#and I’ve been getting Brazilian blowouts for my hair for just over a year now and it makes it so sleek and smooth and professional

[babyboywilson]

hiiii your local girlboy coming in hot to say ‘new hair new me’! just recolored my hair and decided to finally get bangs and I love it 🧡

[jemej3m]

leisuring

directly caused by by @mini-minish​‘s andrew in jenna marble’s leisuring suit, i present to you this:

a stupid short fic where andrew is jenna and neil is julien

(based loosely on her videos i want to be tall, i try hot glue crafts, cooking vegan thanksgiving food, giving my boyfriend acrylic nails and how many balloons does it take to lift my dog off the floor and maybe a few others)

*

Andrew frowned at the video. He almost ignored it: He ignored a lot of things on the internet, except for the video suggestions that truly stuck with him. And Neil’s texts.

Even then, sometimes he found himself so lost that spiral that was the internet that even Neil didn’t draw him out.

He’d seen shit like this all over the place already: Shane Dawson, all those pathetic beauty gurus, where edits brought their best (worst?) moments all together for a ten minute long shitshow.

And here was Andrew’s ten minute long shit show. Appropriately titled “andrew and neil annoying each other for ten minutes straight”, it was posted by some random person. Nicko. Weird.

Andrew almost didn’t click on it. Almost.

Then he did, and it unfolded like this:

*

“Andrew,” Neil said, exasperated. “What are you doing.”

Andrew was sat in a dark corner of the house, playing the electronic keyboard. It had a choral overlay, like a church choir was humming along to him. He said: “I want to be tall.”

Neil snorted. “Neither of us have grown since sixth grade.”

He played another chord. “I want to grow a whole eight inches, Neil.”

Neil arched an eyebrow, holding the camera in front of his chest. Andrew looked up at him instead. “You want to grow a whole eight inches.”

“Then I will be average height.” He played his third and final chord. “I want to be tall.”

Neil sighed. “Fine. Come on.”

*

cut screen

[andrew and neil annoying each other for ten minutes straight]

*

“Neil.” Andrew leaned into the study, where Neil was curled into a ball with a hood drawn over his head. He probably had woken up at six-am to go for a jog and hadn’t bothered to shower since, considering Neil was disgusting and nothing Andrew did would ever change that.

Neil looked up from the computer screen and immediately frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that.”

Andrew thought he was looking pretty dead-pan. Fuck Neil for being able to see right through him. “How would you feel - ”

Neil put his head in his hands. “Give me the sweet release of death already.”

“- about me giving you a full set of acrylic nails.”

Neil’s head dropped to the desktop with a loud bang.

*

“Neil.” Andrew snapped. “Neil. Quit that. You’re making a mess.”

“It’s fine.” Neil grinned, flipping a glass bowl and snatching it mid-air with his hand. The camera zoomed into Andrew’s eye twitching, every time Neil threw and caught that infernal bowl. “It’s fine. What’s wrong? Everything’s fine.”

“I fucking hate you.” Andrew growled.

*

“How many times did we have to go back to Party City to get these balloons?” Andrew wondered aloud.

“Six times.” Neil informed him, looking at how his cat (Sir, not King - King was way too hyperactive) was relaxing about three metres above the ground. She was suspended with seventy-two helium balloons, because Andrew wanted to know how many balloons it took to lift their small cat.

“She’s sleeping, ‘Drew.” Neil murmured grinning behind his hand. “Oh my god, she’s so relaxed. She’s sleeping.”

“It’s because King can’t reach her, and thus, can’t taunt her or wake her up.” Andrew looked at the dozens of balloons that now filled their living room with satisfaction. “It’ll be her safe space.”

Neil slung his arm around Andrew’s shoulders, still filming as their cat spun meaninglessly through the air.

*

“Ow!” Neil hissed, inspecting his now inch-and-a-half long acrylic nails. “Ow. What the fuck. What the fuck!”

“Calm down.” Andrew berated him, finishing the acrylic on his second last nail. “You’re being a wuss.”

“I want these off, now.” Neil moaned.

“Well, I don’t have pure acetone, so we’ll see if we can get them off at all.”

“Wait, what?” Neil yelped, glaring at Andrew. He widened his eyes. “What?”

*

“I’m going to give you a Brazilian Blowout.” Andrew menacingly waved his hairdryer around. “You’ll look like you’re compensating for a lack of an emo-phase in your teenage years.”

Neil grinned up at him from where he was sitting. “You never moved on from that phase, did you?”

Andrew almost stabbed him with the hairbrush. “I’m compensating for you.”

Neil settled into the chair. “Do what you want. Just don’t bring the FBI running.”

Andrew snorted.

*

Andrew walked out from the corridor in eight-inch heels, hair sprayed upright.

“Oh, damn.” Neil said, softly, looking at the leather boots and purple trousers that were tight around his thighs.

“Keep it in your pants, Josten.” Andrew said snipily. “Eyes are up here.”

“Don’t worry,” Neil grinned, craning his neck up to look at him. “That orange jacket is really turning me off.”

*

Andrew stared dead into the camera with a hat made out of hot glue to his head. The camera zoomed in. He slowly help up a different piece of hot glue.

“See, Five-Minute-Crafts? I can create random shit out of hot glue, too.”

It read fuck you.

*

“Neil, that’s too much cinnamon.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Neil.”

“Yes?”

“I fucking hate you.”

*

“I’m angry.” Andrew said.

“Well, no shit.” Neil remarked. “You just spent six hours making a chair out of jeans, with nothing but staples to put it together.” He threaded his fingers through Andrew’s hair as his boyfriend looked up at him in misery. “It’s completely rational.”

*

“Should we bring her down?” Neil whispered. Sir hadn’t woken up from where she was napping, mid-air.

“Why are you whispering.” Andrew said flatly.

“She’s asleep. Don’t wanna be rude.”

“It’s a cat floating in midair. Somehow, I don’t think it cares.”

*

Andrew slowly turned his face towards Neil as he glittered with rhinestones. He’d never felt more itchy in his life, and he’d put on a hundred layers of fake eyelashes once.

“Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass,” Andrew winked at him and Neil grinned. “Smash.”

*

Neil stabbed a banana with his terrifyingly long nails and grinned at Andrew as disgusting banana goop got stuck under his nails. Andrew wanted to retch.

Then he bent down and tried to feed it from the cats, and Andrew hated his boyfriend so much.

*

“Are you satisfied, now?” Neil looked up at Andrew, who was a little unsteady in these eight-inch boots. His head hurt with the amount of hairspray they’d used to stand his hair up, even though his hair wasn’t even that long.

“This is now my permanent state.” Andrew replied.

Neil rolled his eyes.

*

“Guess who’s man isn’t here to be the idiot?” Andrew pointed at himself. “My man. Guess who’s going to compensate for Neil’s idiocy by dyeing his hair bright red?” He pointed at himself. “This bitch.”

*

“Neil.” Andrew said, voice on the absolute edge of losing it. Neil fucking threw a piece of cannoli dough into the deep fryer, getting hot oil everywhere. “If you’re going to go and be a tornado all through the kitchen, then fucking tornado your way out to the living room.”

Neil coughed in his ear on purpose, and Andrew grabbed him by the sleeve.

“Aw,” Neil was laughing too hard to be taking Andrew serious. “You’re no fun!”

Andrew shoved him onto the couch. “Stay there till the deep fryer is off.”

*

Andrew gazed out the window. “The sun has set since I started doing this.” He then turned, gazing straight into the camera. “The sun’s setting on the opportunity for me to do something with my life.

*

Sir lazed on the chair that Andrew sat beside, reading out the mean comments that the internet had spared her. She was the ‘dead’ one, an old cat who barely moved or even blinked, whilst King was the more challenged one, to say the least.

“Oh, look.” Andrew said icily. “It’s a comment from Allison Reynolds herself. Keep talking up your cats, Reynolds. We all know they can’t manage anything more than purely aesthetic function, just like yourself.”

Neil whistled lowly. “Not sure your best friend would appreciate you calling her girlfriend a trophy wife.”

“Is that not what Reynolds is?” Andrew snorted. “My mistake.”

*

Neil made kissy noises. “You lookin’ like a snack.”

Andrew brandished a kitchen knife. “Say that again, I dare you.”

Neil just grinned and mouthed love you.

*

cut screen

[thx for watching]

*

Andrew slapped his laptop closed.

“Neil,” He called over his shoulder. “I’m quitting Youtube.”

His boyfriend leaned over the back of the couch to loop his arms around Andrew’s shoulders and press kisses to his cheeks. “Uhuh. Because I’ve never heard you say that before.”

Andrew grumbled, grabbing Neil by the arms and throwing him over the back of the couch. He partially landed in Andrew’s lap.

“I’ve been jiu-jitsed!” Neil rolled off the couch with a melodramatic thud. “It’s all over. Tell my father I love him!”

“He’s dead and you hate him.” Andrew said flatly. Neil grinned up at him.

“You know me so well.” He sunk into the couch beside Andrew, curling into a ball against his side. “Will you show me this video of us?”

Andrew sighed, opening his laptop. He let himself droop his head down to Neil’s shoulder, somewhat nuzzling into the familiar scent of his shirt.

He’d quit another day.

*

thx for readin lmao

[mytherapistsays-blog]

Beat The Sunday Scaries With These Bath Products

Beat The Sunday Scaries With These Bath Products ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/beat-the-sunday-scaries-with-these-bath-products/

HOW TO MAKE YOUR BATHROOM ZEN AF

In the midst of scrolling through your phone and being accosted with a bevy of bad choices and wrong turns you decided to make and take last night, the Sunday Scaries creep up on you. There’s really nothing you can do about the “sexy” (repulsive) photos you sent to make your ex jealous, incoherent texts to explain yourself to your friends, or the dancing that you thought made you look like Brit Brit in I’m a Slave 4 u. You know very well the only thing enslaving you last night was Patron.

The only thing to do now is to delude yourself in an atmosphere of serenity, beauty, and bath salts. You light up that amber rose scented candle, pour open the Chianti, and pretend that last night was merely an inception like dream in which you were a victim

Click on the obnoxiously large photos for more info.

HERBIVORE COCO ROSE BODY POLISH

This exfoliating body scrub feels so therapeutic- the pink clay is perfect for detoxifying your skin after a weekend of one too many tequila shots. And what problem does coconut oil not solve? Dry skin? Coconut oil. Frizzy hair? Coconut oil. Boyfriend acting up? Coconut oil. *pours coconut oil over entire life*

THE ORGANIC PHARMACY SKIN BRUSH

Weekends tend to be cheat days for me- no calorie gets left behind. So come Sunday I do my dry brushing routine which helps with lymphatic drainage, increased circulation, and removing dreaded cellulite. Dry brushing may be painful af at first, but it’s worth it. Anything I can do that can make my body look better without having to go to the gym- sign me up.

FUR OIL

Yes, I am telling you to use $44 pubic hair oil because it’s 2018 and nobody wants painful ingrown hairs. Not you or your manzz. Enough said.

GOOP THE BEDTIME BATH SOAK

I’m pretty much always on the verge of an emotional breakdown so I like to always have this detox bath soak on hand. The soak includes premium Epsom and sea salts; an array of botanicals including valerian, passionflower and hops; and essential oils including sandalwood, lavender and spikenard. A Valerian soak that calm me the F down after a crazy week and helps me sleep? Dear god, living in LA really has rubbed off on me. But for realsies, this stuff keeps me from being put on a 5150.

HARPER + ARI EXFOLIATING SUGAR CUBES

Another exfoliating product that smells like dessert. These little cubes are perfect for travel because just one cube is large enough to exfoliate your entire body. I already overpack like 9843985 outfits when I travel so I try to keep my toiletries on the lighter side.

SOL DE JANEIRO BRAZILIAN 4 PLAY MOISTURIZING SHOWER CREAM GEL

This shower gel smells divine- I literally feel like I’m whisked away to a brazilian beach every time I use it and it’s antioxidant rich so it leaves you feeling incredibly smooth.

LIVING PROOF FULL SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER

My go-to shampoo and conditioner if I want that Victoria Secret model voluminous blowout look. Also, Jennifer Aniston was the spokeswoman and involved in the creation of products, so you too can look like Jenny with the good hair.

  ORIBE SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER FOR BEAUTIFUL COLOR

Great for keeping color treated hair vibrant and fresh. Invest in quality shampoo and conditioner, not just the balayage.

THE GOLD MASK – STARSKIN VIP FACE MASK

Finally a face mask that can take off the 10 Lindsay Lohan years I added to my face partying this weekend. This face mask energizes, brightens and tightens so say goodbye to tired, puffy skin. It’s basically a luxurious at home facial. The only thing more extra than me are my face masks.

AMAZON BATHTUB CADDY

Because it’s not a real bath without a good glass of wine, a book, a candle and my cellphone and I need a place to put that shit.

WHAT’S A BATH WITHOUT A CANDLE?

Now that I’m past 25 my hangovers last like 3 years so the only thing getting lit tonight is my scented candle. (Shhhh the wine doesn’t count) My fave Diptyque roses candle smells heavenly and sets a chill mood. In an attempt to make it look like I have my shit together, I have them all over my apartment. So chic.

LAURA MERCIER AMBRE VANILLE CREME BODY SOUFFLE

Now that you’ve had a relaxing bath, treat yo self to this Laura Mercier body creme that will lock in moisture and keep your skin soft and supple. Literally every time I use it I get complimented that I smell delicious. You’re welcome.

FUZZY BATHROBE

As someone who has become a self-proclaimed robe connoisseur, (I usually can’t be bothered with clothes) this robe is by far the comfiest. It’s the perfect soft robe to lie in for 3 hours after the bath, scrolling insta and lying to your friends that you’re “on your way”. Def a lazy girl staple. Plus it comes in millennial pink (and 2 other colours) so like obvs I had to have it. Now go on and live your best life. Trust me after using all these bath products you’ll be like Monday? Susan? I don’t know her.

  A Book that I can’t put down:

Podcast Reco:

If you’re not in the mood to read, then we suggest enriching your minds with this amazing podcast. I’ve been listening to The History Chicks forever, and would like to thank them for helping me sound v smart on dates.

Last but not least, our wine recos:

Chateau Miraval Rosé

Santa Margherita

[honeyofthestars-blog]

My Experience with the Toxic Beauty Standards of the Brazilian Community

Every time, without fail, that I tell an uber driver of mine that I’m Brazilian, it goes one of three ways

1. But you look so white ???

2. Oh, I really want to go to Brazil, I’ve heard it’s really pretty, especially Rio

3. Brazilian women are the most beautiful women on the planet (or something like that)

Number three is by far the most common. They don’t even say anything about me, someone who is clearly not the image of Brazilian beauty, they just rave on about how Brazilian women are clearly the definition of beauty. I’ve heard comments similar to these my entire life, and I always thought it was just a stereotype since I knew plenty of Brazilian women who clearly didn’t look like supermodels, including myself. 

Recently, I’ve been paying particular attention to the things I’ve always  experienced that I once thought were normal. Here’s a list:

Watching domingao do faustao every sunday growing up and noticing that the dancers literally just stand in the back and smile and dance whenever there’s music on. They all have similar body types: very slim waists, no belly, and plump buttocks. Lots of shows have background dancers, don’t get me wrong, but nothing like this. Nothing like these women whose sole jobs are to stand there and look pretty in very small and revealing outfits whenever they’re not actually dancing.

Brazilian Butt Lifts: the plastic surgery is literally named after Brazilian Booties because they’re widely known in the media to be very large. What’s worse is that these standards are perpetuated by Brazilians themselves when they host competitions like Miss bumbum and bring women like “A mulher melancia” onto all their daytime television shows. 

Brazilian Blowout/ chemical hair treatments: This one hits close to home. I didn’t know my hair was curly until I was 12 years old and I went to my friend’s house and we were playing in her pool in the backyard and I didn’t immediately blow dry my hair like I usually do, but instead, I let it dry naturally for the first time since I was a child. The only thing I knew how to do with my hair was let my mom blow dry it, brush it, and sometimes put it in braids after washing it so I can look like Hermione Granger. When I was a sophomore in college, just starting my 4th semester, my mother brought me to a salon and told me I would be getting a hydrating cream treatment in my hair because it was dry from having been bleached. What actually happened was that my hair got chemically straightened and it was only supposed to last around 8 months. I only really started gaining curls in my hair again recently, and I’m about to graduate in 2 months.

Brazilian Waxing: The first time I shaved my legs, I was 19 years old, and it was only because I could no longer afford to get them waxed. I’m still highly self conscious about body hair and I make a personal choice to remove it, but sometimes I wonder if I would have had a different perception of body hair if I had not been taught to wax it all off when I was 12 years old.

Body Standards: We talked about this a little bit when talking about the dancers and the butt lifts, but I think it deserves its own bucket. My family is constantly hounding me about how I need to lose weight for my health, when I’m perfectly healthy. Of course I want to eat healthy foods, go to the gym, and be healthier than I am now, and of course I would love to be thinner than I am now, I think most people would. What I’m trying to get at is that it’s not like I’m unhealthy at the moment with my current lifestyle, and as much as I appreciate their concerns, every time they bring it up, it’s more of an indirect way for them to tell me that I look fat. Every time my family buys me clothes (unless it’s my mother, because she knows me well), it’s much larger than me, because I know that in their eyes, I’m much bigger than I actually am. I look at pictures of myself from a few years ago, and I’m honestly SHOCKED at how thin I was, because I don’t remember ever looking at myself in the mirror and seeing how thin I was (I was never super skinny, but comparatively to now, it’s very different). I was at my thinnest when my grandmother was telling me that I looked like a round cabbage in my junior prom dress. 

Vanity: It wasn’t until this word was used in English in an American context that I viewed it negatively. When I was growing up, this was something I was always told to have. “You need to take care of your appearance, have vanity.” I saw my grandma last week after not seeing her for a while. I had just gotten back from lunch, and I thought I actually looked really nice. I had put some new products in my hair to make it behave, I was wearing a new dress, and I really liked my new glasses as well. The first thing she said to me was “Why don’t you have any lipstick on.” My mother also called out that I wasn’t wearing any earrings.

Mental Health: Going back to the conversation we started in body standards. My family is constantly claiming that I need to take care of my health (when none of them go to the gym ever, and I eat the same food as they do because they’re the ones who make it when I’m home, and I try to eat the way I’ve been taught when I’m away at college. They’re convinced, however, that all I eat is junk food, but this is besides the point). I live with my mother’s side of the family because my parents divorced a while ago and he still lives in Brazil. My father’s family has a long, long history of mental health illnesses including schizophrenia, addiction, and depression. Whenever I try to approach my family about my growing anxiety, they assume I’m being over dramatic and I just need to take some time to meditate and go to the gym to “work off my frustrations.” There is no effort made to understand what I’m actually going through, and to this day, I have still not seen a professional about my constant anxiety.

I love my family, I really do. They’re usually very supportive of me and my goals (we’ll talk about gender roles in a future post). I know they want the best for me, and I know that everything they do is out of love. I also recognize that they are a product of the society that they grew up in, and they don’t see how these beauty standards are so toxic and damaging, especially for a little girl that is taught her entire life that she needs to meet all of these unrealistic expectations. This was a long post, and I’m sure there’s much, much more that I missed, like the racism that exists within the Brazilian community, especially around beauty standards, but we’ll get to that in the future.

[sewgeekmama]

This week I got to try out a Brazilian Blowout, went to see Cher, we finally made some progress on our backyard deck project and Utama Spice sent me an aromatherapy diffuser to enhance the atmosphere of my workspace.

Week in Review: January 20 – 27

I got a Brazilian Blowout! I previously posted about how pregnancy completely changed my hair texture into some kind of unmanageable curly/wavy/frizzy mop, so I was pretty excited to learn about the Brazilian Blowout technique, which is supposed to tame frizzy wavy hair like mine. It is not supposed to make hair pin-straight, just cut frizz and tame down the curls a bit to make it easy to dry and style. They say it cuts drying time in half.

The Before

Brazilian Blowout

It’s quite the process! I’ll be writing a full blog post about the whole thing after I’ve had some time to test out how it does afterwards and how it holds up. Of course it looked great right afterwards! So the true test for me will be how it looks when it dries naturally and how well it holds up. I had it done at the LulaMae salon by Georjie Odom. You can find her on Instagram at HairByGeorjie.

The After!

We added a few curls back

We saw Cher on her Here We Go Again Tour at the Veterans Memorial Arena on Wednesday. At 72 she still looks amazing and puts on a great show. I was a little surprised she sang so many cover songs though! I found out later she had put out an entire album of Abba covers. It was pretty cool the way the stage and the costumes changed every few songs. She did a great intro monologue about how much she loved what she was doing, and about dressing up and still getting out there on stage at her age. She ended it with “What’s YOUR grammy doing tonight?,” and the crowd erupted in thunderous applause.

Backyard progress! After having french doors that just opened onto a ledge for over a year, we are finally getting our upper deck built. My husband, a friend and a neighbor are all pitching in to get it done. I’ve been doing my part by looking out the window and supervising. Also taking and photos and saying “Looks good!” Somebody’s got to do that, right? A neighbor left a neat wooden sun piece from a window frame in our trash pile a while back and I saved it to use in the railing. We are staining the railing a dark teak color to match it. And by “we,” I mostly mean my husband, lol.

* Edit– After writing that, I though, Hey…I should get my butt out there and help a little. So here it is- proof I helped stain the deck:

And now for this week’s Sponsor Product – Utama Spice

I used to be very into essential oils and have always kept a few particularly useful ones around, like tea tree and lavender. I’ve been seeing a lot of diffusers around at businesses and kid places and have been wanting one for myself, so I was happy to try this pretty Nebulizing Aromatherapy Diffuser by Utama Spice. The style I got is the Danau Satu, and they sent me the Clearing oil to go with it.

I set it up next to my desk, put a little oil in through the top and switched it on. The diffuser uses only pressurized air to disperse the oil, so there’s no heat or water vapor involved, just pure essential oil.

The diffuser disperses the oil at timed intervals, and you can also adjust the amount being dispersed with the dial. I wrote about using the aromatherapy diffuser in a bit more detail on my other blog, and also included a link there on how to clean it.

Sitting down at my desk and switching on the Danau Satu has become part of my writing ritual. My next step is to find a good Inspiration oil!

You can purchase Utama Spice on their website & Amazon, and find them on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram

What’s up next week: I’m finally getting my much needed spa day on Monday!

Week in Review: A Brazilian Blowout, Cher Live, Renovation Progress and Utama Spice This week I got to try out a Brazilian Blowout, went to see Cher, we finally made some progress on our backyard deck project and Utama Spice sent me an aromatherapy diffuser to enhance the atmosphere of my workspace.

[mytherapistsays-blog]

Beat The Sunday Scaries With These Bath Products

Beat The Sunday Scaries With These Bath Products ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/beat-the-sunday-scaries-with-these-bath-products/

HOW TO MAKE YOUR BATHROOM ZEN AF

In the midst of scrolling through your phone and being accosted with a bevy of bad choices and wrong turns you decided to make and take last night, the Sunday Scaries creep up on you. There’s really nothing you can do about the “sexy” (repulsive) photos you sent to make your ex jealous, incoherent texts to explain yourself to your friends, or the dancing that you thought made you look like Brit Brit in I’m a Slave 4 u. You know very well the only thing enslaving you last night was Patron.

The only thing to do now is to delude yourself in an atmosphere of serenity, beauty, and bath salts. You light up that amber rose scented candle, pour open the Chianti, and pretend that last night was merely an inception like dream in which you were a victim

Click on the obnoxiously large photos for more info.

HERBIVORE COCO ROSE BODY POLISH

This exfoliating body scrub feels so therapeutic- the pink clay is perfect for detoxifying your skin after a weekend of one too many tequila shots. And what problem does coconut oil not solve? Dry skin? Coconut oil. Frizzy hair? Coconut oil. Boyfriend acting up? Coconut oil. *pours coconut oil over entire life*

THE ORGANIC PHARMACY SKIN BRUSH

Weekends tend to be cheat days for me- no calorie gets left behind. So come Sunday I do my dry brushing routine which helps with lymphatic drainage, increased circulation, and removing dreaded cellulite. Dry brushing may be painful af at first, but it’s worth it. Anything I can do that can make my body look better without having to go to the gym- sign me up.

FUR OIL

Yes, I am telling you to use $44 pubic hair oil because it’s 2018 and nobody wants painful ingrown hairs. Not you or your manzz. Enough said.

GOOP THE BEDTIME BATH SOAK

I’m pretty much always on the verge of an emotional breakdown so I like to always have this detox bath soak on hand. The soak includes premium Epsom and sea salts; an array of botanicals including valerian, passionflower and hops; and essential oils including sandalwood, lavender and spikenard. A Valerian soak that calm me the F down after a crazy week and helps me sleep? Dear god, living in LA really has rubbed off on me. But for realsies, this stuff keeps me from being put on a 5150.

HARPER + ARI EXFOLIATING SUGAR CUBES

Another exfoliating product that smells like dessert. These little cubes are perfect for travel because just one cube is large enough to exfoliate your entire body. I already overpack like 9843985 outfits when I travel so I try to keep my toiletries on the lighter side.

SOL DE JANEIRO BRAZILIAN 4 PLAY MOISTURIZING SHOWER CREAM GEL

This shower gel smells divine- I literally feel like I’m whisked away to a brazilian beach every time I use it and it’s antioxidant rich so it leaves you feeling incredibly smooth.

LIVING PROOF FULL SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER

My go-to shampoo and conditioner if I want that Victoria Secret model voluminous blowout look. Also, Jennifer Aniston was the spokeswoman and involved in the creation of products, so you too can look like Jenny with the good hair.

  ORIBE SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER FOR BEAUTIFUL COLOR

Great for keeping color treated hair vibrant and fresh. Invest in quality shampoo and conditioner, not just the balayage.

THE GOLD MASK – STARSKIN VIP FACE MASK

Finally a face mask that can take off the 10 Lindsay Lohan years I added to my face partying this weekend. This face mask energizes, brightens and tightens so say goodbye to tired, puffy skin. It’s basically a luxurious at home facial. The only thing more extra than me are my face masks.

AMAZON BATHTUB CADDY

Because it’s not a real bath without a good glass of wine, a book, a candle and my cellphone and I need a place to put that shit.

WHAT’S A BATH WITHOUT A CANDLE?

Now that I’m past 25 my hangovers last like 3 years so the only thing getting lit tonight is my scented candle. (Shhhh the wine doesn’t count) My fave Diptyque roses candle smells heavenly and sets a chill mood. In an attempt to make it look like I have my shit together, I have them all over my apartment. So chic.

LAURA MERCIER AMBRE VANILLE CREME BODY SOUFFLE

Now that you’ve had a relaxing bath, treat yo self to this Laura Mercier body creme that will lock in moisture and keep your skin soft and supple. Literally every time I use it I get complimented that I smell delicious. You’re welcome.

FUZZY BATHROBE

As someone who has become a self-proclaimed robe connoisseur, (I usually can’t be bothered with clothes) this robe is by far the comfiest. It’s the perfect soft robe to lie in for 3 hours after the bath, scrolling insta and lying to your friends that you’re “on your way”. Def a lazy girl staple. Plus it comes in millennial pink (and 2 other colours) so like obvs I had to have it. Now go on and live your best life. Trust me after using all these bath products you’ll be like Monday? Susan? I don’t know her.

  A Book that I can’t put down:

Podcast Reco:

If you’re not in the mood to read, then we suggest enriching your minds with this amazing podcast. I’ve been listening to The History Chicks forever, and would like to thank them for helping me sound v smart on dates.

Last but not least, our wine recos:

Chateau Miraval Rosé

Santa Margherita