#but also not to be depressing but.... it's been pretty hard posting and making art for some time.... down in the dumps and stuff

[uyuforu]

Is lunar return as important as solar return? What's the difference? Are the interpretations the same?

Thanks 🤎

Astro Observations: Lunar Return Chart I

Hii! That's a very good question! So Lunar Return Chart is pretty similar to Solar Return Chart, except that it is focused on the moon. While the Sun takes a year to come back, the Moon takes a month, so your Lunar Return Chart change every month. It will tell you how your month will go, what will most likely happen. I have never been through a lot of Lunar RC but I will try yo make an observation post now! I hope you will like it :)

How to make a LRC?

✮⋆˙ Go on Astro.com

✮⋆˙ Free Horoscopes > Horoscope Drawings & Data > Extended Chart Selection

✮⋆˙ Chart Type: Scroll to "Lunar Return Chart"

✮⋆˙ Start Date: I suggest to start with 1st of the month and you'll see the date written when your LRC starts on your chart.

╰┈➤ For ex: For April, mine starts on April 12th 2024 and the next date if May 5th 2024 for my May LRC. So be careful about the dates!

✮⋆˙ Don't forget to add additional objects if you want to, and you are done!

All pictures are from Pinterest.

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Observations I

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Synastry I

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Synastry II

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ִ ࣪𖤐 Best tool to know about LRC.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun 1H will make you have focused on confidence this month. You could also be more bold and you could be more courageous. You could want to take actions on whenever house/ sign is complimentary to that placement. You could also move more and be more physical in general.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun 3H will make you have a month focused on expressing yourself. You could also commit to know more about yourself, discover yourself, and it could be a time of getting to know us better.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sagittarius Rising/ 21° will makes you appear as pretty open minded this month! You could appear as curious, smart, immature too, but you could also appear as someone who knows a lot of things and who want to learn more.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Gemini Rising/ 27° is quite similar as Sagittarius Rising/ 21° but you could appear as gossipy or veryyyy talkative lol. People could think you speak non stop.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Moon will always be at the same sign as your Natal Moon and same degree also, so you should look mostly on which house it falls every month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Moon 5H will make you feel quite creative this month. If you want children, you could want to be pregnant. You could also find yourself spending more time with children this month! You could be very sensitive to art in general but also you could be good at acting/ pretending your emotions. You could want to spend more time with friends, loved ones. You could be more flirty this month too. More romantic.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mercury 3H means you will def speak this month about you, your thoughts, your feelings, you will share! It's a good time to go to therapy, to talk to a friend about you and what is deep inside of you. You will probably need to lash out. You could also spend a lot of time just talking, small talking, but actually speak with people will probably be a need this month. You could also be very into drama and gossips lol.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus 3H could mean you could do or have a love confession! You could speak a lot about your feelings this month, speak a lot about love and how you love people around you. But you could be overanalyzing or overthinking your feelings and your relationships with your loved ones this month too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Chiron 3H could mean you will have hard time with communication this month, you could argue more with your friends, or people in general. This could be because of miscommunication or just misunderstanding people. You could also speak in a more mean way this month, and be more vulgar too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars 12H could mean you are quite sensible this month and you could not have much motivation. You could be very lazy and it could also be a sign of depression.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars 2H could also be you being lazy but you could also be very money focused. You could not be quite that motivated.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter 5H means you will be lucky for sure this month and you'll probably be very creative too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter conjunct Uranus 5H could mean a sudden idea on the creative side, or a sudden luck that you didn't expect.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars conjunct Saturn means you'll struggle to be motivated this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Saturn 2H could be that you'll very focused on your money and income situation, this can be stressful because you'll feel like you need to take responsibility for that.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Uranus 5H could be a sign of sudden ideas, sudden popularity, sudden love and flirt, romance could happen unexpectedly, but also fun moments.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Pluto 1H could be there is a big change about your physically. Perhaps you'll decide to lose weight or do more sport this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun 10H means you can focus a lot on your career, your reputation, how people see you but also you progress in your life. You could become just very hard working and you could be more busy during this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Moon 11H could be that you'll probably spend a lot of time online, you could also find some comfort online, talking to some online friends perhaps or just texting/ calling friends. It could also watch a show you love, or playing video games. Technologies and internet can bring you comfort. But being with friends, talking to friends or spending time with people with whom you feel good.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mercury 9H could be that you can be focused about learning a new language, or learning things about a certain culture. You could also just be very focused on your studies, whatever you do. Even if you work, you could be very focused about learning new techniques or tools. You could also be more into spirituality than before.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Leo/ 5°/ 17°/ 29° Rising will make you seen as very popular, someone people look at a lot, you could be seen as the main character. You could be very fashionable and you could dress up very well this month. Could be a sign to be a it-girl.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Libra/ 7°/ 19° Rising will make you be perceived as very beautiful, fashionable, good looking, you could be seen as someone who dress up well, do well your make up, take care of your appearance.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun conjunct Venus in 10H could mean you could become very popular and well liked by other people this month. You could have a lovely reputation. You could also get a good popularity at work.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus 10H will make you love your job! You could also love your reputation lol. This could be a sign of you feeling more well liked and you could really like the popularity you get.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus conjunct Uranus 10H means you can get an unexpected popularity at work, or recognition. You could not expect it, or this can be pretty sudden and unplanned. This could also happen online.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun conjunct Uranus 10H could represent sudden fame! It can also represent sudden rise up in your work, career, you could get a sudden recognition for something you do. A good popularity and rise up in your reputation.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars 9H could mean you'll have more motivation in studying this month. You could want to learn more and you'll have a lot of drive to do so. You could also be very motivated to expand your knowledge in general.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mercury conjunct Mars 9H means you'll study a lot during this month. You could want to achieve a certain goal. You could also be talking a lot about your spiritual goals if you have some.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter 10H means you can get lucky in your job and career. You'll also be very luck in general because of your good reputation! This also means you'll probably get good opportunities at work.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus conjunct Jupiter 10H represents big opportunities that you probably always wanted to happen in your work. Opportunities that will make you love your job more.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun conjunct Jupiter 10H means your month will be very focused on your work and the opportunities you'll have. You'll be very focused on your career this month because you'll feel more lucky about it.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter conjunct Uranus 10H means unexpected opportunities and good fortune in the work field! Happy!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Uranus 10H means expect the unexpected in your career field! You could have some things happening suddenly in your work.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Saturn 8H could be a sign of feeling very overwhelmed, and depressed this month. You could have the feeling to go insane sometimes. Be aware of this, this is a sign to be careful with your thoughts. Your mental health will not be that great, so don't be afraid to ask for help.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Neptune 9H means some life lessons will probably confuse you and you can get hard times to learn those. But this could also mean you will probably be more spiritual this month!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Vertex 5H means something important could happen in your love life, fun life or creative life.

ִ ࣪𖤐 When your LRC Rising is the same as your SRC then this month will be very important in your life!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Pluto 6H means there could be a change in your health and how you eat, how you live your life. You could also try to work on your health, and mental health too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Part of Fortune 1H could be a sign of a glow up. It could also be a sign of you being naturally lucky this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 North Node 9H could mean you will learn some important life lessons this month.

Thank you for reading!

back to index ; ask ; request ; rules ; instagram

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

Previous pinned post.

[science-lings]

Being annoying about each option under the cut

1- Ryunosuke has no other pictures of his bestie's face except for the one of his 'corpse' and that is Fucked Up, which is why I love it. this hc is based on the fact that during my playthrough I looked at the picture so many times bc I missed him immediately. Anyway 1-2 was the worst day of his life and the moment where he was given the photo for the first time really stuck with me.

2- They get to switch off being each other's judicial assistants and they both get to be different flavors of transmasc, I think it would be fun for them. Would they have to attend classes at Yumei to even be considered lawyers? who knows the point is they do it together and are like those cats that bond together and get sad when they get separated.

3- If they are in the same room together that sword is being switched back and forth several times, 'I think it matches your outfit today' or 'I'm on my period I shouldn't be in possession of a deadly weapon' or 'you said in the custody agreement that I get it on weekends' etc etc etc... Though it tends to go with Ryunosuke when they are separated for long periods of time. That sword is symbolic of so much gay shit in these games what's a little more.

4- my guy talks about 'the look' in Ryunosukes eyes so much during the last case, what are you looking into his eyes for? Heterosexual reasons? sure... (also 'fancy meeting you here' that is a pick-up line, you're in a prison, not a bar) Anyway his feelings towards Ryunosuke are complicated and he's so mad that at least one of the feelings in the emotional cocktail is something like attraction)

5- There's that disaster lesbian thing going on but also the situation was pretty stressful but one day she will wake up and it will hit her that her friend was still very interested in her even after she knew it was her in the disguise.

6- Sholmes keeps trying to refer to himself as 'the root of all evil' and how he's 'drawn to the darkness', he's trying so hard to be edgy but he's a six-foot-tall lanky blond man who is dramatic in the silly way and drapes himself over Ryunosuke at every opportunity. Either he's trying to build some kind of reputation or he wants to appeal to the local goth milf populace (Sithe and Tusspells) or even the reaper himself (there's some messy ex energy going on over there...)

7- I need Phoenix to inherit Karuma, he knows a bit about it but he doesn't make a big deal about it. He does have a few prosecutor friends who know the blade and are so annoyed that he's not super proud to own it. Also it's funny to me if the only family that Phoenix knows are a couple of victorian lawyers that haunt him. I think they should watch over him and be a little horrified. Ryunosuke was excited when he was intending to be a performing arts student as a fellow drama kid but it doesn't surprise him that he chose to become a lawyer. It's in his blood.

8- You cannot tell me Ryunosuke didn't want to fling himself off of that boat every night he was stuck in the room he thought Kazuma was killed in. He just didn't want to ruin Susatos trip to England by leaving her alone and he goes into a depression when she leaves for Japan, going so far as to avoid looking at the photo the 221b fam took before she left because it made him sad, which gets put up every time by Sholmes who Gets It. Meaning that he went up to the Naruhodo consulting agency regularly to check up on him. I like to think Sholmes was genuinely worried during the months he spent banned from the courtroom and without his weirdgirl who he bonded with through his best friends 'death'.

9- Wagahai is a good kitty, she can tell who the most depressed person in the building is and follows them around, sometimes Ryunosuke has a nightmare and wakes up with a cat right up by his face.

10- Ryunosuke starts the Naruhodo family tradition of not talking about their personal lives to people they care about and making their own little patchwork family for themselves. Practically all we know about his past is that he's afraid of doctors and studied English from a young age. And then like three months after going to a new country and meeting new people he's just like 'neat this is my family now :)' there is something going on there I swear. I have many conflicting ideas about what it could be specifically though.

[mgmm-shifts]

SHIFTER INTRO

⋅˚₊‧ ୨��� ‧₊˚ ⋅

HELLO

I'm new to shiftblr, so I wanna introduce myself :)

PSA: If you stalk my account and see my past reposts and likes, no you didn't lol. This account is hello old and I'm trying to cleanse it. I had an intense sports phase when I was 14-16, dw bout it...

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀:¨ ·.· ¨: ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ `· . ꔫ

About me:

☆General: I'm Melanie, but you could just call me Mel. 23 y/o, Leo, She/Her. I moved from shift tok to here! I want to find fellow shifters and continue my journey! I don't really have shifting friends so I figured here was a good place to find some mutuals :) ☆Shifting journey: The first time I shifted was in 2022 (or 2023, it was winter i don't remember which month) and it was by accident. I had no idea what shifting was oop. Since then I've, although I hate this term, "mini shifted" a few times since, but my mentally has definitely gotten better! I have been lucid dreaming since I was a kid, so when it happened I knew immediately it was different and I was so confused lol.

☆Main Dr: Attack on Titan (My script is pretty diff than canonverse, practically no titans left, no war, peacetime, much more modern times etc. I will explain script in a later post if ppl are interested) I had other DRs like JJK but lost interest in that (in the show in general tbh) and DBZ (the one I shifted for the first time ever to). Don't ask but it existed lol. Still love the show though, it was my first anime 🕺🏻. Tbh I'm just focused on my main one, I may make one with L Lawliet in some way eventually. Otherwise I haven't really been inspired to have anything different. ☆Hobbies: I love to draw! I haven't really began my dive into digital art (it's on my to do list) so I mainly stick to sketching and occasionally painting. I'm also trying to learn Japanese right now which is quite hard but I love it. I could already speak Italian and English and they're soooo different. Aside from that idk, I'm currently in school so I don't have time for much. I write some fanfics from time to time and read (manga/books) or play xbox occasionally. I also love to shop and collect anime shit lol. ☆Fav shows: -Grey's Anatomy -AOT -DBZ -Death note -Chainsaw Man -Nana -Gossip Girl -Spy x Family (I'm currently watching but still at the beginning, so spoilers pls) -Demon Slayer -The Vampire Diaries (a good fall classic) -Friends -Alice in Borderlands (where tf is s3 oml) -JJK (I've watched, used to be obsessed with, now I'm pretty disinterested but always love me some Toji lol) -Jersey Shore (a true italian-american classic 😩) -JoJo's (also still at beginning oop) -Hunter x Hunter (i stopped mid way) -Black Clover (there seems to be a theme here... stopped mid way) There's prob more I just can't think rn ☆Why I shift?: Tbh, since I was a kid I would make DRs without even understanding what that was. I am a very creative person with a huge imagination (thanks ADHD woo) so I've always wanted to be a part of these realities I would make as one does. I've also struggled with a history of depression and to be candid, my home life sucks. I've done a lot of maturing and mental work on myself so I'm a lot better now, so my reason is not necessarily for an "escape" but like yeah. I don't like wording it that way because I feel as though it's a bit dangerous to just completely toss your CR aside and rely on shifting as a end all be all fix, but if that's not the case then escape away :) I've been on the other end of that journey before so I'm speaking on behalf of my experience, but that's just what has worked for me and my mental health personally. As long as you are happy and healthy, do your thing <3

Okay this is already long af but if you made it this far, thank you🥹. Now that I have started up this page, I hope to interact with you guys and post about my DR and shifiting journey! Also most importantly...

WE WILL ALL SHIFT TONIGHT :)

[feathergail]

i’m gonna be a lot less active talking-wise here for a few days, for my own mental health and physical health as well. i still want to continue posting art, but that’s about it. i’ll give some explanations under the cut

tw: mention of car crash, mention of injuries, mention of divorce

today i just got into a rough car accident. i was stopped at a red light and some dude who was distracted by his phone rear ended me hard (he was going around 50 mph). i went to urgent care, and i most likely have whiplash. my rib cage is also very sore so i’m not allowed to wear a binder for a while which sucks

ontop of that i’ve been going thru a pretty bad depression, which worsened when yesterday my mom told me that her and my dad were talking abt a divorce. it’s just a very scary thing to hear

so yeah i’m rly not doing the best right now. i’m currently bedridden just to be safe bc my body is Aching and my emotional state isn’t good either which doesn’t make this whole situation any better 😭

[marshbarks]

the many. many faces in which stan marsh has taken within my personal writing. the many ways in which he permeates my mind and i find him within my characters near constantly, whether he wants to be there or not.

i find that, often, if i create a character meant to represent him or contain some of my emotions around/regarding him, then they are extremely close knit with a character who is supposed to fill some sort of role as 'me'. he is often in a hard-to-define relationship with the 'me' character, or in some cases, a found-family brother. it is difficult to pin down. but if there's a me, there will be a stan, and vice versa.

i guess the first category is "that's just stan", which admittedly, doesn't make for much of an original character, but i've got so many headcanons and such personal attachment through myself that... he might as well be. i think i'll only be sharing these obvious stand ins, for the time being. i got nervous writing out this post and need to hold SOME of my stanleys out of reach atm.

baker (art: me) | rayne (art: adrian+me) | gensi (art: me)

to start here is my classic "stan needs a fursona." sort of. the first one here is Baker, who IS just 'what if stan had a fursona'. the second is rayne who is a big dumb doggy who took all his best friends and left an ugly town he didnt wanna live in anymore, and is trying. SO hard to live somewhere else. however, he's also like. stan's fursona. the third is gensi, who is also currently sort of a blank character that i looked at and said "yeah, another blue/black dog in my possession, thats stanley alright"

then there's the people, who range from 'thats stan', to 'what the fuck'

stan (art: me), marshwalker (art: adrian+me), raven (art: quailxcrossing)

this first one IS just stanley. i don't really try and act like he's an oc, because he isn't. this is the culmination of my 18 years living with a deep attachment to stan. i love him so much the second is marshwalker, though he's taken on moonwander in original writing, because it is cute and honestly fits his werewolf theming better. this is obviously a tsot inspired version of him, but he spans a lot further than that. he works his way into personal projects i've been cooking for about a year now, and slotted himself so perfectly into the story that it's almost wild to think i've only had him for two weeks. he's more of an oc both with the changes made to tsot for our au, AND because he IS stan's oc. like. marshwalker is stan playing a character, moonwander is... an evolution of that same character. the third one is raven. which i just... didn't have the energy to name much of anything else. he is a companion to one of my primary sona characters, and he's a sort of sign of snapshot of my stan, from about 5 years ago. while stan has changed a lot, raven remains the same. he's one i'd call more original now, because of the fact that none of the story he has rings true with..... anything in south park. he's just my little guy who is a dog and drinks too much sometimes.

zherr (art: me) | marsh (art: me) | alucard (art: adrian)

zherr lou is the first one here, and he's inspired by a song i heavily associate with stan. he's...... he's fucking depressed, we'll put it like that. he's going through the worst of it all the time in his mind, and what does he have to show for the struggle? nothing. he's trying, so, so fucking hard to get better. it isn't working out. he's a loser. marsh is the second! creative name, isn't it? he was actually one of my very first "oh that's stan" OCs, obtained alongside another character who fell into a role of representing me pretty well. he's sort of just an emo boy with a serious. SERIOUS of case of bad luck. but emotionally he fills the niche of a stan. alucard is third! he's a bit of a funny story- because he sort of... is also inspired by sebastian of stardew valley? adrian and i were playing, and constructing SUCH a weird narrative, and stan wanted to play too! so. he got to make himself a guy to fit in that role. he's really cool, he's a demon and he only HAS one eye and he cares so much. SO much. he's loves his spouses.

lowell (art: adrian) | logan (art: adrian) | alluin (art: me)

now THESE guys. the first one here is lowell!! he's been my reaction to going absolutely fucking feral over post covid. he's a hellhound who had a bad life and was down on his luck and stumbled drunk into a cafe bc he got cut off at the bar, and saw the prettiest fucking man in his life and has been doing everything to get that man to love him (spoiler: they are husbands eventually) second is logan, based on a mix of the "opposite personality" universe from spookyfish, as well as... as soul evans of soul eater. adrian and i will just make characters that are Anything, okay. it's kinda fucking awesome. he's bitchy and ready to attack people. he's a guard dog for his best friend. he's red. i love him. what more is there to say really. and alluin is the third... ohh, alluin.. in a really big over simplification of the idea. alluin exists to fuel a "what if i lost him" view. the effort i'd go to get him back. the things i would be willing to change to be what was needed to house him. he is so SO deeply personal and important and i cant even get INTO it. he's everything.

hickory (art: me) | abica (art: adrian) | camp (art: adrian)

these three are fun! they feel more like explorations of an extreme, honestly? hickory is a board gamer. a little diy craft kit collector. he's a fuckin DORK and i LOVE HIM. abica is femininity! she represents a happy, healthy idea of it. the ideal version of stan- if he was feminine. she's also super cool and part of an awesome polycule and has so many partners and i think shes the sickest bitch in the world camp is sport! i mean. he's like literally a doggy based on gatorade. he's a jocky sportboy and he's sorta stupid in most other aspects and i think he's so funnnnnnn... guy who is eye candy to people who like 'em buff. he knows it, too.

---

and i have more! i have a lot more. however, um. my vulnerability meter ran out and i got scared so here's these!!!!

[nitewrighter]

Watching Disney's "Wish"--No idea what to expect but mostly here for Chris Pine. Pray for me.

-Old school storybook opening sequence which is clearly meant to be evocative of Snow White, Pinocchio, etc. But it's very hard to play it straight in a Post-Shrek world.

-Jesus the world's most painfully expositional dialogue.

-Oh god the body language and the timing of the expressions... Disney has only had one (1) Heroine Concept since they popped out Moana and none of them have been as compelling as Moana.

-Rosas has Duloc vibes. Disney really did not consider the post-Shrek implications of this writing and worldbuilding.

-TANGLED REFERENCE.

-Oh god the Seven Dwarf Besties. Like... to what end??? Who is this for??? This is too many characters for one scene??? If they aren't in the title maybe don't dump 7 on your main character???

-Every time I hear that the Queen and King were originally written to be a villain power couple I'm soooo depressed at looking at this queen. I do like this character design.

-CHRIS PINE THIS IS WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

-ANIMATION REFERNCE.

-Aw hell yeah that's actually a damn good villain turnaround.

-Goddammit yeah again making the Queen ignorant of the whole evil king thing is sooooo disappointing and boring compared to the concept arts.

-Eyvind Earle inspired backgrounds are pretty good.

-This is a really creative concept with very interesting worldbuilding implications but goddamn Disney is just falling so hard back on what it thinks is fun and poppy and marketable and also the music is being pulled in like 5 different directions.

-Why is there a raccoon in the Mediterranean.

-Snow White Wishing Well reference.

-GOD the 'Well that just happened' dialogue.

-Is that a fucking Luma from Super Mario Galaxy.

-Alan Tudyk is here now.

-Oh so this is gonna be a *heist* movie. That's why she's got 7 besties.

-...again kind of disappointed that the Star is basically just a Luma and not a heavily ADHD-coded guy like we saw in the concept art.

-Bro the music in this is SO ALL OVER THE PLACE. IT'S PAINFUL. Chris Pine's villain song was just upbeat pop. Like practically Hanson. And then there's a song that's just.. literal straight up political revolution played completely straight.

-Saba's gonna fuckin die.

-You can tell Chris Pine is having so much fun being a campy charismatic villain he deserves such a better song than the one he got.

-Mage hand!!

-Maleficent ass magic effects.

-Man the movie did *not* set up the tone shift sufficiently.

-Jesus this is a specific ass political revolution song.

-I think this is the first Disney Princess to start, like, a full-on coup.

-Okay so they had to make the queen good so that Asha wouldn't be completely obliterating the government.

-Damn there's just a guy in full Peter Pan costume I guess.

-...straight up Fairy Godmother name drop. I THOUGHT THAT CLOAK REFERENCE WAS BUILDING UP TO SOMETHING.

-This movie is like 80% visual references to previous Disney Films--JESUS ENDING WITH THE MICKEY MOUSE EARS FIREWORKS AND A WINK.

-like... I get that it's Disney's 100th anniversary but it's also like... you could have made a short celebrating that and let this like.. be an actual movie.

[sout999]

dear tumblr ,,⋋(•◇•)⋌,,

thank you so much for all the support on my top surgery fundraiser, whether it's donating, reblogging or just staying patient with while i boost the link multiple times. which i am going to keep doing! it's no understatement that this is the single biggest positive thing that's happening in my life, and the time i need your help most. so i'm making my voice heard as much as i possibly can to spread the word, and i appreciate all your help with it. it makes me feel loved as a person and not as a bunch of posts on a dashboard, i've been getting pretty isolated because of mental health stuff so even the small connection we have from your act of goodwill is really meaningful to me

i've been ok, mostly putting in work on my masters degree, although some of the 'work' included having a massive breakdown from months of burnout, and i'm currently in the middle of trying to get an extension and rework a large part of my project. mostly this is due to the subject matter of my work having had a lot of loaded cultural and personal themes, which, when being forced to think about nonstop for two years, while also moving in with the family member who is the source of a large part of all the trauma of it, was just too much. taking a stance to axe the project in its current form was hard and made me feel like a quitter but now i feel relief and realize it was an act of self love as well

so i'm trying to recover from that and see a way forward to a project i would like doing, but it's hard when your circumstances have left you this depressed. i'm also trying to become more mindful of the way i use social media because when i'm anxious i fall very easily into the numbness sink of scrolling social media just to avoid thinking... i've stared a daily list of Ten Things That Happened That Day That Didn't Happen On The Internet, although i never get to ten, and i dont think even pre-internet leon would have gotten to ten, but it's good to aim high and take notice even of the little things. maybe to some people this comes naturally but i have to be very deliberate about it. i think this article sums up how im starting to feel about the internet rn

i've cut most personal spending down as much as possible to save up to my top surgery, so i have to find fun things to do that don't cost money. i'm trying to sew because my partner knows a lot about it and can teach me (i'm currently trying to engineer the perfect underwear, weird hobby but it's actually an amazing dysphoria-buster because most store bought underwear that fits my ass is so feminine, to be able to make a piece of something so intimate be so personal is, omg, an act, of, omg, self love). i've also sold off some things to help save for my top surgery and doctor visits, i'm trying to not get rid of anything i will really miss but it's also an enjoyable feeling to imagine the item disappearing as it becoming a permanent part of my history and of my sexy flat boy body (~o_o)~

if i end up having some free time outside of my masters degree, my current dream project is making pixel assets. i think with all the cases of my art getting stolen and used without permission it would actually be really cool to put something together specifically for public use. i miss kaoani and flower banners and stuff. i dont know if i can ever make something so saccharinely cute and tidy but if anything it's a nice space to visit

did you miss me coming to tumblr to make long winded posts about nothing? hopefully when twitter falls we will all be on here reading each others paragraphs, hopefully i'll have more going on in my life and can write even longer ones. here is a nice drawing, and a link to the fundraiser once again :)

https://gofund.me/958124b6

[amageish]

Spider-Man 2 Post-Credit Spoilers

Time for some more signature Amageish overthinking!

Sooooooooooooo.

How about that Cindy Moon appearance, huh?

From this Gizmodo article, we do have a bit of insight into the decision to have her appear where they mention the challenge of making a Cindy unique to the GamerVerse specifically - though it's obvious they are keeping their cards close to their chest here as well.

io9: Along with giving Miles a promotion, you’ve introduced Cindy Moon, aka Silk, into your universe. Of all the Spider-heroes, I don’t think anyone was expecting her. What made her so appealing over someone like Eddie or Gwen Stacy? Arfmann: Cindy’s always been a really compelling character in the comics who, similar to [SM1's] Martin Li, hasn’t really gotten a ton of exposure outside of the immediate fanbase. There’s something really exciting about taking a character who we love, who not everybody’s had a chance to meet, and exposing her to a wider audience. Morris: I’m so excited to see what we do with Cindy. Arfmann: Exactly. That was the real drive with her, and figuring out who Insomniac’s Cindy Moon is a really exciting challenge. And we also have this interesting complication that [Cindy’s dad] Albert is dating [Miles’ mom] Rio, and we’re thrilled to explore how that creates a new iteration of this character that folks already love.

So this confirms that they will be changing stuff too! This is going to be a unique take on her, but they are also self-aware that this will be plenty of people's introduction to the character.

The main question on my mind is a pretty basic one: Does Cindy Moon need to be shoved into a bunker for 7-10 years in order to be recognizably Cindy Moon? Her father is already in the game, so we know the "parents are missing" story is probably off the table, but does she need to still spend all that time in isolation to be Cindy?

In the comics, her time in the bunker is credited in-text with being a source of so many of her defining character traits.

It is something that separates her experiences from Peter and the other Spider-heroes.

It's something that fills her with a drive to prove herself and is the experience that made her such a talented martial artist.

It informs her understanding of modern technology and the level of pop culture awareness she has - the former of which helped her develop her uniquely positive relationship with J Jonah Jameson.

And, lastly, the time she had in isolation is credited with causing her to develop her anxiety disorder and communication challenges.

So, with all that in mind, it feels like Cindy does have to be put into a bunker, right? As it's such a core part of her backstory?

Well, no. Maybe this will be a hot take, but I honestly don't think she does.

While I do think everything I've listed here is a key aspect of Cindy Moon as a character, I don't think they need to lock her in a vault for 7-10 years in order to explain why a Korean-American woman in New York city has anxiety or practices martial arts or feels a need to work twice as hard to have her accomplishments recognized. These are all very relatable experiences that do not require a fantastical superhero origin story to justify them.

Honestly, with how emotion-forward the Insomniac Spider-Man games are already, I think her being a woman who has had a depressive episode recently which she describes as having felt like being trapped would work just as well as literally having had her be trapped by a supervillain. I would not be surprised if the ability to tell a story about anxiety and depression was a factor in them selecting Cindy as the next playable character as well - the potential for a Silk game that incorporates actual mindfulness and grounding techniques into the gameplay is really high IMHO.

I also think that the final scene kind of supports the idea too? Cindy has no lines, but she does have a silent awkward wave. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but her introduction makes me think she already has social anxiety - so unless she's already been in the bunker and we'll get a story about how she escaped, then I think she will probably jut be getting powers and moving forward from there.

Anyway, that's a lot of thoughts brought about by like 5 seconds of Cindy waving. I'm just really eager to see where things go from here and am hoping we'll get a DLC trailer or a Silk expandalone announced sometimes soon...

(PS: Having Peter already be in a committed relationship with MJ and Miles, who is also already in a relationship with Hailey, being in a psuedo-sibling relationship with Cindy is an excellent way of desexualizing the Cindy + Spider-Men relationship. I have no fears about Insomniac stumbling on that particular hurdle.)

(I do, however, have fears that I will be seeing unironic speculation about pheromones in reddit threads for the next 2 years until whenever Spider-Man: Miles Morales 2 or Silk: Cindy Moon is announced... but that probably cannot be changed, unfortunately.)

[theallegedbird]

2023 art summary but i try ridiculously hard to make it look like i haven't almost exclusively drawn tma since march

now for mandatory end of year reflection cheesiness <3

really proud of how far i’ve come this year, my arts got to a point i’m really happy with what i’m making, hoping i continue to learn and improve next year!!

also pretty proud of how far i’ve come in general, i haven’t exactly had the best track record when it comes to mental health and was in a really bad place when it came to my depression and anxiety last year and the start of this one, and while it’s had its struggles, including doing gcses and finishing high school as well as other personal matters, overall i’ve been well. a lot happier

i finally came out to my family after what like. two years, and while they still don’t really get it, they’re trying, and that’s a start. i went to a new school for many reasons, i’ve got new friends who share my same shitty taste of humour which is what has led to about 7+ pieces of questionable pale man fanart, i’m doing subjects i’m actually passionate about and for the first time since i was 10 i actually enjoy going to school. and for the last 2 months i’ve been cleaning, tidying and redecorating my room, which to me, many others i’m sure will understand, is a big deal, it’s something i’ve tried and failed to do for so long, and it felt great

sorry for rambling on what i’m trying to say is thank you, might seem dumb but this silly little podcast and its fandom has helped a lot, motivating me art wise especially

every single kind word and has meant the absolute world to me and your support has been phenomenal, i may be just a silly little guy drawing silly little gay people on the internet but i mean it truly

as of posting this it just turned midnight, happy new year!! :D

[theferalsquirrel]

Update and where I've been

Okay, so I made a post a few days ago to show that I'm still alive, as well as the fact that I was going to post an update about what's going on. So, here's the deal.

I mentioned a while back that I hurt my hand and that I've been needing to wear a brace off and on. And this is still going on. I've been advised by my orthopedic doctor to wear the brace when doing artwork, especially fine details. I've also acquired some arthritis gloves, which have fortunately eased the pain. For a while I was essentially trying to re-learn how to draw with the new limitations of the brace. However, the pain got so bad that I pretty much had to stop drawing entirely and focus on healing. In short, the pain was getting worse. I even had to quit my job a month or so ago as the pain became too great.

I haven't been able to draw for about the last two months, and as someone whose main stress reliever is drawing, this has been a less than unpleasant experience. Heck my hand is starting to hurt and cramp up just typing this out.

Since the pain wasn't improving, I went back to my doctor and explained to him what's going on, to which he sent in an order for an MRI of my hand to the hospital, of which I'm still waiting on the insurance to approve of.

I'm hoping to try and get back into drawing a little bit, just taking far more frequent breaks than usual. But I don't know how it'll go from here on out. This entire experience has been exceptionally difficult and depressing for me, as the idea of potentially never drawing again has reared its ugly head on multiple occasions. And that has done nothing to help my mental health. As someone who wants to write and draw to make stories, and uses this as my main creative outlet, the idea of having that stripped away from me in any way is terrifying.

There's also the added bit that I've been planning on serving a mission for my church sometime later this year, and I don't know how often I'll be able to be on here, or when my mission begins. It could be I won't be on Tumblr for a solid eighteen months, or perhaps I could still post every now and again during that eighteen-month period. I honestly don't know, as everything in my life seems up in the air at the moment.

So... Yeah. That's been my life. No job, off-and-on stabbing pains in my dominant hand, struggling to indulge in two of my biggest passions in life, and all-around uncertainty about the future and where everything is headed. Not to get too religious, but I am someone who relies on my faith when things get hard. But even now it's been difficult.

I'm going to try to create more art and play around with my (kind of) YouTube channel as I explore my limitations and where I'm at, and I'd like it if those who've stuck by me this long would be willing to stick around a while longer. But no pressure.

I just wanted to let people know that I'm alive, and what's going on. Not sure how many people will read this, but I trust that those who know me will. I'm not leaving Tumblr for good, not at all. I'm just in the midst of figuring a lot of things out.

[caroll-in]

top 3 12 fics I read in 2022

I was tagged by @pennygalleon in her post to share my own fav reads of 2022 and... wow, it's SO HARD to narrow it down? Like, I knew it would be, but still 😂 This year was pretty peculiar when it comes to my reading, as I didn't really read anything older nor did any re-reads (I did listen to all of the Gallapod and a few podfics of Saras_Girl's stories, if that counts!). Instead, I was trying harder than ever to keep up with this year's drarry fests and dabbed in A LOT of other fandoms too. And, for the first time in years (as dramatic as that sounds haha), I started to read published books again and I'm still all hyped about it 😍

But, back to the fics!

The Categories:

📅 Fav published in 2022

😍 Fav new-to-you fic

🃏 Fav Wildcard (a reread, rarepair, different fandom, the spare spot on a BINGO card)

📅 Favourite(s) Published in 2022 📅

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w (hp: drarry, E, 76k, @hd-wireless) - most phenomenal slowburn and stellar worldbuilding, Draco being fantastic with magical creatures, chubby, depressed Harry (and his depression arc is handled SO WELL too) and a whole array of side characters and truly touching scenes that made my cry A LOT. Also, those Malfoys are *somethig else*!! Never before I have been so impatient to know who's the author and the second the reveals dropped I RUN to Lauren's DMs to yell about how much I loved this fic sdfghj

Fool Me Twice by @sorrybutblog (hp: drarry, E, 38k, @harrydracobang) - so it's a case fic but it does a great reverse of the usual Auror Harry trope, as it's Draco who's job is to solve the (so well plotted!!) mystery and Harry is very much in his way, even if not on purpose haha Also, their banter here is *chefskiss*

Open Fire by @slytherco (hp: drarry, E, 38k, @hd-wireless) - canon divergence of what would happen if the war didn't end after Battle of Hogwarts, written in a perfect Tarantino vibe that left me shook a lot and in the best way possible! Ola's worldbuilding here is phenomenal and it also has one of the most steamy shaving scenes you will ever read, trust me.

Romp and Circumstance by @wolfpants (hp: drarry, E, 35k, @hp-bodiceripper) - so it's basically canon hp world but set in a Regency Era? How brilliant is that?? All the Mr-s added before their surnames created such insane tension I could YELL and it was hot AF and so full of pining and jealousy and denial and truly stellar descriptions of era's outfits.

The Inconvenient Death(s) of Harry Potter by [anonymous] (hp: drarry, E, 33k, @hd-erised) - my Erised gift from this year and I'm ITCHING to know who wrote it so I can shower them in love sdfghjkl But believe me when I say it's here without bias, as it's a perfect mix of hilarious and hot and did I mention it's a time loop fic? It features, among other brilliant things, dramatic Draco being frustrated about Harry's choices of running attire, a serial cat rescuer Harry and Tommy the Swan - tell me you're not intrigued!!

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (hp: drarry, M, 14k, @hp-bodiceripper) - ok, first of all: Draco here dresses like Indiana Jones and I'm still not over it and it's been MONTHS. It's an epistolary fake dating fic written in Tee's signature gorgeous prose with brill characterisations and captivating magical theory and I hope I can squeeze some re-read time in 2023 as I very much itch to get back to this one.

The Final Case of Auror H.J. Potter by @pennygalleon (hp: drarry, E, 14k, @harrydracobang) - Penny wrote this fic based on my art during the Reverse BB and I don't think I'll ever be chill about it? Harry's self-discovery here is handled in such a good way, the pining is stellar and it's funny and hot and hilarious AND has Penny's signature drarry banter that never fails to make me grin!!

facedown on my bed (thinking of you) by @onbeinganangel (hp: drarry, M, 10k) - to quote Mari's own words: "Canon remains canon but Hogwarts is an all girls school". And it's such a BRILL idea I could scream about it nonstop!! Their characterisations are so stellar here and they were roommates and had such perfect dynamic and the pining was through the roof!! I had no idea how much I needed a fem!au drarry before I have read this fic tbh and it was everything I could have hoped for in that regard.

😍 Favourite New-to-Me Fics 😍

Impatient to Be Free by @idiopath-fic-smile (les mis: ExR, M, 19k, 2020) - so it's an 1950s les amis lesbian au and I actually don't think you need to be familiar with les mis fandom to appreciate this story? The research done here is honestly insane, the dynamics between two main characters are truly stellar and I could cry over the beauty of author's writing style!! I cannot believe it took me two years to get around to read this gem of a story but I will make up for it by reccing it at every given opportunity sdfghjk

🃏 Wildcards 🃏

steve harrington's six-step guide to getting the guy. by @metaldeads (stranger things: steddie, T, 34k) - steddie is the very first Stranger Things pairing I ever felt the need to read fics about and this one not only fixes what canon ruined in such a gorg way, but also spoils the reader with such perfect characterisations of its characters (not only Steve and Eddie!!) you will actually feel like you're watching a special episode of the series (only better tbh). It was funny and touching and so full of yearning omg!!

elegantly bound by @alchemistc (ofmd: steddy hands, M, 25k) - what kind of Karol's rec list would it be if there wasn't at least one poly ship here? I haven't expected to fell in love with Izzy as much as I did and even more so that I'll be so in love with the idea of him with Ed and Stede... And this fic not only caters to everything I love about their triad, it makes sure to give Izzy some extra backstory (and as a bonus some Black Sails refs!!!!) but it also develops the feelings between all three of them SO WELL! Author takes their time and makes sure they all can get some proper dynamics development: in pairs and all together which I love BEST in poly fics!!

Familiar as a Bottle and a Glass by @queeniegalore (CoD MW2: ghostsoap, E, 12k) - I'm ending 2022 with a very unexpected OTP (and I haven't even played any CoD game, what happened asdfghjkhgfgh) but I'm honestly so obsessed like I wasn't in a very long time!! And THIS FIC, oh my, when I tell you it has the most brilliant pacing of going from UST to RST I have ever read I'm not even being dramatic, it's SO GOOD. The tension here is insane and the dialogues are actual gold of a prose!!

Since I already went way over the og number of mentioned fics and I know a lot of you have already been tagged by others - let's say everyone tagged in this post may consider themselves tagged to share their own favs too. I'm also leaving an open invitation for anyone else who'd like to join - please tag me, so I can see your lists!

[grimmcheems]

The blonde trio after the Quirk War

So I did a continuation of the my previous Villain Aoyama AU art lmao. Ig it’s not rly an AU canonically?? (Though idk how the manga has been handling my boi since I dropped it after his reveal oop) anywayyssssss…..these babies now have to live with new identities and frequently change jobs every year in order to keep a low profile.

Monoma works as a Cab/Taxi driver and street food chef(think like hole in the wall restaurant?/place with frequent customers but within the backstreets of cities) Toga is a Sales Clerk💀(don’t ask how she even managed to get the job, the hiring manager was probably too scared by her aura to refuse her) AND Tutor(don’t ask how she landed that either since she never got to finish high school to begin with) and Aoyama works as a Bartender in a HOST CLUB(Kurogiri helped him land the job and taught him some cool stuff from his experience of working their dingy bar they used to live in with the LOV[which has since been disbanded after the quirk war].

Btw I added the “Kumo/Kuro” bc Shirakumo and Kurogiri get it? Idrk why I decided to add him in last minute but I thought it’d be funny if he pretended/acted to be their dad when they escape during their trial and onto living in the streets (for the sake of being brief: which ends in them faking their own deaths. I thought to make an art of the events leading up to this but who knows how long that will take me or when I’ll get to it🗿it is also pretty gruesome with the way I imagined it for my AU so I’m not sure if many people would even be up for seeing that oop)

They have to frequently dye their hair since they can easily be recognized by just their blonde hair and facial features, which is also why Monoma and Toga wear color contacts. Aoyama doesn’t need them since he wore different colored contacts when he became a student at UA, so there’s no need for them since everyone remembered him to have the color contact eyes instead of his natural green eyes.

They all will work multiple part time jobs to keep up with their rent and budget etc. However there are times where they will all quit to just take time to themselves. They all live together in the same apartment. Everyone also thinks they are dead, so there’s no need for them to really hide, but they’re too traumatized by heroes and their peers(hero students) to not stay in the hidden parts of towns and cities and lowkey jobs. There’s more to that on the “trial” I imagined for them (I dropped the manga some time ago but I heard that my baby Aoyama may POSSIBLY get actual time in prison for his affiliation and that was the forefront of the idea I came up with that they would all go through a trial process as they are still just children)

ALSO, in my AU Aoyama ends up with Dark shadow at some point (don’t question it I’m still trying to figure out how to fit it in so it makes sense👩🏽‍🦯, but they sort of form a bond and Dark Shadow develops depression after his “death”. He does go back to Tokoyami at some point after Aoyama realizes that Toko must be in ruins not having his best bud anymore and ‘gives’ him back?

I also mentioned that this is AFTER the “quirk war” I’m not sure if they actually use that title but from what I remember they distinctly called it that when I last read the manga. I could be wrong though.

One last thing, idk how the whole Oboro thing would work out, since he can use his quirk on command in this(hence the lack of purple mist) but technically he IS dead canonically….LIKE FRFR. Bro ain’t coming back and his body was just harvested and being used, but ignore that for this……he was just in a deep slumber and awoke after breaking out of the high security quirk prison he was in and decided to take care of the three because he would’ve wanted someone to do the same for him when he was younger and “died”.😫🖤

I know I write a lot so I highly doubt anyone read all of this😅but it’s so hard to JUST post my art and NOT WRITE ANYTHING since they all spawn from these ideas I get and I NEED to provide the context lmao Σ('◉⌓◉’)otherwise I feel wack that no one will ever know what I was aiming for lol🥲

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I'm so sorry you've been experiencing difficulties recently. I'm sending all my love and light your way and hope you start to feel a little less shitty soon.

P.s - Do you mind sharing your tiktok so we can follow you there too? Or is it a private acc?

Lots of love to you <3

It's not private! It's just not updated very often. Overall I'm more active on Instagram. But neither are private. The Tiktok is very art-focused so it might not be what you're looking for. But it's also pretty harmless overall.

And thank you anon <3

The last few days I had to stop writing and like...quickly redo my schedule for December and cut it back a little, which always makes me sad, but I'm trying to conserve my mental health as well as my physical. I realised I met all the criteria for a pretty serious depressive episode late last week (I have, alongside severe PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, which is the one that will kill me if I don't keep an eye on it -> though I'm happy to report I'm not like in a very like 'I don't want to live' space right now, I can just tell I'm feeling / experiencing a lot of the red flags that go in that direction), and if I don't act now, that tends to lead to pretty bad places.

So I've redone the schedule for December and that will come out likely on Friday or Saturday. And then I'll only be posting during January for half of the month, and not the whole month, and taking off two weeks re: posting. Hopefully these are the sorts of things which will head off me needing to go into hiatus because I desperately don't want to do that <3

I can already tell I'm doing a little better after being a lot firmer with some boundaries, and also just...with myself re: taking more time off. I wish I didn't feel so guilty about it? But that's not anyone's fault here, that's shit to work on with my therapist/s, lol.

Today I spent around 3 hours researching a response to an ask (whoops), and then realised - not through any one person's actions but a bunch at once - that I need to kind of stop engaging with facecast stuff (nothing wrong with facecasting, the problem is wholly on me there and I wish I'd seen that sooner and saved people some pain and saved me from some rudeness).

I put away the shopping (we have a really good grocery delivery system here which is great for my disabilities etc.), and had some raspberries, and put on the Christmas tree lights.

I was so tired at lunch that I could only manage a bowl of cereal (and couldn't eat breakfast. I think my therapist would be like 'why are you putting three hours of research into responding to something instead of focusing on eating food' but well, whoops? Lol. To be fair I thought it would be way easier to answer, but Tumblr's search function is SO broken).

I fed my wonderful cat, Maybe, and got some sleep in the afternoon and then did some writing (1,200 words) on Palmarosa. It's like 7.00pm right now, and I'm going to put up some chapter commentaries on Patreon and Ream.

Tonight I might do some watercolour art, and I'm hoping to finish Palmarosa tomorrow.

December is actually a hard time of year for me anyway. It's the month that has the most chronological / time-based triggers, and my therapists know this and I'm hearing a lot of 'how are you in the lead up to December' which is about to become 'how are you coping with December.'

I'm grateful for small pleasures. Like my dahlias are looking pretty awesome right now. Here's some photos of this week (some art I'm working on, Maybe being cute, or screm, dahlia, Christmas set up, T-Rex ornament, Santa Platypus ornament):

[charbies]

been having a tough time.. stuff about it under the cut

writing a stream of consciousness about the past few months. I've been really depressed. I kept getting burned out from my job almost monthly, but could bounce back when I took a little time off. Then midway through the summer, it's like I just got stuck and couldn't get.. unstuck. by fall I had a full blown depressive episode; in september I could admit I was depressed, in october I went on medication for it, and by the time november came around it felt like there was no end in sight. Fall is my favorite time of year, and I felt like I was in a fugue state and missed it because I barely existed.

the ways this showed up in my body are unlike anything I ever experienced in my life before and that was terrifying. my head and body ached like I was coming home from war every day. I was falling asleep at the wheel, and it was a recurring pattern; my body was shutting itself off when the thought of what I'd have to deal with at work was becoming too much. I burst into tears whenever I saw my friends post pics hanging out and wished I could live closer and see them more. I felt so overwhelmed and empty, I needed everything to stop and I wanted to disappear.

my job is fucking hard. I try not to talk about it on here, but I work with people who are hurting and traumatized. I regularly have to tell them when I believe the choices they're making are going to wind up killing them. I have to tell them the last things they want to hear and still hope they trust me. The average burnout rate at my job is 2 years, I've been there for 16 months. I'm 24 and the youngest one there by a long shot. I know I'm good at what I do, but still feel way in over my head, I feel like I don't get to be my age. I've thought about quitting but I don't think I have it in me to leave and start over somewhere new just yet, not now. I feel trapped because as hard as the work is, I get way better amenities there than at most other places; this place is basically as good as it gets where I live and it's still killing me.

even tho I know how severe things were getting, I feel so guilty for ways I fell off the face of the earth. I stopped talking to friends, family, coworkers, pretty much everyone. I bailed on linktober and a bunch of other art projects I lined up and thought I had the energy to pull off. In general I just feel like a failure even though I know that isn't true.

I broke down hard and took a leave of absence, I get a few weeks off from my job. I've been off for 10 days and as badly as I've wanted to draw the idea also makes me want to jump out of my skin. So I'm taking time and hoping it comes back while I pull myself together.

I could use some advice or wisdom from anyone who has been through this in any capacity. Even silly stuff in my inbox would make my day. Tumblr was my comfort place when I was a kid and I think it will do me good to be able to look back on this post after I've worked through this and I'm doing better. Thanks for reading all of this if you did, it means a lot <3

[mistahgrundy]

Okay, so I'm effort posting about something that has been slightly bugging me, art-wise, for a bit here.

To preface this: I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, or judged, or attacked, this is just something I have observed, it felt wrong to me, I looked it up, it is wrong. If your response to my post is to be a jerk or mean or what have you, perhaps just… like… move on? Don't do that? I know in the art world we tend to get heated about stuff, but this is sincerely not something to get heated about. Disagreements and conversations A-OK, but being an asshole about it? Nah. Let's not.

I, too, am trying not to be an asshole about it. Let's just be cool, okay?

I'm talking about pupils!

Seems simple enough, little black dots inside of colored dots inside of eyes. A few years ago I started noticing people drawing them… strangely. As though the eye was a concave surface, and from the side the dot would appear to be nestled inside a little eye cup.

Have a quickly drawn example of what I've been seeing.

I've seen tutorials floating around that assert as such, and I took that at face value. Like a lot of tutorials you just accept it and move on, surely that person did the research? But… I'm not sure they did. Or maybe they misinterpretted something? I have no idea.

Here's the thing, the iris doesn't dip down inside your eye like that, The iris is mostly flat. There's a slight dipping inside right in the center where the pupil opens at the sphincter (lol) but's VERY slight cuz you know, it's not a hard edge, it's a rounded edge. It actually mounds up a little bit towards the center before dipping inside. There's a round (biconvex) lens behind it! But for the most part the iris is pretty flat.

Anyway, even IF it did cup inwardly like a little concave depression it still wouldn't appear concave from the side because of the cornea over the top of the iris and pupil. The cornea is a positive meniscus (convex/concave) lens filled with aqueous fluid. It has a magnifying effect. Think like a water drop on top of printed text. Or, if you have a pair of glasses (which are also [usually] convex/concave), the way that distorts things behind it. If you hold your glasses and look at them from the side you'll notice that anything behind them gets distorted and flattened out a bit. It takes the image behind it and fills the space with that image, in this case your iris.

(Sorry about how gross my glasses look up close, they're old the metal finishing whatever is starting to come off them, I need new ones)

Anyway, that's my treatise on why I think that tutorial about pupils was wrong. Feel free to disregard if you prefer the way it looks with the pupils all cattywhompus from the side, it is after all, just art… Realism ain't the end all be all, and all that. I just don't believe it is anatomically correct as I've seen people assert.

I took a photo of my own eye from the side. You'll notice the pupil is smack dab right in the center and not offset at all because of the distortion of the cornea.