#but Pyrrha would give the baby cigarettes

[theriverbeyond]

Idk about having kids, but I feel like Gideon would definitely really like kids and be good with them. Cam and Pal would both be very good with kids but I'm not sure how much either of them, especially Cam, would like them. I think Harrow being asked to keep a human child alive and well for any period of time would be hilarious and maybe heartbreaking. I work in childcare and I've been working on a project where I rank tlt characters based on how well they could keep a child alive and separately how well they would get along with said child it's very fun to think about.

I think many TLT characters would really enjoy hanging out with children in a babysitting/childcare context ngl!! I can even imagine Harrow having an okay time if she has A Job (concept: griddlehark, kindergarten teacher Gideon x middle school teacher Harrow). I just don't see (especially griddlehark) as particularly parental? Even with Cam and Pal, who do their best taking care of Nona, I just cannot imagine either as like... intentionally wanting to have an actual child LMAO. Especially in canon universe but even in AU 😭

... however.... a kidfic i DO want is Gideon Nav's Horrible No Good Loony Toons Childhood ft. Mercy and Augustine forgetting her in a hot car while they fuck in a Nordstrom's changing room. She DOES survive (she's immortal! a baby on easy mode), but not unscathed (she gets the trauma) </3

[liesmyth]

locked tomb characters ranked by how cringe they are

because this post by @wifegideonnav reminded me that they’re all losers, but some are even more losers than the others

Hot Sauce: 1/10. This girl is cool in all possible ways and definitely future lead researcher material. No cringe, zero notes.

Pyrrha: 2/10. By far the least cringe of The Olds. Yes her nicknames for Nona have dad joke energy but she’s very earnest about it and it’s cute.

Juno Zeta: 2/10. Total MILF. Very smart and should know better than to get flirty with We Suffer, but I get it.

Marta Dyas: 3/10. A complete badass with a very sensible outlook on avoiding unnecessary forms. Call me Judith because I would also make a pass at her at the first possible chance.

Commander Wake: 3/10. She made Pyrrha fall in love with her, seduced ever-loyal G1deon into hatefucking and galvanized a dying resistance movement. She was genuinely nice to Gideon those 3 seconds they interacted in passing! Then she had to go and hide under the bed of a mentally ill teenager.

Dulcinea: 4/10. Her horniness for revenge is epic. Let down Pal as nicely as she could and managed to outwit Cytherea when it mattered. Not cringe at all.

Camilla: 4/10. Yes, she could kill you in seconds but she did once sell cigarettes, her most liquid asset, for about a third of their market value.

Alecto: 4/10. Scary eldritch woman-shaped creature with a sword, comes highly recommended by Pyrrha Dve. Loses points for confusing Middle English and thinking John was the best possible Sailor Earth when he was clearly the worst.

G1deon: 5/10. Utterly willing to burn for what he believes in. Yes, he probably needs some perspective but he made sure the baby had enough air before kicking Wake out of the airlock and Matthias Nonius thinks he’s an okay dude.

Pash: 5/10. She has that freedom fighter swag and the cool hair but she is a terrible bodyguard coasting on nepotism, sorry to say.

Palamedes: 6/10. He didn’t clock the serial killer pretending to be his ex because he was too busy going to painfully extreme lengths to avoid interacting with her.

Naberius: 6/10. My controversial opinion is that Babs is the least cringe of the Third House throuple. Yes he looks and acts like a peacock but he puts up with Corona snacking on him for no reason and is still nice to her, and gives Ianthe solid romantic advice.  

Nona: 6/10. Cringe in the unselfconscious way of a young teenager, and put this ability to use making Pal fess up to his nurse kink. She will never be cool but it’s part of her appeal.

Mercymorn: 7/10. Speaks in onomatopoeias. She knows she is insufferable so she’s gonna do her best to make sure to be the most insufferable person in every room. Once called John Gaius “the best man I who ever lived” to his smug face and not even blowing him up later makes up for that.

Ianthe: 7/10. Looks like a wet rat. Hopelessly dramatic but she pulls it off. Declares her love for Harrow at every turn in the most transparent possible way then pretends she’s just being snarky. Some cool points for actually getting shit done

Coronabeth: 7/10. Terrible taste in love interests. Her freedom fighter era was hot but she thinks pompadour hair is a good look? Also, the way she spent her whole life lying about necromancy speaks of extreme conflict avoidance. Cringe move.

Judith: 7/10. She deserved to suffer and has suffered more than she deserves. It’s cringe how she clings to her imperialist brainwashing but she gets a point for rightfully understanding she should be wary of Corona, something Ianthe still can’t even grasp.

Ortus: 7/10. Yes he quotes his own epic poetry WIP at people but he also had to grow up on the Ninth with nothing better to do. Genuinely a very nice guy.

Cytherea: 8/10. Her unhinged vibes are very hot but she killed a couple of nerds and two teenagers instead of anyone who was actually dangerous. Cringe of her!

Silas: 8/10. Smarmy cloud-looking motherfucker. He is a child Pope and I guess he can’t help the inherent cringe of the Eight. But that’s still no excuse for bringing a portrait of John all the way to Canaan House just to hang it in your bedroom, dude.

Gideon: 8/10. Babygirl is a horny virgin with the vocabulary of a nerd. Harrow is bones over tit in love with her and she fails to notice after living in Harrow’s brain for eight months. Gets points for managing to maintain impressive biceps on a diet with no protein.

Augustine: 9/10. Extremely cringe because of how hard he tries to pretend he’s not cringe. Cigarettes on a space station and effectively performing swag don’t make up for how much he clearly wants to suck John’s dick. Which he did at least twice.

Harrow: 10/10. Spent most of her life being mean to Gideon because she was too hot to deal with and lobotomized a coffee shop AU into existence. Thinks Ianthe Tridentarius is beautiful. Once built a bone cocoon to sleep in after not drinking water for two days. Should’ve told God months ago that she just didn’t want to eat his fucking biscuits and stop offering.

John: 10/10. Unfortunately, this scale only goes up to 10 but we all know it’s not enough. Deeply cringe in a myriad of ways, chiefly among them the way he inflicts his barely veiled incest kink on all his friends. That one dad joke was gold, though.

This was getting too long but for the record: Aiglamene is cool and so is Abigail Pent. Magnus is not cool but he’s a fun time. The Terrible Teens are exempt from judgement on account of being 14.

[dve]

8, 22, 23, 25

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

fork found in kitchen moment but i find the idea of wake being a "bad/abusive" mother to be totally reductive of wake as a character, and the ideas the text is trying to explore. i know that gideon expresses feelings about her mother both pre- and post- realizing that wake is her mother and she was using her as a tool to open up the tomb -- and those feelings are absolutely valid and very real for gideon to have, so i understand that angle of it. but to me, wake was acting more out of furious desperation and determination to see her goals through and having a baby that she says augustine and mercymorn told her to kill and blow the doors open.

I’m sorry, Nonagesimus. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe I should’ve turned and gotten the hell out of there, holed up somewhere to wait until you came back. But I said: “What—about—my mother?” “Excuse me. I am wrong. I should not use that term,” said the necromantic saint. She rolled both her shoulders back and wiped those thin dilute tears of blood off her cheeks. “How she would have hated the word mother.”

[...]

“You sent me out there to kill a baby and open those doors. Whose baby didn’t matter on my end. I carried that thing under my heart … threw up every morning that first trimester … felt it kick … had to induce labour and give birth in a shuttle, alone, knowing by then that Gideon was catching up … Do you know, I gave that thing a nickname, my whole pregnancy? I used to call it Bomb.”

i think wake is living in a world where sentimental feelings towards the baby she's carrying is not an option when it comes down to what she's trying to do and what she's trying to achieve, and even then, when wake shoots mercymorn and says goodbye to gideon that feels very sad to me, and tells me that it isn't nearly as one-note as i think a lot of people wish it were. again: i understand the desire to have it be one note, but the series demands you exercise your brain a little more than that imo.

I didn’t know what to say—Thank you? Is this like round five now? I didn’t have to say anything, because her mouth opened, and the voice was Cytherea’s but the gravelly, hard-as-nails tone wasn’t. “Goodbye,” she said.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

gideon was the one who saluted harrowhark with his cigarette, not pyrrha! also blood of eden's whole deal. generally i'd love to get a day-in-the-life with pash and aim. + pyrrha's grief for gideon the first that people just sort of brush past when i see her characterized, and how it acts in opposition to camilla and palamedes' whole deal throughout nona. maybe favorite isn't the right word to use for the last one but interesting is.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i genuinely can't think of an answer to this one tbh. maybe pash/nona? but i wasn't ever opposed to pash/nona necessarily, i just find crown/pash or even cam/pash a little more appealing to my tastes.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

we shouldn't be discussing racism in the fandom and the way characters of color, specifically black characters (i'm thinking of judith + marta + gideon the first + pyrrha-in-gideon's-body) are treated in fandom spaces because tmuir is white / because the empire has somehow liberated itself of the issues of racism and homophobia etc. i think it's a copout for many white fans who are uncomfortable with discussing these things.

choose violence w me

[iviarellereads]

Nona the Ninth, Day One, Chapter 1

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Locked Tomb icon)(1) In which we meet Nona.

Day One comes with a set of teasers.

REGARDING NONA—HOT SAUCE IS WATCHFUL—THE CITY HAS A BAD DAY—NONA GETS A BEDTIME STORY—FIVE DAYS UNTIL THE TOMB OPENS.(2)

Nona closes her eyes and recounts her dream to Cam. Someone with a painted face, who might be, no, is definitely a "her", is above her in "the safe water".(3) Nona knows that Cam's notes often include boring things like what face she makes when she says certain things.

Then, she forgets the rest of the dream, so Cam ends the session and clicks the button on the recorder. Nona launches into action, changing clothes for the day. She's proud she can get changed herself: she once got very upset and claustrophobic when her nightshirt got stuck over her head before she could handle dressing herself.

She had only ever had two tantrums in her life, but it would be humiliating to have a third.

When she's done, Cam praises her quickness, and Nona dives into her daily stretches. She pretends her leg muscles are extra tight, trying to get Cam to help with a certain stretch, but Cam doesn't fall for it. She calls Nona's bluff and says maybe she can't go to school, at which Nona insists she's done, she's up. Cam tells her to go see if Pyrrha(4) needs help with breakfast. Nona wonders, hopefully, if it's gone cold already.(5) Cam says Pyrrha should do Nona's hair, as well, since Cam's going to "talk".(6) Nona asks Cam to write down that she sends her love to Palamedes.

This Camilla Hect did unblushingly, though Nona had to take it on trust. When she squatted down on her haunches, following the strokes the pencil made, she could not make out a single word. She could not even make out a letter, not of any alphabet she'd ever been shown, which interested everyone but herself.(7)

Still, she trusts Cam fully. When the pencil stops, she tells Cam she loves her and asks if they know who she is yet. Cam says she's someone late for breakfast.

Still, Cam smiles a rare smile, and Nona can feel that it's going to be a good day.

Nona goes out into the kitchen. A baby is being loud a few apartments over, and the neighbours below and above are dangerous to piss off in different ways, so Nona walks on tiptoes. Pyrrha is preparing a pan with spray oil, and wearing a string vest(8) and pyjama pants but no shirt. Nona asks if the mix in the bowl is pikelet mix,(9) but Pyrrha says it's just eggs. Nona wants something cold instead, but cold eggs aren't the same, and Pyrrha insists the eggs aren't optional.

Pyrrha asks after Nona's dreams, and Nona says they're same as always, but she wishes she could dream of something else. She asks if Pyrrha dreams, and Pyrrha describes a nightmare about not wearing any pants while giving a speech.

During a pause in Nona's gurgles of mirth, she added solemnly, "It was no fun, my child. I knew I'd be okay so long as I was hiding behind the podium, but I didn't know what I'd do once I had to sit down again. Die, I guess."(10)

When Nona's mirth calms, she asks if Pyrrha was being serious. Pyrrha says yes, but put a mark on the chart for an ass joke anyway. She guides Nona's hand with directions until she's in the right section of the chart. Nona counts(11) seven this month, and chides that Pal will think Pyrrha is skewing the data on purpose. Pyrrha says she "could never help giving the girls what they wanted".

Pyrrha finishes cooking the eggs, fills Nona's bowl, and tells her to eat while Pyrrha braids her hair. Nona asks for one big braid, with two little braids coming off it, so it won't come loose. Also, to avoid the temptation of chewing on the ends of "plain plaits".(12) Pyrrha comments about wanting to get into the cigarette drawer, but Nona says they're bad for her and she loves her.(13)

Nona eats her eggs while Pyrrha styles her long, fine, black hair.(14) Eventually, Pal comes out, in Cam's body. Nona can tell them apart from their physicality, posture, movement, but the easiest way is the eyes: Pal's are brownish grey, while Cam's are fully grey.(15) Pal and Pyrrha banter about meat prices, and then go into the other room to talk while Nona is advised to finish eating her eggs. She eats three mouthfuls then goes to sit next to the door to eavesdrop.

They mention that someone gave them a year, and they're not giving "her" up early.(16) Then they move away from the door, so Nona can hear even less. Eventually they come back closer to the door, and discuss tactics. Why are the BOE running when they're in the best position they've ever had? Pyrrha doesn't know, despite sleeping with the enemy, and she won't tell Pal and Cam her suspicions in case they're interrogated.

There appear to be some barracks with some House personnel barricaded, and there's some discussion as to how to rescue them. Even the locals are split on how to handle it: some of Pyrrha's command are eager to kill the Houses, some would welcome them if they'd just clean up the gangs running wild on the streets. The divisions in the BOE are stronger than their common cause.(17) Pyrrha's ready to steal a ship and get the three-and-a-half of them off-planet and to anywhere else in the universe at any time.

A timer goes off, and Pal has to swap back out again. They discuss whether Nona should go to school or not, but Pal wants her calm. Nona tries to eat the last lumps of egg in her bowl, when Cam asks how long she was listening. Nona admits, nearly the whole time.

Cam eats the rest of her breakfast while Nona drops a cleaning tablet in the dishes and Pyrrha shaves. They dress for outside, with hats and masks, though Nona doesn't think they really need hats or masks. Still, the need to blend in outweighs the practicality of needing or not needing the protection.

Pyrrha runs them through this week's scatter and all-clear words, and what to do in an emergency. Both Cam and Nona defy what Pyrrha wants to hear on the latter, but she sighs and they get on with it anyway.

=====

(1) What could that mean, in this context? This is just meeting Nona and getting introduced to her life. Why is the Locked Tomb here? One fair guess is that it's used as a generic icon since this is the Locked Tomb series, since we know Nona isn't of the Ninth House. There may be other guesses to be made. (2) Awfully ominous for the first pages of a book. (3) Obvious allusions to memories between Gideon and Harrow. (4) Well well! We have located one person whose situation was in some jeopardy at the end of HtN. Only, how did Pyrrha get here? And where is "here" exactly? (5) Definitely something unusual about this young lady. (6) Presumably to Pal, via those notes and tape recorder. (7) My my. Why would someone not be able to read even when taught? (8) Elsewhere might call this a tanktop. (9) Australian and New Zealander name for pancake. (10) Guess I'll Just Die meme. The one with the old guy shrugging. (11) She can count, just not read. Fascinating. (12) This bit still makes absolutely no sense to me. A plait is another word for a braid. It's possible that Muir is distinguishing between an English/plain braid as a plait and a French braid as a braid, but even French braids get ends tied off that are temptingly chewable. You can pin a braid to a head whether it starts off French, Dutch, or English. (13) The tagline that "Nona loves everyone" or "Nona loves you" really isn't kidding, huh? She's so warm and open. (14) Black hair. Well, that rules out Nona being in Gideon's body. This must be Harrow's, then. The veiled allusions to how quickly Nona's hair grows throw back to Ianthe messing with the follicles during the lobotomy process. Only, how did Harrow's body get to the BOE with Pyrrha after the Mithraeum went down… and why isn't Gideon still in it? (Sure, she died, but we know how much that's worth in this series.) (15) Now that's a bit of a swap, isn't it? In Gideon, Palamedes is distinctly described with pure grey eyes, and Cam with brown in the mix. Typo/editing oversight, or intentional clue that something has happened to them in the process of sharing the body the way they do? (16) Presumably, Nona. (17) I can't fit it in without going into far more detail than I think this section really needs right now, so: Ctesiphon Wing is mentioned. Ctesiphon was an ancient city, not too far from modern Baghdad, that served as the seat of power for two empires. So, lots of the BOE wings have ancient powerful city names.

[moistmailman]

AU where Jaune dies instead

*The gang finds themselves at the Arc residents during their journey, and Pyrrha is by herself on the porch while everyone else are eating*

Pyrrha, wiping a tear while looking at the stars: Jaune, Im sorry.

Joan, walking out with a cigarette: Oh? Hello? I didn't know anyone was out here.

Pyrrha, turning around before wiping a tear: Huh? Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't know-

Joan, sitting down next to her: You don't have anything to apologise for, sweetheart. I don't mind the company anyway. *Lights cigarette before taking a puff*

*The two sits in a comfortable silence for a few minutes*

Joan: So, *takes a puff of cigarette* Is there a reason why you're out here all by yourself? All of your friends are currently eating my husband's cooking, which I can proudly say, is probably a mediocre meal, but he’s proud of it. *Chuckles*

Pyrrha, forcing out a fake chuckle: I'm just not really hungry right now. I have a lot on my mind at the moment.

Joan, puffing on the cigarette: Really? Wanna talk about it?

Pyrrha: I rather not.

Joan: Okay, if you say so, but I have you know that I'm a fantastic listener. Having eight children would do that to ya. Are you sure you don't want to talk?

Pyrrha: Yeah, I'm sure.

*Some more time passes as Joan continues to smoke*

Joan: Do me a favor and don't mention me smoking to my husband. He would be furious with me to learn that I started again.

Pyrrha: Started again?

Joan: Yeah, I stopped smoking years back ago but......I recently took it back up though.

Pyrrha, realizing why: Oh......I see.

Joan, puffing on the cigarette: Yeah.

*2 minutes passed before Joan finally finishes the cigarette*

Joan, breaking the silence: You know, I miss him everyday. Every single day. There's not a day that have went by where I haven't thought about him. That was my baby boy, and learning the news.........it broke me. Completely crushed me in pieces and for the longest time, I.........I thought I was going to remain broken.

Pyrrha, tearing up: I'm so sorry.

Joan, sadly chuckling Man, Jaune was right when he said that you apologized too much.

Pyrrha: Jaune mentioned me?

Joan, smiling: Oh yeah. He practically gushed about you in his letters he sent to us, and he always sounded enthusiastic when we talked about you on video calls.

Pyrrha, feeling a lump in her throat: H-he did?

Joan: Yeah. His sister teased him nonstop for it, claiming that he'd be the next one to give me a grandchild. His face always turned this very bright red because of it. It was adorable.

Pyrrha: Y-yeah, i-it was.

*Some more silence passed*

Joan: Wanna know how I through it though?

Pyrrha, taken back: W-what?

Joan: Do you want to know how I got through Jaune's death.

Pyrrha: H-how?

Joan: My family.

Pyrrha: Pardon?

Joan: My family helped me get me through it, or more like we got through it together. For the longest time I was just hiding in my room, crying my eyes and while trying to hide my emotions from my family. In hindsight, that did more damage to me. Does that sound familiar to you?

Pyrrha, looking down sadly: Yeah.

Joan: I know the hurt you're feeling sweetheart, God, I know it so well, but hiding yourself and blaming yourself for everything isn't fair at all. Jaune wouldn't like that, and neither do your friends. Jaune was their friend too, and they miss him too.

*Pyrrha starts to tear up*

Joan: My son made a choice that night, and.......I wish everyday that he made another choice, but he didn't, and I must live with that, just like you must.

*Pyrrha starts to cry more*

Joan: Hiding away with your emotions isn't a solution to cope. Your friends in there though *gestures towards the house* they are. And those friends miss you dearly. They want their friend back, just as much they want Jaune back.

*Pyrrha fully starts to fully cry before hugging Joan*

Pyrrha, through tear: I just miss him so much! Every single day!

Joan, comfortingly rubbing her back: We all do sweetheart, every single one of us.

*For the next hour, Joan comforted Pyrrha as she cried about Jaune and talked about the good times they had with him*

[theriverbeyond]

I would luv to hear about the character everyone gets wrong and the worst blorbofication.

1. the character everyone gets wrong 13. worst blorboficiation?

ok i'm combining these into one answer but........ Pyrrha Dve

LISTEN LISTEN. i love Pyrrha. incredible character. but she's a landmine person, and I think a lot of people have slotted her into the same "mom character" fandom role as like, Abigail Pent, which i just do NOT think is her vibe. not that she can't be parental, bc she can, but idk I think she's more complicated and fucked up positive than her blorbofication often makes her out to be. like her edges get sanded off in service of mom-ifying her, yknow?

choose violence ask game!