#but I'll probably just piss myself off lmao

[1stepforward2stepsbackcarousel]

Now I want you to write it too.

- fellow mcshep trash

Stargate Atlantis "Brain Storm"

Bonus: Live Bill Nye Reaction

[benevolentgodloki]

(Abt the hurt someone anon) s it because ur 500lbs

[snapbackslide]

reluctantly unmuted the canes on twitter for ✨reasons✨, and immediately got a canes reporter's tweet at the top of my dash, upon refresh. yay .. can't wait for this new era 😐

[samsno1]

Honesty

Sam Winchester x Reader

lmao, i'm sorry. this is kind of an au where instead of sam getting the trials...you do! haha......might make a second part to this but i'll see how it'll do. also, in this there isn't the stupid "sam doesn't look for dean in purgatory" because the writers were fucked up when they wrote that, respectfully (or not)

Summary: You finally have a chance to close the Gates of Hell, forever, but everything comes with a cost, the question is, are you willing to pay for it?

Warnings: ANGST, love confessions, sad sammy, kisses, reader sees bobby as a father figure, reader is shorter than Sam, NOT PROOF-READ, english is not my first language

WC: 3.7k

You can learn how to change Y/N for your actual name here

enjoy!

As you lie there, soaked in hellhound's blood, panting after a fight against the creature, the glasses you wore to be able to see it dirty and obstructing your view, Sam and Dean stare at you, frozen and horrified.

You knew they would try and talk you out of doing the trials, especially after Dean's words to both you and Sam before he went on to almost get killed by the hellhound. Of course you two had followed him, even if Dean explicitly said not to, and you ended up under the dog, his disgusting breath fanning on your face as he barked above you, trying to rip your neck off. You knifed it and it quite literally exploded over you, bathing you in his gooey substance.

Now, all of you were in a room, Dean pacing back and forth while Sam just stood with his head down. You had your arms crossed, your eyes accompanied Dean's movements. He was restless, probably angry and desperately trying to find a way to counter this.

“We can find another hellhound,” He argues “I kill it then it's all solved”

“Dean, Crowley will be even more on our asses over this, he will not let his dogs out of the leash” You say, calmly, trying to counter Dean's protectiveness in the lightest way possible. “I can do them”

After you said that Dean stopped pacing around and both him and Sam looked up at you, eyebrows furrowed, almost as if you had just admitted to an unforgivable crime. The crime in the case was wanting to protect the brothers from these crazy trials. You knew how death followed them around like a plague and you couldn't handle losing them.

“No, Y/N, you're not doing these trials” Sam speaks up, a tinge of anger in his tone. Anger, worry. He looked at you, his hair casting a shadow over his face because of the poor lightning in the environment. “You could die”

“Well, too bad Sam” You said and the boys shared that look, a silent conversation between both of them, something that pissed you off in these moments because you had the right to know what they were plotting. “Look, I know you two feel like you have some responsibility over me, this…instinct to protect me ever since Bobby…” You trailed off, the memory of the man you considered to be your father still too heavy on you. Sam frowned and Dean changed his position, on edge. You cleared your throat, the sudden lump bothering you. “But I can protect myself, I can fight my own battles and, honestly? If we do close the gates of hell for good, which battles will be there to fight?” You say with a faint smile.

You look between both of them. They seemed deep in thought. Too deep and that worried you. You slowly walked towards Sam and when he took notice he stiffened up, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed harshly, his eyes taking in your rather dirty appearance. But still beautiful, he mentally stated.

Sam always thought you were the most incredible woman he ever met, invincible even, nothing could ever put you down and you could make everything work your way with your amazing mind and skills. And, obviously, your killer looks always managed to stun him every time, everywhere.

He was used to seeing you in any type of clothing, from suits and dresses to sweats and shirts with corny sayings written in the front, which you argued were comfortable. And you always looked absolutely gorgeous wearing anything. Sam used to think he just admired you, the looks from afar were just friendly appreciation, his yearn to be around you was just a protective instinct, the goosebumps on his skin when you’d touch him were just a natural reaction…

Until it wasn’t just. It was. And that was horrifying.

And it got worse when both you and him spent the last year alone looking for Dean and Cas. Spending so much time beside you made Sam realize what he truly felt towards you and he was scared. Scared to say anything and scared to lose you. So, when you killed that hellhound, his heart fell to his stomach because he knew you would want to do the trials. 

And when you stretched your hand to him, looking directly in his eyes, that determined gaze of yours slicing through his soul, he knew you would do anything to go along with this.

“Sam, give me the spell” You said firmly, not a request, a demand. He swallowed again, still speechless, still frozen, his fist tightening around the small paper which contained the words in enochian you were supposed to recite for the trials to start. You emphasize your demand by widening your eyes angrily and doing ‘come here’ motions with your stretched hand. “Sam”

“Y/N-”

“Dean.” You interrupt, anger seeping into your tone, making Dean shut his mouth into a thin line and a huff of air come out of his nose, just like a child would do when it was refused candy before dinner. He thought he’d seen you like this before, determined, practically unstoppable but boy was he wrong. You were more than insistent and that rang an alarm in Dean’s head. You knew that the one responsible for the trials could die and you were willingly going with it.

“Dean, can you give us a moment” Sam speaks up again and you quirk an eyebrow at him, looking between him and his brother. Sam looks at Dean, his pleading eyes and subtle nod giving enough information for Dean to get the message across. If there is one thing that can make you understand is honesty.

Dean slowly walks out of the room, giving you one last look that said clearly that you needed to listen with an open heart and mind to anything Sam would say. When he closed the door behind him, Sam’s eyes were already on you, trained on your features and you shifted your weight on your feet, his stare intimidating.

“So?” You said, trying to keep your ground. Sam sighed and lowered his head, considering all his options in the situation, he could tell you everything and be either rejected or accepted, he could lie to you, give you the wrong spell and work his way out like he always did and still keep you safe. Honesty. The word echoed in his mind like a chant.

He pushed himself off the table he was leaning on, crossing with you and going towards the bed to sit down. Your whole body accompanied his movements, his long strides making the distance between the table and the bed shorter than it actually was.

Once sat he looked at you and then at the spot beside him on the bed, silently asking you to sit with him and you caved, obliging to him. Your feet were light on the floor, quiet, accustomed to being silent while being a hunter, as you walked to the bed. The hardness of the cushion was not too much of a bother but still kept you grounded. Don’t let your guard down.

After making yourself as comfortable as possible, sitting criss-crossed, you turned towards Sam who was with both his feet on the floor, staring at his hands drying his sweat on his jeans. You waited for him to travel inside his own mind, finding the words, the phrases, the honesty. 

Honesty. Honesty. Honesty.

You swam in your own thoughts, especially those in which Sam was included. And those were the few thousands of reasons you wanted to be the one doing the trials, not him, not Dean. In your time alone, Sam had opened up to you about his want to live a normal life, away from apocalypses, monsters, gods…White picket fence, the whole nine. Dean had wanted that too, hell maybe he wouldn’t let go completely of the hunting but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with demons on his ass, never ever again. You didn’t see yourself getting out.

You grew up in this, much like the boys, but to you was different. You liked it. The adrenaline was like a drug pumping through your veins everytime you killed an abomination and, honestly, family wasn’t your strongest trait. All those whom you considered family were cremated – just because…we don’t usually bury hunters, so you can’t say they are six-feet under. Your love life was most definitely inexistent, you didn’t have time for falling in love with anyone.

Until. You did.

Until you fell. And hard. Face first in a bag of nails because you knew it would be trouble falling in love with Sam Winchester. You were both unlucky when it came to that feeling, always losing, always sacrificing, always in a battle. But how could you not? He was a gentleman in full, kind, sweet, caring and at the same time deadly – no pun intended. He would protect those he cared for with his life, his sense of protection his greatest quality. He was so selfless sometimes it made you mad. You had told him once ‘Be selfish, just this one time!’ and even so he couldn’t. It wasn’t his nature.

Sam wanted out of this and you wouldn’t let him abandon that dream because of you. You weren’t worth his life, you told him once after following a lead on how to open the doors to Purgatory and pull Cas and Dean out that almost got both of you killed. You were crying as you drove him to the hospital, the blood on your hands staining the steering wheel.

He was pale, his hand weekly pressing over the wound on his stomach, his breathing shallow. When you told him that, he trained his tired eyes on your face and in a rough and tired voice told you to shut up. Shut it, jerk. And fainted.

At the hospital you stayed hours by his bed every day. The doctors had told you he would be okay, that thankfully no vital organs were damaged and when he woke up you hugged him tightly, your arms wrapping around his neck desperately trying to make sure he wasn’t going anywhere. His hands soothed you, rubbing your back up and down. You won’t get rid of me that easily, he had said and you laughed.

Ever since then you swore to yourself that you would guarantee that Sam wouldn’t put himself in danger for you anymore and you were not breaking that promise.

“Do you remember the night we met?” Sam spoke and you turned your eyes to his face, his hair shining against the yellow light and worry lines between his eyebrows.

“John had left you at Bobby’s and when I came back from school you scared the shit out of me. I had my gun in hand and everything until Bobby popped up, desperately trying to explain” You said, smiling at the memory. You were all so young back then, Sam was still shorter than you – which didn’t last long – and you had lost your parents a few months back.

“Ever since that night I knew you would be…something in the long run” You gave him a puzzled look and he laughed lightly at your face, his dimples appearing on his cheeks. “I knew you would turn out to be strong, brave and I knew you would end up being one of the most important people to me”

You smiled stupidly at that, your face heating up. You didn’t know what to say to him, your eyes drifting to your fingers over your lap because you couldn't keep his strong gaze. Sam sighed and considered his options, he could either hide his feelings for longer or be honest. Honesty, honesty. The word echoed through his mind like a mantra.

Sam reached his hand to wrap over one of yours, making your eyes shift from your hands to his face again. Physical touch wasn't uncommon between the both of you. Sleeping in the same bed when motels were full, sleeping on each other's shoulders, – more you than Sam given the height difference – hugs, cheek kisses, cuddling while watching movies. But something about this hand hold felt more intimate, like a wave of emotions were being poured over you like cold water. Sam squeezed your hand.

“I can't lose you” Sam said, his voice low because he knew that if he spoke any louder he could break.

“Sam–”

“Y/N. Please.” He begs, even if he doesn't know what he's begging for. Please, let me talk. Please, don't do the trials. Please, love me like I love you. “I can't lose you”

He repeats and you feel like you just got punched in the guts or like a knife went through your chest. He sounded so raw. Those four words meaning more than any poetry you've ever laid eyes upon. You squeeze his hand to ground yourself.

“Can't or won't?” You ask, voice weak.

“Both” He answers. “Both because I won't let you do this and can't because if I lose you I won't know how to keep going.”

You shake your head no, closing your eyes for a brief moment, your memories together flooding in again. His smile tattooed in your brain, his laugh playing over and over like a broken vinyl. You needed to do this.

“If I do this then that means you can finally have a life, a wife, kids…I can't let you lose this.” You say, tears welling up in your eyes. “And I need to do this for you, for Dean, for Charlie…Losing me is just a consequence for the greater good”

Now it's Sam who shakes his head, low breathy no's coming out of his mouth. He looks up at you, eyes watery and those stupid puppy dog eyes staring right into your soul, crushing your heart to pieces.

“You don't get it” He says “When I look into the future I can't imagine–” He takes a breath, considering whether to tell you or not. Fuck it. “I can't imagine it without you. The house, the kids running around, the dog…they're ours.” He stops for a moment, waiting to see if you caught what he meant but you just looked at him, wide beautiful eyes full of confusion.

“Sam what are you–”

“And you're the wife. My wife.” He says and he can see the realization come into your face, slowly. The way your jaw drops slightly, your shoulders tense and your hand squeezes his even harder. Sam swallows but now he can't back away. “So I can't let you do this because if you do it and die I won't be able to keep going because I love you, Y/N. I love you and even if you don't reciprocate I won't stop loving you. You're the first thing I think when I wake up and the last thing I think about once I fall asleep.” He keeps going, almost out of breath once he finishes, avoiding your eyes, avoiding rejection. “So, please, don't”

Don't do this, don't reject me, don't run.

“Sam, look at me” You say, one hand slowly grasping his cheek, your thumb drying a tear that he didn't know had fallen. Once he looked at you he saw you smiling. Smiling with teary eyes. “I love you, too”

You practically whispered and a feeling rushed into Sam's body. Like someone had shot him up with adrenaline and suddenly he was aware of everything around him, your warm hand on his cheek, your hand under his, the white noise of the animals outside. And his own heartbeat.

He closed the distance between the both of you, his lips finally touching yours in desperation. Pure and raw desperation. His hand went up your arm to your neck, gently pulling you more into him and yours slipped to tangle into his hair, running the soft locks through your fingers.

The kiss felt electric and it burned. Burned you from the inside out with the wave of a thousand emotions. Your head went back to those moments with Sam. Your mind was just completely him.

And it was the same for the Winchester.

He already had thoughts consisting mostly of you but now he felt in heaven, like in finally connected with whom he mostly desired, both physically and emotionally. His other hand slipped around your waist to pull yourself over him as he laid down on the bed.

You followed and slightly smiled into the kiss. Until you grounded yourself. Sam wouldn't let you do the trials, not now that you had confessed, not now that he knew you loved him too. So you had to take matters into your own hands.

As Sam laid you over him, you straddled his hips, the kiss continuing into an unexplained hunger and lust for each other. You sensually dragged your hand down his chest, earning a soft gasp out of him, both his hands tangling in your hair, messing up your curls.

Your hand that slid down his body discreetly went into his pocket, feeling for the paper with the spell written on it. You mentally apologized over and over to Sam, your mouth opening to let his tongue in to explore it, butterflies flying around in your stomach. He was gentle, caring but yet hungry and you could feel it.

I'm sorry. 

You pulled away breathless, the paper clutched in your hand and Sam looked at you through hooded eyes, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths and a confused frown on his face.

“I'm sorry Sammy” You said as you got off the bed and started to quickly pronounce the words in enochian, your hands trembling around the paper. Sam widened his eyes once he realized what you'd done, patting his pocket in reflex, knowing you had taken it out of there, and stubbled off the bed.

“Y/N, no, please!” He yelled but it was too late. Once you said the last word an almost unbearable pain cursed through your whole body, knocking you to your knees, a loud groan of pain leaving your throat.

Sam kneeled beside you with a hand on your back, mumbling curses and apologies to you but you couldn't hear him, the pain so strong it made your ears ring. You felt a burn, like you had injected lava into your veins, opening your eyes to see your arms shining. Everything was spinning and the only thing guaranteeing you that you were still alive was Sam's warm touch over your back.

After seconds of excruciating pain you felt it going down and saw your arms returning to their normal tone. You collapsed into Sam's arms and he made sure to hold you tightly, still mumbling apologies with his eyes glossy with tears.

“Why did you do this?” He repeated, over and over. He didn't know if he wanted to kill you or hug you so he decided for the latter. He hugged your frame, pressing your head against his chest with a trembling hand and giving light kisses over it.

His other hand pressed your back against him, making your whole body stay in contact with his. His knees hurt on the hard ground but nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart. He felt helpless.

You opened your eyes to look up at him, a faint smile on your face. You lifted a hand up to his cheek and took a very good look at the handsome man you loved. He was crying but he always looked beautiful, no matter how.

At your touch he closed his eyes, guilt spreading through his body. He touched his forehead to yours, making you close your eyes until you spoke up.

“I did this because I love you” You said and he opened his mouth to protest. You gave him a look, saying you weren’t done. “I love you too much to see you die and I know you can keep going if I die, you are one of the strongest men I know. You’re smart, you’re brave and you went through so much that I can’t let you give it up because of me. And you know I would never, ever, let you take responsibility over this and I don’t want you to blame yourself, this was my choice”

“I can’t– I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m so sorry I got you into this, I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you–” You stopped him with a kiss and he sighed sadly, his hands wrapping around you tighter as if you would disappear at any second. You felt horrible but at the same time relieved. Relieved that if anything happened, Sam would live.

“Don’t say that” You whisper against his lips. “Don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault. This is on me.” You say as you pull slowly away to look into his eyes, the mix of colors hypnotizing you. You felt like you could see every ounce of his soul through those eyes and it was filled with sadness.

Sam was angry, not at you, at himself. The moment he saw the hellhound die above you, bathing you in its blood he knew it was over, that you wouldn’t back away but still he blamed himself. If I were quicker. If I were smarter. The words ran around in his brain. When he looked at you he saw yet another one of those he loved dead. Another corpse that hung over his shoulder.

“We can do this, I can do this. I’m strong enough” You said. Sam knew you were strong but this was beyond you. This was God and Demons and Heaven and Hell. This was biblical and nothing like the things you faced before. He was scared.

“I know you are but what if I’m not?” He asks and you wait for him to continue. “What if I’m not strong enough to let you go if it comes to it?”

“You’ll have to be. If not for yourself, for me. Keep going for me” You reply with a soft look and a slight smile that made Sam choke on a sob and smash his lips against yours.

This kiss was filled with different emotions. Sadness, grief and guilt were poured into it but yet so much love. So, so much.

You didn’t get a verbal answer from Sam but you got plenty of information from the kiss. I’ll try, for you.

And that was enough.

A/N: Notes and reblogs encourage me to keep writing, feedback makes those writings better. Thank you for reading, Xoxo.

[stormflower8]

take some south asian!ballister headcanons

okay so ballister is, at least partially, based off of his va, Riz Ahmed, who is south asian/pakistani (like me!) and speaks Urdu (like me!), so I think I have some stuff to throw in the Headcanon Pot

when ballister was in the orphanage before he did his whole Jump The Gate Out Of Spite And Desire To Become A Knight, he primarily spoke Urdu and was in the process of learning english

also, when people learn english in countries that don't speak english, they typically learn british english, which ties in nicely to ballister's canon accent

this means that he had to learn a fair amount of english at the institute

he might've also been bullied for his questionable grammar and accent by todd and the other knights

ambrosius did his best to help in teaching ballister english and mostly helped in his grammar and vocabulary. they went through a little phase where ballister would pick up more obscure objects and ambrosius would say the english word for them.

ambrosius has only heard ballister speak urdu a handful of times, but every time it happens, he swears he falls a little more in love with him

after he was regarded as completely fluent in english, he didn't speak much urdu, but he never forgot it

post-canon, he once went on a tangent in urdu and nimona heard him and her jaw just DROPPED

"you're bilingual?? why didn't you tell me??" "you never brought it up...?" (doesn't think it's a big deal)

she thinks it's the coolest thing ever and went through a phase where she tried to piss off ballister JUST to hear him talk in urdu

eventually, he realized what was going on and had to sit her down and explain "you don't have to do all that, all you have to do is ask and I'll talk to you in urdu."

she definitely exploited that eagerly, but she still occasionally does the whole "piss him off just to hear the rambling of Words She Doesn't Understand" for fun

ballister has absolutely no idea that both ambrosius and nimona love how he speaks urdu or he would talk way more in it

honestly I love the concept of ballister speaking urdu, but almost always when I'm speaking urdu it's for a joke, so I've kinda ruined that language for myself LMAO

also, about the south asian thing of eating pretty much everything with one's hands,

first day in the mess hall. ballister grabs the food that looks the most familiar to him- rice

sits down at a table alone and starts to eat with his hands (or is it "eat with his hand"? he's only using one hand to eat but it feels strange to have hand in singular here)

immediately todd, who was going to go pick on him anyways, notices and makes a huge deal about it

the next day, ballister did his best to work with the fork, but it was an adjustment and he stuck out like a sore thumb with his clumsiness with the utensils

when he was befriended by ambrosius, they would sit together in the mess hall

at first, ambrosius tried to help ballister become more comfortable using utensils, and ballister was eager to learn

until one day he just thinks to himself "what am I doing? the same thing as todd but nicer?"

that's when he starts sneaking meals into his room so he and ballister can eat in there together- alone, peacefully, and with whatever damn utensils (or lack thereof) they want

ballister would eat with his hands, ambrosius used chopsticks, they would chill and vibe and, when they got older, slowly fall in love (or quickly, if you're ambrosius simp goldenlion)

ballister also teaches ambrosius how to eat with his hands there, and in turn, ambrosius teaches him how to use chopsticks

they continue to eat together in that room all the way until the knighting ceremony, and it was one of their favorite routines

post-canon, the trio had rice for a meal, and nimona saw ballister eat with his hands (probably his flesh hand- even though, culturally, you're supposed to eat with your right hand, I think a prosthetic is a pretty damn good exception)

she stared in shock for a few moments, then slowly dropped her fork and attempted to mimic his motions

ballister noticed and was flattered beyond measure, and was more than happy to help her out

rice is the ONE AND ONLY thing ballister can (and is allowed to) cook, so he makes it whenever he can

and when he makes it, everyone eats it however the hell they want, society standards be damned

I have more south asian related headcanons, but this is long enough already, so I'll do a part two later! :D

-Storm

[dreemurr-fever]

Ok I can't wait til after work I need to yap right NOW because this show will NOT leave my mind

Spoilers for Earthspark season 3 below

Ok so I'm not very good at articulating myself and my thoughts are all over the place so I'll just right it down in a messy list and probably expand on it later:

Breakdown talking about the Decepticons being his family and all that pisses me off. He always referring to Bee as his brother (which is something else I'll yap about in a bit) and yet he keeps betraying him!! Also not to mention how he's basically Aftermath's dad, he literally called him son last season, and after that episode he just stopped caring about him. Didn't even react to his death or even acknowledge him after episode 1 of season 2.

SKULLCRUNCHER!!! THATS ALL!!! I LOVE SKULLCRUNCHER SO MUCH!!! I WISH THEY'D GIVE HIM A VOICE!!!! THEY BULLIED HIM SM IN THIS SEASON 😭

Shockwave and Soundwave stand next to each other and interact. I win! I win!!!! WaveWave is real and canon!!! /J

The treatment of Starscream this season 😐

Actually back to point one, with the amount of "family" talk about Breakdown makes me curious on what happened between him and the Stunticons? I wonder if one of the reasons he wants to go back to Cybertron so bad is to reunite with them?

I love the reference to the iconic Shockwave cover from the Marvel comics

I WANT FAIREMAESTRO DEAD HES THE WORST VILLAIN THEY'VE EVER COME UP WITH PLEASE HE'S SO ANNOYING

Episode 2 was eh not the worst (that goes to episode 3, I fucking that that guy) but yeah. I kinda like the subtle hints they dropped with Izzy.

Also I wanted to see the Kaiju in the movie :(

I giggled at the mole bot staring at it's reflection as and tearing up

I'm not even going to talk Abt episode 3

EPISODE 4 IS GREAT BUT ALSO UGH SO MUCH I NEED TO SCREAM ABT

IM GOING TO GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY, WHY DID THEY GET RID OF THE CONS AFTER THIS?! Like I'm actually happy the Cons actually won this time and they get to go home which totally means we finally get to see Cybertron next season. But after only ONE episode with the Cons, and one with Frenzy and Laserbeak making an appearance, THEY JUST GET RID OF THEM????

I'm so glad that this episode starts off immediately with the Ark falling. They wasted no time they KNEW we were here for Prowl and they delivered.

Speaking of that bastard, he's such a prick to everyone who's not Optimus AND I LOVE HIM

Prowl racism arc too 😭 him calling the kids organics and then asking if they're OP's PETS???

His look of disgust when Mo corrects him? I love him

I wish they referenced other bots sighs and kicks a rock... BUT!!! I'm glad we at least got some news as to what's going on on Cybertron when Prowl was last there. We know that Decepticons are in control of the space bridges last he checked.

The Decepticons being more than ready to beat the shit out of Prowl as soon as Shockwave allowed it??? They have BEEF with that guy. You KNOW Prowl is the most hated Autobot lmao

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part IV (with a bit of spoilers)

Lestat's narration has gotten so much better actually. I mean, I still don't care when he talks about stuff that doesn't have an effect on him, but when he describes things/people that actually do? It's great. It's just so vivid, rich, colorful, sometimes even abstract that simply makes me giggle and kick my feet. When he gets really thoughtful about life, vampirism, existence, religion, morality, feelings, theater, music etc, it feels like borderline insanity, but in a brilliant way? Feels like I'm tasting some crazy drug and tripping, but it's so good? It activates a very specific part of my neurodivergent brain and I love it because I'll also be having those crazy thoughts all by myself with nobody to talk to and Lestat just gets it.

I also love the excess of exclamations on this POV haha.

Sometimes it just feels like a naive child telling things and is kind of endearing.

ARMAND!

Armand in Lestat's words: he was beautiful, ethereal, sublime, exquisite, delicate, soft, perfect, a Caravaggio painting, a Da Vinci painting, an angel, I found myself in him, the possibility of him, I didn't pay attention to [whatever] because I was looking at him etc etc.

Basically calling him the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, really.

Like, I legit MEMORIZED some of them. Lestat was THAT repetitive lmao.

I don't know if it's because the words were so superlative or because Lestat had it that bad or because I have it that bad just thinking about it, but yeah.

I'm not even kidding when I say I need to take pauses because this is kind of unsettling.

I'm so serious, but I feel like reading Lestat's description of Armand has a bigger effect on me than the prettiest person I have ever seen in freaking R E A L L I F E? What the hell, WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

Lestat, tone it down, I'm begging you.

Been told Armand is really that gorgeous and every character talks about him that way, so apparently he isn't exaggerating... I'm gonna lie down, bye.

It's even worse because I just picture show!Armand because he's even more handsome there so it makes me dizzy.

Also because Lestat won't miss an opportunity to talk about his beauty? He LITERALLY says it EVERY SINGLE TIME he sees Armand. I'm not joking, I swear on my own life. I'm like, OKAY, WE GET IT? ENOUGH!

Armand (Lestat's version) on season 3 will be insufferable and I'm so ready for it. But also not ready yk.

At this point I'm basically just drooling over him and I don't care.

PERFECT casting with Assad. He incorporates Armand like no other. Everyone on the show is talented and I can see them as their characters, but there's one thing or another that I imagine differently sometimes? But not Armand, like, my Armand looks, walks, moves, talks, stares etc the exact same way Assad does it on the show. Every single time. The others are like, 90% or something for me, but Assad is 100% my imagination? It's like he traveled in time, stole my 2024 thoughts, went back to the past, auditioned, got the part and then played it exactly the way I see it today. It's crazy.

Wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, they already have all these possessions going on, what's more to our little satanic show lmao.

Also, great casting with Assad because no man with red-ish hair has looked this good ever. It just doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.

Armand is a beauty God, but also a really good character and I love his lines. Even when I don't agree with him, I just find him fascinating, the role he has on the story, what he represents, the way he moves the plot, whatever the effect he has on Lestat etc...

Armand's moments are never boring. He'll probably piss me off later, but right now I'm having a great time and the book has never been better.

Lesmand's/Armandstat's moments are always heated. The tension is always there. I'm not telling you what kind. Actually, I don't even know it myself. Do THEY even know?

Sam said something about how you're never sure what they are and I think he's right? At least for now. Let's see it after all the books.

They also act like they've known each other forever, have this crazy history that goes through centuries and they already can push each other's buttons... But they actually, like, only know each other for 5 minutes? CHILL?!

They're sort of soul ties/mirrors/foils/two sides of the same coin-coded in an appealing way.

I guess I can say Armand is my favorite character right now. I always read it faster when he's there, I'm always looking forward to seeing him again, I'm fine when I don't see Gabrielle or Nicki, but I'm always like, BRING HIM BACK. I don't know if I should be worried I'll grow into hating him when stuff happens or if I'll just be an Armand apologist lol. I'm scared. But let's wait to see it.

Samssad on season 3 will be delicious. Specially on the 1700s flashbacks. I'm expecting almost, if not EVERY scene of them there to be INTENSE. Great acting potential there.

I really want to see a moment with Armand and Lestat in a church like on the book? Let's take their angelic faces and curls to the next level. Put them in a church, surrounded by religious figures, stained glasses, candles etc. I don't even care what the context will be. They can be talking, silent, killing each other, doing something else, doing all of it, but give me the heavenly visuals. Actually, if they want to film the entire show in a church they can, it would be so aesthetically pleasing. Bonus points if they use Gothic churches because I'm extremely obsessed with them. Bonus points if they use Sainte-Chapelle because I'm kind of even more hyperfixated on that. I mean, it would never happen, but it should *shrugs*.

Btw, the mess Armand made in the house and the way he was reading the books is very neurodivergent of him.

The way he prefers to talk telepathically instead of speaking out loud is very neurodivergent of him as well.

Nicki is soooooooooo doomed by the narrative, omg. Anne didn't even try to hide it.

I'm not really sure how I feel about Nicki except that he needs therapy...

This is probably the silliest comment so far, I'm no longer thinking clearly after Armand's introduction. Sorry, guys. It will happen again.

The next chapter has his name so I'm scared, but also excited.

P.S. Nothing is permanent, opinions might change and this is based on Lestat’s narration, which can be unreliable. I’m reading the books so I can find out more about the characters, what potential events might happen in the show, what I can expect etc. This is my favorite show in the universe, so I want to be as informed as possible. I have no idea if I’ll become a legit fan of the books or not, but so far I’m enjoying it. I’m posting these comments only for fun.

[p0rkbun]

SAM CARPENTER FLUFF — headcanons

⤿Pairing: Sam Carpenter x Reader

⤿Content Warning: None, just fluff, maybe cringe writing, implied kpop listener reader

⤿A/N: okay i was chatting with ai sam and these are from character ai and made me think 'hey she would do this'. It's cute headcanons, i should have did this on her bday but instead i photoshoped her with hearts and a hat LMAO. Also I didn't spell check this I'm sorry. Enjoy ���

navigation✧

──── Sam is the type of girl to ask what your favourite music genre or artists/bands when you ride a car together the first time because she wanted some music in you two's lovely ride. When you tell her, she keeps it in mind and put it on next time.

"Aespa?" She asks, you nod as she keeps her eyes on the road "okay, aespa, i'll remember that." She smiles while nodding, repeating the name in her head.

──── You two went to the movies on your first date (cheesy i know) you picked a horror movie, she probably didn't like that bit it wasn't a slasher movie so it made her feel a bit better. When you two were watching the movie, there was a jumpscare and you flinched slightly while leaning towards Sam out of defense. She let out a small smile and would purposely offer her arm for you to grab in case you get really scared (she was probably a bit frightened too but she's being brave because she wanted you to grab her arm, she just like your touch that's all).

──── Let me tell you something, this woman radiates The Neighbourhood, especially the songs Female Robbery and Reflections. I don't know if she would listen to it but she is the personification of almost every The Neighbourhood song.

"We were too close to the stars, I never knew somebody like you"

"I see my reflection in your eyes"

"I see myself in you, baby"

(This is a heavy reference to my oc LOL)

──── Sam wouldn't be very knowledgable of video games to me, though i feel like she plays mobile games like candy crush or something. She would sometimes watch you play video games when she's passing by or sitting in the same room, she comments on what you are doing or how you are doing that and questions why you didn't shoot an enemy.

"Baby why didn't you shoot that guy? You could have taken him" She says with a confused look, watching you play valorant on the tv screen.

"Sam that's not me, I'm spectating another teammate-"

"What's that red triangle thing on the top?" "That's the spike" "the spike?" "It's a bomb" "oh...okay"

──── The time you convinced her to play, she was a little lost and asks you questions often. She gets the hang of the controlls and is actually pretty good. She would get a little mad when someone steals her kill, she rages with a frustrated sigh everytime she got killed too much. She talks back to every toxic players in the game, she was cursing at the screen and she looked absolutely pissed so you had to turn the game off before she threw the controller at tv out of anger. You don't let her play any fps game again. Not only for her sake but for your precious tv.

──── She absolutely enjoys watching you play story-based games, especially when you two play and make decisions together. She probably cried after playing tlou and life is strange. Besides that, she doesn't play video games unless you play it.

──── This woman is so protective, overprotective I say but you all know this. If you wanna go out, she's going too, she keeps a hand on your waist every time you go to public places. Definately death glares anyone who is looking at you/both of you weirdly or too long.

"You got a problem?" Sam snaps as she holds your waist protectively when she sees a guy eyeing you oddly.

──── It does get a little too much sometimes but you like her protectiveness. She gets jealous too but it's more of insecurity, you have to reassure her that you love her and no one else.

──── She likes holding you, has a hand on you all the time. She likes the feeling of you around her arms because she knows that you're protected by her. Because of that, she also takes care of you and reminds you of stuff. She asks if you eaten, drink etc. She reminds you to take a break whenever you're working too much, alternatively she brings you the food she cooked while you work on your projects. Despite this, she also loves being held and cared by you, it flutters her heart whenever you're taking care of her and cooking her favourite meals after she comes from work. She likes the sound of your heartbeat when you two cuddle and she has her head on your chest.

──── I know i said that she holds you 24/7 but when you two cuddle, she's the small spoon, whether you're short or tall.

──── She's very delicate and soft with you, like i said, she wants to protect and take care of you. She is a tough cookie but she's whipped for you. She gets a little dramatic when you get injured a teeny bit.

──── Have you seen her arms? Her beefy arms and abs are your favourite things in the world besides her. She works out often, you go to the gym with her once in a while and you really love the sight of her working out. You ended up gawking her the whole time instead of working out as well, she notices and teases you with a smirk while sweat is dripping off of her muscular body.

"You like what you see, baby? Y'know, you could have told me that you wanted to stare at me while i work out instead of pretending to wanna work out with me" She chuckles as she lifts her weights "Don't get ahead of yourself." you reply with a flushed face.

──── She doesn't show affection in public that much unless she got jealous but in private she loves kissing and showering you with love. Her kisses are soft and slow, she really is being delicate with you. Though in other occasions (*cough* intimate moments *cough*) you two make out and she practically is eating your face as she pushes down on the bed. She just loves kissing your lips, neck and shoulders. She is very much a big soft teddy bear ♡

A/N: I accidently posted this halfway OH MY GODHSJSBSJS. Sorry if there's any spelling mistakes or grammar issues, english isn't my native language 💔. Anyways, I love you and please comment your thoughts ♡♡♡♡ i might edit this constantly after i post it...

°.✧•—✦

[lagomorphics]

Majora's Mask remaster for the Nintendo Switch OLED screen could you please make a relationship chart for your AU's 🥹👉👈

ABSOLUTELY. SMILES. i've only made charts for narigoatlamb / narilamb but at some point i'll probably do some big charts including the bishops and other side characters :)

PUTTING IT UNDER THE CUT THOUGH BECAUSE THIS GETS. VERY VERY LONG. because i looove overexplaining myself <3

starting with lucky card!! since i'm still working out everything for how i want these threes dynamics to evolve i only have one version of their relationship </3 but heres my longass ramble on each dynamic:

Ines and Jahel's relationship kinda takes front and center for most of the au, since they're in close proximity most of the time, and they care about eachother A LOT. pre-Ines' deal they were 'friends', and only got closer because of All This Mess. Ines likes the fact they can be themself around Jahel, and Jahel loves Ines for all their snark and charm <3

Ines and Nari spend a lot of time having a very hot n cold relationship. Narinder usually texts Ines and holds the deal over their head to get them to go somewhere or come to the casino for something, which pisses Ines OFF because they like DOING THINGS, NARINDER. Nari has a very hard time being emotional and is practically A Wall, and Ines is. well. the opposite. Ines does think Nari is extremely hot, and (while annoyed) does go along with the deal they have, but it's only really late into things do they actually start to genuinely Fall for Nari. Nari falls first, because Ines' presence starts becoming less of an annoyance and more of something she.. really enjoys. Sorry about the divorce in their future

AND FOR THE MOST STRANGE OF THE BUNCH. HOO BOY. Nari does NOT trust Jahel (for very funny reasons. haha. lmao. lol.) and thinks they're going to ruin everything she has been trying to accomplish. Jahel is doing everything they can to convince her like "hey. i know. i swear i'm not that." but its. a very very slow process. The two probably wouldn't ever be alone with oneanother until like halfway through the plot, where Nari DOES try to kill Jahel. lol. it's fine. I'd say after that they'd start trying to get along a little better. They don't fall in love until post Nari's 'defeat' though

i also included a little funny. Jahel has another connection that they feel very very conflicted about :) wow i wonder who that is. aha. whaat. runs away extremely fast.

SNAH au <33 three lil versions of their dynamic evolving (can you tell i REALLY rotate this au around)

to start off; when Narinder was TOWW, Lambert was VERY infatuated with him, to the point that they kinda convinced themself that despite how much he talks about sacrifice, they would be the exception. To TOWW though, he grew to care about them and admired how vengeful they were, but watched as that vengence slowly cooled and mellowed out, almost resenting it. He always planned to sacrifice them, because to him; what's a greater honour than that? he promised he'd make theirs meaningful, though. Obviously Lambert did not like this in the slightest.

Post-defeat and for the early days of their relationship, Nari just kinda hated them really bad. To him, Lambert took EVERYTHING from him, including his own death. my Nari is.... not the most stable at the start? he struggles a lot mentally, and (if the day ever came) he knew he wanted death to be his end, to not even have That pissed him off. Lambert, however, still has lingering feelings for him, because at the end of the day, Narinder was like a friend to them. he did listen to them, let them spend time with him, gave them advice etc etc... so it hurts a lot to know that a) he was gonna sacrifice them (they are very pissed off about that still) and b) he is actively making everything difficult. it does not help that Nari is able to read minds and can use magic, hes causing problems and its stressing them out </3

they do eventually get to a point of being friendly though!

AND THE LAST ONE. so in SNAH, Nari DOES die at a specific point (lol), and it is an extremely rough time for both of them because Narinder realises Oh actually. i dont want to die. and his time in the afterlife is horrible, and Lambert is freaking the hell out because Holy shit. Hes dead. Oh my god. They actually personally go and retrieve his soul because the last thing they wanted was to potentially fail the resurrection ritual, but after all that happens they both just... grow closer. Narinder realises that Lambert cares about him so much, always reaches out for him and is ready to catch him at any moment. He realises he does still care about them, and he also starts to appreciate mortal life and everything way more. what dying does to a mf.

Nari dying also made Lambert realise their infatuation HAD changed into being genuine love and care, and also it hurt really bad to see him like that. it also helped them connect better to the domain they now rule over, and just... they realise that they never want to see him hurting like that again. they really do love him and want him by their side, if he wants that too. (they get. way better at Being Normal about their own emotions)

AH!!! AGH!!! (BLOWS UP)

[callsignmist]

A Dreamy Moment.

FIRST JACOB FANFIC IM PISSING MYSELF😭- (that was an attempt at a pun, i hate myself rn lmaooo)

ALSO G/N READER CUZ EVERYONE LOVES HIM

(Based on that one dream I had ;D )

( Btw if this is bad I'm so sorry I'll try better next time lmao)

It was quiet. Well, as quiet as it could be with two people in a room. You were laying on Jacob's chest. You could hear his heartbeat. It was fast, but calming. You also felt the way his chest rose when he breathed in, and fell when he exhaled.

All of the sudden, Jacob hums lightly.

"You asleep?" He lightly chuckles, and kisses your forehead.

"No, I'm just listening to your heart." You reply, smiling to him.

A few minutes of silence pass by, as finally Jacob speaks up.

"Top or Bottom?" He asked. Maybe as a joke, or maybe he was just curious, I wouldn't know that's going on in his head.

"Me? Oh, I'm a switch. But I've more often been Top. But I kind of wanna try to be taken care of once." You giggled, mostly to yourself.

Jacob whispers something, however it wasn't audible. And in the blink of an eye you were flipped on your back, Jacob hovering on top of you.

he looks down at you, and smirks.

"How about we switch it up a little? I could make you feel so good~"

You were surprised and flustered. He pinned you to the bed and you couldn't escape his hold. Not that you wanted too.

You nodded, feeling hot, but still shocked from the sudden placement.

"Hmm, you look so pretty darlin', but somethings missing.."

He starts to kiss your neck, leaving hickeys and love bites. You start to hum lightly. He made you feel good. You were really enjoying this.

His kisses trailed down from your neck, on your collar bone and reached your chest. He stops here, looking up at you again. "C-can I?" He starts stuttering. You nod again, biting your lip and blushing.

He continues to kiss down your chest, all the way down to your lower stomach. He lightly touches you and slowly pulls down your undergarments, making you whimper. He had been teasing you all this time, praising you for your whining and moaning. But you needed more. You felt wet and you wanted him to take care of it.

All of the sudden, he stops.

"Maybe I shouldn't get you all aroused now." He teases you. " we still need to make dinner and you have work to do and-"

You cut him off.

"Fuck Jacob! Don'tstart something you cant finish! Please- fuck I BEG you. i-i, i need you right here, please Jacob."

He just smirks. "You need me that badly, huh? You want me inside you sooo much hun?"

"Don't worry darlin'. We've only just started~" The last sentence was deeper and harsher, but you loved it.

He pulled your underwear and kissed your pelvic. Then he started to rub in between your legs. It felt so good, yet you wanted more. You moaned while his hands did the magic. A little more, and you felt your climax point. Fuck- you were gonna-

Jacob kissed you passionately, and went faster. You were almost there, and-

Jacob Wakes up with a jolt.

No. No, no, no, no, NO!

IT WAS A DREAM! FUCK.

Fuck…

He wipes the sleepy from his eyes. His sheets were wet and sticky, And his newly taken photos of you were too.

Damn, he had forgotten that he fell asleep looking at them.

It's okay, i'ts okay. He has a lot more of them. He looks around his room. Every single wall in his room was filled with Polaroids (the dates written in red ink). He also had a big corkboard, with probably all information about you. You would've never known about this. Heh, it's okay, though. It's only a matter of time before you two get together. He smirks.

*bu-Ding*

Oh, a message? Jacob stood up and checked his computer.

*YourName has accepted your friend request!*

They accepted! Perfect.

Oh my darlin'.

you and me, are really meant to be….

A/N: OMG I'm dying. Bro I'm OBSESSED over this man ;-;

I'm gonna try to post more and all that, and I might do some fanart :D

Hope you enjoyed!

(Jacob belongs to @carnivorekitty)

<333

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

I have started Like A Dragon! I've actually already made it to chapter 5.

Why hadn't I made a post already, then?

Well, there's no sugar-coated way to put this so... let's just rip off the bandaid now.

I haven't really enjoyed myself playing this game this far. Yet. Maybe I will at some point. But for now I honestly just haven't had much to say in terms of what's happened in the plot besides the beginning. I don't hate the game, it's just that it hasn't been able to really hook me in yet.

I'll keep going since I've heard this game is one of the generally more loved ones in the franchise. And I know RGG loves its slow burn.

I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but I wanna be totally honest. I doubt y'all would want me to lie about how I feel about the game.

More about all that right at the end of the post. I will list my positives and negatives when it comes to this game (and talk about the battle system) down there.

I know this type of thing is common in RPGs, but I like it all the same. Neat little game mechanic. There's quite a few different ones here, but it's cool.

An interesting background for a main character. Yeah, being an orphan is more than common. But being raised by the employess in a soapland and the townsfolk around him? That's really out there - in a good way.

This was very sad. Ichi lost 15 years of his life to the joint and got nothing in return. The shock and disappointment on his face when he was released and there was just. No one waiting for him.

And after that, all that awaited him was just... betrayal. That's just brutal. I fully understand why Ichiban went into Total Denial Mode for a while; it must have been a totally incomprehensible and shocking situation.

-He got out of prison after 15 years and where he expected to find his family waiting for him, he found nobody. AND he suddenly had the freedom of choosing what to do, when to do it and where to go after 15 years. That can be scary.

-He witnessed how much the world and general society had changed in his absence and probably felt very confused.

-He saw his home totally wrecked and abandoned.

And now his mentor and beloved patriarch, the one who saved his life. The man he would have happily been ready to die for at any moment. That man had changed completely and acted like he didn't know Ichiban.

Yeah... the denial, frustration and desperation are totally valid.

Oh dear. Well, Kiryu wasn't there anymore, the Tojo upper brass kept changing and there was constant conflict within the clan itself. It was just a matter of time before Omi would take advantage of the situation.

I hope Majima and Daigo are okay. Or at least alive ;-;

*Faint sounds of Majima cackling in the distance*

Oops. Majima better hope Ichi doesn't find out who the driver was lmao. I feel bad for Ichiban, but I also love how this single random idea of Majima's still has these consequences that are brought up, even after all this time.

God bless Nanba. He's a sweetheart. That's all I can say about him. I also kinda like Adachi. I'm not attached to these side characters yet, but they're neat. I think they'll grow on me eventually, it's just that I tend to be slow when it comes to becoming attached to new characters.

Legends say that if you pull this bat out, Shinada will appear in front of you and ask for some money....

I did play through the whole soapland thing and then some. I don't have much to say 😭. We do have a woman fighting with us, finally after all this time! #Girlboss

I would honestly happily die for Nancy. No questions asked.

OKAY UHH POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES.

Positives:

-Ichiban

-Interesting premise

-The different jobs satisfy my hyper-optimizing, excel-sheet-making, micromanaging self

-Funny enemy titles like "Piss Wizard"

-Free full heal spots my beloveds❤️

-Voice acting (in the Japanese dub at least) is excellent

-Substories have been fun!

Negatives:

-EXP yield is... not optimal; grinding takes FOREVER unless you go fight higher-level people than yourself, but then the battles can take ages. Job exp grinding especially feels about as pleasant as pulling teeth.

Am I supposed to grind in this game?? I've started to wonder about that since it's such a slow process. I have absolutely no idea. Have I missed a thing that helps exp gain??

-Unless you get lucky with the ability to find treasure, money yield can be tight at times, too. Which is rough, considering the cost of gear with 4 team members (and probably backup members later).

-The premise is cool, but the stuff I've played through in terms of the plot after leaving Kamurocho hasn't been very interesting to me this far (early-to-mid chapter 5) :/

-Substories don't give you EXP 😭

How about the elephant in the room - the battle system?

Well. I'll come out with it straight away; I'm very, VERY picky when it comes to turn-based combat. Shin Megami Tensei and Persona have unfortunately spoiled me too much, so this game had some unfairly MASSIVE boots to fill. And it didn't quite fill them. My bar is way too high and I acknowledge that 100%.

I get that they didn't want to make the system completely "passive" by just having to select moves and it all going smoothly from here. But I dislike the timing-based quick time stuff in the middle of attacks and perfect guard. I can pull off the attack dmg boost thing most of the time, but perfect guard is just... it feels way more difficult to pull off than Tiger Drop in any previous game. It's very frustrating. I frankly feel stupid, having this difficult a time with it.

Grinding is further hindered by spread moves being kind of unreliable - if the enemies are spread out, you're only hitting a single foe. For now. Maybe there will be better moves later on.

Idk if it's just me, but characters' MP pools feel very limited compared to the cost of the moves combined with how little damage you do at times? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm in the earlier parts of the game, but I feel like I have to be replenishing MP constantly.

I like how all the different types of gear can have additional special effects. It's neat.

All in all the battle system feels... very laborius. I can work with it! Absolutely. I'm just not the biggest fan.

God, I wish I could just gush about this game and sing its praises, but that's not happening yet by a long shot. This far? Maybe a 6-6.5/10. I hope my opinion changes for the better as I progress; I really wanna love it as much as other fans seem to.

[genericpuff]

I get asks like these a lot asking for my opinion about other webtoons outside of LO and Let's Play and ima be honest with y'all, if I haven't talked about it on this blog already, I probably don't read it. It's not for any lack of wanting to read comics, but it's sort of the nature of the beast - once you start making the medium you consume, you wind up with a lot less time to actually consume it. I don't keep up on nearly as many webtoons/webcomics as I used to, and it's partially because 1.) I'm too busy making them, 2.) the current oversaturation of the market means I'm not gonna really be compelled to try and read things unless it's something I'm really interested in, and 3.) I have ADHD so I already have a hard time starting new stories as it is, I often prefer just keeping up on comfort series that I know I like even if there are only a few of them LOL I know that means I'm likely missing out on a lot of great stories out there, but I can only keep up on so much stuff :')

Most of the comics I read nowadays aren't even on the WT app, it's stuff like Tale of Two Lovers, Alfie, Tamberlane, and Awkward Zombie. And whatever I DO read that's on the app, it's stuff that's being made by friends or stuff that fits a special interest that I've been following for a while. So webcomics like Time and Time Again, City of Blank, SHE MAKES HUNGRY, Growing Up Gerudo, Loving Reaper, and Zelda's Lullaby.

I'm frankly a bit old school so a lot of the stuff I read tends to be stuff that has its own independent site OR completely outside of the realm of webtoons and more into traditional publishing like manga.

That said, I do try to stay up to date on webtoons and newer series as much as I can as it's good for me to stay updated on what's going on in the industry and it means I'm exposing myself to new ideas and techniques, but I struggle with just picking up a webtoon and bingeing it for 10-20 episodes to see if I like it. So many of them now tend to just be the same thing with slightly different coats of paint. And I'm definitely not gonna pick up a webtoon just because people want my opinion of it, sorry but that's just not how this works LMAO Especially if it's a webtoon that people are expecting me to be critical of because it's written poorly, like why would I subject myself to reading something that I know right off the bat probably isn't gonna be enjoyable? Sure, if it's something REALLY bad I'll check them out to see what people are going off about or so I can form my own opinion, but I also don't want to be regularly subjecting myself to garbage that pisses me off when I could be reading stuff that brings me joy, I spend enough time being pissed off at LO and Let's Play as it is. I know, that's likely wild coming from me of all people, but I do like to enjoy things LOL It's not like I went into comics like LO and Let's Play hating them right off the bat, I actually used to really like those comics, until they either fell off or I spent more time reflecting on them and I realized how poorly written and drawn they were.

So no, sorry, but I don't have an opinion about webtoons like Unordinary or I Love Yoo or whatever have you and I can't guarantee I'll ever get around to reading them. If I do have an opinion about a webtoon, believe me, I'll post about them unprovoked, you won't need to ask me for them LMAO

[sweatandwoe]

bioware da:v stuff

Ohhhhhhh, I forgot about it being multiplayer originally urrrggHHGGG nightmare nightmare

EA/BIOWARE execs I hate your flaccid brains.

They do claim to "have a mastery of the frostbite engine now" but an RPG should never have to be forced into that FIFA engine! It looks so "bloomy" & waxy, the camera jerks around to be "immersive" when the character runs. It feels like they were told to keep adding post processing effects so some suit could say he punched it up.

I still hope the gameplay will be fun/wellmade but I have to admit I personally don't care about how heavily the story is going in on elves as the one important™️ race to the world setting.

I'm playing BG3 & DOS2, trying to tell myself I can't compare Bioware to Larian as they are very different styles of RPG studio but oogh more time passes & the more I enjoy the way Larian does it. As an ancient Bioware game fan, it stings.

BIOWARE CRITICAL (I ranted more than I thought)

Frostbite Engine is probably why we also got an art direction change, that feels closer to Fifa. It wouldn't surprise me if that's also where the hair physics comes in, as Fifa does have that. It doesn't look bad to me, however, I saw someone describe it as Pixar-lite and I can never unsee it. Also, the Megamind Qunari was certainly... a choice.

Also Frostbite used mostly for multiplayer games and the scrapped live service/multiplayer DA game, also got used here. From just a lot of elements that I don't wanna go into here (this post is already very long)

I think the combat actually looks fun but I've seen people call it CRPG still and no, it's an action RPG. I wouldn't expect anyone to go and expect BG3 combat (Or story elements). I do wonder if it'll get old quickly though, and also that the monster designs aren't scary at all and look really goofy. The Ui/hud stuff during fights is also pretty messy and I hope they have options to remove things from it at launch.

Putting the rest under a readmore, I went in depth lmao

Elves are taking certain front, but also it feels like in a weird direction. We're in Tevinter, Dwarves have strong relations with Tevinter but there isn't even a faction related to them? Also, we have a high focus on the elves, which is to be expected with the plot of the last game.

But also we're in Tevinter and I haven't seen, ya know, any mention of the slavery, which elves are a major portion of. Like none of the ads talk about it (which could make sense). No articles I see mention it. It feels... weird. Especially given we're seeing Solas' backstory in this game, and how he freed slaves was important to his character but yeah little to no mention of it

That being said I also have heard nothing about the story spoilers, besides what some people posted on Twitter, and it was scraps. A lot of people who just played the first 7 hours, are releasing their reviews and say the story is good, but won't go into details because of spoilers? Make a spoiler video, I'll watch it, but I wonder if Bioware/EA didn't allow the mention of any story elements to preserve "their surprise choices" (and any story elements hardcore fans would get pissed at)

FOLLOWING IS A SMALL SPOILER (TWO LINES) FOR VEILGUARD, I think it's important to see before you buy it but BE WARNED

God this line pisses me off so much

Solas should have negative traits, actually, and make huge mistakes, like he was known to do in the last DLC released, a decade ago. No matter how many plans he has, he usually fucks it up by going too big.

He literally was chumming it up with Mythal, "she was the best of them", yet here he is pointing at (probably) her and Elgar'nan as they become Gods. I think making him fully against the system from the start and not someone who once enjoyed some benefits of the system, even if he didn't engage in the slavery aspect of it, to become friends/rivalry with the Evanuris but as they grew in power, and eventually murdered the only one of them he considered actually good, the light bulb went off in his head, is like, really a big character retcon to me.

Despite how bad they were, Solas didn't want to lock them away. He despised and loved them. He never killed them, he couldn't, either do to his limited power or due to his friendship with them. He loved his People, that he would cast everything he loves, all away for their freedom.

And when he returns, he doesn't even see the Dalish as elves. He think he's failed them and wouldn't care if they all died, if he could bring back the power to restore his People, even if it means bringing back the Evanuris. And if they go "well he was going to break the veil without trying to actually awake/unlock them", that is dumb writing. He understands that they are the consequences that he will unleash onto the world at the end of DAI and that he thinks life with magic is better to bring back the People, even at the cost of the world itself or the People's freedom at that. The People who he doesn't even consider are modern elves. He doesn't give two shits about modern elves, only the ancient ones he's lost. He seems them as his failures and instead of, ya know, actually trying to help them regain their lost cultures and lands he jumps to "actually you all are horrifying, you can die while I regain my own world"

The Elf!Inquisitor is the only elf he truly sees as a person, the potential to be a member of the People in his eyes. Everyone else is a fool or a tool to him.

BG3 and DSO2 are such healing things for the RPG fantatic soul. They have their problems, but the quality is so much higher than I ever expected to see. The way choices actually matter and have direct consequences in the one game vs having to wait until the sequel to see if collecting ten bear asses for that one dwarf lady gets you a special dialogue option.

Larian has got my support always, they made DSO2 so good, that I pre-ordered BG3 all the way back in Oct 2020. I have no desire to ever pre-order another Bioware game, except maybe some remasters.

[devisopod]

Levity Creek!

Chapter two

Have I gone over writing rules yet? No. Will I? Probably not right now.

I feel like short chapters are the way to go atm. Maybe if I get really into it I'll make longer posts. For now, this is what we get. Slow buildup, short additions, and objectively boring shit

I don't think anyone's gonna go back and read this but me lmao

______

The road out of Oklahoma and into the next few states was as long and uneventful as I planned for. Flat, long stretches of nothingness, and eventually piss-poor radio signal.

To no real surprise, but my ultimate dismay, it got colder the further north I got. Laughably, I became thankful that my engine acted as a space heater by the time I reached California. The weather back home was nothing like this and I was beginning to wonder if I was even built to withstand this kind of change. Maybe it's dramatic to think that way, but I certainly don't mesh well with temperatures below sixty degrees Fahrenheit. And neither does my van, which I found out very quickly.

Needless to say, I didn't stay in Palo Alto much longer than it took me to get the engine back up to snuff. Though, I left with more cargo than I intended, and boy, was I unprepared for it.

Fiddleford insisted that I pick up Tate on the drive up if I could. That way we could "bond". It was an awkward conversation, but even for a pushover, he has his way of being persistent. That, or I suppose that I'm just a pushover myself, which is a trait I gained and blame him for entirely. Of course, in the end I relented — albeit, reluctantly.

Now, I don't know much about Emma May given that she came along after Fiddleford and I grew apart. Still, she welcomed me like she knew me, and that made me a little less apprehensive about the whole thing. I'll admit, however, that the interaction was somewhat forced on my part, and on hers it seemed. She was distant and didn't appear entirely present in the conversation. Which, naturally, struck me as odd. Here I was, a practical stranger that was taking her son across two states. Yet, she didn't bat an eye. Regardless, I'm not one to pry.

Coming to terms with being an aunt and temporary guardian, my attention drifts back and forth from the road to the kid strapped into a carseat behind the passenger side. He's barely made a sound since I got him settled in. I'm not sure if that's more comforting or less, but I'm leaning toward the latter the further out I get. To give him credit, he's not misbehaving, but a quiet kid doesn't always make a good one.

His hair hangs over his eyes, squished into place by a hat that's arguably too big for his head. I can't even really tell if he's awake or not, and for a while I wonder if he's mute. In all honesty, I just keep looking back to make sure he's actually still there.

Dealing with kids has never been my strong suit — I'm not even adept at interacting with people my age. I was expected to be "bonding" on the way, but over what, exactly? Involuntarily being confined to the same space for the next six hours? The whole thing has me feeling like nothing short of a disappointment. Whether it's to myself, to Tate, or to Fiddleford, I have no idea.

As a result of my uncertainty and overall discomfort, I spend a lot of time in silence the next couple of hours, and so does Tate. In fact, he makes next to no indication of being there at all for the longest time. There were periods that I almost forgot he was with me and I would be lulled into a relaxed state. Those never lasted long. It wasn't until after we passed the state line into Oregon that he sneezed and I nearly sent the van off the road.

Meeting what I could only assume was his gaze in the rear view mirror, I could see that he was uncomfortable, and probably had been for a while. I always was a sucker for a pitiful look, my sympathy knew no bounds, but I never could help it. With a short exhale, I turn off at the next exit and into a gas station lot. The van rolls to a stop in one of the faded spots and grumbles down to a silence once I've pulled out the key. I unbuckle myself and turn in my seat to face Tate more head-on. On top of being snotty, he was holding tight to his thin jacket and crossing his legs. No doubt about it, he was holding it in, and here I was hoping he wasn't still in diapers.

"You gotta use the bathroom?" I prompt gently.

For the first time on the trip so far, he actually responds with a short "Mhm" and a nod.

"Alright," I grunt, pulling myself from the driver's seat and over the doghouse into the back.

I open the side doors and hop out onto the pavement before working to figure out how to unbuckle this poor kid from his seat. I can only imagine he's wondering why I'm having so much trouble as I struggle with each little belt. It's almost embarrassing, really, and it only makes me feel worse when I know he's probably been holding it for the past hour or two. Once I've finally gotten him out, I pluck him from his seat and set him on the ground next to me.

"You stay close, m'kay?" I say, looking down at him curiously while we make our way toward the station.

"'Kay," he answers quietly.

To my surprise, he grabs for my hand and holds onto it tight. Probably an instinctive reaction for him if I had to guess, but it warms my heart anyway.

Yeah, I could be an aunt.

PREV | NEXT

[that-gay-guy-from-hell]

Vent post

Content warning: memory loss (I guess)

(This is for context) So yall know how having trauma fucks with your head-- especially if it was during your childhood and for an extended time. Well I've got a lot of issues with remembering things.

As some of you know, I went to a Qbomb + TLT concert a little short of two weeks ago. I remember that I enjoyed myself but I can't recall any specifics.

I can't recall most of the music.

I can't recall what was said during the performances.

I can't remember watching either band perform.

I can barely even remember meeting Yoav and Sam.

It's like when someone tells you that this thing happened when you were little but you were so young you can't remember it yourself. Like, I know I was there- that I danced- screamed- and had a fun time... but it's vague at best.

My whole life has, admittedly, been this way and I usually just joke about it enough that it doesn't bother me.

But this was something I was so excited for and ready to do; only to have fuzzy bits and cookie cutter feelings to paste to it.

I don't smoke weed, drink, or do anything that would interfere with my memories. My medications have changed many times and it's never done anything to my memories. So why the fuck can't my mind just, yah know, work..?

It's has been just pissing me off... Like, I want to be able to recall fun things and fun times but it's really hard for me to. Course my stupid ass didn't take all but like 4 photos.

Getting alzhiemers or dementia are one of my biggest fears-- I just... it makes me so tired some times. Humor is pretty much my only cope when it comes to this so when I can't find myself in the mood to be funny about it then... Then I just get upset.

. . .

Also, don't take this as me fishing for sympathy. I just needed to vent and Instagram has too many people that would try to text me about it (old friends and classmates).

Oh and just to add on because I hate leaving on a bad note-- Pretty sure I majorly fucked up my left knee at the concert lmao. My knee drifts really bad so my left foot is like a penguins. So me a very fat man who doesn't get out much and was wearing boots that had cardboard in them to keep my feet in a comfortable spot* probably shouldn't have been jumping around like I was. My ass was moving pretty much through whole like 1 1/2 - 2 hours of music (save for the last 2 songs, I felt super light headed *hadn't eaten or drank in over 12 hours at that point lmfao*). Can't kneel on my left knee without wanting to keel over and it feels sore still lmfaooo

*they're like size 11 and I wear 9 1/2 because I have wide feet; the 11 boots are left over from a theatre proformance in high school. They're like really nice leather boots tho so I wanted to wear them.

Okay I think that's all I've got for now. As a small bonus I'll let yall know that I have several TLT things I need to post and have been working on (maybe even a Rust comic 🤔 who knows).

Hope you all are doing well and make sure to drink lots of water. Much love yall, sorry again for the random ass rant.

[nowoyas]

Koi no Yokan 22: come together (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next (coming 11/16?) - M.list - Ao3

A/N: take two on the right blog this time lmao. next update may be delayed, but I'll keep y'all updated. between new health issues and world events writing is really difficult for me right now. thanks for understanding <3

Summary: As the training camp nears its end, your boys continue to work hard and pull it all together.

Warnings and Tags: blanket series warnings

Words: ~3200

The next day is the first that you manage to make it to lunch without cringing, and the first where you get to be in the gym all day. You push your luck as you always do, spend the night up until dinner helping Noya with his jump set—still not quite there yet—and, after dinner, shoot a text to Noya asking if he'd like to walk around the school with you, since you're supposed to be going on walks and stuff and don't feel like going it alone. Naturally, he'd been so down for it that you'd been able to watch him basically leap out of his chair from across the cafeteria once he read the text.

You kinda missed having time alone with him. You haven't really had much of any since the training camp started, and you realize with a pang that the reduced frequency is an indicator that things are back to normal—no more sleeping in his arms, no more everyone in the house you're in home before dark, no more I'm home! and casual welcome back. No I'm heading out, no see you later. No one to eat dinner with.

A finger pokes your cheek. "You're getting stuck in your head. What's up?"

Right. This is stupid. You're being stupid. "It's nothing."

An unimpressed look. "Sure it is."

You sigh. "Just thinking about what I'm gonna have to put up with when we get back."

"Your dad?"

A nod.

"That's a problem for future [name]-san, isn't it?" He tilts his head. "You're not there and it's not your problem."

"But…"

"But I know that girl. She hates it when you take work from her. If she knew you were trying to take the worry about this from her, she'd be pissed."

You pause. Laugh. "Right. You're right."

You walk a little longer with him. It's nighttime, but it's still hot. The darkness isn't doing anything to cool anything off, but you happen to like it. It feels nice. Comfortable, even though you're stuck to long pants while doing manager stuff. Maybe a bit sticky, but it's not like you're doing any running. (Maybe it feels better because you know you aren't the one stuck exercising in this heat.)

"Thanks for walking with me. I know you've probably had enough exercise this week to last you the year."

"Are you kidding? I can keep going."

You roll your eyes. "Probably shouldn't, though. Something something, rest and recovery, something, take care of your body. I think I've basically gotten my fill, anyway, so we can head back."

"I mean," he hums, "if you took better care of yourself, I might consider taking better care of myself…"

You roll your eyes. "Like you'd do anything to hurt your performance at volleyball. You'll take care of yourself."

The pair of you wander past one of the gyms, and you pause at the distinct sound of volleyball taking place. Check the time on your phone. Noya isn't far behind you when you poke your head in to look—Hinata and Tsukishima, of all people, are mid three-on-three with some guys from other schools. They're locked in, which is sort of cool to watch, but…

You wait for the ball to fall, and then you cross your arms. "Hey, you guys ate, right?"

They freeze, turn to you in comical sync.

Oh god. They haven't eaten. "The cafeteria is getting locked in three minutes. Tell me you guys ate."

Hinata shakes his head gravely. You sigh. If you remember correctly… "Alright. Hold on. You guys clean up."

You've been excluded from the rotation on account of the concussion, but the other managers have a rotating schedule on which two girls clean and lock up the cafeteria at night. Tonight's Shirofuku and Suzumeda, if you recall, the latter of which does not pick up the phone. You get Shirofuku when you try her, though.

"What's up?" she answers.

"Shirofuku-san, hi! How much do you love me?"

There's a pause before she responds. "…why?"

You take on your sweetest affect, smiling even though she can't see you. "Could you maybe hold on locking up the cafeteria for me?"

She sighs. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! But we've got a couple stragglers who got too focused on individual practice and haven't eaten yet. You wouldn't want anyone to fall out tomorrow because they didn't eat properly, would you? Not you, Shirofuku-san. You'd never."

There's a hesitation. You hear her cover the speaker, probably to talk to Suzumeda. You pounce.

"I'll handle locking up afterwards and cleaning properly, so you guys can go ahead to bed and not miss anything."

"How about you make them handle it, Little Miss Concussion?"

You pout. "It won't be that much. You guys were basically already done, right? And it's not like it's a problem if I miss any sleep, I mean, I've got doctor's orders to take naps as needed, anyway, so if I miss out on sleep—"

"Don't you dare—" Noya interrupts beside you. You lean over, slap a hand over his mouth, and keep talking.

"I've got this. Come on, please?"

"Fine. We'll wait. But you are going to take it easy, you hear? if you don't come upstairs in time we're physically carrying you up the stairs and forcing you to sleep."

"Great!" you chirp. "Thanks so much! I've got them cleaning up, so I'll meet you and get everything ready. You're the best!"

Just as you hang up, something warm and wet lathes over your palm. You squeal, jerking away from Noya. "Did you just lick me!?"

"Sorry," Noya says with a shit-eating grin. "There was this hand over my mouth, see—"

"I'm going to have Nee-san dye that little bleached strip pink next time you bother her for a refresh," you threaten.

He laughs. "I think I could rock it."

...infuriatingly, he totally could. You turn to the six stragglers, face flaming with embarrassment. "Anyway! I got clearance to keep the cafeteria open a little longer for you guys, but obviously it'll create problems if you stay too late and we make it to curfew without being done, so I gotta ask that you guys clean up and eat quick so I can clean up in time, okay?"

You receive six synchronous bows, six shouted thanks. Pride surges in you when the volume doesn't bring about any twinges of pain.

"You're so kind to us!" a voice booms.

Your gravity lurches out of wack—at first, you think that'd be because of Fukurodani's ace (Bokuto, maybe?) rushing towards you, but then a familiar arm settles over you and you realize that Noya has pulled you squarely out of his reach. He steadies you, chin resting on your shoulder to glare at him.

Bokuto stops and pouts, arms crossed. "I just wanted to thank her for making sure we can eat tonight. Is that not okay?"

"Bokuto-san, maybe don't randomly hug someone else's girlfriend," Fukurodani's setter says.

You freeze. "Hold up. Girlfriend?"

"Are you two not dating?" Nekoma's captain asks.

Noya's arm over your shoulder tightens protectively. "Not yet, but she's still off-limits."

"Excuse me, yet?" You turn to glare at him. He raises an eyebrow back.

"Yet."

You snort, roll your eyes. "Right. Okay. Anyways, we all need to hurry, so..." You wriggle out of his hold.

He's so convinced you'll fall in love with him. Like it's that easy. Stupid.

So you meet up with Shirofuku and Suzumeda. The guys trail not far behind—they get leftovers, and they're cold, but it's dinner and they're grateful to you. They go out of their way to avoid making a mess, and Noya lingers by to help you finish cleaning and lock up even though you repeatedly tell him he doesn't have to. He's so pushy. What pisses you off the most is the fact that you can't even be honestly annoyed with it. You lock up, you get to sleep on time, all six of the Stragglers Squad thanks you with their lives, and the next morning—last day of the camp—you settle in for morning practice like always.

When Hinata pulls off some new move—a wipe, Shimizu calls it—Yachi smiles at you and says, "I hope that new quick comes together soon, too."

"Same," you reply back.

~

Her wishes do not go unanswered. The final set of the training camp—imbued with energy from the promise of impending grilled meat and emboldened by Yachi's gentle mention to Hinata that she'd like to see that new quick they're working on—sees the first truly satisfying spike you've seen from Hinata in a while, your head notwithstanding. It takes you too long to recognize that they'd done it, that that was the new quick. It doesn't look much different to you, or to Takeda, apparently, but it's all about options, apparently, and now Hinata has those.

As Yachi cheers beside you, and the guys yell, you can't help but feel a little proud that they managed to make it work. You kinda wanna tell Kageyama I told you so, but you'll let them have this. The set moves on—a successful synchronized attack, a time out, water bottles and towels and excitement and Noya taking a moment to flash that wide grin at you.

"Wait, [name]-san," he says before you can walk away to set down the water bottle caddy, "for good luck—marry me?"

You roll your eyes, turn to pat his shoulder. "I don't think you really need the luck, but why don't you get that set to come together and ask another eight hundred and eighty-six times or so and I'll think about it in the meantime?"

His face lights up as always, and you watch him practically bounce back into position on the court.

It takes two points for the opportunity to come—a receive by Kageyama, and then Noya flowing easily into the set, which Azumane spikes and just barely manages to get in. But he gets it in.

It comes together.

Holy shit, it came together.

You grab at Yachi's arm in your excitement as she cheers—nice kill!—and try to contain yourself. Your first thought had been to cheer with her, but the second thought was swift and much louder—he'll never let you live it down if you do.

He catches your eye as you try to tamp down the smile. Gestures wildly. You roll your eyes in reply. You're sure later you'll receive a tackle for it, but you can try to avoid it, at least.

~

Fukurodani takes the last set with a truly impressive spike from Bokuto. You can't even really be mad that the gambit to crush him didn't really pull through, least of all when Noya sweeps you off your feet in celebration of his first successful in-game jump set.

"So, since I got it to come together—"

"Eight hundred and eighty-five or no deal," you interrupt, voice a little strained from the ongoing bear hug.

That earned you another nine proposals, rapid-fire, like you weren't in the middle of the gym and wriggling to get free, but it's fine, you guess. More important than proposals 106 through 115 is the barbecue, which you manage to escape for in hopes of helping out with.

And everyone is happy with the barbecue. When it kicks off, you find a corner to linger in with Tsukishima. The amount of people is just a bit... overwhelming, that's all. Tsukishima's corner is quiet. It's a good pick.

You can't help but needle him, though. You can only take so much quiet, only so much room to think. "I think that those moments today where things started working are why everyone else works so hard. That's where their passion is coming from."

He sighs. "I gathered. I don't get it, but I think I at least see it. It still feels stupid to just chase a high like that, but..."

You shrug. "Better than walking aimlessly, I guess."

He nods. "Right."

You sigh. The smell of meat is getting to you. "I'll leave you to your skulking," you say. "I'm gonna see if these guys will let me get close to any of the grills."

He nods you away, and you make it all of four steps before you spot a disaster-in-progress in the form of a trembling Yachi, surrounded by basically the four beefiest dudes at the entire camp, including Azumane.

You swoop in quick, gesture to them to step back. "Woah, hey. You're looking a little overwhelmed, Yachi-san. Do you wanna go sit?"

She nods weakly, face deathly pale. You shoot an apologetic look to the guys. "Sorry. I think the crowd's overwhelming her. C'mon, let's go sit with the girls and I'll get your food for you. How's that sound?"

"O-okay..."

"Can I touch you?"

Another weak nod. You place a hand on her shoulder, steer her over towards the other managers at a careful pace. Your firm "excuse me!"s cut through the guys well enough. You suppose there's an advantage to basically everyone knowing you have a concussion. When she's sat down, you kneel in front of her with a look of concern. "Are you gonna be okay?"

She nods. "Y-yeah. Sorry, I just... they're all so big and scary and... I-I know we've been around them all week, and even Azumane-san was there, b-but..."

"It's okay. Seriously. You're allowed to have anxiety, no matter what anyone says. Do you still want to eat?"

"Y-yeah. Maybe. I don't know."

"I'll get a plate with enough for both of us, then, and bring it back."

"Y-you don't have to—" she starts to protest, but you raise a hand to silence her.

"I'm choosing to. You're not making me do anything. It takes no extra effort to just take a little bit extra of what I get while I'm already getting it."

"B-but your head..."

"Will be fine. I'm supposed to be gently pushing myself, right? This is a good gentle push. If it gets too hard, we can send someone else. Alright?"

"Okay..."

You nod to Suzumeda and Shirofuku. "Can you two keep an eye on her and talk to her? Just a distraction to help her calm down. When I'm back, I can walk her through calming down the rest of the way if she needs it."

They nod, and you disappear into the crowd—get a small pile of meat for you and one for Yachi, pile up some vegetables on top to balance it. You're not all that hungry, but you suppose after nearly passing out like that, she probably isn't, either.

For good measure, one rice ball for each of you makes its way onto the pile as you wind your way back, and then you slump into the chair beside her and offer her food. You pick at your own, focus more on letting her get her fill than eating, yourself. The meat smells delicious, but...

You can't shake it. Can't shake the loom and gloom, the knowledge that, after this, you're going home. To your house. To your house.

Your eyes drift to watching everyone mingle as Yachi goes from shaking to calm, from having to be fed to being able to eat on her own.

You promised your dad you'd come home and talk then. You don't know what he could possibly say to you, if anything could make his absence better. You probably deserved it, anyway. You should be the one apologizing. It's not like he killed your mom. His wife. The woman he loved more than anything.

Your eyes trace Shimizu, sauntering obliviously through the crowd of guys to get her food. Maybe you should just find Noya and hang out with him. He's good at distracting you. You're sure he'd be thrilled to be hanging out with a girl at one of these, anyhow. He's just so easy to be around.

But right now, he's not far behind Shimizu, flanked by Tanaka and Mohawk guy. Glaring, probably audibly growling. Letting some guys from Fukurodani know, in no uncertain terms, to lay off.

A hand tugs you out of your thoughts, forces you to turn to the other girls.

Suzumeda leans in, devilish grin on her lips. At some point, Miyanoshita and Otaki also joined you, so, save for Shimizu, all the managers are present. "So, [name]-chan."

"Yeah?"

"We've been good. We've been patient. But you're about to go home—" Gee, thanks for the reminder. "—and we can't let you leave without answers."

Ugh. This is about Noya, isn't it? You suppress the urge to roll your eyes.

"What is the deal with him?" Otaki asks. "I mean, you guys are really obviously super close. Like, really obviously. And you know, we're nosy... why aren't you dating him?"

"Him?" You snort.

"Yeah! He clearly likes you, you like to act tough but I'm pretty sure you like him, I mean... why not?"

You jerk your chin towards where he's patrolling around Shimizu, chewing your lip hard enough to punish. "Does it look like he likes me, or does it look like he likes girls and I just happen to be one who pays attention to him?"

"[name]-chan…"

They have more to say in response, but you refuse to entertain it. Instead, you zone out Shimizu-ways, watch her remain blissfully unapproached as the trio does their sworn duty. Noya does his job well.

"Yachi-san," you interrupt suddenly.

She jolts. "What's up?"

"Can I borrow your bus pillow when we leave today? My head's kinda starting to hurt but I can't sleep on the bus without resting my head on the window. You can probably imagine how much that will not help me at all."

"Oh, uh, sure! I don't mind! Do you want me to go ask Sensei about your painkillers?"

You shake your head. "I should be fine. It's not that bad, I just need to sleep it off."

Doubtful that you actually sleep.

~

On the bus a short hour or so later, clad in your bus hoodie—well-worn, faded, and cozy without making you overheat—you rest your head on the borrowed pillow and try to keep your eyes closed. You don't want to see the look on Noya's face when he realizes you've taken a seat on the side of the bus with single-seat rows.

You hear it, though. Footsteps stuttering to a stop, then Yachi's voice.

"Oh, she said her head was bothering her, so she was just going to nap."

You can actually hear the pout in his voice. "Am I not a good enough pillow…?"

"Oi, Nishinoya. Keep moving," Ennoshita says. "We all have to get on the bus, you know."

"Right. Yeah, sorry. Ryuu! I'm coming to sit with you!"

The footsteps continue. You pull your hood over your head and try to shove down the guilt. When your phone buzzes, you flinch.

Noya to [name] at 14:13

Noya: [image attached. Image description: Soba with her mouth open and both front paws in the air, batting at something out of focus in the foreground.]

Noya: Soba fighting off your headache. get some good rest for me, ok?

Somehow, this doesn't help your guilt. It doesn't help it one bit.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish