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snarktheater · 4 years ago

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Ready Player Two — Opening Cutscene & Chapter 0

Hello again.

It’s been a while. I haven’t been active on this blog since, fittingly enough, Ready Player One. I was going to do this sooner—even had an alarm set up and everything—but then, it turns out, I’m feeling so much negativity about the world in general that a book just pales in comparison.

Seriously, I had to scrap this post’s entire intro because it’s not even 2020 anymore as I write this. And you know, maybe that’s for the best. I’m not really in the mood for doom and gloom and bitching anymore. I uninstalled Twitter from my phone a while back, I’ve been doing good at my daily writing sprints, my biggest fanfic project concluded on a positive note from people I didn’t even realize had been following it for years.

So I don’t know what this is going to be like. My commentary, I mean; I’ve heard echoes of what the book is like, so I’m not expecting a surprise there.

The book opens right after the end of Ready Player One, in a “Cutscene” where Wade recounts to us what happened after he won Halliday’s contest. It also assumes you remember exactly who the main characters of the book are, which is a bold move for a sequel that came out almost a decade after the original.

Technically, I could just look up the details I’m fuzzy about. But also, I think it’s more authentic if I don’t. I trust my memory enough that if I’m wrong, it’ll be in subtle enough ways that it’ll almost be a private jokes between all of us. An “if you know, you know” sort of error system. And I don’t think there’s anything more true to the spirit of this book than that.

Shoto had flown back home to Japan to take over operations at GSS’s Hokkaido division.

So Wade starts his tenure with nepotism. Wasn’t Shoto really young? Why is he qualified to run anything?

Aech was enjoying an extended vacation in Senegal, a country she’d dreamed of visiting her whole life, because her ancestors had come from there.

You know what, I’m not touching “send the token black character back to Africa.” This isn’t my lane.

And Samantha had flown back to Vancouver to pack up her belongings and say goodbye to her grandmother, Evelyn.

Why is she saying goodbye? Why, she’s moving to Columbus to be with Wade, of course! It’s not like there was anything else in her life. Was there? And why isn’t she referred to as Art3mis? I’m pretty sure Wade found out all of their offline names in the last book, and the inconsistency mildly bothers me.

These three sentences are back to back, by the way. Someone—I forget who—once described Ready Player One as a book that’s fun to write a wiki about, because it’s got fun concepts to summarize about until you realize that all the emotional connective tissue you need to turn a list of things into a story is missing, and that’s roughly how this first page feels.

Hell, the first line of the book is Wade telling us he remained offline for nine whole days after winning the contest, but by the end of the second paragraph we’re already to him logging back into the OASIS to "distract himself from [his and Samantha’s] reunion.

I’ll give Ernest Cline one thing: it feels like he wrote this opening nine days after the first book and did about as much maturing as a teenage boy would do between the two books.

Way more time is spent describing Wade’s OASIS rig, or the in-game planet where the climax of the last book happened, than anything else in this introduction. He is immediately greeted by a crowd of adoring fans who have been waiting over a week for him to come back in the game, because they’re all grateful that our protagonist and his friends restored their avatars after they were annihilated by the Sixers.

You’d think the adoring fans would serve some kind of purpose, or that something would happen, but no. Wade immediately goes “ew, people” and teleports away, since he essentially has ultimate powers within the game. With a caveat: the powers are actually coming from the Robes of Anorak he’s wearing, and I’m mentioning that in the hopes that it will pay off sometime in the book’s future, assuming Cline at least learned to do that. But still, let’s not skip too fast the fact that we introduced that crowd of adoring fans for no other purpose than to tell us they’re out there, because it fits right in with the last book’s attempts at saying as little as humanly possible in as many words as possible.

Anyway, Wade went back into Anorak’s study, where he arbitrarily checks out the Easter Egg he got at the end of the last book, and finds an inscription on it. I was dreading another riddle, but no, it’s just straight-up instructions to a vault in the GSS archives, so Wade logs off and goes to check it out.

Of course Halliday had put [the archives] [on the 13th floor]. In one of his favorite TV shows, Max Headroom, Network 23’s hidden research-and-development lab was located on the thirteenth floor. And The Thirteenth Floor was also the title of an old sci-fi film about virtual reality, released in 1999, right on the heels of both The Matrix and eXistenZ.

I’m equally shocked that it took two whole pages (on my ereader) to get to the first slew of references, and that one of these references is from 1999. I didn’t know we were allowed to think of anything that isn’t the 80s. Speaking of which, I’ll spare you the whole paragraph, but the book does feel the need to explain why it’s vault 42.

Inside the vault, there’s another egg containing a super-fancy and advanced OASIS headset. The egg also has a video monitor that plays a video message from James Halliday shortly before his death.

But despite his condition, he hadn’t used his OASIS avatar to record this message like he had with Anorak’s Invitation. For some reason, he’d chosen to appear in the flesh this time, under the brutal, unforgiving light of reality.

That oh-so-important message? An infodump about the headset’s working. He called it an OASIS Neural Interface, ONI for short. It basically lets you experience the OASIS through all your senses with sensory input just like the real thing, you know, that thing Wade had to get a fancy suit and massive rig to do in the first book. And yes, Wade does spend a paragraph or two comparing it to other works of science fiction. Of course he does.

More importantly, it also records all the sensory input into a separate file, which can then be replayed over to re-experience said sensations, or live someone else’s experiences. Halliday tries to frame it as a tool to generate communication and empathy, seemingly all without acknowledging the potential creepiness of that. But hey. Who knows. Maybe that’s because this is the setup stage, and it’ll pay off eventually.

I also wondered about the name Halliday had chosen for his invention. I’d seen enough anime to know that oni was also a Japanese word for a giant horned demon from the pits of hell.

Add “reducing Japan to anime” to the list of things the book has failed to improve upon. By the way, the narration insisted on spelling out ONI letter by letter earlier, so it’s weird to make that link now. It’s also just kind of inelegant to just tell us “this is the symbolism behind the name”, but that’s just the sort of thing I’ve come to expect from this book.

Anyway, the reason Halliday kept this for his successor to find is he wants Wade to test out the technology and decide if humanity is ready for it. Why Halliday thinks the most glorified pop culture trivia / video game competition qualifies you for such a decision should be a problem, but sadly, a lot of billionaires have said and done a lot of dumb and eerily similar things in the past few years since I read Ready Player One, so actually, I can’t fault the book for that one. Tragically, our fates really are in the hands of people who should rightfully be cartoon villains.

To his credit, Wade does question Halliday’s motives in keeping this under wraps at all rather than releasing it himself. So hey, maybe it really is setting something up.

Wade goes back to his office with the ONI, and we’re treated with this lovely piece of narration:

I was grateful that Samantha wasn’t there. I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to talk me out of testing the ONI. Because I was worried she might try to, and if she did, she would’ve succeeded. (I’d recently discovered that when you’re madly in love with someone they can persuade you to do pretty much anything.)

There’s a lot to unpack about the implications this has for their relationship, but it’s way too early in the book for me to editorialize when one character hasn’t even been on the page yet. So I’ll just leave it here for the record. Hopefully you see the problem without me needing to point it out anyway. If not, feel free to hit my inbox.

So Wade, confident in the fact that Halliday would have warned him if there were any risks to using the ONI, decides to try it out. Even though he immediately follows up that statement with this:

According to the ONI documentation, forcibly removing the headset while it was in operation could severely damage the wearer’s brain and/or leave them in a permanent coma. So the titanium-reinforced safety bands made certain this couldn’t happen. I found this little detail comforting instead of unsettling. Riding in an automobile was risky, too, if you didn’t wear your seatbelt…

Wade. My dude. What the fuck is this simile. And why don’t you see that maybe a machine where you’re forcibly trapping yourself inside a virtual reality might be dangerous? Hell, when I said this was setting something up, I was expecting something vaguely interesting about the potential breach of privacy, or how you don’t need to literally walk in someone’s shoes to feel empathy for them, or anything substantial, but now I’m worried it’ll just end up as “man, sometimes science fiction machines will scramble your brain, isn’t that weird”?

Like, I don’t know, to me “it will put you in a coma” sounds like a good reason for Halliday not to release the ONI. Maybe we can still make it into a commentary on how corporations will sell stuff they know is directly harmful if it can make them a profit. Who knows.

The book waffles on about more risks, and the mechanics of how the ONI activates, and the warning disclaimer when it does turn on. Specifically, there’s a time limit of twelve consecutive hours, after which you’ll be automatically logged out, because yes, using the thing for too long can also cause brain damage.

Gregarious Simulation Systems will not be held responsible for any injuries caused by improper use of the OASIS Neural Interface.

See, now there’s the sort of thing that could be a source for commentary, but no, instead it’s thrown in there like it’s nothing and Wade glosses over the entire warning, and instead keep wondering why Halliday didn’t just release the ONI if even the safety disclaimers were in place.

By the way: this whole system has apparently gone through several independent human trials already, so I’m finding it hard to imagine that it’s actually a secret Halliday took to the grave as Wade says. Unless he also had everyone involved in those trials killed afterwards. Or maybe they all ended up with brain damage which rendered them incapable of talking about it.

And before you think I’m being unfair and maybe we’re supposed to understand that ourselves even if the protagonist doesn’t, I’ll remind you that the book didn’t trust its reader to know what the number 42 is a reference to, or what an oni is, even though I don’t think anyone in the target audience wouldn’t know about these two things.

There’s also the fact that, since this book came out, a video game did release with a scene intentionally designed to cause seizures, and it had countless fans flocking to defend it over that fact. So you’ll have to excuse me if I’m not assuming this book’s stance on whether your video game console causes brain damage and possibly coma is actually a bad thing, or just an acceptable risk.

Wade certainly seems to think so, since he agrees to the terms of service.

As the timestamp faded away, it was replaced by a short message, just three words long—the last thing I would see before I left the real world and entered the virtual one. But they weren’t the three words I was used to seeing. I—like every other ONI user to come—was greeted by a new message Halliday had created, to welcome those visitors who had adopted his new technology: READY PLAYER TWO

Well now that’s just silly.

And that’s our opening cutscene. And while this post is already long enough, I feel like I have to go on to chapter 0, because it feels like barely anything has happened so far. We didn’t even introduce any new character motivation or conflict, or a mystery to set the plot into motion, unless I’m supposed to think “why didn’t Halliday release this?” counts.

So Wade is back into the OASIS, and tells us about how much more real it all feels thanks to the ONI. I especially have to question how he can smell or taste anything—both of which he tells us he can. Like, who coded that? Did Halliday implement every single smell and taste himself, without anyone noticing? I hope you don’t need me to tell you that’s not typically how features are added to a large-scale video game.

If it feels like I’m nitpicking at the logic of the book, even though I always say I’m not very interested in that and would rather talk themes, it’s because I am, because there isn’t much else to discuss so far. Wade is happy about tasting virtual fruit. That’s the scene.

He tests out if he can feel pain, but no, the ONI reduces pain (a gunshot is translated as “a hard pinch”). On one hand, good, it would be a nightmare otherwise. On the other hand, I sort of hope there’s a setting for that in there, because otherwise, you just lost an entire clientele of kinksters.

This was it—the final, inevitable step in the evolution of videogames and virtual reality. The simulation had now become indistinguishable from real life.

Ah, now we have some juicy themes. Because if you think this is the inevitable final step in the evolution of video games, I invite you to look at literally any other art form, and what happened to them once hyperrealism became easy. Hint: they didn’t stop evolving, because it turns out realism isn’t the only goal one can achieve with art.

The realism discussion is not a new one in video games, mind you. In case you’re out of the loop: most of the big-budget blockbuster games (“AAA” as they’re known) are aiming for hyperrealism nowadays, and it results in development teams being forced to work in horrible conditions (known with the equally horrible euphemism of “crunch”). And, because it turns out that 1) humans working themselves to the bones isn’t healthy and 2) racing for realism with little to no vision besides it makes for poor creativity, a lot of these games come out as disappointments. Oh, there are hordes of Gamers™ who will defend them to the bitter end, but inevitably, in the months following release, the defense cools off while the criticism keeps on going, because the defense was a knee-jerk reaction born of a mix of people hyping themselves up for a game they hadn’t seen that much of yet, then attaching a part of their identity to liking that thing.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that this throwaway line feels like it comes from someone who is so out of touch as to accidentally support a world view that has in fact resulted in the biggest part of the industry stagnating artistically while growing more toxic for the people working in it. All the while, more and more independent games come out every year, proving that that realism is nowhere near the most important thing to making a game good, and that you can achieve much better results with a small team.

What I’m trying to say is: watch Jim Sterling’s channel, they’ve been bleeding out subscribers since they came out as nonbinary and make much better commentary on this topic than I could, and play Hades.

Back to the book, which sadly hasn’t become any more interesting since I decided to go on a tangent. Wade tests the ONI functions some more, all the while musing on how he knows Samantha would disapprove but that he doesn’t care, because what loving relationship doesn’t consist of that?

Among the functions, he tries the ONI files, the aforementioned recordings of someone else’s experiences. Specifically, a woman, which Wade tells us by telling us he suddenly has breasts, I suppose because Ernest Cline saw that subreddit about men writing women and went “I want a piece of that”. Oh, and also, those sample files were recorded from real people, in the real world. And yes, this goes exactly where you think it does.

SEX-M-F.oni, SEX-F-F.oni, and SEX-Nonbinary.oni

Look, I actually started writing a complaint about the boobs thing, and I deleted it, but now Cline is doing it on purpose. So, here goes: I saw a quote from this book on Twitter that looked like Cline attempting to make up for Wade’s casual transphobia in the first book. It wasn’t good, but it at least sounded like he was trying. So to immediately get this is…a lot? Let’s go for a lot.

I can almost excuse the use of “M” and “F”. You gotta name your files and you could excuse a non-exhaustive list. But…nonbinary? On one hand, I want to know what Cline means. On the other hand, I don’t think he can come up with an answer I’ll find satisfactory.

We are thankfully spared from finding out because Wade has just lost his virginity to Samantha a few days ago and he’s 1) not ready for this and 2) pretty sure this counts as cheating. You could make a case that this is more like porn, but I can see that this is more of a personal distinction anyway, and I can respect that one. Plus, you know. I don’t want to find out.

Wade logs off, and he can’t tell the difference between the OASIS with the ONI, and decides this will change the world. And then it’s back to the “how did he do it and keep it a secret”, even though Wade now finds out in the documentation that this had been in development for twenty-five years, basically since the OASIS launched. So it’s not really that it’s a secret, so much as there are a lot of people under very strict NDAs out there. Or, again, they’re all dead and/or otherwise incapacitated.

The ONI is the product of the Accessibility Research Lab, and Wade tells us about other stuff that the lab has produced using similar technology, mostly for medical purposes.

GSS patented each of the Accessibility Research Lab’s inventions, but Halliday never made any effort to profit from them. Instead, he set up a program to give these neuroprosthetic implants away, to any OASIS users who could benefit from them. GSS even subsidized the cost of their implant surgery.

Look, it’s nice that you want Halliday to be the good guy through and through, but it’s kind of hard to take any social commentary seriously when you think this is how a billionaire is made. Hell, even when he shut down the lab and fired its entire staff, he gave them a big enough severance package to set them for life. You know. Capitalism!

Hey, remember when Samantha said she was going to end world hunger if she won the contest, a thing billionaires right now could be doing, but aren’t, and she is now the co-owner of GSS? Yeah, I kind of hope the book remembers that too.

Speaking of the co-owners, the book just completely skips over the debate that our four main characters have over whether or not to release the ONI to the world. All we know is that they voted, and the vote goes in favor of releasing it. I mean, why have characters who could have opinions and feelings that could create a discussion? That might make us care about them! And who wants to care about characters in a story?

We put them on sale at the lowest possible price, to make sure as many people as possible could experience the OASIS Neural Interface for themselves.

What exactly is “the lowest possible price” here? Your company literally owns money. Like, OASIS money is real money. There is literally nothing stopping you from giving them away, especially because what you’re giving away is access to the platform you’re already running for a profit.

It’s almost like, even trying to make “good billionaires” out of its protagonists, the book can’t stop and actually make them significantly good.

Oh, I should mention. If you thought my Ready Player One review was angry at capitalism, wait until you see what the past couple years have done to me.

Anyway, once they his 7,777,777 simultaneous ONI users, a new riddle shows up on Halliday’s website. Because yep: our plot is apparently not about the implications of releasing the ONI, or any of the potential ideological discussions associated with that, it’s another riddle. Oh boy, do I wish I’d known that.

Seek the Seven Shards of the Siren’s Soul On the seven worlds where the Siren once played a role For each fragment my heir must pay a toll To once again make the Siren whole

I cannot wait to have the book give me just not enough information to solve the riddle until it’s solved by the book itself. That was so much fun the other…what was it, five times? Six times? Something like that. Wade already tells us the Siren might be Kira Morrow, because her alias was named after one of the sirens of Greek myth, so I can’t wait for that plot point to stick around. It was so fun to hear all about this man pining for another man’s wife the first time!

So this is the “Shard Riddle”. People are apparently convinced it was made by Wade and his crew as a publicity stunt, but of course, they know that that isn’t the case, and they also don’t know what that riddle is supposed to lead to. So, that’s great. We have a puzzle, and we also don’t know what the stakes are. All we know is that Wade wants to solve the puzzle essentially because it’s a challenge.

We skip over a year, and Wade tells us about how IOI collapses and gets absorbed by GSS because of the ONI’s launch. Remember IOI? They were the bad guys, so I guess we have to cheer?

GSS absorbed IOI and all of its assets, transforming us into an unstoppable megacorporation with a global monopoly on the world’s most popular entertainment, education, and communications platform.To celebrate, we released all of IOI’s indentured servants and forgave their outstanding debts.

On one hand: good for the slave. On the other hand: not gonna cheer for a monopoly, you guys.

Another year’s skip, and now 99% of the OASIS users are using the ONI, and yes, that includes trading their experiences with one another too. And I guess we’re still hand-waving any possible problems associated with that technology, because the technology is made so that all recordings must be shared and played through the OASIS.

This allowed us to weed out unsavory or illegal recordings before they could be shared with other users.

How? Do you know any of the problems associated with content moderations on the current platforms? I don’t know if I want to point to Youtube’s extremely faulty algorithm, Twitter’s complete apathy towards its Nazis, or Facebook doing moderation by making underpaid staff watch all potentially problematic content, which resulted in serious psychological damage to said staff.

You can’t just say that as if it solved everything. The chapter later says this is handled by an AI called “CenSoft”, and as an AI engineer myself, let me tell you: this is not going to work. Again: Youtube is the way it is for a reason.

It also let us maintain our monopoly on what was rapidly becoming the most popular form of entertainment in the history of the world.

And again, monopolies are totally a good thing as long as it’s in the right hands!

When I’m implying that the book does not care for any of these potential problems, I mean it. These enormous ethical issues are sidestepped in cold narratin, and we just keep going on introducing new slang that I hate, but have to quote so help you keep up.

“Sims” were recordings made inside the OASIS, and “Recs” were ONI recordings made in reality. Except that most kids no longer referred to it as “reality.” They called it “the Earl.” (A term derived from the initialism IRL.) And “Ito” was slang for “in the OASIS.” So Recs were recorded in the Earl, and Sims were created Ito.

There. You have been infodumped.

In the midst of all this (still extremely dry) exposition about how this changed media, we also get this tidbit:

You could take any drug, eat any kind of food, and have any kind of sex, without worrying about addiction, calories, or consequences.

Now, I was going to rant about this, but then, a page later, this happens and spares me the trouble:

I’d struggled with OASIS addiction before the ONI was released. Now logging on to the simulation was like mainlining some sort of chemically engineered superheroin.

So, you are aware that addiction isn’t just possible, but extremely facilitated by this. But sure, no worries! It’s perfectly safe! Because our protagonists are good.

Also, remember how the last book ended on a weak attempt at having a moral that maybe the real world is good, actually? Yeah, Wade tells us the ONI helps poor people live enjoyable lives in the OASIS. So. Fuck that message, I guess. It only applies if you’re the literal wealthiest man on Earth.

And me? All my dreams had come true. I’d gotten stupidly rich and absurdly famous. I’d fallen in love with my dream girl and she had fallen in love with me. Surely I was happy, right? Not so much, as this account will show.

Aside from the aforementioned returning OASIS affiction, there’s the Shard riddle that Wade is now obsessed with, to the point of offering a billion-dollar reward to anyone with information about the riddle’s answer.

I announced this reward with a stylized short film that I modeled after Anorak’s Invitation. I hoped it would seem like a lighthearted play on Halliday’s contest instead of a desperate cry for help. It seemed to work.

On one hand: good, Wade finally has a character flaw that the book actually acknowledges as a character flaw. I can work with that. On the other hand: this is all told to me in such a dispassionate that I am dreading how the book will handle this character flaw. Which is to say, I’m not expecting it to be very good.

(For a brief time, some of the younger, more idealistic shard hunters referred to themselves as “shunters” to differentiate themselves from their elder counterparts. But when everyone began to call them “sharters” instead, they changed their minds and started to call themselves gunters too. The moniker still fit. The Seven Shards were Easter eggs hidden by Halliday, and we were all hunting for them.)

Especially when this is something the narration feels is more important to tell me about.

Anyway, skip another year, and a gunter finally leads Wade to the First Shard. Solved that riddle, I guess. And wait, wasn’t part of why IOI was ~evil~ in the first book that they were paying people to find the Easter Egg for them? How is this any different, Wade?

And when I picked it up, I set in motion a series of events that would drastically alter the fate of the human race. As one of the only eyewitnesses to these historic events, I feel obligated to give my own written account of what occurred. So that future generations—if there are any—will have all the facts at their disposal when they decide how to judge my actions.

And that is the end of our chapter 0. And can I just say: what a mess already. I don’t think my snark can properly convey how utterly devoid of emotion this book’s writing is, and that alone is honestly more of a turn-off than anything else in the book so far. Even, knowing that I railed about it in the first book, I still feel newly unprepared for it. And it’s not like this double-prologue is making me hopeful that the book will show an ounce more critical thinking—or decent fucking humanity towards marginalized groups—as its predecessor.

So, that’s a lot to look forward to! For the sake of my sanity and schedule, don’t expect me to do such big posts every time. I’ll probably do one chapter a week from now on, if that. We’re in for a long ride, but I hope it’s worth it, at least.

#ready player two #ernest cline #st: ready player two #book reviews

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Green Eggs and Ham: “Train” Review or A Little Better Now (Patreon Review for Emma Fici)

Hello you happy people and all aboard! We’re back on the Green Eggs and Ham Train for a Train themed episode. Train. As you can tell I like trains... admitely I don’t see enough episodes et on them and I don’t buy books or obess on them but I like the idea of a train, the comfort, the use of a mode of travel that was once common but is now simply used on occasion with the dawn of air travel, and it confining our heroes to a smaller space with limited room to move. it’s good stuff. I even tolerae the band train... I mean yes their music is okay at best, but the lyrics.. are wonderfully delightfully insane. Who else would use a garbage bag as a genuine romantic metaphor?

When last we left off things ere a bit ehhhhhhhhhhh: Sam went from delightfully quirky with some issues ot adress to annoying, and Michelle went from kin dof a bitch ot ENTIRELY THAT BITCH. Outside of Guy’s mental breakdown/heatstroke episode involving hallucinations of green eggs and ham, yes that did in fact happen, it wasn’t much to write home about and I worried the series simply had a good PILOT but the series itself wasn’t going to be fun sit through.

If I was right or I was rilla.. will have to wait till after the cut. But first as always i’d like to thank the person who payed for this episode Emma Fici. Emma is one of my closest friends and one of two patreon patreons. If you’d like a reivew of your choice eveyr month guarnateed, then please hop over to patreon.com/popculturebuffet and back me at the 5 dollar level. You also get access to my exclusive discord where I ocasoinally post about work in progress stuff and tlak to my falns, to pick a short any time I do one and EXCLUSIVE review, as well as helping me hit my stretch goals. So line up, sign up then join me under the cut.

So we pick up where we left off with Guy hurtling into a lake. Eh I dunno i’ve heard being naked ina lake is pretty neat.

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All you’d have to do is take off the hat and your there. But Sam saves him wiht the weird train of hats he put at the end of the car for some reason, and our heroes are saved.. but down a vehicle. Oh and Sam’s vehiclular neglgence costs a bunch of fish their home.

And our heroes are without a car and Guys at the end of his rope with Sam.. I mean granted he’s been there since he met the guy but it’s down to like the tiniest thred, not helped by Sam casually stealing his wallet to pay for train tickets depsite Guy , UNDERSTANDABLY, not wanting to hang out with the guy who has stolen with him, gotten him implicate din animal trafficing and dosen’t really respect personal space. Also it’s taken me embarassingly long to remember Micheal Douglas played my boy Hank Pym in the Ant Man and the Wasp films. Seroiusly I don’t know HOW I forgot that, him being aged up and thus unable to do ANY of the things he is constnatly denied credit for in canon (Founding the avengers, being the first ant man.. and the first goliath and the first yellow jacket and the first giant man.. and the only doctor pym...).. but instead the film kept his troubled nature and ego, but removed the domestic abuse (which is something I will not go into but needless to say the comics version went above and beyond to try and make up for that and redeem himself soley because it was the right hting to do) and by making im older still gav ehim a roll as Scott’s mentor. What i’m getting at is I freaking love Hank Pym and I could’ve been making hank pym jokes for several episdoes now. That’s a mistake I itned to recitfy.. right away as Guy looses his suitcase as a result of it and whie he lcaims not to be bothered his voice says otherwise. Eh i’m sure the world can wait for ultron Guy.

So anyway, Guy reluctantly agrees to the train travel idea and being parked across from Sam on the grounds he has no real other options. Meanwhile the BAD GUYZ.. and i’ve also decided to drop spoilers as the series is two years old, most people reading this have probably seen the series, and it makes analysis rough when I have to dance around spoilers. So yeah the BAD GUYZ aren’t villians.. kind of a dickhead on the blue guys part, but not EVIL. They figure out their going by train it’s a whole thing.

ON the train we run into michelle again...

Yeahhh for the first half she’s as inusfferable as she was the last two episodes and it lead me to believie the rest of the series was going to be constant suffering as she’d be in every episode, likely because they DID get Diane Keaton for this and you don’t waste Diane Keaton. You just don’t. But while they got their money’s worth in having her on screne wise they just..w asted her for the first 2 and a half episodes: Michelle is a judgemental, unpleasnt suffocating bitch and it’s going to take a lot , even if this episode helped, to make me truly like her as a person.

Case in point her first two scenes this episode are just.. dragging her daughter past a play place uncarring about her feelings because while I DO get she cares about her child’s saftey and is terrified afte rloosing her husband.. it dosen’t EXCUSE her actions. It dosen’t forgive her locking her daughter up constanlty, not talking to her like a human being and oh yeah PUTTING A FUCKING LOCK ON HER SHE CAN CONTROL. I mean my god I don’t think they INTENDED for her to come off as abusive as she does, and i’ve seen far worse inteitonally and untietionally, but it’s still not remotely plesant. There is a larger issue baked into that the episode brings about, but we’ll get to that.

And naturally at breakfast.. she procedes to top herself. ONCE AGAIN she treats guy like trash as guy UNDERSTANDABLY didn’t want to talk to her after her previous layers of bullshit which, just as a refresher, involved insulting his invention constnatly (even if it turned out ot be dangerous she did not know that till the last second) then refusing to help a man BAKING in the desert and mocking him to his face.

So yeah unsuprisingly instead of you know, APOLOGIZING for that episode or anything else she mocks him again and calls him sad. I just.. I get they were trying to have her come off as a jerk and then slowly develop.. but you can’t overdue the jerk part. It has to be juts the right amount and if it is this much there has to be a commpuance. There is none as far as I can tell because god is a spiteful two faced prick.

So naturally Sam forces the two parties together, and orders green eggs and ham for everyone, except guy who refuses. We do get a really great bit though as EB turns down the idea and we get a tremendous rant from Micheal Douglas as he talks about how a girl in his clash, veyr likely just him, got a rash from tring new things and you shouldn’t and to watch out for the scarlet beetle he’ll steel your ants and try to conquer your planet and is not a guy in a costume but in fact an actual beetle. EB naturally tries it.

We get a brief interlude with Snerz that’s funny enough: he outright calls his visotrs flunkies, they enter to the song money, and his minon throws dollar bills at their feet. I imagine this is what visitng Mar a Largo is like. They turn up his noses until he mentions getting a chickarffe for his animal crutelty wall. And i’m torn about Snerz. On one hand he can be generally entertaining in his dickery.. but ont he other I do question why he’s in EVERY episode. We don’t NEED him in eveyr one and I feel he’s only in them because Eddie Izzard was expensive so they had to get him as a regular to justify the cost. We really DONT’ need this scene funny as it is and it adds nothing so far. Maybe i’m wrong and these guys end up being important. I don’t know.

So yeah so far this episode was miserable getting through and I expected it to be another long sit... I was wrong. The second half.. is really damn good and reminded me why I liked this series so much. No really. We get two stories,both really good following one half of each pair teaming up. As for why their split Guy is annoyed with Sam, as well as dosen’t want him letting the chickaraffe out because you know lots of people dosen’t want ot go to jail and leaves to find a quiet place to work on watching paint dry while Michelle tucks a sleeping EB in, her first really truly humanizing moment, which should NOT have taken three episodes but hey, i’ll take it, and goes to find the same.

So starting with Sam and EB, naturally Sam takes all of a minute to let his buddy out and it gets loose on top of the train. EB hears the familiar sound and gives chase and the two meet properly. After Sam covers for his buddy and realizes the creature is asleep in his car safe now, he properly talks to EB and we get a truly magical sequnece: The two talk with Sam whoelheartdly supporting her free spirit and finally giving the girl what she badly needed: someone who treated her not as something to be tied down but you know.. a child who just wants some expression and as she literally lets her hair down, It’s truly adorable and it just has a magical quanitity as they enjoy the beautiful view from the train top.

Granted this takes at urn later when EB brings up her mom, and Sam.. supports her mom, pointing out she’s just looking out for her.. which she is but in a deeply unehalthy way and I don’t like the show just.. brushing over Michelle’s terrible actions because “she’s her mom”. But it’s also hard to tell if they are: Sam’s mom left him as we’ll find out, so he likely colors his memories of her rosey and simply envys EB still HAVING hers. It’s not BAD stuff but I don’t like a work saying “You should love your family just beacause your related”. Instead of because they lovea nd support you and if they dont’ love you or treat you remotely well or don’t give an ass about you fuck them. Thankfully I DO love my family and have no issues with them, my immediate family at least, but i’ve had friens with downright abusive or neglectful parents. It’s not that black and white. Ducktales also hammered in the family theme but was transparent in how it can me messy, harm each other and that it took true love and consideratoin for it to work at it’s core.

It’s still not a terrible scene and what comes next is neat as earlier it was shown the train has loops, because Seussworld, and now that’s a problem because their on top of it. Michelle’s jail braclet thing ends up coming in handy the first loop, as while she can’t unstick it means she and sam can suririvie it. They do get it loose, turns out the password was indeed password, because of course, and they end up narrowly suriving a roller coaster bit of track, with the help of MR. Jenkins who I can finally name because EB names her in the next scene. Understanding her need for a pet, Sam deputizes her, and gets her back in bed in time for the next plot.

Speaking of which winding back a bit as these two go back and forth, Guy goes through two rather hilarious cars: First a bath car that has a bubsby berkely style water number and then a model train car.. with the train on the track showing guy watching guy watchin gthe train etc.

It’s great. Guy ends up finding the quiet car.. and Michelle. And in her first scene of acting like a human being and not if julie powers was a soccer mom, Michelle, while standosfish as usual, not only unites with guy to shush a loud guy in the car, but is genuinely apricative when Guy helps her get her place back, she was doing some literal bean counting.

The two genuinely hit it off, first with some adorable silent bits and then by talking, with Michelle appreciating his now safer job and warming up to him. Keaton and Douglas have GENUINE chemestry and it annoys me itt took the series this long to use that instead of wasting Diane Keaton on being

It’s really great stuff and i’m actually rooting for the two.. once she gets her shit together obviously. Guy does make the mistake of lying abotu knowing about the chikcaraffe.

This ends up being bad as he finds out EB knows the next day and after she leaves the car RIGHTFULLY tears the fuck into same for getting him accused of crime, stealing from him and now puttin ghim in a precarious situation. While Guy DID lie, he idd so well meaningly and trying to impress someone whose ineherntly judgmeental. Douglas also does REALY well in the scene, calling sam out but it dosen’t feel cruel.. it’s justified. While guy is miserable and does need to work on himself.. Sam also needs to work on himself and is putting guy in serious danger just by forcing him into his animal smuggling scheme.

So Guy leaves.. and naturally given the unvierse hate shim runs into the BAD GUYZ, who aren’t much better. No really they refuse to belieive guy might be innocent, use excessive force on everyone. They have better GOALS than sam but I woudln’t really call them good people. Smash to black and we’re out.

Final Thoughts: This one was better. As I said the first half or rather third drags slightly but once we get to the two seperate plotlines it’s REALLY damn good stuff and reminded me what the series was capable of in character in creativity. Hopefully it keeps this up

Next Time on the Blog: We return to mewni for the penultimate chapter of season 3 as Moon and Eclipsa have some fundemtnal disgareemnts on how to handle Meteora that wind up costing both dearly.

See you at the next rainbow

#green eggs and ham #guy am I #sam I am #dr seuss #netflix #animation #patreon

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paulfwesley · 4 years ago

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A Split Second (Part Four) [Bryce Lahela x f!MC]

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f!MC (Dr. Claire King).

Chapter Rating: T.

Word Count: 3.3K.

Description: She might not know what her faith is, but someone reminds her how to hold on to it. TW: guns, violence, blood. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices’ Open Heart. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Claire King’s background is my own creation, based off of MC in-game’s personality.

Author’s Note: I’m sorry this took so long!! And I’m also sorry because there is one more part after this XD But that will be the last part, I promise!! This chapter took on a life of its own. Bryce isn’t in it, but it’s definitely something that I realized Claire needed in the development of this story. If you’d like to be tagged please let me know! I don’t count people liking the actual post because I don’t know if that’s you wanting to be tagged XD so be sure to comment and tell me!

Tagging: @commander-rahrah @jaydito-tjjd @anotherbeingsworld @shakespeareanwannabe @bitchloveskcbaseball @wisegirl9 @rookie-ramsey @mrsdrakewalkerblog @omgjasminesimone @frenchieswiftie @jamespotterthefirst @elladines @thanialis @lucy-268 @sherrylove @bloomingsivan @lahellacute @araihc-ce @ltimeisanillusionl

Enjoy!

Claire’s favourite time of the year was Christmas. She loved decorating her home, she loved watching Christmas movies, she loved giving gifts, really loved getting gifts. But despite her favourite holiday centering around the birth of the figure of the religion, she didn’t know if she could call herself a Christian.

But that didn’t stop her from sitting in the back pew of the hospital’s multi faith room. It was a small place, roughly the size of the diagnostic team’s room, with three pews on either side of the room. She had expected for there to be a giant figure of Jesus painted in stained glass on the window, but because of the place being a multi faith room, they couldn’t. A tall podium sat at the front of the room, probably for when leaders of the faith came to speak to the people desperately seeking any kind of reprieve from the worry that plagued their every waking moment.

Admittedly there were a lot of places Claire could have gone. The cafeteria, where she could have stress ate until Bryce’s surgery was over, but with G.S.Ws there was always the chance that complications could arise, and she wasn’t sure how much her poor stomach could handle, especially when she thought about eating anything her stomach clenched.

She briefly considered a supply closet, but she could still remember the burning shame she felt when June found her there crying her eyes out at the news of Kyra’s relapse. It was too risky, especially because of the coming and going that arose with the need for supplies in there.

Then she thought about waiting it out in the resident lounge, but there she’d be surrounded by her friends. She’d have to talk with them, listen to them give reassurances that nothing would happen to Bryce, but Claire didn’t want to listen to empty promises. Her friends had seen her in bad states before: blood soaking her scrubs, exhaustion draining her face, the occasional stench that emitted off of her when she was so caught up in a case she forgot to shower. But she didn’t want them to see her like this: eyes bloodshot, nose red, tissue tucked into her sleeve for easy access when a rack of sobs hit her like a freight train. She just wanted to be somewhere she could shut her brain off.

That was when her mind flashed to the multi faith room. It was always quiet in here, save for the odd sniffle or sob that came out of a person while they prayed for their husband to make it through the night, their sister to make it through her surgery, their grandfather’s diagnosis to be anything but what they feared the most. Otherwise, it was a place where people came to find some shred of peace. The silence was comfortable; it was a recognition that everyone in the small room was suffering somehow, but who found companionship with each other in the sense that they all sent their pleas to a guy sitting on a cloud in the sky.

Tonight, though, the multi faith room was surprisingly empty. Someone had to have been in there earlier, because the collection of candles that sat on the table in front of the podium were lit, the flames of each individual candle small but creating a larger, stable symbol of hope. Each candle represented an unknown person, a life no one knew, a story untold, but every tiny wick created a sense of solidarity, the knowledge that someone was thinking of you, that this point in time, there was a place in the darkness where all hope was extinguished, but burning on as a deliberate point to prove that your life mattered, that it was being prayed for, that you were being fought for. An ember to glow with the reminder that someone wanted, needed you to stay.

All the same, she chose the pew in the very back. She huddled against the armrest, tucking her knees under her and curling into the side as much as she could. She rested her joined hands under her head in the hopes that she would be less tempted to check the watch on her wrist and despair at how long the surgery was taking. She made Dr. Emery promise that she’d page her as soon as the surgery was over, but she didn’t know how long that would take, so Claire settled in for what could possibly be the longest night of her life.

Her eyes hurt, her head aching with exhaustion now that all the adrenaline had flushed out of her system. She was still in the blood soaked clothes she had been in when she tried to cover Bryce’s wound, but she couldn’t bring herself to get up and change out of them. Instead she lay there, the high air conditioning blasting through her clothes and stiffening the material, chafing against her chest. Still she didn’t move. Her memories of Bryce paralyzed her.

She relieved every single moment backwards right from the moment he had been whisked into the O.R. room all the way back to the first time she had seen him in the changing room on her first day in Edenbrook, when she had no idea who he’d become to her. Back then, he was just a meat headed jockey; someone fun to hook up with, but who Claire thought was the ‘no strings attached’ type, which was fine with her, because as each day passed she found herself more and more enamored with Ethan. But then Ethan left, and Bryce stepped up to help, and she finally started to see him in a new light. No, he wasn’t the type to buy you a drink at the bar, flirt with you just the right amount, laugh when he knew you wanted him to, knew just what to say to reel you in, and then go with you back to your place and then be gone without a word before you even woke up the next morning.

No. Bryce Lahela was the type to make terrible jokes. He talked during movies. He bought shots for his friends because he had heard they were going to compete against each other. He laughed at everything you said: your good jokes, your bad jokes, especially your terrible jokes, the ones you made because you knew only he would laugh at them. He’d bring you back to his place, lavish you, make you feel warm and loved and safe, and then the next morning he’d bring you breakfast in bed to share, even if it was just toaster waffles and he ate all of the strawberries even though you pleaded for him to spare you at least one. Bryce was safe. Bryce was loving. Bryce was home.

And she didn’t know if he’d die not knowing how much she loved him.

The idea twinged her chest, slowly spreading through her like a parasite, devouring all threads of hope and spitting out something that was ruined and beyond repair. She squeezed her eyes shut when she felt tears brimming, and she curled herself into a smaller ball, if that was even possible. It was as if she was hoping that the more she compressed herself, the more she’d be able to crush the pain that snaked her muscles.

She faintly heard the doors to the chapel opening. The thought of sitting up crossed her mind, because she was technically in a place of worship and she really shouldn’t have her feet up in a pew, but then she thought that this was a place people came when they were desperate, when medicine and hopeful statistics and the comforting words of doctors weren’t enough for them. Those people who were in no place to judge how she dealt with her emotions. So she kept her eyes shut, drinking in a shuddery breath through her mouth.

Movement in the chapel, footsteps echoing softly on the carpeted floor. The footsteps grew louder, and suddenly the seat next to her dipped with a weight of someone sitting down, the body heat of their dress pants brushing against her feet. She still kept her eyes shut, though. If someone needed her presence just to feel like they weren’t alone, so be it.

“I’ve known you for a little over a year, yet I never knew you were religious,” the agonizingly familiar voice said and Claire’s eyes immediately snapped open. She dropped her feet to the ground and sat up, turning her head so her eyes met his soft blue ones. Ethan gave her an easy smile, the look you’d give a child to reassure them that a needle was nothing to be scared of. “You didn’t peg me for the type to be singing Christmas carols about Jesus.”

Claire sniffled, blinking heavily before finally turning to face the front. “I mean, I decorate a Christmas tree and I paint Easter eggs, but I don’t know about church every Sunday or not mixing certain types of cloth.” She tilted her head back, letting her neck rest on the back of the seat. “But when I needed a place to be by myself, to be quiet, to feel some sort of peace… this is where I ended up.”

Ethan stared at her. At the wrinkles around her eyes. The dryness of her nose that came with the repeated rubbing of tissues. The redness in her swollen cheeks. “Lahela’s still in surgery.”

Her chest dipped. When she didn’t respond, Ethan continued. “That was the last update I could get from Harper. She’s the best. She’ll do what she can for Lahela. She--”

“I don’t need you to tell me what I already know, Ethan,” she cut in dryly. The words came out harsher than she intended. She always spoke cordially with Ethan, professionally, nicely even, considering that their split hadn’t really been… amicable. But now, tonight, she didn’t have the room to decipher the lingering tightness in her chest whenever she looked at him. Any emotions she felt tonight were for Bryce, the man she had only become certain of when she was on the verge of losing him.

Ethan went silent. “Then what do you need?”

“Just distract me.” She turned her eyes to him without lifting her head. “How did you find me here?”

“Aurora Emery saw you in here,” he responded. “She didn’t want to disturb you, though. But when I ran into her and asked if she’d seen you, she told me.”

She wasn’t sure if she should murder Aurora or thank her. She didn’t necessarily want to see Ethan but… but even after all this time, she still associated him with comfort, especially when he wasn’t open about it, which wasn’t what she wanted.

His leg bounced, his foot tapping against the floor. “The cops were looking for you. They wanted a statement.”

She cocked a brow. “And?”

“And I told them I didn’t know where you were,” Ethan answered. He gave her a once-over, taking in her frazzled appearance. “I figured after what happened, you wouldn’t be in the mood to really talk to anyone. Besides, Sienna had already filled us in on what had happened, but they wanted an eyewitness report.”

The corner of her lips turned up slightly. “Thanks for that.”

“I know this is probably a stupid question,” he started. “But are you okay?”

“Someone pointed a gun in my face today,” she hummed. She lifted her head and gave Ethan an incredulous look. “Would you be okay?”

“No,” he admitted. “But I’m honestly surprised you’re as calm as you are.”

The anger she thought she had suppressed, that she hadn’t felt in months, flashed through her. “I’m not as fragile as you think.”

“Right,” he acknowledged, the word lingering in the awkward air she had created. Claire squeezed her eyes shut and crossed her arms over her chest, sinking back into the weathered cushion while ignoring the discomfort of the wooden top.

After a few more silent seconds, Ethan finally said, “So… Lahela, huh?”

She didn’t even bother opening her eyes. A snort escaped her lips before she could stop it. “It’s a little late to play the jealous ex, don’t you think?”

“No, I know,” Ethan quickly backtracked, his tone filled with alarm, but with a forlorn undertone that Claire only recognized because she was well versed in the language of Ethan Ramsey. “I just meant… he’s a good guy, if you had to pick someone.”

Claire couldn’t help but wonder if Ethan was trying to imply that he wasn’t a good guy, but she didn’t have the strength or energy to launch into that discussion. Instead, she said, “He is a good guy. The best, really. It just took me a while to see it.” Her shoulders deflated. “Too long, if I’m going to be honest.”

“I’m no stranger to feeling like you’ve waited too long,” Ethan said quietly. The words cut through Claire, though only deep enough to leave a superficial wound. “But I’m sure Lahela knows how you feel.”

“He doesn’t,” she retorted. She opened her eyes to see Ethan staring at her, confusion raising his brows. Claire pushed herself up so she sat properly. “He thought all he was to me was just a rebound. But he’s not. He’s everything to me. He makes me happy, feel warm, feel safe…” To her horror tears blurred her vision. She didn’t want to be the type of person that cried to her ex about her current boyfriend (though Claire wasn’t even sure that was who Bryce was to her) but here she was. Yet instead of making her feel awkward, Ethan just waited patiently, his face neutral, his eyes betraying none of the emotions she wondered he felt hearing her talk about someone else to him. He dipped his chin for her to continue, and encouraged, she did. She bit her lip to keep it from wobbling and sobbed, “But I couldn’t do the same for him. He got shot because of me.”

Ethan put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. “Rookie, pull yourself together.”

That nickname. One she hadn’t heard since her final day as an intern, when he had accidentally let it slip before correcting himself with the reminder that she was no longer an intern. It was a nickname she had loathed when he gave it to her; it made her feel impossibly small and feeling like she had to live up to it. But over time she began to associate the challenge that came with the word rookie, the drive that made her want to work harder, the validation when she realized that at some point, the word had turned from a nickname that Ethan had given her because he hadn’t known her name to a name that she had built a positive reputation around. Claire King: the Rookie of the intern year of 2019. The best of the best, the woman who refused to let herself be broken. And now, with Ethan using it just now, those feelings came rushing back to her.

She straightened her back and instinctively raised her chin, like she was poised to report a diagnosis or defend her actions. Ethan gave her an approving smile. “Bryce didn’t get shot because of you. If he did, it was because he loved you, and he would rather it be him in pain than you.”

“But I didn’t ask him to do that!” Claire sobbed, unable to contain the despair slugging through her veins.

“You didn’t have to,” he pointed out. “The moment Bryce had seen that gun pointing at you, he had made up his mind.”

She gave him a look. “And how do you know that?”

“Because if it were me, I would have made the same decision,” he revealed,

The tension was so thick in the air around them it could have been cut clean through with a knife. “Ethan…” she breathed.

“I know,” he said, whispered. The words were so simple. Short, one syllable each. Yet they were heavy, wistful, filled with the joyous memories of a life that had been, haunted by the possibilities of a future that might have been. If she wasn’t Claire King, junior fellow on the diagnostic’s team. If he wasn’t Ethan Ramsey, the country’s best diagnostician, and the leader of the diagnostic’s team. It was a truth that went unsaid, the mournful melodies hidden by the words of a promising love song. Their love was one that was fleeting, never meant to thrive, never meant to see the light of day, never meant to go beyond the secret wishes that things were different.

She darted her gaze away from him, focusing on the stain on the patch of carpet that she was praying was coffee. Ethan cleared his throat. “You can’t blame yourself for Bryce’s choices, or even for the gunman’s choices. All you can do is have faith that Harper is amazing at her job and that Lahela is strong enough to make it through the other side.”

She chuckled humourlessly, giving the empty space around her a long look. “Ethan Ramsey, I had no idea you were such a poet.”

Ethan snorted, and that launched the both of them into a fit of laughter, tears streaming down their cheeks and clutching their aching sides. They would finally sober up, but then one of them would break again, and then that would make them lose it again.

The door to the chapels opened, and a short old lady took one step in and turned to find the source of laughter. When her disapproving gaze landed on Ethan and Claire, they both stopped laughing. Instead of stepping inside, the woman clicked her tongue in disbelief and shook her head in disgust before stepping out. Ethan and Claire looked at each other again before dissolving into another round of laughter.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, Claire’s laughs ceased. She wiped at the corner of her eyes. “Thank you, Ethan,” she said. “I needed that.”

“Hey, I’m a doctor,” he offered, a familiar twinkle in his eyes. “It’s my job to make people feel better.”

A smile graced her face, while the ghost of one tugged on Ethan’s lips. It was a gesture of understanding between two people who had loved and lost, and who recognized that while ending things had been the right decision, they would always need each other in their lives. It was in that moment that Claire realized that she and Ethan had needed each other, but were never meant to end up together. In Ethan, Claire had found a mentor, someone who understood her passion and who recognized her talent, who could push her to be the best she could be. In Claire, Ethan had found someone he had been wandering for years without-- a true friend. Someone who listened without judgment, who offered solutions, who reminded you of what mattered in life, someone who was just there when they needed you to be.

And in Bryce, Claire thought, she had found a true partner. In Bryce, she had found the person she was meant to end up with, who would swing their joined hands obnoxiously while they walked down the street while she apologized to passerbys but who did it because it brought a smile to her face. In Bryce, she found someone she knew she could count on to never run away. In Bryce, she had found her soulmate.

Her pager buzzed. The vibration froze her, rendering her unable to move. With an encouraging nod from Ethan, Claire sucked in a steadying breath. She was ready.

She pulled her pager out of her pocket. Looked down at the words that, regardless of what they were, would change her life forever.

He made it.

#open heart #playchoices #bryce lahela #bryce lahela x mc #open heart fanfiction #open heart fanfic #bryce lahela x mc fanfic #alinas fanfic #my fanfic #choices: stories you play

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noragami-ru-manga · 5 years ago

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Soul summoning and Father’s return from Yomi

For someone who supposedly hates Father, I sure talk a lot about him, huh

While I was flipping through the pages of the manga, I once again came to a stop at the soul summoning scene in chapter 37. Specifically at Nora’s tale about Father escaping from Yomi, which I, apparently, did not pay due attention to.

I’ve never had a single opinion on how Father got in and out of Yomi, so I toyed with a few.

1. When Father was still human, he was already interested in researching ayakashi (like Ebisu, for example), somehow learned about the kotonoha (the Word of Yomi) and decided to get one for himself. He voluntarily ventured into Yomi but asked the pock-marked girl to soul call him beforehand, and she did just that.

2. The pock-marked girl died, and Father got mad at the gods for being directly or indirectly involved. He went to Yomi to get her back, stumbled upon Izanami, saw the brushes in action, and either stole or wheedled out one of them.

3. Father was the one who died while the pock-marked girl lived. While in Yomi, Father encountered Izanami, learned about the brushes, and got his hands on one of them.

In this post I want to examine the last option – the one in which Father died and was resurrected by that girl of his through soul summoning.

First of all, let me remind you that soul summoning isn’t something Adachitoka came up with specifically for Noragami, but an actual Japanese tradition.

I think it’s reasonable to assume that whatever exists in our world is also a thing in Noragami universe. All the locations that we see in the series, specifically shrines, are real places (with the exception of the characters’ houses, Takamagahara and Yomi, obviously). This means that the tradition of soul summoning can easily exist in-universe.

Maybe it’s just me (or the translation), but the way Kofuku talks about soul summoning seems to imply that she knows what it is and expects others to know about it, too. Apparently, they just never thought of using it on a god because it’s a human tradition.

And it goes against everything both Father and Amaterasu say.

Amaterasu says humans can’t (mustn’t) come back to life at all, Father implies he is the only one who’s managed to return from Yomi/come back to life. How do we reconcile these statements with people climbing on roofs and staring down wells trying to revive their loved ones? The answer is – people did all that, they just weren’t successful. Except for the pock-marked girl.

I’m absolutely sure she was the one who called Father back from Yomi, thanks to a discussion I stumbled upon here on Tumblr.

@sayaka19fan gave an alternate translation of this scene that differs from both the official transalation and the fan scanlation: “Even if he said I was a girl with pock marks I wonder if she was his loved one”. Aka “he was cold to me, even if I had her appearance”. So Father being distant made Izanami question her choice of appearance and wonder if she impersonated the wrong person.

If the girl was alive, then Father not being swayed by Izanami is easily explained, he simply knew that whoever was in front of him couldn’t have been that girl. This rules out her dying first and Father coming to Yomi to retrieve her the way Izanagi came after Izanami (not to mention that this particular scenario would require some other person to call Father’s name). So between the two of them, Father was the only one who got into Yomi.

The thing about Yomi is that it’s unclear whether it’s really a place where people go after their deaths. On the one hand, you have this word “yomigaeru” - to come back to life = to return from Yomi. On the other hand, there are opinions like this one:

In no ancient Shinto textual source is it explained who exactly goes to Yomi and why. Some historians suggest that the concept of a life after death was not a familiar one to the ancient Japanese and it only took form with the introduction of Buddhism from China in the 6th century CE. Yomi certainly has a very limited place in Shinto thought where a life after death is only vaguely alluded to and where there is an absence of a general concept of punishment and reward for souls in the next life as found in many other religions. The only suffering of souls in Yomi, if indeed there is any at all, is their separation from their living loved ones. The noted Shinto scholar and theologian Hirata Atsutane (1776-1843 CE) explains Yomi and its limited significance thus,

“The old legends that dead souls go to Yomi cannot be proven. Then it may be asked, where do the souls of the Japanese go when they die? It may be clearly seen from the purport of ancient legends and from modern examples that they remain eternally in Japan and serve in the realm of the dead governed by Okuninushi-no-kami. This realm of the dead is not in any one particular place in the visible world, but being a realm of the darkness and separated from the present world, it cannot be seen…

The darkness, however, is only comparative. It should not mistakenly be imagined that this realm is devoid of light. It has food, clothing, and houses of various kinds, similar to those of the visible world. Proof of this may be found in accounts…in which a person has occasionally returned to tell of the realm of the dead.

After death the soul leaves the body and resides in the area of the grave, a fact attested by countless accounts…of both ancient and modern times of miraculous occurrences by spirits in the vicinity of graves…Some say that the soul goes to the filthy realm of Yomi, but there is not a shred of evidence that this is the case”. (Scott Littleton, 94)

Even in the manga itself Yato and Ebisu didn’t encounter a single soul when they were in Yomi, only ayakashi and Izanami’s maidens. Then again, we learned in chapter 86 that where souls go in their afterlife depends on what they believed in when they were alive. So technically, if Father believed that dead souls end up in Yomi, that’s where he could have gone after he died.

Why do I now think that he died and didn’t venture into Yomi as a living person specifically to get the kotonoha? Again, it all comes down to the pock-marked girl. I think that her death could have been, in FMA terms, an “equivalent exchange” for Father’s return from Yomi.

See, gods in Noragami are pretty powerful, I give them that. They can, for example, turn into giant spiders (Ookuninushi) and lightning (Takemikazuchi). And while the series never really explains how exactly Tenjin goes about helping students get better marks, or how Ebisu helps businesses, I’m pretty sure that gods can alter reality to some extent. However, they aren’t all-powerful, and there’s one thing they can do nothing about – death.

Of course, we should take into account that Yato isn’t exactly a god of healing to at least theoretically be able to postpone someone’s death (he can totally do the opposite though). I do think, however, that any other god would have said the same, because this is the one thing the gods cannot change. They can’t postpone death because the circle of life is the nature of things and shouldn’t be meddled with. Not because “Amaterasu said so”, but because that’s how the world is. Who made the world like this is a tricky question to answer, since to extent to which the Japanese cosmogoniс myth is applicable to Noragami, aka what came first, the egg or the hen, is a topic for a discussion of its own.

Bottom line is, if Father came back from the dead, something had to balance that out, and that something was the pock-marked girl’s death. It wasn’t a punishment from the Heavens for his breaking out of Yomi, which the Heavens, apparently, don’t even know about. It wasn’t an injustice that some god committed, ‘cause gods had nothing to do with it all. Father became bitter at the world for taking the pock-marked girl away from him, at the gods who didn’t help him when he needed them, and at humans who created and support those useless gods. The clothes Father was wearing when he was escaping from Izanami are the same ones he was in when he was hugging the girl in chapter 60. If this is how things went, then the effect of his return was immediate – as soon as he came back, the girl died.

There’s one more thing that bothers me about Father – how he’s survived after his return from Yomi, specifically how he changes bodies. It’s hard to tell if he had a body in the scenes from Yato and Nora’s childhood, since Far shore beings can interact with the real-life objects (food, clothes) just fine. All we know is that he’s had the same appearance in Yomi, in Yato and Nora’s childhood, and even now; and also that he doesn’t just possess bodies, but their souls as well. His current “host” Fujisaki is a third year high-school senior, meaning he’s roughly two years older than Hiyori. If Father is reborn in a new body each time, then Yato hasn’t seen him for 17-18 years now. And that Yato has never seen Fujisaki before his father made himself known when he and Yukine were walking down the street is apparent not just from their exchange in Fujisaki’s house

but also from the very first scene Father was in. Yato saw how Fujisaki caught Hiyori, and if he knew that the guy was his father, he definitely would have warned her to stay away. Granted, Yato probably didn’t see the guy’s face, but it doesn’t change the fact that Yato first saw what Father now looks like in the year the events of the manga currently take place – after 2010.

Except we see in the Volume 8 omake that Father collected articles about the “Yatogami miracle” from 2000′s, too – when Fujisaki was barely in primary school. (I don’t know if I need to explain this, but just in case it confuses you. I’m not talking about who and when was collecting the papers. What I mean is that Yato worked as a magatsukami in 2000′’s when Fujisaki was only a child).

Could Nora have been the one to make Yato go back to his work as a magatsukami all on her own on those occasions when Father couldn’t command him, being a grown man in the body of an infant or a child with all the restrictions that come with it (also, gross)? She was able to deliver him to Father using the masks, but for the most part she was just following his orders. So I’m really curious what Father meant when he said that he “didn’t get to chose”. Does it mean he has to be reborn as a baby each time he dies? Or maybe two souls are just too much for one body to handle, thus he has to switch them quite often and at the most inconvenient times, so he just uses whoever is available? He had to change schools to spy after Yato and Hiyori because Kouto didn’t live in Tokyo, and he seems to somewhat care about his “sister” and “nieces”. But his being out of Yato’s life for a solid decade after each rebirth (before he at least has some freedom of movement, being a child and all) is too good to be true.

And even though I’ve said we don’t know for sure if he had a body after his return from Yomi, I’ll just go out and say that he had – his own body, no less, the one we saw in Yato and Nora’s memories. He had to be human to have wished Yato into existence in the first place, and since his appearance back then matches his current looks, he could have initially returned into his own body.

After all, time flows differently on the Near shore and on the Far shore. Although so far we’ve only seen that the passage of time is slower both in Yomi and Takamagahara.

Is the opposite possible? Could it be that while Father was in Yomi, very little time has passed in Nakatsukuni, so instead of burying Father the girl tried calling him back and succeeded? It’s a wild guess, but if day and night don’t have a set length on the Far shore, then it means that one day in Yomi can also be shorter than one day on Earth.

In any case, if Father did come back to his own body, it lasted for a while – at least until Yato was a teen.

Another thing that bothers me is how come Yato didn’t know what Father looked like after an entire month of staying in that cottage. Did Yato never look at him during that whole time? Or would Father come to the cottage as himself? We know that his soul can separate itself from Fujisaki’s, but is it accidental or intentional?

Look at his latest encounter with Hiyori.

Father showed himself for a split second, distracting Hiyori and letting the ayakashi bite her. Did he accidentally “slip out” because of his strong emotions, or did he do it deliberately to make Hiyori lose focus and be an easy target for his doggies? The second one is a very Father thing to do, and if he can separate himself from Fujisaki from time to time, it explains why Yato didn’t know he looks like a student now. However, he was Fujisaki when he came to collect Nora after the whole ordeal with Ebisu.

Maybe Yato only saw Father that one time during his entire stay at the cottage – when Father ordered him to go to Yomi. This way it’s possible that Yato indeed never looked at his face. Except chapter 29 seemingly disproves that.

The background to Yato’s thoughts is Father putting down the bucket with purifying water in it. If this is just to remind us that this person is Father, I’m fine with it. But if this is Yato’s memory, something he saw with his own eyes, then it can only mean that Father did not look like Fujisaki then.

TLDR: I think that Father came back from Yomi because the pock-marked girl resurrected him via soul summoning and died in exchange, accidentally or voluntarily. I’m not overly attached to this theory and I won’t be surprised or disappointed if it’s never confirmed. It was just fun to dig into Father’s possible past once more.

P.S. while I was reading the soul summoning scene, the inconsistencies in Amaterasu’s actions and words (“call him like in a soul summoning” – “people can’t come back from Yomi”, “call him by his real name” – “are you the one called Yatogami?”) made me entertain the idea that the girl who helped the gang wasn’t Amaterasu, rather her lookalike. Like her twin sister Tsukuyomi? They weren’t twins according to the Japanese mythology as far as I know, but in other mythologies the sun and the moon are twins *cough Greek cough*, and we’ve already seen that Adachitoka don’t exactly retell mythology but adapt it however they like. I did cast away the thought since there was too much focus on the sun during the scene, but it’s still a fun little idea.

#noragami #noragami manga #noragami meta #fujisaki kouto #father

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #398

“freedom is just man’s invention, & a soldier is just a slave”

What do you do the most when you’re online? Watch/listen to YouTube. Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever spent your birthday alone? No, that sure would suck. Were you afraid of heights as a child? Actually no, but NOW I kinda am. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Would you ever take a solo road trip? No, that sounds super depressing and lonely. Do the mountains fascinate you? Of course! So much history built into a magnificent, awe-inspiring piece of nature. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? Wow, no. I wouldn't tolerate that for a second. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? The fight between Simba and Scar is very powerful imo. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, but not because I'm opposed. I'd love to go to one and be the photographer. What’s your favorite Marvel movie? Probably one of the Spider-Man films. I don't remember which it is, and I don't want to spoil it by explaining what I do recall. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s the most difficult experience you and a significant other have gone through together? Being long-distance when we really wanted each other's physical comfort. Have you ever attempted to pick a lock? Did you succeed? Yes, because Ashley locked her keys in the car. I don't remember if it worked, actually. Have you done the Bratz doll challenge for YouTube? No. I've seen a couple people do it, though, and it's both cool and creepy. Does the hospital in your town have a good reputation? NOOOOOOOOOOOO. What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee" from Megan. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No. I would be SO uncomfortable. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? No. :/ Well, the one you put in, anyone. I have a metal one behind the front row of my bottom teeth. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yes. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? I know way too many people who have suffered miscarriages. Do you take your medications regularly? Yes. What’s one luxury item you wish you could afford? An actually nice house. What’s your favorite thing to do in a swimming pool? Just kinda casually swim around. Have you ever been abused by a cop? No. What is one thing that you took to show-and-tell as a kid? My Snorlax plushy. Do you remember losing your first tooth? No. In the summer would you rather have the windows down or the A/C on in the car? I strongly prefer A/C. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I had a long-time addiction to World of Warcraft for a couple years or so. I still play it now, but I'm not addicted to it anymore. As a matter of fact I get bored of it easily now. Which was better: the original The Lion King or the sequel? The original, but I love both very much. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I don't know if any did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? Roman, 120%. It is so obvious. Venus, no, as reptiles are literally incapable of experiencing that emotion. I do, however, know she trusts me. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. How do YOU believe the world & universe started? I don't know. I feel like MAYBE there is some sort of ultimate intelligence that formed the universe (maybe prompted the Big Bang, though I've always been dubious of that occurring naturally), but I don't think of this topic frequently at all. Does it really matter, after all? We're here, so just focus on that and live in the now. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? NO, that shit grosses me the hell out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your fucking cart, please. It is NOT that difficult. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain places I've, uh, "done" things. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Yep. I seriously loved Green Eggs and Ham. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape is #1. Would you rather give your food to a homeless shelter or money to charity? Food to a homeless shelter, but I'd love to do both. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? 2016 was a fucking NIGHTMARE. Have you spent money on a game online? On one occasion, I asked if Mom would reactivate my WoW account, and when two expansions came out, I asked if she could buy them. I HATED asking. Thankfully, now, I'm rich enough in the game to pay for the "token" currency, which renews your subscription for a month, so I essentially play for free now. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes. Have any self-done piercings? Noooo. I only trust professionals. Ever pierced someone else? Again, no. Leave it to professionals, as well as someone without tremors. If you had a child with down’s syndrome, would you keep him/her? IF I wanted kids, of course I would. It really, REALLY bothers me when DS is the reason behind abortion. Mind you, I am pro-choice, but come on... Don't treat down's syndrome children as a curse. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? Of fucking course I would. I'd damn that person to hell myself. Is there a toxic person that you miss? I sometimes miss Colleen. Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn’t? With Jason, yes. If he actually wanted me back (that will never happen, but anyway), I fear I'd say yes and probably would, realistically. When was the last time you had a new crush? When I realized I was bisexual. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? Back when I was a Christian, I was terrified of Judgment Day. I don't believe in it now. What is something you can’t wear because of your body type? I COULD wear whatever the hell I wanted, but I refuse to wear crop tops or strapless tops (or strapless bras). Oh, and thongs. No thanks. If you have curves, do you like them? I'm not curvy naturally, I'm just fat. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? No, but that'd be cute. Has anyone ever mistaken you for being anorexic? No way. What fast food place do you avoid at all costs? Arby's, to name one. Are you afraid of deep sea creatures? Yes, especially giant squid. Have you ever agreed to purchase something on Ebay and got scammed somehow? Ugh, I got Ico THREE TIMES and they were ALL broken; they'd freeze in the first few minutes. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What is your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah, multiple times. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say it was a split down the middle. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? Jason, Tyler, Juan, and Sara all began over text. Girt asked me out over Facebook Messenger. Do you think sloths are cute or ugly? They're cuties! What eyeshadow suits you best? I only wear black eyeshadow. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I did as a kid and really liked it. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. I don't think I could handle the humidity, though I'd love to see all the beautiful wonders. Are you a member of any clubs? No. Would you shave your head with a friend who had cancer? If it was someone I was very close to and they were extremely self-conscious about it, I'd probably be willing to get very short hair, but I don't think I could handle no hair at all. How did you meet your pet? Roman was one of the kittens of Ashley's mother-in-law's cats. She has way too many cats and needed to get rid of the kittens, and I'd been wanting one like mad. I found Venus via the online reptile-selling hub called Morph Market, and I became VERY interested in the many, many ball python morphs, and when I saw her, I immediately knew that was my baby. Did/Do you have any PEZ dispensers? I did as a kiddo. What are some of the phrases in your personal ‘bingo’ card? "Mood," "can't relate," "hi, how are ya," "jinkies," "yikes," "oof," shit like that. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, only middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? No, I'd be very scared to. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? I have two for my varying photography subjects. I post very rarely on both. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? I have not.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''civilize the universe'' by ozzy osbourne

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ngame989 · 5 years ago

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“Friends” - TGG SVTFOE Fanfic Collection Ch. 12

Writing: @ngame989

Art: @toxicpsychox

Editing: @ubercelloczar, @seddm

Alternate fic links - FFnet, AO3

Summary: Ludo needs help making friends and turns to Star and Marco for help, but things quickly spiral out of their control.

Comic Page

Masterpost

It's been an incredibly trying month for me and I'm unsure about a lot of things in my personal life now, but this isn't one of them. I'm so happy to finally be getting back to my feet so I can make more of the Starco content I want the world to see. Hope you enjoy, and thanks for your patience. (Also, fair warning, there’s one ever so slightly steamy Starco scene here)

“Have you ever wondered why heart thingies are hearts?” Marco stopped chewing on a bite of his burrito as he turned his full attention to Star. It wasn’t the most confusing thing she’d ever said, but it was up there. “Like, why does this symbol mean hearts and love and stuff?” she clarified, holding up a piece of heart-shaped candy from the post-Valentine’s Day shopping spree Eclipsa had taken her on weeks ago.

“Dunno,” he responded. “Maybe it’s what people used to think hearts looked like or something.”

“None of the hearts I’ve seen on hunting trips with Dad ever looked like this. Although one was made of chocolate.” She shrugged and popped the treat into her mouth, dumping some more from the bag into her mouth soon after. Her cheeks were puffed out, stretching her heart marks wide and Marco couldn’t help but giggle at the sight. “What?” she mumbled, still chewing. He pantomimed the sight in front of him, pointing to his own puffed-up cheeks. Star quickly grabbed two more candies, licking the backs of them before sticking them to Marco’s face, smiling quite smugly at her handiwork. “Now we’re heart twinsies!” She scooted around the table next to him and leaned in, snapping a selfie. “The kids will love this one.”

He swallowed the last bite of his burrito, thanking the heavens for the new Taco Baco location on campus. The other food options there were… lacking, to say the least.

“The Valentine’s Day Chocopalooza was a smash hit, but I have no clue how to follow it! I can’t have peaked after half a year, Marco!” The memories came flooding back: brownie batter as far as the eye could see, melted chocolate inflicting its goopy wrath on every surface in the kitchen, and so much frosting that he still didn’t want to even look at the stuff.

“I think they just like spending time with you. You’re really good with kids, Star. Besides, the only other holiday coming up is Easter, and you’re terrified of it.”

“It has a giant rabbit that lays eggs, Marco! How do you not see how horrifying that is?”

A loud cough from the bushes behind them might normally have only caught Marco’s attention for a passing moment, but another voice frantically shushed it. “Dennis, quiet! The giant bunny schtick is too good!”

“Ludo?” Star and Marco said in unison.

“Hello, Star and Marco!” Ludo exclaimed with an emphatic wave. “So wonderful to see you again! How’s your kid?”

“She’s not… she’s fine,” Marco relented, estimating that it wouldn’t be worth the hassle. “So… how’s it going?”

“Things are fine, family’s good. Bird and Spider told me to say hello.” He seemed even twitchier than Marco remembered. Dennis prodded his brother with a wing, clearly trying to be surreptitious about it and failing spectacularly. “Ahem, well, there is one teensy tiny issue… I ran into Bearnicorn a few days ago. I totally froze up! Things were pretty awkward last time I saw the whole gang and I think I’m finally ready to try again, but I have no idea how to do that. You might not know this, but I have some issues getting over things,” he stated earnestly. Star and Marco exchanged a bewildered glance - he couldn’t be serious, right? Wait, what were they thinking, Ludo could totally say something like that seriously. Ludo took a deep breath and continued, “But Dennis suggested that I come to you two for help, since I had actually managed to work everything out with you.”

Star munched on another chocolate heart as she mulled over what he was saying. “So you want our help to… make friends?”

The edges of his beak-mouth turned up in an ecstatic smile. “I would like that very much!”

***

“You’re sure about this, Star?”

“He’s not hurting anything, Mom.” Star didn’t glance up from the piles of clothing she was rummaging through at the sound of her mom’s wary question; it wasn’t an unfair one, considering the history involved. Even though he was friendly now, Ludo was too much of a wildcard to completely discount as harmless. Still, though, Star saw no reason to suspect any tricks up his sleeve (though there were probably some bugs there). The nostalgia of reconnecting with Ludo was oddly calming for Star, and considering how quickly Marco agreed to help Ludo with his issues, despite the craziness of midterms approaching, she guessed he felt the same. Drawer after drawer bore no fruit in her quest to find the sweater for Marco’s all-important psychology ensemble - the book and glasses had already been secured.

“Though I didn’t say anything, I admit I was initially hesitant about you two sharing living quarters like this, but I must say Marco’s organizational skills seemed to have rubbed off on you,” Moon said with a snicker. She bent down and checked under the bed, pulling out stray bags of cereal and bottles of soda that Star recognized from her and Marco’s late night movie marathons slash cuddle sessions. “...somewhat.”

Think Star, think! When was the last time you saw that dang sweater? Let’s see… he wore it on our Valentine’s Day date so it can’t be that hidden - it was a bit snug on him which made it extra adorably handsome. He’d said he’d wear it more if I wanted, and I fell over laughing when he wore it just last weekend before we… oh corn. Star now recalled where the sweater would almost certainly be as a wave of horror washed over her. She slammed the dresser drawer and whipped around for a mad dash to the nightstand, where- pegasus feathers. Moon had just found the sweater, which was great, and with it was the exact last box she wanted anyone else (and especially her mom) to find, which was... greeeeeeat. Star generally felt she had a solid, trusting bond with her mother, but she’d never been - and still wasn’t - the first person Star blabbed to about her personal affairs.

“Mom, I can explain-”

“Star, sweetie, I’m not upset. What you do with Marco is none of my business, you’re a grown young woman who is more than capable of making her own decisions. If anything I’m simply relieved that you’re taking such sane precautions. I may be old, but I’m not ready to earn my place in the Grandma Room quite yet.” Despite her embarrassment, Star had to admit she was eased by her mom’s understanding,. “And don’t worry,” Moon said softly, “I’ll handle the subject with your father for you, if you’d like.” And just like that, any comfort was washed away by a tidal wave of beet-red cheeks and incoherent sputtering.

Marco poked his head in, causing Star to yelp and jump off the bed. “Hey, you almost ready?”

“Yep! Totally, totally, totally ready and not discussing anything about our personal lives with mom!”

“Uh-huh…” Marco responded. “Well, I’m ready down there if you are. Oh hey, there’s my sweater. Good, we’ll need it... I, uh think we have our work cut out for us.”

Star was worried, but also kinda happy to have an excuse to leave the current conversation as soon as Mewmanly possible. She handed the sweater from her mom to Marco, who put it on as they walked downstairs to where Ludo was curiously poking around the living room.

“Oh, hello Star! I was just admiring your lovely castle. Bit small for my tastes, but what do I know, haha!”

“Yeeeeeeah…” She then leaned over to whisper to Marco. “So, like, what did he say so far?”

“He said that he tried practicing talking to people with garbage dolls.”

“Weird.”

“I don’t even know where to start, really.”

“Hey Ludo,” Star called out, walking over and sitting on the couch next to him. “So, bud, whatcha need us for here, exactly?”

“Ah, yes, well… I’d like to be able to talk to my old friends again without being their boss. You know, the whole scheming to defeat you… steal the wand… take over Mewni and rule it with an IRON FIST-” He had gotten so worked up that he was on his feet jumping up and down on the couch, but stopped and took a deep breath before chuckling. “Aha, see, there it is again! It’s usually not like this, it’s been months since I’ve even once brought up the wand in a game of cha-rads…”

Yeah, this might be a liiiiiiittle tricky. She tented her fingers as she came up with a plan. Could I… nah. Would it…? Mmm, no go. Wait, Star, duh! “ Alright, Ludo, it’s time for some patented psychomological work from Star Butterfly, H.P.D. We need to see what’s going on in your head.”

“Ooo, sounds fun! So for starters I think there’s some lice-”

“No, no,” she responded calmly, “I mean we need to find what’s making you tick.”

“Yup, I’ve got ticks too!”

Marco put a hand on her shoulder, his worried expression clear even to her peripheral vision. “Are you sure he should be in the same house as Mari-”

“Not now, Marco,” Star hissed, swatting his hand away while keeping her gaze trained on Ludo. “Why are you having trouble talking to your old friends again? What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say ‘Boo Fly’?”

“Messenger.”

“Buff Frog?”

“Excellent spy.”

“Lobster Claws?”

“Putting his claws on the wand- oh, wait, I see now! This is like cha-rads but with just words! You almost got me!”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re getting it! OK, one more… Toffee.”

“Candy! It’s so delectable with chocolate-”

“You know what, that one’s probably for the best,” Star murmured. “Well, Ludo, it seems to me like your biggest problem is that you aren’t even thinking about your old crew as regular people. Try this. Think of doing something you’d normally do with your brother.”

“Picking the worms out of our feathers to eat-”

“Yeah, no,” Star cut him off. She wanted to help, she really did, but she had a million other things on her mind and now was just not a great time for endless Ludo shenanigans. “I was thinking something less gross…”

“Basketball?” he cheerily offered.

“Sure. Imagine yourself playing basketball with your brother…” She paused a moment as he started miming out dribbling in his seat. “Now imagine doing the same exact thing but with Bearnicorn there instead of your brother.” His arms twitched a bit.

“Keep dribbling, man!” Marco called out encouragingly. Ludo shut his eyes in concentration and after a moment got back into his awkward, gawkish basketball form.

Ludo’s bulbous eyes snapped back open, frantic with glee. “Aha, yes! I think I see it now! Oh, thank you, Star and Marco! I’m off to go find my friends again!” With that, he bolted out the front door and scurried down the road until he was out of sight.

“You think that’ll work?” Star asked hopefully.

Marco sighed and hugged her from behind. “Not a chance.”

***

“Alright, we have a few minutes left in class so if anyone has any questions on the graded midterms I just passed back, let me know. Otherwise you’re free to leave. Have a good weekend!”

Marco hunched over in his chair as he quickly scanned through the multiple choice questions and short answers. A few stupid mistakes here and there, but still an A - he’d even gotten a smiley face next to his essay assessing some example personality type or another. All in all, things felt right. Karate, sword-fighting, and adventuring were important to him but he’d always felt the most fulfilled helping others with their problems - psychology just seemed right.

A high-pitched, squawking voice interrupted him. “Hey, dude, what did you get for number 12?” Marco looked up at another student - Matt, if he was remembering correctly - who was hovering over him at an uncomfortably close distance. Even with how much life had changed in the past few years, his academic reputation stayed the same.

“Uh, C,” Marco responded absentmindedly.

“Oh, that makes sense. And what about 13?”

“B.”

“And… 14 through 35.”

“Just talk to Mrs. B, man,” Marco irritatedly replied, shaking his head. Normally he enjoyed helping classmates if he could, but he had promised Star he’d helm the planning for the daycare’s Easter party on account of her phobia - well, that, and he’d heard Matt bragging about how he’d blown off studying to play the new Super Slash Sisters game all night long. He looked back down to check over one last page and grinned to himself. The final essay prompt hadn’t been for a grade, but instead asked a simpler question: Why are you here? Without context, it might have seemed odd or downright rude, but the teacher had spent the first few months of the semester encouraging all the students to reflect on their goals and what they hoped to gain from the psychology program. The blunt prompt had caught him off guard, but after realizing what it was asking, he’d spent probably about as much time as he had on the rest of the exam combined describing his experiences and motivations on Mewni that drove him to help and support others.

Of course, he couldn’t help but talk about Star at length as part of that. His adorable, brave, compassionate best friend that inspired him to be more. Where would he even be now without her? He could still be at college, he supposed, but that wasn’t saying much. It was humorous to imagine: waking up, being driven to college by his mom, waving hello to Jackie every day (his foolproof plan to woo her had involved eventually moving past nodding, after all), getting straight As, working fruitlessly towards a red belt after classes, then… what? The world had so much more to offer him, and vice versa, and Star was the one who’d helped him realize that. The words had just flowed right out of his pen, paragraphs and paragraphs of glowing praise and affection, enough to leave his chest feeling as warm as it did when she was physically there.

“Hey, Marco, I have a question-”

Stirred from his contemplative state, Marco wheeled on the figure that had just tapped him on the shoulder, ready to tell Matt off for interrup- oh.

“Ludo? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, well, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I’d just drop in! But also, please help me. I did what you said but then I dribbled Boo Fly on the ground and he got really upset and-”

Marco sighed. Hope Star’s fine with me being late.

***

Most days, Star loved everything about her job. It was hard work, but it was so satisfying bringing smiles and warmth to the faces of the kids in her care and seeing them light up with stories to tell their families at the end of each day. Her hours were flexible, she got to spend time with Marco, and Antonio was a wonderful boss.

Today, however, was not most days.

Of freaking course Easter was Antonio’s favorite holiday.

The kids seemed to be enjoying his antics as he pranced around in a bunny costume, but for the life of her she just couldn’t understand why. Is it a normal rabbit or a person-sized one? No one even seems to know what it is! Does it lay bird eggs or rabbit eggs? Both are pretty horrifying if you ask me! If you get chocolate eggs in your Easter basket, does it lay them too? I’m not eating any soft brown rabbit droppings, Marco! They didn’t even get any days off for it, so Star was convinced the best thing to do was ignore its existence as a holiday entirely. Her incredibly valid concerns had largely been met with amusement, even by Marco, but Antonio had at least offered to let her keep her distance and work behind-the-scenes for the party they had planned, which was now going on in the main playroom.

Packing baskets with candy was easy enough. Chocolate, gummies, cookies, donuts. Candy corn for the humans and candied corn for the Mewmans - as much as the humans liked Mewman corn, they hadn’t quite accepted it as a valid dessert yet. There were a few special ones marked down as well. Some marshmallow mice for the Septarians, a ribeye steak for the Johansen - her third cousin or something like that, she wasn’t even sure exactly whose kid he was - and some dried bugs for the kappas… wait, since when were there any kappas at the daycare? She yanked the full list out from underneath the pile of sweets and quickly scanned it. 105? Aren’t there only 104 kids in the program this semester?

She almost missed it at the very top of the list: “Manudo Avarius”. She vaguely remembered hearing about a sibling with that name at some point… maybe they just joined? Something still seemed off to Star but she pushed it aside and finished the last of the baskets just in time for the end of the party. As the kids left, Star cheerfully handed out the baskets to the tune of joyous squeals from the kids and careful warnings from the parents to not eat too much at once. Pffftt, come on, I eat cake for breakfast and I turned out fine!

Curiously, she hadn’t spotted anyone that resembled Ludo yet even as the remaining crowd dwindled to almost nothing. Antonio had already begun to put away decorations when she finally spotted the figure, taking the basket over to them. But when they turned around, showing a braided beard… oh pegasus feathers.

“Star Butterfly! So good to see you again.”

“Hey Ludo,” she said. “Are you picking up Manudo?”

“Why would Menudo be here?”

“Well the paper said Manudo-”

“No, no, that’s not how it’s spelled, but besides, I’m here by myself. A large man with a magnificent beard asked me for my name and told me I was missing a party with lots of sweets! He kept calling me a child and I said I was a man and that my name was Ludo, but who cares when there’s free chips, am I right?” He reached into one of the five chip bags in his arms and stuffed a handful into his beak.

Man-udo. Dangit, Antonio. “So… good to see you, but what brings you here?”

“Well, I talked to Marco just the other day because it still just wasn’t working, but then I tried something else and that still didn’t work, so now I need your help again. It all started on Tuesday-”

Star slumped down into a beanbag chair and reached into the basket, deftly avoiding the bugs as she searched for cookies to nibble on. This is going to be a while.

***

“So what did you say this place was?” Tom asked as he glanced around the restaurant. The vibrant cherry-red booths and soulful singer crooning over the speakers created a very different atmosphere than anything in the Underworld, but he liked it.

Sitting across from him, Marco downed another fry and took a sip of his water before responding. “Diners are the best places to go for comfort food. Burgers, onion rings, waffles, all that kinda stuff. Emilio’s is the best in town.”

Next to Marco, Star was wolfing down onion rings by the handful. “The secret is that he hired a bunch of Eclipsa’s old chefs, so they make great Mewman and monster food too. Don’t tell Mom but their Mewnipendence Day pies are the best I’ve ever had - though they don’t call it that anymore.” She was still chewing when she spoke, but after so many years of knowing Star he had no trouble understanding her garbled words. “It’s really cool that Emilio was able to get back on his feet after the incident.”

“What incident?” Tom asked, eliciting an irritated groan from Marco.

“So basically, a few years ago, Ponyhead and I-”

“Oh boy, a Ponyhead story,” Janna sarcastically said, rolling her eyes, and Tom elbowed her side.

An older man with olive skin approached the table. ““Does everything taste alright? If your dining experience isn’t absolutely perfect, please let me know, I can get you anything. More to drink, dessert, maybe some mushrooms...”

“It’s great, Emilio,” Marco mumbled.

“Good, good…” Emilio was smiling a bit too hard as he backed away, his eyes lingering on Marco’s meal.

Marco caught Tom’s curious gaze and buried his head in his hands. “Look, it’s a long story. There was this pizza, then spiraling alcoholism, then a bit of arson…”

Janna’s hand, resting on Tom’s leg, unconsciously twitched as she perked up. “Woah, OK, now I actually do want to hear this.”

“Too late, no take backs.”

“Aww, you’re no fun.”

“So anyway, we picked the restaurant this time so have you two decided what we’re doing after?” Oh crud, we forgot to plan. Tom’s initial instinct was to claim a beginner’s mistake, since it was only the second of their monthly double dates and their first time planning the after-dinner entertainment… except the actual reason was that he and Janna happened to get into their first major makeout session the night they had set aside for planning, burning thoughts of accomplishing anything else to a crisp in the process. Star and Marco were the last people that would be squicked out by romantic affection- that wasn’t the problem. After years of slacking on responsibilities and having any kind of social life at all in a misguided attempt to chase after Star, he couldn’t help but feel extra guilty over this specific lapse.

Janna leaned in, whispering in his ear. “Can’t we just hit up the Sands of Eternal Torment?”

“For the tenth time, Jan, no,” he hissed through his teeth. “There’s, like, a 25% chance you’d all have your souls violently ripped from your bodies.”

“Only 25? Ew, nevermind, just let them pick.” She leaned in even closer, her breath hot in his ear. “If it’s somewhere boring, we could always just sneak away and-”

“Good evening!” Tom squeaked and quickly turned his head at the sudden boisterous call from his other side, almost smacking Janna in the temple with his horn in the process. It was an incredibly short bird creature with a thick grey beard - a kappa, if Tom was remembering correctly. It wasn’t their same waiter from before, but hey, what did he know about how Earth restaurants worked?

Tom held out his glass, but the supposed waiter ignored it. “Yeah, can I have a refill on the demonade, please?” Star and Marco glanced over at the waiter, their eyes opening wide before they both groaned and smacked their faces on the table in unison. Alright, maybe he’s not a waiter then.

***

“Star...” Marco uttered. Star removed her wandering lips from his neck and propped herself up to look lovingly at him, shivering slightly as she abandoned the warmth of his bare skin. It had been probably over a year now since they’d first become more intimate like this, but the fire still burned just as hot. Heck, it was better now than those first forays, Star reckoned; with time came confidence and experience that let them enjoy themselves and each other to the absolute fullest. They’d both had busy lives the last few months or so, and with the end of the semester fast approaching Star knew they would be even busier soon, but none of that seemed to matter in this time they’d taken for themselves. Even after a break for a shower and snacks, their present cozy state under the blanket with nothing between them still felt as radiant as any proper afterglow could.

“Mhmm?” A devious thought crossed her mind, but she tried her best to feign innocence as she slowly slithered down his body, leaving fiery trails of kisses down his chest and sweet, sweet abs.

“Not that I don’t like, you know, doing this but I don’t, uh, know if I have it in me for another rouuuuuuuu-” His voice shot up an octave and his whole body jolted as she blew raspberries on his belly button and snuck her arms up to tickle around his armpits. “Star, please- I can’t- I’m- can’t breathe-” he sputtered out between hysterical bouts of laughter.

She was laughing too by the time his flailing pushed her off of him. Before he’d even collected himself, he lunged forward, trying to catch her with a determined-but-still-goofy grin on his face. Star dodged and backed away from the bed entirely as Marco grasped at her limbs. He finally gave up, lying on his stomach while resting his head on his chin and staring up at her. Even though his tush was right there for the ogling, Star was instead captivated by his enamored gaze and dopey smile.

“Dangit, Marco, you know I can’t resist that look,” she huffed, allowing him to take her hands and pull her next to him on the bed.

“I know,” he said smugly. “You’re not the only one who can weaponize being all lovey dovey.”

“The student has become the master,” she quipped, their hands still joined between them as they lay on their sides.

“But I do mean it, Star. I love every single part of you, and that’s not gonna change. Things have been hectic lately for both of us, but stuff with the daycare, what you want to do for a living, Ludo… we can figure that all out. Just reach into your pocket if you need me.”

She gently patted his head, running her fingers through his freshly shampooed hair. It was alluring to smell, to hold, to feel brushing up against her. Though the problems they faced now were of a different kind than the forces of evil that they’d spent their earlier years tackling, his presence was still what she needed most to ground her and make everything feel alright. Her face dipped in for a kiss, initially short and sweet but quickly succumbing to a familiar hunger. She pounced on him but miscalculated her momentum, rolling the whole way over him and pulling him with her so he lay on top. Not complaining, she thought as she hugged him close and indulged in the sensory bliss of his skin on hers.

He lightly rested his forehead on hers. “Do you, um, mind if we maybe don’t, y’know…” he trailed off sheepishly.

“Marco,” she crooned, holding his face in her hands. “How many times do I have to say it: I don’t want to do anything if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“I-I can try that, um, thing again, though, instead if- if you want?” Oh sweet, sweet Marco. Even after years together, he still couldn’t rest until he was sure he’d done everything he could for her.

“Yeah,” she implored, breathy with the mounting anticipation as he began a trail of kisses downward.

“What thing are you two talking about?” Time seemed to stop as any building pleasure completely evaporated. Marco grabbed the crumpled bedsheet and pulled it over the two of them as the couple stared at the window in complete incredulity to where Ludo was standing on a flapping Dennis’s back. “Well, anyway, I need some more advice-”

“GET. OUT!”

***

Marco rested his chin in his hands while Star paced in front of him. Three months. Three months of Ludo showing up at the most inopportune times, three months of Star trying and failing to feel satisfied with her efforts at the daycare, three months of a semester so intense that they were both at their wit’s end with all of it. Ludo had once again come to the college for advice after his 26th attempt to regain his old friends failed just as catastrophically as the previous 25. He was persistent, Marco had to give him that, and the old monster crew had even been pretty supportive when Star and Marco had tracked them down themselves and explained the situation. The issue seemed to be entirely from within Ludo’s own mind, which made it a dozen times harder to solve. It was the last day of the semester and they’d been haunted by thoughts of every minute of summer vacation spent throwing themselves at the brick wall of Ludo’s psyche, so they’d made a pact that today was all or nothing. Neither wanted to ditch Ludo, he wasn’t a bad guy, but enough was enough.

“Any ideas?” Star piped up, sounding entirely lost and uncertain as her gaze kept nervously darting over to Ludo who was brushing his beard and snacking on its droppings in the empty playroom. “We’ve tried psychology, reverse psychology, pep talks, reverse reverse psychology, all-you-can-eat chips, ygolohscysp-”

“Which still isn’t a thing,” Marco interrupted.

“Well I’m sorry, I’m not the one with a fancy degree, Marco!” she growled, tossing her arms out. “Ugh, sorry, this is just so frustrating. Doesn’t he have, like, a thousand brothers and sisters he could hang out with? If he can’t relax around the monsters, why does he always have to pester us when he could-” Her pacing instantly halted as her eyes opened wide. “Oh crud.”

He stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, unsure whether her apparent epiphany was a good or bad thing. “Star?”

“He came to us for help becoming comfortable around his old pals again because he already was comfortable around us.”

“Way too comfortable,” Marco muttered with a wince that Star mirrored. They were still a little bit traumatized from the shower incident. “But that means-”

“He never needed his monster pals, he just needed… friends,” she said just as he had the revelation on his own.

Marco smacked his forehead and sighed. “And he spent so much time fixating on this one thing, and we spent so much time just trying to solve his problem and shove him out the door, that we never tried just… being his friends.”

They both looked through the little window into the playroom, where Ludo saw them and waved with a giant smile.

Star buried her face in her hands, messing up her hair like she was prone to do whenever she was feeling frazzled. “Ugh, I feel terrible.”

“Same, but… we can’t be his only friends, though. I feel bad for him, but I don’t know if I have it in me to be his BFF.”

“You’re right, you’re right, but who else could even handle that? Who? The guy’s so hyper and weird, ugh, he reminds me of me as a kid, except way less cute.”

“...a kid.” They both mumbled simultaneously. It was as if a single lightbulb had gone off above both of them at once as all the pieces fell into place. “That’s it!”

Star bolted out the door to gather the handful of children that hadn’t been picked up yet while Marco got Ludo. A few minutes later, they met up at the rec center basketball court where Antonio helped them set up some kid-sized hoops. It took a bit of coaxing, but after a few minutes Ludo was having the time of his life tossing the ball around. The kids seemed to enjoy it, too, as he regaled them with tales of his adventures on Earth (and a few about a space princess with a cyclops and robot for friends that Marco was pretty sure he made up). Star and Marco had joined for a few games but both decided to just step back and watch from the bleachers for a while.

As they observed the scene, listening to the ecstatic wails of everyone on the court as they ran around with the ball, there was a smile on Star’s face that was more content than Marco had seen in a while. “See? You made their whole week just by giving them someone fun to play with,” Marco said, lacing his fingers through her hand. “They like you a lot more than they like balloons and candy.”

“Even I don’t need candy with you here being so sweet,” she cooed, nuzzling into his shoulder, neither taking their eyes off the courts. Ludo passed the ball to Trevor, who spun around and passed it back in a fluid motion that allowed Ludo to score. The blissful, carefree sight was soothing after the intensity of Marco’s life lately. Just some kids and a small bird man having fun playing a game together… life didn’t always have to be so complicated. The serene moment abruptly ended when Ludo’s beak caught on the rim, leaving him dangling above the ground and shrieking for help. As Star squeezed Marco’s hand, sighed, and stood up to go help the poor kappa, Marco knew it could never be truly simple either.

#starco #svtfoe #star vs the forces of evil #tgg svtfoe #jantom

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shielddrake · 5 years ago

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Psychonauts: Setup and Payoff Done Well (If Not Perfectly)

So about a year ago I posted a long lecture about how Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts 3 had major problems in the story department when it came to setup and payoff. I basically said that Final Fantasy XV had lots of scenes with payoff that were not set up very well and Kingdom Hearts 3 had some excellent moments that set up story elements but never followed through on them. And while I think some of those issues have been addressed with some of the DLC released for both games (I reserve my right to be a little salty Episodes Aranea, Luna, and Noctis were canceled) I still stand by my statement that these games have big problems with this.

During the past year, I have received a couple of comments regarding my position on this, ranging from “Can you give a good example of setup and payoff?” to “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you come up with a better example?” And I thought, well, what kind of game would be a good example of excellent use of setup and payoff? What game or series would I say does the job so much better than any writer has or does, video game or otherwise?

And then, the middle of a repeat playthrough I always do before a game’s sequel comes out, it came to me:

Now Psychonauts has been out since 2005, so a spoiler warning might seem a little silly here, but I think a lot of gamers have been playing it for the first time since the sequel was announced, so just in case: Major spoilers for the original Psychonauts game under the cut.

Whenever someone tries to argue whether or not video games can be considered art, one of the first games that comes to my mind is Psychonauts, and not just because of its amazing aesthetics. It has some of the best storytelling, script writing, level design, music, voice acting, and art direction I have ever seen. This game is possibly one of the best video games I have every played, despite the flaws that it does have (I’m looking at you, Meat Circus), and it is easily on my list of top ten favorite video games. Is it really any surprise that Psychonauts 2 reached its crowd-funding goal of over $3,000,000 in about a month? And yes, I admit that I am one of those backers, just to put out there any bias I know I have.

But this isn’t meant to be a review of Psychonauts.

I replayed Psychonauts a few months ago with the idea of the first game being fresh in my mind when the sequel comes out, which is supposed to be sometime this year of 2020. I was absolutely inundated with examples of effective setup and payoff as I played, so it seemed like the obvious choice to go over how this story-telling technique can be used not only well, but also to the point where it’s almost like there are far too many examples.

Honestly, I could go on and on and on about setup and payoff in Psychonauts’ story, but for our purposes here most of the focus is going to be on just three big things that are really important to the main storyline: Linda the Lungfish, bunnies and meat, and Raz’s dad.

One thing about setup and payoff is that the setup has to actually happen in a way that the audience, in this case the player, can’t miss it. There are several moments in the game that Linda is mentioned, the first time being in the opening cutscene, where Bobby teases Dogen about the monster at the bottom of the lake. You can’t miss the setup when it is thrown in your face that way.

But that’s not the only time we get references to some sort of lake monster. Before going into Basic Braining, the first official level of the game, if Raz talks to Mikhail, the adorable Russian psychic mentions a “giant, hairless bear” in the woods, asking if Raz has seen it and wanting to wrestle with it. Now, it’s not said for certain if Mikhail is talking about Linda or if he’s just referring to the telekinetic bears you meet later on, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if it’s supposed to be the former.

The first time the player heads for the lake, Elton will run up to Raz and mention the “brain-eating fish” that supposedly lives there. Well, now we’ve got both a mention of the lake monster and the fact that it goes after brains. Hmm, sound familiar in retrospect?

Optionally, Raz can also talk to Elton about the fish being spooked by something in the lake.

Although only the first lake interaction with Elton is mandatory (whether it’s when you go to see Milla or before then), both of these moments act as reminders of the setup of the lake monster established in the opening cutscene.

And then there’s the scene in the woods between Raz and Lili on the way to Sasha Nein’s Secret Lab. Raz says that something was watching him, a shadowy being that smelled like pond scum.

I absolutely love Lili’s face in this scene, by the way.

We kind of get distracted by their interactions and Lili basically trolling Raz, but that’s part of what makes good writing. The scene is foreshadowing something without making it overly overt…not that the game is subtle every time, but the point still stands. This game does a great mix of the obvious and the subtle.

The game also has optional dialogue with Coach Oleander and Raz reporting on a UPE (Unidentified Paranormal Entity), which he suspects is aquatic in nature. And Oleander seems oddly insistent that the lake monster does not exist, that it’s just a camp fable.

Finally we get to the Brain Tumbler Experiment. Needless to say, it’s in this level that a lot of the elements come together. We come across a demon in the form of a big, shadowy figure that spits out a diving helmet. Again, does that sound familiar at all?

There is a minor mention of the lake monster in the mental vault below the spooky thorn tower (more on that near the end of this post), but other than that there’s a break in the game where the lake monster isn’t mentioned for a while. We don’t get another explicit scene about it until Raz and Lili meet Linda properly at the edge of Lake Oblongata…where Lili gets kidnapped, we go through the boss sequence under the lake, and enter Linda’s brain of Lungfishopolis. And the final payoff occurs with the Hideous Hulking Lungfish transporting us to Thorney Towers and giving Raz her real name, Linda.

Now would any of that be nearly as rewarding if we had never heard of the Hideous Hulking Lungfish of Lake Oblongata prior to her official appearance? Every single player would just have visible question marks hanging over their heads if Linda just showed up out of nowhere. Deus Ex Lungfish, anyone? But that’s not what the developers did. They spent plenty of time building up to Linda, making her reveal not only make sense but also weaving her into the story so that her reveal is more than satisfying.

There is just one thing I’ve always been curious about, a sort of chicken-and-egg scenario. Did the legend of the lake monster start because genetically-altered Linda showed up and starting attacking campers? Or did the legend already exist and Oleander used it as an excuse to write off any “sightings” of the monster? Any ideas?

Moving on from Linda, we come to the imagery of meat and bunnies.

Without knowing the full ending of the game, most players would think that it’s a bit strange I would stick meat and bunnies together in the same category. Sadly, the connection between these things is a bit on the morose side, and they are actually first introduced at the same time as well.

When I first played Psychonauts, the first time I actively thought about bunnies and meat being related somehow was during the Brain Tumbler Experiment, but that’s actually not the first time the game introduces these. Anyone else notice that Basic Braining has figments of meat cleavers, butcher knives, a pig, a duck, and a fox? I could logic that a meat cleaver and butcher knife fit with the whole army theme, but a pig, duck and fox?

Kind of odd animals would be included in all this, especially animals that are either butchered or hunted. At least that’s what I thought at first.

It is in Oleander’s mind that we first see the “meaty plant” that Lili saves from being squashed by Raz. It’s also here that we see bunnies hopping around the snowfield with the Gatling gun. This early in the game, is this important or just set dressing? I’m ashamed to admit, but I thought it was just weird set dressing when I first played, but it makes more sense as the story goes on.

Turns out it’s important all right, since the next time we see both meat and bunnies is in the Brain Tumbler Experiment. “Mr. Bun” seems like a rather random animal to have in Raz’s brain, but then again bunnies showed up in Basic Braining as well. Is there a connection somehow? Sasha tells Raz that an animal may represent a primal fear or memory.

He’s right on the latter, although a player going through the game for the first time might not know why (and I admit, on my first playthrough, I didn’t). And there’s more meat and meaty plants here. Raz doesn’t directly mention these (at least he didn’t during my most recent playthrough, to my recollection) but they are pretty obvious, to say the least.

So that’s two things connecting the Brain Tumbler Experiment and Basic Braining. Is this a normal occurrence? Maybe these things just show up in brains? Lili does mention she had been dreaming of meat plants, after all, both in Basic Braining and in the cutscene before Raz enters Milla’s mind. Maybe it’s a primal need for meat? Don’t tell the vegans I said that. The Vegan Police would be very unhappy with the final level of this game.

After the Brain Tumbler Experiment is finished, we know that the brain interference was coming from Oleander, but it’s not explained why there are meat and bunny references up until that point. There’s actually no mention of either at all in the subsequent levels until the last. Lungfishopolis, The Milkman Conspiracy, Gloria’s Theater, Waterloo World, and Black Velvetopia are devoid of all meat or bunnies, which possibly leads the player to forget about the whole thing for a while (and when I say “the player,” I really mean me).

In fact, we don’t see any sign of either until the final level of the game, Meat Circus. And, oh boy, Meat Circus.

Yeah, it should come as no surprise that I hate this level. I hated it so much that on my first playthrough of this game in 2005, I rage quit and didn’t look at Psychonauts for several days. I eventually went back to it and beat it, but let’s say I was more than a little relieved that they lowered the difficulty for it in subsequent releases.

But I digress.

We reach Meat Circus, the combined consciousness of Raz and Little Oly, and the payoff of all the meat and bunny stuff we’ve seen thus far. We have Frankenstein-esque meat bunnies, platforms made of steaks, rail grinding on bones, trapeze and trampolines of bones and skin, and of course the dark versions of both Raz’s and Oleander’s fathers, who not only are evil but also become a giant two-headed monster. When Sasha said that problems seem larger in your head than in real life, I should have known it would be taken more literally in this game.

I mean, is it really any shock that Oleander is carrying some trauma after seeing his bunny friend be decapitated by his own father? It’s never said how old Little Oly is, but considering his behavior he is clearly younger than Raz, so this happened when he was in the single digits of age. That’s really not something a little kid should see. That’s just asking for PTSD.

Anyway, back to setup and payoff, which is pretty obvious at this point. We have plenty of mentions of both bunnies and meat throughout the game, leading to the final boss that is both creepy and downright terrifying. Not only does this boss conclude Oleander’s trauma with his father being a butcher and killing his favorite bunny, but it also allows Raz to defeat his inaccurate mental image of his own father. Both of them are able to move forward from that point on. Defeating this monstrosity acts as the ultimate payoff and conclusion for both Raz and Oleander.

Speaking of Raz’s dad…

Raz’s relationship with his father at the start of the game is strained, to say the least. When Raz goes to learn Levitation from Milla, the very mention of his father showing up to take him home from the camp makes him nervous. Not the best sign here, and his other comments regarding his dad don’t make it much better.

Once Raz reaches cadet ranks ten and twenty, we get cutscenes of Raz talking with Cruller in tutorials for Pyrokinesis and Telekinesis. During Pyrokinesis, Raz first mentions that his father, Augustus, hates psychics and trained Raz in acrobatics to the point where Raz worried his dad was trying to kill him. During Telekinesis, Raz reveals his suspicions that his father is psychic as well. The memory vault we see of Raz running away from home only reinforces Raz’s perspective.

We’re led to believe that Raz’s statements are the truth, which is a logical conclusion since he’s the game’s protagonist, but the end of the game shows otherwise. At first I thought this meant Raz was simply an unreliable narrator, but that turns out to not be the whole story. While Raz is an unreliable narrator in that there are a lot of things he just doesn’t know, it’s not malicious in any way. Raz simply doesn’t know that he father really does care about him. That’s the magic of using the third-person limited point of view.

Up to this point, we’re led to believe that Augustus is a neglectful father at best, but it turns out that Augustus does love his son. He’s just apparently really bad at showing it. The very fact that he is the only one able to break into Raz’s “hard to penetrate skull” shows that there is a deeper relationship between them. And Augustus is clearly distraught that his own son sees him as a monster in his mind. Poor Augustus.

I think that a lot of the interactions between father and son in this game was cut out due to both budget and time constraints, because I feel like there is more to be said with these two than what we get in the final product. (I’m thinking we’re going to get more of that in the sequel, but that is up in the air at this time.) This doesn’t bother me too much though, since we do get effective enough setup and payoff that it doesn’t seem like it comes out of nowhere. They do finally talk to each other and express their concerns, mending their relationship…in the middle of a battle with a two-headed father monster.

Clearly these two have communication issues. The morale of this story is that it’s important to talk to one each other.

And this is certainly paid off in the end cutscene of the game. When Sasha says they want Raz to come along to rescue Truman Zanotto, Raz doesn’t just run off with them again. He turns around and gives his father puppy-dog eyes, clearly asking for permission to go this time. And Augustus not only gives it, he gives Raz his blessing and encourages him to “show them all.” Contrast this to the backstory of the game, where Augustus flat out forbids Raz from having anything to do with the Psychonauts and Raz running away in secret.

And if that’s not satisfying use of setup and payoff, I don’t know what is.

That’s not to say that all of the setup and payoff in Psychonauts is perfect. To be fair, there are times when the setup can be missed, and therefore the payoff that comes later can be confusing. The most obvious example of this is the nightmare that attacks you in The Milkman Conspiracy. When I first played the game all those years ago, my first thought was, “What in the world? What is this thing and where did it come from?”

Of course, on subsequent playthroughs, I did find the demon room in Milla’s mind, showing the same nightmares she had caged away. This is the difference between a sane mind and an insane one. Milla has all her demons under control (although notice that they have not gone away) while Boyd’s run amok because he has no way of mentally dealing with them, since his brain is a little bit busy with this, well, milkman conspiracy. The nightmares that attack in Boyd’s brain make more sense after I saw the ones in Milla’s brain. In this case, the payoff wasn’t bad since the nightmare miniboss wasn’t a bad fight, but context in the form of the setup made the payoff better.

Other times the setup can be missed? The other big one is the resolution of all the campers’ storylines. Unless the player spends time going around camp throughout the game and seeing the interactions the other campers have with each other, the little scene you have with each one once they are re-brained won’t make a lot of sense. The love triangle between J.T., Elka and Nils? J.T. and Chops having conflict about J.T. abandoning his best friend for his new girlfriend? Crystal and Clem attempting suicide to become more powerful? Chloe thinking she’s an alien? Maloof basically becoming a mob leader with Mikhail as his right-hand man? Elton and Milka’s blossoming love? …Just to name a few? Yeah, the context of all that is missed if the player doesn’t bother to talk to the other campers throughout the game, but I attribute that more to the player than the game. The developers accounted for this in the story, so it’s more the player didn’t look for the setup rather than Double Fine just not bothering to include it.

That’s just some examples of setup and payoff that I feel are probably the most important to the main storyline of Psychonauts. They are far from the only examples. Really far from it. Oh boy, could I go on about the scenarios of setup and payoff that happen in this game.

Dogen talking to the squirrels, who tell him that the short man is going to kill everyone, only for them to really be talking about Oleander?

Elton saying that Oleander’s recruiting office in Basic Braining resembles a dentist office, only to find out that one of the main antagonists, Dr. Loboto, is in fact a dentist?

Oleander having a mental vault trapped behind some mental cobwebs? Well, he has something to hide, despite him saying he doesn’t when you first play through Basic Braining. Of course, getting angry at Raz for snooping around a room with a curtain doesn’t give off the idea that Oleander has something to hide. Nope. Not suspicious at all.

Agent Crueller having all the different personalities around the camp, hinting as his unstable mental state?

The Hand of Galochio appearing in the lake as a reference to Raz’s family having a curse to die in water, and said curse just so happens to show up not only as a gameplay element but as a story element during Meat Circus?

Raz being able to read Lili’s thoughts when she doesn’t mean for him to, then for him to do it two more times near the end of the game?

How Lili’s cold stops her from sneezing out her own brain?

Sasha’s hatred of tacky lamps having to do with his past working in a tacky lamp factory? Or the shoeboxes indicating his father was a cobbler? Or the bed as the location of where his mother was horribly ill and died?

Raz needing to climb the “creepy thorn tower” in the Brain Tumbler Experiment, only to later need to climb Thorney Towers Home for the Disturbed?

The mention of the town of Shaky Claim on the giant tree stump at the camp entrance referring to the sunken town that is (somewhat) explored during the boss sequence under the lake?

Raz talking about being back in high school in Black Velvetopia despite being ten years old? Not to mention the stories the dogs tell about Lana/Lampita and Dean/Dingo?

Lastly, do I really need to mention the incredibly weird and seemingly out of place mental vault below the creepy thorn tower? A brain chicken hatches out of an egg, meets a fish in water, goes to a circus, gets placed in a teacup, and blasts people to death? Kind of a summation of Raz coming out of the egg in the Brain Tumbler Experiment, meeting Linda at Lake Oblongata, entering the Meat Circus, and getting placed in a brain tank and defeating two people? Was the mental vault a foreshadowing of the main plot of Psychonauts? I don’t know. What do you think?

*Takes a deep breath.* See what I mean when I say I could really go on and on about setup and payoff in Psychonauts? There are so many examples that it’s kind of ridiculous. It could be said that there’s too much of this kind of storytelling in the game, but I fail to see how that is a problem. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, but when it comes to setup and payoff, Psychonauts is not it.

Credits

Screenshots courtesy of the following:

Comic Foil, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN-Y6XDe0oWyhgjcGunJqGw

Global Gaming, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pjsxNSwSSA

StoryGamer, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXZ1vDFp_dw&t=139s

ThatNotSoAznKid, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ford0MGvWIc

#psychonauts #psychonauts spoilers #setup and payoff #writing in video games

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qrovidcore · 4 years ago

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hey what’s up tumblr i’ve now seen hbo’s watchmen all the way through Three Fucking Times and i very well may go for a fourth if given an excuse whoops and apparently i can’t stop thinking about Laurie’s joke in She Was Killed By Space Junk, no i’m not the first person to analyze this and i’m sure i won’t be the last but i sure do have some Thoughts^TM, so here’s some meta let’s go.

major spoilers ahead for the entire series:

Hey, it’s me again. I’ve got a joke. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There’s this guy, he’s a bricklayer. He’s really good at it. He’s a real master of his craft. Because he’s precise. Every brick has its place. Anyway this guy has a daughter and he’s gonna teach her to be a bricklayer because after all, all a man has is his legacy. So dad decides to build a barbecue in the backyard. He does the math. He figures out exactly what he needs and he shows the daughter how to do everything. Step by step. And when he finishes, it’s a beauty. It’s a perfect barbecue. Just the way he drew it in blueprints. Only one problem. There’s a brick left over. One single brick. The guy freaks out. He must have done something wrong. He’s gonna have to start all over again. So he picks up his sledgehammer to knock the thing to pieces and his daughter suddenly says ‘daddy wait! I have an idea.’ She picks up the orphan brick and throws it up into the air as high as she can. And then…shit. Messed it up.

Okay forget that joke. Can I tell you another one?

As I said, I’m not the first to break down that Laurie is referring to specific people who have an influence on the story, there’s plenty of meta posts online that’ll say the same thing. I just think this is a Really Clever way to introduce us to her, to the major players in this story, and to the events from the comic that are going to end up being referenced. Anyhow, the bricklayer here is The Comedian. Laurie’s father. I’ll get back to this and how it connects later, but given that one of Watchmen’s major themes is the concept of legacy - who carries it and how, and what happens when that legacy is painful - this is a neat little hook into that idea. Laurie’s dad’s legacy. What she’s done with it, what she’s going to do with it, how she feels about it. Again, coming back to that.

Okay. Forget the brick. New joke. Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there and he’s going to decide what their eternal fate shall be: heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. God says to him “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. What did you do with this amazing talent?” Owl guy says “I made this really awesome flying ship and lots of cool outfits and weapons so I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offended. He says “Zero. I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry owl guy, your heart’s in the right place but you’re just too soft.” God snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

I'm not super into the comic so it took me a while to get that she's referencing Nite Owl. I think this is strange since he doesn't appear in the show himself, whereas everyone else she talks about does, but I suppose it gives a more rounded-out view of the different approaches to heroism, and what exactly constitutes it, and also ties in another one of the original Minutemen. They did cut this over her arrest of Mr. Shadow in the bank, which makes me wonder about his role and why he appeared, and I still find it strange that this part of the joke wasn't about someone who had more of a presence in the show. (Though that being said, DC making fun of Batman, their own big-ticket character? 10/10 thank you for this).

Where was I? The pearly gates await our next hero in line for Almighty judgment. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out because that’s his God-given talent: smarts. Some might even say he’s the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do with that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact, I saved humanity, ”says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that,” asks God.” “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York and everybody was so afraid of it they stopped being afraid of each other.” “OK,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty Pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs. “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.” “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers and our hero goes to hell.

GOD YES PLEASE DRAG OZYMANDIAS. GET THIS FUCKER’S ASS. Though the line that’s sticking out to me here is “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs.” Watchmen’s got an egg motif - and that’s an entire post on its own - and wow this is a place to drop it. I find it interesting that it’s given to Adrien here. Especially since it comes back later, when Will tells Angela that that’s what Jon said in justification of giving his life to stop the 7th K/Cyclops and Trieu. Eggs are used for a lot of things, but this line ties the motif solidly to a value of life here - how Adrien is the way he is because he refuses to value other peoples’, and maybe how Jon is the way he is because, when you can see the future laid out before you and live knowing how you’re going to die, how do you learn to value your own?

Okay. We’re down to the nitty gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles ready to administer the final reckoning. Now Hero Number 3 is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart, he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out. He can teleport, he can see into the future, he blows shit up. He’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God what have you done with these gifts?” Blue God says “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, and then I fell in love with another woman. I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sighs. “Do I even need to ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue guy shrugs. “A live body and a dead body have the same number of particles so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that?” asks God. Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says “Because I’m already there.” And so, a mere piston in the inevitable of time and space God does what he did and will do. He snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

And now, we’ve got Jon. Dr. Manhattan. It's a neat moment of insight into his actions, motives, and how those are perceived by others (namely Laurie), and it's a nice thread of introduction to his previous actions to drop for audiences who haven't read the comics (actually, I can make this point about Adrien’s part of the joke too). Especially because most of what we get of Jon in-show is his relationship with Angela, his entire character arc really revolves around her and we don't see him portrayed as the contentious, unfeeling figure the world sees him as. So this sort of contrast between him as a figure and him as a person is very telling, doubly so coming from someone who it's clear knew him. And I really appreciate that there’s just as much stiffness as there is warmth to the Jon we the audience see - he’s kind, he’s loving, but he’s also very matter-of-fact and deterministic, and that bit of characterization really spans the gap between these two versions of him.

And so it’s been a long day at the pearly gates. All the heroes have gone to hell. His work done, God’s packing up to go home and then he notices someone waiting. But it’s not a hero, it’s just a woman. “Where did you come from?” asks God. “Oh I was just standing behind those other guys the whole time, you just didn’t see me.” “Did I give you a talent,” God asks. “No, none to speak of,” says the woman. God gives her a good long look. “I’m so sorry. I’m embarrassed. Seriously, this almost never happens but I don’t know who you are.” And the woman looks at God and she quietly says “I’m the little girl who threw the brick in the air.” And a sound from above, something falling: the brick. God looks up but it’s too late. He never saw it coming. It hits him so hard, his brains shoot out his nose. Game over. He’s dead. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell.

Into some Thoughts^TM that I haven’t seen anyone theorize yet(?): I think God is meant to be Lady Trieu, and even if Laurie wouldn’t know this yet that’s some brilliant fucking foreshadowing. It's not as exact, but enough parallels are there that I think they're purposeful. It makes Trieu out as the ultimate judge of everyone - and in a way, she is. She sees herself as the most deserving of power of everyone, and it's her who kills Dr. Manhattan - sends him to hell, you could say, and he knows she's going to do it. It also hints at how she's going to die too, crushed by her machine falling from the sky like the brick, because she didn't expect anyone would be capable of stopping her. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. Trieu isn't ultimately above the others, and she's subject to their justice as they are to hers.

Fitting too that Laurie is involved with the plan to stop Trieu, since, as I said I’d come back to, the girl who threw the brick is Laurie herself. Her depiction of herself in this way is representative, perhaps, of Laure's own feelings on vigilantism and what justice is, and that she's the force that's going to bring down these overblown personalities and their many incorrect uses of their abilities. Given this, it's interesting to think how the "failed" joke at the beginning connects, given that Laurie's dad is the bricklayer, and he's definitely... not a good person, or at least not in this continuity. But I wonder if it's indicative of what Laurie mentions about her parents training her up to do vigilante stuff (especially since she’s based in part(?) on a member of the Minutemen from the comic), and how she feels about her father and his work. If the brick is symbolic of his work as a vigilante, is Laurie throwing the brick in the air, and ultimately taking down the threat at the top, meant to indicate how she sees herself using what she learned from him, or - maybe and - a disrespect for his work based on her justified hatred of him?

Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Good joke.

#god hi i guess i'm watchmen posting now #i am so sorry #i doubt watchmen is a thing that needs my thoughts but unfortunately i am hyperfixing and i have way too many of them #am i posting this because i want to draw something based on this with trieu as god? mayhaps but it's way too fucking long so we'll see #i may also be posting this for my partner despite his not being on this hellsite #bc i was trying to explain this to him at like 3 in the morning last night while actively falling asleep so #aaaaaanyhow #hbo watchmen #the paranoid android speaks!

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reginacooks · 4 years ago

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Day 365. The End.

I’ve decided to make cheesecake as a send-off to this blog. I cannot think of any good reason why cheesecake should not be the cake-of-celebration for having reached my goal of creating something delicious every day for one year. Cheesecake was my sister’s favorite, and she died a year ago in March, bypassing a global pandemic by one week. Every memory I have of the countless celebrations in her home include a cheesecake. Cheesecake was my father’s favorite. He grew up on New York-style cheesecake, and he made sure my mother had a Lindy’s Cheesecake recipe when they married in 1963. My mother made good on her promise to feed him with love, and cheesecake. My mother’s birthday was in March. She taught me how to make a cheesecake using her large, ceramic mixing bowl in our kitchen in Ohio. I cannot think of cheesecake without thinking of my mother. The pandemic started in March and brought us to another March. All roads lead us to cheesecake.

One week into the pandemic and toilet-paper humor, I decided I would use the next 365 days to cook and bake, and write about it. Aside from a few months when yeast was sparse, we lacked for nothing, including toilet paper. Unbelievably, and faster than I thought one year could pass, I have reached the end of my goal. I needed a thing to grab on to at the start of this pandemic, something separate from teaching. True, I was tired at the end of some days and faced this goal reluctantly. Or worse, there was a day when I’d already gone to bed. I closed my eyes then moments later remembered my blog. But I dragged myself to the couch and sitting position anyway. Not long ago, after watching a family movie, it was close to midnight and I said to my kids, “My blog!” Ethan sat nearby. “Quick mom! It’s ten minutes to midnight. You can do it!” I shared some pictures and words of the food I’d made that day and at 11:57, clicked on “Post.” Mostly I felt like I was writing into a black void, then unexpectedly a friend would email or text indicating they were reading these posts. I was glad someone was reading, but I guess that wasn’t the point. All along I knew I was doing this for me, to brighten my days and bring on a spot of joy.

The cooking, baking, recipe searches, taking pictures, and writing helped to define my life this year. I’ve thought a lot about why the act of cooking and baking is important to me, too. Once, many years ago, a couple of friends were on a road trip and they stopped at our home for dinner. That night I happened to be making pasta with cauliflower and tomato sauce, garlic and cheddar cheese, a pretty standard week-night meal in our house. They dug into that food like it was their last drop of sustenance on the long journey ahead, even though they were only traveling by minivan from one state to the next. They exclaimed and wanted the recipe and so thoroughly enjoyed that simple fare, it seemed as if it had been many moons since they’d eaten a homemade meal. Making dinner that night, I would never have anticipated their reaction to it.

I think about the times I’ve been fed by others. A long time ago, for one year, I worked in a school in Highwood, Illinois, an old town with a large Italian population. The secretary of my school was a short, slight-framed, older Italian woman with whom I had a special connection. She had worked at the school for maybe her entire career. I complained to Vera once about the reading curriculum in first grade that didn’t use real children’s literature. Same old story. I hinted that I was going to talk to the principal about it. This was my first teaching job and she warned me against that. I’ll never forget her words. “You don’t talk about books to someone who doesn’t read.” She came into my room once as I was reading a story aloud to my students, and she paused to listen. Later she told me I was “the real deal.” Ah, to be seen by another person. Even if only briefly.

Vera and her husband were making pasta dumplings, she told me one day, and she’d like to have me over for lunch. When I went across the street and knocked on their side door, I entered their kitchen where they were filling dumplings with cheese and meat, trays of fresh pasta, dough, and flour spread out on the small kitchen table. The scene was intimate and homey, as traditional as any holy ritual, and I was invited to pull up a chair. It was the first time I’d eaten homemade pasta and I remember it still.

I have put a permanent place card next to my heart of the people who have fed me in my life. Homemade food is worth marveling at. And for me it brings back memories of the people I’ve enjoyed it with, and of other ways they’ve fed me. Vera fed me fresh pasta and there have been times over the years when my confidence suffered and I would go back to that one-liner she also fed me. “You are the real deal.” For years I hung my hat on those words. I am the real deal. And I thought they must be so because a wise woman who read books, whose name meant truth, and who had feather-light Italian dumplings at her fingertips spoke them.

We just never know how feeding others can have an impact, how words or deeds can take hold in our psyche, like a fortune cookie message we keep in our wallet forever. A long time ago a friend was visiting me in a house I lived in near the ocean. I packed us a picnic lunch and off we went. Years later she referenced those tuna fish sandwiches as being the best ones she’d ever had. Say what? She was a new mom and had her baby with her at the time. She was probably desperate for someone to care for her for a few moments and maybe that came in the form of my preparing a simple lunch, which she never forgot. I doubt it was just because of the sandwiches.

I enjoy sifting through the recipe box of my food memories. Sometimes when I’m searching for a soothing thought to put me in a state of calm, I’ll think about something wonderful that I’ve eaten with a person whom I love. Often, we’re outdoors. A memory comes of pausing for a break on a hike in Ireland with new found friends, eating a sandwich and an apple, leaning against a fence and looking out at a wet, green field speckled with sheep. Or enjoying pizza and a cold beer on a sunny hilltop in Belgrade at a cafe on the edge of the forest. A giant swing on the property served to entertain our children while my husband and I grabbed a few moments of peace. Once, my family and I were staying the night at a simple hut during a trek in Ethiopia. We sat on the roof of the hut and watched as baboons scrambled toward their caves on the slope of a cliff, and we held hot tea and bread given to us as a sign of welcome by our hosts. Clasping that tea, we knew we would be taken care of during the night in that foreign spot.

A chocolate eclair always reminds me of my father. I can hear him saying, “Oh boy,” smiling and looking down at the pastry display inside the food hall at Harrods of London, wide-eyed like a kid again in New York City. He bought us both a picnic that day and we enjoyed it in St. James Park. A few years later he was left five thousand dollars in the will of an uncle and used that to send me to cooking school in New York. He wanted me to have a skill and set me up for life. I learned many skills at cooking school, but none as valuable as the ones I learned in my parents’ kitchen. Love and food are intermingled. There was hardly a joyful, happy occasion in our home growing up without it involving something delicious. The memories I have of the food enhance the memories of my father’s laugh, my mother’s smile, my older siblings arriving for the holidays and the love that we all shared.

My mother delighted in simple, good things. When I was a teen I remember her sneaking up to her bedroom for a little solitude, a glass of brandy and a little dish of peanuts in hand, a book tucked under her arm. She’d say she was going upstairs to have her party before bed. On weekend mornings she’d make pancakes. She had a knack for turning the ordinary into something special. She would make a pancake shaped out of the first letter of our name, large and covering the whole plate and recognizable as my very own. Neighborhood kids would wait by the backdoor for their pancake, too. An L for Lenny, a J for Jimmy. I’ve stored away hundreds of food memories of my mother, and I pull them up often. Her cheesecake, her smile, her sly grin when she sneaks another piece.

Before my sister, Raissa, died a year ago, I flew out to stay with her in her home. It was the last weekend that I ever stayed in her house, the house that was a foundation for me—for all of our family—for so many years. This was the last weekend that I would ever see her home as it was, her home crowded with the beloved artifacts of her life. And beloved to us, too. We all knew every nook and cranny of that home so well. The family photos, the hundreds of books that lined the shelves, the afghans and dishes and vases and fireplace mantel and coffee mugs. I cried openly and loudly the night before I left, knowing that this would be the last time I would be in this space that was my second home. “My home is your home,” my sister always said to me. But the house would be sold and I would never have this as my second home again, and the next time I visited this town, my sister would be gone. I looked around feeling the shock, like a rug was being pulled out from under me, but it wasn’t just a rug. It was every precious thing in sight.

One morning during my last weekend with her she was sitting up in her chair reading her newspaper, as she did every day, and I asked her if she wanted some breakfast. She had hardly been eating, so I didn’t expect her to say yes, but she put the paper down in her lap and looked up at me and smiled and said yes. Feeling hungry made her look so healthy. So I went into her kitchen and made her toast and scrambled eggs, simple comfort food. Our father was the Scrambled Eggs King. He cooked them slow and steady, all throughout our growing up. It was his specialty, we all knew. So I made them the way Daddy made them, no recipe needed for the dashes of good humor and love. She ate them with such pleasure, like she had not eaten in a long time, smiling up at me in thanks. I was feeding her, like she had fed me for years and years. We fed each other. I know I added joy to her life—she told me how much she loved me every time we were together—and she was my personal cheerleader, cheering for me every single step of every single way. I will live the rest of my days with the gifts she gave, and the memory that I made her comfort food before her own long journey home.

#goals #cheesecake #baking from scratch #bakingathome #bakingforfamily #bakingforjoy #bakingforlove

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katybaby00 · 5 years ago

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Life as I knew it

Pairings: Young!Dean x reader (underage), Dean x reader (tiny) age gap, season 3 Dean.

Warnings: NSFW, (MoC), tiny bit of angst of you squint, definite slow burn, slight dub-con, smut, that’s it. 18+ there is the sex!

Authors note: alright! So before you read you must know that this is my first story I’m ever posting. So yes this is an original piece! I’ve wrote before when I was like 13-14 but that’s just... scary to think about. So!! My inbox and page are always open for your requests and criticism as well. Also everything in italics are flash backs! Enjoy my loves!

Word count: 5,176

(GIF is not mine)

You knew it was wrong. You knew that working woth the Winchester’s was a bad idea.

Your father, Clint, was a wonderful man. Sweet, kind, honest, and trustworthy. He had grown up with John Winchester. They were inseparable, "attached at the hip" as my mother, Grace, used to say. My mother and I had always stayed home when my father went on "business trips". That's how I had grown up with Dean, him being only 5 years older than me. My mother and I were always over at John and Mary's home. My mom and Mary became close friends. Mary and her would talk about where my dad was when John was busy with us kids, not wanting him to know of his "job". Dean and I became very close very fast. Him and those damn green eyes. I developed a very large crush on the boy at a very young age. I guess it just never went away. John had no clue about the hunting life until the night Mary died. He started hunting and dragging his boys along with him.

Naturally Sam and Dean spent a lot of time around my family. It was mainly the boys and my mother and I, because John would almost always convince my father to go with him. When I turned 11, my father died. He was in a car accident involving a drunk driver. We always thought he would go out hunting. My mother died at the hands of a demon when I was 15. I have been on my own ever since.

~Present~

Another town. Another demon. Another case. Time just seemed to blur by. Drinking, fucking, and hunting. Rinse and repeat. Nothing special. Being 25 now, I knew I wasn't going to settle down and have the "apple pie life".

Quietly my phone started buzzing on the bathroom counter, Bobby Singer, "What the hell could he want at this hour?" I thought out loud. "Hey Bobby, how have you been?" I said while spitting my toothpaste into the sink. "Hey Y/N, I was wondering if you have heard from Sam or Dean?" "No Bobby, Dean is an ass who left me on my porch crying, and Sam is too tall for his own good, so it's been a couple years since I have seen or heard of them. Why?" Bobby sighs on the other end, "I was afraid of that, they got into some trouble down in Mississippi, haven't returned my million phone calls. Was wondering if maybe you could pop on down and check on them?" I could hear the silent pleading in his tone. I know this is going to be a bad idea. "Yeah, I guess i can. Anything for you Bobby. I'll call if things get too out of control." He laughs happily, "Okay Y/N, thank you, I owe you one." "Damn right you do Singer. Now, what town?" "They are in Ocean Springs, at the Siegel Select Gautier motel, right off Route 90. That's the last I heard. Room 19. Let me know what you find." You write down the address on an old piece of paper from the motel. "Thanks Bobby."

As you head out on your quest to save these fucking Winchesters, you turn up the radio and blast some boy band that's got you hooked. Your phone starts buzzing in your pocket. Dean Winchester... "Son of a bitch!" Picking up the phone you put it to your ear, "Y/N, I need your help, it's Sam." You scoff into the phone, "I swear to god Dean! You always think you need me to help clean up your mess! Ever since we were fucking kids! But since it's Sam... I guess I have no choice. Right?" Dean is hesitant at first and then he finally breathes, "Y/N, I'm sorry for all of the things that have happened in the past. I'm not the same person I was back then and I am so fucking sorry for everything," He takes a deep breathe, "please help me?" Taking a deep breathe, you sigh, "Dean I'm on my way now. Bobby called me and said you probably would need my help. So I packed my shit and I'm on my way. Don't get mushy and shit about it." Dean chuckles into the speaker. "Okay. You know I don't do that chick-flick bullshit. I'll see you when you get here. Bye Y/N." You pause, "Bye dean," He hung up the phone, "I love you...".

Pulling into the motel in this shit-hole town, you see the Impala in all her glory parked in front of room 19. Parking right next to the beautiful car. Getting out of your shit-box truck Bobby had given you for your 16th birthday. You patted the top of baby, "Hey sweetheart. You look good." You said as you walked past the car.

Tomorrow is your 18th birthday. Ever since your family died and you were left alone you never really celebrated. That was until this year. You were sitting on the front porch listening to the summer breeze wrestle the trees when you heard the sound of a familiar engine rolling up your driveway. As usual, Dean was behind the wheel and Sam in the front seat. They looked older. Dean looked very… mature. Sam is still the tall and goofy giant he has always been. I have missed them. Mainly Dean.

Stepping out of the car Dean grabs you in a big hug lifting you off the ground. You breathe him in and your stomach clenches. Whiskey, gunpowder, and leather. “I missed you D.” He chuckled deeply and you felt the rumble in your chest, “I missed you too sweetheart.” The nickname makes your cheeks heat up. He put you down and Sam wrapped you in a hug and you both said you missed each other. “What are you guys doing here?” Following them to the trunk. “We wouldn’t miss your 18th birthday for the world Y/N, and besides, you’ve always made the best pie.” That made Sam let out a chuckle. “You guys really didn’t have to come, it wouldn’t be the first birthday I've spent alone.” Trailing off you started walking to the house. Sam stops in front of you, “Y/N, we know how hard it is spending birthdays, christmases, and thanksgivings alone. This is a big birthday for you and we wanted you to have a good one. So that's why we are here.” He looks at you sincerely. Dean comes up next to you, and puts his hands on your shoulders, slightly rubbing, and it sends shivers down your spine. “Thanks guys. I appreciate it.” Smiling genuinely.

Once inside and the boys being settled into their spare rooms. You grab your mother's old cook book and get to work on one of the boys favorite to have when they used to come over. Sam comes to stand in the doorway leaning against the frame, “Hey, you need some help?” You turn around and look at him, “As long as you don’t get in my way Winchester, you can chop some tomatoes.” “Sounds like a plan boss.” He says while he shoots you a wink. Sam has never made you uncomfortable. Being almost the same age you guys had always been best friends. That is one thing that has never changed, and hopefully never will.

Finishing up dinner you call for Dean to come eat but he doesn’t respond. That’s odd, you thought. “I’m going to get Dean, I’ll be right back.” Walking up the stairs you go past your room and then Sam’s. As you get to Dean’s door and are about to knock you hear grunting on the other side. Taking a few steps back and then putting your ear to the door you hear Dean breathing heavily. Grunts and moans coming from his mouth. “Oh… fuck… Y/N.” You take a couple steps back from the door. Never in a million years would you think that Dean fucking Winchester would be interested in you. Knowing EXACTLY what he is doing in there. You knock. “Shit, h-hold on. One second.” “Hey D, dinner is ready.” Dean slaps his hand on his thigh, probably hoping you didn’t hear what he had just been doing. “Yeah, okay, I’ll be down in just a second.”

Sitting at the dinner table you try not to stare a hole through Dean. wondering that maybe you probably just imagined the whole thing. ‘Damn you are really going to have to get a hold of this crush Y/N’ which you thought you had said in your head but apparently the whole table had heard. “What was that Y/N?” You’re in shock. You don’t know what to say, “O-oh n-nothing, just thinking.” Sam leans over and puts his hand on yours. “Whatever it is, you can tell us, we are practically your big brothers.” He said with a chuckle. Well damn Sam way to punch me in the gut like that. Dean sits at the end of the table nursing his beer. “Do you guys want dessert? I made pie.” Dean immediately perks up. “Hell yeah we want pie. Are you kidding?” Getting up to grab the pie off the counter, you can feel someone staring holes into the back of your head. ‘I wonder who that could be‘. Turning around you catch Dean's eyes staring right at your ass. “You know what. You boys enjoy your pie. I’m going to go shower and get in bed. It's been a long day.” You gave Sam a goodnight kiss on the forehead and patted Dean's shoulder.

After showering and putting on some cozy pajamas you walk back to your room and find that your bed is not so empty. “Dean?” He jumps when he hears you. “What are you doing… in my bed?” He stares at you and walks towards you. He wraps you into a big hug and kisses the top of your head. “I just wanted to be the first one to tell you Happy Birthday.” Looking over at the clock on your nightstand you realize it’s 12:02, “Oh D, thank you.” “You should get some sleep sweetheart. You’ve got a big day tomorrow. Goodnight Y/N.” You squeeze him back. “Goodnight D.”

You awoke the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee, bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes. Wondering who was cooking that amazing food in your kitchen. Turning into the kitchen your eyes go wide at the freshly squeezed orange juice, fresh cut strawberries, pineapple, kiwi, and cantaloupe. Taking a strawberry off the table you take a bite and look at everything else. “Oh! Good morning Y/N, how did you sleep?” Sam came into the kitchen wearing his grey sleep pants and a white cotton shirt. “Happy birthday Y/N. I see Dean has out done himself this morning.” “Yeah, you’re definitely not wrong. Speaking of Dean. Where is he?” Just as you said that he comes into the kitchen in plaid pajama pants, black T-shirt, and a kiss the cook apron. “Good morning sleepy heads!” He bellowed in excitement. “D, did you do all of this by yourself?” He grabs you in a side hug and squeezes a little. “I sure did. It’s your 18th birthday. You deserve nothing but the best sweetheart. Now sit and eat. We've got plans today.” You sit in your usual spot, grabbing eggs, bacon, and pancakes topped with strawberries. You dug in and caught Dean stealing quick little glances at you while you shovel your face full of the delicious food. Sam is looking between the two of you, almost knowingly. “So guys, what’s the plan for today? I need to know so I can either wear shorts or a dress.” Dean chokes a little on his eggs and washes it down with a gulp of coffee. “Sorry about that,” He chuckles, “we have decided that you’re going to go hunting with us. Simple salt and burn. For your birthday.” Tears welled into your eyes. You sniffed because you always thought your father would have taken you. But now you’re sitting here with the Winchester’s, they tell you that you’re going hunting for your birthday. Your mind was trying to wrap around it. “I would love that so much!” You jumped up wrapping your arms around Dean’s neck and he pulled you into his lap. Making your cheeks heat up. You kissed his cheek and walked over to Sam wrapping your arms around him too. “Well come on guys let’s go!” “Woah, hold on there Y/N. we have to get all of our bags and things packed. I need to make sure baby is in tip top shape before we just hop on the road. So Sam is taking you into town to get you some boots and some pants and other things that you might need.” You chuckle and walk to the hallway closet, open the door, and flip on the light, “Dean, trust me. I am more than prepared for this occasion.” He walks up to the closet that is covered with warding symbols and sigils of all kinds. Guns, knives, lore books, and holy water line the shelves neatly. Your dad’s journal at the very top. “You did all this yourself?” You nod. “Well I’m impressed. Right Sammy?” Sam clears his throat and walks over to the closet where you and Dean are standing. “This is most definitely impressive.”

Walking up to room 19 you sigh before you knock knowing who is on the other side. Knock. Knock. The door swings open before you have time to even get a word out, you are wrapped in a rib crushing hug. “Oh my god! Dean. let me go. I can’t,” gasping for air he loosened his grip. “Breathe. I missed you too.” Saying those words felt like a kick to the chest. You knew he didn’t feel the same way you always have. Maybe when you were younger. But definitely not now. “Alright. Let’s get down to business so I can get out of here.” setting your bag down on one of the dusty motel beds. Dean frowns. Not knowing what to think. “Why do you say that? Haven’t missed me?” You chuckle turning to look at him, “Dean. You can’t be serious? It’s been 7 years, you have obviously already forgotten. So I won’t bring it up again. We can talk about it when you remember how you left.”

He just stares at you. He walks over to the fridge, grabs a beer and tosses you one too. “Alright,” he began, “Sam fell into hell, h-” You choke on your beer and spit it onto the floor. Interrupting him. “He WHAT?!”, Dean fucking Winchester. You better be pulling my fucking leg because if you aren’t I swear to god I will shoot you.” Dean stares at you with wide eyes. Thinking of his response carefully. You can practically see the gears turning in his head. “He fell into hell. More like Adam dragged him down with him. He slipped and now he’s down there. I have been up day and night thinking of what I can do to try and save him. He told me to go and have a normal life, go find Lisa and Ben. But, I can’t give up on my baby brother like that. He didn’t give up on me when I was in hell.” You walk over to him. “Don’t you think you should at least try to have a normal life? For Sam?” He looks at you, tears in his eyes. You’ve never seen this man cry. “I want him back. I don’t want to just give up like that.” “Dean if he told you he wanted you to try and have that life. Then I think you should at least give it the old college try. Go find Lisa and Ben.” He stands, turns to you and pulls you into another hug. “I don’t want Lisa or Ben, I want you.”

When you arrived in some small town in Texas you stepped out to stretch your legs. “You guys hungry? We could get pizza?” Your mouth starts salivating at the thought of a greasy piece of pizza. “That sounds really good.” “You guys can get a pizza, but make sure you grab me a salad too.” Sam says. You laugh at the green giant. Following Sam and Dean into the motel room you see that there are only 2 queen beds. “Rock, paper, scissors for who gets the beds. Whoever loses takes the floor.” Dean looks at Sam with question all in his eyes, “How about the losers have to share a bed?” Sam deadpans. You roll your eyes and stick your hands up, ready to win. In the end Sam won and you and Dean ended up sleeping together.

Later that night while you were about to hop in bed you see Dean put a pillow next to him in the middle of the bed. “Wow Dean. I don’t have cooties you jerk.” “Oh, no, sorry. It’ll just be… safer this way.” You’re definitely confused but you just shrug and climb into the scratchy sheets. Back pressed against the pillow and you can hear Deans breathing start to even out. You slowly sit up to see that he’s asleep and you let the silent tear roll down your cheek.

In the morning you stir awake but only to find that Dean had thrown the pillow to the floor and is down cuddling you. You can feel the slow rise and fall of his chest and his breath fan across your neck leaving goosebumps in its wake. You try to move. To untangle yourself from his hold. To no avail of course, everytime you would try and get away he would just pull you closer. Not realizing until he pressed his hips to your ass. He was hard as a rock. You let a slight whine fall from your lips which must have woke him up because as soon as it happened his whole body went stiff pushing away from you. “Y/n, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” You jerk away from his grasp. “Thanks for making me feel better Dean!” Slamming the bathroom door you sit down and cry into your hands. ‘How could he not see it. How could he just push me away. I’m 18. I’m not a child anymore. I haven’t been since my parents died.’ You get up off of the floor and open the bathroom door to see Sam gone, and Dean sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his hair. “I’m going to take a shower, or do I need your permission since you think I’m still a child.” You say as you walk over to your bag on your side of the bed. “Y/n, I never said I thought you were a child. I’m sorry about cuddling you this morning. But I can’t do that to you. You just turned 18 yesterday. I would be taking advantage of you.” “Wow Dean. You know you would think that all the experience you have with women you would know when one was interested in you. I know that I just turned 18 Dean. But guess what? I don’t care if you’re older than me. You could be 10 years older than me and I wouldn’t care. But seeing you literally push me away this morning gives me my answer.” Grabbing your clothes out of your bag you walk into the bathroom slamming the door before Dean could say another word. When you come out dressed and ready to go Sam is back and greets you before walking into the bathroom. “I’m going to grab coffee. Need anything?” Dean just shakes his head. You scoff and walk out.

While in the car with the boys you in the backseat Sam and Dean are discussing the plan for tonight. ‘Simple salt and burn Y/n. Simple salt and burn.’ Trying not to psych yourself out. ‘Everything is going to be fine. It’s all going to be okay. Easy peasy…’ “Y/n,” Sam starts. “I know the first hunt can be a little scary but trust me if you’re anything like your dad you will be just fine.” Giving Sam a genuine smile you look in the rearview mirror to see Dean staring at you. “I’m really glad you guys decided to take me hunting for my birthday. I know how hard the decision must have been.” “Why do you say that?” Well, maybe because Dean thinks I’m still a child and the only reason I felt anything for him is because I have always been alone, you thought to yourself. “Because you both,” adding emphasis on the word both just for Dean, “see me as a little sister, and you would hate for something to happen to me just as bad as I would hate for something to happen to you.” Sam gives you a side smile and Dean just lowers his head and sighs.

It was simple enough. You did just fine. Even Dean was surprised that you handled it so well. You did great research and handled your own. Dean climbs into the driver seat and Sam slides into the passenger side. “Alright Y/n, congrats on your first kill. Now how about some juicy burgers and a beer to celebrate?” Sam looks back at me and smiles. “I’m totally in! Can we try that bar I saw on the way into town?” “Of course we can, birthday girl.” “Dean, my birthday was yesterday.” You deadpanned. Making Sam raise an eyebrow. “Everything, okay with you guys?” “Fine.” You both say. “Hey D? I still have one more thing I would like to do for my birthday.” “Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

“Y/n, you can not drive my baby this fast you’re going to wreck! Do you even have your license?” You laugh speeding along down some backroad Dean had pulled off on so you could drive. “Of course I do D.” You lied. “Okay. That's enough. Pull over so I can drive. You’re done driving for the rest of your life.” Pulling over you jump out of the driver seat and give Dean a giant hug. “Thank you so much. I have always wanted to drive your car. Since I was little.” “You’re welcome sweetheart.” That damn name. Sam gave you a hug too, He whispers in your ear. “You know you’re lucky right? Dean doesn’t even let me drive his car. Unless absolutely necessary.” That makes your body heat up, you had no idea that even Sam hardly ever got to drive Dean's car. Later the next day you had finally made it home collapsing on the couch and breathing in the scent of your home. “Are you guys going to stay another night or head back out?” Dean is standing in the doorway talking to Sam. As you turn the corner you see them standing there. A hurt look on Sam’s face. “Bye Y/n. I’m really glad that I got to see you and spend time with you on your birthday. I’ll see you around.” You gave Sam a goodbye hug and turned to Dean. “I’m really glad that you guys came and spent time with me. It really means a lot. I know that you have to go and save more lives. So i will see you and Sam around sometime.” Turning to go back into your house Dean grabs you by your upper arm and spins you right into a bruising kiss. His mouth melts against your own. It ends too soon. “Y/n, I love you. But I can’t drag you into this life.” He turns and walks down the steps, down the sidewalk and into the impala. “Dean wait! Please wait! You can’t leave like that!” You fall onto the ground and watch through blurry eyes the impalas taillights fade out of your view.

“Dean. I thought that you didn’t want me? You said you loved me but I thought you meant as a sister. I thought that’s why you told me you didn’t want to drag me into this life. Was because I was like a little sister. Not that you actually loved me.” Dean took a deep breath and grabbed you tighter. “Y/n I love you so much. I always have. That’s what I was going to tell you that night I was waiting for you on your bed. But I thought you didn’t feel the same way I did so I pushed you away. Please don’t hate me for waiting this long to tell you. I was just scared that you would reject me. I-I’m so-.” You crashed your lips to his and pulled his face closer to yours. “Dean Winchester. I have loved you since I was 13. Don’t you ever push me away again.” “I promise Y/n I won’t. Never again. I love you so much. I want to have the apple pie life with you. I don’t want anyone else but you.” “Okay D.”

The kiss continued to deepen as he made his way down to your neck and then your collarbone. He ripped his leather jacket off and then yours. Hands reaching the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head. Only breaking the kiss for a few seconds before fisting your hands in his hair and bringing him closer if that was even possible. He broke the kiss and took his shirt off and your hands clung to his biceps and shoulders and chest trying to get a feel of his god like form. He grabs the back of your neck and pulls you apart. “Y/n please tell me that you want this and it’s not just me. I want you and I want all of you.” Breathing heavily you grab at the back of his neck and pull his face close enough to feel the heat from his body, “Dean Winchester, if you don’t fuck me like you mean it I’m going to shoot you in the leg.” At that, Dean kisses you and you jump up to wrap your legs around his waist. He grabs at your ass and thighs desperate for any type of friction. His cock is pressed right up against your clit causing just enough friction to make you whine. He grunts in response and tosses you onto the bed and climbs over you. “God Y/n you’re so damn beautiful. Can’t wait to taste you.” You sigh in response and he goes to work. Tugging your shorts and panties down your legs in one swift motion. He climbs up your body and unclasps your bra, tossing it to the floor. Fully naked and exposed underneath him. He groans and runs his hand down your body. From your lips, to your neck, down to your nipples, to your stomach, and finally down to your aching pussy. “God you’re so wet. This all for me?” “God, yes Dean please. I need you.” “Already begging sweetheart? I thought you were stronger than that.” He sinks two thick fingers into you and you clench. He starts slowly thrusting and curling his fingers right into your sweet spot, kissing down your neck and along your collarbone. “Dean.. I.. ah!” You came clenching around his thick fingers. “Fuck Y/n. I need to be inside of you.” He lines up with your entrance and inch by glorious inch he sinks into you. Stretching deliciously along your folds. Bottoming our he lets out a low groan and falls to his elbows next to your head. He’s deeper than you thought possible. “Fuck baby. You feel so fucking good wrapped around my cock, so tight.” “Dean. Please move!” He slowly drags out of you almost all the way before he snaps his hips forward and and scream leaves your lips. He sets a bruising pace. Your pussy clenching tight around him. You can feel your stomach heat up and the coil tightening. Threatening to snap any minute. He’s so fucking deep. His breathes are coming out ragged and sharp. “Y/n I don’t know how long I can last with you squeezing me like that.” He groans out. Know one has ever been able to fuck you like this. Your orgasm hits you like a cement truck you clench around him, white spots flooding your vision. Not soon after his hips falter and he’s cumming deep inside you. His moans in your ear are the hottest thing you’ve ever heard. He rolls off of you and pulls you into his side and falls asleep.

The next morning you wake up blushing from the events that had occurred the night before. Turning over trying not to wake Dean. You roll out of bed and take a shower. The hot water runs over your aching muscles from last night's previous activities. You take a deep breath. ‘What if he doesn’t feel the same?’

Coming out of the bathroom the steam follows and you see the groggy man in your bed stirring. “Good morning D. Did I wake you up?” “No sweetheart, I just got up. What time is it?” He rolls over and checks his burner phone and groans. “It’s only 9:30. Man I was hoping it was later.” You smile and climb into the bed and snuggle up next to him. “D?” “Yeah Y/n?” “What are we going to do about Sam?” “He told me he’s always wanted me to have a normal life. So I think that I should do just that… with you. Because, you see, baby, I love you I have since we were kids. I thought that since I was older and you were a little younger than me that you would have a thing for Sammy. But you didn’t. It was me all along and I didn’t realize that until your 18th birthday. I’m sorry Y/n. I’ll never leave you again. I promise.” You cuddle up closer to him and pull him tight. “I love you too Dean. Always have. Always will. No matter what, and if a normal like is what you want then a normal life is what you’ll get. I promise.” Dean rolls over and kisses your cheek and scoots closer to you. Grabbing your hip and pulling you closer to him. “I know I’m not one for the mushy moments right?” You sigh and nuzzle into his chest. “Yes Dean. I do. I haven’t been since my parents. I never thought I would love anything ever again. Not until you came along. You waltz in on my 18th birthday and suddenly all of those winks, nicknames, and lingering looks made sense.” Dean just pulls you closer. “Of course they made sense Y/n. I never thought it would work until you practically slapped me with your words. But it worked, and I ain’t ever letting you go.”

Tags::

#dean x reader #supernatural #deanwinchester #spnsmut #supernaturalsmut #smut #dean smut #young dean winchester #spn season 3 #smutty

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dacrethehalls · 5 years ago

Text

Wonder Palace

Billy Hargrove x OC

Summary: Billy gets a summer job as a life guard at a water park in the next town over. He never expects to find a family in the rag tag group of people who work with him. Word Count: 15k+ Warnings: Physical Abuse, Abuse mention, Drug use, language, slight Smut A/N: Off Cannon! Season 3! Billy because baby boy deserves all the love and happiness in the world. This is based on State Champ’s music video for the song Losing Myself. This is my first fic in forever and it has taken me WEEKS to finish it. I’m rusty, so be nice!

Summer in Arbor Pines, Indiana was my absolute favorite time of year. Not only did it mean school was out, it also marked the opening of Reynolds’ Wonder Palace, a seasonal water and mini amusement park on the outskirts of town.

I spent almost every summer since I was 14 working there becoming a somewhat dysfunctional but loving family with the rest of the staff.

My best friends; Geoff, Maggie, Issac and Derrick were among the group of people I worked with along with our pseudo big brother, Tyler Reynolds, or as we called him, Naldo. Who’s family owned the Amusement Park.

Arbor Pines was a smaller town right outside of Hawkins, and Naldo’s Palace, as we all called it was right in the middle of both cities.

I blew my horn at the blue camaro who cut me off at the gas station sticking my middle finger up at the driver as I pulled my jeep into the gas station. I was already running late, but that never stopped me from grabbing the world’s best breakfast burrito from the world’s shittest corner store.

“Is it opening day already Daph?” Francis, the clerk beamed as I sat a cup of coffee and my burrito on the counter. I hummed pulling out a wad of cash from my pocket.

“The best day of the year!” I mused as Francis placed my items in a bag.

“I’m thinking of bringing Sydney and the kids next week. Do you give any friends and family discounts?”

“Of course! I work everyday, I’ll be sure to leave tickets at admissions for you.” I chortled grabbing my things off the counter. I gave a quick wave goodbye as I headed back to my Jeep.

“Daph, have you seen the new life guard?” Maggie asked as I climbed over the pool float rental counter. “His name is Billy, he’s from Hawkins” she continued as I punched my clock in card.

“It’s opening day and you’re already looking at the new meat?” I mused pulling my staff shirt over my head and hoisting myself up on the counter. Maggie’s mouth curved up into a smile, “of course, I’m a planner.”

I let out a snorty laugh swinging my legs a little, kicking the pool floats in front of me, “You think he’s as cute as Robin? I’m really sad that she got a job at Star Court and isn’t here with us.”

I pushed my bottom lip out, dramatically frowning at the thought of not being able to work next to one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen. “Well, he’s blonde and you have a thing for people with light colored hair. He’s a solid ten out of ten.”

I rolled my eyes playfully pushing her.

“... and this is Daphne and Maggie! Ladies, this is Billy Hargrove.” Naldo mused banging on the counter-top to get our attention.

Maggie and I’s head jerked over in the direction the boys were standing. I kicked my legs over to the other side of the counter grinning.

“I’m Daphne.” I chirped offering my hand for Billy to shake.

Maggie wasn’t kidding, the boy was a complete work of art, from his blonde curls that adorned his head to his torso with well defined muscles. My heart instantly fluttered when the two of us made eye contact.

He was beautiful. Until he opened his mouth.

I could tell by the way he deepened his voice, eyeing both Maggie and I with hungry eyes that he was a complete bonehead.

“Daph, you have training duties with Billy today. First rotation will be The Serpent.” Naldo grinned nodding his head towards the giant water slide. “You mind introducing him to the rest of the staff on your way over there?”

I nodded giving a toothy grin. “Of course!”

I hopped off the counter saluting Naldo and Maggie, than looking over at Billy “Let’s go Fabio.” I mused Strolling backwards placing my heart shaped sunglasses on my face.

Billy followed quietly behind me as I introduced him to the rest of the staff.

I knew he wasn’t paying attention to me at all by the occasional “Mmmhm.” and “uh huh.” I got as we made our way to The Serpent. I switched from talking about the park over to mine and my friends latest campaign, to talking about the latest centerfold in playboy, laughing to myself noticing he still wasn’t paying attention to me.

“Daphne!”

I felt arms wrap around me picking me off the ground. “You missed the morning roundup. You know what that means. SUPER SOAK!” Geoff yelled as our friends Issac and Derrick came out of the bathroom spraying me down with their water guns.

“Don’t you losers have anything better to do than hide in the shadows and attack an innocent bystander?”

“Poor Princess Daphne, is in distress with nobody to help her.” Derrick grinned shooting me again. Geoff flipped me over throwing me over his shoulder, carrying me towards my post.

I didn’t even try to protest Geoff carrying me. This was a usual occurrence not only being bullied by my best friends, but also being called Princess Daphne from the video game Dragon’s Lair.

All three boys eyes lit up when the game was released, having more ammo other than Daphne from Scooby Doo to poke fun at my name. Dragon’s Lair give them an inch and they take a mile.

“Well, I wouldn't have been late if an asshole in a blue camaro wouldn't have tailgated me, making me go twenty under the speed limit. I wasn’t going to not stop and Syd’s Gas Station and get a steak and egg burrito.” I chortled.

“You left the neighborhood before any of us and you were still the one that was late.”

I rolled my eyes looking up at the boy behind us. “Billy, these three idiots are Geoff, Issac and Derrick.” I grunted as the other two boys fell back behind Billy, still spraying me with water.

“And if you miss morning roundup, you’ll get sprayed with a water gun.” I huffed as Geoff sat me on my feet on the stairs.

“Our girl Daphne is always late. Don’t be like her!” Issac mused as Billy pushed past us heading up the stairs.

The four of us watched silently before I cleared my throat. “I think Naldo sticking me with him is some form of punishment. I’ve known him for about fifteen minutes,” I gestured my hand up the stairs watching the blonde boy climb up the third flight. “And I already want to fight him.”

The three boys started laughing as the park horns blew indicating the park was now opened.

“Try not to let anyone drown.” I quipped snatching the water gun out of Issac’s hand winking at the boys before heading up to the top of the slide.

Later That Morning

“So you’re from California?” I questioned as I helped a father and his daughter into their tube. “I’ve always wanted to go there, I love the beach.” I added looking over at Billy who wasn’t paying attention to me at all.

I rolled my eyes looking down at the duo in front of me, “You ready kiddo?” I Sang, placing my whistle in my mouth.

She nodded as her father held on to her tightly, “3...2...1..blast off!” I yelled blowing my whistle and stepping aside as the tube started its small plummet to the swirling bowl below.

Billy and I traded places for the next set of people as I continued to make conversation with the boy who was completely uninterested with everything I had to say.

“You’re not very nice” I finally, muttered watching as he pushed a kid in his tube down the slide, I was counting down the moments until our first rotation was over.

“I don’t have to be nice, princess. I’m just here to make money so I can leave this shit stain of a state.” He chided leaning on the railing looking down at me.

“Oh my god, you can talk!” I beamed clapping my hands.

Billy rolled his eyes as he helped another kid into a float pushing him down before he was actually prepared to slide.

“Come on, lighten up Billy. We don’t have to be friends, but I can promise you work will be a lot more bearable if you drop the bad boy facade” I stepped down the little ledge switching place with Billy again, ignoring the kid getting into the tube behind me.

“How about you stop acting like you know me, prin-”

“Call me Princess again and you’ll be the next one to go down this slide” I warned, cutting him as the kids snickered behind us.

“I’d listen to her, dude. I pretended I was drowning so she would give me CPR last year and sh-” I grunted snatching the float from under the boy kicking him down the slide. “I can still taste the peanut butter sandwich he had for lunch.” I complained, as the last of the queue took their place on our slides.

“You’re not very nice” He mocked suppressing a laugh, turning from me so I couldn't see him smile. I felt a warmth grow in my chest, watching the boy in front of me. I contorted my face in disgust at the feeling that smile gave me.

“Believe me, he deserved that.” I grinned watching as Billy relaxed his posture a little. “I have to admit, you may have won me over a little with that one”

“I’m a very likable person.” I chortled as he smirked stepping closer to me. “And you’re really pretty too”

I stepped back feeling the blood rush to my cheeks while looking at Billy like he was a complete nut Job.

“I have watched you flirt with every single girl who has crossed your path today. It’s not going to work on me.” I stammered.

“I like it when I have to work for a girl.” He smiled devilishly making me feel even more flustered.

If it wasn't for us being on the clock and a bunch of children surrounding us, I would have totally let him take me right then and there. But I had enough self control to know how bad of a decision that would have been.

Never get your honey where you get your money. I repeated the words my mother told me on my very first day of working here to myself as I tried my best not to seem completely flustered.

I cleared my throat as Isaac and Geoff approached us.

“You two can go on break now, and then you have lazy river duties.” Issac Hummed looking between Billy and I, giving me a look that I prayed only Derrick noticed.

“Oh thank god!” I praised shoving my rescue float at Isaac. I looked over Billy, smiling at him, pretending that the last five minutes didn’t happen.

“Let’s go, Fabio. We might as well stick together if we have the same duties for the next rotation.”

“Not a chance Princess.” He smirked as one of the many girls who flirted with him this morning shuffled up to us once we made it down the steps. “I have lunch plans already.” He eyed the girl, Victoria, hungrily.

What a pig.

I scrunched my nose, looking up at him. “Have fun with that.” I muttered as he took her hand, pulling her to the direction of the employee entrance.

I turned on my heel making my way back towards the rental booth, where Maggie was still stationed.

“How was first rotation?” Maggie questioned as I climbed over the counter and grabbing my lunch box from the cubby beneath it.

“Billy is a complete bonehead.”

I hoisted myself up on the counter, crossing my legs under one another and putting my lunchbox in my lap.

“He’ll fit in perfectly with the boys then.” She chuckled making me grimace at the thought of Billy being part of our group.

“Mags, he would one hundred percent make fun of us for playing D and D.”

“But I bet you he’s never played Drunk Dungeon and Dragons before.” she grinned.

I chuckled taking a bite out of my ham sandwich.

“Where is Judd Nelson at any way?”

“Eating lunch with Victoria Andrews.” I snorted using finger quotes around Eating Lunch

Maggie’s face contorted up in disgust. “He went off with Hickey Vicky?”

“I asked if he wanted to eat with me but he told me he isn’t here to make friends, so I see it as a lost cause.” I spoke, cringing at how bitter that sounded after I had said it.

Maggie let out an excited gasp, slamming her hands down on the counter on either side of me. “You’re crushing on him aren't you!?” She mused leaning in and taking a bite from my sandwich.

“No! I am not. I called him a bonehead for a reason.” I sputtered, eyes growing wide knowing that Maggie, the girl I had known since I was seven years old could see right through my bullshit.

She smirked at me crossing her arms. “Getting small flutters in my stomach is not a crush Margaret.” I jeered saying her full name.

“It totally is,” she retorted. “And you’re blushing!”

I sat my sandwich on my knees as I touched my cheeks with both hands. “He’s just flirty and was trying to pull a move on me and then he went off with Victoria.”

I avoided Maggie's gaze turning my focus on the rest of my lunch.

I made towards my new station, stopping and saying hello to some of the park’s regular customers. The lazy river was probably the most boring part of the water park.

It consisted mostly of the parents who brought their kids to the park and let them run loose, along with the occasional shithead kids who got joy out of taunting the life guards with water guns.

I started gathering the floats that people had left at the end of the lazy river, putting them back into the bin they belonged in.

“Hey, princess.”

I turned looking over at Billy disapprovingly. “How was lunch?” He questioned as I grabbed another float tossing it into the bin.

“I ate a ham sandwich, an apple and some chocolate pudding. And I sat at the rental booth with Maggie. How was your lunch?”

A smile spread across his face as he placed his whistle in his mouth, “It was great.”

“Just so you know, Hickey-” I closed my eyes suppressing my laugh at the nickname we all dubbed the poor girl when we were all twelve years old. “-I mean Vicky is a little on the loony side...and is probably already planning your wedding.”

Billy grimaced, as he helped me clear the rest of the floats out.

“You couldn’t have warned me?”

“I didn’t warn Issaac when he hooked up with her and he’s one of my best friends.” I mused, struggling to push the ben. Billy bumped his hip into mine moving me as he started pushing it without ease.

“The lazy river is the most boring but easy duty. Beginning of rotation we clear out the tubes from the gathering pool and same with the end. And then we just sit thirty feet apart and hope nobody will drown”

Billy hummed as we walked together to the start of the lazy river.

“So, I was an asshole this morning, and I wanted to apologize for that” Billy uttered. “I just need money and I don’t need any attachments.”

I raised my eyebrow looking over at him. “Flirting with me this morning and hooking up with a girl on lunch break isn't an attachment?” I questioned

Billy nodded his head pushing his lower lip out. “Touche.”

“I’m just saying, if you’re going to have vehicular sex on break, you might as well at least try to be friends with some of the staff. It doesn't even have to be me,”

I brought my whistle up to my mouth blowing into it and looking over at two kids who were running.

“Do you dweebs not know how to read?!” I yelled pointing to the NO RUNNING sign that was posted on almost every pole around the water park.

“Sorry, Miss Daphne!” One of them yelled as both boys slowed their gait.

I turned back looking at Billy with a smile, “Derek, Issac, Maggie, and Geoff are my best friends, so if you’re friends with one of us, your friends with all of us.”

He chuckled to himself quietly. “I figured that much. And what about Tyler?”

“You mean Naldo? He’s like the mom in the group. He’s five years older than all of us. He makes sure we don’t ever get ourselves killed. Or kill each other.”

Billy nodded. “My little sister has a friend like that. I think it’s weird but you know, it’s whatever.”

I shrugged. “He’s probably like a role model to her. My dad is an ass and I’m an only child, so having Naldo to go when I had problems was great.”

Billy nodded in agreement, “Kinda wish I had someone like that.” he muttered. “I mean, as long as you work here, you’ll have Naldo. Everyone needs a Naldo in their life.”

“I mean, I guess you’re right.” He shrugged as we stopped in front of the steps to the lazy river.

“I know I am.” I grinned earning a laugh from Billy.

We unloaded all the floats we gathered, Billy mostly telling me about himself, where he was from and how he was working as much as he could to go back.

Second rotation seemed to drag on after Billy and I went to our separate. I was dreaming of a cold shower after sitting out in the sweltering afternoon heat.

I signed slumping down in my chair kicking my legs over the railing. Discreetly looking over at Billy and laughing at how un interested he was in the conversation that Victoria was trying to have with him.

I turned my attention back to the water watching as a few people floated by me.

Suddenly feeling cold water being poured over my head, I gasped, turning to see who the culprit was seeing two middle school age boys laughing at me.

I jumped off my chair hitting one of them in the back of the head with my rescue float.

“YOU LITTLE SHITS ARE GOING TO WISH YOU HADN'T DONE THAT!” I fumed running after them and tackling them to the ground behind Billy’s lifeguard chair.

I sat on both boys hitting them both in the head with my life raft. “You twerps ever do that again you will be banned for life from this entire park!” I screamed hitting them again.

“Hey, relax.” Billy spoke lifting me off the boys, who were starting to cry as I struggled against Billy’s arms that was locked around my waist.

“That’s right, you cry for your mommy you shit stains!” I yelled kicking my legs at them as Billy carried me away from the two boys. “Uh,” he mumbled quietly as he set me down on my feet.

“Although that was probably the hottest things I have ever seen, but In my experience, trying to bring harm to middle schoolers will only bring harm to yourself.”

“Those two always like to pull shit with me.” I grunted as Naldo ran up to us. “Daphne would you like to tell me why the Erikson boys are crying right now?”

“Yeah, they poured water on me...again I guess hanging them up by their trunks to the light pole last year didn’t teach them anything.” I chided only to have Naldo shake his head angrily at me.

“Daphne, this-”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s my first and last warning.” I rolled my eyes cutting him off before adding “ I’m off lifeguard duties for the season, blah blah blah.” I chided as Naldo shook his head again in disappointment.

“I’m not that mean Daph. But I’m upset, just don’t act out so fast when they mess with you and let me handle it. Promise me you’ll come to me? That’s what the walkie talkies are for.”

I sighed in defeat, “I’m sorry, Naldo. I’ll go apologize to the boys too. And I’ll- uh sanitize the floats and snorkel gear tonight.”

A smile grew across his face, accepting my apology“Toot it and boot it Daph,” Naldo exclaimed holding his hand out. We high fived then bumped our fists together.

“Ok, you two can get back to your posts now.” he spoke, turning on his heal and heading back from where he came from.

“Toot it…..and boot it?” Billy questioned raising an eyebrow.

“He makes everyone do that. So get use to it Hargrove.”

I trudged out the back gate to my car noticing the blue Camaro from this morning parked next to mine, and Billy laying back on top of the hood. “Billy?” I questioned, approaching both vehicles.

He lifted his head looking over at me as I stood beside him.

“What are you still doing here? Everyone is gone.”

“I’m just avoiding going home,” He admitted. “Why?” I questioned throwing my bag in the back of my Jeep then laying next to Billy on top of his car. He grunted in response to me pushing him over a little to make room for myself.

“I just don’t want to go home.”

I could tell by the look on his face that it wasn't a subject I should push. “You want to spend the night at my place?” I offered

Billy looked over at me raising his eyebrows at me, a smirk forming on his lips.

“Uck, You wish, Fabio. I’m just being nice. I have a pullout couch in my room.”

Billy chuckled nervously, “I guess I can take you up on the offer.”

I sat up, sliding off of his car, “Okie dokie then, I’m starving so just follow me home.” I chirped turning around and climbing into my jeep.

“Oh and by the way, You drive like an asshole.”

Billy rolled his eyes as he slid off the hood of his car. “You’re the one that goes twenty under the speed limit.”

“Yeah, well I wouldn't have if you didn’t ride my ass like you were doing.” I chortled as I started my car.

“I’ll see you in a little bit, Fabio.”

It didn't take long for us to arrive at my house, I pulled into my driveway getting out as Billy parked his Camaro behind me

“Your parents will be okay with this?” Billy questioned as we went up the front steps of the house.

“Mom is a nurse over at Hawkins Memorial. She won’t be home until the morning,” I assured stepping into our home. “And besides, she wouldn’t care, she loves all of my friends. Maggie and the boys stay over all the time.”

“What about your dad?” Billy questioned.

“Doesn’t Live here.” I grinned dropping my bag by the door before kicking my shoes off.

“Billy, this Tatoonie my cat. She’s an asshole and will probably either pee on your shoes or sleep on your head tonight.” I giggled as we made our way to my bedroom.

Billy paused backing up looking at a framed photos of me and my mother hung up on the wall.

“Santa Monica Pier.” He whispered looking over at me.

“My mom took me there for my fifth birthday, paid for surfing lessons. We went every year until she left my dad and we couldn't afford it anymore” I frowned looking at the 8 photos of my mom and I standing happily together on the beach.

“You can surf?” Billy questioned looking over at me.

“Yeah, but I’m awful at it, if you were paying attention to what I was saying this morning you would have known that.” I crossed my arms jokingly glaring at him.

“I’ve been saving money so I can go back and visit. It’s been a while and I really miss the ocean.” I added looking back at the pictures and some of the best memories I had with my mother.

“I want to go back also,” Billy spoke softly not taking his eyes off of the center portrait of the Santa Monica Pier.

“Well if you play your cards right, I might let you come with me.” I winked

grabbing Billy’s hand pulling him away from the photos and to my room.

He looked around taking in my room and the various posters and photos that adorned my walls.

“Make yourself at home, I’m going to shower.” I quipped grabbing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from the mound of clean clothes sitting on top of my bed I hadn’t bothered to fold then padding into my bathroom.

I quickly washed the work day off of me, taking the time to shave the areas on my body that needed it, - you know just in case. I stepped out of the shower, pulling a t-shirt over my head and wrapping my hair up in the towel to dry it.

I went back into my room right as Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent filled my room. Billy was sitting in front of my record player, thumbing through my collection of vinyls.

“You have great taste in music.”

I chuckled sitting next to him. “Thank you, there is a record store here in town that has a killer selection.”

He pulled Black Sabbath's Paranoia album out of my collection placing the needle precisely at the beginning of the song Iron Man. I laid back kicking my legs up and resting them on the wall in front of me.

Billy followed my motion laying the opposite way, placing his head next to mine.

“Hey, Princess?”

“Call me that again and you’ll sleep outside with the family of unfriendly gophers that live in my backyard.” I grunted.

He sighed loudly. “Daphne.” He corrected turning his head looking over at me. I hummed in response, closing my eyes, focusing on the music that was humming through the speakers.

“Thanks for letting me stay tonight. Even if we just met.” Billy whispered. I turned my head, smiling at him.

“It’s not a problem. I figured you didn’t want to talk about why you didn’t want to go home so I didn’t press it.”

He didn’t respond, he kept his focus on me. I rolled up on my side propping myself up on my elbow, looking down at him. “But if you ever want to talk, just know I’m here. I’m a good listener.”

Billy looked at me sitting up and pressing his lips to mine I stared wide eyed at him as he placed his hand on the side of my head, his fingers gripping some of my hair. My heart started to flutter after the shock of being kissed wore off.

Billy pulled away looking at me, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He apologized.

I tried my best to hide the shock of being kissed on my face, feeling my cheeks grow incredibly warm.

“I-I mean y-you could have -a-asked. I would've said y-yes, but that’s b-beside the p-point.” I stammered, rolling back on my back and trying to regain my composure. Normally when I was kissed, I didn't get so flustered. I was able to play it cool, but this kiss was different.

I cleared my throat looking back over at Billy who hadn’t taken his eyes off of me. “Can I kiss you again?” Billy questioned softly, any trace of the bad boy facade completely gone. He reached over gently caressing my cheek.

I could have melted into him right then and there without any hesitation. But playing hard to get would be more fun. I wanted to see how flustered I could make him, just like he had just done to me now and earlier on in the day.

“I’m actually really fucking hungry. Come on, Fabio lets raid the kitchen for some grub” I stood up putting my hand out to help Billy up. He took it with a smile, not even needing my counter weight to help him up.

“...so is that a no on the kissing you thing.” Billy questioned stroking my cheek with his hand.

“Yes, that’s a no.” I chuckled lightly grabbing onto his wrist. “Let’s go, lover boy.”

I lead Billy into the kitchen. “Mom and I made meatloaf last night. We have leftovers from that ooooor,” I hummed looking in the freezer, “We have pizza, pot pies ooooor,” I sang again looking in the small cookie jar on our counter we kept our money in for take out. “We can order Chinese.”

I turned facing Billy who was leaning against the counter. “You’re the guest so you can choose” I mused.

“Pizza is fine”

“Done deal.” I grabbed a cheese pizza from the freezer turning on the oven so it would start to preheat.

Turning back to the fridge I grabbed two beers, tossing one over to Billy, who continued to stare at me silently. “What’s your deal, Billy?” I questioned raising an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing- it’s nothing. I just- it’s-” He sputtered popping the can open. I chuckled stepping around the counter and standing by him.

“Now that we have decided on dinner, I suppose that you can kiss me. If you still want-”

Billy pressed his lips against mine cutting me off mid sentence, softly placing his hand on my cheek. I stepped closer to him, standing between his legs as his hand found its way to the back of my head, fingers knotting in my hair has he deepened the kiss.

I had never been kissed like this before, it almost felt like time came to a complete stop as our lips moved against each other. It wasn’t until the oven’s timer went off alerting us that the pizza was finished cooking that I had noticed it’d been a whole half hour that we stood in my kitchen making out.

I cleared my throat stepping back, “The Pizza is ready.”

Billy let out a small throaty laugh -- trying to hide the fact that he was just as flustered as I was. “I didn’t really peg you as that good of a kisser.” He mused earning an eye roll from me.

“Better than Hickey Vicky?” I joked winking at him as I sauntered over to the oven grabbing oven mitts and pulling the pizza out and sitting it on the stove.

Once it was cooled, I brought the tray over to the counter Billy was at sitting it on the bar and finding a place next to him.

“I would say you’re definitely in the top five.”

I contorted my face in disgust.

“I don’t know if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.”

Billy hummed in response looking over at me, he opened his mouth then promptly shutting it opting to shove a slice of pizza in his mouth than telling me what he was thinking.

We sat in comfortable silence eating our dinner.

“I need to wash my uniforms, if you want to give me yours too I toss them in with my dirty laundry.” I spoke, finally breaking the silence. Billy got up and made his way back to my room emerging with soiled clothes and handing them over to me.

I threw Billy and I’s dirty uniforms in the washer pressing start before walking back out to the kitchen, smiling at him as I watched him clean up the small mess we made from dinner.

“Ok, uniforms are in the wash, Mom will probably put them in the dryer when she gets home, So I’m going to pass out.” I nodded my head towards where my room was.

“Uh, you’re welcome to sleep on the couch out here or in my room. The latter would probably be the best option so my mother doesn't come home from work to a man-child with a mullet asleep in her living room.”

Billy chuckled following me to my room.

“I want to thank you again, Daph, for letting me stay here.”

“Oh, it’s honestly no problem, You’re a bone head, but I enjoy your company.”

Billy plopped down on my couch pulling his shirt off over his head. I grabbed a blanket from the top shelf of my closet, unfolding it and draping it over Billy. He smiled up to me sleepily, “You’re going to steal my heart from me” He muttered as I grabbed a pillow handing it to him.

“I don’t take hearts, I break them.” I joked leaning down and pressing a small kiss on Billy’s cheek then switching off the lights in my room.

Billy let out a soft chuckle, repeating the words I had just spoke to him. I rolled my eyes climbing onto my bed and getting under the covers.

“Goodnight, Princess.”

“Goodnight, Fabio.”

I rested my cheek on my hand watching as all the people in the park passed by the shaved ice stand I was assigned to for my shift.

Most of the customers opted for actual ice cream or frozen lemonades over the shaved ice truck, which didn’t bother me too much, not only was I able to sit in an air conditioned trailer, but my stand was also located close to Billy’s lifeguard post.

We were about a month and a couple weeks into the season. And Billy and I had grown pretty close, especially since he stayed at my house a few times a week.

The boys and Maggie, of course, welcomed him into our group with open arms and he begrudgingly became the Barbarian in our DND party.

The fuzzy feelings I felt in my chest when I was around him and the fact that my mother absolutely adored him didn’t help my situation either.

And that made me feel gross, seeing how he was always flirting with me and all the girls around him. Especially since we spent ninety percent of our lunch breaks making out in the backseat of my Jeep.

It was gross.

He was gross.

“Are you crushing on Billy?”

I rolled my eyes turning my attention to Naldo, who was leaning on the counter behind me, with a huge shit eating grin plastered across his face. “No, Tyler I’m not crushing on Billy!” I growled.

“Then where did that come from?” He questioned poking at the red mark on my neck.

“I got bit by a spider,” I lied.

Naldo pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head. “I know when you’re lying Daphne Louise.”

I grimaced at the use of my full name. Naldo undoubtedly making a dig at me for calling him Tyler moments before.

“Hypothetically speaking, if I were to be crushing on Billy. And he left Hickeys on my neck even when I have repeatedly asked him over and over not to would you be angry with me?”

Naldo let out a guttural high pitched laugh startling the people who were walking by. I was almost certain Billy had heard him also, I nodded at the startled customers then looking across the way at Billy who lifted his arm up in a what the fuck kind of way. I gave him a shrug before turning back to Naldo.

“What the fuck was that!?” I hissed as Naldo failed to regain his composure.

“I knew it!” He exclaimed, “You’ve been a lot nicer than usual.. And,” He grabbed my leg making me lose my balance falling into the counter. “You’ve been shaving your legs.”

“You’re such a weirdo.” I fumed as he dropped my leg.

“Happiness looks so good on you, Kid.” he chortled

I smiled to myself eyeing Billy has he waved sheepishly at me. I waved back at him. Not turning back to Naldo, who started singing Billy and Daphne sittin’ in a tree.

I finally turned to him, sighing. “Yes, I like him. Will that make you shut up?”

Naldo looked at me, smugly. “Like I said, Happiness looks good on you. But how about you two eat lunch with all of us today instead of eating lunch in your jeep.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “Okay, Naldo.”

I held my fist out to him as he we did our not so secret toot it and boot it hand shake.

“I’m serious, I better see you in the food court!” He chirped as he stepped out of the shaved ice stand. I gave him a small salute before he turned and skipped away.

Our first shift felt like it lasted forever and I was hungry for some actual food instead of the ice I had been grazing on all morning. The person who came to relieve me was late, per usual, so I was late meeting up with him for our daily lunch break.

“There’s a party everyone is going to tonight Billy, are you going?” I overheard as I made my way up to Billy and the girls that had flocked around him.

“Please, and hang around the losers that work here?” Billy quipped once I was standing behind him.

“You work here too, Hargrove, so that makes you a loser by association.” I chimed in, poking him in the back.

Billy rolled his eyes before pushing his sunglasses back up the bridge of his nose and turning back to the girls.

“Have a good lunch break, Jackass.” I quipped grabbing the cigarette from behind his ear and placing it between my lips heading towards the burger post.

I wasn’t even half way there before Billy caught up to me, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

“You know I was just kidding right? About you and the others being losers?” Billy spoke, quickly obviously hiding the anxiety that he actually pissed me off in his voice.

“Sure you were, Fabio” I smirked as we reached the doors to small cafeteria. He dropped his arm that was draped around my shoulder to open the door for me.

“I’m serious Daph.”

I rolled my eyes rising up on my toes pressing my lips to his cheek. “Billy, I’m just fucking with you. Don’t you worry that pretty little face of yours.”

Billy ducked down quickly kissing my nose. I beamed up at him grabbing his hand as we shuffled into the building.

“There’s a party tonight Billy, are you going? You can crash at my place after.” Issac offered leaning back in his chair.

“Please, Issac, Billy is way too cool to be seen at an Arbor Pines party. Apparently we’re all a bunch of losers.” I quipped looking over at Billy hinting at the conversation he had had earlier with some of the girls that crowded around him at the pool during shift change.

Billy's lips twitched up as he dug his fork into his potato salad. It was small and quick and I was almost certain that I was the only one who saw it.

“We weren’t a bunch of losers when we kicked Hawkins High’s basketball team at nationals.” Geoff smirked.

“And you made that Tommy kid cry.” I chortled taking a bite of my hamburger.

This time Billy didn’t suppress his laugh, it bellowed out of him as he threw his head back, eyes watering. “You were the one that made Tommy cry?” Billy asked between laughs trying to catch his breath.

“Jesus, Hargrove, in through your nose and out through your mouth.” I insisted, flinging a french fry at him.

“Tommy H cries all the time.” Billy sputtered causing all of us to start laughing along with him.

I felt the warmth creep across my chest again, watching as Billy was generally getting along with our little group. His asshole behavior and blunt attitude fit in perfectly with the rest of our personalities.

“When we were little, all of us were on a soccer team together, and he cried because he got beat by a team with girls on it.” I sat back rolling my eyes.

“Back to the party, you in Hargrove? We’ll have a few kegs, different kinds of alcohol and some special baked goods. You can’t say no, It’s your girlfriend’s birthday party.” Issac coaxed, winking at Billy.

Without a beat, Billy turned to me, eyebrows raised. “It’s your birthday?” Ignoring the fact that Issac referred to me as his girlfriend.

The look on his face was a mixture of embarrassment and panic, for either forgetting, not remembering my birthday.

“Relax, Billy, It’s tomorrow, and don’t think I ever told you my birthday.” I chuckled watching as his rigid posture became more relaxed.

He bit down on his lip trying to regain his composure.

“If there is a keg, you can count me in.” Billy grinned.

I wiped my mouth shooting my two middle fingers up at Billy. He stood there staring at me in disbelief after I beat his keg stand time by 30 seconds. I smirked at him blowing a kiss as I placed a cigarette in my mouth.

“It’s okay Fabio, You’re still the keg king in Hawkins” I quipped patting him on the chest.

“That was…..sexy.” He blurted as I passed my cigarette to him. He drew it in tilting his head up blowing the smoke in the air before passing it back to me.

“I almost forgot! I got you something!” Billy grabbed my hand pulling me through the crowd and out to his car.

“Billy, you didn’t have to get me anything.” I giggled as he dug through the back seat of his car. “Well you’re my best friend and the fact that I didn't know your birthday is so bad. So here you go!” He shoved a badly wrapped package into my hands smiling down at me.

My heart fluttered at how excited he was, and how he referred to as his best friend. I tore at the paper chuckling as it revealed a half eaten bag of cherry licorice and a small stuffed animal obviously taken from the carnival games at work.

“I will cherish these for the rest of my life.” I beamed pulling Billy into a hug. He wrapped his arms around me picking me off my feet. “Thank you.” I whispered into his shoulder as he placed me back onto the ground.

“It’s no problem, Princess.”

The night continued on with more and more people showing up for the occasion. We danced, and sang and drank the night away as everyone wished me a happy birthday.

Half way through the party I decided to try and start sobering up so I wouldn't be completely hungover on my actual birthday.

I made myself a home on the front law where it was pretty quiet. I laid back watch the stars before Billy plopped down next to me in the grass.

“Has anyone told you that you’re kinda scary?” He coaxed causing me to laugh.

“How high are you right now?” He shrugged laying back looking up at the sky.

“Only, a little,” he grinned sheepishly at me before continuing.

“You’re one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Your love and compassion for people-even the ones you hate is so genuine. You bring light into people’s lives, Daphne. And that scares me.”

I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging my arms around me in an attempt to keep my heart contained in one place as I looked down at the boy.

“Why would that scare you?” I questioned him as he closed his eyes drawing in his cigarette, than offering it to me.

I took it placing it in my mouth.

“The last person that was a light in my life left me alone in the dark.”

I frowned watching as he was fighting whatever thoughts were crossing his mind. “I lose myself in the best possible way when you’re around,” Billy opened his eyes, looking over at me as he sat up. I bit down on my lip, looking at him.

“I’m in love with you.” Billy spoke leaning in and pressing his lips to mine hungrily, our teeth clicking together as he knotted his fingers in my hair.

“Do you want to go inside?” I muttered on Billy’s lips. He opened his eyes slowly looking down at me through his lashes.

I lead Billy through the house and to the empty guest room, Maggie and I would always use when we stayed the night with Issac. I closed the door behind us, turning the lock then looking up at Billy.

He stepped towards me hooking his fingers into my belt loops pulling my body to his connecting our lips together. He backed me into the door as his fingers found their way to the hem of my of my shirt. He broke our kiss momentarily to pull my shirt over my head.

I rose up on my toes, to kiss him better pushing him backwards until he fell on the bed. I stepped out of my flats as Billy all but threw his boots across the room. I unzipped my shorts letting them fall to the floor as I climbed on the bed and on top of Billy connecting our lips once more.

His hands traced up my spine finding the band of my bra. “It unhooks from the front.” I chuckled

after a small grunt came from him.

“Why would you buy a bra that unhooks from the front?” he groaned has his fingers fumbled to get it unclasped.

“Because it was cute and on sale.” And I also got joy out of watching boys work hard to see my bare chest. I gave Billy a hand throwing my bra to the ground as he looked up and admired my topless form.

He grabbed my hips flipping us over so he was hovering over me, connecting our lips together. His hand that wasn't wrapped in my hair slowly brushed down my body, his fingers finding their way inside of me. I let out a small squeal at how cold his touch felt

. “Sorry,” He chuckled as he continued to move his fingers.

“You could have warned me that your hands were cold.” I giggled pulling his face back to mine.

I let out a small breathy moans while Billy kissed down my jaw, slowly making his way between my legs, kissing the inside of my thighs. He pulled my undies all the way off pressing more kisses on the inside of left my thigh before his mouth made its way to my clit.

My fingers instinctively ran through his hair knotting it in my fingers as he continued to hit all the right places with his tongue.

It didn’t take long for the electrifying sensation I hadn’t felt in so long to take over my entire body completely.

“Uh.. Um..B-Billy.” I spoke softly, voice shaky, as the electric sensation slowly left my body. He hummed unbuttoning his pants with one hand while placing small kisses up my body until our lips met once more.

“You have a condom right?” I questioned as he pulled away from me frowning.

“No, but we can still do it.” He muttered looking down at me.

“Uh, no we can’t. No condom, no sex.”

His head dropped on my shoulder, an annoyed grunt coming from him. “Do you have one?” he whispered nuzzling his nose into my neck.

“No,” I lied knowing that I had one hidden away in my wallet, Something my mother had always taught me, to keep one on me as a backup plan for if and when a boy tells me he didn't have one.

Billy sat up crossing his arms glaring down at me. “You’re lying.” I sat up on my elbows frowning, Billy had been around me long enough to pick up on my tiny mannerisms I subconsciously did when I told a lie.

“I have one in my wallet, but I really don’t feel like doing it anymore.” I mumbled reaching out to touch his face. “I love you too,” I cooed, responding to his confession from earlier.

“And I don’t want our first time together to be when we both are cross faded in someone else’s house.”

Billy finally rolled off the bed angrily buttoning his pants reaching down and grabbing his shirt. Not even looking at me.

“Billy, I want to, but I just don’t think its the right time for us to have sex.” I apologized earning a grunt from him as he left the room leaving me alone.

I got up, getting dressed quietly trying not to let the tears that were stinging in my eyes to completely fall.

I took a deep breath and headed back out to the party, where Billy and I didn’t speak for the rest of the night.

“Good morning, my darling birthday Girl!” My mother cheered as I hoisted myself onto the counter next to where she was standing. I smiled at her leaning over dipping my finger into the blueberry muffin batter she was preparing.

“Daphne Louise, that has raw eggs in it!” She scolded as I fished out another blueberry from the mix.

“That never stopped us from eating cookie dough while watching The Facts of Life” I giggled as my mom swatted at my hand.

“How was the party last night?” She questioned scooping spoonfuls of the mix into the muffin tin.

“I think Billy was trying to tell me that he loves me.” I crossed my legs under one another laughing nervously.

My mother’s eyes lit up as she looked over at me. “Annnnnnd?” She sang.

I dipped my fingers in the batter once again grabbing another blueberry, “We almost had sex. But I stopped it and he got mad and wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night”

She knew I wasn’t a virgin, I hadn't been since the ninth grade when I lost it to Joseph West in the back of his Cadillac DeVille. It was way less than satisfying. I asked my mother if it was supposed to be - that bad she laughed at me and told me the first time for everyone was pretty bad. My mother and I had a very close relationship, I was able to tell her things whether she approved of them or not, and she would always offer advice to me when I had any kind of problems.

She gave me a confused look, “Why did you change your mind?” She questioned moving the batter from out of my reach quietly giving me a “tsk.” as a popped another batter covered blue berry in my mouth.

“I don’t know, I just- want to make sure he’s in it for the right reasons.” I muttered.

“I like him, mom. I actually more than like him, I love him,” I admitted with a sigh. “And I want to protect my heart if the feelings aren’t mutual. What if he was just telling me the things I want to hear from him just so he can get me in the bed.”

My mother sighed wiping her hands down her apron.

“Honey, that’s just something you will have to decide for yourself. I personally think he really likes you, especially with all the time you two spend together. He never seems to go home. And he stopped sleeping on your couch weeks ago.”

I grinned sheepishly at my mother, knowing that she knew that Billy and I cuddled in my bed the nights that he stayed with me.

Hell, we would even cuddle the nights we both stayed with Maggie or one of the boys.

“Your father called last night. He wants you to come over for dinner to celebrate your birthday.”

My mother informed me changing the subject, Although we were open with each other she still preferred to not hear about my sex life.

I groaned grabbing and licking the last of the batter off of the spatula. “He’s going to be upset that I haven't applied to any schools still. He won’t even humor the idea of me taking time off of school and living,” I frowned. “I don’t even want to go to college.” I continued looking up at my mother.

My father was the complete opposite then my mother, he was harsh and cold where she was loving and accepting. When I was seven years old, my mother finally had enough of his anger and his hatred that she left with me, finding a home in Arbor Pines.

Growing up, there was a lot of stress and expectations put on my shoulders from him, from being forced into dance classes when I had to spend the summer with him, to having to go to after school tutoring when I wasn’t meeting his standards of grades.

I finally humored him when I was in high school taking advanced classes as well as being on the cheerleader squad and that still wasn’t enough. What I didn’t tell my mother was the abuse she endured before she got the courage was now put upon me. He promised that he’d never lay a finger on me but that complete changed the older I got, and the more of a failure he found me to be.

My mother cupped my chin in her hands pressing a kiss to my forehead. “Baby girl, no matter what you do, or where you go, you will accomplish wonderful things. I couldn’t be more proud of the young lady that you have become.”

I smiled softly at her as I wrapped my arms around her body hugging her. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too my sweet girl.”

I spent the rest of my morning eating and cleaning the kitchen with my mother and avoided going to Hawkins until I absolutely had to.

“I’ll probably hang out with Robin after dinner then come home.” I announced prancing out of the hallway to the living room where my mom was sitting. I pressed a kiss on her cheek.

“No parties while I’m gone.” I joked as I headed out the door with a wave.

It took less than an hour to get to Hawkins from my house, it was one of my favorite drives to take, a two lane road with a vast amount of trees, on the days I had to go to Hawkins to spend with my father, I would always take the top off of my car letting the wind and smell of pine surround me as I sped down the road.

One of my biggest dreams was to be able to travel the country, looking for hidden back roads that would twist and turn. Ones that I could zoom down listening to my music as loud as it could go.

I noticed a familiar blue car parked on the side of the road and as much as I didn’t want to stop and check up on the stupid owner with his stupid amazing hair, I did any way because, I’m a nice person that was in love with a asshole.

I pulled up behind Billy honking my car horn at him. He looked up from his flat tire, wiping his forehead, before standing up and stomping towards my jeep.

“Hiya, Princess.” Billy smirked leaning on my window. I rolled my eyes, ignoring the fact that I would never not be called princess by Billy.

“Come on, I’m heading into town. I can drop you off at the mechanic and they can bring a tow out here.” I smiled nodding to my passenger seat.

Billy took my offer, lumbering around to the passenger side climbing into my jeep. I took off once he was settled humming to myself to make up for the silence between us.

I wasn’t sure if he remembered the night before or not, which I was really hoping it was the latter. That he didn’t remember the kiss we shared or me rejecting him after us almost having sex.

I made a right turn onto the main road that took us to Hawkins, pushing my latest mix tape into the radio pressing my foot down heavily on the gas.

“AHHH AH!! WE COME FROM THE PLACE WITH THE ICE AND SNOW,” I yelled turning the volume to Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song.

“FROM THE MIDNIGHT SUN, WHERE THE HOT SPRINGS FLOW,” I looked over at Billy as he clung onto the grab handle above him as we zoomed down the winding roads towards town.

“The Hammer of the Gods!” I smirked returning my attention back to the road swerving my jeep back into my lane.

“Are you sure you’re allowed to drive?” Billy questioned trying but failing to mask his genuine fear in his voice.

I laughed easing up on the gas, “What, never been a passenger to someone who drives like you before?” I smirked eyeing the boy next to me.

He grunted in response as I drummed my thumbs on the steering wheel. “Billy, if I wanted to kill you, vehicular manslaughter wouldn’t be my first choice.”

I could feel his harsh stare boring into me as I brought the jeep to a stop at a light. “I’m serious. I’d poison you and then get Maggie or Issac to help me hide your body.”

Billy rolled his eyes looking away from me. “Remind me to never eat anything you ever give me.”

“You always seem to enjoy the muffins I bring to Naldo’s every morning.” I mused earning another grunt.

“Ok, what gives Hargrove, I understand you being grumpy because you got a flat tire but did Issac piss in your Cheerios this morning?”

Billy muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t quite understand. I reached over to my radio turning the volume completely down.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” I questioned, finally pulling into the parking lot of Hawkins only mechanic.

“If I wanted you to know what I said, Princess, I would have said it louder” Billy grunted opening the door to her car hopping out of it. I sat back in my seat, staring at him.

“Are you seriously angry at me because you didn’t get laid last night?”

Billy let out another grunt slamming my jeep door shut. I felt my cheeks grow red from anger as I watched the boy stride away angrily. I placed my car in park getting out and chasing after him.

“You’re such a prick, you know that. Huh?” I yelled pushing his shoulder.

“Was you telling me that you love me last night just some bullshit ploy to get into my pants?!” I jeered as he turned around staring down at me, straight faced.

“What if it was? Huh? What are you going to do Daphne?”

I squeezed my fists into tight balls digging my nails into my palms. “Nothing. I won’t do anything but be completely disappointed in myself for letting some asshole into my heart. There’s a reason I didn’t want to sleep with you and this is it.”

Billy bit down on his lip before sighing and reaching down for my hand. I stepped back crossing my arms over my chest, waiting for him to respond.

“I’m sorry,” he began stepping towards me, and sign of anger he had slowly leaving as his composure relaxed. “I meant everything I said to you, Daph.”

Billy reached out stroking my cheek, “I’m an asshole..and a bonehead and anything else you want to call me.”

I rolled my eyes lightly grabbing his wrists as his hands found their way to the back of my head.

“I love you” he muttered before closing the space between us and kissing me.

“Who lives here?” Billy asked as I pulled into a driveway of a bright blue house. Billy and I spent most of the afternoon waiting for the Camaro to be repaired. After, I followed Billy to his home where he dropped off his car and got into mine so we could go and eat.

“My father and his wife.” I growled turning to my back seat and digging through the mound of growing cloths, settling on a dress. I pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it in the back seat and replacing it with the dress. Billy just sat there staring at me wide eyed as I traded my doc martens with a pair of white flats.

“My father isn’t a big fan of how I dress,” I explained running my hands down the length of my dress. “He’s honestly not a big fan of anything that I do. Probably won’t like you either.” I muttered leaning over and buttoning two of his buttons.

Billy frowned, “Your mom likes me.”

I chuckled taking my hair down from the messy ponytail it was in. “Yeah well, my dad is an asshole. So we’re not going to stay very long.” I cringed looking at the front door, dreading the monster that was behind it.

We both sauntered inside, Billy following me to my room. “Wow… it’s so…”

“Boring,” I cut him off looking around at the bare walls of my room. “I don’t stay here often, so there's no point in making it homey- especially since my dad will sell my things he doesn't like or want me to have.”

Billy frowned as I shut the door behind us. “Don’t worry we won’t be here for long. Just have to show my face because it’s my birthday.”

I rose on my toes pecking Billy’s slips making him smile.

“Wanna make out?”

I pushed his shoulder playfully as he scooped me up bridal style, pressing his lips to mine.

I could hear the rumble of my father’s car from outside my window. “Uh.. Billy,” I mumbled with a shaky voice as hummed against my neck.

“I need you to get into my closet”

Billy looked down at me confused as I slide from underneath him.

“My dad is home. And you being here is something he won’t like” I dug through my bag grabbing my powder compact, patting down the area where Billy had left a hickey. I groaned at how red the mark had remained.

“Daphne! Are you here?!”

“Baby, he can’t be that bad.” Billy spoke plodding towards me.

I turned to him frowning “Billy, please. Just get in my closet and stay there.” I begged pushing him towards the doors.

I turned around grabbing a book of my bookshelf climbing on my bed and laying down opening it. “DAPHNE!” my father boomed busting into my room.

“Hiya, Daddy!”I beamed smiling up at him.

“You didn’t show up for the first day of work at the post. We had to hire Karen Wheeler’s bimbo daughter.” My father growled.

I closed my tattered copy of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath sitting beside me on the bed

“Daddy, I told you I was working at Wonder Palace for the summer.” I mused only to earn a grunt of disapproval from him.

I stood up giving him a small hug before sheepishly stepping back eyeing my closet to make sure Billy could not be seen.

“Can we please not do this right now? It’s my birthday, I came to eat dinner, not fight about my future.”

My father grabbed my arm pushing me hard against the wall. “I’m so sick of you running up and down the street with all the riff-raff you hang around.” I bit down on my lip, breathing heavily

“You haven’t even given them a chance, dad. They aren’t as bad as you think they are.”

“I told you about these people. Smoking marijuana and drinking at that rundown amusement park isn't a job, It’s about time that you grow up Daphne. You’re 19 years old now. Did you apply to the schools like I asked?”

I looked away seeing Billy looking at me with terror in his eyes from my closet. “No, I didn’t. Mom said that I-“ his hand smacked across my face as he grabbed a hold of my face pinching my cheeks hard.

“I don’t care what your mother has told you. You’re going to go to college. I didn’t raise a failure did I?” I averted my gaze as tears started to well up in my eyes.

“Dad- I just graduated. I want to take time off of-” His grasp tightened around my jaw, forcing me harder into the wall.

“DID I RAISE A FAILURE DAPHNE LOUISE?”

“No sir,”I said through gritted teeth breathing heavily.

“You didn’t raise me at all. Mom did, and she’s proud of me. She’s proud of the person I am and who I may become in the future.” He lifted his hand to hit me once again but Billy caught him by the wrist, staring angrily at my father.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” He bellowed pushing him away from me. I dropped to the floor finally letting the tears fall from my eyes. Billy stood in front my me guarding me from my father as he stormed back over to the both of us.

“You’re not going to amount to anything. Just like your whore of a mother.”

I stood up balling my hands into fists, “And you’re going to die sad and alone.” I growled as Billy remained in front of me.

“I’m not letting you near her.” He spoke harshly reaching back and placing his hand over mine, squeezing it in an attempt to show me I was safe.

“And who are you?” Dad challenged bowing his chest up to Billy.

“My name is Billy Hargrove, and I’m in love with your daughter. We work together at Wonder Palace.”

My father squeezed his eyes shut in frustration, a huge knot growing in the pit of my stomach. Billy squeezed my hand again as I stepped up to stand by his side rather than behind him.

“Really, Daphne? You bring this trash into my house when you know better not to? You let him do this shit to you?” My father pushed Billy roughly away making him fall into my small vanity grabbing my chin, hard, pushing my face away from him so he could get a better look at the marks Billy had left on my neck.

“You’re disgusting.” He barked squeezing my cheeks as Bill pushed him off of me winding back to punch my father in the face. “Hey,” I spoke softly grabbing on to Billy’s arm.

“Let’s just go.”

Billy looked between my father and I before giving me a small nod. I turned to my dad. “I’m never coming back here again.” I declared as Billy grabbed my hand pulling me out of my room and to the front door, my father not even protesting us leaving.

I grabbed the keys out of the pocket of my dress. Pushing them into the ignition reeving my car to life and pulling out of the driveway.

“Daph, please pull over let me drive.”

I Ignored him, pushing my foot down harder on the gas pedal as we zoomed down the street. “Daphne,” Billy reached over caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. I let out a shaky sigh as I pulled over on the side of the road, resting my head on the steering wheel, finally letting out a sob.

“Daphne,” Billy repeated as he started rubbing my back.

“My father treats me the same way.” Billy whispered. My head shot up looking over at him.

“That’s why you never want to go home, isn't it? It’s where, all of your bruises come from?” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand as Billy slumped back in the seat.

“Yeah. My dad expects a lot from me, and no matter what I do, it’s not good enough.”

“What about your mom?” I questioned.

“She left when I was young, and she didn't take me with her. But if she did, I'm pretty sure I would have ended up just like you.”

“Cute with a bad attitude? Oh wait…” I joked winking at him.

“I’m serious,Daphne.”

“Are you going to be ok?” Billy questioned he as pulled into his driveway.

“I have a friend that works at Star Court, I’m going to go and visit her.” I leaned over pressing a kiss to Billy’s cheek.

“Thank you for today.” I continued as he turned looking at me, placing a small kiss on my nose.

“Anytime Princess.” Billy climbed out of my Jeep and striding over to the passenger side, opening my door for me. I slid out of my seat, Billy placing his hands on either side of my hips.

“Can I come over tonight?” He murmured leaning down and pressing his lips to my neck.

“There’s a slice of ice cream cake with your name on it.” I gasped as I felt his teeth lightly graze my neck.

“Uck, can’t you slobber over your girls somewhere else?”

Billy grunted resting his head on my shoulder as I looked over at the small redhead standing in front of us.

“You’re Max!” I beamed pushing Billy away from me and stepping towards her. Billy made another grunt of disapproval as I stuck my hand out to his little sister.

“I’m Daphne, Billy’s girlfriend.” I chirped as she reluctantly shook my hand.

“Max.”

I looked down noticing the skateboard she held in her hand.

“I have the same one but mine is blue. Me and my friends always hit the skate park in Arbor Pines when we have time. Next time you should tag along, you can spend the night if you want to!”

Max looked between Billy and I lifting an eyebrow. “He wouldn’t be invited if that’s what you’re worried about.” I chuckled as Billy slumped against my Jeep. I turned and looked at him angrily.

“Don’t be rude William.” I smirked earning a laugh from Max as I turned back to her.

“I’m serious, I don’t have any younger siblings. I am always game for a skateboarding session and a sleep over!”

Max gave me a huge smile before trying to shrug off her obvious excitement.

“Sounds like fun,” She looked over from me to Billy, who was still throwing a fit that I was talking to his little sister. “Try not to be a jackass and mess things up. I like her.” She quipped before excusing herself and going inside.

“Daphne, why?” Billy groaned as I turned to face him.

“Because if we’re going to be together, I want to try and have a relationship with your family- the ones that matter any way. Did you see how I instantly won her approval because I acknowledged her existence?”

He huffed crossing his arms.

“Stop being such a grump. Or I’ll make you sleep on the couch tonight.”

Billy sighed in defeat. “Fine. Thank you for caring…..about my little sister.” He spoke through gritted teeth, faking a smile.

I skipped into Scoops Ahoy leaning on the counter as a string of cuss words came from the back room. I hit the bell a few times before a boy with fluffy hair strode out.

“Ahoy there! Are you ready to be a passenger on the SS Butterscotch? Let me help you and your taste buds to set sail! I’m Steve Harrington.” He exclaimed running his fingers in his hair smiling at me.

I lifted an eyebrow at him as Robin opened up the back window to watch the boy fail miserably at flirting with me.

“This is what you left us for, Buckley?” Her eyes lit up as she ran out to the front of the store pulling me into a huge hug.

“What are you doing here Daphne!?”

“I had to come to Hawkins to visit my father for my birthday.” I mumbled with an eye roll.

Robin cringed contorting her face up in disgust. “And how did that go?” She questioned as I leaned back on the wall next to the counter.

“The usual, him being an asshole and hitting me. But my boyfriend came between him and I and my dad kicked us out.”

Robin knew most of what happened at my father’s house, after things got bad and I wasn’t able to go back home to my mother, I would find solace and safety at the Buckley household. Away from my father and whatever he had been drinking that night.

An exasperated sigh came from the boy, Steve standing behind the counter. I turned to him giving a confused look.

“You okay over there?” I questioned making him wince a little.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that- it’s just of course you have a boyfriend, you’re too pretty not to have one.”

I laughed at Steve as he awkwardly averted his gaze from mine. “Thank You. You’re very pretty also.” I complemented.

“I’m Daphne Collins.” I added offering my hand to the boy for him to shake. He gladly shook my hand reintroducing himself as Robin took me to the back room for us to hang out.

We spent the rest of the day catching up and hanging out until it was time for her to help Steve start closing the store.

“I love you, Buckley.” I beamed giving the girl a hug before telling her and steve goodbye.

I wandered to the food court noticing a familiar tall blonde haired boy standing incredibly close to a tiny brunette, smiling down at her as he rubbed his hand against her cheek. I marched up behind him tapping him on the back of his shoulder. He grunted turning around

“I told you to go away Max!” the color in his face completely drained as he looked down at me.

“Billy who is this?” The girl spoke peeking from behind him as he stood there stifled

“Yeah Billy, who am I?” I crossed my arms as he regained his composure.

“She’s just one of the losers I work with. Are you stalking me?”

I didn't even resist punching him in the face, the blow threw him off balance. He turned looking at me holding his cheek in surprised. “You’re an asshole.” I seethed through gritted teeth. I looked at the girl still standing behind him.

“He’s not worth the heartbreak.”

I turned around seeing that most of the food court had their attention on us.

“The Show is over, assholes!” I yelled. Before making my way back to the parking lot and to my car.

Billy pointed his rescue float at me before bringing it to his mouth, using it as a makeshift microphone.

“TOO RA LOO RA TOO RA LOO RA AYE.” Billy sang as he started dancing like a complete dork running into a few people in the process. I stared at him as he started using his float as an air guitar.

“COME ON EILEEN, OH I SWEAR WHAT HE MEANS, AT THIS MOMENT YOU MEAN EVERYTHING!”

I rolled my eyes pushing my sunglasses up my nose as Billy made his way dancing towards me and the skeeball carnival game I was in charge of.

“You know you’re making a complete ass out of yourself in front of the entire park.” I scoffed crossing my arms.

Billy shimmied pointing his rescue float at me once again as he kept singing along to the rest of the song.

“Come on, Princess, you can’t stay mad at me forever.”

“You tell me that you love me, twice might I add, and then you turn around and you flirt with any girl that looks your way. Do I only exist to you when you’re not in Hawkins?” I sneered crossing my arms.

Billy frowned dropping his arms to his sides. “Come on Daph, it’s not like that- It’s just,” He paused, thinking of a way to say what he wanted without pissing me off more.

“You have an image to keep in Hawkins and if you’re seen with the weird stoner chick who likes girls as well as boys people will think less of you.” I blurted leaning back on my stool.

“Life isn’t a popularity contest Billy. If you really loved me than you wouldn’t actually care what people think. And that’s the difference between us, I don’t have to put on this front to get people to like me.” I sneered as Geoff strolled by doing a double take at both Billy and I.

“Everything ok, Daph?” He questioned looking between us.

“Do you mind covering for me? I don’t feel very good.” Geoff nodded eyeing Billy skeptically as I grabbed my things and made my way towards the front office.

The knot in my stomach only growing bigger, the more I thought about the past few days I had shared with Billy.

I stepped into Naldo’s office not even bothering to knock, making my way over to and sitting on the sofa he kept in the tiny room.

“What’s on your mind, Kid?” He questioned, turning his chair around and facing me.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Naldo smiled softly at me, out of our group of friends, him and I were the closest. He genuinely thought of me as his little sister and was probably the closest thing to a loving father figure I had.

“Hargrove, eh?” He stood up, taking a few steps over to the couch sitting next to me.

“I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate it, Naldo. It seems like every time me and him get close, he finds a way to mess things up. Is it me? Am I the issue here?”

I was never the type of girl to question why I got treated badly by who I dated, I would normally end things with the person and move on. But with Billy it was completely different. With Billy, it wasn’t just an infatuation that would only last for the summer. With Billy, I could easily see us together, with a family.

Before him, the only future I saw was me traveling alone finding a beach somewhere to call my home. But now, I wanted the same kind of future but I couldn’t picture it without him. And I hated that.

I hated how I let this complete mess of a boy blow through my entire being like a natural disaster, leaving a permanent imprint in his wake.

“Sometimes, people do really stupid things because they don’t know how to react to the way the person who they love, makes them feel. But Daph, I promise you, by the way Billy just looks at you, He’s in love.”

I frowned looking up from my hands at him, “what do you mean by that?” I questioned.

Naldo gave me a half smile. “When you’re not looking he looks at you like you’re his entire world.”

“Toot it and boot it.” Naldo mused as I pulled him into a hug.

I chuckled rubbing my nose on his shirt. He grimaced looking at the snot and tear stain on his shirt. “I love you, Daph.”

“I love you too, Naldo.”

“Daph, your bonehead is here!” My mom called as I stumbled out of the kitchen seeing Billy standing in the foyer next to her.

“I do not claim ownership to this bonehead you speak of.”

I grunted putting my hands on my hips.

“Can we talk? Please?” He begged, biting down on his lip, a noticeable bruise forming below his eye.

“Please tell me you ran into a wall and Geoff didn’t punch you in the face” I grumbled stepping up to him and taking his face in my hands, examining his eye.

I looked over at my mother who was still standing next to us. Eyeing me with a smile. “Billy will probably stay for dinner, so grab something extra.” I sighed reaching down and grabbing his hand.

Okay, Fabio. Let’s go.” I spoke pulling him to the kitchen as my mom called out her departure to the store. I sat Billy down sauntering over to our refrigerator grabbing a bag of peas wrapping it in a dish towel and handing it to him.

I grabbed his chin examining the dark purple that had formed around his entire left eye.

“I don’t think Geoff, Issac or Derek likes me very much.” He muttered earning a laugh from me.

“They get protective. We all do. All for one and one for all y’know.”

“I’m sorry,” Billy spoke sitting back in his chair as I took my place on one of the bar stools across from him.

“I just, I don’t know how to react to these feelings I have. It’s new and scary, and nobody has made me feel like you do.” He blurted averting his gaze from me.

“You being in love with me is no excuse for being an asshole. You can’t just treat me one way and then the next you laugh at me telling people I’m the weirdo you work with.”

He frowned chewing on the bottom of his lip. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Billy, you are an asshole. But you’re very lucky that I love you and that Naldo talked me into giving you another chance.”

A smile spread across his face as he stood up. “Really?”

He stepped towards me, sitting the bag of peas on the counter next to me before grabbing my face and pulling it to his. I pulled back shaking my head.

“You’re still in trouble, Fabio. You’re not winning me back that easily.”

He groaned dramatically placing his head on my shoulder.

“You’re an asshole.” I repeated making him look at me. I rubbed my thumb over the bruise that started forming under his eye.

“I’m going to make you wait until the end of summer,” I started as he closed his eyes from my touch.

“No making out on lunch, or cuddling in my bed. You can still spend the night, I’m not going to make you stay with your father. We’re friends. Just Friends. Until I say so.”

Billy looked down at me, tears brimming his eyes. “But you promise, that eventually you and I will have a future?” he questioned making me nod.

“I’m not ready to give you another chance as a boyfriend, Billy. But I do love you. I really really love you, so yes we will eventually have a future.”

Billy rested his head against mine. “For you, Daph, I’m willing to wait.”

The remaining months of summer flew by in a complete blur. Billy spent most nights over at my house or he stayed with one of the boy’s house floating around until he eventually stopped going back home all together.

The two of us fell into a comfortable routine of being together but not officially together. I was still withholding myself from him with only a few slip ups when the sexual tension between us got to be too much.

We’d lay in a mess of blankets and tangled limbs on those days, seemingly not letting each other go as we held onto one another. Eventually, I didn’t even bother protesting him sleeping in my bed with me. My absolute favorite time of the day was right before Billy woke up in the mornings.

He was so completely ...Soft when he was sleeping. And I completely loved it. His unruly blonde curls poking out of the quit we were under. Every morning he’d wake up, cuddling into my side. He’d mumble a good morning and a I love you before falling asleep again.

I was completely head over heels in love with this boy and had him wrapped around my finger. And the best part about it was that he didn’t care what people thought about him anymore. Spending the five summer months with me and my group of friends changed him for the better.

He had a group of guys that befriended him because they wanted to and not because they had something to gain in their social status.

He was loved and then in return learned how to love and let people in again. He finally had a family who accepted him, flaws and all.

I woke up next to Maggie, who was sprawled out on my bed, leaving little room for me to actually be comfortable.

We had an end of summer slumber party with Max and her friend El, both girls passed out on my pull out couch.

Max almost instantly took to me after our first meeting, when she wasn’t with her group of friends she was hanging out with me and Maggie. Sometimes all of her friends would pile into my truck, much to Billy’s dismay as we hauled the load of children to Naldo’s Palace.

The kids would spend the duration of mine and Billy’s shift running around the park, or they’d be picked up by Steve and taken back home.

“When did you get here?” I questioned hugging Billy from behind. He turned his head slightly peeking down at me.

“Right before your mom left for work. She told me that everyone was still asleep so I didn’t go into our room.”

“Our room?”

“Your room.” He chuckled correcting himself.

“It can be our room, if you want it to be. Y’know, stop bouncing between mine and the boy’s houses. Move here permanently?” I offered as he turned from the stove and the breakfast he was attempting to cook to pulling me into his arms.

“Moving in with you? That sounds so official.” He beamed leaning into me pressing a kiss to my lips.

I smiled into the kiss, “Guess that makes us official.”

“Have you seen Billy?” I asked Maggie as I took a look around to see if I could find him.

“I went to the bathroom and then ended up talking to Victoria Andrews for twenty minutes.”

Maggie nodded her head up to the top of The Serpent where I could see my boy. Smoking a cigarette.

“Why is he up there?”

Maggie shrugged, “I don’t know, but he mentioned if I ran into you to tell you to go up there.”

“...Okay?” I muttered reaching down grabbing two beers.

“Thanks Mags.” I beamed as I made my way to The Serpent.

Once I finally made it to the top, I sat next to Billy swinging my legs over the railing watching as the party boomed below.

“Whatcha doing up here?” I questioned handing him the can of beer I had grabbed for him..

“Just thinking.” Billy placed his arm around my shoulder pulling me closer to him, I instinctively leaned into him as he pressed a kiss to my head.

“About what?” I questioned reaching up to his hand that was around my shoulder, and intertwining our fingers.

“What I wanted out of life eight months ago compared to now.”

I gave him a confused look, waiting for him to continue whatever he was thinking about. “Eight months ago, my only plans were to work my ass off and save every penny I made so I could move back to California.Back to my home.”

I felt a tinge of pain pierced through my heart, I had the same plans for myself, but they fell through after we expectancy lost Tyler in a car accident that involved his car being hit by a drunk driver.

All of us were completely devastated at the lost of our pseudo big brother and one of our closest friends.

I just assumed that after Wonder Palace closed for the season that Billy still had plans to leave and go back to California, even when I made it clear I was staying in Arbor Pines.

After Tyler passed, we learned that he had left the entire theme park to the five of us, and of course we almost instantly took the offer to make sure that Naldo’s spirit lived on in his theme park he had loved so much.

“But now?”

He smiled looking away from me, as some of his curls fell into his eyes. Billy took his arm from around me stuffing his hand in the pocket of his jacket pulling out a small velvet box. He opened it exposing a beautiful diamond ring.

“Now, my home is here with you. And I can’t picturing being anywhere else but where I am right now. I love you, Daphne, and I know we both are young but when you know, you know. Will you marry me?”

I could feel a fire spread inside of me. The butterflies that had made a home in my stomach from the moment I had met the boy in front of me trying to burst out of my body.

I looked down at the box Billy held- his hand trembling waiting for me to answer the question he had just asked. I looked up at him giving a soft smile.

“I thought you wanted no attachments working here.” I joked earning an eye roll from him, completely killing the serious mood Billy had tried to set.

“I didn’t plan on having any attachments, until I fell in love with an absolute pain in my ass. Now answer the question before I change my mind.”

“Well at least I a cute pain in the ass.” I fell into a fit of giggles as Billy glared down at me, waiting for me to answer the question he already knew the answer to.

“Of course I’ll marry you, Billy.” I finally replied feeling my cheeks grow warm as a smile spread across his face. Billy slipped the small ring on my finger placing a kiss on my hand before pressing his lips to mine.

“Where did you get this, B? It’s beautiful.” I lifted my hand up looking at my engagement ring, wiggling my fingers out in front of me.

“I used all of my graduation money from my relatives I have never met and all the money I have saved from working here.”

Billy placed his arm back around me, as we fell into the same comfortable position we sat in when we were together. We sat up in the tower of the slide where we shared our first shift together until we decided to go to rejoin the party that was growing below.

“Daph, did you say yes!?” Issac beamed as everyone ran up to us.

“They knew?!” I sputtered turning to look at Billy with wide eyes. “You actually told these idiots you were proposing and trusted them to keep it a secret from me?”

“Of course I told them, Daph. They’re our best friends. I needed their approval.” Billy chuckled pulling me into his side.

“Wait, So you’re staying here?” I questioned making Billy nod.

“I just told you that I spent all of the money I saved for Cali on your ring. And I just proposed to you so why the hell would I go back to Cali when you and our friends live here?” Billy snorted

“I mean, I guess you're right.” I admitted, slightly embarrassed at the stupid question I had just asked.

“I’ve learned that home isn’t just a place, it’s also the people you surround yourself with. Home for me isn’t in Cali anymore. It’s right here with all of you, right here with the absolute love of my life.” Billy spoke, a small smile growing on his face as Maggie and the boys attacked both of us in a group hug.

Billy was completely right, home wasn't just a place, it was the people that you surround yourself with, the ones that when you felt completely alone, they would be there to catch you when you were falling and remind you that you weren’t alone.

And with us, Billy never had to worry about feeling alone again. He had us, and we had him. And all of us had Reynolds’ Wonder Palace.

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