#but all encompassing of my portrayal

[embodies]

JESSE PINKMAN AS THE DUTIFUL DOG / MORAL COMPASS. A STUDY.

the overarching motif that consumes my writing jesse is this sense of him being both a foil to walter and his subservient. it is no coincidence that the first url i chose for jesse’s solo blog was a variant of the word dependence. the double entendre is clear to see: jesse is both dependent on drugs throughout ( and before / after ) the events that occur in the series and dependent on other people. as much as some might say he has an addictive personality, there is far more to it than this: he has been conditioned his entire life to feel no real sense of purpose. both by his parents and by walter ( in school and in the show ), his only use was found in looking after his aunt and quickly crumbled once she passed. jesse at his core needs to be guided by somebody - and in turn guides the viewer through a complex tug-of-war of morality against the increasingly evil acts of heisenberg. jesse is the moral compass that reminds us our protagonist is inherently evil. it baffles me to think that jesse died in the original season one script because the show seems futile without him: in an age where people like the joker and patrick bateman are idolised by masses of cishet white men, jesse to me represents the white in an otherwise grey show full of complexities. no character is pure in breaking bad but ( aside from walt jr. / flynn, who creates an amazing parallel ) jesse is the closest to that definition. this morality and purity is reflected hundreds of times in the show and jesse is often directly linked to children such as brock to make that link clear. my favourite episode of the show is peekaboo and for good reason! initially going to rob spooge and his lady, jesse is caught in the middle when he finds their son living in squalor. he is shown to yearn for a greater connection with his little brother too, and is eager for him not to follow in his footsteps. he doesn’t just gravitate toward and protect children though: his empathy extends to everyone, desperately trying to see the good in every character despite where it gets him. he values these feelings far more than any monetary gain ( again a direct foil to walt who stashes far more money than he needs for his initial goal ). this empathy is contagious, with stone cold characters like mike and gus seeing the potential in jesse early on. but all this moral ‘goodness’ is for moot, for jesse is the ‘dog’ of a show, often likened to dogs both verbally and visually. in a cage, on a chain, with a collar. jesse’s loyalty is his most endearing trait and precious asset, making him ultimately a valuable commodity in this criminal chess game that envelops him. the ultimate pawn: jesse is a leader that believes he is a follower. he has all the capabilities of looking after a group ( shown with badger, combo, and skinny ) but none of the confidence to enact it. wasted potential at its core. he shows an eagerness for knowledge and learning despite his shoddy schoolwork, never fully realising himself or considering that he could be the one to teach. but alas, jesse becomes the perfect target for the show’s many manipulators, never quite able to get a foothold and always searching for a fix. these are supplied plentifully to him: in drugs, in praise, in attention and company. in the end jesse is a sum of the parts society gifted to him and is the ultimate example of nurture ( or lack thereof ) at work. a tragic character that still reaches for the light until the last frame.

[messiahzzz]

thank you sm for the ask!! 💕 i’m glad you enjoy my posts and it is not a strange request by any means!

note: this is merely my read on gale’s sexual preferences/kinks. i don’t want to police anyone on their headcanons or claim they are “incorrect”. since the game doesn’t provide too much detail, many things remain up to interpretation. (and lest we forget fanfiction has always encouraged the exploration of dynamics that may not be present in canon.)

gale is a character who isn’t interested in walking the straight and narrow route. he is all about new experiences, favoring non-traditional means, putting his own spin on things, and the thrill of seeking the forbidden. the sheer romance of the uncharted and the unknown. he is enthusiastic in almost every aspect and possesses an infectious zest for life. in regards to his sexual preferences, this translates into an eagerness to explore, witness new sensations, and reach new heights together. while approaching the topic of sexuality with a generally playful, adventurous attitude.

if you’re looking for harder kinks, however — i don’t believe gale is the character for you. and in case it needs to be said again: there is nothing wrong with being vanilla.

initially, i see gale as a switch, who gravitates more towards assuming a dominant role, due to his ever-present desire to give and to impress. i do think he enjoys giving up control, yet you still have to actively convince him to let himself go and be spoiled for once. his first focus will always be to fulfill his partner's needs and drown them in his all-encompassing love and adoration. i also believe that gale will grow more comfortable with being the center of attention, once their relationship has reached a point of total security (and he had ample opportunities to show in just how many ways he can wow them). gale is not a strict dom, nor a sub. in his ideal relationship roles would be discarded entirely, deeming them too restrictive in his expression of intimacy with a trusted partner. it’s all about variety and ridding oneself of the shackles of the worldly, after all. melting into one perfect whole, not knowing where he ends and his partner begins.

gale: we are all sensual vessels. illusory magic lets us sail farther, and feel more deeply.

gale: [..] i could use the weave to make us feel sensations beyond reckoning.

based on what we know about gale, these could be some of his kinks:

lots of praise (this is non-negotiable), sensation/temperature play (waxplay, electrostimulation/all the many perks magic has to offer), sensory deprivation, light restrictions and bondage, the occasional roleplay, katoptronophilia (self-explanatory), altered mental-states (hypnosis, psychedelics), orgasm control & denial, body worship, olfactophilia and given his propensity towards verbosity: narratophilia and some very inventive dirty talk. as for my own self-indulgent take: due to the recurring emphasis on hands during his romance, as well as his being the main tool in how he shapes and navigates the world: quirofilia.

nodecontext: flustered, standing in front of his romance partner in bondage gear. not necessarily uncomfortable with the bondage aspect, just trying to stay focused.

now, what are gale’s hard-limits?

gale, after the player received loviatar's blessing: your hide, your choice. not quite my cup of tea though.

while projecting your own kinks and fantasies onto fictional characters is fine and well, disregarding and ignoring the source material (and the character's stated boundaries) is another matter entirely. fanon!gale is rather ooc and very different from his canon portrayal, which is something that tends to irk me. although this remains a common fandom phenomenon.

personally, i don’t see gale as someone who enjoys pain of any kind, be it giving or receiving (with the exception of spanking and light choking, if a certain mood strikes. although it is kept mostly playful). contrary to what fandom may claim, having self-worth issues, being loquacious, emotionally expressive, and vulnerability-seeking (as well as being commonly perceived as arrogant and insufferable) doesn't automatically equal having repressed masochistic tendencies. he could be convinced to dip a toe into sadism, but only upon his partner’s insistence. although i doubt he himself would find enjoyment in that.

the same applies to degradation/humiliation. i doubt that a character who is still very much struggling with inherent self-worth issues and a general feeling of being defective/not worthy would derive sexual gratification from being degraded. yes, it can certainly be healing for some, but gale doesn’t strike me as someone who would find particular enjoyment in that. quite the contrary, actually. nor would he like to do the degrading for that matter (he would vehemently refuse. all he wants to do is sing your praises.) gale wouldn’t enjoy being leashed and/or collared in any way either. the prospect of being tied up or restricted is rather intriguing, cause it serves to center one’s vulnerability while also allowing for more intense sensations. anything that taps into the puppy play/slave territory tho? he would find it demeaning… and, quite frankly, silly.

gale is also not a voyeur, nor a cuck. the entire scene with the drow twins leans way too much into dub-con territory for my tastes. the only way you can get him to participate at all is by rolling a persuasion check with DC 25. in every other dialogue option, he immediately (and explicitly) declines. even if you do manage to pass the persuasion check, he is still very hesitant about participating.

gale: i might enjoy watching you tangled up with the drow, as long as i was five paces back.

he then immediately runs from the room, because sending a simulacrum in his place was the only way to somewhat remove himself from the situation while still being able to please tav. because of course he wants to please and clearly this is important to tav so he might just… have to discard his reservations and... just go through with it?!

gale: well i suppose it would do no good to back out now. let us begin this little anthropological study, if we must.

i am aware that fandom uses the fact that his “orb lit up in telltale excitement” as a justification that persuading him was the right choice, as well as confirmation that he was secretly into it and “just needed a little push" to explore his desires/get out of his comfort zone. that implication alone is very suspect and goes straight into the sort of logic abusers often use. you can be physically aroused by certain scenes, images, or sounds, even while being visibly uncomfortable with the presented scenario. it is a natural response that you can’t often control. which is what he is showing throughout the entire scene: discomfort. he was coerced into this situation, without any prior discussion or an opportunity to talk about his boundaries. furthermore, this is what he has to say if you approach him after the threesome:

gale: ahem. i hope you're not here to ask about our recent, erm, activities. i'd rather those were consigned to the footnotes of our romance, if it's all the same with you.

since he is strictly monogamous, any arrangement involving another person is also a no. he made this rather clear when tav sought him out after receiving halsin's proposal. him being monogamous isn't solely rooted in his trauma, it isn't something he has to “overcome” in order to heal, nor does it mean that their relationship is any less fulfilling. call him greedy, stubborn, or old-fashioned, but he cannot comfortably agree to that.

[youremyheaven]

Random Astrology Observations

Moon in the 1h is often talked about like 🥺🥺wears their heart on their sleeve🥹🥹uwu softie way but tbh Moon in 1h can make someone incredibly manipulative, they know just what to say and when to say it and know how to work their audience, this is perhaps why this placement is found in the charts of soooo many successful actors. ex: Leonardo DiCaprio, Audrey Hepburn, Henry Cavill, Charlie Chaplin, Priyanka Chopra, Antonio Banderas, Brendan Fraser, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Padelecki, Val Kilmer, Adrien Brody etc

I think this is a very manipulative placement, again manipulation is not in and of itself a bad thing, its what we use it for that matters. Some people completely lack the ability to manipulate at all (they don't have Moon influence)

2. Debilitated placements point to unconventional intelligence & wisdom in that area. I feel like they've cracked the code . They struggle a lot but when they triumph it's magic

3. I've mentioned this in other posts but many notorious sex offenders have Venus influence. Actions of this sort, as well as criticizing others' beauty, not taking care of yourself/surroundings, being shabby or disorderly in general are all things that harm your Venus. Abusing someone is the quickest way to ruin your Venus, you start corroding and that ugliness begins to manifest on the outside.

Ex: Harvey Weinstein looks like a cartoonish villain

4. As I explore the astrology content put out by others across different platforms, I've seen how the nature of the take themselves are so specific and unique to the person making them. Claire Nakti has a tendency imo to focus heavily on romance, sex and women's sexual behaviour and what sort of men they attract.

Going through her website, it's obvious that she's deeply immersed in occult & esoteric philosophy (all of which ties together with vedic astrology, philosophy, Buddhism etc because I truly believe that spiritual truths are universal and different schools of thought/religion/culture/mythology express these same truths in their own way with a LOT of recurring patterns) and Carl Jung as well.

It's studying Jung that helped me understand that what we see or draw from something is a reflection of who we are. As a beginner to vedic astrology, I initially believed Claire's one dimensional portrayal to be the all encompassing truth of a nakshatra until I started doing my own reading and research.

The things I talk about or the patterns I find are a reflection of me and I get a lot of asks about why I don't do xyz nak and honestly it's not as simple as doing research for an essay for uni, you kind of have to have a gnosis or innate knowing of its themes, something to base your search off of. And different naks call to me at different points. I come across content that describes certain naks in lights i could've never imagined which is to say that gnosis or inner knowing is an important aspect of studying anything esoteric, it kind of has to be revealed to you and what you see, what you can discern is a reflection of you.

5. you have to have a strong Rahu to discern patterns and similarities because Rahu is maya/illusion and a well-placed Rahu will allow you to see through those patterns/illusions. it will be very hard for someone without a strong Rahu to find similarities or common tropes, patterns, themes etc. Seeing through the veil or fog is Rahuvian.

6. Claire Nakti made a video about Venusian men where she said they were the ideal type of man and tbh that just confirmed my suspicion that she's Moon dominant because I think Moon dominant people are attracted to Venusians but in my humble opinion both Venusian men and Moon dominant men are some of the most batshit crazy people (manipulative and controlling at the least, psychopathic at worst) basically men who have a lot of Yin tend to be psychotic

7. I've noticed that Revati people tend to speak in a very verbose way. Nigella Lawson, Revati Moon is a really good example. Obviously other placements will also impact speech

8. Moon dominant people hate it when others share sob stories. They're the type to have the least amount of empathy for others and will either react in a neutral way or like they don't understand why you're saying this stuff at all. They're bored by other people's mundane problems and make it known as well. Not people you want to open up to.

My former friend was this way, I once cried in front of her and she showed zero emotion and didn't even try to comfort me lol

9. The way others treat us is the way we treat others. ik this is a basic take but karma is cause and effect. if you're dismissive of others feelings, other people will be dismissive of yours. what you do is what will be done unto you. Its so crazy to see how people who've been treated like shit by their friends will turn around and treat other people like shit. this is sooo basic but genuinely dont do anything to others that you dont want done to you.

[episodeoftv]

Round 5 of 8

propaganda and summaries are under the cut (May include spoilers)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 5.16 The Body

tw Death of a major character, grief, dealing with the death of a parent

Buffy, Dawn, and their friends deal with the aftermath of Joyce's death.

The purposeful removal of music for the whole episode, the grief portrayed, the portrayals of people with varying amounts of interaction with death. It hits so hard.

This episode killed me. I have never watched anything that has fully encompassed the feeling of loss and what it's like to experience death close to you than The Body. It is an absolute gut punch in the best way. I actually had to take a week off of watching Buffy to recover because I was so destroyed. 12/10 I don't think I will ever be able to watch this episode of TV ever again

One of the greatest depictions of grief and bereavement of all time. Both formally inventive and unique in its cinematography, sound design, editing etc. while also being an incredible personally affecting emotional experience.

There’s another buffy episode that probably deserves the title more, but I did have to give this one some recognition. For a whacky silly show about vampires, this episode is maybe the realest portrayal of death and grief I’ve ever seen. It’s not just a sad episode that makes audiences cry - I mean it is that - but it’s also this incredible examination of what it’s like to lose someone, and how the world shifts on its axis when that happens. The lack of any non diegetic music is an amazing touch to give this episode a sense of distance from all others. It’s real in a way that’s hard to watch but also unforgettable. Certain scenes and lines will always stay with me and will forever shape my feelings on life and loss.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Body_(Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer)

M*A*S*H: 11.16 Goodbye, Farewell and Amen

In the closing days of the Korean War, the staff of the 4077 M*A*S*H Unit find themselves facing irrevocable changes in their lives.

LITERALLY the most episode ever. For American television broadcasts it remains the most-watched primetime television episode ever, beaten only by a number of Super Bowls, the moon landing, and the Nixon resignation.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goodbye,_Farewell_and_Amen

[onpurposeilovehimonpurpose]

RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE (2023) dir. Matthew Lopez

I want to talk about this. There are many great moments that Nicholas Galitzine acted to bring Henry to life. But this one, this is everything to me. It encompasses every word written about Henry in the novel and script. I cried a lot for many reasons during the movie. Most of the tears were because of happiness, happy to see these characters I loved for so long and so deeply in my mind- on a screen. But this moment, it took me back to a place many years ago, and instances that occur even today, of pains caused by societal pressures and standards and the invasion of my vulnerabilities.

While what Henry is experiencing here is much more complex than anything I have ever had to deal with, it is still such a perfect portrayal of anguished resilience that made me love him so much. There's a lot of praise for this movie, but with that, is a lot of people saying it's a silly rom-com, too. But this scene and many others, if you've ever "been" like Alex or Henry, you know it's not silly at all. It's amazing to me that we get to see a film like this, something I never would've guessed 20 years ago that I would ever see.

This movie doesn't end here, it is full of hope and love. Henry goes through Hell here in this scene, but he and Alex do get a happy ending. It's becoming less rare in Queer cinema now for that to occur, but I haven't seen it quite like this before. With moments like this one that rip your heart open, and still end happily with endless possibilities for the couple.

[mikkeneko]

I decided to make this its own post for two reasons: one, I didn't want to derail a post that is about Judaism with a discussion of a different faith and two, it was really only one of several posts I've seen recently that stuck out to me as being "man, this is way off-base."

This is not so much about "people are saying mean things about this religion and it hurts my feelings!" but it is definitely about "people are making statements that represent a wildly skewed and inaccurate picture of the reality, and I can't tell whether they're being hyperbolic on purpose or think they're genuinely telling the truth." This is not a question of whether any given church is good or bad; this is a question of whether there is or can be a distinct entity that serves as a single unified church or faith in American Christian tradition (spoiler: No.)

Here's the basic message: Any discussion of "the Christian god" or "the Christian faith" or "American Christianity" needs to be taken with a big honking asterisk that there is no single portrayal of God, or Christianity, or spirituality and faith that conveys accurate information about the entire breadth of American Christianity.

There is no single American Christian Church. None. The single biggest branch of American Christianity, Southern Evangelical Baptist, makes up at its broadest 30% of all American Christians (12% of the overall population.) The rest are split between Catholic, Methodist, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Adventist, Congregationalist, and a dozen other even tinier branches, before you even get into the more far-out variants that people have ongoing arguments as to whether they even really count as "Christian." (LDS, Unitarians, and possibly Mennonites fall into this category.) Most of the major branches share a lot of common ground, but there's an enormous amount of variation -- they disagree widely on concepts such as the existence or nonexistence of Hell; the mechanics of conversion or salvation; the requirements of baptism or confirmation; whether prostylezation is required, encouraged or even permitted; what kind of sexualities are or are not accepted; God as an active or non-active role in the world; how 'sin' works or if it's even a thing; the existence or not of saints; the divinity or not of Christ; or even the idea of an anthropomorphic God at all. Some are progressive, some are fundamentalist, some are fundamentalist in ways that are completely at odds with the popular perception of what those fundaments are. I personally know one Methodist pastor who also believes and teaches about God as a "oneness of the universe" and have met others who conceive of God as "that which spans the space between the limits of our understanding and the limits of our universe." You cannot categorically state that all American Christians share a common notion on any of these topics.

Other statements I've seen recently that just made me go "what? no?"

That the USA was founded by religious extremists and That's Why America is Like That. Only one or two of the original settlements were founded for this purpose. Some were founded with an explicit purpose of total freedom of (or from) religion; others were entrepreneurial ventures with nothing to say on the topic of religion at all. When the guiding documents of the American state were put together the clause of freedom of religion was included front and center precisely because they didn't want religious extremists to be steering the ship.

That the majority of USAmericans are in cults and don't even realize they're in cults. This requires both an extremely broad definition of “cult” (to encompass pretty much any branch of Christianity, not only the more extremely evangelical ones) and severely over-estimates how many people in the US are practicing Christians (less than half.)

That the "Christian God" is intended to function as a "Great Uniter" into which other faiths can be folded; This is not a Protestant thing. Most Protestant faiths are not syncretic to the degree Catholicism is (or at all,) since there wasn't a motivating political entity backing their creeds to make them so. Again: Not all branches of American Protestantism require, encourage, or even permit prostylezation.

On that note: Not all Christians are Catholic. This isn't news, right? People know this, right? This is one of those things that I always assumed was very common knowledge, and was very surprised to run into people who were not aware of this (who either think that all Christians or Catholic, or else that Catholics are not Christian at all, depending on which side of the equation they're approaching from.) Protestant and Catholic Christianity are very very distinct entities both spiritually and politically, and in the USA, Catholic Christianity is a minority religion and is mostly (though not exclusively) practiced in minority demographic communities. Of 46 presidents so far only one has been Catholic, and a lot of the opposition to JFK's appointment was people being suspicious of his Catholicism since it was thought that his loyalty to the Church might supersede his loyalty to the US. American Christianity is mostly Protestant, not Catholic, and Protestant Christianity does not function at all the way Catholicism does. We had a whole Reformation about this. Any take that refers to "The Church" in America as a single united entity that dictates theology to its outreaching branches is... off-base.

What certainly is true is that a number of individual churches in the US have organized around the aim of consolidating social and political power, have worked at advancing their members to positions of power in order to protect and promote their interests, and thus are over-represented and have outsized influence on the political sphere. The ones that do this, as well as the ones that put emphasis on proselytizing and on money-making, tend to self-select for being the most visible and infamous because their business model is expansive by nature. That's certainly the case for the SEB in the American South, or the LDS in Utah. I really get the feeling when people use these broad terms that they are thinking either of the SEB (again, not even a majority among American Protestants!) or of the Catholic church (even less so!)  But not only do not all Americans agree with those beliefs, they don't even agree with each other.

[thegratefulsouth]

TWD Caryl - A Tree Fell in the Forest

I just finished watching TWD and searching a bunch tonne of stuff on this here Tumblr which I'm brand new to, and I have thoughts.

I am strangely drawn to imperfection, its beauty, and TWD sits in this place, hovering near almost faultlessness (characters), to being nearly unwatchable (where did the characters go), sometimes within the same episode. It's utterly fascinating! I am hooked! A little late, yes, but isn't that the story of my life.

I honestly have not felt this way about characters since the late 90's, when my 17 year old Willoz shipping heart waited desolately for Oz to return, and ... we all know how that turned out. Ah, shipping. I literally had not shipped a single ship since that day. Until I watched The Same Boat. TWD has some pretty special characters. Though I love Bojack and Ozark and Travis Fimmel's Ragnar, I did not feel compelled to examine the inner workings of those beautiful humans/humanoids beyond the show.

There I was, happily not shipping a ship, apart from my own relationship with my own beloved, which I ship ecstatically every day. (This is the kind of ramble I can indulge in when I think readership will be non-existent). Got another ship in!

Anyway, my point is that a Caryl romance is clearly canon, even though the relationship isn't (yet?).

I didn't actually fall in love with Carol until she listened to my urgent pleas to take care of the Wolves at the start of season 6. I should point out that I have ADHD so I didn't always have the dopamine? Emotional regulation? Focus? To listen to all of your speeches, Rick, or to watch entire episodes devoted to new characters, Tara, Magna, Alpha. So, apparently, I missed entire stuff.

Even after "C'mere", I just thought Carol and Daryl had this extremely unique soulmate bond, like that of Ragnar and Athelstan in Vikings. It is an extremely rare and unique portrayal of a transcendental devotion that cannot be likened to any other kind of relationship, because there are no other relationships like it. The bind encompasses every aspect of love and support needed to utterly fulfull and complete someone.

At this point I had stumbled onto Tumblr because I realised I needed pro-Carol recaps from Carylers, as they seemed to best understand and grasp this very special character. I went back and rewatched from the beginning and I was shocked. I rewatched (and noticed for the first time) the flirting, the hesitation, the banter, the unspoken LOOKS, oh so many. Drew the links from Consumed ("I kinda like it." "Stop.") Watched interviews, waded through the mass of gaslighting that abounds, which seems to wrap itself around every subtle, telling moment.

Why? Because it's fascinating. A mystery. Pretending something that happened, did not? A tree fell in the forest and some people did not hear it. Well I didn't hear it either! But I went back and found the tree. That tree is on the damn ground.

Carol and Daryl are so in love with each other it hurts. Their romance exists. Therefore, I'm gonna ship it.

TGS

[acid-ixx]

Hey hey, you don’t have to answer this ask but truly your works has been so comforting to me in my worst moments with how you write loneliness. I apologize, I should had shown my appreciation earlier as the way you write isolation brought me relief in the understanding of it from a deeper level.

Sure, while there is an occasional joy of reading something where you, the reader instantly gets the love you always crave for… Unfortunately it is never that perfect or at all realistic, sure when people think of touch-starved you think of the desperate and all encompassing one where one is filled with warmth but never about the opposite where you are so touch-starved it floods your guts with nausea at the sudden abundance of it. And you, you! You write that perfectly, I cared about your reader, I was able to cry, I was able to express anger and pace around the room at how well you structure your works. And I wasn’t even a fan of Batfam or indulge deeply into any Batman related media until your fics came across my dash and I was ever so curious to find a nicely written gift basically.

Although I am not as skilled at the pen as you, I feel I should exchange some other things I saved of writers’ words that too gave me some comfort as well in hopes you do as well.

Thank you dedicating your time to write such intimate loneliness, I do truly appreciate and found solace in the best and worst of your reader struggling to accept the nuances of love. The absence and over abundance of love can truly drive all humans to be the worst version of themselves in order to find stability.

No need to post another fic and while I do enjoy them, you can always write about other stuff. Do a Q&A; what inspires you, what are your interests outside of this blog, and etc. Reblog other blogs, make characterization or silly posts, share other things you love at your own will. You, at the end of the day is your greatest priority, no need to demean yourself because you know yourself the best. Thank you and sorry for rambling!

did u know i teared up when i read this ? idk why i did but maybe it's the fact that my writing is meant to primarily comfort myself, it's the things i write whenever i feel absolutely terrible and to see how it genuinely comforts others made me a bit emotional. tysm for your kind words 🥹 but at the same time there's no need to apologize! nobody is obligated to repost or comment on my works really, i just appreciate it when people do since it counts as a way to inspire me and this one genuinely did.

and yes, i love to write about loneliness and abandonment and all those negative emotions purely because it's my medium of ranting about the neglect i went through as a child, it's kind of like my own therapy hehe. u alongside the others love my portrayal of my mc so much it makes my heart go doki doki istg 🎀

also, the poems you sent me made me very emotional too, because i love poems and the symbolic meanings behind them and both pictures just ignited that dying flame i have to insert a poem for chapter 4 of a&a. i love the first poem about the struggles of finding love through your parents and eventually moving on and building a future for yourself and the second one desiring tenderness in the simplest of intimate moments just made my touch starved self ache.

and tysm too for you, alongside many others, reminding me to write for myself because i truly am! it's all just been so tiring seeing a notification and thinking it must've been some input about my writing only to find out it's people asking when or if i'm going to update soon that makes me start to think writing is an obligation, but i'm really trying my best and i feel excited doing a 4k follower special 🩷

[blackflash9]

Unwavering Faith: Aveline and the Colonial Assassins (Analysis)

Over the years, I've come to notice a dual parallel and theme between the premise of AC Rogue and the side title, Liberation:

The loss of faith. Despite its intentionally ambiguous portrayal of the Assassins, Liberation compellingly explores their flaws, contradictions, and hidden layers through characters like Agate and François Mackandal respectively. This, in turn, profoundly impacts Aveline's mental state and her faith in her sect of the Colonial Assassins and their Creed.

Mackendal, in particular, was a very fascinating character not just in the historical context, but in what he encompassed for the ideals and values of the Assassins when pressed to their logical extreme in using their Creed as a policy for aggression, violence, and unrestrained use of power. An example of this is how he aimed to poison the colonists in Saint-Dominique.

The Mackandal Rebellion (1750-1758) | Haitian Revolution (1791-1804)

What's interesting is that despite his atrocities, Mackandal didn't think he was a traitor of any kind to the Brotherhood or what it preached. Much Like Altair who didn't believe so when he killed his Mentor. Neither did Pierre Bellec when he killed Mirabeau in Unity. Mackandal, in fact, firmly believed he was an Assassin, even truer than the Colonials themselves. From his perspective, he didn't kill "innocents." He just didn't see any of the "white masters" at the time as remotely innocent. Clearly, he was wrong from any other point of view, but it doesn't make him less of an Assassin. After all, the Creed does allow it if you want it to.

In some regards, he shares a sharp contrast with Adewale himself. Both men are shaped by their brutal experiences as slaves, embodying contrasting conclusions with the Assassin's Creed. Mackandal, corrupted by deep-seated anger, employs ruthless and indiscriminate methods such as poisonings, reflecting a radical approach that often causes collateral damage that ultimately catches up to him destroying himself and his Brotherhood. In contrast, Adewale, motivated by a strong sense of justice and compassion, remains steadfast in his convictions and humanity for himself and others. As a result, Mackandal's legacy is often treated as a cautionary tale, while Adewale retaining his morals and principles through the Creed is still remembered and admired by even individuals like Evie Frye an entire century later. This duality between them underscores the larger internal struggle that individuals within the Brotherhood face in response to both oppression and their endless fight for and to preserve freedom. This era of the Assassins, especially, is faced with this dilemma where the very freedom that they fight for is often short-lived, imperfect, nuanced, and bittersweet. 'Laid to Rest' Transcript

Connor: "My father is dead. Charles Lee now leads the Templar Order in his place. I see now why ours is an eternal war. For each piece taken from the board, another is placed upon it. Back and forth we go. Across the world. Across the ages. Some days, mine feels an impossible task, but I cannot afford to be consumed with doubt. The people need me. Now, more than ever. I must stop the Templars. I will kill Charles Lee." Connor's Forsaken Epilogue Soliloquy Connor: "So many voices, each demanding something else… It has been hard at times, but never harder than today to see all I worked for; perverted, discarded, forgotten!"

This brings us to the inner turmoil and duality that Aveline struggles with over the course of her story. Who is she really? Why does she fight? Is it even worth the effort to fight at all in such an unjust world?

"I trust my own hands," I believe, is Connor expressing his adherence to individualism above all else. For him, it signifies the realization that even the people and institutions you serve can be flawed or have misguided intentions, and you must trust your own judgment. This mindset makes Connor an embodiment of the Creed and its ideals—an approach that Aveline also adopts. Her persistent fight for choice and freedom, despite the hypocrisy, corruption, and fallibility within her own order, makes her dedication as an Assassin truly compelling. Because Aveline is more than just an Assassin. She is a liberator.

[romanticizingmurder]

One of the things that comes up a lot in meta on the vampire chronicles is trying to delineate between "this is being treated as a kink fantasy", "this is fictional trauma beinf sexualized", and "this is being treated like real trauma would be" and I think the interesting and almost unique to itself aspect of TVC is that...it's almost always all of the above.

I've been thinking about David and Lestat's respective turnings lately and what strikes me about both is how they don't really neatly line up into "portrayal of horrific trauma", "rape fantasy", or even "cnc fantasy" (hear me out, we'll get there), but are an uneasy mixture of all of them at the same time.

Disclaimer: I am going to be talking about rape in a fictional story both as a traumatic violence and as a fantasy. I am coming at this from the point of view of someone who enjoys kinks, including nonconsent in fiction, and who is a real life survivor.

Using David's turning because most of the discussion around it is neatly in the same one or two places, we see it treated as all of these things in turn.

Lestat undeniably rapes David. That is not only the implication from blood drinking as a metaphor for sexual desire, but explicitly the language used:

There are scenes of genuine anguish after the assault:

At the same time, the scene is, at least in my opinion, pretty sexualized! We linger in descriptions of David's body, of Lestat's pleasure in this monstrous deed.

And if this was all there was to it, I'd feel pretty comfortable putting this (and the many situations which mirror it in TVC) as a dead dove sort of situation. It's erotic horror, and this is both erotic and horrifying. What else did you expect?

And yet.

Let me make a relevant digression:

Up until 2012, when new research started coming out, the most popular theory for why rape fantasies are so prevalent among women was something called sexual blame avoidance. The idea being that women's sexuality and desires are so shamed by society as a whole that fantasies wherein they are forced allow them a guiltless way of experiencing desire.

This actually appears to not be the case for most people with these fantasies, but it certainly still is for many, and, possibly more relevantly: when these books were written, this would have been The theory on rape fantasies. That rape fantasies are a manifestation of desires that one feels ashamed of, so the fantasy of being forced removes one's agency and thus blame.

And here is David, having been raped by Lestat, saying he really did want it, he just couldn't allow himself to want it.

David had a desire he felt shame for desiring, and Lestat took away that shame by forcibly acting upon it.

It's easy to read this as simply rape apologism, and I can't stop anyone from reading it that way. And I don't and can't really know what Anne was thinking in this or in any number of other scenes that encompass erotica and horror and the comfort of fantasy all at once.

All I can do is say that the first thing I thought of when reading David's speech was how it felt directly lifted from any number of conversations I've had with other survivors on the appeal of cnc scenes. All I know is how I felt reading this and any number of other scenes in this series, which was: oh, finally someone understands what the fantasy is about.

But I think what trips people with that is that these stories aren't "just" short or erotica without weight. These are long stories with character development and emotional weight and real explorations of trauma. And I don't think that's inaccurate! I think they are that. I think these are, at least to me, also long explorations of kink fantasies and how the dynamics of those fantasies, removed from the need for consent and risk awareness of the real world.

Lestat can rape David and it can be something traumatic, something erotic, and something he ended up believing he wanted, because it's not one or the other in this universe. It can be an exporation of cycles of trauma, erotic horror, and long form kink fantasies written with real emotion, all at once. We don't have to choose just one - and I don't think Anne did, either.

[shadamyheadcanons]

I saw a while back you were asked what your favorite interpretations of Shadow and Amy were.

While I don’t disagree (haven’t played heroes so can’t comment there, but have beat SA2) I was curious on your views over Sonic 06 version of Shadow? Ignoring the heavy problems with the game itself, I’m personally a heavy fan of the VA and how he acts.

It may be selfish of me… but I kinda wish Amy got more interactions with Shadow instead of Silver. I get WHY they did it, but I feel like it could of been nice to have them reunite and maybe even contrast the end of SA2 y’know?

First post about my favorite Shadow & Amy portrayals, SA2 and Heroes

Follow-up about Sonic Battle and Sonic Chronicles

I love both Shadow AND Amy in that game!

06 Shadow in particular has been getting a ton of interest in the past few years, and it’s wonderful to see. I considered including it in that first post about my favorites. 06 being such a failure gameplay-wise really screwed things up for the series for a long time. Sega learned all the wrong lessons. No more humans apart from Eggman. No more dark, serious plotlines. One-dimensional characters. No playable characters apart from Sonic in mainline games. None of the others can talk to anyone but Sonic. Obviously there were exceptions to this, but the series lost so much. Sonic 06 is older than most Sonic fans, but we’re only just now getting all of that back with Frontiers, IDW, etc.

This would have been bad enough on its own, but coming off the heels of Sonic 06, it hurt that much more. Sega decided Team Dark weren’t friends directly after their most poignant interactions. Shadow knew who he was. He knew what was important. And he knew he could trust the best friends by his side. When’s the last time he was so self-assured? That’s the downside of the 06 timeline being erased in the end. We know Shadow and Team Dark’s potential, but he doesn’t remember any of it.

That said, I’m ultimately still glad it’s erased. I’d hate for Shadow to go through life knowing the humans would reprogram his own best friend to hunt him down and lock him up forever. It says great things about Shadow, but it makes me like the humans a lot less.

It’s thanks to 06 that I consider Shadow to be the biggest hero in the franchise. This clip encompasses everything that makes his heroism unique:

“If the world chooses to become my enemy...I will fight like I always have.”

Iconic. Badass. I love the way he drops his inhibitors as he talks. This is Jason Griffith’s delivery at its best.

Sonic fights to protect his friends and the planet he calls home, along with the humans and Mobians who all love him, but there are SO MANY people who’ve treated Shadow like filth, and he still protects them. There’s no one else in canon who’s that selfless, and I also like that 06 doesn’t lean on Maria as the reason he does all this. Shadow himself is a good person and does good things for his own reasons, not just because she told him to.

Heroes proved this, too. Shadow didn’t even remember Maria in that game, but he still made the right call. Maria’s important, but she’s not the only reason he’s a good person.

Jason Griffith does a very good job as Shadow here and elsewhere, but David Humphrey is and always will be my favorite Shadow VA. If Jason is an A-rank, David is S-ranked. I’d be thrilled to have either of them back.

You’ll never see me judge anyone for wanting more Shadow/Amy interactions. I’ve thought the same thing with 06, and I love the Silver/Amy bits, too. She has an adorable scene with him AND starts him on the path to redemption. It’s the Amy Rose Special. I also like how she and Shadow inadvertently worked together to turn him around. Amy raised a question Silver hadn’t thought to ask, and Shadow showed him the answer.

But what this demonstrates to me is that this didn’t have to be an either/or situation.

It would’ve been nice for Amy to reunite with Silver and see how he turned things around. They were both there for the final battle, but they didn’t speak to each other. What if they’d had a scene with all three of them together? I hypothesized about that possibility in headcanon #99.

Side note: I just want to say that I think Amy is great in 06. She has the same cute accidental hug/elevator speech combo she used to turn Shadow around in SA2, but people sleep on it in 06 for some reason. On top of that, a lot of fans willfully misinterpret one particular line of hers. And anyone who knows Sonic 06 knows which one that is.

“If I had to choose between the world and Sonic, I would choose Sonic!”

I’ve seen so many people say she’s a dumb, ridiculous fangirl for this, and I can’t stand it. She’s not saying the rest of the world doesn’t matter, she’s saying that she has so much faith in Sonic as a person that she’d take his side even if the rest of the world said he was wrong. And, uh...she has good reason to! It’s not the first time he’s been falsely accused of something. It’s like these fans conveniently forgot what happened in SA2 the second they saw an opportunity to hurl insults at Amy.

You know what Amy’s line reminds me of most?

“Even if you believe everyone in the world will be against you, know that I’ll always remain by your side. Remember that.”

Yeah. That line everyone loves about ultimate loyalty for someone you care about. The line that many consider to be Rouge’s best. The only difference is that Rouge is a calm young adult talking about a friend, while Amy was an upset young girl whose feelings were too big for careful phrasing and restraint. Combine that with how much hate there was for her at the time, and you have a great, dedicated line absolutely drowned in ice-cold, bad faith takes from the fandom. And Silver needed that fervor to make him question Mephiles, too! It had to be her! It was because he saw how strongly she felt about Sonic that he started having second thoughts. You think a calm statement like Rouge’s could have made him back down from attempted murder?

Much like with Shadow in SA2, it had to be Amy. 06 did a great job with her. Some fans still need to wise up about it. They’ve been recognizing how awesome 06 Shadow is, so maybe, just maybe, they’ll do the same for Amy someday.

[chakotaybodypillow]

sorry yall for not posting about my Chakotay stuff ☹️ even though i said i wanted to get as much out before school started, Ive taken a bit of a turn on that for a few reasons.

I really wanted to start by addressing and sharing info about the Nicarao, but I wanted to provide more information than what was available with a quick google search, and tbh, it has proven to be difficult. I've been able to find some solid research backed with sources so I'm working on summarizing that, but I want to languish over the material so I can fully grasp the historical context being discussed. Its mentioned several times in the book I've chosen to read that the research is a difficult mosaic. So its taking me several reads to digest the series of events listed. It's a lot but not that much a at the same time. Ive had to expand my readings to encompass the entirity of Central America as well as Mexico.

Unfortunately the amount of contemporary ethnographic research of the Indigenous people of the Rivas is also very very limited. Which is disappointing :/ from what I've read the Nicarao as a group are extinct. So I've also had to shift my focus to groups that are still active to get a better understanding of the Native populations.... its a lot and i more than likely will post in chunks as i take in more information. So when i finally do make the first post it will be a small historic break down of theories and studies about the arrival of the Nahuas to Nicaragua :)

Also....off topic i had a discussion with my editor (my mom) after i posted my topics and she told me that i had essentially created an outline for a master's thesis 😅... and that posting it publicly was a mistake 😅😅... bc now it cant be considered my research😅😅😅 ....... She was telling me to consider making this into real academic research and we discussed the different methods of pop culture research and such. Ive considred making this into something bigger, but idk. it would make all of this worthwhile, but im also kinda insecure about this .

But to clarify i use the terms "thesis" or "research" lightly. While yes ive done research, i dont plan to make this a formal thing when i post to tumblr and elsewhere, just to stay on the safe side. I guess I'll make this more of a blog where i discuss my thoughts and address concerns rather than dive into these super academic discussions.

I just want to encourage others to think critically about chakotays portrayal and possibly lay down a framework for his background story. I only intend to speak on things that i feel comfortable speaking on as a poc analyzing anither poc character and will avoid some indigenous specific perspectives.

so yeah school starts for me soon and i'm going to be hemmed up with that, but im excited becasue im taking some classes that will help me with the chakotay topics hehe.

thanks for listening to my yap session! Im almost done with the summarizing and hope to post a little bit soon :D

[kisaraslover]

DO U HAVE ANY BLUESHIPPING FIC REC?????PLEASENIMSTARVINGKSKSKKS

anon kskkasak ITS FINE ILL SAVE YOU OK? here goes:

Scenes from a Kaiba Marriage and Temptation by my blueshipping queen @kisara-kaiba as the opening. the peak of modern life blueshipping fluff, very lovesick, when im reading them its heart full, head empty. youre gonna be lucky to start them now cuz ill be rereading and drawing scenes from them this week👀. itll be like premium fanfic reading.

Enjambment -> this fic might be the single best written blueshipping fic by the virtue of MIRRORING their encounter in ancient Egypt beat by beat, including BOTH of their character arcs and the netflix show vibe of suspense and the sharp, cold and bleak setting is chefs kiss. changed my brain chemistry. still one of my favorite portrayals of Kisara.

Maiden with Eyes of Blue -> Sometimes time needs to slow down and a single scene should be a character study/ hashing out of things you needed acknowledged by canon, the situation is ESPECIALLY dire for Seto Kaiba as ive made my feelings on his writing known many times. This is it. Kisara isnt reincarnated in this one though, but her love for him can be felt in the air. Ngl you could just incorporate this into post canon and it would be fine. canon compliant+ canon enriching.

Shades of Water, Ice, and Sky -> I'm skimming through each fic to see what they were about and i just gotta say: why so heart-wrenching if so short?? theyre in love your honor.

Their Promise: Book I -> ok gonna be honest w you i havent finished this one and the main reason is that i cant go past the SPECTACULAR first chapter. ive started and failed to draw it in its entirety. i open it, i chew on the first chapter like a rabid dog, i close it more often than not. the second reason is it has a lot more angst and heartbreak than most blueship fics do and im weak to that sort of thing. still, if we follow their ancient egypt encounter beat by beat, which is a fantastic way of following and enriching the canon, their first meeting needs to be as kids with him saving her from a cage. chefs kiss.

who are you? -> JUST the right amount of Seto Kaiba immediate fixation obsession on Kisara (which means insanely obsessed)

You Will Crave Your Ancient Roots -> this is so good and so heartbreaking man. Seto and Atem are shot back into ancient Egypt and Seto is only able to slightly alter the events around Kisara. hes fated to fall for that woman every single time and *starts sobbing*

Ancient Rules -> all i gotta say is this Seto Kaiba gives me brainworms. hes chuck full of Passion and Cockiness and Insanity. blueshippers sometimes take out his insanity. he is very unsettling here i love it. Kisara is truly at his mercy..

never forget your first dream -> fem!Set and Kisara in ancient Egypt, this story twists more than just Seto's gender. im a yuri seto truther so its great to have written proof of it. jokes aside, very well characterized Set and Kisara, rich writing.

One in Forty -> pretty short but this one fundamentally changed how i viewed Kisara's canon influence over BEWD cards and her constant and unbendable favor around Seto. canon compliant + canon enriching.

ok so these are the cream of the crop for ME personally, might have forgotten some in my other folders, i might have missed reading some, its probably not all encompassing. but frankly ive liked and saved fics for a single resounding line, single funny joke, one interesting implication about the story or the characters the author wrote up so in my heart theyre all worth checking out, always. fanfic writers are carrying this ship on their backs and theyre all 9 ft tall and im just walking around them, clearing the path, giving them a sip of water and snacks etc. so THANK YOU BLUESHIPPING AUTHORS I LOVE YOUUUUUU

[i-dont-talk-for-days-on-end]

I think a lot about that one anecdote about Jeremy - the one where he wrote himself fan mail. I obviously didn't know him, but for me, this story encompasses many of the character traits I think he possessed: a delightful eccentricity, humour, a perfectionism that was both a blessing and a curse, a little vanity perhaps, and an underlying sadness.

I think and talk/write a lot about him and Granada Holmes, and while I am sometimes glad I don't belong to those people who have to worry that their idol goes online and sees all the unhinged things written about them, it also makes me sad that none of us has the chance to write him any actual fan mail. I get the impression that he was the kind of person who would be very flattered to receive fan mail for his 90th birthday! So I decided to do just that! It's very embarrassing and sappy and probably mad - but here we go!

Dear Mr. Brett, since you would turn 90 today, I think you would love to learn just how much your portrayal of Sherlock Holmes still means to so many people (including me) today - decades after you worked so hard to gift us the best possible version of Holmes! I greatly admire and love the depth you gave to the character, and no less your own strength, kindness, and determination. I was born too late to ever have the chance to tell you, but you and your work make me a little happier every day and I am so very grateful for that. You truly played the best Holmes there ever was, and maybe the best one there ever will be. I wish there was a thing I could write to give you back some of the joy you give me daily. Happy birthday! Sincerely yours, a Tumblr user who now feels extremely embarrassed but nevertheless meant every word she wrote Ps: Please do send me a signed photograph, I can guarantee you I will faint if I find it in my mailbox. Pps: I agree that you are prettier than Rathbone, Wilmer, and Stephens!

[episodeoftv]

Round 4 of 8

propaganda and summaries are under the cut (May include spoilers)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 5.16 The Body

tw Death of a major character, grief, dealing with the death of a parent

Buffy, Dawn, and their friends deal with the aftermath of Joyce's death.

The purposeful removal of music for the whole episode, the grief portrayed, the portrayals of people with varying amounts of interaction with death. It hits so hard.

This episode killed me. I have never watched anything that has fully encompassed the feeling of loss and what it's like to experience death close to you than The Body. It is an absolute gut punch in the best way. I actually had to take a week off of watching Buffy to recover because I was so destroyed. 12/10 I don't think I will ever be able to watch this episode of TV ever again

One of the greatest depictions of grief and bereavement of all time. Both formally inventive and unique in its cinematography, sound design, editing etc. while also being an incredible personally affecting emotional experience.

There’s another buffy episode that probably deserves the title more, but I did have to give this one some recognition. For a whacky silly show about vampires, this episode is maybe the realest portrayal of death and grief I’ve ever seen. It’s not just a sad episode that makes audiences cry - I mean it is that - but it’s also this incredible examination of what it’s like to lose someone, and how the world shifts on its axis when that happens. The lack of any non diegetic music is an amazing touch to give this episode a sense of distance from all others. It’s real in a way that’s hard to watch but also unforgettable. Certain scenes and lines will always stay with me and will forever shape my feelings on life and loss.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Body_(Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer)

Leverage: 3.11 The Rashomon Job

Each member of the team recalls the story of an artifact all of them tried to steal on the same night five years ago.

its a great little bottle episode, if bottle episode meant something completely different than what it does. we get a sneak peak into everyone's histories, we get people making fun of each other by changing their stories once they realize oh my god that was YOU??? and we get shit like the Shrimp Allergy Debacle

https://leverage.fandom.com/wiki/The_Rashomon_Job

[troutfur]

thistlebush helping kill silverstream, but also maybe helping shelter leafpool and squirrelflight and their kits from the worst of snow even in such a weak power level while they rest in a nearby tree or something, because even if leafpool shouldnt have kits, even if theyre half clan and he's not happy about that she's still his MEDICINE CAT and the only one at that, and by starclan he will NOT let his medicine cat get frostbite because she's stupid even if he's not fully happy with her for being stupid with the running off thing or whatever replaces it in this au because i know people change this arc a lot on who the sire is and how it happens but she's their only medicine cat and the plan she has to put this behind her and move on is a good one, she's clearly repenting unlike stupid graystripe insert obligatory she shouldnt have to but like its thistleclaw here

maybe his tugging on her fur was one of the reasons squirrelflight agreed, as if it was him trying to go "yes, cmon, its perfect, we can fix this, say yes"

I just...i love his nuance, i love him, i hold your portrayals of mudclaw and thistleclaw so gently in my hands as wrong but nuanced cats who did bad things, and dont regret it, but had interesting nuanced reasons why and are capable of more then just those things

✍️

Y'all are on fire with this Thistlebush scenarios.

Yes, yes! I can imagine that, with the move and them no longer having a RiverClan border the new location he took root in after the stray seeds caught in someone's pelt could be somewhere aroudn the other border, near WindClan. He could have seen Leafpool go out, give her a scratch as she left, as bad as he could given his power level and the limitations of his magic to punish her for deserting the clan and when she comes back that same way... He's surprised by her loyalty and lets her pass, only leaving a stray seed or pollen on her so he has a connection to her.

I can see him using that liaison to the camp to listen in on her and Squilf as they are planning and fretting and with what little power he still has manifesting in their dreams, pointing them to a hiding place, letting them know about a place where they can rest and give birth to their kits.

The three are dangerous to StarClan. The prophecy plus the fact they came from a codebreaker doesn't endear them to the kittens. For all they care let Leafpool bear the consequences of her actions, whatever those may be.

Firestar is dead, Hawkfrost's plan succeeded, and Brambleclaw is carrying his involvement to the grave as he ingratiates himself with the very rule-following Brackenstar. Leafpool is beloved, but without her dad in the highest office will she be granted leniency? StarClan doesn't really care, but if not, two birds with one stone eh?

Thistleclaw has other ideas. He can't help directly, and he hates the idea of these kits in principle. But the Clan having a medicine cat is important. She better not repeat this fuckup, though. He has his limits.

Aaaaah, thank you! <3 Putting out these concepts and playing with the ideas of StarClan as the embodiment of the historical memory of the Clans is very, very interesting to me. I'm glad it's resonating and really hitting for y'all.

My plans for Haneossia are very all-encompassing and ambitious. So many moving parts and concepts to explore, not only with the supernatural side of things but also with the default polyamory dynamics. I'm still trying to figure out how to realize it all within a format that is comfortable to me. I am, at my core, a writer of short stories not long form fiction. So bear with me as I experiment and see how I can strike a balance between executing my ideas and keeping my workload manageable.