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hxneyhxrts · 2 years ago

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Sun Bleached || Jake “Hangman” Seresin (part 5)

Part 4

note: you guys i woke up to 90+ notifications you all are fucking mental thank you. PS follow me on tiktok (18+ pretty please i don’t want to send hangman thirst traps to minors babes) @ brains4hands (let’s be besties). enjoy this, love you guys, happy pride

warnings: explicit language

God Must Hate Me

Jake almost couldn’t bring himself to attend the graduation.

Since his little revelation (could it be called that if Rooster had to practically beat it into him?), Hangman had successfully and narrowly avoided Gwyn outside of any professional setting.

For the most part.

There was the occasional run-in in the hallway or casual glance during meetings, but those interactions were enough to shake him so thoroughly that he had avoided her like the plague.

Unless they were flying.

In the sky, they were just pilots with a job to do and drills to work through. He had something else to focus on, somewhere to put his hands so they wouldn’t traitorously reach for her instead. It was also the only place he allowed himself to really talk (honestly, “flirt” was probably the better word) with her, pushing at pulling at her over comms from the safety of his plane where he couldn’t see her face light up or twist in annoyance. Treating her like everyone else could be done, so long as he had the buffer of open air between them so she couldn’t see him wiping his hands across the canvas covering his thighs every few minutes.

Drills became his favorite part of the day.

The utter helplessness Jake felt was what had him casting off attending their graduation altogether, but Bradshaw had given him a knowing smirk and teased him about being a good squad leader and making a good example.

So he sat through the ceremony, completely tuning out whatever instructor they had deemed important enough to speak about the eliteness of Top Gun, and keeping his eyes glued to the back of Gwyn’s head from her seat in the front row. He hadn’t seen her face yet, thank God, and he had spent the entire ceremony thus far mentally preparing himself for the inevitable.

Too soon, the speeches and clapping and whoops were over, and Jake steeled himself with his signature smirk as graduates filed their way around him with grins that he met with small, “congratulations”. His eyes snagged on the very person he had been eyeing since he arrived, holding his breath until he saw her quickly peel away from the crowd and stalk away alone.

He wanted to follow her. Wanted to chase after her and ask if everything was okay. He could easily blame it on being a concerned squadron leader, he reasoned.

Alec slid up next to him as he stared at the spot she had just been, the other man’s eyes scanning the crowd as he spoke. “It’s too goddamn hot to have these things outside.”

Phoenix appeared at Jake’s other shoulder, the brunette only glancing at him strangely before addressing the younger lieutenant. “Where’s the rest of you?” she teased.

Laughter peeled from Alec’s chest. “She ran to change her clothes real quick. Hates the dress whites.”

Jake blew out a sigh that had lodged itself in his throat, the noise immediately drawing the attention of both of his counterparts, but he drew on a smile before Phoenix pushed her way into figuring him out the way she always seemed to do.

Guests and graduates alike mingled all around them, and he half wondered which were here for her. He couldn’t spot any with the same wild hair or curve to their nose, and no one seemed to be looking around for her the way he was.

Strange.

“Oh, darling, thank God! I was starting to think you forgot how to do the zipper,” Alec hollered, a few people turning to gawk at his volume, but his eyes (and Jake’s) remained on the girl sliding through the crowd. “It goes up and down, by the way.”

Her laugh was short but filled with mirth nonetheless. She slid under Alec’s arm, and Jake wanted to laugh at the pathetic jealousy that cracked itself open inside of him.

Jealous.

He was jealous.

Of fucking Alec.

Phoenix congratulated them both with a polite smile as Coyote came up behind the pair and shook their shoulders. “Look at you two! Freshly graduated and already landing a spot with the big boys, huh?”

Words blurred together and Jake tuned them out, not really in the mood for teasing and talking, until a hand landed at his elbow softly. Hesitantly.

Looking up was useless, he knew who it was immediately from the tingles he felt where her hand met his body, but he did it anyway. Her eyes were on him and she was smiling. Not the full, broad grins she handed out freely during drills or when Alec made some raunchy comment that made Jake look like a saint. No, this smile seemed private, like it was only meant for him.

Fuck.

“I wanted to say thank you, Lieutenant Seresin,” she started, pulling her hand away while Jake resisted the urge to grab it and put it back on his arm. “Alec and I are really excited to join the team and work with you.”

“Jake,” he barely choked out past his own tongue. “You can call me Jake.” His hands clenched by his sides and it was the weight of Phoenix’s eyes on the side of his head that forced him to grin that infamous Hangman grin when he spoke next. “Since we’re on the same team now, and all.”

Gwyn smiled again, this one happier, and God he wished Trace would mind her business so he could swallow and short circuit in peace.

“Jake,” Gwyn said, finally.

“Gwyn,” he replied.

“Alec,” her RIO announced, inserting himself into their bubble. He smiled down at his friend and Jake watched as color filled her cheeks. “So Jake,” Alec began, tone light and teasing, “what’s the job?”

“Not today,” Jake insisted. “Today is about you guys. We can talk specifics later. For now, just enjoy the day with your families.”

Alec’s face dropped at the mention of family, head whipping around to scan through the faces gathered. His brown was pinched as he turned back to Gwyn. “Where are they?”

The younger girl looked sheepish and Jake zeroed in on the expression. “Not here,” she muttered.

Alec’s jaw tensed before he slid his arm from her shoulders and spun on his heel. “I’m calling them,” he decided and Gwyn was quick to snatch his arm to yank him back.

“I will tell them!” she insisted. “Just not yet.”

Shaw looked at her wearily, his gaze more serious than Jake had ever seen it. With a sigh, he pulled his arm free, but remained where he stood. “Fine,” he relented.

Natasha had struck up a conversation with Payback, leaving Jake to witness the conversation play out alone. The look on Gwyn’s face told him now wasn’t the time to pry.

So he smirked instead, faux cheer and coolness clouding him. “Now that you two are finished with your lover’s quarrel, we have speed drills tomorrow at nine.” He turned to leave, and realized his fists were still clenched at his sides. “Don’t be late,” he threw over his shoulder before charging away as quickly as he could without raising suspicion.

—------------

California had taken a noticeable break from its unrelenting heat, and the crisp morning that greeted them was refreshing. The sky was clear and bright and Jake had secretly relished in the dew he had to wipe from the canopy of his plane before takeoff.

The perfect morning, he mused.

The drills were to be done solo today, each pilot running through routine speed drills and the like by themselves. ‘Back to basics,’ Maverick had said. A way to keep everyone fresh and alert in case they got called out. Jake didn’t mind and found it a bit easier to focus without others around him.

The threat of attack was always looming over them, a counter strike against their last mission, but the urgency seemed to be fading with every day that passed. Jake reasoned that if an attack were actually planned, it would’ve happened by now. Yet, he kept that to himself, content to enjoy the quiet days with his team.

And now Gwyn, he could begrudgingly admit.

Gwyn, who was now taking her laps out at the clearing. He had decided against listening in on comms, preferring to give himself a little bit more time before he had to be consumed by her for the day.

He had leaned himself against one of the makeshift desks in the hangar, chatting with Payback, and silently counting down the minutes until he knew Cheek and Rev were scheduled to return. If his friend noticed him anxiously glancing at his watch every few minutes, he didn’t say anything.

The sound of boots pounding against the cement echoed suddenly, a fast and angry stride filling his ears. He turned his head to find Maverick trying and failing to keep pace with a much larger man. A sailor, by the looks of his uniform, mixed blues and boots that thunked with every heavy step he took. The man was broad, just a hair shorter than Jake, but not weaker by any means. And by the look on his pinched face, he was pissed.

“Where is she?” he all but yelled, and Maverick’s stumbling steps caught up to him as he replied.

“She just landed, it’ll just be a moment, Commander.”

Jake’s spine straightened unconsciously at the title, but the man didn’t seem to care who was around or who was listening as he stormed closer.

“Gwyn!” came Alec’s holler from the opposite direction.

Jake’s head swiveled to find Alec chasing her much like Maverick had chased the newcomer, desperately trying to match her pace.

If he thought the commander looked angry, it was nothing compared to the malice that poisoned Gwyn’s usually open and bright face.

“What the hell are you doing?” she sneered, chucking her helmet to the side as she stomped, coming almost toe to toe with the sailor, and Jake actually cringed at the way her voice rattled through the room.

A voice that was directed at someone several ranks above her.

Christ.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he fired back, hands on his side in a pose that screamed authority. Gwyn didn’t even flinch.

The tension in the room could’ve been sliced with a knife and every single team member who had gathered for drills watched the exchange like a tennis match, eyes bouncing back and forth and rapt with attention.

“What are you even doing here?” Gwyn hissed, and Alec eyed her nervously from where he was rooted just a few feet behind her.

“No, no, no,” the commander barked. “It’s not your turn to ask questions. I want to know what you’re doing. Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were at Top Gun? You didn’t think to call me and let me know?” his voice rose with each word, and Jake clamped down on the urge to step in. “I had to hear that you were not only here, but had graduated, from my fucking coworkers!”

“So you think it’s okay to drive down here and jump on my radio?” Gwyn shouted, throwing her hands up in a rage.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” her opponent pressed.

The young woman laughed in disbelief, gesturing to the space between them. “Look at how you’re taking it. Would you tell you?”

“I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with you,” the commander hissed. “I mean didn’t a kid die in this program a few years ago? And you thought ‘oh that’s perfect’? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I’m thinking I finished top of my class,” Gwyn raged, moving in closer now, getting a wary glance from Maverick. “None of this has anything to do with you.”

The sailor’s face deepened several shades, and Jake noticed Phoenix cringe beside him as the man practically roared at his team member. “It has everything to do with me!”

Hangman couldn’t help the small surge of pride at seeing Gwyn hold her ground so well against someone who made men cower for a living. A ridiculous feeling, but one he reveled in.

“How?” Gwyn shouted, more of a demand than a question. Jake’s ears were beginning to ring at the sheer volume, but he couldn’t pull his eyes away. It was like watching a plane crash that you desperately want to look away from, but watch in morbid fascination, eager to see what happens next.

“Because I love you!”

A stone dropped in his stomach.

Gwyn scoffed, putting her hands on her hips and perfectly mirroring the commander’s stance as he barreled on. “And when you love something, you tend to want what’s best for them. And this-” he gestured around wildly, “-is not necessarily what I think is best. It’s dangerous. It was one thing for you to enlist and just fly, but Top Gun?”

Jake had never considered the possibility that Gwyn had someone waiting for her at home. He had never stopped to think that there could be someone out there who saw the same obvious appeal in her that he did. Now being faced with it, watching an actual lover’s spat play out in front of him…

He swallowed down that now familiar pang of jealousy.

Because of course she had her person. No one that charismatic and alluring stayed single for very long, and Jake had been too naive in his blooming feelings for her to consider that she had already been plucked off the market.

Not the perfect morning, then.

Gwyn spun on her heel, heading back out towards the tarmac. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”

The commander huffed. “I don’t want to spend our first day together in months fighting. I’d rather talk this out now before we end up bickering at dinner.”

“Too bad,” Gwyn snorted, snatching her helmet from where it had skittered across the cement.

Jake watched Gwyn’s partner clench his fists, nostrils flaring. “Lieutenant Canadee, I am not asking you, I am telling you.”

Gwyn stopped a few feet away, shoulders tense and hand curled into a fist where it white-knuckled her helmet.

Then all hell broke loose.

Gwyn turned on him, quicker than Jake could process, striding to do him fast enough to charge him before Alec grabbed her forcefully by the arm. “What the fuck did you just say to me?” She was pushing against Alec who had now inserted his full body between her and the sailor. “You’re pulling rank? We aren’t even in the same division, dickhead!”

“Canadee!” Maverick chastised, seemingly without realizing it. At his voice, Cheek stopped bucking against her friend, but her eyes remained locked on the commander.

Rev’s hands were firmly planted against her chest as he spoke to the man over his shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, Mo, she has a fantastic flying partner. Real handsome guy,” he joked, trying to dispel the tension even though his voice was strained.

The man, Mo, broke his stare, and the look he leveled Alec with was venomous. “That doesn’t give me any sort of relief, Lieutenant Shaw.”

Alec’s face fell slightly and Gwyn was lunging again while he pushed at her shoulders. “Watch how you speak to him.”

Alec blanched, the pure panic in his eyes finally registering. “G, it’s fine. Just-”

“No, it’s not.”

“It’s fine, I promise-”

“I’m not going to let him-”

“Gwyn, I am begging you to just let it go and walk away,” he pleaded. “Please.”

Gwyn’s eyes were still steely, but she relented and turned to leave once more.

Mo scoffed. “See you at dinner!”

Alec’s hand grabbing the back of her suit was the only thing that kept her from turning around.

—--------

Drills came and went, Gwyn remaining silent throughout the entire day and stomping off once four o’clock rolled around. Jake tried not to envision her getting dressed for her dinner date, tried not to think about how she’d pick out something nice to wear despite her irritation, and how badly he wished he was on the receiving end of her efforts.

‘This is fucking stupid,’ he told himself. ‘Who cares that she has a boyfriend?’

‘Or a husband,’ came the reply in his head.

He wanted to throw up at the thought.

Jake Seresin had always been a jealous person. Vehemently so. Old girlfriends had teased him for it, but he had never minded it. He was man enough to admit that maybe he toed the line of being possessive, but it had never bothered him. Not like this.

She was in a relationship. Someone loved her. There was someone waiting for her at home, someone who cared so deeply about her that they’d risk her wrath just to keep her safe. Sure, Jake thought it a bit ridiculous for her partner to try managing her so closely, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that there was someone to try and manage her, regardless of how controlling it seemed.

It wasn’t his place to be angry. It wasn’t his place to quietly simmer at the man who had waltzed in and tried to outrank her feelings and aspirations because it wasn’t what he wanted. Jake knew it wasn’t his business how their dynamic played out, but he couldn’t help disliking the way Mo had spoken to Gwyn, the way he had tried to dictate her with such authority. He could understand being upset. Hell, Jake would even be upset if his girlfriend (or wife, he thought bitterly) hadn’t told him about shipping off to Top Gun. Maybe even livid. But he wouldn’t try to stop her. He’d never even dream of it.

It wasn’t about what he would do, though. Gwyn wasn’t his girlfriend (or fuck, his wife), and it wasn’t up to him how their relationship unfolded.

And besides, he had only known her for about two weeks. Two weeks was nothing compared to a relationship with someone in love.

He knew all of this.

It didn’t lessen the sting.

—------------

The Hard Deck was just as deafening as usual. Aviators and civilians alike crawling their way through and around each other filled the space, and God even the air felt sticky.

Gross.

Jake’s foul mood was absolutely to blame for the bitterness in his attitude, but he couldn’t be assed to care. He lost count how many times Rooster had ribbed him for glaring at anyone who brushed too close to the group, joking that the Navy had invested in guard dogs. Even biting back at Bradshaw felt like a chore, so he just let him ramble on.

Maverick had showed up not long after them, choosing to sit at the bar and longingly stare at the older brunette mixing drinks behind it.

A man in love.

How awful.

Jake was just starting to find amusement in the love-stricken face of his instructor when a bawdy cheer and holler tore his attention back to his team. Coyote had his arms raised in greeting before bringing them down to clap Alec across the back as the man stumbled in with a placated smile, Gwyn trailing closely behind him.

And behind her, the commander.

The elder had dressed out of his uniform, like the twins, opting for something much more casual. The way Gwyn pulled at the hem of her denim shorts snagged his attention, and fuck, he wished California wasn’t so goddamn hot so she didn’t wear those goddamn shorts that strung him out.

She was smiling, a complete switch in her scowl from earlier, as she shoved at Payback affectionately before turning to him. Her eyes lit up just a fraction, small enough that he questioned if he had imagined it, but she was walking up to him with a bounce in her step and wait fuck she was walking up to him.

“Hi,” she started, playing with her hands.

“Hi,” he responded and God he needed water or something.

He hadn’t expected to see her tonight. She was supposed to be off on some dinner date while he sulked around the bar until Penny kicked him out so he could drive himself home and wallow in his own misery for the remainder of the night. But now she was here, and this wasn’t part of the plan. He needed ample time to mentally prepare for her but now he was thrown right into the middle of her orbit, no lifeline or tapping out.

She already has someone who loves her.

Gwyn settled into the chair next to him, her arm brushing his as she settled her elbows on the high top table. A thrill ran through him at the contact and he wanted to flex his fingers so he could run them across her skin and see if it was as soft as it looked.

Jake wanted to tell her how pretty she looked in the low lighting of the bar. Or how he had memorized the curve of her cupid’s bow instead of paying attention during the team meeting. Maybe tell her that he hadn’t stopped thinking about her all day even when she wasn’t around and that his little crush was bordering on infatuation and that he had never dealt with this kind of feeling and how sick it made him to see her walk in with someone else.

“I thought you had dinner plans,” he said instead.

Her eyes softened, looking behind him at Mo quickly before turning her attention back to him. “I’ve had enough of him for the day, I wanted to hang out with you guys.”

Jake didn’t want to think what “enough of him” meant, so he just nodded instead. “So, you didn’t tell him about Top Gun?”

Gwyn tensed and he wanted to take the words right back, snatch them out of the air and swallow them whole just to wipe the soured look on her face away. “No,” she sighed. “I didn’t.” Her fingers played nervously with the cotton of Jake’s sleeve, a mindless gesture she didn’t seem to notice she was even doing, but fuck he did. He had honed in completely on the caress of her fingers through the fabric and almost missed her words altogether. “He’s just a worrier. I knew he’d be upset and try to convince me not to go, so I told him I had been stationed out in the Carolinas. I figured I’d tell him after I finished, but it looks like naval gossip beat me to the punch,” she laughed.

Jake swallowed. “He must care about you very much.”

Gwyn looked at him, almost through him, when she smiled. “Yeah. He does.”

As if sensing the discussion surrounding him, Mo popped up behind her and slung an arm across her shoulders. “Lieutenant,” he greeted them with a small smirk.

Jake’s entire body was rigid. “Commander.”

Gwyn rolled her eyes, and this time, her fingers splayed across his arm completely and intentionally. “You don’t have to call him that.”

The man laughed, shaking her shoulder a bit where he held it. “God forbid someone has some respect around here,” he laughed as he detached his arm from her shoulders to offer his hand to Jake. “Mo,” he introduced.

“Jake Seresin,” he replied, gripping the hand held out to him a little tighter than necessary.

Mo’s eyes shifted, suddenly unreadable. “Hangman,” he concluded while pointing at Jake, and the callsign sounded accusatory. He nodded his head, glancing down at Gwyn while he continued. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

‘I’ve heard all about how cozy you are with my girlfriend,’ the unspoken words hanging in Jake’s head.

‘Or wife.’

Fuck.

The air was thick around them. Gwyn had taken to nervously glancing at Mo, some unspoken conversation passing between them until the commander detached himself with a small serpentine smile.

“Well I’m gonna go play pool. You two have fun.” And with that, he was gone.

Leave it to Jake to develop feelings (and God, even flirt) with a taken woman. He deserved to get his ass kicked thinking back on all the little remarks he had made to her in an attempt to “treat her like everybody else” and the urge to stand up and deck Maverick for the suggestion was overwhelming.

“Sorry about him,” Gwyn mumbled, fingers recoiling from him and no, no, no he wanted to beg her, come back. “He can be insufferable.”

Treat her like everyone else.

“Probably just checking that I’m not putting the moves on his girlfriend,” he swallowed, itching to flee to the bar and drink his sorrows away right next to his captain.

Cheek’s eyes flew to his face, searching for something before her lip curled. “Oh my God, what? No. No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

Husband, then.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“Mo’s my brother.”

Oh.

Shame pulsed at Jake’s temples at the immense relief he felt (fuck, he needed to get a grip). Gwyn was still sputtering at him, and he only half heard as she fake gagged.

“Christ, did you think he and I were dating? Oh my God, no. Ew.” She shook her head, brows completely pinched. “No, that jackass is alone forever as far as I’m concerned,” she mumbled while she played with the label on his beer.

He was her brother.

Brother.

Jake couldn’t help the grin that split his cheeks, staring at her openly and unabashedly as she ranted. He took the chance to rub the pad of his finger across the back of her hand while she talked, basking in the silk feeling until he spoke again. “I must have misread that, then,” he smiled, and he had never been happier to be wrong.

“Big time,” she laughed, eyes flickering to where his finger danced across her arm. “Besides, I don’t think any sane person would want to date me with as much as I have to move around. Not very appealing, huh?” she joked as she bumped her shoulder against his.

Single. She was single.

“You never know,” he grinned without trying, full and unguarded and he hoped she couldn’t see how completely taken with her he was.

She scoffed, but it held no malice. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

They certainly would.

Part 6

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itsclydebitches · 5 years ago

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RWBY Recaps: “Spark”

What’s the current mood? I would sell all future RWBY seasons for one episode of The Mandalorian.

Okay, I exaggerate. Overall this episode had some really great moments, just (per usual) tied up in a lot of awful implications. Which frankly is a step up from last week’s more overt nonsense, so I’ll take it. I’ve just got Space Dad Fever like the rest of the internet so whenever RWBY does something stupid my brain goes, “Why can’t you be more like Baby Yoda? With non-forced cuteness and consistent writing?”

Okay, okay I’m focused on the correct fandom. I swear.

This episode opens with Penny waking the group up extra early. Yang wants to know what time it is. “Time to be huntresses, of course!” Really, the contrast between, ‘I love my job’ and ‘But my job makes me get up at an ungodly hour’ is easily the most relatable thing RWBY has done this season. I was also just greatly amused by the animation choices with in-world implications. Like that Weiss sleeps with her giant braid in. Or that the group owns nothing except for the new clothes on their backs. I wondered after the Volume Six’s train scene if most of their luggage had been up front with JNR, or if they’d lost it all during the crash itself. We only see three bags as they make their way to the farm.

Did Oscar re-pack everything before they had to hightail it out of that burning, grimm-infested place? I don’t remember and I’m way too lazy to go check. Yang then loses her motorcycle. Who knows, if they did have stuff, whether it got onto the stolen airship. Doubtful. I mean, Weiss showed up with a massive amount of luggage, but that’s for hiding grandmas. Basically, what I’m saying is that I think the group showed up in Atlas, exhausted, and had to tell Penny they don’t have PJs anymore. Cue standard issue t-shirts and strange thermal-ish pants.

We then begin a montage of their different work. It starts out not with the missions they signed up for last episode but anything and everything connected to Amity Arena. Keep clearing out the mines. Protect resource transports. Fill in for the missing soldiers in Mantle, etc. On the whole I legitimately loved these moments showing the various relationships and life as a huntress in Atlas, with the exception of two scenes. The first is during the section where we see Blake and Yang working with Marrow, who makes the mistake of saying a) that they should consider partnering with other people sometime and b) pointing out that he’s not sure their styles are complimentary.

Look, I get it. A few hours after the episode dropped and tumblr is already exploding with GIF-sets of this scene, celebrating how Blake and Yang are so in love they can’t even stand Marrow suggesting that they might spend some time apart. From a shipping perspective it looks like gold and as someone who also ships them I’d normally be inclined to celebrate too. Except that this is a really unhealthy pattern of behavior. Marrow is right. The group should practice partnering with other people for the simple reason that this is a job and they may not always get to decide who they’re going to work with. It’s a job with endless risks and they may not always be able to control who they end up fighting beside, because when was the last time a plan actually worked right? The advice of ‘Hey. Don’t stagnant by only fighting with the same person 24/7’ is sound, especially in an episode already focused on training and progress. As is the innocent observation that their styles don’t seem to compliment each other. Marrow isn’t being cruel here. He’s not trying to insist he knows better and separate them based on that. He’s just making casual conversation---and gets this in response.

This scene would read completely differently if Blake and Yang were playfully smug after that attack combo. Then it becomes a moment of bonding where they’re correcting Marrow through a bit of teasing. Instead they’re legitimately mad. Mad enough that Yang’s semblance briefly activates. I’ve mentioned before that Yang has a tendency to think the worst of people and act violently towards them on instinct (Ozpin, bot in the street) and that Blake has a tendency to go wherever she leads, even when that makes no sense for her own characterization (siding with Yang’s anger over her own experiences as an abuse survivor). This is another example of that. Marrow gives them good advice and makes a casual comment? Immediate fury from Yang. Yang’s pissed off? Well I’m gonna be pissed off too. I try not to bring shipping too much into these recaps, but I do think it’s worth mentioning here. Big Blake/Yang fans have a tendency to paint everything they do as the most Romantic Thing Ever ™; anti-Blake/Yang fans have a tendency to make blanket statements about how their relationship is inherently unhealthy. But as usual the truth lies somewhere in between. They’re fantastic together, I think Rooster Teeth is setting up a relationship, and there are also aspects that are unhealthy. Not because it’s queer (which is the basis for most antis’ anger), but because the writing has them enabling their flaws in the name of “support.” Sorry, but if you can’t deal with someone making a comment as innocent as Marrow’s without beating up a grimm in fury about it... then you either need to work out that relationship insecurity or work on general anger management. Because Marrow didn’t deserve those cold looks and these two weren’t justified in receiving his panicked backpedaling. It’s one of those little things that presumably means nothing on its own, but combined with Blake and Yang’s entire development speaks volumes. Let them talk through Adam. Let someone call Yang out on her judgments. It’s ‘fine’ in situations like this; not fine in situations like Volumes 5-6.

The other part of the montage that didn’t sit well was another ‘joke.’ Just like I’m not inclined to view Yang and Blake’s anger as cutesy romance stuff here, I’m not comfortable brushing off Jaune’s interaction with the kids’ moms as a bit of humor. Yeah, maybe I’m “sensitive,” but was no one else creeped out by that? Jaune might technically be an adult, but he’s, what? Nineteen? So a junior in college. Maybe a sophomore. A young adult is what I’m saying. Is it possible all these women are also eighteen to early twenties (it’s so hard to tell ages with RWBY) and they just had their kids early? Sure. It is possible that these women all decided to become single moms, or divorced their partners, or are open to polyamory? Also sure. But let’s be real here, that’s not the joke. The joke is that a group of older, presumably married women are thirsting over the young, hot huntsmen. People would be more willing to admit that it’s not a great humor choice if RWBY had done that to one of the girls, but when a guy is the target it’s seen as a funny victory. Look at Jaune getting all that older, adulterous attention! As Nora herself says, “It’s totally the haircut.” (Even though that haircut remains atrocious, sorry.) The message is basically that if a guy is hot enough it doesn’t matter that he’s just trying to do his job, that he’s probably far younger than you, that you’re probably married... go gawk at him and give him gifts that clearly make him uncomfortable.

Again, I realize I’m being “sensitive.” It’s just a web series, just a stupid scene meant to generate a laugh, etc. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I simply don’t find that sort of stuff humorous. As a woman who has had much older men hit on me while I’m trying to do my job, I look at the same thing happening to Jaune and ask, “Why was this supposed to be funny again?”

But anyway, enough about all that. Other moments in the montage include Ruby and Yang fighting grimm together (presumably in their downtime. Nerds), Winter pretending to be unimpressed with Weiss’ summoning, and Ironwood telling Oscar that maybe they can “jog [Ozpin] loose” with a bit of training.

Yeah, remember how excited we all were that, based on the Volume’s opening, we would at least see Oscar training with Ironwood? Remember how we all thought that this would provide him with some much needed character development? That maybe this would be the moment when he struggled with and potentially decided to come clean about their lies? Or he tries to talk to Ozpin while sparing with an incredibly difficult opponent? You know, since Ironwood himself brought up jogging Ozpin loose, we might actually get some interaction with Ozpin?

Boy were we optimistic! What we actually get is them charging each other for one hit before we cut back to others training. Namely Jaune. And this right here is the problem with this entire episode: for however cute and wonderful these moments might seem, they’re all flat out ignoring the primary conflicts of the show. The ones the writing keeps refusing to grapple with. Who knows how much time this montage is supposed to cover, but it’s substantial. We get multiple flashes of different days, see the group working on different missions, a couple different moments taking place in the early morning, so I’d wager at least another week has passed. Combine that with however long it took Pietro to make their weapons and you’ve got the group fully entrenched in their lies. No one is questioning Ruby. Ruby isn’t making headway towards trusting Ironwood. Everyone is just kicking their heels, happy with the status quo until something forces them to finally make a decision. They now, officially, have no right to judge Ozpin for the time he took to trust people. We see them doing the exact same thing here and they’re all happy about it. With the exception of those two quick flashbacks in “Ace Operatives,” we’ve seen no evidence that the rest of the group is struggling with their own hypocrisy. I---like many---had hoped that Oscar’s training session would finally acknowledge and expand on the rest of the team’s initial hesitation. But no.

(In which Jaune’s expression is me.)

Jumping ahead just a bit, we see this same issue when Ruby, Penny, Qrow, and Ironwood are out driving the supplies. Ruby and Penny finally have some time to themselves! Will they discuss her murder and resurrection? Nope. Ruby vaguely references it with, “You know...” but there’s no actual depth to their conversation (and if you can’t even say ‘When you died’ that implies that maybe there are some lingering feelings about all this). Instead Ruby is interested in whether Penny has made new friends and she says that Ironwood claims she has no time for friends. Slot that in next to the Ace Ops’ ridiculous, “We’re not friends.”

Second, we have this moment between Qrow and Clover where they reiterate the huge gap between age and experience here. Clover is hoping that “another generation” will do right by Remnant after we’re gone. Namely Ruby and the others. Continuing with that age theme, he reassures Qrow that “those kids wouldn’t be where they are without you” which is all well and good, but is anyone going to tell THEM that? The adults don’t need to know that they’re doing good work---even if it is nice for Qrow to get some validation for once---rather, the whole “we don’t need adults” fiasco came about because the teens refused to acknowledge that work. We don’t need someone telling Qrow that he’s helped keep them safe. Overlooking some insecurities (which RWBY isn’t tackling anyway), he knows that. We as the audience don’t need to hear it because we saw it all happen on screen. Rather, Clover should be put into a position where he reminds Ruby of all that her uncle has done for her. Just like Qrow talking to Ruby about her motivations for moving forward against Salem doesn’t accomplish anything, Clover telling Qrow, as one adult to another, that they’re worth something doesn’t accomplish anything either. These parties know all this already.

As a side note, this is why you should mix things up. Not just so that Blake and Yang can practice fighting beside other people, but so that people who don’t already agree can be challenged for once. Put Yang with Qrow and have him comment on her anger, continuing Tai’s work. Put Ruby with Clover and let him talk to her about what adults have done to get her here. All these moments of potential development are lost by maintaining the expectation that the original partners have to be the priority. Rooster Teeth had an easy way of throwing new people together by assigning them various missions and they didn’t take it. Yang is still with Blake. Ren is still with Nora. Of course Qrow is with the one other guy his age who we have to pair him with. Reinforcing these relationships is great, but so is pausing them too.

And then there’s the drinking.

Hold up one second. I need to grab a bit of writing from my Volume 6 finale recap. Think back to Qrow and Ruby’s interaction in the airship:

And then Qrow lowers his bottle which… what? Alcoholism doesn’t work like that. Much more importantly, no one has tackled his drinking this season. Or the reasons he was drinking in the first place. Literally, Qrow’s semblance, his place in the war, Ozpin’s secret, none of it has been addressed. He has no reason to suddenly put aside his flask like he’s actually learned something. Does RT think we’re going to just imagine scenes that never actually happened?

After I posted this a couple of people pointed out that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. We’ve seen other times where Qrow goes to take a drink and then thinks better of it, so it’s a reach to assume he’s magically given up drinking now. Which, fair. Now though it looks like that’s precisely what we got. Sometime between being found passed out on the front steps of the Argus house and reaching Atlas, Qrow just decided he was done with drinking and thus far we’ve seen no evidence that he’s struggling with that. Meaning, it’s not a conflict he’s working through. That doesn’t seem to be his arc this volume.

Yet he’s an alcoholic. Qrow’s drinking may have functioned as a joke for most of Volumes 1-3, but Volume 6 made it abundantly clear that this problem is incapacitating for him, especially after learning about Ozpin and Salem. So what happened? What changed? Even if I choose to overlook Qrow just deciding not to engage with his addiction anymore without help or backslides that we know of (doesn’t work like that...), I can’t ignore the fact that there was no catalyst for this. If the show wanted us to work under the assumption that Qrow stopped drinking because it endangered his family then they should have had him stop after the farm. You know, when he was almost killed by Apathy and had to be dragged out by his nieces. As it is, his drinking continues on throughout their whole time at Argus. He’s not picking up his scroll. He’s passed out on the steps. He’s brushing past Ruby to go get a drink instead of helping them figure out a way past Cordovin. Then a day later they make it to Atlas. So what precisely in that 24 hour period happened to change one of Qrow’s defining characteristics? Or, if this is supposed to be an arc wherein Qrow attempts to get sober and struggles with it, why haven’t we seen that? Again, they’ve been in Atlas for weeks now. This isn’t a one day sober Qrow with a naively optimistic outlook. He’s apparently been managing this for a while now with no downsides, no difficulties, no regrets.

Blake and Yang getting mad at Marrow instead of acknowledging their trauma. Oscar taking one hit at Ironwood instead of grappling with their secrets. Ruby talking about new friends instead of the relationship she already has with Penny. Clover telling Qrow adults are important instead of anyone telling the teens that. Qrow revealing that he’s just not drinking anymore. For reasons. It’s amazing just how much space this episode provides for the characters to start working through their conflicts and we bypass every opportunity. This is RWBY’s primary problem. Beyond the pro-protagonist perspective is the issue that, especially since Volume 5, the show has made a habit of introducing intriguing problems and then either twisting them so they have simplistic ‘solutions’ (we don’t need to tackle Ruby’s hypocrisy. She’s just “different” from Ozpin) or ignores them completely. We don’t need a new friendship vs. professional relationship conflict. We don’t need a new luck vs. bad luck semblance conflict. Not yet anyway. Not until we work through the conflicts that have already been introduced. Let Ruby talk to Penny about their own relationship. Let Clover help Qrow get sober. RWBY is like me when I’m writing fic. Why would I finish the thing I started when there’s this shiny new idea over here? Except I’m engaging in a low-key hobby whereas they’re writing for their livelihood. For the love of everything, please solve the problems we already have before chucking in new ones. You can give us all the same moments and relationships, just tailor them so they acknowledge the things the viewers have been waiting for you to tackle. I don’t need to know why Ruby and her team are Super Special because they’re BFFs when everyone else in Atlas apparently rejects friendship like the plague. I do need to know why a guy who was introduced downing a glass of whiskey apparently got over his alcoholism off screen.

Ugh. You know what we need? Penguins. Everyone look at the penguins for at least five seconds and allow them to cleanse your soul.

Heading backwards, before the transport scene we get a training fight between JNR + Oscar and Neon’s group. I honestly wonder how a team like theirs feels about them getting their licenses. After all, they fought at the Battle of Beacon too. The only reason why RWBYJNR got into extra, life-threatening situations is because they stupidly went off on their own. I realize that duh, as a story we can’t just have our protagonists twiddling their thumbs, but from an in-world perspective Ruby snuck out of the house to hunt down a woman who would absolutely have killed her and 100% would have been kidnapped if Qrow hadn’t followed to keep her safe. Everything else stems out of that. So not exactly a classically heroic basis for special treatment. All of which Neon and Flynt presumably don’t even know about because it touches on all those secrets. I suppose they just heard something along the lines of, “I, Ironwood, am giving two Beacon teams early licenses because they survived a horrendous battle. You, my actual students, don’t get them even though you did the same work.” It could have been really interesting to have some tension over this and for the group to see another complication of their secret keeping. Here they have to keep Cinder, the Maidens, the Relic, etc. quiet... but because of that it leads to some pretty awful miscommunication between friends. There are repercussions to your secrets and not all of them are things you can plan for or fix.

We don’t have anything like that though. Obviously. Instead we just get a generic fight with a side of weird Nora/Ren stuff. Meaning, Neon calls him Nora’s boyfriend and asks, “Where’s that energy when he’s around you?” Later Nora asks if they’ll still get sandwiches before work and Ren heaves out an annoyed sigh.

That moment struck me simply because it doesn’t come across like one of his normal, happily indulgent sighs. Ren seemed legitimately annoyed. Which is even stranger when we consider that Nora isn’t being over the top here. Sure, she pops up behind him in a sort of silly manner, but really all she’s doing is expressing that she’s hungry after an intense battle. Can we please make sure we grab something before heading off to work? That’s a more than reasonable request.

Ren shutting her down over his hair. Seeming to ignore her when she fiddles with it while on patrol. Neon’s comment about his lack of energy around her. Nora getting mad enough about it to give her a black eye (RWBY so rarely shows injuries). Ren seemingly put out by her theatrics. They’re all little things that only seem to paint a picture when put together, but of what exactly? It’s like I said last time, if the show wants to introduce some sort of arc for Nora and Ren this volume it had better do it soon. Really soon. Details that may or may not be setup can only take you so far.

During this battle Ironwood smiles down at all their progress, which could be endearing or creepy, depending on whether you think he’s hiding something (more on that in a bit). Neon actually acknowledges Oscar’s existence and draws a blush out of him, so thank you for that, Neon.

I thought for just a moment that Jaune might compliment Oscar too, but he just compliments the other team instead. At least they’re letting him train with him. After last week’s episode I’ll take this small step forward.

Back past the talk between Qrow and Clover, we finally get to meet the infamous Robyn Hill. She blocks the road to Amity Arena with one of her Happy Huntresses, the same faunus who was spying on the project last episode. And who I forgot to mention in my recap. Whoops. I love Hill already though precisely because she’s able to do what our protagonists couldn’t last Volume: stand down when a plan fails.

Hill takes her shot by putting up the roadblock and asking Clover to be straight with her, but when that doesn’t work and it looks like they’re about to come to blows, she admits defeat and lets them through. That’s how you handle a tenuous ally. Keep the peace and regroup with a different idea. Show them basic respect so that they might help you in the future. Clover’s “good luck” regarding the election speaks volumes about how everyone does want to help each other, they just need to figure out a way to do it. Hill could have attacked the group and stood her ground purely because she believes she’s right---just as Ruby did with Cordovin---but she demonstrates her maturity instead. She didn’t risk lives for the sake of getting what she wanted right here, right now. Despite the fact that what she wants likewise involves the safety of the people. Take note, Ruby.

Speaking of, everyone catch that guilty look when Ruby learns that Ironwood’s project is taking resources directly from the city that most needs it? Yeah, what did you think was going to happen? At the very least the group saw that they were taking manpower away. Ironwood needs them to help protect Mantle because most of his men are off in the middle of nowhere, so the group is well aware that their actions are causing a negative impact. I highly doubt that the eight of them (including Qrow) can make up for however many people Ironwood is pulling out, to say nothing of the fact that many of them (like Ruby here) are also on Amity duty. They’re allowing Ironwood to put people, money, supplies, and time towards an endeavor that they know is bound to fail. Sure, it would be nice to have communication across Remnant without fear of losing that to the grimm again, but we all know Ironwood is primarily doing this because of the Salem situation. If he knew about her immortality he’d probably go, “Hmm. Well, the first part of the idea is still nice, but I probably shouldn’t pour this much into just a regular communications tower. Defeating Salem potentially justifies me hurting the people to get this done. But not anything else.” I’ll say it again: Ozpin’s secrets didn’t endanger anyone. Everyone from Pyrrha to Yang agreed to put their lives on the line for reasons entirely separate from Salem. Their lives were in danger from the start and, given their choices, always would be in danger. Ruby is the one whose secret is not just threatening all of Remnant in the future, but actively hurting people now too. She has the ability to stop this and she chooses not to.

Or rather, she chooses to keep putting off the decision. We’ll tell Ironwood when we’re ready. Yeah right. I still want someone to challenge Ruby on what this magical ‘He’s trustworthy!’ moment looks like. They’ve spent weeks with this man, fighting for him, training with him, accepting gifts in the form of weaponry, armor, facilities... so what exactly is it going to take, Ruby? I’m not saying Ironwood is trustworthy, I’m saying you can never know until the day they betray you. If that day comes. So when is Ruby going to acknowledge that? That she will never get that magical moment and that she’s just like Ozpin, putting off telling someone because the information weighs so heavily and there’s just too much to risk?

Hill thematically acknowledges the last two Volumes with, “It doesn’t have to be difficult. Just tell me,” while we all know it’s not that simple. Even if people would like it to be. Clover refuses, Penny spots two invisible huntresses closing in (nice), and as said, Robyn backs down.

We then end this episode with a long bonding session between Winter and Weiss. We see them fighting with their summonings and Winter comments about how, “You’ve grown up a bit, haven’t you?” We get it. You’re not subtle. Weiss has grown up. “Make no mistake. School is over.” They’re adults now! If only we saw that more than we heard it. Weiss at least is a character who has had legitimate, excellent development over the last couple of volumes. I’m admittedly a bit confused though regarding how that development aligns with the old Weiss. Meaning, we learned early on that she wanted to become a huntress to redeem the Schnee name. Now Winter is talking about how separating herself from the Schnees was the best thing to happen to her and Weiss seems to agree. So is that it now? Is Weiss just concerned with being her own person, or is she still invested in being a Schnee? Just a Schnee who embodies what her family used to stand for? It’s unclear based on the conversation.

Then. Ugh. They discuss Ironwood’s choices and Weiss snidely comments that, “Everyone thinks what they’re doing is right, but really they’re just looking out for themselves... and their secrets.” Yeah, Weiss. INCLUDING YOU. Are they really so dense that they don’t see how lying about how Ozpin disappeared was looking out for themselves, namely by making sure that Ironwood continued to embrace them with open arms instead of getting pissed? After all, it’s less likely that the group would have gotten a nice place to live, awesome weaponry, high-tech places to train, and early licenses if they’d admitted to their sins last volume. They’re also protecting their own secrets by spending these weeks nice and quiet, just ignoring the Ironwood problem completely. Weiss is protecting their secrets right now by encouraging Winter to question Ironwood’s intentions---subtly casting him and Ozpin in a bad light---while she herself is keeping secrets from Winter. I mentioned before that Ironwood’s smile could potentially be a bad omen if we follow the writing rule of, “If a character insists someone isn’t keeping anything from them... they’re definitely keeping something from them.” Winter’s belief that Ironwood doesn’t keep secrets from her sets up the expectation for the audience that he probably is. But we don’t actually know that yet. Weiss thinks Ironwood might be keeping secrets. Weiss knows for sure she and the rest of her friends are keeping secrets. Only one party is definitively guilty here, so I’m not sure why she feels entitled to act like she still has the high ground.

With Ironwood’s honor in question, Winter takes Weiss to see the Winter Maiden. We really don’t get to learn much about her except that she still looks young-ish (again: RWBY ages are hard) and seems to like to paint.

No one else can visit her---and thus we don’t hear the conversation---because Ironwood wants Winter to inherit the power. Okay. So that leaves us with a couple options now:

Older woman can inherit and Ozpin made a very iffy call in trying to foster that responsibility off on a First Year. Which is probably down to more writing concerns than Ozpin’s characterization. Meaning, you want to keep the conflict among the main cast, not bring in a random new character to do the volume’s Important Thing. So you set up Pyrrha as the Fall Maiden, even though in-world that looks like a sketchy decision. To say nothing of the fact that Rooster Teeth isn’t very good at setting down hard rules. What functioned as a limitation during Volume 3 can easily be wiped away in Volume 7. In the same way that we went from Qrow’s semblance being totally passive and range-based to “sometimes I can’t control it.”

Ironwood and Winter are assuming that Winter can inherit, but she’s actually too old now. They’ll be blindsided by this when the power unexpectedly goes to someone else.

Ironwood has convinced Winter that she can inherit but actually has some sort of other plan up his sleeve.

Really, my biggest takeaway is Winter’s speech about how she is choosing this. Regardless of whether fate forced her into a situation with only bad options. Regardless of whether others also want her to make this decision. It’s still her choice. 95% of the fandom needs to listen to that speech and then chuck Pyrrha into Winter’s place. Having only tough choices isn’t the same thing as having no choice. The fact that your choice coincides with what others want doesn’t lessen it. They both chose to take on this power and it’s wrong for others to trivialize that by claiming that the men in their life---Ozpin and Ironwood---manipulated them. It’s implying that they can’t make their own decisions. That making this terribly difficult choice doesn’t come down to their own strength. They know it’s dangerous, regardless of whether they understand every detail of that danger, and actively choose to take on that responsibility anyway. Because they want to do some good in the world. The fandom has worked its butt off to take that away from Pyrrha and I really hope they don’t do the same to Winter.

Although... the death flags. Yeesh but Winter looks like a particularly enticing target for the end of this Volume. What with talk of destiny and all... I really hope the series doesn’t go the route of giving every Team RWBY member one of the Maiden powers, what with Winter in a position to think about Weiss if she dies with the power, Raven in a position to think about Yang, and Cinder obsessed with Ruby literally all the time... yeah. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m personally more invested in ‘normal’ people managing the impossible through hard work, belief in themselves and each other, all that jazz. Not already overpowered people (at least in Ruby’s case) getting literal magic to solve their problems with. There’s so much more you can do with that.

Finally, Jacques comes online to spew a bunch of BS about how everything ever is Ironwood’s fault and he’s totally suffering just like everyone in Mantle.

Right.

As Winter says though, the lies are just enough of a “spark” to ignite an already pissed off populace. We close on an angry mob beginning to tear the streets apart. Guess we’ll find out next week how the group tackles that nasty problem.

Until then! 💜

Minor Things of Note

What was that sandwich gag? RWBY is really pushing the humor in iffy directions this volume.

I enjoyed Qrow and Clover playing cards though. What a mess with their semblances.

Also, I made us a poster:

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #rwby recaps

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rejectedusername-trashfics · 6 years ago

Text

A Bloody Switch: A Halloween One Shot

Summary: Gavin’s only been a vampire for a year and his parents don’t know that. They don’t like monsters nor magic and Gavin knows he needs to hide it. he enlists Lindsay’s help to make him look human again, but an accidental interruption causes a huge mix up.

Word Count: 5,171

Pairings: Gavin/Ryan

AO3

It had been one hell of a year-and-a-half for Gavin Free. First, he had started dating his coworker, Ryan. A few months after that, he had gotten kidnapped by a “clan” of weirdos with what he had assumed were costume fangs in their mouths. Turns out those “fangs” were real and the “weirdos” turned out to be real life vampires, and they bit Gavin to drain him of his blood.

Ryan was able to come to rescue him before he had been completely drained of his blood. Just before Gavin had passed out, he saw Ryan grow, ripping out of his clothing, sprouting fur and pointed ears, and turning into a humanoid wolf. When Gavin re-awoke, Ryan was by his bedside, ready to explain the situation. He informed Gavin that he had just been turned into a vampire. He also admitted that he was a werewolf and had been his entire life.

Gavin had a hard time believing any of that, until he was given a blood bag as food and told to drink it. When the blood tasted like one of the most delicious things he had ever drank, he started to believe that he really wasn’t human anymore. He had no idea how he would be able to work with the rest of the Achievement Hunters if he was going to be thirsting for human blood, but it turned out the rest of the Hunters weren’t as human as he though.

Geoff turned out to be a ghost, having died in the early 1900s and possessed a living doll ever since. Jack was actually a forest nymph, he could communicate with plants and animals and make them listen to his commands. Jeremy was an imp who had originally come Hell to cause mischief in Boston. He immigrated to Austin when he grew an affinity for Achievement Hunter. Michael seemed to be the only human, but his back was covered in magic protection sigils that were put there by Lindsay, who turned out to be a witch.

There was more magic at Rooster Teeth than he ever imagined, and he had been tied to the company for years. The people at Rooster Teeth were able to help Gavin cope with becoming a vampire and helped him transition into his new life. The transition had been difficult to deal with, having to give up food, wanting to drink from some of his coworkers, learning how to make his new fangs disappear, and dealing with the constant “wet dog” smell that Ryan had. It took quite a few months, but he was able to be normal again, or at least as normal as he could.

Ryan helped him through the transition as best as he could. He showed Gavin how to hunt for animals to quell is hunger, and the wo off them started going hunting together every full moon. The bond through hunting, and coupled with many more cutesy dates, made their relationship grew closer and stronger. The two of them thought that they could handle anything, together. Well, almost anything.

Gavin and Ryan came into work one morning. Gavin looked very nervous and Ryan was attempting to calm him down. “Gavin, it’s going to be okay,” Ryan said as he followed Gavin into the Achievement Hunter office.

“You don’t know that,” Gavin quickly replied as he sat down at is desk. “You don’t know how anti-magic and anti-creature they are! They’ll probably disown me!”

“Woah, what are you guys talking about?” Geoff asked from his desk.

“His parents are coming into town, this weekend, and he hasn’t told them that he’s a vampire,” Ryan answered for Gavin.

“I couldn’t visit them, last year, because I has just been turned into a vampire and I was still recovering. I already know they think magical creatures and monsters are ridiculous and probably won’t like it when their son is thirsting for their blood since he IS a monster,” Gavin explained.

“Gavin, we’ve talked about this. You’re not a monster.”

“Well if you’re so worried about hunting them for their blood, just make sure you’re already full on blood before you interact with them,” Jack offered as a suggestion.

“They’ll be staying at our house!”

“Try to keep yourself in control.”

“What does it matter if I can control myself, I don’t even look human!”

“Of course, you look human! Just paler and you have fangs when you’re eating,” Jeremy teased.

Gavin shook, nervously, and Ryan scowled at Jeremy. “You’re not helping,” Ryan said with a frown.

“I can try to control myself, but I need to at least look human!” Gavin explained in panic.

“You need to look human?” Michael asked.

“Yeah! At least I could pretend to still be human if I looked the part!”

Michael rubbed his chin. “Hm… I’ll talk to Lindsay. I bet she could whip up an illusion spell or something to make you look human again.”

“Really!? That would be bloody excellent!”

“Now that Gavin’s family drama is out of the way, I’m pretty sure you, dickheads, are supposed to be starting to film a Let’s Play. Or do I need to possess you all to get anything done?” Geoff asked.

“Geoff, you can’t possess multiple people at once,” Jack said.

Geoff’s eyes started glowing. “Do you want me to prove you wrong?”

Jack sighed and started pulling up the Let’s play that they were going to be filming that day. “We can start discussing what food we’re going to make for your parents, this weekend, Gavin,” Ryan suggested in an attempt to change topics.

“No more ‘Free family drama.’ Just videogames,” Geoff ordered. Ryan nodded an everyone got ready to film Let’s Plays for the day.

A few days passed and Gavin grew more nervous about his parents coming to town. The nervousness caused his normally chipper persona to be subdued and everyone was ready for Gavin’s parents to show up, already, so they could leave and Gavin would go back to normal.

It was the end of the week and Gavin’s parents were on their way to Austin. Gavin was extra jumpy that day because he still hadn’t gotten an illusion spell. He and Michael were filming a “Play Pals,” when Lindsay entered the recording booth. “Gavin,” Lindsay called out as she opened the door.

Gavin screamed and fell over in response. “Wow Linds, way to scare the shit out of him,” Michael replied with a scowl.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I have the illusion spell set up in he break room if you’re ready to look human again,” she explained.

“Really? Just in time since my parents will be in this evening! Let’s go!” Gavin said as he scrambled to get up so they could go cast the spell. They walked to the break room. Gavin was confused when he saw that the room was dimly lit with candles and had dark sigils scribbled on the floor. “Why does it look like you’re summoning one of Jeremy’s bosses?”

“I’m not summoning a demon. I’m using blood magic to cast the illusion that your heart is still beating. And arcane magic like this requires dim lighting and candles.”

“Ah. Well, when do we start?”

Lindsay nodded and motioned for Gavin to stand in the sigil. Gavin moved inside the sigil and Lindsay pulled out her spell book. “By Gavin Free’s blood I swear, Fire, Earth, Water, and Air. Bind the powers to his need, with magic-”

Ryan opened the break room door. “Hey Gav, your mom texted you to say they arrived early at JFK airport,” he said interrupting the spell.

“Ryan, what are you doing!?” Gavin squawked.

“Oh, is this the illusion spell?” Ryan asked as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him.

“His heart pumps and he does bleed!” Lindsay finished the spell.

The sigil glowed and the light enveloped Gavin. Lindsay and Ryan smiled in success. The light continued to grow until it touched Ryan’s foot. Ryan tried to back away from the light, but the light consumed him. Both Gavin and Ryan started to yell in pain. “Shit, shit, shit,” Lindsay yelped. She ran over to the light switch and flipped it on. She was going to try and erase the sigil on the floor when the glowing faded.

Gavin and Ryan stood there, wobbling. “Ugh, what the hell happened?” Ryan asked. Then, he got a whiff of the air and covered his nose. “Ew! And what smells like wet dog?” he asked in disgust? He stepped closer to Gavin and the smell got stronger. “Gross Gavin, I think that’s you!”

Gavin placed his hand on his chest, in offense. “Ryan, don’t be mean!” he felt something beating in his chest. “What’s this?” he felt his wrist and neck. “Ryan, I have a pulse, again!” he yelled, excitedly.

“Do you feel better about your parents coming into town now?”

“I feel so much better! I’m gonna go out to lunch with my boi to practice being human again.”

“You go do that, dear.”

“Cheers, luv,” Gavin said as he left the room.

“I’m glad that worked. Though I’m not sure if he can eat human food since his pulse is just an illusion,” Lindsay said.

Ryan placed his hand on his own neck. “This is the happiest I’ve seen him, all week.” Then he realized that he couldn’t feel his pulse. “Wait a minute.” He felt around his neck and felt his wrist. “Lindsay, I can’t find my pulse,” he said in a panic.

Lindsay rolled her eyes and grabbed Ryan’s wrist. She noticed that his skin was colder and she couldn’t find his pulse. The reached up and felt his neck. “Weird, I can’t find it either.”

“Maybe you’re not that good at finding them.”

“I’m normally pretty good at finding pulses since blood is involved with a lot of spells. Maybe it’s just because I’m too hungry to concentrate. it is lunchtime after all.”

“It is, isn’t it. Weird, because I’m not feeling as hungry as I normally do. Maybe the dog smell ruined my appetite. You spell like rosemary and sage, so maybe I need an herbal smell to clear out my synesis or something. I don’t know.”

Lindsay raised her eyebrows. Typically, only vampires thought that witches smelled like those particular herbs. “Rosemary and sage? Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m feeling unnerved because I can’t feel my pulse,” Ryan admitted.

A crazy thought popped into Lindsay’s head. “Okay I have a crazy stupid thought, but I need to read the spell book again to check something. I’m gonna go get you a glass of juice, then I’ll be right back. Just, stay right here.” she said as she left the room.

A few minutes later, Lindsay came back in the room and handed Ryan a glass of red liquid. She pulled her spell book back open and reread the pulse illusion spell she had cast on Gavin. One of the possible side effects caught her eye. “Hey Rye, do you have any cuts on you?” she asked.

“I got a paper cut this morning, why?” he replied as he took a sip of the liquid. “Mm, this juice is really good! It tastes like a combination of cranberry, pomegranate, and strawberry. What is it?”

“Oh no…” she murmured to herself. “B positive,” she answered Ryan.

“About the fact that I can’t feel my pulse? I mean, it’s disconcerting but I know I’m still alive. But seriously, what type of juice is this?”

“B positive!”

“Is that the juice brand? Okay, but what type-”

“IT’S BLOOD TYPE B POSITIVE, GODDAMMIT!” she yelled.

Ryan’s eyes grew and he did a spit take. “I’m sorry, WHAT?!” he yelped.

“I gave you human blood to drink,” she admitted.

“WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME HUMAN BLOOD TO DRINK?! AND WHY DOES IT TAKE LIKE DELICIOUS FRUIT JUICE?!” he yelled.

Lindsay sighed. “I reread the pulse illusion spell and it said that if it was interrupted by another being with an open wound, it could cause a species swap.”

“What?! Does that mean I’m a… holy shit…”

“Yes, it means you’re a vampire.”

“If I contracted Gavin’s vampirism, then how come Gavin’s human again?” Ryan asked.

“He’s probably not human.”

“But that means… oh fuck… OH FUCK!”

“You know what to do about werewolves better than I do.”

Ryan’s brows knitted together in a frown and he sighed. “Maybe the fact that he’s happy about having a pulse again will keep him from having an emotional shift.”

“We can only hope,” Lindsay offered. “

“Right. I’ve got about 4 hours until Gavin ang I have to pick up his parents from the airport… Wait,” he stopped as he remembered something else.

“What’s wrong now?” Lindsay asked.

“His parents weren’t happy when they found out he was dating me. And now I’m a vampire on top of that…”

“Oh… will that be a problem?”

“Hopefully not. I just have to manage a thirst I’m not used to… Jack said Gavin should just drink as much as he could so he wouldn’t be hungry when we meet them. So, maybe I should try that,” he thought aloud. He chugged the rest of the cup of blood.

“I know Jack had good intentions when he suggested that. But I’m not sure if it will work,” Lindsay said.

“Worth a shot,” he said as he ran out of the room and to the kitchen. Over the next hour, he drank as much from of the Rooster Teeth blood reserves as he could until he was too full to drink another drop.

As Ryan was resting his head on the kitchen table. Michael and Gavin entered the Rooster Teeth kitchen. “Hey luv, you ate lunch?” Gavin asked.

“Too full to move,” he replied, lazily.

“Yeah, I had a lot to eat, too.”

“Dude, you should have seen him. He ate, like, 4 foot-longs at Jersey Mikes,” Michael said.

Ryan nodded; it made sense since werewolves tended to eat a lot more than the average human. Then, he caught a whiff of something delicious. He looked up and realized that it was Michael that smelled so good. He licked his lips.

“Dude, why are you eying me up like a gourmet meal?” Michael asked.

Ryan gave Michael a sinister gaze, unsheathed his new fangs, and stood up. Then he was reminded of how full he already was when he started to move towards Michael and snapped out of it. “No, no, I can’t. If I drink another drop, I’m gonna vomit. And I don’t want to find out if vampires vomit.”

“Woah, what the fuck?! Since when do you have fangs?!” Michael demanded.

“Ryan honey, what were you on about? What happened to you?” Gavin asked, concerned.

Ryan sighed. “So, apparently when I walked into the break room in the middle of your illusion spell, I interrupted it. And since I had an open papercut, it caused some weird magic stuff to happen and… I contracted your vampirism,” he admitted.

“Oh, Ryan,” Gavin replied. He walked over to Ryan and squeezed him. “I know I’m still relatively new to vampirism, but I at least that know that vampires cannot vomit. Yeah, we can still gag, but we can’t actually throw up the blood we drink.”

“Good to know. And you were turned-”

“Back into a human, I know,” Gavin interrupted.

“Yeah, n-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you quickly learn how to control yourself around humans. Stage 2 was where I trained to get used to human smell, come on,” Gavin said as he dragged Ryan out of the kitchen. Ryan protested, but understood that it would be a good idea to practice extra control.

Gavin spent the next 2 hours helping Ryan learn how to control his thirst and getting him used to human smell. Ryan had tried to tell Gavin that the 2 of them had swapped species and that he was now a werewolf, but got interrupted by something. Ryan wasn’t able to tell Gavin by the time they had to go pick up his parents from the airport, so he could only hope that nothing would trigger Gavin to have an emotional werewolf shift.

Once the two of them got to the airport, Gavin moved into the back seat. “I’m going to sit in the back with my parents, ‘kay? It’s been too long and I’d like to catch up with them.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Ryan replied.

When they saw an older couple walking towards the car, the two of them got out. “Mum, Dad!” Gavin called out to get their attention.

“Gavi!” the woman, Gavin’s mum, called back. She ran up to Gavin and pulled him into a hug.

“How was the flight?”

“The flight was fine. The food was mediocre, but that plane food for you,” the man, Gavin’s dad, replied.

“Boy do I know plane food.”

Gavin’s dad turned to face Ryan. “And you must be Ryan Haywood. Charles Free,” he said, introducing himself and holding out a hand.

“Pleasure,” Ryan replied, taking his hand to shake. He shook his hand with his typical firm grip and the man’s forehead puckered. Ryan dropped his hand, immediately.

“That’s one hell of a grip, you got there,” he commented. Ryan stared at his hand, he had forgotten about the added strength that vampires possessed.

“I’ll, uh, help you by getting your bags in the car,” Ryan said in an attempt to get out of socializing.

“I’ll do that with you. Honey, you and Gavin wait in the car,” Gavin’s dad told his wife.

“Alright,” she replied.

“Come on, let’s go catch up,” Gavin said as he and his mum got back into the car.

“So… I’ll open the trunk…” Ryan awkwardly said, opening the trunk.

“Trying to get out of conversing with your boyfriend’s parents, I see. Because you know that they know the truth,” Mr. Free accused.

“The truth?” he asked as he placed one of the bags in the trunk.

“I did my research. I know that the Haywood family has deep ties with magic. The Frees don’t like magic and if you hurt my son with your evil magic, I’m coming for your head, you hear?!”

Ryan gulped. His ties with magic had already gotten Gavin hurt, gotten him turned into a vampire. And now more magic had gotten Gavin turned into a werewolf. “Loud and clear…” he nervously replied.

“Good! By the way, you could use a bit more sun,” Mr. Free said as he threw the other bag into the trunk and slammed the trunk closed.

Ryan also was aware that vampirism caused skin to be paler. He could only hope that Mr. Free wasn’t on to him. The 2 of them got back into he car and Ryan drove them to he and Gavin’s house. They unloaded the car and went inside. “So, it’s almost supper time. Did you have anything planned for us?” Mrs. Free asked.

“We were going to make Shepard’s Pie for you guys...” Ryan started.

“But the day got away from us,” Gavin finished, giving Ryan a look. Ryan knew that his face would have been flushing in embarrassment if it still could.

“Bah, we just left England. We don’t want British food,” Mr. Free replied with a scoff.

“Well, I think there’s frozen hotdogs,” Ryan said.

“Ooh, hotdogs sound really good right now. Though, I’m not sure how I’m already hungry after that big lunch I had, but oh well.”

“Right, I’ll get right to that…” Ryan said as he left the room and headed into the kitchen.

Ryan started to get to work on boiling hotdogs. He was happy for another distraction to avoid interacting with Gavin’s parents. And while they did smell good enough to drink, he was very glad that he had drank so much blood earlier. Though, he was starting to feel a bit hungry, again.

He attempted to listen in to the conversation that Gavin was having with his parents, though he noted that his hearing wasn’t as good as a vampire.

“Magic is very dangerous my dear,” Ryan heard Mrs. Free say.

“Yeah, it can be. But it isn’t dangerous most of the time,” Gavin argued.

“Your boyfriend has dangerous ties with magic. What if his dangerous magic hurts you?” Mr. Free asked.

“His magic would never hurt me on purpose.”

Ryan gulped and pulled out his phone. “Hey, Gavin’s parents are talking smack about me and Gavin’s trying to defend me. Could you be on standby if things go south and this triggers an emotional werewolf shift for him?” he texted Geoff.

“Shit, Lindsay told me about the accidental species swap. Yeah, I’ll be over in five,” Geoff texted back.

This was a lot for Ryan to deal with. He needed something to soothe his nerves. He went over to the fridge and pulled one of Gavin’s blood bags out of it. His fangs unsheathed and he bit into the blood bag, quickly draining it of its contents.

“Whatcha drinking?” Someone asked. Ryan looked up and saw that Mr. Free was standing there.

“It’s, uh, fruit juice?” Ryan answered, unsure of himself.

“Lemme see that,” Mr. Free stomped over to Ryan and ripped the empty bag out of his hand. “A-Negative?” he asked. Then he sniffed the bag. “You just drank a pint of human blood!”

“I-”

“YOU’RE A FILTHY GODDAMMED VAMPIRE!!” he shouted.

“Honey?” Mrs. Free asked as she and Gavin waked into the kitchen.

“Our son was tricked into ‘loving’ this bloody monster that’s going to kill him!”

“He didn’t trick me into anything!” Gavin argued.

“And I’ve only been a vampire for 6 hours!” Ryan said to defend himself.

“FRESHLY TURNED?! THAT’S EVEN WORSE!” Mr. Free shouted.

“Begone monster!” Mrs. Free shouted as she sprayed Ryan with a liquid she pulled out of her purse.

“Gah! What the hell are you spraying me with?” Ryan asked. Then he sniffed himself. “Garlic butter? Everyone know that thing about vampires being repelled by garlic isn’t even real!”

“Mum and Dad, stop!” Gavin angrily shouted.

“I don’t know if there are any wooden stakes around here,” Mr. Free paused and grabbed a steak knife from the counter. “But stabbing you with a knife will have to do,” he shouted as he began thrusting the knife at Ryan.

“GAH!” Ryan shouted as he dodged out of the way.

“Stop it!” Gavin shouted in anger, again.

“Gavin, we are bringing you back to England, this instant and re-educating you on the dangers and evils off magic!” Mrs. Free yelled, grabbing Gavin’s wrist.

“I said STOP IT!” Gavin growled as he ripped his arm away from his mother. Everyone looked and saw that Gavin’s eyes had changed from their usual hazel color, to bright yellow.

“Fuck! GEOFF?!” Ryan called out, unaware if Geoff had made it to their house yet. He quickly grabbed is phone and texted him to let him know that Gavin had started to shift into a werewolf.

Gavin gasped and gripped his head. He started to grow, getting taller and bulkier, starting to outgrow his shirt. Dark blonde fur started spouting all over his body His teeth elongated and sharpened, his snout stretching out a to form a wolf snout. His ears shifted to the top of his head and became pointed. Once the transformation was complete, a large, yet still slim, werewolf stood in Gavin’s place. Gavin furiously growled at his parents.

His parents screamed in fear as they were now being stalked by their werewolf son. Ryan tried to get in the way of Gavin to stop him from killing his parents. “Gavin, please-” Ryan was interrupted when Gavin swiped him out of the way. “GEOFF!!!” he shouted, again.

Geoff ran into the house. “Ryan, what happening. I just got here and,” he paused when he noticed Gavin in werewolf form, looming over his parents. “…Well, fuck.”

“Just help me get him away from his parents! I have some ideas on how to calm him down!” Ryan shouted.

“Please tell me those ideas aren’t sex related.”

“Just shut up and help me out!”

Geoff nodded and left his living doll body. “Mr. Ramsey?!” Mrs. Free shrieked as she saw Geoff’s body flop over. Gavin growled louder in response.

Gavin kept stalking forward, but furniture started flying at him. Gavin growled and swatted the furniture away, but more furniture kept coming. Gavin angrily growled as the furniture kept coming at him and his prey scooted away. Ryan marched towards Gavin, he and the furniture backing him into the corner.

When Geoff and Ryan had backed Gavin into the corner, Ryan held out his hand. “Ryan, what are you doing?” Geoff’s voice asked.

“I’m trying to calm Gavin down the way I like to be calmed down when I’m in wolf form,” Ryan explained.

He held out his hand and moved closer to Gavin. Gavin growled at him, but Ryan didn’t back down. Gavin relented and sniffed Ryan’s hand. It smelled like a familiar scent that he loved and trusted. Ryan slowly leaned forward and started petting Gavin’s shoulder.

“How we doin’, big guy?” Ryan asked. Gavin nuzzled into Ryan’s arm.

Geoff went back into is living doll. Ryan noticed and held up a finger to warn Geoff to stay back. Gavin started growling, again. “Hey, no,” Ryan warned Gavin. Gavin whined, apologetically. Ryan started scratching under Gavin’s chin. “Who’s a good boy?” he asked. Gavin tilted his chin to give Ryan more angles to scratch.

“Who want’s a belly rub?” Ryan asked. Gavin immediately flopped onto the floor. Ryan leaned down and began petting Gavin’s stomach. “You’re a good boy, Gavin. You did so well,” he cooed. Gavin shut his eyes, as he was finally calming down. Gavin began shifting back into his human form as Ryan continued to rub his belly’. Once Gavin was fully human again, Ryan lifted his finger to his lips to tell everyone to remain quiet.

“RYAN HAYWOOD, YOU TURNED OUR SON INTO A GODDAMMED MONSTER!” Mr. Free screamed.

“No, I can assure you that this whole mess was an accident,” Ryan tried to explain.

“You just wanted a werewolf to fight because of your creature rivalry,” Mrs. Free said.

“Oh no, that’s not what happened. Besides, that rivalry’s been dead for seventy-five years,” Geoff interrupted.

“We weren’t even talking to you! And how could you, Ramsey?! You knew how we felt about Gavin being exposed to magic!”

“It’s not my fault that I’ve been dead for a century and he started dating a werewolf.”

“HAYWOOD ISN’T A WEREWOLF, YOU IDIOT, HE’S CLEARLY A VAMPIRE!” Mr. Free shouted.

“Ugh,” Gavin groaned as he started to wake back up. “What the bloody toss just happened?” he asked no one in particular.

“You’re a goddammed werewolf and your boyfriend is a fucking vampire!”

“That’s… no,” Gavin paused and sighed. “Ryan’s the werewolf and I’m the vampire.”

“Gavin, what?” Mrs. Free asked.

“I have been a vampire for the better part of a year. Ryan’s been a werewolf his whole life and I just had no idea. I tried to look human again for you guys and while Lindsay was casting the illusion spell, Ryan unknowingly interrupted and apparently, we somehow swapped species. I didn’t even know I had become a werewolf until just now,”

“I tried to tell you, but everything kept interrupting me while I was trying to tell you,” Ryan said.

“So, you’re a monster, now, then,” Mr. Free growled.

“Vampires don’t really have to be monsters if they know how to control themselves,” Gavin said.

Mrs. Free sighed. “In control or not, they’re still monsters.”

“Mum…”

“And our son died the day he turned into one,” Mr. Free said as he curled his lips icy contempt.

“Dad, no…”

“Come on, honey, let’s get out of this disastrous place an away from all the evil magic,” he said as he marched out of the house. Mrs. Free followed him to the door. She took one last look at Gavin, shook her head, and frowned. She left the house behind her husband.

Tears welled in Gavin’s eyes. Ryan pulled him into a hug and began rubbing his back. “Shh, it’s going to be okay,” he said to calm Gavin down.

“Wow, I did not realize your parents were so shitty,” Geoff pointed.

This caused Gavin to start sniffling. “Geoff, you’re not helping!” Ryan said.

“I’ve… I’ve be afraid of my family reacting like that ever since I turned. But becoming a vampire helped me connect better with everyone here, so I almost forgot I was scared. I should have stayed scared because I had every reason to be,” Gavin admitted through his tears.

“Gavin, sweetheart, no, you never needed to be scared of your family. Your family is right here and they love you, not matter what. They’ll always be here to support you no matter how many twists and turns life make us go through. And I love you, no matter what.”

“Daw Rye-bread, I love you too.”

Ryan started leaning in and Gavin leaned in, as well. their lips met in the middle for a sweet and gentle kiss They pulled each other close and latched onto each other an they continued to kiss.

“Hey, I thought your ideas for calming him down didn’t involve sex stuff?” Geoff asked.

Ryan and Gavin broke apart. “Geoff, that wasn’t foreplay. Gavin’s in no condition for sex, tonight, and I’m not up for it, either, honestly,” Ryan said.

“God, I feel like my chest, my back, my everything is sore. And I feel so bloody exhausted,” Gavin explained.

“See, now you can understand why I need a day to recover after full moons. But transforming into a werewolf probably hurt worse for you since it was your first, and hopefully ONLY, time.”

“Please get Lindsay to fix this, tomorrow. I don’t want to be a dog, anymore,” Gavin said to Geoff.

“And, I’m not sure I want to be a leech anymore, either,” Ryan said.

Gavin gently swatted at Ryan’s chest. “Don’t be a knobhead.”

“I’ll make sure Lindsay comes over to fix this, tomorrow,” Geoff replied.

“Thank you,” Ryan said.

“I’m going to head out. You 2 had a ruff day and deserve some rest.”

“Thanks Geoffrey,” Gavin said.

Ryan and Gavin waved Geoff goodbye as he left. “So, you ready to go to bed?” Ryan asked.

“Actually, I’m feeling pretty hungry. Can I get something to eat before I pass out?”

“Actually, how about I put you in bed and bring you some of the hotdogs I cooked earlier, they might be a bit cold, but they should be safe to eat.”

“Hotdogs sound top, right now. Thanks, Rye-bread.”

Ryan scooped Gavin up to carry him to bed. Gavin nuzzled into Ryan’s chest as he walked. They both knew that no matter what disasters the 2 of them had to face, they would be strong enough to face them as long as they had each other.

#A Bloody Switch #ragehappy #freewood #halloween one shot #monster au

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dfroza · 4 years ago

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Today’s reading from the ancient books of Proverbs and Psalms

for April 30 of 2021 with Proverbs 30 and Psalm 30, accompanied by Psalm 42 for the 42nd day of Spring and Psalm 120 for day 120 of the year

[Proverbs 30]

The Words of Agur Ben Yakeh

[God? Who Needs Him?]

The skeptic swore, “There is no God!

No God!—I can do anything I want!

I’m more animal than human;

so-called human intelligence escapes me.

“I flunked ‘wisdom.’

I see no evidence of a holy God.

Has anyone ever seen Anyone

climb into Heaven and take charge?

grab the winds and control them?

gather the rains in his bucket?

stake out the ends of the earth?

Just tell me his name, tell me the names of his sons.

Come on now—tell me!”

The believer replied, “Every promise of God proves true;

he protects everyone who runs to him for help.

So don’t second-guess him;

he might take you to task and show up your lies.”

And then he prayed, “God, I’m asking for two things

before I die; don’t refuse me—

Banish lies from my lips

and liars from my presence.

Give me enough food to live on,

neither too much nor too little.

If I’m too full, I might get independent,

saying, ‘God? Who needs him?’

If I’m poor, I might steal

and dishonor the name of my God.”

* * *

Don’t blow the whistle on your fellow workers

behind their backs;

They’ll accuse you of being underhanded,

and then you’ll be the guilty one!

Don’t curse your father

or fail to bless your mother.

Don’t imagine yourself to be quite presentable

when you haven’t had a bath in weeks.

Don’t be stuck-up

and think you’re better than everyone else.

Don’t be greedy,

merciless and cruel as wolves,

Tearing into the poor and feasting on them,

shredding the needy to pieces only to discard them.

A freeloader has twin daughters

named “Gimme” and “Gimme more.”

[Four Insatiables]

Three things are never satisfied,

no, there are four that never say, “That’s enough, thank you!”—

hell,

a barren womb,

a parched land,

a forest fire.

* * *

An eye that disdains a father

and despises a mother—

that eye will be plucked out by wild vultures

and consumed by young eagles.

[Four Mysteries]

Three things amaze me,

no, four things I’ll never understand—

how an eagle flies so high in the sky,

how a snake glides over a rock,

how a ship navigates the ocean,

why adolescents act the way they do.

* * *

Here’s how a prostitute operates:

she has sex with her client,

Takes a bath,

then asks, “Who’s next?”

[Four Intolerables]

Three things are too much for even the earth to bear,

yes, four things shake its foundations—

when the janitor becomes the boss,

when a fool gets rich,

when a prostitute is voted “woman of the year,”

when a “girlfriend” replaces a faithful wife.

[Four Small Wonders]

There are four small creatures,

wisest of the wise they are—

ants—frail as they are,

get plenty of food in for the winter;

marmots—vulnerable as they are,

manage to arrange for rock-solid homes;

locusts—leaderless insects,

yet they strip the field like an army regiment;

lizards—easy enough to catch,

but they sneak past vigilant palace guards.

[Four Dignitaries]

There are three solemn dignitaries,

four that are impressive in their bearing—

a lion, king of the beasts, deferring to none;

a rooster, proud and strutting;

a billy goat;

a head of state in stately procession.

* * *

If you’re dumb enough to call attention to yourself

by offending people and making rude gestures,

Don’t be surprised if someone bloodies your nose.

Churned milk turns into butter;

riled emotions turn into fist fights.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 30 (The Message)

[Psalm 30]

I give you all the credit, God—

you got me out of that mess,

you didn’t let my foes gloat.

God, my God, I yelled for help

and you put me together.

God, you pulled me out of the grave,

gave me another chance at life

when I was down-and-out.

All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God!

Thank him to his face!

He gets angry once in a while, but across

a lifetime there is only love.

The nights of crying your eyes out

give way to days of laughter.

When things were going great

I crowed, “I’ve got it made.

I’m God’s favorite.

He made me king of the mountain.”

Then you looked the other way

and I fell to pieces.

I called out to you, God;

I laid my case before you:

“Can you sell me for a profit when I’m dead?

auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?

When I’m ‘dust to dust’ my songs

and stories of you won’t sell.

So listen! and be kind!

Help me out of this!”

You did it: you changed wild lament

into whirling dance;

You ripped off my black mourning band

and decked me with wildflowers.

I’m about to burst with song;

I can’t keep quiet about you.

God, my God,

I can’t thank you enough.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 30 (The Message)

Book Two

[Psalm 42]

For the worship leader. A contemplative song of the sons of Korah.

My soul is dry and thirsts for You, True God,

as a deer thirsts for water.

I long for the True God who lives.

When can I stand before Him and feel His comfort?

Right now I’m overwhelmed by my sorrow and pain;

I can’t stop feasting on my tears.

People crowd around me and say,

“Where is your True God whom you claim will save?”

With a broken heart,

I remember times before

When I was with Your people. Those were better days.

I used to lead them happily into the True God’s house,

Singing with joy, shouting thanksgivings with abandon,

joining the congregation in the celebration.

Why am I so overwrought?

Why am I so disturbed?

Why can’t I just hope in God?

Despite all my emotions, I will believe and praise the One

who saves me and is my life.

My God, my soul is so traumatized;

the only help is remembering You wherever I may be;

From the land of the Jordan to Hermon’s high place

to Mount Mizar.

In the roar of Your waterfalls,

ancient depths surge, calling out to the deep.

All Your waves break over me;

am I drowning?

Yet in the light of day, the Eternal shows me His love.

When night settles in and all is dark, He keeps me company—

His soothing song, a prayerful melody to the True God of my life.

Even still, I will say to the True God, my rock and strength:

“Why have You forgotten me?

Why must I live my life so depressed, crying endlessly

while my enemies have the upper hand?”

My enemies taunt me.

They shatter my soul the way a sword shatters a man’s bones.

They keep taunting all the day long,

“Where is He, your True God?”

Why am I so overwrought,

Why am I so disturbed?

Why can’t I just hope in God?

Despite all my emotions, I will believe and praise the One

who saves me, my God.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 42 (The Voice)

[Psalm 120]

I’m in trouble. I cry to God,

desperate for an answer:

“Deliver me from the liars, God!

They smile so sweetly but lie through their teeth.”

Do you know what’s next, can you see what’s coming,

all you bold-faced liars?

Pointed arrows and burning coals

will be your reward.

I’m doomed to live in Meshech,

cursed with a home in Kedar,

My whole life lived camping

among quarreling neighbors.

I’m all for peace, but the minute

I tell them so, they go to war!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 120 (The Message)

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