#but also he’s got thick skin and dream and sappy so this boy is all good heh

[fluffallamaful]

rant (just about people assuming gogy’s sexuality <3)

will never understand why people think it’s ok to question someone’s sexuality even though they’ve literally confirmed it themselves??

like just because gogy wogy said “i guess” when he said he was straight, doesn’t mean that he’s any less straight?? if he says he’s straight he’s straight?? it’s not your job to question it, that’s his job. and btw if he doesn’t want to think about it then he doesn’t have to.

also perhaps consider that he his hesitancy was actually due to him being weirded out by the question? like he may have wanted to keep that to himself??

i’ll also point out that my brother is straight, however he has been forced to question himself so many times because he “acts a little feminine”, because he doesn’t play football and hangs out with girls. sexualities are confusing enough without adding other people’s opinions into it?? calling a straight guy ‘gay’ based on their looks and personality can be extremely hurtful. it’s like assuming that a girl is lesbian because she’s masculine. it’s not right, it’s something that our parents would do, and it’s entirely outdated

[flirtingwitharson]

Sirius staying over at Remus’s place, them being forced to share a single bed

hello, thanks for the prompts!! this is very cute, and i would also like to preface that i’m writing this blurb before i write the drabble so who knows if this will be sappy or angsty but enjoy!!

Chaos and tension this way comes, thought Remus Lupin on one crisp, winter evening. Students of Hogwarts were on winter hols, and whilst Sirius Black had been staying with James Potter and Family for these holidays since the fourth year, they were now seventeen and Sirius decided it might be nice to stay a night with the Lupins for a change.

The Lupins had a quaint cottage—but lovely all the same—in the depths of Wales, out of sight of Muggles and therefore out of mind. It neighbored a Muggle town, however, which Remus frequented and was half the reason Sirius loved to visit the Lupins, if not mostly because he liked to watch on affectionately as Remus made small talk with the little old lady who ran the café.

Any room containing Sirius Black was bound to ooze with chaos and mischief, but the primary reason for awkwardness and havoc this winter evening chez Lupin was that there were two boys, yet only one bed. Now, this had always been the case, surely, but Sirius hadn’t stayed with Remus by his lonesome before. That, and they were two rather tall (or tall enough, Sirius would add) teenage boys with lanky limbs and dangerously strong feelings for one another.

“I can sleep on the ground—“

“Sirius.”

“I really don’t mind, Moons, not as if I haven’t done it before—“

“Sirius!”

“But it is cold, and—“

“Could you shut the fuck up?”

Sirius did as he was asked and closed his mouth, internally frustrated with how easily Remus could make him do so whilst for any other man it would be a feat. They stood at the foot of Remus’ bed; Remus was dressing it with thick quilts and freshly washed bedsheets, as Sirius stood in just his flannel bottoms and what-used-to-be-Remus’ Marc Bolan t-shirt, wstching on unhelpfully.

Remus huffed and pulled out his wand to finish the job out of defeat. “Listen to me, you dolt. I haven’t minded you in my bed before—on various occasions in which you just barged in anyhow—and it’s not going to change just because this room’s got little planets stuck on the ceiling and all my childhood pictures in it. Now if you don’t let me sleep I will not hesitate to strangle you, so please just stop fucking fretting and get under the duvet.”

After further fussing to get comfortable and sorting out how to lay without quite touching, both boys laid in silence. Remus was out like a light, but Sirius was suffering from his usual bouts of insomnia. There was no way in hell he was going to sleep tonight, how could he, when Remus Lupin was laying so close he could feel his breath on his neck?

Both boys had fancied each other for quite some time now, but their insecurities and obliviousness prevented them from picking up on this. Thus, the sexual tension was high, the number of stolen moments was even higher, and they were constantly teetering on the edge of the friend zone and something more.

Remus had always been a restless sleeper, and sometimes even a sleep-cuddler. Sirius was well acquainted with this fact after seven years of sharing a dormitory with the man, so when an arm suddenly slung around his waist and the body attached to it moved closer, he was only a little surprised. He took this opportunity of inconsequential Moony-watching to admire his best mate’s sleeping form, gently rubbing his back while adapting to the new arrangement, trying to loosen up and just let it happen.

Sirius should have known this plan would be far from infallible, because when Remus muttered a soft “Pa’foot” in his sleep and nuzzled closer he damn near jumped out of the bed. He watched Remus with wide eyes, his heart racing. Christ, Black, you’ve got it fucking bad, he thought at himself in disdain. Remus murmured some more incoherent things before he stopped again altogether, and Sirius managed to get his breathing somewhat under control.

Minutes later, Remus rolled back over, and said his name again. This time, Sirius was on high alert—Remus had to have been dreaming about him, didn’t he? “Pads,” he mumbled. “Love you.”

“You what?”

Pinching himself proved that he was awake and that Remus really did just say what he said, but it also really effing hurt.

Shaking Remus awake was never a good idea. He could be a downright nightmare when he was sleepy, and frankly anybody would be crazy to be unafraid. However, these were dire straits; Sirius saw no other option than to wake Remus up and demand to know if he meant it.

Opening one eye and then the other, the glare Remus sent in Sirius’ direction as he came to was one for the books. Sirius hadn’t a care, for he immediately asked, “did you mean it?”

“What,” Remus ground out, his voice thick with sleep, “the fuck. Are you doing? What am I s’posed t’ve meant? If you don’ lemme go th’fuck back to sleep—“

“You said you loved me, so I’m asking you, did you mean it?”

Remus sat bolt upright, definitely awake now. He could feel red embarrassment and panic coursing through his skin like a flame to paper, all the way from his ears to his mid section. “You—I—what?”

“In your sleep, Moony,” Sirius clarified, “please get with the program, I’m kind of panicking a little bit here.”

The statement hung in the air as Remus scooted as far away as he could, mumbling apologies that Sirius blatantly refused to process. “Moons, you didn’t answer my question,” Sirius pressed softly, piecing things together almost giddily as he dug his nails into his palms to keep from jumping the boy’s bones prematurely.

Remus lifted his eyes to meet Sirius’ once more, not having been so lucky or as self-willing to have made the conclusion that this love was requited yet himself. His eyes and subsequently his voice gave way to a tremor of heartbreak as he replied, “how could I not have?”

He looked down and made to stand up before two hands made death grips around his shoulders and pulled him right back down onto the bed. Sirius’ lips were on his immediately, and he emitted a little noise of surprise before the pieces slotted together and his heartbeat surpassed the speed of sound.

“Bloody fucking hell, Moons, I love you too, I love you too” Sirius panted out between kisses, wholly unaware of the concepts of time or sleep any longer because he was on top of the world, he was over the moon and he felt like a goddamn prize.

“Pads,” Remus pulled back, eyes darting all over Sirius’ features as they adjusted to the dark to be sure to capture this moment for forever. “Does this—are we—?”

“If you think I’m ever letting you go after that proclamation, Lupin, you’re absolutely mad. You’re stuck with me, your subconscious signed up for this when you went and stole my bleeding lungs with an ‘I love you’.”

That’s perfectly alright with me, thought Remus. “We’re going to have a real chat about this in the morning,” was what he said aloud, always reasonable. “But for now, please just get over here and hold me so I can go the hell back to sleep, yeah?”

Sirius didn’t have to be told twice as they burrowed far more comfortably under the blankets once more. They were both warm and giddy with the new promise of a future of this, this, and more of this, but only about a third of the reason for cuddling was because it really was cold for an English winter.

[papipopsicle]

DOUBLE DARE

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Harrington!Reader

Genre: angst, fluff

Summary: In which Billy isn't 'King Billy fucking Hargrove' after the events at the Byers house, he's remorseful and in so much more pain than anyone ever seems to notice.

Song: Dizzy by Waterparks

Warnings: swearing, symptoms of PTSD

Words: 2.8K

feedback is always appreciated

Hawkins wasn't the kind of place a teen could take angsty strolls, look up at the sky for a while and all their life problems would be solved. Winter lasted until February, and summer started at the end of July, the months between left void of the joy of sun or snow. It was within this time that Y/N and Billy found solace in each other's chaotic existences.

They'd met a couple times before their relationship had a label, once not knowing each other, and the next, knowing too much.

The first was in the bitter winds of a November night. Y/N Harrington was forced to transfer to Hawkins High after fighting with another girl at Lakewood Academy over something nobody knew. She wasn't happy about it, after working her arse off for the last seventeen years of her life, only for the dream to be someone special and someone her parents would be proud of, to be ripped away from her.

Steve never made it any better, it was fine when he'd bring home random girls while their parents were away (which was more often than not), at least then her record player was loud enough to shut out the moans.

But Nancy had to come along and fuck everything up. Y/N was sickened at the idea of her brother dating her childhood best friend. That wasn't even the worst part though, the sick fucker had to go break his heart too.

Having Steve wallow in self pity for a few days was one thing, but hearing him cry himself to sleep days on end was entirely another.

She took her eye off the ball to make sure it was a sound that never met her ears again. And people at Lakewood began to talk, next thing she knew, Y/N was thrown out when Bethany Wyatt somehow fell unconscious and woke up with a black eye and busted lip.

Her older brother was surprisingly comforting, but the house felt all too suffocating, even without their never-to-be-seen parents around. It took six days for her to finally snap- being cooped up in the same four walls, sappy romcoms playing in the background whilst Steve tried to shrink her after getting an 'A' on his latest psychology paper.

"Leave me the fuck alone, for Christ's sake I'm not one of those kids you babysit! Go piss in Declan's cereal." Y/N roared, cartoon steam clouds escaping her ears.

She and Steve weren't close like some siblings, they didn't do hugs or say 'I love you'. They clashed and fought; the older boy thinking he's always right and that he knows everything, only setting off Y/N's explosive anger.

Steve groaned and stormed up the stairs, following his sister to her room, "His name's Dustin- fuck! You're so immature, you know that? Maybe I do need to babysit you, maybe then you'll learn to accept that you're sad about being kicked out of Lakewood, instead of biting my head off like a little bitch."

Y/N looked up at him incredulously, as if he'd just killed six puppies. She got up from her bed and stood right in front of him, pressing her index finger against his chest accusatory, "I'm not sad, dickwad, I'm furious because I defended myself against a bully and I'm the one who gets punished. It's not my fault she learnt to fight with her words and I fight with my fists. It's not my fault I'm like this, Steve!"

He stared at her for a few moments, watching his little sister's entire body move as her breathing became laboured and heavy.

She pushed past her brother and ran downstairs, "If I'm not back before you wake up, the demogorgon attacked me!"

"That's not-." Steve shouted, only to hear the front door slam shut halfway through his sentence, "funny."

It had been three months since Eleven had returned and saved Hawkins for the second time, Y/N knew they were no longer out there. She also knew it would strike a nerve in her brothers damaged soul and in that moment it was exactly what she wanted. The Harrington girl would probably regret it when she arrived back home in the early hours, knock on Steve's door and he'd tell her he was the one out of line and that it was okay. After all, he was the reason behind why she got expelled.

Y/N found herself running towards the school. In her short pleated skirt, fishnets and combat boots, the girl sprinted all the way through the woods until she found a clearing, and began walking on the side of the road. She should've been terrified to be out in the darkness all alone after the sights that had scarred her eyes, but it calmed her disturbed mind. Her problems faded to insignificance at the idea of being attacked by an inter-dimensional monster.

Her anger had dissipated after an hour or two of strolling back up and down, and she finally began to feel at ease in the cool midnight winds. That's when the sound of a turbocharged engine collapsed her serenity. She turned on her heel, letting the asphalt crunch under her foot as she squinted into the oncoming headlights.

Numbness had spread far enough over her body not to care whether the driver was Steve, a total stranger, or maybe even a creature from the upside down ready to kill her. Y/N shrugged it off and continued wandering, moving into the forest clearing so the muscle car didn't hit her if the driver wasn't paying enough attention.

Her steps became hurried as she heard the engine quieten, gaze kept forwards until the car picked up enough speed to pass her then completely stop. The air in her lungs felt trapped, feet planted to the broken up edge of the road.

"Hey!" A young yet deep male voice called, a mop of gentle dirty blonde curls appearing over the roof as the sound of the metal door opening and shutting cut away at the silence Y/N found herself stuck in. She didn't dare to move, eyes wide in a hazy mix of fear and intrigue.

He began moving around the car, closer to her frozen figure and stopping at what he deemed a safe distance. Billy looked her up and down, not in his usual 'I wanna fuck you' way towards the opposite sex; he checked over every inch of her exposed skin to make sure there were no signs of injury. When he finally met her eyes, he was stunned. They were the colour of milk chocolate edged with a deep forest-green. The two colors seemed to swirl together like moss creeping over rich soil.

Beautiful, he thought, not noticing the deep violet bags which sat beneath them. Y/N hated her eyes for them, yet they hadn't crossed his mind.

"Are you okay, Bambi?" Billy asked cautiously, taking a small step closer to her. His voice felt soft like a warm hug, yet she knew how it could easily be laced with venom. She'd seen his type before, knew how they could act so smooth then at the flick a switch be encased by rage if the word 'no' was introduced to them. She'd dated that type, been manipulated by their silver tongue and soft touch.

"I'm fine." Y/N's voice found the courage to speak, her body pushing past his and continuing its disassociated roam down the empty road ahead. She didn't feel like speaking to anyone, didn't feel like doing anything. Her mind was a wormhole of desolation and all she wanted was some peace away from home life and school life.

"If you want me to get in my car and carry on, I can. But, chances are you're feeling alone and don't-" Billy tried his best to do what he thought was right, he didn't have to stop when he saw her shivering figure at the side of the empty road. Hell, he probably shouldn't have.

"What you do doesn't really affect me, kid." Y/N snarled with no enthusiasm, her words falling hollow and getting lost in the wind.

The girl noticed he didn't speak after that, yet she hadn't heard the distinct sound of a car door opening and shutting either. She turned her head a fraction, not wanting to give him the attention he seemingly so desperately wanted from her but interested to know if she was about to get killed. Y/N rolled her eyes irritably as his taller figure appeared beside her own.

A few minutes passed as they ambled along the never ending barren road side by side without a word exchanged. Y/N felt oddly comfortable, more so than she did in that stupid private school or at home with Steve in constant seldom silence or rage filled bickering.

This silence was pleasant and held no secrets. Mostly due to the fact they were perfect strangers, no lingering expectations to be great or even good. Y/N stole another glance at him through the dark moonlight, his thick shoulder length hair appearing soft in its naturally curly state, and his flawlessly chiselled face hidden by plump cheeks and long eyelashes.

He could've committed some kind of atrocity for all she knew, but is company felt comforting and she wasn't one to judge.

"D'you just plan on following me around all night, then?" Y/N's voice sounded much more mellowed and velvety, her heartbeat no longer erratic in her ears allowing her mind some peace.

Billy sighed and rubbed a hand across his face before stuffing both into the pockets of his denim jacket to find some kind of warmth, "Haven't exactly planned that far ahead, gotta be honest with you. I don't know, I just needed to clear my head, and it seemed like you were doing the same."

"You could say that." Y/N scoffed, her numb mind somehow still managing to make her legs move forwards without stumbling. The biting cold air pricked at her paled skin, but she enjoyed the feeling. It was better than feeling nothing at all. "Fucked up shit happens a lot considering nothing happens around here."

"Did someone hurt you?" The words filled with unease tumbled from his mouth before he had the chance to catch them. Billy couldn't tell himself why he cared, why he was still walking along side this stranger in the dead of night on a Tuesday. Wednesday, now. But after the events at Mrs Byers' house, he had realised he'd become the monster he feared most- his father. If there was anything he could do to stop that, it was all he had done for the past three months.

Y/N smiled at her own stupid actions coming back to the forefront of her memories. She shook her head, still smiling, "That's too complicated to answer right now. Unfortunately, I managed to fuck things up pretty bad all on my own this time."

"I'm listening." Billy's eyes wandered across the unending tree border as he let the girl gather her thoughts and decide whether to indulge him or not.

She did.

"A couple weeks ago I overheard some skanks from my school trash talking my family; you see my brother slept with this girl named Rosie once ages ago so she put herself on a pedestal and thinks her words are gospel now. She was joking with her friends about how we're basically orphans. And then, this is the real kicker, she made up a rumour saying I'd got crabs from sleeping with the gym teacher. Which is hilarious because I'm a virgin still. So, I confronted her, she denied it, and I may or may not have blacked out and beat the living daylights out of her. Last week the dean decided to kick me out, so as of next Monday I'll be back at the shit show they call Hawkins High."

It felt easy to spill her thoughts to this oddly handsome person she'd never met before. Y/N felt like adding, 'oh and there's supernatural demons running around trying to take you to another dimension and kill you, but don't worry, our telekinetic friend saved us. Twice.' But she liked him enough in that moment not to want to scare him away.

"I would've hit her, too." Billy chuckled dryly, realising this girl was stronger than she seemed. His voice picked up after a beat of silence, "Billy, by the way."

"Y/N." She smiled her first warm, genuine smile for a rather long time, and it felt strange and satisfying all at once. Silence fell upon them once again after that, not feeling unpleasant in the slightest. They walked side by side with no destination in mind, Y/N's body bumping against his every now and again. The fist time was an accident, after that she kept on doing it to see the small smile pull at the corners of his lips from the contact.

Her combat boots halted on the torn up asphalt, kicking up small stones a few feet across the road. Without indication to her newfound friend, she switched direction and began walking back towards the other end of the endless road back towards Hawkins away from Lakewood.

"Alright then." Billy quirked an eyebrow at her odd behaviour as he followed and fell back into aimless step with her.

"Billy," she enjoyed the way his name rolled off her tongue, "could you drive me home?" She looked up at him with hope in her eyes, half feigned half real. Y/N was a shell of a person, broken and cold after what her eyes had witnessed, but she really liked the way her mind felt at ease around this boy with fluffy hair and muscular arms.

"Sure."

They made their way up to the car in silence, time running by much quicker with Y/N's spirits lifted. Billy unlocked his Camaro and the two settled into their seats, the heater almost instantly turned up to the highest setting.

"Where are you from, Billy?" Y/N couldn't help herself but ask, she had a knack for wanted to know everything and managing to know everything one way or another. She enjoyed the ever so slight accent in his voice, certainly not from these parts. His olive skin, probably once a lot more tanned and bright, gave it away too. Nobody here got enough vitamin D to look that pretty.

She told him to take the next turning, filling the space his answer was about to fall into. Y/N noticed the sounds of AC/DC playing quietly, one of her all time favourite songs. Steve would buy their albums and she'd buy Madonna when they visited the mall together, then swap when they got back to his car.

"California, my dad remarried and they both wanted a new start, so we ended up here." Billy answered calmly, voice tinged with anguish. The girl gave him another direction and told him to pull up two houses down from her own.

"If my brother saw someone giving me a lift home I think he'd murder you then me, so for everyone's safety it's best not to let him in on our little secret." Y/N grinned halfheartedly up at Billy, realising Steve wouldn't have gone to sleep yet and it was her fault. He was a real dick sometimes, but she wondered if he was the only person in the world to actually give a shit about her.

"Sounds like a real buzzkill." Billy joked with an unknown lightness to his tone, turning the ignition off and settling his gaze on her devastatingly brilliant eyes again.

Y/N nodded and leant over the centre console, wrapping her arms around Billy's much larger torso, he didn't react for a moment, not entirely sure what was happening, but he eventually returned the hug.

"Thanks for stopping earlier, tonight would've been a lot more lonely if you hadn't." Y/N unclasped her seatbelt and unlocked the door, sending the boy a truly heartfelt smile before they said goodbye to one another. He watched her walk down the road and disappear into her driveway, making sure she was safe before he left.

The Harrington girl quietly entered her house, taking off her rather muddy boots and making her way up to her brother's bedroom. She knocked quietly on his door out of politeness but didn't wait for an answer before opening it.

"Steve-" her voice was remorseful, this is how it always went.

He groaned a little from his work desk, eyes failing to stay open consistently, "I know, I'm sorry." Steve sent her a weak smile, knowing how hurt his little sister was at heart.

"Yeah," she sighed, "me too."

Y/N climbed into bed that night with the scent of Billy's strong cologne still clinging to her too, and it made her feel at ease. She slept well for the first time in a very long time, mind for once not plagued by creatures from another world.

Taglist:

@ilkaeliseb @florenceivy @annas-unicorun @astro-sweetheart @4everchrista @delicatelyherdreams @mautand @me-a-hopeless-romantic @buckysjuicyplums @lucyrocks86

Want to be tagged?? Just send in an ask!

[thehappyhockeymask]

a matchup? I’m a 5’4 dark-skinned Female. I love to watch movies and play board/video games. I’m a sore loser when it comes to losing because I am COMPETITIVE. I like to read and I love cleANING LIKE I COULD BE A MAID. I enjoy nights a lot, especially when I’m with someone. I love to bop to some music and literally do whatever. Although I love to put out (like do things) it has to be with people I’m comfortable with because I’m literally a tortle. sorry if I’m like a freak at this ^_−☆

We’re all freaks here, sweetie, that’s why the fandom is so fun!

(I use the word freak in the most loving way possible, not to intend hurt or harm 💕)

Bo Sinclair

- You’d be the perfect match AND rival for our local heartthrob! He’s pretty proud of his skill with a controller, so try not to laugh when he reveals it’s ancient and simple.

- He’ll immediately trust you with cleaning more than he trusts Vincent with that; Vincent usually gets bored fifteen minutes in and escapes.

- Your first date will be at night, if Bo has any say in it. He’ll light up the whole town, break out some wine and a picnic, probably have it all planned out days ahead! You should fully expect a metric shittonne of candles thrown in there as well. In his mind, they’re the epitome of romance. Also, wax.

- You’ll find no one more a classic gentleman than this man! You need time? You got it! You need to start slow? Prepare for snails pace! You’re his princess and Bo will do anything for you.

- Maybe it’s just me, but I think he would cry a little inside every time your height difference is made obvious. Bo is an uwu bitch for how cute and little you are.

NSFW

- Maid, you say? 👀

- He will PAY Vincent to sew up a little maid dress for you. He’ll pay A LOT, because it will take a lot of time and compensation for Vincent to heal from the image of his brother with a maid kink.

- Bo is a gentleman but also a filthy pervert and he WILL go ape given the opportunity, he has a giant libido and can get hard in just about any given situation.

- Soon as he figures out how game you are to “put out”, his top priority is making you WANT to. For example, a reward system. What you do for him, be sure he’ll return the favour with enthusiasm and sometimes twofold.

Victor Crowley (Hatchet)

- Big boy, big sweet boy

- You’re the moon in his sky, the stars in his eyes, the...moss in...his swamp....ya know, because it’s uh, soft and nice....He’s running low on sappy comparisons and his imagination is limited, give him time.

- Your first date is...questionable. In the way that it was a first date only in his own mind. For you it was largely terrifying, since you spent most of it either lost in the swamp running or wondering why he was taking so long to kill you when he easily could have.

- Victor was just trying to look at you as long as possible. Heehee pretty gorl.

- He likes to give you gifts, mostly body parts or interesting rocks, once even a gator. Just. The whole gator. It wasn’t even dead, but he dubbed it as yours. Sometimes you see it around, and you know it’s “your gator” because of the thick twine he wrapped around it’s tail. Romantic.

- Your enjoyment of cleaning is probably going to be the only thing standing between you and seven different infections but you know what? Sometimes that’s life and Victor will be completely amazed at all of your infernal knowledge. His own is limited.

- Teach him to take proper baths and he will be convinced that you have special powers. He’s never felt that clean in his life!

- It’ll be a rough start, but once you realize that his idea of games is sometimes tracking you through the swamp, and the first one to sneak up on the other gets to, ahem, do whatever they want to the other.

NSFW

- Most of the time when he wins, he wants you to let him play with your boobs. Forgive his complete lack of experience, he needs awhile to fully come to terms with the fact that he can do this.

- Victor is a Thick Man, definitely up there in beefcake territory. Yes, he can hold your full weight for extended periods of time, take it from there and live your nastiest dreams my lumpling.

- If incorporating cleaning into kink isn’t you’re thing, you don’t even need to mention it, because Victor definitely doesn’t understand what kinks are anyway. He’ll eagerly follow your lead when it comes to the finer points of sex, and you can just leave the leg work to him. And the arm work. And hip work.

- Cuddle bug alert! Post-sex is when you can’t get rid of him, he will latch on like a barnacle and if you happen to anywhere else to be, tough luck I guess, he just loves you too much.

[moonb-eam]

could you do no. 7: “I almost lost you.” from the list?

hello. yes. i can definitely do that 💛✨

(i am still slowly completing what’s left of these ship starters, i think i’ve got three more in my inbox??)

i’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately, and whenever i can’t sleep, i listen to thunderstorm sounds. thus, had to write fic with a thunderstorm. (as in, had to write a sappy, over-emotional fic because....what else am i gonna do)

i really hope you like it, anon!! ✨✨✨

no. 7 “I almost lost you.”

Lucas wakes to the distant rumble of thunder.

It’s not that he doesn’t like thunderstorms. He does, he just likes them the most when he spends them wrapped up with Eliott, a tangle of limbs underneath a soft duvet, whispered secrets and drooping eyelids, lingering kisses pressed to cheeks, foreheads, lips.

He reaches out for him, for Eliott, fingers seeking warm skin, long, bony limbs, but his hand lands on flat, cool sheets.

Lucas is still waking up, still shaking off a dream where he and Eliott were meteors, chasing each other around Saturn, so his head is filled with the thick air of space and it takes a second for him to get it, for his fingers to curl into the mattress and to feel it barely give, for him to recognize the absence.

He rolls himself over to Eliott’s side of the bed, buries his face in the pillow and sighs. His inhale smells like Eliott.

He reaches out and touches the home button on his phone, sees that it’s only a bit after two in the morning.

They had gone to sleep early that night, exhausted from a day out in the humid summer air with the boys, exhausted from the three rounds of sweaty sex they had when they got back to the coloc. After an icy shower Lucas had fallen asleep spooning up behind Eliott’s back, lips pressed to the nape of his neck.

He’d been drunk on sunshine and heat and love and orgasms and he’d said, Hey. Eliott. Eliott. Did you know that you’re the love of my life?

What had Eliott said? Something like, Go to sleep, Lucas.

Now, Lucas throws back the duvet and stands, wearing nothing but his boxers, toes wriggling against the cool wood floor. Outside, it’s pouring, a rain that makes him think of a black and white detective film Eliott had made him watch last week. Heavy drops spilling down the brims of fedoras. Soaking the shoulders of trench coats. 

More thunder rumbles overhead.

Arthur had predicted it, when they’d been at the park earlier, standing on the edge of the water with his hands on his hips staring out into the middle distance like a character from a Jules Verne novel.

It’s going to thunderstorm tonight. I bet you anything.

How the hell do you know? Basile asked.

Eliott had leaned over to where Lucas was lying on his back, blocking the sun out with his face. Lucas squinted up at him.

Did you hear that? Eliott said. A thunderstorm. I love thunderstorms.

Lucas snorted. I know you do.

Do you know why? Eliott asked.

Lucas shrugged.

They’re romantic, Eliott said, leaning down far enough that he could push Lucas’s sunglasses off of his face, far enough that he could press their lips together. 

Lucas walks out of the bedroom quietly, into the dark, silent flat. There’s no noise from Lisa’s room and Mika’s shoes are missing. Still at that party, then. Or maybe he crashed somewhere else because of the storm.

Eliott isn’t in the kitchen, isn’t in the bathroom, and Lucas is trying not to let himself panic, trying to calmly wonder if there were any signs of hypomania earlier that day. He’s no expert, but he’s gotten better at noticing, especially with Eliott being open with him, helping him.

He wracks his brain, but comes up with nothing.

He tries not to think about Eliott running through the soaked, lightning-lit streets naked. Tries not to think about going out to find him.

He enters the kitchen and there, it’s such a wave of relief inside of Lucas’s body it’s palpable, from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.

Eliott.

He’s sitting on the living room windowsill, the one that leads out onto to the wrought iron fire escape. His back is to Lucas, bare and wide, half in the darkness of the flat, half in the faint light from outside, the grey-blue-black of a thunderstorm night.

Lucas takes a few tentative steps towards him, makes sure to step on the floorboards that creak the loudest, not wanting to surprise Eliott. Not wanting to scare him.

A flash of lightning erupts in the thick cloud cover, washes enough light over Eliott that Lucas can make out the notches of his spine, one, two, three, four, five… Lucas wants to kiss them.

Instead, he whispers, “Eliott,” and gently reaches his hands out, rests them on Eliott’s back. 

There’s a moment where neither of them say anything, a moment where it seems like Eliott is holding himself up, stiff, but then he sighs, his shoulders deflate. “Lucas,” he murmurs, and Lucas slides his hands to Eliott’s chest, wraps his arms around him, and presses his mouth to the highest notch of his spine.

“Hi,” he says, can’t resist giving a little kiss to the notch. “Can’t sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Another little kiss. “I can make you tea if you want.”

“No.” Eliott’s voice is faint, a bit distant, and Lucas takes it as an introspective mood, takes it as Eliott wanting to be left alone.

“Alright,” he says lightly, easily, “I’m going back to bed.”

He’s pulling his arms back but Eliott reaches up, fast, grips onto Lucas’s hands.

“Can you stay?” Lucas doesn’t say anything so Eliott prompts, “Please?”

“Sure.” Lucas squeezes Eliott’s hands. “Sure. But if I’m staying I want tea.”

He does make himself tea, comes back wearing Eliott’s hoodie, the zip open against his bare chest, carrying two mugs with clouds of steam wafting out.

“Only if you change your mind,” Lucas says, placing the second mug down on the floor near the window sill. “It’s Lisa’s. Chamomile.”

Lucas sits down on the sill as well, back against the frame, legs hanging into the living room. Outside, the streetlights are pale dots of orange between sheets of rain, the trees swaying against water and wind. Lucas watches as two girls sprint down the street, barefoot, both of them carrying their shoes and shrieking, laughing. 

Another streak of lightning. Thunder follows.

Lucas blows on his tea.

He thinks he can hear jazz playing from somewhere, someone’s apartment window open to the night storm, rain spilling in and music spilling out. 

“Do you hear that?” He asks Eliott. “The music?”

Eliott doesn’t say anything so Lucas continues.

“There must be some people dancing, somewhere. Huh. That’s kinda nice, actually.”

Eliott still says nothing, but Lucas catches the corner of a smile, and it makes him smile in turn, down into his tea.

They sit there in silence for Lucas doesn’t know how long, listening to the storm, watching the occasional pedestrian down below battle the elements. Eliott picks up his tea and takes a sip, and Lucas tries not to show how smug he is.

Eventually, though, eventually Lucas wants to say something. Just. Something.

He gently pokes Eliott’s knee, at the side, where it’s hinging at the edge of the sill. “Hey,” he says. “Eliott.”

Eliott doesn’t look over but Lucas knows he’s listening.

“If there’s something going on, you can tell me. I mean, I know you know that, and I also know you know that you don’t have to tell me. You can keep it private if you want. I just…wanted to remind you, I guess, and I want you to tell me if I’ve done something wrong, or if I’m doing something wrong, you know? I’d rather know than make a mistake. I almost lost you, before, because of that.”

The words are out before Lucas even registers them, caught up in the simultaneous stillness and chaos inherent with every thunderstorm. He knows he means the words—he fears fucking up and losing Eliott more than pretty much anything—but he didn’t mean to say them, especially when Eliott may or may not be in a sensitive state.

Eliott’s head whips up, eyes wide on Lucas’s face. “What?”

Lucas waves his free hand at him. “No, I’m sorry, forget I said that last bit, we don’t need to think about that—”

“When did you almost lose me?”

Lucas blinks. His mug is cooling down, losing its heat between the rain-soaked air and Lucas’s icy hands. 

“Well, when…” Lucas really doesn’t want to get into this, but Eliott is looking at him like he desperately needs to know the answer, so he says, “When I said that thing to you, about mentally ill people? About my mom? That. I said something that really hurt you without realizing it. Something ignorant. Something mean.” He tries on a shrug but it doesn’t fit, a jacket three sizes too big, too loose for how tight his chest feels. “I just never want to do that again.”

“You never lost me.”

The sentence hangs between them, gets washed away down the fire escape with the rain until it hits the pavement, swirls into a drain.

It’s Lucas’s turn to say, “What?”

“Never,” Eliott says. “I was always yours, from the very first second I saw you. I didn’t think you were mine.” Eliott has a weird look on his face that Lucas can’t decipher. It makes him nervous. “Lucas, it was me who almost lost you. I almost lost you because I lied to you, because I put you in danger.”

“Eliott, please, I was never in—”

“I did lose you, didn’t I?”

A boom of thunder rolls through, so loud it makes Lucas startle, makes what’s left of his tea slosh precariously close to the edges of the mug.

He turns back to Eliott but he’s not looking at Lucas anymore. He’s staring down, frowning.

“Eliott,” Lucas says gently, “I didn’t mean to bring all of that up, okay? I’m so sorry. But you have to know you never lost me either.” He pokes at Eliott’s knee again, needs Eliott to look at him. “I’ve always been yours too.”

“I was thinking about it,” Eliott blurts out, knee twitching under Lucas’s touch. He sets his mug down on the ledge, runs his hands through his hair, over his face. “I was thinking about it all day yesterday, something that Yann said about you getting drunk on a Sunday. After that night.”

Lucas feels his cheeks flush. “Alright, I’m not proud of—”

“No.” Eliott shakes his head. “It made me so upset, because I did that to you. I made you hurt that much. And then, I…you told me I’m the love of your life, and I thought, how can he love me like this when I’ve hurt him so much?”

“Oh, Eliott—”

“I woke up because of something, I don’t even remember what, and you were right next to me, looking completely perfect, beautiful like a painting like a fucking dream and I couldn’t understand it.” Eliott’s eyes trail down the street, dance across any still-lit windows. “I couldn’t understand how I can still have you when I’ve made you feel like that. Like you have to get drunk to forget me.”

“Baby,” Lucas sets his own mug down and reaches for Eliott’s hands, twines their fingers together, “we hurt each other. And it was awful, but we don’t do that anymore. I got drunk. I made that choice. I was sad, we both were, but now we’re healing, right? Now we take things minute by minute and we talk to one another. Please don’t be cruel to yourself for something that happened in the past, something that we’re fixing.” Lucas takes a breath. “Please don’t tell yourself you don’t deserve this. That scares me.” 

He squeezes Eliott’s hands. Eliott nods, once. 

“I’m sorry,” Eliott whispers. “I never want to scare you.”

“I know that. But you do when you act like we don’t have a chance.”

“Okay,” Eliott says. Lucas can see his breaths evening out, ribs expanding and contracting gently. “Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing.” Lucas smiles when he says it, heart warm and light when Eliott smiles back.

Eliott lifts their joined hands to his mouth, gently kisses Lucas’s knuckles. “Your hands are so cold,” he murmurs against the skin. He kisses them again. “You’re the love of my life. I didn’t say it back before, because I was too…in my own head. But it bothered me that I didn’t say it back.”

Lucas giggles, full of summer air and relief. “Sap,” he says, but it’s coupled with him stretching his legs across Eliott’s lap, moving his mug down to the floor.

Eliott detangles their fingers to run a hand up Lucas’s thigh. “Thank you,” he says softly, slowly trailing the hand back down. His touch leaves goosebumps behind. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

Lucas shivers, wraps Eliott’s hoodie tighter around himself. “You have to put up with me,” he reminds Eliott, half-teasing and half-serious.

One of Eliott’s hands slides behind Lucas’s knee, gently lifts it while he bends down. “That’s not hard to do,” he says, voice soft and honey-sweet, pressing a kiss to Lucas’s knee. He nuzzles his face a bit higher, kisses where knee meets inner thigh, breath warm against his skin. “I’m in love with you.” Another kiss, a little higher. Another breath. “Fuck, I’m so in love with you.”

Lucas exhales shakily, runs a hand through Eliott’s hair. “I’m in love with you too. Eliott, we’ll keep talking to each other. We’ll keep being honest. That’s what will be the difference between what happened before, and what’s happening now.”

“Yeah.” Eliott presses another kiss to his thigh and straightens up. There’s another rumble of thunder in the sky and the rain is still pounding onto the street, and Lucas can still hear the jazz music playing. 

They’re both silent for a beat, staring at each other, eyes dark and mouths curled into soft smiles. Smiles that say, you’re here, smiles that say, I’m here, smiles that say, stay with me.

“Do you want to dance?” Eliott asks. “Like those people you were talking about.” He taps his fingers against Lucas’s legs, completely off-rhythm from the music. “I’ll dance with you.”

Lucas shakes his head. “Nah.” He gently runs his index finger down Eliott’s nose, all the way to his lips. “I’m fine to sit here with you.” Eliott’s lips purse against his finger in a kiss. Lucas lowers his voice to a whisper. “Also, you’re a terrible dancer."

Eliott grins, wide and lopsided, and his teeth bump up against Lucas’s hand. “Do you know why I like thunderstorms?”

Lucas’s finger travels down to Eliott’s chest, traces nonsensical patterns over his heart. “Because they’re romantic?”

“Because they remind me of you.”

A startled laugh. “Yeah? How’s that?”

“You know, when the city is so hot, it’s claustrophobic, and everyone is praying for a thunderstorm to break the humidity, and then it comes, fresh air and all of Paris exhales and it’s like we can all move again, we’re human again. And that’s what you’ve always been like, for me. You’re that thunderstorm.”

[imlostinsantacarla]

Dating Alistair Would Include:

(I really liked writing this. My perception on Alistair has totally changed and he literally needs all of the love in the whole entire world, okay? I think he deffo needs more love in this fandom. Idk usually I don’t make my would include’s so soft, but he just provokes it in me haha! Enjoy reading and thanks so much to the person who requested this! - Admin Kat 🌙❣)

- Let’s be honest here, you’re the ONLY being that he really loves and enjoys the company of. You’re the only one that he actually tolerates.

- He totally makes jokes all the time about how he only tolerates you, but if he was being truthful (which he isn’t used to having to voice to others unless it’s totally pessimistic) he doesn’t just tolerate you, but loves you immensely and values your opinions, companionship, thoughts, feelings, etc.

- Boi respects you ™

- You’ve become an expert on soothing his paranoia and pessimism with your calmness and steady nature. It took a very long time, but he’s a lot better since you’ve basically become the whole light of his existence holy shit i’m sobbing

- You always understand him and the reason behind why he is the way that he is. You never judge him for it which earns you extra brownie points from him.

- Alistair melts at your touch, your voice- just basically you alright?

- At first he tried to avoid you entirely when he found out you were his mate. He had a whole plan in his head that he was just meant to spend the entirety of eternity wallowing away in a dark cave, never to be within anyone’s company (the only exception when he must feed).

- lol, then your beautiful/handsome ass came along and ruined his entire plans ™ and I swear he was mad as hell at first. Yet the energy to resist the mate pull was far too tiring for him and he gave up, very indignant to begin with.

- He confides all of his fears, hopes, dreams, etc. in you and trusts you to keep them secret. And you do so because you’re loyal to him and only him.

- You both being on the run constantly, though you manage to miraculously persuade him to stay places for much more than a couple of months at a time.

- Honestly, your heart breaks when he opens up about his back story.

- “Well, I’m not leaving so get used to it.”

- He often seems cold and aloof but he shows his love for you in more subtle ways that speak volumes to you. Can you blame him after what he’s been through?

- Saying “I love you” tends to be your job. He prefers to show you that he loves you through actions. But he does say it on rare occasions.

- When you look at him you can see his loving gaze SCREAMS I LOVE YOU MADLY AND IRREVOCABLY OKAY?

- He’s so intensely protective of you, especially when you both appear at the Cullen’s house to be witnesses for Renesmee. He wouldn’t let anyone or anything harm you. He’d never forgive himself okay?

- Is angsty™ 25/7.

- Boi get’s jealous and sulky FAST.

- Gives you the silent treatment but can’t stay mad at you for long.

- He’s a total sucker for your puppy eyes. You get pretty much anything you want, with exceptions.

- Very romantic behind closed doors and isn’t a big fan of PDA. He believes that others don’t have the right to see such intimacy, as it’s reserved for just the pair of you.

- Arguments only happen when you go against his ways of being or when he lays down the law about not being reckless because he’s so paranoid of losing you. These arguments can last for years and Alistair is very stubborn.

- He has a fascination with skimming his fingertips lightly over your skin. The shiver that erupts from your being is delicious to him and he can’t help but smugly simper in response.

- Alistair loves to plant kisses on your bare shoulders, the rear of your neck, forehead, hands, knuckles, just all over okay? He lavishes you in his love behind closed doors.

- You love running your fingers through his hair. At first he would flinch at your contact - and sometimes he does when he’s in such deep thought - but he’s learnt to lean and melt into your touch. Now he cannot go without it.

- Everyone always commenting on how you’ve brought a better side out of him. He doesn’t necessarily socialize a whole ton, but he’ll be present in a room full of vampires for more than two minutes. So it’s progress.

- You’re respectful of him also, never attempting to change him. You love him for who he is and that’s all that matters really.

- You’re very protective of him. Probably would kill the whole damn Volturi or anyone who came near him and caused him any discomfort.

- I think that it’s a genuine compliment when others grin at you about how Alistair isn’t always wallowing in the dark attic any more, talking to spiders and all.

- Alistair always has his eyes on you. If you ever manage to be out of his sight, he genuinely grows intensely panicked. I think that he’d definitely have separation anxiety when you both are apart. He uses his tracking ability to find you.

- Will envelope you in a bone crushing hug, which startles everyone because he’s always so reserved in front of them with you. You’d literally just gone hunting with Bella because you’re curious about her diet for Christ sake!

- Totally see him as being the little spoon when you both cuddle. He’s got to be held and he’s just a spoiled brat for it.

- Always jokes about how you’re such a brat because you always get what you want.

- I think you both comically bicker a lot, but it usually turns playful and lighthearted. He’s never like that with anyone else.

- You never get jealous tbh. He never shows interest in anyone else other than you; it’s only when others show interest in him that makes you start throwing hands.

- Running your hands through one another’s hair. Y’all m e l t !

- Soft love!

- Alistair isn’t very experienced in the bedroom so you often take the reigns.

- You both prefer to make long sensual love, as opposed to an exhilarating quickie. It’s more meaningful that way to you both.

- Besides, he worships you nonstop and vice versa.

- But let’s be honest, he’s a tease without meaning to be.

- Get’s a thrill out of when you end up begging for him.

- You just literally get him off okay?

- Alistair literally drags you away from staying with the Cullens. He knows what the Volturi is capable of and will not allow you to succumb to being murdered by them or discovered by them either.

- You both softly tease one another.

- His  s m i r k  is to die for okay? He knows what it does to you!

- Definitely having the mainstream diet of a vampire. He’s not a fan of the vegetarianism.

- Mumbling tender sweet nothings.

- “I love you more than you may ever know, my love.”

- “You are the light of my eternal life.”

- “There’s no questioning what I would do for you, love.”

- He’s sappy asf okay? You love it.

- “Don’t leave.”

- “I’m never going anywhere.”

- “Promise me you’ll be here forever.”

- “I promise, my love.”

- Romantic as hell but not in the typical modern sense.

- Definitely old school and wants to be married before y’all do the frick frack.

- You’re so fascinated about everything with him, especially his gift.

- He’s so breath taken by you that sometimes he just cannot focus on anything else. Your gift is remarkable and sometimes he feels inferior to you, but you assure him that his gift is just as wonderfully useful and brilliant.

- Supporting one another through thick and thin. He honestly needs someone like you.

- My heart IM SCREAMINING

If you enjoyed, please like, reblog and follow for more! ❣

Where I found the gif/gif credit: ❣

[waywardnerd67]

Satin

Title: Satin Square Filled: Panty Kink Pairing: Dean x Reader Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader Warnings: Fluff/Smut Summary: (Y/N) fulfills one of Dean’s secret fantasies. Word Count: 2786 Created for: @spnkinkbingo

Check Out: SPN Kink Bingo 2.0 Masterlist

Sitting back on her bed, (Y/N) watched her boyfriend, Dean Winchester, get ready to leave for a hunt. Just looking at him, Dean was all man. Chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, narrow waist and overall well-tuned body. He loved burgers, bacon, booze, classic cars and classic rock. He was more comfortable being greasy under a hood or covered in monster guts than in a suit and tie. (Y/N) would not have him any other way, however, she knew of a whole another side of him that no one else did.

He was loving, passionate, caring and extremely domestic. He loved to cook and clean. As much as he loved horror movies, Dean also loved sappy rom-coms. He could sit back enjoying looking up at the night sky the same as he would a lap dance at a strip club. The man was all about balance of stereotypical man things and the finer things. Which is something you would never be able to tell by just meeting or seeing him.

“You enjoy the view sweetheart?” he asked smirking down at her as he stood only in a pair of jeans hanging low on his hips.

(Y/N) nodded biting her lip, “Mmhmm, handsome. I love watching you get dress, but I really wish you were just coming back to bed.”

“Me too, but hopefully Sammy and I will only be gone a few days. Then when I get back we can have all kinds of sexy time.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her causing giggles to escape her lips.

Dean finished getting ready hiding his gorgeous yet lethal body under layers of cotton, flannel and denim. He walked over to her leaning down kissing her until he took her breath away. “I’ll see ya soon, pretty girl.”

“Stay safe and come back in one piece.” She whispered as he smiled down at her.

“Always. I love you, sweetheart.” She watched as he grabbed his duffel walking towards the door.

“Love you too!” she called out hearing her front door close.

Meeting Dean was a random stroke of fate. He had been in a bar drinking up the courage to get his little brother to help him find their dad. She happened to be bartending on what was supposed to be her night off. What she believed was going to be a one night stand of the best sex of her life, turned out to be a whirlwind romance spanning the better part of a decade. Even after being with him for so long she was still finding out new things about him. Like the latest revelation bestow to her after they drank their way through a couple of bottles of whiskey.

Two Weeks Earlier

“She made you what?” (Y/N) asked tipping the bottle of Jack to her lips.

Dean grabbed the bottle from her, “Look when you’re sixteen and an older woman tells you to put on her satin underwear in order to have sex you don’t ask questions.”

(Y/N) busted into a fit of giggles, “S-So, how did you feel wearing satin panties?” His silence caught her attention and she looked over seeing his cheeks burning scarlet. “Oh. My. God.”

“Shut up.” He said taking a long drag from the bottle.

(Y/N) sat up crawling the short distance on the floor to him and straddling his lap. They had explored many fantasies in their time together and she never wanted him to feel shame for anything he desired. Seeing his embarrassed cheeks threw all joking out the door.

“Dean, you know I would never, ever judge you for anything you like. No matter what it is.” His deep forest eyes locked with her own as he sighed.

Briefly kissing her to reassure that he was okay before speaking, “To be honest I was in them long enough. She was pulling them down my legs and sucking me off but…”

He looked away from her briefly, “Yeah?” she encouraged him to continue.

“I remember how soft they felt and how snug I fit in them. I just remember wondering what it would feel like to come inside of them. I don’t know I just figured it was the musing of a horny teenage boy.” He joked showing her his Winchester smirk.

Present Day

She had let the subject drop that night but every since had been thinking about it. (Y/N) could tell it was a fantasy he thought about from time to time but never brave enough to explore. She was determined to one help him explore it together, but for now all she could do was worry about him coming back to her in one piece.

Quite a few days later, Dean had called her finally letting her know he was back at the Bunker safely. The hunt had taken longer than expected and got a little crazy. Leaning back on her couch she let out a sigh of relief, “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Me too sweetheart. I was thinking that maybe we could get away for a few days. Jody said we could use her cabin up in Sioux Falls. Think you could get some time off work?” His voice was weary making her worry.

“Of course, Dean. I should be able to take off Friday and Monday to have an extended weekend with my favorite man.” Hearing his soft laugh brought a smile to her face.

Once she was off the phone with Dean, she knew this was the opportunity she had been waiting for. She began putting a plan together getting everything she needed before Dean picked her up on Friday morning. As they drove out to Jody’s cabin, Dean seemed like his normal self. Zeppelin was blaring from the radio, Baby was roaring down the highway and Dean was joking around the whole time.

When they arrived at the cabin and got settled in, she could tell there was more to his last hunt than he had told her. As they laid on the couch watching some horrible TV movie, (Y/N) decided to broach the subject.

“Tell me about the hunt. It seems to have affected you quite a bit.” She said muting the TV.

Dean sighed heavily, “I was cursed by a witch, some kind of memory curse according to Rowena.”

(Y/N) sat up as dread filled her body seeing how defeated he seemed talking about it. “What happened?”

He ran his hand over the back of his neck, “I began forgetting things. Little things at first like what a lamp was, or which motel room was ours. Then I began forgetting things about my own life including Sam, Cas... and you.”

When he looked over at her his eyes were shining with tears causing her heart to ache. “Oh Dean, I’m so sorry you went through that.”

“Forgetting my messed up childhood and monsters I was okay with. Forgetting you or Sam and Cas was like losing a part of my soul. I just can’t imagine how my life would have been without all of you in it. For some reason it’s really sticking with me this time.” He looked down at his hands in his lap.

(Y/N) crawled into his lap hugging him closely, “I feel the same way handsome. Though our lives are crazy, I wouldn’t have any other way.”

He smiled at her before kissing her deeply. Their make-out session on the couch turned into passionate love making in the bed room. (Y/N) could not remember the last time she felt so connected to Dean in every sense of the word. As Dean wrapped himself around her to fall asleep she could not help but dream of a life with him forever.

The next morning, she woke up before he did. Spending a few minutes watching him sleep peacefully she snuck out of bed to make him breakfast. (Y/N) was bring the tray in when she spotted him in her bag pulling out the very items she had planned on surprising him with.

“(Y/N), what are these?” he asked hesitantly rubbing the large satin panties between his fingers.

Setting the tray on the dresser she walked over to him taking them from his hands. “Remember when you were telling me about Rhonda Hurley?”

He nodded, “Yeah…” nervousness filling his voice.

“I thought we might try out seeing how it would feel for you to wear these,” she held up the satin panties, “in a safe and nonjudgmental environment.”

Dean swallowed hard, his wide eyes darting from her to the panties and back. He bit his lower lip as his cheeks turned pink again, “A-Are you sure?” he asked.

(Y/N) cupped his cheek before pressing herself up to kiss his lips, “More than sure. This isn’t all for you either, you know. I have a bit of a satin panty kink myself.”

He chuckled as his shoulders relaxed slightly, “Really? Okay, what’s first?”

(Y/N) placed the navy satin panties on the bed next to the ones that were for her. Wrapping her arms around his neck she pulled his lips to hers wanting him to relax even more. Her hands traveled down his bare chest and stomach to the waistband of his boxers. She slowly lowered herself as she pulled them down his long bow legs. He was semi-hard as she pressed little kisses on his stomach his cock resting against her throat.

She reached behind him grabbing the large panties dragging them up one leg and down the other. Dean sucked in a breath as she continued to let him feel the soft satin on his skin. With each pass his length grew harder until his cock was firmly stand to attention.

“Step into these, handsome.” She said holding the panties out from his large feet to step through.

Before dragging them up his legs she placed a trail of wet kissed along his shaft making him groan as his hips pushed forward wanting more. Letting out a soft laugh she looked up to see his green eyes blown with desire. “I promise you can have my mouth the next time. One kink at a time, Winchester.”

He growled playfully at her but stopped as soon as she began pulling the panties up his legs. They barely fit over his ass and the tip of his cock was peeking out from the waistband. She stood back letting him get used to the feeling of them. Dean shuffled nervously as she watched him.

“You’re staring.” He whispered sounded embarrassed.

She stripped off his t-shirt she had been wearing revealing her naked body and brought his hand between her legs. A small gasp escape his lips as he felt how wet she was from seeing him. She slowly rolled her hips against his hand looking up at him.

“It is a major turn on to see your thick cock barely being contained by those panties.” She let the moan building her chest escape her lips just as she stroke his length through the panties.

“Fuucck…” he groaned his head rolling back against his shoulders. “Oh god that feels good sweetheart.”

“Good now go lay down on the bed.” She said as he reluctantly moved away from her hand.

(Y/N) bit her lip stifling the small giggle bubbling within her seeing his perfect satin covered ass move to the bed. Taking the other pair of satin panties, she slipped them up her own legs before crawling onto the bed. She straddled Dean’s thighs, her eyes traveling the length of his body. No matter if he was wearing woman’s underwear or not he was still the fiercest man in the universe.

“So, when you were talking about wearing the panties at sixteen you said you want to feel how it would be to come within them.” He nodded slowly, “Well, we are going to do this horny teenager style, dry humping one another until we both come in our satin panties.”

He jaw slack slightly, “O-Okay…” he squeaked out, “I trust you completely.”

His voice was barely above a whisper but hearing that he trusted her made her heart swell with love for the man beneath her. (Y/N) began stroking his length against through the panties and he let out a deep satisfied sigh. She would take her hand from his sack all the way up to the tip and back down again. Then she leaned down running his tongue up his satin cover cock leaving a faint wet line.

“Shit do that again sweetheart.” He moaned tangling his fingers in her hair.

(Y/N) licked him a few more times before he gently pulled her up towards him rolling them on their sides facing each other. “My turn.” He said as his hand dipped down between her legs rubbing leisurely over her mound.

“Oh god Dean…” she groaned as his mouth latched onto her nipple.

His thick fingertips were rubbing circles against her clit until he began kissing his way down her body. Rolling onto her back, she looked down at the perfect moment seeing his cock peeking over the satin panties before he lowered his mouth onto his satin cover clit.

“Shit! Fuck Dean, keep doing that.” The pressure from his tongue lapping over her aching mound and his thumb rubbing circles over her clit was getting her so close to an orgasm. “Keep going handsome, I’m so close to coming.”

Dean’s mouth covered her clit and he sucked as hard he could making her come hard crying out his name. Her hips grinded against his face riding out the waves of pleasure until he was crawling up her body pressing his hard length against her core.

It never ceased to amaze her how this man could roll his hips perfectly hitting all the right spots. Now, (Y/N) was speechless at how he felt against her as his hip grinded against her. The satin panties making it easier for them to match their paces together. She wrapped her legs around his waist bringing him even further down onto her as he snapped his hips against her.

Dean’s body was tense, and she could tell by the urgency he was thrusting against her that he was close to coming. Her second orgasm was building quickly but she wanted to come with him. “Dean, please suck my nipples… I need more.”

His lips wrapped around one of her nipples as he gently sucked and licked at it. “Yes, just like that. Fuck, you feel so good handsome. Make me come with you.” She moaned as his pace quicken against her.

Dean was shamelessly humping her chasing desperately after his own release. “Shit, shit, I’m c-coming!”  he growled then did something she never expected him too.

His teeth bit down on her nipple hard causing her to cry out from the small amount of pain but mostly from the intense orgasm rushing through her body. She was still panting as he stop moving placing small kissed over her breast.

“Shit, I’m so sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean to bite you it was just… everything felt a million times more intense than ever before.” The guilt filling his voice nearly broke her heart.

(Y/N) roughly pulled his mouth to hers smashing their lips together. Her hands trying to push the panties down his legs, so his cock could be free of the restrains. Dean was chuckling as he pulled away from her, “Damn sweetheart I don’t know if I can go for round two yet.”

“Dean Winchester, don’t you dare feel guilty for giving me the most intense and amazing orgasm of my life. That was the hottest dry humping session ever and now I need your thick cock to pound into me. Now.” She frantically pushed down her own panties as he sat up in front of her.

A cocky grin on his face as he slowly stroke his length. She spotted their panties at the end of the bed and pointed at them. “Look at those ruined satin panties, Dean. Look at them and tell me that was not the hottest thing we’ve ever done.”

(Y/N) watched his dark forest eyes widen seeing their ruined panties soaked with their separate releases. Her eyes moved down his body seeing his cock hard once again. “You know what sweetheart, you are absolutely right. However,” he crawled over her body pushing himself deep within her, “nothing will be as hot as my cock buried completely inside of you.”

(Y/N) let out a satisfied moaned as Dean slowly pumped himself in and out of her. “Oh fuck, you are so right about that.”

From that moment on, her and Dean always had a supply of satin panties everywhere they went together for whenever to moment hit them to use them.

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

My Nerd Herd: @waywardbaby @ladywinchester1967 @akshi8278 @ericaprice2008 @mirandaaustin93 @spnbaby-67 @1967-essentialghoul @dean-winchesters-bacon @-lovepeacenhope- @destiel745 @carribear31 @srsllydunnodoncare @whimsicalrobots @thisismysecrethappyplace @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @adoptdontshoppets @mrswhozeewhatsis @bella-ca @drakelover78 @imascio08 @pisces-cutie @dwgrl1903 @mannls @the-salty-asian @winchesterprincessbride @xostephanie @superromijn @witch-of-letters @time-travel-bouqet @screechingartisancashbailiff @myinconnelly1 @sister-winchesters99 @thekatherinewinchester @babykalika2001 @maddiepants @tumbler-tidbits @sandlee44 @destielhoneybee @carryonmywaywardcaptain

[cryptidswrite]

Reckless Abandon

Pairing: Jeongguk x Reader

Genre: angst mostly, a teeny bit of fluff, overwatch au, one shot + epilogue

Warnings: hella geeky with a touch of violence

Word Count: 3,976

Description: Jeongguk is Busan’s pride and joy. He protects the city from all enemies; omnic and talon alike. His face is plastered on every billboard and every street corner. You can’t even drink a can of soda without feeling like he’s watching you. The glitz and glamour he receives is endlessly irritating to you, his mechanic. When will he wake up and see that there's more important things than fame?

Author’s Note: D.va’s animated short had me feeling some type of way. So this is pretty much based off of that. Thanks, Blizzard. If only they’d make a kpop idol D.va skin. Only then will all my dreams have come true. This is my second attempt at truly writing a fic so bare with me.

“Former ESports Champion turned meka pilot, Jeon Jeongguk has done it again! Just last week he risked his life to save Busan from the Keishun ominics. At just 20 years old, he’s become South Korea’s star in the line of defense. Quick to respond to the surprise attack, Jeon and the meka squad were -”

You click off the holovideo with a roll of your eyes and pick up a clean rag to wipe of your greasy face. Rummaging through your tools, you scoff at the latest headlines. Here you are fixing up his mech from the previous week’s battle. He’s all but killed your poor baby, Bunny. The name is lame, you know and Jeongguk reminds you often. Watching how the mech bounces through the battlefields, you feel the name suits her well. So, you’ve lovingly named her Bunny. You nearly took off his head when he brought her back for repairs. The right fusion cannon had been entirely blown off, meaning you had to build a new one from scratch.

Did he care that building that cannon had caused you two sleepless nights? You doubt he’d care much if he knew. He’d probably say “Suck it up, buttercup. The enemy waits for no one.” So you grabbed your wrench and you sucked it up. As much as you hate to say it, the city does depend on him. Hell, the country kind of depends on him. It seems like too much for any one person.

You sigh and hoist yourself inside the mech to finish repairing the inside control panel. You and Jeongguk have been friends for as long as you can remember. It’s funny how you were once modifying his hoverboard when you were kids and now you’re fixing his mech as he comes home from yet another battle. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t worried about him. The boy, who was once carefree and blithe, now shoulders the responsibility of protecting an entire nation. You don’t know how he does it and honestly, you wish he didn’t have to.

Jeongguk taps on the thick glass of Bunny’s windshield. You were so immersed in the control panel, you didn’t hear him come in. Why is he here? You furrowed your brows at him as you opened the back hatch of the mech.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out taking pictures with your fans or something?” You say, sounding a little more bitter than you had intended.

He sighs, “Don’t be like that, y/n. The fame thing is annoying and overrated. I’ve told you a thousand times.”

“Whatever. Really though, I told you I’d call you when I’m done with repairs and updates. She’s nowhere near ready. I need at least another week.”

“Another week?” he whines, “I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

You roll your eyes in annoyance and move to get out of the mech. He holds out his hand as an offer to help you down and you take it. “Guk, what’s the rush? The Keishun probably won’t attack for at least another couple of months. You really need a break,”

“You know I can’t take a break. We barely won last time. The enemy is out there evolving and finding ways to become stronger. I have to stay a few steps ahead of them. My squad, this city, the country… They need me at my best. We can’t afford to lose. If I lose, than we lose everything. I’m not going to risk that.”

“Stopping putting all of this on yourself. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. You’re only human, Jeon.”

He shrugs and says, “I know. I’ve got this.”

You know he’s not listening to what you’re saying. You sigh and give up on scolding him. It’s an old fight, you know it will come up again. He’s always worried about everyone else and never himself. It makes you so angry you could scream, but you won’t. Having been his friend for so long, you should probably learn to accept his fearless martyr attitude. But why should you have to accept it? It’s entirely unfair. While he’s off worrying about the rest of the world, someone needs to worry about him.

You turn your back to him and grab the large cable laying on the ground. You plug it into the main computer that programs the mech. You need to push this matter aside and focus on running program tests for Bunny.

“Can you please get in the mech and see if the right arm has decent mobility?” You say gently, without looking at him. You know that if you look at him right now, you might cry out of frustration and that will upset him. He has enough on his plate without worrying about you too.

“Alright.”

Once you hear the closing clicks from the back hatch of the mech, you allow yourself to turn around. The mech immediately comes to life around him and he’s fully focused on the task at hand. He does as you say and moves the right arm through a full range of motions. Somehow, he looks the most natural inside the mech. You can’t explain it.

Maybe it’s because you’re so used to seeing him in the mech. Somehow, it’s almost like Bunny has become a part of him. Maybe it’s the fluid way he pilots the mech. There’s never a hiccup or pause between his thoughts and the mech’s movements. He’s really an incredible pilot, you must admit. He never fails to leave you in awe. You’d never tell him this though. His ego is already much too big for your liking.

“She’s moving better than ever. The arm even feels lighter! How’d you do it?” He turns the mech towards you, excitement radiating through his smile. You can’t help but grin back, feeling your chest swell with pride. He did recognize your hard work.

“I’m glad you’ve noticed. I wanted to experiment with using carbon fiber material instead of the steel we have been using. It’s much lighter, but just as strong. We’ll see how this one holds up in battle and then I might replace the left cannon with the same material.”

He ejects himself from the mech to closer inspect the fusion cannon. Running his fingers along the bright green paint, he turns to you with a grin.

“This is fucking incredible, y/n. Do you know how much faster I can move? Imagine a whole meka made of this stuff. We’d be lethal!”

You laugh, “You already are lethal, but yeah. That’s the end goal. Even with just the cannons replaced, it’ll tone down the overall bulk of the mech. I’ve also been working on ways to narrow down the spread of the cannons so you can be more precise with your aim.”

“You really are brilliant, you know that?”

You smirked, “Obviously. You’d be screwed without me.”

“Honestly, I would be.”

You move around him and climb back into the mech. “Okay. Enough of the sappy shit, Jeon. Bunny and I have tests to finish running.”

“I can help, you know. It is my mech after all.”

You open your mouth to argue, but something on the computer monitor caught your eye. That can’t be right… An incoming enemy? You get out of the mech, scrambling to get a better look. The monitor flashes blood red and you can hear the shrill city sirens go off, signaling for the people of Busan to take cover. Four aircrafts are making their way towards the meka base.

“No, no, no. It’s too early. They attacked just last week. How do they have more omnics ready?”

Jeongguk had already pulled the heavy cable from Bunny and locked himself inside. His headset was on and he began checking each system to prepare for take off.

“Guk, no! Y-you're not ready. I’ll call the rest of the team. You have to sit this one out!” You say firmly, stepping in front of Bunny.

“We can’t wait for backup, y/n. The omnics will be in the city by then. I can’t let that happen. I’m going.” He looks at you fiercely and from that one look you know that you’ll never be able to talk him out of it. You feel your heart break as you step aside for him take off.

Soundlessly, you sit down at the monitor and slip on your headset. If he’s going to be an idiot and charge into battle, than you’re going to be there to talk him through it. There’s no way in hell you’re going to just sit on the sidelines and watch him get hurt. You quickly pull the radar onto the screen to find the direction the Keishun are heading.

“It looks like they’re heading north, towards Suyeong-gu.” Your voice cracks slightly as you say this.

If he recognized the hesitance in your words, he didn’t show it. “I’m on it. Boosters engaged!” He calls.

Without even a glance, he takes off from the meka base and toward the Keishun. You kept telling yourself not to cry. You have to stay focused right now, you don’t have time to cry. You pulled the mech’s dash camera on to the screen, this way you could see exactly what he sees. You also pulled up a screen from the mecha hud, in order to monitor Jeongguk’s vitals.

You watched as he soared through the sky. The enemy’s small dots on the radar grew closer and closer to Bunny’s. The aircrafts took form before the camera on the dash. They’re much smaller than you had expected, about half the size of a jet. However, you knew better than anyone not to dismiss the omnic based on the size of the aircraft. The body of the craft is flat and triangular with four cord like appendages spinning behind it. As stupid as it sounds, it reminds you a little of a mechanical squid.

The omnics spot Jeongguk immediately and aim a barrage of missiles toward him. The missiles streak through the sky at an unforgiving speed, but Jeongguk was a step ahead.

“Activating Defense Matrix.” You hear his voice through your headset, tone calm and even.

The missiles soar into the matrix and explode meters away from their obvious target. Jeongguk gave them no time to react before flying into an attack of his own. He wove through the sky and aimed his micro missiles at the nearest omnic, effectively removing it from the battle. The remaining three went separate ways; One retreating, one racing towards the meka base, and the last flew straight towards the city.

“Watch it, Guk! They’re splitting up.” You warn, voice tense.

“I see it!” He calls as he races toward the omnic retreating.

You don’t care what Jeongguk said, you’re calling Jimin for backup. You quickly type in the code to have the meka base system send for help. You pray Jimin will make it there in time.

 Bunny caught up to the enemy in mere seconds. Jeongguk flew above the omnic and shot it down from above. ‘Two down, two to go.’, you thought. Maybe you shouldn’t have signaled for Jimin to come. Just as you thought that, the Keishun omnic that was headed toward the base flipped around and headed straight for Bunny.

“Jeongguk! Behind you!” You cry, feeling your heart jump into your throat..

Caught of guard, he turned Bunny around just to be thrown in the midst of the enemy’s missile attack. He didn’t have enough time to activate his Defense Matrix, he’d have to try and dodge the oncoming missiles. He swerved sharply to the right, but he wasn’t fast enough to save Bunny’s left arm.

“Dammit.” He growled through clenched teeth. He aims for the Keishun using only his right fusion cannon. His bullets caught the enemy’s craft and the omnic fell from the sky.

“Y/n. Where’s the last one?”

“He’s headed toward the city. You’ll have to hurry.”

Jeongguk whipped the mech towards the city and sped off, pushing Bunny as fast as she could go. You could hear his bated breaths through the headset and his pleas for Bunny to make it there in time. Your chest felt tight and you thought you were going to puke. You gripped the desk fiercely, knuckles white, in a desperate attempt to ground yourself.

With the last omnic in sight, Bunny unleashed an array of missiles and bullets toward the enemy. You’ve never seen Jeongguk miss a shot, never, but this time he missed. Something definitely feels off. You check Bunny’s hud for Jeongguk’s vitals and run a quick damage report on Bunny. Jeongguk is fine, but he had pushed Bunny too hard. Her boosters are beginning to fail, which is causing the mech to drag.  

“Guk, Jimin should be on-” The remaining omnic took you both by surprise. It turns it’s aim from the city and races toward Guk’s mech. He raises Bunny’s right fusion cannon to aim, but it’s too late. The omnic slams into Bunny and wraps it’s four tentacle-like arms around them. Jeongguk tries to aim the right fusion cannon towards the omnic, but the omnic was too strong and snapped the mech’s arm clean off. The Keishun was trying to crush the mech.

“Y/n. I need your help. I need you to override Bunny’s system.” His voice is calm and sure. If he’s afraid, you can’t tell.

“I-I can’t. You know that will cause her to self destruct.” You say. You didn’t realize you’ve been crying until you heard your voice crack. Dammit. This isn’t the time. You will yourself to pull it together.

“I’ll be fine, y/n. Trust me.” He tells you softly. To your right, you can see Jimin’s meka on the landing strip getting ready for take off. You quickly send Bunny’s coordinated to Jimin’s meka. He will be there soon. You just need to buy him a little time.

“I need you to buy me a few minutes to override the system. Can you do that, Jeon?” You’re lying through your teeth. You know each program on that mech like the back of your hand. You could do it in seconds, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“Hell yeah, I can.”

He uses what’s left of Bunny’s left arm to swing at the omnic. You hear the sharp sound of crunching metal as he lands the hit.  He grabs his hand-held blaster from beside him, sticks his arm underneath Bunny’s windshield and fires at the omnics lower left arm. The metallic tentacle falls dead weight. Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Jimin’s mech take flight toward the city. So you begin to override the system.

“Alright, I’ve got it. You have sixty seconds until Bunny self destructs. Jimin will be there to catch you.”

“That’s not fast enough! We’ll be in the city by then. It’s gotta be now.” He says. You can hear the distinct clicks of the back hatch opening. You know exactly what he’s planning and your eyes widen with panic.

“Jeongguk, don’t you fucking dare.” You cry, vision blurring.

“I’ll be alright, y/n. I’ll see you soon, okay?” He didn’t give you any time to answer. He ejects himself from the mech, uses his blaster to take careful aim at Bunny’s core and fires.

You run to the window in time to see a green light flash across the sky. You know somewhere Jeongguk has fallen into the water bellow.

_____________________________________

Jeongguk can only remember small fragments of events after the initial blast. He remembers briefly fighting against the water with his lungs burning and his legs heavy. He remembers a bright light shining down on him and people shouting as the waves lapped against his listless aching body. He remembers your warm hand grasping his as he was being wheeled along under fluorescent lights. He could here your pleas for him to hold on. He wished he weren’t so tired. He wished he could squeeze your hand back and tell you he was alright.

The lights were bright and they make his eyes ache. He wishes someone would turn them off, or at least dim them. Jeongguk turns his head to the side and finds you curled up in a chair, staring out the window. He wonders what you’re thinking about. He swallows harshly, lips and throat feeling dry.

“Hey.” You hear him say, voice hoarse and tired.

You reply with a soft ‘Hi’, attention still on the street bellow. You feel exhausted. You haven’t been able to sleep since he’s been in the hospital. The doctors have offered you a bed and pills to help you fall asleep, but you don’t want them. You wanted to be here when he woke up. Now, you’re really not sure why. You’d cried all day yesterday, how do you still have anything left?

Nonetheless, you felt tears spill down your cheeks. You really don’t want him to see you cry. He hates it when you cry.

“How long have I been out?” He asks, wincing as he moved to sit up. His arms and back are still so sore. He wonders how far he fell.

“Two days, not too long.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“Are you crying? God, please don’t cry. You have the ugliest crying face.” He teases you, hoping to ease the tension surrounding the room.

You turn toward him feeling absolutely furious. Standing up, you march to his bedside and deliver a sharp smack to the back of his head.

“Ow, what the hell is the matter with you?” He rubs his head glaring at you.

“What the hell is the matter with YOU? Do you know what it’s been like fucking waiting here while you were in surgery? While you’ve been sleeping? This whole thing could have been prevented if you’d just let someone help you, but God forbid you let someone else steal your fucking spotlight. You run headfirst into these life or death situations without thinking of the consequences and I’m fucking sick of it. I never should’ve let you go out there alone. I should’ve locked Bunny down and made your dumbass wait for backup. Never again, Jeongguk. I swear. I’ll never let anything like this happen again…” Your eyes are brimmed with tears and burning with a kind of anger Jeongguk has never seen from you.

“Do you really think I did all that for a headline or two?” He sounded sincerely hurt and you almost felt bad for implying that.

“I don’t know, Jeongguk. I can’t figure out if you’re extremely selfish or just stupidly selfless. All I know is that I can’t watch you kill yourself.”

“I'm not gonna die, y/n. Jesus. Will you please-”

“I love you too much for that. I….I don’t think I can be your mechanic anymore.” You cut him off, tone much softer than before. You’ve been thinking about this for weeks now and you wish it hadn’t come down to this, but it feels like it has too. You can’t watch him destroy himself with his reckless decisions.

“Y/n…..I can’t do this without you. This isn’t about fame, it never has been. I just want to protect this country and everyone I love. I’ll admit, I should have waited for backup. I pushed Bunny to hard and I destroyed her. I did it to protect everyone, not for the fame. Please, I need you there…” Ignoring the plea of his body to stay resting, he leaned forward and took your hand.

You couldn’t look at him right now because you know you’d give him anything he wanted if you did. You muffled a sob with your other hand. Why does he have to make this so difficult for you?

He tugged you closer to him with a grimace and you didn’t put up a fight. You know you should have, but you couldn’t. Not when you heard the break in his voice as he whispered ‘come here’. He pulled you close and felt the sobs you had been fighting rake through your body. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and held you as close he possibly could.

“I know I’m reckless. I know I don’t think things through like I should, but I can try to be more careful. I'll take a break even. I just…. I didn’t know it upset you so much. Please, y/n. Just stay.”

“I'm sorry, Jeongguk. I-I'm so sorry.”

You tried to pull away, but he just held you even tighter. You felt his tears soak through the shoulder of your shirt. Why are you so weak? Your mind was screaming at you to get up and leave, but you just couldn't. Not with him choking out hysterical apologies and clinging to you the way he is. The dam was broken now and every little emotion that he had held back was hitting him full force. You couldn’t leave him like this. Your resolve was crumbling fast, but it didn’t matter anymore.

You laid down next to him and he clung to you. You ran your fingers through his hair while he cried. His shaky breath began to slow down and you knew he was falling asleep. You let your mind wonder.

Maybe, you could stay. Maybe, he meant what he said and he just didn’t know how seriously this affected you and those around him. Maybe, you’re just thinking too hopefully. Maybe, you’re just exhausted and incapable of making any kind of decisions right now.

“I love you, Guk.” you whispered to him. You doubt he heard it.

Your eyes felt too heavy to keep open and you let yourself finally drift into sleep.

___________________________________

You were gone when he woke up. He should've been able to predict that, but it still stung. He'd hoped that maybe you would change your mind, as selfish as that sounds. Maybe he should listen to you. He’s been in battles much worse, but this time around even he couldn't deny that he had taken it too far.

Did he really expect to be able to live a long and healthy life like this? You're right and he knew it. It's just hard to understand the reality of the situation. He needed to make some changes. It seemed dramatic when you said it, but it's true. He's killing himself and he can't keep it up anymore.

He tapped the button to call the nurses in. His head was pounding and he wasn't sure if it was the injuries or the thoughts swirling around his skull. He wandered where his phone was, if someone would bring it to him. He's ready to give up piloting mekas for good if that's what it took to keep you there. None of it really mattered if you weren't by his side. He loves you and it’s time for him to tell you.

[thedeviljudges]

for @hoppnhorn and from this tweet + tags: there’s a man sitting at barnes & nobles rn & his wife keeps bringing him books to hold and saying “oh just one more” and he looked at me and said “she can get the whole store and i’ll carry it for her.”

Billy doesn’t like surprises.

Scratch that. He loathes them, and Steve knows there are very good reasons for the anxiety that wells in Billy’s chest when something is sprung on him at the last minute. So, when Steve had asked him if they could go somewhere together – no guesses and no reveals – Billy had sent him a trepid stare that revealed much more than he would’ve liked to have admitted.

But as it stands, Billy sweeps his gaze across the room, and his thoughts swing from this is a joke; it’s got to be a fucking joke to the haunted thought that this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me; fuck you, Harrington.

He doesn’t know what to say, feels an awful lot like a fool for standing at the front of the store without losing himself to the massive amounts of shelves that litter the space. Billy finds that he’s stuck, boots like sandbags against the floor, and it doesn’t help that Steve’s staring at him with doe eyes, trying his best to gauge Billy’s reaction.

Thing is, Billy doesn’t even know what his overall feelings on the matter are, but he does know that his breath catches, and he may or may not feel the thick of tears at the corner of his eyes when he takes in the store from the highest vantage point they’ve got.

They’re standing in a recycled book shop, building full of used books, bins and shelves decorated with color and mustiness that only comes with ageing paper and creased spines. Billy might even say it smells a bit like mothballs, but the quality of air doesn’t compare to the way his chest tightens when he realizes that Steve thought about him, was considerate enough to do so amidst the effort and worry over whether Billy would freak out over the gesture.

“You don’t have to do this,” is what Steve is saying. They’re next to each other, shoulder-to-shoulder, with Steve’s sweater brushing against his leather jacket, looking so out of place and possibly suspicious the longer they stand in front of the door that had chimed as soon as they’d walked in. “I thought it’d be better if you had something to do, you know? You’re always re-”

“Anything?” Billy interrupts, sending Steve an apologetic smile when he snaps his mouth shut. The nerves the other boy feels are tangible, the anxiety radiating off of him tenfold because he’d planned this for Billy with the hopes that maybe, just maybe, he’d like it.

Billy doesn’t really know how to tell him how much he actually loves it.

“Anything you want,” Steve answers, the corner of his mouth slowly curving into a sheepish smile. “I’d buy you the whole store if you asked.”

It’s so sappy that Billy shudders at the tone of Steve’s voice, the sincerity Billy derided long before he learned that Steve always means every word he ever says. He laughs, though, just a huff that makes his nose scrunch and the corner of his eyes crinkle in mirth. If he could, he’d take Steve’s hand in his, squeeze their palms together in a familiar gesture when he can’t find the words he wants to use to let Steve knows he cares.

But even without the ability to do that now, Steve already gets it. He gives Billy a gentle nod of understanding, reminiscent of Billy’s mother and the notion that he hadn’t thought anyone would ever replicate the general kindness she emanated.

That thought alone leaves him tender and raw underneath the mask of nonchalance he’s reveled in for so long.

“How much time we got?”

Steve shrugs, brows lifting along with the movement. “As much as you need.”

There’s guilt somewhere deep in his chest at the thought of Steve wasting his time dawdling behind Billy while he succumbs to the creeping excitement over the striking amount of literature at his fingertips. It’s the same awareness he basks in when he lingers in the library after a rough day, fingers ghosting over the jackets, which crinkle under the pressure.

But Billy also reminds himself that Steve brought him here, purposefully decided that taking Billy to an old, dusty bookshop was worth the time, was worth his time. “You’re sure about this?” Billy asks just in case, but he can see the ease in Steve’s shoulders and the thrum of elation that spreads so easily across his features. Steve may not be a bookworm, but he loves the fact that Billy is.

“I know a library is probably more practical,” Steve says as Billy finally draws them into the shop. There’s not many people in today, and the kid running register looks bored as hell reading through the local newspaper, but Steve’s voice fits quite nicely with the atmosphere: warm and scrupulous under the low lighting, illuminating only what’s most important, “but I know you love your mother’s copy of As I Lay Dying, and I thought used books, well-”

To which Billy pauses, keeps his eyes on Steve as he plucks a random book off the shelf, observing the cover both front and back, before returning it to the same spot he’d found it in. “Harrington-”

“-they tell a story of their own. We could go somewhere else, though.”

“Harrington,” Billy tries anew, but Steve’s on a tangent of nerves again, the kind that Billy doesn’t like because it means that Steve’s doubting himself.

“They could be new if-”

“Harrington,” he finally says, undercuts Steve by reaching for his wrist. They’re between two bookshelves that tower over them, and no one else is in the aisle, so Billy takes advantage of what little privacy they have, doesn’t even think about hesitating as he pulls the boy flush against his body. “It’s perfect,” he says, noticing how easy it slips off his tongue. Billy cups the underside of Steve’s jaw, thumb rubbing small circles into his skin that not only eases the tension, but becomes an excuse just to touch Steve.

He’s incredibly tepid under Billy’s touch, going soft underneath his efforts. The brown of Steve’s eyes turns a little hazy as they stand there staring. Billy steals a kiss, short and sweet and realizes he likes the way Steve hums in return, a pleased purr following the delicate flush of his cheeks.

It doesn’t take much more than Billy grinning impishly for Steve to regain his bearings, pulling away from him as he clears his throat. “You’re such a menace,” Steve says as he pushes past Billy.

They take their time, Billy admiring nearly every book as they past shelf after shelf. Some of them he recognizes, while others he doesn’t, but he pulls them off the shelf, examines them, and then decides if it’s a keeper. In the meantime, Steve watches Billy with a fluidity he’s only seen a few times in his life – playing basketball, during sex. Billy handles each book with care despite the fact that some are falling apart at the seams. They’re old, don’t cost more than a couple of cents, but he acts as if every single piece matters.

“It’s not too many, is it?” Billy assures, glancing back at Steve who’s become the basket. Books are piled in his hands, overflowing to the point where he’s not sure if he’ll be able to hold another even if Billy tried to deposit one carefully.

But that’s not what Billy refers to when he takes a few from Steve’s hands, holds them in his own, licks his lips and stares at every book like he regrets his choices.

“You’ll read them all, right?” Steve asks, knows that some of the classics, the stories even he’s heard of, are burning holes right through his arms.

“Yes,” Billy says without pause, blinks back at Steve with owlish eyes that let him know the absurdity of the question.

“Then it’s never enough,” Steve supplies, manages to find a near-empty shelf to set everything on. Billy helps him, restacks the books so they’re neatly aligned and much easier to carry, and even then, he treats each book with just as much care as his mother taught him to.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know,” Billy ends up blurting with the abysmal reflection that he was long past the point of feeling remorse. There aren’t a lot of things that get under Billy’s skin anymore, but sometimes things still do. In the wake of Steve’s kindness, this sorta feels like a little too much.

“Save it, Hargrove,” Steve insists, abruptly ending Billy’s tumultuous thoughts. He’s bundled all of the books close to his chest as if he knows exactly what Billy’s thinking, and it’s difficult not to come to the conclusion that he looks like a child unwilling to share.

It effectively stops Billy from sliding a few out of the stack to quietly place back on the shelf. “You fight dirty,” he mumbles, arms crossing over his chest in an attempt to look upset.

It doesn’t work, however, when Steve snorts and says, “It’s either this or me picking out an assortment all on my own.” He gives Billy a pointed look, a don’t argue one if Billy were gauging correctly, and then he continues, “We both know how well that would go. I’d like for you to not laugh at me for my choices in reading material. Thank you.”

“Alright,” Billy gives in, watches as Steve relaxes, handing him an entire stack like he’s trusting Billy not to run off with them. “But this is it, then. You’re not buying me anything else.”

There’s a glimmer in Steve’s eye, one that’s up to no good, and Billy knows it means the opposite of what he’s asked, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself because the, “Okay,” that slips from Steve’s lips definitely says one thing while everything about him says something else.

Billy doesn’t press it, however, knows better than anyone that Steve is just as stubborn as he is.

“Thank you,” he murmurs a few minutes later after Steve’s paid. The plastic bags are in his hand, heavy weights holding him hostage to the fact that Steve is everything he could’ve dreamed of and more.

He hopes his mother would’ve thought so, too.

Instead of shrugging Billy off or pretending he hadn’t heard his admission - both of them knowing that Billy doesn’t often do saccharine - Steve climbs into the car and waits for Billy to follow. “You’re welcome,” he says after a beat, when the heat is turned up and the slush from the light snowfall begins to disintegrate from the windows.

Billy rubs his hands together to warm them up, and despite the fact that they’re in a public parking lot, he leans in close to Steve, reaches for his hand before pressing his lips to the pink of Steve’s knuckles.

Steve, with everything he’s got in him, smiles beautifully.