#but Vegas had hurt him‚ personally‚ and a part of Pete wanted to hurt him back still

[braceletofteeth]

(insp.)

[lu-sn]

Rank the VegasPete kisses 😈

suz i stg this ask is gonna get me super mega cancelled. when you find my mangled body in a decrepit alleyway tell my family i loved them

-

6. i love you, pete.

listen, no okay, LISTEN, put down your pitchforks, this is an s-tier kiss okay, i know!!!!! I KNOW BUT EVERY VEGASPETE KISS IS INSANE!!!! SOMETHING HAS TO BE AT THE BOTTOM

i did and still do think it's a lil cray cray of vegas to say he's in love with pete like ten days after dicking him down, but the blood-streaked mouths and vegas's devastated face as he pushes pete away afterwards sure do make up for it

5. you must suffer until i'm satisfied

the thing that gets me about this one is the total lack of artifice on vegas's part. despite every touch of his before this having been part of a long, cruel, twisted performance, this one is so gentle. so unassuming. a gift, more than anything else.

the conversation after is critical to their relationship, and i'm not sure pete would have wanted to open himself up like that without this kiss as proof of vegas's... sincerity? vegas isn't playing a game anymore — and pete can finally stop playing too.

4. psycho

head in hands!!! i can't believe this isn't in the top 3 someone send me to jail rn

i don't need to talk about this yall Know. third eye opened brain chemistry rewired brainrot permanently acquired "you like me like this" "i know exactly what i want" the way their hands paw at each other the way vegas smiles the way pete's KNEES GO WEAK I'M FOREVER SCREAMING

3. you're the most important person in my life

ugly sobbing in the gutter they trust each other they cherish each other they're going to work so hard to stay together they're coming together as EQUALS in the LIGHT AFTER THE STORM I'M—

it's the way they cradle each other's faces in their hands, okay. it's the unbearable tenderness, and it's the promises they're making to each other!!! that shit just gets me real bad 😭

2. (we only kiss people we like)

their entire sex scene is characterized by an unexpected, intense tenderness, and this last kiss is really the nail in the coffin for me. the way pete is leaning up into this, chasing vegas's mouth — the way vegas is so unbelievably soft as he presses himself into pete — the space they've carved out together in the darkness for this moment of startling intimacy — something has changed here, in both of them. and it's going to be their undoing.

1. i need you, pete.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME I WILL DIE ON MY LITTLE HILL THIS IS THE BEST KISS IN THE ENTIRE SHOW. SCREENSHOTS DO NOT DO IT JUSTICE. vegas is TREMBLING into this kiss he is TERRIFIED he's made an awful awful mistake and he's about to lose the best thing he's ever had he is CLINGING TO PETE trying to press all of his monstrous love into pete's skin i'm so sorry i didn't mean it i need you i will worship you look at how gentle i can be with you? look at how desperately i want to cherish you please please pete don't leave me MY GOD I AM CHEWING ON THE WALLS IT HURTS SO GOOD

and pete is so vulnerable to this kind of touch. he's shaking too, he's gasping and sobbing and almost can't believe what he's about to do in return. pete intends for this to be their last kiss — and vegas has no idea.

[i-sveikata]

”I’m not going to hurt you,” Vegas says quietly, to Pete’s sudden surprise. “You don’t need to be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” he murmurs, directly into his ear only leaning back far enough to watch Vegas’ reaction to the words.

TEARS. LITERALLY SOBBING. THIS WAS SO OVERWHELMING THAT I HAD TO TAKE A BREAK 😭

no matter how much i want them to be together, i can’t forget the fact that vegas is/was his rapist and capturer. now he is saying that he trusts him and he’s not afraid of him??? it means a lot more than any words can 😭 oh pete when you realize that your feelings are deeper than you think, what are you going to do? 😭

AHHHHH the undercurrents of this though like i feel like a lot of vegas' interactions with everyone are him mostly trying to say in some way or other, im not a monster, i promise im not a monster even if he pretends at disinterest and not caring and pete is literally the first person to look him straight in the eye, not flinch and go, i know. like that is LIFECHANGING for vegas. so when he picked up on the hesitation he immediately thought the worst thing.

no of course and neither can pete!! neither can vegas!!! they'll never be able to forget how they started for the rest of their lives. it will be a part of their relationship, it will literally continue to affect their relationship for as long as they remain together.

but yes so important the power of trust here and how far its gotten them. id say its especially important to mention that pete has never been afraid of vegas. hes only ever been afraid of what vegas makes him feel. and for vegas who has had literally everyone show their terror or horror of him in some way or other, hes very intuitive in sensing that feeling from others. and how it always adds to the conviction that he's a monster/ inhuman person and adds to his sense of otherness and isolation from people. which is why it was such a relief to him when he had pete tied up and at his mercy and pete still wasnt afraid, was still defiant and wholly himself. like pete pushes back, he dares to ask vegas to fetch him an iced coffee, he picks vegas up and carries him, pete tells him no now and trusts him to listen, holds him to a higher standard and expects him to meet that standard and vegas does. all vegas has wanted is someone to believe in him and pete fits that to a t. pete is the one person to make him feel human instead of other and its so so important to him that he doesnt ever lose that. which is why hes checking in in that moment and having pete reassure his fear.

ahhh yes there is a lot of turmoil coming petes way once he realises his feelings because he has to come to terms with the reality of the situation and how it makes him feel. but he will work through it i promise!!!

[verynormalaboutkinnporsche]

E7 Scene 16 - Party

In contrast to the black and white formality of the main setting, the colors here are lurid secondaries, purple and green. Everybody seems to be having a good time.

Vegas corners Porsche for a talk/flirt. Pete (who said he was going out for a smoke, tsk) gives Kinn an update on the fact that Porsche and Vegas are chatting friendly-like. Maybe too friendly-like. Vegas comes right out with a job offer and promise of freedom... maybe he could even open that bar.

I have a hard time figuring out Porsche in this scene, but overall I'm coming down on "cautious." He seems to like Vegas--who is making himself very likable, although that bit about the bar clearly sounded a weird and possibly alarming note to his audience of one. While Porsche is more aware than he used to be of the family dynamic that recommends distrust, he still tends to chalk a lot of that up to personal jealousy at this point.

Porsche spends most of the evening by himself, until Vegas manages to spill a drink on him, necessitating that they repair to the bathroom to clean him up.

Aside from the lighting, this looks a lot nicer than I would expect for a mafia HQ bathroom. Scent diffusers?!

I feel like the writing for this part was a bit labored, honestly, as can be the case when a story requires characters to misunderstand one another for reasons of plot. The payoff mostly makes up for it.

Kinn arrives (with backup) and is deeply displeased to find his new boyfriend apparently making out with Vegas. We get the first of several scenes with the cousins pointing guns, and I think the only time Kinn ever straight-up pulls rank on Vegas (in his own house, no less). He is pissed at Porsche for like, ten seconds before he gets it slapped into him that no, this really wasn't what it looked like.

Well, fuck. This is not how the evening was supposed to go.

The changes of energy here are wild. These are volatile characters, and this scene is a visual catalog of primal emotions: anger, fear, regret, desire.

For a hot second it seems like we're back in E5, but there's a difference in that neither is trying to escalate. Porsche is hurt, and he'll make that clear. Violence is obviously never great, but context is important; we know what these two are physically capable of, and we know that slap was in no way serious. After that, Porsche is avoidant, not confrontational. Kinn meanwhile wants to keep the encounter going while he figures out how to fix it (without waiting a week this time), which is on him because he was the one who fucked up (again, and he looks way more upset here than he does when he thinks his father is dead, just saying). Nobody wants a fight.

The rest of this scene is body language; even when Kinn says I'm sorry it's as much touch as speech.

I am legit obsessed with how Porsche turns around. His eyes are shut, his hands come down, he looks completely vulnerable for a moment, and Kinn moves back to let the light come through between them. Like what the hell, BOC?

After all the tension that preceded this, it's a pause which is not free of tension, but it's a totally different kind.

I'm also obsessed with that checking-in moment, the non-verbal we good now? and Porsche's hands on Kinn's face, how open he is there, completely unguarded. Literally everything is different from their E4 scene; there's so much smiling. They look happy. As much as this is Porsche jumping into a new world in terms of sex, I am hung up on how different this is from every sexual encounter Kinn has had since Tawan, this messy emotionality and spontaneity compared to what seem to have been almost scripted appointments.

The camera focus shifts back and forth in the last few seconds between the light and the two of them before they embrace.

What we learned:

Unlike the main family, the minor family knows how party

Vegas has found out about Porsche's "bar by the beach" dream (he's been talking to Porsche's friends?)

How incredible mutual handjobs in a bathroom can look on screen

[yujeong]

hiiiiii, i just found your blog and saw you talking about how pete and porsche aren't the besties in the show that so many people see them as which is a thought i've had for some time; like, don't get me wrong, i like peteporsche being besties (and maybe being besties that kiss each other) and i love when people write them that way (especially post-canon) BUT i personally just never thought that they were that close in show-canon, idk......i have trouble putting my thoughts into words but when i rewatched the show at the beginning of the year i was actually kinda surprised by how these two don't really feel like bffs, and yeah i know pete went into hell specifically for porsche but then again, porsche just kinda forgets he did that? and then the bathroom scene(s)? idk i just feel there is so much complicated mess.....so yeah, my thoughts are pretty much jumbled and difficult to parse, lmao, i'm sorry

also sorry for just coming into your inbox like this, lmao, but i would love to hear more of your thoughts on them and how they interact in the show (if you are willing to share, of course)!!!

Hi there! Firstly, thank you so much for reaching out to me. I love talking about KP in general - VP and Pete more specifically - so your message was very welcome. Now, Pete and Porsche's relationship is such a fascinating thing, I could really talk for hours about it. On the surface level, they seem close but upon further inspection, it turns out that - as @therealblessedaffliction mentioned - Porsche is closer to Vegas of all people than to Pete. There are reasons for this of course. Pete is part of the main family, the family that basically forced Porsche into working for them. He's loyal to Kinn, a person Porsche was at first wary of/mad at. He doesn't believe Pete when he tells him he's the most normal person in the house and he generally ignores his advice until the incident with the minor family happens, when Pete tells him about how Kinn saved his life and to basically get his head out of his ass. They have their cute moments throughout the show but even in those, it's all surface level; Porsche doesn't trust Pete with the information of kissing Kinn or of what Kinn did to him. He doesn't trust him with the information of being in a relationship with Kinn. He doesn't think twice about him when he's rescued by Kinn and the gang in ep 10 and when Kinn is worried about Pete due to his odd behaviour, Porsche doesn't even consider the possibility of sth being off, even though he should have. Cue the Hum Bar scene, in which Porsche just brings Pete along to give to Vegas as a bargaining chip without (evident) remorse and that solidifies the belief I have that Pete and Porsche are colleague buddies, not actual friends. They work well together, they have good platonic chemistry, they totally understand each other, even if they don't show it, but they aren't friends. (Porsche is oblivious to this, just as he's oblivious to the fact that punching the guy who caused his supposed friend physical and psychological harm, as well as threatening him to not do it again, means jack shit when he's the one giving Vegas the chance to hurt Pete once more) That brings me to Pete who, god bless his kind soul, decided to risk his life for Porsche when it wasn't even that necessary? One thing that had confused me about ep 10 and Kinn's plan is that he said he needed the proof of Tawan and Vegas cooperating but in the end it was kind of pointless? Maybe he needed the proof to give it to their partners or sth but whatever the case, it doesn't matter. What matters is that Pete embarked on a mission with high probabilities of failure (and death) because he trusted Porsche and he wanted to help him. We're talking about a man that gave his grandma's food to a stranger the first time he saw him, a man who tried to push back against Tankhun to spare Porsche of his humiliating punishment, a man that risked angering his scary boss by giving him advice to help fix their relationship. What I'm trying to say is, Pete is empathetic af and for those he deems worthy being a sacrifice for, he'll gladly do it. Porsche was one of them.

Btw, I totally believe Porsche thinks him and Pete are friends. His attitude towards him is friendly, he's teasing him and their conversations are those you have with friends, not someone you're not that familiar with. He calls him everyday in the 1 month we never saw to ask how Vegas is doing, encouraging Pete that he'll get better. I just don't think Pete believes the same. Porsche has shown that he's oblivious about many things in the series and this fact, I believe, is one of them. I hope my answer satisfied you, I'm just rambling at this point and I repeated myself a couple of times. They're so fascinating though so my enthusiasm got the better of me haha. P.S. It would have been cool if Pete and Porsche had actually kissed in episode 4 but that would kind of go against Pete's philosophy of "Kissing is for people that we like only" and it would go against the headcanon I have that Pete doesn't like being touched/isn't intimate with anyone before Vegas (sth I'll write meta about soon :3)

[veliseraptor]

is it time for another 150 words meme? guess it is!!

for those who haven't been around for one of these - pick a number from the list of wips below and I will write 150 words in that project. you can send me up to three if you really can't decide on one. if you don't recognize or are curious to know more about what these are, my wip list has a brief summary of I think all of them.

twelve options and it's basically vegaspete and yi city all the way down with two wild cards

1. This place was too open and there were too many people around, none of whom he knew. There could be more of whoever those people had been around; he didn’t want to divide his focus to see if either of the two he’d dropped had ID. Pete was on his own and Vegas was compromised. “We have to go,” Pete interrupted. 

“You – what? What the fuck – are those guys dead?” 

“Sorry,” Pete said, adjusting his grip on Vegas. Then, because he felt rude and a little bit bad and Vegas did seem to like these people, he added, “have a good night.”

And he half dragged, half carried Vegas out into open air. 

Pete wavered between driving without somebody else as eyes or waiting for a car with a basically incapacitated Vegas and decided he wanted to get them out of an uncontrolled environment now. He disentangled himself from Vegas to put him in the passenger seat, which was more difficult than it sounded because Vegas didn’t want to let go and at one point bit his neck, which made it very hard for Pete to focus the way he needed to. (Drift)

2. Vegas wondered if he should try to pretend to know who he was talking about. Nobody liked hearing that the death that’d meant so much to them hadn’t made an impression. 

“You don’t even remember him, do you,” said his captor. 

“I have no idea who you are,” Vegas said. “So, no.” 

He didn’t like that, and expressed as much with another kick in the ribs. Vegas gritted his teeth so he didn’t yelp even though his vision swam and his head spun, his still mending insides vehemently protesting.  (All's Fair)

3. Xue Yang had a deep professional respect for Wei Wuxian’s work. He was, unquestionably, a master of their shared craft; Xue Yang had built a not insignificant part of his own work on the scraps of foundation he’d left behind. He was skilled, and smart, and based on his activities during the Sunshot Campaign had a nasty streak Xue Yang could appreciate. 

On a personal level Xue Yang sort of wanted to gut him with a dull knife. (demonic cultivator team up fic)

4. “Why are you guys being so weird,” he said aggressively. Vegas shot him a look that Macau met without wavering. “What? It’s making you really uncomfortable to be around.” 

“So go find somewhere else to be,” Vegas said. “Nosy.”

“I live here,” Macau said. He turned his gaze on Pete. “So?” 

Vegas could see Pete hesitating. His eyes darted toward Vegas and then away. 

“Don’t try to pry shit out of him just because you think he’ll crack before I do,” Vegas said. 

“He will, though,” Macau said, eyes still fixed on Pete. “You’ll tell me what’s going on. Right, P’Pete?” It hovered somewhere awkwardly between a wheedle and a command. Vegas reached over and smacked the back of his head.

“Cut it out, you little pest,” he said in English. 

“Did you have a fight or something?” 

Vegas’s insides seized up a little but before he could respond Pete said, “no, it’s not like that. Everything’s fine.” He smiled and Vegas felt like there was something scraping against his skin. He clenched his molars together until his jaw hurt. Macau looked even more suspicious.

“Riiight,” he said. “Sure.” (post canon vegaspete long(er) fic)

5. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Pete asked again, for the fifth or sixth time. Vegas gritted his teeth so he didn’t snap.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he said through them. “Stop asking.” Pete barely flinched before relaxing into an easy smile. 

“Okay,” he said. 

“You’ll have sightline from here,” Vegas said, by way of…not apology, but maybe it would help Pete feel a little better. “Don’t worry. I don’t think…” his voice wavered and he cleared his throat. “I won’t be long.” 

Pete scanned him with watchful eyes that didn’t quite match his smile. “You can stay as long as you want,” he said. In his eyes Vegas read I don’t like this. 

“I know I can,” he said sharply. “I wasn’t asking permission.” He turned before he could see Pete’s reaction and walked into the cemetery. (Fidelity)

6. “Can I tell you a secret,” a-Qing said, her voice now dull. Song Lan made an affirmative sound, though he tensed. A-Qing chewed her lower lip. “It’s bad,” she said. 

“Mm-mm,” Song Lan said in denial. A-Qing turned a little in his direction, looking at him through her eyelashes. 

“I think Daozhang is still in love with him,” she said despairingly. Song Lan’s heart sank, the hope that he’d been wrong dwindling to nothing. He said nothing, waiting, and a-Qing kicked her heels. “I thought he’d get over it, now that he knows how awful he always was but he still…it’s not fair. That bastard is dead and he’s still making everything worse.” 

Song Lan’s chest ached. 

“What are we going to do,” a-Qing said, her voice small and unusually young-sounding, so unlike her usual brash, confident self. 

I wish I knew. I wish I knew what was right. No, Song Lan had to admit to himself that was no longer his first question. He wished he knew what would help. Right or wrong, if it brought Xiao Xingchen some peace… (Life After Death)

7. That was the trouble, wasn’t it? Xue Yang was right: Song Lan did want him to suffer. He wanted him to feel every miserable bit of pain he’d caused him and Xingchen and so many others; he wanted him beaten down and broken and begging forgiveness that he would never, never receive. The violence of the thoughts he’d had about what he could do to Xue Yang frightened him. The ease with which he’d already done some things – nothing against the torments Xue Yang had inflicted, but that was not a standard he wanted to live by – sickened him. But that didn’t mean he didn’t crave vengeance. He hadn’t spared Xue Yang’s life out of kindness. 

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said, reading Song Lan’s silence correctly. “So there you go.”

Song Lan grimaced, closing his eyes and taking a moment to center himself before saying, “whatever – baser urges I might have, as I’ve said, that isn’t how I want to conduct myself. With anyone.” 

Xue Yang looked away from him. “Seems to keep happening, though,” he said. “So much for daoshi discipline, huh?” 

“You are remarkably good at trying my patience,” Song Lan said. Xue Yang’s eyes darted back in his direction and he laughed; this one sounded significantly less wild than some of his others. 

“It’s not just you, Song-daozhang,” Xue Yang said, his voice suddenly bright and lilting. “I try plenty of other peoples’ patience too.” 

“I can imagine,” Song Lan said, which drew another laugh from Xue Yang. 

“It’s a gift,” Xue Yang said, with a sunny smile. (Walking Far From Home)

8. Xiao Xingchen had to laugh. “I would try to coax you back out,” he said. “I’m sure you’d be a very cute tarantula.” 

Xue Yang laughed and grinned at him even more widely. “You would think tarantulas are cute,” he said. “Sure, okay. I’ll be your special tarantula and I’ll only bite other people, not you. I’m very venomous, though, so be careful.” 

Xiao Xingchen tried to look solemn. “I trust my tarantula boyfriend,” he said, but he couldn’t hold a straight face, breaking into a giggle. 

“Your first mistake,” Xue Yang said, the two of them laughing together. Then Xue Yang lit into tickling Xiao Xingchen, and Xiao Xingchen almost kicked him in the stomach by accident, and the shadows of his dream faded from his mind. (Redux)

9. So. He was back. 

He was back and he was alive and something was wrong with him.

There were a lot of things wrong with him. Clearly. Or maybe had been wrong with him all along and now it was just…exposed, laid bare, yanked out in the open where he couldn’t ignore it. 

Vegas had done a lot of things to him but Pete thought that might be the worst. (jiggety-jig)

10. “Why won’t it work, you mean?” Xue Yang said, and laughed. “I can’t tell you all my secrets, Zichen.” 

Don’t call me that, Song Lan almost wrote, but he stopped himself. There was almost certainly no better way to ensure that Xue Yang called him nothing else. Instead he wrote, I would expect you to want to brag.

“Ha,” Xue Yang said. “What would be the point? It’s not like you’d be impressed. And you already know how good I am. Was.” His smile fell away a little, momentarily, and for a split second Song Lan saw him as he’d truly been when he died, hollowed out and exhausted, bloody and beaten even before Song Lan slid Fuxue between his ribs. “You are how good I was. My greatest creation. Even more than the Yin Tiger Seal. I just remade that, after all, but you were all mine.” 

Song Lan couldn’t actually vomit but the nausea was still overpowering. (the poison in your bones)

11. Liu Mingyan was a problem. 

If she had to be fair (though Sha Hualing was not generally interested in being fair), she was less annoying than her brother, but that was setting a remarkably high bar, and she was more annoying to Sha Hualing specifically. As far as Sha Hualing could tell, Mingyan-guniang had made it her business to interfere with Sha Hualing’s business at every possible opportunity. Sometimes it seemed like she couldn’t turn around in the Human Realm without running into her, even when Sha Hualing wasn’t doing anything wrong. Or hadn’t done anything yet, anyway. 

Or at least hadn’t done anything Liu Mingyan could possibly know about. 

It wasn’t like Sha Hualing couldn’t handle her. Obviously she could; she’d defeated her one-on-one, and later on held her captive. It still made sense to be cautious. A little wary. Human beings could be tricky sometimes, and Liu Mingyan in particular made Sha Hualing uneasy. Not that she would say as much to anyone. (under pressure)

12. “All of us,” Gabriel said, “must, in our lives, learn how to surrender to some greater power. Preference may not come into it.”

Lymond’s unnaturally bright eyes blinked once. “Not mine, at any rate,” he said. “I’m sure your preference is quite informative, in this case.” 

“Your wound,” Gabriel said, removing his hands, “needs tending.” 

“And you, with your healer’s hands,” Lymond said. “Ille more suo victus pietate, nec sordes cavit, nec fetorum exhorruit.”

“I make no claims to the miraculous,” Gabriel said. “But such things come first and foremost to the faithful.”

“Accept Christ,” Lymond said, “and my deformities shall disappear. Deny him, and I am cast out of the body public. Is that it?”  (et ipsi sunt jacula)

[martianloon]

Fic Recs 5/11/24

9-1-1

Idiots on Reddit by 7ate9 | Rated: G | 35.7 k words | Complete

Buck and Ana seem to keep clashing during Eddie's recovery after the shooting. Both turn to Reddit for assistance, and both get answers.

Bad Buddy

Ask a Stupid Question by aworkingprinter | Rated: M | 32.6 k words | Complete

“I’m just asking if you like her.”

“What if I do?” said Pran. He didn’t say it like it was one of their usual challenges. He said it like he was seething. “What if I do, Pat?”

When Pat asks Pran if he likes Ink, Pran says yes.

KinnPorsche

Bloodsport by raelle | Rated: E | 42.5 k words| Complete

Part 8 of Love & Blood

When Pete sees shady figures staking out Macau’s school, he can’t tell if it’s paranoia or good sense that tells him they’re bad news.

A week later, Macau and Vegas disappear.

Pete races to track them down and get his family back.

--

The first 6 chapters are a complete story and rated M for blood and violence. The following two chapters are rated E and contain smut. Chapter 7 is an epilogue, and chapter 8 is an alternate ending.

Memento Mori, Memento Vivere by Lori0 | Rated: E | 34.2 k words | Complete

Remember that you must die, remember that you must live.

Porsche remembers. (Or, more accurately, Porsche never forgot.)

Dislocation by 99_9 | Rated: M | 25 k words | Complete

Part 1 of Train to Failure

The next time, Chan’s considerably more alert, like his brain has been doing some filing and redecorating while he slept. He remembers the fire fight. He remembers sitting by the front door planter and smoking, convinced he was going to bleed out, and the med team who rushed out to pull him into surgery just in time. He remembers brief flashes, rolling through the clinic and noting the water stain on the ceiling, vaguely hoping that his niece would be able to get a good rate on the foreign exchange for his estate and that the wire fees wouldn’t be expensive.

He lies still with his eyes closed, taking stock of his surroundings. He can hear the machines and another person breathing. He’s not sure if it’s a bodyguard - it might also be one of the boys, probably Tankhun. If Khun is sitting with him, there aren’t too many casualties, but if it’s a bodyguard -

He lets his eyes slit open. The person in the chair next to him is Kim. That’s a good sign.

Or: Chan lives. This makes some things simpler, and others more complicated.

MDZS/ The Untamed

To Arrive Without Leaving by 99_9 | Rated: E | 14.8 k words | Complete

Part 1 of To Arrive Without Leaving

Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue have been making eyes at each other across the Sect Leader's study for a while, each believing that their position prevents the other from wanting them. When Meng Yao is kidnapped, Nie Mingjue will do anything to get him back. Could this be the start of something new between them?

-

“Meng Yao,” said one of the men who had stuffed him into the sack outside his bedroom in the Unclean Realm, a large, dangerous looking fellow with a scar through his eyebrow.

Meng Yao just blinked. In all his hours of thinking, he’d never anticipated that he might be the one they were looking for. What an oversight.

“This Meng Yao is…” he said, and trailed off. This Meng Yao was very tired and very scared, he thought, but it wouldn’t do to say so.

Merlin

Deep In My Heart I'm Concealing by Cithara | Rated: E | 102.5 k words | Complete

Navigating life events that turn his world upside down, including his ascension to the throne and a revelation that rocks him to his core, Arthur's ever-evolving relationship with Merlin becomes the most important of his life. No one ever said love was easy.

“I would die before I hurt you,” Arthur said, his voice strangled. “I would kill anyone who ever tried to do you harm and it pains me to think that you could ever fear me.”

“I don’t understand,” Merlin said breathlessly. “You’re the king, you – ”

“I’m not standing here as a king, Merlin!” Arthur shouted, his voice breaking as he did so. “I’m standing here as a man, a man who believed he knew you completely, a man who thought you were the one constant in his life, a man who thought…who thought you were his,” he finished, horrified to feel tears pricking his eyes.

[saturnskyline]

i saw you talk about vegas and porsche, and would love your take on porsche and pete. i am torn between 'porsche wanted to protect pete and was ready to kill vegas if pete asked when he fixed him up' but also 'porsche made a deal with vegas and brought pete there without asking pete and that's kinda messed up?' where do you think they will stand post-canon? how does pete feel that they all sort of forgot about him and believed the grandma story?

ohhh anon, thank you so much for this! peteporsche is something very near and dear to my heart 💔💔 besties with trauma or something idk. i feel like there's so many different ways to interpret things, but i'll try to summarize my thoughts as best i can :)

so i've read some really good meta about this... and i know it's wild to link other people's fandom thoughts when asked for my own lol, but they just sum it up so nicely! first, there's this one by lu-sn that is such a fantastic and nuanced take that i can't get enough of it 🙏 basically porsche, whether consciously or not, put his own needs before pete's; he used pete as a bargaining chip to get information and help from vegas. also, in the ep 13 reaction, apo mentions that the last part of the bar conversation, where porsche tells vegas there'll be consequences if he hurts pete again, wasn't originally part of his dialogue. and wowww does that make me insane to hear. so what i'm getting is that, in the original script, porsche was meant to tell vegas he brought pete out for him, and then just. leave? i mean, at least he got a punch for pete in first, but still.. pretty brutal. so i guess that's the side where things look kinda messed up. after all, this seems like clear evidence that the mafia has changed porsche, since he is willing to put his friend in a potentially dangerous situation, even after knowing just how much damage vegas has done to him. now personally, i don't think he did this entirely on purpose, but he had a mission and he was going to accomplish it no matter what. which is... quite staggering when you sit and think about it 🙃

however, to give porsche some credit, there's another great post by kinnspocketporsche where they point out that pete is armed in this situation, while vegas is not, and it's possible that porsche negotiated that condition to ensure that pete would be physically safe if not emotionally. granted, it doesn't make what he did any less stupid, but there's an interesting angle to be had there for sure

so honestly? i think both things are true, somehow. porsche in the bathroom scene, seeing pete's plastered-on smile, tells him that he'll "go handle it" once he knows who's to blame for his pain, and i'm sure that he absolutely meant that. it's such a porsche thing to say; he's so incredibly earnest about seeking justice, putting things right. but if that's the case, did he consider handing pete over to vegas "putting things right"?? it's hard to say, but one thing that rings true to me is how porsche, by the end of the series, is yet another embodiment of pete's line, "there are no heroes or villains in this world". and the further i go with this, the more i realize the extent of the tragic poetry when it comes to these two.. oof

as far as post-canon goes, my headcanon is that pete and porsche remain friends in the odd spirit of borderline "all's well that ends well" that the finale had. i think porsche was (understandably) pretty shocked after the shootout, since he got the wake-up call that he didn't know pete as well as he thought he did. eventually, though, as he adjusts himself further to mafia life, he ends up being more understanding/accepting of pete's new life with vegas than most people. he might even notice similarities between vegaspete's relationship and his own with kinn: how they started in a turbulent way but grew into two people who found and clung to each other at every turn, even with all the odds stacked against them. perhaps, he thinks, that's just the nature of love in this insane world they all live in. however, i also like to think that he makes sure to remind pete that he's there if his friend ever wants an "out" (read: "i will murder him for you, just say the word"), even though pete always firmly declines the offer for obvious reasons lol

as for pete's feelings on being forgotten, i can only imagine how much that stung for him. i'm sure part of him almost expected it ("i never exist. i have no feelings" .... apparently it all comes back to ep 13), which makes things even worse. he knows his role as a bodyguard is to live and die for his masters, but he also knows that kinn does care for his people. hence the pain when kinn says, and i quote, "pete... i totally forgot about him!" 😥😥 it's terrible, and the saddest part is, there's really nothing they can do to make that up to him. korn let him "resign" from working for the family (heavy quotes there bc he really just wants to keep tabs on him in a different way), but they can never compensate for the damage they caused. and maybe that's the main takeaway with all of this: no heroes or villains, no true justice to be found in this life. a bit of a heavy conclusion, but then again. this is the mafia, i suppose :')

[thisisevenharderthannamingablog]

Liveblogging notes from ep. 5.

Regretting a few of our life choices this morning, are we Kinn? Good. (I'm enjoying him as a character, but dude, just because somebody is all but saying take me I'm yours doesn't mean you gotta.)

Porsche is not okay. :(

Kinn you really fucked up.

Kim wtf are you doing? Ah, digging for info, not getting much so Kim out. And Korn is under no illusion that his youngest was doing anything else. You did a great job on your kids.

The camera work on this show is an actual joy.

Porsche is giving him the cold shoulder and he's in trouble with dad, who knows everything. Short game. Kinn sucks at chess? He's not paying attention? He wants to get this over with? Oh wow he looks upset. Practically nothing has visibly fazed him up until now. I note that the game doesn't stop just because he loses in two minutes flat, either; it just resets.

So far this episode is hella somber, even given the Khun/Kim interaction. Change from the rather manic air we've had previously. Porsche is having the worst day, somebody rescue this guy, wtf? And right on cue is Pete, adorable and concerned and so, so oblivious about the real problem.

Kinn is back to day drinking and Porsche won't look at him and everyone is miserable (except Khun who has a whole new hobby -- at least it gets him out of the house) and they both try banging random people and can't stop thinking about each other.

I have to pause here and try to unpack some of this.

Porsche is going through it on so many levels. He's a fighter and has already been in one gunfight; getting hurt like that didn't affect him, but getting drugged and assaulted while virtually helpless is not something he's prepared for. He evidently doesn't remember that part of the night well enough to identify Vegas, but he might remember being scared. Likewise, that he might be personally targeted on the basis of who he works for clearly never occurred to him. (A little ironic given how many other characters are trying to figure him out.)

There's also the fact that he had sex with his boss, who is giving him almost no clue that it meant anything at all, leaving Porsche to wonder if this is some distressing requirement for working here that he didn't know about. The one thing the Mafia does not appear to have is an HR department. They'd started to interact kind of like normal people the other day, and now everything is weird and dangerous again. Is this like the Macau situation, where he's being shielded from something even worse? Or is this genuinely awful behavior on Kinn's part? How the hell would he know?

Then there's the sex itself, which between the whole question of his sexual identity, the uneven power dynamic, and Porsche's altered state of mind at the time, is complicated to say the least.

He's vulnerable, and he's isolated. His usual friends either aren't there or don't notice how much misery he's radiating. He's generally biased toward action as a character, but there is no action he can take, nothing he can do about any of this. It isn't much surprise that he's basically gone into shutdown.

Kinn is a bit more difficult since we still know less about him, but there's some parallels. There's a physical vulnerability component, very different from what Porsche is going through but no less complicated: it isn't just Kinn in danger. We got this much from the chess scene. The last time Kinn got involved with anyone, it ended in a disaster which did not affect just him. We are back, with some subtlety, to choice; it's not just a matter of which price does he want to pay, but who else is going to pay it. Porsche got targeted because Kinn likes him.

Then there's the emotional side of things. Kinn has been reminded that historically he is maybe not the best judge of who can be trusted, and the stakes are high. Sex is not allowed to have emotions tangled up with it. In fact, nothing is allowed to have emotions tangled up with it -- but we saw when he was talking to Korn how that runs against his instincts. He would like to prioritize Porsche right now, but a) doesn't appear to have the emotional toolkit and b) lacks confidence in his own judgement here, so he caves to his dad.

Kinn also has no one to turn to, unless you count his father, whose advice is clear but for some strange reason doesn't make anyone less unhappy. He has a lot more freedom to act than Porsche; there are lots of things he can do, it's just that all of them are making things worse, and so he's snappish and indecisive and defensive.

In case things aren't awful enough, look who rolls up while Khun and the gang are all leaving Yok's but the human red flag himself to take advantage of Porsche's state. Don't leave anybody alone with Vegas should be like, a standing order for these guys.

Oh wow, Kinn is drunk. Vegas is feeling like a winner.

Kinn, this is the opposite of a good way of dealing with any of this oh my god you actual disaster! Good, Porsche, call that bluff.

So. Much. Tension.

Bad decision again buddy! You are on one hell of a streak now. Ken is the one I can't pick out of the crowd ever. Give that man an accessory please, they all dress alike.

Thank god we are cutting to Chay, that was an exhausting half hour and unusually long tight focus for these episodes. Chay has just gotten off a better flirty line than every single one of the older characters together, well done.

Kim is still hunting for intel on Porsche. (New theory: Korn actually brought him in so the family would have something to do, like giving puzzles to your herding dogs so they don't rip up the furniture.) Kim's weakness is music I see, just has to play along. Given the established distance between Kim and his siblings, the contrast here is sad.

Korn has not caused enough trouble? Having your boss's boss ask how you're doing is awkward even at a normal job. Everyone makes mistakes literally none of this is Porsche's fault! Why does Korn look so satisfied with this development?

So Porsche gets a week vacation to hang with Chay and be reminded of why he agreed to do this in the first place? Hm.

Learn to knock FFS, Kinn. Oh, he did not know about this move from Korn? Why looking for Porsche dude? Finally sober up and realize how badly you fucked up? (We can hope.) I don't know if I would go with "heartbroken" so much as just plain "broken." Pete with some (badly needed) good advice.

Porsche's old friends can tell there's something going on with him. Porsche's new life keeps invading the settings of his old life.

Kinn you officially have less understanding of boundaries than my cat. Also, you have bodyguards for a reason. If you leave them behind so you can go argue with/apologize to Porsche, wtf did you think was going to happen?!

Chan with the red alert. Korn with an unreadable expression. It's been like a million years since we had an action scene. Big has the worst luck, damn.

[ae-azile]

Links and descriptions below cut:

The Weighted Blanket Ad No One Expected (But Everyone Deserves)

Current Number of Chapters: 25, with multiple finished works within the series altogether.

Current Word Count: 203,119

Summary: While Pete hadn't expected a normal life when he left his job to follow Vegas, he had expected something quieter than Vegas needing a lengthy hospital stay, finding out Gun and his own father had a sordid extramarital affair, and obtaining a magical and meddling weighted blanket from Tesco that forces him to share dreams with his boyfriend's mother. His boyfriend's dead mother. Or at least Milan was supposed to be dead. But according to the dream version of her, she and her sister-in-law are very much alive and trapped in an unknown location. Apparently saving them all comes down to Pete and anyone else he can convince that he hasn't completely lost it. This is the sequel to Giant Dancing Hedgehogs are Nightmare Fuel. It is necessary to read that before reading this, unless you want to be extremely weirded out and confused. Key Tags: Sequel, Post-Canon, Crack treated seriously, multi POV, long lost family members, possessed blanket, trauma, multiship (VegasPete, MacauOFC, ArmKhun, KimChay, KinnPorsche, NamphuengOFC), part of Mask Series.

Before We Forget

Current Number of Chapters: 6, with a few completed stories in series.

Current Word Count: 40,159

Summary: Vegas meets Pete nine days before his seventeenth birthday. Coincidentally, it is also nine days before Pete's nineteenth birthday. It's a coincidence that he doesn't see any importance in, but makes Pete smile. And Pete's smile is nice. It's bright like the sun shining down on them as they sit by the fountain. Set in the same universe as 5, 3, 1 and On and Giant Dancing Hedgehogs are Nightmare Fuel. Can be read as a standalone.

Key Tags: Prequel, Pre-Canon, VegasPete, Vegas POV, abuse from a parent/guardian (physical and emotional), sexual abuse (from people in power, autism spectrum, grief/mourning, parentified sibling, teen crush, open/ambiguous ending.

Coming to a Head

Current Number of Chapters: 7

Current Word Count: 20,877

Summary: Tankhun met his cousin as a sweet bundle of joy. His instilled resentment grew from there. Or... Snippets of Tankhun's interactions and complex relationship with Vegas throughout the years, pre-canon to post-canon.

Key Tags: Prequel, Tankhun POV, TankhunOFC, Tankhun pre-kidnapping, evil Korn. Brother/cousin dynamics, depressing, dark.

A Familiar Road to the Unknown

Current Number of Chapters: 1

Current Word Count: 5,518

Summary: When Big takes those bullets for Porsche in the warehouse, he fully accepts sacrificing his life. While Big's feelings for Porsche are lukewarm at best, he makes the decision to save his life knowingly. He is okay with dying if it means Kinn can finally be happy with someone he loves. Even if that person isn't Big. But it was never going to be Big. Big knows that now. He doesn't know how he survived. He also doesn't know why he is starting to feel like his love for Kinn seems as if it is fading, all while a strange friendship develops in its place. What's even more strange is the flutter in his chest whenever Chan comes to the infirmary to care for him, which is every single night. The time spent with Chan shows Big a different side to him, one that is softer and more skeptical towards the job they have signed their entire selves to. But with the crippling freedom Big's injuries have now given him, he finally has the time to focus on what he actually wants. He just needs to figure out what that is first. Key Tags: ChanBig, canon divergent, Big lives, Chan lives, injury recovery, hospitalization, protective Chan, protective Big, hurt/comfort, slow burn, side pairings.

I Do (Not Understand What's Going On)

Current Number of Chapters: 4

Current Word Count: 31,840

Summary: When Kinn wakes up to the news that his father is dead, he focuses on the tasks at hand: 1. Plan the funeral. 2. Settle all estate matters. 3. Avoid his complicated grief, as well as seeing Pa's body. 4. Tend to Khun's grief, since Kim claims to not have any. Plus, focusing on Khun's mental health means not focusing on what's happening in his own head. The problem is, his older brother seems FINE. He cried upon finding out about Pa and at the funeral, but he's doing better than Kinn has ever seen him. It makes Kinn more concerned, and that tells him the inevitable breaking point will be bad. He needs to be prepared for whatever comes. But nothing could have prepared him to receive an invitation to Arm's and Tankhun's wedding.

Key Tags: Korn Dies, ArmKhun, Cousin Reconciliation, Grief/Mourning, Kinn POV, Weddings, past gaslighting, abuse, and manipulation, mentions of past sexual abuse (Vegas and Gun as teens).

Lay Me Down to Sleep

Current Number of Chapters: 31

Current Word Count: 198,287

Summary: The last few months have been hard on Chay. He had gotten kidnapped, found out his brother was a mafia bodyguard, found out the guy he was in love with was using him to gain information, and discovered that his mother has been alive this whole time. So when Porsche gives him the okay to go home for a week to take a break from everything, he doesn't expect his brother to send Kim to stay with him too. KIM. If only his brother knew. Part of Chay wants to tell him that Kim broke his heart, even though the idea of his brother hating Kim doesn't sit right with him, despite everything. But Chay just needs to get through the rest of the week. Maybe if he ignores Kim enough, his ex...whatever he is...will take a hint. Or maybe they won't even make it through the first night before they get drugged, thrown in the back of a van, and handcuffed together. But even though getting kidnapped again wasn't on Chay's list of things to do, it is nothing compared to what happens after. Key Tags: Post-Canon, age regression/toddlerization, KimChay, soulmates, temporary character death, witchcraft, long lost relatives, secret siblings, friendships, pretend weddings in pool, cousin reconciliation, toddlerized Kim - and then more reveal themselves to be toddlerized or follow in his footsteps.

[chaos0pikachu]

ooh ooh ooh, for the meme, tell me the character everyone gets wrong in both mdzs AND in kinnporsche 🧋

oh girl MDZS is to easy we all know it's a mix of JGY first and foremost but know what I'd also say WWX especially if people have only watched the LA and not read the novel. What I like about MXTX's work in general is all the characters are interesting in some way even if I don't "stan" them or whatever.

Like I don't stan JC but he's still an interesting character in his own right. WWX is an interesting character, I really like them, but fandom has a tendency to do the opposite to him what folks do to JGY. Folks like to Bond Villain JGY and woobie-fy WWX. Which flattens both characters to their most trope-y basic parts. Fans don't seem to want to confront and include the good aspects of JGY and the net good he does in the novel, just like they don't want to confront the negative aspects of WWX and the harm he did to others (also being self-destructive like that's a char flaw and not a uwu he hates himself uwu like self-destructive behavior is a BAD thing it's not cute).

I can get behind slut!WWX with the best of them but also acknowledge that when pushed, and at his worse, he also murdered a fuckton of people lol

For Kinnporsche, hmmmmm surprisingly I feel like majority of fandom has a decent grasp on the characters as they're presented in canon. For a bit I'd say people were struggling with understand Kinn and surprisingly, Pete.

Kinn was obvious, Porsche is our beloved and Kinn hurt him (around the Tawan arc) so sympathy was more inclined to go towards Porsche than people trying to understand Kinn's POV. I think one thing fandom was struggling with was understanding Kinn's filiality towards his father (sound familiar? lol) and the mafia life. Porsche's problems - being poor, feeling out of his depth, being insecure about his relationship with Kinn when an old ex shows up - are much more relatable than the weight of being a mafia heir lol

For Pete, well for a while there was this idea that Pete was like...a good person??? Which I thought was baffling. It goes back to this violence thing, audiences tend to only care about violence if it happens on screen, and even then only if it happens to chars they feel emotionally attached to. Like if Pete had beat up Chay or something to protect Vegas (which I could see him doing tbh) I think fans would view Pete as more idk "bad" I guess. I don't view Pete as an either/or but a both/and. Pete, like most of the chars in KP lives by his own internal moral code.

Like, Pete kills people. That's a thing he does. On screen even. He has no qualms about murdering people for the betterment of the main family, and later to protect Vegas. He's a perfect match for Vegas in that sense, because he's self-aware enough about himself to know he's a violent person, or at least is fine with violence. He doesn't shake or look away when Vegas is torturing a man (in his hilarious murder poncho at that). I like Pete as a character for that reason because he's set up as the BL tropey best friend of the protag but he ends up being way more than that.

🔥 CHOOSE VIOLENCE ASK GAME 🔥

[myezblog]

Ep 13 KinnPorsche - What really broke Pete and Why it had to happen like this

What broke Pete

We saw Pete being electrocuted and what not, but he never lost his appetite, or his fighter spirit, or his talking to self comedy. Then, why so sad post s3x.

We ended ep 12 with Pete’s smile. He kissed because he realized he likes this man. He made love for the first time. And, he was happy to see his man being happy in his company.

We start ep 13 with a visibly depressed Pete. Scars have lessened. Bandages are gone. Lying position is different. Hands are handcuffed. Pants are different. Clearly, this is not a continuation. V X P have been having s3x. Yet, Pete is sad.

******************************

Pete’s perspective

Pete is falling in love with each passing moment. He should hate his situation, but he is finding himself enjoying it as long as Vegas is around. And, Pete knows this is not the right feeling he should have in this captive scenario.

AND YET this is not what broke him. 

What really pushed Pete over the edge was the feeling of falling irrevocably in love with someone, giving that person your everything, and making a fool of yourself. Because, that person does not reciprocate Pete’s feelings. Infact, from Pete’s perspective, that person just considers Pete as a mere object of s3x, a pet to seek comfort, a recipient of bipolar emotional outbursts. Pete is just a meaningless existence. And, this is heartbreaking. 

This heartbreak is not only driving Pete to feel worthless, but just making him feel disgusted with himself. All he is seeking in this episode is “I love you”, but what he hears is “You are sexy”, “You are a fool”, “i need you”, “don’t leave me”, “You are my pet”. “Don’t think you can say anything because we had s3x”, a noodle bowl which is not edible, start over but with chains

I do think had Pete gotten his heartfelt “I love you”, he would have stayed. His mood would have changed.

The sad part is.. in all those lines Vegas was indeed saying I love you

**************************************

Vegas’ perspective

You are sexy ( I have never felt anything like this before, and trust you me because i have slept with so many)

You are a fool ( my fool, how are you so different, you are too good for this world); Vegas’s smile during opening sequence is so giddy in love smile

I need you - but Vegas’ need is his lifeline.. not a time pass or need of the hour.

Don’t leave me - i can’t breathe..

And as we do find, Pete finally accepts Vegas the moment Vegas says “You can’t shoot me and you know why. I am sorry” ... he knows Vegas is talking Love. He also knows that Vegas has risked everything to meet him. Vegas has come out of hiding to a place where Kinn’s men are (after all tankhun is here, Porsche is here.. but ofcourse there are bodyguards and security and kinn’s surveillance)

And from Vegas’ perspective ... he is not here to say stay with me, accept me.. none of that.. he really does want to apologize... he wants to make sure Pete knows that he is not like everyone else for Vegas.. he is special.. he is the man Vegas fell in love with.. and Vegas can risk anything for him.

The lyrics on screen in their individual cryfest scene fit both of them very well and give their perspective. 

Vegas is in love but knows Pete does not love him back. Pete would prefer to not have Vegas in his life. He wants Pete to know that he misses all of it... and he wasn’t having s3x , he was making love

Pete is in love and thinks Vegas does not care...but he would like to be in clear...he can’t take the heartbreak and being made into a fool.. 

**************************

Opening Sequence

Both are in different places. They think they are being obvious, but they aren’t. Here, Pete atleast thinks it is a one sided emotion and it is making him miserable.

Vegas is full of admiration... a strong attraction he does not want to name.

A compliment from the one you love, but it hurts. “You are sexy” (lust, physical). The choice of words can be very hurtful depending on emotions. From Pete’s perspective, he gives a lukewarm “mmm”... (Right, I am after all here to just fulfill your physical requirements and desires. Who am I, a nobody)

While we get an expressionless “Mmm” from Pete...look at Vegas. He has just complimented the man he is falling for, he is smiling.. his feelings behind “You are sexy” are so different... you are alluring, i have never felt this way with anyone else (and believe you me because i have slept with many)

***************************************

Yok’s Bar - some details are just magnificent

The show is reminding you, Vegas hasn’t changed for the world. He HAS ONLY Changed for Pete (and i guess that’s the journey for his character to change for Pete and that means change for the world)

[followdelight]

Vegas and BDSM (a short essay)

So, I love VegasPete and Ep 12.  But their conversation in Ep 13 has been sticking in my brain.  My main question was: 

Why does Vegas have all this bondage gear at home, which he must use/have used with partners, but tell Pete he always thought he was a ‘freak until now’?  

My theory is that Vegas hasn’t actually ever had a natural sub before.  

He’s probably had partners that agreed to get tied up bc he’s fuckin’ hot and intimidating and they figure yeah okay why not I guess, but they likely try it once and then were like “that’s too much” and bounced.  Or even likely he’s been with sex workers but there was never negotiation since he was paying, so he never got to fully satisfy a sub the way he wanted.  Their reactions were probably tepid & underwhelmed and Vegas was left frustrated and hurting and probably in top drop not sure what’s wrong with him and his desires.  

Bc there is NO way Tawan was kinky... I just cannot see it.  Vegas probably held him down like *once* or got a little rough with him, and Tawan reacted poorly–either like with disgust or just pouty like ‘why u hurt me i’m baby’ –and so Vegas had to approach his entire relationship with Tawan with his mask on (I mean was he also just using that boy from the get go anyway, yes, but he knew Tawan never really ‘loved him’ – he *couldn’t* – bc he didn’t actually *KNOW* Vegas at all).

So after Pete kisses Vegas and Vegas takes over the situation, maybe he carefully lifted Pete’s arms as he kissed down the back of his neck and urged him to grab onto the chains, and Pete *did it*.  And not just that, Pete wrapped his *own wrists* in said chains, as he held on for the rimming of his life.  And then Vegas presses Pete into the mattress and it’s PETE who *hands him* the rope.  PETE who initiates the bondage/kink, and you can SEE how much this means to Vegas by the way he kisses Pete’s hands so gently and tenderly after tying them, presses them carefully into the mattress over his head.  Pete lets him chain his feet up.  

But Vegas does not initiate any pain play, and I like to think this is because somewhere in his hindbrain Vegas may not know a lot about bdsm etiquette bc he’s always just done whatever he wanted, but he knows enough to know that the sub is in control, and Pete asked explicitly to be tied up but did not ask to be hurt.  And obviously Vegas likes to hurt people, and I can personally only picture a future for them where Pete eventually opens up to that side of bdsm and allows himself to be hurt – but *only* in the ways that please him – and Vegas diligently takes care of him then, and never goes too far or pushes his boundaries ever again, unless or until Pete gives the okay.  

Because it’s clear that just like Vegas needs to be loved, Pete desperately needs to be able to truly *give up control*.  And I don’t mean of his autonomy; he’s had enough people do that, Kinn/the main family, his father, even Vegas at first.  I mean that he is finally able to let go of all the responsibility he holds, the facade he maintains of happy/cheerfulness, never letting a problem get him down, always there to be of assistance and sacrifice himself if necessary.  He gets to be SEEN by Vegas.  The weak parts of himself, the hurt parts of himself.  And then Pete getting to be tied up and *taken care of for once*.

[teenjiism]

obsessed with vegaspete’s codependency. they know it’s unhealthy, it’s what fucks pete up for a while. he doesn’t understand why he craves vegas so much, why he cannot breathe without him. he accepts his attachment and attraction to him but he cannot wrap his head around his dependency and his desire to be with vegas.

because, see. vegas realized pete had feelings for him before pete, himself, did. he knew that as much as pete might hate him for what he’s done, he hated vegas more for making him feel the way he did. he hated vegas for the storm he caused inside pete because pete couldn’t exist anymore the same way he did before. he couldn’t put on his fake smile and be a loyal little dog to the major family. every part of him craved vegas, missed him. and it was fucking unexplainable because he shouldn’t feel this way, not about vegas. and not about anyone, after such a short time.

and vegas — him saying he loves pete, it was fast. especially given how little he actually knows about pete but at the same time, he knows sides of pete nobody else does. he knows things so deeply hidden about him that just him knowing about these parts changed everything. so yes, it might have been fast, but vegas never learnt how to love in a healthy way (and his love for macau can’t even be brought into this conversation). he never learnt how to love, probably was never allowed to but the one time he let his guard down enough to let someone in, to let someone see him, he fell, hard. because he saw himself in pete, he felt understood, listened to, he felt accepted, he felt his intensity being returned and for vegas, that’s all he ever wanted. he’s already shown to have a bit of an obsessive streak so him becoming obsessed and so attached to pete so quick is not a surprise. he was ready to start a new life with pete, someone he’s “known” — really, truly known, for like a week. and i think vegas recognizes immediately that this is fucked up, that it’s a little insane and intense, and it dawns on him even more when pete escapes.

once back at the major family, while pete is trying to unpack his feelings for vegas, the romantic connection, the burning need for vegas — not necessarily just sexual, but overall need to exist with vegas by his side, vegas is a step further. he already recognized this part in himself, he knows he cannot live without pete. but what’s even more important, he knows that pete cannot live without him either. they crave each other in such a deprived, primal way because they’re the only ones who really know the other one.

and then vegas spits it in pete’s face — shoot me! i don’t think you can and you know why, — and pete can’t ignore it anymore because vegas is in front of him again and against everything in him telling him to just shoot him, he can’t. he is the only person pete allows himself to be pete with, he might be the source of his misery but he’s there to catch pete when he falls apart in his arms. and again, it’s fucked, but all throughout the evening, pete has been miserable. and when vegas showed up, yes, he was still miserable for ten new reasons now, too, but at least he was with vegas again.

and then. and then the parking lot scene. pete doesn’t want vegas dead. pete wants to rip out his heart and vegas with it, but can’t. when vegas is in real danger — of getting shot by others, he saves him by shooting him instead. pete wants vegas to hurt the same way he did, throws all of his conflicted feelings into every punch and vegas takes it because he deserves it. because he knows he deserves way more than this. but then vegas asks him to kill him, if it comes to it, and pete’s brain freezes. because no, no, no, no, fucknonono. he can’t have vegas dead. he can’t lose vegas. he cannot live without vegas, nononono. i think that’s when it dawns on him, that he cannot live without vegas, no matter how little sense it makes. and then vegas says he loves him and kisses him, all bloody, and runs away and fuck. pete knows he could lose vegas any second and he can’t deal with that.

pete gives up everything he knew for vegas and in such a short span of time — between the parking lot scene and the pool one, he’s come to accept that he cannot live without vegas. he wants him, all of him, with all of their fucked up history, he needs vegas. and then vegas tries to push him away and pete is on his knees, begging to be with him and it’s so fucked up that he wants to belong to vegas, but he really does want all of it. i think in his desperation to get vegas to listen is the first time he allows himself to be truly honest about the depth of his feelings, because he has to show vegas he wants him just as much as vegas wants pete. that vegas might have lost everything, but pete gave up everything for him.

and then vegas gets shot and pete falls apart, and screams in agony and spends who knows how long by his bedside, waiting for vegas to wake up. pete killed for vegas without a second thought, without hesitation and that’s something he probably had to deal with. imagine the desperation while not knowing if vegas would ever recover, waiting for him to come out of surgery. fearing what would happen once he wakes up because what if he has lasting injuries? and even more than that, vegas lost his father and his family title, he truly only has pete and macau now — how will he deal with that? how will pete deal with that?

but vegas wakes up and while i’m sure his recovery is nowhere near an easy one, his feelings for pete are unchanged. pete was awake while vegas was recovering and he had plenty of time to think and overthink their relationship and his feelings for vegas, but vegas had been asleep. and then vegas woke up and he said that pete is the most important person in his life and they probably both know how fucking insane that is, given everything and their time together, but he’s not even lying (macau is always implied to be the most important and loved in his life, too) and at that point, pete feels the same way.

and we could say that maybe they’re only this codependent because so much insane and intense shit was squeezed into such a short span of time but no — no. vegas, by nature, is undoubtedly an intense person. he is So Much, he feels So Much and with burning intensity. he doesn’t half ass anything, he is a 110% type of person but it’s always been somewhat downplayed because nobody could really handle such a big bite. until pete. because sweet, funny pete, who seemed so mellow and vanilla in every way, almost watered down, i’d say, turned out to be someone who could match this intensity with his own. his is not the same as vegas’, i wouldn’t say that. they complete each other in a very interesting way, because they can both go high and low — pete can match vegas’ fervor, he can even add more fuel to it but vegas can also match pete’s because pete is a safe space for him to be himself, to show a calmer, gentler side of himself, to slow down for a second and just breathe.

they work wonderfully together, even if it’s a little dysfunctional at times, but they both recognize that without each other, they would fall apart. they’ve both seen the light at the end of the tunnel and the depths of the darkness with and thanks to each other and they cannot let go, cannot let go of finally being allowed to be just themselves with someone and being loved for it.

[slonekaru]

I’m back with another question!! What were your top 5 moments in a BL.

It could be the moment you went from “I kinda like this show to I love this show so much” or like moments that made you swoon.

Wow this one is actually so much harder than favourite BL's of this year! (I also had to remind myself that it wasn't just sex scenes - bad brain)

Love in the Air - Riding (Episode 6)

So we are starting with a sex scene but lets face it that scene left me gobsmacked! Payu may have still been the Dom and in charge but he let Rain reward him for winning his race and take control.

The tongue lick, Rains dirty talk, Payu looking absolutely wrecked.

If I could get pregnant via watching TV, that moment Payu called Rain Naughty Boy, IN THAT VOICE, would have been it.

Then when Rain said he was riding, I was like, he's not, he's not, he is! OMG he did!!!

Cutie Pie - Marriage Talk (Episode 7)

The scene where they are in Lian's club and talking about marriage. I really liked the discussion in general. It's a popular discussion point in BL's now but I liked this one because it had one friend that took the role of 'why is it important you can still be together'. I thought it was important because friends sometimes say things like that without malicious intent they just don't think.

The other reason I love it was it was my intro to BounPrem. I heard people go on about them but had never watched a show with them in. As soon as I saw them I fell in love with their pairing. It was a revelation and I fell down the BounPrem rabbit hole.

I believe my thoughts were along the lines that Boun looked like a vampire (hilarious since I later found he wants to play one) and that Prem looked like he would be really good in bed (again - bad brain). I also like it because it has more PremBoun vibes rather than BounPrem.

Between Us - Boyfriend Talk (Episode 5)

This has been stuck in my head the last couple of weeks.

The fact Win leaves his bedroom door open for Team and that Team is comfortable enough to let himself in speaks to how their relationship is progressing.

But the part that got me was when Team asked Win not to see anyone else at that time. When Win doesn't reply, Team looks so heartbroken.

It must have taken great courage to ask for exclusivity when they are on such unsure footing.

Then the fact they both clearly want to date each other but aren't ready yet.

We Best Love: No 1 for You - Confess and Walk Away (Episode 5)

I love the We best Love series so much. I'm sad Season 3 has never materialised.

Shi De confesses to Shu Yi while he thinks he is asleep and later (after some intervention from a third party) Shu Yi confronts Shi De.

It's beautiful, they are just two guys talking and then Shu Yi says he never wants to fall in love with a man. The camera is focused on Sam Lin's face who is playing Shi De and I feel it every time. The way Sam Lin is trying to hold back the tears but still helping Shu Yu. It's so real. So, so very real. And then he tells Shu Yi to be happy and find a nice girl. So heartbreaking.

I will watch this scene over and over.

Kinnporsche - Apologise (Episode 13)

Lets face it, there were so many moments between Vegas and Pete.

Trying to choose one was so hard! Do I choose the post-credit scene, the sex scene, the talk about their fathers, Vegas being shot, Pete leaving the Main Family, Pete first seeing Vegas torture someone.

But ultimately I picked the scene behind the bar after Pete escapes the safe house.

Biblebuild were so amazing. Pete truly needed the apology from Vegas, he needed the breakdown. It was finally about Pete and not about Vegas like the earlier apology. Vegas is the only person Pete cried in front of during the series. And Vegas needed to truly understand how much he hurt Pete.

[heretherebedork]

The way that Vegas wasn't angry at Pete for leaving. He wasn't angry, he wasn't upset, he knew that Pete would leave and he heard the apology and he knows he was wrong and all he wants is a chance, all he wants is to not be alone. He literally risked everything to come back into the space of the main family, to leave the safe house he'd been in, in order to find his way back to Pete's side. Helping Porsche was just a side part of that, just an excuse to get back to his side.

Vegas is broken and bleeding and his mask his cracking because he's realized that what he feels is not a lie, it's not nothing, it's all part of him. Vegas cannot go back to who he was because Pete has changed the core of him, changed the very way he sees himself, changed him on a fundamental level from who he was before.

Because the Vegas he was never would have held Pete's gun to his chest and told him to kill him, never would have trusted that the choice Pete made there would have been the one he cared about no matter which choices it was.

But the Vegas he is now knows that the most important person in his life is Pete, that without Pete all he has is emptiness and a mask that doesn't fit and the shattered pieces of himself mixed with the pieces of Pete that he can't separate himself from any more.

To see Vegas so honestly desperate and so honestly needing and so honestly broken... he has discovered the heart at the center of his hollow chest and he broke it at the same time. We saw that when Pete grabbed the knife, when Pete hurt himself in a way that Vegas could no longer bring himself to do.

Vegas has found his heart in his hollow chest and that heart is named Pete.

(And isn't beautiful how much Pete wants the same thing in return, wants what Vegas has to offer, but knows that it cannot be the only thing the are, cannot hidden away, cannot be all of them and consume them because he still has a world outside Vegas, a world Vegas never had. Pete is not only Vegas' heart, he is Vegas' door, the way out of the struggles he's been trapped in for so long.)