#but I’ve been growing apart from my friends which makes me sad

[alddente]

The beast.

[notakugelblitz]

FERNANDO • Five Hargreeves x Reader

as everyone seems so sad since the release of season 4, i thought this could help :’)

it takes place during season 3, during Luther and Sloane’s wedding. as you spend your last moments with your siblings in law, you start to have some regrets about the life you could have had with Five.

NO WARNING, all fluff 😊 2341 words

i got inspired by ABBA’s song Fernando and it’s so Five x Y/N related I love it (well this is how I interpret it)

english isn’t my first language so sorry if you spot any mistake

enjoy ☂️

It was only a matter of hours now. You were all staying at the Hotel Oblivion, the last survivors. The Kugelblitz was growing and yet, Sloane and Luther had decided to marry.

While the boys were having a bachelor party before the ceremony, you were wandering the corridors aimlessly.

Ever since you arrived in 2019 with Five, his family quickly became yours. They welcomed you so warmly and trying to save the world twice clearly forged something big. But when you met the Sparrows, the hate that they felt against them seemed rather excessive (apart from Luther of course). Probably due to your age, you felt more mature about it. Seeing Sloane and Ben loosing all of their family pained you grandly.

You even found in Luther’s future wife a friend, which was a surprise but you enjoyed her kindness quite much. Your feet led you to Sloane’s room so unhesitatingly you knocked at her door which was half opened. She answered and smiled as she spotted you.

“Y/N ! Come in !” Sloane said to you, her soon-to-be former Sparrow Academy sister, in a cheerful fashion as she closed the door behind her.

Then she turned to face her once the door was firmly shut. You smiled, noticing the dress Sloane was sewing herself.

“It looks flawless.” you said, pointing at the white dress laying on the bed.

Sloane smiled gently at your comment and walked over to it, caressing the dress lovingly with her hand.

“Thank you … I just hope it fits me.”

“I’m sure it will. Nothing you wear unfits you.”

You chuckled a bit falsely, feeling a pain in your heart but yet you managed to smile. It was the best day of Sloane's life, and probably her last, after all.

She seemed to notice the sadness in your eyes and immediately became concerned as she took a closer look at you.

“Y/N, what’s wrong ? You look … sad.”

You sighed and grabbed a vase, sitting on the chair as you took the flowers out of it. You started to tie the stems altogether to create a crown.

“I am not sad. I am just … seeing you all excited for your wedding … I’ve been there too … ” you let out.

Sloane smiled and sat down on the bed opposite you, watching you make a crown out of the vase’s contents.

“Yes, I am but … I get the impression that you didn’t enjoy yours ?” she said slowly, a hint of suspicion in her voice as she tried to make sense of your comment.

“Oh no, I loved it !” you exclaimed suddenly. “I had the most wonderful wedding. And I believe yours will be just as perfect.”

She smiled genuinely as she heard you say that you enjoyed your wedding.

“Well … I’m relieved to hear that ! For a moment, I thought you’d been married to an arsehole or something !”

“Five is an arsehole indeed, but he is a great man, I can assure you.” you laughed.

You then approached her to check the size of the crown on her head.

“There.”

Sloane smiled as you placed the flower crown on her head carefully. Feeling the weight of it, she looked in the mirror, gently caressing the flowers and admiring the work that had been done on it.

“Thank you, Y/N. It’s beautiful …”

You looked at Sloane’s reflection and surprised yourself with a sort of mothering smile. It suddenly brought you nostalgia and sadness at the same time. Sloane checked over her shoulder, noticing your change of mood, a look of concern once again present on her face.

“Y/N … are you sure you’re okay ?”

You pinched your nose and sighed, trying to avoid some tears from falling. You couldn’t believe how weak your were but the tiredness and the end of the world wasn’t making it easy.

“Five and I married when we were 56. Secretly, as it was forbidden by the … by our employers,” you started to explain.

You checked on her, wanting to know if she was ok with you opening up like this. Her eyes saying like “Go on, I’m listening.” and her hand grabbing yours relieved you suddenly.

“I am 58 now. I just wish I had met him sooner …”

You looked down at your feet. It might sound weird for Sloane as you also had the appearance of a teenager. But still she kept holding your hand, gently rubbing the back of it with her thumb as you spoke, trying to give comfort in any way she could.

“Is that why you’re sad ? Because you wished you’d had more time with Five ?”

“When we got back here, we thought of a well-deserved retirement..” you sighed deeply. “But then he decided to save the world again because he’s addicted to it. And I wouldn’t blame him for that, he spent his life doing so. I just …”

You bit your lips, looking down at her hands, young and soft.

“And you just … want to be able to grow old with him … like normal people who marry and have a family …”

You looked up at Sloane, surprised that she’d understand that easily. You slightly opened your mouth because of the astonishment but shook your head.

“I know that everyone expect me to say that I have no regrets because I had time, unlike you … no offense of course. But coming back in 2019, both of us teenagers again, I thought … it sounds stupid, but I thought we had another chance, you know ? To grow old normally, without any Commission nor Kugelblitz.”

“I get that … you feel like you’ve been robbed.”

You nodded and looked up at her, cupping her cheek with your free hand.

“I shouldn’t bother you with that. Let’s enjoy this night, shall we?”

Sloane seemed to freeze.

“Would you like to be my maid of honour ?” she lets out suddenly.

You arched an eyebrow and smirked.

“I mean … you’re the only friend I’ve got here and … Ben is a dumbass. And a boy.”

“Yeah right … I’d be honoured.” you chuckled.

Without warning, Sloane hugged you tightly, resting her chin upon your shoulder. This felt good actually, and you got a bit moved knowing that you both needed it. At this moment Sloane’s wedding became your last most important mission. You wanted to ensure that it’ll be the night of her life and all the happiness she could feel, the same you felt back then, shan’t be disturbed.

• • •

The Hotel Oblivion had never been as beautiful as it was now, with the Hargreeves being the last survivors on earth. Celebrating a wedding a day before the end of the world had something rather beautiful.

You were standing by the aisle, beside Sloane, as you were her maid of honor. You looked at her and Luther with a kind of nostalgia, smiling a bit sadly while Klaus was pronouncing some vows.

As Klaus’s speech continued, Five kept his eyes on you. He couldn’t help but feel a pang of nostalgia himself as he took in the moment. All the people he loved most were here with him, yet he knew deep down that these would be the last moments they’d get to spend together like this. The thought was more than a little concerning to him, and the hand holding his glass subconsciously clenched into a fist.

At the end of the ceremony, everyone went their separate ways, some dancing on the dance floor, some at the buffet. You headed directly to the bar where all the alcohol was, serving yourself a glass of whisky with the same nostalgia and sadness in your eyes.

Even though you had moved to the bar, it was as if Five’s eyes had never once left you. So he grabbed another glass and joined you at the bar.

“Are you just planning on staying here all night ?” he asked, taking a seat next to you.

Just by his tone, it seemed as if he was trying to hide his concern under his usual snarky demeanor.

“Aren’t you ?” you asked, pouring some whisky into his glass.

You sighed and lifted your glass to raise a toast with him, your smile a bit off. Five raised his glass as well, clinking it against yours.

“You’ve got a point there.”

He took a rather large gulp of the drink before setting the glass down. Five glances at you as a look of concern crossed his face again.

“You’ve got that look on your face. You alright ?”

You sighed and drank your glass bottoms up, then filled it up again. You then turned to see Sloane and Luther dancing happily.

“Do you have any regrets ?” you asked monotonously. “I mean… we never had the time to really enjoy a happy married couple life, you know ?”

He turned his head towards you and raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“Are you being serious right now ?” he quipped.

“That’s what you’re worried about ? Really ?”

“Did we, Five ?” you asked, looking right at him with pain in your eyes. “I mean, yes, we got married, but for what ? Working two years at the Commission with your name after mine and then coming back in 2019 to save the world and have no fucking break.”

You sighed and drank your glass again, bottoms up, not disturbed by the strength of the alcohol.

He sighed, running a hand down his face as he spoke.

“That … that’s not a very fair question. It’s not as if we could’ve helped it.” he started off, trying to reassure you as he picked up his glass and swirled the alcohol around. “Things just happened that we had to deal with. Like you said, we were more focused on stopping the apocalypse than ... anything normal couples would usually do.”

“I dreamt of a retirement, Five. I truly did,” you let out. “Reappearing here with damn teenage appearances, I… I thought we had a second chance, you know ? Having a whole life for ourselves. But no.”

You sniffed and poured yourself another glass. A look of hurt and concern spread across his face even more at this. He knew how badly you had wanted to experience life like every normal people did and all that came with it, and seeing you admit how disappointed you were … it was crushing for him.

He put his hand on your shoulder, gently squeezing it as he tried to find the right words to say to console you.

“You know it’s not too late, right ?” he said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

“We only have a day left, Five. Don’t mock me.”

He grabbed you by both shoulders and turned you to face him, gripping them tight.

“I am not.” he said defensively, his voice regaining its hard, blunt tone. “You’d know that if you’d just listen to me for a minute. What I’m trying to say is … you want to experience being a normal, young adult ? Fine. Well, there’s nothing stopping us now, is there ? So stop sulking and start enjoying this while it lasts.”

You looked at him with surprised eyes, rather shocked by what he said. You didn’t have the words, mouth slightly open. The music stopped and another song started : "Fernando" by ABBA. You felt shivers down your spine hearing it. It was the song that played during your first dance … well, it played on the car radio, and you danced somewhere on the side of the road on your way back from your little clandestine marriage back in 1977.

As soon as he heard the opening beats of this special song, he couldn’t help but smirk and internally snicker, already anticipating his next move. He grabbed your hand with a slightly tight grip and started to pull you to the dance floor.

“Five, what are you doing ?” you gasped, leaving your glass on the table.

You were still a bit shocked but let him pull you anyway.

“Oh my ! Five is going to dance !” Lila exclaimed.

“Awwwww, that is way too cuuuuute !” Klaus chuckled.

“Gross.” Ben added.

Five glared at the others as he dragged you towards the dance floor, ignoring their teasing. However, the death glare changed back into a smirk once he got onto the dance floor and pulled you into his arms.

“Just shut up and dance with me,” he quipped.

“But you never dance …” you whispered.

But you didn’t say a word when he placed your hands on his shoulder and in his palm.

“You’ve been wanting to have your time to enjoy yourself as a married couple, right ?” he asked, his voice quieter now. “So then … why not spend our last night doing exactly that ?”

You huffed, touched by his words. It seemed like the end of the world had opened his eyes somehow, and enjoying every last minute with the people he loved felt more important now, ever since he met his old version saying that he shouldn’t save the world and all that awful stuff …

You smiled at him widely.

“Thank you …” you almost whispered.

His heart felt both heavy and warm at your words. Heavy in the fact that he was suddenly very aware of how limited their time was … but warm in the fact that it seemed like you’d finally come back to your senses.

“Save your thanks and enjoy yourself for the night, okay ?” he replied quietly, a small smirk on his lips. “The only reason I’m doing this is so you’ll stop moping and complaining, just so you know.”

“Yeah, right.”

You chuckled, knowing that he was doing it for himself too.

“Though we never thought that we could lose, there's no regret.” you quietly hummed along.

Five spun you around, and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit, enjoying himself much more than he thought he would. Seeing him smile like this, being truly happy after a long time, moved you a bit. Those dimples, his glimmering eyes …

As you hummed to the lyrics of the song, the smirk on his face widened, and he began to sing along.

"If I had to do the same again, I would, my friend, Fernando."

[formulapierre]

Timezone | Charles Leclerc

pairing: charles leclerc x y/n!reader

prompt: based off my favourite song at the moment; Timezone by Maneskin. Where Charles is fed up with being so far away from you at a time where both of your lives are changing, not that he knows that.

warnings: 18+ as brief mentions of sex

word count: 4.6k

Song:

“You're wearing my old clothes, but you, you wear it better And every time I see your face, the moon should be jealous”

“Bonsoir Amour,” Charles says as his face pops up on your screen. “You look tired,” He quickly adds, as you make yourself comfortable on the bed you usually share.

“I am, work was a nightmare…all I want is to go to sleep and your shirts just don’t cut it anymore darling,” You joke as you show him the shirt you were wearing, it was one of his favourite linen button-ups; the one he likes to wear when you go driving down the Monegasque coastline together. 

You had sprayed it with the few drops of his cologne that were left in the bottle…but that was starting to fade, seeing how long he’d been gone. Nothing was the same as when you fell asleep in his arms; his warm chest pressing against your back, arm around your waist as he told you how much he loved you. “Stay with me?” You ask, turning off the bedside lamp as you prop your phone on the side table.

“Of course, I’ve got tons of emails to go through so I will probably still be here when you wake up,” He jokes as he sets his phone against the wall, atop the makeshift desk in his foreign hotel room. He continued to talk as you rested your head on the pillow below, wanting to listen to how Pierre ended up locking himself inside his hotel room; knowing that this was about as good as time-together got at the moment but also knowing that you had to be up early for work tomorrow. 

The latter finally proved to be more important.

“And I keep talking to the wall 'til he's a friend of mine”

Charles continued to talk for an hour until he broke eye-contact with the laptop in front of him to find the peaceful image of you fast asleep. He starts to question how worth it all is. Is his job, His dream worth more than you? Shouldn’t he be home with you, letting you rant about your day as he made dinner? But then He supposes once he met you, his dreams changed.

Growing up, Charles’ dreams were about one thing. Becoming world champion. But since meeting you he can't help dreaming of you, and everything you could become together. He would imagine the chateau you would have in the south of France in which you would raise your children (He knew you wanted children as you had expressed it before when He asked…but only at a time that suited you both, you didn’t want to be raising them yourself, and Charles didn’t want that either. Or at least…that was the plan)

“I would sacrifice it all for you…” He said quietly as he admired your sleeping figure. “Every last bit, every race, every win…if it meant I didn’t have to leave you like this amour, I don’t know how much longer I can be apart from you” He continues, ignoring the sole tear threatening to roll down his face. His mood quickly changed when He imagined your response. How you would tell him ‘don’t worry about me’ and how ‘I’ll still be here when you get back’

But what you wouldn’t tell him was that you selfishly wished for nothing more, if only you had fallen for the guy next door. Why did he have to have such lofty dreams and ambitions…but also the ability to make them come true? You wished nothing but the world for him, and his happiness was yours; so why when you spoke to him over the phone did he always seem so…sad?

“I call you every hour just to tell you that I'm losing my mind”

“If not for you-” You sang as you swept the apartment, your daily Saturday routine nearly over and you were excited as Qualifying was only a few hours away. The music quieted by the incoming call you were receiving. You quickly hurried to the kitchen where your phone lay on charge next to the speaker. You disconnected both before answering.

“Charles? Is everything ok?” You ask, you knew with only a few hours until Quali he needed pure focus so this was unexpected.

“N-No…I-” He tries to say but you shush him as you move over onto the couch.

“Turn on your camera,” You say, revealing a tear-stained Charles. Your heart shattering into a million pieces to see him like this. “Hey, look at me…you are ok, take some deep breaths,” You say and he quickly does as he’s told, collapsing down onto the couch in his drivers room.

“I can’t do this anymore,” He says quietly, probably not wanting to alert anyone else in the hospitality to the situation. 

“What can’t you do?” You ask confused.

“This…you and me-. The pressure I-” He starts to say before he realises what he said. “N-Not like that Amour. This distance between us. I haven’t seen you in nearly two months, I’m not myself without you, I’m losing my mind not being able to kiss you or hold you. I don’t know how much longer I can do this? Questions are being raised within the team, the media are saying I’m off my game.” He questions, his voice wavering at the end.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about. You are at the top of your game, Ferrari are performing as well as they have ever been and there are only two more races before you get to come back home…you’ll see me in just over two weeks darling. I know it’s hard, I feel it too. I walk around our apartment, remembering everything that's happened here and then I go to sleep alone, just waiting to see you again… But they are the sacrifices we have to make.” You tell him honestly as he wipes his face. He moved to the bathroom connected and you hear the tap running, assuming he is splashing his face with water. He returns to you much more calm and collected than before.

“T-Thank you Amour, I need to go but I will call you later,” He promises with a soft smile spread across his face.

“Good luck Darling,” You say before blowing him a kiss. You sit down to watch qualifying with baited breath, unaware of the toll your relationship was taking on your love.

“Now I know you're sleeping Where I'm supposed to be in”

*CALL NOT RECEIVED*

*CALL NOT RECEIVED*

*CALL NOT RECEIVED*

“Merde,” Charles swore as he threw his phone on the bed, he had finally gotten back to the hotel; only eight hours after the chequered flag. After celebrations, after media duties, after strategy debriefings, after engineering debriefings, after the awful traffic leaving the track, after everything…then, came you. But He had forgotten the time difference. You no doubt would have stayed up late to watch the race live, quickly sending him a congratulations text before falling asleep.

This was the part Charles hated the most, the loneliness. The empty hotel room, devoid of any emotion; leaving him with only his own thoughts for company. He longed for life to be different, for the days when he wasn’t under the spotlight. As much as Formula 1 was a team sport, he was the driver, so everything was done for him. He never had a chance to make many connections within the team.

Pierre was the exception, he was the childhood friend in the corner, always cheering him on. But even He had seen recently the shift in Charles’ mood. The change in how he interacted with others; shorter answers with the media, less patience for fans, sometimes borderline reckless driving on track. Pierre knew his reasons and how much Charles was struggling…that's why Pierre was the way He was. No long-term girlfriends, strenuous relationships with friends and his ‘fear’ of commitment. He saw what it was doing to his best-friend and didn’t like where it was headed.

“Wish I could've stayed”

“Have you got everything?” You ask your boyfriend as he wheels his three massive silver suitcases into the hallway.

“I think so, are you sure you’re alright to stay here by yourself? I could always ask Maman…you know she wouldn't say ‘no’ to staying a few weeks,” He offers again.

“Darling, I promise you, I will be fine. Eight weeks is only four-two week breaks. And I know I can do two weeks.” I assure him, taking his face in my hands as I do, slowly rubbing my thumb over his cheek. “I’ll still be here when you get back, and then you have a few weeks off where it can be just the two of us. We can do everything and Nothing if you want.” I remind him before pressing a kiss to his soft lips.

“I love you Ma Belle,” He mutters as he pulls away, resting his forehead against yours. You spend a few minutes just taking in each other, knowing this would be the last time you would be in the same room as him for a few months.

“Je t’aime Chérie,” You reply, both of you knowing that was the extent of your French vocabulary, somehow making it even sweeter.

“Only thing that keeps us apart Is seven thousand miles, running like a mad dog”

“This won’t take long, I promise,” Charles is told as he sits down at the table, around which sits his team. His lead Engineer, His PR officer, His Trainer and His Team principal. “We just wanted to make sure everyone is on the same page with what's going on over the coming weeks,”

“Ok, has anything changed?” He asks, looking over the calendar on his Ipad.

“After your performance in the last few races we think it would be beneficial to get in some extra SIM work once we return from China…a week maybe two will be more than en-” His Engineer says tentatively.

“No, absolutely not,” Charles says adamantly, his fists balling as the device thuds on the table. “I haven’t been home in over 6 weeks…I-I’m not waiting another month-” He says getting up. “I’m not doing this now…we focus on these two races,” He tells them before walking out the same door he had walked through not 10 minutes before.

“Only thing that keeps us apart Is a different timezone”

CURRENT TIME — 17:36

HOME TIME —--- 02:36 

The icon on his home screen taunted him as he watched the minutes tick by, the drive from the track to his hotel seeming even longer than usual. His mind goes back to that meeting, how dare they ask him to go to Maranello for another two weeks, he was there only a few days before he flew out for the first of the 6 races he was away for. 

Did they understand that you were waiting on him? Did they care? Charles was beginning to think they didn't. If they did they would have at least offered him a week or two at home first. He sighed in frustration as thoughts swirled in his head, the usual thoughts when He was left alone…

“So fuck what I'm dreaming, this fame has no meaning”

“I want to come home Maman, I want to see her. It is unbearable to be without her any longer,” Charles said to his mother as they spoke, ironically mirroring your words from when you spoke to her a few days ago…’It’s unbearable to see him like this’.

“I know it is Cherie, it's the same feeling I felt when you and your Papa were travelling the world for your karting…you have wanted this for so long, I can see how much your racing means to you. But as your Mother I just want you to be happy, so if she makes you happier than you could ever be, then go for it. You’ve won races, you’ve won championships but you have to ask yourself if this particular one is worth all the pain I can see you’re in?” She asked as she sat on her balcony in Monaco. Unbeknownst to him however, that the exact person he was talking about, was sitting on his Mothers couch, listening to the conversation and reading a book.

“-I know, I know…she said the same thing. It would be slightly more bearable if the time-difference wasn’t so big. I called her 3 times last week and only then did I realise she would be fast asleep,” He complained. Your heart had sunk when you got back into bed and realised you had three missed calls from him; you had to very quickly run to the bathroom out of fear of vomiting on the floor, so didn’t even think about grabbing your phone and messaging him back.

“Only a few more weeks and you will be back in her arms, I promise,” She says before ending the call. The clouds covering the sun forced her inside as the wind picked up. “How are you feeling?” She asks, pressing her ice cold hand to your forehead.

“Honestly?” You ask and she nods. “Like shit, I can't get rid of this nausea, and every time it feels like it’ll pass, it comes straight back,” You admit as you take a sip of the steaming tea she had made you only minutes before you were interrupted.

“The first few months are like that. It was the same with Lorenzo and Arthur…don’t tell Charles though but he was a dream, no sickness, no nothing and labour was a breeze,” She says causing you to laugh, Mr Charles ‘Perfect’ Leclerc struck again.

“I'm coming home”

*CONFIRM FLIGHT MA1611 TO NICE*

    [CONFIRM]    [CHECK BOOKING]

Charles pressed the confirm button instantly, without hesitation. Without thought of the consequences of what would happen with his team; He would be at least a week early. He didn’t care about this last race, He didn’t care how close his rival was to him in terms of points. He didn’t care about anything…except getting home to you. He asked his Maman to collect him from the airport and drop him at home. He also swore her to secrecy but that seemed like the least important part. 

“I wouldn’t have the balls…” Pierre said from across the table.

“You know how I feel about it, and Her,” He simply replied. But it was true, Pierre did know as they had talked about it for hours. Charles felt like Pierre was the only one who truly understood what it took and continued to take.

“I didn’t mean it like that…just make sure I’m the best man at the wedding alright?” He joked, neither of you had really discussed getting married. It just didn’t seem important at the time, but now, Pierre’s comment had planted a seed.

“Only thing that keeps us apart  Is a different timezone” “Tomorrow I got another plane,”

“How are you feeling about this last race?” His trainer asked as they walked through the international airport, only minutes away from boarding the flight to the final race.

“I’m feeling good, -I’m just going to go to the bathroom, you guys board without me…I’ll only be a few minutes,” Charles smoothly lied; He knew that the bathroom had two entrances in front of two different sides of the terminal. 

“I'm not gonna take it”

He checked his watch and saw that his other flight was about to depart so He started to run. He shouted ‘sorry’ as he brushed past someone, others choosing to move out the way as He ran through the airport. He looked at the gate numbers as he ran. 35…..34…..33…..32…..31…..30. He sighed as he finally reached it. The last few people started to board as he took a minute to compose himself before approaching. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself as the Stewardess checked his boarding pass.

“Welcome onboard Mr. Leclerc,” She said politely to him before showing him behind the curtain to his left. He relaxed as He settled into his seat. Only 12 more hours until He would be with you.

“Instead, I'm gonna fly straight to you, I paid double for the tickets” “And I don't give a shit about the contracts that I signed”

*MISSED CALL*

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*SHOW [128] OTHER MISSED CALLS*

He didn’t even manage to put his seatbelt on before the calls started flooding in, he quickly silenced his phone and tucked it into the bottom of his bag. He really hoped he was making the right decision. 

Charles was so exhausted from the past two months that He slept almost the whole way home, something very unusual for him. He was finally woken by the Stewardess telling him they were about to start their descent into Nice. At that news He woke up almost instantly, eager to be reunited with his Maman and see a familial face.

He made sure he was one of the first off the plane and was glad that his celebrity afforded him to be escorted through the airport and straight into arrivals. He didn’t have any bags to collect as they would be in the Middle East by now, probably with a group of very confused Ferrari employees. Pascale spotted her son almost immediately as He walked into the Arrivals hall, arms wrapping around him and pulling him into her.

“I’m proud of you, Cherie,” She says, kissing him on the cheek. “Let’s get you home,” His Maman adds as they start to walk out of the airport, a place Charles wished to not see for a very long time.

“And they can say whatever,”

“I’ll just drop you here,” Pascale says as she arrives outside your apartment building.

“Thank you Maman, for everything,” Charles says as he kisses her on the cheek before getting out of the car. He rifles through his bag looking for his swipe pass that would allow him access to the building. As annoying as it was having to have the card, you couldn’t get into the building or up the elevators without it. He swung his bag over his shoulder before shutting the door. Charles went onto autopilot as he swiped into the building, swiped to open the elevator, pressed the button for the top floor, and walked towards your door. It was only until he reached your door that the gravity of the situation dawned on him. He had just deserted his team and travelled 12 hours across the globe to see you.

He raised his hand to knock. Should he knock? Technically he lived here too…He twisted the handle and walked into your shared apartment. He could see you out on the balcony, eyes shut and enjoying the fresh-air. Charles tried to be as quiet as He could, He took his shoes off and dumped his bag before slowly walking towards you. 

The double doors were wide open as Charles approached and found you sleeping. He sunk down onto his knees next to the lounger you lay in and took your hand in his.

“Amour,” He whispered as He brought the back of your hand up to his lips and pressed a firm kiss to it. You muttered something under your breath. “Mon Ange,” He cooed as he tried to rouse you from your sleep. 

“Mmh, want to sleep,” You groan as you try to swat his hand away.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me Amour,” He said, only now His voice registering in your head.

“Charlie?” You asked in utter disbelief as your eyes widened and you sat bolt upright. “You! You’re here!” 

“I am, and I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” He assures you as you scramble to get up, tugging your shirt over your growing stomach before throwing your arms around him.

“Why- what-. Charles?” You ask, hoping he’d know what you were asking him.

“They don’t know I’m here. I’m tired and so fucking fed up of having to be away from you,” He admits and you sigh pulling him into your chest.

“I know you are Darling,” You tell him as you stroke the top of his head and fiddle with the tips of his hair. You fall into a comfortable silence as you just hold each other.

“I’m-,” You say.

“Ma-,” He says at the same time. “Sorry Amour, you go first,” Charles says with a smile on his face.

“I-I’m pregnant,” You admit taking his hand and placing it on your stomach.

“You’re what?” He asks with wide eyes.

“Pregnant, We’re having a baby Charles,” You tell him again with a wide smile on your face as you place your other hand on his cheek and rub it softly.

“We’re going to have a baby” He repeats in disbelief and I just nod. “How far along are you?” He asks, lifting your shirt up to see your slightly swollen stomach.

“The doctors think about three-and-a-half to four months. So I was pregnant before you left but with everything going on, I guess I just forgot,” You say but it seems like he’s daydreaming.

“Marry me,”

“What Ch-,”

“That's what I was going to say before. Marry me Amour, I haven’t bought a ring yet but I’m down on my knees so I’m halfway there. I don’t know what to tell you that you don’t know already. You are my reason; you are why I get up in the morning, why I try so hard at work, why I’m here right now. It’s all for you, and now our growing family…so marry me” He says, putting both hands on your stomach. 

“You already know my answer Darling, you are my everything Charles,” You tell him, pulling him off of his knees and into your arms.

“I need you to say it,” He pleads.

“we'll be making love,” “ I'm fucking you tonight”

“Yes, I will marry you Mr Leclerc,” You say with a laugh as he picks you up and spins you around. “Charles, be careful. Morning sickness is not a joke,” You warn him and upon realisation he stops spinning you but picks you up, ironically, bridal style and carries you to your bedroom. “What are you-,”

“I want to fuck my fiancée, is that alright with her?” He asks teasingly as He places you down onto your bed gently.

“Let me check…,” You say, pretending to think. “She says she’s been waiting months for you to say that,” You say pulling him on top of you and letting yourself savour every moment of it.

“So fuck what I’m dreaming,  this fame has no meaning,”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Abu Dhabi and to the final race of the season!” The commentator announces as the camera pans down the pitlane. “It all comes down to today. With only 5 points in it, who will be crowned World Champion?” He asks. “Will it be double world champion Max Verstappen with RedBull? Or will it be reigning three-time world champion Charles Leclerc with Ferrari? Well, todays the day. Stay tuned for the duel in the desert!” He announces over the TV screen in Ferrari’s hospitality suite. You were sitting next to Charles' family. Both of his brothers and their girlfriends, His mum and some of his extended family that were able to make it.

“In a shock week for Ferrari, well…more like Charles Leclerc; the grid will say goodbye to one of its most talented today. After arriving here two days later than scheduled, Charles posted onto his social media and announced in the press conference that He is retiring and Yas Marina would be his last race. He is joined this weekend by his whole family as we celebrate a very accomplished driver; and most especially He is joined by long-term girlfriend and as of a few days ago; Fiancée, Y/N who is a very well-known face within the paddock. We also send the Leclerc family our biggest congratulations at the news of their impending arrival,” The commentator said as He walked the grid in preparation for today's race. You all started to make your way into the garage, Arthur offering to carry your bag as you were taken aside and onto the track. Ferrari wanted to take a few photos with the team and Charles refused to take them unless you were there.

“Thank you for being here Amour,” He said, taking you by the hand and escorting you over to where his car lined up on pole position.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world Darling,” You say, pressing a kiss to the side of his face. Charles’ PR manager took the photos they wanted before He was ushered off for the national anthem. Whilst you stood next to His car the same commentator from earlier approached you.

“I am joined now by Y/N Y/L/N, How are you?” He asks, pointing the microphone at you.

“I’m feeling amazing Martin. Nervous for today but Excited for the party that will no doubt ensue tonight,” You answer.

“So your money is on Charles for the win?” He asks and you scoff.

“I think it has to be, doesn't it?” You joke causing him to laugh.

“Probably wouldn’t be a great start to your marriage if you didn’t,”

“Your words not mine Martin,” You playfully remind him.

“Well congratulations to you and Charles on your recent engagement-” He says before he is spoken to via his earpiece. “Jenson would like me to remind you not to forget his invitation,” Martin Brundle explains.

“Jenson I promise you will be the first to get an invite, and I will hand deliver it myself If I have to,” I promised him whilst looking directly at the camera.

“-and finally before I have to head off. Another congratulations to you and Charles, upon the announcement of your baby.” He says causing you to blush at all the attention you were receiving.

“Thank you Martin, it really means a lot,” You reply with a smile.

“If you are open to name suggestions…might I suggest Martin? It’s a great name!” He asks in true Martin Brundle style.

“I will have to consult with my husband-to-be, but I’m sure we’ll work something out. You assure him before the National Anthem starts to play.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Charles_Leclerc

Liked by Pierre_Gasly and 1,406,356 others

Charles_Leclerc Nothing in my life compares to today.

Juliette Elise Leclerc and Leo MartÍn Leclerc; I cannot even begin to tell you how much my heart fills with joy every time I see you; your Maman and I are so unbelievably happy to introduce you to the world.

Y/N and I thank everyone for their kind words and messages over the past few days; we will however be taking some time away from the media whilst we adjust to our new lives as parents to our wonderful twins.

The birth of our children marks the start of a new chapter in both of our lives, one we have both been looking forward to for months. Before I take my leave I would like to dispel any rumours of my return to racing; I have no plan to return to racing in the foreseeable future as I plan to spend my time with my soon to be wife learning what it means to be a father.

Lastly, I just want to say how proud I am of Y/N, And how thankful I am to her for bringing our beautiful little girl and boy into the world.

Charles x

I hope you enjoyed reading, this is my first F1 oneshot I've published on tumblr so if you did enjoy it, please dont hesitate to let me know by dropping a comment. Thank you xxx

[thetriplets3]

melt - muse a holds muse b’s face gently, drawing circles into their cheeks with their thumbs

with matt its so cute

This is so cute I loved writing this please keep the requests coming <3

❊ delicate ❊

If there’s one word to describe how life has been lately it would be exhausting, in every aspect. I spend half my nights awake, restlessly tossing and turning thinking about the long list of things I need to do. I can’t seem to make the racing thoughts in my head stop.

I've isolated myself from my friends and more importantly, you. I’m trying to do a million things and keep my thoughts under control and not drag anyone down with me. Other than the odd text here and there to you we haven’t talked a lot in a week. I can’t help but feel bad. I don’t do this on purpose and you understand that, having experienced the same thing yourself. You give me space and know that I’ll come to you when I need help or when I’m ready.

Which brings me to now. Knocking on your door, I’m greeted by Nick who welcomes me in with a hug. He tells me that you and Chris have just gone to get groceries and should be back soon.

“I’ll let him find out on his own that you’re here” Nick tells me as he retreats to his room.

I send Nick a smile as I head to the comfort of your room. Simply being in your bed and the smell of your cologne is enough to make me fall asleep with ease for the first time in a while.

Matt’s POV:

Walking into my room I’m met with you sleeping peacefully in my bed. “Oh sweet girl” I coo to myself.

Taking my backpack and hoodie off and placing them on my chair, I carefully climb into bed trying to not wake you. I lie there facing you, happy that you feel safe enough to come to me when you need me. My eyes dance over your delicate features. My heart skips a beat whenever I look at you.

I love your eyes. They remind me of an endless galaxy that I never wanna leave, the way your eyes squint when you’re truly happy, how unknowingly expressive you are, the way everything about you's so perfectly suited, just for you. I can’t wrap my head around what there is that you could dislike about yourself. You’re the most beautiful person that has walked this earth and I can’t believe I get to call you my girlfriend.

Noticing you slowly start to wake up I place my hand gently on your cheek and begin softly rubbing circles into your skin. As your eyes open I can see the emotion and the toll this past week has taken on you. You don’t let this stop you from smiling back at me as your eyes flutter shut, taking in the physical contact you’ve been missing.

“You don’t know how happy I am to see you honey. Are you okay?” I whisper.

“I’m okay now that you’re here. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I don't mean to do it, it just feels easier to deal with it myself and not put it on other people” you whisper, sadness filling your voice.

“You’re not alone in this, I’m here for you, just like you are for me. Do you wanna talk about your week or do you wanna forget about it?” I ask.

“I know, thank you for being so patient with me. I wanna forget about it and just be with you right now. I’ve missed your touch” you say.

I open my arms inviting you in. You rest your head on my chest, tilting it up to look at my horse necklace as you fiddle with it. Wrapping one arm securely around you, knowing it makes you feel safe, the other makes its way back to your cheek. My thumb mindlessly draws circles on your soft skin. The warmth of my touch makes your eyelids flutter as they grow heavy, lulling you into a much needed sleep.

Even when things seem like they're falling apart, he's right there to pick up the pieces.

Taglist (msg me if you wanna be added)

@d0wnt0wnstu4n1ol0 @im-a-matt-girl @iluvmatt @antisocialties @stxrniqlo

[septnanis]

catch up

a bit about Riku and being a loner.

The surf comes in, soaks the back half of his pants. He knows when he stands up he’ll look ridiculous. Sora will point and laugh and tell him how ridiculous he looks.

Riku doesn’t mind. He likes to make Sora laugh. He always has.

The water is warm, warmed by the evening sun and the heat of a summer that never really ends on these islands. He never really noticed that, how his home was cradled in a static existence where the sun almost always shined and even when it stormed it just meant the sun would shine brighter the next day.

“You’ve always been too good at this,” Sora says from behind.

Riku looks up and over his shoulder at him.

“Good at what?” Riku asks.

Sora sits down next to him and smiles. Riku’s always been absolutely weak for Sora smiling but now that they’re growing from exuberant borderlining on goofy to bright and sweet, he’s pretty sure Sora could ask him to do terrible things and he’d do it without hesitation.

“Being alone,” Sora says and immediately frowns when it makes Riku laugh. “What?”

Riku shakes his head. “I’m not,” he says. “Good at being alone. The last few years being alone has lead to some questionable if not outright terrible decisions on my part.”

Sora stays quiet but stares intently.

“I isolated myself back home and ended up tossing it into darkness,” Riku continues. “Also ended up getting possessed which is weird because sometimes when it’s really quiet I can still hear him whispering in my mind. Maybe just a memory? I don’t know.”

The waves roll in just a fraction closer, but it makes both of them curl their toes into the wet sand.

“Castle Oblivion was me at my very best,” the sarcasm in his voice makes Sora frown a bit deeper. Riku is direct and dry in his communication but rarely sarcastic. “Kept that up but then blindfolded. Don’t get me started on Roxas and then transforming myself into the man who possessed me.”

“You did the best you could, Riku,” Sora says. Maybe it’s part of his dna, but he can’t help but feel sorry for his friend. “It must’ve been lonely.”

Riku grins. “When you said you wanted to go with me so we could do the Mark. Together…” He’s past caring about how this looks, so he sighs. “I was so happy. Even when we got split up..”

“Which was my fault,” Sora says with a sad look.

“Nah,” Riku says. “You did your best. Which is a thousand times better than most people’s best.” He leans down to lay his crossed arms on his raised knees. “It was the first time I felt like we were together. Even though we were apart, I still felt like you were with me.”

Riku doesn’t continue, like what happened after the Mark is something better left unsaid. The Dark Margin, the Graveyard, how Sora can’t remember Riku staring death down in a way none of their friends had been able to. He knows it happened, like Castle Oblivion happened, like he fell so deep into dreams Riku had to yank him out, memories because someone else told him.

“That year you were gone,” Riku says. “Don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone. Everyone was involved with finding you but, it was like they lived life alongside that. I just couldn’t. Felt like I was…”

Dancing on the kid’s grave, Cid had said to Riku. Chin up, he wouldn’t want you to be like this, maybe it’s time to move on, all those baseless platitudes that made Riku only more determined.

“Felt weird,” Riku says. “And wrong.”

“You found me, though,” Sora says with a grin.

Riku laughs again. “Yeah and you forgot all about me,” he says, leaning in close to Sora’s face, giving him a nudge with his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to!” Sora says with mock indignation. “You know… you’re always finding me.”

Riku frowns at him.

“You found me in Traverse Town,” Sora says. “And in Castle Oblivion. You found me all over the place once I woke up. You found me when I got lost during the Mark and when I fell to Darkness in the Graveyard…”

Riku startles and whips his head towards him. “You… you remember that?”

Sora doesn’t look at him but he grins. “I did eventually… in Quadratum,” he says. “It was you, how could it not be? It’s always you.”

“But Kairi…” Riku feels his face heat at his stammer, feeling caught out.

“Kairi kept my body from fading away,” Sora says with a fond look. “She’s so strong. Don’t think I’ve ever given her credit for that. I thought it was you at first! It felt like you… but then I thought it was Kairi. I mean… there she was, waiting for me in the Darkness.”

Riku turns his head back to the sea. The sunset is turning the water to that vibrant amber orange that Sora likes so much.

“But it was you,” Sora says. “Should’ve known it was you. And then you found me in Quadratum, even though I didn’t recognize you. If it hadn’t been for you, Kairi and I would’ve just wandered in the dark.”

Riku looks back at Sora when he feels a hand on his arm, curling around it with a firm grip.

“You were always so much brighter than all of us,” Sora says, his voice uncharacteristically solemn. “You were just too good at hiding it. And here I am, thinking you’re good at being alone. I fell for it again.”

Riku isn’t sure why it touches a nerve, but it does. His back straightens, his eyes feel a little warm, he tries to clear this throat as subtly as he can.

Sora looks right at him, uses his grip on Riku’s arm as leverage and presses a quick as can be kiss to Riku’s cheek. Riku whips his head around to stare at Sora with eyes so huge they feel like they might pop out. Sora, of course, is grinning.

“Haaa, wanted to do that for ages," Sora says. "Was that okay?”

Riku is stuck between disbelief and joy. He nods though, because this tiny act of affection from his dearest friend has been a thing he had given up wanting.

It’s his own fault - he’s never given up on Sora before, and for good reason.

So Riku returns the favor, moves in slow so Sora knows what’s coming. Sora tilts his head up invitingly and lets his eyes slip shut, which Riku takes as acceptance. The kiss he gives Sora lands on the corner of his mouth, momentary and fleeting.

Sora opens one eye when Riku draws back. “That was it?”

Riku’s cheeks are burning. “You’re such a dork,” he says. “Why am I even friends with you?”

Sora looks at him with a sort of knowing smile that says he knows exactly why but he’s not going to deprive himself of the pleasure at watching Riku squirm to get it out.

“You’re…” Riku starts. He shakes his head because he’s overwhelmed and Sora won’t stop gazing at him like he’s making the sun shine brighter. “Such a dork.”

Sora laughs, presses his cheek to Riku’s shoulder and lands a well aimed punch to his arm. “I really came down here to take you back to the ship,” he says. “Donald’s going to blow a gasket if we stay any longer.”

“Let him,” Riku says. He’s dutiful at his core though, so he stands, Sora still hanging from his arm.

Of course Sora bursts out laughing. “I get that sitting on the beach is nice, Riku,” he says, pointing at the wet seat of Riku’s pants. “But you could at least try and find a bush or tree.”

Riku nods his head with a sardonic grin and leans over to smack the equally wet seat of Sora’s pants. “Look who’s talking!”

It just makes Sora laugh even louder, setting off at a run up the beach back to the Gummi ship.

Riku follows, because he doesn’t like being alone. He doesn’t have to anymore.

He catches up quick.

[daydreamingfuel]

Freak Like Me

Chapter 7

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

AO3 // previous

Y/N has just moved to Hawkins from England with her parents and is starting at the high school in the final term of her senior year. Eddie immediately takes a liking to her and they become fast friends, deciding to take her under his wing and falling to her charms. This is Hawkins however and things are never quite as they seem...

WHOLE FIC TAGS & WARNINGS: gratuitous use of Y/N (I'm not sorry), friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, eventual smut, semi-fix-it-fic, angst, injury, canon dialogue and events used, canon graphic violence, no main character death :)

Chapter Tags & Warnings: Arguing, bickering, banter, mentions of readers dad's job...cause that's not important at all..., the whole gang is in this one so that's fun, platonic Stobin, hints at Stancy, Eddie gets jealous of Steve, slight possessive Eddie, a fuckton of swearing, Dustin is a little shit, as per usual, Steve gets sucked into the Upside Down,

Chapter Word Count - 6.5k

A/N - so this one is up only a week following the last one cause I had a burst of inspiration and confidence in my writing so go me! this is, however, the only good thing to come of this week - my front door lock to my house completely fell apart so I've been dealing with that, and my girlfriend moved back to uni so I'm sad af. But my favourite Dungeon Master always helps.

She was paralysed by fear, déjà vu washing over her as flashes of the argument following Chrissy’s death flickered in her mind. The world blurred around her as she swam after Eddie, who had immediately started to swim back to the boat as soon as Jason dived down to get Patrick's body. Her entire body ached as she moved, catching up with Eddie, who paused momentarily upon hearing her come after him.

“Y/N we need to go, right now, come on!” He called out to her, the panic strong in his shaking voice as he pulled himself back onto the boat.

Still willing her arms to move and her legs to kick as hard as they could, her thoughts spiralled, going through every possible outcome and what she should have done differently before. She had a chance to do it right this time and, whatever the outcome, she would stay by Eddie’s side. Once she was back at back at the boat, and clambered back into it with Eddie’s help, the pair each picked up a paddle to get themselves away.

“We could still plead our case! Jason has seen that you didn’t lay a hand on Patrick - they have no evidence!” She pleaded, in a last-ditch effort as they rowed for their lives towards the shore, but Eddie was practically vibrating in frustration as they pulled themselves and the boat up onto the bank, covered the boat in the tarp and disappeared into the tree line. Eddie tried desperately to call Dustin on the walkie, but the water had seeped into the electrics of the radio and completely broken it.

“Jesus Christ!” Eddie exclaimed, the rage spilling over, “Y/N, come on, it doesn’t matter if there’s no evidence, they’re still going to pin this on me!”

“On us.” She corrected, making him stop in his tracks ahead of her, “I’ve been caught red-handed at the scene of the crime, just like you. If I wasn’t a suspect before, I definitely am now.”

He shook out some of the water from his hair and clothes as he processed how much trouble they were in. Stood between the trees with sirens echoing in the distance, but growing louder with each second, he stared at her in bewilderment, unable to conceal his worsening aggravation, “So what are we supposed to do, huh? Got any bright ideas?”

“Hey!” She snapped, “No need to get all pissy at me, it’s not like I’m the one killing people.”

“No! It’s not you or me - it’s a homicidal wizard from an alternate dimension. Let’s go tell that to the police, and get ourselves thrown in the loony bin in the process!” He snapped back, which made her pause to take a breath.

Y/N closed their eyes in thought, calming herself down somewhat. It was a meaningless fight; she knew that she couldn’t go to the police now or she’d be arrested on sight. They both would. She took a few deep breaths and rubbed at her clothes in a futile attempt to get warm, shaking out her hands afterwards in agitation. “Fine. Fine! You win.” Y/N said sharply, letting the ire seep into her words, “But if we are Bonnie-and-Clyde-ing this shit, I need to get a message to my mum.”

As they walked through the forest, night creeping into the early morning hours, they bickered about how exactly they were to get Y/N’s mum a message. At one point they considered finding their way to the house and leaving her a physical message, or talking to her in person, but quickly decided that it would be too risky for everyone involved. She didn’t want her mum to get in any more trouble. Ultimately, as they found a spot to rest for the night, they agreed that they would find a way to contact the others and ask that they deliver the message to her themselves in the morning. Shaking, Y/N slumped against the giant rock formation that Eddie had led her to and passed out, right as the birds started to sing.

Sunlight splintered through the trees, hitting her face in the morning glow, and soon the light was too much to bear, her eyes fluttering open. She woke to discover that she had been covered in Eddie’s battle vest for warmth at some point during the night and the man himself was nowhere to be seen. Panic settled in the pit of her stomach, twisting horribly as thoughts of her abandonment ran wild in her head. She clutched the vest tightly in her hands as she paced the clearing for any signs of his disappearance. The embellished denim was in desperate need of a was, much like everything they were wearing, but she cradled it to herself nonetheless. Subconsciously, she knew that he would never just abandon it or her, but her mind was too clouded with fear to think straight. A snapping twig alerted her to someone's arrival. She spun on her heels to see Eddie emerging through the trees, a new walkie in his hands.

Receiving his vest to his face as it was thrown at him, Eddie was greeted hostilely by Y/N, “Where the fuck did you go?”

“Good morning to you too, sweetheart. The walkie was drowned, I found us a new one,” He held it up as though it wasn’t already obvious in his hands, “I wasn’t gone that long, I was gonna wake you when I got back.”

“Next time, wake me up before you go.” She mumbled as he settled on the floor next to her, in the shade of the giant boulder formation. Finally cognitive, the fear that fogged her mind subsided somewhat, she was able to take in her surroundings and see where it was Eddie had brought her in the early hours of the day “Where are we, anyway?”

He fiddled with the buttons on the walkie as he spoke, eyes laser-focused on tuning into the right channel, “Skull Rock. It’ll do as a hiding spot for the moment, but it’s kinda infamous as a hook-up spot.”

“Oh really?” She questioned and he hummed in confirmation, tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration, not looking away from the walkie in his hands, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered, but it’s kinda bad timing.” She teased, though her body did heat up at the thought, from both the exhilaration at the wild thoughts running through her head and the jealousy that plagued her at the possibility that he had been here with other people. She quickly pushed away both feelings, it was neither the time nor place to deal with either of those thoughts.

He snorted and allowed a small smirk to grace his lips, but it fell as fast as it appeared, as he finally found the right channel and pressed the call button on the walkie, “Dustin, can you hear me? Wheeler?”

“Eddie. Holy shit. Are you okay?” Dustin's voice immediately answered through the radio, the worry coming through strong, and Y/N sighed in deep relief.

“Nah, man,” Eddie confessed easily, his nerves still rattling him, Dustin's voice after so long causing the man to crack beside her. He ran a stressed hand over his face as he talked, “Pretty… Pretty goddamn far from okay.”

There was a pause on the line briefly before Dustin asked, “Where are you? Is Y/N with you?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” Y/N answered, huddled up to Eddie’s side, and leaning on his shoulder to talk, “we’re at Skull Rock. Do you know it?”

“Uh, yeah. That's near Cornwallis and-” Dustin started but was cut off by Steve.

“Garrett, yeah. I know where that is.” His voice was hushed like he wasn’t right next to the speaker, but standing near Dustin. Knowing he was there, and presumably would be driving, she called out to him, grabbing the walkie.

“Steve wait!”

There was silence for a moment before his voice came back through, “Y/N? What’s up, we don’t have much time.” His voice was dripping with concern and confusion, almost familial in tone – like a stressed dad, so she spoke as concisely as possible.

“Before you come to us, I need you to get a message to my mum.” Before she could be cut off, she continued, “And yes, I know that’s reckless, but I need you to do this for me, please, Steve – tell her to call my dad and his lawyers. And that I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, I’m not sure that’s the best-”

She cut him off, desperate, squeezing the walkie, “Steve, please!”

Her voice echoed slightly, as Eddie pulled the walkie from her hands to grip them tightly, until Dustin’s voice finally responded, “Hold tight. We're coming.” Y/N took a shaking breath, “We're coming.”

The static that followed echoed in the small space beneath the towering rock formation, they would be alone again for a while. Still very much shaken from the previous night, Eddie placed the walkie in the leaves at their feet and re-laced his fingers with Y/N’s. She immediately squeezed back, letting her body melt into his side, head nestled in the crook of his neck, arms wrapping around each other protectively. Eventually, she muttered, “My dad’s gonna kill me before Vecna gets a chance to.”

“Do you think his lawyers will be able to help?” Eddie fretted and Y/N nodded softly, “What does your dad even do anyway? You never talk about him.”

She sighed and sat upright, picking at her clothes that had half dried and were fitting uncomfortably, “He’s not really allowed to talk about his job, I know the project he was working on was pretty big though, had him staying late and stressed all the time. He had barely any patience or attention left for me or mum, but she got to see him more than I did at least. I know it’s something technical and sciencey, for a subsect of the Government - all very secretive.” She flourished her hands dramatically, before letting them fall back into her lap, “I know he’s good at his job, whatever it is. We were told when he was recruited by this Doctor, that they might need to transfer him temporarily without notice and it wouldn’t be negotiable, which put a strain on my parents' relationship - they’ve barely been apart in 20 years.” Finally, she turned her head to look at him, crossing her legs and resting her cheek on her hand propped up on her knee, “But the security incentive helped. Not just financially but the insurance and the lawyers should anything happen, in case of an emergency.”

“And this counts as an emergency?” Eddie asked her, not quite believing in his own importance. He didn’t need to say what he was really asking, as their eyes locked Y/N could see every emotion swimming in the dark chocolate irises – the distress, the anger, the exhaustion, the anguish. But also, the desperate relief, that she cared about him enough to take his side and stay there. To call in reinforcements on his behalf.

She gazed at him, hoping that he would understand, “Of course it does.”

An hour, then two, crawled by. Hungry, tired, and scared, Y/N and Eddie huddled together under the shade of Skull Rock. They barely talked, too preoccupied with listening out for any signs of life nearby. Steve wouldn’t be able to drive his car into the clearing itself, so their rescuers would be coming to them on foot. But the pair were acutely aware that foes as well as friends were on the hunt for them too. At the sounds of bushes rustling and twigs snapping close by, they tensed and scrambled to their feet, hiding behind the rocks and in the trees. However, their instinct to take cover was quickly deemed unnecessary as familiar voices were soon relieving their fear.

“Oh, boom! Bada bing, bada boom.” Steve, confidently strolled into the clearing, Dustin following close behind, “There she is, Henderson. Skull Rock. In your face, man. In your stupid, cocky little face.”

Dustin checked something in his hand, and looked up at the rock formation in bewilderment, “Doesn't make sense.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve rolled his eyes and started lecturing the young teen, “Even with it staring you in the face, you can't admit it. Can't admit you're wrong, you butthead.”

“I concur.” Feeling safer amongst friends, Eddie made his presence known, jumping down from the rock he was hiding behind, “You, Dustin Henderson, are a… total butthead.”

Dustin smiled in relief and immediately went to hug Eddie, “Jesus, we thought you were a goner.”

“Yeah, me too, man.” Eddie hugged back, avoiding his backpack, and looking over his capped head past Steve, to where Y/N was emerging from the trees behind Steve, “Me too.”

Scurrying over, Y/N poked Steve in the side, the yellow fabric of his jumper soft under her hands, “Hey stranger.”

“Hey,” Steve wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a warm hug, “I knew you staying was a bad idea, but I’m glad you’re safe. You are okay, right?”

“As okay as I can be, Harrington.” She assured him with a half smile.

As Steve and Eddie gave each other a cursory nod and smile, Dustin pulled Y/N away for an embrace themselves, and she squeezed him tightly, rocking from foot to foot gently. They laughed lightly, as they expressed their relief at each other’s safety. Robin, Nancy, Lucas, and Max all wandered into the clearing, making Y/N smile more. Calling Lucas over, she gave him a quick squeeze before greeting the others, checking to see if they too were okay. Max had her headphones hanging around her neck, leading to the Walkman clipped tightly to her jeans, just as it had been the last time she had seen her, a look in her eye telling Y/N that she was too deeply aware of the danger they were all in. Robin in her endearing awkwardness, gave Y/N a wave and Nancy stood next to her, gave a polite ‘hello’ before she handed Y/N a grocery bag.

“Thank you, so much, I’m starving- Ed’s!” Y/N interrupted herself, and Eddie perked up at her call, scampering over to her, “Food.”

Eagerly, Eddie reached out and took some of the stuff that the group had brought for them, quickly taking the six-pack of beer that Nancy had, in fact, bought. As Y/N sat to eat, Steve rummaged through a large backpack, pulled out a Tupperware box and wandered over to sit by her. He handed her the tub with a folded-up piece of paper reading ‘For Y/N’ taped to the lid, “Your mom gave me this to give to you. I haven’t read it, swear, but she was shaking a little when she was writing it so I don’t think you should read it just yet. You know, with everyone around?”

“Yeah…thanks, Steve,” Y/N carefully pulled the note from the box and pocketed it, “How was she? Just, like…generally?”

“She definitely believes in you. She was terrified, of course, but, yeah she, uh…she didn’t really question it when we said what you asked, just thanked us, wrote the note, gave us the food and told us to be safe.” Steve seemed baffled by the interaction, standing up to leave her in peace, but Y/N just nodded and laughed lightly to herself.

Lost in thought, she could only reply, “Classic mum.” Eddie plonked himself hip to hip with Y/N as she opened the tub, finding disposable cutlery inside along with Y/N’s favourite family recipe, which she happily shared with him.

The group at Skull Rock gathered to debrief on the events of the past few days as Eddie and Y/N devoured Mrs Y/L/N’s cooking. Steadily, they told their fugitive friends that they had figured out that Vecna was linked to the infamous Creel murders in the 1950s, all the victims killed in the same manner by a mysterious force that was ultimately pinned on an innocent man, Victor Creel, who had been locked up for decades, driven mad by the memories. The previous night while Eddie and Y/N were hiding and running from Jason, they had been exploring the abandoned Creel house. In turn, Eddie and Y/N explained as best as they could what had happened and what they saw, the friends around them hanging on to every detail trying to piece it together with what they had been up to.

“When we got to the shore, I tried calling you guys, but, uh…my walkie was busted, man. Drenched. So, uh, I did the thing that I do now, apparently.” Eddie gave a cynical smile, “I ran.”

Y/N chuckled dryly, “And I followed. Though we kinda figured, it was that or be arrested for murder.”

Eddie hummed in acknowledgement of their brief spat the night before, before taking a huge gulp of the beer that Nancy had ultimately brought him before passing it to Y/N who too, took a swig.

“Do you know what time this was? The attack?” Nancy asked deep in thought, going over all the details. Y/N had heard about her particular proclivity for the details and piecing things together by Dustin, talking about how good his older friends would be at Dungeons & Dragons if they just gave it a chance.

Eddie nodded, “Yeah, no, I… I know exactly what time it was.” He fiddled with the strap of his busted watch, “My walkie wasn't the only thing that got soaked.” He threw it to her once it was off and she caught it easily.

“9:27,” Nancy confirmed her thoughts to the group.

Robin immediately got the hint and added, “Same time our flashlights went kablooey.”

“Which means what, exactly?” Steve, much like Y/N and Eddie, was still rather confused about the perceived link between the events.

Nancy, putting the pieces together, explained, “That that surge of energy, was Vecna attacking Patrick.” She threw Eddie back his watch, and despite it being broken he put it back on, the feeling of it not being there having weirdly unsettled him. It seemed as though a lightbulb turned on in Y/N’s mind as their combined events of the past few days clicked into place.

“Well, we're one step closer.” Robin said, seeing the silver lining to the situation at hand, “We know how Vecna attacks.”

“And where he attacks from,” Lucus added. A small ray of hope started to shine through the cracks, but wasn’t quite bright enough to wash away all of Y/N’s fear.

Max, having been cursed by Vecna herself, and already had an attack attempted on her, finished the thought, “So now we just need to sneak into his lair in the Upside Down and drive a stake through his heart.”

“If he even has a heart,” Robin added, doubtful, as though she could read Y/N’s mind.

Steve, who was standing by the rock where Y/N was sat, with arms folded across his chest, thought out loud, vaguely confused, “Stake? Is he like a vamp- Is he a vampire?”

Y/N could tell that his question was somewhat genuine, and also felt vague amounts of frustration from the others, so not wanting to add to that, answered, “I think it was a metaphor, but at this point who knows, he could be.” She reached up and squeezed his elbow softly, as she spoke without condescension, which Steve appreciated greatly.

Eddie tried not to pay any mind to how gentle Y/N was with Steve - refusing to let it bruise his ego as he recalled the frequent vulnerable moments she chose to share with him over the recent days - as he suggested, “A bullet should work on him, right?”

“I say we chop his head off.” Lucas offered bluntly, making Y/N nod in agreement.

“I’d say all of the above,” Nancy interjected, trying to stay logical, “but we can't do any of that 'til we find a way into the Upside Down.”

Max, aggravated at how complex the problem they needed to solve was, wished, “We need El to get her powers back.”

“Everything was way easier,” Steve emphasised, then looked down to Y/N and Eddie, “We had this girl. She had superpowers-”

“Superpowers. Yeah, you mentioned her.” Eddie replied, slightly cutting him off as he was distracted, watching Dustin – who had been pacing back and forth behind the little circle the group had formed as they talked, barely paying attention to what had been said. Deeply confused by the young teens' behaviour, Eddie asked, “Hey, uh, Henderson's not, uh, cursed, is he?”

And Steve answered, with an annoyance only known to that of older siblings, at their wit's end with their younger relation, “Cursed? No, no. He's fine. Mental? Absolutely.”

“Boom!” the teen in question finally shouted, turning to the rest of the group at long last, his voice echoing in the trees startling everyone except Steve. As he spoke, he stalked towards his surrogate brother, pointing a knowing finger at him, “Bada… bada… boom. I was right. Skull Rock was north.”

Steve was incredulous, “Seriously? You're serious?” and Dustin hummed in response, nodding with a smug little smirk, so Steve continued, “This is Skull Rock. Okay? You're totally, absolutely, 100% wrong. Right now.”

“Yes. And no.”

“Oh my God,” Steve ran his hands over his face, having to walk away from the boy.

Y/N, holding back a laugh at the brotherly rapport between the two boys, asked in confusion at the sudden outburst, “Dustin, what’s the point of this?”

Immediately, Dustin launched into an almost patronising but still endearing explanation of why he wasn’t wrong, “This compass worked correctly when we left the Wheelers'. Correct when we got in the car on Kerley. But it started to slip the further east we went. Now, it's way off. When I was leading us here, I wasn't wrong. The compass was.”

“So, you're using faulty equipment. You're still wrong.” Steve rebuked.

“Except it isn't faulty.” Dustin insisted before asking, “Lucas, remember what can affect a compass?”

Lucas seemingly understood exactly what his friend was trying to tell them, in a roundabout way, “An electromagnetic field.”

Dustin smiled and confirmed, but Robin asked, needing more explanation, “Sorry. I must've skipped that class.”

“Compasses work through magnetism, they’re built to point towards the magnetic north pole,” Y/N answered, her childhood days of performing little science experiments with her father coming in clutch, and receiving a few surprised looks from her peers as she continued, “But, in the presence of a stronger electromagnetic field, as Lucas said, the needle will deflect towards that power source instead, meaning the compass is technically ‘wrong’.”

“Exactly.” Dustin was practically beaming, “So either there's some super big magnet around here, or…”

“There's a gate.” Lucas realised, and Dustin nodded. A heavy weight settled in the air around them, Y/N feeling as though she should know what that meant with more certainty than she did. As the group theorised how and why this gate may have come to fruition, Eddie nudged Y/N in the side to get her attention. They shared a look that asked if the other was understanding the conversation, only to be met with equal confusion, which made them feel more at ease with their lack of inter-dimensional knowledge. They were broken out of this exchange however by Steve.

“Where are you going?” The question snapped them back to the group, seeing Dustin walking away from everyone, “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!” He paused at Steve's protests, “Eddie's still a wanted man. And now Y/N is a suspect too. We can't just go for a hike in the woods.”

Dustin, clearly agitated made one final plea, “This little steel capsule might be the key to saving Max, Eddie and Y/N.” He turned to the pair on the ground, gesturing to them as he propositioned them, “What say you, Eddie the Banished? Y/N the Exiled?”

“I say you're asking me to follow you into Mordor, which, if I'm totally straight with you, I think is a really bad idea.” Eddie paused, thought for a moment, before looking over at Y/N, “But, uh, the Shire…the Shire is burning.” As Eddie took Y/N's hand and helped her to stand, Dustin jumped in place excitedly, happy that they were going to test his theory. “So, Mordor it is.”

Steve, bewildered by the exchange and still peeved about Dustin's instance to be right, asked nobody in particular, with only Y/N picking up on it, “What is Mordor?”

“It’s the dark land from The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings- incredibly nerdy, don’t worry about it,” Y/N reassured him with a smile.

Once again, and growing fonder, Steve was grateful for Y/N’s patience after the constant teasing from his younger compatriots. “Thanks.” He whispered, before gesturing to the remainder of the food by her feet, “Get your stuff. Let's go.”

Trekking through the woods, playing follow the leader with Dustin - Eddie right behind him with a torch - Y/N found herself hanging back to talk to Steve, who was bringing up the rear of the party to make sure none got lost or left behind. Steve was familiar in some ways, a reminder of her past, with his previous ‘kingly’ reputation for being a bit of a teenage asshole, but Y/N was more deeply fascinated by his seemingly innate desire to protect the group – particularly the younger teens. Listening intently as he explained as briefly as he could, Y/N quickly learned that, much like herself, he had been caught up in the supernatural by accident, time and time again. He had only been trying to apologise to Jonathan when the Demogorgon attacked the Byers house, he didn’t intend to fight it off with a nailed baseball bat. And win. He had only been bringing Nancy flowers when he was roped into hunting a baby Demogorgon with Dustin, not knowing he would have to fight off an army of them to protect Dustin, Max, and Lucas. Of which he was successful. And he had just been working with Robin, “slinging ice cream”, when Dustin came to him with a weird message he had picked up – it definitely wasn’t the plan to be trapped in a secret Russian base and tortured, whilst still in uniform. Then live to tell the tale. Every time, he fought and tried to protect those around him, regardless of his own safety and how insane the situation was. Y/N decided that not only did she like Steve, but she deeply respected him.

In turn, she reminisced about her family and life back in England, glossing over the trauma quickly before circling back to the past few months since the move. Just as she was starting to gush about how Eddie and Hellfire had made her feel so welcomed, and why the stigma was so frustrating, they came to a standstill. Taking in their surroundings, Y/N felt a cold chill run down her spine.

“Oh, man. You gotta be shitting me.” Steve huffed and Y/N reciprocated the feeling.

“Yeah.” Y/N scoffed humourlessly, “I thought these woods were familiar.”

The sun had set whilst they were walking, and the moon high in the sky was once again reflecting on the soft waves of water in Lovers Lake. Y/N, glared at the water, trying silently to control her breathing so as to not alert the others of her rising panic, though it seemed her nerves were felt as Eddie moved to stand beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist, and pulling her into his side.

Tuning back into the conversation, she heard Nancy offer up a theory, “Whenever the Demogorgon attacked, it always left an opening. Maybe Vecna's the same way.”

“Yeah, only one way to find out,” Steve said conclusively, then turned to Y/N and Eddie where they were huddled together and asked where they had stashed the boat. With Y/N leading the way, they traipsed along the bank until they found the boat, haphazardly covered in the tree line. Pulling it off, they looked at the available seating, then at each other in confirmation of shared ideas. The older teens and young adults of the group quickly realised it would be up to them to test Dustin’s theory.

Steve and Eddie bickered slightly as they got the boat half in the water before each offering a hand to Robin to help her into the boat. Instead, she elected to use their heads for support as she stepped into the small vessel, thanking them as she passed. Eddie then stood up as Steve kept the boat grounded, both again offering their hands to Nancy as she too stepped in, though she did not notice Steve's offer, only taking Eddie’s hand.

“Sweetheart,” Eddie then gave a saccharine smile as he flourished his hand out to Y/N, trying to ease her obvious panic with theatricality.

She took his hand graciously and winked as she passed him, “Thanks, honey.”

Dustin, who had been watching, gagged, “You two make me sick,” he muttered to himself as he tried to gain access to the boat, but was very quickly stopped by Eddie.

“Hey, hey, hey, you trying to sink us?” He pushed Dustin back to land with a hand on the forehead, “This thing holds four people tops, okay?” Eddie didn’t want to upset Dustin or patronise him, but he also wanted him safe.

Seeing Eddie’s tactic to keep the children on land, Nancy assured him, “It's better this way, okay? You guys stay here with Max. Keep an eye out for trouble.”

“You keep an eye out.” Dustin snapped back at her, “It's my goddamn theory.”

Robin piped up, trying to establish some form of authority, “You heard Nance.”

“Who put her in charge?”

“I did.”

Nancy held her hand out to Dustin, “Compass.” He huffs in a small tantrum for a moment before handing it to her, with Nancy passing it to Eddie to hold as she got resettled on the bench. Once the four on the boat were sat somewhat comfortably, Steve stood up, threw Dustin's backpack at him, and pushed off from the bank, taking his seat next to Nancy as Robin and Eddie started to row.

“You said four!” Dustin called out, annoyed.

Steve whisper-shouts “Sorry,” back at him as they drifted further from the bank.

“Bedtime at nine, kiddos,” Robin shouted, baiting those still on land. Dustin flipped her off as Max rolled her eyes, Lucas just watched in vague amusement, “Miss you already!”

The row out to the middle of the lake was slow but steady, as Nancy watched the compass to make sure they were still heading in the right direction. Once they were far away enough from the shore that the young teens who stood on the bank looked like toddlers, Nancy called out for them to slow down. Stopping their rowing, the group turned to look at Nancy and the compass in her hands, which was flicking back and forth crazily.

Their stunned silence was interrupted by Dustin over the walkie, “Guys, what's going on? Come on, talk to me. What's going on?”

“Uh, Dustin, your compass has gone from kinda wonky to wonky with a capital ‘aah!’” Robin, hesitantly answered, awestruck.

Y/N emphasised, “It’s like the needle doesn’t know where to point - like it’s overwhelmed with electromagnetic energy. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

As Y/N talked, Steve started taking off his shoes and socks, confounding his friends in the boat. When questioned by a concerned Nancy, he replied, with a certain authority, “Somebody's gotta go down and check this out. Unless one of you four can top being a Hawkins High swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years, then… it's gotta be me. No complaints, all right?”

“Hey, I'm not complaining,” Eddie reassured him, “I do not wanna go down there.”

Y/N nodded in agreement, peeking over the edge of the boat to stare at the water and shuddering, “Yeah, I’ve already been in this lake once in the last 24 hours, I’m not exactly desperate to do it again.”

Eddie reached into his pocket and pulled out a shopping bag with only a carton of cigarettes and a lighter in it, and emptied it into his lap as Steve stood up and took off his jumper, revealing his toned and hairy chest. Y/N glanced up at him from the movement, looking away before registering the sight. Once she did, her eyes widened slightly as she did a small double-take, and slowly blinked to fully process it. Having clocked the cogs turning in Y/N’s head, Eddie cleared his throat to snap her out of it, possessiveness bubbling up under his skin. He raised an eyebrow at her in question, which she vehemently ignored, not wanting to give him the satisfaction, and just shrugged in response. Nancy, however, was outright staring in awe at Steve’s body, despite having a boyfriend herself, which only Robin noticed, though she said nothing, smiling to herself instead.

Eddie, slightly aggravated, wrapped the now empty shopping bag around the torch he had been carrying through the woods and handed it to Steve, “Hey. Good luck.”

Steve took the not mostly waterproofed torch, looking over his shoulder at him, the light hitting his handsome features just right, eyes intense and focused, “Thanks.”

‘Damn.’

‘Wait, are you attracted to Steve?’

‘No…surely not.’

Slightly hating how the moonlight making Steve look ethereal made her feel, her heartbeat picking up somewhat, she looked over at Eddie as a welcome distraction. And though she should have expected it, Y/N shocked herself with how it didn’t help much with her heart rate, but instead increased it. Eddie had a cigarette hanging from his lips, the light reflecting on the water casting a beautiful shadow over his cheekbones and jawline. Y/N reached for the lighter in his hand and ignited the flame, reaching up slightly so he’d have to lean down to her if he wanted his cigarette lit. The glow of the fire shone in his eyes as he stared at her through it.

“Gross.” The moment was broken by Robin as she took the cigarette from Eddie's lips and threw it into the lake. In sync, Eddie and Y/N turned their heads to stare at her, mystified. As her eyes locked onto Robins, she tried to send a telepathic ‘what the fuck dude?’ her way and knew she had succeeded when Robin rolled her eyes with a small, victorious smirk.

Steve stood at the edge of the boat, breathing steadily and mentally preparing himself to dive down to the lakebed.

“Steve?” Nancy called softly, making him turn his head to look down at her, “Be careful.”

An apprehensive look flashed in his eyes, almost like guilt, as their eyes locked, but he nodded nonetheless and dove gracefully into the dark water. They sat in tense silence as Steve swam further and further down, with Nancy counting the seconds on her watch to make sure that he wasn’t submerged for too long.

Robin, growing more and more agitated, asked, “Where we at, Wheeler?”

“Closing in on a minute.” She replied, not taking her eyes off the watch.

Robin nodded, “Okay.” She made a noise of discomfort feigning ambivalence, obviously very worried about her friend. Y/N offered a hand for Robin to squeeze, which she grasped tightly.

Just as Eddie cleared his throat, uncomfortable in the silence, it was broken completely when the water gushed loudly as Steve resurfaced, making everyone on the boat exclaim in surprise, even more surprised when Steve said, “I found it.” He panted through his confirmation when Robin asked for it, leaning on the side of the boat as Nancy pulled wet strands of hair from his forehead with deep care.

“Dustin, you are a goddamn Einstein.” Robin said excitedly into the walkie, “Steve found the gate, we have a way to Vecna.”

“It's pretty wild.” Steve said through pants, still trying to catch his breath, arms holding him up on the edge of the boat, “It's more a snack-size gate than the mama gate, but still, it's pretty damn big.”

Right as he stopped speaking, he dropped off the side of the boat momentarily, like something was pulling him down. Everyone lurched forward in shock, but they all regained composure quickly and waited with bated breath to ensure he was okay and wouldn’t happen again. For a moment all was calm as they scanned the water before Steve was fully dragged under without a second to react. The group dissolved into chaos, all shouting after Steve, but it was pointless. He was unreachable.

“No! No!” Eddie protested, deeply stressed, “What the hell was that man?”

Robin was intensely distressed, staring back and forth between the dark water and Nancy beside her, leaning over the edge of the boat “Nancy, really, what happened?”

Nancy, however, ignored all questions and stood up, determined to go in after Steve, much to everyone else's panic. At the sounds of protests, Nancy could only tell them to wait where they were before diving in and swimming down to find Steve.

“Fucking hell!” Y/N cursed loudly, shaking, and running her hands up and down her temples as Eddie loudly swore to himself. Unbeknownst to them both, Robin quietly and carefully sat backwards on the edge of the boat, preparing herself to search the lake herself.

“No, no, no, no, no, no.” Eddie faced her, hands held out to stop her if he had to, “What are you doing? She said wait.”

Robin stared back at him, dismissively, her mind already made up, “Yeah, I heard her.”

“She's in charge,” Eddie tried, grasping at flimsy straws.

Robin scoffed and shook her head, “Are you kidding me?”

Y/N placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, “Eds she was bullshitting, and you know it. Nobody’s in charge.” Her voice was trembling slightly, barely more than a frustrated whimper.

“Don't you go. Don't you—” Despite his thinly veiled threats, Robin fully ignored Eddie and fell backwards off the edge of the boat and into the water.

Eddie immediately stood up in anger and fear, “Goddamn it! Son of a bitch!” he paced the small space of the boat as much as he could, staring at the water and contemplating what fate was worse, “Oh, this is so stupid.”

“This is really fucking stupid,” Y/N could only agree.

‘Don’t be a pussy.’

‘I’m definitely gonna regret this.’

In his blind panic, Eddie didn’t notice the cogs turning in Y/N’s mind until it was too late. She was standing, prepared to dive. “Y/N! No, not you too. Sweetheart, please!” But she was gone with a loud splash, “Shit!”

Swearing profusely as he questioned his own existence, Eddie’s mind was filled with paralysing fear. Thoughts of her drowning, being pulled apart, sucked into an alternate hellish dimension, tortured, and broken, flashed through his raging mind. Before he could register his own actions, Eddie dove beneath the water, his only tether to reality being the hope that she was still alive.

previous

[lesbianandstressing]

Stupido | A Station 19 fanfiction

A/N: A quick follow up to this fic. Requested by the travic ceo @travichughes! Be sure to check her blog out.

Warnings: All the Italian is from google translate so don’t come for me! Happy reading!

-

To say Carina is angry is an understatement.

When she first met her wife’s team, she could immediately tell that Travis Montgomery and Victoria Hughes were inseparable.

So, she never expected him to leave her out to dry.

Vic instantly became one of her favorite people. The youngest firefighter is a ball of sunshine, and her personality and humor sometimes reminds Carina of her stupid baby brother, who left her too soon. Seeing Vic so broken, so hurt…nearly shattered the Italian into two.

And, typically, her sadness grows into anger. This circumstance is no exception.

Maya contacted Chief Ross, letting her know that Vic and her would be taking the day off. The chief held a lot of sympathy for Vic, knowing how strongly the firefighter held her emotions. She also complimented Maya on how good of a friend she is, which surprised Maya.

However, Carina decided to go in, as it is a clinic day and she has patients. She held in her anger for Travis until he approached her.

“Hey Carina. Do you know where Vic is? I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning. I tried calling her but she hasn’t answered.”

Carina feels a bubble of anger, and doesn’t respond, but drags Travis into his bunk and shuts the door.

“Do you have any idea how much of a thick headed stronzo you are?! Mio dio, ti preoccupi solo adesso?!”

Travis is incredibly confused. First, he only understands half of what Carina just said to him, second, the last time he saw her this angry was last year when Jack ordered pineapple on pizza.

“What are you…” He begins, but is cut off by the raging doctor. “No, no, no, you do not speak. Only listen. You have been so caught up in this stupid mayor race and your new idiota boyfriend that you have completely left vic behind! How could you?” Carina rants.

“Carina I-.” Once again, Travis is cut off. “It is not my place to tell you what happened, but Victoria was on a tough call yesterday, she was so distraught that Maya and I found her sobbing in her bunk. Victoria Hughes, the most bright, beautiful ball of sunshine looked completely broken. Maya and I took her to our home, and she is still there with Maya.”

Travis sighs. “I know I’ve been shitty, and I’m sorry. I really am. But Carina, she’s everything to me. I can’t lose her.”

“You won’t, Travis. But, you’ve been a bad friend. You need to make it up to her, and promise you won’t leave her behind. I don’t doubt that she’ll forgive you for this, but still. Be her person, like you always have been.” Carina explains. Travis nods, thanking Carina before they both go back to work.

He has some serious apologies to make.

-

Vic snuggles closer to Maya, enjoying her warmth. Maya has always been so comfortable to cuddle with, and gives the best hugs. Despite how upset she was yesterday, Maya has been making her feel so much better.

“God, these reality tv shows are so lame.” Maya complains. “Yeah, but they make me feel better about my own life.” Vic laughs. Seeing how much of a mess these people are makes her feel like she’s doing pretty okay.

On the screen, a woman slaps her now ex-boyfriend, and Maya whoops. “DESERVED!” She yells. Vic giggles, shaking her head.

“Hey…you know I got you? Always, ok? I’ll always be here.” Maya reassures Vic. Vic nods. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

-

Later on in the day, Vic hears a knock at the door to Maya and Carina’s apartment. “I’ll get it.” She murmurs to the two, and opens the door to see a guilty looking Travis.

“Hey…I know I’ve been really shitty lately, but can we talk?” He requests. Vic hesitantly nods. Maya and Carina quietly move to their room, giving the duo some space.

Travis takes Vic’s hand as they sit down. “I’m so sorry, Vic. I’ve been such an oblivious idiot that I forgot what’s most important to me. And that’s you.”

Vic feels tears pool in her eyes. “And I’m sorry that Theo has been being such a douche to you lately. It’s not fair, the way he is treating you.” Travis continues.

“Carina mentioned you had a rough call yesterday, and I just wanted to say I’m here. If you need to talk, cry, anything. I’m here.” He promises.

“Thank you, Trav. But you still have a lot of making up to do.” She tells him. Travis hugs her. “I know. Don’t you ever forget that you are my number one, ok? You’ll always be my number one.”

The duo continue to hug for a moment, before Vic pulls back. “I don’t know what to do about Theo. He’s been so busy being captain and has his head so far up his ass he might see god himself.”

Travis chuckles at the end of that sentence. “Look, Theo doesn’t deserve you. If he finds that his job is more important than you? Then let him, and leave him. He will eventually realize what he lost.”

“Thanks, Travis. I needed to hear that.” Vic murmurs. “And take it from someone who is man and attracted to them. They fucking suck sometimes.”

Vic laughs loudly at that. “Trust me, I know. If I could choose I would totally be attracted to women.”

They laugh for another moment before Travis sobers. “How can I start making it up to you?”

Vic grins, throwing her feet on Travis’ lap. “Foot rub!”

Travis rolls his eyes. “Fine. But only because I love you.”

“I love you too, dumbass.”

-

A/N: Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated! Please send any fic requests to my ask box :)

[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dream - Chapter Twenty.

I’ll be honest, I was in two minds whether to post this after yesterday, but I realised that not doing so would be ultimately punishing people who don’t deserve to be, people who have always been so nice and kind, all because one person wasn’t. I feel a bit sad and dejected today, even though I understand that I need to improve and do accept that. I have a kind offer of help from someone close to me, which I’m going to accept with anything new I write. 

Until then, I’ll keep posting this as normal because I’ve finished it in the writing now, and I don’t want to mess with it too much and compromise what I’ve built, whether that’s authentic characterisation or not. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve  Thirteen  Fourteen  Fifteen  Sixteen  Seventeen  Eighteen  Nineteen

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)

Words - 2,823

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

“Look, Aaron. I ain’t gonna expect us to be instant best friends or whatever, and I don’t expect you to instantly change your opinion on me, but I just wanna settle something for you. Who I am and what I do, they’re not the same. The MC, while it’s a big part of me, it ain’t all of me, you get me? Your friend out there, she’s gonna become a big part of me, too, and imma treat her right. Fuck, I haven’t always been the best guy in that respect in the past, but it’s different with her.”

Aaron didn’t look away once as Angel explained himself, the latter seeing at last what Keri had always mentioned she loved about her friend, how engaging he was when someone was talking to him. “Hey, we’re good, alright? I think I had my head shoved up my ass a little, not to see the plain simplicity you’ve just pretty succinctly explained there. I mean, I still have my reservations, but at the end of the day, it’s Keri’s choice to be with you. I think I’m just naturally being more protective as any guy friend is with his girls, who has witnessed this one in particular get involved with a couple who’ve been fucking walking disasters, too.”

From the few conversations they’d had about exes, Angel did get that distinct impression. Her last significant relationship, which had been with a guy name Christian had ended badly, Keri at least glad that when he’d finished with her, he’d been honest about the fact that he’d found a connection with someone else he wanted to pursue prior to actually acting upon it. What had angered her was that the connection had been to Faye, her former friend. It was something she didn’t mention often, and he understood why she didn’t.

In the months that had followed, any other guy she’d dated had turned out to be, as Aaron correctly stated, a walking disaster. Angel got it, his need to be protective. On paper, he was another walking disaster, if his past with women was taken into consideration. He hadn’t really shown the maturity or the inclination to be part of a committed, adult relationship prior to when he’d got together with Lucy, his most recent ex-girlfriend. She’d made him better, though, and he would continue being better now he was very much with Keri.

“Yeah.” Angel raised his eyebrows, swigging his beer. “She told me about a couple of those guys. I ain’t them. Might have been, once upon a time, but I’m thirty-six, man. Gotta grow up at some point.”  

Aaron nodded, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “I appreciate your honesty, I really do. You’re not trying to con me with any bullshit to make me like you, and thus that makes me see the sincerity in you all the more. Anyway, enough of this. Shall we go and get Ash wasted? Won’t take much.”  

A smile widened his mouth. “Apparently, he’s getting better. I think that’s a theory we should test.” Aaron began laughing, reaching for the bottle of Fireball he’d brought with him as Angel scanned the apartment. “Hey yo, Ash! Get over here.”

The man himself made his way over, Keri, Jaime, Frankie and Rachel all joining them, shots being sunk as the party continued like nothing bad had ever happened. However, Keri did touch upon it, when it was just her and Angel, after very rapidly pulling him into the bedroom when no one was looking.  

“What you did for me, wow,” she began, pulling him down to her level, stroking his face, kissing him softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy stand up for me like that before. It was a little scary, but also, sexy as hell to witness just how much you love me, the lengths you’d go to in order to defend me.”  

Their kisses quickly gained heat, Angel confirming what she’d just told him wordlessly, clasping her body to his as she walked him backwards over to the bed, pushing him to sit, moving to kneel astride him. “Now, you’re going to lie there and let me say thank you properly.”  

He smiled through their kisses, Keri slowly sliding down, kissing him through the dark grey, long sleeved t shirt he wore, the one that hugged his arm muscles deliciously, moving to kneel between his feet as her hands slid over the bulge in his jeans, nails dragging in caress over his thighs, reaching to unfasten his belt. Her fingers were slow, pushing up his t shirt and circling his navel, running licks over the line of dark hair leading down from it, pulling his cock out and giving it a few gentle squeezes.  

His chest stilled for a moment as he felt her mouth close over him, tongue swirling all over the head of his cock, each slow rotation evoking little glimmers that made the eventual breath he let out shudder, his fingers tangling in her hair.

He groaned faintly as he watched himself disappear into her mouth, almost every last inch of him impressively sheathed in the warm hug, his head thudding back onto the bed as her mouth got to the base and tightened around his shaft.

Dragging her lips slowly back up again, she grazed his chest with her nails, pinching his nipples and rolling them between her thumb and forefinger through his shirt, until the stood as stiff as the thick cock in her mouth. The content moan she emitted vibrated every last inch of him, her tongue fluttering back and forth against the thick vein on the underside of his shaft.

Reaching the head once more, she tightened and relaxed her mouth around it, feeling his hands begin to gently pull at her hair as he groaned sinfully, his abdomen twitching, the pleasure utterly consuming him. She was utterly ruinous, so skilled with her mouth he could barely stand it, his fingers flexing in her hair as he tugged at it, feeling his cock enveloped completely by wet heat once more.

She continued to repeat those actions again and again, watching his movements, knowing as each raspy breath left his throat faster, his chest heaving up and down and his cock like hot iron within her mouth, he was about to reach his peak. It licked through his veins like a fiery tonic, his muscle tensing as his breath caught, waves of ecstasy starting to pulse.

“Fuck... fuck!” His growled exclamation preluded the twitch of his cock, spilling hot and deep into her throat, Keri slowing as she swallowed back every pulse of cum, slowly releasing him from the soaking enveloping of her mouth, licking her top lip seductively. She gently fastened him back into his jeans, moving to kiss his neck at few times as she stroked his chest.

“I’ll leave you to come back down to earth, save it looking obvious, too, both of us leaving the room together.” The desire danced in his eyes as she looked down at him sultrily, his hands moving to run swirls over her neck.  

“Uh huh.” he nodded, still blissed out, his entire body humming with an afterglow he was in no rush to cease. She kissed his forehead, sliding off the bed and exiting swiftly, going to grab herself a beer. It took Angel a while to surface, Keri outside having a cigarette and a chat with Ash and Aaron when he finally came out, finding Frankie on the couch, sitting and swinging his feet up, resting his head in her lap.  

“Having a good night, big guy?” she smiled, combing his hair with her fingers affectionately.

He grinned. “I’m so drunk.”  

“You are?” she questioned, finding his statement somewhat contradictory to what she’d noticed. “I haven’t noticed you throwing them back? And you’re coherent, too.”

He shook his head, laughing dirtily. “Nah, bro. Orgasm drunk. Keri just blew me and I’m... yeah.”  

Immediately, she began to laugh. “Awww, are you all blissed out?”  

“Mm,” he hummed, eyes closed, smile wide. He opened them for a second, trying to articulate himself a little more. “You know when... and it’s... you know... all the way from the top of your head right down to your feet?”  

She grinned, thinking of her love. “When you feel like you just touched heaven, and took a little part of it back with you?”

He pointed vaguely in her direction, nodding. “That’s it.”  

His legs were then disturbed by the arrival of Jaime, who sat down, pointing at him while she gestured to her girlfriend. “Is he alright?”

“He’s all blowjob drunk,” she confirmed, Jaime laughing as Angel began to grin again. “Look at him! Wasted out of his mind!”  

“Your friend is gonna get it later.” They didn’t doubt that for a second. Revived from his state of pleasurable catatonia with a few more shots and a couple more beers, Keri had to drunkenly fight him off every step of the way back to the hotel at 2am. As soon as they were in the elevator, though...  

“What the hell has gotten into you?” she cried, Angel yanking off her top, her bra following, shoving them into the back pocket of his jeans as he lifted her up, levelling her tits with his mouth, teeth locking onto her nipple.  

“Eight shots of Fireball and a fucking desperate need to show just how absolutely out of my damned mind you made me feel earlier,” he replied, gathering her skirt, Keri wrapping her legs around his waist as the elevator dinged, both locked at the mouth as he staggered out.  

Her back hit the nearest wall, their kisses all sultry magma and groaned smoke as they pawed at one another, Angel reaching between them to unzip his jeans, freeing himself and tugging her underwear aside, dropping her down on his cock, Keri biting her lip to prevent her shrill cry, his mouth ravenous at her neck.

“What if someone catches us?” she panted, although truly, she was about four shots and one very hard dick past caring.

“Then they gonna see me piledriving my beautiful girl against this wall, ain’t they? Because god fucking damnit, I can’t even wait to walk the length of this hall, querida. I gotta have you right the fuck now.”  

Truly, Keri had never felt as desired by anyone in her life as she did by Angel, his hunger for her unmatched, the heat of his need smouldering upon her skin as they panted, staring into one another’s eyes before their mouths met again in fever, her nails dragging his neck as the thick heat of his cock scraped sparks through her core.  

Desire tore through him wildly as he railed her against the wall, feeling himself reaching a scorching finish as he came with a deep grunt, slowing in the aftermath, his hot breaths blasting the side of her neck. “Sorry, didn’t get you there, too. I fucking will, though.” He carried her down the rest of the hallway, still fused together, having to put her down eventually to locate the room key card, Keri standing with her legs together and a pained expression.  

“Hurry!” she hissed, giggling. “What you left in me is starting to trickle!”

He snorted laughing, opening the door, that laughter escalating as she shot past him, running knock kneed to the bathroom to go and clean up. Exiting a few minutes later, she pulled off the rest of her clothes, kissing his chest as she assisted with the removal of his before being picked up and launched onto the bed, Angel grasping her thighs, pulling them apart and promptly burying his face between them.  

His tongue was slow and swirling to begin with, tasting every last bit of her hot, pink flesh languidly, watching her as he did it. “You taste so beautiful, mamas. Fuck, I love the way this pretty pussy feels against my mouth.”  

The verbalisation of how she made him feel never failed to have little wells of pleasure pooling within, Keri mewling softly as her hands went to the soft black of his hair, nails grazing his scalp, her head thudding back on the bed as she closed her eyes and awaited the utter ruin she knew he’d lavish upon her.  

The firm grip upon her thighs as he held her spread kept her in place, tongue quickening against her clit, alternating between speedy and a slow, firm rolls in a circle, decreasing in circumference, focusing on her, increasing, her folds tingling, his lips wrapping to suck as he groaned quietly. She lay back in utter bliss, feeling the trickle of her arousal caught by the thirst of his licks, his fingers pushing into the aqueous velvet of her cunt, crooking, raking gently, evoking mind-melting glimmers to skitter down her spine.  

Watching how his fingers sparkled in the low light coming from the bedside lamp, he felt his cock beginning to stir, little twitches sending sparks through him, moving his mouth to her inner thigh, kisses and gentle bites marking her. “I wanna watch you touch yourself, it’d turn me on so much.”

She felt a little internal flare of embarrassment at his request, never having pleasured herself for a man before, something so intimately personal. To hear him vouch how much it would arouse him, though, Keri eventually slid her hands down, wetting her fingertips as she splayed the petals of her cunt open a little further, her fingers slowly starting to rotate upon her clit.

Her eyes focused upon the ceiling at first, those little slithers of bashfulness still coiling within her, until she was brave enough to look down. She didn’t meet his eyes at first, Angel transfixed upon the sight of her stroking herself before him, his breaths hot as they fluttered over her, hitting her folds, his lips planting kisses upon her inner thigh, but when he finally did look up at her, the lust he returned made her walls clench around his fingers.  

A dark wave broke over her, her fingertips quickening as his tongue circled over a rise of muscle, kissing it, her thigh bouncing against his mouth as he held her gaze, knowing their combined effort was getting her close. It began to tumble through her in ceaseless pulses, her muscles locking as she panted hard, a wail breaking from her throat as she felt it rush and burst forth through her, the addition of Angel’s tongue adding to her fingers further gilding her upon the horizon of utter ecstasy.  

He grasped her hand, sucking wetness from her fingers, his own still rooted deep within her, enjoying the flutters as his rotations gentled, his other hand weaving through her fingers and squeezing, the move a gorgeous, unexpected display of affection.

“Oh, no, no,” she gasped as his mouth closed over her clit, his lips bathing her sensitive bud in soft heat. “It’s too much still.”  

His thumb drew a circle of her palm, looking up at her with a wink. “Won’t be for long, baby.” He continued to squeeze her hand as his tongue softly began to circle her bud, until she started to shake from the overstimulation, Angel wrapping his hand up around her thigh to keep her still, the fingers inside her slowly trawling back and forth.  

Each lick was lightly placed, gauging her reactions, waiting for the little spasms still wracking her to calm before he became feverish once more, licking at the honey of her cunt with aplomb, groaning against the soaking velvet of her as his tongue flicked rapidly over her bud. Her hands fisted the sheets, her body arching, his free hand stroking a path of heated tingles all over her abdomen as he gorged himself upon her, bringing her to another howling ascension... and still refusing to stop.  

He ate her like ripe summer fruit until she shattered for him again, shaking violently, so wet that she’d puddled the sheets beneath her, Angel wiping the slick from his mouth before leaning to kiss his way up her body, reaching between them, guiding his cock to her and sinking in, teeth closing around her nipple.  

“I think I enjoyed that,” she panted, pulling him to her, the taste of herself on his tongue wickedly sinful.  

He pinched a tiny gap between his thumb and forefinger. “Just this much?”

Her chuckle was like music through the air. “Yeah, just this much.”  

Their mouths met again, kissing with syrupy heat, hands wandering all over one another as their bodies rocked together in divinely slow, steamy union. It was like that for a further couple of hours, talking as they cooled down and readied to enjoy one another again, until they fell asleep in a blissful entwine not long before the sun rose.  

As far as starting weekends well went, theirs was a good way to begin.

[angeloncewas]

HEY so i just finished episode 5!! they’re about to go into combat at the pit!! this is SO awesome i’m literally so engaged and excited about this story in a way that i haven’t been about a piece of media for a long time, it’s great. i think part of it is definitely that brennan is such an amazinggg dm and the players are so good at roleplay too, it all ends up being very engaging and compelling - and the randomness of the rolls keeps me on my toes because i can’t really figure out where the stories gonna go!!! it’s just so awesome :333

i think right now my favorites are riz (from a character standpoint he’s just sooo fascinating, i made a post about it), fig for her absolute hilarity in every moment, and gorgug in a like more lowkey way because he’s just so freaking sweet. i like fabian and kristin a lot too because i think they’re both gonna get REALLY interesting in a bit with the way their characters are. adaine is also dear to me with how honest she is - even with her nervousness and sadness she’s such a good friend and she’s so brave when it comes to standing up for them. i’m really excited to keep watching them :)

and yes the combat is just sooo fun and cool and the more roleplay heavy episodes are also GREAT and equally engaging and it’s just!! they made this so well!!! i’m so glad i get to enjoy it!!! deffo my favorite parts have been the high speed chase with johnny spells and his teifling gang and getting ice cream after, that was such a fun episode…

but yeah i LOVE this show and i love d&d now and i’ve been making my own character (aasimar warlock :3) and falling more in love with the game and everything and just!!!! it’s so nice to find something like this, where i didn’t expect to love it this much and i do :) i see why you like it and i’m rlly excited for sophomore year too bc you mentioned that one was really impactful for you!!

ps if you have any fic reccs… especially character/relationship studies….. :3<3

Sorry I took so long to respond !!! I read this and was like :O and then immediately fell into a weird hole. But I'm here now

I'm so so so glad you like it. I remember when I first discovered fantasy high I was watching it between every break like I really could not put it down in a way i'd rarely experienced

I need to go looking for your Riz post because i LOVE Riz so much he is so me vibes (also not at all, but really kind of) --- but really altogether they make such a well-rounded group to me and you really highlighted what makes each of them special. Jonny Spells is so funny and that chase is sooo good --- really opened my eyes to what D&D could be way back when.

Very interested in your character too ! You're always so creative in that way I never make ocs Fic recs (that you may have already seen but that I stand by dearly):

take my heart, pull it apart; Fig character study; "It's a great day. Until her horns grow in."

Strongtower Luxury Apartments, Units 304 & 306; Kristen living with Fig and Gilear (sulfuric is such a good writer)

arm yourself for adventure; very AU start; "The adventure began in a tavern, which, as far as Riz knew, was pretty standard."

six hours to breathe again; very different sci-fi AU but super fascinating; "This is all for Adaine, they're going to get her back, finally, once and for fucking all, and then Riz is going to put a bullet in Biz Glitterdew's greasy fucking forehead." (knightserrand also has a great back catalog)

interchange; role swap role swap role swap !!!; "a pirate cleric, a goblin bard, a Helioic fighter, an elven barbarian, a tiefling rogue, and a half-orc wizard."

I have more that are sophomore year related too :)

[psychelis-new]

Hi Lys! How are you? :) I wondered if it is possible to participate in your tarot game. I choose a personal reading.

Question: My question is regarding an old friend M, with whom I lost touch. I wondered if I could receive an unfiltered channeled message from them. M and I used to talk a lot, and now being strangers is a bittersweet feeling :)

Feedback: I really like all of your tarot readings but your pac about What you need to let go of, really moved me. I chose the 2nd pile which talked about being stuck because of fear and having certain attachments. It kind of made me realize that I’m scared to try new things by stepping out of my comfort zone. If I don’t try, I can’t expect a different outcome in my life :) I’ve been dealing with some sadness and lack of motivation lately so the reading gave me some light. You also gave advice to just focus on the present moment which brought me a new perspective, so truly thank you for that! your words have healing power :) I believe fear is a part of life, but it shouldn’t overpower me.

Two random emojis I’m sending you: 🤍🦋

Thank you for reading this! :))

Hello and thanks for joining! Thank you also for sending your accurate feedback. You're right, fear is part of our life but it all depends on how we deal with it and not letting it control us and oveerpower us is a good way to start living with it... which I think is what we are supposed to do. I do hope you can find first way to ease your mind and then move on and even try something different: it feels scary to leave a comfort zone for our mind, even if it's a place of pain, to move to something else, but give yourself time and the permission to even make mistakes while trying. It'll be fine! I also understand your situation with your friend, as it happened a lot to me too. Sometimes it's just how things are supposed to be: not everyone is meant to stay in our life forever and vice versa. It's okay to grow apart on different roads, even if at times it may hurt... let's see your message anyway:

Well ofc you think about M at times (you wouldn't be here if not ofc) and you may even wonder about their life and maybe thinking about checking on them. But it may also happen that something else comes in between and you block yourself and focus on that. TBH, it could also be them in this same situation. Not sure if something happened among you two but from the cards and the signs I am getting, it doesn't seem so: it feels something "natural" maybe cause of each of you having something to deal with and not having too much time to dedicate to your friendship. I am sensing more like of an internal issue/conflict or moving (something personal anyway), maybe related to healing something that blocked the connection or brought some kind of change which had you grow apart. I think it's a good time to stop this cycle and maybe, if you rather, connect back together. If you have a feeling, a sensation of reaching out, you can do that. I think it won't cause any bad reaction.

"Try to look at it from a different pov. This cycle has ended and we can possibly communicate again if you want. There's a lot you don't know! Remember you now have learned all you need, you know how to deal with much more and you're stronger than what your mind wants you to believe. i'm here if you want".

Ofc please be aware this is just a reading and the last decision is up to you, your own real life and your own sensations and feelings (which should always come first, so take time to realize if that could be a good thing or not for your life now, depending on however it would go). The feeling I get is that, even if things went wrong among you two after you contacted each other, you would be able to survive anyway (you've been without them already). But also, maybe you can move your friendship to a different stage now (like instead of talking daily, you can call/message every once in a while if it could work for both).

All the best in your life, take care!

[junebudinfodumps]

infodump #1: LaLaLand THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE!!!!!

this shit is straight from the notes app but with more cohesion (also this is from august) 

thoughts about the ending:

i knew that rewatching lalaland was a bad idea and i knew that i would probably cry but i thought that maybe this time would be different!! it wasn’t. i’m now crying in my bathroom while trying to paint my nails but i’m also thinking about the devastating ending of that movie and how mia looks back at seb for one last time. and she does with it so much love and admiration in her eyes and seb looks back at mia with that same love and admiration and they’re both so proud of themselves and each other and how far they’ve come but the devastating part is the realization that they wouldn’t be where they are now if they had stayed together. it would’ve been one or the other and they would’ve been unhappy. the epilogue is just an idealization!!! mia became an actress but seb never got his club!!!!!!! so while they were happy with each other when they were together, it wouldn’t have sustainable and it would’ve ended even worse. it’s just so heartbreaking and i hate it. i hate it so much. but yet i come back to this devastating movie time and time again.

and what's worse is that even though they aren’t together anymore (and couldn’t be), they will always love each other and that shit hurts. that’s unconditional love and it hurts my feelings and i don’t like it. 

thoughts about the start a fire scene:

the concert scene where seb is playing and the piano and is making eye contact with mia the whole time?? that scene is so important to me. the crowd rushed in to get closer to seb and mia is pushed away from him. mia is so confused in this scene as well because she knows it’s not jazz and she knows it’s not what seb wants to play. the crowd pushes her away from seb and it shows the distance that’s slowly growing between them because of how busy they both are getting with their own projects. it’s devastating. and then things get tight and things snap at the surprise dinner and that’s where everything starts to fall apart and start to end. they never really thought about their futures and how their career paths would fit in with their relationship. they obviously didn’t communicate with each other about how they thought things would go which makes me very sad. i know they wouldn't have been able to stay together no matter the amount of communication but maybe things would've ended a little softer and a little kinder. 

my overall feelings and connection with this movie:

now it’s time to get personal. i was 12 when i first saw lalaland, and im now 18. ive been obsessed with this fucking movie FOR SIX YEARS. SIX!!!! so its clear that i really love this movie. i got my first taste when seb playing mia and sebastian's theme was reenacted on some award show. i was immediately hooked and listened to the soundtrack for weeks until i saw the movie with my best friend at the time. i went into that movie with every word of every song memorized. the guy sitting next to me got so annoyed at me whispering the songs that he left. anyways. i left that movie shell shocked. i know saying this movie changed me is cringe but i really do mean it. there was a hole in my heart craving something and this movie filled it perfectly. 

over the next six years (six!?!?!?), i would rewatch this movie anytime that i could and every time i was left distraught with so many thoughts spilling out of my brain. my mom has heard a lot of these thoughts. she has also cried with me over this movie. i remember the one time where i watched this movie at boarding school. for some reason it fucked me over so badly this time and i cried over it harder than i’ve ever cried about it before. like sobbing. so hard. (and this was when i was an edge lord and wore so much eyeliner and mascara. i cried a lot of it off)  it was sort of cathartic really, highly recommend it. 

anyways, i think lalaland’s ending is what makes it truly memorable. and if you hate the ending of this movie you are wrong and stupid. you hate it because its realistic and it hurt and the movie gave you a false hope and grabbed that hope and crushed it like a can in front of you. this movie was like no other and thats what made it truly amazing. it didn't follow the path of hollywood magic and love prevails. it took the road less taken and decided to be mean. not everything can be like the honeymoon period of the movie, it had to end and it ended realistically and thats just part of the charm baby. 

i will maybe go more into specific aspects of the movie but i have to rewatch it again before i can do that so stay tuned 

[pequena-colibri]

I think it’s weird having someone say that you’re on a break over the phone, especially after everything you’ve been through together. I think I’ve really been struggling with that, and I’ve been in a bit of a daze about it. I feel like I’ve just been sitting with our memories, trying to piece together the moment when we started to grow apart. Everything feels fragmented and I’m unsure if I’m looking at things accurately or through a rose colored lens. Am I letting my sadness distort things? Likely.

Friday evening I left on a trip because I didn’t really know what to do with myself. Once upon a time, I’d go on trips on whim. I’d hop on the train early in the morning and find myself in a town hours away. Anyway, on Friday I had that desire again. Maybe I wanted to run away for a bit, who knows. I drove and my mind was all over the place. My feelings about myself, this person, what I was doing with my life, if I was happy, what happiness even meant to me at this moment. I visited my friend, who in their infinite wisdom, tends to inadvertently steer me back on the right path. We were smoking weed, which I’m not particularly fond of. But this time, I think it quieted the storm in my head and gave me the space to sort things out a little. I asked my friend what brought them joy, which prompted them to ask me the same. I didn’t know how to answer, and it troubled me greatly. If I was 23, I’d answer unwaveringly: being creative, reading, learning, traveling, riding my bike. Have I really lost touch with myself that I can’t answer that?

My friend suggested that I break down little moments that make me happy, that that’ll be a start. I think I’ll start doing that. I’ll romanticize things again, I’ll make a better effort to stay true to myself so when I’m asked that question again, I’ll have an answer ready.

For now, what makes me happy is getting a vienna latte from Yeems, playing with my cats, and hugging my mom. She gives the best hugs and she always smells like lemons. I like listening to Taylor Swift on long car rides with all my windows down. I like traveling, I’ll try to do that more often. I need to go invest time and effort and actually do it, rather than wait until the perfect moment.

Everything will be okay.

[wanderinglotus7]

Knock Knock...Is U Okay

ANXIETY. Anxiety you’re becoming a close friend that I’m not sure that I want you around. Actually, I definitely don’t want you around. I don’t need a cuddle buddy like you. Man, my body & mind have been going through it lately. If it isn’t one thing it’s another. I didn’t realize how much my anxiety was impacting me until I spoke with my brother, and he said he could hear the anxiety coming thru the phone. OUCH! I tried to explain to him and others what’s been going on recently in my life, but they just don't understand. You can’t fully understand something until you experience it for yourself.

HOME. I don’t have a home. No, I’m not homesick. I’m not rushing to return to Gloucester anytime soon full time. Boston isn’t home for me. I don’t feel like I belong here. I’ve been giving myself time to adjust to this new environment I’m living in, but the energy of this place isn’t settling right within inside of me. Mixing & mingling hasn’t been the greatest experience for me thus far. HECK! The dating scene around here sucks in my opinion. It has been disappointment after disappointment. No wonder some single people these days just want to give up and remain single or end up settling for someone or something. Things have to get better right...? I can at least say that I went on a decent date a few weeks ago that ended up being very pleasant. However, the end result equated to me being ghosted again. Yet, I already had a feeling by the end of the night that was going to happen. So, when that individual did what he did, I wasn’t too surprised. It’s all a game that I’m not interested in playing. Sad to say that date was my first date too (bummer).

I believe my recent struggles with anxiety is connected to loneliness. I miss human connection. And I mean human connection outside of the work context. My brother told me I sound bored and need to get a hobby. Again, he just doesn’t understand. Try moving to somewhere new that is hundred miles away from everything that you’re familiar with; to an area where you have no ties (no family nor friends), during a pandemic, and basically recreating your life from scratch. Trust me, I’ve been putting myself out there. I’m not confining myself to my apartment or only going out if it’s related to work or errands. I’m socializing to the best of my ability with the small circle I do have and with the limited time & energy I have in my reserve. I don’t care what anybody says, making friends as an adult is difficult especially when other people want to remain in their small bubbles. Since living here, I noticed that not too many people are willing to step outside their comfort zone. Unlike me, I like to step outside my box from time to time. That’s the only real way to grow and experience the world. On the other hand, I’m not going to place myself in situations knowing that I’m not going to be welcomed or I’m not going to enjoy myself in desperation for creating friendships. 

ONE DEEP BREATH. My brother told me it sounds like I have no goals for myself which is wrong. I do have goals, but at this point they are more long-term goals than short-term goals. And most of those long-term goals are somewhat dependent on having another person involved in my life and I haven’t met that person yet. And another goal I have for myself right now is resolving my health issues which I might be receiving some answers this week (hopefully good news). There’s nothing wrong with having goals. I also don’t want to rush my life away being so goal oriented too. Honestly, I’m somewhat enjoying not having to worry about the next steps in my life that’s the survival mode speaking. I no longer want to live in survival mode. I’m not spending the rest of my life chasing after a bag ($).

So, this is me.

[mazthegreatandpowerful]

I used to use my tumblr as a way to send my thoughts out without people I know starting drama or whatever so I’m gonna do that now and just talk about my depression and my band and my marriage.

I’ve been in a band with my best friends since I was 15, I’m now 28. We haven’t played a show since 2018(ish?) and have been struggling to get back into the groove for years because we’re all grown ups now. Our frontman is bipolar and has had several fights with me about my wife since we’ve gotten together, he feels like she hates him and she feels like he doesn’t respect me or my band or our time. I’ve tried for years to get them to get over it, but there’s always some vitriol between them no matter what.

Yesterday my wife was talking loudly to me during practice about our frontman’s reliability issues, and said it was disrespectful for him to be consistently late, and it was shitty of him to show up to the last practice drunk (which is a longer story, but the gist of it is that he’s not allowed to be at my house drunk because he’s been an asshole to my wife). He heard her through the wall and left practice without a word, and later texted me for hours about how insulted he was and how bad he deserves an apology, all the while talking me down and treating me like shit. And while at the end of the discussion he settled down and apologized for being an asshole, it doesn’t make it so he wasn’t an asshole, and it doesn’t make it so that I feel like he’s not gonna do that again the second he feels challenged, because he’s done it several times since I got married. I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells to keep him from popping off, and that doesn’t feel good.

Frankly, I know that everyone in the band wants to smooth things over, but I’m pissed about it, and I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m not a very spiteful person and I’m bad at holding people accountable, and I’m afraid of conflict, and I’m generally unhappy with myself about a lot of stuff, but I feel like I deserve better than to be belittled by my “best friend” until he gets his way. It’s shitty that he thinks he can just talk down to people and be exonerated, and if my bandmates roll over and let him do what he wants I’m probably going to quit my band.

That sucks, because these are really my very best friends, I love them like brothers and I don’t want to lose my band I’ve been working on for almost half my life. But also, I’ve been disenchanted for a long time with music and my band, and I feel like I’ve outgrown a lot of what we’ve done and been doing for years. Frankly, I’m not sure I even want to make music anymore, and it’s been that way for a while. Growing up is really hard because you take your dreams and essentially you have to get very lucky or settle at some point, and I don’t think I can make it in music, I think my time has passed and I should probably let go of that dream. Which is hard, cuz it’s all I’ve ever wanted ya know?

But also, if I’m making music, I think I deserve to be making it with people who respect my time, respect me, and know how to have the hard conversations without intentionally trying to hurt each other. I play music because it makes me happy, and I haven’t been happy playing music for a long time, and that’s really depressing. It’s depressing that I get so much pressure put on me to be the support for my friend, who “can’t do it without me” and “doesn’t want to get left behind”, because I don’t feel fulfilled by what I’m making and I feel trapped by it.

I guess that’s it. Maybe I’ll just take some time off to myself and make music when I want to on my own, so I can feel that sense of accomplishment when I make something I really like.

Whatever, if you’re here and reading still thanks for listening to me talk about how sad I am about art and friendships and growing up and growing apart.

I wrote a chorus a while ago that’s pretty simple but it kinda drives it all home for me, and you can hate it or say it’s dumb (I don’t think I’m a very good songwriter) but I’ll just put it at the bottom here

“Bummer

Get up for work every day

Bummer

Everyone goes, and nobody stays”

[emilemily]

“Don’t abandon me”

I’ve never in my life felt such a strong fear of being left behind by people I love. Where I once viewed unconditional love and friendship as reality, I now view all friendships but one or two as a ticking time bomb.

Part of friendship is watching each other grow up, go through phases, deal with the unsavory phases together, practice patience, communication, sometimes loving from afar. I’m the sort of friend you have for life if you also do your part to make that happen.

But so few people do their part, and sometimes during those unsavory phases I don’t do my part. That’s where the patience and loving from afar comes in. Sometimes we don’t like our friends, but we still love them. We give them space to be who they’re choosing to be at that moment.

That’s what unconditional love and friendship should be. That being said, I often wonder how much the furthering of smartphone technology has rendered lifelong friendship a thing of the past. There are countless apps to meet new people, ways to communicate, 1000 people on the internet misusing the terms “gaslighting” and “narcissism”

Sometimes people are shitty and sometimes they’re not who you want them to be. However, at our core we are who we are and that is what’s real. I’ve gone through my fair share of phases.

Nerdy stay-at-home gamer girl, awkward and super skinny 20 year old, young tan and hot south Florida girl, fine dining blazer wearing class hostess employee girl, drinking every night and bingeing on cocaine girl walking out of the strip club at 5 am, corporate office employee in pencil skirts girl, casual office attire jean loving girl, newfound sobriety and coping with it by being more judgmental about who I talk to girl, relaxing and being secure in my sobriety while letting others live their lives girl, and now I’m at existential crisis after losing everything I’ve worked so hard for GIRL.

I’m a work in progress, I’ve always been a work in progress, and I’ll always be a work in progress. My friends are just the same, though many things came easier to them than they did to me via parental support or becoming resourceful and driven at a younger age.

I suffered from failure to launch for many years, drifting through life and trying to find my way. I find myself back in that boat again for the first time in years. Im starting over again. Do you know how many fucking times I’ve started over? There is no shame in that. It’s just life.

Before I left my last job, one of the executive managers pulled me into her office to talk. She was Russian and an immigrant. Started in restaurant work and eventually found a job in the call center of my old company. Her and the CEO clicked very well and before long she was his right hand man, making six figures.

That day she pulled me into the office and asked what I’m going to do, to which I replied I wasn’t sure but would figure it out. She said “you know you’re going to have to start all over right?” I said I was aware, and that I’ve started over many times in my life.

She looked at me and told me that at some point, I have to stop starting over. I was immediately filled with this fire in my stomach and chest. I wanted to tell her off right then and there, and ask her if she has forgotten where she came from, how many times it took starting over before she landed where she is.

Instead I calmly said “I don’t agree with you. I think starting over is very bold. Eventually I will start over again and I will find where I’m meant to be.” And she looked at me like I was crazy. She then proceeded to suggest that I look into trailers, because they’re way cheaper than apartments or houses. I laughed a little, given I live in South Florida where Hurricanes hit almost yearly.

When I walked out of her office I didn’t feel sad or lesser than. I felt sorry for her. She struggled so hard and started over many times before she found her success. The difficulties we face when things get tough are what build our character. The way we respond during those times is a direct reflection of ourselves and our own growth. She must have gone through so much and instead of allowing that to change her for the better, she forgot where she came from as soon as she got the good job and married a surgeon.

She failed to receive the lessons. She left behind the wisdom, knowledge, compassion, and reality that was bestowed upon her as she struggled and continued to never give up.

Now she is a corporate robot, driving the Tesla and carrying the $2000 purse with her Starbucks every morning. She pays her mother a salary to be a live in nanny to her daughter whom she gave birth to thanks to IVF, something many can’t afford.

She has completely forgotten who she was in those periods of life. Resourceful, grounded, driven, compassionate, full of life. It’s almost as if getting the success she wanted so badly took her soul out of her body.

No matter what degree of success I achieve in life, I will never forget who I’ve been. I won’t forget the hours I spent crying alone in my bed within the room I paid $800/month for with pennies left in my bank account afterwards. I won’t forget the hopeless, beautiful girl drinking from the liquor bottle on her bedroom floor in the dark because she couldn’t look at herself in the mirror. I won’t forget the girl who acted as a rock to her mother while my father died, delaying and intensifying the ways in which my own grief later derailed my life.

There have been so many seasons in my life, and I have learned from them all. The lesson is far from over. I will start over as many times as it takes to get it right and when I do, you’d best believe I wont be sitting there with a $10k+ ring in my finger trying to coach someone in their 20s about how to survive in a setting that is not working financially. Suggesting trailers and looking for scrap metal to turn in. I will never be that out of touch.

And I just hope the remaining close friends I have are along for that ride. I wont die without them, but I hope they’ll be there.

Have a good Friday.

[starlit-fantasy]

It’s strange being in someone else’s bed and knowing how much love has resided there while knowing that I will never have that.

Well, everything is good until it’s not. My eyelids were open, and I could see his face within a proximity I didn’t realize we were at. His snores are soft, and I’m just glad he’s finally catching up on sleep. The past few days have been rough for him. The lead time from discovering the airplane tickets and hotel receipts to the fights and eventual breakup was short. He’s a sweet guy, always has been since college, and I couldn’t imagine that out of anyone I know it has to be him who suffered that kind of betrayal. I, for the most part, couldn’t say much that would help. For the last couple of days we made it a routine to go grab dinner together after work–in which for every occasion he would prolong the chats until the restaurant would kick us out. I understand him, it is never easy coming back to an empty apartment where there used to be so much love inside. The traces of her still remain in this place.

The hangover still drags me down, pinning me to the pillows like an unseen hand. I’m not fully awake, but my mind drifts to the furthest reaches of this place, tracing every detail my eyes can follow. Strips of photobox pictures hang on the wall, the same ones I’ve seen scattered across her Instagram. Crumpled gift bags sit discarded in the corner, bright and careless, relics of birthdays or anniversaries I’ll never know. The pink quilt wraps around us, spread like a quiet assertion of who truly defines this home. Dolls, toys, unisex perfumes clutter the space, more photos scattered on the bedside table. It feels intimate but hollow, like stepping into a memory that isn’t mine. And as I lie here, pretending I belong, I start imagining them—laughing in the kitchen, recounting their days in this very bed, fighting, then finding their way back to each other before the sun climbed the sky. I can’t help but wonder—am I reenacting their past, or am I just reaching for the feeling of love I’ve never let myself have?

In truth, I’ve never let myself be vulnerable like that. I’ve wrapped my heart in hobbies, distractions, little luxuries to keep the loneliness at bay. But all those things are just locks on a coffin, the one I’ve buried my heart in, safe from anyone who might want to crack it open. And I sit here, pretending I’m okay. Pretending I don’t want to feel what she felt, even if it was doomed.

I hate myself for it. For wanting what I swore I’d never need. For being here, in someone else’s bed, like a thief trying to steal warmth from a fire long extinguished. I write to fill the void, I devour art and music like it’ll make me whole, but there’s never enough. I go through the motions—work, friends, laughter—but at the end of the day, I crawl into bed alone. Every night, staring at the darkness behind my eyelids, I wait for sleep that never feels like rest.

I think back to August, twelve years ago, when life still brimmed with possibility. But even that memory feels heavy now, tinged with a sadness I can’t quite shake. I’m not sure how I ended up here—stuck in a town that feels like a slow death, where the distance between two people grows like a poison. And then, there’s the girl from last week. I stood in the same ocean she disappeared into, my mind circling around Woolf’s pockets full of stones and Plath’s head in the oven. Every Saturday, I row out into the open sea, staring into that vastness, always wondering if I’d float. When I fell off my board, I’d sink under, holding my breath until my lungs screamed for air. That pain—it felt real. More real than anything I’ve let myself feel in years. And sometimes, when I’m under the water, I wonder how anyone could love someone who keeps testing how long they can stay down there.

And yet, I’ve spent my life craving that love. But now that it’s within reach, it feels like cheating. Like I’m devouring something forbidden, too quickly, too recklessly, afraid of being caught with the evidence smeared across my face. It’s not just that I want to be loved—it's that I’ve always wanted it too much. And nobody wants someone starving for affection. So I hid it. I walk through the harsh January sun, hands stuffed deep in my pockets, pretending I don’t want anything at all. But the truth is, I want everything—so much that I feel like a bottomless pit in the shape of a person, swallowing up anything that looks like love, too desperate to even taste it.

And now, as his eyes flutter open and he smiles softly, brushing his hand against my head, I feel that familiar panic rise. I need love, but I don’t trust it. I’ve never trusted it. If I stay, if I let him see too much, he’ll leave—like everyone does. I can’t bear the weight of that, not again. So, I do what I always do: I’ll leave first. I’ll find some flaw, some imperfection in him, even if I have to invent it. I’ll make myself believe it was never going to work, that this was all a mistake. It’s easier that way—easier than waiting for the inevitable goodbye. 

I slip out of his bed, out of this place that was never really mine, before he even realizes I’m gone.