#but I used this phrase as an example and think this might be it I'm gonna have to give up my other 5 sessions /j
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Ep 11 of my Utena fansub is out (sorry for the wait!)
だめだめ。そんな味気ないお昼じゃ、つまんないでしょ?
No, no. Don't eat that, it's just packaged junk.
This line when literally translated is actually closer to “a tasteless lunch like that is boring, don’t you think?”. However, つまらない is more versatile than the English “boring”, and it can also kind of mean “not very good”. Plus, I can’t imagine a middle schooler like Wakaba saying “tasteless”. I tried rephrasing the whole line in a way that would make sense being spoken by a kid who’s trying hard to be an adult.
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基本はレトルトだけどフォルムが超プリティーでしょ?
It's mostly pre-made ingredients, but doesn't it look super pretty?
This line took me AGES to hear correctly. I had to write it down as I heard it to make out all the words, and even then I still had no idea what レトルト (retoruto) meant.
Crazy! I’ve used and seen these in Japanese grocery stores my whole life and never known they had a proper name.
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俺なら君をここから出さないな。永遠に。
If it were up to me, I’d keep you here… for eternity.
If it weren’t for the pause, I think I might have translated this line as “If it were up to me, I’d never let you out of here.” However, I think I like that I was forced to work around the pause, because it made me think about how I could end the sentence with “eternity” while still phrasing it in a natural way. The Japanese version of the line works as a complete sentence without the last word addition, which I kind of wanted to keep in the translation (cause then the ETERNITY has more of a gut punch), but I think I did the best I could given the constraints.
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そうだ。僕が姫宮を守らなければ。僕なら姫宮を普通の女の子に戻すことができるんだ。他のやつに渡すわけいけない。たとえ、僕の王子様であろうと。
That's it. I have to protect her. I'm the only one who can help her get back to normal. I won't let anyone else take her. Not even my own prince.
I think it’s important with these lines to start to show how Utena’s well-intentioned chivalry is warping into something that resembles the attitudes of the student council. Here Utena is showing that they can be possessive like Saionji, self-important like Miki, and ruthless like Juri.
I love this, and Akio’s round up of the duels in the next episode makes me think about it more - I think that Revolutionary Girl Utena is all about competing 世界観 (views of the world). I like the duels as a metaphor for philosophical debates. In this episode, the negative influences of the other duelists’ worldviews on Utena’s naive and righteous view of the world starts to really show. I think that the text intentionally shows this change right before Utena’s first loss to signify that this change is a weakening, a corruption, and that their previous worldview was “better” (for lack of a better word).
This is a bit of a tangent but I also think that the times when Utena is led down paths of heteronormativity and normative forms of gender are when they are shown to be weakest in-universe. This episode is a perfect example. Utena commits to two normative ideas - 1. being heteronormatively enamoured with Touga, and 2. the idea that Anthy, a feminine girl, can’t do anything herself and needs a masculine hand to help her and protect her.
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Thanks as always to @dontbe-lasanya for their editing!
Follow the blog if you'd like to keep updated with new releases! All previous episodes are here:
#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#sku#shoujo kakumei utena#utena#utena fansub#translation#japanese#japanese language#langblr#official blog post
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the "big picture" - whether that refers to some detached, calculated greater good; ruthless ambition and progress for the sake of progress; or even the dear listeners' cosmic indifference - as an antagonistic force in wolf 359 is so fascinating to me because of the way eiffel as a protagonist is set up to oppose it, just by nature of who he is. eiffel retains his humanity even under the most inhumane circumstances. his strength is in connection, and with that he's able to reach others who share his core values, but he's operating under a fundamentally different framework from the show's antagonists. he can never understand where they're coming from or be swayed by their points of view because, for better or worse, he can only see the world through a close personal lens.
it's an ideological conflict he has with all of them, but notably with hilbert: "you talk about helping people, but what about the real, live people around you? [...] that's your problem. you're so zoomed out." eiffel will never, ever see that "big picture" because he is so zoomed in. at his best, he puts things into perspective and grounds the people around him. at his worst, his perspective narrows so drastically inwards that he becomes blind to everyone and everything else. his failings are deeply, tragically human - they're personal, they're impulsive, they're self-destructive. they're selfish. no matter how much he might try to narrativize or escape from himself, he's still left with doug eiffel: "it's taken me this long to realize that running from everyone else means that you're alone with yourself." eiffel could never be convinced to harm others on purpose, but he has hurt people, and it's never been because he didn't care. the very fact that he cares so much, that he's incapable of reconciling the hurt he's caused with the things he values, is what keeps him from real growth for so long. where many of the other characters in wolf 359 will justify their cruelty in service of something they consider more important, eiffel is so caught up in vilifying himself and the fear that he's always going to harm the people he cares for without meaning to that he shuts himself off from the people who care about him and perpetuates his own self-fulfilling prophecy.
#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#someday i'll finish my essay about the big picture as an antagonistic force. it's only been on my list of things to do for uh. ever#eiffel really cannot be convinced by Big Picture ideology in any form because he's so. unambitious and inwardly focused#he's not self-reflective at ALL but he is self-centered#and in some ways that's genuinely a good thing#but it's interesting. that he vilifies himself and tries so hard to. externalize his redemption and see some humanity in others#as proof he might be able to be better. when if those people consider themselves villains at all then they consider it necessary#i'm not sure if i'm phrasing this the way i want to but his worldview is just. fundamentally incompatible.#when i think about eiffel i think a lot about. how self-loathing is also a kind of exceptionalism. considering yourself uniquely bad#is its own way of avoiding accountability.#idk. it's complicated. it's a lot. it's interesting that lovelace talks about the 'big picture' when she's briefly a sort-of antagonist#but her 'big picture' is personal and emotionally driven in a way no other use of the phrase is#and then of course you have hera in am i alone now. such a big big universe etc.#when she betrays that perspective immediately and directly by talking about it through such a narrow personal framework#one of the most direct examples of 'big picture' thinking vs. personal connection in that contradiction. but that's another post maybe.
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Told my religious trauma coach that my gender is "a 1930's orphan boy selling newspapers" I think I might have to go back to Jesus after this one lads
#/j#We had a good talk about how christianity doesn't have genders it has jobs#And how I wanted agency but feel like I have to fully be a Man to avoid being punished by the current legislature being passed#I feel more dysphoric and part of it stems from feeling like I'm being observed again like I was as a little girl#Being told that people would be looking at my body and it was my job to make it acceptable to others#Now I'm transmasc so there's a weird pressure to become Manly Man Now or else I'll be stuck#Maybe I can relax but first I need top surgery and 3 years of T (i'm at 2.5 years and have a consultation call)#Then I can enjoy gender. Then Im free#But I can't because I'm not a man either. Ill feel better with top surgery and whatnot but I don't feel solidly male#Ill just be restraining myself and observed from the other side#Anyways I was saying I wanted my gender to be personal and abstract#but I used this phrase as an example and think this might be it I'm gonna have to give up my other 5 sessions /j#I called myself a golden retriever and a newspaper orphan boy I can never show my face again#ex christian#religious trauma
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help i have such Opinions on translation now
#ok gonna preface this with saying that someone is translating for free and i KNOW that takes so much time and effort and love. and also ther#there are a lot of cultural and contextual footnotes that i really love and wouldn't have been able to figure out myself!#also it seems like the translator's native language is neither chinese NOR english so like. honestly that's really amazing.#so i still really respect what they're doing and am not gonna say anything identifying about this work (it's completely unrelated to tot)#but i've been reading a webnovel fan translation alongside its original chinese version and i guess i'm farther in the 'localization' camp#than i thought. bc this translation leans way too hard into the 'direct translation' of words and phrases and slang#and then with an added footnote explaining what it means. sometimes it's honestly kinda useful from the perspective of wanting to learn the#the language but i don't think it's the right translation choice because there can be several of these per chapter#and the vast majority are not at crucial significant moments when the loss in meaning outweighs the cost of breaking the story flow#and in one instance i saw (the final straw for me) it doesn't even make sense to translate the meaning of the chinese word directly#bc it's not the meaning that matters. the phrase originally came about as a loanword from japanese and a character with a similar pronunciat#pronunciation was used to represent the japanese syllable.#sure this is just one example of an internet slang word that many people might not even know the etymology of and maybe they DO think of the#the meaning of the word now! but still.#i have so many Thoughts now. on how translation is a constant game of balance and sacrifice where the set of 'rules' and expectations change#depending on genre and audience and intention and just individual person!#and -- most relevant to me i guess -- whether it is expected and/or preferrable for fan translations to veer on the side of direct
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An important message to college students: Why you shouldn't use ChatGPT or other "AI" to write papers.
Here's the thing: Unlike plagiarism, where I can always find the exact source a student used, it's difficult to impossible to prove that a student used ChatGPT to write their paper. Which means I have to grade it as though the student wrote it.
So if your professor can't prove it, why shouldn't you use it?
Well, first off, it doesn't write good papers. Grading them as if the student did write it themself, so far I've given GPT-enhanced papers two Ds and an F.
If you're unlucky enough to get a professor like me, they've designed their assignments to be hard to plagiarize, which means they'll also be hard to get "AI" to write well. To get a good paper out of ChatGPT for my class, you'd have to write a prompt that's so long, with so many specifics, that you might as well just write the paper yourself.
ChatGPT absolutely loves to make broad, vague statements about, for example, what topics a book covers. Sadly for my students, I ask for specific examples from the book, and it's not so good at that. Nor is it good at explaining exactly why that example is connected to a concept from class. To get a good paper out of it, you'd have to have already identified the concepts you want to discuss and the relevant examples, and quite honestly if you can do that it'll be easier to write your own paper than to coax ChatGPT to write a decent paper.
The second reason you shouldn't do it?
IT WILL PUT YOUR PROFESSOR IN A REALLY FUCKING BAD MOOD. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD I AM NOT GOING TO BE GENEROUS WITH MY GRADING.
I can't prove it's written by ChatGPT, but I can tell. It does not write like a college freshman. It writes like a professional copywriter churning out articles for a content farm. And much like a large language model, the more papers written by it I see, the better I get at identifying it, because it turns out there are certain phrases it really, really likes using.
Once I think you're using ChatGPT I will be extremely annoyed while I grade your paper. I will grade it as if you wrote it, but I will not grade it generously. I will not give you the benefit of the doubt if I'm not sure whether you understood a concept or not. I will not squint and try to understand how you thought two things are connected that I do not think are connected.
Moreover, I will continue to not feel generous when calculating your final grade for the class. Usually, if someone has been coming to class regularly all semester, turned things in on time, etc, then I might be willing to give them a tiny bit of help - round a 79.3% up to a B-, say. If you get a 79.3%, you will get your C+ and you'd better be thankful for it, because if you try to complain or claim you weren't using AI, I'll be letting the college's academic disciplinary committee decide what grade you should get.
Eventually my school will probably write actual guidelines for me to follow when I suspect use of AI, but for now, it's the wild west and it is in your best interest to avoid a showdown with me.
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Basic Tips to Improve Your Writing
I used to read a lot of unprofessional writing online, and through that endeavor, I started mentally compiling different qualities that turned me off to people's work right away. I'm sharing some of my thoughts about ways to improve your writing so others don't click off your work right away!
-Change paragraphs when different characters are speaking.
-In that same thread, remember to make new paragraphs and not have one giant block of text. This isn't only discouraging for some readers, but actually physically impossible to read for those who are visually impaired.
-Learn grammar. Sorry, but there is no way around this one. For example, commas aren't just for aesthetic appeal or your personal choice, and it will turn some readers away if your writing is littered with grammatical errors. You can't break the rules for creative purposes if you don't even know them, and the difference is generally apparent.
-Remember the narration style you've chosen. For example, if you're writing in third person limited, you can't think outside the mind of your main character. Don't jump suddenly to the thoughts of other characters or an all-knowing, omniscient voice.
-Slow down. Each word matters, so try not to think of writing as "I must get from Point A to Point B," but "I must get from Point A to Point B beautifully."
-Avoid repeating the same word or phrase too much, especially within the same paragraph. There are exceptions in dialogue, of course. (It's sweet when writers acquire their own personalized phrasings that mark their voice, but I have turned away from works where the exact same line just kept coming up again and again).
-Don't forget about setting. You might be able to imagine where your characters are, but no one else can if you don't let them know.
-Use a consistent verb tense.
-Your characters are not you and generally shouldn't always be mouthpieces for you to share your own values and thoughts.
-Your characters should sound distinctly different from each other, including their talking styles.
-Don't bog the reader down with too much description, and make sure the description you do have is realistic. Think about it. In the morning, do you wake up, go to the mirror, and think to yourself, "I looked at my shaggy dark hair and emerald green eyes"? Nobody thinks that way about their own appearance, and it feels like a forced way to let the reader know what the main character looks like.
-Also, related, there's no need to start tossing out every character trait for each character if it's not relevant to the story.
-Last, show some passion and excitement for your own work. Make sure the language embodies that passion because if you don't even care about your writing, who will?
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I get money, I am a star
How can you make more money? How can you attract abundance into your life?
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
How to choose a pile?
Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.
This is a general reading, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.
Masterlist 💌 paid services
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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT 🫶🏻❤️
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
PILE 1
You have a special ability to attract people, and that's because the way you see and understand life is very different from everyone else. I'm also getting the message that you can use your unique perspective and appearance to earn more money. For example, you could become a social media influencer or start your own blog where you share your opinions with others. You might even consider writing articles or books to share your knowledge, which could also help you earn more.
You have a talent or skill that could lead to great financial success. All you need to do is focus on developing it. This might seem like a random message, but I sense that some of you have hacking skills that could be used to catch online predators. You could make money while also doing something good for society, and you can do this without revealing your identity.
I also heard the phrase “secret superstar,” which might have special meaning for some of you.
You can attract abundance into your life just by being yourself. You don’t have to follow strict instructions on how to manifest things. You are fully capable of discovering new methods that work for you when it comes to manifestation. Remember, sometimes you need to "fake it till you make it." Don’t worry about what others might think or say; be the most confident and imaginative version of yourself. Believe in the impossible, and you’ll see it become reality. Dream big, and don’t hesitate to manifest the most outrageous things, even those that seem out of reach.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
PILE 2
I see that some of you are thinking about choosing a business major in college, and I want you to know that this is a great choice for you. I got the message that you have the potential to make more money by helping others learn how to manage and grow their own money. You could become a freelancer, offering advice on how to use money wisely, or you might even start a course where you teach people how to invest and handle their finances.
You have a special knowledge or skill that could be valuable to others, and you could exchange this knowledge for money. Some of you might also be excellent teachers, guides, gurus, or counselors. You hold the key to success—your ideas, inspirations, and whatever thoughts come to your mind right now could be what lead you to success.
I also see that some of you don't feel the need to make a lot of money; you just want to earn enough to live a good, comfortable life. You don't necessarily desire a luxurious lifestyle. Some of you could even become great spiritual teachers.
You can attract abundance into your life by growing spiritually. However, I also notice that some of you have been slacking on your spiritual practices. For example, something you used to do regularly, like manifestation, meditation, or journaling, you now barely do once every two weeks. These practices help keep you emotionally stable. If you start doing them regularly again, you'll notice a significant change in the energy around you.
At this moment, you need to focus on your studies and avoid chasing temporary pleasures. Concentrate on the things that will bring you long-term fulfillment and happiness.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
PILE 3
You need to break free from the cycle you're currently stuck in, and I'm getting the message that this may be connected to your ancestors. It’s possible that your family has experienced a fluctuating cycle of wealth and poverty over time. As a result, you might be afraid of making more money because you fear that you’ll end up facing the same ups and downs as your ancestors did.
I also see that you have a mindset of lack when it comes to money, and this needs to change. If you don’t shift your thinking, you may struggle to manifest more money in your life. Another issue is that you tend to overspend on things you want but don’t really need. Then, when it comes time to spend on something you actually need, you might find yourself short of money. It’s important to learn how to manage your finances better so that you have enough money for both what you want and what you need.
Some of you might be thinking about starting a business or entering a partnership with someone. This could be a good opportunity, but you need to be very careful about who you choose to partner with. For others, starting your own business could be a great option. I see that some of you are considering businesses related to jewelry, clothing (especially thrifted clothes), or decorative items.
You also need to let go of habits or memories that are no longer serving you. You can attract abundance by releasing an addiction or behavior that is holding you back. For instance, I see that some of you may be spending too much time on social media or on your phones. You need to be mindful of how much time you’re wasting on these activities. Instead, invest your time in something that will benefit you. If something isn't adding value to your life, don’t waste your time on it.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*
#tarot reading#pick a card#tarot cards#free readings#free tarot#tarot#pick a pile#tarotblr#pick a picture#pick a photo#tarot readings#tarot deck#tarotcommunity#tarotoftumblr#tarot of the week#tarotwithavi#tarotwisdom#tarot witch#venus astrology#astro community#witch community#spiritual community#tarot divination#divination#psychic readings
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Do you like writing? Are you an MCYT fan? Do you sometimes struggle with getting that one character's dialogue to sound just right?
Well, I have a solution:
Echo's MCYT writing cheat sheet doc!
Featuring notes on 80+ CCs ranging from Hermitcraft, Empires SMP, and the Life Series to QSMP, this Google doc has now been in the works for nearly two years (since November 2021!), currently comprises 18k+ words, and still receives tweaks and updates pretty much every day.
Contents of each CC's section on the doc (which are in alphabetical order!) include:
Commonly used words/phrases - adjectives and adverbs! Exclamations! Filler phrases and words! and other turns of phrase that make their speech distinct from others
Sentence structure - including transcriptions of example sentences that help get an idea of how exactly someone tends to say (and stumble over) their words!
Interaction with others - do they use nicknames? Which ones? What little phrases do they tend to say in conversation?
Typing - how do they type in Minecraft chat? What emoticons do they use? Do they send one long message, or several short ones? Should it be all lowercase? Do they use apostrophes? and more, with example screenshots!
In-game movement - how do they move their cubito? Do they shuffle around on the spot while talking, or stand still to look someone in the face? How expressive are they? Do they shift for emphasis, or nod? etc!
and other random characterisation notes - any fun facts about their character that you might want to keep in mind while writing!
There's also some bonus content outside of the specific character sections - links to general writing resources, recaps and summaries and quotes from the series the CCs on the doc have been involved in, as well as notes, conversation transcripts and clips I've compiled for some specific character dynamics!
(Important disclaimer: This isn't a 100% comprehensive guide - I'm just one person, and this is entirely comprised of notes I take while watching, so it's never going to be perfect or fully accurate. It also varies a lot on its level of detail for each CC, because I watch some people more than others, and in the case of QSMP there's language barriers involved, too.)
But I do think it can be pretty helpful. So if you're struggling, maybe consider giving this doc a try - you might find something useful inside! <3
#there we go. it's getting its own post. into the wild. enjoy!#mcyt#hermitcraft#empires smp#life series#qsmp#fic#echo.txt#character voices cheat doc#echo hall of fame
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SCOTTISH WORDS AND PHRASES TO USE WHEN WRITING FOR SOAP MACTAVISH ☀️
i know i've made a couple of these posts before, but i'm going to go for less obvious ones. this is coming from a scottish person, if you're interested. :3 🏴
i saw a tiktok talking about this and i was surprised that some people don't use these words... (╥﹏╥) these are just some that come to the top of my head, although i might update it later. 💌
bolk/boke — can be used if something is so disgusting that it makes you feel sick, or gag. “that gives me the bolk.”
minging — i love using this word... minging is disgusting, it's something that is gross. “oh, that's minging.” if someone has done something is gross. you could use it if something smells bad or unpleasant.
belther — a blether is a chat. if you're having a blether, you're having a conversation.
chinwag — i'm not sure if other countries use this, but similar to a ‘blether’, a chinwag means to chat.
scran — i don't think this is just scottish, but if you're having a scran, you're eating.
mockit — mockit means dirty. for example, if someone's shoes are mockit then they're very dirty.
piece — a piece is a sandwich. a bacon piece, a chip piece, etc.
eejit — if someone is an eejit, they're an idiot.
greeting — most people would think greeting means to greet someone, but ‘greeting’ in scottish slang is crying. if a wain is greeting, they're sobbing.
wain — a wain means a child.
dreich — dreich is gloomy, dull, depressing. “a wet, dreich morning.”
tattie — a potato is a tattie. for example, mince and tatties would be mince and potatoes.
#john soap mactavish#soap mactavish#john soap mctavish x reader#cod soap#soap call of duty#soap mw2#soap x reader#scottish#scotland#scottish slang#orla speaks#cod x reader#cod#cod mw2
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For me, the most heartbreaking aspect of Ivan is that the poor clueless bastard didn't have the tools to express his affection in any way that didn't involve violence or manipulation, or weren't too inscrutable, quiet, or unseen to be picked up by Till.
I definitely interpret Ivan as autistic for several reasons, a big one being their Segyein teacher's notes about him:
It's just. Classic ND behaviour to me.
Not only does expressing emotion and communicating the way other kids do not come naturally to Ivan, but it's not as if he's been given a great example of coping with this from the Segyein.
Ivan managed to mask in a way that made him popular with other students, and got him in the good graces of their captors. He did everything expected of him to survive and thrive in this environment.
Then he meets Till, inscrutable and very different to the other kids, just like Ivan is. Except, Till doesn't mask. He doesn't change or try to endear himself to their captors, and he doesn't bend to anyone, no matter how much he is hurt and punished for it.
This is a new situation for Ivan, and he's never had anything to compare his feelings to. He also can't figure out how to communicate with Till, every interaction, no matter how well meaning, seems to end in failure.
I bring your attention to the cheer up comic, and how, again, autistic this interaction feels:
There could be many reasons why Ivan chose to say what he did, but to me it feels like ND bluntness not being received well. And that's fair! From Till's perspective Ivan is being a jerk for no good reason.
Instead of responding with glee towards Till laying him out (as we see from Ivan when they're a bit older), Ivan justs seems... really confused. Like he didn't expect that statement to upset Till that much, and he didn't expect Till to respond in the way he did. Everything was fine a second ago, what went wrong?
Then, Ivan uses the phrase he learned from Till in an attempt to self sooth. It might have been the first example of comfort after an injury/hurt he had ever seen, given how he defaults to it. And it was from Till trying to cheer up a flower.
This also shows some of Till's blindspots. He has grown up having to be vigilant, because violence and hurt have been a core part of his upbringing. This leads to anything he doesn't immediately, clearly understand being perceived as a threat or a slight, and so he reacts violently to Ivan's statement.
I'll also draw your attention to this comic where, as far as we know, Ivan is simply stating a true fact in a blunt manner:
In my interpretation, these types of interactions keep adding up, and Ivan is grasping at straws the whole time, trying to be closer to Till and failing every time.
Eventually, the only surefire way to get Till's attention is to piss him off, provoke him, manufacture scenarios to talk to him. I'm not excusing this behaviour, but I understand where Ivan could be coming from, from the perspective of both an emotionally immature/stunted child and/or an ND child.
Despite how much they fight and bicker, at every moment it really mattered, Ivan was there for Till. It was always Ivan coming to free him, to take off his collar or gag, and it was Ivan who led their escape.
Ivan couldn't leave Till behind when he went back for Mizi. Even with the confirmation that Till would choose Mizi over Ivan every time, Ivan couldn't leave him.
The miscommunication goes two ways though. It's insane to think that Till didn't care about Ivan at all. They were close as kids, and I doubt Till ever forgot about the escape he gave up.
We have the graduation messages, where Ivan is able to write something that could be reasonably interpreted as affectionate or fond towards Till.
Meanwhile, Till's message-
If we're being charitable with our interpretations, we can say this was Till's way of saying 'of course I remember you' and attempting to communicate that Ivan HAD left a lasting impact on him.
However, how could any reasonable person be expected to get THAT out of 'you stole my fucking pencil'? Ivan could have taken this one of two ways:
1) Omg he remembers me 🥰
2) he leans into his 'i will never be loved back' bias and thinks that Till really doesn't care about him at all
Who the hell knows what goes through that weird little brain of his. But given how Round 6 went, and what Ivan had to say in the confession comic, he obviously didn't think his impact was significant enough.
Then Alien Stage happens, and in Round 3 Ivan is FINALLY communicating his feelings in a way that is vulnerable and might even have a chance of being understood as love and yearning!
Till is unconscious through it until the very end.
Then in the next round, Mizi goes missing, and Till can't care about anything anymore.
Ivan finds him after the private performance, takes off his gag, and just holds him. Again, Till is unconscious for all of this.
Then, in Round 6, not only is Till distraught from the disappearance of Mizi, but he's given no time to process what the fuck is going on before Ivan is dead at his feet. Till might have finally had a chance to really understand where Ivan was coming from, how he really felt all this time, and Ivan DIES.
And still, Ivan's most transparent act of affection? It's delivered with violence. He's kissing a distraught Till who tries to push him away, and neither of them are happy. He puts his hands around Till's neck, not really hurting him, but it's enough to look convincing for the cameras, and it's enough for Till to go limp and wait for death. Ivan's final loving act is to give Till a soft look with blood pouring out of his mouth, that Till still does not see, and then let go before falling to the ground.
It's just a collection of failures. We see from Ivan that he truly loved Till, made a lot of selfless decisions for his sake, was filled with so much longing and affection, but he just couldn't get it across in a way that doesn't seem fucking deranged from an outsider's perspective. And when he DID manage to communicate his feelings more clearly, it was to a Till that was unconscious, or too distracted/dense/traumatised to see Ivan's actions as ones of love.
There's no guarantee that Till would have reciprocated even if Ivan had managed to communicate his feelings in a healthier way, but there was at least a CHANCE. At least Ivan could have gotten some closure, even if he was rejected.
Instead Ivan died thinking he was completely unloved by the person who he cared about more than anything else, and his last ditch effort to make Till understand was deeply flawed and uncomfortable.
If these kids had grown up any other way, maybe they could have had a chance. Unfortunately, the world they were in didn't equip them to not hurt eachother in their attempts to grow closer.
#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alien stage till#alnst#alnst ivan#alnst till#ivantill#tillivan#alien stage round 6#if you saw me edit this a bunch of times trying to link the masterdoc post no you didnt
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Just spent a couple hours digging into this book. I'm not even sure what has worse environmental impacts, the paper the book is made of or the opinions printed within.
Is "post-colonial" literary theory a joke? It's distressing that a book printed in 2021 by a reputable academic press can be so painfully Eurocentric, and I mean PAINFULLY. The philosophical and literary frameworks drawn upon in most chapters are like what some British guy in 1802 would come up with. In most of the chapters, every framework, terminology, and example is inseparably fused to Latin, Greek, and/or Christian philosophers, myths and texts, even down to the specific turns of phrase. You would think only Europeans had history or ideas until the 20th century.
Don't get me wrong, non-european and even specifically anti-colonial sources are used, and I don't think all the writers are white people, but...that's what's so weird and off-putting about it, most of the book as a whole utterly fails to absorb anything from non-European and in particular anti-colonial points of view. The chapters will quote those points of view but not incorporate them or really give their ideas the time of day, just go right back to acting like Plato and Aristotle and Romantic poets are the gold standard for defining what it means to be human.
In brief, the book is trying to examine how literature can shed light on the climate crisis, which is funny because it completely fails to demonstrate that literature is good or helpful for the climate crisis. Like that is for sure one major issue with it, it shows that people *have* written stuff about climate change, but it sure doesn't convince you that this stuff is good.
Most of the works quoted are rather doomerist, and a lot of the narrative works specifically are apocalypse tales where most of Earth's population dies. The most coherent function the authors can propose that literature fulfills is to essentially help people understand how bad things are. One of the essays even argues that poetry and other creative work that simply appreciates nature is basically outdated, because:
“One could no longer imagine wandering lonely as a cloud, because clouds now jostle in our imaginations with an awareness of atmospheric concentrations of carbon dioxide and other atmospheric pollutants” (Mandy Bloomfield, pg. 72)
Skill issue, Mandy.
The menace of doomerism in fiction and poetry is addressed, by Byron Caminero-Santangelo, on page 127 when he references,
the literary non-fiction of a growing number of authors who explicitly assert, some might even say embrace, the equation between fatalistic apocalyptic narrative and enlightenment…they are authoritative in their rejection of any hope and in their representation of mitigatory action as the cliched moving of deckchairs on a sinking ship
He quotes an essay “Elegy for a country’s seasons” by Zadie Smith, who says: “The fatalists have the luxury of focusing on an eschatological apocalyptic narrative and on the nostalgia of elegy, as well as of escape from uncertainty and responsibility to act." Which is spot-on and accurate, but these observations aren't recognized as a menace to positive action, nor is the parallel to Christian thought that eagerly looks forward to Earth's destruction as a cathartic release from its pain made fully explicit and analyzed. Most of the creative works referenced and quoted in the book ARE this exact type of fatalistic, elegiac performance of mourning.
I basically quit reading after Chapter 11, "Animals," by Eileen Crist, which begins:
The humanization of the world began unfolding when agricultural humans separated themselves from wild nature, and started to tame landscapes, subjugate and domesticate animals and plants, treat wild animals as enemies of flocks and fields, engineer freshwater ecologies, and open their psyches to the meme of the ‘the human’ as world conquerer, ruler and owner.
This is what I'm talking about when I say it's dripping Eurocentrism; these ideas are NOT universal, and it's adding nothing to the world to write them because they fall perfectly in line with what the European colonizing culture already believes, complete with the lingering ghost of a reference to the Fall of Man and banishment from the Garden of Eden. It keeps going:
“Over time, the new human elaborated a view of the animal that ruptured from the totemic, shamanic and relational past.”
Okay so now she's introducing the idea of progression from shamanic nature-worshipping religions of our primitive past...hmm I'm sure this isn't going anywhere bad
“While humanity has largely rejected the colonizing project with respect to fellow humans, the occupation of non-human nature constitutes civilization’s last bastion of ‘normal’ colonialism. A new humanity is bound sooner or later to recognize and overthrow a colonialism of ‘nature,’ embracing a universal norm of interspecies justice.” (pg. 206)
OKAY????
Not only denying that colonialism still exists, but also saying that humans' relationship with nature constitutes colonialism??
Embracing limitations means scaling down the human presence on demographic and economic fronts…(pg.207)
ope, there's the "we have to reduce the human population"
Embracing limitations further mandates pulling back from vast expanses of the natural world, thus letting the lavishness of wild (free) nature rule Earth again” (pg. 207)
aaaaaaand there's the "we have to remove humans from wild nature so it can be freeeeeee"
don't get me wrong like I am a random white person with no particular expertise in anti-colonialist thought but I think this is an easy one. I'm pretty sure if your view of nature is that colonialism involving subjugating humans doesn't exist any more and actually humans existing in and altering nature is the real colonialism so we should remove humans from vast tracts of earth, your opinion is just bad.
Anyways y'all know I have an axe to grind against doomerism so it was probably obvious where this was going but good grief.
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so I know that a lot of chinese names are references to specific poems. Is there a way to determine this (vs general auspicious meaning) and which poem specifically? I'd love to be able to figure this out for character names and I haven't been able to find any resources (in case it's helpful, I'd say I'm my understanding is maybe HSK4-level so I can clumsily make my way through the chinese internet with the help of a dictionary)
feel free to make this public so that others can benefit if you have any suggestions
oof... unfortunately I suspect that this, along with one's repertoire of chengyu, is something that one simply Just Learns with reading more. my personal repertoire of poetry is embarrassingly thin, so the horrible horrible process I've been going through is, well, throwing the name into a search bar and hoping for the best.
here's an example of how I (think I) went about doing this for Xiao Xingchen's name, way back when I wrote this post:
I went ahead and dropped "星尘 诗词" ("Xingchen poetry") into the search bar, which turned up this:
Generally speaking, I'll only put the name (minus the surname) because putting the character's full name into a search bar will probably turn up the character themselves, and if someone's name is being derived from a poem, it's usually independent of the surname anyway.
Xiao Xingchen's name is an interesting example because it doesn't quite come from a poem, but it doesn't not come from a poem. you can see that the search engine has automatically assumed that I am looking for poems about constellations, as "星辰" and "星尘" are homonyms, and one of these is more commonly seen. I usually consider that a solid indication that "星尘" (the name) is a novel formation of characters in a name, and not likely a poetic reference.
but! in for a penny, etc. I'm a huge fan of the first search result, gushicimingju, since it's a solid database of poetry and some prose. clicking into that listing informs me that gushicimingju is turning up. oh my. 119 possible matches:
note that these are matches for "星辰" (constellation), not actually our character's name. still! you can click in and peruse the selection if you'd like.
now that you're on gushicimingju's site, you can also use the search function within the site to search for more exact matches, without worrying that you'll accidentally activate the fandom itself.
looks like there's a few matches for "晓星," but nothing for the full name.
so! gushicimingju is a solid database I like to refer to most of the time. if for some reason I'm feeling particularly academically rigorous, I might also do some searches on ctext as sometimes names will come out of famous turns of phrases (a la Zhao Yun 赵云 / Zhao Zilong 赵子龙 from that post I linked earlier) rather than poems. searching the dictionary sometimes (Pleco, or zdic) doesn't hurt either. basically, I throw spaghetti at the search engine wall to see what results come back for these characters in this particular order to try and get the original referent (if any) to show up; I'll probably give up after a few permutations of search terms if nothing is actively jumping out at me
but back to the search results: sometimes, if your character is famous enough, straight up searching for "what poem is this character's name from?" will help you find like-minded people on baidu zhidao (basically yahoo answers):
although of course, take baidu zhidao result with all of the salt you would take with any yahoo answers (look for alternate sources to validate, good for a laugh most of the time)
best of luck!
#ask and ye shall receive#remember back in the day when I'd answer meta like “I have no idea but here is what I internet searched for you”#basically this! now with screenshots for my incompetence!
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So, something happened last night that has been sitting heavily on my heart ever since. I'm not naming names for a reason, so don't ask. This is a clear example of something that's happened with increasing regularity.
When the Amsterdam attacks started happening last night, the first thing I thought of was a pair of my friends who had within the last 48h - I thought - been in Amsterdam to get married. (I got the place they traveled to wrong, bc it was late and I was tired, but that's not the point.) These friends are a Black frum Czech lesbian & her new wife, an in-progress convert who's seriously ill. I shared the CNN link on it & spoke with friends on a very small Discord server about how terrified I was that my friends had (again, I thought) narrowly missed being in the city while Jews were being advised to stay inside and, if they had to go out, to remove any visible symbols of their Jewishness.
Here's where I reach up and underline the word frum in that previous paragraph. Got it? Asking that friend to remove her visible signs of being Jewish is like asking her to go outside naked.
And here's the thing that's gonna stick with me for a long time: someone that I used to consider a longtime friend, who rarely, if ever, spoke on that server, popped up almost 4 hours after I was talking about how much this scared me about the relative safety of my friends to share a tweet containing the phrase Judeo-Nazis in order to contradict the CNN article and bring up what she apparently thought was the important part of the story:
"The Israelis started it," according to her & her "Judeo-Nazis" source.
That was what she thought was important to that story. Not that random fucking Jews are getting attacked on the streets of Amsterdam, not that I was relieved that my friends weren't in danger while still dealing with the fear and the shock of feeling they had been so close to it, but that I had to know, right away, that contrary to what CNN (and every other major news outlet talking about it) was reporting, this random person on Twitter referring to Israelis at a fucking soccer game and random visibly Jewish people of any nationality on the street in Amsterdam as Judeo-Nazis said that the Israelis fucking started it.
And like, no, they fucking didn't, but in context, the context in which I was speaking in a small group about my fear for two friends who weren't at the fucking soccer match but who I thought might be close to the danger, does that fucking matter? What does that have to do with "fuck, I think my friends were just there"?
Nothing. And yet - for some reason - that's the first thing that needed to be addressed in this person's mind.
A lot of Jews find our circles shrinking these days. Antisemitism is on the rise, and if we're not experiencing the direct slap in the face of people we thought were friends prioritizing "you know, the Jews started it" over anything else, we're watching people we thought better of make excuses for it, or tell us that we should gladly accept "our share" of the blame for the actions of a foreign government. (Yes, that has been said to me directly, recently.)
If I weren't so fucking stubborn, I would fold into myself & just keep company with the few and the trusted, a circle that gets smaller and smaller every day. But... I'm stubborn as hell. Maybe that'll fuck me over someday worse than it already has, I dunno.
I don't have a pithy closing for this. I'm just sad. It hurts to watch people that I used to trust vomit up shit like that tweet. It hurts that it's getting worse.
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I originally wrote this back in 2019 in response to someone saying:
So, let me get this straight... the entire religion (of Judaism) is built around legal loopholes? Is that what I’m gathering here? (Feel free to correct me!)
And it remains relevant to people (gentiles) who characterize Judaism as rules lawyering or all about loopholes or worse, who imply we are trying to be "sneaky" or "pull one over on God."
My answer:
the religion is built around living in an ethical society per our contract (covenant) with G-d. but you can’t just have a bunch of words without putting them to use, & understanding them in practice, you know? the fulfillment of the covenant is a living discussion.
it’s not legal loopholes, because a loophole is often an inadequacy in the law that gets taken advantage of, but these are all built-in, part of our understanding. In this case, we have a contract (covenant), and we’re going to put it to use in every way possible, explore every inch of it, turn it inside out, and apply it to real life examples, define the parameters, argue those definitions, and then survey the conclusions.
I can say “you need to say the evening shema (a prayer) in the evening” but we can’t just say that, we need to explore a bunch of related things, like:
when in the evening does this happen? is there a difference between twilight and evening? if we say the evening prayer can be said from the time the priests partake of teruma, then when is that? if it’s the first watch of the evening, how many watches are there? if you were out all night for a wedding, but it’s not yet dawn, is it too late to recite the evening prayer? — IN SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS, KE$HA WILL WRITE TIK TOK, AND WE’LL NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF PARTYING UNTIL YOU SEE SUNLIGHT!
— when do they (the priests) ritually bathe in preparation for this [taking of teruma]? what about when poor people who cannot afford extra candles - do we consider how early they eat an evening meal in order to make sure they can afford the light [when we define evening]?
why did we discuss evening prayer before morning prayer? why does torah give us night before day? when is bedtime for most people? can we say the evening prayer until dawn? if yes, people might put off the prayer until dawn, which could lead to laziness or mistakes.
Also, when is dawn? but more prudently at the moment, when is evening? evening is when the stars are visible, but...how many stars? also, if you are lying alone in a dark house and can’t see the sky, how do you determine if it is too early or too late for your evening shema?
and that whole discussion is from the beginning of the Talmud, in its hyper-condensed form. That is what we do.
It’s not a series of loopholes and ways to weasel out of doing something. It's an intentional exploration of how something is done right, what doing it means, how we can accomplish it.
nothing gets taken for granted, everything is questioned, debated, discussed until it is understood enough to be applicable. and there may be lots of ways to understand.
if someone sees this line of thinking and goes “ah, loopholes to get out of it/wiggle away from it,” then you are mistaking lacework for loopholes.
....and if Kesha sees sunlight, it is now too late for her to say her bedtime shema. she should recite morning shema instead.
(note I think per anon my original phrasing was lacework, not loopholes, but maybe I edited for clarity later? Very possible, I'm a chronic editor.)
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EFT Tapping Script Template for Void State, Manifesting & Shifting
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
This is an example EFT tapping script to use to clear your negative beliefs, calm your nervous system, and reprogram your mind with positive affirmations around entering the void, manifesting your dream life or shifting.
If you've never tried tapping before, this quick video demonstrates all the points you need to know. Some people don't use the wrist point and that's fine, I prefer to use it. You can also tap other places on the body, especially places that might hold tension like your lower back or shoulders.
Phase 1: Set-Up
Tapping sessions start off with a "set-up" on the side of the hand, where you tell yourself that even though you have all these negative thoughts, it's ok and you love yourself anyway.
The set-up phrase template is: "Even though I [have this negative thought/feeling/situation], I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself." It's usually repeated 3 times, but can go longer if you want.
It's best to use your own words, but this is the basic idea:
For void state: "Even though I think the void is hard to enter, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have tried so many times to enter the void, and I keep failing, and I'm so frustrated and annoyed, I deeply and completely love and forgive myself. Even though I have tried so many methods and nothing is working, and I'm so mad that people make it seem so easy, and I feel like something is wrong with me, I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself. I'm willing to change the way I look at things. I'm willing to change my mind and my state. I'm willing to let go of the past."
For manifesting your dream life or shifting: "Even though I think it sounds impossible that I can wake up with all my desires/shift to my desired reality, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though I have so many limiting beliefs from society, doubts that this is real, and people telling me this is ridiculous, I deeply and completely love and forgive myself. Even though I have tried so many methods and keep failing, and I wonder if I'll every be successful, and I feel like something is wrong with me, I deeply and completely love and accept and forgive myself. I'm willing to change the way I look at things. I'm willing to change my mind and my state. I'm willing to let go of the past,"
Take a deep breath, rub your hands together, drink some water.
Phase 2: Venting
Start tapping on the main points in a cycle and continue with the venting.
Void: "I have been trying to enter the void for so long. I haven't had any success. It's just so frustrating. It's just so hard. No matter what I try it doesn't work. Every morning I wake up disappointed that I failed to enter the void again. Why has it been so hard for me? Some people make it look so easy. It's just not fair. What am I doing wrong?"
Manifesting/shifting: "I have been trying to manifest my dream life/shift for so long. I haven't had any success or movement at all. Every morning I wake up in my same old reality and I'm so frustrated. I just want to wake up with all my desires. I'm just sick of this life. Why do some people make it look so easy? I've tried everything and keep failing. What's wrong with me?"
Continue venting for as long as you need. You might want to go through 2-3 (or more) rounds of the negative before you move on.
Phase 3: Bridging
Next I like to start making "bridging" statements. Like you're creating a bridge from your past negative state to your future one, you're gradually guiding yourself to feel better.
Example bridge for any: "I know I've been trying for a long time. But I also know I've had a lot of things to overcome. Yes, my life has been difficult. I know it's not my fault. I know I'm not doing anything wrong. I can't compare my journey to anyone else's. I don't know what they were going through before they had their success. But I do know I am in control of my future. No matter what happened in the past, I'm willing to believe I am in control now. I'm willing to believe that life can be easy for me. I'm open to believing that I can be successful."
You can continue to bridge as long as you need to. If you find your affirmations hard to believe, you can do a few rounds saying them starting with bridging phrases like:
Maybe I can start to believe that ____
I'm willing to believe ____
I am open to the possibility that ____
I can start to accept that ____
I choose to believe ____
Phase 4: Positive Affirmations
Finally, start using your positive affirmations and hyping yourself up.
Void: "It literally doesn't matter what happened in the past, because I am in control now. I was overcomplicating things because of tumblr and putting the void on a pedestal. I don't have to do that anymore. I know the void is real. I also know the void is no big deal. I know I enter the void every night when I sleep. I've entered the void a million times before. I know the void is just myself in my highest form. I know I am in control of the void because I am the creator. I know the void is easy to enter. I know I can enter the void easily no matter what."
Manifesting/shifting: "It literally doesn't matter what happened in the past, because I am in control now. I was overcomplicating things because of tumblr/ShiftTok and putting my desires on a pedestal. I don't have to do that anymore. I know manifesting/shifting is real. I know I am the creator of my reality and I can have anything I want. No desire or reality is more special, bigger or more important than any other. I know I can have whatever I want. I know I can shift/manifest easily. I am a master shifter/manifestor now. It's so easy for me to get all my desires."
Continue with the positive statements for as long as you want. In total the whole thing would probably take 10-20 minutes, but you can always go longer.
When you're done, rub your hands together or "Namaste", thank yourself for doing the work, and drink lots of water!!
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NO PRONOUNS FAQ
How do I even do that?
There are multiple methods for referring to those who use no pronouns, shown below. (Examples here taken from this page, a very good resource.)
Use names or initials instead of pronouns
I talked to him yesterday → I talked to Sky yesterday.
She is really beautiful → Soph is really beautiful.
Her graduation starts soon → J's graduation starts soon.
Passive voice
He answered the phone → The phone was answered.
Wen takes good care of her cat → Wen's cat is well cared for.
Rephrasing the sentence (circumlocution)
Lior did it all by himself → Lior did it all without any help.
Gael talks in his sleep → Gael talks while sleeping.
Replacing a pronoun with a descriptive noun or phrase
She landed the plane safely → The pilot landed the plane safely.
This is Lea, she is into painting → This is Lea. My friend is into painting.
She argues that… → The person who started this discussion argues that…
Dropping pronouns
Did you buy Tex her gift? → Did you buy Tex a gift?
Yes, I bought it for her. I will give it to her tomorrow. → Yes, I bought it. I will give it tomorrow.
Why not just use they/them?
For many people who use no pronouns, the issue with they/them pronouns is the implication of a neutral gender rather than no gender. Nonbinary people have often been lumped into a “third gender” category, and for agender/genderless people, this feels just as restrictive as having to “settle for” a binary gender. They/them pronouns can feel like being forced into another category, especially as the popular perception of people outside the binary has become a monolith, and can be very dysphoria-inducing.
Who can use no pronouns?
Anyone! Most commonly, this specific way of expressing oneself is used by agender/genderless people, but anyone can use no pronouns if that’s what that person wants.
Can I include you in group pronouns? (Example: They all went to the beach.)
It’s up to the person whether or not that’s alright, but I’d wager most of us would say that yes, that’s fine! It can’t hurt to ask.
Are second person pronouns alright to use?
Same as above. Most would find it perfectly fine, but if there’s ever doubt, please ask!
Isn’t that transphobic?
When asked for sincerely, this is not transphobic. Some transphobic people might say they “don’t have pronouns” in order to make fun of trans people. There is a big difference between someone genuinely stating their preferred pronouns (or lack thereof) and being transphobic.
Are you trolling?/Is this satire?
No, this is not a joke or an attempt at making anyone look bad. If you asked if this is satire, I also urge you to take a look at what satire actually is and it’s history as a form of comedy. Trolling and bait are not satire.
Aren’t you harming the community with this?/This will make transphobes think we're stupid!
I am, by definition, a trans person just trying to be comfortable. I am part of the community. While people inside the community can definitely harm it, expressing myself in a way that makes me most comfortable is not harmful towards anyone. If transphobes think I'm stupid, I can't stop them. They'll think I'm stupid no matter what.
How do I try these out for myself? I think this might be for me!
Here's a website that allows the user to input a name and ask for no pronouns in a sample sentence. No matter your conclusion, I wish you the best on your journey of discovery!
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