#but I wanted a change as I move to Texas next month and start a new chapter of my life

[babyboywilson]

hiiii your local girlboy coming in hot to say ‘new hair new me’! just recolored my hair and decided to finally get bangs and I love it 🧡

[pinkiebieberpie]

YESSS THE PEOPLE WANT FARMER BUCKY !!!!

OH MY MY MY ઇઉ

(singledad!farmer!bucky x f!reader)

i'm happy to give the people what they want <33 i'm not much of a writer and it's more of a longer blurb/a few scenerios put in one longer post, but if you want to you can check my fic masterlist // inspired by this moodboard, enjoy!! reblogs and feedback is appreciated <33 (and yes the title is taylor swift coded, if you know you know.) ++ @bstorn wanted to be tagged.

words: 1.5k

warnings: death (mentioned), age gap (reader is in her mid 20s, bucky is in his early 40s), mention of drinking, mention of hair pulling, smut, kissing, oral (f receiving), fingering, outside sex (fuck being quiet, they are sleeping), unprotected sex, cockwarming and creampie (but also not really??? but it is here???)

life is messy. y/n's was actually very messy that's why she decided to move, leave her old life behind and change everything. how did she end up in a small town in the middle of texas? nobody knows, but she was there alone.

the first month was the hardest, she found a new job in a bakery, made a friend - her coworker, jessie but there was not really much to do, calm town, everyone knew each other, basically no privacy. after that first month y/n met bucky, a single father of two, a farmer and big enthusiast of chocolate cookies they were selling at the bakery. was he flirty? maybe. was he friendly? 100%.

it all started innocent.

"hi, i'm bucky, you new in town?"

"how do you like it here?"

"if you need any help feel free to reach out."

and y/n in fact did reach out, cause she needed help when her apartmet flooded. it was out of the blue the next day when bucky came to the bakery, but he was more than happy to help. that day y/n and bucky get to know each other a little bit more. she found out he has two daughters, annie (4 years old) and bea (6 years old), he owns one of the biggest farms in town and it's in his family since... forever, really. she was sure he is married, he was wearing a wedding ring, but that was just a habit - his wife died two years ago in an accident. the conversation was smooth, it was clear that the chemistry was there, but nobody made a move.

"all should be fine now." was what bucky said when he finished fixing y/n's plumbing problem. was she starring at him a bit when he was fixing her sink? yes.

"thank you, really, i had no idea what to do and i don't know that many people here... so i kind of had to ask my friendly neighbourhood customer for help." she chuckled and licked her lip a little bit.

"oh, it's nothing, actually i have a favor to ask, myself... it's okay if you feel like this is too much, but i have to help my friend out of town on the weekend, he has some problems with his animals and i can't leave girls alone, could you babysit? i can pay!"

"what? babysit? i- i never did that, but if your daughters are even half as kind as you, i bet they are angels, so yeah, i can do that, i'm not working over the weekend, you don't have to worry. and you don't have to pay me, it's favor for a favor."

was it a bit weird and a bit fast? for some people maybe, but both of them really felt like they could've trust each other. and that's how y/n became a babysitter for annie and bea. the girls were little angels, that was true. it became a thing that y/n was coming over to play with them and watch them, when bucky was working or when he was busy with whatever he needed to do. girls adored her. she baked cookies with them, they played outside together, she loved reading books with annie and bea and they loved to listen to them.

one night bucky came home really late, the girls were sleeping and y/n fell asleep on the couch too. closing the door woke her up and looked at bucky all sleepy.

"huh? you are home? i better pack my thin-"

"are you crazy? it's 3am, you are staying here, i will drive you home in the morning." he said it with a tone that left no place for arguing. she was a bit turned on by his voice, but no way she would ever tell bucky that. they were friends. only friends, with a weird chemistry, but still friends... but are you really friends when it's 3am and you are sitting on a couch with a man so much older, talking about life, drinking and being really and i mean really comfortable with each other?

that night went peaceful and quietly, in the morning bucky made breakfast for all three of the girls and when his kids were ready all four of them left his farm. first bucky and y/n dropped annie and bea at their preschool and then they made their way to y/n's house.

"you know, they adore you." bucky said while he way driving. y/n felt her cheeks getting a bit more pinkish. and she had no idea why, it was a compliment from his daughters, kind of, not from him. but at this point she knew she was falling for this man and there was nothing she could do about it.

✧✧✧

a few months passed and everything was going great for both bucky and y/n. they were meeting almost every weekend and more than one time during the work week. one day bucky invided her to a picnic at his farm, but... it was only two of them. the girls visited their grandma, and the truth was bucky wanted to spend some time alone with his... friend? his who? that was maybe a little bit more complicated than he wanted it to be. farmer was thinking about her all the time and he was ready to make things official. he wasn't in a relationship since his wife passed and that was over two years ago! he deserved to be happy.

when bucky asked y/n to be his girlfriend she was speachless, cause of course she wanted it, she wanted it bad. she wanted him bad, to be honest. soon she found out bucky wasn't always that sweet and caring man everyone thought he was. he was a very typical girl dad, he was making breakfast for his kids every morning, doing their hair, but he was also that type of man to pull your hair very hard when you were alone. and y/n loved it. every second of it.

their relationship was perfect, y/n loved waking up next to him almost every morning, she moved in really quickly. it wasn't even strange for the girl, they accepted it, after all annie and bea loved having y/n around.

one night y/n and bucky put the girls to bed earlier, because they planned a dinner. bucky cooked and prepared everything and all y/n had to do was to just look pretty when everything was ready.

"god, angel, you look stunning." was what bucky said when he saw y/n in her short, black dress. they ate their dinner, had some red wine and since it was warm summer they left home to sit outside. the moon looked marvelous and y/n looked even more beautiful in it's light.

it didn't took much for bucky to start kissing her. first her lips, then her neck, her exposed cleavage. y/n started breathing faster and then he dropped on his knees and rolled her dress up. first he was kissing y/n's thighs, then his lips were on her already wet panties. her noises were getting louder, then bucky took off her underwear. his lips were soft at first, teasing her, but when she buckled up her hips to him that was a sign he had no idea he was waiting for. bucky's tounge was making her more and more wet and she was only getting louder. her hands ended up in his long hair, pulling them hard when he added fingers to his ministrations.

"c'mon sweetie, you are making really cute noises, but you can be louder than that... girls are sleeping inside you can be as loud as you can." he hummed, his lips still so close to your aching pussy. it was hard being quiet with this man, he was making y/n feel like she was floating with his fingers and tounge alone. after her first orgasm they moved to their bedroom. they ended up naked a second after the door closed behind them. lips and hands were everywhere. their bodies so close, lots of moans and gasps. it was a perfect mix between soft love making and rough fucking and it made y/n lost her mind. at some point bucky covered her mouth.

"shh... we are not outside anymore, girls are sleeping next door, you have to be quiet now, doll." he whispered into her ear as he bit it. he was moving inside her with a steady rythm. her hands were on his back, nails in his skin leaving marks, it wasn't long before y/n finished again. when bucky wanted to move she wrapped her legs around him.

"no, please, i want to feel you..." she purred in the croock of his neck. he hapilly obliged. and that's how they both fell asleep. bodies tangled together, their breaths steady and calm and the whole life ahead of them. maybe with more than just two kids in the future...

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | December 30th 2024-January 5th 2025

Welcome to 2025 everybody!! The year of #BuddieCanon!!!

Started working on my favourite fics of 2024 rec, I'm hoping to post it in the next week! And when I'm looking back, I always end up distracted on the way, which is the reason for the ungodly amount of re-read fics in this rec 😅

Little bit unconventional but I'm gonna rec some meta! The Buddie Vers-Switch Theory: a Meta-Analysis is really interesting!

Complete

just like coming home by tinygiantsam/ @watchyourbuck (S7, First Kiss | 1,5K | Teen): Buck and Eddie go on their first date. Eddie wears the 'good cologne.' 

when the clock strikes midnight by tinygiantsam/ @watchyourbuck (Post-S8 Spec, Christmas | 4K | Teen): Future Buck looked at his watch, then at the clock on the wall, then back to him. “In about five minutes, Eddie’s gonna try to kiss you.” Buck’s heart skipped a beat, his throat drying from back to front. He wetted his lips in instinct. “What?” “And I’m gonna need you to kiss him back.” OR: on christmas night, buck is visited by what seems like the ghost of christmas future. he has a very particular request (that he cannot refuse). 

every corner of this house is haunted by justhockey (NYE, Chris comes back from Texas, Getting Together | 4K | General): And now that love is everywhere, is in everything. It’s worn so deeply into the grooves of his skin that it’s changed the very structure of his fingerprint - is burrowed so deep inside of him that it has rewritten his DNA. His love for Eddie and for Christopher is carved into his bones - etched onto his heart like an epitaph: love lived here. Love left here.

Next in line by tinygiantsam/ @watchyourbuck (Getting Together, Post-S6 | 6K | Explicit): “Hold on,” he muttered, putting his finger up and shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “So you’ve been dating this man for six months, b-” Buck cut him off. “Yes.” “But,” Eddie continued, “he’s not your boyfriend?” “N-No.” Eddie’s frown deepened. He tried to keep it in; he really did. “Okay, well, does he want you or not? Because he’s holding up the fucking line!”

Let me give you my life by paleredheadinascifi (Post-S8S6: Confessions, Getting Together | 6K | Teen): “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I am. Fuck. I am freaking out,” he agrees, lifting his head to look at Buck helplessly. “You’re in my lap.” “I’m so extremely aware of that. You’re not wearing any pants,” Buck adds. A smile tugs at the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “I am also very aware of that.” Or, another take on what happened after the couch scene. Eddie *wants*. They're both brave about it.

a lighthouse in the fog by greenbergsays/ @greenbergsays (BT Break-Up, First Kiss | 7K | Teen): The one where Buck wakes up after surgery and realizes that Tommy doesn't meet his emotional needs. The break-up doesn't go quite like he expected.

It Still Gets Cold in Texas by jukoist/ @beforejuko (Post-S8A, Eddie moves to El Paso, Outsider POV, Getting Together | 9K | Mature): Cara Alvarez of the El Paso Fire Department knows exactly two things about her new coworker Eddie Diaz. One: Diaz has a husband named 'Buck', who he left back in LA. Two: Diaz is Extremely Annoying about how much he misses his husband, the aforementioned 'Buck'. Or; Eddie moves to El Paso, and his new coworkers come to certain assumptions. Eddie... does not correct these assumptions.

🔥 If Only In My Dreams by songbvrd/ @songbvrd (Post-S8A, Eddie goes to El Paso, Christmas, Getting Together | 9K | General): Evan Buckley had never been good at knowing when to let go of things. So when Eddie Diaz told him on a chilly Friday afternoon that he had put his house on the market and started packing, Buck told himself that this time, he wasn't going to cling to someone trying to leave him behind. This time, Buck would understand what rejection looked like, and he would let someone he loved walk away with dignity. OR Eddie moves to El Paso a month before Christmas. Buck goes a little bit insane about it.

see both sides by snorlaxer (Post-S7, Mind-reading | 9K | Teen): When Buck overlooks a small injury to the head during one of his shifts, it turns out to be a very big problem once he starts hearing the internal voices of everyone he walks by, including his best friend, who seems to be undergoing a silent life-crisis. As Buck listens more and more to the thoughts that surround him, he becomes increasingly more confused with his own. OR Buck can hear other people's thoughts, and Eddie's are everything and nothing like he expected.

Wherever you find love (make it last all year) by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Canon Divergent, Christmas | 12K | Mature): Buck first met Eddie on Christmas. This is the story of seven Christmases they spend together.

🔥 i can't see you (the light is in my face) by withmeornotatall/ @chronicowboy (Post-S8A, Eddie goes to Texas, Eddie Sexuality Crisis | 15K | Explicit): "Have you even tried making friends?" "God, Abuela, what am I in kindergarten again?" "No, you were much more outgoing in kindergarten. Made friends with the whole class. Teachers too. Now, your only friend is an old lady. If you're really moving here, Eddie, you need to make some friends. You can't just rely on me and Christopher to keep you company." "I know. I know. I think I'm just scared to put roots down. It doesn't feel real yet, you know? Every time I wake up, I keep waiting to see my ceiling from home, walk past Christopher's room on the way to the kitchen, find Buck in the kitchen making pancakes. I don't think I want it to feel real. Plus," he adds with a brittle grin, "the last time I made a new friend, Buck almost broken my ankle." And then slept with said friend, he thinks. "I'm not convinced he couldn't give me a bloody nose from eight-hundred miles away just by thinking real hard." (OR: eddie makes a new friend, she makes some assumptions, eddie spirals about it in his patented life-ruining way)

🔥 all the ashes I've earned by greenbergsays/ @greenbergsays (Post-S8E8: Wannabes, Near Death Experiences | 22K | Teen): A horn blares. Buck looks in time to see the truck barreling right for him. Something a lot like relief washes over him. Good, he thinks. At least now he doesn’t have to watch Eddie walk away. -- OR: Spiraling about Eddie's announcement, Buck gets into a car accident and falls into another coma. This is Eddie in the aftermath.

🔥 wake up, boy, you're far from home by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S8A, Christmas, Eddie Sexuality Crisis, Getting Together | 23K | Explicit): Eddie is miserable in El Paso, having seemingly made things worse. Buck is miserable in Los Angeles, without him. When Buck agrees to go home to Hershey for the holidays, everything implodes.

WIP

🔥 Finding Mr Christmas by JJK/@trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Canon Divergent, Reality TV, Christmas | 9/11 | 52K | Teen): "Welcome to Finding Mr Christmas! You’re all here chasing the same dream, to star in a Hallmark Christmas movie, and over the next few weeks we’re going to be putting you through your paces to see which of you has the most star quality and that ‘it’ factor that makes you shine above the rest." 🎄🎄🎄 An AU where Buck and Eddie meet as contestants on Hallmark's Finding Mr Christmas competition (and fall for each other).

🔥 Cadence by Nejinee/ @nejineeee (Future fic, Getting Together | 1/2 | 6K | Explicit): When the credits finally finished rolling and Buck was left in the shrouded silence of Eddie’s house, he sighed. He turned his head slightly, feeling Eddie’s unbelievably soft hair brush against his cheek. Eddie’s cologne was all but gone after a day like today. Eventually, he’d need to shower and get ready for bed. Buck wanted to wait a moment; he wanted to sit in this silence a little longer.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 141/? | 454K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 Gentle On My Mind by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Buck/Eddie/Shannon | 10/? | 63K | Explicit): In which Shannon lives, tells a lie, and sends hers, Eddie's, and Buck's lives down a very different path.

Podfic

[podfic] and we can stay all day by be_brave13/ @djemsowhat // fic by trippedandfell/ @trippedandfell (Zoologist Buck AU | 20-30min | Teen): “So let me get this straight,” Hen says, once she’s stopped laughing at him. “Your nerd crush-” “-Evan Buckley,” Eddie miserably interjects. “Your nerd crush,” Hen repeats, waggling her eyebrows. At the kitchen table beside her, Chimney is grinning like Christmas just came early. “Read your drunk tweet and then sent you animal facts via DM?” or: Buck's a zoologist. Eddie's pretty sure he's in love. (Part 1 of zoologist buck)

[Podfic] What's love got to do with it? by Pretzel26 // fic by ColorMeParanoid/ @color-me-paranoid (Platonic Boyfriends to Lovers | 1/30 | 10-20min | Mature): "Hear me out," Buck said. "Clearly, both of us are sick of dating other people. And we're a good fit, in pretty much every way that matters. So what if we're not in love? We don't need to be in love to be happy together." Eddie frowned. "So basically, we'd be boyfriends, without benefits?" "Yes!" Buck snapped his fingers. "Like platonic boyfriends! We'd get all the benefits of a relationship and none of the heartbreak." And maybe Eddie had finally lost his mind, or maybe it was from all the alcohol clouding his judgment, but the idea of it didn't sound half as crazy as it should have. *** After Buck’s and Eddie’s dates both end with disasters – proving once again that maybe dating just wasn’t meant for them – they decide to simply settle for each other. If there was one person in the world they'd ever trust with their hearts, it was each other. And who was a better person to date other than your very own best friend?

Re-read

🔥what if i can't have us by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (Post-S7E5, Getting Together, Sexuality Crisis | 47K Explicit): In which Eddie is dating Marisol; Buck's dating Tommy, and Eddie has feelings about that, which he simply does. not. understand.

🔥 The Heart Opening Sequence by Leslie_Knope (Post-S3, Getting Together | 34K | Mature): Eddie’s handsome, that’s obvious, Buck clocked that the second he met him. Part of him still can’t really believe that the guy he was so threatened by at first ended up as his closest friend, which is why these weird twinges are so unsettling. Buck isn’t sure if they’re real, for one, these odd flashes of what it would be like to lean over and kiss Eddie while they’re watching a movie or brush a hand over his back while they’re in the kitchen. And for two, it’s so far out of the realm of possibility that it’s barely worth thinking about.

🔥 drink the river dry by Rianne/ @rianneeyre (Post Shooting, Getting Together | 32K | Explicit): It wasn’t until they were discussing his discharge paperwork and painkiller schedules that it really sunk in for Eddie that Buck would be staying with him and Christopher. That he would be around 24/7 except for his shifts at work. That he’ll sleep on the couch, where he’s been sleeping for days now to look after Christopher. The worst part is that it’s necessary—Eddie isn’t going to be able to do a damn thing for himself for the next couple of weeks. He’s lucky if he can put a shirt on by himself a month from now. Yeah, that’s going to be a problem. Or: Eddie gets shot, breaks up with his girlfriend, and pines like there’s no tomorrow.

🔥Plus or Minus by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (S5 | 10K | General): “Why are you cleaning out the kitchen? Why is my stuff in boxes?” Eddie slows, then stops. “Figured you’d want it back.” It’s quieter. Pained. When he says it. “I haven’t decided anything. So unless you’re kicking me out—” “Buck. Come on.” He’s not angry or snapping. It’s still quiet, and somehow that hurts even more. He’s resigned and defeated, and Buck is a scooped out, gutted, hollow shell. “I know how this ends the same way you do. You want to be loved, you want to be married. You’re going to leave. Might as well…” His voice cracks before he can finish and get it under control. “Shouldn’t drag it out.” ~ Taylor is offered a job across the country and asks Buck to go with her. Buck has to figure out if he wants to start over or if he has a reason to stay right where he is.

🔥 The Pain Will Leave You Once It's Done Teaching You by fruitsdoesnotknow (Canon Divergent, Daniel Lives-kinda | 40K | Mature): “Hi, I’m Buck, a firefighter with the 136,” for now, the thought crashes through Buck, leaving a sour taste in his mouth. “Uh, you’re both welcome to take a tour with us, if you’d like.” Buck awkwardly scratches at his neck, running a hand through his hair, unsure what else to do, and it spurs the man in front of him to take a large step forward up to Buck’s bed. “Eddie,” he says, thrusting a hand to him, and Buck reaches over without a second thought. His whole palm feels electric, it smarts and carries the touch of Eddie, Eddie, that Buck feels it completely. He has no idea what’s happening to him. “Edmundo Diaz, but just Eddie though, uh, no one calls me Edmundo. Right. I’m a new nurse here, at Cedars-Senai. Oh –” *** When Daniel Buckley lives a little longer, Evan Buckley dies a little more. And this is how Eddie Diaz saves him, a little later on.

i find you in everything (but its here you find yourself) by withmeornotatall/ @chronicowboy (Post-S6, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): Buck takes another sig of beer, "she left." "Sorry, man, I know you liked her. Guess where most people are scared of death, a death doula is scared of life." "Wow, that's actually pretty poignant," Buck says. "Didn't know you had it in you." Eddie just rolls his eyes. "Its weird, though, her being scared off by a donor baby." Eddie frowns over at him. "Chris didn't freak her out?"

and if someone asked me if I love you (I'd lie) by forgetmyname/ @kingmieczyslaw (Crack | 10K | Explicit): Eddie has a concussion. Suddenly he can't lie. It would be fine if he wasn't trying his best to not confess his undying love for Buck.

🔥 the kiss that lingers by greenbergsays/ @greenbergsays (Getting Together | 10K | Explicit): 5 times Eddie kisses Buck's birthmark & 1 time he doesn't.

🔥I'm Hearing Secret Harmonies by Chash/ @ponyregrets (Canon Divergent, Witch Eddie, Coffeshop AU | 18K | Teen): When the firefighter walks into Eddie's coffeeshop, Eddie immediately knows two things about him: he's not human, and he's the love of Eddie's life. Oh, he knows a bunch of other things too, obviously. He's about thirty, a few months younger than Eddie himself. He has a scar on his throat, like he got stabbed there, and one of his legs has some metal rods in it that must have come from a bad injury. The guy doesn't know he's not human, which is a tricky thing to figure out, but Eddie's almost positive. Most of the non-humans he knows have always known they aren't people, but there are exceptions, and they tend to carry themselves differently. The firefighter moves like he knows he doesn't belong, but not like he knows why. Like he's afraid of taking up space, afraid of being noticed. As if Eddie is even capable of not noticing him.

you are so gorgeous it makes me so mad by bellabrady (Post-S6, Getting Together | 5K | Not Rated): Or: Eddie is annoyed with Buck for being so very kissable but his drunk self isn't the best at phrasing things.

🔥 This May Be Practice, But I'm an Experienced Idiot by giselleslash/ @gigi-gigi (Fake Dating, kinda, Getting Together | 10K | Teen): Buck overhears a conversation between Eddie, Hen, and Chim and misunderstands it all. Or, the one where Buck thinks Eddie’s only asked him on a date for practice.

[patscorner]

CHAPTER ONE: BUY-IN

pairings: paige x oc

contains: pining, angst

word count: 2,575

a/n: okay, one chapter in. let me know what you guys think, my inbox is open. also let me know what you might like to see, the outline isn't set in stone. school has started so it might be a bit before the next chapter, but it's coming. enjoy!

My palms sweat as I dial the familiar number, one I’d memorized by heart. It’d been far too long since I’d called her, and I don’t really have a reason, so the bullshit ‘I’ve been busy’ excuse will just have to do.

=======================

JUNE 2023

“Hello?”

I clear my throat in an attempt to swallow the lump that magically appeared. “H-Hey, Azzi, uh-it’s CJ.”

“Who?” My heart dropped to my shoes as my brain scrambled to pick up the pieces of one word.

“I-uh..”

Azzi chuckles. “I’m just messing with you. What’d you need?” I let out a breath as I rub my head.

“Oh my god, I actually hate you, holy shit.” I laugh.

“Apparently, since it’s been, what, like three months since we’ve talked.” I could practically hear the eye roll.

It’s really not fair for me to ignore Azzi because, really, she hadn’t done anything but be my best friend.

Our best friend.

And maybe that our was the problem. Maybe that combination, the unity of the word, and everything behind it was a mistake. Maybe, letting her etch herself into the scrolls of my heart, so much so that the ink bled together. Maybe the missed cue of when mine became hers, and hers became ours, was poor oversight.

Maybe letting Azzi become collateral damage was where me and her went wrong.

I laugh it off, ignoring the pang it sends to my chest.

“Yeah, well, I have to mentally prepare myself to lose brain cells. Can’t let it fuck up my game.” I respond, earning a laugh from the brown-haired girl. There’s nothing like the nostalgia a sound can bring you. The memories and feelings, all hidden behind a single noise.

After she gathers herself, she sighs. “So what’s up?”

And suddenly, I remember why I’d called.

“Yeah, uh, there’s something I kinda wanted to talk to you about, before you hear it somewhere else..” I say, picking at my earlobe nervously.

“Ooookay… Is everything okay..?” her voice relaying softer through the phone.

I nod. “Yeah, it’s nothing bad. Or, at least, I don’t think..” I fall silent for a moment. This couldn’t be as bad as I’m making it seem, right? Right?

“Either way, I’d just rather talk about it in person.”

Azzi hums. “Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. Where do you want to meet?” I consider my options. I’m only in Minnesota to visit my family for about a week, and it’d take another day to get to Virginia… I would be back in time to move into my dorm. It’s inconvenient but doable.

“I could drive up to you in like a week, I’ll just meet you at your house.” I mutter thoughtfully.

“Wait, are you in Texas or Minnesota?”

“I’m about an hour out from Minny.” I answer, slightly confused.

“Oh, I’m here with Paige and the boys. We’re actually headed to the fair soon. You could meet up with us if you wanted.”

“Shit…uh, I didn’t think about them...” I mumble.

That’s a lie. Truthfully, every time I think of home, memories of the blonde flood my mind instantly. But then I’m reminded of what she’d done. How she ripped herself out of my chest like velcro, instead of carefully detangling herself, ridding herself off all strings attached. All for someone else.

For someone who used to be mine.

“Hello..? You still there?”

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Yeah, yeah, sorry. Uh, th-yeah, that’s fine.” I sigh, quickly trying to recover.

Azzi sighs through the phone. “Look, I still don’t know what happened between you two, so if you don’t want to come-” she amends.

“No! No, okay, sorry. I- just gotta change my clothes…” I say, biting my lip as I lie through my teeth. “I’ll just meet you guys there?”

I could practically hear Azzi smile. “That sounds good, just call me when you get there.”

After we say our goodbyes, I hang up. I groan as I throw my head back.

I’m always up to a challenge, but the thought of going and having to function around her, after all she’s said and done; after she’s ruined us before there even was an us, that might be more difficult than I’d thought.

It’s not like I have a choice, though. I’m gonna have to learn how to be around her every day, especially when the season starts.

_________

“Drew, bro, if you spray me with that shit one more time, I swear to god, I will beat your ass.” I glared at him as he hid behind Jose, who put his hands up in surrender. I should not have bought him that water gun.

I rolled my eyes as I turned back to Azzi, who kept looking around, then back at her phone, repeating the process. I kicked her in her shin. “Ow! Paige, what the fuck?” Azzi complains, rubbing her leg. “Who are you looking for?” I say, glancing around.

She looks back down at her phone. “Nobody. Just people watching.” I scoff. “Bullshit, are we being spied on, or what?” She shakes her head, looking up around once more. “Okay, bro, what’s going on? Who’s ass do I have to beat?”

Azzi rolls her eyes at me. “You couldn’t beat Ohio, let alone anyone else.”

I sit back in shock, putting my hand on my heart as I feign offense. “Okay, their defense was so unexpected. You can’t even put that on me.” She shrugged, looking back at her phone and standing up. “Where-”

“Bathroom.” she mutters. I watch as she practically sprints away. If only she did that shit in practice. I shake my head.

I open my phone and begin mindlessly scrolling through instagram, ignoring the thousands of times I’ve been tagged in pictures that I’d taken with fans today. Suddenly, I freeze.

It’s a post by the official UConn women’s basketball team. It’s a picture of CJ in her Texas jersey, the number 43 on the front. Her hair is in her signature bun, hair slicked back carefully, as she drives towards the basket. The caption reads “Welcome CJ West!”

What the fuck?

I’m in such a state of shock that when Azzi comes back, I don’t notice the figure next to her. I glance up at her, then back at my phone. “Yo, Azzi, have you seen this?” I look up at her again, and this time, I let my eyes flick to the person next to her.

CJ.

Forgetting what I’d just seen, my jaw drops as I take her in. She’s just as beautiful, if not more, as she was the last time I’d seen her. She’s wearing a basic casual outfit; a plain white crop top, paired with blue jeans, and gold jewelry that always makes her hazel eyes seem brighter. Or maybe that’s just how they look naturally.

“Oh, shit.” I whisper, clearly in awe. She rolls her eyes.

Fuck.

“Hello to you, too, Paige.” Double fuck.

That fucking voice.

I clear my throat, trying to recover. “Hey, CJ.” I breathe. The lighthearted air is swallowed by suffocating tension as I make eye contact with a stranger.

“Oooookay…” Azzi says, clearing her throat. “This is about as awkward as I’d thought it’s be…” she mutters. CJ looks at her. “I told you.”

I look between them. “What’s going on?”

Azzi looked at CJ expectantly, gesturing to her to speak. CJ rolled her eyes and huffed. “I-uh, I have news.” CJ glanced between Azzi and I. She cleared her throat as she picked at her earlobe, a habit she’d picked up when she was younger. I’d always hold her hand to stop her, and I want to do that more than anything right now. I think I’ve lost that right, though.

“I’m transferring to UConn.”

My eyes flick to Azzi’s who’s jaw drops. “Really? How-Why?”

CJ shrugs, trying feign carelessness. “Better environment, Texas heat ain’ my thing.” To the normal eye, CJ’s behavior could be seen as normal. But to me? I see the way her eyelids flutter, the hesitation behind her pretty lips, and the way her eyebrows raise just slightly. She’s a good liar.

Just not good enough.

I don’t say anything, though, not when she gets dragged away by Drew and Jose, not when Drew practically begs her to stay and hang out with us, and certainly not when she’s sat in front of me on the ride Jon chooses. I don’t say anything when the boys get swept away, and it’s just the three of us, like it always used to be.

It’s only when Azzi goes to the bathroom, leaving us alone for the first time in years that I say anything. “Try not to kill each other, please.” She orders as she scurries to the restroom.

It’s silent for a moment, and I can almost see the relief on her face when she thinks I’ll hold my tongue.

Unfortunately, I’m nobody’s peace.

“How long are you here for?” I ask, stuffing my hands into my black cargo pants. She looks up at me. “Uh-just for the week, gotta move outta my dorm, and it’s a long drive, so.”

I raise my eyebrows. “You driving on your own?”

CJ nods. “Yeah, I’ll just sleep in my car or something.” I shake my head. “No fucking way, bro, you serious? That’s like a twenty hour drive.”

She crosses her arms. “So? That’s how I got here.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not goin’ on your own.” I say. Truthfully, I knew she’d be fine on her own, but something about her driving back to Texas, just to go back to Connecticut, doesn’t sit well with me. I’m only concerned for her safety. Or at least that’s what I decide to tell myself.

She scoffs. “What, you’re gonna come with me?”

“I could, if that’s what you want.”

“That’s the last thing I want.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“It’s not. Didn’t even wanna see you today.”

I turned to her. “Seriously, dude?” She looks at me. “Yes, seriously.”

I roll my eyes. I know I hurt her. I know I fucked up. But that was three years ago. We were kids. I was eighteen. I can legally drink now. It’s been three years. How can someone be upset for that long? “You gotta get over it one day.” I say before thinking about it.

I regret it when I see a flash of hurt on her face. “Get over it? That’s easy for you to say, Paige.” she spits out harshly.

Ouch.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I say, even though I know exactly what she meant. “Exactly what it sounds like. You get over shit quickly.” She shrugs. Her nonchalant tone pisses me off more than the words. I take a step towards her. “I didn’t ‘get over’ anything. There was nothing to ‘get over’. You were just jealous-”

“Jealous?” She interrupts incredulously. “Paige, you stuck your tongue down her throat!”

“And that pissed you off. Hence, jealousy.” I shrug.

“You were my best friend! It’s not fucking jealousy, it’s betrayal!” She practically yells, taking a step closer, our toes almost touching.

“I didn’t betray anybody! I was drunk! She was drunk! And I apologized afterward!” I say, trying to ignore the way her scent invades my senses.

She laughs dryly, taking a step back. “Right, you’re right. Yeah, an apology fixes it all.” I blink. “Really?”

CJ stares at me. “You’re a fucking idiot.” she says, and the only emotion I can pick up is anger. “I know.” I whisper.

Just then Azzi comes out of the bathroom, looking between us. “Everything okay?”

“Yep.” We say at the same time, and Azzi raises her eyebrows. “Aaaalrighty then… Can we find the boys, I’m ready to go.”

I nod and begin to walk behind Azzi, but I don’t miss the way CJ looks at me. I’m no expert, but if I know one thing, it’s the gaze of someone who’s been heartbroken.

I know because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen it every time I’ve looked in the mirror for the past three years.

__________

“There’s no way you’re driving to Texas by yourself.” Azzi gapes from the corner seat of the booth. Jose convinced Paige to drive us to some random diner. She’s so easy.

I roll my eyes as I take a sip of my sprite. “Bro, you sound like Paige.” I grumble.

“The fact that I’m agreeing with her should tell you how fucking stupid you sound.” she said. I look at her in shock as Paige throws her head back, cackling.

Fuck.

That stupid fucking laugh paired with that stupid fucking smile makes it so fucking hard to be mad at her. Maybe I should let it go. It has been three years…

No.

Instead of entertaining the thoughts, I opt for kicking her shin instead. “What do you think that says about you, dumbass.” She immediately shuts up, and I roll my eyes as Jon almost spits out his Dr. Pepper.

“I’ll have you know I was AP player of the year.” She defends, eyebrows furrowed. I raise my eyebrows unimpressed. “Still holding onto that, huh?”

Azzi laughs, and Paige shoots her a look. “Can we get back on task, please?” That seems to direct all the attention back to me. “Driving to Texas? All on your own?” Paige says.

“Yes. Did y’all forget how I got here? I didn’t fucking speedwalk.”

“Yeah, but you’re gonna go to Texas, spend, what, two full days staying up late and packing up three years of your life, and then driving the… twenty-nine, thirty, hour trip to Connecticut?” Azzi reasons.

I blink. “Well, when you put it like that..” I mutter.

Paige rolls her eyes. “Dude, just let us come with you. We can drive you there, so your car isn’t sitting in the middle of nowhere-”

“Isn’t your car in Storrs?”

“And we can switch drivers. Stay at a hotel halfway there, and then drive the rest of the way the day after.” She finishes, ignoring my comment. Before I can answer, the waiter comes with our food.

As he sets the plates down, I look at Paige, just taking her in. She’s wearing a plain black hoodie, with some red, white, and blue shorts on. It’s not much, but she could be wearing a trashbag and still be the hottest motherfucker around. It’s almost disgusting how effortlessly gorgeous she is.

I wouldn’t mind having someone to help me get to Connecticut. It’s a long drive, and it should be an easy yes. The truth is, when she looks like that, and acts like this, and talks the way she does… I don’t know how I’m going to get through the season, let alone a road trip.

I watch her lips as she says a thank you to the waiter, quickly averting my eyes when she looks at me. When the waiter leaves, I look back up and roll my eyes at her poor attempt to hide her smirk. As much as I wanted to wipe the smirk off her face, driving alone to Texas sounded dreadful. Plus, Paige has an okay music taste. Might not be that bad.

“Fine. You guys can come with me to Texas.”

Azzi smiles, clearly satisfied. Paige grins like a madman, clapping her hands. “This is going to be fun.”

I roll my eyes for the upteenth time tonight.

What the fuck did I just get myself into?

=======================

taglist: @wintersstan @bueckerrss @lilia22hicks @fake-intelligences @girlokwhatever @pbloverr @breeloveschris-deactivated20240 @cosmopretty @hellokittyfeenie @averagelobotomyenjoyer @elliewilliamsthang @chelisbae @angelscovee @st4rrzynight @cherryswisherz

[ajvocals43]

Country Girl (Shake it for me)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 3378

Warnings: Rushed writing (not edited), body image issues, cheesy cliches

Summary: Y/n is in love with Dean, but what happens when she decides to show him what he's missing out on?

A/N: I couldn't let Dean's birthday go by without writing a fic for him. This was done really quickly and hasn't been edited but I've had this idea for a while. I will also say, I didn't add it but if you play Whole Lotta Woman by Kelly Clarkson during the beginning of the bar scene, it hits. That, along with Country Girl by Luke Bryan are what this was based off of.

Hot. That was my only thought as I stepped out of the backseat of the dark chevy impala. I stared up at the western themed motel in the small town in the middle of seemingly nowhere. Dean was freaking out, as per usual when it came to the ���Wild West”, and what better place to be for all that than Texas. It’d been a long time since I’d been to the lone star state; not since I was a teenager trading months between my parents. It hadn’t seemed as hot then. Right now, I felt like I was standing on the surface of the sun in my dress pants and blouse that I’d worn to interview families while Dean and Sam went to the Morgue. I really needed some shorts. Really, I needed the confidence to wear some shorts. 

“Is anyone else sweating balls out here?” I asked the brothers who were grabbing their things out of the trunk to head into the room. My question fell on deaf ears as they both continued their conversation inside the air conditioning. They were probably both tired of my complaining since it hasn't stopped since we hit the dry heat earlier this afternoon. I sighed, grabbing my bag, shutting Baby’s trunk and heading into the room. Sometimes we split into 2 rooms but most times there were rooms that had 3 beds, or 2 beds and a cot that we would rotate through each town. This would have been my turn to have a cot but luckily, there were 3 beds lined up against the far wall. I sighed as the air conditioning kicked on and I felt the vent above me start to blow cold air into the room. 

“Better, princess?” Dean called from where he stood at the thermostat on the wall opposite me. I nodded, feeling the cold air chill my skin from the hot summer sun outside, walking over to my bed on the left side of the room. 

“Didn't you grow up in Texas, Y/n?” Sam asked from where he sat on his laptop. “Shouldn't you be used to the heat?” 

“I alternated months. And I never came in August because no sane person comes to Texas in August, Dean!” I called over my shoulder, rifling through my clothes for something that wasn't coated in sweat. 

I heard Dean chuckling behind me as he moved about the room. “Sorry, I don't choose where monsters kill people.” 

“Please, you're just happy you get to wear a cowboy hat again.” I shot back.

“You're damn right I am!” Dean said with a smirk. “And don't forget the boots, either, sweetheart.” 

I rolled my eyes as I went to get out my laptop, unable to stop the smile that crept onto my face. Sam was right, I'd spent a lot of time in Texas growing up and I'd loved it. Times had changed though and while there were pieces I'd always love and miss, it wasn't home anymore.  But I did have to admit, seeing Dean’s excitement made me feel something that I hadn't felt in a long time. It was rare to see him like this and for a second, I just let myself enjoy that, not knowing the next time I would be able to see it. 

Yeah ok, so I'm one of the dumb girls who fell for Dean Winchester. Sue me. I'm not going to go through the whole story of how the brothers saved my life and we became besties but then I started to grow feelings for the elder brother through the endless flirty banter. It's not necessary and I don't want to waste time on it. But it didn't change the facts. I was in love with him. And he didn't even notice me. 

Could I be more of a cliche? 

 Apparently, yes. 

We had a lot of work to do, so we got to putting the stories together and starting on the research for the night. And it took forever, especially considering how tired we all were from the drive into town. We decided to have dinner and call it an early night. 

 We’d spent a couple hours researching and coming up with a plan before Dean announced that he was bored out of his mind and going out. Sam looked at me, we both knew I was going with him. 

It wasn't that I didn't enjoy going out with Dean, I relished and feared the alone time in equal measure. Because on one hand, having time alone with Dean usually meant I got to see parts of him that I don't think he lets others see very often. And that just made me all the more hopeless because it felt like what he told me in these moments connected us on an even deeper level and that I knew him better than any one night stand or past girlfriend ever could. Because I knew the now Dean. The one that had been through hell, purgatory and so much more. I could understand him because I knew he wasn't the same 26 year old hunter that those girls had thought they could fix. I was under no delusions of being able to fix Dean Winchester. He was a fully grown adult and I was not his mother. But I think what kept my unreasonable hope of ever being with him going was that I accepted him. Bad habits, snap decision making, self-sacrificing traits and all. Because he was Dean. And all those broken parts that left scars and tore apart past relationships made him the most caring, courageous and loving person I'd ever known. 

On the other hand though, going out alone with Dean sometimes meant having to deal with broody moods, childish behavior and… picking up girls. Girls who looked nothing like me. I wasn't ashamed of my size…for the most part. I could appreciate my curves most days, but there were times where I struggled not looking like the bartenders or waitresses at the establishments we stopped at. The kinds of girls Dean picked up. He rarely ever went home with girls now, but it still happened. And it was not a fun time for me to sit in the backseat so he could drop me off at the hotel with Sam like I was a kid. Or even worse, when I refused to ride and had to walk or wait for an Uber to come pick me up. Because then, Dean wouldn't leave until someone safe showed up to come get me, and while I appreciated the thought, I did not appreciate the glares from the girls or the feeling like I was a child who couldn't take care of herself. 

Regardless, because we were friends, I wanted to look out for him. I knew Sam got some anxiety when Dean would just up and leave sometimes because you never know what could be lurking in the shadows, especially in our line of work. Or at least that's what he told me. I had the stinking suspicion he just wanted me out of the room because he knew about my feelings for Dean and didn't want to monitor my moping while he was gone. Which was understandable. 

 Dean and I got into our respective sides of the car as usual. Sam normally rode up front in the passenger’s seat, but would sometimes sacrifice the leg room for me when I got car sick. This wasn’t new by any means and yet, my body’s reactions were as if this was the first time we’d been this close together. I was hyperaware of his smell, the sounds of the leather moving and adjusting underneath us, the feel of the engine under me. I rustled through his box of cassettes on the floor before landing on Bob Seger. Dean gave me a look as I switched out the Led Zeppelin that had been in earlier. I shrugged and turned up the volume as the opening notes of Rock ‘N’ Roll Never Forgets came through the speakers. Dean was still giving me a weird look so I ignored him and started singing, waiting to enjoy the feel of the rushing air cooling down the car as we pulled out onto the road. 

Surprisingly, we didn't go to a bar though. Dean pulled Baby into a parking spot in front of a western shop that couldn't have been more than a mile away from the motel. What were we doing here? With the lack of movement on my part, Dean rounded the car and opened my door for me.

 “Come on, Princess. Let's get some gear.” I just stared at him. Why were we here? “You comin?” He asked when I just stared at him in shock. 

“Uh… y-yeah.” I stuttered. I truly didn't expect this from him. I scrambled to get out of the car and follow Dean who had turned with a smile and begun to walk into the store. 

As I entered the store, I got over my shock and figured he probably wanted a hat. Or boots based on the extensive collection that lined 3 of the 4 walls in the store. I followed him for a little before I ventured off to find shorts. The sweating was starting to get uncomfortable and I couldn't last much longer in jeans and dark shirts. I wandered through the racks, attempting to find clothes in my size, of which there weren't as many as I would like. But I did find some. A few lighter material tops and shorts that seemed like they’d fit. But I got distracted (I know, terrible for a hunter) and missed Dean sneaking up behind me. 

“What about these?” I turned to find Dean with a pair of what could barely be considered shorts. And sure they were cute with all their jewels and the belt that was looped through them, but they would no doubt look like underwear on me. 

“You’re funny.” I said as I turned back to what I was looking at. 

“I do.” he agreed, “But what's wrong with these?” 

“Theyre short.” I scoffed. 

“Isnt that the point of shorts?” he asked, seemingly confused. He wasn't wrong. And on good days, they were something I might wear. 

“I see your point. I guess” I said hesitantly. 

“Great! Then let's grab some boots…” he turned and eyed a scrap of fabric that was supposed to be a shirt “and this” he picked it up “and get out of here.” I laughed and followed obediently. 

We picked up some boots because we needed to be “authentic” for some reason and left for the motel. When we got back to the room, Sam was still in the same place we’d left him. “I’d assumed you guys went to get food or something.” He said before turning his computer towards us. “But get this. I think I found what we’re looking for.” 

The rest of the hunt went pretty smoothly. A simple salt and burn, and only Sam got mildly injured from being thrown into a wall. So we decided to celebrate. Well…Dean did. I figured this time I would stay back. 

“Why didn't you go with?” Sam asked from his place at the table. 

“Didn't feel like it.” I shrugged, not looking up from my book. 

“Uh huh.” Sam said. He paused for a while before saying “Y’know, he's not going to know how you feel unless you show him.” 

“Show? Not tell?” 

“Well we all know both of you are terrible at expressing your feelings. So maybe showing would be easier.” At this, he shut his computer and turned to look at me. 

I put my book down. “I love your confidence in me Sam, but you see as clearly as I do what his type is.” I said, trying not to let my sadness show. 

“Maybe…” he drew out, “But I also know my brother.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. 

“It means, you should go to the bar.” Sam said, as if it were that simple. Maybe it was for other girls. The ones who didn't have the history we did. 

“Im scared Sam.” I finally confessed. 

“And?” he asked. “I don't remember you ever letting a man control your life.”  

He was right. I was a total cliche but… to be honest, I loved making people realize they'd underestimated me. The bar wasn't far, close enough to walk even though Dean had taken the car. Sam’s words got me thinking. And while I was terrified of being rejected by him, I felt like I owed it to myself to have a good time, regardless of what or who Dean was doing. 

So it was time to get off my ass and stop moping. I went over to my duffel bag in the corner of the room and found the shorts and top Dean had picked out earlier that week. What better way than to make a man regret than to throw his own choices back at him. I jumped into the shower and pulled on the clothes. It was a lot more skin than I usually showed but… it'd do the trick. The shorts did wonders for my ass and the top the same for my boobs. And while I wasn't fond of my thighs spilling out the bottom with the highest inseam of a short I'd ever had, it was a pretty sexy look. As a hunter, I never wore makeup so I did my hair and was about ready to leave, when at the last minute, I changed my regular thick boots for the cowboy boots we’d gotten earlier that week. It'd been a while since I'd rocked the denim and boots look, I kind of missed it if I was honest. 

And with that, I bade Sam goodbye and walked out the door. When I walked in, it was actually pretty crowded. It must've been a dancing night because when I looked to my right, there were at least 30 people on the floor line dancing. Maybe I'd head over there. But then I spotted Dean at the bar and I made my way over to him, swaying my hips just a little so as to draw a bit of attention from those around me. Maybe they’d see what he was missing. I stopped in front of him and he seemed stunned. Probably surprised that I came out tonight when I'd been adamant about staying in the motel earlier. But then, of course, the bartender returned and started flirting with Dean.

Refusing to let that break my mood, I turned and smiled at someone on the other end of the bar. He smiled back and waved. Just then, the music changed, and I heard the beginning guitar of Luke Bryan’s Country Girl start blasting from the stage. It was one of the few newer line dances I’d kept up with. I'd gone dancing years ago with a friend of mine and she taught me it so I at least knew one modern dance. I jumped up and strutted over to the floor, my steps falling to the beat of the song. 

And wow. In my constant fight against the supernatural, I sometimes forgot how much fun simple things like dancing could be. I lost myself in the moves, getting more into it until I was in the middle of the floor, smiling and laughing with those around me. Throughout the song, I let my worries fade away and let myself embody the spirit of the lyrics. Until it came to an end. I turned around to leave and found Dean had moved from the bar to one of the smaller standing tables that rounded the dancefloor. I made my way over to him. 

“I almost forgot how much fun those are.” I panted, coming off the dance floor. 

“Yeah, I bet.” Dean answered as he slid a glass of ice water to me across the small table top. “You were a natural out there though.” 

I took a sip and let the cool water slide down my throat. “That? It's really just about getting the repetition.” 

“Nah, I'll leave that to the professionals,” he held his bottle of beer up in a salute to me. “I'm just fine with my place watching.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked, looking back to the dance floor. “Who were you watching? The blonde? The redhead?” I tried for nonchalance. 

“You.” I heard him say behind me. It took a second for the word to register. 

I turned around, confused. “What?” 

“I'm always watching you. You know that.” 

Right. I really needed to stop getting my hopes up about things that were not real. “Dean, I appreciate that, but I promise, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself-”

“It's not like that and you know it.” 

“Dean, I-”  I started. 

“Baby, don't make me spell it out for you; you know I want you.” He deadpaned. 

My jaw dropped. There was no way I had just heard that right. “Huh?”

He looked at me silently, waiting for me to wrap my brain around what he was saying, like it wasn't the last thing I had expected to hear come out of his mouth. 

“You…want me?” I asked finally. “Like me, Y/n, me?”

Dean chuckled slightly. “So the teasing wasn't intentional. 

“Teasing?” I asked, bewildered. “What teasing?” 

“The dancing, the flirting, the tight clothes-” 

“Tight clothes?” I blurted. 

“Not like that.” he started. I hadn't realized the sexist connotation to those words as he’d said them. “Sweetheart, you have to have realized what you do to me when you wear those jeans, or leggins, or those deep v tops.” 

“That's because they don't make a lot of clothes that fit bodies like mine.” 

“Really?” his voice dropped. “Cause I'm pretty sure that every stitch of clothes you're wearing, right down to those boots were made specifically to fit every inch of your body perfectly.” He grabbed onto my belt buckle and pulled me, harshly against him. “And to drive me right out of my damn mind.” 

Well fuck me. 

Literally. Please. 

My eyes dropped to his lips. Inches from mine now, I could feel his body heat radiating through our clothes. He leaned down, his right hand moved from my belt up my back and into my hair, grabbing a fist full of curls and pulling gently, drawing my eyes up to his. I licked my suddenly dry lips as I watched him smirk before leaning in slowly, giving me plenty of time to back out. Fat chance of that happening. I raised up on my toes and met him halfway, sealing our lips together in the single hottest kiss I'd ever had. I'd laughed at the amount of girls that gushed over his abilities but holy hell. They were right. I held onto him as we kissed every last breath out of our lungs, only pulling away when it started to hurt. I felt his smile against my own as we caught our breath.  

This was crazy. Absolutely insane. And incredible. “Damn woman.” Dean said, his breaths matching mine. “You drive me crazy.” 

“I know the feeling.” 

“Yeah?” he asked with a smirk. 

“Yeah.” I said dreamily. But my smile sobered as I remembered the bartender. “But what about-” 

“What about what Y/n?” he asked. 

“The bartender?” I asked. He looked at me blankly. “Shes cute.” 

“And?” he asked. “Princess, have you seen yourself?” He made a show of looking me over. “You’d drive any man out of his mind. I'm just lucky you chose to do it to me.” 

“Who said this was for you?” 

His face turned damn near murderous for a moment. “Let them try it and see what happens.” With that, his hand slid down to wrap around my waist and pull me impossibly tighter to him. There would be no doubt to anyone that we were together. “You’re stuck with me now sweetheart.” 

“Sweetheart?” I asked, playfully. “Not ‘princess’?” since that seemed to be his favorite name for me as of late. 

“You like that, huh?” he asked gruffly. “Well…you're mine, princess.” And with that, he leaned down to kiss me again. 

Masterlist 

[winchesterwild78]

An Unexpected Friendship pt 10

Master List

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader, Reader’s daughter, Jensen’s children

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: FLUF, Smut!

A/N: This is a short story written in collaboration with @cheekygirl2309.

This chapter is the FINAL chapter. I’ve loved creating this story with @cheekygirl2309. I’ve had so much fun and enjoyed reading all of the love and support for this story. 

No disrespect to Jensen or his family. This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. Written and edited fast-please overlook any errors. 

Minors DNI 18+

The next few months were so amazing. Jensen was true to his word and invited Josh’s parents to every big event we had. I was grateful they came and felt like they were family. Jazzy was also so proud of her new last name. 

When we went to the school to change her name, she proudly announced she was an Ackles. The secretaries smiled and congratulated her. In public she would introduce Jensen as her daddy. Since our engagement and the adoption, social media had exploded with stories and pictures of all of us. 

Jensen and I officially went public and most of the fans were supportive. I did my best to tune out the negative and focus on the positive ones. It was hard at times, but I knew I had Jensen to help navigate me through it. 

Jensen and I talked about the wedding and we both agreed we wanted a small, intimate ceremony with just our children, close family and friends. Since Jensen officiated his wedding, Jensen reached out to Jeffery Dean Morgan to officiate ours. He was thrilled to do it. I was excited to meet him and his family. We had FaceTimed, but never met in person. 

Jensen and I also wanted to write our own vows. It took me by surprise when he mentioned it. I was nervous, because how do you really put into words how someone saved you when you thought you weren’t worth saving. I love Jensen, and I only hoped I could put it into words good enough to show him how much he means to me. 

Our wedding date was set, we were going to have a Spring wedding. Mid-April, at dusk, and hopefully under a tent. I of course told Jensen we needed a backup plan in the event of rain. “It’s Texas sweetheart, I don’t think it’s going to rain.” “Still, I’d like a backup plan.” I chuckled.

“Okay, how about we have it at The Allan House, right here in Austin? It has space inside and out. So if we have to move it inside we can still have it in the same place. The ceremony and reception can all be there.” He pulled it up on the computer and the photos were breathtaking. I smiled, “Jensen, it’s beautiful. Do you really think we can book it?”

“Absolutely, I know the owner, so I’ll give them a call.” I playfully rolled my eyes, “Of course you do.” Jensen laughed and called. When he got off the phone he smiled, “We’re all set, sweetheart. Are you ready to start planning our wedding?” 

I smiled and pulled him in my arms, “Yes, Jensen! I’m more than ready.”

*Time Jump 3 days before the Wedding*

“Jensen, I need to go with Gen and Nichole to pick up my dress. When is Jeff coming in again?” “He should be here today. His wife and the kids will be coming in tomorrow I believe. He’s going with me today to get fitted for his tux. I gave the tailor his measurements, so I hope it fits.” “Me too, Jens. Okay, I’ll be back later. I love you.” “I love you too, the kids are going with mom and dad for the afternoon, so when you get back they won’t be here.” 

I grabbed my stuff and nodded. As I got to the door I heard Jensen clear his throat. “Did you forget something, darlin’?” I turned on my heels and chuckled, “Nope.” I said, popping the “p” as I leaned in and kissed him goodbye. “How could I ever forget kissing you. It’s one of my favorite things to do.” 

Jensen chuckled, “Oh and what are some of your other favorite things to do?” I smirked, got really close to his lips again and said, “you”. Then kissed him again. He grabbed my hand as I tried to pull away, “Then what’s stopping you?” Jensen pulled me flush to his strong body and I felt his arousal straining against his jeans. 

“Baby I have an appointment at the dress shop. I don’t want to miss it, unless you want me to get married naked.” Jensen wiggled his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes and playfully hit his chest, “Jens, I’m not getting married naked. Sorry to disappoint you.” Jensen threw his head back and laughed. 

He kissed me again and we said our goodbyes. 

I arrived at the dress shop with a few minutes to spare. Gen and Nichole were waiting outside for me. They hugged me and we walked in. “Y/N! So happy to see you. Your dress is ready. Are you ready to try it on one last time?” I smiled and nodded. 

Gen and Nichole sat on the couches and waited for me. When I came around the corner both of them gasped and I saw tears in their eyes. Sally, the owner, walked behind me and fluffed the dress as I stood on the platform. “Okay, Y/N, one last touch.” She placed a veil on my head. I took a deep steady breath looking in the mirror. I looked over my shoulder at Nichole and Gen with tears in my eyes.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N. Jensen isn’t going to know what hit him.” I stood there looking in the mirror and the realization hit me. I was about to get married to Jensen and I had nobody to walk me down the aisle. 

Tears started to fall. My mother had passed away not long after Josh, and my father left us when I was two. Nichole rushed to my side and pulled me close, “Shh, it’s okay sweetie. You have me, Gen, Jared and the kids.” “I know, and I love you all so much. I just don’t know how I’m going to walk down that aisle alone. My mom walked me to Josh.” 

She pulled me tight, “I can do it if you want me to.” I smiled, “I know, but I need you standing up there with me and making sure Jensen doesn’t pass out.” We all three laughed. Gen was by my side too, “Honey, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You can do this. Jensen, all of your babies and all of us are there with you and for you. You know Jared would walk you down the aisle if you wanted him to.” 

I nodded, “Yeah, he offered, but I don’t want to take him away from Jensen. He needs his brother by his side. Okay, enough of this crying. Let’s get me out of this gorgeous dress and you two into yours.”

I changed into my regular clothes, while Gen and Nichole got into their dresses. When they came out they were absolutely breathtaking. “You two are so beautiful.” Nichole squealed when she realized the dress had pockets, “Y/N! Look! It has pockets.” We all laughed, “Yep, I made sure they did, and so does mine.” 

With our dresses in hand we headed out to get some last minute things for the wedding. Gen was keeping my dress at her house so Jensen wouldn’t see it, and I already had the kids’ outfits for the wedding. The girls were wearing matching dresses and Zeppelin was wearing a tuxedo that matched Jensen’s.

Jensen and I selected Navy blue, white, and gold as our wedding colors. The main colors being blue and gold. My dress was white, and the back opened into a beautiful navy blue that ran the length of the dress, and around the top of the bodice was blue. The girls’ dresses were navy blue, with white flowers on the skirts. Jensen and Zeppelin were wearing navy blue tuxedos, and his groomsmen were wearing grey. 

As the day approached, my nerves were starting to get the better of me. I thought about my wedding with Josh and how I was so nervous before, I actually threw up in the bridal suite. I really hoped this one would be different.

*Wedding Day*

I woke up early, stretched and reached for Jensen out of habit. My heart faltered a little when my hand hit the empty bed. He stayed with Jared last night. We decided we wouldn’t see each other until the ceremony. I was so excited to see his reaction when he turned around and saw me at the other end of the aisle.

I got out of bed, showered and went downstairs to a note on the counter and an artificial rose. I knew that handwriting from anywhere, it was Jensen. I smiled because I knew he snuck in last night after I went to bed to leave this for me. 

I opened the note and smiled as I read it.

My love,

Today is the day we promise before our family and God to be together forever. The road that led us here was bumpy, but we got through it together. I can’t wait to see how beautiful you’re going to look in your dress. I know you’re going to take my breath away, like you have since the day I met you. I love you, darlin’, until that rose I left you dies. I’ll see you later, beautiful.

Love,

J

I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.

Me: Thank you for my wonderful surprise this morning. I’ll love you until the rose dies too. 

Jensen: I’m glad you liked it. I love you so much baby.

Me: I love you too, handsome. I can’t wait to see you in your tux. You know what it does to me, and wait until your fans see it. They are gonna go feral. 😘 🤤

Jensen: Ha! They go feral over everything.

Me: Of course they do, have you seen you?!

Jensen: Every single day in the shower. 😉

Me: Oh you’re so mean. Now I can’t stop thinking about you naked.

Jensen: Then mission accomplished. 😂 

Me: Okay, Mr. Ackles, you’re going to pay. 

Jensen: Ooo how?

Me: *1 image sent* this is what I’m wearing under my dress

Jensen: Damn baby. Now that’s mean. I can’t wait to take that off of you. 

Me: Patience my love. Just think the whole time I’m standing next to you, dancing, we’re walking around, that is what is under my dress. Just waiting for you.

Jensen growled and adjusted his pants when he read what I wrote. 

Jensen: You’re killing me.

Me: Oops, sorry baby. 😘 I love you, I need to get ready to leave or Gen and Nichole are going to drag me out of here. 

Jensen: Yeah, Jared is banging on the door. I love you too baby. See you soon.

Gen, Nichole and I arrived at the Allan House to get ready for the wedding. Jensen’s mom had the kids, and Josh’s parents were there to help with them too. My hair and makeup was done. I wore my hair half up and half down, with ringlets cascading over my shoulders. 

Jensen was across the property in the groom’s suite when there was a knock at the door. Jared opened it and saw Bill. “May I come in?” Jared stepped to the side. Jensen was in his tux and turned to shake Bill’s hand. “Bill, thank you for being here with us today. It means so much to Y/N and I.” 

“You’re welcome. Jensen I wonder if I could talk to you in private for a minute?” “Of course. Jared, can you give us a minute?” Jared nodded and left the room. “Bill, you wanted to speak to me? Is everything okay?” “Oh yeah, everything is perfect. Y/N is like a daughter to me, us. Even before she married Josh she was part of our family. When she married Josh and had Jazzy we felt on top of the world. After Josh died, a part of her died with him, but she kept that sweet, caring heart we all loved so much. We were so thankful when she met you and fell in love again, and even more thankful you were willing to have us in your lives. We can never repay you for that, son. Jensen, Margaret and I would like you to have this. I wore them when I married Margaret, and Josh wore them when he married Y/N. We want you to have them so when Jazzy gets old enough you can give them to her to use in her wedding.” 

Bill handed Jensen a small box, when he opened it there were beautiful gold, sapphire and diamond cufflinks. “Bill, these are beautiful, I can’t take them. They belong in your family.” Bill placed a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, “Son, you are family. They belong with you and Y/N.” “Bill, I’d be honored to wear them, thank you, sir.” Jensen and Bill exchanged a hug as he took the box. 

I was standing in the bridal suite taking deep breaths, looking at myself in the mirror when there was a knock on the door. Nichole answered it and when I looked up I saw Margaret and Bill. “Wow, sweetie, you’re stunning.” Margaret said as she pulled me into a hug. 

Bill stood to the side and just looked at me. I took a deep breath, “Do I look okay?” I asked him. He stepped forward, “Sweetheart, you’re even more beautiful than the day you married Joshua. Jensen is a lucky man.” He hugged me and I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes. 

It was a few minutes until the ceremony started and I still felt a pang of sadness about walking down the aisle alone. Jensen’s mom and Margaret got the kids in place, Gen and Nichole got in place and I took one last look in the mirror. 

Bill was standing at the door waiting for me. “You okay, kiddo?” My eyes flicked to him and he saw the tears in mine. He pulled me in a hug, “Shh, you’ve got this sweetie. That man out there is in love with you and I know you two are going to be incredibly happy.” I nodded. Then it hit me. I might not have grown up with a father, but I had a dad and he was standing right there with me. 

“Bill?” “Yes, sweetie?” “If you say no it’s okay. I completely understand, but would you do me the honor of walking me down the aisle?” “It would be my honor to do that.” I nodded, he took my arm and we walked outside. 

The sun was just starting to set, so the twinkle lights under the tent were sparkling with the orange glow from the setting sun. It was breathtaking. 

I heard the music start for the kids, Gen and Nichole. Then came my music. Bill took my arm and we walked out and around the corner. Jeff motioned for everyone to stand. 

Jensen turned around and locked eyes with me. I saw tears in his eyes. I walked down the aisle, my eyes never leaving his. Trying to steady my breath, because damn did he look amazing in his tux. 

At the end of the aisle, Bill hugged me, and gave my hand to Jensen. He shook Jensen’s hand and then hugged me again. Nichole fluffed my dress and I handed her my flowers, taking both of Jensen’s hands. 

He leaned over and whispered, “God you’re so beautiful.” I smiled. 

Jeff began the ceremony and it was time for our vows. Jensen went first. "The day I met you, I knew I had found something special. You were hurting, scared, and alone. I vowed to protect you, to love you, and to give you the happiness you deserve. I promise to always be your rock, your confidant, and your love. I'm grateful for the chance to be a part of your life. You've brought light into my world. You've shown me the meaning of unconditional love. I promise to be the best husband and father I can be. I'll always be there to support you, to encourage you, and to love you. Together, we'll build a future filled with love, laughter, and happiness. I'm so grateful for the chance to love you and our daughter. You've given me a reason to live, and a purpose. I promise to always be there for you, to provide for you, and to protect you. I'll cherish every moment we share, forever. I love you, Y/N."

My breath hitched, as the tears pricked my eyes. Then it was my turn. "When I first met you, I was lost in a storm. You were the lighthouse, steady and strong, guiding me to safety. You didn't just take me in; you welcomed me and my daughter into your heart. I promise to love you, cherish you, and honor you always. Thank you for being my hero. You saw me when I couldn't see myself. You loved me when I thought love was a distant memory. You're not just my partner, you're my protector, my provider, and my best friend. I promise to be the best wife and mother I can be, to love you unconditionally, and to build a beautiful future together. I've found in you a love that's rare and true. You've shown me what it means to be loved and cared for. I promise to be your constant, your support, and your joy. Together, we'll face whatever life throws our way, hand in hand. I love you, Jensen.”

Jeff smiled and Jensen nodded at him, “Jensen and Y/N have also written vows to their children, which they will say now. 

Jensen began, "Jazmyne, I promise to always be here for you, to love you unconditionally, and to guide you on your journey. I promise to be a loving and supportive dad, and to always be there to listen and to help. When you came into my life I had no idea what was missing. You and your mom were the missing pieces in my life. I will spend the rest of my life being the dad you deserve, and helping guide you through life’s trials, and love you until all the stars fall from the sky.” Jazzy leaped in his arms and held him tight. “I love you too, daddy.”

I took a deep breath and looked at JJ, Arrow and Zeppelin. “JJ, Arrow and Zeppy, I promise to always be a source of love, laughter, and support for you three. I'll be there for your triumphs, your setbacks, and everything in between. We will tackle it all together. I vow to honor the bond you share with your dad, and the love and bond you had with your mom. I am extremely honored to be a part of your lives, and to watch you grow. I’ve loved you three since the beginning and I’ll love you three until all the stars fall. Together the six of us will be a family and will always be there to take care of each other. I love you three so much.” They hugged me tightly, “We love you too.”

When I stood up, Jeff smiled. “Jensen, do you take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?” 

Jensen looked at me and smiled, “I do.” Then Jeff turned to me, “Y/N, do you take Jensen to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?” I looked at Jensen and smiled, “I do.” 

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Jensen, you may kiss your bride.” Jensen pulled me flush to him, leaned me back and kissed me deeply. Cheers and applause erupted. When Jensen pulled me back up we turned to face everyone. “It is my honor to announce for the first time, Mr and Mrs Jensen and Y/N Ackles.” 

Jensen, and I took each other’s hands and walked down the aisle together. We walked into the bridal suite to wait for photos. Inside Jensen closed and locked the door. 

He walked over to me and pulled me in for another deep kiss. He pulled away and looked at me, “You are absolutely breathtaking, darlin’. Are you wearing that thing you sent me under this?” He tried to pull my dress to the side and I giggled. “Yes I am, but you’re going to have to wait to see it. If you mess up my hair before pictures, Gen and Nichole are going to kick your ass.” 

He pulled me flush to his body, “Worth it.” I giggled as he started to kiss down my neck. I moaned as his hands started running up and down my body. Jensen’s hands slid down to the bottom of my dress and lifted up my skirt, revealing the dark blue lingerie I was wearing. 

Jensen bit his lip and growled. “Damn baby, this is beautiful, but definitely in the way.” I grabbed his hand, and that’s when I felt the cufflinks. “Jens, where did you get these?” “Bill and Margaret gave them to me. They wanted me to wear them when I married you, because you’re like a daughter to them.” I nodded, “That’s so sweet, Jens. These look like the ones Josh wore.” “That’s because they are, sweetheart.” I gasped, “Oh wow.” 

There was a knock on the door. It was Gen telling us it was time to get pictures taken. After pictures, it was time to enjoy the reception. We danced, ate, drank and had so much fun. 

As the night wore on the kids were starting to get sleepy. Jensen’s parents were keeping the kids for the night so Jensen and I could be alone. We had decided instead of a honeymoon with just the two of us, we were going on a family moon and taking the kids with us. We were leaving in two days, so Jensen and I had two days alone.

It was time for Jensen and I to leave the reception. Everyone lined up with sparklers and created an arch for us to walk under. When we got to the end, I turned around and hugged all of the kids and told them good night. Jensen helped me into Baby, and then walked around and slid in the driver’s seat. 

He took my hand in his and kissed it. “Ready to go home, Mr. Ackles?” “You better believe it, Mrs. Ackles. I can’t wait to get you out of that dress.” 

I chuckled and bit my lip. My body tingled with anticipation of what was to come. 

Jensen pulled into the driveway and walked around to my door. He opened it and offered me his hand. When he pulled me out of the car he pulled me flush to his body. His lips hovered over mine. I could feel his hot breath on my lips. I swallowed hard, my heart beating wildly in my chest. 

Jensen kissed me softly and took my hand, leading me to the door. Opening the door, Jensen looked at me, scooped me up and carried me over the threshold. “Welcome home, Mrs. Ackles.” He gently put me down and closed and locked the door. 

As soon as the door was locked, Jensen’s lips and hands were back on me. He kissed down my neck and to my cleavage. I tilted my head back and let out a moan. “Jens, please.” 

Jensen took my hand and led me upstairs to our room. He moved my hair to the side and started to unzip my dress. I shivered when his fingers brushed against my skin. When my dress was unzipped I let it fall at my feet. 

Standing before my husband in the navy blue lingerie I had on under my dress. Jensen bit his lip, “God this looks better in person. I am one lucky man.” I blushed.   

Jensen started to take off his tuxedo. I sat on the edge of the bed, watching him strip. My thighs clenched together when he was down to his boxers. My hands ran up his toned chest and into his hair as I stood to kiss his lips. 

I could feel his arousal through the thin material of his boxers, and my arousal soaking my panties. 

Jensen laid me back on the bed, pulled me down to the side and threw my legs over his shoulders. He unsnapped the bottom of the lingerie, exposing my dripping core. “Damn baby, you’re soaked.” I bit my lip and nodded. He kissed up my thighs and when he got to my pussy he slid his fingers inside. I gasped at the sudden feeling of fullness. Jensen hooked his fingers up, and his mouth attached to my clit. He sucked and licked, pushing me closer to the edge. My hands gripping the sheets and then his hair. I threw my head back, moaning and begging him not to stop. 

“Oh fuck, Jensen! That feels so good. Don’t stop.” This encouraged him to go faster. I bucked my hips into his mouth. He sucked my swollen clit as his fingers continued pumping in and out of me, deeper and deeper. 

“Jens..I’m…gonna…cum..oh fuck!” I moaned and pulled his head into my pussy. I felt the sting of his beard rubbing on my sensitive skin. I came hard with a loud scream of his name. Jensen kept going, and as my legs tried to close, he held them apart. I came again without warning. My body is sensitive and overstimulated. I screamed his name again. 

Jensen finally leaned up, my release covering his face. He hovered over me and placed a kiss on my lips. I tasted my release and deepened the kiss. Jensen leaned up and removed his boxers, his cock pink and wet with precum. I leaned forward and took his cock in my hand. Guiding it to my mouth. I began to suck him down deep into my throat. Jensen hissed when I sucked him into his balls. 

“Oh fuck, baby! Just like that.” I continued to suck him. My hands gripped his thighs as I took every inch of him in my mouth. Jensen’s hands went into my hair and began to push my head onto his cock. 

“Yes, baby. Let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours. God, you feel so good.” The sounds of his moans and me sucking filled the room. Jensen’s breath ragged. Then he pulled me off of him.

“Jens, what happened? Did I hurt you?” Jensen cupped my face, “No darlin’ that was amazing, but if you kept it up I would have cum down your throat and I want to make love to my wife tonight.” 

I smiled and nodded. He laid me back and crawled up between my legs. “You ready baby?” I nodded. Jensen took his length in his hand and lined himself up. With one thrust he bottomed out. Both of us were moaning as he filled me up. He stopped and allowed my body to adjust to his size. 

He always stretched me in ways that had my head reeling. He began to move. His movements, slow and deliberate. He was making love to me, without hurrying through to get to his release. 

His lips trailed over my body, our fingers finding each other and interlocking as he held my hands down on the bed. Our bodies moved together in slow, deliberate motions. My body was filled with desire, love and bliss. 

“I love you, Jensen.” I whispered. “I love you too, Y/N. So much.” 

“I want you on top, baby. I want to see your beautiful body.” I nodded, Jensen pulled out and laid down. I climbed on top, lined him back up and took him back inside. I placed my hands on his chest to steady myself. I began to rock my hips back and forth. 

Jensen’s hands held onto my breasts as I continued to ride him. He was in so deep I could feel his cockhead hitting my cervix with each thrust. I rocked my hips and bounced faster. Something ignited in Jensen, because he lifted his legs up, held onto my hips and began to thrust up in me. His thrusts grew faster as his moans became louder. “Oh fuck, Y/N. You feel so good. I’m gonna cum, baby.” 

“Yes, Jensen! Cum in me, fill me up with your seed.” A few more thrusts and Jensen was grunting, spilling his hot seed inside me. I could feel his cock twitch inside me. When I felt him stop, I climbed off, went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I came back with a washcloth and started to clean Jensen. Since he was extra sensitive he took the cloth and cleaned himself. 

When he was done he threw it to the side and pulled me close to him. Jensen cupped my face and kissed me deeply. “Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for coming into our lives, loving us and becoming my wife. I love you so much baby and I promise you I will love you until the end of time.” 

I smiled softly and looked into his green eyes so full of love, “I love you too, Jensen. Thank you for loving me and Jazzy and becoming my husband. I’ll love you until the end of time.” 

Jensen pulled me close to him, grabbed the blanket and put it over us. “Good night, darlin’.” I laid my head on his chest, “Good night, baby.” The two of us drifted off to sleep thinking about how an unexpected friendship could lead to this beautiful family and incredible love we created together.

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[stardustrebels]

More of You- Chapter 1

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

WC: 1.6k

Rating: 18+ for eventual smut, MDNI

Series Masterlist | Blog Masterlist Next Chapter

Summary: After a devastating betrayal and loss, you left everything behind on the East Coast and promised yourself a fresh start in Austin, Texas. Independence as your new mantra, you vow never to let anyone too close again. Then you meet Joel Miller- a man whose warmth and Southern charm makes it hard to stick to your resolve. As your feelings deepen, you’re forced to confront your past- and question if letting someone in again is worth the risk. 

A/N: No outbreak!AU. Coffee shop meet-cute with a slow-ish burn. Sickly sweet fluff with eventual smut. I wanted to write something that gave me the warm fuzzies, and I am kicking my feet and giggling while I write this. Joel Miller just deserves a good life, you know? Joel and reader have a teeny tiny age gap- Joel is 42, reader is mid 30s. Sarah is 19. No use of Y/N, minimal descriptions of reader. She has hair long enough to tie back and she wears skirts and dresses.

I didn’t really proof read this, we’re just going with the vibes. I made myself swear I would post something before Christmas. 

Enjoy!

The coffee shop on the corner of Sixth and West, Harrison’s, was nothing fancy. It was a solution to the problem of your productivity, or lack thereof, over the last few weeks. What had initially been a stop-gap that you’d put in place to get out of a rut had become routine, the place you chose to begin each morning, rain or shine. The only place you could ever consider yourself a ‘regular’. 

It wasn’t the trendiest, but it served good coffee, nice cakes, and had beautiful big windows that allowed you to watch the world pass by over the top of your laptop screen. It was a welcome addition to your new life in Austin, a life you’d rebuilt piece by piece. Moving here had been a leap of faith, a desperate bid to put as much distance between you and what had happened. You didn’t talk about it, hell, you hardly even allowed yourself to think about it, never letting the grief brush against the edges of your carefully crafted new world. 

Austin was meant to be a fresh start. A city big enough to disappear in, but warm enough to allow you to sit close to the fringes of society and feel human again. To gain sense of belonging by osmosis. You’d thrown yourself in to the change head first- new apartment, new routines, new job, new goals. Taking one day at a time, the weight of the past feeling less and less heavy with each new dawn. You’d been here for six months now, and were finally starting to feel settled. 

This morning, you had claimed your usual spot in Harrison’s- by the window - and set about trying to get your emails under control. The soft murmurs of early-morning conversation filled the room, blending with the steady hiss of the espresso machine and the occasional clinking of cups. It was the perfect atmosphere- relaxed, comfortable and conducive to helping you focus. You were typing away when a clatter of crockery made you glance up over the rim of your cup as you took a sip of coffee. It was then that you caught sight of him- a man seated a few tables away, bathed in the soft glow of late summer sunlight streaming in through the windows. You took a breath and placed your coffee cup back down, eyes flicking quickly between him and your screen in a way that was anything but subtle. 

His broad shoulders filled out the green flannel shirt he wore, the fabric stretched just enough to hint at the strength underneath. The sleeves rolled up to reveal firm forearms, leaning casually against the table while he was engrossed in the book resting between his large hands, his fingers his fingers absently toying with the edge of a page. The sunlight caught the specks of grey peppered through his dark, tousled hair and short beard in a way that felt almost deliberate, like nature itself had conspired to pick him out of the crowd and highlight him to you. 

As if he sensed eyes on him, he glanced up. The moment his dark eyes met yours, your stomach flipped and you froze. For a brief second, it felt like the world slowed down. Then, almost imperceptibly, he smiled at you. A small, lopsided curve of his lips, confident, maybe a little arrogant, that sent a heat creeping up your spine. Your lips quirked up before you could stop them.

The heat reached the back of your neck and you quickly looked back down at your laptop. You tried to ignore the thrumming excitement making your fingers tingle, and stared hard at the screen and pretended to be engrossed in your work.

You could feel the weight of his presence now that you’d noticed him even without looking. It wasn’t that he was doing anything- just sitting quietly, reading a book and drinking coffee, but you felt like the air in the room had just shifted, like you were trying to take a breath through a sudden gust of wind that had hit you square in the face. You looked around, but everything else in the coffee shop was how it had been before; no one else even spared you a glance. You took another sip of coffee and hoped that it looked casual.

Your fingers hovered above the keyboard, though the words you’d been writing just moments before had evaporated from your mind, and you urged your eyes to stay fixed on your screen, but the temptation was too great and you stole another quick glance over the rim of your coffee cup. Your pulse skittered when he leaned back slightly in his chair, moving through the sun beam that was on him, causing it to accentuate the contours of his face. 

His profile was striking- the strong line of his jaw was softened by the neat scruff that framed his face, an aquiline nose that led down to full lips set in a tiny pout as he read. The soft sunlight highlighted the creases at the corners of his eyes, and the lines of his furrowed brow that had settled there with age. They weren’t harsh; from what you could make out each one seemed earnest, a testament to a life lived fully. There was something deeply endearing about them.

Your gaze darted away again before he could catch you staring, heat pulsing over the back of your neck and up to your cheeks. Focus, you scolded yourself. You had work to do. Deadlines to meet.

You found yourself curious to know what he was reading, what kind of coffee he drank, what his voice sounded like. You considered the possibility of introducing yourself to him- approaching his table and flashing him a smile as you asked about his book. The thought filled you with equal parts giddiness and horror. 

You adjusted in your chair, the movement causing the legs to scrape along the floor, and glanced over at him again despite yourself. This time, he had been looking at you, his head tilted slightly like he was aware of your attention but wasn’t sure what to make of it. His lips twitched in to another small smile and your stomach did a somersault. 

The sound of the barista calling out an order snapped you back to reality. You blinked, glancing back down at the dregs in your coffee cup and sighed as you considered the half-finished email on your screen. By the time you looked up again, the handsome stranger had pulled on his jacket and was getting ready to leave. You watched with interest as he checked his watch for the time instead of his phone. When he stood, he adjusted the fit of his leather jacket, shrugging it across his broad shoulders before he returned his coffee cup to the counter. He patted his jacket pockets checking for his keys and wallet and made his way to the door, hesitating for a second, as if he’d forgotten something, before disappearing out on to the street. 

You exhaled slowly. You’d been holding your breath without meaning to while watching him. You chastised yourself silently. Stop it. Stop being ridiculous. 

You glanced toward the door, half-hoping that he might have truly forgotten something, but it remained firmly shut, the activity of the coffee shop continuing uninterrupted. You squared your shoulders and refocused on the work in front of you.

Your work as a newly freelance graphic designer had its perks: flexible hours, creative freedom, and the ability to work from anywhere. But it also meant self- discipline, something you’d struggled with lately. Once you hit send on the email, you opened your project dashboard; a local bakery had hired you to revamp their branding. You’d sketched a few ideas the day before, and it was time to digitise them. 

You spent the next few hours, and the next four cups of coffee, on the draft of the logo and by lunchtime, the shop had shifted from its relaxed morning hum to a more distracting bustle. You gathered your things and decided to take a walk before heading home. 

The leaves on the trees lining the sidewalks were still green, stubbornly clinging to summer despite the calendars insistence on autumn. You took your time strolling through the streets, reminded of the easy charm that had drawn you to Austin in the first place. You decided to do some quick errands and took a long detour back to your apartment, choosing to wander and browse the window displays of independent shops you passed along the way. You stopped in a sunbeam streaming through a gap in the buildings opposite you and were reminded of the handsome stranger in the coffee shop. 

The memory of the warmth in his eyes as he smiled at you sent a little shiver down your spine.  You allowed yourself to consider him for a moment, standing there with the sun on your face. You knew there was no harm in it. You’d promised yourself- sworn up and down, really- that you would focus on yourself. No distractions, no romantic entanglements, no chance of getting hurt again. After everything that happened, you couldn’t afford to let your heart lead you in to another minefield. Thinking about the handsome stranger was silly, you told yourself as you turned the corner toward home, the sun casting long shadows across the sidewalk. You made a point not to think about him as you hurried through the front door of your building, and as you stepped in to your apartment and set your bag down, you tried to dampen the tiny stab of disappointment that you might never see him again.

Next Chapter

[jqmalikhsgib]

quest

six

warning: mention of abuse, sexual assault, kidnapping, guns, knives, and mention of miscarriage, murder, sexual themed

darius was a troubled kid. you couldn’t really blame him. his father was an abusive alcoholic and his mother just took the punches like a ‘good house wife’ while darius watched it all unfold.

his troubled behavior started when he was in the first grade. he’d push other kids and make fun of them. darius father blamed his mother and she’d become a punching bag.

the older darius got, the worse he became. and watching his father only made him crave more destruction.

his first crime was as simple as stealing. he started off small. a pack of gum from a corner store would give him a small drive. but over time he needed more. so he started to steal more items. some chips, a soda, hell he even stole a box of tampons once.

he loved the rush! but it still wasn’t enough. he needed to go big! so he’d started to pickpocket. took him awhile to become smooth and unnoticed. it’s why he would steal from people in different neighborhoods as practice.

when he got better he went to the north side of the neighborhood. he’d steal from the rich preppy kids and get away with it each time. none of them noticing their wallets had been gone until they arrived home.

he couldn’t believe how much cash they’d have in their pockets. it was unbelievable how stupid they were by not having a card or carrying a smaller amount. but he was making money.

still, he felt something missing. he needed a bigger rush. he just didn’t know what exactly was missing. that all changed the night his father came into his room, drunk out of his mind, thinking he was his mother.

darius tried to push his father off of him. he tried to get through to him. but this only made him angrier.

“do we have to go over this again brenda?! you’re my wife! i can take it any time i wanna.” he slurred in his sons ear.

darius just gave in. letting his father do whatever he wanted as he cried from the pain. when his father was done he zipped up his pants and spit right on darius face.

“going out for nother beer.”

darius had no idea what his mother really went through with his father until then. but he promised she would never have to suffer like that ever again. that was his first awakening.

darius planned how he’d do it. he had to carefully make it look like a stupid drunken accident. he knew he could! his father had a record.

he knew he’d get away with it. took him months to finally come up with a carefully skilled plan. he made sure his mother wasn’t home and he sat right next to his dad. darius simply asked if he wanted a beer.

he’d get up, go to the kitchen, poison said beer, and handed it to him. darius would just wait. he’d watch as his father drinks his beer and watch the football game. he would ask for another, and another, and another. until eventually he’d finally get sick.

darius smirks as he watched his father die. he’d bend down as his father eyes watered and got blurry.

“you sick fuck! i hope you burn in hell.” darius would wait upstairs. when he heard his mom screamed he knew she had found his fathers lifeless body.

he’d rush downstairs and pretends to be shocked and broken. his mother called the police. after a few days of investigation they ruled it as alcohol poisoning.

that was his first kill.

darius and his mom moved on. they moved to texas, darius mom found a new lover, got married, and smiled way more than he’s ever seen her smile.

darius even graduated high school. he met the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen and had to marry her.

she got pregnant with their first kid, tim y/l/n. darius loved being a father. but deep down he was missing something. his wife started to notice his change in demeanor.

he was distant. it was like he was a different person. so when she fell pregnant with their second child she became depressed. he was never around, never present. this caused her to lose the baby.

his wife was devastated. darius promised he’d change. he would go to therapy and figure out what was wrong.

but he never went. instead he did something he hasn’t in a long time. he stole. and it gave him that rush back. the happiness he was missing. it would work for a while. the rush of not being caught.

darius wife noticed his changes. she wanted to try again. and a few months later her and darius had their second baby boy, john y/l/n.

for two years darius was happy. he was content with just stealing. but he needed more. he knew what was missing. that rush of killing. he had never felt so much power in his life until he killed his dad. he needed more.

so darius would find his next victims. women who worked the streets. no one would miss them! they were perfect for his plan. he’d start with a woman who went unnoticed first.

he would stalk them and see who would get less customers. the one that hid in the shadows the most. when he finally found the one he’d wait patiently.

the night he picked her up he drove into a wooded area. he would park his car, be friendly, even allowed her to give him head. when she was done he’d caress her face.

darius would kiss her lovingly before wrapping his hand gently around her neck. he’d look her in the eyes as he choked her.

fighting for her life she scratch his arm. but he would only squeeze harder until she was lifeless.

darius smirks. he felt that rush again. this was exactly what he was missing.

when he finally came back to his senses he would get out of the car, walk to the passenger side, grab her lifeless body, and walk into the wooded area. darius had already dug a six foot grave hours ago. he would drop her lifeless body into the grave and bury her before going home to his wife and two children and pretending like nothing happened.

and this would last for five years.

five years after the first prostitute he killed, darius would have killed about fifty woman after that.

he couldn’t believe he got away with it for so long. no one suspected a thing. at least he thought.

his wife noticed a few things. it started when they found out they were having a girl. the way darius face would turn white. and when they had their daughter he treated her differently than the boys.

almost as if she didn’t exist. she would bring it up but darius would shrug her off. the years soon went by and darius would still ignore his daughter.

whenever abigale would climb on his lap he’d lift her up, sit her on the other couch, and go back to his chair.

he wouldn’t feed her, change her diaper, bath her. nothing! darius would only take care of the boys. his wife couldn’t stand that!

she had enough and yelled at him. this was the start of their rocky marriage. time went on, darius kept killing, the kids were getting older, and their marriage was practically over.

when the kids were teenagers, tim 17, john 15, and abigale 14, they’d noticed things.

how their father would be gone all hours of the night, their mother would cry herself to sleep, their father smelling like perfume, their mother not even being emotionally present. at that point they took care of themselves and each other.

one night they’d come home to their parents yelling. it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but it was louder than usual. the could nearly hear them a block away.

when they got inside their mother was holding a pair of panties and shoving it in their fathers face.

“who the fuck is she, darius!”

“i told you it’s nobody’s!”

“how the hell did it get in your car then?!”

their father would walk away.

“i don’t know! do you know how many people get into my car a day?! it could have been anybody.”

“oh, fuck you! that is the most lamest excuse ever. tell me who she is!”

they’d continue to fight. moving to their bedroom and closing the door. the three siblings would sigh before turning on the tv and trying to shut out the noise. that is until they heard silence.

they got nervous. not knowing what to do tim told his siblings to stay put as he walks over to his parents room.

he knocks on the door and waits for one of them to answer.

when his dad finally opened the door he gasped. he had blood on his hands and was holding a knife.

“i—i didn’t mean to. she just—all i saw was red and i—shit!”

tim didn’t know what to do. he didn’t know how to feel. but seeing his mom lifeless body he knew he had to protect his siblings. tim knew what could happen if the police found out about this. his siblings would be put into foster care, he would be sent but eventually kicked out when he turned eighteen, trying to find a home, only to most likely live on the streets or turn to a place of crime. that would just ruin them all. he knew he had to hide this.

his siblings unfortunately didn’t listen. they ran to him after he was gone awhile and cried when they saw their mom.

“listen! you two wanna stay together right?”

abigale and john both nod their heads.

“then we have to help dad hide moms body, okay? we have to protect dad so we can all be together.”

and that’s what they did. the helped darius grab her body, dug a hole in the backyard, and buried their own mother.

that was darius last murder. but it was far from his last crime.

a year went by. tim decided to stay with his siblings despite him being eighteen. he didn’t trust his father. he was currently in school.

after what happened last year he decided to study law. he needed to know what could happen to them if the truth came out. and he would do anything in his power to protect himself and his siblings.

they didn’t talk much to their dad. he was rarely home after killing their mother. they didn’t care to know where he was. he would leave them money for food and leave until they needed more.

they were better off without him around. but their dad had other plans. he missed his wife so much.

he never meant to hurt her. he lost it and killed the one woman he could ever love. he needed to find someone similar.

that’s when he spotted her, sarah. oh was she beautiful. she looked so much like his late wife. he had to have her.

unfortunately she was with this man. he didn’t like that. he had to get rid of him somehow.

darius had made many connections over the years. living the life of a criminal he had to. he found dirty cops, scammers, thieves, drug dealers, everyone and every department you could think of.

darius even had a buddy who had connections with the military. he called him up and explained his situation. two months later the man was shipped off.

that’s when he’d make his move. he needed to be very careful though. he drew up a plan to make her his forever.

but as the months went by, her belly got big. oh, she’s more perfect for him than before. she was carrying a child. his child!

after failing his other three children he thought this was a sign. they belonged together.

but he knew he couldn’t lie to his children at home. he had to tell them the truth. they had to know everything. he promised to never hurt them like he did a year ago, ever again.

so when he got his friend from the military to finally capture sarah, take her to his home, and threw her in the basement, he told them everything.

“she’s gonna be your new mom.”

they all thought he was sick. but they kept their mouths shut. knowing if they went to the police everything could have come forward.

and as the months went by, you were finally born. and your siblings, they wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt you. even if you weren’t biologically tied to them.

“and that’s the story. our father told us everything that night. from his parents, him pickpocketing, his murders. everything!”

“why’d you stay so long? after yn was born? she wasn’t tied to you in anyway? why did you wait until she was thirteen to leave?”

“despite her not being blood she was our sister!”

“she was a little girl who got caught up into our fathers twisted ways.”

“the moment she was born we fell in love with her. she was our sister! but ultimately we had to move on with our lives. we were all happily in relationships.”

“i wanted to start my career in law and start a family with my then girlfriend, current wife.”

“i had lived near by. a few yards away and got pregnant. i knew being near my dad and the body of my mother could cause me to lose my baby.”

“and i wanted to start school myself. we were too close to our father. all of us had homes near by but we just couldn’t do it anymore. we couldn’t live so close to a monster.”

“and we knew he’d never hurt her. he was capable of hurting her mom. but never her. to him this was his fresh start to do right. and he loved yn like his own. in his sick twisted mind she was his.”

“did your father ever tell you where the other bodies were? the sex workers he killed?”

“no, but,”

“he use to take us to this woodsy area when we were kids. there was a tire swing he built and he had a shed.”

“we believe he bought land there. it’s where we think he buried the bodies.”

“do you remember where it was?”

tim, john, and abigale nod.

“can you take us?”

“yes.”

the search was set. they had the dogs sniff around and already found thirteen bodies.

they wanted to wait to go to the house until they’ve found enough evidence against darius. currently they only had bodies. they needed proof he was responsible for this.

they knew just who to get it from. chief peterson. he had no idea he was being interrogated. thinking they were waiting for another potential unsub he sat at the table.

derek and rossi sitting right across from him.

“where is this unsub? who is it?”

“just be patient. they’re coming.” rossi states.

“i don’t have time for patience! i have to prove my goddaughter did not do this crime!”

“oh? so you know miss y/l/n? we didn’t know that.”

“yeah. im a family friend.”

“pretty close to the case? don’t you think you should have sat this one out?!”

“not when it comes to my family. i don’t care about the rules!”

“how long have you known the y/l/n family?”

“forty years. why?”

“no reason? it’s just interesting how you didn’t bring this up before.”

“i don’t have to answer to you!”

“you see, charles. may i call you charles?”

officer peterson gives them a look.

“we’re here to help you solve a murder! that girl, miss y/l/n, she was the perfect unsub! at the crime scene, finger prints on the knife, on the will. everything about her was perfect. yet she was held in a cell for majority of the forty eight hours you held her, never once did you interrogate her, hell, i don’t think she knew about her godfather being a cop. you had your men speak to her for, how long did they say rossi?”

“ten minutes.”

“ten minutes before putting her back into the cell and keeping yourself hidden. because you know if she would have saw you she’d be confused.”

“we talked to miss y/l/n and asked her if she knew you. she told us you’re her godfather. you and mister darius play golf every thursday and had the impression you worked at an auto shop.”

“now how would she get that impression, derek?”

“because you told her! in fact you bought an auto shop when she was fifteen, renamed it petersons auto repair store, and took her there to see. because you had to keep up with the charade. she was turning sixteen soon. which meant she was gonna learn how to drive, get a car, and cruise down the highway. and guess what? just in case something was wrong with her car,”

“her godfather had an auto repair company she could go to get get it fixed with a family discount.”

“kinda genius, right?”

at this point peterson knew he was caught. he knew they knew more and lying would only get him in more trouble.

“i always knew this day would come.”

“why don’t you tell us everything you know chief peterson. maybe we’d cut you a deal.”

and he did. he gave them all the evidence he had on darius. all the times he broke the law and he covered it up for him.

he even went as far as helping them catch darius red handed. getting him to confess to everything.

they arrested darius along with everyone that worked for him. no charges were pressed against you any longer.

the only thing that mattered was getting your mom help. she was gonna need to go to some form of therapy. reid helped you find a program fitting for her.

you had no idea how long she would have to stay. but you were glad she could get help. being help hostage for over thirty years could really break someone.

when you reunited with your children you hugged them tightly. thanking jj for taking care of them. your siblings were shocked to learn you had been married, divorced, and had triplets. but they already adored their nieces and their nephew.

aaron stayed behind and watched. you look at him and frowned. you knew what was coming next. but you couldn’t talk now. you just wanted to get some rest with your babies.

your sister nudged you.

“stare much?!”

you looked at her. “huh?”

“i get it. he’s cute. but no need to drool.” she smirks.

“oh.”

your sister looks at you suspiciously. she looks down at your kids and looks back at you with her eyes widened.

“holy, shit! that’s him isn’t it?!”

“who’s who?” your brothers walk over to you.

“that hot fbi guy! that’s the ex husband and baby daddy!”

“seriously?!”

“a cop sis?!”

you blushed. “shut up! yes, it’s him. can we not act like children?”

“how could you possibly leave that?! fuck! if my husband looked like that id never leave the bedroom.”

“gross! abby! i don’t wanna think about you in the bedroom. i especially don’t wanna think about our little sister in the bedroom.”

“he’s coming over. go away! all of you.”

they walk away with their nieces and their nephew to give you two privacy.

“hi.”

“im gonna be staying here for awhile. i think tomorrow we should meet up. ill have jj stay as well to keep the kids—”

“we can watch them.” abigale buts in.

“are you sure abby?”

“yeah! you can drop them off at mine. im sure they’d love to meet their cousins.”

“alright. um—sure. where—where do you wanna meet?”

“ill have emily send you the information. but i think its best you unblock me as well. ill see you in the morning. goodnight yn.” aaron states before walking away.

you bite your bottom lip. you were happy this was over with your dad. but you were not ready for this conversation with aaron.

“come on darlings. let get to bed.”

finally! darius is arrested and you aren’t going to prison

but now you have to deal with aaron.

you have no idea which is worse :/

if you wanna be added or unadded to the taglist let me know

taglist:

@ivebeenthearchersstuff @shergoretzxx @slut4ethan @rosiehale23

[asheli1515]

The Ghosts We Carry || Rafe Cameron - Chapter 1

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<<previous next>>

a/n: soft!rafe x fem!character (OC)

word count: ~2k

warnings/disclaimers: fluff, angst, familial loss, grief, brief mention of substances (alcohol, drugs, etc.), season 4 plotline (I'm grieving), out-of-character rafe after a while, emotional intimacy, smut is there if you squint, blood, violence, dangerous situations, dual pov

summary: after a reckless night of partying, Rafe Cameron finds himself alone at the beach walking home. During his trek, he bumps into a quiet, mysterious newcomer who seems to see beyond his tough exterior. Despite Rafe's reputation and his defensive attitude, the newcomer refuses to judge him. They strike up an unexpected connection, and soon, their late-night conversations become the highlight of Rafe's days. As their bond deepens, Rafe finds himself torn between his need to prove himself and his new feelings for someone who doesn't want anything from him but the truth. Will Rafe let down his walls and risk everything for love, or will his inner turmoil and need to make something of himself tear them apart?

series masterlist

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✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

VIVIENNE

I found myself on a beach in the town that I would now have to call home, unfamiliar with my surroundings. The night brought a chill I had never felt in my evenings spent in Texas. I felt a nostalgia for something I never thought I would have to, for my old life, my old self. The events that led to this would fundamentally change anyone; I was not the exception. I felt like a shell of the person I once was, haunted by memories that I could never get back. I just couldn’t bear to stay there anymore as all the places I frequented brought up memories that hurt to relive.

It had been 3 months since my brother’s sudden death shook the foundation of my life. He had been my caretaker for most of my life as my father was out of the picture, and my mother had to work several jobs in order to pay rent. He was my solace in this unrelenting world, and suddenly… he was gone. He was driving to my apartment one evening for our weekly dinner. That was until a drunk driver ran a red light and swerved into his car, hitting it head-on. He was pronounced dead on the scene, and I received the call from the police soon after. It felt like it was my fault because he was driving to my apartment. Maybe if we had rescheduled just that one time, he would still be alive.

My whole world was shattered; my older brother, by 2 years, was dead, and I felt as though maybe I had died with him. I have just been going through the motions for the past months as I tried to figure out how I was supposed to live without him. He was only twenty-four and had so much left to offer this world. I don’t think I will ever find it in myself to forgive the driver who killed him, and that alone haunts me. I am not a vengeful person and always believed myself to be forgiving. However, this man was the reason I would never see my brother again, and this caused me to have an anger I had never felt before.

Moving to Kildare was supposed to be a fresh start, but I still found the painful memories following my every step. Tonight was a particularly difficult night, and I needed fresh air. That is the reason I am currently leaning up against a decaying tree trunk admiring the ocean I rarely got to see in Texas. The complete and utter silence of the night was something I needed so desperately, but I also craved human interaction. I’ve barely talked to anyone since moving, as Kildare is very tight-knit and wary of anyone new. This fact is understandable, but I still longed for new relationships. The bleak outlook on this situation made me question my decisions. I couldn’t be alone anymore, but I had no idea how that would change.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of approaching footsteps, which was odd, considering it was around two in the morning. I turned to look and saw a man who looked around my age strolling down the beach. He seemed in no hurry to get anywhere in particular, as his pace was nothing of note. His gaze finally reached me, and his blank face was replaced with a questioning look. It was almost as if the universe heard my pleas for someone, anyone, to talk to because there he was—a stranger that I could hopefully rope into a conversation.

“Hey, you!” I almost shouted at him in an attempt to get his attention. It seemed like he didn’t hear me, though, because I received no response. “Hello? Did you not hear me?” I asked with a genuine curiosity. He stared at me momentarily, almost as if he was calculating his next move.

He then asked a question that nearly made me giggle because of its ridiculousness. I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right because he had just questioned who I was talking to, as if the beach was full of people. “Yes, I’m talking to you. Do you see anyone else near us?” I laughed as I asked him this. “No, I guess I don’t,” he answered straight and to the point. His face again showed a look of calculation as if he was unsure of what to do next.

I found this fact quite endearing and looked for a way to keep the conversation going for as long as possible. I pat the sand next to me to indicate that I wanted him to join me, if only for a moment. When he saw this, he hesitated before finally deciding to take the seat next to me.

As soon as he sat down, I smelled a mix of what I could only assume was alcohol and expensive cologne. This fact did not shock me as I was on the rich side of the island, which they called Figure Eight. I took a moment to look at him as I could not see him before when he was further away. His buzzed haircut complimented him well, and his blue eyes looked like the ocean only mere feet ahead of us. He was wearing a nice polo and some khaki pants that solidified the fact that he had money.

I noticed he was slightly buzzed and seemed focused on the horizon before us. I resolved to let him speak first, so I mirrored his actions and looked out towards the expansive waters. A long time passed before he spoke, but he eventually did.

“Who are you?” he asked, intrigued by what my answer would be. The question didn’t come as a surprise to me as no one in this town knew who I was. “My name is Vivienne Whitlock, and you are?” I questioned back as I was just as eager to learn about the person sitting next to me. He took in my answer and replied, “Rafe Cameron.” He did not elaborate further but had another question ready to ask me before I could say anything.

“Why have I never seen you before?” he inquired. I knew every time I introduced myself to someone, I would have to answer these questions, but that didn’t make it any easier. It was hard to explain why I moved to Kildare without explaining my brother’s passing. It was like reopening the wound; I wasn’t sure if I could do that right now. However, something about this Rafe Cameron character intrigued me, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I still smelled the alcohol on him, and it was clear he had just left a party to head home.

Maybe that is why he decided to walk, as he was clearly still feeling the effects of the drinks he had consumed not long before. I admired him for this fact, and, at that moment, I decided to trust him. I knew I had no information about him besides his name, but at least until this conversation ended, I knew there would be no reason for me to be worried about the person next to me.

“I just moved here from Texas. I needed a fresh start.” I say, hoping that my explanation was enough. He nodded as if understanding the need for a new beginning, something I’m not sure he had the privilege of having. “I see. Any reason why you chose here of all places?” he followed up. I honestly wasn’t sure how to answer this question, but I responded, “There is no particular reason why I chose to move here. I just needed to get away from some bad memories.” My face betrayed me at that moment as tears pricked at my eyes.

I looked away from Rafe, not wanting to cry in front of him as I had just met him. I had no idea what he thought about my reaction as he was silent, and I didn’t dare to look back at him. Suddenly, I felt a hand lay gently on my back, and I jumped slightly at the contact.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just didn’t know what else to do,” he said defensively. I sighed as I replied, “You don’t have to apologize. I just wasn’t expecting that because, if I’m being honest, I haven’t talked to anyone in a while.” I don’t know why I told him this as I swore to myself that who I was back in Texas wouldn’t follow me here.

That was the whole reason for the move, anyway. Yet here I was, explaining my entire life story to someone closer to a stranger than not. I looked back at him, and his expression was hard to gauge. I could have never anticipated what he said next.

“Why is that?” His response was said with an amount of curiosity that shocked me. I thought that after he saw me almost cry, he would immediately get up and leave. He didn’t do that, though, as he remained in place, making it seem like he needed this conversation to continue as much as I did. This reaction confused me as it didn’t seem to fit who he was. He had a rough exterior that seemed like it took people a while to get through. He seemed to almost care about why I was here on the beach this late at night.

“I don’t have anyone anymore. That’s why I am sitting alone on a beach at two in the morning.” I say with a light but sad tone. He seems to absorb and process my words within a few seconds. His response took longer, though, as it was apparent he was trying to find the proper response. “Why is that?” He asked quietly and carefully, as if saying it like that would potentially lessen my anger if that was the response I chose. I stared at the rolling waves as if they would give me support as I answered him. I decided to be honest with him as I would probably never see him again after tonight.

“My brother, Griffin, died a couple of months ago because a drunk driver hit him while he was on his way to my apartment for our weekly dinner,” I responded as a few tears trickled down my face. I wiped my tears and finally gathered the courage to look back at Rafe. His gaze held a sympathy that knocked the breath out of me. It was more emotion than I ever expected from him, and it made me realize that I had been longing for someone to talk to about this for a long time.

“I’m so sorry, Vivienne. That must have been awful.” His voice was sympathetic, just like I expected it to be. I nodded in agreement, and, in that moment, all of the emotions I had been holding in since Griffin’s death came flooding out of me. It was like a dam had opened in my soul because I felt all the pain I had locked away three months ago. Tears streamed down my face as I sobbed quietly, the only other noise being the waves hitting the shore.

“Hey, i-it’s okay. What do I do? What should I do?” Rafe questioned, obviously shocked by the scene that was unfolding before him. Instead of saying anything, I just laid my head on his shoulder because that was all I could do. He stiffened at the contact, his arms suspended above me as he was unsure of the correct response. I eventually felt his arms wrap around me as he relaxed into the hug. I felt some tension leave his body just as it had mine. We stayed like that for a while as it was apparent that the physical contact was needed more than either of us was willing to admit.

Rafe continued to act the opposite of what his demeanor suggested, and I realized he might be just as damaged by his circumstances as I was. That thought comforted me as I noticed the sun peaking above the horizon, indicating the arrival of morning.

______________________________________________________________

a/n: hey yall! This chapter introduces our main character, yay! Can't wait to continue this story. Please comment and lmk what yall think!! - Ash <3

[chadfallout76podcast]

Major Update: Life...is a changing for me/us (and a sneak peek of Vault-Tec Rises!

Good afternoon!

I wanted to give you all an update on Vault-Tec Rises as well as an update on myself and some major life changes happening this year that may impact our season while the dust settles. Firstly, I'm more than halfway done with our next major feature length episode, "Vault-Tec Rises"...which is technically episode 16, set BEFORE Little Sanctuary of Horrors. It essentially is the story of how everyone came to be there in the first place, what Vault-Tec and the Enclave are really up to, and is the start of our last 4 episodes of the season as the Battle for Appalachia begins.

Secondly, I've shared quite a bit about the journey of these past 10 years with my husband Travis and his struggle with mental health. Many of you were kind of enough to support or share our GoFundMe to help take the pressure off the crushing debt we were under with mounting medical bills and his bills, none of which was covered by insurance fully. Trying to keep us afloat financially has been a long-term struggle of mine and here's in New Hampshire we just haven't been able to get ahead. After having to cancel some of his services last week as we couldn't afford them, we made some major decisions.

The next few months I'll be doing a lot of painting, landscaping, plastering and prepping to list our home on the market. Financially we can't afford to buy again for a while, so we're stuck renting. Based on what things are selling for in the area, I'm not too worried about getting out of it fairly quickly. We'll be moving to Texas, in between Dallas and Fort Worth in a really beautiful, new planned community where leasing and the overall lower cost of living will save us $20k a year which will allow us to not only fix our debt issue permanently, but also they have one of the leading centers in the country for C-PTSD. Once settled, I'd be able to get him more direct help he's needed that we just don't have access to out here.

Texas is going to be a big, big change for us...a huge move, but one I'm eager to make. Our backup editor is continuing to plug away at stories as well as I've had my hands full with work trying to keep the lights on (literally). I wanted to explain all of this with clear honesty so you know what I've been doing, what I'll be doing this year and why it often takes us so long to ship episodes to you. Your patient and support of me really, really means the world to me. The other benefit of this move is that once I'm not strangled hustling for work 7 days a week, I'll have more free time to actually create. Something I really want to do...as there are still two more seasons of Chad and some other projects I really want to share with you all.

I hope to have our 3-hour feature length Vault-Tec Rises completed in the next few weeks, so stay tuned. :) And if you can please excuse how hectic this year will be between selling and moving halfway across the country I'd appreciate it.

Much love to you all,

Ken

[burntheedges-updates]

Preview: Over Again

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges

summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming.

or, 5 times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse

a/n: this is an excerpt from a longer fic that is almost finished! check back soon (or follow) for the full fic. I haven't written anything in like 15 years, and Joel Miller dragged me back in. sharing this as part of the Pedro Pascal cinematic universe discord server event! join us!

warnings: 18+, minors DNI in this excerpt - banter, a little bit of pining, but mostly fluff. reader is 26, Joel is 33 (at this time - picture him just like he looks in that gif ^^). for the full fic - a teensy bit of angst (plus the angst of thinking the other person is dead for 20 years (apocalypse)), cursing, wall sex, will add the full list once I have it... I’m trying to have a reader with as little description as possible (in this excerpt they’re a person with hair) but please let me know if you see anything I should change.

wordcount: 2300 (for this preview)

Main post & chapter list | chapter 1 | ao3

Austin, TX, Spring 2001

On Sunday, you changed your outfit 5 times before telling yourself to get a grip and putting back on the first thing you had pulled out of your closet, 45 minutes before. Joel had seen literally all of these clothes before, he’d lived next door to you for 6 months. Get it together. You looked at yourself in the mirror, messed with your hair one last time, and then forced yourself to leave the bathroom and head downstairs. 

In the kitchen, you glanced at the clock – 5:54pm – and picked up the cookies you baked that morning, heading next door to the Millers’. 

You knocked on the door, and after a few moments with no response you knocked again. Odd. You put your ear to the door and heard music, and Sarah laughing. You tried the door and realized it was unlocked. 

As you crossed the threshold you called out, “Millers? Anyone home?” Inside you could more clearly hear the music coming from the backyard, so you left the cookies in the kitchen and headed towards the back door.

You found the backdoor open, and you could hear Sarah laugh again as you moved closer. “Dad come on, you stepped on my toes!”

“Sarah Miller, I raised you not to tell lies.” Joel sounded out of breath, but he was laughing as he said it.

“Well, that’s definitely a lie if I ever heard one.” Tommy jumped out of the way as Joel steered Sarah right into him in retaliation. You leaned in the doorway, smiling as you watched Joel lead Sarah around the yard to Rie y Llora. They hadn’t noticed you yet. 

“Celia Cruz, huh?”

All three Millers turned at your question, all three smiling at you. It was a little overwhelming, as always, to have the attention of all three at once. Sarah elbowed her dad lightly and laughed, saying, “She’s Abuela's favorite.” Joel rolled his eyes. “It’s good music to learn to,” he muttered, clearly not for the first time. 

“It looks to me like Sarah already knows what she’s doing.” You smiled at the look he shot your way.

“Ha! See, dad?”

“Sure, baby girl. Why don’t you go take Uncle Tommy for a spin, since you know what you’re doing.” With that, Joel spun Sarah towards Tommy, who caught her easily and started leading her around the yard. You laughed, and then looked back towards Joel. He was watching you with that half smile that always gave you goosebumps. 

“Do you know how to dance, darlin’?”

“In a club? Sure. Like that? No way.” 

He grinned at your answer. “Want to learn?” He held his hand out, guiding you towards him once you placed your hand in his. 

“I’ve never danced like this before. I’ll probably stomp all over your feet.” Joel placed your right hand on his shoulder, and took your left hand in his right.

“You let me worry about where our feet go. I’ll show you the basics and then you just follow me.” And over the next 15 minutes, that’s exactly what he did. 

Soon you found yourself slowly moving around the yard to Lambada, definitely slower than the music called for. At some point Tommy and Sarah went inside to work on finishing dinner, but you barely noticed. You were focusing on keeping up with Joel. 

Just as you started to feel a little bit confident, a slow song that you didn’t know started to play. Joel slowed the two of you as well, starting to sway in place instead of moving around so much. He pulled you a little closer with his left hand around your waist.

Catching your breath, and taking your focus off of your feet, you asked, “what brought this on? I don’t think I’ve ever come over to find y’all mid-dance-lesson before.”

“Sarah’s got that school dance coming up and she’s a bit nervous.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I tried to tell her I only know how to do this and a few of those line dances they do in the clubs Tommy goes to. Not whatever dancing they’ll be doing — probably closer to your club dancing.” He winked at you, and you held on a little tighter to his shoulder. “But then she reminded me that her cousin’s party is coming up, anyway, and they will definitely be dancing just like this. So, we were practicing.”

“Cousin?” You asked, confused. Tommy didn’t have kids, and you were pretty sure there were no other Miller siblings.

“Ah, technically it’s my cousin’s kid, on my mom’s side. Easier to just say cousin.” He shrugged. You nodded. 

“Well, you did a good job teaching me. Bet that’ll be a fun party.”

You realized at that point that you had slowly swayed in the direction of the trees along the back of the yard. You were under the shade of one of the trees, partially out of view from the house. You'd moved closer together as the dance slowed and you found yourself with your right hand on his neck, fingertips almost touching his hairline. Your eyes darted from his arms, holding you securely, to his shoulders, flexing under his shirt, up to his face. 

You looked up to find Joel was looking right back at you. “See something you like, darlin’?” He smirked. You felt a rush of warmth towards your face, but you weren’t really embarrassed. You felt like your whole body was tingling, like you were heading towards something you’d been hoping for for months. Like you were racing forward and up ahead there was a cliff you might fall off of, but you’d fall together. Like the fall was the point, the destination. Your breath caught in your throat. “Maybe I do, neighbor.” He grinned in response, tugging you just a bit closer. Any closer and you’d feel him pressed against you everywhere. 

“I know I do.”

“What?” You’d lost track of the conversation. His proximity was going to your head. 

“See something I like.” As he responded, he let go of your hand and brought his right hand up to cup your face. You saw him glance from your eyes to your mouth and in response, you pressed closer, winding your right hand into his hair. Joel leaned in, and you barely felt the touch of his lips to yours, when the back door opened and Tommy shouted, “dinner’s ready, love birds! Get in here!”

Joel groaned as he stepped away from you, resting his hands on your shoulders. “I guess we should head inside.” As he said it, he lifted one hand to trace his fingertips along your cheekbone before running his hand lightly over your hair. “Stick around after dinner? I’d like another dance.” You smile as he reaches down to take your hand and lead you toward the house, walking backwards and keeping his eyes trained on yours. 

“Smooth moves, Miller. Save some for later.”

He’s still smiling, but suddenly you feel the intent in his gaze, more focused than even a moment ago. “Oh darlin’, don’t worry. For you, I got plenty more.”

—-

Dinner with the Millers was always fun, and this occasion was no different. Tommy and Sarah teased Joel mercilessly, and he got them right back, though he was always a little softer with Sarah. 

You talked and joked over dinner, noting Joel had made one of your favorites - pepper chicken - and he winked at you when you thanked him for it. After dinner Sarah rushed upstairs to talk to a friend on the phone as Tommy headed out the door (“to do some real dancing, y'all should come out sometime”). You were left with Joel in the kitchen, clearing the table together and starting in on the dishes. 

“You don’t have to help with that, I can get it.” You bumped your hip against his as he slid in next to you at the sink.

“It’s no bother, Joel. Let me help.” He smiled at you, softly, and nodded, picking up the towel to dry the dishes. 

You worked quietly together, sometimes recalling a joke from dinner, but you were mostly just enjoying the quiet moment. As soon as you handed him the last dish he set it aside, still wet, to take your hand and lead you back outside. He switched the music back on, low, as you passed the boombox.

As he stepped into the yard, Joel turned and pulled you back into his arms, into the slow dance stance you had only just left before dinner. But this time he pulled you close from the start, tucking you up against him and smoothing his hand across your lower back. “Well hello there, darlin’. Fancy meeting you here.”

You smiled, and rolled your eyes a little. “Hey, cowboy.” You let your fingertips play with his hair along his neck. You noticed a light shiver in his shoulders as you did. “Joel, are you ticklish?” 

“No, and you better not let on to Sarah that you wondered anything of the sort.” He glared at you playfully as he said it, spinning you a little into a new spot in the yard. You laugh, winded, even though you'd barely moved. 

“Hmm, seems like information that would be worth quite a bit to some people around here.” You brushed your fingers lightly across his hairline again, and he squirmed again in response. 

He hid a smile, pulling you in so he could whisper directly into your left ear. “But darlin’, if you keep my secret, I’ll make it worth your while.” It was your turn to shiver. “Oh? How so?” You’d never heard your own voice so breathless. 

He chuckled, and raised his left hand from your hip to your jaw, tilting your head to the right as he tucked his face into the left side of your neck. He ran his lips lightly from your shoulder to your jaw, sending prickles down your spine as you inhaled sharply. He kissed you, lightly, right at the hinge of your jaw, and then on your cheek, and then his mouth met yours, softly, barely there and then with gentle pressure. He pulled away after only a moment, and you met his eyes in a daze. His gaze was dark, and you felt like you were moving through molasses. Everything was slow, and soft, and heady. You felt like you were floating and Joel’s hands on you – your cheek, your left hand – were the only things keeping you tethered.

Joel murmured your name. “Let me take you out.”

“When?” Your reply fell from your lips so quickly it made him smile, and you smiled back, unashamed. 

“Friday? Sarah’s got a sleepover.” He smoothed his thumb over your cheekbone. “We can go dancing, show off these moves.” You laughed. 

“Joel, I’ve barely got 1, maybe 2 moves. You sure we don’t need another dance lesson before we take this show on the road?”

He huffed a laugh, and spun you a little. “Just follow along with me, darlin’, I won’t let you stumble.”

You bit your lip, and nodded. “Friday.”

“Friday,” he agreed, pulling you in again. As his lips met yours again, you wondered how you were going to wait 5 days for this. Joel pulled himself away with a small groan, resting his forehead against yours. “We should stop before we get too carried away, with Sarah home.” You nodded. 

You danced a bit more, finishing out the last couple of tracks on the CD. Joel kept his forehead against yours at first, and then tucked your head into his chest, resting his cheek on top of your head, slowly swaying as the last song trailed off into quiet.

You didn’t want to let go quite yet, and it seemed Joel didn’t either, as neither of you moved. You could feel your happiness at finally taking the leap together glowing in your chest – from dancing around each other to an actual dance, the months of flirting had finally gotten you somewhere. But you couldn’t help but wonder.

“Joel? Why now?” You asked it softly, face still tucked into his chest. He hummed lowly in response before pulling back to meet your eyes. He regarded you silently for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. 

“I think we both felt it, from that first day. You were — you are — the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I knew I wanted you, but I wanted something real. I haven’t dated anyone in a long, long time. I wanted to take it slow, and get to know you first. But darlin’, I realized the other day, when you were here with Sarah, that maybe there’s a line between taking it slow and just being afraid, and I was flirting with it. And I’d rather be flirting with you.” He grinned as you rolled your eyes a little bit at his joke. “I’ve been afraid, for a long time, of letting someone in when it’s not just me I have to worry about. But Sarah loves you.”

“And I love her, Joel. That girl is special.” He smiled, and nodded. “I know you do. And she’s been teasing me about asking you out for months.”

“Oh yeah? Well you should know better than to ignore her advice, Joel.” 

He sighed, long-suffering, and nodded. “I know it.”

Joel started to head towards the house, right hand reaching for your left. You felt a little shaky, like you really had been floating for the last half hour. As you approached the front door, he squeezed your hand and pulled you into another hug. “I’ll see you Friday, darlin’.”

“You sure will, cowboy.” He smiled and pulled you in for another kiss. 

“Now get, before we get any bad ideas.” You laughed, and headed out the door he opened for you. “Night, darlin’.”

“See you Friday, Joel.”

—

a/n: follow for the whole fic! coming soon :)

[jmagnabo92]

Loyalty of Friendship

Does it still count as WIP Wednesday if I'm posting it? Who knows!

***

When Henry leaves him at broken-hearted at the Lake House, Alex struggles with returning to life before Henry, but he's lucky to have a good support system with very loyal friends.

***

It sucks that Henry ran away just when Alex was ready to jump and hope it wasn’t a cliff, but maybe Alex was the only one in love here. 

It made sense, honestly.

Alex had made it clear what this was, and he never said that he thought of Henry as his boyfriend.  He crossed that line without checking that Henry was in on it with him. 

It still sucked, but it was fair. 

He let himself get in too deep and that’s what he gets.  Everyone always leaves eventually.

June was right, he should’ve told him that he was feeling things … feeling different about everything… now, it’s too late. 

It’d been awkward with his family when they realized Henry had left in the middle of the night without a goodbye.

It’d been worse when Alex returned to the White House and after a week, his mom had Zahra put him back on First Son duties supporting her campaign.  It was like … actually admitting it was over. 

Henry wasn’t coming back.  He wasn’t changing his mind. 

He’d just left.  It opened a wound that cut as deep as his dad’s leaving while he was at camp.  Next to the one that Liam had left when he stopped answering Alex’s messages – at least, Alex understood now – Liam had stopped because he was protecting himself, his own heart. 

And now, Alex has to protect his heart.

So, he went back to work.  Throwing himself into the campaign once again and ignoring the fact that it didn’t make him as happy as it once did – not when returning to the campaign meant losing his boyfriend.  

***

Things slowly got back to normal.  He focused on getting his mom re-elected despite June’s objections.  He put Henry out of his mind, except when he couldn’t.

It was a month or so after the ‘breakup’ when Alex is back in his room at the White House – a two-day break at ‘home’ for the first time since he started working as First Son and the campaign again. 

June’s sitting on his bed, trying to distract him with articles like they used to do when her phone dings.

She glances at it and rolls her eyes but doesn’t bother to answer back.

“Ooooh, who earned that look?” Alex teases. 

“Look, what look?”

“Come on, June.  You looked at that phone like whoever texted you personally offended you.  Like how dare they have the audacity to text you,” Alex states.  “So, who is it?  What did they say?  Do I have to go punch someone?”

“No, no.  It’s no one.”

June shakes her head and moves to hide her phone. 

Alex frowns.  “June, why are you lying to me?”

“Technically, I’m not lying – you don’t have to go punch anyone,” June assures him.

“I also asked you who it was and what they said.”

“It doesn’t matter, and it’s not important.”

“June.” 

June shakes her head and takes a deep breath.  “Fine, it was Pez, and he wants to hang out while he’s in the states.”

Oh. 

For some reason, he knows that he shouldn’t be surprised.  Of course, Pez, who’s been crushing on June since before he met her would want to hang out with her now that he has, in fact, met her.  Only twice, but who’s counting? 

There’s a part of him that doesn’t want her to still be friends with him because that’s a line to Henry and he doesn’t want that connection there, but that wouldn’t be fair.  He wouldn’t want her to stop herself from being friends with someone on his account.

He could… deal with the awkwardness.  He’ll get Henry eventually and just because June’s hanging out with Pez doesn’t mean he and Henry will cross paths or hear about each other, right?

“Oh, well, you should hang out with him if that’s what you want.”

He tries to hide his mixed feelings about it by returning to the speech that he’d been neglecting for the event in Texas.

“Are you kidding me?”  June scoffs.  “Of course, I’m not going to hang out with him.”

He looks up at her, surprised.  He wants to say something about his conflicted emotions, but instead just asks, “Why not?”

“Well, for one, we’re not actually friends,” June states.  “He’s had a crush on me since before we met, and we’ve only met slash hung out twice.  And both of those times were because of you… so for the second reason, it’s the code.  Friendship of loyalty.  My loyalty will always be with you.  Even if it’s been a decade and we’d been hanging out all that time before the breakup, I would still choose you over Henry’s friend.  It’s like with Nora.  We would’ve had to be friendly because of the whole nonsense trio thing but we didn’t have to be best friends – if you two hadn’t worked out being friends, I never would’ve become best friends with her.  I’m always going to be on your side, Alex… plain and simple.”

There’s a warmth that spreads through him.  He doesn’t want to admit it, but there’s a part of him that needed to know that someone was in his corner.  No matter what.

Even if that meant pushing off the chance to build a friendship. 

“June, I – I want to be able to tell you that you don’t have to do that, but… thank you.”

June reaches over and squeezes his hand.  “You’re my itty-bitty baby brother and I’m always going to be on your side.”

“I appreciate that and I’m always on your side, too.”

“That was never a question.”

***

It’s over.

His mom won.

It’s great… so why is he sitting here outside on the steps, staring up at the night sky wondering why he’s not happier.  He should be happy.  Thrilled even.  His mom won.  It’s what he’d been focused on for more than a year. 

A year-long goal and they won.

They even won Texas! 

Alex’s hard work with regards to Texas meant something, but he just…

“You okay, mijo?”

He jumps, but he’s not surprised when he’s joined on the steps by his father. 

“Yeah, just wanted some air.”

“Thought you’d be celebrating with your ma and sister, another term, it’s great, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s everything we wanted… it’s great.”

“That doesn’t sound very happy.”

Alex shrugs, not looking at his dad.  “You know, I’m not naïve enough to think that being in politics doesn’t come with a cost, especially… considering… but there was a part of me that thought it wouldn’t cost me anything until it was me running.”

Oscar laughs causing Alex to look at him. 

“You’re laughing?”

“Alex, you’ve already been paying the price for your ma’s politics for years – ever since she decided to make you and June celebrities.  You paid the price for your ma and I being in politics when we were gone in D.C., when we got divorced, etc… you were made into someone you weren’t – long before she was even elected… you literally decided to lie to the world about your friendship with Henry and then your relationship with him because of politics.  You were hidden away for months, and you’re just the son of a politician.”

He's right. 

“I just – I always wanted to be a politician, but I don’t …”

“You don’t have to be a politician, Alex.  You’re so intelligent that you can do anything you set your mind to,” his dad says.  “And you don’t have to decide that now, you can make your own choice in your own time.  Right now…”

“Right now… I should be celebrating.”

He nods.  “Yeah.”

“Then, let’s do it.”

***

Despite the fact that he should absolutely be happy – his mom won, again – now that the busy-ness of the campaign is over, he can’t help thinking about Henry.  Especially today. 

The day before Thanksgiving.  A year since he first called him in terror over the turkeys that are once again in his room – sometimes he wonders about why he cares about the spending so much that he’s reliving his worst nightmare, but he doesn’t like wasteful spending.

If only he could call Henry, again.  He made him feel better.  Even if there was that teasing flirting, God how had he not realized?

He reaches for his phone.  Just because Henry doesn’t love him, doesn’t mean they can’t be friends, right?

“What are you doing?”

Alex jumps.  June’s standing in his doorway.

“Uh, being terrorized by mom’s stupid turkeys.”

“No… with your phone.  Were you going to call Henry?”

How the hell did she know? 

“Uh, no.”

“Alex,” she says, sternly as she walks towards the bed and joins him.

He rolls his eyes.  There’s no point in lying.

“I just thought – well, it’s been a while… and Nora and I are friends, and Liam and I made up –”

Liam had shown up on election night with his boyfriend.  They’d talked it out, and Liam had admitted that he missed Alex’s friendship, and that he’d only stopped answering because he needed to get over the hurt before he could be his friend again. 

“– and you think that you and Henry could be friends?”

Alex shrugs.  “Well, I mean, clearly, I’m capable of it.  I’m sure he is, too.  It’s even possible that he’d be easier at it since he always thought of us as just friends…”

June frowns.  “Is that what you think?  That he thought of you two as just friends?”

“Well, with benefits.”

“Alex, no.  That’s not true –”

“Of course it is!  I went to tell him I loved him, and he ran away.  Obviously, he didn’t feel the same way.  We were just – having fun.  I should’ve realized.”

“I’ve never met someone be so dense before.”  June rolls her eyes.  “Alex… I don’t know if this will be easier for you to hear or make the end of things harder, but Henry was in love with you, too.  It was written all over his face the first time that I saw you two together.  You know – when he rearranged his business to be here for your birthday.  Remember, I went with you to the Met.  The way he looked at you, then… in LA, God it was like you hung the moon.”

Alex shakes his head.  “You’re wrong.  If he loved me, why would he run away?”

“Because he can’t come out.”

“Of course he can!  He just doesn’t want to…” he trails off. 

He ran away the first time that he kissed Alex and went on a date with a woman because the queen had set him down on his eighteenth birthday and told him that he couldn’t let his deviant desires reflect poorly on the crown…

Oh.

Henry had told him plainly that he couldn’t – couldn’t come out… and Alex was talking about the next summer and making out and not caring about the neighbors seeing…

Alex doesn’t resist putting his face in his hands. 

“Alex?  What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head.  “Bug, I’m such an idiot.  I was over here worrying about mom’s election because Zahra put it into my head that it would cost her the election if Henry and I were caught… but he told me that the stupid Queen sat him down on his eighteenth birthday and told him to hide his deviant desires and essentially throwing him in the closet forever.”

“It’s not your fault that he wasn’t clear with you –”

“He was, though!  He told me and I just – I guess I ignored it.”  He shakes his head.  “It was fine at first because it was my idea – friends with blowjobs – I did that.  I told him that it was all it could be because of … the election… I never thought that I would … until I was suddenly hit with – my feelings.  I built the wall, and I broke it down, and – and I didn’t even think about whether or not he went along with it was because he needed it too!  I just – it’s my fault…”

“No, it’s not.  Stop that nonsense,” June nearly commands.  “Henry has a voice here that he didn’t use.  He loved you, too, and he could’ve told you that you were more than friends with blowjobs –” she rolls her eyes.  “– I’m pretty sure it was never just that, but he could’ve talked to you about why you could never be out and still be with you and chose not to.  He chose to run rather than talk and just because you changed the rules on him by nearly confessing that doesn’t excuse what he did.”

“But he did tell me.”

“I meant when you clearly got closer – texting, calling, emailing – you gave up the campaign for him that is not something that you do for friends with blowjobs and hell, he met dad that weekend, he had have realized what that meant to you.  He had to have felt things becoming more serious… especially when you didn’t take his option to stop so you could go back to the campaign… and all he had to do was say I love you, too, but this has to stay a secret because of the Queen.  All he had to do was tell you or remind you the situation – he didn’t.  That’s not on you.”

Alex shakes his head.  “It doesn’t matter.  That’s not the point.  Understanding doesn’t make a difference here.”

“Then what is the point?  Why were you going to call him?”

“I thought – I am friends with Nora and Liam and it’s stupid, but I miss him.  We didn’t just – we were friends, you know?  Argued over stupid things like how he’s wrong about his favorite Star Wars film and everything else – he understood me, you know?”

“He’s your match,” June says, softly. 

The words hurt because it means he ruined it for them. 

“Right, so – I mean, I’ve done it before… we could go back to being friends,” Alex states.  “So, I thought I’d start with a picture of the turkeys or call him up and tell him that Cornbread has a demon cousin currently living in my bedroom.”

He doesn’t like the look June’s giving him.  Like she’s trying to figure out how to let him down easy. 

“Alex… I don’t think being friends with Henry is a good idea.”

“Why not?  I’m friends with Nora, Liam…”

“You weren’t in love with Nora or Liam.  Hell, you didn’t even know that you were doing anything more than friends do with Liam until recently.”

Alex shrugs.  “It’s not a big difference.  I just have to be a bit careful, but since we live in different countries, it’s not like I really have to control myself in his presence –”

June rolls her eyes.  “This isn’t about whether or not you can control yourself and you know it.  You’ve given him far more than you ever did Nora or Liam and you’re still in love with him…”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

She’s right and he knows it. 

“Okay, well, I can – I’m good at avoiding my feelings.  I’ll put them in a box and ignore them.”

“That’s the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard!  It’s not healthy and I’m not going to let you do it,” June states, plainly.  “Okay, you want to be friends with him some day, that’s fine – today’s not that day.  Take a leaf out of Liam’s book.  You have to wait until you’ve moved on from him and then, maybe, becomes friends again.”

It’s probably for the best, but there was a part of him that was hoping maybe he could intentionally start something again… something more than friendship.  She’s right though, he shouldn’t go there, again.

Alex sighs.  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Aren’t I always?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

***

“Come on, let’s go party!” Nora says as she bursts into his room some day in December where he’s looking at possible jobs that would allow him to do good in the world. 

He glances down and notes that he’s in his underwear since he’s doing this in bed.  “Uh, I’m not dressed to go out – and don’t you knock?”

“You’re wearing just underwear that’s strange since you normally don’t wear any,” Nora says, shrugging.  “And I don’t need to knock – there’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“It doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed privacy or the decency of someone not bursting in on me –”

“Ouch,” Nora states, arms crossed as she sits on the bed across from him.  “What’s up with you?”

Alex shrugs.  “Nothing.  I’m just busy.”

“Don’t lie to me now, Alejandro.”

Alex shakes his head.  “It’s dumb.”

“If it bothers you, it’s not.”

He closes the laptop and tosses it to the side. 

“I just keep thinking that things wouldn’t have changed if Zahra hadn’t burst on us at the DNC.  Then, I never would’ve told mom, and she wouldn’t have fired me and told me that I had to make a choice – find out if I felt a thousand percent about him.  I could’ve kept going… with what we had… with what he wanted… with what we were both happy with.”

“For how long?”

“I – well, what kind of question is that?” Alex questions, confused.  “That’s not the point I was trying to make.”

“I understood what the point was, but here’s the thing – Zahra invaded your privacy and it sucked – but all she ended up doing is make you face what you needed to face: the fact that you two were in love and you needed to talk about it.”

Alex frowns.  “I’m complaining about her invading my privacy.”

“I know.”

“And we can’t say that we needed to talk about it or what would’ve happened, the point is that we know what did happen and –”

“– and while it’s true that Zahra bursting in was wrong… it doesn’t change the fact that eventually you would’ve gotten there with being so in love you could die, and you would’ve ended up here,” Nora states, plainly. 

“You don’t know that –”

“You want the odds?”

It doesn’t matter if he nods or doesn’t because she goes into the odds anyway.  Statistics are her thing, and she goes into them anyway.  At first, he wants to deny her math, but she’s right. 

The odds were never in their favor of working out.

He shakes his head when she stops laying out the different possibilities, all of which ended here.

And he needs to stop holding onto the possibility of what could’ve been and accept what is.  It all sucks, but he appreciates that she reiterates what June’s been saying about loyalty of friendship that no matter what she and June are on his side and all they want to do is help him through this. 

Going out is apparently her way of helping…

“Alright, you win.  Let’s go out.”

Nora brightens.  “Really?”

Alex nods.  “Yeah.  I’m sure.”

“Great.”

***

Fuck. 

It’s been months … months… he’s thought about trying to find someone to sleep with – that had been Nora’s plan when she randomly announced that she was taking him out –, but that wasn’t going to heal his heart. 

Especially when he finds himself leaving his own New Year’s party to walk out to the same damn tree that Henry kissed him under a year before. 

He hadn’t been all that gung-ho to do the party this year, especially since Zahra suggested keeping up appearances with Henry until June shot her down.  He shouldn’t be forced to see him until he’s ready.  The problem is that Alex wants to see him, he wants things to be back to the way things were, but he’s not going to get that.

So, instead, he’s out here in the snow wishing that he could’ve just stopped himself from ruining things by trying to tell him how he felt.  That’s all he really had to do. 

Then, he might still be with Henry.  It might hurt to love him and never tell him.  To pretend that it didn’t mean anything when it did, but at least he’d still have him in his life.

“It gets better, you know?”

Alex doesn’t have to turn to know that it’s Liam.  He and Spencer had come for the party.  It was great to see him, nice to have someone who knows him – not his profile.  An actual friend.  Something he missed when he lost Henry and hadn’t yet made up with Liam.

“Hey, enjoying the party?”

“Missing the host.”

“Technically, June and Nora –”

“I remember the first one – when you came up with it, remember?”

Alex laughs.  It’d been his idea.  He was always the more outgoing of him and June and Nora, despite easily making friends, wasn’t much of a partier until she met him.  His mom hadn’t been thrilled with idea until June re-branded it with the name it goes by every year rather than what they prefer to call it.

“Right, yeah, but technically…”

Liam gives him a look and he shakes his head. 

“Yeah, I just needed some air.”

“Yeah, I figured.  Like I said, it gets easier.”

“When?”

Liam coughs.  “Maybe when you let yourself be willing to let him go.”

“You think I’m not willing?”

“Come on, Al.”

Alex shakes his head.  “I think I feel stuck because as long as I’m here, as long as I’m the first son – I might run into him, again, and if I see him…”

“… then you might start up again?  And that’s what you want, isn’t it?”

Alex nods.  “Yeah.”

“Would it be better, then, if he was here?”

“Maybe.”

It’s quiet for a second before Liam says, “Well, he’s not.  And if you don’t want to be the first son, you don’t have to be.”

“My ma just won another four years.”

“Yeah, but – they stopped you from doing the campaign and ‘first son duties’, which by the way is not required or a thing before your ma took over, just because of who you were dating.  It was like a month or two and it would’ve kept going if he hadn’t run out on you – so figure out what you want to do… and go for it.  If that’s a job – a different campaign or going to back to school – do it.  And if that’s ‘quitting’ being the first son – do it.  Whatever’s best for you.”

Alex looks up at the night sky, thinks back to last few months – losing his job, choosing Henry, getting heartbroken, and being useful, again.  Finding out about why Luna ‘defected’ and realizing that maybe he doesn’t want to work in politics anymore, but he doesn’t know what he wants.

He just wants to do good.  He wants to help people.

He thinks back to sitting the LSAT.  To ideas he has with regards to being a lawyer and helping the disadvantage people that have no one to fight for them.

He’s in the best place to do that. 

“Thanks, Li.”

“Anytime.”

***

After that, Alex threw himself into applying for law schools to start in the fall.  He could go to Georgetown, but he figures he needs to leave the White House.  He also casually found excuses not to do First Son things anymore.  June had helped him find excuses – checking out the law schools he was applying to, visiting his dad, etc.  He’s not sure that Zahra or his mom really believes that, but his mom’s so excited that he decided to go to law school that she’s okay with him essentially quitting first son things except the inauguration. 

Until the State Dinner. 

Zahra had once again suggested that Alex should be there … with Henry.  That their ‘friendship’ was still important because people have written about their friendship and how it suddenly disappeared. 

“What does it matter if mom’s already been re-elected?” Alex asks, when he really wants to ask if Henry was really coming.  He’s not sure what he wants the answer to be.  One side – seeing Henry is what he wants, but on the other – it might be better not to see him. 

“Because it’s still important to have strong ties with the UK, and for the public not to question things.  People are suspicious that you went from spending all that time together to not seeing each other in months…”

“Again, what does it matter?  Who cares what the public thinks?  It’s not like my friendship with Henry ever actually impacted the relationship with the UK – so it would just be fake pictures of us pretending once again.”

“So, we know you can do it.”

Alex looks to his mom for support, but she’s not offering up anything.  Great.

“Fine, whatever.  I guess.”

Maybe this is what he needs…

June, who had been texting on her phone, looks up.  “Actually, you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because Henry’s not attending the State Dinner, Bea is, and I will gladly pose for pictures with her, so you can leave Alex out of it.”

Alex looks to her, surprised and relieved.  Had she been texting Bea about it?

Zahra opens her mouth to argue or something, who knows, when his mom says, “That works for me.”

“Good.  Then, we can go.”

June grabs his arm and leads him out of the room and to their own rooms before she speaks, “Just so you know, I haven’t been talking to Bea, either.  She falls under the same loyalty rule as Pez, but I knew that Zahra was going to ambush you about the State Dinner – I overheard her and mom yesterday, so I texted her and asked her if they were really going to send Henry here knowing what happened between you.  She confirmed that Henry had never intended to come and that she had volunteered to come in his place.”

He's relieved and disappointed at the same time.  Sure, he didn’t want to have to face Henry, but at the same time, he misses him.  If he knew that they could talk it out and at least be friends (even though June and Liam both make it clear that he’s not ready to be friends with Henry), then he’d be okay to see him, but he doesn’t know how it would go, so… he’d rather not see him.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“Here for you, always.”

“Same.”

***

A couple of weeks later, Alex has spent the last week in NYC so he could do his law school interviews.  He feels better every time he’s away from the White House, and despite knowing his name and his position could be part of the reason he’s gotten these interviews, he can, at least, remember that he worked his ass off in school, completing it in three and a half years while being ‘the first son’ and working various campaigns. 

He's earned his spot.

Or at least that’s what June keeps telling him. 

It’s his last night in town.  His interviews here went great, but all of the Valentine’s Day decorations have him thinking about Henry.  Which… is not that uncommon, but he’s hoping someday that wouldn’t be the case.

For now, he’s sitting in the same seat at the same bar in the same hotel that he was sitting in when Henry showed up at the DNC wishing that he wasn’t drinking alone.

Wishing Henry was here.

“Someone looks lonely, mind if I join you?”

Alex would assume the voice is talking to someone else because people usually don’t approach him, but he knows that voice. 

It’s the voice he’s been wanting to hear for months. 

He looks to his left and sure enough it’s Henry. 

He opens his mouth to say that no, he doesn’t mind, but what comes out is, “What the hell are you doing in New York, Henry?”

Henry laughs and Alex can’t help the smile that comes to his face.  It’s really Henry.

“I, er, I know that I am likely not the person you would want to see after I ghosted you again, but, er, I have been going through some changes in my life and I have something that I needed to tell you and I wanted to do it in person.”

“If you’re here to tell me you’re pregnant, the first question I’m going to ask is how,” Alex jokes because he’s a little nervous at suddenly being in Henry’s presence, again. 

“I’d ask how too, so that’s fair,” Henry says, a slight chuckle.  “Do you mind if we go over there to that table over there for a bit more privacy?”

He’s looking around at the people around them, and yeah, they’re starting to get some looks and it’d be better to go to the standing table a ways away from the bar. 

“Yeah, yeah, we can.”

Henry gets a drink and they both move to the table that seems to have a safe bubble of privacy.  He stands with his back to the wall, and Henry joins him a minute later. 

It’s awkward for a second before Henry speaks.

“I know I don’t deserve a minute of your time for the way that I left you with no explanation, but as I said, I have been thinking a lot about my life and everything that I want for my future and with the support of Bea and my mum (believe it or not) I made a big decision and it’ll be aired tomorrow on BBC an early special for Valentine’s Day – it’s an interview and I got an early copy… I’d like for you to watch it.”

It’s not what he expected when Henry said he wanted to talk in person, but Alex nods as Henry hands him his phone with ear buds.

He spares a look at Henry’s hopeful look before pressing play on the video.

There’s a bit where the host does something for Valentine’s Day, and then introduces Henry.  Alex ignores the fluffy back and forth until…

“So, Your Highness, do you have a love in your life?”

“Well, actually, that’s why I am here.  Why I wanted to have this interview.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, see, I’ve been called the ‘Prince of England’s Hearts’ for years now, pretty much since I became an adult, but I’ve always had a secret and that secret is that I could never love any of those women.  I wish I could have, it would’ve made my life so much easier, but I couldn’t and part of that is because I am gay.”

“Gay?  As in –”

“I am only interested in men.  In fact, I am only interested in one particular man, but before I get into that – erm, I’ve decided to come out today because I spent years in the closet, afraid to come out because I was not sure that I would be supported as a gay prince.  I thought that I had to keep hiding, maybe get married to a woman and figure out how to have children because of certain expectations that come with being a prince.”

He takes a deep breath. 

“I was okay with that because I never thought that I would find a man that loved me as much as I loved him and be able to handle being a prince’s boyfriend.  I knew that if I did find someone that the odds of them being able to understand my life and being able to handle coming out as it wouldn’t be easy would be nigh impossible…”

“And yet, you’re coming out now?  Does that mean that you found someone?”

“I did.  I – it’s a long story, but we met years ago, and I saw him across a crowded room like one of those meet-cute moments in romance novels or romantic comedies, except well, my first thought was that he was this amazing man that was living in a dimension that I couldn’t dream of accessing.  He was free in a way that I never dreamed I could be.  No, I thought if someone liked that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.  So, I had to keep him away from me for my own sanity.  Lo and behold, he didn’t get that memo because it was only in my head and he introduced himself to me, and I – I acted like a complete dunce.  I shook his hand and asked my equerry to, erm, get rid of him.  I was unaware that he heard me, but he did, and it actually started a bit of a rivalry.”

“So then, he isn’t the someone you’ve found?” the host asks, confused.

“Oh, no, he is.  See, we had a bit of a back-and-forth situation where I tried to keep my cool every time we met over the next few years (to make sure that my fancy of him wasn’t obvious), and he thought I was playing along with the rivalry – that I was aloof with him because I thought I was too good to consort with him.  Until, of course, an accident led us to spending some time together where I learned why he seemed to dislike me, I apologized, and we became friends.  This was about a year and half ago, now.”

“So, you’ve been with him for a year and a half?”

Henry shakes his head.  “No, we haven’t.  At first, we were just friends – real friends – we chatted every day about our lives and playfully bicker about things we didn’t agree on.  It was … I thought I loved him when I first met him, but actually getting to know him… I fell so hard so fast, but as far as I knew… he was straight.”

“As far as you knew.  How did you find out otherwise?”

“Well, see, my best friend kept insisting he was flirting with me and there was this party – something happened, and I got jealous, and I kissed him… before fleeing the country.”

“You fled the country?” the host questions, clearly not believing him.

“Oh, yes, and I ghosted him.  I was afraid, I thought I ruined everything.  So, I ran, and I didn’t answer his calls or texts, but then I had to see him again and it turns out – he fancied me, too.  He kissed me and made it clear that I was what he wanted.”

“That’s great, isn’t it?”

“It was great, it was perfect – almost.  Except the fact that we were both pretending that it was just … it wasn’t a fully romantic relationship… hiding it made it seem less like we could fall in love.  I was already in love, and I was okay with that, but we kept growing closer and closer, and I know that he fell in love with me, too.”

The host looks confused.  “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“No, it wasn’t.  I never wanted to hurt him, but I could sense that he might be happy hiding for a while, but some day he was going to want to come out and I never thought I could.  So, I broke his heart.  I walked away back in August…”

“And yet, you’re here.”

“Yes, well, as I said, I never thought that I would be able to or want to come out, but I haven’t been able to get him out of my head in the few months, and my mum and sister wanted to help me by helping me set up the Henry Foundation for LGBTQ+ community, specifically some youth centers that I’m going to be in charge of.”

“And that’s why you’ve come here today to talk about the foundation?”

“Not exactly.  I came here today – hoping that he’ll see this, so that I can tell him that I’m sorry.  That I regret walking away, especially because I was misguided in thinking that I could give him up when I love him so much.  That I know I don’t deserve his forgiveness, but if he’s willing to forgive me – I’m here, now.  I’m out now, and we could be together – if he wants, if he still loves me, if he can forgive me… I’m here and I still love him.”

The host is kind when he says, “I’m sure that with a big apology like this – that he’ll forgive you.”

“I can only hope.”

Alex can see that there’s more than a few minutes of interview left, but he’s seen what Henry wanted him to see. 

He pulls out the earbuds and looks up at Henry uncertain what to say. 

Luckily, Henry speaks first.

“I know that even after all this, after everything I’ve done, that I have no right to ask this, and I expect that you’ll slap me because that’s what I deserve, but as I said, I’m coming out tomorrow – and I’d like to be on a date in Paris on Valentine’s Day with you… if you’ll give me another chance because I love you and I am so sorry for leaving you like that.”

Alex can’t help it when he says, “That’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?  A first date on Valentine’s Day?”

The fact is – Henry’s confession is overwhelming.  The idea that he was in love with Alex or thought he was, but reacted out of self-preservation because the evil queen had told him that he had to hide who he is, only for Alex to end up pushing through those boundaries for a benefits situation that was never just benefits.  They were both just pretending that was all it was…

Maybe they believed that they had to – because of the election, because of the Queen – they weren’t honest with themselves or with each other, and even if he says yes… it still won’t be easy.  Being out will help or hurt possibly, there’s no way to tell.  It could still be quite difficult…

He’s got another choice here: jump with Henry off a cliff together or walk away once and for all. 

This was their chance to start fresh and on the right foot.  A real relationship. 

If that’s what he wants.

He looks into Henry’s eyes, and he can see that it’s what Henry desperately wants.  He wants Alex to say yes.  To whisk him off to Paris, to be together, again.

Alex wants it, too.

“I – well, yes, I suppose it is,” Henry admits, a flush on his face.  “However, I’ve always been a bit of a romantic and our last visit to Paris was nearly a year ago and … felt different to the first two times…”

“Because we spent the night together, cuddled all night, had breakfast the next morning…” Alex says, thinking of what he’d been thinking the first time – how those things made a relationship and how they couldn’t do those things if they were just having sex.  

“Erm, yes, that makes sense.  Anyways, yes, it is a bit on the nose, but I –”

The rest of what he says is cut off by Alex kissing him.  It’s not as long or passionate as Alex would prefer, largely because they’re in public.  “Yes.  On one condition.”

“Condition?” Henry asks, dazed.  “Anything, name it.”

“You’re not allowed to ghost me, again.  We try this and it doesn’t work – you don’t get to just disappear, we’re going to talk about it and –”

This time he’s cut off with a kiss. 

“Deal.”

“Good.”

Even though they should be aware enough to not make out at a bar out in the open, Henry pushes Alex’s back against the wall, and kisses him passionately. 

It feels just like the first kiss in his room – he swears that he can feel the wind in his hair, which is added by Henry’s hands in his hair.  One of them moves to the base of his skull and tugs, causing Alex to moan. 

Eventually, Henry needs air and leans his forehead against Alex’s.  “Upstairs?”

“Yes.  One thousand percent yes.”

***

They were quick to make it Alex’s hotel room to pack his bag before their plan to get on Henry’s private plane to Paris, but the second the door closes Henry’s lips are on his and frankly, Alex has been wanting this for too long to focus on packing right now.

Henry’s tongue in his mouth and his hands working to undo his clothing is everything he’s been dreaming about for months.  He can’t resist running his hands all over Henry and it’s only needing air that makes him lean back. 

Henry immediately starts kissing his neck, mouthing at that spot on his neck and no doubt leaving a mark, not that Alex cares.  He loves it. 

“You know … that interview … makes it … so obvious,” Alex pants.  Next to Henry’s lips that’s all he can think about.  Even though he knows that Henry wanted him to know that he was apologizing to him despite the fact that he never said who the man he’d fallen in love with actually was. 

Henry pulls back, his eyes are blown, and he looks like he’s not quite wanting to stop, but he knows that Alex’s mind is only half on what he’s doing to him and that’s not enough. 

“That – that was the point,” Henry says, breathlessly.  “I wanted the world to know that you turned my life upside down just by being you… I didn’t want there to be any question on who I was in love with.”

There’s a warmth that spreads through him at those words. 

“Good.  That’s – good.”

Henry sits on the bed in just his boxers, and pulls Alex into his lap, which prompts them to fall back on the bed with Alex on top. 

He kisses Henry, lightly, before pulling back.  “I – just, why now?  Why not months ago?  I can’t imagine Bea letting you wallow for too long.”

“Well, I – at first, I really thought it was for the best…”

“Because the Evil Queen told you that you couldn’t be gay?”

Henry laughs.  “The Evil Queen?”

“Fitting, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”  He shakes his head.  “Anyway, erm, yes.  That part is the problem.  I never could come out without the Queen’s acceptance.  Unless someone outed me and even then, I wouldn’t put it passed her to pretend it was faked evidence or something.  If she could get away with it.”

“She probably could.”

Henry nods.  “So, I was prepared to give you up – I didn’t want to put you through that.  Until Bea finally got tired of my whining and immediately came up with a plan to make me happier.  The plan involved getting mum to be a mum and er, I told her – everything.  She decided to take on the Evil Queen – we don’t need to go into the details of that with you naked on top of me – speaking of… why aren’t you wearing underwear?”

Alex chuckles and grinds down, the only fabric between them being Henry’s boxers.  “I go commando a lot, but I suppose that means she finally won, and you decided a public declaration of your love was in order to win me back?”

Henry flushes.  “I was hoping it wouldn’t be too hard.  Thought maybe you’d be easy for me, what with the way things started between us.”

He’s not wrong.  Alex is far too easy when it comes Henry.  The fact that he’s here, naked, after everything speaks volumes.  As does the fact that he’s perfectly happy to stop talking just to have his way with Henry. 

Henry appears to know what Alex wants without him needing to say it because he flips them and starts kissing Alex passionately. 

It’s everything that he’s been dreaming of since Henry left him in a lurch and honestly… he couldn’t be happier.

***

Although the original plan had been to pack Alex’s bag and get on the plane, they both decided that the plane could wait and decided to spend the evening/early morning catching up on everything they missed and talking things out because Alex did not like the way Henry left him.  He wanted to make sure that he’d never wake up again with Henry having left in the middle of the night.

They’d fallen asleep somewhere around 3AM, and unfortunately didn’t get to sleep long because Alex’s phone goes off at dawn.  It’s not an alarm and he’s unfortunately aware that it’s his Zahra ringtone. 

“Ten bucks says she saw your interview and somehow thinks I should deny that we’re together or at least, used to be,” Alex groans. 

He knows without even answering the phone that Zahra’s going to react the exact same way she did at the DNC, and he hates it.  He was so worried about the campaign that it took Henry leaving and his mom winning again for him to realize that his relationship would’ve never had any impact on the presidency.

The phone stops ringing and he briefly considers just rolling over into the comfort of Henry’s arms before it starts again.  It’s way too early for this, so he declines the call and immediately gets a text.

What the hell do you think you’re doing with the Prince, you little shit? 

Attached is a link to the BBC interview right at the end where the interviewer speaks live, next to him is a video of the previous night where Henry approaches Alex and all the way through their make out session before going upstairs. 

Well, at least there’s no denying it.

“Well, if there was any question before on who Prince Henry fell in love with and came here to apologize to, it’s a question no more.  This video of the Prince and the First Son from the early hours of this morning clearly answer the question – it was none other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, the First Son of the United States and one-half of what you used to call the best bromance of the year… perhaps we were easily fooled, what do you think, Lou?”

“I think the situation between the two over the years suddenly makes sense and that we should wish the two nothing, but happiness.”

“I concur, and I’m actually thrilled that I was right about the mystery man in question.  Given the clues, it was obviously the First Son that had stolen the Prince of England’s Hearts’ heart.”

“Yes, and clearly, the Prince has been forgiven – just in time for Valentine’s Day!”

There’s clearly more to the discussion, but Alex leaves it.  “Well, I think that’s a good sign.”

“I agree,” Henry offers, kissing his cheek.  “Although I hadn’t meant to out you.”

“You just wanted to make it obvious that you fell in love me,” Alex grins.  “How could that not out me?”

Henry opens his mouth – probably to apologize – but Alex cuts him off with a kiss pushing him on his back and straddling him as he does.  “I don’t care as long as we’re together.”

Henry grins up at him.  “That’s all well and good because there’s certainly nothing I’d want to do about it now, especially if I’m getting to enjoy the sight of my naked boyfriend on top of me.”

Rather than answer, Alex starts kissing him passionately, letting his hand snake between them to jerk them off together when his phone rings – this time June’s ringtone.

“You should… probably … get that,” Henry pants when Alex leans just a bit away to glare at the offending phone.

“Nah, they know I’m with you so… they should leave us alone.”

The phone falls silent and Alex resumes his task, only to be annoyed a second time by it going off again. 

Frustrated, Alex answers the phone with, “I’m little busy here –”

“Doing Henry?”

“As a matter of fact –”

“I was kidding, I do not want to hear about that,” June cuts in.  “You need to stop what you’re doing and get dressed because I convinced mom to at least conference you in rather than storm your hotel and force you to come back and you should not be naked for that.”

“Why do I have to do it at all?” Alex complains.  “Henry’s out, I’m out and we’re living happily ever after, who cares?”

“Apparently, it’s still something they feel they need to ‘address appropriately’ and ‘handle this presidency-ruining secret’.”

“What the fuck, June?  You don’t really think that, do you?”

“No, of course not,” she assures him.  “But I didn’t think you’d want a repeat of the DNC.”

He glances at Henry, who’s violently shaking his head, and sighs, “Fine.  We’ll be dressed and call in a few minutes.”

“Good,” she says, sounding pleased.  “And Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you, but I’m still going to give Henry a shovel talk for how he left you.”

She hangs up before he can possibly respond, and he smiles down at Henry, who’s blushing.

“I suppose that I deserve all of the shovel talks that your family wants to give me.  I’m so sorry that I –”

“Hey, it’s okay, honestly.  It’s partially on me, too.  We both share some of the blame for not talking about when our relationship went from fuck buddies to an actual relationship.”

He gives him a light kiss before getting off of him.  “We better get dressed before the meeting – I do not need another nightmare of people bursting in on us (and I haven’t forgiven her for the last time).”

“Good because that was highly unprofessional.  Shaan would’ve never done such a thing.”

“Yeah, true.”

***

The meeting is completely ridiculous.  From Zahra berating them for kissing in public (“you never said anything when it was ‘America’s sweethearts’,” Alex complained) to suggesting that they somehow hide it (“seriously, ma, we were making out in public and even if we could somehow rewind that and erase that evidence, Henry’s whole thing made it really obvious it was me”) and finally landing on “you could’ve at least warned us” (“right because you haven’t know for months that if I ever saw Henry again, I’d run into his arms like one of those romantic reunions in rom coms” – this had caused June, Nora and Henry to burst out laughing ruining the seriousness of the conversation).

It finally ended with, “You should, at least, come home and make a speech addressing the situation.”

Alex laughs, openly.  “No.”

“No?”

“No, it’s not happening.  My love life has no bearing on your presidency, it’s not like I’m the president and he’s the king, he’s literally fourth in line (unlikely to ever be king) and in four years, I won’t even be the figure head of ‘First Son’ ‘cause you won’t be the president anymore.  So, no – no speech, no press address.  Henry and I have essentially come out – it’s pretty clear that we’re in love and he’s taking me to Paris, so… we can’t really stop by the White House.”

“Alex, I don’t think you understand –”

“No, Ma, I don’t think you understand even if we wanted to – which we don’t – we can’t put the genie back in the bottle and it’s not the public’s right to know anything about our love life.  We have the right to privacy and you’re trying to capitalize on our relationship and for what?  Your numbers?  I don’t think that that matters at all anymore.  If we don’t make it a big deal of it, it’ll just be a thing that fades in the background.  Which is exactly what we deserve… to love in peace.  We already let ourselves suffer because of our roles in the world, and we’re not about to keep doing that.”

“I’m not asking you to suffer…”

“But you are asking us to make this a big deal when it shouldn’t be…”

“It is a big deal –”

“No, it’s not.  We’re happy, we’re together and you know what?  It’s no one’s business, but ours!  So, that’s it.  Goodbye.”

He ends the video call and turns to Henry.  “I know we’re still exhausted, but I really want to get on a plane before they try and stop us.”

“Anything for you, love.”

“Good.”

***

Months later, Alex and Henry are having a housewarming in Texas.  Alex had decided on going to UT Austin for his law degree and Henry had decided to use his foundation to help queer youth in Texas.  Of course, it would take time, which is why they’d bought a house with lots of land (and a guest house for their security) to give them the chance to be happy and in love and at peace.

While his mom hadn’t been happy that he hadn’t wanted to make some grand speech about his love for Henry, the fact that he went from Paris to London and stayed with Henry for nearly six weeks until the press chilled out by moving on to something else (and his birthday had passed), made her realize that he’s an adult that can make his own choices.

He had gotten his acceptances and he and Henry had made their decision about Texas in that time, which meant finding a place and getting happily ever after.

He had briefly worried on seeing Pez and Bea that they’d be upset that June and Nora hadn’t been in contact due their loyalty with him, but Bea had said that it was the same reason that she hadn’t gotten into contact either.  Pez, on the other hand, had laughed and said he’d been testing them.

“Testing them?”

“It’s important that we have a boundary, Alexander.  It’s important that you know that you can always rely on them.  I knew that someday you and our dear Henry would end up happily ever after, but I wanted you to know that you have the same loyalty of friendship that Bea and I have with Henry.  It should be a requirement that the people closest to you will always be on your side.  Because you and Henry may have fights and you’ll need support to get through it – to vent without worrying the other half will hear.  We can all be friends, but we should all remember that there are lines when there needs to be.”

“So, you would’ve been disappointed, then?”

“Oh, absolutely.  Don’t worry, dear, I was merely helping you.”

At that, Alex threw a pillow at him.  “Even though I do like the assurance, it’s not your job to test my sister and best friend.  I never expected them to keep that line open even if I told them they could because I know that they’ll always have my back.”

Pez grinned.  “And there lies your test.  You pass.”

It devolved into a pillow fight, but the end result was that everything worked out and they could have gatherings at their new house without fear that it would be awkward.

Alex finishes straightening the banner for the party as Henry comes out laughing at him.  “Do we really need a banner?”

“Yes, yes we do,” Alex assures him from his chair.  “It’s our housewarming, it’s gotta be perfect.”

Henry helps him down and pulls him close.  “It is perfect because it’s with you.”

“You’re such a Prince Charming.”  He’s grinning up at him, so happy and content and ready for this next chapter of their lives.

“Does that make you Cinderella?” Henry teases, as the door rings. 

“Only in that I finally get a happily ever after with Prince Charming.”  Alex gives him a quick kiss.  “Now, come on, Prince Charming, we’ve got a housewarming to celebrate.”

Alex pulls him towards the door as Henry says, “Then, here’s to happily ever after.”

“Cheers to that.”

***

Thanks for reading :)

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

illicit affairs | twenty one

*Ellie’s POV* two months later The last two months have been an absolute whirlwind, it was hard to believe it was already August. Noah moved in with me but he’s only been here half the time since he’s been back and forth from LA for work and doing a few festival shows. When he was here though we spent most of the time exploring around Vancouver and getting Noah familiar with what the city had to offer. It still didn’t feel real that was he was permanently here, I kept waiting for him to go home to LA .

One of the best things about Noah being here was him spending time with Liam and developing a bond with him. Liam loved having Noah around which was such a relief because I was worried he wouldn’t like sharing our space. Noah spent a lot of undivided time with him and his calm, patient, kind nature helped him gained Liams trust pretty quickly. He even introduced Liam to Naruto and now it was their favourite pastimes. I also tried to not get offended when Liam started wanting Noah to read him a bedtime story and tuck him in, but their bond was so special I let it go. “Ow.” I turned around and saw Noah holding his shoulder, making me sigh. As much as I loved that Noah brought some of his music equipment with him, our living room was getting a little crowded. We had my desk, some guitars and Liams toy shelf in here, along with a sectional the size of Texas. I turned my attention back to my computer so I could wrap up some emails for work. Seconds later Noah came over and gently rubbed my shoulders, making me lose my train of thought. “I’m almost done.” I breathed as he brought his lips to the back of my neck. “Okay, I want to talk to you about something important when you’re done.” I raised my eyebrow at him, “I can type and listen.” “No you finish, I’ll make us some coffee first.” He whispered before kissing the top of my head. My head tingled from the contact as he walked towards the kitchen. Noah’s love language has been making me coffee when he’s here, which I’d never complain about because he always made it perfectly. He set up a full coffee bar when he moved in, making me anything from matcha’s, flat whites to iced oat milk lattes. When Liam was having a sleepless night he would even steam milk and honey for him to sleep, which worked like an absolute charm. “So what did you want to talk about?” I asked as I sat down on the couch. Noah came around the corner, a hot coffee in hand for me. I smiled as he passed it to me, feeling the warmth against my hands.

“While I appreciate all of us cramming into this condo together, we need more space. Jolly and I have been toying with the idea of a deluxe album so I’ll need a recording studio sooner than later.” He fiddled with the strings on his hoodie, looking nervous as all hell as he looked at me. “I had some places lined up to look at this afternoon if you’re interested.” “Seriously?” “Yes Ellie.” He smirked, “you can’t tell me it doesn’t feel crowded. I know Liam is only here half the time, but it would be nice to give him more space to play too. Not that I don’t trust him, but some of these guitars are really expensive so I need them somewhere safe.” “No I get it, and it would be nice to actually have an office.” My tone changed, getting excited about the idea, “so when do we go?” Noah just smiled at me before finished up our coffees. He had picked six houses that were in this area to look at because he liked it here, and I did too. After quickly getting dressed we got into the car and drove about 10 minutes away from the condo to a small bungalow that was almost identical to his home in LA. My stomach dropped a little, I didn’t want to be reminded of what happened there. Our realtor showed us around but I could tell even Noah didn’t like it, he took one loop around the kitchen and said we weren’t interested. 

The next few houses didn't impress us and neither of us could see ourselves building a future in them. I started to wonder if we needed to hire a new realtor because he wasn’t getting it. Noah wore his defeat on his face and I tried to remain positive for him but it was hard. I grabbed his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze as we pulled up to the next house, which was also the last one. “Holy shit.” My jaw dropped as we pulled into the driveway. It was a two story modern home but with much darker aesthetics. Once we got out of the car I noticed and it had the cutest front porch, and it was on a quiet cul-de-sac. I was already picturing Liam riding a bike around here in the summer. Noah’s eyes glowed as he looked over at me, this could be it. Noah and I were walking around the house in complete awe, every room was leaving us speechless. We found out it was just built this year, so no one had lived in it yet. The interior matched with the exteriors aesthetics with the doors, window frames, all the cabinets and lights being black with gold fixtures. The floors were a lighter wood finish and the walls were a soft white and the house had so much natural lighting. It had 5 bedrooms, which was good because Liam can have his own room and we could have guest rooms for when the guys come up. There was also a small office off of the living room that would be perfect for me, or for Noah to turn into a recording studio. This house was meant for us.

“I saved this for last, because I think you’ll love the backyard the most.” We both gasped as we headed outside, my hand squeezed Noah's harder as I looked around. There was a large patio with a fire pit, again, perfect for us when the guys come up and a decent sized yard with a small in ground pool. My eyes wondered over to a detached garage that had a bonus room above it. Noah’s eyes lit up and I could instantly tell he wanted to make it his recording studio. Seeing him like this made my heart melt. Unfortunately our excitement wore off when we saw the price, it was a bit out of Noah’s price range. Unfortunately Vancouver real estate was, if not worse than LA’s was. Our realtor assured us he could get the asking price down since it had been on the market for a while and would get back to us with a better number by tomorrow. We felt our dream home slipping out of our hands and it was crushing me to see Noah so distraught over it. We thanked the realtor and drove home in complete silence.

“What if I sold my condo?” “Are you sure?” Noah sighed, not taking his eyes off the road.

"This house was made for us babe. My condo has doubled since I bought it and I paid it off, so it would help us with a downpayment. We can make this happen."

Noah put the car in the park as we pulled up the condo, sighing heavily. My eyes pleaded for him to give in for once and let me help, considering this was something for us. He brought his hand up to my face and held my cheek in his palm. I studied the freckles on his sun kissed face as he tried to find his words. “That house really was made for us, wasn’t it?” I just nodded on account I was melting into his hand. A small smirk appeared on his face before he gently kissed me, leaving me wanting more. The pad of his thumb gently rubbed my bottom lip as a million thoughts raced through my mind. Our eyes remained locked on each other and that gravitational pull made it impossible to look away. “Lets go get our home then.”

[wompwomp-1mh3re]

You’re the salt air, I’m the suitcase

One way ticket to a new a place

You can zip up

All of my of love

But it would spill out

Cause it weighs too much

Buck is sat on Eddie’s couch, the revelation that Eddie too is leaving sinking in deep. He’ll be getting on a plane and heading off to Texas, another person Buck cares greatly for leaving. He can’t leave though, sure he doesn’t want to miss out on more of Christopher’s big moments but Buck needs him like he needs air to live. The two of them are intertwined in every sense of being, wherever Eddie is Buck is sure to follow but Texas is too far Buck can’t leave behind the 118, he can’t leave his family. Eddie is the person who gets him, Eddie knows everything about Buck and vice versa he can’t just leave like that, no, no, no he can’t just be gone like that, like it’s as easy as that, Eddie isn’t Abby. He doesn’t know what is causing him to feel like this, yes Eddie was, is his best friend but this isn’t how someone reacts to a friend leaving.

Eddie comes over and sits next to Buck handing him a coffee which he takes and sets the tablet down. “So is this gonna be a forever thing? Why not try to convince him to come back instead of going the whole route of moving?” Buck breaks the brief silence, he hates how clingy he sounds, how needy. “You know how it’s been lately Buck, he barely talks to me let alone enough to have that kinda conversation with him,” Eddie sounds so dejected, the tiredness in his voice reaches into Buck’s chest and grips his heart tightly.

The two talked for a while discussing houses while Buck slowly died inside as he was forced to deal with the fact that he was losing his best friend. Sure they’d probably text and call but he knew how that ended, he’d seen it happen with Abby, they grew out of touch, didn’t talk after a couple of months and nothing had ever hurt Buck that badly, not his parents negligence, not leaving Maddie, not any of his breakups, this pain was raw and cut to the core of his very being and it hadn’t even happened yet, Eddie was still next to him. Why did it hurt so bad?

I’d wait, forever in your hallway

Change your colors, start to wonder, paint it over

Or stay the same

It happened, Eddie left. The house was sold, all his belongings in boxes gone, no trace of him ever being there other than the contact in Buck’s phone and the gaping hole in his being. Buck felt like it was Abby all over again but Eddie wasn’t Abby, he wouldn’t abandon Buck, right? Why did he feel this way, they were nothing more than friends so why did he feel like a brokenhearted lover? Eddie had texted him once he landed, letting Buck know he was safe but Buck couldn’t bring himself to reply, he shut off his phone and tossed it on his nightstand.

A few weeks later Buck found himself standing in the hallway outside the empty apartment that Eddie once called home, he didn’t even realize his feet had brought him there until someone tapped his shoulder and asked if he was looking into buying. He had unconsciously gone to seek out Eddie in his shitty mindset, looking for comfort in his best friend but miles now separated them.

Buck wakes at 12 on a Sunday, what’s meant to be a peaceful day off is started with a crushing headache from the binge drinking he’d done the night before, his phone buzzes on the nightstand Eddie’s contact displayed on the screen for a second before it goes away and he’s met with the notifications of multiple missed calls and unanswered texts from Eddie. Buck doesn’t think as he grabs the device and calls Eddie back, the line connects immediately. “Buck, Jesus Christ are you okay?!” Eddie’s voice is relieved yet frantic and Buck can only groan in response as it makes his head throb, he pulls the phone back a bit to quiet it. “I’m fine, did something happen? Why’d you call so many times?” Buck yawns. “Did something happen- Buck you texted me at two in the morning saying ‘I love you and I’m sorry’ where the hell did that come from? I thought you were going to kill yourself or something! You can’t scare me like that man.” “I did?” Buck pulls the phone down all the way and puts the call on speaker, opening his and Eddie’s chat. He finds the text, passing over all of Eddie’s frantic texts. “I guess I did…I don’t remember sending that or anything, god did I really drink that much last night? I dunno, but sorry Eddie I didn’t mean to worry you.” “Buck seriously are you okay? Bobby, Hen, and Chim have all texted me asking if I know what’s going on with you. And don’t bullshit me here, are you okay?” “I’m fine Eddie,” Buck lies through his teeth, “just dealing with a few minor things, I don’t know why they’re all so worried.” “Buck. They wouldn’t text if it was something minor.” “Maybe they texted you cause you’re my best friend Eddie, I talk to you about everything you know I wouldn’t hide anything from you even if I wanted to.” “Evan, you don’t make habit of drinking until you don’t remember what the hell happened and you don’t casually drop I love you’s dr-” the call suddenly cuts out and Buck curses as his phone dies and plugs it in.

Buck doesn’t bother to call back and gets up and goes to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror after washing his hands, he doesn’t recognize the person staring back at him, the figure's hair is unkempt and his stubble grown out, dark bags rest under his dull eyes. Who has he become?

Chat I wrote this at early hours of the morning by bad if this is ass

Please help I want this to have some form of comfort I’m open to any ideas I kinda wanna make it so Buck shows up to Texas but idk

This is not the full work

[traningdummy]

Whole with You

(This was the longest thing I’ve ever written)

Javier Peña X Male Reader

Javier Peña, the playboy in the office. Sleeping with informants after he got what he wanted from them, without his work both in the bed and in the office Pablo would still be around.

Yet he still yearned for something deeper than a one night stand, he wanted true genuine love. No pillow talk bullshit where they say “I love you” in the middle of an orgasm, he wanted a genuine I love you.

So when he was moved out of his department he began to search for love, always going on dates yet they all ended the same. He slept with them, and the next morning they would leave and never talk to him besides wanting some fun.

He hated himself for this, always doing what his date wanted and ignoring why he was dating in the first place. Always trying to please the person under or above him, but never pleasing himself.

Y/n L/n was a local farmer in Texas, he always went to the farmer’s markets to sell his crops, berries, or cattle if he had any. He became quite popular around the town, yet no one knew if he had a partner.

His farm would make a lot of money selling his crops, making people think of him as a rich man. So people all over the state would try to win his hand in marriage but none would succeed.

He knew from the start why people were suddenly interested in him, yet he wanted to see if any actually loved him. None of them did, all of them asking about his money and farm, none of them asked about Y/n himself.

So everyday for a month he would reject countless requests for a relationship, until most people stopped trying and left him alone. He was grateful for it so he could tend to his crops, but he also wanted a partner.

He hated being alone as all he had was his cattle and radio to keep him busy, yet he still felt like something was missing. He wanted someone to love him, someone to take care of him, someone to take care of besides his work.

Yet as he tried to recall all his last dates with the countless people none of them struck a chord within him, but he still had hope. So for every weekend he would go into town and just walk around, greeting friends and new people. Looking for one person to strike that chord within him.

Javier also had the same plan as the farmer, going into town and greeting new people. Seeing a lot of his old one night stands as he did, but he tried to know them better but all they wanted was sex.

All they wanted was his body, not his personality, just his dick and ass. He hated it, he hated himself for it as well as that was all he ever did and never went for an emotional approach.

But after months of searching the two men met someone, the person who would fill the void they needed.

•••

“I’m going into town, be safe Oreo.” Y/n told his cow as he gave her water, she gave him a small moo before he left the stables. He washed himself off and changed before getting into his truck, the drive was always his favorite part.

The music always seemed better in the truck than in his home, probably because he was actually going somewhere besides the bed or living room.

When he made it into the town he parked his truck and left, locking the doors behind him. As he walked he gave waves to everyone, greeted friends and old neighbors as he did.

“Y/n!” His grandmother yelled and he smiled, he leaned down to give her a hug and she smiled. “Still looking for someone?” She asked and he nodded, standing back up.

“Yep, today feels different Gran, I’m just sure of it.” He told her and she nodded with a smile.

“Well I feel it too, now get out there and please bring me a cookie when you come back?” She asked and Y/n nodded before leaving, going further into town.

•••

Javier woke up with a feeling of determination today, which was odd for him as he usually feels sadness when he wakes up. He got changed before eating his breakfast, he was trying to think of why he felt good today.

But he couldn’t think of anything so he left it at that, going out into town for another search for love. As he did he saw new people, he tried to be friendly but they were not as friendly doing a small wave or nod.

As he kept going he heard a small commotion, he headed towards the crowd and saw two people. One was a woman who seemed to be dancing to the radio music, and the other was a man who was dancing with her.

“Pick up the pace Y/n!” She encouraged and the man laughed, looking down trying to follow her steps. The crowd cheered as they went, from what Javier could tell is that Y/n was a popular man.

He remembered hearing his name getting thrown around a couple months ago, something about money and people trying to date him. But his focus was thrown off when he saw Y/n falling towards him, he reached out and caught the man.

Their eyes both looked at each other, and they both felt a weird sensation within themselves. Javier felt like a flame inside of him igniting as he stared at the man in his arms, yet Y/n felt like a river became unblocked in his heart as he finally felt at ease.

After what felt like an eternity Y/n finally got himself up from Javier’s hold, the crowd stared at the two men before the woman stopped the music. “Thank you for coming to the show everyone!” She said and the crowd clapped, they slowly began to move away as the two were still standing in front of each other.

“Hey.” The woman tapped on Javier’s shoulder bringing him back to reality. “You mind running him to the infirmary, I think he twisted something.” She asked and he nodded.

As they walked together it was quiet, neither one of them would speak. Until they made it to the hospital, they had Javier go with Y/n into the examination room.

“Sorry about your leg.” Javier spoke up and Y/n did a small laugh.

“It’s fine really, I think I just tripped because I was mesmerized by you.” Y/n told the other man, his face became red and hid it in a magazine when the doctor came in.

•••

Ever since that day the two would always find each other, first starting off as friends with a little bit of romantic tension. Y/n would invite Javier to his stand at the farmer’s market.

“So how many cattle do you have?” Javier would ask Y/n, he would think before answering.

“Around 10 or 12, I love all of them very much.” He said selling some berries to a customer. “Now, if you don’t mind me asking what did you do before coming to this town?” He asked the other man who thought.

“Well, I can’t discuss it here but I was in a police force of some sort.” He told him and the man nodded, his interest was high but decided to not bother the man.

“Sounds very interesting, you want to hand out some samples?” Y/n asked and Javier would nod, getting out of his chair. The farmer would give him a basket filled with oranges, rubbing some sunscreen on his face before letting him go.

As he walked around he saw Y/n talking to a woman, he remembered her as the woman he was dancing with.

“So, how are you and mustache doing?” She asked and he laughed at the nickname. “What would you want me to call him?” She asked with a laugh and he shook his head with a smile.

“It’s a great name, but we’re doing well. I think I found the one Sam, but I don’t want to rush it and ruin it.” He told his friend and she nodded.

“Well I got a show to get too, have fun and tell him I said hi!” She said running out of the market. Javier then came over with an empty basket, setting it down on the table.

“Sam says hi.” He told him and he nodded with a smile.

“So that’s her name? I’ve been calling her dancer lady.” He joked and Y/n laughed.

“Yeah, her nickname for you was mustache.” He laughed and he gasped, before the two laughed.

“I mean it is my most defining characteristic.” Javier said, stroking his stache, making Y/n laugh.

•••

Soon they moved to the title of partners, but Javier couldn’t handle the slow pace anymore. The side of him he hated was starting to get the best of him, but Y/n was patient.

Javier had a raging boner in his pants, he wanted Y/n so bad but he couldn’t ruin all the progress he made with the farmer. He didn’t want him to think of Javier as a creep or something.

Yet Y/n knew about Javier’s history around town, people were trying to tell him that he was only going to sleep with him and leave him. But he didn’t care for that, he was here for Javier all of him.

“Javi I’m home!” He yelled and the man was in their shared bathroom, trying to hide his boner from him.

“Welcome back Y/n!” He yelled from the bathroom.

Y/n was suspicious but ignored it, already knowing what was happening. It has happened a few times already where Javi would lock himself in the bathroom for sometime, so he’s adjusted to it.

He made dinner for the two of them and waited for his partner to come down, it wasn’t long when he did. Y/n gave him a soft smile and a kiss before they ate dinner, he wanted to ask Javier why he wanted to hide his sexual side but waited for Javi to talk about it to him.

After they finished eating they sat down and watched a movie together, but Y/n felt something poking his leg. He lifted the blanket to see Javi’s boner hard at work, his partner put the blanket down and sighed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just second nature.” He explained to the farmer, he nodded and kept watching the movie slowly feeling the pressure fade away.

•••

Soon they both talked about Javier’s sex drive, Javier didn’t want it to affect the way Y/n sees him, but Y/n didn’t care because he loved the man he loved every side of Javier.

“So you’re fine with this?” Javier asked and Y/n nodded, just happy they were talking about it without Javier leaving randomly.

“Javi, I love everything about you, from your wonderful mustache, your beautiful smile, eyes, to your amazing personality. Nothing can make me not love you.” He told the man, taking his hand softly.

“Y/n.” He whispered and kissed the man intensely, Y/n being soft with Javi while the other man was touching all over his body like he would disappear. “I love you so much, por favor, no me dejes.” He whispered.

“No me iré, nunca.” Y/n responded and they kept kissing like their lives would end soon.

•••

It was only three years later when the two men got engaged to each other, it felt like their hearts were linked at first meet and they both knew that and were grateful for it.

Yet Javier had a longing inside of him, like he needed one more thing from Y/n before he could truly love him. Yet as much as he hated it, he needed Y/n to see everything.

So Javier planned a special day for them both, a dinner date on top of the farm’s hill where Y/n had first proposed. Then a movie inside the house before ending everything in the bedroom.

Y/n was tired after a whole day of tending to his farm, all he wanted to do was eat and sleep with his fiancé. Yet he saw Javier with a basket with food and drinks, he looked up and the cop smiled.

“I had a new plan for dinner tonight, is that fine amor?” Javier asked and Y/n nodded, he smiled and the two went out of the house and up to the hill.

When they made it up Javier set down the basket and sat down next to Y/n, getting out the food before getting the drinks. As they ate they watched the sunset, it was beautiful as it usually was.

Yet Y/n found something better than the sunset, and that was Javier. He doesn’t regret meeting the man, giving him a chance, and proposing to him on this hill. He watched his fiancé eat with a smile, the sunlight making him seem more ethereal than usual.

“Qué?” Javier asked Y/n, he didn’t say anything and looked away. Now he was embarrassed, feeling around his face for any crumbs but didn’t find anything. “Are you alright amor?” He asked and the farmer nodded, finishing his food.

“Yeah, it was just my fiancé looking like the most handsome man in the world.” Y/n responded and kissed Javier, it was a soft and tender kiss.

Javier sighed as Y/n pulled away, he held his face and smiled tracing his features softly. “Let’s go home, yeah?” He asked and his fiancé nodded, packing up the basket and leaving.

As they watched the movie Y/n leaned on Javier’s lap, slowly falling asleep as the movie went on. Javier wanted to keep his plan on schedule so, with some regret, he had to wake up Y/n.

He waited for the movie to finish before slightly shaking him, he groaned but woke up looking over to his fiancé. “Qué?” Y/n asked.

“I have one more plan for tonight, you think you could stay awake just a little longer?” Javier asked and the farmer nodded, yawing as he got up from Javier’s lap. He took his hand and led him to their room, inside soft music was playing from a record Javier bought for today.

“Aww, Javi.” He gushed and kissed Javier with a smile, the two smiled and fell on to the bed. The kiss became more heated as Javier slipped his hand into Y/n’s jeans, he gasped and moaned softly.

“I wanted you to see all of me, mi amor.” He whispered to him, rubbing his crotch while kissing all over his neck. Y/n now filled with lust and love flipped over Javier, switching positions.

“Then, let me devour all of you.” He said and kissed all over his body, taking off his shirt to get more access to his skin. Leaving marks wherever he could, his chest, shoulders, neck, arms, anywhere.

Y/n then removed Javier’s pants and began to suck on his thighs, enjoying the moans and whimpers from him. “Sí, mi amor, más.” He moaned and Y/n did. Taking off his and Javier’s underwear leaving them both naked, Javier’s hands wandering all over Y/n’s body as he did the same.

Y/n then reached over to Javier’s nightstand to pull out some lube, he put some on his fingers and looked to his fiancé. “Ready?” Y/n asked and Javier nodded, he lifted up his legs and put in two of his fingers.

“Oh shit.” He mumbled, feeling the cold liquid go inside of him. He hasn’t had sex in so long, he felt like a virgin again. He kept moaning and groaning as Y/n stretched his hole out, scissoring, curling, anything that would help his fiancé be more adjusted to him.

“Y/n, por favor.” Javier whimpered, feeling hot and bothered but ready to take him in. Y/n got a condom and put it on before lining himself up.

“Are you sure mi amor?” Y/n asked one more time, and Javier nodded, kissing him before slowly going into him. His breath hitched as he went in, slowly getting adjusted to Y/n’s size. “You’re doing so good, just a little more.” Y/n whispered to Javier.

It wasn’t much longer till Y/n was thrusting in and out of him, kissing him but also loving his moans and whimpers. Javier loved the way Y/n would hit the spot inside of him that would give him a jolt of pleasure.

Y/n kissed him softly besides his hard and fast thrusts into him, making Javier’s heart melt but also felt the knot in his stomach feel ready to break. “Y/n.” He whimpered and his fiancé nodded.

“Me too.” He whispered and with a few more thrusts they both came, Javier’s cum all over both of their chests and stomachs and Y/n pulled out and threw away the condom before laying down.

“You want to take a shower?” Javier asked, but Y/n was snoozing away. He smiled and held his fiancé close to him, finally feeling complete again.

[countrymusiclover]

12 - Baby Number Three

Part 13

The Texas Tire Family

Tags just ask - @supernaturalgirl30 @bvbwestfall @bubble-blu @patriciaplictisita @liesanddreams

"Urgh...Georgie call an...ambulance...it's the baby I think...something's wrong!" He squeezed my hand grabbing his phone frantically trying to dial 911.

Gripping my stomach I take a few deep breaths feeling pain shooting through my lower back. Georgie was slamming on the gas trying to get the truck through the busy city streets but this wasn’t like Medford. “Come on. Move it dang it!”

“Georgie, yelling at them isn’t going to - oh fix it!” I winced, bending forward baring my teeth together. Somehow this felt exactly like how my last few months of Aurora’s pregnancy was. But this feels like double the pain of that.

“Darlin don’t you worry. I’m gonna get you to the hospital and everything's gonna be fine…uh.” He glanced in my direction moving his left hand to my knee for a second getting an idea that hopefully would work. He started turning the channels on the radio until the song he was looking for came on. “Life's like a road that you travel on. When there's one day here, and the next day gone. Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand. Sometimes you turn your back to the wind. There's a world outside every darkened door. Where blues won't haunt you anymore. Where the brave are free and lovers soar. Come ride with me to the distant shore…”

“Life is a Highway from Cars…Georgie how is that supposed to help!” I grunted hitting the windseal with my fist wanting the pain in my stomach to go away. The baby kicks we’re getting bigger so that wasn’t making it any better.

He intertwined my freehand with his lefts even though he was left so he was driving with his non-dominant hand. His brown eyes locked onto mine for a brief second then he focused back on the road. “Cause when Rora was like four she loved this song. So I was thinkin’ that this would distract you to think about that.”

“Awe thanks ah!…oh I think it is working.” Shutting my eyes I leaned my head back against the headrest listening to the song praying that the baby was going to be fine.

Coming inside our apartment I was exhausted from work seeing that I had to deal with some rude customers at the restaurant. Dropping my bag at the door I closed it hearing a sneeze from Aurora’s bedroom. Georgie had stayed home to watch her seeing that I would be on maternity leave in a few months anywhere. “Georgie, how’s she doing. Any better?”

“Her fever has went down. But she has been whining all day to watch Cars with ya. I’m gonna go pick up Eve from daycare.” He carried her in his arms coming out of the room handing her to me since I was sitting on the couch.

She hugs her stuffed animal version of Lightning McQueen to her chest while I draped a blanket over us turning the tv on. “Oh I’m sorry my baby. Momma’s here now.”

I whispered seeing her face change to a smile when she started singing the words. And to my surprise it was a hundred percent correct. “We won't hesitate. To break down the garden gate. There's not much time left today, yeah. Life is a highway. I wanna ride it all night long. If you're goin' my way. Well, I wanna drive it all night long.”

“Through all these cities and all these towns. It's in my blood, and it's all around. I love you now like I loved you then. This is the road, and these are the hands. From Mozambique to those Memphis nights. The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights. Knock me down and back up again. You're in my blood, I'm not a lonely man.” I started singing alongside. She pretended to drive McQueen up in the air until she had to cough into my shirt, never dropping the smile on her little face.

We had finished the whole movie now watching the movie credits until the song came back on so I pulled my daughter up to her seeing that she was feeling better when I gave her chicken soup. “There's no load I can't hold. A road so rough, this I know. I'll be there when the light comes in. Just tell 'em we're survivors. Life is a highway. I wanna ride it all night long (whoo!). If you're goin' my way. I wanna drive it all night long (all night long)” Unknown to us Georgie had returned with Evelyn who ran over to join in our little dance party in the living room. Georgie took my hand in his holding Aurora’s other hand before the four of us were dancing around the apartment.

Georgie jumped out of the truck rushing inside the hospital waiting room coming outside with a nurse and a wheelchair helping me into it. Death gripping the handles I threw my head back seeing that he was walking right beside us while we found a room. “Georgie…”

“I'm right here, honey.” He squeezed my hand in his unit and we got inside a room where he lifted me bridal style onto the bed. He moved his hand up pushing hair from my eyes once I was laying down.

The doctor came inside the room not really sure of what to tell us since the history of my other pregnancies wasn’t in their system. They were back in our home town and it would take time before they would be sent over. “Mrs. Cooper, I have contacted your local hospital and we are waiting on the history records. But we will check your blood pleasure and everything that we can now.”

“What is that look for….what’s wrong please tell us?” A nurse put a finger reader on my left hand seeing that oxygen was normal along with everything else. But I saw concerns cross her face making me grip my husband’s hand tightly.

She called over her shoulder rushing out into the hallway. “Doctor, we have to tell them now!”

“Mr and Mrs. Copper, I hate to tell you this but the baby is currently in distress. According to the X-ray we did, the umbilical cord is wrapping around the baby, so we are going to have to rush you into surgery for a c-section.” The doctor entered the room again where I covered my mouth thinking I might puke from how bad that sounded.

Georgie lifted his head up trying to process what he just said. “Can you give us a minute alone, really quick. I need to be with her.” The doctor shut the door leaving us alone.

“Georgie, it’s happening just like when we had Rora. I mean what are we going to do... I’m scared.” I whispered wrapping my arms around him where he pulled me in for a short hug.

He broke the embrace resting a hand to my cheek while I was crying at the thought. I didn’t want to lose this baby considering I was so confident that it was a boy. I had also not lost a baby yet. “Hey look at me Y/n. You are going to get through this you hear me. You are the strongest person I know so we are going to have this beautiful baby inside you, I love you,”

“I love you too, Georgie.” I croaked out in tears wrapping my arms around him once more hearing the nurses come back and roll me back into surgery. I had no clue how long it had been by the time I woke up but I squinted my eyes open seeing that I was back in another hospital room. I had an iv in my left hand before I lifted up the blanket noticing that my stomach was no longer big like it was when I came in here.

The door got pushed open where I moaned attempting to sit up seeing Georgie bolt over to my bedside crying happy tears. “Thank god Y/n…I was so worried when they kept you in there longer than I cared for.”

“Oh Georgie…” Wrapping my arms around his neck I winced where I had to lay back down feeling some slight pain in my back and in between my legs. “Georgie, where's the baby. What happened during the surgery?”

He broke the hug sitting in the chair at my bedside making me shiver at his silence. That wasn’t a good sign where I stiffened my back against the pillows. I knew if we lost the baby I would feel so bad. “You can’t see him yet but he made it. I uh - named him while you were still asleep.”

“It’s actually a boy. What’s…his name?” Covering my mouth with my hands I started sobbing happily.

Georgie intertwined my hands with his smiling up at me. “Montana George Cooper.”

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