#but also how you can directly see cause and effect

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"yes im so fine"

*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*

[ladyymiisa]

UP SO LATE?

summary: a late night visit from your sweet boyfriend!

tags: hawks x fem!reader, fluff, a bit of spice but it’s barely there like you have to squint to see it

author’s note: YEAAAHHH WE ARE SO BACK BABY i’ve had this idea for months now im so glad i could finally write it out it was eating me up 🤞 also on a scale of 1 to 10 how wiling would you guys be to read obey me fics 😋

it happens during the late hours of the night, when you're completely worn out from a long day of work, after you've showered, applied all of the lotions in your bathroom, and changed into your coziest pajamas. by the time you’re usually done, your eyes can barely stay open from how tired you are, and all you can think about is sleep.

just like clockwork, right as you settle into the most comfortable position in bed, you hear it: three knocks on your balcony door—one firm, two light. the all too familiar signal that announces his presence.

despite the tiredness weighing down your limbs and your body’s desperate plea to stay cocooned in the warmth of your blankets, the excitement of seeing him always overcomes your exhaustion. it drives you to get out of bed quickly, your feet carrying you eagerly to the balcony to let keigo inside.

a fact about keigo is that he never fails to arrive with some sort of gift for you. whether it’s a small flower he picked up on his way or a box of chocolates he knows you particularly enjoy, he always comes bearing something. perhaps it’s his way of compensating for the lateness of his visits.

tonight is no different. without even glancing at the shopping bag he’s holding, you throw yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck and burying your face in his shoulder.

the action causes keigo to let out a surprised sound, which quickly shifts into an amused chuckle. as he adjusts the bag with the help of two feathers, balancing it effortlessly so that the contents inside don’t get damaged, he embraces you back just as tightly. his warmth, mingled with the faint scent of his cologne and the crisp night air, envelops you entirely, making you acutely aware of just how much you had missed him during the day.

“looks like someone’s quite eager to see me,” keigo remarks teasingly, his voice partially muffled by your hair as he plants a gentle kiss to your head. “you almost knocked the daylights out of me, babe.”

instead of giving keigo a verbal response, you nuzzle further into his shoulder, concealing your burning cheeks from his view. he laughs again, which prompts you to grumble softly against his jacket.

“keep acting cheeky and you might end up sleeping on the balcony,” you warn keigo, drawing back from the embrace to face him directly. despite your words, your arms remain looped comfortably around his neck.

now that you can clearly see his face, you take notice of the faint blush reaching the tips of his ears. sly bastard, he has the audacity to tease you as if he were any better. fortunately for him, being the considerate girlfriend that you are, you decide to refrain from commenting on it.

unfortunately for you, keigo’s fluster is short-lived. he quickly becomes more daring as his hands, which were previously caressing the small of your back, move to rest on your hips. he gives them a gentle squeeze, drawing you closer to his body while his fingers trail lightly along your sides.

honey-shaded eyes gaze at you devilishly. your warning appears to have no effect on keigo; if anything, it seems to amuse him further.

he hums softly, a lazy grin playing on his lips. “oh, really? you’d actually deprive your poor, overworked boyfriend of your warm bed?” he leans in, voice dropping to a low murmur. “and your touch? your warmth?”

before you can even register it, his lips begin to trace a path of feather-light kisses from your cheek to your jaw, gradually moving towards your neck with slow, carefully practiced pecks. he’s clearly aware of the effect he has on your body, for the moment his teeth intentionally bite into that particular spot that has your mind short-circuiting, any retort you had prepared fades away. the way he works you up so easily is enough to erase any trace of tiredness from your body, replacing it with newfound excitement instead.

your arms tighten their hold around his neck. he feels the way your fingers entangle themselves into his hair, giving it a firm tug. the sensation causes him to emit a low, appreciative grunt against your skin. as keigo continues to kiss, lick and suck along your neck, you find yourself unable to suppress the soft moans that fall from your lips any longer. the moment his ears pick up on them, he promptly lifts you, his hands moving beneath your ass to support your weight.

without any complaints, you wrap your legs around his waist, allowing yourself to yield completely to his touch. at this point, there’s no use in trying to fight back. you’re in for a long, long night.

as keigo slides the balcony door open and carries you into the bedroom, he takes care that his feathers place the shopping bag carefully on your desk. seems like you won’t be needing the lingerie set inside it tonight. no matter, he’ll ensure that you find use for it next time.

[generalsmemories]

Unwanted reunion

✧ jing yuan x gn!reader

✧ prompts: “catching the other one crying shortly after an argument and immediately feeling an overwhelming wave of guilt crash onto you.” + "it's okay, we can fix this..." + “playing with their hair until they fall asleep”|| 1k event

✧ contents: hurt/comfort, angst, established relationship, implied character death

✧ a/n: if u wonder how in the world i came up with the scenario below. i genuinely don't know either it's a mystery to even me. CREATIVE LIBERTY WINS AGAIN THE PROMPTS WERE LITERALLY INSPO AND NOT WRITTEN DIRECTLY INTO THE SCENARIO. also implied that this took place after the battle with phantylia so keep that in mind.

NOT BETA-READ AS USUAL FELLAS I WANTED TO HAND THIS OVER TO YA'LL ASAP AS AN APOLOGY FOR STARVING YOU ALL FOR SO LONG!! it's mild angst though, so sorry.

Jing Yuan's can feel a familiar heaviness weigh on his body as well as the feeling of someone wrapping a roll of gauze on his arm. However opening his eyes proved to be a challenge in itself and it's only with great struggle that he can manage to force them slightly open to the bright light.

The first thing he notices is the familiar ceiling of your shared home. A bit weird since whenever he did get injured he would immediately be rushed towards a private room by the Seat of Divine Foresight - which was the safest place for him to stay. Perhaps you had gotten your will again to take care of him - seeing as you're a high ranking healer yourself and quite a stubborn soul.

But his eyes still widen a tiny bit when he sees you sitting by the edge of the bed, one hand gripping his gauzed wound while your other hand is busy trying to find something to keep your hard work in place. You're humming a soft tune again, he never knows what sort of melody you're humming, only that it had become a habit for you after the amount of years you had spent by his side bandaging his battle wounds. Something about helping your mood and staying positive.

"Your recklessness knows no bounds, Jing Yuan." the sternness of your voice snaps him out of the daze he's in, immediately rising up from the bed only to groan in pain when the wounds that you had just wrapped up react to his body folding, "... And still don't know when to rest - even when I'm in the middle of treating you."

"...How much time has passed?" he asks, voice hoarse after having slept for who knows how long. You only hum, setting the bandages aside - the gesture causing Jing Yuan to follow your hand movements which makes him notice the bloodied bandages inside the trash by your legs.

"A couple of days, I was just finishing changing your bandages when you finally woke up. Here, some water." you inform, raising a glass towards his lips, patiently waiting for him to move closer.

You only start to speak again after he's taken several gulps, placing the cup of water back on the nightstand beside his bed. "Why are you so willing to throw your life away?" you ask after a moment of silence, helping Jing Yuan rest against the headboard, eyes never leaving his own that don't dare to even look into your own.

"It's my duty-"

"Your duty is to make sure as many of the Cloud Knights survive a battle. Not gamble your life on a piece that you weren't sure had the capabilities to help."

Jing Yuan bites his tongue at your immediate rebuttal, you were right after all. "The Master Diviner was right there by you. A troop was enough to guard the entrance, you didn't need to leave the master diviner with them to go on this-"

"... Can't you be happy for once whenever we meet like this?" he asks quietly, effectively stopped you from saying anything more. His gaze is cast downwards whenever he mutters the same question to you whilst shrinking a bit after asking. There's no sign of the proud general in your presence - in front of you is just Jing Yuan asking a supposedly harmless question.

Perhaps that's the reason why you can never shove him away immediately.

"... You know what my answer is."

Jing Yuan was no crier. In fact, you think he stopped crying or showing any visible sign of discomfort or uneasiness the day he got the title as General. You're pretty sure you can count the amount of times you've seen Jing Yuan cry on one hand.

Perhaps his ability to hide his own needs and wants so often day by day for the past centuries makes your dismissal of his simple wishes that more gut-wrenching for you. You try to ignore the overwhelming guilt that washes over you every time you have to say the same thing to him.

"... You have a lot of things that you want to get done on the Luofu, Jing Yuan." you murmur softly, extending a hand to run your fingers through his locks, breaking apart any knots that may have formed in his sleep.

"You know we can meet again, but now is not the time - especially now," you gently remind with a sombre smile, your hand moving from his hair to rest against his chin to make him face you.

"It's gonna be alright, okay?" he scoffs at your reassurance, finally coming to terms with your conditions once again like always, wrapping his arms around your waist to fall down back on the bed with you on top.

"Remember the last time you said those words to me?" he says, almost sounding offended at your choice of words to which you only smile against his skin in guilt.

"It was the first time I saw you cry so hard," you try to joke, pressing your hands against the mattress to push yourself off of Jing Yuan, choosing to hover above him instead.

"... I'm sorry," you decide to say in the end after a moment of silence, once again threading your fingers through his hair - an act you knew used to calm him before. At this moment though, you're not so sure.

"Why? Shouldn't I be sorry?" he asks in return, a small yawn leaving his lips as his eyes struggle to stay open. You smile bitterly as you shake your head, still threading your fingers through his hair.

"No, none of it was your fault - what happened back then was out of your control. But this time it isn't. I can wait for a long time, Jing Yuan. I know you're aware of that so don't try to rush anything to meet me again." you tell him, leaning down to press your lips against his forehead.

"So it's time to wake up, dear. Luofu is waiting for you."

[sxorpiomooon]

Astrology observations

paid readings 💐

- your sun sign might be where people look up to you for example people with a Libra sun might have people asking them for relationship or connection advices or might look upto them in that aspect

- your 12th sign can also show what kind of birth your mother might have had while having you for example with scorpio it might have been very traumatic and possibly alot of things might have changed with your birth

- i always say this but if you want to know the environment of someone's home look at their 4th house but to know how THEY are treated in that environment you have to look at their sun and moon even saturn at times that will tell you more accurately about their relations. Bc I've seen in alot of charts and home's that the environment is generally pleasant but not for that person

- if there's an artist that you feel most connected to or with their music it's possible that you are share your big three placements with them lmao I've checked so many charts with my friends and all the artist he liked had placements in common with him

- people with a prominent venus might always have people taking advantage of them look at where exactly the venus is placed to see in which aspect someone with 1h venus might feel used bc of their looks it always reminds me of the lyric "but you don't feel pretty, you just feel used"

- people with jupiter in their 12h are straight up delusional and overconfident but guess what this also ends up making up excellent at manifestation lmao

- people with saturn in 5h might either get into relationships too late and if the ruler is in 11h or something they will be in frequent online relationships

- if you have a stellium in 5h and your partner has a good 5h house too you will see them being the artist and you being their muse(my boyf and I have this lmao)

- while determining your career make sure to check your 2h as well as it deals with finances for example I have my 2h ruler in 8h and I sure do earn from my paid astrology/tarot readings on tumblr (check them out btw)

- you can think of your 4th and 10th house as cause and effect like nature vs nurture or what happened and what you got out of it. for example you have taurus in your 4th house and scorpio in your 10th house this can show you coming from a extremely traditional and fixed value families which has made you yearn for change and it will directly manifest in your career

- tw// sa

I've seen alot of people with mars in their 8h being sexually assaulted by people in public? Especially men by men

- tw// death?

Mars in the 8h people tend to have this feeling that they're going to die an extreme violent death, I've never quite seen other people know this?

- if you know someone with moon conjunct saturn in their 12h, you need to know that all you can do is TRY to help them you cannot save them no matter how hard you try. Alot of things mostly everything honestly is hidden from them by their own subconscious you can tell it to them 1000 times and they still will be on the level one

thankyou so much<3

[jadeluz-official]

I know a lot of theories around BJ2 have revolved around dreams, but I want to throw out my own theory: 

Doctor Glickman is the real antagonist of BJ2. 

In the beginning we see Lydia take pills. Those are benzodiazepines but they're more commonly known as benzos. They are depressants that produce feelings of sedation and hypnosis. These medications are tightly regulated and can only be prescribed by a doctor. They have dangerous effects when misused such as amnesia, irritability, and vivid or disturbing dreams:

<Note: In real life, only a psychiatrist can prescribe those medications. Benzodiazepines is a schedule IV drug of the Controlled Substances Act. However, since no psychiatrist was mentioned - I am presuming the film intends it to be Glickman who prescribed these pills. >

The dosage on this substance is kept to an absolute minimum for its adverse effects. We see Lydia cool down after digesting the substance until Rory tosses them in the waste bin. However, we see Lydia take 2 during the bathroom scene when her bottle is labeled "Take 1 tablet per day." She's reliant on the sedative properties and we can't trust from there if what we're seeing is reality or not. Rory as well, who takes the pills with her despite not needing it.

Further along the story, there's three lines related to Glickman and how he behaved as Lydia's therapist. We know Astrid encountered Glickman at least once and wasn't fond of him. Not once do we see Rory mention any reflective homework like Glickman assigned to Lydia, but we see Rory constantly lying and refusing to acknowledge Lydia's concerns and desires (such as a small wedding, warning about Beetlejuice, you get the idea.)

At least... not until Beetlejuice shows up. He's mocking Doctor Glickman during his therapy scene, but this time he directly attacks Rory. He takes his time to torture Rory in this scene to the point of Rory passing out. Since Beetlejuice doesn't need to be on screen to be aware of the events of the film, he was watching it all, Rory's manipulation, the therapist directly telling Lydia she needed to better herself, Lydia slowly driving herself to madness with her pills and so forth. And in this scene Beetlejuice mentions he was willing to do work and better himself for Lydia, which is something Rory has never done:

Lydia's response to this:

Well then, where am I going with this?

Lydia starts to realize the effects of her medication are causing "hallucinations" of Beetlejuice. Unaware of everything around her plausibly being her imagination or dream, and the film gets more psychoactive as it progresses, it's not until Lydia wakes up at the end with Beetlejuice until the effects of these pills wear off.

After being injected with the truth serum, Rory admits he was only in it for the money. Therapy and certain medications have been known to be incredibly expensive in the United States. As long as Lydia was sedated and her hallucinations allieviated, Rory took advantage of how vulnerable Lydia was on the medication, even if it foiled episodes of Ghost House at times.

And to give him a taste of his own medicine, Beetlejuice injects Rory with the truth serum knowing Lydia was being taken advantage of when she consumed her pills. It's his idea of sweet revenge. Also mentioning how Rory still refuses to work on himself, unlike how Glickman did: 

If Rory had successfully gotten away with their marriage, he could have more access to benzodiazepines and other prescription drugs from Doctor Glickman to keep Lydia under surveillance and exploit her for money. He admitted exploiting weak and vulnerable women, and Lydia being a depressed and anxiety-ridden mess meant she was the jackpot for Rory. And one could presume, Glickman would get a nice paycheck each time he provided those drugs to Rory.

So yeah, Rory was poisoning Lydia slowly. Glickman was providing her these drugs with intensive sedative and delirium effects. No wonder why BJ intervened. He stopped Lydia from making his same mistake.

Say what you want about Beetlebabes, but all I can say after watching this movie 5 times already is that Beetlejuice really does love Lydia. Every single time I rewatch it, I find more reasons about how he loves her so much:

[androdragynous]

I know i complained about the stardew valley penny and George cutscene at length but the it really is fucking. bizarre the lengths people will go to defend it because "the game lets you pick to side with him" (please do literally any reading about wheelchair use and realize why it's a problem that the game rewards you for moving someone without their consent.) or variants of that sentiment but then it's like. the rest of the cutscene is also So Weird

Like. Penny moves an old man in a wheelchair without asking him. He gets upset, she asks if you saw what happened The game prompts you to select from;

"I was. You did a kind thing there, Penny." (+50 friendship with Penny)

"I was. You should've asked instead of assuming George wanted help." (-50 friendship with Penny)

"I'm just taking a walk, minding my own business." (No effect on friendship.)

And these are the REVISED options. Before 1.4, the second option wasn't"you should have asked", it was "You should've left him alone. Now he's grumpy."

So already it's kind of shit. The person she's upset - who's entire existence in the game is experiencing inaccessibility, let's be real - because he was shoved without permission just for being in a wheelchair doesn't have his friendship level affected at all.

Regardless of which answer you pick, George apologizes (Penny does not apologize in every choice! But the guy she shoved does!) and says she was kind.

Once he's gone, she talks about how hard it must be to be old. It's worth noting, for what it's worth, that George has been using a wheelchair since a mining accident caused his immobility; it's not a result of age, and you learn about this whole he struggles with a bookshelf in his own home, where presumably he has been living with a wheelchair for at least two decades (given how he talks about his grandson), which is a whole different can of worms because why is this never addressed in a fictional community with multiple craftspeople who frequently do projects for each other?

Anyways. So Penny's like, damn, sucks that he's old. And the options the game gives you - all neutral in terms of friendship points - are:

"I'd rather not think about it."

"It's just a different part of life."

"That's why we should respect our elders."

"I'd rather die young..."

Like are you kidding me? You have a cutscene that's about being disabled - it's not about aging, because his disability was not caused by aging, it is explicitly and directly about the fact that he is in a wheelchair. And the game assumes your opinions will be "Not my problem,", "That's an old people thing,", and "I'D RATHER BE DEAD"? And this is something people just... don't remark on? Even in conversations ABOUT this cutscene? Like, George's mentions of being disabled are already Constantly Miserable -able-bodied writer standard quality - but the game is just like. Yeah you can say you'd rather be dead rather than express any positive sentiment about this guy surviving a traumatic mining accident. You can't say it's great that he's able to still be a part of the community in his chair, or renovate his house to make it accessible the way you can build ENTIRE HOMES for other characters. The community center you rebuild in the Good Ending for the community is only accessible by stairs. The path out of his home is dirt. It's the little things, y'know, like... obviously he wasn't thought about as his own character. The game's writing sees him as a source of conflict for others, and down to the very tiles of the terrain, he's irrelevant.

AND THEN THE TOWN DOCTOR DOES A HIPAA VIOLATION AND GETS SAD IF YOU SAY GEORGE SHOULD HAVE AGENCY OVER HIS OWN BODY. WHAT ARE WE FUCKING DOING HERE

[heartsteellerr]

How they react to being under the mistletoe with you

Content; Fluff Warnings; GN reader, reader being silly in (Kayn, Aphelios, and Yone parts), SLIGHTLY heated in Ezreal part if you squint Characters; All Heartsteel members

Ezreal

He's in a bit of a pickle... From being smug to flustered about being under one with you, rubbing his neck and looking around at anything but you, it's most likely you'll have to be the one to initiate the kiss. And when you do, he melts into it immediately ⎯ making it a not so simple kiss but a full on makeout session. Holding you so close you felt his body being pressed into yours. In the end when you both finally pulled away from each other, you could say this was indeed the best present you can get... But also for everyone else in the room, this was the worst part about the party yet.

Kayn

Totally didn't plan it. No seriously, he didn't plan it whatsoever ⎯ he was just going to get a drink when you pointed it out to him that he stops to look at it, and lo and behold, there it was dangling above of you both. At first he didn't really get the whole point of it, turning to you with a blank look, but before he could even let out an ounce of party pooper magic with his words he could see how you looked at him expectingly ⎯ without needing to say anything, he could tell you really wanted that kiss from him. Of course he'd be obligated to after seeing you like that, but would most definitely tease the living crap out of you afterwards.

Aphelios

Saw you standing there stupidly waiting for him. It was so obvious too with how you stared directly at him with a dumb grin on your face that he rolled his eyes and decided, for once, to play nice and go along with your dumb schemes. Pulling his mask down to place a simple peck on your lips, nothing special or extravagant ⎯ but you could see just from that 'simple gesture' he has a blush on his face that he tries to cover up by pulling his mask back up.

Sett

Didn't realise he's been standing under one this whole time, not understanding why his members weren't coming to talk to him, or why not just them, but everyone else was too. That is, until you came up and pointed it out to him ⎯ he didn't exactly know ... what a mistletoe was or the importance of it, but if it was just a kiss then whats the big idea? He'd lean down to a place a quick peck on the lips on your lips and call it a day, unable to tell just how from a simple gesture effected you so much as you covered your face with your hands.

K'Sante

Totally planned it and he makes it obvious too. Going over to you and asking for you to look up only for you to see the mistletoe right above you both ⎯ moreso you due to ... him holding it right above your head. From the shock and bewildered look on your face, it causes him to let out a loud BOOMING laugh, hindering the other guests around you both but did he seem to care? Not at all. Grabbing you by the hip with one hand, he pulls you into a passionate kiss. Soft and delicate, but of course had a devious sensation to it ⎯ you could practically feel him smiling when he felt you reciprocating back. Needless to say, this was the best gift he can ever get.

Yone

Sighs when he sees you bring the mistletoe over to him. Not being able to hold it over his head because of how tall he is, but bringing it to him? And showing him with a gleam of mischief in your eyes? You'll be the death of him and you know it. You're fairly lucky he can't say no to you, but also unlucky if you can't handle his loving gestures first. He'd kiss your forehead first, then your cheeks, then your nose, and finally your lips. Deep down he's a romantic and wants to convey his feelings as much as possible, but even without doing such extravagant gestures, you could tell how much he loves you by how he looks at you with so much love and tenderness.

[sleepynoons]

blade x afab!f!reader, nsfw, 18+, not beta read

cw: unprotected sex, emotional sex, handjob, half-assed pussy job (idet it counts), riding in reverse cowgirl, descriptions of injuries

notes: angst, slight comfort. wrote this on my period, and i couldn't stand being the only one in intense pain, so i took this as an excuse to do more research on mara and how blade suffers from it. also stellaron hunter!reader lol

YOU SEE the bandages before you see him. after two weeks of being unable to see each other, you’ve finally been given the green light by kafka to visit blade. eyes wide, you can’t hide your surprise as you examine the fresh cracks and wounds scoring blade’s body, obvious even when he’s veiled by the shadows cast by his door. the dressings almost seem useless, really – a bandage over a bullet wound, almost quite literally. the effects of mara on short-lived species are truly terrifying, the destructive aftermath laid out right in front of you as you grimace when you see a wound slowly open before sealing itself with a muted golden light. he steps back to let you into his room, and you usher him to his bed. 

as you tie up some of the loose ends of the bandages, you murmur, “kafka said it was worse than normal.” blade only stares ahead at something you can’t see.

it’s always been this way. when blade doesn’t want to tell you something, he opts for silence. the two of you are so close yet so far, able to relish in the intimacy of each other’s bodies but never willing to exchange words that reveal what’s underneath. he will even go as far as to openly show you his scars and injuries, but he will never share with you the tales and stories of battles that caused them – constellations on his figure that will remain forever unnamed and disowned. 

kafka had given you a brief, watered-down explanation of blade’s condition when you first joined the stellaron hunters. blade’s pain is predominantly in the psyche, and the mara forces him into an uncontrollable state that he has to be watched over and subdued by kafka. you know it’s all for naught as you wipe his arms and torso with a warm, wet towel. you can only provide brief moments of relief as you pat cool compresses over the cuts you just cleaned.

there’s something you’ve noticed about blade’s injuries. because you’ve never seen blade when he’s mara-struck, you can only presume that he receives his injuries directly or as a result of his transformation. regardless, the cuts are irregular. they look more like deep gashes from sharp fingernails and a sword. 

like clockwork, you finish patching blade up, and after putting all of the medical supplies away, find your place on his lap. blade finally looks at you, gaze piercing through you, as you sit down. his hands come to rest on the backs of your thighs, and without a word, leans forward to kiss you on the eyes. his gestures are delicate, as gentle as he can muster, and you know he’s trying to placate your worry. you return your affections by patting his chest, a signal for him to lie down.

he listens, eyes still watching you closely, hawk-like attention on your every move. he’s waiting, curious as to what you plan on doing today.

you begin. you first bend over, littering small kisses across his collarbones and chest. if blade’s in any pain, he makes no indication of it. you make your way up, leaving more kisses around his neck and the shell of his right ear, before hovering over his face. when this arrangement started, you remember being incredibly nervous, afraid he would judge and reject your advances. you’re more practiced now, of course, and without hesitation, lick at his lips. blade seems to ease up a little and responds by tilting his head in an effort to deepen the kiss and presses your body closer to his. it stays like this for a few minutes. the two of you have your eyes closed and are simply enjoying each other’s warmth.

you only pull away because you need to breathe. regardless, you’re growing eager, and you’re sure he is, too. you get up to remove your jacket and sleep shorts, but when blade reaches to undo his pants, you stop him.

“let me,” you whisper. “i’ll handle all of it.” now only in a loose t-shirt and panties, you sit back down on blade, except you’re faced away from him. you make quick work of his pants and peel back his briefs, revealing his half-hard cock that is stirring at the sudden touch of the cool air.

you always like to take your time with blade after going without him for so long. you spit into your hand and coat it generously. blade hisses when he feels your hand make contact with his cock. up and down, your rub your palm from his tip to his balls and back again. his cock gets harder and hotter under your touch, and the veins that climb up his cock become more pronounced. what you would do to take him in your mouth then and there, but you have to resist – this isn’t about you. when blade’s cock stands fully at attention, you wrap your hand around it and quicken your pace. you flick your fist sharply and tease his slit with your thumb between intervals.

behind you, blade pants and groans. you’re experienced in pleasuring the man, and you know when something is too much or too little for him. right now, you know you’re doing just right. as he gets louder, his cock leaks more pre-cum, and the desperate sight sends a throb straight to your core. finally, with a few more tugs of your hand, blade cums, cursing as he ejaculates into your hands with some of his cum splattering onto your forearm. you help him in coming down from his high, and you glance behind you.

with one arm thrown over his eyes and the other gripping onto the blanket, he’s breathing deep, ragged breaths. he already looks spent.

you ask, “should we stop here?”

harsher than he intended, blade commands, “keep going.” his voice is rough with exhaustion, but it’s still deep and husky, and his demand only edges you further along. you smile at the praise and nod in understanding, not that he’d see.

you slide your panties to the side. you’re already so wet, slick sticking and spreading along your inner thighs and pussy. blade’s already hard again, and you can only admire his stamina. as a brief intermission, you pick up his cock and begin to rub his tip along your folds. his cock is so hot, comforting against your own heat, and you sigh whenever his tip catches onto your clit. 

but it’s not enough. with every slip of cock, your yearning accelerates until it becomes overwhelming. when you have no more patience, with shaky legs, you sink down onto him. when the head of his cock pops past the entrance of your hole, you moan in relief and satisfaction. not even halfway in, and blade is already making you see stars.

blade is also having a very difficult time. he’s already delirious from all of the pain he had to endure for the past few weeks, yet he fell prey to his desires and is now suffering at the sensation of your soft, tight walls swallowing and trapping him in. it really is too much. in this position, he can admire the way the fat of your ass ripples whenever you move and your back arches beautifully, accentuating the curves of your hips and waist. at the very least, he’s grateful that he can’t see your face, or else he’d lose it at the sight of your aroused expressions. he can just imagine your lips parting, tongue lolling out, eyes crossing.

you feel so full when he’s fully in you that you have to sit still for a second. then, you slowly begin to bounce, shallow lifts of your hip that only come up an inch or so before you take him in completely again. it’s the perfect amount of pressure inside you. in fact, everything about blade seems to fit you well, and you have to ignore the thought of never fully having him.

if you had to describe blade, a few words come into mind: powerful, spiteful, lost. and you can feel these traits of his bleed into the present moment. he’s so tired and angry, frustrated that he has to live on in the universe, but because he has no choice, he will live on with steadfast and stubborn courage. you can only moan and drool with every heavy kiss of his cock against that gummy spot inside you. at some point, his hands have found their way to your waist, and his hands are gripping onto you so tightly that they’re bound to leave bruises. you can feel – practically taste – his emotions, and all you can do is just take it. it’s because you can’t do anything else that you’re content with just taking it. 

you’re sobbing, crying out from pleasure and distress. with one last push, you get up so that only blade’s tip is inside before dropping back down in a manner so rushed and sharp that you’re both cumming from it. he holds onto you and you onto his hands as you both climax.

you may never be able to help him with the mara or be fully his, but you know that, in this moment, no one in any galaxy or universe can make him experience this pleasure and release the way you can. and for now, you let yourself take pride and satisfaction with that. for now, that’s more than enough.

[dreamlifebunny]

a better way to affirm (and make any method more effective!)

every desire we could ever want has already been said "yes" to and everything is possible - this is the beautiful truth of the law of assumption. a very popular method for manifesting is affirming for your desires: with affirming, we tell ourselves "i have money, my sp loves me, i am safe, etc." attempting to conjure up the feeling that the affirmations are true. however, when we don't actually believe in the affirmations, repeating them over and over can feel vapid, yucky, and even make us feel like we are lying to ourselves, causing us to feel the opposite of the affirmations we were using.

when talking about imaginal acts and imagination, edward art has often said that it's not the details of the scene that matters, but what the scene implies about us that is important. it was after listening to his "though false" lecture that i realized, in order for affirmations to be effective, we must first believe they are possible for us at all and they must tell us something beautiful about ourselves.

yes, it is true that mindlessly repeating affirmations over and over again without feeling them can manifest just as effectively as feeling your affirmations and only repeating them once, but the reason why either of these methods work is because you believe that they will work. if repeating affirmations mindlessly 10k times gives you the same feeling that your manifestations are yours, then please keep doing that method! but if you struggle to believe that mindless affirming will actually bring about your desires and you find the repetition boring, this post is for you.

i would like to repeat: the law, in all of its beauty, reminds us that every single thing that we desire has already been said "yes" to. with this beautiful concept in mind, let us create affirmations that feel softer, easier, truer, and give us the peace of mind that we are seeking.

inspiration:

this post is inspired by and at some points directly lifted from edward art's "though false" video. i take zero credit for the ideas that he originally shared, i just wanted to add on my own interpretations and share it with the community so that more people could be inspired!

this post was also inspired by @alilarew23's post "what if god said yes?" i can't believe when i first wrote this that i didn't realize how deeply it was inspired by her incredible post, and only now after reading it again did it dawn on me 😭 i wanted to make sure this post of hers was linked because it is SO good; please give it a read if you want to feel wonderfully validated, safe, and comforted in the knowledge that your desires are YOURS!

steps:

decide what it is that you desire and let the daydreams begin - what do you naturally imagine happening? what do you hear? see/hear/feel/etc. the imaginal act that naturally comes up when you think about your desire (don't worry that you're not doing it right, it's simply a sweet daydream about what you desire)

next, ask yourself: if this desire manifested and really came true, what would that imply about me? what does the manifestation of this desire tell me about myself? get to the core of what the manifested desire says about you. for example, if you wanted wealth and you naturally visualized travelling the world with all the money you have and imagined that the scene was true, the core belief could be "i am free to do anything i want without barriers." if you wanted wealth and you naturally visualized seeing your bills paid off and imagined that the scene was true, the core belief could be "i am always safe and looked after financially."

we have now figured out what our desire says about us, and our next step is to ask god if what it says about us is true. since WE are god, we go within and ask, "God/Self/Subconscious, am I (insert the answer we found in step two)?" the example could be, "god, am i lovable? am i safe?" etc.

because we know that every desire we could ever want has already been said "yes" to no matter what, answer yourself as god: "yes!"

feel the feeling of relief - you now know that a) your desire will manifest, and also b) that you are everything that your desire implies about your wonderful self and that you now know that your affirmation of choice is true! how beautiful is that? repeat these steps however often you need peace.

as you can see, this takes you right to the feeling that you are trying to get achieve by manifesting your desires. we manifest to feel loved, happy, successful, wealthy, so why not feel those ways while we wait for our manifestation to show up? it gets us to the core of the belief and helps us figure out exactly what it is we are wanting to feel about ourselves. it makes the affirmation feel a lot more powerful and personal, and a lot more "guaranteed" knowing it is coming to you from yourself as god.

example:

lets say i have decided that i want to manifest a partner back, who ghosted me with no explanation and who chose someone else over me, and that it left me feeling worthless. the imaginal act that comes to my mind when i imagine him coming back and choosing me is my partner holding me tight, crying and apologizing for the pain he has caused, and telling me how much he missed me, loves me, and how badly he wants to rebuild trust and cherish me for the rest of our lives (💅)

if my desire came true, it would tell me that i am irreplaceable, lovable, obsess-worthy, worthy of affection and love, unforgettable, irresistible, etc. (how lovely that would be to feel!)

"bunny (god), i know that everything that i want has already been said yes to. does this mean that i am irreplaceable, lovable, obsess-worthy, worthy of affection and love, unforgettable, and irresistible?" (i would probably just use one hehe but you get the point).

knowing that i am god and that my word is law, i tell myself the beautiful "yes!" that i know is true! i feel the reality that i am lovable, i trust that god (myself) knows the truth and is powerful.

i relax, knowing that the inherent nature of god is a resounding "yes," and that that means i am already lovable, irreplaceable, etc.!

i hope that this exercise can bring you peace, remind you of your incredible worth and of how truly lovable and wonderful you are, and ensure you of the guarantee of your desires manifesting. if you have made it to the end of this post, please consider watching the "though false" lecture and ali's post "what if god said yes?" for even more validation and love!

love and hugs, bunny 💕

[umbramoons]

TECH MOMENTS PT. 5

The Bad Batch S1 E1: Aftermath

This one's a doozy, my friends! Enjoy 100+ bullet points and 50+ pics of our favorite clone genius!

- Running through the droids, putting an explosive on everyone he can get his hands on. ❤

- “Hey, clanker! Catch!” (This was the moment I realized that I like him. My brain did a double take, like: "Wait he's attractive.") ❤

- Kicking a droid for no reason ❤

- Walking off the battlefield like it wasn’t even hard.

- I love the little distracted wave he gives General Billaba. Everything about him is just so endearing to me. 

- His voice is a little more deep and raspy than usual while he’s talking about the war ending. Gosh, I’m down so bad for this man.

- He’s the only one who doesn’t have a blaster drawn when they first approach Caleb.

- Tech is one of the ones sent to talk to the regs about what’s going on. Echo makes sense since he’s technically still a reg, too, but why Tech? Because he’s the least likely to cause a problem.

- He’s also the first one to run to talk to the regs. Taking initiative once again.

- Tech: “The regs have been ordered to execute the Jedi.”

Hunter: “What? Which Jedi?” 

Tech: “All of them.” The disbelief in his voice is subtle but there.

- This is a glow-up, people (a small one since he was already pretty, but still)! Tech is gorgeous, and no one can tell me otherwise. ❤

- I love his tiny smile when he finishes explaining how long they’ve been gone.

- The disappointed look on his face when Wrecker doesn’t understand his explanation of how long they’ve been away from Kamino.

- He has the smallest smile on his face when he hears that General Grevious has been defeated.

- “Just like I said.”

- He looks so done when Wrecker punches him.

- When the clones pass by with the body of a Jedi, it’s Tech Hunter shares a look with.

- “Excuse me, trooper, what division are you from?” *gets shoved aside* “Oh. Well, they seem the same to me.” ❤

- He immediately starts working on something once he gets back to their barracks.

- All the formulas and calculations on his bunk wall… a result of his sleepless nights, I’m sure.

- I love the curious look he gives Crosshair when he says they didn’t complete every objective.

- “And my exceptional mind.” I love him an unhealthy amount.

- “My guess is we are immune to the effects of the programming.” *looks at Crosshair* “Though I can’t be one hundred percent certain of it.” He looks so. Kriffing. GORGEOUS.

- “You are more machine than man. Percentage-wise, at least.” His little reassurance to Echo at the end.

- Hunter: “This is one meeting I don’t want to miss.”

Tech: “First time for everything.”

- The way he’s just looking at his datapad throughout the meeting.

- Stepping out of line to ask Hunter what’s wrong. First of all, noticing something’s up with him. And second, it takes some serious courage to break formation like that during such an important briefing while all your superiors can clearly see you.

- “Still don’t think the regs are programmed?”

- Crosshair: “Republic, Empire, what’s the difference?” 

Tech: “The systematic termination of the Jedi is a big one for me.” ❤

- “Adolescent human female. Origins... uncertain.”

- Tech’s mouth quirks up in a tiny smile when Omega says she was wondering when they’d come back. He already likes her.

- His look of surprise when he realizes Omega knows his name.

- The way he stares after Omega in wonder. ❤

- There’s this split second (right after Hunter says "everyone's talking about it) where it looks like he’s looking directly into the camera, and it’s just like, “Well hello there, sir.”

- “Hopefully not mental. Clearly, we’d never pass that.” It's okay, I'm not neurotypical either, babe.

- Leaning around Hunter to see Omega.

- “You want to sit with us? That’s never happened before.”

- He can’t stop grinning at Omega after she says she likes him and his team for not fitting in. ❤

- I love the way his expression shifts when Hunter asks where Omega’s family is. Like, "that's actually a really good point."

- The way his face instantly drops when the regs make a jab at them. At Omega. He’s used to being pushed around, but he’s not pleased to see this precious girl being mocked.

- I love the way he’s all squared up in the background of this fight.

- Calling out a warning to Echo and then running over to the clone who knocks him out. It doesn’t show it, but Tech definitely threw a punch at the guy for hurting his best friend. ❤

- “We’re more deviant than we are defective.”

- “Then we are not being reprimanded?” He’s so used to getting in trouble.

- His eye roll when Wrecker charges into battle without thinking. I thank God every day that we can always see his eyes with those goggles. ❤

- He’s not at all phased by passing through live rounds to get to Wrecker. He’d gladly walk through fire for the people he loves.

- “Wrecker, are you alright?”

- That little head shake when Hunter signals a plan to him. Like he doesn’t think it will work, but he knows they have no other option.

- Wrecker: “Aw, I hate hand signals!” 

Tech: “Perhaps if you memorized them?” 

Wrecker: “Why don’t you memorize them?” 

Tech: “I have.”

- They’re in the middle of a battle, but he’s sitting against those barriers so casually.

- The way he stops Wrecker from crushing the droid.

- Reprogramming the droid, then choosing to ride on its shoulders like a legend. (Note that it looks like he’s the only one to specifically get an impressed reaction out of Tarkin with his performance in this simulation) ❤

- Can I also just say how impressive that was? He completely reprogrammed a hostile droid to follow his commands while under heavy fire. In less than a minute. What a man, what a legend.

- “Wrecker. Look alive.” I feel like he has the capacity to lead, he just doesn’t want to.

- Reaches out to Wrecker (who calls him buddy). “I’m -” *flops down* “not going anywhere.” ❤

- I love the way he takes a deep breath and straightens his posture for a second after Echo and Wrecker help him up.

- “There’s a fundamental difference between taking fire in battle and being used as target practice.” I love how upset he is about this. Also, he’s also backing up Wrecker’s feelings with his own here.

- None of the others make eye contact with Tarkin when he’s examining them. Tech does and practically glares at him. ❤

- I love his expression shift when Tarkin says the insurgents are Separatists. I can’t place the expression, but I love it. It’s almost like “Come on, I thought the war was over. Oh well.”

- I love his little disappointed look when Echo says he can’t crack the files. And then how he immediately offers to help.

- “That’s not going near my rack. I refuse to sleep by a projectile again.” AGAIN?!

- Tech comes right behind Hunter to exit the ship (and then leads them for a significant portion of their walk). Possibly symbolizing his position within the squad.

- Echo: “What was that?”

  Tech: “You don’t want to know.” 😑

- “Easy, Wrecker. Your programming’s kicking in.” I legit laughed out loud at this when I first watched the show. ❤

- His datapad lighting up his eyes makes him look so beautiful.

- Hunter always relies on him.

- The way he instantly senses that something’s wrong when he can’t see any droids in the camp.

- “There aren’t any droids, Wrecker.” You can tell that he’s starting to get a little agitated about this situation.

- Defending both sides when others choose one.

- Tech is the first one to ease up and stand down. Almost the second he hears Hunter start talking, like he knew he was going to tell them to back off. (And his eyes look stunning in that shot when he does. They immediately soften and become non-threatening.) You can just tell how much he and Hunter respect and trust each other. ❤

- He looks so pretty in this warm light of the camp. Who am I kidding, he looks good in every lighting.

- Geeking out over Saw. (And Saw is absolutely staring him down as he does. Like, they’re having a staring contest until he’s handed a weapon to examine. I don’t like that foreshadowing.)

- I also love the look on his face when Cross says “Is that a request?” I just always love his expressions.

- The way he leans forward with the tiniest hint of concern when Saw tells them to look at the insurgents they were sent to destroy. Anyone who says Tech is emotionless hasn’t been paying attention to him at all.

- His offended look when Saw said he thought he was the smart one.

- He is absolutely GORGEOUS in that shot where Crosshair says that the war is over. He’s literally flawless, and he’s perfect.

- “At least with the Republic, we knew where we stood. Tarkin and this Empire are a whole different story.”

- He literally jerks back in surprise when Cross says that Hunter isn’t fit to lead their squad.

- The concerned and confused look on his face when Hunter brings up Omega.

- “I would not discount Omega’s insight. A state of heightened awareness is not unusual for an enhanced clone such as herself.” Standing up for Omega before he knows her that well. ❤

- “When Nala Se spoke of five clones, Tarkin assumed that meant us, but Echo’s a reg. The fifth is Omega.”

- “Well, I thought it was obvious.” Leans against the doorframe like he couldn’t care less. ❤

- That glare when Crosshair suggests leaving Omega on Kamino.

- His little breath before saying “this is unusual” just makes him feel so alive to me.

- I love how he’s constantly glancing over and making eye contact with Crosshair. These two were so close.

- HIS BLACKS. TECH IN HIS BLACKS. Hallelujah for this scene. We wouldn’t be nearly as familiar with everyone's body types without it. Gorgeous man. Everyone likes to talk about Hunter's tiny waist, but Tech's is just as snatched.

- “Well, the mission wasn’t a total failure.” Of course he’s the first one to notice Omega. ❤

- His face is so warm and happy when he sees Omega. And then he immediately shifts to unamused at Crosshair’s complaint. ❤

- He shoots another tiny smile Omega’s way when Hunter says they were looking for her.

- “I never thought you disobeying orders was a problem.” Facts, love.

- Crosshair never directs his anger at Tech. It’s always at the others. Even if Tech does say something he doesn’t like, he doesn’t get mad until someone else expounds upon it, and then he snaps at them. Cross clearly has a favorite here.

- Cross starts shaking his head with clear distress and frustration when Wrecker says that they disobey orders all the time, and you can see that Tech notices it. He tilts his head and frowns a little bit. ❤

- The concerned look he and Echo exchange when Crosshair starts to confront Hunter again.

- He looks freaked out when the guards hit Hunter. 

- Reaching out for Crosshair when they take him away. That broke my heart when I first noticed it. ❤

- The way he bounces his leg when he’s thinking hard. ❤

- “I’ve got it! Why didn’t I think of it before?”

- He talks with his hands. ❤

- Covering his mouth when Wrecker talks too loud.

- Running his fingers over the wall to see where the weak point is. ❤

- The confusion and worry on his face when Wrecker says it still didn’t work. Gorgeous, gorgeous.

- The way he glances over at Hunter (or probably the guards) before going over to help Wrecker. Ugh, he’s literally perfect.

- “Oh, yes it did.” ❤

- Bending a metal panel with his bare hands like it’s nothing. My man is strong! I love how he doesn’t follow the trope of the nerdy character being weak.

- Wrecker: “I’ll never fit through that!” 

Tech shakes his head. “Astute as always, Wrecker.”

- I love the way he rolls his eyes and facepalms when Wrecker blows their cover.

- Grabbing a blaster and stunning the last conscious guard. He shoots twice, just to be sure, and carries the blaster. He’s such a boss.

- Turning to confirm the guards aren’t dead (or going to follow them) before leaving the brig.

- Tech looks so cute when he tells Wrecker to hold still.

- I love how Tech serves as the unofficial medic (with Echo’s help, of course).

- Omega: “I guess I got lucky.”

Tech: “She's not the only one.” *gestures to Wrecker without looking up* ❤

- "What's the plan, Hunter?"

- Omega: “What about your friends? Could any of them help us?” 

Tech: “That would be a short list.” 

- The way he leans in and smiles so brightly when Omega asks that question.

- His smile when Hunter tells him to plot a course for J-19. ❤

- I love the way he shakes his head with clear affection when Wrecker cheers this time.

[v1ktim]

OBSCURA: Trailer Analysis

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

In the trailer/video that goes with Chapter One of OBSCURA (Here. Watch it on your own, sub to Rotten Raccons) is PACKED with details and all sorts of information. Let's start with the first thing we see when the video starts.

Cirrus:

This is a snippet of Cirrus' CG in game with some things added. The text in the top left is what we're interested in. "18. presbyter//ecclesia lunaris" What does the number mean? Well if we take it in terms of Major Arcana for Tarot cards. the moon in number 18.(XVIII) Fitting for the lunar priest, but the deeper meaning also fits. Usually meaning hidden danger or enemies, deception to darker forces at play. Then we have the Latin. If we take the dashes and an indication of a break, then the translation is roughly "Preist// height of the moon" But if we take it as one sentence it translates to "Priest of the Lunar Church" Keir:

Again, staring with the number. 20 (XX) is Judgement. I find this fascinating. With obvious associations to justice, scales, balance etc it;s an interesting connection that I wouldn't have originally thought of to Keir but it fits well. The card itself means reflection, reckoning and awakening. Usually taking a look at oneself to see where an imbalance lies so you can fix it and move forwards while reversed can mean a lack of self-awareness, doubt and self-loathing. (yikes) The latin here is interesting too. Instead of having the dashes like everyone else, he had the latin next to the number and then a separate, less visible one at the bottom center of the screen. "Cavilator Fur" translates to "Scornful thief" and the dimmer, less noticeable word is "Cultelluss" or "knife" and it's pointing to where his dagger in on his belt.

Oleander:

The Number 11 (XI) is Justice. Meaning cause and effect, clarity and truth and the reverse meaning opposite. Oleander is a character who knows the effects of his actions. They are measures and precise. He is aware of the cause and effect. And in his neutral and good endings we see him bring his own form of 'justice' or balance. When Lord Valentine tried to have him killed, he simply returned the favor personally, and succeded. "Nerii//periculosum scurra" when translated as a sentence means "A dangerous clown". This obviously references the way Vesper calls him a clown when they first meet and telling us directly that he is dangerous. Francesco:

The Wheel of Fortune is what is assigned to Francesco, meaning change, cycles and inevitable fate, greater forces as play that are pushing towards and ultimate and unavoidable end. This theme goes along with theming that he is running out of time. THere is a reason for him coming to the underground, for rushing Vesper and the tailor so he can experience as much as he can. There is something pushing him forwards.

"Francisium//innocentes nobiles" At a first glance it looks like a latin version of his name, and "innocent nobiles." The second part is correct but the whole phrase means "The innocent nobles of France" which is FACINATING to say the least. The connection to France is interesting to me and brings my mind to the French revolution. Another detail I think is interesting is that his secondary outfit we see him in, the jewelry that is around his neck is right where a beheading would happen and once I saw it I couldn't unsee it.

Thats the first portion. Later in the video we get some images that flash across the screen with more latin and numbers. The numbers correspond with the numbers we were given previously. Again, in the order of how they appear in the video: Cirrus: Snake Skeleton

Latin first. "Obsequium// ducit as caelum" means "compliance leads to heaven" This connects to his entire theme. To get the best end with Cirrus, you don't question him. You don't question his motives or hesitate, you just comply. The imagery of a snake skeleton is interesting too. The obvious imagery and symbolism with snakes, deceit, lies, danger. But also connections to the story of Adam and Eve. The snake that tempts Eve, causing her fall from grace.

Keir: Scales

The Latin here is obscured a bit but it says "Fatum// vestrum vel extaneus" meaning "Your fate is at stake". This one leaves me wondering quite a bit. It says 'your' as if it's talking to the player, to us. To Vesper. This could tie into how Vesper is roped into Mouse Hole, how they are forced to get a noose around their neck like the rest of those living in Mouse Hole. They have to perform well in the heist that happens otherwise they risk death that comes a lot sooner than would be caused by fractum anima. They also risk the lives of Keir and those in Mouse Hole.

The imagery here is super interesting too. Scales are usually associated with justice which happens to be Oleander's tarot card. Scales, are obviously associated with balance, with equilibrium, and fair deals. While we mostly see one side of the scale it seems to be balanced. And in combination with the Latin, I think it's referring to the delicate balance that is Keir's life. A balance of his line of work being risky but lucrative, but if it's too much of a risk, he not only risks his life but all the others in Mouse Hole.

Oleander: Human Skull

"Pantiantur// sicut habes" roughly translates to "Let them suffer as you have" which, WOW. OKAY. Again, Oleander delivers his own form of justice to Lord Valentine by delivering the same thing Valentine tried to do to Oleander, but more personal. Let them suffer as you have. It brings to mind the "eye for an eye" metaphor. An eye for an eye and the world goes blind. But Justice is blind is she not? The skull imagery is interesting as well. This is all painting Oleander as a very dangerous man. Charming and witty, with a flair for the dramatic, yes, but dangerous all the same. A man who can kill. In the neutral ending he says, "For now you are safe with me. If you want to stay like that, you need to follow my lead." If he doesn't have the same attachment to you as he does in the good ending, you are an asset to him and he doesn't spare you the same kindness.

Francesco: Hour Glass

"Tempus//decurrit" means "time is running out". His is the shortest and simplest of the secondary ones. He is running out of time. He rushes you at the tailor to get an outfit made because he can't afford to wait. He wants to get as much as he can, done in the time he has left. No time to waste. The hourglass is the same message. Time is running out. It makes me wonder what is causing his time to run out. Here's the thing, Vesper's time is also running out with Fractum Anima, and interesting connection and it would be interesting if he also had it or something similar but I don't think that's the case with the other things we have seen. With the other things, the "innocent nobles of France" bit and the Wheel of Fortune, It feels like it's alluding to an execution to something similar. But that's purely speculation. That's it! That's what I have! (Thanks to Atlas on discord for great resources and helping me connect the dots with the numbers and tarot!!)

[thiccschief]

Coach's Big Secret, Pt. 2

Part two of (three, probably?)

As usual this will be longer than I expected lol. Part three coming soon!

Contains rapid male weight gain, sexual themes, bloating. Slight inflation themes, but mostly weight gain.

Part one is here.

“Ohhh shit!” You let out a moan as you feel the cream flow faster through the nozzle and into you. You can feel the pressure in your belly increase as it fills with the fattening cream. Simultaneously, you watch with both fear and arousal as your body rapidly transforms. You’re getting fatter much faster now! “I’ve gotta be at least… 250 at this point.” You say as your hands explore your rapidly softening body.

“Hm… let’s find out! I fitted the middle of the room with a high-capacity scale beneath the floor.” Coach replies as he walks over to the wall and turns on a display. In large, red numbers “254. Shit big guy, your body is absorbing the cream nice and fast.” Coach grins and walks behind you, and gently helps you squeeze out of your now incredibly tight shirt. “You won’t be fitting into this again…” He says in a low, gruff tone.

Coach then positions himself directly behind you and reaches his strong arms around your belly, and begins to gently rub it. “You’re doing great, big guy. Just keep breathing and let it happen. I can’t wait to see what my special recipe does to you…” He whispers in that low, dominant tone, making you shiver. While one hand rubs your swelling gut, his other makes its way down to your throbbing manhood, and gently gives it a couple strokes. “And I can tell that you’re just as excited as me, big boy.”

“Fuck sir…” you manage to say. This is all so arousing, it was almost paralyzing. All you can think is that you need more. To be bigger. To let Coach have his way with you.

He gives your belly a firm slap before walking around to admire you from the front. “Shit, you’re really filling out! I mean look at these…” He gives your fattening tits a good jiggle, grazing your nipples. You let out a moan, your nipples have never felt so sensitive before! It has to be something to do with the cream, or growing bigger. Coach grins as you mischievously “you like that, fat boy? If you think those tits are sensitive now, just you wait…”

You look up at the screen. 268. You’re really piling it on now. As you look in the mirror, you notice your love handles are really becoming prominent. Additionally, your ass is now significantly larger than it was even ten minutes ago. And most surprisingly, your dick is starting to get buried beneath an encroaching fat pad. “Shit sir… how big are you going to make me?”

“Hmm. I’m not sure yet. I think…” Coach pauses for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. “I think we’ll know it when we see it. But I’m thinking big. I want to show you off to the other boys on the team, and shock them with how much of a lardass you’ve become.”

Your face growing red with embarrassment at the thought of facing the team like this, you're also incredibly turned on at the thought. “Shit yeah. Make me your fucking prize hog.” You reply. As hot as it is, it still feels surreal talking to your coach like this. It’s almost like a dream.

277. “Hmm… definitely in chubby territory now, but still way too small…” Coach says as he gives your belly a hard slap. “I think you can take a little more, don’t you think?”

“Yes sir” you reply, eagerly waiting to see what Coach has in store. You watch as he picks up the remote again, and presses a button. You instantly hear the pump in the tank increase its speed and feel the cream rush into you faster, inducing a moan to escape your mouth.

“There we go, big guy. So I will admit, I haven’t done much testing with this speed or beyond, so it may fill you faster than your body can absorb the cream. This might cause some… side effects. Just relax and you’ll be fine.” Coach says, encouragingly.

“I can take it, give it to me, sir!” You reply, eager to please Coach. You see him grin in response.

Back to his low, gruff tone, “Yeah? What a greedy hog. I love watching you swell up like this, it’s so fucking hot.” Coach then undoes his belt and drops his khakis, revealing his massive bulge in his boxers. Noticing your gaze, he grabs his bulge with one hand and gives it a shake. “I know you want this too, big boy. Maybe when we’re done I can top you off…” Coach gives you another sly grin as he returns his attention to your swelling form.

289. You look down and realize you can see nothing except your bloated, growing belly and tits. As you look in the mirror you can see your thighs are now much bigger, paired with your swelling ass.

297. As the cream continues to rush into your ass, the pressure in your belly is building slowly, as if your body cannot absorb it fast enough. Is this what Coach was talking about? It keeps swelling bigger and bigger, giving you a nice, round ballgut. “Coach?” you ask, “I’m getting pretty… bloated.”

“Ah, yeah that can happen. Just relax. Your belly should hold the excess cream until it can be absorbed to make you bigger. Just enjoy the feeling of fullness. It’s part of the fun” he replies, calmly. “You’re doing great, big guy.”

323. As you continue to get fatter and fatter, the pressure inside your belly is getting more and more intense as well. “Fuck… Coach… It’s getting really tight…” You say, your breathing heavy as you rub your swollen belly.

Coach pauses the machine and walks up behind you, reaching his arms around your belly. He begins gently rubbing your belly in circular motions and leans his head to the side, his lips near your ear. “You’re doing great so far, champ” he whispers in a low tone. “Just relax and let it happen. Just submit to the cream.”

As Coach rubs your belly, helping the calories absorb into your body, your belly rumbles softly. “Shit that feels good, sir…” You say, your head back and eyes shut in relief. You feel your belly rumble again and suddenly *buuUrrRp* “Sorry Coach…” You say, meekly.

“Making room for more, big guy?” Coach says with a chuckle. “Just let it all out, bud. Relax and let it all happen.” He slowly pulls away and gives your belly a pat. “Alright. Ready? I think you should be good to take some more.”

“Yes sir. Make me bigger!”

Part three is here.

[linkemon]

I won't say I'm in love (Shroud Idia x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

ɪᴅɪᴀ ᴛʀɪᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇᴀʟ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴜɴᴄᴏᴍꜰᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ᴍᴜᴄʜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏʀɪɢɪɴᴀʟ ᴍᴇɢᴀʀᴀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴇʀᴄᴜʟᴇꜱ. ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏ, ʜᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴏᴛᴏᴍᴇ, ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴀɪɴ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʀᴘɢꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀ ᴡʜʏ ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ꜱᴏ ʜᴀʀᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ʜɪᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴀᴄᴄᴇᴘᴛ ɪᴛ.

— Ortho, can you repeat that again? — Idia blinked rapidly.  

He stared at his brother as if he had suddenly sprouted three heads. In the darkness, illuminated only by the light falling from the screen, he had the impression that the dark, robotic silhouette had turned into Cerberus. A huge dog standing guard in the doorway. He would love to cross to the other side of this imaginary Styx but he couldn't. Such betrayal? His own brother stabbing him in the back?  

— Bro, you don't have to be so dramatic…— Ortho shook his head. — I invited [Reader] because you haven't seen each other for a long time and...  

— And you don't see any problem? You're a huge red flag for doing this behind my back. —The older brother hugged the pillow. The huge dakimakura seemed to help him shut out the world.  

The youngest Shroud turned on the light. The glow of LED bulbs seemed to peer into every corner. It was looking for colourful wrappers from sweets imported from abroad. It skimmed over every screw and scrap of metal from failed projects. It even discovered piles of comic books mixed with records falling out of their packaging. The room was a mess. Ortho was aware of this. However, he stated that it was not worth turning the knife in the wound. He did not comment on the state of affairs. Instead, he turned on the quick cleaning mode. Idia joined him reluctantly. Silently, with a suffering face, he threw the garbage into a large bag.  

Ortho wondered what exactly he had done wrong. According to his information, [Reader] and Idia did not have a quarrel. On the contrary. Since everyone had returned from S.T.Y.X. HQ, he felt like his brother had finally made some friends. People he likes spending time with. They played games together and sometimes he even let them take him outside, which was a big success in itself. The prefect didn't mind his enthusiasm for fantasy. She seemed happy to learn about the media that reigns supreme in Twisted Wonderland. She hadn't had much opportunity to explore this side of the world, so Shroud was quietly happy to introduce the, as he put it, noob to the most important corners of Internet.  

The contact ended quite suddenly. Ortho didn't need special programs to notice that something was wrong. He asked [Reader] directly but she said that Idia was apparently very busy with a new project. He would have believed it if he hadn't lived with him. How busy can you be watching the same old Premo concert for the thirty-third time in two weeks? His brother looked like he couldn't find a place in his own beloved room and didn't want to say what was going on. So Ortho did what he always did — he pushed him. The invitation was the first step. What he will do with this fact will be his initiative alone. With that thought he left the room.  

There was a faint knocking sound through the metal door. Idia felt like he had just had a heart attack. He had a choice:  

a) pretend he's not there (20% effective, most people on campus knew it wasn't true because he used this attack too often)  

b) say that he is sick (an even worse plan, because someone will definitely take him to the hygienist)  

c) ask [Reader] to go away (a tragic choice in RPGs that causes you to lose a companion; if she hasn't hated him by now, she definitely will after this option)  

d) open the door like a civilized person his parents tried to raise him to be (he will be given the fearful status but will gain +10 courage)  

He decided on the last option and, taking a deep breath, opened the door.  

— Hi! — [Reader] immediately went to her usual place on the huge pouffe. She fell on it like a giant starfish from the Octavinelle aquarium.  

The boy expected anything. Or at least reproaches. He didn't fully understand himself. Was he such a good liar? NO. He wasn't stupid. He knew his capabilities. He was never great at this. Unless we're talking about framing someone from the opposing team in games but that's not the case. Maybe he was annoyed that she didn't miss him as much as he missed her...  

— I brought us a new game. Cater recently mentioned that his sisters had some to give away because they were bored of them, so I took all they had.  

— What do you have there? — he risked a safe question.  

The girl handed him a colourful package. He guessed that the record was second-hand. The colourful cover looked like it had seen better days. However, after seeing a crowd of pretty 2D men, he guessed what genre he was dealing with. Visual novel. And not just any kind. In his hands he held an otome…  

— Reincarnated in a fantasy world with six princes after being run over by a carriage... Okay, this title is so long it doesn't even fit on the cover. Meet them all: rules-loving, wild, THIS ONE IS A MERMAID?!  

He didn't feel like reading the rest. Idia wasn't a noob when it came to otome. On the contrary. He ate his teeth on all possible game genres. Usually, however, he made sure that they maintained any level. However, this title seemed to him like a bunch of random tropes. Someone on the other side just had to wait to throw them all together and create their fan dream.  

— I guess we can just take making choices — he said, inserting the disc into the console.  

— Don't worry, good people, for ladyknightskibidi:3 has arrived! — announced the prince with the archetype of the mysterious figure.  

— Idia, you have the humor of a seven-year-old — said the girl, seeing the MC nickname written on the screen.  

— But admit it, you're enjoying it. — Shroud handed over the controller.  

The heroine's long hair waved in the wind. Her eyes seemed to contain the light of all the stars. Rose petals were floating in the air and their strong scent seemed to captivate everyone around. Even though it was the middle of winter and they basically should be dead...  

— You can even choose the colour of the horse. Do you think this is important to the plot? And what if we miss the illustration? — [Reader's] hand hovered over the controller.  

— It's an obvious move. They want us to think that white is assigned to the pretty guy and black is assigned to the mysterious guy. Meanwhile, it's quite the opposite. I don't know who the last one is assigned to but it doesn't matter — Idia said.  

The white steed, a brave companion on many journeys, headed towards the main gate, where ladyknightskibidi:3 met the archetypal prince with a heart of gold who was talking to an NPC. She made her purchases, although they actually had no impact on the plot and were just a cash grab to force players to buy new outfits for the characters. So she left without a new dress, which was highlighted in the illustration by the armor that did not match the idyllic setting. After all, who says you can't kiss in full armor on the beach...?  

— There's no way we're going to pay for any DLC. Who do they think they are?  

— Do you know what the process of publishing indie games looks like? They have to make money somehow.  

— I don't care, we don't pay! I got this from Cater. Free is a fair price.  

The heroine saw the ultimate villain of the series, whom she had to defeat. With the power of kindness, friendship and, of course, sarcasm. Mostly sarcasm. Dressed in completely mismatched clothes because good stats are the most important. Even if it means you get married in a neon hat... The most important thing is that MC and her groom rode off into the sunset. Good ending unlocked. Now just repeat this a few times and multiply it by each save to also make bad endings...  

— Is it the end already? I understand they had to cram in a few routes but this is so short. — Shroud shook his head.  

The screen showed a colourful collage of obtainable illustrations. The end credits and the creators' names were scattered between them.  

The chosen one of MC's heart seemed to be smiling mockingly at Idia from behind the glass. Here is another story where someone like Vil from Pomefiore wins a girl's heart. Handsome, rich and famous. The complete package.  

— Oh yes, beautiful and perfect type. Why am I not surprised that bishōnen won? — Shroud mumbled into his sweatshirt sleeve.  

Unfortunately not quiet enough.  

— Idia, need I remind you that you also made half of the choices. You're also responsible for the outcome — [Reader] commented, putting down the controller.  

— I chose exactly as normies do in real life.  

— It's not about the game at all, is it? — [Reader] looked straight at him. — You've been avoiding me for two weeks. — So he really wasn't a good liar after all, he thought. — I don't think I gave you a reason to be offended but if I did, just tell me. And if it's another S.T.Y.X. problem, I'll try to do something too but I can't help you if you don't talk to me at all.  

Communication was never his default stat. However, he had to admit that he rarely tried to put any points into this skill tree. He just didn't develop it. He really wanted to start but just thinking about it felt like the ends of his hair were starting to change colour. The edges of the metalic chairs reflected an embarrassing red. As always, his hair had to betray him.  

Idia was a nerd. He thought through the situation in several hundred different ways and came up with tons of potential solutions. So why wasn't this conversation in any of his plans? Why was it so difficult to put any of the imaginary conversations into action? His brain went into a glitch because he had to face this hopeless truth that he didn't want to reveal even to his own brother.  

What could he say? [Reader] didn't deserve this prolonged, embarrassing silence. But she waited patiently despite two weeks of being ignored. So he did what was the only thing that came to his mind.  

— I'm an NPC — he finally said.  

— Okaaay. — Prefect of Ramshackle tilted her head uncertainly.  

— No, you don't understand — he sighed, rubbing his forehead. — For example, take the MC from Reincarnated in a fantasy world... uh... the MC from this game. You are like her. The main character is always running around and helping all the characters around her, without looking at herself. She doesn't even realize that she is smart, selfless and beautiful. She always knows what to say to bad guys and is not afraid to fight. And then a prince arrives on a white horse. He's pretty, rich, and provides her with everything she needs. There are no flaws because that's not how you write ikemens. They just should be cool and that's it. Then these two come together and boom! Good ending. At their wedding, the creators will put the NPC who sells you items in the crowd because they don't want to make a new model, so they can use it. In the sequel, maybe he'll even say a few words and you'll find out that he has a brother, a magic workshop and will repair your carriage but that's where the relationship ends. He will stand by the gate and sigh because he loves her but he will never tell her because he is not even in this game. He was never selected so he didn't make it to the cover...  

Everything he said came to him with a delay. When it came to games, his brain had always thought faster. But now he cursed him inwardly because the statement seemed to hang heavy in the air.  

[Reader] looked at him searching for something. She seemed to weigh her words. But he was prepared for anything. He played so many bad endings. This one will just be another one of them. So why was his heart beating so terribly fast and he was silently praying to his favourite idols to just take him away?  

— There are almost always secret routes in otome — the girl said.  

— Huh? Idia blinked rapidly. — I've played more otome than you, I don't know if you should educate me…— [Reader]'s raised brow made him stop talking.  

— The truth is, I played it a little with the Cater's sisters. This game also has a secret route. The seventh romance character is hidden. You unlock it when you pass…  

—…all routes — Shroud interjected. — Okay, I'm seriously shutting up now — he added, looking down.  

— This character is an item NPC. — [Reader] paused in case the boy was to interrupt her again but nothing happened. — What I mean is that the MC can also choose an NPC. If only he tells her how he feels and wants to take part in the game.  

The screen illuminated her face with a pale glow and the boy realized that in the darkness she really looked like the main character. How can you seriously say something so cool, as if nothing happened? She stared at him with silent expectation. He wanted to scream into dakimakura but he probably wouldn't look too cool doing it. So he mentally prayed to his idols. If there was ever a time the Premos should help him, this was it.

— In the game, the MC makes decisions, so technically she has no causative power and... Ahem. Okay. I know that I'm going too far. Sooo... would you like to go on a date with me? But it's best not to go to Mostro Lounge because there are a lot of people there and for the first time it could be tragically scary and...  

— Idia?  

— Yes? — He swallowed loudly.  

— I'll go on a date with you but your hair is burning the controller right now...  

[swampgallows]

Now we know how COVID attacks your heart

Even patients with mild COVID symptoms could face a higher risk of developing heart disease and stroke

By Sanjay Mishra Nov 07, 2023 04:08 PM 5 min. read

Scientists have noticed that COVID-19 can trigger serious cardiovascular problems, especially among older people who have a buildup of fatty material in their blood vessels. But now a new study has revealed why and shown that SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19, directly infects the arteries of the heart.

The study also found that the virus can survive and grow inside the cells that form plaque—the buildup of fat-filled cells that narrow and stiffen the arteries leading to atherosclerosis. If the plaque breaks, it can block blood flow and cause a heart attack or a stroke. The SARS-CoV-2 infection makes the situation worse by inflaming the plaque and increasing the chance that it breaks free.

This can explain long-term cardiovascular effects seen in some, if not all, COVID-19 patients.

SARS-CoV-2 virus has already been found to infect many organs outside the respiratory system. But until now it hadn't been shown to attack the arteries.

"No one was really looking if there was a direct effect of the virus on the arterial wall," says Chiara Giannarelli, a cardiologist at NYU Langone Health, in New York, who led the study. Giannarelli noted that her team detected viral RNA—the genetic material in the virus—in the coronary arteries. “You would not expect to see [this] several months after recovering from COVID.”

Mounting evidence now shows that SARS-CoV-2 is not only a respiratory virus, but it can also affect the heart and many other organ systems, says Ziyad Al-Aly, a clinical epidemiologist at Washington University in St. Louis. Al-Aly's research has shown that the risk of developing heart and cardiovascular diseases, including heart failure, stroke, irregular heart rhythms, cardiac arrest, and blood clots increases two to five times within a year of COVID-19, even when the person wasn't hospitalized.

"This important study links, for the first time, directly the SARS-CoV-2 virus with atherosclerotic plaque inflammation," says Charalambos Antoniades, chair of cardiovascular medicine at the University of Oxford, United Kingdom.

Virus triggers the inflammation in plaque

A recent study of more than 800,000 people led by Fabio Angeli, a cardiologist at University of Insubria in Varese, Italy, has shown that COVID-19 patients develop high blood pressure twice as often as others. More worrying is that the risk of cardiac diseases can also rise for patients who suffered only mild COVID symptoms.

"I saw a patient who now has a defibrillator, and she didn't even have a severe [COVID] illness," says Bernard Gersh, a cardiologist at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota.

Wondering whether the cardiovascular damage during COVID was due to the virus directly attacking the blood vessels, the NYU team analyzed autopsied tissue from the coronary arteries and plaque of older people who had died from COVID-19. They found the virus was present in the arteries regardless of whether the fatty plaques were big or small.

"The original finding in this study is that the virus was convincingly found in the plaque in the coronary artery," says Juan Carlos Kaski, a cardiovascular specialist at St George's, University of London, who was not involved in the study.

The NYU team found that in the arteries, the virus predominantly colonized the white blood cells called macrophages. Macrophages are immune cells that are mobilized to fight off an infection, but these same cells also absorb excess fats—including cholesterol from blood. When microphages load too much fat, they change into foam cells, which can increase plaque formation.

To confirm that the virus was indeed infecting and growing in the cells of the blood vessels, scientists obtained arterial and plaque cells—including macrophages and foam cells—from healthy volunteers. Then they grew these cells in the lab in petri dishes and infected them with SARS-CoV-2.

Giannarelli found that although virus infected macrophages at a higher rate than other arterial cells, it did not replicate in them to form new infectious particles. But when the macrophages had become loaded with cholesterol and transformed into foam cells, the virus could grow, replicate, and survive longer.

"We found that the virus tended to persist longer in foam cells," says Giannarelli. That suggests that foam cells might act as a reservoir of SARS-CoV-2. Since more fatty buildup would mean a greater number of foam cells, plaque can increase the persistence of the virus or the severity of COVID-19.

Scientists found that when macrophages and foam cells were infected with SARS-CoV-2 they released a surge of small proteins known as cytokines, which signal the immune system to mount a response against a bacterial or viral infection. In arteries, however, cytokines boost inflammation and formation of even more plaque.

"We saw that there was a degree of inflammation [caused] by the virus that could aggravate atherosclerosis and cardiovascular events," says Giannarelli.

These findings also confirm previous reports that measuring inflammation in the blood vessel wall can diagnose the extent of long-term cardiovascular complications after COVID-19, says Antoniades.

"What this study has found is that plaque rupture can be accelerated and magnified by the presence of the virus," says Kaski.

Understanding heart diseases after COVID

While this new research clearly shows that SARS-CoV-2 can infect, grow, and persist in the macrophages of plaques and arterial cells, more studies are needed to fully understand the many ways COVID-19 can alter cardiac health.

"The NYU study identifies one potential mechanism, especially the viral reservoir, to explain the possible effects" says Gersh. "But It's not going to be the only mechanism."

This study only analyzed 27 samples from eight elderly deceased patients, all of whom already had coronary artery disease and were infected with the original strains of virus. So, the results of this study do not necessarily apply to younger people without coronary artery disease; or to new variants of the virus, which cause somewhat milder disease, says Angeli.

"We do not know if this will happen in people who have been vaccinated," says Kaski. "There are lots of unknowns."

It is also not clear whether and to what extent the high inflammatory reaction observed in the arteries of patients within six months after the infection, as shown in the new study, will last long-enough to trigger new plaque formation. "New studies are needed to show the time-course of the resolution of vascular inflammation after the infection," says Antoniades.

COVID patients should watch for any new incidence of shortness of breath with exertion, chest discomfort, usually with exertion, palpitations, loss of consciousness; and talk to their physician about possible heart disease.

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Eleven: [The Man]

Summary: When Jake and Jensen go head to head over who means what yo you, things escalate to new heights, so much so that Jake lashes out and says something that may not be forgiven.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil. Mentions of religion. JEALOUS JAKE!

Word Count: 5.6K

Author Note: This chapter brings the total word count of this series to 50k....I cannot believe that an idea that began as a one-shot has turned into this. Thank you all so much for your support on this one. xxx

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

There was a brief moment right before your shower where Jake was able to step out into the hall to call his sister Jasmine. He knew the call he was about to make was going to be neither short, nor pleasant. But he also knew that deep down, you weren’t mentally prepared to tell your children you were sick. But the pair of you had to start somewhere. And that somewhere was Jake’s sister. 

“What the FUCK is going on!” One single ring. One dial. That's how long it took Jake's sister to answer, hell, Jake thought it would have been sooner but he gave her a little good grace for potentially having to step out of whatever family dynamic she found herself in. “Mum said Y/n’s sick?” 

“Did she say it like that?” Jake replied unamused as he found an empty chair to sit on in the waiting room area down the hall. He didn't want to stray too far away from your room. Although he knew that you were with the nurses, he couldn't find it inside himself to leave. If Jake tried hard enough, he could still see your bed socks at the end of your hospital bed. 

“Uh–” Jasmine's apprehensive silence confirmed all Jake needed to know. “She may have said it with a little hope in her chest, mentioned the words dropped and dead in the same sentence of wishful thinking.” Jake couldn’t say he was surprised after the way Janeen had spoken so poorly about you directly to his face. He couldn't really imagine what she’d been saying to other members of the Seresin family. “But what's going on? I'm keeping an eye on the kids as much as I can but holy shit mum's just on a warpath–” 

Fuck: Jake knew leaving the kids behind was a bad idea on his behalf. The guilt of running off on his children in the middle of the night was beginning to eat him alive. The idea of lying to them about your condition only made that guilt harder to rationalise. 

“Okay, can you just promise me you won’t tell the kids?” Jake groaned into the phone. “Y/n doesn't want them to worry so she doesn't want to say too much.” 

“Jake–” Jasmine's voice changed, the serious nature of the conversation at hand was beginning to shine through with ease. “She's alright, isn't she?” Jasmine asked as Jake let his elbows rest on top of his thighs. This whole situation, the newly found world of which you were living in was begging to give Jake the head spins. Keeping up was exhausting, but this wasn't about Jake now was it. “This is Y/n we’re talking about, she has to be alright.”

Unbeknownst to you, Jake had been reading all your files, all your reports, everything and anything he could get his hands on about your diagnosis. After all, he had been named your emergency contact not long after showing up. He’d made a convincing case. Jake knew a lot about your current situation. He knew the odds, chances, risks and possibilities. 

“She's been diagnosed with Stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma.” Jake explained to his sister who on the other end of the call, sat watching his youngest try to eat the sand from the sandpit Jake himself used to shit in as a child. “The oral chemo they had her started on caused a stroke, apparently it's a common side effect, to me they shouldn't be pumping people full of that crap if its gonna cause a fucking stroke forty percent of the time.” 

Jake knew the silence on the other end of the line was due to an overload of information getting caught in his sister's cerebellum. It was a lot to take in, hell Jake still hadn’t really been given an opportunity to take it all in. since he found out he’d been go go go. He knew an impending moment of weakness mixed with overall exhaustion was coming. When that moment would come he wasn't sure. 

“You’re lying–” Was all Jasmine said. Jake wished more than anything he could say he was. 

“Fucked up thing to lie about Jas–” Jake responded softly as he listened to the hustle and bustle of the hospital wing his sat in. “She hadn’t been feeling well for a few months, Doctors say it's aggressive, feeds off her hormones and stuff.” Jake didn't understand a lot of it, but he was trying his best to navigate a field he wasn't an excerpt in. “She's in for a preventative double mastectomy on Christmas Eve. It would've been earlier but the strokes kinda set her back a few days.” 

“Jake– I don't believe you, the kids–what about the kids, what do I tell them?” Jasmine couldn't comprehend the devastation this would cause on the already struggling family dynamic. You and Jake were meant to be, everyone knew that. But this whole separation, the miscommunication and overall fractures within your marriage were all major contributing factors as to why love just couldn’t be enough.

“Don't tell them anything, please, for the love of God Jas don't tell them anything, I just–” Jake let out a sigh of frustration as he ran his hand free hand through his hair. God he needed a haircut. “We just need a little time to process what's going on and Y/n–she's been doing this for too long on her own, I can’t keep letting her down so just, take a moment to breathe for me.” 

“Holy fuck you aren’t kidding about any of this are you?” Jasmine with all her good graces and problematic marital issues of her own, looked over at where her husband sat with hers and Jake's father. The sight was enough to send a shiver down her spine. The man who raised her was not someone who Jasmine ever wanted her brother to become. Losing your wife to such a disease that was as unforgiving as it was inhumane could potentially be an origin story bubbling under the surface of Jake's skin. 

“Jake–You don't get to turn into dad if this ends anything less than Y/n walking away from this cancer free Jake, your kids deserve to have a dad that won't treat them like burdens and mistakes.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~**

“Watch your step alright?” Our skulls are designed to cushion our brains. Our rib cages are specifically moulded to guard our hearts. The human body is built to protect our most vulnerable parts. At least, that’s how it’s supposed to work. 

The way in which Jake helped to guide you out of the bathroom with his hand pressed firmly against the small of your back made your heart skip a beat. You held tightly onto his forearm with one hand and in the other? Was your IV poll, still pumping you full of antibiotics and fluids. 

“I got it.” You tried to focus on just putting one foot in front of the other. That's what this whole thing was about right? This battle, this fight. It was all about putting one foot in front of the other. With Jake by your side, albeit with some underlying resentment still to be discussed, you felt as though those steps, small but meaningful in their own right, were made with intent and purpose to keep fighting. “Shit the air-con feels so weird on my head.” You chuckled to yourself as Jake shut the bathroom door behind the both of you. 

“Yeah holy shit it's like–” As Jake's eyeline faltered from you to the figure standing over near the door, his heart sunk into his stomach. His face turned to stone as the green in his eyes, usually an emerald colour, darkened to something more pine-like. The half finished sentence that left your husband's mouth and tailed off into complete and utter silence was what got your attention the most. It wasn't like Jake to not say what was on his mind. 

“What's up?” As you turned your head slowly, you saw the man who had been nothing but a pillar of support for you to lean on since your diagnosis. It was the man who had kept you above water when you felt like you’d been drowning in a sea of unprecedented mortality. “Jensen–” The shock and excitement in your tone was something Jake couldn't miss no matter how much he wanted to. “You came?” 

Jake made no attempt to move as you shuffled forward, he stood still with his heart hammering inside his chest. He stood completely still as his thoughts carried him away into a world where nothing made sense to anyone. Into a world where he didn't have you, a world where for the last year he’d tasted of that very misery and hated every last second of it. 

“I uh–” Jensen held out the bouquet of sweet peas, peonies and pansies he’d brought for you. The overwhelming colours and signature scents captivated the entire room with their freshness. “I wanted to stop by, see how you were doing, hope I'm not intruding?” 

The body tends to adapt quickly to new circumstances and pressures it’s put under. It knows how to protect itself. But it can’t close off completely, or well—we’re not really living are we? Biology tends to override our fears, so we leave the door open, just a little…hoping like hell that it's worth the risk. 

“Oh no, no we just finished up some DIY haircuts.” You beamed, the smile that ignited across your face was a smile Jake hadn't seen in years. A smile so pure and full of love that it couldn't ever be faked. “Jake, this is Jensen.” You introduced the two men who had played significant roles in your life, having no clue that they had both already met one another in the hall. “We met at the doctors office, as unfortunate as that sounds, it's been really nice to have someone who just, knows.” Jake slowly but surely aided you over to your bed before he made his way over to where Jensen stood watching idly. Assessing the situation unfolding before him. “Jensen convinced me to go to a few of those CCA meetings, although not my cup of tea–it's nice to know that that support system is there.” 

Jake eyed Jensen and his bouquet of flowers off as he stepped closer and closer with a look Jensen couldn't quite read in his pine green eyes. The betrayal of love often has boundaries that people end up living with for the rest of their lives. For Jake, his betrayal and the consequences of his emotional ineptitude inside his marriage was starting to play out right before his very eyes. 

He saw the potential that there was in fact another man. And oh boy did he hate it. 

“And Jensen, this is Jake, my husband.” Jensen took subtle notice of the way you introduced Jake to him as your husband, not your ex-husband like you'd been referring to him as since the two of you first met. Something had changed, Jensen could sense it. But for as much as Jensen could sense the chemistry between you and Jake, Jake could see the way your eyes lit up with overjoyous surprise when you realised that the flowers Jensen held in his hand were in fact for you. “Are those, are those for me?” 

“Oh–yeah.” Jensen beamed as he walked a little further into your room. “I thought they might bring a little light into your room but it seems that you have it pretty well decorated.” It was the small nod to the Christmas lights that hung around your room that made you smile even brighter as Jake made his way back over and helped you into bed. You could tell there was tension brewing just from his quietness alone. “And the new haircut suits you, good thing you don't have a weird ass head huh?”

“Hey Jarred–” Jake interrupted before you had a chance to reply, the way he intentionally called Jensen by a different name rubbed you the wrong way. The frown that cast itself across your face left little to Jake's imagination, but as he made sure you were as comfortable as could be in your bed, he kept going. “Nows, probably not a good time–” 

Jensen looked around your room carefully, he knew the system well and what times were more common than not for nurses to do their daily rounds and check-ins. He knew that by the looks of things you had just showered and were probably settling in for the afternoon. If Jensen was correct in his assumption as he looked back towards where Jake stood at your bedside, he would assume that he couldn't have picked a better time to drop by. 

“Seems like a pretty good time to me man, besides, why don't we let Y/n here make that call.” Jensen replied calmly as he went about finding a place for your flowers to go. Jensen could have played the safe card, he could have chosen to be the bigger person and not mention it, but he didn't really have a hell of alot to lose. After all, he was a dead man walking. What was the harm in stirring the pot a little where he still could. “Honestly, I didn't expect you to be here if I'm being completely honest.” Jensen smirked as he turned back to face Jake. You felt like your heart was about to explode right through your chest as you looked back and forth between the two men who had seemingly gotten into a mines bigger than yours contest on either side of your bedside. “Didn't think you knew your wife was sick–” 

The silence was deafening as Jake thought about all the ways he could kill a man in one single motion. The rage he felt inside his chest was red hot jealousy. Jensen could practically see the steam spewing out of Jake's years. 

“What my wife decides to share with me has nothing to do with you–” Jake growled, you could just see the way he was grinding his teeth. Jake's jawline had never seemed more profound. His knuckles were almost entirely white as he leaned against the railing of your hospital bed. Lowered down for convenience of getting in and out. 

“It does when I’ve been the one listening to how much she wishes you loved her the same way she loves you.” Jensen shrugged. “Come on man, don't play this game, don't pretend that I don't know what been going on–” 

“Enough!” You couldn't have shouted it slider if you tried. “Both of you, my god we’re all supposed to be adults here?” You sighed as you looked at Jake and then over to Jensen. Something was off with him, this wasn't the Jensen you knew. He seemed off, very off. “Can you two just back up, let's start over.” However, it was a plea that fell on deaf ears.

Remember that impending moment of weakness mixed with overall exhaustion Jake mentioned earlier? Yeah– about that. Guess it was coming around the corner sooner rather than later. 

“Nah–” Jake shook his head as he let out a sigh. This was bullshit, you really had him fooled. He really did think that there was a possibility here that maybe, just maybe, the two of you could fix what he had unintentionally broken while focusing on your health. “Nah, I'm not gonna put up with this dickhead.” Jake hissed as unclenched his hands from the railing on your bed. “I'm gonna go get a coffee, try not to catch each other's cancer cells while I'm gone.” 

“Jake, don't leave!” You begged as you sat up a little straighter in your bed. “Please—“ The panic that followed was something otherworldly as you watched Jake round out of the hospital room that had become your home away from home. “Please!” 

Jensen was if anything, enraged. He hadn’t helped the situation but he never would have left your side after making a remark so thickly lacquered with jealousy. He didn't think Jake would react the way he did, so quick to make assumptions. The small gift Jensen still held in his hand was quickly placed on your bedside table. 

“I’ll go talk to him—“ Jensen pressed his lips together as he let his hand fall gently to your shoulder. “My fault, I shouldn't have said what I did, I'm sorry.” Jensen didn't pretend to not see how upset you truly were. He understood what it was like to feel the weight of the world crushing your spirit. “He didn't mean what he said Y/n.” 

“He did–” You sighed as you wiped away your tears. “He asked me when he came to take the kids to his mum's house if I was seeing anyone–” 

Ah, Jensen thought to himself as he stood by your bedside and listened. 

“He wants to get back together, fix what's broken, change.” You sighed as you looked over to the open door that Jake hadn't long before walked out of. “He probably thinks you're more than a friend.” In another life, perhaps Jensen could have been more than just a good friend. In another universe somewhere he hoped that maybe you never had this unforgiving disease. But this wasn't another reality, this was right now. 

“All the more reason to fight for his girl.” Jensen cooed as he leaned in to kiss the top of your now very smooth head. “I'll go talk to your husband.” 

You caught onto the not so subtle subtlety of the way Jensen teased that title. Husband. Jake Seresin was still very much your husband. He was the very definition of a man who was supposed to be at your side through thick and thin. But right now? You were doubting his ability to fully comprehend what was happening to you. Jake’s focus shouldn’t have been on Jensen and who he was to you. But yet you couldn’t not defend him. 

“He’s not a bad guy, he’s really not—“ There was an awkward silence that lingered in the room as Jensen chose to take in what you’d said. “This is all just so much for him to take in.” 

“You don’t need to explain your relationship to me.” Jensen wanted to say that if Jake was such an alright guy, then you wouldn’t have left. He wanted to remind you of all the conversations the two of you had had over the past few months. All the times you’d cried about the man who didn’t value your time, your energy, your love. “But a woman like you should never have to beg a man to stay.” 

“I left him.” You felt the need to remind the man who stood at your bedside with an ora surrounding him you didn’t recognise. “I stopped begging him to love me a long time ago and you know that.” 

Jensen could have thrown the fact you just called out after Jake back in your face, that you’d begged your husband not to leave. But he wasn’t that mean. He was just looking out for you. Someone had to. Someone had to make sure this Jake guy had his priorities in check and that you were at the very top of that list where you belonged. 

“I know—“ Jensen pressed his lips together into a fine line. “But that guy just walked out the second things got a little more complicated, what’s gonna stop him from throwing in the towel if your health declines more than it already has?” Jensen shrugged his shoulders like he wasn’t being nasty. It was his version of tough love. 

“I’m sorry—“ You scoffed as your face contorted into that of a frown mixed with frustration. “Are you, are you testing Jake?” 

“Cancer is one of the world's most leading causes of divorce.” Jensen added like it was a statistic you should have known. He knew you knew it. “I just wanted to see how well he handled a little external pressure.” 

“You’re—“ Before you could finish your sentence, Jensen was smiling down at you from ear to ear. 

“A menace, I know, but I’m a menace that only has your best interest at heart.” Jensen explained as he sat down beside you for only a brief moment. “Your fight isn’t with Jake right now, he shouldn’t be fighting you or anyone else in your life that may come and go.” 

“Jensen—“ You knew Jensen hadn’t been well, but he hadn’t explicitly told you how bad it was. There was something in his eyes though, the way he looked at you like he was looking at you for the last time that had you worried. “What’s going on with you?” 

“I’m just making sure if you’re letting that man back into your life that he’s gonna stick around when things don’t go the way he wants them to.” Jensen smiled softly as he picked up your hand to bring towards his lips. He left a fleeting kiss upon the palm of your hand and let out a sigh he wasn’t aware he was holding in. “I’ll go track down your sook of a husband, make sure he’s aware that you’re hopelessly devoted or whatever you wanna call it.” 

“Please be nice—“ You pleaded gently as Jensen stood from your bedside. “Please.” 

“Anything for you Y/n.” Jensen replied, he knew that this would be the last time he ever saw you apart from in his own version of heaven. “Anything for you.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~*

Jake Seresin had never been a fan of hospitals. That mentality first started when he broke his leg in kindergarten and needed a full cast, but it grew with him well into adulthood. Jake had never liked hospitals, even when all three of his children were born he still hated them. Not even the love he had for his children could override the hate he felt towards the sterile environment that gave far too many infections to people to be considered ‘normal’ 

“Seresin.” But Jake had never hated hospitals more than he did the second he heard his last name being called from just a short distance down the hall. Called by a man who Jake would happily like to never see again. “The hell is your problem?” Jake caught the sight of the man who’d brought you flowers coming right towards him with a fire burning in his eyes. The man you had kept somewhat a secret from Jake. Much like your diagnosis. 

“My problem is asking me what my problem is.” Jake groaned as he took a sip of his shitty ass hospital coffee. “Don’t you and my wife have things to talk about?” Jake asked as he took a few steps away from where Jensen had stopped in his tracks. “Things I’m not privy to as it seems? Like her health or new love life?” 

“You don’t even know who I am to your wife!” Jensen barked loud enough to have Jake stopping in the middle of the hall. The six foot something aviator turned slowly on his heels to give the almost matching in height bald dude the time of day he seemed to crave. “But I know all about you, because I’ve been there for Y/n while you’ve been busy playing part time parent across the country.” Jensen had nothing to lose, he was just a dying man who had no time left to cherish. 

Jake wasn’t about to stand here and take this. He didn’t need some guy who’d stepped into your life to tell him what to do. You were the mother of Jake’s children, you’d always be that to him regardless if he could fix what he broke. 

“Get out of my face before you need a plastics consult.” Jake growled through gritted teeth all the while Jensen grinned. He was standing his ground as Jake continued on his defensive. “Because so help me god, you may feel like god right now with your self-righteous heart and knight in shining armour attitude, but you sure as hell won’t feel all high and mighty when you meet him.” 

Jensen didn't want to fight with your husband, but he did want to make it known that time was forever fleeting, and if Jake kept going the way he was there would be no time left to fix what he broke. You needed someone to be there for you, Jake had to be that person. 

Because Jensen couldn’t be that guy for you anymore, he had no fight left to give you. He had no fight left in himself. 

“You know I sympathise with you Jake, I do, it must be hard being the guy who broke your own marriage to a woman who loves so fiercely and so much.” Jensen started as he let his elbows rest atop his sweatpants clad knees. “And now having to deal with the fact that said wife is dying must be a lot to work through.” 

Jake remained speechless as his eyes lingered down to the man who was almost out of breath from his walk through the halls. He held his half drunk coffee cup in his hand with enough rage coursing through his veins that Jake was actually surprised he hadn’t crushed the flimsy cardboard vessel. 

“But you know what the worst part of all that is? Is that your priority isn’t your wife, or fixing your marriage—“ Jensen continued on. “No, it’s on the guy who your wife chose to confide in when you were nowhere to be found.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jake replied with a hiss in his tone that mimicked the deadliest of snakes. “I couldn’t give a shit who you are to her or what you want, because she’s my fucking wife—mine!” 

“And yet here you are arguing that point with me in the hall when you could be at her bedside appreciating all the small moments you’ll be lucky to look back on one day.” Jensen grew more heated as Jake took a few strides his way, towering over where Jensen sat. “You threw a fit the second I stepped into that room without using any critical thinking skills you aviators claim to have in the heat of the moment.” 

“She told me she wasn’t seeing anyone! Come to find out that that’s—“ Jake didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Jensen intervened that train of thought. 

“She’s not! You’re wife fucking love’s you!! She kept her prognosis from you because she was so scared you didn’t love her back enough to fucking care! And you’re hung up on the idea she’s seeing someone? Me!?” Jensen scoffed as he stood, the few strides he took towards Jake were made with intent behind every single one. Enough to have Jake stumbling back every so slightly. “Here’s a concept for you man.” Jensen pressed his index finger into Jake’s sternum. “Maybe, just maybe, if I was sleeping with your wife, she’d remember her worth.” 

“You really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jake sighed, there was no way he was entertaining this delusion any more than he already had. “I think you should leave.” The idea of you being with another man sent Jake into a blind rage of jealousy that saw no reason. But at the end of the day, he was the one who walked out on you. He’d strayed too far from your hospital room and couldn’t see your bed socks anymore. 

Fuck….

“Maybe, maybe I should—“ Jensen agreed. “And hell I don’t even know you at all, but from what I’ve managed to piece together? it’s that you're a crap husband who doesn’t have the emotional capacity to handle the fact his wife could lose this battle.” Jensen retaliated with a stone cold expression. “But something I do know is that no amount of prayer or candles or begging will reverse time, so put your ego side and focus on the fact your wife needs you now more than ever before and if you leave her side the way you did today ever again, trust me when I say you’ll regret it every day of your life.” 

“Y/n isn’t dying—“ Much like Jensen was taking his fear of the unknown out on Jake, Jake was just about ready to let loose on the guy who was picking apart his very character. Sure, Jake recognised he wasn’t the best husband, but he also knew you weren’t dying. Not right now, not while he wasn’t by your side. 

“I wasn’t either, but as it turns out we all have an expiry date.” Jensen replied. The atmosphere and energy surrounding the two men who were going head to head suddenly shifted. “Some sooner than others, but we all have one, and when yours is up yours is up and there ain't nothing you can do you extend it.” 

“You’re—“ Jake couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

“A walking corpse.” Jensen finished the sentence he knew Jake was trying to speak into existence. Although he didn’t care to beat around the bush. “So trust me when I tell you that wishful thinking does shit when your body decides it’s had enough.” 

“Does Y/n know?” Jake's first worry was how this news, how this detrimental turn of events, would affect you. His heart forgot how to beat inside his chest when he watched Jensen shake his head in response. 

“She needs to focus on her own journey, and before I go I need to make sure she has a support system because for a while there I was all she seemed to have.” Jensen explained. There it was, the truth of the matter. 

Jake saw it clear as day, the care, the worry, the intention to make sure you had someone there for you because Jensen wasn’t going to be there anymore. You may not have slept with the guy standing before Jake but if Jake knew anything, it was the look of a man who was unequivocally in love with you. He saw his own reflection of Jensen's eyes. 

“Go back, apologies, and you fix your marriage man because that woman? That electrifying woman who sees the good in everything doesn’t deserve to go through this alone—and you turning your back on her the second someone made things a little difficult for you isn’t a good representation of the husband she deserves.” 

“You love her, don’t you?” Jake asked as he took a second to truly take in Jensens whole argument. The world seemed to go on around them, with doctors and nurses carrying out their daily duties and rounds. Family members walking to and from rooms visiting loved ones. But for Jake and Jensen? The world stopped when it came to you. “You’re in love with my wife, say it.” Jake couldn’t hide the pain in his voice. “Tell me you love her, then this all makes sense.” 

“Maybe—“ Jensen tried to play his love for you down into something that was just a social construct. “Maybe I love her, but I don’t get a chance to explore that, you do though.” Jensen was truly trying to hide the pain in his eyes, but Jake could see it all too easily. Jensen knew that. “So if not for yourself, for her, pull your head out of your ass man—“

“I never stopped loving her though.” Jake sighed out in frustration as he sat down on one of the plastic hospital chairs that lined the hallway. Jensen followed soon after, both men decided that the heat of the argument was settling into something more valuable. “I just—I lost sight of what I had.” 

“That’s just not a good enough excuse.” Jensen replied as he let his head fall back against the wall. “Listen, I don’t plan on coming back after I leave today.” 

Jake didn’t respond, he simply waited for Jensen to explain. But the explanation never came and Jake never pressed. If anything he was kind of relieved in a selfish way. 

“If you truly want to fix what’s broken, if you really want to fight for her and be by her side when she needs you the most, you’ll get up and you’ll go back in there and you’ll be the guy who gets to hold her like no one else does.” Jensen pauses momentarily before he continued on. “Because there’s better guys out there Jake, and she shouldn’t have to settle for one who doesn’t appreciate what’s right under his damn nose.” 

“Is this your way of telling me you’re a better man than me?” Jake asked cautiously, a part of him didn’t want the answer to be yes. But Jake needed to know what the man sitting beside him truly thought. You saw something good inside him, inside both of them.

“I’m not a better man than you Jake—“ Jensen sighed as he stood from his chair. It was getting late, he had said his peace, he had put the fear for a dying man inside Jake Seresin. There wasn’t much more Jensen could contribute to your life besides what he had already given. 

The body tends to adapt quickly to new circumstances and pressures it’s put under. It knows how to protect itself. But it can’t close off completely, or well—we’re not really living are we? Biology tends to override our fears, so we leave the door open, just a little…hoping like hell that it's worth the risk. But for Jensen….He was ready to close the door and lock it shut. 

“I’m just a man who’s run out of time and has nothing left to lose.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog

@goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb @kmc1989

[mostlymarvelsstuff]

gp beefy natasha fucking powerbottom reader in her suit (nat calls reader mommy)

Authors note: Hi anon! Sorry it took me so long to get to this! Hope you enjoy what I came up with! (Also I took it to mean you wanted Nat in her suit during this and not R in a mission suit. Hope that is indeed what you meant)

PS: I pictures Nat in her Endgame suit for this because there’s just something about how it looks that has me 😵‍💫

Word count: 1940 Nat Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

 Natasha groans as she closes her apartment door, exhaustion from the mission seeping into her bones and sore muscles. She takes a few steps further into the apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible until she can determine if you were asleep already or not. Once she sees the glow of the bedroom light flowing down the hallway from around the slightly ajar door she allows herself to come out of stealth mode.

   She smiles as she walks down the hallway, thinking about how she’ll probably find you curled up with a book. She can’t wait to greet you, get out of her gear and crawl into bed with you. She loves being able to cuddle up with you at night, especially after she returns from a mission. She eagerly pushes the door open, looking directly towards the bed but when she sees you she freezes in her tracks. 

   Her eyes widen as she takes in your naked form, splayed out on the bed for her to enjoy. Her eyes linger on your breasts before traveling down to your cunt and she can already feel the effect seeing you like this is having on her. Her suit is quickly becoming uncomfortably tight and she shifts on her feet to try to alleviate the discomfort.

   You let your eyes skim over her suit clad body, admiring the way the fabric wraps around her toned biceps and thighs. Her surprised expression amuses you and you smirk as you see the growing bulge between her legs. You love having such an effect on her.

   “Hi baby” 

   “H-hi” she stutters, her eyes tracking your tongue as it darts out to lick your lips 

   “Aren’t you gonna come here so I can give you a kiss?” you ask, faux pouting at her

   She dumbly nods and quickly makes her way over to the edge of the bed. You sit up to be more her level and gently loop your arms around her neck. Her knees press against the mattress as you pull her closer and she steadies herself by grabbing ahold of your waist. You allow her to press her lips against yours in a hungry kiss, but you quickly take control by pushing your tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss. She moans softly and easily melts into your embrace as you keep her close. 

   A few minutes into your heavy make out session you notice her eyes are squeezed shut as she thoughtlessly begins humping the air between the two of you, a clear sign she's beginning to become desperate for you. You let your hands trail across the abdomen of her suit before going even lower, making her whimper and buck into you.

   You pull away from her lips, chuckling as she pants lightly, “Did you like my surprise baby?”

   “Yes” she answers without thinking, causing you to tighten your hold on her large bulge, effectively making her squirm

   “Yes what?”

   She sucks in a strained breath, “Yes, Mommy”

   “Good girl” you praise, cupping her cheek with your free hand. You smile at the adorable way she leans into your touch, “Come here Natalia”

   She eagerly listens and crawls onto your lap, straddling you as your hands make their way to her collarbone to pull on her zipper. You slowly pull it down, teasing her further by letting your fingertips ghost across her taut abdomen. A shiver runs through her at the action and you glance up to find her bottom lip firmly in the grip of her teeth.

  Finally you reach her crotch, and as you pull the zipper past her bulge her boxers tent out of the now open suit. She lets out a breath of relief as she's now free from the pressure of her skintight suit and you shamelessly palm her still clothed cock, causing a low moan to leave her. She looks down and notices a small damp spot on the fabric, causing her cheeks to flush at the realization that she's already worked up enough to be leaking precum. Of course you notice this too.

  “Mmm, my baby really must've liked seeing me ready for her” you tease, gently brushing your one thumb over her sensitive tip as your other hand pulls her boxers down. She whimpers at the sensation and her cock throbs as you grip its base. You begin to stroke her length, causing yet another moan to leave her as she throws her head back in pleasure.

   “Mommy, please. I need….need more” she begs, rocking her hips in time with your hands movements. You don’t hesitate to lower your head, eagerly tracing along her prominent vein with your tongue before kissing her bright pink tip, successfully picking up her flavor

  “You taste so good baby” you admit, glancing up to lock eyes with her before finally taking her in your mouth and she gasps at the feeling

  You begin to bob your head up and down, making sure to take as much of her as possible despite her size and your hands hold her thighs firmly to keep her from thrusting up into you and she whines at not being able to chase her release. You quickly make up for this though, taking her until she's deep in your throat and your lips are against her pelvis

   “Oh fuck!” she exclaims, desperately clutching at the bedsheets beside her, “Feels so good…please don’t stop”

  The way you look with her in your mouth, throat bulging slightly as you take her large cock drives her crazy and the sounds you make have her nearly tearing the sheets in her grip. You can tell how close she is already by the way the muscles in her thighs and abs constrict, and you want nothing more than to swallow all she has to offer. You swirl your tongue around her, quickly bringing a hand to squeeze her balls and that's all it takes to have her completely at your mercy.

   “Ah! ‘M gonna cum! Please….please can I cum?” You do your best to nod and she thankfully gets the idea, letting herself explode in your mouth with a shout, “Mommy!”

   You moan as her cum fills your mouth and you greedily swallow all of it before letting her still hard cock go with a ‘pop’, “That's my good girl”

   Her eyes practically roll back at your praise, and she whimpers when she feels your hand caress her still full balls. She quickly grabs your wrists, looking at you with her big puppy dog eyes in an attempt to show you that she doesn’t want this to be about her anymore. She's desperate to make you feel as good as you just made her feel, and desperate to bury herself inside you.

   “Words Natalia” you command, “Use them”

   “Can I please fuck you Mommy?” she softly begs, “Please just let me be inside you”

   Her words cause her face to turn nearly as red as her hair and you can't help but chuckle at how her cock is already throbbing at only the mere mention of pleasuring you. You ignore her, continuing to fondle her balls as your other hand moves up to play with one of her breasts. She moans and leans into your touch, but she's still determined.

   “Please Mommy, let me fuck you please. I'll be such a good girl for you. Make you feel so good.” she whines, her eyes glued to your dripping pussy as she chews on her lower lip in hopeful anticipation

   “Yeah?” you teasingly ask still groping her, “You wanna feel my pussy clench around that big cock of yours while you fuck Mommy just like she taught you?”

   She eagerly nods, “Yes, please Mommy. I’ll fuck you so good, I promise”

   And at this point a few tears are building in her eyes at how incredibly hard she now is and you take pity on her, “Go ahead then baby, make Mommy feel good”

   She wastes no time, quickly moving to her bedside table to grab her bright red collar from the bottom drawer. She eagerly hands it to you and you smile as you put it on her. You then yank on the attached O ring to bring her into a heated kiss. She whimpers and her hands fumble to line herself up with your soaked cunt. 

   Despite her eagerness to bury herself inside you she eases her shaft to slide against your lips, lubing her up appropriately before pressing her tip against you. Her eyes meet yours as she lets out a shaky breath and you nod, letting her know you were ready for her and she gently pushes her hips forward until she bottoms out.

   “Ooh fuck” you breathe out, feeling the delicious way her cock stretches you open, “You fill me up so good Natalia”

   She whimpers at the praise and her hips stutter slightly, she desperately wants nothing more than to furiously pound into you, but she knows better than to do that without your permission, “Feels so good Mommy. So warm and wet around me, please can I move?”

   Her cock twitches inside you and you smirk, “Go ahead baby”

   She pulls her hips back before slamming them forward once more, the action pulls a moan from each of you and your nails dig into the fabric of her suit on her shoulders. She pounds into you relentlessly, moaning and whimpering as she's overcome with pleasure and her hands greedily grope your chest.

   “Fuck baby, just like that. Doing so good for me” You fingers wrap around her collar again to keep her close, and you connect your lips to hers again

   The kiss quickly becomes even more heated as her pace quickens. Your free hand moves up to her breast and you pinch one of her nipples between your fingers. The action sends a jolt of pleasure through her and she moans into your mouth. You take the opportunity to slip your tongue inside her mouth and she gently sucks on it, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as your walls tighten around her cock.

   She's so unbelievably close, but she can't cum without permission nor does she want to unless you're cumming too. She rests her forehead against yours as one of her hands moves to between your legs, and her slender fingers quickly circle your clit. Your hips buck, meeting each of her thrusts and you break the kiss with a moan that almost sends Nat over the edge then and there, which is something you can tell by the way all her muscles tighten. So you let go of her collar and tap her ass with your hand, an indication that you need her to pull out.

   She whines at the action, and the sound paired with her behavior of late has you changing your mind and you re-grab her collar, “You wanna fill me up Natalia?”

   She nods, “Yes, please let me cum inside you, please”

   “Go ahead then baby” you purr, your hand rubbing away the crease between her brows, “Breed me like I know you want to, fill Mommy to the brim”

   That’s all it takes for her and with one more powerful thrust she's spilling her seed inside you with a moan. She practically collapses on top of you, her chest heaving as her suit sticks to her sweat covered body and you lovingly run your fingers through her hair as she still slowly moves inside you

   “Such a good girl Natalia” you praise, kissing her forehead, “Now fill me up again to make sure you've gotten me pregnant.” 

Taglist:@wandaromamoff69moff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfoxrfox @when-wolves-howlen-wolves-howl @danverationveration @naomi-m3ndez @sheneonromanoffomanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaminghttime-dreaming @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece-a-torn-up-masterpiece @readings-stuff @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @xchaiix @iaminluvwithnat @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories @imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastormmmm  @zoomdeathknight @rayeofmoonlight