#but I’m just scared rn and I want to post where I know someone will read coz it does make me feel bit better tbh

[fanofcarson]

Ngl I’m boarding on a crisis and I have to go to work where I may or may not continue to spiral but can’t do anything about it and it’s terrifying but it’s only me and manager so I feel too guilty to just take a break every time this happens plus it won’t help anyway I don’t need a break I need to be knocked unconscious where the horrors can’t get me 😢 I’m just venting to feel better coz that’s all I feel I can do rn but dw

[lemonynuggets]

suddenly got very emotional over nice anon asks. You said something that made me happy. You were very polite and told me you think I’m cool. You said you wanted to be friends. I’ll never know who you are.

[soundlessdreamss]

Lovely Riddance p2

link to part one here

the first post got a lot of attention so I finally decided to work on the second part. Lol.

Also I am sick rn so I’m trying to do all my requests, but they are still open if you’d like to request something!

Y!Alastor x reader x Y!Lucifer

If you ask me why I put the seal there, I honestly don’t know.

After you and Alastor had left the hotel he teleported the both of you to the hotel. It kinda scared you since you forgot he could teleport for a moment. He already made a reservation so it wasn’t that long of a wait. (The hostess was afraid of Alastor though since he has quite a reputation)

A waiter quickly brought the menu and gave you guys a couple minutes to find out what you’d like to order. When Alastor already picked his order you were still wondering what to order, so he looked around and he couldn’t help but notice at the corner of his eye, that someone was watching the both of you. He didn’t know who was stalking the both of you but he had a suspicion it was Lucifer.

Lucifer didn’t think that Alastor didn’t notice how he treated you when Lucifer first visited. He saw how Lucifer looked at you, how he spoke to you, and his aura around you.

So if Lucifer really was the one who is stalking the both of you right now, Alastor had to play his cards just right in order to manipulate you, and piss off Lucifer.

Once you finally picked what you wanted to order, Alastor called over the waiter and placed in both of your orders. During the time you both were waiting for your food you couldn’t help but realize how touchy and romantic he became.

He started brushing his hand on yours, pointing out your lovely features, what good taste you have in fashion, basically anything that would help him woo you.

Lucifer watching from a window was enraged, how did Alastor think he could just do that to you? He understands that you two haven’t met in a long time but you didn’t forget the bond you too had, did you?

He protected during your time in hell because he knew you were already there, and he couldn’t have you getting hurt now could he? (He was basically stalking you the entire time you were in hell.)

Seeing how Alastor treated you made him want to kill Alastor on the spot, but he worried that if he did you would see him as a monster. So he just had to wait a bit to cover up Alastor’s death as a disappearance. It would make sense anyways, since Alastor had left for 7 years prior.

Alastor was trying different ways to woo you, and it was working. You felt your face heat up a bit during times where he brushed his hand on yours, pulled away some hair strands from your hair, and when he gave you tons of compliments.

He kept doing this until both of your orders came and you guys took a small break to eat what you ordered.

Once you guys finished you meals he paid for it and then took you somewhere that he said was “special”. (Lucifer followed behind you guys without you knowing)

He took you somewhere beautiful and led to you a bench to sit down with him and admire the scene. His plan was working. Now the last thing he needed to do was to propose his deal to you.

“My dear, [y/n] you should probably know how I feel about you by now. Especially after all those hints I gave you. So may I ask you of a favor?”

That was very unexpected for you to hear from Alastor, but it “made your heart race. “What favor would you like to ask from me?”

“I would like to propose a deal for you dear. Yes I’d own your soul, but in a way you’d technically own mine as well. What I’m saying is that we’d both be at each others beck and call.” He then offered his hand to you. “So do we have a deal?”

This was a deal that was hard to resist, the idea of it made your heart sink but also squeal with joy. Did that mean he like wanted to be yours officially?

You found yourself almost about to shake his hand to confirm the deal, but before you could someone interrupted.

“DON’T SHAKE HIS FUCKING HAND!”

….

PART THREE COMING SOON.

TAGLIST: @slimeygirlowo @pooplyface1423 @fabii275 @killer-nightmare0 @caniseethefourthsword @myluckymoon

[z0mb1epuzzy]

okok so i just found your blog and lemme tell you ive been eating it UPPP

how would you feel abt josh or maybe chris? (rlly any of the men tbh) with a s/o who has nipple piercings?

i feel like josh would be sooo into it when he found out/when you first got them done. he wouldve def been so so so supportive if you wanted to get them done during the relationship. hed love the sensitivity after theyve finally healed, lowkey would sit there admiring them for a hot while just looking and fiddling with them(i headcannon josh as a tits/thighs man gonna be honest)

more smutty imagine, his s/o is bouncing on his lap, and your tits are just so perfect, and he just cant resist himself anymore, hes gotta know how they feel on his tongue. he takes one of your nipples in his mouth and just rolls his tongue over the piercing, mapping out the feel with his tongue carefully. hed be so content i fear.

chris would be shy about it, like, "oh wow, those mustve hurt pretty bad, huh?", not drawing too much attention to it at first, but eventually, maybe youre sat on his lap, grinding your hips against his, youre both sensitive and heated, panting, and chris has been admiring the way the balls of the peircing really perk up your nipple, and after a particularly rough stroke of your hips against his clothed hard-on, his large hands grip your hips or ass, digging into the flesh and he leans down, taking your nipple between his lips in an attempt to cover his loud whimper. after all, with you riding his hips, youre just elevated enough where your tits are right there, at a conveniently perfect level to his mouth.

someone save me my goddd 🙀

anon thank you for leaving this wonderful little gift in my inbox holy shit

warning 4 this one! afab reader potentially implied!??

josh:

i totally agree that josh is a tits man, but honestly - he just loves any curves… ass? tits? thighs?? and they’re not on his face rn?? 🤨

he’d totally love nipple piercings… man’s a FREAAK!! first time he sees them he’s like 🧿🧿.. absolutely baffled!??! during intimacy he’d love them too, teasing them with his lips or fingers just to hear you whine and shudder like hello!?!😵‍💫

also to elaborate on your thought… he’d definitely give them some special attention if you’re riding him, i mean… they’re LITERALLY right there.. and he’s a strong man, but not that strong… it would definitely satisfy that little part of his brain that wants to analyze and commit all of your little reactions to memory… running his thumbs over them, maybe a lil pinch, kisses, sucking on them, y’know.. the works. he wants to know what makes you moan for him the most!!

as for chris… oh boy..

he’s a lot more flustered by them, AND more hesitant to mess with them.. his eyes getting all wide when he sees them for the first time..like? BAFFLED.. “oh, wow… uh.. man, did those hurt?” and like.. obviously yeah, so he’s a little scared to fuck with them? BUT once he knows they’re healed and in fact don’t hurt anymore… oh lord!!!

he loves having you in his lap CANON! his face getting all flushed while you grind down on him, him touching ur piercings just to hopefully mess you up like you’re doing to him… he’s sensitive!! he doesn’t wanna cum first :( and ur tits look so pretty with the bars through them, making ur nipples look extra perked up, ?!yknow!?

chris def has a secret oral fixation.. i have no reason or explanation… my brain is saying its true so i’m sharing it with the masses!!! he needs to he doing something with his mouth, especially when he’s close 😵‍💫 so he’d love to wrap his lips around your nipples just to hear you whine for him like… UGHH!!

i hope i fulfilled your expectations anon!! praying this is good or else….. (idk nothing will happen i’m just dramatic)

another note, i typed this shit like 3 days ago and it went to DRAFTS. INSTEAD OF POSTING.

thx bbg @ghouleaterr 4 giving me motivation once again…

[vamp4kaulitz]

Bill k. X Reader w/ Thunder thighs? HC pls,or imagine whatever you want really (DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED,YOU NEED SLEEP,YOU NEED TO EAT,AND MAKE SURE YOU READ ENOUGH FANFIC)

BILL KAULITZ X GN! READER W THUNDER THIGHS HCS

pairing: bill kaulitz x gn! reader

hika🕷️:: TYSMM FOR THE REQUEST MLLL!! I will make sure I’m taking care of myself, I love you smm💞!! sorry i haven’t been posting- i lowk dont know what to write😢. lol it’s 2am rn. psa 6/21; yes i am black and im aware i wrote this on Juneteenth.

SFW

i feel like bill is a thigh guy and he would LOVE your thighs sm. i mean he would always have this hands on your thighs, he would just be the touchy lil guy he is.

he’d definitely help rub coconut oil on them<3 this man loves helping you out, especially because he loves feeling your soft skin.

if you feel insecure about them, he would reassure you and kiss all over them. bill would kiss and nip at your thighs, whispering praises.

if you ever decided to get rid of them by working out, he’d be a bit but he would always be there to support you(such a good boyfriend)

would DEFINITELY use your legs as pillows. bill would stuff his face between your things 24/7. if not, he would rub and kiss them without a care in the world.

if someone points out your thighs in a negative way, best believe this man is THROWING HANDS!! how could someone talk about his precious baby like that? especially in front of him? hes not letting any insult go unheard.

“the fuck did you just say? why don’t you mind your own fucking business and leave them alone!” he shouted at them loudly, not caring who looks.

“say one more fucking thing and i will knock your teeth out.” he spat and grabbed your hand and walked away<33

if you ever ranted on how you hate your thighs, he’d be right by your side, listening to you. he would comfort you no matter what.

“i just hate my things, they are so annoying..!” you sobbed out and bill hugged you tightly.

“im sorry you feel that way baby. your unique, always remember that okay?”

NSFW (skip if uncomfortable)

oh gosh where can I even start? he would leave all types of hickeys all over them.

while eating you out, he would push them apart and squeeze them while he worked his way with you, demanding you to not close your legs.

“keep these beautiful legs spread for me, liebe.”

oh my gosh SIT ON HIS FACE PLSS. he downright begs for it, not caring if he seems desperate, that’s because he is.

“please please please schatz i want you to sit on my face!!” he whined as he begged and begged.

“but my thighs bill- what if they squish you or run out of breath?” you pouted. he didn’t care if he couldn’t breath after.

after some convincing you’d give in. he was like a happy kid who’s parent got them what they wanted from the store.

“fine fine fine! ill sit on your face, you happy?” you groaned and he smiled so widely. “i promsieee it’ll feel so good!” he said excitedly.

you didn’t put your full weight on him because you were scared of squishing him with your thighs. you lowered yourself on him, but not fully.

“i said, put your full weight on me.” he said and gripped your thighs and pushed you down on his face. you moaned loudly as his tongue skillfully moved against you, his tongue piercing feeling so so good.

You came so hard that you could’ve sworn you saw stars. You pulled off his face and he wiped his mouth and smirked.

“told ya you’d like it.” he teased and you rolled your eyes playfully.

hika🕷️:: i wrote this in one sitting goodbye..also requests are finally open sooo send me your horny stuff you lil goobers!! remember NOT to cross my rules!!

[earlycuntsets]

A healthy and reasonable criticism of the mcr archive that i’m 0% scared to share. I didn’t sign and NDA and i’m a free woman.

I will express my criticisms with both their practice and their pr.

this is my opinion and how I received them. if you want to turn this around on me, may you remember that I'm not the one responsible for the mcr archive. i'm a fan and they're a professional organization not god or jesus or anything like that.

practice: 

how can I view and appreciate the mcr archives work?

We have their mission statement

“My Chemical Romance community project whose goal is to collect & catalog MCR content for future posterity.”

linktree where you can see what they're sharing rn.

and what does the mcr archive so actively do? they share

2. sometimes a time sensitive drop box of files (from their link tree. files you dare not share, even if you credit them.)

3. barely (and sometimes just not) sourced social media posts that are kind of.. no different than what anyone else might share in terms of sourcing. the photos however seem to be really high quality versions of photos we’ve seen before and definitely some ones relatively no one has seen. They told me that’s because they pitch in to buy from photo agencies. and what the mcr archive posts is always excellent but it’s not everyone else’s problem you can’t find the info. I’ve dug up sources for ya’lls posts before when it takes two seconds to do. the places where you can add info, should have info. You should message other smart people in a group chat or something “hey can you look into this show for me, I can’t find the dang photographer” wheres the evidence of practice.

so It was an event/show. At the show there was a photographer. Look at their stupid haircuts, find out what 3 months in 2005 it was, check setlist fm etc

when I asked who took the pictures they told me “that infos actually not out there, we got it from a photo agency” who better than a f'n photo agency to know who took the picture I do not understand... you should have more info as a result

3. a mostly dead link list that credits back to themselves sometimes. seriously check it out you can’t do anything except the youtubes.

4. when they post a video, they haven't credited the yt a lot of the time. because they don't credit properly what ends up happening is they post and we're to believe the source is the mcr archive. which yeah no (credit where credit is due to them but sometimes you see it in funny places)

5. They informed me that they don’t check tumblr to see if the photos have been posted they just queue it when the time comes. It would save them a lot of time to reblog from someone.

maybe one of the amazing accounts that catalogue (thats what we’ll say to avoid eternal damnation) mcr extensively. Maybe all those blogs could be friends of the archive and we could all look forward to being reblogged by the great mcr archive

honestly they should reblog everything callmeblakes ever posted bc that shit is mcr history and archiving to me. just an opinion. in fact if you wanna know what I expect from the mcr archive, go to blakes blog.

6. It’s easy to have new mcr when everyone's falling all over themselves ready to give you their new mcr pics/video. But when there’s not it’s just this half effort mcr account It doesn’t do justice to those bits and pieces in between. The things that need to be saved still.

7. side note: I would like to credit the mcr archive as a bit of the inspiration for my website. I wanted to hoard everything and be excited about mcr. I needed the old important stuff I used to bleach my eyes with. So when I saw “the mcr archive” I was so excited to see well…

the archive????

I thought surely I wasn’t going to the right site. I thought for sure there was a “mcr archive” url, not a link tree, that would have all of this referenced content right? So fans can see the whole thing? no. Its always a limited time dropbox. That's why all the links are dead now. You can only get to what they have posted on instagram or tumblr.

The idea and concept and general execution of the mcr archive is good. it just seems they have fallen asleep on their laurels. And for the band I love, it should be better kept. Their content is excellent of course. photo agency quality scans.

For it being the “definitive mcr archive” I guess I just wanted more structure, more transparency and info and links where they apply. everything could be more accessible. it just seems to be run by not many people and they'd benefit from a larger team.

this is my personal critique that is 100% allowed to exist.

PR

I was recently messaged by an mcr archive member. their identity is protected but I will associate "mcr archive" to them because that's who they represent when they message fans about archival business.

(I’ve recently had some discourse with them that i'm sharing. they are the owner of an archive within the mcr archive (oo lala) -- from which I took and credited 20 of their files)

below my defense to their claims. I don't like being misunderstood.

they say in the first sentence it was on my site uncredited. bull. the files that belonged to them were labelled. I had their contributors doc in every folder that even had their files.

but that's not enough for them to be civil? that's not enough to simply ask for your 20 files to be removed from a my chemical romance fan site.. huh

they then give themselves away as anon (which they denied) by using the same vocab. I "lifted" their files. who even says that. in their og anon ask, they say the same thing followed by a lot of hot air about how i'm apparently doing a shit job and only they understand hard work. i'm a lot but i'm not stupid.

then here we go with I "copied their whole archive into mine". that didn't happen. I had 20 files and she assumed I took her wayback screenshots. bc how could I possibly have the capacity to take my own. they described taking these screenshots as an obscene amount of work btw. so much COMPLAINING. you should be grateful to do it. they also say the screenshots they took might not be on wayback machine anymore. sure bud.

it was brought to my attention that them saying they want the convo private is telling as well. they should be salespeople for mcr of the utmost transparency i'm sorry. you are public figures that don't treat mcr fans with respect and to try to make them feel small.

then they call me unprofessional.

Interesting that they message me calling me “unprofessional” when I am just a regular mcr blog/site owner. I never claimed to be perfect, or the end all be all mcr curator. I’m not the one affiliated with the mcr archive. If the mcr archive has a problem with my site they can make their own and do it their way. I’m not burger king. next.

then they talk about feeling undermined. the irony.

then they say I lack “community awareness” when they want all the credit for everything. that's the message you send when you don’t credit the photographers or youtube accounts. (no link ever) Its like “idk doesn’t matter look I posted it” which is fine when you’re a regular mcr fan but when you claim to be the most official mcr archive account, you are held to a higher standard in this fanbase.

and this is all before I even responded. they don't know me and they're literally scolding me. ok hotshot.

then I got defensive and tried to express to them that i'm not as dumb as they seem to think I am. I didn't do the things I was being accused of. I was honest about how I felt. it was hard to respond to all that because it was these weird different attacks on my intelligence from a person i've never spoken to before.

then them and their mcr achive friend sending fucked up anon asks calling me a piece of shit among other things. those mcr archive accounts could not figure out how to get a life that night. some random mcr archive fan is so mad to call me a piece of shit bc I got mad at mcr archive is what i'm to believe. it was them. they try to gatekeep this fandom that way ig. what does it for me is the complaining and acting like they built the pyramids.

it's not my fault it was hard work for you to do your awesome job request to remove and be business about it. it was like .04% of my website I don't care.

I took their stuff off, I put their site at the top of my sources on ec. I wanted this to be over. so I was professional and did as they asked. I was not half as rude as they were in their initial message. and then they say "why are you continuing to undermine me?"

like i'm sorry are you beyonce??

so they say i'm "duplicating work" and I need to slow down my process to avoid future errors. I am so clear about errors and fixing them and having no problem listening to people that are right. I am reasonable but how they came at me was bonkers. duplicating? I steal everything on there I own 0. cept the dvds ig. if me posting old show pics on a flicker from 2011 is duplicating work. sure idgaf. this history needs exposure.

I’m just a blog like everyone else that posts things that mean something to them. My website isn’t worth much more than a reference. It is a place that points to other places. This blog is the same. I’ve never pretended to own anything. ever. 

then they say just because their whole archive is literally drag and drop easy to download doesn't mean my site is worth more than their archive.

why are you comparing my site to an official mcr archive period?

They don't want to be brief as indicated in their essay of a first message. they want to argue with me about a few things. because I didn't bend over backwards and kiss their ass seven different ways to sunday, after they came at me wrong, they think I am undermining their work.

according their messages, my archive is illegitimate because I don’t ask permission when my content is 2002-2012 old sites. I have never asked permission and never did anything to hide that. anyone of the 9287432 people who have their material on my site can ask to have it removed. I just link to the original source and credit. Just interesting because: how do they have permission to use the photos if they can’t even tell us who took them. 

I have tried to talk to them during the founding of my website. I sent them messages and asked questions and they don't speak to the public. community this community that. I did @ a member in march when I used and credited her whole of 20 files. I removed it because they didn't respond to it for 3 months and stopped thinking about it. I figured she would talk to me like a grown up one day request to remove sometime if she wanted it down. guess that was too much to ask.

what this message tells me is that I can’t possibly understand the work they do, it’s too specialized and complicated. Apparently lmao I misunderstand them and only they know the true meaning of putting together info and data entry.

And i’m sorry I said taking a picture or scanning something isn’t hard work. I just got tired of all their hot air. I’m sorry but It’s all about them and their precious stuff and taking pictures/scans of it. it’s like mcr influencers that post paid for pictures and they dress really cool but I can't help but think about how I would be in their shoes, how lucky so many people would feel to be a part of the mcr archive. and their lack of gratitude stinks to high hell.

And for the record, It’s the attitude for me

All they had to do was request to remove like any other human would.

I really needed to say my piece and now i’m letting this go. :) reactions be damned.

[svechnikovvv]

happy birthday

trevor zegras x fem!reader

a/n: in honor of z’s birthday today, i wanted to post this 🫶🏻

masterlist: here

y/n.insta

liked by trevorzegras and 969,034 others

y/n.insta happy 22nd birthday to the bestest boyfriend in the world. you’re my favorite swiftie & you never fail to bring a smile to my face. there’s more i could say, but let’s keep it simple. i love you zegralicious <3

(👤: trevorzegras)

view comments

trevorzegras why did you post that first photo?

y/n.insta i’m reminding you of your roots 🥱

trevorzegras you’re not funny

y/n.insta i will take back my happy birthday, my i love you AND i’ll archive this post. i don’t see any of your little boyfriends posting you 🙄

trevorzegras don’t bring the boys into this

y/n.insta just did, what are you gonna do about it?

trevorzegras report your account multiple times

y/n.insta you, me, kroger parking lot. 5pm

jamie.drysdale mom, i’m scared

y/n.insta go back to bed, sweetie. your father and i are having an adult discussion

jackhughes zegralicious?

y/n.insta it’s like fergalicious, but better

user1 it’s confirmed, y/n is the better parent

user2 i love how they all play along

user3 ZEGRALICIOUS DEFINITION MAKE THEM BOYS GO LOCO

liked by y/n.insta

_quinnhughes i’m gonna need you to send me that first photo

y/n.insta check your messages, huggy

_quinnhughes you’re the best 🙏

y/n.insta just doing god’s work 💁‍♀️

_quinnhughes like ariana grande said, “god is a woman”

y/n.insta damn right, and her name is ellen hughes

jackhughes real

y/n.insta adam sandler, what’re you doing here? 😧

jackhughes you can’t keep saying that everytime someone shows up somewhere

y/n.insta sigh, you’re taking away my paddles to my curiosity voyage

jackhughes no wonder you and z are on the verge of divorce 🙄

y/n.insta and this is why cole was trevor’s best man 🥱

lhughes_06 i just know he’s blasting 22 by taylor right now

y/n.insta this is the third time he’s played it. i’m about to que we are never getting back together

lhughes_06 you should que never gonna give you up

y/n.insta …genius

jamie.drysdale always knew he was a fake duck 👎

y/n.insta you got your amazing intuition from me 😌

jamie.drysdale thanks mom?

user4 i love the ganging up on z moment we’re witnessing

user5 fake duck ‼️

masonmctavish23 22 years ago today, a 🐐 was born

y/n.insta that explains why he’s not potty-trained yet

trevorzegras i’m taking jamie from you y/n.insta

y/n.insta you. wouldn’t. dare

trevorzegras wanna bet?

masonmctavish23 oh no.. what did i start

jackhughes the custody battle of ‘23

_quinnhughes blind leading the blind

_alexturcotte this is an amazing post

y/n.insta thank you, turcs. at least someone appreciates it

colecaufield tell my husband i’ll be home from war in a few hours

y/n.insta trevorzegras you’re cheating on me now?? 😧

trevorzegras cat’s out of the bag now, surprise?

y/n.insta i’m feeling very ricky bobby betrayed rn

anaheimducks happy birthday z! 🧡

y/n.insta (trevor typing here) thank you!

trevorzegras on a real note though, thank you baby <3

y/n.insta you’re welcome my love

user6 i’m glad to say i lived to witness the custody battle of ‘23

jackhughes

liked by y/n.insta and 978,894 others

jackhughes happy birthday zegrasi. live it up man 🧡

(👤: trevorzegras)

view comments

trevorzegras not you too, hughesy (but thank you)

jackhughes i had to 🤷‍♀️

trevorzegras did y/n make you do this?

jackhughes i would never give in to conformity 😧

y/n.insta what a loser that trevor zegras is

trevorzegras i hope you think the couch is comfy, because that’s where you’ll be sleeping tonight. you made your bed, now lie in it

y/n.insta i feel like i’m in salem with that threat

colecaufield two 🐐 in one picture

y/n.insta run while you can, caufield

colecaufield hello???

user7 FETUS ZEGRAS

user8 y/n’s comments are what fuel me

user9 so true

_quinnhughes is this an anti-z club?

y/n.insta yes and i’m the ceo. julie is my sponsor. mama zegras for the win 😎

trevorzegras and to think i gave you all that praise, quintin

_quinnhughes nobody told you to do that

y/n.insta when do you start _quinnhughes ?

_quinnhughes today

_alexturcotte favorite duo 🤝

liked by jackhughes

njdevils happy birthday to our favorite duck! ❤️

trevorzegras thank you!

user10 i love that first picture

lhughes_06 by the end of the day, that first picture is going to be engraved in my brain

jackhughes let it consume you

lhughes_06 what??

colecaufield

liked by y/n.insta and 965,032 others

colecaufield happy birthday zeg2nasty 🧡

(👤: trevorzegras)

view comments

trevorzegras WHY IS EVERYONE POSTING THAT PICTURE??

y/n.insta it’s a zegras cult and i’m the ring leader

trevorzegras you terrify me.

y/n.insta you signed up for this

jackhughes just a couple of boys

liked by colecaufield

y/n.insta you’re a godsend for this

colecaufield can i join the club now too?

y/n.insta what‘s your availability?

colecaufield yes

y/n.insta welcome to the club!

user11 so everyone’s just gonna post that picture?

user12 oh yes kids, i remember the zegras cult of ‘23

user13 i love y/n’s friendship with all of them

user14 i wonder which friend will post next

_alexturcotte the good ole days

colecaufield now we’re old and decrepit

_quinnhughes when y/n starts something… it spreads

y/n.insta you make me sound like a disease

trevorzegras because you are

y/n.insta go back to where you came from

jamie.drysdale

liked by y/n.insta and 897,043 others

jamie.drysdale happy birthday z! i hope it’s a good one 🧡

(👤: trevorzegras)

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trevorzegras STOP POSTING THIS PICTURE. I’M BLOCKING ALL OF YOU AND TAKING YOU OFF MY CLOSE-FRIENDS

y/n.insta ah, i’m so scared

trevorzegras i hope you get cholera

y/n.insta stub your toe, zegras

trevorzegras i’m kicking you out my room. you can go room with jamie now

y/n.insta i’m a delight, i’ll have you know

jamie.drysdale they’re typing this whole conversation while sitting next to each other on the couch with straight faces

trevorzegras nobody likes a tattletale, jimbo

y/n.insta ONE OF US

jackhughes ONE OF US

colecaufield ONE OF US

user15 these posts just keep getting better and better

user16 can we talk about how good they both look in that second picture though?

user17 yes.

masonmctavish23 jimbo’s finally joined the zeg train

jamie.drysdale it was either now or later

anaheimducks that first picture is golden

liked by jamie.drysdale

colecaufield jamie is the better duck (confirmed)

trevorzegras after all i’ve done for you?

colecaufield sorry not sorry

jackhughes he’s never going to forgive us for this

jamie.drysdale oh definitely not

y/n.insta the grudge is already forming

trevorzegras formed*

y/n.insta welcome to the club, jamie!

jamie.drysdale wow, it truly is an honor to be here today. i’d like to thank my mom y/n for telling me to never give up and that someday i’d achieve my dreams.

y/n.insta so proud of you son 🫶🏻

user18 i’m scared for what y/n’s gonna post for the others’ birthdays

trevorzegras i’m starting a gofundme to free me from these shackles. #freeZ

tags: @goldenbrokenheart @liquidflyer @woodruff-edwards @hockeyboysarehot @ajbird2010 @hughesx3 @iheartzegras @theywantedplayer @k1ttyt3ar @jackhughesily @fratboyzegras @marauderzkinnie @babydollmarauders @akengii @livs-garden @nowandkei @starsandhughes @jackhues

[yuri-is-online]

Sorry if this ask makes absolutely no sense I just need you to know the absolute emotion I feel because of this Ayuu.

I need you to know just . how close to tears I am . I just reread your Azul meeting his Yutu and I am. IM CRYING. THE “Your daddy’s here” IS TAKING ME OUT AND SHOOTING ME DEAD . IM GENUINELY TEARING UP. I think I’ve read every part so far twice over, barring the Yuu specific ones cause they Hurt Me. Speaking of hurt, Deuce!Yutu and Riddle!Yutu hurt me so so bad . All of the Yutus do, but they’re the ones that just came to mind rn and it’s so so sad. Especially Riddle! Yutu because he hates his dad :( Idek why I might’ve blocked out why LMAO,,, I love all the Heartslabyul characters and their kids it makes me cry. Especially Trey. He’s such a weirdly domestic freak that the idea of him being denied the family life he’s always been content with is so so sad. ALL OF THEM . THEY MAKE ME SO SAD BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE WITH YUU!! They want to be with Yuu, and most of them are obviously happy to have a kid, but to know that that’s been taken away from you by circumstances that are literally destroying the world you live and love in? Yeah. That’s Rough!!

I would love to see Jamil!Yutu and how Jamil reacts to his child feeling guilt for something he never did, was never responsible for, and again has to suffer through because of the family theirs has been forced to serve. I think he’d be so mad, so so mad this boy has grown up thinking he’s the biggest blight of his father’s life, the cause of his death, when in reality he’s probably someone Original Timeline! Jamil would have cherished.

I LOVE YOU RUGGIE BUCCHI!!! Sorry I needed to cry that out this made me love him so much more!!! And Rook!! I love you Rook Hunt you weirdo. Ruggie being like “Idrk what to do… but I can bug Leona about it” is so so real. Him not caring if his son is charismatic as long as he knows his cards and is able to survive. Rook as a phantom is genuinely breaking my heart idk why. All of the phantoms break my heart. I don’t want to imagine anything abt them if I do because if I imagine them having even a fraction of sentience I’m heartbroken. Imagine being unable to prevent something from possessing you. Imagine your body and soul being used to tear your home apart— imagine seeing any of that through your own eyes. Imagine seeing your own kid after years of thinking them missing. I would genuinely not be able to handle that. It’s giving the Last of Us zombies where they’re completely aware and conscious throughout the first phase. Scared . Heartbroken .

Anyways, this au is 100000/10 I need you to know this. YOUR MIND IS SO SO BRILLIANT!!! I’m probably gonna keep rereading everything you’ve written so far about it because I’m having so many brain worms . So so many. Sorry for this ramble!! Please ignore this ask if for any reason I might have said something you didn’t like >:]]]] I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR!!!!

;-; ty so much for your kind words anon I am injecting them into my veins to continue writing. You have said nothing wrong, rambles are nice to receive, though my ask box is a bit cluttered at the moment and I am super busy so getting to things in a timely manner is not something I am able to do.

Riddle! Yutu was the first one to get a post, and I am tempted to re do it as I was still figuring out the format. He hates his dad because he wasn't there for him when he was a child and he doesn't know why. In the good timeline he's something of a daddy's boy; he really wants Riddle to be proud of and praise him

After I finish editing the second part of Rook's post you will be pleased to know the next post is about Jamil. I'm still formulating the outline of it because I've been thinking some thoughts about stars and unique magics

The way I write the phantoms they posses the instincts of their former selves but the individual lacks the input you might associate with consciousness. I'll get more into it in the second half of Rook's post... but there is a degree of awareness of their actions.

There's a lot of tragedy in this ayuu, I'm glad I'm hitting my stride with it c: it's nice to know people are liking it

[romanarose]

Puzzle Pieces Drabbles: part 2

Ben Miller x Fem!Reader

Fic Summary: You're dating Tom, a whirlwind romance that came at a low point in your life. Within months, you live with him and he's not as nice as he was in the begining. Tom does things that upset you, Benny finds a way to make it better.

Chapter Summary: Tom won't come look at your tomatoes. Based on a tumblr post I cant find.

Warnings: IDK what to call this but it's def shitty behavior throughout. Will progressively get worse during the series but let's start with this. Drinking. Someone not appriciating your excitment.

A/N: This will be a short series of comfort drabbles where Tom does something shitty and Ben makes it better. No smut. I'm at a low point rn and just want softness.

This is my submission for Triple Frontier Write-a-Thon !!! come join in the fun and follow @triplefrontier-anniversary to find more fics!!!

************************

“TOM!!!!!” You scramble up from your garden patch to where you were tending to your plants, standing to see Tom and Ben drinking on the porch.

Tom turns, looking worried. “What? What happened?!”

“My tomato’s bloomed!!!” You say with a wide grin, giddy with excitement.

He relaxes. “Oh my god. Is that it? Woman, you scared the shit out of me.” He went back to his grilling.

Your shoulder slump a little. “Sorry… I was just excited…” You point to your garden. “It’s just… the tomatoes!!!” Ben is watching curiously, but he doesn’t say anything.

Tom flips a burger. “Uh huh. That’s nice honey.”

Ben asks a question now. “The tomatoes?”

Muttering, Tom explains with a wave of his hand. “She was trying to get the tomatoes to grow forever.”

“So will you please come see them?” You try to get him to come over, but he just looks over the railing.

“Uh-huh, they look great.” 

Your hands drop to your side. “Tom, you can’t even see them.”

“They look… so cool” Is he… laughing? He’s laughing at you. You don’t turn to look at Ben, you couldn’t bear to see him laughing at you too. So, you simply go back to your garden, tending to the weeds, trying to immerse yourself in the classical music you heard helps plants grow. You don’t even hear him walk up to you at the garden bed.

“Oh!” Your startle when Benny kneels down next to you, getting in the dirt with you.

“Shit, sorry.” Ben chuckles, his floppy dirty blonde hair falling in his eyes. You wonder if he ever had an emo phase. “I wanted to see the tomatoes”

You roll your eyes but laugh. “You don’t want to see my tiny green tomatoes.”

He is completely sincere, blue eyes shining in the summer sun as he smiles. He has a pretty smile. “I do, actually.” You ignore the flutter in your chest.

So, you show them to him, Benny sounding very impressed as he looks. He tells you how his therapist wanted him to try getting plants to have something to take care of, briefly mentioning that he feels like he was always the one being cared for. He chuckles when he says ‘guess I’m not responsible enough to keep a succulent alive’, but you can feel the truth behind his words. You offer to help him if he wants to try again. Benny lights up at that.

You want to know what he’s in therapy for, why he feels like he’s not responsible enough for a plant, you want to know so much more about him… but you don’t ask. Ben isn’t your boyfriend, Tom is. You loved Tom, you were going to marry Tom. Ben… Ben was just a nice bonus, right?

***************

Remember, if they dont care about the things you care about, they arent the one!!! someon will care <3

follow @romana-updates for more!!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction@itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @missdictatorme @rubyfruitjungle @axshadows @pimosworld @casa-boiardi

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

pit babe ep 7 stray thoughts

- way made him feel undeserving of love….

- so jeff is like that cause he’s plagued by visions..

- ok now i get the peteway posts. oh ways pathetic nature and whiny bitch demeanor have captivated pete body and soul

- oh way might be my little meow meow of the show

- oh god oh fuck i might be a peteway boy

- kim needs to kiss winner to shut him up

- omg person who hurt protagonist was antagonist pikachu surprise face

- scream this is so dramatic. the scheming it’s all coming together (also peep kentakim this is for you le trash prince)

- ok so this is where we find out tony wants to sell babe for bitching

- AH CHARLIES THERE THE DRAMA

- do they know charlie’s powers also who WAIT IS THIS A NUTHPHOP BALLADnvm just sounded like ambivalent thoughts

- way seems happy i don’t trust this. is he about to break

- oh he is oh no it’s babe. oh i think someone’s gonna ugly cry it can go either way at this point. babe sweeeeep

- oh… maybe i don’t want this babe babe nooooooo nooooooo. oh he’s gonna close his heart off to other people now isn’t he oh fuck noooooooo SOMEONE STOP HIS THOUGHT LROCESS PPLEASE

- i don’t understand ways face here i need subtitles but for facial expressions

- oh poor puppy

- does anyone know if they make the music in house

- this ep might be my fav so far….

- is way an omega y’all

- there’s been a shift in babe…. i can’t explain it but something changed in the last 20 min

- babe being an easy cryer is so important to me actually

- ooo surveillance being a theme again lets goooo

- SCREAM CHARLIE BACKSTORY AND MOTIVSTION OH GOD ITS HAPOENING EVERYBODY STAY CALM STAY FUCKING CALM

- charlie trauma enthusiasts let’s gooooo

- tony is so fucking evil i hope charlie rips his face off

- how wild would it be if winner was an enigma. like he’s not but could you imagine

- actually i need kenta to rip tony’s face off

- does charlie know about his power. does anyone

- babe looking like a wet feral cat i need to lie down

- SCREAM HE JUST FLAT OUT TELLS BABE LIKE THAY?!,!?!?! like i’d be scared to get punched like ???? it’s wild he just flat out says i took your power like wow i thought he’d lie at least a little

- these flashbacks can never be happy can they… always gotta leave you horny and destroyed

- charlie being like “don’t worry i can fix this. if you want i can just kill myself” like broooooo

- scream do you think charlie woke up one day like “damn he smells fine today” skejdjfjejrjr

- “can mama not break up with papa 🥺” “ 😒😑😩 fine”

- honestly i get babe if someone took away my sensory issues id still fuck them. much more enthusiastically then before probably. i get him now liking kissing too like this makes perfect sense to me

- oh way….. oh god this pathetic man nothing can go right for him ever ima creaming

- i also get babe because charlie is so cute id fold immediately like so what you stole my super powers look at your cutie patootie self how could i stay mad

- oh here we go car sex scene- are they talking about booty holes rn is this happening on my screen… good for them

- oh way… i’m so sorry my baby boy im so sorry… honestly he’s stronger than me i would’ve been throwing shit THE BOUQUET

- ok so are the only ones with special powers jeff babe and charlie (and way ??)

- NORTHSONIC these absolute clowns. does he not understand adoption i love him. nosrthdaonic aenwwvehtjrngn l. what are these two talking about. way omega confirmation ????

- sonic get your boy on a leash his poor impulse control and lack of common sense is staggering

- kim kinda right like let him cook oh ew fuck tony for that too

well what an ep

[nickwildelvr]

This was from forever ago but I want to post something Lotf really bad but I’m not motivated enough to draw anything new so this is jackadoo and rodfert when they saw the naval officer🤭

I LOVED THE WAY THE KIDS REACTED IN THE BOOK. And I so badly wanted to see THEIR reaction the most. They sorta showed Jacks but they didn’t talk about Roger specifically which I really wanted to know the canon way he would react but I honestly feel like his first thought was just “shit bro I’m gonna get in so much trouble 💀💀” while Jack who’s next to him is going through an entire mental crisis at the ripe age of 12 😭😭

I so badly wish that there was at least SOMETHING about the aftermath after the point where it ends in the book bc what fuels my obsession the most is all the things that would happen to the boys after all of that. What would happen with Roger? He literally murdered a kid. And Jack too although I don’t really believe Simons death was his doing in particular I think the boys would most likely blame him for it if anything. Would they even tell anyone abt the stuff that happened on the island?. Would they be scared into silence??? Would someone crack under pressure and tell someone about it?!?! HOW IS RALPH GOING TO DEAL WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT EVERYONE HE KNOWS INCLUDING HIMSELF CAN GET TO THAT POINT OF INSANITY. How many of them are going to be admitted into a psych ward. I need to know. If any of u have aftermath hcs abt what happened to all the boys afterwards GIVE THEM TO ME RN I DONT CARE THIS WHOLE TOPIC IS SO INTERESTING TO ME I WANNA KNOW WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK!!!!

anyways yes I hc that the boy Ralph stabbed just before sprinting off from his bush was Roger. Why?? Because I just want Roger to have more scenes duhh⁉️

Anyways sorry for that rant but this will forever be my favorite topic of discussion. This book is crazy tragic fr

[risingscorchingsuns]

okay okay i got one more and i'm lowkey terrified of the answer because they're so hnnnghn to me iykwim but i need your thoughts on uzusane right now

OOOHHH now THIS is a rarepair!!!!!!

definitely not a conventional relationship but tbh??? I kind of see it??????? there’s a couple ways i can see this going down depending on where the timeline is. during their hashira days, uzui would probably see Sanemi’s general… *gestures vaguely at all of him* as charming and would flirt relentlessly with him. sanemi being sanemi would be furious at first and they would have kind of a vaguely golden retriever x angry feral cat vibe??? off the top of my head I don’t quite have the words for it but i definitely see it. Sanemi wouldn’t quite know how to handle Tengen’s flashiness being directed at him and I think he’d have a hilarious combination of fury and flustered

they’re an interesting combination because of Tengen’s forwardness. When he wants someone he’s not subtle about it, whereas I think Sanemi would just get really angry at himself for being attracted to this flashy asshole. I can definitely see Tengen flirting loudly and Sanemi being furious to flustered to eventual reciprocation as he learns to trust and tbh? im kinda living for it

If Sanemi experiences romantic attraction at all, he does so like a feral dog. Scared, all teeth and claws and raised hackles at first, because he’s never known love without eventual pain. I think Tengen’s forwardness and openness about love would be really foundational for Sanemi- especially if it’s directed at him. Tengen would teach him that it’s okay to love out loud, but more importantly, it’s okay to trust in doing so, and the very act of it wont guarantee that he’ll lose it.

Post-Hashira is where this concept gets really interesting to me. They both have intense grief regarding sibling loss, and more than a little bit of personal blame to boot. Without any demons to channel their grief and anger towards, they would have to learn to lean on each other. They would become more gentle, less rough around the edges as they learn to share their burdens. Tengen would take Sanemi to the grave of his siblings, and Sanemi would tell him about his own. They would mourn the grave where Genya should be together. They both blame themselves for the deaths of their siblings, but together, they would help the other learn to carry it. Nothing can bring back Genya, or the rest of the Uzui clan. But they can share that grief now, and that makes it a little less painful.

Wow okay I can see why you’re insane about this I’m just straight stream-of-consciousness-ing my thoughts right now and im going a little bit feral the more I think about it. Holy shit this is an underrated pairing. I have no idea if my thoughts on it make any sense I am overcaffeinated and extremely tired rn, but I see your vision and you’re real for it.

I think Sanemi would get along with Makio also. His potential dynamic with the wives is very cute.

[polyamorouspunk]

Curious what your thoughts are on ppl being "obligate" polyam?

I ask because I've been debating if maybe I might be because I feel so in love with my gf rn, but... I still feel like I'm missing something. Like. She feels like a single flavor of food that I like. But, as much as I do I couldn't live off of just that one thing yk?

It scares me though, because she's explicitly monogamous, so I can't really go out and explore and try it out to see if it's for me without losing her. I don't really know what to do. Or how much longer I should stay still feeling like this. Or if I should just dismiss it as baseless anxiety and just let myself enjoy being with her.

I'm so scared to break her heart.

And like, how can I do this? How can I seriously be considering losing her just to try something I don't even know if I need or will even like.

It feels wrong, I love her this is stupid. But I just can't seem to dismiss it. I mean, I'm literally typing this in the middle of a New Years Eve party because I just can't get it out of my head.

I think what you’re calling “obligate” polyam is what I call “inherently” polyam, where, it’s like, I WILL fall in love or at least crush on other people and want to date them at the same time no matter what, it’s not a choice it’s just how I feel.

I started this blog as an outlet for my anger issues which I now realize probably stem from my bpd and just to talk about polyamory- correct the RAMPANT misinformation people were spreading, but also, to talk about the stuff no one else seemed to talk about. I’m really lucky that my polyam mutuals post about all the wonderful things about polyamory- the love, the amazing partners, the memes, etc. But that left me needing a space to talk about what I felt the most- shame.

I came out at 17 as polyam and it was awful. I was terrified I was going to lose my partner over it. I was filled with this awful feeling of being a horrible person for not “loving my partner enough” and so worried they were going to see it as them “not being good enough for me”. I mean I was seriously broken up about it.

But my partner took it in stride. We made it work. But I still felt this deep shame that ended up leading me to decide to be monogamous just for them after a while.

I even started dating my now-again-gf while dating my primary partner at the time, and although she literally dated me while I was dating someone else and quite literally knows I run this blog, I still haven’t re-brought-up the fact that I’m polyam, and that’s 100% hanging over my head, especially with how infatuated I am with someone else right now, though we’ve talked about that a little.

I’m really lucky I have people like @eevyerndracaneon and the people in my polyam discord server to talk openly about the shame and guilt that I still to this day feel about being polyam despite running one of the biggest polyamory blogs on this website.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s that monogamous people can be a lot more open-minded than you’d expect. I’ve never actually dated anyone polyam. All of my partners have been monogamous. And all of my monogamous partners have been fine with me dating other people while also dating them.

And a few years ago, my brother came out as polyam! And it was even harder for him than coming out as gay! And once again I was lucky enough to ride on the tailwind of him coming out first as the older one and also come out as polyam. Even my best friend and I have talked about dating and having an open relationship in the past.

It’s funny, and wild, how many polyamorous people you’ll meet out in the open once you come out too. My first semester in college, I was sitting in front of two older trans guys when I heard them talking about polyamory, and shyly I turned around and asked if they were polyam and they said yes, and they were the first polyam people I had met (that I know of).

Just a few months ago I was at a concert and sat next to a group of 3 people that were all really touchy and flirty, and since they were all really obvious about it I just asked if they were all dating and they explained their polycule to me and I was just like… me! That’s me! Me too! And they were SO happy to meet me back!

A lot of the other polyam blogs on here will tell you the same thing: it’s unrealistic to expect one person to fill every single want and need you have, and can put a lot of pressure on that person to do things they maybe aren’t comfortable with.

It’s not as unusual and shameful as you might think. It’s really all about conquering that inner polyphobia, which can be really hard, and is a process. Hell, I’m 24 now, and run this majorly successful polyam blog, and I’m STILL in my discord server like “guys idk how to tell my gf I’m polyam… again… uh… imma just not rn”.

Only you can decide what the best course of action for you is. I know I’ve lived fine with choosing monogamy and feeling like I’m missing out on some of my wants/needs as a sacrifice for a wholesome relationship I wanted to keep. A compromise, if you will. I also know that not coming out to my partner as polyam was eating me up inside at the time. And that when they did end our relationship and I was able to be with someone else I did realize things I was missing from that relationship and how GOOD it was to finally have those things.

Be optimistic. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, really, it’s that there’s more of us out there than you think, even if we go by different names, but also that monogamous people really can be open-minded and willing to share a partner.

[monkeytrick]

ausuweiueuiwqiu12

Sorry I pretty much only make posts like this rn and thnaks to everyone who reads them this is like. So much. But I’ve been freaking out so much lately bc I’m in a much better albeit temporary living situation than I’ve ever been in but I feel like I’m like. Genuinely way too depressed and scared to actually do anything since getting here. Which like I guess I can sorta defend bc I’m recovering from previous situation but I also kinda just feel like it’s how I’d be behaving regardless ☹️I got hired for a job at least but I’ve spent like every day I’ve been here essentially jsut pacing around and then getting really drunk and/or high to avoid thinking about any of the shit I actually need to do and then going to sleep at like 5 am. And I feel so much worse about it bc everyone here actually has been really kind and helpful about trying to help me get things on track but I feel like I’m just unable to do anything I need to do unless I have someone watching and helping me the entire time and I don’t want to put anyone in that position. I am basically like not speaking to anyone at all rn except for the people I live with and a select few internet friends and I have so much shit piling up on here and from people I knew irl in Wisconsin that I just haven’t answered at all. Ptsd symptoms have been getting worse since I first got kicked out and a little before I left for here I was regularly having days where I’d get like genuinely triggered in the most clinical sense from things I can’t really remove from my life and it would lead to me freaking the fuck out and fear vomiting and beyond that I’ve been so stressed that I just can’t eat anything at all without throwing up a lot of the time. I tried looking up if that particularly could be related to ptsd and I found so many people being like ‘yeah that’s a symptom I get it just never went away ever and I lost 80 pounds’ which scared me so fucking bad — I have some solace bc I don’t think it’ll be like that for me, since I got here it’s been like. Ebbing and flowing and I’ve had some days like that but some days where I’m like insanely fucking ravenous for no reason. Which makes me hope so fucking bad it’ll eventually go away but vomiting or getting nauseous being my response to so many things is making me so upset bc i already have really fucked up teeth and I know it’s damaging them so much more I am incredibly close to reaching the point where my upper teeth are just straight up all going to be actively rotting which I feel so disgusting and ashamed of talking about but I don’t know what I can even do to prevent it at this point unless I just full on get dentures or something. I know they’re like. Very obviously snd visibly fucked and I think people are generally polite about it but I feel like it impacts every interaction I have with people irl and all this happening is making me so much more insane and insecure about it. I had multiple really awful ptsd scary days consecutively like immediately after getting here which like, I kind of was prepared for bc I know it can actually get worse when you’re in a safer place but I didn’t expect it to hit so hard so fast and I’m afraid of it continuing to get worse. I’m literally like. In a better place than I have been since I was a small child basically and a MUCH better place than I was immediately before coming here and I’m trying really hard to remind myself of that but it’s so hard to like register anything at all other than being like fuck I need to die they need to kill me etc. I hope so bad I can take the steps to just like get my life together and hopefully get medicated for shit but it just feels so hard for now to exist and be alive at all I wish they could put me in a tube that would give me nutrients or something man

[sommerregenjuniluft]

Need to know what fix ur talking abt in the tags of that corruption post… for a friend ofc

ok so i sent so many voice messages back and forth with elio and i’m listening to them rn and trying to summerize. it’s not a fic yet, more of a vague idea but basically i need you to think full on devotion & loyalty. like no bounds, no limits, just All fucking In.

evan is the leader/heir of a syndicate (mafia/yakuza/crime family whatever) and barty is his feral right hand man aka the guard dog. i’m quoting myself now from the voicenotes: to me barty—even though he shouldn’t or probably actually doesn’t like being controlled (evan will always be the exception)—always carries this devoting/serving energy with himself. in canon he’s like one of the smartest fucking characters we know yet he still chooses to use that to serve riddle. ofc he is getting back at his father like this so there is def some self motivation but it’s mostly For Someone Else. and he’s definitely wreaking the most chaos and having the most fun he can have !BUT it’s always within a line. the line of not being caught, fulfilling his tasks, executing the plan -> serving his master. he’s not stepping a foot outside of it if it means jeopardizing what his devoted is going for, even if he’s dancing on it like a drunken ballerina. and when they first meet barty is lost. he’s feral, he’s fighting tooth and nail to get himself out of the scenarios his big ass can never leave it at good enough mouth is getting him into and he always gets away with it but boy does he get himself roughed up in the process, like he has zero self-preservation. when evan sees him like that he knows he’ll die sooner or later because one day he’ll miscalculate and the injuries he scores won’t be cured by retreating and licking his wounds. he’s in search of a capable, skilled right hand man that has no issues butchering someone to pieces and making them piss scared. someone as clever, amoral and insane like barty and evan knows all it takes is a guiding hand aka an owner. evan to me is a master manipulator: charming, threatening, intimidating, powerful, impossible to see through, (near) unshakable. he’s the heir of a noble family, he’s literally born to rule. he’s a crazy good dueller in canon, doesn’t back down from any challenge. -> insanely capable, incredible leader material. he knows barty will need training and in the fic barty will definitely fuck up to the point where evan will have to discipline him even over points he doesn’t want to reach (because he obv starts developing possessive/protective feelings over barty as well) but he’ll have to actually hurt him because it’s what needs to be done. and he’ll 100% be there in the aftermath to pick up the pieces, no questions asked. taking an example here i told elio that barty disrespects an other syndicate so evan has to give them one of barty’s fingers to keep the peace. elio responded to this with What if evan can’t do it so barty does it himself?? which. yeah holy fuck dude. that level of devotion just- i cant. they make me insane.

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.