#but I’m also a little. eh. on all the stress there was over the breakup preview and it does actually make a lot of sense

[snickerdoodlles]

as delighted as I was to be clowned, I’m thinking about writing an actual breakup story rn 🤔

[eclecticash22]

🔮 September Month Ahead Reading 🔮

Take a few deep breaths, trying your best to relax with each one. Then take a moment to look over each pile. Follow your intuition and choose the pile you are most drawn to.

*This pick a card got pretty in depth and is longer than usual. I really enjoyed doing this reading and I hope you enjoy it as well!*

Pile One

I see at the beginning of the month, something may have you on edge. Watch out for someone who may try to lie to you, cheat you in some way, or deceive you. Also, be honest with yourself and others. As the month goes on I see a new beginning for you and it is one of happiness and peace. I love the Ace of Pentacles, because for me it is about relief of stresses and worry. I also see forward movement and success coming towards you this month as well. Whatever you are starting, it is sure to work out wonderfully. I see you're ending out the month either receiving help or giving help. You may be reaching out to a family member or friend for help about something or this could be a family member or friend reaching out to you. Either way, be open and honest with communications, as I see you nurturing your emotional health by the end of this month.

So I'm definitely picking up on some major event vibes happening. This major event may not be happening this month (for some of you it could be), however I do think this month is important in leading up to this major event. I see this month that you're really taking charge and planning your next steps. The new beginning that is happening is not only going to feel like it's a relief, but it will also be exciting. You're planning carefully, but having fun in the process. I think for a lot of you, this is a change that involves marriage, moving homes, moving jobs, etc. For some, I do see the possibility of a breakup, but that isn't for many of you. I do see that this is big and it will be something you're committing to. Whatever this is, you're going to be successful, so make sure to take care of yourself and have fun!

Charms: I do see you springing forward this month into something that you're going to be attached to. Whether this is a person, job, place, hobby, etc. I do see you having a fun time. Any time I see the Groot figurine I always hear, "Be your own hero." This month you're stepping up and being your own hero, making things happen for yourself.

Runes: Some of you may be inheriting something this month. There is a new beginning full of prosperity and wonderfulness coming your way. You will be seeing the outcome of your hard work, and it will be good.

Important Letters: X, R, C, Z, S, B, E, L, R, I, N

Important Numbers: 13, 22, 5, 9, 10

Shufflemancy Songs: Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall by Coldplay | Can't Help Falling In Love cover by Twenty One Pilots | Be Alright by Dean Lewis | Eh, Eh by Lady Gaga

Pile 2

At the beginning of the month, I see you being very nurturing towards yourself and others. This could also indicate a person who is being very nurturing towards you at the beginning of the month. Going on into the month, I see you reminiscing and looking back at the past, but not necessarily in a bad way. I feel this is more looking how far you've come and seeing where all the events in your life have taken you. This is realizing where you are now, and being proud of how far you've made it. I also see some change coming your way that is actually quite positive. The death card always represents change, not death- though it can be seen as a metaphorical death. Something is changing and becoming better for you, which leads us to the end of your month. I see at the end of the month, you're going to be abundant and thriving. I see you being happy and prosperous. Remember to express gratitude to the universe and treat yourself kindly this month!

This month I see you may be looking within yourself to make some change in your life. You're looking for the next step, but taking the time out to retreat within and learn more about yourself and what you want. I do see you may possibly be feeling inspired this month and overcoming challenges. I do see you learning a lot this month, not only about yourself, but learning life experience as well. Things are falling into place and they're looking pretty good. There may be some setbacks, possibly with disagreement and/or a disappointment, but the situation will work out for the best. You're going to be successful, and you're going to move forward to better things. Just make sure you're on the right track to what you really want.

Charms: I see this month that you're being careful. You're working towards turning over a new leaf. You're taking control and making your life yours, just be open to and accepting of help when you need it. I also see communication here, which can also be indicated by the eight of wands you got. Someone may be reaching out to you to tell you they love you. Know you are loved. I see this month as positive for you. Music may be important this month.

Runes: You may be receiving some inheritance or realizing a birthright this month. This month I see you as having bravery, energy, courage, and having faith in yourself and the situation. Change is happening. This could be destined. Relocation is possible this month.

Important Letters: B, N, F, C, E, H, A, E

Important Numbers: 13, 4, 12, 18, 16, 19

Shufflemancy Songs: Colors by Halsey | Secret Love Song by Little Mix | The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra | Leave (Get Out) by JoJo

Important Note: The angel number 555 may be important this month.

Pile Three

At the beginning of this month I see you feeling proud of yourself. Feeling proud of where you're at, the work you've done, and who you are. Going on into the month, I see you tapping into the free spirited, spiritual, creative part of yourself. I see you being grounded, feeling calm and peaceful, and really taking care of yourself. You may be feeling creative or adventurous this month as well. I definitely see the arts as being important this month. Possibly painting or crafting, but could be other things such as theater, music, writing, hair, makeup, photography, etc. Finding inspiration will come easy to you this month and you're going to be tapping into that inspiration to express yourself. At the end of this month, I do see that you may be feeling stuck or have the feeling of "one step forward, two steps back." Make sure that if this happens, you reevaluate the path you're on and see if there is another way to get where you are going. You may have drifted off the path you were on, and may be needing to get back on track.

This month, I do think you're feeling creative and expressive. You're taking the time out to focus on your mental and/or emotional health by expressing yourself in ways you find artistic and enjoyable. This may be a necessary break for you, as I do see that there is some stagnant energy here. Remember, take a break when you need to and make sure to take care of yourself. And I see you doing that. You're focusing on you and being your badass, amazing, and absolutely fantastical self. You have hope for the future, as you've seen how far you have come in life. I do see you being successful on getting back on track after this break you're taking. This month, you may be celebrating something with friends or family. These relationships are also important this month. This month is definitely one of expression for you, as you've gotten the Page of Cups twice. I see you letting something go and letting a cycle end. Rather than holding onto things, I see you releasing it. This could be pent up feelings, bottled up emotions, past situations, past relationships, etc. But after you release what's holding you down, you're setting yourself free and allowing yourself to move forward and open up to better things.

Charms: I see a lot of self exploration here. You may be tapping into your emotions and allowing yourself to sort through things you've repressed. Friendship may be important to you this month. You're letting go of attachments and allowing yourself to be free of them. You're bringing yourself to a comfortable place and allowing yourself to venture into new things. The number 4 indicates your angels are with you, helping you prepare for what is to come but also encouraging you to ask for help.

Runes: Creativity is important this month. Connecting to others will be important this month, as well as connecting to the self. Meditation may be helpful this month. Have faith in yourself, your skills, and what you are capable of. Have the bravery to believe in yourself and move forward towards the goals you have.

Important Letters: A, T, W, N, Y, V, P, T, Z, W, Q, P, B

Important Numbers: 19, 3, 22, 1, 5, 19, 17, 8, 10

Shufflemancy Songs: I Never Wanted To Go by Willamette Stone | Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato | Express by Christina Aguilera | Applause by Lady Gaga

***All Groups***

Thank you so much for your time! I really hope the reading resonated for you. Pile 1 and Pile 2 were also pretty similar with some themes. So if you chose one of those piles, please feel free to look at the other one. Thank you again, and I hope you have a lovely day and an incredible month ahead!

DISCLAIMER: This reading is a collective reading. It may not resonate, and if it doesn't that is okay. Take what does resonate and/or choose another pile. This reading is also for entertainment purposes. Any decision you make is your own decision. I am not responsible for any decision you make.

[avvidstarion]

For the album ask game... how about The Black Parade?

oh ABSOLUTELY. i LOVE you. this is all subject to change at the drop of the hat bc im wishy-washy and i love all of these songs anyway so

this got WAY too long so i am putting it under a readmore shhvkldlkdgjlkdsj

not including b-sides:

1. Teenagers- kind of a basic pick i know, BUT, in my defense, the song slaps. it’s such a fun song, especially when you’re singing it at the top of your lungs. the guitar part is super cool too- im trying to learn it rn but it’s a slow process bc im bad at guitar.

2. Mama- what can i say. it fucks. the old time-y feel, the harmonies/background vocals, the layers. the guitar goes so fucking hard. banging lyrics- “you should’ve raised a baby girl, i should have been a better son”??????? songs to be trans to.”but the shit that i’ve done with this fuck of a gun” is the kind of lyric that you can only properly convey if you’re screaming it at the top of your lungs. the whole ending is just. mind blowing

3. The End.- LISTEN!!!!!!!!! the end is WAY TOO FUCKING UNDERRATED!!!! oh my goddd i love it so much. i love it SO much. it’s such a perfect beginning to the song. the lyrics are great (”now come one, come all, to this tragic affair” if you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first hand what it’s like to be me”, “another contusion, my funeral jag. here’s my resignation, i’ll serve it in drag. you’ve got front row seats to the penitence ball, when i grow up, i want to be NOTHING AT ALL!!! SAVE ME!!! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!! SAVE ME!!! TOO YOUNG TO DIE, AND MY DEAR!!! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST WALK AWAY AND TAKE ME!!). the bit with the snapping and the ooooohs is fun too. such a good song, it could honestly be 1 or 2 but my ranking system isnt based in logic and makes no sense to even myself

4. House of Wolves- house of wolves was my favorite mcr song for a good chunk of time, but as a result i’m kinda burned out on it, which is why it isn’t higher.  however it is still number four  because it’s objectively a fucking amazing song. the guitar is so fuckin fun, the lyrics are great, and it’s just. fun to dance around and sing it at the top of your lungs. you better run like the devil cause they’re never gonna leave you alone!!!!! tell me i’m a bad, bad, bad, bad man!!!

5. Welcome to the Black Parade- the big man itself. the titular song. their biggest hit. a lot of people shit on wttbp for being popular and, like, pretty much the only song of theirs to ever be on the radio anymore (and even then it’s once in a blue moon), BUT. it got popular for a reason. it’s a really good song. i love the structure of it, i love how it builds and builds and builds. the lyrics are wonderfully done- “a world that sent you reelin from decimated dreams/ your misery and hate will kill us all”, the whole “do or die, you’ll never make me” stanza is The Ultimate rallying cry. and the “im just a man, i’m not a hero” is just. ughghghdlkslakdjglsdkg. the titular song of an album entirely about death and dying and misery being SO hopeful and SO upbeat really portrays the album as a whole much differently- mcr is known as The Emo Band because, yeah, their aesthetic is dark and their songs touch dark stuff but they have never been all whiney and boo-hoo-y and melancholic for the sake of melancholy. there’s always been a positive note to their music and a lot of people just don’t get that which makes me sad. anyway. wttbp is fun and i like it and i like the drums and the trumpets at the end. marching bands fuck

6. Blood- ok so the pattern here seems to be that i favor the fun songs over the slow ones, and blood sticks with that. much like with mama, i love the old time-y feel. i love that this is like a fun little bonus ditty to end the album on. the lyrics are silly and fun and jovial, and the piano is great. love it and it makes me happy

7. Disenchanted- OUGHH. OUUUUUGH. i know cancer is objectively the saddest song on the album, but disenchanted just hits different. “when the lights all went out, we watched our lives on the screen/ i hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene” just DECIMATES me, man. the acoustic guitar is a nice change of pace, and the vocal performance is just. so fucking emotional. especially the “woahhhhhhhh-ohs” at the end. great song, makes me Feel Emotions

8. The Sharpest Lives- ok so i know this is pretty much in the middle of the list, but i want to stress that i dont hate any of the songs on this album, so even the middle of the list is pretty fuckin good imo. the sharpest lives makes me go batshit.  the lyrics are so fucking wild. “a light to burn all the empires, so bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be” is SO fuckin sick like OH my god. what a line. also “there’s a place in the dark where the animals go/ you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow/ juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/ drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, romeo” like WHAT?????????????? GERARD POPPED OFF W THIS ONE FOLKS!! also i love how at the beginning the whisper-y vocals bounce from ear to ear. also “so why don’t you blow me......a kiss before she goes” is fuckin hilarious. honestly this song should be higher but i havent gone through a phase where i’ve been obsessed w it yet so it stays down here for now. one day it will take hold and be all i can listen to for a month straight and THEN it will climb the ranks. 

9. Cancer- makes me cry like a liddol baby. my mom doesnt let it play in the car cause it makes her too sad. twenty one pilots covered it and it was FUCKING AWFUL so the song is kinda ruined now cause i can only think about their shitty cover. like the AUDACITY. but anyway besides that the song is heart wrenching and amazing. the hardest part of this is leavin you!!!!

10. Dead!- look, i know technically the end. and dead! are the same song/ are just continuations of each other but i’m listing them separately bc dead! is, to me, the worse of the two. not that it’s bad or anything, it just doesn’t pop off the same way the end. and all the songs before it on the list do. however i do love the guitar at the beginning and the solo, and the “one! two! one two three four! LA LA LA LAs” are super fucking fun. 

11. Famous Last Words- i used to hate this song!!!! i truly did!! it’s obvs not on the top of my list now or anything, but i have grown to appreciate it a lot more than i used to. like with wttbp, it is the silver lining of the album that betrays its optimistic side. it’s a happy final message to a dark album. the ending is fucking amazing. I am not afraid to keep on living!!!! i am not afraid to walk this world alone!!!!!!

12. Sleep- Sleep is, unfortunately, just kinda boring in comparison. i almost forgot to even put it on the list. however, i do like the “the hardest part’s the awful things that i’ve seen” and the “a drink, for the horrors that i’m in. for the good guys and the bad guys, for the monsters that i’ve been” lines. also the “three cheers for tyranny, unapologetic apathy!” line. but overall it’s just. eh

13. This is How I Disappear- i have. complicated feelings on tihid. on one hand, it reminds me of my favorite oc, re, and is on their playlist. on the other hand, i have grown bored with it over time. it just doesn’t stand out to me at all really. that being said, i do really like the “who walks among the famous living dead” and the “can you hear me cry out to you” stanzas. 

14. I Don’t Love You- while i dont think idly is a bad song at all, it just simply isnt my kind of song. i do think gerard’s vocals are extremely strong throughout, especially during the “when you go, would you have the guts to say/ i don’t love you like i loved you yesterday” line. like wow ok maam please continue. but overall i just dont vibe w breakup songs bc i cant relate

including b sides: 1. Heaven Help Us

2. Kill All Your Friends

3. Everything else

4. My  Way Home is Through You

my reasoning: 

heaven help us is tied for my favorite mcr song Of All Time. everything about this song is catnip for lil old me. the angsty christian imagery, the vocals, the guitar. all of it. the lyrics make me lose my mind, especially the “will you pray for me? or make a saint of me? and will you lay for me? or make a saint of- cause i’ll give you all the nails you need/cover me in gasoline/ wipe away those tears of blood again/ and the punchline to the joke is asking ‘SOMEONE SAVE US’” and the “you don’t know a thing about my sins/ or the misery begins/ you don’t know, so i’m burnin! I’m burnin!!!” parts. like i absolutely vibe with this song so fucking hard. i sing it constantly, it’s great to sing (very stimmy for me), it sounds beautiful. i am obsessed with it through and through

similarly, kill all your friends also speaks to my very soul. i can’t pick favorite lyrics bc id just have to copy and paste the whole song. i love the build-up, i love the time progression throughout the song (it’s been TEN FUCKING YEARS since i’ve been seein your faaaaaace rounnnnnd heeeere), i love the “you’ll never take me alives”. literally everything about this song makes me emo. it just Gets Me. it’s literally about my greatest fear. all my friends growing up and moving away and getting on with their lives without me, leaving me to rot in my hometown waiting for them to return. we only see each other at weddings and funerals, so it’s time to kill all your friends so we can party when the funeral ends!! it’s probably tied with heaven help us, but i’m putting it at number two just because it didn’t hook me as strongly as hhu did. it’s more of a strong, steady favorite than a “this song has latched on to my very soul and i have to listen to it on repeat over and over and over again”, if that makes sense. it’s still in my top 5 mcr songs though

i never vibed with my way home is through you. i don’t listen to it often, and i just don’t really feel it. it’s not bad, it’s just. eh.

anyway if you’ve read this far down i love you so much. thank you for listening to me ramble, mcr means a lot and i love to infodump about my music tastes. i really really appreciate being given an opportunity to do so <3

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Dino Rant (Nov 27 + Other Side Tales)

My siblings are currently mad at me. Here’s what went down. Tagging: @akaskira​ @ce-la​ @caratheillustrious​ Who are all practically my spiritual online older sister/sage advice givers and @lizard-in-the-rain​ who can be an idiot along with me.

For context:  Ate = Sister Kuya = Brother * My dad and I have a rocky past because he’s very old-fashioned, hasn’t been always supportive about my mental health, and is really old and out of date (especially about LGBTQ, feminism, HK protests, etc.) * My sister also has a rocky past with me but has since calmed down a little thanks to old age (she’s 23) * My brother is constantly busy with school (and stressed), is still mourning his breakup after a few months which continues to salt his wounds (not because his ex is crappy but she’s really nice. He’s having a bit of trouble still.), and is a very sensitive person (more sensitive than my sister)

Further in, you can see what happened at the orchestra concert on Saturday. For context, you can check out a previous rant.

Me: Dad got some bad oil burns. I was in the family room as he was yelling “[MOM NAME x 3] WHAT DO I DO WITH OIL BURNS?” Mom was upstairs and didn’t hear They are kinda big He’s upset

Ate: What the why didn't you help him call mom???? did you??? yike oil burns are no joke bc they hurt for longer bc water just steams away but oil sticks and keeps burning and the scars are worse

Me: Uh... I was scrolling on tumblr? I don’t know. I thought he already put ice.

Ate: smh

Me: But looking back, I heard the water running for less than a minute.

Ate: LOL

Me: And never heard the freezer open

Ate: water won't help unless you use soap anyways

Me: So I thought he did that but he was really just yelling for mom He didn’t even ice it. He said he ran some water over it.

Ate: make sure you help if someone yells for help next time even if you think it's handled bc if a person is panicking/in pain they're likely not thinking straight to help themselves speaking from experience

Me: Mom tried to give him advice now and he just walked away going “uh huh”

Ate: even I know to put my hand under cold running water and ice it but I've definitely not done that when I've burnt myself before I would be pretty choked too if there were 2 other people in the house and neither of them came to help me when I got oil burns

Me: Mom was upstairs and couldn’t hear. I thought he was crying wolf as usual.He yells for mom around three times on a daily basis

Ate: fair but fr next time take the 5 seconds to check bc sometimes bad things happenesp if all you hear is a thud

Me: “[Mom Name x 3 again] I CANT FIND THE [blank]!!!” Mom: it’s been in the same spot for over a decade. Look with your eyes.

Me: Mom does that once every other day (has a big thud) usually because something broke. When I heard the yell this time, I thought it was because he knocked something over. Dad is always yelling He even asked mom how to make the rice And didn’t make it because she didn’t answer fast enough Dad is a drama queen. That’s where we all get it from.

Ate: I mean

Kuya: Tf is this situation How can you ignore someone in need of help Regardless of who it is Doesn't it hurt to see someone suffering

Me: I didn’t see anything

Kuya: Unless you hold extreme animosity Like they killed your mom or something I have to hand something in by 10 But I find this quite upsetting

Me: I didn’t see anything, and the last thing he yelled was an oil burn, and the only advice I had was water and ice which I thought he already did.

Me (in response to animosity): Not extreme, but living with him with only me as the child has screwed a lot of things up.It has taken a toll on my sympathy for people (or whatever is left)

Ate: Same but he's still our dad?

Me: Eh, I honestly thought it was a small thing until I saw it.

Ate: I have only shreds of respect for him left but idk if I would go as far as to just overlook "oil burn" and figure "oh, I can't help so I'll ignore him" like that's a lil funny

Me: Again, when someone is constantly yelling, there’s a point where you don’t listen fully to what they’re saying. It only registered later that his burns might actually be serious and more than putting your fingertip on a hot pan. I also have little sympathy due to how he’s treated me during my past situations so honestly, I’ve little tolerance.

Afterwards, my mom called my sister who was absolutely hysterical and screaming on the other line to the point where my mom had to pull the phone away from her ear.

________________

Some Stupid Orchestra Stories:

Things I have said to my orchestra cohorts that might’ve scared them:

*sees me bump my instrument* Trumpet: Ouch Me (walking away): Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches, and dead men tell no tales. Doug: What?

*sees me bump my bow* Doug: Ouch Me (tired because I was just excluded from the conversation today because no one would listen to what I had to say): I’m going to stab you Doug: Pat, protect me!

Me: *tells anything about school* Everyone: MAJOR CONCERN (Examples: Kid said that this guy could have sex with his friend before she turned 21 by slipping a drug into her drink, kid saying he was going to hit a girl with a metal bar from the desk, kids smoking out back, kids make noise downstairs which causes the room I work in to shake, kids throwing stuff out car windows, kids brawling, my science teacher from regular school failing me for practically no reason)

More of an annoying incident from me: Hannah: Who’re you messaging? Your girlfriend? Sean: Yeah Me: YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?! Sean: (sheepishly) yeah

To be fair, I get weirded out whenever they flash their privilege as semi-well off rich kids.  “Remember those special trips you get to take with your school to learn more about science? // Remember those international trips you take with your school club?” Me: ...no?! I’m not poor, I just dropped out of school before I could even go to my nearest McDonalds for a field trip.

But Doug is a little dumb sometimes. He doesn’t get my sense of humour (understandable), but he’s a little ignorant towards not-privileged people. 

He literally said he goes to sleep at 9:30pm, got into university (this is a semi-prestigious one) first try with 90s in all of his classes (at least), has a girlfriend, has friends, and doesn’t understand why anyone would stay later than that unless they had poor time management. His words, not mine. My brother stays there until around 12am studying. He was not happy to hear that. Doug is first year so my siblings are making fun of him saying he will perish in a year’s time. My parents saw him stealing kisses from his girlfriend in a parking lot during the day of our last concert. I seriously though the girl in his profile picture was his sister and not his girlfriend because they were both seriously white. Whiter than a bowl of milk I tell you.

He also doesn’t know what a period app would be for. I was a little annoyed. My brother knows about this well enough because we all know my sister and mom would not let anyone in this family live if they did not know the ins-and-outs of a period. Doug was like, “Why would you need to track that?” I responded, “Because they’re irregular.” He looked a little puzzled and I said, “Douglas, you’re a science major. There’s sex ed in school.” He responded that he is going into research (not sure what that has to do with menstrual ignorance) and never paid attention during sex ed (since it’s never for marks). I then got a little more pushy and said, “Well, if you ever want a girlfriend, maybe you should learn.” To which he said, “I have a girlfriend”. To which I gave him a look of:

Stories from the orchestra concert:

I did tell the bass instructor about this so maybe it’ll get sorted out but I did this “tell the teacher” thing twice where it backfired terribly. Let’s hope university kids are a little more grown up.

My messages from that night: Pat told me it was cute when I played in the wrong spots. It was genuine like she said it was cute. But it was like ??? I was having a panic attack. My brain left my body. I don’t want to play anymore. Then she put up her bow to make sure I wouldn’t flip the page Then she hit her bow on her bass. I really don’t want to play anymore. (She also repeated the same thing twice knowing from a previous talk that I have bad anxiety. She has anxiety as well.)

Me: Then Hannah and Patricia were commenting on my shoes. I like wearing my orthotics. They make my feet feel not in pain. Ate: tell them that Me: I did They told me to take off my shoes “They can’t even see my feet” I’m all the way in the back behind people “Then take off your shoes” “But then I’ll be in pain” “But you sit” (I have one foot on the ground) “So take them off. It’s for dress code. People can see you” Ate:  but it's literally a medical thing Tell them to actually fuck off hoh my god it's like asking a blind person to put their stick away bc people will trip on it or that you can't have your service dog with you like????

[blenderbender1811]

Just random thoughts about Yellow and Red’s relationship because I cannot control myself apparently. I blame my boyfriend, he got my into this show and we’ve been binging it the past three-four dates at his house. I have like 8 episodes left to watch, but until he gets over here tomorrow and we can watch the rest, I’m going to write this.

- Yellow and Red started dating in high school, when they were like 16ish. In hindsight, Yellow’s still not sure why she did it - she knew Red was reckless and impulsive and irresponsible and didn’t take the Hue Troop nearly as seriously as she did. Red was MAGNETIC though, she had experience dating, and they were friends, so Yellow thinks it was just because it felt safe to start exploring relationships with Red. And there is absolutely no side of her brain that was enjoying the HELL out of Red’s bad girl maverick schtick nope no way.

- Red’s ‘barely-disguised-flirting’ style worked on Yellow WAY more than she wanted to admit. Once, just to prove to Blue that she could pull off classy for a disguise mission, Red started ‘chatting up’ Yellow and ‘asking her out’ and even though Yellow KNEW they were pretending, she still ended up getting a little dreamy-eyed and asking ‘Where are we going?’ She will still not admit she did this and if Red (or Blue) brings it up, she will deny it swiftly and decisively.

- Yellow kinda constantly felt at war with herself while she was dating Red. It was like her ‘smart brain’ was telling her ‘Okay, we’re fundamentally incompatible, Red goes waaaaay farther in her thrill seeking than I want to, she doesn’t take our missions seriously and it stresses me out, and I do not enjoy heart attacks’ and her ‘bad decision’ brain kept screaming ‘RED IS HOT AND THIS IS EXCITING’. 

- Red was a terrible, terrible student. When she bothered to show up, she was always either sneaking looks at social media, daydreaming or falling asleep. Her response to an uninteresting assignment (or ‘she just wasn’t feeling it’) was ‘Eh, I’m gonna skip this one.’ Yellow, on the other hand, was a straight A nerd with a strictly kept schedule for getting all her work done and who routinely stressed herself out to breakdown point making sure everything was perfect. Red tried to help Yellow calm down and relax, but Yellow decided this was ‘distracting’ and usually kicked Red out. Yellow also found one way to get Red to do even a modicum of studying was to say that she would have fewer people harassing her to get her work done and less time making up her grades to avoid failing, which would automatically mean more time to go out with Yellow. It didn’t cure things but it actually got a couple assignments done that way. Now, whether or not they were half assed is another question, but Yellow took that as a step forward.

- Yellow was always tagging Red to play app games on her phone with her. It usually worked, although maybe not at the times Yellow might have wanted (”DON’T PLAY GAMES IN CLASS, RED, COME ON.”)

- Red actually routinely did things she didn’t really want to do to make Yellow happy. Nothing skeevy, but it got her to go to more than one boring lecture series Yellow wanted to go to, and practicing Hue Troop stuff. ‘I would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining’ was in full effect here.

- Red once decided to show Yellow her ‘stunt driving’ around various ‘obstacles’. Yellow wouldn’t let Red drive her anywhere for a month after that. Ironically, Red driving her around was one of Yellow’s favourite things to do before that.

- I imagine they were actually pretty quietly cute, despite the frequent little arguments, like holding hands, cuddling, kissing...selfies that they both still have on their phone and Yellow isn’t sure why she hasn’t deleted them yet. Because they’re still cute that’s why.

- They always used to pair off together on missions and patrols and such, and they always looked for each other first after a fight. Green, Black, and Blue were the other usual team. Blue trusted that they would stay focused on their own once they started dating. ...Well, okay, she trusted YELLOW to stay focused after they started dating. And in Red’s defence, they only got distracted making out a handful of times. They dated for a while, so Red thought that was impressive. She and Yellow, ah, used to argue about that. Among other things.

- I wanna say they knew each other since they were like 12ish? Not childhood friends, but not like they only just met when they were both on the Hue Troop either.

- They argued a LOT. Like...a lot. They disagreed about a lot of things and a lot of those disagreements were vehement. There were things that Red and Yellow just fundamentally did not gel well on. What Yellow saw as well meaning, helpful advice, Red saw as nagging and nitpicking and ‘get off my back already’. Meanwhile, what Red saw as ‘harmless thrill seeking’ Yellow saw as ‘irresponsible and reckless, self-destructive behaviour’. What was half hearted grumbling to Red often came off as a resentment to Yellow  Add in that Yellow was a die hard Hue Trooper and Red ...had her doubts about it, and the fact Yellow thought Red SERIOUSLY needed to re-evaluate her priorities and they were, to put it politely, a poor fit. Most of these arguments stayed in the realm of healthy, if passionate disagreement, but sometimes...yeah, you’d think World War Three broke out in the Hue Troops’ hangout with their Big arguments. Red can get really mad and Yellow can be COLD when she’s upset. Mercifully, they usually made up pretty fast after fights like that because they DID care about each other (and Blue was on hand to lock them in the basement until they made up when they were being stubborn).

- That’s not to say they didn’t care about each other because that’s not it - there were definitely a lot of things they admired about each other too. Yellow thinks that Red is creative, brave, opportunistic, fun to be around, adaptable, funny, confident and, again, absolutely magnetic and that’s what she likes about Red (even if she wishes she had better timing and priorities sometimes). Red, for her part, thinks Yellow is determined, smart, caring, loyal, tireless, playful in her own way, and that she has a certain amount of not caring what other’s think (even if she’s also a stuffy nerd). There’s a lot they could have handled better and a lot they disagreed about, but they were friends who cared about each other. ...Even if, as friends, Red can’t resist winding up Yellow until Yellow is ready to strangle her. It’s okay, Yellow, she does it to Blue too.

- Okay, so Red had her leg with the Hue Troop, so I’m revising what I said earlier and Red was in the hospital for something that happened on a mission. Nothing TOO frightening, but bad enough she was off her feet in the hospital for a week or so. Yellow realized that she couldn’t keep worrying about Red being reckless and that she needed someone who was more calm and who could help her relax after being on duty with the Troopers. Again, she doesn’t regret breaking up with her (most days) and thinks they’re better off as friends (most days) but if she was willing to tell her past self, it would be ‘don’t break up with your girlfriend while she’s in the hospital, that’s never going to end well.’

- They reconciled for the most part after a while, but for the first couple months or so after they broke up? HO-LY SHIT. If you thought their Big Arguments were bad, you had not seen anything yet that first week or so afterwards. Not even Blue could sort this one out. After that first week, things kind of...simmered. No more exploding at each other, but there was definite tension. Red was both angry and hurt and Yellow was too stubborn to grant that she might have screwed up (in the timing if nothing else) mostly to avoid feeling guiltier about hurting Red. Yellow made overtures trying to explain her reasoning more than once (because when Yellow is upset with someone for hurting her, understanding their logic makes her feel more solid even if she doesn’t agree with it), but once again, these two did not gel well. Red felt like these explanations were just rubbing her nose in their breakup. So, to try to annoy Yellow, Red started going on dates with any hot girl who looked her way so she could shove it in Yellow’s face. It worked more than Yellow wanted it to and Yellow thought it was juvenile as hell, so that started another argument when that boiled over. Finally, after what was like pulling teeth (have you EVER tried to get Red to admit things she doesn’t want to???) Red told Blue what she was doing and, moreover, it didn’t work - she couldn’t find anybody she liked as much as Yellow. Meanwhile, Black Strategy and Green Guts managed to painstakingly talk Yellow around to admitting that, yes, she could see why her timing was upsetting to Red. This resulted in Yellow ONCE AGAIN trying to explain why she did it...and they started arguing. But THANKFULLY, this time Red snapped at her for rubbing it in. They managed to talk their way through this breakthrough in communication and Yellow gave Red space to move on. 

- Mercifully, things went more or less back to being friendly after that. I think Blue’s plan if the above didn’t work was to smack their heads together until they made up. There was the occasional awkwardness or hurt feelings that came out in minor snarky comments, but things pretty much went back to how they were before they started dating. Yellow’s still got the best understanding of how Red’s mind works.

- Yellow still, very deep down, thinks Red is hot and while her smart brain says she’s not going to go down that road again (especially when Red has a new girlfriend), her bad decision brain still sometimes gives her a flicker of ‘Oh, but it’d be SO FUN to hang out with her again’.

[na-na-namine]

Operation: Confirm Amanda’s Love! Ch. 1

Series: Little Witch Academia

Characters: Akko/Amanda, Lotte, Sucy, Hannah, Chariot, Croix

Words: 1,540

Genres: Romance, Comedy

A/N: My super late LWA Secret Santa gift for https://twitter.com/r59k6

I’m sorry this took so long.The holiday season was rough and filled with stress and busywork. I’ll try to get chapter 2 finished as soon as I’m able, but this writer’s block isn’t making things easy.

Regardless, Happy New Year and I hope you enjoy this ^^;

————

Twas the day before Christmas, when all through Luna Nova,

Not a single witch was shopping, not even a for cola.

The candles were lit down the hallways since noon,

In hopes of presents that would arrive soon.

The witches were busy with handmade gifts,

As per tradition of the Academy's scripts.

And Akko in her coat and a red Santa hat,

Is dashing down the halls with a skip in her...

...uh, boots. That look like a... hat...

Yeah.

"Lotte! Sucy! Merry Christmas!"

Akko barges into their living quarters, startling both of her roommates. The sing-songy girl is carrying an armful of holiday-themed gift bags. Lotte places her book down to return the greeting.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Akko!"

"Pasko na naman, puta," Sucy mutters wearily in Tagalog.

"Sucy! Language."

"It's Christmas again, bi-"

Before Sucy could finish, Akko shoves a bag into her hands and then Lotte's.

"Aw, c'mon Sucy! It's the season of giving! How's about you not be a humbug for once?"

"No."

While the poison witch inspects the gift incredulously, Lotte opens her own. Inside were a bunch of sugar cookies, sprinkled with what appeared to be red and green stars.

"Wow! Akko, did you make these yourself?"

"Yep! Those baking lessons with Diana really paid off, huh?"

"I'll say," Lotte beams as she plops a cookie into her mouth. A delightful squeal escapes her lips as she savours the flavour. "Oh-my-stars, these are so~ good!"

"Eh. Six-outta-ten, too much milk," Sucy mumbles between bites.

Akko shoots her a dubious look.

"I should fill yours with raw plums next time."

Sucy's only response was a beleaguered shrug. Lotte shakes her head before smiling back to the brunette.

"Thank you so much, Akko! I wish I could give you your present now, but it's not done yet..."

"Ah, don't sweat it, Lotte. I still gotta deliver the rest of these, so you've got plenty of time to finish up!"

Lotte quickly looks over the gift bags in Akko's arms, noticing that someone was off.

"Where is Amanda's?"

Akko perks up from hearing her girlfriend's name.

"Oh, that? I'm not giving it to her yet."

Lotte and Sucy both share a confused glance.

"...Did you two break up again?" questions the latter.

"What? No!" Akko puffs out her cheeks in offense. "And what do you mean 'again'?"

"I'm just sayin- mmph!"

Lotte stuffs a half-eaten cookie into Sucy's mouth before jumping in.

"Did something happen between you two?"

Akko shakes her head before a massive grin stretches across her face.

"Nope! I'm just going to wait until Amanda gives me her present first."

"Um, why's that?"

"It's all part of 'Operation Confirm Amanda's Love on Christmas'!"

Lotte, at a clear loss of words, turns to her other roommate. Still chewing on Lotte's cookie, Sucy merely shrugs her shoulders.

"And, that is...?"

"It's self-explanatory," Akko answers with a fist-pump.

Sucy rolls her eyes. "Riiiiight..."

"Look, I friggin' love Amanda, almost as much as I love you guys! But she can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, y'know?"

"Understatement of the century- mmrph?!"

Lotte cuts off Sucy again with another cookie, her attention not leaving Akko.

"So this time," Akko continues, "I want her to be the one to find me first! That way I can be like, 'Wow, she really does loves me!' and stuff!"

Lotte shuffles on her chair anxiously. "I dunno about this, Akko. That seems like an unhealthy expectation. I mean, what if she's too busy or something?"

"Busy with what? Hitting on other girls?" Akko pouts. "Nah, it'll be fine! She'll pull through, you'll see!"

Sucy, having swallowed the cookies at last, rebuttals with deadpan disbelief.

"Or the two of you of break up agaaaaaannd she's gone."

Both she and Lotte looks on as their roommate dashes off, most likely to deliver the rest of her cookies.

"Gosh, I hope she's right," Lotte mutters with worry.

"Hrm. Knowing Amanda, there's no way she prepared anything."

Sucy gets up from her bed to walk over to Lotte's side. Her toothy grin makes the latter slightly uncomfortable.

"Um, Sucy...?"

"Anyway, I'll be getting my payback now for those cookies earlier."

Sucy wastes no time pinning the now flustered girl onto Akko's bed.

"H-huh? Wait, here? N-now?"

"Consider this your early Christmas gift."

"S-Sucy, maybe we can talk this over- mmph!"

Any objections Lotte might've had are smothered out by Sucy's lips on her own.

Amanda, being the self-proclaimed Ladies' Woman that she is, naturally expects a few girls to shower her with gifts. Tis' the season of giving and all that junk, she'd think. So if she isn't already surprised by that not happening, right now the fiery witch is receiving a gift from the last person she'd ever expect.

"The heck? Hannah England?"

The ginger witch in question has her hands extended out with a quaint present, wrapped neatly in a box. Her expression is cheerful, in contrast to her sarcastic demeanor.

"Here. For you."

Amanda begrudgingly accepts the gift, although she takes a moment to inspect it.

"You didn't rig this thing, did ya?"

Hannah's expression sours. "Merry Christmas to you too, jerkwad."

"Ha! Seeing your frowny face is enough reassurance," Amanda snarks as she tosses the gift up and down. Turning her back, she flicks her fingers in goodbye. "Smell ya later, carrot-head!"

However, she barely manages to strut three steps before Hannah speaks up again.

"You didn't prepare anything for Akko, did you?"

Amanda immediately halts in her tracks, turning her head to meet her accuser's gaze.

"Huh? Of course not."

Hannah stares and blinks vapidly for a few moments, before her lips curl into a sly smirk.

"Ooohhh~?" she hums. "I see, I see. Poor Akko..."

"Wait, what?"

"Knowing that girl, she'll be so sad that you didn't make her anything."

Amanda clicks her tongue in irritation. "Why am I the one who has to get her something?"

"You..." Hannah trails off, her eyes now glaring daggers into Amanda's soul. "...You really don't get it, do you?"

"Hmph," Amanda crosses her arms and prepares to walk away. "I don't wanna hear that from you."

"Then you'll hear it from Professor Ursula," Hannah remarks bitterly. It gets the reaction she expected, with Amanda stiffening in apparent fear.

Finally, she thinks to herself. Time to twist the knife.

"I can see it now! Akko running in tears to her precious Professor," the ginger exclaims in overdramatized acting.

"Now wait just a seco-!"

"Oh, poor Akko," Hannah says in her best Ursula impression. "Was it her? Was it Amanda that made you cry?"

Unfortunately for Amanda, those very words paint an image of a furious Shiny Chariot in her head. The same Chariot she once saw punch a massive dragon with her bare hands. These thoughts send a shiver down her spine.

"Who knows what'll happen if you piss off the professor like that," Hannah sneers, "and it'll only be a matter of time before everyone else finds out."

Against her better judgement, Amanda allows Hannah's words to sink in.

Ugh, this is why Christmas sucks. But, Akko might really be waiting for me, so...

...

...Dammit!

"I can probably stop by the town square or something..."

Hannah shakes her head. "Handmade gifts only, remember?"

"Shit, stupid rules." Amanda pulls out her wand with a new idea. "Maybe I can-"

"You sure it's a good idea to cut corners like that?"

Amanda bites her lip, the frustration of wracking her brain getting to her. Then what the hell is magic good for?

Hannah can't help but sigh pitifully. "Something like cookies would work, right? Akko's were really good, y'know?"

All of a sudden, Amanda perks up. "Cookies?"

Wait, wasn't it Diana who taught Akko how to bake?

With a new plan in mind, Amanda sets off past Hannah for real this time.

"Good luck!" Hannah cheers in near-feigned enthusiasm. "Better hope you're not too late, hun."

"Achoo!"

Chariot sneezes into her elbow, making sure not to sully the cookies she just received from Akko.

"Wow, that was quite the blast, Chariot," chuckles a voice off to the side.

"It's 'bless you', Croix."

Said ex-professor pays the advice no heed, simply content in enjoying her own Akko-made cookies.

"I gotta say," Croix speaks through bites, "these cookies aren't half bad."

Chariot nods. "Right? Also, don't talk with your mouth ful-"

"But do you know what's better?"

"Croix, no."

Reaching behind her, Croix grabs an unopened cup of instant ramen and presents it Chariot with a grin.

"Cookie ramen."

Chariot frowns disapprovingly.

"Croix, please."

The older woman merely shrugs as she leaves her seat, most likely to fetch some hot water for her ramen. Chariot rolls her eyes, her attention now on the sunset beyond the windowsill.

"I'm still worried about Akko and Ms. O'Neill's relationship..."

"Oh, those two?" Croix remarks across the room. "I'm surprised they're still together after their third breakup."

"Third?"

"I've had my broombas keep tabs. Say, where do you keep the eggnog?"

The only response she got is a thrown book to her skull.

"Ow!"

"You're a terrible person, you know that?" Chariot deadpans.

"Sheesh," Croix groans while rubbing her head. "No eggnog for you, then."

---

To be continued...

[myselfinserts]

“Please. Don’t even argue.”

The conference started tomorrow. Regi was frantically going over his notes on his laptop, looking through the video demonstrations and adding any missing annotations. He was already on his third cup of tea. Tired. Stress. A little joyful, he’d admit. He was certain this new item would be a hit. 

Or at least, he wanted to be sure. He wouldn’t know until after the presentation. And he had to make sure it was perfect. He tugged at his flannel sleeves, trying to focus on the little details. 

It has to be perfect. It has to be. It just has to-

“What the fuck are you doing up this late?”

Regi nearly jumped, glancing up when he saw Étienne walking over to him. “Oh, hey. I’m not doing anything-”

“You absolutely are,” said Étienne, holding up a hand to silence him. “Please. Don’t even argue. I could smell the english breakfast from upstairs, and you didn’t even put your hair up. Clearly, something is on your mind.” He went over to the cupboard, pulling out a cup to pour himself some. “So what’s going on?”

“Okay,” Regi sighed. “Just going over my notes for tomorrow. I have to make sure this is perfect. You know how it is. Work.” 

Étienne let out a soft hum, taking a seat beside him so he could take a glimpse. A set of gentle, steady fingers lightly brushed through the dark strands of Regi’s hair, causing him to melt. And and all stress was starting to fade away. 

“This looks good. Though I think you might want to change how you phrase that sentence in your speech. You’re making it sound like everyone is beneath you.” Étienne smirked. “And no offense, but you can’t pull that off.”

Regi chuckled. “Fair point. I’ll fix it.” 

Étienne’s eyes studied him carefully. “You know, in the time I’ve known you, I don’t think I’ve seen you relaxed this much before a presentation. It’s  nice change.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. You used to be a completely panicked mess when we met. And even after the breakup, you seemed on edge at being away from home.” He smiled fondly. “Something has changed. Care to share?”

“Well,” he sighed, lightly leaning against him, “you remember how I started dating Luci?”

Regi was pacing slightly as he waited for them to finish making coffee. He’d gone over this in his mind hundreds of times. He expected every possible outcome. Shaking. Sweating. Breathing heavily. This always happened before he planned to leave for a conference. Nothing was more terrifying than this moment. 

Lucien was a delight. They’d only been together two months, and already, things were rather wonderful. Every morning Regi woke up to a kiss on the cheek, or a pair of arms lovingly draped over him. He’d be asked questions about his work, offered assistance where it could be needed. He didn’t feel like he’d come away from a conversation being belittled or feeling like he’d done something wrong. Luci, much like Étienne before, made him feel like a completely different person. Someone more confident. More handsome. More intelligent. Someone deserving of respect. 

But this was different. A support conference was coming up in Paris, and he’d been invited to be a guest speaker as well as to give a presentation on a new grappling hook design he’d been working on. But it was the first conference he’d be away from home for since he and Luci started dating. And there was one little detail about this trip that he was terrified to talk to them about. 

It’ll be okay, he thought. It’s gonna be fine. Luci...Luci isn’t the type to get mad about this. Right? 

“Coffee’s done,” Luci said, bringing the tray over to the table. “I also made cookies. Chocolate chip.” They sat on the sofa, lightly patting the cushion beside them. “Regi, come sit down. You’re shaking.”

Regi took a deep breath, slowly taking his spot. “Thanks love.”

Luci cocked a brow. “Regi? What’s the matter?” They lightly put a hand on his knee, smiling softly. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

Can I? They swallowed. “So, uh...you know how I have that conference in Paris next week?”

“Yeah, you’ve been planning for it for a while now. Why?”

“Well, uh...since it’s in Paris, and most of the affordable hotels were already booked...” He reached up, lightly tugging on his ponytail. “Étienne offered to let me stay with him during my trip. It’d be cheaper, and it’s close to the venue. So...would that, uh...would that be okay?”

Luci watched him quietly for a moment. Already Regi was tensing up again, waiting for the entire speech. 

“Surely there’s gotta be a hotel somewhere. Wouldn’t you just be interrupting him with his work? Maybe you should stay here this time. It’s not like there’s not gonna be another conference. You could do much more work here. Do you really need to go?”

“Regi?” Luci called softly. “Regi, you’re spacing.”

“Huh? Oh.” Regi chuckled nervously. “S-sorry. Forget I said anything-”

“Must be nervous about the presentation.” They wrapped their arms around him softly. “Sweetie, it’s going to be great. You’ll knock them dead, I know it. Do you want me to pack some treats to give to your host? I’m sure he’d like something nice.”

Regi stared at them in shock. “Wait. You...what?”

Luci smiled. “Regi, I don’t mind if you stay with Étienne. He offered, and he’s your friend. So why would I be against it?” 

“Uh..it’s...”

Luci kissed him on the cheek. “He’s important to you, so he’s important to me too. I’m not going to keep you from visiting your friends or interrupting your work.” They pulled back slightly. Pink eyes glowing almost a soft, loving red in the light from the fireplace. “The bond you two have is special. And it’s not my place to interfere with that, whatever it entails. All I ask is you text me when you land, stay safe, and call if you need anything. I trust you to know yourself and what you need.”

This was...strange. They were really okay with this? No arguing? No anger? Total acceptance? Why were they so calm about this? This had to be a trick. They were really mad. Upset. Raging. There’s absolutely no way they could be okay with this. What’s going on?

Luci let out a sigh. “Regi, unlike Ceri, I can’t look into your memories and make a deduction on your thinking. But I can figure out what you’re feeling with my quirk.” Their smile faltered. “I know Mary didn’t like it when you left, focused on work, or spent time with Étienne, despite the fact that you two had...agreed to an open relationship at the time.” Their voice sounded sour on that last note. “I’ll admit, I’m a little worried. Maybe a smidge jealous.”

Regi blinked. “What?”

“I...” they blushed. “Regi, you really expect me not to be jealous of that Adonis? I’ve seen how you look at him, sweetie. It’s okay. He’s totally hot. What I wouldn’t give to be a blond like him instead of a walking piece of bubblegum some days.” Luci shook their head. “But those feelings aren’t your problem. They’re mine. And while I’m your partner now, I have no right to get between you and others when you’re spending time with them. However that time is spent.” 

“What do you- Luci, of course it’s my problem.” He lightly took their hands in his, holding tightly. “Luci, you’re my partner. How you feel is more important-”

“It isn’t more important,” Luci groaned. “Regi, there’s no ‘more important’ here when it comes to whose feelings matter. Your feelings matter just as much as mine do.” Their smile returned again. “Still...Your feelings matter more to me specifically, even when I know mine are just as important. Your happiness comes first. And if spending time with your friend, however you choose to spend it, is what makes you happy, then I want you to to embrace it.” They leaned forward, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. “Your friends. Your work. Whatever makes you happy. I’ll support it. All I ask is we talk it over a little, and you let me know if you need anything. That’s all.”

“Luci...” Regi smiled, leaning in to return the kiss. “You make me happy. I just don’t want to do anything that’d make you upset. That’s why I asked for your permission first.”

“I appreciate that, but you never have to ask for permission to do things like this. I’m your partner, not your parent. Just...keep me in the loop, that’s all.”

“I will, I promise.” He sighed, feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders. “Honestly this went a lot...a lot smoother than I anticipated.” 

Luci chuckled softly. “I’m glad. Last thing I want is to stress you out before a conference.” They pulled away fully, going to pour the coffee. “Now, let’s have the coffee before it gets cold.” They handed him a cookie. “And then maybe talk through boundaries. I feel like that’s a conversation we need to have.”

Regi smiled, taking a bite of the warm, sweet chocolate chips. “Sounds good.”

“And that’s what happened. They saw me off at the airport and...well, now I’m here.”

Étienne nodded slowly, combing his fingers through Regi’s hair. The two had moved to the couch, with Étienne practically using him as a blanket as opposed to a friend to hold. “You’ve certainly upgraded it seems. Well done. I’m glad the two of you have each other” 

Regi smiled. “You’re really okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? It isn’t like we’re married.”

“True, but...” his face flushed. “You’re my best friend. And I care about what you think.”

Étienne sighed. “Always the sentimental fool, eh?” 

“How long have you known me?”

“Too long.” He rolled his eyes. “I suppose if I had to give an honest opinion...you could certainly do worse. Though I don’t know how you’d do better. Aside from Ceri.”

“Ceri, huh?” Regi teased. “Why not you?”

Étienne scoffed. “Last thing either of us needs is the support tech world debating on who carries the two of us in terms of anything. That’d make getting work for either of us a living hell.”

“Especially since we know you’re the real master mind here.” Regi held back a laugh. “We both know you top everything.”

“You know that better than most,” Étienne said, smirking. 

“I do.” Regi raised an eyebrow. “Still, surprised you said Ceri. Didn’t know you though so highly of him.”

“I will kick you out.”

“Shutting up.” Regi let out a sigh, snuggling in close. “A few more minutes here, then head to bed?”

“Sounds good,” Étienne hummed. “I have to outshine you tomorrow, and I can’t do that if I don’t sleep.” He narrowed his eyes at him slightly. “Would you might sharing a bed though? The heating isn’t working right, and the repair service I use doesn’t open until 8. And you always did run hot.”

Regi smiled, lightly nuzzling him. “Sure. Absolutely.”

The two headed back to bed not long after, curling up in the master bedroom, practically tangled together. Feeling Étienne cling to him like a teddy bear, Regi felt completely relaxed. 

Before they settled, he’d sent Luci a quick text. 

> Sharing the bed with Étienne since his heating is broken. I’ll fix it in the morning. Text you before my presentation. Love you.

He didn’t expect a reply so quickly. A photo of Luci in the kitchen, decorating a cake, with Mealoaf sitting on their shoulders. 

> Mrs. Clifton and Ceri asked me for a hand with the bake sale. Meatloaf misses you as much as I do. You’re gonna do great. Tell Étienne I said hi. Love you too. 

With that, Regi fell asleep peacefully. 

[bandblogging]

It was a mistake

Words: 1.5k

Warning: eh I don’t think so

Pairing: Josh Dun x reader

Summary: The one where you and Josh broke up and both of you are unhappy and after a while he finally realises he made a mistake and wants to get back with you

——–

Your heart was aching as you stood under the shower. The hot water was hitting your body but even the sharp unpleasant feeling that the - a little too hot- water left on your skin, that slight scalding feeling still felt dull next to the ache you were feeling in your chest.

You imagined that after every fifth or sixth heartbeat it would contract so harshly that you could feel it all throughout your body.

You left the shower and got dressed. Your lunch was already packed and you left the house in a hurry. The same every day. At least for the last few weeks. It felt like a cycle you couldn’t get out of. During work you were able to forget some of your heartache but it was still undeniably there.

It went on and on like that for a few more days, your had lost track of the days. It could have been around 5 days or around 3 weeks you didn’t know. You had seen him online and on posters but you hoped to not have to see him in person so soon.

You pulled your bag open and got your lunch out. Just like every day. You were about to bite into your sandwich when Jenny approached you. “I’ve seen this enough times now! You will go eat somewhere else with me. How many weeks have you eaten sandwiches at your desk not talking to anybody. I pay, but you have to come with me!”

You wanted to say no, to stay in your own bubble and not be confronted with anything but you couldn’t. Deep down you knew that you had to change something to get better but mainly you didn’t want to cause any harsh feeling with your colleagues.

The place Jenny chose was quiet and small, it served great salads with a side of sweet potato fries that were to die for. You tucked in quietly, listening to what she was telling you about. Her family, her boyfriend, her dog, you didn’t mind as long as you didn’t have to do the talking.

You had just stuffed the last piece of lettuce in your mouth as you saw the floof of bright colored hair walking along the window of the bistro. The half chewed salad made you choke immediately as the bright coloured boy surprised you.

A wave of fear came over you. Immediately your reasonable part told you that it was stupid for you to feel that way, just because your ex was walking outside the window. It didn’t matter right, he was allowed to walk there as much as you were. Neither of both had really done anything wrong, it just didn’t work out so why were you feeling guilty and afraid all of a sudden. Josh had passed the window a few seconds later and you slowly stopped choking. The guilty feeling lingered for a while but went away as your colleague started a new conversation. In your mind you was sure he didn’t see you, but your heart wasn’t so sure.

It was Saturday and you were glad you could sleep in. It was the first Saturday in a while, well ever since the breakup that you did not work that day. Your alarm was set for 9:30am but when you got woken up by your phone it was only 7:30am. You felt slightly disappointed, you had hoped to get more sleep for once.

When you checked your phone for the call that woke you up you didn’t recognise the number. It was not saved in your phone and you layed back down. You slowly drifted back to sleep thinking it must have been someone who just mixed up numbers or something similar.

When you woke up the next time, your phone was blinking, telling you you had messages. These again were from a number you didn’t recognise, the same number that had called you before. Maybe it was not as accidental as you had thought.

‘Hey’ ‘How are you?’ 'Ehm, it’s Josh here’ 'You know’ 'I called’ 'I just couldn’t talk 'Please answer’ 'also good morning’

You felt perplexed, why would he text you? He broke up with you and seemed so happy everywhere you saw him online. Your heart was pounding and aching while your head was so confused about how you should feel. Should you feel delighted that he messaged you first? Maybe he wanted to apologise and say that he still loved you. Or should you be angry, he made you feel like this, like shit. And now he had the audacity to text you, probably to make you feel even worse.

Before answering; you got up and wandered into your kitchen. Your dad always used to say 'If there is a problem in front of you. Drink a coffee and it will get easier.’

'Hey Josh…haven’t heard from you in while. I guess I’m fine, how about you? You sound a little stressed are you alright?’, you decided to text back hoping he would just say he thought about you and decided to say hello nothing more. Deep down you obviously wanted to talk to him. You needed him, your heart needed him and you knew, but your mind was strictly against it.

You sat down on your couch a few hours later just as your phone went off again. You wanted to check the message, maybe it was Josh again, even though it didn’t seem to be so important if he had not answered until now. Before you could even do that your phone rang, him again. This time you were quicker and he did not have the opportunity to just hang up again.

“Josh” “Y/N”, his voice was raspy and you couldn’t tell if he had cried or not. “Are you okay? You don’t sound good”, you were worried now. “I mean….not really but I am better now that you are here”, he seemed desperate to you. And even though your head was telling get you that you should just tell him to get over it or ask someone else you couldn’t. You knew this was the excat wrong thing to actually get over your heart break but what if this would be able to get you to back together. It would make you so much more happy you just knew it. “Why now?”, it was the only thing that made sense to ask without either sounding desperate yourself or to sound rude. “I don’t know. I just can’t handle it anymore, I feel like my heart is being ripped out everytime I think of you. I made a mistake when I…”, he sobbed and you took advantage of his break to speak up again. “Not over the phone. You can tell me whatever you would like over the phone,I want to hear it in person”

You two met at a quiet café on the other side of town the very next day. You did not sleep well that night but it didn’t bother you. He was on your mind all the time, you just couldn’t get over him. He was already there, fumbling with a napkin until he saw you. He immediately got up and waved you over to him. “HiY/N”, he sounded much more nervous than you anticipated. He was probably more nervous than on your first date. You sat down opposite of him and waited for him to sit back down.

The conversation was stale at first, neither of you really wanted to talk or more likely didn’t know what about. After you third sip of coffee the conversation seemed to get going and suddenly you found yourself in being happy. Well, happier. Because of him. “So Josh….you don’t seem as unhappy as yesterday”, there was only one answer that was playing in your head over and over again. “Well…you are here. I knew I made a mistake as soon as I stepped out of your apartment that day. At first I just thought it was the normal heartache of a breakup but now I know that wasn’t. Breaking up with you was so stupid, because I need you. Y/N! I need you and I just can’t live without you.”, a shiver ran down your back. There was something so genuine in his eyes you couldn’t not believe him. “Josh”, you took his hand in yours and brushed over his knuckles with your fingers. “I know that feeling. I know it all to well. But-”, he did not let you finish your sentence. “Please don’t tell me you have found someone else or your don’t-”, this time you interrupted him. “No! No I have not. I just think we should take this slow. I don’t want this to end up like this again just because we couldn’t take the slow.”, you wanted him. That was for sure, and he wanted you. You were afraid that this would only make think worse, but you were determined to make it work this time. And so was he.

[lovejoshua]

oh, calamity! // afi

based off oh, calamity! by all time low (and my last breakup but we won’t talk about that)

Bold= the past

When I was younger I was certain

That I’d be fine without a queen

Just a king inside his castle

With an ocean in between

I’ve gone through some pretty bad experiences but it was never enough to bring me down, especially now since I’m living my dream. It was rare to see me gloomy. My friends all know me as the guy that is up for anything, the guy that always has a genuine smile on his face. Never did I think I would be a mess over someone until I broke up with Y/N. Breakups don’t dishearten me for long; I would just mope for a couple of days and go back to my old happy and positive self. This breakup, although it ended the same way my other breakups did, tore me apart.

I tried convincing myself that it was bound to happen and that I should move on for the better, but it was difficult. I knew that if we kept arguing and ignoring each other that eventually we would leave each other but it still struck me when Y/N sent that message, ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’. I remember thinking about all the good times we had and how to bring us back together but nothing came to mind. I hated myself for months after that. I hated her for a couple of days until I told myself that it was what she wanted and that I should be happy for her whether we’re together or not. It still hurts, y’know? Seeing the person that you still love move on while you’re not over the breakup that happened almost a year ago. I should’ve known not fall in love with Y/N, but love makes you do stupid things.

We get older by the hour

Watch the changes from afar

Keep forgetting to remember

Where we’ve been is who we are

As the months with Y/N passed by, the more and more we would drift apart. We would always have our decent days where we talk semi-normally, but there was always one thing to fuck it up. Whether it was me not telling Y/N about a girl that I talked to or her saying that I ‘don’t love her anymore’, it seemed impossible to go back to the way we were. Every day, from every dry conversation that we had, I could tell that this could be the end. I still tried my best to keep her with me, but it wasn’t good enough.

I wanted to go back to our good times, like the time we went to the beach but didn’t get in the water because she had her period. “You can go inside the water if you want.” She said while laying on my arm. “Nah.” I would reply. “I’d rather spend the day here with you.” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I remember trying to block the sun from our faces with a towel and her getting self-conscious because she thought someone was going to steal our stuff. I believe it was around that time that I realized that I love her.

I couldn’t go back because it reminded me of her. Every location that we’ve ever been at haunts me. It makes me think about what could’ve been and how we could’ve avoided arguing before or after our dates. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, I knew that, but the thought would leave my mind whenever we met up. I guess I should’ve known that our relationship would have some obstacles, especially when she told me about how protective she can be at times, but I still loved her and I was willing to deal with it. Turns out that I couldn’t and that I would spend almost every day crying and thinking about how such a horrible boyfriend I am.

I’ll remember nights alone

And waking up to dial tones

Always found my greatest moments

In the sound of your hello’s

“What do you want?” Y/N said. I was currently on tour and although I usually have a fun time, I was feeling stressed out. I felt like I didn’t always have a break or some room to breathe. Me and Y/N were currently ignoring each other after an argument that happened two days ago. I would always call Y/N for comfort but it was kind of useless whenever we were mad at each other. She would always pick up with a rude tone or not even pick up the phone at all, leaving me to lose hope while listening to the dial tones. I could talk to one of the guys and try to get them to cheer me up, but I miss Y/N and I have the urge to hear her voice even if she does say rude things to me.

“Is everything OK?” She asked. “Not really, I feel strained out and I decided to call you. I know we’re not on good terms right now but I miss you and wanted to hear your voice.” I answered. “Oh, well, here’s my voice.” She said with a sarcastic tone which made me chuckle a little. “Um yeah sorry for calling, I’m sure that it’s probably midnight over there.” “Well yeah but you don’t have to go if you want, we can still talk about whatever’s bugging you.” I tell her everything and she gave me feedback. She told to take deep breaths and that everything was going to be alright. Normally I would roll my eyes if someone said that to me but I would gain a little ounce of hope whenever Y/N would say it. “Ashton, I’ve got to go. I have to open the shop in the morning. I love you.” She said. “Wait, I’m sorry if this sounds weird but it’s been a long time since you said hi or hello to me and it’s the only thing I want to hear right now.” I can imagine her making a weird face and rolling her eyes.

“Hey Ashton”

If I catch you on the corner

Will you even know it’s me?

Will I look familiar to you?

Do you offer me a seat?

Can we find a new beginning?

Do you turn the other cheek?

The boys invited me to dinner at a nearby restaurant. I didn’t really have the energy or guts to go out in public but I still agreed because the boys think that I’m still the ‘fun and positive’ Ashton. I don’t think much of the restaurant when we first walk in. It was small with dim lighting and only had a couple of tables. We ordered our food and start talking about the festival that we were going to play in Asia. It wasn’t until I started looking around the room that I spotted her. She was with two friends from college, just laughing and playing with their food. I froze and didn’t realize that I’ve stopped talking to Luke. “Hey man, is something wrong?” I snapped out of it and shook my head. “Nah it’s just that my ex is here.” I replied as they all tried to sneak a glance. The boys knew that this was the first time I’ve been heartbroken but they think I’ve moved on months ago.

I couldn’t stop looking at her. She looked so different yet still the same. She still had that beautiful smile and messy hair. She genuinely looks happy. I know that I should be glad that she is feeling better but damn it hurts. It reminds of when she told me she felt fine days before we broke up and now she’s more than fine. How does she do it? Is it because she’s the one that broke up with me? Does she know that I’m still not over our breakup? Fuck, this just ruined my appetite.

I tried my hardest not to look depressed next to the boys. I ate all my food and just waited for the guys to finish theirs. I wanted to break down and cry so bad. I didn’t think that seeing Y/N would make me so miserable. I excused myself to go the bathroom and that’s when she looked at me. I took one quick look at her just to see her reaction but I couldn’t read her face. She just kept on looking with her chin resting on her palm. I washed my face once I entered the bathroom. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I couldn’t stop thinking about how she moved on. Was I nothing to her? Is it possible to move on from someone who you used to be infatuated with?

Luke came in to tell me that they were about to leave. I told them to wait for me in the car. I’m still not over this experience. I can’t believe I’m still crying over someone who’s not in my life anymore. Just as I was getting out of the restaurant, I bumped into Y/N. We looked at each other for a couple of seconds until she gives me a small smile. “Hey Ashton” she says. Those two words brought butterflies to my stomach. I didn’t even know what to say. I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her to come back to me. However, all I could do was smile back and say, “Hi Y/N, nice seeing you here.” She nodded her head and went to her friend’s car. Fuck, I wanted to talk to her more but I didn’t have the guts to do it. I feel like that was my last opportunity to get her back. Maybe we were never meant to come back together.

It’s such a shame that we play strangers

No act to change what we’ve become

Damn, it’s such a shame that we’ve built a wreck out of me

I kept thinking about my encounter with Y/N on the ride home. It feels surreal to act like strangers with someone who you still see as your world. We used to talk about everything, we were so comfortable with each other and now all we could say was hi. I wish we didn’t end up this way. Even though our relationship may have been toxic, I would do anything just go back and change everything. I will always love Y/N, whether she’s with me or not. I started to remember the conversation that we had the day we broke up. We agreed that no matter what, we would still be each other’s soulmates. Even though I smiled at that message, it still broke me.

This relationship changed me for the worse. I no longer believe in love for myself. I vowed that I would never love again just so I don’t have to go through this feeling again. I always check up on her on social media just to see how she’s doing. There are some nights where I find myself looking back at our conversations and I would start crying. I never wanted to leave Y/N. I always pictured a future with her, one where everything between us was alright. Maybe I’ll move on from all of this someday, but for now, I am still not over our calamity.

------

eh don’t really like this but it’s kinda hard for me to write about heartbreak. Let me know if you me to use gender neutral terms on this story and I will gladly change it. I also have a calum imagine if want to check it out. If you want your own personal imagine, just drop your name, your preferred pronouns, which guy, and the scenario in my ask. Thanks for reading!

[successaesthetics]

WOW it’s a miracle I have been tagged and have actually remembered to play the game!! Moment of silence to observe this momentous day ;)

Thanks to the sweet @studyingraphics for the tag!!

Game rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (or however many you feel like lol)

LAST: 1. drink: wine :3 2. phone call: my best friend from college! 3. text message: to a good friend about her new boy <3 4. song you listened to: Despacito by Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee omgggg. Makes me want to dance and also be fluent en español lol 5. time you cried: eh...earlier this week. Stupid breakup stuff.

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: Nope! 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nahh. #NoRagerts 8. been cheated on: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Honestly who knows. 9. lost someone special: Sadly, yes. C’est la vie. 10. been depressed: Yes, unfortunately. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Again....unfortunately.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. Navy, maroon, and lavender.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: Yes! So many awesome friendships. 16. fallen out of love: Yes, sadly. 17. laughed until you cried: Omg yes, those are the best laughs. 18. found out someone was talking about you: Not that I recall. 19. met someone who changed you: Probably.  20. found out who your friends are: For sure. 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Welp....he’s not on my facebook list anymore....

GENERAL: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know: Liiike 99%  23. do you have any pets: Used to have a pupper. She was the greatest pup that ever lived and I’ll never love again WAHHH. 24. do you want to change your name: Not really. I mean, aside from never being called my birth name ever, I’m good haha. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: My boyfriend at the time came up to visit and it was a pretty shitty birthday because we were on the verge of breaking up. 26. what time did you wake up: 4:45 AM 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Falling asleep to a cheesy chick flick on Netflix (seriously check out Picture Perfect bc Jennifer Aniston is perfection as always) 28. name something you can’t wait for: To visit my little sister in Spain!! 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: About an hour ago loll 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: How much my anxiety controls my life every day. It’s often crippling and sometimes I don’t deal with it very well at all. 31. what are you listening to right now: Nothing except for Despacito playing in my head lmao 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes I work with two Toms haha. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: Ignorance/racism/sexism/homophobia, etc. etc. 34. most visited websites: Is Instagram considered a website if it’s the app? Well. That.

LOST QUESTIONS: 35. mole/s: I don’t think I have any? 36. mark/s: I have this birthmark on my had that’s almost invisible in winter, but is very dark in summer when I get tan (”tan,” lol). My dad realized it was there when I was like 16 and told me to go wash my hands bc he thought it was dirt. 37. childhood dream: I wanted to grow up to be a vet with a big family. 38. hair color: Mousy brown. Kinda hate it, but too lazy and cautious to do anything with it color-wise 39. long or short hair: Short! Used to have hair down to my butt but short for the last year or so. 40. do you have a crush on someone: When do i NOT have a crush on someone, let’s be honest. I crush hard on everyone lol. 41. what do you like about yourself: My eyes/eyebrows, my brains bc I’m brilliant (shh), my ~bubbly~ personality as described by friends and coworkers. 42. piercings: 5 ear piercings. Wish I had courage for a nose piercing haha. 43. blood type: Not a dang clue and I’m deathly afraid of needles so we ain’t finding out! 44. nickname: Ceej 45. relationship status: Single as a Pringle, in the best way (Pringles are delicious, get over it) 46. zodiac: Libra 47. pronouns: She/her 48. favorite tv show: Friends, probably.  49. tattoos: I wishhhhhhh. I want a sleeve so badly. 50. right or left hand: Right 51. surgery: Unfortunately. 52. hair dyed in different color: Never had it. 53. sport: To play? Softball. To watch? Football or wrestling (I know, judge me. It’s good when it’s real lol) 54. where’s 54 (<--lol this threw me off at first but I’m leaving it) 55. vacation: I don’t know what this is asking lol. Next vacation is Europe YAY! 56. pair of trainers: Huh?? Sure, i’ll take a good lookin’ pair of trainers ;)

MORE GENERAL: 57. eating: Pizza rolls (judge me) 58. drinking: Riesling 59. I’m about to: Get ready for work tomorrow and go the heck to sleep! 60. stop skipping numbers, dear author, it’s cheating  (,<-- lol again) 61. waiting for: The sun to go down so I can sleep 62. want: To be over this breakup, to have enough money to not be stressed about paying student loans every month, to be able to travel freely 63. get married: One day, yeah. 64. career: Graphic design!

WHICH IS BETTER: 65. hugs or kisses: Hugs cause you can get them from anyone and they’re so cozy :) 66. lips or eyes: Mmmm both. Eyes though, if I had to choose. 67. shorter or taller: LOL everyone is taller than me. 68. older or younger: Oldr? 69. COME ON IT REALLY IS CHEATING. at this moment is what, 89 questions to answer you lying duck 70. nice arms or nice stomach: Arms. 71. sensitive or loud: Sensitive I guess?  72. hook up or relationship: Relationship. Not into hookups. I get attached way too quickly for that shit lol. 73. troublemaker or hesitant: Depends haha. 

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: Nope 75. drank hard liquor: Yes ma’am 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t wear them 77. turned someone down: Lol yes 78. sex in the first date: Noooope 79. broken someone’s heart: Yuuuuup 80. had your heart broken: Unfortunately, but again, that’s life. 81. been arrested: Nope 82. cried when someone died: Too much 83. fallen for a friend: Yup and that’s how all my relationships have started lol

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: Sometimes. I try to. 85. miracles: Yessm. 86. love at first sight: I don’t think so. I think it could be infatuation, but I think love is a lot deeper and how can you love someone if you literally just laid eyes on them? Idk. 87. santa claus: OBVI one of the best Christmas movies ever ijs. 88. kiss on the first date: Eh. Idk. I’ve never dated a guy that wasn’t a good friend first so idk how to date lololol. But probs not. 89. *coughs* 88 questions

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: Danielle! Best friend for 10 years :) 91. eye color: Green mainly, with blue around the edges. 92. favorite movie: Omg way too many favorite movies. Cinderella Man is the first one that comes to mind. Oh, and Hitch.

Now I’ve done way too much typing so if you see this and want to play along, consider yourself tagged!!

For everyone else, I tag @intellectys @obsidianstudy @notebuddy @anikasprocrastinatingagain @genspen @allydsgn @legallychic @alqariyah @seduloustudy @sassypitbull @xxjammyjamiexx and anyone else who wants to play!!

K love y’all bye :)

[shiroe-is-my-baby]

You Have The Nerve? - Ch 3

Summary:  Based off of the movie Nerve, an AU/crossover fic that doesn’t exactly follow the storyline but does have a similar plot and a few scenes from it. A hard breakup throws Ashley into an emotional wreck, acting out in ways that she never knew possible. When the opportunity to play a game of dares for money, she can’t help but play along. Throwing her into a spiral of dangerous games, along with meeting a few new faces and possibly falling in love yet again.

W: self-insert, romance, angst, strong language, crossover, au

Part One | Part Two | Part Three |

The music over the stereo lightly played, fading into the background like white noise. I chewed on my bottom lip, leaning back in the seat after I had finished my food. A piece of hair twirled between my fingertips, eyes lingering on my phone that sat on the table. I could lie and say that I wasn’t slightly curious of this strange game. Mainly because it sounded like a nice distraction. The stuff I was hearing about from Sae did bother me a bit. The last thing I wanted was to get involved with anything dangerous.

I heard the smacking of the man beside me, rolling my eyes as I dropped my hair onto my shoulders. “It’s all ridiculous when you think about it. The fact that it sounds like a game for stupid teenagers,” He said, giving us the curtesy of covering his mouth while he spoke.

“You say it like you weren’t just playing a game of truth or dare with your friends two days ago.”

“That was different. I’m pretty sure I was drunk then.”

“Pretty sure?” Marielle asked, laughing softly.

He nodded, although he forgot about the conversation really quick when the waitress flew past with yet another refill.

Marielle and I made eye contact for a moment, mocking the man while he scarfed down the rests of his food. It was strange that I finished before he did, given that he was eating like a vacuum at this moment. No doubt starving from the hours he spent without eating. But I wasn’t really in the mood to eat very much. Which makes sense, considering I don’t usually eat a lot when I’m stressed.

Glancing out the window beside us, I noticed a flash from the corner of my eye. My eyebrows lifted curiously, following the group that walked down the street. There was a water fountain near the center of a nearby park, and it looked like that was their destination. “Hey,” I said, swatted at Saeyoung’s arm, then his chest.

“Ouch, what? I was eating!”

“Look, check this out.”

I pointed out the window towards the kid who had to be at least eighteen. His friend handed him a skateboard, and he placed it onto the ground. It seemed pretty harmless until the kid started doing tricks and grinding on the rails of the water fountain. It’s not unusual for someone to do something like this, but the way that he had so many people following him around was strange. Not to mention that it was like he was putting on some kind of show.

“He’s gotta be some guy that does skating tricks on the internet. That’s nothing unusual,” Sae said.

“Yeah, but it’s it a little coincidental?”

“Eh, maybe.”

“Or you’re just reading into it too much,” Marielle chimed in, placing her chin on her heads.

Shrugging my shoulders, I sat back in my seat and watched the group of kids jog off towards the bus stop. It was all so weird. Maybe I was being paranoid. Wanting to see things that may or may not be there. But now that I was paying attention, there were more people on the streets on their phones, doing strange things in front of a camera. It may be a normal thing in the city, but there was a lot of people doing it. This couldn’t be some coincidence. This whole game thing had to be real.

The three of us finished our meal, leaving a tip for the waitress and walking out into the cold late afternoon air. I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten until we stepped outside. It wasn’t dark yet, but I was sure it would be fairly soon. “Thank you guys for eating with me. It was just what I needed,” I said with a sigh. Marielle smiled, squeezing my shoulder affectionately.

“It’s no problem, hon. Do you want me to walk you home?”

“Nah, I’m good. You two be safe. I’ll… see you later.”

“Don’t go doing any crazy dares without me,” Sae announced, walking backward as he gave me a quick salute.

I rolled my eyes, nodding and turning around the opposite direction.

What a couple of weird but great friends that I had.

I can always count on them to cheer me up. All day I barely even thought about the asshole. Right now, I could barely even give a damn. Something else was bothering me, though. Why couldn’t I stop thinking about his stupid game? It wasn’t like I would actually have the courage to do crazy dares. Even though I have toughened up and grew a thicker skin over the past few years, there was no way that I would do it. The money did sound good, though. I would need it now that I had an apartment to pay for by myself.

Sighing deeply, I decided to forget about it for now. I had things to do. The apartment was a mess, and I had to get his shit sorted out. That was my plan for the rest of the night. Maybe relax on the cough with a bottle of wine and binge on some weird TLC shows. That sounded like my kind of fun.

 An hour had passed since I’ve been home, and I still couldn’t seem to sit still. The message kept popping up on my computer screen, taunting me yet again. To make matters worse, I was strongly considering the challenge. I was bored and thirsting for something to help me feel liberated. Most women go out and find someone to have rebound sex with, and I was not up for that. It was too much baggage to deal with at the moment, and I wasn’t the one night stand kind of person. Not that I judged anyone who was. It just wasn’t for me.

My liberation was something better than that. Something that I can remember for years and earn some cash from it. The idea seemed harmless enough, but I wasn’t about to make this decision on one emotion. Right?

I breathed a heavy sigh, tapping my foot nervously as I stared at the bright computer screen. It didn’t specify that one had to finish the game to win the cash. Each dare would have a cash prize, and only the ones who make it to the top two compete for a winner. But there was nothing about having to complete anything. As long as the dare is finished the person wins the cash. I can play up until I have a substantial amount of money and stop. No more dares after that.

The plan seemed simple enough.

As I was mewling it over, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I picked it up once again, not even bothering to look at the caller I.D. “What do you want, Sae?” I asked, in the most monotone voice I could muster. I didn’t even bother asking if he could see me. I knew that he could. We already established this earlier.

“You’re not really considering this… are you?” He asked, in a serious tone.

Serious Saeyoung only comes out every once in a while. Sometimes I forget that he is mostly serious, and only uses his humor as a front. Only I really know this fact, given that we’d been friends for so long. It’s hard to forget the night that he practically lost it on me, trying to get me to leave. Even though I wouldn’t. Maybe that’s why he and I never really made it past the friend zone. He’d never allow it. He’s fine with being friends as long as I stay my distance and never get close enough to his heart.

My eyes lingered on the two options, the player button a deep purple. It felt ominous almost. I pursed my lips and sighed, giving a small nod.

“I am…”

“Look, I joked a lot about this with Marielle, but I’m serious now. It’s not something to play. I looked a bit into it when I got home. There are lots of people saying that it’s dangerous.”

“It can’t be that dangerous. Besides, I’m just going to play a few to win some extra cash.”

“Even that can spiral out of control. Ashley, I’m telling you seriously, okay?”

I breathed a sigh, my hand balling into a fist at my side.

I heard his pleas, but they seemed obsolete now. I’ve made up my mind. There was no amount of convincing that could change my mind.

I wasn’t sure what I was trying to prove. Who I was trying to lash out against. None of this seemed to make sense rationally. My head was already spinning, and I felt as if I almost blacked out for a second. This wasn’t just for me to make some point. It wasn’t just about the cash. It was about finally breaking from my pattern and having some god damn fun.

“I’m sorry, Sae.”

I hovered my mouse over the player option, clicking it right as Saeyoung was telling me to stop.

My phone vibrated against my face, and I quickly brought it down to see that an app was downloaded onto my phone. Raising an eyebrow, I opened it up to reveal the screen where I was to enter all of my information. Saeyoung sighed heavily on the other line, the sound of keys tapping on his computer. He was no doubt looking into my information, making sure that nothing was harmed. This was a moment that I kind of thanked him for having the security system set up.

“The game is tailored to all of your information. They hack into your bank account to wire your money, and they also look up all of your profiles. The dares are created because of the things that you like, dislike, your fears. Everything. I tried to warn you, but now we’re in this until you decide that you’re done,” He mumbled.

“Like I said. It’s only to make some extra cash.”

“I’m sure that it is. Look, just let me come pick you up. At least let me tag along and make sure nothing goes wrong. We can take my car.”

“Okay, okay. Sure,” I said, typing away on my phone as I entered my username.

I was a tad bit anxious to get this whole thing started. I wondered just what would happen. This wasn’t something that I normally did. Usually, when Sae tells me not to do something I’ll listen. Why was I struggling to act out? Was it the break-up or was this bound to happen? It all seemed out of character for me. This could be the night that I make some stupid decisions. Granted, I probably just made one small one already.

But I couldn’t worry about that right now.

I had a game to play.

[rikirachtman]

So, not really sure how to go about saying this. I don’t think there’s any non-melodramatic way to say “I’m about to kill myself” lmao. It’s a pretty heavy thing to have to publicly announce. My head’s a little scrambled at the moment, partly out of fear, partly out of exhaustion, partly out of just sheer emotion making it difficult to think coherently. If this whole thing ends up a little messy then I apologize, you’d think I’d sorta put more effort into what could be the last thing I ever write. I’m also pretty long-winded, scatterbrained, and like to ramble, so this is going to be a very, very long note.

It’s hard to pinpoint one specific reason why this is happening. Primarily I think it’s loneliness; I’ve been in three relationships in my entire life, all three of which have been long-distance deals, so there’s that. I’ve never had very many friends; people that talk to me on occasion, but that’s few and far between and I still spend long periods just too scared to leave the house. I know I’m pretty damn repulsive, and having not hugged or even touched another human being in months admittedly makes me feel just a tad more repulsive; I guess I’m just lonely, emotionally, physically, in general. I’ve spent every birthday since I was 11 alone in my room. I know I just kinda creep/gross people out, and that accounts for why I don’t really have any friends to hang around (I do have some, but still I don’t wanna overstay my welcome with them). The breakups I’ve experienced have pretty much been life-altering experiences for someone as bad at coping with loss as I am, and recent events concerning my previous ex have pretty much sent me over the edge, leaving my current partner to have to deal with me crying and moping about someone that I broke up with long ago anyway. I definitely make an effort to hide it (I think a lot of folks see me as disgusted by the concept of love pffft), but truth be told I think it’s the only thing that makes me happy anymore. Having what I had with my first girlfriend (who I remain friends with to this day) was an incredible experience, and the second was good too, up until the end when things fell apart thanks to my own mistakes, in both cases. My current boyfriend (yeah, sorry to my family for not really coming out about the whole “bi” thing until my death lmao, but uh there you go, hope nobody’s too disappointed) is an amazing human being who, frankly, I don’t deserve. I’d do anything to see him, but being separated like this is too much for me to handle. I can barely take another second of the jealousy I get when I see happy couples together everywhere I go and we’re still here separated. The fact that I have someone AT ALL is amazing of course, I truly thought I’d die alone, but I guess the bad things in life have outweighed the good.

There’s also the fact that I’m just in general kind of a piece of shit. I’m ugly, dishonest, completely talentless, hypocritical, overweight, over-emotional, unintelligent, lazy, whiny, weak, cowardly, I couldn’t think of a simple positive trait I possess. On top of being broke, alone, and sorta in the middle of nowhere, I’ve really got nothing going for me. The only thing I wanna do with my life is play music, and that’s not exactly gonna make me any money. I’ve been making plans for this since roughly the time of my first breakup, which I think again illustrates how absolutely garbage I am at letting go of things pffft. If that’s not enough, my second partner now being involved with someone new is one of the major events that’s sent me completely over the edge recently, which is pretty goddamn slimy for someone already in a relationship with an amazing human being, who has saved my life multiple times now. I’ve missed enough school (not through dislike of school, but because the stress is too much for my weak mind to deal with) that I think I’ve effectively thrown any future career options out the window. Ultimately I think it’s better for everyone if I’m gone; I’m unimportant, irritating, generally just not someone that I believe would be missed. A few of you might be upset for a while, I know, but you’d get over it, you’d get over me, I promise. I don’t feel the world is losing anything with me gone; at best it’ll be gaining something, assuming that I’m remotely important enough to cause any change either way pffft.

There’s so many lovely people out there who I’ve met in my life and I wish I could say goodbye to each and every one of you. Every person I’ve ever met has been an important part of this journey, even if I’ve had bad times. My mom, my dad, my brother, my grandparents, Sam, Lehi, Seth, Alyssa, Carrie, Cole, Zeke, Hala, Ian, Heidi, Dan, Ryvre, Brittany, Randi, Gray, Andrea, Athena, Maddie, Zeke, Josiah, Emma, Sinead, Koko, Natasha, Cierra, Kinzie, Morgan, Lily, Elia, Tyson, Jordan, Grace, Adie (you probably won’t ever read this, but still). Just to name a very, VERY small portion of the souls that I’ve encountered throughout my life, and whether we’ve had good times or bad times, I think everyone has had an affect on me in some way, which I’m forever grateful for. I’m sorry, however, that I couldn’t take that effect and put it to some use, and instead I’m squandering any potential I MAY have had (unlikely but eh) by ending my life.

I know some people might be hit harder than this by others. Mom, I know this is going to hurt you a lot, I know you’re going to feel at fault, or feel like your life is over. Please don’t think that, please. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain I’m inflicting on you by forcing to lose one of your own children, and I’m so, so, so sorry. I love you, please carry on, please be strong, please don’t blame yourself. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, thank you for raising me, I’m sorry things went this way. This goes for my brother, my dad, all my other relatives. I was lucky to have a good family, I’m grateful for that, truly. 

My closest friends, both those I’ve made in real life and those I’ve met on the internet because I’m a loser lmao, I love you all too, very much. My loneliness would be far more powerful if you weren’t all around for me. You’ve all contributed positively to my life, and I really hope I’ve been able to contribute to your lives as well. I wish I could go see each and every one of you before I do this, but I know I’m kind of a pain to be around and that’s understandable. I hope you all have great lives.

My boyfriend, Sam, who has outright saved my life multiple times and been a constant force of positivity in my life since we met. We’ve only known each other a short time, but it feels like so much longer, it feels like I’ve known you forever. I’m sorry I never got to see you in person, it was one of the last things I was holding out for, but it just looks so difficult to do at this stage. Please don’t blame yourself, please know you helped me hold on a lot longer than I would have without you. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get over my past relationships, I can’t imagine how much that hurt you, dealing with that, with my moping, while you stayed up all night every night helping me. Thank you. You’re going to do great things with your life, I promise you, you’re an angel, my angel, don’t let this break you. Be safe, be brave, carry on like you always do, because you’re strong. I love you so much.

Now, with my long history of generally being a fuck-up, there’s a pretty massive chance I’m going to mess this up too. With my limited resources, I’ve had to choose a pretty risky method of hanging (shower curtain road is the strongest thing in this house lmao), and so it’s very likely the rod will break and I’ll fall. Now I want to make it clear that if that happens, if for whatever reason I end up paralyzed, brain damaged, or otherwise unable to communicate my wishes, I ask that you PLEASE, PLEASE end my life. Life is agonizing enough as it is, I cannot spend the rest of my days as vegetable. I am begging anyone who will listen to please just fucking kill me if I end up like that, I can’t do it, I’m too scared. If I do survive mostly unharmed and okay, then fuck, I dunno, maybe the experience of a failed suicide will make me realize “hey, I DO want to live after all”. I hope it does, because I don’t want to survive and still feel the way I do. But Jesus, this NEEDS to happen, one way or the other.

My head is really starting to hurt now, I’ll admit that the prospect of staring eternity in the face is a little scary. I don’t know what lies beyond death; I hope nothing, no existence, no thought, no feeling. That may sound scary now, but it won’t be once you get there because…I mean, you just WON’T be there to be scared in the first place. The idea of an eternity, no matter what kind, terrifies me, especially a hellish one. The fear of the afterlife, along with the fear of the pain and fear that will be going through my mind when I die, are the most major things that have stopped me from killing myself much sooner. However, the fear of life has overcome the fear of death, and I’m ready to try it.

I don’t really know what else to say. Anyone who wants my stuff can take whatever they’d like (unless mom wants to keep all my stuff, which is absolutely okay too), please choose a good picture (like I dunno, my current Facebook one or something) to use at my funeral (again, assuming anyone would show up, which is pretty unlikely haha, but ah well - bottom line, just don’t use one of those gross pictures of me in 7th grade, nasty stuff), please don’t dress me in my horrible pyjamas that I’m about to die in for the funeral, and again, please kill me if I become paralyzed/brain damaged/et cetera. I am so sorry for all the bad things I’ve done in my life, I’m sorry for inflicting my existence upon those who’d had to put up with it. I shouldn’t have been born in the first place, but better late than never, right?

I guess that’s that then. If I die I die, if I live I live, and if it’s the latter case then I’ll let you guys know. Once again, thank you all for having been a part of my life, I enjoyed it, I just didn’t enjoy myself. My dreams of starting a band, traveling the world, having children, those things might never be realized, but I didn’t deserve them anyway. I’m sorry to end this on such a whiny note, I really wanted to make this a little more lighthearted, I just don’t have it in me right now. My head hurts, I’m scared, but this has to be done.

I love you all, so very much, thank you for having made my experience in life better.  -Matt

[jebsplayshss]

some lovehacks.... feelings...... this got very long and goes all over the place but i wanted to write me thoughts,,,, hennyways

i love the chapter titles. they’re so classically click-baity and the previews makes it rly feel like. a show kind of? rather than a book. it’s just so fun.

HOWEVER

it’s also pretty... tiring. i feel like the script has its moments of super shining through, but a lot of it really falls flat and i think it’s because it relies a little too heavily on the romance aspect. we get these really pure, wonderful moments of character development and relationship building in scenes that are supposed to be read as intimate; but that kind of writing really fails... everywhere else. which is sad to say! because i think the story is kind of refreshing and fun in the choices world since it reads very sitcom-like versus the sort of narrative following that the other stories do-- this sort of sitcom style writing works as a double edged sword imo.

i suppose i can’t fault the story for focusing on the “romance” stuff. i mean, it’s called #LoveHacks. the customizable MC is a dating/romance advice writer. the story clearly revolves around getting the MC and our handsome white techie college buddy Mark to fall in love. i think the scenes between MC and Mark are really, really well-written and it’s clear they have chemistry and a lot of potential for a relationship. i can sympathize w/ most people not wanting to date Mark, though, because the romance is wildly predictable, haha

but i like Mark. he’s flawed and complex and very confused right now, as he just got out of a very long and very bad relationship. i think his relationship with Amy wasn’t just bad for him; it was bad on Amy too. they’re very different people who clearly grew apart and were both trying desperately to keep an unhealthy relationship going. i think they had a dependency on each other that just... wasn’t working. and they both knew it.

it was really unhealthy. bottom line. consider that Amy had deep trust issues with Mark and the fact that Mark got into emotional/depressive patterns (so frequently that Cole was able to recognize them and name them) when he couldn’t cope with Amy... i could talk for hours about the wild dynamic of their relationship and their individual character treatments, especially Mark post-breakup, but MOVING ON

all i’ve learned from lovehacks is that

ONTO THE OTHER CHARACTERS

okay i gotta talk about Sereena. if i don’t, i could die. she is quite possibly the most potential filled character in lovehacks.

and i am disappointed. every second. her character is written very poorly and i can’t tell if i’m supposed to think she’s a super tough badass who’s going to, ahem, Smash the Patriarchy or if i really am just supposed to cringe at her. i feel like she’s supposed to be a parody, kind of. nothing she says really speaks to being a feminist, especially an intersectional one. she kind of reminds me of me when i was, uh....

thirteen?

the whole feminist angle that the writers are going for in LoveHacks is... bad, in general. i really, honestly cannot tell how much of it is sincere and how much of it is supposed to be a joke. it’s a very fine line.

also who tf thought “stay woke!” was a super empowering thing for her to say when there’s like, legitimate context behind the phrase. sereena should not use those words. sereena should know better than to use those words. sereena is not good at being an anti-capitalist gay feminist

anyway,

brooke. i like brooke. she’s a really funny character. i figured she’d be very... dumb-but-super-nice blonde when we first met her, and i kind of still stick to that, but the sphere of prettiness thing was very cute. also going back to sereena; i like their friendship. i feel like brooke sort of keeps sereena grounded and open to new stuff since sereena’s the most stubborn horse i have Ever seen

ok now Cole: i’m a little.... eh? i love that he’s bisexual. i don’t love that he’s one of those “i gotta flirt with everyone ;-)” bisexuals. i appreciate the representation, but i don’t appreciate the overemphasis of “cole, local romantic.” it’s fun and works for him, ye. but as a bisexual i’m... weh?

horatio: very relatable as i am also a hipster who likes artisan cheeses and wearing beanies. he’s a very chill dude lol i see why everyone wants to date him. i absolutely spent diamonds on getting tara’s number mostly cause i’m also in love with her and the premium scene that came w/ it was super fun and refreshing and the kind of writing that really shines in lovehacks.

i don’t got much else to say because so far he’s been very very good good and i am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth

i’m very tired writing all of this. waht else can i say

i like that we are able to play as all six of the main friendos. i think they all need more fleshin’ out ofc, but that comes with time

i like that mc’s article/job stuff isn’t fully pushed on the backburner and we get to see her work life too. it’s cute and fun. felix is my son

mark and mc deserve better. i am very stressed about the next chapter’s preview. please save them.

ok i’m done and going 2 bed farewell every1 pls talk to me about lovehacks later

[charliedayofficial]

do you have any fics that are JH and after s8 where they like get back together?

Hi, anon! Sorry for taking so long to respond but I’ve been scouring all of my previously read fics and the ones in my TBR folder to see what I can recommend to you. While I haven’t read all of these, I've skimmed them all enough to the point where they’re written in a style I like(I’m not big on script format or first person fics). Anyway, here is what I was able to dig up for you!

Nowhere But Lost by Zenkindoflove

Author Summary: Hyde is cynical, depressed, alone, and would really like to keep it that way. But what happens when something inside of him resurfaces and is more than unhappy about his current living arrangements? JH, ED COMPLETE!

My Thoughts: This is seriously one of my all-time favorites. Characterization is great, the plot is great, JH is so fucking cute, and there isn’t much to complain about when it comes to the writing. While this plot isn’t THAT unique, it really doesn’t matter. PLEASE READ!

Outside Looking In by rebeldivaluv

Author Summary: Interconnected vignettes telling key moments in Jackie and Hyde’s relationship, as viewed by the people who know them best.

My Thoughts: Out of all the fics I’ve read, this seriously might be my absolute favorite. The characterization is really spot on, the characters are funny, the writing/story is amazing, and I get everything I want to see with JH. This one is pretty fluffy, which I can’t complain about. I’m really impressed that the author was able to craft a fluffy fic where JH have to get back together, but there’s no angst that makes your heart hurt. I really enjoy reading from other characters perspectives and how they see JH interact in different situations. Cannot recommend enough!

Steven Who? by kezztip

Author Summary: Set just after Misfire Season 8 – Jackie’s world tumbles in on her when she realizes it is really over for her and Hyde and seeks to escape how awful her reality has become. The method of that escape is pure Jackie

My Thoughts: A perfect mix of angsty, funny, and sweet. kezztip is the queen of writing season 8 fics

Come Clarity by Zenkindoflove

Author Summary: Twenty years is a long time to stay gone…

My Thoughts: I personally find this to be the most accurate post season 8 fic where more than 3 years have passed. I’ve never found it believable in other post-season 8 fics where Hyde has a significant other that isn’t Jackie. Jackie changed the game for him so I don’t see him able to fully/truly commit to someone else. This fic is beautiful, cute, funny, and JH is in their purest form. I also enjoy that the author didn’t have the story focus on them talking through their issues from their last breakup, it was more so on reconciliation and finding each other. I wouldn’t say this fic is fluff, but I also wouldn’t say that it’s angsty. Please read it though lol

20 Questions by ShanghaiLily

Author Summary: Just after New Year’s day in 1980, Jackie Burkhart decides to disappear from the basement to save her sanity. When Xmas rolls around and the Formans beg Jackie to attend their party, she ends up involved in an elaborate game of 20 Questions with Hyde that could change both of their lives. T-rated w/ some M chapters. Story is COMPLETE! This one is for the Zennies who hate Season 8!

My Thoughts: This story is really enjoyable, but not perfect. This author tends to be really hit or miss with the characterization of the characters so it can be slightly irritating. Even though how JH and their relationship is described can be frustrating, the story is good enough to look past it. This story just has a really creative way of getting JH back together

The Morning After by ShanghaiLily

Author Summary: Jackie goes to Las Vegas for Fez’s wedding, drinks a little too much, and then wakes up in married to the last person she ever thought would commit to her. This is what happens the morning after.

My Thoughts: Like I mentioned earlier, this author really has hit-or-miss characterization. I really like this fic though because I’m a sucker for Hyde not only being a complete sap over Jackie, but it’s nice to see him kiss her ass. Let’s be real, we all deserve it after the travesty of season 8

That’s My Baby by kezztip

Author Summary: This is a JH story with a twist instead of the wedding and baby being the happy ending, it’s going to be the rocky start. All of you who love to watch Jackie outzen Hyde will be on board with this one.

My Thoughts: This is definitely my favorite kezztip fic. Jackie is so strong in this fic, which I can never get enough of. The author really has Donna grovel to Jackie as well because Donna is TERRIBLE to her in season 8. The writing and characterization are just so well done in this story. I seriously cannot stress that enough! I find it to be the most realistic JH reunion fic post-season 8 because of Jackie’s attitudes towards the gang, her new life/job, and her new outlook on life. After Fez, I can really see her shutting down her hopeless romantic side so she can focus on something she can control; like work. The middle of the fic kind of drags because it’s very clear what the author intends to do, but it quickly picks back up once that part of the story is resolved. This is a must read, especially with what you’re looking for!

The Right Road Lost by zpplnchick

Author Summary: After a car accident, Hyde wakes up to a twisted version of reality he comes to find is actual hell and with no memory of how he got there, a hell that Jackie’s been living in for the past few months. Set during Season 8, shortly after “Sweet Lady”.

My Thoughts: A more detailed, drawn-out, and angstier version of “Nowhere But Lost”

The Tough Get Going by kezztip

Author Summary: What if Jackie went back to her job in Chicago instead of sticking around Point Place to take Hyde’s crap? Say hello again to the strong, determined Jackie we saw glimpses of in Season 7 as she finds a new love but then is pursued by her old love JH AU

My Thoughts: !STRONG JACKIE! and the plot kind of reminds me of a rom-com

Made Bare by mistymountainhop

Author Summary: A heartbroken Hyde considers his relationship with Jackie kaput. Too bad Jackie sees it differently. She intends to get a proper resolution with him, but breaking through his hostility—and getting past his wife—may well prove impossible

My Thoughts: Noone understands JH better. Period.

November Rain by luvcali76

Author Summary: JH Post Season 8. A torrid encounter on Halloween night, 1984, leads ex-couple, Jackie and Hyde, to spend the next month reevaluating their past.

My Thoughts: *sigh* I really hesitate adding this to my list because I really hate this fic. The only thing I like about it is the last chapter, but even that is eh. This is a really popular fic in the fandom, but it’s definitely not for me. I find it too angsty, I don’t buy Hyde in another serious romantic relationship, and I don’t buy Jackie cheating. There’s a trend in some JH fics where they have Jackie cheat on whoever she’s with so she can have these one-night-stands with Hyde. It’s not in Jackie to cheat, no matter who it’s with. It bothers me and the plot isn’t good enough for me to look past it. It’s super angsty too, which also aren’t my favorite so maybe that’s why I don’t like it so much. I’m adding it to the list though because many people do like it, and you may be one of them!

Imagine by heatherlea75

Author Summary: 1980 has been a lousy year for the entire gang, particularly Hyde and Jackie. When a beloved cultural icon dies, the two take an impulsive trip to New York, together. While there, they remember old impressions of one another and discover new things about themselves

My Thoughts: While this is a JH classic in the fandom and a ton of people love it, I’m not the biggest fan. One of the main problems I had with it was I found Jackie acting way too desperate to appease Hyde after all he had done to her in season 8. It is important to note that the writing is solid and there were parts of the story that I did enjoy. While it may not be my cup of tea, you may like it!

Chasing the Time by pastelpink

Author Summary: Everything was different apart from one thing: Jackie still loved Hyde. (Set during Season 8)

Cliches and Things They Say by heatherlea75

Author Summary: Jackie is looking forward to the new direction her life has taken. Hyde is happy with the same old, same old of his. But when once faces a familiar and seemingly inevitable situation, and the other an unexpected dressing down, both reevaluate their lives.

My Thoughts: I’m surprised that I haven’t read this yet, but I found it buried down deep in my TBR folder. The writing is solid, there’s definite angst, and you’ll definitely get the ending you’re looking for!

Misguided Ghosts by JoyfulHeartEO

Author Summary: The gang has left, Jackie and Hyde are the only ones left. But after Sam left they stopped talking. When something happens to Jackie will Hyde be there for her? Or will he be selfish and only help himself. Its time to grow up, but will he?

My Thoughts: While this fic is incomplete and not the best written, there’s a super sweet Hyde in it which is always a fun thing

Life As A House by kezztip

Author Summary: A Crossover with the movie - Jackie’s Uncle George invites her to spend the summer with him to help with a ‘special project’. She agees but she will get more than she bargained for when she finds out the real reason behind her Uncle’s invitation.

My Thoughts: kezztip is one of my favorite fanfic authors for season 8 related fics. She usually crafts a strong Jackie who stands up for herself, something that we didn’t get to see in season 8. While this isn’t the best fic she’s written, it’s still worth a read!

Friends or Lovers? by JoyfulHeartEO

Author Summary: N/A

My Thoughts: This fic is super long and the author is known for their sugary sweet fics. From what I’ve skimmed, this looks to be her attempt at an angsty fic. This could be a hit-or-miss, but it should be pretty decent 

Pain Without Love by YouLivexYouDie

Author Summary: Three-shot. Jackie Burkhart is about to experience something life changing. She will never be the same afterward nor will the people who love her. Eventual JH

My Thoughts: This actually looks really good! The writing looks pretty well done and what I’ve seen has definitely intrigued me. While this place during season 8, it’s still basically what you’re looking for

Happy Holidays by YouLivexYouDie

Author Summary: Three-shot. Jackie planned on spending the holidays alone, that was until Eric Forman decided to come back from Africa early. JE friendship, eventual JH.

My Thoughts: I love fics with Jackie and Eric friendship, especially when Eric helps JH and their relationship. This also takes place during season 8 instead of after

All It Takes Is Love by SwanseaGurl

Author Summary: Jackie Hyde post season 8, two shot

My Thoughts: Also takes place during season 8(Sam is still there so it’s season 8 no matter what the author says) and it’s pretty short. Regardless, I think it’s one of the better short season 8 fics that I’ve read

For Her Sake by heatherlea75

Author Summary: Jackie and Hyde’s final break up is brutal, though all is not as it seems. When his involvement in certain activities forces Hyde to take drastic action, the fate of his complicated relationship with Jackie appears doomed. But is it?

My Thoughts: This is such a good fic! There’s romance, crime, mystery, and plenty of drama! I’m really picky about season 8 fics, especially if Sam is in it. The author was really creative with this story, so I highly recommend! 

Let me know if y’all want any other fic recs

[purplesurveys]

1206

surveys by xmusicdudettex

#1

How many people close to you have passed away? I’ve had many relatives who’ve passed away; they all meant a lot, of course, but as for the ones I had been truly close with, I can think of 6. There’s also Nacho, so that’s 7 in total.

Did you ever have the wild experience of having insane next-door neighbors? Yeah we used to have neighbors that had these really rowdy, terribly-behaved teenage kids who often brought their equally noisy friends over. That wasn’t a fun time and I was so relieved when they moved out.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room or urgent care? If so, why? Nah. I’ve been confined once but it wasn’t an emergency situation.

Have you ever had to visit anyone in the hospital? Nope. I mean, there have been situations where a loved one had had to stay in the hospital but our parents never took us with them when they visited.

Have you ever had any near-death experiences? I wouldn’t say so. I had that one horrible near-car accident while driving to school a few years back, but I don’t think it would’ve been it for me if it actually happened. My car would’ve totally been wrecked, though.

What are your fears? Are we talking petty fears or long-term ones? Anyway, I hate cockroaches and I’m also afraid of being left alone in the future.

How well do you manage under stressful situations? I was terrible at it at first and was always prone to breakdowns. But since my job has such a high-pressure nature to begin with changes happening every minute, I’ve become more used to stressful situations.

Do you tend to bottle things up inside or can you open up? I bottle them up and just wait for the moment that I can’t take it anymore to finally cry and break down.

What is the most pain (physical, mental, emotional) you've ever felt? Physical: Either my snorkeling injury or my fever from last year where I felt like a literal living corpse.

Mental/Emotional: That brief period of time last year where I dealt with fresh graduate existential crisis, unemployment, and a breakup all at once.

Have your past experiences changed you as a person? For sure. I have a completely different mindset and approach to things now thanks to stuff I had to go through.

Do you believe that you can grow from your past experiences? Yes.

What is the longest time you've spent crying? A whole night.

How do you relieve your negative feelings? I don’t, really. Sometimes crying and acknowledging my sadness can be the healthiest thing to do. But if it’s manageable, I find relief from trying to do things that make me happy.

Have you ever had to deal with suicide in any way, shape, or form? Yuh.

Has anyone ever broken your trust? Yes.

If so, did it damage your ability to trust anyone at all? I wouldn’t say at all but it’s been considerably damaged.

Have you ever been stolen from? No.

Have you ever grown apart from someone? Yeah. Some have been for the best; some just happened naturally so I feel mostly indifferent about the drifting apart.

Have you ever had a best friend move away? Yes, when my two best friends moved to different countries at roughly the same period.

Are you generally a happy, sad, mad, or apathetic person? Happy with a dash of apathetic, hahaha.

Have you ever been in a fight? ??? Of course?

Did you ever run away from home? No but as an angsty teenager/the trouble child, I definitely had these thoughts. Looking back at it now, it’s hilarious how rebellious I felt but still had the self-awareness that I had absolutely nowhere to go to if I did run away lol

Do you have any unstable or rocky relationships with anyone? Yeah, this is me and my mom for the most part.

Have you ever had to cut someone out of your life for your own good? Yes.

Have you ever had to call 911? If you'd like to share the story, feel free. No, I don’t think we have that service here because Philippines.

Have you ever been seriously threatened? I don’t think so.

Have you ever had any serious injuries? Yep, the aforementioned snorkeling injury had been pretty rough.

Has anything you've ever been through changed you negatively? Possibly, but I always try to focus on how I’ve grown from situations.

Have you ever been in the hospital? If so, what for? I have. Something that we thought had been dengue but was (thankfully?) just a low platelet count.

What is the longest you have been sick for? A week and a half.

Are you ready to reclaim your life and take back what's yours? I’m getting there.

#2

What is the song for your life right now? Lost by BTS.

Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? When it comes down to it I don’t believe in an afterlife, but nonetheless this is a very comforting thought to stay in.

Who would you be the most excited to see? My grandfather and my dogs.

Have you lost, or almost lost, someone close to you to death this year? I lost 3 of them within the same month.

Did you lose any of your friends this year? If so, how? Gabie, though she really hasn’t been my friend in a while; I just decided to absolutely pull the plug this year. Cut off all ties, deleted all photos and videos.

Have you experienced anything new this year? If so, what? I got into K-Pop hahahahahahahahaahahaaahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? No only because I don’t really get to encounter them. I’d definitely read one if I found one lying around, though.

Have you ever been to a ghost town? Hmm, I don’t think so.

Have you ever been white water rafting? I have not.

Do you enjoy meeting new and interesting people? Yes, especially those who have been through a lot in life and have a lot of fascinating stories to tell.

Would you rather read the book or watch the movie? Watch the movie.

Do you enjoy doing crossword puzzles and/or word searches? Love word searches, crossword puzzles not so much.

Do you know anyone who is serving in the military right now? No, not personally.

Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? Neither of them did/do.

Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? No.

Have you ever been inside of a vacant house? We used to spend weekends in our current home back when it was already fully constructed, but we still didn’t have the means to fill it up with furniture. We spent some time here so my mom could keep the place clean, but it had been entirely devoid of any furniture or appliance then.

Have you ever been attacked by a dog? Nope.

Have you ever hugged a stranger you thought was someone else? I’ve mistakenly held a stranger’s hand as a kid, but I don’t think I’ve gone all the way and hugged the wrong person.

As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? Yes. Because I had a name perceived to be masculine and because my mom loved to keep my hair painfully short throughout my entire childhood.

Is it easy for you to see when someone's lying? Eh, sometimes. Some people are still effortlessly good at lying.

Did you ever cut your own hair when you were little? No.

Are you able to handle small amounts of sleep? I can now. I used not to but these days I usually run on 4-5 hours of sleep.

If you could instantly know any language in the world, what would it be? Korean pls.

What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen? In person? Hmm. Probably roadkill, even though I feel bad saying it.

Do you get stage fright? Sometimes. It comes and goes.

How old were you when you learned how to read? I was around 4 or 5.

This year, how many times have you been to the doctor? Zero.

[the-little-red-noodle]

7/3/19 11:39pm the aftermath

Spencer and i broke up today.

I am so exhausted. My eyes hurt from crying. My chest hurts from breathing and thinking and seeing him. I feel hollow but also so fucking heavy i can’t move. I feel hurt, i feel frustrated, i feel confused and i feel so fucking angry that this is happening one of the weekends i was looking forward to the most this summer. I am really really frustrated and really sad.

I had been in costa rica for like 10 days. I was so excited to see him. I just landed at the airportand he texted that he was on his way to my house and i was excited that i would have most of the day and the night to be with him. I would get to talk about the trip and be excited and kiss him and talk about the larp.

Fuck i just wish he could express anything ever. Fuck.

Where was i? I got home, i was trying on larp stuff and being excited and he got there and he seemed normal and we went to my room and i changed back into normal clothes and he sat on the other end of my bed and i was motioning for him to sit with me and he moved to still sit across from me and i was like what’s up?

And he just sat there holding my hands and stuttering and trying to speak and stopping and then i said,

Are you trying to break up with me?

And he said yes, I’m sorry. And i just felt like confused and like aw he’s having trouble speaking but also what are you doing?

And then i was like why? Why are you doing this right now, we have such a fun weekend planned and we have a party tomorrow and a larp and all this to celebrate together, why are you doing this now? You couldn’t have waited until after our fun weekend, until after my fun weekend? Until after i could do the stuff i had been so excited about and planning and planning with you? You couldn’t have waited??

Theres never a good time..

There fuckin is, it’s called ANY of the times i brought it up to you that thigs weren’t working. ANY of the times i said we weren’t communication well. ANY of the times i said i wasn’t happy or that we’re so different or that we just love differently. THATS when you mention the fact that you feel that way too. You fucking. Tell. Me. You fucking say hey I’ve been feeling that way too, we are super different, our communication doesn’t work well together, idk if I’ve been super happy. You fucking say something then. You don’t calm me down over and over saying that we’ll work it out we’ll work it out and then drop this on me literally an hour after i get home from a trip and before this really fun weekend that i would have liked to enjoy. I really was looking forward to this stuff and now you fucking ruined it. I’m not the kind of person who deals with shit by going out partying and pretending everything is fine. I fucking know it’s not fine and i see peoples faces looking at me with the “how ya doin?” face and the pity and the “oh wheres spencer?”

Dude, fuck you.

It’s not like i didn’t also think the relationship wasn’t working. I went back and forth so many times on whether or not to end it or stick it out, but i wouldn’t have fucking dropped it on you right before you had a bunch of important shit to do

Fuck you

Of course i knew it wasn’t working, we been knew. It hasn’t been working since the start frankly, we don’t communicate cohesively. I actually have emotions? And talk about them? And want to hear how you feel about stuff? What a fucking concept???

Fuckkkk youuu

I actually cared enough to go out of my way all the damn time to do what you needed, and show you how i felt, and love you the way you receive it best. Where was my gesture? Where was forthought into doing something for me? Where were any words that actually came from your heart and not phrases that i said were special to me?

Dude, fuck you man.

I’m angry. I’m really really frustrated because we talked so many times about when i was having doubts and when i was feeling like we needed help and we needed to fix shit and where i asked you over and over AND OVER!! HOW YOU FELT! That’s when you fuckig say something! You fucking tell me hey I’ve been having some doubtsabout the relationship and I’m not sure if I’m happy, and then we would have talked, seen that we felt the same way, and ended things respectfully together. But instead, you kept that shit in for months so you could blindside me before i have shit to do

FUCK. YOU.

How do you expect relationships to go? We small talk, fuck, eat, and sleep? And give each other space but don’t ever text or talk while we’re apart? What kind of relationship is that?

Beat change

What kind of relationship was i settling for? With someone who, not wouldn’t, but couldn’t share their feelings. Someone who was incable of really anything involving emotional intelligence. Someone who RARELY asked me how i was doing or what i was thinking about or how i was feeling. Never asked about my past, never knew HUGE pieces of who i am because he never bothered to dig around? He never knew about my depression, or the self harm, or the eating disorder, just a few. So many parts of what ultimately made me me and he just never asked. I asked about him CONSTANTLY and i could never get much.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i have to do so much fucking legwork to get the affection i need and so much effort to train him how to respond to a text in less than an hour. What was i settling for? Because he was the one? Hell no, we been knew this was casual from the start

OH THAT TOO! BITCH THIS WHOLE OPERATION WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!

We weren’t even dating! We weren’t a couple! We were hooking up and then YOU decided you liked me more and YOU decided you wanted to be exclusive and YOU wanted me to be your girlfriend and YOU initiated all those conversations that got us here. And then YOU have the audacity (I’m being dramatic) to step out after you decide theres no fixing us when you didn’t even give it a fair shot. When i brought up how to make us better and how i asked how you felt about every little thing just to gain an inch of insight into what the fuck was ever on your mind.

What kind of relationship was i settling for? Where i had to stretch to get reassurance. Where i had to stretch to get validation. Where no compliment came free or unprovoked. Basically everything you ever told me was because i fucking prompted you to speak. If i hadn’t, we wouldn’t. If i didn’t start a conversation, there was no conversation.

God i am so fucking angry about it. Yes I’m sad and we’ll get to that, but I’m really fucking angry. And i feel guilty because i want to shut down and not be social but i feel like people are fucking relying on me to show up to stuff and drive people to things and camp and do all this and i fuckiiiiinnnggg wanna just not.

But i can’t be a hermit because then i let everyone down. If i bail that means mark has no ride or tent and julia won’t go and shell be bummed and shea will be mad because I’ll miss another fucking larp and everything falls on me

But if i go, i know myself, and I’m gunna be a fucking wreck the whole time. I’m gunna be crying and not wanting to participate and I’m gunna have to watch all the couples be happy and be like “so wheres spencer? What happened? Are you okay?”

I hate are you okay.

Fuckin..???? Like..???? Naw?? I got dumped before a bunch of shit i was super excited for and now can’t be excited because I’m heartbroken and have to do all this shit without him after getting my hopes up that he would go and it would be so romantic and right up our alley and so fun.. and now it’s fucking ruined and everytime i think about the larp, i think about how many people are counting on me to go and how people will say they understand but are also super disappointed and secretly hate me for throwing a wrench in our plans

BUT ITS NOT MY FUCKING WRENCH

ITS HIS WRENCH BECAUSE HE COULDNT HAVE FUCKING TOLD ME HOW HE WAS FEELING MONTHS AGO OR, and i can’t stress this enough, FUCKING WAITED UNTIL AFTER.

I’m mad because he knew how important this weekend was to me, that i literally cut my family vacation short to spend time with him, and i can’t even get to enjoy it with my friends now cuz i swear theyre all gunna be looking at me and thinking ah shit is she ok, should we say something, is she drinking too much, is she eating too much, is she blinking too much, hey are you okay?

I’m frustrated too because i swear i went back and forth on breaking up with him so much and i can’t believe he’s the one who did it, and blindsided me, and ruined my fun weekend. I literally texted mark like a week before my trip in a frenzy like I NEED TO BREAKUP WITH SPENCER! And he talked me down. Yah, mark talked me down. Who always seemed to hate spencer and not like that we were dating, he fucking talked me out of ending it. MARK.

Dude, fuck you, right now. Fuck you for not being about to just talk to me. Fuck sake, it can’t seriously be that difficult to have an emotion formed into a single thought right? I do it constantly. How hard is it to say “i feel like we’re having problems” or “I’m struggling” or fucking anything. Nah, just keep it in and unleash it on the worst time possible. Sounds super.

Fuck you man.

Ima go to bathroom or something. I need to walk this off. Fuck I’m so angry

Also, fuck you for the corny friend line near the end

“I hope that someday-“ “i swear to god if you say that we can still be friends..” “well.. yeah, id like to”

Like, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, i don’t wanna be your friend, dude. We don’t really have a lot in common, it’s kinda part of why we’re breaking up, remember?

The couples who usually stay friends after a breakup are the ones who have a ton in common and lose attraction for each other, whereas spence and i have eh not a lot a lot in common, and i reaaallyy attracted to him. That pairing doesn’t bode for great friends. That sets us up to be like fuck buddies again. No, i don’t wanna be friends. At least not now. I basically said we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, but honestly, fuck that noise, ok? That’s basically u saying that I’m not attractive and that youd be fine just hanging out in groups and hitting on my friends.

Pass.

I’m glad i asked about romy tho. I always thought he had a thing for her and maybe that was why he wanted to end things. Theyd make a good match i guess. Both of them are incapable of expressing any emotions and are crazy stoners.

Man i am not gunna miss the potheads. Omigod. I worry so fucking much about his health and I’ve told him many times. Youll notice, if you read the records back, not once has he expressed interest in my health. Never commented on drinking or working out or anything really. Never worried about my safety ever. Not even after i was sexually assaulted, which i know is a low blow, but honestly..??? Where was the concern? Where was the fuck that guy attitude? If someone had groped spencer, you better believe i would say some shit. I would fucking destroy them. I wouldve done anything to keep him safe, including getting sexually assaulted so that i could get his drunk ass home. Whos gunna carry you back to your dorm anymore? Whos gunna take care of you when you’re throwing up from alcohol poisoning? Won’t be ANY of the people in your inner circle, I’ll tell you that much. Your friends don’t give a shit about your health and it shows and it broke my heart everytime. I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

I watched your friends ignore you vomiting.

And then offer you weed. Then you threw up again and they passed out. Ffucking what? call me overattentive, but thank god you had me those nights. When you passed out drunk behind a tent at BFtR or when you got too high at a wonderland party or when you drank too much at the alpha toga party and were throwing up in ralphs bags while your friends IGNORED YOU. whos gunna do that for you now? Are you gunna end up dead after a delta party one day because your friends don’t give a shit about you? I worried about this NONSTOP. Because i cared so much about you, and i still do. And i would worry every time youd leave the house and go to bars or whatever because i know that something like that is going to happen again, and I’m not gunna be there to pick up the pieces and give you a placw to sleep and make sure you drink water and take medicine and care about you. Tell me which one of your “friendsl is going to care about you the way i did. Cuz I’ve watched them all fail that test frankly and it breaks my heart.

But i guess.. that’s not my problem anymore. The days of getting you home safe after one too many is over. The nights of staying up till 5 am holding your hair up are over. The conversations I’ve tried to have about your health and hoping youd change those habits is over. Cuz it can’t be my problem anymore. Cuz i can’t watch you kill yourself anymore. I can’t watch you poison yourself everyday anymore. I can’t watch you hurt and hurt and shove it all down anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t watch you be high anymore. I can’t look at you with your eyes drooping anymore. I can’t worry about you taking weird drugs and acid and wondering if you’re okay anymore. Cuz I’m not your girlfriend anymore, and i can’t be your friend either. But i hope you get such a friend soon. I hope you find a better person to look after you a little. Cuz I’ve watched too many of your “friends” just inable you to do dumb dangerous shit. I can’t watch it anymore

I’m not gunna fight for us to stay together. I’m not gunna ask you to reconsider. I’m gunna (try to) not reach out. I don’t wanna talk. Theres nothing more to say. Anything else, all of this, is just me being angry. And needing to get out anger, but it doesn’t ever need to see him. He doesn’t need to hear how I’m feeling. He doesn’t need to see me suffer. He doesn’t need to hear that I’m angry or sad or doing well. He feels enough guilt as it is, and i don’t need to add to it.

But i can still be angry. And i can still be sad. And at some point, I’m gunna do okay. Because that’s how this shit goes. You go up and you go down and you have friends, real friends, there to catch you. And i hope you do too.

For now, it’s too hard. It’s too hard to look at my instagram with pictures of you. It’s too hard to see your face. It’s too hard to think about what to do about your mom and sister that follow me. It’s too hard to think about if i want to take the pictures down.. cuz what if you do..

I guess i should probably sleep.. but i just feel really fucking hollow. And really fucking heavy. And really fucking tired. But really fucking sad... like really fucking sad..

And i bet he’s feeling none of it. Cuz that’s what he does. He pushes everything away and never talks about how things affect him.

As we were talking, he said that this was the most he’s cried in the past years combined. And considering the last year he had, that is really fucking sad. In some ways it’s nice to know i had a big impact, but also like.. god.. he needs to be talking to someone. He needs a therapist. He needs help. He says he doesn’t, but he does. We dated for 10 months and he couldn’t talk about his dad. We never talked about my past. He really scimmed the surface of what a connection should be, and that’s really sad. And he ended it before he could make some real improvement because he was getting better.. really slowly but he was.

Idk what to do with myself. Idk how to feel or what to say or who to say it to. I want to sleep and i want to do yoga tomorrow. And i want to figure it out from there.