#but actually harbored evil intentions

[wanglinta3049]

[zoloteh-volossya]

Some Thoughts on Minthara

A repeating theme of all of the Origin companions is that what they think they want at the beginning of the game is a result of their fucked up pasts and is ultimately bad for them. Shadowheart wants to be a DJ, but that cuts her off from the potential to grow beyond Shar and loss. Lae'zel wants to Ascend, which would obliterate her in her entirety. Karlach would rather die than go back to hell, but dying cuts off the potential continued life she may find thanks to that Infernal Forge. Astarion wants to Ascend, which locks him into a cycle of violence, power, and fear. Gale has two failures of goals - first to kill himself for Mystra's forgiveness, then to Ascend (which hollows him out of all the originally noble intentions he had going into it). Wyll wants to serve, no matter what the cost to himself - which would lead him to stay pacted to Mizora when freedom beckons.

All of these initial goals stem from the environments/abuses that the companions are coming from. And they're all understandable! But they're unhealthy and/or maladaptive, and so in order for every Origin companion to get to their best/happiest ending they need to change and grow away from what they initially thought they wanted due to the influence of their pasts and personal flaws.

Minthara, when we meet her under her own free will, has abandoned Lolth but not her attitudes. She seeks love, yes, but also seeks any sort of power she can get her hands on with a desperation borne of fear. She cares deeply for Karlach and Lae'zel and reluctantly for Astarion, Shart, and Gale, but is willing to enslave them all as she herself was enslaved if it makes her Top Dog. Her ideal ending is codependent evil power couple with you, controlling the brain - and I think that's her 'bad' ending, akin to Ascended Astarion or DJ Shart.

Basically, I think there’s two sides to her. There's the side that desires genuine connections and is willing to go to hell for Karlach even if unromanced... and the side that chases power even if it means doing things like enslaving Karlach. She wants purpose (per her dialogue upon leaving Moonrise), a home and friends (per her dialogue when leaving the party), and protection (per her dialogues with the player). I think if she was able to obtain those things through sources other than trying to conquer Menzoberranzan/the Sword Coast she might be able to express the former side of herself more.

We see a bit of that in her Karlach romance, where she throws aside all concerns of seeking power to go to hell for her girlfriend. She doesn't talk of conquering or ruling Avernus - her focus is purely on vengeance for Karlach. It's an interesting reevaluation of her priorities and also why I like her pairing with Karlach so much.

As a side character, she doesn't get a questline and arc like the Origin companions get. But I think that it is notable that her happiest ending seems to be staying in Baldur's Gate. In her epilogue dialogue with Origin!Lae'zel she confesses that she is not happy if she pursues reconquering Menzoberranzan, and harbors doubts about her ability to succeed.

Because ultimately - as Ascended Astarion shows - pursuing power and conquest does not actually make you happier or safer. It just means a life dominated by fear. Lolth's treatment of the drow - and thus the drow treatment of each other - has been compared by writers of canon D&D novels to an abusive relationship. And like so many other survivors of abuse, Minthy is out of the immediate situation but still carries that way of thinking worn into her psyche, like ruts in a road.

She’ll never be “nice” or even necessarily “good,” but I’d like to think that over time, in the right environment, she can leave behind most of the self destructive power seeking of the Lolthite mindset. Move on from the toxic patterns of her past, as the Origin companions get to do in game.

[natashasbanner]

Okay hear me out.

Rewatching the spirit board scene, it got me thinking. After Agatha stops messing around and the actual spirit makes itself known, it says Death is with them. Now you could take that as a throw away joke to circle back to whenever we get that big reveal, which I might have if it weren't for Rio's response to Evanora' ghost and the clear hatred she harbors for the woman.

So I ask, did Agatha's mother decide to execute her, not because she got ahold of the Darkhold, but because Agatha was messing around with Death herself?

Walk with me for a moment. They never mentioned that Agatha had the Darkhold at her execution in WandaVision. They just said she stole knowledge above her station, right? Right. It's implied, but never explicitly stated. And I don't know if it's intentional or not, but in that scene Agatha looks surprised when they blast her, but instead of killing her, she absorbs their power. Pair that with the aftermath of her unintentionally killing Alice (or not?) in the new episode and Agatha's mother saying she was evil from the moment she was born. Is it out of the realm of possibility to assume that Agatha's mother was warned about the abilities her daughter would possess and that's why she wouldn't teach her the craft in an attempt to stunt her powers? But in the end that's what brought about her own demise?

Plus, we know that whoever is in possession of the Darkhold, it turns their fingers black and not once in that flashback scene did her fingers change color (we're not gonna talk about how close I just got to my laptop screen to confirm this). And in the first episode of Agatha All Along, they never said how long she had the Darkhold and hid behind it's magic. Because you don't build the reputation that Agatha has being hidden since the 1700s, you know. Power is addicting and Agatha was chasing that high for centuries, leaving a trail of bodies for her lady in her wake.

I don't know. I could be overlooking something that unravels this theory, but the speculation is fun regardless.

[sepublic]

I like this duality I’ve noticed; Philip and by extension Jacob Hopkins insist aloud that they’re the Good Guy and how Camila calls this out as a red flag in and of itself, actually indicating they’re the Bad Guy. Hopkins in particular serves as a decent summation of Philip at his core; A man child deliberately out of touch with the reality around him, in order to entertain a flattering fantasy where he is the one who is more aware than the rest of these sheeple about this hidden threat among the Other that is absolutely there for him to defeat.

By contrast, Luz constantly asks and interrogates herself on whether she’s the Bad Guy, and it’s that self reflection, that willingness to consider other perspectives and view herself from them, that keeps Luz from becoming that; It’s what reassures those around her that she is indeed the Good Guy, because she is harboring no delusions that she necessarily is.

But critical examination is also there to give you conviction now that you are certain; After a constant, gaslighting crisis of ambiguity fed by Belos, the Titan doesn’t give Luz a “Maybe, if, under these circumstances” answer. He gives Luz what she really needs to hear, some much-needed certainty, by reassuring her that for whatever similarities she may have had with Belos, she is NOT him.

Because Luz is actually willing to critically examine herself, respect others’ perspectives and boundaries, and is ultimately approaching from a place of actual good intent where she wants people to be happy, included in, and contributing to a kinder world, instead of preferring removing them from the equation as a solution. Casting them out as rejects first; In the end, that’s just something people decide for themselves by refusing to co exist with others.

But Luz will always have open arms for those who are sincere about changing, and besides; She’s still a victim of abuse, she’s no Christian and is entitled to some anger and lack of forgiveness; There’s a lot to be said about performative niceness vs actual kindness. Those boundaries aren’t what could’ve made her evil.

[reyesranch]

“tommy is not even enthusiastic or excited to hangout with buck like he is eddie. he spends the entire episode laughing and smiling hanging out with eddie and whether or not that interest is romantic or platonic—“ im gonna stop you right there.

that’s THE difference. with buck and tommy currently dating, it’s 100% safe to assume tommy had only platonic intentions with eddie (because its kinda weird to think a gay man will automatically be into every guy they meet and can’t just be friends with them) but he’s romantically interested in buck. therefore the approach with buck is going to be much different.

does tommy even know if buck is queer? he definitely picked up on the vibes in the loft scene. but while you may interpret it differently, we can also interpret that tommy could be just as anxious to be the one to contact buck first to hang out, possibly in fear of rejection/reading the room wrong. the vibe of the harbor scene is flirtatious, maybe it’s difficult to see it the first time because hey, it’s two guys, but watching it back a second time it’s there and you can practically see tommy trying to feel out the vibe himself. he also tells buck to hit him up at the end. we didn’t get to see tommy’s side of it all. it could be implied tommy was also fishing for information about buck from chris, that tommy could have been hoping eddie would invite buck to hangout, we simply don’t know! but what i do know is that if tommy was to be a bad guy in the story, we would have known by now. 911 doesn’t exactly shy away from showing you who the villains are in the story.

furthermore,

why else would tommy kiss buck? because buck’s a dude and tommy’s desperate? the excuse that tommy is just wanting to get to the 118 is overused and ridiculous. he already has the 118. he’s friends with hen, chim and eddie outside of buck and bobby was his boss before too. is he getting a little small found family in return? sure, but to think tommy’s some evil mastermind about is… definitely a choice.

saying that tommy letting buck set the pace means he making buck do all the work is also just, completely fucking wrong. tommy letting buck set the pace means he cares, because he doesn’t want to pressure buck, he wants to make sure they’re moving at a speed buck is comfortable with. buck is a newfound bisexual, it’s actually pretty considerate for tommy to let buck take the reigns of the relationship.

then, to even imply tommy only might want buck for sex is also just, gross. if that’s all he wanted he would have been gone after their date. he wouldn’t agree for a second chance, he wouldn’t put in the effort to show up for buck. he could just go on grindr, it’s fucking los angeles dude. this is a guy ready for a steady, committed relationship.

im once again begging you guys to actually watch the show without any biases. you’d be able to understand and pick up on what is truly happening on your screen if you did.

addition: also to act like tommy has never smiled or laughed around buck… be for real.

[the-incorrigible-chaia]

[alt id]Two pages from the pamphlet "The Past Didn't Go Anywhere" by April Rosenblum, that read as follows:

it was a good try, but time to rethink.

on targeting “zionism”

A lot of activists work to avoid anti-Jewish oppression, and to make a distinction between Jewish people and Israeli misdeeds, by targeting their comments at "Zionists," not Jews, and "Zionism," not Judaism or Jewish culture. Unfortunately, this shortcut doesn't work.

First, it backfires because major, organized antisemitic movements also use the term, for the opposite purpose: to spread anti-Jewish ideology without looking so bad. That's why 2005's international conference, "Zionism As the Biggest Threat to Modern Civilization" was co-chaired by neo-nazi politician David Duke. For many antisemitic groups, “Zionists” are the demonic Jews controlling the world, Protocol-style; and “Zionism” is the general body of evildoing by Jews. Because we activists are only suspicious of Jew-bashing, not attacks on “Zionists,” their antisemitic imagery makes its way right into our circles. Second, because it replaces one one-dimensional image of a 'bad guy' with another. It bypasses the actual work of avoiding anti-Jewish oppression: reshaping how we think and talk about Jews and Israelis to see them as 3-dimensional human beings, capable of wrongdoing like any others. Finally, using the term "Zionists" doesn't protect Jews. It just makes people who bomb Jewish schools, synagogues, etc., call the people they're killing Zionists.

Principled anti-Zionism has little to do with the fake "Zionism" that antisemites like Duke attack. There are many rational reasons why some people are opposed to the philosophy that there should be a Jewish state, just as lots of rational reasons motivate others to believe a Jewish state is neccessary.*

There's no shame in thinking critically toward Zionism. But in a world of unresolved antisemitism, there's also no getting out of fighting this oppression head on.

*For instance: An anti-Zionist might rationally oppose Zionists' having consciously established a state where they did, knowing that this would lead to dispossessing the Palestinian people. A Zionist might observe that Jews' vulnerability was linked to being a permanently small minority and support Jews having one place where they are the governing majority.

innoculate your Palestine work against antisemitism

If you're white, understand: When you take no action to stop anti-Jewish patterns in our movements, you set Palestinians, Arabs and Muslims up to take the fall. Though historic Left mistreatment of Jews has largely been a legacy of white, European/American movements, Arabs and Muslims are the ones who today get publicly scapegoated for charges of Left antisemitism. Don't let them pay the price. Take the struggle on.

Beware of saying Israel is the only country doing anything, or the worst case of any given injustice; it’s often not true, and it gets used to justify global violence against Jews. Know and speak about countries guilty of similar offenses. This not only guard against danger to Jews; it brings a global perspective that strengthen the fights of all peoples, even while we focus on Palestinians.

Be specific about the injustice you're talking about. For instance, don’t jump into generalizations like “Israelis are like Nazis.” Focus on the original thought that led there; ie, “Israeli policies like [blank] treat Palestinians as if they’re not human.”

Remember that, as with every oppression, it’s possible to spread antisemitic ideas without necessarily harboring any ill will toward Jews. Stay open to re-evaluating tactics, even though you know your intentions are positive and just.

Don't casually use one-dimensional, charicatured portrayals of cruel Israelis. Rather than sensationalizing Israelis, and compounding anti-Jewish oppression in a world that already paints Jews as evil, help people see Palestinians: real people, suffering daily injustice, both mundane and extreme, and deserving of global attention.

At the center of Palestinians’ struggle for freedom and human dignity is their human and legal Right to Return to their land. But there are real reasons why Jews around the world fear losing majority control of Israel. (See p. 25.) If you fight for the Right to Return, understand the implications it could have for Jews in a world where anti-Jewish oppression has not been solved. Consider what role you can play in bringing about global safety for Jewish people.

If people use opposition to the term 'antisemitism' to shut down discussion, by all means, speak of anti-Jewish oppression. But speak of it. Don't let fellow activists silence conversation about antisemitism by complaining that the word is wrong, and blaming Jews for the problem. (See page 6.)

Above all, remember:

Taking care to resist antisemitism is not about walking on eggshells or acquiescing to pressure. It's about making a greater commitment to refusing to take part in oppression - and building movements that can win.

[end id]

[awakentheeldritchabomination]

First Random Writing Dump

CW: mentions of self harm and emotional abuse

As decreed by the poll, most of ya’ll seem fine with a little bit of word vomit, and since I have some time, I’m just gonna spew a bit of my thoughts on my version of Charlie so far. It won’t be much, just a jumbled list of rough ideas. I don’t know how set I am with these, but here goes:

- They may or may not be renamed

- They use they/them pronouns but don’t correct people who misgender them; they find gender to be an odd concept, and they can’t quite grasp why people care so much about it

- They know a lot about human history but have not personally interacted with many people beyond what is necessary (until later)

- Their capacity to empathize with the plight of humans comes from guilt, their mother, who is still going to be Lilith… maybe…., a horrific chance encounter, and their relationship with V (gotta pick a name for her lol)

- Still, growing up in a privileged position largely removed from the sinners’ reality while being surrounded by reminders that these people invited suffering through their own wickedness has given them this sense of innate superiority; they are semi-aware of the fact that their elitist mindset exists and is not…great…but they prefer to bury it under toxic positivity and pretend it’s not an issue

- They have been trained to fight (heaven and hell are still basically at war, after all), but they’ve never had a real battle, and they’ve certainly never killed anyone before; the weight of dealing death terrifies and paralyzes them

- They are aware of what they are, and they deeply fear what they are capable of

- They are not very well acquainted with their demonic form, and they’d rather not be; it’s often triggered by ugly feelings they don’t want to confront

- Yeah, they’ve got some things going on deep down. Beneath the sunshine and rainbows and genuinely good intentions, there’s this raw, wriggling darkness, gnawing on their insides like maggots; they don’t know why

- Spoilers: it’s the manipulation and emotional abuse Lucifer subjected them to as well as the resentment harbored against both parents for deciding to bring a child into a realm meant as an eternal torture chamber for evil people; they don’t consciously recognize the abuse they experienced because of strategic subtly, gaslighting, and isolation from other experiences. Both they and Lilith know something about Lucifer is off, and it creates this eerie, underlying fear that permeates every interaction, yet neither of them know how bad it actually is; Also Lilith likes to make excuses just like: “Oh, don’t be like that. He’s just doing whatever coz he loves you :)”

- Their warring sides will come to a head; the anger inside them will boil over, and they will be a terror

- Lucifer cuts them off after a falling out that occurs because of the hotel proposal; they will only be accepted back once they’ve “come to their senses”

- Charlie and Alastor have a weird relationship; they’ve got this yin-yang, mirrored image thing going on; they:

1. Are both biracial and are torn between different worlds

2. Have distanced themselves from one (their blackness. Yeah, Charlie is technically half black. But it’s a little more about their relation to the whole of humanity for them), but while one is actively trying to seek it out, the other has been conditioned to avoid it

3. Are performers (which will play a role in discussions of identity, y’know, what it means to perform an aspect of identity; what is whiteness vs blackness; queerness vs heteronormative ideals; how we generally define them and individually express them. But it’s also just “hey, we both like doing a thing. Oh, wow. Neat.”)

4. Have a volatile amount of anger that makes them violently lash out

5. Have strictly opposing yet similarly extreme moral principles

this will also be present in their designs (they have opposing coloration: blue vs red, white on black vs black on white, etc.); then there’s the wolf vs deer thing… I feel like I’d need a separate post to go through all that. I feel like this is already a lot lol

- They kinda feel conflicted about being friends with Al because he allows them to cut loose a bit and have fun, and they weirdly enough have a bit in common….but like…. dude ate people…..uhhhhhhh (does that make them a bad person if they like a literal murderer?), but then they think “I’m not supposed to judge. I’m supposed to help (and I’m totally fine….right….?). Meanwhile, V’s just like, “No, babe, please judge”

- They don’t like absolute silence, and they don’t like being alone; it allows their mind to wander into dangerous places; since Alastor is a literal radio that spits out music and static constantly, they sometimes just seek him out when their thoughts are too loud. Like, he just becomes a sentient noise machine for them basically

- Charlie’s got a habit of chewing on things when they’re nervous—pens, the inside of their cheek, their nails—coz dog (or….wolf….dragon….thingy); it’s usually harmless, but when they feel especially bad, they bite themselves (sometimes they bite the stuffing out of pillows as a substitute); when they start to more aggressively gnaw on their nails, V usually tries to guide their hand away

- They hide under the bed when they are feeling particularly miserable and anxious

There’s a lot more crap brewing, and I didn’t go into as much detail as I could have…. But I think that’s enough for maybe the week idk. If anyone’s at all curious, I might make another post about V or something.

Leave thoughts in the notes if you wanna!

[9w1ft]

hi anon,

i guess for me, my understanding of i-D being restructured is that it was at a point where it was going to happen regardless of whether or not karlie invested in it. because VICE, the company that owned it, had filed for bankruptcy. actually i think everyone was going to be fired and all of i-D was going to disappear. karlie invested and i-D has been working to make their business model sustainable again, leading to people being laid off.

actually there was a games media site called waypoint, which operated under VICE for several years before it was shut down completely, that i was a follower of, and i frequently listened to their podcasts, and i picked up on a ton of information about how shitty the VICE culture and management is, how they buy things and ruin them through mismanagement and a lack of professionalism, and i picked up on this vicariously through the podcast and by following a lot of the people who were involved in it via social media for many years. this gives a greater context to me about i-D’s situation as it relates to VICE.

so to me, actually, it reads more like karlie stepped in and salvaged i-D, a magazine she cares about and a lot of her fashion industry friends care about, from being lost forever.

i really think people always assume the worst of karlie. some of that is on her because she’s not always the best communicator, but so much of the i-D stuff that people have pinned on her is complete conjecture based on a picture people have painted of karlie of being an inherently mean and evil person. and i don’t think she’s a mean and evil person. i think for a lot of people who are taylor swift fans, we can’t even agree on this point, and so i don’t find it productive to discuss it much in an online forum. but i know there are people like you out there anon, so, i’ll attempt saying a little more.

think of people in your life that you admire, or public figures or celebrities that you enjoy. if you went looking, i guarantee you could find faults in every person. dealbreakers, even. and i bet you haven’t cancelled all of them. so i think this suggests that there is a way that humans make it work.

as someone who has followed karlie for many years now and has watched basically every interview of her and all these moves from her, i feel like i understand the circumstances and conditions that lead up to her saying things or doing things that arent perfect, that are taken the wrong way, that can cause harm, when it’s really not intentional and just karlie being karlie. (i feel the exact same way about taylor by the way)

and for me, i am very confident that if i ever were to sit down with her and talk to her about how i feel about any number of issues that she would see my point of view. or that over time she will find her way. again, i feel the exact same way about taylor. because i feel that i have come to know her and the type of personality she has and i know at the end of the day the things she does are coming from a well meaning place, so it’s more a matter of direction. there are a lot of people in this world where i believe this is not the case and i harbor very different feelings for them.

i dont think this entirely answers your question but this is the gist of what i’ve decided to write.

[augment-techs]

What If: Cameron was trained by Deker before Ninja Storm to be a dark samurai?

Vague thoughts, because this is all about vague thoughts:

This would either have to include Deker stealing a small child, the said small child gaining his attention, or Cam literally hunting Deker down to train him.

Given that Deker doesn't have a parental bone in his body, we can assume this would come about through the third option, given Sensei Watanabe's treatment of Cam and possibly rubbing him in the worst way possible.

Technically, this does not fly in the face of the CURRENT ninja academy rules, so unlike with Lothor, he wouldn't be disowned or forbidden from contact, but it sort of begs the question of who the hell is running things to keep literally everything from going down the tubes when Lothor does attack.

Maybe Cam would be willing to jump in to protect his dad from dying, and possibly dig up the Morphers for the students that were late that day, but he would probably make it his mission to try and take on Lothor himself.

Which would actually be useful in intercepting the Thunder Ninja duo before Lothor tricked them into believing it was Sensei that killed their parents. Make the lot of them a Trio with dark, biker vibes.

I could go with the idea that Tori would want to save Cam from the darkness he set himself within to escape what he believes is his father's control over his life--but she would fail.

Then Dustin and Shane would try--and they would fail.

Hunter and Blake would both be too caught up in their own darkness to address the chip on Cam's shoulder, and definitely would want in on the super secret training with a half-Nighlok that technically Cam wouldn't be disinclined to sharing lessons with. Which would make things a lot worse when Lothor's minions attacked both the rangers and their territory and their friends.

In a very fun turn of events, I think the ones that would have to make Cam realize he was fucking up would be his cousins.

Because, for real, the whole downplaying their abilities and mentality thing just to lower the Ranger's guard? That was some bullshit. And they might want Lothor's approval, but they're still young adults, and depending on how the timeline is played with--Cam's same age.

If Cam tried to attack either of them to get to Lothor, Kapri would be massively offended. She would probably pick up a boulder as heavy as a truck and just TOSS it at him to make him knock it the fuck off. And if he kept going, she'd beat the crap out of him and then just...drop him off at the Wind Ninja Academy.

She wouldn't want him on the ship with the Generals on board, and she wouldn't want Uncle to get it into his head that this was something MORE than a family issue that needed to be addressed. THEY were the evil ninjas on the planet, they didn't need an angsty grey-morality samurai making things harder.

Also Kapri is Pink and Cam would DEFINITELY maintain his Green. It's her JOB to knock sense into him.

But it's Marah's (Orange) job to teach him a lesson.

I can easily see her sneaking off the ship to secretly provide the Rangers with tech assistance when they aren't looking, dropping off "gifts" at the motorbike shop in disguise that could help them with new monster attacks, cornering Sensei Watanabe to have conversations about her aunt/his dead wife while tossing him around like a toy, and--for bonus points--crashing Cam and the brothers' sessions with Deker to snag their weapons and morphers.

Then the cousins lure Dayu to Blue Bay Harbor and tell Cam a little story about selling your soul with good intentions that can end horrifically.

I would also like to use this as an opportunity for Tori to be more than The Only Girl. SHE GETS TO LEAD THE NINJA STORM RANGERS even after Cam and the brothers are convinced to at LEAST team up with them against Lothor.

And use this as a chance for Sensei to get his head out of his ass and recognize things for what they are.

Relationships: Deker/Dayu; Hunter/Cam/Shane; Tori/Kapri; Blake & Dustin & Kelly & Marah. Additional Tags: Lothor & Kanoi Reconciliation; The Watanabe Adults actually TRY to be SOMETHING akin to Responsible; Cameron actually gets to have some REAL teen angst bullshit; Tori being super gay for Kapri; Cam attracting Red Rangers because of broodiness; Marah accidentally ended up with three simps and has no idea; Cam gets sunburned SO MUCH.

[do-androids-dream-ao3acc]

BuckTommyWhumpWeek, Day 1 Canon Typical Injury

All the Pain, Chapter 1 | Read on AO3 | In this chapter (CW): Buck is trapped under rubble. | @bucktommywhumpweek

It’s the same dream. He’s been having it for weeks now, maybe longer. It's a strange dream, but not a nightmare; a nightmare in which Tommy appears is unthinkable. Buck is sitting next to Tommy, who is looking ahead intently, one hand resting relaxed on the cyclic control. He’s got this, no need to worry, and Buck doesn’t. It’s also unthinkable to worry when Tommy’s there. This seems to be a casual flight, like one of those sightseeing flights that you can book at Harbor. Except Buck’s not sitting next to just any pilot but his boyfriend.

“Hey, Tommy,” he says, and Tommy turns to him briefly and smiles.

“You good?” he asks, and Buck can't help but smile too as, before them, just above the horizon, the sun rises.

That’s it. That’s always the end of this dreamscape. It’s a nice little dream, one in which he feels safe, and when he wakes up, the smile is still on his face and he feels good.

Not today, though.

The dream may be the same as always, but Buck doesn't feel the same. Not like someone with a smile on his face and a warm feeling in his stomach. Although, he does feel warm. But also… wet, and sticky. What a strange morning, Buck thinks, why are my eyes so heavy? Heavy and kind of hard to open.

Maybe he’s still dreaming. Happens sometimes, right? You slip from one image of your mind into the other, often feeling uncomfortable, mainly because the body has an urgent need. Might just be a need to pee, but somehow you’re not waking up, because melatonin, cortisol and serotonin are still in the mix.

These are odd thoughts, but it is obviously a very odd morning.

Is it morning, though? Buck can’t even remember going to sleep. In fact, he can’t remember much at all. All he knows is that something seems to be dripping on his face - maybe it’s raining? Is that why his eyes are so heavy? Finally, he manages to crack them open.

The world is a blur, at least in the beginning. It’s all very confusing, and actually, he doesn’t feel so good, but it’s hard to pinpoint what’s wrong. It feels as if all of his senses kick in one after the other, as if somebody flipped a switch. First his eyes – it's not that he can't see anything, there just doesn't seem to be anything to see. It's dark, but not so dark that Buck can't make out the flakes of dust in the air, dancing in a very gray, dull light. Then, a scent hits his nose. Strange, even the smell seems somehow gray to him. It smells of dust, he realizes, he can taste it on his tongue. Dust with a hint of a burning. Maybe somebody’s having a barbecue in the neighborhood. But which neighborhood, exactly?

Now, several sensations hit him at once. He’s on the floor. There’s a constant cracking and crunching around him. The moisture on his forehead… it’s blood, isn’t it?

Buck’s heavy eyes widen. If this isn't a dream, then what's coursing through his veins now is adrenaline. It's not because it's so dark that he can hardly see anything. That’s one reason, yes. But it’s mainly because the ceiling is only a hand's breadth away from his face. I’m lying on the floor with the ceiling in my face. How can that be? he thinks, but the answer just isn’t coming.

What is coming, though, what’s now flowing into his consciousness, roaming his neural pathways like some evil thunderstorm, is pain. That’s bad. The realization is almost as bad as the hurt. It’s overwhelming, and for a second, Buck can’t breathe. Is that how a first responder reacts, dumbass? The voice in his head is his own, because nobody can reprimand Buck like Buck himself. It helps, a little. His breath comes in gasps, but he breathes. He’s alive, he can fix this. Whatever this is. Whatever happened, and he’s absolutely got no idea what actually happened, it must have been some kind of accident. Yeah, Buck, but what kind of accident turns the ceiling upside down?

It's not the whole ceiling, of course. Dust and tiny stones or lumps of mortar trickle down on him. There's hardly any room to dodge as Buck turns his head a little – that hurts, thank you very much – to avoid breathing the stuff in. He needs to focus on what’s hurting rather than finding out what happened. Maybe it was an earthquake, happens in California. Buildings collapse all the time for other reasons, too. People get trapped under rubble. That happened to him, didn't it?

He tries to take a deep breath. It works, that’s good. It’s not his chest that’s hurting. His head, yes, but that can’t be it. Buck’s having trouble focusing, but this he knows. That's far from the whole story. What are the odds to get away with only scratches when the ceiling comes down on you? Then again, lately, Buck’s been the happiest guy on earth, right?

There’s a thought. Blinking, he tries to grasp it, hold on to it, because there’s something… there’s a name on his tongue, and it tastes good, way better than this dusty air around him. It’s still out of his reach. Wait. Buck tries to direct his confused thoughts to his hands, to move his fingers. He can’t see them, and for a very long, very frightful second he thinks they’re gone. They’re not, stupid. Buck raises a shaky hand, which can only just scrape across his stomach. It’s the same for the other one too. Not enough space to lift them higher;there’s just rubble to the right and left and above him anyway.

Two things, Buck, he thinks, a bit clearer. First, no rubble on his chest or stomach, which is good. Second, he knows the source of his pain. And that is not good. His eyes have now adjusted to the darkness, but there’s still not much to see. The ceiling above him was probably white once, but now everything is gray, as if a huge veil of dust has settled over everything. To the front, across his stomach, he can see the tons of stone above him are tapering. There seems to be more space behind his head, and if he is not mistaken a vague breeze comes from there. That's good. Conclusion, Buckaroo?

The voice in his head sounds a lot like Chimney now, and there's a reason for that, isn't there? Because Chimney could probably determine the angle at which this piece of ceiling crashed onto Buck. In any case, it didn't fall down straight, otherwise he’d be as flat as a pancake by now. It fell at an angle, suggesting that there was resistance behind Buck’s head - perhaps more rubble, a piece of furniture, something strong enough to cushion the impact a little. Enough for him to breathe. Enough to survive.

The rest of the ceiling, which is impossible to avoid thinking about any longer, is on Buck's legs. At least that’s what he’s assuming, because it might just be that his right leg is on fire, or sawed off, or no, being gnawed on by some ferocious monster. It’s no consolation that it’s not the left one, this time, because he can’t really feel that one. It’s hard to tell if it’s still there. The other one, though… Up and down, the pain comes in waves, and it will not stop as long as the masses of stone exert this force that weighs tons. He can picture it very clearly: split skin, broken bones, ruptured blood vessels. He’s spiraling, close to a panic attack. Buck knows the signs, and he can hear his frantic breaths.

He needs to think, to treat this like riding the waves of the ocean, swimming in their rhythm to master them. Where exactly was he when this ceiling came down? It seems quite unlikely to him that his loft would be destroyed this way. This is not the way to build apartment complexes in an area that’s at risk of earthquakes. Is it Maddie’s apartment? For a moment, it feels as if the stones are crushing his chest after all. If this a wave, it’s another tsunami, and it's impossible to ride.

Remember. A different voice this time. Remember, Evan.

And he remembers.

---

(this chapter was beta-read by @lavenderleahy, thank you!)

[neos-schlond-poofa]

Idk your post just gave weird and judgmental vibes like of course irl we wouldn’t want someone like Miranda. she’s fictional and there are certain aspects of her that make her interesting to us. I’m all for the slander but like I need ppl to remember differences between fiction + reality and that Miranda stans are sane (I know, crazy right) and wouldn’t actively seek someone like her irl -💩 anon

Okay, so I'd just like to start this off with, I really don't mean any ill intentions towards Miranda stans. I know most of you guys are fairly normal people who just have an obsession with her.

I will admit, yeah, I am being judgmental. I do find it weird when people absolutely glamorize Miranda and her relationship with MC, and that just fuels my hate for Miranda more. She's already a bad character (in the sense of actions; she's a fairly well written character in both RL and RE universes, and I always will admit when a character I don't like is still well-written), and the fact that the fandom kind of... doesn't accept that worsens it. Like, yeah. Most are like "she's so evil BUT she's my wife too" but then continue to ignore how evil she is!! She throws pens at MC!! I'm never getting over that I'm so sorry.

But. IF YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING LIKE. Her evilness is never acknowledged properly, it's ignored, which leads to the romanticization of her and her route. Does this make sense??

When I see Miranda stans just absolutely adoring her, it does come off weird too. You say fiction isn't reality, but to see people cherish a toxic partner in media? It does come off weird. Like. If she wasn't even related to romance too (like if Miranda x MC didn't exist), wouldn't be as much of a problem. But she is. She's literally (and sadly) destined to be with MC, and people love that, they wish they were in a relationship with her too (FICTIONALLY. I KNOW ITS NOT IRL, BUT LIKE, YOU GET WHAT I MEAN??).

Obviously, not going to get into details, but I was in a toxic relationship before with someone who is literally a Miranda. And it does come off really weird to see people be literally in love with the idea of a relationship with her. I'm much more neutral on RE Miranda; that's just silly slander, Ethan's not trying to get with her. That's just a villain. But RL Miranda is quite literally just a toxic partner. I will go into a deep-dive one day about it, and I have to be honest, I do judge some Miranda fans for the things they say about her. I get y'all won't actually seek out a relationship with her in the real world but... fiction still DOES affect reality. And her glamorization of a toxic relationship and partner is very much present in this fandom and it will add onto my slander for her. I don't mean to actively hurt the feelings of any Miranda stans with my post; it's just me being a hater towards Miranda, and I don't want my ideals to be misinterpreted. I get how the caption for my last edit does that, I will admit that. But all my hatred is really just targeted at her.

So basically, no hate meant to Miranda fans, I get fiction isn't reality but it DOES affect it (I've spoke about this before with Donna), and I get you guys don't actually want a relationship with Miranda. This is NOT intended to be an attack on Miranda stans; any negative feelings I harbor are purely towards Miranda.

Toodles, that one anon who's name I can't say because it'll shadowban my post.

[h7p3r4ct1v3-h0rn3t2]

2 family, 14 goals and intentions, 21 fears, 29 quirks and personal habits, and 34 feelings about themself for spencer nkotr

this is really scary . anyway

Despite being the first item on the list, i am writing this paragraph last . because i don't. know!!! I don't have, like, any solid headcanons on spencer's family . The wikipedia article for hipster (contemporary subculture) says that "A running theme of hipsters is having parents who are supporters of former President Ronald Reagan." so yeah that's my headcanon. her parents were reagan fans. fuck,

So... 14 for goals let's talk about goals. Spencer strikes me as kind of directionless . yknow considering the whole 'How can we be expected to actually do anything' sentiment she expresses in that one scene. However ☝️If i had to guess I'd say she probably wants Some kind of Thing in the film/acting industry. considering the fact that she got that job from Plymouth Rock Studio, the Film Studio that employed the new kids on the rock. so

21 for fears i love fear . So I talk about that one line at 4:50-something in which she expresses the opinion that thinking about an action is morally equivalent to performing it and how that's pretty much the textbook definition of thought-action fusion which is a symptom of ocd yadda yadda we all know. considering this i have decided that she can a little moral scrupulosity ocd. as a curse. So Therefore i think a lot of her fears have to do with like. What if she is uniquely evil and a danger to those around her and stuff . which sucks for her ig .like rip

Let's Get Quirky up in this bitch with number 29 . first thing that comes to mind is i think she's weird with idioms. not in the sense that she doesnt get them when other people say them because she does! she understands. but also she's kind of on some unabomber shit when She says them . she's out here talking about Eating your cake and having it too . also this is, like, canon but she does air-quotes weird. as demonstrated in that one scene where they are filming and she;s like "So what should i be doing in this, Quote, [left air-quote] Video, Unquote [right air-quote]" which isnt how youre supposed to do them, you do both at once and you don't say them phonetically because youre already DOING THEM WITH YOUR HANDS

Number 34 for Feelings about themself. [cracking my knuckles as if in preparation for a fight] i think that , due largely in part to reasons previously stated, Spencer harbors a lot of self-loathing. which is typical for, like, most 20-somethings, especially ones with the Worrying Youre A Bad Person disorder. However rather than doing, like, anything healthy to fix that she channels it into gatekeeping shitty indie bands and making various statements about how [X] is the new [Y]. (those are variables i am not talking about the letters) . Of course, we're talking abt John Repression over here so this is all hidden behind a very thin layer of a pseudo-superiority complex . you'd have to waterboard the whole self-loathing thing out of her

this is probably missing certain elements of things but erm.. thog dont caare im gonna go make myself some hashtag ramen . thankl you mondayu for asking me abt the spence

[therealslimshakespeare]

I wonder, did the conversation that Egan references in the last chapter, between Benny and Maureen is the same one which you talked about in one of the asks, where he essentially yells at her for worrying Gale and putting pressure on him (the one that leads to needless friction between couple and gets resolved as soon as Gale realised why Maureen was distancing herself from him)? Because in the last chapter she seemed so downcast and broke my heart, and I know that Benny did it out of good intentions but I honestly don’t think that was necessary to do. I get that he’s worried about everyone’s safety and probably doesn’t know how to react, but I’m pretty sure that it’s in the text that Maureen knew that the disappearing act was fucked up and she would strive to get better without that confrontation. I don’t know I guess I have a lot of feelings about yelling at the rape and abuse survivor about what’s wrong with her while she’s still in high risk situation and it rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t want to blame Benny as I really like his character, or at least your take on him, but I think she knows what’s wrong with her. I appreciate Egan’s approach so much more to that situation. I feel like I represent a lot of the same copying mechanism as Maureen and it felt like something that would really hurt me, even if what’s Benny was saying was true (but if I’m not wrong she knew all of that already). That being said, I don’t judge characters due to those stalag arguments, it’s a very stressful, dangerous and just plain bad place to be so tensions running high is perfectly normal and it shows your strengths as a writer to convey it so beautifully

Ahh your last bit is exactly the crux of it, and as a writer I’m not writing these arguments with clear cut good and evil sides. That’s reserved for other conflicts. These sorts happen all the time in real life between friends and associates and like you said, in the stalags it’s worsened all the more! And the impulse to vilify one or the other after I write it is kinda alarming to me, like- please tell me yall aren’t doing that in real life? *nervous laugh* so, I massively appreciate you saying that.

Ok as for rationale-

Yes, she already knew it was fucked up. She already intended to try to get a grip; she is, as you mentioned, going the fuck through it. And Bucky’s method would certainly be my preferred, Ida doesn’t even need a method she just gets it but we will see some resolution soon anyway, and that’s what I would want to get if I was near her. But as for Benny-

He is her pilot, ya know? like yes, Gale too, but if there’s anyone technically closer to her than just a buddy or a lover or a major but instead is a superior who has gone up to the blue skied hell with her a couple dozen times, it’s him. They may butt heads but they respect the fuck out of each other and he knows she can be better than this. That’s him being rationale, yet on the irrational side, Benny is quietly losing it from being the only one (ok Jack guessed and Ida pried) to know what happened to Gale.

And Sanchez.

Which I think really drives his anger at someone frazzling Cleven who he already has such loyalty to, but is also harboring how much trauma this man is also shouldering and he just fucking loses it for him.

I genuinely don’t see Benny yelling, exactly, just in terms of mannerisms he seems more of the scary intense eye contact, hand in your flight jacket and the really brutal relaying of the information that you’re a fucking disappointment right now. Tempered by, WTF is wrong with you wanna talk about it?

Aaand I think that’s when she admits she’s got some severe fuckin amnesia from those brutal interrogations. And- yeah generally speaking she’s really not ok thanks for asking but she’s gonna try

So, Benny is not heartless, but he’s also mildly driven by emotion here. Just as Maureen has been. They’re actually loads closer after this. And he’d be the first to point out she’s being distant…which she didn’t even mean to be, in my mind. But look at how she acts with Bucky, she’s just hollowed out and Gale sorta freaks from that.

[teenagegirlhell]

Lisa Swallows: What if Frankenstein were just a girl?

Set in the same universe as Jennifer’s Body (but 20 years earlier), Lisa Frankenstein follows the troubled adolescence of Lisa Swallows, a teenage girl isolated from her peers and living with her father and evil stepmother after her mother is brutally killed by an axe murderer. Struggling to fit in both at school and in her own home, Lisa channels her emotions into her hobbies, namely sewing and reading to gravestones in the town’s infamous Bachelor’s Grove Cemetary. After a particularly stormy night in which ball lightning strikes the gravestone of her favorite bachelor, a reanimated Victorian corpse appears at her doorstep, and, like any teenage girl with a fondness for the macabre, Lisa takes him in and cares for him. Thus Cody flips the script of Mary Shelley’s original narrative: instead of a young male doctor who brings a horrid creature to life and promptly abandons it, the story follows a teenage girl who willingly adopts a dirty and foul-smelling beast for no reason other than that she sympathizes with him and is eager to help him. 

Caption: The Creature's initial appearance is not easy on the eyes (or nose).

The filmic woman’s ability to show compassion for the monstrous is a concept that Linda Williams thoroughly explores in regard to classic horror cinema in her essay “When the Woman Looks.” When applied to a more campy and comedic modern take on the monster movie, her analysis still resonates, revealing “a surprising (and at times subversive) affinity between monster and woman, the sense in which her look at the monster recognizes their similar status within patriarchal structures of seeing” (Williams 62). In Lisa Frankenstein, a young woman disenfranchised by her surroundings finds strength in and identifies with the Creature’s similarly marginalized physical form, lacking the appearance of a stereotypical and socially acceptable man. In fact, his lack is more than societal: he’s actually missing pieces of his body. As Lisa and the Creature work together to replace his absent body parts, they effectively defy and punish the patriarchal system that oppresses them, castrating (both figuratively and literally) the narrative’s male hegemony.

Caption: After the initial shock of having a dead man appear in her bedroom, Lisa and the Creature bond almost instantly.

Lisa and the Creature’s relationship near the beginning of the film notably lacks any romantic feelings. Instead, Lisa views him as more of a close friend, engaging in “girl talk” with him and gushing about her latest crush, Michael Trent. Thus their bond is not a result of heterosexual attraction; rather, it stems from their identification as othered from the rest of society. Lisa’s marginalized gender aside, even as a woman she fails to live up to the patriarchy’s standard of her as bright, bubbly, and a little bit dumb. Her stepsister Taffy checks all of these boxes, acting as Lisa’s foil as the traditional American cheerleader. Therefore it’s Taffy who ends up with Michael, who receives all the doting affection of their parents, who ultimately survives in the end. Though Lisa harbors no animosity for Taffy, even gifting her late mother’s rosary to her before her death, Taffy shines in the narrative as the ideal woman. Lisa’s inability to fit into that role thus drives her closer and closer to the Creature, a figure who mirrors her lack in the face of patriarchal society on a more corporeal level.

Caption: Lisa stands out among her peers as alternative, edgy, and "weird."

Once the Creature kills Lisa’s evil stepmother and cuts off her ear to use as his own, Lisa makes an astounding discovery that she can reanimate and synthesize amputated body parts with her stepsister’s tanning bed (after all, it does produce electricity). This leads the two on a mission to kill as they search for the next body part: a hand. Lisa is quite intentional in picking her next victim: her lab partner Doug, who sexually assaulted her at a party. Using a method similar to Jennifer Check, she lures him out into the woods after school with the promise of sexual favors only to chop off his hand and kill him. She punishes him because she knows the law never would, her only form of justice being that the hand that touched her without consent has been forcibly detached from his body. In a way, the narrative has elements of the rape-revenge genre, but less emphasis is placed on the revenge and more on the construction of an ideal male, a male crafted through the female gaze. 

Caption: The Creature lands the final blow on Doug, chopping his hand off with an axe.

However, the Creature’s synthesis lacks a final, vital part: a penis. As opposed to a woman, who in the eyes of the male gaze is symbolically castrated, the Creature has actually been castrated in a physical sense. Thus he occupies a similar positionality as a woman within the confines of the male gaze as “a biological freak with impossible and threatening appetites that suggest a frightening potency precisely where the normal male would perceive a lack” (Williams 63). Though Lisa makes it a point to acknowledge the Creature’s manhood even without a phallus, his threat to the patriarchy becomes a gruesome and violent one as he severs the penis of Lisa’s crush, Michael. Initially viewed as an act of petty revenge for sleeping with Lisa’s sister, the castration of the ideal man establishes the creation and final form of a subversive male figure, one who was created by a godlike woman with the power to reanimate. 

Caption: Lisa and the Creature share a tender moment in the throes of murderous passion.

Lisa’s murderous tendencies are therefore justified by the creation of a man who defies patriarchal norms, synthesizing an oppositional romance that prioritizes the female gaze and situates woman as creator. Though she is punished for this, meeting her demise in the very tanning bed that reanimated the creature, her rebellion against the patriarchal norm and inception of a subversive male figure indicates the indomitable spirit and revolutionary potentialities of the teen girl protagonist.

[suuho]

ok i finally got to watch the finale of the worst of evil and i'm feeling....... conflicted?? i loved how dramatic it was but,,,, it didn't satisfy me all the way??? maybe i just need to sleep so my brain will start working again lol but idk idk idk. anyway,, what did you think about it? i'm always very very much interested in your opinion about media! <3

how insane was that finale. like, i genuinely cannot believe i perceived all of that today, like... what do you mean. what do you mean there won't be a new episode next week??? no more unhinged shenanigans on my television??? unacceptable. can't even begin to comprehend that. this is excessively long, so under the cut.

now, for my opinion on it... in general, i am actually satisfied. from the beginning, a few things were obvious and they followed through. considering gicheol's role in the show, as a literal drug trafficker, i expected him to die, and i was not surprised when or that he died; the moment he uttered that he wanted a normal life and leave the union, the writing was more than just on the wall. i was more surprised by how they handled that, because in a way i could have expected it but on the other hand, all the events leading up to gicheol's death were, just. fucking insane. especially if you look at junmo's and gicheol's relationship, which at the end of the day was the focal point of the show, just as much as the character of junmo. the scene in the car at the harbor was so loaded and i feel like in a way it was obvious but it still caught me off guard. by the time gicheol sat in the car and the entirety of gangnam union was busted without him? because junmo gave him an out, forced him into an out by literally handcuffing him to his car. (the fact that gicheol offered to drive for once? oh, mhm.) gave him needlessly cruel words to make sure gicheol wouldn't even think of following him out, wouldn't even try, because he had to be betrayed by junmo, one way or another. and junmo bound half of it to gicheol's future. he gave him the way to the normal life gicheol wanted, but gicheol couldn't take that out. his fatal flaw was the fact that he loves too much, and he knows that, too. he tells euijeong and junmo that, when he goes to confront them. and, god. that scene? of gicheol at their table, holding the wedding portrait? of the two people he loves the most? his first love and the man he gave his life to? that gave his life for him? insane.

i gotta say, i have almost no complaints in regards to junmo/gicheol. this show is a noir thriller/crime drama, not a bl or anything akin to it, and i think all things considered we got so much more than i would have imagined possible. this show got away with almost as much as, like. the devil judge. it was actually quite obvious and brazen in many ways, and only flimsily held together by the "junmo is married to euijeong and gicheol loves euijeong" framing, which i think was intentional, at points. the director also mentioned that half of the drama was basically written by ji changwook, so. thanks, king.

gicheol always had to die, but the fact that junmo spared him the sin of killing himself? that is fucking insane, if you ask me. hand in unlovable hand, in-fucking-deed. jcw's reaction (and acting) during that phone call was stunning. i think, it took gicheol to die for junmo to realize that he also has someone in his heart that he needs to protect. hence: leaving his wedding ring at gicheol's grave (next to euijeong's necklace; also signaling the end of his marriage for good while giving gicheol something of the woman they both loved), keeping the watch and wearing it while he gets his promotion. he was wearing it after he left the union, the entire time. insane-making!

there is another, more obvious queer reading i could be doing here, how gicheol always had to die because he was the most gay coded character, yes, including all the catholic guilt, and how junmo entering the union and meeting gicheol sort of signaled a shift in his relationship and everything surrounding it, as well. and how leaving the wedding ring signifies the fact that junmo knows he has changed, and that he accepts that. people reminded him constantly that he is a cop and he shouldn't forget it; junmo is a cop who wears that uniform like a costume at the end. anyways, lots more but i don't have the time for that.

i'm somewhat ambivalent on how they treated euijeong in the finale, i loved her character throughout the show, but she got the short end of the stick (also, as expected unfortunately). she is the other side of the coin and would have never been able to accept junmo's descent into violence and evil (and she did not, after all that is what their huge fight is all about), and ultimately won't forgive him for killing gicheol. on the other hand, she would have never given gicheol the love he wanted, or reciprocated his love the way she should have (in his eyes). she always loved junmo, she just could never love the man he became. we (the audience) knew that in the same moment she did, during the altercation with the chinese in episode 8 and 9. besides dohyung, she was the one character to keep junmo steady, and i kind of hate how that is, for the most part, all that she was reduced too; i would have loved to see more of her work as an actual police officer, and not just as a chess piece in this investigation. after all, she is ranked higher than her husband and it was introduced as one of the first conflicts in this show, but was only fuel for junmo taking the job. sigh. anyways.

i loved bibi in the show, and loved most of what haeryeon went through, i mean, besides the almost out of character infatuation with junmo. but, some things are there to drive a plot and serve a narrative purpose, and that was one of those major things. happy she got out of it alive, that she killed that fucking cop that has pissed me off since his appearance, and her scene after killing hwang mingoo, with her bodyguard or right hand man or whatever, was very touching and well done. served as a very nice mirror to the gicheol/junmo relationship. in this world, trust is devotion is love.

it is safe to say that junmo loved gicheol, btw. lol. makes me feel insane to even think about, and i genuinely feel like killing gicheol was the only way to get away with it. having junmo kill gicheol as a last act of love, because in their world love is violence? man. the implications are crazy!

i have manifested that meeting of dohyung and jongryeol since, like, episode 3 because they are the only two characters that are equal to each other. slayer one and slayer two. dohyung's death made me cry, but made narratively sense, because it added to junmo's desolation at the end (how they lied to him, brother, i crieddddd), fueled his disillusion with the police force (he was NOT happy at that promotion celebration), and put chief seo behind bars. glad he survived, by the way. a king that remains an absolute king until the end.

that said, some things were not as well done as i wish they could have been. the fade-outs in the final episode were a cheap choice to make a lot of headway plotwise in very litte time, and i think it could have been done tighter, and more graceful. in some ways, it rang a little hollow; as did the whole jungbae thing, and the hwang mingoo side plot. like, i understand that, in a way, it was to show that the noose has tightened and i absolutely appreciate the fact that this was all just to isolate junmo and gicheol and get them to spend their last days together (narratively), but... still. i would have preferred a little more sophistication, if i'm being honest. this drama could have used a full sixteen episode treatment, even at the breakneck speed it went along. especially because of that, maybe. noir doesn't only live off action but also off the thrill and the suspension of the genre, and at the end it felt a little rushed and somewhat cheap. the scene that lead to gicheol's death made up for it, though, because that was super solid.

i can't believe junmo never said why he let gicheol go. god. because he loved him! if he loved him less maybe he could talk about it more! with junmo words do not equal actions. he uses his words as his last line of defense, as a sort of smoke and mirrors kinda thing, but his actions speak differently. the things he does—like letting gicheol go, or crashing a fucking car to save him from getting arrested, or killing a hundred men for gicheol and euijeong—weigh more than the things he says, or tells himself. love that, because he was introduced as being all brawns, and works as an antithesis to gicheol and euijeong that way!

mhmmm, anything else to say? man, i still feel crazy. there is actually so fucking much to say. i can't believe we got that last shot of them walking down the street in slow motion, smiling at each other, smoking—a sign of respect and reverence connected to the reoccurring motif of junmo and gicheol lighting each other's cigarettes, + gicheol only ever lighting junmo's cigarette—and i think it was only earned due to the whole grave scene. we had to see junmo give up his marriage or else it would have had not the same impact. it was obvious, in a way, that euijeong and junmo could have never stayed together but i am still surprised they went through with that, considering kdramas in general.

other than that... idk. maybe i have more to add. all in all, i am satisfied. not necessarily happy, but i like what this drama did and while i am not super satisfied with the pacing of the big beats in the last episode, i can overall appreciate. i love the relationships they crafted in this show, and i am actually for once satisfied with how they dealt with the focal relationship. felt very much like it was love. well done.

[knightinink]

Do you have any dip hanahaki disease headcannons?

Ooh this could actually go along with my Damien hc's nicely! Lets get this one rolling! 🌹🌷

-Okay so I feel that it would affect Damien more than it would affect Pip, since he would be less likely to confess his feelings & let them bottle up. Going off of another post of mine where I (kinda) talk about how Damien's mean & evil persona is just a front because he's scared & insecure underneath it all, & he's afraid of what could happen if people were to see his more vulnerable & sensitive side. He wants to be soft & tender, but he doesn't know how to express this to Pip, so he just keeps it inside.

-At some point, the demon notices that he has a bit of a hard time breathing, but doesn't think too much of it. That silly disease couldn't be real, right? It was just some stupid folktale! Something made up to scare people!

-A few weeks go by, & it's becoming more & more difficult for the demon to breathe, & he's horrified when, while he's roughly coughing into the bathroom sink, a repeating sharpness feels like its poking into his throat & he quickly falls to his knees, knuckles white as he grips the edge of the toilet bowl, & hacks up whatever he's now choking on.

-He's finally able to cough up whatever felt like it was shredding his throat, & as he blinks tears out of his eyes, he zeros in on the small bundle of about 5 red roses, thorns shining crimson with his blood, & turning the water slightly pink. Eyes widening in horror, he falls back onto his butt, his breathing picking up as he begins to panic, & a taste of nature floods his mouth as he clenches his teeth shut; the roses have left their vines, & they have rooted into his lungs quite nicely, not intent on letting go.

-He would hide this from his father & Pip of course, but he wouldn't be able to for very long.

-Pip meanwhile keeps coughing up pink tulip petals every now & then, but they always eventually cough up all wilted, as Pip is thoroughly convinced that whatever romantic interest he's ever had will not come to be, as he is simply not capable of being loved; everyone in his upbringing had reminded him oh so many times of this. It was true with Estella, & it was true with Herbert (bless him!), that whenever Pip would finally decide to get close, he would end up convincing himself that he wasn't worth their time, that he would be bothering them, & would back out.

-This would continue... except for when it came to Damien.

-There was something within the Brit that just wouldn't let the demon go from his mind, & ever since then the petals would come up flourishing, no longer in their dreary, wilted state. About a week had gone by when the first full flower had shown up, a soft pastel pink, petals open in all their beauty. Pip was horrified.

-More time would go by & the confession would come first from Damien, who is being drowned from the inside by his own blood, as there is a full rose bush growing in & around his chest & chest cavity, the thorns ripping through the tender flesh. Pip would be in shock, completely oblivious to the fact that the feelings he had harbored for the demon laying his head in his lap as he lay dying, had been returned this entire time.

-Damien would just laugh in a fuzzy sense of warmth, as well as the irony of being killed by something of his namesake. He would ask Pip to kiss him, the latter obligingly leaning down to do so, & presses a tearful kiss to the demon's bloodied lips. Their lips are lightly pushed apart as a red rose & a pink tulip come to the surface, brushing against each other tenderly, before they melt into a kiss of their own.

-When Pip breaks from the kiss, he's met with glazed-over eyes that were once as vibrant as the blood that he could still taste on his lips. He brushed a hand delicately over the rose & the tulip. then brushes the hair away from the demon's face so he could see all of him more clearly. Pip choked back a sob.

-Damien was gone.