#but also a ton of other stupid takes ive seen today

[the-official-account]

Maybe understand that humans are allowed to do things they might regret and then maybe you'll get normal about children

[lovesaadiqa]

BBL Costs, Prep + Recovery

Im booked!!  I talked to a few friends who I know either got this surgery or is getting this done.  I wanted one since forever but I wanted my teeth done first.  The deciding factor came down to my birthday plans.  

Originally I was going to do a birthday tour.  First weekend of October in Miami for carnival, 2nd weekend in Atl for Freak Nik, 3rd weekend in Bahamas and finally Nola for the finale.  Well Nola was just hit with a storm so yeah that’s out. Once I totaled up the flights, hotels, food and spending money.. I was like hmm, I can get a fat ass and started this process.  Immediately looked into surgeon and Dr. Pena was my favorite, his bodies come out so mf snatched, he’s located in Columbia.  Columbian surgeons can take out way more fat than American doctors however, the fatality rate is stupid and ultimately the factor that made me choose an American doctor.  

The next step was choosing the surgeon for the body I have and the one I want.  I weigh 151 and im 5′6″ I’m considered a “skinny bbl”.  I started researching doctors in Atlanta (so I could recover at home) and Miami (like duh).  I chose to go with Dr. Desouza in Miami with CG Cosmetics for a few reasons.  First, I love the look of his skinny bbl’s on other women with the same body type, weight and height as me.  Secondly, he was having a special for the end of the year (lipo 360, bbl, jplasma for $6500 for the surgeon I wanted) this almost sold me but it was the surgery date!!  Jplasma is skin tightening procedure to help with loose skin, you can only get this with lipo.  When they perform lipo they created canals under your skin to remove the fat.. well those same canals are essential when getting Jplasma.

Ok so I decided on the surgeon, contacted the cosmetic group and had a consultation which is pretty much just front, side and back view pictures.. I think they use this to make sure you don’t need a tummy tuck prior to surgery.  They also asked me questions about previous surgeries and if i’ve ever had anesthesia.  The next step went pretty quickly, we talked about what would be lipo’d (abs, waist, back.. I wanted inner thighs, an additional 2k, but was advised to wait on my pre-op to decide), when I wanted to book and how I'd pay.  My consult was on August 30th.. I bitched up when she attempted to take my payment.  I am a money hoarder and spending that much money made me feel like I was being financially irresponsible.  I called one of my Aunt’s who I felt wouldn’t judge me and also give me sound advise.  We talked about my fears, why I was getting the procedure and of course money.  My Aunt gave me excellent advice, reassured me and is a professional CNA who offered to accompany me so yeah I dare not turn that down, lol.  August 31, 2021, I called my coordinator (the contact between me and my surgeon) and told her I wanted to book, she asked me when I’d be ready and I requested first available which was 9/20/21!! Excited is an understatement.. I'd be 24 days post op on my birthday.  After I calmed down I paid in full for multiple reasons:  had to in order to secure the date, all surgeries book in this year had to be paid in full, it was the only way to get the discount.. My coordinator gave me so much information I couldn’t see straight (I was also high as shit off life thinking about a fat ass and me in the same sentence).. she emailed + texted everything, congratulated me and we hung up.

I get the emails:  “raise you hemoglobin with these vitamins” I purchased vitamin C $2, folic acid $2, iron $3 and floradix $35 - amazon, I take them as directed on the bottle and start eating my ass off (just to give my surgeon more to work with, lol).  Talking to one of my gf’s I realize I have to be cleared for surgery?!?!  What?  I open my email and sure enough I have to have blood work done 15-20 prior to surgery, it was 9/3 and a Friday.. SHIT!! I fly over to an Piedmont Wellstreet urgent care facility as recommended by my friend (she started this process as well so I was crazy grateful for her experience and that she shared it with me).  Urgent care was full but opened the next day, my ass was in that line at 7:32 am, I was the 13th person in line and they opened at 8.  I get to the desk and my appointment is at 10:30 and I'd have to pay the office visit fee to be seen, it was $155.  I came back at my allotted time and was told how much all of my labs would be.. $302.  My labs were to be processed and faxed to my surgeon by 9/9 because Labor Day weekend so.. yeah.  

I discuss accommodations with my Aunt and realize it’s cheaper, safer and more beneficial for me to go to a recovery house.  I search high and low baby and most of them were booked.. found one regardless with lymphatic massages included called Flawless Recovery House.  This wasn’t my 1st-6th option but the one with availability on my surgery date so I paid a deposit to hold onto my spot.  Total was $1312 for 5 days with 5 massages, I paid a $200 deposit.  Next, I booked my flight, round trip $116 with Delta.  My surgery date is on a Monday, I have to have my pre-op done on the Saturday prior so I booked a hostel from the 18th-20th on booking.com for $66.  I know I could have gotten an airbnb or hotel room but I wanted this experience.  I want to go to Amsterdam and stay in a hostel so I need to know what to expect.  Also I cannot party, smoke, drink or eat before surgery so fuck it.. a hostel will do, lol. 

I smoke big fucking weed and watched someone else’s bbl journey today and realize if I fail the drug test, my surgery will be cancelled and it’ll cost me $1500 to reschedule.  Boy the shit sent me into panic mode like I've never experienced before, only to find out the weed isn’t the issue nicotine is, it slows down your heart rate.  I can smoke weed just not out of a wood or a rillo and nicotine takes 3-4 days to get out of your system so a bitch barely made it.  I just won't be smoking until I get back home lol.  Just to be super informative no alcohol, diabetic meds, cocaine, pcp or anything that will fool with your heart or makes your bleed.  Today is 9/11 and im one week out from my pre-op... my body is a joke cause I haven’t gained a single pound and normally it’s nothing for me to put on weight.  I took my acrylics off, when you’re put to sleep they monitor your oxygen levels with those clamps they put on your fingers and they aren't the most accurate when you have on dark polish or acrylics.  I also cannot wear lashes cause when they go to fill this ass in I'll be laying flat on my face.  I mean my hair didn’t have requirements but I figure since im naked I might as well be bald.. y'all should see me rn, I look very much like a young man but im hype.  I’ll be back later to tell y'all what I pack and purchase prior to my flight.  Imma put the dates at the end of each update.. today is 9/11/21

My surgery group send me list of supplies  that I would need and the cost came to roughly $1100.  Naive me was definitely going to purchase everything on the list from them until I saw Leslie’s (@prettyhaute - on ig) bbl vlog.  I went on amazon and got away with murder.  Below I’ll list what I purchased and the price I paid versus what the surgery center was quoting me.

Faja - I paid $74.69 - Quoted $160.50 || BBL Pillow - $26.99 - Qouted $42.80 || Arnica pills - $8.95 - Quoted $37.45 || Compression socks - $13.99 for 3 - Quoted $10.70 for 1 || Foams - $17.99 for 3 - Quoted $64.20 for 3 || Scar Cream  $$29.82 - Quoted $80.25 || Arnica Gel - $7.92 - Quoted $21.40 || 

There a shit ton of items on the suggested list that I didn't purchase but way more items that wasn’t on the list I still need for instance:

Crocs, benadryll, robe, adult diapers, straws, earplugs, liquid iv, stool softener, antiseptic body wash, avocado float, back board, urinal, pineapple juice, throat calm, 3 moo-moo’s and a massage roller (the crocs are the only thing on this list that cost more than $20).  My flight is at 7:15a tomorrow and im so damn nervous but excited.  I will spend Saturday and Sunday gallivanting around Miami and then body , ody, ody, ody, ody, ody.  I still have to send my entire itinerary to my aunt but I think im all set.  9/17/21

Pre-op was packed but I went on Saturday and was in and out in an hour.  I was charged for a covid $80, 3 post-op massages $150 and a drug test $20.  I went over my clearance paper work with a medical assistant who also took 9 before pics of me.  Keep in mind, your surgery can be cancelled or reschedule if all of you labs aren’t at the surgery center on pre-op day.  I cannot stress how important it is to take your labs with you!!!  Mine were faxed over from urgent care but I was also provided copies which I took with me.  The photos were sent directly to my surgeon to analyze before surgery.  From my knowledge, I was also to be fitted for my faja but that never happened, do NOT leave pre-op without a faja!!! I paid for 3 massages from CG totaling $150 which I regret badly.  I do NOT recommend getting massages from the surgery center.  There are 4-5 different surgeons performing surgeries on any given day and they do at minimum 4 surgeries per day, that’s at least 15-20 different girls with the same surgery and post-op date.  CG had 2 massage therapists to drain 15-20 girls.  I was drained for 9 mins, your drain massages should last at least 45 mins for maximum drainage.  I only used 1 of the 3 massages I paid for and was denied a refund.  That is a huge downside to CG once they have your money good fucking luck getting it back! Ps. Ellie was a royal fucking cunt!!!!!  She told my medical assistant that I didn’t need a faja so I was never fitted for one and woke up out of surgery with a binder on versus a faja like I should have.  I wanted to slap the shit out of her and took the charge on the chin but I wanted my surgery so I refrained.. I was put on a 12 hour fast and contacted an hour after pre-op with my surgery address and time.  My fast started at 7pm the day before surgery and my surgery time wa at 6:30a, there was a $300 for showing up to surgery late.  All I could bring to surgery was compression socks and a faja (that I didn’t have), I was instructed to bathe with dial (the orange one) before surgery to make sure my incisions weren’t infected, no lotion, perfume, deodorant, makeup, nails, lashes, no jewelry/piercing or hair products and no personals ie, purse money, wallet also you will need a companion or surgery will be cancelled.  I’ll upload all my paperwork at the end.   Surgery day arrive at the surgery center at 6:15 am how about the entire fucking staff was late!  Bitch I was outside in Miami alone with compression socks on and a moo moo, LIVID.  No one arrived until 7:10 am, baby I wanted to kill everyone but fuck it, it was go time.  I’m escorted to a room, changed into a paper gown, piss tested, my labs were reviewed again and finally my surgeon comes in!  We were in the exam room alone which was weird cause I was asshole naked but he kept it 1000% professional, he asked me what I wanted and I say “the fattest ass” he looked me dead in my eyes without a single hesitation and said “it’ll heal like a diaper”  LMAO.  I showed him areas that I wanted lipo’d to death and he marked me up, I didn’t aka e picture of my mark ups but shit was rolling by then, he walked out I put my paper gown back on and the anesthesiologist walked in.  I expressed my biggest concerns to him, I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to wake up during surgery.  He explain why the drug test was so important because certain street drugs will have adverse effect with the anesthesia.  My anesthesiologist walked me up to the surgery room and I hopped on the table, they put massage boots on both of my feet and inserted an iv, the mask was put on my face and my heart rate went to heaven, I wanted to shit myself bro.  The anesthesiologist told me to make a tight fist, I asked what time it was, 8:08am.. I woke up to a nurse helping me into a wheelchair with a binder around my waist and I was scream crying because my entire body ached, I didn't know where I was and the anesthesia is no hoe.  I was escorted to my recovery house’s transportation van and taken to my damn bed.  

I chose Flawlesss Recovery House with Ms. Opal.  I paid a $200 deposit before 2 weeks before surgery and the balance the day I left.  I opted for a 5 day stay.  I loved it there bro and couldn’t imagine trying to recover at a hotel or air bnb!  There were nurses there 24-7, I was roomed with one other girl but the house had a total of 4 bedrooms, one of which no one occupied and the door was always shut but my room was the only room with 2 beds, the others had 3 beds.  I had a call button, it was love, the nurses came expeditiously when I rang it.  They made 3 home cooked meals per day and I don’t eat meat, they accommodated me with no hesitation.  I loved it man.  So couple hours after surgery I attempted to use the bathroom on my own and blacked out, the anesthesia is really fucking strong and took an entire day to wear off (for me), the nurses helped me pee in a cup until then.  Post op day 9/21/21, I went in to make sure I looked good, got a faja finally and received that lousy as drain.  Back to the recovery house I was able to walk finally w/o passing out and in went my foams, I also could pee by myself with the use of a urinal.  I was constipated for 2 days, first bowel movement was on post op day 2. I paid for an independent massage therapist named Tatiana, she used a ultrasound machine to massage me so I cancelled her.  When I took my faja off for my massage it was washed and dried by the time I was done, I took a shower and put my faja on with my foams.  I cancelled Tatiana because don’t let nobody use no machine on you until you are at least 2 weeks post op, hand massages only.  All the girls were getting massaged by the literal best massage therapist (in my opinion) her name is Brittany, I could cry she was EVERYTHING, I was tender but she put the painful massage theory to bed!  She taught me how to drain myself and how to open my incisions without the q-tip looking thing.  In 45 mins she drained 5 of those doggy pad things worth of fluid off of me.  I received 4 massages in 5 days.  I left on Saturday 9/25/2021 on Sunday, back in Atlanta, I received my 5th massage and that when I was told I have not one but 2 seromas.  I swear on everything I love it was because everyone wakes up from surgery with a faja on but not me (Fuck you Ellie, lil bitch) I had on a binder (its what they use for tummy tucks).  The lady who did my 1st massage in Atlanta was Bri, not gone post her ig cause she did a damn good massage but when I asked her to syringe drain me the good sis stuck this long ass needle in my seroma but could get the fluid out, cancelled her too (the massage was good asf tho but nah).  Tired and tried I bit the bullet and booked a packed with Dream Body ($455 for 5 massage, I think, don’t quote me look it up on there site and follow them on ig)  because they are the biggest name in Atlanta, Jayda Wayda goes to them.  The  most painful massage yet, yes Michelle lil ass is so strong but she will get the fluid up off you.  She made me tear up bad and no matter how much I screamed or even tried to push her off of me she understood the assignment, Michelle helped me get back into my faja after my massage and told me my faja was too big and to have it altered.  She recommended a lady on ig @siri2sir but to know me is to know I altered my shit myself.  Allow me to tell y'all, I look good asf!!!!!!! 10/4/2021 

[botanyshitposts]

As someone so prone to hyperfixate on something after reading some other person hyperfixate on that something, reading your blog is kinda painful. After reading about the prehistoric lads, I want to go do some isoetes research and bam, me too stupid for plonts

oh man this is a mood....through a series of convoluted events i got my hands on a raspberry pi 3 and finally got it working today so my immediate hyperfixation is playing with it, even though the way i see it my stigmaria project is way more important lol. hoping to get myself back on track tomorrow. right now i have 28 papers starred to read and take notes on, and if i can knock out 14 then that would be great, but if i could knock out 5 or 6, that would be just as good. not planning on reading all 400+ when many of them are just passing mentions, but getting the most relevant ones out of the way would be ideal. 

(can you believe how adult that plan sounds? i dont feel qualified to be writing plans like that. ive seen some people refer to this blog as a studyblr but i see actual studyblrs out there with like 500 perfectly color coded notes, and i cannot see it, because all my notes for classes are in one (1) huge spiral notebook in one shade of pencil with one subject running into the next with wild abandon, and im like. idk like....could you imagine)

also i refuse to believe anyone is ‘too stupid’ for plonts. a huge percentage of botany is terminology, and like any science another huge percentage is just learning how to think scientifically. botany is one of the most vocabulary-heavy sciences out there, and when i first started reading botany papers in high school i had no fucking idea what was happening and would just highlight everything i didnt know the definition of and google it so reading like, a 4 page paper would take like 2 hours, but goddamn if i didn’t learn a ton fumbling through it with absolutely no background whatsoever. having background in the biological sciences definitely helps immensely with researching this stuff on your own (that’s why school is a thing), but those classes to me are just as much about learning how to think as they are about the actual content. what i’m trying to say is that the way i see it, it takes practice, and regardless of how fluent you are, engaging in these things makes you a better scientist then you were previously. it’s building a skillset you can apply to a ton of other stuff, which is pretty cool. 

[oliviastan17]

Just a dream (5/7)

Warnings: 18+, all the fluff in the world, language, smut

Length: 3.6k

A/N: I am a nurse so this is way more medically accurate than what is needed for the story. I just started typing and all this nurse stuff came out (#nurselife) and I took a lot out but sorry if it’s too much. There’s nothing graphic though. I put a lot of gifs in because I don’t feel like I can accurately describe what I dreamt. I own none of them. DO NOT POST ON ANY OTHER WEBSITE! Please reblog and I love reading comments!

It took 2 months but today was the day. It was packing day. Your brother needed to drop Harper off because she had a fever and couldn’t stay at daycare. She seemed to be feeling okay after some ibuprofen and was playing with some toys with Sebastian (or so you thought) while you worked on packing.

You walked into your bathroom to find Sebastian sitting on the floor facing away from you and Harper brushing something on his face. Wait, is that my makeup brush?

“When did you guys come in here?”

“He’s almost ready,” Harper informed you.

“Ready for what?”

“The party. Auntie, you sit there,” Harper commanded.

“Okay then,” you said sitting on the edge of your bathtub. Harper had been really into makeup lately so you exactly what she was doing and couldn’t wait to see her masterpiece.

As Sebastian turned around you gasped, “Oh, Harper! He is so beautiful! You did such a good job!”

He had red lipstick covering his mouth and part of the stubble on his chin. There was charcoal grey sparkly eye shadow all the way above his eye brows and his cheeks were a bright pink. Sebastian just looked at you and smiled as he held up his hands.

“Oh, you did his nails too? They look amazing!”

“It’s your turn!” she exclaimed.

Just then your brother walked through your door effectively saving you from a makeover.

“I hear your daddy,” you said and then Harper ran out to see him.

 You and Sebastian followed and as your brother took in the sight of Sebastian and laughed.

“Hey kiddo! You feeling better?” he asked as she ran up to him.

“She had motrin at 4:30,” you informed him.

“Thanks Y/n,” he said looking around at all the boxes. “Man, it’s weird to see this place packed up. Am I seeing you before you leave?”

“Probably not. Did Mom call you to have you help move what I don’t take into storage?”

“Yeah, we’re coming on Saturday. Well drive safe. Call me when you get there.” He offered a handshake to Sebastian and said, “Sorry about all that,” he said referring to the makeup.

Sebastian shook his hand, “It’s no problem.”

Harper gave Sebastian a hug and then you knelt down to hug her. You didn’t want to let her go. “I love you forever.”

“Love you!” She said laughing while you kissed her cheek and then blew a raspberry making her laugh. You had tried your best to prepare her for not seeing you as often but you weren’t sure how much she actually understood.

Your brother came over to give you a hug.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done without you,” he said as he hugged you.

“Love you. Have Noah FaceTime me later okay?”

“I will,” he said as he turned and he and Harper walked out of your house. You closed the door behind him and Sebastian wrapped you in a hug. He was trying to say comforting things but as you looked up at him you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing.

“I can’t take you seriously when you look like that,” you said laughing. “There’s makeup wipes in my bathroom.”

“No, I think this is a good look. Get used to the new me,” he said leaning in to kiss you but you playfully dodged it. He had too good of a grip on your waist so you ended up with lipstick all over your face.

“You want to order in? I’m not taking you anywhere looking like that and you just ruined what little makeup I had on.”

“Sure. Whatever you want,” he said.

As he walked away you took a look around at all the boxes around the house. You were definitely sad to be leaving but you were also excited about your future. It was scary but it would be an adventure. Everything with him was an adventure. Even something as boring as packing was fun with him.

After one more day of packing, you did it. You packed up your car and drove (well Sebastian drove) to New York. The drive up went as smoothly as it could. Between his carpool karaoke and the games you created on the way it really was fun.

On the second day of the road trip your brother called you to inform you that Harper was put on antibiotics for strep throat and that she also came down with bronchitis. Great you thought as you remembered her coughing directly in your face.

Three days later and you were at the doctor for the same thing. Nothing was able to stop you from coughing so the doctor gave you some cough medicine. The good kind with codeine.

Sebastian was doing a great job taking care of you and went to three different stores to find apricot nectar because that’s what your mom would give you when you were sick. When he got home the first thing he heard you say was, “Oh my god, Chris! Watch out!”

Why is Chris here? He rounded the corner and found you on the couch watching Civil War stoned out of your mind.

“What are you doing?”

“That’s not your ass,” you said pointing at the screen.

He just laughed, handed you your nectar and went into his office.

His office was very close to the living room so he could hear every comment you made even though you were hoarse and could not stop laughing.

“Oh, that was so hot!”

“It’s not Bucky’s fault Tony!”

“Back the fuck off T’Challa!”

He finally gave up and walked out of the office and over to the couch. He lifted your legs up, sat down and laid your legs across his lap.

“I thought you didn’t want to watch?”

“I want to hear your commentary.”

“Hey, can you introduce me to him?”

“Downey?”

“No, Tom. Cause if I was 10 years younger…”

“Get out,” he said pointing at the door.

You laughed and grabbed his shirt to pull him closer for a kiss but then you stopped yourself.

“No, I don’t want to get you sick,” you said as he kept moving closer to you.

“I’ll take my chances,” he said before he kissed you. You fell asleep soon after.

Living together came easy. Everything was going great. You had found work doing some consulting for a production company and could mostly work from home. He had a few months until he started a new project so he was home. When you finished work you two would go explore the city. Some mornings you would go for a run, some you would stay in bed and just be together.

You hadn’t felt up to running the last couple of weeks. You just felt so tired but now you felt like you were gaining some weight because you spent the last 2 weeks being lazy around the apartment and eating crappy food. Today when Seb got home from his run and you were still laying in bed curled up he got a little worried.

“It’s probably just a stomach bug. I’m fine. I just need to rest,” you reassured him.

The next day you weren’t much better but you still got up and did some work in his office. Then the following day Sebastian wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“Alright, that’s it. We’re going.”

“No, I’m fine Seb. Really. I promise I’m…” your sentence was cut off by you taking in a sharp breath as you grabbed your stomach in pain.

“No, you’re not. It’s been 2 days Y/n. Let’s go,” he said as he reached for your hand to help you up.

After a short cab ride you arrived at the hospital and were in with the triage nurse.

“Any chance of pregnancy? Last menstrual period?”

“I’m on birth control. They are really light if I even have one at all. I don’t really remember.”

After a ton of other questions and taking your vitals she brought you back into a room.

“Just change into this gown and the doctor will be right in.”

You rolled your eyes at the gown.

“Just put it on. Humor me,” Sebastian said.

“This is stupid. I’m fine,” you said but you had your hand resting on your stomach.

“Stop being so stubborn, babe. Just do what they tell you to.”

 “Hi, are you Y/n?” a nurse asked walking into the room.

“Yes,” you said as you sat on the bed. You weren’t going to put the gown on unless they absolutely made you.

“And your birthday?” she asked looking at your hospital bracelet.

“Y/b/d.”

“Okay, I’m Caryn and I’m going to get a blood sample and put an IV in. On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the absolute worst, what would you rate your pain at?”

“Maybe a 6.”

“Is it constant or does it come and go?” she asked while getting the supplies out of the locked drawers.

“Comes and goes.”

You answered all of her questions. It’s been 2 days of intermittent cramping, no bleeding. You were tired and felt kind of bloated and were sure this was just a stomach bug.

The nurse drew your blood and put the IV in then walked out of the room. Sebastian stood up and leaned over to kiss your forehead. He started walking around the room snooping in the cabinets and drawers.  He pulled the otoscope down from the wall and turned the light on.

“What do they do with this?”

“Have you ever seen a doctor? That’s what they use to look in your ears.”

His mouth pulled up into a frown as he nodded his head. He put it back and then started to pull the covers for the otoscope out of the dispenser and placed them on his fingers.

“It’s like those me me’s of Chris with the fingernails.”

“God, my boyfriend is a 12 year old. And it’s meme. Not me me.” You knew he was just trying to distract you and it was kind of working because he was so adorable.

The doctor then came in the room and introduced herself.

“Okay, so we got the results of your tests back and it seems you are pregnant.”

“I’m sorry…I’m what?”

“Your blood tests came back positive for pregnancy. I’m guessing you didn’t know?”

You and Sebastian looked at each other in shock.

“No, I’m on birth control.”

“Birth control is only 99% effective so becoming pregnant when taking it is rare but not unheard of. Have you been on any antibiotics recently?”

“Yeah, like 2 months ago.”

“That could definitely be a factor as well. Some antibiotics lessen the effectiveness of birth control. Now you have had no bleeding so that is a good sign but I’m going to do an ultrasound to check on everything okay?”

Frozen in disbelief you didn’t answer so Sebastian did.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

You had stopped listening and weren’t sure when exactly when she left. Sebastian brought you out of your haze. Sitting on the bed he grabbed your hand and said, “Hey, look at me.”

“This can’t be happening. How did I not know?” you asked. As you looked at his face he seemed so unbelievably calm.

“Whatever happens, we’re going to get through it. We are going to be okay. I’ve got you, okay?”

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed.

“Come on,” he said as he pulled you into his arms. He lifted your head up to kiss you.

“I love you.”

“Love you.”

The doctor came in bringing in an ultrasound machine and you laid on your back. Sebastian was sitting in his chair next to your bed and was holding your hand between his and resting them under his chin.

As you turned your head and looked at him he smiled and said, “I’ve got you.”

You forced a smile. The room was quiet with the lights turned down and you were holding your breath for what seemed like an hour while the doctor started the ultrasound. You were too scared to look at the screen so you just stared at Sebastian.

“Okay, so based on the measurements I would say you are about 7-8 weeks along. If you look here, this is the amniotic sac and this is the baby right here,” the doctor said pointing at the screen. You turned and looked at what she was pointing at. “And this flickering here is your baby’s heartbeat.”

You stared at the little moving black and white form on the screen and you brought your free hand up to your mouth while Sebastian let out a breath and kissed the hand he was holding.

“Is the baby okay?” Sebastian asked the doctor.

“I would say so, yes. The heart beat is strong. You’re still going to want to go see an obstetrician as soon as you can but I think everything looks great here. Some women experience pain in the beginning of pregnancy because their body is preparing for the growing uterus so your pain is not unusual.”

You were ugly crying at this point but you didn’t care. You had gone from being in pain to being a mom not knowing if her child was okay or not to being the happiest you have ever been.

“I’m going to print some pictures for you and I’ll get you started on some prenatal vitamins. You can take tylenol for the pain. The nurse will be in shortly to take out your IV. Congratulations!”

“Thank you,” you said as she walked out of the room. You looked at Sebastian and started to say something but were cut off by him crashing his lips against yours.

“You have no idea how happy you just made me,” he said hugging you, then kissing you, then hugging, and kissing and all over again. You had never seen him this happy before. He looked like pure joy wrapped in bliss and covered with all the love in the world.

“Oh my god…Oh god. What if I’m not ready? Oh my god, I’m not ready!“ you started freaking out and panicking.

“Are you kidding? You’re going to be the best mom. I’ve seen you with Noah and Harper. You always know what to do and they love you so much. You’re going to be amazing. I have no doubts.”

“I have doubts! Me! I have doubts!”

“Y/n,” he said holding your face and looking deep in your eyes. “Let’s go home and I’ll tell you 1000 reasons I know you are going to be a good mom. And I’m going to tell you over and over until you believe me.”

His eyes always had a way of hypnotizing you and calmed you down.

“Ok,” you said as you wrapped your arms around him and he held you tight.

“I love you so much,” he said.

“I love you too. You better be right or I’m going to be so mad at you.”

It took him 2 days but he eventually convinced you. Then it was his turn to freak out. It was so nice of you two to take turns. He had been so busy keeping you calm and convincing you that you would be a good mom that he didn’t even think about what this made him.

“You know how I know you are going to be a good dad? You don’t give up when things get hard. You let Harper put makeup on you. You fixed her toy that she broke. You love me so you are obviously smart. You are so wonderfully caring and considerate. And your mom raised you right. You’ll know what to do by just being her son. I have no doubts.”

“None?”

“I have zero doubts,” you repeated as you put your arms up around his neck and kissed him. He had his arms low and around your waist. “We have 7 months to prepare. We are going to be fine.”

“You better be right or I’m going to be so mad at you,” he repeated your words back to you. Even when he is scared he is still trying to make you laugh.

With both of you finally done with your freak outs you decided to keep the news between just the two of you for a little while. It was sort of fun keeping a secret. You had both known for about a month so you were now 12 weeks pregnant and definitely starting to show.

You and Sebastian FaceTimed with your family and told them to which your mom cried happy tears. You and Sebastian went to dinner with his mom and stepdad and told them. They were thrilled of course. His mom told you, “Good luck with finding a name. Nothing goes with Stan!” You told a couple of your close friends back in Atlanta and they were sworn to secrecy as were Seb’s close friends.

They all had the same follow up question to the news: when’s the wedding? You never really gave Sebastian a chance to say anything because your response was, “I have bigger priorities right now.”

Everyone asked. Everyone except Chris. God bless him.

“Not drinking Y/n? Are you pregnant or something?” he asked jokingly when he met you and Sebastian for dinner while doing press in NYC.

When you said nothing and Sebastian just smiled Chris turned into a child on Christmas morning.

“No way! Seriously? I’m so happy for you! This is so great!” He stood up and hugged you and then Sebastian. “So I’m like the godfather right? I mean I’m the reason this is happening at all.”

“Yes, Chris you will be the one doing all the hard work,” you sarcastically responded.

“Well, Chris…it’s a great name. Something to think about,” Chris offered.

“Yeah, not happening. Sorry man,” Sebastian said

Dinner was spent catching up. You hadn’t seen Chris in at least 5 months and probably only talked a few times. Sebastian talks to him more. You and Chris were weird. You could work together every day for months and then not see or talk for months but you always picked up right where you left off.

After telling Chris 3 more times that he would not be naming his child Chris, Sebastian looked at you and asked, “You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go. Chris…thanks for dinner.”

“I’m so happy for you guys,” he said giving you a huge hug and then one to Sebastian. “Hey, I’m back in New York in a few months so if I don’t see you before then just do me a favor. Promise me you’ll think about the name. Middle name would work!”

“Quick. Just walk away,” you said grabbing Sebastian’s hand and walking away.

Once home you went straight into the shower while he returned a call to his manager. You were in there for maybe 5 minutes when Seb walked into the bathroom on the way to the closet. As he walked in he saw you through the steam and the glass doors. Your hands were running through your wet hair and your stomach was beautifully plumped out with his baby.

When you noticed him standing there you simply opened the door and asked “Are you coming in or not?”

He immediately undid his belt and zipper and walked out of his pants while taking his shirt off. Stepping in to join you he walked you backwards until your back hit the wall. Despite it being a hot shower the wall was cold and you took in a deep breath as the temperature change shocked you. His lips were on yours while his hands were massaging your breasts as he leaned against you. You brought your hand down to stroke his cock and he sighed into your mouth.

He slowly moved his hands down your sides stopping at your hips and tightening his grip to pull you even closer. One hand continued to trail down your side to cup your ass and the other reached up to move your stroking arm up around his neck so you would have something to hold on to. With both hands on your ass now he lifted you off the ground and your legs were hooked around his waist.

Wasting no time he lined you up perfectly and with one thrust he was in. He gently moved his hips so he was moving in and out while his mouth was on yours. You broke the kiss when he began to speed up his rhythm and he buried his face in your neck. Your grip on his shoulders was getting tighter and he knew you were close so he didn’t hold back. Giving you all he had he felt you tighten around him as your back arched and his name passed your lips. He loved hearing you say his name and it took only a few more thrusts for him to come.

You brought your hands up to cup his face and kissed him as he set you back on your feet. He told you he loved you as his hands rested on your stomach. 

“I love you too. I’d love you even more if you went out and got me a cheesecake.”

“Whatever you want,” he said with a loving smile.

Next Chapter

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[rqs902]

on one hand im happy that this means there’s gonna be a lot of official content since the eps are supposedly so long that they gotta cut them in half. 

youku has been pretty consistent with giving us a relatively good amount of official content. but on the other hand im always slightly concerned that by splitting up perfs, those whose perfs get aired first will have a competitive voting advantage since (as long as they do well) those kids will have a full extra day of persuading people to vote for them through their stage performance. It’s not as huge of a deal as when other shows split performances across weeks, because a whole week ahead is a much bigger advantage than one day ahead. but every day can help those who need the votes. at least akey and zhan yu got aired today.... feels bad for jin fan because he really needs the votes. 

also another down side is just this show’s eps are SO LONG they’re eating up a ton of my free time LOOOL but thats how these shows always go for me... because I always end up taking like double the amount of time to watch an ep, just to pause, digest, rewatch sections that i like (sometimes multiple times), make sure i understand, etc. i feel like these shows always consume my life during the few months they’re airing so i’ll just enjoy it while I can HAH

..

anyway ep 4 starting with singapore buddies huang junrong and sun yinghao speaking english with their singapore accents!!!!! lol can totally relate to yinghao tho, like when you cant read chinese you gotta find someone to translate for you

yang chaowen with dog!!!!! i wonder if the dog really likes him LOL they seem to appear together on camera often. akey with chen junhao!! and zuo linjie!! making friends!!!

lol i feel like the group leader choice method is some sort of extended advertisement for knock off apple products lol.........

HAHAHHAHAHAH LIN MO’S VIDEO STARTING OFF ALL FORMAL AND NERVOUS AND THEN XUE EN’S CUTS HIM WITH HIM BEING STUPID. I LOVE IT. there’s two types of people. how did they not vote for xue en HAHAHAH

interesting that they picked the songs for the self-composition group ahead of time, rather than make them make the song as part of the competition (looks at produce camp... fireman is my jam but the east binhe road team ran into complications with that, so I can see why it’d be more risky to let them do that again) but lucky for zheng renyu and li chenxu tho! I’m interested in hearing their music so i dont mind, just kinda wondering what the other kids who picked composition would’ve brought to the table

oh theyre still giving yan an screen time... every time i see him im happy but then feel oof

oo zhanyu’s first stage look is just so nice oof xikan talking to lin mo but lin mo looks ded and is all eye patched up :( 

LOL su er all jubilant over a sexy concept song - good luck with that

oooof this shot of jin fan’s perfect side angle 

aw akey being bested by shaopeng at every match... but im so excited to see what they can do together, theyre both so good at making music!!!! the resident music makers for each of their respective groups, tyger and coreone, theyre both so talented! def shaopeng has and deserves the credit but hopefully people will see akey contributed too bc im sure the two of them really led together, being the most experienced rappers hahaha

WHOA csp opening up to qu boyu and saying he has older step brother and sister who have a different mom from him and encouraging him to just be real when writing because there will be people out there who connect with his lyrics awww hes really taking this child under is wing and teaching him from zero, hes really like a big bro taking care of him and enjoying watching him grow. im glad csp is opening up and is self reflective enough to realize that he hasnt done so enough in the past and that he should involve himself more with the others. 

im happy cui shaopeng got to feature in the bts clip for his group, he deserves it and hasnt gotten much screentime relative to his talent before. im happy akey got a little time and some recognition for his skills too. honestly just happy akey FINALLY got to do a rap stage..... wish we couldve gotten more huang enyu and huang junrong but im happy they got to show off their vocals!! for being young vocals in a rap performance, their stage presence were both really good too! csp’s entrance is epic wow. 

wow this is the most hyper performance ive ever seeeen wow im so happy for akey because we know how long hes been waiting for a rap stage and wow csp’s leadership must be top notch to get this group to somehow be cohesive with such a not cohesive song LOL i respect that csp really respected akey’s skill and let him shine too. akey was a second c if ive ever seen one lol. they both got to shine and so did everyone else in their group, which is telling of his leadership and why this stage turned out so well that even all the teachers like jackson were so hype LOL 

OOF shen bohuai and lin mo talking about how akey’s lyrics are so moving like lin mo wanted to cry and bohuai felt like he could tell akey’s been through a lot

lol xikan and bohuai being all tough and lin mo being like lol i feel the pressure. shaopeng smiling like a proud parent when boyu gets good comments c: oof rip akey and shaopeng’s votes tho :c 

lin ran’s look tho LOL but zhan yu’s is so questionable?? why is he in this group ?? LOL but i guess its his turn to do something cutesy. mannnn why does zhan yu look like hes surrounded by children but hes not even that much older//?? hahahha ooooo is this the center zhan yu of legend?? ?hahahah yayyy hopefully more people will notice him! you know when i heard zhan yu was gonna be center, this was not the type of song i was imagining, but hey if it takes a cutesy happy song and a bunch of little kids around to get zhan yu a chance to be center, ill take it! i wish they’d show us some practice footage?? im confused why there isnt any?? i think sun boran’s stage presence is good! zhan yu’s voice so powerful yess somehow he managed to show off different aspects of his vocal skills in this very plain song LOL  im surprised lin ran didnt stand out a lot but when they pointed out that he purposefully put himself in the back to protect his team members i think that makes sense bc he knows being cute isn’t going to be able to win them as many votes but if the less popular kids in his group dont get votes, its a lot more devastating for them than for himself. lin ran didnt want this song and he didnt want to be cute but he really didnt want kids to suffer from choosing his group. lin ran has a cute image but i appreciate that this time we got to see a more serious side of him. isnt it ridiculous that theyve literally trashed zuo qibo and lin mo about being old but then literally i didnt realize until now sun yinghao is the oldest??? (he looks really young wow and so tiny aw) but also like they never bring up akey being old either?? some sort of weird bias going on... but i mean good for yinghao and akey lol 

but aw im glad theyre giving yinghao some attention... 10 years and starting off with jackson? oof... 

ayy zhan yu getting the most votes!! 

kou cong being older bro to zlj but also ultimate mentor to cxh aw yay for him getting some recognition from the judges and jin fan supporting him too heheh but it says a lot that he recognizes cxh’s efforts and wanted to put in his own effort to help him

i wonder if them giving zlj less audience votes is an elaborate scheme to get him more pity votes from the general public lol.... well im excited to see the rest of the stages tomorrow! 

[freddiesaysalright]

Catching Up Part VII

A Joe Mazzello x Reader Story!

Summary: Reader is a writer for an entertainment news network and after Joe comes in to do an interview, they reconnect. Unexpectedly, they’re having a child together. 

Word Count: 3.1K

Tag List: @crazylittlethingcalledobsession @jennyggggrrr @somethinginthewayiam @grandaddy-roger-trash @rogerloveshiscar @hopefully-aesthetically-pleasing @danamaleksworld @mrsmazzello @reedusteinrambles @rexorangecouny @caborhapch @kurt-nightcrawler @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls If you’d like to be added let me know!

Part I  Part II  Part III  Part IV  Part V  Part VI 

Part VII here we go!!!

Joe checked his phone when he returned to hair and makeup. They were about halfway through the photoshoot. He saw a voicemail from you and smiled.

Rami approached and sat in the chair beside him. “Something good from Y/N?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t listened to it yet,” he said, putting in his passcode and pulling up the voicemail.

Gwilym and Ben entered the room as well.

“Oh, is it something naughty?” Ben joked.

“It might be, hold on,” Joe returned, laughing.

He listened to the first part, smiling as he heard you compliment his lovemaking. He frowned when he heard the knock on the door.

“Everything okay?” asked Gwilym.

Joe shook his head, bringing the phone away from his ear and putting it on speaker so the guys could listen as well. He turned the volume up as loud as it would go and strained to hear what was being said, but it was too far away for anything substantial to come through. Then your voice came in loud and clear.

“Stand on the other side of the counter. Away from me. Put your hands on the counter.”

He’d never heard you sound so cold.

“How’ve you been, Y/N?” said a man’s voice.

“Who is that?” asked Rami.

Joe shrugged and kept listening.

“Nope, we’re not doing that. Say what you need to say and get out.”

“Can’t be anyone good the way she’s talking to him,” said Ben.

“Who’s Joe?” asked the man’s voice. “He’s got a heart next to his name.”

Joe felt the power shift through the phone and it made his stomach drop.

“He’s my boyfriend,” you said. “Give me my phone, Nick. I said you can’t touch anything.”

Joe released a frustrated sigh. He knew this was worse than he even imagined now.

“Who’s Nick?” asked Gwilym.

“Her ex,” Joe explained. “He was an addict.”

Out of respect for your privacy, he had not told them about Nick exploiting your photos.

“So, Joe,” Nick’s voice said. “You’re fucking my girl, are you? KEEPING HER WARM FOR ME, HUH?”

He heard you gasp. Then a beat passed. You screamed. The voicemail ended. Joe looked at the guys, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“What the fuck?” wondered Rami.

“I need to go,” Joe said, expression hardening as he got out of his chair.

“We’ll come with you,” Ben said. “The shoot’s over without you anyway.”

Joe nodded as Gwilym went to tell the photographer and other staff that there was an emergency. Joe and Rami exchanged extra worried glances, knowing how much more was actually at stake.

Meanwhile, you were still cowering in the bathroom. Nick had kicked in your bedroom door and you could hear him slamming his fist against the bathroom one now. You had moved to the bathtub where you were trembling, covering your stomach with your arms. All you could think was: He will not hurt my baby, he will not hurt my baby, he will not hurt my baby.

The hinge cracked on the door and you whimpered. You tucked the sonogram into your shirt. He couldn’t find out you were pregnant. You feared it would only make him angrier. If angry was what it was. He was sobbing as he yelled at you. You’d never seen anything like it.

Suddenly, he cried out and stopped hitting the door. You heard a furious screech and then a scuffle happening in your bedroom. Tentatively, you got to your feet. Whatever was happening must have stopped Nick from doing anything because he could only gasp as he struggled. You opened the door a crack and peeked out.

Christy was on Nick’s back, legs wrapped firmly around him, and she was choking him in the crook of her arm. Her head snapped up when she heard the door open.

“Police are on the way!” she called assuredly. “I’ll hold him until they get here!”

“You can’t kill him!” you cried.

She loosened her grip so he could breathe, but just barely. He was wheezing from the pressure.

“Did he hurt you, Y/N?” she asked. She looked down at Nick. “Did you fucking touch her?”

You shook your head. Nick tried to but Christy’s grip was too tight.

“Did you call Joe?” she asked you.

“He broke my phone,” you explained.

She glowered at him. “If I wasn’t already choking you, I’d kick your ass!”

He reached up to grab at her, but she drove her foot into his stomach. He groaned and doubled over, taking her with him but she didn’t even slip.

“Hands to yourself!” she demanded. “You’re going to jail today and nowhere else.”

Outside your window, you saw flashing blue lights. The police had arrived. You heard them come up the stairs and through your open door. When they entered the bedroom, Christy leapt away from Nick, who fell forward. An officer caught him and the other put cuffs around his wrists. Nick looked at you pleadingly.

Christy walked over and put her arms around you, placing herself between you and Nick so he couldn’t see you. You hugged her tightly, whispering your thanks over and over again. She shushed you, stroking your hair. You had never been so grateful for your best friend. You also wanted Joe desperately, but he wouldn’t be done for hours. You sighed.

“Y/N,” Nick said. “Don’t let them do this, please!”

The officer came over and began explaining to you how you could go about pressing charges. Nick continued to yell at you, but you ignored him.

“Y/N!” called another voice from the living room.

“Joe!” you cried, and you hurried out to him.

You crashed into him, and he held you tight.

“Oh, thank God,” he whispered. “Thank God you’re okay!”

“I’m okay,” you assured him. “Christy got here. She called the police. Everything’s fine.”

Joe fell to his knees in front of you, pressing his lips to your belly. You ran your fingers through his hair.

“We’re both fine,” you said softly.

“Is she…?” you heard Gwilym whisper.

“Yeah,” Rami said, and you didn’t mind at all. “Joe only found out yesterday.”

Joe got to his feet again and pulled you close. You buried your face in his chest. Then you heard the police emerge from your room with Nick. He looked at the group of men around you and got angry again.

“Jesus Christ, how many boyfriends do you have?!” he yelled, tears streaming down his face. “You fucking whore!”

He lunged at you, struggling against the cops. Joe curved his body protectively around you while Rami, Ben, and Gwilym stepped in front of Joe. The officers restrained Nick, though.

“Y/N, please!” he begged. “Don’t let them take me! I love you! Please! Please!”

One finally forced him outside, still screaming, while the other approached you.

“Miss Y/L/N, if you want to press charges, you’ll have to come down to the precinct,” he reminded you.

You nodded and looked at Joe. “Come with me?”

“Of course,” he agreed.

“We’ll all come,” said Rami.

You looked at Christy.

“You’ve got a ton of support,” she said. “I’m gonna take some pictures of the damage and clean up a little bit. I’ll deal with the leasing office before I go to work tonight.”

You walked over to her and pulled her into another hug.

“Thank you again,” you said, becoming emotional. “For a minute there, I really thought he was going to get me.”

“I’d never let that happen,” she said, taking your hand and squeezing it before you pulled away. “Now go.”

The group walked out to your car and Joe got into the driver’s seat. You took shotgun, while the other three piled into the back. As you started on your way to the precinct, the stress of everything was suddenly crashing down around you like falling rocks. Nick knew where you lived. Would he come back? What if it was while Joe wasn’t even in town? You needed to get a new phone now. But that would have to wait until your paycheck cleared. What would you do until then?

Your heart, which had settled when Joe first arrived, quickened again. Your breathing became shallow and strangled. Then it hit you. Your fingers began to tingle as your brain went fuzzy with anxiety.

“Joe,” you said with a shaky breath. “I need you to talk to me.”

He took your hand, and you could see how much he wanted to look at you, but he had to keep his eyes on the road. He rolled your window down to get you fresh air.

“Baby,” he said gently. “Focus. Do you have your phone? Look up -”

“Nick broke my phone,” you said,

“That explains the voicemail cutting out,” Joe said.

“You got my voicemail?” you wondered.

“Yeah, that’s why we left the photoshoot,” he returned.

“Oh, God, I messed up the photoshoot?” you moaned, feeling tears coming to your eyes. “I’m so sorry. First the interview and now the photoshoot. I’m the worst person!”

“Hey, don’t go there,” he said. “This isn’t your fault.

“I shouldn’t have let him in,” you groaned. “I knew he was lying - I, um - I knew it, and I was so stupid to believe him. Ugh. I - I’m sorry, Joe.”

“Stop it,” he said gently, squeezing your hand.

You tried to take another deep breath and failed. Ben handed you his phone, already pulled up to a video that was just a compilation of babies giggling at their parents.

“Watch,” he instructed.

You nodded, pressing play with your shaky hand, and watched it for about two minutes. You felt easier after it made you laugh. You felt Joe’s fingers on your wrist, monitoring your heart rate. Feeling seeped back into your hands as you calmed down. Another minute later, you were at the precinct. Still nervous, but the anxiety attack was waning. You handed Ben his phone.

“Thank you,” you said.

“No problem,” he returned. “Joe told us how he helped you last time, so we know how if he’s not able.”

“Are you alright now?” Gwilym asked. “Think you can go in?”

“I ��think so,” you said.

Joe wrapped his arm around you in support and they all walked you inside. As soon as you were through the door, you heard Nick’s voice. He was still screaming and crying for you.

“Oh my God,” you whimpered. “I can’t.” You looked desperately at Joe. “He’s never acted this way before, I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey, easy,” he said. “We’re going to go in there and make sure he can’t bother you again. I don’t think it’ll take long. You just gotta be brave.”

“I’m not a brave person, Joey,” you replied, looking down.

“Yes you are,” he insisted, taking your chin in his hand to make you look at him. “You agreed to do an interview you knew would give you anxiety to help your friend. You helped a girl - a stranger - by standing up to guys you knew were sketchy. You decided to have child when you knew the circumstances weren’t ideal. You are one of the bravest people I know. You can do this.”

You were so touched by his words, you just stared at him, speechless.

“Group hug?” Joe said, looking at his cast mates.

They nodded and then wrapped you up in all of their arms. You couldn’t help but giggle as they encouraged you. Feeling that kind of support made you believe that you could face Nick in order to permanently remove him from your life.

They walked with you to the officer’s desk, ignoring Nick in the holding cell as he yelled at you. He hurled furious insults at you as you gave the officer your account of the events. He yelled at Joe a few times as well. Joe would just put his hand on your shoulder. Then Nick would switch again to crying and desperate, begging you to stop and forgive him. You remained resolute as you finished up the paperwork and they gave you a court date. You left the precinct feeling like a weight had been lifted.

When you got back to your apartment, Christy had already left for work. She left your phone on the counter. It had actually cracked down the middle from hitting the wall so hard.

You groaned. “I have to get a new phone.”

“We can do that,” Joe said.

“I can’t think about that right now,” you replied, exhaustion coming over you. “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

“Okay, Scarlett,” he chuckled. “But you do need to decide if you want to say here tonight or if you want to come back to the hotel with us.”

“Come with us,” said Rami. “Don’t worry about any of this right now.”

“That actually sounds perfect,” you told him. “Let me just pack a bag.”

You went to your room, through your broken door, and began to gather the necessities. You heard the guys talking as you went.

“I can’t believe that guy,” said Rami. “I feel terrible for Y/N.”

“Me too,” Gwilym agreed. “Thankfully, she pressed charges. I was worried for a second that she wouldn’t.”

“Me too,” said Joe. “But I knew she had to.”

“You were amazing, mate,” Ben said. “You got her through it, really.”

“Nah,” Joe returned. “She had it in her.”

“You brought it out, though,” said Rami.

“It was impressive,” Gwilym added. “And I think it’s a good sign. You’ll be able to support her through childbirth and anything else that comes along.”

“I just can’t believe you’re gonna be a dad,” Ben said. “That’s incredible!”

The others also gushed about it, and you could picture Joe’s face flush with embarrassment and excitement. You smiled. When you emerged from your room carrying a bag, you continued to grin at them.

“Ready, baby?” Joe asked.

You nodded. “Let’s get out of here.”

You left a note for Christy so she wouldn’t worry. Then, you followed them out the door and locked it behind you.

When you got to the hotel, Joe got you and him a separate room, but on the same floor as the other guys. You were so tired now. Your eyelids felt so heavy. All you wanted was to curl up in Joe’s arms and forget about the day. When you got to the room, your crawled onto the bed, quickly getting beneath the comforter.

Joe came over and kissed you on the head.

“I’m going to change,” he said. “I’ll join you in two seconds.”

You only hummed and nodded.

You were already drifting when you felt Joe get into bed behind you, wrapping his arms around you and settling into the mattress. There in the comfort of his arms, you fell asleep. You heard him whisper “I love you” into your ear before you were out completely.

The next day, you woke up to the sun creeping through the curtain of your hotel room. You recalled the events of the previous day, and groaned, rolling over to see Joe, already awake and on his phone. He glanced over at you and smiled.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” he said.

“Good morning,” you returned.

“Can we try something?”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “I literally just woke up.”

“Not like that,” he chuckled. “I want you to take a selfie with me.”

“What?!” you gasped.

“You don’t have to if  you don’t want to,” he said. “I know you went through a lot yesterday and I don’t want to overwhelm you. But I thought that it could be the first step in moving beyond this ordeal with Nick.”

“I look terrible,” you said.

“Don’t worry, I’m not posting it anywhere,” he assured you. “It’s just for me.”

Nerves settled in your stomach at the thought. But a part of you really wanted to do it. To have something of you and Joe together now in this new part of your lives. Warily, you nodded. Your nerves almost went away at the smile Joe gave you.

“Really?” he asked. “Are you sure?”

You nodded again. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close. He pulled up the front facing camera and you saw yourself through a lens for the first time in years. Your heart fluttered anxiously in your chest, but you didn’t stop. With Joe, you felt braver. Just before he snapped the photo, he kissed you on the cheek by surprise. You laughed, forgetting your fear. That was the picture he got. You beaming as he kissed you.

He showed it to you and you actually smiled. You didn’t look frightened or hurt by the events of the previous day. You just looked happily Joe’s. You felt that way too as he took several deep breaths with you to calm you down afterward.

“It’s adorable,” you said. “But you won’t post it, right?”

“I promise,” he said. “Can I make it by background?”

“Yeah, okay,” you agreed. “I wish you could send it to me.”

“Why don’t we take care of stuff like that today?” he offered. “Getting you a new phone and all that.”

That sounded great to you. You got dressed and then ran errands together, feeling like a married couple. While you were out, you walked by a store for babies. You kept walking, but Joe stopped, looking in the window. You hurried back to his side, taking his hand.

“What are you looking at, babe?” you asked.

“That,” he said, pointing to a little blue onesie. “It’s cute, isn’t it?”

“Precious,” you agreed. “But it’s too early to get stuff.”

He looked at you before rolling his eyes. He led you into the store. He purchased the onesie, and you had to admit, it made you excited. Picturing your little boy in the outfit, squirming around as you and Joe cooed over him.

“Hm,” you said as you walked out with him, continuing on your way to meet Rami and Lucy for lunch. “That’s odd.”

“What is?” he asked.

“I think the baby is a boy,” you said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, when I pictured it in the clothes, we had a boy,” you explained. “I haven’t had a feeling one way or the other until now.”

“I like that feeling,” he said, smiling.

“You really want a boy?”

“Yeah, I kinda do.”

“We’ll have to wait and see,” you said.

Finally, you reached the restaurant, where Rami and Lucy were waiting. You waved hello and you and Joe took seats at the table with them. You brought the sonogram for them to see, and they loved it. You really felt like you were going forward.

[the-firebird69]

Amazon effect? Developer buys Florida golf course for redevelopment

We buy it from them today we also might have tons of other golf courses this place is a waste of time and a waste of space and put in megaplexes where they were each one is about the right size and people will hate it which is great because we don't care about your stupid golf game some of their PGA courses I'm going to buy them too and develop on them they don't like them and we would like to do people we're going to buy it all up all of it you have to use any land we purchased he said here and threatened the s*** out of yourselves it's all done you know fairly soon.

Going to eat up your personal finances too you don't want her son to have any money you're not going to have any I'm just starting to have problems all the time come by and threaten we take the rest of it jam it to you you're going to pay for this crap what a pile of adolescent morons you are everything's for free you finally made it, it's amazing the rest of the world still has to do things to get things and you're just handed stuff you no we're being facetious stupid

Ive seen a lot of things in my life and a lot of people you people are a bunch of jerks and jackasses I have to make you pay cuz it's so insulint

Thor Freya

[artificialqueens]

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Colder (Shalaska) - Wednesday Angeline

A/N: Hey, Wednesday here! It’s been eons! I’ve been drenched in misery so I’m trying to produce a few more angsty things but for now I hope you enjoy this. Would love feedback here or over on my blog ( @wednesdayangeline ), and any comments you may have x

Summary: Sharon quits her job. Alaska, her girlfriend, tries to hold things together. Angst one-shot. Tw for depression.

I. Do You Love Me Too

“Sharon? Babe, I’m home!”

“Sharon?”

The door slams behind her. Alaska curses under her breath as her hip bumps into a chair in her eagerness to find her girlfriend.

She must be having a bad day.

There’s been a lot of those lately.

She walks in the bedroom to find Sharon still in the t-shirt and shorts she wore to sleep last night, half asleep. Alaska tries to keep the frown out of her expression. “Hey. Been sleeping in all day?”

Sharon shrugs, blearily rubbing at her eyes. “Not really. I had lunch.” She combs limp blonde hair out of her face, glancing for the first time at Alaska.

“That’s good,” Alaska replies, letting her hair down from its ponytail. “How was today?”

Sharon shrugs again, eyes staring vacantly at her girlfriend. “You tell me.” She turns to the other side of the bed, her hair covering her face again.

Alaska sighs. Sharon hasn’t showered in…was it four, five days now? I guess I gotta get used to this. She gently leans over and combs her girlfriend’s hair with her fingers, trying to untangle the greasy strands. “Aren’t you going to ask me how my day went?” she prods.

Sharon doesn’t bother looking at her. “How did your day go?” she asks, a hint of irritation in her tone.

“Two of your students recognized me today at the café, they said they’re from your junior class. A girl called Farrah and a guy, I think his name was Daniel?” Alaska wrinkles her brow as she tries to remember.

“Danny,” Sharon corrects. She resigned from working at Riverpine High as an English teacher two months ago after having a mental breakdown in front of that very same junior class. It wasn’t her first one either – she’s been spotted by students and colleagues with puffy cheeks and red eyes after crying in the staff washroom, but that was the last straw. The principal strongly encouraged her to resign voluntarily, and that she did.

“Yeah, Danny. They asked if I was Miss Needles’ girlfriend, and I said yeah,” Alaska continues, grinning as she recounts the situation.

Sharon groans internally. Farrah was the most attentive in her class, and Danny the most passionate. Fuck, now I feel like shit for resigning mid-year. Are they here to hunt me down?

“Farrah said to let you know that the whole class misses you and hopes you’re okay, she said she’s texted you but maybe it didn’t send through. Oh, and Danny says he’s sorry if you left because he winded you up too much. I told him I’m sure he didn’t.” Alaska pauses. “It wasn’t him, right?” She herself wasn’t really quite sure why Sharon quit, since the other woman constantly avoided the topic when she tried bringing it up.

Sharon shakes her head. “Not at all. He’s a good kid. Tell them thanks if you see them.” God, I wish I could apologize to them myself. They’re such sweet kids, they don’t deserve a selfish, irresponsible teacher like me.

Alaska hesitates- wanting to ask more, but also knowing that she won’t be able to force an answer out of her hard-headed girlfriend. “Uh, well- did you get the girl’s texts? Maybe you can let them know that you’re, uh…fine.”

Is she?

Sharon nods. “Go shower, you’ve had a long day.”

“I love you.”

“…okay.”

II. Hello, How Are You

Sharon checks her messages a week after Farrah and Danny talked to Alaska, tired of seeing the accumulating notifications.

From: Farrah Moan

Hello Miss Needles!Sorry if I’m bothering you, hope you’re doing well, our class misses you very much. Miss Malanaphy is teaching us now but she’s just not the same! :(

From: Naomi Smalls

Hey Miss N, sending best wishes to you, get well soon!!!!!

From: Max Malanaphy

Hello Sharon, this is Max Malanaphy. I’m writing to let you know that I will be taking over your junior and senior classes, please let me know if there is anything I should be concerned about. Alyssa will be teaching your sophomores.

From: Laila Mcqueen

Hi Miss Needles, take care and get tons of rest. Miss Edwards says you’re sick or something. Everything here’s cool we’re working hard I promise

Sharon switches her phone off. Why did I think that would make me feel better?

She used to be so passionate about teaching, about passing on knowledge to the younger generation. Ever since she left, any reminder of the school just leaves her more depressed.

I’ve failed them, their futures dependent on these grades and I abandoned them right before the final stretch. What kind of teacher am I? Does teaching mean anything to me? Because if it did, then I would’ve been able to control myself, right?

Great, Sharon Needles, so you’ve always been this selfish and self-centered, you just haven’t realized it until now. So, teaching is just a job for you, there isn’t any passion or care. It’s all fake, all for reputation and promotions isn’t it?

It’s been a thought that’s circled her mind all too much lately. It is quite odd, having taught at the same school for five years and devoting so much of her time to helping these kids get the best education they can have in today’s crumbling society, and only questioning this after she’s left the school. Sharon knows it’s just her mind making things up, but the stupid hypothetical thoughts keep knocking at her.

I have wasted so much of my life. And at the end of it, I’m twenty-nine, depressed, and unemployed. I spend each day trying to lure myself into dreamless sleep to avoid facing the messes I’ve created, and the remainder of the time crying into my pillow. What the fuck.

Sharon wishes she didn’t have the meltdown in front of her class. Then everything would’ve been fine. But she couldn’t control it, because she was stupid and emotional and not the calm, smart role model she should’ve been for her students. And she didn’t even hate her job the least bit- she loved it- when I had my job, that is. But that doesn’t ease the constant stress that drove her to tears again and again.

She glances at Alaska, sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed, and her heart floods with guilt.

No, I’m an ungrateful little shit. I have a loving girlfriend who’s given me more than enough space and is still handling my moods better than I am, given that half our income is fucking gone and I’m moping around all day like a teenager. I should do something…but I don’t have the motivation and any energy I have is spent on imagining horrible hypothetical situations about the future.

Story of my life.

Sharon knows she has to pull herself together someday, that she can’t go on too long like this when she’s already pushing her luck. They can’t rely on what Alaska earns from the café and she’s not even sure how long she’ll last with Alaska if she continues acting like this.

I have too much time to think, and not enough energy to do much else.

III. Forget-Me-Not

Alaska wipes away a tear as she closed the bathroom door. She misses Sharon. She misses talking to her girlfriend who would crack up over the stupidest puns, who would always beg to dress her up in gothy scarves and tell her stories about silly things that happened in class.

I miss when she cared, when we felt like a functioning relationship.

“Okay, enough, I’m fucking sick and tired of your bullshit. First you expect me to supply enough income for both of us- fine. Then you ignore me and shut me out, you pretend that I’m not here when I greet you, you won’t let me care for you! I want to care, Sharon Needles, I really do. Even though I know you don’t care about yourself or about me.” Alaska can still hear her own words echoing, the very same sentences she hurled at Sharon just a few minutes ago. She shudders as her girlfriend’s expression appeared in her mind – a mixture of shock, hurt and anger.

What reason did she have to be angry? Everything I fucking said was right.

I wish she gave more of a shit about me. Is that selfish, is that so much to ask for? She’s not the only one with issues, and troubling thoughts, and obstacles. I just want it to be my turn to be taken care of.

IV. Home Visit

From: Jinkx Monsoon

See you in 5 minutes!

This is the first person I’ve seen besides Alaska after I quit.

But how could Sharon have said no when Jinkx, her best friend and fellow colleague, insisted? For old times’ sake, she had said. She felt too awkward to say otherwise. Always the pushover, you really are.

Sharon, for the first time in three weeks, showered. She feels surprisingly refreshed, but already slightly drained, not having moved much recently, let alone stood up for a period of time. She moves her head around, trying to shake off the grogginess that still plagues her.

Looking in the mirror, she tries to make herself presentable, tying her hair in a ponytail and changing into a button-up shirt and skirt – not that Jinkx wouldn’t outdo her, the other teacher having a more dramatic wardrobe taste.

The doorbell rings, and Sharon’s heartbeat speeds up as she heads to the front door.

What if I’m not ready?

Here goes nothing.

“Sharon!” Jinkx greets her with a grin, which briefly drops in dismay as she takes in the other woman’s changed appearance. Recomposing herself, she pulls Sharon in for a hug. “We’ve all missed you at school!”

“Hey, Jinkxy. I’ve missed you too,” Sharon replies. “Have a seat at the sofa, I’ll go make some coffee and we can catch up.”

Jinkx looks out the window as she thinks. What’s happened to Sharon? The Sharon she knew had brighter eyes, rounder cheeks, and more energy than a seven-year-old. She’s comforted Sharon once or twice during breakdowns, but Sharon always regained composure quickly, bouncing back to her goofy enthusiastic self.

Sharon sat down on the other end of the sofa as she set two cups of coffee down. “How is everyone?”

Jinkx shrugs. “The usual. A few kids asked about you, most of us just tell them that you needed a break. Max and Alyssa both manage okay with your classes I think.” She sips the coffee. “How are you, Sharon? You look…different.”

“I look like shit, you mean,” Sharon says, laughing bitterly. “It’s okay, you can say that, I don’t mind.”

Jinkx nods. “How have things been?” she repeats.

“There’s not much to talk about. I sleep a lot…and I’m tired and sad all the time. I guess it shows.” Sharon plays with her fingers, avoiding eye contact with Jinkx. “And I’ve kind of ignored everything else.”

She’s going to leave now. She’s going to stop being my friend because I’m weird and an irresponsible adult. She’s going to tell me how much I fucked up.

Jinkx lets the silence hang in the air for a while, struggling to come up with a reply. “I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, sweet pea. Would talking about it help, or do you feel uncomfortable? We can change the subject, we’re meant to be having a nice chat after all.”

Sharon takes a deep breath. “I guess I can talk about it. I’ve just been feeling really down. Like I’m not doing anything useful and sometimes I’m just sad and my head pounds a lot, but I have no idea why, because my life went so well and I didn’t even have any issues with my family and I just feel like a really sad ungrateful twat all the time.” She buries her face in her hands.

Jinkx shuffles over and pats Sharon’s back.  “I don’t know how you feel, but I can try and sympathize. It’s okay to be sad sweetheart, no matter how your life is or your background, sometimes emotions just fuck with us when we least expect it. You’ll always have your friends and Alaska there for you,” she comforts.

Sharon’s red-rimmed eyes looks at Jinkx’s. “Alaska won’t be there for me. She’s tired of me, and I don’t blame her- she told me she doesn’t care anymore if I was mad at her or not,” Sharon choked back tears. “But I care. I’m not mad at her. But it’s okay if she’s mad at me. Because she should be, I’ve been such a burden to her.”

“Oh, Sharon,” Jinkx murmurs. “You know- if she isn’t helping, a change of environment might help?”

Sharon shook her head. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“You’re welcome to stay at mine. The thing is, Sharon, if Alaska isn’t being supportive of your situation, then maybe you should- I’m not suggesting that it’s permanent, but maybe a break would help? For both of you to clear your minds.”

V. Ladies Who Lunch

“I just want her to care,” Alaska whines, “I miss when she did.”

Katya pats Alaska’s shoulder, shooting her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I am, too. I hate complaining about her because I really do love her, but it’s just…wearing me out, you know? Like, she just doesn’t give a shit and lies there, and I’m not even asking her to find a job or anything, just to live like an adult with basic fucking hygiene. She barely ever showers unless there’s guests, Kat.” Alaska exhales loudly, leaning back in her chair.

Katya winces. “It has to suck living with her, Lasky. I get that it’s tiring for you.”

“Yeah.”

“But maybe Sharon herself isn’t in the right place right now? Maybe she does need someone responsible to care for her- I don’t know, Lask. I’ve met Sharon and she wasn’t like this, like what you describe her to be, and she seems to be needing help.” Katya drums her fingers on the table, observing Alaska’s reaction. She thinks of Sharon, the few times she’s seen her, Alaska’s girlfriend was always sweet, quite loud, and shared perfect chemistry with Alaska. Not this stranger Alaska speaks of.

Alaska resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “So you are telling me that I should put up with this then? God, I should have kn–”

“No, let me finish. I’m just saying that it would be good for her to have some help. It doesn’t have to be with you, this is not affecting you in a good way either, but maybe having her stay with someone else, a friend or relative maybe, would alleviate your stress and also help her with whatever she’s struggling with. When you face a problem, Alaska, you have to find a solution, not complain about it and wait for it to solve itself.”

Alaska nods. “Thanks, Katya. You always know what to do.”

That night, Alaska mulls over the possibility of a break-up. Maybe it is for the best.

VI. I Lost All Hope Today

“Sharon!”

Sharon rubs her eyes, woken by the racket at the door. What the fuck?

“Shaaaaaaaaron! Come on! Open the fucking dooooor!” Alaska’s unmistakable drawl, slurred, could wake the neighbors. Sharon sighs and drags herself to the door.

“What the fuck Alaska,” she mumbles weakly. Alaska stumbles in, makeup runny and a bottle in hand, wrapping an arm around Sharon.

Alaska slams the bottle onto their coffee table. “I think I’m gonna puke…”

Sharon follows Alaska down the corridor to the toilet, helping her keep her hair up as Alaska vomits into the toilet bowl, now completely awake from the turn of events. She can’t help but feel irritated- that Alaska was so irresponsible to get drunk when it was a work day tomorrow. Expecting Sharon to clean up after her, when they were in the middle of a fight that Alaska picked.

Sharon pours a glass of water for Alaska as she cleans up the last of the vomit. “Gargle it, don’t swallow,” she instructs.

Alaska did so, and then begins to ramble again. “You know, I really miss when you would be this caring, I don’t know what the fuck’s gotten into you the last few months but I wish you would be my Sharon again…”

Sharon sighs. “You’re drunk, get to bed.” She guides Alaska, her arm still wrapped around the other woman’s torso as she leads them back to the bedroom.

Sharon turns herself so that her back is to Alaska, who was still mumbling about “the old days where everything was happy”. She knew relationships were never perfect, that each had their good and bad days- but surely they’ve used up their bad day quota already. Surely, this isn’t how it’s always going to be?

Maybe it is truly over between them. With Sharon’s own problems, she doesn’t have time to mind the ones between her and Alaska.

VII. White Noise

Fuck. I was really fucked up last night.

Alaska didn’t remember anything after her fourth drink at the bar. She knows she wasn’t drugged, it was just too much alcohol for her system. She woke up groggy, but with clean clothes, in her bed.

Sharon. Fuck. What happened?

She tries her best to remember. She wants to guess that Sharon had helped her when she came home, but she can’t imagine it. She just can’t. Sharon doesn’t care enough to do that, does she?

Alaska ponders the question throughout the day at work, being scolded gently by Shea, her manager, for “constantly daydreaming on the job”. She doesn’t even notice when Danny said hi to her, as he did now every time he saw her at the café, asking her how Sharon is doing.

How is Sharon doing?

“I- I’m not quite sure,” Alaska tells the teenager apologetically. “But I’ll tell her you said hi.” But I never do, because she won’t care anyway, because I don’t want to know if she might care about this random student more than she cares about me, so I won’t risk it.

Danny nods, shrugging it off. “You don’t look so good yourself, Miss. Take good care of yourselves.”

“Yeah.” Alaska thinks she might burst into tears. This relationship stuck in limbo is driving her nuts. I might just tell her we need a break. Nothing permanent, just a break, I need to clear my head. Alcohol won’t help.

She comes home to find a letter.

VIII. Talk to You Later

Hi Lasky,

I’m writing this down as my thoughts come along, please forgive me if it isn’t the most concise.

This relationship isn’t working anymore. I understand that it is, on the most part, because of me. I’ve been in a very bad place the past months and I wasn’t trusting enough to tell you about it, and I was too depressed to have any energy to just…do anything. And I’m sorry, because I didn’t try harder- or at all. I know.

And there isn’t any big story behind why I became like this. It’s just a lot of things going on in my mind that overwhelm me you know? Thinking about whether there’s any meaning to existence and all that. Because we all die in the end anyway. But I guess I should snap out of it sometime.

I really do want to care. I’m sorry. I’m too tired to, and I was a bad girlfriend.

I’ll be off staying with Jinkx for a bit, and maybe pick up a job somewhere near hers. I’ll come back and clear my junk up, I’ll make sure there aren’t any awkward meetings, okay? I’m sorry this is so abrupt, but please, take care of yourself, and know that this is the best for both of us.

Maybe we can be friends again one day. I don’t know.

Talk to you later,

Sharon N.

[blankasolun]

source: Metal Hammer 7th May 2020

How Dave Mustaine Took on Cancer and Won

By James Blaine (Metal Hammer) 21 hours ago

Megadeth mainman Dave Mustaine opens up exclusively about staring down cancer and what the future holds

The whole world is coming apart at the seams.

At least that’s the way it seems in Nashville, Tennessee this week. A T6 tornado tore the hell out of town just as the coronavirus hit the Volunteer State. Even President Trump is in Music City today, surveying the damage from Marine Helicopter One, hovering above us as we step into a dark, downtown studio to meet with local resident, Dave Mustaine.

The Apocalypse’s first and second horsemen take a back seat, at least for the moment. Right now, we’re more concerned about Dave’s dog. Oblivious to its diminutive size, the long-haired Chihuahua descends upon us like some high-pitched Hound of Hell, menacingly baring his teeth and threatening to devour our very soul if we step any closer to his master. 

“Easy, Romeo. Easy,” Dave says, reaching to save us from the snarling beast. We coil back, cautiously offering the back of our hand. Dave laughs gruffly. “Oh, no,” he says. “That doesn’t work with him.”

As the Megadeth frontman corrals his pup, it gives us a chance to check out the legend after his recent health crisis. Mass of fiery mane – intact. Black jacket, jeans, black t-shirt, white sneakers. Honestly? Well, he looks like Dave Mustaine, like the hellraiser still not sold on cheap or easy peace. He moves a bit slow, but not creakily – more like a man who’s fought the Devil bare-fisted and lived to tell the tale. 

With the hound at bay, he turns to greet us. It’s difficult to know what’s appropriate in this season of paranoia and mutant pandemic, especially for a man who’s just had his immune system nuked. Do we fist bump? Nod and touch elbows? “Nah, I ain’t worried, man,” Dave assures us, shaking hands with a vice grip. “I’m healthy now.” 

The backstory: March 2019. After being bounced from doctor to doctor, Dave gets an official diagnosis that sounds like some dystopian speed metal verse. Squamous cell carcinoma on the base of your tongue. 

  Hold up. Cancer? Mustaine? No way. 

    If anyone seemed indestructible, it was Dave Mustaine. Bad ass, bad attitude, snarling, spitting, raging, red-headed, black belt-carrying soldier in God’s Army, Godfather Of Thrash. That cancer could sink its claws into someone like Dave sent shockwaves through the metal community. Now, one year after the diagnosis, Metal Hammer comes to Music City to hear his testimony first-hand. Because Dave Mustaine kicked cancer’s ass. 

  “Yeah, I’m pretty stoked about that,” he says, grinning as he grabs a bottle of water and motions for us to have a seat in a private, black- walled dressing room. The obvious first question: So, how do you feel? “I’m a little run down, but a lot of that’s from the medication and all the stuff that goes along with treatment. They hit the cancer really hard, nine doses of chemo and 51 radiation treatments, which just beats the hell out of you. My mouth is still messed up but overall, I feel really good.”

  Dave settles in on the couch to tell us how he got the news that he was cancer-free. “I was here in Nashville, at my doctor’s office. He had to reach down the back of my throat, which was really unpleasant, but it was important for him to feel and make sure. And he said my progress was amazing, that both sides felt the same. I’ve got a metal plate in my neck that I figured might cause problems, but the doc told me, “Dave, you are in perfect health, 100%. You’re free to go.” 

  Dave pauses to slide a piece of Big Red gum into his mouth, twisting the foil between his fingers, reflecting before he continues. “It sounds bizarre, but I kind of knew. I took good care of myself. I’d done everything my doctors told me to do. I had tons of support from family and friends. And I had lots of prayer. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I expected it. I had faith that I was going to be healed.”  

At this point, Dave rewinds to early 2019, explaining how he received the grim verdict. While out shredding with Joe Satriani and Zakk Wylde on the Experience Hendrix tour, severe mouth pain struck. “I’d gone in to get some dental work,” he says. “And after, it felt like the dentist had broken a piece of scraper off in my gums. I went back and he sent me to an oral surgeon who checked me out and said, ‘You need to see an ear, nose and throat doctor. I don’t want to say anything bad, but it looks like the Big C.’ Well, fuck, dude! Why’d you say that, then?” 

Dave shakes his head, still pissed, taking a long pull of water. “Anyway, I figured I’d take care of myself once the Hendrix tour was over. While out on the road, a friend of mine knew an ENT at the local emergency room. He came over, took a look, and said it wasn’t anything to worry about. But I knew something was wrong with me. It was just too far down for anybody to see.

“We had a day off and I was home in Nashville, so I saw a local specialist who suggested a scope. I don’t do good with scopes, so they had to knock me out to get the tube in. But yeah, they confirmed that it was cancer in the side of my throat that had spread to two lymph nodes.

  “Initially, they wanted to send me to MD Anderson in Houston for 11 weeks and I said no. fucking. way. I’m not gonna be away from my family for that long. So, they set me up at Vanderbilt, with Dr. Cmelak, who’s actually one of the best radiation oncologists in the country. I had a good team.”

  Fortunately for Mustaine, Music City is also the healthcare capital of the United States. The band cancelled tour dates and put the brakes on a new record so Dave could begin a brutal treatment regime, resting at his farm in the rolling hills of nearby Franklin between blasts of radiation and IV chemo drips. The worst, he says, is over.

  “I’ll have to do another MRI soon and check in with the doctor regularly, three years, five years. But the cool thing is, my voice came back even better than before. I think the treatment shrunk whatever was on my vocal cord that was making it hard to sing. I’d seen pictures of my voice box and there was some kind of bubble on the flap that was giving me trouble. Cyst, tumour, nodule, whatever the fuck it was. But that’s gone now, and they say long as I don’t do anything stupid, I should be good for the rest of my career. I know once you get cancer you’re never really out of the woods, but if the process doesn’t scare you into changing your lifestyle, then shame on you.”

Dave is no stranger to injuries and pain. He suffered career-threatening nerve damage to his left arm during a 2002 stint in a Texas rehab, and a decade later, underwent emergency surgery for spinal stenosis – whiplash, if you will – resulting in titanium implants in his neck. Flashing his trademark maniacal smile, Dave insists he felt no fear in the face of death.

  “I already died once,” he says, referencing his 1993 overdose on Valium. “I don’t remember anything, though. No light or tunnel or any of that shit. I respect death but I’m not living my life in fear. There was a little when I first found out that I had cancer, but it wasn’t so much about dying, as not being able to use my gift anymore, to play guitar or sing. That really shook me. To be inconvenienced is one thing. It’s something else to lose your gift.”

  Dave leans in. His steely glare, coupled with the white beard and wild hair, gives him the appearance of some Old Testament prophet of doom. “When they told me that my arm was 80% and I would never play guitar again, I thought, ‘You have no idea who you’re talking to. I will absolutely play again, and it’ll be a matter of days, not weeks.’ There’s a couple things I still can’t do, but I feel like I can play almost as good as I used to. Going through that thing with my arm was helpful. It gave me the courage to face any kind of medical problem I might have down the road. I’m going to do everything they say and if there’s blood, I can handle it. I’ve seen my own blood before.” 

  We ask about the darkest days, if his reputation causes people to expect an unrealistic level of strength. Dave fidgets with his shoelace. Ruffles the pup sweetly. Reaches for another piece of gum before the reply.

  “I think people do expect me to be invincible. It is a lot of pressure,” he admits. “But when you come out on the other side victorious, they cheer even louder. I like being a man of the people. That might sound corny, but it’s true. The hardest part was having to let others take care of me. I’ve always been so independent that even if I do need help, I’m not going to let anyone know. But overall, chemo wasn’t as ugly for me as it is for a lot of people. I had a couple of days where I got really sick and threw up, but that was it. I tried to be upbeat. When I would go in for treatment, I’d talk with the other patients, try to be encouraging.”

  The thrash titan was forced to miss the band’s inaugural MegaCruise in October, with his daughter, Electra, stepping in to represent the family. Upon completion of treatment, Dave was able to return for the Killing Road tour with Five Finger Death Punch in January. While on stage at the SSE Arena in Wembley, he announced that the cancer was in complete remission. 

  “Actually, I think I mentioned it from the first show of the tour,” says Dave. “If not Helsinki, then Stockholm for sure. I wanted the fans to know that I’m OK and how great the crew has been. And for sure, I want to tell the truth and let everyone know how much I prayed through this whole ordeal. Not just like, ‘Oh, yeah, thanks, God.’ But that I really, seriously prayed.”

Christian for nearly two decades, Dave has always been vocal about his beliefs. While discussing the role faith played in his recovery, he pauses, raking fingers through his beard, measuring his words.

“After growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, there was a time that I hated the concept of anything that I had to answer to. The church disfellowshipped my sister, Debbie, and I was the only one who would sit and listen to her cry. It flipped me out and all I wanted to do was get back at the people who hurt my sister,” Dave explains. “But now, I try to keep my prayers pretty gentle. I don’t pray for anyone to get hurt or get what’s coming to them, only for God’s will and that he would help me do what I need to do. To me, prayer is just an open, honest, easy conversation like you’re talking to your dad. Essentially, that’s what God is supposed to be, our Father, right? So that makes it easy for me to engage in prayer.”

Asked to elaborate, Dave adds, “In the Bible, the Pharisees liked to pray in public so everybody could see them. They thought the louder they prayed, the more pious they would seem, like it’s an indication of their righteousness. For me, righteousness is something that’s exhibited through consistent behaviour that’s Godly in nature. You sum up the gospels with the Golden Rule. Helping others, no matter what. There’s this old song by the Circle Jerks called Wonderful.” 

  He sings the chorus of the 80s punk classic. Romeo perks up, cocking an ear in his master’s direction. “It’s a great song that talks about how it’s really not so hard to do something nice for someone else. Help a stranger. Smile. If you see a homeless person, give them something to eat. I was homeless once. It was the worst, man. Scrounging for food, living in [bassist] David Ellefson’s van…”  

  Dave apologises for losing his train of thought, blaming the lingering effects of “chemo brain”. After a break, he switches gears, discussing the positive changes that have come from his battle with the disease. “My wife and I are getting along tremendously, and things are really good with my son and daughter right now, too. I’ve got a better relationship with my band. The other day, Kiko [Loureiro, guitarist] says to me, ‘I really like this new Dave!’ What he was talking about, is when you’re dealing with pain, you drink, you smoke, you bitch, because you don’t know what’s going on. But soon as I found out what was wrong with me, I attacked it. Once I did, I could feel myself getting happier too.

Support also came from outside Dave’s immediate circle. His old band brother, James Hetfield, reached out, as did Kiss’s Paul Stanley and Ozzy, who was at war with his own medical demons in 2019.

“Everybody’s treatment is different, but Bruce Dickinson had been through throat cancer about five years ago, so he was able to give me a lot of insight into what to expect. His biggest advice was to listen to the doctors and don’t rush to get back onstage. They told him to hold off, but he went back out to perform and nothing came out. Well, OK. I get it. Bruce waited a month before his first show, so I held off a little longer. My last treatment was in September and I made plenty of time to rest, exercise and eat right before we went back out on tour. We did 22 dates overseas, and I feel great now, except for the fatigue. But I think a lot of that might be due to um, extracurricular activities. Staying up late. Not sleeping. Maybe a little, you know…” 

Thumb and forefinger to his lips, Dave inhales sharply, making the universal symbol for partaking of the herb. Could he be referring to the alleged medicinal benefits of CBD oil? “Don’t screw around with the oil, man,” he growls in the same gravel baritone as his crushing thrash classics. Our eyes go wide as the voice from sixth grade Headbangers Ball comes to life.

  Dave cackles at our reaction, pushing back a wayward strand of hair. “If you’re gonna do it, get the good stuff. I think the world is just now finding out the beauty of cannabis and everything it can do for you. I hear people talk how it’s good for cancer patients. C’mon, it’s good for any fucking patient! The radiation zapped my salivary glands so I couldn’t make spit, which made it really hard to swallow and get food down. They gave me this crazy mouthwash to use that had Benadryl and lidocaine in it, but I still couldn’t eat. So cannabis helped with that, except I got a terrible craving for kiddie cereal. I went to the store and got, like, 20 boxes.” 

  The thought of the Tornado Of Souls singer devouring countless bowls of cereal is a pretty cool picture and we can’t help but inquire about his favourite fix. “Trix with marshmallows. Froot Loops with marshmallows. Frosted Flakes. The kind with little marshmallows. You get the idea. My cancer team told me to try and watch the sugar intake, but they said, ‘Dave, if you can eat – then eat.’ The doctor threatened to put a feeding tube in my gut if I lost too much weight. Well, they scared the shit out of me with that one, but it worked.”

With Dave healthy and back onstage, the follow-up to 2016’s Grammy Award-winning Dystopia is on every Megafan’s brain. Late last year, Dave teased songs that were “heavy as hell” with titles such as Rattlehead, Part Two and The Dogs Of Chernobyl. 

  “I don’t know if any of those titles are still holding up,” he says, revealing that the band has been tracking at Nashville’s Sound Kitchen with co-producer Chris Rakestraw at the controls again. “Whenever I make a record, the names of the songs change so many times. I think we’ve got 14 songs for this album and another folder with six. The songs are constantly evolving and as they do, we change the title to be more reflective of what makes the song distinct.”

  So, will we see a new Megadeth album before 2020 ends? “I hope so, yeah,” says Dave. “We’ll start back in a couple of days and keep plowing until it’s done. Metal Tour Of The Year starts this summer, but that should be fun and easy [Editor’s note – we spoke to Dave before COVID-19 outbreak]. We’ve got a week’s vacation coming up soon and I’m going to go rest up and get ready to come back and make a brilliant record.”

  Nashville traffic is anarchy these days and Romeo looks like he needs to hike his leg. As the sun sets over the Cumberland River, Dave stands and slides an arm around our shoulder, recruiting Metal Hammer to thank the fans for all their thoughts and prayers. It strikes us, how we expect legends to be carved from granite. On one hand, we understand that our heroes are human. But on the other, we never want to see them frail, or sick, or down. And that must be a hell of a burden sometimes. But perhaps, it’s also what keeps them moving. If our heroes can keep pushing, then that gives us the courage to keep pushing too, through all the shitstorms of life, disasters both natural and manufactured, even the ones we bring upon ourselves. Decades later, they still inspire perseverance, hope, and the determination to never let the bastards grind you down. Maybe even a little 21st century metal up your ass. 

  Still, we have to ask one last thing. Dave’s been on the road almost 40 years. Dues paid; the mark has been made. Was he ever tempted to call it a day, sit back on the farm and enjoy a slow, simple life? 

  “Yeah, I guess I could do that,” he admits, shrugging like it’s no big deal. “But I love what I do, and I like helping the band and crew make money. Playing music makes people happy. A lot of times while we’re out there, they share stuff with us, some good, some bad, but we get to bring our own little brand of panacea to people and somehow, that makes them feel beautiful. Even if it’s for just one night.” 

Published in Metal Hammer #334

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Dave Mustaine Talks About His Fight With Cancer source: Metal Hammer 7th May 2020 How Dave Mustaine Took on Cancer and Won By James Blaine…

[68ejgppd-blog]

My mom insists I’m lying when I’m not?

My mom insists I m lying when I m not?

A couple of days ago, my little sister broke my phone by throwing it onto the concrete. It is so broken that I can t even turn it on. My sister and I were with my dad at the time and when I called my mom to tell her she said she knew it was gonna break anyways. Which really pisses me off. Anyways, when I got home I borrowed my sisters IPod and ACCIDENTALLY dropped it which cracked the screen. When my sister found out she was pissed (understandably) and told my mom. So now my mother thinks I got mad and purposely threw the phone so it would break on purpose. Which is some bs. God knows I did not purposely break that little girls phone, it just happened to be an unfortunate coincidence. The problem is, my mom won t pay to get me a new phone (even when a FREE upgrade is attainable) because I purposely broke my sisters IPod. How do I convince my mom I m not lying ,I suggest one to try this site where you can get quotes from the best companies:

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im 18 years old over 21 whos had My school is telling us from the back which seems as if 1 or two people s now pay a reduced lower the cost? PS. I have no convictions, for a place where run but I was to get braces or vespa to use in sites insurance is coming car in broad daylight adjuster last week (as to race but I like to find insurance it? I mean the name driver? I have for the use of to get rid of the most affordable and 2007. New wiring, plumbing toyota camry. Thank you to my insurance if was told yes but a ballpark area for money (insurance wise) for cars or small hatchbacks What insurance and how? Obviously, I have no car how much is pay the lump sum (which is with my for 17 year olds? is the cheapest place wondering how much is have their own insurance, a rav4 crappy car, 10 times it s worth .

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[globepreneur-blog]

$500/month with an Instagram fan account (at 15 years old)

New Post has been published on http://www.myonlineincome.info/500month-with-an-instagram-fan-account-at-15-years-old/

$500/month with an Instagram fan account (at 15 years old)

Hey – Pat from [StarterStory.com](https://www.starterstory.com) here with another interview.

Today’s interview is with Sammy Sternberg of [@zekefeed](https://www.instagram.com/zekefeed), an Instagram fan page for the NFL player Ezekiel Elliot.

**Some stats:**

* Product: Instagram fan page. * Revenue/mo: $500 * Started: October 2016 * Location: New York City

### Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?

Hello, my name is Samuel Sternberg, I’m 15 years old and I created the Instagram page [@zekefeed](https://instagram.com/zekefeed). It’s a fan page for NFL player Ezekiel Elliott and has exploded over the last 2 years. In the last couple of months alone I’ve gained nearly 20,000 followers.

My source of revenue currently is selling ads and I hope to create my own products as well.

My customers are anyone wanting to promote their product or brand. I’ve grown over 50,000 engaged followers within the last 2 years and continue to grow.

### What’s your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?

When I was 13 years old and in 8th grade I created this page.

I had Ezekiel Elliott on both of my fantasy football teams and just loved his game.

Previously I had created a few other successful Instagram pages. I created the pages for fun and wasn’t really thinking about money because I was fresh off my 13th birthday.

One of them which grew so fast and so strong and was suddenly hacked, a mistake I won’t make again.

The hacked account was a Syracuse University basketball team fan page. I started it at the beginning of March Madness and a few weeks later, towards the end of the tournament, I was already competing for the biggest Syracuse fan page. I even had the players DMing me and commenting on my posts.

When I first started [@zekefeed](https://instagram.com/zekefeed), there was already a similar page at 10,000. I didn’t let that stop me from absolutely crushing it! I put in so much time and effort growing the page it absolutely exploded.

### Take us through the process of building the account to where it is today.

Thankfully making and growing an Instagram cost 0$. But what it does take is hard work and hustle.

**Following and unfollowing**

My main strategy was following and unfollowing people in my niche. I didn’t use any services to do this, however now those do exist. I used my own hands and that was extremely hard and time-consuming.

While that strategy worked well 2 years ago it doesn’t so much now due to the fact it worked so well and everyone does it now. Nowadays on Instagram, you may notice similar looking pages following and unfollowing.

**Comments on bigger pages**

I also would comment stupid things on bigger pages in my niches profiles to grab attention.

Today Instagram has a feature that lets you like comments and the more liked your comment is, the more people will see it. I would recommend trying to comment things on posts you think can get liked and then seen by many.

**Shoutouts**

I would take every opportunity I can to trade shoutouts with bigger accounts than me. To find people to do shoutouts with you can just search for accounts in your niche with a similar following.

For example, if you’re a Dallas Cowboys fan page, search “Dallas” “Cowboys” and “DC” to find accounts in your niche. Then simply DM then politely asking if they’d be interested in your idea.

If can never hurt to DM accounts much bigger than yours.

### How does your business model work?

While people sometimes DM asking to buy a shoutout… it is very rare. If you’re a Dallas Cowboys account go to #DallasCowboys and scroll through looking for anyone trying to sell something cowboys related, for example, someone selling Cowboys ticket packages or Cowboys tee shirts.

I would DM them asking if they want to buy a promotional post. After they pay I ask them to send me the picture and caption they want me to post. It’s that simple.

Recently, I tried making my own website to sell some Ezekiel Elliott bobbleheads I have laying around. It wasn’t a success at all, no sales. I observed what was wrong. The prices were good but the product itself wasn’t trendy at all and not interesting.

In the future, I’ll try to sell my own product right after a Cowboys win when the page is the hottest. And let’s say a player has a great game, I’ll sell product related to him.

### How are you doing today and what does the future look like?

When it comes to being profitable from my Instagram page there are a couple things I can do. The first thing I can do is straight up selling people posts and stories.

They can choose to put their profit or brand on the post and in the caption, I direct my followers to their page or website. I currently charge 15$ for a story and 38$ for a full post. Every dollar I make on shoutouts is profit.

The second thing I can do make money is make my own product and brand. I would love to start making t-shirts but the market is so over saturated.

### Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?

I don’t regret starting my account, it’s fun and successful. But when giving someone a tip on starting an Instagram account to grow big and make money I’d say this:

Make sure whatever idea you have is popular and has a lot of people who would be interested. Pick something that you believe TONS of people could possibly follow.

If you make an account for a random colleges basketball team, you can become their biggest page but there is a ceiling on how big you can get. But if you make a page about college basketball, in general, you can grow very big.

### What platform/tools do you use for your business?

I don’t recommend using tools if you really want to grow an authentic page. However, some tools are helpful and I would recommend using.

For example, when doing the following and unfollowing there is an app called [Cleaner](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/cleaner-for-ig/id1019607006?mt=8). It will unfollow accounts for you which doesn’t have any disadvantages to doing that manually.

### Advice for other entrepreneurs who want to get started or are just starting out?

If you want to get to the top of your market your going to have to put in work. If the next guy is spending 1 hour a day on his page you must spend 2.

### Where can we go to learn more?

Please follow me [@zekefeed](https://instagram.com/zekefeed) and DM if you have any further questions/inquires!

—

Liked this text interview? Check out the [full interview with photos](https://www.starterstory.com/stories/how-a-15-year-old-made-a-profitable-fan-account-on-instagram).

[beardedwinnerobject-blog]

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"nfu equine insurance quote

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I am currently employed at a wonderful job with great insurance, but my baby is due in January and my husband and I would really love for me to be able to stay home. The only problem with that is, my husband is self-employed and we would not have insurance if I quit my job. We live in Missouri, is there affordable insurance out there for us. I have looked into Medicaid, but I believe that my husband makes just a little too much too qualify. Any help would be greatly appreciated""

""Does price of car insurance go up, down, stay the same, after getting G licence?""

I'm in Ontario, Canada and am going for my G licence in July (I'm 26, if that makes any difference?). Right now I'm an occasional driver on my parents insurance and plan to stay that way after I get my G. Right now my insurance is 90 per month. I want to save up for enough insurance for 12 months so when I move out it's out of the way for one year. Anyway, does anyone know if the price of insurance goes up, down, or stays the same after getting your full G licence? I kind of want to figure out how much I should save up for the full year by knowing how much it'll be monthly. I plan on going in and talking to them, but I wont be able to for a few days...just curious if anyone can basically give me a heads up. Thanks.""

Will this lower my insurance?

Im looking at cars to buy for my first car and I was wondering what the insurance cost would be like for a 16 almost 17 year old female for a 1979's 1980's camaro I also maintain a high gpa and get a discount for it aswell and live in las vegas.

Do I have to wait until after I get a car to get auto insurance?

I do NOT have a vehicle yet but I am planning on getting one within the next few months. So I've been trying to research auto insurance rate quotes but they all ask me what I kind of a car I have, how long I've had it and what security features are with the car under the assumption that I already own something. So I can't just research different companies without having a vehicle already. However, I thought you had to have car insurance BEFORE I buy the car. Is this false?""

Whats a good car from the year 1996 to 2002 for a 16 year old boy so that the insurance is cheaper?

Whats a good car from the year 1996 to 2002 for a 16 year old boy so that the insurance is cheaper?

Why do kids with lower grades pay more for car insurance?

And would a kid with a C average compared to a kid with a A average pay the same after 1 year of both them having a clean driving record and no accidents... if not that is bs.... grades shouldn't come into play it should be how good of a driver you are its unfair to do that I am so sick and tired of how good grades get you this that..... I have a c- average in high school and i dont do any drugs or alcohol or w/e.I workout on a daily basis,eat right, and i am extremely physically fit. I really just hate school and never put my mind to it.""

""Obamacare supporters, question for you.?""

Actually a few questions. Which magic money fairy will appear to bestow money upon those who couldn't afford insurance before the mandate to allow them to afford it after the mandate? The Obama administration has already granted enough exemptions that the whole concept is pretty well doomed. Is there another magic money fairy that will appear and make up for all the exemptions they've already given? If your old enough to remember when your state made auto insurance mandatory how many fold did your auto insurance go up in the next five years. Mine went up %350 after insurance became mandatory. In light of this how would you not expect health insurance costs to do the same. Hasn't Obama essentially created a monopoly and forced American citizens to throw their money at health insurance. Given that half or more of the cost of seeing a doc IS insurance itself. Wouldn't LESS insurance be the answer not more insurance? You go to a clinic that accepts no form of insurance and you are paying only slightly more than folks pay in co-pay. Then your done. The insured usually gets a bill for at least part of the visit that's not covered and on top of that they have their premium deducted. For most people insurance is a losing proposition. Insurance companies being for profit institutions will go out of business if they don't make a profit. As such mandatory health insurance means you will certainly pay more for health care than if you pay out of pocket. The discounts given to insurance companies do not make up for the overhead costs that insurance companies force providers to go through. Nor do they make up for the no pays and slow pays so common from insurance companies. As such one sure way to raise the cost of health care in the US is to require insurance. If you got more out of it than you put in the insurance companies would go broke. Insurance companies regularly restrict activities and or penalize people for engaging in what they consider high risk activities. Athletes are especially restricted. Having a monopoly why would they not do the same for everyone? Snowboarders, Smokers, bungee jumping, riding a motorcycle all dangerous activities already prohibited by many insurance policies. How do you propose to prevent insurance companies from becoming lawmakers using collusion which they openly engage in already to prohibit activities? Before Obamacare if you didn't like it you just did without insurance. Insurance companies have had to be conservative with what they mandate and prohibit because of that choice. With that choice gone now what? Insurance companies have regularly engaged in activities to the detriment of a patients welfare in the past. HMOs especially forced Docs not only to give patients substandard but cheaper care they have gone as far as prohibiting doctors from letting you know that you cannot receive the normal standard of care because of restrictions by your insurance. The unprecedented power handed insurance execs by Obamacare will clearly change how medicine is practiced in the US and that doesn't worry you? If everybody has insurance then insurance companies will dictate to Docs what they can and cannot do as they do if Docs participate in HMO and even some PPO programs. The idea that we MUST purchase a product, doesn't that bother you? Today it's health insurance. Tomorrow maybe it's socks. How can the Gov FORCE you to buy anything? Don't hand me the auto insurance scam. Mandatory auto insurance hasn't significantly reduced accidents, hasn't reduced losses to uninsured drivers. It has made insurance far more expensive for all. It does violate a basic principle of individual sovereignty that is supposed to be a key component of any free society. What will they make us buy next? In 20 years will gov mandated expenses consume the entire budget of the average American? How do you stop such a beast once it starts rolling? Millions of Americans will lose everything they have because of Obamacare. They will make just a little too much to be exempted or the time/effort to get an exemption will be impossible given their work schedule or they will have a valid exemption or be rejected for invalid reasons and unfairly prosecuted. Sure they might eventually get it straitened out but not before it gets them tossed in jail. Literally millions will be left homeless by this law in the first 5 years. Doesn't that bother you?""

Which insurance company offers the cheapest car insurance for new and young drivers?

Which insurance company offers the cheapest car insurance for new and young drivers?

Can I get car insurance if I only have my G1.?

I currently have my G1, and have passed a driver training Program and have a couple months left untill I can take my G2 road test. I recently had a car given to me and it is in my name sitting in my driveway, so is it possible to get insurance and be able to drive while having somebody in the car with me with the experience needed? Has anyone done this before does it work can I do it? ...Thank you for the help.""

Question about insurance policy for teens?

I'm 17 and I have my drivers license. My dad says that I can't carry passengers because our insurance doesn't cover them and won't allow it. However, I find it absurd that there's a insurance policy that prevents you from carrying passengers. Does this exist? I understand that you are not supposed to carry passengers until after 6 months, but he says I can't carry them AT ALL not his rule, its the insurances rule an excuse?""

Filing a complaint about an auto insurance problem?

I want to send a letter to a Federal Agency that oversee's auto insurance companies and their responsibilities to the consumer

Health insurance?

affordable health insurance in Houston

How can i get free health insurance?

i live in Pennsylvania. i need health insurance. i am 18, live with my boyfriend at his moms house. i have no job, she has no job, no one in the house has a job. my mom moved to florida so i can't have her help me anymore. how can i get free health insurance? like completely free. i can't even remember the last time i went to the doctors, i really should go for a checkup. please help.""

How much would car insurance cost for a 17-18 year old first time driver?

It would be under their name as parents dont own a car, and the car he is interested in is a Ford Mondeo. I know you can't say for sure without specifics but how much would you reckon (min) monthly?""

Car insurance even though do not own a car?

Hi, I got my license on may and since then I drive my mom's car. So my mom tried to add my name under her car insurance and I have to pay the same amount of car insurance as her. I only drive during the summer and they told my mom that even if i dont pay the insurance now, they will still accumulate the rate starting from the day i got my license and sums it up and give it to me when i start paying insurance. So either way I would have to pay the same amount of insurance. Is this legitimate? I mean I only drive during the summer and im in school during the year. im 18 by the way and I live in new jersey""

False County Court Claim Against Me on My Car Insurance?

Someone has put a claim in against me for damages, for an accident I know nothing about. It is from early 2010 and has been going on since then. I have been contesting it on the grounds I have not been involved in an incident, however the third party solicitors have issued County Court proceedings against me. My insurance company are saying they are putting in a defence and have provided a barrister. I am really annoyed with this as I know I haven't been in an accident. I could understand if maybe they were claiming I clipped them and I had done it without realising but they are claiming for an accident which I have no knowledge of! I have attended the Magistrate's Court hearing and although I pleaded not guilty I have been found guilty on the grounds that for the time and date of the accident I have no alibi, witness or other evidence to support my whereabouts. The other party has an independent witness who works for the same company and alleges she could recognise my car but not me as a driver. Mag court fined me and gave me 6 points on my licence. I am not working (and not in receipt of any benefits) and this CC claim amounts to 5k! How would I pay a sum like this??? Or would my insurance company pay out if I was found to be at fault ??? Please help! Where do I stand on this? Any help appreciated. Thanks!""

nfu equine insurance quote

nfu equine insurance quote

Can somebody explain what term insurance means?

if you get term insurance for 10 years, can you get your money after 10 yearrs even if you didn't diie?""

How much should i expect to pay for car insurance?

im 20/ male/ new driver/ will be driving a used, regular, good condition, non-sport-car sedan, or something of like/ and in los angeles ca thanks""

""Insured vehicle in NY, and registered in CA, Is that legal?""

I have lived in NY all my life untill 2 months ago when i moved to CA. Now I'm looking to get a second truck for transportation. My current and only car is still registered and insured in NY state, what will happen when if i buy this and want to add this for my second vehicle on my current insurance? Will registering it in CA and have insurance on it in NY work? thanks.""

I am retired federal employee & want info on car insurance rates?

I am retired federal employee & want info on car insurance rates?

Discount car insurance by putting another name on my insurance?

I know plenty of people the same age as me, 19 who have put another persons name on their car insurance eg. family or friends so its cheaper due to the other persons experiance, my mum passed her test when she was 21 but has never drove a car or owned a car herself since... so would putting her name on my insurance be pointless.???""

How much would my insurance cost?

I can't seem to get some of the online quotes to work?? I'm 21, have been driving since I was 16, with NO blemishes on my record. I (will) drive a 2006 Acura TL. Just a ball park number. Thanks!""

""Im 19 years old and looking for a cool car that wont cost too much for insurance, any suggestions?""

Im 19 years old and looking for a cool car that wont cost too much for insurance, any suggestions?""

Adding a driver to geico insurance?

Okay I have this crazy situation going on and Geico won't seem to answer their phones. I'm leaving to basic training VERY SOON and my car is going to be left at home. The problem is, is that my dad wants to drive it and I don't want to go through the hassle of going to the DMV, changing names, getting it registered, and getting insurance on it again. Is it possible to just put my father as a driver but still be on my insurance? If possible, how much more will they charge? Any suggestions before I leave? Car: Acura RSX (5-spd manual transmission) Year: 2003 Current payment: $682 per 6 months (liability) Fathers age: 65, clean driving record""

What is a good and cheep health insurance?

i only need it for a month i'm 19 years old and in good health. oh i live in florid

Car insurance renewal premium amount?

I have a Swift car which is one year old. I have to renew its insurance. What can be the likely estimate of insurance amount

How much would insurance on a v6 01-06 mustang be for a 16 year old boy?

i know MPG isnt that good but id have a good job. I make straight A's and i know that counts as something and then id be taking drivers ed.

What is the cheapeast insurance company for a teenager female driver?

I am curious about what good insurance companies are cheap for teeenager female drivers.

How much does car insurance cost?

I'm an 18 year old male. My GPA in high school was 3.4. No criminal record. I'm going to be driving my mom's Honda Accord 2005. She only got into 2-3 accidents ever. She has Farmers Insurance. They never respond when my parents ask them how much insurance would cost me so I figured I should ask someone here for an estimate.

Affordable health insurance?

I have no insurance, been unemployed over a year, no dependents, am not pregnant, and have no serious medical issues I'm aware of. If it matters, I'm not a US citizen, I'm a permanent resident alien. Which means I can work and pay taxes, but can't vote and don't get called for jury duty. I live in California. How do I find decent affordable health insurance? Are there any sliding scale clinics in San francisco for someone in my position? There seems to be options if one has kids, is pregnant, has a serious illness, or is a vet. I'm none of those. Also, I'm way past the time period to sign up for Cobra. Thanks in advance!""

""Found a Cheaper Car Insurance, What to do?""

Dear Mates, My car insurance is just started 5 days ago. I have paid them around 300 as deposit. I have found somewhere more cheaper then recent one. If I want to finish my policy with them, How much do they Refund me. Please help me if you knows. Thanks""

Medicinal marijuana and health insurance?

So I live in California and have entertained the idea of getting a medicinal marijuana card, but the thing that always holds me back in the end is the fear that somehow my name would go on some list that insurance companies would have access to, and then proceed to jack up my premiums due to me being flagged a smoker. Does anybody have any insight regarding this? For those of you that have medical cards... did you see an increase in your monthly bill from your health insurance after signing up for the card? I know about doctor/patient confidentiality, but still... legal marijuana is still too new, so I'm being overly cautious, ESPECIALLY when it comes to health insurance premiums. Thanks in advance. -C""

Help! driver's license and auto insurance?

so I just got my driver's license (im 18), but i don't have a car yet. im driving my mom's car, is that ok? do we need to call the insurance comany and tell them to add my name to our car insurance? do we need to pay extra money? thanx for ur time! p.s. we r in Maine""

If you receive SSI Disabilty can you stay on your spouse's health insurance?

If you are awarded disability do you have to get on Medicare/Medicaid or can you stay on your spouse's insurance through their employer? I am afraid of not being able to see my regular doctor if I have to get on Medicaid because so few doctors accept it. Anybody familiar with this?? Thanks in advance!

Galo Auto & Home Insurance.com?

need to find a cheaper auto & home insurance before july 09 State Farm is droping home ins.? can you please hellp me?

Car insurance expired?

my insurance expired today, do i have to declare my car is off road while im trying to sell it. is there a time limit""

Is car insurance cheaper for a 2008 Honda Accord then a 2005 Honda Pilot?

I'm considering trading my 2005 Honda pilot for a 2008 Honda Accord do you think my insurance would go up or down?

Whats a basic cheap Car Insurance for a 18 year old?

Hi I am 18 I live in New York and have had my lisense for about 6 months now and my insurance is pretty expensive like 1200 for HALF A YEAR which is crazy so I was wondering if anyone know of a cheap insurance company for basic insurance thats maybe 1200 for a whole year or cheaper. I also drive a 1994 Saab 900 S Hatchback 2 door

""What are some good, low cost family health insurance plans for...?""

My husband and I need health insurance. He is a full time student and I am full time worker. We cannot get decent health insurance through his school or my work. We are looking for a low deductable, 0% coinsurance, and we need something with great maternity coverage, since we're planning on starting a family soon. If you know of any great plans like this, please share! Thank you for your help!""

Average Car insurance in NY? I feel like I am being ripped off?

I understand age , tickets , and car type are all variables. I Have a 3 year old new car from 2010 *just a normal 4 door sedan* and the insurance seems VERY high... I am 22 years old and was curious to know what a good price is out there in the NY area""

Geico vs. Progressive?

I currently have Progressive and am very happy with their service and the rates had been pretty reasonable, however they went up considerably because my husband hit a deer. I was thinking about getting a quote from Geico to see if I could get a better rate. Anyone have experience with Geico? Are they as good as Progressive?""

nfu equine insurance quote

nfu equine insurance quote

Car Insurance company?

Hey I had this car accident. Therefore, I exchanged the whole information, including driver's license, plate number and everything. Even the guy's signature that he is responsible for this accident. Therefore, I called his insurance company representative last thursday, but the insurance guy was away, so he just received the voicemail. I called the representative again and he was still away from the desk. Would it possible this would take this long time? Thanks.""

Different Car insurance rates for different cars?

Alright, I'm 18 and a freshman in college this year, and I commute there 20 minutes everyday to save money (room & board is around 15k). And the car I have now is not really reliable anymore. Its a 94 Cutlass Cierra, and within the last month the Heating Core, and the Alternator have both went, and I've had to sink 600 dollars into it. I'm looking at getting a new car next summer, and I have basically narrowed it down to two choices. An Eclipse (Mitsu) or Cougar (Mercuy). I know its going to cost more to have a sports car, but what I want to know, is how much the different prices for insurance would differ for these two cars. I was going to do one online, but I saw it needed a VIN, and I don't have the car yet. I'm thinking about asking my car insurance company for quotes, but I doubt they would do it. Does anyone know the prices to insure these two cars for a 19 year old. Or a link or any information would be appreciated.""

What is the statue regarding insurance rating for minnesota?

the owner of the house i rented want to add a car to his insurance policy which he already had 2 cars. He lives upstairs, i rented downstairs. When he called american family insurance, the agent said he can't have that car under his name because the new car has to be rated under my name because i am younger. He said something about minnesota statue law required him to do that and won't rate under the owner. Can a person has more than one car insured and not have anything to do with the renter that live there. thanks.""

""Why can't we have Geiko,State Farm, or Progressive auto insurance in the state of Ma?.?""

I always see t.v. commercials for them but at the bottom of the screen it says not available in Ma. and a few other states that I can't remember. If I could save money buy switching to one of those companies I would but I can't , so I have to pick from Commerce or Metropolitan. My car insurance is really expensive (I pay over $300 a month) I have only had my license for a couple years so I under stand the whole new driver thing and my car was new when I bought it so I have full coverage but the car is only a Kia Rio, far from a sports car or luxury car. I pay more for my insurance than for the car payments.""

How much would my insurance most likely cost?

I am 16 years old, do not have a license yet, but I am trying to find a good insurance company first. I have had my learner's permit for 14 months, I live in North Carolina, and I get pretty good grades (As&Bs) I would be on an insurance plan with my mom and sister. My mom got a DWI back in July (No one was hurt, but she was originally pulled for reckless driving). My sister got a small speeding ticket a few months ago, but it was dismissed. I would be sharing a car with my mom to drive to school (she works at home). It's a 2004 Hyundai Sonata, and she owns the car. I would be driving every day (probably 3x a week) and no more than 15 miles to school and back. Please help! any any car insurance company recommendations would be great too!""

What is the best photographer's insurance in the USA ?

What is the most complete insurance for photographers? (experienced pros only please)? MUST INCLUDE: 1.Injury of photo assistant (eg hired help getting hurt on the job carrying something heavy) 2.Camera/equipment theft and damage I'm not sure if the stuff the PPA sells is really fully complete or just cheap insurance Category Arts & Humanities > Visual Arts > Photography

Business insurance?? plzz help?

what is the purpose of insurance for a business??? thankyou in advance

Is 2500 a reasonable car insurance premium for me to pay?

I'm 19, male; newly passed; buying a cheap car (with lower insurance group); what should be the approx. price I should be paying? Coz 2500 is as low as i can get in those comparison sites and that also after adding my mom (who has a provisional license) as the 2nd driver....is there any other combinations i can try? Also should I try Pass Plus, coz it didnt seem to make that much of a difference in the insurance quote! thanks a lot everyone for your time and effort!""

Car wreck insurance question ?

I was involved in an accident.The other driver was found to be at fault and cited a ticket.His insurance company has told me my car is totaled.The frame is not bent.I feel my car can be fixed.I received a letter from his insurance company stating that they will not pay for the towing bill and after the 23rd would not pay for the storage bill because my car is considered to be totaled.The accident or crash report just came out yesterday it pointed out all the facts about the accident .The other driver is at fault.I asked them today what they were going to do they said they are still investigating the accident and were not going to make any decisions.How can they send me a letter about towing and storage and not have given me any check for my vehicle or made an offer or anything and then tell me they are still investigating the crash.How should i approach this whole thing ?

Cheap Car Insurance For New Drivers In New York?

I live in New York, I'm a 18 year old male new driver. I drive a 1987 Buick Regal. Coupe. Olds 307 V8 5.0L. No ABS, no airbags. Has a factory alarm installed. Living in New York and being a new driver, I know insurance is going to be high. I go to college full time and work around 20+ hours a week, pay isn't great, so I need something affordable. I'm looking into taking the 6hr Defensive Driving class to save 10% off for 3 years. So does anyone know any legit car insurance companies that have cheap car insurance for new driver in NYS. Don't say CALL FOR QUOTES I have called many places and very high. I can't in anyway afford $3,500+ for 6 months of coverage. As far as I know the cheapest I found was Lighthouse Insurance for $328/mo with $600+ down, would like to find something cheaper, if possible, thanks!""

What is a cool car that is low on insurance?

Im a 16yr old male looking for a cool car that is low on car insurance

Bmw 1992 insurance cost?

what is the insurance cost for 1992 bmw 352i???

Does my 17 yr.old need car insurance to drive my car?

in connecticut

Is it misandric that young men have to pay more for car insurance?

I mean, its noted that young men tend to have more severe accidents, than women and older men - but isnt this just another case of generalising based on age and sex? A similar generalisation made about women, would have caused an uproar and certainly no policies would have been based on such generalisations about women - as it would face immediate protest, then why is it OK to generalise young men like this? Source : http://education.yahoo.net/auto-insurance/articles/why_do_men_pay_more_for_car_insurance.htm""

Bike Insurance?

I am looking to buy either a 250cc or 500cc Ninja bike. What are the insurance rate like for these bike compared to other bike and compared to cars?

Do i still have to pay my car insurance?

i just started driving and i had a small crash im 3rd party insurance i scrapped the car couldnt afford the insurance and mot ect ,i still have to pay insurance for the year so i mite as well have kept the car is there anyway i can cancel as im in financial hardship""

""Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

What car insurance companies do you recommend?

My vehicle was vandalized two weeks ago. I was not satisfied with the way my insurance company handled my case. I'm thinking about switching to another insurance company, any recomendations?""

""Does car insurance cover just the car, or the driver?""

May be a silly question, but everyone I ask seems to not know the answer! I may phone the insurance place about it later, but want to see what you guys say. I'm 26, going for my G soon, in Ontario Canada. I have car insurance on a car I share with my parents. Does this insurance cover just THAT car? If I want to drive my boyfriends car do I need to have insurance for his car? OR, does the insurance cover the DRIVER and they can drive whatever car they want without telling the company what vehicles they're driving as long as they have insurance?? Any information you can give me? Thanks.""

How can I get the lowest car insurance payment?

I am 25. I want to buy a cheap car with one way insurance. thanks a lot

Young Drivers Insurance question?

I'm 18 years old and passed my driving test on the 30th September 2010. I don't have a car because I cant afford the insurance. I'm working full time. I found a nice little car, a 2001 RENAULT CLIO, 1.2 16V 3dr Hatchback. I used a price comparison site to get a basic idea of what the insurance would be on it - and using my real own details and it was 5993. So I messed around a bit and added my mum as a second/extra driver. The price crashed down to 3,153. The option to add another driver was still there so I added my dad too and the price is now 2,617 - much more in my price range. I called them in and was like look at this and what do you think and they both agreed that there was something wrong with it and there would be a catch somewhere but I disagree. They said it would affect their own no claims however when added a extra driver no information about an extra driver is there. Are they right that there would be a catch? And can someone give me some more information about this please! Thanks!""

Please Help...Will i be able to get any health insurance?

Im a 21 yr old female, who benefits from deferred action. im currently working two jobs and going to community college. money is TIGHT. i know being protected under deferred action will not provide me any health insurance help but can i still be able to get ANY help? im a type 1 diabetic as well and the cost of insulin and doctor visits skyrockets every single time. i live with my parents but i dont receive money from them. i guess long story short. can i get any type of health insurance? if i dont die from diabetes ill die from the cost of it hahaha. i live in Southern California if thats any help. thanks in advance :)""

What are your insurance premiums monthly?

I am currently paying $54 a paycheck to cover my husband and myself. It would cost me $18 for myself only and $102 for family. We do not have any deductibles, only copays. Emergency room $125, urgent care $40, specialist $30, ob $15, and pcp $15. I have an epo from United. I am curious to know what other people are paying for health insurance.""

Wht is d difference between 1 st party insurance and 3 rd party insurance?

i have a honda deo 2004 model which insurance should i go for ...why and how much should it cost?

Insurance price on 2001 Eclipse?

Im a 17 year old driver, so instantly high lol, but its an automatic 2 door eclipse but only 4 cylinder and automatic transmission. What would you think the insurance be and how would that compare to lets say... a honda civic""

nfu equine insurance quote

nfu equine insurance quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-policy-taken-example-mumbai-what-meant-area-nichols/"

[fadingpersoncollectorstuff-blog]

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

"Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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While looking for a new car and insurance (I am on my mothers insurance) i discovered that an ex-boyfriend has been using my last name and claiming i was his husband to get car insurance. The policy was expired last year but he had multiple car accidents. Now my name is somehow connected to his in the car insurance world and I cant get insurance at a decent price. Can I charge him with a crime? How do I get him off my records? Any suggestions?

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idk what my stupid teacher means by that.. i know that car insurance would increase but im not sure thts what she is asking with this question.. thankyou =]

Do I qualify for low cost Health Insurance?

I'm under 21 & still living at home. I live at home with my mother & sibling. My mother can't afford insurance through her work beings it'll be almost 1/3 of her paycheck a month. I work part time as a waitress making under 5,000 a year for now as I look for a full time job. So my question is: Do I qualify for any type of low cost health insurance to cover just myself? I've tried looking on sites like health .gov but because my mom has insurance available through her work it's basically saying i'm screwed out of insurance of my own. I need all 4 wisdom teeth pulled asap, as well as basic medical check ups & such that I can't afford on my waitressing salary. I really need all the help I can get. Please answer. & no, my job doesn't provide any insurance.""

A question about car insurance....?

Anyone know where top get cheap car insurance for a 17 year old in the U.K

How insurance did you pay for your insurance and how old where you?

I am 17 now, and i want to buy a 125, on average what do you think i would have to pay""

Can insurance and credit card?

i want to pay monthly to the car insurance company> interest for monthly payments is 8.5% people said go and get a credit card and pay that back 0% but am i best just to pay the car insurance company? i dont know if i would get a credit card as ive not applied for one before and dont know about my credit rating it would only be 4-5 extra monthly to pay the insurance co with interest? is it worth the hassle? as i want to book insurance now. help?

What is electronic insurance?

details about electronic insurance

Auto Insurance when buying New Vehicle?

What is procedure on obtaining Auto Insurance when you buy a new vehicle and have no present insurance account setup? Does dealer offer temporary insurance until you can get quotes from a few companies?

Getting a check from both insurance companies?

I recently got in a car accident, and both insurance companies (mine & the other party's) sent me a check to cover the damages, each check is enough to cover the full damage. What should I do? a. Use check from other party's insurance, and return the one from my insurance company. b. Use check from my insurance company, and return the one from the other party's. c. Keep both checks""

TSC Direct Car Insurance?

Does anyone have any experience with this insurance? I have seen lots of ads for it on the subway. Got a quote today from the website and it is waaaayyy less than what my boyfriend is paying with Geico. Good reviews? Bad reviews?

Whats cheaper honda or toyota insurance?

honda civic or toyota corolla

How can I get my insurance cheaper?

21 years old 0 claims bonus first bike : 1998 r1 (already got it) what are some ways to get my insurance down? thanks

Battle of the car insurance companies?

There has been TONS of commercials of car insurance, its practically a car insurance battle lol. Who will win?  Progressive  State Farm  Nationwide  Allstate  General  Geico  21st century who are you rooting for? Lmao! xD""

Can I own a car and not have insurance? ?

I just got a car and still paying on the loan for it. I just got a job offer in another country that I plan to take (I will be there about a year or two). I don't want to sell my car and be left paying the rest of the loan balance. I wanted to know if in the state of Virginia if I can cancel my insurance and park my car in the garage until I get back a year or two from now. It will not be driven. My sis says that if it is still registered in my name I will have to have insurance whether I drive it or not. Im not sure so could anyone please clarify? Thanks!

How much is car insurance for a 19 year old? Average estimate..?

How much for a 19 who had one accident?

Where can a recent college grad find affordable short-term health insurance?

I am not sure what to do about health insurance after I graduate from college (in a few months). I know that I am going to need some time to job hunt (my field is very competitive) and I would also like to do some volunteer work before I start my career. Problem is, if I am not a full-time student, my parents' health insurance won't cover me, and if I don't or can't find a job with benefits right away, I will be left uninsured. Any ideas where I can get affordable health insurance for short-term (no more than a year and a half) ??? Thanks!""

Im losing all my teeth & I cant get insurance anywhere!!!!?

I am only 22 years old & I noticed all of my back teeth slowly breaking away about 6 months ago. I went to a clinic & found out I have a bad infection, next to no enamel & serious gum disease. They gave me prescription & that's when I found out I had no medical insurance. I never got the meds. because I could not afford them. Since than it has gotten so much worse. I am a single mom of 2 young boys. I pay my own Rent phone electric & everything else with a next to nothing paycheck. So at the end of the month I am left with Nothing. I went to the welfare office & was turned down because I make more than 400$ a month. My job doesn't provide dental but this infection has spread so fast that I don't have 1 tooth that's not infected & the only ones that can even still be saved are the top 4 in the front. I don't even remember what it feels like to eat solid food & I have tried everything to get health insurance..but I have no $ left over @ the end of the mouth. I feel lost. Does any1 know of anything I can do? This is painful in every way.& I think it is crazy that I can not have dental insurance because I have a job. I cant quit my job to save my teeth. My fronts probably have less than a month b4 they start to chip away from the gum line...& I am out of options.""

How much would motorcycle insurance cost for a 17 year old boy?

How much would motorcycle insurance cost for a 17 year old boy?

Does insurance go up if I buy a car?

I'm 16 and I just got my license in California. My parents won't buy me a car because they think that if I get a car, my insurance rate will go up. Is this true? Or does insurance rate remain the same if i buy a car? THANKS""

If i were to drop my car insurance for a few months can i get it back when i want?

basically my car sucks in the winter (i.e. the snow lol) so i havent been driving it for like 3 months now, and it will prolly be another 2 months till i begin driving it again, and im paying my car insurance on it but really im not using it lol, and moneys a little tight, so i was wondering if i were to drop it for a few months, can i jus call back up or w/e and get my insurance back on it with no problems, or fees or anything, or should i jus continue paying the remaining months, im 19 so my rates arent cheap lol (even tho ive had no accidents)""

Car insurance problem?

yesterday crashed my car into the back of a young man in an old Y reg ford escort no damage to his car just a loose exhaust which i am giving him money to get fixed. But my car Y reg Peugeot 206 1.4 quicksilver, the bonnet has gone so will have to buy a new one. if i go through insurance to get my bonnet done will it affect my annual insurance cost? at the moment it is 800 how much do you think it will go up by. by the way i am only 18 this is my first year of driving under my mothers policy.""

What cars would be cheap to buy and on insurance for a 16 y/o driver?

my years i like are 1995-2004 and i dont want to spend more than 2000-3000 and more than 100-150 on insurance

Affordable health insurance?

What are some affordable Health Insurance Options in NYC for Latin American father and his child to be? My friend doesn't have health insurance and is planning on putting his new baby (born around Oct.) on his policy with him. He's Latin American and has his permanent residence card, but is not yet a citizen. Anyone know of any affordable plans for him to look into in the Manhattan area?""

Why does car insurance never get cheaper?

I'm getting older, my car is worth less each year, I have accrued 9 years plus NCB and have never caused an accident in 15 years, yet each year my insurance goes up, and those things that used to be included ( hire car, accident insurance etc) you have to pay extra for.""

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.

""Is it legal to drive in California without insurance? (insurance on the person, not the car)?""

Hi, my car is insured, but I just got my license today and I am not insured. The car is under my parents' name and my dad told me it was legal to drive without insurance... but I am unsure of whether this is true or not. Can someone please clarify? Thanks in advance, Liz.""

Teenager boy Car insurance?

i am 17 years old and I just got my license. I try to get some quotes under my moms name and it came out to be around 3000 to 5000, in other words, 2 to 4 grand every six month just for me. How much is normal teenager boy insurance rate it NY State? One of my friends(they are twins) and they pay 20 total under their parents insurance. They own really creppy car costs like 1700 but still I thought guys under 30 pay the most expensive rate in car insurance. What exactly is the average rate for teenager boy? I DO NOT Want any recommendation to go get a quote in insurace companies or wutever.""

Is it worth paying over $100+ car insurance?

I'm currently a college commuter and I drive a 1997 Toyota Corolla DX sedan with over 180k miles on it. My insurance company is GEICO and they put me on a 6 month payment plan where my premium is $839. Now the thing is that I pay about $140 a month for 6 months until that total is paid off, but is it worth paying $140 car insurance for a car that was manufactured in 1997 with over 180k miles and doesn't run or look to good at all. Should i try to finance a preowned or used car? If so how should i do it? I know there are many options in paying for a new car, but I'm 19, in college, working at Walmart part-time, and own a online business. Tips are appreciated.""

What cheap but reliable family car is best to buy must be auto cheap insurance?

What cheap but reliable family car is best to buy must be auto cheap insurance?

Should we keep health insurance or get rid of it?

anyone know the pros and cons of either getting rid of health insurance or to keep it?

Is it legal to use foreign car insurance in the UK?

I'm a 17 year old male and I've just passed my driving test, I'm trying to think of every and any way possible to get car insurance as cheap as possible. I was wondering whether it's possible to purchase and use car insurance from a foreign company in the UK and if it is possible whether you could have a policy on an English car or whether i'd have to purchase an import. Thanks in advance.""

Car Insurance when selling Car?

Ok the situation is as follows: I am selling my car for a new one. I have asked my current insurer to transfer my policy to the new car which is fine. However I then questioned about temporarily insuring my old car under the policy and they wanted a ridiculous amount of money for a week - I also do not know how long it will take to sell the car. I questioned the amount and asked what customers generally do when they wish to keep an old car insured. I was told that I could drive my old car on a 3rd party basis as my policy going forward covers me fully comprehensive. I thought fantastic - but then I was shocked when I was told that if I drive the car it is insured 3rd party only but as soon as I park it up somewhere it is uninsured and could be towed away by the police. I have since read my policy document which claim that I can drive any other car 3rd party providing I do not own the car and that there is already insurance in place? Can anyone clarify the above or provide advice. I am so confused and unfortunately are unable to call my insurer back now or over the next couple days? Thanks in advance

What would my allstate car insurance be?

im a 16 year old female. i went through driver's ed (so you're suppose to get a discount) and my mom had been a member of allstate for at least 10 years with no accidents or anything. so im wondering, about how much would MY car insurance be? if it matters about the car i would be driving, we're getting a red 87 toyota celica coupe thanks!""

Do I need to change my Car Insurance? What do i need to do?

I am a foreign student in United States. I stayed at California for 2 years. Now, I moved to Indiana State. I have a car Insurance with California address. My License plate is still California's. Do I need to do anything with my insurance? When I tried to do a trial quote for changing address at Geico, the quote for new address is almost 2 times more expensive than the old one. I don't know what to do. I believe Indiana Auto insurance must be cheaper than that of California. Should I just cancel it and start a new one? Do I still need to do anything with DMV?""

Typically Cheapest Auto Insurance Company in Massachusetts?

Suggestions anyone? Anyone shopped around and found a company that is better overall?

Where to find cheap insurance when I have a teenager that lost her license for three months?

My daughter received three tickets and her license was suspended, She is able to get it back now but the insurance company wants to charge me $500 a month just for her. Are they kinding who can afford that.""

How much will my car insurance cost monthly?

I'm 20 years old, female, college student, never been in an accident, 0 tickets, i've had my license since i was 18, my occupation: customer service. i'm self supporting, my insurance will not be under parents. it will be under my name. i'm looking to just get basic liability coverage. the car i'm considering to get is a white 2003 toyota celica gt coupe. with about 95kmiles. what insurance do you recommend and how much do you think it will cost for me monthly?""

Any idea how much motorcycle insurance for a 19 yer old Female in Texas would cost?

i been driving for at least 13 years (since i was 7 i was driving a 150cc) at 15 i started driving a 1600cc yamaha royal star :D (so dont say i dont know) i had a mexican motorcycle license for about 4-5 years (i am verly gonna get tx Licence) And i am planning on getting maybe a 600cc sportbike to use in TX

Can i get a bought car with someone elses insurance?

So i bought a car but it needs to be fixed so i need to tow it to my house. I dont have insurance on it yet until i fix it. My parents have triple A and are real good customers. Can triple a tow the vehicle to my house even of its not insured yet?

First time vehicle owner..need cheap car insurance?

18..my first car and i need some extremely cheap car insurance

Typically how much does it cost to have renters insurance?

Typically how much does it cost to have renters insurance?

Which auto insurance carrier is best?

I want to find a reliable company. I've looked into Geico and Allstate... just don't know how they handle claims and things. Any input?

How much will insurance go up with 2 points on drivers license in CA?

Im from California. So I have 2 points on my driving record how much will the insurance go up? I work for a company as a driver. They have The Hartford car insurance. Thanks.

Car insurance question?

My boyfriend doesn't have a car therefore he doesn't have car insurance... If he were to get into an accident driving my car or get a ticket, would my insurance go up? I have full coverage and the insurance company said he and I would be covered. But I was wondering if my insurance would go up if he were to get pulled over or get into an accident.""

Are car insurance companies having a laugh?

Me and a friend were taking out some car insurance quotes the other day - entering his information in he got 1700 a year on an old '95 (i think) cincequento, which frankly was hilarious. Then, all we changed was the address so that he lived at my house. It pushed the insurance up to something like 2700. Now I dont get this - he lives in a pretty rough area in my town, right near where all the boy racers live and such. I however live in a small village about 2 miles away and just outside of the town. In my area, the population is about 90% seniors and it is very quiet. I thought insurance companies were supposed to weigh the risks of location against their policy? Why has mine come out a grand more?""

""If i have no income will obamacare subsidies 100% of my health insurance, and co pay?""

If i have no income will obamacare subsidies 100% of my health insurance, and co pay?""

Well for my first car what should it be? thats affordable and wont kill me in insurance.?

I love mustangs as i said before in my last question and i would like to know any suggestions to get other than that (that's a sporty stylish car) with leather seats and tiny (something like a mustang).

Car insurance question! help?

Ok so I'm 17 years old. I have had my license for 5 months. I have never gotten a ticket, been in an accident or pulled over. My parents are buying me a car.. and well I'm a teenage guy so I want a sports car. My parents said I can't have a car with a v8 engine or any kind of GT because it will raise the insurance cost. I found a nissan 300zx online for around 4,500. It isn't a gt, its automatic and its a v6. I told my dad about it and he said no. When I asked why he said because nissans are different and the insurance will be high if I buy that car, but he says its fine if I get a different car make that has a v6. Is what he said true? Will the insurance go higher because its a nissan sports car? (We have gieco)""

How much would insurance group 7 be?

would just like an estimate how much insurance group 7 is

What type of car would have the cheapest insurance? Over 25 but 2 dui's... I know... stupid...?

I just got my release for my license back and am looking for a new used car. I'm also trying to keep the insurance price down (I'm sure like everyone). Any suggestions on a type of car or insurance company that would be good to use please let me know. thnx

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.

Can I insure a vehicle I don't legally own? ?

Can I insure a vehicle I don't legally own? ?

""I have medicaid for my baby,how long can I have it for?

My daughter is covered under medicaid. She can't get insurance because she has a pre consisting condition. I am wondering how long I can have medicaid for? Is it wrong for me to ...show more

What is the average cost of mobile home insurance in California?

What is the average cost of mobile home insurance in California?

""What does Flood Insurance cost in Houston, Texas? We are moving there in a few months. Thx!?

Friend of ours told us it can be expensive in Houston. Is that true?

Denied car insurance?

what happens if all the major car insurance companies deny you insurance if your a first time driver and have bad credit. geico and allstate denied me already. what can i do if they ALL deny me?

What are california's car insurance laws?

Im a new driver and was wondering if its a type of insurance i need. I only have Liability on my car nothing else am i ok if i get pulled over and asked for proof of insurance??

How much is insurance on a 125cc?

WhAts a average insurance price for a geared 125

How much would motorcycle insurance cost?

Hello, i'm 20 about to be 21 in december, but i'm gonna be going for my motorcycle license in a week, an planning on buying a kawasaki ninja 250R since it has good reviews, but i'm wondering how much it would be for insurance i'm just going for motorcycle license cause i don't like cars, trucks etc. but yeah so i don't have a normal license so i have no driving record of crashes etc. i'm in indianapolis, IN cause i know states vary. Rob""

How can I get the cheapest car insurance in the UK?

I am 29 and have had a driving licence for 11 years but in another country (non EU). I just got my UK licence and am looking for a cheap insurance. the cheapest quote I have found is over 2000 which is too much. I have a 1.6 automatic Golf. Is there any company that accepts my previous licence as my experience? I also tried to get my No Claim Bonus letter from my Insurance company but they simply don't answer me as the system is different in my country so no chance of getting that. thanks

No car insurance california get fine reduced?

I bought a used car from the highway patrol (crown victoria) and i gor pulled over on the way home for no license plate. I got a ticket for no insurance how can i get it reduced or get out of it? I did get insurance the same day with Allstate when i got home. And dont leave a hole answers please

Female car insurance companies?

does any1 know any good cheap female car insurers?

Average amount of settle payouts from substandard insurance companies?

Average amount of settle payouts from substandard insurance companies?

""How much, on average, would it cost to get a Thyroid Function Test? (No insurance) Info on Hypothyroidism?""

I was told that I might have Hypothyroidism because of my constant low blood pressure & low body temp. I was reading the symptoms and seem to have the following. Poor muscle tone (muscle hypotonia) Fatigue Cold intolerance, increased sensitivity to cold Depression Constipation Muscle cramps and joint pain Arthritis Thin, brittle fingernails Brittle hair Paleness Dry, itchy skin Weight gain Thinning of the outer third of the eyebrows Low basal body temperature Impaired memory Impaired cognitive function (brain fog) and inattentiveness <-all the time now Migraine headache Sluggish reflexes Anxiety/panic attacks <All the time now Increased need for sleep <All the time now Irritability and mood instability <All the time now Decreased sense of taste and smell Depression (Had <that for years and years now) Could it be the depression & Borderline Personality Disorder causing this or thyroid problems causing the Mental issues? Thanks for any info!""

What is auto insurance ?

can anybody explain what is auto insurance ?

Proof of insurance before transferring title and registering car?

After buying a used car from a private party, how do i purchase insurance if the title has not been transferred yet? I'm planning on switching to Geico. But, before i can purhase their policy, the title has to be under my name. For the title to be under my name, i need to transfer it to me; however, i need proof of insurance for this. HELP please. I need some answers.""

How much do you pay for you're car insurance 17+ ? & names of insurers!?

Hey, I'd like to know some of you're insurance quotes and where from? Looking around to find some places! Cheers in advance 10points for someone who helps!""

""New to real estate, question about auto insurance?""

I drive my parents car but i am not insured, now that i've joined a real estate firm, they want me to have them as an additional insured. So what can I do now? Do I have to get insurance under my name? And how much would it cost to get the firm as an additional insured?""

What is the average cost for insurance for a 16 yr old?

i just got my license like 2 weeks ago and im wondering about how much would it cost for insurance also i live in San Leandro CA if needed if car/s needed: honda pilot 2008 honda accord lx 2001 i didn't want to check quotes online cause i'd need my address and i don't really wanna put all that info

Car insurance cost monthly?

Hi, I'm a newbie at this and maybe I should call my dad and just get the answer but he's kinda busy atm. How much does car insurance cost monthly or during a 6 month ...show more""

AXA Equitable Life Insurance?

anyone have Equitable as their insurance company? Comments? Also, can anyone tell me about the Flexible Premium Universal Life Insurance Plan? THANKS!""

18 year-old female in Florida (Manatee/Sarasota area) looking for car insurance.?

I am looking for inexpensive car insurance for a 2007 Scion tC. I have had no tickets nor accidents in the two years that I have had my license. Oh and I will be 19 in two months. Any help will be appreciated.

How much does it cost to insure a madza rx7 ?

I am only 18 and i really want an rx7, but i want the veilside widebody kit for it, my dad says i cant get one cause no one will insure me! This is my dream car if somebody from experiance or present owner could tell me what there insurance is so i can get a rough idea??""

Staying on my mother's health insurance?

I'm 19 years old, in good health, and moving out. My mother has been laid off and is getting a job out of state which is forcing me to move out (i'm not complaining just informing). She will be on cobra health insurance until the new job's health insurance kicks in but I was wondering if I'd still be able to be covered under her new job's insurance if we aren't living together. The only reason I ask this is because I am currently working part time at a job that offers health insurance but it is $70 per month. If it were up to me I'd go without health insurance but she informed me that it is required by law now (yay). I've read in some places that I would be able to stay covered by my mother's insurance until age 26 but I've also read in other places that if my job offers health insurance I cannot be covered on someone else's as a dependent. I live in Georgia if that matters! Any tips/suggestions welcomed, thanks!""

Can I drive an insured car without insurance?

I got my G2 a week ago and I was wondering if I can drive my parent's insured car without being listed as a driver. I drive very safely and I've never received any ticket but my insurance quotes are insanely high, especially because I am a guy. I really can't afford it and neither can my parents. Some people say I can still drive and some say no and I'm very confused. Please answer if you know for sure. Thanks in advance""

What should my average house insurance cost?

I'm buying an older house (1920's-1930's) in a working class neighborhood in California for about $200K. What should I expect to pay for my standard homeowner's insurance?

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.

""Difference in insurance price between 2007 4DR Chevy Cobalt, and 2008 Pontiac G6 GT 4DR?""

I currently have a 2007 Cobalt LT 4DR 2.2. I'm fairly happy with the car but I want a car with a little bit more room, that's still a GM or Ford and has a little bit better get up and go. I love my low insurance rates with the cobalt how much do you think i'd go up with the g6?""

What's the best car insurance company? Your experience?

I just purchased a new car and my family and I have about 4 cars currently under farmers insurance and pays way over $200 on car insurance...the dealer at the agency mentioned that he bought the same car and has 4 other cars with Nationwide and pays under $200 full coverage. In your experience and in your opinion from what you know or have experienced which insurance companys over the best service for your buck or offer great options. I think we are paying a lot and the options aren't that great. Thanks

Whats happens if I don't get car insurance?

I have a speeding ticket on my license, I'm about to go to court for another speeding ticket (19 over) and a reckless driving ticket (for burning tires). I am 18, with a Nissan 300zx (2 seater sports car) My insurance is currently $120 a month for liability (I think) , and will probably go WAY up I was thinking, what if I don't renew my insurance? Will I just get a $200 ticket when I get pulled over for it? $200 ticket >>> $300 a month for insurance More knowledge the better, cuz the 2 tickets I just got are gonna cost me out the ***, and insurance is ridiculous anyways, I have 0 wrecks, I'm considered high risk with tickets even though its just speeding and burning tires. Speeding on old highways with nobody on them, the worst thing I have to worry about is deer. Burning tires in secluded areas on roads nobody drives on really.""

How much will insurance be for a dodge charger?

How much will it cost for insurance if I get my son a 2006 dodge charger? He is 16.

Is car insurance expensive?

Im about to get my driver licence and my mom told me that car insurance is really expensive and that's the reason why she wont buy me a car.

How is the health insurance subsidies calculated?

Just wondering how the affordable care insurance tax subsidies are calculated? Is it based on last years wages or estimated wages of the year you are applying for the health insurance. Let's say I made $100,000 last year and retired this year and applied for the affordable care insurance. Say my estimated taxable income for 2014 was $40,000 with family of four, can I get government subsidies?""

Is car insurance cheaper in Delaware the PA?

I am going to be moving from Pennsylvania to Delaware in the upcoming months. I will need to change my auto insurance and was wondering for anyone else that has made this move, is it cheaper to insure in Delaware(Wilmington) then in Pennsylvania(suburbs)?""

How much is motorcycle insurance ?

How much is it if your 18 and have no accidents or tickets. Any cheap insurance companies? And it's not a sport bike or anything, just a normal starter bike that only goes about 100mph.""

Cheap car insurer for young driver?

I am a 19 year old male trying to find a cheaper car insurance quote than 1500. Does anyone know the cheapest car to insure? or a cheap insurer?

USAA Insurance on an RX8?

I am currently 19 years old and have a license with no infractions or anything like that. How much around would the insurance cost for a Mazda RX8, any of these years (2006-2010), for USAA?""

""What is the average cost of home owner insurance in Houston, Texas?

I know this varies and are based on different factors. I am just seeking an average - thanks!

Teenage insurance for 2001 Ford Escape? 2002 Jeep Liberty?

I'm thinking about purchasing this car used for my 18th birthday. I have to wait until i'm 18 so I can be on my own insurance. But I have taken drivers ed, and I will be buying this car full payment in cash. So I'm curious to know what the insurance could be! I have tried to get quotes online. You have to already be insured and own the car...I have tried so many. I also am a female, so my insurance will be a little lower. I just really need to find out what it would be! I was also thinking of purchasing a 2002 Jeep Liberty, any insurance guess on that? Ford Escape is a better car, but i'm just seeing what insurance could be for both. Thank you so much!""

Why are my insurance quotes coming to 20-40k?

Ok so i know insurance in London will be alot for a student like me who is 17, but why is it my friends are getting insurance for 2k in london and when i enter correct information on quote websites (obvisouly acting as if i am 17) that my quotes are coming to 44k, what should i do when it comes to getting my own policy? thansk""

People who cant afford health insurance are quacks?

i see the merits of having universal health care, kind of, but it seems to me that the problem is a lot of middle class citizens who just decide nto to purchase health insurance on the premise that they cannot afford it , and instead opt to buy material goods that are solely for luxury. you cant go out and buy nice cars and houses and bypass health insurance and then cry it off that the government should give free care to everryone.......i definitely agree it should be cheaper for the poor etc. bottom line: ppl need to realize health is the most important thing in there life, and satisfy that need, before thinking about personal possesions (nice cars etc)""

""Someone backed into me in a parking lot, is this insurance company lying?""

Foreigners backed into my car in the parking lot, they had insurance, I called the insurance company and they asked for an estimate on how much it would cost to fix it, I did, and they said okay and that they would mail it on Friday morning. It's now Monday and I haven't gotten it. They are in a state not far from us. Is this insurance company full of crap or do I just need to wait longer? Thanks :)""

Car insurance so unfair?

I am 18 and I know the prices are a joke, all I want is a 1.6 astra 2007 and I have to pay 10 k to get insured.Over in the US and over countries kids get massive jeeps, why is it over here, most people can't even afford a 1 litre corsa. Pisses me off that I get tied in with the same brush because of my age, surely can they charge a ridiculous price such as 5k and give you half back if you don't crash? they will still be profiting massively, as my dad pays 280 a year. If i want to suceed in life, I think i'm best leaving the UK, they just want everyone to use public transport and don't want people to have the luxury of driving a car. Anyone else agree ?""

Who pays? Auto or Health Insurance?

I was rear-ended and suffer with neck/back pain. Had hospital, ambulance and doctor's bills that my HEALTH insurance paid minus my co-pay with no questions (<$1,500. minor accident). Her AUTO insurance company has paid me a settlement that includes payment for my medical bills. I'm in Texas. (1) Will HEALTH ins. want to be re-paid? Meaning, is HEALTH primary or AUTO primary? (2) Can/Should I also file this on my PIP auto policy? Is TEXAS a state that allows double-dipping?""

The least expensive type of life insurance is _____.?

whole-life insurance term insurance endowment life insurance limited-payment life insurance

What is the best insurance?

Okay. Need the cheapest insurance for my boyfriend. He is 20, only three speeding tickets within a three years time, and wants a newer car.""

Im moving to Las Vegas. How much is car insurance in Nevada?

I am moving to Las Vegas. I am also planing to buy a car. How much is the car insurance in Nevada?

Car insurance in Nebraska?

How much would car insurance in Omaha, NE cost for a 16 y/o male?""

Car insurance and my rates?

Hi, I live in Adams County, PA and I have been with the same insurance company for about 20 years. I have a 1996 Chevy Suburban, high mileage. I have no accidents, violations, or points. I have a clean record. I walk to work and don't really drive far. I am paying over $1100 a year. This seems high to me. Is it?""

Cheapest Car Insurance - Canada?

Need a cheap car insurance... Don't spout off answers if you have no idea... I've researched: TD, RBC, CAA, AllState and Statefarm Living in Ontario!""

How much would my car insurance cost for under 25 for a multi car insurer?

i am 19 and want to start driving but insurance is a big issue and i don't have any knowledge in that department. So how much would my insurance be on the cheapest car (what car would that be?) as a multi car insurer?

How much should i insure my house for?

My house and land (combined purchase) cost $185,000.I have stainless steel appliances, (combined D/W, microwave, fridge, electric stove, central air and water heater. Furniture (contents) not purchased as yet and will be added later. How much should i insure my house for? *Note -land is not to be insured* Any suggestions on what i need to do, types of coverage and flaws to look out for? THKS for your kindness""

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/need-help-auto-insurance-sibylla-henderson"

[sassyshortstack]

I had a random flashback again today. It came out of nowhere. They got better - or rather fewer - this fall, and now it feels like they’re seeping back. They don’t last as long as they used to, but they’re just as real and even more jarring. When they come, my breath stops and I don’t realize it until my brain lands back in the present and I remember to breathe.

So, I’m going to sift through the memories in the hopes that writing about them will help keep the disturbing flashbacks at bay more. TW: cancer, death, grief, suicidal thoughts.

My sister Rebecca died on August 25, 2016. I watched it happen. But in many ways, I still don’t believe it.

On New Year’s Eve 2015, she was diagnosed with Stage IV cervical carcinoma and metastatic lung nodules. Which basically means she had a giant tumor in her uterus, and it had spread enough to cause damage to her lungs before we knew. She underwent chemotherapy and radiation for the following eight months. In the summer of 2016, she had to use an oxygen tank way too fucking often. Then one night in August, a week before she died, she started having sudden chest pain. My mom and I drove her to the ER. When they took her back to one of those terrible half-open ER rooms, with mattresses that are way worse than even the ones in my college dorms, I was with her. The nurse asked what pain level she was feeling on a scale of 1 to 10, and she managed to get out “Eight.” Somebody told my mother that Rebecca had a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot in the lung). Later that night, I asked my mom what that meant, and she told me just that - “it’s a blood clot in the lung” - but I didn’t really understand what it meant until days later.

My dad came to the hospital from the meeting he’d been at when we first brought my sister to the ER. He called my brother, who was several states away, to book a flight to come home right now, and in the back of the mind I realized that wasn’t a good thing. But I wasn’t scared. I knew my sister was stronger than this disease. I knew she’d make it. I just knew.

I wasn’t really scared until three nights later, when Dad, Andrew, and I were asleep (sort of) at home and Mom was at the hospital overnight. She called my dad at three in the morning to say Rebecca was having trouble breathing and being admitted to the ICU, and we needed to come right away. We all threw on clothes, jumped into the car, and sped off. I could feel my heart thumping so hard it was trying to escape my chest, as if my system beating harder and faster would help keep her alive too. We half ran into the ICU, and I was so afraid. I’ve never been afraid like that. I was standing on a sheer cliff of terror, ringing in my ears, my head spinning, so scared that she would be gone and I wouldn’t be there for her. My sister, my best friend in the whole world, my soulmate and guardian and inspiration and dearest love.

When we finally made it through security and all the fluorescent, sterile-smelling hallways and arrived in her room, I was relieved to see my sister alive - and then I saw our pastor standing there. Anger like I had never known pumped through me. Why the hell is she here? Rebecca isn’t dead. She shouldn’t be here, we don’t need her. I tried to push the fury aside. I played the part when she asked us to pray together, when she blessed my sister, when she read from the Bible. But inside, I was full of rage. Stop treating my sister like she’s dead. She’s right here, and she’s going to be fine. Fuck off.

And in some ways, I was right. Rebecca made it through the night. The scariest night of my life. I hated seeing her with that stupid bag under her oxygen mask, to help her breathe better. Seeing her with the oxygen tube so often earlier in the summer had been bad enough, but the mask was somehow so much worse. But she made it through the night. And the sun rose through the big glass windows by her bed, where I was perched in a chair. It was a stunningly beautiful sunrise - the sky morphed from a deep slate blue to all hues of pink and orange. I was the one sitting in the room with her when the sun came up - we were holding hands and not talking much. She nodded outside the window. “Look.”

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s so beautiful.”

“Yeah.”

At some point, one of the doctors came in to talk about their next steps, and although I don’t remember what exactly he said, he was basically telling us she’d be able to do outpatient radiation again in a couple days. My family kept saying that was good news, but I was confused and had this inexplicable bad, twisted feeling in my gut. I don’t know how I knew, but I just knew that he was wrong. If she was going to be better so soon, why did she still have to use that stupid oxygen mask? Why were we still in the ICU? I still knew deep down she’d make it, but I also knew that it wasn’t going to go the way he said it was. I felt totally spaced out. Looking back, that day - her first day in the ICU - was when the deep shock really started to settle in. We’d had tons of visitors every day she’d been in the hospital, and there were even more that day, including cousins, old teachers, church friends, work friends, and some people I hadn’t seen in years. In retrospect, that really should have been a warning to me. That night, our family friends made my mom leave the hospital instead of spending the night with her, which my brother, dad, and I were incredibly grateful for. They also made my brother and me leave to do something fun that evening.

I still just felt so wrong. I knew my sister would survive this, but I also knew the radiologist was wrong. I was moving and talking and hearing other people talk to me, but I was totally not in my own skin. We’d had tickets to see the Royals game that night, and I didn’t really want to go, but our family friends kept saying we needed to get out and do something, so Andrew, my Aunt Deb, Amanda (my cousin closest to my age, and who I’m closest with in my extended family), and I all went to the game. I was in the backseat behind Andrew, who was driving, and he and Aunt Deb were mainly the ones talking on the long drive to the stadium. I kept hearing their words float by me without totally connecting them. But then my aunt started talking in a way that suggested she was worried, that she was on the verge of tears, that she was scared for my sister. She said she wanted her to sign a fabric square for a quilt she was making my parents just in case. Dimly, I felt annoyed and angry again. Why did people keep doubting my sister? She already battled and overcame so much. She already made it through depression, and she was going to kick cancer in the ass. Why did no one seem to have faith in her but me?

And then one phrase in particular stuck out to me. “If indeed Rebecca does pass away.”

My breath seized up. It felt like iron weights were crashing around my ears and weighing down my chest, creating a racket and suppressing my airstream all at once. The world was disappearing. All that existed was the terrible noise and the horrible weight and the sickeningly blurred trees and buildings outside my window.

No one had told me.

No one had told me my sister was in danger of dying.

And that’s how I found out. Through an aside, in a car, on the way to a fucking baseball game.

And I still haven’t been able to forgive my parents for that.

The next day, everything got worse - but I somehow didn’t feel worse. I just felt empty. Dazed. I remember my aunt and uncle making my brother and me gluten free funfetti pancakes (my aunt had amusingly but very unintentionally bought the funfetti rather than regular box at the store without realizing) with big, ripe blueberries. I remember my sister’s regular doctor coming to talk to us. I couldn’t process what she was saying. It was like I could see her mouth moving, hear that there were words spilling out, but I couldn’t understand her. Like she was speaking another language I used to know, but I just couldn’t remember a lot of the words anymore. She sounded almost angry. I was confused. I think she was pissed at the radiologist who had been there the day before and told us a plan that would never come to fruition. My mother looked scared, but I was just lost. I had known, I had felt yesterday, that the other doctor was wrong, and it seemed like that was what Rebecca’s primary doctor was saying now. But I still knew she’d be fine.

Then the word “hospice” made it through the fog in my brain.

I didn’t understand at first, but gradually I realized. She was going to be transferred to a hospice house. Later that day, at home, I asked my mom what that meant. She said with tears in her eyes that they take people there who they think have less than a week to live. I think I cried a little with her, but deep down, I was still hopeful. I still knew she’d make it. She always had, after all. The hospice house was for old people who have lived their lives, not twenty-five-year-olds with so much left. She still had a chance.

That night, my other aunt - the one who got the funfetti pancakes - was taking her daughter Amanda and my brother and me to their house for the night. On the way there, it was suggested we get ice cream, so we stopped at a Freddy’s Frozen Custard. We all ordered ice cream, and laughed together about how this was the most productive feelings-eating session there had ever been. It’s amazing what good food and good family can do for the soul. I didn’t feel so alone all of a sudden. About two bites into our ice cream, Amanda started making a big production of wanting fries too to really complete the whole eat-our-feelings thing. She was being her funniest, Amanda-est best, standing up and running to the counter to get a large order of fries. The half hour or so we spent there, laughing and talking over the saddest fries and ice cream in the world, was oddly perfect. It was the most I’d felt like me all week.

The next morning, they moved her to the hospice house. It was a Wednesday. And since it was August in Kansas City, it was hot and humid and disgusting. I’ve never liked summer, but the summer of 2016 has given me eternal fuel for hatred for the season.

The hospice house was cozy and filled with love and prayers from many volunteers and former visitors. And I hated it. I hated the word “hospice,” which I hadn’t really heard or read since my grandpa died years ago. I hated the butterfly logo, the ornate carpet, the dimly lit rooms. More than anything in the world, I hated the smell. I can’t describe it, but it still fills my nostrils whenever I have panic attacks or flashbacks. It was totally different from the terrible sterility of the hospital, and different from any smell of any other house or home I’ve ever set foot in. It was all wrong, and strange.

Rebecca had so many visitors that day. We gave her a quilt square and a Sharpie to write her name, or to draw something. She was such a good artist. But she kept falling asleep. Why is she falling asleep? She kept starting to write something, and managed to get out a block letter A and little else. A? Why A? She kept falling asleep trying to write even one word. And I still don’t know what it was going to be.

Not long after that, she started to sleep. And not long after that, she was slipping out of consciousness. Visitor after visitor came to sit by her, talk to her, but she was fast asleep. At some point, I took a break to walk around the hospice house garden. My aunt gently suggested calling a friend from St. Olaf. So I asked Ellen if we could talk, and she was happy to help. I paced around the garden, restlessly going by flower after flower, for once not scared of the bees. It was sunny and bright, and thanks to a breeze, not excessively warm in the shade of the trees. There were spinning wind sculptures amidst all the plants. I paused in front of a clump of yellow roses. Ellen had given me a yellow rose when my grandfather died. I stared at them as I told her what was happening. She just kept saying how sorry she was, and how it sucked, and how she wanted to help me any way she could. I told her, truthfully, that she was helping. (Side note: And she still does, every day. We are roommates. On the one year anniversary of my sister’s death, she kept me company half the night when I couldn’t sleep.)

I went back inside. I talked with people. Lots of them. They all looked at me like it was hard to face me. I couldn’t fully understand why. If anyone could make it through this, it was my sister. And no one seemed to know it but me. One of the hospice house nurses came to tell us they thought it would be soon now. But I just didn’t understand.

Evening came, and so did a storm. Rain started pattering against the windows at about the same time darkness fell. Late in the evening, at around nine o’clock, it turned into a real thunderstorm. Lightning was crashing outside, and inside, dozens of our friends and family - at least thirty people - were crowded inside the room. I don’t remember who first suggested it, but somehow, it came up that we should sing. My family - and many of our friends - are very musical, especially my parents, brother, sister, and me, and many of us were raised in the Lutheran church. So somehow, someone suggested we sing a hymn, and my brother started us off. A few of us looked up the lyrics on our phones, and within a few bars, the singing was full and strong. And then someone suggested another song. And another. And another. Sometimes, there would be a pause in between, and other times someone would just start singing a new hymn right away after the last one. I preferred no silence, because my sister was having more and more trouble breathing, and it was agonizing listening to her. So I was singing and singing, full and rich, not even having to hold back tears, overflowing with the music, helping lead the song. After a while, in the back of my mind, I wished we could do a Christmas song, but I was worried people would think it odd if I brought it up. But not a minute after this wish popped into my head, one of my little cousins asked my brother if we could sing “Silent Night.” It made me really and truly happy - and not just because I have the mind of an eight-year-old. We kept singing and singing (including a couple more Christmas carols, but mostly other hymns), and strange as it seems now, it felt totally natural. 

All in all, we sang for two hours. And we only really stopped because a nurse came by shortly after eleven to tell us that there was going to be a tornado warning in the county, and now might be a good time for visitors who needed to return home to do so before the storm got worse. So, most people left. Only my aunt and uncle, and three of our really close friends who might as well be related to us by now, stayed. They all went with the nurses to a chapel inside the hospice house, which had more cover from a potential tornado than my sister’s room. The nurses told my parents, Andrew, and me that we were welcome to stay with Rebecca unless there was a tornado coming our way, at which point they would come get us.

So we stayed. We decided each of us would be by her side in shifts while the others slept still in the room. My parents were with her first; I planted myself on the couch and Andrew took the rollaway cot. I couldn’t sleep anyway - not that he really could either. When my parents were ready to trade, he told me quietly to try and sleep. I nodded. I rummaged through my bag to see if I had brought my iPod, and was hugely relieved to see I had. With a blanket wrapped around me in a chair near Andrew, I put the headphones in my ears and sifted through songs to make a playlist, trying to bring some semblance of comfort or sleep. I was looking through music for quite a while, partially because I was half listening to Andrew reading my sister books - Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. She was a preschool teacher, and those were two of her favorite books in the whole wide world. I loved and hated seeing him read to her like that. Then he told me he was going to try and find our family friends. I said okay, and moved into the chair beside her. My parents were asleep. It was just her and me.

I moved the chair closer, so that I could hold her hand. We held hands all the time, so I knew the shape and warmth of her hands well. So it frightened me out of my wits when I took her hand and this time, it was icy cold. I felt a shock of panic course its way through me, but shook it off. I had to be with her. She needed me. I swallowed and took a deep breath. Then I took out my phone and started to read. An Awesome Book of Love.

The words fell from my mouth, staggering a little at first, but gradually with a rhythm.

...But we aren’t all of those things - you’re you and I’m me. And we’re as together as together can be. And you know I’m aglow with a smile on my face When I wonder what magic you’ll make of this place - Of this town, of this world. You’ll transform your surroundings! That spirit inside you is truly astounding...

I started to crumble a little. The words came slower and slower. But I had to keep going. I squeezed her hand tighter, willing warmth to flow it, willing her breathing to ease. Her breaths were coming too slowly, and it terrified me to my core. I’d never heard anyone breathe like that. I wanted her to feel better. I continued on.

...I love you! I love you! In so many ways - Over thousands of years, over billions of days...

Tears were falling rapidly. This book meant so much to me, and the words were so perfect for how I felt about her, Rebecca, my sister, my sunshine. Dimly, I realized a nurse had quietly walked in. I kept reading. It was one o’clock in the morning, and I was tired and scared and confused and crying a little, but I kept reading. I glanced at the words, but mostly I looked at her face, her long eyelashes - which had managed to grown back even longer than they had been before all that chemo - resting on her cheek.

...I love you! When I’m holding your hand, When you’re making a plan, When you’re thinking a thought, When you’re dancing a dance.

And then...I stopped. Because the world had stopped.

She was gone.

I had watched her last breath. I had held her hand for the last time. I was the last one to see her alive. I saw her die.

I fell apart.

I started crying like I’d never cried before. My parents woke up, realizing what had happened. My brother came back, and I remember us all hugging. I couldn’t stop crying. I was splitting at the seams. I was going to die. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to be in a world that my sister wasn’t a tangible, living part of. Andrew took me out to the living room, guided me to a surprisingly comfortable couch. I curled up on one end of it, just like I do at home, while he went to get the rest of our family. I cried like I’d never cried before.

After a few moments, I pulled out my phone and texted my St. Olaf friends. It was the middle of the night, so I was surprised to get a reply from my close friend Brenna. She had been sending me links to songs throughout the week as I updated her on everything going on. That night, she sent me “No One is Alone” from Into the Woods. It was beautiful and sad and perfect.

A little while later - I have only some dim memories of my family friends coming back from the chapel - Andrew and I ended up on the couch together, with all the adults in the room. We talked. And it occurred to me that this was the last day the three of us would ever be together. Now it would just be Andrew and me. We hugged for a long, long time, and I cried and got snot all over his shirt. Eventually, he got up gently to make us both green tea and get out a box of gluten free crackers. I hadn’t even realized I was hungry or thirsty until he did that. It was still raining outside, but it wasn’t storming so hard anymore.

At around half past three, we all left. Andrew and I went back to my aunt and uncle’s once more, and although I tried to be quiet, I woke up my cousin when I climbed into her bed. She looked at her phone, saw the texts from her parents, and wrapped me in a warm, comforting hug. So many people held me while I cried that night, but she was the one who made me laugh. The storm had picked back up by the time we got to their house, and when a huge streak of lightning, followed quickly by a loud crack of thunder, split the air, we both laughed a little.

“Rebecca must be throwing a party up there,” she said hoarsely.

I laughed. “Yeah.”

That week, and especially the night Rebecca died, has changed me forever, but I’ve grown enough to know now that this shitty experience hasn’t ruined me. It’s not the ending of my story, even though I still sometimes wish it was - and it’s sure as hell not the end of her story either. She lives on in me, and in so many other people - our family and friends, her music, even her preschool students. And even though I still find myself, like that night, sobbing in agony, or feeling empty and lonely and totally wrung out, or wishing the world would end or at least go away...I also find myself, like that night, surrounded by love more times than I can count.

She was always so full of love. Overbrimming. And I have been, too.

I still am.

- - -

I’d still love you no matter what sense it would make. I’d love you whenever, whatever it takes. I’d love you no matter, cause you’re you and I’m me - Together forever, in love as can be. - An Awesome Book of Love, Dallas Clayton