#but Zuko is angry and self destructive so yeah
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So your post having reminded me of that awful comic again I decided out of curiosity to delve into the Kataang side of the fandom to see if any of them ever talked about this comic and Aangās behavior. Apparently the consensus over is that itās OOC of Aang. To quote:
āI find his behavior to be very odd, too rude, self-centered and outright aggressive, especially the part when he exploded the volcano on Katara's face nearly hurting her, he was angry about Katara refusing to talk about the kiss then directed that anger into firebending which it isn't right for Aang as an Air Nomad to use the aggressive emotions to bend fire, then despite his apology which feels hollow he dismissed he was even worried about her getting burned again.
While Aang has flaws and outbursts sometimes this behavior strikes me to be unreasonable and OOC.ā
Which is pretty funny to me because he literally said heād be in the avatar state if he could over the play shipping Zuko and Katara. If he didnāt have his chakra blocked he absolutely would have gone into the avatar state and had a destructive tantrum. I wonder do they think those moments in the canon show are OOC of Aang too?
Your Ozai and Aang parallels are sadly spot on. The fandom is just too blind to see it because the narrative tells us rather than shows us heās the hero. I really want to see into Brykeās mind because they continue to baffle me 20 years later.
Yeah, Aang in the comics tracks with who he was in the main series. He was always self righteous, disrespectful and emotionally unregulated, but he was cute and cheerful, so a lot of people tend to overlook that. Remember how disrespectful of SWT culture he was in Bato of the Water Tribe? Yeah...that's never walked back. Of course he would make sure his only airbending child had no connection to his SWT roots. Aang is prone to tantrums, and his emotional outbursts include bending. Like you pointed out, as has been pointed out so many other times, Aang saying that he would have gone into the Avatar State over that play suggesting Katara was interested in someone other than him is a massive red flag. That whole scene on the balcony comes after the Lava Fissure incident. With that context, Katara saying she was confused instead of outright refusing Aang takes on a really dark meaning.
But people are entitled to their takes. A lot of Aang fans want to ignore the comics as canon. That's fine. I can totally relate. I ignore the comics and LoK as canon, too š
Zutara fans š¤ Aang fans
ignoring canon
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some of my modern au zukka headcanons!
- zuko is definitely the guard-dog-type overprotective boyfriend. like yeah, college zuko is on his zen shit and the rich kid gremlin that used to terrorize his entire highschool is a distant memory, but god help you if you so much as look at sokka wrong. zuko cannot stand seeing people be dismissive to sokka: sometimes people will take sokkaās kindness for granted, or discredit his intelligence just because heās the funny guy, and zuko just hears kill bill sirens in his head and itās over. itās hilarious cause when itās him thatās being insulted, zuko will barely dignify the offender with an unimpressed stare. but you make a jab at sokka and youāre done. next thing you know sokka has zuko in a deathgrip and is dragging him away before he jumps you.
- bonus points for zukoās resting bitch face and his extensive training in like every martial art under the sun.
- he just cannot see sokkaās feelings hurt. he canāt. sokka is so brilliant and beautiful and funny and confident, itās easy to miss how sensitive underneath it all sokka really can be. but zuko knows; zuko guards his heart with fierce jealousy, wrapped around it like a dragon protecting his gold. truthfully sokka is capable of defending himself just fine with his endless wit and snarky remarks, and heās just as well built, but zukoās fury always gets the best of him.
- zuko adores sokka and dotes and fusses over him all the time. not that heād ever admit it. sometimes itās subtle and sometimes itās neurotic screeching, and sokka will never miss out on the chance to bring it up and make fun of zukoās arrogant nose scrunch and his fierce blushing. zuko always keeps track of how much food, sleep, exercise and downtime sokka gets; he often has to chase sokka with his glasses or adhd meds, always picks up sokkaās jewelry when itās misplaced; heāll quietly surprise sokka with the most thoughtful acts of service, like cleaning his car when sokkaās been putting it off for weeks, or take sokka on a run when the lows hit. heās a total mom. but also dad, cause sokka still struggles with discipline despite being so hardworking and motivated. and zuko sucks at talking about emotions -heās still working that out in therapy but heās getting there!-, but he always makes sure to check in with sokka when sokka gets a little too funny, when he gets restless and absent and clearly somethingās up. and zukoās not much of a speaker, but he always knows just the right words to say when sokka feels like his brain is just wired against him and he canāt get it to shut up. always knows how to take a day off with sokka and press the restart button for him when he canāt seem to break out of his executive dysfunction. somehow zuko always knows how to help sokka get his life back on track after a rut, without ever being patronizing or overbearing. zuko always knows exactly the way to reassure and hold sokka when the rsd gets bad, with his infinite dragon patience and understanding he only reserves for sokkaās heart.
- sometimes zukoās caring can become smothering, but sokka deeply appreciates not having to always be the self relying grown up with a plan, and heās learnt to release the responsability and give in to zukoās pampering. besides, itās not like sokkaās any better
- sokka treats zuko with such overwhelming tenderness. he doesnāt care that zuko is 6ā4 and all lean muscle and solemn regalness and cheekbones, zuko is his baby. sokka manages zuko like heās fragile, handling his sharpest pieces with such care, it soothes zukoās hurt and inspires him to be kind. even when zuko sometimes slips back in his old self destructive ways, sokka knows how to calm and tuck in bed the angry teenager in zuko that screams and kicks and sets himself on fire. knows that with enough kindness and firmness heāll coax out again the mature zuko that goes to therapy and does his yoga and does his best everyday to be kind and brave. and sokka is so patient with zuko, how could he not always strive to be better and make him proud?
- sokka is aware heāll never truly know what it means to grow up in a family like zukoās, and he doesnāt always understand all the dynamics and triggers and layers of trauma that kind of abuse inflicts on a person. and zuko does a wonderful job at keeping things manageable and in control. but when zuko breaks, sokka is always there. sokka is always there to pick zuko up after he visits ozai in jail, and knows better not to question why zuko returns even when he cries in the passenger seat on the drive home. sokka always picks up when zukoās having a panic attack at work and heās begging sokka to talk him through it on the phone. sokka always sits with zuko on the bathroom floor and rubs his back when heās throwing up from stress, and heās always there to redirect zukoās attention and force him to take a break when his work outs get too extenuating.
- totally agree on the common hc that zukoās in either political science or law, and sokka is a mechanical engineering student.
- as far as hobbies go, theyāre both physically active and into sports, though i think sokka would be more of a surfer/gym/basketball/track athlete type of guy, and zukoās more of a martial arts/tennis/pilates type of dude. zukoās also an avid reader and opera and theatre enthusiast, likely can play an instrument. while sokka engages in a variety of creative hobbies that span from painting to writing poetry to knitting to pottery. sokka picks up new hobbies routinely, and though most of them donāt end up sticking, he masters them crazy fast. he enjoys anything that stimulates his logical thinking, and him and zuko often play chess and videogames together. sokka also has the nasty habit to go through zukoās crossword puzzles and fill out the words he knows before zuko has the chance to get to it himself.
- sokka broadened zukoās personal aesthetic and fashion horizons. zuko still favours neutral colours (with the exception of red) and a laid back but purposeful style: heās very anal about his pants being pressed properly and his sneakers being clean. he also wears only natural fabrics, and is well known for his perfectly ironed cotton t-shirts. he always makes sure to throw something in his outfits that nod to his heritage, whether that be in the tailoring or model of the clothes, or his accessories. heās a serial hoodie stealer, and sokka introduced him to crop tops, which to sokkaās delight, zuko pulls off incredibly. he also may or may not have nipple piercings and a tattoo somewhere.
- sokka on the other hand is either giving athlete off duty or pride, no in betweens. heās very expressive in the way he dresses and accessorizes, and likes to experiment with bold colours and less gender conforming stuff. most of his wardrobe comes in shades of blue though, thatās just how it was meant to be. sokka is huge on proudly wearing traditional clothes, and likes to showcase his culture through fashion. he also makes a lot of his and zukoās jewelry. definitely has at least 3 piercings per ear, a nose ring, and is tattooed. most of the time sokka has kinesiology tape peeking out from his clothes. and dirty sneakers lol
- on days where zuko doesnāt want his hair in the way, sokka will braid it for him beautifully. but zuko always has at least two small braids at the nape of his neck, and beads woven in his hair.
#zukka#headcanon#this had been rotting in my brain for so long i decided might as well make a post or smth#even if theyāre common hc we all agree on lmao
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Let me present you a list: My Cats From Most Petable to Least as Decided by Me
Starting off strong with
1. Loki; he likes pets, and he loves to meet people, ngl he's my favorite cat so yeah
10/10 good boy
2. Bennie; he is so soft, bonus points if you have a brush because instant purrs, he is a scaredy cat tho
10/10 very soft
3. Lily; just wants to cuddle, sharp claws to the boob because she wants to make biscuits, very soft
9/10 she's a grandma
4. Minnie; loves pets, will purr, don't know how he is with strangers tho
8/10 big boy
5. Zuko; baby, often hiding in the sibling's room tho, likes pets
7/10 hard to find
6. Kuro; baby, cone can get in way, but he love pets, sleepy
7/10 self-destructive (see cone)
And finally
7. Millum; so angry, sweet but so mad, please no touch unless asked, will not ask
5/10 loved despite her flaws
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Hi ssreeder!!!
As always Iāll begin with telling you how much Iām in love with LIAB and RIA!!! Those two are so perfect I wouldnāt change ANYTHING. Because I think if they got even better than they are now Iād really die or the pleasure of reading them. Iām sorry I donāt gather the willpower and courage to comment often enough. Iām not super literate or eloquent while or after reading a chapter and I never know what to say about it when I think about it. Iām just always impatient to see the next chapter and whichever length it is, it always will take top priority on my mindās reading queue. Whatever I plan to read next or I am currently reading, the new chapter will always get in first place! (Should it even be a +50k words chapter!!!) You inspire me to draw so much! And your comments about them are always so enormously generous and sweet. Thank you so much!!! I canāt stress it enough.
Anyway, Iād be delighted to have a little sneak peek of #5 Blue Spirit Alone, if you will.
Thank you once again and have a wonderful day!!!!
AWWWWW I LOVE YOU
Listen here! you could leave a comment that is just you rubbing your face across the keyboard and Iād love it!! No pressure though I love chatting with you in the discord & seeing your AMAZING art.
I would eat it with a spoon and fork itās so amazing, if I had half your talent Iād be drawing angsty art all over the place lol.
Ughhhhh you ask me about WIP??? Haha (when I say WIP I mean random ass notes that have no real structure behind them yetā¦)
So Blue spirit alone is an angsty idea I had that I will probably never actually write butā¦
Iroh dies after getting struck by azulas lightning which pretty much sends Zuko into a self destructive spiral and he uses his BS persona to wreck havoc on the FN because he is so angry.
He meets Jet as the BS, and of course Jet is like letās be besties and come with me to BSS & somehow Zuko ends up going with him and thatās where they run into Sokka and itās just a mess and lots of Dai Ali creepy vibes and miscommunication and angst and three boys that canāt figure it out and maybe someone dies but maybe someone doesnāt and yeah.
Like I said itās an idea I havenāt given MUCH thought but itās in my notes and I like writing Jet & I like angst so there you go.
Thanks for asking!! Which I was better at explaining things hahaha
#idk if Iāll ever write it#just a fun idea of like so what if iroh died???#& then what would Zuko do?#I think it would be enough to make him turn his back on the FN#Or at least fuck shit up for a while#then Jet of course on the way to BSS would be causing problems#then BOOM problem one clashes with problem two#and a beautiful friendship is born#but Zuko is angry and self destructive so yeah#itāll probably turn into Jet and Sokka both crushing on Zuko#and Zuko doing everything in his power to get himself killed#donāt know the specifics#but yep thatās it!!#gotta finish liab before I move onto anything else#kind of wanna help my friend write another fic anyway#third wheel Zuko fic#*points at pipp* PRISON LETS GO#youāre the best Arandin!!!!#I am sending you a million hugs#WIP game#ask
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Sparring Partners
Pairing: Zuko x f!reader
WC: 2.5K
A/N: howdyyyy Iāll be honest idk what this is besides self satisfactory fluff oops. send in some requests pls, Iām bored as heck!
Never let (Y/N) and Zuko spar.
That was an unspoken rule on Team Avatar after Zuko joined the group. The group had witnessed the aftermath of their practicing one too many times; angry gatherings of flames licking at the bark of uprooted trees scattered around piles of rubble and burnt grass.
Simply put, the pair were a force of nature. That wasnāt the reason they werenāt allowed to fight, though. No, nobody really paid much mind to their destructive tendencies, as long as they werenāt too close to camp.
It was their moods after the fight was done that brought about the rule.
Zuko would slink away to his tent and brood, grumbling at anyone who ventured too close to him. (Y/N) would stay with the group, a grin stuck to her face the whole time. It wasnāt a smile that put anyone at ease, though. It was feral, the snapping teeth and predatory curl of her lips more suited to a big cat than a young girl. Even Katara, who was usually found near (Y/N)ās side, avoided sitting too close.
(Y/N) was never mean to the others, but she had a razor sharp edge to her for hours after the duel that made Aang shift nervously in his seat and Sokka focus more on being the meat guy than the sarcasm guy. Suki would stay on edge until it was finally time to split up into their individual tents. Her fighting instincts would be on alert at the scent of scorched earth coming from (Y/N), a completely different smell from the smoke from the campfire.
Zuko, of course, would be the one to start said campfire. There was a tense, almost shy set to his shoulders as the weight of wild eyes bore down on him from near Toph. Toph, incidentally, never seemed to mind the rumbling of thunder in (Y/N)ās voice after a fight with Zuko, or the way Zukoās heart beat staggered whenever (Y/N) so much as walked past him.
Toph didnāt care if the pair sparred, as long as it would get them over their timid dance around camp. She thought it was an entertaining break in the monotony of training and hiding, and the feeling of (Y/N) earthbending with such raw emotion was as sappy as any romance story there was. It was truly hilarious to her that nobody else could connect the dots between the unbridled chaos of their fighting and their quiet moments together around a campfire.
**
It had been a few days since the last incident when Toph finally decided to ask (Y/N) what their deal was during a training session.
āSo, whatās up with you and Sifu Hotman?ā She asked, a slightly maniacal laugh falling past her lips when she managed to catch (Y/N) off guard and nail her in the side with a boulder. Toph had taken to using Aangās ridiculous nickname after she realized how quickly she could get under Zukoās skin with it. Payback for Zuko burning her feet, she had justified.
Coughing and sputtering from the blow, (Y/N) tried to deflect the question with a volley of rocks sheād been keeping suspended in the air long enough for Toph to half lose track of.
āHey, thatās cheating!ā Toph huffed indignantly, dodging the attack before shifting her feet and sending the slab of earth below (Y/N) tilting sideways.
āNo, I just saw a weakness and used it,ā (Y/N) laughed and leapt from her crumbling perch to position herself in the middle of the sparring area, knowing that Aang, Zuko, Suki, and Sokka were somewhere behind her. Toph wasnāt stupid, she knew (Y/N) was trying to get into a position that would make Toph go easier on her with their friends in the line of fire.
Oh (Y/N), you really think youāre clever, donāt you? Toph thought with a smirk as a plan formed in her mind, pressing her knuckles into the dirt and twisting them sharply. She felt (Y/N)ās growl before she heard it, knowing that the other girl hated when Toph locked her feet into the earth. This time, though, she kept her hold on the rock, sitting down and waiting for (Y/N) to answer her original question.
āToph, cāmon!ā (Y/N) whined, trying to free herself as Toph sat a few meters away laughing.
āJust tell me and Iāll let you go!ā Toph called back, bending herself a chair from the earth with one hand while the other kept itās grip on the rocks around (Y/N)ās ankles.
āYouāre such a little jerk,ā (Y/N) answered instead, looking around for something to help her. She was weak without being able to use her feet as her center, something Toph had been hounding her about forever.
āI thought best friends told each other everything,ā Toph mocked as she felt the others stop fighting to watch the scene in front of them.
āYeah, but you also told me youād throw me off Appa because I took Momoās seat last week,ā (Y/N) replied, crossing her arms stubbornly. Toph was a stronger bender, but (Y/N) had more patience, knowing Toph could get bored or frustrated pretty quickly. Thatās how theyād always been, ever since (Y/N) had been sent to live with her helpless, blind little cousin all those years ago.
āWhatās going on?ā Aang asked the pair, scootering over on a ball of air with a peeved looking Zuko trailing behind him.
ā(Y/N)ās keeping secrets from me and acting like I wonāt find out,ā Toph accused, watching as Suki and Sokka joined the group. Katara, who had been assigned camp duties for the day, drew closer at the lack of fighting sounds.
āToph,ā (Y/N) warned, a sharp threat in her voice as the sound of a tree being pulled up at the roots echoed around the clearing as (Y/N) clenched her fists.
āYes?ā A challenge in her voice, her fist twisting further into the earth and sinking (Y/N) up to her waist in tightly compressed rocks.
āEnough.ā Zuko stepped in between the pair, and Toph couldnāt help but notice the spike in his heart rate when (Y/N) dropped up to her shoulders in rock.
āZuko, stay out of this. Tophās just being a pain,ā (Y/N) huffed, having a hard time breathing with the merciless press of dirt and rock around her chest.
He didnāt stay out of it of course, his heart beating faster than a bird's wings as he watched (Y/N) struggle in the ground. Toph thought the duo were nauseatingly oblivious.
She let out a frustrated growl and slammed her foot on the ground, sending Zuko sprawling flat out next to (Y/N) and encasing his hands and feet in earth.
āFine. You can both stay here until one of you tells me, then.ā Toph declared before standing and walking away from the pair. The rest of the group looked from Toph back down to their friends buried in the ground, and decided that maybe they didnāt want to end up stuck next to the pair. They walked off, promising to talk to Toph and have her fix this.
āSpirits, sheās such a little bastard,ā (Y/N) mumbled, turning her head to look at Zuko. She blinked in shock, not expecting his face to be quite so close to hers. A tricky little bastard, the girl amended in her head.
āWhat were you two fighting about?ā Zuko asked quietly, not having to speak much above a whisper with their proximity. Had his eyes always been so golden?
āShe asked about what was going on between us,ā (Y/N) answered, closing her eyes and turning her head away from him towards the sky. The sun pressed red kisses against her closed eyelids while the breeze played with her hair, making her feel for a moment that she was laid out next to Zuko in a spring meadow by choice instead of locked into the dirt by Toph.
āWhat did you tell her?ā He kept his voice low, tone conspiratorial. He stared at (Y/N), the sun loving her throat and pressing kisses to her cheekbones. He thought, just for a moment, that Toph had done him a favor by locking him into this view.
A laugh, and then, āI didnāt tell her anything.ā
āWhy not?ā He prodded, wishing (Y/N) would turn her head so he couldā¦ could what? He thought to himself, images of him wiggling closer and closing the distance between them flickering in his mind without warning. A warm blush crept up his neck at the thoughts, wishing he wasnāt so affected by their proximity.
āBecause sometimes you need to let Toph think she holds all the cards so sheās a little less of a pain in the ass. And so she wouldnāt question what we really do when we spar,ā (Y/N) whispered, opening her eyes and turning to face Zuko. She met his amber gaze immediately, a grin pulling at her mouth as she leaned closer to him, feeling the heat radiating off his body.
āOh, you mean that thing where you torment me with your comments all day around camp and then try to play innocent when weāre alone?ā Zuko huffed with a smile as he wormed his way closer.
āHey, donāt get mad. I just saw a weakness and used it,ā (Y/N) giggled as she leaned in towards him. Her gaze flickered briefly from Zukoās eyes, to his lips, and then back to his eyes in a way that made him feel like the ground was falling out from under him. He leaned up to meet her halfway, falling just short of being able to seal their lips together. A soft groan from (Y/N) pulled a chuckle from Zukoās throat, before his head flopped back down onto the packed earth.
āSuch a little bastard,ā he heard (Y/N) mutter a moment before her face contorted and rumbling from around them was heard.
Zukoās hands and legs were freed from their earthen prison, letting him roll away only a second before (Y/N) rose up from her hole on a pillar of earth. She hopped down gracefully and brushed her clothes off before helping Zuko to his feet, that wild look back in her eyes.
āYou couldnāt have done that earlier?ā Zuko asked, brushing the dirt out of his hair.
āI can put you back, if youād like,ā (Y/N) hummed, stepping closer to him and giving him that sharp grin that sent his stomach fluttering.
āIām fine right here, thank you,ā he replied, a deep blush staining his cheeks as (Y/N) pulled him close and finally, finally, pressed her lips to his own in a slow kiss. He returned the kiss eagerly, loving the warmth of her hand cupping his jaw with gritty fingers as the other tangled in Zukoās mop of hair.
The pillar sheād used to free herself moments before was now scraping against his back as (Y/N) traced a lazy trail of kisses along Zukoās jaw. He let out a sound that was suspiciously close to a whimper and felt a thrill go up his spine at the glint of absolute trouble reflected in (Y/N)ās eyes when she pulled away.
āHow long do you think we have until they realize weāre not stuck anymore?ā She pondered, pressing delicate kisses up the side of Zukoās throat and along the edges of his scar.
āEnough time to get a head start and cover our tracks.ā His eyes moved deliberately to the forest away from camp, before flicking back to hers with a bashful quirk of his eyebrow. His breaths trembling, he tried to ignore how his nerve endings were alight with the feeling of (Y/N)ās lips on his skin.
āVery tempting, but I donāt feel like listening to Mother Katara yell at us for ārunning off and worrying the group,āā (Y/N) whispered back, pressing a kiss to Zukoās chin before moving to pull away. His arms snaked around her waist quickly, locking her against him.
(Y/N)ās brows shot up in pleasant surprise at his actions. She had been the one to make moves from the start, more accustomed to touch that wasnāt soured by pain or anger. Zuko figured sheād like to have more physical affection from him, but the long nights spent untangling his emotions in return for a kiss were enough to keep her happy and moving at his pace. Zuko had been without a loving hand to hold for so long that he forgot how simple and sweet an embrace could be, how the pad of a thumb rubbing across bruised knuckles could soothe his aches better than any balm.
Feeling bold between the column of earth and (Y/N), Zuko leaned down to her height and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips, retreating before she could respond. The girl only grinned widely, wrapping her arms around his muscular torso. A puff of air left Zukoās lungs as he was pulled into her strong arms, before tightening his own arms around her waist and pressing his face into the crook of her neck.
āWe have to at least make Toph think nothingās changed, or weāll never hear the end of how sheās so right and it's everyone else who is really blind,ā (Y/N) told him, pitching her voice in Tophās bratty little sister voice she used when she won arguments.
āLet her. Iām tired of not being able to be like this whenever we want,ā Zuko replied, his warm breath against the side of her neck sending a wave of goosebumps over (Y/N)ās skin. It shocked her in the most pleasant way possible to hear him say that to her, since theyād agreed to keep things quiet until he could figure out his emotions.
āAlright, but donāt say I didnāt warn you when she makes you wish you were hard of hearing,ā (Y/N) laughed, nudging his head back up to face her. Her senses were filled with Zuko, the smell of smoke filling her nose as the heat from his body scorched a pattern into her heart. Their noses brushed once, twice; their lips a breath apart.
Before either could close the distance, Toph marched around their column of rock, almost slamming straight into them. In a breath, she was gone again, back the way sheād come.
āI knew it, I was so right! You losers are so blind!ā She shouted to the others.
Her sudden appearance had shocked the pair apart, making (Y/N) quirk an eyebrow and pulling a rare grin from Zuko at the astounding accuracy of (Y/N)ās impression of Toph.
āJust remember, you brought this upon yourself,ā (Y/N) laughed, turning to walk back to camp. Zukoās hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, reeling her back in towards him so he could seal a lingering kiss against her mouth.
āI know, but that was worth it,ā he hummed, walking alongside her back to camp, their fingers tangling together without a second thought.
#zuko x reader#zuko x you#prince zuko#zuko#aang#toph#toph beifong#sokka#katara#suki#beifong!reader#earthbender!reader#atla imagine#atla fanfic#avatar#avatar the last airbender#atla#avatar imagine#avatar fic
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I said that Mai treats Zuko the way her mother treats her (no I'm not saying Mai is abusive, but this is bad behavior that has the potential to become abusive if left unchecked, and it is behavior that the finale plays as romantic and hilarious and that will always be a problem), and there's a lot of argument about Mai. Many people who dislike her will deny that she was abused by her parents and say her mother was just "encouraging her to express emotion," not repressing her emotions. That shows a misunderstanding of what controlling and emotionally abusive parents are like. In "Return to Omashu" Mai's mother tells her that she should be happy for her father's position and not complain, and the reason this is emotional abuse is because although she is encouraging her daughter to express emotion, she is only encouraging her to express the right kind of emotion. That's what Mai meant when she said her parents gave her whatever she wanted as long as she behaved, and why she struggles to express emotion of any kind.
But she also treats Zuko in a similar way and she does this many times, but I want to talk specifically about "The Beach" because I've seen people make the exact same claim here that they make about Mai and her mother, that Mai was encouraging Zuko to express his feelings. But what she was actually doing, just like her mother did to her, was encouraging him to only express the kinds of feelings she wanted him to express.
No, I'm not saying it was acceptable for him to fly into a jealous rage at the party and attack another guy for talking to her. Of course it wasn't, and she is right to shut him down and not put up with that kind of behavior. But she also shows an inability to engage with him emotionally that he calls her out on during their argument, and that does not get enough focus because people focus on his jealousy and anger. And I think the reason for this is because we tend to assume that's what toxic behavior looks like. But the kinds of behavior we associate with abusive men, anger and aggression, are also often symptoms of being abused, especially in men and boys who are victims of abuse. That's where the myth of mutual abuse comes in, and this is quite common in situations where women are the perpetrators. We see this kind of behavior a lot with Azula and Zuko, in fact. Zuko often is upset and hurt by Azula but can't express himself so he'll react with ineffectual anger which she immediately shuts down. Zuko acted out because he felt like Mai didn't really care about him, and that does not excuse his behavior at all, but it is very clear what is behind it. She's also easily able to shut him down.
Mai: [Angrily.] Zuko, what is wrong with you?
Zuko: What's wrong withĀ me?
Mai: [Scolding.] Your temper is out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You're so impatient and hotheaded and angry!
Zuko: [Snapping back.] Well, at least I feel something, as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything! You're just a big blah!
Mai: It's over, Zuko. We're done.
Of course Mai should not have to put up with Zuko's behavior here, but their conversation also reveals that jealousy wasn't really the issue. When she angrily asks what is wrong with him, he immediately shoots back "what's wrong with me?" And he doesn't say that what he thinks is wrong with her is her talking to other guys, he says she has no passion. He says at least I feel something. Now, why would he say that?
Mai: [yawn] I just asked if you were cold, I didn't ask for your whole life story. Don't worry.
And this is exactly the dynamic between Mai and her mother. We see Mai express negativity, acting out because she's unhappy, and her mother tells her she is wrong to express negative emotion. In "The Awakening," Zuko tries to talk about his feelings but since those feelings are negative, Mai does not want to hear it.
And then at the party, then she wants to know what's wrong with him. She acts like she has no idea why he's upset, because she doesn't, and when he tried to tell her what was bothering him before, she shut him down.
And the scene around the campfire? Is this Mai encouraging Zuko to express emotion?
Azula: There's a simple question you need to answer, then. Who are you angry at?
Zuko: No one. I'm just angry.
Mai: Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko?
All three of the girls keep pushing him in this scene until he says that he's angry at himself. And I've talked about this scene before but, oh, boy, this scene. Yes, Zuko should be angry at himself, but he also has justified anger at his father, Azula, and Mai that he does not get to express because he can't be angry at his abusive father when he's under his control. He can't be angry at Azula when she's right there pushing him and manipulating him and insisting that her actions are for his own good, he can't be angry at Mai when she's yelling at him and expressing justified anger at him for his blow up at the party, nor can he tell her what's really wrong. This isn't a scene where Zuko can safely express himself. So he directs that anger inward, and his real problem with Mai, that he wants her to care - specifically, to care about him, does not get addressed. It only gets addressed when he stops being angry at her and blames himself. Then she immediately says she cares about him and it's make out time, despite her having broken up with him a few scenes before that. She never addresses the reason she broke up with him in the first place, but she's happy now that he's not angry at her, but at himself. Yikes. So the message, whether this was intended by the show or not, is that Mai cares about Zuko when he is expressing approved emotions. Even if he's expressing self-destructive anger, at least he's not angry at her! What she is doing, whether intentional or not, is encouraging him to internalize negative feelings and turn them into self-blame. This is NOT a healthy dynamic. For either of them, considering how Zuko lashed out at her after repeatedly being forced to bottle up his emotions.
I know why Mai acts this way, I do believe she does care about Zuko, but her behavior is extremely hurtful and damaging especially since Zuko already has a tendency towards self-blame. I'm not saying Zuko never hurts her, either, but the difference is in how the show portrays their actions. And the final note the show leaves us with in the finale is one in which Mai again invalidates her boyfriend's emotions and agency, says she "kind of likes him," and warns him never to break up with her, and this is portrayed as cute and funny.
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Scars
Triggering content: discussion of violence, including gun violence, implications of self-harm Content warning: heavy smooching, nothing explicit
Click here to read the full fic on AO3
Laying in bed, Katara started to drift as Zuko casually passed his hand up and down her side. With the shade pulled down, the late afternoon sun cast an orange light in the room, turning most of the things she could see into silhouettes.Ā
āKatara?ā Zuko asked.Ā
āMmm?ā Katara took in a deep breath and shifted in the space next to him.Ā
āI want to ask you something, but Iām worried about your reaction.āĀ
āIām not dropping out of school.ā
āItās not that.ā
Katara pushed herself up on one arm and squeezed her eyes shut briefly, trying to wake up.
āWhatās wrong?ā She asked.
āI wanted to know about,ā His hand paused and Katara glanced down. āThis.ā
The line of the scar ran almost a hand length down her side. All of the scars she still had were ones she couldnāt heal herself, usually because she had been unconscious for the surgery and too weak to finish it after.Ā
āThatās when I was shot.ā She said nonchalantly. Craning over, she used her free hand to pull on the skin a bit as she looked at it.Ā
āI think this one is from the last battle actually.ā She added and laid back down. Looking up at Zuko, she shrugged at his horrified face.
āYou were shot?ā He questioned.
āWerenāt you?ā Katara asked.Ā
āWell.ā He started, but didnāt continue. She knew regardless, she had seen enough battle wounds to name all of the marks on his body.
Rolling onto her back, Katara tossed the blanket off her body.Ā
āObviously, you know this is a burn. That was during a partial eclipse; a Fire Nation soldier surprised us and Sokka was barely awake enough to fight him off.ā She explained, tracing the outer edge of a patch on her abdomen.Ā
āThe one on my thigh is from getting tangled in barbed wire after we burned our first prison. It got infected pretty quick, but I was able to use my bending for that one.ā She moved on quickly, lifting her left leg and turning it to show the curling scar.Ā
āBlazes Katara, what happened to you?ā Zuko asked.Ā
Katara lowered her leg but looked up at the ceiling, resting her hands on her stomach. After a moment of silence, Zuko pulled the blanket back up, draping it over her.Ā
āSokka and I were alone for a lot of the two years we were out there.ā Katara started. āWeād run with Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors for a bit and then break off when they had to do something for the Earth Kingdom. For a few months, we stayed with this liberation group, but they ended up being borderline terrorists.ā
Kataraās thoughts drifted to Jet and his group, and Zuko stayed quiet as she reminisced.Ā
āWe werenāt trained soldiers. Jet, he ran this teen army or something, he taught us a lot. Thatās probably why we stayed as long as we did.ā Katara shook her head. āNo, I made Sokka stay because I wanted to fight back. I was so angry. He didnāt trust Jet at all.āĀ
āWhat happened with that?ā Zuko asked. His voice was soft and sympathetic.Ā
āWe left. For a bit.ā Katara said tersely. āAfter Sokka met Piandao and wanted to train, I was livid. He couldnāt trust Jet, called him a bad guy, but then he goes begging to work with a Fire Nation veteran?
āOf course, by then I had seen the worst of Jet butā¦ā
āFire Nation was always the worst.ā Zuko finished for her.
Katara sighed, rolling back onto her side and putting her hand on Zukoās hip.Ā
āBack then, yeah.ā She said. āSo I left and found Jet. I got the feeling he was hitting places close to me on purpose, so I knew where to find him. I didnāt tell Sokka. He doesnāt know everything I did.āĀ
āWas it bad?ā Again, there was no judgement, but Katara still hesitated.
āJet stopped being so,ā She took in a breath. āViolent. He said I made him want to be a better person, a noble hero kind of thing.ā
āDid you twoā¦?ā Zuko left off the end of his question.Ā
āYeah. He was my first.ā Katara said simply.
Zuko was quiet and Katara rubbed his side.Ā
āHey.ā She murmured.
āNo, I know. I mean, obviously Mai and I. Itās just,ā Zuko shifted uncomfortably. āIf he wasnāt a great guyā¦ā
āHe and I were young. We thought the passion we felt was love, not the insane rage we held toward the Fire Nation.ā Katara said and then laughed, low in her throat. āHe would constantly gush about my scars as if I were a martyr.āĀ
āThe wounds are horrific, but I am grateful for the scars. They mean youāre alive.ā Zuko said.
āAnd thatās the difference between him and you. He would talk about being a martyr in war, but you wanted to live. I had to realize that there was nothing noble in my desire for self-destruction.ā Katara explained.
āSo these?ā Zuko asked, holding her wrist and stilling her hand.
āJust because I knew it wasnāt noble didnāt mean I stopped seeking it.ā Katara replied.Ā
āDid Jet survive?ā Zuko asked, moving his hand to interlock their fingers.Ā
āHe did. I donāt know where he ended up, but we reconnected once after the war. He came to my college.ā She said.
āIām assuming you didnāt pick back up where you left off.ā Zuko said.
āOh my gosh, are you jealous?ā Katara asked, laughing. Zuko scowled.
āNo.ā He said.
āI did not hook up with Jet if thatās what youāre wondering.ā Katara said and then grinned. āBecause I was dating someone else I had met during the war.ā
āWho?ā Zuko questioned.
āYou arenāt going to know him!ā Katara retorted.
āIām just curious!āĀ
āHis name is Haru. Heās an Earthbender I met in a little mining village Sokka and I were hiding out in.āĀ
āSo no Waterbenders?ā
āNope. But I did have a crush on Yue.ā
āOh really?āĀ
Katara laughed again and wriggled closer to Zuko.
āYeah, but it was pretty obvious she liked Sokka. So I didnāt say anything.ā She said.Ā
āYou donāt say a lot of things.ā Zuko pointed out.
āPlenty of people have scars from the war.ā Katara said. āItās not unusual.ā
āYou werenāt a soldier. You werenāt trained for that.āĀ
āHow could they have ever trained you for yours?ā She questioned, putting her hand to his scarred eye.Ā
āIām Fire Nation.ā He said.
āAnd you would cut off your own hand before youād hurt me.āĀ
He held her, pulling her close, kissing her with a fever. Katara pressed herself into him, clinging to him and yielding to his attention.Ā
His fear drove him and Katara could feel his heart pounding in his chest even without her bending.Ā
āNever.ā He said, breaking away to kiss her throat. āI would never.ā
āI know, Zuko. I know.ā She said, her voice breathy.Ā
āNo more scars.ā He said.
Katara put her hand to his chest, pushing herself back to look at him.Ā
āIād heal them anyway.āĀ
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Speak No Evil (Part 23)
Warning on this chapter for animal death: Azula & Mai go hunting and there is some description of the hunt. Nothing hardcore though. But I still thought that I should mention it.
Seicho is still holding her when she wakes. She is surprised to find that it doesnāt startle her to find herself waking in the arms of someone who isnāt TyLee. She is surprised to find that it feels both liberating and refreshing. She gives Seicho a gentle squeeze, something of a test to make sure that she is clinging to something real. When Seicho doesnāt stir at her touch, she makes herself comfortable in the womanās arms once more, she supposes that it canāt hurt to let her sleep in, they have to wait on Zuzu and the others anyhow.
She finds that it is lovely to sleep in the arms of another once again. She snuggles herself closer, finding it significantly easier to be affectionate when the woman is sleeping. So much easier when she doesnāt have to worry about the woman witnessing her more awkward gestures.
She must have fallen asleep again because when she opens her eyes next, it is to Seicho toying with her hair. She brushes it out of Azula face and strokes her cheek with her thumb. āDid you sleep well.ā
Azula feels around for her parchment, not finding it soon enough, she settles for a nod.
āGood.ā She squeezes the princessā hand.
Azula sits up and rubs her eyes. She feels under her pillow and finds her parchment. āHave the others caught up yet?ā
āWe would have heard them if they did.ā She waits for Azula to get to her feet before snatching the sleeping bag and rolling it up. āI donāt know what weāre going to do while we wait, we donāt exactly have a camp to tear down.ā
āBreakfast.ā Azula digs around her pack for her pouch of beech and hazelnuts. She is running short on them. They will have to go for a good hunt once they regroup.
āThat isnāt much of a breakfast.ā Seicho sits down next to her.
Seichoās hand creeps over hers. Azula spares a glance at it, now cupped over her own. The woman is certainly growing a lot bolder. Though Azula canāt truly blame her; she had been the one to cuddle so close to her in the night.
She looks up to see the womanās bright smile. Her grip tightens on Azulaās hand and it comes back to her, that light and kind feeling upon awakening in her arms. She thinks that she should be doing something, reciprocating in some way but she isnāt sure how. But what if she has it wrong again? What if she is overthinking and misreading? She stares off into the treeline, glancing over at Seicho every now and again. She should try to make conversation, she isnāt sure why words are so lost on her in the moment.
Seicho rolls her eyes. āFor a brilliant strategist, youāre pretty clueless.ā
Azulaās face flushes and she scrawls a hasty, āexcuse me!?ā
Seicho laughs one of her powerful laughs, a full body thing with her head thrown back. Azula stares at her until the laughing fit passes. Sehichoās hand leaves her own, she slides herself closer, and tilts Azulaās head towards hers. She halts there, with Azulaās face inches from her own, ānow Iām not going to do all of the work.ā
Azulaās lips part. It has been so long--it feels as though it has anyhow--she isnāt sure that she remembers what she is doing. In all likeliness, Seicho probably wonāt mind if her affections a rusty and lacking in grace. She closes the space between their lips.
It comes back to her quite naturally; she leans closer and slides her hands along and up Seichoās spine. Ā Sehichoās hand is still cupping her chin. Her lips tingle pleasantly when she pulls back, semi-breathlessly. āYouāre a good kisser.ā Seicho comments. Azula leans in for another. Her second kiss is a greedy thing, really--a self-indulgent attempt to make up what she has been deprived of for some time now.
This time Seicho pulls back, āāgeeze, you really do put hard work into everything.ā Ā She gives a breathy laugh.
Azula nods, āno point in doing something if you arenāt giving it everything.ā She folds the full parchment, puts it in her pocket, and takes a new one.
āHave you been saving all of those?ā
āJust our conversations.ā Reading them Ā helps her to sleep at night. Reading them reminds her that someone cares enough to fight her on her death wishes and patterns of self destruction. Ā Reading them reminds her that she canāt actively try to sabotage herself. She clutches her pocket. āThey are important.ā
She doesnāt think that Seicho quite grasps just what they mean to her, it doesnāt matter. She only needs to know that they are important, that she is important. That is enough.
āI am glad that I didnāt lose you.ā
āBecause Iām a good kisser?ā
āBecause youāre you, Azula. Iāve never met anyone like you before.ā Ā
For once she thinks that this is a good thing. And, finally, she is certain that she is also glad that she hadnāt given herself to the volcano.
.oOo.
As the days wear on they settle into a comfortable routine; as comfortable as the spirits will let Azula grow. At this point they seem more or less indifferent to her presence, it would seem that pulling at her hair and nipping at her arms and ankles is no longer an amusement to them. And she is thankful for it. Thankful but covered in small knicks and welts from their previously relentless onslaughts. By the time they are through with her, she is spent and worn and Seicho fights to keep her from going under again. She has to fight for herself. Mostly, she manages.
Zuko fares much better than she; he seems to have taken a shine to Zhang-Zin and the pair have taken to helping set up the shelter while she and Mai hunt and Seicho gathers firewood. This is part of their daily routine and Azula supposes that it is what is keeping her sane. To have some semblance of order.
She peeks her head around a tree, the tigermonkey that they have been stalking is just in front of them. Azula lets the lightning dance on her fingertips and gives Mai a nod. Mai confirms it with one of her own. She will send her lightning at the creature, it will fall--dead before it knows that it had been struck--and Mai will get to work harvesting the meat.
Should they have a successful kill, they wonāt have to hunt for a good while after this. Azula lets the lightning sail. She hears a heavy thud and Mai steps forward. Ā It is tedious work to carve an animal, especially one so large but Mai does it with an impressive efficacy.
Still, Azula anticipates being there for at least an hour or two with the size of their kill. And she anticipates finding herself bloodied by the end of it. Ā For the time she casts her shirt to the side, she doesnāt have many changes of clothes and shouldnāt like to soil even one. Mai has the same idea. She tries not to make a big deal of it; it is only practical after all, easier to wash blood from skin than fabric. All the same, her face colors when Mai tosses a glance over her shoulder and requests her bigger hunting knife.
Azula carries it up to her and observes in forced silence as Mai puts the knife to use. There is something that she should like to discuss with the woman, but she is up to her elbows in blood so Azula decides to put it off a little longer. Every now and then, she asks Azula for a hand in prying the meat from the bone. Her hands come away sticky with blood and she shudders at it and its uncleanliness. Mai rolls her eyes or chuckles each time she makes a disgusted face or crinkles her nose.
At last, Mai steps back from the tigermonkey carcass and begins packaging the meat. Azula dips her hands into the nearby stream and picks up her brushes. When Mai turns back around she is greeted by parchment. āWhy did you do it, Mai?ā
āWhy did I do what?ā
āKiss TyLee.ā Ā She clenches her teeth, she has roused a nervous loling in her belly. She isnāt sure that she wants to hear the answer. Isnāt sure that she should even be bringing it up, not when they are, at the very least, finally cordial with each other again. Though it would simply rest there, festering beneath the surface, if she hadnāt. She doesnāt think that there can be any real reconciling with such a mess beneath the floorboards.
Mai sighs. āBecause I was angry. At you, at Zuko, and I do love TyLee.ā Her already quiet voice becomes moreso. āAnd I ended up hurting her too.ā
There is one thing that they have in common. Theyāre both fools. Hopeless, inconsiderate, and quite possibly socially inept fools. Ā āNo wonder she left. Weāve all been using her.ā
Mai gives a stiff sniff, āyeah.ā
āAre you still angry? At Zuzu and I.ā
Mai comes to a stand still. āYeah.ā
Azula swallows, her stomach sinking lower than it already plummeted. āIām guessing that the two of you are still mad at me too.ā
She is right. Azula supposes that it is only fair for her to harbor some resentment of her own. āI donāt want to be angry.ā She admits finally. Truly, she doesnāt. It is taking so much out of her and she doesnāt have much energy to exert these days.
Maiās face seems to soften. āI donāt want to be angry either.ā
Perhaps it is time to let by gones be by gones. She wouldnāt have met Seicho if she hadnāt fled. She wants to say that she would never be able to fully heal with TyLee, but she is almost certain that she could have had she been given time--had she given herself time. But that has nothing to do with Mai anyhow.
āStop being angry then?ā
āThatās not how it works.ā
āI know.ā She replies. Though she doesnāt think that she is angry anymore. She thinks that she is sad. Sad and tired and tired of being sad. She thinks to ask Mai when she thinks that she will stop being angry. Instead she holds up the parchment and asks if she needs help carrying the meat.
Maiās expression softens though Azula doesnāt know why. āHere take this one.ā
Azula makes sure that the blood isnāt seeping through the sack before putting her shirt back on and her portion of their haul over her shoulder.
āThanks for helping me with the hunt, Azula.ā It is still cool and stiff. But it is a start.
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Ten Favorite Female Characters
I was tagged by @midnight-in-townā, so now I have to show them how much I love my favorite women.Ā
Name your favorite female characters from 10 different Fandoms and tag 10/or the amount you wish people
Tagging: @hamlietā @amonmahboiā @inumaqiā @thyandrawritesā @kaibutsushidoushaāĀ @harostarā.. yeah, I donāt know ten people.Ā
Enoshima JunkoĀ
āHope is harmony. A just heart, moving toward the light. That is all. Despair is hope's polar opposite. It is messy and confusing. It swallows up love, hatred, and everything else.ā
Junko wishes she was a psychopath. Sheās spent her entire life pretending to be a crazy psychopath, because living that life is just so much more interesting than the one sheās stuck in. Enoshima Junko is just too smart for the world, and everything is too easy for her, and rather than try to dumb herself down a little bit sheās decided to knock everything else down. Sheās a girl kicking down sandcastles because building them out of sand all alone is no longer doing it for her.Ā
Junkoās interesting because of the weird logic and loops she runs her brain into. Thereās a complex character behind the wholeĀ āI exist only to spread despairā thing. Sheās perfectly capable of forming emotional attachments to people, and genuinely caring. But the people she likes are generally far worse off than the ones she doesnāt care about.Ā
Junko wants so badly to, just not be human. She does the most inhuman things possible to prove that sheās not human. What really made me love her is the lengths sheās willing to go, to the point in Dangan Ronpa Zero where she basically took a screw to her own brain and started acting like a normal girl only when all of her memories were removed.Ā
Junkos relationship with Matsuda shows two conflicting sides of her character. How much she's humanized by her love of him, Ā and also how much she wants to completely destroy that part of herself. It's like she physically can't be a normal girl. Or rather she doesnāt want to be to such extremes sheāll break everything and then herself.Ā
And if she canāt be normal than Junko decided that self destruction is her next best bet. Thereās just nothing that will satisfy Junko, and itās interesting to watch someone that empty decide the world is going to end, or sheās going to end herself and she doesnāt really care which.Ā
Ajimu Najimi
āCall to me with affection, Anshināin-san. Well, I donāt really care what manga characters call me.āĀ
Hey, I put Junko on this list twice. Both Ajimu and Junko live in a world that is too easy for them, and therefore they have no reason to get emotionally invested in others or try to attach themselves to anything. Which is why itās fun to see Ajimu attempt the same thing as Junko to kill herself in style and eventually get saved from herself.
Medaka Box is such a meaningful manga to me because they take the weirdest characters and no matter how deranged they are they find the parts of them that are relatable and go, well guess what youāre human too. Ajimu literally calls herself a non-human and sheās just as human as all the rest in the end.Ā
The best part is itās not her good points that make her human, itās all her flaws. Itās easy to feel like the world isnāt real, that nothing in the world is worth living for, to feel no emotional attachment. Those are all human emotions. Not because theyāre good and shining, but because theyāre petty and terrible. Ajimu is this brilliant character, but sheās also kind of just a petty little girl using aĀ āfiction is realityā lens to cope. Sheās not that special actually, sheās just suicidal, and kind of awful in general. Itās nice to see that human side behind the mastermind character.Ā
Azula
āMy own mother thought I was a monster. She was right of course but it still hurts.āĀ
Azula is someone thoroughly dehumanized by everyone even theĀ āgoodā members of her family (Uncle Iroh, Zuko, her Mother). I like how Azula in some part seems to be aware that both her brother, and mother seem to kind of consider her theĀ ābad siblingā and she just decides to embrace it. Like itās... not emotionally healthy in any way and itās terribly tragic but thereās something about characters who actively make the decision to be a monster that gets me.Ā
Thereās something about Azulaās writing that makes me uncomfortable, and it makes me sad that Zuko like... continually associates her with his fatherās abuse, and demonizes her like she wasnāt also a kid going through the exact same situation, but Azula getting increasingly unstable is at least an appropriate response to that.Ā
Even if her brother, her mother, or her father wonāt see her as her own person and they all see her as an extension of her fatherās abuse on her, Azula is just so determined to be her own person even if it means burning the world, or herself A common theme I guess, but a lot of these characters have narratives about not being allowed to be their own person or shown any kind of humanity or normalcy.Ā
Morrigan
āWell, well, well what do we have here?ā
Morrigan is mean, and nasty, and grumpy and bitchy and witchy. Sheās allowed to be unlikable, because Morrigan never bends to anyone. Her survival, and freedom will become first before anything else.Ā
It feels like Morrigan is the main character in her own story, and you just happen to be a part of it for a short while. You may even be an important character to her, she may be attached, but ultimately youāll never be more than support to her.Ā
Morrigan is such an ambitious an singular entity that her character development is letting you be a part of her life and not the other way around. She'll always survive on her own.Ā Morrigan is irrevocably shaped by her environemnt, and yet she craves freedom in that too because she doesnāt want to be bound by her past or shaped by her mother. So much of herself is dedicated to being better than the environment that she was raised in that she defeats her mother not by killing her, or freeing herself, but rather by being a better mother than her.Ā
Raven / Rachel Roth
āAzarath, Metrion, Zinthos...āĀ
Raven is fun, because a bunch of monks thought the best way to teach her to handle her emotions was to never allow her to feel any emotion ever. So, Raven is eternally running on a zero. Sheās terrified even a small amount of happiness will end the world. Sheās not allowed to be her own person, neither her bastard father, nor the monks treat her like one.
Raven is so gentle, and selfless, and emotionally perceptive and sensitive to others needs but she canāt ever display almost any of these good traits because sheās internalized the idea that sheās such a bad person. She always believes all the time that she exists to hurt others and that makes it so difficult for her to connect to others.Ā
Which is why her true friends bond with the Teen Titans is so meaningful, because Rachel found a family in spite of all of that. She has friends who think sheās a good person unconditionally despite the fact that Raven continually tells herself she isnāt. There are people in the world willing to navigate the maze of walls that Raven has built around herself, and that her environment forced her to build and closed up, and sheās so happy to have them.Ā
Midna
āSome call our realm a world of shadows, but that makes it sound so unpleasant... The twilight there holds a serene beauty... You have seen it yourself as the sun sets on this world. Bathed in that light, all the people were pure and gentle...āĀ
Midna just steals the show. Her story now. The gameās not called Legend of Zelda anymore now itās Legend of Midna. Not only is she the most important character in the game she appears in, but sheās also in character someone so selfish sheāll always prioritize herself over everyone else. However, only because she feels that she canāt exist as anything other than the princess of the twilight and has to prioritize her survival for the sake of her people. Midna even says so at the start of the game, she canāt be kind because she wasnāt spoiled like princess Zelda in the bountiful kingdom of the light.Ā
Midna is so selfish and yet doesnāt really have her own wants and needs as a person outside of the role she has to play for her people, which is why sheās so terribly lost without it and just because this terrible selfish little gremlin. Link and Zelda affect Midna so much because they humanize her. They both sacrifice themselves to save Midna the person and she doesnāt get why. She doesnāt get why two people would help someone who has been so unkind to them and who has failed them this much so far.Ā
That act of selflessness moves her, and also freaks her out. She even says she didnāt want to be saved by either of them. Which is what makes her redemption in the second half of the game so interesting, because Midna really improves herself so she can become someone worth their kindness. She doesnāt want the selflessness of people like Zelda and Link to go to waste, and because of that begins to care about things outside of her kingdom and her role as princessĀ
Vriska Serket
āAfter all of this is over. Do you want to go on a d8?ā
Unfortunately one of my top 3 favorite characters of all time comes from a really terrible source material. Vriska is everything I like in a character. Ā She's a mess. She's really hard to swallow. She's a character that's not meant to be liked.
Nobody really likes Vriska and it's all her fault for being such a horrible person, nobody wants her damage. Which is so interesting because usually main characters get forgiven over and over again. Everyone leaves and if they don't Vriska will burn those bridges herself. No character better embodies what it's like to be stuck in a self harming cycle
Authors are always so obsessed with making characters look good or showing what a good person they are few characters are allowed to be just plain unlikely in ugly ways. Itās what lets Vriskas genuine desire to be better actually seem like a struggle.Ā
Kocho Shinobu
āAre you angry? Yes, Iām angry Tanjiro. Iāve always been angry.āĀ
Shinobu is just all pleasantries on the surface, but so full of negative emotions in ways women aren't allowed to be. I love the medicine / poison dynamic to her character and how it rots her to the core. Too much medicine is a poison, while poison can be a medicine when applied to the right situation.
Shinobu is, two faced. Sheās beautiful and kind, and full of ugly emotions and empty. She nurses people back from the dead, she sees no point in living herself and purposefully throws herself into a suicide in her plan against Doma. Thereās just such a destructive dance between extremes for her because Shinobu is such a unique individual, trying to deal with all of these emotions she just canāt deal with. She canāt be noble, or better than her trauma, she just pretends to be a good person while she slowly rots away inside.Ā Ā
Shinobu can put on smiles all day -
But she can't be like her sister. Ā She can't love people like her sister can. Maybe she could once but all that's left now is anger. Bitter, unpleasant, and completely in denial of it and still masquerading as a good person. The most beautiful kind of poison of all.
Sheās not her sister, but sheās also not really her own person. She doesnāt know who Shinobu is, doesnāt know who Kocho Shinobu lives for. She just doesnāt imagine herself living past her revenge, and even though sheās surrounded by love sheās just so cracked it all pours out of her and absolutely nothing could be worth prolonging her life after everything sheās lost.Ā
Toga Himiko
āWhat exactly is a normal life? I also live a normal life, you know.āĀ
Himiko Toga is a girl who lives entirely on her own terms. Which is just so rare for a female character, you know? Itās so genuinely subversive to know that Himiko was once a nice girl, who always smiled, always put other peopleās feelings first, and that sort ofĀ āgood girlā behavior drove her completely insane.
Toga deciding to be true to herself is an act of rebellion against the world.Ā
For Himiko everything is flipped. What others regard as psycho behavior is her normal. She doesnāt let other people define her story as a tragedy, and even murders the one person who tries to control her story. In a story where female characters constantly downplay their own importance to support the male characters Himiko is the only character important enough to be the center of her own story. Himikoās story is so subversive as well, both of how society treats her, and how the story treats characters like her.Ā
Himiko is such an excellent yandere, all yanderes wish they were himiko. She comes off as this batshit stabby girl, Ā but then you find out that shes actually emotionally perceptive. She first comes off selfish, bratty, and self-centered but she turns into one of the most sensitive characters in the manga. She eschews the ideals of being a good girl that was forced down her throat, but that doesnāt mean sheās not empathic, or that sheās not capable of goodness. Sheās good to twice. Sheās good to the people who accept her.Ā
Himiko no matter what will always be a deviant. Always be an outsider. Instead of trying to make room for her her parents forced her to lie and wear a mask until her identity became completely shattered. I like Toga because under the knife wielding psycho she's a normal girl. Then under that normal girl thereās also a knife wielding psycho ready to fight back, and both of them are the real her.Ā
Ihei Hairu
āI saw the reaper, he was very beautiful.āĀ
Every character from the garden is just fundamentally broken.Ā Hairu and Rize are interesting foils, because if you think of about it a loveless childhood turned them both into ruthless killers. Itās just they decided to live for different things, Rize lived rejecting love and Hairu lived chasing after love. However, fundamentally they are the same. They are children starved for any kind of love or nurturing. Ā Hairu is so desperate she devotes her entire life to the first person who acknowledged her. However, the same sort of desperation to live, that tragic need to make the most out of the few short years they have exists in all garden children.
Hairu wants so badly to be a person, but sheās not a person. Sheās half ghoul.Ā
There's just something about a girl who was never meant to be born and never meant to live, still trying. Ā There's a dark side to her character, she's violent and inhuman exactly like the environment she was raised in but she was also still a child at heart seeking love.
Which is why though her narrative is a thoroughly unhappy one, it does make me happy that there was someone who loved her in the form of Koori Ui. There is someone who wanted her to live longer. Her life was short, but she did live, and itās that struggle to connect to others that made her truly alive.Ā
#hairu ihei#ajimu najimi#enoshima junko#toga himiko#kocho shinobu#midna#rachel roth#raven#azula#vriska serket#morrigan#morrigan dragon age#meme#spooky speaks
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Why do you think Zuko was out of character when he hired Sparky Sparky Boom Man ? And by the way am I the only who doesn't' have a problem with Zuko's characterization in the first half of book 3 ? I see a lot of people saying that they turned him into a bad boy or he was ooc but wasn't that the point ? Zuko was trying to be someone he wasn't. I don't know maybe i am not seeing something.
Mmmmm ok there are two different things here, and Iāll start by addressing the second: Zukoās behavior in the first half of book 3.
To that, I will say that I actually donāt have a problem--overall--with his characterization there, because it made sense. As you said, Zuko was trying to force himself to fit into a space he no longer belonged. He was trying to be the Crown Prince his father wanted, he was the prodigal son returneth home triumphant after his defeat of the dastardly Avatar. He had everything he wanted--his honor, his fatherās approval (but not, as he would come to realize, his fatherās love), even a nice noble girlfriend of whom his father and the nobility at large would approve.
And it was only after he had everything heād been searching for since his banishment, that he realized he actually had none of it. His honor wasnāt something he could get back from someone else, his fatherās approval was conditional on the lie Azula had told him, his girlfriend didnāt understand him (largely because of the changes heād undergone while banished and later exiled) and probably never would and their relationship was based on nothing but superficial attraction and his sisterās machinations. Nevermind his fatherās love, which he never should have had to earn in the first place.
So of course Zuko was angry and emotionally volatile, prone to explosions of anger and frustration because he had no outlet for his pain, no means of conceptualizing why he was so desperately unhappy despite the fact that he finally had everything heād ever wanted (or so he thought). It wasnāt until he finally had his own self-realization--and came to accept that his father, and his nation, was wrong, to maim a thirteen-year-old boy and to wage a war that brought nothing but pain and destruction to the people of the world--that he was able to look his father in the face and say āyou were cruel, you harmed me and I did not deserve it, Iām leaving to help the Avatar and you canāt stop me, you have no power over meā, and leave.
(Notably, while heās still somewhat emotionally volatile with the gaang, heās considerably happier and healthier with them, because heās no longer trying to force himself to fit back into a society he had outgrown. Once he becomes the Fire Lord it is within his power to change that society, but while heās with the gaang he settles for learning the true meaning of fire and helping his new friends save the world.)
However, let me circle back around to one particular point: Combustion Man, and why I think hiring him was very OOC for Zuko, even as he was in the first half of book 3.
Because hereās the thing: the core of Zukoās character has always been compassion and empathy. That is what got him scarred for life by his own father--it was compassion for his people and empathy for their lives that lead him to speak out during that fateful war meeting, staring down men more than twice his age and demanding they treat their own people better.
Ozai tried to burn away Zukoās compassion, but, and hereās the critical bit, it didnāt. fucking. work. Because you see Zuko making the compassionate choice, again and again, even in book 1. He cares more about his uncleās safety than the mission heās been on for three years, and that is shown in episode seven of book one--so, almost from the beginning, we see that there is something more important to him than capturing the Avatar, and thatās his Uncle. But we also see that Zuko is never fighting to kill, or even maim. Sukiās village burning is an unfortunate side effect of a firebending, well, bending fire around a bunch of flammable buildings, but Zuko is not given to wanton cruelty or destruction for destructionās sake--he doesnāt stick around to hurt the people who were harboring the avatar any of the times he catches up to the gaang and finds them surrounded by people willing to protect them.
Which, yes, you can absolutely quote katara and talk about the not as big of a jerk as you could have been award, but itās still important to Zukoās overall arc and the fact that Zuko is not the primary villain, even in book 1. Because Zhao is right there, being a primo bastard, to the point where Zuko even saves Aang from his clutches--and, sure, you could say that was just because he didnāt what Zhao to be the one who takes the Avatar back, but at the end of it all he didnāt give chase when Aang ran, letting him go and instead returning to his ship.
Then, of course, at the end of book 1, what do we see? Zuko, attempting to save Zhaoās life. This was a man he hated, a man whoād tried to kill him multiple times, a man who was competing with him to try and take the Avatar (and was far more cruel and excessive about his methods), but Zuko still reached out a hand to save him when La snatched him up. He tried to save the life of a man he hated and had no reason to want alive, because heās a compassionate person and he didnāt want to see even a man he hated die like that. Zhao rejected his hand and ultimately sealed his own fate, but Zuko still tried. And then, of course, he spent book 2 on something of a roller coaster, emotionally and mentally, but he was still compassionate at his core, despite attempts to obfuscate it. He stole Songās ostrich horse, but he helped Lee and his family, and didnāt lash out when his identity was discovered and he was ultimately rejected. He had such a crisis of conscience when he saved appa that he got sick, something that has been memed to death (especially lately), but it wasnāt because he did one (1) nice thing--because weāve seen him make compassionate choices already--it was because he did a good thing that also jeopardized his one last chance and getting what he wanted (ie capturing the Avatar and returning home).
Now, obviously, he made the wrong choice at the end of Book 2, despite that experience--because when he freed Appa, getting what he wanted was still a somewhat distant prospect, but Azula was right there holding it out to him on a silver platter. Of course he couldnāt reject it! Even when that meant turning on his Uncle, even when that meant ultimately throwing Kataraās compassion in her face, he had the chance right then and there to just go home, and he needed to take it. (Not only because of his need for closure, but because narratively, he story wouldāve felt rushed and incomplete if he didnāt get that chance to go home, have everything he wanted... and realize he didnāt actually want it at all anymore, let alone need it. Having said that, I love a good āZuko joined the gaang at the end of book 2ā² fic as much as the next Zuko fan. I just donāt think it would have worked as well in canon [although I still think he shouldāve joined the gaang sooner, but thatās a whole other rant].)
What does all of this have to do with Zuko hiring Sparky Sparky Boom Man? Itās simple: I do not believe for one second that Zuko did not feel an immense surge of relief at the thought that Aang might have survived.
Now, obviously, this would have been followed by a surge of terror--because if Aang was alive, and his father found out, then what the fuck would happen to him???--which is why I think it wouldāve made much more sense for Zuko to hire a tracker. Or, at least, someone he thought was a tracker. Azula slipping him a name of someone she knows to actually be an assassin, perhaps? Just to pile that guilt on Zukoās shoulders should he be successful, or simply hedging her bets??? Who knows. But something other than Zuko knowingly hiring an assassin to track down and murder a child. (And all of his friends lmfao since Zuko would know they wouldnāt just let the dude kill him.) Especially when Zuko had never tried to kill anyone, even when he had the chance, in the entire show to that point.
Anyway, yeah, thatās why I think that Zukoās behavior in the first half of book 3 made sense, and that him hiring an assassin was super ooc and I donāt vibe with it.
#atla#zuko#asked#lol wow this got long ANYWAY YEAH#overall i love zuko's arc#including his backsliding in book 3#but that particular action was WILDLY ooc given what he'd done in the show to that point and who he was as a person#Anonymous
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Hm. Lately Iāve been feeling conflicted. I would usually say that even if Azula did become good, she would still need to be punished for the horrible things she had done (being in prison is a punishment for sure). But then I would think about how that should be applied to Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee. Like yeah, they did decided to be good (arguable āgoodā with Mai & Ty Lee) in the end, but it didnāt really erase the terrible actions that they had done. (1/2)
But Iām attached to these characters. I understood why they did they things they did, why they acted like they did, and how they become who they are. And I donāt want them to be in harms way after knowing about their past, trauma, and issues that they had to worked through. But then Iām being a hypocrite since I wasnāt the same with Azula. And if Azula got punished for her past wrongs, I suppose the others should too? I donāt know... Should they have been punished? (2/2)
This gets into the purpose of punishment in general, which turns out to be a very personal thing.
I, coming from a Catholic Christian background, donāt see any purpose to punishment beyond an attempt (and weāll touch on this word again later) to correct bad behavior. I used to be a fairly angry little kid (Raphael was my favorite Ninja Turtle for a reason) and I liked to wish misfortune (usually destruction of property, like a car dying) on the people I was mad at. So my mom used to quote me the famous bit from St Paulās letter to the Romans: āāVengeance is mine, I will repay,ā says the Lord.ā So I was always taught that trying to pay people back for their evil deeds, purely as an act of justice, is cosmically wrong. On the other hand, I was given time-outs when my behavior was bad and also told I did not have to subject myself to the company of bullies, so clearly the lesson isnāt just to let people be bad and not worry about it.
There are people and cultures, though, that demand retaliation. This is just their worldview, and leaving bad things unaddressed would be an active injustice.
Pragmatically speaking, a punishmentās value to society at large is to discourage bad behavior. You do a bad thing, you get an appropriate punishment, and so you decide you donāt want to do the bad thing again in order to avoid future punishments. Ideally, the very threat of punishment is a preventative. Punishments are scaled to the crime to prevent inflation; if every bad act merited the death penalty, then you might as well commit premeditated murder against someone you dislike instead of just calling them a rude name.
However, as I alluded to above, punishments are an attempt to prevent or correct bad behavior, but are not necessarily effective. Rewards are the opposite side of the coin, a system of encouraging good behavior. Thereās all kinds of studies on these things, how effective they are, whether and how they can be mixed, the effectiveness of certain types of punishments and rewards, etc. So Iām not going to get into the nitty-gritty of all that here. This is just foundation for answering your question.
So, with my background in mind, I donāt see any reason why Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee should be punishment because they have already done the following things:
Admitted they were wrong.
Suffered for their bad behavior.
Attempted to redress or mitigate the consequences of their actions.
Changed themselves so that they are now, based on the recognition of the badness of their previous selves, forces for good.
Again, to bring up my Catholicism, this is exactly the process by which forgiveness of Sin is achieved (maybe minus the suffering depending on how old-school or hardcore the Catholicism is, but narratively the suffering usually makes for a better story), so as far as Iām concerned, thereās no need for punishment or hell for Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee. Some people, though, might not see their experiences and changes as enough; they might want the victims to judge Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee and pronounce some form of punishment or restitution. Arguably, though, this kind of already happened, with the Kyoshi Warriors accepting Ty Lee and Aang accepting Zuko as his Firebending teacher and Suki accepting Mai as a Pai Sho opponent (hey, they canāt all be dramatized on-screen). But some people might want a formal process.
Azula, on the other hand, is keeping up her bad behavior. Now, āredemptionā is another one of those words that can mean different things to different people and cultures. Going by my own definition above, Azula has not admitted that her behavior was wrong- last we saw her, she was still trying to teach Zuko that fear is more powerful than love, and sheās still delighting in petty cruelties. She has suffered, but as I noted, this part is optional and not terribly important, anyway. She has not tried to fix the harm sheās caused other people. And she has certainly not even attempted to change herself to become better- just more effective at living up to her old standards.
So, arguably, Azula thus deserves a punishment as part of her path to Redemption.
However, letās get back to discussing the effectiveness of punishment. As I noted, Azula has suffered. What punishment is going to be worse than her experiences in the finale, being left behind by her father to stew in her paranoia until she is defeated by her enemies and loses all self-control? Is throwing her in jail going to make her better? Is scarring her going to have more of an impact than what sheās already been through?
(Of course, if she doesnāt change, then jail is certainly appropriate to keep her from harming others, which she keeps actively attempting.)
This now gets into the modern debates about crime and punishment, and that our modern criminal justice system is not particularly effective at rehabilitation. Again, thereās stuff out there to learn from, but Iām going to focus on Azulaās narrative. She can certainly experience a story where she is not actively punished but nevertheless transforms into a better person through experiences that truly teach the rewards of being a good person. Azula might more effectively and believably embrace the power of love through rehabilitative experiences instead of punishments.
But would her story be as rewarding if thereās no transformational suffering? Would we feel her Redemption has been earned?
Like I said, this gets personal. I donāt think there are solid answers, hence why my own focus for telling stories about Azula isnāt āredemption.ā I think thereās interesting stories to tell about her coming into mental and emotional balance, and thatās what I focus my narratives and themes on supporting. The end result might be a Redemption Fic, but I reached it through character work rather than judgement and justice. As Gandalf once said, āMany that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.ā This seems to most directly address the idea of capital punishment, but I think it speaks to the inherent lack of ājusticeā in life. Thereās no undoing bad things or crimes, so no true justice can be done. What remains is simply how we ourselves react to it all.
So I donāt know if made my philosophical case, but I at least hope I explained why Azula is currently in a different class than Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee.
I am, of course, completely ignoring that the AtLA comics consistently portray Zuko as someone who tries to murder his friends whenever he disagrees with him. Because that Zuko totally needs a time-out.
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Your Inner Peace | Self Para
āDo not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace.ā
ā The Dalai Lama
Aang had been afraid something would happen. He didnāt wanna wait outside the Palace, in case he looked like some sort of guard, so heād sat on the roof and watched the courtyard, his glider lying beside him. Zuko was inside, having his first council meeting. Heād wanted to be there too, but the thought of sitting there with so many of the Fire Nation nobles whoād served under Ozai made his stomach churn. How was Zuko going to work out who had been loyal out of fear, and who was really on Ozaiās side? Maybe they could get Toph into one of the meetings, to see who was lying? Why didnāt he think of that?
Momo was sitting beside him, and Aang patted his head, absentmindedly. āNo oneās here yet, buddy,ā he said, watching the courtyard. Maybe heād been wrong. Maybe nobody had a problem with the old council. He thought about how happy everyone had been at the coronation party, but that was mostly higher ups, and people whoād fought in the invasion. There werenāt a lot of common people there. How did they feel? Aang drew his knees closer to his chest, and hunched his shoulders, trying to make himself smaller.
Heād been happy, too, at the coronation party. Heād been proud to wear his dark orange robes, and his wooden necklace, standing out as an Air Nomad in a sea of Earth, Fire, and Water Nation people. Heād been so pleased to see everyone looking so happy, enjoying firebending, seeing it for what it could be -- a beautiful and intricate martial art, not just a force of destruction and fear, and drinking tea made by a man who was almost the Fire Lord himself. At Zukoās coronation, Aang could have almost forgotten his duties as the Avatar, and just be a kid again, for a little while.
Itās important to live in the present, Aang, Monk Gyatso had said, a hundred years ago. He knew it was a hundred years ago, but, to Aang, it still only felt like just over a year ago.
But how can I? Aang had asked. If Iām gonna be the Avatar, donāt I have to worry about the future?
Now, he sat on the roof of the Fire Nation Royal Palace, watching for any sign of trouble, and trying to just live in the moment. But that was when they showed up.
A huge mob of people, chanting something he couldnāt hear, stormed into the courtyard. A lot of them were wearing Fire Nation civilian clothing, but he could see people from the Earth Kingdom too, and even some people from the Water Tribe. You wonāt silence us!Ā someone cried. It was hard to make out what they were saying -- they were all shouting at once.
Aang jumped to his feet, and flicked his glider open. In a second, he was airborne, sailing down to the courtyard. A few people saw him, and looked up.
āHey! Itās the Avatar!ā someone yelled. And then everyone was looking up. Some of them started pointing, and yelling.Ā
Aang landed on the ground, and spun his glider closed.Ā āEveryone! Quiet!ā he shouted. And, to his surprise, everyone fell silent. They all stared at him, like they were waiting for him to continue. He straightened his back, and clung to his glider a little tighter.Ā āI know you all want this meeting to go well! So do I! But youāve gotta give Fire Lord Zuko a chance to make things right before you go forming an angry mob!āĀ He looked at the pitchforks warily.
āThatās easy for you to say!ā An Earth Kingdom man shouted.Ā āArenāt you the Fire Lordās adviser?ā
āYeah!ā someone else called.Ā āYou donāt know what itās like for us! Youāre the Avatar! You canātĀ know how we suffered --ā
The shouting started again. Everyone was talking over each other, trying to be heard.
āYou donāt think I want things to be better too?ā Aang shouted. He knew he had to stay calm. If he got angry, for Zukoās sake, it would look really bad. He took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, and tried to imagine his anger flowing out of his mouth, the way the monks had taught him.Ā āLook, I know you all suffered under Ozai. I know you want justice. But Zukoās not like his father.ā He looked at the crowd, trying to meet everyoneās gaze one by one.Ā āIĀ believe in him. And you should too.ā
āThatās all youāve got!ā someone shouted, from far back in the crowd.Ā āBelief and hope! What goodās it gonna do?ā
āJust let me talk to the Fire Lord!ā Aang said, loud enough so that everyone could hear, but he didnāt yell. He tried to imagine Gyatso and the other airbenders standing behind him, nodding sagely.Ā āI know youāre angry, but please! Violence isnāt the answer!ā He looked at them all, and tried to really seeĀ them. Not just as a mob, but as people, whoād suffered under Ozaiās tyranny. People who wanted a new start. These were the people heād fought Ozai to protect. These were Zukoās subjects, and people from the Earth and Water Nations. They deserved to have their voices heard, even if they were going about this all wrong.
āLet me talk to the Fire Lord,ā he repeated. Some of the crowd nodded, but some looked angry.
And nobody in the crowd moved.
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i donāt need any calming tea - a zuko fanmix
1. no sunlight - death cab for cutie
with every year that came to pass / more clouds appeared until the sky went black / and there was no sunlight / no sunlight anymore
2. dog people - guante & big cats
the definition of loyal and eager / who love unconditionally / even when love should maybe have a couple conditions at least
we're dog people / so much talk about honor / you could almost forget about the collar
3. arsonistās lullaby - hozier
all you have is your fire / and the place you need to reach / don't you ever tame your demons / but always keep 'em on a leash
4. heaven knows - first aid kit
you've lost yourself in others' expectations of you / now you prefer this caricature before being true / but you're better than that / you're so much better than that / i know you better than that
5. set yourself on fire - anti-flag
those days reckless, earnest, angry and naive / so much has changed but so much stays the same / yeah self destruction is still flowin' in my veins / could rise to greatness or could all go down in flames
6. history repeats - brittany howard
i just don't want to be back in this place again / iĀ mean, i done cried a little / tried a little, failed a little / iĀ don't wanna do it again
history repeats and we defeat ourselves / come on everybody / one more time
7. close to home - vienna teng
accept the shame on some shaky basis / admit that you were mistaken about it about it after all / but oh the ache the fantasy forsaken / the alien and adjacent you would give anything to take off
raise your life a new dawn / tyrant of your cells now overthrown / never have you felt so close to home
8. you are a tourist - death cab for cutie
ācause when you find yourself a villain / in the story you have written / it's plain to see / that sometimes the best intentions / are in need of redemption / would you agree? / if so, please show me
9. dancing in the light of a burning city (phoenixes) - flobots
when unhinged the countryās on fire / when unquenched the thirst brings empires / to their knees and unspins the spires / pillars fall when umpteen town criers / become choirs to unseat the sires
born of the ashes / heir to the flame / lit by the fire / we look the same / iām on fire (iām okay, iām okay)
10. lightning w/ chastity brown - guante & big cats
that energy enters you like a lightning bolt / and no matter how dark its origin / once itās inside you / itās yours to control
build something lasting / as this empire's collapsing / and when they ask me to come along quietly / iāll sayĀ āhow can i quit? / iāve got lightning inside of meā
#zuko#avatar#the last airbender#atla#fanmix#*compiles all my deeply emotional zuko songs and then undermines it by naming the mix after a meme*#genre's all over the place on this as usual *shrugs*#songs are in vague character arc order so no shuffling#long post#mine
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Confessions of a Teenage Sugar Queen: Soulmates
Zuko retrieves his laptop bag from his room and heads for the kitchen table. I linger in the hallway, trying to focus long enough to make sense of his momās article, but the words are blurring together.
Damn you, tears.
I take a minute to collect myself before joining Zuko in the kitchen. He fishes something out of his pocket and places it on the table while he types in his login password. Itās a tube of chapstick, and I would be lying if I said I havenāt noticed that slight bulge in his pants before. He must carry it with him all the time.
Iām so wrecked. If I donāt kiss Zuko soon, I might die of thirst. I donāt like the taste of his particular brand of chapstick, though.
I figure this moment is yet another lost opportunity when he snaps the cap off, but it isnāt chapstick at all.
Itās a USB drive. Oh, yeah. He was going to show me something. Right.
When it loads, I canāt help but say the name out loud, āUrsa.ā
āThese are my motherās files I found on my fatherāsāā Zuko presses his lips together like he always does when heās said too much. His hand is shaking when he double clicks on the disk icon.
I read through the folders, silently this time. āAnthologyā¦ Articlesā¦ ENG101... ENG110ā¦ Gradesā¦ Lecturesā¦ Notesā¦ Painted Ladyā¦ā
āWhatās in the Painted Lady folder?ā I ask, ignoring the lump that has formed in my throat.
āI canāt open it. Iāve read through everything else on this disk, but that folder is password protected.ā
There is only one other folder, āPictures,ā and it piques my curiosity. āWhatās in there?ā I point at the screen.
A deep sadness passes over his face, making the scar seem more pronounced than ever. He obliges and opens the folder to reveal one single image entitled āBeach.ā Itās an artfully composed silhouette of a woman and a child walking along the beach at sunset. I can only assume it is Ursa and Zuko, but the figures are too shadowy to tell.
āThatās it?ā Surely he has more photos of his mother somewhere.
āThere were at least a hundred photos in that file. But thatās when the data transfer was interrupted. Thatās whenā¦ I got caught.ā
This is the story of the scar. I just know it. But I have no idea what to say next.
I donāt get a chance before he redirects. āKatara, Iāve tried every password I can think of to open this fileāmy name, Azulaās name, our birthdays, Momās nicknames for us, and all of that in every combination. I was wonderingā¦ what if the file came from your mom? What ifā¦ do you know of a password she might use?ā
It is too much. I am suddenly my nine-year-old self sorting through a box of Momās stuff that Dad has refused to touch since she died. All I ever wanted was something like thisāa collection of her writing, notes, and pictures. Instead, all that came back from the coroner was assorted jewelry, cosmetics, and other typical items from a womanās handbag.
āKatara? Are you OK?ā Zuko breaks through my reverie.
No, Iām not. I canāt do this right now. āItās getting late. I should go.ā
His shoulders drop in disappointment, but when our eyes meet, we come to a silent understanding. Itās the tide pool scene all over again but with our roles reversed. The impact of the triggered memory hits me hard, and it is easier to choose distance and distraction over the pain of pushing through it. I no longer blame Zuko for his reaction that day.
I also acknowledge that he did try to talk about it. And neither of us has to bear our burden alone. We have each other.
I tell myself that only this moment is lost, not everythingānot yet. And then I leave.
I refuse dinner and hull up in my room. I canāt exactly describe what Iām feelingāconfused, yes, and maybe a little angry. Or perhaps Iām just jealous that Zuko somehow ended up with access to my motherās work when all Iāve ever gotten is my fatherās gruff response, āKatara, just let it go.ā
Iāve read all of her articles in back issues of The Modern Times, of course. Gran Gran secretly gifted me with an online subscription last year. Dad makes comments like, āItās old news anyway, so we need to focus on moving forward.ā Sokka says that Momās writing will probably always represent suffering and loss for our family.
Sometimes when I feelā¦ like I donāt know what to feel, that is when I write. But that hardly seems like a therapeutic option right now given the circumstances, so I decide to watch Netflix instead. I really should catch up on Crossroads of Destiny because the new season starts later this month. I donāt want to miss out on Uncle Irohās premiere party.
When did I start referring to him as Uncle?
This episode is about Phaethon, son of Helios, the sun god. As his tragic story unfolds, I wonder if this is the plotline Zuko had confused with Icarus. The boy certainly tries to prove himself to his father and to the world, but only brings fire and destruction, eventually falling from his chariot in the sky to his untimely death. I canāt handle the images of scorched landscapes and dried-up riverbeds in my fragile state, but before I turn off the show, the earth goddess says something that strikes me.
āHelp us, great Zeus! Is this the end of earth? Even the heavens are burning. The past turns to ashes, and the future is fire!ā
The future is fireāthe slogan for Ozaiās company. I donāt even know what Future Fire Technology does, despite Azulaās constant bragging. She asserts itās the āway of the future,ā whatever it is. So, I look it up on my phone. They make virtual reality components such as headsets, gloves, and even a full exoskeleton for an āimmersive experience.ā The website is vague on what their products are actually used for, though.
I regret leaving Zuko. I should have tried to help him with the password instead of freaking out. Our mothers are obviously connected somehow, and he put himself at risk just to get those files. Mom took all kinds of risks to get information in her line of work. I never wanted to be a journalist, but I do want to be like her.
Before I even realize what Iām doing, Iām pulling the box of her things out of my closet. I used to look through it nearly every day, but I havenāt now for a few years. I wipe the dust from the lid and carefully lift it to reveal an odd collection of treasures. I hold up a pair of pearl earrings, and a shaky sound escapes my lips, almost like laughter, but not. I remember begging Dad to let me pierce my ears so I could wear them. He said I had to wait until I turn 16. Here I am, almost 16, and I donāt really care about that anymore.
Next, I run the pad of my thumb over a necklace I had also hoped to wear someday. The pendant has a wave carved out of whalebone, attached to a blue velvet ribbon. Dad gave it to Mom when they got married, and Iāve always figured it would be too painful for him to see it again. Maybe I could ask him.
Maybe I could ask him if he knows Momās password, too. I will have to explain that Iāve found a file of hers, and he might not like that. I understand if he doesnāt want to dwell on the past, but surely he doesnāt want to forget everything?
Finally, I pull out a tube of bright red lipstick, and this is when I lose it. It was her āpower paint,ā she called it. When I pretended to be a warrior princess as a young girl, she would paint the Aleut symbols on my face and tell me stories of our people.
āKatara, are you OK, dear?ā Gran Gran calls from the doorway.
I sniff and wipe my face with Zukoās sweatshirt. Yes, I still have it. āI-I-Iām fine, Gran Gran.ā
āCan I make you some chamomile tea? Or run you a relaxing lavender jasmine bubble bath? Youāve been working so hard lately.ā
āNo thanks. Iāll justā¦ go to bed early, I think.ā
āOK, dear. Just let me know if you need anything.ā
āThank you, Gran Gran.ā
āOhā¦ and Katara? Your mother would be very proud you.ā
I wait until she leaves before fully releasing the tears Iāve been holding back. I suppose a good cry is long overdue. I throw myself on the bed with Zukoās sweatshirt balled up like a pillow. I donāt realize that Iām still clutching the lipstick. The cap pops off which means Iām probably making a huge mess on my sheets, but I donāt care. Besides, Iām a laundry expert. Mom even used to call me Moonpeach.
I wake up the next morning drowsy and disoriented. Strands of my hair are stuck to my face and my throat is rawāthis is why I hate crying. I stand up and brush the wrinkles out of yesterdayās clothes. Momās lipstick falls to the floor with a clank, and I say out load to no one in particular, āOK, Iām awake, Iām awake!ā
I groan when I look at my phone. Zuko will be here in thirty minutes to pick me up. I scoop up his sweatshirt and laugh. At this rate, heās never getting it back. I give it a squeeze, a pathetic part of my morning ritual these days. As I scan the room for my shoes, a glint of silver catches my eye.
No. Fucking. Way.
Momās lipstick is a USB drive, too. All this time I never knew.
I am cursing our old school computer for how long it takes to boot up. My stomach churns so violently with nerves that I consider calling in sick today. I even taste bile in the back of my throat when the icon āKyaā shows up on the screen.
I donāt know where to start. The āPicturesā folder? There is one called āFiction,ā too. Did my mom write stories like I do? There is also āCase Files,ā and that one scares me a little. My hand hovers over the mouse, paralyzed by indecision.
Then, I see it. āBlue Spirit.ā
And after years of wishing I had all the rest of these files and only weeks of knowing Zuko, that is the folder I decide to click on first.
Of course. Its contents are encrypted and require a password.
āZuko is here, dear!ā Gran Gran calls from the entryway.
Shit. I canāt process any of this, so I quickly eject the disk and secure it in the zippered part of my bag. I havenāt even changed clothes, but at least Iām in uniform, so itāll have to do. Both Gran Gran and Zuko eye my disheveled appearance with some concern, but I simply brush past them and head toward Zukoās car.
I donāt talk to Zuko right away, and he respectfully heeds the silence. He probably thinks I still need my space after yesterday which is partially true. Iām actually dying to tell him what I found, but Iām also reeling from it. His mom has one of my momās files, and my mom has one of his momās files. What does this mean?
After I fix my hair into my usual braid for the day, I text Dad to ask him if he knows Momās password. He confirms what I already suspectāthat it should be derived from my name, nickname, or birthday just like Zuko suggested.
I cast a sideways glance at Zuko who unsurprisingly has a death grip on the steering wheel and laser focus on the road. He always does that when there is something left unspoken between us. Is he this easy to read to everyoneā¦ or just me?
āHey Zuko?ā
Predictably, he lets out a huge sigh of relief since I finally broke the tension. āYeah?ā
āCan you come over after work today?ā I ask.
āSure.ā He stares straight ahead, but a smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
I look down at his lap to confirm he still has the chapstick in his pocket. No, I am not ashamed of this in the least. āGreat. And can you bring your laptop?ā
He tilts his head in my direction and nods, but I donāt acknowledge this because I am still groping him with my eyes. OK, I may have a problem.
My problem is that Iām a fucking waterworks these days. I cannot stop crying! The bus driver keeps looking at me like Iām a dam about to bust.
Depending on the outcome of Zukoās little meeting, Iām gonna bust someoneās ass for sure.
I canāt believe heād agree to go meet with his sister! Ever since I connected the mysterious Ursa files with Zukoās scar, I donāt trust the Kasai family at all. Except for Iroh, of course. Wow, how did the apple fall so far from the tree? In my Google search last night, I read an article about corruption within the company when it was an arms dealer under Zukoās grandfather, Azulon.
Zuko says he will call me later. I text back that he should just come over. To pass the time, I read through a few of my momās short stories. Hers are not fantasy like mine, though. More like melodramaā¦ and more than I can take right now. I pace between the kitchen and living room. Gran Gran gives me worried looks. I imagine Azula stabbing Zuko with skewers, and Ozai using him as a punching bag. I cry some more. I double check the freezer to make sure we have icepacks. Of course we do. Sokka lives here after all.
Dammit. I even miss Sokka, the big oaf. When we were younger, I had a stuffed penguin, and he had a stuffed otter. If I were crying at night because I missed Mom, he would put on a show to cheer me upāThe Adventures of Otter Penguin!
Iām in the middle of composing a text to Sokka, complete with otter and penguin emojis, when Zuko calls.
āHey, sorry itās so late.ā He sounds very tired.
āAre you OK?ā I sound very motherly.
āUm, yeah. Mostly.ā
Hmm, not the answer I wanted to hear. āWhat did Azula want?ā I growl.
āShe offered me a job at Future Fire. She said things wereā¦ how did she put it? Heating up. She could use the helpā¦ or something like that.ā
Oh no. āDid youāā
āNo, Katara.ā
āOK, good.ā
āItās not good. I told her Iām happy at the Marine Center, but Azula doesnāt want me to be happy. I told her Iām already doing what Dad wants, but if she thinks I have his favor for any reason, sheāll fix that. Sheāll report some bullshit story back to him. Heāll come by the Marine Center to check up on me. Iām so fucked.ā
I canāt stand how defeated he sounds, so I deftly change the subject. āHey, about that passwordā¦ā
āYeah? Did you think of something?ā His tone changes completelyāthankfully.
āWell, you could try Katara082800 or maybe KataraAugust2000 or something with my name and birthday which is August 28, 2000.ā
āOK. Just a minute.ā
Soon I hear his furious typing in the background. āNo luck.ā
āYou could try Sokkaās, too. His birthday is September 6, 1998.ā
I wait for what seems like forever. His frustration mounts with the continuous beating of the delete key.
āWhat about a nickname, Katara?ā
I was afraid heād ask this. āDonāt laugh, OK?ā
āI wonāt.ā
āItāsā¦ Moonpeach.ā
A pause.
āShit. Holy shit. Katara! Thatās it!ā
The silence that follows is deafening.
āZuko?ā
āSorry.ā
āIs itā¦ stuff from my mom? In the file.ā Because, dude, Iām dying over here.
āItās uhhhāā
I have an epiphany. āZuko, whatās your nickname?ā
āWhat?ā
āWhat. Is. Your. Nickname?ā
āOh, umm. Turtleduck.ā
āTurtleduck?ā I laugh but only because it sounds like a creature that would fit perfectly in my fictional world.
āHey, I didnāt laugh at yours!ā he whines. āItās because I loved that Christmas song when I was a kid but called it a turtleduck instead of a turtledove, OK?ā
Iām half-listening because I just typed āturtleduckā for the password, and the āBlue Spiritā file on my momās disk is now accessible.
Seriously, what does this mean?
āZuko, if I can access my momās files with your momās password, and you can access your momās files with my momās password, do you thinkā¦ were we supposed to find this together?ā
Were we supposed to find each other?
Zuko doesnāt answer.
We should be doing this together.
āZuko, can you come over?ā
āIā¦ Iām not sure if thatās a good idea.ā
āWhat? I thinkā¦ it was meant to be! How else would you explain it?ā
āIt could just be a coincidence. Maybe they used each othersā passwords to ensure no one would find out ever. Maybe weāre not supposed to know any of this.ā
I donāt know what this is because I havenāt read anything, yet. I realize I want him here with me because Iām scared.
āZuko, pleaseā¦ā
āEven if our moms wanted us to know, my father absolutely doesnāt. Itās tooā¦ dangerous. I shouldnātā¦ you should stay away from me.ā
Another epiphany.
āZuko, did your dad hit you because of me?ā
āNo! It wasā¦ I broke curfew.ā
āYouāre lying.ā
Zuko lets out a noise of frustration, something Iāve never heard him do before. āARRRRRRGGGGHHH. He just said it was a reminder. To not dishonor the family. Heās a fucking psychopath, Katara. Just let it go.ā
I hate that everyone keeps saying that!
āNo! I thinkā¦ Ozai knew that our mothers were working on something together. Something big. A scandal perhapsā¦ maybe it involved your father. So when he found out you were seeing me, he forbade it. And then beat you as a reminder.ā
āKatara, have you read any of your momās files, yet?ā
āNo.ā
āOK, so read them. And weāll talk in the morning.ā
Chpt. 1 | Chpt. 2 | Chpt. 3 | Chpt. 4 | Chpt. 5
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