#but King was much kinder and much more focused on the healing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

irwinkitten · 4 years ago

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into the night | ii | demon!sos

pairing: demon!ashton x nb!angel!oc (with a side of demon!michael x black fae!oc) notes: so this isn’t as long as part one was (oops) however, i lowkey loved writing this and creating this world. this part focuses on ashton, however we get a glimpse of michael (who will be the next part and final part i hope) also thank u to my twin for checking over this and catching my errors!! lovee u @sexgodashton word count: 5.7k

part one

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Time was much kinder to Roe and Marcella than their coven.

The first decade, the coven had their own struggles. There’d been enough times when hunters had nearly decimated them all because there was word about two demons in the midst of witches.

It was the first time Roe had ever invoked sacrificial protection for the betterment of her coven, and the guilt had weighed heavy on her for years afterwards.

True to her father's word, Calum and Luke had remained with the coven, an added layer of protection as they continued with their lives. They acted as liaison, to reap the souls that were not willing to pay their debts, the ones that Michael and Ashton had no time to seek and collect.

Ashton and Michael traversed through often enough, finally becoming comfortable enough with Marcella and Roe to let their guards down with them.

Gem had wormed her way into their hearts too, the elder witch having accepted them with ease. More often than not, there would be a point in the week where any of the four demons would sit talking with her, asking about her knowledge, her life.

A witch's knowledge was sacred, it taught the new generations of the Old Magicks, curses and spells. It taught them how to defend, to care for. But these stories Gem told the four demons, taught them how to open a side of them that they’d believed they’d lost the day they’d sold themselves to the King.

Ashton sat with Gem on such an occasion, his eyes studying the way her fingers tapped the porcelain cup.

“Your time is coming, you realise?” Her voice was quiet, Ashton could only nod. “She’ll fight it. She’s a stubborn witch.”

“It’s her right to rule. I know his predecessor was murdered, but he knows that he wants his kingdom in good hands. If it wasn’t for the fact that Calum finalised the bond with her, he’d have snatched Roe years ago.” Gem sighed as she finished her tea, her eyes searching the tea leaves.

“They just read change every damn time.”

Ashton looked up from his own cup, staring at Gem in shock at the frustrated tone that had left her lips.

Over the last decade, he’d only heard her raise her voice a handful of times. Each one was warranted, but he still knew that the normally calm witch only showed the frustrations when things were going south.

“Gem?” Old eyes met his and he could see the years of experience and the years of loss as a lone tear escaped.

“I can’t make heads or tails of what’s going to happen, Ashton. Too much needs to be decided and she will fight it, every step of the way.”

He sighed as he set his cup down, nodding his head before letting his fingers push through his black curls. That change had come a few years previous when Roe had made a passing comment to the demon when he’d shown up with a mild disguise on. She’d told him that black hair certainly looked better on him and so he’d decided that he needed a change and the black hair became permanent.

“He’s expecting her to rebel. He doesn’t want to put too much pressure on Calum, knowing she’ll readily destroy herself to protect him from the Kings plans.”

“So he’s putting the pressure on you?”

“Yes and no. My jobs are no different, but I’m feeling the pressure of doing what needs to be done. He doesn’t accept failure.” Carefully, his fingers peeled up his shirt sleeve and Gem gasped in shock at the darkened welts on his skin.

“He didn’t.” The older witch breathed, her eye unable to tear them from him.

“You can not heal them, Gem.” He warned as her fingers reached out, touching the delicate skin.

“Watch me.” She snapped back in return, eyes refocusing before the spell left her lips.

He watched in amazement as the skin on his arm knitted itself back together, a sigh of relief escaping his lips.

“He dares go for you again, tell him to start a fight with me.” The older witch snapped. And Ashton couldn’t help but smile as his fingers reached out, squeezing her arm gently.

“I’d look forward to the day where I see a demon, and the king of hell no less, get forced to submit to a witch.” Ashton murmured, earning a smirk from Gem.

“Where do you think our Roe learned it from?” Her words made him chuckle as a knock on the door interrupted them. Michael’s head stuck around the corner and Ashton tensed.

“We need to go. There’s unrest. An Angel appeared.” Ashton was on his feet swiftly, but bowed shortly to Gem before following Michael out. Gem chuckled.

For all his posturing, his upbringing was one he never seemed to let go of once he realised that he had a safety net in the house.

Following Michael outside, they made the journey through the shadows, landing not far from the ostentatious palace where the King held court. His actual home was elsewhere, along with the offices that he used to keep things in check, but the palace was one to be used as a decoy. Ashton was certain that only six others, including himself, knew where the King lived and four of them lived above in the human realm.

“What’s going on?” His voice carried as he stepped through. Demons fell silent, their resentful eyes staring at the two as they strode through.

That had been another downside to stepping up. Demons who were ambitious often killed their competitors. However, the King had made himself clear over the last decade. Anyone who touched Ashton or Michael, paid the price.

“The Angel bitch appeared out of nowhere, sir.” One of the younger demons commented, the sneer firm on his lips. Ashton held back his sigh of annoyance.

“Someone with a fucking brain cell, tell me what happened?” He snapped out and murmurs slipped through the gathered crowd before they parted. Ashton felt his heart tremble as the beaten and bloody body of the angel lay crumpled in a heap, the wings out and almost shredded with claws.

Michael scoffed as he made his way over.

“Who dragged the angel down here?” Ashton’s mind was frozen as Michael tilted the angel onto their back and memories from his human life hit him hard as the face fitted itself into his memories.

“She just appeared on the floor. No one dragged the bitch.” The first demon spoke and Ashton’s hand snapped out, his fingers closing slowly into a fist until he heard the demon gasp and struggle for air.

“You might think that they are our mortal enemies thanks to Belize, but trust me when I say working relationships exist between Heaven and Hell. Continue to call them a bitch and watch what happens. And for your troubles, they are a they, not a she.” He snapped, his fingers releasing and the demon struggled for air, his heaving breaths giving Ashton a vindictive satisfaction.

Their body was limp, but Ashton could hear the shallow, rattling breaths escape their lips, and he knew he needed to act to save their life.

With a jolt, he realised things were different compared to the last time that he saw them. And he felt like he was in some sort of cliche moment as he carefully picked up the angel, ignoring how the jolt slid down his arms when his fingers brushed their skin.

“Michael, inform his highness what has happened and clean up.” Ashton instructed and Michael nodded, turning around to kick the other demons from the palace. Ashton waited for a moment before he disappeared and he knew that he needed somewhere safe for the angel.

The sun hit his skin as he arrived, glancing up to the house before whistling loudly.

Calum came barrelling out first, followed by Marcella and then Gem.

“Ashton?” Calum’s eyes questioned the being in his arms, but he shook his head.

“They’re an angel, I can’t give them treatment below, it’ll kill them. I wouldn’t normally ask, but they-”

“They’re important to you.” Gem murmured as Marcella murmured a few spells and her face dropped.

“Get inside, use the room that you left Luke and I in.” She instructed and Ashton followed behind Gem who guided the two of them whilst Marcella yelled for other witches.

They came down at their calls, a couple scowling as they spotted Ashton, but he paid them no mind as he settled the angel on the bed, his fingers brushing the shoddily cropped hair with a sigh.

“What did they do to you?” He whispered before stepping back when Marcella returned with Roe in tow.

“Ashton?” Her tone was gentle as she held her hand out to him and he turned away from the angel, ignoring the stretched out hand before leaving the house, his own magic itching as he settled outside. He knew things were going to change and he knew he couldn’t leave.

“Fuck.” He lay out on the grass, arm over his eyes as he tried to keep his frustration from exploding outwards.

It was silent apart from the mutterings coming from within the house. Then a door closed and he growled in a warning.

“Pack it in.” Gem snapped as she sat herself next to him, his arm moving to see the older witch sat with an air of regality on the grass. He immediately felt bad, knowing the older witch sometimes struggled to move with ease.

“Had I known I would’ve been followed, I’d have stood.” He muttered and Gem snorted.

“Or you would’ve just disappeared.” She countered and he grimaced as his arm dropped from his face, sitting up to face Gem.

“I can’t.” He whispered and she stared at him hard. It felt like she was examining his soul, or what was left of it. And he looked away.

“There’s a bond, isn’t there?” Ashton knew that she knew the answer, but was still demanding him to vocalise it. And had it been anyone else, he’d have told them to fuck off.

But it was Gem. The witch who healed him despite the Kings deliberate mutilation to remind him of his place. The witch who reminded him of his humanity, who helped him find those memories from so long ago.

“Yes.” He finally whispered.

They sat there in silence before a blast of magic washed over the two of them and Ashton scrambled to his feet before helping Gem up. She smiled gently at him, patting his hand before following him through.

“Fucking angels.” Sapphire muttered as she left the room, rubbing a spot on her arm. Ashton snarled at her which made her pale before glancing to Gem and hurrying away.

“Peace, Ashton. It’s because the angel's version of magic is so very different.” Gem soothed the agitated demon. But it didn’t settle him until he entered the room and saw them laying more settled in the bed, their face free from the marks that had stunned him the first time around.

“Fucking angelic magic thinking it’s better than ours.” Roe muttered as she helped up Marcella who sighed.

“Don’t forget, our magic is tainted by our mates. Is it any wonder their magic reacted so violently?” Marcella chided and Roe stuck her tongue out before she spotted Ashton.

“You couldn’t have bonded to a human or a faerie, or even a bloody werewolf! You had to go and bond to a fucking angel.” He knew she was teasing, but his body tensed. Sensing the change in his mood, Roe held her hands up in a surrender position.

“How are they?”

“You need to find out what happened to them for me to fully heal them. We’ve got the superficial damage fixed, but there are curses locked in that I can’t touch until I know the origin. Ashton, how did you come by this angel?” Marcella’s tone was curious and he sighed as he took a seat next to the bed, feeling his chest ease now he was in proximity to them.

“They had been dumped on the floor of the palace. Which reminds me, Roe, you’ll have to start the transition soon before the younger demons start to revolt. The elders refuse to teach the little bastards.” Roe sighed.

“I just need to figure shit out first, but it’ll happen. Calum managed to finally convince me.” She muttered and he smiled gratefully at her.

“Go and rest, I’ll watch over them for now.” Roe left but Marcella hesitated.

“I’ll be fine.” He murmured and she shook her head.

“They weren’t in the best condition and we don’t know if our magic has aggravated it. The best thing you can do is make sure they’re comfortable so their own magic can help their body.” she instructed calmly before passing him a cloth. “If you notice a fever, use this to cool them down, it’s imbued with cooling charms to help so you don’t have to leave their side. Call for me when they wake up and I can get a better diagnosis.” Without another word, Marcella left, the door closing behind her.

He knew that both of them would’ve returned to their mates. The magic was enough that they would be tired.

The door opened once more and Gem stepped in, two cups of tea floating beside her as she sat on the chair which resided on the other side of the bed.

Ashton didn’t question her as the second cup of tea floated to his side.

“We might as well continue our little chat, especially since our Roe has seemingly made a decision.” Gem commented quietly and Ashton smiled at the older witch, his hands clasping the cup.

“I guess we should. Do you think that Roe is truly ready to work the compromise so that she can run the coven whilst keeping an eye on Hell?” Ashton’s words were curious and Gem smiled.

“She’s ruled long enough with an iron fist with this coven. They won’t know what to expect with her, one because she’s female but two because she has witches blood and she’s not afraid to exploit that for her own personal gains. I think she’ll make a fantastic Queen, and with Calum ruling by her side, the younger demons will quickly realise that the hierarchy exists for a reason.”

—

When they woke up with a gasp, Ashton was there, his eyes haunted yet considerate.

“You’re safe.” He murmured and their eyes were confused, the tiredness evident as he studied them.

“Ashton? But, you died centuries ago.” Their tone was suspicious despite the confusion. A wry smile appeared on his lips at their words.

“It’s what you get for falling in love with an angel.” He murmured, his eyes darkening. The hazel deepened before it fully transitioned to black and understanding dawned on the angel’s face.

“Demon.” They murmured softly and he nodded.

“You were dropped in the palace and left for dead. What happened?” The grimace told a lot more than he expected, but they seemed to weigh up the options before sighing.

“When word got out, about us, mercenaries were sent after you.”

“I remember. They’re the reason I became what I am.” His tone was dry and they shot him an apologetic look.

“They didn’t expect you to fight back, but I warned them. I warned them that you were of noble blood and had been raised to know how to fight. They watched me for a century after that. I couldn’t function. You’d died and my heart had gone.”

His heart clenched and stopped himself from reaching out to them, to offer a form of comfort.

“Were they watching to make sure you didn’t do something drastic?” They snorted.

“I was the angel who fell in love with a human. They refuted my claims of soulmate because angels only mate with other angels.” The scorn dripping from their tone surprised Ashton. As memories began to slot into place, he remembered bits and pieces.

“Did he forbid it?” And they shook their head, choppy hair falling into their eyes. A trembling hand moved to grasp it and Ashton watched as tears filled their eyes.

He silently realised that the change in hairstyle was not a personal choice on their part.

“He would’ve blessed it had he known. Had I not hidden it from him. He had me helping the lost souls, as a penance but also because I understood. Then Ariale, he tried so hard, but I couldn’t move on from you. He got angry, bitter.” Ashton closed his eyes.

“And then I appeared in the human realm, didn’t I?”

“They weren’t sure it was you until this year. Word spread that you had climbed the ranks but no one knew how much. I was forbidden.”

“You were my mate in my human life and they wouldn’t risk the bond carrying over to this life.” Ashton figures out the unspoken words. Tears were in their eyes as they took in a trembling breath.

“Ariale demanded judgement. That was when I learned one of his brothers-”

“Was the one that I killed as a human.” He closed his eyes, anger and frustration bubbling up. Ashton never felt violent towards Angels; he couldn’t after he started unlocking his human life. But the burning anger made him want to go to the high heavens and demand their own trials.

“Yes. They demanded my judgement for your actions since I’d claimed you as my soulmate.” His heart sank.

“Judgement deemed you guilty on behalf of my actions.”

“I begged with him, cried that it wasn’t fair. He told me the judgement had been made but he would not cast me from the heavens. He would send me to my mate. Ariale got hold of me first.”

Ashton couldn’t hold back his snarl of anger. How dare they claim righteousness yet hurt one of their own in such a way? He was furious.

“What did Ariale do?” His eyes held theirs and he watched as they winced as they moved.

“You saw my wings. There are some curses embedded as well. I cannot complete our bond, it’ll kill both of us most likely or just me. He was a bitter angel about me not moving on.” Ashton could only silently promise to end this bitter Angel's life if ever he crossed paths with him.

“I brought you to a coven of witches who, well a handful I consider friends. Roe is going to want to know the curses and Marcella won’t stand for your curse to prevent you completing the bond.” He held his hand out to them, resting it palm facing up on the bed.

“Ashton-”

“No,” he interrupted, “we were denied when I was human. I refuse to let some fucking asshole of an angel ruin it for us now. You’re mine.” He surprised himself at the ferocity of his words, but the look of relief of their face spoke volumes for him.

“Let me speak to the witches first. They need a fair idea of what to work with.” They finally whispered as they rested their hand in his.

He didn’t hesitate to bring their knuckles to his lips, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to them.

“Your will is mine. I’ll track them down and see what I can do. Rest for now, you’re safe.” He waited until they had settled back and fallen asleep. It was easy to track down Gem, and thankfully Roe and Marcella were with her.

“They’ve woken up. We’ve spoken a little and they’re resting now but it was a bitter angel that imbued them with curses. One of the curses means we can never complete our bond without their death.” Gems eyes were sympathetic as Marcella gasped in anger.

“Then I’ll find the damn curse and pick it apart piece by piece. They’re in safe hands. Now do you need a shoulder or do you need to vent?” He felt like he was being scolded by a mother hen, but he smiled at Marcella.

“I’m going to put some brats in their place.” He caught exasperated yet fond looks before he disappeared and when he reappeared in the office’s, he knew he had his work cut out for him.

Michael was waiting, a file in his hand.

“Mallory is one of Torrid’s lackeys. She got her claws in but this one has brains. He’s been laying low until Roe’s coronation got announced. He hasn’t been sitting idle either.” Michael explained as Ashton took the file and glanced down.

He scoffed.

“Get the brats that keep defying me. Let them learn their lessons from the elder who won’t learn to adapt.” Ashton instructed as he made his way down the halls. Michael vanished as Ashton reached the interrogation rooms.

“Sir.” The demon was a younger one in looks, but she’d been around about a century longer than Ashton.

“Sal. He's still not giving up names?” She shook her head.

“We caught one name. Talisia. I’ve got one of the older agents running her down now.” He nodded before snapping his fingers and chains wrapped themselves around the unwilling demon. The noise of protest was cut off by the chains tightening.

Sal looked at Ashton with a raised eyebrow.

“They’ve gotta learn.” He shrugged as he dragged the prisoner out, heading from the buildings to the pit that lay just outside of the palace.

Demons began to curiously gather as he dragged the chained up demon through the streets. More gathered as he kicked the demon into the pit, the chains unwinding from the demon.

Ashton held his stance, casual and collected. Michael pulled up on the other side as he felt Sal watch his back.

“Someone who cannot change is someone to be made an example of.” He called over to the gathered demons. They fell silent.

“This is just how he treats anyone who disagrees with him.” Mallory called to the crowd and a whisper of unrest rushed through the gathered.

Ashton snorted.

“We all knew a new Queen would be ruling. You are apart of the group that tried to murder her and one of her coven sisters ten years ago and escaped justice. The last ten years has been making sure that whilst you may disagree with a hybrid Queen, you can see she’s capable.” Ashton called out earning mutters of agreement.

“She will be weak willed like the new brats that you recruit.” This time mutters from Michael’s group were loud and he turned in shock. “They are trying to fool you!”

A laugh rang out from that side and a small female stepped forward, face in a vicious snarl.

“You just called us weak willed brats did you not? You tried to brainwash us into believing that a new queen would be terrible but failed to mention you attempted to murder her long before we arrived.” She glanced up at Ashton who nodded.

“If I was a merciful man, I’d let her roast you until you are nothing but dust. But I am not merciful and I am not a man.” Demons fell silent as his body shifted, cracks running through his skin as he snarled and the pits opened.

Hell hounds rushed around their newest meal and wasted no time in tears pieces off, his screams echoing around until they faded to gurgles before falling silent.

“Take your quarrels with our new queen to the ones that have been trying to teach you the last decade. They will tell you what happened with her hybrid sister and what she did to the demon who tried to murder her mate.” He snarled before he disappeared back to the offices.

Ashton knew that he was going to get complaints from the older lot, but he was in no mood to deal with petty demons who could not adapt to change. If they were going to rule efficiently, then they needed to learn to adapt efficiently.

He headed back up, trying to grip his temper, but he was walking back into a volatile situation. He was angry on his angel’s behalf, knowing that they were thrown because of him.

It burned him that they were so wounded for so many years.

He sought out Gem who was waiting, a cup of tea sat on the arm of the chair, expecting.

“I’ve imbued the room in soundproof spells for you. Let it out, Ashton.” Her kind tone seemed to set off the temper and his anger flooded, skin cracking as he let out such a snarl that would’ve frightened any sensible witch.

Gem remained in place as he got up and paced, his hair crackling with power as his skin cracked further, blood red veins running down his face as he finally hurled the tea cup, the porcelain shattering against the wall.

Gem merely waved her hand and more pieces of fine china stacked themselves on the table closest to him and he threw every single piece, his fury and frustration reducing some of the pieces to nothing more than dust.

He was so angry that he couldn’t think straight, mind splintering. Part of him was stuck on the anger towards the underworld, the new demons that defied him as well as Roe. And the other part was stuck on his anger towards the high heavens for hurting his angel. His mate.

It took the better part of an hour before his anger finally began to recede enough that his skin returned to normal but it felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. The sensation was strange and he could feel moisture in his eyes and he finally understood as Gem stood up, her arms wrapping around his shoulders.

For the first time since he’d died, he was crying.

It took longer than he’d thought, another forty minutes, before he stopped crying, the heavy breathing slowing down until his tears were gone and his chest wasn’t burning from trying to take in oxygen.

Gem had another cup of tea waiting and once he was sitting back in the armchair, she got down to business.

“Now that you’re less likely to murder one of my coven should they look at you wrong, are you ready to tell me what happened? Tell me about the defiant and I’ll tell you what we found with your Angel.”

This made Ashton pause before his eyes narrowed on the witch.

“You’d have made a better demon.” He finally muttered darkly, taking another sip of tea. She dimpled at him before sitting back and letting him take the lead of the conversation.

He told her about the defiant demons, what he did to the traitor they found. He didn’t hide the violence from Gem and she didn’t flinch away. He felt his chest feel strangely lighter and when he said so, she smirked.

“You boys might think you’re soulless, but you’re not. You need to share the burdens that you all carry. It might not be a typical burden that weighs you down, I know that death means nothing to you. But the ones that have been defying you, it’s making you question your choices. That’s where your burden lies.”

“Maybe a better therapist than demon.” He finally conceded and she laughed.

“Would you like to know about the curses?” This had his immediate attention, tea long since abandoned.

“How did you figure it out?”

“They used your blood. The curse is specifically tied to you. It’s a long forgotten curse that will burn them when you initiate the bond.” He felt his stomach turn.

“But our bond initiates from touch does it not?” And Gem shook her head.

“It’s different for you two. You’ve been bonded before but it broke with your death, correct?” He nodded. “You need to be physically intimate with them for the bond to reassert itself.”

“Is there a counter?” Gem visibly brightened.

“There is. The only problem is that we need to get a hold of a faerie. And they’re tricky little blighters that don’t do anything unless there’s something in it for them.” And Ashton could feel his hopes sink to the pit of his stomach.

Faeries were notoriously tricky to deal with and unless there was something in the deal that benefitted them, they wouldn’t help. And he couldn’t see how a faerie would benefit from his mate being freed from the curse.

“I’ll see if I can call in a favour. Faeries might be fickle, but they honour debts between magical races. Go see your angel and I’ll get in contact.” Gem ushered him from the room and with a sigh he made his way upstairs, his feet feeling like lead as he got closer to the room.

As he pushed open the door and their face lit up upon seeing him, and despite the dashed hope, he felt warm and a sense of comfort as the heaviness lifted as he took a seat, his hand slipping into theirs.

He could deal with this.

—

Gem had put in many calls, but none were being answered. It was like they knew the favour she was going to ask.

When Michael had shown up to check in, Ashton was yet to leave the angels' side, and so Gem caught him, making him pause.

“It’s better that he stays with them for now. I, however, need a perspective of a demon.” This pulled Michael up short.

Although he wasn’t a frequent visitor with Gem, he didn’t realise that she was comfortable enough to ask a favour, or at least ask for his advice.

“I’m curious.” She snorted at his words and tilted her head to what had been dubbed as her sitting room. Michael followed quietly, his eyes glancing to the grand staircase before ducking into the room.

The door slammed shut behind him, making him raise an eyebrow as he took the offered seat.

“I wish I could use the term ‘curiosity killed the cat’, but you’d be quick to be a smartass back.” The older witch muttered. Michael grinned.

“Absolutely. So what do you need me for that you couldn’t drag one of my elusive brothers out for?” He sat back in the chair, his elbow leaning on the arm rest as his head rested against his fingers. Gem rolled her eyes.

“The Fae are notoriously fickle. I have favours to call in but I know they won’t do it without some kind of reward. How can I put it in a way that they’ll be helping another species without actually gaining something in return?”

“Just promise you won’t murder them. Usually does the trick.” Gem stared at him, her lips parted in shock at his words and brash attitude that came with them.

Only when his lips began to twitch did she realise he was teasing her.

“Michael!” Her tone was flustered as she set her cup down.

He laughed.

“When it comes to a demon, you do need to promise that you won’t kill them. I wasn’t necessarily joking but they’ll be more inclined to listen if they know that their life isn’t on the line.” Gem just sighed.

“Any other wise ideas from you?” The dry tone made Michael snort.

“Just go with your standard offerings. They’re selfish creatures so if the gifts are for them along with the promise of their life, there’s going to be at least one who will answer your call.”

Gem could see where Michael was coming from and for a moment she wondered if that would be enough to encourage the fae to listen to their requests.

“I’ll try them once more but if they don’t work, we’re going to need a different way to get their help because they’ve been ignoring all of my other offerings.” Gem commented to Michael quietly. This made the demon pause in his movements.

“This is for the Angel that’s Ashton’s mate, correct?” Gem nodded and he sighed. “Let me deal with them, then. That way, we’re being upfront that a demon is involved and they may just respond to the plea.” Gem looked stunned for a moment before a bright smile crossed her features.

“Thank you Michael.”

“You’ve kept my brothers and I alive for the better part of a decade. Allowed us to reside in your home and still use that protection. It’s the least I can do for you. Where’s the fae mound?”

The following morning, Michael strolled in with a smug grin on his lips, and then glanced back to the door.

Gem nearly dropped her tea as the being she had been so desperate for stepped into the house. She held an air about her that seemed to demand her attention, the dark braids hanging over one shoulder, her eyes staring at Gem as the older witch studied the darker skinned being that had finally taken up her offerings and she couldn’t stop herself as she grabbed the back of the chair for support.

“You know what’s expected, what we need?”

“I do this as a favour to my mate.” Her words were smooth like honey and Gem felt her jaw dropped, staring at Michael in shock.

“Michael?”

“She’s my mate. When they sensed my presence, they sent her to deal with me. Neither of us anticipated the bond, but we didn’t deny it either.”

“And your council?” Gem asked hesitantly, curiosity tinging her tone.

“They accept the bond but will not welcome me back. So I asked them for one last favour for myself and my mate.” Gem felt the relief flood through her veins as she stepped forward, clasping her hands around the faerie’s, ignoring the look of shock at her touch.

“I cannot begin to tell you how much this means, for all of us. These four demons, it was difficult at first a decade ago, but they’re family, and to see one hurting, it’s difficult for all of us now.”

Michael scoffed and Gem gave him a wry smile.

“They learned their lessons long ago, you know that. We will proceed with the ritual on the next full moon if that is acceptable for you?” She returned her attention to the faerie whom she had yet to let go of.

“Perfectly acceptable.”

“Wonderful. What’s your name, dear?”

The faerie seemed to hesitate, glancing to Michael first before offering the older witch a kind smile.

“They called me Adana.”

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if you’ve been taken off the taglist, it’s because i couldn’t tag you! if you want to be added/re-added/removed from the taglist just drop me a message!!

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rpgsandbox · 4 years ago

Link

Wanderhome is a pastoral fantasy Role-Playing Game about traveling animal-folk, the world they inhabit, and the way the seasons change. It is a game filled with grassy fields, mossy shrines, herds of chubby bumblebees, opossums in sundresses, salamanders with suspenders, starry night skies, and the most beautiful sunsets you can imagine. You might be a tamarin who dances with small and forgotten gods, a leporine mail carrier who relies on moths to get packages where they belong, a little lizard with a big heart and a mysterious past, or a near-endless number of other thrilling possibilities. No matter what, we’re always travelers—animal-folk who go from village to village and get to see the length and breadth of all the world of Hæth. The seasons will change as we play, and we will change with them. But I can’t tell you all that will happen on our journey together, along the winding dirt road and amid the grassy fields. We’re just going to have to find that out together.

Will you join me?

Wanderhome makes use of a unique game system inspired by the No Dice, No Masters engine, developed by Avery Alder and Benjamin Rosenbaum for Dream Askew and Dream Apart. Each player will make a character with the help of one of fifteen possible playbooks, making choices about their personality, animal-form, look, and passions. Each of these playbooks give you a radically different approach both to navigating the setting and growing over time. From the carefree Ragamuffin to the introverted Poet, from the Guardian and their young ward to the lonely Exile, from the cheerful Dancer to the moody Veteran, there is plenty of space in Wanderhome to imagine every possible world that lives in your heart.

Once you’ve created your character, you and your fellow travelers guide them through the dreamlike pastoral world of Hæth. There are no dice in Wanderhome. Instead, you can inconvenience yourself or step outside your comfort zone in order to get tokens, and then turn around and spend those tokens to tackle larger problems and help make the world a better, kinder space.

Quote from Vincent and Elliot Baker of Lumpley Games

Quote from Samuel Mui Shen Ern, Babblegumsam

As you arrive at each new place, you’ll build it together using a combination of thirty-six distinct natures, including farms, fields, lakes, ports, glens, and towers, among many, many more. Each nature gives you the tools you need to imagine and articulate both the literal and metaphorical aspects of the place you find yourself in. These places have kith, ordinary people living ordinary lives, navigating a world that is both peaceful and difficult in its own ways. Each kith is made out of traits that range from crafty and adventurous to many-faced and oracular. These traits give kith things they can do to define their personality, articulate the problems in their life, and push the journey forward (for good or for ill.) Sometimes you’ll be able to help the kith with their problems, but more often than not you’ll just spend time with them and learn more about the world.

Wanderhome is structured with an emphasis on safety and care, built on my own work designing safety mechanics and constructing alternate safety approaches beyond the industry standards. It features a bespoke set of safety mechanics built around empowering players to guide the story however they want, which are used consistently throughout the game. It is also designed to collaboratively set the tone and articulate a version of Hæth that's perfect for your group.

Wanderhome is a GM-agnostic game–while you can play with a Guide facilitating the world, you can also approach it without anyone in charge, where everyone takes equal part in the collaborative conversation. And while you can play Wanderhome in as little as 3-4 hours, the longer you stay with Wanderhome the more the world will grow with you. The months will pass over time and as each season concludes you’ll get to make new choices about your character, advancing them in new directions and helping them grow in ways you didn’t think was possible. If you play long enough, eventually your characters will retire or grow apart, and the journey will continue with brand-new travelers and a vast world ahead of you.

The free playkit is available on Itch now! (Art by Letty Wilson)

Wanderhome is set in the wholly-original fantasy world of Hæth, inspired by the works of Brian Jacques, Tove Jansson, and Hayao Miyazaki. The game hints at and builds a mythological language around forces like the bitter King of the Floating Mountain, the Lily Rebellion, the Slobbering God and the blade that killed her, and the fall of the great dragons of old, but refuses to elaborate or define them—leaving that exercise to the players through the journey itself. Instead, Wanderhome is focused on the lives of ordinary people, and the world that exists for farmers, merchants, and crafts-folk.

Wanderhome is a world filled with animal-folk and their buggy livestock. Unlike many worlds with animal-folk, there is no morality or judgement ascribed to the various animals of Hæth—a snake is just as capable of being a kindly farmer as a rabbit, and you can’t assume much about someone based on what animal they are. You might find a fluffy shepherd with a herd of bumblebees, a shrewish merchant riding a stag beetle the size of a house, a lonely fox riding a grasshopper from place to place, or a praying mantis that hangs out in a gecko’s pocket.

Quote from Avery Alder, Buried Without Ceremony (Art by Jennie Lindberg)

Wanderhome also features an original calendar of new months and seasons, with its own cycle of holidays and traditions. From flowery Bloommeadow to brisk Firetop to snug and quiet Snowblanket, each month is both rooted in potentially familiar natural cycles but with a unique twist. Each place you travel to has a different expression of the seasons in it - no matter how many times you travel through the year, it will always feel different. If you play Wanderhome long enough, you might even encounter unique phenomena that create a new twist on the calendar.

The Hæth is a world full of queer love, hope, happiness, and community. It is a land that was once ravaged by violence, but is putting itself back together again. Wanderhome dares to imagine a better world, one where money and power are distant stories from a bygone age, and we can learn to begin the process of healing.

Thumbnails by Danny Kyobe and Jo Thierolf

Mockups of the Book (design not final)

Kickstarter campaign ends: Thu, September 3 2020 1:25 PM BST

Website: [Jay Dragon] [twitter] [patreon] [itch]

#RPG #kickstarter #Wanderhome #Jay Dragon

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extraordinarilyextreme · 4 years ago

Text

the twins (and Zhao Yunlan)

Warning: spoilers for the drama adaptation of Guardian (2018), some references to the novel, more mediocre translations between Chinese and English, some psychoanalysis, and more music analysis

first, props to the kings that are Zhu Yilong and Bai Yu for such astounding portrayals of their characters! the fact that Zhu Yilong has to shift between two characters—one of whom is in love with Yunlan and the other who thrives on hatred—is just... wow. and Bai Yu? like speaking from Yunlan’s perspective, imagine someone who wears the same face as your lover but holds all the wrong beliefs, all the contradicting beliefs, how heartbreaking that must be :(

the twins certainly break my heart (broke and continue to shatter relentlessly, which means i need to read more fix-it fics) because there’s just so much potential for them both??? this is why i’m such a sucker for fics where the twins work together (i.e., they share the burden of the Black Cloaked Envoy); they are equals, they should have been equals. they lost their parents at a young age; it was literally just the two of them against the world, and then the writers had the audacity to tear them apart and not just tear them apart, but make them enemies smh

(i just want me some brotherly teasing and shenanigans, is that so much to ask for? i want the twins to look out for each other but also irritate each other to no end, but they’d also never think twice about protecting each other)

anyway. right. equals. in the novel, these two are born as twin ghost kings with the same powers and same level in powers [if i’m not mistaken], but it was ultimately only Xiao Wei who caught the attention of the god Kun Lun. the drama mimics this as well with the powers the two Dixingren have: Shen Wei can learn other Dixingren’s powers, Ye Zun can consume other Dixingren and thus use their powers. their abilities are probably purposefully meant to be quite similar; this is just one of many instances where the twins, when stripped of all context, are virtually identical. but when you add in context, then the difference is of course that Ye Zun devours for himself whereas Shen Wei learns more in order to protect others.

let’s look at how the way they interact with others provides more insight into their fundamental motivations. Professor Shen is polite, gentle, kind; Shen Wei has a near-obsession with the way he looks after Yunlan and the rest of the kids at the SID. (think about how after Ye Zun “devoured” Shen Wei and Shen Wei was mortally wounded when he saw Lin Jing... and his first instinct was to smile to provide reassurance and say how happy Yunlan would be if he knew Lin Jing hadn’t died.) Shen Wei lives to give and provide; he shares his life force with Yunlan to heal his eyesight, he does everything in his power to maintain the peace between Dixing and Haixing, he wants to uphold this hard-won peace because he knows what it’s like to lose everything, and he knows the cost of this peace and the treaty in place. his self-esteem is shot to hell—look at how many damn times he tries to sacrifice himself because he thinks he’s dispensable, because he believes this is all he’s good for. Shen Wei believes he HAS to provide for the people around them in order for them to stay. after all... wasn’t it his own fault, because he was too powerless, because he couldn’t do more, because he couldn’t give more, that he lost his younger brother and he lost Kun Lun?

now let’s shift gears to Ye Zun. Ye Zun focuses a lot on the desires of others in order to manipulate them (i.e., he asks Chief Zhao what he wants in one of the latter episodes, so that they may work together instead and is infuriated by the idea of a man who does not want anything). first, why this tactic? Ye Zun was captured by the Rebel Chieftain; his powers hadn’t awoken yet, so the only way he could be useful, could stay alive, was by pleasing the Chieftain. Ye Zun similarly feels he has to provide and again, like his brother, lives to provide and deliver. see? stripped of all context, both twins believe they need to give the people around them what they want in order to have meaning/live. second, in addition, Ye Zun knows first-hand what it’s like to be controlled and manipulated by others; he knows precisely what it feels like to have his mind, his thoughts, his feelings violated by someone else. it helps (?) that he also freaking devoured the Chieftain so that Ye Zun can literally use that mind control ability. he focuses on desires because he understands, perhaps too much, just how effective this manipulation tactic is.

what about the way they talk? (another shoutout to Zhu Yilong for his phenomenal delivery of their lines again! i dont think i can credit a VA because, if i’m not misremembering, this show didn’t use much dubbing if at all, at least for two leads) Shen Wei is rather soft-spoken, patient, quiet and Ye Zun... Ye Zun is the same. Ye Zun usually does his whisper-rasp thing which 1) makes me incredibly anxious 2) might be because he’s been trapped in a pillar for 10 thousand years and hasn’t exactly had a corporeal body with tangible vocal cords to use 3) more importantly, sounds placating. Ye Zun speaks to tantalize because he seeks to manipulate. but why else would he want to placate? he grew up as a slave; it’s been ingrained in him that he shouldn’t raise his voice, it’s a survival tactic to not piss off his enemies/people with more power. Shen Wei also speaks to placate, but he speaks with no ulterior motive; if he approaches a spooked animal, he wants to help it. if Ye Zun approaches a spooked animal, he wants to ruin it.

but wait, neither of them are always so placid you say, and well, of course, and Ye Zun definitely isn’t always so calm. Ye Zun has outbursts of excitement, anger (and you’ll find that the pissed off Envoy sounds very similar...); despite the mask he wears, Ye Zun is very childish. he wears his heart on his sleeve so to speak; he smiles when he’s delighted, frowns when he’s disappointed. he’s often more expressive than his brother even though Ye Zun tends to be the one who wears the literal mask when they appear in the same scenes. he never really grew up “normally” so to speak, which is why he’s so fucking furious that Shen Wei shared his life force with Yunlan. yet another grievance from the older brother! “it’s too boring!” Ye Zun complains, now that his brother is weakened and they aren’t equals anymore; it’s too boring, this game is too boring. Ye Zun is a child.

let’s also consider Ye Zun’s obsession with power. he went from slave to leader of the Rebels in a blink of an eye; what kind of freaking backlash must that have had on his psychological state? he’s hungry for power because it’s all he knows. “i am the master, you are the slave,” he taunts Shen Wei. “where is home? i’ve had no home since the day you abandoned me,” he tells Shen Wei.

“i’m your older brother,” Shen Wei reminds Ye Zun. “i never abandoned you,” Shen Wei explains softly to Ye Zun. if all Ye Zun knows is power (think survival of the fittest), then Shen Wei falls back on family, on love. he lost his blood family young, but then Kun Lun fell into his life and lit up his entire world. the Envoy protects his own people and Haixingren best as he can. Professor Shen has his students to look after. Shen Wei has Yunlan and the family at SID. Shen Wei didn’t grow up “normally” either, but he certainly grew up in a kinder world, and he definitely at least grew up knowing what it felt like to be loved.

Ye Zun: “I want to reform this world [...] This world is filthy.”

Ye Zun wants to destroy the world and recreate it; the “system” failed him. Shen Wei wants to protect the world by improving it; he knows the “system” isn’t perfect, but he also knows there are people living in the status quo and he has no right to strip them of that. Ye Zun sees the way his brother abandoned him, the way he himself was forced to survive; Shen Wei sees all the people he loves and needs to continue to protect.

now let’s turn to the respective relationships of the twins with Zhao Yunlan. i think i’ve mentioned this in my previous Guardian analysis textpost but one of the best things about WeiLan imo is that they’re both so fundamentally good. their ideals to uphold the peace and protect not just the people they love, but all people in need of protecting, are perfectly aligned. (this is also why i like WangXian from mdzs/the untamed)

Ye Zun, interestingly, comments that he and Yunlan are the same kind of person—someone who would stop at nothing for their goals. if Yunlan and Shen Wei match, then the younger twin is right. think of the Envoy’s solemn declaration that even the mountains would not stand in the way of him upholding his promise. WeiLan literally lose their lives for their shared goals.

Ye Zun also mocks his brother that Shen Wei will be just like him, alone. but this condemnation doesn’t stem from the younger twin; the root of this lies with Kun Lun. i didn’t get why in the novel Kun Lun supposes it might have been better to kill Shen Wei at first... it’s because Kun Lun condemns him to thousands of years of loneliness both in drama and in novel. in the drama, when young Shen Wei brings up a what-if, Kun Lun (Yunlan) interrupts him and tells him that Shen Wei would still make this same choice, would still bear this same heavy burden. it is a condemnation, but it is also further proof of this understanding that ties WeiLan together. it is a condemnation, and yet it completes the string of fate and their infinite, cyclical love story.

Kun Lun (Yunlan) asks Shen Wei to forgive him if he has to disappear without warning one day. ten thousand years later, Shen Wei leads his little brother away, sparing just a few minutes to smile at Yunlan and return that lollipop wrapper to him. Shen Wei then walks away because he has complete faith that Yunlan will not blame him or curse him for it, no matter how heartbroken he will be. Shen Wei could forgive Kun Lun; Yunlan easily forgives Shen Wei.

(there’s also the parallel of betting between the twins. Ye Zun bets Yunlan on who will die first—the people Yunlan wants to protect, or Ye Zun. Shen Wei bets on whether or not he and Yunlan will find each other again. the younger twin bets with hatred and on death, the older bets with love and on life.)

i’ve said before that Yunlan brings out the human in Shen Wei. Yunlan brings out the human because they inspire love in each other; they are in love with each other. but Ye Zun, the dear little brother, also brings out the human in Shen Wei because this is truly the only blood family he has left.

the last time we see Shen Wei’s glasses is before Ye Zun tortures his older brother; Shen Wei from then on is simply Shen Wei, no Professor, no Envoy. when he stands before them all, he is Ye Zun’s older brother, and he is Zhao Yunlan’s lover. when he blocks the blow, his theme begins to play—melancholic, calm, steady. his choice to protect Yunlan is fundamentally Shen Wei. ten thousand years prior, when the Envoy breaks the mask of the new leader of the Rebels, Shen Wei’s theme also plays. his little brother has been returned to him; Shen Wei is complete. his theme plays a final time when Shen Wei explains he never abandoned Ye Zun because again, his twin Ye Zun—like his lover Zhao Yunlan—completes Shen Wei as a character. Shen Wei is a character built entirely from love, from family. when he appears as a spirit to bring Ye Zun home, to offer family, Shen Wei is wearing the Envoy’s outfit of ten thousand years ago. the twins also complete a circle; the story begins with their wrongful separation, the story ends with their bittersweet reunion.

let’s continue with this music analysis! the Black Cloaked Envoy’s theme is 《万年不负》or “Have Not Failed/Disappointed for Ten Thousand Years”. he upholds his promise to Kun Lun/Yunlan to protect the peace between Haixing and Dixing for ten thousand years in the drama and five thousand years in the novel (he also protects the Great Seal in the novel that Kun Lun protected). Ye Zun’s theme is 《染灵》or “Dyed/Tainted Spirit”. Think about how dirty he believes this world to be, and how he proclaims “10 thousand years have passed. I can finally wipe off my disgrace!” (also how he’s a ghost king/hungry ghost in the novel from the Unclean Realm/Hell).

Here’s a quote from the novel: “我连魂魄都是黑的，唯独心尖上一点干干净��地放着你，血还是红的，用它护着你，我愿意。”

[Even my soul is black, only my heart where I’ve placed you is clean; there my blood is red, I’m willing to use it to protect you.]

i dont really remember the context of this quote but i think it’s the novel equivalent of where Shen Wei cuts his wrist for Yunlan. anyway it parallels the drama quote where Shen Wei says something like “my eyes are black, my hair is black, even my soul is black... but my blood is red.” it’s just another callback to the novel i think, that the twins are in fact twin ghost kings from the Unclean Realm. (and Kun Lun is a god. thinking about Xiao Wei curbing his bloodlust to become worthy of a god’s love and attention always makes me sob)

both pieces are commanding, lots of brass, but the Envoy’s is a quiet kind of commanding. an unnoticed protector, hovering just out of focus; perhaps a touch unsettling that he’s always there, but also a relief that his presence is a reliable constant. (think of when the SID first summons the envoy and he kind of melts out of the smoke like an unobtrusive shadow) Ye Zun’s is much louder; you cannot miss him, you will witness his triumph. consider how Ye Zun wears a gold mask and a white outfit, as if he were in the spotlight; the Envoy wears all black with only hints of silver. (perhaps the younger twin desperately wanted out from his brother’s long shadow.)

the scene at the Dixing bar near the end when Yunlan retrieves the lantern. Ye Zun, dressed as the Envoy, enters and wow for a moment you can see all the hope and love in Yunlan’s face ;-; it’s Ye Zun’s theme that accompanies this false Envoy... and it almost lulls you into a false sense of victory. but it’s not the victory that Shen Wei has returned; it’s Ye Zun’s victory that he’s, in a sense, taken over/overpowered and “dethroned” his brother at last. (huge props to Bai Yu again; god i can’t even imagine... the love of your life dying to protect you but wait here he is but no it’s your worst enemy but they share the same face UGH)

the piece that plays when Kun Lun is sucked back by the wormhole is 《诀焰》or “Farewell Flame”. i think it also plays when he’s gonna sacrifice himself to light the Lantern. it sounds triumphant... but at what cost?

and the final piece i want to mention here is 《默守》or “Silently Guarding” and it’s kind of a rearrangement of WeiLan’s theme of 《时间飞行》or “Flying Across Time”. it plays when Shen Wei leaves his amber pendant behind for Yunlan to open. i always assumed this piece was from Shen Wei’s perspective but thinking again... this pendant, this lollipop wrapper, this memory of Kun Lun are what has kept Shen Wei going for so long. Zhao Yunlan is the one who has protected Shen Wei for so long. they will always protect each other. their love is a fated one.

anyway, listen to the soundtrack! rewatch and cry! if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading~

#镇魂 guardian #guardian #zhenhun #cdrama ramblings

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bellamyblakru · 4 years ago

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“I have you, it’s okay.” + Merthur 💛 also omg I'm so glad you want to get into writing I can't wait to read it!

thank you so much🥺, you guys have been too kind😭😭 im so excited!! i really love writing, but i learned from that first one that it’s exhausting 😂 gah i love merthur, lets do this (also, the knights are all alive bc i love them//shade lancelot did happen but merlin brought him back for good good) ALSO, this drabble really ran for more than i was actually going for lmfao im sorry its so long

Merlin didn’t know how he wanted Arthur to find out about his magic. Most of Merlin’s recurring nightmares consist of the possibility that Arthur will react the wrong way. After all these years, Merlin dying on the pyre wouldn’t be the worst situation. What Merlin truly dreaded the most was the inevitable betrayal that he would see in Arthur’s eyes, the look he gets when someone he loves hurts him in the most personal way. The look where Arthur thinks he is the problem, not those betraying him. Agravaine, Morgana, Gwen, and even shade-Lancelot made Arthur vulnerable enough for him to love them just to be stabbed in the back one way or another because of it. Arthur blames himself when his people turn their backs on him, and Merlin refuses to get that look from Arthur.

Killing Merlin, as horrible as it sounds, would probably be kinder. Merlin cares more for Arthur than words could describe. It wasn’t because of prophecy, or because Arthur was a good person and an even better King, it was because Merlin loves Arthur. It is as simple as that. Merlin loves the way Arthur smirks when bantering, the way he smiles when he is helping someone in need, the way he fights for his people, the way he never gives up hope no matter what happens or who they face, the way his eyes light up when sparring with his knights. Imagining Arthur shutting him out, away from his light, was a staggering enough thought that kept Merlin quiet.

At first, it was because of Uther. Merlin wouldn’t make Arthur pick between them, even if Merlin always thought that Arthur would always pick Uther. Then it was Morgana, then it was every little excuse that allowed Merlin to push back the truth further behind his happy facade. Arthur expressed his hatred of magic enough to let Merlin understand that he wouldn’t be accepted...even if Merlin was magic itself.

There has never been a person more devoted to another human than Merlin to Arthur. Without one, there was no other. The castle knew this, as did the knights. Gwaine and Lancelot would tease him relentlessly about his love for Arthur, but even they did not know the half of his dedication to the Once and Future King.

Merlin is the most powerful warlock to ever walk to earth, and he was terrified to tell his best friend his two deepest secrets. The warlock part, of course, and the part where Merlin’s entire existence was to serve, protect, and love Arthur to his dying breath. Merlin believes that Arthur might have an inkling that Merlin is truly in love with him, but Arthur never let too much show between them if he does know. Servant and King. The one born because of magic and the one born made of magic. Two sides, one coin (if the large reptile had a say in this). They were like the sun and the moon, destined to rotate but not touch. Arthur was Merlin’s sun, his light, his hopes, his destiny.

Today was hunting day for Arthur, which meant Merlin pretended to grumble the whole morning about spending time with the knights and the king simply so he could see Arthur’s eyes light up with that playful glow. The Knights of the Roundtable were with them today, to Merlin’s delight. Gwaine and Lancelot were finally getting closer to each other through Merlin, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic about it. They were the closest to brothers he ever had, and he was so grateful to have them in his life. Lancelot was welcomed back after the whole scandal since Morgana was outed, but Gwen decided to permanently end things with Arthur. Merlin was upset they weren’t together anymore, but Arthur did not seem too distraught about the news. Arthur probably sees the way Lancelot looks at Gwen and figured he couldn’t compete with that love, which made Merlin’s heart clench painfully.

Merlin was riding beside Arthur when the unimaginable happened. The forest was quiet in the way that made Merlin’s magic crawl, but no one seemed concerned with his fears. Merlin knew better. Right before the army ambushed, Merlin simply looked at Arthur. Arthur looked like he was bathing in sunlight, with a golden halo and his sparking sword hanging by his side, laughing at something Gwaine was talking about. Merlin’s life was Arthur’s well-being, and if it meant Arthur hated him for the rest of his life, then so be it.

The minute they entered the clearing, the laughter died. The knights reacted immediately with their King leading the way, swinging off their horses and preparing for battle. The army wasn’t too big, but it was Morgana’s—meaning magic users of different degrees everywhere. Her army did not look impressive, but the true power was in the hidden fact that each one of her soldiers wielded some magic. Merlin could feel it in the air. He could almost taste the potential power these people had, and he knew today was the day he has been dreading since he realized his love for Arthur.

Today was the day of Merlin’s betrayal—but it was the only choice. Arthur’s safety goes beyond what Merlin wanted..it always would, no matter how this ended.

Merlin didn’t waste any more time. He spelled the knights and his king to the ground with one look, saw the shocked expressions on different faces (he didn’t dare look at Arthur yet), but he did not let himself ponder them for too long. He thought up a shield then, putting those he loved in a bright, golden bubble of protection. Knowing they were safe allowed Merlin to relax for a second before turning his attention to the problem coming at him. He counted thirty sorcerers, with Morgana leading the charge. He took a second to truly look at Morgana. Her hair was matted, her clothing ripped, her eyes were darkened by the nightmares she is no doubt plagued with. He felt such pity and sorrow at that moment, a feeling so intense that time itself stopped around him.

He walked up to Morgana, whose eyes were frozen gold with fury. He saw Aithusa in the back, and allowed time to continue for her alone. He spoke quietly to her, telling her how he is sorry for letting her stray so far and how he wasn’t there for her when she needed him the most. Aithusa, although weary, came closer to Merlin and let him pet her nose. Through the connection, she could see why Merlin wasn’t there for her, or more precisely, who Merlin had to protect above everyone and everything else. Aithusa, by command of Merlin, left then to Kilgharrah who would see to her recovery. Feeling better that his kin would be seen to after this, he focused his attention back to Morgana.

He then unfroze her. She, unexpectedly freed, fell to the ground. She was petrified, Merlin could tell. Her destiny, her doom. He was who she feared at night, who kept her awake after the nightmares, the one who poisoned her for the love of Camelot. Morgana was many things, but a coward is not one of them. She stood her ground, as regally as one can manage after falling, and looked Merlin in the eyes. What she wasn’t expecting was the pain she saw, for her. She started, not understanding his emotion. Quickly, too quickly for anyone to comprehend, Merlin grabbed both sides of her face and chanted with such sadness and despair. He pleaded to the earth’s magic to take her powers, and to use them for good, to help those in need. The earth responded kindly to his request, and it did what was asked of it. Morgana quickly fell asleep in Merlin’s arms, while Merlin was slowly crying over his lost, hurting friend.

Time unfroze. The army halted, seeing Morgana’s magic flowing into the earth, and decided that a retreat would be more beneficial than attacking Emrys. Merlin could feel the magic leave Morgana, leaving behind a broken girl who’s heart has been hurt too many times to be fair. She deserves another chance, Merlin pleaded once more, and with that thought, the earth healed her enough to be able to live without her powers. She will live, the ground whispered to Merlin, and he tried to choke back a sob. Arthur could have another chance with his sister, and Gwen could finally have her best friend back—if Morgana wished, of course. Gwaine came behind Merlin and slowly peeled her away from him. Merlin staggered up, never using that much raw power before in his life, and started swaying.

“I have you, it’s okay,” Merlin thought he heard Arthur quaver to him. Strong arms picked him up, and although Merlin was slowly fading, he swore he saw an angel lift him up, crying about how much Merlin meant to him. He passed out before he could make sense of it.

What isn’t said here is the simple fact that Arthur loves Merlin. Arthur loves the way Merlin smiles when he knows he is being sassy, the way his nose crinkles when he disagrees with something Arthur has said, the way Merlin’s eyes look when he says something abnormally wise to Arthur. Arthur is who he is because Merlin believes in him and magic isn’t going to throw it away. Arthur may not understand what just happened, but it wasn’t destructive, or cruel, or evil. It was pure, beautiful magic that only aimed to save the people around it—and wasn’t that who Merlin was at the end of the day? The magic felt like home, like love, so like Merlin that Arthur’s breath caught in his throat.

He didn’t feel betrayed, surprisingly. He was hurt that Merlin couldn’t trust something so vital, so beautiful about himself because Arthur’s father was a tyrant and drilled something so wrong into Arthur’s mind. But never again will Arthur be swayed by his father’s ghost. Merlin saved him, probably more times than he could count as he continues looking back on their adventures.

Arthur loves Merlin as much as Merlin loves Arthur, so he knows that no matter what happens after today, that fact will never change.

#merthur drabble #this was really fun to write #bamf merlin is MY KING #thank you for sending a prompt!!!#you are a queen my friend #sentence starter #i hope this is okay #its late here and i did it in one sitting #merthur #ashley writes

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makingitupaswego · 4 years ago

Note

i am very basic so im a dean girl but i would very much like to hear your argument for being a sam girl, perhaps i can be radicalized

first off being a dean girl is NOT basic it is actually the more sane option and i respect you for making the right choice. second of all you’ve opened an entire can of worms and i’m about to write a gotdam essay

a lot of my love for sam comes from being a crazy 15 year old while watching the early seasons because i’ve always enjoyed watching characters who seem sweet and nice go crazy and just barrel headfirst into moral ambiguity. i think it’s sexy of them and i think more characters should do it. however i think the main reason i’m STILL a sam girl is i really loved watching sam try to navigate his guilt and trauma after all of that, and that overcoming what happened to him is so core to every single thing he does from like, season 6 onward. season 7 is the most obviously about this, but it’s also in him taking on the trials in an attempt to purify himself in s8, in his inability to forgive dean for letting gadreel in in s9, in him having to face lucifer again and again (even though it often wasnt handled well) and each time shrinking, flinching, ending up on his knees, pressing himself against walls, but ultimately standing up to him every single time, in him being the first to reach out to jack the moment he saw jack struggling with the exact same fear of his own powers and the idea that he might be inherently evil and raising jack out of that idea into the pure hope and kindness that both jack AND sam embody by the end of the series. and beyond that it’s in him refusing to cut his hair until season 9 it’s in him watching the food he puts in his body it’s in him hoping and praying to god until season 11 because he needs there to be a greater power in all of this who still believes in him. EVERYTHING that exists within sam winchester post-5 is about trauma and the way it brings him down so effortlessly between s7-8 and the very slow process of healing from it from that point on (ironically started only after dean said yes to gadreel for him and sam realized he was worth more than that)

and at the end of it all he’s kinder and gentler than he ever was at the beginning. in s1-4 he was focused so completely on himself, on his own anger and mission until all of that came back to bite him, and the guilt from all of that tied itself to everything he suffered in hell in his mind to the point where he was so ready to throw himself away at the end of s8, and then, somehow, at the end of everything, he is composed of light and heart and warmth. he is the first one to teach jack compassion after his mother. he is the sole source of optimism in so much of s15. that fuckin..doctor who quote that’s like “all that pain and misery and loneliness and it just made him kind” that’s sam winchester. the way he took his destiny as hell’s perfect soldier, the boy king, lucifer’s true vessel, and ended up becoming the one thing standing between every demon in hell and the throne AND becoming the leader of an entire generation of hunters....he embodies so much strength.

tldr sam’s entire character arc is about a person’s journey through real trauma and the light at the end of all of it. it’s about guilt, fear, consent, healing, relapse, acceptance, bodily autonomy, self-worth, and hope. and i LOVE dean -- he’s my favorite takedown of american masculinity, between the stuggle with/attempt to stop the cycle of his father’s abuse and conditioning, the repression, the anger, the grief, etc.. and the layers??? the writers very clearly put a lot of thought into what’s made dean who he is and how he can combat that in the later seasons. he is the most complex character on television and i say that with absolute confidence. i would be lying if i said i never considered becoming a dean girl. but sam’s themes resonate more with me so i think that’s why i always come back to him

#anon #also i have a disease that makes me look at a character that's unloved by the writer & go 'is anyone gonna love that'#and not even wait for an answer #sam

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puppy-the-mask · 4 years ago

Text

Poly? Morph

A Friends to lovers post-dnd-transportation fic focusing on our boys Rant and Rus (debating on adding Edge aswell)

There’s like 4 POV changes so let me know if I should re-write? this was more for fun than anything, It doesn’t get to romance yet but I hope to continue in my free time. Let me know any errors or anything, I’ll put it on AO3 after a bit more editing and input. I’ve just re-read it so much its all bleh to me so i’m getting second opinions/input here

tw/Blood and Death- not graphic but y’know -/(Owo)\-

It’s been 5 years since we began, just a couple of students playing a game of DnD. Mere hours after wrapping up session zero us players arrived home and as a collective felt a foreign wave of exhaustion, falling asleep one by one.

The city's air was damp and the pathways were dim with the light of half dead lanterns. The party was shuffling through the empty streets to the gates bound for our next assignment when a figure appeared out of the shadows, the glint of metal and we found ourselves face to face with a hostage situation.

You had once been the closest we had to a tank, a perk of having been a dragonborn with high strength- even if you were a druid bard- but after being cursed for the upteenth time you’d been separated from your avatar- Blackjack- and rendered a low level support for our high level party.

Without you taking lead your roll was delegated to other, more impulsive members. The next moments are a flurry of movement as a loud burst sends the assailant back along with you- the dagger at your neck drawing blood.

Everything blended together as I flew to the front lines, rage getting the best of me as the look on your face burned itself into my mind. The shock and pain in your eyes drove me forward as the streets were painted red.

The cleric could heal you, I had a life to take.

--------------------------------

Sans woke up panting, eyelights materializing and analyzing his surroundings. WHAT?

He couldn’t believe it, there was no way… He was back in his room, back in his world- well the one he’d been in before. There was so much to process, his new surroundings aside- their last foe had been someone they’d trusted. And yet she almost killed y/n… had she even known who she was attacking? There were so many questions rattling around his skull as his magic buzzed in his bones. He needed to check on them, he needed to make sure they made it back. Normally he’d shortcut straight to their room but his magic was sluggish and unresponsive. He’d just have to run.

He managed to make it down the stairs without falling and stumble a few more steps before he heard voices. NO NONONO FUCK! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

“AH RANT, YOU’RE AWAKE! RANT?” He had to brace himself on the couch, his center of gravity was much different than his avatar’s “RANT ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Paps knelt to his level and looked him over

“I’m Fine, Let Me Go-!” The hand on his shoulder tightened its grip as he tried to get past to the door “I SAID LET ME GO! I NEED TO CHECK ON THEM!”

“WHO? RANT TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG.” He just kept struggling, but everything was getting fuzzy as his soul was settling back in his proper body. “Can You Tell Me Where You Are?” More people were walking in, having been drawn from the dining room by their voices.

“WHERE!? I'M HERE WITH YOU AT THE HOUSE- NOW LET ME GO!” more voices joined the conversation but they all started to run together.

“rant? dude what’s wrong!?”

“THE HELL IS HIS PROBLEM?”

“huh, so the shortstack does have eyelights”

“bro?” his eyelights sharpened and shrank on his brother and he felt tears prick his sockets.

“Papyrus?” The soft copy let him go as he stumbled into his brother’s arms. Stars he really hoped this wasn’t an illusion, but the comfort of his brother’s magic reassured him. “It’s Really You…”

“sans? sans what happened?” Rant just shook his head, his voice leaving him. Had that all just been a dream? It didn’t feel like it, there was no way a dream could be that real. He could remember with clarity how vivid it all was, the blood- the pain- the party that was just so full of life despite their situation- their bard. His gaze hardened.

He may not be able to do anything in his current state but there was one other person who was close enough to y/n to have a shortcut straight to them. Rant forced his voice to settle and pinned his friend with his stare

“RUS.” The skeleton stiffened “YOU NEED TO GET TO Y/N, THEY SHOULD BE IN THEIR ROOM”

“bro, sans you need to breathe with me you’re friend is fine.” He ignored his brother, not looking away from Rus.

“RUS I CAN’T USE MY MAGIC” The room stilled around him but he persisted, dragging the younger skeleton closer and dropping his volume “You’re All They Have Right Now.

Seeing his hesitance Rant quickly amended his plea. “If I'm Wrong And They’re Fine I’ll Owe You- I Don’t Care- Just please…”

Rus swallowed, settled his frantic magic, and nodded before stepping out of Rant’s slackened grip into nowhere.

“sans i know you like bein dramatic but yer really startin to worry me- what happened, what’s wrong with yer magic.” Rant took a deep breath before looking up at Mutt and muttering into his brother’s hoodie

“I’ll Tell You Tonight” Shifting he let his tears fall and grabbed at the fabric in front of him “ I-I DON’T KNOW I JUST- I WOKE UP BUT WHAT I SAW- IT WAS TOO GRAPHIC TO NOT BE REAL AND I...” Rant took a shuddering breath “ IN IT Y/N- THEY GOT HURT BUT I CAN’T CALM DOWN ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.” He looked away from the crowd to the ground and flinched at the annoyed responses of some of them- mad at him for interrupting dinner over a nightmare and unaware of the satisfaction each rude comment brought him.

He couldn’t help but thank his old reputation as an attention seeking drama queen, this was his easiest coverup yet. Rant wiped his tears and started the process of evening out his breathing

Stars, it felt so good to be back in his own body. He settled into his brother’s embrace, hugging him back. He’d missed him so much.

-------------------

Blackjack hadn’t exactly been thrilled when you had showed up, he was quite the opposite if he was being honest. He didn’t like taking a back seat while a teenager piloted his body, sue him. But unlike you’d think he didn’t despise you, It was obvious that neither you nor your friends had been expecting a body switch to happen by the end of the first day. But then nearly 5 years later you’d made a deal with good old gertrude, accepted yet another experimental curse, and next thing the dragonborn knew he had his body back.

The next few months were interesting to say the least, he stuck with the party and quietly delighted in how your companions turned to him when they meant to talk to you and expected him to do things he’d never do. You were different then him, kinder, a total bard, and frankly he’s just glad that all those curses you’d brought onto the two of you had transferred. He could deal with a few extra scars if that was the trade off.

You did have a couple similarities though, your shared love of gambling, ale, and women.

The two of you were talking about just that, naming your favorite flirtatious endeavors over the years you’d spent as him- of which there were many, including lady victoria. It wasn’t exactly hard for him to pick up where you had left off but something told him there was something more to the parties’ friend in high places. As good of a rogue as you were you were oblivious to the lady’s growing infatuation, one of the many reasons why the other rogue became the king of thieves rather than you… or him??? Regardless the look on Victoria’s face when he’d introduced you stuck with him, he decided to keep you close for now just in case

You were at the back of the group, his steps slowed drastically to match yours, though you still had to fast walk to keep up with his much longer legs. You were going on about a tiefling academic you’d hit it off with a while back, the one who’d inspired and helped you develop a spell of your own. It was cheesy, a healing spell for those with ‘high charisma’ as you put it that utilized the castor’s kiss. It was effective and Blackjack won’t deny using it on his own to woo the occasional maiden.

You went on and on and he could envision the tiefling in question, commenting about other features as you raved about her cute freckles, when he felt a prickle in his scales. Before anyone could react you were in a figure’s hold with a blade to your throat.

Suddenly the air crackled with electricity as the trigger happy sorcerer unleashed a Thunder Wave. Blackjack braced himself for the impact, feeling something wet and warm splatter onto his tunic. He rushed towards your prone body, yelling for help from the cleric only to curse when they had run out of spell slots.

He sighed, his breath appearing a soft glowing yellow in front of him, he never thought he’d have to use your spell in a serious situation- especially not on you. As he pulled away from your cheek the words manifested on your skin, magic runes snaked down to your neck- glowing that same pale yellow. They ran over your wound until there was no more area to cover and slowly faded as your body repaired itself.

That wouldn’t be enough. The cleric took you from his hold and started pumping on your chest, trying to force air into your lungs in practiced motions. Your blood covered the pathway and the two of them as they tried to keep you from choking on it.

Looking back to the fight Blackjack saw the rogue known as Rumor- the one you called Sans- in the very heart of the battle. He sucked in a breath as he heard their foe cry out, Veronica. He was right, but he held no satisfaction in that. She tried to plead, to escape, but that rogue wouldn’t let her. Blow after blow he refused to stop.

Blackjack looked back to you as you spat up blood, finally breathing on your own, and he couldn’t help but pity any fool that tried to come between the two of you. Just friends my ass

Suddenly his attention was pulled from you to the cleric, who was outlined in a fading golden glow along with the rest of the party, who slowly came back to themselves

“Gods above that boy made a mess!” Rumor, the real one he assumed, looked on the body with disgust. Lady Veronica was unrecognizable.

“I assume y’all are back in control then?” Y/n sat up with help. Their voice was raspy, they were still glowing, and when they coughed into their hand their fingertips were fading away. They focused on their now bloody hand and chuckled “Must take bodies longer to transport than souls I guess. For what it’s worth it’s nice to meet you all.”

It couldn’t have taken more than 3 minutes of chatting before they were almost gone.

“It was nice knowin ya player”

“Heh yeah, I’ll miss getting my ass kicked at poker…” You surprised him with a look of sincerity and fondness, trapping his gaze onto you “Thanks for everything Blackjack.”

With one more smile and a farewell wish that we look out for ourselves they vanished back to where they came from. They really were kinder than they had any right to be

Blackjack stood with a sigh and without a word turned around to head back to the tavern they’d stayed in previously. He didn’t know about the others but he could use a drink, and it’d take many many more before he’d ever admit that he alread missed his stupid little protege.

---------------------------------------

Rus wasn’t sure what he was expecting, when Papyrus had gone to get Rant for dinner he figured his friend was just exhausted from participating in your club. The three of you had become fast friends after him and the other ‘undesirable’ skeletons were relocated away from the main house’s relationship issues.

From what he’d been told you didn’t run into Rant despite having had your face in your phone, doing a little twirl to avoid the other skeleton last second - who had noticed your inattention and been gunning for you from down the hall. Which was just like him, always looking to start something. You’d peaked his interest and after a little chat in the halls he’d let you go to your next class until lunch.

Rus remembered you had looked so nervous and anxious when Rant had dragged you over to their seats across the lunchroom,literally, but you’d engaged and chatted with the shorter skeleton regardless. And while it took a little time he’d started chatting with you as well, since- as it turned out- the two of you were in the same graphic design course.

It wasn’t hard to convince the two of them to tag along with you to the DnD club come second semester, Rant had come prepared with a binder full of paper for notes and a separate stack for his character sheet, he’d come up with lots of backstory for his character- meanwhile Rus had a singular almost empty character sheet and took all of the session getting set up while you had multitasked helping him and participating in the pre-game exposition.

That was only a little over 5 hours ago, so when Rant had come down in a panic with a look that had dread coursing through his bones Rus was a little skeptical something had happened to you. But something told him there was more to it, and the desperation on his friend’s face alone was enough to spur him into action. He wouldn’t take any chances, not with someone he cared about

The moment he opened his sockets his gaze was drawn to your bed and he felt any and all composure he’d mustered up leave him.

“Y/n!?” A faint glow dissipated as he rushed to your side, crawling onto the bed to get to you in your confined space as he gathered you into his arms. Fuck there’s so much blood, Why-What-How??? Fuck!

He hesitated to take your pulse, the blood around your neck still wet. He couldn’t tell where it all came from and he nearly screamed when your hand shot up and grabbed his, your other clamping around his teeth. Rus jerked back and the motion sent the both of you tumbling off the bed, but you managed to catch him and brace a hand against the wall just past him- effectively stopping the two of you.

The two of you sat like that for a second before you exhaled, the tension breaking Rus began to fuss over you.

“Y/n what the fuck happened to you- did Rant have something to do with this? are you okay? do you need to go to the hospital?”

“No! Nonono I’m fine-”

“You’re Covered In-!” You shushed him, almost covering his face again before he caught your hands. He turned one of your palms towards you, it was the one you’d previously been coughing into and shook the offending arm for emphasis “See!!!” You looked past the skeleton at the wall, there was a bloody handprint you’d have to clean off and you could spot some on one of Rus’ hands

You shook your head and got back on track, fixing your tall friend with a serious look

“Look Rus, I don’t need a hospital. I just need to get cleaned up and maybe get a bandaid or two. I’m okay, promise.” He only frowned, searching your face before sighing

“you owe me an explanation later.”

“You probably won’t believe me.” You said with a tired chuckle

You scooched off of your bed and slipped off your pack, letting it hit the floor with a thunk and various muted clinks and clangs from your supplies, kits, and other odds and ends.

“can i ask about the wardrobe change now or should i wait?” You snickered as you fiddled with the various buckles attaching your scabbards and pouches to your person before thinking better of it and reaching for the pin clasping the ends of your cloak together and removing the garment. “Is That A Fucking Sword Y/N What The Hell!?!?”

Your laughter only grew louder as you nodded wordlessly with a grin, looking back at your awestruck friend- who had moved to his knees at the end of the bed, leaning closer to get a better look.

“Yeah, It ties in with the explanation but yeah it’s real! All of it is- wanna hold?” You’d explained excitedly as you quickly got the straps undone and off your body, removing your shortsword and it’s scabbard from the ensemble and holding it out towards Rus. He took it tentatively before sitting back to admire it.

You watched on with a proud look on your face, your smile growing when he unsheathed the blade and you caught his eyelights expand before zoning in on the engraving along the blade. It was a simple enough sword but one of your friends had enchanted it for you way back at the beginning when you all were still discovering and learning your class’ skills and you’d kept it close ever since.

Switching gears you started taking off your armor, which thankfully had taken most of the blood as well as your cloak- leaving your tunic nearly spotless this time around. There was a little soaked in around the collar but it was manageable. In a stroke of genius you grabbed a pair of sweatpants, telling Rus to stay where he was you moved to the alcove in your room that didn’t have your bed and quickly changed pants, throwing your boots and pants into the pile of adventuring gear before smearing blood across your face from your nose.

A mischievous grin spread across your face when you turned towards your companion

“How do I look?” when you got a concerned look in response your grin only grew “Great! I’ll be right back!” Rushing down the stairs you covered your nose, raising your voice so the whole room could hear you

“Hey mom?! I don’t know what happened but I got a really bad nosebleed- can I wash some things?”

Your mother turned from the TV to look at you, eyes widening in surprise and concern “Of course, What happened?”

“I don’t know! I woke up and there was blood everywhere. I think It stopped but it got all over my bed.”

“Here, let me strip your sheets- you get cleaned up.”

“Oh no, you don’t gotta do that.! I can get it, just give me a sec.” You tried to wave her off but she insisted, already heading up your stairs. Aaaah fuck Rus isn’t supposed to be here he didn’t use the door!!!

You felt rather than heard the pop of magic in the air and sighed, You’d have to get with him later, but for now you had blood to clean. You absently wondered if rubbing alcohol worked on leather.

Getting back to your room you looked around and found that all your gear- which you had completely forgotten also shouldn’t have been there- was piled up in the same place you had previously changed, hidden from view of your mother. You also found your phone plugged up on your bed with messages on it’s screen

~Rus~

-text me after dinner

-i’ll come over w/ rant and you can explain

Rant? Who’s-OOOOOHHH!!!! Right multiverse shenanigans, Sans is Rant here. As you were going to unlock your phone you got another text from the aforementioned skeleton himself

~Rant~

-RUS SAID YOU WERE ALIVE. I’LL BE TELLING MY BROTHER WHAT HAPPENED TO US IF YOU WOULD…

The message cut off, which concerned you until you remembered that you’d have to enter the app to get the full message since it was so long. Inputting your passcode you re-read the full text

-RUS SAID YOU WERE ALIVE. I’LL BE TELLING MY BROTHER WHAT HAPPENED TO US IF YOU WOULD BE UP TO COMING OVER AND EXPLAINING IT TOGETHER? I’D BE NICE TO NOT LOOK INSANE IN FRONT OF MY ONLY FAMILY

-We’ll see if I can make it after dinner, I owe Rus an explanation too. He actually just texted and said he’d come over with you so /I/ can tell /y'all/ what happened

-You slipped up by the way, you live with your ~cousins~ remember?

-YOU’D BETTER COME OVER…

His bubble appeared and disappeared before he finally responded

- BITE ME PEASANT

-Kinky~

-But also sleep sounds great though

-I HOPE YOUR HANGOVER KILLS YOU

You pocketed your phone with a smirk as you hopped off your bed. Some reheated leftovers sounded amazing right about now, you feel like you could eat a whole feast. You glanced over at your things and considered your unending flask of honey mead before thinking better of it. Sans- fuck RANT- was right. That healing spell would give you a major hangover after you woke up, especially with how much it had to heal. You shivered as you felt your own mortality weigh down on you.

You’d almost died again, and there were no more resurrection scrolls- especially now that you were home. Your eyes drifted back to the flask…

It couldn’t hurt to celebrate a little could it? Not only are you alive but you’re home! Besides you’re already going to hate life in the morning, why not enjoy a few swigs before that cliff?

You took a long drink and closed the flask, burying it under your things before making your way down the stairs to get something to eat. It wasn’t long after that you were in your usual spot on the couch watching TV with your family and laughing together. You’d even gotten a hug from your mom during a sad scene, and if she noticed you crying a bit more than you meant to then she didn’t say anything. It wasn’t totally unheard of for you to shed a few tears for fiction after all.

#Poly? Morph #fanfic #Rant #purpfell!sans #Rus #sf!papyrus #Getting sucked into your DND game sucks but what about after?#next episode- Rant and Reader share screen time in their own fic #but first 'The Talk' tm #I called myself out in the last paragraph but i'm taking ya'll down with me #I hope this all pasted correctly cause I'm too lazy to check #it doesn't feel like 9 docs pages but oh well #thanks for reading! <3

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innaminitus · 6 years ago

Text

Desires #1

Pairing: Loki x reader

Summary: Vanaheim needs allies and since you are the eldest daughter of its king, you are a victim of arranged marriage with one of Odin’s sons - Loki.

Chapter warnings: language

Chapter word count: 2629

A/N: I know that this has been done like a bilion times but ~i don’t care~. Let me know if you want to be tagged, and yes, this will lead to smut.

You were sitting in a spaceship owned by your father, mad at the whole world, mad at this irrational fate that brought you to this moment.

It turned out your planet needed allies or something like that, and it was of course a perfect opportunity to wed you. An opportunity your parents were looking forward to, since you were quite a naughty and unruly child.

A husband is what she needs. He will tame her.

Your jaw hurt from clenching your teeth so hard and you could barely focus on the beauty of surrounding you space. You didn’t want to get married! Nor be pregnant, give birth, be mother, be obedient, pretty little thing without a mind of her own.

Captain let you know that you were about to jump and you tried to prepare yourself for that horrible part, keeping in mind where the bathroom was in case if you had to puke, as usually.

High pressure squeezed your guts and gave you a headache, but thankfully Asgard was close enough to Vanaheim to not make you nauseous. You looked outside and let yourself admire the planet before you put on your mask of annoyed child. Deep inside your heart you were glad that if you had to live somewhere far from home, it could be Asgard. You would cut your veins if you had to spend the rest of your life on Jotunheim or Svartalfheim. At least Asgard was beautiful.

Your ship lowered itself and docked on the colourful bridge… Bifrost, you remembered.

“Y/N, put on your crown.” You heard your mother, but suddenly was too panic-stricken to move. You were not ready to be a wife!

You had to get out of there. There was no way this marriage was going to happen.

“Mother” you started, your voice was steady and chin was slightly lifted. That’s right. You were strong and confident. Or at least one of both. “I am not going to marry anyone.”

She raised her eyebrow and grabbed her sides.

“Is that so?”

You nodded.

“I demand to go back to Vanaheim.”

She came closer and not so lightly patted your cheek.

“You will marry Odinson. And you will obey, Y/N. We are not going back home before you are still a virgin without a wedding ring.”

Deep, crimson red tinted your cheeks. You took a step back and put your steel crown studded with pyrite on. If you could not go back in this ship, you were going to use Bifrost.

You came over to the control station and pushed the button opening the entrance.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Your mother sounded concerned, but tried not to let you know.

“Going home.”

“Y/N!”

But you were already leaving the spaceship, heels of your shoes were clacking on the surface of the bridge when you were stiffly walking in the direction of the golden dome.

What you didn’t think of, was the delegation of the members of royal family, who were waiting just in front of it to meet you.

Fuck.

You lifted your chin a little higher and fastened your pace.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Even though your lungs refused to work and your heart was pumping blood way faster than it was probably safe, you forced yourself to continue walking.

Odin himself, along with his wife, two sons and entourage was there to greet you.

You were so going to puke.

“Ah, princess Y/N, we did not expect you to come on your own-“ Odin started, but you were fast to interrupt him.

“Excuse me…” You sighed, walking past the royal family.

You were sure your heart stopped from stress. You left them behind you, someone choked on a laugh and someone else murmured something sounding like “those Vanaheimians”, but you ignored it and walked into the dome.

Without paying much attention to the inside, you walked straight to the man standing on the dais, holding a weird looking sword.

“Would you be kind enough to take me back to Vanaheim, sir?” You looked him in the eye. He had odd eyes, they looked older than he was, as if they’ve seen… everything.

A smile crawled on his face and you suddenly felt so small under his sight.

“Lady Y/N, what is the meaning of this?” You heard Odin’s voice behind you, and your confidence faded slightly.

You rubbed your hands together, feeling your magic trying to come out and save the day.

“Sir…” You looked at the man imploringly. “Please.”

He smiled again before leaning closer.

“I can send you back” he said in deep voice. “But if you’d go to Vanaheim, you’ll never achieve what you can here.” You swallowed hard, somewhere deep inside believing him. “You’re a fighter, princess. Not a milk cow. I’ve seen your whole life and I can assure you that if you decide to stay and marry this man, you will be appreciated and reckoned with. Your desires can only come true here, in Asgard.”

You bit your cheek from the inside and allowed yourself to breathe again. You didn’t know how or why, but you believed him. You didn’t want to, but you believed him.

“I promise you princess, that if you ever change your mind, I will personally take you back to Vanaheim.”

You noticed that no one dared to interrupt him when he was speaking to you, even though you felt their presence behind you. You tried to look everywhere but not in those golden eyes, but you couldn’t.

Eventually you nodded quickly.

“Fine.”

You couldn’t sleep that night. Your fiancée, Loki, was quite rugged and unfriendly and it seemed like everyone besides his mother was not that much fond of him. It was possible that the idea of marriage wasn’t uplifting for him as well and it made you feel a little better.

He was quite handsome, though, and you couldn’t deny that. You could get used to it.

His brother, Thor, was much kinder and you got along quickly. He offered to show you Asgard after your wedding and, once again interrupting Odin, who was saying something about it being Loki’s responsibility, you agreed with relief, thanking the gods that you wouldn’t have to spend more time with your husband-to-be, who only rolled his eyes at you.

You learned that the golden eyed man’s name was Heimdall and he was an all-seeing Asgardian, which explained why he claimed to have seen your whole life. You felt sympathy for him, though. You somehow knew he was trustworthy.

After rolling in your sheets for a few hours, you decided to get up and breathe some fresh air. Your bedroom was stuffy, so you walked on the balcony. Sweet scent of asgardian flowers hit your nostrils and you started to think that there was no place on this planet with fresh, cold air to soothe you.

“Can’t sleep?” You heard a voice somewhere near you and almost jumped when you saw Loki sitting on a sofa on your balcony.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed, crossing your arms to cover yourself, since you were wearing only thin nightgown.

“Reading” he said, lifting his book, so you could see it.

“And do you have to do it on my balcony? How did you even get here?”

He rolled his eyes on you just like he did during the supper. He pointed at the building.

“My room is next to yours, we share this balcony.”

You clenched your teeth. Of course.

You turned to face Asgard, stretching before you. It was beautiful, you couldn’t deny it. Dozens of little lights were showering the city in a glow, you could hear laughter and music somewhere far in the depths of the buildings. Nightlife was blooming and you let yourself wonder if you could ever feel truly happy there. If you could visit one of the restaurants that were open at night, drink good wine with good company and call this place your home.

With broken, but possible willing to be healed heart you turned away from the view and focused on Loki. You didn’t like to get nostalgic.

“What are you drinking?” You asked, but way quieter than you intended to.

He didn’t look at you from his book.

“Tea.”

“May I have some?”

He sighed and a teacup appeared on the table next to him.

“Help yourself.”

The fact that he didn’t even look at you hurt a little, but you reminded yourself that this man was in no place to make you feel bad. He was just supposed to be your husband, period.

You walked over and poured yourself a tea from the teakettle and sat down at one of the big armchairs with massive pillows. You almost sunk in them.

“Your homeland is very beautiful.” You tried to start the ball rolling and took a sip of hot liquid.

“Asgard is not my homeland, but thank you.” He once again didn’t look at you, but you noticed that his eyes stopped following the text.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed and turned a page, but still didn’t really read anything.

“I’m from Jotunheim.” You froze, but he continued. “And, before you ask any more questions, yes, I am a frost giant.”

A hand with a teacup begun to shake a little, so you quickly put it back on the table. A frost giant. You were to wed a fucking frost giant.

“Look at you, so shook over there.” He sighed, this time he was looking at you. His eyes were full of life, and a smirk on his face made your heart skip a beat. The air became colder and you didn’t know if it was his abilities or if the temperature really dropped. You could feel your nipples hardening, covered only with that damn nightgown. It didn’t escape his notice, his smirk deepened. “Don’t worry, I am not going to turn into a giant in bed.”

You quickly got up, letting your hair fall on your face to hide a deep blush blooming on your cheeks.

“I’m going to sleep.” You stuttered out and almost run to your bedroom, hunted by his laughter.

The next day you were fitting asgardian wedding dresses, which were much richer than the ones Vanaheimian brides wore. While in your country they were mostly in colours of earth; green, yellow and brown, here they were sawed with golden threads, studded with expensive gems. You could get used to such clothing.

The wedding was organised very quickly because of sudden need, so the ceremony was to take place in the evening.

You were better not thinking about your future husband. He was cold, cruel and a frost giant. You kept wondering what sins brought you to this moment.

You weren’t only stressed because of the personality of Loki, but also because you never really… Did anything with a man. You’ve kissed once or twice, but were never in love, let alone laid with anyone. The idea of it made you shiver, you’ve heard enough about it from your friends and sisters, about how much it hurt and how the first time was awful. If you had to go through it, you hoped it would be at least with someone you loved. Arranged marriage was not supposed to be your love story.

Whether you liked it or not, you had to choose a dress, so you picked a golden one with embroidered glistening flowers and studded with small rhinestones. Your back was nearly whole exposed and shallow neckline was enough to show expensive necklace you got from your father. The crown they gave you looked as if they dipped a daisy flower crown in pink gold.

You looked like a cake. Or a feast. Or one of the dolls your younger sister played with. The point is, you looked nothing like you imagined you’d want to look on your wedding day. This was yet another bitterness. Everything was awful and all you wanted to do was to hide in your bed and choke on a pillow.

“Princess Y/N” one of your new ladies said, standing behind you so could see her in the mirror. You didn’t bother to remember her name. “It’s time.”

You took a deep breath and tried to remember what Heimdall told you.

You will be appreciated and reckoned with. Your desires can only come true here, in Asgard.

You held on that promise, for it was the only thing making you move right now. You forced yourself to walk through the halls of the palace, take step after step.

You will be appreciated and reckoned with.

You never were on Vanaheim. You were treated like a broodmare, created for a sole purpose of bearing a child, preferably a boy, to look pretty and do nothing besides embroidery and being pregnant.

Your desires can only come true here, in Asgard.

You could hear the music already, but didn’t stop. You couldn’t stop now.

You reached the massive door leading to the throne room. Your father was waiting there for you. He offered you a hand to, as the custom dictates, lead you down the aisle.

You didn’t even look at him.

“I am no longer your property, father” you spat out. “I shall go alone.”

“You turd, you will not-“ He raised his hand to hit you like he always did when you were rude, but this time it didn’t reach your face. You blocked him with your magic, burning his hand badly when it hit the shield you created.

“I cannot let you ruin my makeup, father. It is my wedding day, after all.” You forced yourself to look at him, still squirming and holding his burnt hand. “After the ceremony you will go back to Vanaheim. If you stay, I shall command you to be removed from the palace. I recommend you not to test my patience.”

The door opened and you put on your best smile. The throne room was as big as you remembered from when you were a child, but this time it was filled with flowers and guests, and at the end of it stood Odin along with your fiancée. You felt dizzy and although the musicians were still playing and people were whispering, you didn’t hear anything besides your heart pumping blood.

One step after another you were closer to the moment that could be just as easily the worst as the best decision you could make.

When you reached your destiny you could barely breathe.

“Asgardians! The time has come that my youngest son stands before us all on his wedding day!” Odin shouted and the guests cheered. “We gathered here today to witness these two souls being bound by marriage.”

He was talking for what seemed like four days, but you didn’t hear him. You were focused on trying to keep your hand from sweating in Loki’s grip.

Suddenly everything silenced and from Odin’s burning sight you figured it was time for your vow and that Loki was already facing you. You swallowed and turned to him as well, and took one ring from the pillow held by Odin.

“With this ring I bind myself to you,” you said in tandem. “My fate is yours. My sword will fight for you and my magic shall be always in your favour. My soul is yours, your life is mine.”

A wedding ring on your finger felt as if it weighed ten pounds when Loki leaned and placed his surprisingly warm lips on yours for a second.

“You are now husband and wife.”

The crowd cheered with a force of a thunderstorm, making you shut your eyes and wrinkle your nose. You heard an annoyed sight next to you.

What have you gotten yourself into?

Tag list:

@lokislilslut

@princerowanwhitethorngalathynius

@darkprincessloki92

#loki x reader #loki x reader smut #loki imagine #loki smut #loki x you #loki #Loki Laufeyson #marvel #marvel imagine #tom hiddleston #avengers imagine

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buckthegrump · 5 years ago

Text

Creatures of the Forest - (2/2)

Summary: If only you had listened to your mother when she told you not to make a deal with the fae.

Pairing: Prince Bucky x F!Reader

Word Count: 4389

Warnings: Angst, like a little bit of fluff but don’t get your hopes up, mentions of death,

A/n: thank you so much for the love I got on the first part it was really amazing, clearly i should just stick to writing royalty aus this is the second part for @propertyofpoeandbucky ‘s challenge

The warlock dropped to the ground turning to dust. You looked at Bucky who gripped your shoulder before he fell. You caught him before he hit the ground you sank to the floor with him still in your arms.

“Why did you do that?” You sobbed.

Bucky’s head was in your lap and he looked up at you, blood staining the inside of his lips every breath he took was a battle.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt.” There was the faintest smile on his lips.

“Your people need you, James,” you croaked.

“And your people need you.” He was clearly struggling to keep his eyes open.

“They don’t, I’m no one important.” Tears fell from your eyes onto his cheeks. If you were an older fae you’d have the ability to heal others. But you didn’t, you couldn’t save the one person you would walk to the ends of the earth to save.

“Yes you are, you’ve saved me before. I wanted to be the one to save you this time.”

“The Wakwak was nothing,” you said tearfully.

His breath shuttered. “That is not the time I’m referring to.”

15 years ago

You were sitting in your mother’s chambers at the castle, normally you’d be at your uncle cottage, but you claimed that the neighbors were loud yesterday and you wanted a quiet place to read.

Both your mother and your uncle saw right through your lie, they knew that you just wanted even the chance to see Bucky. Sure, the two of you would play together when you were younger but now that Bucky was coming up on his 18th year, and you were still nothing more than a commoner, he needed to focus on learning from his father all the duties of being king.

So, you sat in one of the two chairs and read your book next to the window. As interesting as the book was you had been reading the same sentence for a while now. Then a small pebble landed in your lap.

You looked out the open window to find the Prince himself standing on the ground. You were on the second floor but you could still see the smirk he wore on his face.

“That could have hit me in the head you know,” you said looking back to your book casually.

“It wouldn’t have, I’m a much better shot than you give me credit for!” He called up.

“Either way, your highness, it is rude to throw rocks at people.” You turned the page in your book

“Come outside!”

You glared down at him. “Don’t you have prince lessons to attend?”

“I snuck away, now as your prince, I’m ordering you to come down here.” You could practically hear the grin in his voice.

“Oh, you're ordering me?”

“Y/n.”

You closed the window and put down your book before rushing down the stairs.

“Careful, child!” One of the servants that worked in the kitchen yelled as you almost ran into them.

“Sorry!” You said over your shoulder but continued running until you were outside. You slowed to a leisurely walk before Bucky came into view. “My Prince, it’s not proper for royalty to be seen with a servant’s daughter.”

He spun around to see you. He had a wide grin on his face. “You’re not just a servant’s daughter Y/n, you're my closest friend.”

“Oh well in that case,” you teased and launched yourself into his arms.

“When you closed the window I thought you weren’t going to come down,” he admitted when you pulled away.

“Why would I not have come down?”

He turned and walked with you to the edge of the field towards the tree line, near your tree.

“I don’t know, maybe you didn’t want to see me. I haven’t been able to get away as much as I used to be and I thought maybe you were no longer interested in me. That and I thought you might be really mad at me for tossing that pebble at you.”

“I understand why you cannot spend as much time with me as you once did, though it makes me sad, I realize where your duty lies. Besides, sometime in the near future, you will be too busy being a king to make time for me at all so I will just have to get used to it.”

You got to the tree line and Bucky placed his hands on your shoulders turning you to face him.

“I will always make time for you, my lady.” He dropped his hands down your arms and grabbed your hands.

You felt a bashful smile creep onto your face. “I am not a lady.”

“You may not have a title, Y/n, but you will always be my lady.” His stare is so intense and there is an emotion in his eyes you cannot place. You have to look away, in fear that you might confess something you should not.

“Either way, you will be too busy being a king to see me.” You looked back to him and he made a face. “I think my uncle is trying to talk my mother into agreeing to let me marry the baker’s son.”

“Peter Quill?” Bucky grimaced.

“He is not that bad, James.”

The two of you start walking into the forest. Something you did more often than you should but no one would follow you into it.

“He’s very conceited and thinks about himself more than he thinks of others.”

“Well, not everyone can be as selfless as you. And it’s not like he harms people,” you pointed out.

“So, if I were to tell you that I was going to marry a princess that was a terrible gossip and cared more about filling her castle with things than the wellbeing of her subjects you wouldn’t try to talk me out of it?” He challenged.

“First of all, you are a terrible gossip, James. Second of all, you would never marry someone like that, you're smarter than you give yourself credit for. Not to mention some of us do not live in a castle nor have the luxury of being picky when it comes to who we will marry. I have no prospects. The fact that someone is ok with me marrying their sun is a miracle.”

The two of you were standing by the creek just out of sight of the treeline when you stopped.

“Anyone would be lucky to call you their wife,” he said softly.

Your heart swelled in your chest making it almost hard to breathe, it wasn’t a bad feeling though. Actually, it felt kind of nice.

“Y/n.” You turned to Bucky and he put his hands on your cheeks gingerly. He opened his mouth to say something but he gasped in pain.

“No!” You cried as he collapsed into your arms. There was an arrow sticking out of his chest. You broke off the tip and pulled the rest out of his back before laying him on the ground. “Bucky -”

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“You don’t get to die, your people need you.”

His eyes fluttered closed and you let out a heart-wrenching sob.

“Please,” you sobbed over and over like a prayer.

“What would you do?” A voice you couldn’t place asked and you looked up to find a woman with fiery red hair stood before you.

“What?”

“If I could save him for you, what would you do?”

You looked down at the boy you loved then back at the women, who, if you had to guess, you would say was fae.

“Anything.” And you meant it.

“Why should I save him? Your people come into this forest and torment my people.”

“He’s kind, and he’s next in line for the throne,” you knew none of these were good enough reasons but it’s all you could think of, “he’ll lead our people, help them be better kinder. He’s good at that. Making people believe they can be kinder.”

You were no longer looking at the woman but instead looking at Bucky who was still barely breathing as you brushed his hair off his forehead.

“Would you make a deal?” She asked.

“What kind of deal?”

“The kind where your prince gets to live.” You looked at her again and she continued. “He will live a long and happy life, live to be king and long after.”

“What’s in it for you?”

She paused before saying, “you’d come with me.”

“You promise he’ll live?”

“Longer than you can imagine.” Her words made little sense to you but you were focused on Bucky and his fading heartbeat.

“Ok,” you agreed without any hesitation. “Please save him.”

“I didn’t think you knew about that,” you whispered to him.

The similarities in the situation was almost enough to make you laugh.

“I didn’t until I saw you again, even then it felt like a dream until today.” He coughed and more blood came out of his mouth. “Y/n, I -”

He exhaled one last time. You didn’t register the scream of agony that came from behind you, nor did you register the curse lifting. Your sole focus was the man you loved had died in your arms.

“Y/n.” You looked up to find Natasha, the same fae you’d made a deal with all those years ago, the same fae who took you in and changed you. She had become a friend over the years.

“You promised,” you wailed.

Her eyes bore into yours before she placed a hand over his wound. “I will uphold my end of the bargain.”

Magic swirled around Natasha’s hand and Bucky before he gasped, his eyes still closed. The Queen was next to her son and you let her take him from your grasp.

Natasha rested her hand on your shoulder and whispered in your ear, “we should go before people see us.”

“We need to stop off at my uncle’s cottage first,” you said but did not fight her on leaving.

Six months after Rumlow’s defeat.

You sat in your cottage in the fae village. The door was open along with all the windows.

The sound of children laughing and playing could be heard as they ran around your house. They liked it when you told them stories about the world outside your little section of the forest. Their favorite story is the one of how you defeated the warlock Rumlow, you took creative liberties with the story to make it more exciting as well as left out a few details.

You were expecting for them to come ask for a story but Natasha walked into your home instead.

You stood at the sight of her. “Sorry for the mess.”

Natasha looked around then laughed. “It’s spotless in here, what mess could you possibly be referring to?”

You shrugged at her and she walked over to your couch and sat.

“Is something wrong?” You asked sitting next to her.

She hesitated before opening her mouth to answer. “Years ago you asked me why I changed you into fae and I told you I had my reasons.”

“Yes I remember, after a few more years I was convinced that you did not have a reason that sounded good,” you teased but she did not laugh as she normally would have. “Natasha, what’s wrong?”

“Our people have not recognized a true leader in generations. When I found you and changed you I assumed you were royalty because you were with the prince and the search parties they sent out for you only enforced that thought.”

“How angry were you when you realized I was nothing but a peasant.”

Natasha chuckled. “Quite relieved actually.”

You gave her a look and she continued,

“I was out that day on my way to your lands to speak with the King. More and more of our people were turning up dead or not turning up at all, at first I thought it was your people but now I know it was Rumlow, but I wanted to speak to the King about an alliance or merging our lands so fae and mortals could live together in peace.”

“Then you came across me and Bucky,” you said.

“Yes, when he was hit with that arrow and you had that look on your face I knew that I could not just let him die. Then you were willing to make a deal. So I made you fae because I had hoped that someday you could convince the boy to my idea when he became king.” She smiled at the thought.

“Why did you send me after Rumlow?”

“I needed to know if you were ready,” she said plainly.

“Ready for what?” Now you were even more confused than before.

“To lead.”

Natasha had a wicked smile on her face.

The next few days were filled with meetings with you, Natasha, and the people of your village. To your surprise people were ok with you leading them, you didn’t think that someone who was born into nothing would make a good leader. They thought that it would make you the perfect leader.

One of the things on the list of all that needed to be discussed was what title to give to you. Everyone thought you should be crowned queen but you fought that. That debate went on for hours.

“Fine if you don’t want to be our queen, what if we just call your our empress,” Shuri said straight-faced, but you knew she was joking. You hoped.

“Shuri if you are only going to make ridiculous suggestions,” Gamora spoke, “you can leave.”

“She is just as much a part of this village as you are, Gamora,” her brother T’challa spoke.

“It was a joke,” Shuri muttered.

As far as you knew, he’d been offered the mantle of king at one point but he turned it down because his wife did not want to be queen.

“Why do I need a title?” You asked.

Everyone at the table stopped talking and all eyes turned to you. Everyone looked a little shocked, except Natasha who had a prideful smile on her face.

“What?” Gamora asked.

“You all have known me for years, me being your leader will not change that. And I doubt we could ever get Shuri to refer to me by my title seriously so why try? I will just be Y/n.” You waited for someone to say something but they didn’t so you continued to ramble. “It’s not like I’m going to live in a castle or anything and it would make me feel weird if people started bowing to me every time I went to the market. Or to have people do my bidding for me.”

“Well, no one mentioned that there would be servants and less work for our queen,” Shuri said, “I will do it.”

But everyone ignored it.

“So it’s decided, Y/n will lead us but she will bear no title,” Natasha said as she stood.

So you became their leader. It was more of a title than anything else not much changed. Only now if there was a decision that no one could come to an agreement on, it was up to you to solve it.

A week later you were finally home at a decent time. The letter your mother had written you sat on your bedside table. You took a deep breath and opened the letter.

My dearest daughter,

With each day that passes, it seems more and more likely that you will not return before I pass. Although maybe it is for the best that you do not return, there is a strange magic that has taken over the land.

I want you to know I’m proud of you, and that I love you more than you could possibly know. I know I told you to never make a deal with a fae, but you did. But I don’t blame you, how could I when I would’ve done the same thing if it was to save someone’s life.

Bucky came to see me the other day, I moved into your uncle’s cottage. Bucky expressed his sincerest apologies. He believes it’s his fault that you are gone. He thinks that if you and he hadn’t gone into the forest that day, you would still be here. Maybe he’s right but he still should not blame himself.

Everyone thinks that you’re dead, Bucky and Normand try to make me believe that they believe me when I say you’re still alive.

He loves you, you know. Bucky. I saw it the older the two of you got. Sure you loved each other as children but that was a different kind of love. I’m sure that if you had a title or even a little more wealth, he would not hesitate to make you his bride.

You love him too, that’s why you made that deal, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that instead of having a chance at true love you were my daughter, the daughter of a servant with no prospects. I’m sorry that you will have to watch him marry someone else if you ever come back.

You are meant for great things and I hope that you always remember to be kind.

I love you always, your mother

With tears in your eyes, you folded up the letter putting it back in the envelope and blow out the candle.

One year after Rumlow’s defeat.

You saw why Bucky was always trying to get out of his kingly duties. You were currently holding a court where people brought their problems to you so you could help solve them.

The biggest issue was that because you knew these people personally, they kept bringing you jokes, they would pretend to have issues with each other just to waste your time. Not that you much else to do anyway.

Gamora and her sister, Nebula, were in the seats that flanked you. You had no idea why they insisted on being at every single one of these, they claimed it was a safety precaution but nothing even remotely dangerous ever happened at these things. And they both just looked bored the entire time.

Shuri burst through the doors and the sister perked up. Shuri ran up to you.

“The mortal king is here to speak to you,” Shuri whispered and you were rendered speechless, “He’s on his way in with Natasha.”

You nodded and Shuri skirted off to the side of the room moments before Natasha made her entrance with an entourage of knights.

“His Majesty, the King,” Natasha said and you could tell she was trying to be as neutral as possible to keep from laughing.

She walked to the side of the room and the knights parted to reveal Bucky. He was dressed much like a knight but he had different symbols lining his suit of armor. You stood from your place but couldn’t bring yourself to take a step towards him.

He approached you and stopped a few feet from you.

“Your Majesty?” You half greeted half asked. ��Your father?”

“Is well,” he answered. “He just thought it was time I leave my days of sleeping in taverns behind.”

His eyes twinkled mischievously and you knew he was recalling the time you shared in his room, was it just a year ago? It felt like a lifetime.

“Why are you here?” You asked shifting under his unwavering gaze.

“I came to thank you,” he smiled, “Because of your bravery, my lands have never been better. My people thrive and live with little to no strife. Our crops are seemingly never-ending.”

“So you are no longer cursed,” you returned his smile.

“More than that, they seemed to be blessed,” he said almost accusatory. Natasha gave you a look, and you may have had something to do with it but you’d never tell her that.

“I do not see why you feel the need to thank me for that, I merely helped you get your kingdom back.”

“H’mm,” he shook his head slightly. “My lady -”

“I am not a lady, James,” you said out of habit, forgetting that he was surrounded by knights who did not know your relationship with him.

“Show him some respect,” one the knights barked. His outcry caused you and Shuri to jump. Natasha, Gamora, and Nebula took a step towards him ready to pounce. “You did not even bow before him. If you are no lady he is your superior.”

“Quiet, Jackson,” Bucky ordered over his shoulder before he turned back to you. “My apologies, My Lady.”

“Apologies?” Shuri scoffed and it took everything in you to no roll your eyes at her. “You come into our land with an army of knights, demand to speak to our leader, and when you are presented to her you fail to not only bow to our queen but you offer her no gift?”

You glared at her from the side of your eye but she’s smiling brighter than the sun.

“He is a king,” Jackson spoke again. “He bows before no one.”

“And you expect other people’s Kings and Queens to bow before yours?” Natasha joined in on Shuri’s fun.

Bucky hadn’t broken his eye contact with you while the conversation went on around you. The continued to argue meaninglessly as Bucky took a tentative step towards you.

“I did bring a gift,” he said just loud enough for only you to hear.

“You really didn’t have to. Knowing you and your lands are thriving is more than enough for me.” You matched his volume.

“I really did though,” he whispered, you only heard it because of your enhanced hearing.

“I already told you, girl,” Jackson told Shuri, “He bends the knee for no one.”

Bucky’s lips turned up slightly giving you the smallest smile as he slowly sank to one knee.

“King James,” you warned breathlessly.

“Your Majesty,” one of the other knights gasped.

The knights watched in shocked mixed with a little bit of horror before following their king’s lead.

Bucky then bowed his head to you.

“Please stand,” you whispered but everyone heard you. Not one of the knights moved to get up because their king was still on his knee before you. “James.”

He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a ring. “It is not in good fashion to propose while standing,” he searched your face for an answer but you were at a loss for words so he continued, “Y/n, My Lady, my love, I have known for a long time that I would never feel for anyone else the way I feel for you. Then I lost you for years before I found you -”

“I found you first,” you reflexively corrected him and he gave you a look before you closed your mouth.

“- Then you were gone again,” he continued, “I do not think I could possibly survive if I lost you again. You tell me that you have no title, that you’re nothing more than a servant’s daughter, no offense my love, but you’re wrong. You have always been and will always be so much more than you give yourself credit for. I once told you that you would always be my lady, I lied, or at least I hope I did. Y/n, I will not order you to do anything you do not want to do, say the word and you will never hear of these feelings again, but I implore you; Marry me? Become more than my lady, become My Queen.”

You were trying to wrap your head around this. You stayed quiet unsure if this was a dream or not. You must’ve been silent for longer than you thought because Bucky’s eyes became fearful before you finally found your voice.

“Yes!” You blurted. “My answer is yes.”

He let out a sigh of relief before standing and pulling you in to kiss you. For half a second it was just you and him in that room before Shuri, you think, cleared their throat and Bucky pulled away from the kiss. He did not let you go as he gazed into your eyes.

“Do I get the ring?” You whispered and he laughed before placing his grandmother's ring on your finger. “Your mother let you have it?”

“She only let me have it because I said I was going to give it to you.”

You ducked your head and Bucky placed a kiss to your hairline.

Two years after Rumlow’s defeat.

You were standing on the balcony outside your chambers. You looked down at your new kingdom where mortals and fae lived in harmony. Yes, there were still creatures of the forest to be feared, but the number of them didn’t seem as overwhelming anymore.

Bucky walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist and placed a kiss to your neck.

“Bucky,” you greeted.

“My queen, Natasha mentioned something to me earlier that I did not know was possible,” he murmured into your skin.

“Which was?”

“That you are now fae,” he leaned away watching for your reaction, “I did not know that you could change morals to humans.”

“I cannot. That is not part of my powers. Natasha can though, but she does it very rarely and that is not normally information she shares with people. Why did she share it with you?” You wondered out loud.

“Because apparently, the second time she saved me, she turned me,” he kissed your neck again as you froze, “She then told me to tell you, it was an engagement present which I find odd because we were not engaged until a year later.”

“Yes well, that just means she also owes us a wedding present,” you joked.

“I thought you did not desire presents from other people,” he turned you to face him.

“I will always accept a present from Natasha.”

“Oh, you will?” He teased.

“Yes, and you.”

“Well, in that case” he backed away from you and dropped your hand, “I have a present that you can unwrap right now.”

“Which is?”

“Me,” he smirked as he sauntered back into the room. You were quick to follow him.

#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes AU #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #mentions of death #lanis2ndmysteriouswritingchallenge

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aion-rsa · 5 years ago

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A Legacy of Slavery in Queen of the Conquered & The Deep

https://ift.tt/36NqDje

We compare two stunning works of recent speculative fiction: Queen of the Conquered by Kacen Callender & The Deep by Rivers Solomon.

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The trans-Atlantic slave trade has formed so many facets of modern cultural relationships, it’s hard to understate the impact of that in human industry. In Queen of the Conquered, Kacen Callendar reimagines the Caribbean in the era of slavery, setting it far closer to its European neighbors and infusing it with magic. In The Deep, Rivers Solomon—basing their novella off of the Hugo-nominated song of the same title from experimental hip hop group clipping (which in turn drew inspiration from the music of Drexciya)—an entire marine species was birthed from pregnant mothers thrown off of slave ships. In their anger, they can cause the seas to rage against the surface dwellers who would continue to oppress them.

While both delve heavily into the consequences of the slave trade, both also investigate the nature of memory, and how memory shapes the self. Callendar narratives from the perspective of Sigourney Rose, a free-born islander who is the only surviving member of her family, who has risen to power in the islands so that she can take revenge on the rulers. Her kraft—her magical ability—allows her to skim the thoughts of others, or delve more deeply into them to gain the secrets she needs.

Solomon works primarily from the perspective of Yetu, a historian of the wajinru, who holds the memories of all her people throughout their history, so that the rest of the wajinru can live free of the pain of those memories. The way both central characters wander through the memories of others offers a second commonality that allows the two narratives to reflect and contrast each other in compelling ways.

Sigourney’s narrative begins feeling much like The Count of Monte Cristo (written by Alexandre Dumas, who was himself the grandson of a black Caribbean slave). The Fjern ruling families of Hans Lollik Helle, the islands that make up Sigourney’s home nation, are responsible for the deaths of Sigourney’s family, murdering them out of spite because Sigourney’s dark-skinned mother, who was born a slave, was invited to the capital by the king, whom, it was rumored, might have considered her as a potential heir. The pale-skinned Fjern cannot bear the idea of being ruled by someone as dark as their slaves, so they slaughter Sigourney’s entire family, not realizing that she has escaped.

After fleeing, Sigourney turns to her cousin, who is among the ruling families but was not aware of the plot; he pays for her to travel in the north, where she is respected as a free woman, and eventually—with the help of Sigourney’s kraft—makes her his heir. She uses his last name to ingratiate herself with another of the ruling families until she can marry into that name, securing herself the same invitation to the capital that her mother once had. There, she believes, she will be able to enact her revenge on the families who murdered hers.

read more: Are You Afraid of the Darkness? A Hopepunk Explainer

But once on the island, things start to fall apart. Refreshingly, her true identity is revealed early on. It changes little in how the other nobles look at her—they hated her for her skin color, and they believe she has as little right to sit at their tables as her mother. Sigourney had planned to use her kraft to convince the king she should become the next ruler, but when she reaches for the king’s mind and soul, she finds nothing, only blankness. When the nobles start being murdered, picked off one by one, in plots she has no hand in, she realizes that the game is larger than she realized, and believes that someone among the nobles is manipulating the king—and the nobles—until no one is left to rule but them.

The twists and turns are unpredictable, and the world of the story is deep and vibrant. Sigourney herself is a problematic narrator. Blessed from birth with her freedom, she fears skimming the memories and thoughts of the islanders, because she knows they revile her. She can live with the hatred of the Fjern, but from those she views as her own people, she can’t stomach it.

But despite this—or perhaps because of if—Sigourney also never truly views the islanders, who she also holds as slaves, as people. She believes that she loves the woman who rescued her, who raised her, and whom she freed, and refuses to see that the woman—who has grown to love her—also has no choice in her own destiny but stay with Sigourney. That lack of acknowledgment makes Sigourney, whose rage and revenge run deeper than any empathy, a difficult narrator to root for, except that the Fjern nobles around her are so much worse. As the novel comes to a close, and the truth of the plot is revealed, the entire story falls into place. The truth may not surprise readers as much as it surprises Sigourney, but even if the twist isn’t a shock, the rightness of the result is so satisfying, readers may well decide to read the novel again immediately after reaching the last page, to see where they missed clues along the way.

Yetu, on the other hand, is a more likeable, hopeful protagonist. Burdened with not only the memories of her people, but also a sensitivity to the presence of others that makes her prefer solitude, Yetu isn’t sure she’ll be able to survive the next Remembering. During the ritual, she passes all the memories back to the other wajinru, so that they can all take part in their history, so that they know who they are. Without the Remembering, the wajinru begin to forget themselves; in their day to day lives, they easily dismiss past transgressions, forgetting them almost immediately after they happen. But if they forget easily, they also crave knowledge of who they are, something restored to them only in the Remembering. For a few blissful days, Yetu will be free of the other memories, existing only as herself. But taking back the memories will kill her, she is certain, and so Yetu flees, leaving her people in the throes of memory.

Although the act may seem selfish, it’s clear to the reader that it’s an act of self-preservation. When she lands in a shallow pond at the surface, at the mercy of the surface dwellers (who care for her as she heals), it takes developing a real friendship for Yetu to begin to view her own people in a kinder fashion. Yetu wants to believe that the wajinru will be able to handle the memories and the pain; ultimately, when the storms rising from the sea make it clear that they cannot, she fulfills her duty, hoping that one day she will find a better way, a new path forward where there is no separation between the historian and the wajinru. The solution presented at the end of the story is a surprise, and the deep understanding the others develop for the pain of history—and the importance of holding onto it for themselves—allows Yetu and the wajinru together to reinvent themselves.

While Yetu and the others have no forgiveness for the two-legged villains who threw their original mothers into the sea, or who threaten their world with climate change and an unquenchable thirst for oil, Yetu realizes that there are individuals who are worth learning about and understanding, whether wajinru or two-legged. And it’s her growth and connection to others that maker her so easy to empathize with, and so easy to follow into the bright surface or the depths of the ocean.

The trans-Atlantic slave trade is never a pleasant topic, and it shouldn’t be. The consequences of that slave trade, and the echoes they have caused throughout history, are painful to consider, and there are few clear paths toward righting those wrongs. The fantasy genre has often turned a blind eye to those consequences, focusing instead on feudal societies where such thorny issues are glossed over or never existed. Bringing that history into fantasy fiction gives readers another lens, another set of perspectives, and a deeper sense of memory—not only for secondary worlds, but for the world where those echoes still ripple across the waves.

Read and download the Den of Geek NYCC 2019 Special Edition Magazine right here!

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Feature Alana Joli Abbott

Nov 8, 2019

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from Books https://ift.tt/33B9jME

#aion-rsa #Books

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q--uee--n · 6 years ago

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So, here’s Part 1 of my shamelessly pandering, fluffy Post-Zero Requiem headcanons/notes because I just want everyone to be happy and content and I don’t care how unrealistic some of these are. fuck

(Note: the following 999.9% disregards Re;surrection and falls in line with the events of the original series.)

Suzaku (Zero)

• at first throws himself into being Zero and protecting Nunnally, not at all thinking he deserves anything but the misery that’s been placed upon him.

• mistakingly believes Nunnally hates him for murdering her brother. She ultimately sets him straight, and though they’re fairly close, there are still moments where Suzaku’s guilt becomes an obstacle to their relationship.

• for the first few months, he is cold and stoic as Zero, but as time passes and he grows into the role, he begins to soften. Still, his Zero is relatively distant and mute compared to Lelouch’s grand, theatrical version.

• misses the hell out of Euphemia and Lelouch (even if his relationship with the latter was more complex than a Rubik's Cube) but, over time, slowly reconciles with their deaths. Slowly especially applies to Euphy’s case. It took a while, but he eventually limits his visits to Euphy’s memorial from once every two weeks to once a month to once every other month to once a year (in the distant future).

• formally reconnects with Kaguya after she brusquely informs him that she’s aware of his identity. She manages to swindle him into having tea with her. Every week. It’s at one of these meetings where he breaks down and apologizes for all the pain he’s caused her, but she reassures him that she’s just happy they’re together again. They often simultaneously laugh and gag at the fact that they used to be engaged, and Suzaku becomes so attached to her, Kaguya’s guard detail starts to become suspicious of his intentions.

• on the subject of his relationships, he, against all odds, becomes close to C.C. and even closer to Kallen. He and C.C. have a weird understanding based on their love for Lelouch, and he bonds with Kallen (once she maneuvers around her own issues) over their mutual painful experiences, which is where they find common ground.

• Gino discovers his identity by accident. Milly does so on purpose. Both are rather bizarre, cautionary tales, but as a result of them, Zero’s personal associates are up by two.

• ironically has a large following among small children, who are at the receiving end of his softest interactions with the public. Mothers everywhere adore him just for that. As do stores that make the most profit selling Zero birthday cakes.

• unironically has a large following among horny young adults. Is the topic of a popular tabloid, Zero Weekly, which mostly speculates about his sex life and what he looks like underneath the mask. He’s scandalized by the magazine, as are Kallen and Nunnally, but C.C. and Kaguya love it.

• utilizes multiple disguises, in part because Kallen refuses to be seen in a public setting with him while he’s Zero for a second time and the rest is because Nunnally just likes putting together outfits for him.

• in the little free time he has, his hobbies consist of feeding the stray cats he’s accumulated over the years, reading poetry (it reminds him of Lelouch and a kinder time when they were friends), and watching the ridiculously bad American soap operas he swears he doesn’t watch. Their content should make bad memories surface, but they’re just so horribly acted, the effect falls flat.

• only after years of it being drilled into his head, he eventually accepts that he doesn’t have to be alone if he doesn’t want to and that the whole Zero thing doesn’t have to be completely miserable.

• still healing from, well, everything but has acquired a loyal support base in the few friends he has, and though he still doesn’t quite think he deserves any happiness he’s found, he’s in too deep to reject it (and there’s no way in hell that anyone will let him).

• cries the first time someone says they love him, halfway out of disbelief because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of anyone’s love and halfway out of relief because he’d never imagined there’d come a day where the phrase was directed at him again.

C.C.

• hangs around after Lelouch’s death because she can, not because she, god forbid, cares about the people in her life. Nope. Not at all, thank you very much.

• lives in Suzaku’s quarters in the palace until he gets so frustrated by the pizza boxes piling up in his room that he asks Nunnally to give her her own space. C.C. is more than happy to move when she learns the room is Cheese-kun-themed.

• formally befriends Kallen after the realization that they’re both assholes with trust issues. They have bi-monthly girls’ nights of epic proportions, ones that usually culminate in a single whopping bad decision.

• is both intrigued and gobsmacked by the fact that Suzaku is still so cordial to her despite the circumstances and the things she puts him through daily. He’s the opposite of Lelouch in every way, but that’s what draws her to him the most.

• may or may not be attracted to Suzaku. It’s hard to tell.

• is online friends with Milly. Neither is aware of the identity of the other, but they’re nonetheless a powerful force that troll the internet with spam and shitposting.

• no one knows her real name. Except for Kaguya, of all people, and no one knows how or when or why they became close enough to be on first names basis, and it just doesn’t make sense at all, to the point where Kallen loses sleep at night thinking about it.

• once recounted the time Benjamin Franklin told her off to Suzaku after he returned from a particularly despondent assignment. Afterward, they stayed up eating pizza and reminiscing over fond memories they had of Lelouch, which allowed Suzaku to see a kinder, more vulnerable side of C.C. for the first time. It also marked the beginning of their weekly sleepovers, though they don’t refer to them as such.

• sometimes goes riding with Nunnally on weekends. The younger girl reminds her of her brother, and like his, Nunnally’s heart is pure and kind. She gives C.C. a warm feeling similar to the one she got from Lelouch.

• is constantly traveling and moving about but always returns to Nunnally and Suzaku’s side at their residence in Japan.

• is well aware of the fact that everyone she’s come to accept as friends will die while she’ll remain living. This is her biggest point of contention, and she contemplates leaving more often than not, but she stays because she can’t leave.

• "I said that Geass was the power of the king which would condemn you to a life of solitude. I think, maybe, that's not quite correct. Right, Lelouch?"

• has stopped accumulating experience and started living.

Kallen

• finishes her last year of high school and, soon thereafter, becomes a full-time college student. Focusing on her education, she takes time off the Black Knights but still works as a reserve officer and is never without the key to her beloved Knightmare Frame. Because just in case, and Rakshata is always updating the Guren.

• resented Zerozaku for months following the Requiem, even though she knew everything that happened was all according to Lelouch’s plan. She overcomes her negative feelings after coming across Suzaku at Euphemia’s grave and realizing he knows the pain she’s suffering. She finds that maybe they aren’t as different as she thought.

• proves vital in helping Suzaku heal and vice versa. They’re both disasters, and they’re opposite in every sense of the word, but all that means is that they never manage to stunt each other, even when they just can’t understand each other.

• after they become friends, C.C. is her second most contacted person. Milly is her first because that woman cannot be trusted.

• begins a charity in her brother Naoto’s name with the help of her mother. The charity is dedicated to reuniting families displaced by the war.

• discovers she has an extremely high alcohol tolerance once she’s of age and could outdrink anyone at any time (”yes, Tamaki that also applies to you. ...Please, Ohgi’s son has higher tolerance than you”) but generally doesn’t fuck with alcohol because she doesn’t like the idea of becoming dependent on it. She makes enough bad decisions on her own, thanks.

• is, like various other members of the original Order of the Black Nights, a hero of the rebellion and a bona fide celebrity, though she still has to work to support herself and her mother and is a tad bitter about that. Especially considering she has all the other “privileges” of celebrity such as sporadic street interviews while she’s on her commute to work.

• because of that one time she danced with Zero at that one party, everyone assumes they’re together, and the media plays it up. She can’t count the number of times she’s had to call in to news stations falsely referring to her as “Zero’s paramour”.

• “True or false? Are you involved with Zero?” “...Involved with–I’m not–who said–” “Ah. You hesitated. Does that confirm our suspicions?” “I didn’t hesitate because that shouldn’t have been a question” “Well, a source close to you informed us of the fact that–” “Source? What source–?” *cue the moment she realizes that the source is C.C. Or Milly. Or both.

• Gino is the source.

• sleeps over at the palace at Nunnally’s invitation when her mother isn’t home and she’s feeling particularly lonely, sometimes sandwiched between C.C. and Suzaku in his room but the bed is more than large enough. It’s weird but it’s comfortable and it makes her feel that much more secure.

• grows out her hair. By the time she’s twenty-two, it’s almost as long as C.C.’s.

• still loves Lelouch with all her heart, but does eventually become open to pursuing a relationship. (”Gino wants to go out with you, doesn’t he? Why don’t you just say yes?” “Just because I said I was open to dating doesn’t mean I want to date Gino, C.C.” “I suppose you’re right. Although that could be because you want to fu–” “One more word out of you and I’ll put Cheese-kun in the shredder.”)

• changes her legal surname to “Kozuki”.

#code geass #code geass: hangyaku no lelouch #code geass r2 #kururugi suzaku #zerozaku #c.c. (code geass)#kallen stadtfeld #kallen kozuki #headcanons #my notes #you don't have to take this post seriously #but i do

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shadows-in-the-light-of-day · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @irinyaclockworker, who wants to drag me directly to hell, it appears. :D

Rules: Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) then tag ten people.

1. Master of the Court (The Evillious Chronicles)

Technicallyyyyy it’s not cheating if you list a character with multiple incarnations, right? :D I have a soft spot for Irina in general, probably due to my dear little sister Irinya’s influence, but Court is absolutely a fave because, well...okay, listen, I too think Gallerian is A Dad, and if I were a kid who it’s likely has never really, ah, had a decent guardian or mentor figure before, and has just been shown a lottttt of parental affection for the first time (I mean, she had Lemy back in Sloth Arc, but that’s babie son affection, not parent affection), I’d probably try to emulate that “father” and start sending souls off to hell too. Also, Master of the Court is objectively a bop.

2. Matsuda Touta (Death Note)

Aw, my first ever fandom fave. Tbh, I probably got a few of my personality quirks from Matsuda. I’d imagine Death Note being the first media I got into after I formed had a lot to do with that. Anyway, there’s a lotttt of dislike for this kid in fandom, on account of him being kinda a dumbass and a very, very clumsy detective. However, he’s a genuine sweetheart, and probably one of the most realistic characters in a show full of geniuses. He questions the morality of both his own side and the side he’s fighting against, and his badass moment in the finale was simultaneously heartwrenching and really, really fulfilling. He’s not perfect by any means, but I’ll defend this silly guy to hell and back.

3. Alluka Zoldyck (Hunter x Hunter)

Okay, so I haven’t actually gotten to the part of HXH where Alluka shows up yet... But from the few clips I’ve seen of her, I’ve already decided that I will be adopting this child and protecting her from the majority of her biological family at all costs. I mean, look at that little face! She’s just babie... (Additionally, trans rights!!)

4. Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Ah yes, Kunikida. Everyone I interact with irl asks me “what exactly do you like about him?! he’s annoying!!” To which I say “yes, perhaps, but he’s interesting”. I mean, he’s somehow both the ultimate idealist and the ultimate pragmatist (you can imagine the problems this causes him), who schedules his life down to the second and really, really sucks at showing his friends he cares. So okay, he’s really annoying. But he’s also very loyal, and genuinely tries to make the world better, albeit rather clumsily. Plus, I want his ability. Please give me the power to manifest stuff out of notebook pages, universe. I am begging here.

5. Ozaki Toshio (Shiki)

While looking for a decent picture of him, I was reminded both of how weird Shiki hairstyles are and of how few screenshots from the show exist. But uh...well, Ozaki is...something, like most of the characters in Shiki. I mean, it really sucks when a sudden summer epidemic turns out to be symptomatic of a vampire invasion, especially when you’re the village doctor in charge of solving this mess. Ozaki’s an extreme pragmatist with good intentions...which, coming straight from Kunikida to him, I’m realizing is a character type that interests me. Guy really needs to quit chainsmoking, though, or he’ll die of lung cancer before the vampires can get to him.

6. Hazel (Watership Down)

(I promise I’m not a furry, just a literature nerd.) Despite the fact that I actually...don’t really like the classic movie adaption of Watership Down, I really, really adore Hazel in the novel and every single adaption. (Having spent a good while in the kids’ TV show fandom, I can appreciate the strengths of just about every version.) He isn’t particularly smart or strong, but he’s good at solving conflicts within the group, and some of his plans are, in my opinion, fairly brilliant. Plus, I find it heartwarming how much he cares about his friends’ well-being, as well as trying to solve issues with cunning and a minimum amount of bloodshed.

7. Sohma Yuki (Fruits Basket)

Today on anime boys I would die for - Yuki! To be fair, I adore basically everyone in Furuba, with a few notable exceptions (*cough*Shigure*cough*), but Yuki will always have a special place in my heart. His arc in the manga focuses a lot on recovering from trauma and putting the past behind you, and while I don’t necessarily agree with his eventual conclusion that forgiving his abusers is the right thing to do, I like that he learns to be kinder and more open with the people around him, and that he genuinely appears to be moving on and healing by the end of the series. (Also, I am sooooo happy with the 2019 reboot anime; it’s doing an excellent job with the story so far, and I can’t wait to see what they’ll do in the future!)

8. Nikki (Love Nikki)

(This is the part where I started having trouble thinking of characters.) Next up - a dress up game protagonist?! Yeah, okay, so I would absolutely die for most of the Love Nikki squad at this point, but the titular character is a particular favorite. A story that started with her miraculously ending up in a world where everything is solved with dress up competitions has somehow escalated into an actual, all out war, and she’s handling it with surprising courage and determination. Nikki is an absolute sweetheart, and I’m sure she has what it takes to save the world! Anyway this has been a moment with Kiril and now I will be taking a break to cry about this game.

9. Vincent Nightray (Pandora Hearts)

So now that Fruits Basket is getting a remake, can I pleaseeeee have Pandora Hearts get the same treatment?! Anyway, it was between Vince and Break for this one, but I went with Vince ‘cause, well...that’s a relatable mood, buddy. Vince’s goal is to basically erase himself from existence, and in a manga that imo has a LOT of commentary about mental illness and suicide, I appreciate the existence of a character who...doesn’t immediately feel better once someone tells him destroying himself wouldn’t change anything, but does manage to live a somewhat fulfilling life after the ‘conclusion’ of the main story. ...Okay, I also think he’s really cute, but anyway. That’s that.

10. Travis Bohannon (The Serpent King)

Aaaaand no image for this one, ‘cause he’s from a fairly obscure and new novel! Being a nerd from Tennessee, I am absolutely the biggest fan of Jeff Zentner’s books in at least the Eastern region, and possibly the world. :D I love all his books, but The Serpent King is especially near and dear to my heart, and I regularly bawl over Travis. He’s what you’d call a gentle giant, I guess; tall, incredibly shy, and obsessed with fantasy novels, his main escape from his absolutely shitty life. The stories he loves eventually give him the courage to take steps to get away from his parents and live his dreams, and I just think that’s a really wonderful and relatable thing. Also Jeff Zentner owes me money for the absolute DEVASTATION of the conclusion of Travis’ character arc. That is all.

And that’s it! I, uh, don’t really like tagging people, but I’ll tag @levinenoel, @super-lisa and @meadowlarkx, who probably won’t hate me for it and are free to abstain from this meme! :D

#ask memes #kiril goes OFF #i hope y'all wanted to read commentary from me bc you've got it

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soul-wellness · 3 years ago

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40 days Resurrection Fasting

Wisdom comes when you come to know that you don’t know much about the mystery and truths of the universe. This moment of realisation is the beginning of your journey in seeking to be divine for we have been made in the image of God.

Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights in the Judaean Desert before the angels ministered to him. It was also 40 days from Jesus’s resurrection to His ascension. The magic number 40 is the period of transformation from conception to birth for a new born.

Furthermore, Noah was in the Ark for 40 days and forty nights until the earth was cleansed of a sinful world before a new beginning. Moses was on Sinai for 40 days, receiving the 10 commandments and he was in the desert for 40 years until he freed the Israelites from slavery into a new existence under the covenant.

And so too will I fast for 40 days just with water. It was with a desperate need to go home that I give my total surrender into a holy mind and heart so that the soul may rise into light. My daily bread will be His words, reading the bible, listening to uplifting Christ songs, watching movies of Christ and meditation. My need to transform and transcend into a new spiritual soul rose above cravings for food, outings, activities or celebrations.

If you haven’t fasted before, please do a trial of 3 days with just water. On the 3rd night, have light bland soup. Too much flavours too soon will make you sick (as I have found out). Listen and feel your body through the changes. Master your mind and cravings. Know that you will not die from not eating solid foods. Feel empowered over this mastery of your mind and body for YOU ARE NOT THE BODY. YOU ARE NOT THE MIND. Set an intention of what you would like to know from God. Ask questions and listen.

Leave 4 weeks in-between before doing the 40 days fasting. Note that from a blood test I was iron and vitamin D deficient so I still took these as recommended by my doctor through the fasting.

Week 1 Fasting: 1st June 2021

Make your intentions clear of the person you wish to be after the fasting. Visualise yourself physically and spiritually what you’d like to transcend into. For me, I was ready to commit myself to Christ and do his work which was to heal people.

Drinking water and coconut juice to get you through the hunger and also add some energy to be able to perform your usual duties such as work, chores and looking after the family. Your bowl movement will slow down on the 5th day and on the 7th day you’ll feel weak and have a brain fog. Drink a cup of almond or soy milk. You can add non caffeine chai and make a hot tea with a bit of honey. This is how I got through the first weak of fasting whilst looking after two robust gorgeous boys 5 and 4 years old. I still had to cook, clean, do the washing, get them ready for school, drop them off and pick them up from school, take them to after school activities, do grocery shopping and wake up 2 times a night when they called out for me. As a family, we still entertained friends at our place with me cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, serving and washing up. We also went out to restuarants to which I sipped on tea whilst feeding the kids. There was no temptation greater than my spiritual journey. Let your thoughts for food come and pass. Just remember that you can have all the food you want after 40 days. I can remember getting hungry once but I filled it with His words from King James Bible and beautiful songs about Christ.

Revelations: Through meditation and visions, I saw half of Jesus face. I see myself as a prophet healing people with Jesus standing behind me doing the real work through me. No one else can see Jesus so people thought that it was me. Know that I cannot do anything without God’s divine hand. In my dream, I see landscape changing from majestic mountains to deserts and I know that one day soon, I shall travel and heal. Jesus gave up his life for love on the cross. He gave up his life for us so that our souls may awake to find him. So too shall I live my life for love - for all. Another revelation was knowing that I had paid all my human debts. My last karma was to nourish and take care of my husband and two boys which is my present moment. I shall saviour this incredibly sweet time and make it the most memorable for my family before my journey outside of this circle.

I was seeking for peace to which they responded by telling me to go inside (of myself) and find God’s voice. I have known Jesus’s tone for decades. His voice- always gentle, patient, kind and divine.

I also dreamt that I was behind a stong thick heavy metal gate or cell and my husband was on the other side. Twice I bent down to pick up something that was thrown near the base of the gate; money or food, I am not sure. This was telling. I needed to break free and fly.

Week 2 Fasting. Self Creation

My body felt more comfortable now, shifting into a new habit of not eating solids. I have lost weight but sometimes that’s a good thing. I’m focused on doing some self care and self creation. The soles of my feet and tips of my fingers have been so rough and peeled from chores and neglect that dried peeled skin were catching on clothes and bed sheets. My face was dry, dull and wrinkled. I did some face masks with fresh aloe vera from the garden, dyed my greying hair and soaked my feet in magnesium salts.

I created a business in health foods of health balls and self care bath scrubs. I sold these to retail store Whitton Malt House and friends. I hope to support my future travels and healing work with the business and pass it onto my sons.

From a dream, I’ve decided to go full time pescatarian again. I had been a pescatarian for a couple of years but ran into some health issues part time vegetarian. I dreamt that I was crouching with a lion in the weeds then the lion pounced on a buffalo. I watched as the lion tore the other animal in pieces, chewing and swallowed bloody flesh. all of a sudden, I felt my teeth sink into raw animal flesh and downed meat drenched in red. I had become the lion but still with human consciouness and started dry reaching.

We have so much food options now that it’s unnecessary to kill animals for meat or produce. This is about self creation and choosing new habits to live healthier and kinder to yourself and the universe.

My husband who is a doctor had been reasoning with me to eat since I started due to future weak bones and organs shutting down ‘where are you getting your vitamins from?’. Jesus was taking care of me but the badgering was exhausting me.

Revelation: God wrote a message in my dream after one of those ‘I am. I am waiting.’ This was my God who guides me and gives me instant peace and assurance. This is your God too. Just listen. You’ll hear Him. Because He hears You.

The next night my message was ‘Be still. Know me and reveal me’. This came after my restless mind got caught up in creative projects and domestic family matters.

The following night they reiterated ‘Your mind is like a twig’ when still my thoughts jumped from social media, to friends, messages and other things. I had to refocus and get back to God.

Week 3. Recommit to the path. Priortise love for Jesus, Family and consciousness. You must know and really feel that your life is full to enable transcendent. That you have everything that you have ever wanted to experience as a human being - love, friends, children, travel and career. Your cup is overflowing. There is no more desire apart being with God.

‘God take me with you. Show me where to walk, I will follow’

This week will be tough. You’ll stop going to the bathroom and have probably lost about 5-7kgs. You’ll be impatient, light headed without much energy. You’ll be tempted by Satan, it’s real. In a dream, Satan said ‘Come with me, God is not helping you’ to which I replied ‘I am with God and God is with me’.

Weak and feeling strangled at home with domestic chores, I went to spend a night alone at The Whitton Malt House, I indulged in reading King James Bible, Meditations by Thomas Moore, Return To The Centre by Bede Griffiths, John Paul II and Jesus and the Apostles by National Geographic. I meditated through the night as well. About 2am, came the realisation that the transcendent to enlightenment was actually the un-creation of the created self to return back to light and love in the original form when the word was spoken. My troubles at home were in fact my fault in not honouring each of my boys (sons and husband) for who they were. I had been imposing on these souls my righteous ways on how and what they should be - controlling, rendering, manipulating, conditioning, disrespecting, unkind, rude and yelling. All to which were resulting in anger, disappointment and causing disharmony in the home. I had been brought up this way that I wasn’t enough and needed to strive, be more and have more in order to be happy. I was bringing up my children the same way and expected my partner to be more too.

With this realisation, my body started to purge out the pain, tension, desperation and ugliness of it all. It didn’t stop till daylight. It got me thinking then, how to uncondition the way that we’ve been raising generations after generations of children who are not enough that was aligned with this spiritual path. It was simple. Just leave their souls alone. They come fully aware ancient adult souls into this world. We all come into this world to return back to light and love. It was my job as a mother to nourish them so that they may live long enough to get to know their soul and re-establish their relationship with God again. No-one is judging you but you. No-one is judging me but me. I had forgotten how to play with life and my kids. My children were in eternal play every single moment. It was I that imposed on their freedom and joy to be on time for a schedule I had made up for them. I lived in other people’s timeframe, other people’s moments and not the present moment of my children nor mine. I have the power to create peace and calm within the home without authorisation-ship and influence. I wanted a way in, not a way out.

No one needs to be anyone but themselves. Life was simple. Life was love. That’s it. Everyone has come back to be loved and return back to love.

Resurrection of the soul was building your own temple within yourself. No members, no institution, no law and authority over anyone. The only law was love and forgiveness. The only word to be obeyed was God’s words.

I emergeged with the morning, lighter, peaceful, healed and resting in love and light. There was no thunderous moment of realisation. Just a silence from God to allow me to choose and feel that moment of bliss.

The message from this first attempt was to uncreate yourself of human expectations to return back to your light. You are enough, you always were. 20 days fasting completed. I aborted the fasting. I had to eat in order to sustain a level head to look after my family. I needed a break through on how to fast without loosing my mind and have energy to take care of my boys.

#40daysfast #fasting #resurrection #godislove #jesuslovesyou #enlightenment

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