#but I’ve been reading a lot of gifs LOL and I have a new fav

[rozicheeks]

Your newest snap audio story made me cum so fast, your stories always do. Do pay her for snap, you won't regret it for a second. Best money ever spent, you guys.

[citrusrei]

In Every Lifetime.

Joel Miller x Reader MDNI 18+ Summary You fell for a man before the world went to hell. Nearly 20 years later, he’s there again in a different lifetime. Genre: a lil angst if you look at it right, Smut, fluff TLOU!Universe Word Count: 10.7k Warnings: Post-Outbreak!Joel, aggressive situations, a couple of hasslers, smut (piv ~unprotected~, fingering, hand jobs, creampies (again), slight breeding kink maybe? vocal dirty joel, mutual masturbation), age gap (14 years, joel is older duhh) lots of good Ol’ soft Joel, slightly possessive joel (again cause i love him), insecure joel :( happy ending cause my heart couldn’t take a sad one  *please imagine whichever Joel you’d like whether it’s pedro’s or videogame joel cause I pictured both at certain points.*

AN: This is truly one of my fav things I’ve ever written lol Joel is so babygirl in it i’m crine. also this can be read as a one shot if u haven’t read the first one~ (but read the first one hehe)

pt. 1 

listen to these as you read~

Life after the apocalypse was nothing anyone could have anticipated. Before the outbreak, you’d seen countless movies about zombies or the undead, or infected. But this was different. It wasn’t a virus, or a bio-weapon used to control the population. A fungus. A fungus that just so happened to mutate and create this global panic. 

The night it happened you were with a friend of yours testing out a new club downtown. Everything was great. The drinks were cheap and tasty, the music was amazing, the vibe was just immaculate. You and your friend Holly danced, drank, and sang the night away. A little before 11:00pm is when things got strange. The music changed, slower now. Holly asked if you wanted another drink to which you declined, but followed her to the bar anyways.

“Another sex on the beach please!” she urged.

“You’re addicted to those, ya know?” You laughed, shaking your head.

She laughed with you, “I am not! They’re just so delicious I can’t help myself.”

As the bartender handed Holly her drink, you sent Joel a quick text asking him how his birthday was. You’d been taking things slow since the night you and him finally hooked up. He had admitted his feelings for you and you were right there with him. The both of you decided to give each other a shot. You had wanted to see him today but he had told you he was working a double and wouldn’t be home until late so you had planned something with him later in the week.  

- 10:45pm Joel <3: Got home a couple hours ago. Sarah wanted to watch a movie and knocked out. Lil girl can’t run with the big dogs.

- 10:45pm Me: lol hopefully she got to see at least a bit of it! Holly dragged me to this club tonight and I’m kind of over it. Would rather be in bed with you rn 😉

- 10:46pm Joel <3: You got no idea how much I'd like that bout now darlin. You got me all weekend.

- 10:46pm Me: You better promise me that, Joel Miller!

- 10:46pm Joel <3: Promise.  

- 10:49pm Joel <3: Tommy just called me. He’s in the county jail. I gotta go get him... text you in a bit.

- 10:51pm Me: You’re kidding...... jesus Tommy. But ok. Text me once you get him. Talk soon <3

You slid your phone into your bra and sighed, not surprised that Tommy found himself in a predicament like that. He was so headstrong and stubborn. You wondered what had happened to him. 

“Everything okay?” Holly asked. You nodded but still you were unsure. Your eyes floated to a couple on the dance floor as your eyebrows knitted together. The woman began to twitch, her limbs snapping in different, odd directions. It continued a moment. People around her began to notice and step away, creating a circle around her. The man she was with held on to her as an attempt to keep her steady. She fell to the ground, her body still moving slightly. As this happened, the man pulled his cellphone out, most likely trying to call 911. In the blink of an eye, she rose to her feet, jumping on to the man in front of her and sinking her teeth into his neck. It physically startled you as you latched onto Holly’s arm. “We need to leave.” You said, eyes never leaving the woman, the crowd now starting to panic. People dispersed in a matter of moments. You could see someone trying to pry the woman off the man who laid what looked to be lifeless on the ground. That person suffered the same fate. She was on him in an instant.

Holly looked around and realized what was going on before pushing you towards the door. Once outside, everyone was scrambling. And not just people from the club but the man across the street, locking his bail bond business up or people fleeing from a nearby diner a few doors down. It was mania. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you looked around a moment, not exactly sure where to go or what to do.  

C’mon, ___! We gotta get to my car!” You followed Holly down the street to where she had her car parked when suddenly a horde of people ran by, being chased by what seemed to be someone covered in blood. Mucous and viscera gargled from his mouth as the sounds echoed through the street. The man dove to an older woman in front of him and began his attack. Holly screamed at the event which cause the man to turn his attention to her. He swung his arm out for her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her forward. You leapt into action, grabbing her body and pulling her back to you with such force, you could feel her back pop.

“Come on, run!” You screamed. The two of you sprinted to her car, not even minding the fact that both your heels had broken off in the process. She started the ignition and sped off, driving anywhere besides here.    

“What the fuck is happening?!” She yelled, checking her rearview mirror to make sure no one was following.

“I’m not sure. I need to call Joel.” You pulled your phone out and dialed his number, but it went straight to voicemail. “Fuck!” You called a few more people, Tommy, your mom, your sister. No one answered.  

“I gotta get home, ___. My-My son... I left him with the babysitter.” Holly cried, tears flowing now as she thought of all the possibilities of what could be happening to her child.

“Okay- It’s okay. We’ll go get him.”      

You and Holly sped to her home, not minding the speed limit as literally no one was. You both got to her house without a hitch, thankfully. However, upon arriving you noticed the door was wide open. Holly’s eyes widened.

“Stay here. I’m going to go in.” She breathed, shaking so bad she could barely unbuckle her seatbelt.

You nodded, checking your phone again and seeing you had a missed call from Tommy. You called him back immediately. It rang once, “Tommy! Hello? Can you hear me?”

“___! I can hear you but barely.” He was staticky. The call was barely hanging on. “Where are you? Are you safe?”

Tears began to prick your eyes as he spoke, his voice comforting you. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m with Holly. We’re getting her son. What is happening? Are you with Joel? Is Sarah okay?”

Tommy sighed, “I’m not sure. It’s a mad house. Av-oid downtown bu-t drive west. We’re over that w-ay. I was with Joel and Sarah b-ut I got sep-arate-d. Meet us p-ast the theater o-n the west side, okay? I got to g-” Suddenly the call dropped, showing no signal. At the same time Holly ran out with her son RJ in her arms. She set him in the back seat and jumped into hers, her tires squealing as she backed out of her drive way. Just as she pulled out, the babysitter came running out of her front door, growling animalistically. Your eyes flashed from her to RJ, checking for any wounds which you found none. He was bawling, completely terrified.   

“Hey, Tommy said drive to the west side past the theater and we can meet them there!” You said, climbing into the back seat to comfort RJ. You cradled the 2-year-old and hushed his sobs. He clung to you for dear life as you rocked him back and forth. You drove just outside of Austin, avoiding the mobs of people. Many people had the same idea as you but the flow of traffic stayed decent, only stopping every so often. The three of you rode in silence until a blockade came into view. It looked like the military was stopping people and directing them east. The exact opposite of where you needed to go. As Holly pulled up to the officers, they signaled her to roll her window down.

“How many in the car?” he asked, shining his flashlight in the vehicle.

“Just us three.” She answered.

He nodded, typing something on a tablet he held, “Okay, head east 15 minutes from here. There’s a larger Military presence over there and they’re taking survivors. I’ll add 2 women and a child to the list so they know you are coming.”

“No-No, we need to head west! We have people we need to meet!” You said quickly. The officer scowled and shined his light back to you and RJ who had calmed down into sniffles.

“Sorry ma’am but you can only go east. West side of Austin is under lockdown and no one can leave or enter. You go east.” He finished, walking to the car behind us.

You set RJ down next to you, buckling him in before returning to the front seat. “We need to find Joel and Tommy. We can’t go East.”

Holly shook her head, turning her tear-soaked cheeks to you. “No, we’re going east. I have RJ to think of, ___. If Joel and Tommy are smart, they’re already there waiting for you.” You sighed, defeatedly. She was right. The Miller brothers were very resourceful. It was a possibility. Maybe they were already at the safe zone. Same with your family. You nodded, your heart twisting in your chest as you agreed with her and then you were off.

It was a 15-minute drive but you could see the lights and helicopters before you even got there. It was massive and there were hundreds of people and tents popped up everywhere. It would be forever before you found anyone. The officers let you all in, setting you and Holly into a medical tent with a few other people. RJ slept in his mother's arms as the Doctors and Soldiers came in and out of each tent. Your leg bounced with anxiety. You glanced around the tent and around the area in general. People sobbed and cried and yelled, asking where their loved ones were, or what was going on, and saying they wanted to go home. You couldn’t help but to agree. You wanted nothing more than to go home and go to sleep and wake up and have this all be dream. 

Some time passed before the fedra soldiers came back with water and blankets. They said they were transporting people to quarantine zones as soon as possible. You wanted to fight back and say you had people to find, but everyone was saying that. So you sat and obliged.  

Finally, the doctors made their way into your tent, checking on the other habitants first. They did a full body check on the young girl sitting on the cot. She was clean. Next was the mother, she didn’t speak any English. She cried to the doctor, “Por favor, doctor. No estoy enfermo. Quiero irme a la casa.” The doctor just looked at her, checking her body over anyways. She cried and cried and your heart broke for her. It made you sick. You wanted to go home too, desperately. You wanted your mom or your sister. Or Joel. The doctor finished his search and nodded to the soldier. The soldier came over to the woman and dragged her away. Her daughter screamed on the cot as they subdued her. You couldn’t look anymore, it hurt too much. You averted your gaze back to Holly and RJ who was awake now, rambling in her arms. She raised her hand to wipe the hair out of his eyes, and that’s when you saw it. Your eyes widened as you noticed the three scratch marks on her wrist.

         Present Day.                                                                                                    It was fall now. Mid-October. The cold decided to make an early appearance and you were thankful for the older couple you’d stumbled upon a few weeks ago. They’d stocked you up with a good amount of food and a thick winter coat. The old man had been saying it was going to be a Winter with a sharp bite and offered you the jacket. Who were you to deny an old man and his wisdom? They let you stay there a couple days. Maybe they had been too trusting. You could have easily killed them while they slept a few doors down from you. You’d even thought about it. They had plenty of food and a barn with a couple cows and chickens. You could just take it if you had really wanted to. You hated that those were thoughts you had. They were showing you such kindness and trust, hell, the older woman even baked you a pie. A fresh baked pie?! It had been probably 20 years since you’d had one of those.

The course of the last 20 years moved in a blur. From you being split from anyone you’d known and sent to a QZ in Illinois, to that said QZ being destroyed by fireflies only 5 years of being there. You’ve had to do horrible, heinous things to survive; which you hated yourself for. You searched and searched for anyone familiar. Someone you’d gone to school with, babysat, or maybe a neighbor. Anyone. And that never happened.

As you scrambled for a place to find shelter, dark storm clouds rolled in, bringing a late fall storm. The trees all shades of burnt sienna and burgundy as their leaves fell to the ground, leaving the smell of their decay lingering in the air. It was a comfort to you. You’d always been a fall type of person and being out here in Wyoming, it was almost magical. You adored the whip of the wind across your skin as the air became colder, a few drops of rain kissing your cheeks. In the distance, you could see a small shack, clearly (hopefully) abandoned. You trudged on forth, minding the ache in your knees. You’d been walking for a while now, and you definitely weren’t 22 anymore.  

As the shack came into a better view, the rain began falling harder. You picked up speed, not wanting to be completely soaked and thankfully mother nature allowed you to reach your destination before it really pelted down. Once inside you looked around and no surprise, it was empty. It was a small, dusty home. Only having a living area, kitchen and bathroom with a bedroom off to the side. You sat your backpack and rifle on the couch as you sat next to it, reclining and stretching into the cushion. You were so comfortable as you listened to the rain patter against the roof. The room was dark and cold, you couldn’t help but close your eyes and drift off for a bit.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but when you woke up it was still raining. You stretched, shaking off any remaining drowsiness but when you went to reach for your backpack a gun cocked at the back of your head. You froze, raising your hands in compliance.

“Stay fucking still.” The voice said. You blinked, annoyed with yourself that you let your guard down. “Don’t plan on going anywhere.” You retorted.

You sat there a few moments before another voice spoke, “Hey, kid! What are you doing?” The gun’s nozzle stayed firmly planted against your skull, “She was in here asleep! I was getting the upper hand!” The other person came up to your assailant and pushed the gun away before stepping in front of you, hand at her gun on her hip.

“Who are you?” She asked. She was average height, darker skin tone and had these beautiful braids in her hair. She seemed a bit younger than you but had to have been in her mid to late thirties.

“Doesn’t matter, I’m just passing by.” You sighed, not really in the mood for an interrogation. I mean, you’d just woken up.

“Why are you in the area?” she asked, probing further. The other person, a young girl, went to stand next to her, eyes locked tightly onto you. Did you really come off as that threatening? The girl had to have been 13-14 no older than that. Maybe 15. You couldn’t really tell.  

“I told you. Just passing by.”  

“Maria, she doesn’t really look like much of a threat...” The younger girl hushed. The older woman, now known as Maria, sighed. “What’s your name?”  

“If I tell you, will you let me leave?” You asked, your annoyance increasing.

“It’s pouring still. You want to leave in the middle of a storm?” The younger one remarked.

You sighed, “It’s ___. My name is ___. I don’t have any intention of hurting or robbing or killing any of you. Just needed a place to stay while it rained. Is this your place? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Maria shook her head. “No, it’s not. We were out on a hunt and it started pouring. Saw this place and had the same idea as you, I suppose.” Maria relaxed, removing her hand from her hip and settling down on a chair opposite from you. “I’m Maria. This is Ellie.”  

Ellie scoffed, “Maria! We could have used fake names!” You smiled softly, loving the kick-back. Maria just shrugged, relaxing further into her chair. “Where you from, ___?”  

Your eyebrow quirked as you thought of an answer, “Good question. Kind of everywhere. Midwest originally. Stayed in the Chicago QZ after the outbreak. Didn’t last long. Been traveling since.” Which was mostly true. You were in Texas of course for a while, and there had been groups you stayed with since the QZ fell, but none of them worked out in the end.

“Why Wyoming now?” She pondered.

“Well, just kind of found myself here. Was with a few people and that ended. Now? Well...”

“What happened to them?” Ellie asked.

“Doesn’t matter. Looks like the rain is letting up. Am I free to go?”  

Maria sighed as she hesitated for a moment. Ellie watched her intently not quite sure where she was going. After some time, Maria spoke. “Alright. You can go if you’d like. Want to follow us though? We have a town a bit north from here. Could set you up a place to stay for a few nights, get you some food, a shower...?”

“A shower?” You asked incredulously. It’d been so long since you’d had a proper bath and you knew you needed one desperately.

She chuckled, nodding.  

“A hot shower too!” Ellie chimed in.

You hesitated a moment, weighing your options. One, you could go and have an amazing shower and meal and sleep in a safe place... maybe even on a bed. Or two, it was a trap and they were going to sell you off or maybe even kill you and cook you. If it were the latter, they probably would have killed you by now, so you decided. Fuck it.

“You have a deal.”

You followed Maria and Ellie a few miles until a rather large town came into view. You could see the area had power as the sun had begun to set. Lights twinkled throughout the homes and your heart almost got caught in your throat. “You guys have electricity?”  

Maria nodded, “Yep. We have a dam nearby that give us power and stuff.”

You all walked a bit more before finally reaching the town. It was massive considering things. As you approached the guarded gate, you could hear people chattering and kids laughing. What were you about to get yourself into?  

Maria raised her hand at the guard who stood at his post, signaling for them to open the gate. As they did, a man rushed to Maria’s side pulling her into a tight hug. You didn’t pay much attention to it as you peered into the town, eyes wide.

“Where have you been? It’s been hours! I was worried sick!” He spoke. Maria rolled her eyes, “I don’t know if you knew this but it was raining cats and dogs about an hour ago? Ellie and I found a little shack and waited it out. We found her too.” She said, pointing towards you.

Your attention was brought back to Maria and as you looked to the man in front of her, your eyes widened even further. His face matched yours as you both stared at each other.

“T-Tommy...? No fucking way.” You stood there like you’d seen a ghost. Tears pricked your eyes and you blinked them away immediately, scared that if you looked away, he’d disappear. Tommy rushed to you, pulling you into a tight hug, squeezing the air out of your lungs. You clung back to him, letting the tears fall freely.  

“___… I can’t believe it.” He breathed into the side of your head, bringing his hand up to your hair.

“I’m guessing you know each other?” Ellie asked.

The two of you embraced a moment longer before he let go of you, keeping you at arm's length. “What... where... I can’t even formulate a sentence right now.” He said, tears of his own stinging the corners of his eyes. You laughed, biting back more tears that dared to spill, “I’m in the same boat, Miller. It’s been so long.”

Your heart was pounding as you reunited with your former friend, just stuck in a  state of shock that after all these years, you’d run into someone like Tommy Miller. What are the odds?

“This your place, Tommy?”

He nodded, “Yeah, Maria and I oversee things for the most part. Come on, let’s get some food in ya.”

You followed Tommy, Maria, and Ellie through the town until you reached the mess hall in the middle of it. As you walked through the streets, people greeted Tommy and Maria. They were doing their duties or relaxed on their porches, enjoying their space. Enjoying their life. Their guards totally let down. It was a sight to see. Children played with each other, splashing in the fresh rain puddles and chasing each other down in a game of tag. It was almost unreal.

The four of you entered the mess hall, the smell of fresh cooked food entering your nostrils. You’d been living off canned beans and peas for the past few weeks so your stomach was instantly rumbling. Tommy sat you at a table while he went and grabbed you a bowl of chili and bread. You could have cried as you ate your first bite; it was hot and fresh. “Is it good?” he laughed. All you could do was nod, stuffing your mouth with another spoonful.

After you ate, Tommy and you caught up to date as best as you could. Ellie and Maria had wandered off somewhere else leaving the two of you to yourselves. “So, you and Maria?” Tommy smiled, “Yeah. Couple years now. Even married her.”  

Your eyes widened, smiling at your longtime friend, “No shit! Wow, who would have thought Tommy Miller to be married.”  

He laughed, “Yeah, yeah. Such a shock, is it now?” You just laughed back, looking down at your empty bowl.

“What about you? Anyone special over the years?”  

You rolled your eyes jokingly, “Maybe a few here and there. Nothing serious though.”

“Don’t know why. You’re still a looker.” He poked.

“There’s the Tommy I know and love.” You grinned, pushing his shoulder playfully, “Not everyone has the luxury of living in a town like this one and meeting the love of their life.”  

Tommy leaned back in his chair, agreeing with you. “Well, maybe it’s sudden but you know how I am. You know you have a place here with us. We’ll set you up with a lil’ house. Get you on the board for some jobs. Wasn’t a doubt in my mind when I seen you out there that I was gonna let you leave again.”

“You gonna hold me hostage, Tommy?” You laughed.

“Might have to.”

You’d be a fool to pass it up, you knew it. But you were nervous. How could you adjust to a life of ‘normalcy’ after being essentially feral for so many years.

“Mind if I think on it a bit?” Tommy shook his head, “Take all the time you need. In the meantime, I got someone you might want to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted together in thought. Who could he have been talking about? And then it hit you. In the excitement of everything that had been happening in the last couple of hours, you hadn’t even considered the idea that Joel could be there. Your heart started pounding in your chest again, butterflies swarming in your stomach as the thought of seeing him entered your mind. You’d convinced yourself that he’d died years ago. That both him and Tommy had died and Tommy was in fact here before you. It’s been 20 years and the idea of seeing Joel Miller still sent you spiraling. “He isn’t…” you began. Tommy smiled at you as he radioed someone over the talkie, “Anyone got eyes on Joel?”  

Your heart hammered so hard Tommy could probably hear it. He had to have been pulling your leg. You started becoming self-conscious. You hadn’t showered in weeks, you were grimy, you had aged. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself because when was the last time you’d had to worry about that?

“He just got in from patrol, you need him?” A man said on the other side of the radio.

“Yeah, send him to the mess. Got someone he needs to see.”

“Roger that.”

Tommy made small talk while you both waited for Joel to arrive. You couldn’t process anything though. You were suddenly so nervous. How was he going to react? Would he be just so happy and cry? Yeah right, that was so anti-Joel it was laughable. Would he just be nonchalant? Like, wow. Been a while. Nice to see you. You couldn’t even predict it. Tommy could sense you were anxious and placed a hand on your shoulder to calm you down. “Hey… it’s Joel. You know him. No need to be nervous.”

He was right. You did know him. But the keyword was did. You knew him 20 years ago. You’ve changed since then so of course he’s changed as well. What if he didn’t even remember you? God, you’d be so embarrassed. “Y-You’re right. I’m just in my head I guess.”

“Well get out of it. I think you’ll be surprised. Want a drink?” He offered.

“God, yes. What do you have?”

“Well,” he began “probably don’t got those fruity little drinks you used to like but I can sure get you a glass of whiskey.”

You laughed, exhaling a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, “Okay. Whatever you got.”

Tommy returned with the drink quickly. You downed it as soon as it hit the table, the whiskey burned the back of your throat and chest as it went down.

“Still can’t shoot whiskey, huh?” Tommy teased. Your face scrunched up into a look of disgust, “Fuck, guess not. That’s awful.”  

Tommy opened his mouth to say something but was distracted by the mess doors opening. There he was. Joel Miller in all his glory. Tommy walked up to the man, patting him on the back before striking up a conversation. You were out of earshot so you couldn’t hear anything but you weren’t sure you wanted to. If you were anxious before, you didn’t even know what to call how you felt right now. You felt like you could throw up on the spot, but maybe that was the whiskey talking. He was the same. A bit aged, but still Joel. His hair was grayer, bit longer too. Still scraggly, but it’s always suited him. Maybe he was a bit more muscular but you couldn’t exactly tell cause of all the layers he had on. You stirred in your seat as your heartbeat went a thousand miles per minute. He was here, and he was alive.

Tommy led Joel over to the bar and poured him a glass of amber liquid, maybe in a way to prepare him. Joel took a sip, not noticing that his brother had signaled you over. You stood from your chair, stomach in your ass as you made your way over to them. Nothing could prepare you for this. You had half a mind to run out and never look back. But your heart yearned for him, even if it were just to be in his presence, even just to say ‘Hi’.  

You reached both men, standing at the chair behind Joel who had his back facing you.  

After a moment of you trying to talk yourself up, you spoke. “I’ll have another one, Tommy.” You said, sliding your glass over to him. Joel turned around, finally aware of your presence. His eyes scanned up your body until they met your face.  

A chill ran up Joel’s spine as he heard a voice ask for another drink. It was a voice he knew all too well. One he hadn’t heard in 20 years, besides in his dreams. His eyes met yours for a moment, until you turned away under his gaze. No words were said and honestly you didn’t feel like they needed to be. He stood from his chair and faced you fully, eyes shimmering behind the tired look on his face. Almost like he was renewed.  

“Hi, Joel.” You managed to get out, your words finally finding you again. Confidence found you too as you looked the man in the eye. He sputtered a moment, not quite sure what to say before he decided nothing was best. He wrapped his big arms around your frame, pulling you in for a hug that was even tighter than Tommy��s. You hugged back, gripping to the back of his flannel. He smelled the same with just a hint of something new. That warm, musky Joel smell that reminded you of cedar and whiskey with the added sent of pine. You could have gotten drunk off it. Not in a million lifetimes could you have imagined the day would come where you were reunited with him. You had to have been dreaming. More tears spilled and you cursed yourself, tired of all the waterworks.

Joel held on to you for what seemed like an eternity. You didn’t mind at all. In fact, you welcomed it. It’d been too long since you’d been touched in general you hadn’t realized how much you’d been craving something like this, let alone from him.

“I’ll give the two of you a moment.” Tommy said, knocking on the bar and walking over to Ellie who was coincidentally walking up to you all and pulling her away with him, “Oh c’mon, Tommy!” She yelped.

Joel finally pulled away, but still keeping you at bay, “I don’t... I don’t understand. Where did you come from?” He was breathless. He kept thinking it was a dream, you being here. He didn’t want to wake up.

“Well, that’s a long story,” You laughed, “Most recently from Colorado. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t even know how we’re both here to be honest.”

Joel smiled down to you, his grip tightening, “It’s kind of unreal, right? I kind of.... thought-”

“That I died? Trust me, when I saw Tommy, it was like I’d seen a ghost.” You recalled, eyes softening as it really hit you that Joel was here in front of you. Unchanged, just slightly grayer.

“I-I looked for you... For years. I kind of went mad about it for a while. So much happened that night.” His face twisting into a look of discomfort as he remembered the night things started.  

The two of you sat and spoke for hours, catching up on everything. Joel told you about Sarah and how Tommy stopped that soldier. You cried when he spoke about her; he teared up too. You told him about Holly and how she’d been taken that night. How you looked after RJ until he got sick one winter when he was 8. He didn’t make it either. He told you about the Boston QZ and people he’d met along the way. How he met Ellie and how that went down. You did the same. A lot was similar in the way you lost people, and a lot was different. 

At some point during the conversation, Joel reached over the table and took your hands into his. You couldn’t even imagine pulling them away. By the time you caught each other up to speed, the clock above the mess door said it was nearly one in the morning. At this point, it was only you and Joel in the room. It was so strange to you how 20, almost 21 years had passed and it was like you’d talked to him yesterday. You both fell so naturally in line with each other, you had no idea why you were so nervous to begin with. The two of you sat in silence while Joel rubbed circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. You hadn’t felt this kind of comfort in so long, you didn’t want it to end.

Suddenly, the doors burst open to reveal an irritated Ellie and an exasperated Tommy. “Joel, you have all day tomorrow to catch up. You promised me you’d teach me that dumb song on your guitar.” she said, throwing her body down on the chair next to Joel.  

“I’m sorry, we tried everything in our power to keep her entertained. You know how she is about her Joel.” Tommy joked, pushing Ellie’s head forward slightly.

Ellie scoffed, “Yeah, right. This old man? I’m just making sure he makes good of his promise.”  

“You know I always do. But, she’s right. It is gettin' late. I’m sure you gotta be tired.” Joel said, looking over at you. You nodded, finally paying attention to how exhausted your body was.

“Yeah, I am. I’ll give you Joel back, Ellie.” You said smiling to her, “Tommy, you said you got a place I can stay a while?” He nodded, beckoning you with his hand to follow him. You went to follow him but not before Joel grabbed your wrist, stopping you from going any further.

“Promise we’ll talk tomorrow?” His eyes searching yours for something you weren’t sure of.

“’Course. I’m not going anywhere.” Your answer seemed to satisfy him as he gently let go of your wrist and stood. “Alright.”

The next few days flew by. You’d gotten cozy in your tiny home. Which really wasn’t so tiny. Two bedrooms, a working bathroom and kitchen. You could have died there you loved it so much. Tommy had taken you to the pantry to get some essentials stocked up in your house. They gave you a few days to settle in before getting your answer on if you’d be staying long term. Which, of course you were. You saw Joel and Ellie every day. She was always in tow behind him which you thought was the cutest thing ever. She’d been growing on you and you hoped you were growing on her as well. She acted tough at first, almost like she wasn’t interested in getting to know you, which Joel told you she’d come around. You really hoped for that. And you succeeded. 

It seemed like Joel made up any excuse to see you throughout the day. Literally the most mundane things, and there he was. Knocking on that red front door of yours.

“Tommy told me the sink has been leaking. Figured I’d come take a look at it.”

“Actually, the sink has been doing just fine.”

“Oh, well. Maybe I should take a look anyways.”

Or, “I made an extra sandwich. PB&J. Ellie said she didn’t want it. I figured we could have lunch together.”

“Oh, I actually just made some eggs. Also, aren’t you on patrol today?” He pouted, “Oh, yeah. I have a lunch break though. It’s alright if you don’t want it. Jus’ thought I’d ask.”

“... a peanut butter and jelly sandwich sounds pretty good right now.”

And even, “Hey, Maria said they’re playing that one movie you liked at town hall tonight. The one with the green guy and the donkey?”

“Shrek?”

“Uh, yeah. I think so. Want to go watch it me? Or, uh... I mean, Ellie and I?”

“Sure, Joel. I’d love to.”

It was so funny to you. But you loved it. It was so in character for him to beat around the bush or to just make the little excuses to see you or hang out with you without just plain saying “Let’s do something.” You’d come to realize Joel really hadn’t changed much at all in the decades you’d been apart from him. At least, in the ways he’d been showing you. You also realized maybe you hadn’t changed much either over the years. You found yourself falling into ‘normalcy’ easily. You lived for the moments where Ellie would come over and ask you to have dinner with them. Or the little excuses Joel made up to see you. It filled your heart in ways you weren’t even aware of. You were excited to wake up each day, knowing you were with people. Maybe even your people.  

Days turned into weeks and you’d even been assigned work at the preschool during the day. Sometimes you’d take shifts at the mess halls bar, serving drinks to the men and women in the town. You figured it was a good way to make friends. Joel and Ellie always sat at a table near the bar when you'd work with the excuse of keeping you company. Not that you minded, at all.  

One night, a few months after settling in Jackson, you called Ellie over to the bar, “Hey, come here. Wanna teach you something.” Ellie pointed to herself making sure you were talking to her to which you nodded, smiling to her.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“Wanna learn how to make a drink?” You offered. Ellie’s eyes lit up and she agreed eagerly, “Um, yeah, duh! What drink?”

“Well, let’s see what we got. Not much to work with but here,” You said handing her the glass, “Put some ice in it, and fill it up to here with this.”

You handed Ellie the bottle of bourbon on the shelf behind you. She opened the bottle and filled the glass halfway, eyeballing it to exactly where you had pointed. “Hmm, how about we top it off with this?” It was an almost empty bottle of ginger ale. She followed your instructions, filling the glass to the brim. “Okay, now take this spoon, put it at the top of the cup and slam it to the bottom.”  

Ellie looked at you with her eyebrows quirked, “Slam it? But why?”  

You laughed, “Just do it. Trust me.”

Ellie tilted her head, unsure, but did it anyways. She slammed the spoon down, causing the glass to fizz up, nearly spilling over the edge. “Oh shit... Can I drink it now?”  She asked eagerly.  

You laughed again, now tilting your head as you thought a moment, “Well, not too sure about that one, Ellie. Why don’t you go ask your dad?”

Ellie grabbed the glass and carefully walked over to the table Joel was sitting at. You watched from a distance as she asked the older man if she could drink her creation. Joel looked over to you and gave you that look, you mouthed a sorry and stifled a giggle. “Not today, kiddo. Try again when you’re older.”

“Oh, c’mon, Joelllll. I can’t even have a sip?” She whined. It was endearing.

You watched as the two of them went back and forth, arguing over the drink and who was going to drink it. You smiled to yourself. The moment felt so... domestic. You didn’t know what to think of it. But by the way your heartbeat picked up, you figured you might have liked it.

You were cleaning glasses and organizing the liquor when a couple of men sat at the bar, and removed the hats off their heads. “Back from a late patrol, boys?” You asked, placing cups in front of them and pouring some whiskey into it.

“Yes, ma’am. Not much out there when it’s ‘bout 10 degrees and snowing.” One of them said. He was a regular. Here at the bar every Thursday and Friday. Maybe Sunday’s. You’d picked up from his friend that his name was Luke. He was younger. Probably about 25, maybe 26. His friend, who you learned was named James was a bit older. Mid-thirties, married, had two kids. They were both nice, however, James was a flirt despite being wed. Luke tried but he was pretty inexperienced. Both alright looking though, the younger being taller and thin, blond hair and blue eyes. The older one was shorter in stature, bit thicker, with darker hair and green eyes. If you were honest, you weren’t the biggest fan of James, but a you remained cordial.

“It is a chilly one out there,” James began, “Luke needs someone to keep him warm at night. You’re single, aren’t ya, ___?” He said, smiling. His grin somehow gave you bad vibes, but you smiled back nonetheless.  

“I am. But I'm not looking right now. Sorry, Luke. I’m old enough to be your mom!” You laughed, finishing up wiping a couple of glasses and setting them in a tray under the bar. “Barely! Maybe if you were a teen mom or something.” He retorted. You just smiled and went about your business.  

A little while later after a few more people came and drank, it was almost time to call it a night. You peaked behind the people finishing up their drinks and sure enough, Joel was still there, with a book, listening to the random music that played on the stereo. You bit your lip, hiding the smile that adorned it. He was always there.

“All I’m saying is that, if I weren’t married, I’d be all up on that! Luke, c’mon she’s a single cougar. Get your head in the game.” You overheard James's whispering to the younger man next to him. James sighed, “I don’t know, James. She’s been seen with that Miller guy. Not Tommy but the other one. He’s scary. Heard he’s killed a bunch’a guys.”  

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad. Just an old dude. Plus look at her. She’s fucking worth it, man. The ass she has on her? God, and those tits.” James continued.

You mentally scoffed. You figured he was a slime ball but this was just flat out gross. Thank God the mess hall was closing soon because you were about ready to give the man a piece of your mind. Suddenly, James said something, attempting to get your attention but you pretended not to hear.

“Helloooo! I said can Luke get another drink here?” He repeated himself.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll pour you one more but we gotta close up soon.” You replied, filling Luke’s glass once more.

“Jesus, Luke. You see that? Dumb and hot. I bet you could convince her to get in bed with you.” This was your last straw. You get they’d been drinking but they clearly lacked common sense. You turned to the sleazy drunk, ready to tear him a new one but it turned out you didn’t need to. You stood there; arms crossed waiting for whatever was going to happen next.

“What’sa matter, baby? Suddenly want a piece of what Jamesy-boy has to offer? Got enough to go around!” Your eyes rolled as he tried again, digging himself a further hole.

“Don’t think she likes what you’re offering her, Jamesy-boy.” Joel said behind him, placing both of his hands on either of James shoulders. Luke’s eyes widened at what was happening, or at least about to. He had some decency to know what James was saying was wrong, but he lacked the balls to say something about it.

“Wha-What... How would you know what she likes and doesn’t? How dare you come up and put your hands on m-” James bit his tongue when he turned around to see a seething Joel behind him.  

“Wanna repeat what you were about to say?” Joel asked, leaning down into the man's face. James shook his head quickly, struggling to move from his seat as he was so frightened.

“If I see or hear you talking to her again, hell, even lookin’ at her, I’ll mess you up so bad, your wife won’t even want what ‘Jamesy-boy' has to offer. Y’hear me?” Your eyes widened at Joel’s threats and you couldn’t help but like what he was saying. His words turned in your stomach as you felt the heat build there and further down. Only God knew what that said about you.

James nodded, trying to slip past Joel. Luke got up as well, ready to follow his friend out. “I didn’t hear you say it. Out loud, now.”  

“I-I won’t talk or look at her again. S-Sorry about that.” He stuttered.

“Good. Don’t apologize to me though.” Joel said, signaling over to you.  

“I’m sorry, ___. It-It won’t happen again.” You nodded, acknowledging him, waving him away.

The two of them scurried away like the rats they were. Good riddance. You looked at Joel who was now sitting at the bar. “Jesus, Joel...”

He scoffed, “What? Was that not okay? He was harrassin-”

“I think you’ve gotten softer in your old age.” You chimed in. Joel stared at you, confused as to what the hell you were talking about.

“Excuse me?” He asked. “I told him I’d beat him so bad he’d be disfigured and that was soft?”

You laughed, finishing up the last of the cleaning before close. “Yeah. The old Joel I knew would deck a guy for saying something to me.”

Joel sat there a moment as he recalled the night at the bar where he broke a man's jaw for calling you a slut. He smiled lightly, “That’s right. You’re right... maybe I have gotten soft.”

Your eyes rolled as you grabbed your winter jacket and throwing it on, “Come on, softie. Walk me home.”

Joel obliged, getting up from his seat and following you out of the mess hall. The two of you walked into the frigid air, almost instantly shivering from the lack of warmth the place provided you. The sun had set a long time ago, leaving the milky blue hues of the night appear next to the luminescence of the moon. It was a sight. You stared up at the floating rock in the sky, entranced by its beauty. If everything in this world has changed, the moon stayed the same. You were a big fan. You were so engrossed in the way the moonlight shined; you had no clue someone was doing the same but to you. Joel walked with you, paying no mind to the road ahead of him. His eyes were on your frame, on the swell of your breasts, on your lips. He noted how your irises twinkled as you peered up to sky. It caused a lump to form in his throat, his heart rate picking up as he tried to swallow it down.

“Hey, Joel?” You asked suddenly, his gaze quickly leaving you as you looked to him.

“Yeah? What’s up?” He replied, clearing his throat.

“Back there… in the mess. I could have handled that myself.”

Joel was taken aback for a moment before chuckling softly, “Oh, darlin’ I know. He should have been more scared of what you were gonna do to him instead of me.”

You laughed back, nudging Joel on the shoulder with your own, “I mean it! I would have tore him apart had you not been there.”

Joel smiled, “I know, I know. Maybe I just wanted some points in my favor with you. Make me look cooler, maybe make you like me more.” He continued.

You looked at him with a confused face, “Like you more? Joel, I’m not sure if that’s even possible. I think I like you too much.” Your nerves started getting the better of you as you realized what you’d just said. Joel’s eyes widened but only for a second. He started slowing his steps down as he turned to you, “Like me too much, huh?”

“Just forget I said it.” You piped in quickly, trying to back track.

“Don’t think I can do that, darlin’.” Joel said, stopping you from going any further. He wrapped his calloused hand around your wrist, lightly pulling you to him. Your eyes softened as you looked up to the man, your cheeks reddening under the yellow-toned streetlight the two of you stood under. You wanted to look away. You didn’t want Joel to see the way he so easily made you blush. “Stop hiding from me. You look so pretty, tonight. You always do.” Joel placed his free hand under your jaw, leading your eyes to meet his.  

“Why can’t you forget I said anything?” You hushed, entranced in the way he was looking at you. Like you were the most precious thing in the world. He just laughed, bringing his hand from your wrist to the other side of your face. “Don’t want to. Think I might like you too much, too.”

You smiled, heart racing, stomach flipping; everything. You brought your hands up to Joel’s jacket, running over the wrinkles until you hit his neck and kept them there. Snowflakes began to litter from the sky and danced around the two of you, melting as soon as they hit your bodies. “Well, Joel Miller. If you like me so much, why don’t you kiss me?”

“Can I?” he asked softly, nudging his nose with yours as he closed the space between you. All you could do was nod as your words failed. That’s all he needed before his lips were on yours. His soft lips met yours, only a little chapped. You moved with him as he kissed you, one of his hands wrapping around the back of your neck while the other fell to the nape of your spine. Your own hands wrapping around his neck and lacing through the bottom of his hair. You both stood there for what felt like forever, just enjoying the embrace. At one point Joel nipped the bottom of your lip, asking for an entrance. Your tongues moved and intertwined with each other as Joel deepened it even more. You didn’t want to break away as you were quite literally seeing stars and hearing fireworks but Joel stepped away first. “We-We need to stop, baby girl.” He said breathlessly.

“Why? I want to kiss you more.” You insisted, moving your head to kiss him again.

Joel grinned, pecking you again lightly once, twice, maybe a third time. “Trust me. I need to kiss you more. But not here.” You agreed with him as you pulled him further down the street. It was a straight shot to your house when suddenly Joel stopped again.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

He hesitated, his face etched in concern. “You’re not gonna regret taking me home with you, are you?”  

Your eyebrows pulled together as you looked at him like he’d said something ridiculous, because it was. “Joel, do you think I’d regret it?”

He hesitated, unsure of himself, “Don’t know... ‘S why I’m asking you. Don’t want you mixed up with the ‘crazy old guy’.”

You paused a moment, almost laughing at how silly it was. You walked right back up to Joel, placing both of your hands on his cheeks a pulled him into you, kissing him once again. It was full of intensity. You wanted to show Joel just how badly you wanted him, crazy or not. Hell, you were old too. Joel fell naturally into it, wrapping his arms around your body. He chased your lips like he was addicted. It sent you soaring. After a moment, you pulled away, “Come on. Take me to bed.”  

Joel placed his forehead against yours, holding you to his body. You could hear the heavy, desperate breaths coming from him like he was wagering with himself. Joel cupped your face once again, his lips ghosting over yours before whispering, “Let’s go.”

The trip to your bedroom was hazy. You were so out of your mind with want for this man you were shaking. As soon as you both entered your room and the door was shut, Joel was at you. He shed you of the thick winter jacket you had on and the fleece sweater under that. You did the same to him, pushing off his coat and flannel in one go. Your lips met fiercely, your hands running up his chest to his neck, pulling him closer. You wanted to be engulfed in him in every way. It scared you a bit at how much you wanted him in this moment, how much you needed him. You shivered at the lack of clothing as Joel pulled your jeans down, leaving you in your bra and underwear. He stepped away but only for a moment as he discarded his shirt and worked on his pants. His eyes ever left your body. His breath grew heavy again, watching the way his chest puffed up and down. You could see the strain of his length, begging to be released as he stepped out of his own pants and returned to your body.  

Joel kissed from your clavicle to your neck, biting and sucking as he saw fit. You moaned as you wrapped your arms around him, scratching his back lightly. He grunted, shuddering from the pain as it turned into pleasure. Joel grinded against you, his erection poking your belly. Your hand flew down to it, rubbing him through the fabric of his boxers. He sighed, kissing up your jaw to your mouth as he fucked into your hand. “f-fuck, baby girl. You’re drivin’ me insane.” He stuttered, his hands at your panties as he slid them down. He left them just below your ass, gripping your cheeks and kneading them in his large hands. You moaned again, your own hand slipping into his underwear as you continued your ministries. His cock was already slick with precum. God, he was so needy for you. Never in his life had he had a desire this intense. Both your bodies felt like fire as your fingertips danced over the expanse of each other’s skin.  

You were just as desperate. You could feel the wetness drip from your folds on to where your underwear sat, your swollen bud just aching to be played with. It’s like Joel could sense that, as one of his hands left your ass and dipped inside of you. He circled your clit slowly at first which you could have cried at. You needed more. You bucked your hips into his hand and he got the hint, picking up his speed. You both stood there at the side of your bed, getting each other off. Both moaning into each other’s mouth, licking up his jaw as he did to yours.

“Baby, need to be inside of you. F-fuck, I’m goin’ crazy.” He breathed; his breath muted as he spoke against your lips. You were already so close from Joel working so hard on your clit, but you knew coming around his cock would be way more gratifying. You nodded, separating yourself from him as you shucked your bra off and climbed on to your mattress, minding the way you wiggled your behind ever-so-slightly to which Joel moaned out loud at. Joel rid himself from his boxers and climbed over to you, hovering over your body as he pecked hot, open-mouthed kisses up your body.

“You’re so f-fucking beautiful.” He spoke, eyes on you. Your own eyes rolled as you wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him in for another kiss.

“Quit buttering me up, Miller.” You sighed, licking a strip up his tongue. Joel’s grip on your waist tightened. He was so hard it was beginning to hurt. “Not doing no such thing, darlin’. You’re so fuckin’ pretty. Look at how hard you get me. Been doing this to me a while now. Just lookin’ at you, I could cum.” His words went straight into your heat as you clenched around nothing. You needed him in you or you’d quite literally die.  

“Oh yeah? How long you been touching yourself to me?” You asked, your hand returning to his cock as you lined him up at your entrance. Joel slid his leaking tip in between your folds, running it up to your clit, rubbing there for a moment.  

He laughed softly, “Long time, baby girl. Here and there before. But now that you’re here with me again; it’s almost every night.” Your back arched at his confession. There’d been many nights you’d lay awake since you moved to Jackson. Your mind thinking of the events of the day, but they’d always end up on Joel. They way he’d sip from his glass of whiskey, or bourbon. The way he’d come into the mess hall after a patrol, always a little disheveled and sweaty. Or the way he was always so intense with you, never looking away when you spoke, when you laughed. How he’d always find a way to have a hand on you, just to be as close as possible.  

“Joel, put it in, fuck- all the way. Please fuck me.” You begged, your legs wrapping around his waist.

“You ready for me, sweetheart?” He asked, teasing your needy hole with his tip, pushing it in slowly. You nodded, lips back on his. Joel pushed himself in easily. You were beyond ready for him. He gasped at the sensation. He loved the feeling of his cock being swallowed up by you. He looked down at your cunt as he bottomed out, moaning at the sight.  

“Jesus... you take me so well. Y’always have. Like you were made for me.”  

His words sent you spiraling, your eyes rolling back as you felt his fat cock fill you up. He started at a slower pace that was still intense. His lips on yours as he kissed into your open mouth. You couldn’t help the moans and sighs that escaped your reddened, plump lips, abused from Joel’s own. Joel pumped into you, your slick mixing with his as you both created a symphony of wispy moans and slaps against each other’s skin. It was fucking beautiful. His hand pushed the stray hairs away from your face as he picked up speed, thrusting into you as the claps became louder. “Yes-s, take it. Let me see that pretty face of yours. So fucked out ‘cause of me.”

You loved how vocal he was. It was a driving force as he slammed into you, on the edge of his high. You were right behind him, the coil in the pit of your stomach on the verge of snapping. Joel’s thumb worked on your swollen bud again, circling quickly as he wanted you to come with him.  

“Joel I-I'm so close, fuck!” You cried out, your arm thrown over your eyes as he rutted into you.

“Move that arm of yours, wanna see you when you come for me.” You obeyed, your arms wrapping back around his neck pulling him down to you. Joel kept his pace steady, and with a few more flicks of his thumb, you were unraveling. Your hand flew to his hair, gripping it as you moaned, calling out his name. Joel felt your cunt tighten around him, gripping him to you. “Yes, fuck, take it! ’s all yours, baby. Always yours.” His pace slowed; you felt the hot ropes of cum filling any leftover space inside you, coating you. Tears pricked your eyes as he continued the remainder of his thrusting, everything becoming too much.  

Joel’s softened dick slid out of you and was replaced by two of his long fingers, “Don’t want you to waste a drop. Keep it all in, baby doll.”  

Your eyes closed; body enamored with pleasure as your legs shook from the af effects of your orgasm. Joel collapsed on to you, pecking your chest and neck with more kisses and love bites. His hands found their way up to your hair and weaved into it. He wanted you close, but you weren’t going anywhere.

The room was quiet besides the sounds of both yours and Joel’s labored breaths. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you basked in the comfortable silence. It was a while before either of you spoke. You actually thought Joel had fallen asleep which sucked, cause while you loved him being on top of you, he was getting heavy.

“Do you regret it?”  He spoke suddenly.

You pushed yourself up onto your elbows as you peered down to the older man on you. You looked at him incredulously, like you’d been shocked. “Regret what we just did?” He nodded slowly, eyes on yours.

“Joel,” You began, fully sitting up as you pulled him with you, “Why would you even ask that?”

“I just... Dunno. Just feel like you could do better than an old, crazy guy. Lots of guys ‘round here dying to have you even look at ‘em.”

You sighed, your shoulders slumping. Your hand reached out to Joel’s face, petting the grayed scruff on his jaw. You took some time to figure out how to say exactly what you were feeling, even then it was hard to explain. “If you think that, genuinely; You really must be an old, crazy man.” You laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t think you realize that I am absolutely in love with you, Joel Miller.” Joel’s breath hitched as his eyes widened slightly. His heartrate picked back up. He really wasn’t expecting to hear that.  

“Not Luke. Not James. No one else. Ever. I get that might be a lot to place on you so sudd-”

Before you could even end your sentence, Joel’s lips were on yours again. He kissed you so deeply, so passionately, that you could have exploded. Your body was so warm even with the bite of the negative temperatures outside. He pulled you on to his lap and just... held you. He held you so delicately, like you’d break with any amount of pressure. After a moment, he broke away and maybe you were just seeing things, but you could have sworn you saw a little tear drop, threatening to fall. Your eyes glazed over, tears of your own beckoning an appearance. You truly were just so in love with him, it was crazy. You’d only been reunited a few months back but, it was as if you’d spent the last 21 years with him. It felt as though no time was spent apart at all. Things between you just worked so naturally and flowed so well. Like you were made for him, just as he said. And as though he were made for you.

Another comfortable silence lingered in the air. You both just genuinely enjoyed the presence of one another. Joels hands rested at your waist, one them made its way to your back, rubbing small circles on to your skin. His head fell into you, resting just above your breast as he breathed you in. Your own hand had moved to his hair, scratching his head lightly.

Joel sucked in a big breath of air before speaking, “Don’t think I’ve heard those words in a couple’a decades.” You nodded along with him. It’d been a long time for you too. Joel looked up to you, too comfortable to move any further. His eyes glimmered as he looked into yours. It was as if you held the universe within those orbs of yours. He couldn’t look away.

“I am absolutely in love with you too, my sweet girl.” Now it was your turn to be surprised even if you weren’t really. Not like you’d been expecting him to say it, but it was still something. You couldn’t help but smile as a tear fell. You didn’t want to cry, not at all. But you couldn’t help it. Your body swelled with emotion as every cavity of you filled with love and admiration for this worn-down man in front of you. Both of you changed in so many ways, some for the better, maybe some for worse. But when you really looked at it, not so much was different. He was still Joel Miller, and he was yours.  

“Good.” Was all you could say as more tears threatened to fall.

Joel smiled, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Good.”

taglist: @paleidiot, @aestheticangel612​

i hope u all like this part! soft joel is my absolute weakness and i love writing him. i think i might take some requests so if anyone has any ideas for Joel Miller or even Din Djarin :o i’d be glad to see them! also lemme know if anyone else would like to be added to a taglist <3

likes and reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed <3

[vivisviolets]

YAY! A new game!

My initials are TM (she/her), I’d like a mood board for my FS and I! My preferred gender for my FS is a female.

3 things about me, I’m emotional, extremely introverted and I love sleeping 💞

Thanks in advance!

TM🌩🐦🐇 Ten of Swords (reversed), Page of Wands (reversed), Three of Cups, Six of Swords (reversed) (bottom of deck) Signs/Messages- 222, 333, 123, 1223, Cancer/Gemini/Taurus/Aries/Aquarius placements, 7th/11h (Sun, Moon, Venus, etc) silver spoon (someone is well off ✧), career/family wealth, strength, kind/smiling eyes, masc/femme balance, nurse, channeled song- BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish Hello to you TM!! first of all aren’t you a cutie pie omg, I mean how could I not say that- when 1. it's the truth, and 2. this is the feeling that arises in your FS when they look at you, when you come into a room they are in- (like a social gathering), and you happen to enter- they are immediately aware of you. even if you’re still on the other side of the room, their entire perception of their environment changes to be so soft, like literally- their reality gets a vignette blur when you come near them- because their head and their heart immediately start swirling with how much they adore you. when they look at you, they remember/feel every good memory you two have made together. it’s like those old couples that act like young lovers despite being in their 60s-90s.- I’m weirdly getting the physical appearance of Jackie from Love Lies Bleeding, there will be something very protective about them- ESPECIALLY when it comes to you and anyone entering your space. They have this really enchanting blend of masculine and feminine energy (which could extend to their physical appearance), like a more masc/butch build but with a very feminine/femme personality. - (i could not stop thinking of this particular artwork through this whole reading, so here it is~ hehe)

first approaching each other will be very easy! because you too will have a lot in common in terms of interests. and or, your person will already spot you as being the apple of their eye/someone really special ♡, this may happen in a group situation that revolves around meeting people, as I’m seeing a room full of people leaning against walls talking- but this may also happen online as this could be in a gc, form, social media, discord, etc- maybe even online pen paling? point is, that your person will spot you in a crowd and want to go straight toward you. Not to worry though, because combined with possible shared interests, this person has a very easy-to-conversate-with/extroverted personality! but, she’s also a bit awkward! it is super cute- it's the kind of awkward-extroverted personality, where even if they fall flat on their face- they can turn it around and laugh about it with whoever sees them. but it’s not ever in a mean-to-themselves self-deprecating type of way- they have a really healthy sense of self (love that), and I think they just, love to laugh- and especially make other people laugh! they’re very compassionate, and know how tough life can be so they know how laughter can truly be the best medicine,, my goodness your spouse is such a good person lol. they have the healthiest ego I’ve ever been in, I swear to god. ok so hobbies&places- this person, wants to take to you everywhere (ik 😵💫)- because again, when they are around you, everything turns soft and their heart melts and gets all gooey and that's a lovely feeling for them, and it makes them want to wrap their arms around you like you’re a baby bird- and that’s also a feeling they love feeling- anyways, they are hella respectful of your social battery, so they plan lots of nature walks/runs for both of you, picnics, just laying in the grass maybe both of you doing separate things like one of you napping while the other reads next to the other. they like eating and sharing their fav foods with you, like taking you to their favorite place to get an early morning matcha/smoothie,- oh! and they also are very eager to do any hobbies you enjoy doing- they’ll be very attentive when you show/explain it to them!! they’ll also want the both of you to take up duo hobbies, like both of you learning how to crochet/macrame/bake- they see you as so safe, you're like the sweet little pudding in the center of their life and they want to just wrap you up and protect you throughout the entire week~ *i hope this was helpful my darling~ consider leaving a tip on my Patreon if you enjoyed it, or following and becoming a violet~ sending you on your way, bye bye!!*

[emo-trash101]

hi! i’d love to request a matchup for hazbin hotel :))

i have short wavy hair and an asymmetrical haircut, my hair is currently dyed red, i have brown hair and brown eyes and i wear glasses. i have a baby face, im short and kind of chubby, and a little insecure about my appearance.

my zodiac is cancer sun, taurus moon, leo rising if that helps you at all!

i’m pretty sensitive but i hate showing it (and usually don’t, im a pretty good actor). i can be pretty clingy and insecure, but i try not to let it show too much.

i can get pretty lonely and i love to share all my obsessions with people, but i also get drained from social interactions pretty quickly.

i love having people who can make me laugh, and especially people who laugh at my jokes. i really enjoy having people to banter with.

my main love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation, but i really like quality time and acts of service as well.

i hate being condescended, or feeling dismissed or like im not being listened to. if i feel like my opinion or presence is unwanted in a situation i’ll shut down very quickly, but if someone i love makes me feel that way i tend to lash out. i try my best to communicate how im feeling but i can get really emotional sometimes.

i wear some variation of the same outfit everyday, i love music, movies, watching tv, reading, and writing. i love animals but im kinda scared of going outside (bugs and allergies). i’m very awkward and i talk a lot when im nervous (which is like all the time). i’ve been a theater kid since i was 4 years old and i love disney movies (my fav is princess and the frog). i’m the kind of person who doesn’t really like to talk to new people unless i have to so im terrible at making friends. i can be quite rude but i don’t try to be i just can’t read social cues. i really really love rocks, im vegetarian (or at least trying to be), deficient in like a million vitamins, have a bad stomach, auditory processing issues, and mental illness. i have very dry humor and i say things without thinking about them, so i make really weird jokes that usually only i understand. i get sick pretty often, i get lightheaded easily and have bad joints. i love sweet things and would eat nothing but chocolate all the time if i could. i can’t keep eye contact well, i stare at random areas on peoples faces when in conversation. i need time to recharge alone after pretty much any social situation. im a bit of a perfectionist and i can become obsessive over trying to fix everything that’s bothering my friends or those i love. i can be quite irritable and get frustrated easily especially when im anxious but it’s pretty easy to calm me down with a hug or verbal affirmations. i’m kind of like a cat in the way that i can be extremely clingy but sometimes i hate to be touched. i take a lot of naps and i might have narcolepsy and/or chronic fatigue.

i’m trans-masc and bi (but i prefer boys).

Okay okay, so I think you match up best with

LUCIFER

(No it's not just because you're a theatre kid and he's voiced by Jermey Jordan)

I feel that based off of how you described being really sensitive and emotional, this man would be (relatively) well equipped to handle it. I also think that he would be really good for making you feel comfortable (Sorry I'm shit at explaining my reasoning for things sometimes 😭)

[tonberry-yoda]

AAAA I HOPE IM NOT TOO LATE HELLO- I’ve requested some stuff from you anonymously for a while and you’re one of my inspirations for branching out starting on tumblr so thank you! Your writing brings me a lot of serotonin in tough times so I appreciate you very much! (Also now having the guts to not ask on anon for the first time too)

I’d like a romantic JJBA Part 3 matchup please! (Crusaders only if possible)

No preference on name

Sexuality: Pansexual

Personality: Im very curious and kind, i’m kind of shy at first when meeting someone new but when I get to know the person more and feel comfortable I can become very fun and energetic! According to my friends (and parents included..) I have a psychopathic laugh thats contagious LMAO (I think its cool) A lot of times. A lot of times I can be very hard on myself and give up easily, but when reminded of my strengths (especially by someone I deeply care for) my confidence and motivation sky rockets sometimes lmao. I have a huge witch aesthetic going on right now, so things like tarot, palm readings, crystal pendulams and jaring herbs and stuff are very fun and pleasing to me! Some fun facts: Im always cold (hence why I dress cozy all the time) when im holding something while trying to sleep (like a pillow) i’ll doze off instantly! And my favorite colors are orange, green, burgundy and black!

Hobbies include!: Studying tarot! (I give fortune readings to family members and to myself) Videogames, teaching myself how to knit, taking care of my cat Ivy, and also studying plants to one day have a nice garden 🪴 I also love listening to music, I actually like all kinds of music and I like to spread out and listen to different things, however Phonk, Pop and Rock are my top 3 favs. When im just chilling and vibing in my room i’ll put on Lo-fi or calming/serene meditation music.

The way I present myself is relatively simple, I love long and baggy clothes, hoodies, sweaters, turtle necks, just a LOT of comfy and cozy vibes. I dont like wearing short skirts but I LOVE wearing long dresses to just flow around in. However one day I’d really really like to wear a fancy sparkly suit 🥹 As for color schemes, def on the darker tone! But every now and then i’ll rock something bright!

What i’d what in the relationship is mainly just someone being there and present for me, its not about being alone but just more of just KNOWING someone is there for me physically or not. Kind gestures that are even super small to most will literally make me melt. I also LOVE being able to take care of my partner, making them dinner/coffee/tea, you name it. If they got hurt? Im patching them up, nightmare? Im comforting them the moment they wake up. Getting them water, a coat, you name it. I also love giving gifts that I made, i’d also spoil them rotten with store bought gifts but they can expect a LOT of handmade crafts and DIYs LOL

I hope this is enough and again, thank you so so much for taking the time out of your day to read this! Sorry if it was really long 💀

OH MY GOODNESS YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME!! everyone has been so kind about my writing i cant believe there was a time where i didnt share my fics. bonkers. but seriously, thank you so much for the kind words!! you are so sweet and it is so nice to see you off of anon! :) i have the PERFECT character for you!! i really hope you'll agree!

the character I chose for you is...

AVDOL!!!

like tarot reading?!??! SAY NO MORE

this man's life is literally tarot

you do readings for him and he does reading for you

he also will teach you new stuff too

this man will boost your confidence

like he will always remind you how amazing and beautiful you are

ALWAYS COLD YOU SAY?!??!???! this man has got you 100% expect warm hugs and just warmth whenever you're by his side :)

uh oh i guess you got to hold him now when you sleep so you can have some amazing sleep... that's too bad 👀👀👀

please knit him things he will love you forever and ever

your cat loves him

like will not stop sitting on his lap whenever he is over lmaooo

will help you plan for your future garden

will hang out with you and just listen to music in peace while you plan or while he helps you learn some more fortune teller tricks

thinks you look BEAUTIFUL in dresses and skirts frrrr like it is his favorite style. will 100% buy you some skirts and dresses from egypt

he will buy you that sparkly suit because you would rock it

he will also get himself a sparkly suit so you match

he is always there for you, whether his arm is around you or you know that he is always supporting you

he will blush when you bring him nice things or do nice acts for him

he appreciates it, but tells you that you dont need to do all that for him, but you do it anyway lol

spoil him rotten and he will be a blushy baby boy about it

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

[babymetaldoll]

Crybaby (Spencer Reid/ Reader)

Requested: Yes!

Reader cries a lot. Over movies, puppies, insults, because she’s sensitive, and like when babies cry. So she was always called crybaby for years. So when Spencer sees that she’s crying secretly because she thinks Spencer is gonna break up with her, Spencer (with the help of Penelope and Morgan) made a boyfriend Hoodie that says “I love my crybaby.”

A/N: Hello!! I got this request a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to write it right. I hope you like it! Also, in my mind, this is season one Spencer, the dorkiest and the cutest. But, of course, you can picture your fav Reid 💜

Category: Hardcore fluff

Summary: Reader is embarrassed ’cos she thinks she cries too much, and Spencer just wants to show her he loves her no matter what. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Reader

Word count: 1,8K

Warning: Prepare yourself ‘cos there is some hardcore fluff going on in here.

Masterlist

*

Spencer Reid walked into his apartment and took off his jacket, shoes and loosened his tie. He left his satchel on a chair and sighed. He was weary after a long day.

- “(Y/N)! I’m home!”- he looked for her as he walked around the place. No one in the kitchen

- “Boo? where are you?”- no one in the bedroom either.

That was weird. Reid had called his girlfriend earlier, and she had said she’d wait for him in his apartment. She was already there making dinner for them.

The pots were on the stove, the house smelled delicious (mushroom curry, Spencer guessed), but there was no sign of his girlfriend anywhere.

Until he heard a soft sob coming from the bathroom.

- “Boo? what are you doing here?”- he whispered as he walked in and found (Y/N) sitting inside the tub, wrapping her arms around her legs, hiding her face.

- “Nothing… I’m ok.”- she murmured so softly, Spencer almost couldn’t hear her.

- “Babe, you are crying. What happened?”- (Y/N) sobbed and shook her head.

- “Really, it’s nothing… I’m ok”- Spencer kneeled outside the tub and caressed her hair softly.

- “Come on, you are obviously upset. Please, trust me.”

His voice was sweet and caring, just like his hands felt playing with her hair.

(Y/N) hesitated for a moment. She was honestly embarrassed to tell him what was going on. She felt she was stupid for crying over something so silly. But still, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

- “Promise me you won’t get mad,”- she murmured, her voice muffled against her legs.

- “I would never get mad at you! You know it. What happened?”- (Y/N) took a deep breath and looked at Spencer. He was so worried. His heart broke just to think something was bothering her that she felt she couldn’t share with him.

- “I was talking to Nikki over the phone earlier. I haven’t seen her in a while, and I wanted to catch up”- Spencer nodded as (Y/N) spoke very quickly- “And she asked about you. I told her you’d had a lot of work lately, so I wanted to wait for you with a nice dinner. And she laughed and told me I was the worst cook on earth and that you would definitely laugh at my cooking.”

Spencer wide opened his eyes as he saw her girlfriend’s tears still falling down her cheeks.

- “And I wanted to tell her I’ve gotten a lot better at cooking ‘cos I’ve got all these recipe books now, but I started crying instead. So she just laughed again and said that you would probably dump me for my bad cooking or because I’m a crybaby.”

- “What?!”- Spencer nearly yelled- “What is she talking about? you are not a crybaby!”

- “Yes, I am”- (Y/N) sobbed and covered her face with both hands- “Look at me! my friend told me I couldn’t cook, and I’ve been sitting in your tub for an hour!”

Yes. (Y/N) cried a lot. Spencer knew it, though she had tried to keep it from him ever since they started dating.

But you don’t date a profiler and successfully keep those kinds of things from him. Spencer knew his girlfriend cried a lot.

She had cried on their first date, at the end of the movie they saw. That was when Spencer realized how much he liked her.

(Y/N) cried every time she saw a cute kitten video on Instagram. The ones about abandoned cats that were adopted by loving families that changed their lives were the worst. She would sob.

She cried with every single book she read. Spencer loved that.

(Y/N) had cried the first time he told her he loved her.

She could cry over any Dr. Who episode they saw. Actually, they couldn’t watch any episode with Ten and Rose because (Y/N) would start crying within minutes.

And she was embarrassed, ‘cos people had always made fun of her and called her “crybaby.” Even her friends. So when Nikki teased her about Spencer breaking up with her because she cried a lot, it just made sense.

Who would like to date a crybaby?

Spencer Reid, of course.

Spencer was surrounded daily with death and murders. The darkest side of the world. That meant that having someone as pure and loving as (Y/N), who would literally cry of happiness when she saw him after a case, gave him hope. There were still good people out there. Good people who cried over the little things, ‘cos they cared. ‘Cos they were moved. ‘Cos they weren’t afraid to show their feelings.

Reid sighed and ran his fingers down (Y/N)’s hair sweetly. She was still sobbing, and his chest tightened at the idea of his sweet girlfriend being in pain.

- “Is there room in that tub for me?”- he whispered as he took out his shoes and stepped into the bathtub. Spencer sat behind her, wrapping his arms around her. He kissed her neck several times; his voice was a soft coo in his girlfriend’s ear.

- “I love you, (Y/N). All of you, including when you cry.”

- “But I cry over everything.”

- “That’s what I love the most about you”- he whispered and kissed her cheeks, intertwining his fingers with hers as he held her hands.

- “You are not a crybaby, and if anything, you are my baby. I love you so much, Boo”- (Y/N) shook her head and felt Spencer kissing her neck again.

- “I love you, (Y/N)”- he repeated and sighed- “You don’t know how much you mean to me.”

*

Spencer was sitting at his desk, staring at the empty space in front of him. He couldn’t take his mind from his girlfriend. Reid had never seen her that upset before. He felt he needed to make sure she knew how much he loved her and that crying didn’t bother him. On the contrary, he loved it.

- “Hey, Pretty boy. What’s in your mind?”- Morgan waved from his desk, and just Spencer shook his head.

- “Nothing”- Derek narrowed his brows and stood up.

- “You haven’t gotten any work done in over half an hour.”

- “What? are you timing my work now?”- Spencer answered, confused and in a high-pitched voice. He was getting annoyed easily ‘cos he was honestly upset.

- “No, I’m just saying there is clearly something bothering you. Everything ok?”

- “Yeah… I mean”- Reid sighed and looked at Morgan- “I just… think I need to talk to Garcia about it.”

- “Is it about (Y/N)? did you fight with your pretty girl?”

- “No, that’s not it.”

- “Then?”- Reid looked around. No one else was paying attention to their conversations.

- “She… we… it’s complicated”- Spencer sighed. If there was someone who could help him, that was Penelope García.

- “My poor baby!!”- Penelope wide opened her eyes as soon as Spencer finished telling her the story.

- “I’m ok, García”- he whispered and felt how his friend smacked her hand against his arm- “Auch!!”

- “I’m talking about (Y/N), genius!! I can’t believe people make fun of her for crying too much!!”

- “Well, if she really does cry over everything, I….”- Morgan stopped talking the second he noticed both Penelope and Spencer looked at him in shock.

- “No! I would never tease her about it”- he started explaining right away- “What I’m trying to say is that I can understand why some people might find that... Anyway. How can we help you?”

- “I need to find a way to make her feel I loved all the time,”- Spencer whispered, embarrassed- “I just need to show her I don’t care if she cries. I love her. I love everything about her. And being someone sensitive shouldn’t be something to be embarrassed about.”

- “Awww, my baby genius!”- Garcia wrapped an arm around Spencer and played with his hair for a second- “You are so sweet with your girlfriend.”

- “Well, I love her….”- he murmured, still ashamed to share his feelings so openly with his friends.

- “Then I’ve got an idea! And you are going to be on board with this, ‘cos it’s the best idea I’ve ever had!”- Penelope sentenced and clapped his hands, already excited.

*

- “Spencer!!”- (Y/N) walked into his apartment and waited for his reply- “I’m here!”

- “In the bedroom!!”- Spencer yelled and smiled in anticipation of what he wanted to show his girlfriend.

- “Hey!”- (Y/N) found him sitting on his bed, covered by a gigantic blanket- “What are you doing here? Are you cold? Do you feel sick? do you need anything?”

- “No, Boo, no”- Spencer quickly shook his head and smiled- “I’m fine. Just come here”- he tapped on the bed with a warm smile. (Y/N) sat next to him and frowned, confused.

- “I got you a present,”- Reid announced and pointed at a box by his side.

- “Why? I mean, thank you”- (Y/N) quickly replied, still confused. Spencer smiled, staring at her. The girl opened the present and widened her eyes in excitement as soon as she saw a pink polaroid camera.

- “This is amazing!!”- (Y/N) wrapped her arms around Spencer tight and leaned in to kiss his lips sweetly- “Thank you so much.”

- “I’m happy you like it, Boo.”

- “Why am I getting a new camera, by the way?”

- “Well…”- Spencer moved carefully closer to her and kissed her cheeks softly before saying.

- “I am away so often I thought we should take more pictures to carry with me. And that you can have with you all the time too.”

(Y/N) bit her lips, fighting the tears that were filling her eyes all of a sudden. (Y/N) could feel her chin quivering with each word Spencer said. She didn’t want to cry and embarrass herself in front of her boyfriend again.

But what he was saying was so sweet, she couldn’t help it.

- “Why don’t we take a picture now?”- he suggested, but she shook her head- “Why not?”

- “Because...”- (Y/N) took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She really didn’t want to cry in front of Reid.

- “Come on! Let’s take a picture with my new hoodie”- Spencer chuckled and removed the blanket that covered him. (Y/N) burst out laughing as soon as she saw it: Reid had a purple hoodie on with a cartoon of the two of them hugging and on top of it the phrase “I love my crybaby.”

- “What on earth?! Why? When did you...?”- (Y/N) chuckled and sobbed at the same time. Spencer opened his arms and wrapped them around her.

- “I love you, baby”- he whispered and kissed her cheek several times- “Now there’s no way you are going to forget it, ‘cos we are going to take a million pictures with this hoodie on, and I’m also never going to take it off again.”

- “I love you so much, Spencer”- (Y/N) pouted and kissed his lips over and over again.

- “I love you more”- he whispered against her lips- “You are my baby. Just mine, ok?”- (Y/N) nodded and giggled, kissing him again.

- “Your crybaby?”- she asked and he agreed, kissing her again.

- “My crybaby.”

*********

Taglist: @all-tings-diego​  @meowiemari​

[theggning]

I posted 852 times in 2021

157 posts created (18%)

695 posts reblogged (82%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.4 posts.

I added 761 tags in 2021

#fallout 4 - 257 posts

#gg answers - 101 posts

#laugh rule - 91 posts

#paladin danse - 65 posts

#fallout meta - 50 posts

#danse/piper - 46 posts

#anonymous - 38 posts

#nick valentine - 38 posts

#lmfao - 38 posts

#piper wright - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#regardless of the current fandom party line re: the superiority of new vegas which fed my children watered my crops and moisturized my skin

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I'm a little late, but if you're still doing them, opinions/thoughts on Nick Valentine? I'm dying to hear you go into detail about him.

Me, gushing about Nick Valentine? Don't mind if I do~

I've been playing FO4 since launch, and from my very first playthrough, Nick has been my favorite character in the game (and really, one of my all-time favs.) This is hardly an unpopular opinion. Everybody, even people who don't like FO4 as a whole seem to love Nick and he's widely lauded as one of the best characters in the series.

I think one of the things that makes Nick stand out is just how remarkably kind he is. I keep using that word on these posts, but I think it applies to Nick more than basically any other character. Nick is an honorable man with uncommon empathy for others and a sophisticated sense of justice-- but also an impressive sense of mercy (he is one of the only companions who approve of you sparing the deathclaw egg and returning it to its parent.) As long as you don't act like a total dickweed around him, he almost immediately treats you as a friend and not a client, caring about your personal well-being and emotional state (he also never even expects payment from you. We find out this is a thing he does fairly often via idle dialogue with NPCs.) He's not self-righteous, he's not arrogant, he doesn't think he's better than other people, and he's not in it for fame or accolades or money. Nick does the right thing because it's right. He helps people because they need it. In many ways, Nick is one of the most humane characters in the wasteland. Which is of course ironic because he's not human at all.

See the full post

120 notes • Posted 2021-06-19 19:42:25 GMT

#4

In Defense of Piper Wright

DISCLAIMER: People have opinions. People have different tastes in characters, and things that they like and dislike about characters. You are allowed to like whatever characters you want and dislike whatever others for whatever reason you want. You can read everything I say here and go “yeah but I still don’t like her” and that’s fine. There are popular characters in all of my fandoms that I still don’t care for much, and that’s okay! I still like to understand how they are written and what makes them tick.

I like Piper. I think she’s funny and charming and it’s very refreshing to see a bossy, outspoken, pushy, but overall courageous and goodhearted woman in a prominent role. But I’ve been kickin’ around this fandom for a bit now and I have repeatedly seen some incredibly uncharitable takes on Piper, a lot of which strike me as either hugely generalizing or frankly, something I don’t think would be directed at a male character with Piper’s same role and traits.

A lot of people complain that Bethesda “puts no thought into their characters”  which I find often translates to “I have not spent any time with this character”  (or less often, “this character is not exactly the way I would like them to be, therefore Bethesda is bad writers.”) Most of the companions in FO4 are quite nuanced and multi-faceted, and you learn things about them by traveling with them and talking to them, hearing their comments on various events and locations. Piper is in the unique position of being featured briefly in the main quest, so meeting her is not optional, though having her as a companion is. Because of this, I feel like many people stick with the basic first impression they get of her, and dismiss her on that alone.

So today in my TED Talk, I would like to discuss some common takes I’ve seen on Piper and provide canon evidence why I think they’re off base or overblown. You are free to agree or disagree with my opinion and you can like or dislike Piper, but there is some stuff flying around that is just not supported by canon at all.

See the full post

167 notes • Posted 2021-02-20 23:31:19 GMT

#3

Ma'am? There is a slight flaw in your cunning plan.

235 notes • Posted 2021-04-27 05:23:24 GMT

#2

I Hate the Alternate Ending of Blind Betrayal, and Here's Why!

DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: Massive spoilers for Fallout 4 abound. This post discusses Blind Betrayal, a quest with suicide as a heavy theme. Content warning applies.

DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This post discusses cut OFFICIAL content from Fallout 4 that has since been repurposed into multiple mods. I am not criticizing any modders or their implementations of this content. Mods are fun and people can enjoy whatever the hell kind of game experience they want with whatever mods they want.

I am ONLY interested in discussing the original cut content as Bethesda had written it, and how it would have impacted the story and lore of Fallout 4.

So, yeah, it seems there was originally going to be another way to conclude Blind Betrayal (BB).

As described in this Kotaku article (citing this post by Tumblr user tentacle-explosion,) there are unused audio files of Danse’s dialogue that show an alternate ending to his pivotal quest. These lines are the only evidence we have of this ending (suggesting that it was cut fairly early on, as no other actors/characters seem to have recorded for it.)

From what we can tell, in this alternate ending of BB, Danse comes up with a possible way out of the sticky situation re: his identity as a synth. According to the Brotherhood Litany, he is able to challenge Maxson’s authority as Elder via combat. If you agree to this idea, you go with Danse to challenge Maxson. The Paladin and the Elder duel one another, Danse wins, and Maxson dies. Then Danse names the Sole Survivor the new Elder-- or with a hard charisma check, you’re able to convince Danse to take the job himself. It is unknown how the main plot would have progressed beyond this point, as there is no other evidence of what being (or influencing) the Elder would have been like or what choices it would have given you.

There is understandable disappointment in learning that this ending was cut. Choices in games are great, and it could have been fun to have multiple different options for how to resolve the quest. In many gaming circles, people complain that this theoretical ending is superior to the one we got and shouldn’t have been axed. The Kotaku article calls it a “way better” ending, and you’ll see many players lamenting that it wasn’t implemented, saying Bethesda was bad at writing for cutting it, etc.

So why did Bethesda get rid of the Elder ending of BB?

In December 2020, after the Fallout 4 Cast Reunion, Danse’s voice actor Peter Jessop answered questions in a private signing session on his Instagram. Peter Jessop is an extremely kind and gracious man, an avid gamer, and a huge fan of Fallout. During the stream, he reflected on the alternate ending and remembered recording the lines, but stated the content was ultimately cut because Bethesda decided it was lore-breaking.

Peter Jessop is right. Bethesda was right. The Elder ending of BB is a bunch of dumb nonsense. It sucks, I hate it, and I’m glad they got rid of it. And now I’m going to tell you why!

See the full post

237 notes • Posted 2021-04-14 23:11:49 GMT

#1

Gen-3 Synths: What Canon Does and Does Not Actually Say

Synths! One of the most important concepts in Fallout 4, much of the game’s plot and thematic structure revolves around the Institute’s humanoid androids. The question of whether or not to regard synths as people is hugely important (and if you’ve been anywhere near my blog before, you’ll know I come down solidly on the “yes, duh” side of things.)

But that’s not why we’re here today!

There is a LOT of misunderstanding floating around about gen-3 synths. Many players miss basic facts about what synths are, what they can and cannot do, how they function and how they are made. Because this is such a massive game with so many perspectives and factions to explore (all with their own opinions,) it can be difficult to discern what’s true.

So the purpose of this post is to outline exactly what canon says about gen-3 synths-- the concrete facts as stated in the lore. Along with that, I’ll touch on a few concepts that canon doesn’t actually specify, open for interpretation however you see fit.

Massive Fallout 4 spoilers ahead, obviously.

Sidenote: Gen-1 and Gen-2 Synths

Essentially, gen-1 and gen-2 synths are fancy robots. Fully mechanical, programmed to follow a set of orders, built to perform menial tasks for the Institute. The difference is the “skin” that covers gen-2s, where the gen-1s are just naked robotic frames and inner parts. There are a few gen-1s still kicking around the Institute and scattered throughout groups of synth enemies, but the majority of old synths you’ll see and fight in the game are gen-2s.

And so is our buddy Nick Valentine. As Nick tells us, he is a gen-2 synth in all but mind-- a special prototype to test if synths could operate with a personality. Nick received the brainscans of the human Nick Valentine to form his basic personality, while his “brother” DiMA was allowed to form a personality from scratch. Nick and DiMA both have free will, human-level intelligence, and are no longer bound to programming. All other old synths are still operating on their original programming, mindless robots that attack all enemies of the Institute indiscriminately.

Nick tells us a lot about his function and his experience as a gen-2 synth, such as the fact that he doesn’t eat, drink, or sleep. He mentions being immune to radiation and able to easily repair himself, advantages that come from existing in a fully mechanical body.

But I think a lot of misinformation about synths comes from people equating what Nick says about himself to ALL synths. In canon, gen-3 synths are different from gen-2s in every way but name. The ONLY thing gen-2s and 3s have in common structurally is the synth component, the hardware that allows the Institute to access their brains. You cannot take Nick’s mechanical advantages and apply them to a being who is made of flesh and blood, because it doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

So keep our dear Mr. Valentine’s mechanical nature in mind whenever he says something about synths, and recognize the difference between him and the more modern gen-3s. And with that, we shall continue!

See the full post

374 notes • Posted 2021-05-12 00:09:42 GMT

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[gothmikasagf]

hello :) could you please give me a matchup for stranger things? thank u so much!! <3

i’m an unlabelled female (she/her) so i wouldn’t mind either a male or female to be matched with!

physical: i’m probably about 5’1 and i have a slim build. my skin is really quite pale and i have a bunch of freckles on my cheeks and nose. my hair is wavy, dark brown and it falls to my waist. i’ve got notably big eyes (as i’ve been told lol). one of my eyes is green and the other is brown- i have heterochromia. i have full, pink lips and my cheeks are usually kinda rosy too! a lot of the time i’ll wear flowy, floral dresses but i love dark toned turtlenecks, baggy jeans and slightly oversized t-shirts. also i’m literally always wearing my super beat up black converse, lolol. i have a lot of piercings in my ears and i wear glasses most of the time (and i apparently suit them?)

personality: i’m honestly painfully shy most of the time. i won’t really speak unless i’m spoken to and a lot of the time i get super embarrassed to speak to new people or in public (especially in class). when i get close to people, however, i can get super hyper and comfortable in expressing myself. i’m really sarcastic and i love making my friends laugh. i’ve always got really good grades my entire life so i guess i would say i’m smart and academic. i can be a little sensitive and insecure sometimes, but i would never call someone out on hurting my feelings (unfortunately!) i spend most of my time with my pets!! i honestly adore animals and i’ve been told about how gentle i am with them many times.

hobbies: any chance i get, i’ll be sitting at the windowsill reading some sort of classic with a cup of coffee (coffee is my weakness.) i also really adore writing stories of my own, and i actually am working on a novel currently (murder mystery- my fav genre!) i love drawing and any type of art, i have a bunch of little sketchbooks just full of silly drawings. i’ve been into photography since i was around six years old, thanks to my dad, and i loooove taking candid photos of my friends! one thing people would say about me is that i’m ALWAYS listening to music- and i’m not exaggerating! i can never be without my headphones on my ears. my favourite bands are joy division, the cure, the smiths, the bangles, talking heads, the police, the clash, new order, pixies and my favourite singers are bowie & kate bush!

soooo i think that’s sort of it?? thank u soooo much!! <3

I match you with...

Nancy Wheeler!

She has read about heterochromia before but are actually the first person she meets with this condition. She could stare into your eyes for hours, she thinks they're just so pretty and unique.

If you're too shy to talk in public she's the one who takes the reins, for example she has your orders memorized so she can be the one to speak.

She really likes someone that can make her laugh, she usually needs it especially when she gets stressed about school or work.

If someone hurts your feelings she goes into protective mode, no one hurts her loved ones!

She knew she fell in love with you after she saw you with your pets for the first time.

When you have some free time, your favorite activity to do together is sitting by the windowstill reading a book.

If you feel comfortable showing her your writings she's so happy and can give you pointers if needed.

She's also your biggest supporter. She loves all of your hobbies and is really proud of you. She hopes you can be proud of her just as much she is of you.

She takes any music reccomendation you give her because she trusts your music taste.

I hope you enjoyed it!

[praphit]

Shang-Chi! and the Rings of Daddy Murder Death!

When the trailer for this movie first came out, I was hyped! From the cast, to the bad ass bus scene, to Wong vs The Abomination,

 I was sold! 

Of course you had the people who came out saying "This is Marvel trying to be woke again. Hate crimes against Asian people on the rise, and here comes Marvel with Shang-Chi" We know this to be crazy, because Marvel already had this in the works, but certain people still reacted that way. But, even if that notion were true, would that be so bad?

It wouldn't absolve the ignorance, hatred, violence, and toxicity. But, if someone in Hollywood said "We've screwed over Asian people in films for like... ever. What if this time we choose a popular Asian character to base a movie on, and we DON'T do that?"

Now, (being that this movie supposedly leans on Chinese culture, with Shang-Chi being Chinese) China might argue that they still did them wrong (valid racist historical ptsd, cultural splicing, the whole martial arts thing, plus the main character is actually Canadian). It's not my place to weigh-in. But, I will say that making Shang-Chi Canadian, NOT a martial artist, but instead a hockey player, who loves Drake, and co-starring another Canadian, like Micheal Cera or someone 

probably wouldn't have worked as well for the MCU. Then, maybe Canada would have a problem with Marvel. I don’t envy movie-makers in this context. 

When I was a kid I was big into Black Belt Theater, Bruce Lee movies, 

Bruce Leroy, 

and within my love for martial arts and fighting entertainment was 

Shang-Frickin-Chi. 

I liked it, though I remember it being a lil racist. It's weird going back in time to see your fav childhood shows and books that wouldn't fly today:

I mean we've certainly been a lot more sensitive these days:

Regardless, Shang-Chi is here! (played by Canada's main man Simu Liu) He goes by the name of Shaun! 

Don't let that name fool you. Shaun will whup that ass! He says "Bleep all those super powers, and serums, a suits, and magic, and the rubber bones of Widow! That's some ol bullshit! All I need is my Wu-Tang style!" A style fueled by his daddy issues. And he's got some serious daddy issues. To be fair, his dad is the villain of the story. If your father was the active villain of your story, you'd also have issues.

Awkwafina is his sidekick

(much better than Michael Cera would be), she plays as Katy. That's fun. Every Katy I've ever known has been fun... and a heavy drinker:) This Katy is here to drive fast and crack jokes.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your new Marvel duo!

It's not just daddy issues for Shang-Chi, but mommy issues (she dead), avoidance issues, his sister kicks him in the balls. He didn't even seem shocked. I mean, his balls were shocked, for sure, but it seemed like she just did that all of the time. I'm imagining Christmas when they were kids. "Here's your gift, bro. KNEE TO THE NUTS Merry Christmas" What kind of relationship is that? And why?! - well, he did abandon her for like 10 years, but... you know, that's plenty of time for her to get over it, right?? So, we'll say sister issues, his daddy training him to be an assassin issues, and his friends have issues with him! - AND KATY! They don't respect Marvel's new duo. They think Shaun and Katy should be doing more with their lives.

They are both valets during the day, and at night they rock drunken karaoke. That seems like the perfect life to me.

But, Daddy and his power rings couldn't allow them to keep living the dream. I haven't mentioned the ten rings yet. 

They give him super-duper-magical martial arts powers, and make him eternal. AND made him an asshole.

To be fair, he was probably already an asshole before the powers. He's been killing a lot of people. You figure he's been around for 1000+ years. His wife is dead, and he has no hobbies. It's not like he kills a few people and then goes home to read a book, or play video games, or make TikTok videos. It's sunrise to sunset killing all day, every day for generations. Then, he forms an evil terrorist group called "Ten Rings" to amplify his killing.

"Murder Death Rings" are what they should be called.

"Daddy Death Punchy Time"

""Dead Doomy Rangs of Killer Dad"

"The Legendary Killer Rings of Deadly Death Death Murder Pops"

"The... " sorry, I've been drankin a lil bit while I write... I lost my place.

I like "Daddy Death" Where was I?

Right! He can't have Shaun being happy! We've gotta get this plot going, so he sends the only white dude he can find in this movie to start some trouble for them. I guess, there might have been a couple of more white people in the film, but they all got the snot beat out of them in that bus scene. This white dude's name is "Razor Fist", yep... "Razor Fist!". 

At least they didn't stick to the original design. 

Ridiculous. How does he use the bathroom?

He's played by Florian Munteanu, who is a former heavy weight boxer. Yeah! Was also in "Creed" his nickname is "The Big Nasty". Isn't that a drink? A bartender once offered me to sample a drink called "The Big Nasty". I chose to go with a drink that doesn't have "nasty" in its title. ... I think he was offering me a drink.

???

"Daddy Murder Death" and "Sharp Fisty Man" spark this thang. And Shaun becomes Shang-Chi, beater of ass!

The visuals in this movie are the best Marvel has done to date. The action is so good. I just got finished raving about the action in "Black Widow"; this surpasses that. I dug the cast. I know some people don't like Awkwafina, but... get over it. She was great in this; everybody was!

I loved the soundtrack! I'm not normally the "I loved the soundtrack guy" , but it was perfect. It begs to be mentioned.

No issues with the story. And the emotions that they're stirring in you. Whew!

One moment I'm enjoying the beater of ass, then Katy is making me laugh, then the slew of issues got me in my feelings, then the visuals wow me, then more swelling issues, back to ass beating - all the way through.

And the ending! True, Marvel has a formula (and this sticks to it), but if it ain't broken, why bleep with it?? The ending was Game of Thrones-ish, but with light so a brotha can see, and all the colors of the rainbow - like a Skittles commercial with martial arts.  Fun! - so not like GOT at all, I guess. The only fun they had was when there was torture or prostitution going on.

I don't have anything bad to say about the movie. They could have shaved 5-10 mins off, but I won't take off for that; there's just too much to love about this!

Grade: A+

Fun for the whole family! I can see the fam working through some issues after the watch.

Daughter: "You know, Dad. That asshole dad of Shang-Chi kinda reminds me of you."

Mom: "Daughter! You do NOT talk to your father that way!"

Daughter: “Just sayin...”

Dad: "That's interesting, cuz his ungrateful, bitch of a daughter reminds me of YOU!"

Mother and Daughter: *gasp

Son: *laughs

Dad: "All I want you to do is take your school work seriously and maybe date a guy who doesn't smell like weed!"

Daughter: "I'll have you know that's his natural smell! And maybe I'd focus more on school, if I didn't have to focus on YOU being such a BLEEPING ASSHOLE, DAD!"

See, that's healthy dialogue, right there. Maybe the family that watches this movie buys mommy a bunch of guns for protection, so she doesn't end up dead like the mommy in this movie. Like a ridiculous amount of guns!

And I could see brother and sister kicking each other in the crotch to resolve their differences. BUT, if they're close-by, fighting each other, then there's no time to abandon one another.

Marvel does it again!

Whichever of the Marvel films is your favorite, this one will probably be up there as well.

[horatiocomehome]

I posted 4,574 times in 2021

238 posts created (5%)

4336 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 18.2 posts.

I added 509 tags in 2021

#amphibia - 177 posts

#from my very own mouth - 92 posts

#dragon! - 69 posts

#fav - 39 posts

#true colors spoilers - 31 posts

#ml - 22 posts

#amphibia spoilers - 21 posts

#thanks for the ask! - 20 posts

#writing ref - 19 posts

#art ref - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#like ‘i’m neutral good!’ okay so what? ‘i’m nuetral good carnage!’ oh okay so you will slaughter a big group of bandits if you see them okay

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Okay so how about the fact that Marcy didn’t want to be alone and now her wish has been granted in the worst way possible?

59 notes • Posted 2021-11-16 19:10:48 GMT

#4

Thanks for the tag, @candydos!

Last song: Lost by Our Last Night

Last Movie: Probably Princess Mononoke? It’s been a while since I watched a movie.

Currently watching: The Owl House with my sister! I managed to pull her in hehehe

Currently reading: I, Robot for my sci-fi elective

Currently craving: sleep

I’ll tag @luz-in-a-otter-suit, @havendance, @hoomitystan309, @dumbassv32, and whoever else wants to!

70 notes • Posted 2021-03-17 03:57:16 GMT

#3

Okay so look. Science is so much crazier than most sci-fi I’ve read, and people are missing out on so much great potential.

Like, when am I getting my overpowered physicist that gets reincarnated and asks the gods for power over waves as his reincarnation gift (look I’ve read a lot of isekais this is a thing) and they go “hokay have fun at the beach!”

And then he starts evil laughing and controlling:

Sound

Light (sometimes)

The Ocean

Fucking gravity (did you know colliding black holes send out waves in the space-time continuum? Well now so can he!)

Etc.

73 notes • Posted 2021-09-17 02:09:57 GMT

#2

Okay new tag game: what are y'all's top three superpowers / magical abilities / quirks or whatever else they're calling them these days that you would want to have?

Feel free to use classic ones or just make up your own!

I'll go first!

Illusions

Levitate pointy thing(s)

Anything involving dragons really

I'll tag @acollectionofclocks @questlampeee @totallykel @fallenflowersfromgrace @candydos and anyone else that wants to join in!

120 notes • Posted 2021-05-14 23:30:36 GMT

#1

I love the fact that, from what I can tell, today's cartoon makers said "Can I make cartoons for a more mature audience?"

and the companies said no.

So then the cartoon makers were just like "Okay" and did it anyways

928 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 03:48:42 GMT

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[nc7dr3am]

LILY IG LIVE ft MARK 10.28.2020

lily started out the live alone, sweetly smiling at the camera

“hi, my petals~ i’ve been wanting to talk to you all!! and sing for you, of course”

she starts reading the comments

“yes, i’m alone right now, but i might call someone to join me... can you guess who? it’s a surprise~~”

yeri tuned in, and a huge smile broke out across her face

“unnie!” she exclaimed, switching to korean

“shall i start with a special song, then? hmmm...”

she fiddled with the music, picking up the microphone

yeri commented in the chat, saying she was excited

“i’ll sing one of my favorites,” lily began, turning on the music

dear diary began

she sang, eyes scanning the chat as she went, giggling at certain points

when she finished, she looked at the chat again

yeri: “wendy unnie and seulgi unnie are watching with me~~ you did well!!”

lily: “dear diary is so special to unnie~~ everyone should listen to it”

fan comment: sing long flight!!

she smiled and fiddled w the music

“taeyong oppa’s song is my favorite for flights and car rides. i usually fall asleep listening to it”

while she was singing, the door opened and fans couldn’t see who it was, but jimin waved them in

“sing with me” she told the person, and there was a laugh so everyone knew it was mark

he sat next to her, after sitting his guitar down

so they both sang long flight together and tbh it was super mf cute

when the song ended they cheered together and mark introduced himself

lily: “‘mark, do lily’s misfit rap!’ no, czennies, hes going to be better than me”

mark: *does the rap*

lily: “they don’t need me anymore, there’s a new jimin in town~~”

mark’s phone starts ringing, and they both look at it and CACKLE

“full sun is calling” lily told them, switching to english

“what’s up?” mark answered

“ARE YOU TWO DOING A LIVE WITHOUT ME” he yelled in english and they CACKLED

“oppa, it’s so peaceful here without you”

“JIMIN YOU BRAT”

after they ended the call with hyuck she noticed jennie was in the live and she GRINNED

“jennie unnie!!” “omo, two of my favorite unnies were here”

jennie starts sending hearts n stuff

“that reminds me, czennies, did you like my dance cover of pretty savage? i love the whole album, pretty savage and bet you wanna are my favorites!”

mark said he liked bet you wanna and that she should sing it because he practiced the guitar chords with her

so she sang bet you wanna

and mark kept grinning at her, and she was holding eye contact with him

except during “all night hug” and the other overtly ~steamy~ lyrics she just looked at the phone

also .. mark .. in glasses and a hoodie .. sweatpants .. guitar .. serving boyfriend looks

when the song was over jennie was spamming the chat with hearts and telling her they both did so well

“‘have you two listened to wap?’”

mark tried to hide a smile and not laugh but you know his ass did and so did she

lily: one of the members listens to it more than the others... but i can’t tell you who, or he would get mad at me

mark: *laughing his ass off*

petals were spamming pretty savage in the chat so lily decided to show mark how to do the part with the hair whipping and the rest of the chorus

“woah dude imagine if i had long hair!!” - mark lee, 2020

he learned it fairly quick tho and jimin sang it while they danced

when they went to sit back down she sang it under her breath as they looked through comments

“born skinny bitch” and “fuck boys, not my boys”

yeah that goes viral in ncity LMAO

at that point people start spamming the chat about their parts in retro future

the ~couple parts~

mark: so the concept was, like, sexy, y’know? and so we had to be sexy with each other- wait, that sounds wrong

lily: yeah no mark stop talking

lily: anyway, yeah... for the music video the director kind of... paired us up? i, uh, it was a lot of acting

mark: yeah, like, it was kind of a story

lily: filming the house party was really fun, and donghyuck opening the champagne and spraying it everywhere was SO funny

mark: YEAH at first he couldn’t even open it and it sprayed into my face when it did open

then they laughed SO hard that jimin fell over

they finished the live by replying to more fans and then singing one more song

they sang dangerous woman together because that’s her fav superm song

and then they waved by and did hearts~~

iconic live because markly is .. interesting these days

[shaekingshitup]

Shae’s First Date

For anyone who is bored: the most brief (that I can recap because ya girl is a lengthy heaux) summary of my first date goes as follows:

EDIT: THIS SHIT AIN'T BRIEF. SORRY NOT SORRY 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️ But I put a TLDR at the end.

I matched with a guy on Bumble who had some cool hobbies and some of which overlapped with mine. We talked daily for almost 2 weeks before we met up in person and the guy was a very big charmer/woo-er. Like if I was messaging this kid I was constantly laughing and smiling

Tbh this was a lil bit of a red flag to me becauae I'm like: "no one is this charming. Something has gotta be up" & I legit came up with a few different scenarios. But I chose to shelf them because people do that to me all the time.

Like I'm just a really loving person and I will gas people up or go out of my way to make them happy if I can and people always want to try me like that can't truly be how/who I am or if I'm doing it it's because I'm trying to get at that person and they are always wrong. All the way from best friends to new acquaintances I really just like when people are happy. I mean the world's shitty already, if I can make your day easier or put smile on your face I'm game!

So we're on the phone one night (stayed up to 3 am sacrificing my sleep talking to this dude 🙄) talking more about who we are as people, what we're looking for in an ideal partner, etc. I told him straight up both via call and via message that honesty is really important to me. I value honesty with myself and also with others.

So also in this late night call things got a lil spicy 🌶 🌶 I was honest and told him that I'm pretty much a blank slate. Never fucked/sucked, etc or had anything like that done to me. He was taken aback like everyone I share this with is. Apparently I'm some sort of unicorn 🦄 out here in these streets to all y'all hoes. He makes a comment about stealing a kiss from me the next night and I said "I might allow it."

But the point is. I told him what it was. I was honest. That's my truth.

I didn't tell him that I'd never been on a date/kissed anyone because he didn't ask. Maybe if I would've said something, things would've been different. But I can't "what if" what's already happened y'all!

SO, day of. We messagin and snapping. I'm allll ready. We're going to a drive in and I'd never been to one before so I'm excited. I'm also just committed to making this a good time because I easily get distracted and often don't stop to take my experiences in to experience them fully. So I said not today!!

I got snacks. All of his favs and some of mine. I brought drinks and a blanket. I looked good.

Like I said in my pre-date post: I didn't have any lofty ideas about this dude being my soul mate or anything but I anticipated a good time.

He picked me up at our designated location. My sister met him and got his license plate; because apparently I had enough sense to realize I didn't know this nigga but not enough sense to later realize I didn't know this nigga.

It wasn't gonna take as long to get to the drive in as originally anticipated. So we went to a local park and sat in the car and talked because the park was PACKED and ya know RONA!

It was somewhat awkward because it was our first time talking face to face. But we found a groove and I'm extroverted af y'all. So, I can get people to have a conversation.

Topics range from our days, music and conspiracy theories which he's really into. What kind? Like: Shakespeare wrote the Bible is one. A lot of people that we know from media aren't really the original ones that we were introduced to is another. Ya know like that Beyoncé is not the real Beyoncé. There's two Trumps. There's two Hilary Clintons etc.

So at this point sensible me is like: this can be the point where you go home girl. You're 5 minutes away from your place. You can just say this ain't workin and cut it short.

OPTIMISTIC/BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT GIVIN/NAIVE SILLY ME IS LIKE: well, I 100% don't agree with anything you're saying just because you're saying it. But ya know, I don't know everything and I'm not in the business of judging people-especially since we just met and I don't want this human to feel uncomfortable. So, okay. I don't agree. But I won't judge. Let's just continue on.

If you haven't guessed by now which me I listened to, you may be just as silly as I am 🙃🙃🙃

But obviously I continued on and that's what I call mistake #1

So we're driving to the drive in. I'm realizing we're kind of different in ways. Most notable is that dude was raised Jehovah's Witnesses and celebrates 0 holidays & I'm in love with Halloween and at least birthdays.

We miss the drive in entrance due to my poor navi skills & he decides to smoke before we pull in. He offers it to me and I accept. This is mistake #2

Ya girl hasn't smoked in 6 years. I tried edibles recently. But that shit ain't the same. I really just feel like I said I wanted to be present and then I smoked and I was tired and everything was kind of dull?

So I'm high and sleepy but still a lil excited because it's my first drive in!! We get there and park and the drive in is really just a giant protection screen we all park in front of. Lmao. 😅 Idk what I was expectin but not that. But it was still cool. It's 10 and this movie still hasn't started because the last one is still showin credits.

Dude says he wants to chill in the back but he's going to the bathroom. I AM SLEEPY. THAT IS WHAT WEED DOES TO ME. Plus I was on the phone til 3 AM. So I'm like imma close my eyes before this thing starts since it's already late.

So while he goes to the bathroom I legit laid down in the back on a pillow because ya girl is a sleepy heaux 😴

He comes back and pits the pillow in his lap and is talking to me because this movie ain't started yet. My eyes are closed but I'm listening and everything and he's massaging my shoulders and whatnot. Eventually advertisements about common courtesy come on and what not. But that's not important and I don't move.

Soo he says something I'M ASSUMING IT WAS ABOUT THE KISS (I don't remember y'all. I'm about to skimp on some of these details because that high was really kickin in and I was feelin foggy.) But, I said "I would allow it." And he kissed me.

It honestly felt anticlimactic as fuck. Yeah my mind is kind of foggy because of the weed so I feel like I wasn't as fully cognizant as I would have been if I was sober minded. But also, it just happened

I'm in my head af. I've never done this and I'm sure I'm shit at it but I'm trying not to be ya know? Dude's tongue is in my mouth. His hand is under my romper.

So, I'm a roll with the punches kind of human and the rest of the film we pretty much are making out (lowkey meh), groping (I hate this word) & watching Deadpool ( for people who needed that detail)

As previously stated, all of this shit is new to me. But, I'm also not a "prude". I chose not to kiss/fuck anyone prior to this because it was what I wanted for a period of time. I couldn't do much in the date department because I was just not approached often or by people I wanted to entertain. But the opportunities for all that physical shit were presented and I chose not to just like I chose to engage in those activities on this date. I'm real big on not judging nor regretting those choices because those were what I wanted at one point and that's it. Soo if you got opinions about what I was out here doin, keep em to yaself.

We ended up making out and I feel like it was cool.. but just not great. We did other shit minus actual fucking. But it all just felt pretty muted to me. Not bad. Not uncomfortable. Just not great and I think in hindsight it was because I a) really didn't know and have an established connection with this dude and b) I was high.

He really wanted me to suck his dick and I was really hesitant to do that. Not even that much because I was checking off a lot of "firsts' or anything like that but because I swore I was gonna be shit at it due to 0 experience and that was what I told him. Like, I wanna be good at shit and also I would like if the person I was hooking up with was actually enjoying being with me ya know? Is that not a thing? Y'all just be out here tryna get ya nut and say fuck it to whomever you with? Lemme be a unicorn then. 🦄

But anyways, I did this and he says like nothing. I'm in my head af trying to recall upon all of my BP smut I've read and trying not to suck at sucking (SO THANKS TO ALL OF Y'ALL WHO BE WRITING SMUT!!). After a few minutes the car turns off and Ryan Reynold's ain't talking anymore. Sooo I take this as a sign that I should stop and tell him as much.

He turns the car back on so we can still hear the movie & I'm pretty much like half watching the movie and talking to him like: "Soooo. I did that and I feel like I was right." To which he responds, "I've had worse," which is like ya know the compliment of the century and the most reassuring feedback you can give someone who is insecure about shit they've never done.

We still ended up making out and I gave him a handjob and finished the movie. I can't recall if it was at this point or when he drove me home but he basically implied that I was a liar and that is the shit that literally makes me wanna go back in time and tell former me to never say yes to a date with this nigga.

He drove me home and I was pretty quiet listening to Ari Lennox (💕) and thinking/processing. He gets to my place and we're talking now that we're parked and tells me that he thought I probably wasn't right about never having sex before. He told me I probably just had sex like 3 years ago and it had been so long that's why I said that and that's why my pussy is so tight.

So, I'm real life hurt. I like to consider myself to be someone who has a good character and I am really big on honesty.

So I asked him why he said that if I told him from jump what it was. He told me that his ex lied a lot and that he just couldn't believe me..

And I know for certain that his assumption was independent of any of my actions. He literally just told me so. He projected his insecurities onto me. But I'm a sensitive ass heaux and that shit still shook me. PBS raised me right. I don't be out here lyin & I don't like when people try to tell me who tf I am.

We pretty much just ended up arguing about the night and he was doing it on purpose because he thinks it's sexy when women are mad. But when I get mad, I get done. If I let enough shit slide and you have the audacity to try and flip my script, I will fucking write you out of it.

Then I looked up at the time and realized I was sitting in this car arguing with nigga for at least 25 minutes. So I was just like: bitch, why are you still here?

I told him straight up that when I got out of that car he could forget about talking to me altogether and he was like: "I'll let you know when I make it home."

I told him he need not bother because apparently I'd finally gained some damn sense. I exited the car. He left. He hit me up when he made it home but I just deleted the app and removed him off of snap because I meant that shit.

TLDR; Went on my first date with a conspiracy theorist I matched with on Bumble and he told me I lied about my lack of sexual history.

[yuzurk]

[12.10.20] LIVE NOW : CHOI YENA 1ST SOLO VLIVE 

Yuzu is a little nervous as soon as she goes live. She had done this several times but vlive was a whole different platform she had to familiarize herself with first before being able to make it work as naturally as she did with twitch. Making sure her connection was stable and the frame well captured, she continued to hold on for several seconds, double checking everything and watching people pour in. “I feel so naked without my load out-,” she muttered under her breath in English, spotting most of the chat consisting of fans that had found their way here through her announcement on twitter.

She didn’t know how many fans of heartz would actually join this stream and it was a shame she had to talk in Korean for the most part through it even though her fanbase consisted mainly of international fans but she would have to work with the limited options she’s been given.

When she was sure that there was a good amount of people in the audience she leaned back and clapped her hands together after inhaling a deep breath. “Sup everyone, this is Choi Yuzu and yer not watching Choi’s Choice,” the ex-streamer joked, a laugh escaping her lips. “Before we begin- my vlives will be mostly in Korean. With me being an idol in the korean industry now, I have to re-shift my focus. To those who don’t understand Korean- do not worry. Each of these streams will be equipped with English subtitles eventually and I can read and translate your comments if you want to be a part of the life audience. Sadly, this is the most I can do as of now, I apologize,” she announces, her hands still folded together as she bows her head. When she looks up again, there are already comments pouring in from sad emojis to people saying they understand and some confused Koreans asking what the heck was going on and why she was talking in English. So Yuzu went ahead and really kicked off her first vlive als Heartz’ Yena.

“Alright. Here I go- Let me introduce myself properly-,” she begins in korean, her head nodded once. “My name is Choi Yena, I’m the October girl and final member of Heartz 1/3! I used to be a streamer in the gaming and variety field and trained under Samsung for about a year prior to debut. I was born on the 29th September 1999, blood type A, going by the nickname Yuzu. So dun hesitate to call me that! Born in Daegu, been to primary in Japan and middle school in Canada. I came to seoul ‘bout two years ago, straight after High School. I love Games and all sorts of performing. I speak Japanese, Korean and English. It’s a pleasure to meet y’all. Please look after me well,” she introduces herself, tossing the most important facts back at her new audience right after.

“I believe I got... all important things done...,” she murmurs, looking down at her checklist before gazing back towards the chat to see the comments pouring in. People greeting her, calling her cute and funny made the girl smile a little and grin to herself. “Heh. Oh- the other members? I think they went back to the dorm already. I stayed behind to go live... eh?” Right as she says that the door slides open, revealing Luda ( @rkxluda ) who tiptoed her way into the room with a box of food. “Eonni? For me? I thought you’d gone back- ye I’m already live,” she informs the other with a grin in her voice, waving her in and tugging her over. “Before y’leave say hi, real quick!” The two girls wave at the cam together, Yuzu chuckling at how embarrassed Luda seems to be for interrupting her solo vlive. So she lets the elder female scurry away quickly and looks at what she had left the streaming girl. “Oh.... this... I love this- eonni brought me one of my fav foods ‘cause she knew I’d stay back to stream.” Opening the lid carefully Yuzu tilts her head back in bliss after inhaling the beautiful, yummy scent. “Woah... hold on I gotta do this properly-,” she declares, placing her chop sticks down before rolling the sleeves of her jacket up and then putting her cap the other way around to have her face free of any possible disturbance. 

Only then she picks her chopsticks back up and claps her hands together. “Temporary mukbang intermission. I’ll eat well~,” the girl sing sungs before digging in carefully, the hot noodles tasting amazing but still hot in her mouth. “Hmm so hot- but so good.” Struggling through the first bite, she takes a moment to swallow the bite before she pokes her chopsticks into her noodles again. “Luckily the eonnis can cook well- I’m a huge mess in the kitchen. The closest to a good cook I am is playing overcooked,” she admits, a smile widening across her lips before she munches down another mouthful. While chewing she goes back to check the comments, one of them making her smile.

FoxyIrishka ( @rkirina ) : when are you buying me a box of premium grade beef

“Soon. I ain’t forget, Irishka. Dunno when I’ll have time now but it’ll happen,” the ex-streamer promises to her gamer buddy, holding up her pinky to seal the promise. Irina isn’t the only of her friends she sees in the chat and it warms her heart. Especially Chaewon ( @chaewonrk ) makes her almost snort out her next mouthful again. Instead she smiles, hamster cheeks on full display as they remain puffed up with food. “I see ya Chaewonnie~ This girl’s an amazing guitarist. We played in a band together- right! I forgot to talk ‘bout 6tunes!” The female sits up with a start, grabbing her own phone and pulling up one of the few original songs they released. “I used t’play in a band as drummer n’ vocalist. We released a few original songs before we had to disband. Chaewonnie was there- n’ my big brother too- Sungmin Oppa ( @rksungmin ) ... he’s- ah there he is! I saw you in the chat earlier, hi oppa~,” she greets, waving at the camera with a chuckle. 

“Yeees I’m eatin’ well- see,” she holds up her half finished dinner before looking through her library for a 6tunes song. When she finally found one, she held the cover to the lens, making sure people could see it properly. “If y’wanna give it a listen, go and check it out!” Not certain if she was allowed to play music not made by samsung artists she decided to not play it for now and instead continued on. On the topic of music it’s then she spots her namesake.

( @rkyena ) "hi yena-ya it's yena unnie~ congrats on your debut!! will you sing a song you've enjoyed lately?"

“Ah- Yena eonni, thank you-,” she can’t help but chuckle. “This still is so weird- people ain’t ever gonna find me with how popular Yena eonni is,” she states with a chuckle before munching down another bite. “Luxe sunbaenim is too powerful... eonni is it ‘kay if I tell my fans t’ tag my posts with Yuzu instead- otherwise I ain’t ever find ‘em if I wanna go lookin’,” she asks the idol, an amused smile on her lips while she continues to eat. Receiving an okay in return she pretends to breathe a huge sigh of relief. “You heard her guys- Yuzu it is! T’get back to yer question doe eonni,” she continues, reaching for her phone again. “I’ve been listenin’ to convex new release a lot lately. I really like Jinwook ( @rkjinwook ) sunbaenim’s solo ‘Simple’! It’s a really nice song- I love it a lot.” 

Watching the reactions she kind of pursed her lips together when various people asked her to sing the song right now. Inhaling and exhaling a long breath, she couldn’t help but feel like it was a request she should fulfill. “Ah- I can sing a little... I’ll do the chorus-,” she gives in, pulling the lyrics up and deciding to do a simple accoustic version solely because her voice was too soft to keep up with the instrumental and jinwook’s voice in the background. Towards the end of the chorus she gets shy at people calling her voice lovely and beautiful. She spots Xiao among them and immediately feels soft again how she can seemingly transition from one field to another and still keep some of her faithful fans. Hiding her smile behind her phone she can’t help but chuckle shyly. “Ah lleexiao ( @xiaoxrk ) enough y’gonna make me blush,” she admits cheekily, waving the compliments off before hunching her shoulders up as she cringes a little. 

She’d have to learn to get used to these kind of compliments.

Leaving people to gush about her a little longer she decides to finish her food and just peeks at the comment section once in a while. It’s during one of those times she sees Kiwi in the chat as well, his request causing her to snort internally. Of course he would. “KingKiwi ( @rkxkikwang ) - please do a kda cover... okay. I’ll get to that. Got just the person in mind I could ask t’help me with that. Keep a look on insta,” the idol teases, wiggling her brows. Next she spots Wendy ( @rkwendy ) as well among those commenting on her voice, praising her for her progress and that she was proud of her debuting at last. “Ahw eonni- thank u so much. Still got long ways t’go compared to u doe,” she tags on immediately. “Wendy eonni is such a great vocalist- Androma is full of so many beautiful n’ talented girls- if you’re not a fan of them- go check ‘em out right after this stream, okay?!” Insisting on this she points her finger to the camera, narrowing in on it before backing away once more to finish her food. “Okay, cool.”

“I’m planning to actually do more vlives if I manage to find the time... one of the series I’d like to get kicking is actually related to gaming and I’ll have an androma girl with me for those,” the ex-streamer continues to tease as she wraps up the empty box and her used chopsticks. “So y’can look out for that too!” Drinking a sip of soda the female comes quiet while she reads more comments. Among her friends still being noisy and her old streaming fans yelling about more gaming content she can see some new names and comments being tossed her way. One of them catches her interest in particular.

zuzuruhanyu: say "maganda ako" 

The female furrows her brows, head tilting to the side. “What does that mean? Can I even say that on a live broadcast?” For a second she ponders over it, typing the words into a google translator to see what it would spit out at her.

“I’m beautiful- is that what it means? Won’t that be a little vain of me to say,” she inquires with a chuckle. “I’m tempted to call someone who I know knows Tagalog to confirm Google Translate isn’t failing me-,” she wonders out aloud. In the end she sends him a quick message beforehand, just to warn him and ask if she could call him really quick to ask something. If she was already boosting her connections, she may as well continue to go and do that. With the okay given Yuzu calls up Johnny’s ( @rkjohnny ) number and puts him on speaker. She grins when he picks up and some people seem to actually get a clue who she just called.

“Johnny Oppa? You know Tagalog, right? Does ‘maganda ako’ mean I’m beautiful?” A grin on her lips she listens to him chuckle and confirm the information she dug up via google translate. Replying with a simple hum as he inquires if the chat asked her to say it, she lets the smile widen across her lips as he reassures her that she can say it live without getting into trouble.

“Ahh okay oppa, thanks!” Before she can hang up the call though, Johnny requests of her to do the ‘dalagang pilipina’ pose which leaves the female confused all over. “What’s that?” A pic of Johnny doing it along with an explanation follows not too long after and Yuzu can’t help but laugh. “Can I pleaaaase show this pic to the viewers,” she asks with a chuckle in her voice. When Johnny gives a confirmed chuckle right back she turns her phone to show it to the camera, still chuckling away. “Doesn’t he look like the perfect maiden?” 

Cackling at her own wording she turns her phone back to herself. “Are y’watchin’ the vlive right now? I’mma do it,” she announces before going ahead and doing it, wiggling her brows for extra added effect. “this good? am I doin’ this right?” When Johnny chuckles out a confirmation, Yuzu feels herself grinning back proudly. “Alright cool. I’mma hang up then now, ye? Thanks again, Oppa. Bye!”

Looking back at the chat and having people wonder how she knew all these idols, Yuzu had to think twice how she wanted to go about this. She had wanted to avoid being compared to Jieun but not wanting to look like she was flexing and flaunting all her connections right upon reveal she had to explain somehow.

“I know most of them from before they were idols through my cousin, Song Jieun. She used to be a Samsung trainee and her connections are crazy. She told people to look after me when I first came to Seoul ‘cause she was worried ‘bout me. Everyone’s been really kind to me and looked after me well, so I feel very spoiled and grateful.” A smile on her lips she nods her head calmly. 

She comes quiet again as she reads more comments, smiling at the reactions and responses she gets even if some of them call her out for riding on her cousin’s connections. To avert the topic she jumps at a comment from whom she knows to be her boyfriend ( @rkohsehun ) lurking on an alias that she admittedly has to sigh at internally. she really did love her stupid noodle.

"seahoney says: congrats on your debut !!! any new / laid back games you'd recommend?"

“hmmm,” she tilts her head, leaning back to think for a second. “with debut preparations and promotions I haven’t had much time to game much. I really do like the fall and halloween update for animal crossing new horizons but genshin impact has also been my go to game when I’m in the car headin’ to schedules. ‘s got everythin’ put together from what you’d love ‘bout open world games. the gacha ‘s a little annoyin’ but that’s gacha games for ya. the breath of the wild feel makes it a whole lotta different to any gacha I played doe. the controls are also easy to manage so that’s a plus as well,” she reviews with a smile on her lips, grinning as some people say they wish they could see her play. 

“maybe I’ll see if any of my friends plays it n’ once we all reach high enough levels we can coop and I could stream.” at the mention of friends she also spots yoojung ( @yccjungrk ) in the chat and can’t help but grow soft immediately. “yoojungie~ maybe it’ll be a game for ya too? I haven’t given up on tryin’ to find one we can game together besides ddr,” the gamer laughs. She wishes she could express how much she misses her old roommate and best friend but not wanting it to seem like she was ungrateful, she comes quiet instead.

A gaze at the clock does tell her that it’s rather late already and the staff member supervising her also looks ready to pass out in their chair so Yuzu slides an extra soda over towards them before turning back to her comment section.

“You guys are gems... I wanna stay around longer n’ talk to everyone more but I’ll be back soon. For now I gotta head back to the dorm too and get more sleep. Please look out for us and allow me to meet you at music shows. I would love, love, loooove to see you all and show y’all my appreciation for supportin’ heartz and our first unit 1/3. We got lots of great things planed ahead for the future and are ready to gear up good, so please anticipate the future girls as well,” she concludes, hands folded together as she tilts her head to the lens, gaze soft and adoration in her eyes.

“That’s all from me for today- Yuzu aka Heartz’ Yena over n’ out!” With a salute she squints her eyes, striking a cool pose that breaks with her exhaling a chuckle before the screen does turn black at last.

[depressedyeehaw]

KDRAMA REC

these are dramas I’ve watched. favorites in no particular order (except Goblin, it’s my favorite.) I tried not to put too much into the details because I didn’t want to spoil anything but yeah. I’ve seen quite a few now so why not.

* Goblin (Guardian: the Lonely and Great God)

buckle up because you’ve got a tired goblin, a socially inept grim reaper, and ghost seeing high schoolers that become housemates and your best friends.

if you’re not new to the Kdrama world then you’ve definitely heard or seen this drama and how fucking great it is. whether it’s the stellar cast or the beautiful soundtrack, it didn’t get its reputation for nothing.

it’s got romance, bromance, lots of humor, past and present collisions, the ability to make you depressed, and Gong Yoo.

Hush - Linde Lindh (the OTS is so beautiful)

what more could you want?

* Healer

do you like spy or spy-esque genres? Ji Chang Wook? a dash of betrayal? then I’ve got the drama for you!

an errand boy for hire gets put in a sticky situation that involves a girl that he just can’t seem to shake, their past, and some politics that really put his identity in jeopardy.

it’s a lot of storylines that really tie together well in the end.

when you hold me tight - Yael Meyer

bad boy is actually soft and soft girl don’t take shit.

* The Legend of the Blue Sea

another fantasy that includes the past and present, but with MERMAIDS.

a mermaid who’s just trying to get this boy, but can’t exactly function well in society since she was in the ocean her whole life.

and a con artist who just can’t seem let her go.

the secondary cast are great and I love them.

this drama is hilarious, like first episode you’re gonna laugh within the first 10 min. it’s probably my second favorite.

it’s got TWO umbrella scenes AND a claw machine.

crying may happen so bring a plastic bag.

* Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo

another favorite.

your main girl is a weightlifting, independent woman who don’t need no man but boy does she like him.

and your main guy is a swimmer with PTSD and he’s such a sweet BOI

the trio is so funny I wanted to die.

sets high standards for your boyfriend so watch out.

sheds light on mental health and eating disorders.

no bad blood really, just really wholesome x1.

* Fight My Way

four friends just trying to follow their dreams even tho they’re tight on money.

leading lady is so fed up, just wants to be an announcer.

leading boy is not far behind her, lowkey misses being a fighter.

my favorite drama with Park Seo Joon.

the aeygo is strong with this one.

really wholesome x2, you’ll love it.

don’t punch with your thumb tucked under your fingers, you’ll break it

* What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim?

she just wants to live her own life, that’s what.

she’s been his secretary for like 9 years and just wants to be done with it.

the whole brooding, egotistical boss thing kinda turned me off but you gotta give it a chance.

lowkey twisted.

another Park Seo Joon (I watched this before watching Fight My Way and lemme tell you, the whiplash was real)

same actress from Healer, she’s so G O O D

the side romances are great

* She Was Pretty

last one with Park Seo Joon I swear

it was pretty decent, also the first drama I ever watched (thank you YouTube algorithm)

instead of egotistical boss, you get a prick instead (I’m still salty about it okay)

they were friends, lost touch. and now they’re back together but get this, she ain’t who he thinks she is.

and he’s her boss on top of that.

main lead is so pretty (she IS pretty) she’s just so optimistic and empathetic.

second lead syndrome so tread carefully.

ending is cute, I’ll give it that.

* Touch Your Heart

if you liked the two Goblin characters (not the main two, I wish) then you’ll want to watch this after Goblin.

literally so fucking cute.

I’m not kidding, I got cavities from this shit.

had to pause multiple times because of how cringely cute it was.

she’s just an actress trying to method act for her lawyer role.

and he’s the lawyer who’s just so done but then he’s not!

* Because This Is My First Life

one needs money and one needs a room.

THERES A CAT

honestly such a wholesome x3 drama that makes you think.

is marriage all that??

Marriage - MoonMoon (it is all that)

really shows how sexism affects women in the workplace

kinda slow burn

* Cheese in the Trap

Kim Go Eun is a delight, I love her.

based off a popular WEBTOON by the same name.

apparently controversial because of that.

also SLS so be careful.

college is hard and not just because of classes.

basically college girl has a bad past experience with popular guy but suddenly he’s asking her to eat with him and it’s confusing her.

and then he’s not also what he seems.

wish it had more about the main guy because he was just so interesting (read the webtoon cause it’s actually really good)

also has a movie with some of the same cast (I watched it right after finishing the drama and it’s not as in depth obviously but the ending is better)

* The K2

action packed

the soundtrack is lit

Ji Chang Wook could kick my ass and I’d thank him.

boy gets caught in some high stakes politics and ends up as a bodyguard.

very political and it was hard for me to follow at times.

I’d die for Anna.

who do you trust? Idfk

the guy is literally so fed up 90% of the drama

iconic umbrella scene.

* Hotel Del Luna

when I die, you’ll find me at Hotel Del Luna: the hotel for the dead.

okay the main guy looks like he’s thirty but he’s actually 22 in this wtf that’s younger than me. I feel WRONGED.

you’ll love the entire hotel crew.

owner: she’s a problematic fav

the new manager: he’s just trying his best

OST is a bop.

lotta past and present overlapping in this and it’s great

* Oh My Venus

this one was cute but also problematic to me

pretty girl in high school became a chubby lawyer.

lotta relationship drama and cringe.

and the entire drama is about her losing weight and falling for stoic but actual soft boy “coachenim”.

ending could have been so much better oh my G O D.

probably my least favorite but I didn’t genuinely enjoy most of it.

* Suspicious Partner

lawyers, prosecutors, and murders OH MY!

you got an angry boi and a hot mess of a girl

hot mess gets herself in a bigger mess and becomes a murder suspect.

angry boi gets more angry

I have never yelled at a drama more than this one, jesus it was a ride.

the romance is there but in small doses.

forty 30 min episodes (20 hours)

hey look, Ji Chang Wook is in this one too.

* Descendants of the Sun

a soldier and doctor hit it off but then their moral views conflict with their romantic interest.

they go separate ways but then PLOT TWIST

surprise, doc. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

the bromance is real in this one too.

Touch Your Heart recreated the iconic helicopter scene p e r f e c t l y

will add more as I continue to watch.

[bumblbytrash]

My Just Right™️ Theory

So I know I’m not the only one who thinks Blake is Baby Bear. Or at least I hope I’m not alone.

I mean then again I literally never really see anyone else posting about it other than people reblogging my posts so fucking maybe.

But I’m really latched onto this head canon and y’all better buckle up cause I’ve got new thoughts to add to this crackpot theory.

Now, I’ve made a semi lengthy post about this already, which can be found here, and y’all should really go read that first bc I’m gonna gloss over what over already talked about and y’all will be confused. Now that post really only talks about Blake’s introduction as Baby Bear. But now I’ve got for y’all all the reasons how Blake fills the role of Baby Bear/ being Just Right™️ for Yang.

-

The first thing I wanna to clarify with y’all is the basics of Goldilocks and the three bears. Just cause I’m obv gonna talk about symbolism that I’m pulling from quite a lot and I want us all on the same page. So,

Goldilocks vs Papa Bear: porridge is too hot, bed is too stiff. Angry and mean, or passionate and protective.

Mama Bear: porridge is too cold, bed is too soft. Distant and bracing, or level headed and receptive.

But then Baby Bear’s stuff is Just Right™️. Y’all starting to get why I’ve also latched on to “Just Right™️”?

-

Second thing I’m gonna come right out and clarify is that yes. I am aware that Junior’s name means Baby Bear. Actually his name means Black Bear, the nickname Junior is what makes it Baby Black Bear. But I’m imagining the titles being a little flexible and applicable to multiple characters.

-

So cool, Yang fought two Ursai, one was “hot headed” and aggressive, attacked her up front. The other was a more “cool headed” passive one that watched at first, and the poof, Blake.

Baby Bear. But I wanna take it a step further. So let’s look at team RWBY

Papa Bear = Ruby. Yes I know, the Yang is far more hot headed and fiery than ruby but hear me out. In the scene immediately following Blake’s introductionas Baby Bear, we see Ruby rum into a situation without much thought. She makes a hot headed move to attack without double checking her surroundings and fucks up Weiss’ shot. Then, in the ensuing argument, Ruby loses her temper and cuts down a tree. That’s some pretty hot porridge right there.

Mama Bear = Weiss. I means come on, she’s literally called the ice queen. In the scene after Blake’s introduction as Baby Bear, Weiss is shown being ice cold and honestly a total bitch. She’s literally standing there surrounded by beowolves, slowly going down a check list. I’m not here to say that proper form isn’t important but woman. Don’t wait for the second ice age. Then after Ruby beats her to the punch she starts an argument and she’s really cold. Saying to Ruby that no, she’s not perfect but she’s leagues better than her. That porridge is FROZEN.

Baby Bear = Blake. Y’all. Do I even have to say it? They’re literally perfect for each other. Blake is Just Right™️ in so many ways. Blake’s the person that Yang has the deepest connection with. Blake’s the one who laughs/smiles the most at Yang’s stupid jokes or really even just at Yang because she’s there. Yang strives for Blake’s approval, she immediately tears up and visibly breaks down the second it seems like Blake doesn’t trust/believe her. And when Blake asks Yang to promise to her specifically, in return for Blake’s trust, Yang doesn’t even hesitate for a second. Makes eye contact and promises. Blake’s also like, the only person to show worry or concern over Yang in a fight. Then, after being separated from each other for around a year, they just fall back into sync as it nothing ever kept them apart. Sure, they had a bump of two I’m looking at you apathy barn but they were just that bumps that’s they got over in a snap.

I mean shit, even the color scheme lines up for team RWBY.

Next we get to look at our in-world family of bears: The Belladonna’s

Kali Belladonna. Y’all look at this sweet bean and tell me she isn’t the softest Mama Bear to ever soft.

Kali Belladonna isn’t ice cold in the way that Weiss is, she’s more cool and soft. She does silly things, teases her daughter about the boy that followed her home and doesn’t hesitate for a second to wrap her daughter up in a bear hug.

And damn if Ghira Belladonna isn’t intimidating as all shit

Ghira Belladonna is a damned force to be reckoned with. This man is the very definition of a hot headed, protective Papa Bear. Y’all cannot convince me other wise if you tried.

The Belladonna’s are admittedly a fav and I’m really just including them cause I can and it fits sooooooooo. Moving on:

So the last thing I wanna talk to y’all about is Yang’s abandonment issues. How we’ve seen it played out in the show and how it fits into my Baby Bear!Blake theory. And yes, I know this is reaching. Like shit, my spine popped, I was reaching so far up to this shelf but hear me out.

Yang has canonically been abandoned 3 times.

The first time was her birth mother, Raven Branwen.

Now we can only speculate on why Raven really left. Yang also, has no idea why Raven left, a fact that hit us over the head in V2. So for Yang’s entire life (tho she got some closure in V5) Yang has just built up bitterness and anger toward her mother. “How dare she leave, how could she just go, abandon her family like that.”

The second time was Summer Rose. But Summer didn’t chose to leave.

I mean yes she chose to leave for the mission, but she fully planned on returning. She was killed. The was a fight, a slip up, an accident, and Summer couldn’t make it back home. Yang more than likely spent her years wishing that maybe she or Tai or Qrow or anyone would have just gone with her, made sure that Summer was alright. Summer didn’t leave, she was taken away inexplicably and Yang would have felt sad. Lost and cold without her mother’s guidance.

The third time was Blake. And yes, our baby girl fucked up when she left, I’m not here to deny that.

So during the fall of beacon, Yang finds Blake on the ground under Adam who has just stabbed her. Keep in mind, Yang has spent the majority of her life wishing she or literally any one could have been there to save Summer. Wishing that someone could have prevented her loved one from being ripped away from her. And now, Blake is about to be killed in front of Yang’s very eyes.

Y’all damn know she flipped her shit. She is CRYING as she launches herself at Adam, so blinded by her need to make to Blake, to be there in time, to save her life. Y’all also know that she failed, pretty miserably in fact. But Blake didn’t care. She only cared that Yang had come at all, and was upset with herself for having brought Yang into her world of trauma. So she left. She left because she thought that that would protect Yang.

What’s different about Blake leaving is that she’s the only person who actually chose Yang. Sure the message didn’t come across to Yang right away, but that’s what happened. Blake chose Yang’s safety over her own safety, well being, and happiness.

And I know, I know, that what t probably hurt Yang more than anything was that Blake chose to leave her behind, like Raven had. Yang ultimately made her peace with Summer because that was out of anyone’s control. But Blake? We see in volume 5 we see that Yang is very VERY upset that Blake left. When Ruby tells Yang she wishes Blake was with them, Yang lashes out. Ruby pushed farther, prying, trying to force Yang into wanting Blake there and Yang snaps, of only for a moment.

Her eyes burn red and she is LIVID. Yang eventually gets up and sulks in her room while carressing Blake’s image in a group photo. And then, enter Weiss. Weiss says nothing as she enters the room. Just sits and lets Yang rant. Once Yang’s down Weiss speaks. Talks about her own traumas and her own family issues. And finally talks to Yang and convinces her to try and see things from Blake’s perspective.

I mean shit. The poor girl did her absolute best to remain distant, to keep her secrets, to keep her past away from the rest of them. But she opened up to Yang, they became very close friends and at some point (I’m looking at you Burning the Candle) it became a little more flirtatious and romantic. Then with all this going on, Adam appears of literally nowhere and maimes the one person in all of Beacon that Blake has truly opened up to. And like let’s not fucking forget that Blake is also the only person we see Yang open up to. I mean we see her open up to Weiss, but she’s literally opening up about her pain from Blake leaving soooooooo.

The last thing that sets Blake apart in this cycle of the three bears, and the reason why she gets to be Baby Bear/ Just Right™️ is because BLAKE CAME BACK.

This girl, who is notorious for running from her problems, to the point that her semblance which is an extension of her own soul, is literally a mechanism to run away, SHE CAME BACK.

Blake came back to Yang. And she’s promised she’s never going anywhere again. And Yang believes her, Yang trusts her, and y’all can damn well believe Yang LOVES her.

So yea. Blake’s Baby Bear. She’s Just Right™️ for Yang. Try and change my mind. You can’t.

This post has gotten really long, and I do have more thoughts, but maybe in another post cause again, this is already a fucking full length essay.

For y’all who wanted to be tagged:

@sunnydragonqueen @yeehawyang @AG_Nonsuch

[teen--marvel]

I posted 3,827 times in 2021

513 posts created (13%)

3314 posts reblogged (87%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 6.5 posts.

I added 2,162 tags in 2021

#i love queue much - 792 posts

#dylan o'brien - 256 posts

#personal - 237 posts

#tom holland - 201 posts

#answered - 199 posts

#teen—marvel - 118 posts

#teen wolf - 112 posts

#teen--marvel - 85 posts

#jess.txt - 81 posts

#stiles stilinski - 81 posts

Longest Tag: 102 characters

#and talked to me and my dad the entire time she was doing his hair the day or two days before shooting

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

as this shit of a year comes to a close, i wanted to jump on the bandwagon and do an end of the year review that everyone on my dash seems to be doing, haha. there’s going to be a lot to unpack in this post. so, basically all the people below mean the world to me. so, without further ado, let’s get into it. everything is below the cut ; 

@stiles-o-dylan24 ellie. my love. you were the first friend i made on this site, and it was all because of our lovely staddy. and then you brought us our beautiful idiots, addlan. (highkey wish addy was real so she could come and take care of me, lol.) when i had some shit go down at the beginning of the year, the only thing i could think about was reading iaby. i love you. oh so much. and i hope you’re having a great birthday. (i think yours might be the longest... 👀👀)

@aquariusholland kyrstin. you’re such a crackhead, i love it. i love seeing your random ass posts. they make me laugh and they put a smile on my face. crackhead hours much commence in the new year.

@r0s3mm​ rose. sweet rose. they way you go from english to french freaking blows my mind. i better be tagged in that angsty dylan piece you’re writing 👀

@alexa-playafricabytoto​ courtney. you’re such a sweet soul, and everyone deserves to see that. i love you so much and you know i’m always here if you need anything 💜

@londonspidey katie. tbh, i started following you for tale as old as time, but i stayed because of your sweet sweet soul. i promise i’ll come into your inbox during the new year, haha.

@mischiefandi​ v. sweet sweet v. i love you. i hope school is going great for you. i promise to talk to you more because i love you and miss seeing you on my dash. and it’s going to be weird not seeing dylan as your icon, haahh.

@duskholland​ hannah. i’ve already said this once in your inbox, but i’m gonna say it again. i’ve been following you for almost three years now, and i’m so glad i never stopped unfollowing. your stories are freaking amazing, and i love you. your tags crack me the hell up, i love it.

@lettersofwrittencollective​ nat. i’m gonna be completely honest ; if i had never come across the pull, i don’t think this tumblrship (friendship on tumblr. get it 😜) wouldn’t exist. i love you, and we definitely need to talk more.

like i stated above, each and every one of you mean the world to me. 

See the full post

15 notes • Posted 2021-01-01 00:44:21 GMT

#4

i’m 28 today, and i wanna have a sleepover / celebration type of thing. like all my other celebration sleepover things, this will be run on both this blog, and @stilinskiparker​.

This event will run from today, Monday, February 22 until Sunday, February 28. Very impromptu, i can assure you, hahaaa. 

You know the drill by now, but if not, let me tell ya ; send me something from the list below in one of my ask boxes… and that’s pretty much it, haha. Yes, it’s the same shit from my Christmas sleepover because I can’t think of new shit to add, ahaha. But I did change some of them up and added a couple of more things.. So here we go.

For Both ;

💍 - FMK(kiss or kill, pls be specific) ; make me choose between three actors or characters

💬 - just come by and say hi

🌷 - fav season

🎥 - fav tv show / movie (you can also ask for genre)

🎵 - fav era / decade (tell me yours and i’ll tell you mine)

☕ - spill the tea, sis

👀 - would you rather… (get as innocent or as dirty as you want, idc.)

😘 - blog compliment

☀️ - fav weather

🎂 - fav birthday memory

⁉️ - make me choose between two things

Added for @stilinskiparker​ ;

📝 - fav story i’ve written so far (this can be you telling me or you asking me)

🌟 - for a teaser to Chapter 38 (even though chapter 37 just posted, lol)

📚 - fic series recommendations (i’ll give you some of my favs from main)

😏 - a line from from the next chapter of yabmh

✏️ - fav writers (this kind of goes with series recommendations but whatev)

mutuals below the cut ;

@stiles-o-dylan24 @mischiefandi @londonspidey @tomhollandd @h0llandshalstead @duskholland @roscoeknows @bi-writes @earthlyholland​ @lettersofwrittencollective​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​

17 notes • Posted 2021-02-22 20:03:12 GMT

#3

THERES A FUCKING TEEN WOLF MOVIE COMING IN 2022 ON PARAMOUNT+

See the full post

20 notes • Posted 2021-09-24 16:39:44 GMT

#2

hello, favorite peeps!!! i hope y’all have had a good week! 

i’m drawing a blank as to what to put here, so let’s just jump right in...

drink your water (gotta stay hydrated, my lovelies) 🥤

eat some good ass food (whatever your heart and stomach is telling you) 🍕🍟🥞🧇🍔🌭🥪🌮🌯🍝

remember that you’re a boss ass bitch and ain’t nobody can touch you (because you’re 🎵BAD, YOU’RE BAD, YA’KNOW IT🎵) 💪🏻🤘🏻💅🏻

take some time for yourself (treat yo’ self) 💸🛍️

have a self care day / weekend ; face mask, bubble bath, put on your favorite dylan o’brien or tom holland movie / tv show or discover a new one, if the weather is nice - go sit outside with a cuppa (ahh, see what i did there? 😏) or a cup of tea or coffee or hot chocolate

and remember the most important thing ; you’re amazing, you’re important to a lot of people, you matter, and you’re strong, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re enough, you will conquer the world, and you’ll get through whatever hell storm comes your way 💜💜😚

remember that you have people in your corner, and if you don’t, my dm’s are always open

i hope y’all have a great weekend, and great Easter (if you celebrate). i love y’all to the moon and back, and hopefully i’ll see y’all back here next friday for  ✨ j e s s ’  w e e k l y   c h e c k   i n ✨

tags + a couple new moots: @stiles-o-dylan24​​ @londonspidey​​​​ @earthlyholland​​ @mischiefandi​​  @lettersofwrittencollective​​​ @duskholland​​​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​​​  @tomhollandd​​ @h0llandshalstead​​ @naturallytom​

21 notes • Posted 2021-04-02 21:00:56 GMT

#1

Daily Dose of I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS FACE Dylan💛

WHEN THE FUCK WAS THIS?! 😩😩😩

29 notes • Posted 2021-01-24 22:24:49 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →