#but all eye burnage

[liccy]

When I say I peaked in 2004, this is what I meant. So many Naruto Draws. Majority of them Crack.

Good times, good times. Dang, I wish i was just as active as I was back then.

[starssaroundmyscarssblog]

𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄

pairing: 90s!liam gallagher x fem!tennis player!oc

summary: in which they probably shouldn't have ever been a thing, but liam and lottie don't really care that much

word count: 2.19k

warnings: swearing, allusions to sexual content, fade to black smut bc it makes me uncomfy sorryy ++ links to the 'fern and noel' saga

he didn't know how it ended up the way it did, but fuck was he happy about it.

when they were younger he would stand on the side of the court behind a net at the tennis centre twenty minutes away from burnage on the train for her county matches. now he sat in guest boxes and spent time not rehearsing and recording plane hopping from open to open, tournament to tournament watching the way her agile feet jumped along the clay staining the soles of her white tennis shoes red.

she acted in turn thought and for that liam was thankful. watching her launch the ball from serve to return over the net was exhausting, but he knew the training and flying to catch the occasional gig was worse and he didn't know how she did it: give a blinder of a performance at the wimbledon grand slam finals and then land in lisbon to see him perform after her hours of press campaigns.

in liam's eyes, lottie could do no wrong; she was perfect in every sense of the word back when they'd started dating in secondary school. she'd offered to help him to pass his ppe's at the pleasure of his mam, she didn't smoke or do drugs at house parties, wouldn't touch a drop of alcohol until she was of legal age and even still it was rare enough to see her do it.

training took up every week night as well as all day saturday, she worked at the bar at the boardwalk in the evening (ironically she was a dab hand at making a blinder of a cocktail) and dedicated sunday to her homework followed by perfecting her serve stance and follow through.

lottie had everything going for her, something that she made clear she wished he had too. many a time she'd be sat with liam late at night, after her shift at the boardwalk, in the middle of the grassy patch in the children's play ground. "someone'll notice you eventually, i know they will. everyone who's seen you loves you."

liam pulled a handful of grass up with his hands out of frustration, a half burnt out cigarette hung between his lips that she couldn't keep her eyes off. "dicks aren't writing about us, though. no-one south of hale or north of oldham knows who we are."

three weeks later, liam had interrupted her training session. he cut off her backhanded serve and pulled her shoulders to him to kiss her soundly as lottie's tennis instructor yelled at him to leave. liam pulled away, grinning brighter than she'd ever seen him, "we've got a record deal, lotts. creation want to work with us, they've signed us!"

a grin split her cheeks right in two. lottie flung her arms around his neck, stood right on the tips of her toes to keep a balance her instructor would have been proud of had he seen it out into action in another other given situation. he blew sharply on the brass whistle hanging on a loop around his neck, hands on his hips as he glared lottie down. she withdrew and whispered a select congratulations in his ear and pushed liam away towards the gate he'd bulldozed through, with a kiss to the pulse point on his neck

lottie was training for the french open when she was called over to the reception desk, hot and sweaty with her hair stuck to the back of her neck, to take a phone call. "hello?" she questioned down the line, rolling her ankles so she could jog back to the clay courts and hit the ground running. she nearly lost her grip on her racquet, slipping through her fingers to collide with her trainers, when liam laughed down the line. "hey lotts, you wouldn't mind paying out my bail would ya love?"

"i thought you were going to belgium," she managed to splutter out, "what did you do to get arrested on a ferry?"

"bit of a long story, babe, but can you pay it?"

she sighed and pinched her nose. "fine, yes. but seriously, liam, this is the last time i'm going to do it. if i find out this has anything to do with you snorting one before boarding you'll be out of my flat and onto your arse faster than you can blink."

on the other end of the line, standing against a pay-phone in a belgian police station, liam adjusted has stance against the pillar. he sat down on one of the wooden slated benches lining the concrete walls and tried to cover his crotch. he chewed his lip in thought, laughing fakely at something bonehead shouted, and his voice turned sombre. "it's not. promise. just had too much to drink an' all that, having a bit of fun before r'kid turns into commander and fuckin' chief."

he heard her heavy sigh and his heart sank. liam had no doubt in his mind that he would be out on the end of astrid's boot in a second if he didn't clean up his act. "i mean it, li. one whiff of cocaine being found in my house and the confederation won't let me compete. i'll phone alan and tell him i'm paying out your bail. you can call me when you get back." lottie hung up on him and handed the receiver back to honey, who was sat behind the desk and messing with the crucifix around her neck pretending like she hadn't overheard any of the conversation.

out on the courts and with little under two months until her first match of the french open, lottie bounced from service to base line, firing fuzzy balls back to over the net while the red clay stained the hem of her whites. she scratched her racquet more times than was necessary to lunge for the ball, while shooting up and zipping around the boxes as she worked harder against the machine.

sometimes during their rigorous training jamie, her coach of seven years, would start loud shouting conversations while lottie was working her arms and thighs. he argued it helped her maintain good breathing regulation and improved concentration, because viewers in the stands could be distracting at the best of times. "so what's new with the rock star, then?"

she grunted as she sent another ball flying over the net and into the wire fence surrounding the court, skidding on her toes in pursuit of the next only an arm's stretch away, "nothing. the twat's only gone and got himself arrested because he got pissed on an over night ferry. 'this is the last time, babe, i promise'", she mimicked in a high pitched voice, "like hell it is."

"ah." jamie ran a finger over the hair he was trying to grow out on top of his lip, "has the brother been in touch yet?" a cold wind shot through the air and he pulled up the zip of his tracksuit closer to his neck. lottie's back flared up in goosebumps but she kept moving, running around the court and rounding up the balls to pour them back into the funnel of the dispensing machine. "no, but i'm expecting a call soon. when one phones the other usually follows suit."

astrid pounded at the treadmill in the gym of her hotel in paris, five minutes away from the large clay court stadium she'd thrashed each of her opponents on. she'd played her way to the final three days and came away relatively unscathed, apart from a strain in her serving wrist that a quick round of physio patched back up. lindsay, an american who was in the running for the doubles championship, was using a bike next to her.

between the two of them they shared an earbud each, stemming from a cassette player settled on the window sill and balancing in the middle of their sponsored water bottles. all of a sudden liam's voice crackled through her ear, and lottie shook her head as she cranked up the incline under foot. lindsay looked at her out of the corner of her eye, cycling as if her life depended on it. "not a fan?" she inquired, bringing down the gears to loosen the tension burning in her calves.

"it's not that," she panted, pushing through the blister forming on her heel, "i just can't believe you are. they're bastards, all of them."

lindsay gradually brought her legs to a stop, taking a moment to bring down her breathing before swinging over the seat to stand up, "i thought you were going out with one of the brothers."

"oh, i am," the incline increased again, "but it doesn't mean i can't call them that." lottie brought the treadmill down until she was walking on a flat line, and took a large sip of water. she looked at her watch and checked the pedometer hooked over her shorts by her hip and started to gather her things. lindsay moved to grab a skipping rope and stretched out her arms behind her back.

"and speaking of whom, i'm off. they should be here by now, good luck for tomorrow if i don't see you."

"and you, lotts. i've heard martínez is training hard, she won't give you an easy run."

lottie zipped her fitted jacket halfway up and tucked her thumbs into the loops around her wrists. "i know. see you on the podium." she left the gym with the two plaits her hair had been tied in laying over her shoulders. in the lift, lottie brushed her eyebrows back into place and checked her watch again, sidestepping a confederation official on the way out into the lobby.

she rocked back and forth on her heels near enough away from the reception desk so as not to look like she was loitering, but close enough to be saved if there were any photographers crouched in a bush with a long-range lens.

as lottie was attempting to push back a cuticle on her nail, she heard liam first rather than seeing him. his loud voice disrupted the peace of the hotel, earning him a disapproving glance from the bellboys and an even dirtier look from noel who was sulking behind, face like thunder.

liam sauntered into the lobby with his sports bag slung lazily over his shoulder, and his eyes were drawn to the dip of lottie's tits first before her smile. she wrapped her arms around him and sighed heavily in content, taking his congratulations on her progress in the open to heart. then she drew away and went to hug noel, who visibly recoiled.

"what's up with you?"

"nowt." he grumbled, shuffling around with room keys.

liam scoffed. "like fuck it's nowt. you're just in a mard because fern broke up with ye'." noel looked like he was ready to hit his brother square on the nose, but was restraining greatly. lottie tried not to sound too sympathetic when she consoled him.

"look i don' want to fuckin' hear it from you either, lotts, no offence. now is there an offie 'round here, i'm dying for a cig and i haven't got nowt."

lottie furrowed her brow in thought and tried to ignore liam looking at her out of the corner of her eye as if he wanted to jump on her right there and then in the glossy lobby.

she crossed her arms under her chest to push up her tits more, just to wind him up. liam discreetly adjusted the way he was standing. "err, yeah. i think there's one just down the road."

"cheers."

noel had sped away before he could even ask someone to take his bag up to his room. liam grumbled out 'lazy cunt' as he made a show of hauling it over his other shoulder, herding lottie into the lift with a hand over her chest.

as soon as the mirrored doors slid shut and they felt movement, liam was attacking lottie with a kiss so searing she felt breathless within seconds.

"missed you so fuckin' much," he mumbled, moving to ravage her neck.

when the lift doors slid open again she dragged him back to her room with her hands on the back of his neck, pushing noel's bag off is shoulder and leaving it abandoned outside his room. liam's hands were roaming over her arse and he withdrew the room key from her back pocket, scanning it before shoving her inside.

"all that time away from you was fuckin' torture," he groaned as her nails dragged down his stomach and traced the low-hanging waistline of his jeans, "need you now, babe." he sighed against her chest as lottie slowly unbuckled his belt, his hand weakly climbing her torso to palm at her tits through her tight jacket.

lottie smirked, "if being this far away from me turns you into this much of a mess, liam," at this she walked him over to her bed to sink down between his legs, following the seam of his jeans up his thighs and to his exposed boxers, "i'm going to have to get competing more often."

🪩⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊🎤

[filled-with-fat]

Ben + Oscar💜💜💜💜

Benedict Lockheart-Smith goes to Burnage Graduate College for boys, an all-boys graduate college in Manchester, England. Ben is 5ft11, stoutly built, blue eyes, light brown/blonde hair and a chubby red face. He’s teased at school for being fat, they say “it’s Ben, he’s fatter than all other men!” …even though he’s only really got a slight overhang and weighs in at an unexciting 170lbs. But he assures me he wants to get fatter. I’m Oscar, I also go to Burnage Academy for boys, in Manchester. I’m fit, well I would say so at least. I’m 6ft1, dark brown hair, brown eyes, an tabletop build. Why hang-out w someone like Ben? He’s fat. And he wants to be fatter. And fat, well it just turns me one, everything about it, I want it, I want to control someone who is overtly obese. Ben could be just that.

Ben lives 5 minutes away from my flat. I walk with him every morning to school. I meet him outside his house; he’s always in that school shirt that’s too tight, each week his belly looks even tighter in it, his parents can’t afford to keep up with his excessive weight gain. We walk to school, I walk, he waddles profusely trying to keep up with me. Schools a 10 minute walk away, we pass the same McDonald’s every morning. I always pay for Ben’s order, he’s already had breakfast, his parents don’t know he’s now having a second. He always gets 2xEgg McMuffins and a pancake stack, a large coke and bacon strips. He’s already eaten it all by the time we get to school. At break, I present to him my backpack , filled with chips, sweets, doughnuts, we spend the 30 minutes in the lockerooms, shoving calorific snacks into his rotund belly. He loves it. We have one lesson together, Geography, we don’t sit next to each other; there’s a seating plan. He sits 2 spaces infront of me, next to a girl called Olivia. Every lesson I love to observe the disgusting looks she gives him as my boy tries to wedge his gut and ass past her into his seat. It excites me. Of course I mess around with my mates all lesson at the back of the class, we do no work.

At lunch, we pile his plate up in the refectory. The food is disgusting and inedible, yet Ben eats it, and goes up for seconds, sometimes even thirds. The kitchen staff love him. He’s starting to take up two seats on the bench, which excites me greatly.

After school, we walk home. A different way, this time past a BurgerKing, he gets his usual, a Bacon Double Cheese XL, a Chicken Royale Cheeseburger and crispy chicken, 2x bbq dips and xl fries. I pay for it of course. His parent don’t know he’s getting all this calorific food. We eat in this time. I sit next to him in the booths, I rub bens belly, I open the middle button on his seriously stretched shirt, there’s a red mark in his flab from the button, I rub his fat belly, hoping it will help the food go down quicker, my favourite is when I kiss him when he’s still eating. Of course we get many stares from the people at Burger King. We then walk home, sometimes he comes over to mins, sometimes I go over to his, I always give the remainder of sweets from my bag, I’ll have restocked them by tomorrow.

At his, we go upstairs, to his rooms. I unbutton the rest of his shirt, the last button pops under the force of his flab. I unzip his trousers, pressing my fingers into his fat pad to stop the zipper getting stuck. I help Ben pull them off. He waddles over to the bed, where all the sweets and snacks are laid out. He’s eating all of them now. I watch as Ben easts his way further into obesity. I want him fatter. I want each one of his gluttonous rolls to fill with lard.

[newtonsheffield]

No one asked to see this: But here's what happened when Mary Sharma Auctioned Anthony Bridgerton off to fund the renovation of the library at her school, but I wanna talk about it!

"Anthony, I wondered if you'd do me a little favour."

Kate froze a little against him as Mary spoke, her heart stuttering a little. They were sitting together in Mary's tiny front room in Burnage, his hand nervously hovering an inch away from her waist, his cheeks bright red as she sat on his lap, her back pressed against his chest, their legs running the length of the sofa, nervous energy radiating off him in waves now that Mary had spoken.

"Of course, Mrs Sharma, I'd be happy to help."

Kate took his hand finally tugging it down to make contact with her waist, intertwining their fingers against her skin. Anthony let out a relieved sigh, relaxing behind her just a little, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"We agreed you'd call me Mary." She hummed from her armchair across the room, her eyes watching them closely as they sat together after dinner. "I wondered how you'd feel playing football against twenty eight year olds."

Kate's stomach lurched, "Mary, Anthony's-"

But Anthony cut her off, a soft smile on his face "For your class, I'd love to!"

"We have a sort of... parents Day and I thought it might be nice for them to see." Mary smiled brightly at him. "We have a few City fans."

Anthony grinned, "I'll talk to Ben, get the kids some gear, but I'm happy to do it." He looked so happy, something in Kate's chest tugged, especially when he seemed to blurt out. "I love kids, I wanna have a whole bunch of kids one day!" His eyes widened in time with Mary's, in time with Kate's. "Um like... yeah. I do."

And the next week when Kate saw Anthony running around the tiny school oval, in his full match gear as though his was taking it seriously, twenty eight year olds herding around him, chasing after the football, his eyes bright. Something deep in her chest burned.

"Mmm I know that look." Mary hummed beside her, her eyes sharp.

Kate forced herself to scoff, though her heart leapt into her throat as Anthony celebrated the kids goal with a backflip that sent them all cheering. "I'm not thinking about that right now."

"Sure you aren't." Mary said smiling, "But at least you know he wants, what was it he said now, let me remember... A whole bunch of kids. Just in case you do start thinking about it."

And really, when Anthony let them win, and signed every single piece of merchandise thrown his way for ninety minutes, she wasn't not thinking about it.

But unfortunately Anthony's willingness to help the children seemed to give Mary, an even grander idea.

"Anthony, have I told you that we're fundraising for the library to be renovated?" Mary's voice was even, back in the front room, positions almost identical, Edwina laying on the floor in front of the fire.

"Mary..." Kate sighed, but again Anthony shook his head,

"I don't have my cheque book with me, but I can drop by this week, and-"

Mary laughed, cutting him off, "I'm not asking for your money, lord." She took an odd sort of breath, "I wondered if maybe you'd... donate your services."

Kate froze a little, but Anthony, sweet Anthony, did not sense the danger that even Edwina did, cackling madly from the floor.

"What did you have in mind ? I have to warn you, I'm not great with a hammer."

Mary's eyes slid to the floor, "I thought maybe we could... do a bachelor's auction."

Edwina guffawed, "Bad luck, Anthony."

and ridiculously, kate's heart stuttered, "Well, that's ridiculous, mary, he's not going to-"

"Sounds great!" Anthony cut across her, smiling brightly.

Kate wheeled around, stunned, staring at her boyfriend, "You can't be serious."

Anthony shrugged, clearly unbothered, "It's not like I'm going to do anything, I'll take them out for dinner, give them a drive in the babe magnet-"

"We agreed you were never calling your car that again."

"Sorry, did it or did it not draw you to me?"

Kate sighed, thinking about the monstrosity parked outside right now. "That car was a deterrent."

"It is foul like, Anthony." Edwina agreed, enjoying this far too much.

"So we've agreed." mary said, taking control of the situation, "Anthony'll be auctioned, the kids will get a new library."

Edwina was still cackling madly when mary said, "I'm not sure why you're laughing, darling, I've put your name in already."

"You know you don't have to do this right?" Kate hummed, her eyes ghosting over Anthony, ludicrously overdressed in his Armani tuxedo at a primary school fundraising event.

Anthony grinned, kissing her cheek, "Don't worry, you're not getting rid of me that easily."

Kate scoffed, though jealousy had been flickering in her chest all evening, insecurity just a little, "I would give you away for free at this point."

"Anthony bugger off, I need Kate." Edwina said, nudging him out of the way with her hip, a glass of cheap champagne in her hand, Anthony shrugged kissing Kate's forehead again as he skulked off to meet Mary at the side of the stage.

"Do you know who that is?" Edwina jerked her head at a man on the other side of the room, his hair tied back in a neat bun, his glasses a little lopsided, a sweater vest on. "I saw you talking to him earlier."

"He's the reception teacher one of them, Matthew." Mary had introduced them earlier in the night, and Kate had been a little taken aback by the kindness radiating from him. "He's actually a super nice guy, his family's from Egypt and-"

"Okay, you have to go and tell him to bid on me." Edwina said quickly as nary's voice crackled over the microphone.

Kate startled "What? Really?"

"Yes. Yes, fucking Go!" Edwina pushes her backwards until she's practically sitting at Matthew's feet.

"Hey, Matthew?" Kate sighs awkwardly Edwina gesturing at him from the side of the stage

"Kate right? Mary's daughter." His smile's so kind she can hardly take it, genuinely interested.

"That's right." Kate smiles, unsure really what to- "My sister, Edwina-" She gestured to her sister, now pretending not to be paying attention, Anthony eyes darting around the scene.

Matthew startles, his eyes wide "That's Edwina Sharma from the TV! I loved her documentary on working conditions in the factories of major corporations it was absolutely-"

"She wants you to... put a bid in for her."

Matthew's mouth dropped open, "Me? Are you sure she didn't mean-?"

How much more humiliation could someone take in one night? "She definitely meant you, just... think about it okay?"

Kate slipped into her seat, just as Mary said

"City's own Anthony Bridgerton."

The room erupted in applause as Anthony bounded onto the stage looking alarmingly handsome as he took the microphone from Mary, kissing her cheek.

"Evening! Mrs Sharma, who I know from her lovely daughter Kate, our team doctor, asked for my help tonight and How could I say no?" The crowd cheered. "Now we have a library to build so ladies and gentlemen of course, this is for you too, dig deep please."

And it should have been fine, it shouldn;t have made her burn with jealousy as people started throwing hundred of pounds at him, thousands Kate realised with a start as she looked towards Mrs Johnson who'd taught her in year 3. But something possessive was welling in her chest something awful and before she knew it, she was yelling,

"Five thousand!"

The entire room went quiet, Anthony's eyes widening in surprise, Edwina shaking her head in silent laughter as the silence overwhelmed them before Mary cleared her throat,

"Well, it seems Kate's feeling very generous tonight ladies and gentlemen and with that we've met our fundraising target. Going once... twice... we have a winner!"

And as Kate shuffled onto the stage, Anthony's smug smile was really more than she could take.

It was even worse when she was asked to cut the ribbon on the Kate Sharma Reading Room two months later.

[trihardent]

SO OBSESSED with how if we define honour as A) a willingness to go into battle, B) being honest and C) keeping to your word/ obligations that it perfectly maps onto The Red Army, who have honour, and their enemies, who don't.

FURTHER MORE

IF WE VIEW THE ENTIRE TEXT THROUGH THE LENS OF HONOUR VS DISHONOUR, IMPULSES BETRAYAL IS MORE CLEARLY FORESHADOWED, THE REASON WHY THE RED ARMY MADE SO MANY ENEMIES IS THEMATICALLY EXPLAINED, AND IT EVEN ADDS ANOTHER ELEMENT OF GREATNESS TO THE RENCHANTING DUOS CHARACTER GROWTH.

OK. First off. Renchanting Duo. Because its super quickneasy to explain, & I'm trying rlly hard to keep interest for as long as possible b4 ppls eyes glaze over at the wall of text.

Ren and Martyn's character arcs are to respectively, A) learn to be willing to stick up for your self, & B) learning to dedicate yourself* to others. So, they both become more honourable. And, as A DIRECT RESULT of BECOMING MORE HONOURABLE, REN MAKES SCAR HIS ENEMY. LEADING TO THE RED ARMY, THE ORGANIZATION REPRESENTING HONOUR, FORMING.

SO, WE LITERALLY SEE THEIR CHARACTER GROWTH CREATE THE SERVERS BIGGEST FACTION, WHICH IS BASED ON THE VALUES THEY HELPED EACH OTHER LEARN.

*screams*

*Dedicating oneself to others is not necessarily an inherent gain of honour like Ren's Arc is, but the looking at Martyn's behaviour we see how dedicating himself to Renchanting stopped him from really falling into dishonourable behaviour [see: his early penchant for heists]

OK. Second. Impulse's betrayal. There are a lot of moments where Impulse is shown to be less honourable than the others, him saying he'd give his life for Ren and then backing away the moment an actual arrow is shot, all the half truthing and dodging blame and sucking up to everyone.

As the thesis states, Red Army = Honour. If you're honourable, youre in, if youre dishonourable, youre out. So if you're skirting the line of dishonour, yet claiming to be honourable.......... You're foreshadowing :)

But. MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE MOMENT. What could be called the actual betrayal, Impulse leading the Red Army away from Dogwarts so the Crastle can trap it.

OK LIKE. Impulse has already been shown to be semi-dishonourable, and because the Red Army stand for honour, thats already foreshadowing that he's a traitor when he joins up. But. BUT. THE WAY HE BETRAYS THEM is one of THE MOST DISHONOURABLE THINGS HE COULD DO. LET'S TALLY UP MY MOST RECENT INVENTION, THE HONOUR POINTS SHALL WE?

He makes a secret (-1) plan with the Crastle folks to betray the Red Army (-1) so he can prove his loyalty to them (+1). Impulse is to lure them away(-1) so Tango can set a trap(-1). When he gets there, he convinces the Red Army INSTEAD of going into battle (-2) that THEY SHOULD START LYING (-2) and SPREADING FAKE NEWS (-2) across the server. Before having an absolute spy moment where he gives the secret go signal (-1) for the Crastle to, need I remind you, do something very dishonourable. Which! He manages to lie (-1) about after so he can get his stuff!!!!!!!!

-11 honour points!

So. His first explicit mission to betray the Red Army has him not only flagrantly breaking every ideal they stand for at least twice over, but ALSO CORRUPTING the Red Army into going against their own principles.

cool.

Finally. Their Enemies. Strategically, making so many enemies was pretty failcringe. THEMATICALLY though, THEMATICALLY. Good stuff. basically just a list of all the ways you could consider their enemies dishounarble by the criteria I laid out in the beginning. I've officially talked about all the Very important stuff so formatting is minimal from here on out.

Desert Duo: Scar's literal defining trait throughout the series was being seen as untrustworthy and exactly 0 people believing he was gonna follow through on any deal he made ever. Also, cue @/red-rose-gown's post about most of Scar's kills being while his enemies were facing away and the one that wasn't was because he was backing away. Scar basically never took an honest fight with anyone until the final duel w/ Grian, it was all running away and traps and hiding and distractions for him. Speaking of Grian, the trap king himself. Need I say anymore? Probably, but this has been sitting in my drafts for a month now.

Flower Husbands: Scott "Well He Doesn't Know I'm a Liar Yet" Smajor who just wanted to retire, and not go into battle. Not an honour move bro. Shout outs to the Daisy fiasco*, dishonour on you, dishonour on your husband, dishonour on your cow. Obviously Mr. "I don't wanna kill anyone" Gaming, who was planning on hiding the entire rest of the game also does not count as honourable.

ALSO the thing that made them official enemies was not wanting to go into possible danger ala Jimmy being freaked out over the idea of a sacrifice.

Crastle: A)Their whole thing was combat avoidance by hiding in the castle. 2.1) Bdubs hiding from the red army after they killed Cleo and Tango, 2.2) Bdubs disavowing Cleo after she was permakilled in front of him because he was scared of the red army, C.a) llama thievery C.b) roof burnage, no matter its target, is lowkey dishonourable, 4) the helmet stunt was literally a way for Bdubs to kill Etho without having to actually fight him.

Joel: See, the Daisy fiasco, the wall burning, the missile launch, the betrayal of the Red Army, I feel like this ones pretty self explanatory.

Tango: Double agentry, and The lava game was a way to murder people without combat, so dishonour. dishonourrrr. that not a real word to me rn thanks for reading this entire thing <3

[savageandwise]

Is there any WIP about stop the clocks? I'm dying to read the last chapter, that story is wonderful. It would make a beautiful Christmas present😍

Thank you! I do want to work on it soon but I won't make it by Christmas. Here's a snippet though! Hopefully next year!

He was drenched in sweat when he woke up on the mattress in the living room in Burnage. He looked up at the clock on the wall. The hands were speeding backwards and forwards. Noel sat down on the edge of the mattress and looked down at him. His face was so near Liam could smell the cigarettes and chewing gum on his breath. 

"Who've you been snogging, then?" Noel asked with a grin. "Isn't that where you pick up Glandular fever? Kissing all them slags."

Liam struggled to sit up. The blanket was impossibly heavy as though it were made of lead. His head was spinning. Noel was here after all sitting on his mattress, paying attention to him. 

"You know…" Liam said, shrugging awkwardly. It hurt to speak. 

"Yeah," Noel said, his face flushed with amusement. "I know."

"Yeah," Liam repeated.

Noel reached over and put a hand on his forehead. "Not faking it are you?" 

Liam shook his head, slid back down against the pillows, exhausted. He kept his eyes on Noel afraid if he shut them he might vanish again. He was too sick to organise his fleeting thoughts. He only knew he needed Noel to stay.

"Tell me…" Liam began.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me about being on tour."

Noel let out a soft sigh and then launched into a series of silly stories about life on tour. A few minutes later he really started to get into it. He loved telling a good story, they all did. Liam could tell he was blatantly exaggerating, trying to get him to laugh. No way he set the drum kit up upside down and it took Craig a whole song to notice. It hurt too much to laugh but he managed a smile. After a while he lay back and allowed Noel's voice to wash over him. Listened to the musical cadence of his words.

[stopeatingwhales]

“you don’t talk much do you?” x noel gallagher

i decided to write a story about noel because he seemingly gets NO LOVE and its big sad like c’mon guys :,( but i’m actaully really proud of this one so i hope you guys love it just as much as i do!

Paring: pre-oasis noel x reader

Warnings: SOFTNESS

Word count: 1.450 

༉‧₊˚✧

Sitting on the tour bus, my eyes were caught in the sight of the plain grasslands as we headed towards our next destination. The skies were blue, decorated with small whiffs of cloud, accompanied by the strong rays of the sunlight. It was mid-august so the murky British weather was long gone from now, and having spent winter living in buses and touring the last few months, the weather change was much needed for all of us. Like everyone else, I adored summer. It had longer days, had beautiful, astonishing late sunsets, and most importantly, resulted in more memorable moments, like staying up until 5 in the morning just to gaze at star constellations whilst everyone was silently engulfed in their dreamlands. 

I was one of few people touring with Inspiral Carpets, a band that were only starting to get big in the UK. The experience I had so far was one that I’d never forget; road trips were always something that brought the most joy to me. Everyday was a new experience, whether it be a new drink, new cigarette brand because ‘the local shop doesn’t sell Marlboros’, or a new stage, in a bar filled with drunken teenagers, searching for an adventure with the first person they lay their eyes upon. Staying reclused in your bedroom practicing guitar by yourself everyday may seem productive - but when you’re never out with your friends like a normal 19-year-old, things start to get lonely. Having this change, this new lifestyle, helped me get out of my confinement. Simply stepping off the tour bus every morning, smelling the scent of heavy gasoline at a pit stop, or the poignant taste of manure because the bus had broken down on a road beside a horse shed. Fucking brilliant.

Although I had been on the road for a few months, I never managed to become close with anyone; I kept myself silent a lot of the time - a habit I seemingly was unable to depart from. The only times I had managed to converse with the others were when we were either setting up the amps for the band, just before they went on stage to perform, or when we had gotten off the coach in our drunken drowsy states. There were two other guys assisting along with me, one catching my eye in an instant. His name was Noel, and he was around my age, just a couple months older. He was a short but lanky, and had this adorable mancunian accent. Yes, we were all from Manchester ourselves and had similar accents, but his Burnage cadence was among one of the most relaxing things I had ever heard. The ways he laced his words together, the way they effortlessly escaped his mouth and danced into the room, captivated me in ways I will never be able to understand.

He always kept his hair in a messy bowl cut, and even if his head had been battered against the glass window for 3 hours, it always looked perfect. I imagined my hands running against his dark locks gently, his head obeying to my impulses, slowly leaning into my palm. I could never take my eyes off of his hair, the way it was able to sustain the glow that was reflected onto it by the sun, painting the colour of it into a slightly lighter brown than it previously was, or the way it curled marginally at the tips, fascinated me. I had grown a sort of adoration for that man - even when I had barely communicated with him. 

Occasionally he’d come up to me to play a riff he’d been working on for a while, wanting an opinion from multiple people, in a hunt to find new ways to improve. He constantly tried to talk to me, sometimes sitting next to me for a short while on the long coach trips because his friend had fallen asleep. Sometimes I thought he only did it because he felt bad for me; I never had anyone to speak to, since I was the only girl out of what seemed like a sea of boys. As the little things like him complimenting me over the photos I had taken of the scenery or his daily check up’s on me with his loveable ‘you alright?’ kept happening, my fondness for him grew instantaneously.  

Averting my gaze from the window, I shifted my head, in search of him. Trailing my eyes around the congested vehicle, I landed my gaze upon him. He was on the same row as me, on the opposite side. He had a small book in hand, his head leaning back into his seat, his head buried into the cushion. I quietly admired him, not wanting to disturb his silent reading. His entire top lip was hidden; his teeth evidently grabbing hold of it. I wish I could say something to him, show that I’m not mute, that I can actually talk. However I don’t ever see that happening; looking as gorgeous as he seemingly always was, the only thing that I’d be able to initiate is my stuttering. 

Without my realisation, the camera that was semi-gripped in my hands was slipping; my mind was so crowded with thoughts and ideas about him. Abruptly, I heard a loud bang on the floor beneath my feet, snapping me out of my stunned trance. Noel fixed his eyes onto me - trying to figure out what happened - in which our eyes met. I hadn’t realised what had fallen down was my camera, I assumed it was either my water bottle or something in my bag. Once our eyes connected, I immediately looked away, feeling the rush of blood run to my cheeks. He kept his gaze on me, smiling slightly at his realisation that I was staring at him. 

“Ugh, shit,” I groaned, looking down to see my camera’s lens had broken off, the glass shattered. Picking it up, I slumped my shoulders together, mentally face palming at my clumsy self. How could I let myself get so enamoured over a guy that I broke my only camera lens? 

“What happened?” said a familiar voice, it was Noel’s. I turned my head to see him putting his book down, making his way over to the spare seat next to me. 

I gulped slightly, our eyes meeting once again. He beamed at me softly, in which I replied back, shifting my eyes to the destroyed lens. “W-Well, I didn’t realise it was slipping out of my hand and then it just fell,” I answered, sighing defeatedly. “It’s a shame cause, my mum got me this camera, and I promised I wouldn’t break it, it costs a ton as well,” 

“Shit,” he replied, my gaze looking back at him again, this time he was looking down at the lens. “You haven’t broken the actual camera though, have you?” he asked, picking up the photography equipment, moving it around to check for any dents. 

I watched him as he intensely stared at it, moving his fingers around in case there were any hidden scratches, playing with the modes to see if it was still working. I caught myself admiring him again, seeing his full attention focused on the small piece of equipment, his eyebrows furrowed in concern; my heart warmed. 

“You’re staring again,” he said, handing me the camera. Shocked, I grabbed hold of the camera, fiddling with the buttons, staring down at my lap. He smiled, watching my flusteredness. “You don’t talk much do you?”

I sighed, our bodies jolting over a speed bump. I didn’t know what to answer, but not answering at all definitely gave the wrong impression. I felt the burn of his eyes gloom onto me, my stomach twisting and turning, the nerves kicking in. 

“You’re really pretty, you know,” he added, causing me to lock eyes with him, as I was left speechless. Did he really just say that? “Would you mind if I maybe get you a drink? You know, later, at the bar,” 

I took a moment to let all his words sink in, before biting my lip and nodding in response. I fiddled with the broken lens in my hands, as I felt Noel’s lips on my cheek. I once again fixed my gaze at him, in which he had a grin plastered on his face, noticing my reddened cheeks. 

“I’ll talk to you then,” he said, getting up from the seat and going back to his previous one, next to his friend. He opened his book, winking at me before proceeding to envelop his mind in the literature. Chewing on my top lip, I stared out at the countryside, a smile painted on my face. Finally.

[pokemon-inspiration]

Ouisko Region Starters

Violing

The Fledgeling Pokemon

Grass Type

Ability: Overgrow

Violing is a small bird-like Pokemon resembling a young mourning dove. Its feathers are a light brown on its still developing wings, its back, and its head, while its belly is a light pink. What look at first to be spots among its wing feathers are in fact small brown seeds, with the only sprouts appearing as three small, triangular leaves with rounded serrations along their edges. Its head is round and its beak seemingly a bit too large for its body. Its eyes are a soft brown with white irises, and dominate its head.

Still too young to fly, Violing make their nests in the prairies and meadows of Ouisko. While their feathers are fairly developed, the seeds embedded in their wings weigh them down, and so they must travel by hopping around on the ground, relying on the soothing scent emitted by their tail leaves to calm would be predators. Their brains possess a small magnetic portion that acts as an internal compass, so they always know which way is north, an essential when navigating the hilly and forested lands around them. When the harsh winters come, they settle into warm little dens in the bases of trees, their fluffy feathers keeping out the worst of the cold.

Violing are a favorite of new trainers, who find their soft feathers and sweet smell a comfort on the various routes of Ouisko. Even seasoned hikers and explorers know to value a Violing’s abilities, as its navigational abilities can’t be beat. Young trainers will often use Violing as a pillow while camping, resting their heads on the Violing’s back, which the bird Pokemon never seem to mind. Its recommended that the trainers not sleep on the wings, however, as the seeds embedded therein are as dense as stone and used for defense, most notably through the signature move Seed Wing. Violing use this move to batter opponents with their seeds and has a chance to lower speed.

Puppuddle

The Splash Puppy Pokemon

Water Type

Ability: Torrent

Puppuddle is a small puppy-like Pokemon resembling a young American water spaniel. Its coat is dark blue and heavily curled, with the tips of each curl turning white, resembling hundreds of tiny waves crashing off of their body. Their ears are large and floppy, reaching well past their heads and showing more of a gradient from their blue coats to a white fringe. Their paws are large and webbed, tipped with small white claws. Its head is also large in comparison to its body, featuring blue eyes and a seemingly perpetual doggy smile, with a pink tongue lolling off to the side. Puppaddle’s tail is tipped with two large curls, mimicking the tail of a fish.

Puppuddle are playful, energetic Pokemon that can be frequently found splashing and paddling along the shores of many of Ouisko’s kettle lakes, as well as along Lakes Michi-Gami and Gitchi-Gami. With their finned tails and large, webbed paws, they make surprisingly good swimmers and hunters of fish Pokemon. While they are graceful in the water, they have a tendency to trip over their own oversized paws, especially if they get overly excited.

Puppaddle are a frequent first Pokemon for new trainers, and for good reason. Though they appear playful and harmless, Puppaddle form extremely close bonds with their trainers and are incredibly brave. Even if all four of their legs are shaking in fear, they will defiantly bark and snarl at any threat facing their trainer, even if it is several times a Puppaddle’s size. If push comes to shove, they will use their signature ability, Bubble Bark. When sufficiently angered, a Puppuddle’s bark can control the moisture in the air, forming extremely high pressure bubbles around a target, which then detonate with heavy force. This potentially can make the target flinch.

Burnager

The Tiny Badger Pokemon

Fire Type

Ability: Blaze

Burnager is a small, round, badger-like Pokemon. Its stocky body usually resembles a half sphere, as it carries its body low to the ground. Its triangular head, set on either side by angry looking red eyes, is further flanked by two large pinkish paws tipped by four powerful claws. Its hind legs and tail are tiny by comparison, only used to propel Burnager through its tunnels and sweep loose soil out of the way. Most of its body is covered by a rusty red fur, only broken by two stripes that streak along either side of its spine and down its head to its dark nose. It seldom shows it, but the fur on its belly is a soft cream color.

Burnager are commonly found in dens built into the drumlin hills across Ouisko, excavated using its powerful front paws. Its body constantly exudes heat, which keeps their burrows toasty warm, even through the coldest of winters. Its dense muscles and steel-hard claws allow it to burrow through the earth at incredible speeds, letting it hunt other subterranian Pokemon like Diglett or Nincada. More powerful Pokemon might attempt to make a lair out of a warm Burnager burrow, but only the smart ones bring offerings. Otherwise, invaders will face a wall of snarling, flame spitting Burnager that would make occupation nearly impossible.

Though it can be aggressive when defending itself, it is also a sociable Pokemon, often sharing its den with many members of its species. This translates into a faithful companion for beginning trainers, as once a Burnager has taken a liking to you, it will constantly try to snuggle up to you and keep you warm, as it would other Burnager in its burrows. Trainers who choose this Pokemon often refer to it lovingly as a “fuzzy campfire”, providing warmth to combat the chilly Ouisko weather. When this nature is used offensively, it results in Burnager’s signature move, Blast Burrow. Using this move, it piles up earth around it, heats it to incredible temperatures, then detonates it, sending a shower of red-hot rock onto its opponent. This causes severe damage while also boosting Burnager’s defenses.

[thisdaynews]

Taylor takes on Linardatou before Crolla's final fight

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/taylor-takes-on-linardatou-before-crollas-final-fight/

Taylor takes on Linardatou before Crolla's final fight

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21:3021:30

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You need one to watch live TV on any channel or device, and BBC programmes on iPlayer. It’s the law.

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Live Reporting

By Jonathan Jurejko

All times stated are UK

Posted at 21:0721:07

Welcome Frank!

Luke Reddy

BBC Sport at the Manchester Arena

.Copyright: .

Frank Urquiaga would have turned up knowing Manchester was against him given this is Anthony Crolla’s farewell.

The man from Barcelona has been welcomed by some truly wet weather too (not that it ever rains here) and now has the hostile arena to contend with. All in all, things must feel anything but homely.

Urquiaga has only lost once and is a respectable opponent but crucially, he’s got just one stoppage win on his record. You would therefore think Crolla can let his hands go tonight and hunt an eye-catching finish in the absence of a power puncher opposite him.

Posted at 21:0621:06

Post update

Scriptwriters over the road at Coronation Street would even find a late cancellation of Crolla’s final fight fanciful.

At least we could all get to the Rovers for last orders if the plug was pulled.

Posted at 21:0321:03

Drama already…

Luke Reddy

BBC Sport at the Manchester Arena

We’ve already had some ringside drama tonight. Word filtered down to us that Anthony Crolla’s fight was off because his opponent had some kind of medical issue.

That developed into word from well-placed people that Frank Urquiaga had a strapping on his elbow and would not remove it. He was told if he did not he could not fight, then 10 minutes later it’s a thumbs-up that the fight is on.

There you go – there’s always something happening on fight night.

Posted at 21:0221:02

Post update

Woah… that is not the only drama going down at Manchester Arena. Some big chat arriving from our man there…

Posted at 21:0121:01

Cash defends Commonwealth middleweight title

Before all that… Felix Cash and Jack Cullen have been embroiled in a heck of brawl.

Both fighters looked on the ropes at various stages but Cash is the one who comes through to win their Commonwealth middleweight bout, stopping Cullen in the eighth.

“Who da man?!” Cash shouts. Felix da housecat.

Posted at 20:5720:57

‘It’s hard not to get emotional’

Crolla v Urquiaga

Posted at 20:5320:53

Better than it looks!

Luke Reddy

BBC Sport at the Manchester Arena

.Copyright: .

Good old Manchester Arena. It may appear a tad dank from the outside and doesn’t quite have the bright lights of the T-Mobile or even the O2 but inside it packs something a bit special.

Boxing fans will tell your that for big fight atmosphere it’s hard to top. I don’t know if it’s the steep seating inside, the fact us Brits tend to love a pre-fight ale or maybe the sound just bounces off the walls well for some reason. If you’ve never been for a fight night I highly recommend it.

Posted at 20:5220:52

Million Dolla kinda night

Getty ImagesCopyright: Getty Images

Hello! One thing is for sure, Anthony Crolla won’tlook back in angerat his career. Nor will it bebetter best forgotten.Ahem.

Manchester will unite behind the Million Dolla man for one final time shortly, rounding off a packed evening at the Arena which also features a landmark women’s bout for Ireland’s Katie Taylor.

Can Crolla end his career in style in his home city? Can Taylor hold world titles at two weights?

Questions, questions. All will be answered over the next couple of hours.

Getty ImagesCopyright: Getty Images

Posted at 20:4720:47

…to the main act

Crolla v Urquiaga

Not too long afterwards, while still in his teens, Crolla himself became the focus of the crowd’s gaze, making his professional debut on a Joe Calzaghe undercard.

Against the odds, and against adversity, he progressed from the support act to the main star of the show.

He has won title fights there. He has lost title fights there. And now, after the 45th bout of his professional career, the lights will come up for the final time…

Getty ImagesCopyright: Getty Images

Posted at 20:4520:45

From watching gigs…

Now, we’re not sure if Anthony Crolla was an indie kid watching Burnage boys Oasis…

Getty ImagesCopyright: Getty Images

…or whether cheesy 90s popsters Steps was his guilty pleasure…

Getty ImagesCopyright: Getty Images

…or maybe it was neither. What we do know is that Crolla, like most young Mancs, had his first taste of the Arena going to watch his favourite musical acts…

Read More

[starssaroundmyscarssblog]

𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 (part one)

pairing: teen!noel gallagher x fem!oc

summary: noel's going nowhere, and fern's going everywhere

word count: 2.2k

warnings: mentions of drugs, smoking, swearing (possible ooc noel but i wanted to write a soft lil' teen fic 😩)

PART TWO IS HERE

it had hardly been in fern's nature to do anything other than keep her nose close to the grindstone in the run up to her a-level exams, so when noel knocked on her bedroom door one evening proudly announcing that he was done with his qualifications at the tech college it was fair to say she'd fallen silent.

the crackling of her record player and the subsequent crooning of john lennon was all that could be heard in the room, fern eventually breaking and laughing at noel as he pushed open the door further to cross the threshold of her room. "what ya laughin' for?" he questioned, taking a ball-point pen out of a pot kept on the desk and balancing it on the tip of his finger whilst he waited for an answer.

"because i assume you're joking." fern retorted, glancing at him from over her shoulder before returning to scribbling away at her flashcards. when there came no responce, and noel had fallen uncharacteristically silent, her hopes plummeted. "oh, noel, you haven't."

his sheepish smile gave him away instantly.

instantly, she had snatched the pen away. "what were you thinking?" noel had moved away from hovering near her desk and instead used two fingers to peer out of the curtains. the window in fern's room backed onto the large garden, and if you tilted your head at just the right angle the city-scape of greater manchester hoved into view. from the large suburban houses and roads worlds away from burnage, noel saw that between the pair of them only fern had a permanent ticket out.

after thinking, all he could muster up was "dunno."

"you've only been there for two weeks. you're lucky they let you onto the course - you applied three months late and you got expelled from school before you could take your exams."

"don't make me feel worse, fern." he groaned, falling backwards onto the ottoman at the foot of the bed. reluctantly, fern tore herself away from her revision and tucked it all away again so she could sit next to him. "i bet your mum went ballistic."

"yeah."

even the way she spoke was different - not once would she shorten a word for the sake of a mancunian dialect, something she tried and succeeded at after winning a scholarship for one of the grammar schools in order to 'fit in'. privately educated girls and secondary-school dropouts weren't meant to fit together on paper, yet fern and noel did. they met accidentally, whilst she was working part-time in a record shop and they'd gotten to talking.

"still, r'kid thought it was hilarious. nearly pissed 'imself laughin' i think."

they sat in silence for a few moments, until the call of fern's mum broached the peace of the room. "fernie, tea's on the table." she waited patiently at the foot of the stairs until the pair of teenagers descended the stairs into the hallway. "staying for tea, noel?" she questioned.

fern and noel acted in routine, him pulling out the plates and her extracting the cutlery from the draw before trooping into the dining room. "hiya, audrey. if tha's not a bother." it wasn't, he just asked out of courtesy because that's what his mum had taught him. more often than not, noel would stay for tea or if they'd eaten audrey was more than happy to put something into the oven for him.

they sat around the dinner table, fern's dad at the head eventually putting his newspaper away to ask her about her day. then he moved onto noel as if it was second nature to do so - the boy even had his own designated seat at the table. "alrigh', mr gibson. n'owt interesting me at the moment, so i-"

fern kicked him under the table, catching his eye in warning. mr gibson looked at him expectantly, patiently waiting for a continuation of the answer. "-decided to give it a week or two more. y'know, see how it goes."

this received a nod in approval. "good lad."

there was the sound of cutlery scrapping on china plates as the four sat around the table finishing their food, fern and noel finishing in synchronisation before getting permission to leave the table.

if he was at home, liam would have said something he thought to be comical within five minutes of sitting down to eat, and noel would have left the table in a huff to dig out a spliff from a pocket of a strewn-somewhere jacket. at fern's house he abided by the rules of matriarch audrey gibson, where correct manners were used at the table and teenagers didn't go about declaring they'd quit college and were relying on music-making to provide them a stable ground for the future.

after climbing up the stairs and re-entering her bedroom, noel beelined for her shelf full of records and mixtapes whilst fern made herself comfortable at her desk again. "hey, where'd all the singles go- fuck me. you're not revising again are ya?"

"test tomorrow. that cow jessica thinks she can get through the whole thing without an ounce of revision. i'm trying to prove her wrong."

"by constantly revisin'?"

"she doesn't have to know that." they stared at each other for a few tension-filled moments, fern daring him to question her logic with her glare. noel held his hands up in a motion of concede, turning his attention back to the records organised perfectly on the shelf. "ye' know you don't have to revise tha' much. i'm sure you could do it without."

"i don't think i should be taking academic advice from you, noel, no offence."

he sighed, tried to take offence as he lay down on the freshly washed sheets of her bed, and found he couldn't. watching her scrawling away at her revision, textbooks and wider reading strewn about around her all over the desk as she tried to absorb the written word on each individual page. fern's shoulder's hunched upwards in focus, vaguely aware of noel flicking through a book left on her bedside table before twiddling his thumbs, restless. "give 'em to me, then you loon."

"what?"

"them cards. i'll test ya, see how yer doin' an all tha'."

fern could hardly believe what she was hearing. more often than not, noel would catch the train for the hour-long journey from burnage to hale without paying for a ticket just to get a change of scenery from the council estate and liam's nagging. sometimes, he'd stand by the window and try to light a cigarette without getting any of the ash onto the windowsill. fern would chastise him, but eventually join him and the pair of them would lean against the window passing a marlboro between them.

"yeah. you'll get good grades and piss off down south for uni - you'll go everywhere and i'll hold down the fort in burnage. always meant to be that way, since ye won tha' scholarship to a school for posh twats."

"you're going everywhere too, noel. i know it. no-one writes songs as good as yours and stays in a council estate while living on the dole their whole life. something good'll come along, you wait."

noel stared at her, watched her move around the room before settling herself along the foot of the bed, laying her head on his stomach. "you're a sop."

"i thought you were helping me." fern handed noel her stack of flashcards, patiently waiting for him to read out questions about thomas cromwell's reformation and katherine howard's promiscuity, her essay about cardinal wolsey abandoned half-completed on the desk. "obviously they're purple."

the two of them sat like that for two hours, not registering that the record player had stopped spinning only twenty minutes into the constant firing of question and answer nor noticing when audrey poked her head into the door to supply them with two mugs of tea (lots of milk and one spoon of sugar for fern, black and the tea bag still steaming for noel) whilst her daughter was busy working her way through more and more questions.

steadfast darkness had fallen by the time they'd finished, fern passing over a new stack as soon an noel thought he was finished. she was rubbing at her eyes as she glanced to the clock - 10pm. "bollocks, you'd better go. your mum'll go mad if you're not back soon."

"trains won't be runnin' this time of night, love." he only ever called her that on nights where the two of them knew he'd be spending the night. "and i won't let you drive me in the dark - mam'll kill me if she knew i'd left you to drive home alone at this time of night."

"alright. i'll go and let mum know."

slowly, fern padded down the stairs leaving noel to get changed into some clothes he always kept in a draw somewhere in her room, popping her head in through the door of the living room. her mum and dad were settled together on the sofa watching the tele, the latest episode of 'emmerdale' flickering from the screen. her dad held a shallow glass of brandy in his hand, her mum a small glass of wine. "everything okay up there, fernie? you two were very quiet when i popped up to check on you both."

"yeah, everything's fine. i was revising for that test tomorrow and noel was helping me. and by the way, he's going to stay over tonight - the trains have stopped and you know what he's like with me driving in the dark." she shrugged, leaning on the door as it swung forwards to peck her dad on the balding patch at the crown of his head. "alright, lovey. don't forget to ring peggy and leave the door open. i don't want to walk in on you two-"

she cut him off immediately, "yes, thank you daddy... oh. look what the cat dragged in!" fern immedietely bounded over to the window, where her small grey cat was clawing at the glass panes. she cracked them open slightly, enough room for him to slink in, a quivering door-mouse clamped between his sharp teeth. "you little assassin." she muttered close to his ear, holding the rodent in the palm of her hand and opening the front door to settle him under a bush on the driveway before heading back inside, taking the feline from her mum waiting in the doorway. "night, mum."

as fern walked across the landing upstairs, she stopped en-route to her bedroom to grab a fresh pair of pyjamas out of the airing cupboard and darted into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. she exited the tiled room, padded the few remaining steps to her bedroom door and pushed it open by the toe of her slipper with the small grey cat still in her arms.

when she stuck her head round the door, felix wrangled against her arms and eventually set himself free from the warm confines of fern's hold, and began to paw against noel's chest from where he was lying down in the middle of the bed. absently, he lifted his fingers up to scratch the cat behind the ears. "mum says you can use the phone to call home, and dad wants us to leave the door open."

noel turned his head, "used the one on the landing, mam sort of assumed i'd be here. better than her thinkin' i'm out with me mates from down at college."

they lay on the bed in silence, noel eventually stretching his arm out to allow fern to roll into his side. "what are you going to do now you've dropped the course?"

"was wonderin' how long it would be until you asked that question."

fern looked up at him expectantly. "if you don't know it's alright. i still don't know what i want to be."

he pressed a light, awkward kiss to her head and reached into the pocket of his jacket tossed over the back of her desk chair. noel produced a packet of cigarettes and his lighter, flicking the box open to pull one out with his teeth. the lighter clicked until it produced a flame, and he pointed it towards the end of the cigarette - took a long drag before settling further back onto the pillows on the bed. "it don't matter if you don't know what you wanna be. you can go to uni and get a degree then work for some posh toff at a publishing house in london or edinburgh."

"what will you do?"

"i don't know. probably end up the same as every other burnage kid. on the dole, a dad at twenty and a drinking problem." at fern's wide, shocked stare, he smiled at the corners of his lips. "only joking. r'kid will have definitely knocked up some bird by that age, though. i'll probably try and get some gigs roadying if i can. just to keep me busy n'all that."

"you should be playing those guitars instead of warming them up for someone else if what you've let me hear is anything to judge by. playing and writing. but for the meantime, stay out of trouble and wait for me after school every once in a while?"

he truly smiled then, in the dark and towards the ceiling so she couldn't see. out of the corner of his eye, noel could see that fern had shut the door upon her return. his fingers tapped out the cigarette in to a burnt out candle against which he crushed the stub with his fingertips. then he titled his head enough to press gentle kisses that held more confidence against her jawline and down the delicate column of her neck. between ministrations he spoke, "if i do that, the lads'll think i've gone soft for my posh bird."

"and have you?"

"maybe."

🪩⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊🎸

[stardust2003]

Madferit: The Novel - Chapter 5

                   The boys had so many gigs that the month of November was pretty well booked up. They had a day, at most, between gigs which was really meant for traveling between cities.             I grew comfortable around them. Liam was obviously a given. Bonehead felt like an older brother. A drunken, crazy, frat boy older brother. Guigsy was a shy stoner that got a bit too starey – but I think that was mostly due to the pot. And Tony had a cute smile and was really sweet even though Noel constantly treated him like shit.             Noel was the only one I had trouble with...if you could even call it that. We kept our distance. Didn't say much to each other. I didn't know why he didn't like me. I wasn't there to cause trouble.             Germany, France, and Sweden were all beautiful countries. I loved the sites, the food, even the languages although I couldn't understand them. I knew a bit of French but not enough to converse very well with.             The tour itself was fucking insane. There were so many fans, so many drugs. I didn't participate in the drug taking. That just wasn't for me. I didn't smoke and I barely drank either. This gave Noel room to "take the piss".             "Oi, shut the fuck up, man!" Liam barked at him when he got on a roll. "If she don't wanna fuckin' do it, she don't fuckin' have to!"             I was honestly surprised Liam would look out for me. As much as I didn't want them to, Noel's little digs on the first night I was in France made me think. Would Liam get bored with me and find someone else? There were always girls. Tons of girls at every show getting their tits and God only knows what else out for him. They did that stuff for the others too but Liam was gorgeous.             And he wasn't mine.             We were just friends. Fuck buddies. We screwed and shared a bed but I couldn't help wondering if it was just a bit more than that. He always insisted I sit with him on the bus. He held my hand when we were out walking around. And even if he did get off with other girls, I was the only one who got to go back with him to the hotel room.             And I was also the only one who went home with him for Christmas.             The tour made me miss Thanksgiving. My parents were upset but I was an adult and I had to live my own life. Plus I knew, contrary to a certain song's lyrical content, my time with the band wasn't going to live forever.             The band ended up back in England at the end of November and would stay there until the new year. I saw Wales and Scotland before ending up in Manchester for a bit of a holiday break.             The boys' single, "Whatever" was released just before Christmas. They did a gig in Manchester before getting a much needed holiday break that would last a little over a week.             "You'll stay at mine for Christmas won't you?" Liam asked at the party following the gig. "Well, me mam's really."             "I appreciate your offer but I don't want to impose." I replied. "Thanks though."             "Aw, c'mon Tix! I've already told Mam loads about ya. She says you have to come. Plus I told her you can't go home and-"             "So you lied to her?"             "Nah." He shook his head. "Ya really can't go home. You're stuck with me, remember?"             I grinned a little at the memory.             "And you're havin' Christmas at mine. End of."             Liam and Noel had technically both moved out – living in and out of different hotels mostly since getting their big break. But now they were back home at their mother's insistence. Noel wanted a hotel room and begged Marcus to book him one but Marcus wouldn't do it.             "We don't even do much at Christmas." He muttered as the bus was near its destination. "So why the fuck are we startin' now?"             "'Cuz we've got a guest." Liam told him as he put his arm around my shoulder. "Tixie's joinin' us."             "Oh no!" Noel shook his head.             "The fuck d'ya mean, no? Mam said she could. She's fuckin' comin'!"             "Yeah we fuckin' know that!" Guigsy piped up with a giggle.             "Fuck off, Guigs!" Noel yelled as he threw a pillow off the couch at him. "You're not a part of this argument so stay the fuck out of it!"             "Look, if you don't want me to come, I'll go home." I said. "I'll call my parents and get the first flight out. I don't wanna ruin your Christmas."             "You'll ruin my Christmas by not fuckin' bein' there." Liam told me. "Don't pay any attention to him." He nodded at Noel. "He's just jealous 'cuz he don't gotta bird to bring home to our mam. All this runnin' about to different countries and that and he can't even find one that'll let 'im get his leg over!" He laughed.             "Fuck off!" Noel screamed as he threw another pillow at Liam this time.             "No! You fuck off, mate!" Liam barked as he threw the pillow back.             A car picked us up after the bus dropped us off and took us to Burnage. We pulled up to the house. It was plain on the outside. No plants or anything but I suppose it really wasn't the time of year for outdoor plants.             Liam led the three of us to the front door, taking my hand as we walked along. We stood quietly in the entryway.             "Shh!" Liam said as he held his index finger up to his lips.             Noel rolled his eyes. "Why the fuck do we always have to-"             "Shut the fuck up!" Liam cut him off.             Just then, we heard stirring upstairs.             "Why-"             "Shut the fuck up, man!"             "Is that you Liam?" A woman's voice called from upstairs.             "And me!" Noel yelled back. "Jesus Christ! Did ya forget you've got more than one son or summat?"             Footsteps came softly down the steps until they reached the first floor and the woman finally revealed herself. She had a gentle smile and even gentler looking eyes.             "I'm so glad you're here!" She exclaimed as she held her arms out and walked towards her sons.             "Hi Mam!" The boys said in unison.             They all hugged and even Noel looked like he couldn't resist having his mother wrap her arms around him.             "You must be Addie." She said to me after they broke away from their hug.             "I am." I told her. "You must be Ms. Gallagher."             "Call me Peggy, dear."             Her Irish accent was a nice change from the Manc one I'd been used to from following the band around. Not that I didn't like it though. Next to the Beatles' Liverpudlian one, it was one of the sexiest I'd ever heard.             "Our Paul is due in for tea." Peggy informed us as she went into the kitchen.             "What we havin'?" Liam asked.             "Roast chicken."             "What?! I fuckin' hate chicken!"             "I know but our Noel doesn't." She replied.             Liam shook his head.             "Who's the fuckin' favorite now?" Noel asked before sticking his tongue out at his brother and heading to the kitchen to find his mom.             "Fuckin' cunt!" Liam muttered as he watched him walk away.             Regardless of what Liam thought, the chicken was really good. Dessert was even better. Irish Apple Cake. Peggy must've felt the need to go all out for her boys.             It was obvious all three of them were mama's boys but Liam was probably the biggest. He didn't argue with Marcus like Noel did about getting a hotel room and was quite content with staying at his mom's.             I finally met Paul who I'd heard bits and pieces about. He was probably the sweetest of the three. He seemed shy but very polite. He had similar features and mannerisms to Noel's which made sense – there was only a little over a year's difference in age between them.             After dinner, we all hung out in the living room listening to Liam and Noel recount their many adventures on the tour. Noel made sure to mention that Liam was nearly late for their first gig after the US leg of the tour, thanks to me. And of course, Liam told him to fuck off and it was up to their Paul to break it up.             "They never used to fight like that." Paul told me as I joined him outside while he had a cigarette later. "Don't know what's changed them."             "Fame." I suggested. "Fortune."             "A bird." He said as he raised his eyebrows at me.             I shook my head. "I don't think so."             "Well I do. Our Noel can be quite the jealous cunt. Especially since our Liam finds it so much easier than him to pick up chicks."             I found that a little hard to believe. The girls at the gigs came after Noel just as much as they came after Liam. I tried not to pay attention but I know he didn't return to his hotel room alone every night. Apparently, he'd just gotten through a break up. He and the girl fought like cats and dogs but he loved her. A couple of the songs on Definitely Maybe were written for her.             "He said he'll never get over it." Paul said. "But don't tell him I told you that."             "Don't worry." I assured him. "I won't."             He and Noel went out to visit some friends that night but Liam didn't want to go.             "They're not my friends." He said as we sat on his bed. "Plus, I'd rather just spend time with you."             "You spent time with me on the tour." I reminded him.             "Yeah but not alone. Someone was either in the hotel room or on the bus with us. And once they get back, Noel'll come bargin' in on us and fuckin' ruin our privacy."             I smiled. "Well we better take advantage of the time we've got then."             He smiled back showing his perfect white teeth a bit.             I giggled a little then pushed him back to lie down on the bed.             The room was so quiet and dark. Liam was sound asleep. I was about half until I heard the door open and someone's footsteps making their way across the room.             The owner of the footsteps coughed, revealing themself to be Noel. His bed creaked as he sat down on it and then he turned on his bedside lamp.             "Turn that fuckin' lamp off!" Liam groaned without rolling over or opening his eyes.             Noel put his tongue in his bottom lip and pushed it out at him while flashing him the backwards peace sign as well.             "What're you lookin' at?" Noel asked me his blue eyes looking a bit glazed but no less piercing.             "Nowt." I replied, trying to utilize some of the new slang I'd picked up in the last couple months.             He rolled his eyes and then pulled a notebook out from his nightstand.             "What's that?" I asked.             "Song lyrics." He said flatly.             I sat up. "Can I see them?"             "Absolutely fuckin' not!"             I got up and walked over to his bed and crawled over his legs to sit beside him.             "No!" He said as he shook his head. "No! Fuck off back to your own side of the room."             "Make me." I challenged.             He sighed and then looked at a page in his notebook.             "Let me see." I said.             "No!" He replied as he held it away from me.             "C'mon! It's not like I'm gonna steal them or something!"             "I don't know what the fuck you'll do and I'm not takin' any fuckin' chances! Fuck off back to Our Kid's bed or I'll fuckin' put ya there me self!"             "You seem like you're all talk and no action." I pointed out with a grin. "You say a lotta shit but you never act on it. Not so much of a hard ass, are you?"             "Addie, I mean it!" He said trying to hold back from exploding. "You're well on your way to-"             "What? A leathering? I'm not scared of you Noel." I leaned in and said the next part right into his ear. "So give me your fucking worst."             "That's it!" He exclaimed as he jumped out of the bed. "Get the fuck outta my bed and go over to where you fuckin' belong! Now!"             "Make me."             He went to say something while raising his left hand up to point but I grabbed it before he could. He just stared at me dumbfounded.             "Wow." I mused as I looked at his straight arm. I ran my hand up and down it. "You seem pretty tense."             "Get stuffed!" He barked.             I looked up at him and then yanked his arm making him lose his balance and sit back down on the bed.             He struggled to get me to let him go but stopped when I put my hand on the back of his neck.             "You are tense." I said as I stroked the back of his neck.             "No I'm not." He argued as I made my way down to his shoulders. "No I'm-" He cut himself off with a moan as he stiffened himself while I pressed down hard on the space between his shoulder blades. "Jesus Christ!"             "It's no wonder you're so cranky all the time. Your muscles are so tight-"             "Just shut the fuck up!" He ordered. "And move down."             I did as instructed, working on the middle of his back. I smiled as I watched his face. His eyes were closed and he scrunched them a bit while he moaned quietly.             "Who taught you how to do this?" He asked. "Did ya go to school for it or summat?"             "Nope." I replied. "Just kinda do it however the person seems to like it."             "Well I fuckin' like this."             I smiled as I pushed into his back a little more causing him to moan a bit louder.             "Fuck it!" He said. "I've gotta have me shirt off for this. I can't fuckin' take it anymore!"             "Okay."             He quickly pulled his t-shirt off and tossed it on the floor beside the bed. Then he lay down on his stomach and rested his head on his pillows. "Use both your hands this time." He said.             I obliged and started back at his shoulders and worked my way down. Noel alternated between sighs and moans with every stroke and rub.             His face looked so relaxed – way more than it ever had while on tour. Eventually though, he twisted his face in discomfort and rolled over on his back.             "What's the matter?" I asked confused.             He looked at me silently before glancing down.             I turned to see what he was looking at. "Oh my God!" I exclaimed with a chuckle.             "Fuck off!" He said as he quickly turned the light off.             "Oh come on! I wanna see it! I wanna know if it's bigger than Liam's."             "Of course it's fuckin' bigger than Liam's! There's no contest there."             "Right." I sarcastically agreed. "So were you expecting a happy ending with this massage? If so, it's gonna cost you extra."             "Piss off!" He said as he pulled the blankets up to cover his chest.             I lay down beside him and did the same. "But since I'm so nice, I suppose I can give you one for free this time."             "Fuck off!" He said as he rolled over onto his right side to face away from me.             "Don't say I didn't offer." I told him before turning my head to the left and closing my eyes.             I awoke to the sounds of shuffling I don't know how much later. It was dark so I knew it was still the middle of the night. Then I heard quiet moaning.             I turned my head over and looked down towards the middle of the bed. Something was moving really fast back and forth under the blankets. It was like a bump or something. Up and down. Back and forth.             I adjusted my eyes and looked to my right. I could make out a bit of Noel's face from the streetlight outside. His eyes were closed and his mouth was open. Open enough to let out those moans.             He choked a little as the movement of the bump got faster.             "Want some help?" I whispered.             "Jesus fuckin' Christ!" He gasped as the movement stopped and the bump disappeared.             "I'm pretty good at that I reckon." I said. "Liam seems to think so."             "Fuck off!" He barked.             "Do you still have your boxers on? I hope you don't. They might get messy if you do."             "Stop!"             "Nah, I'd rather not."             I reached under the blankets and down towards his feet.             "What ya doin'?" He asked as he jerked a bit. "What're ya-"             "Here they are!" I exclaimed as I brought his boxers out from under the blankets. "Off your ankles and completely cum-free."             "Give 'em back!" He commanded as he reached for them.             I held them out of his reach while I sat up.             "Addie! Give me my fuckin'-"             He stopped himself as I got out of bed. He tried to grab me before I could but I was too quick for him.             "Give me my fuckin' pants!" He cried as I walked across the room.             I just ignored him and crawled back in bed with Liam who was still fast asleep.             "Fuck's sake!" Noel said as he got out of bed and came over to Liam's side of the room. "Give me my boxers. Now!"             Just then, Liam woke up.             "What the fuck's goin' on?" He asked groggily. "Why the fuck-" He cut himself off as he looked at his brother. "Why the fuck are ya naked?! What're you tryin' to do? D'ya think you're gonna have it off with my bird or summat?"             "No." Noel replied shaking his head. "She-"             "Don't want nothin' to do with you. Fuckin' pervert! Go fuck off back to your own side of the room and leave us the fuck alone! Mitherin' us durin' our fuckin' good kip. Piss off!"             Noel sighed and then turned around and went back to bed.             It didn't take long for Liam to fall back asleep. When I was sure he was, I got back out of bed and went to Noel's side of the room.             Noel was wide awake. I could see his open and pissed off eyes from the outside light.             I grinned a little and tossed his boxers at his face.             "What the fuck?!" He exclaimed as he quickly pulled them off his face.             "What?" I asked as I crawled back in bed beside him. "I'm just giving them back."             "Oh hell no! You're not stayin' in my bed no more! Go back over there with your boyfriend." He pointed across the room.             "Liam is not my boyfriend."             "Like I give a fuck. Get the fuck outta my bed and leave me the fuck alone!"             "Make me!" I said as I stared at him.             He shook his head and clenched his fists in frustration but didn't respond.             I lay down and got comfortable.             "Bitch!" He said before laying down beside me.             "Asshole!" I replied.             "Skank!"             "Twat!"             He chuckled sarcastically before turning his head away from me.             I smiled to myself and then drifted off to sleep.             I woke up as the sun began to rise outside. The sky was a mix of pink and gray. I looked at my surroundings and realized I was on the wall side of the bed when I should've been on the outer side. "Shit!" I exclaimed to myself.             I fell asleep in Noel's bed instead of returning to Liam's.             I went to get up but realized something was pressing down on my stomach, keeping me from doing so. I looked at it properly and found it was Noel's right arm.             He lay there on his stomach sound asleep. His face was turned towards me now and it looked so peaceful. His big eyebrows looked perfect and relaxed.             His right hand gently gripped my wrist. I took a hold of it and attempted to move it.             "No!" He said without opening his eyes as he gripped my wrist a little tighter. "It's not time yet! Just a few minutes more. Alright, Louise?"             I looked at him and smiled a bit at how sweet his voice sounded. "I'm not Louise." I said.             He opened his eyes and blinked a couple times. Then he slowly moved his hand. "Go back over there with Our Kid." He said as he pointed. "Now!"             "Okay." I replied quietly before getting up and making my way to Liam's bed.             I crawled back in beside Liam and nuzzled up to him. He opened his eyes for a split second before kissing me. He put his arms around me and cuddled up as close as he could.             He breathed out which was a sign he'd fallen back to sleep.             I looked over at Noel who had his back to me as he faced the wall. He coughed and then adjusted himself on his side as he pulled his blankets up more over his shoulders.             I started thinking all kinds of stuff. Was what happened the night before all just a big game?             Or was it actually something completely different?

[funface2]

50 of Liam Gallagher's funniest quotes and insults as Oasis frontman returns with new album Why Me? Why Not – iNews

DistractionsJokes

“If I wasn’t a musician I don’t know. I’d be God, maybe? That would be a good job.”

Monday, 23rd September 2019, 13:49 pm

Updated Monday, 23rd September 2019, 15:05 pm

Much like the bitter rivals of his beloved Manchester City, Liam Gallagher is hated and adored, but never ignored.

The former Oasis and Beady Eye frontman has never held back on publicly slating fellow musicians, footballers, politicians and, of course, his brother.

Here’s the world according to Liam Gallagher:

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*Warning: this list unsurprisingly contains liberal use of the f-word and adult humour*

On Glastonbury

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“I f***ing hate Glastonbury, mate. I’m only here for the money.”

On Gary Neville

“If the world was full of fucking Gary Nevilles, it would be bobbins. He looks like an estate agent.”

On Mumford and Sons

”Everyone looks like they’ve got fucking nits and eat lentil soup with their sleeves rolled up!”

“I’m sure they’re all nice lads but that’s not for me. They look like f***ing Amish people. I need music to be a bit more sexy and played by people who look a bit f***ing dangerous.”

On George Harrison and Keith Richards

“They’re jealous and senile and not getting enough fucking meat pies.”

On Chris Martin

“I don’t hate Chris Martin. I don’t know him, know what I mean? I just thinks he’s a bit giddy. He ought to calm down, he isn’t gonna save the world.”

“Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher. What’s all that with writing messages about Free Trade? If he wants to write things down I’ll give him a pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students.”

On Muse

“Muse f***ing scare me. They’re like f***ing creepy s**t. But people like ’em. They at least play guitars, but when I hear his voice I’m like, Ah, f**k him.”

On Bloc Party

“I really despise this new fucking disease of indie f***ing s**t, f***ing student music, the likes of Bloc Party and all that f***ing nonsense. They don’t keep me awake at night, but it’s just s***e, and they can f***ing have it mate.”

On Wayne Rooney

“He looks like a f***ing balloon with a f***ing Weetabix crushed on top. He’s better off as a skinhead, isn’t he?”

On A$AP Rocky

“My kids also like that bloke, WhatsApp Ricky. You know, the American geezer, stylish, funny, gold teeth. [asked if he means A$AP Rocky] Oh yeah, that’s the fella. WhatsApp Ricky. That’s a better fucking name anyway.”

On the Beatles

“The Beatles play guitars, we play guitars. The Beatles got hair, we’ve got hair. The Beatles got arms, we’ve got arms.”

On his brother

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“I’m insulted that people think Noel Gallagher has been f***ing carrying this band for the last 18 years. People were saying, ‘Oh it’s going to be f***ing s**t.’ It’s like, are you tripping or what?”

“I like Noel outside the band. Human Noel – that’s my brother – I f***ing adore him and I’d do anything for him. But the geezer that’s in this f***ing business, he’s one of the biggest c*cks in the universe.”

“People think I’m just a f***ing lunatic, but Noel can be a little b*tch, too.”

On David Cameron

“I don’t know what Brexit is, all I know is that David Cameron wants his b***ocks electrocuting for bringing it on in the first place.”

On Mani from the Stone Roses

“I’m moving back to Manchester if City win the league. I’m going to buy a house next to Mani out of Stone Roses and be a real noisy ******* neighbour – hurl abuse at him over the fence.”

On Bono

“You see pictures of Bono running around LA with his little white legs and a bottle of Volvic and he looks like a fanny.”

On parkas

“Its not about the money, I don’t drive cars, I don’t buy Rolexes. But I’ve got enough parkas that I could whip out and still blow people’s minds.”

On alarm clocks

“I’m getting up earlier and earlier now man. I try and beat the alarm clock. The alarm goes off at six and I try to get up at 5.59 just to do its head in.”

On Americans

“Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don’t get it.”

On Blur

“Being a lad is what I’m about. I can tell you who isn’t a lad: anyone from Blur.”

On Inspiral Carpets

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“I mean, the devil’s got all the good gear. What’s God got? The Inspiral Carpets and nuns. F*** that.”

On his milkman

“He’s f***ing top, he gave me a pint of lactose-free milk for nothing the other day.”

On the sea

“F**k the sea. I ain’t going in that. F**k that, mate. That ain’t meant for us. That’s meant for the sharks, and the jellyfish, tadpoles and stuff.”

“I can’t swim. I can have a bath and that. I’m all right in a hot tub. But put me out in the ocean and I’m gone.”

On cardigans

“I have got a bit of an issue with cardigans. They’re s**t aren’t they?”

On himself

“I’m an average lad who was born in Burnage who played conkers. Conkers, mate. Conkers. The lot. And now I’m in a band and nothing’s changed.”

“Being me is the best f***ing gig in the world.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that’s nasty.”

“If I wasn’t a musician I don’t know. I’d be God, maybe? That would be a good job.”

“I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.”

“I’m me in the supermarket, the same clothes, the same haircut, the same shades on, when I’m fucking gardening or picking the kids up from school, or dropping ’em off. I’m the same, there’s no double-life, I am what I am.”

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On Radiohead

“I heard that f***ing Radiohead record and I just go, ‘What?!’ I like to think that what we do, we do f***ing well. Them writing a song about a f***ing tree? Give me a f***ing break! A thousand year old tree? Go f**k yourself!”

On climbing trees

“Climbed one the other day. I was running on the Heath and I thought, ‘that looks like a nice tree, I’m going to climb that fucking tree.’ Climbed it and sat there with my hood up for about 10 minutes.”

On Kanye West

“If I ever win any more f**king awards I’d personally invite him to get up and f**king take my award of me. I f**king tell you that… That was rude when he did that to that girl, that Taylor Swift. So yeah, give me an award and see where it goes. It will roll out of his f**king arse.”

On baldness

“If I lost my hair you would never see me on that stage again, because there’s no place for baldness in rock n roll.”

On the White Stripes

“The White Stripes? F**king rubbish. School ties? At the age of 24? F**king hell.”

On Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong

“F**k right off. I’m not having him. I just don’t like his head.”

On Russell Brand

“Noel Gallagher, Russell Brand, f***ing hell. What a pair of old housewives.”

On David Attenborough

“He’s like god isn’t he? Got a bit of a god vibe, know what I mean?”

On Love Island

“I like it man, but I don’t truly understand the bit where they’ve got to kip on the floor, outside.”

On the English football team

“A bag of s***e. My grandmother would do better, on acid with a Toblerone stuck up her a**e”

On Jesus Christ

“It’s like would Jesus Christ have been a f***ing pervert if he had a crisp packet on his head?”

On whether he’d prefer to dress like, Mick Jagger, Craig David or Ed Sheeran

“I’d rather be naked. I’d rather set fire to myself, just torch myself.”

On Marilyn Manson

“I said to Marilyn Manson: ‘Your music’s s**t, but your f**king show was mental’.”

On Pete Doherty

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“Pete Doherty needs a slap, and the sooner he gets it, the better.”

On U2

“I have never seen a U2 fan. I have never seen anyone with a U2 shirt or been around someone’s house that has a f***ing U2 record. Where do their fans f***ing come from?”

On Christmas

“The usual. I’ll be sitting there all day, getting w***ered. Probably eating loads of f***ing food an’ all. What are the kids after this year? What do you think? Loads of f***ing toys.”

On Coldplay and Radiohead

“I don’t hate them, I don’t wish they had accidents. I think their fans are boring and ugly and don’t look like they’re having a good time.”

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Bài viết 50 of Liam Gallagher's funniest quotes and insults as Oasis frontman returns with new album Why Me? Why Not – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/50-of-liam-gallaghers-funniest-quotes-and-insults-as-oasis-frontman-returns-with-new-album-why-me-why-not-inews/

[cushdj-blog]

Blackpool parkrun, 36

21st October 2017

Well the weather forecast was not the best this week with storm Brian due to arrive in the northwest on Saturday morning but you were all too quick for Brian and he did not catch you all. Brian did not deter the 243 people ran, jogged and walked the course, of whom 78 were first timers and 33 recorded new Personal Bests. Representatives of 29 different clubs took part. Thankfully Brian did not join us until later in the day. This did mean that Lytham parkrun was rightly cancelled by the landowner for safety reasons, luckily at Stanley Park the trees are not as tall and after checking the course first thing all was well and good to go.

This week we had 10 volunteers visiting Blackpool parkrun from around the country that joined our local volunteers to help assisting set up the course, marshalling and the roles around the finish line.

Thank you to the visiting volunteers: Jeanette Mitchell (Glossop) • Gail Jazmik (Glossop) • Andrew Chilcraft (Linford Wood) • Nadhim Bayatti (Lyme Park) • Vince Ashton (Bolton) • Calum Burrell (Burnage) • Lynsey Burrell (Burnage) • Simon Harrop (Woodbank) • Liping Harrop (Woodbank) • Jamielee Johnston (Glossop) you all did a fantastic job and it was a pleasure to meet you all.

A special thanks to our local volunteers: Sara Ward • Janet Wilkinson • Graham Jones • Andy Bray • Daisy Seville • Jamie Bowes • David Barker • Martha Brown • Suzanne Leonard • Rebecca Leonard •Ella MayLeonard •  Andrea Hammond • Sarah Noblet • Daniel Gaynor • Jamie Ward without whom Blackpool parkrun we would not be able to happen. While they are cheering you on they are also making sure that you are all safe too.

With our friends visiting this enable a number of the ‘normal’ marshal to have a week off and take part in the run this meant that husband and wife team Jane, who has been a volunteer at Blackpool parkrun 18 times, and Chris who has volunteered with us 25 times could run the course for their first official runs. As you can see Jane was very excited to have completed Blackpool parkrun.Chris was a little more subdued at completing Blackpool parkrun but just as happy on the inside I am sure  

We were also joined this week by two separate groups of runners who were completing their C25K journey. It was good to see Rashmi Sharma, Alison Rigby, Katy Ryland and Katie Seville from Blackpool Victoria Hospital C25K and the group from Poulton YMCA C25K. Well done to you all and we hope to see you all joining us again soon.

Well done to everyone that walked, jogged and walked the course this week and a special thank you to Janet Wilkinson who was this weeks tail walker making sure that you all got around the course.

This week we saw a first for Blackpool parkrun (and as far as we have currently found for parkrun UK), we had the first 4 finishers come across the line together hand in hand. Congratulations to: Andrew Draper, Paul Muller, Robert Lees and James Greenaway.

This was Paul's (2nd from left) 50th parkrun, Paul is a regular runner at Blackpool and Lytham parkrun. You will have seen his picture in last weeks report also as he was the first finisher. Unfortunately we are unable to give all 4 of you 1st position on the results.

To me this demonstrates the ethos of parkrun, showing it is a run and not a race. This is one fantastic photo that puts a smile on my face every time I see it. Thanks this weeks photographer Graham Jones for his quick eye and catching the special parkrun moment. The visiting volunteers all commented how they had never seen this before.

This was a bit of a challenge for the visiting time keepers  to try and get all 4 of them clocked in as they crossed the line but I think that getting them all within 1 second is a fantastic achievement.

Congratulations to Deborah Zeal join us this week from Lytham parkrun who also completed her 50th parkrun with us.

All photos can be found on the Blackpool parkrun Flickr page at:  https://www.flickr.com/groups/blackpool-parkrun/

This weeks full results and a complete event history can be found on the Blackpool parkrun Results Page.

Male placings: All position 1 really! Paul Muller (VM60-64) of Horwich RMI Harriers, was first over the line in 18:27 - second time in 9 appearances. Andrew Draper (VM35-39) of Lytham St. Annes RRC, was first over the line in 18:28. Robert Lees (VM40-44) of Penistone Footpath Runners AC, was first over the line in 18:28. James Greenaway (VM35-39) Blackpool, Wyre & Fylde AC was first over the line in 18:28

Female placings: Danielle Jepson (VW40-44) (Unattached) was first (14th overall) over the line in 20:58 - first appearance. Susan Samme (VW50-54) of Lytham St. Annes RRC, was second (18th overall) over the line in 21:35. Gill Draper (SW30-34) of Lytham St. Annes RRC, was third (21st overall) over the line in 21:46.

The three highest age grades were recorded by: Paul Muller (VM60-64) – 86.90% for the time 18:27 (first overall). Susan Samme (VW50-54) – 81.70% for the time 21:35 (18th overall). Danielle Jepson (VW40-44) – 74.48% for the time 20:58 (14th overall).

The female record is held by Amelia Beaman who recorded a time of 18:39 on 8th April 2017 (event number 9). The male record is held by Joseph Monk who recorded a time of 16:06 on 7th October 2017 (event number 34). The Age Grade course record is held by Maureen Laney who recorded 90.83% (21:59) on 11th March 2017 (event number 5).

Blackpool parkrun started on 4th February 2017. Since then 2,362 participants have completed 6,925 parkruns covering a total distance of 34,625 km, including 1,730 new Personal Bests.

[stardust2003]

Madferit: The Novel - Chapter 2

Life returned to normal after the concert, not that I really expected any different. I went to work – same old, same old – and tried to forget about my little rendezvous with some guy who thought he was John Lennon.

            It was somewhat easy. I never heard Oasis on the radio even though I knew they had at least two singles out. Maybe they weren’t going to take over the world as they imagined. The Grog Shop was by no means a stadium. Perhaps they were too arrogant for their own good.

            Halloween was only days away. A friend of ours invited us to a party a couple months prior and Kelly and I wouldn’t dare miss it. I still had to figure out what to go as. A hippie? I just fucked a wannabe Beatle after all. Oh shit! I was trying so hard to forget about that.

            I was at work (it was a freaking Sunday) when Kelly called the office saying I needed to come home as soon as I could.

            “There’s a surprise here for you.” She said.

            I could hear the smile in her voice.

            A surprise? What kind of surprise?

            When the hour struck time to go home, I bolted out the door to find out.

            “Oh my God!” I exclaimed as I opened the front door to the apartment and saw what I assumed was my surprise.

            “Alright.” He said quietly as he sat there on the couch. His crystal blue eyes looked about half scared. He scratched his head like he was thinking of what to say next.

            But I beat him to it.

            “What are you? How did you? How did you figure out where I lived?”

            “Called the venue, right? Where we done the gig.” He explained. “Asked ‘em to look ya up and they give me your address. Didn’t know you were right here in Cleveland.”

            “We’re in a suburb really.” I informed him.

            He shrugged in acknowledgement.

            “Where’s Kelly?” I asked.

            “Ya mean the bird that let me in?”

            I nodded.

            “Oh right. Well she went out, said she’d be back later. Rung ya first to let ya know I was here. I told her to say it was a surprise though.” He winked.

            I couldn’t keep the small smile from spreading across my face. “Aren’t you still on tour?” I asked. I couldn’t remember all the dates but I knew they were pretty well back to back.

            “Just finished up the American leg yesterday.” He replied. “The rest of the lads went back home but I had to come find you first. We’ve got a break 'til the fourth November when we go to Paris and I was wonderin’…”

            “What?” I asked when I noticed him trailing off.

            “Well, I know this is gonna sound really forward but fuck it! We’ve already shagged and ever since we left that night, I can’t stop thinkin’ about you. I want you to come back to Manchester with me. I’m scared to go home. Everything’s gonna go tits up now that we’ve made it. Our Noel already called and said how he was nearly mobbed in the street when he got back to Burnage 'cuz people were goin’ fuckin’ nuts when they saw him.”

            I just stared at him. He really did look petrified at the thought of it all. Perhaps the cockiness was just a façade?

            “I’m alone here now the others have gone.” He continued. “I’d ask to lie up here but I know that’d be too forward.”

            'Eh, I don’t know about that.’ I thought. But I couldn’t tell him that so I said something else. “Don’t you have like an agent or something?” I asked. “Y'know, someone to keep you safe and all that?” I didn’t know how it all worked but I couldn’t imagine he really was alone in a foreign country.

            He shook his head. “No. They all left with the others. I told 'em I weren’t scared. Nobody knows me here so I can blend in a lot easier. Well nobody besides you. And your flatmate I s'pose.”

            I began to feel really comfortable with him when he said that. It’s like we became best friends or something in those few minutes of talking.

            “Can I stay here for a couple days?” He asked rather politely. “Marcus said he’d arrange my flight outta the airport here. He said he’d get me a hotel room as well but I don’t want that. I’m used to sharin’ with others. I’ve done it me whole life with our Noel and then on the tour I was always put up with either Guigs, Tony, or Bonehead. Noel was the only one who got his own fuckin’ room, the fuckin’-”

            “Alright!” I interrupted him when I saw he was getting upset. “You can stay here. There’s plenty of room on the couch-”

            “For the two of us?” He grinned.

            I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Don’t start.” I warned. “I’m sure Kelly won’t mind. It’s not like we’ve never had people stay over before. I’ll get you some pillows and blankets later.”

            “Ta!” He said.

            I smiled at that. I was pretty sure that was another form of British slang for “thank you”.

            I tried not to feel down about the fact that November fourth was only a few days away. I knew in my heart I’d probably never see Liam again after that.

            So I had no choice but to enjoy him while I could.