#but Shannon might not have been comphet

[bucksboobs]

Gonna be so controversial and say this might be the first time I’ve considered that Eddie might not be 100% gay.

[simonexhaled]

“how could eddie and buck not know they’re in love with each other?” “they’ve been in love before, ofc they would recognise the feeling” buck’s biggest love was abby and eddie’s was shannon and both relationships were filled with issues and clearly they weren’t meant for each other.

on top of that we’ve seen how both of them aren’t necessarily in tune with their feelings, especially when it comes to relationships. oliver talked about how buck in s1 had feelings he couldn’t understand when he first saw eddie, plus buck thought that him checking guys out meant nothing and it took him over 30 years to figure out he’s bi. we’re seeing now more than ever how eddie’s perception of his relationship with shannon is idealised and ryan even called him delusional (also, its been implied multiple times that he didn’t get married out of love, but did it because it felt like the right thing to do).

neither of them are experts at love and also, comphet is very much a thing. especially if you have yet to come to terms with your sexuality, comphet will make you rationalise any feelings or attractions you might have for anyone you’re not supposed to.

you don’t have to ship buddie, but some people are trying so hard to prove it could never go canon that they’re denying experiences queer people irl go through and it’s just weird.

[tidesreach]

Soo agree that both buck and eddie could use some therapy (but neither has to be perfect for them to love each other!) but I do think part of the argument is that eddie needs to let go of shannon before he can fully commit to someone else. Of course he'll always love and cherish her and keep her memory alive but he's been putting her on a pedestal and thinking of her as this one magical love he can never have again and that's just not true ❤️

see, i get where you're coming from. BUT, i think a lot of eddie moving on from shannon means, WELL. it means grappling with the fact that he’s queer. that he holds onto shannon so hard, has spent so long romanticising their relationship and, as you said. putting it on a pedestal. searching for a carbon copy of her, even. or, a second chance, if you will. that he keeps doing that because he thinks that's what he should want. woman, wife, mother. that's what he SHOULD want. i don't think moving on from shannon necessarily means letting her go. controversial maybe? i don't know. but as someone who has dealt with loss i don't think you ever really let them go. you learn to live with the loss. you learn to let the loss live as part of you and not the whole of you.

also, i don’t think eddie needs to let shannon go so much as he needs to let the idea of her go. because while i do not contest the fact that he loved her entirely, in whatever way that meant to him. i think that he uses that love as an easy way to wave away all the reasons why his relationships since haven't worked out. so he doesn't have to look too closely at the real reasons. because it's easier. it's easier for him to say, "well, shannon was the love of my life" rather than try to deal with the fact that, yes. maybe she was the love of his life. but not in the ways he wanted her to be, not in the ways he thought she should be, and not of his whole life. because there is life after her, and there is love after her. there is buck. like, i don’t think that he truly does see shannon as this one magical love he can never have again. i think that's what he has to tell himself so he doesn't have to reckon with the fact that he loves buck. and, well. significantly, that he loves buck in ways he couldn't love shannon and that's okay. rather than let her go, he needs to stop punishing himself for not being able to love her and be there for her the way he wanted to. he doesn't need to let her go to commit to buck. he's already committed to buck. what he needs is to let go of the comphet idea that love (for him) should look a certain way. and honestly. this is a procedural drama. i don't need him to have episodes upon episodes of suffering through therapy and rehashing shannon again and again. like, honestly? i think that the moment. the MOMENT buck kisses him or vice versa or both at once, that that will be the catalyst. that will be the defining moment. that will be the, "oh. this is what it's supposed to feel like." and sure, maybe there might be a little conflict to reckon with, some catholic guilt. there'll be conversations. with hen, maybe. with bobby. with buck, obviously. but i think what he really needs is to kiss his best friend and wait for it to feel wrong. except it DOESN'T.

[sevensoulmates]

A bit bummed buddie is going canon on such a short season but the writers are doing an awesome job (and you guys have waited long enough I just got here lol) so I’m stoked!!! There’s some much potential for fun storylines here I’m so excited!! What are some storylines you’d like to see once they are together? Could be comical or more series

Well, I mean I guess it depends on what your definition of "canon" is. To me, based on the last episode alone, they're already canon (meaning it's basically irrefutable to me that they're going to eventually be in a relationship or be endgame). If by canon you mean "starting a relationship" I actually don't think that's going to happen this season. I think it'll be next season at the earliest. I do have faith that now that the writers/creators are getting a bit more freedom, they're first going to put Buck and Eddie through the personal arcs they need to go through first. For Buck, realizing he's bi and feeling more secure in who he is as a person. For Eddie, realizing he's lived with comphet his entire life and finally accepting who he is and finally living his life in a way that will actually make him happy.

Once they've done that then they'll be able to get them together.

Some things I'd like to see:

-(This might be unpopular but) I want the sperm donor stuff/ Connor/Kameron to come back up. I want Buck to reckon with that choice he made, and truly recognize that he's been a father figure to Chris this whole time. I don't need the baby to be in his life, but just a reference or even a run-in with Connor/Kameron. Something to put a bookend on that storyline now that Buck is settled with Eddie/Chris.

-Chris wants to learn to drive/get a license, and Eddie + Buck have to navigate that worry together

-My heart's biggest desire is for them to just work side by side like normal but just have more small moments that very obviously are indicators that they're together (something along the lines of the scene where Eddie suddenly knew a bunch of fun facts about Goat Yoga, or the scene where they're just chatting while they patched up the dude who broke his leg in the fire at dispatch). Scenes where they work in sync together, but maybe before something dangerous, they share looks or have a private code that means be safe.

-in the same vein MY KINGDOM for Buck and Eddie to have a scene like Bathena had in 2x01 where they meet up between the firetrucks and one of them pushes the other up against the side of the truck and kisses him. My entire life would be made.

-I would like a storyline where Buck gets to meet Eddie's family from Texas a little better. I don't believe that there wouldn't be conflict with them (maybe not straight-up homophobic but I just can't imagine Helena accepting it all so easily. I just know she'd be a queen of microaggressions). I DESPERATELY need Eddie to stand up for himself to his mom in particular.

-(this would be very far in the future) but I want Buck to eventually go out for fire captain. I think he would be a great fit and I think it'd be very interesting for them to have to adjust to such a big change in their work dynamic after X amount of years.

-a motherfucking WEDDING. And I don't want it to be a small thing like a backyard wedding, or a courtroom wedding, or an elopement in the hospital or something. It doesn't necessarily need to be HUGE but I would like a semi-traditional wedding. Idk why but I have a MIGHTY NEED to hear Buck and Eddie's personalized vows to each other and I NEED to see them have their first dance. Honestly, I take back the traditional wedding thing. As long as I get to hear every word of their vows and see them slow dance, they could do it at the firehouse or a dumpster for all I care.

-I'd be interested if Shannon's relatives show up and want to be a part of Christopher's life or something. Or even like, just want to visit him but Eddie's unsure because it brings up bad memories and stuff. I'd be interested to see Shannon's relative's reaction to Eddie with a man.

-OOHOOHOOH EDDIE CHILDHOOD SCENES a la Buck Begins. I want to see what he was like when he was younger to see how much of him has changed since he had Chris, since he went to the military, etc. Dear God I want an Eddie Begins Again.

That's all for now! I gotta make my drive home!

[userautumn]

I think some of the aesexuality argument is coming from the idea of compulsory heterosexuality? That Eddie feels and had always felt like the only way to be 'a man' is to be with a woman.

It feels like most of the time when Eddie has ended up with a woman, it's either been some version of Shannon, or it's been at someone else's urging that he needs to find a girlfriend and settle down. When women show interest in him outside of those situations, he always seems to deflect as politely as he can.

I'm not particularly tied to the idea, and I'm not trying to cause any arguments or anything, I just thought it might offer another view on why people might be saying it.

Wow, this is so... interesting.

Okay, so, the CompHet argument I can understand and I think that applies no matter what sexuality you think he is. So I can see the angle there.

Where things get a little foggy for me is the second part of your message where you talk about Eddie being with a woman who reminds him of Shannon. That's only happened once (Kim) and, under the circumstances, being intimate with her would have made sense. But he never did because the affair didn't get that far. He's not been with any other women who even closely resemble Shannon in appearance or personality. As for someone else urging him to try and move on romantically from Shannon's death, like Bobby (he NEEDS to stop giving my man advice 😭), the thing that doesn't make sense is... I still don't know how we make that leap from "Eddie moves on and starts dating" to "Eddie isn't sexually attracted to any of these women." You know? like I feel like there's a piece missing before I can make it make sense in my head.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

can i ask you something? what makes this different from s4 with buck and eddie? didn't you say you lost faith after s4, so how was it restored and how did what happen in the s6 finale not make you lose faith in what would have been the series finale, they got buck and eddie together with random women they have no chemistry with?

I feel like I've answered this question a hundred times but, okay, once more with feeling! A one and a two and a three!

My faith was restored with season four after I a) calmed down b) took a step back and had more time to reflect and c) wasn't having a mental breakdown. As I've said before, my personal life was bad at the time, so when my fictional TV show didn't give me what I wanted and it was one of the few things giving me an escape/joy at the time, I didn't handle it well. But when I took a step back, chatted with others, and had some time to reflect, I realized I had been too impatient in my expectations. Season five was fantastic for me re: Eddie's growth and healing, as well as Buck approaching romantic relationships. I was honestly surprised they didn't get together in the season five finale, that was my expectation and it seemed properly built up, but then we had weird pacing in season six in regards to Buck and Eddie especially so I really suspect BTS stuff was going on.

I don't lose faith because I have seen what happens when people rush shit for a finale because they are cancelled or might be cancelled. You do not have to agree with my opinion on this. You are welcome to say, well if this was the finale I'd be pissed! But I, personally, would have been upset if they'd rushed my getting together moment because they were scared they'd get cancelled.

Additionally, again, we do not know what's going on behind the scenes. Clearly stuff was going on during season six. I don't mean to put on a tin hat here, but it's possible Fox said "no." It's possible Tim said "no." It's possible there was other shit going on that I can't even guess on because I'm not involved, that led to a "no" that will become a "yes" now that they've moved to ABC. We do not know.

I have not lost faith because guess what! It was NOT the series finale. I do not care for the "almosts" of other timelines. This is the timeline I'm in, thanks, and what matters to me is not what might have happened or what almost happened but what did happen. In my opinion, the writing team chose to take a risk and not get Buddie together, not compromise their relationship, in the hopes they'd get picked up somewhere else. It's a risky move, but once you get Buddie together you can't take it back, and so I respect that they stuck to their guns.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH ME. But this is my opinion of why I'm not upset. As a writer, I respect when someone has the integrity to hold to their vision even if it means taking a risk.

(And frankly I didn't like it for a series finale for any of the characters, not just Buddie! As much as I love all of them. I want to see the Madney wedding, I want Athena to quit her damn job, I want Chim to get a storyline not tied to Maddie... etc.)

As far as where the boys are now, given this was not the series finale:

Back when it looked like Eddie would get with Ana, a lot of us were excited, because we felt it was important Eddie date other people before he dates Buck. Shannon is the only relationship he's ever had and we felt that for his own sake, his confidence, his maturity, he date at least one other person.

But that's not how his relationship with Ana went. He did it to give Chris a parent, he did it before he was ready, he did it because he felt he had to. Whatever sexuality you believe Eddie to have, the entire Ana relationship was steeped in comphet. It didn't give him confidence or help him learn to have an adult relationship. So Eddie needs, in my opinion, to date around a little. For himself, because he wants to. Then he'll have the confidence to be with Buck.

Buck's relationship with Natalia will, I hope, give him the growth I wanted him to have with Taylor. He did a lot of growth regarding his platonic family this season, but it was also made more clear to him than ever that he wants to be a father and a husband. But as we see he once again let someone else pick his couch. This time, Natalia. She seems like the band-aid solution to his post-death trauma, but the audience has already been set up to see that Eddie is what's right for Buck, not her. It's clear to me from the writing that they had to hedge their bets, again for whatever BTS reason, but they are still priming the audience to know Natalia's not right for Buck, Eddie is.

Personally, given Natalia's reaction to Buck's relationship with Kameron and Connor, I think Christopher will be the breaking point. Buck will never, ever choose anyone else over Christopher. And I don't think Natalia, who didn't seem super comfy with kids in the first place, will like that her boyfriend has a parental and unshakable relationship with someone else's kid. And who can blame her? It's hard to build a life with someone when they're co-parenting another kid already. It's kinda the number one concern divorced parents have when dating again - I already have a child, and I share that child with someone else, but I'm not romantically with that someone else, how can a new person accept that? It's hard! It's uncomfy! It's difficult!

Again, we saw Buck fall asleep on Eddie's couch. Eddie is Buck's true partner. Buck is already a father (and possibly will be again, I think it's looking more and more likely that Buck and Eddie will adopt a child once they get together, Buck loves Chris but clearly also wants a baby - c'mon writers give me a safe haven baby), to Christopher.

Just as he realized with his coma dream that Bobby is his true father, the one he already has, and that means he can forgive his parents for his own sake and meet them where they're at, because he knows from where his true support comes (Bobby especially, but the rest of the 118 as well)... so season seven will I think be Buck realizing that Eddie is his true partner and Chris is his true child. And Natalia is not Taylor. Natalia is a good person. She's a selfless person who helps people come to terms with their death and makes such a terrifying experience joyful and loving. Buck needs to reject the "perfect woman" because no matter how "perfect" she might be, she can never be what he wants. No one can, because Eddie and Chris already have his heart.

So that's why I'm excited. I'm excited for Eddie to get confident in his ability to be a romantic partner. I'm excited for Buck to reject the "perfect woman" because he needs to realize he already has what he wants.

I don't think it's like the season four finale. The season four finale they should not have gotten together. It was too soon. It would've been steeped in the trauma they both just experienced (and have yet to talk about heheheheh). I think that season six just gave us what we hoped would happen when Eddie dated Ana and Buck dated Taylor but Eddie especially was acting from a place of comphet and trauma, and Buck LITERALLY DATED TAYLOR BECAUSE EDDIE NEARLY DIED, it was a MASSIVE trauma response and he continued to be with her because she wouldn't leave him, even though he was absolutely miserable with her to the point where the intensely-loyal Buck drunkenly kissed someone else (I think that kiss was equally about Eddie, Eddie didn't show up even though Buck invited him, and Buck clearly is angry and missing him).

Season six finale gave us Eddie learning to ask someone out, Eddie trying to date casually, Eddie learning how to be an adult in adult romantic relationships. And it gave us the "perfect" woman for Buck, while ALSO showing us how she ISN'T what he really needs, to set us up for Buck realizing nobody will ever work out because nobody will be Eddie.

That's why I'm not worried. They're two entirely different scenarios. And while you may not agree with how the writing team chose to handle the possible cancellation and that is allowed, I do not agree with you, I will never agree with you, and people who do not agree with me need to stop dropping into my inbox because they will simply be deleted and also, a little bit, mocked. Privately. In silly voices. To my cats.

(Not saying that's you nonny, but I have had some rather annoying people drop me a line.)

So there you go. I got my faith back with season four because I was impatient and I just needed time to reflect, and I have not lost faith here because I believe they're two different scenarios, I like to give the benefit of the doubt to an excellent writing team because I don't know what BTS bullshit is going on, and I would've done the same damn thing and not compromised my vision of how I wanted Buck and Eddie to get together and taken that risk.

[extasiswings]

Something compulsory heterosexuality/hetero-romamticism something about how the most genuine bit of intimacy between ana and eddie in the whole episode was the 😉🤫 reference to her undressing him (one might assume for sex) and how much of his relationship with Shannon when she returned started with the physical relationship even as the emotional relationship struggled.

((maybe that's nothing BUT it feels like something ??))

It’s funny because I caught the reference but like…the man never touches her of his own free will and the exactly one time he’s kissed her it was the same way he kissed his abuela so you will convince me they’re having sex…never. Also frankly the way she was touching him in that suit (mere feet away from his child in a dressing room) gave me big “I’m shooting my shot now because I never get to” vibes.

Frankly, I do think Eddie struggles with intimacy and vulnerability and absolutely he and Shannon defaulted to falling into bed a lot because sex was easier than trying to fix the emotional shitstorm between them. But where I think there’s a difference is that the writers were pretty clear that Eddie and Shannon did love each other and once upon a time their relationship was closer and deeper and better than it was by the time we met her in canon after they had been separated for over two years. Like, Eddie and Shannon, even if I think their relationship was irreparably broken and that they weren’t good together, had a foundation that they were, in their own way, trying to get back to or repair through physical intimacy. They had broken trust, hurt feelings, guilt, shame, and yes, love, even if it was messy and complicated and painful. They weren’t trying to manufacture feelings through sex, they were (badly, misguidedly) trying to reconnect in a way that might avoid the pitfalls of the cracks in their relationship. And when he introduced her to Christopher again I think he still wasn’t ready to really trust her but slowly built up to a place of forgiveness and healing and was ready to commit 100% right up until she threw that commitment back in his face by asking for a divorce (“I forgave her for everything and it wasn’t enough, I wasn’t enough”).

Eddie and Ana never built a foundation, at least not one we saw. Maybe I’m wrong and they are having sex because he’s trying to manufacture intimacy in that way instead of opening up to her, but I think I have a hard time seeing him being willing to trust her with his body, especially after the shooting. With her it’s always felt like the house of cards he built was faking intimacy by involving her with Christopher while keeping himself relatively separate but unlike with Shannon there’s no background, there’s no “I love you but I need time to trust you again,” there’s nothing he can do to have a real relationship with her until he fully commits himself and is willing to be vulnerable and actually trust her and I don’t see that ever happening.

Basically…this is one of the things I mean when I say that comphet can be complicated, especially for bisexuals, because I think both of Eddie’s relationships have shown elements of comphet but I don’t think they’re the same. IMO the writers were clear that he genuinely loved and was sexually attracted to Shannon despite the ways they had hurt each other and the comphet pressure came in with, essentially, the implication that he had an obligation to try and fix things with her because she was his wife and Christopher’s mother even if, at the start, he knew he still loved her but didn’t know if they would ever be able to forgive each other or if he wanted to try and forgive her. Again, I repeat, up to the point that the writers decide to retcon their relationship, he genuinely loved and was sexually attracted to Shannon. With Ana it’s much more straightforward and stereotypical comphet in that, okay, she’s pretty, Christopher seems to like her, she ticks all the boxes on the checklist for what he should want and should be looking for in a partner so he’s trying to be with her even if the most passionate thing he can say about her or them is that she’s “nice” and it’s “easy.” They never established what he liked about her that made him want to ask her out, so it came off as very “I need to move on from Shannon, here’s someone who is pretty and nice and not necessarily a total stranger, and she already knows my son, might as well.” That’s it. There’s nothing else. And he has clearly finally reached a point where he’s realizing that the perfect, nice, easy checklist isn’t actually what he wants.

[meatmandean]

What I don't get is why male characters who have canonically been attracted to the opposite sex are "obviously gay". I think Eddie's into men too, but that makes him bi. Sure, him being gay is an interesting interpretation but it doesn't fit into canon. Remember when he had a secret affair with his wife who he visibly enjoyed sleeping with? Why do fans like to pretend that didn't happen or wasn't real? Is it because he doesn't sleep around? Is there a certain number of women he needs to be with in order to be "really" into women? Is it because he was uncomfortable with his last gf, which obviously no bisexual man would ever be? I'm a bi woman who has been with more women than men, guess i'm "obviously" a closeted lesbian after all.

Jesus Christ…. it’s comphet. People can interpret things as comphet. 911 had a whole canonical storyline where a gay man came out to his wife after years of being together. They had two kids. I don’t know why that’s impossible to understand Eddie might have a had a similar situation. Eddie married Shannon when they were young because she got pregnant. He then spent the majority of their marriage in Afghanistan instead of with her. They constantly fought and did not have a happy marriage. Then she left him. He got back together with her because Eddie obviously had a strong idea in his mind about Christopher needing his mother. The only reason he decided to fully commit to Shannon again was because he thought she might be pregnant again. His “love confession” to her was comparing their relationship to drowning. Then there was his relationship with Ana, who he straight up started having panic attacks about any time he thought of having a future with her. And had very gay coded lines about wanting the idea of them to work but not being able to get himself to feel what he needed to. If you think of Eddie as bisexual that’s FINE! You do you! But it is VERY easy to interpret him as gay and it’s not biphobic to do so.

[sevensoulmates]

is JCC the buddie writer?

JCC is Juan Carlos Coto, he's been a writer for most of the show's run (season 2 onward). You can check here to see the episodes he's worked on so far: https://www.tumblr.com/911bts/743248556205408256/7x02-and-7x03-were-written-and-directed-by-the?source=share

You'll see that most of these episodes have a buddie moment or are heavily centered on Buck and/or Eddie. He's not the ONLY buddie writer, but he has been responsible for a lot of them, along with Lyndsey Beaulieu, Andrew Meyers, Taylor Wong, and, of course, Tim Minear. (You can find lists of all their previous episodes on @911bts).

We also have prominent "buddie" directors coming back as well, including John J. Gray (who wrote 2x04 Stuck and directed 6x12 Recovery ((ie. Buck falls asleep on Eddie's couch)), Brenna Malloy (who directed 4x13 Suspicion aka the gayest shooting scene on the planet), and Bradley Buecker (who directed 3x02 Sink or Swim aka Buck&Chris in the tsunami, 5x02 Desperate Times aka Eddie's comphet panic attacks, and 6x10 In A Flash aka Eddie pulling Buck UP after the lightning strike and "DO MORE!").

I was telling Zee yesterday the only time Juan Carlos Coto wrote an episode that I was less than thrilled with (at least when it comes to Buck and Eddie) is 6x17 Love is in the Air. But upon rewatching several times, I changed my opinion. Love is in the Air was interesting because it put both Buck and Eddie with Random Love Interests but also at the same time very much slapped the label of "THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR THEM" on it. So I'mma give him the benefit of the doubt because he had to adhere to what KR & Fox wanted and it really seemed like he did his best to adhere by what his bosses wanted while still putting several fail-safes in both Bucktalia and Eddiemarisol. He gave us all the red flags with Natalia, and also very clearly spelled out that Eddie wants to date Marisol for the wrong reasons (trying to recreate his last toxic marriage with Shannon, dating her just cuz she's there, and still feeling pressured to date in general). Man said I can't save this trainwreck of an almost-series finale, but the least I can do is give these characters fail-safes so the fans know these aren't their endgames even though it might SEEM like it.

Now, back under Tim, and with (hopefully) the green light from ABC, I'm thinking the writers/directors for season 7 can go absolutely apeshit on the buddie scenes. Maybe even sprinkle in a lil canon buddie just as a treat because we've all been such patient baby birds waiting for mama bird's backwash, ya know?

[extasiswings]

First off all, thank you so much for your post about Eddie and Shannon, i feel like some people in this fandom really need to take a long hard look at themselves and think about why they are so adamant to diminish Eddie’s feelings for his own damn wife.

Also, “Eddie struggles deeply with comphet and internalized notions about what it means to be a man, including heteronormative concepts of family” and “Eddie genuinely and truly loved and was sexually attracted to his wife of almost a decade” are statements that can and do co-exist “ - YES! This! I would even go as far as to argue that Eddie’s aforementioned struggles might have actually played a part in why his relationship with Shannon didn’t work out, ended as bitterly as it did- there’s Eddie’s “desire” to meet that heteronormative standard, to build their family up again, and then there’s the cold hard fact that their relationship never quite worked under such circumstances, that all the love they had for each other wasn’t enough to make it work. That Shannon doesn’t want to, or isn’t capable to make that effort needed to maintain that standard.

Idk, that might just be me, but i can’t help but wonder how this might have ended had they both tried to come at this a bit differently. Had they accepted that they can’t keep up that facade of a picture perfect family, but that there are other ways to live your life.

(Does that make any sense? It’s getting late over here, my brain is fried)

No EXACTLY. One of the things that is so interesting about the different layers to 2x17 is Eddie's conversation with Bobby and his acknowledgement that they were young and in love when they got married but that they weren't necessarily ready for marriage and got married because she got pregnant. And it's implied in S2, but made much more clear in Eddie Begins, that the actual getting married and starting a family piece of things really messed Eddie up in terms of his own internalized shit about masculinity and what it means to be a husband and a father. Basically, from a combination of what's explicit in canon and what can be gleaned from context clues, they were happy and in love, she got pregnant, they got married, and he immediately trapped himself in a teeny tiny box of rigid expectations and gender roles and enlisted (which, see also any of the MANY conversations I've had about the connection between that and his race/class/family background) and things went south for them from there.

Love ISN'T enough! We don't have exact ages for them when they got married, but Eddie does say they were "kids" so I usually default to him/them being around 20/21 and no matter how much you love each other, marriage is work! Parenting is work! And neither of them were able to communicate effectively about any of the challenges they were facing (probably because being as young as they were and this likely being one of if not the first serious relationship for either of them, they had never had to navigate super serious relationship conflicts with life-changing impacts)! Which means that I don't think either of them knew how to communicate effectively or truly understood what the other person needed or where they were coming from. Shannon criticized Eddie for making decisions about what he thought was best and not being there seemingly without trying to understand why he was stuck in that mindset; meanwhile, Eddie was so stuck that he couldn't accept/understand/see that what she needed wasn't for him to be the best provider in the world, but to just be there for her physically and emotionally/to simply be her partner. And all of that frustration and bitterness and hurt feelings and miscommunication just built up for years until he was finally home again and yeah, in the grip of a pretty serious mental health struggle, and I think she probably didn't even notice the difference between Eddie saying "I need time [to think about moving to a different state]" because he was in crisis and Eddie making other decisions earlier in their marriage without talking to her about them because he thought he was right.

[I mean, I still think it's pretty unforgivable to walk out on your marriage and your child and not even call for several years because of issues that, at least at the time, were, in my opinion, still very much fixable, so this should not be taken as a defense of that.]

But, yes, Eddie trying to put himself in a box and stick to very rigid ideas about who he is or should be as a man, as a husband, as a father, has never done anything but hurt him. Eddie Begins was a perfect encapsulation of his journey into true fatherhood: it was all about him learning to step out of the box, committing to being present, rejecting the examples of how to parent that he learned from his own. And now, he is an amazing father. Had Shannon not asked for a divorce and then died, it's entirely possible that through his process of forgiveness and recommitting himself to his marriage, he could have been a much better husband the second time around, but we'll never really know (although IMO she did not seem to be making the same kind of effort that she was demanding from him, so they were probably still doomed regardless). What we do know is that he absolutely IS capable of being an incredible partner...as long as he's not trying to force anything (because, again, he gets himself in trouble when he falls back into that zone of "rigid constructions of masculinity and heteronormativity", see how he is with Buck vs. Ana).

Anyway...something something heteronormativity is a prison, something something if you're stifling pieces of yourself you're never going to be truly free and happy and fully able to have the kinds of relationships you want to have, something something Eddie please go to therapy I'm begging.