#but I wanted to reconnect so I made this blog and I've found lots of trans women it really was not that hard

[josies-not-suicidal-now]

shout out to girls with dicks that don't work, I think we should play card games, and also I should blow you

[wachtelspinat]

hi! i found your blog like an hour ago (though i've been familiar with your art for a /long/ time; when i read that ask you got earlier about you being THE tf2 artist, i thought to myself, "wow, really? the only tf2 art i can think of that's deserving of that description is [vividly pictures YOUR fanart]" -- so when i checked your art tag it was genuinely like encountering a celebrity, heh. all this to say, you really ARE The TF2 Artist. it's an honor to finally properly follow your blog :]). i've been reading your posts about your personal journeys (both physical and emotional/self-conceptual) and i've just been... really really moved by it all? your openness with feeling disconnected with your art, and then how you've slowly come to reconnect with it in a new way and restructure it back into your life... it just fills me with so much catharsis and hope. because life is hectic and things change so much and the way that one creates art as an adult is going to be different than how one created art as a teenager... so to see you acknowledge that fact and then share your own journey? ahh god like i said... it's really profound. i'm a lot younger than you (i turn 20 next month, actually!), so you've experienced so much more to life than me, and hearing how you've struggled with and then gotten out of so many of the fears that i have is just... deeply, deeply inspiring to me. especially your latest posts about your time in australia, and how it's always been something you've wanted to do but spent so many years stuck/anxious/stagnant... and how now you've finally actually *done it* and it's *real* and that you had the most amazing incredible time that exceeded all your expectations?!?! and not only that, but how finally achieving this thing you've always wanted changes the narrative of how you previously defined yourself... that now maybe you ARE the sort of person who can do the things you love and have the things that make you happy... maybe i'm projecting too much here heh god but my point is. it just made me very emotional and so VERY very utterly elated for you :'] and just augh. i am so glad you've had this incredible experience. and like i've said half a dozen times by now (because it's just so true) it is just. so inspiring to me. everything you've shared with such honesty and humanity has been just so profoundly moving to see and it fills me with so much hope. thank you for sharing your journey with us, and thank you as always, past and present and future, for your art. i hope this message isn't too terribly parasocial, and if it is, i apologize ;_; and i hope you're having a lovely day!!!

hey there !

this kind of hit me like a truck but in the most positive way, and i am not exaggerating when i say what you wrote also brought me to tears.

first of all thanks for your generous words regarding my art and sdkjfhkjas i still cannot wrap my head around the idea that you (and at least one other person) thinks about me as THE tf2 artist because... i like my art just fine, it's just there are other folks out there, with their almost god-like tf2 art, meanwhile i just spammed y'all with my sniperxspy art and some random silly stuff over the years... but i love it, so thank you so so much, the thought that you guys dig my art this much will always knock me right off my feet in the most positive way 🧡🧡🧡

ok so, the next part took me a while to formulate because how do i respond to such a heartfelt message in a way that shows my gratitude just right? like i want to thank you again for reaching out and writing all this, but also for taking your time and reading through my blog. i know that everything i post here is open to the internet and a lot of ppl, so sharing personal information (in form of updates in life) is not always the best idea. but i always admired ppl on here that were able to reflect on their lives and share what they've learned. even if it's just somethig as simple as "and after each day comes another and it will be different, for the worse or the better, but different at least", which, falling on the right ears at a specific time, can change perspective (it did for me on multiple occasions, this and other takes, because hearing from ppl who go through similar things is a sad reality, but also such a connecting experience). so in a way, sharing is caring, and so talking about life experiences, especially when they are kind of abstract, like art blocks, depressions, can really open some unexpected doors.

so what also happened after being open about vulnerable situations in life was ppl reaching out. and this was really something that left me so speechless. i had several ppl who took their time and wrote to me about their experiences and ways of coping strategies and other helpful actions. and sometimes they just acknowledged what i wrote which was such a warm gesture that made me feel seen. and i cannot put into words how much that meant to me when i felt at my lowest a few years back. let's be honest for a second, on here we hardly know each other, even if we are mutuals, but that doesn't stop us from reaching out to one another because that is such a big part of the human experience.

sorry for rambling but it is hard, at least for me, just trying to fully grasp it all. it makes me so happy to read that catching up on the things i wrote about my life resonated with you on a deeper level and that it gave you something back in exchange - catharsis and hope. i am deeply touched by your words and your ability to grasp the essence of what i tried to convey, it feels almost surreal to have it summarized and reflected so clearly when my original thoughts were scattered all over my blog over a span of multiple months, years even. like, really, thank you so much for all of this, the time and thoughts you put into your message, your genuine expression of your feelings and joy on my behalf, it means a lot and i fail to put my thanks into words, idk... i feel seen again. and no worries, i don't think this is too parasocial, after all i put my thoughts out there, and you just happened to read them 🧡

so again and again, thank you so much, and i also hope you have a lovely day <3

[maya-chirps]

[ID: a screenshot of a reblog by @/fleurtygurl. It reads: "Omg instant follow! I need more Philippines facts in my life!!! 😭😭😭

If you have any facts about filipino myths? That would be amazing. But also I will literally eat up everything you post!

I'm in desperate need of reconnecting with my roots, but I've been so busy that I haven't had any time to do any extensive research...."

/End ID]

@fleurtygurl Decided to make a whole post based on this because I loooove talking about Filipino mythology and researching more about different mythologies within the country and I also hadn't gone around to looking through the things I want to learn about.

Filipino mythology is a pretty huge umbrella term considering that there are hundreds of cultures in the archipelago that have different beliefs, practices, and traditions and especially before the Spanish colonial period. I won't get too deep into it, but basically if you want to learn about some grander pantheon or some general overarching compendium of beliefs that all precolonial Filipinos believe in, you won't be getting that sine historically, Filipinos were not a unified people, but a bunch of different countries and communities that were placed under one governing body for easy management for the Spanish crown.

With so many Filipino cultures and, by extension, mythologies, the best way with trying to reconnect with your heritage, it might be best to figure out which ethnic group you may have connections too and start researching from there. In my case, for example, I would look up both Tagalog mythology, Bikolano mythology, and Ilokano mythology in order to get a good grasp of the mythology of my roots since I'm mixed Tagalog, Bikolano, and Ilokano, and those three have widely different beliefs and especially with folk religion.

I guess the main issue with this is a lot of sources related to Filipino myths are often difficult to find, are unreliable, or plainly just non-existent. Lots of books are often out of circulation and print, or if they are still in print, they are often only sold by specific retailers and often cost a lot of money. Research papers are locked behind a paywall or are only available through specific e-libraries you can only access if you have an affiliation with a university. Online articles may be unreliable and source places that are hard to fact check. Blogs, honestly including mine to be frank, may parrot wrong information from other websites and articles, with their best feature being the possibility that they may have come from oral sources but those are also very few.

Honestly, I was about to go on a long tangent about discussing at least the Tagalog pantheon and mythology because it had a lot of sources I've seen online, but after hours of research, I've found out that there was also a lot of unreliable sources in terms of information about that so I've decided against rambling on further about it for now.

(I am still going to write about my findings on the Tagalog pantheon later but after what I've found out, I might take some time to look through a lot more primary sources which means colonial era texts and harder to find archived works.)

I will say that a good way to connect with more general Filipino folklore outside of mythology itself is probably consuming media that explores folklore and traditional beliefs. I recommend Trese, a Filipino comic turned series on Netflix if you want to see Filipino cryptids being used in a modern-day story made by Filipinos. There are also other comics that focus on Filipino mythology like The Mythology Class and its sequel The Children of Bathala by Arnold Arre.

There's also series and movies that take inspiration from Filipino folklore and mythology with Dayo: Sa Mundo ng Elementalya (English name Niko: The Journey to Magika) as my go-to suggestion. I had also heard good reviews for Amaya, a series created by GMA 7, but honestly I don't think the series clicked with me.

[fandomshatepeopleofcolor]

This is less of a rant and more of a question but. Im chinese-american, and im really not used to seeing like. Good Chinese rep in popular media. Like. Genshin is the first thing Ive found where you know. Chinese ppl have actual personalities? And theres a very large cn fandom(and a big eng one too!)and its helped me reconnect with my culture in a way I cant ignore. But it's also Racist to a horrible degree. And I dont want to support that. But Genshin has helped me a lot so...What should I do?

OK so like I said to the last nonny that was talking about Genshin Impact... I don't believe this blog is here to like tell you what to do.

I will however suggest that you engage critically with genshin and in the fandom you can keep talking about the antiblackness/ antisemitism and other issues.

I also suggested to the other nonny that you start a blog to be critical of genshin impact. Like ok I've been a life long fan of star wars but it wasn't until oscar isaac that they had a latino in the star wars franchise. and even then I have lots of Opinions and Thoughts about how they made Oscar's character Poe a drug dealer and kinda like... didn't give his character the same weight narratively as Han Solo. Like for example how they gave Poe toxic masculinity traits and such. Like I know we haven't talked about it lately but we have talked about that and the antiblackness against John Boyega in the franchise and the fandom as well as the racialized misogyny of giving daisy ridley such a dark tan in the force awakens when she's really very pale.

Like it isn't enough to declare that a media is problematic and stop engaging with it. if you're going to continue with it you have to give reasons and essays and make your voice heard in the fandom. That's the burden of being a antiracist consumer of media.

mod ali

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[yinandyanglifestyle]

High Five Yourself!

by: Icie

New year, new reflections, but some things are pretty much the same. 2024 was rife with all kinds of gruelling and enjoyable things that happened in my life. I created this blog with my best friend Somaly to talk about our personal lifestyle choices and the shit that the two of us do in Australia, whether together or with other people.

I've seen things on stage last year: Chicago, Beauty and the Beast, Cirque Du Soleil Luzia, Wicked (for the 2nd time since 2014. This time with my other best friend Danielle.) The Chicago stage play wasn't what I expected (because I saw the movie first) and the Beauty and the Beast Musical wasn't what I expected either (it was updated to look more like the 2017 version instead of the 1991 but with a better dress than Emma Watson's.) Luzia was, for me, Cirque du Soleil's comeback after a bad one (Crystal).

I have been on several museum dates with my loved ones to see things about fairy tales, Lego dinosaurs, Alphonse Mucha, Iris van Herpen, and Ancient Egypt. Though Australia's museums aren't as world renowned as others, we try our best and a trip to the museum is always educational and awe-inspiring.

I also coloured a goddess for the artist Jash Lee. Not just in a Facebook group of sorts, but he approached me to do one for him personally. I wish I could have done better, but I'm an amateur!

I have been to festivals about cats, dogs and the annual Matsuri Brisbane. It's the 3rd time I went to the festival and I enjoy it every year.

My grief happened when I experienced the loss of my beloved dog Mallows. The sad thing about this was that I didn't see him in his last moments as I was in Australia while he was with my family in the Philippines.

I reconnected with my friends and family after 4 years of separation due to Covid. I finally met my nephew and was so excited when they visited me this time. We explored Brisbane and we took them to our favourite spots.

Then Gio and I explored Sydney and fell in love with Australia even more.

Other things I did was grinded coffee beans with an antique,

did a low cost cosplay of Anya Forger for Halloween,

created art with literal babies (8 months to 19 months) for Christmas which reconnected me to art,

and wasted a lot of time on Infinity Nikki (my game of the year). Did some Dreamlight Valley on the side too. I found out that I am getting too old for stressful games as my work is already too stressful, so I sauntered on to cozy games and never went back.

But what I really want to high five myself about was that I quit my good job for a better paying one. I was happy where I was and the people in the work place were amazing and fun. The work ethic was chill and I have made friends. But I wasn't progressing and I am full of ambition and I know my worth. Also, it was far from where I live.

I looked for a different job were I was placed in a leadership role with better pay as well, only to realise that it was a terrible one. It reminded me of the time I worked in companies that valued profit over the people and we were treated like numbers. I missed my old job and wished I could go back to my old one even if there was an invitation to go back from my previous owner. I cried from the stress every day. So I quit again and found a new one after staying there for just 4 months. Again, I know my worth.

And the new one is amazing! (even if it had lower pay.)

It may sound like I'm anti-work but I have never been prouder or happier that I moved on from them. I was proud that I didn't have to be a martyr to jobs that made me feel stagnant or jobs that are so toxic to its employees. I am proud and giving myself a high five for learning how to move on and treat myself to something better. I have learned not to just say yes to any company that offers me a lot of money because they are traps. Hopefully this new year and new endeavor will be good to me and the people around me but for now, I am giving myself a high five for everything that I've done in 2024. It was a good year, and I hope it's better this year.

[shychick-52]

OK. So. A number of you know I deactivated my old blog a few days ago without warning.

I was told a lot of people missed me and were worried. I was not expecting that, tbh. But I feel terrible. You guys are awesome. I'm sorry. 😭

Long story short, my anxiety, insecurities, and low self-esteem have been worse than ever. And I just thought "Fuck it" and decided to delete not only my old blog, but my AO3 too.

This was a TERRIBLE mistake.

I felt horrible... heck, that's an understatement. It was a GUT PUNCH when I realized what I did, which was immediately after I deleted everything. I dearly missed the connections I made, the content I enjoyed, and my own content. How could I have just thrown all that away?! And when I learned via email from a mutual that people were worried and cared, I felt worse than ever.

So, I came back. Because I genuinely wanted to. I've already reached out and reconnected with a lot of you. And I was not only able to find most of my mutuals and others I was following again, but I found most of my posts via a few others' reblogs too (good thing I knew where to look)!

I'm not 100 percent back yet. I've slowly began reblogging, but still won't be on as much for a couple of weeks. Trying to just relax and take it easy. In the meantime, I've signed up for AO3 again and am waiting for my invitation, which should be in a couple weeks.

After that, I'll restore all my stories from my orphaned AO3 account onto my new one and look for as many of my favorite stories and writers again to bookmark and subscribe to, which will take awhile. Then I'll resume work on my WIPs.

All of ya'll whose stuff on AO3 I left comments on, they'll say Orphaned Account now where I commented.

So, when you see a bunch of my DuckTales stories pop up on AO3 in a few weeks, that's me restoring my old stuff.

As for my former posts, I'm going to reblog them when I start posting regularly again. They'll be tagged as something like 'My posts from my old account'.

I'm OK, as I told some of you. Just need some time. You guys are too kind and supportive. But taking this time away has already helped me a lot.

[pmatga]

Just found your blog and I really like it ❤️ so if it's not too much trouble more head cannons about your OC please

you didn't specify which oc you meant so fuck it. you get Multiple

blair spellman

idk if i've ever mentioned it before (i probably have and i just forgot lol) but she has fire powers like her dad! they aren't as strong as his are though bc she's still alive and fleshy and made up of water. she really doesn't use her powers for anything more than lighting a cigarette when she can't find her lighter, however; that's bc she can't control them all that well. like she's not accidentally setting shit on fire left and right (not since puberty at least), but if she has a great emotional outburst (especially an angry outburst), Bad Shit might happen. thankfully blair didn't really inherit their father's temper so Bad Shit doesn't really happen all that often. don't get me wrong, they Do have issues with anger but that's more due to trauma than anything related to bets (plus she deals with her anger issues in a different, yet still unhealthy way)

is the type to wear axe body spray in lieu of Actually showering because "it’s basically the same thing, right?"

prefers nightclubs to house parties.

another thing that i don't remember if i've ever mentioned before: they were on the track team back in high school. their coach once told them that if they worked hard enough, they could really go places (funny how that worked out). she's not nearly as good of a runner than she used to be, but she can still, say, outrun a swarm of ghosts if she tries hard enough (adrenaline is crazy man)

their last name, spellman, is a surname they decided for themself. and even after reconnecting with their mom's side of their bio family, they still keep their last name as spellman. it's Important to them.

has little to no social media presence. like they have accounts but they never post, they mostly just lurk

she accidentally burned down the last place she worked at (a 7/11). an argument between her and a coworker got heated (pun only slightly intended) and…well. i'm sure you can guess. thankfully no else aside from blair & her coworker were there and they got out more or less fine, so she didn't kill or seriously injure anyone (and she's lucky she didn't). and bc they could never really prove it was her---everything pointed to an electrical fire, even if they could never figure out how the fire got started so quickly nor why it didn't spread beyond the store---she never got in trouble for it nor did she have to pay for it. it scared the shit out of her though, and ever since she tends to stay away from the vicinity.

robert jadeite

if he were in the show, there'd be a running joke abt him having Just So Many shitty jobs. does he just quit/get fired a lot, or does he actually have 15+ jobs? we will never know. for example: waiter, late night gas station attendant, cashier at pacmart (walmart), working the drive-thru at pacdonalds (mcdonalds), pacbucks barista (or maybe starpacs? idk), the guy at a water park who tells you when you can go down the slide, etc. he has so many jobs and he hates every single one of them.

has a semi-popular youtube (pactube?) channel. all his videos are either "sitting in my car or on my kitchen/bathroom floor" style rant vids or 1-3 hour long vids on a hyperfixation-induced rabbit hole he'd gone down.

prefers house parties to nightclubs.

has pretty bad insomnia. he's lucky if he gets 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

he's a college dropout (mental health reasons + mid-semester identity crisis) and was majoring in marketing prior to that. he currently doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and doesn't like thinking abt it bc thinking abt the future scares him.

orbitalia spheros

she’s betrayus & stratos’ half-sister and her bio dad is japanese (or pac-japanese? since tokyo is called pac-tokyo). she didn't meet her bio dad until later in life, as rotunda never told him abt orbitalia's existence. things were shaky between the two of them at first (orbie & her dad i mean) but they're more or less alright now

sunny and orbitalia were best friends back in high school. they drifted apart some in college but they were still very close. orbie & zac were Also friends but weren't As close as she and sunny were.

she Does Not have a good relationship with either of her brothers; she's never really been close with either of them tbh. it's mostly why she almost never comes down to pacopolis except to pick up elliptica whenever she visits.

has made a few attempts to get back into the dating scene over the years, but each and every time these relationships end up dissolving bc her heart's just...not into it (and also bc well. never receiving closure on whatever happened to her husband kinda makes it hard for her to properly grieve which makes it hard to Actually move on). she's still friends with most of her exes though.

akahiro murasaki

was Not A Fan of his in-laws. this is mostly for two reasons: 1.) if there is one thing that both of the spheros brothers are equally good at, it’s at testing the patience of everyone forced by social convention to interact with them, and 2.) orbitalia told akahiro Some Really Concerning Shit abt growing up with rotunda as a mother and stratos & betrayus as brothers. y'know that thing where you're telling someone what you think is a funny story only for them to look at you in horror bc it was actually traumatic? yeah. so while he was willing to be civil for orbitalia's (and later elliptica's) sake, he didn't really go out of his way to be overly friendly to them.

is a transhet man (he/him), he & orbitalia were t4t

liked wearing boots with slight heels (much like his brother-in-laws ironically enough). not really so he'd seem taller (he was 5'9" and was perfectly content with that) but bc they looked good and that's it

was quietly self-confident. he looked good, he was good at what he did, he knew it, and he didn't necessarily feel the need to flaunt it (those kind of ppl annoyed the hell out of him tbh).

that being said he Did have some insecurities, mostly abt whether or not he was actually a good husband and (later on) a good father. as i've said before, he wasn't the most emotionally demonstrative person in the world and he worried abt whether or not orbitalia & elliptica knew that he loved them. orbitalia did (even if she did occasionally have her doubts bc anxiety be like that) and elliptica did too (at the time, at least. nowadays elli's not entirely sure)

gwendolyn hollow

her voiceclaim is sally from the nightmare before christmas

you know how i once mentioned that she uses secret tape recorders to record things? yeah. she does that so 1.) she doesn't have to just rely on her poor memory, 2.) she can decipher anything she doesn't understand later, and 3.) as a sort of audio diary.

is an appreciator of small things, like buttons and strings of ribbon, rocks, animal bones, and such. sometimes she will stare at little things that interest her for so long that griffin or even the good doctor pacenstein himself have to tell her to “move along, girl.”

slightly related to the above hc: pacenstein & griffin call her "girl" a lot. keep in mind she's at least 20 years old.

her middle name, elizabeth, is derived from pacenstein's ex-fiancée elizabeth from way back in the 1800s. and yes it's fucking weird that a.) griffin let his great+ uncle name his first and only child and b.) pacenstein named his grand niece after his ex. like sure it's just her middle name but still. weird shit.

isn't allowed to interact or even show her face to any visitors to pacenstein manor. this is bc the last time she interacted with a visitor (it was literally just to take their coat), they took one look at her, got freaked out, and made an excuse to leave. she was never really told Why but was led to believe it was bc she resembles her great-uncle. it's not.

genuinely doesn't know Jack Shit abt almost anything that's happened outside the castle and what little she Has learned has been history from like...200 years ago, so nothing recent. a whole fucking WAR happened within her lifetime and she's completely unaware of any of it.

griffin hollow

as the caretaker of pacenstein manor and the only one who can/is allowed to leave the castle, he’s usually the one who takes care of dr. pacenstein’s personal affairs---gathering supplies and equipment for them both (yes sometimes this includes Literal Graverobbing), arranging meetings with potential clients, and finding out any recent developments in pacworld (never hurts to keep informed!).

is really fucking cowardly and tends to bend towards dr. pacenstein's will, especially where gwen is concerned. he is Far Too Willing to throw her under the bus if it means getting his great+ uncle's approval.

much like his great-uncle (and much like most of his contemporaries tbh), he believes that his intelligence is far superior to most people’s and that others should be grateful to bask in his presence. unlike his great-uncle (and most of his contemporaries), however, he also knows that this isn’t a stance that endears him to others, so he usually shuts up abt it.

he doesn't express anger in the traditional sense. like he won’t yell (most of the time), get physically violent (again most of the time), or even directly tell someone he’s angry. instead, he chooses to express anger by doing this…passive-aggressive, just downright weird shit whenever he's mad abt something. like "accidentally" locking someone in a room/out of the house, hiding things (usually sentimental possessions or necessary items like keys), turning off the heating/air conditioner with no warning, etc..

[9luttony]

ok so, a lot has changed since the last time i was here (last post july 17, 2021!) i'm not going to disclose too much about my personal life but many things have changed for me and i'm doing so much better now! initially i had stopped posting on this blog due to my ex who made me feel really silly for enjoying pretty much anything but i had stumbled back on this blog and had found an ask from @lordiavolo (hi!) and i was thinking about coming back

i know i've built a little following on this blog but im not sure how long you guys have even been here. i miss many old friends if they remember me, im sorry for disappearing. my predicament is that havent been into obey me in about two years. i don't plan to redownload the game so my options are as follows:

i can come back as i was ; an obey me blog and occasionally reblog fan art / make posts but i wouldn't be super active.

i wanted to revamp this blog perhaps for self shipping since that's what it was for me but i'm not sure how people would feel about the current things im into. id change my theme and username but ill try to still be recognizable..maybe.. <3 i still want to make aesthetic boards

don't come back i can just leave this up as an archive and maybe link to my new blog elsewhere. ( im in the process of switching the sideblog ownership to a different main account because i don't desire to have this main for it. )

if you have a better recommendation

i want to become reconnected with a bunch of things i used to do / be into and i remember how important this blog was for me to just learn how to enjoy things without feeling embarrassed and i want to get back into that. i miss the connections ive had to my online communities since ive been so irl focused these past few years. sorry for such a long post i really would like to use my blogs more personally now so id also just lifepost too if that would be annoying or too much idk.

[aziraphales-library]

Hey guys thanks for everything you do! I've spent my summer reading through fanfics from this blog<3

I was wondering if you had any recs that are similar to Old Vines and Slow Show? I'm thinking long, slow burn, human AUs (or not necessarily) that add a ton of depth to the characters and their lives!

Thank u!

Hello! Firstly please check our #human au and #slow burn tags!

Here are more long human AUs with lots of slow burn:

The False and the Fair by Princip1914 [E]

Growing up in the shadow of West Virginia’s Eden Mountain, Aziraphale Wright always expected to work for the family coal mining company. Anthony Crowley, the son of a down-and-out miner, was going to become a pilot and leave town forever. Now, thirty years later, neither of their lives have gone as planned, and an unexpected inheritance brings them back into one another’s orbit. Aziraphale hopes that they can move beyond their shared past, and a high school arrangement that ended in disaster, but he has secrets of his own that threaten their fragile reconnection…

Car Trouble by summerofspock [E]

Aziraphale's car breaks down so he takes it to the first mechanic he can find. From there, his mundane life changes drastically as he finds himself befriending the man fixing his car.

Anthophilia by FortinbrasFTW [M]

Anthony J. Crowley's life seems like it's finally falling into place: his floral shop has begun to gain an undercurrent of appreciation in the design elite of London, and he might have even finally found a boyfriend who looks just right lounging on his Tenreiro sofa. Things seem almost perfect, until one day the empty shop across the street is leased to frumpy fellow Oxford alumni, who doesn't seem to remember Crowley nearly as well as he remembers him, which really shouldn't bother him as much as it does - it was ten years ago after all, and it wasn't even that good of a kiss.

Soho by Lurlur [M]

Aziraphale lives a quiet kind of life, running a quiet specialist bookshop in one of the liveliest districts of London. He's content with his lot, happy with his friends, tolerant of his probably-human housemate, living vicariously through the gossip pages.

One day, a chance encounter with Anthony Crowley, lead singer of wildly successful rock band The Demons, threatens to turn his whole world upside down.

That this could be the kingdom by seekwill [E]

I have lived my whole life with a wrecked heart. Fr. Aziraphale Fell’s present mirrors his past, as long ago roommate, classmate, and former friend Anthony Crowley reappears in his life in an unexpected and disarming way, challenging Aziraphale’s choices, and bringing him back to the breaking point, when he made a decision he couldn’t take back. It isn’t temptation, it’s revelation.

High Season by snae_b [E], WIP

Aziraphale doesn't want to think about home. So he pictures the crystal clear turquoise water surrounding him. The islands in the distance that he hopes to see up close soon. He thinks about the fish he watched dart along the length of the hull and the candy floss pink clouds framing the setting sun. He tries to remember what it was like to see the world as a wonderful thing to explore instead of a gray box he lives in.

What better way to run from your problems than straight to the Caribbean?

~Mod N

[khrysteen]

It's not really worth sharing my Tumblr year in review, because I made a total of 9 posts on this blog and my art blog. But seeing the numbers did make me think, "Gee, I don't share much personal stuff online. And most of my friends I interact with are online.I'd like to try opening up a little more. I'd like to invite more people to drop in and say hi. I'd like to chat with and get to know more people, because really I am quite social and I enjoy meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends.

But I also wanted to, uh, maybe let the people who do know me at least a little bit why I've been so inactive lately, both publicly and privately.

It's a bit of a Good News, Bad News situation.

Good news! My depression is at a point where it's manageable. We found the magic pill (aka the right combo and amount of medication) that makes it work. I am happy, I am motivated, I am looking forward to life. I'm myself again.

Bad news! Since about October of last year, my fatigue - which I attributed to depression before - has gotten worse. And it continous to get worse. I've gotten so slow, physically and mentally. My brain is a mix of brain fog and, like, nothingness. I get nothing instead of memories or knowledge or thoughts or focus.

It's affected every aspect my life. Drawing. Video games. Friends. Work. Basic decision making skills. I finally want to do things but I physically can't. I'm taking a leave from work right now because 1. My productivity kept tanking 2. When I wasn't working, I was sleeping, during my breaks, evenings, and days off.

Doctor doesn't know what's wrong. Stimulants don't help. Tests don't show anything of concern. He attributes it to post-depression fatigue, but admits it shouldn't be getting worse. Another doctor suggested chronic fatigue, and that I just need to learn to deal with it. I'm waiting on a referral to a specialist now. So much waiting.

I am frustrated and angry and scared. I spent so many years not enjoying life because of depression, and now I'm worse than before. I haven't given up, but god damn it.

I miss my friends. I miss my art. I miss video games and tv shows and writing and reading and actually accomplishing things and finishing projects and making progress.

I'm sorry, this is a lot to read. And it's...not that bad, really. Life is still good. I'm okay, otherwise. But I want to let you guys know what's going on. Please don't think I'm ignoring you, or avoiding you, or giving up. I'm handling this as best I can. I have support. I'm still here. I'm just really really tired.

[whitepassingpocs]

Hi! First off, I want to say how much I appreciate this blog. A lot of the submissions make me feel seen and understood and I’m so glad I came across it. I guess this isn’t much of a question and just something I want to vent about. My whole life, my mom told me we were Spanish and even named the part in Spain our family was (allegedly) from.

My dad is Mexican and I grew up with his side of the family so I’m very much connected to that part of my culture. I’ve been doing some genealogy research this year (using records and documents only) and found out that my mom was either wrong or lying. It turns out my great great grandpa on her side was Mexican, not Spanish. Finding that out was cathartic in a way, especially because my mom made me feel ashamed of being Mexican and made me feel bad for being proud of my culture. When I was younger, I even said I wished I could “rip it off”. That makes me so sad now.

Aside from DNA tests scaring me, what with them being an invasion of privacy and everything, I know they’re inaccurate. I know that a number isn’t going to tell me who I “am” and it won’t open a magical gateway to community. I just feel so clueless and lost on how to connect with a possible Indigenous heritage or even learn about one by tracing back lineage using birth certificates, census records, etc. And even if I did find anything of substance, I feel like I wouldn’t be allowed to and like I’d be intruding. If I were intruding in some way I’d of course step back and be supportive as a bystander.

This is pretty lengthy so thanks for hearing me out!

I'm sorry you grew up internalising so much ignorance from your own family. I hope things get easier for you.

When it comes to dna/ancestory services, the best thing you can do is research. Research which ones are the most accurate for the ethnic group you expect to connect with. Also, check the privacy policy. There are also ancestory services that don't require DNA, but again you'll have to do research.

Prioritise your privacy and safety, of course. But I've heard people discuss Facebook groups and forums for people researching family history. Try searching for groups located where your ancestor is from and post some information.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but check our reconnecting tag for past advice and submissions in relation to finding family members.

Wishing you the best!

[latin-dr-robotnik]

little vent time, ignore me for a sec (or continue, idk)

So, next week is my 25th birthday, and I've been thinking a lot about where I am and where I want to be by the time I turn 30. My birthday will also mark 5 years since I was in a pretty rough spot, coming off a massive romantic disappointment that ended with ghosting on the same day of my birthday, all the while I was struggling big time under college pressure.

5 years ago I snapped and decided I didn't want to deal with shit like that anymore. I slowed down with my career and went ahead to reconnect with other passions and groups. Since then, I began running my Spanish blog, decided I wanted to run this Tumblr blog as a way to give back to the Sonic fandom (and also jumping into old and new fandoms alike), and in general I found myself a lot happier balancing my career with friends all over the world and communities I was participating frequently.

Now, my career is stagnant and I'm a couple of years late to my degree, but I'm working on it and trying to balance that with other projects, while thinking about more projects I can't wait to start as soon as possible. I have a plan and I know making video essays and streaming aren't my long-time solutions, but that's not even the point of this.

This is gonna sound straight out of Ezio's letter to his sister Claudia in Assassin's Creed Revelations, but after that last romantic mess 5 years ago something withered inside me. I could still laugh and love and meet a lot of people, but something had changed in me. I have enjoyed those years of being single and I worked a ton on just being happy myself, but I noticed I never went for something more. Deep down I was still hurt, and while I fixed many aspects of my life, for most of those 5 years it was just me, my little self-indulgent fanfics and lots of daydreams.

Around the start of the pandemic I was beginning to feel this itch of "yeah, I think I'm finally ready to try my luck, to open myself up for a relationship again", of course the pandemic fucked everything up, but in conversations with friends and in Tumblr games with mutuals I brought up how I was emotionally available and didn't have any issues liking people or someone coming up to me. I certainly had my crushes in the last 5 years, but those were always temporal, superficial things and at points I was juggling several feelings around at once, acting charming for the attention, flirting just for the sake of it. I was available, yes, but not taking things seriously.

But after some crazy 5 years, and a week before my birthday reminding me of the one event that hurt me deeply, I... might feel emotionally unavailable once again?

It's weird, I'm not sure of anything, and for a long while I managed to convince myself I should take it like some form of opium I could use to get a quick blast of feelings and move on, kinda like other past experiences... but it creeped up on me, and I found myself feeling things I didn't feel in many years: the longing, that mental barrier keeping me from moving on, that silent pact I made with myself to stop everything going on in my head and wait to see if it happens, that deep fear that leaving myself open like that might be another mistake to add to my long list of past mistakes...

I have a personal roadmap for the next 5 years, cycles I want to close and new ones I want to start, but there's that one piece I still can't figure out whether it should or not be part of my time...

[owl-eyed--witch]

Reconnecting with my craft

Hello Tumblrverse,

It's been a while. A long while. I have been out of touch with my craft for what feels like forever. To be honest with you, I have never really known what I was doing for 99% of the time I've been a witch. I've known for a long time that I was a witch, that to my core, I identified with everything witchy, but it didn't quite feel right to me. I had been living with roommates for most of my adult life, if not a partner, then my parents, so practicing witchcraft had always been tricky for me. I've never really practiced openly and freely because I was surrounded by people that judged me in one way or another. I didn't feel comfortable being myself. I didn't feel comfortable being a witch.

That started changing a couple of months ago. My TTRPG group started falling apart, things were going awful. We switched to playing D&D once a week to every two weeks because we needed a breather. During the off week, one of my friends introduced us to the system called Monster of the Week. I love this system to bits. It's urban fantasy style, a "what is the supernatural existed and it was a threat?" type of game. Your shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural, Teen Wolf, all of those, You get it. For that game, I created a witch, because it felt so natural to me. I knew exactly what I wanted my character to be. I searched for a name, something that resonated with the aesthetic and the core of this character and I stumbled upon Avalon. It fit her perfectly. She was a baby witch, new to the craft, with a mentor and she was about to grow into her power, much like me in a way. I played her for months and we started her storyline and my Keeper (what the DM is called in this system) truly understood the assignment. The vibe and the aesthetic were fucking immaculate. I was giddy like a child every two weeks when we got to play.

Because of Avalon, I started reading tarot again, and it became part of the game too. My Keeper thought it was so cool, that at the beginning of every mystery, Ava would read tarot cards to gain insight into the monster that we would hunt. So through that, I reconnected with my deck. When new players joined our group, two of them collect tarot decks and showed them to me. We started gushing over the cute art and how we love the mysticism of divination. They made me feel welcome and seen.

Then I moved out on my own for the first time. Single and alone. It sounds bad, and to be honest, I thought I was never going to be able to shoulder it by myself. This year I found out I have BPD, which is a struggle to live with day to day, but I have worked on it so much in and out of therapy. I thought that living alone would be so difficult. Then I started taking it one day at a time. I went back to checking Tumblr when I was bored. I started to miss witchcraft a bit, then a lot more. I stumbled into the "Reconnecting with your craft" post that you can scroll down to see on my blog, and I started doing that. Reacquainting myself with my BoS and all of that jazz. I felt anxious at the beginning, not knowing what I was doing. There's always a part of me that's scared I'm gonna summon something bad or whatever but knowing my practice if I manage to do that, then I truly have supernatural powers because my practice is chill af.

I pull a tarot card every morning, getting the energy for the day with a side of insight. I am now back to drinking a lot of tea (and my soul rejoices, chamomile truly is magical for anxiety.) I never got acquainted with the phases of the moon in the past, now I'm exploring that, and to be honest, it's quite fun. I'm gearing up to celebrate my first Lughnasadh as a witch and I'm looking forward to that. In the past, all of that has felt not quite like me, like I was an imposter, a little kid pretending to be something they are not. Now, it feels right. This is me.

To reflect all of these new changes, I have changed my witchy name. I used to use my online pseudonym, but I think it's a little passé now. I want my name to reflect the growth and healing I have gone through. Therefore, this witch is now known as Avalon. ♥

You will see me more around these parts, from now on. I'm looking forward to interacting with this community once more. :)

[bookwyrminspiration]

I CANNOT believe fakemintan + Dawnbreaker infiltrated the Tumblr fandom. That's absolutely insane. Fakemintie was a popular figure on the wiki fandom from about 2018-2019, and I think about her almost every day. She was the creator of bald Keefe, as well as many other wonderful edits, and she shipped herself with Fintan: FakeMintan. quil if you want me to, I could go on forever and tell you the entire history of fakemintan and the fakemintan wiki and what the 2018 wiki fandom was like. it's a RIDE. there was also gisorkle, which was some really complicated theory involving Lady Gisela and Mr. Forkle (not a ship), but I'd have to consult someone more involved in that.

Unfortunately, most of the original posts were lost when FANDOM transitioned to a new platform in 2020. The content was so good, too... it's too bad. But one of the current wiki administrators, Gildie-Everblaze, was one of the authors of Dawnbreaker, and she would know better than me.

unfortunately the legend fakemintie disappeared one day and was never seen again :( and her IRL friend Mintie, who was a wiki admin 2020-2021, is gone now too, so there's no way at all to contact her. I miss her.

sorry for infodumping, it's just that I could talk for literal hours about the history of the fandom + explaining it— I've thought about making YouTube videos before about it—

who knew my offhanded shitpost would awaken such a visceral, ingrained memory in so many people !!

the wiki sounds like an absolutely chaotic place to be, I must admit. though the FakeMintie being a username makes a lot more sense as to where the name came from. naming a goldfish after yourself or however that worked out is a little less explainable but honestly projecting yourself into a story as a goldfish is understandable. wake up babe new y/n just dropped, if you get what I mean. Also, I think i've seen bald keefe! I don't see a lot of kotlc edits (in case you couldn't tell, I've kinda dug myself very deep into the character analysis/logistical side of the fandom. i might be that side of the fandom). I have a memory of other bald edits following afterwards, some becoming profile pics. but i could be making that up

gisorkle is funny just for the name itself. like snorkling. brb just gonna go gisorkling. but whatever theories there were behind that sound intriguing!

oh no! sorry so much of the content got lost--I can only imagine how devastating that would be. FakeMintan seems to be pretty well loved by a fair number of people...

it's always bittersweet when people you interacted with/followed/just saw around disappear from the internet. Not too long ago i was going through my following list and unfollowing a bunch of blogs that were inactive now and so many of them hadn't posted since like 2019 and it felt so strange, which i guess my brain has made an association to your Mintie disappearing. i hope maybe one day you'll be able to get in contact again--you never know! Just a few weeks ago one of the people I knew from elementary school found my email and reached out to me to reconnect. Hadn't seen him or heard from him in over five years and yet suddenly we (and another person from then) were just talking like we'd never separated. so maybe you'll find him again!

and don't worry: there's nothing to apologize for! i think a lot of the knowledge you have is fascinating, and I'm entirely open to hearing whatever it is you'd want to share. Also, if you felt like making youtube videos, I'd 100% watch! it's super cool when people have very expansive knowledge of very niche things!!

[likeawildthing]

been feeling weird about my own relationship with the hp fandom as well recently, so really empathize with your decision to distance yourself from it. Good luck with whatever you do in the future, I've always really enjoyed your writing :)

This didn’t happen in a vacuum, I was called out by people I love dearly. And I understand that pain and anguish 100%, both intellectually and emotionally. I don’t want to cause people pain.

So last night I made changes I had been contemplating — changing description, removing potter links pages from my blog, icons and usernames, etc.

But it’s very complicated for me and the identity I’ve built in the last 10 years. I found hp as an adult. It got me through an abusive marriage. After, I was a broken shell of a numb ptsd woman. Writing about Jily literally helped heal the broken parts of my brain (trust no one, all relationships are evil, love doesn’t exist) and helped me to trust people, believe in love, and accept that healthy relationship dynamics can exist. Plus the friends fandom has brought me. And writing Jily reconnected me to writing, which abuse had taken away. And I’ve written other stuff but writing Jily is my go to thing when I’m stressed or have a bad encounter with my ex. It’s still my catharsis.

And I’ve been on the receiving end. I felt it on a different spectrum with 50 shades and with the twilight resurgence. Both are narratives that glorify domestic violence, controlling men, and manipulation and control. I find that so toxic and terrible and can’t get on board AT ALL. Stephanie M taught an entire generation of girls that it’s cool to be stalked, isolated, and controlled. My best friend of 2 decades fell in love w/ the twilight movies as an adult and watched them every night as her comfort movies to get her through grad school. And I know it’s not an exact equivalency, and I’m not deflecting from the fact that I have to reckon w/ my own relationship with potter. 

But I do get the idea that fandoms we love hurt people. I also get that those fandoms we love mean a lot to us in ways others don’t understand. Like I said, it may seem simple but it’s not as black and white for me. And I’ll speak more to that in a few days (after therapy) but for now I’m sitting in this place and things are what they are.