#but alice has been living in my brain rent free

[praetoravila]

the lost child

taglist: @purecommemasolitude @helaenaswife @nolanhollogay @witchofinterest

[crystallizsch]

hello i am once again thinking about grim, and by extension the heartslabyul duo because if there’s anything else that lives in my head rent-free it’s how the main four are as close as friends as they are throughout the entire game so far.

(help this ramble became longer than i intended)

-> i know it's a pattern that the previous dorms help out in the next book which means once book 7 ends, we’re assuming book 8 would be about ramshackle(?). which means it’s diasomnia’s turn to have a big role in the following dorm. -> but it got me thinking. throughout the books, heartslabyul (specifically adeuce) is always present somehow. no matter how much screen time they actually have and how relevant they are to the conflict at that time. (actually i think something similar could be said with diasomnia but i want to focus mainly on adeuce) -> throughout the books, we're just set up with how good of friends the four are. the prologue, books 1 and 2 start to develop the four's chemistry together, and by book 3 we get one of the first signs that yuu cares about these three to the point they're willing to risk it because their dumbasses decided to sign a deal with azul. -> in book 4, while adeuce didn't have much involvement, i believe twst JUST hammers home that all four of them are friends friends. we are shown how ace and deuce went through all the trouble of transportation DURING THE HOLIDAYS because they thought yuu and grim were in trouble. like they could've easily just went "hey it must have been nothing" but they were worried enough to go check on them, not even thinking that someone else could've had handled it already.

-> since the pattern was that the previous dorm helps the next dorm, why does it seem like in book 5 it seems that heartslabyul, or at least, adeuce has as much of a big role as scarabia? the scarabia duo was there to notice the signs with vil but it was deuce who dealt the last blow to him. (honestly i don't remember much but i don't know how much help scarabia even helped pomefiore other than being in vdc hhh) -> so then it made me think, huh. it's like twst is setting up that these two will be more important than we think and will definitely not be going away soon. -> and then THE END OF BOOK 6. ouughh the end of book 6. their reunion just solidified for me how much they all care about each other. adeuce were not prompted by a direct "we're in trouble, help us" text this time. they just found out yuu and grim were somewhere in danger and it agonized them that they could do nothing about it but wait and hope they're safe. -> book 7 finally we're back to finding out ways to help yuu get home. and since they're all admittedly close friends (dare i say found family) at this point without explicitly stating it, i get the vibes of "we'll help you get home because we care about you but we're not going to think about the depressing possibility we might never see each other ever again".

-> so very abrupt transition;;; this led me to thinking about the overall “alice in wonderland” theme throughout twst. -> is that why adeuce has been with us this entire time? to remind us of that theme? we are in twisted wonderland after all. (I'm not really sure about the thought of yuu being alice but it's an interesting one to consider too) -> to tie in more with the alice in wonderland theme, i'm briefly going to go back to diasomnia. in book 7, there's like a theme of dreams. in fact, throughout the game it was all about dreams and visions and stuff. and in book 7 we're just diving into it. -> and in the story of alice in wonderland, there seems to be the implication that everything that happened in wonderland was just based on a crazy dream that alice had. like we don't know if anything was ever real. (i'm not really a fan of the "it's all a dream" twist but the connections got the gears in my brain turning) (also mickey must be relevant too but i have no thoughts about the implications of his existence at the moment 💀) -> i know we're not done with diasomnia's book but it seems to be set up as a catalyst for something bigger along the line (thinking about the possibility that there is even something bigger than a malleus overblot is very wild to say the least)

-> SO ANOTHER abrupt transition but still related, i thought about the parallel between the "overblot grim" in the beginning of the game and the "jabberwock(y)" in alice in wonderland. they're both chimera-like creatures that are like the final bosses or something. -> and what if a way for yuu to "go home" is to "slay" the jabberwocky (or in this case the overblot grim) just like in the story of alice in wonderland / through the looking glass. -> there's theories i believe that ace is set up to be some kind of "trump card" based on his name and the fact his unique magic isn't revealed yet. but also i want to add deuce in there too remembering how he held a big role in stopping vil in book 4 like some kind of foreshadowing. -> maybe the main role diasomnia will have is only about all these dream shenanigans. and i'd like to think instead that at the end of the day, this conflict with an overblotted grim is ultimately between our main four. some representations based off alice in wonderland. -> going full circle, is this why we have been shown so much of the friendship between all four of them? to establish this possible eventual conflict? and to make it harder for us to choose about "going home"? do we even get the choice?

do we "slay" the jabberwocky or will we decide to stay in this seemingly dreamlike fantasy wonderland instead?

[chibigaia-art]

alimelly comic? 👁️👁️

ok unfortunately it wouldn't pass the bechdel test because they'd have to talk about norton and orpheus BUT melly's 2023 bday letter combined with the unsent note we got in the 2022 one have been living rent free in my brain for too long. Like, she really really wants to keep Alice safe, she warns her about the other two, but at the same time ykno, the whole "I need to win the game and keep my murder a secret" thing would probably make her a bit conflicted about it, ig? or maybe not?

also the fact that she calls Alice "Ms. De Ross" in the unsent note but so far in the story Alice has been using a fake name,,, so that means she probably trusted Melly enough to reveal her identity at some point before the game................................... ok ykno what maybe I have more than one alimelly comic to draw

[magnetarmadda]

Mad what r your 5 top book recs :0! The ones u wish everyone would read or the ones you read again and again or the ones u just couldn’t put down 👀

Sorry bee for taking forever to get back to you!!! But also, this is the hardest question I’ve ever been asked in my whole life (including all the questions at my dissertation defense) soooooooooooo

These are in no particular order and I may in fact cry if you ask me why I picked them, because it was not easy

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore - I genuinely do not know how to describe this book, because it lives in its entirely rent free in my head. It’s queer, it’s trans, it’s fantasy, it’s magical, it has the most gorgeous prose. Honestly, I’ve yet to read anything from this author I haven’t liked, and I continue to buy everything they publish on its release day

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold - I first read this book when I was way too young, but honestly, I don’t regret it. I’ve got a deep and abiding love for unusual ghost stories and murder mysteries now because of it. Susie Salmon was murdered, and she tells us the story of how her family dealt with the aftermath, what their future looked like, and how her murderer was finally brought to justice

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman - This book fundamentally rewrote my brain chemistry when I was a kid, and I’ve never been the same. A boy’s family is murdered in their home, but he’s spared, and he’s raised by ghosts in a graveyard

The Princess Bride by William Goldman - It’s high adventure, it’s fantasy, it’s fairy tale, it’s comedy, it’s fake history, it’s real drama. Honestly, this book is a wild ride, and it does a great job trying to gaslight you into believing Florin and Gilder are real countries, and ngl that’s a solid 25% of the reason I love it so much lol

The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova - What if Dracula were real, and he’d had an impact on history? What if he knew your mother? What if he kidnapped your father? What if you had to find out what happened next? This book is lyrical and deep and absolutely rich in history, and the story is captivating

[elrond-kind-as-summer]

Rules: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

Tagged by: @elrondscalaquendi <3 Thanks for thinking of me!

Relationship Status: Very, very single, but I've got the best friends I could ask for, so it's fine lol

Favorite color: Blues and purples, especially lavender.

Songs I have currently repeated in my head:

(Actually this whole album has been living rent-free in my brain since it came out, 100/100)

Life is scary, let's party, one of the best song types!

Okay hear me out, this is actually a banger. This artist just put out a whole Disney cover album, I'm not a Disney music person by default, but I do recommend it!

Song I lasted listened to:

Favorite foods: Pasta!!! I'm also eating a lot of yogurt rn, but I think that's more of a survival food than an actual favorite tbh.

Last thing I googled: "Drawfee Show Twitter," "free daily web games," "mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors" (a really good article about diversity in children's literature!), and "evil bong."

Dream Trip: I have so many, but it's cold and gross where I live rn, so Hawaii sounds really lovely.

Tagged (no pressure!): @onethousandfallingstars @harvestedskeleton @more-than-slightly-obsessed @stompandhollar @thesilmarilchick @elentarial @what-on-middle-earth @elronds-pointy-ears @runawaymun @alices-halcyon & anyone who wants to do this <3

[dulcewrites]

oh my god fmo!aemond would be the type of person to have a madonna whore complex wouldn't he 😭 now im even more excited for the next part and to find out if the way in which he considered alys had changed (before daemyra entered the picture) when he fell in love with her or when she became pregnant. like i think he would still see reader and alys being stationed on two different levels except they Would have something in common now.... alys' side of things is sooo interesting to think about too (especially since we haven't officially met her yet and if it really turns out she had been planted by daemyra). unlike reader, she's allowed to cross that line of using her charms to get what she wants in a more direct way and probably does find some pleasure in it (or rather has come to) but surely not without it causing her some serious damage due to being a bastard servant and it maybe being her only her means to survive in the world. also it adds another layer to what you've said before about both her and reader fixating on each other and craving what the other has and all of it has me wanting to Scream because theyre all so fucked up and i love themmmm. PLEASE don't stop sharing fmo web weavings/meta posts, they absolutely bright up my day💌

It definitely would have been interesting to see if he changed with her apparently being pregnant. Would it have been “easier” because alys would not be around the reader is. Or bc he thinks the child was made out of love. Would his brain get fucked up again bc alys is now a mother, and he can’t wrap his head around a mother engaging in things they do. Like you said, would they be on the same level now as caregivers of his children… fulfilling a duty now.

I think it’s why hearing that news literally sends reader into labor. If she isn’t making her husband happy, if he isn’t having sex with her… and now he is having children with other women. In her mind, she’s thinking what even is my purpose here.

The differences similarities between reader and alys live rent free in my head too. I kind of see them as Alicent and Rhaenyra in the sense that it is possible for them to be victims and perpetrators in a patriarchal society… bc most women (myself included) are both at times.

Alys clearly is a victim in how she’s been treated as a bastard and then of course a woman. Sort of similar to Rhaenyra, I see her maybe making not great decisions as a mean to survival. It is not her (or Rhaenyra’s) job to uplift other women (though ryra obviously has more power to do that) especially when she is just trying to survive…. but in they also may feel the need to step on some toes to achieve semblances of power/freedom. She thinks of reader and sees someone who has live a very privileged life, especially compared to her, and she’s not wrong. But with that privilege comes a certain level of rigidness that alys probably wouldn’t like.

Just like reader can be a victim in her marriage, and basically being degraded by her mother growing up. Told that her wants and needs are secondary. She ~knows~ her role and place. But she can be a perpetrator with internalizing that and project that onto other women. She probably thought some very… not nice things when she found out the woman Aemond cheating with was an older bastard woman. Fmo is a story about cheating, and the targs being messy. But also reader reevaluating ideas of patriarchy (even if she doesn’t have that word in her head as a medieval woman).

Alys and reader are sort of everything each other want to be but also nothing they want to be… it’s interesting and fucked up

[davishater]

I'm glad you liked my thoughts on soft winter 😌 for my next trick I propose winter & physical touch/quality time. This thought has been living in my mind rent free! I can totally imagine winter just loving spending time with someone she likes. I also think she would like just like being close to someone. I saw u mention the idea that winter re-braided Alice's hair after she got egg on it bc it looked much neater in the first flashback and i couldn't get it out of my head since. This got me thinking that she would just casually fix someone's hair/help style it etc so imagine "sitting in winter's lap while she brushes ur hair". Like the casual intimacy of it all is sending me!!! Ooooo also also!!! Baking with her? Yes! (please expand on this thought for me bc my single braincell can't go into detail.) Also this is more of a british thing but if you know the show "great british bake off" I can just totally see myself dragging her to watch it with me. It just fits this scenario so well lol. Bonus points for watching it while cuddling, wrapped in blankets in front of the tv and eating the cookies we made! (Conclusion: I am soft AND whipped).

Pffft, yup, I am now a giggling mess!!!! 😆 "For my next trick..." Lolol, I just adore you! 😂 So I know this is the longest it's taken me to respond, BUT you had me thinking and then it started raining and I immediately went to, Winter and lover (me.... It's me.... I'm admitting it..... 😳) playing in the rain and then it turned into a café trip to get warm/dried off and then it just kept going and OH BOY DO I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU!!!!!! ✍️ Not right now though, I'm still writing it and I'm hoping for it to be pretty long (not as long as my 2,000 word story of Hutter and Chelsea but still pretty long. We'll see where it leads.).

Bruh, when do I NOT think about quality snuggle time with Winter????? For 7 weeks, when I'm not working, I'm laying in bed/on the couch with a horrid concussion! What else am I gonna do????? If someone hangs onto me for too long, then I get claustrophobic, so I'm also the kind of person who enjoys being in the presence of the person they like. I feel like Winter would also have a time limit on snuggles, cause she wouldn't want to feel tied down for too long. I've also been sleeping a lot, but head canon that Winter sleeps for a hobby, soooooo we just chillin' in dream land together, my dude! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh yeah! I got the idea of Winter redoing Alice's hair, cause I picture Winter helping me style my hair, so she'd touch it a lot. I've also thought about Winter washing my hair for me (but at the same time, I accidentally imagine Winter being taller than me, but she's most likely shorter, so washing my hair for me ain't gonna actually work.... 😭 The only reason I'm hating being tall.....) And just her fingers lingering in my hair longer than normal, and just being super gentle, cause my scalp is very sensitive, and just enjoying the softness of my hair as she's washing it. Uhhhhggg!!!! Definitely thought about this many times before you said anything! 🙈 (Actually, I've written a story about Winter bathing with someone she likes, but it was before I had a grasp on her personality, so it's meh.... 🫤"

I've ALSO thought about baking and cooking with Winter. 👀 Whenever I have the strength to make something, I either imagine Winter helping me, or yelling at me to go and sit down..... 😃 See? I'm not the very best at taking care of myself...... 😬 I can expand on Winter and lover baking together, but then my mind is going to go there and I'll be less likely to finish my current story, so at some point I definitely will let my brain go there for you.

I told myself I wasn't going to get into that show, BUT GUESS I GOTTA NOW! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Imagine Winter and lover doing their own version of the show???? Or trying to bake what they bake in the show (oh no, crap! My mind is just automatically going there! Stop! Go back! Turn around! I said rain and cafe story, not baking together!!!! Ahhhhh)???

[trickstarbrave]

babbling ideas under the cut that live rent free in my brain

>scifi plot that centers begins on an almost idyllic island village with the main character being named "alice". one of many alices actually, as we learn her village has a special ritual to ensure a singular alice is born every generation and a new one born if they die for whatever reason. when the water levels begin to drop and storms get too violent though the high priest takes alice underground beneath the village church to tell her about why they need an alice: to destroy a great evil that will come to threaten the world. and also where it gets revealed this isnt a fantasy story but a scifi one.

alice is given a bunch of cool scifi gear (think star wars aesthetics roughly) only she can use including a hover bike to traverse the ocean to get to a massive cyberpunk city. where on all advertisements and holograms in fancy stores and even ai programs she sees: herself. various versions of a woman who looks just like her with different outfits and hairstyles but all called "alice". after finding a mechanic (some scruffy orphaned boys in the lower sections of the city) to help her repair her bike we learn the great evil she's been tasked to destroy is the immortal man who runs the city. all of the 'alice's were made by his corporation and even the boys are shocked to see a real actual human woman who looks and talks like an alice and are shocked shes not a hologram or something.

i dont have the rest of the plot worked out but it involves heists and hoverbike racing as alice tries to uncover why all these computer programs look like her, about this new alien world she has seemed to ended up being tied to and all the mysteries of the city, and the immortal god-king who rules it and seems to know her.

near the end its revealed all of the alices in all the programs were based off a real woman named alice: the woman who invented the foundation for most of the technology of the city, which was stolen by a man who quickly became obsessed with her after trying repeatedly to track her down and imprison her in his immortality homostasis VR reality he wanted made. She had to flee, leaving most of her work behind, but knew eventually he his greed would begin to destroy the "perfect world" he envisioned when his machine begins to run out of fuel. alice (scientist) also put a failsafe in her software that it can be activated by her and her protocols can't be overriden once she's in the system. it requires dna authentication though and for her to get close enough to the main system to shut it down which she knows will take GENERATIONS and won't be available until he gets desperate enough to try and find her again for answers on how to make more fuel. hence why she had the village make clones of her: so one of her clones could carry out that will eventually and destroy that mother fucker.

i think this one would work best as a video game or something. maybe a movie or comic, but i can't make video games, movies, or comics.

i have too many plot ideas that live in my brain that i have no idea how to properly execute. i wish i had a billion dollars so i could pay a bunch of creatives outrageous amounts of money so the ideas can simply exist

[goops-art]

HAHA!!! The little troublemaker is learning the ways of the chesire cat boy

Brought to you by:

@twinanimatronics & @dana-chan-the-control-brain

AMAZING FICS!!!

Ok ok i know the relationship between these two havent completelly reached this levels yet and alice may not be the best book to cosplay at cuz the lore™ BUT IT HAS BEEN LIVING RENT FREE IN MA BRAIN AND I NEED IT TO GET IT OUT!!! (Besides needed an excuse to draw the trolling cat boy twink in someonthing more than a really bad idea of an anime adaptation but like a cursed one)

Anyway heres some extra!!

[U r my daaaaddd UR MA DAD UGGIE UGGIE BOOGIE ~ 🎶]

[edupunkn00b]

Punks, Poets, Parents

Prev - Ch. 9: Family - Next - Master Post - [ A03 ]

Fic rated M, this chapter rated T - CW: referenced past drug abuse, implied alcoholism, implied past child abuse/neglect, mild violence (between adults), swearing - WC: 2931

I have stood here before inside the pouring rain With the world turning circles running ‘round my brain I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll end this reign But it’s my destiny To be the king of pain - King of Pain, The Police

Fic playlist on Spotify ---

Thursday, March 8, 1984

When Patton came home that evening, he slammed the door hard enough to rattle the juice glasses in the cupboard next to the stove. Logan lowered the flame on that night's stew and poked his head out from the kitchen. While concerned by the uncharacteristic vehemence with which Patton had shut the door, Logan was relieved to be able to see Patton before he left to watch Jay during The Fists weekly sets at the club. Their schedules had begun to criss-cross and they hadn’t had more than a few minutes together to talk all week. “Pat? Are you all right?”

Kicking off his shoes and yanking off his jacket, Patton scoffed, snarling, “I’m fine.”

Narrowing his eyes, Logan stepped closer, reaching out to help disentangle Patton from his jacket when the sleeve caught on a shirt button. Patton stilled, breathing heavily, and allowed Logan to free him, nodding a thanks as he hung up his jacket in the hall closet.

“You do not appear to be fine, Pat,” Logan murmured in an even tone.

Shaking his head, Patton stomped into the kitchen. “I really can't talk to you about this.”

Frowning, Logan followed. “Confidentiality issues?”

Patton yanked open the door to the refrigerator, wincing as the ketchup and other condiments in the door shelves clanked against each other. He poked his head inside and rooted around for a minute before slamming the door shut again, empty-handed. He didn’t respond.

Logan felt his stomach drop to the floor. “Is this about Jay’s case?”

Brow furrowed, Patton looked away.

“What has happened, Patton?” Logan demanded in a quiet voice.

Sighing heavily, Patton sank down into a kitchen chair. “Alice Heaney’s name came up on a records check at Rikers. She’s being held on possession with intent to distribute and solicitation.”

Logan shook his head as he joined Patton at the table, sitting across from him. “Well, that would certainly explain why she has appeared to have abandoned Jay.” He crossed his arms and shook his head. “Remus told me the landlord formally evicted her for non-payment last month. She’d been seven months behind on rent.”

Patton looked up, clearly surprised. Logan shrugged, “The guy was nice enough to let Remus take anything that appeared to be Jay’s when the Marshall came.” He scowled. “There was not much.”

Patton pressed his lips together and rubbed at a scuff on the table, not meeting Logan’s eyes. “Is there more?” Logan asked, stiffening in his seat.

Scratching at the back of his neck, Patton nodded. “Her arrest triggered a review of the case.” He closed his eyes. “My supervisor believes Jay’s current living situation is unsafe and has directed me to remove him and place him in a sanctioned foster home.”

“What!?”

Patton stood up without responding, pulling down a glass and filling it at the sink. He drank half of it before shaking his head. “There’s nothing I can do, Lo.”

“Pat, please… You are talking about removing Jay from a home where he is cared for and loved.” Logan stood and walked over to the sink. He rested his hand on Patton’s shoulder. “You must see past the hair dye and tattoos. Since Remus has been caring for Jay, his test scores have gone up, he no longer hides in the supply closet during gym class, he doesn’t fall asleep in class anymore. He actually laughed during recess last week. That traumatized little boy laughed. It was the first sound I have heard him make at school all year long.”

Logan gently turned Patton to face him. “That child is already in the best possible care he could be.”

“You know, Lo, I’d have a much easier time believing that you were truly and objectively working in the best interests of this child if you…” Patton grimaced, and turned away from his brother.

“If I what, Patton?,” Logan demanded, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“If you… you know… if you weren’t in love with this man,” Patton finally admitted.

Logan scowled, trying to force away the blush he could feel spreading across his face. “Any personal attachments I may have—that is—” Logan’s words failed him at his brother’s raised eyebrow. Setting his jaw, Logan burst out, “Would you believe that I am only working in Jay’s best interests if I cut off all personal communication with Re—Mr. Puños?” He grit his teeth, his words coming out in a near growl. “Would that sufficiently convince you to fight for this child to stay with the first adult in his life who has actually given a damn about him?”

Patton clenched his jaw, “It would help, yes!”

“Well, fine, then, that’s what I’ll do!” Logan’s chest heaved and his eyes started to burn. “But you damn well better let Jay stay where he is!”

“I don’t know if there’s a way that I can—”

“Find a way!” Logan shouted.

“Fine!” Patton crossed his arms and stormed out of the room. A moment later, he heard Patton’s door slam. Logan stared after him, his own hands shaking.

Blowing out a harsh breath, Logan tugged at his hair, swearing under his breath. After a few minutes, he looked up at the clock and realized he was due to watch Jay in less than ten minutes. He swore again, turning off the burner and covering the pot on the stove. Quickly pulling on his jacket and grabbing his keys and wallet, he shoved his feet into his loafers and left for Remus’, letting the door slam behind him.

---

The roar of the amps and the energy of the audience still pounding through his body, Remus bopped his head as he packed away his bass and the rest of his gear. Roman came up behind him and clapped him hard on the shoulder.

“Re! That… that was a perfect set, man!” Roman gripped a half-finished beer in one hand. He grinned a little too broadly at his brother.

Remus nodded, squeezing Roman’s shoulder in return, steadying him slightly when he swayed. “Thanks, Ro Bro! You sounded amazing tonight.” He returned to his gig bag, checking to be sure he had his cables and journal stowed safely away. Roman drained the last of his beer and shoulder-bumped Remus.

“Get your shit, Re!” Roman laughed loudly, “We’re heading out to Iggy’s… They’re doing green jello shots tonight…” Virgil looked up from where he was packing up his own gig bag. His jaw was clenched.

Peering closely at Roman, Remus gripped his arm, “Um, maybe some other time, I uh—”

“Fuck, Remus! You haven’t come out with us in months! I know you got your whole Ward Cleaver thing going on but, c’mon….” Virgil stepped around from behind the drum kit and moved closer to the brothers.

Shaking his head, Remus put down his bag and rested his hand on Roman’s other side. “Hey, hey, Ro Bro… nah, man, you know why I don’t wanna go to a bar….”

Scowling, Roman shook himself free of Remus’ grasp. “Yeah, whatever…” He jumped down off the stage and threw his empty cup in the trash. When he got to the bar, he leaned over it with puppy dog eyes, waving to get Bennie’s attention.

Remus looked over his shoulder, briefly meeting Virgil’s eyes before continuing to watch his brother. He spoke quietly, “How much has he had?”

Virgil shoved his hands in his pockets, kicking at a sticker stuck to the stage. “That’s at least his fifth.” He shrugged when Remus whipped his head around to stare at him. “He had a few between sets.”

“Fuck.”

Sighing heavily, Remus jumped off the stage. Bennie was off at the other end of the bar, seemingly too busy with some closing task to pour another drink for Roman. Rolling his eyes as Remus approached, he snapped, “What?”

Remus raised his hands in a surrender pose, “Nothing, Ro, nothing. Just… just didn’t wanna leave things like that.”

“You know, a couple beers is not the same thing as smack, man.” Roman glared at him. “You can still have a good time and not end up with a needle in your arm again.”

“Look—I…” Remus sighed heavily, leaning on the bar next to Roman. “You don’t know that and I don’t wanna take the chance that…” He sucked his teeth, blowing out a sharp breath. “This shit runs in families, Ro. Maybe….”

“What? You’re gonna tell me what I get to do now?” Roman rose and stepped closer to Remus. “And don’t tell me shit about families.” Fists tight at his sides, he snarled, “You left.”

Remus stood up, taking a half step back, staring up at Roman’s darkened eyes. “Ro, can we not do this right now?”

“Oh, you gonna run away from me?” Roman took another step forward, chest just touching Remus’.

Gritting his teeth, Remus hissed back, “Dammit, Ro, you know… I—I didn’t just fucking leave….” Remus closed his eyes and took another step backwards. “Look, Ro, just call it a night. I know around our birthday’s rough, but you’re drunk, man, you—”

Without warning, Roman swung wildly at Remus’ face, his fist just catching the side of his chin.

Jumping off the stage, Virgil rushed over. “Hey, hey, hey, guys…” He got in between the brothers. Remus took a step back. “Babe, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Virgil put his arm around Roman’s waist, stroking his hip. “Let’s just go home… Everyone's tired. It was a good set.” He tilted his head, trying to catch Roman’s eyes. Virgil smiled when Roman finally looked at him. “Let’s go home, Babe,” he repeated softly.

When Roman started to nod and allow himself to be led away from the bar and his brother, Virgil and Remus both released the breaths they’d been holding. Looking over his shoulder, Virgil murmured to Remus, “See you Tuesday?”

Rubbing his jaw, Remus frowned, “Yeah, man. Tuesday.”

---

Remus put down his gig bag and shoved his keys back into his jacket pocket when he got home, turning around to lock the door behind him. He grinned when he looked out into the living room and saw Logan sitting on the couch. Remus’ Walt Whitman Collection was open on his lap, and his head tilted against the backrest of the couch, lips slightly parted, fast asleep.

After undoing his boots, Remus tiptoed over to the couch, carefully marking Logan’s page. He glanced down to see which poem he’d been reading and chuckled quietly. The book had been opened to As if a Phantom Caress’d Me, the poem that had inspired the song Remus had played the first night he saw Logan at the club. “You figured it out,” he whispered.

Remus looked up when he heard footsteps in the hallway. Jay stood in the doorway, fingers twisting together. “Hey, Bud, you okay?” Remus put down the book on the coffee table next to Logan’s little packet of kleenex and stepped closer to Jay.

The boy flung himself at his legs, hugging him tightly and tucking his face between his arm and his hip. “Oh, Jay, did you have a nightmare?” Remus felt his little head nod against his arm, so he bent down to pick him up, rubbing his back. “Oh, Buddy, you’re safe, you’re safe.” He glanced back at Logan and, seeing him still asleep, he whispered to Jay, “Let’s let Mr. Sanders sleep a little more, huh?” Jay nodded and put his head down on Remus’ shoulder as he brought him back to bed.

He hummed as he tucked Jay back into bed, first flipping the pillows over and fluffing them up, then fishing out his little blue Grover toy from the tangled sheets. Jay smiled, reaching for the toy. Remus made a whooshing sound, flying him into the boy’s hands as he muttered quietly, “It is I, Suuuper Grover!”

Once Jay was settled under the covers, blinking slowly, Remus bent over and smoothed his hair, whispering, “Good night, Jay.” Jay’s hand snaked out, grabbing his sleeve as he turned to leave. Remus turned back and Jay brushed his hand over his outstretched arm, approximating the sign for ‘sing’.

Remus smiled down at Jay, brushing his hair from his forehead. “You want a song first?” Jay nodded rapidly, eyes wide. “Sure thing, Buddy.” Remus sat down on the edge of the bed, and, after thinking for a moment, smiled again and started to quietly sing.

Every time I look into your lovely eyes I can see a love that money just can’t buy

In the other room, Logan woke to the sound of Remus’ singing. Blinking, he looked around the living room, brow furrowed. Gradually, his forehead smoothed when he glanced at the clock and, after realizing he’d been asleep for over an hour, started to piece together what was going on. Listening to Remus’ quiet singing, he stood and put away the book of poetry Remus had set down on the coffee table.

One look from you, I drift away I pray that you are here to stay

Logan slapped his hand over his mouth as he felt a sob try to escape his lips. He swallowed hard, wrapping one arm around his abdomen, rocking slightly and pushing back the tears, fighting to control his breathing.

Anything you want, you got it Anything you need, you got it Anything at all, you got it Baby

Every time I hold you, I begin to understand Everything about you tells me you’re just grand

Logan heard Jay giggle at the modified line and he wondered how many times Remus had sung this song to the little boy.

I live my life to be with you I want to give the world to you

Logan started to pace, shaking his head, arms still wrapped around himself.

Anything you want, you got it Anything you need, you got it Anything at all, you got it Anything you want Anything you need Anything at all

Logan stood still once he heard a quiet creak and soon saw Remus emerge from the room, a soft little smile dancing on his lips.

Remus smiled broadly at him over his shoulder as he pulled Jay's door mostly closed. He moved closer to Logan and slipped his arms around his waist, pulling him in to a slow, soft kiss. Logan closed his eyes, melting into the heat of Remus’ hands against his body, shivering at the little sparks where mustache grazed his lips.

He broke away when he felt a low groan start to push its way up from his chest, and they stared at each other for a moment, both breathless. When Logan opened his mouth as though to speak, Remus tilted his chin toward the kitchen. He took his hand and led him further from the bedroom door where their voices wouldn't carry as much and risk waking the boy again.

Remus started a kettle and they sat quietly together, waiting for the water to boil. Logan was lost in thought, swirling the cold remnants of his cup from earlier in the evening.

"How often does he have nightmares?" Logan asked, looking down into his half-drunk tea.

Remus sighed, pouring a fresh cup for each of them. "It used to be almost every night." He frowned into his cup and took a sip. "He'd be inconsolable. He’d take a couple hours to calm down. But now?" He shrugged. "A couple times a week, maybe? And he settles right back down."

"You have been so good for him," Logan whispered, voice cracking. He finally looked up to meet his eyes.

Remus chuckled, "It goes both ways."

Logan covered his mouth with his hand, holding his breath. "Remus, I… We…" He sighed and looked down at his hands. After several moments, he spoke again, voice low and toneless. "I have behaved inappropriately with you. I… I allowed my infatuation with you to color my judgement and—”

"No, no, you haven't been inappropriate." Remus moved to the chair closer to Logan, taking his hands. "We… I… I kissed you first," Remus tried to catch his eyes, letting out a half laugh.

Logan shook his head, "This cannot be a personal relationship. I am Jay's teacher. You are his guardian. We—” he pressed his lips together, breathing hard through his nose. "There can be no 'we.' Not in that way."

"If you're afraid of people at the school finding out—” Remus reached up to cup Logan's cheek and he jerked away. Remus dropped his hand as though burned. "Logan, please… no. Don't let fear get between us."

Logan looked away, speaking through gritted teeth. "There is no 'us,' Remus."

"No. No, I can't just accept that." Remus stood then crouched in front of Logan, bending his head until Logan had to face him. "No." He shook his head. "Logan, I… I love you. And… if you don't love me, too, then—” his voice broke.

Logan wouldn't face him.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me, too, and I'll back off." Remus reached for Logan's hands, waiting for him to turn and face him. Logan gently squeezed his hands.

He took a breath and stared into warmth and love and hope swimming in Remus’ eyes. Remus started to smile and Patton's words echoed in Logan's mind. 'That would be so much easier to believe… if you weren't in love with this man.'

"I do not love you."

His whispered words roared through the quiet kitchen. Remus' smile vanished and he sat back on the floor, dropping Logan's hands.

"I am sorry for leading you to believe that I felt differently." Logan stood, unable to look at him. "I should go. I… I sincerely hope I have not damaged our cooperative efforts to assist Jay."

Remus shook himself, rising to his feet. "No. No, of course not.” He sounded like someone else, his voice quiet and hollow. “You're Jay's favorite teacher. He lo—he adores you. I can be a grown up and not fuck that up."

He nodded slightly, "I expected nothing less from you." Logan quietly walked to the front door, putting on his shoes and his jacket. Silently, Remus shuffled after him. Logan opened the door, glancing back one more time at Remus before clenching his jaw and turning away. "Good night, Mr. Puños."

Remus made a small choked sound, but replied, "Good night, Mr. Sanders.” Logan eased the door shut behind him, careful not to let it slam.

---

taglist: @mavenmush @demon9980 @crossiantgay @psychedelicships @justmeandmygayships @ts-creator-boost @bluerosesbleedred @tsfanficarchive

[lochtayboatsong]

The Jesus Christ Superstar essay absolutely no one asked for.

Last weekend, I watched the pro-shot of the 2012 arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar starring Ben Forster, Tim Minchin, and Melanie C, because it was Easter and it was up on YT for the weekend.  I never managed to do my annual listen-through of Leonard Bernstein’s Mass this year, as is my usual Easter tradition, so I figured “Why not watch/listen to this instead?”  It was my first time seeing and hearing JCS in full, and Y’ALL, it has been living rent-free in my brain ever since.  I have a mighty need to get my thoughts out, so here they are, in chronological order by song.  

1) Prologue: I love the way JCS 2012 makes use of the arena video screen.  The production design and concept clearly took a lot of inspiration from the “Occupy ______” movement, which makes it feel a bit dated now.  But every single production of JCS is a product of its time period, so this is a feature and not a bug.  

2) Heaven On Their Minds: This is a straight-up rock song.  It wouldn’t be out of place on any rock and roll album released between 1970 and 2021, and it boggles my mind that Webber and Rice were both in their early twenties when they wrote it.  Also, the lyric “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” hits hard no matter the year.

3) What’s the Buzz: A+ use of the arena screens again, this time bringing in social media to set the tone.  Also, this song establishes right from the outset that Jesus is burnt out and T I R E D by this point in the story.  Seriously, can we just let this man have a nap?

4) Strange Thing Mystifying: Judas publicly calls out Mary and Jesus claps back.  Folx, get you a partner who will defend your honor the way Jesus defends MM in this scene.  Also Jesus loses his shoes and is mostly barefoot for the remainder of the show.

5) Everything’s Alright: Okay, this is one of the songs I have A LOT to say about.  First, it’s important to know that I was a church musician throughout all of my adolescence and into my early adulthood.  The pianist at the services I usually played at was a top-notch jazz pianist, and also my piano teacher for about six years while I as in high school and undergrad.  (Incidentally, I had a HUGE crush on his son, who was/is a jazz saxophonist and clarinetist and also played in the church band, but that’s a story for another day.)  One of the hymns we played a few times a year was called “Sing of the Lord’s Goodness,” which is notable for being in 5/4 time.  Whenever this hymn was on the schedule, it was usually the recessional, or the last song played as the clergy processed out and the congregation got ready to leave, so we were able to have some fun with it.  After a couple verses the piano player and his son would usually morph it into “Take Five,” a famous jazz standard by Dave Brubeck which is also in 5/4 time.  Anyway, the first time I listened to this song in full, it got to Judas’s line “People who are hungry, people who are starving,” and I sat bolt upright and went “HOLY SHIT THIS IS ‘SING OF THE LORD’S GOODNESS/TAKE FIVE.’”  And I was ricocheted back in time to being fourteen and trying to keep up with this father/son duo in a cavernous Catholic church while simultaneously making heart-eyes at the son.  Final note: This is the only song in the musical to feature all three leads (Jesus, Judas, and Mary Magdalene) and is mostly Jesus and MM being soft with each other in between bouts of Jesus and Judas snarling at one another.

6) This Jesus Must Die: I LOVE that all the villains in this production are in tailored suits.  LOVE IT.  Also, Caiaphas and Annas are a comedy duo akin to “the thin guy and the fat guy,” except in this case it’s “the low basso profundo and the high tenor.”  Excellent use of the arena video screen again, this time as CCTV.

7) Hosanna: My background as a church musician strikes back again.  It honestly took me two or three listens to catch it, but then I had another moment of sitting bolt upright and going “HOLY SHIT THIS IS A PSALM.”  Psalms sung in church usually take the form of call-and-response, with a cantor singing the verses and the congregation joining in for the chorus.  If I close my eyes during this song, I have no trouble imagining Jesus as a church cantor singing the verses and then bringing the congregation in for the “Ho-sanna, Hey-sanna” chorus. 

8) Simon Zealotes: This is part “Gloria In Excelsis” and part over-the-top Gospel song.  Honestly it’s not my favorite, but it marks an important mood change in the show.  The end of “Hosanna” is probably Jesus at his happiest in the entire show, and then Simon comes in and sours the mood by trying to tip the triumphant moment into a violent one.  Jesus is not truly happy again from this moment on.

9) Poor Jerusalem: Also not my fave.  It kinda reads like Webber and Rice realized that Jesus didn’t have a solo aria in Act I, so they came up with this.  But it has the distinction of containing the lyric, “To conquer death you only have to die,” which is the biggest overarching theme of the story.

10) Pilate’s Dream: Pontius Pilate might be the most underrated role in this entire show, and I love that this production has him singing this song while being dressed in judge’s robes.  

11) The Temple: The first half of this is one of the campiest numbers in Act I, at least in this production, and it’s awesome.  The second half is one of the saddest, as Jesus tries to heal the sick but finds there are too many of them.  Also the whole scene is almost entirely in 7/8 time, which I think is just cool.

12) I Don’t Know How To Love Him: Mary Magdalene’s big aria, and one of the songs I knew prior to seeing the full-length show.  This production has MM taking off her heavy lipstick and eye makeup onstage, mid-song, which is kind of cool.  Melanie C says in a BTS interview that MM’s makeup is her armor, so this is a Big Symbolic Moment.

13) Damned For All Time: The scene transition into this song is played entirely in pantomime, and I love it.  The solo guitarist gets to be onstage for a bit, A+ use of the video screen again to show Judas on CCTV, etc.  Love it.  And then this song is Judas frantically rationalizing what he’s doing, and what he’s about to do, with Caiphas and Annas just reacting with raised eyebrows and knowing looks.

14) Blood Money: This is where the tone of the show really takes a turn for the dark.  I think this might be one of Tim Minchin’s finest moments as Judas, because his facial expressions and microexpressions throughout this scene speak absolute volumes.  And the offstage chorus quietly singing “Well done Judas” as he picks up the money is a positively chilling way to end Act I.

15) The Last Supper: Act II begins with major “Drink With Me” vibes.  (Except JCS came WAY before Les Miz, so it’s probably more accurate to say that “Drink With Me” has major “The Last Supper” vibes.)  Jesus and Judas have their knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s honestly heartbreaking, thanks again to Tim Minchin’s facial expressions.  A well-done production of JCS will really convey that Jesus and Judas were once closer than brothers, even though their relationship is at breaking point when Act I begins.

16) Gethsemane: This is Jesus’s major showpiece and one of my faves.  Jesus knows he has less than 24 hours to live, he knows he’s going to suffer, and worst of all, he doesn’t know whether it’s going to be worth it.  It’s an emotional rollercoaster to watch and to perform, and it goes on for ages: something like 6 or 7 minutes.  Fun fact: the famous G5 is not written in the score.  Ian Gillan, who played Jesus on the original concept album, just sang it that way, so most subsequent Jesuses have also done it that way.  Lindsay Ellis has a great supercut of this on YT.  John Legend notably sang the line as written during the 2018 concert.  

17) The Arrest: Judas’s Betrayer’s Kiss is played differently across different productions.  The 2012 version is pretty tame - I’ve seen clips and gifs of other productions, including the 2000 direct-to-video version, where they kiss fully on the mouth and have to be dragged apart by the guards and it is THE MOST TENDER THING.  Then the 7/8 riff from “The Temple” comes back and the 2012 version lets the video screen do its thing again as Jesus is swarmed by reporters.

18) Peter’s Denial: Not much to say about this one, as it’s basically a scene transition.  But it’s a significant moment in the Passion story, so I’m glad they included it.

19) Pilate and Christ: The 2012 production continues with the theme of Caiaphas, Annas, and Pilate all being bougie af, since Pilate intentionally looks like he just came from tennis practice during this scene.  Also he does pilates...hehehe.

20) King Herod’s Song: Tim Minchin says in a BTS interview that JCS works best when Jesus and Judas are played seriously and the rest of the production is allowed to be completely camp and wild and bizarre all around them, and he is bloody well CORRECT about that.  Case in point: King Herod.  There is not a single production of JCS that I know of where Herod is played “straight.”  He’s been played by everyone from Alice Cooper to Jack Black, and everyone puts a different zany spin on him.  In JCS 2012 he’s a chat show host in a red crushed velvet suit, who is clearly having the time of his LIFE. 

21) Could We Start Again Please: This is another of my faves.  Just a quiet moment where MM, Peter, and the disciples try to grapple with the fact that Jesus is arrested and things are going very, very badly.  This is also my favorite Melanie C moment of the 2012 show.  Her grief is very real, and the little moment she has with Peter at the end is very real.

22) Death of Judas: This is basically Tim Minchin screaming for about five minutes, and incredibly harrowing to watch on first viewing.  

23) Trial Before Pilate: Possibly my single favorite scene in the entire 2012 production.  This is another harrowing watch, but there’s so much to take in.  The “set” that the entire show takes place on is essentially just a massive staircase, and the people with power are almost always positioned above the people without power.  In this scene, the crowd shouting “Crucify Him!” is positioned above Pilate, which is a very telling clue to Pilate’s psychology during this scene.  Jesus is at the very bottom of the stairs, of course.  Excellent use of the video screen once again during the 39 Lashes, to show the lash marks building and building until the entire screen is a wash of red.  Pilate’s counting also gets more and more frantic, especially starting around “20.”  And all the while the guitar riff from “Heaven On Their Minds” is playing.  Jesus’s line “Everything is fixed and you can’t change it” is played quite differently in different productions - here it’s defiant, but elsewhere (in JCS 2000 for example) it’s almost tender, like Jesus is absolving Pilate for his part in the trial.  But it always ends the same - with Pilate almost screaming as he passes the sentence and “washes his hands” of the whole sorry business. 

24) Superstar: The most over-the-top number in the show.  Judas, who died two scenes ago, comes back to sing this.  There are soul singers.  There are girls in skimpy angel costumes.  The parkour guys from the prologue are back.  Judas pulls a tambourine out of hammerspace midway through the song.  And Jesus is silently screaming and crying as he gets hoisted onto a lighting beam while all this is going on.

25) The Crucifixion: More of a spoken-word piece than a song, it’s Jesus’s final words on the cross over eerie piano music, and another harrowing watch.

26) John 19:41: An instrumental piece in which Jesus is taken from the cross and carried, at last, to the top of the stairs, before being lowered out of sight as the video screen turns into a memorial wall and everything fades to black.

So.  I know I’m anywhere from three to fifty-one years late to this particular party, but I am on the JCS bandwagon now and I’m thoroughly enjoying myself.  :)

[writeraquamarinara]

I’m giving you the impossible!! What are your favorite syl/ria fics????

rachel!! i know i said i could do this but hdu ask a libra to make such difficult decisions??? i’ll do it anyway tho. just for you <3

i’m picking my top 3 and actually, le gasp, attempting to rank them (based off how much they live in my head rent free)

3. to face unafraid (the plans that we made)

the OG syl/ria collab. fake dating + one bed + sticking it to Alice Cooper + mistletoe kisses? yes PLS. their make-out sesh at the end of Chapter 5 lives in my head (you guessed it!) rent free. 

2. (wise men say) only fools rush in

SO MUCH of this fic is so iconic. them waking up that first morning. them immediately making jokes about being married. Jughead taking Betty’s name. and then starting with Chapter 6 pretty much every single scene has impacted me in one way or another. I don’t want to spoil too much but Betty taking care of Jug after he sees the alert banner for the runaway teen? and then Jughead taking care of Betty after the PLOT TWIST THAT SHOOK ME WHEN I FIRST READ THIS STORY?? Formative i tell u.

1. sweetest little part of destiny

THIS FIC. THIS FIC I S2G. I read it at least once every few months. so i’d say it takes up almost too much space in my head. the amount of love he has for her just makes me go crazy. (where’s that Jenny Slate meme?)

again, i don’t want to spoil too much (although, if you haven’t read this fic already where have u been?) but when he offers to build the furniture for her. when he buys her nail polish and a pregnancy pillow. when she sleeps on him instead. when she wakes him up in the middle of the night. WHEN HE READS TO THE BABY. yeah <3

also, the line “Your daughter is a little pushy on my bladder these days” is permanently etched in my brain for some reason.

Also, literally just this morning I was thinking about the scene where Pop reveals that Jug’s been pining for Betty for years. I’m telling you I think about this fic too much.

I don’t get baby fever at all (and ria can attest to this), but this fic just does something to me idk.

Once AO3 updates my history tab I can tell u just how many times I’ve visited each of these fics and I can assure you that it will not be a normal amount. but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

thanks for the ask, rach. sorry I droned on for so long in response lol.

[annabellelux]

Thirsty Thursday

Tagged by: @ninemagicks

The content in this fandom never stops amazing me. Thank you to all of our lovely writers for absolutely killing it.

I haven’t done this in like. two months. so I have a lot of fics to rec.  I’m just going to go off under the cut: 

with great power by @xivz

This fic is SO. FUCKING. GOOD. I had the honor of beta-ing this and I’ve been thrilled about this from the start. I mean, it’s a spiderman AU! With Simon as Spiderman! How much more could you possibly ask for????

Mating for Life by @sharkmartini (and art by @krisrix)

Winnie has never disappointed me in my life and probably never will. This fic is shockingly good and distinctly a SHARKMARTINI fic - which is to say amazing in a visceral way. 

Dream with Eyes Open by @krisrix​

I am deathly serious when I tell you to read this fic. It’s pure poetry, and I’m 98 percent sure Kris secretly wrote this just to meet all my specific tastes. 

We’re Not in Genovia Anymore by @waywardfangirl

Sparked PURE joy in me, and not just because Alice and I are sharing fictional royal horses. It’s super cute and sweet and happy-making and AHHH

A Hopeless Case by @im-gettingby

THEY SAID CLUELESS BAZ AND PINING SIMON RIGHTS AND I AGREE!!!!!!!!! Also I adore Baz & Agatha as close friends and classmates, absolutely inspired 

Candy Apple Red by @gampyre

Simon is ~feeling things~ about Baz eating a candy apple, and I desperately, desperately want more of this one-shot (though it stands beautifully on its own) 

The Arrangement by @omgcmere

I don’t usually read non-CO fics, but someone recced this RWRB fic to be and oh my GOD it’s gorgeously done. I like, barely can string words together about it, just go read and thank me later 

warm blood by @arca9

The vibes? absolutely PERFECT. This fic lives rent free in my brain; the chemistry is enough to blow up a building 

cinnamon buns by @pipsqueakparker

Fluffy and sweet and willing to tell the truth (which is that cake is crash). Honestly, read all of my husband’s flufftober prompts, all of the fics are heart warming and lovely and inspired 

Pour Some (Maple) Sugar on Me by @hufflepunky

SO FUNNY. The texting in this fic is amazing, and Simon specifically is amazing. 

Battle Scars by @im-gettingby​

Legit a new fave of mine. It has my absolutely favorite trope: Simon being hot for fighting. And it’s so poetically beautifully and wonderfully written that it just like, absolutely stole my heart. In a week I’ve already reread it three times, if you’re wondering how obsessed I am. 

As You Wish by @waywardfangirl

ALL THE GOOD FOOD: magic mishaps, clueless simon, pining baz, adorable realizations with an instant need to kiss, and hilarious banter. Reading this fic is self-care y’all 

I’m stopping now, not because there’s not more, but because I need to get back to school work. Tagging all the lovely people I recced! Love all your beautiful words and souls so much! 

[londonspirit]

After the pandemic delayed its highly-anticipated release, the In the Heights movie is finally coming to very thirsty fans this Friday - and, to make the premiere even better, a special behind-the-scenes look at the movie is hitting bookshelves. In the Heights: Finding Home is a joint venture with Lin-Manuel Miranda, screenwriter Quiara Alegría Hudes, and Jeremy McCarter - it combines never-before-seen photos and oral history style-storytelling to take readers onto the Washington Heights set, spilling all sorts of filming secrets. Here, in an exclusive excerpt, read along as the cast battles record heat to complete the "Carnaval del Barrio" number.

Washington Heights is dense enough, and lively enough, to offer a distilled version of the New York paradox: Life is a nerve-fraying ordeal that you miss terribly as soon as it's gone. (According to local custom, people don't just double-park here, they triple-park.) Everybody knew that shooting a movie there would be difficult and expensive. But Jon [M. Chu, the director,] couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

For all of its fantastical touches-what Jon calls its "sing-to-the-stars-y" energy-Heights has always drawn power from its realism, a depiction of life as it's actually lived. The sweet spot for the movie, Jon felt, would be offering "a very truthful take on living in Washington Heights, then upping it."

In other words: No matter how fraught the process might be, the cast, the crew, and all of their gear-up to and including their fake sun in the sky-were going to spend the summer of 2019 in Washington Heights.

"The essence of a movie dictates where you shoot it," explains Kevin McCormick, a Warner Bros. executive who was integral to Heights. "And there's no way you could not have made this in Washington Heights. To have a movie about this community and not film there would be such a lost opportunity."

The first thing they did there was listen. Members of the production team, particularly Samson Jacobson, the location manager (born and raised in the area-a definite plus), and Karla Sayles, the director of public affairs at Warner Bros., met with community leaders to field questions and respond to concerns. Once again, Luis Miranda was a vital resource, drawing on relationships he had built over decades to make introductions.

The producers vowed to do all they could to limit the physical footprint of the shoot. Cast members shared trailers that they might otherwise have kept to themselves. The production hired people from the neighborhood for roles onscreen and off. Instead of catering every meal, they encouraged actors and crew to buy lunch in area restaurants. They even funded a student production of the show at George Washington high school.

What you see onscreen is a two-hour-and-fourteen-minute record of movie professionals falling in love with a place and its people. They arrived uptown to discover that Washington Heights really was different from most places in New York. Locals opened the hydrants on hot afternoons and played dominoes on the sidewalks. The piragüeros really did park their carts on the sidewalk to hawk their flavors of the day. The fascination seemed to be mutual: Actors got used to seeing whole families-little kids and their abuelitas-watching from their stoops at any time of the day or night.

Which is not to say that it came easily.

To Alice Brooks, the director of photography, the weather problems were "insane." If a storm popped up on the radar anywhere nearby, they had to suspend production. This happened with schedule-wrecking regularity. They expected to be free of such interruptions when they went underground to shoot "Paciencia y Fe" on the subway. Instead, they experienced a torment familiar to every New Yorker but with a twist: They weren't waiting for the train to appear so they could ride it to work, they just needed the garbage train to pass by so they could go back to shooting their movie.

The need to solve the endless riddles of New York filmmaking had led the producers to add Anthony Bregman to the team. At this point, he reckons, he's filmed in just about every corner of his hometown, always looking for ways to capture the authentic look and feel of a place-even when the movie is surreal. (He produced Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a valuable point of reference for the reality-bending frame of Quiara's screenplay.) So he wasn't especially rattled when, on the night they filmed "Alabanza," a nearby building caught fire, or when, on another night, gunshots rang out nearby.

"You want the life of the city?" Anthony asks. "The life of the city is complicated."

The production lost valuable shooting time on both of those nights. They found ways to make it up later. But other days offered no second chances. Anthony remembers looking at the calendar before summer began, getting a feel for what lay ahead. Some days seemed manageable; some days seemed tough. Then there was "Carnaval del Barrio."

"That day," he says, "was impossible."

What turned out to be a defining episode in the whole long history of In the Heights almost didn't happen at all. Many a movie executive had suggested over the years that there wasn't enough plot in "Carnaval del Barrio" to justify a song that was very long and very crowded, which made it very expensive. But the song's power doesn't come from the plot, it comes from the theme. The characters rally one another's spirits amid a citywide blackout. They raise their flags and celebrate their heritage-and their humanity-in defiance of every force telling them not to.

That community-fortifying aspect of the song is "essentially the DNA of In the Heights for me," Quiara says. Beneath the joy, there's a legacy of struggle and resilience. " 'Carnaval' unearths that history. All we have is our fight to be here together, the testimony to our spirit."

To help ensure that the number would remain in the movie, she hooked it into the plot more securely, situating it as a farewell number for the salon ladies, who have been priced out of the neighborhood. But the budget wasn't the only limiting factor. "Carnaval" is unique in requiring virtually every member of the cast to be present at the same time.

The actors' complicated schedules meant that Jon wouldn't get all the filming days he wanted. He would get only one.

Which meant it was time for the hard, slow, unglamorous legwork of moviemaking: planning, organizing, rehearsing, designing, equipping, and rehearsing some more-months of it, all to give themselves the best possible chance to "make the day," to film the whole gigantic number in the time available.

In the world of making movies, "day" is a flexible unit of time, especially for a scene that would be filmed outdoors- in this case, a courtyard between two apartment buildings around the corner from where Lin went to preschool. They scheduled the shoot for a Monday, when union rules would let them start the earliest. And they picked June 24, one of the longest days of the year.

They didn't realize it would also be one of the hottest.

The song would be filmed more or less in order. Which meant that for the production, as for the characters, the salon ladies would lead the way.

Some of the movie's actors were new to musicals. Not Daphne Rubin-Vega, who plays Daniela. When Rent blew the mind of seventeen-year-old Lin-Manuel Miranda, she was onstage, playing Mimi. But when she arrived for hair and makeup on "Carnaval" day-at 4:30 in the morning-even she was feeling nerves. The uneven concrete floor of the courtyard wasn't like where they had rehearsed. The prospect of filming a seven-page song before nightfall seemed crazy.

She began to hear a voice of doubt in her brain, one that's encoded in a specific ugly memory. After wrapping her first film, she had gone to the airport to fly home to New York and mentioned to the woman at the ticket counter that she had just acted in a movie.

"That's funny," said the woman, who Daphne believes to have been Latina like herself. "You don't look like an actress."

Worries about how they looked, questions about what they were wearing, a general feeling of negativity-Dascha Polanco was feeling them, too. She always loved arriving on set to play Cuca, one of Daniela's fellow salon ladies, because it felt so much like coming home. She was born in the Dominican Republic and while growing up in Brooklyn used to make frequent trips to the Heights with her friends. ("Washington Heights is a small Dominican Republic," she explains.) Now she, too, wondered if she belonged. Am I capable of remembering the steps? she asked herself.

She decided to stop those doubts-for herself and the other salon ladies. She grabbed the hands of Daphne and Stephanie Beatriz, who played Carla, and formed the women into a profane prayer circle.

"Shake that s--- off," she told them. "I'm not going to let anyone or anything interfere with my performance today."

Daphne laughs as she tells the story. "She was so hilarious and said we were going to protect each other from that insecurity. That was such a beautiful thing-going in there with that determination to represent."

By 5:30 A.M., when the sun rose over Queens, sixty dancers had arrived. Christopher Scott, the film's choreographer, tried to prepare them for what was coming, backed by his full team of associate choreographers: Emilio Dosal, Ebony Williams, and Dana Wilson, as well as associate Latin choreographer Eddie Torres, Jr., and assistant Latin choreographer Princess Serrano. By six A.M., dozens of crew members had joined them, making the thousand careful adjustments needed to help a movie look spontaneous.

It was almost nine A.M. by the time Jon called "Action." The cameras started rolling, Daphne started singing, and the clock kept ticking.

Arrange the actors, position the cameras, do a take, reset everybody, do it again. As the sun climbed higher that morning, the temperature rose to what one crew member estimated to be nine hundred degrees. Look closely-see the sweat on people's bodies? Most of it didn't come from the makeup department. But there wasn't time for extra breaks to cool off.

"Please be quiet," a voice on the loudspeaker boomed at one point. "We gotta go."

At one point that morning, Jimmy Smits got his turn to shine. Playing Kevin Rosario wasn't his first Height experience. He had seen the show Off-Broadway and been "blown away" by it, he says. He had offered to help in any way he could, eventually recording a radio ad for the show.

His devotion to Heights carried into rehearsals for the film. As they got underway, he told Chris Scott and the choreography team, "I know I'm playing the dad, but the last thing I want to see is myself in the background, just waving my hands. I want to go all in." They obliged him. He sometimes hobbled home from the dance studio to ice himself for hours.

His payoff came on "Carnaval" day. He had a featured moment in the song: an intricate, whirling combination. The cast and crew watched him do it again and again, cheering him on. He could feel "a lightning bolt of energy" around the set, something he'd experienced only rarely in his long career.

Over the applause after one take, a voice rang out, ricocheting off the walls: "That s--- was crazy! For our ancestors!" It was Anthony Ramos. He, too, had a long history with Heights, but it wasn't as happy as Jimmy's.

Very early in his career, he had tried to get cast as Sonny on the show's national tour. It meant taking a bus into Manhattan from a gig he was doing in New Jersey, going through round after round of auditions. At last he made it to the big moment: a callback in front of Tommy Kail, Alex Lacamoire, and Lin himself.

He gave the song everything he had. He didn't get the part.

He thought he'd missed the one chance he would get to work with Lin, the writer who'd evoked Anthony's own world, Latino New York, so beautifully on a Broadway stage. He needn't have worried. A few years later, the same guys would hire him to originate the roles of John Laurens and Philip Hamilton, Alexander's son, in Hamilton.

When Anthony got to know Tommy and Lac well enough, he asked if they remembered not casting him as Sonny. They said they did.

"You weren't ready yet," Lac said.

Anthony knew he was right. "Only a homie would tell you that," he says.

But he needed one more break to make his way back to Heights and find himself sweating in the courtyard that morning.

In 2018, Stephanie Klemons, an original cast member of both In the Heights and Hamilton, directed a production of Heights at the Kennedy Center in Washington. The night before rehearsals were set to begin, she lost an actor to an injury. She reached out to Anthony: Could he step in with zero notice?

He didn't feel physically or mentally ready, and was about to pass, but decided to do it. That's how he got a second chance to show Lin what he could do in Heights-not as Sonny this time, as Usnavi. In a series of tweets, reproduced on this page, Lin commemorated how overwhelmed he was watching Anthony step into the role he once played. He, Quiara, and Jon all agreed that when the cameras started rolling, Anthony should be their Usnavi.

The bond between Anthony and Lin added to the drama of filming "Carnaval." Lin played Piragua Guy, so he was in the courtyard, too-or, rather, directly above it, on a fire escape. It meant that the whole cast and crew had a clear view of the brief duet that he and Anthony sing in the middle of the number. To people who knew their history, the sight made time go all swirly. Anthony had originated the role of Lin's son in Hamilton, and now he was playing the role that Lin had originated, and somehow the two of them were singing a duet in Washington Heights.

A quirk of the production process made the moment even stranger and more potent. All day, the actors had been singing along to prerecorded versions of "Carnaval" piped over the loudspeakers. But somehow they hadn't gotten around to recording Anthony's side of his duet, so they had to fall back on the only other version on hand: the Broadway cast album. Which meant that Lin wasn't just singing with Anthony that day, he was harmonizing with himself at age twenty-eight, when every bit of what was happening around him would have seemed like a ludicrous dream. "It was like time travel," Lin says.

By three p.m., when everybody had returned from their lunch break-blood sugar bolstered by the ice cream truck that Stephanie Beatriz had hired-time was growing shorter, the day hotter. Now when choreographer Chris Scott talked to the dancers, many listened with hands on hips, hands on knees.

From his fire escape, Lin did his bit to keep up morale. He joined in the clapping that broke out between scenes; he made silly faces; he pulled up his shirt and did belly rolls. Guests watched from the edges of the shoot: Lin's dad and wife, Quiara's sister, Chris's mom, Anthony's sister and mom. Anna Wintour stopped by.

Jon is not the type to direct through a bullhorn, barking orders from the shade. When they'd filmed "96,000" earlier that month on a couple of unseasonably frigid days, he had jumped in the Highbridge Park pool with the cast.

On this day, he darted around the courtyard, giving notes to actors, framing shots, conferring with Alice. He is also not the type to speak in mystical terms, but when he thinks back on that day, he remembers "the sun shining down like a laser-it was like the sun was shining out of everybody."

By late afternoon, the boundary between the make-believe world of the movie and the real world of the shoot had all but melted away. They had reached the part of the song where Usnavi and Daniela try to call forth their neighbors' pride in where they come from. Anthony climbed onto a picnic table and faced the whole cast, rapping, "Can we sing so loud and raucous they can hear us across the bridge in East Secaucus?" Daphne stood near him, arms wide apart, raising them up, willing everybody to stand tall, to keep going.

Both of them were throwing all their skill and commitment into their performances, the stars of two of Broadway's epoch-making musicals doing what they had trained to do. But they also weren't acting.

"To raise the flag for your country, to dance and recognize that we're all here together, and belong here, we don't need to be forgiven for it, or ashamed for it," says Daphne of what she was feeling. "There's a pride in being here from Colombia, or Panama, the D.R., Puerto Rico, Cuba, wherever."

At eight o'clock, with the sun sinking toward New Jersey, the dancers were still dancing. Eleven hours had passed since Daphne had belted out "Hey!" to start the song. Now Jon was trying to get the right take of sixty-plus voices shouting "Hey!" to finish it. In the movie version of the scene, the blackout ends when the song does, so a voice on the loudspeaker would announce, "The power's on!" That's how the actors knew the right moment to cheer that it was over.

After one such cheer, it really was over. Not just the take-the song.

They had done it. They had made the day.

Jon jumped into a swarm of dancers. (Ever see a baseball player hit a walk-off home run, then leap onto home plate into the waiting arms of his cheering teammates? That's what this jump looked like.) People were clapping and shouting and hugging and crying. Alice thought the whole thing was a miracle.

"You know when you see people at a concert cry, and you're like, 'I would never do that'?" asks costume designer Mitchell Travers. "That's what I did." He thinks it's the most sheer human energy he has ever been close to.

Anthony Ramos, in the middle of the crowd, launched into a speech. He can't remember his exact words. He hadn't planned what he was going to say-he hadn't planned to speak at all. He just felt that something needed to be said.

"I might have said, today we made history," he recalls. "This was for our ancestors who didn't get the opportunity to do this-who were fighting to have a chance to do what we just did. It was for love of the culture. It was for our kids, who look like us, to be able to see themselves on the big screen, to see us singing about our pride. Some s--- like that."

Somewhere in the crowd stood Dascha Polanco, cheering with the rest. She was sweaty, tired, tear-streaked-and beginning to feel the spirit move.

"I looked down and saw that concrete floor," she says, "and I saw those fire escapes up there, and I was like, 'New York.' "

She began a chant. It was slow and pitched low: "N-e-e-e-e-w York, N-e-e-e-e-w York." In seconds, the whole crowd took it up. "N-e-e-e-e-w York! N-e-e-e-e-w York!"

They were pointing to the sky. They were dancing.

"N-e-e-e-e-w York! N-e-e-e-e-w York!"

"It wasn't like chanting, 'Oh, I love New York,' " Anthony says later-meaning it wasn't a casual thing someone would casually say. "It was"-he drops his voice an octave and leans in-"I motherf---ing love New York. I'm proud to be from New York. I'm proud to be Latino from New York. That was the chant."

Lin, on his fire escape, was overwhelmed. Quiara, in the courtyard, guessed that people could hear them all chanting for blocks around. "It was the sound of joy and survival," she says. "And the sound of people who were really proud to be artists in community together-all our stories braided and interwoven at that one moment."

The long months of preparation had yielded the thing that movie people dream of creating: the burst of real emotion, the flash of genuine spontaneity. Some of it infuses what you see in the finished version of the song, but some of it can't be recovered now. It's an experience only for the people who got to be part of that impromptu celebration, the carnaval that followed "Carnaval."

That long day and its joyous finale capture, in miniature form, a lot of the Heights experience-what's powerful about it, what's rare. Instead of expecting little from the actors it featured, Heights demanded everything-not just what they could do, but who they were and where they came from. By fusing them with dozens of other artists making the same commitment, it gave them the feeling that Lin had wanted so badly for himself when he started writing the show: a sense of belonging, of being part of a group of people working toward a goal they all hold dear. That's why Anthony, looking back on filming "Carnaval," says, "That was one of the greatest days of my life. Period. If I never do another movie again, I did this."

"Something that arises in 'Carnaval' is a feeling of, 'There's a place for us,' " says Quiara. "But the place is not one that says, 'Oh, I definitely fit in' or 'I definitely don't.' It holds those questions. It allows those questions to exist."

Those questions, she has come to see, are universal.

"People are like, 'What is my place in the world?' That question is actually part of your place in the world," she says. "There's something about In the Heights. It takes such a burden off to hear, 'Yeah, there's a place for you. Here it is.'"

[the-sad-strawberry]

So, quite awhile ago, I made an "Alice: Madness Returns" au. Didn't get any traction but I made another drawing for it! :D I'm very proud of how it turned out, considering I did it in under an hour. It's Virgil as Alice again, but this time in the real world attire!

It's a little rough but it still looks pretty good!

This au has also just been living rent free in my brain since I first thought of it, and I would love to talk more about it! :D

[silverraes]

17 questions 17 people

tagged by @gustingirl ty!! :)

Nicknames: don’t really have a lot. People who know me irl usually call me Lu and (as you may be able to tell from my url lol) online I just go by Straw

Zodiac: pisces

Height: sth between 168-170cm idk

Last thing I googled: a bunch of rich sounding names for a story I’m writing lol

Song stuck in my head: Make a Wish, Nectar & Faded in My Last Song have been living in my brain rent free ever since the NCT 2020 album came out lmao

Number of followers: 351

Amount of sleep I got: I think I actually got around 9 hours of sleep last night? Idk my sleep schedule is just a whole mess at this point lmao

Lucky number: don’t really have one

Favorite song: oooh that’s hard. I actually have a whole spotify playlist of current favs but if I had to decide on just one, it would probably be Accident by Woodz. He really Did That™

Favorite instrument: I’ve never really thought about that? I guess I always thought ppl who could play violin, piano or bass were pretty cool? But honestly, I think all instruments can sound absolutely amazing

Dream job: yeahhhh I’m actually taking a year off after my abitur and am currently working a minjob bc I absolutely can not decide what I wanna do with my life so?

Aesthetic: oof. I love so many different kinds of aesthetics lmao. But if we’re talking about an aesthetic that describes me as a person? Probably just... all things nerdy/geeky? Like video games & energy drinks, books, fandom related collectibles, band shirts,...

Favorite author: I’d probably have to say Cassandra Clare & Rick Riordan since I’m basically just reading everything they publish lol. Maybe also Rainbow Rowell bc the Simon Snow books are just my absolute favs but I haven’t really read any of her other books apart from Fangirl. Oh, and @thisisworsethanitlookslike has been really getting me into Alice Oseman’s books lately

Favorite animal noise: uhm. I... don’t know? Lemme think about that one for another couple of days- 

Random: I don’t really know what to write here, my life has been hella uneventful lately lol

Tagging: I don’t really talk to anyone on here so I guess I’ll just tag @thisisworsethanitlookslike and a couple of ppl I see on here a lot and/or would like to get to know better? Y’all can ignore this if you want to lol @lil-feenz @killjoy-loveit @my-faves-said-gay-rights @the-chickennuggetoverlord @softxingdae @mxghost @ten-chittaphrrrr @briefpandaenthusiast @xiumins-marshmallwonhoe @hanstagrams @lil-flottante @suyunsgf @sleepy-nightingale

(Ik this isn’t 17 ppl but there aren’t 17 questions either and my internet connection is starting to give up on me so... just pretend there are 17 lmao)