#but also bc I always expect people to leave. it’s a sad understanding. but I understand why I have it. going with this —-

[kings-highway]

haikyuu ships but its things about their relationships or moments that I think would surprise their friends/teammates

starting off with my boys Daisuga: honestly definitely the rest of the team forgets that they haven't been together forever, and are never expecting when either of them are acting like, well, teenagers in a relationship. Specifically in regards to being shy in front of each other or wanting to impress each other, the rest of the team always is surprised by it because in their mind, like, why are you feeling insecure in this relationship I thought you've been dating for 2 years and Suga is just like "try 3 months BITCH now I need you to find out what his favourite kind of chocolate is I'll pay you real money if he doesnt realize why you're asking."

right along to Kagehina and honestly, literally even just realizing they have a normal relationship. I think everyone absolutely understands how they got together, but I imagine the first time ANYONE sees them out in public together they ALL have a moment thats like "oh shit they like... are actually dating" and every time Kagehina is just like... on a lunch date, or going shopping, walking a dog, just chatting. Like people are surprised that they genuinely spend time together outside of sports. The first time Kageyama goes with Hinata as his date to a family wedding the entire family is flabberghasted bc they definitely thought this was an on-court obsession only

Iwaoi is really simple, literally just people realizing that Iwaizumi has genuine romantic affection towards him is the funniest thing to me. There's a week where Iwaoi is worried bc Iwa had to go to school with a hickey on his neck but literally NOBODY bats an eye or even mentions it because "yeah Oikawa obviously-" but when theyre changing for practice and they see that Oikawa has a hickey on his neck the entire team goes feral and practically tackles Iwaizumi like "you committed to kissing him for that long?????? YOU?????" like they cannot comprehend Iwaizumi actively participating. (obviously this is also the only time they every see Iwazumi embarassed enough to visibly blush which only compounds things.)

Bokuaka's is so stupid but honestly - the first moment the team realizes that Akaashi is, like, attracted to Bokuto and isnt just his best friend that got carried away. Konoha catches Akaashi checking out Bokuto's ass as he's leaving the changing room and it legitimately ruins Konoha's day. What is he supposed to do with this information.

To be completely fair, Ushiten as a concept probably absolutely baffles the entire Shiratorizawa team for multiple reasons. I think though the obvious one is that the rest of the team cannot understand how little Ushijima is bothered by any of Tendou's antics, where Tendou is VRRY touchy and goofy and lots of PDA and affection and Ushijima is completely receptive and unbothered by it, if not going out of his way to intentionally make Tendou laugh to invite him to more. Like Tendou absolutely would sit on his lap during lunch and Reon would be sitting there losing his mind bc last time he sat too close to Ushijima he got a lecture on personal space. Oh, but now suddenly he's super chill and relaxed and nothing bothers him its tendou doing it.

Asanoya's is a little sad tbh but I think, specifically the second and first years, would be surprised by how serious Noya is about the relationship and how little he tolerates jokes about them being opposites/a surprising pair or any of that. Like theyre shocked to find out how seriously he's taking being a boyfriend and really trying to make sure Asahi is happy. The idea that it isnt superficial or just for fun for him is surprising to them.

Arankita - in a comedy of errors Atsumu accidentally finds out they they are ~no longer virgins~ and legitimately has to leave practice for 20 minutes. There's a piece of him, and the rest of the team, that had 100% believed Kita was a robot and they just.... the idea that this was something that happened organically and not for "procreation" doesnt fit in their worldview. Kita smacks the next person who brings it up and that ends the conversation.

[dukeofdelirium]

never gonna understand the argument that Katara didn’t love Aang or something.

Katara was 100% more physically affectionate toward Aang. She almost always initiated their physical contact.

She also expresses clear jealousy over him as early as ep4 at Kyoshi Island lol. Aang was literally right when he said “you know what I think? I think you don’t wanna come because you’re jealous” 😂 SHE WAS

Katara was hesitant to start a romantic relationship with Aang because of the war, not because she lacked romantic interest in him. I mean, she quite literally says this on screen.

This is another thing that confuses tf out of me. How can anyone actually watch that scene in Ember Island Players and think it translates to “Katara doesn’t like Aang and is gently rejecting him” ?????

Katara 1) denies viewing Aang platonically and 2) straight up says her reasoning for not pursuing a romantic relationship with him after they kissed during the invasion is because the war is still going on and 3) she then continues by saying she is confused about WHEN they can be together if ever.

Both of these characters expected the war to already BE over. That was why Aang kissed her at the invasion, at least partly. Also partly because, yknow, he could’ve died and never gotten the chance. Which also brings up another thing, the argument that she rejected him kissing her then?

This isn’t true. Katara very much did kiss him back. But once it was over, and once he was going to leave her and face what could’ve easily been certain death, she looks upset. Not really difficult to understand why she looks that way, considering Aang did just tell her “what if I don’t come back” right before said kiss. Katara has already witnessed him die right before her eyes. This is a difficult topic in their relationship. And that fear of losing Aang continues to keep her away from their romantic relationship until she finally feels safe to express it at the end of the show.

Aang’s actions are also not difficult to understand at all. He confronted Katara during that play after she sought him out. He never asked her to follow him. And the only reason he confronted her was bc he was feeling 1) super insecure bc of the play’s depiction of everyone in their group and 2) bc he’s about to face the world’s greatest military force and their leader on the anniversary of his entire people and culture’s genocide completely ALONE and could very easily be killed.

Aang shouldn’t have kissed her at the play. No one says he should’ve and he reprimands himself afterwards. With that being said, though, it’s totally understandable as to why he does kiss her, that being that he’s afraid he is going to die again and he wants to express that he loves her before it happens. Also, the fact that Aang wasn’t there for his own people is surely a driving factor in how he expresses love to others afterwards, that being that he feels the need to “be there” so to speak. And “being there” in this moment is showing Katara that he does love her, and the only way he rlly knows how to is to kiss her bc words did not work.

Like… idc if ppl like the writing or not. Acting like it’s some huge mystery or impossible to comprehend is you essentially saying you’re dumber than the 6 year olds that watched ATLA 😭 like how could I at 11 completely understand this whole thing yet these grown ass adult women can’t wrap their minds around it for even a second? Like it’s actually sad lol

[vermillioncrown]

This is going to be a huge post because you've picked up so much of what we put down I'm just 🥰🥹

@sunshinerotting replied to your post “(@rozaceous) dpnf ch 11: housebroken”:

will be rereading immediately but i love your guys’ characters very much and the way you write the canon characters makes so much sense. the way the people in that house interact with each other is so interesting to me because if tim was actually the normal boy he thinks he is the entire balance would be thrown off. no one else could’ve done what he does in that dynamic. they’re like a jigsaw puzzle to me. i have more thoughts give me a sec

thank you so much! roz and i keep joking that this fic is now an au of an au of an au of an au... and on and on, and then it's like. what makes this still a fic and not a fully original setting and work? we had to sell readers on a lot, that these characters (outside of our SIs) were still some flavor of canon. especially, "who is the core of tim drake?" and yeah, he's so not fucking normal. but he's not obviously wacky, either.

​out of order now i don’t remember chapter numbers: when jason showed up like a huge asshole i texted my friend about it. very much “he WOULD fucking do that but by god is it PISSING ME OFF” and it was!! love that genuinely. might not be what was intended but i do think he IS odd and sad and unable to move through the cycle of grief fully enough to show back up like a haunting and not expect it to get to allie like that. zero ability to understand how loved he is. 10/10 more...

GAH to know you texted abt our fic!!!! 🥹🥹🥹 best praise tbh. and the second sell: how is jason an asshole but worth rooting for later? or at least, allowed into the enclosure lol. we might not have had it summarized as neatly as you did, but roz and i are in full agreement you Read jason here. that's exactly what we wanted, that's so much of what we take from his character in various canons.

allie reminds me of a bobcat which feels weird to say but she’s so nonthreatening outwardly and she minds her business but the second someone steps in on her people it’s like Oh. oh right. teeth and claws. when jason showed back up i felt so much for her. there was no way for her to move. korvin acts in ways similar to me, which i will examine on my own time and not in your comments. i do love how everyone in this house has their own preferred flavor of Avoidance

you also have such a read on allie, i love it. i'll leave her to roz but i'll say my piece that i sometimes get bummed that korvin's so obviously wacky + a lot of gender stuff at play (the audience/demographic of ff readers, we live in a society and all that) that make more ppl focus on korvin over allie whereas they're both equally wack. and korvin's behavior makes the most sense when taken as a convoluted male re-socialization of someone initially female-socialized but rewarded in a male-dominated space. AND both of them are AuDHD, word of god putting that out there. add on the isekai brainworms, and yeah, isekai is just an extended analogy for masking → hence the different flavors of avoidance

tim is somehow the most well-adjusted in this regard, before jason shows up maybe, and thats so crazy. tim drake. Tim Drake ????comparatively well-adjusted to anyone ??? i know i’m forgetting something so i’ll come back but writing that down genuinely through me off a little bit. lol

you also recognize that jason ranks above tim in "well-adjusted" here, god, how does it feel to be so correct. and tim is well-adjusted here! he's never had to be a vigilante! but he's also much lonelier than in canon. something that made retrospective sense while we were writing is that he fell out of liking ball sports (despite not being a desk nerd) is that...who does he have to enjoy them with in this au?

threw not through. anyway I FORGOT ABOUT RUTABAGA. I AM SO SORRY RUTABAGA. the amount of love between the characters is so important to me bc it’s always there no matter how fucked the bats are about showing it normally. the brownstone does end up feeling like a safe space like it somehow feels so easy most of the time and then when tangential forces (sorry dick) show up it’s like the air changes. but allie and korvin and tim all have such Personalities its insane it works out like that.

RUTIE BEST GIRL, forgiven lol. YES YES YES there is so much love and it's like, the love doesn't stop you from doing the work. the bats are so fucked up, and we only get a glimpse of dick and korvin's relationship where you can see the maladapted consequences on both of their parts, dick not being fully equipped to "raise" korvin and korvin wanting to be easy/convenient for dick. and korvin's deep-seated not-abandonment issues tied with family and cultural trauma/burden.

(i still stand by the "good older brother dick grayson" tag, he's just. oh there's a lot. if you read between the lines there's so much being implied for TPAC)

but having allie in this 'verse, allie and korvin together ground each other. that's why they're so co-dependent in the beginning (it's healthier at the end), that's why they still had the wherewithal to seek an outside friend, and yes, that is why the brownstone is like that. their place that they made with their own hands.

obviously jason was an issue initially (it felt redundant to write that sentence) but he’s such a necessary part of them by being 1) necessary to allie and 2) the catalyst allie and korvin needed to end up where they are. i do think ppl that important to each other need one big unavoidable conflict to avoid stagnation like obviously he was a necessary part of the story but he was a Necessary Part Of The Story. does this make sense?? four strand braid.

AND YES DUDE you literally. we were writing this and we had the vibe, but we literally did not articulate it to each other until the very end that jason's actually necessary to make all of them normal. i love everything you're saying about needing one unavoidable conflict to resolve. he is part of a four strand braid. it's so strong. it's critical. korvin still finds jason annoying and vice versa. and yet they'd both say the household contains all of them by the end.

i just like that they start off alone and end up together. that’s my thing. jigsaw puzzle. polycule of all time. i can’t think of a way in which another person would ever get that close to them the dynamics are so perfect to me. every need is accounted for. its like a perfect little box in my mind. i think thats it for now lol i’m happy you guys write together. not just bc i love it but also bc it’s so clear u guys have fun doing it and that makes me happy <3

WE MADE IT. it's one thing to prescribe "hey guys this is a polycule" but selling it? the logistics of a polycule? not so easy, and it has to be tailored to the situation and characters. not all of them are romantically/sexually involved, nor do they have straight-forward relationships (hence, qpr), so having you say it fits and they seem seamless is like. top tier praise. coherence, it's everything we've aimed for.

thank you for all of your thoughts! we do have tons of fun and that's why we love sharing what we have! and we hope to keep doing projects like this, or we'll just be at each other's side while we work on our individual fics.

[starr-finn]

Hi!!! So I got something (a request) for u :)

- Anyways, it's for Faith (John) bc as that one Tiktok comment said, 'sometimes babygirl is a 35 year old man'

- So reader isn't necessarily religious, but she comes along with John on these 'missions'(?) to make sure he doesn't go completely insane

- (This was suggested by Father Garcia, saying that it would be good to make sure that he doesn't go mad with grief or something)

- Reader is somehow SO optimistic and like a ball of sunshine all the time???

- Like she (or they idm too much) always manages to be somewhat optimistic and always focuses on the good side of things?

- Like, we almost died? Yeah, almost dude! We did it :D

- At first John finds it kind of weird but he kind of grows on it?

- At one point, John gets really down and sad about things in like, the clinic or whatever, and Reader's like 'Don't worry, we'll make it, you and me! :)'

- She just turns around (like this ig) and gives him a really warm smile and John's heart go BOOM BOOM (💀)

- And John's like 'Oh no I like them in a not platonic way ohno'

- Idk where this is going lmao 😭

AHHHHHH BESTIE YESSSSS!!!!

John Ward X Reader

Author's note: Reader is so Bubbly, it's odd in this time the game takes place. Minor angst and depictions of injury potential minor mentions of gore, reader was stabbed like 7 times, poorly written Catholicism mention again lol and very random additions to the story I made up because why not, no mention of the abortion clinic cuz that's my least favorite part lmaooooo

John had never met someone like you, You were so joyful! Sure, he thought it was funny, and oddly cute sometimes, But sometimes, the sheer joy was off-putting and sometimes uncomfortable. He didn't fully understand why you seemed so happy and cheerful in the situation you both are in together. He remembers the day Father Garcia told him it was a good idea to keep you around, claiming it was good for mental health to have someone else around to talk to in these situations. He never understood that, but he was willing to keep you around, he thought you were nice. He genuinely cared about you, so when you got attacked by a couple demons, and were left in the clinic at the base of operations you guys all set up together, John almost lost his mind, he had seen you get stabbed, and he was told by the guy they had running the clinic that if he hadn't been so careful carrying you in that you may not have made it. John was basically crying when you were put into surgery, you were bleeding so badly, and he swore he thought he could inside the wounds, He felt so gross after seeing you like that. John was pacing around outside listening to Garcia tell him it was going to be ok, and then the doctor walked out, and gave the news you were ok, and John never cried that hard in his life. He was given the ok to go in and see you, and he wasted no time. The sight of you laying on a stiff, uncomfortable bed, looking tired and defeated, while also smiling at him, made his heart feel a way he hadn't felt since he married his ex-wife, he knew the feeling too well, but he never expected he'd feel it for you of all people.

John walks over and sits beside you "How are you feeling?" He seemed scared, but happy, and you had a feeling you knew why

You smile and gently brush his hair back "Like hell...but hey, that's better than what I felt earlier!"

John chuckles and ruffles your hair softly "You're so strong..."

You smile and lean closer to him, closing your eyes and falling asleep. John blushes a bit and smiles, he felt he would never come to terms with the way he felt about you, but, he knew he would protect you with his life, even if it meant losing it. To him, you were a gift from a god he had been losing belief in, a god he worried forgot him. You were special to him, and he never wanted to lose you. He stayed sitting beside you for a couple hours until he was forced to leave, but it became routine, he'd stay with you for hours until you were cleared to leave, and while you felt it was a bit odd, you were happy to have him close, and he was happy you were ok

[stardewsnail]

hello! do you have any hc for shane x farmer x harvey poly relationship? sfw or nsfw hc are fine thank you so much :) loved your last request post hehe

I’m so glad you liked it! Since you said HC this is more of a list, but if anyone wants to request a specific moment written out in prose let me know!

I admit, I am just starting to appreciate Harvey in my game so forgive me if there’s a little more of my brain than game canon :) NSFW is alllllll the way at the end

MINORS DNI

I HC Shane was 28/29 having a crisis about turning 30 and then Harvey being about 32-35 (barely recovering from the imposter syndrome of taking over the clinic pretty young)

So I think, first of all, Marnie and Maru were key to getting the three of them to figure it out. Like the two of them were in cahoots arranging for those three to be in the same place at the same time

Harvey had a crush on the farmer pretty quickly, having plenty of interactions due to how often they ended up needing medical care

He always had a soft spot for Shane because even when he was struggling and on his worst most hung over days he still went to every shift at Joja so he could provide for Jas

Shane has had a crush on the farmer for a while—but it didn’t cement until after the cliffs when they didn’t just drop him entirely. Up until he was actually working on improving himself he had ZERO plans in ever engaging in a romantic relationship with anyone (he wasn’t going to doom anyone to dealing with him—sad self deprecating boy)

After Harvey treated him so gently and was such a surprising pillar of support in Shane’s journey to recovery he developed a crush on the good Dr as well

 Harvey was a little freaked out because he considered Shane a patient first at some point the farmer brought him coffee and they ended up sitting together for an hour chatting (gushing) about Shane. That was the farmer and Harvey looked at each other like “Oh…you like him?” And both decided to let their crush go like idiots. Farmer was like “ah Shane and Harvey have known each other for longer it’s not fair for me to get in the way” and Harvey was like “Oh I won’t get in the way of two people I care about”

 Maru started leaving books about polyamory laying around the clinic and Marnie tried to (awkwardly and not fully understanding the concept but trying to stay hip with the youth) bring it up to Shane which both backfired and succeeded bc Shane went to the farmer/Harvey to complain about it (he went to the Farmer first and the farmer didn’t react as expected. They pretty much were like “Yeah that's a thing seems like it might be nice as a concept”

And so when Shane went to Harvey after because at this point they're friends (even if Shane thinks it's more about Harvey being his doctor) Not only was Harvey sweating talking about relationships with Shane he about choked on his coffee when our fav chicken man brought up the farmer being into polyamory.

Harvey figures out what all of this had been leading to--why Marnie of all people had brought it up to Shane, why Maru kept teasing (and I feel like in this scenario Maru and the farmer are friends). Harvey has his Jimmy Neutron style brain blast and is like wait...i have TWO hands...I can HOLD TWO HANDs.

When I tell you this man studies the theory, history, and modern practice of polyamory like there's going to be a test--he's on it. He didn't graduate medical school by doing things half assed

While this is happening (Harvey preparing to make a move) Shane (post cliffs) just assumes he has a crush on Harvey and the farmer because the two of them helped him get better—he’s not going to be the one getting this whole thing started. So he just keeps going doing his best for Jas but also because he really likes the way Harvey lights up at every check up.

I feel like Harvey (likely assured by Maru who is tired of listening to both farmer and Harvey pine for each other AND Shane) asks the farmer out first, and the two have a big long discussion about their dynamics and how they want to approach Shane. Harvey is a little clinical about it but the farmer does their best to reassure him

Unfortunately, while Harvey and the farmer are both independently smart they lose all but one (1) brain cell that they have to share between them like a ping pong ball

It works out still, and they both present a bouquet to Shane at the same time. Shane just does NOT get it, poor thing he is red as a tomato and his whole brain just blue screens. Like face hiding in his hood/hands low key trying not to cry not believing that there are TWO people who like him and they’re the people he’s been pining over for AGES and that he gets to be with BOTH of them????

Shane stops having to work at Joja mart between his spouse’s income. Instead he works full time on the farm with the chickens, engineering a variety of colored chickens (Shane studied Bio/ag in college along with his gridball scholarship, then the accident that wiped out Jas’s parents also wiped out his potential gridball career AND forced him to drop out in his last semester—I think I’ve seen this bit before but idk if it’s cannon or somebody’s head cannon)

Shane does better mentally getting to work outside with animals and even when he has bad days he’s got much healthier coping strategies

So I think he would start getting back into fitness and bond with Harvey over eating healthy and staying fit—that plus the farmer being THE source of fresh produce in town

And also they are constantly trying to make sure the farmer doesn’t starve and drop dead in the mines

Other:

They constantly cycle through whose sleeping where mostly because they don’t often go to bed at the same time so the last person there just kinda worms their way in wherever

Shane really likes being babied but he would never say it

Unrelated but when Harvey moves to the farm he rents his apartment to Maru who is ecstatic to have her own place away from her overbearing dad (who’s not super jazzed about the situation) but her being out of the house improves her relationship with Sebastian and they get much closer as siblings

NSFW

Shane never thought of himself as being more dominant to anyone BUT after being with Harvey (who takes care of people constantly and wants the opposite in the bedroom) I see him approaching the territory of service dom

Harvey for his part wants to be in the middle, both penetrating and being penetrated at the same time. He was waiting for a “good time” to bring this up but the farmer suggested it first and he was ecstatic.

Both the farmer and Shane think Harvey's thing is going to be sexy nurse but no, it's definitely a pilot/flight attendant thing--something they make the most of

[strawglicks]

thinking abt how every spamvil hater ive seen villainizes jevil and victimizes spamton to the moon and back. like their argument against spamvil is ALWAYS, without fail, "it would hurt spamton :(" and then they have nothing to say about jevil or talk abt how jevil would hurt him somehow.

First of all idk where this weirdass villainization of jevil is coming from. People seem to think hes this irredeemable soulless clown who feels nothing and doesnt care abt anyone. Meanwhile, ingame, he literally admits he is lonely and was close to Seam in the past. Yes he needs to learn how to be serious and has a cynical view of the world, but for some reason the fandom doesnt see him as a complex and flawed character. they just decide hes too far gone and would hurt anyone he has a relationship with, including spamton.

And then theres spamton, everyone's favorite innocent angel never did anything wrong bbg apparently!! The fandom doesnt treat spamton anything like they do Jevil. They actually want good things for him, a better future, and feel sorry for him. That's not a bad thing, I feel the same, but these same people will ignore all his flaws and how literally evil he was in the snowgrave route. Spamton is not a good person. I thought this was explicitly clear in the game, but apparently bc he has sad lore spoonfed to the audience this is ignored.

In regards to Jevil, Spamton is extremely bitter and jealous of him. The only things spamton himself has said about jevil is that he wishes to "surpass" him, and that he lost to jevil's games in the past. He even admits he cheated in many of these games. Spamton is not a trustworthy person. if you havent noticed his character is literally based on scam emails. Spamton is just jealous of Jevil's happiness despite the situation theyre both in, which is understandable in a way. Still, it doesnt mean spamton is in the right for being bitter and resentful. There's no real evidence Jevil has actively hurt spamton in any way, esp not on purpose. He literally just beat him at games and is way happier than he is and he's angry about it.

People consume all this shit at SURFACE LEVEL- reminder that this is an unfinished game MADE TO BE ANALYZED- and dont look any deeper into these very complex and interesting characters. All these spamvil haters assume Jevil is just irredeemable and too far gone and find spamtons backstory depressing but dont think about what these two NEED to heal from their experiences. Having gone through similar shit, they're really the only people who could understand each other to such an extent. They both need to let their guard down and listen to each other because they can offer each other a different point of view on a similar situation, which is what the both of them NEED more than anything. Yes it would take a lot of time; these are very flawed people. But you cant just. leave them where they are right now and expect either of them to heal completely on their own. Being alone is the LAST thing either of them needs. Jevil literally admits to being lonely and spamton ACTIVELY gets worse the longer he is alone. Yes he has trust issues, but he needs to be able to open up if he ever wants to get better.

Theres also the argument of "spamton is afraid of clowns" which isnt valid anyway because i just got done explaining how even if hes afraid of opening up and being close to people, spamton NEEDS it if he wants any chance at getting better. Sometimes you have to face your fears to make any progress. Plus spamton himself has never shown any sign of fearing jevil. He's only ever regarded him with bitterness and jealousy.

idk how to conclude this fuck you

[dwtdog]

I'm just sad. I hate I feel like I'm being a white men apologist bc I don't believe caiti.

I hate people are so ready to hate on G as if this isn't a she said he said situation, with feelings over proof. I don't know why she did this. Was it really bc she thinks it's sa? Was it for the hate boner against the dteam? Was it bc she wanted to protect people from G? Was it for popularity? Was it to deplataform someone who almost never streamed?

I do believe she's hurt by her own actions. And I do think is OK to call out G so he doesn't do this ever again. But this smell like bs and hate.

Also the unnecessary comment of Tom's mother. Honestly why

It's so discouraging as a victim myself, as a fan of these people. I just feel bad for the 3 of them.

Like what are the rest of the ccs expecting? G and Dream to not stream ever again?They weren't streaming that much. To make them less popular?sure whatever. To make people conscious of how evil manipulative they are? OK done.

Now what?

If in 1 week or 10 months they decide to stream again, I really hope the antis just leave them alone. Like yeah you already said they are awful and we are watching them knowing how you feel.

Like what now?

:(( i'm sorry anon, i hope you're doing okay <3

i think a lot of life is learning that we're never going to understand perfectly why anyone does anything. i can walk outside right now and stress myself the fuck out worrying that everyone can tell i've just been lying in bed sick all day, but that's me pushing my assumptions onto them.

it's harder with people we don't know, obviously, especially when we've developed parasocial relationships that make us feel like we should know what's going on. in the version of george that existed in our heads before all this, maybe we could never imagine this happening, and that's why it hurts.

and it's always going to sting, learning that things are different from how we assumed, because damn is it nice to be right all the time. but that's impossible- no one can know everything, and especially not everything about something so unpredictable as another human.

so my best advice is to acknowledge that every image you have in your head of other people- from your parents to the creators you like- is incomplete. you'll never fully understand them, hell, you'll probably never even fully understand yourself. and we have to be okay with that, and we have to prepare ourselves to learn and grow, rather than getting stuck. let new information change your mind, but keep track of the things that matter the most to you

[lilac-udon]

Alien stage thoughts

I saw many hate round 7, the plot is logically this result is understandable and very valid, however it’s not a good aftertaste for the audience . I guess I give some critique? I did make a post about the story, logically I think till should die. the story always seems interesting to me because I feel it’s not standard, not taking usual paths. for me I think it’s cool too see creative goes to places ppl never goes before and explore more unusual none traditional plots , which I think that’s why round 6 is big, usually no one will write it like that. ( ivan a side character being this devoted and etc) However I also did consider if this is a writer flaw . story wise round 7 is confusing and depressing . how I see my love for ivan because he is the most in depth character, simple straight forward of lover boy angst over his love. he’s story is full, refined, understandable. I said this also led characters unbalanced of sua, , till and mizi who especially is the mc is out of focus, and results many cheering for till who ivan put his effort on that the audience can attach their feelings to . What I was expecting was more story of till however we doesn’t get it( and logically we shouldn’t bc he isn’t the mc), it make till felt hollow. They really put too much insight for ivan where luka till mizi etc all just glanced through their activities. Another problem of alst , they always add more explanation and info out of the video which sua and ivan is actually quite different from only viewing the mvs. Paid content and post to explain the motive that you completely can not get from videos, however ivan gets a lot in his videos time. Was too hype for till to be a complex character but he met his end before anything. I can only see them all alive in some ways to save this part for the explanation.

so I was looking at others criticism and I do agree about some, mostly about the ship, like it’s logical what had happened , but viewing ppl opinions I do agree, the series was heavily depending on selling their official ship, and their mismatch pairing of the final give viewers bad taste ,confusion and mostly sadness, the lack of mizi internal really made till became the main character everyone voting for … the ambiguity of timeline. So yeah the video is short and you can’t put all the information you want to say. I do see this happening however it just sad, my worries is they make them all alive but that really hurts the writing a little, viv always like to be sad, is my joy to read and see people idea after round 6, now everyone is dead ah , also joke on u I love my ship dead :) I’m just concerned about the story continuity

half way in the story??? And half of them is dead????????

Oh there’s one thing I dislike about… the art book gives us what the author explained of what is what… ugh

Add I’m gonna add here so no one see at first sight, it a joke I love them: till has such a miserable life, abuse, and harass two time before death

But the overall video is hype I love it but the story just a bit sad, but for till that pretty nice too I guess, he can finally leave this horrible world

[bonesandthebees]

ive been both really busy and also not? hahah but ive been good!! i've been mostly working. today was crazy actually, someone walked into the vet with a bearded lizard?? that they found ?? at the local park?? someone had just abandoned their lizard there ig which was really sad but im glad someone found it and was able to help it!! also the person who found it was a vet tech themselves who used to have bearded lizards so that's good hahahah they were v prepared

our doctor unfortunately doesn't take any exotics so we had to send them to a diff vet but it was cool to see the lizard, he was very sweet and friendly EUEUUEUE

but yeah other than work? mostly just been writing which has been super nice. this is the first year im properly tackling whumptober!! normally i just. pick and choose my fav prompts LMAOO but this year im actually writing for each prompt every day and i've done all 7 days so far!! im super proud of myself rahshshs

i went to my first social dance a couple weekends ago!! that was super funn

i cannot remember if i told you, but i started doing west coast swing lessons!!! since i took a gap year of school while waiting to apply for the vet tech program, i was like "welp i need some sort of hobby that gets me out of the house" so i didnt stew in bad mental health n stuff and i decided to try dance! i'd seen vids of it on my youtube shorts a lot and it always looked so... freeing. and i thought doing something that involved physical activity would be a good idea too since exercise is good for mental health!!

and woww i love it way more than i was expecting HAHHAHASDKFJJK it's so so fun and it really does feel like flying (when you do it with an experienced lead lol, so not always but the times where it's happened i cherish v much <3) and the people?? are all so nice???? like wow i was a bit nervous when i first started but everyone is so welcoming and understanding and super fun to talk to and it's a very accepting environment of queer ppl and i just RAHSHS ITS SOOO LOVELY BEE OH MY GOSHH

but yeah!! so ive been doing that sinceee march but i had yet to go to an actual dance, i'd only done lessons bc i was really nervous lol but also bc its on the weekends and thats when i go visit my mom so its hard to find time. but i finally decided to go no matter what last time (which yeah. almost canceled bc i ended up having two other meetups that day?? it was busy) and im really glad i went it was super fun.

just hoping i can convince one of my friends to go with me one day lol

oh no I'm so sad that someone abandoned their beardie :((( thank god someone found it though and wanted to make sure it was okay. so many people would just leave it so that little guy got lucky with that at least. I love bearded dragons, one of my teachers in high school had one she named Mushu and she would let him just run around the room during class sometimes. he was adorable.

ooooo I hope you're having fun with whumptober!!! you're stronger than me I've never attempted to do all the prompts for something like that. I struggle so much already with keeping things short and I also don't do great with prompts but I admire everyone who can dedicate themselves to that. it's such good writing practice as well

oh that class sounds lovely. tbh it really shows you have a LOT of self awareness to recognize that not only do you need something to get you out of the house, but taking the steps to sign up for a class with physical activity for your mental health. that's really great and you're going to thank yourself later for putting yourself out there like that. and that sounds so much fun!!! manifesting you get one of your friends to join you one day

(also this reminds me I really need to get back in the habit of going to my yoga and other exercise classes. I fell out of it after I got back from my europe trip this summer so I need to get my ass in gear again)

[chaotic-toby]

I might write this out or I might not, but I just had to type this out bc I will explode if I don't. Please excuse Toby's ramblings.

Okay, so I've mentioned before about how I wanted to write something about Asa Emory's childhood. Like, a collection of one-shots showcasing random thoughts about how his childhood was like. Just random things I think up.

Well, while I was walking to my third period class today, I thought of Asa Emory in high school and how much of a train wreck that would be.

As I've established before, Asa was-- and still is-- a loner. He barely had any friends in school and the few he had seemed to drift away. I'll come back to that later bc I have a whole thing about that.

Asa hated his classmates. I know that when Asa was in school, it was a completely different generation if you're thinking realistically, but this is mainly me projecting (shocker I know it /sarc) so let's just say that his classmates act similar to how high schoolers act in this day and age.

He despises them. I've seen someone headcanon that Asa hates loud noises, and after rewatching The Collector for the sixth time today, I can see it. His classmates were so loud, and everyday, he would come home overstimulated. However, as a kinda shy student, there wasn't much he could do about that, so he just tried to focus on his school work. His teachers LOVED him, though they were also a bit creeped out by him as well, but they tried their best to not judge too much. Though there were some teachers that didn't care and mistreated him but he ignore them.

Asa tried acting like he didn't care that he didn't have close friends, but when he watched people talking to their friends or partners, he would get jealous. He tried dating the few people who surprisingly took an interest in him, but those relationships never lasted long. They were either using him for sex (asexual Asa believer (I literally just thought about that as I am writing this)) or they were using him to seem nice or something. Idk. Eventually, he just gave up trying to date someone, and every time someone asked him out, he either ignored them or rudely declined.

Everytime there was a bug in the classroom, Asa would stop anyone from killing it, pick it up, open the window, and let it free. He never understood why people would get mad at him for that. It was like they wanted to see bug guts splattered on the ground.

Anyways, back to his friends. This is the part I am excited to discuss. So, I've said that Asa didn't have many friends, but he did have one that he considered a close friend at one point. I like to think he had a friend from the 7th grade all the way to the 12th. However, in the 12th grade, the friend started to hang out with another person a lot. At first, Asa didn't mind. He didn't expect his friend to only be friends with him, nor consider him their best friend. However, he soon noticed how everytime they were hanging out, and the friend's friend showed up, the friend would pay more attention to the other person than him. Again, he was fine with it. He was a quiet person anyways, and the main thing he liked to talk about was insects and gory stuff. It was understandable if his friend wanted to hang out with someone normal.

Though, this eventually evolved into his friend, not ignoring him per se, but Asa became the third wheel. Asa wanted to hang out with his friend, but his friend's friend was always there, taking all of his friend's attention. Every time he tried to start a conversation, the other person will interrupt, leaving Asa to just stand there, watching as his friend was noticeably more happier with their new best friend.

At first, he was sad. He's known his friend since the 7th grade, while the newcomer had only known them since the 10th grade. Asa had known them longer, and yet, it was obvious that his friend preferred the other person over him. He didn't cry over it. Of course not, but it did dampen his mood for a while. It led to him skipping breakfast at school just so he wouldn't have to sit beside his friend only to get ignored.

This sadness, however, eventually turned into anger. He had thoughts about killing his friend's friend, knowing full well that he could get away with it. He spent weeks planning it over. Thinking of all the things he could do to them. How he could mutilate them, if he should even keep them in the first place, or if he should put the person somewhere public so that his friend could see; could see the mistake they made. (I wanna say that that was his first ever kill and what started it all).

Welp, that's all I've thought about. None of what I've said is canon, obviously. Just my little headcanons and projecting. I love Asa so much and I wish the Collector movies were more popular :(

[melodyplucked]

[ 🤝 ] how does your muse approach intimacy? are they hesitant, or do they like it? what types of intimacy do they like and dislike? (ex. physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc.)

[ 👪 ] what is your muse’s relationship with their parents like? was it always this way?

[ 💍 ] does your muse have a “type” of people that they prefer to enter relationships with? is their type generally compatible with them, or does the dynamic tend to be toxic?

as far as emotional intimacy is concerned, to start there... it's something that doesn't come easy to him, but at the same time, it's extremely important to him. he needs to be able to be open about his feelings, and admittedly... that's scary for him generally speaking- nini is the one person he knows he can always talk to about anything in his life. he needs to be able to share his feelings, he has a lot of them, he's a cancer, so... that's v much a thing. he puts a lot of his feelings into music... and that's important too, but- being able to talk about all his Issues in his life is good for him. in terms of physically, he can be a very clingy person- but honestly, it's another thing where he has to get very comfortable with someone to be touchy with them. he's not quick to anything- but like- with nini... in most cases- he's known her his entire life. and there's just- something so strong between them in terms of trust and such. he takes comfort in her. and touch is def one of his big love languages. he needs the reassurance in her presence.

---

ricky's relationship with his parents... goodness... yeah that's a complicated subject to say the least. growing up- his mom is the parent he talked to about like- the feelings stuff. she's the one he went to to confide in. he had a good relationship with his dad, he always has, but- they don't really like- talk about the hard stuff. his parents fought a lot, especially as time went on, and that took a toll on him, and so did when his mom started to travel so much for work... since she was the parent he always would talk to. his parents both contributed to his affinity for music. his dad's old record collection, and his mom teaching him to play the piano as a child... but we'll put it this way- ricky's abandonment issues stem largely from his parents divorce and his mom's leaving... and then he always had to be the one to call. and then finding out she was so quickly with someone else... it HURT. he's not good with people leaving. he's scared of not being enough. his mom's not quite disapproval, but... lack of favor for his relationship with nini also... stings... though he knows it comes from fear of his relationship being like hers with his dad. he gets closer with his dad when it's just the two of them, but mike's just- not as good at the hard conversations. his relationship with his mom is complicated... once she moves away to chicago... it's really hard sometimes... and while she does come around... it's never quite like it used to be. and honestly... that's a very sad thing.

---

ricky's type is nini- end of story

but to get like- more serious on this subject... i think in some ways you could say he for sure has a type, but- not so much physically. he's drawn to people who understand him, on one hand, but on the other... he deeply craves validation... as someone who doesn't expect it from people, he needs it bad sometimes... so the kind of people he likes- are definitely people who can give him that, one way or another. he's also v much a relationship type of person, he needs stability... bc- abandonment issues... and while i'd say generally he attracts things that Are healthy for him, it's complicated at times because of these strong attachments and potential dependencies. he NEEDS to be able to trust someone- to be with them. and so like- a friendship first is typically a prerequisite... he does love a dreamer- also- someone with ambition, which is something- he arguably lacks, though the ambition isn't the problem so much (in my mind) as his lack of belief in himself because others don't believe in him or show him any reason to believe he's worth much...

[cloudninetonine]

Bc you’re the person I feel like I can run and go brainrot off to, can I offer twilight brainrot?

Twilight Princes was my first LoZ game. I never played it bc my Wii was busted and I didn’t own a GameCube. But it was the first game of the franchise that was introduced to me and the first play through I ever watched. So I’m projecting it onto Player for the sake of this.

Player, of course, knows Twilight is Wolfie. What do they do despite this? Act completely clueless. Let him tell them whenever he’s ready. It falls into Twilight knowing he can relax near them while he’s Wolfie and he takes advantage of it. They just talk and talk as they pet him. About the others, about their home, about stupid stories, maybe something they saw. About him.

And he’s always expecting a “but” whenever they go on about him. Something negative because I know he struggles with himself at times. And he’s always surprised when it never comes. It’s always “Twilight is pretty cool” or “I’m happy I’m desensitized to gore because if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have seen how hot Twilight looked while fighting that Wizzrobe.”

And he just… gets flustered. Every time. Bonus if we’re running with him having a country accent like how twilight-pup gives him. Because then it’s compliments and gushing on his accent.

At some point Player just hits Wolfie with the “I’d trust Twi with my drink” but I feel like he wouldn’t understand the full weight of that sentence. Until he asks.

“So… what exactly does ‘trust with my drink’ mean? Heard someone say it while we were in town ‘n stuff.”

“It means trust. At least, in my time it does,” Player shrugs as they rummage through their bag. “Like— Okay. I guess it’s real talk hour. In bars and clubs, people aren’t exactly trustworthy. If you go out with someone, you have to know you can trust them. There’s a whole thing when it comes to drinks. People always have an eye and hand on their drink. If we don’t, we buy another one.”

“Even if it’s ain’t finished?” Twilight raises a brow.

“Mhm. Because it’s common for someone to possibly get… drugged,” they seem to droop at that. Frustration and sadness building in them. “Girls and guys alike go missing. Giving someone your drink—“

“— means ya trust them enough not to hurt ya,” he finishes softly.

The whole weight of the meaning would just crash down on Twilight. You trust him enough not to bring you harm when you can’t trust others. In a place where you might get hurt. You trust him enough to leave an item with him without worry.

And it just builds this overwhelming feeling in him that he drops down beside you and just… leans against you in a way. For the whole night. Like he’s full on emotional from how much you trust him.

It probably leads with him admitting he’s Wolfie and Player snickering because they always knew. Just a giggle of “I know. I’ve been knew. Since like— I first got my hands on your journey. You’re a cutie both as a wolf and a hylian.”

ANYWAYS THAT’S MY BRAINROT. I JUST REALLY LIKE TWILIGHT. HE’S MY SKRUNKLY. MY LITTLE SCRIMBO. MY BLORBO

- 🪶

You are always welcome to brain rot- everyone is!

And I'm loving the Twilight brain rot! Especially after the newest update, gotta be thinking about my beautiful boy after all he's been through!

"You can hold me drink." The ultimate trust, honestly and that's definitely a great way to explain their process with trust- just thinking about Player naturally asking Twilight to hold their drink either to go toilet, dance, etc. etc. I feel it would only make Twilight feel even more special as they actively show their trust in him.

Player would also be sure to lowkey tease Twilight about knowing but still not actively saying anything- more because they think the rest of the group doesn't know.

[verminviscount]

ive been made aware that i have strong opinions on my personal ranking of percy jackson characters so im making a post about it. bc thats what we do here on tungle.hell. experiencing brain worms? spread the word. @garecc i invite you to include your own brain worms here

for those who may not know, which i expect is most of my followers here, Travis (garecc) and i go way back to the days of a trials of apollo discord server that has since crumbled under the weight of various discourse and does not exist at this time. so if anyone understands pjo brain rot, its him.

ONTO THE RANKING. ill be focusing on main characters bc if i include side characters we'll be here all day and Sally Jackson would be every character in this top 5.

1. Hazel Levesque. Deserves better in the eyes of fandom. Gained pretty good control over the mist within one book. Has a cool magic horse. Similar tragic backstory to Nico, but not sulking about it. No shame in sulking, but its cool to see someone go through bad shit and come out still feeling mostly okay.

2. Will Solace. Unfortunately for me, I haven't finished the trials of apollo series yet, so i dont know THAT much about Will as he's primarily a background character. But Apollo kids and medics both get my utmost respect and appreciation, always. and he's a little bit of a sarcastic little shit, but the kind where people dont get annoyed with you bc its almost always funny and lighthearted. i know from hearing people talk about tsats that he's also a Sad Boy (which is to be expected as a demigod, tragedy physically cannot leave you alone.), and im excited to read about someone with my personality go through a mental breakdown :D!

3. Frank Zhang. Listen to me. How can he not be this high up. I don't even know where to begin with this guy, he's so gods damned cool. He's just such a good character and a good dude too! I'd love to be his friend. What a sweetheart, iirc he was the only person at camp jupiter who wasnt freaked out by Nico? he's so nice. children of Ares/Mars are usually mean, and he's so nice. i love him so much. also his life force is connected to a chunk of wood, which is kinda neat. he's a legacy of poseidon. he's canadian. im pretty sure his first name is Westernized bc his grandma calls him Fai, my last name was westernized when my great grandparents came over so i sort of get it though not nearly to the same degree. I ALMOST FORGOT HE CAN SHAPESHIFT!!! DUDE what a cool guy. we gotta move on, i gotta cut myself off. give him more attention in your fan works

4. Nico di Angelo. obviously a fan favorite, but im talking canon Nico here. im not talking about an uwu soft emo boi. im talkin about a sarcastic, pessimistic, deeply insecure little dude. listen, im not gonna talk about the things i love about nico because its been said a million times. its nothing new. im just gonna say that i love reading about characters that go through awful awful trauma and still overcome and find joy on the other side.

5. Rachel Elizabeth Dare. so my impulse is to put Leo here bc i adored him when i first read HoO. and if i didnt really think about it, i wouldve put him. but... Rachel!! how can you not love her! a mortal lady who can see through the mist, she fought with a hairbrush, she's the liveliest and loveliest oracle of delphi camp halfblood has ever and will ever know, she’s from money and hates it, she's an activist, an artist, way more helpful than the last oracle for sure. the mummy in the attic just left you to fend for yourself, Rachel will at least try to help you interpret what a prophecy means. she's blunt and talks a mile a minute, i love seeing my "flaws" represented positively in media.

honorable mentions: Leo Valdez of course, easily my number 6 spot. Apollo/Lester, we love seeing immense character development. Grover Underwood, probably the first time i ever had a definitive favorite character. Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase, romance would be dead and we wouldnt have a series without them.

[moriartyluver]

The only thing keeping me sane abt the baby is the fact that they can always make another pen and he wasn’t even that formed yet😭

The bouquets of lilies being fresh is going to ruin him even more because it means she was still mourning until then

Honestly fl has every right to be salty for a little, girlie lost and had to deal with sm

Imagine William trying to get her attention and constantly glancing at her during the dinner because he hasn’t seen her in so long and just can’t get enough of her but he’s also scared to keep looking at her for a long time because he doesn’t wanna bother her🤭

Bro definitely had a little shrine, it was like a Lana Del Rey shrine expect for fl instead

Louis is such a therapist, mostly a couples one but he could definitely be a good children’s therapist

YES EVERY ROOM.

Okay not every room but most rooms, and they had done it in a bathtub, end of story

Almost everyone in the gang had heard them😞 they are traumatized but fl and liam couldn’t care less

Honestly almost all the mtp characters are probably virgins and haven’t had their first kiss or a crush

Actually I take that back I feel like liam would’ve had these small crushes (that mainly formed from admiration) when he was a teen for a few people but they weren’t like big ‘I wanna marry you’ crushes but just small short ‘wow you’re so cool, kind and smart I’m gonna crush on you for a few days and then move on’ type of crushes

HELP FL MAKING IT A COMPETITION

PAUSE

WDYM BY THAT

So is the something part of fl or something different😟

🎀.

I think the saddest part abt losing the baby for fl would be losing the last thing she had of liam. It was mostly because the baby was an extension of her dead lover that had her so distraught

Fl would still be wearing traditional black mourning clothes when William sees her again and all the people who didn’t know abt William coming back would ever so confused when she suddenly starts wearing other colours again

Thing is with fl is that she’s actually really understanding but she doesn’t show it if that makes sense. Like she lets William back in really easily because she knows that even tho he was selfish for not finding her as soon as he could, she knows he was suffering a lot in her absence and physically too. She doesn’t think what he said to her before he jumped into the Thames was right but she sympathises with him bc she realises soon after that he was trying to push her away for a reason

Honestly fl and Liam are giving that one lyric in flawless by the neighbourhood “So, she put his heart in a bag, he wouldn't ask for it back He didn't want her to cry, she didn't want to be sad She said, you better not leave me This shit'll be fucked for days and weeks and months”

He keeps trying to sneak little looks at her because he thinks she got even prettier although tired, in his absence and he can’t take his eyes off her aww. The moment their relationship goes back to normal, they can actually love each other freely without having to worry about anything. Fl breaks off her engagement to liam wannabe and lives with him happily ever after and they have a bunch of kids who are little hybrids of them

I swear liam is on the very thin line between normal love & infatuation and then just insane obsession and low-key yandere type of love for fl. the shrine is such a funny concept tho like imagine one of his brothers sees his little collection of photos that he has of fl and him together. Gets worse after they get married 😭

Louis is og Charlie’s and og Lottie’s therapist u can’t tell me otherwise. He had to do couples counselling for fl and Liam except that wasn’t very hard tbh.

NAH THE BATHTUB 😭 THEYRE SO DOWN BAD. Only the other members of the gang’s bedrooms are safe. Every damn room is crazy 😭 they didn’t have much time. Had to make it count. Arguably Moran has had it the worst out of all of them. We make fun of him for being a cockblock but for him all of a sudden he’s walking in on some kid he’s known since said kid was a teenager getting pinned to a desk by his not actually wife

The only mtp characters I can imagine getting any sort of action would be Moran, James, possibly Albert?? John but that’s because he’s married. Patterson low-key a dilf like bros 40 and still looking fine. Most of the others have never even spoken to a woman let alone kissed one

I relate to liams crush situation. It’s usually platonic but the admiration makes it feel romantic if that makes sense. I’ve never had a proper proper crush on a guy before bc British dudes are NASTY unless they’re from mtp.

Liam is just such a hoe and it’s so funny to kind of mischaracterise his nerdy ass that way man 😭

[nathank77]

5/18/24

9:25 p.m Edited/Added to

I just got home from the hospital. It was nice seeing her. I spent a couple hours there maybe 3. She was mostly sober cause yea she was on oxy. So we had a regular normal conversation which was really nice. She seemed sober. It was really nice. I could see my mother behind her eyes. Something I don't see ever.

She's thinking about trying to apply for fmla so she can go to rehab. Her idea not mine idk what fmla is lol but paid leave. That's all I know. I made sure to bring it up to her nurse and gave her skyes contact cause of the hours. Bc the case manger could potentially get it approved. She came in the er so drunk. They know the right things to say and now is the time to act..

So hopefully she does that. I won't give my hopes up. Cause I get it she needs to get paid and she also will return to her normal habit if she stays at home. It's sad cause she always thinks about quiting drinking when she's spent a few days away from it at the hospital... like she knows she feels better once she stops withdrawing and is more clear headed but she can't quit at home.. which i mean I do get. There is a reason rehabs exist.

I feel better having seen her. I'll go tomorrow after therapy if she doesn't come home. We could have a really good relationship if she stopped drinking that's the saddest part. I love her so much. I hope they can get it approved and I hope she actually goes. I'll visit her all the time.

But I'll expect her to come home and drink herself to death cause yea. She brought up a time when she was sober cause she was out of work... I low key remember but I think she was still drinking just less so I didn't spend time with her. I was with Katie and thats something I resent about Katie is she made me resent my mother more and stay away from her. It's important to me that my partner takes my mother as she is. I get that if she had kids, she couldn't be around the kids. I get things would be a little different but I expect her to take her as she is. And to talk to her and make eye contact with her. Katie wouldn't even make eye contact with her.

Anyways I'm still stressed about sleep... I'm worried I'll struggle.. but hopefully it was just anxiety about not seeing my mom and all those feelings that came up last night about how she could have died. And the fact that I didn't go to see her...

Idk what to do about Mark. Here are my thoughts:

1) I will respect myself more if I don't go cause he didn't accept me for who I was as a person. And I always put everyone else first and disregard my feelings. This isn't to spite Mark. This is me saying. He didn't mean anything to me and I don't need to see a dead body and people crying and I dont need to say good bye I don't want to talk about the, "good times." My dad looked at mark like he was shit. They didn't talk. Of course it's his brother but I mean why do I have to go for you? When he didn't respect my identity? My entire being? Who I am as a person?

I'm not trying to spite anyone. I feel bad he died. I feel bad for him-how he died. And for his family for my father. For everyone who loved him..but I respect myself too much to pretend he meant anything to me beyond I care that another human being suffered...

But then I will put a wall between me and my father.. bc he doesn't want to understand that for one mental pictures are a thing. Negativity is a thing. I need to be in healthy situations. And only deal with something like death if someone I truly care about is dying...

Beyond that it's my identity. Not the fact that I don't work or idk that I'm fiscally liberal or something.

2) I will likely respect myself equally if I go bc- it's the right thing to do for my father. But only for him. It's not the right thing to do for me.

I always put everyone else first. All the time constantly... and for once I don't want to but I don't want to build a wall between me and my father.

So idk what to do cause it's only the right thing for my father not for me.

That's the thing about the right thing.. the right thing isn't always obvious...

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are same."- The Fray All At Once.

The hardest thing and the right thing are the same in this case, putting myself first but it will effect me and my father's relationship.

So idk. All I know is the right thing for me is to not go. The right thing for my father is to go.

I reference that song for a reason bc of that quote. The fray is one of my favorite bands of all time and that qoute struck me when I was a teenager. And it applies to this.

The song below is really important to me:

"Looking for something I've never seen

Alone and I'm in between

The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in

A city I never been

I found a friend or should I say a foe

Said there's a few things you should know

We don't want you to see we come and we go

Here today, gone tomorrow

We're only taking turns

Holding this world

It's how it's always been

When you're older you will understand

If I say who I know it just goes to show

You need me less than I need you

Take it from me we don't give sympathy

You can trust me trust nobody

But I said you and me we don't have honesty

The things we don't want to speak

I'll try to get out but I never will

Traffic is perfectly still

We're only taking turns

Holding this world

It's how it's always been

When you're older you will understand

And then again maybe you don't

And then again maybe you won't

We're only taking turns

We're only taking turns

Holding this world

It's how it's always been

When you're older you will understand"

[soft-pine]

hey hi! i will always engage in good faith if that's what's on the table! i was a little sad when i scrolled your blog to get a sense of where you're at to see the preceding posts were all just criticism of me but that's okay i guess.

but let's dig in. you're right that there's basically no sam in "the body keeps the score" that's my b. i should have been clearer that as a deangirl (gn) that's a collection page mostly for that and i will correctly lable it as such. however, all the instances you note that would fit in that category, do fit and will be added to the "romantic encounters" page because that is more wholistic (and sometimes redundant) and anything that happens to sam should be included there. you will see, for example, that the toni bevell assault is there as well as one of the hallucination assault implications but i've added the others, thank you!! (the "solid b on the tongue action" scene from 11.10 seems to me to be lucifer commenting on how sam is kissing the girl in the flash back... but im not as familiar with samgirl readings so if i'm understanding you correctly, you're saying this also implies he was talking about assaulting/kissing sam himself?)

the soulless sam one is easy! those don't count in the math summaries. i just take note of them but i don't know if you can see the "countif" formatting on your end but anything that isn't actually sam, isn't counted as sam and vice versa etc etc!

i think the gender police ones are trickier. personally, i feel like the comment about dean and kids fits within a larger pattern of sam commenting on and being surprised by dean doing traditionally feminine things (eg. "i didnt think you knew what a kitchen was" in 8.14 and making comments about dean knowing about spas in 7.05). so i am going to leave it in. but the "take a walk type" comment certainly registers for me if not to the full extent it does for you so in it goes! again, the comment about dean not going to a bar in 5.14 is part of a pattern of sam expecting dean to flirt and be interested in women and commenting when he's not doing that so it stays.

i hear your point about "you never even tried" but the expectation that dean would and should settle down with lisa and "go to football games, live some apple pie life" is enough a part of heteronormative expectations or desires about family that even with added layers, that counts for me.

i hear you about lines that seem like a stretch and in fact as i was working on this category, i was thinking of the blurred line between that kind of thing and just being kind of a dick. i think the thing i'm trying to note with some of them is sam pointing out dean liking romantic things (the titanic) or shopping (eg for cowboy outfits) but that really is all based on how you interpret those things and i will definitely think about if they ought not go in the general judgements tab which is woefully not fleshed out right now.

bitch/jerk point taken and ill add them!

i have to push back a bit about the jack moments cause i have been litigating this for a while on here and while i'm totally open to specific ones being pointed out, i am a little grumpy about being told i must be missing so much just based on the feeling people have that i must be wrong!

yes insults and self worth is definitely mostly populated by stuff about dean or them both but that's one of the ones i'm aiming to correct on my current rewatch! i say a bunch of times in notes throughout that im doing my best but this started as just notes for me and things are skewed from that lens but i am planning on tidying it up and making those things more clear (like today bc its going around again oops).

i appreciate your time and care in reading and responding and please know that this level of critique and questioning will always always be welcome! i hope i addressed all your concerns!

also i definitely think you should do this kind of thing yourself cause you find some interesting unexpected patterns sometimes and in general data is fun (even if there's no perfect way to numerically summarize it all)

lastly, i have to say that im a survivor of familial CSA and find w*ncest shit really triggering. i've noticed a few likes since your reblog that seem to come from that side of fandom. if that's something you ship, i would appreciate if we ended our communication here.

ever ask yourself how many times do sam & dean actually apologize in supernatural? who's more conscious of money and getting food? how sam & dean's feelings about john change over the course of the show? is sam actually more scrutinized for gender expression than dean? who most often disposes of corpses? WELL! I've finally finished my incredibly, long, in depth rewatch notes document! And it has the answers to all those questions and more!