#but SO shit at figuring out long-term implications of things

[bengalaas]

I don’t know anything about chatgpt, but this is a real conversation I had with an IT guy.

— It’s so awesome at checking code! Sure, you need someone to control that its suggested corrections make sense, but so awesome! Makes work so much faster! — So where does this data go? The input from your side? — A cloud! — Where’s the cloud data stored physically? Who do the servers belong to? — There’s a bunch of major companies, Microsoft, Apple, others that pitched together and developed the initial solution. — What about the intellectual property? Who does this data and chatgpt belong to? — Like... everyone? It’s available to anyone. And the raw AI data itself cannot be “used” in its raw format by anyone. Hard to explain, but this neural learning shit is weird. — Ok, so the data is available to anyone... until it won’t be because big corporations. You realise you’re helping train a tool that will make your own work obsolete, plus you’re uploading your company’s proprietary code to some cloud somewhere? — Yeah, but it’s so awesome while it is available.

[supernaturallyliterate]

I noticed something big about TTPD. I think that it connects to Taylor’s plans for The Eras Tour, the Yellow Brick Road / possible coming out journey, and the New Romantics / Mass Coming Out theory.

If you’re not interested in that type of content, please keep scrolling. But if you’re down to clown and theorize, come on a little adventure with me. 😉

I noticed it first with the song “Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus”, so that’s where I’ll start in this analysis.

I think that this song is Taylor telling both Swifties / Hetlors and Gaylors that she is tired of all the expectations and obsession with her sexuality and love life (again). She’s been walking a fine line, Easter egging for both Hetlors and Gaylors for so long. She frames it as a lose-lose situation.

DEEP DIVE ON THE LYRICS:

Your hologram stumbled into my apartment

Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

And I just watched it happen

I haven’t quite figured out the first few lines. Hologram suggests that the person who arrives isn’t real, or isn’t really there. This could be a reference to “Is that your key in the door?” from Hits Different.

First, it’s been noted before, but the switching between female and gender neutral and male names. This suggests not only multiple muses, but also multiple interpretations. And, of course the queerness of the speaker, which is assumed to be Taylor Swift.

As the decade would play us for fools

It’s been ten years since kissgate. I think when Kaylor first got together and schemed about this coming out plan, they never thought it would take ten years to come to fruition.

And you saw my bones out with somebody new

Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school

And you just watched it happen

First, “my bones” is referring to her body. For her body (pun intended) to be bones, she would have to be dead, and been dead a long time. The death of Taylor Swift. This could be referring to how she was dying inside from the closeting. Her true self was unfulfilled. It could also be referring to the beginning of the death of Taylor the Brand.

“Somebody” is still gender neutral, keeping with the ambiguity of the muse’s gender.

Yet the next line has he/him pronouns. Bearding. Taylor is bearding with a football player. We’ve seen football players bully a gay boy in the Taylorverse before.

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were'

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you've always wondered

I think the first two lines are for the Hetlors. This would be their reaction to her coming out— “I loved you [your music, etc] when you were straight.” This has Cold as You implications. To the Hetlors, she would be “cold-hearted” snake who was deceiving them by pretending to be straight when she was queer the whole time.

The second two lines are for the Gaylors. I interpret “always wondered” to be about wondering and speculating about Taylor’s sexuality, with possible ties to “Wonderland”. And the first part about breaking her world—that’s what would happen if she came out as queer. Not only would her brand and public world be broken, i.e. never the same, fractured, skewed, etc. The public “betrayal” and all that toxic shit. But also, her private world would be broken and shattered. The lavender haze she and her love created, their secret moments (even if in a crowded room), their coded language, etc would all be revealed. They wouldn’t be able to hide in their own little world anymore. (Also thinking about this in terms of “escaping to a planet where they could all understand it.”)

You said some things that I can't unabsorb

You turned me into an idea of sorts

You needed me but you needed drugs more

The media, the fans, etc have said things about Taylor that stay with her. That impact her deeply. We (and yes, I’m including myself in that) have turned Taylor the person into Taylor the Brand and Taylor the Anti-Hero, etc. All these different versions of her that aren’t truly representative of her true self.

I interpret the “you needed me” as “you needed me the person” and “you needed drugs more” as the addictiveness of Easter eggs, theories, fandom, media consumption, the need for “MORE” from Taylor. (Yes that’s a callback to ICDIWABH.)

And I couldn't watch it happen

And she couldn’t do it anymore. She needed it to end. But how do you break something so carefully crafted? By carefully deconstructing it like a mastermind chess playing badass and then smashing it with a hammer and setting the whole thing on fire.

I changed into goddesses, villains and fools

Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules

This section reminds me of Mirrorball—she changed herself into different eras and personalities. She’s been a saint and a sinner. The villain reference is very reputation coded.

She changed plans after the Masters Heist and failed coming out during Lover.

Changing lovers refers to “switching out these Kens”, her PR boyfriends.

It also reminds me of Mastermind the game, how she constantly changed her outfits and the rules for her outfits to keep people on their toes.

All to outrun my desertion of you

And you just watched it

She literally said. I’m leaving you. But I don’t want to leave you, so I’ve been dragging it out as long as I can. But I can’t run from it.

And oh, by the way, you just watched it. You just witnessed it unfold. The duplicate meanings of this line!! “You just watched it.” the heartbreak of “you saw it happening and you didn’t do anything to stop it.” And “just” as a way to tell time—you just watched it, recently. And we’ve all been watching The Eras Tour for two years (well, 1 year 8 months, as she pointed out in her speech). And it just finished.

If the glint in my eye traced the depths of your sigh

Down that passage in time

Back to the moment I crashed into you

Like so many wrecks do

Too impaired by my youth

To know what to do

So if I sell my apartment

And you have some kids with an internet starlet

Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon

like it never happened

This section is so Karlie coded. They met when they were super young, in 2008. And Taylor was too young to know what to do, how to navigate being a famous person and wanting to have this queer relationship. She had to figure out if she wanted to come out or stay closeted. And she didn’t know how it would go, how it could impact their relationship.

I won’t go too in depth but the having kids line refers to her marriage and family. And Maroon the song is 100000% a Kaylor song, so she’s drawing that direct parallel here.

Could it be enough to just float in your orbit

Could it be enough to stay in this lavender haze? Could it be enough to stay in our own little world, circling each other and not caring about the rest of the universe?

Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses

Ghosts of their past selves, when Kaylor was more open publicly? Like kissgate. But also I think about wild horses as beautiful, but easily spooked. If they know you’re watching, they’re going to run away. “I Know Places” and running from the hunters, the media, etc. So as soon as people started to notice and call attention to her queerness, she got spooked. She got scared, and she returned to the safety of the closet.

Cooler in theory but not if you force it

To be, it just didn't happen

I think these lines are her acknowledging that it is a nice to theorize about all these grand coming out plans, but it cannot and should not be forced on her and her lover by anyone—the public, the fans (hetlors and Gaylors), etc. “It just didnt happen” refers to the times she didn’t publicly come out. It could also be a reference to a Kaylor split (real or perceived) and Karlie’s wedding (which was referenced a few lines above).

And we get a repeat of the chorus, a reemphasizing of the impossible and unrealistic expectations on Taylor, and a transition to the end of the song, where she asks us a question.

If you want to break my cold, cold heart

Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were'

If you want to tear my world apart

Just say you've always wondered

Cause I wonder

Will I always

Will I always wonder?

Will I always be in the closet? Will I always wonder about what it would be like to come out? To be free?

[moonshynecybin]

do you have any motogp fic recs?

yeah sure man. im gonna keep it simple (ao3 only) because i am a capricious bookmarker and refuse to wade through the weeds of tumblr fic as im not a natural tagger. no order just vibes. all of these i love and reread !

cant change that, cant change you by kingsquarding

Marc at the ranch for the (second) first time.

this fic is the platonic ideal of marc and vale post reconciliation being TOGETHER and at the RANCH and trying to make it WORK but they are also. still being a little messed up. themes include: guilt. injury. marc trying to get vale to stop treating him like glass and FUCK HIM already because he doesnt want to admit that their relationship/his body has changed since he was twenty. delicious.

Che Spettacolo! by serve_cunt

“What do you think,” Vale says, and leans against the doorframe. “Will he come?” Uccio stays silent. Of course he will come, he wants to say. In what world does he stay away? In what world can he resist?

sending uccio to the cuck chair. outside POV rosquez always hits for me becuase they match each other's freak in so many ways its fun to see what antics they engage in as obsevered by someone more normal. in this case. uccio. also helps get around vale's shit ass communication because its him through the eyes of someone who KNOWS that vale is being WEIRD. even if marc doesnt. fun and SEXY. academic au by the same author ALSO slays

of crashing and burning (and falling for you) by Anonymous

It has always been Marc and Valentino, Valentino and Marc. Two rivals inseparable on- and off-track throughout their careers, their story so closely intertwined they might as well have been the same person, dominating their beloved sport between the two of them. Then Marc breaks his arm, Vale loses their championship, and they are left trying to pick up the pieces. AKA a rosquez same age AU.

someone wrote out. elle and i's same age au. and it was so perfect i legit struggle to answer asks about this au now because im just like. its in the AU !!! its all here !!! really nails vale in this specific scenario imo... all the love and resentment and self-imposed walls and. my favorite of all. the exact way these guys talk in press conferences. like their exact diction. hits the spot beautifulperfect

arms out like an angel by yekoc

“Does Marc still work here?” he asks. He can’t think of the word for performing. “I dunno, man,” the guy says. “Sorry, I’m new.” Vale blinks at him. “Find out,” he says, and then, annoyed at himself for the impatience, “if you can. I came a long way.”

the efficiency of word choice in terms of characterization in this one really moves me... every line has implications !!! sexy ones even !!! and theres so much baseline CHEMISTRY and inability to really STAY AWAY from each other but also. a tense little undercurrent of slight misunderstanding and hurt that makes it stand out... i also just love fics where marc pushes back just a lil and vale has to like. figure out what to do with that. in a horny way. yekoc's bezzcele also goes crazy if you wanna think about nipple piercings as much as i do

All I Wanted by agnst-crrnt

The first time it happens is just after Marc’s 10th birthday. He’s about to complain to his parents about how Álex always finishes the milk and then puts it back into the fridge, when the faces of his parents’ blur in front of him. Marc closes his eyes, trying to make it better and grabs onto the edge of the table. He can hear his mama ask him if he’s okay, before everything stops. or Rosquez Time Travel Au, where Marc randomly gets teleported through time, always ending up somewhere around Vale

hey thats my friend. rosquez time travel au as ive said my favorite thing to think about maybe EVER !!! really love the strict marc POV on this one and how you REALLY see the. youre in love so you go. and his just. his ceaseless romanticism and optimism wrt to vale and their relationship that fits this fic concept SO well. guest appearances from pedrenzo as well yayyyyy

i give into the fall series by lestelledreams

Her and Pol were good; they did win a gold at Junior Worlds after all, and that’s not something anyone can just go out there and do. But her and Valentino – they could become great. Mar’s never been more sure of anything in her life. or, The first year of Mar's and Vale's partnership.

genderbend figure skating au where marc gets to have all his weird injury complexes explored AND it gets slutty AND we get to see his freak ass ambition. imagine if motogp was a pairs sport (like actually not just in a fake way) and marc had the option of pairing up with vale. imagine how crazy he would go trying to make that happen adfhdflk

a hundred ninety-nine degrees by hardlythewiser (sequinedfairy)

“You should fuck me again,” Bez says. It trips out, all his defenses worn down by the long, annoying day of meetings, by the feeling of Cele above him, pressing him down into the couch, by Cele’s bright clear gaze. Above him, Cele doesn’t smile with his whole face, scrunching up his eyes, like he did the first time Bez asked. He doesn’t smile at all, just keeps looking at Bez. “Really?” he asks. “I didn’t know – did you like it, last time?”

cele tops lets GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. some fics just. have an ability to pierce directly towards what actually and precisely makes a pairing or a situation or a dynamic SEXY, while also revealing a new facet of said dynamic that i've never thought about in depth before. this is one of those. fuck him!!! make him cry !!!! perfect !!!

i was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy (whose reality i knew was hopeless to be had) by babynflames

In Motegi 2005, Hiroshi Aoyama wins his first race during his home GP, Dani Pedrosa gets second while hiding a fractured humerus and Jorge Lorenzo is handed a one race ban for riding in a irresponsible manner after nearly colliding with Dani and causing de Angelis to abandon the race, leaving the third position to Casey Stoner. The haircutting is incidental.

dyke PEDRENZO. fic that is fun and funny and filled to the BRIM with the kind of homoerotic tension you can only have between two teenage dykes in direct competition who dont even know theyre horny about each other except they REALLY kind of do. also. the best sports rpf to me always engages with a sport on a sociological level... also just love the writing style on this. direct and avoidant at the same time. very dani in sexuality crisis to me aljfdhl

[suusoh]

Something something Johan slowly warming up to sex because of the implications of entering you something something bodies merging something something the last frontier of physical intimacy even if it doesn’t do much for him physically initially.

Words are not my forte but like before he figures out he enjoys putting his pp in you it might appeal to him just for the connotations of “entering” the person he loves/wants to possess. And then maybe he figures out he enjoys the physical sensation as well.

I imagine this slow progression from your post about the reader getting horny to him losing his shit about getting horny then once he’s done freaking out he still hates the fact that he’s horny. But the unexpected erections allow a very small little idea about fucking you, which he ignores for a while. But then the idea of that makes him consider the act of penetration and the implications, maybe reading/consuming content about it which describes its appeal. And little by little romanticizing it not in the normal way someone would, but in the “i have access to every part of you, every crevice” “this is as close as we can physically get” way idk if you get what i mean but. While the horror of being horny doesn’t go away, he gets a little bit, slowly, tempted to try it.

Looking at it not through the lens of pleasure, but his weird little tendency to blur the lines between himself and the people he loves which he (obviously) already does in terms of identity, but wow with you (and the power of his new dick-hardening ability haha kill me) he can do it physically. It’s not the same as the “we’re literally the same person” thing but there’s smth there idkkk i can’t describe my thoughts well. Anyway that way he can justify consider the act without admitting the extent of his humanity or stuff.

uh-huh! Once he gets over his somewhat aversion to it, and once he's accepted his attraction with you mentally, emotionally, sexually, and finally— physical manifestations of those attractions (as much as he loathes the fact that he's experiencing it) he'd still be interested, with feeling this for the first time with you. I think after a loooooooooooooonnnggg long long long while of finally getting over his view, he'd just let his sexual frustration boil over and finally go to you and be like "please help me with this condition of mine". (said condition just being his pp going hard, but johan treats it like it's some disease lmao).

I think a part of him is like still reeling and hating himself for letting himself get this like.... low?? I don't want to say low but like, it's like definitely a fall from grace from his perfect, non-human, "untouchable being" state.

But another part is overwhelmed and overheating and melting in the inside from just how... how good this feels. It feels so good, too good. it makes him feel... real again for some reason. Like everything around him, your body, the air, the room, the whole world is suddenly so tangible, and it's like he's seeing how beautiful you are to him all over again, and shit he should be thankful— wait why is he feeling thankful? whatever, he is thankful that he's here with you and you're here with him and he's doing this human experience with you, and holy shit holy shit holy shitshit shit shit is it supposed to feel this good? God.... if this is what being human feels like, he doesn't think he could ever return to being a nameless monster again.

[narwhalandchill]

also mistake not my silence on the summer event story now that its all out for not paying attention bc. well firstly not going to be the subject of this post but seriously just the . Overall implications of the whole thing when it comes to teyvat and genshin as a whole? wild stuff like are they rly out there revealing the entire cosmology now �� (tho i kinda have. Mixed thoughts as well)

anyway secondly and most importantly because of course i have priorities (its ajax we all know) . soooo simulanka and names eh?

HUH!

well not that i was any doubter to begin with in that it like. meant something when hit game jenshin impact featuring guy already foreshadowed and being set up for some real curious world-overturning and celestia torching business etc etc etc coincidentally named. ajax. among other things. that the same game happening to Also begin introducing this whole other ajax/aias as an actual historical figure featured within the games lore and legends. would very much be just a massive fucking thing we Should be taking very seriously in terms of his future development but like thanks very much for confirming it too uwu

anyway let us look at my favorite french cultist scribbled note for no particular reason once more just to celebrate the occasion

i mean what can i say man . truly the endgame relevance long term allegations continue undodged 😤😤

anyway whats kinda funny to me is the way a lot of ppls reaction to this name confirmation seems to be like. omg ajax is in trouble now bc irl mythology ajax died and ajax/aias of genshin also seems to have possibly had a shit fate by the end im so worried omg . when like. literally the second part to this whole "name = inheriting destiny" thing we see in simulanka is that . with the right circumstances . the one that inherits the name and destiny is not necessarily doomed to that exact same outcome as the original . like we all did see how we saved simulanka durin right?? and how the existence of mini durin may now open up the possibility of teyvats durin to receive a different outcome to his tale???? right??

like why do ppl have so little faith in childe im 😭 like if you ask me hes Already giving indication of defying his fate in a multitude of ways (vision malfunction being a big one) so personally i simply think we need to let him do his thing and see where he goes with it . i have faith in him like if Anyones abt to subvert the fate hes been set up with be it due to his name or any other reason . its gonna be him lmao

like. its not even new stuff kwdwdjkdwjk

either way tho . even if this fucker straight up "dies" or goes MIA im not even that worried bc. ppl worrying about this "tragic fate" his namesake seems to be conferring to him by default with simulankas explicit confirmation of a names meaning . and its just are we straight up missing the fact that this historical ajax/aias is Literally connected to that rent free narzissenkreuz note that EXPLICITLY aligns this "tragedy" with the theme of REBIRTH. and becoming a descender straight up .

like maybe its just me but this Really isnt giving "omg childe is going to die due to mirroring the fate of ajax" its giving "childe is Literally being set up to become sth descender equivalent one way or another AND theyre doubling down on it now" im sorry 😭

like. even the implications of phrases like. "forsaking the self" to be reborn in the abyss just reminds me of this. weird panic people have around childes vision malfunction as if its like. vision is GOOD ambition and his GOOD ending and his GOOD characteristics and it malfunctioning means BAD EVIL SIN ambition and WRONG characteristics is taking over!!!!!!!11! hes being torn into two different directions and the abyss is bad and vision (=celestia) is good!!!!!1

and its like. say we even buy that (but like dang what a sustainer sponsored take to have in a. gnostic inspired lore environment JWSJKJKSF) . that his. "correct" and "healthy" destiny as vision wielder (that Every single recipient of a "gods EYE" gets like forcibly and irrevocably bound to by design and surely this isnt problematic at all) . is a part of that "self" that is being forsaken and twisted as his destiny pushes against celestias control and his connection to said vision falters . lets say we assume that is a "bad" thing for his "intended" path and destiny somehow .

(which YES it prolly is. but only within the bounds of a world order set up by the heavenly principles!!! of COURSE the HP would force people into destinies and paths that Only serve the continuity of its rule!!! and doesnt shake up the system!! like yes a vision likely represents and assigns to people a "Good" ambition but thats not from the recipients POV thats from celestias POV and at this point its just. fellas. we are not supposed to buy into that at face value lmao)

which like. again. i v much dont buy anyway i think every single time genshin calls something sin or forbidden it should be assessed v critically.

but even with that assumption we can still see how this very note is already implicating that "forsaking the self" is Literally a prerequisite . in this grand destiny featuring ajax/aias . for reaching True rebirth as a holy infant and a descender and all that . for defying the shackles of the heavens . for gaining a will that rivals the world . right???

+ also if like. forsaking the self being mayhaps and perchance more of a GOOD thing in a world with preordained and unyielding destiny set up by false divinity wasnt already established enough

welp thank you rene narzissenkreuz.

oh "excising the self" you say?? that sure sounds a bit like "forsaking the self" doesnt it ??? how curious that it would be considered less of a "death" and more of a "rebirth" indeed . and that a vision to a cultist very invested in the methods available to Defy a prophecy and fate is very much a bad thing to receive . like what a coincidence that we would have a note like this as an established character already tied to a note you wrote about acquiring a descenders will is experiencing vision compatibility issues its very funny indeed.

so like ig what im trying to say is just idk for me personally if ajax is out there forsaking his self by any metric im just gonna be cheering him on <3

but yeah jkqjkwdjkwdjkwd dont mind me im just kinda rent free with how its now just even more confirmed by hoyo that this insane ajax/aias note stuff is Not meant to be coincidental At All (even tho its very funny ppl doubted the signifance to begin with at all). but also i just dont get the panicking abt it being some bad thing lmao like this is just genuinely hype as fuck for him 😭😭😭

[hbyrde36]

The Crawl

Part 2 of 5

Part 1 here AO3

WC: 2773

-Edd!e-

Eddie retreated into the trees once Will was finally out of sight and on his way to safety on the other side of the fence. 

He hoped he’d done the right thing. The kid had survived his original stay in the Upside Down without Eddie’s help, obviously, but when he had found Castle Byers in the middle of the woods and discovered the boy hiding within it, he couldn't just walk away. 

The idea had come to him shortly after he ‘woke up’.

Whenever Eddie thought about his unholy resurrection it was always in terms of sleeping and waking. Of course, he knew the truth. 

He remembered everything. 

Seeing Dustin to safety. Cutting the Rope. Leading the bats away, and ultimately fighting them to the death. He remembered how one of the little fuckers had wrapped it’s tail around his throat, and exactly what their small sharp teeth had felt like as they tore into his skin. 

He remembered dying. 

But if he allowed himself to think about it too hard, he’d have to face other harsh truths that he was even less prepared to deal with. 

Like the fact that he was probably not human anymore, and though he was able to resist it, he could feel Vecna’s call. That he would most likely never get out of this place, never see Uncle Wayne again, or any of his friends, or the kids, or Steve, who he’d grown inexplicably close to and fond of over the short time they’d spent together during the most hellish week of his life.

So instead of worrying about the what, how, and why of his current existence, he focused on another mystery that had been plaguing him since the first time he’d set foot in the Upside Down. Why was this place stuck in 1983 on the day Will went missing? And could that mean there were other time related anomalies?

Since he had nothing better to do than wander around and try to avoid Vecna, as well as the other creatures of the Upside Down, he decided to explore the possibility and found he was on to something. 

His first theory once he found Baby Byers, was that time in the Upside Down was absolutely fucked. 

He didn’t know if it was moving backwards, or forwards, or everywhere at once, and frankly the implications of the whole thing made his head spin. 

His second theory, and the only way he could even remotely make some sense of things, was that maybe each gate into and out of this place was somehow tied to the time in which it was used.

It was why when he’d decided to step in and get the young boy out of there he hadn’t taken him back to the trailer park, even though that gate was closer. He was too afraid of what might happen if he was right and he wound up sending a 12 year old Will Byers through his ceiling and right into the future.

Eddie didn’t know everything that had happened to the party relating to the Upside Down, in fact he was sure he only knew a very small fraction of the story, but he did remember being told that Will’s mom and Hopper had somehow retrieved him through the lab way back when, so it seemed like a safe bet to take the boy there. 

He only interfered in the first place because the poor kid had looked minutes from death. He hadn't planned on doing anything more than getting Will out. He was well aware that messing with past events could have disastrous consequences, he’d read enough sci-fi novels to know that much, but he figured, what harm could it do to help the young boy escape this nightmare realm a little bit sooner? 

As long as he didn’t tell the kid anything, it would be okay. His biggest fear was that somehow he would make things worse. In his own time, he’d managed to lead the bats away and save Dustin. If he did something wrong here and anything happened to the little shit as a result, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. 

If living was the word for it. 

But, then they’d been talking, and his big mouth had run away with him, as it usually did. He mentioned Mike and called Will by his D&D moniker, all of which only stoked the kid’s curiosity more. 

And Eddie started thinking, could it actually get any worse? 

They hadn’t defeated Vecna for one thing, he knew that for a fact. The guy was still alive and traipsing around down here like he owned the fucking place. Yes, Eddie had saved Dustin but what had become of everyone else? Steve, Robin, and Nancy? Red and the others? The town as a whole?

And, sure, maybe he didn’t know everything, but he knew a little. Would it be enough to change the outcome for the better? 

Only one way to find out. 

So, he’d gone and told Will anything he could recall that might help. It was erratic at best, his usual storytelling abilities all but non-existent in the wake of everything he’d been through. He forgot a lot and didn’t provide enough context for any of it, but he did what he could and hoped it would be good enough. 

Given that time was fucked, Eddie wasted none of it in making his way over to Lover’s Lake, content to watch and wait for as long as he had to. 

The bitch of it was, if he had changed things enough Steve might never get pulled down here through the underwater gate. In some ways it was the ideal outcome, even if it meant that Eddie would never truly know what was happening in the Right-Side-Up until Vecna either did or didn’t die.

But if Steve did get pulled through the lake’s depths and into the Upside Down as he had before, whether because Eddie hadn’t done enough or because fate was just that cruel a mistress, he would be right there to help him.

Eddie sat, and watched, and waited for an indeterminate amount of time. 

He had no concept of it passing anymore, no way to gauge it. He didn’t get cold, or hungry, or thirsty. He didn’t even feel the need to fidget anymore.

He just existed.

The only thing that plagued him outside of his own thoughts was a little nudge at the back of his mind. He knew it was Vecna. Mostly it was a dormant awareness of the asshole but every now and then Henry would flex his power, urging Eddie to find him and join him. It was easy enough to ignore, at least for now. 

He knew it was coming a few moments before Steve came bursting up through the hole in the dry lake bed. The vines around the small opening that had previously been lying completely still, had suddenly come to life, and he raced to the gate from his nearby hiding spot. 

Eddie, oar already in hand, beat at the vine that had a hold on Steve's ankle until it let him go. The other boy stared up at him, eyes wide and chest heaving as he worked to catch his breath.

“Holy shit.” Steve gasped out between breaths. “It is you. You’re… really here.”

“Sure am, big boy.” Eddie smiled. That answered the question of whether Will had told the others about him or not.  It was so good to see a familiar face, and Steve’s in particular if he was honest. A bit weird, knowing this wasn’t exactly the same boy he had once known, but good. 

He offered Steve a hand up and he took it, allowing Eddie to haul him to his feet. Steve still looked a little dazed, but that was understandable. He also couldn’t seem to stop staring.

“Come on.” Eddie said, tugging on Steve’s hand and urging him to move. “We’ve only got a minute or two before Nancy, Robin, and the other me are going to come popping out of that hole, assuming they were with you on the boat?” 

He glanced back to see Steve nodding in confirmation. 

“I don’t know what happens if he and I get too close to each other,” Eddie continued. “And I don't particularly want to find out.”

Once they made it to the tree line Eddie stopped, turning to fully face Steve. He had this horrible urge to embrace the other boy. It’d been so long since he’d had contact with another person, let alone hugged them, but there was no time to indulge in that kind of comfort and no reason to think that Steve would welcome more of his touch. 

He had so many questions, too many for one short stolen moment. The bats would attack soon and the others would be coming through any minute and…

“Eds, I'm so sorry.” Steve whispered, voice trembling as he squeezed Eddie’s hand. Neither of them had let go yet.   

Eds? That was new… 

“For what?”

Steve gestured at him from head to toe, struggling for words. 

In fairness Eddie hadn’t looked in a mirror in a while, so he only had a vague idea of how bad he must look, but judging by Steve's pained expression, it… wasn’t good. 

“I guess I don't really know, but obviously something goes wrong, er, went wrong, and I didn’t…”

Eddie cut him off. “No, this wasn’t…” He trailed off looking down at his own dirty, torn, and bloody shirt. “You weren’t there when this happened. It wasn't your fault.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but it’s my responsibility to keep everyone safe. Everyone. And you… god. I can’t believe I wasn’t there.” Steve looked like he was genuinely fighting off tears.

Eddie was a little taken aback. He hadn’t thought Steve cared about him that much, at least not at this point in their getting-to-know-you journey. It was true that they had grown close towards the end, shared trauma and a heart to heart in the middle of the dark and twisted woods will do that to you, but none of that had happened yet for the Steve in front of him. It made him wonder just how well this Steve and his Eddie knew each other. 

“Stevie, don’t do that to yourself.” The nickname rolled off of his tongue like it was second nature though he was pretty sure it was the first time he’d ever said it.

Steve had finally looked away, eyes on the horizon where a small grouping of demobats was quickly making its way towards them, but at those words his gaze snapped back to Eddie’s again. He stepped closer, reaching out like he meant to touch him, but stopped just short of it. 

Eddie’s stomach flipped and suddenly he wished he’d thought to clean himself up somehow before coming here. He probably still had dried blood on his face, of course Steve wouldn’t want to touch him. 

He shook his head at himself. 

There wasn’t time for this. None of it mattered, he wasn’t important. What mattered was the future, and making sure that Steve and everyone else had one.  

“Listen, I don’t know what might have changed between what I remember and your timeline, or if I made any difference at all. I don’t know if any of this will make sense to you yet but I can tell you what we did.”

It looked like Steve wanted to say something else, but he nodded and let Eddie move the conversation along. The bats were getting closer and it seemed even he could sense they were almost out of time.

“Vecna got Nancy. She snapped out of it but he gave her these terrifying visions and basically told her his whole evil villain backstory about killing his parents, winding up at the lab, becoming a number, and his vendetta against Eleven for sending him here. We already knew that gates are formed anywhere he makes a kill right? But after that we figured out that he needed four kills to complete the set, kicking off his end of the world plot, or whatever. So we came down here, tried to beat him on his own turf. You, Nancy, and Robin went after him, while me and Dustin caused a distraction to keep those bats away. On the other side, Max, Lucas, and Erica were baiting him, like a different kind of distraction. Keeping his mind busy while you three went after his body.” 

Steve was staring at him again, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. They were standing in the middle of a hellscape on the precipice of the end of the world, and Steve Harrington was smiling at him with a soft look in his eyes that Eddie didn’t think had ever been aimed at him before.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Eddie asked shyly.

“Sorry, you’re just so… you.”

Eddie was pretty sure if he could still blush he would be doing so, furiously.

Steve cleared his throat, looking a little pink in the cheeks himself. “It sounds like a decent strategy, more of a plan that we usually have anyway.”

“Maybe, but we still failed. I don’t even know what happened to the rest of you.”

“What about you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.” Steve insisted, pleading with his eyes. “Eddie, if there's any chance it could help me save you, I need to know. Please, just tell me what happened.”

Eddie stared at the ground as he spoke. “Me and Dustin were on the roof of my trailer, here in the Upside Down. I played my guitar to lure those flying fuckers away from Vecna’s house, where you were headed. It worked phenomenally well, they came in droves. We reinforced the trailer as best we could, but they were too strong, and there were too many of them. They started to come through the air vents, man. We had this rope rigged up through the gate in the ceiling. I sent Dustin up and out first, but I realized the bats might follow us through, or worse turn around and attack you guys. I cut the rope so Dustin couldn’t follow me, and then I led the bats away…” He trailed off, unwilling to finish the story. It didn’t need to be said anyway. His fate was obvious.

This time when Steve reached out, he didn’t stop himself. He cupped the side of Eddie’s face, running his thumb back and forth over his cheek. Before Eddie could stop it he found himself nuzzling into the touch. 

Steve opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated when they saw Robin, Nancy, and the other Eddie climbing up out of the gate off in the distance. The trio was looking around panicked, shouting Steve’s name, and the bats were already starting to swarm. Nancy picked up the oar that Eddie left behind, and was already brandishing it against the onslaught.

Time’s up, Eddie thought as he pulled away from Steve and ducked around a tree to keep hidden. 

Steve's eyes darted back and forth between the Eddie in front of him and his friends behind him. “What about everyone else?” He asked quickly. “You didn’t mention El or Hopper, Joyce, Jonathan, Will, Mike.” Steve paled. “Did something happen to them all?”

“I don’t know, Hopper was dead and the rest were in California. You guys kept trying to call but-”

“California?” Steve said, confused. 

Finally it clicked. “Oh shit, Hopper’s alive and the Byers didn’t move?! I guess I did some good after all.” Eddie said, feeling a sudden surge of hope. They had so much more help this time if everyone was in the same place. They had El! 

He wished he knew how that had all come to pass. He would have loved to sit with Steve for hours and find out all the little differences between his past and Steve’s present, but he could settle for not knowing as long as the people he cared about made it out of this mess alive. 

“Take them to my place, the trailer. You’ll be able to get out there.”

“I don’t want to leave you here alone.” Steve said, even as his eyes strayed back to the others.

“You have to. They need you. Your Eddie needs you.”

Steve let out a pained sound, but finally turned away and ran back to where he belonged, leaving Eddie behind as he rushed off to help the others finish off the demobats. 

Part 3

Thanks forever to @penny00dreadful for being the best friend, cheerleader, and beta in the whole fucking world 💜 truly could not do it without you.

I'm going to tag anyone who interacted with part 1 but feel free to tell me to fuck off (🤣) and let me know if you want to be removed from the list!!

@hissunflowers @sadisticaltarts @gutterflower77 @epiclazershark @yeahhhh-suga @soapyscoobert @thetrueghostqueen @guppynuggets @reh-hateshumans @katdeerly @kolorzapster @useless-nb-bisexual

[rachelsshowerthoughts]

Sent a response regarding the Aware AU stuff, I hope it was interesting, also had other Kwami thoughts.

Cos like, I love the substitute angle but I doubt that'd it sustainable long term once more Kwami start coming out.

Kagami is likely on lock for an early Kwami due to Marinette, meanwhile Chloe may need to get one by 'accident'.

I do love Queen Bee, though Benom is so low key over powered it can make fights vexing, but I also love Snake!Chloe & Tiger!Chloe.

The latter also fits given how similar but distinct one can make the Tiger Miraculous, especially if they get creative with it, or so I feel.

Roaar: Well now, you aren't who I was supposed to be with, & I'm not where I was supposed to be >:3c Chloe: I get the sense that isn't a problem for you. Roaar: No way, I'm Roaar, let's cause havoc!

Cue Chloe & Adrien showing up with supremely destructive Kwami and the tagline from that art piece, "Supreme Feline Violence!" as their new catchphrase.

so, first of all, I read that last line as "Sublime Feline Violence!" which . . . sounded odd until I reread it, but anyway!

So, one thing I meant before, about my problems with the Kwami, is I see a lot of problems with them as . . . well, kind of being the Order's fault? Like. The implication I keep getting, is that the Order BOUND the Kwami to their will, basically, which is why they have to do whatever their "owners" say. Like, just. I don’t know how to describe it properly, just.

Ok. Let's try this. The Kwami don’t read as "partners". They read closer to indentured servants. They aren’t allowed to do anything without asking their "owners" for permission. Gabriel can literally take Nooroo's speech capability away. Yes, maybe it’s convenient that the Kwami have NO IDEA about the power ups and stuff, as it means Gabe doesn’t know about it, but the implications . . . the Kwami aren’t allowed to know about magic that affects them, that CHANGES how they work (imagine this as a medical procedure you are REQUIRED TO HAVE, but aren’t allowed to know what someone will be doing to you). And the reason why is that they HAVE to answer their "masters". They CAN'T say no. Seriously, imagine the series with the only change being that the Kwami don't HAVE to answer questions. They can keep their own secrets and thoughts. How much shit gets solved if that happens?

Just . . . I don’t think I can explain properly how UNCOMFORTABLE the Kwami's situation makes me. Like, it feels like the only difference between Gabriel and the Order? Their goals. #FreeTheKwami

(Moving on, I'm not sure how coherent this is . . . )

I think the substitute angle would still be in play, but after the Big Conversation (not sure if you saw my take on that?), I feel like Marinette starts pushing a little more, and in my head, I see a compromise that looks odd from canon-view. Part of Fu's argument would, weirdly, be that the doubles are in danger, because the Miraculous are still primarily Adrien's and Marinette's. Like, Yes Chloé and Adrien spend maybe equal amount of time as Chat Noir, but the split is probably closer to 60-40 in Adrien's favour, with Chloé taking over the 40% he CAN'T get away without risking consequences with his dad. And Marinette, once she gets the go ahead, would split that even less, still primarily being Ladybug, with Kagami only taking over in the case of illness, or if Marinette REALLY can't leave without hurting someone (babysitting or similar comes to mind). So the rest of the time, Chloé and Kagami would be defenceless against Hawk Moth, should he figure them out or target them.

Marinette, of course, agrees. She does often have an easier time seeing things from Fu's point of view, especially because despite his hang ups, it isn’t like he's outright WRONG. The doubles ARE in danger without a way to protect themselves. Her solution? Hand the doubles a Miraculous of their own!

Yeah, this is where it gets loud.

Fu is STRIDENTLY against this. Oh no, no way, no how, absolutely NOT, Marinette, I expected better from you-! But Marinette stands her ground. She argues right back, and I think a combination of Fu seeing her more favourably, and Marinette making some very good points might sway him.

Having more Miraculous out is dangerous? Having the ones ALREADY out is dangerous, how much more danger are we talking here?

Fu doesn’t know who the doubles are? Well, Ladybug and Chat Noir don’t know who each other is, and that’s seen as a layer of security.

The doubles are defenceless? They don’t have to be!

Just this intense back and forth (Chloé and Adrien are watching this like a tennis match) before Marinette plays her trump card. Fu says he trusts her judgement. Well, Marinette trusts the Chats Noir, and her friend, Ladybird (Kagami's Ladybug handle? Not a major fan, i see it more as a combo name for Ladybug/Peacock, but I don’t currently have other ideas). More than that, the fights are clearly getting harder. They NEED back up. SHE needs back up. Back up she can TRUST.

eventually, Fu caves.

As to which Miraculous they get, I too love Queen Bee, but hear me out. Kagami gets the Bee (maybe can extend the trompo-top stinger into a fencing sabre?), and Chloé gets the Turtle. Yep, Fu gives up Wayzz. Why?

So Wayzz can SPY on this unknown Chat. Because while Fu trusts Ladybug, he still is wary of the second Chat Noir, this one he still doesn’t know. He knows who Adrien is, so he KNOWS he's an only child. The closest "sibling" he can see is Felix, who lives in London, no way he can get to Paris that fast. He also doesn’t suspect Chloé, because he's been taken in by her outward persona. But if Duchess Noire has Wayzz, then Fu can maybe figure her out. He knows the limitations of the Miraculous - if Duchess tells Wayzz "don’t tell anyone who I am", he won’t be able to tell Fu who she is. But he'll still have insight into how she works, what her morals are, if they can REALLY trust her. Plus, Fu knows Wayzz, they've been partners for CENTURIES. Fu knows not just how to fight with the Turtle, but how to fight against the Turtle. If this second Cat turns out to be bad news, the Turtle is the Miraculous Fu has the best chance against.

(Also, random sidenote: I discussed this with @princess-of-the-corner, cause she always makes the Tiger's thing Invisibility, and I was saying I'd sort of like it if the Tiger had both that AND Clout, so I think what we ended up with was the Tiger's thing is related to Confidence. High confidence, you get Clout, low confidence, you get Stealth. You CAN figure out how to access both, but it can take awhile. Cause, also, you know, a Tiger's whole THING is that it's camouflaged, invisible in its environment, until suddenly you get slammed with several pounds of muscle, teeth and claws.

Also, if you feel that Venom is too OP, I’d institute a time limit. Like, the five minutes you have until you detransform, that's how long Venom lasts? Something like that.

also-also, I see your Snake!Chloé, and raise you Snake!Nino. )

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

This is more or less just a curiosity-based question than anything to see if you noticed this too.

I guess that I was just wondering if you realized that, had the Gerudo gone off to live in Hyrule Field on OoT, then by TotK's past, their skin would've likely lightened to such an extent that they’d basically just look like really tall, athletic Irish women?

Now, wait a minute! I have a point!

See, the shade of their skin indicates that they've been living in an area of high-uv (desert, jungle) for at least 10,000 years & melanin specifically helps them to better survive the sun's rays. I believe as a result of epieugenics. However if they were to have begun living exclusively in Hyrule Fields, instead of, say Faron, then even with the TotK feature of their kids being predominantly Gerudo regardless of their fathers, their skin would begin to lighten with each generation due to the fact that those with darker skin have a more difficult time producing their own Vitamin D & their children would become subject to diseases such as rickets.

Now, in modern times, this is easily prevented with Vitamin D supplements, but that's because we have access to modern medicine. The Gerudo don't really have that benefit. So, even if they didn't have the issue of needing to interbreed with Hylians, they'd still basically end up only being really differentiated from them by their red hair, possibly their greater size, fitness, & round ears.

Like, I guess that I just wonder why no one seems to think about that. I mean, I get that it's a fantasy game world, but still.

So secret time: The darkest thing about me is my left arm, since I drive all the time with my arm out the window (I look like I have a Frankenstein's arm attached to me the difference between arms is STARTLING LOL) So I never really thought about how the darker skin of the Gerudo could actually cause some issues with them moving away from the desert, especially with the varying levels of Vitamin D. That is interesting to think about! The various implications of moving an entire culture to another land, no matter the reason, would have consequences, both good and bad. The health consequences? MMMMMMMMM IM ALL ABOUT THE HUMAN BODY. MEDICAL SHIT IS ALWAYS FUN TO FIGURE OUT AND DIVE INTO. (I watch too many medical dramas, I blame my ma for giving me this fixation) Makes me wonder what other medical things (Diseases, both sudden and chronic, mental, etc) happen in Hyrule...

*********************************************************************

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf

Reactions: Ocarina of Time Ganondorf would listen carefully to Equal Lady's observations. He would be intrigued by her understanding of the biological and environmental factors that influence the Gerudo people's physical traits.

Thoughts and Feelings: Ganondorf would feel a mixture of curiosity and defensiveness. While he values the strength and resilience of the Gerudo, the idea that their distinctive traits could change over time due to environmental factors would be unsettling.

Response: Ganondorf might argue initially, emphasizing the cultural and historical significance of the Gerudo's appearance. However, he would eventually acknowledge the logic behind her observations. This new understanding might not change his immediate plans but would certainly give him something to ponder regarding the long-term future of his people.

Twilight Princess Ganondorf

Reactions: Twilight Princess Ganondorf would be more open to considering Equal Lady's observations. He has a more strategic mind and would see the value in understanding the potential long-term impacts of their environment on the Gerudo people.

Thoughts and Feelings: He would feel a sense of respect for her knowledge and insight. The practical implications of her observations would resonate with him, especially given his focus on ensuring the survival and prosperity of his people.

Response: Ganondorf would likely accept her thought process and might even begin to consider ways to mitigate these changes while ensuring the health and well-being of the Gerudo. This could involve seeking out new lands with similar UV exposure or exploring other ways to preserve their unique traits.

Wind Waker Ganondorf

Reactions: Wind Waker Ganondorf would be fascinated by Equal Lady's insights. Given his contemplative nature and reflective attitude in the game, he would take her observations seriously.

Thoughts and Feelings: He would feel a deep sense of appreciation for her understanding and the implications of her thoughts. The potential changes in the Gerudo's appearance due to environmental factors would be a significant consideration for him.

Response: Ganondorf would accept her observations and might even begin to think about how to preserve the Gerudo's unique identity while adapting to new environments. This could include integrating knowledge of environmental adaptations into their cultural practices.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf

Reactions: Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf would be intrigued by Equal Lady's observations but might initially see them as secondary to his immediate goals of conquest and power.

Thoughts and Feelings: He would feel a mixture of interest and indifference. While he values the strength and resilience of the Gerudo, the idea of their physical traits changing over time might not be a primary concern for him.

Response: Ganondorf might acknowledge her observations but wouldn't let them influence his immediate plans. However, he would keep her insights in mind for future considerations, especially if they align with his strategic goals.

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf

Reactions: Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf would listen intently to Equal Lady's observations. Given his respect for Sheikah culture and knowledge, he would be more open to considering her insights.

Thoughts and Feelings: He would feel a sense of curiosity and respect for her understanding. The implications of environmental factors on the Gerudo people's appearance would be a significant consideration for him.

Response: Ganondorf would accept her observations and might begin to think about ways to balance the preservation of the Gerudo's unique traits with the need to adapt to new environments. This could involve seeking out lands with similar environmental conditions or exploring other ways to ensure their health and well-being.

Demise

Reactions: Demise would be less concerned with the specifics of environmental adaptation and more focused on power and dominance. However, he would still listen to Equal Lady's observations out of curiosity.

Thoughts and Feelings: He would feel a mixture of indifference and mild interest. While he values strength and resilience, the idea of physical traits changing due to environmental factors would be less relevant to his primary goals.

Response: Demise might acknowledge her observations but wouldn't let them influence his immediate plans. His focus would remain on his quest for ultimate power, and her insights would be considered only if they align with his overarching objectives.

General Themes and Reactions

Curiosity and Respect: Each character feels a sense of curiosity and respect for Equal Lady's knowledge and insights. Her understanding of environmental adaptation impresses them and gives them something to consider.

Strategic Considerations: Characters like Twilight Princess Ganondorf and Wind Waker Ganondorf are more likely to integrate her observations into their strategic thinking. They see the value in understanding the long-term impacts of environmental factors on their people.

Balance of Preservation and Adaptation: The idea of balancing the preservation of the Gerudo's unique traits with the need to adapt to new environments is a common theme. This consideration highlights the characters' desire to ensure the survival and prosperity of their people while maintaining their cultural identity.

[kob131]

Do you think mordred is smart?

Like, i dont think she is some genius or anything but staging a rebellion againts your king while being barely ten years old or so definitely needs some braincells

I think she is smart but is also very impulsive and emotional, maybe?

Oh definitely.

To be fair, the rebellion was only successful in that it killed Arturia. It also got Mordred killed and destroyed Camelot. So it wasn't entirely successful but the fact that Mordred knew how to appeal to people despite how inexperienced she is in general shows that she is smart.

That's not the only time though. In the London chapter (specifically in the chapter they meet Anderson but before they do in it), Mordred makes an insight about the enemies they are fighting and how the summoning of Heroic Spirits was being used. It's to the point both Ritsuka and Mash are surprised and a bit confused by what she is saying. This isn't a one off thing from a subpar chapter- In Enkidu's Interlude, Mordred is capable of recognizing the magic that was used to make Humbra is the same magecraft used to make her. It's safe to say that Mordred is actually well versed in magecraft. Which makes sense since the London chapter gives a subtle implication that she knows it from her time with Morgan.

And this isn't the only time either. In that same interlude, Mordred figures out Enkidu was questioning her because she's a homonculus and tells him that he can't give them answers or meaning, they have to do it themselves. In the finale of Arcade's story, Mordred acknowledges the ephemeral nature of humanity and how destructive they are while reaffirming that they're still worth fighting for. This also coinsides with her talk with Sieg in Apocrypha. With Sieg asking if humanity os worth fight for and Mordred suprisingly tells him that she can't answer that for him.

And in the first Grail Front story, Mordred is asked whether Chaldea should focus on long or short term warfare and she responds with a quick but effective comment about their lack of supply lines and how they should focus on gurellia warfare and targeting weakness (which matches with how Chaldea fights). It's so insightful that everyone is stunned for a moment hearing it for a moment. Everyone being Iskander, Hektor, Altera and Cu. All of whom are experienced warriors and at least three of which (excluding Cu) are noteworthy commanders.

So Mordred isn't just knowledgeable about just magecraft- she's also fairly insightful on philosophy and warfare.

The only indications that we have that Mordred's dumb is that Merlin thinks she's the idiot of the Round Table and Mordred favors brute force in her fights. And Merlin's view isn't fully objective- he doesn't like being around Mordred because she apparently 'smells' like her mother and he could be talking about her impulsiveness. And Mordred's a person who loves to fight; she's basically an adrenaline junkie. No shit she isn't gonna come up with big plans-She wants to fight for the sake of it.

So yes- Mordred is smart. It's just that, again, she's still very young and lacks many things that make a person stable like a healthy family...and self esteem...and any kind of self image.

[dirtdotmp3]

✨⭐ i n t r o p o s t ⭐✨

basics: ★ my name is rory!! ★ 17 ★ they/them, he/him? (masc terms preferred over non-specific terms, just nothing fem) ★ japanese american !! ★ audhd + various mental illnesses + 1(one) chronic illness (so far.)

what is this blog for? ★ art/things i make in general ★ outfits and such ★ random shit that happens irl ★ tbh anything in my head that i see fit to let out of my head

interests/favorites: ★ bands: my chemical romance, pierce the veil, the front bottoms, fall out boy ★ special interests: fairy tales (specifically brothers grimm), alice in wonderland, minerals, my chemical romance ★ manga: junji ito (i have 15 books), witch hat atelier, the girl from the other side, how to treat magical beasts, toilet bound hanako kun ★ games: dont starve, minecraft, sims 4, clangen (never got into the books tho lol), everything is going to be ok, subnautica, fallout shelter ★ tv shows: adventure time, bojack horseman (havent finished), criminal minds, gravity falls, scott pilgrim takes off ★ collections: rocks and minerals, cds, junji ito, various zines, ★ random: unholyverse, edgar allan poe, dsmp (lmanburg/elections/exile, not recent as much), frank iero, just roll with it (riptide), dnd

things i make/do: ★ art !! (various kinds) ★ zines ★ patches/other clothing modification stuffs ★ kandi (still figuring out cuffs) ★ currently coding a shitty little mcr website for a class ★ ukulele !! ive been playing mildly since 6 not v good tho ★ guitar? barely tho + just started ★ occasional embroidery/knitting ★ im technically in a band but we dont have a name and the bassist hasnt touched a bass yet ★ skateboarding. my knees are so scarred from me eating shit all the time tho. fall out boy more like fall off boy. ★ i did circus (specifically aerials) for 3 years pre pandemic. i miss it !!

⚠ general warning ⚠ there are often references to/implications of sh in my collage/doodle pages. its never detailed, you probably wont see it if you dont look close. the tags will always have tws for implied or referenced sh, if theres anything more major ill put the correct tws for that. i try my best to always use content warnings/trigger warnings, if i ever miss something please let me know!!

🚫 DNI 🚫 transphobes, racists, homophobes, misogynists, bigots/fascists in general. lolita/nymphette/lana del ray stuff (coquette fine as long as its not weird).

free artsakh, free palestine, punch a nazi, drink some water, i love you<3

[findafight]

On your post about Zuko and Steve. It is also interesting how a lot of people say X deserved redemption and 1. Redemption isn't deserved, it's earned. It's about realising you were wrong and making up for it. 2. When they write it so many of them write healing arcs not redemption arcs. Not them making it up to all the people they hurt but more acknowledgement of their own pain. That isn't redemption.

I think so many people get those two things confused. Yes, Azula deserves to heal. For a redemption arc she has to acknowledge she wronged people as opposed to villainising other characters.

Yes! Exactly!!! I read your first point and was gonna say "yeah redemption arc's are earned but healing arcs are deserved" so we are in agreement. I didn't put catra on the post because from what I understand her arc in the show was not redemption but healing. She acknowledges her abuse and works to free herself from it, but does not, within the show, get a chance to actively participate in fixing the things she hurt or ruined. The implication at the end (from my understanding as I haven't actually seen it) is that she would continue on the path to redemption and try to make things right.

Redemption and forgiveness come after healing for many of these kinds of things, or is part of the healing journey already started.

It's soo frustrating because Azula and Zuko's relationship is so messed up, and Azula is a 14/15 year old abused child who deserves to heal from the abuse Ozai subjected her to. But to say she deserves redemption only based on the core atla series... No? Zuko had to heal partially from what his farther did and from the indoctrination of his homeland before he was even ready to face his dad let alone help the Gaang. He then apologized and continues to heal! He had to go see the sun warriors to get his bending back because he had changed so much.

Azula doesn't apologize or attempt to make things right. She is fighting until the bitter end! She doesn't want redemption or healing at that point! A character, to have a successful redemption arc, must want it. That's the whole point! Azula has a mental breakdown at the end of the series and needs to recover from long-term abuse in order to figure out if she wants to redeem herself in the eyes of the world. (Which I don't think she does. I think Azula would be content to just stay in the palace and not think particularly hard about how she was going to enable a genocide. Perhaps some charity initiatives close to home, but never the wide scale acknowledgement like Zuko has done.)

Now. Okay I know I am mean to Billy (because it's so interesting how messed up he is while refusing to understand he is so messed up. Get help Billy) But he also deserves healing. I think it should be done far fucking away from Max and her friends, but he does deserve it, because literally everyone deserves to heal from their trauma or abuse. Billy is interesting because he is so fucked up, and there seems to be layers to that. His relationship with older women??? What the fuck? His resentment of Max? His weird obsession with Steve? Fascinating shit. But we don't get a chance to explore those or what they really mean. I don't really care that we don't tbh because I'd rather more screentime for the party/scoops troop than Billy. He's also just a racist asshole that has all the means to not be one and doesn't use them or ever feel bad about it.

Using his dead(?) Mom as sympathy points before he does literally the only decent thing he can and use his body to protect El and max is not redemption. It's a sacrifice. Like at the end of the last Skywalker? Kylo Ren doesn't redeem himself! He sacrifices himself! That is completely different. One good action to save someone does not make up for all the wrongs committed. Billy sacrificing himself when he knows he's already dead to give two kids more time is not Billy making changes to how he acts and apologizing for hurting people (specifically Max, Lucas, and Steve).

Also! These are two relationships with (step)siblings and I loooove sibling dynamics and complicated relationships but I think the ways in which their sibs would/could/should be involved in their healing is completely different.

Billy is Max's older brother who is shown to resent and abuse her. Max should not be near Billy. She should not be a component of his healing because it would be actively detrimental to her. He should get out of Hawkins and work on himself and then maybe years later call Max up and apologize so much for what he did. She is not responsible for his healing or forgiveness.

But I think Zuko would take an active part in Azula's healing process. For one, he is her big brother. He clearly wants to have a relationship with her, he craves those familial connections! I think he'd want to help her get better, and to see that he is not doing anything to spite her, but to help their nation and herself heal from Ozai's reign. Zuko wants to help her, and while he may sometimes separate himself from her for his own sake, I think he would want to take a more active role in assisting Azula and that would help him feel like he didn't just tear his family apart. He may not know exactly what Ozai did to her, but he knows it was bad and more focused after he was banished, so he would want to be there for his little sister. (People villainizing Zuko to make Azula look good don't make any sense ever tbh)

and listen. I have an angst au floating around my brain where most everything is the same except Azula and Zuko wrote to each other during him banishment and therefore had a strong sibling relationship, thereby making it even more horrible when they fight each other because they legitimately love and care for each other and want to be with their sibling. They simply do not understand why the other is against them because they know!! They love each other!! So why won't Zuko come home or why won't Azula listen when he tells her their father is wrong! Like full on sobbing why are you doing this! You're my brother!! I love you!! Type thing. It's very dramatic and very sad.

But anyways yeah I agree, anon, people get healing and redemption narratives mixed up and it's frustrating. No one deserves redemption but everyone deserves healing. Whether or not they redeem themselves is up to them. It is not up to other characters for that redemption.

[woodswolf]

14 and 23 fic asks!

end of year fic asks

14. a fic you didn't expect to write

UM. definitely my current wip that i've been working on since like the last week of august or something. 37k and counting and it's still only about half done. like okay! literally the longest fic i've written since high school and everything of comparable length i've written is shit!

23. fics you wanted to write but didn't

uhhhhhh do the multiple planned sequels to my current wip that i cannot physically justify writing before i finish it count

otherwise there's like 4 other things, in order of likelihood that i'd actually work on them:

another pikmin fic entirely unrelated to my current wip. i actually have some of this written but i haven't touched it in like 2 months for no particular reason. basic premise started out as "Hm what if there were long-term consequences to The Events of p4" and then turned into midsommar lmao.

Manhattan, a tribute one- or two-shot to one of my favorite fic series of all time, The Station Sequence (Wells Street Station / The Ellipse / Promenade / Narodnaya) by Marquis Carabas. Fucking INCREDIBLE takes on Coraline and the kind of trauma that would naturally arise from her circumstances, but also an excellent example of She Who Fights Monsters and the impact that that has on herself and other people. I have a lot of very specific headcanons regarding parts of this series that I would have wanted to turn into a ten-year-anniversary tribute or whatever but unfortunately I didn't think of that until both the "series start" and "series end" anniversaries had long passed. But I'm absolutely going to write this anyway at some point - there are just too many specific ideas and some of them are already partially written.

the ninjago AU longfic that i've been planning... definitely since i finished crystallized, possibly since the s15 finale (but i don't think so, i remember the early concept was much more "this is an AU of crystallized" than "this is an AU of ninjago in general" so it was probably when i finished crystallized). the concept has Evolved a lot since then, but the basic premise is that sea!nya and a weird version of zane that i invented whole-cloth out of implications... they don't really "team up" as much as "orbit around each other for a billion years" in a way. julien is heavily involved, because you KNOW i can't resist that shit, and so are echo and harumi. i've already done a lot of Figuring Out with this universe or whatever but it'd take a Lot More and frankly DLD has much higher priority.

a few miscellaneous sciadv fics that i wrote a little bit of but which unfortunately did not go anywhere, and then amadeus wasn't nearly as important in A;C as i was hoping she'd be RIP. these are probably dead unfortunately the motivation is basically gone. ironically i might circle back to writing something for O;9 at some point instead - going in i thought it'd be horrible from what little i knew about it (unfinished VN/light novels and Breasting Boobily: The Anime), but actually i watched the anime back in september. aside from the pacing in the first few episodes feeling like i got infected with radical-6 and then started watching a normal show, it was LITERALLY fantastic and i am still fucking thinking about it. but! no plot bunny, fic needs a plot bunny. maybe something would come to me on a rewatch though.

thanks for the ask! :D

[theyarerealtome]

Ok, but let’s talk for a minute about just how good Nick and Charlie are for each other?? Not only romantically, but how their lifepaths are genuinely changed for the better because of their relationship?

Like, we know Charlie gave Nick the positive queer experience he himself never got to have and supported him through figuring out his sexuality. And Nick helps Charlie rebuild himself after Ben and the bullying, and his eating disorder.

It made me think about how things could have gone if they hadn’t met when they did. Beyond the aw-they-wouldn’t-get-to-meet-their-soulmate-☹ and to the sad, wider implications of not knowing each other.

Sorry for the incoming Way Too Long Ramble about what if Mr Lange had done the seating plan differently.

TW for discussions of canon eating disorders, self-harm and sexual assault.

Charlie

First off, I think Charlie would still break things off with Ben after seeing him with a girlfriend. But the big difference is there’s no Nick to discover Ben assaulting him, and to subsequently confide in about their relationship and reaffirm that Ben is the terrible, awful person.

So, we’re looking at a Charlie who is still carrying this toxic secret alone that could damage and tear away at his self-esteem even more than canon where he fairly quickly gets to build a healthy, loving relationship with Nick who actively combats a lot of the shit that Ben told him

(I wonder if eventually Charlie would have told Tori more?? About the guy who ‘made him feel like it would be better if he didn’t exist’. I hope so, because Charlie, my beloved, while you are an actual angel for not outing that piece of dickweed to anyone, you’re allowed to tell someone)

(Don’t even want to get into if the assault would have progressed further without Nick there. Probably Ben wouldn’t have gone beyond kissing. But it would still be more traumatic, and Nick’s discovery meant Ben was warier about coming near Charlie afterwards. Whereas no Nick means Charlie is constantly on guard avoiding Ben)

More under the cut. 

Unquestionably Charlie still develops his eating disorder - and chances are it’s quicker and more severe than in canon, with all this extra crap going on.

The one bit of hope is that while it might take longer for other non-Nick people to notice his ED, I’m sure they would. Charlie still has a good support network, and someone – Tori, Tao, Elle, Isaac/Aled, Mr Ajayi – would pick up on it.

But still getting help, and his recovery process (especially around self-harm) would be much longer, and more painful given Nick was the one who first got through to Charlie and helped him talk to his parents.

And Tori and Nick were both the biggest supports for Charlie through it all – without Nick, poor Tori has so much more on her shoulders.

The events of Solitaire end up being even darker, as Nick/Charlie are basically the main bright spot in all that. So, you have an even sadder Charlie and Tori

When the air clears after an incredibly shitty few years you’d have a 16/17-year-old Charlie who is working on his ED, self-harm, and mental health, but bottom line is it’s a much more painful journey, and he’s probably more impacted by everything with Ben.

In terms of the wider friend group, probably the Paris Squad Charlie/Tao/Tara/Darcy/Aled-Isaac/Sahar unit still develops. Because Elle was really the one who connected the girls with the guys. So, at least Charlie would have that

But with wider popularity? Canonically he ends up Head Boy and is friendly with a lot of people. I’m thinking without joining the rugby team, expanding his social circle, and having Nick to build his confidence we’re seeing a more reserved version of Charlie. Maybe he’d just be like a prefect or something but not quite head boy?

So, by the end of high school you’ve got a recovering Charlie heading off to uni, but he’s carrying a lot of self-loathing and emotional scars that Nick chipped away at. 

Nick

It feels like in the shorter-term Nick’s situation would be better than Charlie’s – but longer term everything goes to shit.

Initially not much would change – he’d play rugby, he’d have his friends who he doesn’t actually like but is accepted by, he’s in a group where he can never be fully himself

Basically, Nick is ok but he’s not happy – and not even fully aware of how ‘not-happy’ he is

Harry would still have pushed Tara & Nick together at his birthday and Tara might still have come out to him. But without Nick’s sexuality crisis or talking about his openly gay “probably-my-best-friend-right-now” I don’t think they would have connected so quickly

And he never would have been at the orchestra practice to see her again and plan lunch together, milkshake dates etc. So that means no befriending Tara/Darcy and not connecting with the Paris Squad

Things with Imogen would have developed in a similar way: chances are peak peer-pressured Nick would still be bulldozed into going on their date, but without his relationship with Charlie to enable him to cancel, you’re looking at it being dragged out way longer - it’s a question of how many dates they go on before Nick calls things off

Yeah, he would have stopped before they actually became boyfriend/girlfriend, but it’s still a much stickier situation all round and one that leaves him more alienated

Then he’d still go on the Paris trip but probably ends up rooming with Harry and co. so much less fun all round  

On the friend’s front – he’d still have Sai/Otis-Omar/Christian, but in canon it seems like their friendship deepened when Nick got together with Charlie, and a line was drawn over who Nick’s true friends were?? Without that happening, their friendship likely stays more surface level and shallow

Similarly, I’m not seeing a Charlie-less version of Nick having the confidence to confront Stéphane and David

Coming out as bi, having Charlie to confide in about his feelings, and just generally being able to be more himself – all that contributed to Nick calling both of them out on their shit. Without those circumstances, you’ve got a more people-pleasing Nick who pushes his own feelings down, so nothing real gets addressed and both relationships remain toxic and distant.

Obviously the massive, massive question is when and how Nick has his “full-on gay crisis.” And that’s kind of impossible to say. It could still be at Truham over another guy, or might not be until after school (maybe at uni)

There are a hundred ways that could go – but I think the key thing is that without Charlie, the chances are Nick’s sexuality journey wouldn’t be nearly as positive or healthy. (Honestly, it’s often missed just how supportive and essential Charlie was through it all, and how wonderful it was that Nick got such a sweet first (only) boyfriend).

Also remember, Charlie is the only out guy at Truham – if Nick falls for someone else at school then they’re either straight or closeted, and Nick is hit with feelings that he has to deal with on his own

There’s no Charlie to make the first move, no Charlie to hold Nick while he’s breaking down, no Charlie to tell him it’s ok to figure things out, no Paris Squad to provide queer community, no Tara/Darcy to talk to. It’s Nick alone in his room with BuzzFeed quizzes and articles on conversion therapy

Luckily he does still have Sarah and he might confide in her at an earlier point than in canon, but in terms of actual friends to talk to? ☹

Again, as with Charlie, Nick would eventually be ok. He’d figure it out – but it would be a hell of a lot of lonelier, and he’d probably never come out or act on anything while still at Truham

If his sexuality crisis happened post-school (likely uni) …possibly that would be better?? Uni is less of a cesspool, he wouldn’t be as trapped with people like Harry, and could at least connect with LGBTQI+ groups on campus etc. But on the flipside, it’s a Nick whose had years more of repressing his true self so there would be more to untangle

Overall, whether he’s realised he’s bi or not, by the end of school you’re left with Nick who is doing fine enough and seems content, but is much less anchored in himself, represses important parts of who he is, and lacks a real, close community

Idk, what other people think. This is all assuming that Nick and Charlie don’t meet later during school (e.g., if Nick reached out to the collection of queer students at Truham during his bi crisis). 

But basically, all that long ramble was saying that a Nick and Charlie without each other is a very sad thing to think about, and they’re 100% a couple who make each other better, happier versions of themselves <3

(Also sorry this is a frankenstein combo of Netflix and comics heartstopper. basically it just takes everything across both universes into account. Plus Solitaire, This Winter, N&C etc. 

[waterparksdrama]

ok now do Greatest Hits

took me a while, sorry anon but i needed to be in a certain mood for it and i'm more willing to listen to this in full even if it's long.

greatest hits - as far as intro songs go i think this is a good one. i like the vocal effects and the way it builds into this stormy atmosphere before going quiet again. 8/10

fuzzy - FUCK YEAH FUZZY WOOOOOOO!!!!! this song is so chewy i don't know how to explain it. the song is about awsten's sleepless nights/sleep paralysis/nightmares but in a really fun way and there's no annoying lyrics here i literally cannot complain about this song the bassline is godly. 10/10

lowkey as hell - and from that hype we are brought back down. i was kinda meh about this song when this came out and i'm still like kinda meh about it lol. it's very much a waterparks song (big rock chorus, lyrics complaining about something stupid that no one else would really) but nothing that really makes it stands out. i think the lyrical sentiment of trying to be there for someone whether it be fans or friends despite your own problems is sweet though i will admit. 6/10

numb - when this first came out i was like "this just sounds like a fandom b side" and what do you know i was close enough. good song to hype up to live i will admit it's a lot better like that than studio recorded. another fucking song complaining how fans only like him when he's sad and more lyrics that were tweets he put in a song for some reason. which. eye roll. c'mon man. 6/10

violet! - i like the transition from numb to this it's fun. a more pop oriented song with it's 80s pop like guitars in the beginning before evolving into this sparkly chorus. lyrically it's about a supposed stalker fan awsten had and with some of these exaggerated lyrics it's hard to tell how real that is, but his own mindset on the situation is clearer than that. i like it. it's fun and tells a story regardless. 7/10

snow globe - when this came out i was listening to a lot of classical piano so i really dug the intro because it reminded me of this piece called la campanella. i like the cold atmosphere it builds with the heavy autotune and desolate synths. lyrically, this follows awsten's self doubts and experience living as a public figure, how he simultaneously experiences loneliness while thousands people know him (loose term) from his music to his online posts. one time i used one of those online mashup sites to create a mashup between this and frou frou foxes in midsummer fires by cocateau twins and it was godly. 7/10 but the remix i got for it gets 8/10 bc shoegaze.

just kidding - cmon man. a song about feeling like shit, what else is there to say. the song chronicles awsten's mental struggles of feeling hated with a touch of implications of using someone as a distraction from this while being passive aggressive to them at the same time. sonically, it rides a sort of chill emo rap wave you might hear as background music to a lofi anime beats youtube if awsten wasn't singing specifically during the chorus where this annoying vocal effect sort of sounds like it's mocking his own words (which i guess is the point? but still). the song is more annoying than sympathetic for me and i don't understand why de'wayne and travis rallied for this song so hard. 4/10

the secret life of me - okay we're back to decent songs again. the sparkly guitars and drums remind me of a classic sonic game soundtrack. the song follows awsten's disassociation after just kidding, where instead of being caught in throes of reality, he gets caught in a maladaptive daydream of better things. i do that too so i can't really bitch here. 8/10

american graffiti - titled after a george lucas movie that was made to "appeal to the mainstream", it's a song about becoming a spectacle of fan interest and dealing with those expectation (believe me you don't have to tell me the irony of me reviewing any of this rn). awsten said this song was supposed to be a "pop punk but make it good" sort of thing so essentially they just made a neck deep song. the song reprises and seems to twist the lyrics from lowkey as hell ("if you need me, i'm here now") showing how that while it is good he can be so accessible, he's so accessible to the point that it's kind of meaningless to the general public. 8/10

you'd be paranoid too (if everyone you knew was out to get you) - wow another self reference. who would've thought. it's another fucking song about anxiety and living as a public figure and at this point in the album when it's so long and repeated so much it's kinda just like "do you have other things to complain about or..." sonically it feels kinda basic with it's rock anthem feel. there's a weird dichotomy between the suicidal lyrics and the ones that try to be lighthearted and it's just. well it's a song. 5/10

fruit roll ups - i like the transition. not much i can say about other parts of this song. was the autotune always this grating. anyways this song follows awsten trying to use random shit he bought as an excuse for someone to try seeing him. instrumentally, it's a lot better but oh my god these vocals and lyrics. i'm not even that convinced he even likes this person that much. also i've had band nerds tell me the song is actually in 6/8 time which makes awsten's statement at the beginning a lie. 4/10

LIKE IT - you guys know how much i love horrible music (i help run a waterparks blog after all) so when i heard this i was like "oh my god this is like modern the blue poptarts, my favorite terrible band." everything down to the rapping feels like a refined version of "it ain't easy being gangsta". again, it's another complaining song, but i think it works better than the other ones because it's not as tonally jarring and gets away with being bitchy by being so ridiculous instrumentally. i feel like he's like one line away from saying that old "cruisin down the street in my tight jeans" line (i learned that was an eazy e interpolation a couple years back isn't that weird). 8/10

gladiator (interlude) - i like the instrumental i don't like josh madden because he's another shill in the madden family and also one time someone said he looked like a thumb so now when i hear this i just think of that. either way his rambling about gladiators as an allegory for working in entertainment becomes very relevant to the next song 6/10

magnetic - the genius page may have rejected my annotations to this song but just remember i am always right. linked to gladiator, this song deals with awsten's internal battle between his public persona and his personal life, which bleed into each other and gets him lost in everything and nothing with things he hates. i love this song i can't lie. not only is this a pretty good lyrically, the electronic tinged guitars are so addictive and crunchy in all the right ways. god and the ending??? god it's so good. 9/10

crying over it all - a love song to someone that doesn't exist lol. a sweet song to someone that's supposed to stay behind once the band is gone and awsten exists outside of that. i really like zeph's backing vocals in this it really adds to this dreamy fantasy the song tries to build. 7/10

ice bath - the sister interlude to the intro title track. a song using the intro vocals and "wakes up" back into reality and awsten gets caught back into his materialism to cope with his mental struggles. 6/10

see you in the future - a song that essentially a chaotic ramble of awsten's life at that point that for the most part settles on focusing on the future (for better or for worse). a lot of these lyrics are probably just tweets awsten never sent amongst the random shit and attempts at insight in his life. it's. certainly a song but i can't lie the drums at the end are so primal and larger than life i remember screaming so hard when otto was doing that live. 6/10

in conclusion, a lot of this album is complaining about the same thing (i mean what waterparks album isn't that at it's core really), but it makes up for its (usually lyrical) faults in some songs with its out of this world, chaotic production. it is still a solid 3/5 stars in my book and this relisten made me realize it's been so long since i overplayed magnetic that i can enjoy it again so thanks for that sort of anon. greatest hits more like greatest shits *ba dum tss*

-iz

[sapphireorison]

Good morning, loves. It's been a good long while. <3

I've recently come out my hibernation and am starting to want to tinker with my brain a little bit. Of course, I come back to this blog to do so. Idk, there's just something about this particular space that lends me to more productive navel-gazing.

I think it has to do with trying to put things into thoughts that others can understand. Because while I might 'get it,' whatever it is, can I also explain it to myself? I feel like that's very important.

Also, I realized that I have done exactly zero spiritual growth since the plague hit, but in a self-protective kind of way. This I would like to fix, because (shockingly) I like growing as a person and learning new things that I'm capable of. I have gotten very good at anxiety mitigation and learning how to recover from major stressors, but that's all just getting me back to baseline. (Though I HAVE a good equilibrium of a baseline, now, which is...novel? New. I like it.)

Some things I've been prodding at more recently (here, have a bunch of personal bullshit, ilu):

I've been reading that City Magick book, which is kind of fun and I already have quite a few thoughts about it. I've been taking notes, so we'll see if I have something coherent to say about it afterwards.

I've also realized that I've been stripping my pop occulture elements from my practice to the point where I'm only keeping the useful and resonant bits. They're far more abstractions now. Useful, but mine. Keeping the jewels, because of what I've made them mean, but...mmm. Many thoughts, tbh. I'm shedding a few of the incorrectly fitting metaphors, though, because I've figured out why they don't fit.

Sometime in the past however long, I finally came to full terms with being aroace, which...has a lot of very interesting implications for just how polyam I am, and what kind of—look. Look. There are very few places for really ~interestingly developed qpr polycules and figuring that out has made a lot of things snap into a really crisp high-def oh shit. Which has also made it a lot easier to ditch some of the constructs I created to protect myself that I don't need. (Though some of them I am legit sad about leaving behind, I outgrew them. Gotta leave behind the husk, yanno?)

Addendum: this past pride with me having decided 'yeah, actually, aroace here' with enough confidence to think it's relevant to pride was...weird? Interesting? I liked it, but it was definitely a thing.

Still very much interested in my Lifeblood of the City project, where I am doing research into genius loci and (ofc) urban witchery. Both in general but also as part of trying to connect with LA. Learning to love a place and a time and, hopefully, to incorporate everything about it into some sort of working practice. If I have to drive hours to hit wilderness, a lot of witchery need not apply.

But also, the above is very much a, hrm, well, I uprooted myself, right? So I feel/felt that sharp and angry disconnect with where I've been transplanted. All of the research I've been doing has been, in a very concrete way, giving me insight and access to a city that I never wanted to live in and who I must live in for the rest of the foreseeable future. So. Spiritual implications of spiritual research, but not in the way you'd think.

Though, of course, I've been here for nearly ten years and I am rather hopelessly fond of many parts of the city, now. Enough that I was arguing with the City Magick book in my notes at its characterization of a city's energy as so often too negative. So. A good point in the project to be reading this book, I think, ahha.

Vaguely grumpy that the one book I want to read re: Genius Loci is VERY out of print (like the publisher went belly up) and the author's last 'thinking about self-pub!' was last in June. If I could just FIND a copy...

Let's see...beyond ALL THAT, I'm about to hit a growth phase in my career, too, and with the fall approaching, all things feel very possible to me. I always kind of wake up as soon as summer ends.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm back, but I do know that I'm pleased to have scribbled down some of these thoughts. I hope you all have a lovely day. <3<3

[northropi]

So I'm going to be using this more, for real this time.

In an effort to Holy Fucking Shit They're Considering Cisgender A Slur Now What The Fuck, I am soft-leaving Twitter. For real now. What do I mean? I will not post anything "directly."

I'll still like, follow, reply, retweet, whatever, but any media or in-depth text (so like also media) will no longer be natively placed on Twitter.

From now on anything I put on Twitter will be links to other sites.

It also seems inevitable at this point that I will eventually have to leave Twitter entirely because harassment is becoming more frequent.

While I'm not big enough to be readily targeted, bigots are trawling the trending tab to find anyone who comments on a recurring topic and start gnawing them.

I've never been a full "no ethical consumption under capitalism" person, but up until this, I could at least blow Elon's bigotry off as "oh, so we happen to have a bigoted owner on this site, well not gonna pay his ass so I'm fine in the short-term." But this policy, which seems to have gone through, is probably the first time something actively bigoted and not just generic right-lib "hey we should let bigots talk because censorship bad" has been written into the ToS.

To strongarm Cis out of our vocabulary leaves us with no words to describe Cis people exclusively (which is itself a pretty damning reason why it's not a fucking slur, but I don't think at this point that anyone who says they think it is is doing so in good faith). We have to use the word bigots want us to use to describe cis people.

Normal.

And every time we speak it, they'll lick their slimy lips and relish in the implication that, by exclusion, we have admitted we are not.

BlueSky likely will mark the end of Twitter being an even neutral space for vulnerable people in terms of community, though maybe I'm talking out my ass there because I hear some shit about BlueSky too- so sub BlueSky for whatever more solid Twitter-style multipurpose high-throughput platform follows and actually is good if I have to eat those words, I guess.

It, or the hypothetical next thing, will bleed Twitter of users who are, you know, not fucking horrible, and in turn, create a selective pressure that turns Twitter into a decidedly bigot-friendly site. This is the cost of being run by someone who thinks "free speech" should mean taking the wrong answer to the paradox of tolerance, and an idol to rightoids and conspiracy theorists who need that "gifted" Christ-figure and a supposed force of opposition to exist, even if they have to rip their brain in two to characterize that opposition as the establishment while, being conservatives, every single stance they take is pro-establishment.

You people ruined schizoposting, you know that?

Newgrounds will be for images with occasional text updates, this for long but relatively rough posts, Wix for more encyclopedia-style content as I intend to use it in a wiki-like capacity with secondary blog purposes (why not use wiki for that, you ask? because it looked like a lot to learn up front and there seemed to be like twelve different wiki formats, Wordpress/Wix was just easier but might change later).

I'll also aim for some filler on Youtube in the form of just video game clips so I can feed the algorithm a bit and try to be more active in exploiting what free time I have to actually use my mic for voiced stuff including, possibly, short streams, though that begs the question of where I'll be doing those.

As for Tumblr, a friend offered me to help me learn its syntax or whatever you'd even call it in this case to get it formatted. I wouldn't count on it replacing Newgrounds yet and that may be my primary art site from here on out (I've expressed concern about their harsh policy against WIPs and certain modeling programs that might include my VRoid work, but the latter would obviously be fine here and the former can still be posted in a publicly accessible capacity to NG, just not promoted in the art portal- hopefully I get "scouted" there sooner than later but nothing is a dealbreaker yet). The problem ofc is because, well... First off, NSFW. "Oh but you can post-" yes. I know. You can do some lewd stuff and fetish content fine as long as it doesn't hit a particular bar of "non-artistic" nudity. However, a lot of my stuff is raunchy fucking hypercock bellybulging cum cum madness. I can't just fly under that restriction and not need to eventually find another outlet.

Second, I really gotta handle these fucking bots. Not sure how many I have still as I imagine a lot are getting cleaned out by mods, but it seems follower notifs on this site have been going into junk for a while due to sheer frequency.

I'm also thinking about if I have it in me to forgive DeviantArt for their AI debacle, but the site's stance on it is concerning and I fear that there's at best going to be a ton of it flooding the site, which, while acceptable if they hold their promise of being able to opt out future works (remember, the opt-out doesn't apply to any works put up before- you can't un-train a neural network, so fuck that sideways), will be frustrating to interact with. I'm also going to look into ArtStation a bit, I recall them doing something dubious but I'm not sure of the status of it since. I actually already have an account there, for Project G.L.U.T.T.'s demo mostly...