#but I’m really proud of the outcome tbh

[sexynetra]

Surprise I finally posted chapter 4 :)

Coming to you way late due to *drumroll please* criminals! Police stakeouts! Mental breakdowns!

Anyways it’s like 7k words so I hope the length makes up for the stupidly long wait between last chapter and this one 😭 also I posted it from my phone so if there’s formatting errors… I’m sorry I tried my best, now please enjoy!! I’m proud of how it ended up :)

[inadeqcies]

❝ —— MY  FATHER  SAYS  SHE  WAS  BORN  LUCKY  .  HE  SAYS  I  WAS  LUCKY  TO  BE  BORN "

WCS | MUSINGS | CLICK BELOW FOR INTRO

. ･ﾟ   ┇    (  taylor zakhar perez  .  cis male  .  he/him  )  .    ⸻ ricardo garcia  ,  twenty-seven years old  ,  has  survived  another  day  in  red  creek  where  they  have  lived  for 6 months . the  regal is  known  for  being  hubristic  and steely and  is  often  associated  with routinely clenching and unclenching jaws, slow smirks that feel like a deal with the devil, clean pressed perfectly tailored shirts matched with expensive cologne  .  in  a  small  town  where  they  work  as  the owner of the register word  travels  fast 

HELLOOO ! i’m g ! i’m 27 , living in the cursed aedt tz . . i use she / her pronouns . i am a proud indian , and lover of all poc ! i’m also doing the dolly parton working 9 to 5 , what a way to make a living ! so my activity will be v random as i also got a new job and i think the hours will be wild !

inspo for ricardo is jackson whittemore ( teen wolf ) , guzman ( elite ),  every character from succession , harry bingham ( the society ) maybe a little logan echolls ( veronica mars ) and a little bit nate jacobs ( euphoria ) 

he puts the ASS in ASSHOLE ( and clASSy , but i prefer asshole )

heterosexual cis male . . . that says it all :/

a demon boy

honestly ricardo is an arrogant and smug piece of shit , who has probably offended you or said something greatly insulting to you at some point in your life ( im so sorry and i will continue apologising for him but he really is so irredeemable ) 

uses people so he can get ahead / get what he wants

is only focused on himself and an outcome that suits him

will use you

will treat you like shit

will smirk annoyingly as he does it all

cruel

has major anger issues

has major issues in general tbh

honestly just really hates himself and has so much self hate and pent up anger . he probably should go to therapy

‘ i feel like i’m the worst , so i always act like i’m the best ‘

he was given up for adoption at a young age , and thats basically the main source of all of his rage and anger and ability to think he is not worth anything ( self fulfilling prophecy tbh )

he bounced around for a while , foster home to foster home . he got into a lot of fights , with other kids , and with foster parents . he was not an easy kid , nor did he try to be . if anything - he always did the opposite

lowkey definitely has commitment issues and doesn’t like the idea of needing anybody except for himself , hence why he will always be snarky and a lil ass

he finally got adopted properly when he was about 15 years old - by two women who are smart , intelligent , quick witted and very wealthy

he was not close to them , despite their best efforts , but he does greatly respect them and their ‘’’ Hustle ‘’’’

he's come to redcreek for . . . reasons that may be explained later hehe . he's been here for 6 months and he fucking hates it ! he hates u people ! he hates this shitty town !

he definitiely paid his way into owning the register like by no means should this be his job . he's so Succession coded .

i am soooo open to connections and plots ! sorry this isn’t v well developed but i usually work best off chemistry and just kinda running with whatever ? i'm online really sporadically so pls forgive that . . . also pls forgive me for bringing such a c-bomb of a character in LMAO .

[officialhouseguest]

bummed about quinn, and mad that some of the most annoying people on twitter are cheering about this, but today is genuinely making me realize just how unhealthy things were for me during bb25 😭

like outside the show things were really not going Very Good for me last summer so i def think the emotions the show was bringing up were more of a side effect of that than the cause but like… i was going THROUGH it from like week 8 (tbh probably before that) to at least the second double eviction (when i gave up caring bc disappointment was inevitable lmao)… like WHY was i doing All That during the invisible HOH week 💀

and now this year things are doing much better for me on like a personal level and so are my reactions to the show haha! i think it’s helped by the fact that all these players games are sooo flawed in their own ways without (at least some far) any majorly problematic shit that i’m just like… extremely chill 😎 extremely at peace with the outcomes of the parking lot show 😎 channeling my inner dawg at the crib 😎

anyway! long post that’s mostly not even really about bb but i’m mostly just glad im not in that headspace anymore and proud that i made it through to the other side of all that bc as invested in this silly show as i sometimes get last year was really on a new level that was Not Good For Me™️ and this year it feels like we are returning to Regulated Superfandom 🫡

[goingdownorup]

Final thoughts on YCAO:

I’m not really expecting people to see this, but as a wrap up for any fic I write I usually like to come back and do my thoughts after the hype has kind of calmed down. This fic is on anon, but I figured I would continue my tradition even if it was just for me lmao.

Obvious spoilers for the fic if you haven’t read it!!!

I’ve seen a few people not happy with the boat boy ending, and with that, I say…good? I mean, not in a rude way, but that is exactly the emotion I wanted when finishing out their storyline. It was pretty clear imo that neither of them could get what they wanted completely. Joel and Etho wanted different things more than they wanted each other, which is why I think it hurts in the end that both of them realize that they really wanted everything. They can’t have both, and that sucks and that's how their world(s) work. Joel can have Lizzie and his world, and Etho can have Bdubs and his world, but they can’t have each other with that outcome. That’s the fact about their relationship.

I’ve seen a few people theorize that Grian could bring Lizzie and Joel back to the main world- which, yes, he could- but at least in my head, that’s not a possibility. Joel’s driving force in the fic was to get home to Lizzie, but it was also to get home. I don’t think, even with their relationship on the mend, that Etho or Joel consider each other home anymore. They’ve grown as people, in both a good and a bad way, and that’s okay! I want that pain of growing distant but the inability to because of an outlying source. Soulbounds are a bitch in this series lmao.

Speaking of soulbounds, Impulse and Bdubs, am I right? But seriously, the one part I put in Impulse’s POV was so self-indulgent but I love his character so much so I had too. As soon as my brain decided Impulse could see the strings I needed to write him. I really love the idea of ‘what could’ve been’ for Bdubs and Impulse. The two of them have already built up a perception of each other that eventually they could tear down, but would take more effort then either of them are willing to do at that point in their life. Maybe down the line they could be friends, and I like to think that with the fact that Etho and Impulse lean on each other more now that they eventually become better friends.

I won’t touch on Scar and Grian, or Ren and Marytn, since their stories are still getting written atm but Ren and Etho… my one critique with myself is not building their relationship up more. I think the impact would’ve been better if I really made the point that Etho and Ren were better friends then what I did. You live and you learn, and hopefully next fic I can keep my relationships more clear. (At least the ones I want to be clear lol)

I think the fic went over unreasonably well, people were overwhelmingly nice and it was such a good introduction to the fandom. Probably the second best if not the best reaction to a fic I’ve gotten tbh. My personal rating: 8/10 I’m proud of this fic

Link if you haven’t read it

[arwenkenobi48]

So I’ve been contemplating/reevaluating my faith for a while now but I finally made a breakthrough and I’m really happy with the outcome

I’m now proud to announce that I am a Unitarian Universalist, but that’s not the only good news

You know how people say they’ve found Jesus after having a kind of epiphany?

Well, I found Shiva 💖

I’ve been praying to Him for several days and I haven’t had any nightmares or flashbacks, barely any intrusive thoughts either

I guess I just realised that He’s always been there and He’s always loved me, which I never doubted, I just didn’t know His name until recently

Kinda like how I discovered I’m trans tbh; I’ve only just found the words to describe what’s always been there (or rather, who’s been there in this case)

Essentially, my faith is now more refined and stronger than ever and I’m already feeling much better because of it

It genuinely feels like there’s no “loose ends” to me anymore, like I fully know who I am and there’s no more unanswered questions

I can’t even describe what a massive relief that is, like I genuinely feel so much relief and a real sense of peace and safety that I don’t see going away any time soon

And if I ever do feel afraid or unstable, I know who I can turn to

🙏Om namah Shivaya🙏

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 5x03 Looking for Par'Mach In All The Wrong Places thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!) [8 Sept ‘23]

Julian, eavesdropping on the O'Briens? You weirdo.

"You can hear what they're saying?" Julian has zero cool. None.

"The other O'Briens, Miles and Kira." Love that this is A Fact.

Okay Quark and Julian make such a weird little duo.

Ngl, I am looking forward to when Worf finds out that Grilka is Quark's ex

Hehehe, his growly face, yep, worth it

"Word gets around. It's a small station." "IT'S A HUGE STATION!" Miles' outrage XD You know how gossip works, Miles!

Meh, not a fan of the "I bet you looked conversation" :/

"I will apologise for this at a later time. YOU ARE IN MY SEAT." My goodness Worf, you better be arrested for this? Just straight up punching Morn to impress a girl?! Flipping heck...

That's a kindly old Klingon tbh.

"Respect?! Okay.." Wow, Quark really has it bad 😅 Nevr thought I'd see the day when he'd respect a woman XD

Worf telling Quark how to date...

"Either she accepts your offer, or she has her bodyguard shatter every bone in your body." I bet Worf's hoping for the latter outcome 😂

"You've got leave coming. Take three weeks and go." I thought it was two weeks to get to Earth?

"I can think of worse things. than spending three weeks in Ireland with you." The sudden awkwardness makes me giggle, even if I do hate the forced 'cheating implications' as opposed to the beautiful polyamory we could have had.

This is so funny, Worf trying to prove he does know about Klingon women via Quark's courtship XD

It's actually sweet how much Quark is trying.

Odo is so sarcastic! "And I'll refrain from making any further disparaging remarks about the Chief. I mean, Miles." That grin! 🤣

Keiko very aggressively sending Kira and Miles off together XD

"The way she carries herself, confident and strong. She commands those around her. The proud tilt of her head. The way her face betrays none of her true feelings. The power of her voice. And her eyes, as hard as separ gemstones and twice as sharp." Tbh a lot of this could describe Dax.

Grilka looks at Quark so hungrily after he hands her the sword XD

"At least Quark can see an opportunity when it's standing right in front of him." I love Jadzia's own irritation throughout this.

"It gets worse... it may be one of the most romantic spots in all of Bajor." This is so funny even though I hate it

"It would have been nice. In another life." YEAH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN. In a life where you weren't written in the 90s...

Julian's face when he realises how Quark got those injuries... 😂"Never mind." Like, Grillka is literally right there, you could have guessed before asking XD

"What happened to you two?" "Well if you must know, err...." "No!" Once again, his brain's caught up with his eyes XD

I can't even, Julian's so awkward I love him

"I do not like the uncertainty of that arrangement." Aw, bless. That is rough on Worf tbf. He's right that she was the pursuer.

I still think he needs to face Odo over assaulting Morn, though!

Also, did anyone else notice that in THE episode about pining over someone you can't have, Julian gives absolutely 0 hints of jealousy about Jadzia and Worf, and just responds in exactly the same way that he does to Quark and Grillka?

... Actually the only person that he is weird about in this episode is Miles -- at first with his eavesdropping on their arguments, and then with the trying to get holosuite time, and then trying to have a weird male bonding conversation over Miles' involvement with Kira (to disguise his jealousy?) 👀👀👀

[foggyparadisecandy]

On Struggling and Learning to Live

I hope anyone who is really struggling in life seeks help to get through their pain.

It really upsets me knowing how much K struggles. I hope she is seeking proper therapy to sort through her trauma and self-esteem issues.

I’m working through my unhealthy obsession with her slowly and steadily but I will always love her and care about her.

I know that when I was severely depressed in my late teens and early twenties, nothing anyone else did helped me out. Worst was the people who would say “why are you sad? You are so blessed.” Or garbage like that.

I wasn’t sad. I was fucking depressed and felt like a worthless piece of shit. Honestly, I still do way too often but I have been aggressively working on it lately.

THANKS TO K FOR THAT.

Seriously. I hope someday she can see the massive good she has done for me and she puts that in her “win” column and it helps her feel good about herself.

My attachment to K is a complete and utter mess tbh. A complicated interwoven mess. I’m done sorting through it and now I’m just at peace with it.

One thing that I know for a fact, clear as a bell: she has been through a lot in life. More than any one person should go through. So fucking unfair. And, even so, she has survived! She is a fighter. She is strong. She is smart. She is capable.

Is she strong enough to see she needs help? Proper help? Idk and it worries me horribly. I know … it’s none of my business any longer. I was discarded and treated poorly.

She needs to own that, ofc, and hopefully grow. But to me, none of that matters because I have used it to fix some shit. It was a net good. I hope she does the same. I hope she finds her peace.

She deserves peace. I wish she could see herself as I see her. Strong. Capable. Deserving. Loveable. Loving. Sweet. Caring. I could go on and on (and have in the past lol).

I write this into the void of my blog, with the hopes that it gets to her and she feels the love and feels empowered to seek out help for her depression. Life has been hard for her. Sometimes it makes us stronger. Sometimes there is fragility in strength.

There is an old saying that goes “the flexible reed that bends in the storm is stronger than the mighty oak which breaks.”

Be the reed, K, not the oak. Standing strong and proud is not always a recipe for long-term positive outcomes.

I have faith in you. I love you. I always will and I hope that gives you some peace and warmth.

[zorya-reads]

Chapter 41.

Princess in Practice 

Context: Anastacia and Ellie are wrapping up their fencing tournament, discussing the outcome, when Percy barrels in like a chicken with its head cut off. Without so much as a word, they just know something’s gone sideways with the rest of the gang.

Okay, I actually like Ellie being third. Because homegirl did so well and deserves to be proud of herself, but it’s realistic, Ellie gets more motivation to see her progress and improve but most importantly we avoid her turning into the awesome cocky piece of shit she is rubbing it into Jamie’s and Lottie’s faces for the next few months. :D

I love how Ellie’s immediate reaction to seeing Percy panic is grabbing the sabre. We stan preparedness.

Oooo Percy’s perspective here was super interesting to see!

Short chapter really, but as it should tbh.

✧ Read All Chapter Reactions

Premise: I’m rereading the Rosewood Chronicles Series for the first time after years, so take my chaotic commentary with a grain of salt (or a whole salt shaker). Open to spoilers.

[borderline-gays-club]

1/4/23 12:59am

Another year has passed and I’ve been taking my time to reflect. Time really does not make sense to me. Everyday feels like a blink. A step closer to some type of freedom. At least that what I hope for.

I won’t get into any kitty gritty at the moment, I don’t feel the need to. But I will say I’ve changed so much in a year. And I’m really proud of myself. I’m doing the work and I’m actually seeing the outcome. It’s kinda crazy honestly.

Last year New Year’s Eve I remember crying on the train. I think I wrote abt it on here. I was in deep obsession with a coworker I barely talked to and was feeling upset abt that. Bc yah obsessions are upsetting. And this New Year’s Eve, I got to make me and my 2 close friends my take on a traditional New Years dinner. It was so much fun. I haven’t felt that much excitement for cooking in a while. It was very refreshing. I love feeding ppl I love the food I make. That’s definitely one of my love languages.

Of course a lot more deep rooted change has happened but I’ll continue to reflect. I really do love the new years bc it gives me a time stamp for me to b able to comprehend myself. Esp already being so bad with time, I like having a concrete day to ask myself yearly questions and reflections.

Anyway. It’s a new year and it’s not so much a new me but an ever growing me. I’m slowly falling in love with myself and it’s hard but it’s happening. It’s hard for me to even type it bc I still don’t believe it all the time but: I love myself. And I’m proud of where I got myself to be. I don’t have much going financially or materially now, but I’m really in a much better place. I don’t feel the need for material/social things to define me like I used to. I’m finding my way.

I don’t want to say that I hope everyone’s new year was a good one, bc tbh that just feels empty. I kno this period of time in general is sensitive and difficult for ppl like us, and rightfully so. And even aside from that, I can’t not think abt Palestine everyday. What is a good new year if genocide continues to unfold in front of our eyes…

With that said, I wish everyone peace even if it’s only a minute a day. New year is just another day. Even if you feel that you’ve been regressing or not making the progress that you want, tomorrow is another day to try again. Step by step we will reach our truth. Watever that means to u. Be patient. Be gentle. (Writing this for other ppl reading but also writing all this for me).

Drink water, eat food when hungry, sleep enough hours (lol not me tonite). Good night ❤️

[autpunk-artist]

So I’ve never seen Steven universe but I adore fusions lol so here is Law and Ace dancing and their fusion Lace ♥️♠️♥️♠️

Click for better quality

And have a bonus read more of them without the devils fruit powers so the details are more visible

[peninkwrites]

do you think you'll be continuing your fic? ofc its okay to not know yet!! /gen /nf

Tbh, anon, I don't know yet. I'm a firm believer in separating character from cc and have thought so since the early days, but I don't really know if I'm comfortable continuing just yet. At the very least there will be a pause.

I'll share my current thoughts, but fanfics are low on my priority list right now when supporting the victims takes precedent. (not that I mind you asking!)

The Mafia AU I am more inclined to continue because his character is much more minor, while Wake Up is a bit harder to puzzle out. If I choose not to continue, I'll at least share what I had planned.

For now, I'm just going to leave things on pause, both for my own comfort and as to not go on 'business as usual' considering the severity of the situation. While I'm here, I'll just make my stance clear: I do not support Dream or any of his actions. I won't go into detail beyond that whatever the outcome, I'd rather temporarily support a 'liar' than support a powerful man who abused that power.

Hope everyone is doing okay. I don’t want the horrible actions of one person to destroy a community that has thrived independently of its source material for ages before, and I’m proud of this community for being able to choose the right thing over the easy one, and I hope we can continue in a way that does not support him.

tl:dr

Right now my fics are on pause as supporting the victims is the most important thing, I do not support Dream, and I have no intention of leaving this community in its entirety.

[storiesofsvu]

The Washington Saga Pt 9

Beth x reader! A Piece of Penthouse Warnings: language, some hurt/comfort. Tbh, i had more planned for this, but i really just wanted for it to get done and wrap up the washington part of this series. We will be back in NYC for a bit, but don’t worry…Beth will be back….also this is completely unedited & I’m exhausted so…..dont come for me…

You weren’t entirely unsure how your time in Washington was already coming to a close, it felt like just yesterday they’d been calling the verdict on the Paley trial. Instead, your last few weeks had been completely focussed on debates, and pulling as many votes as you could from where Beth wasn’t getting them. You and Casey both made your way with her team to the polling booths, placing your votes, making a few statements, which of course, a lot of comments and questions towards you pertained to the trial and your work with the President over the last year. There was no doubt your name wasn’t going to be forgotten out in D.C anytime soon.

Before you knew it, election night was upon you, cameras were littered throughout a few offices of the White House, and campaign offices around the city. Most coverage was news outlets, the occasional interview from someone on staff, or another cabinet member. You’d sent Casey home a couple of hours ago, knowing that she needed to burn off some steam and someone needed to take Nic out. Now, you were sprawled over a chair in Rob’s office, the two of you attempting to hang onto the coverage of the votes rolling in while you indulged in take out and a few beers. This was always the tedious part, you knew going in Beth had a very high chance, and you could always tell who was in the lead, or you at least knew in your gut what the outcome was going to be. Instead you had to wait, and wait, and wait for official results.

The two of you had taken to a game of backgammon, trying to keep yourselves entertained while the polls closed across the country. Naturally, with you being so trapped in your head, Rob kicked your ass the first game, softly chuckling as he reset for the next game, a few moves in he spoke, no longer taunting, breaking into your thoughts.

“You could’ve thrown the trial…” he murmured and your head shot up, your brows furrowing before you laughed.

“And what? Had her thrown in jail? My and your reputations be thrown in the toilet? That sounds like great advice.” You playfully hucked a straw wrapper at him as you ducked your gaze, “but…I do get where you’re coming from…so thank you..”

“Why not just stay on?”

“Politics gives me migraines.” You muttered, “besides, my leave of absence was only approved for a year, and I’m already in talks for a promotion back in New York. As much as I’d love to stay with her…this isn’t home…”

“You really hate D.C that much?” He chuckled, glancing up at you as the game continued.

“Yeah.” You scoffed, “don’t get me wrong. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is always going to be wherever Beth is…but our life together in New York was something so incredibly different than it could ever be out here. I mean…you were there for all of it..you know…”

“Yeah.” He gave you a soft smile, “there’s a level of privacy…of intimacy that you’ll never get out here…”

“Exactly. It’s tricky enough trying to sneak around the residence without security picking up on shit. And I know how much she hates it. Every day she tells me how much she loves me, and is proud of me, wants to be able to show me off to the world like I deserve, but I can’t let her do that.”

“You know…having a fully out president might help a lot of people out there.” Rob suggested and you let out a little sigh.

“It would help an incredible amount of people. But after the bullshit she went through in her first four years, all it would do is destroy her career.” You took a moment to distract yourself with the game at hand, trying to format your words properly, “I’ll just have to wait another either two months or four years to find out what’s going to happen…and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the latter…”

Your game paused briefly as the news announced yet another closure of the polls, Beth was incredibly well in the lead and you let out a soft sigh, distracting yourself back into the game. It was only a few moves later that Rob’s phone pinged, after glancing at it, he let out a little grumble, moving to stand as he pulled back on his suit jacket.

“I need to get back to the Oval, announcement’s coming soon.”

“Well…” you smiled softly at him as you followed his lead, gathering your things, “I truly hope your next four years are far less chaotic and messy as the first were.”

“Thanks.” He flashed you a smile, then paused as he hit the doorway, “oh! Everything for your travel arrangements home are in the top left drawer of my desk.”

“Oh, thanks!” You sent him off with a wave, sorting through the drawer until you found what he was talking about, tucking it into your bag before you made your own way through the White House.

The further you got from his office, the quieter it was, and the closer you got to the residence, the more at peace you felt. You’d known this entire time that this was temporary, and as much as you hated having to leave, you’d been mentally preparing for it basically the entire time. You had an apartment and a career waiting for you back in Manhattan, and they were eager to have you back.

You unlocked the door to the residence, moving through the space easily as you stepped out of your shoes, giving Nic a little hello scratch. You dumped your bag on the bed, swiftly changing out of your suit for a comfy set of pyjamas, you frowned at the half empty dresser drawers, your eyes darting towards the suitcases in the corner you’d slowly been packing over the past couple of weeks. You could hear Casey in her suite, the t.v echoing through the adjoining en suite bathroom and you let out a little sigh, crossing the room back to your bag to pull out the travel documents. You figured she was probably going to hide in her room tonight to give you and Beth some privacy, you may as well get her the paperwork now.

Instead, you found yourself frowning yet again. The folder Rob had left for you only had paperwork and tickets for you,

“Hey?” You called through the room, padding your way through the bathroom to the slightly opened door of Casey’s bedroom, knocking on it lightly, “Case?”

“Yeah?” She replied and you pushed the door open. She was sitting on the bed, take out container beside her, laptop in front of her, “you’re back already?”

“No professional need for me to be in the Oval.” You shrugged, your eyes scanned over her laptop screen and your head tilted, “why’re you apartment hunting? I get if you don’t want to go back to the Penthouse, but you’ve still got your old apartment?”

“I…”

“Uh, whatever.” You waved it off, “you do you. I get wanting a change of scenery. Did Rob give you your transport info already? I figured ours would be together but the folder only has mine?” You stepped into the room, dropping down on the bed beside her, swiping a piece of shrimp from her dinner.

“No…I haven’t gotten it.”

“I’ll check with him tomorrow.” Your eyes faltered to the computer screen, skimming over the page of apartment listings, “ooh! That one’s fucking nice, what quadrant?” Before Casey even processed it you’d clicked on the listing, swiping through the photos as you sang praises for the apartment. Then you got to the last slide, the picture depicting the map and location, “Case…” you glanced up at her, “why are you looking at apartments in D.C?”

“I got offered a job…” she admitted with a sheepish look on her face.

“Beth didn’t tell me….you’re not coming home are you?”

“It didn’t come from Beth,” she huffed, shoving more food in her face to distract herself, “Heather offered me a position at the law firm she still oversees, said she had a paralegal position open to cover someone’s maternity leave.”

“Are you sure?” Your voice softened as your hand reached out to squeeze at Casey’s and she nodded.

“I still have another year left on my suspension.” She shrugged, “if I go back to New York, it’s going to take me monthsto find a job in my field, if I even do. And there’s one ready and waiting for me here…please don’t hate me…”

“Case!” You let out a laugh, “first off, you know I could never hate you! Secondly, that honestly does sound like the better option. If you’ve got a solid going forward here in D.C, you should take it.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, glancing up at you, not missing the misting of tears in your eyes.

“Yeah.” You squeezed at her hand, “you know I’ll always support you babe, no matter what the decision is.”

“Then why do you look so sad right now?”

You let out a watery laugh, glancing away from her as you sniffled before turning back to her with a small smile,

“Maybe because Beth is about to win the presidency, which means another four years that I have to wait, pretending that none of this ever happened?”

“You really do love her?”

“Yeah….and considering her first term…I’m pretty fucking worried what might happen over her second.”

“Hey…” it was Casey’s turn to squeeze at your hand, “you sent those bastards to jail or worse…no one’s going to fuck with her this time.”

“Thanks.” You gave her the best smile you could, “I’m just going to miss her…and you….”

“You’ve got plenty of friends back in Manhattan, I know you’ll be okay for a year.” She replied and you let out a huff.

“And I know you need this.” You squeezed her hand once more as you rose from the bed, “promise to be here when I leave for my flight?”

“Of course.” Casey assured, “if I’m taking you to my grave you’re not gonna get rid of me that easily.” She teased, standing from the bed,

“Good.” You wrapped around her in a tight hug, “don’t let Dunbar work you too hard. And never forget how much I love you.”

“I love you more.” She pressed a kiss to your temple, holding you tightly for another moment as you both processed your futures. It was only when she heard the front door of the residence close that she let you go, nudging you towards the noise, “go…” with a soft nod you silently slipped from her room, moving back to the main area of the suite.

It wasn’t a total surprise that Beth had stepped out of her shoes, letting out a soft sigh as she tossed her blazer over a chair, moving to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of scotch and grab a snack, thankful for the quiet and serene that was the residence.

“I believe congratulations are in order?” You smiled as you moved through the space and she chuckled lightly.

“I suppose they are.” Beth replied, her hands finding a home on your hips as yours wrapped around her shoulders, meeting her with a gentle kiss.

“Congratulations Madame President.” You murmured against her skin.

“Thank you.” She murmured back, chasing you for another kiss that you couldn’t help but smile into, “is that what’s made you so sad?”

“What do you mean?” Your brow furrowed as you pulled away, staying in her embrace.

“You’re upset.” She nodded, “don’t think I can’t read you little one, what’s going on in that glorious brain of yours?” She stroked at your cheek and you let out a little sigh, ducking your gaze from hers,

“Casey’s staying here….” You glanced up, “and I knew you were going to win. I guess I’m just a little down about going back to New York alone. Which…has nothing to do with either of you! I knew what I was getting into when we got together, and I knew that Casey could end up anywhere but Manhattan, I guess I’m just bummed.”

“Oh sweetheart…” Beth placed a gentle kiss on your lips, “how about we try and distract you for the last couple of days you’re here then?” She nodded towards the t.v, “watch our favourite movies? Rob dropped off your favourite bottle of wine the other day.”

“That sounds perfect.” You replied, doing your best to not let the tears cloud your eyes as you looked up at Elizabeth, you were incredibly proud of her after all. She had gone through so much, overcome so much, and ended up winning the second election, even if you really wanted to keep her all to yourself, you knew the country both needed and deserved her, and that was far more important.

“I love you.” You whispered into the next kiss she pressed to your lips and you felt her lips curve up in a smile as she returned the embrace.

“And I will love you for the rest of my life little one.” She murmured, “you are forever and always what I desire.”

“Well now you’re just going to make me cry harder.” You laughed through a sniffle, letting her guide you to the couch as you settled in with the bottle of celebratory wine.

It was roughly an hour later that you were nearly asleep on Beth’s shoulder, your eyes fluttering between every line of dialogue that she ushered you to bed. Less than a week later you finally bid goodbye to your life in D.C. First, your private and very intimate goodbye with Beth, where you made sure to memorize every single inch of each other before finally saying goodbye. You made a saddened goodbye to Casey, reminding her to keep in touch and that you always had her back, and that she would be welcomed back into Manhattan whenever she was ready. The rest of the political crew you said your best goodbyes too, Rob promised to visit, especially with the kids. Heather reminded you once again that she had a cousin working defence that could hook you up with a job that you laughed at and assured her you would never swap teams, but would keep an eye our for her cousin.

In the end, if was a very tearful and private goodbye with Beth, clinging to each other as you assured the other that the next four years would be a breeze, that there would be no problems. You reminded her that you would be available in an instant if she need a lawyer, that you were always at her beck and call.

Once you’d boarded the plane you noticed the texts from the crew back in Manhattan, a slew of welcome back messages, congratulating you on your political work and you let out a happy sigh.

‘You did wonderfully sweetheart.’ Liz’s text read, ‘and I know you can expect a promotion upon your return. I hope to see you again soon.’

_______________ @screenee @jamiethetrans @natasha-danvers @Veteranwerewolf95 @imlike-so-gaydude @svulife-rl @gay-ass-bitch @oliviaswifey @mysticfalls01 @cmmndrwidw @bumblebear30 @molllss @solemnnova @svushots @nocreditinthestraightworld @yourtaletotell @cerberus-spectre @thatgaygiraffesquirrelgirl @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @addictedtodinosaurs @imaginaryoperagloves @wandasbrat @lustvolle-liebe @disn3y7 @samwithnoplan @multifandomlesbianic @swimmingstudentchaos891 @drduckthief @whimsicallymad @alexusonfire @mmmmokdok @lazarettta @muscatmusic18 @sia2raw @ladysc @dxtery @1-lindsay83 @ms-calhoun @holycrapraewth @poisonedcrowns @wannabe-fic-reader

[kkulmoon]

BEST OF 2021: post your most favourite or most popular posts from each month this year 

 Sending all the smooches to the loveliest people who tagged me, thank you lovelies 😘: @rumue  @kithtaehyung  @rainycle  @hobeah  @jeonjcngkook  @jimimn  @kimtaehyunq  @loverjimin  @suga-ssi  @jung-koook 💗 (i think that’s everyone 👀)

 My engagement and output on Tumblr has gone through its ups and downs this year with life happening here and there, but nonetheless I have enjoyed my time on here this year 🥺. I got closer with friends I had made last year, I got new friends, got to try out new things on the giffing front, and got to see so many amazing creations ✨! So truthfully, I am very grateful for everyone that engages in the community in whichever way they want which is why I am still here. Also thank you to anyone who has supported my content, I have had times where I was anxious of posting again after a break, but it has always been a welcoming space once I got back 🥰 I definitely didn’t post as much as I wanted to this year (though there’s a bunch of gifs I made that I never posted 😩) but I am happy with what I did do, something is better than nothing 🥺 

 ☁️ JANUARY most popular: Namjoon on VLive Being Tricked with the “close eye and poke cheek” ‘dare’ | 3.5k  favourites: Namjoon Season Greetings 2021 Looks Comp , Namjoon on VLive updating us on the status of his snow duck maker   ↪ okay in hindsight I actually like the colouring for the sg 2021 comp, I definitely think I popped off (dare I say top 3 of my colourings this year 👀), I’m gonna need to find my psd for those gifs. Joon telling us that he broke the snow duck maker is just suck a joon thing to do, so I find that moment very wholesome. 

 ☁️ FEBRUARY most popular: Hobi Birthday comp | 3.5 k ↪ to this day I have no idea what I was trying to do with this bday comp, but I’m not too mad at the result hehe favourites: Black Swan Performance on James Corden, Namjoon Comp Run BTS Episode 128, Hoseok Bday Week Event: 94 line friendship  ↪ first off just looking at all these sets you will see how I don’t have one set colouring. But to this DAY I am VERY PROUD of what I managed to do with my colouring on for the black swan set, I can spend hours on colouring, which I did with this set, like 2,5 hours but the result was soooo worth it. The Joon run bts set didn’t only include funny moments, but I got many compliments on that colouring so I hold it dear to my heart. The 94 liner comp was one of the comps I enjoyed making the most this year, idk, Hobi and Joon’s friendship is just so wholesome like that. 

☁️ MARS most popular & favourite: Yoongi Birthday Comp  | 4.4 k ↪ Sooooo I literally posted two gifsets this month 🥴, and just like most of my bday comps I made it the day I was gonna post cause I like living on edge like that T^T, but I really liked the outcome, I let myself write whatever I wanted as captions for the gifs and used the word insanity too much, but what can I say?? IT’S YOONGI AFTER ALL 

 ☁️ APRIL most popular & favourite: : Film out mv set | 1.6 k ↪ once again I posted 2 gif sets this month lol, but this one is another top 3 of my colouring this year. I shamelessly admire this set, cause I think I did a great job with the colours ^^ 

 ☁️ MAY most popular: Butter MV Elevator Dance Break | 8.1 k favourites: Namjoon x Rolling Stone , Namjoon at Butter Press Release , Seokjin Focus Butter Perf on Stephen Colbert ↪ For the rolling stone one I remember really enjoying the colouring process and the outcome, though it was a bit random tbh. The butter release gifs has the best quality gifs I’ve made this year, not in terms of colouring and stuff just sharpness and smoothness of the gifs, and I am GUTTED I did not save the psds. For the Jin gifs I just really loved his energy during this performance and enjoyed giffing it, plus Jin in a suit is always a sight 😍

☁️ JUNE most popular: BTS Intro Ment at Sowoozoo 2021 (day 1) | 4.4 k favourites: BTS anniversary set , Namgi moment on run bts  , Namjoon being a certified hottie at sowoozoo 2021 ↪ the bangtan anniversary set was one of my experiments this year and I’m really happy with how it turned out, it took me a whileeee to make it but I managed (thank u jay for the mental support <3). Uhmmm the Namgi is a favourite because it’s a Namgi moment, and that is that! do I need to say more? I was, like everyone else, going through it when joon had yellow hair and the red top on, I am happy I still decided to make my own gifs after seeing all the other ones online, it was a worthwhile experience 😋 

 ☁️ JULY most popular: Jin twitter video ( I forgot for what 😅) | 1.6 k favourites: Namjoon focus army playlist  ↪ I just really loved the fit for the video and the color scheme for his portion of the video along with the props, just Namjoon being pretty basically, so of course it’s a favourite

 ☁️ AUGUST most popular: things you didn’t know about namjoon for billboard | 3.4 k favourites (okay there’s a few 😅): Namgi moments vanity fair interview , Namjoon wearing turtlenecks comp , Namjoon sowoozoo day 2 comp , Namjoon vs mint chocolate  ↪ again with the crumbs I collect, anything namgi is directly a favourite <3, I have a strong love for turtlenecks so this comp was overdue just the whole process of making it was soooo fun and exciting I’m happy with the results. The sowoozoo set was my first trial with a new colouring for a while, where I was leaning into the reds and I liked the result more that I had expected and I still do so I guess it’s a success then. I am a big fan of mincho and having Joon hate it meant I had to compile all of his mincho slander, what can I say no man is flawless after all 🤷🏾‍♀️ 

 ☁️ SEPTEMBER most popular: Namjoon’s love of small things comp | 2.3k favourites: Namjoon bwl body roll comp , Namjoon birthday set  ↪ Bwl body roll was one of the comps I had wanted to make for sometime, but finding good footage I could actually use was a hassle, but I am glad I went through with and now I cherish the comp. What I actually posted for Joon’s bday was very unplanned, I had started on a gfx which I wasn’t happy with, so I decided to whip up something with colours based on this infinity stone inspired set I had made last year, so I played a bit with fonts and colours and I am quite happy with the outcome ^^ 

 ☁️ OCTOBER

Ya girl was MIA, head deep into thick textbooks 😭 

 ☁️ NOVEMBER Still MIA, but anon did make me post one gifset most popular: Hoseok x Dionysus Gayo Daechukje 2019 | 996  ↪ it was fun to gif performance gifs after a bit of time but god the lightning was annoying 

 ☁️ DECEMBER Also MIA, but back for the last 6 days of the year 😂 most popular: Namjoon vogue korea behind | 1.8k favourite: the popular above, Hoseok at PTD on stage  ↪ For the vogue korea gifs I spent some time trying to get rid of the yellow light and I DID IT!!! and the way the skintone turned out is just to my liking so I’m very happy with the set even though it’s a bit inconsistent. I just love that part of the concert like Hobi’s energy is just top notch which made me feel like a bad b giffing him so 💆🏾‍♀️

tagging a lovely bunch 🌸 (if you already did this sorry 😅) : @honsool  @inkedtae  @supertunajin @jung-koook  @joenns  @taee  @jaebam @yoongi-bts  @eternal-bangtan / @bangtanger @chaylani  @yoongikook  @jihopes @hobibestboy  @namjoonia  @dee-ehn  @yoon2k  @kimnjss  @vjimin  @sugajimin  @gwkie @gukgi  @lyseries  @junghosoks  @taeyungie @jmin  @jimint  @jsuga  @tanyoorine  @namgination @hopekidoki

[jimines]

2021 Year in Review - post your favourite and/or most popular posts of 2021

Tagged by: @kimtaehyunq, @blooodsweatandtears, @jeonjcngkook, @min-boongie, @hobeah, @jiminswn, @hyunsung, @gimbapchefs, @kithtaehyung, @taeyoonge and @bisexualrapline thank you lovelies❤️

Looking back on all of my gifs and such from this year made me feel... a range of emotions, baha. For one, I was shocked to see I had posted more than like 100 sets😂, I almost cracked 300 this year and it really didn’t feel like I’d been that active asdfghjkl. I also felt a bit nostalgic coming across certain sets that reminded me of past times, both the good times and the bad. There were a lot of bad times this year that bts and creating helped me cope with and escape from, and I’m very grateful to that. And above all, I was oddly really proud to see my works evolve from what they were when I first came back to present. I used to really hate my own content, and I mean I still joke about it a lot, but this year in review made me realize I actually do have some nice thoughts about most of them. I’m glad I pushed through and worked hard to improve my knowledge and skills to the point I’m mostly content with my creations. However, I will continue denying the existence of any of my sets before VS, even if a few are listed here. I believe i deleted the worst one’s though, lmaoo, which means that from January to March I don’t have any sets to put down👀. 

And as a special little note, I want to thank anyone who has ever supported my content, sent asks or left tags/compliments on my sets. some of you leave the sweetest, most simp-worthy words on my sets I could cry. It really makes me so happy that my content is enjoyed by you guys. this whole bts tumblr community is so kind and welcoming and encouraging, I’m so glad I came back to tumblr and discovered bts and all of you lovely people. I love you guys.❤️

I’m going to put the list of sets I actually do have under the cut since it’ll be quite long, I think.😗✌️

🌻 - January ↳ Most popular: N/A ↳ Favourite: N/A

🌻 - February ↳ Most popular: N/A ↳ Favourite: N/A

🌻 - March ↳ Most popular: N/A ↳ Favourite: N/A

🌻 - April ↳ Most popular: jimin & jungkook being cuties (1.4k notes)  this is one of the sets I pretend doesn’t exist, so no comment💔 ↳ Favourite: jimin being a hot bitch in shades  i only chose this one as my favourite because it was the first jimin comp i ever made and i remember slaving on photoshop for the whole day because it kept shutting down on me. so it’s a traumatic set for me and worthy of being mentioned i guess.😭

🌻 - May ↳ Most popular: jimin in the MOTS ON:E concept shooting sketch (2.5k notes) i think this is one of the first sets i made with vs and with a little more education on colouring. i’m pretty proud of this set and i’m happy it was well received. i kind of mark it as the turning point of my content. i stopped completely loathing my gifs after this point, lmao ↳ Favourite: jimin giving me an aneurysm in the butter mv  ok so, i think this is one of my favourite sets i’ve made in regards to colouring. took me a lot of trial and error to get the yellows to cooperate but I was really, really happy with the outcome. i miss these times tbh, butter era was fun :(

🌻 - June ↳ Most popular and Favourite: ahhh the jimintonin set, my beloved (2.6k notes) this is definitely one of my favourite sets, it just makes me really happy. he’s just so darn soft and cute, i look for this set when i’m really sad and it makes me feel better. call it an emotional attachment, if you will. 

🌻 - July ↳ Most popular: jimin in one of the xylitol advertisements (2k notes) ok this is one of the popular posts that confused me asdfghjkl. i’m not really a fan of this set anymore, the colouring in particular aksalsklkas i lowkey forgot about it until now bahah, but i’m glad y’all liked it regardless of my personal opinions dhsgkjlsdhg ↳ Favourite: tae in 5th muster japan  this colouring is just sexc, what else can i say. very proud of this one considering i usually suck at concert gifs, i try to avoid them like the plague.

🌻 - August ↳ Most popular: jungkook being the sexy beast he is (2.5k notes) dang, i seriously went for the kill with this one. i remember a lot of the tags on this set were just pain and suffering from those so unfortunate to be smacked in the face with it, so you’re welcome. 😗✌️  ↳ Favourite: jimin’s vlive (210830)  listen, when i tell you im so emotionally attached to this jimin i want to break something, i mean it. this vlive is one of my favourites, the audacity of this man. i can’t even put into words how much i love this set and his stupid cute face💔. anyways my fave gif is 6th one, it makes me want to bang my head against the wall, bYE.

🌻 - September ↳ Most popular: yoongi from memories of 2020 (2.2k notes) all i’m gonna say is i’m glad cute n’ squishy yoongi made ya’ll happy.❤️  ↳ Favourite: hoseok being adorable af in memories of 2020  this one was an easy favourite to choose. sometimes my adjustments just sit so perfectly on a clip and i gskdljgkjdh i just really love how these turned out.

🌻 - October ↳ Most popular: jimin being adorable as usual (2.8k notes) this set is actually my second favourite of the month, very close behind my true favourite. i’m really proud of the colour isolation i did with this set, it took a lot of time and patience with my old nemesis camera raw filter. it’s not my usual colouring style I don’t think but i like it a lot. ↳ Favourite: jimin’s birthday set  i really like the colouring and consistency of this set. of course it’s not perfect, but i feel like i did better on this set than previous ones? Idk. it’s also one of my biggest comps, or my biggest comp, i’m not sure. it took a lot of effort regardless and i’m very happy with it and all the pain it caused my followers.❤️

🌻 - November ↳ Most popular: osaka live jimin (1.7k notes) i think i squeezed this set in in-between aggressive note taking and several mental breakdowns lmaoo. the quality is poopy bUT he’s still hot so i like this set. osaka jimin has a special place in my heart. ↳ Favourite(s): jimin from the 211128 vlive // jimin giggling and hurting my heart  the vlive set would be my #1 favourite if the dark times of tumblr grain hadn’t come for it, i did quite like the colouring of it before posting😭. the butter set though... the audacity, really. for him to look like that and still manage to be adorable. i think the balance of red and yellow i accomplished with this set is why it’s my second favourite. usually reds and yellows are the bane of my existence but i feel like i did well on this set.

🌻 - December ↳ Most popular: jimin gq korea photoset (5k notes) this isn’t a gif set or even an edit, but it’s my most popular post of this month so decided to include it. i will say i was shocked to see it get so much attention👁️👄👁️. it’s valid though, that photoshoot came for all of our throats and i will think about it until the day i die.👍 ↳ Favourite(s): jimin’s deep af thoughts // jimin in that fit for vogue again, i really like the colour isolation i did with that 7fates set, his lips be poppin’, and for once i have a font i actually like for captions bahaha, only took me 9 months to find. but the vogue set though....😳 i could talk about that look for hours, my gosh, he was so stunning... but anYWAYS, i love how the reds came out in that set and i really like how dark and saturated the gifs look. it really was a hassle to colour isolate and make them somewhat consistent, but it was worth it and i’m very proud of the final product overall. 

fini

Dang, that was a lot, lmao. OK tagging: @taehyungq, @taejinnies, @intokook, @suga-ssi, @namgination, @filmsout, @kkulmoon, @boyswthluv, @honsool, @jung-koook, @eternal-bangtan, @kimtaegis, @userjiminie @introtae @vjimin @seokjinite @m0ontaeil + anyone else that wants to do it! (feel free to ignore this though if you don’t want to or if you already have)

Let’s all hope for an amazing 2022, haha

[woozi]

HI my LOVE 7,9,34 <3333

MS DREAMY MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITEEEEEEEEE <3

7. who are your top 3 gif makers? (limiting this to caratblr... since i’m only mostly on here anyway lol) ok my initial response would’ve already given it away but u r def one of my favorites just bc you are SOOOOO so creative with your sets in general and bc ur coloring... absolutely NO one is doing it like you i look up to u sm. <3 also @ohoshi and @wenjunhuiz/@jiwoo bc of the QUALITY and i just like them v much style wise <3 very distinct looking gifs!!

9. what/who inspired you to start making gifs? i’ve always been someone who’s been inseperable with their creative outlets, especially digital wise, so i’m drawn to being able to create something especially for whatever it is i’m very passionate abt at the moment. that being said though, i find it very hard to come up with ideas/inspiration (because i kind of tend to aim to make things at a certain standard rather than creating just for the sake of creating dfjkdfj), so being allowed to improve and build on something thats already there really excited me! i think thats the most important aspect that appealed to me most abt gifmaking, similar to making moodboards. (not to mention i’ve been on tumblr for ages fdjkfkdjdf so it’s def an influence as well)

34. a set that took you a long time/was really hard but you’re really proud of how it came out? [WITH MY WHOLE CHEST] this jihoon set, not because of how it looks, but bc of the sheer amount of will-power i had in me to even make this 3 hours away from his bday JKFDJKFDJKDF i am very proud of it bc despite of having an incredibly busy month (that day was also very hectic for me so i was already SOO tired by the time i came to gif) starting everything from scratch... even the idea itself, the layout of the gifs, downloading the vids.. and bringing it all to completion was an absolutely insane experience and the outcome wasnt shite so <3 i like it!! (think i like the experience more than the output tbh JKFDJKFDKJ)

questions for gif-makers

[takahero]

okay *rolls up sleeves* listen here. fenoglio was really proud of basta and capricorn. so much so that he couldn’t kill them off — he even had hopes of writing a sequel featuring them. later, when the characters find themselves in grave danger, fenoglio’s the one who comes up with the idea of destroying capricorn by throwing in a twist with the shadow. (Chapter 46, Inkheart).

then, when fenoglio starts struggling over his writing, it doesn’t seem to cross his mind to kill off capricorn’s henchmen. when meggie urges him to, fenoglio quickly rejects the idea, asserting that he’s a “writer” and not a “mass murderer” and that he’ll think of “some less bloodthirsty ending.” (Chapter 53, Inkheart)

it just makes me think — he was sure about killing off capricorn, his beloved villain, but there’s not a peep about basta’s outcome in all of this. so…did fenoglio think of basta as one of the aforementioned henchmen, that he felt reluctant to kill?? maybe. but if basta was so horrible and evil, wouldn’t fenoglio have been sure to include him in his plan to destroy capricorn? wouldn’t he have mentioned him to meggie? (Chapter 46, Inkheart) idk, he seems entirely to be omitted from all of this!!

theory: the reason basta survived at the end of inkheart is because fenoglio secretly wanted him to.

ok ok wait let me get into a bit more detail, bc now I wanna bring up inkspell:

examples:

Chapter 14, Inkspell:

“And there’s another thing,” said the Prince. “The Strong Man picked up a boy and a girl in the forest today. They told a strange story: they said Basta, Capricorn’s knife-man, was back, and they’re here to warn an old friend of mine about him — Dustfinger. I expect you’ve heard of him?”

“Mmph?” Fenoglio nearly choked on his wine with surprise. “Dustfinger? Yes, of course, the fire-eater.”

…

A boy and a girl…Dustfinger…Fenoglio’s thoughts were racing.

might just be me, but it really feels like fenoglio reacted far more to dustfinger being back than bad old basta lmao

And what about Capricorn? Was he dead? Had her plan worked? If so, why was Basta still alive?

this here ^ is admittedly the counter-argument that that fenoglio did believe basta should be dead. I will address that later

(also, correct me if I’m wrong, but does fenoglio actually NOT mention basta again until Chapter 39? I thought I remembered meggie telling fenoglio what happened but I could not find anything between 14-39. anyway…)

Chapter 39, Inkspell:

It was the sight of his companion that made Fenoglio’s knees feel weak. Basta was smiling at him like a long-lost friend.

How could you forget that Basta’s back?

“Well, what a surprise! Basta! How did you escape the Shadow?” he said out loud, moving unobtrusively backwards until he could feel the bed behind him. Ever since a man in the house next door had his throat cut in his sleep, he had slept with a knife under his pillow, although he wasn’t sure if it was still there.

LIKE…okay i get this might be a reach….but don’t you find it crazy that fenoglio’s immediate thought is like: basta’s BACK. back in inkworld. and not…‘why is basta NOT DEAD?’ LMAO. cmon…if it were capricorn standing before him, i swear his reaction would be different. awe, perhaps. he’s a big fan of his villains, remember? overall, he just seems quite…unfazed by the fact that basta is not dead

and yes, he does ask basta, ‘how did you escape the shadow?’ but it’s obviously a gambit to buy some time so he can get to the knife under his pillow. is fenoglio interested in the answer at all? i really can’t tell, tbh…

in conclusion: i don’t think fenoglio intended for basta to escape the shadow. i think fenoglio really did expect him to die, but was reluctant about it. and I think that reluctance, lingering deep down in his heart, subconsciously wove its way into his writing. i don’t think basta survived because he was in the cell, or because he avoided mortola’s dirty work. neither of these felt like believable reasons to me…nor were they worded as such, either. any attempt to justify basta’s survival seems to be more speculation than anything concrete. i think basta survived because fenoglio had a soft spot for him, in spite of everything.

fenoglio’s fond of his villains. but he gave capricorn and basta vastly different backstories. capricorn’s story is cold, heartless, and cruel. i did not feel a shred of pity for that man, from beginning to end. basta’s story, on the other hand, is quite clearly sad. like: a devoted follower, despised by his master? convinced of his worthlessness as a child? would rip his heart out for a master who thinks he’s stupid? (are you trying to break my heart, fenoglio?) not to mention the absolute STATE of him in the cell!!

so yeah, feel free to let me know your thoughts! honestly this was a big old ramble but it was pretty fun to get out ;)