#but I think I find pronouns in general not a useful communication tool to describe my gender

[shybreadgarden]

I get very awkward when people ask me my pronouns. Some of my best (worst) responses so far include “sure” and “doesn’t everyone?” But shoutout to my nutritionist because like an idiot I said “uhh whatever works for you.” And she gave me a -look- and said “they’re ~your~ pronouns. Whatever works for ~you.~”

[thesublemon]

planning ≠ coherence

I talk a big game about liking coherence in art, and it’s probably clear that I have an apophenic tendency to enjoy textual interpretation. And this might lead people to think that I have a preference for carefully planned and plotted art, or that I look down on the messy and improvisational. But this is actually almost the opposite of the case. Not because I don’t really like coherence, but because artistic coherence is something more complicated than planning, and isn’t even necessarily possible to achieve with planning.

The thing about improvisation, is that at its best it’s about finding the choice that feels right. I listen to jazz more than any other kind of music, and one of the reasons I like it so much is the exhilaration of someone landing on a musical idea that simultaneously makes a song feel bigger and more complete. A solo isn’t fun if it’s just a bunch of disconnected ideas (similar to how whimsy isn’t fun if it doesn’t also “work”). It’s fun if it picks up on the things that the other players are doing, or ideas that showed up earlier in the song, and then makes them feel like they go together. Even if they “go together” in the sense of being coherently discordant, eg repeating ideas that don’t work multiple times. If beauty is fit, then the joy of improv is finding fit in unexpected places.

This goes for narrative too. In long-running stories like comics, book series, and TV shows, much is often made about whether certain choices were planned from the beginning. If things were planned, that’s a reason for praise, and if things weren’t planned, that’s a reason for derision, either towards the showrunners or towards people attempting to interpret the work. Say, “This plot point only happened because an actor wanted to leave the show. Therefore it has no meaning to read into.” But making things up as one goes is not what makes a story lose its plot, so to speak. Making things up is only a problem if the things the artist makes up don’t go with what came before.

In Impro, a very excellent book about the craft of improvisation, Keith Johnstone calls this process of making-things-go-with-what-came-before “re-incorporation”:

The improviser has to be like a man walking backwards. He sees where he has been, but he pays no attention to the future. His story can take him anywhere, but he must still ‘balance’ it, and give it shape, by remembering incidents that have been shelved and reincorporating them.

Johnstone is big on the idea that satisfying narrative depends on a sense of structure, and that reincorporation is one of the most important tactics for creating structure. To paraphrase him, a story where a character runs away from a bear, swims across lake, and finds a woman in a cabin on the other side, and “makes passionate love” to her has no structure. It’s just a series of events. Whereas if the bear then knocks the cabin’s door down and the woman cries out that it’s her lover, then suddenly it feels like a story. Because not only has the bear been reincorporated, it has been linked to the woman. From this perspective, if a story has no sense of reincorporation, or new developments don’t make sense with what came before, then it will feel incoherent, no matter how planned out it was.

I also keep thinking about Paul Bouissac’s discussion of gags and narrative in The Semiotics of Clowns and Clowning. He explains that what makes a scene funny is not whether it strings a bunch of gags together, but how those gags are organized. To use an example from the book, it’s one thing for a clown to pretend to hurt its thumb, and ask for an audience member to kiss it. It’s another thing for it to keep hurting different parts and then finally hurt its groin and act scandalized at the idea that someone might kiss it. Bouissac calls this sort of repetition “anaphor”:

Anaphor is one of the main tools of textual consistency. In linguistics, it designates the use of pronouns or any other indexical units to refer back to another word or phrase in the text. It links together parts of sentences and bridges the grammatical gaps between clauses, which is a consequence of the linearity of language. In rhetoric, anaphors are repetitions of words or structures that build up the cohesion of discourse and create momentum toward a climax. In multimodal communication, words, gestures, objects, or musical tunes can play the same role by reminding the receiver—that is, the spectator in the case of a performance—of signs and events produced earlier in the act.

One of the things that fascinated me about Farscape as a teenager, was that in contrast to other scifi of the time, it made no pretenses of having been planned—unlike say, Babylon 5. Or even shows like The X-Files, Lost, or Battlestar Galactica that gave you the “feeling” of a plan whether or not they had one, or were capable of following through. Farscape felt incredibly coherent, both in terms of theme and plot, but this coherence came about purely on the strength of the writing’s ability to ideate and then reincorporate. It would take someone’s weird costume idea, like the villain having glowing rods that screw inside his head, and snowball that into a whole storyline where the villain is a half breed of one hot-blooded race and one cold-blooded race, and can only stay alive by thermo-regulating the inside of his brain. And then decide that his vendetta against the hot-blooded race has motivated his obsession with the protagonist since the first season. Yet these twists never feel like “ret-conning” in a pejorative sense, because it all feels narratively and thematically sensible. (Unsurprisingly, making the show was described as “more like improv jazz than plotting out a symphony”).

None of which is to say that I dislike planning or polish, either. Stephen King, as a so-called “discovery” writer, famously writes off the cuff, without outlines. As he puts it in On Writing:

You may wonder where plot is in all this. The answer—my answer, anyway—is nowhere. I won’t try to convince you that I’ve never plotted any more than I’d try to convince you that I’ve never told a lie, but I do both as infrequently as possible. I distrust plot for two reasons: first, because our lives are largely plotless, even when you add in all our reasonable precautions and careful planning; and second, because I believe plotting and the spontaneity of real creation aren’t compatible. It’s best that I be as clear about this as I can—I want you to understand that my basic belief about the making of stories is that they pretty much make themselves. The job of the writer is to give them a place to grow (and to transcribe them, of course).

But his best stories feel like whatever bloat might have been generated from this narrative improvisation has then been pared down to what that improvisation was really getting at. And I can’t lie, I get a particular joy from reading or watching something and feeling without a doubt that the artist is in complete control of my experience. It was one of the most gratifying aspects of rewatching The Wire recently: the feeling that the little meanings and foreshadowings I was seeing in each choice were almost certainly intended. Nothing is more satisfying to an apopheniac than feeling like the patterns you see are actually real. And nothing is more annoying than a story that tries to pull some sort of reveal on you (“Dan is gossip girl!” “Angel is Twilight!” “Rey is a Palpatine!”) that doesn’t make any sense because it wasn’t intended from the beginning. Just because those characters existed in the story before, doesn’t make it good reincorporation. So if a story is a story because of structure, then if the choice is between a planned structure and no structure, the former is almost certainly going to be better.

Point is, it’s not really the process that matters. All creativity is improvisational in a sense, because all creativity involves making things up. What matters is how dedicated an artist is to the integrity of their work. If a writer has carefully planned their whole story out, with every twist and every theme clearly in mind, but can’t adapt if they start writing and find out that something they planned doesn’t actually work, that’s one kind of failure mode. The narrative equivalent of designing a perfect castle and then building it on a swamp. On the other hand, if a writer tries to go with the flow, but can’t reincorporate that flow, then that will be another failure mode. To the extent that I respond to improvisational art, it’s because improvisational art is often more attuned to these questions of whether something is moment-to-moment right. But what matters, above all, is the rightness. That’s what defines coherence. Whether there is a sense in the work that it is oriented around something, and whether the choices contribute to that something.

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Creator Spotlight: Desicosplay

Hello, lovely people, and welcome to our second creator spotlight!

Each month, we will highlight a different creator in our lovely fandom who features diverse characterizations of Sirius and/or Remus. We will invite you to get to know them better through questions and answers, Fandom Discourse(tm), and a featured prompt created by our guest.

For our second spotlight, we are absolutely honoured to having the presence of @desicosplay, an incredible cosplayer and writer that if you don’t follow, you should do right away. They’ve gifted us with many, many amazing gifsets, a lot of them about Sirius. Below you’ll see a little snippet of the interview and Mastani’s prompt. Under the cut you’ll be able to read the full interview. Don’t forget to share and interact with this post, and if you have anyone you’d like to recommend for a spotlight, shoot us an ask!

“Diversity means celebration. So in fan spaces, that means actively seeking out creators that you might otherwise miss. It means trying out new perspectives, or listening to new perspectives on your favorite characters. It means standing with your peers, being loud in your love and support of them. I’m not saying you have to reblog or comment on everything. Diversity is not just visual, it’s also mental. Diversity needs to be intentional and active, even if that takes place just in your head.”

Mastani’s prompt: Muggle AU! Sirius and Remus at Harry’s sporting event!

Hi! I’m Mastani, she/they/he pronouns, I’m a 1.5/2nd Generation Indian-American, and I cosplay and write fanfiction!

Q: How did you start creating in the fandom? What did you wish to bring into the fandom?

A: Almost five years ago, Laina @ohtheclevernessofme1972 convinced me to join the HPRP community. She and everyone else were so supportive of my desire to bring my culture and background to the Harry Potter characters. Eventually, I also started writing fanfiction again!

Q: What things about s/r as characters or in their relationship inspire you to create around them?

A: I think that they are very complex characters that really demonstrate how external factors affect your life, whether you like it or not. Their relationship, whether platonic, romantic, or anything in-between or outside, is also so fascinating in its potential to evolve. Wolfstar is constantly changing, and all its interpretations are totally feasible to imagine.

Q: What things would you like to highlight about the Wolfstar fandom and your experience in it?

A: My main dips into the fandom are when I cosplay Sirius, and every time, I feel so much love. The fandom is so open to any interpretations of Sirius, and it does wonders to make someone feel accepted.

Q: What type of content do you wish you saw more in the fandom?

A: This is entirely self-indulgent, but Godfather/Uncle!Sirius just make me feel so warm inside. There’s a love inside Sirius that only gets touched upon inside the books. AUs where he gets to interact with Harry as a child or teen outside the pressure of a war are just so calming and warming.

Q: What is your favourite wolfstar fancontent (fic/fanart/gifset/etc) and how does it inspire you?

A: Y’all, I have so many Wolfstar fics saved that are just stunning and several that are comfort fics. I think the biggest takeaway from all of them is the comfort the boys find in each other. All of them are AUs, and I’m inspired to depict my Wolfstar as something kind, gentle, and communicative.

Q: Which of your own identities inform your creative processes? How has that process been for you?

A: All of them! But more specifically, my racial background informs most of my process. My process is… Sporadic, to say the least. However, when I do get struck with an idea, I have to create it almost instantly. One example, Wolfstar-related, is that my Sirius cosplay has long hair, half-up in a bun. I feel like desi!Sirius would celebrate his heritage by growing his hair long, which also is a nice, “screw you,” to societal and familial constraints.

Q: What advice do you have for other content creators with diverse backgrounds in the fandom? What would you say to people that might feel they don’t have the “right” history/experience/characteristics to participate in the creation of content related to Wolfstar?

A: think the best advice for participation I have comes from the iconic Jay @siriussly-serious, Rest in Power. “Go. Get in. Dive in. Fucking head first. Fuck that, cannonball your butt right in there and make a damn splash…” There is no, “right,” history/experience/background. These characters are fictional, but they can reflect our world. Our world is not homogenous. So why should fictional worlds and characters be that way? These stories are ours, and we shape them to be whatever we want them to be. If you want to create, that’s all the prerequisite you need.

Q: How could we build a more diverse fandom?

A: This blog is a great example of how to build a diverse fandom. Celebrating creators with diverse backgrounds and being loudly supportive of them makes us want to stay. Finding communities that celebrate, not just accept, can make a world of difference. So, raise your voice and love on your favorite creators.

Q: What’s your favourite thing to modify in Sirius’s or Remus’s characterizations to bring new perspectives to them?

A: I’m a huge communicator, so improving character communication is something I love to do. I like to create fluff, and this change lets me focus on the gentler parts of Sirius and Remus, or the parts that need some love, e.g. mental health. It also lets me flesh out their senses of humor more, like their dislike of cats (in my headcanons).

Q: What does diversity mean to you? What does that encompass in fanish spaces?

A: Diversity means celebration. So in fan spaces, that means actively seeking out creators that you might otherwise miss. It means trying out new perspectives, or listening to new perspectives on your favorite characters. It means standing with your peers, being loud in your love and support of them. I’m not saying you have to reblog or comment on everything. Diversity is not just visual, it’s also mental. Diversity needs to be intentional and active, even if that takes place just in your head.

Q: What are your ideas about the notions of culture and ethnicity? How do you relate to those notions?

A: I find culture and ethnicity to overlap in many ways, as they both pertain to group characteristics. I’m not an anthropologist, so I don’t know the detailed differences between the two. However, in my quick searches, it feels, to me, that culture is a bit broader and ethnicity is more geographic. So, I’m culturally Indian-American and ethnically Gujarati Indian (Gujarat is the state in India). I find these notions to be helpful when defining and describing my experiences. For example, among desis (and other brown folks), saying I’m generation 1.5/2 tells them that I straddle American/Western and Indian culture. If I tell another Indian that I’m Gujarati, they instantly know the kind of foods I grew up with and the language my parents speak. It’s a streamlined way of explaining my experiences, and as a science brained person, it makes life easier for me.

Q: Is there a page/organization/institution you would recommend for fans to search/read when it comes to learning about diversity?

A: With the tool that is social media, there are so many activists and creators that are willing and able to teach about diversity. On my page, I keep a page titled, “Resources for Justice.” This page has a wide variety of social justice resources on it. Google is great, but you also want to cross-check your sources. However, I feel like the best way to learn is to ask questions. Do so respectfully and ensure the person you’re asking has the energy/time/compensation to answer. Especially if you’ve done some research ahead of time, I find that many folks are willing to have a discussion - but again, check with the person first. Trust is paramount in these conversations.

Q: Is there a project/organization that you want to hype?

A: Oh, I could name so many. However, the ones I want to shout out here are Chrysalis - Gender Identity Matters and Raze Collective. As many of you know, Jay @siriussly-serious passed away recently, and in his name, we’re promoting/donating to these charities. Chrysalis - GIM offers online and in-person mental health support for trans and nonbinary people in his area and Raze Collective supports LGBTQIA+ performers. Ami @ami-acts and a few others (I apologize for not remembering exactly who - I’ll message the mods if I remember/please add on if you know) organized this. Links are below.

Donate to Chrysalis - GIM here.

Donate to Raze Collective here.

Q: Leave us with a quote or work of art that always inspires you

A: Is it too cheesy to say all of our fandom? To be totally honest, that’s who/what inspires me most of all. It’s a work of art, all the people in it make our fandom a work of art!

[nouveauweird]

do you have any recs for learning about screenwriting / how to screenwrite? i'm one of those writers who kind of sees things like a movie and i'm wondering if things would work out better for me with a new medium. thanks in advance!

I hope you’ve got some time to read all of this because it got really frickin’ long.

I was introduced to screenwriting in a Writing Lab in college and followed suit into a Screenwriting IA (Integrative Activity, where students demonstrate what they’ve learned over the course of their studies in the Cinema and Communications program). 

So admittedly, most of what I learned was from two teachers who already knew their stuff and worked in the industry. However, I was so interested in pursuing screenwriting once I’d fallen in love with it, that I bought all the “optional” resource books my Screenwriting teacher had recommended. 

The Screenwriter’s Manual: A Complete Reference of Format and Style by Stephen E. Bowles, Ronald Mangravite, and Peter A. Zorn Jr. really has the basics for what you need to learn how to get into screenwriting. It is available on Amazon for a range of prices. 

I also read significantly through The Screenwriter’s Problem Solver: How to recognize, identify, and define screenwriting problems by Syd Field and to be honest it can actually be useful for any kind of story writer, as I perused it and applied some of its content to a few films I found were really poorly executed. 

I own, but have not significantly perused:

Story: Substance, Structure, Style and The Principles of Screenwriting by Robert McKee 

My uncle who is a screenwriter recommended highly, I personally haven’t dived in yet because the McKee has a stupid disclaimer about why he chose to use He pronouns to refer to the writer throughout the book which was a bit irritating so I just covered it with a sticky note and let it sit for a while.

Writing Short Films: Structure and Content for Screenwriters by Linda J. Cowgill

*Writing Tools: 55 Essential Strategies for Every Writer by Roy Peter Clark.

*Showing & Telling by Laurie Alberts

*Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg (currently reading)

*Take Off Your Pants! : Outline Your Books for Faster, Better Writing by Libbie Hawker. 

* = not screenwriting specific, general writing.

Two other books that come highly recommended by both of my uncles who work in the industry are: Save the Cat by Blake Snyder, and Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting by Syd Field.

Since I didn’t learn this completely on my own, I don’t have many online resources, but a quick google search of “Basic Screenwriting Format” should yield you some decent results. HERE is one I found, which has a few book recommendations in it as well. Airtable has resources for screenwriting as well but I am not as familiar with it, search “screenwriting” in the template section.

Here’s what I can recommend right off the bat, sign up for Celtx. It has free and paid subscription services, and you can keep 3 projects on your account at a time, but you can also just download them as PDF’s to free up space and reupload them later and the format will be in tact. Scrivener also has a screenwriting word processor, but it’s a (one time) paid program. 

There are many other word processors for screenwriting, but the best for beginners is Celtx. Most processors these days do the formatting for you, unlike 10-20+ years ago when you had to figure that shit out yourself. All you have to do is get familiar with where everything goes. 

Which brings me to the next part of my answer…

A Screenwriting Crash Course 

For a whole fucking load more of information, look under the cut.

First and foremost, I think it’s important to understand that the narrative description / action / description (all terms used interchangeably) is written in present tense 3rd person, and that you should focus on describing exclusively on what can be SEEN and HEARD. You should also try to be as concise and brief as possible. I found this was quite freeing because while I do love the metaphorical descriptions in prose, screenwriting is a very snappy and visual medium to write in. 

Another thing to understand is that beyond learning the basic formatting rules of screenwriting, you can pretty much bullshit formatting you’re not sure about. I’ve read many screenplays where certain elements were not consistent, such as whether or not the writer chooses to put their characters’ names in CAPS every single time (you should at least do so when the character is first introduced).

It’s actually really easy to find scripts of your favourite films online with a quick google search, it might take practice but I’ve managed to build a decent collection of screenplays that I like to read and get an eye for certain formatting tricks that won’t be in a “how to” book. Screenplays also read very quickly. There’s a general rule of 1:1 for page:minute, meaning 1 page is usually equal to one minute of screen time, and if not, it usually averages out.

I’m going to pull some quotes from The Screenwriter’s Manual to give you a bit of an idea of where you can start: pg 25 - 44, 49 - 63

You can find photos of the table of contents HERE if you’d like to message me directly with specific questions, I’d be happy to send you photos of the section you want. 

The Staging

The first component in the scene line [or slug line] provides the most basic information about the set-up for the scene.

The staging is ALWAYS abbreviated and followed by a period. There are only two choices for a scene: 

INT. for an interior set, informing the reader that the scene takes place in an inside environment

EXT. for an exterior set, specifying an outside environment. 

1. The Location

The second component in the scene line is the location in which the scene takes place. 

The location follows the INT. or EXT. designation and is separated from it by two character spaces [most screenwriting processors will do this automatically].

Do not abbreviate any words in the location component of the scene line. For example,

INT. APARTMENT is correct, and INT. APT. is incorrect.

VERY IMPORTANT

It is absolutely essential that every specific location be distinguished from every other location. 

If Joe lives in an apartment, then you can call that location INT. APARTMENT But if, in the same screenplay, Bob also has an apartment you can no longer use INT. APARTMENT as a location for Bob’s apartment.

To eliminate confusion, one solution is to call each apartment location by the resident’s name: INT. JOE’S APARTMENT and INT. BOB’S APARTMENT

Once a specific location has been identified in the scene line, all subsequent scenes taking place in that location MUST be identified in exactly the same way.

FIRST NOTE:

The location identifies where the activity and dialogue take place…

… if John lives in a multi-room apartment and John is currently in his bedroom (so that other rooms are concealed from view), then the scene line must read, INT. JOHN’S BEDROOM or INT. JOHN’S APARTMENT, BEDROOM

[If the action moves from one location to another there are different ways to indicate it; one would be to created a new scene line to indicate the new location, or to indicate the new location in the description like “John walks out of his bedroom and into the LIVING ROOM”. ]

…

FOURTH NOTE

A scene line can take either of two common variations: 

Most often, the scene line will define a specific location, such as INT. JOHN’S LIVING ROOM which limits the field of view to the area where the “camera” is placed.

If the scene takes place in a more generalized location, you can write it as an open scene, such as EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS … By identifying the scene in a generalized way, you are indicating that it is not important to your narrative to identify precisely where on the campus this scene takes place.

THE TIME

The third component of the scene line indicates the general time at which the scene begins. 

The time follows the location and is separated from it by a character space, then a dash, and then another character space.

[ example: INT. JOHN’S HOUSE, ATTIC - DAY ]

The time component of the scene line is most typically specified as a simple DAY or NIGHT. However, the time component can define a more precise period of the day or night. For example, DAWN, MORNING, AFTERNOON, RUSH HOUR, etc.

… You CANNOT specify an exact time, such as 3:30 PM, in the scene line. If such a specific time is required, you need to [include it in your description]…

When there is no lapse of time from one scene to the next, the time element in the scene line could simply be, CONTINUOUS. … if the time lapse is very brief, then you could use something like, MOMENTS LATER, A FEW MINUTES LAYER

AN EXEMPTION:

If a scene takes place in a location in which there is no way to gauge the visible time (DAY or NIGHT), then that element is omitted from the scene line.

ADDING SPECIFICS TO THE SCENE LINE

IDENTIFYING HISTORICAL PERIOD

[example EXT. PARIS, FRANCE - DAY (1946)

EXT. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - DAY (1920′s)]

INDICATING A MOBILE SITUATION

If a scene opens with a moving vehicle within the location, then that can be indicated in the scene line. For example… INT. JOHN’S CAR - DAY (MOVING)

2. ACTION or [DESCRIPTION]

Description imparts the necessary detail to the essentials of the scene, describing such features as the characters, sets, props, and any necessary action and sound cues. 

It is generally best to keep the level of detail focused on the actions and dialogue that comprise the narrative. That is where your attention and the reader’s interest should be directed. 

By describing the particular props and decor in a scene and how each character dresses or grooms, you can suggest such character information as personality type, emotional condition, religious affiliation, economic level, artistic taste, and for forth.

First, establish the scene, describing only what is visually apparent in the location and giving only as much detail as necessary. 

You cannot describe anything that cannot be seen… until they have been revealed. 

You do not need to itemize things that are generic and would ordinarily be present, such as furnishings, colours, arrangements, [etc]…

However you MUST specify anything that is unusual or essential to the scene. 

[ My uncle imparted me with a great tip; screenwriting doesn’t maintain traditional prose rules about paragraphs. You should try to keep your descriptions a maximum of four lines, and feel free to break them up into one-line or even one-word for emphasis.]

… 

VERY IMPORTANT: 

You can only convey what is happening at the moment… [No what has happened or what will happen]. 

You CANNOT provide any biographical, psychological, or situational information [about your characters] unless you can find visual means to do so (such as a newspaper article, a television program, [etc.])…

INTRODUCING CHARACTERS

Each character must be introduced in the description the first time [they] physically appear in the screenplay. This includes not only major characters, but also supporting characters and even minor characters and groups that function as characters. 

NAMING CHARACTERS

When a character is introduced, [their] name is ALWAYS typed in ALL CAPS regardless of whether the character is identified by a proper name, a profession, or an appearance… EVANS, AGENT ONE, DERELICT…

Once a character has been introduced, all subsequent references to that character’s name in the description should be written in a normal manner with initial caps… Evans, Agent One, Derelict… 

DESCRIBING CHARACTERS

As the screenwriter, you know who is a major character and who is a supporting or minor character because you have the entire story in your mind. The reader, however, is in a different situation.

… The amount of detail you provide about a character’s appearance and demeanor will give the reader a key to that character’s important in the script. 

As a guide, when characters are introduced, you need to make clear how important each is going to be by tailoring the description and context accordingly.

[ You should describe their appearance and what they are doing when you introduce your characters. There are many different formats to describe a character when you are introducing them, and none of them are the hard and fast rule, you will probably end up settling for your own preferred method].

WARREN EVANS, late twenties, intense, handsome with closely cropped hair and a neatly trimmed moustache, is working with cool precision at one of the hundreds of banks of wiring terminals. he is dressed in coveralls and wearing thin latex gloves.

A VARIATION:

A character’s age can also be assigned a numerical designation, such as…

WARREN EVANS (late 20s), ruggedly handsome, dressed in… 

Seated at the table is CINDY LEWIS, late 20s and very attractive…

[ Generally you should only mention eye colour, skin colour, height, weight, hair style/colour if it is relevant to the narrative. ]

WORDS THAT GET CAPPED

In addition to using CAPS to introduce characters in the description, there are established conventions for other elements that need to be typed in CAPS but only if they affect the narrative…

Those elements include: 

all essential costumes, props and decorany important action, effects, or emphasisany required music or sounds

Although some of the following instances require CAPPING, many will be judgement decisions. 

FIRST NOTE:

You CANNOT identify every costume, prop, or decor on the set. Ordinary objects that have no special significance to the narrative should be left [ in normal text].

SECOND NOTE:

… if a certain prop is important to the story, you should CAP it when it first appears, regardless of whether it is important to that particular scene.

WHEN TO CAP AND WHEN NOT TO CAP

CAPPED words can be effective only if they are used sparingly and appropriately, if CAPPED words are used too frequently, their significance will be lost.

3. THE DIALOGUE-BLOCK

The dialogue element, [also] called the dialogue-block, of the screenplay format consists of three components:

the character-name specifies which character is speaking…the dialogue reveals what is being said by that charactera parenthetical, when necessary, instructs [or indicated an element of] how or to whom the character [is speaking].                           EVANS                 (to the group)   Sorry I’m late. This round’s on me.

GENERAL RULES

ALWAYS contains the character-name and dialogue, and it MAY, if helpful, also contain parentheticals.is ALWAYS single spaced with no blank lines that internally separate the individual componentsis ALWAYS preceded and followed by a single blank line

[ Parentheticals should not be used too often, you should be attempting to provide context for how the character is delivering their line in the description by providing adequate mood/intensity/emotion.]

CHARACTER NAMES

A character-name is the designation used for the speaker…

… Once a character-name has been established, you MUST consistently use that name from that character.

For example, if you’ve introduced the character as COLIN PRYCE in the description, then you will probably want to use the designation COLIN or PRYCE in the dialogue-block.

DIALOGUE

Everything that the actor speaks that is heard by the audience is dialogue. 

[Dialogue] is ALWAYS written in basic prose with initial caps and proper punctuation. 

EMPHASIS IN DIALOGUE

To emphasize a particular word or phrase you should underline it.

OFF-SCREEN or VOICE-OVER CUES

[ Off-screen: when a character is not physically present in the scene peaks from a nearby location, close enough that they could enter the scene. Such a character might be speaking from a room out of view or from behind a concealed area.

Voice-over: (1) a voice heard from a mechanical device such as a telephone, radio, intercom, tape recorder, answering machine, walkie-talkie, etc. (2) The voice of a narrator, which is required when the dialogue is spoken by an unseen narrator. (3) The thoughts of a character, applied when a character is visually present and what is heard are their thoughts.

Usually, a character who is speaking dialogue is visually present within the scene. However, there are two important exceptions: off-screen and voice-over.

The off-screen (O.S.) and voice-over (V.O.) cues 

- ALWAYS follow the character-name on the same line- are ALWAYS enclosed in parentheses- are ALWAYS abbreviated in upper case.

PARENTHETICALS

Parentheticals are a convenient device to convey specific information about how the dialogue is being said… 

[Parentheticals] are ALWAYS enclosed by parentheses… are restricted to words, phrases, and fragments… ALWAYS apply to the dialogue that immediately follows it.

Parentheticals need to be concise and direct, indicating such brief information such as:

- to whom the character is speaking (to John), (into phone), (to himself)- a particular gesture or mannerism(raising his glass), (looking at her watch)- how the dialogue is being spoken(angrily), (coughing), (softly), (thick ____ accent)

WRITING PARENTHETICALS

Because parentheticals are limited to words and phrases, they [should always be written in lowercase and with no punctuation, for example:

(loudly)

No more than two directions should be included in any parenthetical. If two directions appear they should be separated by a semi-colon:

(to the class; loudly)

THREE SPECIAL CASES

- a (beat)- a (pause)- an (interrupting)

[A (beat) indicates a change of thought, suggests a moment of indecision, or conveys a dramatic effect.

A (pause) signifies that a break in the dialogue occurs. This is most often used in phone conversations. 

An (interruption) indicates that the dialogue begun be the previous speaker is being interrupted by the current character (there are a few different ways you can format this). ]

I won’t go any further than this because this is already extremely long, but ultimately I invite you to take a look at some of the scripts (here and here) I’ve written and doctored as an amateur screenwriter as well as digging up your own favourite movie scripts which will give you a good idea of how to implements what formatting.

[daely-trans-life]

Thoughts on gender and other matters (letter to a friend)

Dearest [Friend],

I finally got around to writing this email, god knows it's long overdue.

You've asked me to explain what lead me to the realisation that I might be transgender and well, that's a larger subject than what I can summarise in a text message (in fact this email might turn into a novel, in which case I'm very sorry), so here we go.

I can see how from an outside point of view it might come as a surprise, albeit for me this realisation is something that's been long in the making... Probably ever since I became aware of the concept of gender itself. 

To begin with, I need to explain a little bit about the culture I was raised in, because it ties into the delay significantly. It has to do with the societal expectations as much as the language... Hungarian has no gender markers for words and doesn't use gendered pronouns at all, which also means that in a way, the concept itself is way less defined and pronounced in the cultural context. That, coupled with the strict and rigid code of conduct regarding politeness and formality means that it's generally not discussed in society on any level, neither in family, between friends nor in public education.

It's a binary concept that's dependent on one's genetic makeup and primary sexual characteristics that is assigned at birth and never discussed further. It doesn't involve choice or exploration, and it's not viewed as a  spectrum the same way as it is customary in Western countries. But at the same time, traditional gender roles are built into society on every level, and while it's never mentioned, it's enforced and engraved in people way stronger than it is in for example Denmark.

So while as a teen/young adult, I could feel I didn't fit into the box of "girl" or "woman" the way others around me did, I had no vocabulary to describe my experience, and I definitely didn't have a platform for exploring it. On the few occasions when I mentioned it to some friends that I kind of view myself as both a man and a woman or maybe neither, the general answer was something to the effect of "well no shit?! are we meant to be surprised by this?", which was both baffling and very validating at the same time.

And then I moved out of the country and a whole new world of concepts and options and spectra opened up to me, where I also had the opportunity to learn more about my identity when it came to gender and sexuality. I quickly discovered that me not being straight was definitely a thing, and I learnt about labels that finally fit my experience and I found a community that welcomed me and that had people similar to myself in it. And that was all great, but it also taught me that gender was a Thing, and not only that, but it also had way more to it than just binary man and woman. 

And I went down that rabbit hole hard. I started identifying as non-binary, tried on a lot of labels and pronouns, some really out there ones too, mostly privately, while trying to find the one that felt right. And of course in the meantime I've met and learnt about trans people, and it kind of hit me how that specific experience resonated with me. But of course, I couldn't just BE a guy... Could I?

Well, no, of course not! Because I had parents that raised me as their daughter, I had a husband who married me to be his wife, and I had always been presented and perceived as a woman... It's not like I could just uproot my entire identity and claim a new one just because it would make me happy... I had others to think of and consequences to dread, and in general, I was too fucked up anyway to really be concerned with something like what noise people make to address me or what concept do they identify me with. So I buried the question deep, never touching it, because as long as I wasn't looking, it didn't hurt and I didn't get confused. And this worked for a while, until it obviously didn't.

And then years had passed and a few things happened. For one, I met my other partner, who also identifies as non-binary and who is way more into the queer aspects of life than my husband. And with Them, I got to talk about the things that have always bothered me and that I previously was unable to talk about. They taught me the language to express myself, not only with words but also with presentation. And while confined in the safety of our shared home, I've stepped onto the Rocky Road of Recovery, that involved a lot of mental healthcare, therapy, exploration and coming to terms with my identity in more than one way.

In a way, unraveling the tangle of issues I've been carrying around helped a lot too. I've been living with the vague sense of "there is something wrong with me" for so long that it just became the everyday reality of my life, and I kind of accepted that all the things I now know are symptoms of certain conditions, were just how life was supposed to be, that the world was supposed to be this hostile, low-key but always uncomfortable place with occasional bursts of horrible pain. And through all that, I still held myself to the expectations I was presented with by my upbringing, because throughout my life, whenever I tried to ask for help in any way, I was generally met with blame and dismissal, and I was taught that the only option was to bite my tongue and power through. So I bit down and did what I could and every time I broke down, I just dug my heels in and kept going until one day I couldn't go on anymore. 

And in a way, this was a blessing. Because finally, at the point where I completely gave up, I was presented with an abundance of care and actual help I've never received before. I went to psychiatry, I got my diagnoses, I got a social worker to help me, I got a therapist, and a damn good one for that, and I got the time to heal and figure myself out without having to worry about things like where I was going to live or what I was going to eat. And lo and behold, things started getting better. Of course, a year of therapy cannot undo 20 years of trauma and abuse, I didn't expect it to either, but it gave me tools to work with, ways to address and manage my symptoms and space to explore ways in which I could be happier, healthier and more stable than I've ever been before.

I'm on a good path, and in a good place now. I'm engaged to my partner, still happily married to my husband and we live in a loving, if a bit crooked family in a beautiful place at the countryside. For the first time I'm hopeful about the future and I feel like I have realistic expectations about my life and what I would be able to make of it. Of course there is still a lot of work to be done and a lot of ways I wish to improve, but these dreams had finally stopped being just that, and slowly morphed into goals, things I could actually achieve and I can see ways in which to do so. 

And so, now that happiness suddenly became a viable option, I started wondering about the questions of identity again, and well... I guess I just felt like my time has finally come. I'm almost thirty. Yeah, that's a bit late compared to many who had this figured out by their late teens, but hey, I'm young, I have most of my adult life ahead of me! And I finally have the space and the support network that gives me enough confidence to pursue my true identity and everything that comes with that. 

I'm taking it slowly though. It's scary as hell, and it's a huge step, and I still have a million questions and a million obstacles to overcome. But if my journey so far had taught me anything, that is that no decision is irreversible, there is no such thing as too late to change things, and that fear is never a good enough reason not to do what's right for you. I'm at square one right now, and I don't know if this is the path I'll stay on forever, but I feel like I owe myself to at least try. If I never committed to anything just because it might not last forever, I wouldn't be having the amazing life I have today, if I was even still alive. 

So that's where I stand. Sorry about the insanely long ramblings, now you know everything you never wished to know about my inner workings, but I don't quite know how to explain this in any other way than the extremely winded one. 

I miss you. I wish we could hang out and I could be, you know, not an absolute wreck for once :D I swear I'm a way funner person these days than I was when we used to hang out.

Lots of love,

Dae

P.s.: I guess this DID turn into a novel, sorry about that again! :$ xoxo

[samscns-blog]

      *    𝖎𝖋   ur  ready  to  two  step  into  some  absolute  BULLSHIT  tomfoolery  ,  ya  girl  𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧  is  ready  for  u  with  my  lil  firecrotch  son  ,  𝖘𝖆𝖒𝖘𝖔𝖓  .  strong  silent  type  ,  ABSOLUTE  buffoon  ,  barely  keeping  it  together  so  hopefully  by  the  time  we’re  done  w  him  he’s  still  in  something  resembling  one  piece  :’)  all  my  love  to  u  and  u  cute  asses  !  i’m  so  excited  to  get  this  all  poppin  !

⋆  ╰  another   year   at   hollingsworth   ,  another   year   of   the  big   six rivalry   .   i   hear   that  SAMSON  MAILOTO   is   ensuring  SIGMA  ALPHA  NU   gets   a   solid   pledge   class   and   stays   at   the   top   of   the   ranks   .  oh   ,   you’re   not   familiar   with  HIM  ?  SAM   is   the  KJ  APA   look   alike   from  THE  BRONX   ,   NEW  YORK   .   a  part   of   PC  ‘16   ,  he  is   majoring   in  KINESIOLOGY   and   has   plans   to  ENTER  THE  MMA  AND  ESCAPE  FROM  THE  PUBLIC  EYE   after   undergrad   .   it   makes   sense   they   pledged   their   house   ,   their  PHLEGMATIC   &  SOLICITOUS   attributes   make   them   perfect   matches   .   however   ,   their  TREPIDATIOUS   &  AUSTERE   attributes   keep   their   name   alive   on  greek   rank   .   if   you   don’t   catch   them   dancing   to  BLEACH   -   BROCKHAMPTON   at   a   fraternity   band   party   this   year   ,   you’ll   be   sure   to   catch   them   nursing   their   morning   hangover   at  THE  SNU  HOUSE   .  cheers   to   another   wild   semester  !

⋆ ╰   𝑺 𝑻 𝑨 𝑻 𝑰 𝑺 𝑻 𝑰 𝑪 𝑺  .

𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍    𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :     samson  ioaleki  mailoto

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬     :    sam  ,  sammy  

𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆    /    𝒂𝒈𝒆 :    february  4    ,    twenty

𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄     :    aquarius

𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚    /    𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔     :     cismale  identifying    with    he  /  him  /  his  pronouns    

𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏     :     heteroflexible  and  pansexual  ;  he’s  never  actively  considered  himself  as  lgbtq+  but  has  also  never  given  it  much  thought  ddjdjdjdkjdk

𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    :    kinesiology  major  at  hu  ,  aspiring  welterweight  mma  fighter  ,  us  olympic  representitive  for  men’s  boxing  in  the  2020  olympics

𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔    𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆    :    gryffindor

𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏    𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅    𝒃𝒚     :     eliot  alder  from  mr  robot  ,  kylo  ren  from  the  new  star  wars  series  ,  detective  elliot  stabler  from  law  and  order  svu  ,  steve  rogers  from  the  mcu  

𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔    :    -    trepidatious  ,  austere  ,  apprehensive  ,  hesitant  ,  antisocial  ,  hostile  ,  bellicose  .

+        phlegmatic  ,  solicitous  ,  benevolent  ,  rational  ,  stalwart  ,  loyal  ,  reliable  ,  optimistic  .

𝑃𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐸𝑆𝑇  located  here  !

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑻 𝑬 𝑪 𝑬 𝑫 𝑬 𝑵 𝑻 .

bullet  points  for  the  win  bc  who  has  time  for  all  the  tomfoolery  i  could  spew  from  my  ass  !

sammy’s  mom  was  a  housekeeper  in  upper  manhattan  for  some  fancy  dancy  homes  who  needed  their  gold  toilet  seat  covers  sanitized  3x  a  day  ,  u  know  the  type 🙄

samson  grew  up  in  a  run  down  apartment  in  a  small  samoan  community  in  the  bronx  and  has  always  been  a  lil  antisocial  weirdo  since  those  warm  dark  eyes  came  into  the  light  .  he  rlly  minded  his  own  business  n  wasn’t  really  curious  about  literally  anything  besides  running  and  wrestling  w  his  cousins  .  his  mom  struggled  to  keep  him  fed  and  housed  and  dressed  and  worked  relentless  hours  but  never  left  sam  needing  anything  ,  a  literal  fucking  legend  of  a  woman  and  he’s  proud  to  carry  her  last  name  !

sammy  always  felt  the  weight  of  never  wanting  to  be  an  extra  burden  to  his  mother  and  learned  to  really  be  self-sufficient  ,  likely  explaining  his  satisfaction  with  being  so  alone  

he  vaguely  remembers  the  night  his  life  changed  in  middle  school  ,  the  hushed  strained  whisper  from  the  living  room  ,  he’s  your  god  damned  son  too  ,  think  about  him  for  once  in  your  fucking  life  .  it  hit  like  a  fucking  train  once  the  story  picked  up  ,  5  time  nfl  superbowl  champ  father  to  secret  love  child  .  think  arnold  schwarznegger’s  secret  son  level  scandal  !  suddenly  his  shithead  of  a  dead  is  trying  to  salvage  his  image  ,  fighting  for  split  custody  arrangements  ,  telling  the  press  how  much  in  child  support  he  payed  ,  anything  to  save  his  ass

this  is  the  first  time  samson  remembers  being  fueled  by  rage  in  his  life  ,  as  a  relatively  well-tempered  child  ,  the  injustice  of  having  this  near-stranger  try  to  be  a  “  DAD  ” to  him  while  shitting  all  over  his  mother’s  name  made  his  fucking  blood  boil  and  becomes  a  theme  for  his  future

he  spends  the  next  chapters  of  his  life  going  to  the  fancy  private  schools  in  new  york  his  dad  picks  for  him  and  tearing  his  tie  off  on  the  ratty  bus  ride  into  the  bronx  to  go  home  to  his  mom  .  he  hates  having  to  haul  ass  back  and  forth  ,  wishing  he  could  stay  with  the  only  family  he’s  actually  given  a  shit  about  ,  but  bears  it  for  the  sake  of  not  causing  his  mom  any  more  torment  .  his  father  is  as  awful  as  could  be  imagined  ,  and  samson  hates  every  second  of  existing  with  him  ,  the  snarky  little  comments  at  school  and  in  the  ritzy  wealthy  circles  that  make  him  feel  more  of  a  black  sheep  than  he  ever  asked  to  be

this  becomes  the  root  of  his  anxiety  ,  bearing  the  weight  of  the  world’s  expectations  on  his  young  shoulders  and  repressing  his  own  needs  and  desires  as  a  result  .  he  goes  into  every  sport  imaginable  ,  his  father’s  DNA  being  increasingly  difficult  to  deny  ,  but  finds  a  particular  talent  with  fighting  and  takes  on  as  many  fighting  styles  as  he’s  able  to  master

turning  18  should  mean  freedom  for  sam  ,  but  nothing  is  ever  as  simple  as  he  could  ask  in  his  life  .  in  order  to  keep  the  child  support  payments  that  admittedly  help  keep  his  mother  afloat  ,  his  father  asks  one  more  thing  of  samson  :  hold  off  on  his  pro  mma  dreams  for  just  a  little  longer  in  order  to  attend  his  alma  matter  ,  hollingsworth  university  ,  as  a  publicity  move  and  then  he’ll  be  out  of  sam’s  life  in  every  way  except  financially  .  with  the  dream  of  completing  college  like  his  mom  always  aspired  for  him  ,  sam  agreed  and  went  on  to  appease  the  man  one  last  time  ,  joining  his  former  fraternity  to  sweeten  the  deal  (  and  secure  a  lovely  brownstone  in  his  childhood  neighborhood  signed  in  his  mother’s  name  )  and  is  a  year  out  from  graduating  and  letting  mma  be  the  only  reason  his  name  would  ever  appear  in  the  tabloids  .

⋆ ╰    𝑨 𝑵 𝑨 𝑳 𝒀 𝑺 𝑰 𝑺 .

personality  wise  ,  i  describe  sam  as  the  stupid  bitch  w  big  npc  energy  ,  if  u  want  him  to  talk  u  gotta  talk  to  him  first  and  even  then  he  might  just  give  u  that  hostile  stare  and  just  .. . .  remain  silent  KSDFSDF

he’s  about  as  NOT  a  people  person  as  physically  possible  ,  would  really  be  content  just  sticking  to  his  inner  circle  for  like  the  rest  of  his  life  without  concern  .  he  seems  like  this  rude  stand-offish  dick  but  the  truth  is  he’s  PAINFULLY  SHY  and  has  a  p  severe  case  of  generalized  anxiety  disorder  so  interactions  ?  w  new  ppl  ?  are  a  HARD  pass

did  i  mention  he’s  on  steriods  bc  that  def  adds  to  his  anxiety  and  hostility  !  lmao  !  he  started  juicing  in  high  school  when  his  dad  kept  pressuring  him  for  football  and  how  he  was  “  twice  your  size ”   at  that  age  ,  n  he  HATES  the  dude  but  he’s  also  lowkey  insecure  abt  his  lack  of  a  father  figure  so  ?  used  daddy’s  money  to  start  his  first  cycle  and  pay  off  to  test  clean  and  now  he’s  been  hooked  on  and  off  .  he’s  currently  starting  a  new  cycle  to  bulk  up  for  the  new  season  and  prep  for  the  2020  olympics  but  swears  he  wont  be  on  them  forever  :/

they  make  him  SUPER  aggressive  when  set  off  ,  it’s  a  decent  thing  that  sam’s  so  monotone  and  shy  that  he’s  also  pretty  laid  back  and  kinda  hard  to  rile  up  .  he  really  doesn’t  take  much  personally  and  won’t  do  a  huge  “  chest  pumped  bro  lets  do  this ”  show  bc  he  ?  thinks  all  those  guys  who  do  that  are  tools  LMAO  but  find  the  right  button  to  push  n  he’ll  become  the  very  thing  he  despises  !

if  u  can  get  past  the  literal  awkward  silence  and  resting  bitch  face  ,  sammy  is  actually  really  well  known  for  being  just  a  generally  decent  guy  .  the  perception  is  often  that  he’s  a  dick  bc  he  think’s  he’s  better  than  a  lot  of  ppl  ,  but  the  truth  is  he’s  just  too  nervous  to  start  conversations  n  most  ppl  assume  its  an  ego  thing  vs  a  “  i’m  about  to  piss  myself  thinking  abt  all  the  ways  this  convo  can  go  wrong  so  i’ll  just  not  talk  and  glare  @  u  instead  ”  thing

if  he  had  his  shit  together  he  would  definitely  qualify  as  a  dad  type  ,  but  since  he  doesn’t  ,  he  won’t  SSHSHSHSH  but  he’s  really  just  a  softie  deep  down  ,  he  has  a  stupid  as  HELL  sense  of  humor  and  is  really  objective  and  level  headed  .  the  gryffindor  in  him  is  DEEPLY  loyal  ,  like  to  the  death  ,  but  he’s  got  lots  of  hufflepuff  in  the  sense  that  he’s  really  willing  to  get  his  hands  dirty  to  help  those  in  need  .  u  need  help  moving  ?  someone  to  keep  u  company  while  u  babysit  ?  feel  nervous  walking  alone  after  class  at  night  ?  sammy  might  leave  u  on  read  if  u  text  him  bc  he’s  a  Dumb  Bitch  like  that  but  he’ll  show  up  on  the  dot  ,  hands  in  pockets  ,  exactly  where  u  asked  him  to  be  ready  to  do  what  u  asked  him  to  do  .  the  mans  is  a  super  hard  worker

he  def  still  feels  kinda  weird  at  uni  ?  he’s  p  smart  but  some  of  the  classes  unrelated  to  athletics  and  anatomy  have  given  him  a  REALLY  tough  time  (  dance  appreciation  for  his  fine  arts  credit  almost  tanked  his  gpa  LMAO  )  and  he’s  not  top  of  his  class  or  anything  but  ppl  still  try  to  talk  to  him  bc  of  the  whole  “  famous  dad  ,  future  olympian  ”  thing  ,  which  he  can  pick  up  from  a  mile  a  way  and  makes  him  super  uncomfortable  .  even  being  in  a  frat  w  a  bunch  of  old  money  rich  boys  makes  him  DEF  feel  like  the  odd  one  out  ,  and  he’s  just  counting  down  the  days  until  he’s  OUT  OF  HERE

in  conclusion  :  i  love  u  all  .  lets  suffer  together  .  :~)

[nakshpatel4569-blog]

25 Resume writing tips which will help you to land your dream job.

Having a well-crafted resume can be the key for getting your dream job. But figuring out how to craft resume that increase your chances to be getting hired among other candidates?

Well search no more, we have compiled all resume tips over here which will lead you land your dream job.

Tailor your resume before every job you apply for

Read and understand the job description thoroughly and highlight the skills, company requirements, and anything that relates with your experience in your resume needed in the job.

Open yourself to various applications

Don't reject the applications if you can't fulfil all the skills they are looking for. Companies know there's no candidate with ALL the skills and characteristics they want. Besides, they also get tons of applications from total beginners.

So what’s wrong with lacking one or two skills they’re asking for? Nothing, so don’t let it stop you. It all comes down to how valuable you can be to their team, based on your resume.

Choosing the best resume introduction / objective

How you begin your resume depends on several factors. These includes:

What industry you’re part of

What stage your career is in

You’re entering in the field or established in the field

You’re in the midst of career change

Keep these items in mind when writing a resume introduction

Tailor it to the position:

Instead of writing general objective, tailor it specifically for the job you’re applying for. Start by mentioning the job description and highlights the skills or requirements that aligns you to the job role. When you include an objective specific to job role, the recruiter is likely to dig deeper in the resume.

Lead with your strongest attributes: Write the strengths relevant to the job role and also share the attributes which you’re proud of. For example, “Dedicated and experienced,” “Accomplished leader,” or  “Organized and driven”

Describe how you’ll add values to the organization: Managers and employers wants to know how you can add values to their organization. Mentioning values you can add to the organization increases your chances of getting hired with compare to other candidates having same skills and experience.

Where to put the education section in your resume

The two best places for your education section are:

Before your experience section – If you’ve just graduated, consider putting your education section before your experience section because you probably have more educational background than work experience at this point of time.

After your experience section – If you’re established professional, consider putting your work experience before your education because hiring manager or employer will find your work experience much more relevant at this point in your career.

Keep it Recent and Relevant

Only show the most recent and relevant job titles you’ve held. Remove job titles irrelevant to your current professional goals. This frees up space to boost your skills, achievements, or certifications.

Include job relevant certification and awards

Adding job relevant certification and awards, can potentially help you to make your application more convincing. Here are a few examples:

Certifications

Publications

Professional Memberships

Awards & Recognitions

Create a separate section as well to put volunteer work which you have done.

Achievement oriented

Adding achievements to your experience section is one of the best things you can do for your resume. Use method called ‘PAR’ which stands for problem, action and results.

Problem: Identify a responsibility or issue at the workplace

Action: Discuss how you were able to address this problem

Results: What was the outcome of the actions you took?

It gives recruiters a tangible sense of how you use your skills to get results.

Check out the sample: To increase the profit, I implemented reselling strategy for the services we provide, resulting in a 15% increase of profit.

Using digits in the accomplishments

Digits usually stand out in the sea of text as it makes it catchier. Using digits to mention your accomplishments should be put in the start of the sentence.

For example: 20% increase in ROI, by optimizing and automating the email marketing

Try to create curiosity by making the recruiters taking interest in you and hence they will call you.

Make sure the first three words are highlighted and emphasized to make an impression

The first three words and last three words recruiter remembers the most in headlines. Use numbers, results, or power words to make your first three words count.

Don’t write the full life story

Resumes are usually are small and relevant to the job requirement rather than being telling the whole life story. Think it is as an abstract of your present career and potential future.

Avoid writing generic skills

As we know there are two types of skills soft skills and hard skills. It is usually avoided to write the soft skills such as interaction, critical thinking, problem solving, teamwork etc. The reason to it is because these isn’t the necessary tools for a job.

Choose to add your social media links wisely

Any other link apart from LinkedIn is not suggested to add in the resume. However in certain circumstances, linking your social media links can apply your application.

Resume Formatting Tips

Reverse Chronological order

Start your professional history with your current or previous job. Don’t hide your employments using a functional resume, unless you have a long job gap or a similar situation that necessitates it.

Appropriate fonts size

It is usually advised to use the same font size everywhere but you can change the font size especially in the header section or in the main important fields like education, experience and hobbies and interests.

If in doubt use:

Font size 12 is standard

Arial and Times New Roman are the recommended fonts to use

Use caps

Caps are essential part on giving out an emphasis. But do not use the caps on the sentence that might sound controversy.

Length of resume

Limit your resume to two pages. Any more than that and you run the risk of some pages not getting the attention it deserves.

Work on your grammar

Avoid using pronouns especially the personal pronouns like I, me, myself, etc. Usually these pronouns are not used in a resume because the whole resume is talking about yourself.

Application Tracking Software

Many large corporations now use ATS software to sort through the thousands of applications they receive on a regular basis. These systems search for keywords and key phrases relevant to the position they’re hiring for and filter out applicants who did not use the correct vocabulary.

Don’t Use Your College Email

Regarding resume tips for college students: It’s best to avoid using your university email account, especially if you’re about to graduate. Some schools will mercilessly delete your account when you leave – leaving any job related communications you had there gone with the wind.

Proofread and then proofread again.

Even the most confident writer is not immune to typos. Once you’ve finished writing, double-check, and then triple-check your resume for small errors. Ideally, ask a friend to proofread it too in order to provide a second set of eyes.

Save Your Resume as a PDF

While most people just attach their resume to their emails in a .doc format, it’s worth attaching it as a PDF file as well. PDFs retain their formatting regardless of how they are viewed, so they’re your best bet when sending your application out electronically.

Search and apply for the jobs

Search for the job online on Taskiy.net (www.taskiy.net). Taskiy.net allows you to search for the jobs by Title, category, keyword, location and even companies. Thousands of jobs from all over the world are updated on everyday be sure to check frequently.

Include a cover letter in your email

Cover letters are an essential accompaniment to your resume because they provide hiring managers with insight into how your experience matches their requirements. For consistency, try writing a cover letter template that aesthetically complements your resume. We have a cover letter writing strategies as well as cover letter tips if you’re ready to explore at this stage.

Remember to attach all documents in an email

It is nothing more embarrassing then sending an email to hiring manager twice because you forgot to attach all documents in the first email.

Double check the mail body, recipient name, recipient email address, attachments, subject line before sending off any email for the job application.

Last but not Least… Follow Up!

These days it’s expected that you’ll follow up your application with an email or phone call, not just to confirm whether the employer received your application, but also to ask if they had any questions and express your desire to discuss the job in person.

By calling or emailing after sending your resume you are indicating persistence, diligence, and a strong desire to be their number one candidate.

[mentosmorii]

I just saw the Dictionary.com tweet on the use of singular “they” in old texts, and I actually have a bit of information regarding the history of singular “they”! It’s true that ‘they’ was used as early as the 14th century as a singular, gender-encompassing pronoun — take, for example, this quote from the Wycliffe Bible:

Eche on in þer craft ys wijs." ("Each one in their craft is wise.") — Wycliffe's Bible, Ecclus. (1382) 

As a rule of thumb, if something crops up in writing during a time when the production of manuscripts was far more difficult than it is today, it is safe to assume that it pops up in daily speech quite often. For “þer” (their) to be used as a generic singular pronoun indicates its usage in speech was quite common — yet something changed around the 18th century (around the 1750s, to be exact). There was a movement grammatically to move away from the singular “they” due to the argument that ‘they is always plural, and a plural pronoun cannot take a singular antecedent’. I find this highly ironic, as this movement was coming on the coattails of the canonization of ‘you’ as being able to function both as a singular and a plural pronoun — so recent, in fact, that in 1660, George Fox (the founder of Quakerism) had published a novel deriding those who used the singular “you” as being uneducated and a degrading force upon the English language. 

So, what gives? Why the pushback against ‘they’ as being the singular generic pronoun? 

Well, first of all, let’s look at the function of grammar and the context of the time. Grammar can serve two purposes: first, as a tool that enhances clarity in communication, and two, as a tool that hinders clarity in favor of creating a way to distinguish class via forms of speech. When looking at the context of the 18th century, there would have been many reasons why the upper echelons of society would have been facing anxieties surrounding their prestige and importance in society. (Zuber & Reed)

Although historians debate whether the political upheaval between 1642 and 1660 counts as a “revolution,” there can be no doubt that these events had a profound and lasting on impact on how writers and readers perceived the nation’s social hierarchy. The creation of a republic in 1649 not only eliminated the king but also temporarily raised a stratum of the “middling sort”—including minor gentry, yeomen, domestic traders, shopkeepers, and army officers—into positions of unprecedented power and influence. This upstart regime abolished the House of Lords and subjected the royalist aristocracy and gentry to sequestration, severe fines, and the ruinous exploitation of their land... The restoration of the old regime in 1660, including the nobility and the bishops, was celebrated with a ceremonial magnificence that impressed even former officials in Oliver Cromwell’s government, such as Samuel Pepys, with a sense of royalist fervor and gratitude for restored order.

 [In the coming years, s]waggering displays of rank in the English aristocracy in fact disguised its own internal divisions, anxieties, and diminished confidence. (Hudson)

In essence, although the aristocracy managed to hold onto immense power, their social prestige was fraught — plays and literature at the time reflected this, with many pieces raising a critical lens to many of the elements of the upper class. As Terry Eagleton in The Function of Criticism writes, attempts to conserve authority crop up in times of political and economic upheaval, with linguistic authority being no different, and a threatened aristocracy could preserve its status by distinguishing itself grammatically (Zuber & Reed). As Neil Postman and Charles Weingartner explain, grammars also serve to “defend the language from ‘decay’” (49), i.e. from change associated with those who threatened social order (Zuber & Reed). 

Furthermore, England was staunchly coming into its position as a brutal imperial power. In “So Male a Speech”, Elizebeth Sklar suggested that codifying the language as “masculine” was a tool necessary to instating England’s specific type of colonialism — one that invaded the countries it imposed itself upon on a linguistic level as well as physical and political (think about why so many non-American and British individuals end up speaking English due to the historical presence of these powers on a global scale). In Zuber and Reed’s analysis of Sklar’s work, they write that, “in respose to perceived threats to established social hierarchies, to Britain’s imperial role, and to [patriarchical hierarchies], grammar[ rule books’ appear in unprecedented numbers: Sklar observes that more than 200 were published in England between 1750 and 1800″ (Zuber & Reed). 

This trend would continue, with in 1850 parliament passing “An Act for shortening the language used in acts of Parliament,” which ordered, “that in all acts words importing the masculine gender shall be deemed and taken to include females” i.e. that the singular he should be used instead of the singular “they” in pieces of law. 

Now, regardless of this trend in the 18th century and early 19th, people still used singular “they” — it is and always has been more inclusive, less presumptive of gender, and more intuitive than alternatives. However, a similar trend has been cropping up in the second half of the twentieth century. Zuber and Reed have noted that this trend of cracking down on the usage of the singular “they” mirrors the trend in the 18th century, with the anxieties this time of the “aristocracy analog” playing into a staunch refusal of linguistic evolution that has already come and passed them by. In Patricia Bizzell and Bruce Herzberg’s, “The Rhetorical Tradition”, the authors point to this trend of the rejection in high-society of the singular “they” as coinciding with the sixties, “when [a] burst of theory, combined with campus political activism, led to self-evaluation and efforts at disciplinary renewal [of conservativism]” — and Zuber and Reed point to the 60s and 70s as the time when many American colleges and universities established open-admission policies that seemed to threaten the prestige of traditional higher education — just as the aristocracy of 18th century England used language to distinguish themselves linguistically from the common man, so did high academia wish to create a similar distinction when the simple association of higher academia and monied whiteness began to break apart. 

tl:dr? “they” should be considered grammatically correct as a singular, gender-neutral pronoun, and arguments against the usage of ‘they’ as a singular pronoun are part of a history that attempts to use grammatical rules to impede, rather than enhance, clarity of communication.

Sources

Gerner, Jürgen (2000). "Singular and Plural Anaphors of Indefinite Plural Pronouns in Spoken British English". In Kirk, John M. (ed.). Corpora Galore: Analyses and Techniques in Describing English: Papers from the Nineteenth International Conference on English Language Research on Computerised Corpora (ICAME 1998). Rodopi. pp. 93–114.

Zuber, Sharon, and Ann M. Reed. “The Politics of Grammar Handbooks: Generic He and Singular They.” College English, vol. 55, no. 5, 1993, pp. 515–530. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/378587.

Meyers, Miriam Watkins. “Current Generic Pronoun Usage: An Empirical Study.” American Speech, vol. 65, no. 3, 1990, pp. 228–237. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/455911.

Baron, Dennis E. “The Epicene Pronoun: The Word That Failed.” American Speech, vol. 56, no. 2, 1981, pp. 83–97. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/455007.

Baron, Dennis. “A Brief History of Singular 'They'.” Oxford English Dictionary, 29 Mar. 2019, public.oed.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/.

Sklar, Elizabeth S. “So Male a Speech: Linguistic Adequacy in Eighteenth-Century England.” American Speech, vol. 64, no. 4, 1989, pp. 372–379. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/455731.

Hudson, Nicholas. "Literature and Social Class in the Eighteenth Century." Oxford Handbooks Online.  April 17, 2015. Oxford University Press,. Date of access 18 Jun. 2019, <https://www.oxfordhandbooks.com/view/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199935338.001.0001/oxfordhb-9780199935338-e-007>

Postman, Neil, and Charles Weingartner. “Linguistics: A Revolution in Teaching”. New York: Dell, 1966.

[aparecium-hq]

I apologize for this being late! I had it queued, but this is why we can't trust the queue.

Welcome to Aparecium, Wes! You have been accepted for Albus Potter. We are so excited to have you back! You bring such an interesting and complex lens to the character, and we’re happy to see him on the dash again. Check out the new member checklist, and jump right in.

Character Basics

Age: 21 years old

Birthdate: 15 March 2006

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Homosexual, homoromantic

Blood Status: Halfblood

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Occupation: Researcher at the Minstry

Faceclaim: Aubrey Joseph

Any requested changes: Not at all! I put a spin on this Albus, making him a little less buttoned up and a little more of a problem child. Ya know. Something that goes a little for the fire.

Biography:

The middle Potter, the second son of a hero, Albus Potter has lived a certain amount of his life in the public eye. He’s always been conscious of attention, desiring it less and less as he grew older. He finds respite in close acquaintances and good friends, small settings and familiar environments. His family, though sometimes the very people he’s clashing with, are always his first source of solace and comfort. Whatever tensions they might have, they’re his people. And woe be told to anyone who crosses the line in his presence.

From a young age, Albus showed a taciturn bent and found himself at his Aunt Hermione’s side with frequency. Books and stories became his companions as much as his brother. And sometimes to better effect. He devoured literature, asked his aunt and parents for lessons and primers, and had a raging row over the fact that other children could go to primary school. He saw Hogwarts and education as the next great challenge, the next great adventure. He saw it as where he truly belonged.

How wonderfully cruel that reality can be.

Hogwarts wasn’t the worst thing really. It was a learning experience to be sure, in more than just the academics. Sorted into Slytherin and falling into a different vein than his brother and father, he acquired more than a little gossip. But Albus had been backed into an unfamiliar corner before, so he did what came naturally. His tongue lashed, far faster than his wand ever could, and he caught trouble with it. A black eye and a split lip were his reward, but the third year Gryffindor was on the ground and his opinion amongst his housemates was settled: he was a snake, through and through.

He learned quickly, taking in everything he could from his housemates and classes. He learned that his reserved nature was a gap people had to cross, that the masks he used out of indifference or out of annoyance with the press were tools at his disposal, he learned that his words were not just barbs, but arrows. By his third year, he changed tones and temperaments like cloaks, dressing for the occasion as it was warranted. He found that the most effective mask though, was indifference. He could take on the affect of the uninterested, the teen who was there just to be there. It let him sink to the back, people looking over him for someone more interested. And that gave Albus the thing he valued most : time.

From his seat in the background, he developed a knack for patterns that spread naturally to arithmancy while his ability to apply accumulated logic on the fly endeared him to charms all the more. They became his best subjects, followed rather quickly by history of magic. Though that one? That was a practiced study. Especially after the Madley Properies came about.

The change of the world while he was at Hogwarts was sudden. The access to more technology meant access to more information. Muggle information. Albus devoured it all, spending hours cross referencing magical history with muggle timelines, building comprehensive understanding of events and their influence on either side of the Statute of Secrecy. How the political actions in the muggle world influenced the economic realities of the magically community, or how a magical malady could seep over into the muggle world and insight chaos because of the tiniest bit of other. He learned that things were far more interconnected than most people thought.

And he realized how absolutely mad changing anything quickly was.

He graduated with respectable marks in his favored disciplines, with his only truly problematic grade coming in Defense. But he wasn’t looking to join his father in the Aurors. Eventually he wanted to end up somewhere in the DMLE, somewhere in regulation and jurisprudence. But first, he needed information. His classes were dreadfully sparse on the machinations that drove their society, and that’s what he needed to understand. He’d never had to fake an interest in his Aunt Hermione’s work, and the right words had him at the Ministry, running paper and writing briefs and other monotonous work best left to the newly graduated. But he was there. That was the important part.

He worked in the depths of the Ministry’s archives, pulling up documents and cross referencing whatever needed to be done. He ran errands, made tea, and hug out in the break-room generally putting on the show of being a disaffected teen working simply because he had to. And it made sense that he was in the Ministry, being who he was after all. Why it made perfect sense that he was wandering into the Minster’s office to bother his family.

Just a nephew visiting his aunt. Nothing sinister in that.

Now at twenty-one, Albus has become something of a fixture in the research apparatus of the magical government of England. His pattern recall and gift for memorization has made him the place where most research inquiries begin: ask Potter, he’ll show you how to start. His analytical mind lends itself to complicated cross application of policy and precedent and his use of technology in the filing system has made him indispensable. He’s still technically a lowly researcher in the basement of the government buildings, but it’s a carefully crafted image. He’s sitting carefully at the center of a web of ministry communication and employees, feeding on and putting out information as needs musts.

Sociability:

When he’s not picking at threads in the archives or catching up on muggle current events, he tries to still be there for his family and friends. His social life is somewhat dominated by the demands of his job, limiting what free time he does take for himself. He is there for his family in almost every way, though he misses some of the closeness that came with his siblings when they were younger. For Scorpius, his best friend and his roommate, he would literally drop the world to ash if it needed. And he…tries not to dwell exactly on that why too close. Somethings don’t withstand scrutiny after all. His collection of acquaintances are rather wide ranging, from work colleagues to other integrationists to a group of online friends who helped him when he was first coming to terms with his sexuality and took him to his first muggle pride in London. He also has a sort of listing of past dalliances, both magical and muggle, that he looks upon with varying levels of fondness.

Personality:

Albus still resembles that inquisitive child he was, somewhat quieter and more reserved than his family and always searching for some new bit of information. He’s lost some of the taciturn qualities however, finding his voice through reasoned arguments and biting wit. He will still default to the disaffected look and attitude if he feels uncertain or if he’s getting his footing around new people. He’s not afraid to speak his mind, but does try to find the path of least offense unless his ultimate goal is to cause offense and put someone on the back foot. He wears his opinions and uses language like masks, speaking openly but not always directly. It is those that know him best, Scorpius and Rose and his closest family, that see the true Albus. He’s a stack of books on a rainy Saturday morning, the smell of coffee and old leather in the air. He’s a passionate debate over dry martinis, the smell of cigarette smoke mingling with gin and the buzz of conversation. He’s good friends and late nights, fairy lights low and spirits high and flowing freely.

Appearance:

Much like he appropriated language and history from his housemates, he also picked up on their habits of dress. Fine robes and well cut wizarding garb are part of his armor when the need arises. He can blend into a fine crowd at a Ministry gala. Custom Savile Row suits in bright colors and modern patterns mix with those But his own personal style is much more into the realm of comfortable muggle wear.

Character Questionnaire (In Character):

What does your character value in a friendship?

Is it cheating to say discretion? No? Then that simply must be the answer. When one grows up with a certain amount of notoriety… a name that is recognizable and splashed across the press of the realm near daily… a friend who knows when to bluff, when to keep things private is worth their weight in gold. Quite literally. And there is so much caught up in that word as well. Discretion. It’s not just secrecy. It’s trust. And with that I believe truly, there must be some level of affection there. A warmth and familiarity that breed such a level of trust. There are people for whom I have great affection, and even great trust, but for who I don’t believe are discrete. It’s that bit extra, that pinch more wit and courage and resolve that make it the better value.

How would a stranger who has just met your character describe them?

Oh Circe, this is such a loaded question. A stranger? Well it really depends upon the circumstances you know. Where are we? Drinks is very different than a fundraiser than a friendly pick up game of Quidditch. Though why I made mention of the last, I really haven’t a clue. But the point remans; where did we meet? I’d like to think that I leave people at least somewhat assured that I know what I’m talking about, even if that does mean I come off as a bit of an ass. And as cold as it may sound, so much of this might come down to how I want them to remember me. It changes the way one approaches a stranger, if they think it’s only for a moment or there’s something more there. Whatever that more might be. Well at the very least, it means I try not to burn bridges I’ve only just encountered.

What magical skill or talent is your character most proud of?

Can we consider memory a skill? A talent? I’m not sure it’s honed like a blade or conditioned like a muscle. But I do think I’m very good at it. Or with it. Memorizing. Recalling. Things just sort of…stick up there. Referenced and catalogued. A font of utterly useless information. But information that can be applied, brought forward when needed to dramatic effect or for some nefarious purpose. Dreadfully useful, in work and in life. I don’t forget birthdays. Though I do sometimes forget to shop for them…so it’s rather an imperfect skill. Talent. Part of me, whatever.

Para Sample

Albus slunk into the office of the Minister, smiling at the empty space. When his aunt had taken the space, she’d updated the furnishing and brought in a bit of muggle sensibility and style. Because the office really hadn’t been updated since Victoria was on the throne. But by far, the most important addition was the proper bar.

Because not all of life could be firewhiskey and butterbeer.

He went through the motions, moving with practiced easy in something that became almost meditative. Gin and vermouth joined ice in a cylinder. Glasses were hit with a careless flick of his wand, the chilling charm sending ice crystals skittering across the surface. It was so familiar it gave him time to think. He’d been listening as much as he’d been researching, pulling and compiling information for the Muggles of Magical Status Act. Anything that was such a cornerstone of his aunt’s political platform needed proper understanding.

Much of the research he’d found on granting status to magical beings was cached in old Imperial language. It was almost a direct link between old notions of the civilizing message of the muggle Crown and the idea of the savage magical user in the wix community. It was more than a little problematic, and something that he was glad his Aunt was taking steps to address. Once again, that muggle upbringing was helping in all the right ways. And the opposition he was hearing was more wrapped in fear. Again, unsurprising. But that at least, was something he could manage.

He gave the cold cylinder a stating shake and grinned at the voice behind him.

“What a cheering sound after a dull meeting.” Aunt Hermione called out as she stepped into the office.

“Thought you could do with a pick me up after that last meeting,” Albus replied with a grin, giving a few more vigorous shakes before straining the martini into the chilled glasses. “And before I give you a rundown of what I’ve found out. Did you want research or gossip first?”

[heartofaquamarine]

“Every model is wrong, but some are useful”

The title of this post comes from the statistician George Box, and discusses how the mathematical models we use to analyse and predict the world cannot, by their nature as an understandable simplification, provide an exact model of the world. That is to say, they are “wrong”. However, the errors can be small enough that we can use the models to make predictions that hold up in real life, such as how much weight a bridge can carry. That’s where the “useful” part comes in. A good example of this is the ideal gas law. No actual gas follows this law, but under certain conditions, their behaviour is close enough that it doesn’t matter.

An important thing to understand is you can have multiple models to describe the same thing. There are a vast array of different climate models, for instance, and while they broadly agree with each other there are important differences in the details. Some of these are due to limitations on computing power and time available, some are focused on certain aspects such as aerosol production, and some are simply using a new method of modelling the world. When we are dealing with subjects as complex as human sexuality or the climate, we need to simplify them somewhat to allow us to grasp, if not the whole concept, as much of it as we can. All of these models will lose some important details, hence why they are all wrong, but some retain enough of the information that we can use them to understand the world.

Quite a few other statisticians have issues with this aphorism, but that’s not what I want to talk about here. I want to talk about gender and sexuality, and how we think about them. A common comment, when we look back at history and retroactively apply certain traits and sexualities to them, is that they wouldn’t have chosen those terms because their internal models are entirely different. Parts of Greece and Rome, for instance, are said to have defined the roles in male-male sexual encounters in terms of who is being penetrated and who is doing the penetration. Nowadays we would define both partners as homosexual, but they used a different model to understand their interactions than we do now. Different people at different times, different places and in different circumstances will use different models Someone using a different model of sexuality and gender to you is not inherently bad, or a judgement on you. I say not inherently because there are absolutely models that fail that include various points. I’m going to use asexuality here as an example because that’s my own experiences, but I think the general points could be modified slightly and applied to most sexualities. Incomplete models, that is, ones that cannot handle the idea of someone not being attracted to anyone, fall into two catagories. The first is the “innocently” incomplete model; it is not that the person disbelieves in asexuality, but rather the idea that there is a gap in their empirical model of reality just hasn’t occurred to them. Contrast this to what we might call the “active” incompleteness model, where the model actively denies the existence of asexuality. I’ve encountered both of these kinds of incomplete model, as I suspect a lot of people have, and while the models are superficially similar how they react to the addition of an asexual person, or at least a person who claims they are asexual like myself. I put the “claims to be” part in there not as a way of throwing suspicion onto myself, but rather to acknowledge that people will claim I am lying or mistaken, that it is not possible to not be attracted to someone (you can insert “attracted to your own gender”, “attracted to more than one gender” or any other phrase you like there). Both models are wrong in the same way but the second model has a built in mechanism to avoid expanding the model to take into account an aspect of reality it had been lacking. The other thing about models is that, once you get beyond a certain point, adding more detail doesn’t help unless you are using a model for a particular purpose that takes that detail into account. The various terms and models of sexuality that we classify as being on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums are important if you are in a situation that requires the distinction to be made. Usually this means you are, or are interacting with, someone under that umbrella or wish to compare the model to your own experiences to see if you might be under that umbrella yourself. For most people most of the time, adding this detail just adds more mental computing power, and it is enough to acknowledge that, yes, you might need to increase the resolution on your model when dealing with that particular area, just like a meteorologist looking at one particular region will increase that resolution, but for now your model is wrong, but useful in that it acknowledges the existence of the asexual spectrum.

 A really good example of this is the romantic/sexual attraction divide. This is a really important distinction in the ace community, between romantic asexuals and aromantic asexuals, and it is also useful for people outside of it (for example, there are bisexuals who are only romantically attracted to one gender), but is useless if your romantic and your sexual attractions line up. It can even muddy the waters by introducing an alleyway that might not lead you to a helpful option. That being said, the mere fact that such a model is not useful to everyone does not make it useless, merely that we need to shift our discussions about such models from “this is how the world works” to “here are mental tools to help understand the world and your place in it, and here are some possible limitations to them”. I think gender is even more complicated to model than sexuality just because frankly I think the boundaries we have set on our concept of gender are incredibly fuzzy. The less well defined something is, the more difficult it is to model accurately, and we are really bad at defining gender. I think the three main models are as follows: biological gender, which states that someone’s gender is predetermined by their biology, usually chromosomes or genitals, social gender, in which gender is defined by the range of social expectations allowed with in it, and individual gender, in which gender is a property of each individual, that must be defined by each individual and social gender dynamics grow out of these definitions and their statistical distribution. Notably I have listed this in increasing order of immediate complexity. Biological gender claims to be less an explanatory model and more an empirical observation; these are the two types of people. I’m not fond of it for a couple of reasons. Firstly it doesn’t actually position the information in a new or useful way; it is merely a description of biological factors, and the distribution curves for what it tries to predict are large enough and include enough other factors that breaking it down this way doesn’t add anything. Secondly, it fails to account for intersex and non-binary people. The two ways it handles these are either to ignore them as edge cases, which works up until you need to include them as part of the model, or to outright deny their existence, which again, reduces the model’s effectiveness at describing reality. To make matters worse for this mode, it isn’t actually a particularly useful model day to day; when choosing what pronouns to apply to someone (a process that in itself is a conceptual model; there are languages with only one, non-gendered third person pronoun), you don’t ask for a karyotype test result or compared genitalia, but rather make the assumption from visible signifiers which don’t inherently match the biological sex.

 The second one, social gender can be useful in examining social mechanisms and constructs, but in doing so creates a lot more edge cases. Now it isn’t just intersex and non-binary people that must be accounted for, but gender non-confirming people who, by definition, are edge cases in the model. The social model of gender becomes particularly dangerous, rather than simply incomplete to an alarming degree, when it becomes prescriptive instead of descriptive. To paraphrase a certain first century carpenter “The model was made for the people, the people were not made for the model”.

 The final model, the individual model, essentially simply increases the resolution as high as it can go, and relies on people’s internal definition of gender. Full disclosure; I am agendered, so I don’t actually understand what it means to have a particular gender, but some people I know have very clear internal definitions. Some of these are based on physical sex or social norms; I think there’s quite a few cisgendered people who lack an internal definition like myself, but don’t have a reason to use a definition other than the biological one. We could call this being cis by default. Other definitions of gender are highly idiosyncratic, and to be honest I think this is inevitable just because, like I said above, the initial parameters that we are trying to model are really badly defined. What do we mean by gender? What weighting do we put onto different aspects of it? And that’s before we get into the question of working out the mechanisms that give rise to it; untangling biological and social influences is difficult enough given we can’t isolate and raise babies in a controlled lab because ethics is a thing and is important. As such, I think the best way to proceed is to find your own model, but acknowledge that it is not universal and accept other people’s own models of their gender. It’s unsatisfying, but at this point, what else can we do?

[audible-smiles]

a manifesto of sorts

my first therapist, the one who failed me the most profoundly, was (and is) a butch lesbian

as a young teenager I had, haltingly, tried to talk to my mom about the sudden onset of post-puberty gender dysphoria (although I didn’t have those words for it yet). wildly out of her depth, she quite sensibly made an effort to find me a therapist (a friend of a friend) who she thought might understand

I went, and (wearing in a binder and oversized clothes) curled up on her couch with my knees pulled up to my chin. I could barely speak, but slowly I poured my heart out

she listened, and then pulled out her copy of the DSM and informed me that since I had not had these feelings since early childhood, I was not a transsexual. that was the end of any conversation about medical treatment. she then leaned forward and proceeded to tell me, quite earnestly, that it was ok for women to be masculine. in particular, I remember a story in which she had been mocked for going fishing with her father as a child. I had gone fishing with my father as a child, and had never once thought of it as some kind of gender-deviant activity. I had been raised in a different era than her, a different place, a different world. it was a precious kind of freedom, that it genuinely had never occurred to me that I might not be allowed to go fishing.

this therapist did not have vocabulary or theory for me. she did not have advice. she did not have coping mechanisms. she did not have historical context, or book recommendations, or even the ability to demonstrate that she understood the kind of suffering I was trying to describe. if she had ever felt dysphoria herself- not just intense frustration at the pervasive misogyny that was so much more limiting for her generation than mine, but actual physical discomfort- she said nothing about it. I described bodily suffering, and she responded by telling me that I was a lesbian, and that I could wear men’s clothing if I wanted. (I was, and I did want!) but she wasn’t listening, and she had no tools to give me. after two sessions I understood that I would get no help here. I went home and told my mom I wasn’t trans. she said “thank goodness, those people have such hard lives”.

I wore men’s clothes sometimes. it helped; it didn’t help enough. the stress of my ongoing discomfort eventually triggered my first depressive episode. with meds, I struggled up out of that black pit over a period of years. at some point I read Stone Butch Blues (like everybody does) and it was a revelation (as it always is). I remember thinking ‘why did no one ever tell me that lesbians could feel like that?’ eventually I went to college, and the number of trans people I knew quadrupled almost overnight.

when I turned, in those years, to transgender theory, medical treatment, and community, it was because I had to. they didn’t seek me out in order to steal me away from gay people- I felt drawn to them as my kinfolk, exactly the same way I felt drawn to gay (and bisexual) people. but I had finally exhausted the limited resources of cis gay communities when it came to genderqueerness, and I needed to move on. trans people have unique and valuable ways of knowing, a magic and a wisdom and a community all their own. (and neuroses, and silliness, like every group) I am profoundly grateful for everything they’ve shared with me. they have given me empathy, love, understanding, and encouragement, when no one else did. they have been, and always will be, my friends. my people.

but at the same time, I recognize that there is a point at which our paths and our experiences diverge. I have been on testosterone; I elected not to continue. I have been given the opportunity to change the sex on my passport- I stowed the letter away and did not make use of it. ‘he’ in the mouths of strangers makes me smile- in the mouths of friends it makes me anxious. I am, despite an amazing amount of similarities between our experiences, not a trans man. 

and so what I would like to do now is turn back to my first community, which I have never left in my heart, without relinquishing my love and gratitude towards my second community. I am not ‘detransitioning’. I am not here to warn about the dangers of puberty blockers, or to defend to the death the right of lesbians to tell trans women, over and over, unprompted, how unfuckable they are. but neither am I here to pretend that I’m thrilled to have facial hair, or that internalized hatred of butch women didn’t affect the development of my gender identity, or that asking everyone their pronouns is harmless and unproblematic. etc. my truth is my truth. 

the development of transition tech has been a miracle for many, but it also tore the fabric of our community right down the center. as genderqueer people began for the first time to actually have the option to ‘pick a side’, and the gay rights movement picked up steam, gay and transgender communities grew apart from one another. we are of course in many respects different, but when we are kept rigidly separate, all of us are impoverished. pushing trans people out into their own medical box has hurt everyone, not only delaying the fight for transgender civil liberties, but in fact also hurting gay GNC people tremendously by denying them friends, knowledge, and options. you can use surgery or hormones to transition, or you can use surgeries and hormones, as I did, to make your assigned gender bearable. or you can switch your pronouns or your style of dress without altering a single thing about your body. there are countless other ways of conceptualizing queer bodies and queer lives, and we deserve to have access to all of them. I believe that the current giddy proliferation of alternative terms for every nuance of gender identity and sexuality is at heart our youth’s attempt at mending that tear, at stitching ‘trans’ and ‘gay’ back together with a rainbow of thread.

gender dysphoria is hardly the defining trait of LGBT people, but it is a common one. making a home out of a body that feels alien to you can be extraordinarily difficult, and anyone walking that path deserves respect, however they choose to go about it. the line dividing us cuts through the center of my heart, and who is willing to destroy a piece of her own heart?

[vieuxnoyesrp]

Dani. Katherine Pierce has become infamous not just as a character - but as tool that’s been used time and time again to spice up many storylines - both on the show and in many roleplay spinoffs that stemmed from it. Just like her personality, there’s both a thrill and a danger to that; the former because she’s so fun to have around, the latter because it’s so unfortunately easy to see her turned into a flat stereotype or a poorly-layered plot contrivance. For us, your application was refreshing in that you went back to the basics; showed us the building-blocks of her character and alluded to the links she still has to her past. She felt more human than myth. Your headcanons were totally outside-of-the-box and your writing was impeccable. Most of all, we loved that you showed us who Katherine is as an individual; beyond the overly familiar scope of her connections to the men in her life; to Klaus, Elijah or the Salvatores. You hit the nail on the head with this application and we’re grateful for it!

Dani, thank you very much for applying. As for Katherine… 

                       ⚜ ~ WELCOME TO VIEUX NOYÉS!!! ~ ⚜

Wondering what to do next? Click here and let the good times roll!

⚜ Roleplayer:

⤜ Name/alias: Dani ⤜ Pronouns: She/Her ⤜ Age: 20 ⤜ Timezone: EST ⤜ Activity: I try to be on at least once a day, though replies tend to take a day or two to get done! These last months have been a bit stressful, but after next week’s hiatus a lot of time will be clearing up which will allow me to participate daily rather than every other day, or every other other day. ⤜ Best form of contact: (Skype, gmail, or just here on tumblr, etc.) My twitter: daniellaferri or my skype danidanidani are all good! ParacosmicMuse is also an alternative since it’s my personal. ⤜ Any Triggers? (If so, please tell us how you want the subject to be treated in this roleplay (whether to be tagged accordingly or avoided completely, etc.) Shootings, gun violence, eating disorders, sexual assault ⤜ How did you find Vieux Noyés? Rose was kind enough to recommend it to me at a time I was looking for another writing group. ⤜ What drew you to the RP? Not trying to kiss major ass or anything, but the admins. I’ve known all of you a brief amount of time truly, but the fact that you three are collaborating makes me feel in insanely good hands. The RP itself has so much attention to detail and wonderful people, of course, and that creative take on these characters keeps me motivated to be a part of it all. ⤜ What is one subplot/element from the Plot page that you are particularly looking forward to seeing in this roleplay? I’m really eager to see the Salem and New Orleans witches play, tbh. Like I love everything, but I’m really excited to see how ancestral magic and magic from the earth differentiate and how the covens ( the NOLA one already having major differences and a weak community at the moment ) will co-exist. Also, what will the ancestors say about it? Cause from what I’ve seen on TO they have a lot more dominion over their coven than i think the witches realize, and I don’t see the ancestors responding too well to the possibility of their legacies switching over to a different kind of magic, with a group of foreigners. It all sounds really interesting, I hope I get to see that played out one day.

⚜ Desired Character:

⤜ Why do you want this character?

TVD was a show that took a while, and some effort, for me to get into. I always stopped watching after season 2 simply because I didn’t feel entirely attached to the problems the ensemble faced, nor was I a fan of the ‘love triangle’ trope in my fourteen or fifteen years of age. One of my few favorite parts of the show was Katherine Pierce. I think she was a really underutilized character. In attempts to kind of do something bigger and greater, the writers threw her potential under the bus and the more I think on her character, the more I wonder about her mentality, her development, and what her story would have been where she not pushed into irrelevancy in the middle of the series. I really want to explore that in this new setting.

⤜ What are your future plans for this character?

I  want to test Katherine’s resolve, and her self-acceptance. She’s adamant about no longer running, and yet, she has a slew of enemies in New Orleans, multiple characters who wouldn’t mind killing her or casting her out, and do not owe her any favors. So while she tries to develop a network of defenses as she has all her life, I really want to see where that humanity comes in, and whether or not she’s willing to confront the fact that a part of her genuinely wants to live ( not just survive ), if it means fighting against, not just physical violence against her, but  people’s beliefs about her, and a lot of distrust that has just generally followed her around in all her time running from Klaus.

⤜ Put yourself in your character’s shoes. Give us a few lines to describe a day in the life of your character… Where do they live? Where and how do they spend their time?

Not one for traipsing across the Bayou in heels, or finding comfort in the solitary fields by the old plantation homes, Katherine Pierce has settled down at the heart of the city. Well, sort of. For now, she stays at the Hotel Royal, intent on hunting for real estate only after she’s obtained sanctuary from either of the notorious king pins of the quarter: Klaus Mikaelson or Marcel Gerard. For now, she remains unlisted, under their noses, and the patron of an all inclusive continental breakfast. She knows the constant bustling streets will work in her favor, seeing as she needs to lay low for awhile.

Katherine is always on the go, which means, unless she’s certain no one in her vicinity will go blabbing to some higher-up about her location, she doesn’t linger in many coffee shops or bars. She favors the antiquities shop occasionally, for it’s cluttered space, and luxury finds, gets her morning coffee at the French Market when she doesn’t order it at the hotel, and, should she need to meet someone for a chat, she’ll usually take to some overzealous tourist trap bar on Bourbon Street.

By now she’s noticed a few key players making constant appearances at Rousseau’s and Tulane University. Which is why if she’s ever spotted there, it’s usually because she wants to be found. At the moment her days are spent trying to establish enough formidable connections so that, should things go south she won’t have to flee, again.

⤜ Give us three headcanons regarding your character of choice.

Second to Mystic Falls ( Circa 1800s ),  Île-de-France remains Katherine’s favorite place she’s traveled. She had arrived in the Parisian Region in 1718, and had managed to reside there for as many as four years before continuing the game of cat and mouse Klaus refused to relieve her of. In that brief time, she’d assimilated beautifully to the luxury, the politics, the gambling of the aristocrats. The men found her beautiful, and she basked in the jewels she’d been gifted, and the balls she’d been taken to. The Palace of Versailles has seen blood spilt by her before, and still it retains some of her happier memories of the past. Briefly, the formidable château made her feel safe, without leaving her bored. She resents that it’s more of a tourist attraction now.

Her license is expired, but her IDs are always up to date. With the aid of several supernaturals in the identity theft ring, Katherine has been known to keep herself under the radar with the use of countless false identification cards, all up to date, all dummy-proof. Still, she has no driver’s license, and her current one is a few years past. Usually, she’ll compel her way out of traffic violations, and drive when necessary, but makes use of taxi cabs and compact cities to keep her off foot and unreported.

Katherine has but one keepsake from her past. Too much time on the run, and too little emotional involvement left her taking only what she needed in her travels. And though she’d sooner mock the everyday hoarder, than replicate them, Katherine still holds onto the resin light blue cameo necklace she wore during her time at the Salvatore Estate. Bewitched by Emily Bennett, the pendant became outdated over time, but unlike the rest of her daylight accessories from her past, this jewel was one she carried with her well into the next century. To this day, it remains in her jewelry box, carrying memories of a time in love she’s not willing to forget so easily.

⤜ What are some plots you’d like to explore with your characater?

I’m looking forward to the plot between her and Caroline. This misunderstanding that Elena was the one who turned her seems so interesting to me, and refreshing, that I really want to see how Katherine will attempt to play it all out in her favor, and what her back up plan might be should Caroline discover the truth and redirect her anger to it’s rightful owner.

I also look forward to seeing how Katherine ‘play’s nice’, for lack of a better term, with Marcel. She’s so prideful that I feel like there’s definitely room for struggle there, in terms of how much ass she’s willing to kiss and how much she’s willing to bank on the king of New Orleans. Also, Klaus and Marcel have a very temperamental relationship, so I think it’d be really fun to explore how Katherine keeps up with, and plots around, that unsteady alliance.

In regards to developing her character, I really want to see how Katherine will fight to remain in New Orleans. By that I mean, I noticed a lot of her connections don’t really understand why she’s decided to finally stop running, and stop in New Orleans of all places. And I think the character herself struggles to accept/address how deep that longing for stable ground and love runs, or how long its been festering. Since she’s truly put herself in ‘the lion’s den’, as it were, I want to see her earn that freedom from those that want to kill her, but I also want to see her realize that not all of it is as easy as an endless list of back up plans and manipulation tactics.

⤜ Para sample:

(Retained for privacy.)

————— ⤜ Would you like to be considered for another character if not accepted as your primary choice? No, i’ll stick to just Bonnie. But thank you! ⤜ Have you read the rules? Yes ⤜ Anything else? That’s all <3

[ultrafuturisticbouquetkingd-blog]

Relationship Blog Attempts To Address Parental Alienation

“My Ex Pushed Me Out Of The Family”

Recently the following appeared in a relationship blog. While there are currently over 500 comments, upon review, many can be classified into two categories. If they are not ‘spam’ they could be considered judgemental and disconnected from reality.

Upon such a discovery, the troops were rallied with a call for all hands on deck. The community of target parents pulls together with a loyalty that is unshakable and unbreakable. There is a bond that brings this group of target parents together in such unity that if one is under attack from the outside world, we all are.

Below is the letter sent to Meredith, editor of the Boston Globe’s “Loveletters.” More importantly, are the replies posted almost immediately by target parents who passed this around our community for support and setting the record straight.

The full thread can be found here

CALL TO ACTION: Add your reply to the comment section.

SUBMITTED QUESTION

Dear Meredith,

I was married for 23 years. It was not a good marriage. I helped to raise two stepsons and had good relationships with their mothers. My ex and I had two of our own children. It was a very busy household full of homework, football practice, and navigating the pickup and drop-offs for many kids. I actually was responsible for 99 percent of it because my ex could not get away from work.

Our divorce was awful. I was going through major family trauma (including a parent being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer), and right in the middle of this, my ex asked me to leave. We had been having a lot of issues.

I left and began to work on myself. I rode my bike everywhere. I read books and listened to music. I just was enjoying my life and figuring out who I was. My kids didn't want to have anything to do with me (they were in high school and college at this point). I went to therapy, joined a church. I was hurting a lot. I did fall in love.

I met the love of my life and two years later, we own a home and a dog. My big issue is that my own boys still will not have anything to do with me because my ex sets the narrative. I text and call. I'm not overbearing. Crickets, chirp chirp. I paid for my oldest to go to college by working a few jobs. He didn't want me to attend his ceremony because he didn't want his dad to be hurt. His dad has a girlfriend, for Pete's sake.

I don't know what to do anymore – how to deal with an ex who has pushed me away from my family. My ex feels proud of the alienation. I pray about this all the time, but my heart is broken. Do you have advice for me? I need to heal and wait patiently, but sometimes there are days where I just don’t think that I can make it.

– Hurt

LOVELETTER’S REPLY

Below are the replies posted by the #erased within hours of the posting.

Dear Meredith - You completely missed the boat here. The writer may be the targeted parent of Parental Alienation Syndrome and her children the objects caught in the middle. It doesn't matter how old the children are at the time of the parental split. Next time just end with "This is out of my area of expertise" and "Please talk to a therapist or find a PAS support group". Dear Hurt - I want to let you know there will come a day when your children will come back to you. I want to let you know that your children will appreciate you giving them the space they need right now, but do continue to send them the occasional text message and birthday card (they may not respond today or tomorrow, but eventually they will). Your children are not emotionally strong enough to handle the dynamics of dealing with both of their parents and I'm sure they know you will always be there to greet them with open arms. (Note: When I talk about their father, it's always with respect. If I need to vent about something concerning him, I talk to my friends and leave them out of it).

Serenity111

Hello Meredtith; I wrote a couple of paragraphs yesterday that could help understand the mother’s situation. I found abhorrent how the ignorance of some of your readers abuses an already abused person, with no sympathy whatsoever to her pain, the pain of having her children emotionally murdered by a vindictive and narcissistic previous partner, in punishment for the failure of the relationship. How, one parent may use the children as a weapon to inflict pain to the other parent in a cruel act of emotional family violence (IPV) === And the story goes: == I was talking with someone yesterday, and I heard myself describing this pathology. I think I came up with a very simple description. 1.- The child has two parents; One of the parents will love the child does not matter what, and would never hurt the child. The other parent will hurt the child if she does not comply to her whims. ∴ The child complies with the abusive parent wishes, as she does not want to get hurt. 2.- After a while, the child starts doubting her own feelings. She is supposed to fear him, but ‘why?’, she would ask herself. 3.- There comes the GAL; she says the non-abusive parent must change his behaviour, she tells the child the non-abusive parent MUST stop scarring the child. 4.- Then comes the therapist; The non-abusive parent must stop scaring the child, and must apologize for his behaviour, to the child, he tells the child and the parent. This, said in front of the child to the non-abusive parent. 5-.- The child, who does not know why she is supposed to be scared; Has been told by a therapist that being scared of the non-abusive parent is a valid feeling Has been told by a GAL that the other parent is not up to task. 6.- The child does not know any better, but everyone cannot be wrong, they are professionals, the child tells herself. The child now is 100% convinced that she must reject the non-abusive parent, for valid reasons. She will manufacture reasons. Of course, the initial doubts where received from the abusive parent, not by using English (the child would understand this and be able to reason it out of her system). The abusive parent uploaded the fear on the child by the use of the language of feelings, something the child has not yet completely developed. Gender comment: This is not gender guided; give me a neutral pronoun in English for a person, and I'll use it. In the meantime, this is all I can do. ('It" sounded wrong to me today). === end of the story. == This is real, this is painful. Perhaps the biggest pain anyone can suffer. Losing its child, having its child murdered, while the child is still alive but unavailable. Can you imagine your children disappearing one day, with zero communication, while you know they have unjustified hate towards you? You should learn more about this. Join the Facebook group “Alliance to solve parental alienation”, and read Dr. Childress posts there. You could help your readers understand family abuse. — Raul Zighelboim.

I’m appalled at your insensitivity and that of your readers. The responses try to shame a parent who was caught in a high conflict divorce and is the victim of the unwarranted, manipulative and abusive tactics of the other parent. 22 million parents alone in the US are estranged from their children due to a phenomenon called “Parental Alienation.” It is real, it is painful, it is traumatic and debilitating to the parents who are #erased from their children. Since I left my family in 2015, I too have been #erased from my children’s lives. I left an emotionally abusive marriage but I NEVER left my children. I am completely shut out from their lives and my ex has masterfully brainwashed/altered my children’s minds to think that I never loved them. He has employed tactics like that in a cult. Is this healthy for the children to reject a once loving parent? Is this healthy parenting behaviors when divorce occurs? Is it healthy to try to hurt the other parent? I invite you Ms. Goldstein and most particularly “Hurt” to come to a support group that I now lead along with 2 mental health professionals experienced in parental alienation and listen to members’ painful stories. Come learn about this epidemic and understand the underlying behaviors. I led a group that brought a new documentary to Newton a month ago called “Erasing Family” and 150 people came! Watch the trailer: https://erasingfamily.org/. Also listen to: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/960-cindy-stumpo-is-tough-as-n-29001812/episode/parent-alienation-50342688/ . “Hurt,” I’m sorry that you are experiencing such loss but understand that you are not alone. You did not cause this untenable situation. I’m ecstatic that you found happiness and if you would like to reach out, you can find us at: https://www.meetup.com/New-England-Parental-Alienation-Support-Meetup/members/. Deb Black Co-Host of New England "Parental Alienation"

Dear Readers, While many who commented have good intentions, it is essential to know what “Hurt” is living through is a form of domestic violence. You may read this statement and react with thinking, “What!?!? No way! This, as domestic violence, is a stretch and makes zero sense!” Follow me on this. I believe some of the emotionally charged comments attacking “Hurt” may be rooted in personal experiences, similar to what her children are living. I want to use this thread as a tool to educate and help the 22 million US families who are dealing with this daily. Along with fantastic comments (see Caroncoss, Blackie10, and RedSagitta for great insights!), I want to extend this to include research-based information for everyone reading this. As you consider the following information and perhaps realize this pertains to you, the reader, know that you are not alone. There are Boston and Online Support Group meetings via https://www.meetup.com/New-England-Parental-Alienation-Support-Meetup/ Let’s talk about evidence. First….(via Dr. Amy Baker) THE EIGHT BEHAVIORAL MANIFESTATIONS OF PARENTAL ALIENATION These are the symptoms of parental alienation that appear within alienated children. Generally, the more symptoms present and the more severe the symptoms, the more severe the alienation; all manifestations do not need to be present for alienation to exist. 1. Campaign of denigration: Strong or utter rejection of one parent, willingness to tell others, erasing past positive aspects of relationship and memories. 2. Weak, frivolous, absurd reasons for the rejection: When pressed to explain, the child will give reasons that do not make sense or align with the level of animosity, provide false memories (proclaiming to remember something from a very young age), or are patently untrue. 3. Lack of ambivalence: For the most part, one parent is seen as all good while the other is viewed as all bad. 4. “Independent thinker” phenomenon: The child strongly emphasizes that the favored parent played no role in the child’s rejection of the other parent. The child believes the decision is theirs entirely. 5. Reflexive support of the alienating parent. The alienator can do no wrong, and the erased parent can not do right. 6. Absence of guilt: Alienated children appear to have no qualms about cruel and harsh treatment towards the rejected parent. 7. The presence of borrowed scenarios: Use of words and phrases that mimic or parrot those of the favored parent. 8. Rejection of extended family of rejected parent: Refusal to spend time with or acknowledge formerly beloved family members. While this has become quite lengthy, I will create another reply that addresses the strategies parents use to erase the loving bonds between children and a loving parent… Signed, MiningGypsy

Dear Hurt - I am so sorry you haven't been able to have a relationship with your children. Parent Alienation is real, sadly it is not a stage!!!! I write from experience, so I know it hurts, and I know how debilitating it can be. You are not alone! There are more than just a few of us fighting, healing, supporting, and educating each other on how to navigate the PA world. I admire your strength to keep going, and still having the ability to give without getting anything in return (but rejection). I am pretty sure is called LOVE. Much love and light, Priscila a loving imperfect mother p.s. every situation has a different prospective at different times of our lives, and how we feel and react to pain is very unique to our experiences and values.

Dear Readers, Below are strategies used by parents to alienate their children from the other parent. The alienating parent engages in these strategies against the targeted parent. If you find this has impacted your life, there is help locally. https://www.meetup.com/New-England-Parental-Alienation-Support-Meetup/ Also, if you know someone experiencing this, you must speak up. Kids need both parents. As I work with adult children who experienced this, they all were secretly wishing someone swooped in and called out the bad behavior of the alienating parent. As the child could not do so themselves because of the horrific consequences they would face when standing up for themselves. 17 STRATEGIES USED BY ALIENATORS: 1. Badmouthing 2. Limiting Contact 3. Interfering with communication 4. Interfering with symbolic communication (i.e., pictures and photos are defaced, removed, destroyed) 5. Withdrawal of love if expressing positive toward the target parent 6. Telling the child the targeted parent is dangerous (extreme behaviors include filing false charges with Child Protective Services) 7. Forcing the child to choose between parents 8. Telling the child the targeted parent does not love him or her 9. Confiding in the child rather than a peer or therapist 10. Forcing the child to reject the targeted parent 11. Manipulating the child to spy on the targeted parent. 12. Having the child keep secrets from the targeted parent 13. Referring to the targeted parent by their first name and encouraging the child to do the same 14. Referring to a step-parent as “Mom” or “Dad” and encouraging the child to do the same 15. Withholding medical, academic, and other relevant information from the targeted parent/keeping the targeted parent’s name off medical, academic, and other relevant documents (see your state’s law on this one!) 16. Changing the child’s name to remove any association with the targeted parent 17. Cultivating dependency/undermining the authority of the targeted parent (may include overly permissive parenting by the alienating parent) If any of this resonates with you, please reply or leave a message at https://www.speakpipe.com/voicesoftheerased #kidsneed BOTH parents! Signed, MiningGypsy

Dear Ms. Goldstein, After reading "Hurt's" letter to you dated November 5, 2019, I was quite astonished by you and your commentators' reaction to this woman's pain of losing her children. Studies have shown 86% of High Conflict divorces found that ONE parent, not both will sabotage the relationship between the child and the other parent. This means ONE parent will psychologically manipulate a child into turning against the other parent. With frequency and intensity, the alienating parent manipulates a child into believing that the targeted parent is unloving, unsafe and unavailable. It’s called Parental Alienation (PA). PA is a distinctive, destructive and counterintuitive form of psychological and family violence towards both the child and the rejected family members. It is a worldwide, inter-generational phenomenon and occurs regardless of nationality, religion, socioeconomics, race, or gender, This is NOT ESTRANGEMENT! It is induced psychological splitting in a child … an alignment or enmeshment. Alienated children display unjustified contempt and an attitude of entitlement towards the targeted parent and have a perception of an “all-wonderful” alienating parent and “all-bad” targeted parent. This is a dysfunctional coping mechanism which if not addressed leads to an unstable personality disorder and disrupts social-emotional development throughout a child’s life as a consequence of Parental Alienation. Dr. Jennifer Harman’s studies have confirmed that 22 million parents in the US alone are experiencing Parental Alienation. This means there are at the very least, 22 million children in the US who will most likely manifest difficult behaviors. Statistically, 4-5% of school children under the age of 18 are experiencing some level of mild, moderate, or severe alienating tactics and PA is 3x more prevalent than children on the Autism Spectrum. According to experts, it is psychological and emotional child abuse and is JUST as injurious as physical or sexual abuse and the World Health Organization recognizes Parental Alienation. Those who engage in severe alienating tactics often have a personality disorder. If you think a child could never be brainwashed … think of charismatic cult leaders like Jim Jones, Rev Sun Moon ... thousands and thousands of adults were manipulated. How could a child resist their own parent? This is not a divorce issue. This is not a custody or a parental rights issue. This is a mental health issue that is affecting our children around the world. These children will grow up not knowing how to be in a relationship and are emotionally stunted. This is what is happening to the children. You can also empathize with either a father or a mother who are experiencing the loss of their child(ren) through Parental Alienation. We are available to have a conversation with you or any of your readers ... If you'd like to learn more about Parental Alienation, or if 'Hurt' wants to contact for support ... Deb Black Co-Host of New England Parental Alienation Support Group https://www.meetup.com/New-England-Parental-Alienation-Support-Meetup/ Respectfully, Caron Warren MA.Ed.

Seems like we're all making lots of assumptions! It's hard to know what the family dynamics are. It could be LW is the toxic person who is responsible for her own estrangement from her children. Or, the real story may be more complicated... I was estranged from my father for more than 5 years as my mother carefully controlled information and manipulated me (and my sibling) into thinking our dad was the villain in their divorce. For years, I ignored calls or replied curtly to emails from my dad.... it saddens me to think of how I shut him out. He didn't want to cause me further pain, so he gave me space. Luckily, my dad was resilient . Eventually, crazy stuff happened, and I realized the truth my dad is flawed like anyone else, but he is not the abuser my narcissistic mother would have me believe. LW, if your ex is the crazy maker, then get therapy, take care of yourself, call on your support system, find other ways to bring meaning into your life.... you'll be in a better place for whatever comes. Therapy will help you figure out how to see toxic patterns, define and set healthy boundaries. If you're the crazy maker, well.. then I still urge you to get therapy and find ways to rebuild and reach out to your family in ways that are respectful.

YoungatHeartToo

Don't let stress over the situation affect your health or your good relationship with the current love of your life. Be proud of whatever you did for your kids. If you were not perfect, they are not perfect in not forgiving or not considering your feelings. They have their own lives now, and you should move on with yours, but hopefully they will mature more in the future. And any spouse who alienates kids from a halfway decent ex is not doing right by the kids or the ex.

Lexgal

Sorry Meredith but your advice is so unbelievably tone deaf. The guy LOVES that he is in charge and sets the narrative. In his mind he won. Do you REALLY think a coffee shop meeting or family therapy is going to happen? He is looooooong gone. LW - even though there is no reason given for the divorce this is a sad letter and I feel bad for you, after everything you did you deserve to be treated much better. Maybe the boys blame you, again, not sure why you divorced. Just keep killing your kids with kindness. Don't get mad, every once in awhile ask if they want to meet and 1 of these days they will. You really need to let them know how much this hurts you in a matter of fact way, I'm sure they have no idea. Maybe send them a random card with a brief note explaining your pain? You have nothing to lose.

THE Guru

Wow. So everyone is blaming the mother, even though the husband booted her, even though she continues to support the kids financially, even though she gives the kids space despite how it hurts her to be isolated from them. And the father, on at least his 3rd marriage and booted his wife while she was dealing with a parent with cancer, is a prince? This certainly is bizarro world! Gee, victim-blaming much?

Tie--Dye--Brain--Fry

I cut my dad out of my life for a lot of the tone that's similar to this letter. No acknowledging your own role in the estrangement, acting like a complete victim, blaming everyone else for your problems. My advice would be to write a letter to your kids (individually - don't treat them interchangeably), saying that you miss them dearly and don't know what you did to drive them away, but that whenever they are ready, you would like to hear their side of things and that you promise to LISTEN and not make it about yourself, that you won't get defensive or lay any guilt on them for it. If you want them back in your life, you need to acknowledge that you have hurt them deeply, and that even if your ex was badmouthing you, if your relationship to your kids was genuinely strong enough, it would have survived that.

audreylyn

This is an inspiring letter. You managed to overcome many difficulties, got yourself on a bike, got to church, met someone new, rebuilt a life for yourself after a lot of emotional trauma. You're a survivor. Parenthood comes with no guarantees about payback. But as your kids mature, they might develop a different perspective. Keep the olive branch out there and focus on what you do have, your new relationship, your home and your dog.

Jim501

I'm disgusted by the tone of the comments I've read here today. I had to stop, so I just hope the later ones were more sympathetic. My advice to the LW is to find a good therapist who can listen to you and help you work out both your feelings and an effective strategy for reaching out to your children. Clearly, writing to an anonymous mob on the internet is not the way to go.

OutOfOrder

I read this as being written by a man. Maybe it’s because I have a friend who is a good man in a very similar situation, having an ex wife who has poisoned their children against him. It’s a horrible thing to do to a child as well as the father. Little by little, he has made inroads just by being there for them. He keeps reaching out. Hopefully, when they’re older and have been away from their mother for a longer period of time, they will do a complete tour-around.

Seenittoo

"... in my experience, tend to side with the parent who has been there for them." I would politely disagree, and say that kids will side with those who "manipulate best". Usually the most toxic wins. The reality is that it may take the kids till they are 40+ and raising their own families to start to get the separation and hindsight they need to rectify the state of affairs, but that, of course, is no given.

MrTrumping

The only thing you can do is to love your kids in whatever way they will let you, which is what you are already doing. If they have any sign of intelligence and if college did anything to teach them how to think independently, at some point, maybe even soon, or maybe when they start their own family, they will start to question what they are being told. At that point, you will have amassed a lot of evidence (texts, calls, letters, paying for college, etc.) over time that you are not exactly what your ex says you are.

sexual-chocolate

HarrisBlackwoodStone

it will take time. that's all. there's nothing more you can do for your children than send them birthday and holiday cards and gifts. when they become adults, assuming you haven't left anything out of this picture you've painted for us, eventually they will seek you out.

red-speck

This letter (including the fact that it's one side of a mutifaceted story) leaves out a lot of detail, but assuming LW's is a reliable synopsis, the kids were hurting like hell through the divorce, too. LW doesn't mention whether they went to counseling or their emotional states throughout. I'm glad she's getting things sorted out.

As for her relationship with the kids, my wife's parents divorced when she was a teen. Took her decades to come to the realization that her parents weren't awful people, just broken ones trying to cope with their lives flying apart. All you can do is keep inviting them into your life and trying, graciously, to remain a part of theirs. Don't hold "I did X for you" lists over their heads; just rebuild a relationship from this day forward. With any luck, you'll come to some measure of healing in due course.

Leftylucy

I agree 100% with you here.

redsoxpatriotsnyfan

The best advice to you is to hire a good lawyer!

Anon

Funny thing is -- in divorce cases where there are custody orders -- attorneys typically accelerate the alienation. We need to make family court therapeutic, not adversarial. I hope you can spread the word!