#but also originally I was gonna write a wholly new fic for this and ... work was hell

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

Did you enjoy ShitpostingFromTheBarricade's classic fic "Recovery," featuring modern Enjolras suffering from December 2020 burn-out and reconnecting to himself and his friends?

Are you a fan of anything Eli "Candlesticks" @thecandlesticksfromlesmis has ever produced?

Do you enjoy podfics and live re-enactments of works by peers from the Les Mis community?

Then friend, do I have the panel for you.

Tune in at @barricadescon to check out a live Zoom performance of "Recovery"! Cast list below the cut.

(in order of appearance)

Narrator: @abaisse-scarabsi (he/him)

Enjolras: @thecandlesticksfromlesmis (he/him)

Courfeyrac: @grantairelibere (he/him)

Combeferre: @historianinthebasment (she/her)

Jean Prouvaire: @eldritchw1tch (they/them)

Laigle: @apocynthionic (she/they)

Feuilly: @megab (she/her)

Grantaire: @courfeyracs-swordcane (he/him)

[altschmerzes]

we can ask for bits from the miracle run? 🌹!!

ABSOLUTELY you can!!! i'm beyond flattered anyone would be interested in it tbh!! i always want to talk about it, it's my like. it's been my absolute baby for many years at this point, i love it dearly and it's like having a fandom you're like, wholly and hysterically dedicated to but it's like, You Alone In Your House. so yes, absolutely, please!!

this is also from the first episode of the miracle run, my original hockey sports fiction project. it is a character introduction! it's also a longer section so it's gonna go under a cut

(character intros has been one of the harder things to do in my original work, being as i write so much fic that it's not a skill i have to practice often in a lot of the writing i spend more time working on! it's an interesting exercise.)

Things haven’t officially started yet. Everybody’s been left to mingle around on the ice without any direction, stretching or chatting with old friends and new teammates. Jesse has been sticking close to the edge of the ice, mainly watching, and his eyes are drawn to one person in particular. There’s one man who seems to be running a drill solo at the far end of the rink, circling the net on a loop. He starts about a third of the way up the ice, launches on a sprint towards the goal, makes a sharp swerve towards the boards behind the net, curves around the back, and rips the puck past where the goalie would be if there had been one, then fishes it out and returns to his starting point to do it all over again.

“Isn’t he dizzy by now?” somebody asks, off to Jesse’s right. When he glances over his shoulder, he sees it’s one of the twins again. He couldn’t begin to guess if it’s the same one he’d locked eyes with earlier or the other. The Grahams are identical-identical, and their names, Michael and Marcus, start with the same letter. There’s not even the helpful first-initial to help tell them apart. Come to think of it, Jesse doesn’t know if both of them are even here today or if it’s just the one. The startlingly tall man next to him, with the letter A indicating alternate captaincy stitched to the front of his jersey and his sheer size identifying him as Phoenixes veteran Jean-Pierre Delacroix, shakes his head and sighs with a small smile on his face. “Who knows," he says. French rounds out and softens his English, though faintly. "He’s gonna keep doing it until he gets it right anyway.”" Jesse looks back at the player running the loop over and over, skate, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. The movements are indistinguishable, each loop as identical as the Graham twins. He couldn’t pick out a flaw if he tried. The drill is perfect. Sprint, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. Sprint, swerve, wrap, net, repeat. Sprint, swerve, wrap, net, repeat.  Stop. Sharp, cold grey eyes lock onto Jesse’s own impressed brown, and the man who’d been running the loop, the number eleven moving with his shoulder as he breathes hard from the exertion, stares at him. Jesse’s mouth feels suddenly dry, his throat sandpaper. Isaac Jensen, the state of Minnesota’s favourite son who every sports reporting outlet on the continent has dubbed the future of the Phoenixes, doesn’t make a move to approach Jesse or introduce himself. Maybe, when the world’s known your name since you were sixteen, two years before you’d shatter your way into the League as first overall draft pick, signed to a team’s main roster before the rookie showcase was even over, introducing yourself is something you don’t really think to do anymore.  Jensen’s expression is unreadable. Hard. Scrutinizing. Jesse feels like he’s under a microscope, a spotlight. He feels like he’s been shoved alone onto a stage with a guitar, and Jensen is the only person in the crowd who knows that he can’t play it. As suddenly as he’d stopped, Jensen breaks eye contact and skates away, and before Jesse can decide how - or if - to react, there’s the sound of a whistle, and Coach Owen Andersen is summoning Section A to centre ice to begin their first day of practice.

[pe0pleall3rgy]

THANK YOU FOR THAT ADDITIONUHVDHHKFU

the spider ask was originally gonna be two separate asks, because i actually had the "ford educating the kids about spiders" idea before the "ford kills spiders with his bare hands" idea

but just HSAJHUSH JIMMY NNOOOOO

and the jerry-rigging one 😭😭

stan would pull out the chips and ford would be like "oh my god stan you're a genius!" and then

https://open.spotify.com/track/4MJev70u7yjEugU91kSZEU?si=8f77cf246659489d

and stan watches him like "wait- ford whats thgat music- wHERE DID YOU GET THAT SCAFFOLDING WHATS GOING ON"

ford definitely just like sits in the basement waiting for people to ask him where their shit is, or like MHFDHHUK MENTAL IMAGE OF FORD WAITING UNDER THE COUCH JUST CROPPED UP IN MY HEADMFDHF

like mabel walks into the living room muttering to dipper about losing one of her stickers and he just rolls out from under the couch holding it and the kids dont even bat an eye at that point mabels just like "thanks grunkle ford!!! ✨✨" and takes it

also the idea of mabel like forcing everyone to have scrapbooks just came up too, like she'd get everyone one with their zodiac symbol and their favorite color (i mean everyone, robbie pacficia gideon them too) and she grades (and mabel-fies) everyone's scrapbooks and ford is a TRYHARD and he always gets an a++ but thats because everyone gets an a++ he isnt very good at scrapbooking its just a research journal to him (he's still incredibly proud of his scrapbook)

something i wrote down at like one o clock last night is ford being kinda terrified of mabel when he first came along, he'd like stir awake on the couch in the basement to see her in his face and she would say "you twitch like a puppy in your sleep sometimes" and he'd just be fucking horrified "hOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE-" "i have my ways! :D"

but now he'd just say good morning to her and get on with his day the entire family is just used to each other's bullshit by now

(still determined to send that fic, lemme see if this works https://archiveofourown.org/works/32120815 )

-gf anon

Mabel making everyone keep a scrapbook is so cute to me wahh 😭😭

Ford hiding under the couch and waiting for his moment he’s such a LOSER i HATE him (with love…. With care…..)

Wasting no time to write about it, ford grabs his diary journal“I’ve encountered a new anomaly— one that I am wholly unprepared to deal with: children. More specifically, my niece. She frightens me.”

[bigskydreaming]

what are your opinions on we are robin?

Massively complicated by the fact that DC's writers don't have an ACAB bone in their collective bodies.

Dunno how new to my blog you are and thus how familiar or not you are with my ACAB stance for Dick and my personal tendency to never acknowledge or interact with the specific idea of Dick as a cop...like there's more than enough material for me to work with without ever having to delve into that and I fundamentally believe being a cop is counter to everything I see as Dick's core premise and makes no sense given the specific origins and continuities I view as most 'him' -

But I WOULD have a lot of thoughts about how Dick would feel about this massive city-wide movement that he had no hand in creating and how he would inevitably feel personally responsible for every life to put on a facscimile of his family's costume AND the things they did in those costumes (such as the kid who was manipulated into killing someone while in that guise, per the Court of Owls' agenda).....

AND I would have a ton of thoughts about the fact that it was Alfred who secretly engineered this movement and how he of all people should know how Dick might feel about that, and thus how Dick WOULD feel about that information, but complicated and coupled with the fact that Alfred most certainly was motivated in part by his grief for Dick and seeing this as a kind of legacy, a way to honor his grandson, and able to justify to himself any transgressions towards Dick's feelings here with the idea that Dick wasn't alive TO be hurt by his actions here....

BUT the reason I avoid engaging with We Are Robin content beyond acknowledging it as Duke's origin story in the background of Duke content I write....

Is I absolutely can not - or more to the point - WILL NOT - attempt to justify Dick's decision to get all the kids arrested and locked up for their own safety while he went after the Court alone.

To be clear - I absolutely am of the opinion that Dick was and always will be right and justified in not wanting to see anyone get hurt in the colors and image of his family's legacy. That this has absolutely NOTHING to do with his impression of any such individual's competency, nor is it about trying to restrict their agency. That its wholly a PERSONAL thing for him, its a private instinct that is entirely reasonable and allowable, for him to have a kneejerk need to keep more people from dying or suffering in that specific mantle that he never intended to BE a legacy beyond just himself.

I headcanon that after Jason himself, nobody hated the memorial in the cave more than Dick, because the last image he had of his family was them lying dead on the ground of the circus ring, just broken bodies colored from high above in the classic Grayson colors and covered in blood. That THAT specifically is the image Dick so often saw in his nightmares in his early years in the Manor, that is the SPECIFIC visual Bruce so often comforted him about upon waking....and that it was a massive slap in the face and an indication of Bruce's most unfortunate tunnel-vision tendencies in his own grief, that it never even OCCURRED to Bruce that in memorializing Jason in the specific way he did, he was also subjecting Dick to a constant, ever present visual reminder of one of Dick's personal most traumatic images....the sight and idea of his family, now not just his parents but also his brother....reduced to just broken, bloody costumes he'd never get to see as anything but that again.

Not to mention then captioning this memorial with "a good soldier" and thus in the process of disrespecting Jason's true bond with Bruce, simply because Bruce couldn't handle that at the time and was trying to literally DISTANCE himself from that view of his loss, the loss of a son, of family....Bruce simultaneously disrespected Dick's legacy of his family and everything he'd created Robin to be, and envisioned Jason-as-Robin to be from the moment Dick gave Jason his own old costume and embraced him as the new Robin and by extension, HIS family as much as Bruce's.....like, no matter what Bruce intended for HIMSELF and his feelings about Jason's death with that caption, he literally reduced Dick's tribute to his parents and expression of brotherhood to his brother to.....nothing more than the uniform of a child soldier, a subordinate of the Batman in HIS personal crusade. Something that Jason never actually was, and Dick CERTAINLY had never created - or gave Jason his blessing as - Robin to be.

So on that front, I have no problem with Dick WANTING to keep all the Robins, every child who called themselves one, safe - and to take on the Court of Owls alone, by himself, because like it or not, that will ALWAYS be personal for him. That is about HIS family in a way that it will never be about the family, the heritage, of anyone else, even his adopted siblings. The Court were after HIM, specifically, and always were and always would be. I don't see anything hypocritical about Dick's desire to keep kids out of that fight when he himself would have never been okay with Bruce benching him as Robin in some random fight....because this fight is deeply personal for Dick in a way that's not transferable, and to be honest, I see his desire to keep anyone else from dying as a Robin, in a fight against the Court ESPECIALLY....I see it as an inherently selfish want of Dick's. 

A selfishness that I think he's entirely justified in having. Its not about anyone but him. Its about HIM not having to deal with the burden of any more deaths in his family's colors, his family's name, when he in all likelihood originally created Robin in that particular guise because he figured he'd likely die as Robin at some point, and thus he'd never have to see anyone die in the image of his family's costume and colors ever again because the only person left TO die in them, at the time, was he himself.....thus kinda ensuring for Dick that when he did die, he'd go out just as his parents did, which in his youth at least was likely a weirdly kinda comforting idea for him.

So on the one hand, Dick's desire to keep the kids out of harm's way was ultimately a selfish - but justifiably so - desire to not see anyone else dead or injured in a literal WAR of CHILDREN being fought in his personal family colors and image....especially when 99% of them had literally no idea what the colors they were fighting in signified and meant for the mantle's original creator.

BUT.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT.

Where this all falls apart for me, and why I don't just go with this take and instead just kinda sidestep around the whole story itself and don't engage with it....

Is there's absolutely no way to 'fix' the story as is.....without coming up with an entirely different middle climax, in which Dick finds some way to sideline the kids without getting them all arrested.

Cuz see, what I'm NOT gonna ever do, is try and argue from an in story perspective, that Dick would ever be stupid enough, or try to justify, getting kids - many of them marginalized, and people of color specifically - arrested in the name of keeping them SAFE.

That's just stupid to the nth degree, and unilaterally the fault of DC's writers being oblivious to the real-world realities of police brutality and the interactions and dynamic people of color have with the actual police.

It was DC's fuck-up there, but I - especially as a white writer and fan - am not going to try and fix or transform that fuck up short of entirely rewriting the whole second half of We Are Robin's plot, which to be honest, I don't see as likely to ever be a priority for me as there's so much other content in Dick's narratives I'd rather get to first. Its just way too far down the list, the premise itself doesn't interest or engage me enough to make me WANT to invest in that particular story heavily enough to create a whole other direction for it, that navigates around the issue I have with it here.

So again, I mostly just....don't engage with it. Because I can't see Dick's stance on the issue of his family's legacy ever being other than what I always see it as, and thus see it as here, but I'm definitely never going to find it appropriate to write Dick trying to justify his decision to ENGINEER the police arresting all these kids for their PROTECTION....to a black character like Duke in specific.

Because its not. But again, this wasn't Dick's decision at the end of the day, because he's a fictional character who can only make the decisions he's written making. And thus it was the decision of writers who wrote these characters in situations that contained analogues to real world issues without keeping centered an awareness of how those issues intersect with people of different identities, particularly people of color and black people in specific.

So its not a decision that made me like, dislike Dick, because its one that I don't think he should have ever been written making, but its not a decision I care to justify in universe.

And that's about all I think I ever intend to - or even could - expand on that subject, I'm pretty sure. *Shrugs*

Oh wait, no, I lied!

Quick thought for white fans in particular....because I HAVE seen this subject tackled at least once or twice in fiction, from an ACAB standpoint that had Duke reaming out Dick for his decision here, for the same reasons I'm outlining above.....

This isn't an attempt to gatekeep or police anybody as like, I'm not actually ever trying to do that, I'd have to know every fic writer's personal identity and marginalizations TO do that, and I'm not pretending to know that or asking to, like, its just not on the menu for me so please don't get me wrong, this is purely aimed at a plea for white writers in particular to exercise personal accountability and good, sincere judgment in this regard:

No matter your personal feelings about Dick Grayson, the subject of Robin, or any of this in general, PLEASE keep in mind before utilizing Duke as a mouthpiece for giving Dick shit for this in the name of smearing the latter's character or making him look bad, like.....

Dick is of Romani descent. In the New 52 continuity as well as pre-Flashpoint. That's been made explicitly clear, and as such......there is no substitute in our current real world zeitgeist for the interactions the police have with black people, but please keep in mind that Romani people have a very, VERY long history of being subject to police brutality and persecution in a wide range of countries. Its a big part of why so many people are so uncomfortable with cop!Dick in the first place, and as such, it makes treating him as this naive, privileged white guy when having the realities of police brutality explained to him by another character, like.....not look exactly like you might intend there, because the reality is he's not SUPPOSED to be that character, but too few people at DC, and ESPECIALLY the people writing the We Are Robin stories, like, completely fail to ever extend the idea of Dick being Romani to any kind of examination of what kinds of lived experiences, perspective or perceptions this results in him having specifically.

And that's a failure on DC's part, but you don't need to go making it your failure as well, so for those of us who are white like, this really is something that should be kept centered before we decide to engage with story elements like the above one from We Are Robin, and like, if we do, then HOW we go about that specifically.

[izartn]

On the The Host romance:

A lil note: @into-september as you’re reading Twilight, and your last post made me realise this, I thought it better to write my own post and tag you! Hope you don’t mind.

The Host is the first novel of an “adult” science fiction trilogy by Stephanie Meyer which never was finished. Published in 2008, the same year as Breaking Dawn, I guess she preferred gaining the benefits of her vampire saga to keep on writing. 

For shame, because for me, The Host is much better at establishing worldbuilding, a concept and its protagonists + a romance (not that there isn’t anything cuestionable in it, but to my taste it’s better done than in Twilight). Here is the first paragraph of The Host wikipedia’s section on plot: 

A species of parasitic aliens called "Souls" have invaded Earth, deeming the humans too violent to deserve the planet. When a Soul is implanted into a host body, the consciousness of the original owner is erased, leaving their memories and knowledge. 

Wanderer, a Soul, is placed into the body of Melanie Stryder. However, Melanie's consciousness is still alive and begins to communicate with Wanderer mentally. Wanderer's assigned "Seeker" suggests that she could be placed into Melanie to retrieve the memories before disposing of the defective body, but Wanderer makes several attempts to deny her Seeker's wishes. As Wanderer starts to uncover some of Melanie's memories of her younger brother Jamie Stryder and her boyfriend Jared Howe, Melanie gets her to follow a series of landmarks throughout the Arizona desert to find her Uncle Jeb, hoping that Jared and Jamie are with him. By doing so, she would be denying the Seeker Melanie's memories and the humans they would lead her to.

Just. Read that and have the face to tell me it doesn’t sound more interesting than Twilight I dare you. Of course the books are different genres, although the focus is in the... more sentimental part in both. It’s just that The Host story is more unusual and the worldbuilding dreamy and subtly horrific. 

Well I said I was gonna talk about the romance right? Spoilers incoming!

 A bit of more context is necessary; in The Host, Melanie, the human Wanda (nickname of Wanderer) is possessing, is in love with the boyfriend mentioned in the sinopsis, Jared. Wanda being in the body of Melanie, feels things for him. We can divine for context this is sexual attraction plus having access to some of Melanie’s memories and noticing Jared is pretty ok as humans not possessed are left on Earth. 

Melanie reaction to this oscillates between “don’t you dare touch my boyfriend alien” and “well of course you fell for him, he’s pretty awesome” to “if I can’t it’s ok if you want to” when she’s feeling herself disappear at one point. Which is bullshit bc her conscience comes back when Wanda goes to tell Jared to kiss her bc she’s feeling Melanie disappear and when he gets near Wanda, Melanie usually mounts a whole circus in her head. It works. 

Well that’s one part of the romance. The other is Ian, a human in the settlement who is pretty level-headed and who starts talking to Wanda, as her guard first and then as her friend. No previous contact with Melanie, so he mets Wanda in Melanie’s body and isn’t excessively hostile or sad. Bc you know, an alien is in the body of you “niece, girlfriend, sister, etc” isn’t really conductive to good first impressions although that alien has come bearing the news that said person is still alive somewhere in their brain. 

(Also the whole human group is so hilariously based on those paranoid about the government/end-of-days usa people... And it works! LMAO) (The social dynamics are interesting in this book ok? basic but ingenious)

So Wanda falls slowly without noticing for Ian; Ian falls first and confesses and everything. I think their first kiss was a bit sketchy? But generally they good. 

The interesting thing is this: Melanie and so her body, is in love and attracted to Jared. Wanda, inhabiting Melanie’s body, starts realising that although Jared is pretty ok and all that, he’s really Melanie’s love; she doesn’t exactly like his more violent tendencies. 

(Really he’s more apocalypse survivor hardcore, but he really was a dick to her at the start, bc alien possessing girlfriend and all. Also gave her mixed signals, etc. Very american male which, eh. Melanie is also very apocalypse survivor hardcore; the two mesh well bc of that lmao) 

Well, as Stephanie Meyer is SM, and she has some weird ideas about romance the thing is, Wanda doesn’t feel sexually attracted to Ian. Bc all the hormones in her body are signaling only Jared. But she really is romantically attracted to Ian, and loves him. When they kiss, she likes it, but it’s not super passionate nor does it brings the same high that the few occasions Jared kissed her. To Ian’s credit he doesn’t really get it at the start, but then is immediately acepting of Wanda’s boundaries. I think he pushes a bit? But this SM so. Sigh. (I like to think in the hands of another author he wouldn’t do the sterotypical male thing but yah)

What I mean is that Stephanie Meyer, without intention, created an ace romance. Sure, it bc really weird biological alien science, but if you take it to mean Melanie is demi and only feels attracted to Jared, that makes her body reactions logical when Wanda also falls in love. She isn’t occupying the body wholly; there’s the host original presence; so she falls romantically but not physically. If I’m saying great idiotices please correct me under; I don’t have any background on sexology or biology. 

Sadly, Wanda is also super worried of not being able of correctly loving Ian, so. Negation of ace identity in one, two..., warning to folks sensible to it. 

And well, she ruins it when at the end when Wanda is put outside Melanie´s body into one who doesn’t have a human conscience. She explained the others how to take “souls” out of humans without killing any part, and how to take the “souls” to the space ships where they’ll be transported to other worlds. But sometimes the humans have passed so much time suppressed, or have been taken so young, that there isn’t a conscience-anyone to recover. 

The Host is very weird, bc this is a race of genocidal colonist aliens who are weird beautiful little ribbons of silver in their original form, who after abandoning their original world by possessing another race who invaded them realised they could live whatever lives they wanted possessing people without dying and just. Went for it. They are a supposedly all peace loving gents, who cured all poverty and illness by their superior technology and like, very comunist-anarchist society. Who abhor violence, but don’t see eliminating other people identity as violence. 

They are weird and amazing; when they realise having and raising children as humans costs so much, they start acting as parents to those humans without going to have a soul implanted on their kid, bc they love them as they are. A mess of contradictions, and Wanda is so interesting bc of this. 

Sadly, SM acted again, and made Wanda one of the rare females able of auto-destroying to create more fragments of herself (aka other souls). The rest of souls don’t have any gender and chose bodies as whatever sex they like most. Guess Wanda being an alien was fine, but not having an explicit gender was too much, lol. To be fair, she says she prefers female bodies, but doesn’t really mind. Good on Wanda. 

There’s a secondary romance too; the search of Ian’s brother, Kyle (who almost kills Wanda once) for his abducted girlfriend, Jodie. Results the soul inside her body, Sunny has all of Jodie’s memories of Kyle and is like, already in love with him. She lets herself be abducted, and when they explain they’re gonna get her out and why, is like, cries and begs, but accepts it bc is Jodie who Kyle loves. She hasn’t ever heard her like Wanda did Melanie, though, so when like a week or two pass and Jodie’s conscience remains dead Kyle consents (bc the other relatives of Jodie are soulified) to bring back Sunny. Wow. What a clusterfuck. They don’t date but there’s this weird vibe where Kyle has stopped hating all souls after Wanda’s mess and his encounter with Sunny, and Sunny herself is like; yay! I can live with humans and Kyle and I’ll keep trying to awake Jodie. And the two of them are described as inseparable? 

It’s more intriguing than Twilight; I wished there were more fics interested in exploring cool canon divergences and all. I didn’t dive in the problematiqueTM aspects of the book but come on, this is SM and you have reading comprehension. I just wanted to talk about how interesting is the intersection of sexuality in romance in Wanda’s case >-< Still better than Twilight but I guess the aesthetic of vamps surpases The Host. Which. Valid ok? Each to their own. 

[canonicallyanxious]

12, 23, 34 and 35. pls answer as long as u need to!

thank you for the permission to ramble anon skjfnsknfs you genuinely have no idea how much i appreciate it

12.  Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

sndfkjsdnfksd what wips... really though i’m finishing up my one actual wip [davenzi star wars au scream] today and once that’s done i’ll have basically no wips to speak of, wowowow! i can provide a small list of au ideas for kieutou i’m excited to tackle, though. ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISES any of these will ever see the light of day or that i’ll even get around to starting the drafting process for them but right now in the brainstorming phase they do live in my brain rent free

summer fling/romance au

high fantasy au - kieu my as a half-elf, fatou as a human bard

korrasami au

modern persuasion au

also my friend suggested doing some druck new gen spin-offs of the star wars au which, like, i’m not NOT thinking about tbqh

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

Honestly i struggle with prompts/challenges in a major way, idk it’s just a lot easier to motivate my writing brain with intrinsic motivation [e.g being really excited about an idea i came up with myself] than extrinsic motivation [e.g deadlines/prompts]. i am trying to be better about taking prompts, though! often the issue i have is with being excited about an idea that i didn’t come up with but if i can find a way to make the idea my own then i feel like that’s good practice anyway, especially for times when i don’t really have the energy for coming up with my own ideas but i still wanna write!

[as far as challenges go tho i mean i’ve tried a few in my time and all i have to say on the matter is: never again]

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bold of you to assume i remember anything i have ever written skjdnfskdjnfsdkj anyway here’s a little bit from the most recent thing i posted bc i actually really like this bit of dialogue:

Fatou reaches into the pile of nail polish and pulls out a bottle filled to the brim with a deep crimson red.

“The color of your heart,” she says.

Kieu My looks up at her. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” Fatou says. “You picked the color of mine.”

Kieu My reaches out and closes Fatou’s fingers around the bottle, warmth of her palm resting lightly against her knuckles.

“You say such pretty things,” she says.

Fatou meets Kieu My’s eyes. “I only say things that are true.”

“Yeah,” Kieu My says, and smiles. “Same thing.”

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I HAD A TIME DECIDING WHAT TO RAMBLE ABOUT in fact i legit couldn’t decide skjnfskdjfsnd so i had @boxesfullofthoughts give me a prompt and this is what they said I should talk about: “the use of themes in your work and what themes you feel resonate most with you and your audience.” So i guess i’m gonna ramble about that now!

So one big reason why i gravitate toward fic is because i think it’s a really great avenue for exploring relationship dynamics and development. obviously in a romantic context yes, but what especially interests me is the blurring of lines between friendship and romance, as those have always been pretty nebulous concepts for me personally. like how do you even define those things? where do you draw the line? what happens when that line grows blurry and indistinct? idk i find it kind of hard to explain but for me intimacy in romance is oftentimes very rooted in intimacy of friendship and that’s what i like to explore [i think a lot about a little life by hanya yanagihara which imo does an excellent job of delving into this concept, the romance of friendships; it’s definitely a story i draw a lot of inspiration from, which i think probably says a lot about who i am as a person lol]

and a very big part of love imo is well-encapsulated by that meme quote “if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known”. which yes i know the original article is about someone judgmental attitude toward the writer’s goats or something but ALSO as i am the kind of person to take something very silly and make it incredibly serious i legitimately think this quote captures the heart of what i find so compelling about love stories! to be truly loved by someone is to be truly known by them - all the deepest, darkest, ugliest parts of you alongside the good. and that’s fucking hard! it’s hard work to allow someone to know you like that - to be that vulnerable, to really expose yourself to another human being. but also ultimately after all that difficult work what is more rewarding, what is more comforting than existing in the presence of someone you don’t have to explain yourself to because they already understand you wholly and completely, in a romantic or platonic context or otherwise? it’s something i love to unpack in my writing, like really there’s nothing i find more cathartic than really peeling back the layers and figuring out how two characters get to that point.

Another thing i think a lot about is a quote from a random tumblr post i no longer have the link for, which goes something like “tenderness is softness in the face of pain and shame”. and that is really IT, isn’t it? that’s exactly the kind of vibe i strive to capture in my writing always. particularly in the context of queer stories, when our community has had a long history of pain and suffering and repression and shame and yet despite all of that we still find ways to love each other, to take care of each other, to be ourselves and help each other be themselves too. that’s the kind of shit that drives me fucking insane! and it’s the kind of shit i love to write about. that’s all i can really say.

[is this still fic related? probably only tangentially. but this is the kind of shit i usually end up writing about on some level across all my fics so i think it still counts lol.]

q’s for fanfiction writers!

[jimlingss]

Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement. In this short amount of time, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with messages of support. I want to reassure you all that I’m by no means as hurt as some of you think, or at least not after so much kindness. I’ve always encouraged all kinds of feedback!! From compliments to constructive criticism. And I’m (supposedly) an Adult™, so I can definitely take someone’s opinion.

Regardless, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I want to respond to each and everyone of you under this post so I don’t flood other people’s dashes.

Anonymous said: about the anon who said your fics lack emotion, hmm i wouldn't quite agree tbh, i remember reading tears of a villian and deadass crying, it hurt me so much!! also, in "fall in hatred" their feeling are so well portrayed and i could understand why they acted a certain way! to conlclude, there is always some space for constructive criticism but your stories, are to me, something very attentively built and created, it's apparent that you completely enjoy writing, I can feel your enthusiasm!!

--to that anon; pls don't get this wrong way but it's just the way I see it and I've read quite a lot till now

nah deadass crying isn’t good enough anymore, anon. You have to be keening and violently sobbing until you’re brought into the ER for my fics to be considered to have emotion. lol I’m only kidding, thank you for the message.

peachiest-hun said: To that anon who said your work lacked emotions, I beg to differ! I have read Jungle Park so many times I know at exactly which chapter when the heavy angst starts happening and I read those parts when I just want to have a good cry (I still cry every. single. time)! Also Head Over Heels to Hell, The Colour of Our Voices, Love So Shallow (because I so relate with OC), and many more have given me the FEELS (happy and sad ones). 1/2

So what I'm trying to say is that Jimlingss is doing a great job in her craft. She does deliver emotions in her work and the reason I love it so much is that it's SUBTLE and not completely in your face. Sometimes emotions that are subtle and they hit you slowly, but powerfully it hurts even more for me. On another note, I'm loving Sugar and Coffee. In times of darkness which are often these days, I have something to look forward to every week to keep me motivated. So thank you Jimlinggs! 2./2

Istg Jungle Park is one of the most unexpectedly beloved fics on my blog but I love it hahaha I can’t believe you’ve read it to the point of knowing what chapter is what though. that’s an honour. There’s definitely stories of mine that are less subtle than others, but I’m glad that you enjoy the latter of them too :’) Thank you.

Anonymous said: This is my first time ever leaving a message on someone’s tumblr, but I just felt that I HAD to after reading that anon’s comment about your stories lacking emotion. I wholly disagree (in the nicest way possible, not throwing any shade at anyone). I’ve read all of your fics (for the past two years) and I look forward to when you release new material (the highlight of my Mondays right now after I come home from working at a clinic). Your stories have really lifted my mood during this pandemics an

Anonymous said: Sorry for that long tangent. Don’t even know if I made sense. You don’t have to respond to any of this, but you deserve to hear some positive words as well.

Oh my god. Did I just take your tumblr-message virginity? asdfghjkl I’m kidding. but thank you for reaching out to me. I can’t believe you’ve been around for such a long time and that I’m a part of your Monday routine :’) 

Anonymous said: OK that ask about "constructive criticism" was def imo RUDE. You don't just anonymously go into someone's asks and bluntly tell an author that their fics "lack emotion". That is not the way to encourage someone to improve and continue to work hard. That's just flat out mean. That person clearly doesn't care about your feelings or the fact that you write and share your stories for FREE for us to enjoy. I love your stories and appreciate what you've shared with us. Thank you for your hard work ❤️

I like to give the benefit of the doubt to anons and anyone sending me a message online in general. God knows there were times I meant well but it was received wrongly. But anyway, my mind was more boggled than I was hurt, that’s one thing for sure.

joonie-mono said: + it was called love so shallow which genuinely made me see myself in a character, but my point was that your writing has a specific feel to it, it's made me laugh and cry (His Name personally killed me :] ) and that's my opinion. You and your writing are amazing and I'm sorry but that anon was just so wrong.

oof bringing out the evidence. be my attorney please.

Anonymous said: As someone who has read your entire masterlist (and going through it again) i will have to wholeheartedly disagree with that anon. The way you portray SO many emotions in your fics is *chefs kiss* and I honestly thought that the ones that “lack emotion” were meant to be that way, with an open ending, the idea that their love just started, soo.... yeah, I’ll have to disagree.

There are definitely stories of mine that are a bit looser on romance. Such as Kitchen Romance, The President’s Son, The Heiress’ Son, Arcadia, etc. But I have a loooot of fics that are quite emphasized in either despair/sadness or cute fluff.

ladyartemesia said: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am here to disrespectfully disagree with anon who probably doesn’t write effing ANYTHING and has no idea what it takes to produce the content you do. I have followed for months and I’m still not through your masterlist BECAUSE reading your stories is a bloomin EMOTIONAL EVENT. When I read Brass and Strings, I LOST A WHOLE DAY. Like I was so into it, my DAY was gone. Anon is prolly salty there isn’t more smut I guess. That’s whatever for them. (Part 1)

It’s subtle, deep, meaningful, and incredible and you’re one of my favorite authors. I can’t FOR A SECOND let that comment go cause it’s RIDICULOUS. You’re literally so gifted. You don’t need to change a thing. Every artist, no matter their medium, should continue to improve. So in that sense I wish you all the growth in the world as you work towards the perfection of your craft. BUT SERIOUSLY you’re an incredible writer. That anon is loony. I’m so sorry you had to even read those crazy words.

As I answer these messages, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third party mediator of a dispute and all y’all are just HAMMERING it to this anon, LOL. I’m not sure if the anon is necessarily requesting for more smut but if they are, they might be happy this Friday (*COUGH spoiler for those actually reading my responses)

Anyway, you’re too kind. thank you. I am definitely not as hurt as I was earlier.

((and tbh you’re hilarious, you’re actually making me laugh irl))

krystle1990 said: Woah!! Ok first that Anon is absolutely crazy. I literally stalk your page for new work being put out! I probably blow up your notifications daily. I've never been disappointed in any of your work. You always give a heads up if it will take time for the characters to realize their feelings which I absolutely love. It always leaves me ready for the next part and I am glued to my phone with every update. You're amazing and I can't wait to see how you grow with your work. 💜😘

ASDFGHJKL PLEASEEE if it’s someone who’s worried about blowing up notifications, it’s me. To those who have notifications on I sincerely can’t fathom how often I blow up people’s phones. I digress, I always give out warnings to keep people patient since I know slow burn can be excruciating haha thank you for the message.

kigurumu said: Also just want to add that saying you have good intentions or "don't mean to be mean" does not cancel out whatever offensive thing you just said. IT WILL STILL RUDE. Not saying all negative feedback is bad. Criticism can be hard to take no matter how it's phrased, but telling a writer to be more like another writer is like telling them their style isn't good enough which is NOT helpful. Your writing is your own. If the anon wants to read fics that are like gukyi's, they can read gukyi's fics 🙄

Also I've been waiting until Sugar and Coffee is done so I can binge it all at once but avoiding spoilers from all the asks is so hard haha! I keep seeing all these good things about it and I'm SO tempted to just read it now but I've already waited this long so I don't wanna give up kfnrjrofvjskdh guess I'll reread your other fics in the meantime

The message was fine on its own but I think dragging in another writer at the end was definitely not ok. When will comparing writers end. But regardless, gukyi and I are cool with one another - i mean we wrote 100k together so it’s gonna have to take a reverse Zuko arc for us to be on bad terms lol

Anyway, oooh you’re one of those bingers. Can’t say I blame you cause I love binging myself, so it’s understandable for readers to wait till the series is over. and since you were so kind in following up your original message with two more and expressing so much appreciation for me :’), I’ll let you know that the finale of Sugar and Coffee will be posted by July 20th! by then, the entire series will be completed. 

Anonymous said: Tbh i think that neither you nor that anon is wrong. Some people like it more romanticised and cheesy, some people dont. I believe that your stories are more on the realistic side of life. People (whom your characters represent) cant always be cheesy and passionate for love, there are other things in life! Maybe you're just the type who's too realistic for any hopeless romantic things like i am and it's fine. Not all writers can write dramatic romance

Tbh, I agree. It’s a matter of opinion and there’s no one wrong in the fight of opinions. As I’ve said many times on my blog, the cringe factor varies between person to person. What someone might think is fluffy is absolutely cringey to another. What someone might think is a good amount of fluff is not enough for someone else. I’ve written a lot. And I’ve made sure to add lots of variations between the amount of romance in my stories. Indeed, some are definitely more subtle and “realistic” while others are completely cheesy and makes me gag from the amount of sugar in it lol I just think the anon should take a look at more of my stories before coming up with such a conclusive opinion.

Anonymous said: I’ve been reading your fics for over a year now and religiously follow updates every week. Why? Because they make me feel something whether it be joy from fluff or grief from angst. I’ll remember a story of yours months after I first read it and return to it just to feel those emotions again. I understand that emotional responses are usually subjective but I think that anon needs to read your works again, because they sure are missing out.

I replied to that anon that they should check out more of my fics and then come back to tell me if they haven’t changed their minds, so I don’t know if they’re missing out or not lol

I don’t expect my stories to elicit emotional responses or fanatic feedback for everyone. God knows there’s been other people’s writing styles that just didn’t resonate with me no matter how hard I tried to read their stories. But all I ask is that people try. It’s fine if you give up halfway but at least try reading. That’s fair to ask, right?

[hiddendreamer67]

I'm a little sad that some of my fav fics (borrower analogical in particular, I love those dynamics in your style!!!) are kinda stagnant, but I understand if the TSS fandom is too much for you!!! Personally, I've strictly curated my blog so I haven't seen any of the toxic parts (save for when new videos drop), but I still understand if it's too much and it's bothering you!! You're a wonderful writer and I know you'll do amazing things no matter what you're writing for :3 ~🐺

Thanks for the input, but I’ve already left Sanders Sides (hence the discontinuation of my stories) and am not looking for advice on how to participate in a fandom I’ve already more or less successfully escaped. I did strictly curate my blog and that was not enough; I’m also now of the opinion that if something is toxic for you it needs to be wholly and completely cut off, even if that’s just so that you can take a minute and step back to figure out how to approach it in a healthy manner.

I know this is coming up because of the recent discussion of some of my fics, but I want to make it clear that I am not a member of the sanders sides fandom and have no intentions on coming back. I don’t like the series anymore. I haven’t watched the last several episodes and don’t plan on watching them, ever.

The only reason I’ve been kind of wishy-washy talking about continuing my own fics is because I’ve sunk a lot of my time and passion into them in the past, and sometimes that flares back up and if I personally feel like continuing my projects I didn’t want to face a backlash of “I thought you said you weren’t sanders!?!” or worse, some wave of people trying to pull me back into fandom. The only reason my projects interest me at all is because they’re AUs and for ages have been disassociated from the series in my mind. Even then, my own AUs and other creator’s sanders sides AUs most of the time disinterest and sometimes even repel me now.

I do appreciate that people love my fics and I love(d) them too, and y’all are still welcome to ask for me to come back to them as new original fics. I also love hearing what you loved about those fics so that I can recreate that in my future writings. Asks strictly begging for more sanders sides fic are not helpful and from now on have a high likelihood of just being deleted.

Sorry anon for using you as a platform, I just felt the need to put my foot down. I know you’re likely coming at this with a kind heart, it’s just a touchy topic for me. 

...actually, it’d probably be a good idea for me to develop a FAQ with all this info so I can just link people to that. I’m gonna go work on that now. <3

[coconutknightshade]

As a fellow Merlin fan, I can't help but ask what loaded march is and if it's on AO3? Merlin was a key part of my childhood but I'm not really that involved in the fandom. Any other suggestions?

*aggressively knocks at door* do you have time to talk about our lord, savior, and bible? Loaded March is an odyssey, clocking in at a 1.2 million deliciously intricate plot of magic, friendship, politics, and romance. It is one of the most in depth fic I've ever read and hands down one of the best works of fiction in general that I've ever read. Honestly. If I were stuck on a deserted island and could only have one book to read, it would be this baby. 

It is a modern military AU and let me tell you, the author knows their stuff. Also, I'm soOo sorry this is late, I've been slammed and I wanted to do everything justice! It was also really hard to narrow down some recs!! But first, more about Loaded March!!

Arthur is a Captain in the Special Air Service (SAS) and has a team of specialists called Excalibur! Now, what I love about this is that there is obviously no way that the ensemble of Merlin could contribute to a whole squad/teams worth of people, so the author utilizes names from the original mythos and beautifully crafts them into characters that you love so dearly, even with them not being part of BBC Merlin. They write these new characters so perfectly woven into the plot that you become emotionally invested in all of them and all of their lives anYWAYS OWAIN is bae. I DIGRESS. 

So they're this highly decorated special forces team, but they can't seem to hold onto a communications specialist. It's the only role that would be filled by someone who didn't enlist with them all. Generally they can't find someone who fits in. Long story short, Merlin is put on their team. And lemme tell you- Ya remember their first meeting and convo in the pilot episode? Footloose stays true to the show in that regard. Also I'm obviously not gonna spoil anything, but just an additional flavor vibe- Kilgharrah is a General they call The Dragon because of his attitude and it appears that he's always smoking cigars. Anyways, magic plays a heavy heavy role, as does politics. It's like a huge chess board of players with espionage and undercover work and twists and turns it's SO GOOD PLEASE READ IT AND GUSH WITH ME. It is on AO3. It's 16 parts. You should check it out at least! Whew child, I definitely have suggestions! I'm gonna run through some of the classics. Please be mindful of the rating on these. I've posted these because of the plot, not because of any sexual nature that may or may not be present. Any sexual content in the following can be easily skipped over without losing any of the plot. That said, I can also rec some hella good gratuitous ones as well. Don't judge me, I was in my high school and college prime when I was neck deep and active in the fandom. Additionally, if you ever want any requests for specific tropes/genre in general, hit me up! I'm an admin on the @fuckyeahmerlinfanfic​ Tumblr which was a fic request and hunting down specific fics blog. 

The Student Prince

WC: 141.6KSummary: A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

Commentary: This is THE most popular fic in the fandom and honest to god for good reason. The author was a student at St Andrews (which is where a lot of royals attend university and where William and Kate met). This is worth noting because a historic university like that has a lot of nuance traditions and events that the author incorporates. Will always highly recommend. If you aren't down to tackle Loaded March, this one for sure for SURE is worth tackling. And the podfic is to die for 

Lord Drake's Bequest

WC: 10KSummary: "To my great-nephew Arthur I bequeath Tintagel Distribution, wholly and without reserve, save for one condition. You must marry, and stay married, for a period of no less than six months. You're a wonderful businessman Arthur, but a full life needs love and companionship, not just a string of affairs. Settle down young Arthur, and your life will be the richer for it."

Commentary: Fake Relationship- Need I say more?

Lions and Pebbles and Penguins, Oh My!

WC: 10.4KSummary: Sitting at the top of "Uther's All Time Parenting Backfires" is Arthur's fellow colleague and clumsy best friend - Merlin Emrys.

Commentary: This was so cute and I always recommend it to people when they ask me for recs. It's inspired by that old news article about the gay penguins at the zoo. So cute!!

What Child is This

WC: 30KSummary:A modern AU with Merlin, Arthur, mayhem, a baby and a jingly elf hat.

Commentary: Christmas fic!! It's a kid!fic but not how you think. Baby is abandoned and I won't say more but it was cute and I'm eagerly waiting until my Christmas vaca to reread it. 

Pairing Pendragon/Merlin

WC: 25KSummary: Arthur is a BNF and Merlin is his prized beta

Commentary: I'm not trying to assume but before this fic I had no idea so just in case you're in my shoes, BNF is a big name fan. That aside, THIS IS ONE OF MY TOP FAVE FICS. I was obsessed with the podfic and am currently digging through my hard drive trying to find it because it's legit probably worth listening to it over reading it?? I've never seen a podfic or even an audiobook put together this beautifully. Arthur is a fanfic writer for STARZ Camelot and Merlin is his beta that he's never met before. Read it, Read it, Read it!! Talking about it now, I'm gonna read it tonight I think.  

ANYWAYS

If you ever want anymore recs, hit me up! And if you read any of these and want to talk about them, hit me up.

I’m so sorry for the long post and for it having been so long to reply!!

[crimeronan]

Do you have any original writing published, or available to read, or plans to publish eventually? I’ve read all your trc fics and I love your grasp on the characters and I feel like anything you came up wholesale would be just SOOOO good and I’d really like to read it. I’d even take hearing about your ocs, if you have any of those!!! Please keep writing omg!!!

oh this is so flattering thank you!!

i have an original project in the works right now - it’s gonna be a while before it’s anywhere near publishable, and i’m not sure how to describe it.  it’s basically about all my favorite things like polyamory and magic and psychological horror and codependence and learning to foster healthy relationships and power versus love and discussions of morality and ethics and political corruption and people screwing up and restlessness and religion and ghosts and decay

a little sample (involving two members of the main triad discussing the third):

“Her hurt is not my responsibility.”  Ruby hesitates, then adds, softer, “Sol is wrong.”

“Sol isn’t wrong.”

He snaps this back too fast.  They both recognize it.  Her eyes narrow; his jaw snaps shut.  He angles his body away from her, gazing toward the west of the city like he’s noticed something new and fascinating there.  His face is furious, either with her or himself or both.

Because it’s defensive.  Devin is never defensive, and if he is, he certainly doesn’t show it.  Devin is always wholly convinced that he’s right, even when Ruby is sure he’s wrong.  His moral absoluteness drives her crazy.  He does not rationalize his beliefs.  Instead, he believes only things he considers rational.  If the information does not coincide with his experience of the world, he seeks answers.  Independence.  Faith in critical thinking alone.

But this - this screams of rationalization.  This is a comet’s trail tracing the letters D-O-U-B-T across the sky.

Ruby probes people’s vulnerabilities for a living.  One of the most important pieces is knowing when to solve a problem.  Sometimes identifying the problem is more than enough work for one session.  Sometimes bringing the problem into the light and examining the angles is ideal.  Sometimes brainstorming solutions is the answer.  Sometimes arguing and pushing at a base of self-deception is necessary.

But the right time is not always the present.  Sometimes a client doesn’t have a strong enough foundation to stop clinging to the crumbling walls.  Sometimes pushing too hard can cause catastrophic damage, a pile of useless rubble that needs clearing before anything can be built again.

She doesn’t think that pushing Devin about Solstice will cause him to crumble into a million pieces.  But she does think it will make him shut her out, lock himself down, squander any future opportunity for growth.  She could wound him, here.  It’s more important to show that she won’t.

“Devin, look at me,” she says.

He doesn’t.

“Devin.”

“I’m not doing this with you.”

“I’m not asking you to.  We will agree to disagree about Sol’s rightness.”

This, finally, gets him to turn back to her.  There’s tightness around his eyes, the corners of his mouth.  She raises her hand; it’s a question she’s asked before.  Prior to now, his answer has always been a gentle grip on her wrist to push her away.

This time, he leans in.

She presses her fingertips against his cheek.  She’s not wearing gloves, so it’s easy to memorize the texture of his skin, all pockmarks and stubble.  He exhales like he’s been holding his breath.

“Sol can be right,” she says, “and so can I.”

The furrow in his brow says he’s not sure these two philosophies can coexist.

She steps closer to him, until she can feel the warmth of his body through the shirt beneath his open jacket.  Her other hand rests against his upper arm.  She strokes her thumb over his cheekbone, smiles a little as his lips unconsciously part.  The physical aspects of her job are very different from Sol’s, but she’s equally good at them.  And Devin, she can tell, is starving.

“Her home is not the only one that burned,” she murmurs.  Her voice is very soft, now, barely a breath in this enclosed bubble of space between them.  “Her family was not the only one lost.  Her childhood, her innocence.  If Nova’s life belongs to Solstice, then it also belongs to me.  If Sol has the right to destroy her, then I have the right to save her.  She’s mine.”

This is the argument that wins.  Ruby knew it would.  Devin can’t abide injustice, false equivalencies, unbalanced scales.  The claim Ruby has on Nova’s life is just as complete as Sol’s.  If Nova is innocent or at least a pawn - something Ruby’s beginning to suspect - then neither of them has the right to her life.  But if she’s guilty, a fundamental truth Devin cannot face being untrue, then Sol doesn’t get to make the call alone.

That’s why Ruby’s always been here, anyway.  Partners.  In the end, Solstice is nothing like her, and Ruby loves her all the more fiercely for it.

“We can never tell her,” Devin says.

Ruby nods.  “I’m good at keeping secrets.”

[wiredandrewired]

Was trying to actually work on something but my brain is stuck on loop.  So instead I’m gonna make a post of the Voltron stuff sitting unposted in my writing WIP folder to help me organize my thoughts.

I guess since I’m posting this, if you have anything you wanna say/ask about any of these feel free.  I respond well to outside interest.

1. Project ReVolt is without a doubt the project I’ve posted about the most here.  And talked about in random tags.  And tangents.  Originally it was just the name the project had in my internal brain filing cabinet but it’s kind of spread and stuck to where my wife and I just refer to it as that when we talk about it.

ReVolt is basically going to be a VLD series rewrite more along the lines of how my wife and I would have done it or at least liked to see it done.  In some places it will probably stick pretty damn close to the events of the series canon, but in others go completely off the deep end.  We’re each going to be doing one, so a lot of the headcanon and worldbuilding and such that we’ve worked out together in various other stories and RPs will be consistent between the two stories, but it will also give us a place to veer out and do things without the others’ input (as we’re not gonna let each other see our fics until they post, tee hee).  I’ve done a SHITPOT of rules and infrastructure work using actual alchemy tracts to try and make sense of the series’ largely Powers As The Plot Demands system,  and am pretty convinced I’m going to A)fall hard into my very common Esoterica Ranting Mode pitfall and B)enrage literally everyone who reads it with my character and plot choices.  Most conservative estimate says this will be six ‘books’ long as again, we’re doing literally the entire series.  Current status: at the ‘ridiculously large amount of notes and setting up actual arcs and outlines’ stage, and waiting for the wife to finish ‘Happier HOPEless’.

2. There Are No Monsters Here is a fic I really want to do but cannot seem to get off the ground, set to take place entirely in the ‘last universe’ from season 8--the one native-Honerva died in and crazed-death-god-Honerva picked out as her ideal and tried to wedge herself into.  I guess the basic idea was that, like the ���main’ universe, it got rebuilt pretty much as it was prior to Nightmare Mom Ruining Everything, and I have it with no one fully remembering the events of season 8 that took place there, but characters really closely tied to those events having some itching feeling that something happened, and all the Altean alchemists agreeing that some kind of massive quantum Event certainly occurred even if they don’t know what.  

Mostly the story exists as  a place for me to have a canon-compliant AU that still lets me explore stuff like Altean history, the racial and cultural tensions of the Coalition, dink around with Oldadins that DON’T die in one fell swoop, a living Daibazaal and Altea, Lotor growing up with a decent-but-not-without-strains relationship with his dad, teen Allura and tiny Lotor being absolute shits to each other while also coming to terms as they grow up with who and what they MUST be both on a political and quantum scale, and generally prove that even a perfect universe isn’t, all in one place.  The title is entirely facetious, and anyone who’s read any of my alien culture headcanons for this series knows that.  Lol.  Current status: lots of bits and pieces, but no good beginning or connective tissue.   I have a lot of notes, some arc outlines, and a few scattered scenes and bits of dialogue from later in the story, but my god, I CANNOT get it off the ground.

3. Someone Must Get Hurt (But It Won’t Be Me) is supposed to be a pretty wholly Honerva-centric fic that starts...sometime in her youth?...and carries forward to an as-yet-undetermined point.  Probably her death.  I mean the first one.  I’m not sure.  Another chance to dig my fingers into Altean culture and Alchemy, this time leading up to All The Bad Shit That Happened, with the added bonus of being done from a focal point of a character I have a lot of really strong feelings about both positive and negative that’s resulted in me somehow being EVEN MORE wrapped up in her than I was before I added abject knee-jerk trauma hatred to the mix.  In no way meant to make Honerva more sympathetic, I think I just want to write her even more like my mother so I’ll feel EVEN BETTER about killing her?  Idk man my feelings about her are so complicated.  Also an excuse to write a shitpot of her and Zarkon because listen, I’m really glad they’re married because I ship them so fuckin hard.   Current Status: SO many notes.  SO much infrastructure.  Like three pages of an opening I’m almost definitely throwing away because I can’t decide where, when, or how to open but feel like this isn’t it.  One short but very telling scene of Honey and Zarkon from late in the story.  I’m obsessed with it but I can’t get anywhere. 

4. Currently Untitled Demon Hunter AU started because my wife talks to me about Happier HOPEless a LOT and I just got an itch in my bones to work on one myself.  In spite of the entire Demon Hunter AU thing getting started by a prompt on a Shance blog, neither Shiro nor Lance are set to appear for at least a chapter?  And I am not confident in my ability to not veer off into utter non-shipping anyway because man, am I bad at it.  Or like...just an entirely different ship for either or both of them.  Current Status: A lot of vague notes, a POWERFUL urge to structure the chapters and overall arc after Ripley’s Gates even though that limits my chapter count and means I will DEFINITELY have 20k+ word chapters, and about seven pages of the first chapter so I guess I’m committed now?

5. Currently Untitled Post Series Fic basically exists for me to vent my frustrations about two main things: The Universe is Fucking Huge And There Are Dangers Other Than Galra, and The Galra Empire Was Huge and Is Not Going To All Fall In Line Behind Voltron Coalition and Especially Behind Keith Who Just Arbitrarily Fucking Decided To Tell Them They Couldn't Pick A New Leader According To Their Own Traditions And Need To Do What They’re Told Now What The Fuck.  Also there was a lot of stuff in the series that got left hanging, and while ReVolt is an IN-series fix-it fic, I wanted something that patched up loose ends in a way that was satisfactory to me but also kind of canon-compliant.  Current Status: A lot of notes and screaming.  No one has seen my progress on this and they might never.

6. Dog Runs And Death Dreams is a warmup file turned deeply self-indulgent series of scenes in which I choose to assume that Shiro’s rare neuromuscular disorder was left so ambiguous so I could plug the symptoms of mine into it.  It’s genuinely not any deeper than that.  The whole thing is set pre-Kerberos, and includes copious Shiro x Adam content because of it, but also not the kind that makes me feel good about writing because that means it includes the ‘slow fizzle’ that leads up to their breakup before the mission.  Ugh.  Working on it does make me feel better when I've been having symptoms, though, and I’ve been letting myself write it, unchastised, in a really loose rambly way that I usually deride myself for.  It’s just cathartic.  Current Status: no notes, no plan, just strain-writing between seizures, but somehow it feels like it has some kind of structure and just keeps growing?  Possibly too close to the bone for me to ever post.

7. Birth and Rebirth was born out of two things: the fact that Zarkon is shown to have two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT reactions to first being presented with his baby son in different flashbacks and different seasons, and the fact that in spite of the flashbacks we get at the end of the series, earlier on, the impression I got of Lotor and Zarkon’s relationship wasn’t of a young man who had never had affection from his father, but who had instead lost it.  Well, three things: I have a lot of underlying issues at work, at play, and at large when it comes to the Galra Imperial Family.  Also, anyone notice the monitor blips in the first baby Lotor flashbacks indicate a heart murmur?  Anyway, it was supposed to be a thoroughly self-indulgent and thoroughly self-hurtful examination of Lotor’s early life and the death by degrees of what was left of his father in the husk Rift Adventures left behind, but I got stuck on it a little way in.   Current Progress: ten pages, a lot of notes, and some wistfulness.  I keep hoping I’ll get inspired to pick it back up again.  Contemplating rewriting some of the beginning, maybe it’ll help?

Bonus entry that is not actually in any form of progress soever:

50/50 Voltron Trashfire Edition is spawned from the ‘50/50′ challenge on an old TF board I used to haunt.  It’s a fifty-prompt smut challenge using the list of ‘50 reasons to have sex’ from some tv show, and the idea is to write a different ship for every prompt (hence the name).  My wife is blazing through it and has several (like twelve?) up on her AO3, but I’ll be utterly blunt: I haven’t written fifty porn fics in my LIFE.  Over ALL my fandoms.  Current Status: Literally all I have done is assign a ship to each prompt, and I might actually have some prompts with just question marks beside them still.  I have one aborted start to one entry.  That’s it.  It’s not happening.  But the empty file is technically in the folder, SO.

[theeeveetamer]

This may be an odd request, but if it’s not too much trouble, may I get a modern ABO leokumi fic where Leo just becomes really obsessed with Takumi’s scent during his first pregnancy? I sorta headcanon that in all ABO verses that omegas gain a sweet milk undertone to their original scent from the time the pregnancy is detectable, and I imagine Leo would just become enamored with it while Takumi is just really weirded out. Again, sorry if this request is a little odd, but thank you in advance.

I definitely thought I posted this, because I finished writing this like two weeks ago but oh well, I finished it now! Side note, but I did not realize Tupperware is a proper noun. Learn something new every day.

Relevant Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Mpreg, Arguing, Making Up, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Scenting

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18305054

That bastard.

He shoved another spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth and grumbled under his breath. He’d been too annoyed to wash the few dishes they’d managed to unpack, so instead he’d spent twenty minutes digging through cardboard boxes to find one clean piece of flatware he could use instead.

Don’t unpack anything! We won’t be living here for very long.

Leo said that six months ago! But his mate was too busy to go house hunting, and he was cooped up in this tiny box of an apartment and crammed in with mountains-upon-fucking-mountains of everything they’d ever owned. He’d already ranted and raved about it over the phone to anyone and everyone that would listen to him, but it was a new city so at the end of the day he was still stuck in this mess by himself. If they’d been moved into an actual house he could have at least occupied himself with unpacking during the day until Leo got home from work.

Speaking of his mate...

Leo promised he would be home by six. It was nearly nine now. He didn’t know why he was surprised; Leo was always late. But it was Friday night and he’d promised he would be home on time to take him out to dinner.

He was going absolutely stir crazy. He wasn’t allowed to leave the house unless he was on suppressants or pregnant, and unfortunately he was currently neither of those things.

Fuck it. Maybe I should just tell Leo to shove it, we can start trying again later.

The little white bottle sitting on the kitchen counter called to him with its siren song of pseudo-freedom. But they were finally at a point in their lives where a baby was possible. Out of school, and Leo was making good money with this new job. More than what they’d been making combined, so he’d quit his job teaching and they moved several hours to the city without a second thought. They’d been able to comfortably bank one of their incomes for the past three years with a little frugal living, and it was more than enough for a down payment on a nice house. Three bedrooms, two baths… White picket fence and dog included.

Well, if either of them were actively searching the housing market. He’d told Leo to just get a real estate agent, but his bullheaded Alpha was convinced he could do things by himself, but he worked far too much to even look at properties. So it was looking like it would be up to him to find an agent.

And although he was itching to get started, there wasn’t much he could do about it until those little pink sticks in the bathroom started reading two lines. There were a lot of things he couldn’t do until Leo finally knocked him up, including going out to a nice dinner without his mate. He was finally going to get out of the damn house for once! He’d really been looking forward to it, too! Leo had made reservations at a little Italian place down the street that he’d been dying to try ever since they’d moved in, but here he was shoveling cold mashed potatoes into his face and watching reruns of some trashy wedding reality show.

He checked the time. It was already ten o’clock, and the sun had long since set, and the only light in the room was the blue glow of the television set.

I’m gonna kill him.

The front door clicked open a little while later. Frustration finally hitting it’s boiling point, he twisted around and chucked the empty plastic Tupperware container in that general direction. It connected -- if his mate’s angry swearing was anything to go by -- though it bounced off relatively harmlessly and clattered to the floor with a wholly unsatisfying thunk.

“Asshole.”

“What the fuck Takumi?”

He slammed the front door shut behind him, rattling the thin walls and probably waking up half of the people on their floor. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to wonder if the neighbors hated them or not.

“You said you were going to be home hours ago! Where the hell were you?”

“Work! Where else would I be?”

“I haven’t left the house in two weeks! You promised that you would be home on time!”

“And that gives you the right to throw things at me?!”

“It gives me the right to be upset!”

“Look, we have this huge deadline and everyone has been working late. My boss wasn’t going to let me leave early just because my mate is grumpy.”

He could practically hear the eyeroll in his Alpha’s voice. Takumi’s fingers curled tighter around his spoon, and his mind went completely blank with rage.

“Grumpy? I’m fucking furious! Why don’t I lock you in the house for a months on end and see how much fun you have with it?”

He got up off the couch and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring straight up into his mate’s eyes. Leo had a good eight inches on him, but it had never bothered him. Even if he had to crane his neck up he never backed down from a stubborn Alpha.

“You’re being completely unreasonable.”

Leo was infuriating. It was always “You’re being unreasonable”, or “You’re too angry right now”, or “it’s not a big deal” but it was! And it didn’t stop being a big deal just because Leo didn’t want to handle it!

The blonde had already retreated under that emotionless mask he’d spent so many years cultivating. Weren’t they supposed to be over this by now?

“I hate it when you do that. With your face I mean, if you’re upset then say something!”

“The only thing I’m upset about is the fact that my mate is throwing a tantrum like an immature child.”

“Fuck you!”

“You started this.”

“Is it so wrong of me to want a mate that keeps his damn word?!”

“Would you rather I get fired? Then what would we do? How the hell are we going to support a baby like that?”

“Ugh! You-- You’re impossible!”

He threw his dirty spoon down on the couch — He hadn’t even realized he’d still been holding it — and stormed into the bedroom. It was pretty impossible to put a lot of distance between them in their little one bedroom apartment. Normally he wouldn’t have minded the tight quarters, but he’d been getting testier the longer they tried for this baby.

He burrowed under the covers, still fully dressed, and tried to cool his head.

Leo only waited a few minutes, just long enough to put his work things away and the dirty dishes into the sink before he crawled into bed behind him. His mate wrapped his arms around his waist and nuzzled the back of his neck.

He sighed. He never could stay mad when Leo nipped at the back of his neck like that.

“Why can’t you just let me be angry? You aren’t playing fair.”

“All’s fair in love and war my dear, and as I recall I still love you.”

“I’m sorry for throwing things at you.”

“I’m sorry, I should have called you when I found out I’d be staying late. I keep forgetting that Sakura and your mother aren’t a fifteen minute drive away anymore.”

They were both so used to operating under the relative freedom that his heat suppressants allowed… Sometimes he even forgot that he couldn’t leave without taking them until he was half way out the door. Before they moved he could call Sakura or Mama up to keep him company, but now he was all alone in this new city.

“I know you can’t help it.”

His mate continued nuzzling along the side of his neck, far longer than he usually did.

“Um Leo? You can stop now, I’ve calmed down.”

“You smell… Really sweet.”

“You’re starting to freak me out.”

“Love… I think you’re pregnant.”

“What?”

He tried to pull away, but Leo’s nose was still firmly planted against his neck. His mate’s warm breath danced over his skin and made him shiver, though it wasn’t a wholly pleasant experience this time. Leo was acting very… Weird.

“You smell different.”

“Are you just saying this because I’ve been emotional? Because I swear--”

“No, really! I think you’re pregnant. Do you still have some tests in the bathroom?”

He shuffled out of bed and practically ran to the bathroom. Leo stood to follow him, but he slammed the door in his Alpha’s face before he could dare. He was still a little upset, and it was always so embarrassing to take these things in front of him.

“Takumi!”

“Talk to me in five minutes!”

He tried to occupy himself until that short amount of time passed, but it was excruciating. They’d been doing this for almost two months, and every time it had ended in disappointment. He could practically envision Leo sitting on the edge of the bed just outside the bathroom door, anxiously wringing his hands and trying to pretend like he wasn’t also worried.

“Leo!” He called out around the three minute mark.

“Yeah?”

“If this is negative and you got my hopes up then I’m going to kill you!”

He wasn’t still mad. Nope, not one bit. It was merely a joke to break the tension...

Gods, five minutes had never gone so slowly before, had it?

The second his timer went off he snatched the little pink stick off of the counter.

Two lines, clear as day.

He tossed the bathroom door open, and before Leo could even stand up he tackled him and knocked him flat on his back. Takumi pinned his shoulders to the bed, legs on either side of his waist.

“Is this a happy tackle or an I’m-going-to-kill-you tackle?”

“Happy, definitely happy.”

Leo beamed up at him with the most brilliant smile. It’d been awhile since he’d seen it, and gods he hadn’t realized how much he missed it. Takumi closed the gap between their lips and kissed him repeatedly, in excited little bursts. When he tired himself out, Leo wrapped his arms around him and drew him flush against his chest, nose buried in his hair.

“I can finally leave this damn apartment! First thing tomorrow we should make an appointment with the doctor… And we can start buying stuff for the nursery! We should probably pick a color scheme…”

“Mhmm…”

“Oh come on Leo! I know you’re just as excited about this as I am!”

“Sorry, love. You just smell so wonderful right now.”

“Stop being weird.” He pushed himself off of the bed and headed for the front door. “Well? Come on, get your wallet! You still owe me dinner.”

“Dinner? It’s nearly eleven!”

“I’m sure somewhere is open. Besides, you’re the one that kept me and the baby waiting in the first place!”

[mintedwitcher]

So who's gonna tell them that some of the most beloved and popular "original fictions" are just fanfics with the names/settings swapped out.

Who's also gonna tell them that some original fiction is just objectively BAD.

Like there is "original fiction" on shelves right now, real published books, that have intimate "erotic" scenes where a characters penis is described as a "dropped shower head" because it's thrashing and "shooting" so violently. Or where a woman's vagina is described as a "delicate flower". Or breasts described as wholly separate, animate objects that are apparently uncontrolled by basic physics or gravity.

Most writers don't just burst into the world of writing with a brand new entirely unique original idea. Almost every piece of fiction is inspired by another, whether it's the themes, the plots, the characters, or the settings. Many, if not most, if not perhaps all, writers got their start by playing around with pre-existing characters, AKA by writing fanfiction.

You cannot become a good writer without practice. No one is just simply BORN able to craft a perfect story, no matter how advanced their grasp of language is.

Also who told this fool that fanfic writers don't draft or edit their works? I currently have five drafts of the exact same fic sitting in a folder on my laptop right now, because I like parts of each different draft but it isn't *right* yet. I spend more time editing my fics than I spend writing them half the time. And I know multiple fic writers who are exactly the same way. We can be just as nitpicky about our work as a published author is about theirs.

You dont have to read fanfic, you don't have to like it, but you do have to respect it. Fanfic writers put their time and energy into creating these alternate stories FOR FREE, just out of the simple enjoyment of a series and the need to create. It is not a "lesser" form of writing just because it isn't monetised.

(Anyway if you hate fandom and fanworks that much you're on the wrong fucking website, asshole.)

oh ive got a great one. the first fanfic i ever wrote was a super mario bros fanfic when i was nine years old. but when i opened microsoft word on the family computer there was a bunch of words already on the page, so i deleted it all in order for nothing to interrupt my super mario bros storys flow. i wrote the whole thing in a day and was very proud and saved it. two days later my dad sits me down and explains to me that hes had a lot of trouble finding a job since he got laid off, and that hes been sending his resume to dozens of employers. he asks me if i know what a resume is. i say no. he explains to me what a resume is, and then informs me that the words i deleted on the microsoft word page was his resume and hes been sending dozens of employers his nine year old daughters super mario bros fanfiction. i was never allowed on the family computer again.

.

[bigskydreaming]

About that last Cass meta, I wanted to correct or elaborate on something I realized in hindsight lends the wrong impression. This happens a lot with me, especially the longer a post gets, because I’m just trying to cram SO MUCH stuff in a post as is that I leave stuff by the wayside, and it typically tends to be the stuff I think is so matter-of-factly obvious to me personally, that in the moment it seems to be the most obvious thing TO leave out, as I instinctively think of it as the thing most people would figure out or connect the dots on themselves. Most of my posts I tend to write stream of consciousness as though I’m literally just speaking to anyone who follows me, and aren’t like, made with either the intention of gaining new followers or even REACHING people who don’t follow me, so like, just because I’m thinking ‘oh anyone who follows me would already know I think this’ like....that isn’t a valid assumption to make about anyone who just might read a particular post. And like, this isn’t reasonable on my part and does tend to lead to a lot of misunderstandings. So.....that’s a thing and its also a mea culpa.

In this particular case, the thing I need to elaborate on is my stance on how Cass is written speaking. When I spoke of the racist tropes I think are evident in a number of Cass’ depictions, even if unintentionally, this was NOT meant to reference or invalidate peoples’ conscious choice to make Cass have trouble with the spoken word due to various disabilities that might stem from the way her brain’s very wiring has been messed with in her backstory and appearances.

Writing Cass as disabled and having various speech impediments or trouble translating her thoughts into speech for neurological reasons is one hundred percent valid, and I should have used more nuance when describing my issue there. Personally, I tend to write her as being dyslexic and having aphasia, but she hasn’t had a specific speech or learning disability NAMED in canon as far as I’m aware, and there’s plenty that could feasibly apply.

But what I was talking about specifically is like......for instance, some people write Cass as struggling with ENGLISH, specifically, but fluent in not just sign....but say, Cantonese or another Chinese dialect as well. This is when red flags go up for me because I’m like, hmm, that’s an interesting choice that doesn’t seem to have anything to do with story logic, because see, Cassandra’s only issues with language are due to something that affects her equally with ALL languages. She only BEGAN learning languages not long after her first appearances, and the barrier that kept her from doing so previously like.....it went down in regards to ALL languages at the exact same time. 

So while it definitely is reasonable to have Cass being more comfortable signing than speaking out loud due to the fact that she prioritized learning sign language first, is less familiar and thus potentially comfortable with being part of spoken and verbal conversations period, and perhaps depending on what specific speech or neurological disabilities you write her as having is physiologically more adept at translating her thoughts into sign language without any trouble than she is selecting verbal words......what DOESN’T make sense is Cass having somehow picked up Chinese over the past several in-universe years, but its English specifically she struggles with and has a barrier conversing with her siblings in it. THAT specifically is where I would say hey maybe if this is a choice you’ve made in your own writing, this is one where you should look at what made you make that choice and second guess it like mmmm what WAS I thinking there precisely, and was that thought something I want to stand by, upon reflection.

Similarly......there is a certain WAY that people go about writing Cass struggling with speech that raises red flags for me......and that’s when they write Cass speaking the broken English I referred to specifically in that post, as in, the way Hollywood depicts caricatures of Chinese characters speaking non-fluent English. There’s a very familiar and evident cadence to that, which I believe a lot of people simply default to when writing an Asian character who has speech issues, but again, this is something that you should probably subject to more self-scrutiny. Because a Cass who has speech issues due to a neurological disability is going to display those issues in a fairly consistent way no matter how long its been since she started learning whatever language it is she’s speaking, albeit with some variance that accounts for workarounds she might have developed or learned to compensate for any issues she has there. But what she’s not going to do, IMO, is perpetually speak English in a cadence that lends the impression that she’s just not familiar with the language or struggles learning it or just hasn’t become proficient with it regardless of however many years she’s supposedly been learning or using it at this point. I’ve heard a lot of people with various speech or neurological disorders speak, but personally? I’ve never heard someone speak with a speech or neurological disorder that manifests in them speaking like a racist caricature of a Chinese character according to Hollywood depictions. THAT, specifically, is my issue there.

(And related, my reference to Cass being as much a genius as anyone in her family in that last post was meant to specifically highlight how well and how quickly Cass DOES adapt to a society she was not at all raised to be a part of, once she’s given resources and support in order to enable her to do so. Cass picks things up with TREMENDOUS speed in the comics, and so part of my ire about that last trope in particular is how often I come across fics where by their DEPICTION of Cass’ speech issues, it seems a lot more like she just hasn’t become fluent in English yet. And although its of course true that she had a very late start, if she’s been a member of the family for years at this point in your fic and you’re not bringing up any specific speech or learning disability affecting her ability to learn English, and thus it basically looks like despite years of practice Cass simply hasn’t managed to attain enough of a command of this particular language to comfortably converse in it with her family.....that’s when I go scrunchy-eyebrowed. Because like I said, Cass is SMART and she picks things up damn fast, and without any other explanation provided in narrative for why she’s struggling here specifically, I AM going to draw my own conclusions about why you’re writing her speech the way you are, and you probably aren’t gonna like my conclusions but that’s really more of a you problem at that point, IMO).

And finally, I think but don’t quote me on that, I’m a mind changer, I change my mind a lot......the last issue I have where I see red flags go up when it comes to Cass and communication is when Cass is struggling with speaking English but without direct reference made to her doing so because of a specific speech or learning disability....and at the same time, the author of the fic shows no acknowledgment of any other character’s disability or any desire or intention to depict any of the other characters with some canon disability or another as actually disabled. I’m not gonna lie, although Babs is able-bodied in canon at the moment, if someone’s writing Babs that way while writing a Cass that seems plucked out of pre-Flashpoint continuity rather than based specifically in her Batman and Robin Eternal origin......I’m not gonna be all that inclined to give the author the benefit of the doubt there and assume their depiction of Cass’ speech issues is due to an actual desire to write her as disability rep. I mean, it could be that I’m wrong and they are! I don’t actually know! I’ve been wrong before, I’ll be wrong again, either way the world WILL go on! I’m just saying it like it is.....point blank, if there’s no sign of a single other disabled character in your work and Cass just so happens to visibly struggle with speaking English, I’m just not gonna automatically assume its because you’re writing her as disabled rather than just writing her while racist. And if you ever do end up called out for that and its only after the fact that you suddenly seem to backpedal and insist you were just writing her as disabled all along, my skepticism, it will still abound. *Shrugs* It just is what it is. Do with that what you will. Literally just like, my opinion dude.

But anyway! That is the nuance I should have included at that part in my already behemoth-esque post but didn’t, but that is very much a mea culpa and so please take this as a wholly necessary post script. Disabled Cass one hundred percent has my support and I should have been more conscious about implying otherwise, no matter the point I was trying to raise at the moment there.

[andagii-writes]

“A Drop Echoes” Postmortem

Or as I like to think of it, a grand old vomitfest that I've been writing in between chapters so I can keep myself oriented on the fic. And I waited until I finished uploading A Drop Echoes in the Hollow to post it here.

Speaking of which, did you guys enjoy it? While I see all the comments and kudos and bookmarks on AO3, as well as reviews, favorites, and follows on fanfiction.net, I just want to ask. It's literally been nearly 6 years since I posted ANY fanfic online, and having had a not-so-good experience with online socializing or collaboration before, I'd been fairly apprehensive to start posting again.

Shout-out to both Ginger and Draco @gingerdrakewrites and their fics for giving me the courage to move on from those bad memories, and spurring me to start writing and posting again.

I’m here to share some thoughts with y'all about this here fic, 'kay? It's gonna be a long one so pull up a chair, warm up a tea or coffee or cocoa or whatever, drape yourself in a blanket, and relax.

Regarding Kutone

Writing professors told us all the time, that the first full-length project we finish will almost always be some kind of autobiography.

While I haven't had the same tribulations as Kutone, yeah, she is my autobiography.

Mixed race, Afro-Asian. Fairly successful in academia and supposedly has the potential to do more, but she throws it away to pursue something for her own sake. Overcomes self-inflicted isolation and learns to trust and love people again. (Admittedly, I'm nowhere close to doing that last bit.)

After that, she's the ideal I want to be.

Successful. Cool. Sexy. Independent. A little bit taller. A bit of a baller. Badass. Experienced. Confident. I count all these things she has that I don't, and I shrivel up inside.

So here's Kutone, the woman I wish I could be, and I, as the writer, pushed her off her pedestal and shattered her. It felt nice. That there's character development, supposedly.

Writing professors and college-level workshop mates also told me "don't use exotic names for your characters."

To that I say fuck all y'all.

Regarding Sebastian

AKA, the major reason why I decided to purchase Stardew Valley in the first place. Funny story, this one. I was scrolling through the screenshots on the Stardew Valley Steam page, and I think there was a screenshot that happened to show Sebastian's sprite. "Oh okay," I think, "he's kinda cute."

My sister charges in, takes one look at the screenshot, and says, "Man I was about to say he's cute, but god that nose..."

And as we cackled at Sebastian’s expense, I bought the game and started playing it. Made Kutone my avatar (meaning she seriously had no significance until I developed a certain businessman...) and started futzing around in Stardew Valley. With Harvest Moon and Animal Crossing under my belt, I got it pretty quickly.

Met Sebastian and had to put my head down for a few minutes.

‘This man is a reflection of me,’ I thought. I know a lot of other players feel the same way, like the dev had unknowingly taken a piece of my psyche, molded it into pixels and coding, and then, huh, here's a relatable character named Sebastian. That being said, I wanted to write him in a way that avoided the usual tags and labels people tend to slap him under: "emo," "goth," "depressed," "anxious," "gloomy," and basically every other iteration of those words that I felt made him so... meh, you know?

I settled on a new label for him, a label intrinsic to A Drop Echoes: "pathologically introverted."

The guy's actually really expressive, you know. It's just that, due to not being able to wholly trust anyone, he doesn't readily show those expressions. Which would explain why he's such close friends with Sam, and it also gives him a whole other layer of characterization to work with. Minimal, yet loaded. I guess that's where the popular "emo" tag comes from, but I'm still not a fan of the nuances of that label. Yes, he's emotional, and he tries, I think, to not show it, but in the face of sheer logos (like Demetrius), Sebastian knows he doesn't stand a chance. He's hyper aware of the fact he's emotional, but can't compromise that with his more logical side. So he shuts it away.

He needs a safe place to open up. Sam is that safe place. Abigail is that safe place. To a lesser extent, Robin is that safe place. And in writing A Drop Echoes, I wanted him to find another safe place--a permanent safe place--in Kutone. Someone who's a lot closer to him in personality, and someone who seriously puts her faith in him as a safe place. More than anything else in his life, that reciprocation is the magic he needs to "come alive" again. After that is a matter of, will he take it and run and see how far he can go? He knows he has potential. And he has his plan: take his bike out and never look back. Head out to the city and live his ideal life there. Does he fulfill it?

The original game didn't let him.

I like to think Kutone did.

Regarding Rhei

Origin? I had a crush on someone a lot like him--though mine was more angelic in comparison to devilish Rhei--at the same time I remembered a rule in a handbook about no dating in the same workplace. Yeah...

Anyway, based on what I eyeballed from the comments, about 96% of you hated Rhei. How do you feel about him now? Tell me things!

At the time I wrote the chapter starring him, I made this post, which was basically me fangirling over my own character.

Bet you didn't click it. That's okay. TL;DR, Rhei very nearly destroyed the rest of this fic, because Kutone was thiiiiiiis close to getting back together with him. Maybe in some AU version of the fic, they did, and that would be an interesting story on its own. She would have totally broken Sebastian's heart. Totally. That would have been some fun angst to write, but dealing with love triangles and their fallouts--even thinking about that concept makes me shrivel up inside.

I actually have an entire standalone document detailing Rhei and Kutone's relationship! How it started, how Jaci got involved, how successful Rhei and Kutone were, how deeply in love they were. They were too perfect for each other, so they burned up like blazing sawdust. This piece is their theme song. (Also I'm in love with biosphere mkay spare me.)

Regarding Changes

Grading myself here, I think I'm at a B-?

I did good on this fic. Still a good chunk of room for improvement, but despite the fact I want nothing more than to get it out of my face, I like what I've done. Like damn. I wrote a book and I kinda like it.

Things I'd change:

1. Wordiness - I do get too purple in some places, but I also would not sacrifice my prose poetry in certain parts either. 2. Risks - I thought about a lot of these. For instance, Kutone should have slept with Alex, and Seb should have caught them. Again, like Rhei barging in, this would have changed the entire arc of the fic, and I believe that once you cheat, there's no going back to what you were before. Doubt's always going to be a source of conflict in the relationship, and I refuse to believe people like Sebastian or Kutone would ever trust each other again if an affair was on the table. So I shriveled away from that risk too. Sometimes, I gotta let my imagination go there, and see where each rabbit hole takes me, y'know? 3. Omit BS - I'd either cut or fuse a lot of the early chapters. Also, much as I love Alex, a couple of his chapters were really unnecessary. 4. Character arc/Story arc - Is it even there? It needs more! What is even a climax? That was always the one point in the "mapping plot arcs" lessons that I could NEVER understand! More studying necessary.

Any other thoughts? Anything you guys want to ask me about A Drop Echoes before I fully focus on Sunset Stars? Ask me anything, send me your thoughts, theories, conspiracies, cries of mercy, comments or questions to my characters, anything at all, to my lonely inbox.

Also, lastly, but not least, I want to use this moment to thank you all again. For real. Thank you for your love and support, and thank you especially for cheering Kutone on to the end. 

With that...

[jesterlady]

Absolutely feel free to skip this one because it’s very long and very spoiler-y.

How can I explain Farscape?  No, I'm not going to do the Mean Girls thing, it wouldn't do it justice. I think what makes Farscape so special was that it wholly embraced its scifi-ness and yet somehow managed to invert most of the tropes therein, in such a way that still managed to make it seem ground breaking and yet completely scifi.  One of the ways it does this is the fact there's only one human on this show.  John Crichton is our guide to the universe and the eyes through which everything is filtered (totally making him like the companion on DW, lol) but the show is a big melting pot of alien.  Even the aliens that are humanoid or look human have very specific cultures, physiology, mannerisms, and values that make them completely alien.  It's a bit shocking to get used to. Before I watched Farscape the only thing I knew about it was that it was extremely popular and made with Muppets in Australia.  In fact during the first episode I got all confused because all along I'm been assuming John Sheppard from Stargate Atlantis was Crichton, whoops. The first episode itself didn't immediately make me fall in love but it didn't take much more than the first half of a season to make me completely involved, in a good way or a bad way.  Like I said, this show doesn't play by humanity's rules.  Crichton may be the lead of the show and he may influence them all in huge ways, but these are incredibly different creatures with extremely different morals.  One of the very first episodes deals with three of the characters cutting off the arm of the Pilot in order to secure maps to their home worlds.  I was so pissed off and I kept on being pissed off through the whole episode and you know what...they don't apologize or realize it was wrong and they weren't influenced by the alien bad guy like I thought at first, in fact, in the end scene D'Argo even says he'd do it again.  He was attempting in his own way to make it up to Pilot, but he wasn't backing down.  I fretted and fumed about it for a while and then started writing fic in my head to fix it, but the episode brings home an important fact.  This isn't Star Trek, these aren't people, this show does things differently, and the main characters might not always be likeable.  John and Aeryn both bring up the incident later when they're being accused of something to remind everyone that that they were the ones who were a. psychotic about reaching home and b. not exactly careful about treating Pilot well, but that's all you get on that front. So, yeah, it's an interesting show to get used to.  The cute little Muppet is a dirty, greedy, rotten old man who betrays them countless times and constantly deserves to get spaced.  When Chiana joins the crew later she's like a little alien street rat who uses her body and whatever else she can to get by, but even though the only thing alien looking about her is makeup, her physicality is so incredible.  The actress just makes her move and stand and be alien, it's amazing, she's like a living puppet on strings. It's not the greatest budget on the planet and the special effects weren't amazing, but using the prosthetics and the puppets, actually made it really cool.  I love shows set in Australia, they just don't care if they reuse actors a bunch or if everyone speaks with an Aussie accent, they just focus on making their show and trust it to deliver what the budget can't.  It's very inspiring. And like I said, it turns things on their head.  Our lead John Crichton is so very Southern and he's all action hero and all, but he's also a scientist, an astronaut, incredibly smart, peculiarly fitted to understand space and learn to live with aliens.  His plans are insane and they always work even though they require a lot of improvisation along the way.  He's a pop culture machine, always spitting out references, which we get, but the aliens don't.  It's always a joy to wonder what he'll say next and what new nickname he'll give someone.  Now, he's got a reason to act crazy.   Literally just being shot to the other end of the universe and living among aliens would do that, but then he is hunted by Crais, Mr. Head Peacekeeper, and then gets the most wanted tech in the universe, wormhole knowledge, encoded in his brain.  So literally everyone wants to capture him and when he does get captured, he's tortured and then turned into Mr. Nosferatu Scorpius's pet science project, up to the point of having a chip in his head and then neural clones.  Imagine living with your worst enemy in your head.  I mean, it's no wonder Crichton is insane.  To be honest, I love Insane!Crichton, he's hilarious.  But...it's torture to watch at the same time.  At the end of S2, when they're desperately trying to get the chip out and each time it doesn't work out, I was audibly begging the invisible showmakers to please let him get the chip out. Of course the torture didn't end with the chip, why would it?  What is most torturous and most wondrous about the show is John and Aeryn's relationship.  I mean, talk about a romance for the ages.  They're never fully together it seems, they're never actually apart, but it doesn't feel like a 'will they, won't they' type of deal.  They are bound by astonishingly amazing chemistry and it just builds and builds until their UST is enough to make you explode.   But even that's all backwards because they have sex like first thing in the first season, and then it's never a thing really.  But they talk and talk and talk and work well together and protect each other and look at each other and sometimes even cuddle in Pilot's den.   Now Aeryn is stiff and bred for war and was taught love was a weakness.  She is an outcast from her people and adrift amongst the very people she was born to kill and hate.  It's difficult, oh yeah.  All through S2 she's just fighting it like crazy.  There's this whole 3 parter where John actually gets married to and has a baby with some Princess but he'll never live long enough to see his child and Aeryn is off freaking out while he's being held hostage in this situation.  At the end...do we get a beautiful reunion?  Nope, we get them both knowing that they're compatible and smiling.  Finally, finally when she does admit she loves him, he's being taken over by the evil clone in his head and he ends up killing her. Oh, and then when she's brought back to life by Zhaan (so sad Zhaan died like that.  I mean, it was beautiful, but I hated that she was gone) Aeryn admits to John she loves him but she won't be with him because Zhaan gave her life for Aeryn and Aeryn won't risk feelings because it would get people hurt.  Trope annoyance alert! I hate the whole 'I love you but I won't be with you because I would lose focus and it would hurt more if one of us died' bits.  You're gonna be worried about him anyway, honey, you might as well enjoy the fun part of love. Anyway...S3 was all sorts of fun and angst.   Because they twin John so now there's a copy and an original.  As soon as they didn't resolve that by the end of that episode I knew there was going to be angst about it, I spent like 10 episodes analyzing everything they each did and trying to figure out who was the copy and who I should root for to live and be with Aeryn.  By the way, they never reveal who the copy is.  So I will never know if John Crichton actually died in the Uncharted Territories.  This show, this show. But what they did was actually really clever and interesting.  They split the crew up for most of the season on two ships.  One Crichton on each. So they got to develop some interesting storylines that way.  Of course, as soon as Aeryn ended up with one of the Crichtons on Talyn, you kind of felt he was doomed.  Red shirt alert!  Another trope not inverted but held for maximum angst.  Because of course she and that John got together and it was beautiful and perfect and wonderful.  Then in a dramatic two parter, that John finally unlocks the wormhole tech in his brain and gets rid of the Scorpius clone living in his head while with Aeryn in beautiful, tangible love so...naturally he dies of radiation poisoning. It wrecks Aeryn, she finally opened up and then she had to grieve so she clams right the hell back up.  I mean, I knew it would happen, but I was so sad for the other Crichton because he's been on Moya missing her like hell and the saddest moment in all of Farscape (apart from Zhaan and D'Argo's deaths) is when he runs up to the transport pod with the cutest love struck look on his face, so anxious to see her again, and she just cuts him.  Oh, it breaks my heart to think about it. Of course, then they have to work together and it's obvious they both still care.  I get it with her, but I'm just like 'girl, you have the best opportunity in the world, to watch the one you die and still be able to have exactly him.'  They've both had to watch each other die at this point.  At the end of the season she leaves and he tries to stop her but she can't deal and he lets her go because they freaking toss a coin to see who wins that argument.  Wow.  Of course, magically (this whole bit is kind of silly) he finds out she's pregnant after she goes!  (Neranti is just weird but again, a delightfully non human element of the show that they just stick in.) So next season when they get reunited and she's finally figured things out a bit, but she still can't tell him the whole truth or if the baby is even his (weird alien gestation alert) and so he decides he can't trust his heart to her.  Ack!  Then she's working on building his trust back up and he's taking drugs to dull his feelings for her.  I am usually with Crichton on their relationship stuff cause she's so bad at (unused to) it but this time I was about ready to smack that boy.  I was clutching a pillow and yelling at the screen for him to say no to drugs for so much of that season.  Turns out it was all a ploy to protect her and the baby from Scorpius (which is also silly) but then as soon as she called him on it they started a secret relationship and it's going to be fine but she gets kidnapped and tortured and he breaks all hell and makes a deal with the devil to save her and they accidentally start an interstellar war and the Scarrans are going to attack Earth and Crichton collapses the wormhole that would let him go home again and then the baby is his and he proposes and they kiss and are happy and happy and happy and then they get shot and turned into crystals and the series ends... Yeah, this show ends every season on a cliffhanger and they got canceled.  I actually only found that out at the start of S4 when I started to question if it would be okay.  I freaked out and googled it and found out they had a miniseries to wrap things up.  Heart quieted at that point, maybe it was knowing that the story would continue on, but actually the ending wasn't so bad if it had ended there.  I could have happily pretended the last two bits didn't exist and that it ended with them getting engaged and having a baby and defeating the Scarrans.  I don't know. What I do know is that there was a miniseries that wrapped things up really well, completing the arcs and wrapping up the wormholes and the Peacekeeper/Scarran war and resolving John and Aeryn perfectly, giving them the happy ending they deserved with marriage and baby. Not to say that everything ended happily because D'Argo died and I don't like that at all.  He kind of asked for it, resolving things with Chiana and Jothee like that. Now, bits of the show that were weird and involve all of that.  D'Argo and Chiana get together in S2.  It was a bit weird and out of the blue if you ask me.  Not that they couldn't be together, but I feel like it was fairly obvious that D'Argo and Zhaan were really heading somewhere and then it just...stopped.  D'Argo and Chiana were not an obvious couple and she's all innocence and sensuality and little girl (D'Argo always felt a bit like her dad to me).  D'Argo is all honor and loyalty and commitment.  Now...D'Argo has been searching for his son Jothee for the last two seasons and they finally reunite at the end of S2 and it's so beautiful and gorgeous, but all hell breaks loose and they have to fight a war and all that and in the chaos Chiana and Jothee sleep together.   WHAT?  Chiana's been freaking out about D'Argo preparing to ask her to marry him, but geez.  It's another example of how the show is not afraid to make its characters do things that aren't likeable and aren't human, but still, that one threw me.  I feel like there were so many other ways they could have gone with that.  I would have really liked to have had Jothee join the show and have him and D'Argo really struggle with getting to know each other again and, if they weren't meant to be, Chiana and D'Argo could have plenty of relationship issues without that huge betrayal.  Maybe Jothee and Chiana could even end up together but only after proper development.  But instead, they did that.  Jothee leaves and we don't see him again until the miniseries.  D'Argo forgives Chiana but they don't get back together until the end of S4 and then things get all good between them in the miniseries and then, naturally, D'Argo dies. John and Aeryn name their baby after him!  Sob! But like I said, the show wrapped everything up pretty well and they were extremely good about pacing, really, about telling a deliberate story with plenty of room for natural development along the way and making sure every character and relationship and story arc got fulfilled.  The only thing I felt like got dangled and forgotten was from S3.  Stark, I have a special place in my heart for Stark, not sure why.  Boy is legit crazy and sane at the same time.  Him and Zhaan could have been nice.   But they do this whole thing with him being on Talyn while the crew is split up where he finds out what Crais and Talyn are up to and there's this whole menacing threat to Crais and then when he leaves, he encodes a message for Crichton on his mask and when John starts to listen to it, it gets interrupted and we never hear what Stark wanted to say.  Even when Stark comes back, it's never referred to ever again.  It might have become a moot point because Crais and Talyn sacrifice themselves for everyone at the end of that season, but I still feel like it was a pretty big thing to just leave hanging like that. So...I can't describe Farscape and what it means to me.  The show completely wrapped itself in my insides and won't let go.  I just want to watch it over and over again and I wish there was more and yet I'm so glad it ended the way it did.  This show lived and breathed naturally and it wasn't afraid to make bold choices, assuming its audience's intelligence, and yet it entertained.  The episodes Crackers Don't Matter and John Quixote are so hilarious.  Every bit where John interacts with Harvey in his brain is so amazing and funny.  The acting is flawless, the writing brilliant, the creativity boundless.  This show is submersive, you can't help but be drawn in and caught up in the plight of the living ship Moya and her crew.  Found family is one of my favorite things and this absolutely encapsulates that.  I remember reflecting in S1 that I didn't think they could ever all be a cohesive whole because everyone was so different.   That never changed but even the unlikable characters (Jool started out so so annoying but I actually really grew to like her) and the people who did things that made you angry, somehow they're still a vital and amazing part of a family and they fight for each other, they're trying to survive.  They're caught up in a galaxy's machinations and politics and wars, and mostly what they want to do is go home and protect each other.  They have to do horrible things along the way.  They don't always win.  There's a truly awful episode where they go back in time and end up causing the slaughter of a bunch of nuns!  I mean, wow.  But in the end, you root for them and you will die rooting for them.  All the different interactions are important.  Obviously John and Aeryn are the heart and soul, but Aeryn's relationship with Pilot is so touching and tender.  Crichton and Chiana have this slightly sexual but yet not, brother and sister relationship that could be weird yet never is.  John and D'Argo's epic, bickering bromance is a thing for the ages.  It's just beautiful.  It's like Crichton, a plague that has ruined my life.

I watched 4 seasons and 1 mini series in 14 days.  It was perfect because I was on vacation for the first 10 days and I actually really took my time, feeling like I had the time. I started it casually, but it quickly consumed everything.  I lived and breathed Farscape for those days even when I was doing other things and I made sure I did other things.  My hands were shaking, my heart was racing, I clutched pillows and yelled at the screen, and I did happy squee flailing and monkey dancing around my living room on more than one occasion.  This show is not casual, it is a lifestyle.  I am so glad I was not watching it while it was on air because having to wait even a microt for between seasons would have been horrible and too much.  It is such a blessing though, the perfect sci fi show.  It's not a perfect show like Leverage is literally perfect and I would never change a thing about it and it's not fluff and happiness and comedy like Parks and Rec is perfect, but it is everything a scifi show should be and it has all the ingredients necessary to make it absolutely one of the best shows I have ever seen. 10 out of 10 recommend.  Make sure you have some time because binge watching is so necessary with this one but do it, do it, do it.