#but also he and my mom went into major debt when they were new to being adults

[knaveofmogadore]

Thinkin

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way: Chapter 4

Dark!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader Tommy Miller x reader (secondary)

Masterlist

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, an both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death

I don't wannt say special warnings for every chapter but I need y'all to know 1. It says in the warnings rape, not Joel 2. HEAVY HEAVY victim blaming that is NOT MY ACTUAL THOUGHTS and 3. oh my god, when I say graphic depictions of violence...... so much for this chapter. Like Joel describes torcher.

AN: I wrote a 12 page research paper last Friday through Tuesday, wrote a 3 paper essay Friday and TODAY I wrote 5 pages on Candide by Voltaire THEN hoped on here to write this all while battling a cold and taking finales. So if this sucks, please be nice, I still got another week of finals 🥺

***********

Things had greatly improved for you after that. Joel tended to the branding wound and despite being the one who gave it to you, it still had the effect you knew Joel intended; the intimacy it endeared him to you. Tommy, who had became your primary caregiver, also tended to the wound when Joel was too busy being… Joel… to take care of you. When Joel was too drunk, too angry, too busy killing raiding and asserting his authority to spend much more time with you besides sex and gentle touches after, Tommy was there, ready to swoop in. Sometimes Tommy changed the bandage very quickly after Joel, and you suspected it wasn’t because he thought you needed it, but more that he wanted to clean you of Joel, he wanted his bandaged wrapped around your thigh, his fingers trailing on the skin…

Joel, although not chatty, began to spend a little more time with you, not just fucking you. Well, he usually fucked you. But the routine of Joel coming back from a raid, rape you, and carefully bathing your trembling and shaken body has been exchanged for a new routine.

 Joel comes home, he comes in the room carrying a bag or a box or just fighting a few items. Then he fucks you, of course, and you do your best to enjoy it. He makes you come, he always does, and hasn’t pushed the issue of kissing, then comes on you. The week you were ovulating and on your period, this was exchanged for blow jobs, and you had a chance to show what you actually knew how to do; pleasure men with your mouth. You could take a lot, when you were in control and you knew how to work a man when they weren’t beating you, and when you looked up at Joel, with your hands on his thighs thick as tree trunks, you knew you had him. Joel would then set up a bath, even if you just blew him, and carried you there and back, always, where he’d then sit quietly as you went through the few items he brought. Maybe a new shirt, curtains for the window that had been fixed but partially bordered up fix your escape, a book, nail polish, snacks… little things that slowly made your position livable. 

Tommy didn’t bring you much, he couldn’t, you knew, without raising Joel’s suspicions, but he did spend time with you. Games of go-fish continued as did Uno when he found you a pack, and you slowly got to know bits and pieces more of his life pre-outbreak; a life you were too young to remember. He told you he watched his niece die the first day, and since you never heard mentions of other siblings, you assumed his niece was Joel’s daughter, and you couldn’t help feel sympathy for why Joel was the way that he was. All this had given you a sense of power you didn’t have before, and Nick was right that day on the porch; you had both of the Millers wrapped around your figure, to a certain extent.

And you got cocky.

Your bedroom door remained locked at all times, and it was Tommy who took you to the bathroom when needed. To get there, Tommy and you passed the living room as Tommy held your hand, and many times, Nick was in the living room, watching… Ever since you licked Joel’s neck, Nick became more blatant in his harassment. Once, you walked by, ever-attached to Tommy’s side, Nick was sitting down on a recliner, green eyes staring at you intently, and you watched as he palmed his erection while making direct eye contact. In response, you flipped him off.

“Nick, knock it off” Tommy barked at him, stepping between you as he guided you inside the bathroom and placing you on the other side of him when he walked you back, questioning you about the interaction.

“What the hell happened there?” He asked, the concern clear in his eyes. “He do something to yuh?”

You shake your head. “No, he’s just an asshole”

Tommy couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, he is. You’d tell me if he did, right?”

Joel asked you a similar question weeks ago, and you had wondered what it was, at the time, that made Joel think you would actually trust him, but it was clear that Joel had a different idea of what this relationship was. With Tommy, it was different. You would tell Tommy, and Tommy would tell Joel, and Joel would brutally hurt or kill them, depending on the offense. 

“Joel left me alone with him the morning after…” You shift a bit, remembering what was done to you before things got better. Tommy’s face softened, but the guilt was there, so you continued on. “He said Joel would get tired of me, and when Nick gets his chance…” You don’t finish the threat, Tommy knew.

Tommy took your hand, he had been growing more and more physical lately. It was innocent; comforting. A reminder that Tommy was there, ever your protector. “I won’t let that happen. When Joel is done with you, I’ll help you. Get you somewhere safe.”

“But there's nowhere to go, Tommy! I can’t go home, my dad will just sell me off again, and my brother is dead, I have nowhere to go.”

Tommy hesitated before speaking. “Listen, you can’t ever tell Joel, but I got… some connections. A town you’ll be safe in. I promise.”

You wait for a moment before speaking, ever so quietly. “Can’t we… can’t we just go?”

The way Tommy looked at you, you instantly regretted asking that. Tommy looked so guilty, so sorry, that it physically hurt you to see the pain he was in. “I’m sorry, honey. I really am… but you’ve seen how Joel is with you, he’d never let you go. He’d come for you,”

“Wouldn’t he just buy someone else?” You felt bad, wanting to throw this onto someone else, but as good as things have gotten, you were still living on the edge, walking a thin line.

Tommy shook his head. “You don’t understand. You are the first girl Joel’s ever taken here, he doesn’t do this. He’s obsessed with you.”

“Lucky me”

Sighing, Tommy pulled you closer to him. “I’m sorry this is happening to you, I really am. I don’t know how long you’ll be here but I promise you two things. One, I’m going to try and make this as easy on you as I can, and I’m gonna do my best to keep you safe, okay?” He waits until you nod before continuing. “But when all this is over, I ain’t lett’n them have you. I’ll take you to Jackson. Everything will be okay.”

You lean into him, his firm chest comforting you. “Will you come with me?”

Tommy didn’t have an honest answer. There were a lot of questions that would need to be answered, like what he and Maria were, if Joel would even let him go… but for now he wanted to pretend. “Yeah, I’ll go with you, sweetheart.”

You should have known not to get too comfortable, not with Tommy’s protection, with Joel’s change in behavior, and especially with your disgusted taunting on Nick. You should’ve known, or at least played your cards as if you knew Nick had something up his sleeve, his own way to blackmail you and effectively keep you from the Millers.

When you hear the door open, you assume it’s Joel and put down the book, prepared to service Joel. Instead, you see Nick in the doorway.

“JOEL!” You immediately yell, knowing Nick would regret evening coming to the room.

But Nick just laughs. “Joel’s gone, so is your little knight in shining armor.” He took a few steps forward in your small room, and you scramble back.

Tommy and Joel were gone… You try to push down your panic, attempting to keep yourself calm as you stand up. “So what now? You’re gonna keep threatening me, slap me round a bit? If you do anything, Joel will know, and you’ll be dead.”

Nick’s only reply is to grab your hair and slam you against the wall, pressing his body up against yours and his hot, smelly breath in your ear. “We’ll see about that.”

You’d like to think you would have fought, fought like you did Joel the first time he took you, but you were broken into submission. It wouldn’t have done any good anyway, you were weak from sitting in one room all day for weeks on end; Nick was stronger. He seemed to know how to hurt you in ways that wouldn’t mark: yanking hard on your hair enough he ripped chunks out, gripping your face at a strength that won’t bruise at your skin tone, slapping you everywhere, which will fade by the time Joel is back. As he violates you, he continues saying disgusting things, calling you names, degrading you… why did this feel worse than Joel? Why did you feel more disgusted, more violated…

“Joel’s always bragging about how he makes you cum, but I’m not gonna do that, you don't get to have that pleasure, you’re not worth it, whores don’t get orgasms.”

You didn’t want it, you refused it from Tommy, you fought it from Joel for a long time, and you think that Nick realized that.

“Or maybe I should make you cum, huh?” Nick panted, thrusting painfully into you. “How embarrassing would that be?”

You shut your eyes, trying so hard not to give away that you really did not want to cum, you wanted it to just end.

But he knew. Nick touched you, working your body methodically coldly, nothing like even how Joel did early on, when he was determined to make you cum; even though, Joel touched you with passion and fervor, even if violence. The orgasm was weak, it didn’t feel good, just a spasming of the muscle. 

“Look at you, coming on your rapists cock, fucking pathetic” Nick said after you came, jerking himself onto you as you cried.

You curl in on yourself, not looking at Nick as he dressed. “What now? You can’t kill me, and I’m going to tell Joel.” You say miserably, deadset and determined to tell Joel like you promised him you would, and get Nick killed.

Nick shakes his head. “No, you won’t tell him” He laughed. “If you do, I’ll tell him about you and Tommy. How you fucking begged like a whore for Tommy, like Joel wasn’t going to be enough, you needed to get stuffed twice. I don’t imagine Joel will take very well to his brother being the one to break you open. The walls are thinner here than you two seemed to think.”

You freeze. He’s right, you can’t tell Joel, because if Joel finds out, you are certainly dead, but more importantly… Tommy… you can’t be the reason Tommy is hurt…

Nick laughs cruelly, kicking a blanket vaguely to your direction “Better clean yourself up,” He said, referencing his cum on your body. “Before you get Tommy killed.”

And you did, despite your disgust and tears, because you couldn’t make Tommy suffer because you had chosen to taunt Nick, bringing this on yourself…

When Joel came home and into your room, he was surprised by your reaction. You smile was forced, he could tell, but he figured you just had a long day without Tommy’s company. Were you lonely? He didn’t want you to me, but he couldn’t trust anyone but Tommy… maybe you needed some sunshine, he could take you outside again? He doubted you would make a run for it with him right there… “Found a few comics, thought you might like them.” And you can’t help but notice the uncertainty in his voice. When he took you as he always did, you were less engaged, distracted almost… but you clung to him, arms wrapped tightly around him as you buried your face in his shoulders.

“Fuck are you cryin?” Joel pulled back, he loved when you cried, says you ‘cry so pretty’, “God, look at you” He said, whipping a tear away from your crying face. “Hurts so good, doesn’t it?”

But you only pulled him close to you again, wanting him over you, wanting the protection of his body, even if it was under the sole purpose of fucking you.

“Can you cum for me, little girl?”

You shook your head.

“C’mon” Joel began to touch you, to kiss you where he could. “I want you to cum”

“Joel, I’m tired.” All you could think about was Nick calling you pathetic for cumming on your rapist's cock.

Joel wants to argue, wants to make you cum, he loves how you feel around him, how you sound, how you look… but something was wrong today, so he dropped it, cumming on you and following the routine of drawing you a bath, but when he came back… you were still crying… Joel was not a soft man. He lost all that when he lost Sarah… but something was just so painfully off today…

“Did I hurt you again?” He asked, afraid he accidentally did something.

“No. I’m just really tired. Didn’t sleep good last night.”

Joel accepted the answer well enough, carrying you to the bath and noting how harshly you clung to him, but did not shower him in kisses or cuddles… it seemed desperate, like clinging to a raft in a storm.

When he took you back in the room, he found himself more talkative than usual, as you were more quiet. You looked at the comic books, happy to have more to read but confused at what it was..

“I know you ain’t ever seen Star Wars, but, ya know, you’re smart, I’m sure you can figure it out right?”

You give him a small smile. You weren’t sure how you felt right now, everything was so fresh, so new, but you didn’t want to make Joel angry, you didn’t want to lose the small comforts you had… “Thank you, Joel”

The science in the room prompted him to keep talking. “I could… I could tell you about them, some time. The last movie came out right before everything…” Joel stopped himself. He’d seen the last three movies in theaters with Sarah… “I could tell you who everyone is, what the force is n’such.”

To his relief, you smile a bit more. “That’d be nice. I’m just, really tired right now, can we do it another time?” You felt bad turning down Joel actually talking to you, but you felt like you could just…. Fall asleep. 

He nodded, standing up. “Yeah, get some rest, little one.”

He left you alone. This continued for a week, neither Tommy nor Joel able to get much out of you, and finally Joel pulled Tommy aside. Their own separate relationships with you had been, generally, left out of conversation between the brothers, neither were thrilled with the other. Tommy hated what Joel did to you, Joel hated that Tommy could offer company where he couldn’t, but both put up with it. In the end, however, they were brothers, the last bit of their family and their ‘before’. 

“She say anything to you, recently?” Joel asked.

“That’s vague.”

He sighed. “I mean. She’s been acting strange. Real down, quiet”

Tommy couldn’t help roll his eyes “You keep her captive, Joel.”

Joel glared at his brother. “I’m aware of her position, Tommy, I just… She’s been distrant. Things were better, then she just…  she doesn’t talk to me when I bring her things, she doesn’t want me to make her-”

Tommy held up him hand. “I get it.” As much as yeah, it should be obvious as to why you were being cold toward Joel… he was right. Something was off. You didn’t talk to him much either… “I’ll talk to her.”

“Thanks” Joel muttered guffly.

When Tommy opened the door, he saw you startle, something hadn’t seen for weeks, but had been happening this week. You were laying on your side, curled up, your curtains blocking the little bit of light allow in. “It’s dark in here” He spoke, and you gave a non committal response. “I’ll find you a lamp, okay? That way you can read longer.” another grunt, and Tommy sat on the mattress, placing a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, what's going on? I know that’s kinda a dumb question, considering… but…”

You dare to look up at him, Tommy, your savior, so sweet and so kind and so obviously hurt by your apparent turn… He was so handsome, his eyes bright and soft and pleading for you to let him in… You didn’t want him hurt, you couldn’t stand if he was dead because of you… but you were so hurt, so sad, so violated… you wanted so badly for Tommy to know, for him to hold you, to make everything better…

He saw your eyes welling up, you lip quivering, “Oh honey, oh sweetheart come here” Tommy scooped you up, pulling you onto his lap and cradling your body as you began to cry, close to hysterics as he rocks you and held your head close to his chest. “It’s alright baby, I’m here, I won’t let nothing happen. You just let it all out, sweet girl.” He crooned, and by god, you did. You cried, and cried and crying until your head hurt and your throat ached… all the while Joel stood outside the door. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but he could hear your crying, and wanted to badly to be the one to hold you… but he knew you trusted Tommy more.

When you calmed down just a little, violent sobs settling into soft whimpers and shakes, Tommy touched some hair behind your ear. “Can you tell me what happen? What you need? I’m worried about you”

You knew you had to tell him eventually… maybe if you just told Tommy, he could take care of it, kill Nick before he had a chance to tell Joel… would Nick do it again? How long would he extort you before he told Joel anyway, ending both of you… Yeah, you’d tell Tommy.

It took a few minutes of choking on your words before you were able to choke it out. “N-Nick”

Tommy’s grip on you deepened, but he coaxed your face up to him, and you were once again struck by his soulful eyes. “What did he do, sweet girl? He threaten you again? He touch you?”

You crumple in to sobs again, just barely forcing out. “When you guys left, he-he raped m-me” you watched as Tommy’s face shifted to horror and anger. When he asked if Nick touched you, he had never assumed Nick would be this bold, surely he knew he was a deadman. “Jooooeeel!” Tommy shouted to hsi brother, not caring if Joel saw you in his lap and ignoring your please to stop. No doubt you were worried Joel would hurt you, but Tommy new, he could see it in the concern in Joel's eyes earlier; he wouldn’t do anything to you, not for this, anyway… 

Joel burst through the door, eyes wide and panicked in a way he rarely saw on the hardened man. All Tommy needed to say was one word, and it was over. “Nick” Joel’s face looked almost… hurt, pained. He raised an eyebrow, asking if it was what Joel thought it was, and when Tommy nodded, Joel was off, the look in his face assuring Nick would be dead soon.

“NO! No Joel come back!” You scream, trying to get out of Tommy’s grasp. You couldn’t let him get to Nick, you couldn’t let Nick tell Joel what you had begged Tommy to do. You turn to the younger man. “Tommy, Nick knows, he knows what we did and he’s gonna tell Joel!”

Tommy could feel the blood drain out, but there was no telling where Nick or Joel were now, no stopping it…. Tommy swore everything would be okay, He had to sit here and wait as you continued to thrash and cry in his arms, so filled with anguish and self hatred, until you fell asleep, the door wide open for Jack to walk by and see, but Tommy couldn’t care less anymore.

When Joel came inside the room again, you were fast asleep. “Hey” Tommy greeted his blood soaked brother. “It’s done?”

Joel nodded. “Yeah”

“He say anyth’n to you?” Tommy tried to ask inconspicuously. 

Shaking his head, Joel focus was on your sleeping form. “Didn’t get a chance to. Why?”

Tommy wanted to get ahead of things. “She said he told her if she told us, he’d make up lies about her.” 

“Nah. He tried to. Said he had something to tell me about her, but I din’t wanna hear it”

Joel sat down, trying to take your hand carefully… but Joel wasn’t good at careful. You woke up, gasping awake when you saw him, and Joel’s heart ached at the fear in your eyes. “Hey, it’s alright, it’s alright now. He’s dead.” 

You took up at Tommy, concerned, but Tommy reassures you. “He didn’t say anything. Didn’t get a chance to lie.”

Feeling a little childish, you scoot yourself off Tommy, onto the bed before Joel asks. “Can I talk to you alone, little one?”

You nod, whispering a small yes, and nodding at Tommy that it was okay. Tommy patted Joel on the back and looked you sympathetically before closing the door.

There was a moment that Joel just stared at you, a look on his face you didn’t recognize… he looked so much younger, softer, gentler…

Joel spoke first.“I’m sorry” He said, and you couldn’t quite comprehend that he had just apologized. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me, but I promise, I’m not gonna hurt you, I don’t blame you” Was he… was he choking up?  “I’m fucking sorry but I made sure it’s not gonna happen again-”

“Is he dead?” You whisper, and Joel nods frantically.

“Not right away, that’s why it took so long. Made sure he suffered so everyone knows not to fucking touch you again”

You didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the fact you were so goddamn lonely this week and just craved it, maybe it was the fact you longed for Tommy, or maybe it was the fact Joel’s face and clothes were covered in the blood of the man that raped you… But you surge forward, kissing Joel, gifting him your first kiss. It was immediately hot and needy, you could taste Nick’s blood on his lips as your both wrapped your arms around each other.

“We don’t have to do this tonight, little one. We can rest today” He panted through heated, sloppy kisses.

“I want to.” And you did, you really fucking did for prehaps the first real time. Joel had known Nick for year, Nick was ranked right under Tommy, but none of that mattered, he believed you without a second question, and slaughtered him before he could even explain. “Tell me” You begin to fumble with belt and then push down his pant with your spread legs.

Joel’s hand slid under your pants, fingers quickly working you open and smirking at realizing how fucking fast you got wet at the slight of him covered in blood. “Tell you what, princesa, I’ll tell you anything you wanna hear.”

What he did not expect were your next words. “Tell me what you did you him, I want the detail.” You took off your pants while Joel took off your shirt

You could feel Joel smile against your skin. “Dirty girl, you wanna hear how I tortured him? Made him suffer for what he did to my precious girl?”

You finished taking off each others clothes quickly, desperate to get at each others skin. “Please”

“No need to beg.” Joel lined his cock up, and instead of violently thrusting in, it was slow. “I cut out his tongue first. Tried to tell me he had some secret about you, but his mouth wasn’t worthy to speak your name.”

You release a breath, relaxing onto your mattress and spreading your arms out before wrapping them around Joel. He trusted you more than Nick. He cared about you, and fuck it, you cared about him.

“Shot both his legs so he couldn’t run, then I broke his arm over my knee. Didn’t need to do that, just wanted to feel him break”

Moaning in encouragement, you pull Joel’s hips closer to you, filling you up. “Did you hear the bone snap?”

“I absolutely did.” Joel began to fuck you, hard and fast as you kissed his neck and should, not caring about the blood. “Hung him by his wrists over a tree, nice’n tight, then stripped him down to his underwear while he hung there” 

“Did you castrate him?” 

You could hear Joel smiling, “No, I should’ve. You can, though. I made sure he suffered nice and good though, slow death.”

“What did you do?”

Sweat was beading at Joel’s forehead, but he was holding off. He wanted you to cum first, he could feel you were close, you always were when he fingered you open first.

“Took out my pocket knife and skinned him”

“JOEL!” You scream, cumming all around him.

“That’s it, cum on me baby, just like that, little girl.” 

You weren’t done yet. Joel was far stronger than you, that was obvious, but when you moved to roll over he helped, and for the first time… you were on top.

“Fuck, you’re fucking perfect.” Joel muttered, in awe of you.

“Keep talking, describe it. I’m gonna cum against and I want you to cum with me.” You began to assault his face with wet, sloppy kisses, tasting Nick’s stupid fucking blood. His blood was yours now, his life was taken in your name and he belong to you. You hadn’t really cum down from your first orgasm when the other was nearly there

“He bled so fucking much, princesa, I didn’t care if I hit veined, I just wanted it to hurt. He kept tryna pass out on me, but I’d slap him awake and start over, didn’t stop until I was sure he was done. My pocket knife is still in his heart, we can go out there tomorrow if you want, cut off his dick.”

“MMMMHM!” Your screams were muffled by your face in his neck, biting down on the tanned, rough flesh as he came inside you, filling you up with his cum.

Selfishly, Joel felt like you were his again.

You refused a bath, not tonight, wanting to remain with him as he held you close and played with your hair. 

“You’re never going through that again, little one. Not while I’m still here.” And you believed him.

You fell asleep with Joel half laying on top of you, his body weight warm and firm and comforting and all encompassing around you, and you knew you were safe.

Meanwhile, Tommy sat down the hall, around the corner… waiting for Joel to leave, waiting for you to call you him, waiting for you…

***********

Special thanks to @luc-k-y for letting me use her idea for Joel fucking her while telling her what he did to nick! I read it in her Jake fic, anything for you

PHHHHEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!

That might be the worst of like. The sexual and physical violence for this series tbh. Next chapter will have some violence but like. This is the big turning point. So if that was a lot, don't worry, it's not happening again.

Don't play with blood y'all, especially from men like Nick where you dont know whats in that blood...... but IG std's are the least of Little One's worries

LMK to be added or dropped fromt he tag list!

Reblogs help a lot, and comments are what keep me writing. Not just me, but that series you love reading? the more nice comments and asks you give, the more likely they are to keep writting!

Also yeah I added Tommy to the relationship thing at the beginning lololol I honestly did not origenally plan for this to happen but the first two chpters were written by the seat of my pants. NOW i have a plan

Some tags dont work, but I honestly dont personal post or reblog a whole lot here for if you click to get notifications it shouldnt be too annoying

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3 @bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana @dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld @marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

[littlemoon320]

It's Been a While...

Not sure if anyone even reads my posts, nor does it matter, but I feel like this will help me to kind of type everything out. And I am totally just going to be rambling about random shit that has happened in my life lately, so pay no attention to me or my ADHD brain LOL!

Not sure if I ever made a post about it over the past 2 years...but I'm a mom now! She will be a year old on June 18th...God how fast time has gone. She is a chunky ball of sunshine and is legit the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know a lot of mothers say this, because for a lot of us, it's true. Children completely change your entire life and she did exactly that. She saved me. Such a cliché thing to say, but it's true.

In 2019 my grandpa passed away and I went through the most traumatic breakup I've ever dealt with in my life. Then in 2020, my dad passed away and I went through another soul crushing breakup. Also dealt with a lot of SA and loss of a lot of "friendships", none of which were my fault, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. If anything, it hurts more because I did all I could for these people and still got hurt. All I knew was loss for the longest time. Then in October of 2022, my whole world was flipped right side up. Even though her father & I are not together anymore, I'll always be thankful for him for at least giving her to me. That's about the only good thing he did for me. As shitty as that sounds.

She is the most beautiful little soul too! Never cries, unless she's hurt or is fighting sleep in her crib. Sleeps through the whole night. Is always smiling and laughing. LOVES Miss Rachel, rightfully so. Is so sweet with our family pets. And is my shadow, which I love. I'll be washing dishes or just be doing my own thing...then all of the sudden I feel her tap my leg or hug my leg to get my attention. I'll pick her up, she'll hug me and then wants back down and just goes back to playing with her toys. It's like she knows when I'm in my head and wants to remind me that she's there and loves me. And I've never known unconditional love until her...so the fullness I feel from her is insane.

I've spent majority of my life thinking the only way people would like me was if I was doing something for them. Whether it was favors, financial help, a place to stay, sexual favors, etc...my worth was based on OTHER PEOPLE for so long. I lost myself. And now I'm so full of love that sometimes I don't know what to do with it. For the first time in my life, I'm okay with being completely single. Not talking to anyone, seeing anyone, sleeping with anyone. The thought of being romantic with a man makes me physically sick, which I'm sure I can thank trauma for that one as well. But I also just don't want anything or anyone taking my time away from her or from better our life together. We just moved into a new home and are finally all settled, I've paid off my debts and have actually been able to catch up on all my bills, I have a fridge full of food and there isn't a single thing that she needs that I don't have or am able to provide for her on my own. Which is an amazing feeling.

I struggled for so long...it's nice to be able to take a deep breath and realize just how truly blessed I am. And all because of you, my sweet Lydia. Thank you for healing me without even knowing it. I love you so much my sweet girl. <3

[demolition-lovers-blog]

Hey guys, I need your opinion:

I found this in my drafts and don't know if I should trash it or continue with it. I've finally decided to start writing again since I stepped away over a year ago after losing my mom. So let me know, I'm trying to clean out my drafts.

I will also be posting a new fic in the next two weeks, that I have been working on.

Someone has

to pay.

You felt anxious coming home after being away for almost two years. You couldn’t help but wonder if your old group of friends still hung out together. You no longer had anyone's number so you couldn't even reach out to anyone and let them know you were back in town.

They probably hated you. You had just completely vanished One minute everything was normal the next your entire world was pulled out from under you. You hadn’t spoken to anyone since that day. You shutter when you remember the day your life as you knew it was over. You had always thought your father was the most wonderful man in the world, and he was to you. What you had failed to see when looking at him through your rose colored glasses was that he was the head of a major crime organization.

One day your father came home and told you to pack whatever you could fit in your backpack. He gave you five minutes to meet him outside. You were so stunned you did as he asked and went out to the car and got in the back with him. Only then did he tell you what he really was and that he had gunned down the boss of a rival gang, and they would be coming not just for him but for you. “Why me? I have nothing to do with this! I didn’t even know what you were involved in till today?” He shook his head “that’s the way this business works sweetheart, they will kill me and take you as a payment of sort.”

Y/n turned away from her dad after that for the rest of the ride. They went to different islands for a period of time. Leaving when her father thought someone might have found out where you were. It all came to a devastating halt when the truly only person you had left in your life, your father died in a car accident a week ago.

You had no choice now, but to go home, it was the only home you ever knew and you figured with your father's passing everything would be settled. You thought it would have made the two gangs even and you could return home and try to find some semblance of a normal life, you prayed they had forgotten all about you. Anyway as you saw it they were even right??

If you had known how wrong you were, the mafia didn’t forget and certainly didn’t forgive. Being even isn’t enough they have to come out on top. Everyone must pay one way or another. You had no idea that they knew the second you arrived back in town.

Harry sat behind his desk going over the legal and illegal sides of the businesses he owned. He had taken over when his father was brutally killed by a rival boss. He never forgot an swore his revenge. There was a loud knock on his office door. “Come in.” Jake one of his most trusted men came into the office. “ Harry, she’s back Y/no’s back.” Jake proclaimed.

Harry had dismissed Jake after thanking him for coming to him right away. What was he going to do? What would he do with y/n? A part of him felt bad you were innocent in all of this like he had been when everything went down, but there was a debt to pay and with your father dead you were the one left to pay it, anyway Harry saw fit. He smiled knowing you had no idea what lay ahead for you, he might just be able to have some fun too. He had looked at the pictures Jake had handed him as proof of your return, you were a very pretty girl, and why shouldn’t he get something out of this for all his trouble?

[teenmomcentral]

Catelynn Lowell‘s family feud rages on!

Just a week or so after Catelynn blasted her mom April, teen brother Nick and grandma Judi on social media, Nick released a new video directly addressing his sister— and revealing why he dislikes Cate’s husband, Tyler Baltierra.

Nick’s new video— which was posted to his YouTube channel on Wednesday— also defends April, and doubles down on the accusations he made last week about Ty and Cate taking their kids’ money, and about Tyler’s sexuality. 

“Last week my family— and all of our problems— went viral on social media after my sister leaked screenshots out of context, that [were] posted to her Instagram with nearly 5 million followers,” Nick begins his video.

He states that he said some things about his sister’s finances and about Catelynn’s husband Tyler Baltierra that he regrets. (Nick basically stated that Cate and Ty took money from their kids’ bank accounts to pay off their nearly $1 million tax debt. He also stated that Tyler has a boyfriend in Arizona.) 

While Nick said he regrets making those statements, he insists he was telling the truth.

“While I maintain that the things that I said were true, it wasn’t my place to talk about, so I wanted to start off this video by apologizing to my sister,” Nick said. 

Here’s a breakdown of some of the other topics Nick discussed in his video.

On why he doesn’t like Tyler & the person he says Catelynn’s become because of Tyler:

“I love my sister. I just don’t like who she’s become over the years, and I don’t blame her,” he said. “I want to make that very clear. The problem isn’t my sister, it’s the person she’s married to.”

“I used to love Tyler, but I feel like Tyler doesn’t like us and he’s never really tried to hide that. Recently, my feelings toward Tyler have changed. I don’t like Tyler because of the way he treats my sister.”

Nick then placed a few quick clips of Tyler insulting Catelynn’s weight (including the infamous “I don’t want no heifer for a wife” scene.) 

“I can’t and won’t respect a man who tells my sister that he’ll love her no matter what, then proceeds to call her a heifer; a person who says he doesn’t care how she feels, a person who would constantly drag her down about her weight, and make her cry herself to sleep,” Nick said. 

“She couldn’t even slice a pizza without Tyler telling her he’s afraid of how big she’ll get,” Nick said, adding that Tyler has allegedly made comments about how people with weight problems “disgust him.” 

“If he can say these things in front of MTV cameras, what does he say behind closed doors?”

“The truth is, I miss my sister. Well, the person that she used to be,” Nick added.

On fans’ claims that Nick & April use Catelynn for her money: 

Cate has banked literally millions in ‘Teen Mom’ cash over the years, but Nick insisted that, despite what people say, their family feud has nothing to do with money. 

“My mother and I have made our own money off of MTV and ‘Teen Mom’ and we have never, and will never, need her money,” Nick said. 

On Catelynn’s relationship with April:

Nick stated that the majority of the family’s issues are between Catelynn and April. (As The Ashley previously reported, Catelynn was angry last week that April drank while she was with Cate and Ty on their recent visit with their biological daughter, Carly. April’s drinking has caused a lot of problems between her and Cate over the years.) 

“I don’t like our mom being vilified when she had one beer when everyone else around her was drinking, which you know is a trigger for her,” Nick said. “Mom loves you, and your children. She even babysits them whenever you want her to. All she asks in return is for you to not vilify her on TV or social media. 

“She has done everything that she can to repair the relationship she once had with you that was ruined because of TV.”

“I love my mom and I’m so proud of all the progress she’s made over the years,” Nick said. “Was she a perfect mom? No. Does she have a lot of regrets when it comes to her children? Of course.”

Nick went on to say that, because she’s been on ‘Teen Mom’ for so long, it’s easy for fans to “villify” April without really knowing her.

“My mother used to struggle with mental health and depression. She has since pulled herself away from that,” he said. “So whenever I see someone trying to bully her, I take offense to that. My mom is literally my best friend, and I’ll go toe-to-toe with anybody for her, because she’s not the person that social media thinks she is. I wish you guys knew that.”

On Catelynn & Tyler’s claims that he stole from them:

At this point in the video, things get a bit weird.

Nick addresses Catelynn’s claim that Nick stole from her and Tyler. He states that he has never stolen from them, and that the item that was allegedly stolen from the Baltierra home was some sort of microphone.

Nick goes on to claim that he’s “95 percent innocent” of the theft crimes he’s been accused of. (Um…?) He then claims that he was “threatened by the person who stole it” at knifepoint (as you are…)

“I was told that if I ever told anybody about it, he would un-alive me,” Nick said. “He then forced me to text this guy and mess with him for about a month, which I stupidly did.”

(Um…?)

“But when they accused me, I tried to tell them what actually happened, and even went out of my way to prove my innocence,” Nick continued. 

While he doesn’t reveal who the knife-threatening thief is, he does state that he’s allegedly someone who is related to Tyler.

Nick’s story gets wild, bringing in fake cops and lie-detector tests, naturally.

“[Tyler] convinced [Catelynn] that I was lying, and even went out of his way to make me look guilty,” Nick said. “First, a friend of theirs even impersonated a cop and interrogated me over the phone. And then they went out of their way to pay for a lie-detector test that came out inconclusive.” 

(Last week, Nick showed screenshots of texts allegedly between him and Catelynn that talked about the lie-detector test.) 

“I’ve never lied to my sister and I’ve never stole from her. To have something like this hanging over us to a degree where I’m not allowed to see my own niece hurts more than anything Tyler could say about me.”

Nick claimed he only made the video because he wanted Catelynn to see it, and she has blocked him from communicating with her other ways.

Cate and Ty have yet to publicly respond to Nick’s new video.

[hiraya-rawr]

So I ask mom and mama (Grandma) who are they going to vote and they Marcos.

What are you thoughts on that I don't know anything about him so.. 🤔

03 tw: PH Politics

There's a reason why the vast majority of students and universities are against BB M4rcos :')) In fact, there's really a lot so I'll try to sum it up.

Aside from the post below, I highly encourage you to do research at reliable sources! (Like reports from the united nations, international news stations, etc.) Avoid opinion articles without references!

I know politics is really stressful and heavy, but let's carefully (and slowly) expose ourselves for the sake of awareness and our future!

(last part has my personal note to you!)

(From my logical side) His platform and political activity is underwhelming. He lacks a stand for environment, women, and territorial disputes. He also doesn't have a built campaign for education and agriculture (remember, our farmers and fishermen are vital for stable communities!).

(From my petty side as a human rights advocate) Imagine being the son of a dictator, with hundreds of survivors sharing their experiences and stories. More than 11,000 victims, 2,000 murders and missing people. Most of which were students and lawyers. Your own mother CONFIRMED the use of torture and military force, the international court also confirmed it, the United Nations Human Rights Council (UNHRC) also confirmed it — yet as you stand on stage to spread your campaign, you denied ever single one of their experience.

My own uncle was imprisoned as a student actually. They called him a terrorist and his acquaintances were beaten.

Whereas, the richer side of my family profited (shamefully). We were part of the "rich growing richer" and "the poor growing poorer". This is also why a part of my family supports him. It's called crony capitalism (his father's rule is a textbook example of it too!)

Things his diehard supporters need to know:

1. Why are you so adamant to defend someone who won't even show up on debates for you? All of the other candidates show up to defend and present themselves, spread their agenda, interact, etc.

2. Compared to his infamous dictator father, isn't he underwhelming? His ambition, as stated in a live interview, was that he went into politics for money. Isn't that clear enough?

3. He doesn't have a degree. He lied about his Oxford diploma to the point that Oxford released a formal statement denying him. Don't you dare tell me a "degree isn't everything" when so many people work hard to get a great education in this country. He is a candidate for presidency, why not have one with a degree.

4. Martial law was never the golden age. Check every international textbook, every peso-to-dollar exchange rate, we were dropping rapidly.

5. "A lot of infrastructure were built during his father's time!" Those were debt-driven reforms, meaning buildings were built through debts left unpaid. We still continue to pay them UNTIL NOW. There are court hearings demanding the money back but, well, justice systems are unfair.

6. The "achievements" of the father are not the achievements of the son. He needs to build himself, not use his last name.

7. Again with him supporting people that have a negative presence for women's rights, environment, and LGBTQ.

8. The world is watching. I have friends abroad asking "is your country really voting for a dictator's son?" and it's humiliating that theyre more aware than us :(

There's so much more I have to say and clarify but please do take the time to research. Especially if you're entering the voting age! I started delving into politics at grade 9 and I understand how heavy it can be, especially when we're dealing with stubborn family members, but for the sake of educating the people around us, let's do our best!

note: I don't want to be THAT person encouraging family fights, but please do try convincing your family :')) there's only a few days left and it's crazy how people choose so carelessly. Let them consider other candidates, like Leni or Ka Leody, Kiko, or senators in the pink party list.

I'm lucky that most of my family is Leni-Kiko, but I can no longer deal with the ignorance of my BBM family side, especially if it negatively impacts the future of others :( they don't even have actual reasons, they don't know a thing about his campaign etc, they love him for his father and it really gives me cult-mindset vibes. It's very closed minded and harmful for us, especially for the less privileged 😖

Politics stresses me and I wish I never have to campaign for something as basic as compassion hcjshdjdjhed

[hanniiesuckle17]

Lover, Lover, Set Me Free...

A/n: I hope you like this! It’s been a while since I’ve written something like this! (not fully edited only partially edited) also i totally did not pull an all nighter to finish this hahaha.......

Requested by: @hannie-squirrel00​ (thank you for requesting lovely! Sry it took a while! I wanted to do it right! <3)

Warnings: cussing, slightly 18+ themes, POV switching

Word Count: 13k

Summary: Jisung is one of the biggest players on campus. When Hyunjin bets him that he can’t get into the coldest girl on campus’s pants, Y/n gets unknowingly thrown into the ordeal. While doing his best, Jisung unconsciously starts to fall for this girl who means more to him that he is willing to admit to anyone- even himself. 

Genre: Romance, angst, fluff, college!au, fuckboy!jisung, badboy!jisung, non-idol au

❁

When did university become a popularity contest? Wasn’t the whole point to come and learn? Instead, I’m fighting tooth and nail to get a spot in the costuming program with bitches who don’t even know how to sew on a damn zipper. My hard work is being looked over while girls making googly eyes at my professor get top priority in class.

“Y/n, if you aren’t careful you’re gonna sew your finger to your garment again.” My best friend, Felix, said next to me. I shook myself out of my trance and sighed, turning off my sewing machine and running a hand through my hair. 

“Sorry, my head is just somewhere else.” 

Felix scoffed next to me as he focused on hemming a lavender-colored slip. “I’d be spacy too if I hadn’t gotten laid in a year.” He nudged my shoulder making me laugh.

“I’m sorry that I don’t need to have an active sex drive to get work done. Besides, guys are a waste of time.”

“I strongly disagree with that last statement.”

Felix smirked and pulled his garment off the machine. Despite many girls pining after him, it was quite obvious Felix was into guys. Well...obvious to everyone except the girls who kept buying him vodka martinis when we went out to drink.

“Seungmin and I were gonna go out for drinks. You wanna come?” My best friend said packing up his stuff. I looked back at the dress I was sewing, then Felix. He was pulling his best puppy dog eyes on me. 

“I will go tonight if you help me put boning in two corsets tomorrow.”

Felix grimaced. But I knew he would rather have a drinking buddy than have Seungmin leave him at the bar shitfaced. “Fine. But the first drink is on you.” I smiled and packed up my stuff, taking the garment with me. I could work on it back in my dorm tomorrow.

Felix happily dragged me out of the theatre department building and to the most popular campus bar on a Friday night. Seungmin was already seated at the bar nursing a beer when we arrived. Several people greeted Felix as we pushed through the crowded pub. “If it isn’t the famous Arctic Bitch!” I scowled hearing the name. Apparently, I had given myself quite a reputation without even trying.

Seungmin didn’t mean any harm by saying it. He just liked to poke fun at me. I bought Felix his first drink and the three of us shouted at each other over the loud music and voices in the bar. “Why is it so crowded tonight?” I shouted, frowning as someone elbowed me. 

“Apparently, 3RACHA decided to show up a couple hours ago.”

“WHAT? I call dibs on Changbin!” Felix shouted, his eyes going wide. I rolled my eyes and stole a sip from Seungmin’s beer. I could honestly care less about those three bullheaded bone-driven music majors. I didn’t really see the appeal. So, instead, I steered the conversation away so I could in fact enjoy my night. 

❁

Third POV

Han Jisung smirked as he watched the girl whose name he honestly couldn’t remember walk away back to her friends. He looked down at the number she had written on his wrist. He was in the middle of deciding whether or not he actually wanted to call her when a voice called to him.

“Han stop flirting with random girls and come actually spend time with your friends!” 

Chan motioned him over back to the booth that his three friends sat in. Hyunjin scoffed and took another drink from his gin and tonic.

“Do you really have to do that?” Changbin asked, downing the rest of his drink.

“What?”

“Bone everything that moves.”

“Please. Han is not as good as he thinks he is.” Hyunjin said, slapping Jisung on the shoulder. Jisung glared at his friend. He and Hyunjin bickered, but Hyunjin didn’t usually bring out the big punches like that.

“Oh yeah? I can get any girl in this bar to sleep with me.”

“You really wanna do this?”

“Yes. Give me your best shot.”

Chan sighed, his hands covering his face. “Guys, don’t do this. I like this bar. Don’t kill the bar. I wanna come back here.” Changbin chuckled, enjoying the situation as he nursed his second cocktail. Jisung watched with a smirk as Hyunjin looked over all the girls in the bar. His grin stayed strong when Hyunjin turned back to him with a smile.

“You, sir, are in luck. Guess who I spotted at the bar?” Hyunjin quipped.

“Your mom.” Han held his hand up to Changbin for a high five, and the boy reluctantly complied.

“I challenge you to get Seoul University’s Arctic Bitch to sleep with you,” Hyunjin said pointing to the bar. Jisung followed Hyunijn’s direction and looked across the bar. His eyes fell on a girl with h/c hair and a stern expression on her face as she stole a sip from her friend’s beer. She wasn’t the hottest girl he had ever seen, but her ass wasn’t half bad. 

“Challenge accepted.” Han moved to get up from the booth, but Hyunjin stopped him once more. 

“Hold up big boy. You’ve gotta give me proof too.”

“What kind of proof?”

“I don’t know. Picture, video, something like that. I’ve gotta know it’s her and not one of the random sluts you usually hook up with.”

Han thought about it for a minute. He glanced over at Chan who shook his head solemnly. Of course, Chan would be against this. “Fine. What do I get if I win?” Jisung stated, shaking Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin thought for a minute.

“If you get her to sleep with you AND get proof- I’ll give you $1500.” 

The other boys’ eyes went wide. Fifteen hundred dollars? Han started daydreaming about the new monitors he could get for his computer and the new sound system for his home studio. Plus that could go to paying off some of his student debt because God knows his parents weren’t gonna pay for this expensive college. “Oh, you got a deal!” Jisung glanced back over at the girl by the bar. This would be a piece of cake.

“If you can’t get Y/n to sleep with you...you have to go to graduation dressed in full lingerie. And heels.” 

Chan and Changbin laughed, calling attention over to the boys for a moment. He had already agreed so there was no way he could back out of this. “Deal. I can’t wait to get my 1.5k!” Jisung smirked and poured himself another shot of soju before downing it like it was water. With a salute to his friends, the brunette haired boy crossed the bar to complete his challenge. 

No way he would need three months to complete this.

❁

Y/n’s POV

We had been at the bar for only an hour and a half and Felix had already had three drinks, one of which was paid for by a very pretty- but not so observant- girl. It was kind of funny to watch him tipsily argue with Seungmin over who was the better role in our university’s musical, Chicago: Roxie or Velma.

“Fuck you, Min! Velma is a boss ass bitch in thigh highs! Whatcha gonna do about it, BRO?”

“Lix, drink some water,” I said, pushing my water towards my best friend. He pulled the drunk move and took the tiniest sip before turning back to his word assault against our other friend. Seungmin was only slightly more sober, but still argued with passion for his girl Roxie. Suddenly, there was a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey, you’re....Y/n, right? Lemme buy you a drink.”

My eyes raked over the boy in front of me. His brown hair brushed over the corner of his forehead and his eyes had a mischievous glint to them. A confident smirk played on his lips as his hand ghosted over my waist, before turning to the bar and back to me. 

“What’s your poison? Cosmopolitan, right?”

“Actually, I’ll take a Godfather.”

I stifled a laugh at the near microscopic flash of surprise on his face. He quickly regained his cocky composure and looked me up and down. “Whiskey. A girl after my own heart.” While he turned to the bartender and ordered my drink I took the opportunity to turn back to my friends and roll my eyes. But, to my surprise, Felix was standing slack-jawed behind me staring at the guy attempting to flirt with me, his argument with Seungmin forgotten.

“Sorry, who are you and why should I care you like whiskey?”

The shock was evident on his face as he turned back to me. He blinked a few times before looking around the bar in confusion. “You don’t know who I am?” He scoffed when I shook my head. The bartender handed me my drink as well as a jack and coke for the boy next to me. “This might be harder than I thought,” he muttered under his breath before taking a large sip from his drink. I was driving so this would probably be my one and only drink for the night. “I’m Han Jisung. I’m one of the rappers in 3RACHA.”

“Ah....that explains the air of entitlement.” 

He sighed and took another swig of his drink, leaning on the bar. I was starting to get frustrated; I came to have fun with my two friends, not get hit on by some cocky asshole. “Look Jinyoung-”

“Jisung.”

“Right. Whatever. I came to have fun with my friends. So, thanks for the drink. Why don’t you just call...Mina,” I said reading the name on his arm written in girly handwriting. “Cause she already seems interested in your deal. But, I’m not so.....bye!” 

Without another word, I turned around and returned to my friends, who were speechless. I couldn’t help but watch their eyes track Jisung’s form all the way back to the booth with the rest of his friends who could be heard laughing- most likely at him- from all the way across the bar.

“You just shot down the second hottest guy on campus.”

“Second hottest?”

“Yeah, have you seen his friend Chan? Boy’s got abs like a washboard.” 

I could practically see Felix’s mouth start to water. “Keep it in your pants, bud.” Seungmin laughed at my comment and threw an arm lazily around my shoulder. “Min, are you drunk already?” He just giggled and started poking my cheeks. I downed the rest of my drink and let Seungmin rest his head on my shoulder. 

“Come on, dummies. Let’s go home.” Felix followed me out of the bar as I carried Seungmin to my car. I was pretty sure I heard cheers behind me as I opened the door, when I turned I saw Felix twirling his shirt over his head and dancing with some random guy near the exit.

“FELIX!” 

He whined as I dragged him away from the guy he was dancing with. “Noooooooooooo! He was so sweet!” I laughed and strapped my best friend into the car safely. Tonight was certainly not what I had expected.

❁

A car horn blaring outside my window sent me shooting up in bed. My hair stuck up in ungodly directions. Yet another night of restless sleep. 

I rubbed my eyes and checked the time. About nine in the morning. No matter how early I went to bed I never seemed to get a good night’s rest.

Lazily I rolled out of bed and slipped on some shorts. My tired body shuffled into the dorm living room. I laughed seeing Seungmin half falling off my couch, asleep; it wasn’t uncommon for him to crash at my dorm after having a few drinks. My roommate didn’t really mind seeing as she had quite the little crush on him.

Speaking of, the sound of her door opening caught my attention. “Morning Lia,” I whispered. She started to speak but covered her mouth when she saw Seungmin passed out on the couch. “You want some tea?” I asked, setting a kettle on one of the burners. She nodded, sitting down and crossing her long legs on one of the kitchen stools.

Lia was maybe a year older than me and also a theatre major with a focus in performance. She had landed the lead in many of our university productions including our current musical, Chicago. 

“So, Seungmin was in quite the heated argument last night.” My dormmate’s eyes widened at the mention of the boy’s name. “He was quite adamant on making Lix understand that Roxie was the greatest lead in the show.” A dark tint rose to her cheeks as she glanced at the sleeping hungover boy on our couch. Lia was playing Roxie in our production this year.

“He probably just likes the character.”

I rose a brow and handed her a mug of tea, before sipping on my own. “Sure, he does. Because our techie Seungmin just adores the motivations of a starstruck murderess.” Somehow her cheeks grew even darker. 

“I have to go work in the Shop today, could you watch him while I’m gone?” She nodded with a small smile. The Shop was what we called the costume and scene shop. Basically, the backstage tech work area was the Shop. 

After finishing our tea, we parted ways and got ready for the day. I slipped on my favorite sweatpants and threw on a semi-clean crop top. Feeling a little chilly, I threw on the matching grey jacket hanging on my desk chair. After fighting with my hair for ten minutes I gave up and started packing my backpack with things I needed for the day.

I groaned looking over at the corner of my room; I’d forgotten to take four rolls of rather expensive and custom fabric to the workroom yesterday, so I had to do it today. Gathering the fabric up in my arms, I headed out.

The sidewalks were practically empty as I crossed campus on my way to the Arts part of the university. My knee pushed up a slipping fabric roll before I continued my walk, pace quickening as I saw the auditorium building up ahead. Finally, I would be able to set these down soon.

“Ahh!”

My foot caught on a crack on the sidewalk and fabric unrolled and went flying through the air. I scraped my hands against the pavement bracing my fall. Slowly I sat up and looked at my palms. They were red, some of the scrapes breaking the skin. 

“Fuck. Really?” 

With a groan, I reached for the nearest roll and checked the material. Thankfully the black silk was still intact and not ruined. Carefully I started the process of re-rolling it, wincing at the rawness on my hands.

“Need any help?” A voice spoke beside me. Before I could respond, the person knelt down and started rolling up another length of red material. I scoffed seeing who the voice belonged to. It was Jisung, from the bar last night.

“I’ve got it.”

“I just saw you hardcore face plant. I don’t think you’ve ‘got it’.” 

He laughed at my scowl and continued to help pick up the fabric I had dropped. As I began standing up, he grabbed my hand. “What the hell dude?” I said, pulling away from his grasp.

“Woah. Chill! You scraped your hand. I’m just trying to help.”

He tucked the rolls under his arm and unzipped a pocket in his backpack, bringing out bandaids and some antiseptic spray. I eyed him warily, but let him take my hand again. He glanced up at my eyes, gauging my expression before continuing to uncap the spray.

“This will sting a little.”

“Tsk. I’ve sewed through my finger, I think I can handle- AHHH OW! FUCK!”

He laughed, his eyes turning into happy crescent moons. I had to admit he had a nice smile. Then again, how many times had that smile gotten him into the pants of half the female student body?

I watched as he opened up two bandaids, gently laid them over my palm, and covered the scrapes. When they were secure, he looked back up at me with that cocky smirk. 

“Want me to kiss it better?” 

I rolled my eyes and yanked my hand away. “Anyway, Jiwon-”

“Jisung.”

His brows furrowed in frustration but he quickly plastered on a more than fake smile. It was honestly kind of fun messing with him; he was so used to being treated like some kind of sex god it seemed he had forgotten what it was like to be a normal human being like the rest of us. “Thanks for the help. I’m gonna go now.”

“Hey! Wait! That’s not how you thank someone.” Jisung said, grabbing back the two rolls of fabric in his arms as I tried to take them. 

“Oh? And how do you propose I thank you?”

He smirked and looked me up and down. His hand ran through his brown locks as his tongue ghosted over his lips. “Well, I mean...” He shrugged as if the thought was just occurring to him. “I can think of a few ways you could return the favor.”

“Your genitals don’t come with a built-in bulletproof shield, so you better watch yourself, fuckboy.”

Jisung visibly gulped and slowly shifted the fabric rolls in front of his waist. I almost smirked seeing the brief look of fear for his manhood; he shivered under my stare and then regained his composure. “Man, they don’t call you the Arctic Bitch for nothing.”

My face fell and I ran a hand through my hair. “Look, I’ve got work to do, corsets to make, and I have to figure out how to sew rhinestones onto a lavalier.” Jisung seemed to take notice of my change in demeanor. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Well, you’d be pretty offended if I called you a man whore. Same shit.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He scuffed his shoe on the sidewalk and played with the edge of one of the rolls. Just because I would rather get through my insane credit hours than suck up to some bitch who’d probably drop out in a year doesn’t mean I deserve to have this hurtful nickname. 

“Where are you going? I’ll help you carry these.” Jisung interjected, breaking the very awkward silence. I shook my head and once again tried to take back my fabric. 

“I’m fine. You can go back to class or whatever.”

“I was actually headed to the studio to record with Changbin, but I’ve got time.”

I sighed. This man was persistent and not in a good way. There was no way I was going to get rid of him. “Fine. But if you fuck up that fabric I’m making you pay for it.” He smiled and tucked the fabric under his arm, following me to the back of the auditorium building. 

I watched Jisung take in everything in the hallway and on the walls as we made our way to the costume shop. “What? Have you never seen the backstage of a theater before?”

“Nah. I’ve only done small venues. Nothing with a stage like this.” 

I had almost forgotten Jisung was a rapper. As we came upon the workroom door, I adjusted the fabric in my hand and then pushed the door open with my foot. Jisung followed after I motioned for him to enter the room.

“Y/n! Do we really have to bone corsets? Like can’t we just cheat and put in a plastic lining?” Felix called out not looking up from his workstation. He sounded hungover. “Lia is tiny. Why does she need a fucking corset anyway--heyyyy there’s Jisung......Y/n why is he here?”

I dumped the fabric on a work table and Jisung did the same. “I picked up a stray. Thought you might like a pet.” Jisung rolled his eyes when I pointed behind me. When I turned around, Jisung still stood with his hands in his pockets. “You can go now.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Yeah, what if he doesn’t want to, Y/n?” Felix said in a teasing tone. A quick but deadly glare sent his way quickly shut him up and caused him to turn around back to his workstation. Jisung sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Look. I’m meeting a couple friends at the bar tonight. Why don’t you come by?”

“Hard pass.”

“What if I want to go?” Felix chimed in.

“Yeah, what if he wants to go!” Jisung said with a smirk.

“Felix, shut up for like two seconds.”

Felix scoffed and returned to putting boning in a red lingerie corset. “We both know that’s not gonna happen.” He muttered under his breath. I heard Jisung let out a laugh at the little exchange.

“Whether I go to the bar or not tonight has nothing to do with you. It is probably reliant on the fact that I have no control over my best friend.” Felix chuckled behind me. Jisung shrugged and looked around the room before backing away.

“Okay.”

“Hey, Jisung! Put in a good word for me with Changbin?” Felix called out, leaning over his chair. Jisung let out a lighthearted laugh as he opened the door. Felix had a hopeful look on his face that made me want to vomit.

“Sure, why not.”

Then we were left in silence. I quickly began working, but I felt Felix’s stare on my profile. I knew he couldn’t stay silent for long. Felix couldn’t go four minutes and eighteen seconds without immediately spewing out his opinion. Seungmin and I had timed it once; exactly four minutes later, he erupted.

“ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH JISUNG?”

“Did you see me go home with him last night?”

“No....you went home with Seungmin--OH MY GOD ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH SEUNGMIN?!”

“What? No! Ew!” I said tossing an empty pin cushion at him. “Never in a million years.” Felix let out a hefty sigh of relief. My fingers quickly worked through sewing up a finished section of a corset. 

Another silence followed as Felix turned back to our work. It was so obvious his thoughts were festering, just waiting to once again pop out. “So... how did Mr. Balls-for-Brains wind up helping you carry costume fabric?” 

I shrugged, putting in another piece of spiral steel and lining it up in a corset panel. “He helped me when I tripped. Apparently, the music department recording studios are near here.” 

“Uh....no they're not. The studios are on the other side of the Arts campus.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m pretty sure he was just hanging around the theatre buildings until he saw you.” Felix laughed as I shuddered. I took a quick breath as the needle pricked my finger. This conversation was seriously distracting me. “So....we are going out tonight though. Right?” 

“I’m not going out dressed like this.”

“Just grab something from the racks. Mr. Jung won’t mind.”

“If we are going out, I’m drinking.”

“No argument from me. Then we get fun Y/n.” I threw another pin cushion at him, hearing a high pitched yelp beside me. The two of us worked for the next 6 hours until the sun started to set outside the Shop window. I let Felix dress me up from stuff on the racks and we called Lia and Seungmin to meet us at the bar.

When we arrived, it was certainly less packed than the night before. I pulled at the tight skirt Felix had put me in, wishing it to cover more of my thighs than its length allowed. Seungmin whistled as I sat down next to him at the bar. He turned my barstool to face him and Lia, who smiled and clapped at my appearance. 

“Is this global warming because the Arctic is hot tonight!”

I slapped his shoulder and turned back to the bartender to order my drink. “I would recognize this anywhere. This is the work of the Great Felix Stylist extraordinaire.” Lia exclaimed, letting Felix take a bow. The bartender slid over my drink and I rested my feet against the bar stool. They were sore from the heels Felix had put me in; only once every so often would I let him play dress up on me.

The night rolled on and I even danced with Lia after a couple more drinks. We came back off the dance floor to see Jisung talking with Felix and Seungmin, his arm leaning against the bar. “Jackass alert,” I whispered to Lia as we approached. 

Jisung’s eyes widened when he saw our approach. He seemed to drink in my entire body, not letting any part of me go unseen. “Hey, gorgeous.” He said with a smirk, his eyes dragging over me once again as he sipped his drink. “Can I talk to you?” 

“Sure, I said standing next to Felix and stealing a sip from his gin martini. I was really thirsty after dancing so much with Lia. He glanced from me back to my friends who were watching us expectantly. 

“I meant alone.” 

With a nod, the rest of my friends started moving towards an open booth. I stopped Felix, a hand on his martini glass. “Leave it. I’m going to need more alcohol for this.” With a sigh and longing look at his drink, he left it in my hands.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not nearly enough.” I plainly stated before drinking some more of Felix’s martini. My face soured. I forgot he liked gin. Jisung laughed as I put the drink on the bartop. 

“Look. I think you and I should go out.”

“And I think you should jump off a cliff. Preferably one the size of your ego.”

“Ouch.” He said with an unaffected smile.  His eyes darted to a girl walking by us, but he quickly diverted his attention back to me. I tried not visibly throw up in my mouth at the action. “Let’s hang out this week.”

“Sorry; not into late-night booty calls since...well...ever.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his brown hair, a habit of his I had picked up on. I couldn’t decide if it was out of frustration or nerves. “Come on. I’m not that bad.” 

“Your reputation says otherwise.” 

“I could say the same about you.”

He smirked when I fell silent. My fingers played with the rim of the martini glass. I hated that he totally won that argument. 

“I’ll make you a deal,” His words made me look up and quirk an eyebrow. “For the next two months, you get dinner with me twice a week and we text once a day.” 

“I’m not going on a dinner date with you. I have zero time. I have to bring home my costume work as it is.”

“I never said it was a date. I just want to get to know you, Y/n.” Jisung chuckled and adjusted the clasp of my necklace, making me freeze. “We don’t have to go out to eat. I’m sure it’s hard to focus on work with a theatre major as a roommate. You can come over and I’ll order take out.” I had to admit that the offer sounded tempting. I loved Lia but she could be loud as fuck when prepping for a show. 

“Still low key sounds like a date.” 

“I swear I will not touch you unless you ask me to.” He winked and I rolled my eyes. “And you will ask me to. Eventually.” A heavy and anger filled sigh left my lips and Jisung leaned away. I honestly hadn’t noticed he had gotten closer.

“Lia is going to think something is up. Felix is for sure going to think I’m sleeping with you. And Seungmin...”

“You aren’t dating Seungmin are you?” 

He smiled when I shook my head no. “Anyway, there is no way I’m telling my friends I am hanging out with you.” He shrugged and sipped more on his drink. I was starting to feel a little bit of the alcohol’s effect. 

“I’m chill with that. So, you bring over your costume...stuff...on Monday and we can order in and get to know each other.” I shrugged and gave him a small nod. Jisung smiled in victory. 

“You do know I’m not going to let you walk away from this conversation looking that happy.”

“And how do you propose you fix that?” 

“I was thinking either a slap or a drink.” Jisung laughed and downed the rest of his drink, I assumed Jack and Coke, like the night before. He motioned with his fingers and tapped his chest. 

“Give me your best shot, gorgeous.” His willingness made me laugh, genuinely. “Although, I would prefer not to have a huge red mark on my cheek.” 

I nodded sarcastically. “Oh. Of course. We can’t damage the precious merchandise.” He groaned when I pinched his cheek. To be honest, I could not believe I was having a nice casual conversation with Han Jisung, 3RACHA’s legendary fuckboy.

“Well then, I’ll see you on Monday. I’ll be at the Shop.”

“I’ll see you then, gorgeous.” 

I rolled my eyes and picked up Felix’s martini. “ASSHOLE!” I yelled before tossing the drink in Jisung’s face. “Wow, that was really fun,” I whispered with a smile before walking away to my friends. 

“Y/N THAT WAS MY DRINK!! NO! MY ALCOHOL!” Felix said, fake crying.

❁

Jisung’s POV

The gin stung my eyes and Y/n was kind of blurry as she walked away, but I could hear the smile in her voice. This was ironically the first time I had let a girl toss a drink in my face. AND FUCK I WOULD NEVER LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. 

I wiped my face and stumbled away from the bar, trying not to get even more liquor in my eye as I followed the laughter of my supposed ‘friends’ in our usual booth. 

“And the King has struck out yet again,” Changbin said as I sat down. Chan laughed but handed me a napkin to wipe my stinging face. A couple strands of my hair fell wet in front of my eyes. “What is this? The third time you been denied by Y/n?” Bin laughed and drank from his (probably) fifth beer of the night. 

“Han, I hate to say it. But I am so looking forward to seeing you in lingerie accepting your diploma.”

“I wouldn’t get ahead of yourself, Hyunjin.” All eyes turned to me as I blinked wildly. My vision was just starting to come back. I looked over to Y/n and her friends. Felix was chiding her about destroying his drink and Lia was high fiving her for throwing it. 

“...But she threw a martini in your face. I think that qualifies failure in every book I’ve ever read.” Hyunjin scoffed. Little did he know I had Y/n exactly where I wanted her. Soon she would be eating out of my hands. She would be begging for me to sleep with her before she even knew it herself.

❁

Y/n’s POV

Three weeks had passed and I had been drowning in work. Though I hated to admit it...Jisung was the only thing keeping me sane. He had been a really good friend to me for the past few weeks. Lia was the only one who knew about my little dinner rendezvouses with Jisung. And I was correct in the fact that I had been subject to her relentless teasing. 

“Are you sure you guys aren’t dating?”

“We are not dating. We are just getting dinner twice a week, getting to know each other, not seeing other people casually, and maybe some.....flirting-- AND OH MY GOD HE TRICKED ME. WE’RE DATING.”

Lia laughed at my realization. I threw down the dress I was working on for Lia’s finale scene. The sound of beads hitting the floor rung throughout the dorm. “What are you gonna do about it?” Lia questioned, adjusting herself on the couch.

“I’m going to go over there and question the shit out of his ass.”

“Hell yeah! Text me!” She cheered as I grabbed my keys and ran out the door. 

I slammed my car door and stomped up the stairs of Jisung’s apartment building. A million angry thoughts ran through my mind as I stormed down the hall to his apartment. Without another thought, I burst through the front door, which was oddly...unlocked. 

“HAN MOTHER FUCKING JISUNG! YOU TRICKED ME INTO DATING YOU AND I-”

I froze taking in the scene in front of me. Jisung stood wide-eyed shirtless and holding a bottle of water, sweat dripping off his forehead. Another boy, who I recognized as Chan from 3RACHA, dressed in a tank top and sweats was seated on the couch, his face full of surprise at my entrance.

“Oh- uh.....sorry...I’ll just come back when you have...clothes.”

“No, it’s fine! I was just leaving anyway. Thanks for going to the gym with me Han.” Chan grabbed his jacket and exited in the most polite power walk he could manage. Though not without giving Jisung a thumbs up and then shutting the door.

“So how long did you think you were gonna get away with this?” He smirked and opened the water bottle. I was struggling to look anywhere but his tan chest. He obviously noticed. “Oh my god. Would you please put a shirt on!” He chuckled and came closer to me.

“What? Do I make you nervous?” He looked me up and down with dark eyes. My heart pounded in my chest. “Look, I know you’re mad. But, you can’t tell me that you didn’t have fun hanging out with me. Can you?”

“No,”

“And you can’t say that you aren’t at least the tiniest bit attracted to me. Right?”

“I’m not...not attracted to you...”

Jisung smirked and slid his hand around my waist, pulling me so our chests brushed against each other. “That’s not a straight answer.” He smiled at my lack of response. Jisung was clearly enjoying this.

“Well- you’re...not a... straight answer.”

Jisung laughed and let go of me. “But, seriously Y/n. I don’t know about you, but I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you these past few weeks and I really like you.” He took my hand in his and laughed, making his eyes turn into crescents. “So, why don’t we make it official? Y/n, let’s date.”

I blinked a few times before turning away from him. This was not normal. My hands came up to my temple, a sharp pain suddenly emitting from there. “You can’t be serious,” I said, turning back to Jisung. “There’s no way you like me. You like girls for one night stands. I’m not like that. So there is no-”

Jisung’s lips crashed against mine, his hands gripping my wrists gently. He’s kissing me. What do I do? As if reading my thoughts he pulled away just enough to look into my eyes and smile. “Y/n, don’t overthink it. Just let go for once. You’re with me.”

His hand slid down to my waist and his fingers tangled in my belt loops, pulling me closer. My brain was in overdrive. I hadn’t been kissed in so long. Maybe what I said to Felix wasn’t totally the truth. Maybe I had just been depressing my long starved sex drive. Jisung was really nice and I really liked him. What would be the harm in letting myself have fun with someone I actually like for once?

“Okay...so maybe I like you a little bit.” Jisung smiled and brushed away a piece of hair near my face, grazing my cheek. My hands slowly came up to rest on his chest, his warm skin radiating off heat. 

“So are we on the same page? You’re mine now?”

“Fine. I guess so,” I said with a laugh. Jisung smiled and kissed me again. His fingers dug into my hips and he tilted his head to deepen the kiss. 

Kissing Jisung made my head spin in the best way possible. Needing air for more than one reason, I pushed against his chest. “Hey, why don’t you go shower. I’m sure you need one after working out with Chan.” He smirked, his hands slowly moving lower than my waist. “No, I’m not showering with you.”

“Damn. Worth a shot. You wanna stay? I’ll order pizza.”

“Sounds good to me.” After kissing my cheek, Jisung turned and made his way to his bathroom. When the door closed I leaned against the couch for support. Keep it cool, Y/n. I have to remember to keep my guard up. Jisung can’t possibly just change overnight. While I want to trust him...something is holding me back. 

Hopefully, I’m just paranoid.

❁

I rolled over in bed, not wanting to wake up. My hand brushed up against something cold. Opening my eyes, I saw my phone under my hand. The screen was still lit up and displayed a caller ID and call time of almost five hours. I smiled seeing Jisung’s name scrolling across the top. Did we really fall asleep on the phone? 

Picking up the phone, I heard the sounds of his small breaths and soft snores. “Jisung,” Another soft snore made me smile. We had only been dating officially about a week, but I was really enjoying my time with him. “Jisung?” 

“Mmph...I’m up...what’s happening?” He mumbled into the phone. Jisung must have fallen asleep on top of the phone. I laughed and sat up in bed, running a hand through my messy hair.

“I think we fell asleep on the phone, Ji.” His laugh could be heard over the phone.

“Ji?”

“What?” 

“That’s the first time you’ve called me something other than my name or an asshole.” I blushed and rolled out of bed. “Y/n L/n are you starting to like me?” Jisung asked, his voice rough from just waking up.  The gravely low tone sent a chill down my spine. 

“Well, we are dating. That’s what two people do when they like each other, dummy.” I leafed through my closet, tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder. He let out what sounded like a forced laugh. Maybe it was just my imagination. It was my brain searching for things to make me not trust him.

“You want to drop by the studio later? I should be working all day but it would be kinda cool to see you.” My ears picked up on the sound of his fingers racing across a keyboard. What could he be working on this early? 

No, Y/n. Don’t go there. I have to at least try and trust him. I can’t be nosy and wondering about everything in his life when we’ve only been going out a short time. 

“Uh, I can probably drop by around three. I have an exam today I can’t miss.”

“Okay. I’ll text you the studio number. See you later, gorgeous.” With that, he hung up the phone. I tossed the device on my bed and finished getting dressed. A ding notified me of a text. Glancing at it, I saw Jisung sent me the number of the studio number he would be working in and a heart. 

It almost set me a little on edge. I knew his personality. I even knew a few of the girls who had the unfortunate experience of falling into bed with him. It just seemed a little weird to me how doting he was with me when he was never like that with other girls. 

Maybe he really was trying to make a change? That couldn’t be impossible. Could it? People change. Most often in fairytales and movies, but it happens like 1% of the time, right? These thoughts swarmed through my head as I walked into my lecture hall. 

I sat in my usual seat, arriving about five minutes before class was set to begin. Looking up, I saw several sets of eyes staring at me; all belonging to different girls. Some had looked of pity, some disgust, but all looked slightly confused. Ignoring them, I pulled out my notes for a few more moments of study time.

“You’re the girl whose dating Han, am I right?”

I looked up to find a very pretty girl with blonde hair and big doe-like eyes. “Umm...yeah. Is there a problem or something?” She shook her head and sat down next to me with a smile. 

“Oh! No, not at all. I just had to see for myself that’s all. My name’s Momo. I’m a dance major. I have a mutual friend of Han’s, Hyunjin.”

I nodded, glancing from her to my paper. I wasn’t really used to this much attention during class. Usually, I just focused on the lecture or project and didn’t talk much. “Yeah, I know they are friends, but I don’t really know Hyunjin myself.”

She nodded and twirled a pen between her fingers. I started to wonder what her relationship was with the boys. She was obviously gorgeous and she seemed just like Jisung’s type. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had slept together before.”I’ve just heard so much about you. All those rumors are totally bogus by the way. I would love if we could be friends.”

She took my hand in hers with a bright and blindingly white perfect smile. Did she not know what personal space was? “Uh....sure. I guess that would be cool. I’m usually pretty busy with making costumes for the university’s musical.”

“Here! Take my number! We can go get coffee sometime. I’d love to hear all the juicy tea about the girl who finally got the famous Han Jisung to stop sleeping around.” Momo ripped a piece of paper from her perfectly organized agenda and wrote her number on it. The professor started speaking as she handed it to me. Holy shit it was scented! 

This day was just getting more and more confusing for me.

❁

Jisung’s POV

The studio was freezing as per usual. Even bundled up in a beanie and hoodie I was cold, pulling the sleeves further down my hands. I watched the monitor carefully and adjusted the headphones over my ears. 

“Okay, Bin! You’re good.” Chan called to the boy in the booth after I gave him a thumbs up. “So, I take it things with Y/n are...good,” Chan asked hesitantly. The topic of Y/n was a sore subject for him so I was surprised he brought it up. 

“Oooooo We talking about the Snow Queen?” Changbin said plopping down on the couch near the wall. I turned in my chair to roll my eyes at him. “I’m taking that as a sign you haven’t gotten in her pants yet?”

“She’s honestly kind of a prude....well. Not a prude. But you know what I mean.” Chan shook his head at my words.  

Changbin threw a ball of paper at my head, making me send another glare his way. “Isn’t this the longest dry spell you’ve had. How long has it been?” I sighed pulling the headphones down around my neck.

“One month, five days, twelve hours, and twenty-two minutes.”

“You know it’s gross that you keep track like that,” Chan said taking a swig from his water bottle. “Y/n seems like a nice girl. It’s kind of sick you and Hyunjin using her like this.” I shrugged, not really caring.

“I mean, I guess. But, I would rather be $1,500 richer.”

“Just remember Y/n has feelings too.”

I nodded and turned back to the monitor looking at the track we just recorded. As if on cue, the door opened and Y/n’s voice could be heard greeting the other boys. 

“Hi!- Oh! Sorry, I didn’t expect anyone else. I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”

Turning, I saw her shaking hands with Changbin and Chan. “Y/n that’s Bin, and you’ve met Chan,” I said pointing to the boys. “Now you’ve met all of 3RACHA.” I pulled her hand, dragging her closer to my chair. Chan rolled his eyes when I pulled her down and kissed her cheek. The smile on her face did not go unnoticed by the boys.

“How was your exam?” I asked, playing with her fingers.

“It was okay. I passed for sure. A girl named Momo asked to get coffee with me. Apparently, she knows your friend Hyunjin.” My eyes went wide and I stood up, pulling her to my side with a nervous laugh. 

“Well, uh... I think we’ve all done enough work today. Y/n you wanna go get some boba or something. I’m hungry what about you? Bye guys!” Quickly I pushed her out the door and waved goodbye to the boys. 

I had my fingers crossed that Hyunjin was keeping his big mouth shut.

❁

A month and a half. That’s how long I had left before I lost and was forced to be utterly humiliated in front of the entire university. Y/n and I had been dating for almost three weeks and hanging out for longer. I had to make a move tonight. 

My friend Minho had hooked me up with some tiny night vision camera that I had hidden all around my apartment. I knew Y/n was starting to trust me more, so this was the opportune time. She was coming over any minute now. I checked my reflection in the mirror and ran my hands through my hair. 

$1,500 here I come.

A knock bounced off the walls of my apartment. I checked the time. 8:30 pm. She was late by about forty-five minutes, which was not usual for her. What was it she always said? Early is on time and on time is late? Some weird theater shit like that. 

Something was up.

I rushed to the door and opened it to find Y/n standing at my doorstep. She gave me a tired smile and kissed my cheek in greeting. She looked like she felt awful. “Hi, Ji! Sorry, I’m late. Felix bailed on me so I had all this extra work to do for the musical and I have a semester project due this week-”

“Y/n what’s wrong?” She sighed and collapsed onto the couch. Sitting next to her I could see the concealer under her eyes attempting to hide the dark shadows. She never wore makeup unless she was going out. I was surprised even remembered that. “You can tell me anything, gorgeous.” She smiled when I took her hand. 

This might be better than I thought. Comfort her. Get the proof I need. Shove it in Hyunijn’s face. I could tell she was deciding whether or not to trust me. If it was something small she would tell me no problem.

But... maybe this was something bigger. 

“I’m just...really stressed.” She said, pushing her hair away from her face. I could see the wall she had slowly building itself back up. There was pain behind her eyes. She was hurting. Why did that make me sad?

“That’s not all this is.” I turned towards her fully, giving her my complete attention. She crossed her legs up on the couch and stared at her fingers. When I lifted her chin I saw tears on the brink of falling from her eyes.

“I just... feel like...- nevermind it’s stupid.” She shook her head and looked around my apartment. She tried to laugh it off but frowned when she saw my face. Y/n let out a shaky breath when I took her hands in mine, resting them in her lap. 

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Just sitting across from each other on the couch. She seemed to be working up the courage to tell me something.

“Nothing I ever do...seems to be...enough.” I looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “I work my ass off. All the time. But, it feels like I can’t do anything right lately. Not enough for my mom. Not enough for my teachers. Certainly not enough for Tech Recruiters. I just feel like I’m falling short on everything I do. And I’m tired. I just want to be enough for someone. But, who am I kidding? Nobody likes me. I’m Seoul University’s Arctic Bitch, right? I’m too coldhearted and selfish to get anywhere in life, let alone convince any theatre company to hire me so I can pay off my student loans. I’m just so fucking tired of feeling this way. Sorry for whining. I know you probably had other plans for tonight.” 

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and stared out the living room window. “Hey,” I said pulling her attention back to me. Surprisingly, she let me reach up and wipe a tear from her cheek. “Look at me,” Reluctantly Y/n met my eyes. “You are more than enough for me.” She looked down and smiled, wiping more tears on her sleeve.

“Really?”

“Really.” I ran my thumb over her knuckles and smiled at her. It took a lot for her to open up to me like that. “You have just been bottling this up haven’t you?” She nodded and wiped another tear, before looking back up at me. Her eyes were still beautiful even when she was crying. “I do that too. It’s a habit we should both fix. Could you talk to Lia? Or Felix?”

She shook her head and started playing with my fingers. I started to like the feeling of her smaller hands in mine. “Lia has her own stuff to worry about. Her dad keeps pressuring her to join an entertainment company. And Felix...well Felix means well, but...” I was relieved to see her smile again. Her laugh was contagious. 

“Yeah, I get it. Kind of like Changbin and Chan. They mean well, but they don’t understand sometimes.”

She nodded and played with one of the rings on my right hand. “Thank you for listening. It really means a lot that I can trust you like this.”

“You trust me?”

“I never thought I would say that but... I would never have told Felix that and he is my best friend.”She reached up a cupped my cheek. Her hands were warm and inviting. I stared into her eyes no longer seeing hurt behind her E/c orbs. 

“You’re beautiful. You know that?” I said without thinking. My eyes widened and I pulled away from her touch. I had never said anything like that. Usually, everything I said to Y/n had a purpose or plan behind it. But, I just spoke without thinking. 

Y/n smiled, her eyes turning even brighter. She leaned forward and kissed me. Something about this kiss felt different than the times I had kissed her before. My heart started to race and goosebumps crawled over my skin. I smiled when her hands pulled me closer to her, tangling her fingers through my hair.

A sigh escaped my chest when her teeth grazed over my lip. She pulled away only for a second to catch her breath before coming back to me. I pulled away when she threw her leg over my lap and straddled me. “What are you doing?” I asked as she kissed from my lips down to my jaw. It was exciting not to be in control for once. 

“Showing you how much you mean to me,” She whispered before kissing my lips again. Instinctively, my hands gripped her waist wanting for no space left between my body and hers. I felt close to Y/n in a different way. I feel like I had been in this exact position with other girls, but with her it was different. Something about kissing her like this felt intimate. Like it was just for us to share. 

Fuck. The cameras. They were still recording all over the apartment.

“Uh- Y/n...” I said pulling away from her, my hands planted firmly on her hips. “Are you sure you want to do this, gorgeous?” My eyes widened as she nodded and continued to drag her lips across mine. “Because we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Please tell me to stop. If you don’t I don’t know what I’ll do with myself. 

“Ji, I want this. Do you?”

“You have no idea.”

“Good. Do you trust me?” Y/n asked with a mischievous smile. I nodded watching her eyes twinkle in the low light of my apartment. She dragged her fingers down my chest and pulled at the hem of my shirt. As soon as the fabric was over my head and flung somewhere in the living room she smashed her lips onto mine. 

My thoughts were running a mile a minute. How was I supposed to turn off all the cameras without her knowing? After seeing her in pain, I couldn’t hurt her like that. An idea popped in my head. Wrapping my arms around her waist I pulled her up and carried her, pushing her back against the nearest wall. 

Her legs tightened around my waist, holding herself up. She looked down at me with hooded eyes before kissing me again. With one hand I kept her steady while the other searched the bookshelf next to me for the camera I put in the living room. Feeling the metal and plastic, I quickly turned it around blocking its view. 

There should just be two more in my bedroom. “Ji,” Y/n moaned into my lips. She was driving me crazy. I was already more worked up from this than I had ever been with any other girl. She giggled when I carried her through the bedroom door and pressed her up against the wall. “You know...I haven’t done this in a pretty long time...” Her words were breathy and cut off when she joined her lips back to mine.

“You could have fooled me.”

My mind was kind of in a haze. All I could think about was Y/n. I couldn’t think straight with her hands all over me. Where did I put the second camera again? Her lips trailed down to my neck sending my brain and body into overdrive. Come on, Han. Focus. 

The desk! Then the third was by my nightstand. I moved us over slowly, hoping she wouldn’t notice. I wanted to touch her so badly. But, I couldn’t betray her trust after she opened up to me like that. Joining my lips with hers, I felt blindly around the table for the small device. After I found it, I tucked it behind the monitor. 

“Are you sure, gorgeous?” I asked one more time looking into her eyes.

“Jisung, stop asking or I swear I’m gonna-”

“You’re gonna what?”

“I don’t know. Just kiss me damn it.” She smiled when I smashed my lips onto hers. Her fingers pulled at my hair as I dragged my lips down her jaw. She joined our lips as I picked her up and carried her to the bed. The bed dipped as she laid on the mattress. Before I could reach for the nightstand she pulled me over, straddling me on the bed again. 

I tried to keep my brain clear as she attacked my neck and chest with her lips. Knowing she was distracted, I grabbed the camera and threw it across the room wanting this to be done. Her head turned at the sound, but I pulled her back to my lips. 

“You drive me crazy,” I whispered, reaching down and pulling at the hem of her shirt. My lips latched onto every bare piece of skin I could find, wanting to feel every part of her. I was ready to be with her, in more ways than I had thought.

❁

Y/n’s POV

I lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling. Jisung laid beside me his arm slung across my stomach and soft snores leaving his lips. I smiled seeing him next to me. I had slept for a few hours but like usual, I had woken up in the middle of the night unable to fall back asleep. 

Shifting onto my side, I looked at Jisung. He looked peaceful in his sleep. There was always something active about him when he was awake. Like he was never still. Seeing him in a state of calm was intriguing. My hand brushed the side of his cheek. A strand of his brown hair fell over his eyes, so I gently pushed it back and softly moved my hands through his locks.

Jisung let out a little hum in his sleep, making me smile. I started to pull away my fingers but Jisung’s hand shot up to keep it there, startling me. “What’s wrong, gorgeous?” Jisung mumbled, placing my hand back in his messy hair. 

“I can’t sleep. Don’t worry about me.” I said quietly going back to playing with his soft brown tresses. He shook his head, brows furrowing in the cutest way. His fingers latched themselves onto my wrist, rubbing his thumb against my skin. 

“I’m not sleeping unless you are,” He whispered, obviously half asleep. 

“Shhh. Ji, go back to sleep.” Instead of complying he tugged me into his bare chest and started tracing soothing patterns on my lower back. In all honestly just that alone was making me just a little sleepy. My eyes were starting to droop, just laying in his arms, but my brain was still wide awake. 

Suddenly, my ears picked up on the soft sound of Jisung singing. It was slow and gentle, his voice a little rough from sleep, but beautiful all the same. His voice was like honey, soothing my entire body. My fingers started to slow their movements as I tucked myself into Jisung’s chest. 

I finally fell into a deep sleep listening to Jisung softly sing to me.

❁

Light streamed through the window, hitting me straight in the face. I groaned and tried to roll over. My brows furrowed when something stopped me. My tired eyes opened more to see Jisung still sounds asleep, holding onto me like a teddy bear. 

Sensing my movements, Jisung’s eyes cracked open and smiled. “Good morning, gorgeous,” His voice was scratchy and low, sending chills down my spine. Jisung pushed himself up on his elbow and hovered over me with a drowsy smile. 

“Morning, Ji,” 

He genuinely smiled down at me and leaned down pressing his lips against mine. I felt him smile when I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Do you have class this morning?” He asked against my lips, which were most likely swollen from last night. Jisung himself had several darkening marks on his neck and collarbone. 

“Not until tomorrow. Do you?” 

“I was supposed to go record with Chan and Bin.”

“Supposed?”

“Like hell, I am going to leave you looking this beautiful in my bed,” Jisung said pressing his lips down my neck. “You want a shower? I’m gonna call Chan and tell him I’m not coming.” I nodded and pulled him up to my lips one more time.

“Thank you for last night, Ji. For everything.” 

He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Feel free to borrow some of my clothes,” Jisung said with a smirk before rolling over and grabbing his phone on the nightstand. I grabbed a hoodie from his closet while he was distracted with his phone and headed to the bathroom.

❁

Jisung’s  POV

“Chan, I’m in deep shit,” I whispered into the phone. I checked to make sure Y/n was out of the room. Chan scoffed over the line.

“Han. It is way too early for this. Did you accidentally email your professor a pornhub link again?” 

“What no!” Chan sighed. “Look, Y/n’s over here.” He started freaking out over the phone. I sighed letting his panic play out. 

“Oh no, no, no. You are not dragging me into this. Y/n is a nice girl. I want nothing to do with your and Hyunjin’s sick bet-”

“I think I’m starting to really like her. Like a lot.”

There was silence on the other side of the line. I decided that he was probably waiting for more information. Or he had passed out. Either was a probable response from Chris. “But, she’s at your apartment? Han, it’s like ten in the mornin-...You didn’t.” He took my silence as confirmation. “How could you? You said you like her!”

“I didn’t technically. I had these cameras set up, but I turned them off after she opened up to me and stuff started to happen.”

“YOU SET UP ACTUAL CAMERAS TO FILM HER?”

Chan screamed so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. Even then I could still hear him. “Did you hear the part where I said I turned them off. I have no proof....and honestly....I’m starting to question if I want any.”

“Wow. Good for you. You’ve had personal growth. Whoop-de-doo.” 

“Hey. I am asking for advice, not sarcasm.” I said with a sigh. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling it sticking up in weird places. “What should I do? Chan...I really like Y/n, but I’ve been lying to her up until now.”

“You’ve got to tell her the truth eventually.”

“But, what if she hates me. I don’t think I could handle hurting her.” Chan sighed again. I could practically see his face. The guy probably just woke up and I was putting all this stress on him. 

“I don’t know what to tell you,”

“I get it. Just don’t tell anyone about what we talked about, okay? At least until I figure out how to tell Y/n. I’m gonna stay here and think about it.” With that, I hung up the phone and laid back in bed. My fingers massaged my temple, feeling a sharp pain there. 

Did I really want to keep up this bet?

❁

Y/n’s POV

A weel later Jisung and I were doing even better than we were before. We were actually going out on dates and also...staying in and doing...other things. Jisung had invited me to come and see 3RACHA perform tonight at a local club, so Felix was fussing over my outfit. 

“Felix, I am not fitting into that dress.”

“You can squeeze!”

“A Polly pocket couldn’t fit into that tiny ass thing!” 

“Come on, Y/n! Be my Barbie!” Felix said chasing me around the costume shop with a tiny piece of white fabric that barely passed the social standard of being a dress. Eventually, he tackled me and wrestled me into the tight-fitting dress. 

“I feel naked.”

“Oh, please. He’ll love it.” Felix said throwing a pair of heels at me. I looked longingly at my pair of old tennis shoes. “If you aren’t wearing pumps at least wear some boots. We are clubbing after all.”

“Lix, we aren’t clubbing. We are watching Han perform.” 

“Same difference.”

I sighed and slipped on the black heeled boots Lix threw on my workstation and grabbed the brightly colored graffiti jacket that Jisung ‘left’ at my dorm. He had been leaving more and more of his clothes lying around my room. I wasn’t complaining.  

I drove both of us to the club and covered my ears entering the loud establishment. 3RACHA were already up on stage and performing a song so we pushed our way to the front. All the boys looked a little tipsy and had beers up on stage with them. Jisung saw me in the crowd and blew a kiss in my direction sending the whole crowd into a frenzy.

The show was incredible, though after I couldn't seem to get anywhere near Jisung. All the boys were hounded with fans and the crowd around them was too big to get through. “This is ridiculous. I can’t even get to my own boyfrien-” My world stopped when I looked over in Jisung’s direction by the bar. I swear everything happened in slow motion.

A girl with long platinum blonde wavy hair was draped all over Jisung’s arm. He talked to her while drinking yet another beer. I watched as she leaned up and cupped his cheeks, bringing him down for a sloppy kiss. The crowd cheered and I began to feel dizzy. “Y/n,” I heard Felix say, grabbing onto my elbow.

“I’ve gotta get out of here.”

The bass was so loud I could feel it pounding against my brain as I pushed through the crowd of dancing bodies. I heard someone calling my name, but I didn’t really want to talk to anybody. I just needed air. I needed to think.

“Y/n!”

I finally broke through the crowd and made my way outside the club. Where was my car? Where the fuck did I park? I ran a hand through my hair and looked around me trying to find my car in the see of dimly lit vehicles. 

“Y/n!” A hand grabbed my arm and turned me around. Jisung stood before me, clearly drunk with lipstick all over his face. “Y/n, baby, it’s not what you think.” His voice, which had become my favorite sound,  was slurred and broken up.

“Not what I think? Tell me, then. What was it?”

“Mina, she was drunk. She kissed me, but it didn’t mean anything. You know I only have feelings for you.” Did I know that? There was always this little thought in the back of my mind no matter how much I trusted Jisung that told me I was just another number in his playbook.

“Yes, she did kiss you. But that is a fucking cop-out. Because there is a reason she felt like that was an option.” 

I tried to push away the tears that threatened to fall. Jisung broke looking at me. I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but I didn’t know if I could trust him right now. I could tell it hurt him when he reached out and I backed away, tears inevitably falling down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry. I die when you cry.”

“Jisung you can’t do that!” I said watching a tear drip down his cheek.

“What?” 

“You can’t make me love you when I’m supposed to hate you!” I said slapping his shoulder and letting the tears flow freely.  Not hesitating, he wrapped me up in his arms, even when I tried to push him away. He let me cry on his shoulder and beat on his chest until it physically hurt to breathe.

“You’re right. It is a cop-out.” His hand came up and rubbed my back like he had done every night he stayed with me. “Y/n, I’m so sorry I let it happen. I don’t know what I was thinking.” My knuckles turned white, gripping onto his shirt. 

“Jisung, I’m tired of being hurt.”

“You are my everything, gorgeous.” He said lifting up my chin. I hated crying and feeling like this. It just sucked not being able to trust him when I wanted to be with him so badly. 

“How do I know I’m not just another random hookup for you?” 

“Because...” My heart dropped when he couldn't say anything.

“That’s the answer I needed. Thanks.” 

I started to walk away but he grabbed my arm, pulling me back into his chest. Jisung smashed his lips on mine, desperation, and passion filling the kiss making my knees go weak.

“That’s how.” He said, pulling away.

❁

I woke up the next morning, in Jisung’s bed light streaming through the window. I really should get him curtains. I smiled thinking back to last night. Jisung promised to show me that I wasn’t just another girl to him. And boy did he. I had never felt so loved than when I was with Jisung last night. 

I grabbed a big shirt of his that was lying around and slipped it over my head. My feet carried me out into his living room, where bright sunlight illuminated his only slightly messy apartment. A note on the coffee table caught my eyes.

Morning gorgeous,

Went out to get coffee and breakfast for us. 

I’ll be back soon, so sit tight. 

Ji <3

I smiled at his handwriting and the heart he left me. Lifting my legs up, I got comfortable on the couch and waited for Jisung to get back. The sound of a notification filled the room. Did I leave my phone in here? 

I searched for the device and found it face-up on the counter. It said I had one voicemail. Swiping on the notification the voicemail started playing. The voice of a boy I didn’t recognize filled the living room as I brought the phone back over to the couch. “Hey, it’s Hyunjin,” Oh. This must be Jisung’s phone. I was about to put it back until I heard the boy continue.

“Just reminding you, you’ve got two weeks to get into Y/n’s pants or you lose the bet. Your reputation as campus King is on the line, bro. Oh and don’t forget the cash prize.” 

I couldn't move.

❁

Han  Jisung’s POV

The coffee line took forever, but I finally got my order and excited the shop. I was trying to balance the cup holder in one hand and hold the door open for another customer when something slammed into my shoulder. “Hey! Watch it!” 

“Han?”

I looked up to see Hyunjin with a sly grin on his handsome face. “Hyunjin?” He clapped me on the back and helped me hold the door. “What’s up, man?” I asked when we were both standing outside. 

“I actually just called you like twenty minutes ago.”

“Oh, sorry I think I left my phone at my apartment.” I shrugged, trying to move along the conversation. Hyunjin was the last person I wanted to see. Especially after what happened last night with Y/n. “What about?”

“Just to remind you that you’ve got two weeks until you officially lose our bet. Don’t worry, I left a message so you can’t forget.”

My heart dropped to my stomach. My phone was still in the apartment with Y/n. “Oh, shit,” I muttered, eyes going wide. Hyunjin seemed to pay my reaction no mind. He was still stuck in his own world like usual.

“Whose the other coffee for by the way?” 

Fuck. She was gonna hear the message. No. She can’t hear it from Hyunjin. That asshole is going to ruin any chance I have left with her. Dropping the coffee and take away bag, I started sprinting across campus back to my apartment.

“HAN, WHAT THE FUCK?” 

I prayed that Y/n was still asleep. Maybe I could get there before she woke up, delete the message and just put this whole bet thing behind me. Doing Hyunjin’s punishment seemed like nothing compared to losing Y/n. I burst through the lobby doors and spotted my landlord already in his office. 

“Mr.Kang!”

“Good lord! Mr. Han, what can I do for you?”

“Uh...my girlfriend- the uh woman I came back with last night. Has she left yet?” I said completely out of breath. He stared at me like I was insane. 

“Not to my knowledge. I didn’t even realize you were serious about someone.” 

Before he even finished his sentence, I was pushing myself off his doorframe and racing to the elevator. I slammed the button and watched the elevator come down but it was taking too long for me. “Fuck this.” Racing up the stairs my heart pounded in my chest. Would she even still be there? Or would she just leave and not give me a second chance?

“Y/n?” I called halfway down the hall. I could care less about my neighbors at this point. “Y/n?” I burst through the door, knowing I left it unlocked. I let out a sigh seeing Y/n seated on the couch. My face fell, when I saw the dried tears on her cheeks. Without looking at me, she reached in front of her and played a recording on my phone. Hyunjin’s voice filled the room. 

“Hey, it’s Hyunjin. Just reminding you, you’ve got two weeks to get into Y/n’s pants or you lose the bet. Your reputation as campus King is on the line, bro. Oh and don’t forget the cash prize.”

She stood up and kept her stare on the phone. She looked broken.

“Are you going to say something?” Her voice cracked like she was holding back tears.

All I could do was cross to her and take her in my arms. I held onto her, cradling her head against my chest, my heart still racing from the mild panic attack that was just now catching up to me. 

“Thank god you’re still here.” 

I felt a few tears fall from my cheek and into her hair. “Jisung...was that all I was to you? Some payout? A way to keep your title of Biggest Fuckboy on campus?” She pushed away from me and walked to the other side of the room. The distance felt like miles.

I could feel my heart breaking. “What-no. Maybe at the beginning, but it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter? It doesn’t matter, Jisung? Yes. Yes, it does matter. You can’t keep lying to me and expect me to forgive you every time.” She yelled at me from across the room. I had never seen her this hurt or angry and it killed me.

“Y/n, please. Listen to me.”

“Listen to you? Your buddy Hyunjin just told me the whole fucking thing!”

“No! You have to hear it from me! What he said- it’s all turned around and screwed up. That’s why I wanted to be the one to tell you.” She backed away as I came closer. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me last night?”

“Because I was afraid! I was afraid none of this would be real and this feeling would go away; that the meaning would be lost.”

“The meaning of what, Jisung?”

I grabbed her hand in desperation, scared she might walk out the door at any moment. “This. Right here. Us. You and me.”

“Jisung, there is no you and me anymore.” She said pulling away and walking back towards the bedroom. I raced forward and blocked the doorway. “Jisung, move.” She said pushing against my chest.

“No.”

“Jisung! I want out! I can’t love someone I can’t trust.” She pushed through me with as much force as she could manage. I watched as she picked up the dress she was wearing last night from the floor. She tore off my shirt that she was wearing and threw it in my face. Y/n struggled to put the white dress back on before grabbing her shoes and trying to walk past me. 

“Y/n! Don’t leave, please.”

“How much was I worth Jisung? How much money were you going to get for fucking me?”

“$1,500. But, I didn’t take it! I didn’t even tell them that I slept with you because I didn’t care about the bet anymore. Y/n, please believe me. I will get down on my knees if you want me to.” She just stared at me in the doorway. “I will do anything to get you to stay.” Another silence passed. I felt small under her gaze. She had every right to be furious at me. 

“Kneel.”

Quickly, I got down on my knees. I had never moved faster in my entire life. I looked up at her, sharing the same tear-stained cheeks. To my surprise, she got on her knees with me and wrapped her arms around my neck. 

“Please, don’t hurt me anymore, Ji.”

Nodding I wrapped my arms around her and pulled Y/n into my lap. “I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry. I love you, Y/n. I’m sorry.” I cried into her shoulder. We just sat on the floor of my bedroom, holding onto each other, waiting for what would happen next.

❁

Y/n’s POV

The zipper on Jisung’s graduation gown was being a real pain in the ass. It had gotten stuck two inches from the top. They had already called my name and given me a diploma, so I came to sit with my boyfriend. He fidgeted while I sat in his lap.

“Man, this thing is tight.” 

“Well, keep in mind I didn’t make it for you. I made it for Lia. Also, do you know how many girls would love their waist to fit into this?” I said slapping his shoulder. 

“I think I’d rather be able to breathe.”

“Beauty is pain, Ji.” I said as I messed with his zipped. He nervously tapped on my thigh and waist as he listened to the Dean call out the names of students. “Damn this zipper.” My years of costume study were now being defeated by the zipper on my boyfriends graduation robe. “Ah-ha!” The zipper finally complied and moved up to the top of the robe.

“Han Jisung. Music Production Major.” The Dean called out over the speakers.

“Knock em dead, Ji,” I said kissing his cheek. Jisung smiled and walked up to the stage. Before the Dean could hand him his diploma Jisung unzipped his robe and the entire student body was filled with gasps and laughs. Jisung proudly presented himself wearing the red and black lingerie and corset I had made for Lia in the musical. It left nothing to the imagination, especially below the bodice. 

The look on the Dean’s face was priceless and Jisung twirled in front of him and laughed along with our graduating class. Jisung shook the Dean’s hand and took his diploma. Before he walked off the stage he turned around pushed his robe aside and slapped his own ass receiving many cheers and wolf whistles from the students. 

I laughed as he came back to his seat. He gave me a great big kiss and pulled me back onto his lap. “That was a piece of cake,” Jisung said, wrapping his arms around my stomach and resting his chin on my shoulder. I kissed his forehead with a big grin.

“I have never been so attracted to a man in lingerie.”

❁

Requests are open! Just send and ask, lovelies!

Masterlist

[peepeepotter]

New Girl Hogwarts AU Chapter 5: Merry Christmas, Georgie.

Pairing: George Weasley x fem!reader; Harry Potter x Ginny Weasley

Warnings: Cursing? I think?

Word Count: 3.2 K

Series Masterlist

“It was just so weird.” Y/N shuddered, using her rolling pin on a sheet of cookies in the Hogwarts kitchens.

“I mean, yeah, that sounds uncomfortable as fuck. What are you guys, teenagers?” Fred asked her, his head in his hand, watching her closely. He had told George before, Y/N is totally George’s type. Fred couldn’t help but think that it was a surprise it took this long for them to have an uncomfortable sexually tense encounter. “What did Terry say?”

“What do you mean? Terry didn’t see. I don’t want Terry to know. I’m trying to date casually right now.” Y/N said, suddenly remembering the reason she moved into the loft.

“Casually? With TERRY? Have you met that guy? He looks like he cries during sex.” This made Y/N laugh loudly.

“It’s so weird to talk about this with you. You’re his twin, maybe I shouldn’t be talking to his dead brother about this.”

“Hey, I’m basically alive. I’m just a ghost. And stuck in this stupid castle.” Fred pouted, reaching to grab cookie dough and put it in his mouth. “Although I really can’t taste much. But from what I remember, this tastes a lot like some cookies mum used to make.” Fred smiled.

“Fred, I love you, but please don’t talk about your mom when I just told you about a sexual encounter with your brother.”

“Sexually tense encounter at best, don’t get ahead of yourself, love. Anyway, how could you be attracted to him? I’m so much better looking than him.” Fred scoffed, fake-offended. In actuality, Fred was quite happy that George was moving on from Angelina. Fred was especially happy George was moving on with one of Fred’s most consistent friends at Hogwarts. Plus she baked like Molly.

“Fred, I hate to break it to you, but you died when you were a teenager, so you still look like one. As an adult, I’m not attracted to teenagers.”

“I’ll have you know I was twenty when I died. No longer a teenager, thank you very much.” Fred grinned. “Besides, mentally I’m like four years older than you.”

“You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes, but maintained a smile on her face. Y/N always liked hanging out with Fred, he was actually her first friend at the school. He found her crying one day after the breakup with McLaggen and did everything in his power to make her feel better about it. Ever since then, Y/N spent the majority of her free time between classes with Fred. She supposed it didn’t help that he looked an awful lot like the guy she liked. No, shut up, I don’t like him. Don’t listen to her thoughts, I’m the narrator. I’m always right, just wait.

“Y/N, do you even like Terry?”

“Well, he’s nice. And I could see myself liking him.”

“So you don’t.”

“Not yet.”

“Y/N.” Fred had his head resting in his hand against the counter, giving Y/N a look of pure disappointment. He knew Y/N and George would wind up together the minute he met her. He’s the one that showed her the ad on the wizarding web for a new place to live. Although, Y/N wasn’t happy that he didn’t tell her that she would find a man identical to him when she went to the interview with the boys. Fred just shrugged, he knew George well enough to know that they’d let her move in. He also knew George well enough to know that George would find Y/N just as adorable as Fred did.

“I just, maybe I need to rebound, okay? I don’t want to end up with someone like Terry, but I don’t want to end up hurting someone I really like in case I’m not ready to date yet.” To Fred, this sounded like code for ‘I don’t want to fuck up with your brother.’

“So you’re using Terry.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Y/N!” Fred chuckled, knowing he was right.

“I mean, so what? We’ve only been on a few dates, what’s the worst that could happen?” Little did Y/N know, she’d just jinxed herself.

-

“I’m sorry, what?” George asked, throwing his head back on the couch.

“We’re going to a party. Together, all of us.” Draco asserted. “None of you have a choice, I need people to know I have friends.” At this, Harry and George started snickering. Draco might not have been as bad as he was when they were at Hogwarts, and it certainly helped that he switched sides at the battle of Hogwarts, but people still didn’t like him.

“You mean you need—” George started.

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Draco quickly interrupted.

“What are we doing?” Y/N asked upon leaving her bedroom. “I was on the phone with my mom, what’s going on?”

“You mean mum, you stupid American.” George said unwavering, taking a sip from his beer.

“Okay, ha-ha, it was funny at first, now it’s just sad.” Y/N scrunched her nose. “Also do you ever drink water? I don’t think I’ve seen you drink anything other than beer for the past few months.”

“No comment.”

“We’re going to a Christmas party on Christmas eve.” Draco answered. He was tired of the two bickering all the time, and wouldn’t entertain it anymore.

“Oh fun! Can we also go look at Christmas lights? There’s this no-maj neighborhood not far—”

“A what neighborhood?” George asked, teasing Y/N.

“Muggle. I hate it here.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Anyway, it’s called Candy Cane Lane and it’s supposed to be super cute.” Y/N’s face lit up, her hands clapping lightly out of excitement. George felt that stupid feeling in his stomach again.

“No.” Draco said.

“Sure.” George shrugged. Draco turned and glared at him. “If we have time. I have to get to the Burrow that night. I’ve missed Christmas with my family for the past three years because of these idiots.” He gestured towards Neville and Harry chatting in the kitchen.

“You’re supposed to party on Christmas eve!” Harry interjected.

“Yeah, party, not get black out drunk and go to the hospital annually.” George muttered, causing Y/N to giggle quietly. She took a seat on the couch near him. To her it seems that they had gone back to normal after their interaction on Thanksgiving.

“We’ll go if we have time.” George whispered to her again. She nodded with a small smile on her face.

“So Y/N,” Harry started, walking towards the couch from the kitchen. 

“Harold.”

“It’s actually—”

“Just Harry, I know, it was a joke.”

“What are you getting your boyfriend for Christmas?”

“Oh god, I have to get him something? We're barely dating. What do you get someone you’re not that close to?”

“You don’t?” George offered.

“A plant?” Neville shouted from the kitchen.

“Hand soap. I have the feeling that man doesn’t have any in his bathroom.” Draco straight-faced. Y/N snorted.

“Let’s go to the shops and find something.” Harry smiled.

--

“Why? Why did I split up and go with you?” Y/N sighed, standing behind George who was distracted by some small robotic trinket. Y/N, a muggle-born, had seen them all the time as a teenager. George clearly had not.

“Because I’m the comic relief of the group. Also, I’m the hot one.” George smirked at her. She rolled her eyes, a small smile on her face she was hoping he wouldn’t see. He did.

“Whatever, help me pick something for this stupid man.”

“So you admit it?”

“What?”

“He’s stupid?”

“I mean, yeah, but I have a muggle doctorate and I’ve studied magical creatures forever. I’d say objectively most people are stupid to me.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.” He pushed her arm lightly, she pushed back laughing.

“Just get him one of these. They’re cute. He’s simple.” George shrugged, handing the small robot that said “Merry Christmas,” over and over to her. She shrugged, figuring he’s right.

“What about you? What do you want for Christmas?” Y/N asked. She asked to be nice, but she had already gotten him a bunch of Friends merchandise. George had proved to be a real sucker for most muggle things.

“Don’t get me anything. Seriously.” He turned towards her quickly. He had a stern look on his face.

“Why?”

“Because I’m horrible at gift giving, and I always feel in-debted when someone gives me something really good.” He didn’t look at her when he spoke this time, walking towards more muggle items. She raised her eyebrows, noting that she might have to return his Christmas gift. Actually, no. He’s getting a gift. Idiot.

--

“Here, merry Christmas.” Y/N said to Terry. They sat at the foot of her bed the day before Christmas Eve, giving each other their gifts.

“You open yours first.” He smiled at her, handing her the envelope. She opened it with a shrug. Her heart dropped. In front of her were two passes to a portkey that would take them to New York City. At the bottom of the card that contained the tickets, Terry had written a sweet note, signed with love. Love? Oh Merlin.

“I-I—” She stuttered, not knowing what to say. “Thanks, Terry.” She suddenly felt very bad for her cheap muggle gift. When he opened it, though, he wasn’t disappointed, just amused by the toy.

“Thank you so much.” He grinned at her. “I love you so much.” Her heart dropped further, and she had to keep herself from cringing.

“T-thanks.”

--

“Oh no. You said THANKS? To a confession of love?” George asked, all of the guys holding back laughs as she sat on the couch with her head in her hands.

“What was I supposed to do? Lie?” Her words were muffled by her hands.

“Well, no, but thanks?” Harry chortled out. Draco was bent over, almost on the ground from laughter. Neville was flushed red from secondhand embarrassment.

“What do I do? Break up with him? I’m not ready for any of this.” Y/N felt nauseous.

“I mean, weren’t you just kind of using him anyway?” George lectured.

“Why do you guys keep saying that?”

“You guys?”

“You fucking Weasley’s, your brother said that too.” She rolled her eyes, storming into her room. She hated living with men. They were never helpful but always thought they were.

--

The next day, George opened her bedroom door without knocking. She glared at him.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s fine, I overreacted. I’m just annoyed at the situation.”

“Well, we’re leaving soon, so get ready.” He offered, ducking back out of her room. Y/N put on black tights and a little black dress. She grabbed a red coat after putting on fake eyelashes. She grabbed her purse, and opened her door while slipping on her heels. Stumbling into the hall, she once again was faced with several men staring at her.

“Why do you guys do this every time I wear a dress?”

“You’re pretty.” Neville smiled, making Y/N almost tear up. They always did this, stare at her, but they almost never complimented her.

“Yeah, plus we only ever see you in sweatpants. So maybe we would stare less if you dressed less like a goblin every day.” Draco said, ruining the moment and heading towards the door.

“I don’t think you look like a goblin.” George whispered to her as they walked out of the loft. She smiled softly up at him.

Upon arriving at the party, Draco flocked towards his work wife. Harry headed towards Ginny, ready to give her the gift he got her. He was only slightly disappointed to find that she had brought a date to the party. 

“Here, Ginny.” He gave her the small box when her new boyfriend (boy toy, hopefully) walked away to get her a drink.

“Harry, you didn’t have to get me anything.” She said guiltily, not having gotten him anything. She opened it slowly as he shrugged in response. It was a small bottle. “What is it?” Her eyebrows scrunched. Harry laughed.

“It’s perfume. I’m not telling you that you stink, before you say that.” Ginny smiled, glad to know Harry knew her so well. “It’s a bunch of scents that remind me of you.” He shrugged, not wanting to admit that he had Draco make amortentia to see what she smelled like.

“Oh Merlin, if I smell like this I’m so sorry.” She coughed upon smelling it, making Harry laugh.

“Yeah, it’s a little all over the place. But it’s the thought, I guess?” She grinned at him, nodding.

Meanwhile George and Neville followed Y/N over to Terry. After a short, awkward conversation, Y/N excused herself to the bathroom. Neville walked away to find Luna. George stayed with Terry.

“So, quite a present you got her.” George said awkwardly, drinking from a plastic cup.

“Oh yeah, I think she really liked it.”

“Eh.”

“What? Did she tell you she didn’t like it?”

“I think it was just a lot really soon, buddy.”

“Oh no, do you think I should’ve toned it down?”

“Probably, Terry. You spent a small fortune and told her you loved her after like three weeks.”

“Oh no, what are you saying? Did she say she doesn’t love me? I was so stressed after she didn’t say it back, but I just assumed she was nervous.”

“I— you know I don’t actually think it’s my place to tell you that, Terry.”

Simultaneously, Y/N and Ginny convened in the bathroom.

“Did you like the present Harry got you?”

“It doesn’t smell very good, but it was really sweet.”

“Well, yeah, it’s Harry. He’s been in love with you for like, ever.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“I mean, has he, though?”

“You absolute idiot.”

“Whatever, did you like what Terry got you?”

“I didn’t tell you, yet? He got me plane tickets to the states for him and I and told me he loved me. When I’m out here thinking about my roommate.”

“Oh Merlin, so a bad perfume is definitely the way to go.” Y/N nodded in agreement. “Why are men so difficult?” Ginny added.

“It’s like they’re so simple that it’s difficult.” Y/N hummed. “We should go back out there.” They fixed their appearances in the mirror slightly before returning to the party. Y/N found George and Terry out on the balcony.

“You really don’t love me?” Terry said, turning around to face her with tears in his eyes.

“What? Where did this come from?” Before anyone could answer, she turned to George who immediately cringed. “What did you do?”

“I just- sometimes I speak without thinking?”

“Terry, don’t listen to this idiot.” George put his hands up in defense and went to leave back to the party, but found the door locked. He went for his wand and realized he had forgotten it at the loft.

“Oh no.” George whispered

“You don’t like me, do you? Did I do too much too soon? Be honest, stop doing that thing where you make me feel better.” Terry looked like a puppy, making the whole situation a lot worse.

“Somebody please help!” George pleaded, banging against the glass.

“I-Terry. Yes, okay? You scared me. It was a lot really soon. I just got out of a relationship, and I really wanted to take it slow.” Y/N confessed.

“I’m stuck out here! This is so awkward, please help!” George kept banging on the door.

“I— what if I can’t do that?” Terry asked.

“LET ME OUT!!!” George shouted.

“You can’t take it slow?” Y/N scrunched her brow.

“Oh Merlin.” George sat on the ground against the door.

“Isn’t it obvious? If I already love you and you can’t say it back, maybe we shouldn’t be together.” Although Terry’s words kind of hurt, Y/N felt somewhat relieved. “I’ll see you at work, alright?” Terry approached the door and unlocked it wordlessly with his wand.

“Thanks Terry.” George went to follow behind Terry as he left, but stopped, looking back at Y/N. He sighed, realizing he needed to clean up the mess he had made. He walked back over to her, leaning against the balcony next to her.

“You know, I think maybe this was my fault.” He admitted, looking through the glass doors at the party.

“You think, George?” She snapped.

“Well, didn’t you want to break up with him anyway?”

“Yeah, I did, but I wanted to do it on my own terms.” She puffed a breath of air out of her lips.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to completely ruin your relationship. I was trying to help him tone it down.”

“Well, thanks I guess.” She pushed off of the balcony, heading back into the party to find Neville and Luna.

“Well, fuck.” George sighed. 

--

The group, Ginny included, left the party at three in the morning. Walking through town, George attempted to rush his sister and Harry.

“We’ve got to get to the burrow like, three hours ago.” 

“Who cares? Mum and dad are asleep. They won’t know we were late.”

“Because I still have to wrap all my gifts, Gin.” George sighed. Y/N was behind the group, attempting to peel her shoes off despite the snow. Harry and Ginny started talking, and George looked around for his best friend. Finding Y/N at the back of the group, he slowed his pace until he was walking with her. He looked at her shoeless feet, walking in only stockings in the deep snow. He sighed.

“Stop.” Y/N looked up at him, his voice startling her. “All of you, stop. We’ve gotta go somewhere.”

“I thought you needed to get home to wrap your gifts.”

“We’ll just be late. It’s fine.” George shrugged, he faced Y/N suddenly. “Jump on my back, alright?” He leaned down in front of her, offering a piggy-back ride. Y/N smiled a little and climbed up on his back. The group walked to Candy Cane Lane. Upon arriving, the magic-users were disappointed. The lights were all off.

“HEY!” George started shouting.

“Oh my god, George it’s not that important, it’s okay.” Y/N whispered into his ear. Goosebumps raised on his neck upon feeling her breath so close to him.

“It is important! It’s Christmas! COME ON! YOU ALL PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THESE STUPID LIGHTS! TURN THEM ON!” He shouted. Ginny grinned.

“YEAH! TURN THEM ON!” Ginny shouted

“TURN THEM ON!!” Harry grinned.

“WAKE UP!!!” George added.

“TURN THEM ON!!” Neville shouted, although much more softly than the rest.

Suddenly, one at a time, each house’s lights turned on. Draco’s wand was lifted, turning on each house's Christmas lights.

“You all are so dumb. We are fortunate enough to have magic, there was a whole war. Remember?” Draco rolled his eyes.

Y/N grinned, feeling her heart swell upon seeing the bright Christmas lights. “Thanks, Georgie.” She whispered, nestling her cheek against his neck. This time his heart swelled.

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.” He said, squeezing her thighs as he held her up off the ground.

“Merry Christmas, Georgie.” Y/N pressed a soft kiss against his cheek.

Taglist: @yllwtaxi @ememseay @droppingthegloves @wassup-peoples @dejayoon @astoriaplease @postsbyjenipeo @edmunds-torch @ummmlana @kennreid @charming-fan-girl @expelliarmusmyass @boxofbadaddiction @pillowjj @losers-club6 @concepcion @gaysludge @melizabethhack @n-dg-wm @when-thedarkness-comes @sarcasticallywitty15 @kinkycalamari @draco-and-tom @rangotangomango 

Permanent taglist: @amourtentiaa​

A/N: if anyone wants to be added please just comment or message me and ask! I’m also working on submissions and asks if anyone wants a one shot or something <3 -mj

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 8: Moceit

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 8 - The temperature of your chest gets hotter when you are closer to your soulmate and colder when you move further away. 

Content warnings (oh boy): This is an afterlife fic! Meaning there is technically character death, but it is essentially the beginning of a whole new life, and the death itself is only briefly touched upon. That being said, warnings for; hypothermia/frostbite, death, car accident, talk of past death, mention of cancer, brief description of body horror (no gore).

Word count: 2.8k

It started when Janus was two. His parents were awoken by his feral cries, throwing open the door to his room, imagining the worst. They recoiled immediately upon touching him, his skin almost freezing to the touch. They closed the bedroom window and piled him in more layers until he stopped wailing, but that was only the start.  

When he was six, his mother explained soulmates to him. He looked at her with huge eyes, fiddling with the sleeves of his oversized hoodie, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. 

When he was ten, he had grown sick and tired of the constant cold. A majority of his classmates and friends hadn’t met their soulmates yet, but they all didn’t seem as bothered by it as he was. They didn’t keep their winter jackets on in class, no matter the season, and their hands were never too cold to hold a pencil.

When he was thirteen, he caught hypothermia. At the insistence of his older brother, he joined him outside in the snow for a hike in the forest. His countless layers and heat pads in his pockets only did so much when they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and while his brother seemed to be unaffected by the cold, Janus woke up the next day in the hospital. He could vaguely remember falling face first into the snow, his cold slowly morphing into pleasant warmth, his brother shouting his name. The doctors were unable to save his left eye, leaving him half blind, and his frostbite scars never quite disappeared. They said the very fact that he survived was some kind of miracle. He didn’t go into the snow after that. 

When he was sixteen, his mother took him to a doctor. After thorough examination, the man could find nothing wrong with him. He suggested B-12 supplements and a list of ways to increase his circulation, and when that did nothing to help months later, he sat them both down in his office and explained it most likely meant Janus’ soulmate had died. Janus didn’t know until that moment that it was possible to miss someone you’ve never met, but he cried on the way home. His mom said nothing. 

When he was eighteen, Janus was alone. He had become reclusive and standoffish, unwilling to spend time around any of the people who tried to befriend him. All of them had soulmates. All of them got to be happy. 

When he was twenty, his family suggested group therapy for those who had lost their soulmates, and he had reluctantly gone to one session. For a moment, he felt at home, surrounded by other people in thick sweaters and jackets and gloves, until he learned that all of them had lost their soulmates after meeting them. They had been able to spend years together, enjoying each other’s company, before losing the love of their life. When he explained his situation, he was only met with the same sympathetic looks he’d received everywhere else in life, and he never went back. 

When he was twenty-two, he graduated with his Bachelor’s degree in psychology. The crowd was the quietest it had been all night; no one knew this guy, but it felt wrong to not cheer at all. He shook the Dean’s hand with thick yellow gloves and took the diploma, ignoring the man’s confused raised eyebrow and walking away to the noise of half-hearted claps. 

When he was twenty-five, life was okay. Not good, just okay. He’d found a lab job in the psychological social experiment aspect that paid decently and wasn’t a total bore. Most nights he was numb, especially after experiments that revolved around soulmates, so he turned on Netflix and poured a glass of wine and fell asleep on the couch, wrapped in a thick weighted blanket. Life is fine, he told himself. It could be worse. 

And when Janus was twenty-seven, he died. It was an accident; a mix of a long tiring day and an ignored red light just as he was crossing the street. The car barreled through the intersection, other car horns blaring, and he looked up just in time to see the person looking down, probably on their phone. He’d never know. The impact was quick, and he didn’t even have time to feel pain before the world went dark. He was a little grateful for that.

It stayed dark for a long while after that. Well, in full honesty, he didn’t know how long it was. It felt like a long time, but it also felt extraordinarily short. The seconds turned to years and millennia became mere minutes, the very concept of time fading away just as he did. A minuscule part of him was still aware that he was conscious, and he probably should have been a little scared of that, because did that mean he was destined to float around as an unattached subconscious for eternity? A larger part of him was just relieved to finally rest, with the weight of student debt and an exhaustingly lonely life finally gone. 

Until it wasn’t. The light crept into the center of his vision first and he grumbled in annoyance. Let me just enjoy it a second longer, he thought distantly, but the light didn’t listen as it slowly spread across his vision like molasses. For the first time in his life, he realized with a start, he didn’t feel cold. There was a heat in his chest that he’d never felt before, and he was scared when the darkness faded, so would the warmth. 

“Janus, are you okay?” A desperate voice broke through his dark haze in whisps, slowly clearing the fog that had set in. It rambled on, “Oh, stupid question. You just died. Sorry! Can you see me?”

His vision lit up all the way, replacing the darkness but not taking away the heat. Perfect. He was about to answer no to the stranger’s question; there was just a blur of blue and white and green, until the figure loomed that much closer and came into focus. It was a man, probably his age, with bright blue eyes and floppy golden hair, his freckled nose just inches from Janus’. His eyes held concern but he was smiling like no tomorrow. The man seemed to realize when Janus could in fact see him clearly and backed away, holding out a hand to help him up. Why was he lying on the ground? Where was he?

That question was answered as soon as he took the offered hand, looking around him in shock. Apparently the dark void hadn’t held him for as long as he thought. A distant siren pierced the air, and people’s shouts rang over each other as they milled around the body in the street, his body. The car that had hit him was nowhere to be seen. It was all too surreal, too uncomfortable, and he turned back to the man standing in front of him. They were standing on the sidewalk, just meters away from the gruesome scene on the street, and Janus suddenly felt very lightheaded. 

“I carried you away as soon as your soul formed. Didn’t want to overwhelm you when you opened your eyes for the first time.”

“I’m dead?”

“Yep,” The man answered just a bit too cheerfully, before noticing the newcomer’s expression and softening, “Sorry. I’ve been here for a while, the shock has kind of worn down.”

“What’s here?”

“The afterlife. Deathny World. Aliven’t. I’ve heard it all.”

“Ah,” Janus choked, trying to take in the environment around him without looking at his own dead body, or the paramedics that had just arrived on the scene. It looked like the real world, and obviously they were still in the real world to some extent since he was witnessing the aftereffects of his own death, but the subtle mist floating through the air was definitely new. It curled through the air gently, resting on every surface it could land on, coloring the world with soft rainbow hues. It was the real world, it was just as if he was seeing more of it for the first time. The parts that were invisible before. An orange tuft graced by his ear and he could just make out the sound of someone laughing, the smell of fresh bread, the taste of fresh jam on a summer morning. A smile tugged at his lips before he realized.

“Forgotten memories,” The man spoke up, as if reading his mind. “Every lost memory of every person winds up here. Mostly good ones, but some are bad. You’ll learn how to sift through them soon enough.” 

Janus was finally able to pull himself away from the colorful world, staring into the bright eyes of the stranger. “Who are you?”

“I’m Patton,” he said with a new grin, scratching the back of his neck nervously, “I’m your soulmate.”

--------------------------------------

It took Janus a much longer time than he would have liked to admit to unfreeze from the revelation, Patton taking his hand gently and sinking them out to a new location. His stomach churned upon rising up, the new sensation making him nauseous. He didn’t recognize where they were, some cafe, and Patton gently pushed him into a seat before strolling up to the counter with no hesitation, starting a conversation with the barista and gesturing to Janus. The mist, the lost memories, were gone, replaced with a golden haze that gave the world a soft glow. The air was thick with the smell of coffee beans and cookies that instantly calmed Janus’ stomach. When Patton finally walked back to him, two mugs in hand, he explained. 

“This is the soul world. We can pop in from the real world to this one whenever we want. Some souls choose to stay on one side predominantly, some switch back and forth a lot.” 

“This single cafe is the soul world?”

“Oh! No, my bad! There’s a whole lot more outside. I’ll have to show you later. Right now, though, just relax. You’ve had a… long day, to say the least.” He pushed one of the cups into Janus’ grasp.

“What is it?” He asked skeptically. It looked like coffee, but who’s to say anything anymore. 

“Whatever you want it to be. Think of your favorite drink, then try it.”

Janus narrowed his eyes but lifted the mug to his lifts, trying to think of a single drink he liked. His mind decided that this was the ideal moment to forget everything he ever drank in his entire short life, so when he finally took a sip, the liquid was disgustingly tasteless. Like warm water. He set the drink down, watching Patton intensely.

Janus took in his appearance, his general shock finally beginning to wear off. An open light blue button up over a white shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was pretty much Janus’ definition of cute, what with those stupidly adorable dimples and little golden locket hanging on his neck. If he’d met him when he was alive, he no doubt would have fallen head over heels for him.    

“You’re my soulmate? How is that…” He cleared his throat, hoping he wasn’t blushing, “How is that possible?”

Patton hummed, wiping off what appeared to be a hot chocolate moustache, “I died when I was three. Cancer.”

“That’s awful.”

Patton shrugged, taking another sip, “It wasn’t great. I woke up by myself, still half wedged in my own corpse. It was terrifying. My parents were crying, and I tried to tell them I was there, somehow, but they couldn’t see me.”

“Totally not traumatic at all.”  

The man actually laughed, despite the dark story, “I had to figure everything out for myself. Sinking down, navigating both worlds, how to control my own form… which you are doing surprisingly well at, by the way.” 

Janus glanced down at himself. He definitely wasn’t alive, that much was sure, if the wisps of yellow smoke cascading down him were any indication. If he concentrated hard enough, the fog began to disappear, leaving him looking normal, albeit a bit paler. As soon as his mind drifted, however, the golden trails were back.

“This was the first place I was able to rise up in in this world. It’s kind of an easy access point. I popped up behind the counter, scared the living daylights out of Virgil.” He pointed to the barista who was currently chatting with another person ghost, laughing over identical mugs with them. “He’s been here a while. Two hundred years, give or take.”

Janus paled, the idea of eternity becoming just that much more real. “Oh…”

“Yeah. He kind of raised me. And then when I was old enough to understand, he explained that I’d left a soulmate behind. I cried for hours after that.” He smiled sadly, finally meeting Janus’ eyes. 

“You knew my name,” The younger recalled suddenly, sitting up a little straighter, “Right when I was waking up, you said my name.”

Patton looked almost sheepish, focusing back on the cup between his hands, “After Virgil told me… I kind of made it my personal mission to find my soulmate. I spent a lot of time in the real world, years, trying to find you, and of course checking in on my parents sometimes. Ghosts don’t need sleep, we can sleep, if we want, but we don’t need to, so it was a constant search. And then, my parents both ended up in the hospital, long story, and I wanted to be there when they woke up. Make their transition into the new world a little easier than mine was,” His expression lit up, wiggling a little in his seat, “And while I was there, I stumbled across a certain young patient with severe frostbite and hypothermia.”

“Me.”

“Mmhm. And I felt this weird warmth in my chest, which is weird, because ghosts don’t really feel temperature. It didn’t last that long, just a couple seconds, really, but it was enough time to know.”

“The soulbond.”

“Yep.”

They both drank in unison. This time, Janus’ drink tasted like the unsweetened chamomile tea from the hospital. He made a sour face and put the cup back down. He stared into his reflection for a moment, almost captivated in the sloshing against the sides of the mug, before Patton spoke again.

“I spent most of my time in the alive-world after that. With you. And it sucked, because there was nothing I wanted more than to talk to you and hug you and just let you know I existed… you were so sad…”

“Yeah…” Janus mumbled, tapping the ridge of his cup with his fingernail. “Is that why you were at the accident?”

“I tried to stop it,” Patton whispered, a look of pure guilt crossing his face, “I couldn’t tug you back though, and you didn’t hear me. So the least I could do was pull you out when you formed and take you away from the crowd.” 

The odd language was starting to confuse Janus, the weird differentiation between his soul and his body, the terminology regarding the soul world he didn’t understand… it was all just a lot. 

“So… Do we age? You’re obviously not three anymore. But the barista doesn’t look two hundred.”

“Virgil. And… I don’t know.”

“Very comforting.”

“You’re sassy.”

“That I am.” 

For the first time in a very long time, Janus’ lips twitched into a smile in response to the absolute beam on Patton’s face. No one had ever taken his snark as anything other than bitchiness, but this guy, his soulmate, seemed to love it. 

“As far as I know, we won’t. I think I only aged along with you, and now that you’re here, we’re probably done.” He had finished his drink, the barista swooping in out of nowhere and plucking it from his grasp with an impish grin. Patton shouted his thanks as Virgil disappeared into the back room. “He’s been waiting to meet you for a long time. But he can be a handful, so we’ll save proper introductions until you’re settled. Speaking of which…” He stood up, smoothing out his shirt and offering his hand to Janus once more. “I can show you where residency is, if you’d like. It might be nice to take a nap, just to process.”

Janus considered. The vague sounding ‘residency’ was intriguing, but he was much too restless to sleep right now. He voiced as much. “Maybe later. Do you think you could show me around first?”

The grin Patton gave him was bright enough to power a city block. Janus took the extended hand and the man squealed, pulling him towards the door excitedly. Yeah. He was definitely already falling for the literal ball of sunshine that was his soulmate. 

“One grand tour of the afterlife, coming up!” 

[darling-of-dark]

Rock, Relationships, and Roses

Hey y’all I just wanted to thank  you so much for reading this fic it’s only my second fic ever so please be kind! Also this is a crack fic and attempt attempt at my dry humor and I didn’t edit it because I was so excited to post it so I hope u enjoy!

~Chapter one~

“Ms.archoron, are you paying any attention at all?”

Feyre's head flew up as Mr. Cran dropped a text book next to her head, “sorry, i had-” “My class is not for sleeping ,its for learning now back to the revolutionary war…”

Feyre once again drowned out the sound of mr. cran as she stared at the clock 6 more hours till the show she thought it had been months of envious waiting to see if nesta had got the job for being the photographer for the city paper. Last night they had gotten the call and three free backstage passes for the show.

As soon as the bell rang, Eeyre was out of the class and running down the hall out the doors and to the bus stop. When feyre got home nesta was in the living room sleeping on the couch drool running down out of her mouth

“Up up up up we're going to be late! And if we're late we won't have time to talk to them”

With a loud grown nesta had gotten off the couch. Nesta had heard of the job through clare who interns for the velaris times and she only recognised the name from the giant poster in Feyre’s bedroom wingspan apparently they were a big rock group, witch was not nestas cup of tea she preferred classical music and melodies but definitely not screamo, feyre played it so loud it hurt her ears and almost got them evicted from the dingy downtown two bedroom apartment that there father had left them with three years ago, that and 50,000 dollars in debt. Sense then nesta had been working three jobs so Elain and feyre could go to school full time.

“Look what i picked up on my detore to school this morning” feyre said as she pulled out a necklace from the side pocket

“Where the hell did you get that, oh gods feyre what have i told you about stealing?” nesta said as she looked on the price

“this costs more than our heating bill”

“Oh come on nes if its chain it's free rain, plus the alarm was so easy to get off its like they were asking for it to be stolen” when nesta gave her the “look” she shoved it in nestas hand

“It is for you by the way , don't worry I took the earrings and the bracelet is for Elain” Feyre said, pushing her hair back to reveal the matching earring. Nesta could admit it was a beautiful gold chain with a seated red swarovski crystal

“Uh know to wear to the best night of our lives to night!”

“Well thank you yuh damn klepto”

~~~

“What the hell” rhys said as he was awoken by a crash from the dressing room next door, he got off the couch and banged on the door

“Shut the fuck up i was trying to sleep”

“Uh sorry we’ll try to keep it down a little more” Cassian said as Rhys rolled his eyes when he heard a girl laughing from the other side of the door. rhys walked back over to his room and sat back on the couch , he knew he wasn't going to sleep there was no point in even trying insomnia was a pain in the ass and definitely not a friend of his , it kept him awake at night he tried every vitamin and medication but it only ever lasted a few days and left him with night terrors that woke everyone on the tour bus.it was no use 1 to 2 hours was a average night for him. The band had been touring for one year and was almost done , of course until the next tour it was a never ending hell that had been happening for the past 5 years since their debut album.

“Excuse me mr.moon sir?” rhys heard from the outside of the door

“Yes?”

“ sound check is in 15”

“Yeah yeah whatever” rhys said in an aggravated tone. It was three hours till the show and already there were people lined down the streets of velaris to see them perform and if rhys was being honest it was the only thing keeping him going , at first it was a dream all the money, partying and girls but now it wasn't enough he was sick and tired of it all.

~~~

“ come on we have to be there early” feyre said just as elaine was finishing up her makeup

“Okay ,okay I'm coming” elain said walking down the hall “how do I look?” Elain knew grayson was going to be there he bought tickets 10 months ago for him and Elain but his friend ended up wanting to go with him instead and she was so happy to surprise him since he couldn't get uhhuh ticket

“So hot I love it, ” Feyre said. Elain was dressed in a black tee from the band tee that had a cut at the cleavage and dark jeans with boots, defity far from her usual pink and flower apparel all the time.

Nesta stepped out of her room with a black cardigan white tank crop top and leggings with a camera bag slung over her shoulder

“That's what you're wearing to a rock concert? You look like a pta mom on the go” feyre said as she walked toward the door

“ oh shut up its for work, you to are the ones going for fun”

“Your never going to get a boyfriend looking like that”

“Yeah definitely no boys for me tonight”

When the city bus dropped them off they still had to walk three block because of the blocked roads and then to find there way to the back door that was hounded by mass amounts of fan girls they had to pry there why throh to get to the door when they got in nesta started snapping pictures of everything from people to the equipment she had major competition for the best photos. Feyre was losing her mind Elain would've put money on it that she had never seen feyre this happy. Elain couldn't have cared less that she was backstage; she really wanted to find Grayson so she wandered off to the floor seats to do just that well Feyre was looking around and Nesta was taking as many photos as possible.

Nesta found her way over to the snack table and picked up a chocolate covered strawberry and took a bite

“Well it seems i went looking for a snack and found a whole meal” nesta jumped as she heard this she quickly turned around and was met with a smirking 6’4 man

“Im sorry what ?”

“I definitely haven't seen you around before are you an intern?”

“No i'm with the news paper velaris times” nesta said as she picked up the camera in her hand

“Well, miss newspaper lady, do you have a name ?”

“Nesta , and do you snack table boy?” the man looked slightly confused but said

“Cass , it's a pleasure to meet you. Would you like to accompany me to my bed tonight nesta ?”nesta raised her eyebrows in confusion

“ Wow, how charming does that usually work for you? Asking a random girl to sleeping with you”

“Yes actually”

“To bad it doesn't work on me”

“How about dinner after the show?”

“Dinner? The show ends at 1 am”

“ how about dinner tomorrow night?”

“ I can’t and I don’t want to go to dinner with someone who just wants to get into my pants”

“ your loss then sweetheart” nesta watched cass walked away toward the dressing rooms and wondered what the hell just happened

~~~

It was five minutes before show time when Rhys could hear the crowd chanting over and over again “we want wingspan, we want wingspan, we want wingspan” it was a never ending chant.

As rhys walked out on the black stage he grabbed his bass guitar and walked toward the mic as cassian walked toward his drum set and az to his guitar, the music started and strobe lights started moving, it was always the same rhys thought until his eyes landed on a girl in the front of the mosh pit, seeing all the people jumping around till his eyes were stuck on a guy who pushed over a girl and she fell straight to the ground hitting her head on the concrete floor passing out .



[arcticdementor]

Stefanie Gray explains why, as a teenager, she was so anxious to leave her home state of Florida to go to college.

“I went to garbage schools and I’m from a garbage low-income suburb where everyone sucks Oxycontin all day,” she says. “I needed to get out.”

She got into Hunter College in New York, but both her parents had died and she had nowhere near enough to pay tuition, so she borrowed. “I just had nothing and was poor as hell, so I took out loans,” she says.

This being 2006, just a year after the infamous Bankruptcy Bill of 2005 was passed, she believed news stories about student loans being non-dischargeable in bankruptcy. She believed they would be with her for life, or until they were paid off.

“My understanding was, it’s better to purchase 55 big-screen TVs on a credit card, and discharge that in a court of law, then be a student who’s getting an education,” she says.

Still, she asked for financial aid: “I was like, ‘My parents are dead, I'm a literal fucking orphan, I have no siblings. I'm just taking out this money to put my ass through school.”

Instead of a denial, she got plenty of credit, including a slice of what were called “direct-to-consumer” loans, that came with a whopping 14% interest rate. One of her loans also came from a company called MyRichUncle that, before going bankrupt in 2009, would briefly become famous for running an ad disclosing a kickback system that existed between student lenders and college financial aid offices.

Gray was not the cliché undergrad, majoring in intersectional basket-weaving with no plan to repay her loans. She took geographical mapping, with the specific aim of getting a paying job quickly. But she graduated in the middle of the post-2008 crash, when “53% of people 18 to 29 were unemployed or underemployed.”

“I couldn't even get a job scrubbing toilets at a local motel,” she recalls. “They told me straight up that I was over-educated. I was like, “Literally, I'll do your housekeeping. I don't give a shit, just let me make money and not get evicted and end up homeless.”

The lender Sallie Mae at the time had an amusingly loathsome policy of charging a repeating $150 fee every three months just for the privilege of applying for forbearance. Gray was so pissed about having to pay $50 a month just to say she was broke that she started a change.org petition that ended up gathering 170,000 signatures.

She personally delivered those to the Washington offices of Sallie Mae and ended up extracting a compromise out of the firm: they’d still charge the fee, but she could at least apply it to her balance, as opposed to just sticking it in the company’s pocket as an extra. This meager “partial” victory over a student lender was so rare, the New York Times wrote about it.

“I definitely poked the bear,” she says.

Gray still owed a ton of student debt — it had ballooned from $36,000 to $77,000, in fact — and collectors were calling her nonstop, perhaps with a little edge thanks to who she was. “They were telling me I should hit up people I know for money, which was one thing,” she recalls. “But when they started talking about giving blood, or selling plasma… I don’t know.”

Sallie Mae ultimately sued Gray four times. In doing so, they made a strange error. It might have slipped by, but for luck. “By the grace of God,” Gray said, she met a man in the lobby of a courthouse, a future state Senator named Kevin Thomas, who took a look at her case. “Huh, I’ve got some ideas,” he said, eventually pointing to a problem right at the top of her lawsuit.

Sallie Mae did not represent itself in court as Sallie Mae. The listed plaintiff was “SLM Private Credit Student Loan Trust VL Funding LLC.” As was increasingly the case with mortgages and other forms of debt, student loans by then were typically gathered, pooled, and chopped into slices called tranches, to be marketed to investors. Gray, essentially, was being sued by a tranche of student loan debt, a little like being sued by the coach section of an airline flight.

When Thomas advised her to look up the plaintiff’s name, she discovered it wasn’t registered to do business in the State of New York, which prompted the judge to rule that the entity lacked standing to sue. He fined Sallie Mae $10,000 for “nonsense” and gave Gray another rare victory over a student lender, which she ended up writing about herself this time, in The Guardian.

Corporate creditors often play probabilities and mass-sue even if they don’t always have great cases, knowing a huge percentage of borrowers either won’t show up in court (as with credit card holders) or will agree to anything to avoid judgments, the usual scenario with student borrowers.

“What usually happens in pretty much 99% of these cases is you beg and plead and say, ‘Please don't put a judgment against me, I'll do anything… because a judgment against you means you're not going to be able to buy a home, you’re not going to be able to do basically anything involving credit for the next 20 years.”

…

The passage of the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005 was a classic demonstration of how America works, or doesn’t, depending on your point of view. While we focus on differences between Republicans and Democrats, it’s their uncanny habit of having just a sliver of enough agreement to pass crucial industry-friendly bills that really defines the parties.

Whether it’s NAFTA, the Iraq War authorization, or the Obama stimulus, there are always just enough aisle-crossers to get the job done, and the tally usually tracks with industry money with humorous accuracy. In this law signed by George Bush, sponsored by Republican Chuck Grassley, and greased by millions in donations from entities like Sallie Mae, the crucial votes were cast by a handful of aisle-crossing Democrats, including especially the Delawareans Joe Biden and Tom Carper. Hillary Clinton, who took $140,000 from bank interests in her Senate run, had voted for an earlier version.

Party intrigue is only part of the magic of American politics. Public relations matter, too, and the Bankruptcy Bill turned out to be the poster child for another cherished national phenomenon: the double-lie.

…

Years later, pundits still debate whether there really ever was an epidemic of debt-fleeing deadbeats, or whether legislators in 2005 who just a few years later gave “fresh starts” to bankrupt Wall Street banks ever cared about “moral hazard,” or if it’s fair to cut off a single Mom in a trailer when Donald Trump got to brag about “brilliantly” filing four commercial bankruptcies, and so on.

In other words, we argue the why of the bill, but not the what. What did that law say, exactly? For years, it was believed that it absolutely closed the door on bankruptcy for whole classes of borrowers, and one in particular: students. Nearly fifteen years after the bill’s passage, journalists were still using language like, “The bill made it completely impossible to discharge student loan debt.”

…

The phrase “Just asking questions” today often carries a negative connotation. It’s the language of the conspiracy theorist, we’re told. But sometimes in America we’re just not told the whole story, and when the press can’t or won’t do it, it’s left to individual people to fill in the blanks. In a few rare cases, they find out something they weren’t supposed to, and in rarer cases still, they learn enough to beat the system. This is one of those stories.

…

Smith’s explanation of the history of the student loan exemption and where it all went wrong is biting and psychologically astute. In his telling, the courts’ historically sneering attitude toward student borrowers has its roots in an ages-old generational debate.

“This started out as an an argument between the Greatest Generation and Baby Boomers,” Smith notes. “A lot of the law was created by people railing against draft-dodging deadbeat hippies.”

He points to a 1980 ruling by a judge named Richard Merrick, who in denying relief to a former student, wrote the following:

The arrogance of former students who had received so much from society, frequently including draft deferment, and who had given back so little in return, accompanied by their vehemence in asserting their constitutional and statutory rights, frequently were not well received by legislators and jurists, senior to them, who had lived through the Depression, had worked their ways through college and graduate school, had served in World War II, and had been paying the taxes which made possible the student loans.

Smith laughs about this I didn’t climb the hills at Normandy with a knife in my teeth just to eat the debt on your useless-ass liberal arts degree perspective, noting that “when those guys who did all that complaining went to school, only rich prep school kids went to college, and by the way, tuition was like ten bucks.” Still, he wasn’t completely unsympathetic to the conservative position.

…

This concern about “deadbeats” gaming the system — kids taking out fat loans to go to school and bailing on them before the end of the graduation party — led that 1985 court to take a hardcore position against students who made “virtually no attempt to repay.” They established a three-pronged standard that came to be known as the “Brunner test” for determining if a student faced enough “undue hardship” to be granted relief from student debt.

Among other things, the court ruled that a newly graduated student had to do more than demonstrate a temporary inability to handle bills. Instead, a “total incapacity now and in the future to pay” had to be present for a court to grant relief. Over the course of the next decades, it became axiomatic that basically no sentient being could pass the Brunner test.

…

In 2015, he was practicing law at the Texas litigation firm Bickel and Brewer when he came across a case involving a former Pace University student named Lesley Campbell, who was seeking to discharge a $15,000 loan she took out while studying for a bar exam. Smith believed a loan given out to a woman who’d already completed her studies, and who used the money to pay for rent and groceries, was not covering an “educational benefit” as required by law. A judge named Carla Craig agreed and canceled Campbell’s loan, and Campbell v. Citibank became one of the earlier dents in the public perception that there were no exceptions to the prohibition on discharging student debts.

“I thought, ‘Wait, what? This might be important,’” says Smith.

By law, Smith believed, lenders needed to be wary of three major exceptions to the non-dischargeability rule:

— If a loan was not made to a student attending a Title IV accredited school, he thought it was probably not a “qualified educational loan.”

— If the student was not a full-time student — in practice, this meant taking less than six credits — the loan was probably dischargeable.

— And if the loan was made in an amount over and above the actual cost of attending an accredited school, the excess might not be “eligible” money, and potentially dischargeable.

Practically speaking, this means if you got a loan for an unaccredited school, were not a full-time student, or borrowed for something other than school expenses, you might be eligible for relief in court.

Smith found companies had been working around these restrictions in the blunt predatory spirit of a giant-sized Columbia Record Club. Companies lent hundreds of thousands to teenagers over and above the cost of tuition, or to people who’d already graduated, or to attendees of dubious unaccredited institutions, or to a dozen other inappropriate destinations. Then they called these glorified credit card balances non-dischargeable educational debts — Gray got one of these “direct-to-consumer” specials — and either sold them into the financial system as investments, borrowed against them as positive assets, or both.

…

Smith thought these practices were nuts, and tried to convince his bosses to start suing financial companies.

“They were like, ‘You do know what we do around here, right?’ We defend banks,” he recalls, laughing. “I said, ‘Not these particular banks.’ They said it didn’t matter, it was a question of optics, and besides, who was going to pay off in the end? A bunch of penniless students?”

Furious, Smith stormed off, deciding to hang his own shingle and fight the system on his own. “My sister kept saying to me, ‘You have to stop trying to live in a John Grisham novel,’” he recalls, laughing. “There were parts of it where I was probably super melodramatic, saying things like, ‘I'm going to go find justice.’”

Slowly however, Smith did find clients, and began filing and winning cases. With each suit, he learned more and more about student lenders. In one critical moment, he discovered that the same companies who were representing in court that their loans were absolutely non-dischargeable were telling investors something entirely different. In one prospectus for a trust packed full of loans managed by Sallie Mae, investors were told that the process for creating the aforementioned “direct-to-consumer” loans:

Does not involve school certification as an additional control and, therefore, may be subject to some additional risk that the loans are not used for qualified education expenses… You will bear any risk of loss resulting from the discharge.

Sallie Mae was warning investors that the loans might be discharged in bankruptcy. Why the honesty? Because the parties who’d be packaging and selling these student loan-backed instruments included Credit Suisse, JP Morgan Chase, and Deutsche Bank.

“It’s one thing to lie to a bunch of broke students. They don’t matter,” Smith says. “It’s another to lie to JP Morgan Chase and Deutsche Bank. You screw those people, they’ll fight back.”

…

In June of 2018, a case involving a Navy veteran named Kevin Rosenberg went through the courts. Rosenberg owed hundreds of thousands of dollars and tried to keep current on his loans, but after his hiking and camping store folded in 2017, he found himself busted and unable to pay. His case was essentially the opposite of Brunner: he clearly hadn’t tried to game the system, he made a good faith effort to pay, and he demonstrated a long-term inability to make good. All of this was taken into consideration by a judge named Cecilia Morris, who ruled that Rosenberg qualified for “undue hardship.”

“Most people… believe it impossible to discharge student loans,” Morris wrote. “This Court will not participate in perpetuating these myths.” The ruling essentially blew up the legend of the unbeatable Brunner standard.

Given a fresh start, Rosenberg moved to Norway to become an Arctic tour guide. “I want people to know that this is a viable option,” he said at the time. The ruling attracted a small flurry of news attention, including a feature in the Wall Street Journal, as the case sent a tremor through the student lending world. More and more people were now testing their luck in bankruptcy, suing their lenders, and asking more and more uncomfortable questions about the nature of the education business.

In the summer of 2012, a former bond trader named Michael Grabis sat in the waiting room of a Manhattan financial company, biding time before a job interview. In the eighties, Grabis’s father was a successful bond trader who worked in a swank office atop the World Trade Center, but after the 1987 crash, the family fell out of the smart set overnight. His father lost his job and spiraled, his mother had to look for a job, and “we just became working class people.”

Michael tried to rewrite the family story, going to school and going into the bond business himself, first with the Bank of New York, and eventually for Schwab. But he, too, lost his job in a crash, in 2008, and now was trying to break the pattern of bubble economy misery. However, he’d exited Pennsylvania’s Lafayette College in the nineties carrying tens of thousands in student loans. That number had since been compounded by fees and penalties, and the usual letters, notices, and phone calls from debt collectors came nonstop.

Now, awaiting a job interview, his phone rang again. It was a collection call for Sallie Mae, and it wasn’t just one voice on the line.

“They had two women call at once,” Grabis recalls. “They told me I’d made bad life choices, that I lived in too expensive a city, that I had to move to a cheaper place, so I could afford to pay them,” Grabis explains. “I tried to tell them I was literally at that moment trying to get a job to help pay my bills, but these people are trained to just hound you without listening. I was shaking when I got off the phone, and ended up having a bad interview.”

Two years later, more out of desperation and anger than any real expectation of relief, Grabis went to federal court in the Southern District of New York and filed for bankruptcy. At the time, he, too, believed student loans could not be eliminated. But the more he read about the way student loans were constructed and sold — he’d had experience in doing shovel-work constructing mortgage-backed securities, so he understood the Student Loan Asset-Backed Securities (SLABS) market — he started to develop a theory. Everyone dealing with the finances of higher education in America knew the system was rotten, he thought. But what if someone could prove it?

The 2005 Bankruptcy Act says former students can’t discharge loans for “qualified educational expenses,” i.e. loans given to students so that they might attend tax-exempt non-profit educational institutions. Historically, that exemption covered almost all higher education loans.

What if America’s universities no longer deserve their non-profit status? What if they’re no longer schools, and are instead first and foremost crude profit-making ventures, leveraging federal bankruptcy law and the I.R.S. code into a single, ongoing predatory lending scheme?

This is essentially what Grabis argued, in a motion filed last January. He named Navient, Lafayette College, the U.S. Department of Education, Joe Biden, his own exasperated judge, and a host of other “unknown co-perpetrators” as part of a scheme against him, claiming the entirety of America’s higher education business had become an illegal moneymaking scam.

“They created a fraud,” he says flatly.

…

Grabis doesn’t have a lawyer, his case has been going on for the better part of six years, and at first blush, his argument sounds like a Hail Mary from a desperate debtor. The only catch is, he might be right.

By any metric, something unnatural is going on in the education business. While other industries in America suffered declines thanks to financial crises, increased exposure to foreign competition, and other factors, higher education has grown suspiciously fat in the last half-century. Tuition costs are up 100% at universities over and above inflation since 2000, despite the 2008 crash, with some schools jacking up prices at three, four times the rate of inflation dating back to the seventies.

Bloat at the administrative level makes the average university look like a parody of an NFL team, where every brain-dead cousin to the owner gets on the payroll. According to Education Week, “fundraisers, financial aid advisers, global recruitment staff, and many others grew by 60 percent between 1993 and 2009,” which is ten times the rate of growth for tenured faculty positions.

…

Hovering over all this is a fact not generally known to the public: many American universities, even ones claiming to be broke, are sitting atop mountains of reserve cash. In 2013, after the University of Wisconsin blamed post-crash troubles for raising tuition 5.5%, UW system president Kevin Reilly in 2013 admitted that the school actually held $638 million in reserve, separate and distinct from the school endowment. Moreover, Reilly said, other big schools were doing the same thing. UW’s reserve was 25% of its operating budget, for instance, but the University of Minnesota’s was 29%, while Illinois maintained a whopping 34% buffer.

When Alan Collinge of Student Loan Justice looked into it, he found many other schools were sitting atop mass reserves even as they pleaded poverty to raise tuition rates. “They’re all doing it,” he said.

In the mortgage bubble that led to the 2008 crash, financiers siphoned fortunes off home loans that were unlikely to be repaid. Student loans are the same game, but worse. All the key players get richer as that $1.7 trillion pile of debt expands, and the fact that everyone knows huge percentages of student borrowers will never pay is immaterial. More campus palaces get built, more administrators get added to payrolls, and perhaps most importantly, the list of assets grows for financial companies, whether or not the loans perform.

…

“As long as it’s collateralized at Navient, they can borrow against that,” Smith says. “They say, ‘Look, we've got $3 billion in assets, which are just consumer loans in negative amortization that are not being repaid, but are being artificially kept out of default so Navient can borrow against that from other banks.

“When I realized that, I was like, ‘Oh, my god. They’re happy that the loans are growing instead of being repaid, because it gives them more collateral to borrow against.’” Smith’s comments echo complaints made by virtually every student borrower in trouble I’ve ever interviewed: lenders are not motivated to reduce the size of balances by actually getting paid. Instead, the game is about keeping loans alive and endlessly growing the balance, through new fees, penalties, etc.

There are two ways of approaching reform of the system. One is the Bernie Sanders route, which would involve debt forgiveness and free higher education. A market-based approach meanwhile dreams of reintroducing discipline into student lending; if students could default, schools couldn’t endlessly raise costs on the back of unlimited government-backed credit.

Which idea is more correct can be debated, but the one thing we know for sure is that the current system is the worst of both worlds, enriching all the most undeserving actors, and hitting that increasingly prevalent policy sweet spot of privatized profit and socialized risk. Whether it gets blown up in bankruptcy courts or simply collapses eventually under its own financial weight — there’s an argument that the market will be massively disrupted if and when the administration ends the Covid-19 deferment of student loan payments — the lie can’t go on much longer.

“It’s just obvious that this has become a printing money operation,” says Grabis. “The colleges charge whatever they want, then they go to the government and continuously increase the size of the loans.” If you’re on the inside, that’s a beautiful thing. What about for everyone else?

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21

Greetings all! I hope you guys are having a good day and if not, I hope it gets better for you. Today is a bittersweet day for me. I gave Ellie July 17th as her birthday in honor of my grandma, who passed away in 2016, a couple days after I started writing the Chris and Ellie series. My grandma would have been 92 today. ❤

My grandma always encouraged me to do what I love and I love to write, so I do. And I love sharing what I’ve written with you guys. So thank you for allowing me to share this little world I have created with all of you guys. And thank you all for reading.

xo Becca xo

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: The lead up to Ellie's birthday and the surprise that Scott has planned for her.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 20.5

Episode 21: Birthday Confessions

July 2014

Music flowed through the speakers as Ellie merged off the freeway and onto the exit for LAX.

"I don't have to go, you know," Scott said as he looked over at her.

"Yes, you do," Ellie replied, glancing at him. "You're in a wedding and your family has been looking forward to seeing you."

"I just don't like the idea of you all alone," Scott admitted. He knew she had come a long way in the weeks since she'd started opening up about what had happened between her and Chris, but he hated leaving her there alone.

"I'll be fine," Ellie assured him with more confidence than she actually felt. She hadn't been by herself in the house since December and that felt like a lifetime ago. If she was being honest with herself, she'd never really liked being in the big house when it was empty, but now it was filled with memories she didn't want to revisit.

"Thanks for driving me," Scott said as Ellie navigated the departures drop off area.

"It was the only way for me to ensure you'd get on the plane," Ellie replied in a joking manner as she pulled over in front of the designated area for the airline he was flying.

Scott gave a mumbled 'ha' before he leaned over and gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. Then he got out of the car and went back to the trunk to get his suitcase. He gave her another wave before he disappeared into the steady stream of people going into the airport.

Not ready to go home yet, Ellie ran a few errands before she made her way back to Chris's house. She parked her car in the garage and then made her way inside.

With no desire to hang out in the big house, she quickly made her way through the kitchen and out the backdoor. Using the patio off the kitchen and the steps down to the pool deck took longer than going out the door through the basement, but she didn't like going down to that room if she didn't have to.

Once inside the guesthouse, Ellie let Daisy out of her kennel and then sat down on her bed to check her email. She'd finished editing a book a couple weeks ago for a new author and was waiting for her next assignment. Instead of finding a new manuscript to read, she found an email saying that one of her main authors would have one ready for her soon, so they were keeping her schedule open.

After replying to the email, Ellie closed her laptop and leaned back against the pillows on her bed with a sigh. She had been hoping to distract herself with a new manuscript while Scott was gone, but now that wasn't an option. She'd already picked up a few extra shifts at the bookstore, helping people who wanted to take days off, but picking up seemed better than staying at Chris's more than necessary.

Picking up her phone, she sent a couple texts, seeing if anyone wanted to hang out that night. Unfortunately, no one was available, but she was able to make plans for other nights during the week when she wasn't working. Including accepting a couple invitations for the Fourth of July.

Thus, the first week Scott was gone went by in a breeze. She worked on the second and went to a movie with some friends after work on the third. Then she spent the morning of the fourth with her cousin and the late afternoon and evening with Pierre and some of his friends. She picked up another shift on Saturday and then spent Sunday with her cousin's family, not wanting to spend the whole day alone at Chris's house.

"You've had a busy week," Pierre reflected after she'd told him all about it during dinner at his condo during the second week. In fact, he'd already known how busy she was keeping herself, thanks to a group chat he'd found himself part of with her sisters, cousin and Scott. He wasn't convinced it was a good idea to have such a chat, but it made the others feel better.

"It feels good to be busy," Ellie said with a shrug before muttering, "Better than staying alone in the house, anyway."

Whether or not she wanted him to hear the last part, he had, and he realized her sisters were right to raise concern over her sudden shift in personality. Ellie, they had explained to him, was a homebody by nature. A trait she'd shared with Chris, Scott had told him privately.

"What's wrong with staying at home?" he asked, cautiously.

Ellie sighed and shoved her food around on her plate before looking up. "Other than that it's Chris's house and I'm just a house guest?" she asked.

She sounded snarky, but he sensed that she was trying to mask her true feelings. Instead of prying, he waited her out. They'd been friends for nearly two months and he'd learned quickly that she liked to process her thoughts before she could speak them aloud.

"It's the memories," she finally admitted. "There's nowhere in the house that I can go that doesn't have a million memories flooding back to my brain of happier times. Not even the guesthouse is memory free, but there, with my things, I can push him out. That isn't possible in the rest of the house though. He's fucking everywhere."

Pierre nodded consolingly. He'd been through many a breakup, but only one that had left him in a house full of memories. Of course, he'd had to suffer through the rest of his lease before he'd been able to move. But moving to this condo had been a fresh start.

"And I'm crying again," she said in an exasperated tone as she brushed away the tears. "I told myself that I'd cried enough over this whole situation." 

Pierre stood up and grabbed a box of tissues off the kitchen counter and brought them back to the table. Instead of sitting back down across from her, he took the seat next to her. He handed her a tissue and she gave him a weak smile before blotting the tears.

"Obviously, I don't know your financial situation or what your agreement is with Scott's mom regarding room and board, but have you thought about moving out?" he asked Ellie.

Ellie shook her head. "I hadn't gotten that far yet," she admitted. "Chris is gone for another few months and technically, living there when he isn't there is what I'm paid to do."

"Think about it," Pierre encouraged her. "It might be the next step you have to take."

The idea of finding her own place stayed at the forefront of Ellie's mind in the days that followed, but it wasn't until a night where she had nothing to do but sit in the guesthouse that she did anything about it. She went back to the links she'd found in her early days of living in the Los Angeles area and looked for availabilities within her price range. There were a few of them, but none in areas that she'd feel comfortable living by herself in.

Unlike the last time she'd been hunting for an apartment, she wasn't tied down to a specific part of town because of a job. Nor was she as strapped for cash as she had been. Thanks to the added income of editing manuscripts and not having to pay rent, she had managed to pay down a lot of her debt with the money that Chris's mom had paid her.

Despite having a wider area to search for a place to live, Ellie found herself struggling to find anything less than $1,000 a month that allowed dogs. Frustrated, she closed her laptop and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Which only served to remind her that in addition to finding a place to live, she'd have to buy furniture as well as she didn't have any.

"We'll find a place, Daisy," she said, scratching her dog's head. "I don't know where yet, but we'll find a place."

By the time Scott returned from the east coast, a few days later, she'd sent off applications for a couple of apartments an hour or so away, but both had come back saying she'd been added to a waiting list for an apartment. She considered telling Scott that she was thinking about moving out but decided against it. She knew he was still worried about her with everything that had happened and she didn't want to worry him more than she had to.

"You're a doll for picking me up," Scott said once he was in the car and she had merged into the traffic leaving LAX.

"Gave me an excuse to get out of the house," Ellie replied before mentally kicking herself. "Daisy and I spent yesterday lounging by the pool."

Scott lowered his sunglasses and raised his eyebrows. "Under an umbrella?" he asked, seeing that her skin, while glowing, was still barely tan.

"And wearing lots of SPF," she replied with a laugh. "How was Massachusetts and the wedding?"

"The wedding was beautiful," Scott stated before going into a full rundown of the wedding. Followed by an elaborate explanation of his family's Fourth of July party and what he had done with his family while he'd been home.

"Sounds like you had a blast," Ellie said with a smile.

"Oh, I did, but it's nice to come home to some quiet," he replied and then smiled. "But don't worry. It won't be too quiet, after all, we both know what's happening on Thursday."

"I know my birthday is on Thursday," Ellie said, cautiously as she glanced at him. He wore a big smile on his face. "Scott Evans, what have you done?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," he replied, then mimed zipping his lips closed, locking them and throwing away the key.

He remained annoyingly tight lipped over the next few days, which put her slightly on edge because she had no idea what he had up his sleeve. She knew the two of them had two very different types of fun; she liked to stay home and play games while he liked to go out and dance.

Thursday morning, Ellie came up to the big house to find a cinnamon roll in a pastry box for her on the kitchen counter along with a note from Scott.

Izzy told me that you guys always had cinnamon rolls for breakfast whenever someone in the family had a birthday when you were growing up. I didn't make it (that would have been a disaster) but enjoy!

She cut the large cinnamon roll in half and ate half of it, then took the other half back to the guesthouse with her, to take to work. Once Daisy was settled in her kennel, Ellie grabbed her stuff and left for work.

The sense of relief that came over her as she drove away from the house was only more confirmation that it was time for her to move out.

Later, during her lunch break, she looked for apartments again and, after failing to find much in the Los Angeles area, decided to try looking in Oregon. She hated the idea of leaving LA and her friends, but the truth was she could live anywhere and still do her editing. 

————— 

“She’s coming!” Scott called as he ran down the stairs. "Everyone get away from the window!"

He heard her sisters scrambling into spots that couldn't be seen from the window as he made his way to the main floor. Hearing the garage door opening, he made his way down the hall to the kitchen and was waiting there when Ellie came into the house.

"Hey there, birthday girl!" he greeted her with a big grin. "I noticed you didn't leave me a piece of the cinnamon roll."

"You're damn right I didn't," Ellie replied with a tired smile.

"Before you go to your room, can you come look at something in the living room for me?" he asked.

"I have a call with my sisters in like ten minutes," she told him, glancing at the clock on the stove.

"It'll be fast, promise," Scott insisted. "Like a minute tops."

Sighing, Ellie put her stuff down on the counter and then followed him down the hall to the living room. "So what am I -" she started to ask, but shut her mouth when she saw her sisters sitting casually in the room.

She stared in disbelief as tears began to well up in her eyes. She felt Scott nudge her from behind, encouraging her to go to her sisters.

"Happy Birthday, El," Izzy said, reaching her first. She wrapped her around Ellie and hugged her tight.

"I'm happy you guys are here," Ellie said, through her tears. "But what are you doing here?"

"You didn't think we were going to make you celebrate all by yourself, did you?" her youngest sister, Riley, asked with a grin as she gave Ellie a hug. "We were here last year, too. This year we just brought Sydney with us."

"I'm here to make sure those two don't get too wild," Sydney said, jokingly as she gave Ellie a hug. "And to make sure we do things you like to do for your birthday weekend."

"Birthday weekend?" Ellie repeated. Then she saw Scott lingering in the doorway. "This is what you've been planning all week, isn't it?"

"Part of it anyway," Scott replied with a grin. "I'll let them tell you the rest."

"You're the best," Ellie told him. She reached her hand out to him and he took it, squeezing it. "What is the rest?"

"Our gift to you is a weekend getaway at a beach house about an hour from here," Sydney told her. "The five of us and Pierre, but he'll be coming tomorrow after work."

"When are we going?" Ellie asked.

"As soon as you can pack a bag," Izzy told her. 

"What about Daisy?" Ellie asked, only then spotting her dog curled up in her favorite chair in the corner.

"She's coming with us," Scott replied. "I've already packed her stuff."

"Thanks," Ellie said, smiling at him. "What do I need to bring?"

"I'll h-" Izzy and Riley started, but Sydney stepped forward and took Ellie's hand before saying, "I'll help you pack."

"Thank you," Ellie muttered under her breath as she and Sydney made their way to the guest house.

Twenty minutes later, she and Sydney came back into the main house, locking doors as they passed them. They followed the voices out to the garage and found Scott and Izzy loading things into his car while Riley played with Daisy.

"Isn't someone driving with Scott?" Ellie asked as Izzy took her bag and put it in the backseat.

"Daisy is going to be my copilot," Scott told her

"Are you sure?" Ellie asked him. "I can ride with you."

"Nah, you ride with your sisters, Daisy and I will be fine," Scott assured her. "Besides, she doesn't try to change the music like some people I know." He gave her a pointed look.

"I would be offended except you do the same thing to me when I'm driving you," Ellie retorted before maturely sticking her tongue out at him.

"Very mature for a 29-year-old," Scott commented.

"Let's get on the road, shall we?" Sydney interrupted in a mom tone.

"You guys head out, I'll do a quick check around the house to lock it up and then Daisy and I will follow," Scott offered.

"Shotgun!" Riley shouted out.

"It's Ellie's birthday, Riles," Izzy said, shaking her head. "The birthday person always gets the front seat."

"Fine," Riley sighed. "Let's go."

Thanks to traffic, the drive took longer than an hour, but Ellie didn't mind. It had been a long time since she'd gone anywhere with just her sisters and it was just like old times. Telling stories, laughing, and talking over each other as Sydney drove.

The beach house was down the street from the beach, rather than oceanfront, but they could see the ocean from the balcony off the largest of the three bedrooms. The house had a Mediterranean feel to it in its design and decor. The first floor had the smaller of the three bedrooms rooms, a half bath and an open concept living, dining and kitchen. The second floor had a full bathroom and two bedrooms, the largest of the two having two queen sized beds in it. The best part of the house, though, was the backyard that looked like it belonged in Italy instead of Southern California.

By the time Scott got to the house with Daisy, the sisters had unloaded the few things that had been in the trunk of Ellie's car and had ordered takeout from a nearby restaurant. They helped him unload his car, putting their luggage in the bedroom with the two queen sized beds, leaving the other two rooms for Scott and Pierre.

Then they all headed outside to relax on the back porch while they waited for their dinner to be delivered. Sydney poured everyone drinks, except for herself, a fact that her sisters quickly noticed.

"Are you pregnant?!" Riley demanded.

The corner of Sydney's mouth twitched, but she nodded. "I didn't want to say anything tonight, because it's Ellie's birthday, but -"

"Shut up," Ellie said laughing as she gave her sister a hug. "It's the best birthday present you could give me!"

Hearing the doorbell ring, Scott went to answer it, leaving the sisters to celebrate. Knowing the sisters had already paid for the meal, he gave the delivery person a cash tip, thanked them and closed the door.

As he carried the food back to the girls, he paused when he heard Ellie say: "I have some news myself."

Given what her sister had just announced, he froze, his mind instantly going to the idea that she might be pregnant with Chris's baby.

"Relax, I'm not pregnant," Ellie said with a nervous laugh.

"Fucking hell, Ellie," Izzy said in a relieved tone that matched how Scott was feeling. "Don't scare us like that."

"What's your news, Ellie?" Sydney asked, drawing everyone's attention back to Ellie.

"I'm going to move out of Chris's house," Ellie announced. "I don't feel comfortable there anymore. In fact, I hate being there by myself."

Scott could tell that she was holding something back and so could her sisters, because Riley called her out on it.

"What aren't you telling us?" Riley asked.

"I'm having a hard time finding a place here that I can afford," Ellie replied, her voice trailing off. "So I might be moving home. Want a roommate, Riles?"

Scott felt his stomach drop. He didn't want Ellie to go back to Oregon.

"I thought you were saving money," Sydney said, snapping into the protective older sister/mothering older sister mode.

Scott smirked. Her sisters had this.

"I paid off a lot of things," Ellie replied. "And I have some savings, but…"

Scott heard her sigh.

"After everything with Chris went downhill, I haven't felt right accepting the money that Lisa has been paying me," she confessed to her sisters. "I've been donating my paychecks to a non-profit organization that provides books to underprivileged kids in the LA area. It seemed fitting since she and I met at the bookstore."

"Oh Ellie," Sydney said, the tone not one of scolding but of compassion.

Backing up, Scott decided to put dinner on the dining room table and get dishes out so they could serve themselves in the house. Allowing the sisters and himself time to process Ellie's confession. All of them.

He hated the idea of her moving period, but especially the idea of her moving to another state. The paycheck donation was a whole different situation, one that he wasn't fully capable of processing just yet. Obviously, there was guilt on Ellie's part, but for what? Taking advantage of his mom's trust by boinking Chris? His mom liked Ellie and she would have loved holding the fact that she'd picked Chris's wife over his head.

Scott shook his head and sighed. Hearing footsteps, he looked up and saw Riley in the doorway. "I was just going to call you guys in," he told her, gesturing to the food that he'd laid out.

"Awesome, I'll get the others," Riley replied before disappearing outside again.

One thing he knew for sure was that if his mom ever found out that Ellie had donated her paychecks because Chris was a dumbass, Scott would pay top dollar to witness that confrontation.

He was still smirking to himself when the sisters filed in. He let them go first and then dished himself a plate of food.

No one said a word about Ellie's possible move until they were all seated at the table outside.

"For the record, I think you moving back to Oregon is a bad idea," Riley stated, looking at her older sister. "I've never seen you run away from your problems in my entire life. Never mind the fact that everyone will wonder why you left California. And you know how our family talks, it will be all over town within five days of you stepping foot on mom and dad's farm. We won't talk, but you know how they are, they'll figure it out. They always do."

Scott picked up his drink and took a sip, hiding his smile. Ellie was stubborn, but her sisters wouldn't let her do anything stupid. And neither would he. He was going to do everything in his power to get her to stay in LA.

Episode 21.5

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

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[kerice]

Painful Memories...

I came across some old photos. Some of my wedding. I can look at these pictures now with less emotion. There is sadness but I really can’t identify with that person in the photo anymore. Does this mean I have detached myself? I remember being there. Have I healed from the wounds that are still painful to mention? This day, more than 17 years ago, was a start of a major trial in my life. Having the courage to work through the pain of recovery has helped give me the drive and tenacity to overcome financial debt and to succeed in school. 

My academic journey started back in 1996, academic achievement did not come easy to me in high school, but I wanted to get a good job, so a few years after high school I started classes at Seattle Central College, in Seattle Washington. I then had a child at age 25 and I became a single mom. I am always inspired by women who say that without hesitation, trepidation or feeling less than women who have a partner. When my son was about three years old, I transferred to Bellevue College. They had a work study program where I could work at the school daycare (where my son was) and also work on my career goals, while having my son close. Due to the early birth of my second son on Nov. 27th, I was unable to finish my last two weeks of course work in the fall of 2003. As a result, I received a failed grade in my personal enrichment courses of French 201 and Algebra II. However my GPA for my science classes were within the range they needed to be. But, even so, I had to quit my job and dropped out of college since my son was born two weeks before the final exams. 

On the day of the wedding, It was a beautiful, warm day in September 2004, I remember, the kids were dancing and laughing, the lakeside property was gorgeous. I remember my family and friends being around me, it felt like a different life. I don’t like going back in my thoughts. The pain of those memories has become less as time’s gone on. To go from such a happy day celebrating with the person I wanted to live my life with to days later, almost losing my life to this person. This is a story, no one wants to tell. Four days after my wedding, I was a victim of a road rage incident, where I was physically assaulted and (along with my infant son) nearly killed. My husband of four days was charged with reckless endangerment and assault and then arrested. A passerby had seen the incident and called 911. I still can’t believe this happened to me. He never apologized for what he had put us through, we never saw him again except at a distance. I then started therapy for the physical pain that was inflicted on me, the emotional pain would be a much longer process of healing.

When you go through the family court system and testify in front of everyone, what you go through, it is very difficult. After the shock wears off, the shame sets in, it’s hard to talk about. They (the court advocates) encourage you to talk, saying that it saves lives. I felt lost and defeated. I was forced to go through court ordered therapy, which I knew, any invasive findings would be broadcast in court. I had to acknowledge other incidences of abuse that led up to the escalation to the road rage. I was faced with the reality of my own denial of what was happening to me. The excuses I would make to myself. He was just stressed out. Maybe it was a psychotic break? I couldn’t be objective or logical enough to begin to imagine why someone would do such things to a person they profess to love. I didn’t want a stomach ulcer on top of everything else. I was able to get a pro bono attorney for the first trial.  But after my ex-husband went to domestic violence treatment, there was a new trial. This was because, where there is “abusive use of conflict,” the courts don’t allow mediation to settle parenting plans. This put me in financial peril, and I have struggled financially  ever since. 

It’s been many years since the assault and arrest. I was vilified and blamed for what caused our separation to our community and friends. According to his account, it was all an exaggeration, a misunderstanding. I heard him say in court that I was crazy, emotionally unbalanced. Especially during the child custody proceedings. I was so afraid of him and what he would do to me. I couldn’t even comprehend fully what he was doing, who he even was. Was he my enemy now? He blamed me for getting him arrested, even though I had not been the one who called the police, but an anonymous stranger did! I felt alone, scared, traumatized. I hated having to go through the court hearings and hear the venomous words coming from him and his attorney. It made me feel crazy, out of my mind. I had to get away, I saw him everywhere, I was always looking over my shoulder. Sudden movements would make me jump. Flashes of the trauma would enter my mind. While driving my car, when I would see brake lights I would tense up and my heart would skip a beat. How could I even co-parent with this person? My Post Traumatic Stress was keeping me from moving beyond what happened to me, keeping me from moving forward. But I knew I had to somehow keep it together and be strong for my children. 

After the divorce, I was given permission to move out of state. In 2007, my brother, who lived in Northern Kentucky, offered me a job. Because of this, I was able to move out of state with my children. I am so grateful to my brother for his help in this transition. During this time, my father had entered retirement from the military out on the west coast. He and my mother were planning on moving to Cincinnati to help my brother with his business. The timing of the move was good since we would be able to have the support of my family, during this time of healing and transition. Upon my move, my ex was continuing to file motions at the Seattle court house. I had to hire an attorney, from out of state, to represent me and to respond to every motion filed. Within 5 years, he filed 12 motions that were all dismissed for lack of credibility. Even though he was ordered to pay my attorney’s fees, these orders were not enforced, therefore leading me to incur much debt over the years. With the two divorce trials costing $40,000 and the additional $10,000, my finances were in trouble. I had to ask my parents for help with these huge costs. Two years after the divorce, he stopped paying child support and my daycare costs exceeded $6,000. I had to ask my parents for help with the kids, which allowed me to work more hours to pay my debts. I have been used to working two or sometimes three jobs to get a handle on my finances. In 2015 I was able to receive vocational training so I could earn more per hour. 

I am a single parent living in the Cincinnati area for almost 14 years now. After much healing and hard work, I am anxious to continue my academic career goals. I am the proud parent of two well-adjusted young adults and I’ve had much experience juggling work, school and parenting. I also became the caretaker of my grandmother the last year of her life. In which I moved her into my home with my two children. During this time, as I partnered with the hospice care staff, I assisted in many nursing responsibilities. Reflecting back on this now, I feel that nursing is the field I belong in. During my time in Cosmetology school, I took on another caretaking job. I did this while managing my other full-time job. Then in 2018, I enrolled in an accelerated program at the Cincinnati School of Medical Massage. Where we had rigorous course work in A&P and Pathology. I also became a personal care assistant in 2018. I also currently work as a licensed Cosmetologist and LMT, as well as an STNA. 

I am happy to say that my domestic partner and fiancé is supportive of my desire to finish my nursing education. Over time I had developed a tougher exterior, not able to readily identify with my feelings. I was so guarded, out of necessity. An armor of survival. I find it more difficult to make friends, especially deep friendships that take invested time and effort. Letting people in feels too high of a risk at times, as the emotional scars surface. Where I attended massage school, they taught us what it means to be “semi-permeable.” The idea of boundary lines that define your personal space and the space for the client. If you are too closed off, then you won’t be able to tune into anyone else’s needs. This was a wonderful exercise for me in many ways. It’s helped me in my relationship with my children as well. In the past, I’ve heard awful comments directed towards me, anywhere from saying that I am a bad mother, to questions like, why didn’t I just get an abortion. Being on the other end of the parenthood journey, with my kids entering the adult world, I would say it was worth the pain, the struggle. We persevered, we are all tough as nails, I can see it from the work ethic my kids have. Even in the most ideal circumstances, children can still have issues. But seeing the love for me in their eyes is very moving. Watching them run around, playing and laughing is like watching my heart dancing outside of me. I wish that some things had been different for them. But through the struggle, we established a strong bond, which I believe will last for years to come. I don’t know who made this quote but it sums up so much. “A son makes love stronger, days shorter, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.” 

This trial has taught me to not be too quick to dismiss the notion that real love does heal our wounds. In my younger years I would have thought of that notion too trite. Having my children with me in my life has given me profound purpose and meaning. As small children, they looked to me as their constant, their calming force. They were my purpose for staying strong, stoic, steady. When they were little and even now, I give them my continued support. Also, it took me years of being single to allow myself to fall in love again. I feel thankful to my family and to my God that I have another chance at a lifetime partnership. So much healing has taken place but the memories in the emotions are still there. The muscle memories within the physical scars, are still there.

I see what those court advocate where talking about, all those years ago. I have come through the pain of a trial that allows me to empathize with the profound pain of others. Sharing my pain can save lives, or at least meeting others at their depths, so they feel less alone. Not that I have the answers, only the experience in the struggle to survive. I believe now, as a nurse (or soon to be) I can come along side someone and show them I understand what it’s like to be in pain. I can better understand where they’re at because of what I’ve been through. Not everyone is ready to hear a story like mine. A lot of times i get the, “ wide eyed, gaping mouth” reaction. But sometimes I meet someone who says, that it was what they needed to hear. It gives them the courage to set out on their own journey of survival. To start fresh, to start over if that’s what is necessary to start the healing process. As a massage therapist I deal with people and their physical pain all the time. I build care plans around strategies to begin the healing process. Many times, the physical pain is locked up with emotional pain underneath. I understand this, as I am there with them, letting them cry through their trauma. It’s a process that I feel privileged using my skills and abilities to aid in the healing.

[thelovelylolly]

Chapter 8 - The Trip

Summary : You finally arrive to Paris and for some reason, Greef texts you.

Warnings : None :)

Notes : This was probably one of the easiest chapters I’ve written lol. I also originally planned to have Cara Dune in this chapter but decided to cut her out. Anyway, enjoy!

The day before your flight, your dad drove out to help you with packing or anything. He didn’t specify when he called you. But you were excited to see him and gladly accepted the help. Your mom was too busy to drive out with your dad but she made sure to call you to tell you how proud she was. 

When your dad arrived at your apartment, he quickly took note of how messy it was. Your excuse was you were busy preparing for Paris. You brought him to your boutique and with the help of him and some of your employees, you all safely packed away your Paris designs. The line was inspired by art and culture from the Renaissance period in Europe and ancient Greece. Everything was so nice and you would throw yourself into the sun if even the tiniest thing happened to the pieces. You were so proud. Your dad was so confused. “These pieces are my babies, dad! You’d understand,” you had argued. Your dad simply laughed and patted you on your shoulder.

After that, he took you to dinner where the two of you caught up and talked. You hadn’t seen him in a while so it was nice to talk to him face to face for once. But you left out one major part of your recent life.

Din.

Your dad wasn’t a protective type, trusting you to do the right thing and he was sweet when you accidentally slipped up. You didn’t want him to know about Din. You weren’t sure how you felt about the entire situation, other than you’d have to resolve sometime after your trip, so why should your dad have to worry about it? 

After a filling and talkative dinner, you walked around New York City for a little bit with your dad before returning to your apartment. He only packed for one night so he didn’t have a lot of things to unpack from his car. Your dad made sure you went to bed early since you had a 8:30 a.m. flight the next day. 

The next day, your dad made you your favorite breakfast as you got ready and finished packing your personal bags. It was a quick breakfast since you woke up a little late. He put his bags in the backseat of his cars and since you had more baggage, it all went into the trunk. Along with helping you out with your fashion line, your dad was also there to drive you to the airport.

When you arrived, he pulled up to the drop off line. You two got out and he helped you pull all of your bags out of the trunk. You were having your clothing line shipped separately. After all your bags were ready to be rolled in on a cart, you hugged your dad tightly. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” your dad said while the two of you hugged.

“Thanks dad, if it wasn’t for you and mom, I wouldn’t be here,” you replied as you pulled away. 

“Wait, I want to take a picture for your mom. Go stand by your luggage,” your dad quickly said, fishing his phone out of his pocket. You giggled and took a few steps back so you were standing beside your luggage. He quickly snapped the picture. “Now go catch your flight, I don’t want you to be late,” he said.

“Okay, love you dad!” You said, walking towards the doors while pulling your luggage with you.

“I love you too, sweetie!” Your dad called after you.

The flight was uneventful yet long. It left you a bit jet lagged but you were lucky that you had to be there a few days before the eventful week. You got to explore a little bit of the city before the first event took place. It was a fashion show and you had to be there hours before the actual show happened. You had to make sure your clothes looked good on the models. You also had to make sure the makeup and hair went well with the outfits, then all the technology stuff. They let you have full creative control. 

All the energy you had throughout the day was gone by the time you got to your hotel room. You literally flopped onto your bed. You were gonna take a nap before dinner but your phone’s buzzing kept you from getting some sleep. You sat up and grabbed your phone, turning it on. “I swear, I’ll kill whoever is keeping me from sleeping-”

New Message from Greef Karga

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” you said to yourself. You tapped the message to open it.

‘Hey Y/N! How’s Paris been treating you?’ Greef had texted.

‘It’s been treating me well though I am tired.’ You replied. ‘I have a feeling you're texting me for another reason other than to ask me that.’

‘Dang, you caught me. I wanted to talk to you about Din.’

‘If you’re asking me if I talked to him yet, I haven’t. I don’t plan on talking to him until I get back home.’

‘If you promise to talk to him, I promise to pay off my debt.’

‘Deal, I promise to talk to him when I get back. Now let me sleep.’ You turned your phone off and laid on your side so you could get a nap in before going out for dinner.

Greef was still on his phone once his conversation with you was done. He started to text another person. ‘Din, I know you’ve left me on read the past few days but I want to talk to you about Y/N.’

Almost immediately three little dots showed up. ‘What about Y/N?’ Din replied.

‘She’s in Paris right now but I was wondering if you could do something for me.’

‘Uh okay? What do you need?’

‘I need you to talk to her. She told me about your fight and I’m trying to help you two fix it. I know you two are close and it’s hard to see you two be so stubborn.’

‘She hasn’t reached out to me and told me not to reach out to her, I don’t think I can talk to her.’

‘Who says you had to reach out to her?’

‘...Greef, what are you talking about?’

‘We can fly you out to Paris and you can surprise her! Then you two can talk everything out and maybe confess your feelings!’

‘I don’t want a relationship.’

‘Okay but at least go see her and talk to her.’

‘...fine. But if everything doesn’t work out, you have to pay for my flight back.’

‘Deal! I highly doubt things aren’t gonna work out, though.’

---------------------------------------------------------------

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[addieatkins]

I saw [ADELAIDE “ADDIE” WOLFE] at a coffee shop in [BROOKLYN] today. She is a [TWENTY-NINE] year old [B&B OWNER] who’s been in NYC for [TWO YEARS] now. Every time we run into each other, they are always [RESILIENT & ALLOCENTRIC] but I’ve heard people say they can also be [DECEITFUL & TACITURN]. [GROWING PAINS BY ALESSIA CARA] reminds me of them every time it comes on the radio.

tw: child neglect, arson.  // @villagestart​

hello fellow kids, i am g (aka the dumb dumb behind @soulcfaman​ here with another character nobody asked for. without further ado, i give you my sweet baby girl, addie:

H I S T O R Y

Adelaide Atkins Savoy is the daughter of Edward Atkins, an English salesman/conman and Ann Savoy, a French teacher that came from a (somewhat) noble family.

The Atkins family moved to Peachtree, Georgia from England when Addie was five years old after a business initiated by Edward, her father, went awry with the Savoys. Addie’s grandpa, who probably lost the most out of the business con but loved Addie to no end and wanted her grandkid to have a decent life, decided to fly the Atkin-Savoy family and bought them a wonderful, luxurious home on Addie’s name.

Her childhood was… an odd one, to say the least. Her parents still acted like they were part of the Savoy family while in Georgia (and with the housing/jobs Addie’s grandpa got them, there was no reason to doubt them) so they fit perfectly with Georgia’s finest, they were living a double life of sorts, socialités in debt who schemed their wealthiest friends without them knowing. Her parents promptly got Addie to work alongside them, either as a distraction or as an active asset in their plans and she couldn’t quite deny her skills to them alas, Addie did stuff she wasn’t proud of, illegal stuff she could get away with because no one suspected the little girl with the ponytails.

Edward Michael Atkins Savoy, Addie’s younger brother was born when Adelaide was around eleven. Ann lost interest on Eddie pretty quickly so Addie pretty much raised the kid as well as she could after she turned thirteen. The two formed an unbreakable bond very quickly.

She learned many skills during her time with her parents: pick locking, html, pickpocketing, boxing, sewing (which served the young woman well when her parents decided to stop buying their kids clothes and she started making them for the two of them instead), whatever her parents required of her and whatever she could learn to make sure her brother was well taken care of, she’d learn.

CHILD NEGLECT TW The worst instance of their parents neglecting both Addie and Eddie happened right after Eddie turned five. Their friends found out about how the couple had played them and the Atkins family lost all respect within the community, so they quickly started to go in debt with banks and strangers to try to live the life Ann and Edward were so used to. By this time, the matrimony had mostly forgotten their kids to the point where they stopped providing for them unless they needed Adelaide for some job, so it was all Addie’s responsibility to not only care for her brother but her parents somehow. She started working (an honest job) when she was fourteen and never truly stopped.

ARSON TW when Addie was seventeen, one year from graduating high school Edward and Ann made a decision: they needed money to pay off credit debts and alas, they needed to burn down the house the Savoys had bought for the family because they needed the insurance money. Addie started to storage as many stuff as she could when she was informed of what was going to happen (was guilt-tripped into staying silent) and the night her parents actually burnt the house down, Addie grabbed Eddie, everything she had gathered, a car a friend had lend to her and flee Peachtree, the two siblings didn’t look back. Adelaide didn’t finish High School.

After the two siblings escaped Peachtree, they situated in New Orleans for about a year, where Addie worked around two, three jobs in order to take care of herself and Eddie. No longer after a friend encouraged her to give her testimony (and all the proof she had gathered that backed up the claim that the fire had been premeditated) and she put her parents in jail for arson and child neglect, gaining her brother’s full custody and whatever money was left from the insurance payment.

By Eddie’s request, the two siblings moved to California in 2011 where she met a young musician called Dillon Wolfe. The couple fell in love shortly after. Six years later, they were getting married, Eddie being the person walking Adelaide down the aisle.

The little Wolfe-Atkins family moved to New York in 2018.

After working as a waitress/bartender/cook/whatever she could get to make a living for her and Eddie throughout her life, Addie got a letter from the Savoy family one day with the news that her grandfather had died and had left behind a trust fund for her, enough money for the two siblings to live off comfortably for the rest of their lives. However, the oldest decided to only use enough to buy a nice house for the two of them and to open a modest, lovely b&b, their major source of income and save the rest as the family wasn’t in dire need for money anymore.

She and Eddy don’t really talk about their past a lot, unless any of the parts truly trust the person they tell their story to.

p e r s o n a l i t y

Most days, Addie is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, the kind of girl who smiles at everyone she meets and greets strangers with a smile on the daily. She likes making people around her happy. She thrives when people around her shine.

However, she can be very closed off and go as far as to be very deceitful? I mean, she is sharp, even though people don’t think she is because they write her off as a “southern belle” type, but what most people don’t know is she can be cunning whenever she sets her mind on it, she learned from a very young age how to take advantage of everything she had to get what she had her mind settled on.

The one thing she cares the most about in the world is her brother, Eddie. The boy is pretty much her own and has been since the day he was born, she would stop at nothing to make sure he is fine and he is happy.

Her hobbies include painting and sculpting (which she makes some money off of), gardening (the Atkins sibling’s home is a glorified zen garden by now) and designing (she sometimes uses this skill to make clothes for selling to friends and acquaintances).

Loyal to no end, good god. It takes a lot for her to feel comfortable with someone to call them her friend but once she does, she is the most loyal friend. Also the mom friend, no matter how close you are. If it’s even a little bit chilly outside and she sees a stranger shivering she WILL give them her sweater, has medicine and candy on her at all times.

She can be quite impetuous and extremely curious to the verge of being noisy, but never in a malicious way, unless you mess with someone she cares about.

Whatever you throw her way, she’ll land on her feet.

P L O T S

Best friend: Either the best friend who help the Atkins while the lived in Georgia (preferably) or a new friendship they’ve built in the years they’ve been in New york Addie would be nothing without this person. She trusts them more than her own shadow and would kill for them in a heartbeat.

Foreign cousins: Maybe someone seeking vengeance because of what Addie’s father did to the family? Maybe they don’t even know they are related, everyone loves having someone you can tell “well, now i know where the craziness comes from”.

Muse: Whenever she’s stressed or just… inspiration strikes, Addie calls this person to either use them as a model or a canvass. She has every line of their body engraved on her memory and she still finds them fascinating and could spend hours painting them. We can discuss what shape this plot could potentially take.

People she works for: Either her art or the clothes she makes, I’d love to write about any of those.

Friends, enemies, neighbours… just love my baby, she and Eddie will love you back!

so if you read that whole mess ily sm <3 if you wanna plot w/ us please shmash that lke button and i’ll come to you at some point of the day when i don’t feel like crying because everything.hurts. (i’m v sick. like... dehydrated type of sick BUT I’M TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT THAT RN)

[addiewolfe]

Have you seen ADELAIDE 'ADDIE' WOLFE ? This TWENTY-NINE year old is a B&B OWNER who resides in BROOKLYN. SHE has been living in NYC for TWO YEARS, and is known to be RESILIENT and ALLOCENTRIC, but can also be DECEITFUL and TACITURN, if you cross them. People tend to associate them with PAINT-STAINED OVERALLS and OLD AND RUSTY SEWING MACHINES.

tw: child neglect, arson. // @codstarters​​

hello fellow children, here’s g with yet another character for y’all: soft and nice edition. i am here to introduce you all to my pride and joy, adelaide:

H I S T O R Y

Adelaide Atkins Savoy is the daughter of Edward Atkins, an English salesman/conman and Ann Savoy, a French teacher that came from a (somewhat) noble family.

The Atkins family moved to Peachtree, Georgia from England when Addie was five years old after a business initiated by Edward, her father, went awry with the Savoys. Addie’s grandpa, who probably lost the most out of the business con but loved Addie to no end and wanted her grandkid to have a decent life, decided to fly the Atkin-Savoy family and bought them a wonderful, luxurious home on Addie’s name.

Her childhood was… an odd one, to say the least. Her parents still acted like they were part of the Savoy family while in Georgia (and with the housing/jobs Addie’s grandpa got them, there was no reason to doubt them) so they fit perfectly with Georgia’s finest, they were living a double life of sorts, socialités in debt who schemed their wealthiest friends without them knowing. Her parents promptly got Addie to work alongside them, either as a distraction or as an active asset in their plans and she couldn’t quite deny her skills to them alas, Addie did stuff she wasn’t proud of, illegal stuff she could get away with because no one suspected the little girl with the ponytails.

Edward Michael Atkins Savoy, Addie’s younger brother was born when Adelaide was around eleven. Ann lost interest on Eddie pretty quickly so Addie pretty much raised the kid as well as she could after she turned thirteen. The two formed an unbreakable bond very quickly.

She learned many skills during her time with her parents: pick locking, html, pickpocketing, boxing, sewing (which served the young woman well when her parents decided to stop buying their kids clothes and she started making them for the two of them instead), whatever her parents required of her and whatever she could learn to make sure her brother was well taken care of, she’d learn.

CHILD NEGLECT TW The worst instance of their parents neglecting both Addie and Eddie happened right after Eddie turned five. Their friends found out about how the couple had played them and the Atkins family lost all respect within the community, so they quickly started to go in debt with banks and strangers to try to live the life Ann and Edward were so used to. By this time, the matrimony had mostly forgotten their kids to the point where they stopped providing for them unless they needed Adelaide for some job, so it was all Addie’s responsibility to not only care for her brother but her parents somehow. She started working (an honest job) when she was fourteen and never truly stopped.

ARSON TW when Addie was seventeen, one year from graduating high school Edward and Ann made a decision: they needed money to pay off credit debts and alas, they needed to burn down the house the Savoys had bought for the family because they needed the insurance money. Addie started to storage as many stuff as she could when she was informed of what was going to happen (was guilt-tripped into staying silent) and the night her parents actually burnt the house down, Addie grabbed Eddie, everything she had gathered, a car a friend had lend to her and flee Peachtree, the two siblings didn’t look back. Adelaide didn’t finish High School.

After the two siblings escaped Peachtree, they situated in New Orleans for about a year, where Addie worked around two, three jobs in order to take care of herself and Eddie. No longer after a friend encouraged her to give her testimony (and all the proof she had gathered that backed up the claim that the fire had been premeditated) and she put her parents in jail for arson and child neglect, gaining her brother’s full custody and whatever money was left from the insurance payment.

By Eddie’s request, the two siblings moved to California in 2011 where she met a young musician called Dillon Wolfe. The couple fell in love shortly after. Six years later, they were getting married, Eddie being the person walking Adelaide down the aisle.

The little Wolfe-Atkins family moved to New York in 2018.

After working as a waitress/bartender/cook/whatever she could get to make a living for her and Eddie throughout her life, Addie got a letter from the Savoy family one day with the news that her grandfather had died and had left behind a trust fund for her, enough money for the two siblings to live off comfortably for the rest of their lives. However, the oldest decided to only use enough to buy a nice house for the two of them and to open a modest, lovely b&b, their major source of income and save the rest as the family wasn’t in dire need for money anymore.

She and Eddy don’t really talk about their past a lot, unless any of the parts truly trust the person they tell their story to.

P E R S O N A L I T Y

Most days, Addie is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, the kind of girl who smiles at everyone she meets and greets strangers with a smile on the daily. She likes making people around her happy. She thrives when people around her shine.

However, she can be very closed off and go as far as to be very deceitful? I mean, she is sharp, even though people don’t think she is because they write her off as a “southern belle” type, but what most people don’t know is she can be cunning whenever she sets her mind on it, she learned from a very young age how to take advantage of everything she had to get what she had her mind settled on.

The one thing she cares the most about in the world is her brother, Eddie. The boy is pretty much her own and has been since the day he was born, she would stop at nothing to make sure he is fine and he is happy.

Her hobbies include painting and sculpting (which she makes some money off of), gardening (the Atkins sibling’s home is a glorified zen garden by now) and designing (she sometimes uses this skill to make clothes for selling to friends and acquaintances).

Loyal to no end, good god. It takes a lot for her to feel comfortable with someone to call them her friend but once she does, she is the most loyal friend. Also the mom friend, no matter how close you are. If it’s even a little bit chilly outside and she sees a stranger shivering she WILL give them her sweater, has medicine and candy on her at all times.

She can be quite impetuous and extremely curious to the verge of being noisy, but never in a malicious way, unless you mess with someone she cares about.

Whatever you throw her way, she’ll land on her feet.

P L O T S (*will be a wc on main)

Best friend*: Either the best friend who help the Atkins while the lived in Georgia (preferably) or a new friendship they’ve built in the years they’ve been in New york Addie would be nothing without this person. She trusts them more than her own shadow and would kill for them in a heartbeat.

Foreign cousins: Maybe someone seeking vengeance because of what Addie’s father did to the family? Maybe they don’t even know they are related, everyone loves having someone you can tell “well, now i know where the craziness comes from”.

Muse: Whenever she’s stressed or just… inspiration strikes, Addie calls this person to either use them as a model or a canvass. She has every line of their body engraved on her memory and she still finds them fascinating and could spend hours painting them. We can discuss what shape this plot could potentially take.

People she works for: Either her art or the clothes she makes, I’d love to write about any of those.

Friends, enemies, neighbours… just love my baby, she and Eddie will love you back!

Okay, wow, if you made it through… honestly bless you and you deserve a freaking award. if you read this mess and you still wanna plot, hmu or like this post and i’ll come to you!