#but also my mom and her boyfriend were definitely punking us over this other thing i can't even begin to describe to you
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also while playing trivial pursuit my sister pronounced leisure [lɛʒɚ] and people were kind of razzing her for not pronouncing it [liʒɚ], and i was like well that's also how i pronounce it so i don't see what the big deal is. it rhymes with measure which is obviously very cool. and her bf was like that's not surprising, you two are the most similar people i've ever met. which was horrendously flattering and also very funny because i don't think we're that similar, but also whenever my sister and i do something the same way i always wonder if it's just because we were exposed to the same influences and forces growing up, or because she got it specifically from me. especially because of our age difference and how much she idolized me as a child, it's quite possible that many of the things we have in common are because she saw me doing them and just thought i was endlessly cool and copied me. which is INSANE to me because i think SHE is so cool, but not for the things that we have in common, for all the other stuff lol.
#sibling feels#my posts#fun with pronunciation#soo silly to razz someone for pronunciation for any reason but especially for a pronunciation as cool as [lɛʒɚ]? come on now#you're just telling on yourself. epic self-own#had a very weird moment where my mother and uncle insisted that we have never used the pies as markers in trivial pursuit#and my sister and i were like. that's the only way we've ever played it??? and i personally haven't ever played trivial pursuit#except with my family. so i have no idea what they were talking about. they were so positive about it but so were my sister and i#they were like no we've always used separate little people-shaped markers. the pies don't even fit on the squares#and i was like trivial pursuit doesn't even come with other markers what are you talking about???????#yeah the pies don't fit on the squares but that's completely irrelevant as an argument because it's never stopped us before???#huge mystery. i asked if they were punking us but it seemed too spontaneous to be so coordinated?#but also my mom and her boyfriend were definitely punking us over this other thing i can't even begin to describe to you#(basically a diorama of trash that once you stared at it for ten minutes appeared to be someone faking the moon landing???)#(and then they kept saying they didn't know who had made it or what it was. but they're the only ones who could have done it)#so it's not that i don't think they would punk us it's just that i don't see what the utility would be for them to punk us#over that particular issue#though it's not like there was any reason for anyone to make a diorama of the faked moon landing and then lie about it#i should stop trying to understand these people lmao
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juke | human au | title: fearless // taylor swift
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As they were walking up the front lawn of her childhood home, nerves wrecked her body. Even her hand, snug in Luke's, felt clammy and sweaty and suffocating. God, this was such a mistake — going home, not him. He didn't even realise what he had gotten himself into by falling for the youngest darling of the matriarch.
Or rather, she shouldn't have fallen head over heels for the swoon-worthy Luke Patterson, but she never really stood a chance.
But everything had happened so fast! One second banter easily flowed between them, warm and easy flirtatiousness without consequences, the next she was at IKEA helping him pick out a bookshelf while he somehow knew whenever she needed pizza and a good cuddle. They were very much in a committed relationship, something the Molina women very much frowned upon.
It wasn't as if they were all deeply scared of love and relationships, but the Molina family was a matriarchy. All women raised families on their own, no man to help. Divorced, cheated on, died, a donor, infertile and therefore adopting children — men were of zero priority.
So, coming home with her boyfriend whom she deeply loved? Definitely a risk. She was surprised he was still standing, that she hadn't scared him enough yet.
Spinning on her heels in front of the door, she shot him an anxious smile. "Are you... sure you wanna do this? We're, like, really intense."
Luke smiled, tender. "Do I wanna meet the family of my girlfriend? 'Course I do." When her expression didn't change, he added, "Jules, just 'cause they all did the 'no guy' thing, doesn't mean you have to follow that, right? And I'm not scared."
Oh, God. His courage was as admirable as it was stupid.
She chuckled, antsy. "You haven't met my mom though."
His smile widened as he dipped down to kiss her, gently, hands caressing her cheeks. For a moment, stress fled her system.
But then the door flew open.
"There you are!" Mom exclaimed, a glass of red wine in one hand and music booming over her shoulder. "And is this the boy toy?"
"Mom!" Julie grumbled, embarrassed to be caught kissing (God, she's twenty-three!) as well as putting Luke in a bad position.
First impression of him: seeing him kiss her beloved daughter on the doorstep. Great.
"Hi," Luke said, dazzling her with a smile while he stuck his hand out. "I'm Luke. And I'm, uh, older? So..."
"Meh," Rose trailed, lamely shaking his hand. "Still a boy toy. Anyway, come in! Food's warm!"
Following her mom inside, Luke shot her a strange look, like it was only registering now all her tall tales were, well, true. Shrugging with a sheepish grin, she placed their shoes and jackets in the wall closet and then made the agonising trek to the loud, jumbled chatter.
As expected, all the California-based Molina women were present. Which meant ten, including her, all staring at Luke like he was a weird specimen. Her hand squeezed his beneath the table in support, and he was finally squeezing back just as tightly.
Was it bad she felt some sick pleasure he understood how fucked he was? Probably. It seemed warranted.
When everyone had their plates filled, the interrogation began.
"So, Luke, how old are you?" Victoria asked.
"Twenty-five."
"Going around town with a twenty-three year old?" She sniffed. "Interesting..."
"Do you have any siblings?" Donna inquiried.
A wry grin ticked up his lips, sensing the irony of the situation. "I, uh, I'm an only child, actually. Mostly raised by my dad, 'cause my mom worked long hours."
Shoving a fork of meatloaf in her mouth, Julie withheld a guttural wince at his words. Luke Patterson was the poster child of everything the Molina's didn't like and she brought him in their cave.
"What do you do for a living?" Abuela croaked, peering intensely.
His smile didn't falter, but instead widened. "I'm in a band, but I also bartend a couple of nights a week."
"A band, huh?" Mom leaned forward, intrigued. "Has Julie told you I used to be in a band?"
"How can I not, mom?" Rolling her eyes, Julie added, "You'd tell him anyway..."
"I was in The Petal Pushers, the best protest punk-rock feminist group of the 90s." Her fist punched in the air as she spoke and Julie could imagine the fingerless leather gloves and purple streaks as she did. "What kinda... band do you have?"
Her endearing Luke didn't read the warning signs humble himself, so he enthusiastically perched himself at the end of his chair as he said, "Punk-rock too, actually! Yeah, we're really killing it right now at all the clubs."
She smirked. "I'm sure you do."
"What are your plans with Julie?" Elena asked, one of her cousins.
Both her and Luke froze at that. Shit. That... was not something they've discussed. A relationship of seven months was still pretty fresh, not ready for a confrontational talk about futures and plans.
He scraped his throat, briefly let his gaze flicker to her, and then uttered, "I'm, uh, a one day at a time kinda guy."
Julie cringed, not hiding it this time. To her, it was an alright, albeit lame answer. But to her family? Horrible. So, so horrible. Gah, she had to put an end to this!
Abuela scoffed, nearly choking on her hard seltzer. "One day? At a time? What is this, the 70s? My little girl deserves more than carpe diem!"
Mimi hissed. "Wrong, wrong answer, boy toy."
The questions kept shooting at lightning speed, each one more outrageous than the other, while Julie's grip on her fork tightened and tightened in anger.
"How many times a week do you shower?"
"What's your least favourite colour?"
"Do you pick up women? Is that how you make extra money?"
"What's your view on children?"
"Can you handle spice?"
"How did you even find our darling, huh? Did you lure her into that bar of yours?"
"Is Luke short for Lukas, or Lucrative?"
"Alright, enough!" Julie screamed, standing up with a stomp of the foot.
A hush crossed the table, aghast and surprised, her mother perpetually amused as always (too many in drugs in the 90s, she presumed) while Abuela feigned to be sleeping. 'Resting her eyes' would likely be the excuse.
"This is insane! Stop acting like this and start treating Luke with a little respect!"
From the corner of her eye, she vaguely noted he was staring at her, gobsmacked. He did well, given the circumstances, but she couldn't just idly sit there and let him take all this shit.
Mom puffed, leaning back in her chair. "We haven't been disrespectful, Julie."
"You have, mom! Can't I just have a boyfriend without—"
"We've invited him," she interrupted. "That's enough of a courtesy."
And before Julie could fire back, furious beyond belief, Rose added, "You know how the Molina cookie crumbles, honey. No men stay. Not for long, anyway."
That smug response made her explode. "Mom! Can you just for once—?!"
"I love her though," Luke quipped, shy.
The fight halted instantly, all ten women gawking at him like he just spoke a new language.
And he did, to Julie at least. Luke loved her? Even after all of this? She obviously knew he wasn't impartial to her, those seven months equalling tenderness and partnership like nothing she's ever experienced before, but... love? He was in love with her?
How could she abide by the 'Molina Women Rule!' rules when he confessed that, no hesitation or stutter heard?
And so, Julie's heart melted. "You love me?"
"Of course, I do," he whispered. "Why else would I be here?"
Elena nodded, sympathetic. "Good point."
Unable to stop her smile from becoming a dazzling, lovesick beam, she repeated his words with as much conviction as she could muster. "I love you too, Luke."
Abuela shot up from her sleep with a cough and a snicker. "Yeah, right."
Mom waved her glass around, congratulating them. For the first time tonight, her tone held kindness instead of poorly veiled contempt. "That's very sweet, Luke. Tell me in seven more months how you're feeling then."
Though Julie couldn't expect her to suddenly change her ways. Damn.
Mimi scowled. "We're letting 'I'm a one day at a time kinda guy' slide?"
Disgruntled chatter rose again, and that was her cue to go. Tapping Luke's shoulder, she mouthed home — something she hadn't done before and wasn't sure which apartment she meant either, but it left flutters in her chest regardless — and he nodded in understanding.
Oh, God. He loved her. That still hadn't set in.
"And if you'll excuse us, me and Luke are going," Julie continued. "Thanks for dinner, mom."
The woman laughed, baring all her teeth. She clearly had a fun time. "See you at Victoria's birthday, mi amor. And Luke? Who knows!"
He forced a chuckle at her remark. Awkwardly bouncing on his heels, he waved at all the ladies. "It was really cool to meet you all. Now– now I know why Julie's so incredible. So... thanks." A true smile appeared. "This was great."
No one said anything after that. Abuela gurgled her drink and her cousins prodded at their leftovers, mom peering at her like she was trying to find something. Sometimes, Julie and Rose were so alike, and other times, they were complete strangers. She liked that. It kept dinners like these exciting, she supposed. Mom seemed to think the same.
They bid goodbye one last time with a kiss on the cheek, and then they hurried out the door. A giggling breath left as the cool wind hit her skin. Luke was buzzing with adrenaline, unable to keep his limbs still.
Clambering in her car, the comforting quietude wrapped around them as the doors slammed shut. A beat passed. No one spoke.
"What the fuck," he whispered, horrified. "What the fuck. What the fuck did just happen? What the fuck—"
Julie squealed. "You love me!"
"That's what you got from that?!"
"Of course!" Her arms curled around him, teasing. "You love me!"
"That shouldn't be the most surprising thing tonight, Jules," he grumbled, though a playful shimmer sparked within his beautiful eyes. "I thought I was, y'know, obvious."
She shrugged, bashful. "It's always nice to hear, no?"
"Oh, man," he sighed, eyes flickering across her face as though he couldn't decide what to focus on, as though she was indescribably stunning. Her heart swelled tenfold at the thought. "I love you, Julie. So fucking much. Even with your crazy family."
Laughing, she reached forward and kissed his lips, fingers pressing in his neck and their silly grins preventing them from deepening the warm touch.
"Let's go," he mumbled, noses nudging, eyes hooded and pouring with the love she somehow hadn't noticed before. "Before they're ready for round two."
But before he could move away, she kissed him again, better this time, and cherished his sigh when they slowly seperated.
"I love you too," she whispered. "Like, a lot."
He grinned, breathless. "Good to know."
Victoria's birthday was four months later, and Luke attended as well. And also for Mimi and Elena and mom and Abuela and Donna and every other Molina member. And when Julie got surprised with a 24th birthday party, she figured out Luke and mom combined their powers to host it.
Molina women were independant and lived life by their own rules... which included Julie.
Loving Luke Patterson unconditionally probably made her the most unique Molina of all.
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@bluefirewrites @blush-and-books @ourstarscollided @thedeathdeelers @pink-flame @constantly-singing @willexx @unsaid-emily
#juke#jatp fanfiction#julie and the phantoms#otp: i think we make each other better#how niche can I go?? *spins the wheel*
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Meeting and Dating Regina George
(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)
- You technically don’t meet Regina, but she first talks to you one day after school while you’re walking to the bus stop.
- You see, you’re a part of the school yearbook; a photographer to be specific, and took photography class so you were fiddling with your camera while you were walking. You being a part of the yearbook was also initially the reason that she talked to you since Regina doesn’t give the time of day to people like you unless she wants something.
- So there you were, walking across the school yard when Regina fucking George called out to you.
- Now everybody knows who Regina is; which is why I said you didn’t technically meet, and Regina knows that they do, but she’s learned how to play people so she introduces herself. You shyly greet her back, wondering what she’s doing talking to you before she says “oh wow” and begins to ask about your camera.
- You don’t know enough about Regina at this point to realize that she’s playing you like a fiddle so you timidly talk to her for a while before your photography class comes up into conversation. She asks what you do in it and you mention the project you’ve just been assigned: having to pick one or a few subjects and photograph them for about half the year.
- She asks if you’ve chosen someone yet, you mention that you’ll probably choose one of your friends and she says an “oh” which has you hanging on to her next words.
“Well,” she says somewhat pointedly, “I was just thinking, I mean, you’ll have the rest of your life to photograph your friends, and I’m sure you do it all the time. So maybe you should pick a new subject?”
“If you wanted,” she says after you seem to be considering her words. “We’d be more than happy to help you out. You can come hang out with us and build up your portfolio.”
- You ask if she’s sure and she sweetly reassures you, writing down her number and telling you to think about it.
- Well bless your gay little heart, of course you say yes! You’re practically mesmerized by her! It’s just too bad that she only sees you as her own personal photographer ...at least at first.
- So you begin to hang out with the plastics, shocking everyone in your school whenever they actually give you the time of day. Though, of course, they have to give you a makeover and teach you the rules first.
- Everywhere you go, you bring your camera and snap some photos of them, oftentimes at their request. When you’re at school events working on the yearbook, Regina will call your name and you’ll obediently take some pictures of her/them wherever they are. Blinded by your growing crush on the mean girl, you don’t realize what’s happening, especially since she really seems to think of you as a friend.
- I mean, why would she tell guys with newfound interest in you to leave you alone or force you to hang out with her instead of your loser friends/boyfriend or call you up and tell you to sneak out and hang out with her.
- Truth be told, Regina George had taken an actually liking to you and perhaps it had started purely because of the attention you were getting from guys. Regina liked having what other couldnt and now that you were desired; and for other reasons, she wanted you.
- Things come to a head when Gretchen accidentally let slip exactly why Regina had made you their friend after the blonde upset her. The confession had come as a shock but at the same time, you felt dirty, like you’d known all along that it was too good to be true and this was just proving to you that it was.
- You were hurt, you were upset, you were ...angry. How dare she use you like that? Pretend to be your friend for some goddamn photos!
- You didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of blowing up on her, of letting her drop you from the group herself after you “overstepped your boundaries”, so, you ignored her. You didn’t answer her calls, avoided her at school, blatantly ignored her when she called after you. You gave her the silent treatment and it gave you a sick sense of victory.
- Regina hates being ignored and not having control of everything so you; someone she’s grown to have feelings for, just up and ignoring her like she was some common geek really pissed her off. God, you should have seen her after Gretchen admitted she’d told you; the blonde could have killed her.
- So now that the blonde knew what was wrong, she started working towards fixing the mess the “brunette bitch” had made. You obviously weren’t returning her calls nor letting her come near you at school, so she had to surprise you somewhere, somewhere you couldn’t get rid of her. The schools darkroom.
- No one was around there after school, well, no one besides you so when the blonde entered and shut the door behind her, tapping on your shoulder as music blared in your headphones, you nearly had a heart attack.
- Out of sheer shock and anger, you began to yell at her, hurling a few “what the hell is wrong with yous” and insults and explaining that you don’t want to see her. She remains blank faced before she tells you to shut up, successfully shocking you into silence.
- She told you that yes, initially she’d only talked to you for the photos but even then, she saw potential in you, she saw something she liked in you. She thought her interest in you was just some sort of jealousy thing but then she figured out that it was something more. When guys asked you out; well when they tried to, she felt the same way she felt when Aaron Samuels ignored her for some other girl.
- And then she asked if you would go out with her, well, she sort of demanded that you’d go out with her and for better or for worse, you said you would.
- For your first date, the two of you go to the mall together. You spend a few hours shopping around, getting coffees and talking like normal humans. It’s no surprise that you have a good time but you are surprised by how natural it feels to be with her.
- The two of you share your first kiss a few days later, after you’d gone to some party that she’d insisted you attend with her. Some guy had hit on you, causing her to subsequently pretend that she was tired of the place and wanted to go home. Once you were back in her car, she’d pulled you into a rough, obviously jealous kiss, leaving you grinning while she began to drive away.
- And thus, the queen of the plastics became your queen.
- Regina isn’t a huge fan of Pda unless she knows that someone in the vicinity has a crush on you. If there’s someone’s day she can ruin by doing it, then she’s all over you.
- You’ll usually keep your arm around her shoulder or have her arm around you.
- Blowing kisses.
- Just watch the lip gloss when she’s going to be in public, alright?
- Aggressive kisses and makeouts.
- She actually likes cuddling; particularly spooning, especially when she’s feeling upset. She’ll either hold you or let you hold her for hours, usually while watching television.
- You have your very own pair of fuzzy slippers for whenever you stay over at her house.
- Sunbathing on her balcony.
- Phonecalls before bed.
- Affectionate name calling and insults.
- Playful hitting and wrestling.
- Borrowing each other’s stuff: clothes, makeup, perfume, etc. She’ll occasionally buy you things just so she can steal them from you later.
- Small gifts.
- A surprising amount of compliments. You don’t expect Regina George to boost your self esteem up as much as she does but what can she say, she just loves everything about you.
- She likes hearing you rant, she finds it really amusing when you act all bitchy.
- Writing in the burn book, or at least being somewhat pressured into trying it; not purposefully. She just thinks that it’s cathartic so why wouldn’t you?
- Making fun of people together. She’s more mean spirited than you are but hey, you’re both being bitches, right?
- Expect her to make a few commands. She’s just used to having followers and puppy dogs for partners, don’t take it personally.
- Getting her to be nicer to her friends.
- Learning the rules of popularity.
- Getting matching jewelry.
- I’m sorry but you’re now her dress up doll and there’s no stopping it. She’ll do your makeup, buy your clothes, style your hair, whatever her little heart desires; and you’ll just have to let her.
- She actually sort of secretly likes punk/alternative music but you’re one of the few people that’s allowed to know. You bought her an Avril Lavigne cd this one time and she not so jokingly said that she’d go down on you for being so sweet.
- You’re dragged around a lot. You sort of just do whatever she wants, especially if you’re just hanging out rather than going on an actual date.
- Surrender the keys slut. Regina insists on driving no matter whose car you’re taking.
- Going shopping. She needs your advice before she can buy things.
- Holding her stuff for her. I’m sorry but your girlfriend acts like a princess.
- Getting coffees.
- Lunch dates.
- Going to parties together.
- Junk food binges.
- Having tons of photographs together. She has a good bunch of the more platonic looking ones; at least until she comes out, displayed around her room.
- Going to her sports games.
- Letting her rant to you before she has an aneurysm. You’ve certainly helped calm her down from some of her really bad tantrums.
- Hanging out with her little sister. Surprisingly enough, Regina actually really likes her and acts super cute when they’re together.
- She’s got a huge house and an aggressively supportive mom so if your parents are shitty, you’re always welcome to stay with them.
- Telling her how beautiful she is and trying to stop her from focusing on every little somewhat nonexistent flaw of hers.
- Reginas a very jealous girl. She hates seeing you with other people, particularly ones who she thinks are interested in you. She’ll ask what you’re doing talking to them and blatantly scare them away when she’s had enough.
- She’s definitely possessive of you; that’s just how she is.
- Don’t mess with mama bear. She’s sorta overprotective of you and gets offended in your honor. God forbid someone upsets you, or just accidentally bumps into you in the hallway, their life will be destroyed in a matter of minutes.
- The two of you probably fight a lot, sometimes merely bickering, other times having full on screaming matches. She’ll usually either act passive aggressive and pretend to not be bothered or be completely blunt and rude.
- You’ll usually give her the silent treatment and she’ll do the same to you, though she’ll snoop and secretly drive around to see what you’re doing without her. When she’s sick of not seeing you, she’ll give a reluctant apology and somehow always make you forgive her.
- Regina isn’t shy when it comes to saying she loves you, mainly because she usually says it playfully. Though, with that being said, she does always mean it when she says it.
- Perhaps the bus incident happens, perhaps it doesn’t. Nonetheless, the two of you are planning on sticking by each other’s sides; at least for a while.
#2000s movie headcanon#2000s movie headcanons#2000s movie imagine#early 2000s movie headcanon#mean girls headcanon#mean girls imagines#mean girls headcanons#mean girls imagine#Regina George imagines#Regina George headcanons#Regina George headcanon#Regina George imagine
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hello!!! im going on a very long trip at the end of april and I'm looking for some very long fics to download to keep me entertained! i dont care what they're about as long as there's no major character death or mentions of non-con. ur blog is a godsend ilysm and you do such a good job thank you so much 🙏
hi there!! i definitely have a lot of good lengthy fics i can recommend to you!
quote love unquote by newamsterdam
Sero nods. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, really,” he says. “We want you to date Bakugou, for the sake of his reputation with the press. Some public appearances, a few ‘candid’ photos. For at least a couple of months.”
“Bakugou sent you to ask me to date him?” Kirishima asks, baffled.
“Of course not. We, his people, are asking you to date him. He’s going to have to get on board, if he wants his career to survive. And in the bargain, Riot will get all sorts of publicity, because their lyricist will be dating one of the industry’s hottest stars. A win for everyone.”
When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.
acceptance and denial by poteto
It all goes okay when Kirishima decides to come out to his friends and it all goes wrong when decides that Bakugou is the best fake boyfriend material.
cause the darks not taking prisoners tonight by imatrisarahtops
“Are those soba noodles?” Kirishima asked.
Again Bakugou’s only reply was a grunt. He offered no further explanation—not that Kirishima honestly expected one—as though making soba noodles from scratch at half past four in the morning wasn’t at all a bizarre occurrence and made complete and total sense. For a fleeting moment, Kirishima even wondered if maybe he was the odd one here. Besides, he’d already decided it was generally not in his best interest to question these types of things with Bakugou, especially when it was something essentially harmless.
When Kirishima has a nightmare and is unable to fall back asleep, he accepts defeat and decides to study in the common area of the dorms. What he doesn't expect to find is Bakugou, also very much awake, and Kirishima can't help but think that maybe they're both having the same problems with sleeping. If he's worried, it's just because they're friends. (Right?)
the weight of your hand by kamin
That night, to the citizens, the explosions were a jolt of fear at every blast, but to the heroes and the students of UA, they were punches and swings, fierce fighting and loud strength. The explosions were the pulse of the battle, and the power of a boy that would never back down.
One after another, explosions set a chorus through the shuddering city.
And then, suddenly—the explosions stopped.
(In which Bakugou’s kidnapping goes a little differently, and just a few seconds could change so much.)
so take my hand (your life will be brighter) by multiclassmaps
When a stranger shows up at the ice rink during Bakugou's usually private training sessions, Bakugou expects to hate him. He doesn't expect to develop feelings that become increasingly difficult to deny, or for them to help each other sort through their emotional baggage. - Bakugou really didn't like Kirishima's smile. There was something about it that made his stomach hurt, something about it that made it difficult to focus. He definitely hadn't thought about that smile on his way to the ice rink that day. He definitely hadn't.
distance makes the heart grow fonder (false) by dragontrappedinhumanskin
When Bakugo and Kirishima get hit by a quirk that forces them to literally stick together or face the less then desirable consequences, how the fuck is Bakugo supposed to keep his crush hidden?! Well, turns out he never needed to.
-- “Well, this fucking sucks, how are we supposed to train?!” "Really closely?"
perihelion by tauontauoff
Bakugou was a comet, blazing out of reach. Kirishima knew he was stupidly lucky that his furious trajectory went by close enough that his fingertips got to graze the cowl of fire. It was enough.
During Christmas Class 1A and 1B spend a laid-back week learning about extreme environment hero work in the Alps. Kirishima was used to keeping part of his feelings for Bakugou hidden, and had every intention of keeping it that way, but things don't always go according to plan.
fight me by mr_todoroki
Bright red, spiky hair. Annoyingly bright smile. Clothes that radiate ‘look at me’ vibes. Neon yellow tank top with black shorts. And those were definitely crocs on his fucking feet.
Yeah, Katsuki hated this guy.
-
Bakugou gets a new roommate.
quietly by chezka
“We’ve been taking the same way to and from school for weeks,” Kirishima grinned, and then when Bakugou frowned at him he put on an affected pout, tilted his head so that he was looking at him through his thick, long lashes, “you never noticed? Am I that easy to miss?”
He could barely finish the sentence before a laugh escaped his lips, and Bakugou rolled his eyes, hit him with a shoulder a little more violently than necessary.
“You stick out like a sore thumb, broom-head,” he grumbled, promptly ignoring Kirishima's whining about his hairstyle when it started coming, “I didn’t notice ‘cause I didn’t care.”
“And now you do?”
everyone knows that cats are independent by purplepersnickety
Eijirou enjoys his job, working the graveyard shift at a 24/7 coffee shop. His daemon Riot is always there to keep him company, and he likes meeting the early-morning patrons and giving them the best possible kick-start to their day. It's been his routine for about a year now.
Then one day, a grouchy guy with a daemon in the form of a lion walks into the shop in the dead of night, and Eijirou decides to strike up a conversation with him.
punks not dead by wrunic
“So you want to use me to piss off your mom?” Kirishima summarized, raising one pierced eyebrow at Katsuki.
“Look, if you want to be all fucking judgy about it, I take cash,” Katsuki said, dropping his hand palm up on the table.
“Hey now,” Kirishima said, raising his hands in surrender, “I didn’t say I wasn’t doing it. I’m always down for a little chaos.” He flashed a grin, showing off his ridiculous shark teeth.
“Good,” Katsuki said. “We start tomorrow."
sent, delivered, read, loved by kiribakuhappiness
Kirishima E. [6.49pm]: ur okay for such an angry dude bakugou! :)
Bakugou K. [7.12pm]: FUCK YOU!
Kirishima E. [7.14pm]: haha! :D ttyl!
Bakugou K. [7.48pm]: FUCKING WHAT DO THOSE DUMB LETTERS MEAN???
Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: I JUST LOOKED IT UP DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME LATER!
Bakugou K. [7.52pm]: STOP TXTING ME!!!
- OR -
Bakugou's and Kirishima's relationship develops from classmates to friends to more, as told through their text conversations.
flicker by mr_todoroki
He was starting to feel depressed. Life was so uninteresting. It was so mundane and forgettable. He had no one to hang out with besides Kota, his family didn’t even live in the city.
He grew his hair out as some sort of rebellion, some sort of stand to make his life the slightest bit more interesting. But he could already feel himself giving in to the pressure of cutting it. He needed to work to live. Without a job, he’d truly have nothing.
OR
Kirishima never applied to UA, therefore never became a hero.
let’s get down to business by kjelfalconer
Katsuki Bakugou, one of the brightest rising stars on wall street, is in need of a new personal assistant. Again. Could Eijirou Kirishima finally be the one to last more than two months?
Katsuki's long suffering HR department sure hope so.
something about us by bigstupidjellyfish
nothing like being in highschool and having no idea how to deal with emotions
fireproof by inkbender
Four years after a classmate nobody seems to remember is kidnapped by the League of Villains, Kirishima drags an amnesiac hobo he found washed up on the beach into his apartment, attempts to teach him how to adult (with varying degrees of success), and discovers along the way that the line between heroism and villainy is quite fine indeed. Plot-divergent after episode 45, the Forest Training Camp arc.
blood riot by magicallee (alternatively)
Kirishima from a universe with no quirks is mind-swapped with an alternate universe version of himself where there are superpowers.
And in that universe he’s a super villain.
And Bakugou is the superhero who caught Evil-Kirishima and put him in prison.
blindside by drowclericpelor
“You’re the first guy friend I’ve had that I can just like, be friends with. You’re either the most unthirstiest boy ever...” Camie shrugged and made another wobbly illusion appear between her hands. It looked like a sparkly rainbow with the word ‘friendship’ beneath it, accompanied by what Bakugou assumed was supposed to be a twinkling sound effect, but it had a tinny quality to it and sounded far away. “...or I just ain’t got the kinda straw you like to ssssip.”
Carefully, Bakugou considered the strange turn this conversation had taken.
He had never been asked, point blank, if he was gay before. And he honestly had never thought about how he would respond. Lying about himself didn’t sit right with him. But he’d always wanted to wait until he was the number one hero - when he stood above everyone else - before coming out. Though he’d had times when he’d thought about doing it before then and had almost gone through with it once. But being the number one hero came first. It wouldn’t matter what people would say about it then as long as he’d risen to the top.
Bakugou knew his lack of a response would give Camie all the answers she needed.
flour power by wingsonghalo
“I’m telling you now, Shitty Hair,” the blonde growled, “I am not gonna play house with you. We will cart this stupid flour around for a week like the assignment says. But some of our idiot classmates are naming the thing and setting up ‘playdates’ and dressing it and I am not doing anything that stupid. Got it?”
Kirishima and Bakugou are paired up to take care of a flour sack for a week. It would be so simple, except nothing with Bakugou is ever simple. Also Kirishima might be kinda sorta completely head over heels for him.
sunchaser by chonideno
that feeling when you suddenly want to jump off a cliff for no reason but instead of a cliff it’s your best friend and instead of jumping it’s growing feelings out of nowhere
or how Bakugou has to try really hard not to throw everything to the wind, and Kirishima doesn't help
i also have a tag specifically for fics that reach somewhere between 30k-70k words long if you wanted to check that out as well! i hope you enjoy the fics here and that i was able to help, ily enjoy your trip!!! :D
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Harvard Vs Netflix
Malcolm bright x reader
You were fussing over your hair for probably the tenth time this block, usually you didn’t care but you were going on a double date with your friend and her new fiance, plus it was the first time she’ll meet Malcolm, so you had to look your best.
“Love, you look fine, calm down.”
Malcolm says, gently pulling your hand away from your hair and onto his lap. It also didn’t help that he always wore a suit, and looked damn good in them. You never saw him an anything else until you moved in with him. Shooting the ex FBI agent an exasperated look.
“Surely you know that wasn’t the best thing to say right now, being a profiler and all?”
Chuckling he lifts your hand to place many soft kisses to the back in apology.
“You’re right, I should’ve told you how beautiful you always look, now being no exception.”
“Plus aren’t you excited?”
Smiling you slide closer, tucking yourself under his arm resting your head on his chest as you sigh. You were excited, but couldn’t get past this weird feeling in your chest.
“I am, it’s just...her fiancé Ty,”
Feeling him move to get a better look at your expression, trying to figure out what you meant so you didn’t have to say it if you didn’t want to. You know if he saw something he didn’t like on your face as you spoke of the other man he would tell the driver to turn around, he always wanted you to be comfortable even around his family, he never seemed to calm down until you both were alone.
“There’s something off, and I can’t ask her about it or she will think it’s payback for what she said about you when we started dating.”
“What did she say about me!”
Luckily before you had to answer the car stopped outside the restaurant.
Some restaurant in Manhattan that had a dark lit romantic theme but was still classy.
After Malcolm held the door open for you, you saw Natalie sitting alone and rushed to hug her.
“You’re here!”
She squeals when she sees you, Malcolm trailing behind, hands stuffed in his expensive suit pants pockets.
“Of course we are, but where’s Ty?”
You asked sitting in the seat Malcolm pulled out for you after you introduced them both.
Reading the sheepish look on her face you could figure out what was up.
“He’s running late, he will be here soon.”
That’s what she always said. You all spend the next thirty minutes catching up and explaining old stories of the trouble you both got into as kids to Malcolm, when Ty walks in. Giving you a quick awkward hug, he knew you didn’t like him you made it clear after the fifth time he stood her up. He shook Malcolms hand and gave Natalie a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Sorry I’m late got caught up at work.”
Malcolm smirked at your eye roll, it was odd for him to see you like this, normally you were the nicest person clearly you didn’t like Ty, he just had to find out why, should be easy enough.
“What do you do?”
It was a simple question, if Malcolm wasn’t the one to ask but you knew he’d be looking for anything Ty would give up. You already had suspicions hopefully He will come to the same conclusion.
“Uh, real-estate, you?”
“I’m a consultant for the NYPD, a profiler to be exact.”
“He used to be FBI isn’t that cool!”
Natalie said squeezing Tys shoulder as she bragged to her fiancé about your boyfriends past career. At least he looked flustered knowing that Malcolm figures out serial killers thoughts for fun.
“Isn’t it a little late for real estate?”
“Y/n!”
“No Nat, it’s okay. Well Y/n in real estate I have to stage houses in order to sell them. That’s what I was doing.”
Giving an innocent shrug as she yells at you. That smug punk, he was testing you, seeing how far you would go you knew that but if you were going down so was he.
“Oh yeah did you use perfume to stage the house? because you smell absolutely floral.”
Before you could laugh at he wide eyes and the fact he choked on his drink, your boyfriends phone rang. He could feel your glare, one because you asked him to mute it during dinners, two because it ruined the moment you finally had of Ty for once not having some degrading come back.
Quietly speaking over the phone, judging by the annoyance all over his face it was his mother. Rather then third wheeling you followed him outside, when he was just hanging up.
“I’m sorry love,-“
You cut him off before he could finish, any other time you would be irritated but this time, it gave you an escape.
“Yeah yeah it’s fine. What did you think of Ty?”
“You don’t like it when I profile your friends.”
Raising his eyebrows, looking over your face as if it was a trick.
“Ty is not my friend! And I said I don’t like when you profile me! I know the guy is cheating do you agree?”
“He was acting odd and gave clear signals of deception and did smell very floral yes.”
“Well he wasn’t wearing his ring and there’s a pink lipstick mark behind his ear, did you see how nervous he got when he found out what you did!”
He’s only her fiancé but she wanted them both to have engagement rings. And of course he probably lost his ‘staging a house’
“How’d you catch that? I didn’t even see that!”
Malcolm asked, sounding astounded. Sure he went to some fancy school but you learned naturally, which is something he forgets. You could read people almost as well as he could and have made many jokes about it.
“Yeah, guess Netflix taught more than Harvard babe.”
You winked, leading him back to the restaurant.
The following week you were both having a game night with Ainsley and Mitch the new guy she was seeing. You started with monopoly, then charades which you and Malcolm killed at. Now it was 21, the boys either folded or busted, it was down to you and Ainsley,
“I’m all in.”
She says, her lip twitching. An untrained eye wouldn’t have caught it, but you call her bluff and go all in too. And you were right to do so. Yelling in excitement as you flip your cards.
“Dang it, it’s like playing with Malcolm!”
She shouted, a smile on both of your faces. The boys came to see who won, although Malcolm already knew. You were the only person he couldn’t beat at cards.
“She’s not exactly like me, she reads expressions and body language I read behaviors.”
Malcolm over explained. You found it cute but the other couple looked lost.
“Why don’t we make this fun? We all go against Y/n, two truths and a lie see if she can find the lies.”
Mitch suggest, leaning comfortably on the couch next to Ainsley. Malcolm sitting straight up next to you his hand resting on your hip. Looking mildly intrigued and quickly agreed. Mitch practically lunges to the ottoman in front of you.
“Okay! So..when I was sixteen I stole a car,
I secretly dated my best friends sister,
And I had a dog named Shakespeare.”
He quickly rattled off, the other two in the room watching us like hawks. I already knew about the car from when Malcolm made Gil run a background check. the second one looked like a truth but there was a hint of head tilt when he said ‘dated’
“You didn’t date her, you just slept together.”
It was crickets waiting for his response, he stares frozen until his eyes widen and jaw drops.
“Holy crap she’s good!”
“She was right?”
“Shakespeare, really?”
You and Malcolm shouted simultaneously.
He was equally surprised and impressed. He couldn’t figure out which was the lie. And yet you did and then some. He was proud but couldn’t stand you were that good at something you learned from a Netflix series.
“Move over, my turn!”
Ainsley now sat in Mitchs place. You noticed her foot tapping as she thought of what to say.
“I took ballet classes when I was 8, I wore a dress worth over a thousand dollars to prom and spilled punch all over it........and I over heard mom and dad talking about the girl in the box.”
Malcolms hand tightened on your thigh, you could feel his breath catch in his chest. She was trying to throw you off by playing with his emotions, it would’ve worked if she wasn’t so predictable. But it was a low blow that sadly didn’t surprise you.
“You didn’t spill the punch and you don’t know anything about the box.”
He relaxed once she nodded her head, And apologized to her brother. You could see the interest in her eyes as she asked question after question. One of them being what was beneficial with my little ‘gift’.
“Well I always know who’s lying before they open their mouth, plus knowing the signs of deception means you can manipulate them, which is why I can lie to your brother.”
Winking to your boyfriend during your last sentence. It was true you were amazing at lying, you never used it but no one ever knew about surprises you were planing.
“I’ll admit I’m impressed, but you definitely couldn’t lie to me I’d know.”
“Oh yeah? Looks like it my turn this time.”
Now facing Malcolm, you tucking you knee underneath you to appear more relaxed, you’d be more believable that way. He nodded for you to start. You grew up hearing the quote, don’t start a fight but once you’re in one win it. So if you had to pull a play from Ainsleys play book you would. You just won’t use something that traumatic. Keeping your shoulders loose and your breathing even.
“I used to own a classic car, I’ve never felt about anyone the way I do you, I cheated on you when you were in this hospital with the snake bite.”
Since you were telling the truth your expressions matched with the lie. But you knew Malcolm would be looking for forced reactions. Since you know what to look for in other people you could fake those same triggers, or hide them. He appeared calm as you spoke but the longer you stayed silent the more tense he got. While you were telling the lie you added extra detail, giving him more to analyze over the vague truths. Plus no one wants to believe someone they loved cheated on them.
“I don’t know.”
Malcolm sighed heavily, not only in defeat but confusion. He hated to think you did that to him, but he always thought that you deserved better, maybe you did too. Not being able to stand the pain in his eyes you explained.
“The car I had was a mustang, you’re the only man I’ve ever said I love you to, You mean to much to me I’d never cheat on you.”
Sliding closer with every sentence until you were practically in his lap as you finished. You could feel the stress leave his body, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and kissing your head.
Later that night you were curled up together in bed, his fingers lightly trailing up and down your arm staring at the ceiling.
“That was a stupid game.”
Softly laughing at his words, playing with the neckline of his grey shirt he sleeps in as you agreed.
“It was, but at least I got to show you my mad skills, I could take your job one day.”
You joke, successfully making him laugh and loosen up.
“It you, I’m always amazed by you. Showing off or not.
#malcolm bright x reader#malcolm whitly imagine#malcolm bright imagine#prodigal son imagine#malcolm imagine
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Young, Dumb Love (Punk!Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader)
Plot: After Eddie gets kicked out of his house for disobeying his moms rules, your parents open up their home to him. He’s really broken up about it, but he’s glad he has you by his side.
Based off of “Kissing In Cars” by Pierce the Veil
Warnings: child abandonment, angst, + swearing
A/N: This has been my favorite song since I was 12. It holds a really special place in my heart and I’m genuinely surprised I hadn’t wrote anything for it sooner.
——————————————————————————
Eddie showed up on your doorstep that morning, backpack on his back, two duffel bags in either hand. He had tears in his eyes and an apologetic look on his face, shrugging his shoulders as you took in his broken form and asked “Baby, what happened?”
Truly, he didn’t even know what happened. He was fighting with his mom about the pills, chucking them into the toilet disobediently as he screamed at her with as much force as he could muster up. He has been dealing with it for 17 years, dealing with the controlling and the pushing around and the cruel punishments. Eddie was done. He bleached his hair freshman year, started stealing some of Richie’s band shirts, (the ones that didn’t fit Richie), and he even had you paint his nails. His mom didn’t like the new look, that was the point, but Eddie hated how the look of disappointment that washed over her face still made him feel like a failure despite how happy with himself he was. He finally was able to be who he was supposed to be, and his mom just shit all over it, not like he expected anything less.
“Why are you doing this, Eddie?” his mom screamed, hurt evident on her face. “I just want what’s best for you. Instead, you run off with that whore of a girl and act like you have no self control.” She gestured towards his body with a disgusted look on her face.
“What the fuck is your problem, Mom?” He pounded his fist on the old, granite counter of the sink, feeling the entire vanity shake. “I’m finally happy. Let me be happy!”
“You can go be ‘happy’ somewhere else,” Sonia said through gritted teeth, crossing her arms over her chest. “Pack your clothes and go.”
His face softened at her change in demeanor, and a lump developed in his throat as he shook his head back and forth. “M-mom, I have nowhere-“
“Go, Eddie,” she responded sternly, pointing towards his room. “Pack your clothes. And. Go.” She walked off down the stairs, leaving him to stare at himself in the bathroom mirror, silent tears steaming down his face.
You invited him into your house, yelling back at your parents, who were in the kitchen wondering who it was that it was Eddie. They came out quickly, noticing that he had bags. Their eyebrows furrowed, but they ultimately offered to give him a place to stay until he was able to figure out what he was doing when you both went off to college. While your parents weren’t too keen on you having a serious boyfriend before 18, they realized that they should let you live your life, even if it came with ultimate heartbreak if you and Eddie didn’t work out. You had both already picked a school to go to together, NYU, and were excited to start a new life and get the hell out of Derry. You brought Eddie up to the guest room, letting him put his things on the floor before dragging him to your room to cuddle on the bed. It was a given that despite his things residing in the guest room, every night Eddie would sleep with you.
“I’m sorry that she kicked you out,” you said softly, running your hand through his hair as he sniffled into your chest. “I’m glad my parents let you stay.”
“I am, too,” he answered, his voice thick with tears. “And...and I can help pay them in anyway they see fit. I have the job at Keene’s, I can get another summer job too once school ends if they-“ You shushed him, running your hand down from his hair to his shoulder, massaging it a bit.
“They’ve already said that they hope you use that money to get away from Sonia and for college,” you giggled out, not because it was funny but because of the sheer irony of the statement. “I’m sure they’ll just have you help around the house or something like that. Maybe you’d have the mow the lawn every once and a while.” He nodded, adjusting himself so that his chin was now on your chest, his eyes looking up into yours.
“I love you,” he whispered shamelessly, his right hand going down to splay over your hip as he reached up to kiss your neck. “I love you so much. Thank you for being you.” You sat up a little, moving to lay against your headboard as you wrapped him in a tight hug. Tears pricked the sides of your eyes as he rubbed his right thumb over your waist and his left hand snuck to your back, pressing your even further against him.
“How are we gonna tell the others?” you asked softly, sniffling and trying to prevent the tears from falling. You looked into his chocolate eyes, bloodshot and watery as he shrugged. “Should we even tell them?”
“No, we definitely should,” he frantically answered, scooting up to lay against the headboard next to you. “I think we should wait though, see if things cool down with my mom.” You shook your head, placing one of your hands in his hair and messing with it’s unruliness.
“You’re safer here,” you whispered, planting a soft and gentle kiss on his cheekbone. “I want you here.” He tugged you on top of him, flipping so your head was now on his chest. It was crazy how a boy, whom was just kicked out of his own home, could hold so much love for others that he’d much rather comfort you in this moment.
“College is in three months anyway,” he pointed out, his thumb still tracing over your hip bone. “We’ll go to New York and never have to come back.”
You and Eddie had made the decision to both apply to NYU, wanting to go to a good school as well as get away from Derry. You knew the other Losers were going all over the country, Bill, Ben, and Mike staying Maine, Richie and Bev going to California, but Stanley was also going to NYU. It was going to be a big change for all of you, but that’s what you needed to be able to adapt to adult life.
“We’ll be okay.” You took a deep breath, nodding at his words. “We’ll be together and it’ll all be fine.”
You smiled up at him, staring back into his eyes. “I can’t wait to live my life with you.” He blushed at your words, and you snickered at the scene: a boy clad in all black with painted nails and chained blushing at your words.
“I can’t wait to live mine you, either.” He placed a soft kiss on your temple, shutting his eyes and enjoying the peace that came with the silence that you engulfed yourselves in.
#punk!eddie kaspbrak#eddie kaspbrak x reader#eddie kaspbrak headcanons#eddie kaspbrak smut#richie tozier x reader#bill denbrough x reader#stanley uris x reader#mike hanlon x reader#ben hanscom x reader#beverly marsh x reader#it chapter one imagines#it chapter two imagines
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Movie Review: My Summer as a Goth
”If you don’t care what people think, why did you just ask me what I thought?” Overview and Plot My Summer as a Goth is a crowd funded movie directed by Tara Johnson-Medinger. It stars Joey, a morose teen who constantly talks about her dead dad and gets angry when other people talk about her dead dad. Since her mother is a prolific author set to do a book tour, Joey is shipped about 45 minutes out of town to her grandparents' house for the summer. There she becomes interested in the neighbor boy, an even more sullen teen called Victor. Victor notices Joey's interest and whisks her away into the world of goth summer romance. In terms of production, very nice looking film. Professional. I liked that the beginning of the movie looked very washed-out and reflected the mood well, getting warmer as the summer went on. I also loved the texting graphics. The movie was well-paced and a good length, however the passage of time in the movie was a bit odd. VERY soon after the movie says summer starts it’s the Fourth of July, then again only a short time later everyone’s talking about how the summer is almost over. Joey even gets mad at her mother in one instance for not being available in time, but it seems like the mother responded back in about a day while Joey makes it out that it took weeks. The in-movie passage of time was very confusing for me. Most of the characters were well-written with some hiccups mostly on the grandparent’s and Antonio’s end. Costume design was on-point. Sound was fine and the music choices throughout were wonderful. Overall, the film had really good production value.
Moving into spoiler territory, Joey’s grandparents are a ride as they swing from giving Joey hundreds of dollars and baking her pot brownies to telling at her she can’t stay out late and that she needs an exorcism. Antonio, a punk, starts the movie off by getting into a fist fight with Victor, but later becomes a loveable member of the cast. We meet Cob and Pen, the “goth swan couple”. They’re Victor’s friends and a breath of fresh air; despite having morose interests they’re very bubbly and outgoing. I wish more of the movie had them in it. They along with Victor decide to give Joey a makeover and invite her to a few different events over the summer including a silent disco in a graveyard, a party at Pandora’s house, and a concert. They also go on a camping trip with Joey, her grandparents, and one of Joey’s high school friends. Eventually, Joey gets annoyed with Victor’s constant toxic attitude and finds out he’s cheating on her. Everything’s fine in the end as the summer comes to a close and she goes back to school with Antonio as her new boyfriend and her new, darker look.
Joey the babybat has daddy issues. In the beginning Joey feels acts catty and defensive about everything. Don’t worry, she never really grows out of that. Pretty much everything about her revolves around either the fact that her father is dead or her relationship with Victor. She does have an art hobby that’s shown throughout the movie but she seems almost embarrassed by it? It’s never actually brought up by any characters and no one ever looks through her sketchbook or shows interest in it. Which I found really odd because a lot of the goths I know in real life tend to be pretty creative and would love it? Anyway, she falls head-first into goth because of a boy. I know that’s how some people get into the subculture, but it kind-of sours the movie because it seems like she also only stays in the subculture because of the boy. In the beginning she mentions liking the music and how it helps her express how she feels inside, but other than Victor, we really don’t get to see how she thinks about the subculture. She’s friends with Cob and Pen because they’re Victor’s friends. She goes to events because Victor goes. She dresses up because Victor wants her to. But once Victor is out of the picture, why does she stay? Other than the passing mention of music at the beginning, she really has no interest in the goth scene. She’s never shown engaging with the scene on her own terms, and I find that a little disappointing. When I was a babybat I was reading goth blogs like Stripy Tights and Dark Delights, I was trying to get my hands on back issues of Gothic Beauty, I was watching a ton of different youtubers talk about the scene and I just wanted more. There’s none of that with Joey save for a short scene where she watches tutorials on how to do her hair and make-up. (Which, admittedly was really cute.) I didn’t understand WHY Joey stays a goth at the end of the movie and I think it’s because the movie really didn’t portray the positive aspects of the subculture as much. Also, Joey needs to work on her attitude problem. She mentions her dead dad quite a bit at the beginning and gets upset when other people mention it back to her. At the end of the film she calls her mom over heartbreak and when her mom tries to talk about it with her, she acts sarcastic and shuts her mother out, getting mad that she reached out at the wrong time. I’m unsure if it was just Joey going back to her old coping strategies or if she was in the right because I have no idea how much time had passed since the phone call. I’ll never know. Either way, she does dump Victor which is nice and she reconciles with her mother as well. I do like that she feels more comfortable with herself at the end of the movie and begins doing things on her own terms, even if others don’t “get it”. Victor is a VERY well-written, manipulative dick. Storytime! So, there weren’t many goths at my college and we never really had any classes together, but I remember seeing this one kid walking across the street to the art buildings with a flowing black velvet cape over their backpack, an unlaced black poet shirt, platinum white hair in a side-hawk, knee-high black leather boots and a TON of silver jewelry. Honestly, they would have looked so cool if their harem pants weren’t made of chiffon and completely see-through. (Batman boxers!) Seeing Victor for the first time immediately reminded me of that. Over the top, charming, charismatic and a bit silly. I liked him at first. His wit is dry and in the beginning he didn’t take himself of the subculture TOO seriously, making jokes about vampires. I liked that he seemed to be having fun chatting about music and dressing up Joey. And then there came the lipstick. Honestly, the lipstick was used absolutely perfectly to show how the relationship is souring and how manipulative Victor really is. It really is a gradual showing of how things are going south in their relationship and how Victor isn’t as much as a downcast victim as he puts on. Later on in the movie he starts reminding me of that Bruiser sketch where there’s two goths and one of them is just badgering the other one that he can’t take his sweater off in the summer or join in on seasports because it’s “not goth”. He begins chastising Joey for not looking perfect at all times or not knowing things about the subculture despite the fact that he just dresses her up and brings her to parties instead of actually trying to integrate her to the local scene or teaching her about music or history. Eventually he goes back to hooking up with Pandora, something he apparently does frequently because Joey is not the first person he’s cheated on and literally everyone in town warns Joey about it. Victor clearly has a massively inflated ego and you love to hate him in the end. There are definitely his type in goth scenes around the world and I can see how he stays in good graces with the other asshole friends he has. Some people just really like being elitists. The one thing I can’t figure out, though, is why Pen and Cob are friends with him. They’re so nice compared. A punk by jacket only and why casual homophobia makes me salty. Antonio is... hoo boy, is he a thing. First introduced starting a fight with Victor you think, "Ah, this is the antagonist of the movie. I wonder why they made the punk an asshole? Usually punks are okay with goths." Luckily for us, he apologizes for the outburst and becomes a friend of the main cast. We learn he likes canasta and plays guitar. Oddly, he doesn't seem to have any punk patches or pins on his jacket and never actually mentions punk music. He does, however, mention goth music and he seems familiar with the other goths in town going to their events, so it seems he's on good standing with them despite bullying the goths at the beginning of the film. Seeing as goths would rather pretend to be haughty vampires than get their tail coats in a twist, Antonio makes for a heroic figure in the movie when Joey is in trouble. In my notes I wrote, "Ten bucks says punk kid is gonna save her,” and lo and behold, Antonio comes out of nowhere to save Joey from some bullies. I do like that he uses his rough appearance to his advantage to help people and do the right thing. That pretty accurately describes every punk I’ve ever met. They look tough as nails, but you’ll only see that side of them if you absolutely deserve to.
It's also revealed that Antonio is not straight as he's seen making out with some guy at a concert, mentions having had a previous relationship with Victor, and is being made fun of for being gay in the end. He also ends the film by being Joey's boyfriend. Pardon, what? I'm kind-of tired of this heteronormative nonsense where movies have to end with all main characters (Sans the villain, of course.) end up in a happy straight relationship. Joey's non-goth friend who's in the movie for a very short amount of time also ends up with a goth boyfriend because happily-ever-after and all that. It probably wouldn't have sat as poorly with me if they didn't make fun of Antonio for "looking gay" which in context makes no sense since he's pretty gender conforming compared to the goth men in the film. It also didn’t help that there were comments about lesbians at the beginning of the movie. At one point Joey's grandparents suggest she might like girls and Joey rebukes it with vitriol saying her grandparents are "too cool". The same kind of vitriol you hear when a straight person tells you they could never imagine being gay, that's disgusting. Oh, but they support your "choices", hm? I just wish Antonio’s character was a bit more fleshed out and he didn’t end up being back-up male love interest that’s only there to save female lead from bad guys and heartbreak. First rule of Goth Music is you don’t talk about Goth Music? The movie introduces goth along with music. The music in the film is honestly really good and a good portrayal of what goths actually listen to. Joey mentions she likes the music near the beginning and she goes to events such as a silent disco, a party, and a concert. Despite music obviously being a major source of community in the movie, no one actually talks about it other than that one instance of Joey mentioning she likes it. No one suggests bands to her or actually goes to the parties or concerts to do anything other than make out. The silent disco is the only real instance of them listening and dancing to the music and it feels like it's over in a flash. Though, the corny goth dance moves in that scene kind-of make up for it. At one point Antonio pulls out a guitar and asks if Joey wants him to play “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”. She mentions she’s never heard of it which leads Antonio to ask if she’s new to the scene. At another point in the party, Joey asks someone if they like Marylin Manson. While this is an obvious faux pas to anyone actually in the goth scene, no one actually engages with her in conversation about it. How was Joey supposed to know his music isn’t goth? Wasn’t she listening to goth music earlier at the silent disco? Or the music she said sounded pretty from Victor’s room when they met? How did she get this far liking these bands but not noticing that they sound nothing like Marylin Manson and did she never look them up on her own to listen to them later? She obviously likes them, so it really surprises me that she only got in the goth scene for a guy.
Robert Smith NEVER has smeared lipstick. /s The emphasis on appearance is a little annoying throughout the movie, but I guess it had to be. It fits Victor's personality to change Joey's personal style to match his, and the makeover scene was fun, but I wish there would have been more diversity in the cast of townie goths who attend the parties, concerts, and discos. I counted one person with blonde hair and a small handful of older goths. I didn't notice any non-white goths and unfortunately the movie placed quite the emphasis on pale skin and trying to avoid tanning. I know people like the white face along with dark make-up and looking vamp-ish, but when all your characters are in white greasepaint and there's no PoC to be seen in goth garb it sends a message that only white people can be goth and that's really something we need to kill in the subculture. I did, however, like the wardrobe choices. I liked that Joey got her wardrobe from a thrift store and that she dyed a top she already owned. She looked up tutorials on how to do her hair and make-up and it never looked perfect. That's a good thing. Baby Bats won't know how to do a bats nest hairstyle, they won't know to blend foundation to the neck, and they won't have a perfect eyeliner wing. No one mentioned alt-brand name clothing and no one had a perfectly couture outfit that media likes to sell as a stereotypical goth teenager. The goths actually looked like goths. Their wardrobes were things you'd actually see in a club and we get to see that they wear a plain black tank top and shorts when milling about the house, only breaking out the corsets and top hats for big events. The older goths were more well put together and that makes sense because they've been in the subculture longer and have had time to figure out what they like and what looks good on them. The costuming department did a really great job with this. Ah, but as a side note about wardrobe, who donates brand new, tall Docs to a thrift store??? You can’t sit with us. And sadly, the worst part of Goth in the movie- community. What was that, film? Other than the three main goths, we only get to see other goths at large events and they all seem a bit catty? You have the silent disco, which was cute but no one really spoke to or interacted with each other. Pen and Cob are kind-of doing their own thing throughout no matter who they’re with. We also have the house party and the concert. The other goths there are.... pretty much just there to be judgy because Joey’s new? The first time I went to a club in a new city and didn’t know anyone some random person grabbed my hands and dragged me to the dancefloor. It was fun! People would ask the DJ what he was spinning and they weren’t shamed for not knowing. If someone’s jacket ripped, five people would come out of the woodwork with a safety pin and afterwards we’d all pile into Denny’s and laugh and joke and talk about nothing. I’m not saying there’s no “Gothier-than-Thou” types, believe me I’ve met more than a few, but in a movie that’s trying to portray someone WANTING to become a goth, why not portray the subculture as more inviting? Also, with the comments from Victor and a few other remarks, it seems like alcohol is needed to blend into the goth scene, and that definitely isn’t the case. Sure, a lot of us love absinth or a snakebite in black, but it’s not needed to fit in with the cool kids at the club. The community really is my favorite thing about this subculture and I feel it was a disservice that most goths were showcased as uninviting. I can understand Joey not being wanted at the party initially as she wasn’t invited in the first place and perhaps the eldergoths in the room didn’t want to have to have an impromptu etiquette and history lesson with a babybat when they’re supposed to be relaxing, but the point of the movie was to showcase why Joey wants to be a goth. She never makes friends outside of Victor’s immediate group and never tries to find community or information about the scene online or anything. I guess that is how babybats do act a lot of the time, but again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, the point of the movie is showing why someone would WANT to be a goth. Final Thoughts. The goth scene in the movie looked like a regular goth scene. I liked the emphasis on thrifting and DIY and that newcomers don’t come out of the womb knowing the lyrics to the entirety of Floodland. The music was phenomenal. I liked that the music featured was goth music, but not the main five bands that everyone already knows. I liked that the events attended were focused mainly around music. I liked seeing actual goth dance moves on screen. I liked that people in the movie did use terminology found in the subculture and made jokes about the subculture that insiders would actually make. I liked that Pen and Cob were wonderfully peppy despite their dark interests, I liked that we got punk-goth solidarity. I liked that it did remind me a bit of my babybat years and got me missing clubs and events. I miss all my friends... I really do...
I was put off by the passage of time in the movie, Joey’s cattiness with anyone who tries to help her, the light and casual homophobia sprinkled in, and the negative-leaning portrayal of the goth community. Other than that, though, I did think it was a good movie with a satisfying ending and I would really suggest people check it out. It’s probably the most accurate portrayal of goths in any media, really, and it’s worth a watch. At the very least, go listen to the soundtrack on BandCamp.
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Mommy’s (Not So) Good Girl-19
Standing stock still and rigid, I watch as Dean makes his way through the crowd toward me, a smile on his face.
DEAN'S POV
I smile as I approach Abby and I can see the confusion and questioning in her eyes. She is wondering what I am doing.
I pull her into a hug and she tenses.
“Shhh,” I hum. “Just go with it baby.”
I feel her relax and her arms wrap around my waist. I smile as I kiss her on the top of her head.
“Happy New Year Abs,” I mutter into her scalp. “I promise you’ll get your kiss later.”
Abby’s arms tighten around me for a second and then she pulls back and looks up at me.
“Thanks Da-” she almost slips out the nickname that only she is allowed to call me but quickly catches her mistake. “-Dean.”
I give her one more quick squeeze and then release her, heading back over to where I had left Lisa.
“What was that?” Lisa inquires as soon as I make it back to her side.
“Nothing,” I lie. “I just didn’t want her to feel left out. Her date never showed.”
“You are so sweet Dean Winchester,” Lisa purrs up at me and I give her a half-smile, keeping my eyes on Abby as she carries on as if nothing had occurred. Good girl.
This party had been Lisa's idea. And now that Abby had told me that her mother was expecting a proposal for Christmas, I understood why she volunteered.
Lisa had planned to show off; to flaunt our engagement. From the stories I've been told, usually from Stan while on the construction site, Lisa's front door once was ever-revolving with men coming and going all hours of the day and night.
And she thought I was going to propose so she could boast and brag to her married friends.
Proposing to Lisa had never even crossed my mind. I had come to her after I lost Sam because I had made a promise to him to go somewhere that made me happy.
At the time, I never realized that Cicero would be where I’d end up; that Lisa is who I’d turn to. We’d had that one weekend almost 10 years ago and I remembered feeling content with her, comfortable even.
She had had a little girl but that hadn’t bothered me then and I had decided it wasn’t going to bother me when I chose to come to Indiana.
Boy, how wrong I had been! Who knew that by coming here, I’d be in the predicament I’m in? Living with Lisa and fucking her daughter. Enjoying fucking Abby, even.
How in the hell did I go from hunting monsters with my brother to living with two women, both of whom I am sleeping with?
At one time during the evening, I thought I was going to have to make a scene when I watched, from the kitchen, an altercation between Abby and another of the neighborhood boys; I think his name is Brad. He and his girlfriend, I guess...the girl he showed up with anyway, were outside on the back patio when Abby walked out there.
Whatever the boy had said to Abby had made me consider going out there and interfering but Abigail set him straight quickly. He had shrunk back to the corner with the other girl and Abby had marched inside, her face hard. I was proud of her for standing her ground and putting that punk in his place. I just wondered what he had said to her to piss her off.
Not long after the new year rings in, people begin to leave. Lisa and I see each one to the door and I have to fight the urge to throw a dirty look Brad’s way as he and his friend leave with his parents.
As soon as the last of the party guests are gone, I jump into helping Lisa and Abby clean the mess up. Cups of half drunken beverages and empty cups are scattered on surfaces throughout the house.
In the kitchen Abby is fighting with getting the overflowing trash bag out of the can and I have to chuckle at her struggle.
“Here, let me get that,” I tell her as I approach.
She sighs and relinquishes her hold on the plastic and I swiftly pull the bag out of its prison.
“You make that look so easy,” she laughs as she begins loading the bag even more.
Once the house is trash-free, the three of us trudge upstairs to our rooms. Abby bids her mom and I goodnight in the hallway before walking in and closing the door.
I follow Lisa to our room and close the door. Lisa goes into the closet to change into some pajamas while I start to take my clothes off. As I’m pulling my shirt over my head, I realize that this would be a good time to get Abby alone, to give her the kiss I promised her. It’s not too far past midnight, right?
“Hey Lis,” I say as I approach the closet door. “I gotta run to the bathroom.”
“Okay,” she answers. “Hurry back.”
I make my way out of the bedroom, closing the door behind me. It’s now or never. I only have a few minutes to do what I want to do.
I approach Abby’s bedroom door and lightly knock, hoping she hasn’t gone to sleep yet but also praying if she has I don’t wake her up. Maybe this is just silly and nonsensical.
The door opens and Abby looks surprised that it’s me. I take in what she is wearing and I internally groan. The shirt she has on is old and worn, the picture depicting a teddy bear with a football helmet on and a jersey with a giant P in the middle; I realized it’s a college tee. The material is almost threadbare and thin, the neck has been cut into a V probably more for comfort than style.
Her legs poke out of a pair of tiny sleep shorts and as she turns to head back to her bed, I have to close my eyes to control myself because those shorts make her ass look great. I watch her crawl back into her bed and put her legs under the covers, ultimately hiding them from my view. It’s probably a good thing.
I walk over the threshold of her room and shut the door, not bothering to lock it because I’m only going to be in here for a few minutes anyway and we can’t really do anything, as much as I would like to; especially after seeing her in her sleep clothes.
I walk to the foot of the bed and sit on the edge, making sure I am not going to crush her feet.
“You want to tell me what happened on the back porch earlier?”
“Huh?” she answers, looking at me strangely. “What are you talking about?”
“Your friend Brad,” I prompt her and I can see when she realizes what I’m referencing.
“He so isn’t my friend,” she says vehemently. “He just said some things that weren’t true. But I set him straight.”
“I saw,” I tell her as I chuckle. “The boy never looked your way the rest of the night. What was he saying?”
Abby slumps down in the chair she’s sitting in and I begin to think she isn’t going to tell me and then I barely hear the words she mutters, her voice low and faint.
“Called me his girl. Then asked if ‘Daddy’ actually existed.”
At that moment, I want to march down to Mr Smart-ass Brad’s house and pummel him. But I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t oust us like that, and really I am just her Mom’s boyfriend so why would I be getting that upset about her daughter being dissed?
Sure I can be upset about it but not to the point of wanting to punch the kid, right?
“Why don’t you come over here so Daddy can give you a proper New Year’s kiss?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.
“But-” she says, looking over toward the door to her room..
“Just a kiss, I promise.” I tell her.
She smiles and slides down the mattress toward me. I watch and wish that I could feel her body underneath mine, that I could bury myself inside her but it is too risky, too dangerous. We could easily get caught by Ben, his friend Noah or even Lisa!
Abby definitely isn't the quiet type when we are having sex. If we would be caught, I’d be out on my ass.
As soon as Abby is within reach, I grab her face and pull her lips to mine. She still tastes of whatever fruity concoction she drank downstairs. The flavor, mixed with the essence that is just Abby, makes it so hard to pull away.
I lick across her bottom lip and she grants me access by parting them and letting me in. What began as just a kiss quickly turned into more as my hands dropped, my palms curling to clutch her breasts.
Abby moans into my mouth and I swallow the noise. I pull away and look her in the eyes.
I open my mouth to tell her how I feel but am interrupted when a knock sounds.
"Abby? Can I come in?" I hear Lisa's voice and I look at the girl in front of me, the one I had just been kissing and feeling up.
'Oh shit!' I think to myself as I scramble off the bed and Abby crawls back under the comforter.
END DEAN’S POV
@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @spnbaby-67 @tftumblin @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam @death-unbecomes-you @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @deanwanddamons @hoboal87 @marvelfanbrenda @vicmc624 @smoothdogsgirl @elliloumom @stoneyggirl @kricketc29
#series#Mommy's (Not So) Good Girl#dean winchester#lisa braeden#abby braeden#ben braeden#dean x lisa#dean x abby#Smut#fluff#angst#supernatural#supernatural fanfiction#spn fic#spn fanfic#season 6
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frame the halves and call them brothers
remus centric, 2,935 wc, ao3
remus meets janus, who proceeds to psychoanalyze him (and virgil is exhausted)
Remus did not wake up early. Or rather, he didn’t like waking up early, not usually. But that morning, Remus woke up with an excited buzz despite the fact he was awake before 8am on a Saturday. He rushed to get dressed, slipping on a flannel that was two sizes too big and had rips in the wrong places, a pair of black pants (the ones Patton loved to describe as his church pants since they were so ‘holey’), and his pair of blue ladder laced Doc Martens. Looking at himself in the mirror he couldn’t help but grin. Contrary to popular belief, Remus took a great deal of pride in his appearance, and to him, looking like the definition of the word ‘punk’ made him very content and happy.
His mom sat at the kitchen table, already in her uniform for one of her jobs. Remus walked over to her and bent down to plant a kiss on her cheek.
“Good morning, sweetheart.” She greeted him.
“Morning.” He replied with a smile that showed off his chipped tooth.
“You’re extra excitable this morning.” She commented and stood from her seat.
“What can I say, I love facing the consequences of my actions.” Remus said, opening a granola bar and following his mom to the front door. She rolled her eyes with a chuckle and grabbed her keys from the hook by the door. The ride to the school was quiet. Remus knew she was still pissed at him, even more so at Virgil and was not excited for him to be around the kid who beat him up. They pulled up to the school and just as Remus opened the door to leave she spoke.
“Please behave yourself, mijo.” She sounded exhausted and looked the part as well. Remus’s stomach knotted when he realized just how tired her whole existence was. He nodded, not trusting himself to talk, and left the car. He watched her pull away with a sort of sadness. He quickly shook away whatever he was feeling and entered the high school. He walked into the gym where Mr. Young was waiting along with a few other students. Remus noted he didn’t see Virgil, meaning he was early to something for once. He sat down on the bleachers and shortly after Virgil walked in with someone Remus vaguely recognized from a few of his classes. The two walked over to Remus.
“I just don’t understand how you can be stupid enough to also get detention.” Virgil said to the kid next to him.
“I don’t think it’s fair,” The other person spoke, “Writing on the bathroom stalls shouldn’t result in this kind of punishment.”
“You wrote ‘fuck 12’, Janus, what the hell did you think would happen?” Virgil asked incredulously.
“Well I didn’t think I would get caught.” The kid, Janus, replied in a grumble.
“You making fun of me for being a wannabe punk when your boyfriend acts like that is kinda fucked up, Hot Topic.” Remus said, inserting himself into the conversation. Virgil gagged while the other kid made a face of pure disgust.
“Never say that ever again, we’re brothers.” Virgil said.
“Oh, fuck, sorry I couldn’t really tell,” Remus said looking from one to the other, “I’m guessing you’re step brothers or something?”
“Actually, we’re twins, I just happened to get all the melanin,” Janus stated and then gestured to the left side of his face where splotches of pale skin stood in a contrast to the rest of his dark complexion, “Virge did have some kind of influence though.”
Remus nodded in understanding and Virgil looked at him with a scrutinizing gaze.
“Please tell me you don’t actually believe that.” Virgil spoke in a desperate tone. Remus laughed a little too hard.
“I know I’m dumb but I’m not stupid.” Remus said. Virgil put his head in his hands and mumbled something Remus interpreted as ‘I want to go home’. He lifted his head and looked from Janus to Remus. He leaned closer to Remus and lowered his voice.
“My brother kinda hates you for punching me.”
“It’s ok,” Remus spoke in a similar hushed tone, “My brother hates me for punching you, too.” Virgil raised his eyebrow but didn’t question any further, to which Remus was thankful. Roman wasn’t a fun topic to talk about unless Remus was making fun of him and right now, even thinking about him was making him upset.
“Ok, kids,” Mr. Young addressed the less than 10 people in the room, “Each of you will be cleaning up the campus. We have proctors all around campus so don’t do anything that will get you into even more trouble. Come grab a trash bag and gloves and hop to it.” He gestured to the pile of garbage bags and boxes of gloves. Each of the kids shuffled over and grabbed their supplies.
Once they were outside, Remus, Virgil, and Janus stuck together and picked up the same area in relative silence. Remus bent down to pick up a half eaten sandwich when he noticed Janus’s shoes; blue ladder laced Doc Martens. He grinned and fully stood up.
“You killed a cop, too?” Remus practically shouted the question and gained the attention of the two boys, along with a few bewildered looks from surrounding students.
“Excuse me?!” Virgil asked, his voice going up an octave or two. Janus looked down at Remus’s boots and then his own, a knowing look on his face.
“Seeing as how this little shit,” Janus nodded in the direction of Virgil, “Beat the fuck out of you, I seriously doubt you killed a cop.” Remus barked out a laugh.
“Half-pint has some moves you wouldn’t believe.” Remus pointed to his tooth and Janus moved closer to get a better look.
“The little raccoon did that?” He asked with amusement in his voice. Remus nodded.
“He pulled my head back and smashed my face into the ground,” Remus recounted the moment with a sense of nostalgia in his voice, “My mouth just so happened to be open.”
“You don’t sound angry about it.”
“Because I’m not,” The grin in his voice was evident, “I’ve always wanted to get into a fight and now I have a way of remembering it.” Janus gave a small smile and Remus counted that as a win.
“Is your nose ok?” Virgil asked.
“It’s fine, kid, no need to feel guilty.” Remus reassured him. It was feeling a whole lot better than the day before, the bruising made it look a lot worse than it felt.
“I still can’t believe you did that, bub.” Janus spoke with pride as he ruffled Virgil’s hair, “I raised you well.”
“You’re barley even a year older than me shut the fuck up.” Virgil’s voice didn’t actually hold any malice.
“Oh, you’re older than us?” Remus asked, adding, “I could have sworn I’ve seen you in some of my classes.”
“Oh, no me and you are the same age,” Janus said with a shit eating grin on his face, “V here skipped a grade so he’s a little baby.” Janus had turned on his baby voice and squished Virgil’s face.
“Get the fuck away from me.” Virgil said and swatted his hands away.
“Awww, little piss baby.” Remus cooed.
“I hate both of you so much.” Virgil said, giving each of them a pointed look.
“You know you love me.” Janus said and wrapped his arms around his younger brother, swaying a little from side to side. Virgil mumbled something into his shirt that made Janus chuckle. Remus watched them and felt a little part of his chest ache.
“You’re not so bad, Remus.” Janus said, letting go of Virgil.
“I’m all sorts of bad, but I appreciate it.” Remus said.
They finished cleaning with a lot more talking and joking around. Remus felt happy having people to interact with who were brand new to his life. It was like a breath of fresh air. Once they were dismissed, Remus walked to the front of the school with the two brothers.
“Do you wanna go over to the gas station?” Janus asked him.
“I don’t have any money on me.” Remus said, shifting on his feet.
“Don’t worry about it, V can buy you a slushie.” Janus said, already walking in the direction of the nearby 7/11.
“Why do I have to buy it?”
“You’re the one who beat the shit out of him, it’s the least you can do.” Janus said and winked to Remus. He snorted. Janus looked over at him and squinted, searching for something in his face.
“I’m flattered, really, but it’s awfully rude to stare.” Remus said.
“You look familiar.” Janus mumbled. Then his face lit up, “You do theatre, right?” Remus groaned.
“No, that’s my brother.” He couldn’t help the disgust evident in his voice.
“Oh, are you two twins?” He asked.
“Sadly, yes.” Remus responded.
“You don’t seem very fond of him.” Remus bit the inside of his cheek.
“We just have a complicated history.” He said. Virgil and Janus both raised an eyebrow and maybe Janus’s joke about them being twins wasn’t too far off.
“Aren’t twins supposed to be, like, super close and shit?” Virgil asked.
“Virgil.” Janus said his name like a warning.
“No, it’s fine, Roman and I are just,” Remus paused to think of a way to describe their dichotomy, “different. He’s the golden boy and I’m clearly not.” Remus said and gestured to himself.
“Comparison creates a divide and causes nothing but harm.” Janus told him.
“That’s the thing,” Remus was starting to get angry, “I was never the one to start comparing. It was our dad who always favored Roman. Roman who does nothing for himself; he people pleases and has no sense of an actual identity. But because he can follow the rules he’s the good twin.” Remus hit the crosswalk button harder than necessary.
“You seem a lot more interesting.” Virgil said
“Agreed.” Remus gritted through his teeth.
“So then, why are you jealous of him?” Janus asked. Remus turned to him.
“I’m not jealous of him.”
“Yes you are.” He stated
“Janus likes to psychoanalyze everyone.” Virgil informed Remus. The crosswalk flashed the little picture of the man walking and the three boys imitated the motion.
Remus thought about what Janus said as the two boys started a conversation of their own. Was he jealous of Roman? There was no way. Roman was self absorbed and egotistical, but only on surface level. He and Roman may not get along too well but they knew each other like the back of their hand. Remus knew how insecure Roman was, always scared of losing his good image, letting himself hide away parts of himself to look less weird. Remus was happier, Remus was unabashedly himself. So, why was he jealous of Roman?
“You ok, Rem?” Virgil asked, successfully gaining his attention.
“Oh, uh, yeah I’m fine.” Remus responded. Virgil nodded and followed Janus inside the 7/11. Remus walked in after him.
“What flavor do you want?” Virgil asked, grabbing a cup and a lid.
“Mix the blue and the Coke.” Virgil made an audible noise of disgust but complied. He wandered over to the chip aisle and Remus went to the back where Janus looked at the cold drinks.
“You never answered my question.” Janus spoke, not taking his eyes away from the energy drinks in front of him.
“I don’t really have an answer for you, I don’t know why I am. If you asked my therapist it probably has something to do with my dad.”
“That’s what all therapists say.” Janus opened the case and crouched down, picking up two cans of Monster.
“I mean, they aren’t wrong, dads are just like that.” Remus accepted one of the cans.
“I wouldn’t know, I grew up with two moms.”
“That’s why you’re so put together, no trauma of having a father.” Remus said. Janus laughed and Remus decided it was one of the prettiest sounds he’d ever heard.
“Why do you need a Monster if you also have a slushie?” Virgil asked, exasperated.
“Extra energy.” He replied, handing him the drink. Virgil rolled his eyes and went up to the counter.
“I don’t think Roman is as boring as you think.” Janus said.
“You know him?” Remus asked.
“I’ve spoken with him a few times, he’s very active in theatre and so am I.”
“So you knew I wasn’t him?” Remus asked.
“He’s interesting in his own way,” Janus avoided Remus’s question, “I think you need to give him a chance.”
“Easy for you to say, you and Virgil seem like perfect siblings.” Remus knew he sounded bratty but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“When I first met him, I absolutely hated him,” Janus started, “I was 11 and suddenly I had a younger brother. I was in a new home and the only familiar part of my life was my mom and even then she had split her time between me and Virgil. I didn’t want anything to do with him. I thought he was weird and too quiet. Poor kid just had anxiety and me and my mom moving in did nothing to help. I had to give him a chance and once I did, we found we were similar in our own ways, but more importantly, we were different. Now, I can’t imagine a life where he isn’t my brother.” Remus looked at Janus in awe.
“Give Roman a chance, he may be completely different than you but what’s so bad about that?” Janus gave him a smile that on anyone else would look disingenuous but with him it was the most open expression Remus had ever seen on anyone. Remus could only nod.
“Is J getting all philosophical on you?” Virgil joined Remus’s side as Janus went to pay, “I keep telling him not to do that to people. He’s so weird.” There was a smile on his face as he spoke, as if just the mention of his brother made him happy.
“You’re one to talk.” Remus knocked Virgil’s shoulder with his own.
“I know the kid who brought a worm into class, claiming it to be his pet is not lecturing me about being weird right now.” Virgil said and Remus laughed.
“I forgot about that, I miss that little guy.” Virgil rolled his eyes with a certain fondness in his expression. He handed Remus his drinks as Janus joined the two. They walked back to the front of the school to wait for Virgil and Janus’s mom.
“It was nice meeting you, Remus, we should hang out again.” Janus said as a way of goodbye. Virgil waved and off the two boys were. Remus stood up and started his walk to his house. He didn’t live too far away and was at his house in less than 20 minutes. He entered the house and found Roman sitting in the living room, watching something on TV.
“Didn’t detention get out like, an hour and a half ago?” Roman asked and eyed the slushie and can of Monster in his hand, a sort of sadness in his eyes.
“I went to 7/11 with Emo and Janus.” He said and walked over to him.
“You know Janus?” Roman asked in surprise.
“I met him today, those two are actually brothers.” Remus laughed at Roman’s disbelieving expression. “I know, it’s a small world.” He handed Roman the Monster. He took it hesitantly.
“I’m glad you had fun.” He said and opened the drink. They were quiet for a few minutes, Remus joining him on the couch and half paying attention to what Roman had put on the TV (it was Hannah Montana; he only watched that when he needed a distraction).
“Why were you so mad when I got into that fight?” Remus finally asked. Roman chewed on his lip in thought before finally responding, voice soft.
“Because I didn’t want you to get hurt. And I didn’t want you doing something you would regret and beat yourself up about later.” Remus felt a pang in his heart.
“You saying you actually care about me?” Remus meant for it to come out as a joke, but the way his voice cracked and went quieter just made it sound pathetic.
“Of course I care about you, you’re my brother.”
Remus took in a deep breath and sipped from his drink.
“I’m sorry.” He said after a pause.
“Dude, are you ok?” Roman’s voice was filled with worry. Remus managed a breathy laugh.
“Yeah, I am. Thank you for the concern, Ro,” Remus smiled at him, “It means a lot.” Remus kept his voice low so it wouldn’t crack, so it wouldn’t push pressure on his throat, so he wouldn’t cry. Roman nodded and turned back towards the TV.
Remus knew it was going to be hard. Roman had always been this ideal his dad set for him, more of an idea than a person. And Remus thought, maybe, he’d always hold some kind of resentment towards him. But Janus was right. Roman was different in almost every way, but he was still himself. In the same way Remus was himself. Eventually, he would come to accept that, but for now, Remus was content watching Hannah Montana on their couch, on the verge of tears, Roman’s head somewhere else entirely. They were a collective mess of trauma but at the end of the day they were still brothers and Remus couldn’t imagine it any other way.
#remus sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders angst#creativtwins angst#sanders sides#sanders sides fanfic#hs au#remus and janus use the lace code#blue means acab/killed a cop#remus and janus are literally the whole 'gay kids meet each other and after 5 minutes overshare'#virgil and jnaus being brothers is my favorite thing btw#this fic was suppossed to b way fluffier#and only suppossed to b virgil janus and remus#but i have an idea for a fic w just the three of them#and it wont have heavy angst lol
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2020 in Retrospect
Hey friend,
I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)
So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!
First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.
Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.
JANUARY. Reunions?
January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.
January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.
January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL.
January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier.
January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice.
January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times.
Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.
February. Blindside!
February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.
February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.
February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL
February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.
February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again.
March. FUCKING COVID.
March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm).
March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well.
April. Wander-fucking-lust.
April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)
April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.
April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music.
April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.
April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.
April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH.
April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.
MAY. Endure. Let Go.
May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!
May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.
May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?
JUNE. Breathe.
June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?
June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body.
June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.
June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.
Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.
JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)
July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT.
July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.
July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good.
July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)
AUGUST. Getting older. Again.
August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.
August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter.
August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!
August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.
August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!
August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.
SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?
September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.
September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake.
September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight.
September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all.
September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.
OCTOBER. Surprises?
October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.
October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.
October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time.
October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.
October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did.
NOVEMBER. Decisions.
November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.
November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable.
November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol
November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.
December. The end of an era.
December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?
December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together.
December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.
December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.
December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.
December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?
December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room!
December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)
December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.
December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).
December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year.
Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it.
“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”
That was intense.
December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA.
I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.
December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:
“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”
“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”
“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”
“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”
Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020.
I’m actually at peace with that.
So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life.
I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?
I say bring it on, 2021.
Until then,
Patheticwithanem
#2020 sucked#2021#perfect timing#reunions#blindside#Survivor#winners at war#metaphors#fuck covid#fuck dds#wanderlust#letting go#fuck the government#philippine government is a circus#folklore#getting older#dear evan hansen#slowly#house search#korean dramas#SENSE8#amor vincit omnia#best conversation in a long time#moving on#nostalgia#mentally checked out#ghosted#i deserve better#blessing#the year in review
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Henry in 2x05 at the dinner at Lorelai's?
Ooooh okay
So Henry’s arrival at Stars Hollow is actually heralded by a fight between Liz and her Current Boyfriend Number Whatever who is at this point helping support the expenses and getting sick of Jess “mouthin off” and both boys “being underfoot and doing nothing half the time but sit around reading they got no respect for me-” ( which is yknow Bullshit bc they’re 17 and 10 but whatever he sucks) And right after there’s a fight between Liz and Jess “Why..hey?! Why are you packing up my stuff??” “You’re going to Stars Hollow. Tomorrow.” “Excuse me?!” “Your uncle Luke, he’ll take ya in. It’s all set up. Oh you boys are gonna love it there-” “Fucking Excuse Me?!!” “Jess can you just for one fucking time-” aaaaand a huuuge ass screaming match later during which he is Very Much Staying In His Room For: “So...I guess we’re moving huh” ( this all happens either before or after Luke is done yelling at Liz over the phone like we see in the episode. Theres just... its a yelling heavy day and then they’re on a bus to the Hollow)
Which leads to him not meeting Lorelai until the dinner because he doesn’t step down from the apartment for the entirety of the first day because of the fight and the whole “being shipped to a relative he’s never met before.” he’s pretty nervous and just stays put where Luke leaves him and also while Luke bought the frosted flakes and “kid food” he didn’t think to specify they were allowed to have it without asking so neither him nor Jess really go for it ( Jess picks him up like a sandwich while he’s scoping the town out) so he’s like really hungry when they go. He’s mostly excited about not having to worry about asking permission to grab food because they were invited and he can just eat what they serve him and also is mildly curious about Lorelai and co. because Luke’s...nice enough and she’s friends with him and the others are friends with her and despite being in a bad mood and not saying much Jess didn’t really say much about her when Henry asked past “she talks a lot” and like everyone talks a lot compared to Jess sometimes so
So they get to the dinner and Henry’s v polite and looking around. He smiles at Lorelai and she at him and his first ( if not lasting) impression of her is “huh she’s actually pretty nice” and like he mostly sticks to Jess because neither’s keen on being apart in a place they’re new at. Unlike Jess though he actually smiles a little when he meets Jackson and Sookie because yeah they’re freaking out about a lemon but it’s...it’s pretty funny. He takes a liking to them and asks Jackson about fruit and is scared kinda looking around and sticking to Luke like glue ( like the questions come out hesitant) but nice to them smiling and trying to talk a bit ( which is like his general setting tbh.)
He sticks with Luke while Jess and Rory meet ( I haven’t decided if Jess asks Rory to bail in this because while yeah he tends to go on his own a lot ( because he doesn’t wanna be around Henry when he can tell he’s angry and also he hated being home a lot and it just became a habit) I don’t think he would do so when Henry’s in a house with A Lot Of Unknown People specially with how I’m interpreting their life with Liz to be in this verse)
The dinner scene is actually v cute with him because it like...takes him by surprise just how homey it all is Luke and Lorelai playfully arguing about the food on Luke’s plate and Sookie talking about this dish and that and Jackson offering up conversation here and there. It’s like a legit family dinner and mostly he’s pretty thrown and sorta just smiles and enjoys it. Rory actually gets him to talk about books since he takes after Jess in that ( though he likes different genres) and mostly he’s just a little kid getting a glimpse at a family dinner and being cute and shy and mirroring Luke ( he starts eating when Luke starts eating he relaxes a bit when he sees how Friendly everyone’s being ect) and coming a bit out of his shell and going “oh these adults are nice and wanna talk to me” and its v cute. I kinda love it. t-t
He’s aware Jess is “getting a soda” but sorta figures Jess either IS getting a soda or is out smoking and will come back so while he’s anxious because Jes isn’t there and he’s alone with people he doesn’t know it’s mitigated by him knowing Jess would not just up and leave with these many unknown people and also like I said they ( Sookie Jackson Rory and even Lore at this point and how homey everyone is and nice and Happy) put him a bit more at ease even if he doesn’t realize it.
I think this is also when some of him and Jess’ past living habits start showing like Henry Demolishes his food but doesn’t ask for more and after exchanging a glance with Luke Sookie offers him more and he -hesitantly- accepts and Rory brings up the books she was reading when she was Henry’s age ( Henry lets it out that Jess read similar books but he likes fiction better and isn’t in a hurry to read Bigger Kid Books even if he Can and Jess ( who always ahead in reading) is always bugging him about how great they are and then Rory goes on a tangent about the merits of Fairy Tales and Fantasy as story telling with Rory doing most of the talking ( and kinda smiling herself at having someone who wants to listen and looks Up to her bc she is the babie mostly in Stars Hollow so hey nice for a change and also she’s just straight up infodumping which is just really fun and even more fun when the person’s interested ( because this might as well be when i mention I hc both Gilmore Girls as ND) ) while Henry smiles again and listens because now he has something to say back to Jess when he pokes fun at his book tastes even if he doesn’t completely catch everything she’s saying bc she’s going full on Future English Major but she makes sure to try to level with him and also wow he really likes Rory and she’s really smart like Jess and she likes him and wants to hear him talk about his books and ins’t that ....that’s really nice and is completely unaware of what looks the adults at the table are giving and its just...Its Very Cute. Listen Im love them.) and then Jackson pipes up ( when he can tell Rory’s losing Henry) with “you know when I was his age mom would just tell us to go run around the farm. We did use to have this ball to kick around though you like outside Henry?” and again Henry’s very taken aback by being Included and talked to like that but it’s?? Nice?? And the food’s nice?? And he’s actually having a good time all things considered and feeling less on guard since he got there and its just A Nice Dinner Wow.
Until Lorelai goes to get the garlic bread/finds Jess.
I don’t think he knows she’s out there talking to Jess or what’s said but with the hypervigilance both Mariano kids have going, he definitely hears Lorelai slams the door ( and he had been keeping an ear out for Jess as well)
I’m not sure if he follows Luke because even if they’re nice he still isn’t in a place he feels safe around everyone or if he gets up After Luke because Jess is missing and a door just slammed and these are things where it’s best to Know What’s Going On And Also What’s Coming but he hears Lorelai’s “that kid is way more screwed up than you think he is.” rant and his opinion of her immediately just falls.
See and here I’m kinda torn because I can see him going “My brother’s Not screwed up! You don’t even know him!” like really upset ( because yeah Jess can be grouchy and moody but Jess Is His Brother and Henry is privy to Why he’s moody and grouchy and specifically “screwed up” are words that really hit a nerve because he’s heard them before from people specifically about Jess and usually it means nothing good for either of them but also “screwed up” just Hurts to hear and Lorelai realizes Henry’s listening and goes “oh crap” and Luke tells him to go sit back down and Then they keep arguing ( though Henry would still listen in on their fight because again Hyper vigilance) or if they just agreed as he watches and then when they hit “Go Find Jess” “Don’t tell Me what to do! I’m gonna go find Jess” Lorelai finally sees him and Then the “my brother’s not screwed up!” line happens
And on yet another hand I also don’t know if he would say it because while “I” would find it cathartic Henry’s character is Highly Not Confrontational like even when he’s not nice he would be scared to confront Lorelai because sassing is Jess’ thing and he’s seen what that can cause to happen yknow? So that I’m a bit fuzzy on.
But either way his opinion of her just kinda really falls really far really quickly ( remembering he was like “oh she’s nice” when the dinner started) and it doesn’t really go away until like after the accident when I have her shape up a bit. It really just sets up Lorelai for him as someone who A) does Not like them ( because to him if she doesn’t like Jess and doesn’t want Luke to take them in then she also must not like Henry and not want Luke to take him in) and B) someone who can Make Luke Send Them Back because their argument reminds him or Liz’ fight with her Boyfriend Number Whatever ( and a lot of past fights like “you know your kids are a hassle Liz.” “that kid of yours’ a fucking punk Liz” “Can’t you keep ‘em out of the house? You know I work all day I pay all the bills-” ) which uh....Ended With him and Jess being shipped to their uncle so it’s not....it’s not great. From then on he’s pretty subdued and only really talks to Lorelai when she inquires things ( and this is the pattern that will continue until Luke and Lulu and Lorelai herself understand some things like he becomes really quiet around Lorelai and Cordial But Monosyllabic to the point shes like “wow they’re really brothers huh” at least once to Luke ( and is a really big contrast to how he is with Luke and Jess and some other people ) and pulls off some incredibly avoidant feats when she comes at the dinner ) and just on top of not liking her a lot from here on out sees her as Someone To Avoid/Someone Not To Be Trusted
Anyways after the dinner all 3 head home and Henry ( when Luke is downstairs doing inventory or counting the till or some other thing) shows Jess the garlic rolls he shoved in his pocket when no one was looking ( another habit he’s picked up) and gives him some and it’s a nice moment between the two. Jess passes him one of his annotated paperbacks in return.
Again ignore the caption gifs are hard to find lmao
Send me one of my OC's + a canon scene from the show and I'll tell you what they do in it/how they fit in
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teenage heartbreak queen (part one)
based off the song teenage heartbreak queen by palaye royale (🅱️ussy 🅱️op)
warnings: literally major angst, mcr trashing (it pained me to write), language.
summary: dom has been in love with his best friend since before he can remember. when yoi start to change after your boyfriend comes into the picture, will your relationship tear you both apart?
part 2
She used to go
She used to hide and not let me know
the school's power couple. that's what everyone called them. it made dom sick to his stomach to his best friend with that dick head. she was so smart and could tell his emotions in an instant but god was she was so fucking oblivious.
Now I wait
While she's in bed and sleeps all day
(Wake up)
things had changed since they had gotten together. the jock of the school and the infamous introvert. he was the definition of a sterotypical teenage boy--played football, rugby, lacrosse. total asshole energy. you were polar opposites but 'opposites attract.' 'maybe that's why dom didn't get the girl.
she sat in the back of the classroom, band t-shirts and skinny jeans. she was never one for parties, preferring to sit at a cafe and listen to live music.
that all changed when they got together. everyone said they would be together forever. eventually she stopped holding dom's hand when she was nervous or excited. she stopped dancing like crazy when she knew people were staring. it all just stopped.
She used to dance
She used to cry as she held my hand
Oh no we used to say
We won't ever change change change
you went to parties instead of staying home with a record player on like usual. you stopped sleeping at dom's house every friday night. you started to listen to trashy rap.
you weren't the same but your mom had known you still listened to the same punk rock songs in your room late at night. she knew you still read graphic novels in your free time. she also knew you only hid those to keep the relationship healthy. and she had told dom this weeks ago because she knew he could get anxious.
I fell in love with my best friend
She fell in love with you instead
'cause she's a teenage heartbreak queen
Oh it's me and my misery
dom missed the old you. as he bolted out of his last pediod class, swarms of students filled the halls. thursday's were hard at school. he usually just wanted the week to be over and done with, and more than anything he wanted to skip friday's knowing you wouldn't be there with him.
he didn't know when he started to feel things for you. he just knew that as sophomores, he was in love with his best friend.
maybe it started when he moved and you were the first person to talk to him. maybe it was when he fell on the playground in second grade and you cleaned up his cut. maybe it was when he first came to your house in fourth grade and showed him all your band posters on the walls.
I fell in love with my best friend
Now she is sleeping in your bed
'cause she's a teenage heartbreak queen
Now it's me and my misery
dom saw you closing your locker so he ran through the crowd of teenagers and teachers and smiled brightly once he got to you.
"hey n/n!"
"hey dom," she said awkwardly, her boyfriend latching onto her arm. dom's smile slowly faded as he realized you weren't as excited to see him as he was you.
It's not the same
The way she used to say my name
Now she's strange
"wanna come ova' tonight? we can dance to three cheers fo' sweet revenge all night," he laughed knowing it's your favorite mcr album (wink wonk).
he saw you smirk and that small gleam come back to your eye bringing a matching smile to his face.
It's outta hand 'cause something's changed
Something's changed
She used to dance
She used to cry as she held my hand
Oh no we used to say
We won't ever change change change
"i'll be over at si-"
"that lame album? that's some gross emo music. babe, do you really like that shit?"
"i guess not really," you shrugged as you felt a burning pain in your chest as those words slipped your mouth.
"good, cause we're gonna go for a drive tonight." just as he was about to walk away, he leaned down to your ear and whispered, mocking dom's accent just loud enough for him to hear, "and not with pretty lil' london boy."
once he walked off, the look in dom's eyes gave you an aching pain. he swallowed back the lump in his throat, running a hand through his hair, in an attempt for it to look neater but failed as it fell back in front of his eyes.
I fell in love with my best friend
She fell in love with you instead
'cause she's a teenage heartbreak queen
Oh it's me and my misery
"m-maybe some other time," he managed to spit out before turning away from you. you grabbed his hand which always made dom's heart flutter, but this time, he simply looked at your hands and slowly pulled his back to his side.
"we can still hang out tonight. what's the big deal?"
"the big deal is 'm fookin' in love with ya for years and ya don't see how much it kills me every time i see ya with him. he doesn't deserve ya and he's a total twat. the way ya feel when your favorite song comes on the radio is the way i feel whenever i'm around ya," his eyes were glassy but he wiped it away with his sweatshirt sleeve.
I fell in love with my best friend
Now she is sleeping in your bed
'cause she's a teenage heartbreak queen
Now it's me and my misery
"dommy i didn't realize," tears almost fell down your cheeks but you wouldn't let them.
"of course ya didn't! cause you're obsessed with him. when was the last time ya slept over? and don't even get me started. ya love mcr, and because he said it's shit ya suddenly hate em'!"
"that's not why i said it," your voices were slightly raised as the dismissal bell rang out through the hallway.
"then why?" dom screamed.
"because-"
"because why? because ya love him?" he spat. you didn't say anything more. you didn't need to. you simply walked away and out the school doors knowing that your best friend now hated you.
dom stood in the same spot. did i just lose my best friend? she just walked out. a few tears had fallen and he couldn't hold them in. tightening the straps on his backpack, he went out the doors you had been just a few seconds ago and made his way home.
I loved her madly but she went away
I can't believe that she won't see my pain
Though I'm not with her, I have lost my mind
I love her madly 'til the end of time, no
he didn't call that night. he just let whatever happen, happen. everyone had been concerned about you since you had gotten into the relationship.
dom just stared at the ceiling, occasionally humming a song that popped into his head. the sounds of the heater ran through his ears, a scented candle (oops) filling the room.
I fell in love with my best friend
She fell in love with you instead
'cause she's a teenage heartbreak queen
Oh it's me and my misery
his cell phone began to ring and he took a deep breath before answering call.
"'ello?"
"hey. can i come over?"
"uh," dom looked to his right at the bedside clock seeing as it was 10:45 (22:45), "it's late?"
"sorry, i didn't mean to bother you i just--nevermind."
"no, tell me."
"i just need a dom hug."
"come over whenever," he sighed into the phone then hung up.
even in an argument he couldn't have just left you hanging. no matter what he promised himself he wouldn't leave you.
I fell in love with my best friend
Now she is sleeping in your bed
'cause she's a teenage heartbreak queen
Now it's me and my misery
part 2
A/N: hehe cliffhanger. i'll post part 2 when i can! i've had this in my drafts cause the song was stuck in my head for so long. also, sorry this is so angsty.
side note: i'll properly tag it tomorrow.
#mcr#yungblud#fanfic#emo#yungblud x reader#palaye royale#yungblud fanfic#dominic harrison imagine#dominic harrison fic#dominic harrison imagines#dom harrison imagines#dom harrison x reader
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752
Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No, my girlfriend is super laidback and in fact she’s always the one encouraging me to go out and try new stuff with other people.
Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No but that doesn’t sound like a very nice thing to do either.
How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? In a romantic sense, once. I’ve had my heart crushed in other ways as well, like when a loved one dies.
Who last grabbed your ass? It’s definitely Gab but I don’t remember when that was. It’s been a while.
Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah man, I was big on that from 2016-2017. If I remember correctly I had a short lapse last year too, which is disappointing.
Do you get a 'Good Morning' text from someone every day? Not everyday but often enough. I like them; I do feel like I need greetings like those more so these days since I haven’t gotten to see anyone other than my family for two months now.
Do you have any gay family members? I honestly think I do but my family is so secretive about everything, from family drama to who has a terminal illness to sexual orientation. I will probably be the first one to publicly come out, if everything goes right in the new few months.
Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? I got it from one of the independent clothing stores in Feliz. They sold all these really cute tiny halter tops for only ₱80 each ($1.60)?!?!?! which was wild so I went ahead and got like four, and one of them is what I’m wearing at the moment. I’m so desperate to be outside, or at least, feel like I’m outside, so I’ve taken to wearing the clothes I’d wear in public right at home loooool.
Do any of your friends dislike each other? Yes lmao it’s hilarious. Andrew (who’s part of the newer wave of members in our org) has never been able to win over my OG org friends – Jo, Kate, Aya – so it gets super awkward when both ~generations~ get together in org parties. Since I’m everyone’s friend I always have to divide my time between groups or tables so that I get to spend time with everyone :(
Who is your last missed call from? It was from Angela’s mom, who called on the morning of my birthday to greet me. I feel bad about missing the call but you have to know that I hate getting calls from anyone other than Gabie, so when I woke up to my phone ringing I just rolled over to the other side and let the call pass. I did thank her profusely once I was properly up though.
Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? This was me last night. As a journalism major, I felt very helpless seeing ABS-CBN get off the air at 7:47 PM and even more helpless when I saw so many people rejoicing over their shutdown, with absolutely no regard for the 11,000 employees who have just lost their jobs. Times have been hard enough in the country because of the government’s poor response to the virus, and now one of our biggest sources of news and information has also been silenced. It was enough to make me shut down last night and I just couldn’t do anything, couldn’t think properly, couldn’t even talk to my girlfriend.
Was your first kiss romantic? I’ve always thought it had been more awkward, but when we got to talking about it in the past my girlfriend apparently found it very romantic and sweet.
Do you miss any of your ex's right now? No ex.
Have you ever overdosed on anything? I have not.
What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? Look two questions above.
Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed? No one texted me before bed but I did get a text upon waking up this morning; it was Andrew. I’m guessing they saw that I deactivated all my social media last night because they texted their concern for me and told me they were gonna be there for me if I needed anyone to talk to.
How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? One.
Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? Answered this in a survey but yeah, Maroon and Black.
What are you most likely to go to jail for? Ooh I dunno, I’m honestly such a goody two shoes skskksks. Does answering back to the police count? That’s the legit worst thing I imagine myself doing.
Where was your last kiss? Near my car. I was leaving Gabie’s place and she walked me to my car, and I gave her a kiss before I left.
Who was your date to Prom? My cousin. I didn’t give a shit about prom during my junior year since I was super infatuated with Gabie then, I was already seeing her, and I still had no guy friends, but because prom in my school was mandatory attendance I just pulled my favorite cousin to be with me that night.
Do you still talk to your first love? Yeah, I’m still with her to this day.
Whose wedding did you go to first? I honestly don’t remember since I was gotten as flower girl so many times as a toddler. I do have photos of being a flower girl when I was 3 and at least, that’s the oldest-documented wedding I was in. I don’t know whose it was, but it must have been a very distant relative since I only went with my paternal grandparents and absolutely no one else from my family, not even my parents lol.
When is the last time you went to the beach? Nasugbu, August 2019.
Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast? For sure. April was a fucking blur.
Are you ashamed of anyone you've dated in the past? No but my friends have always made me feel like not dating Mike was a bullet dodged. I dunno what to think of it though as I barely knew/know him.
What about anyone you've been friends with? Mostly no, since former friends were important to me at some point and to be ashamed of them is to throw away the good times we did have, but I do prefer to dissociate myself from Athenna. Her behavior has turned so rotten in college and she badmouthed Angela and made her miserable for a very long time; it’s like I have no clue who she is now. Apparently people in her school also think she’s a fucking weirdo, so that has just made me all the more confused about what’s happened to her through the years.
Have you ever made out with someone in a pool? In the sea, yes. Not in a pool since there’s always kids around.
What are you doing this weekend? Same thing I’ve been doing the last 51 days I guess: have late breakfast, take several surveys, maybe take a nap, continue my Spanish lessons, play with my dog, take more surveys, maybe meet some progress on my thesis if I feel mentally capable to work on it.
Who’s the last person that slept over your house? I think it was Gabie. I’m really the only family member that brings over someone at our place for the night haha, and it’s usually Gabie.
Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Yes.
Have you ever kissed someone with a tongue ring? No but this did remind me of when I used to have a big crush on CM Punk, who used to have a lip ring hahahahahaha.
Is it hard for you to get over a lover? As a demi, I imagine it would be very hard as it would also be losing a best friend.
Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? I wouldn’t say that. I have a couple of close friends though.
Was your mom ever a stripper? No.
Do you regret any of the relationships you were in? A little bit. I wish my first relationship with Gabie ended months sooner than it actually did. The last few months of it were just us beating around the bush and physically avoiding it each other in school; it was a huge waste of time.
Have you ever tried making someone jealous? Yes, that’s what I did when we ^ finally broke up. By the time we broke up I had long accepted that the relationship wasn’t working and I was already doing a little fine, and I was well enough to do stuff to make her see that she was missing out. It’s high school pettiness so I’ve forgiven myself for it lol.
Would you ever get a boob job? I’ve definitely thought about it but idk. I’ll have to be rich enough to want to allot money for plastic surgery because it’s not very essential for me.
Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Because of her.
Who is the last person you flirted with? Just my girlfriend.
Whos the most racist person you know? Probably my mom. She has said some eyeroll-worthy stuff about the Chinese throughout the lockdown and I remember she initially had a negative reaction to my cousin Joelle when she introduced us to her black fiancé. I do know she’s a bit scared of me because I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out on her racism, so thankfully her statements have lessened over the years.
Do people ever compliment your eyes? Not really. It’s not a strong suit.
Have you ever lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend? Eh, just about small stuff like lying about not being hungry.
When is the last time you saw one of your ex's? Gabie was my ex at one point I guess? I last saw her March 7th.
Who was the last person you hung out with? Also Gabie. She was the last non-family member I saw before the whole world fell apart, basically lol.
Which one of your ex's do you hate the most?
Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No. I never understood why it’s a big deal for a lot of couples and I’d genuinely like to hear a good reason why. We don’t watch porn together but Gab and I would definitely watch some on our own time and it hasn’t affected our relationship or sex life at all.
Out of everyone you kissed, give me the initials of the best kisser? I’ve only kissed one person and she kisses amazingly, so GAD.
Do you regret a lot of things you did in the past? No. Just some small stuff here and there.
How many people have you kissed this year? One.
How many people has your best friend had sex with? One.
How long have you known the last person you kissed? I have technically known her since 2002, but we didn’t know each other and become friends until 2011.
Do you think one of your friends is a slut? No. One of my former acquaintances was and I’m so not saying that in a judgy way lmao she can fuck whoever she wants whenever she wants, but I don’t really talk to her anymore + she’s no longer single.
When is your birthday? April 21st.
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Amazing dream I want to make a book
I had a dream last night of a slightly different world than the one I live in. It was extremely vivid and I don’t want to lose it so I’m posting what I can remember here. So instead of being born where I was, I was born in a town further north in Texas and it was called Ritz, Texas. It had white rock gulleys and restored 20’s hotels and a thriving music and arts community and a huge diversity of people, like to the point there were embassies for countries like Cyprus and Armenia and Cameroon etc. I had lived a similar life except my mom was the superintendent of the school district and had her doctorate and my dad was a freelance programmer and I was a total punk like I’d dreamed of being. Like tatted up, crazy hair, androgyny, the works, and I even worked in a record store and knew like the underbelly of town. Lastly, my brother was still dead but he had died much more mysteriously than in real life. Instead of an accident, he was found dead in a campsite, beaten but not lethally so and had had a heart attack even though he was 20 (he’d made it a bit older in this world).
So the story starts with my folks and I doing a seedy investigation (which was routine for us apparently in the year or two after my brother had died) of some of the mysterious circumstances of my brother’s death (namely we were trying to figure out what gang or underground op had beaten him) and were led to find some strange things that ultimately don’t stick, except for finding a boy who was suspicious there. He was Cypriot and Iraqi. His name was Makshika, which is I’m sure a nonsense name my brain came up with because I don’t know anyone who is Cypriot and Iraqi and so don’t know a name to come up with for him and would want to give better justice to him if I wrote a book. He was gorgeous, skin like caramel, eyes like the dead of winter and jet black hair. He was a rap and hip-hop kinda guy and dressed accordingly.
At the point I met him, he was suspicious where he was because he was acting real shady and secretive (I find out later he thought he was in a sort of secret cruising spot, but he definitely wasn’t) and so I go to act like someone he’s supposed to meet to get information from him and he gets spooked as we talk and bolts. I kinda catch hold of him at a registration office of some kind and prove I can be trusted because I keep him from getting into a situation where the (I think) drug running manager (for some reason he has no name, but I think he was Ukrainian and that was important for some unknown reason) had his two lieutenants, both names Vinnie and with biceps the size of Matty’s (the boy I mentioned earlier’s nickname which I know doesn’t make sense) head, beat him.
Some time skips and we’re secretly dating, which is how I learn he’s Cypriot and Iraqi and Muslim and that he’s very much in the closet because I think his family is super old school and would not approve. In the dream he is like the love of my life though. Like I intend to find a way to run away and marry this boy. So I do anything I can to help him keep the secret, including attending a dance with him as my date in like full drag and he looks just as gorgeous all feminine as he does all masculine and hip-hop and I know I’m lost in the sauce on this guy. He has to run though because he sees my mom for the first time at this dance and recognises her: his mom works at the Cypriot embassy and particularly works with my mom on education stuff.
So he has to run because he can’t chance that she recognises him as my date (she knows I’m dating a boy and that he’s there in drag to preserve his identity but she doesn’t know who he is exactly) and I have to pick up a shift at the record store with some jerks I don’t like and I’m all distraught (some time has passsed since the dance and I haven’t seen Matty) when Matty comes in in drag. You can’t recognise him as Matty but you can tell a bit more he’s in drag as he hasn’t been home in two or three days and so hasn’t taken any of it off. The jerks start making fun of him and I square off immediately saying that’s my man and I’ll thank you to not say anything untoward. Matty gets a little bit uncomfortable at being semi-publicly called my boyfriend but relaxes a bit cuz he knows he doesn’t look like himself either.
Then the jerks try to start a fight and I thoroughly kick their asses (Matty assists by dumping a milk crate of records out and bashing a guy who has me in a headlock with it). The manager comes in and asks what happened and I tell him they started something with.... I think we agreed to call him Missy while he was in drag so people didn’t catch on it was him..... and that I needed to get him out of there and take care of some things. Manager wins boss of the year and let’s me out to go get Matty into his real clothes at my hideaway by taking him down a sneaky route but his brother catches us while he’s making a deal for pot (he sells it). So we have a heart to heart and Matty’s brother agrees to keep us secret because while we were wrong about him and probably a cousin or two, the rest of his family definitely wouldn’t be accepting.
Fast forward again because I’m missing some in between events but Matty and I are on the run from his folks and mine are trying to find me cuz I’m their last son and they think I’m making a mistake chasing a boy with a family that hates us both (and also I think because they’re Christian and want me to marry Christian as well) and wants me to leave him. Hassan (Matty’s brother) calls us ahead of time in secret (as does my friend Amanda from the record store who is only introduced at that point in the dream but seems awesome and deserves more than a disembodied voice cameo if I write this as a book). Suddenly he’s calling us and he’s frantic as hell saying “Matthias (I just remembered that’s his actual name while I was typing this and it makes so much more sense that his nickname is Matty now) you have to run! Baba is coming your way he figured out I was lying for you and he’ll be there soon!!”
We pack up camp and start racing to get things back in the truck we’ve been living out of when a man walks up to us and just yells out, “Matthias!!! Stop!!!” And he and I both freeze and slump and turn around because we’ve been caught. His dad’s here and that means he rest of his family isn’t far behind and neither are my folks. Matty gets this brave burst and just grabs my hand and says, “Please, Baba, I love him.” They both cry and just stare at each other before having a heart to heart I can’t remember most of, but his dad agrees to let us go and live life and promises to stand our families down as long as we never come back to Ritz. We agree. There’s a lot of tears and I call my mom from a payphone to tell her to stop looking for me, if she wants to know me anymore she’ll know me with Matty after what’s about to happen. I think his dad fakes our deaths to the city and his mom accepts it as truth even though he lets her in on the truth. It hurts Matty a lot.
Fast forward again and it’s two years later and we live in some big city somewhere (I wanna say either DFW, Chicago or San Francisco but I’m not sure). Matty has done some mocha brown highlights in his hair and wears sundresses every so often because it turns out he likes them. I’ve gotten him one in every colour imaginable because I started working at a recording studio as an audio tech and I make pretty good money now (as does Matty, he works for a Streetwear/Retro line of clothing as an advertising manager). We have a really cute house in a quiet part of town together. On Sundays I still go to church and he regularly attends a local mosque (both progressive enough to our standards of course, we’ve dealt with being chased out enough thank you). Matty has also come out as enby (like me) but still uses he/him pronouns (don’t remember why, but who am I to ask him? Those are his pronouns thank you). His father visits us from time to time with Hassan (his father’s been doing some growing over those two years but he still is a little awkward about the whole thing). I’m walking on my way home and take a box out of my pocket, open it to see a ring as gorgeous as my love, and then close it up and put it back in my pocket as I go to enter our house. Then I woke up.
It was so vivid that it took several minutes to remember that this was not my life and that my boyfriend Justin existed and I’d never fallen in love with a boy named Matthias or who even looks like Matthias. I want to write it as a book but do my research and make it more coherent. Obviously I’d do more research cuz I just don’t know much about a lot of the cultures mentioned, but I want to do this story justice. Would any of y’all read that?
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End of Season 3
Last one! Then I’ll shut up until October
Episode 51: Moving Into Dorms
•”I won’t make you worry, Mom” Izuku don’t life to your mother like that
•”She reminds me of my predecessor”
“What why?”
“It’s the hairstyle” All Might asbsjienb
•I LOVE THESE KIDS SO DAMN MUCH
•I genuinely just want like a spin off of the kids in the dorms. Like them just being super powered teenagers living together and being KIDS like. Please. Living with all your friends with powers? What could go wrong...? Think of the shenanigans
•Aizawa laying down the hammer wow
•I. Love. Kaminari. Jirou leave him alone
•BAKUGO AND KIRISHIMA I LOVE THEM OKAY
•Kirishima is Best Boi
•Uraraka falling over from shock the entire time and Iida freaking out is so cute
•MIDORIYA’S ROOM IM CRYING
•Tokoyami’s is badass leave him be he tried so hard
•Mineta no
•Leave Ojiro alone he’s comfortable
•Kaminari’s room is literally any teenage boy room. I knew at least 4 guys who had a room almost exactly like that lmao
•I FORGOT KODA HAD A BUNNY
•The girls are outnumbered. Hate when Mineta’s right
•Bakugo is such an old man he’s already asleep I love a sleepy sad Boi
•Mineta:”I knew I’d get in trouble if just I suggested seeing the girls dorms now I have people to back me up!”
Todoroki:”I’m over it”
•Honestly Kirishima’s isn’t that bad y’all are just mean (except you Uraraka you get it)
•”If I found out my boyfriend had a room like this I’d dump him” HAGAKURE WHAT THE HECK
•Shouji... honey. Your bed isn’t even made. And they thought Ojiro’s was plain
•Okay Sero’s is cool “yup that’s me, always the wild card” god I love you
•Todoroki’s is so cozy
•Sato is so. Sweet lmao we need more of him
•Jirou is so punk I LOVE HER
•Hagakure. So. Pink
•Mina. So. Hot Pink
•Ojiro is so polite he’s so good
•I need Momo’s bed
•LMAO SERO WRAPPED UP MINETA WHEN HE WAS BEING PERVY WE LOVE TAPE BOY
•YEAH SATO WON
•Intervention time
•Tsuyu is so pure she deserves so much
•YALL MADE TSUYU CRY IMMA FIGHT
•KIRISHIMA APOLOGIZING AND SAYING HE WONT MAKE HER SAD AGAIN WARMS MY HEART they’re all so pure
Episode 52: Create Those Ultimate Moves
•Mido forgetting he was in the dorm is kinda cute he’s like wait this isn’t my room at home
•”That’s 2 questions. Calm down” Iida it’s too early for this and Aizawa is a tired man
•Everyone’s so intense. Then Mido is just like...I can’t move my arms what the fuck do you want from me
•”How can I fight with these damaged arms?” Well everybody told you NOT to break your bones, Deku
•ALL MIGHT HAVING A TEACHING FOR DUMMIES BOOK IM CRYING
•Lmao they just blew up Midoriya
•Nobody:
Mido and Uraraka: BOOOOOOBS
•”I’m Tenya Iida, the man you tricked into to being a walking billboard for you at the Sports Festival!”
“NEVER HEARD OF YA” Hatsume has no chill
•Hatsume doesn’t know personal space lmao
•”My quirk is in my legs you mad woman” Iida is done
•AND MIDORIYA JUST REALIZED HE HAD LEGS LMAO
•Mido is so soft for his mom’s costume I love it
•Bakugo is literally trying to kill somebody
•”If I’m so worried about using my arms then I’m use my LEGS” what happens when you break your legs again honey THINK
Episode 53: The Test
•Gotta protect those stupid red shoes
•I live for Kami’s choker. But Kiri you added sleeves. But still. No. Shirt. Honey
•Tsuyu’s hair up is *chef’s kiss*
•The girls talking about boys like regular teenagers I love it
•”ITS A BOY ISN’T IT IS IT MIDORIYA OR IIDA YOURE ALWAYS HANGING OUT WITH THEM WHICH ONE IS IT” Minaaaaaaa lmao she doesn’t mess around
•Cue Uraraka watching Deku lmao “it’s not it” SWEETIE YES IT IISSSSSSS
•Inasa is Iida x1000 and with WAY too much caffeine
•Erasure is too emo for love lmao
•”Think about it Erasure, if I was your wife your future would be a life of constant laughter”
“That sounds like a legitimate nightmare” god I love this grumpy man
•I do love Joke and Aizawa’s “friendship” if you want to call it that lmao
•IT’S DEKUS TWIN
•”This charming pretty boy is going to steal our girls” You’re right Kaminari he is
•”Please date me”
“Shut up” I’m both Ms. Joke and Aizawa
•Aizawa has so much faith in his class he’s like I’m not worried about my little shits just watch
Episode 53: Shiketsu High Lurking
•JIROOUUUUUUU
•”PROTECT THIS PERV” Mina is my favorite 1A girl I’m not sorry
•Shindo is slutty Deku and I love him
•I am the commentator wow
•”I don’t know why but I’m actually getting pretty excited about this” of course you are Midoriya you big quirk nerd
•”In order to help others you have to be able to take care of yourself” DEKU SAID SELF CARE
•”Midoriya what is this enviable situation you fight yourself in” Serooooo why
•We’re gettin some good Sero content thank god
•Lmao there’s a ninja school
Episode 55: Class 1A
•Todoroki is. As you say. A Badass
•Inasa:”Wait what were we talking about!?”
Poor Random Kid:”I don’t know. You just came up and started talking...”
•This is literally Anime Hunger Games
•Shouji holding Tsuyu is. So pure
•SHOUJI YELPING AND TURNING AROUND WHEN MOMO OPENS HER SHIRT TO USE HER QUIRK HES SUCH A GOOD RESPECTFUL BOY
•The power group we don’t deserve: Momo, Jirou, Tsuyu, and Shouji
•KAMI AND KIRI FOLLOWING BAKUGO MAKES ME SO HAPPY they love to annoy him and it works but they work so well together love Bakusquad
•GOOEY KIRI IS GROSS LMAO
•Aizawa basically saying Mido and Bakugo are the leaders who help the class work better the most and that he’s honored to teach them is PEAK
Episode 56: RUSH!
•Sooo Shindo’s a sneaky bastard I see
•”THIS IS WHY EVERYONES TERRIFIED OF YOU YOU’RE WAY TOO HARDCORE” Kaminari’s right and he should say it
•I need more Baku and Kami interactions tbh
•”Those ugly ass gauntlets of his” love sassy Kami
•DEFEND BAKUGO SQUAD IS AIZAWA/KAMI AND KIRI YES I LOVE MY BOYS
•Oof Mido takes no prisoners
•It does suck that if you don’t pass the Provisional License exam do you just never get your Hero License? Do you only get a set amount of times you can take it?
•Iida has grown so much
•Bakugo knows your secrettttt
•Jirou says fuck Kaminari lives lmao
•GO CLASS 1A ALL OUR KIDS MADE IT
•Aizawa shut up you big softie lmao
Episode 57: Rescue Exercises
•Sero why are you starting shit lmao
•Kirishima and Kaminari following Bakugo just because they want to is my favorite
•Momo stopping Uraraka from acting too quickly is great leadership skills. All these kids have what to takes to be heroes they work so well together and in situations like these I love these kids so much
•Shouji and Mineta are a good team because Shouji keeps Mineta in line and I appreciate it
•The fake bystanders are hilarious
Episode 58: Special Episode: Save The World With Love!
•All Might and David Shield (GAY)
•Bakugo why are you like this
•Midoriya is a giant softie romantic and I fucking love it
•All Might as a villain is just funny he gets so into the roll but he’s also just a bad actor lmao
•Mic needs to tone it down but he’s so funny
•I like Cementos a lot and Midnight is an A1 actress go her
•All Might running away and shattering the kids idea of love is so fucKING FUNNY LMAO
•Nice way to set up the movie
•UNLCE MIGHT
•GAY
•The timeline of this episode is throwing me off tho since this is before Midoriya moves into the dorms
•DadMight and Deku family vacation SO CUTE
•”You are the real heroes” THEY’RE SO PURE HOLY SHIT
Episode 59: What’s the Big Idea?
•Bakugo you need to calm down babe
•Gang Orca came to play damn
•Todoroki and Inasa are so chaotic together oh my god
•Gang Orca is just like what is up with these damn kids
•”It was a shock to meet your father because when I looked into his eyes the only thing I could see was an insatiable anger aimed at the entire world” imagine being raised/trying to live with that hatred, Inasa
•Lmao Todoroki triggered Inasa into not coming to UA. Endeavor loves ruining kids lives doesn’t he
•TELL EM OFF MIDO
•Inasa is so. Weird
•”Why didn’t I remember him? He’s so loud and obnoxious” You were so blinded by hate for your father that you were literally blind to other people in your way sweetie
•LMAO JUST CHOKE A CHILD THEY’LL GROW STRONGER
•Highkey love Shindo ngl
•Team Work Boys come on
•Ojiro my fuckin BOYYYY
•OHHH TSUYU THATS MY GIRL WE LOVE POWER MOVES
•Love Hair Dude
•Gang Orca’s actually impressed wow
Episode 60: A Talk About Your Quirk
•Mido passed yesss All Might Jr lol
•Bakugo and Todoroki. Whomp whomp
•B:”Let me see it [review of the exam]”
Kiri:”Ahh how about you worry about yourself”
Kiri’s like please don’t kill me
•Sero:”Hey looks like I’m pretty great at this” I love you Tape Boy
•I love how Iida just picks Mineta up by his cheeks and takes him away from people when he’s being too much lmao Dad Mode Activated
•Inasa and Todo are such an interesting dynamic. I haven’t read the manga but I know the make up exam happened recently and their interactions always make me laugh
•Kinda forgot about Toga but there were hints that it was her the whole time so it’ll be cool to actually meet Camie later on
•Holding his Prov. Hero License:”I have to show my mom and All Might right away” Izuku I love you precious boy
•oh my god One For All shut the fuck UP
•”I won’t be dying any time soon. Especially not by Shigaraki’s hand” if that is foreshaDOWING IM GONNA CRY IT BETTER NOT BE HIROKOSHI
•”We’re gonna have a talk about your quirk” I’m ready to CRY
•Kiri sleeping is so cute I love his hair down. And Iida sleeps stiff as a board I’m laughing reminds me of a friend of mine
•Bakugo please just. Breathe
Episode 61: Deku VS. Kacchan, Part 2
•MY FAVORITE EPISODE YALL
•Kacchan Hon, Deku doesn’t live just to get in your way in life believe or not
•Bakugo DEFINITELY kinda planned on killing Midoriya AHH
•”Why hurt each other when we could just talk things out?”
Bakugo tries to blow him up instead
•The flashbacks are killing me they were so small
•Bakugo’s voice cracking while talking about his anguish and self blame? That shit HURTED
•When he yells like this he looks like a feral wolf oh my god Kacchan
•Kacchan needs a hug. Too bad he doesn’t understand being comforted by other people. So instead Izuku KICKS HIM IN THE FUCKING HEAD WHAT THE FUCK
•Feral Bakugo has been Leveled Up
•”Our relationship to one another is completely screwed up” Oh really Mido what made you think that
•These kids wanna fuckin die
•”It’s obvious you’ve always looked down on me even when we were kids” Bakugo you are a BIG DUMB BLIND BOOMY BOY
•Okay but the animation tho???
•”All Might was my hero but you were the one ACTUALLY IN MY LIFE” WHEN I SAY I SOBBED
•When Bakugo’s crouched and ready to strike, Me:”MA THERES A WEIRD FUCKING CAT OUTSIDE”
•A wild Gremlin is loose Aizawa and All Might come get your kids
•FUCKIN KO BOI
•lmao whoops never mind
•my favorite MHA ship? Bakugou and Therapy
•ALL MIGHT YOU LITERALY JUST WATCHED THEM PUMMEL THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER BRUH
•Bakugo blaming himself for All Might’s retirement? Kill me
•”Sometimes I forget that you’re children” apparently everybody does THEY’RE 15/16!!!
•”Don’t you dare lose again” you are. So confusing
•Baku’s little exhale tho he had so much weight on his shoulders this poor boy
•”If this secret ever got out, people will wonder where the power went. You idiot why did you tell me about it before” Deku’s like I can’t win with him lmao
•THEY’RE PROPER RIVALS NOW I LOVE 2 IDIOT CHILDREN
•Aizawa with his hair in a ponytail and black V neck tho? Oof when I say I love a man...
•Aizawa is done with this class and these 2 problem children in particular lmao
Episode 62: A Season For Encounters
•My boy Twice
•”Your face makes me want to puke” you get used to it rando villain dude...or noT DABI NO
•Dabi. Babe. Bruh. What the fuck
•Twice and Ectoplasm have similar quirks...TODOROKI WHERE ARE YOU
•Overhaul. I’m gonna hate you so much I can tell. Especially for Season 4 I KNOW YOU you creepy Plague Doctor Asshole
•Kirishima trying to comfort Todoroki is adorable
•MONOMA WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS LEAVE PONY GIRL ALONE DON’T DRAG HER INTO YOUR BULLSHIT LMAO
•SHINSOUUUUUU “looks like he’s bulked up a bit since the Sports Festival” my boy gettin BUFF since he knows Midoriya could’ve killed him if he wanted to lmao
•Kami playing with Ojiro’s tail gives me life
•...You ain’t nothin but a Hound Dog Lmao
•BIG THREE. BIG THREE. BIG. THREE. MIRIOOOOOOO
•God I love Present Mic
•Sero and Mineta are asking to die I swear
•IIDA CALLING MIDO “HOUSE ARREST” AND DOING A FUNNY VOICE IM CRYING I love sassy Iida where has he been
•The first time I saw the scene of Mirio sticking his head through stuff to scare Mido was on Tumblr before I watched MHA and I was CACKLING AND CONFUSED
•The broccoli head was strong in that frame
•THE. BIG. THREE. AHHHH
Episode 63: Unrivaled
•Sometimes I forget how fucking gross Mineta is. Then he opens his mouth and it all comes flooding back
•”He didn’t do that great a job at the Sports Festival last year. Definitely left a strong impression” being buck ass naked will do that lmao
•I relate to Amajiki Tamaki so. Fuckin. Much. I feel you sweetheart
•LET! SHOUJI! TALK!
•Kaminari you dumb
•”The futures gonna be!?... Awful” Wow. Mirio gets it
•Tamaki if you could get off the wall you could do what Mirio’s trying to teach these kids I love an anxious boy
•Big Tough Boi Kiri is both badass and soft I love a Rock
•Aaaannd Mirio traumatized a bunch of kids with his dick. Mostly Jirou lol
•Aizawa your whole class was just murdered by a wild naked man
•Mirio has a baby face TinTin but is fucking JACKED
•”I tried to make it so that you didn’t see my willy. Sorry if you did” Mirio you’re so cute I’m going to bawl in Season 4 I’m not ready
•Mirio walks so funny
•...who the fuck is Sir???
•Kiri bringing Baku his trash: “Sure I’ll take it!”
Anybody else bringing Baku their trash:some kind of aggressive phrase
•Oh, you. I heard about you. I know what happens to you... this is gonna hurt, huh?
Whelp that’s the end of my rewatch. I can’t wait for Season 4! Is it October yet???
#mha rewatch#mha#my hero academia#bnha#boku no hero academia#long post#part 6#spoilers#i cant wait for season 4#...i thinn im homna read the manga#...and i might rewatch the movie and do another post like this#we’ll see
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the melodramatic beginning of my climactic end
There are, quite honestly, about a million other ways I had hoped to gain notoriety... and by a million I mean, like, five. Six, tops. Looking back, avoiding my own inevitable would’ve been easy – a literal push; a click, a tap, the fucking pushing of a fucking button (sorry, potty mouth). All I had to do was keep my mouth shut; keep my shit private just as I always had. I had worked so hard to get where I was – where I hopefully still am – and while some people may have deserved at least some part of what they got, some were just the worst kind of collateral damage. To the latter: you will never know the extent of my regret, nor the level at which I now self-loathe. To the former: I’m still sorry, even if you do suck a little.. I know, I know I’m getting ahead of myself. On that note, I suppose I should start from the melodramatic beginning of my climactic end – my self-imposed downfall, my very clumsy swan dive into public humiliation. Here goes; try not to hate me too much.
Oh, I’ve changed the names of people and places, but the rest is - unfortunately - the truth.
“Well, it’s over! It’s done!” Judy, very melodramatically, intoned while frantically waving her arms, “Edgewood has officially gone to hell in a handbasket!” I have only just walked into the back door of the bakery and tea house the two of us own together, but I can already tell it’s going to be one of those days – to be fair, most of them are. “Well, don’t stop now, give me all the dirt!” I know I’m baiting her, but it never stops being fun. “They robbed my silverware tree!” she offered by way of explanation – the “silverware tree” as we now call it, is the tree that we are forced by the town of Clydesville to have blocking our front door because we live in Tree City USA. We decided to make it festive by hanging all of our gold-plated silverware that was too pitted for use (we are fancy, after all) and everyone had already come to terms with the simple fact that we might as well just throw that silverware in the trash, because once it was out there it likely wouldn’t stay very long. “Well, don’t let them ever say we don’t give back to our community.” Being flippant probably isn’t the best approach to the situation, but we are nothing if not sassy here. “Thanks for taking their attack on my decoration seriously” she sighed “I guess I should just be thankful they were careful not to trample my english garden while they robbed me blind.” “You’re right, I’m sorry, I should’ve taken this more seriously” I held up my hands in a placating gesture, “more importantly – who had bets on it lasting less than a month?” Before she even had time to feign offense, the victor was ready to claim their spoils. “That would be me!” the victor in question being my friend, and co-worker, Lawrence; or as we all prefer to call him, Law, “E-e-easiest five bucks I eva made!” he took the time to not only grab his prize, but do a somewhat embarrassing dance while doing it, “Ooh, wait, give it to me in singles – I WANNA MAKE IT RAIN.” “Five singles isn’t enough to make it rain, Law.” I retorted knowingly – honestly because we have tried to do it countless times, and failed miserably. We have the slow-motion videos to prove it. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was your personal mission to rain on EVERYBODY’S parade today, Kat. Don’t let me stop you, want me to tell you about my hopes and dreams so you can shoot them all down while you’re at it? Yeesh.” He and I have been friends for so long, this type of back-and-forth is just par for the course. As a matter of fact, if I’m not mistaken, we are actually cousins. It is Wayneswood County, after all, literally everyone is related. “As long as your so-called hopes and dreams don’t involve proposing to yet another girlfriend, I’m pretty sure I’ll be supportive of them” I know it’s a low blow to hit so early in our little game, but I really do have a reason for coming in to the store today. You see, Law is what we call a ‘habitual proposer’ – he’s been engaged to four different women (only married to one) in his ripe, young age of twenty-eight. “aye-aye-aye, kick a man when he’s down, why don’tcha?” he pounded a closed fist over his heart in an attempt to make me feel bad. “I’m not saying I didn’t know it wouldn’t happen, but I just thought people would be nicer. I should know better than to place any expectations on humanity anymore. Oh, well – at least I’ve got more silverware to hang up. No more soup ladles, though, the dredges of society apparently needed to serve some broth.” Judy interjected, still trying desperately to hide her disappointment. “That or prepare a whole lot of crack!” I jovially added, making a show of shrugging my shoulders and forcing a tight smile. “Prepare. Prepare?” oh, here he goes “Uh, excuse me, yes Geeves” Law was getting into it now, affecting a posh accept and holding his pinky in the air “prepare us crack, good sir, make it our finest vintage!” “Soooorrrrryyyyy I don’t know all the hip drug lingo, friendo. I must’ve missed that issue of Street Youth Monthly.” Admittedly, my joke’s weren’t always the cream of the crop. After receiving looks of pity for my attempt at being pithy, we fell into our daily routine of treading water and getting through the daily deluge of afternoon teas, ladies having lunch, hipster parents trying to force their kids into liking fancy things and the general public needing sweets to keep calm and carry on. “Our 2:00 afternoon pushed to Wednesday, and changed their reservation time to 1:30.” Judy explained – at the end of the day we all sit down and compare calendars, make notes on scheduling, and make sure we haven’t over-booked ourselves too terribly much. “Okay, perfect. I got a form submission for a 12:00 highest on the 26th.” I added, looking over my most recent crop of e-mails. “Hmmm” Judy furrowed her brow in concentration, “No, that won’t work, we’ve got a party of 15 at 12:00 for a Bridal Shower Tea, see if they can move to either 11:00 am or 2:00 pm. Those are the only availabilities.” “I’ll go ahead and e-mail them.” I responded, tapping a few keys to bring that promise to life. “We will need someone on June 9th, we have that big pastry order for the store anniversary at Belk.” Judy flipped her calendar, and for the first time I truly realized how close to the end of May we were. “I also have a wedding that Friday, so we will definitely need to schedule a lot of help because I’ll be down for the count just filling those two orders.” I’m the Pastry Chef, so I shoulder most of the actual baking responsibility, but I always make sure that only I do the wedding cakes. I’m very, very particular about the wedding cakes. “Can do. Law, can you make yourself available?” “Already planning on it, boss.” My friend was nothing if not dependable. “Y’all know I ain’t got shit going on otherwise.” “Thanks, my dude. Did you buy your tickets for the Front Bottoms yet?!” we had only been talking about going to see them for, oh I don’t know, a million years now. I needed him to stop dragging his feet and commit to going with me already. I hate going places by myself, especially Asheville. “ohmagod, do you want me to buy the tickets in front of you? Do you want me to purchase the gahdang tickets right frickin now so you can watch and make sure I do it, MOM?” like I said, the back and forth never stops with us. “actually that would bring me great pleasure.” I said, a smug smile taking over. “FINE.” He yelled, while pulling out his phone with more dramatic flourish than I probably deserved. After a few enunciated taps, he announced he had indeed purchased the ticket (showing me the text for proof) “You’re driving my ass there I hope you know. And buying me a beer – Wicked Weed is right next door and I’m not about to take on a buncha teenage FB fans without some liquid assistance.” “I’ll do you one better – I’ll buy you a PRETZEL to go with your beer.” I’m feeling very magnanimous, obviously. The day ended as does every other – with our tiny crew barely holding it together, and counting down the last five minutes like we were in Time’s Square watching the ball drop. Unfortunately for me, though, keeping up morale until 5:00 wasn’t going to be my biggest problem of the day.
The drive home was especially short for me, considering I lived less than a block away from the shop. Yes, I choose to drive - you haven’t been on these mean streets at 3:00 am. I put my little Honda in park, and tried to get all the groceries in one go, something at which I seemed to be failing miserably. Reaching for my key, usually hanging from the tiny cupcake keychain my boyfriend’s niece got me for Christmas a few years ago, I was shocked to look down and see nothing more than a broken bead chain. Sonofa – “NOOOOOOO not again!!!!” I whined, loudly. Cute it may be, practical it was not – I had lost my house key more times than I could count at this point during our five-year stint in our little Edgewood home. Micah’s car was here, though, so I could at least just bang on the door until he let me in. “MICAH! MICAH I KNOW YOU’RE HERE, LET ME IN YOU PUNK.” -bang bang bang- -bang bang bang- “I SWEAR TO CHRIST IF YOUR’E SLEEPING THROUGH THIS I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU. YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET THIS DOOR OPEN” -bang bang bang- At this point, my hand was starting to hurt desperately, so I decided that –naturally- the best course of action was to begin kicking the door. However, one can only punch and kick a door for so long before one decides one looks like a crazy person and the neighbors start peeking out their windows. I pulled out my phone to begin the task of calling him until he answered, but after the fifth call of incessant ringing, it started going straight to voicemail. Huh. I mean, that’s probably nothing right? “Hey, it’s Micah, I’m either busy or just can’t get to the phone right now – either way, leave me a message and I’ll call you back… or I won’t. Later. Beeeeeeeep” “Micah, what the hell? I’m sitting outside, freezing, alone, getting really shitty looks from our very terrible neighbors, I lost my key – again. Yes, I know. Your car is here, so I don’t know why you’re not, but I guess just let me know whenever you can. I love you.” A knot began twisting in the pit of my stomach – our relationship would never be described as “stable” or “healthy”, a fact that my friend who was currently going to school to be a therapist (whatever that’s called – therapy school? Therapist school? How-does-that-make-you-feel school?) was always very quick to point out. “If someone really loved you, they wouldn’t make you feel this way.” “If he really loved you, he would make you a priority.” “People in healthy relationships don’t end up crying on their friends’ couches this much.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. We started dating when I was young – honestly, no frontal lobe development whatsoever – and we got way too serious way too quickly. What would you do if you were 19 and your boyfriend’s mom made you promise to take care of him on her deathbed? Yeah, that’s right, don’t judge me; maybe I should’ve left years earlier, but sometimes the hardest thing is to do is scream for help when your lungs have filled with water. So, I sat there. I sat on that porch for five hours and twenty-seven minutes and you can bet your ass if my watch counted seconds I would know those, too. Finally, the darkness was punctured by a harrowing halogen beacon, said beacon not being attached to any car I immediately recognized, but at this point a literal prostitute could’ve been driving him home and I wouldn’t have cared – the need to urinate was all encompassing and entirely overbearing. A slow roll, the sound of the door opening and quickly closing, a decidedly female voice offering promises of meeting again soon; the soft crunch of glass-flecked grass from when he accidentally broke two of my solar lights but never bothered to clean it up, the rattle of keys being removed from the same front, left pocket in which they always rested. “’bout time.” I slurred – admittedly, at some point during my wait I had decided to crack into the beers I had purchased earlier. And by “crack into” I mean “drink all of”. “jesus!” micah whispered, jumping back and assuming what I can only imagine was meant to be a defensive position, “Kat? What are you doing out here? Christ, you scared the SHIT outta me!” “Oh, no… are you slightly inconvenienced? Oh, oh, no… I would hate for your date to end on a sour note.” “Date? Oh, seriously, Kat? Really? You’re gonna get mad about me for hanging out with an old friend?” Micah’s mood immediately turned, and I knew it could only be headed in one direction. “Don’t bring him up.” I warned “For fuck’s sake” he huffed “so you’re free to throw my female friends in my face whenever you want, but I can’t bring up your so-called… what is it that you call him?” he asked in a mocking tone “best friend forever? Your little bestie? Bestie Bitch?” “Seriously, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Besides, that’s different.” I argued – the same argument we’ve had time and time again. “Oh, I do know what I’m talking about. I don’t give a shit that you guys have been friends since you were in diapers or whatever you want to claim – that guy is in love with you; he would be at the front of your line, and you know it.” He sneered “God, Micah, when are you finally going to admit that you’re unhappy? When will you stop trying so desperately to make ‘us’ work?” I pleaded, practically on my knees – because, damn, I was druuunk. “When will you?” I can’t explain what happened next, because never in my life have I been that person – the one who is strong enough to walk away, the one who can say no. I can only thank the Stella gods for giving me the distinguished courage to stand up – for, arguably, the first time in my life – and have the self-respect to finally walk away. “Now.” I blinked, suddenly realizing what I was saying, gathered what remained of my groceries (that I hadn’t eaten or drank) and stood up, ready to take the first step. Ready to make a move solely for myself, without worrying about someone who had never spent a day worrying about me. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Back up… what?” Micah kept doing this ‘I can’t believe this is happening’ blinking and head shaking combination, probably unsure what to do in a situation where I wasn’t a complete pushover, “say that again? I had to hear you wrong.” “Now.” I said again, much more forcefully, “I’m done. You’re done. We’re done, that simple. I’m leaving – I’ll, uh, come back sometime to get my stuff. I’m taking Penelope and MacGyver.” “You’re serious? Oh, you sweet, simple little bunny… just like that? Just… done? Where do you think you’re gonna go?” he had turned condescending, and I was not there for that. At. All. “I told you to stop calling me that, you ass. I’ll find somewhere to stay – so many people have been begging me to leave you and offering their homes as shelter, it’s not me I’m worried about.” “Well leave your key, I don’t want you sneaking back in here and taking my shit.” Oh, Micah, you always were unnecessarily paranoid. Looking back, it was probably the drugs I didn’t know you were taking. “I lost my key – if you answered your phone, you’d know that.” “Are you sure you can’t stay – we can talk this out?” “There’s nothing to talk about, Micah. We’re done. Now, get the hell out of my way, I’m leaving.” “You can’t drive, you’ve been drinking… you have to stay.” He had a point, and I’m honestly super terrified of breaking the law, but before he had even finished his sentence, I had my phone out and was halfway to dialing the only person I could consistently rely on. “Kat, baby? What’s wrong?” he answered – he always answers. “I’m sorry, Phoenix, I know it’s late… I just” oh, no, the tears. The tears started happening. “I don’t give a shit what time it is – you can call me day or night, you know that – you just never call.” His voice had taken on a tender quality, probably in response to my sobs. “I, uh, I… ah, fuck, can you come get me? Please?” “Absolutely, where are you?” “Ho-“ Micah cast a harsh glare in my direction, “… um, Micah’s house.” I corrected myself – this place hadn’t ever really been my home, anyway. “… is that a new place, or a new name for an old place?” I could hear his hesitancy – I didn’t know how to approach this situation, how could I expect him to? “It’s the same address… just a different situation.” I didn’t really want to get into it, considering Mr. Glarey McGlareson was still shooting eye-daggers at me. “Give me ten minutes.” “Don’t speed.” I attempted to sound stern “Kitkat, I’m coming to pick you up from what I can only assume to be your now ex-boyfriend’s house, I’ll be there in ten minutes or I owe you a bag of chips.” “I’m timing you.” “You’d better.” “Well isn’t that just precious – you’re moving on mighty fast there, Kitkat.” Micah sneered as soon as I hung up on Phoenix. “Seriously? Don’t. Just, don’t. I’m not the one who got dropped off by another woman.” I warned, but it was hollow – honestly, whoever she was, call that bitch up and I’ll thank her myself for being the impetus for this conversation. Micah decided it would be better to not wait with me, and I couldn’t have agreed more. He told me he would call me when he felt comfortable with me getting my stuff – I told him I would be by to get my cats by the end of the following week. He snorted some semblance of an agreement, walked up the two-steps to the small porch, stalked through the front door and ended the entire conversation with a slam. Nine minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, Phoenix’s truck pulled up in front of the 1940s bungalow I wouldn’t sleep another night in. How magnificent. “Jesus, P, how fast did you go?” “What do I need to load? What’s the game plan?” he clapped his hands, rubbing them together like he was either about to do some manual labor or concoct a dastardly plot to take down that do-gooder, Dudley. “I’m sorry, game plan?” I asked, still pretty tipsy, considering. “Yeah – let’s get this done, move you out. Why wait?” “Well, for one, it’s like three in the morning. For two, this wasn’t planned and I haven’t even packed a single shred of anything. I’m not ready, I’ll just come back.” “What’s in your hands?” confusion echoed across his handsome features. I mean, sure we’re only friends, but I can appreciate a good lookin’ guy, you feel me? “What?” I looked down, because honestly I had kind of forgotten, “Oh, groceries.” I shrugged. “That bastard let you go to the grocery store before he broke up with you?” “Hey! Who says he broke up with me?” “Kat, girl, it’s you…” head cocked, twinge of guilt, but ultimately not a wrongful assessment “Yeah, well, ya girl grew a pair tonight. My bitch ass left his bitch ass.” Sassy really isn’t my forte, but I gave it a go. “Oh, now I need to hear the full story.” Behind my head I heard a window crank open, that particular window was in the kitchen which looked directly out over the portion of the front yard in which we were currently standing. Phoenix and I both turned from the intruding noise. “Seriously, guys?” Micah deadpanned from the window – his hair was askew, his eyes red, and a cigarette was hanging from his lips “DON’T SMOKE INSIDE” Phoenix and I yelled in unison, looking at each other and giggling like schoolgirls “Yeah, my house, my rules, now seriously fuck off.” And with that little nugget, he stalked off to probably watch porn right in the living room because apparently the house was now a lawless land. “I really hate that guy” Phoenix noted “I really know you do.” “What were you thinking?” he whined “I have asked myself that every day for the past 5 years.”
The drive to Phoenix’s house took decidedly longer than nine minutes and thirty-seven seconds, probably because we took back roads so we could listen to music longer – something we had always done. There was always singing, usually dancing, and more than a few times there were tears. After minor protest, he helped me carry in my groceries. Unlocking the door, he flicked on the light to reveal the home he had been pouring his heart into renovating for the past two years. The coffee table was new – he built it. “Just put the groceries on the counter and I’ll help you put them up.” He whispered “Thanks – I would say we could just toss them and start over, but these are kind of my only worldly possessions right now, and I’m a little attached.” I whispered back, because duh. “I understand – it’s hard to not get attached to…” plucking a random box out of my bags, “tender whites popcorn.” He said, still whispering. “Hey, P, did you get a roommate?” “Hell, naw, why?” “Why are we whispering?” “Ha!” he laughed, louder now, “in my head we were sneaking into one of our parents’ houses. God, sometimes in my head we’re still teenagers.” He was clearly reminiscing. “I wish things were still that simple.” I released on a sigh “Well, do you wanna sleep or talk?” he was never one to tiptoe around the delicate “Honestly? Sleep. I promise I’ll give you the full story over the coffee you make me in the morning “God” he snorted “you will never change, huh?” “Here’s hoping.” “Wouldn’t want you any other way. The guest room is made up, you know the way, I’m hitting the hay. If you need anything, keep it to your damn self because I’m sleepy. Love you, bestie.” He gave me a quick hug – because even after being friends for most of our lives, neither of us was particularly physically demanding “I love you, too, P. I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks for saving my ass, again.” “Anytime, KK.” We parted ways, him walking to his master bedroom, and me walking to the guest bedroom situated directly across the short hallway. He paused at his door, and looked back at me “Kat?” I paused, and turned as well, “yeah, Phoenix?” “…welcome back.” “Where had I gone?” “Nowhere good.” The pain was obvious on his face “You’re not wrong, bestie. You’re not wrong.” “You’ll get through this.” “I always do.” “I’ll be right here.” “… you always are” I added before finally closing my door. I guess, in a way, I was back. Like waking up after a deep sleep riddled with nightmares, full of monsters and shadows holding you down and filling you with a sense of inferiority. I suppose, in some small measure, this was one of the first monumental moments of clarity in my fog-riddled existence. I only wish I had stayed up my upward trajectory, stayed full of hope and happiness, kept the lightness of losing a boyfriend-sized weight. Ah, well, I wouldn’t have much of a story to tell then, now would I?
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