#but I’m like super indecisive so idk how that smart that would be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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yesss the letter format 💝💓💘💖💞💕💖💞💓 (lovely anon)

my dearest aria (a hamilton reference lmao),

i’m home alone (bc i wanted the house alone to get my head together after my brothers were mean to me 🙃) and i’m so hype LMAO but i’m watching chloe x halle’s tiny desk concert and honestly just vibing. (this is so random) besides zendaya like they are my badass black women role models. my one accomplishment would be to learn to body roll like them LMAO

oh nevermind i can’t have anything nice, my dad just came home 🙃 WHAT A WAY TO START OFF THIS ASK WTFFF

i’m liking tfatws, the second episode was veryyy intense imo but WANDAVISION IS SO GOOD😭 i knew it was going to be my favorite from the really old trailer but it’s really good and i promise it’s not just sitcoms, girl especially cuz you’ll have all the episodes already out- we were having to wait every week😭 BUT ITS SO GOOD I PROMISE HDJSHDJSH lmao reading this i was like “i- the episodes aren’t an hour long” but i feel that, it’s hard for me to watch tfatws bc they are an hour long and i’m like 😐 but wandavision episodes are less than 30mins bc I KID YOU NOT they have the damn 10 MINUTE CREDITS DHDJSJ no i don’t think we’ve talked about this b4 lol but it all depends on the series for me. i binged love island uk in less than a week bc i was so invested and LITERALLY LOVE IT but uh those episodes are like an hour and a half, but say i was binging tfatws (it’s so hard to type that ohmigosh) i honestly would not be able to do it bc of the intensity (you may be like what intensity but if you’ve seen episode 2 by the time you’re reading this.......... isaiah and the scene afterwards is all i have to say, esp me being black it was so tough :/)

girl you’re fine, as long as you’ve experienced it once hahaha i think the reason why it’s so important to my family (this letter feels so personal and extreme HSJSJA IM SORRY) is bc my grandmother loved it and in my family i guess it’s just important to us lol like my mom and dad love it too and we have the literal VHS tapes LMAO, but it only came up recently cuz my youngest brother was watching lion guard HAHA and he wanted to see the originals :) and fun fact (unless you already know) but there’s a lion king part 2 and 1 1/2 and i have all three ON VHS HAHAHA but i love lion king 1 duh (the og) but part two’s music and love story..... is so good. anyway. 🦁

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING DURING THE WHOLE MOVIE THEATER ENCOUNTER THING HAHAHA AND WHEN SHE WAS SAYING AWKWARD I WAS LIKE WTF THE NOISE LMAOOOO i don’t think there’s a better way to describe that whole situation than ZKDHDJSHAJAJSHDJSNAHA. yeah. yeaaaa at the cinemas (i like the word cinema more than movies 🥰) here they have chips (fries), some have ice cream, nachos, drinks, hot dogs, the cinema we were at had pretzels and like BURGERS I WAS LIKE HUH OKAY and ya know obviously popcorn but i don’t know why the theaters (or cinemas) here do that, it started a long time ago though like yearsssss

PLEASE i have the longest movie watchlist and uhh haven’t seen any of them JDJSKA (istg i use HSJSSKSH as a period - like . ) i’m still hype for cherry but very hesitant (idk if i can handle it) but i’m thinking about watching it in the next couple of weeks? i know it’ll take me forever bc i’m gonna have to keep pausing and shit but idk. i’ve asked around for very specific trigger warnings and time stamps so i REALLY know what’s coming (even if it spoiled the film a bit for me) but i do really wanna see it (i think? writing this now i’m not so sure lol) so whooooooo really knows lol, but chaos walking YES i was really excited about it :))) and about my friend uhh dude you don’t sound mean at all i was literally thinking the same thing but worse HAAKL idk what she was there for???? she bought my ticket tho so 💁🏾‍♀️ whatever

“SIMS ahh, BUNK BEDS ahh” had me cracking up lmao and you know my sims status JAJAHHAJ but i’m gonna become like you, saving every 5 minutes 😭 but that’s exactly what happened to me, i really didn’t know whether to shut it off or not but after 2 hours i was heartbroken lol i’m literally making a list of things i need to redo that wasn’t saved lmao

CAN I JUST SAY UR A MASTERMIND THOUGH??? UR SIMS GAME SOUNDS SO *chefs kiss* IM CRINE university is PAINFULLY long and LITERALLY I FEEEL THAT like you can’t do anything else without failing, i had my sim go to a party once for like a few hours and i felt so dumb afterwards like urgh he should’ve been studying LMAOO just cracking down on work honestly. UR NEIGHBOR!AU IN THE SIMS PLEASEEE i am very much in love with it, yes. (pouring rain has just suddenly begun where i am rn wow ok) i love that you put them on the same lot, that was really really smart and i love that ur living out your sexuality in the sims😭 i was abt to say “now you can say you’ve got experience bc of the sims” but ANYWAY IGNORE ME fhdhs THE ALIEN BABY DHSJSK i hope it’s not a dealbreaker for enisa. that’d be tragic. IM BACK IN UPPERCASE THO BC YES MAKING OUT IN THE SIMS IS SO HOT TO ME??? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE STFU OH MY GOSH- all the stuff, whispering sweet nothings, and the making out, and JUST ALL OF IT!!! AM I TOUCH STARVED????? there was this time i made my sim just continue to woohoo bc it was turning me on big time. ANYWAY

half way through that i had to go to my grandmothers house (not the one that likes lion king, but uh hmm idk if you remember but i was talking abt my shit family so yeah that grandmother lol) so now i’m finishing this 🥴 and instead of chloe x halle i’m watching a tom interview lmao & if this takes me longer than 30 minutes.... imma cry

I REALLY WANNA ASK- IS IT BC UR GERMAN LIKE YOU CAN JUST WRITE OUT THAT LONG ASS WORD???? i mean i can’t write out supercalafrag- anyway, but that word is a bit nonsense, UR WORD IS A REAL WORD DUDE HDJSHS i love how ur like “maybe i mixed up these words” YEA OK.

lol i had to google what are waveformers lol (lol makes a comeback) and they look like curlers that you would sleep in (here we would call them curlers or uhm i forgot uhhhhhhh rollers i think) but ur fine when am i ever making sense?? i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌

H20 H20 H20 OH MY GOODNESS SHE BROUGHT UP H20 OK MY LIFE WAS H20🥲 I HAVE THEIR LOCKET NECKLACE AND (short storytime) when i was younger i thought they were american despite their accents (idk i was dumb) but then i figured they weren’t when lewis went to go study in america HAHAH ALSO FAVORITE COUPLE CLEO AND LEWIS UGH WATCH ME REWATCH THE SHOW NOW THANKS (also i hated elizabeth so much) but anyway back on topic, when lewis went to go study in the US i looked up where the show took place and all that good stuff and i found out they were australian HAHAH and that started my obsession with accents LMAO the uk :’)) (i’m proofreading AND AUSTRALIA IS NOT A PART OF THE UK LMAOO IM SOO DHSJSSHS) also it is now one of my many goals (besides the body roll HAHAH) to go to mako island (that’s what it’s called right??)

about music, i googled stormzy and i might listen to a song of his.. LOL I WANNA GIVE IT A TRY IMMA DO IT FOR YOU NFDVSFSG lmaoo the german rapper had me cackling (autocorrect once again being helpful and said raper and i’m like nOO) i mean we all have that one person. can’t lie, won’t lie. my one (IM SORRY BUT AUTOCORRECT HAD “MY ONE TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT” SITTING AND READY HDJSJA I DONT EVEN TYPE THAT wHAT) person out of my white soft boy with brown hair and brown eyes type would beeeee pete davidson. love me some petey. i was gonna say rex orange county as well lmao but i don’t really loveeee him i’m just in love with his music... and wanna be friends with him..... so 👉🏾👈🏾 (i never do that fdshsh)

oh my goodness, i love tattoos too- GASP what are you thinking of getting 🥺 i want tattoos too but i’m too indecisive to figure out what to have & where. especially in my family... idk they aren’t frowned upon but my mom’s not applauding the thought lol, if i got one it would have to be meaningful but i am absolutely in love with (for example) ariana grande’s finger tattoos !! they’re so cute and simple :’) i don’t even know if i can get tattoos? my skin is... interesting. not in a bad way!! just like.... idk how to explain it??? keyloids run in the family & i got a piercing once and it got infected soo :/ the doctor also confirmed that if i wanted tattoos they couldn’t be in color so LMAO

ONCE AGAIN THIS WHOLE THING FEELS SO TMI DHSHSSJ IM LIKE OHMIGOSH SHUT UP SHE DOESNT CARE JESJSKS

in regards to you not sleeping, i wanted to mention that dumb bird, what was the reason it was up so early aT 4AM???? SIR WHO YOU CALLING TO??? also it’s 11:30pm and idk why i’m tired???

yeah i was never SUPER into justin so i don’t know exactly what albums you’re talking about lol, i do know yummy though.. but everyone did hahaha also i listen to so much pop 🙈 i mean maybe... idk what would count as pop and what wouldn’t. that new person feeling though.. i get that. it’s like who is this new person..? i kinda feel like that with taylor swift (i was never THAT into her either though so it’s like oh wait i didn’t know you from the beginning instead of hello old friend but you’re different lol)

about the concerts, thanks 🥰🥰 that’s so sweet what you did for your mom too, it’s nice seeing them so happy like 🥲 awh AND GLEE IS AND WAS MY LIFE FOR A V V LONG TIME, i’ve been meaning to rewatch it for the longest time lmaooo but i’m just so lazy and it’s such a commitment... i’ll have to get emotionally involved again and idk if i want that rn. but i have a friend on instagram and she runs a glee fan account and it’s such a big part of her life i really don’t think i could ever be THAT obsessed with something. like another one of my friends loves tom holland so much that she changed her mom’s name in her phone to what tom’s mom’s name is in his phone (that was confusing lol) and obviously i’m not judging them AT ALL, it just couldn’t be me lol

CONCERTS LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN 😩😩 LIKE THE EXPERIENCE AND THE FEELINGGG URGHSJS i wanna see a few people live like ari and chloe x halle and- hmm.... idk who else FJDSJ rex orange county i guess huh anyway, the experience just sounds so amazing and the atmosphere is just ✨✨✨ yeah

aria do it do it do it do it do it- watch hamilton!! but with subtitles bc you won’t catch half of the things they’re saying without them LMAO (me and my family watched it and they all didn’t like it bc they didn’t know what was happening lol) BUT DONT WATCH IT AT 4AM LMAO ITS LITERALLY 3 HOURS LONG

yes!! superior peter fics 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and it just shows how much of an incredible writer AND PERSON you are through your fics that you can turn a blurb into 2k....... like what.

LMAO the annoying thing, sometimes i feel like i’m bothering people (like right now HAHAH) but i think it’s my antisocial side being like yeaa no one wants to talk to you like you wanna talk to them :’) idk it’s strange!! sometimes i get really ✨insecure✨ and overthink everything LOL like is this too long, im talking too much, i’m swearing too much, oh lord i’m a pain, all that good shit lmao so that’s fun:))

ALSO YOUR BLOG IS SO FUN TO ME HAHAK LIKE ITS JUST YOUR OWN AND I LOVE THAT!!! like you talk about everything and anything on here lol,, and i say that bc what you said lmao how if i was someone else i would want to fuck me so bad😭 i honestly don’t understand how i don’t have people lining up though..... but if no one’s gonna tell you... then you tell yourself, period (and sometimes telling yourself is fucking yourself HSHAJKS OK NEXT)

ohmigosh the realization you had that you graduated last year and are going to uni this year🤧 but the fact that you had a teacher who LEFT THE GROUP CHAT bc she was mad at y’all i- 😭 but yeah about your maths (i always wondered why you guys call it maths and the US calls it math. like i know so many people out of the states, not just in the uk that say maths) teacher- i saw this post that said online school is looking a lot like dora the explorer😭😭 “you have any questions?” 🦗 “okay bye then” lmao and please i love when tests have nothing to do with what you studied like ??? thanks? sometimes i get scared that my teacher will somehow find out that i googled everything? or like my answer is too close to the answer sheet or something. i get sooo nervous lol but i’m already past that point of not being able to do anything myself DHJS i mean i’m still learning like i said!! read the question, read the answer. boom. now i know the answer to the question and i learned!

THANKS 🙈🥰🤧 idk how else to explain my feelings LMAO i feel it’s cool that you find my dance lessons and voice lessons cool so thanks :’)

oh god not headache season 😭😭 allergies are the worst like it’s not even funny. is headache season just when the seasons are changing or is it like... all throughout the summer? cuz i love the summer lmaoo i love the winter too but i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO

GIRL IF THAT BIRD DONT STOP CHIRPING- i am 100% convinced that it is the same bird trying to give you headaches and no sleep and it needs to stfu 😤 and pLEASE ur theme is adorable and pretty and cute but also it just feels like you? idk if i’m explaining this right or if it’s bc i’ve been talking to you for a bit but it’s cute but not innocent in a way that i’m surprised that you write smut and- yeah, that didn’t make sense!! but ur new theme is gonna look pretty too and as long as you like it, it’ll be amazing🥰

yessssss the fact that megan is gonna be ur pfp YES JUST YES

edit: ok i just need to 🥺😭 sometimes u make me wanna cry cuz i feel like you’re just a kind person. i truly mean this, the fact that you celebrate yours & others stretch marks makes me so 🥺🥺🥺 i honestly don’t know anyone who has said they want need more stretch marks and it’s just all very lovely to me :’)) OKAY IMMA STOP BEING SAPPY

#yes my fake tags are back #by popular demand #aka me #and look i have actual tags this time! #i’m seriously craving water ice rn....... huh #but it’s past midnight and i fr fr want a snack #aw man #i wrote that last paragraph while doing my tags yes #and i hope you become responsible for that anon’s orgasm #assuming they had one #and i saw your response to the tom thing and yeaa when they only look like that for something and it’s like aw bae be yourself #i’m gonna shut up now and find a snack but goodnight!! morning?? IDK #IF THESE TAGS END UP AS ACTUAL TAGS I AM SO SORRY HAHAHA #alright proofreading done and i’m gonna go eat cereal

okay i‘m on my way to a driving lesson rn and afterwards i have a zoom uni thing, and then another uni thing lmao. but hopefully i can reply to this in between because i‘ve been dying to talk to you since i got this ask dldjds💘💘💘 (i really like this heart. i had a 💖 phase for a while and now it‘s 💘 (seems like a very romantic heart but.... it is what it is idk dkddj)

^okay that was literally all i wrote before my lesson lmfao. just had the worst driving lesson ever dbdvsnylkxsksj i think i‘ve gotten too used to being good at driving and now i‘ve gotten too cocky with it 🥴 anyway i‘ve had such a stressful day and overall week but tbh i‘m already feeling better bc i can (indirectly) talk to you <333

omg i went to chloe or halle (i don‘t remember who out of the two)‘s instagram the other day and found out that they are not twins alejeleksjsksj but yes oh my god their voices are literally angelic and i can‘t wait to see Halle as Ariel (Arielle??)🥰 and omg it‘s literally 2021 and we‘ve only had......... one(?) black Disney Princess like it‘s about fucking time (I might be forgetting someone, I‘m not too familiar with the new Disney films, but as far as I remember there‘s only Tiana right? (who is literally a frog for 3/4 of the film 😭😭) so yes i‘m here for it too😌😌😌 (obviously she‘s not a cartoon like tiana ekdlek but she‘s a disney princess you know what i mean ddkjdh)

pfkejdj i‘m already overwhelmed with my parents i can‘t imagine having siblings too 😭😭 (sometimes i wish i had siblings but then other times (like after reading what you wrote dksjj) i‘m glad that i‘m an only child lmao like your brothers being mean to you and i remember when you cried and he was just like 👁👄👁 ok. like i’m totally okay being an only child sksjsj———and he doesn‘t listen to music 🤧🤧🤧 (although i guess that‘s good for you because at least he can‘t annoy you by listening to loud music that you hate dmdn)

okay okay i might watch wandavision then??? I‘ll definitely let you know!!! and yes omg i‘m loving tfatws (that really is so fucking hard to type omg) but same i totally get what you mean, i‘m not used to watching action series at all and every episode so far has been like a little movie so i‘m glad that i didn‘t wait until it was all out cause there’s no way i could binge watch that lol) and yes last episode was really intense. i‘m glad that marvel are talking about racism because (from what i‘ve seen) they haven‘t been the best in that department, and i‘m really curious to see what they‘ll do in the next episodes (curious isn‘t the right word but excited isn‘t the right wort either, like i‘m excited but in a neutral way ? i‘ll shut up dslsksj i hate that german has so many words that you cant translate because theres a really good german word that describes how i’m feeling but i cant think of a good translation ugh)

okay i absolutely need to watch lion king (and part 2 and 1/ 1/2 dksksj) AND hamilton, i might even do it soon 👀

BURGERS AT THE CINEMA? EBEEISNDBEKSK i‘ll come to the US just to go and watch a movie lmaooo, i think all the popcorn sizes and drinks are bigger as well, i‘ll come and watch chaos walking with you 😌😌 does next week work?

and yeah i‘ve seen posts with specific time stamps and trigger warning for cherry too so if you haven’t looked on tumblr yet i’ve def seen some! (but ive also seen some on twitter and yeah- i mean idk youve probably looked on tumblr but yeah- then there’s also imdb which doesn’t have time stamps i believe but quite specific warnings, mostly without spoilers!)

Tbh i don‘t think i would have even considered watching cherry if tom wasn‘t in it... (i’m personally fine with most of the triggering topics/things like for some reason i’m just stoic when i’m watching the most tragic films ever dldldldlbut the plot just... idk if it‘s for me you know? just entertainment wise?).... and even with tom in it i‘m unsure skeldls, i‘d totally get if you decide not to watch it but let me know if you do i‘d want to hear your thoughts! <3

SKSLSJJ my sims both finally graduated!! i think i played sometime last week, and i literally got the achievement/notification that i‘d been playing with this household for 24hours.... and that was BEFORE they graduated dldjdldkdksjjs

oh no my tumblr broke and three paragraphs of me talking about sims were deleted 😭😭😭

WAIT NO I TOOK SCREENSHOTSSKSK because i couldn’t press save so i knew they might be gone okay okay okay i‘m a genius

*move out

oh no idk if the quality is too bad to read... idk how good your eyes are dkdkdjjd (also sometimes it will be really bad quality for some but not for others so i hope that the you can see the pics in a normal/good quality)

Okay let me continue

OMG THE ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL STUFF IS THE BEST PART ABOUT THE SIMS DIDLDKJIkdkj i kind of miss how in the sims 3 they would be making out basically lying on top of each other if they were on a bed— but in sims 4 when they‘re sitting next to each other and everything that‘s definitely hot too 😌😭 or with hot tubs dkdkdk how one sim climbs on the other sim‘s lap before they woohoo (i used to make them skinny dip in the hot tub and then make out and woohoo so they’re like naked on top of each other even if you can‘t see anything- en e waysss)

Dkdkdkdj so @ Rindfleischet.. blah bla. so it‘s basically just loads of individual words put together/connected and that‘s a really big part of german. so yesterday i had an online Einführungsveranstaltung for uni (like it was a zoom meeting where they just talked about general stuff about the uni and i was really anxious before, idk why, but it turned out absolutely fine so) and that words consists of the two words Einführung (introduction) and Veranstaltung (event) which are also two individual words but you can make a new word (Einführungsveranstaltung, so in english that‘s basically “introduction event“ lmao) by combining those two words. there are obviously some rules like you can‘t just combine random words in a random order but you can basically make infinite words (technically). for example (i feel like i‘m teaching a class just skip this if you don’t care 🙃🙃🙃djdjdkdlns)

for example i could say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer (which is not underlined with red by tumblr because it is a grammatically correct compound word (i think that‘s what they‘re called?)) which is the words introduction + event + participant, so that word just means “participant of an introductory event“ but instead it‘s one word? i hope that makes sense? dkdkkdksks i mean it makes sense in german but idk if it makes sense to you cause idk if i‘m explaining it very well lmao,

(I just deleted a really really long paragraph that i wrote about gender in the german language and grammar, you‘re welcome slsksksj)

my capacity to think has now been used up for the week 🥴🥴🥴 i absolutely do not blame you if you just skipped over that part or can‘t be bothered to (re)read my awful explanation edkflsksjdjdj (again, i had double the amount of words but i just deleted it dkdkdlslsl but what‘s left lf my german lesson is probably confusing enough already😭i‘m sorry🥴)

so to answer your question LEJDKSKJ: it‘s really common to have long words in german, words that are just word+ word+ word + word made into one long word. obv rindfleischetikettierung..... is a very extreme example and it‘s normally just 2-4 words made into one! So yup i think that comes mostly from german and talking german and growing up here and going to school here and everything dmdfnsksx

i think the best part about these is the chaos yet we understand what the other means 😌— YES. YES. Yes. I love that about us 😌😌🥰🥰/ I love us. Yes.

okay but your friend changing her mom‘s name into tom‘s mum‘s name (was that right? Dkdkdjh)—— so Justin Bieber once posted something where you could see that his Dad‘s number was saved as „Daddy Cakes“ (which, thinking back, sounds very weird ekejjej) and till this day I have my Dad’s contact name as Tata (which is serbian for Dad lmao), “Tata🍰“ in my phone because of it 😭😭😭😭🙃🙃🙃 it‘s not because of justin anymore like i‘ve just gotten used to it by now but at first i did it because of justin lol........ but nowadays i don‘t think i‘m THAT type of fan of anyone- like you know how people have fandom names (Justin‘s fans are the Beliebers, One Direction fans are Directioners (writing that hurt my soul💔💔💔)) and I wouldn‘t consider myself a fan of anyone like that. like even with tom i wouldn‘t call myself........ does tom even have a name for his fans??? Well if he does, I wouldn‘t call myself that. Like i used to be such a hardcore stan for any celebrity that i liked and now it‘s just... okay, i like em. (She says on her blog where she writes fan fiction about Tom Holland — WJDJEJDKELSKSKKSNSNDXB🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃)

Omg rex orange county!!!!!! I don‘t know that many songs like I‘ve only listened to the album pony, but i love it 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

thanks again for what you said about my fics/writing I‘m🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Pete Davidson Pete Davidson Pete Davidson I‘m-🥰🥰🥰🥰 and I can‘t explain why. But as blissfulparker said the other day (i don‘t want to tag her and make her read through all of this lolll) “I like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death 😍“ (or something along the lines of that) eskkejs okay pete isn‘t that bad, he looks quite good on some days but other days you‘re like... is this man alive? Like i don‘t want to be mean I love Pete so much The King of Staten Island is literally my favourite film ever (although it‘s not my #1 because of how he looks, but i mean he does look good) VUT ALSO

(Okay i was gonna look for a terrible picture of him but he really doesn‘t look as bad as people say??? like. i think he‘s hot. can‘t necessarily explain why. so that‘s that on that.)

i‘m not going chronologically right now (i just keep scrolling up to your ask and replying to whatever i see first sksksksh) so i might miss a thing or two that you said

Okay Stormzy, you really really don‘t have to dkdkdjd like i think you said you don‘t really listen to rap, and uk rap is a whole nother thing from us rap because of the accent i feel like??? (That sentence did not make sense) BUT if you‘re looking for a few songs that aren‘t like RAP rap, then I‘d recommend One Second (feat HER), Superheroes, Own it (which you might know?), ummm maybe the song Lessons?, he has a ton of Lion King references by the way dkdjdj for example in Rachael‘s Little Brother but that‘s like more RAP again if you know what I mean?😭 and it‘s also like 5 Minutes long and tbh i only started liking that song a year after that album came out lmao but Rachael‘s Little Brother is possibly my fav Stormzy song, then there is Shut Up which you absolutely need to listen to just for fun dldjdjd like it‘s just pure fun and also a little funny lmao, especially if you‘re not British (i imagine so at least) cause he‘s like shuTTTT up idk dldkdjdldkjdhdhfjfbfldlsksksks

Vossi Bop is one of his classics, and then maybeee - ok so there‘s Blinded By Your Grace Pt. 2 lmaoobdjsj it‘s very (Christian/) religious but i like it a lot even though i‘m not really Christian (at least not practicing or anything) so idk about your views on religion but i do like the song a lot just by like the sound lmao

Okay so again you absolutely DO NOT have to listen to any, especially not for me dlskdj but I really do recommend the songs Superheroes, One Second and Rachael‘s Little Brother (and all the other ones i mentioned but if you don‘t listen to a lot of his songs you should at least give these three a try <3333) also let me know some of your songs? 🥺 like i dont care who they‘re by but i‘d love to listen to some that you like and Recommend 🥰🥰🥰

Okay so skdjdjdjddhhddhdhjsk... I used to watch all of my series in German (like H2O) bc obviously they were on german tv so they were german- and i knew that most of these actors i saw on tv were american and i was always SO fascinated that they all learned german for this show??? Like I actually thought they were the people‘s real voices and that these English and American actors were learning german so they could re-record the whole ass show and do everything in german dkdkdldjdjjd... i swear I thought that until I was like 14 omg. And then the first time that I watched H2O in the original version i was sooo confused about their accents because to me all actors who spoke english were American?? I mean MOST of those shows are American so I wasn‘t completely off but yeah i was definitely caught off guard when I heard all of their Australian accents for the first time 💀💀😭😭😭

@ math vs maths, math actually makes more sense in my opinion. like you have the word mathematics, then the abbreviation would obviously be math... why would English people randomly add the s from the end??? Or maybe it makes more sense after all because it‘s like plural??? Now I‘m unsure dkdkdkdj but i do say maths because that‘s how i was taught to say it and i hear the word maths more than math but yeah dldkdjs i think math might even make more sense (okay i just tried saying math and maths is easier to pronounce but again tjat might just be me, oh god i‘ll stop talking about that disgusting thing (mathematics).)

not the crickets and dora LMAOOOSNSNSMDNBS yeah that teacher was... a lot. a lot a lot a lot didjjd but she kinda liked me so she always gave me good grades/marks but the people she didn‘t like..... ooft. OOF.

Fksksjsj idek about headache season like i just know that i get headaches from the sun and i‘m allergic to only one.. type of...pollen??? (I don’t understand the science of that whole pollen thing and idek if it’s called pollen in english i just know sex pollen from fan fics😔)and yeah we have this weird wind that makes a lot of people get headaches yeahd dkdkdj. i loved the i just love wearing as little clothes as possible LMAO lllioool i love that i really do. i always struggle so much in the summer cause i never have anything to wear. i feel like i buy so many new summer clothes every year but when i end up looking for an outfit i don‘t ever find anything 😭 (so i just go naked— lmao jk jk) but i‘m generally not the biggest fan of summer so-

OMG THIS FUCKING BIRD ISTG, okay the first time i heard it i went to sleep at like 5 am, so the next day i was like let me go to bed earlier so the bird doesn‘t keep me up, so i went to bed at 4 am (🥲) and THE BIRD JUST STARTED FUCKING CHIRPING SO LOUDLY, so the next day i went to bed at 3 am AND IT FUCKING STARTED AT 3 AM and it‘s still there 😁 every. night.

and since you said you‘ve gotten used to my theme and everything (idk where this transition came from😭) so tomorrow (2nd april) we have our... wait what‘s an anniversary but for a month.? I think month is like mensus in latin OK NO THATS DEF WRONG DKDKDJ wait

So Tomorrow is our... mensiversary💘💘💘💘💘💘 or at least from the first time you sent an ask. i couldn‘t find it on my tumblr anymore because tumblr is a bit of a bitch but i remember the first thing you ever sent (in an ask) was something lovely about my writing and i always take screenshots of stuff like that, and i found it in my gallery. and i took that screenshot of your ask on the 2nd of march so i‘m assuming that‘s when you sent it 🥰🥰 i feel like i‘ve known you for a week not a month like how is it a month already????? (i mean this in a good way lmao but i really can’t believe that its been a month wtf)

omg no you make me want to cry because i just love you so much 😭😭🥺 but about the stretch mark thing it‘s just.. it‘s not even me trying to empower other women (or anyone else who has stretch marks) to shake off these dumb insecurities that the patriarchy and capitalism have instilled in us— ok no it‘s definitely that too lmao. But i mean I‘ve always loved stretch marks, i‘ve just always loved loved loved them so much so it makes me genuinely sad that people don‘t like them. so yeah. i dont really know how to explain it lol, like i‘m not (only) hoping that people realise that hating your stretch marks is giving the men and the patriarchy what they want per se- (that made no sense) it‘s just because i love stretch marks and think they‘re beautiful and also sexy. idk dldkdjls and omg the fact that you called me kind 🥺🥺🥺 like i don‘t really have a goal in life or anything, but if i had to choose a ‘goal‘ in life it would just be to be kind. (i‘ll end this here otherwise i‘m gonna talk about being kind for 30 more lines—)

And please. Do not ever feel like you‘re annoying me or sending too much. never ever ever. I get so happy when i see that you‘ve sent me an ask. No matter if it‘s a long one like this or just a short one where you‘re saying something about a post that i reblogged or something. I love hearing from/about you and talking to you 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

P.S: i‘m so sorry for the tags you‘re about to read they make even less sense than this post, also i reached the tag limit dkdkdj but i said some butterfly tattoos look tacky... and the next thing i said was since we‘re already speaking about Ariana- I DID NOT MEAN THAT SHE WAS TACKY dldkdjsj, i meant since you already mentioned some of her tattoos lmao

#lovely anon #<3 #ALSO I LOVE YOUR TAGS SM DKDJDKDL #i definitely (accidentally) didn‘t say something about every single thing you said #but this is so long already and i don‘t want to force you to read even more of my shite dldkdjsj #(i dont day shite i say shit but sometimes shite sound funnier)#*say #omg its too mate to speak english what i meant was i‘m sire i forgot to adress some of the things you said but i tried my best iwjwskb #omg adress (address? lmao) sounds so negative i mean i‘m sure i forgot to reply to some things- also *late not mate loool #omg ignore my whole german lesson i cant believe i actually wrote all of that wtf #but it took me like 20 minutes so i don‘t want to delete it 😭#and omg i hope you got to re do everything that your sims game didnt save and that it all worked out the same #😭#I NEARLY DELETED THIS ASK WITJ MY ANSWER OH MYFUCKING GOD MY FUCKING HEART #also i realised i didnt say anything at all about uni but i dont have any news like that Einführungsveranstaltung (😭) I went to was literall #just about schedules and credits and boring stuff mostly lmao #oh and tattoos!!!! it sucks that you might not be able to get the ones that you want/get any :((((( but hopefully you can at least get some #that arent in colour? 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼#so my parents aren‘t that supportive either like they most definitely wouldnt pay for it (even though they pay for a lot of my stuff lmao)#but i think in the end they know that i‘m old enough and they can‘t stop me and they‘d accept it one day so they‘re definitely not THAT bad #maybe your parents will change their mind over time? :(#or maybe youll just get one one day and ig theyll have to get used to it lol #so i want a butterfly (thats the only thing that i‘m sure about) and there are a lot of butterfly tattoos that look really tacky #but speaking of her i actually really like ariana‘s butterfly! but idk if i want that much shading- i have a whole album with like 35 photos #of just butterfly tattoos lol- i‘ll stop here tho. ldkdkd #omg im rereading this all and it‘s so messy good luck dkdkkddl #my tags got messed up and idk how to fix it #wait did i reach the tag limit and you cant even see half of these? 😭😭😭#i‘m so confused about these tags why are they not in the correct order? 😭😭😭 ily snd i‘m so sorry for dropping this post on you none of it #none of it makes sense.

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daesungindistress · 4 years ago

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Oh wow chickbang have gotten so big! Is anyone a troublemaker? What are their personalities like?

No one is really what I would call a troublemaker. Barring some minor squabbles here and there, just pecking order stuff, nothing serious, nothing dangerous, everyone is getting along nicely. Yay! I suppose the only one I would have considered a troublemaker at any point was GD, who I... um... don’t have anymore.

I’ll put this one behind a cut.

This was my last photo of him. GD went to a new home back in July. New home, new harem. Months of trying to manage the feather picking by the other chickens that contributed to his baldness was just not working out, plus it eventually reached a point where I could not handle the constant crowing. He crowed all day long, every hour of the day from sunup to sundown. Hearing voices would set him off -- my voice, neighbors’ voices, visitors’ voices, whatever. And in the final few weeks I had him, as he reached sexual maturity and was becoming protective of “his” flock, he took to crowing nonstop any time I was around, only settling down when I would leave them and go back inside the house.

Roosters crow to announce their presence and establish dominance. He probably saw me as competition. Maybe even a mild threat? He never attacked me, in fact he always seemed to fear me (lol), but he was really ruining my enjoyment of my own chickens. He was beautiful and interesting but the little dude had to go. And while it was hard to go through with it, to finally do it after months of thinking about it, once he was gone, to be honest, I found I didn’t really miss him 🤷‍♀️

...because the very next day after I rehomed him I got my first egg! And that began a whole new “chapter” of Chickbang’s story. Within the next week several more hens had begun laying, and by the end of the month, all seven. I suspect GD was causing them stress and slowing down their development because he matured earlier than they did and was mounting and trying to mate with them before they were ready. All in all, they seem happier and more at ease as an all-female flock, and they’re friendlier and more attentive toward me now than they were before, probably because I’ve replaced the rooster as head of the flock. I’m happy with my decision. I’m also happy I kept and raised him for as long as I did because I feel I learned a lot about the physical and behavioral characteristics of cockerels/young roosters and will be better able to identify them at an early age in the future.

As for everyone’s personalities... gonna turn to bullet points for this one.

Dae

Is now something of a lap chicken despite wanting nothing to do with me when young. All on her terms, of course.

Quacks like a duck.

Very noisy, has a big voice just like her namesake.

Her breed (Buff Orpington) tends to “go broody” (mothering instinct kicks in and she’ll want to sit on a clutch of eggs and hatch them), and in August she actually went what I call “half broody”, meaning she would spend hours on the nest and would puff up and screech at other hens when they came near, guarding “her” eggs, even though the eggs she was sitting on weren’t actually hers. She didn’t spend all day there, however, which meant she wasn’t fully broody. I got into the habit of retrieving eggs from underneath her, gently. Thankfully, she never pecked me, just made unhappy clucking noises at me for the egg thievery.

Doesn’t bully Gwisun anymore, or anyone for that matter, so that’s good!

Bae

Gets a little nutty when she needs to lay.

Runs back and forth between the nests (I now have two separate structures inside the run that contain nests for the chickens, just giving them options and trying to cut down on the crowding), is extremely indecisive and kicks up such a fuss until she finally, finally settles on a nest she deems suitable.

Wrecks the nest before laying an egg in it.

Talkative, but that’s nothing new.

The only hen who I’ve never actually seen lay an egg... what’s up with that?

Is still curious about everything but doesn’t peck me anymore so that’s good (she tore my eyelid once, thanks Bae).

Is regularly dominated by Gwisun, which is a fairly recent development. Gwisun was always bottom of the pecking order but one day decided to have it out for Bae. They started out leaping in the air and bumping chests, but it wasn’t long before Bae was submitting, squatting when Gwisun stood over her, and just plain running away when she pursued her. Gwisun still takes it upon herself to reminds Bae who’s boss from time to time, chasing her and occasionally even mounting her!

VIP

Big Momma (not actually a momma, just big... biggest of them all)

Doesn’t handle the heat well and was the first to learn that standing in pans of water helped cool her off! Smart girl.

Lays large eggs.

Is pretty chill overall, takes most things in stride, not easily bothered.

Doesn’t sit back down on her egg after laying it or otherwise hang out in the nests any longer than she needs to. Does her thing and leaves pretty quickly afterward, which is great! It means I can collect and go if I happen to be out there with them when she does the deed.

Tabi (on the left)

Head hen (I think)

Seems perpetually ill-tempered, the sounds she makes are IMO a little grumpy. Kinda whiny? IDK. I get the impression that half the time I'm with them she's giving me the stink eye.

Pecks at my hand when I try to pick up feed off the ground to give to her. As a warning? It's not especially painful.

Is very businesslike about her egg laying. Gets in, lays her egg quickly, gets out.

Rarely sings the “egg song” after laying. Is she not proud of her accomplishment?

Is extremely punctual and reliable when it comes to eggs. Lays at almost the same time every day, usually early. First in the nest, first out.

Lay pretty blue-green eggs!

SHOUTS her egg song.

Is super sweet toward me. Funny, considering she was terrified of me when she was just a chick. She’ll hover nearby and stare at me quietly, and when I raise my hand, without fail, she squats submissively. Heck, all I have to do is look at her and she drops. So I pet her a lot. Why not? And she picks at my clothes gently, something hens are known to do to the feathers of roosters they like. I think she’s smitten with me lol

Is occasionally challenged by Gwisun but stands her ground.

Also lays pretty blue-green eggs, but not as regularly as BB. I never really know when to expect eggs from her.

Tends to produce weak eggshells, might have a defective shell gland.

Sings the egg song often and quite loudly when other hens are laying, along with BB. Both my Easter Eggers like to flex their singing voices...

Aside from that, very aloof overall. Was friendlier as a baby but has become distant as an adult.

Not sure what else to say about her. She’s kind of... off in her own little world most of the time. She doesn’t interact much with me or the other hens.

Gwisun

Has changed the most!

Not the best picture, I know.

Egg song could be mistaken for a barking puppy, it's hilarious.

Is the best flyer in the flock. Has sailed clear over the fence a few times, meaning I had to chase her down and catch her. Since she started laying, however, has not attempted to escape again.

Surprisingly noisy... starts screeching 30 minutes to an hour before it’s time to let the chickens out in the yard each evening.

So much for Polish being a docile breed. Despite being a total pushover when she was younger, Gwisun is feisty these days. She still gets bossed around by some hens who are highest in the pecking order, such as Tabi and VIP, but she’s had enough of being bottom rung and seems to be working her way up.

Is my only white egg layer at the moment. Consistently lays 3 days on, 1 day off. We’ll see how long that lasts as the days shorten with winter’s approach.

#ask #anon #chickbang

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gawaine · 6 years ago

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you've been given a chance to have a meal with 6 people. anyone can be invited, past or present, living or not, real or fictional, famous or otherwise. catch is you have to cook a meal for each of them, only one dish. you're allowed to have only 1 fictional character. you can keep 3 for the whole night till next morning, 3 will leave after eating the meal. And no language barrier. Who are those 6 ppl and what will be the dish?

Hmm, this is a really cool question (and excellent final act during my study break) (this got really long. You have so much more than you bargained for. Would place it under the cut but nah, I love these people and this q. Sorry for answering eons too late);

I’m assuming there’s no dietary requirements, so my amazing salmon salad is what I’m cooking. Plus, if they’re from the past, they could potentially do with the protein?

[... I answered this and then realised I was allowed fiction. Fuck.]

[... I have redrafted my reserve list several times. This q is taking me the best part of a half hour.]

[... Fuck. No. Changes to the main list must be made.]

Confirmed guests: Khadija bint Khuwaylid, Akbar the Great, Sansa Stark, Oscar Wilde, Oliver Saks and Hawraa Zakery.

Just dinner: Hawraa Zakery, Oscar Wilde, Oliver Saks.

[... I needed more females than in my original draft. Holding back the rant about the lack of representation of strong females in history and every career ever, as I had to Google these people bc I realised answering this how, even as I as a feminist, know of so little strong historical/written figures.]

Reserves who I’m going to get punched in the face by the universe for bumping; Ibn Sina, Rumi, Leonardo di Vinci, Cristina Yang.

If it were a dinner party, aka additional guests who would be invited before all the other invites (after the reserves) went out and my favourite funky glasses were allocated for (in order); Alexander the Great, Hades (+ Persephone, duh), Cleopatra, Captain Marvel, Rebecca Lee Crumpler.*

[... FUCK I KEEP THINKING OF MORE PEOPLE.]

Super added bonus round because I’m an indecisive lil’ bitch: King Arthur and Merlin (knights and Lady of the Lake PLUS Morgana would be ideal, but that’s for like... the general list), Fa Mulan, Arya Stark, Ned Stark, the Muskeeters (plus D’Artagnan ofc).

* = I wanted to say Elizabeth Blackwell, but lbr, even as the first female surgeon, her experiences as a white woman would not be as relatable as Rebecca Lee Crumpler.

Who the fuck are these people and why are you inviting them to dinner, Hannah?HMMM SO GLAD YOU ASKED pls prep yourself for salty-ass additional comments (by order of priority) [... okay this is going under the cut bc I’ve been doing this for almost an hour and it’s long and cool ok];

Khadija bint Khuwaylid | Wife of Prophet Muhammad (SWAS), first female follower of Islam.Wealthy, educated divorcee who married a man a significant amount of years her junior in a sexist, ageist patriarchal world? Who was his first follower in what would later become the fastest growing, youngest and tbh probs most controversial religion in the modern world, whilst being a beloved spouse? I feel like she’d have some fucking useful insights to life tbh.Plus, it could never hurt to have a genuine, theological conversation regarding religion, philosophy and being a woman in the modern world (which, after some confusion, I feel like she’d still vibe with tbh) would be... Awesome.

Akbar the Great | Mughal Emperor at the height of its power.Initially first on my list. So many questions. So much advice. I’m also assuming my Dad would be invited and even if not - urgh, it’d be so cool. He was the Original Dude who, via basis of his marriages, formed ‘Desi’ South Asian (e.g large parts of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, etc) culture that has lasted to the modern day, whilst solidifying the Middle Eastern roots of the language and culture as well (e.g Persia - inc. surrounds in modern geography). He helped the expansion of Islam and was a figure of political enlightenment, encouraging acceptance in religious and racial diversity throughout his empire.I wanna know so much. I need to know so. Much. How did he feel about his family’s conversion to Islam? Their assimilation into a culture that, largely through his influence, created the mixing pot of cultures that exists as the Desi identity today? Bearing in mind the current political climate, does he regret that mix - because if that mix hadn’t started, there is an argument that more subtle divisions may have lessened the resentment and tensions between groups over hundreds of years of complicated history (not that that’s necessarily my view)?

Sansa Stark | fictional character from Game of ThronesShe has been through so much, she’s so smart, she’s so underrated and puts up with so much shit inside the GoT universe and outside, she is literally the embodiment of the ‘perfect’ 21st century young woman, with the difficulties attached to that included (though not from lack of abysmally poor characterisation from the male writers. Yes, all of them).Her over Arya because I feel Sansa more relatable and I feel she’d be a useful buffer at dinner and a delight to crack jokes w/ if things went South. Not Ned because idk if he’d walk in carrying his own head (how does this work?) and like... More females pls. She was literally the first female I thought of and now I can’t unsee it.

Oliver Saks | neurologist, authorI can’t believe all this time, I thought he was a brain surgeon and he’s not. What the fuck? But Henry Marsh would be potentially abrasive at dinner.I read my first Saks book at around 8; I then went out of my way to reference my own outdated, battered copy in my first neuro assignment at med school.All of the med talk. He was such a fantastic author and neurologist and did the most amazing research and I need all the career advice I can get.

Oscar Wilde | authorBecause I’m a fangirl and he wrote my favourite book. He’d also bring the fun to the party. And possibly the scandal, which is why I’d sit him near to Sansa.

Hawraa Zakery | human rights activist, mental health & psychology researcher, life coachI actually had to Google women to include and this one screams out at me. So much interesting, cool stuff.So much advice on looking after my messy ass self.

The others (who aren’t well known);

Rumi | famous poetI only chose Wilde out of loyalty to my favourite book, otherwise... Rumi. Famed poet, philosopher and academic. Yes pls. I’d also say Kabir, though Rumi influenced Shakespeare, so... Ya know.

Ibn Sina | ‘the father of early medicine’ aka Avicenna (but that’s not his nAME)Does this need justifying?

Rebecca Lee Crumpler | first female surgeon of colourSo many q’s. So much bowing.

Okay, I have to stop now because it’s an hour later and this was meant to be a fifteen minute revision break and that did not happen, did it?

#fave #inspo #hannah the med studeent #the student diaries #i want to tag this as everyone but i don't want to clutter tags but cool people are on my list and u should read about them ok #Anonymous

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realtalk-tj · 6 years ago

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I'm really indecisive about everything. I'll decide to take a class or do an activity but then I keep second guessing my choices and waste so much time doing that. It's driving me crazy and idk how to stop doing this

Response from Aurora:

If it makes you feel any better, I am waaaaay more indecisive than you are. I literally change my mind every .2 seconds lol. One thing that does help me is being impulsive and making rash decisions. I know that’s usually a bad thing, but the problem with indecisiveness is that you can’t stop overthinking every single one of your options. The way to stop that is by choosing the first thing that seems kinda good or not thinking at all and just picking something. Also, please keep in mind that you should only be rash about small things. I don’t know how bad your indecisiveness is, but for things like daily actions (eg picking what to eat, where to go, etc) it’s actually helpful to do it without thinking. Or even for taking classes - always going with your first choice can actually be really relieving and helpful. If it’s something else, like if it’s something that involves people’s feelings, then obviously you have to be considerate.

So what should you do if you’re making a decision that involves other people? Well, then I would say that the only truly helpful thing you can do is to talk to someone. Do you have good friends that you feel comfortable speaking with? Whenever you can’t make a decision, tell them. I know you might be thinking “but other people don’t know me…” or something, but the truth is that other people know us better than we tend to think lol. I always ask my friends for advice and it is literally the most helpful thing ever. Stick to asking only one friend for advice. If you ask multiple people, you might get different answers, and that’ll just worsen your problem. Also, asking a friend for advice is helpful for just about any problem. You can always ask us if you need help!

To stop overthinking after making a decision, you have to understand that what’s done is done. There’s very, very little control we actually have over our lives. You can’t change anything and you certainly can’t go back in time. Even if you had made a different decision, chances are that you would still be unhappy with it, so what difference does it really make? The grass is always greener on the other side.

Lastly, you have to figure out why you are so indecisive. For me it’s because I’m scared of not living the best possible life I can and I’m constantly afraid of missing out. Maybe for you, it’s that you’re just super worried about everything and need everything to be perfect. Maybe you don’t believe that you are smart enough to make the right choices (but you are!). Whatever the reason is, you have to figure it out. You won’t be able to stop being indecisive unless you get to the root of the problem and solve that.

Good luck, and I know you can do it! It WILL get better :)

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lilmajorshawty · 7 years ago

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favorite sun/moon combos?

Oh lord. Honestly hmm

Aries sun/Virgo moon: super easy going and relaxed and has a earthy side to them that I think is to die for! This tones down the impulsiveness and adds a touch of rationality when dealing with things that I like and they can be a nice blend of fiery and sensual.

Aries sun/Scorpio moon: “intense” they are pretty prolific honestly have strong feelings and treat everything in life similarly to their emotional landscape! I find them irresistible and I think it adds a nice level of depth to them and creates an interesting dynamic! The only take away is they can be a bit dramatic and overbearing.

Taurus sun/Aquarius moon: LIKE OMG? these guys and gals are so so sooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing! They have this air about them that seems so far away yet so grounded and in your face but in a very hard to grasp way. They’re very socially inclined and can really be brainiacs! I adore the way they carry themselves and I honestly think as stubborn as they may be due to the double fixed energy they can be so giving and charitable.

Taurus sun/Leo moon: probably my 2nd favorite! My cousin has this combo and he’s very self assure and confident but Taurus has a humbling affect here for Leo moon and tones down the arrogance and more “me me me” lower aspects of this moon! They are very powerful and have a heavy presence that demands respect and they often are liked by like everyone due to how authentic and real they are! But yeah I think this is a great team.

Taurus sun/gemini moon: 💗💗 my mom has this and a close friend! Super super upbeat place for Taurus and also they can be so air headed and all over the place but in a cutesy way! It also gives Taurus the ability to let go of grudges and move on with their lives! Like this combo is super easy going and forever childlike. Albeit they can be emotionally immature(takes a while for them to understand their emotions) but overall super great.

Cancer sun/libra moon: for some reason this has a Scorpio vibe? Like most I’ve known with this tend to be high key private and secretive. But overall they are super super sweet and sensitive! Albeit the downsides here are extreme indecisiveness and outright self led denial they are still very caring and optimistic for the most part and know how to get along with practically anyone like seriously these guys are the epitomes of socially sophisticated! But i love them so so much.

Cancer sun/Aquarius moon: one of my friends has this and she is..hmm like hot and cold? Summer and winter!? Her desires never match up and she can be a little aloof and cold emotionally and then crying a storm and clingy the next. I actually love this dynamic because it calls for a lot of growth from a person! These people are very complex and can have so many desires running around inside that they don’t learn how to properly express until later on in life. But overall I love them! Wise beyond their years and extremely open and free spirited! They’re not as emotional as most cancers and are very strong willed and independent.

Cancer sun/Scorpio moon: okay. So..this is will Ferrell and I’m in love with him???? But loool yeah these folks are sooooooooo mushy and sweet and huge ol softies! Cancer seems to water down the affect of Scorpio here and can actually make these guys a lot more forthcoming about their emotions and a lot more open about what their private moon in Scorpio is feeling! They naturally seem to be able to be perceptive and idk like they are super open about their feelings for the most part like their still intense moon in scorpios and what not but they don’t really hide what their feeling.

Cancer sun/Capricorn moon: in my experience they’re soooooooooooooo complex. They have very grounded and serious emotions and I feel in awe when I’m in their space. They are so so wise and very emotionally aware and mature and rarely will you see them lose their head. They’re the types to vanish and go quiet though rather then let you know outright what’s up. I find them super attractive and forth coming.

Leo sun/Capricorn moon: HOTTTIES but that being said they can be ruthless. Very ambitious and money minded and tend to be less about gratification then most Leo’s and have a very dominate and powerful personality. They can be so blunt and so straightforward(ex: Arnold a.k.a terminator) but I love how strong they are and how they always put their best into all they do and don’t make excuses when they fail.

Virgo sun/Aquarius moon: super cute! They tend to be a bit more cooler in temperament and seem a bit hard to reach due to the doubled up analytical and non emotional tendencies of both these signs. But it also makes them super super sensitive and teddy bears underneath! I love how they can create warmth and comfort wherever they are and they are very smart and socially adapt individuals! They give of a Scorpio give as well :0

Virgo sun/cancer moon: OKAY LIKE MY BFFFFFFFFFFFF has this and they are so soooooo sweet and caring and endearing! This brings out the best qualities of Virgo and they tend to be super chill and go with the flow types. They can be super career minded and tend to be drawn to more affectionate and emotionally tempered people from what I’ve seen. They are so warm and loving albeit in a quiet way and love comfort! I get libra vibes from this combo.

Virgo sun/Leo moon: these guys are intense! They have strong ass personalities and normally are more outspoken then most Virgo suns. I like how passionate and real they can be! They have a “crowd” vs “loner” vibe and tend to fluctuate between “I am my pack” to “I am on my own” but overall I love them! I high key get Sagittarius vibes from this combo.

Libra sun/Scorpio moon: S E X Y like super hot.incredibly dangerous and will probably ruin your life in a very twilight like way. They come across as aloof from my experience and hide the more intense side of their personality. They are very secretive and hate people prying into their personal life. Super philosophical and morally based people and they don’t easily stress or take disrespect or antagonism to heart and easily move on from things. But at the same time SHIT HITS THEM DEEP. I love em their Cinnabons. I get cap vibes from this combo.

Scorpio sun/Aquarius moon: bby has this. And lemme say this is quite the fucking dynamic. They’re very private and tend to fluctuate between icy and lustful. They have a chameleon like personality and can vibe or blend in anywhere! They have this passion about them boiling underneath their easy going pravada. They tend to be super huge sweethearts and have very easily aroused emotions. They super quirky and childlike but theirs a danger to emotional confusion because Scorpio and Aquarius are night and day. Overall love them.

Scorpio sun/ gemini moon: sooo cute and very multifaceted! They wear a lot of faces these guys and are the “intellectuals” they tend to be super scattered and childlike and Scorpio adds on to this making them easily thrown of track by new and better interest that catch their attention! They can have self esteem issues laying deep down from what I’ve seen.. they’re super skilled and talented though and have a strange yet fascinating mindset on the world and how it works.

Scorpio sun/Virgo moon: ONE WORD: P R I V A T E. these guys don’t like people in their personal space and usually take a while if at all to let you in their bubble. Their also a lot more critical of their flaws and others and tend to hold them self up to a specific criteria. I honestly say these are the papas and mamas! They are so tender and motherly to those they care about and can be babies if they feel like they’re being ignored! They want to be acknowledged even if they prefer to stay out of the limelight! I adore them they give me earthy Leo vibes.

Scorpio sun/Capricorn moon: this is Jon snow. And lemme just say this is so so sooooo fun! They actually have a very easy and warm presence and you don’t really ever feel the Capricorn energy in them but you know it’s there! They can be a bit standoffish and distanced but all the while they move in a aged way. Their movements are timeless and they have a very grandma and grandpa energy about them! They’re not as impulsive or possessive minded as most Scorpio suns and tend to actually emphasis on freedom and responsibility. They live life like loners and tend to see life as a journey and yes have I said I love this? They give me Taurus•Sagittarius vibes.

Sagittarius sun/Scorpio moon: THESE GUYS AND GALS ARE SOOO FREAKING HOT. Let me just say that I am enamored by this fucking combo. Like they really project that scorpion intensity and it’s heavy man! Their super independent and prefer to live life by their own accord. They’re not as open and friendly as most Sagittarius and usually have to get I know you before there freedom loving nature comes out! They can be a bit prissy and straightforward and have a bluntness about their energy. But man they are so magnetic! They have a playfully intimate nature and are so so soooo deep! If anything they give off a very high octave Scorpio energy.

Sagittarius sun/Capricorn moon: like honestly super grounded guys and gals! Not super spontaneous but they do have a reliable and sturdy nature that I love about them! They have this old time 80s flat/disco vibe about them. And if I could relate their vibe to anything particular it would be deux machina the movie. They are super chill and actually have such a calming affect. I love em!

Capricorn sun/Aquarius moon: these guys are so interesting like they always have like 11 different hobbies and tend to be fairly private and passive about them. They’re not super talkative types and usually stay to themselves but once you get them going? Their chatterboxes! They are also a bit odd and far out when it comes to concepts wise and my Venus in Gemini loves that aha!

Pisces sun/gemini moon: really genuinely sweet hearted people! They tend to always have a caring and loving atmosphere about them and you don’t really notice the airness in their nature honestly they come across as very wise and old and tend to have an emotional maturity about them that’s hard to miss! Their super dedicated and reliable and tend to never let life get them down! But honestly soooo sweet and have such a cancer like energy about them man!

Pisces sun/Aries moon: rih rih!! And yes honestly they are so confident and headstrong and aren’t as emotional as most Pisces suns from what I’ve noticed! They don’t really come across as sympathetic and ones I’ve met usually nurture others by supporting them and giving them tough love! Not to say they don’t cry or give hugs cause they do! They just aren’t super caught up in the emotional specter of life as they are more into the more impulsive and in the moment types. I get hella Aries vibes from this

Last but not least honorable mentions(ones I forgot and felt like I should’ve mentioned)Cancer sun/Aries moon(my placement) Taurus sun/Capricorn moon(sooooo hot) Pisces sun/Aquarius moon(😻😻)

#ask #sun signs #moon signs #Aries sun #Taurus sun #Gemini sun #cancer sun #Leo sun #Virgo sun #libra sun #Scorpio sun #sagittarius sun #Capricorn sun #Aquarius sun #Pisces sun

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ofstarlites · 5 years ago

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——— 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓 !

▌𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : Cecilia ▌𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍 : Single ▌𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 : She has some in canon but I have... yet to pin it completely down eee... but in modern verse none!! ▌𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 : Icy blue ▌𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 : Medium Brown ▌𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒 : Sunny (Mother), Noah (Father) ▌𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐒 : None! ▌𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 : People being overprotective of her! ▌𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒 / 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 : She likes walks and reading!! Also working out but except alone skjdhjfdkjsdhf

▌𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 : YEAH definitely, especially as a kid when she’d fight more often and had a lot of anger and energy! Now she only hurts ppl out of self-defense or something. (Amber... is probably the only exception to this haha) ▌𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 : Not in modern! Probably would have to in canon :’0 ▌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 : AH idk this one’s hard... maybe like... a cat? like how cats are rlly calm but they’re also kinda touchy and they’re just like “ok I’ll lay on you, you can pet me now” but if you try to bother them when they don’t want attention they’ll be upset skjdfhskjhf that’s her? like she won’t let anyone push her around basically, but she’ll be there for you. kinda like a cat... idk!!!! if that makes sense I haven’t had a cat in like 5+ years skdjhfjkshf ▌𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 : She’s rlly reckless when it comes to her loved ones (esp in canon) and she’s really secretive? she doesn’t mean it but it could possibly lead people to not trust her? ▌𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐒 : parents, her aunt, and her friend liviana hehe ▌𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : bisexual!! idk if she has a preference tbh ee ▌𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄 / 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 : hmmm maybe on marriage, no on kids (though I can imagine her changing her mind but.. not easily and it’s definitely on her own accord) ▌𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 : being.. useless or overly dependent... shjdfhjsgh ▌𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 : like... casual street fashion. she’s always wearing something a bit nice, but not overdressed? if that makes sense! mostly a mix of kfashion and popular american fashion! ▌𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 : family, friends, also teddy because she sees her as a sister hehe ▌𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒 : hmm she just kinda... she’s not one to look for friendships? so if a friendship happens, it’ll just happen super randomly. like maybe she’ll coincidentally run into someone multiple times and then they’re like “oh you’re cool lets exchange numbers / facebook / whatever so we can hang out” and that’s that, I guess. ▌𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐈𝐄 : I feel like she only likes thanksgiving pies, and she’s also a pretty healthy eater. she eats mainly fruits / veggies and a little bit of meat, so pies are only on special occasions, as is fast food / non-healthy restaurant food! she does like fries though! she doesn’t eat that often either, but more often than a lot of other unhealthy food. this question is about pie... what have I done... my brain is on a different level today, but I’m gonna keep that because it’s extra info for those who care! your welcome I guess ksdjfhjkshfjk ▌𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐃𝐑��𝐍𝐊 : water or green tea? speaking of tea, teddy got her to try boba once. it was alright. ▌𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐓 : home! or like. cafe type places. if they sell tea. tea is good. ▌𝐒𝐖𝐈𝐌 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 : hmm probably either one tbh!! but mostly a pool because you can swim laps in it ;)

▌𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 : uh?? not sure jksfdhkfh frick um? ah? h- ▌𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐒 : both!! she likes being inside places when she’s working on stuff, and being outside as a way to relax!

▌𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : Theodore ▌𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍 : Single ▌𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 : She has... telekinesis / warping abilities in canon.. but none in main eee ▌𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 : Dark brown! ▌𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 : Light brown/Dirty blonde (Natural), platinum blonde (Current, dyed) ▌𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒 : Maria (Mother), William (Father), Adrian (brother) ▌𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐒 : One doge!!! ▌𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 : People who start drama for no reason. Mainly happens in school for her to be honest! ▌𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒 / 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 : Archery, walks, singing, dancing! ▌𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 : Hmmm I don’t think? Maybe like emotionally but I think everyone has done that, so this probably means physically. Probably not in modern. ▌𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 : Not in modern, potentially in canon? ▌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 : Probably either a bunny, or a dog. Mainly because she reminds me of the dog in UP due to her rambling though sdkjfhskjdh... also dogs really seem to like validation, so I think that fits her well too. Bunny because.. cute, fast and scared JASHJKDAHSKJDH (I feel like if there’s any animals that just look super cute but are rlly rlly smart.. that’s her too) ▌𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒 : probably how paranoid she is? or her indecisiveness kdjfhkjsh it’s mostly on trivial things like where to go for dinner and stuff, but at least it causes her to do pros / cons on bigger decisions, so maybe I’ll give the worst habit trophy to her paranoia. ▌𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐒 : adrian, cec, elias .... partially her dad (she wants to make him proud so.. in a way?) ▌𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : she lovs GORLS ▌𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄 / 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 : she dunno.. she dun care right now ahh ▌𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 : being harmed?? mainly being harmed... ▌𝐒𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 : super comfortable / lazy like sweatpants n stuff.. but also like general kfashion and jfashion types of stuff! ▌𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 : family, & friends! and ceci hehe the big sis she always wanted ▌𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐒 : tries her best to initiate them but y’know... you win some you lose some skjhfdkh she’ll never force herself on you but she’ll let you know that she’s always there if you wanna chat! ▌𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐈𝐄 : pie... delicious. cheesecake is better though. she eats both terrible and healthy food. it’s a curse. ▌𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊 : strawberry lemonade and milk tea w/ boba! honorable mentions to water and sprite / clear sodas that are sprite-esque. ▌𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐓 : the park or the library! or in her room ee ▌𝐒𝐖𝐈𝐌 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 : hmmm both definitely!

▌𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄 : AHHH UNSURE UNSURE!!! ABORT!!! ABORT!! AB ▌𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐒 : indoors... she would love camping if it weren’t for them buggies...

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 : @icesuffice bless ur soul... these are so fun skjfdhskhjf 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 : everyone!! LITERALLY EVERYONE!!! if you see this.. if you are READING THIS you have been TAGGED and you SHOULD do this... butonlyifyouwanttohahahhaa

#( I WUV MY KIDS...... AAA #no but if you really want to but you're like scared or smth idk idk #do it!! pwease #also can we talk abt... me rambling in the pie section for ceci #I keep laughing every time I think about that )#✧ tba ( teddy; trivia )#✧ tba ( ceci; trivia )

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katie-lyn · 7 years ago

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Dan’s Astrology

Birthday: June 11, 1991

Place of birth: Wokingham (Berkshire) UK

Sign: Gemini

First of all, I just want to say, if you’re already judging this because you think astrology is BS, understand that real astrology is not stupid horoscopes in magazines. It is so much more intricate and personal. Every single person’s birth chart is different, like actual snowflakes. Even if this isn’t something you are super into, I still think you would be interested in at least seeing your own chart and seeing how you feel and how much you think it relates to you. My favorite website for this is here . And my favorite video explaining real astrology is here

So, now if you’re on the same page, or just open-minded about it, lets talk about Dan below the cut

Here is Dan’s birth/ natal chart

As you can see here, Dan’s sun sign is Gemini. Which, your sun sign is the main one that everyone knows about themselves. Now, in astrology, even though everything on the chart plays a part, the most important signs are your sun, moon, and ascendant/rising. Dan is actually a double Gemini because his sun and moon are both in Gemini. What this means is that he’s just a more intense Gemini. And his rising is in Virgo. In brief, a rising sign talks about how you outwardly share yourself with the world. So, the version of him that we would see as people who do not personally know him, for example. Now, Gemini’s often get a bad rep for being two-faced or very full of themselves, and while this sometimes can be true to an extent, they are incredibly interesting people.

I do see the multi-personality Gemini stereotype in Dan to an extent. He‘s very deep and philosophical at times, but then he’s also quite optimistic sometimes. He’s just kind of all over the place in that kind of sense in my opinion, but don’t get me wrong, I actually love that about him. I think it’s a very endearing quality.

The thing I personally think I love the most about Gemini’s are how brilliant their minds can be. Obviously, we see this A LOT in Dan. He loves to learn new things, he’s very open-minded, he’s so creative, which many Gemini’s are. They are generally very good writers, fast talkers, very good at poems and the like, which explains why there are so many Gemini rappers, including Kanye West, Dan’s problematic fave. But a great example of this in Dan is just how deep and philosophical he can get, which we see quite often in his live shows when he just lets himself go off on tangents. I love it and it is so Gemini. They’re geniuses, that’s all I have to say about Gemini’s. They are absolutely brilliant, and they know it. We know it, they know it, they just are. They are incredibly innovative and creative and they are just geniuses.

That leads us to one of the other defining traits about Gemini’s: their egos. I think this part is just missing in Dan. He’s very down to earth, doesn’t think he’s the center of the universe as a lot of Gemini’s do, aka, Donald Trump and Kanye. However, I think he does have this in a way, he’s just more modest about it. I see it in the way he is so particular about the videos that go up on his channel. If it isn’t up to his standards, he can’t post it because he feels he is better than that. So he takes this trait that has the potential to be irritating and morphs it into this thing where he uses it just to better himself instead of being incredibly egotistical, if that makes sense, and I think it’s great.

Gemini’s are ruled by Mercury, the planet of communication, and coincidentally, so are Virgo’s which he has a strong influence from as well since it is his ascendant sign, which makes so much sense in Dan’s case. He is a fantastic communicator, so good at articulating his feelings tangibly and getting his points across and just the way he makes everything so relatable. Just great at communicating in general. Also we totally see this in his live shows. He just talks and talks, then he sees the time and is shocked by how long it’s been because he just gets so engrossed in his conversation. Their brains just move so fast and they’re so full of ideas, they are often some of the most interesting people to listen to.

They need to feel very busy, they are workaholics. I’m sure Dan is like this to an extent with how busy he and Phil are a lot of the time, I’m sure he enjoys it. Again with their wit and fast tracked brains, they don’t really like to hang around people who aren’t on the same intellectual level, who can’t keep up with them. Lucky for Dan, that Phil, the person who is next to him in his life (see what I did there?) is incredibly smart and intellectual. Also, I would just like to mention that Phil is an Aquarius which is one of the highest in compatibility for Gemini’s, but maybe I’ll make a whole separate post about how Gemini’s and Aquarius’s complement each other if that’s what the people want. I also am going to do this whole thing for Phil as well, don’t worry.

Gemini’s are very indecisive because they see everything from everyone’s point of view. They don’t like conflict, they don’t want to get involved in it, not very confrontational people generally. We see this in the way Dan ignores the fuck out of our phandom drama, but honestly, who can blame him there? No one. It takes a lot to get a Gemini involved in conflict. You’ve gotta really piss them off.

Gemini’s can be very secretive, they tell a lot of white lies to protect themselves or those they care about. Interpret this in whatever way you want, I’m not going to get into it in this post. This is not a phan proof post, simply an analysis of Dan’s astrology. It is very hard to get to know a Gemini, the real side of the Gemini, you can know a Gemini for a very long time, yet feel like you barely know them, If you really do know them fully, you must be very close, they don’t show their true selves to many people.

Gemini's are often artists. A lot of them identify with certain colors and you know those are their favorites and a lot of their things kind of revolve around that color, which for Dan would be black, which is a little sad, but it is aesthetic and I think that’s why he likes it so much. Gemini’s are very into aesthetics and if you know Dan at all, you know that he totally is.

When it comes to relationships and friendships, they are looking for people who are smart, innovative, and people are as quick thinking as they are, people who are witty and intellectual and like to have good conversations, open-minded. And fun. They really value people who are fun.

I know this is already lengthy, but I really want to get into some of all the other parts of his chart.

His rising sign is Virgo. I challenge anyone to read this and tell me this isn’t 100% Dan.

Now what you all probably care about, Venus, the planet of love, it is in Leo for Dan. Now, oh my gosh Leo is perfect placement for Venus in a lot of ways. People who have Venus in Leo are so incredibly full of love. Love is everything to them. They love hard and unwaveringly. We all know heart-eyes Howell, and there is good reason behind it. Leo is blinded by love, it is so intense and all-encompassing to them.

Now if that doesn’t sound exactly like him, I don’t know what does.

Now I’ll just give you a few more snippets that I think really show and fit with him.

And the last one here I think is very, very Dan

Anyway, this is very long so I’m going to end this here. I am very curious what you guys think of this! Pease send me asks, I could talk about this stuff all day, man. Even if you don’t believe in it, it’s a very interesting thing to think about and idk I really love it. I will do one for Phil soon, then maybe a Gemini-Aquarius compatibility one? I think that could be cool too.

#phan #phandom #dan and phil #dan howell #Daniel howell #danisnotonfire #phanfic #astrology #if you read this whole thing I love you #please please please send me asks #I love to talk about this shit #its so interesting #shut up katie

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rnaryjune · 8 years ago

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alright let’s get a little more in-depth here and sort out who to root for. working backwards this time.

Raven: likes frankie grande. PASS. like the idea that she’s not afraid to make big moves, but lbh that doesn’t mean squat unless and until she actually goes through with it. the all female ghost hunting team thing is cool though it better come up in the show i demand to know about this.

Ramses: superfan, loves dan (which...okay i never actually saw dan’s season i really only know him from the coaches twist and even then i didn’t really pay attention to him? but anyway i know from the fandom that this is a good sign), he wants to do that SUPER SMART DANIELLE THING of having a person on the other side of the house and keeping track of it that way. that being said, his strategy is a little...TOO thought-out. with a game like big brother you have to be ready to make adjustments and think on your feet, and i’m not sure he’ll be able to do that if necessary. HEY HE IS the obligatory gay man...and a gay man of color at that. which....okay let’s be honest, big brother does not have the best track record when it comes to games of gmoc (Marcellas, Lawon, JOZEA, among others). buuuuuuuut....i’m willing to stick my neck out once more. KEEP.

Megan: eugh she likes frank victor and paul which like...okay tbf i kinda understand from a game perspective because they did pull some interesting moves (and ngl paul’s gameplay was always a bit like how i imagine i would play). but i think she likes them as ppl too which...no. also she says she doesn’t wanna be like vanessa???? THE SIRENS GOING OFF AT THAT STATEMENT. she ain’t gonna last. PASS. oh my god and then later in her bio “ At the same time, there is always that whiny, crying girl that just can't handle the pressures of the house. I would make her my friend and my secret ally. This is the only person in the house I will be loyal to. I'll take her to Final 2 and, since she didn't do anything the whole time, I'll win.” like girl....that’s gonna be you lmao. also she wants to buddy up with a gym-partner guy? can we say obvious showmancer? look if she can back it up with some comp wins then maybe she could pull a rachel but i just don’t see that happening. she literally says she’s gonna play scared which like...yea you’re never for sure safe in the bb house but she is literally gonna go down the vanessa path.

Matthew: HE LIKES DONNY. HE IS IN MY GOOD GRACES. he wants to align with the women too??? tentative KEEP because the fact that he says donny is a good person makes me want to trust that he, too, is a good person. but i’ve been burned before, and besides, as great as it would be to see a mainly female alliance with one guy, so far the girls aren’t impressing me much, so i don’t have high hopes for that.

Mark: you know it makes sense he likes brendon. so yea, definite showmance material. possibly with megan too actually. honestly not impressed. PASS.

Kevin: he doesn’t even have a favorite player he just “met derrick once” lol man u are DEFINITELY not gonna win. unless he can adapt quickly which...is unlikely. “I was Mr. Massachusetts and also won a hunk contest” okay buddy. also he’s all like “being myself will probably work everytime” dude if u don’t win that first hoh u are easy target number one. PASS. probably nice but will not win. no chance in hell. unless something MAJOR happens.

Josh: like evel dick so....look, i’ll be honest, i was very young when season 8 was on so like...idr all the stuff that dick pulled, i mostly know from posts in the fandom. but at the time, i was a huge fan of him, and was thrilled he won. and i mean, he did at least have some gameplay, unlike other despicable ppl in later seasons (*cough* andy). so i mean from a gameplay standpoint, i can see why someone would want to emulate dick’s game. however, i think it would require stealthier manipulation than josh thinks. and the fact that he didn’t need to be on anybody’s good side? nice thought and all, but if he didn’t have danielle and her alliances, he would have never made it as far as he did. you HAVE to have someone in your corner, even just one person. josh underestimates the power of alliance and is probably gonna end up being like a paulie. eugh. PASS. sidenote: dude wants to bring his mom in the house not because he would miss her but so she would cook and clean for him???? LOL FUCK THIS GUY i hate him already. his fun facts aren’t even fun facts they’re just personality traits lmao

Jillian: worried about saying the wrong thing? could be a bad sign or just innocent. i am intrigued by her answers though, so a tentative KEEP.

Jessica: janelle/natalie hybrid? could be interesting and if she says she sees herself in janelle that’s VERY promising. less promising is that she wants to align with a guy. could very easily get sidetracked by showmance. hopeful though, so tentative KEEP.

Jason: oh god almost forgot anbout hfajlfhghfskh RODEO CLWON JfHASFJFlshAL. ahem. he likes James which...tbh i liked him too. look if he’s good enough for natalie then he’s decent enough for me. anyway, i fricking love jason’s answer about his strategy: “yes” that’s it that’s all he says I LOVE IT. also he has a bull??? WE BETTER SEE IT IN THE SHOW. i don’t expect him to win but he seems an interesting person so....KEEP. for now.

Elena: likes james and thinks the strategy is situational aKA THE TRUTH. seems like she might actually be able to play the game???? which seems unheard of nowadays. can’t get a real idea of her character but for gameplay i’ll go with a KEEP for now.

Dominique: “nor do i shy away from controversy” is again something that could go either way and instantly makes me cautious. but let’s look at gameplay. she says she’ll take mental notes of everyone and be observant, and she can read ppl really well, so i want to think she’ll do well. but her indecision over a fave past houseguest is something that makes me take pause as well. screw it, KEEP for now. i’m curious to see what she can do.

Cody: seems smart and obviously physically capable....BUT something in his answers rubs me the wrong way. his reasoning for picking evel dick is something i can agree with, but his strategy is, once again, too airtight. where is the wiggle room? look it’s true the basic building blocks of big brother are generally the same every season but you never know what could get changed. also he’s all like “i’ve never taken a selfie” you’ve never taken a picture of yourself? ever? that seems unlikely but it’s whatever aside from assumed pretentiousness. HOWEVER the real big flag is “i have never been offended not once” buddy that is a DAMNED lie and i caNNOT WAIT until he gets pissy about something in the house and the fandom calls him out on it lmao oh anyway PASS.

Christmas: oh my god she chose HELEN. HELEN OF ALL PEOPLE. THIS IS A GOOD SIGN. idk man i’m very hopeful about this one the fave houseguest is a good sign and i want to like christmas for it....also because her picture is gorgeous but like. she chose HELEN. like im sorry but i feel like most ppl wouldn’t even think of helen. maybe christmas can align with that guy who likes donny??? YES I LIKE THIS. anyway KEEP.

Cameron: well of COURSE his fave is ian like how damn predictable can u be. also he just reminded me of ginamarie and the fact that she won an hoh at some point (how???). that being said, the fact that he’d just tell people that someone is going after them?? bad plan. unless there’s ANY truth to it, but if he pulls it out of his ass he’s going to end up imploding his own game. PASS, not just for meh gameplay but also because he bores me. (seriously i’m so tired of ian clones none of them have been anywhere near as good or interesting why are we still doing this)

Alex: “i can manipulate anyone, including boys” aka she will probably start a showmance. idk with who and tbh idc. her fun facts are actual, legitimate fun facts, and she seems nice, but i don’t get good gameplay vibes. PASS, but i hope she surprises me.

#bb19 #big brother #big brother 19 #read more #long post under read more #caps cw

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inspirationallyinsane · 6 years ago

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July 9th 2018

Tumblrrrrr :D It's me. Your fav. I'm so good. Yes. So good. My life is incredibly full and I'm a full ass person and it's cool. I'm not going to lie though, I haven't put myself in a position for disappointment for a while. Not since Vince. I wasn't sure if I would. I'm not sure if I want to. And obviously Vince was a whole lot more than disappointment. But! Similar. Heartbreak is just like, exaggerated disappointment. You feel loss? Waste? Sadness? It's interesting, I think. I've only been truly heartbroken twice in my life. Lmao I did not set out to write about this but I guess we're going to. Um. And both of those times I think that I almost enjoyed it in a strange way. I remember after Vince just dipped tf out I was so completely broken that the whole world seemed different. I was watching it happen, but not living in it. I wasn't present for shit. It was like a quasi-death. A part of me died and was watching the rest of me function and be a person, but in reality? I was not a full person. I was half a person, half watching things happen, half experiencing things. And then!!! There were moments when suddenly that part of me re-entered my body?? My soul?? And the colors were bright again. Brighter than they ever had been. The most beautiful moments I have ever known. It was very similar with Austin but the difference was that I was not present for a lot longer after him. I dipped out for a solid two years after Austin. Well. Until I met Vince. And that was not good. I was not good. Somehow I have learned how to fix myself. I learned how to escape the lie and keep myself present. It's neat. 3 months? It only took 3 months. I can do anything for three months. So. What is heartbreak to me now? What is the risk? What is the sadness, really? I thought my love died to him, I thought he had won, beat me. He had swung his sword enough, finally slayed me. But I was wrong af. I have never been happier and healthier than I am now. Last night was fun. It was a good time. Yesterday was incredible. My song did well for its first day. I got a lot more listens than I did on any of my others when I first released them. And chocolate texted me about it :) I'm not sure how interested in pursuing that I am at this point. It was fun writing the song and the lyrics are fun but in reality? I'm really leaning more towards the "no" side at this point. I was in a different situation when I wrote that, when I met him. And he's fun and I don't doubt that it would be fun. I do hope to see him again before I can't again. But. There's no sure things about what will happen. I like things to develop kinda naturally and smoothly. I don't wanna force anything. Just cuz I write a song about sucking some dude's dick, doesn't mean I necessarily will. And I actually had a lot of other people text me about it too!!! All good things!!! No bad feedback on this one. Genuinely I am shocked. I got soooo much shit for my other songs. Like. So much. And some of it was dumb shit, like this kid from my youth group left a comment on one of my songs and it was about how one of my lyrics was "wrong" but it just went over his head a bit. And so now I kinda laugh about it, but I'm so hungry for every single person's praise and love that at the time it was hurtful!! I was like??? Wtf. Why did you feel the need to say that on my soundcloud? I see you every week you weirdo? I could've explained the lyric to you, and then neither of us look bad. Could've saved both of us embarrassment. But no. You just had to go and do that. Idiot. "Idiot" is one of my favorite things to say now. Just how Dwight says it in the office. Dwight is the cutest. He's my fav. We're similar, I think. Obviously he is a character, and in many ways, I am too, just not as violent, perhaps. Haha. But driven and excitable and unsure and sensitive. I am easily messed with. Idk. People tell me I'm like Dwight. Who tf knows. Anyway. So yes, my song release was a success. And my picture didn't get taken down from insta! Which is awesome. I like it a lot. I look hella fine. I always look fine tho. Let's be real. Umm and then the rest of my day was very nice too :) Significantly better than expected for sure. Not that I exactly thought it wouldn't be good. I knew, to some extent, as I usually do with these things. But. 11 hours is a long time to spend with someone. I don't do that often. If ever? Have I ever? 11 hours. I think the last time I did that was when I went to Bandon with Scott. When I was 16. Woah. That's crazy to think about. I mean, I guess it's not super normal. People don't do that. They should though, maybe. It's fun. It's nice. I'm not sure how much I should say. I like to talk/write about things, in depth. However, that isn't always smart. Not always a good idea. Sometimes, it's a good idea to keep your feelings all up inside of you. And it's about 50/50 with my judgement calls on these sorts of things. Like Chocolate? I was concerned that might be a bit much, and it turned out fine. Better than fine. The response was good. But like when I wrote about shit with Zach I did not expect such an aggressively upset response. So. Wtf do I know, really? Ok. So. Here's the thing. I'll just say this. And it's going to be difficult and upsetting for me not to say a whole lot more. But I'm not going to. I have a lot of thoughts, and a lot of things going on inside of my head. And I'm not sure if I'm putting myself in a good situation, I'm not sure if I trust the situation. And yet, as I tend to do, I will trust the situation and let the things happen to me and see what happens. End of story. Also!!! I started writing another song today!!! That's exciting. I've never jumped into a new one so soon after I released one. I'm happy with how this one is going too. I have a chorus and the first verse. Kinda pounded that shit out in about ten minutes. I was inspired. I think I'm going to call it Bury, Bloom. Some of you, well, like two of my readers may know what I'm referencing there. Lmao. I don't tend to write things to or for or about people that I know they will never read/listen to. But I believe this is one of those times. She won't ever see this or hear this. Unless things change dramatically. But I'm a pussy and so they won't. Oh well. Here's a thing that I have been thinking about; I think that identifying the line of events in life is really important. I wrote a little bit about this a few months ago but I haven't really been able to get it out of my head. I think this might connect to the meaning thing. And maybe that is why my subconscious (?) is telling me it is important. I'm having to start with myself. From the beginning. This thing led to this thing and then this and that, so on and so forth until every passing second. Endlessly. Until I die. Um. But it's like, every single person, every single thing, every single thought, has influenced my actions which create who I am today. Similarly, I have had a part in creating a part of everything around me, things that are inconceivable to me. Actions I have taken, actions I have not, all of it. Indecision is decision in itself. Stagnation is an action. How does it tie into meaning? I don't know. I gotta think about that. The machine. The machine though! I'm a part in the machine and the machine would function differently if I functioned differently. Ok. Ok. So if the machine can, certainly can, function differently and "produce" different things, then it must!!! It must be producing for a reason. Why though? What reason? What is the production for? I've been thinking about the refrigerator thing a lot too. That little gift of a metaphor that Benadryl gave me. So. Here's how I see it, right? The multiverse exists. Right? Almost definitely. There is a "universe", a time, in which matter doesn't exist. Matter, energy, none of it exists. There is no refrigerator at all. It isn't even about whether someone is using it or watching it or appreciating it, it simply isn't there. And you have to think of it this way, perhaps: A home, a universe, in which a fridge never existed would not miss the fridge because it does not know the fridge. But! If a home that already had a fridge all of a sudden did not have one, there would be a noticeable difference. If! Time were different, if TimeTM were to suddenly break, as we know it to be, the machine could cease. SO! Since the machine exists at all, and there is a lack of machines as well, the machine existing in the first place must mean something. It must have purpose. It has to. Because otherwise it just wouldn't exist. Why though. That's the thing. I can't outrun all the "why though"s. It's endless with these sorts of things and I could throw it right back but I don't like to argue like that. Why though? Is a valid question, and I would like to know. So you know what?? I will take your why though and turn it into a solid answer. I've progressed quite a bit over just the last few weeks even. Hm. Maybe if I can tie the two things I just talked about together that might get me even further. Fuck Kant. He can't kill philosophy for me. I'll know the shit you glorified con man. Nice job killing the conversation, you garbage person. I like most philosophers, no lie. But Kant? Socrates? Assholes. No good. Not worth their salt. That's what I say. Plato?? Wayy better than Socrates. 100%. Socrates can suck me. Anyway. I'll get really upset if I keep writing about Socrates. Lord knows. Tumblr. Thank you for giving me a place to put my ramblings :) y'all are wonderful. I know a lot of people only follow me for my selfies cuz they're a little slutty and sexual like 90% of the time, but I don't really care. Maybe the reason doesn't matter as much as the existence of it at all :p lol. Look at that. Life is cool. I love being alive. It's funny because I've been thinking recently I might die. Because that would be so ironic. I think that would be a little funny. Not in a "haha she died" sorta way but it's like, I have always wanted to die. Since the moment I was old enough to have real feelings. 13? Probably. I have seriously considered suicide for years and years and years. I've felt dead, at least in part, a majority of my quasi-adult life. And now I do not. For the first time ever. For the first time I am excited to wake up, I'm excited to think, I'm excited to be me. I'm excited for my future. I think it'd be really ironic if I died rn. Like the kind of irony that I would wanna write about. I think if I were about to die right now I'd be really disappointed I couldn't write a poem about it. I'd be a mad ghost. Someone better write about the irony of my death if I die. Ya know?? Ok. I haveee to try to sleep. Again, thanks for listening Tumblr. Hopefully I will be able to write more specifically about many things, soonish. Goodnight, until next time :D

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custardtoast · 7 years ago

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hmm small (edit: really lengthy) rant about my life rn

I just had a week off school and it was a much needed break... I did volunteer for 3/5 of the days so it wasn’t a crazy break, since I still had quite a bit of stress about those 3 days

I am currently in that typical position of “I didn’t do anything productive pertaining to school work all week so now I feel guilty and I should stay up and get something done” but at the same time... I feel like I always beat myself up so much when I know that I was quite busy with other things, and school work isn’t always the only priority. Granted, I did watch a kdrama lol and didn’t sleep until 2-4 am on most days, while waking up close to noon.... but I feel like I needed that. I just hate how i can never fully relax but I also can’t bring myself to work... but that is the ultimate student dilemma. I wish I had better self-control and organizational skills to balance everything

On a related note, I’ve been thinking rly hard about what I want to do after I graduate from uni... I was thinking about applying to a summer internship for half of the summer, but I need a reference letter and the deadline is this week, so I feel like its sort of inappropriate to ask any of my profs at this point... I also was thinking about just bumming around for the entire summer and being productive in other areas of my life ... like I’ve been thinkin about starting a youtube channel (lol me and everyone else in this internet world) bc I’ve just been so inspired by all these amazing ppl who show their struggles to everyone and at the end of the day they’re all beautiful ppl... I really like the idea of sharing my life w all these internet friends bc frankly, I don’t really share my life with anyone irl (i know that sounds super sad but it’s true... i dont feel like im close w anyone anymore and once i graduate from uni i feel like i’m gonna be cut off from everyone I currently talk to and I feel like no one would rly make the effort to talk to me otherwise)

so idk i kinda wanted to start a vlog/lifestyle channel so I could just chat to the camera, since i rly do have a lot of thoughts i’d like to share, but i’m just too scared to share them with anyone i actually know irl. it feels easier to just talk it out to no one in particular like a diary, but then have ppl (hopefully) care about it. but at the same time there are TONS of lifestyle channels out there and i dont think i have a particular “tv personality”?

also filming those kinda videos have nothing to do w my university degree and idk i feel like.... it’s important to be well-rounded but i don’t want my degree to be for nothing, so i also have to think about what i want to do as my future career. which is really tough because... i’m in the sciences, i currently do clinical research in a lab, and it’s okay... i love the learning aspect but i’m not a fan of the actual scientific research process. i can’t really explain why but you’re just... studying something so small for so so so long and it’s hard to feel like you’re making any progress. but i suppose the beauty of the field is if/when you actually make progress and a contribution. i’m also scared about the whole competition in the field and constantly keeping yourself afloat with grants, idk if i want to dedicate my life to that. and to be honest i dont think im smart enough or that much of a critical thinker to become a researcher and get a phd, although i would really love to be a university professor (too bad u have to have a phd loool)

some other options are going to med school, optometry school, becoming a dietician or a physician’s assistant... med school is the scary one bc i always think about.... why would i want to be a doctor over another medical professional? do i actually have the qualities to be a good doctor, or am i just doing it bc of the image or the pressure? do i actually enjoy working with patients?? ofc those questions apply to the other options as well but... im always doubting myself and i feel like that quality alone is not very ideal for being a doctor. i would feel more comfortable being an optometrist, dietician, or physician’s assistant bc it feels like... even if you mess up there are still other people to back you up, whereas with a doctor, you are the one running the game. which is super important and impressive, but i just don’t know if i could handle with the stress and if i have the capabilities to make unwavering decisions. just cuz i know im so indecisive.... man. i got rejected from med school which is why im rethinking all of this. i might go to grad school next year, either in nutrition or continuing in physiology. i really like topics in nutrition and a masters in nutrition is only a year long, but i would have to find a new supervisor and im not a super huge fan of research (like i’ve said before)... but it seems better than a 2 year masters in physiology. i could stick with my current physiology supervisor, but that also means im stuck studying the same thing as i am now for 2 years. and idk if i love it that much.... agh... i dont know......... i wish someone could tell me what’s the best path... but i know no one can... and i know that no one is gonna read this huuuuuge text.... im just rambling at this point bc i have no one i feel comfortable personally messaging all of this to

being indecisive.... leads me to my next point. which is strange, but i really want to get a tattoo after i graduate. ive been thinking about what to get, and ofc, due to my indecisive nature, i can never really decide, but i think... i kinda know what i want? i just need to think of a good placement for it bc i dont want it to be visible in my every day life, just due to the judgemental nature of the field that im in right now and possibly will be in the future (eg. if i work in the medical field, i will most definitely be judged if i have visible tattoos, maybe less by the younger demographic but by the older ones for sure, and that can affect the whole patient-doctor interaction, or even interaction with mentors?) so if u have any tattoos, i’d love to know what you have (if you’re comfortable w sharing) and why, so it helps me justify getting my own lol (even though that doesnt rly make sense.. i should just get it if i want it, but im still debating)

guhhhh my brain has run out of juice and i should go to bed, im really trying to not sleep at 2 am today. i wish i could fall asleep faster. im not gonna give myself heck for not getting anything done during reading week, or tonight, cuz i know i’ve been going through some rough mental patches, but i hope if i sleep earlier, wake up a bit earlier, take back more control of my life, i can be more productive and less stressed. pls wish me luck.

i rly want... to make meaningful connections and impacts in this world.

#a #in case ya dont wanna read it all #im just basically lost at sea lol #feelin the same kinda loss for a long time now

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survivorkvaloya · 7 years ago

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While we proceed through our Rites of Passage, listen to this soundtrack from the show for ambiance so to speak.

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Without further ado, lets pay tribute....

Christine: Whew, Zoe, we didn’t really talk to much which was unfortunate and you got a really rough deal with that joint tribal which was….well even more unfortunate. I hope you give it another shot someday though!

Jack: didnt know you sry

JD: It sucks that you were one of the first people out. If I remember right, you're pretty new to the community and it would have been good to have you around longer. The first couple of votes are ways hard to navigate and here's to you making it to FTC for your next game drinks water from canteen

Ryan: you being inactive got Connor the legacy advantage and when Connor was slaughtered he gave it to Christine, so thank you for that

Christine: I’ve heard so much about you and saw you around the community a lot and when I saw we were both cast I got so excited to play with you! It’s a shame that you left so early.

Jack: didnt know you sry

JD: I dont even know what happened with your vote, I feel a bit shit for it though because I got a handful of people together and you were the name they wanted to vote. I think they were worried about you though, so cheers to your reputation drinks water

Ryan: aklghgdjal you slaughtered me in Olympics and we fought so much in that Project Runway game. Years go by and I thought you'd fuck me up but you'd never reply to me!!

Christine: CONNOR!!! Words can’t explain how grateful I was to have you in this game. After the rocky time we had in Rebels & Rogues I was a little nervous to see how things would play out but I was so sad to see you go so early. Thank you so much for giving me the legacy advantage, you literally saved my life in this game and I’m glad I could put it to good use for you. Next time I’m back in Boston we definitely need to hang out. :D

Jack: didnt know you sry

JD: remember that time I called you Conner ha.ha.ha... I actually wanted to work with you. But without a student/mentor so early in the game you were just the easy vote I guess. I just went with it. I'm sorry. Drinks water

Ryan: I really missed out on playing with you in hosts since I dropped out! I did only get to see you for a hot minute in this game but Danielle and Christine said good things about you so I hope to see you in the future!

Christine: AH BRETT! A true robbed icon. Your vote was one of the hardest for me because I was so excited to play with you after seeing how amazing you played in Switzerland and House of Shade. You were always there to support me and Lauren which I was so grateful for. I fought so hard to keep you and I’m sorry I couldn’t do enough.

Jack: You were like the only person I talked to early game and then you voted me and got blindsided, so... idk man this was an experience and I thought I was following you out.

JD: BRETT!!! I actually remember this vote, we weren't on the same tribe but I was watching it happen and I was so shook when it happened. I was really hoping to work with you! But at least got to make up for it in another game. You were gone too soon, cheers. Drinks water

Ryan: I was paranoid you didn't like me much on our original tribe but talking to you on the first nights call I liked you. I thought you were an interesting person and had his life together which is like unrelatable to me

Christine: We never really talked too much which I’m sorry about but it must’ve been fun to come back after playing the other students and mentors season!

Jack: Mentor dad. Gone too soon.

JD: hdhdkdsksknfj so upset when you left. You were the first person that I connected with! East coast buddies! East coast cheers!! Drinks water

Ryan: BEAT YOU AGAIN. JK Andry ilysm. Our 3 year friend/enemy anniversary came and went. But in this game I was paranoid waiting for you to fuck me right up but you were def gone too soon

Christine: My Mo’orea host ❤︎ I wish we could’ve talked more while you were in the game but you’re super nice and I would’ve loved the chance to play with you more.

Jack: You 100% got swapfucked while I was on reflection, sorry I couldn't have helped.

JD: My mentor! I wish that we had more time to work together! Cheers! Drinks water

Ryan: Most people didn't get a chance to talk to you but I did cause we were both night owls! When you were here in the game you were here to fight the masses and I love that. And I love your student too xoxo

Christine: My student!!! When I saw we were gonna be a duo for this season I was so excited cause I knew we were gonna be a force to be reckoned with. You’re an absolute sweetheart and so funny, I was sad to see you go pretty early. I love you so much and I’m sorry I couldn’t have helped you more.

Jack: Never really talked to you, sorry!

JD: I really got nothing to say, I'm sorry. We didn't do anything, we didn't talk, and we didn't work together. I’m pretty sure I was on reflection when you got voted out too so I have no clue why they decided one you. But, cheers? Drinks water

Ryan: We didn't talk too much, which is sad because your social game is fucking amazing. Straight up asking me about tacos before saying hello was a way to my heart.

Christine: COLIN I LEFT FOR ONE ROUND AND EVERYTHING WENT DOWNHILL WHAT THE HECK. God. I’m just kidding obviously, but when I saw you were cast I got so excited because I was so ready for us to do THAT again. It’s always amazing getting the chance to play with you cause you always keep people on their toes and it’s so much fun to watch, this season was no different. You’re incredibly smart and although we never really got to be on the same tribe it was an honor to play with you and I hope you play again someday!

Jack: First merge boot sucks, man, but that vote was HECTIC as fuck so sorry it had to be you.

JD: hfjsksldjdg another vote that I was on reflection for? I think? Maybe? I don't actually remember gosh I'm sorry. I know that this was our third time playing together and we were planning to working together till the end. Everyone on my list of people I wanted to work with... Just kept getting picked off. Sorry boo, cheers. Drinks water

Ryan: aklghalkjdgaj sweet babboo. I owe you a lot and I wanna protect you if I'm ever in a game with you again.

Christine: I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do for you and I just wanna start things out by saying I’m so sorry. I hope I’ll get more of a chance to explain what went down, but at that point in time I knew I needed to flip and it was never anything personal against you. You did amazing on editing that music video and it was nice to get the chance to meet you!

Jack: I'm gonna be honest I don't know if we like ever talked so rip

JD: Your vote I remember, it was a rough one for me. I really didn't know what to do because I wanted to work with Ryan but I wanted to work with Quill too. In the end Ryan's argument won out and I was so in the dark after coming back I just went with the best argument. Was nothing against you though, cheers. Drinks water

Ryan: my skype mood for weeks was you talking about fucking me up over furbys. I found out via Quilynn yelling at Dani and I that you thought I was bullying you. My POV is just us fighting over game stuff and you calling me out for lying pre-merge to you and me stumbling upon my words. I look back at how we left things and I hope you know I was just trying to be funny at the end of our convo and I thought personally wise we were good akfalgjsgs i'm really sorry

Christine: Danielle oh my gosh...I think you were the definition of robbed in this game. The round you left was insane and to see you go the way you did was so sad. I’m glad at least in this game we were able to work together and I wish you all the best of luck heading into the Mo’orea finale!

Jack: DONT SELF VOTE NEXT TIME YOU DIED TOO EARLY BECAUSE OF IT ;;

JD: I mean, I can't say much about that vote other then wer’e both dumb. Cheers to self voting drinks water

Ryan: My almost fiancé, friend of years. Can't wait to fuck it up with a couple of escorts (literally) in Florida in just 17 days!!! Seeing you in this game was honestly like... oh shit we gonna do this huh. We haven't really played together since we met in BRAWL years ago )WWE2 does NOT count) and I can never hide how close I am with you cause ilysm.

Christine: Ahhh Willow! I heard so many good things about you, especially from Johnny, and after getting the chance to play with you I can see why. You were so incredibly sweet and yet so strategic. You were a strong player and a super nice person and I’m sorry things went down the way they did.

Jack: You were always nice to me, so I feel bad constantly voting against you. Sorry ;;

JD: We didn't talk much at the start of this game and it's a shame too because after the infection challenge we started talking more. I wonder what would have happened in the game if I have started working with you guys instead of staying with Ryan. Cheers to the possibilities. Drinks water

Ryan: QUEEN. I hope skule is going good!!! I thought other than Danielle that you and me were gonna turn this game on it's head. You lying to me on call for a straight hour and you sounding so genuine made me realise I've never met a better player than you and even after fucking me RIGHT up I still loved you. I hope you don't hate me!

Christine: Lowkey you were a little unpredictable for me, I never knew what to expect but it was always fun talking with you! I hope classes are going well and everything and that we can talk again soon. :)

Jack: Cursed by Dani... we never really talked but you seemed cool!

JD: I mean, you gotta start making up your mind kid. We wanted to work together but you were just always so indecisive that I found it really hard to talk about anything game resulted with you. Cheers to sorting out the Nick/Nicholas confusion though. Drinks water

Ryan:

https://prnt.sc/ghqnh9 https://prnt.sc/gi0tmojk

imo you were a big player this season. I could NEVER read you, especially at merge. When you voted for me the first time I wasn't even sure if it was you. I never knew where u were voting or who you trusted most and it scared me. You were one of the most inch resting people here.

Christine: Ugh, Gage I’m still a little aggravated about what went down. I was really excited to have the chance to play with you again, despite the nightmare that PI was, but when we started talking I was really hoping we could go far. You were definitely one of the smartest players here which was exciting to see and even funner to strategize with. Everything I talked to you about was genuine and when that vote turned out the way it did I was beyond upset. On the bright side of things, thank you so much for everything and I hope we can talk more once things are over.

Jack: Paranoia got the best of me that vote, sorry man. :(

JD: I'm actually happy to say that this was... Probably my only good move in this game, even if it was going against the people I was working with but I was worried that you were gonna take my place with at the final and I couldn’t have that. Cheers to being a threat to my shity game. Drinks water

Ryan:

when i saw u in this game i was so fucking happy because i literally followed all your seasons in tumblr survivor after Tasmania. Even when u were on that shitty raro pepe tribe. i was hoping you'd remember me! you did so much for me in this game and you deserved so much better.

Christine: Jackson! You were definitely an interesting player this season. I always enjoyed our conversations and I was so excited to potentially work with you and Ryan and then...we pretty much did the opposite and flipped sides which was a little ironic. You were always nice no matter what situation was handed your way and you were always pretty straightforward to me which I appreciated. I hope you enjoyed your first ORG and I really do hope to see you play again!

Jack: Early game I wanted a Jack/Jackson alliance. Never panned out. Oh well!

JD: I mean, who turns on their mentor? I don't know, it just shook me to the core. Students and mentors should have been f2 material but I suppose, cheers to playing your game, not the games game… Not Steffens game? Even though it is his game… Imma just drink. Drinks water

Ryan:

Honestly I want to write an essay rn about how much I love you from our conversations all season. I was so lucky to get you as a student from when we picked from those short anonymous intros. I wanted to play this game with you so bad, especially since you were one of the few (if not the only) who's only played no or close to no survivor games. i WISH you wanted to play with me come merge. It was hard voting you out knowing it was between us and i didn't wanna lay down and die.

Christine: Part of me doesn’t even know where to begin with you honestly, you tried to idol me out, I tried to idol you out, it was a real trip. At the beginning of this game I figured we were going to be a strong duo and when things went the way they did I knew I couldn’t risk it and I’m sorry if I ever came across as rude to you or anything because I feel like we both got pretty heated and you didn’t deserve that. All in all you were a fierce competitor and made this game insane and so much fun. You’re somebody who always stands their ground which I honestly admire about you. It was an honor to get the chance to play with you.

Jack: Never did I think we'd ever work together, let alone would I be disappointed that you were idoled out, but both ended up happening!

JD: I mean, you had it. If Christine hasn't of have the legacy advantage I'm sure this would be a much different f4. I'm hurt that I was the only one that you didn't wish good luck but at the same time, I did lie to you a couple of times in this game so I deserve it. Me and you formed up on day one and after the tribe swap and chatting with Ryan I was hoping the three of us could have worked something out. However, everyone I wanted to work with kept getting voted out, so I didn't bring it up. Probably a huge mistake. But you did amazing. Cheers for just doing you and owning it. Drinks water

Ryan:

i WISH we were allies. I feel like out of anyone in the cast you had the most in common with me. I'm not shook that a power had to be played to get you out cause you were a dominating player. Any time you were kicked down you scratched your way to the top.

Christine: Well aren’t you full of surprises? That legacy advantage had me shook but that just shows how amazing of a player you are. You were always understanding and sweet and you went out fighting until the very last second which is something I seriously respect. It seemed like we always had a little game of cat and mouse happening, always congratulating each other after every other move, and with that being said I’m glad we got to play together and that we got to work together again, even for the slightest bit. I hope your feeling a bit better from the last time we talked and thank you for such a fun experience ❤︎

Jack: Deserved better. One of the sweetest people I've ever played with.

JD: this game has been a weird mess and I have literally been playing catch up at ever round. I really enjoyed taking to you I think we have had the most non-game conversations out of anyway, for me anyway. It's too bad that the things that happened early in the game had to have such and impact on the rest of the game. Cheers to a good dessert! Drinks water, wishing it was cake

Ryan: you had me fucking SHOOK until the minute you were here. you having all these powers and keeping them a secret and waiting until the perfect moment to play them always had me freaking tf out and scrambling 5 minutes before tribals. You coming to me before merge and initiating conversation that felt so genuine that after 5 minutes i knew liked you a lot. we had so many common allies at merge that i felt sad that we were on opposite sides all game after the first vote.

#mentalgiant

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missenden · 7 years ago

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1.7.12 8:05pm

Half the year has gone already ??? What ??? How ???

This has probably been the best few months I’ve had in a long while. Granted, they weren’t without their difficulty, but I think there were less meltdowns and bad periods than usual? It can be hard to tell in hindsight, but I’m happy anyway. It’s been a good time and I’m sad to see the semester end…

There are so many things to cover – gonna list them out here so I don’t forget to write about anything. Uni (academics and new friends), piano, fic, boxing, quitting SYO, what else? I think that’s it for now.

I haven’t updated for legit like 3 months so this is probably going to take fkn forever. But here goes. So uni has been a bit of a rollercoaster – my first midsems for econ (maths and micro) were god awful. I didn’t think it was possible to do as badly as I did in maths, a solid 4/25 and barely a pass in micro with 15/25. It hit me hard – I wasn’t super confident going into them, but no-one expects to do quite that badly, and to be honest I’m used to working hard and getting the results. I probably should’ve seen it coming. The practice tests weren’t going great and I was probably too confident going in. But yeah. It was a real reality check. Are you as smart as you think, Alyssa? Never. So after about a week of just crying and being real upset at Don (the shittiest lecturer I think I’ve ever had; he wouldn’t give me marks because he was ‘too annoyed’ that I’d gotten so many things wrong previously’, laughs at people in class, tells people to quit their jobs to study for maths…yeah. I know I’ll probably look back on this and laugh at how trivial it is, but man during semester it was annoying.) life had to move on and I had to move on with it. Julia came to Sydney in the midsemester break which was pretty great (it was real nice to hang out with her again and relax!) and then I began to work my ass off for my law assignments before starting to prep for the next econ midsems.

To be honest, I pretty much gave up 2-3 weeks of my life working for law and econ…but it’s not like I didn’t really enjoy it. I really enjoyed working with Tom and then eventually with Soo as well on the contracts assignment, even with the long hours cooped up in my room, poring over casebooks and PDF judgments online (control F has never been more useful I think). There was something about being so absorbed into the knowledge and being so dedicated to something that was just so great – most people would hate it, but I’m glad I don’t. Even working on CCP wasn’t terrible ! Those assignments worked out great; 25/30 for contracts (the top mark was 26), and 16.5/20 for CCP (I think I might have been close to topping!). I never thought I’d see the day where I did that well in law, and that those marks would ever be better than econ lol. But I was mostly glad that everything worked out the way it did – I think it would’ve killed me if I hadn’t done well after so much work. Anyway, hopefully those results can save me from the horror of exams…I’m glad I have at least something of a buffer.

And econ…econ was something special. I have never worked on anything as hard as I did for that maths exam, and to an extent the micro paper as well. All I did was eat, sleep, mandi and study for a two week period – I’m very lucky that I was living in college and that my friends were always around me, because otherwise I probably could’ve become a real hermit. I think it was about then that I really started to fall in love with the maths a little bit lol. There’s this satisfaction that I got out of it that I’d never gotten before. But yeah. After two crazy weeks, I did the papers and scored damn well – went from 16% in maths to 84%, and 60 in micro to 75. By some insane coincidence I’m now exactly on a pass for maths – hopefully it’s enough to carry me into honours next year. I was just so desperate to prove to myself and everyone around me that I could do this, and that I wasn’t an idiot. And I’m glad I did – it’s one hell of a story to tell at job interviews at any rate. But that feeling of success when I first got the maths mark back was absolutely phenomenal. I remember it really vividly – I was waiting out on the street waiting for uber eats when Connor texted the group chat saying that maths marks were up. My nerves were astronomical, but when I saw that number…man. That feeling was something else. All the hard work had been well worth it just for that moment. The feeling is absolutely amazing; I just hope that I’ll be able to experience it again when the exam marks come back.

So yeah – that’s the academics. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. Hopefully I can deliver in exams too, and get through with decent looking grades.

There was another great outcome of the second set of midsems – I met this amazing group of friends who do economics at uni. They’re all so welcoming and wonderful and genuine !! I just wish I could’ve met them sooner. For most of the semester since then, I’ve been seeing them every now and again which has been really great – hopefully I can get closer to them next sem. I even got invited to their end of semester stuff – Wednesday night was really great <3 They are all so great. Fingers crossed I can keep hanging out with them.

Along with this group has come some boy stuff lol. Which I’m just so bad at dealing with it’s almost funny. So basically, I think this guy is probably/maybe/I think keen, and I thought I was too, but honestly now I don’t know. Part of it is remnants of all the Lynden stuff – I can’t shake this feeling that getting into a relationship means giving up my independence and losing a part of myself. And then I think the other part is I don’t know if he’s quite the right guy – it sounds shallow, but appearance is definitely a factor, and then also idk I’m worried that if things go pear shaped I won’t be able to be friends with everyone anymore. Idk, I’m just not sure. Tom keeps laughing at my indecision but honestly it’s so bad lol. And I don’t know why I keep pushing people away – is it a self defence mechanism or something? It’s very unhelpful lol and only serves to make things difficult. I haven’t quite worked this one out, but hopefully I will at some point?

On to the next thing – piano. So I’ve been playing casually all semester and really enjoying it! I think not having the pressure to play super well all the time and to just have fun is really great, but is also a little restrictive in terms of progress. At the moment I’m playing a lot of music from the movie Amelie and also Goodbye Lenin, as well as some Studio Ghibli stuff. For some reason it feels a lot better than playing violin, which I haven’t been doing too much of lately – I think a break is probably a good thing, but it also feels sad to let it go. I haven’t even applied for AYO this year, which just feels so strange. Also, I quit SYO – weirdly they never emailed me back or anything, and that doesn’t feel great, but yeah. Idk. It feels like I’m just letting go of so many things in my life which is strange – I’m so used to being committed to a million and one things, and it’s weird to just enjoy doing stuff for the sake of it how most people do, in the way of hobbies. It’ll definitely take some time to adjust to it, but hopefully I’ll get there at some point.

But actually, one thing I have picked up this semester is boxing, and it’s been bloody great. I struggled so much last year to let go of karate and try something new, but somehow I’ve managed to do it this year and I honestly feel as if I’m learning so much. Learning boxing has been a radically different experience to karate – the environment is much more full on, fast paced and intense, which to be honest is a good thing for me I think. My fitness has improved markedly, I’m more toned and feel good. The only thing I wished was a bit better is that individuals don’t get all that much attention, but you can’t win everything I suppose. But hell, I’m really enjoying it – might even be doing a fight in October, though the prospect is a little nerve-wracking. Will probably be doing a kata competition in August as well for karate, so that’ll be interesting !

This semester has really been great. I feel so much more settled in Sydney, my friendships feel much more secure and I finally feel like things are falling into place. I know I take a long time to settle in to places, but I really didn’t anticipate it taking this long lol, but I’m glad that it’s happening at all. It’s nice to feel like some kind of equilibrium has been hit, and that it’s a bit different but a bit the same as what it is at home. Also, it’s great to not be constantly missing home all the time – of course I miss family, friends and Perth itself, but it’s no longer at the front of my mind constantly and stressing me out. Not really looking forward to all the changes that next semester will bring though; everyone is going on exchange and Hintze 3 is going to be weirdly different after the break. And man the bloody room drama – at least Jesse is moving up, but I wish Charlotte was too, but also there was the whole beef with Will and blergh it’s just been annoying.

Speaking of that drama – one of the changes this sem is that I’m not as close to Will as I was before. We kinda grew apart, in part from me getting tired of having him hover all the time wanting to talk about Perth and music, and I don’t think he’s all too happy about it – he apparently things ‘I’ve changed’. But like what else is to be expected? People change and grow up, and normally friendships change to reflect that…I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’m just glad that he won’t be moving to Hintze. The whole room drama just felt very childish…

I think that’s it from me for the moment – Jesse’s just wandered in asking me to chill. Kathryn’s leaving tomorrow so should probably go hang out – things are going to be so weird next sem without her and everyone else ! But yeah. Will try and update soon.

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theperksofbeingawallflwer-blog · 8 years ago

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IDK WHAT THIS IS BUT ITS SUPER CUTE AND GAY. SHOULD I WRITE MORE???

Hannah opens a window, her move from the stove to the window quick and effortless. As if she's done this a million times. As if she's almost burned down the house by trying to cook dinner a million times. She can't get the window open, so I drop the water I was spraying over the fire and rush over to her, using all my strength to lift the glass up. The smoke was almost suffocating and the breath of air that came from opening that window felt better than water on the hottest day of summer. Hannah, who can't cook, has this look of shame on her face. She's small and she's wrapping her arms around herself to feel smaller. She feels like she's failed. Well, she has, but it's not the end of the world. Her failures are small and do not define her. I've never told her this. I'm too scared to. She leans again the sink and I, the person who is shit at expressing emotion, walks over to her and bend down so that I can see her face. I moving from side to side, bending down so that my face is right in front of her face, I'm making silly faces and trying to get her to stop looking like she's about to cry. And she does. But once she does, a smile breaks out onto her face. She's laughing while tears are rolling down her cheeks. I bend down once more and place my lips on hers. She unfolds her arms and wipes her face with her hands. I tell her it's okay. I clean up her mess while she calls in our pizza order. Burnt rice and beans are scraped into the garbage, along with some burnt chicken. The smoke is still everywhere in the kitchen, so we leave the window open. It's cold and dark outside, but the window overlooks our back garden, which is lit up with Christmas lights Hannah bought specifically for that reason. It's January and freezing, but the cold air coming in feels amazing. "I'm sorry for burning dinner," Hannah says softly, her eyes red and her hair pulled back into a poof ball. Her dark skin is shiny with fresh tears as she grabs the towel in the sink and turns on the water, about to start washing dishes. She cleans when she's upset. "Don't apologize," I tell her, hopping up onto the counter next to the sink. "It's okay." "You always say that," she says. I know an eye roll came with that comment. So I roll my own eyes. "Because it's true," I tell her. "I can't cook," she says as she angrily starts scrubbing at a stain on one of the bowls in the sink. "So what?" I shrug. "I can't sing. Or dance. Or draw. You can't be good at everything, Han." "You don't hate me?" "Why would I hate you?" She doesn't answer. I don't say anything else on the topic. I watch her as she continues to clean every dish carefully. She hates using he dishwasher, so she washes every dish by hand. I let her do what she wants because she's more comfortable in her element. I don't argue with her. Hannah isn't crying anymore when she's finished. She closes the window (without my help this time), and walks into the living room. I stay in the kitchen, on the counter. I stare at the sponge she used to clean one of the pans she used tonight. There's a spot of blood on it. Scrubbing too hard. I turn it over onto the other side. I let out a sigh, my eyes moving down to my feet as they kick back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. I met Hannah when I was fourteen. We hated each other. She was the smart black girl who everyone loved and I was weird, tall, Asian-American girl who would dye her hair all the time. Hannah wanted to be my friend because she saw how lonely I was in class and at lunch. She said she didn't feel sorry for me (well maybe a little), she said she thought I was cool. She's always wanted to dye her hair, but mom would say no. She would invite me to her house to hang out and I would invite her to my house to hang out and to my soccer games. We were an odd pair. People would ask why she would ever be friends with me. She would flip them off. Some people had the nerve to ask me to get answers from Hannah for tests and give the answers to them. I'd flip them off. Freshman year was odd. We spent less time together. She found some new friends. She joined some after school clubs. She rarely came to my track meets or soccer games. I understood, though. She was really busy. She had school activities she had to worry about for college and she had to study for classes and she had family stuff too. It was okay because she would text me and ask how things were and she would constantly apologize about not being able to see me as much. But the times we did to get to see each other, we had a blast. We'd sit in my garage and stare at my mom's old disco ball as we sat it on the ground in front of us. We'd watch it spin on and on forever, we'd sometimes dance with no music. There was always ice cream in her freezer. We lived for it. We'd sometimes nap together or she would accidentally fall asleep and I'd watch her. I told myself it wasn't weird because my mom said she would watch me sleep sometimes. She said it was because she loved me and she loved watching me sleep. I loved Hannah and I loved to watch her sleep. She looked peaceful. Sophomore year, things got even more odd. Hannah fell into a group of really smart people and jocks. I fell into theatre somehow. I stopped sports and started drama club. It was so weird. My parents were the most confused, but they went along with it because it was something I wanted to do. I loved drama. Choosing it was the best decision I made. I rarely saw Hannah and when I did, it was while we were walking past each other in the hallways. She slowly stopped texting me and we eventually stopped hanging out. I made some more friends. And I even made one that I called my best friend until junior year. Blythe. We were practically glued together. She had the nicest, softest, ginger hair. She loved almost everything I loved and we would go to the movies on the weekends and get milkshakes sometimes and study our lines for plays at each other's houses. She was also my first kiss. The first one I came out to. The kiss was something we both agreed to never talk about again. It was accidental. We were both kind of tipsy from drinking her parent's alcohol and we didn't know better. Accept, I did. I wasn't that drunk at all. I loved the kiss. She didn't. I realized then, I liked girls. I really really liked girls. And I really really liked Blythe. She didn't like me that way, though. But I came out to her a few months after the kiss. She was fine with it. She was happy about it, actually. I was in love with Blythe. Junior year, Blythe got a boyfriend. We drifted apart because of a boy. And she kind of cut me off for no reason. Or maybe she had a reason, but she never told me. Junior year was also when I quit drama and focused more on school work and my job at the library. I got a girlfriend that year, too. Mars. She had long, dark hair with piercing blue eyes and a smile anyone could see from above earth. I fell for her fast. I lost my virginity to her. We were close for the first three months. She made me happy. I don't know if I made her happy. She started complaining about me. She said I was too indecisive and not focused on her enough. She complained about my music, saying it was too heavy. She laughed about my weight sometimes, saying I was too skinny. But she will made me happy. When she smiled, it would make my day. When we kiss, it would make my entire week. But I didn't like it when she made me have sex with her and got mad when I didn't want to. I didn't like it when she would leave me at parties to hang out somewhere else with her friends. I didn't like the fact that when she left me, sobbing alone in my room, she took a huge chunk of me with her. I lost myself in Mars. Senior year was when Hannah started talking to me again. Life was moving too fast because it was the last year of high school and I had to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Hannah knew. She got accepted into so many good colleges and got so many amazing scholarships. She told me to not worry because I was the smartest girl she knew and knew that without a doubt, I'd something amazing with my life. I got a new job at a diner and on breaks, Hannah would come and see me and we'd talk over burgers and shakes. We caught up with each other. Hannah had a lot of shit going on at home. Her parents got divorced. She was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD. She told me she attempted suicide twice and that she almost failed junior year. She told me how hard it was without me and how she wanted to reach out to me, but she couldn't. I told her I was sorry and I was so fucking close to breaking down because of what she told me. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. But I didn't. I don't cry in front of people. I told her about me liking girls and quitting sports and joining drama club and quitting that and my first girlfriend and Blythe and my grandma moving in with us. We had started hanging out more too. Whenever we got the chance. And I was invited to her birthday party. The party where we had our first kiss. The kiss that hanged everything. It was a dare but we knew it was more than that. If felt like more than that. So the days to follow, we talked about it and we decided that we liked it. We liked kissing each other. She liked holding my hand. We didn't have a label and we didn't need one. She had started figuring out her sexuality by the time we got around to prom and graduation. But she asked me to prom anyways. And our parents knew and flipped out, but in a great way. They were thrilled about us. But we weren't official until after graduation. When summer started and we were somewhere in town, drinking soda and eating cookies, I asked her to be my girlfriend. When I met Hannah, I was lost. But being with her made me feel like I wasn't. I've known her for so long and I know her better than I know myself. She knows me better than she knows anyone else. I love her more than anything and she's the most important part of my life. Seeing her upset isn't fun. I've never been the best at expressing my feelings, but I try. When she's sad and I'm her moods, I hold her and try to make her laugh. When she's hurt herself, I don't know what to do. I sit and let everything sink in for me because it scares me. But I hold her and help her take care of her wounds. I make sure she takes her medicine. I make sure she's okay. She does the same for me. Hannah isn't just my best friend and girlfriend. She's my everything. I wish I knew how to tell her that. I let my gaze travel back to the sponge and I pick it up, turning back over to the side with the spot of blood. I grab it and jump off the counter, throwing the sponge away. I walk into the living room where she's sat on the couch, watching something on TV. I sit down next to her. I grab her hand and kiss it, slowly turning it over to see where she's hurt herself. It's not bad. But I kiss it a million times. "It's okay if you fucked up dinner," I tell her. "We all fuck up." She looks over at me and kisses my lips. When the pizza gets here, I pay. And we eat in silence, watching some reality TV show. When we're done, I put the left over pizza in the fridge and we sit together on the couch a little bit longer. "I'm tired," she says quietly. "We should get drunk." I laugh at her, but I know full well that she's serious. But she says things like this all the time. "You need to sleep," I tell her, pulling her closer to me. "Let's get drunk and dance to shitty music," she says again. "I don't wanna go to sleep." "You'll feel better if you go to sleep." She doesn't answer. When I look over at her ten minutes later, she's asleep. I carry her to bed like my dad used to when I would fall asleep on the couch. I kiss her forehead and I lie down down next to her, I don't fall asleep, though.

#gayyyyyy #girls love girls #Dodie inspired me #this shit is cute as fuck #gay blurb #sick of losing soulmates

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