#but also my semester is starting sooooooon i need to keep that in mind. gotta b careful and all. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

orcelito · 20 days ago

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Actually, this is kind of funny. So with January here, I've been thinking about my life a year ago. Thinking about how January 13th is my oc Nico's birthday (favorite oc, and therefore this is important), but also about how I got on Lex about a year ago (one year as of the 9th) & then hooked up with my eventual girlfriend on the 12th (which I will unfortunately always remember bc it was the day before my oc's birthday 😭). And I had the thought of "man it's kind of an awkward timing. I did that right before the semester started??" B4 I remembered that I was literally taking that year off of school (due to grief and loss whatever. Quite convenient, given the Bigger grief and loss from february, so I didn't have to worry about school for it)

Anyways this is relevant bc it has me going "hmmm early January last year I had great success in joining a dating app. I wonder if I could do something like that this year." And like I already decided I'm not gonna look for hookups bc I realized my brain doesn't really understand sex being casual (for myself, 100% fine for others but my brain just did NOT have that separation of intimacy), but I also kinda Would like to have some sorta something... even if romance is overrated and I've got more important things to be doing...

Idk nothing wrong with joining a dating app and just poking around. Just to see. Nothing needs to come of it.

#speculation nation #not doing that rn bc im gaming but just. yknow. thinking thoughts.#been about half a year since she broke up with me (still pretty resentful of how that happened but i think i always will be)#certainly been long enough. and i must admit. i am perhaps a little bit bored.#I PROMISE i am not going to just jump into a relationship just bc im bored. ive done enough of that.#i need to know that i Actually want to date them longterm. bc i dont wanna do the off and on thing anymore.#no more dating people on whims for attention. none of that. i have matured. i will not do that.#......... but i also do miss being fawned over :p and thus me wanting another relationship lol #it's ego boosting! i love having that kind of attention!!! and the sex can be fun too and all. but mostly i like the attention.#but also my semester is starting sooooooon i need to keep that in mind. gotta b careful and all.#also who knows what options are even in the area. im old for an undergraduate and i also dont want anyone stuck in school for a while more #but thats hard given that im in a college town. most of my options would be college students. oh well i have a car now #which would make it easier to widen my search. hmmmmmmmm

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