#but also i am REALLY deeply overstimulated from the last several days

[ghostzzy]

tics??? we’re having tics now??

[megistusdiary]

giving tighnari an aphrodisiac while you’re hanging out so he’ll sleep with you cause you have a bit of a huge crush on him, but you severely miscalculate how long it’ll last for so you end up stuck underneath him, pussy aching from his neverending thrusts and his cum flowing out, telling you how much he’s in love with you and your cunt and hoping that this never ends. mission accomplished?

ok sorry i have been gone so long. i actually just finished a monster of a chem report and i am in the mood to write so lets do this >:)

this turned out really long my god- i got really into meaningless plot and dialogue i am so sorry, there's like 1 minute of smut.

also, because i like to keep it consensual, we are gonna say tighnari was already dtf and he knew exactly what those petals do 😏

warnings: rough-dom!tighnari and sub!fem anatomy/pronouns reader

aphrodisiac usage (reader didn't know it was an aphrodisiac she gave tighnari), overstimulation, a lot of cum (unsafe sex 👎), biting, mating press, friends to lovers 🥵🥵, fingering/oral, also mentions of venti because he is your mondstat friend but he is wild

"and you're sure this is legit?" you asked, brows furrowing as you observed the petals in your palm.

"of course i'm sure, are you seriously doubting a professional?" venti grinned as you pursed your lips. "guaranteed to make even the most stoic swoon." venti pressed his hand to his forehead dramatically.

"alright, alright, i trust you." you carefully pocket the preserved blooms as venti eagerly bounces on his heels. you sigh deeply. "okay, one bottle on me, but that's it- diluc charges an arm and a leg these days."

it had been about a week since that conversation on your last day in mondstat. you originally went for research purposes and catching up with some old friends. sure, you expected a few souvenirs but not 'love blooms.'

you inspected the petals on your desk, trying desperately to focus on your reports.

when you told venti about your little (massive) crush on tighnari, venti was delighted to help you in the most venti way possible. by offering you flowers that make your crush fall in love with you.

because what other advice would that bard give?

you had your doubts, but part of you was intrigued to find out if they were real. you didn't want to test the tea on just anyone in case these blooms really did have some magic in them. or maybe you were just overthinking this. what if-

a soft knock on the wood of your door stirred you from your thoughts as you jumped up from your desk, knocking some of your papers off the surface.

"come in!" you call out, seeing tighnari peek his head around the corner of the wall. "tighnari! what are you doing here?"

tighnari greeted you with a small wave, carrying a basket in his arms. "i apologize for intruding so late, i originally meant to drop this off earlier. but you were asleep when i came by, and i didn't want to disturb you." tighnari smiled sheepishly, and you missed the soft blush dusting his cheeks in the low light from your lamp.

"oh, that's fine! it's great, no worries." you laughed awkwardly. "so, what's in there?" you pointed at the basket as he carefully opened the top.

"collei made it for you. she was feeling good this week, said it was the cooler weather and fresh air. she collected some herbs and fungi, and i think some tea leaves she received from a friend visiting liyue." tighnari mumbled, sifting through the contents.

"tell her i said thank you-"

"you could always come over and tell her yourself, you know. being a messenger is hard work for a forest ranger." tighnari teased.

you smiled at him fondly, shaking your head. it wasn't that you didn't want to visit, on the contrary. you were just terrified of embarrassing yourself in front of tighnari and collei.

"well, i am free tomorrow afternoon, if that's an okay time?"

"sure, i would check with collei first, but i'm positive she's already asleep." he hummed, ears flicking atop his head.

you let the quiet linger for a moment before you cleared your throat. "since you came all this way, would you like to stay for some tea?" you suddenly panicked, reminding yourself it was almost dark out, and tighnari would surely want to go back home as soon as possible. "well, i mean, it's late, so that was a stupid thing for me to suggest. sorry."

"actually, if you don't mind having me, i would love to share some tea. i didn't bring anything to drink on the trek here, and i am embarrassed to admit i'm a bit parched." tighnari's tail curled up as you nodded.

"sure! have a seat, anywhere you like- just maybe not on the chair with all my stuff on it, sorry for the mess." you awkwardly shuffled towards the kitchen, pulling the kettle out to start boiling a pot of water.

and then, the wicked little voice of venti popped into your mind.

now would be the perfect time to test out those petals.

you blinked twice, eyes shifting over to your desk where the petals sat. you smacked your cheeks, shaking your head.

no, that would be a bad idea. you don't even know if they're legit. and what if they're actually poison. can you ever really trust venti's judgement with love potion flowers?

you took a deep breath, instead focusing on rummaging through your cabinet, allowing tighnari to slink around your room unnoticed.

he smiled softly as he gazed at your handwriting. it slowly got sloppier as time went on, hand cramping from writing page upon page.

the ink bottle he had purchased for you from inazuma sat on your desk, almost empty. he made a mental note to purchase more the next time he had the chance.

you had lined up your favorite pens and quills on the desk, your notebooks at the side, scratches and rips on the cloth covers, and-

petals?

tighnari arched an eyebrow, glancing over to where you were in the kitchen, busy with digging for decent tea leaves.

he carefully picked the package up, bringing it up towards his face to waft the scent into his nose.

familiar and sweet. the saccharine petals had an aroma he had smelled before, though not from any plants in sumeru. it seemed familiar, like something from mondstat. perhaps he had read about it. something about legends.

tighnari frowned, deep in thought, tail bristling when he finally remembered. of course, mondstat tales of lovers. these flowers brought good luck for couples and those attempting to court their desired partners.

but why would you have them unless-

unless you were trying to court someone? tighnari frowned deeper at that thought.

his ears perked up as he heard you close the cabinets, walking into the room as he quickly situated himself on a chair, neatly folding his tail across his lap.

"sorry it took so long!" you smiled awkwardly. "it's brewing now, it'll just be a few minutes."

"take your time, don't stress yourself out over tea." tighnari shook his head, mentally cooing at your adorable expression when you scratched the back of your neck.

you glanced over at the desk, eyes focused on the petals as you thought of a way to get them without tighnari noticing.

of course, the minute you glanced away, he knew.

and that must mean-

you intended to use them on him? oh, tighnari wished he could say something.

but oh, was he intrigued to see where this path would lead...

and so, he conveniently stood up, excusing himself to the restroom and allowing you to rush and add the petals to the tea. he could hear you clumsily dumping them into his cup, crushing them up.

it was almost endearing in a way to think you wanted to use a love potion on him. how could you not realize you had tighnari wrapped around your finger.

if you had asked tighnari sweetly enough to visit mondstat with you, he would have. if you asked tighnari for another inazuman ink bottle, you'd have one by the next morning. if you asked tighnari to carry you back to his home to visit with collei, he would be more than happy to find a way to do so.

he waited just long enough for you to figure out the petal situation before walking out, adjusting his hair and tail. "oh, is the tea ready?"

"yes, you have perfect timing as always it seems." you laughed as tighnari sat down across from you.

you lifted the kettle, carefully pouring two cups of tea, setting the kettle down and moving his cup to his side. "there we go. i hope you like it- when i was in mondstat i got some flowers for the tea. my friend says they're supposed to be very sweet, and they make tea smooth." you lied through your teeth, praying to the archons that this love spell somehow did work.

you watched as tighnari lifted the cup to his lips, blowing on the liquid before tasting some. it was indeed sweet, unlike most of the bitter brews he makes. "it's very good. a unique sugary taste. maybe i'll have to visit mondstat myself." tighnari hummed, taking larger sips of the tea and watching as your eyes grew comically wide.

"wow, i'm glad you like it so much!" you raised your cup to your lips, feigning a sip as tighnari pretended not to notice. you brushed the hair away from your face, feeling hot as tighnari leaned in closer towards you.

your lips parted, though no words came out as tighnari's nose touched yours. "can i ask you something?"

"anything." you breathed out.

"did you really feel the need to give me a love potion? isn't it obvious i already like you?"

your mouth dropped as you scrambled backwards. "what- i, no, no i didn't- well...it's not what you think, i'm so sorry-"

"i'm not." tighnari shrugged, downing the cup. "i was waiting for you to realize how much i care for you. it isn't easy coming all the way here, you know. especially when it's dark. it isn't easy getting inazuman commodities or fancy sweaters from snezhnaya, you know."

tighnari's words made your face feel hot as you pressed your palms to your cheeks. "why didn't you just say something before?"

"because you're cute when you're flustered." tighnari admitted, surprised at his own boldness. maybe those petals really were affecting him differently due to his anatomy?

you let out a gasp, watching tighnari slowly approach you, crawling closer, almost like a predator stalking his prey.

"tighnari-" you called out to him, feeling him lean over you. his body was warm, radiating heat as you suddenly shook out of your stupor. "tighnari, you feel really hot- i mean warm! you must be sick or something, oh archons, what if i poisoned you. stupid, stupid, i knew i shouldn't have trusted venti." you tried to pull tighnari up, yet he wouldn't budge, instead firmly gripping your chin and tilting your head to look him in the eyes.

"i can tell that love potion isn't doing what you thought it would hm?" tighnari dragged his thumb across your lip, feeling you lean closer to him. "i planned this whole trip to confess to you, honestly. but i think this is a lot more exciting, don't you?"

"tighnari, i've never seen you like this before." you admitted, eyes starry as you gazed up at him. your thighs rubbed against eachother slightly as tighnari suddenly closed his eyes and groaned.

"fuck, i can smell your arousal." you watched as tighnari's pants slowly formed a tent, ears pressed back to his head.

his eyes opened, looking slightly different than before. he almost seemed feral in a way as he suddenly began tearing off your clothes, claws ripping through fabric as you clung onto his shoulders.

he pressed feverish kisses into your skin, pulling your core down against his lap and rutting against you while stripping your form.

how you ended up on your back, knees pressed to your chest was anyone's guess.

you had already come once from him fingering you, licking at your clit and rubbing against your g-spot in the most perfect way, sending you over the edge quickly.

now, he had you underneath him, cock pushing in and out of you at such a rapid pace it had your head spinning. tighnari was mumbling under his breath, almost growling as he fucked into you harshly, heavy balls slapping against your skin.

you cried out for him, tightening as he came deep inside of you. it was thick, dripping out of your hole as you tried to take shallow breaths, gasping as he suddenly started moving again. "what-"

"oh, someone miscalculated their dosage, hm?" tighnari laughed, pressing down harder on the backs of your thighs and fucking you with fervor, grinding into your sweet spot until he had you coming around his cock, trembling beneath him.

he gave you barely any time to recover, playing with your clit and fucking you faster as you sobbed for tighnari, body teetering between extreme pleasure but overstimulation.

you cried out his name, feeling his teeth press along the column of your neck. you arched, allowing him full access to the skin as he hummed his approval, biting down into your skin with the intent of leaving his mark.

you felt him collect the mix of your cum leaking around his dick before coming back to play with your clit, feeling your body shake as he threw you into another orgasm that sent him into his own, filling you up again. his cum leaked out from your hole, though he tried to use his dick to plug it up inside you.

tighnari growled, discontented with the way his cum flowed out of you. "it has to stay in there-" he huffed, beginning to fuck you again as you whined.

"tighnari, wait! slow down- i-"

tighnari silenced you by pressing a deep kiss onto your lips. "it's okay, dear. it's alright. you can take it, i know you can. be a good girl." he smiled, pressing deeper into you, gripping your body and leaving indents from his nails as he grinned wickedly. "good girl."

[apocalypticgargoyle]

Hi I need to ask a favor of you... Can we get like,,, the reader trying to set cc!dream up with a friend of theirs and he actually likes the reader so we get like dream trying to say that he likes the reader. Idk if this makes sense but I just want a dramatic like "ARE YOU DUMB" moment. Thank u, I'll exit the stage.

Okay so long story short, I had a series about Dre that I was going to write (like a million years ago even before e!k) and I tuned up the confession scene because it fit with the request. Idk idk. It was back when I was having my romance novel phase. N E WAY. happy reading :) ♡ g

𝐄𝐆𝐎 & 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍. ♘ 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

± warnings: language, angst, being so overdramatic, mentions of rivals to lovers, being in a shower, kinda cringe ngl

Dream eyed you over his glass from across the table, his legs long enough that he was invading your space beneath the surface. His green eyes burned into you, which you attempted to let roll off your shoulders innocently. Your friend was talking up Sapnap, completely destroying your plan put in place. It seemed like Dream could tell what you were up to as well, and by the look he was sending your way and the tension in his shoulders, you could tell he wasn’t in the mood for it. Sapnap asked the girl beside you how she was doing in her classes and before he could boast about his own achievements, you butted in. “You know, Clay’s ranked fourth in our sociology class.” Dream rolled his eyes as your friend’s brow perked at your statement.

She cracked a grin in his direction. “Oh really? You some kind of a genius?” She joked, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

Dream chewed the inside of his cheek and folded his hands together on the table, uncomfortable now that you had shifted the subject matter to him. “Uh, I wouldn’t say that. It’s an intro course so…” he mumbled. She hummed in response and he wet his lips.

You jumped into the small bit of silence. “Come on, don’t downplay! He’s also helped me pass calculus last year,” you boasted. Dream shut his eyes briefly as if it were taking every ounce of his being not to scold you. You didn’t care.

“That’s awesome! I’m actually a mathematics major,” your friend eased. “Maybe if you are some kind of genius you could help me figure out homeomorphically irreducible trees sometime,” she jousted with a small wink. Dream chuckled and you thought maybe… finally… they were clicking. You knew you were right, you knew they were a perfect match. Dream just had to put forth a bit more effort.

Dream’s eyes flashed to you again briefly, as if a symbol of telling you he’d kill you for pushing this. “Oh, I don’t know anything about math really, but Sapnap knows a lot of the math professors,” he turned over with a soft smile, sending your friend back into Sapnap’s metaphorical tract. The two started rambling to each other and Dream shot you a dirty look. “Cut it out,” he bit, barely loud enough for you to even hear. You took this as a challenge.

Another round of drinks came to the table, Dream had yet to completely finish his first as it seemed like something was weighing on his mind. You had gotten into the habit of picking up every subtle tick he had and picking at it. You silently listened to the conversation between Nick and your friend as it wound down, giving you the opportunity to strike up something else about Dream. “So Clay, what was your beer pong average last semester?” You asked, taking a sip from your straw innocently.

He sent you a deadpan expression, but Sapnap answered for him. “Oh, trust me, Clay’s the one you want on your team at every frat party,” he praised. You knew how much your friend liked the whole idea of winning pointless party games.

“I think it’s time I walk you home,” Dream mumbled after standing before you could answer. You followed him out of the restaurant, sending your friend and Sapnap an awkward grin. They had barely noticed anyway; too caught up in their own conversation. You jogged a bit to catch up to Dream as he shoved his fists in his pockets. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He grumbled.

You furrowed your brows, nudging his arm playfully. “What do you mean? I’m trying to get you laid!” You chided. He rolled his eyes again. “Loosen up! Come on, she’s pretty isn’t she.”

Dream sighed deeply. “Of course she’s pretty. Just quit with meddling in my sex life,” he hissed.

You laughed mockingly. “You are so tightly wound!” He pushed the door open to your building. You could tell you were pushing his buttons as he pursed his lips instead of firing something back at you. “You’re such a killjoy,” you joshed, pinching his side.

He swatted your hand away, attempting to ignore you. “Quit.”

“Fine, whatever. Go home and make fast with your hand.” That was it---the last push.

Dream grabbed your arm and yanked you down the hall behind him. You could practically see the steam rolling off his shoulders as he turned a corner and you began to grow tense. You knew he'd never hurt you but the sheer anxiety of what he was going to do next weighed on your conscience. Had you gone too far this time? You'd pushed him past his limit before, but he'd never taken you with him when he needed to remove himself from the situation.

You were shocked as he threw open the door to the communal showers, your brows knitting together in confusion as you began to claw at his hand. "Clay, stop! What are you doing?" You gritted, struggling against his grip. He threw open one of the stall doors and tossed you inside, your back hit the linoleum tiling with a quiet thump and you glared at him with scolding eyes as if to bite ‘don't you dare touch me’ into his skin.

He pursed his lips as if his anger was threatening to boil over and he turned the knob behind you, instantly soaking you and your clothes in freezing water. You painstakingly jumped for the dial and he grabbed your arm again, pulling you inches from his face. "You need to cool the fuck down. I'm serious!" He snapped.

Your eyes felt like they were going to pop out of your head in disbelief at the audacity he had. His jaw tensed as he glared at your features and you drew his arm closer, turning on your heel so he replaced you in the water. His reaction was subtle to the dowsing; instead, he released his grip on you. "What the hell is your problem!" You yelled. This was unknowingly becoming your breaking point. You hadn't woken up that day and realized today is the day I choose violence but Dream's medieval form of communicating with you was striking a hidden nerve.

"My problem? MY PROBLEM?" He let out an exasperated sigh, turning slightly to twist the knob for hot water before laying into you. Why he didn't just turn off the water was unbeknownst to you. "My problem is you!"

You rolled your eyes heavily. "Me?" You tsked at him. "Why don't you get a fucking life-"

"Are you really that fucking stupid?" He bit. Your disgusted look you made sure to exaggerate twisted something behind his eyes. The shower began to produce steam over his shoulders. Dream's hair had begun hanging in short ringlets around his ears. His long-sleeved t-shirt clung to his body enough that you could see every dip in his chest. Every breath he drew in to calm himself down rippled through his silhouette. In the slightest way, it seemed as if the dragon was finally baring his soft underbelly to you.

His hands balled into fists at your look of disbelief at him calling you dumb. He groaned deeply, bringing his palms to his eyes and gritting his teeth. He then pushed his fingers into his wet hair, plastering it back from framing his face. Dream's bright eyes studied you with his features set in stone. "How could you not realize?" He let out a short exhale, his hands seemingly gripping for his own thoughts as they moved with his search of words. "I know you aren't as aloof as you put off. I know you know that I-" he stopped himself short with an aggressive shrug of his shoulders. It was almost humoring to see him standing like a wet dog in front of you and at a loss for words. That big head of his was proving to be a difficult landscape for him to form sentences. "... That I-" he bit into his lip, frustration settling into his brow.

You rolled your eyes again, your wet clothes feeling uncomfortable as they began to shrink against certain parts of your body. The steam from the water was enveloping the two of you in the small space, but your close stance kept a breath of clearance in your visions. "Spit it out, Clay. Obviously, I'm too dumb to put two and two together. You're gonna have to man up and get over it," you snapped and his eyes flashed up to the ceiling.

He gritted his teeth again. "Fuck. What am I trying to say?" He hissed. The gears in his head were beginning to rust with overstimulation, and you could tell. He was hesitant as if debating what would be his next move. The tall man before you was slowly unraveling into unarticulated emotions. The minuscule thought tugged at your mind that Dream was attempting to tell you he felt something for you. It was oddly satisfying to juxtapose your ill-fated seven minutes in heaven experience when you had met him with the close, wet atmosphere you were in now. Even back then Dream couldn't figure out what to say.

He swallowed, his anger had melded into something less aggressive and more inwardly scorning. "I care about you," he blurted, his voice coming out uneven. He wasn't nervous and it seemed as if he'd practiced this in the mirror yet was crumbling under the pressure of you actually standing before him. "I care about you," he repeated, his face still tense and severe.

You were taken aback by his simple statement, awaiting his next move. You didn't dare arrest your eyes from his, your mind blurring about what to say to his confession. You knew that was big coming from him at the way it tugged at your heartstrings, making you blush in the ferocity of the steaming stall. The beat of silence was broken as he took a step toward you, taking your face into his large hands in a gentle gesture. His fingers threatened to snake into your hair as his thumb traced the bend in your jaw. Droplets of water fell off of him to splash against your sopping wet clothing, the warmth of his figure nearly pressed against yours sending rushes of goosebumps across the plain of your skin.

His eyes searched yours as he hesitated, as if savoring being close enough to taste you, yet the anticipation of sealing the fated and quarrelsome air between the two of you with his kiss was nearly too unrealistic for his mind to comprehend. The pad of his thumb brushed lightly against the flesh of your bottom lip as if he were wondering if the shade was their true color, all of his movements completely foiling the way he'd always handled you.

His look of desire and unsteadiness gave him the appearance of an explorer wandering around a foreign planet with the consistency of practice but restraint. You'd heard other girls talking about being with Dream---a fumbling night of drunken fun or a quick use and jading---but the Dream standing before you now seemed to be his own breed. You let your mind flicker to the fantasy that maybe the boy itching to mark you was a figment of him reserved and stocked only for you.

You found yourself leaning on your toes as his eyes began to close, drawing you in with his subtle caress. The water thundered down against him as his towering frame shielded you from the shower, the sound of its stream bouncing off the floor and your matted articles of clothing mixing with Dream's soft breath. As he pressed his lips against yours, it seemed like he was hesitant as if you'd snatch yourself away from his cradling like you always had, but sure enough, your sneakers were glued to the floor beneath you. Wherever you were going in the next few minutes would be to follow his lead.

His fingers dipped into your locks, bringing you deeper into his gesture of passion. Your mind clicked into the reality of the situation as your shoulders sank into a sense of calmness. Your hands found purchase around his waist, wanting to reassure him that you were reading his actions as your fingers traced the lines and dips in his back.

He kissed you with a needy passiveness that bled into the echoing taste of mint, bitter coffee, and the soft embrace of his mildly chapped lips. You'd been close enough to him in the past to dig your nose into his clean scent, but as he pressed against you, it was all you could focus on. He kissed you as if his lips were studying to be experts on your own; a kneading of exploratory gentleness met with a keen sense of wanting to pour everything unsaid between the two of you into this action. It was like he hungrily wanted to know the curvature of your mouth like the back of his hand.

He broke away from you breathlessly and your floating sense of calm clouded and compacted your words. You hesitated to open your eyes as you felt him settle his forehead against yours, not wanting to extract himself from you yet. You subtly enjoyed the fact of sharing air with him as you drew in a deep breath, the taste of him still lingering in your mouth. You wanted that taste to live on your tongue.

Clay stepped back, shrugging out of your hold reluctantly. His hand moved to settle over his mouth as if he was silently apologizing for the suddenness of that action. Your mind was running wild with the thought of him. You parted your lips, stunned enough that you could barely remember how to stand on your own let alone string together a sentence.

He swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding your eyes. "I- um," his tongue darted across his lips and you yearned at the fact that you wanted to be pressed against him again, selfishly needing to be tangled among his long limbs or you'd surely die. "I'll see you around," he stated, undoubtedly noticing how verklempt you were and what kind of effect he'd had on you.

He moved to step around you and your eyes glued to where he was standing before. He halted when his shoulder brushed against yours, his gaze turning to trace against your features as you struggled to meet his eyes. You knew he was biting back a smirk as he went on his way again, leaving you to decompose at the mental imagery of him.

You heard the door swing shut behind him and you pushed your wet hair away from your face, turning off the water. As you stepped from the stall, you met eyes with a girl who perked an eyebrow in your direction. She froze in the middle of brushing her teeth, having obviously seen Clay leave, and at the sight of you, she smirked. “Alright, alright. I see you, Elizabeth Bennett,” she winked, swaying a bit before continuing on with her routine.

Dream Tag List: (follow this link to be added ;))

@karlkitten @pluto-dizzz @more-like-reyna @honk-izzie-was-taken @marrymetheonott @froggyy06 @ghoulandghost @savingpluto @marshmallow-babe @drunkpumpkincake @unstableye @tinyegg @behzzyboo @darphobic @twist3dtinkerbell @sparkletash @lindsayhunz @shroomieissmall @mintmochiii @clubfairy

[aces-to-apples]

20 and Jessemaul please 🙏

For this ask meme

This got really horny, but like in a weird way, and I am so sorry.

NOT SAFE FOR WHALES

CITRUS SCALE: LEMON (POSSIBLY GRAPEFRUIT, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW WEIRD YOU GOTTA GET FOR THAT)

Warnings: Kink negotiation but maybe not quite enough, rough sex, overstimulation, biting and bruising, i think this counts as pain play, D/s, mild(?) sub drop/aftercare, crying during sex, safe word use, asexual character having sex

Here on AO3

20. Confessions

Three months after finally returning to Dathomir, Jesse sat down across from Maul and said, "I want you to hold me down and fuck me so hard I beg you to stop."

They had been intimate since the mess that was Florrum, mostly relegated to hands and mouths, but the suddenness of the request was startling. If Maul were a lesser being, or perhaps merely if Jesse had said this earlier into their sexual relationship, he might have choked on his tea. As it was, he was sure his expression was amusingly wide-eyed to the lieutenant.

"I take it you'd like me to use the... assistive equipment you've mentioned before," he said at length. Jesse's voice had been firm, unyielding, but he carried a tension in his shoulders, hands clasped his own cup so tightly as to turn his knuckles white, and his gaze was fixed on the small eating table between them. This was something... important to him, likely related to the way he'd been prowling about the residence lately. "And should I stop, when you beg me to?"

Deep brown eyes darted up, looking caught, before jerking aside to bore holes into the wall. "No, I... If I want you to actually stop, I'll say 'blue.' That's what a safe-word is."

Maul hummed. "And if I don't want to do this?" he asked, curious.

Jesse ground his teeth. "Then we don't."

He looked as if the prospect pained him. Their minds were no longer as deeply entangled as they had been when their bond was first established, but sometimes Maul missed it. The closeness made communication so much easier.

"This is something you want," he noted, watching with fascination as the skin around Jesse's eyes tightened. "Or, it's something you need."

His ver'alor snarled and a bit of frozen gold crept into his irises. "I don't need anything from you."

Which was such a blatant lie that Maul sat back in his chair and silently observed the fuming lieutenant. As a clone and a very sexual Human man, Jesse needed quite a bit, from Maul in particular.

He needed training in the Force. He needed trusted companionship in the absence of his brothers, sisters, and siblings. He needed skin-to-skin contact like he needed food, becoming sullen and aggressive without it. He needed regular sexual release, although he had admitted that involving Maul in the proceedings was merely a heavy preference.

An incident early into their partnership had proven their needs different, and at times incompatible. With their bond stabilized and their minds no longer so entwined, those differences became stark.

Seeking the physical affection Maul had, until that specific incident, been pleased enough to provide, Jesse had stepped right up against his back and pressed their bodies together. One hand had wrapped around his waist while the other crept underneath his shirt and grasped Maul's opposite shoulder. Jesse’s breath had fanned across the back of his neck and the prickling discomfort and irritation that had plagued Maul all throughout that day had solidified.

The rumbling growl had begun deep in his chest and ripped out of his throat with all the implicit threat his instincts could muster. Jesse had gone prey-still.

Slowly, so as not to startle him, Jesse had released his waist and removed his hand from Maul's skin, then put a careful distance between them.

"Sorry, vod," he'd said after a long silence, the two of them getting their bearings. "Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Maul had managed to force through gritted teeth that he didn't want to be touched at that time and the incident passed with some adjustment. Ever since, Jesse had brushed a questioning tendril across Maul's mind before initiating such contact. With this in mind, Maul knew that if he declined Jesse's request, that would likely be the end of it.

"Would late afternoon tomorrow be acceptable?" he finally said. "I have a meeting with Dryden Vos, which will no doubt be tedious."

Jesse's nose wrinkled at the mention of his least favorite of their figureheads, but the tightness around his eyes lessened. "Yeah, should be good."

Yes, the request was clearly something that Jesse needed quite badly.

.

To Maul's surprise, he entered Jesse's quarters after the meeting to find the room soaked with desperate, frustrated lust. He had clearly underestimated the severity of Jesse’s need, if he’d foregone any foreplay in favor of, in his own words, slicking himself up.

“Kriffing finally,” his ver’alor growled, tossing a scrap of clothing that he’d apparently saved for Maul’s appearance at his head. Ignoring the annoyed flick of Maul’s fingers to dislodge the fabric from his horns, he jerked his chin. “Harness is over there. Now, please come over here and fuck me.”

Rolling his eyes at the impatience, Maul stalked over to the indicated table and began to undress.

He could feel the spike of interest as he carefully folded his shirt and placed it aside. Jesse had once admitted that sexual preference in clones tended towards highly individualized species, had called Maul’s markings ‘tooka-nip.’

Maul focused on the feeling of Jesse’s arousal as it brushed against his mind, rather than the awkwardness and indignity of figuring out the aforementioned harness. He knew he was more sensitive to perceived derision than Jesse deemed ‘strictly healthy, by Kix’s standards’; if he allowed himself to become distracted by his insecurities, his already-simmering temper would lash out.

He also rolled his eyes at the red and black markings on the toy that Jesse had selected for his use. “Cute,” he muttered, fiddling with everything to make sure it was properly settled.

“Hot,” Jesse corrected from his place on the bed. “Very hot. Are you going to make me beg first or something?”

Maul sighed and made his way over to the bed. “No, I believe you requested that happen later in the proceedings.” He cast a critical eye over what he saw and could admit that the sight of Jesse splayed across silken sheets was evocative.

The lieutenant had gained weight since coming to Dathomir, his body eagerly hoarding fat and muscle at the slightest opportunity, and the way his warm brown skin stretched across both was pleasing. As was the flush of blood across various aspects of his anatomy as his fingers began twisting among the sheets, becoming more and more worked up the longer Maul did nothing to further his aims.

“Please,” he whined, panting and watching him beneath hooded eyes, his pupils blown wide. His hard-earned shields dropped a bit, letting Maul feel how desperately he wanted this, wanted him.

Swallowing a sudden rush of saliva, Maul carefully crawled between Jesse’s legs and braced himself above his ver’alor. “Is there anything else you need?” he asked, thinking of the little research he’d done that morning before Dryden Vos’ arrival.

“I—” Jesse began, swallowing thickly. “Pin my wrists, too.”

Maul hummed, unsurprised. “And we already know you like my voice,” he prompted. “Is there anything you’d like me to say?”

The blush across his cheeks really was quite beautiful, even if he was avoiding Maul’s gaze. “Nah, nothing—nothing in particular.”

“I see... Would you like me to fuck you now?”

For all his uncharacteristic shyness, the tease met its mark and Jesse leaned up to bite at Maul’s mouth with a silly little growl. Maul let him control the kiss and reveled in his groan as he guided the toy inside his body.

He spent a few moments testing how best to move, keeping a careful eye on how Jesse reacted to each thrust. While he had memories of Jesse’s memories to draw from, he had no practical experience of his own. That suddenly, with the lieutenant squirming beneath him, seemed an oversight. In fact, it was surprising that Jesse had waited this long to ask for it.

“Is this what you want?” he asked lazily, one hand tilting Jesse’s hips to see what difference it made to his enjoyment and the other braced above their heads to keep him steady. “Is this what you need?”

“Ngh,” Jesse eloquently replied. “S’good.”

“But... not quite?”

His head thrashed from side to side and a leg curled up his side, letting Maul sink deeper into his body. “Harder,” he gasped, “fuck me harder.”

Fairly confident now, Maul snapped his hips and watched avidly as Jesse’s lips parted. He did it again, and again, and Jesse groaned and reached up to drag him down for another kiss. Feeling generous, he allowed it for a moment before catching his wrists and pinning them above above his head.

Jesse broke away, seemingly unable to catch his breath, and carefully tested Maul’s grip. He tightened it into something that must be painful and felt a ripple of pleasure all his own at how the lieutenant melted beneath him.

He continued fucking him carefully, increasing the force behind each thrust only marginally, until he reached what Jesse was after.

The bed, a sturdy thing made to last, shuddered against the wall when Jesse’s moans turned to whimpers. Curious, Maul moved farther up the bed, bending Jesse nearly in half and increasing the weight on his wrists. The choked noise of pain and pleasure he got in response was gratifying, but the garbled sob of “stop” gave him pause.

Jesse often mocked his obsessive need for dominance but hurting him in such an intimate manner was not something from which Maul derived pleasure.

He leaned down and pressed his mouth to Jesse’s throat. “If you want me to stop, you say ‘blue,’” he reminded, then snapped his hips and sank his teeth into the yielding flesh. He could feel Jesse’s shout even more than he could here it.

Maul mentally grimaced and prepared for Jesse to say it, but did not stop. He worked his jaw so that he was nearly chewing on his lover, and the change in position made it difficult to truly thrust, resulting in sharp hitches of his hips that... certainly garnered a reaction. The cries turned quickly to crying, which tested his resolve nearly to its breaking point.

Jesse was strong and fierce and sure; it was a tad distressing to know that his actions were the cause of his tears, his shuddering sobs, the way he strained desperately against Maul’s hold. But this, he continued to remind himself, was what Jesse asked for.

“Please stop, please, Maul, I’ll be good, I swear, please...”

Disconcerted, Maul released one of Jesse’s hands, keeping it immobilized through the Force, and trailed his fingers down his chest to wrap around his cock. He would hopefully be content to stop after he came. Fortunately, Maul was well-versed in wringing as orgasm out of his lieutenant with his hands, and as worked up as he already was, it didn’t take long.

He slowed his thrusts and eased the bite into only the presence of his teeth as Jesse came between them, acutely aware that the overstimulation would be uncomfortable to painful. Somehow, he was unsurprised when Jesse, face covered in saltwater, made an inarticulate noise of protest.

With a deep breath, Maul resumed his previous pace, each thud of the bed against the wall suddenly making him wince.

Jesse’s pleas did not change in pitch, but content. “Please, please, fuck, oh fuck, fuck me please, Maul, fuck me, please, fuck, fuck please Kix—”

Startled, Maul’s hips stuttered, and the damage was done.

“Ah, fuck,” Jesse yelped, his voice full of something Maul couldn’t identify. “Fuck, Maul stop, blue.”

Immediately, he stilled and released his hold on the lieutenant’s wrists.

“Would you like me to—”

“Yes, please,” Jesse hiccupped, covering his face with one hand. He didn’t react when Maul pulled fully away, nor when he left the bed to remove the harness and put everything aside for cleaning later.

Unsure, Maul reached out and brushed Jesse’s mind like a question. The response was another shield-drop, which revealed a swirling morass of emotion that Maul lacked the emotional literacy to fully understand. Grief was easy enough to identify, but there was also a great deal of something that tasted like a relative of shame, and a strange dullness creeping along the edges of everything.

Maul steeled himself and ran his tongue over his teeth before turning to face him.

Jesse hadn’t moved much, his legs still brace against the bed, showing off the bruises forming along his hips, the backs of his thighs, around his wrists. The bite mark lacked any ounce of subtlety—a hair’s breadth from bleeding, it was far too high and prominent to be hidden by any clothes of theirs, and spectacular bruising would no doubt bloom around the imprints of his teeth.

Covered in marks and splattered with his own come, Jesse looked like he’d been ravaged. Maul wasn’t sure how much pride he was supposed to take in that, nor how much regret. The longer he stood apart, trying to piece together what he was meant to do, the more pronounced the minute trembling that Maul had taken as exhaustion became.

Jesse’s breath hitched visibly and he at once felt superfluous.

“Ah. Should I. Do you want me to touch you?” Maul asked, completely at a loss.

“Yes,” Jesse gasped, with that terrible, watery tone that meant he was crying again. “Yes. Please. Touch me.”

Clear instruction given, Maul strode back over and settled along his side, careful not to settle between Jesse’s legs again. Hesitating, he slid one arm underneath his shoulders, then huffed out a breath when he arms were suddenly full of quaking clone.

“Pet me,” came a falsely-imperious order, muffled by the meat of his shoulder. When Maul obliged, stroking his free hand down Jesse’s spine, the lieutenant shuddered and sniffled. “Tell me I did a good job.”

“You did very well, ver’alor,” Maul praised immediately. “Such a... good job. Well done, Jesse.”

Jesse took an unsteady breath.

“Tell me you love me.” The words reverberated between them, leaving no room for thought. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to—I’m sorry. For saying Kix’s name, too.”

Maul frowned, unsure if he wished for the openness of their unshielded bond at that moment or not. “I... don’t see why you should apologize,” he eventually said. “He’s your riduur.”

“And I’m fucking you,” Jesse spat, sounding angry. “I shouldn’t have. I asked you for this and then didn’t even say your name.”

“As I recall, you said my name many times.” He could hear Jesse swallow a whine. “Kix is important to you. I don’t protest his... presence, shall we say, during these proceedings.”

“He’s gone,” Jesse whispered.

“Lost, not dead. Out of our reach but for the moment. We’ll find him.” Still unsure what Jesse needed, Maul tightened his grip around his shoulders and continued stroking a firm hand up and down his back. “Did you get what you wanted?”

“I—”

Jesse rolled over, out of Maul’s arms, and flung an arm over his eyes. “Yes,” he muttered, sounding put out. “You were fucking me perfectly and then I karked it up—”

“I don’t see how saying Kix’s name is any different from talking about Alpha-17 while I’m pleasuring you with my mouth,” Maul said glibly.

The following silence was telling.

“That happened once,” Jesse said, sitting up to glare at him, “and you asked.”

Maul shrugged, unconcerned with such trivialities. “Will you want to do this again?” he asked and took his answer from the way Jesse immediately looked away. “Do you... want this to become a regular addition to our usual activities?”

“No, I—” His lieutenant scrubbed a hand over his face, grimacing at the discomfort of dried salt water. “I don’t need it very often, I just. Feeling cooped up, is all. Think I wanna take you up on that offer to take on some more responsibilities for the Collective.”

He said it like a challenge, like Maul wasn’t fascinated by his mind and the way he conducted business.

“That sounds very fine,” he said and bridged the gap between them to press his mouth against Jesse’s cheek. “And you? You’re well?”

Jesse blinked big brown eyes at him and smiled softly. “Yeah, vod. I’m good.”

“Good.”

He waited until his ver’alor had relaxed once more, confident that any missteps had been addressed, then pressed his lips to his ear.

“And Jesse? Since you asked. I believe I do.”

[revol-lover]

I’m really struggling lately.  I just constantly feel trapped between the two extremes of complete apathy and complete overwhelm and it’s exhausting.

For the most part I just feel too much. Being empathic and sensitive is like a good thing for a lot of reasons but it also brings me a lot of genuine mental suffering. Every feeling vibrates at a high frequency and when you have depression and anxiety that’s the last thing you need. To feel it more. But I do. And because of my mental illness, I don’t really experience lighter feelings as much (I feel really out of touch with my positive emotions if I’m being honest. Sometimes I know I should in theory, based on events occurring, feel happy, but instead I don’t feel anything. But then the bad feelings I feel too deeply).

And idk I just end up having weekly existential meltdowns. And I’m tired of it. I want for once to just “go with the flow” and not feel so affected by everything, not pick up on everyone else’s feelings around me and to not have that swish around with my own overbearing feelings.

I just want to not feel so much sometimes.

Today was a really stressful day. There’s so much going on that I can’t go into detail about and I’m just fucking overwhelmed to absolute hell. Had an anxiety attack while driving somewhere, had to turn around and go back home. Dealt with fucking chest pains for a half hour and all the while just wishing there was something I could do to numb this. And then I feel guilty because I know I can’t do that. Substances can never be an option for me because I’ll be done for. I know that. Not only is addiction rampant in my family. The anniversary of my uncles suicide was yesterday, he an alcoholic, my other uncle died earlier this year from a drug over dose. My other uncle is still an addict and on borrowed time. Like just about every third person in my family is either an addict or dealing with severe mental illness or both. And I know how genetics work. And even if I didnt know how they worked I’ve seen how my brain works. The one time I had Valium prescribed to me to have 8 teeth pulled before braces, I’ll never ever forget how I felt. I felt -nothing- I felt numb physical pain wise but also mentally (I had been going through a lot unrelated to my teeth that week so I was taken back by how genuinely chill I felt) and I remember thinking! This is fucking AMAZING! I feel nothing! I can relax!!!! And!!!! this is why I can NEVER!!! touch an additive substance ever again! (I’m thankful that at 14 I was smart enough to realize that) So I don’t. Because I know I’d be doomed. Because I feel too much and taking that away would be tempting.

So instead I have to feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, over emotional and on edge because I don’t think another choice exists? And like that’s why once I am in a different living situation I would like to explore marijuana (legal here) because I’ve opened up to my sister in law a bit about my anxiety specifically and she swears up and down that pot would help me and she’s ready to hook me up at a seconds notice lol. And I think I’m ok with that because it’s not addictive as far as I’m aware. But I just would hate if there were no real solution. I know prescription medications exist but like.. I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve always been kind of afraid to be dependent on a medication fully if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But I mean at the same time do I have to suffer? Is that the only option? But then my brain is like.. are you just trying to look for a way out of the human experience? Maybe life is meant to be this way? Maybe I’m meant to feel this way? I don’t fucking know. All I know is that I hate having feelings. I wish I could numb everything. I know better than to try. I really do. Like please don’t read this and worry about me. My uncles suicide was one of the most unexpectedly (because we were not *very* close) traumatic things that ever happened to me and I mourn his loss often. I mourn for the pain he felt too “manly” to share. I could go on a whole rant on that but I won’t. I spill my guts on a regular basis so that this shit doesnt fill up inside of me. Suicide has never been something I’ve wanted. I want to live! I just want to feel less sometimes. But even if I had to suffer with my emotions to the end I would take it over hurting anyone with choosing my own death. Nothing good comes of that. I have seen it first hand.

But yeah. idk. Curious if anyone read this far and can maybe relate? Does anything help you? Pot? Is there a particular kind of therapy I should be seeking? I’m just so mentally tired of myself. My brain. How I overprocess every emotion. I’m just so tired of it.

[prettyuncool]

The truth I would say on dating apps.

Being an 80′s kid who’s been in a relationship for most of her adult life, I now feel like the mother of Goodbye Lenin who awakens from her coma: no freaking idea how to deal with dating apps. I tried a few and lasted just for half an hour each. I had fun in Alienation Nation, but I probably wouldn’t live there, you know. My pictures suck, everybody’s pictures suck, everyone’s craving for some validation and how the hell do I even know you’re interesting with those few lines of bio available. It feels like the startup Pecha Kucha pitch of your own Flesh & Mind™, just as finely organized as in a supermarket shelf. I confess I also had some troubles finding any relevant shit to write about myself. The last time I’ve inquired about my own identity so thoroughly I was a teen and the last time I thought I’d use my identity for romantic-marketing purposes was actually never.

So I spontaneously thought we might be very close to a world where we should want to directly pursue what we eventually get from online networks, i.e. disconnection. I’ve imagined the non-dating app for happily staying away from each other, where everybody markets their worse flaws in their own bio’s. I wrote mine too. And then realized it was uncool anyway, because I don’t have a spectacular sense of self-unworth the same way I don’t have a neat sense of self-worth. Damn.

So I thought about the pure, raw truth. And ended up writing a shit-ton of stuff. I’ll share it with you below. Now, find me an app where I could honestly say it. And maybe some equally awkward matches, too.

---

I am a wanderer. An astrology nerd. A flea market enthusiast. A gingerbread addict. I am a listener. I own an acoustic guitar which I can't play, but it's nice to have guests who play it sometimes. I love Primitivo wine. Also coffee - but I don't drink it, because it makes me freak out. So let's say I love who loves coffee. Black. No sugar. And craft beers. And dark chocolate. I find this shit so sexy! But it makes me feel sick. So I love it in others. Talking about difficulties we're attracted to, huh? I enjoy moody, underexposed photography. Most kinds of it. I'm too broke to own a proper camera, though. Nevermind. I love weird, indie movies. Bollywood cracks me up. I used to be a decent backpacker. I roamed a lot around Europe. I've been told I have a strong accent from Chicago. That's weird, I've never been there. I find marvels in little things. And in big things, too. I am left-handed. I practice meditation, when I can.

I find sciences and arts equally mesmerizing. I'm a serious meteoropath. I may cry over beautiful things. Like sunrise and kindness. I listen to jazz when I cook. Or Bossa Nova. But I'm a terrible cook. Wild strawberries are my favorite fruit. I never find them around. Normal strawberries make me happy, too. My perfume is Hypnotic Poison by Dior. I never change it. I work in advertising, in the creative department. But I feel guilty about it. I also did cognitive research for a while. Now I may start teaching semiotics of advertising at the University of Italian Switzerland. I find Switzerland majestically boring. But I have sweet memories of it, too. I'm both a cat and a dog type. Yeah, I'm an indecisive person. I often tend to overthink. And also underreact. I used to self-harm. My favorite color is yellow. My least favorite sex positions are cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. I never feel a thing when performing them. But I'm fine with most of the others. Men often tell me I look shy at first, but then I'm surprisingly and overwhelmingly sexy. Dude, I have no idea. I'm sure shy when it comes to singing. So I'm not comfortable at karaoke's. I live in Italy, but I have several dream places: Cape Verde, Morocco, Bali, Pakistan, Canada, Oregon, India, Patagonia. I am slightly obsessed over flower essences. There are so many of them! If I fail at my job, I can become a Reiki practitioner. I could actually already do it. I don't regularly swallow cum. Anal sex is fine, as long as it doesn't last too long. My shortest relationship lasted one month and a half, my longest one lasted 14 years. I am attracted to different types of people, with typically recurring features: resilience, emotional agility, curiosity, general culture, effective problem-solving skills. But I am also attracted to more superficial shit, like beards and travel experience, driving ability, cooking skills, basketball playing skills, good taste in wine and stuff like that. I used to fall for rebels, now I just find them funny. I've had several crushes, but fell in love only twice. Both of them used to smoke the same brand of French cigarettes. Curious coincidence. I find emotionally unavailable people ridiculously unworthy of my attention. I have experienced death, illness and loss of loved ones. So I value people's ability to suffer quite greatly. I've never got pregnant, but I used plan B twice. I'm not on the pill, so wear a fucking condom. Tash Sultana's music makes my soul vibrate wild. Other than that, I'm into intimate acoustic indie pop/folk and various kinds of dreamy tunes, more or less. I have unresolved mother issues. Some unresolved daddy issues, too. Whatever. I'm working on it. I definitely can't draw. And my sense of orientation sucks. I am also generally unimpressed by trends. This makes me feel so old. I am often uncomfortable around kids, but deep inside I love them. I may want to become a mother one day, but now is just not the right time. I'm neither a morning person, nor a night one. Let's just agree I'm fucking lazy. I'm a playful type, who may look codependent in love. But I normally lead a very independent life. I wouldn't call myself jealous, either. Yeah, lucky you.

I have a weird fascination for ex-Soviet republics. I wholeheartedly enjoy sex, but I've also experienced sexual harassment and some abuse. So please, be mindful. I love French, Indian, Japanese, Lebanese and generally Mediterranean cuisines. Saffron is probably my favorite spice. I'm a social drinker. I used to smoke weed, but stayed high for four days in a row every time I tried. That made me feel miserable! But if you smoke, that's fine for me. I am a feminist, but I wish it didn't make sense to be one. My sexual orientation is often under debate. I've never had a doubt I liked men, but I sometimes also had crushes, physical attraction and some intimate experiences with women, too. This doesn't always happen, though, so I honestly don't know if I should label myself as bisexual. Frankly, I don't really care. l'm 5'28" and weight about 106 lbs. I have no STD's, genetic illnesses or physical disabilities. I'm myopic, if that counts. My family has a history of breast and cervix cancer, though, so I should be careful. I was born premature, three months in advance. I love reading as much as I enjoy writing. I used to collect crystals, but then I stopped. They're too expensive and often fake. I'm slightly more extrovert than introvert, at least according to personality tests. That's because I'm curious and inquisitive AF. Other than that, I'm pretty quiet. Also easily overstimulated. I've been raised catholic, but I don't recognize myself as one. I deeply respect spirituality in others, though, and I'm craving a religion that makes sense to me. I believe political orientation is mostly a matter of historical and cultural context, but I may have troubles speaking with you if you support any type of institutionalized human submission over others, in any possible world. I also strongly believe that Truth is never relative, but opinion is. That was unrelated, but I find it super fundamental anyway.

I don't consider myself special. I am a very average person. I find peace on sandy beaches. And I love collecting shells from the shore. It reminds me of my childhood.