#but I suddenly can't stop thinking about writing something more poetic

[loves0phelia]

Hello

I have this writing where we read the pov of Matt and it is sort a love letter to Y/n. We read about his thoughts about her, how much he loves her and it is very poetic and lovely perhaps even a bit sad. Let me know your thoughts 😊

Letter

Summery: The request but sad ++ (oops)

Words: 809 (it's small sorry)

Warnings: spelling mistakes, and it kind of doesn't make sense in some parts

A/N: listen to LOML by Taylor Swift while reading and thank you for the request xxx

“I’ve always heard that love is blind. I used to think I understood what that meant, that I could grasp the irony of it all, given my circumstances. But then you came into my life, and suddenly, the phrase took on a new meaning—one I never expected.

It's in the way you move through my world, unaware of the light you carry in my fire-filled sight. I can’t see it, but I feel your warmth in the air when you’re near. Your presence makes me feel something I've never experienced.

You make me wish I could see, not to take in the world around me, but to truly see you—the way you smile when you think no one’s watching, the exact colour of your eyes when they light up and the way you look at me. I wish more than anything to be able to feel your love through a simple glance.

I spend so much time running through shadows, but with you, it’s different. With you, I don’t fear the darkness; I embrace it because it brings me closer to you. Your body against mine, your laughter and simply you being you pulls me to you and I can't help it. If I could, I would stay with you forever.

Sometimes, it feels wrong to be so attached to you when I promised to give my full attention to making this city a better place. Because I know that if you asked me too I would drop everything to be where you are. Even if it meant abandoning what I've built and cherished. You are worth more than anything.  You’ve intertwined yourself into my soul.  I am not me without you.

Every time I close my eyes, it’s your face I see, your voice I hear, your touch I crave. You are my calm in the chaos, the one thing that makes all the noise in my head fade into silence.

But a heartache comes with loving you, an ache that I can’t ignore. It’s the knowledge that I’ll never fully deserve you, that the darkness I carry will always be a shadow over your love. I wish I could promise you a life without fear.  But all I can offer is my heart—battered, bruised, but still beating for you through any ups and lows

You are the light in my darkness, the reason I keep fighting, even when it feels like there’s no fight left in me. And even though I know I’ll never be the man you deserve, I will love you with everything I have, for as long as I can.

Yours, always, Matt”

The small paper containing Matt’s braille written note, crumbled in his fist as he stopped speaking. His voice echoed in the large church and the only other sound that could be heard were the sniffles and cries of your loved ones. Foggy, Karen, and your family. 

His fingers tightened around the folded piece of paper in his hand once again.

As he reached the casket, he paused, his breath catching in his throat. The reality of it all hit him with a force he wasn’t prepared for. You were gone. No amount of whispered promises or desperate prayers would bring you back. 

With trembling hands, he unfolded the letter, the words written across the paper now seeming so small compared to his grief. He had poured his heart into those lines, trying to capture the love, the regret, the sorrow that consumed him. But now, standing there, he felt as though nothing he could say would ever be enough.

Gently, he placed the letter on top of the casket, his fingers lingering for a moment as if he could somehow reach you through the wood and metal as if you could feel his touch one last time.

“I love you.”

Kneeling beside the casket, Matt rested his forehead against it, his hands clutching the sides as if it were the only thing keeping him from collapsing completely. “I’m sorry,” he choked out, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I’m so, so sorry…”

The church seemed to close in around him, the walls pressing down as if they were trying to suffocate the life out of him.

Matt stayed there, his heart breaking until the silence of the church was too much to bear. With a final, trembling breath, he stood, his fingers brushing over the letter one last time before he forced himself to turn away.

He knew that he would never truly leave you behind, that you would haunt him in the quiet moments when he was alone, and that your memory would be both a comfort and a curse. But for now, all he could do was walk away, leaving behind the only woman who had ever truly seen him—the woman he would love until his last breath.

[cafeleningrad]

Hi !

For His Dark Materials (the first 3 books) : ❤💖

For anything : 💛💚🤍💔🏳️‍🌈💀

Hey thanks for the ask. ^^ Moreso for taking your time off while you're dealing with the flooding for something so trivial. I wish you a lot of good luck reworking the house, and on your next IKEA-endeavour. (No seriously, my very best wishes to you!)

His Dark Materials ❤ Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom? Since I have barely interacted with the fandom, I couldn't tell you to whom this might apply. That said I'm of the very strong opinion that Pullmann did his world and a characters a huge disservice by writing "the Secret Commonwealth", betraying a very poetic end.

💖 What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series? Pullman is just a bit too much in love with Lyra. Don't get me wrong, I love her too but her maturing in "the Amber Spyglass" sometimes feels more like something that needs to happen. Suddenly Lyra doesn't feel like acting like her usual. Even though her encounter with the harpies challenging her and letting her grow is quiet organic but other instances felt out of the blue. Also the fact that the grand prophecy of her betrayal is a betrayal of herself, and then even is rewarded by having a witch's ability of separating long distance from Pan... Anything bad she could ever do is lessened into a lecture, she never could do any bad herself, or face any darkness within herself whereas Will is often put in situations in which he has to question his morality. And now in every spin-off Lyra is an extra special little thing, beloved by everyone she meets, getting breastfed by a fae, she's part of yet another prophecy after the mainstory etc. Everyone is supposed to love Lyra as much as Pullman does. It all feel likes like Lyra is never really allowed to do wrong. She does face cruelty and darkness but never really in herself. She might be a cheeky, impertinent child but ultimately she can never do actually wrong. I hope it makes sense but I have the impression Pullman's favouritism and focus sometimes blurs out the world around her.

Now you just gave me free license to rant along. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why? Gosh darn, I recently watched shows/read books that only five other people on this website blog about, soooo...

[Pachinko] Koh Hansu/Kim Sunja Oh I know Lee Min-Ho is handsome, and fandom loves the hot mafia/monster/yakuza boyfriend but since the novel/show deals with very real history it is obvious how doomed and impossible their relationship was - especially due to who Koh is. Don't get me wrong: The circumstances as to why he is how and who is are more than sympathetic. However He can never shake off his egoism. The worst thing is, he never changes - even if he regrets how badly things turned out. Sunja, rightfully, points out that she can not be a mistress, loosing her entire reputation and family. Hansu never considers that her marrying Isak was her only chance to keep a semblance of dignity, social standing, and relation to her family within Korean society. Instead Hansu takes Sunja's pragmatic decision as a personal slight. No matter how much he loves Sunja and Noa, and will also protect her extended family, he will always think of them as part of him. Every generous act of helping is tied to the expectation of getting rewarded by love or service. By bringing Sunja's mother to Japan he hopes Sunja would suddenly stop mourning the recently deceased Isak, and she would thrust herself and her family into his arms. (Even though he still wouldn't offer her an official marriage because business marriage arrangement comes first.) He graciously pays for Noa's university but reveals that it was always tied to his expectation to do what Hansu wants.

What personally rubs me the wrong way with this ship is the idea that there could be a happy ending for them. It overlooks that Hansu is fundamentally unable to outgrow his greed, and old trauma for the love of others. Trauma, remembrance, and frank coversation about unsolved injustice are important - that's the entire point of the book/show. However the sacrifice of others for one's persona spite cost Hansu his luck with Sunja, his son, and his relationship to his daughters. He could never be satisfied with a simple life surrounded by family and daily happiness like Sunja

💚What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character? Hmmm, I can't think of one right off the spot however I have the impression fandom in general is recently not dealing well with stories not wanting to be didactic. To say when stories about the complication of human interaction deal with things that just go badly because it's human nature to be faliable, learning to do better etc. - then audiences still weirdly want a resolution who really is at fault, who was more wrong... and oofff. I guess this is how we get really annoying discourse by the fact that many audience members these days can't live with ambiguity and mistakes. So it leaves me at "Yeah the character did all that but I couldn't care less it they pass a Calvinist qualification test.".

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think? [FE3H] Archbishop Rhea/Seiros Alright, alright, I just finished all four routes two weeks ago, and FE3H five years after it'e release is like re-brewing old instant coffee... But I think the two fundamental issues in this fandom, or better, the reason why there's such a heated discourse about Edelgard is a) the fandom's misogyny b) actually not enjoying tragedy. Rhea herself is a character who is (purposefully) hard to read. Even in her support dialogues we at best learn something about Jeralt but usually Rhea is more interested in how Byleth behaves as Sothis' vessel. the entire reason why the continent of Foádlan is the way it is all comes back to her, her mental state after killing Nemesis, her fears, her wishes, why the Crest system exists in the first place. From what I read over the course of the years of finishing all routes (+ Ashen Wolves) Rhea is not intentionally cruel, genuine in her regret (to the point it causes her breakdown in Silver Snow) but simultaneously distrustful, lonely, secretive, and stuck in her grief. Rhea is compelling because she's simultaneously immovable object and immovable force. I say the fandom is misogynistic because in so many previous Fire Emblem games women are rarely the driving forces of the plot - and if they are never with such layered personality or grace of moral ambiguity (*coughs* Echoes *coughs*). Rhea is nor a sinister schemer even though she bears a lot of responsibility why Foádlan is the way it is. It's extra annoying when some fans are deadly allergic to the central theme of systematic violence (class oppression of non-nobles, female characters very often treated as means of Crest reproduction instead of... human beings, feeing racism and colonialism), and Rhea indeed using military force and intimidation to maintain the status quo. People who can only like a female character when she's a sweet wronged waifu are weak. End of debate.

By all means, I think Rhea is a good character because she can indeed be vengeful, and wields institutional power for what she perceives as greater good (which her foil Edelgard does as well). Rhea isn't a poor girl who did nothing wrong and Edelgard isn't being edgy. And no, problems can't be easily solved by Edelgard bringing forwrad a formal complaint and everyone happily goes after the Agarthans. Rhea is still afraid of the Agarthans. Revealing them to the world would mean revealing the existence of the Nabateans, which she fears would motivate humans to go full Nemesis once more. Ans also, Rhea is stuck onto the idea that the world needs Sothis divine guidance. She's not only missing her mother - to Rhea Sothis is her idea of salvation and ultimate peace. Until Sothis' ressurection Rhea will keep the world in stasis. Just one more experiment, and the world could finally be saved. Hence why she is unwilling to reform the Church and along it's reformation of a class system that is based on Eugenic (those who have Crests and those who don't). Even though Crests are slowly waning in even old bloodlines, any efforts of reformation and protest against the class system or individuals affected by eugenic mistreatment are met with violence of the theocratic militia. The system that needs dire reformation isn't reforming (by Rhea's will) which we see happening during the entire White Clouds section, so counterefforts are growing more violent. And disregarding Rhea's stasis, disregarding the theme of systematic violence leads to a very bad reading of both central characters Edelgard and Rhea and also a bad reading of the plot over all. But again, I don't think she's evil, she thinks she acts for the greater good. And she isn't necessarily delusional either. But as long living Nabaean with powers much grander than any human's, her priorities are different. It's debatable whether or not it was a good idea of hers to shoulder the weight of the world onto her shoulder (although such would mean that no plot would happen) but then again, the Agarthans would hunt down the last of the Nabateans and also not shy away from attacking the humans Sothis cared so much about. When Seiros decided to lead the continent under Sohtis' love for humanity, Seiros was lonely, the majority of her family dead, and the rest either too exhausted to go on, or going into hiding. She was lonely, and had none to share her fears and anger with, none would understand her. All these emotions are responsible why the Church of Seiros is as ruthless as it is but at the time and going on it makes sense for Rhea. There lies the main conflict between Rhea and Edelgard: Rhea has a very paternalistic understanding how to lead humanity whereas Edelgard is very much convinced that humanity is capable of making it's own decisions. At least when no superimposing power promises even more power, riches, and land. So that superimposing power ought to be removed.

Last but not least, it's inaccurate that Rhea created evil human experiments. Even though Ashen Wolves does bring extra material which is critical of the Church of Seiros as institution, the Apostates are either Nabatean-blood infused people of the first generation, Nabateans themselves. Their resurrection attempt did not involve humans, and Rhea stopped that resurrection attempt directly after it went wrong. Alferic brought his transformation upon himself. Also Sitri and her predecessors are homunculi who... are not humans. Even Byleth in only half human due to Jeralt being the only human parent, and even he has Rhea's blood granting him eternal youth, and a long life span...

💔 If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose? [Sopranos] Alright, he dies anyway but after the brilliant episode 3x16, Christopher Moltisanti really grated my nerves at times

🏳️‍🌈 Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you? [ASOIAF] Asha Greyjoy. I've nothing against ships but it's so weird how fandom can't handle the idea of straight butch girls. It is a general tumblr problem that working against patriarchal concepts of gender roles could only be possible when a girl is lesbian, and not a brains washed bi straight passing, or, god beware, a braindwashed striaght woman. :/ Also Sansa Stark. My girl has a massive crush on a disfigured guy but her standom is weirdly allergic to her beauty and the beast theme.

💀 If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose? Phew... even though I might not like a character, many good stories know exactly how to use each character ideally in a plot. To say, even terrible characters are necessary for a well written conflict. [ASOIAF] But just for shits and giggles, Jon Snow lying dead would bring massive disarray to the fandom, the fandom bros, and ending a lot of stupid ship wars.

[eatyoursparkout]

Questions for the fanfic ask! (man, all of them are so fun!) 20. what is your favorite trope to write?

43. how did writing change you?

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

20) Ooh, too many to count really... hence why my ao3 profile is a huge mix of tropes- I keep wanting to try out new things! Some that immediately come to mind are 5+1 (because I like the structure of writing a series of interconnected scenes), and hanahaki (for the poetic angst potential), but the thing that I probably write the most is variations on get-together fics. I like navigating all the feelings and the will-they-won't-they tension that leads up to that final emotional catharsis. I haven't written enough of it, but I also love enemies to lovers for the crunch, and let me be weak, let me sleep, because it's another great way to emotionally torment a character.

43) I'm sure it's changed me in other ways that I can't think of right now, but honestly what I've noticed most is that it's really changed the way that I observe and interact with my surroundings. Whenever I'm out, I'm constantly noticing and cataloguing details about people, the environment, etc. and thinking about how I'd describe them in words. One time I was walking back to my apartment in the winter and I suddenly became super aware that I was doing it- thinking about how I'd describe the rubbery crunch of the snow, the way it squeaked beneath my boots... it's just something that I can't turn off now 😂

Semi-related, but it's also made it so hard to read books without stopping every other page to make note of some turn of phrase I like, or some well-constructed paragraph. I have to decide before I sit down whether I'm going to shut off that critical reader and just enjoy the story, and even then I often fall into the trap haha

2) My answer for this one is probably going to be kind of disappointing! I'm way more planner than pantser, and pretty much outline everything. I've had some outlines expand to be larger than intended, but I've never had a moment where a fic truly diverged from my original idea. This is probably also influenced by the fact that a lot of my works are (explicit) oneshots and/or character/relationship studies, so I don't often write the kind of plotty, long stories that could really go off the rails...

[ghost-proofbaby]

Hi! I hope your day's going well :) If it's not too weird to ask, I've seriously always wondered, how long have you been writing for? What made you fall in love with it? And what were your biggest inspirations?

It's legit been on my mind since TSIB when I noticed immediately that your writing carried a lot of love inside of it! It's had me curious ever since.

hello!! i’ve just woken up, and so far so good haha <3 i hope your day is also wonderful!!

this definitely isn’t too weird to ask!!! this feels like a slightly cop out answer, but i’ve been writing for nearly as long as i can remember. i was always just writing really silly things, stories between me and my friends and such. i think the first solid memory i have of anyone ever saying “hey, you have some real talent here” was in 6th grade honestly. it was a silly story for school where we were writing about candy bars of all things, and my teacher took me aside to talk to me about it, and i fully thought i was getting in trouble. i wrote my first fully finished story at 11/12, though, so i guess if i had to put a number on it all.... like 12-13 years? oof. god, that's a long time.

as for what made me fall in love with it - i was always a reader first and foremost. it was a really natural transition for me. in the 5th grade, i remember reading the series "Cirque Du Freak: The Saga of Darren Shan" (which 10/10 recommends for older kids. clearly, the vampire obsession started young.) and just thinking "hey, i wanna write stuff like this!" and so i just... did. and i loved it. i loved creating characters and making my own worlds, getting just as lost in the writing as i could in books. and my writing was bad, make no mistake, but it was mine. i think i always sort of knew i wasn't going to be a rocket science, or a math genius, or a nobel prize winner, but suddenly i had found something that just sort of clicked for me. i was creating. regardless if it was good and regardless if other people were reading/enjoying, i was creating. and that just felt right. it still feels right. since i started writing at 11, i don't think there's been a time in my life where i haven't been consistently writing something. there's been lapses where i stopped sharing, or felt utterly defeated, or just felt stuck in my skill set, but i never really stopped. stories, poetry, songs - i'm just always writing as an escape. i've also had a discussion with a therapist regarding how i feel like my writing is all i have to offer. for the life of me, i can't remember the author/origin of the quote (nor the quote exactly), but there's this poetic bit where a woman is actually speaking to her therapist, and she says something along the lines of "it has to be good. because it is a part of me." essentially, she was saying she finds herself to be nothing good, something rotten, and so she needs her writing to be worth it because it's inherently a part of her. as though her writing is an apology for all that she is. and i guess i love writing because it gives me that chance to apologize - a chance to say "sorry i'm not always worth it, but here's something to make up for it. here's the one thing i can give to you."

my biggest inspirations to this day still remain other writers/creative individuals! i think it's hard as a writer to not be a reader, y'know? i tend to apply the whole "never be satisfied, never just settle" tactic to a lot of my life - always strive to be kinder, always strive to improve my writing, etc. i find a lot of inspiration in music since that's a huge part of my life along with all the writing/reading, and i also find a lot of inspiration in my own life experiences. usually the more unpleasant ones. (oh, how gross, i fall into the tortured artist stereotype. wah.) i think that's why i enjoy fandom so much, though! i'm surrounded by all these talented individuals who constantly take my breath away with their talent, with their big beautiful brains, and it encourages me to want to be better. to be able to offer something just as beautiful and stunning as they do.

also, complete transparency? the community i've managed to build. you guys. those of you who have taken a chance on me and my words, and enjoyed them. the people who get excited for the next updates on my stories and the people who will squeal back and forth (whether in real life or in person) about these characters, these worlds, with me. it's not so much the 'fame', because it feels wonderful regardless of if it's thousands of people or only 2 people, but just... that connection, y'know? it feels like tangible proof to say "hey, my words are worth something. i could be remembered." does that sound narcissistic? god, i truly hope that doesn't sound narcissistic.

anyways, sorry, this is a terribly long word vomit haha. probably not what you signed up for at all when you sent the ask, nonnie. my apologies! i just really, really love writing/reading. and i can't explain how happy it makes me that that translate into my works. thank you - for reading my words, for caring, and for sharing that joy with me <3

[spoonylupin]

SpoonyLupin... please, please, PLEASE tell me you have plans to publish an original novel you've written. Your writing is extremely top notch. You're descriptive, emotional and pretty much poetic. At this point, it's a crime for you not to be a published author. If you published a book, I'm confident it would be #1 on the New York Bestsellers. And it would be turned into a movie. Your writing is FANTASTIC... do not give up on it! And please publish a book!!! <3

~~~~~~~~~~

I actually do have plans to publish a book! I've had an idea for an original novel since I started writing seriously (about twenty years). I've written bits and parts of it since then, but I think it's turned out to be a good thing that I haven't really worked on it at length. Like I said, when I first got the idea, I had just started writing, and I've grown and learned so much as a writer since then. A lot of my early work is bad, there's no other word for it, and I doubt I could have done justice to my idea. All of the fanfiction I've written over the years and the feedback I've gotten from my readers has helped me to improve so much, and it's gotten me to a place where I feel like I'll be able to do the best work possible on it. I can't promise you when it's going to happen, but it definitely will someday.

But I will not stop writing either way! The urge to write is something my creative writing teacher awoke in me a very long time ago, and I have no plans to slow down. I still have so many ideas to write and I'm constantly coming up with new ones, so there's plenty more coming!

Thank you so, so much for the wonderful message you sent. It always helps so much to know what my readers think, and I appreciate every single one of you from the bottom of my heart! ❤️

I see I've suddenly had an influx in messages here, so I'll be working on getting back to you. I'm still here, so don't hesitate to send a message my way if you so wish. ❤️

[formsofcontinuity]

So it’s not my area of expertise and it’s been a while since I’ve read it, but I’ve always been a little obsessed with the story of Gilgamesh and Enkidu (I love Stephen Mitchell’s version, btw, it’s incredibly lyrical and I refuse to entertain any debates that Gilgamesh and Enkidu are not lovers).  Gilgamesh is a raging Mesopotamian dictator (c. 26th century BCE) who’s terrorizing his people. The people pray to the gods for salvation from his tyranny, so the gods create Enkidu, who is frequently referred to as his twin, but metaphorically, a soulmate. Gilgamesh’s own mother tells him that Enkidu will be like a brother to him, but one he will love “as a husband loves a wife.” The gods create Enkidu to bring balance to Gilgamesh, to make him whole, a better king and hero. Enkidu, a man born from the wilds of nature, and Gilgamesh, king of a thriving but troubled city-state, fight viciously when they first meet.* Gilgamesh is used to always getting his way, always winning, and Enkidu wants to defend the innocent citizens whose cries he hears from his home in the neighboring forest. But when neither man can best the other (or, in some versions, Enkidu is the first person who is stronger than Gilgamesh), they realize that they belong together and become inseparable companions instead of enemies. They go on adventures, support each other, love each other. With Enkidu, Gilgamesh can be vulnerable. With Gilgamesh, Enkidu can achieve greater things than he ever imagined. When Enkidu dies, after an ill-fated battle, Gilgamesh is so heartbroken he becomes a shell of himself and ventures to the ends of the Earth to try to conquer death. If this isn’t the ultimate enemies to lovers/soulmate story, I don’t know what is. (*There’s more to this story, like a priestess who meets Enkidu in the forest and “civilizes him,” teaching him language and human customs by having sex with him for seven days, which is...quite a feat on multiple levels....but I’m just focusing on Gilgamesh and Enkidu’s bond here.)

[dourpeep]

IT WAS 2AM WHEN I SENT THAT SO I HELD BACK MY SIMPING FOR COLLEGE ALBEDO A LITTLE. tried not to send all my brainrot so I didn't just send a wall of text into your inbox LOL. Some others I thought of were:

- Mona giving astrology forecasts and compatibility readings in this au and Albedo may have asked her about the two of you

- Going to botanical gardens or museums with Albedo but for some reason it feels like a date even when it didn't intent to be. You tug on his sleeve now and then when you see something he might be interested in or even when it's something that excites you, and Albedo can't help but have a soft look in his eyes that he can share this moment with you! Somehow it results in the two of you holding hands - just so neither of you stray from each other of course - and eventually, intertwined fingers. You hear someone say that the two of you seem like a cute couple and you know Albedo heard it too, but neither of you say anything. You feel his hand squeeze yours a little tighter and respond in kind. The two of you are too embarrassed to look at each other but can't help the smiles on your faces.

- Lending Albedo some of your favourite books for pleasure reading and you've left tiny tabs on lines that you like. Perhaps this is before Albedo realizes his feelings so when he reads particularly romantic lines, he wonders if this is how he feels about you. Or did you mark these pages because you feel this way about someone? His stomach is in knots to the thought that you may be intrested in someone that isn't him and he settles for it just being prose.

WHAT YOU WROTE WAS SO CUTE AAA. THANK YOU FOR SIMPING FOR COLLEGE BEDO WITH ME!!

Tugging his hand and not letting go omg . . . you tend to just intertwine pinkies or play with his fingers absent-mindedly that Albedo becomes so accustomed to it so he starts to offer you his hands without a second thought.

WAIT. I gasped at Albedo being a cuddler. He's a little delirious when he first wakes up but you're so comfy that he hugs you a little tighter, asking if you've slept well. You try to reply while worrying about whether or not he can feel your heart thrumming in your chest.

What if Klee is staying with Albedo one night and the three of you fall asleep cuddled up together. Alice comes back early in the morning before any of you are awake and takes a picture. She sends it to Albedo later and he sets it as his phone's wallpaper.

Albedo staring at your lips winded me, thank you.

YES TO THE SWEATERS. I bet Albedo would have the softest and coziest sweaters too! Imagine it being a little cold out and you see Albedo across campus so you bound over to him and give him a hug. You nuzzle into him and mumble out a little 'hello' and say he's warm. You feel his laugh rumble through his chest while he greets you back, wrapping his arms around you

And I LOVE ALL YOUR HEADCANONS! I believe I found your blog around the time you posted Albedo's snort headcanon and it was too much for my heart!! I held tight to that headcanon and never let go lol. I also thought the science + college headcanons you had of him were really nice despite not being necessarily romantic!

Side note: I looked up that lobster fact and that's so cool!!

The Lobster Fact(tm) is my go-to ice breaker and it always fails. I'd imagine it's normally the same w/ Bedo OTL so sad...not many wish to know about potential lobster immortality.

I'm glad that you love the headcanons though!! I enjoy writing for Albedo so so much as you can tell ehe

That being said--if it makes you more comfy to send stuff in a few bursts of asks, I don't mind :DD I'll answer them as usual nodnod

OKIE DOKIE

-

"...Mona, yes?"

"Ah, I was expecting you to come around sooner or later, Kreideprinz."

Really, Albedo didn't mean to stumble upon the Astronomy major, but for some reason the thought of you has been on his mind and the campus' observatory just so happened to be on the way. With the meager hope that...maybe he'd find some sort of answer (in what, he wasn't really sure himself), there she was.

Luckily, she knew just what he was there for.

The moment that she twirls her hand with a wave, telling him that there isn't anything to worry about, the apprehension creeping within his chest at the thought of seeing you next-

disappeared.

It's not often that he turns to less orthodox methods, but he wouldn't lie. Knowing that--at least in Mona's opinion (which tended to be correct, anyway)--the two of you were undoubtly compatible? Something about how your constellations were intertwined...

In fact, Albedo turns a little theory around in his mind. Though based in old folktales, the idea that you gravitate towards those who are made of the very same stardust as yourself, suddenly made sense.

Or, perhaps he was just being hopeful.

-

Little does he know that you most definitely asked Mona about the same thing earlier that day.

-

AHHHHH BUT OF COURSE-

Any of those kinds of places--Botanical Gardens, Art Museums, Aquariums, Zoos, Museums in general--Any place where you're able to utterly lose yourself in your surroundings and look around in awe, really, are your go-to date outing destination!

Usually, it's just the two of you, maybe with Sucrose or Timaeus if it's for a particular class, as well as the occasional Klee in tow whenever Alice is busy with work.

But in this case, fingers interlocked, it's just the two of you on a impromptu trip to the art museum downtown after seeing a promotional banner about a new exhibit. Once inside, you rush along, Albedo trailing close behind with a light squeeze of your hand. The large area used for temporary exhibits isn't far from the entrance, so it's not long until you skid to a stop.

All along the walls are incredibly detailed oil paintings, the thin layered strokes glistening in the light. Albedo takes a moment to whisper to you about how oil paint works.

Due to the thinness of the paint and it's transparency, light passes through every carefully placed stroke, allowing for a unique sort of depth that isn't achievable with other painting media. You smile, the artificial light of the art exhibit making your features glow and Albedo can't help but wonder if you are like those paintings.

So complex, so carefully created in an image perfected with time. Your eyes search his and you say his name and Albedo clears his throat when he realizes he's been staring.

"Do you like this one?"

Ah, you must've assumed he took a liking to this particular painting.

His eyes shift back to it, taking in the sight of the balance of color, the composition, then back to you. He only stares a second longer before nodding.

Whether or not you realize the view he likes is you is something that he dwells on as you both make your way to the next painting.

-

If you had a penny for every time that someone comments on the way you compliment each other, you'd probably be able to pay off your tuition for next semester.

Okay, perhaps not, but the idea still stands.

You're only just at the end of the art exhibit when the security guard wishes the two of you a lovely date. Something about how young love is something to be treasured, something about how the two of you already seem so natural and comfortable in each other's presence.

Before you can mumble out an explanation, Albedo just squeezes your hand, gentle as always, and smiles.

It's a compliment, right? For someone to see how close you are, even if you really are just friends, is a good thing.

Ignoring the warmth that spreads over your cheeks, you smile and turn your head away shyly. Squeezing his hand back, the thought of what it'd be like if you were together crosses your mind.

-

Just as you lend books to him, he lends books to you. Surprisingly, this time it just so happens to be a poetry book--something that you expressed interest in a week ago but ended up not getting.

Within, he's left colorful notes with his neat, slanted writing.

Short discussions (presumably questions to himself) of what the poet must've been thinking, different possible scenarios, are peppered throughout the book. But one just so happens to catch your eye. Rather than a question, it's a statement. Simple, short, and...sweet.

'You carry the aura of the stars.'

The little yellow sticky note pasted beneath a love poem to the night sky stands out. Suppressing a flutter in your chest, you continue reading through the poem book with a few giggles at Albedo's musings until you find a note with most of the words crossed out.

It's entirely unlike him, the way that the dark ink scribbled over the words, making them illegible.

But at the bottom was a continued attempt--one you presume he was satisfied with by the way it lay pristine on the colorful paper.

'You look. I fail to speak.

Your mind, so brilliant as it is I wish to see behind To further appreciate the one I love.

I can only hope one day you shall let me in, So for now I wait patiently by your side.'

Who could he have written this for? You can't help but stare at the poetic attempt, knowing full well that Albedo seldom does something without meaning.

The book closes and you tuck it back on the shelf to ask about later.

-

AAAAA YESYESYESYES I LOVE THAT CUDDLE PILE W/ ALBEDO AND KLEE

Even though Albedo's a grade A student and certified genius (he's adamant in his denial, shaking his head and mumbling about how he just studies hard), he's not entirely a stickler for rules.

Well, that is, Aunt Alice's suggestion that Klee goes to bed by 9.

Instead, the three of you settle in the common room of Albedo's place in a bundle of pillows and blankets at the demands of a pillow fort.

The tv blinks on accompanied by the near silent click of the remote.

"What should we watch?"

Klee always ends up picking the movie. This time, she wants Alice in Wonderland, commenting on how the bunny is like her best friend Dodoco and the blonde girl on screen is named after mommy. Albedo doesn't bother correcting her, even though he knows quite well that dear, sweet Dodoco is a chinchilla.

Between sips of juice and a few mouthfuls of popcorn, the three of you fall asleep, Klee curled up besides you and Albedo's arm draped over you both.

Even when the sun is up in the sky, you sleep peacefully.

So, naturally, Aunt Alice has a spare key just in case something like this happens.

Immediately she's met with the sweetest view--her two kids (she's practically adopted Albedo as her own at this point) and--

Hiding a cheeky smile behind her hand, Alice can't help but sneak a little closer when she spies the way that you and Albedo somehow gravitated closer, his face buried in your hair and yours resting against his collar. Wedged between you with tousled hair, Klee snoozes peacefully.

She snaps a picture, followed by another, and another, and a fourth for good measures before meandering into the kitchen to prep something for breakfast.

Might as well let her three favorite people enjoy the comfort of sleep for a little longer...

You wake up the moment that Klee wiggles her way out of the blankets, nuzzling against the warmth radiating under your cheek.

Nice and cozy. Smells nice...wait.

Eyes fluttering open, you're met with a familiar birthmark and the nearly gone scent of Albedo's cologne.

You nearly pull away until the arm, now wrapped around your waist, pulls you closer accompanied by a satisfied sigh. Ah. You shut your eyes tight when you realize that Albedo's going to be asleep for at least another thirty minutes, resigning to your fate gladly.

Of course, Alice takes the opportunity to snap a few more pictures when you've finally fallen back asleep.

-

YES ALSO ALSO

Speaking of Albedo and sweaters and warm and also the just mentioned cologne. A little fun tidbit--not only are you familiar with the scent of his cologne because he wears it often, but it (in this au) is actually one that you picked out some time back. You probably were at the store together smelling some of the perfumes when you came across one that you were pleasantly surprised by.

Specifically, something that's lightly floral, a little warm but sweet with a hint of earthiness.

The pros? It fits Albedo perfectly! It also kinda sticks well and his place faintly smells of it.

The cons?? Well...you're embarrassed to say that hugging Albedo tends to drag on a little longer than anticipated because it's just such a comforting scent-

Not because you associate it with Albedo or anything-

Ehe

Man I really went to town again, didn't I?? Well, I'm glad that you enjoy my headcanons :DDD Albedo just seems like such a sweet person??? Like endearing in a way that just is...him. If that makes sense.

Brain go brrrrrr

I'll admit that my favorite headcanons for Bedo are mundane and domestic ones though! Like these! Just the little moments where there's nothing really going on except for him and you and ahhhh yesyesyes

Okay that's all-

[tears-of-themiss]

AUs for the boys that won't stop bouncing around my brain

Marius

Howl's Moving Castle- Marius as a disaster wizard who people claim has done all this awful shit, but really just wants to do his own shit and be left alone. He's super melodramatic and goofy, kinda vain, thinks he's hot shit, hella flirty. Rosa/whoever as a Totally Normal person getting cursed by the Witch of the Waste (idk who) and ending up at Marius' chaotic mess of a castle. Royal Wizard Giann and former King Hume are missing and Marius is tasked to find them & kill the witch, somehow ends up the new Royal Wizard which is something he's been avoiding forever. Rosa is actual a super powerful magic user who just needed to work on their self-confidence. (idfk I need to reread the book and give it a think but I kinda wanna write it??? Also think it could be a cool AU for Vyn what with the heart stuff and him starting to feel his feelings because of a certain person but would need to tinker w it a lot more)

Schitt's Creek- I just think it could be v funny. Austin, Giann, and Marius are all spoiled and rich, but Austin gets fucked over by a business partner, and they lose all their money. The only thing they have left is a property in the absolute middle of nowhere- a rundown motel that had been a stupid, drunken purchase solely for a joke. They have to figure out how to live and rebuild their lives, and in the process they get a reality check, they become closer, and they grow to love this small town. Austin fixes up the motel and gets it making money. He eventually gets a business of some sort started. Giann gets a job, maybe becomes a partner, maybe starts his own company or something. He meets his partner in town. They date and eventually get engaged/married. Marius opens an art store and holds events and galleries. (Maybe he names it after his mom?????) He meets Rosa/whoever and learns to be more vulnerable. (this started as a joke but I kinda love it now?)

I looked up soulmate AUs for Vyn and on the list was "Everything is grayscale until you meet your soulmate." And I think that'd be Very Cool to play with since Marius is an artist.

Z still being beloved and talented, but his paintings are either grayscale or he uses color, but he can't Really tell what colors he's working with, just sees shade difference, so the paintings are kinda wild but still gorgeous. Then meeting his soulmate and suddenly he can see color??? Everything is different and beautiful, and he's so excited and in awe. It's like he's learning about art all over again and he loves it? The next Z painting is so colorful and absolutely breathtaking, and the art world explodes because Z found their soulmate!?! And somehow their art is even more beautiful?! Expect to spend an entire day on a museum date listening to Marius wax poetic about art pieces that he's seeing in a whole new light. Also a whole new way to study art- looking at artists who never met their soulmate, comparing works from an artist before and after meeting their soulmate, artists who only started after meeting their soulmate. (maybe everything goes back to grayscale when your soulmate dies and that's a whole other era to study).

Vyn

Bridgerton- Vyn has childhood trauma, and he doesn't wanna get married, but he's a v eligible bachelor. Rosa/whoever as the one to watch of the social season, but someone steals their spotlight and suddenly their only prospect is a way-too-old-for-them creep. When rejected, said creep acts up and Rosa punches them in the face. Vyn sees and can't help but be drawn to them. Together, they hatch a plan to fake date so everyone will get off Vyn's back and MC will be seen as desirable by all the other eligible suitors. Who could've forseen the outcome of them actually catching feelings? Also, there's an anonymous newsletter with all the hot gossip about the social scene. A lot of yearning and drama ensues. (Also kinda wanna write it??? but don't feel like I have a great grasp on Vyn yet)

I think a soulmate AU could be v fun w Vyn "I suppress all of my feelings" Richter. Maybe one where you sometimes feel a strong emotion your soulmate is feeling (pain included!). Or one where you'll get any marks/bruises that your soulmate has.

Luke

Russian Doll- Luke lives a dangerous life as an NSB agent and a self-sacrificing idiot, so it's not entirely surprising when he dies. It is surprising when he wakes up in his bathroom at the beginning of the evening, though. And when it happens again. And again. He's either trapped in a time loop or he's going insane, but either way, all he can do is try to get through this mission without dying and hope that eventually time will stop repeating itself. But then he meets Rosa/whoever, and realizes he's not the only one in this odd situation. Together, they have to figure out what the hell is happening, and fast, because reality seems to be unraveling more and more with every passing loop. (Soulmates? Self-discovery? Loving and Truly Seeing another person? Fate? Growth? Timey-whimey bullshit? I'm here for it. Would be a ridiculous project tho. I had a hard time grasping everything that was going on in the show. Also it's a concept that's prob more suitable for video than prose Making it into an AU would be something I'd have to ponder on)

Antique shop AU? no NSB shit, just a man who owns an antique shop. Bringing something in to get repairs and oh no! the owner is hot! shenanigans ensue

Artem

Pride & Prejudice- Mr. Wing as the wealthy, anxious mess of a human being who is always saying the wrong thing. Rosa/whoever as the intelligent, kinda judgy person who overhears him and holds it against him. Artem is so confused because he's been nothing but polite to them, but they're always so curt with him? Artem being all heart-eyed, but being terrible at showing it. Proposing to them and getting his poor heart crushed. Rosa realizing "oh wait, no. I fucked up." Artem saving the day at the end. They get engaged. There's just so much yearning and misunderstanding.

Oh, fuck or it could be a like a Lizzie Bennet Diaries where its more modern

Bookstore AU or Coffee Shop AU?

All

Good Place AU anyone?

Ghost Hunters- I think it'd be hilarious. Vyn doesn't believe in any of it but respects others' opinions. He will fuck with Marius to spook him, though. Artem doesn't either, but knows there's just some things in the world we just can't explain. He is Dad friend and always worried about structural integrity and safety. Hates when someone is hurt- even if it is just a scratch. I feel like he and Vyn swap off who's the cameraman. Marius does believe, but he puts on a jokey facade like he doesn't. ("Hey there demons! It's me! Ya boi!") He's def the most easily spooked. Luke does, and he tries to be polite with any potential ghosts. He'll goof with Marius, but he will not taunt any spirits. Has good instincts about this stuff, so when Luke is creeped out and wary, it's usually not a great sign. Rosa is the bravest of them all. Like Luke, has good instincts and is respectful. She doesn't not believe, but knows a lot of the places they visit are either just the site of a tragic event or total bullshit. The most compassionate. Probably the one to explain the history/story of a place.

[ranger-kellyn]

Do you ever think about how in BOTW Robbie says in his diary he never got to say goodbye to Purah? Like- I can't. I JUST CAN'T! 😭

WHEN I TELL U I THINK ABOUT THAT NEARLY EVERY DAY I AM ONLY BARELY EXAGGERATING

i reFUSE to accept it. i think he lied in his notebook. they all write their journals like they're EXPECTING them to be read. they all LIED and i rEFUSE-

-----

have the extended wip from my very first wip wednesday based on this VERY THING

-----

Slapping her hands over her mouth was all Purah could do to smother her own laughter, watching as Robbie smacked Link in his lower back with his rolled-up notebook.

“I’m starting to think I liked it better when you kept your nose outta things!” Robbie said, huffing and puffing his entire way back to his chair.

“I’m sorry!” Link said, keeping his distance out of swatting range.

Robbie swatted at the air, grumbling again.

Looking over at Link, all Purah could do was grin. “What’cha get into this time, Linky?” she asked.

He crossed his arms, face flushed with embarrassment.

“Journals I never said he could read!” Robbie answered, getting another laugh from Purah.

“How was I supposed to distinguish that from all your other mess of papers that you said I could?” Link asked.

The look Robbie shot her was that of, ‘Can you believe this guy?’

She shook her head. “Now he’s done it to both of us…”

Robbie continued to fuss at Link, all the way until Jerren and Zelda came to his rescue, dragging him along on their trip to Skull Lake to further investigate the shrine that was there.

Given it had been over 100 years since they last saw one another, Purah opted to stay behind with Robbie to continue catching up.

For the both of them, seeing one another after so long was...odd, at best; but in the same breath, odd always accompanied their relationship in some way, pre-calamity and post-calamity, so it wasn’t too hard to find a rhythm with one another again.

On Purah’s end, it was odd seeing Robbie as he was now. As a little old man, with a wife and a kid. (Never mind the part where his wife had been her assistant at one time)

For Robbie, even though he was fully aware of her experiment that had led to her physically reverting to a child, nothing could have prepared him to see her looking almost exactly as she did the day they last saw one another, the only key difference being a lack of dye in her hair and on her nails.

“What was he even getting into, anyway?” Purah asked, setting her cup of tea on the table separating them.

Unrolling the notebook, he leaned forward to place them down, angled to where she could read the first page -an invitation to continue reading if she wanted. “Just an old journal detailing coming out here and whatnot. My fault for having it out, I guess.”

Waiting for him to lean back, she looked down at it. “Can I?” she asked.

He nodded. “Go ahead. Nothing good in there, anyways. Just a lot of guilt,” he said, tugging at her heart.

She knew the feeling all too well. Far too many of her early journals were just detailed rants about the guilt she felt about not having done enough to stop the calamity.

As she began to read the first few pages, a smile tugged at her lips. His writing always tended to be more...poetic. Writing tended to be the only place he ever properly gathered his thoughts, whereas when speaking he could easily get off on one tangent, only to go down six other tangents before finally getting to the point.

It was one of many things that helped them get along, seeing as she was no better in the manner.

“Pushy? Me a pushy woman?” She asked, her grin evident in her tone.

He crossed his arms, returning the grin. “Don’t even pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” he said.

She rolled her eyes in a playful manner. “I have never been pushy a day in my life. Especially not when it came to you,” she teased.

He chuckled. “Pushiest damn woman I’ve ever worked with,” he said.

When she looked up at him over the notebook, it occurred to him that, a lifetime ago, the look would have been more than enough to drive him mad in only the best kind of way. In only the way Purah ever did.

“Oh, please, you liked it. You wouldn’t have rolled over so easily if you didn’t. Mister Rebel Without A Cause only ever let me push him around,” she added.

“You and now my wife, apparently,” he said, thinking nothing of the comment.

Purah hesitated, re-reading the same line she had been on again. “That’s because I trained her first,” she said.

She re-read the line again, still not absorbing any of the words, too suddenly consumed with the thought of her oldest partner marrying and having a child with her old assistant. An assistant who was fifty years younger than the both of them.

If there was one major drawback of suddenly being so much younger, physically, it was that her emotions had distinctly become harder to control again. All the experience from her lifetime wasn’t enough when faced with a frontal lobe that wasn’t fully developed again.

A frontal lobe that only wanted to scream about how wrong all of it was. A frontal lobe that was competing with the knowledge that the calamity had forced people into odd situations, good, bad, and indifferent.

Robbie and Jerren were merely a product of the calamity; two people making the best of a bad situation neither had any control over and--

She re-read the line for a third time, finally registering a few words.

Though, it was thanks to her third re-read that she realized something: this wasn’t Robbie’s writing.

At least, it wasn’t his writing from when it would have been written.

Despite his hasty nature, his handwriting had always been immaculate. Neat, flowing letters, always in a perfect line even without some sort of paper line to guide him.

This handwriting was...scratchier. Some things didn’t connect the way they would have in the past. It wasn’t like his current handwriting, but it was better…

As she turned the page to continue reading, she hesitated.

Up to that point, she knew his account wasn’t entirely accurate, but had chalked it up to emotions getting in the way.

The way he described their parting, however, was an outright lie.

“Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice that Dr. Purah had slipped away. I knew Hateno Village wasn't much farther along the road, and that the Calamity had barely touched that area... So I felt safe letting her continue on her own. We parted ways without even saying good-bye, I suppose. Stirring myself back to action, I set out on my own journey back to Kakariko Village.”

Closing the notebook over her finger, she looked up at Robbie. “You and I both know that’s not how we parted,” she said, keeping her voice down, as though there was even anybody to overhear.

He looked away, unable to come up with a response.

“I might have skipped over some details, but I at least implied what happened,” she continued, feeling a distinct ache in her chest, cursing her young body. She had sworn a long time ago she had put all those feelings to rest.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he carefully looked back up at her. “You know I very well couldn't have written out every little detail like some trashy novel-”

“Like I said, I at least implied…” she defended.

Though, there had been a journal, long ago, right after she set up in Hateno, where she detailed everything. From everything the two of them had done, to every emotion she had forced herself to hold back from saying.

The guilt she felt from burning it in the ancient furnace nagged at her now and then.

“Don’t know why I’m trying to keep secrets after 100 years.” He adjusted himself to be more comfortable in his chair. “That’s an amended version, Cherry.”

From the other room, she just barely heard the Ancient Oven stir to life, a low grinding sound as it moved around.

Despite herself, she felt a shiver run up her spine. It had been a long time since she last heard that nickname. A nickname he had given her after she first put the red streak in her hair. A nickname she only allowed him to use.

A nickname she realized he had omitted from the journal -something he would have never done in the past.

She leaned forward again to put the notebook back in its place, her desire to read any more thoroughly quashed. “You never told Jerren about us, did you?” she asked.

“No, but in my defense, you never did, either,” he said.

“No, but I didn’t knock her up and marry her, did I?” she asked, not holding back any of the bite.

He seemed to flinch at her words.

Over 100 years later, and she could still get a rise out of him; always knowing just how to get under his skin.

And like 100 years ago, no matter how much he wanted to fight back, he rolled over.

“Jerren wasn’t even born by the time you and I had to part ways. There wasn’t a point in bringing it up,” he said.

She’d rather he just punch her in the gut.

She wanted to fight back. To yell. To lay into him for making her think that what they had never actually meant anything.

For the life of her, she couldn’t. No words would come out.

Robbie breathed a laugh. “I know that look, Cherry.” She wanted to tell him to drop the nickname. “Whatever you’re overthinking, don’t overthink it.”

She rolled her eyes, pushing herself back into her chair. “Easy for you to say. You’ve got an old man's brain! I’m over here stuck with my dumb twenty-something brain that is determined to bring up every dumb emotion I swore up and down I had buried!”

He was silent for an uncomfortably long time.

Staring at the fire crackling away in the fireplace, she nearly jumped when he said her name.

“Humor me. Come with me a minute,” he said, sliding off his chair.

She said nothing, but stood to follow him.

He led them back into the main room, where the Ancient Oven turned to greet them, their weird voice tone still grating to Purah’s ears.

“Greetings, Dr. Robbie and FamiliarNameMissing,” they said.

Robbie chuckled, regarding the machine with a look that was probably uncomfortably soft for just about anyone else. Purah, however, remembered the look well. He had always been attached to the guardians they had drug into the Royal Research Lab, giving each of them individual names.

At the time, she pretended to think it was stupid, but, secretly, she had known all the names he had given them.

“My pride and joy, the Ancient Oven. Few things I love more in life,” he said.

She breathed a laugh, uncrossing her arms.

“Jerren, though...hates it,” he continued, getting another laugh from Purah.

“Kinda figured that. The way the poor thing sprung to life after Link finally replaced the blue flame told me it hadn’t been on for a while,” she said.

It had been rather sweet; Link not even needing to be asked to do it. The second they arrived, he saw that the outside furnace wasn’t lit, and headed off without prompt. The personality adjustment was still new to everyone, but he still had his core, endearing qualities.

“Ancient Oven wasn’t her original name,” Robbie continued. “And well...I suppose you deserve the truth.”

The machine looked between the both of them, Purah now regarding her...differently.

“Ancient Oven, what’s your name?” he asked.

She focused on him. “My name is simply Ancient Oven,” she responded in her odd cadence.

He shook his head. “What’s your real name? The name I gave you?” he clarified.

She hummed for a second, a slow grind of her gears. “My name is Cherry.”

There had been considerable heat emitted from the machine before, but Purah was positive the heat she was now feeling was from her own flush.

“Why are you named that?” Robbie asked.

“I am named after the first woman you ever loved...” The machine almost seemed to hesitate.

Maybe it was a part of her programing to acknowledge everyone within her vicinity while talking.

Maybe it was pure happenstance.

Maybe the machine somehow knew.

“Cherry,” she concluded, looking straight at Purah.

If she was flushed before, she was having a full-on hot flash now.

“Don’t misunderstand me. I love Jerren dearly. I love the son she gave me more than life itself...but there will always be a part of me that belongs to you.”

Run.

She wanted to run.

She wasn’t sure what was making it so hard to breathe. The heat from Cherry, her own flush, or the knowledge that she could say the very same to him.

She wanted to cry.

“I’m sorry-- I shouldn't be here,” she said, turning on her heel to leave.

“Purah-”

“No, no- I shouldn't be here. This was stupid- I’m so fucking stupid-- I knew coming here would do this! I knew seeing you would do this,” she said, ranting her way to the door. She didn’t even bother going back for her coat, or anything else she didn’t have on her person. Zelda and Link could grab it for all she cared. She needed to get out.

“Purah, please,” he pleaded, following her to the door.

The midday air outside was far cooler thanks to the constant breeze coming off the ocean.

She looked around, searching for Mule among the horses in the nearby holding pen.

“Maybe I should have left without saying goodbye! I knew it then-- I should have made you hate me! Getting you to hate me- I should have. I should have done it.” She nearly tripped down the stairs, barely catching herself in time.

“You know damn well I could never hate you. I only ever lo-”

She instantly reared on him, talking over him so she didn’t have to hear that word. “Don’t! Don’t say it! Don’t you fucking say it!” she yelled.

Words that were all too familiar.

Words she said before.

Her eyes began to sting as she fought back tears. “I don’t care if you don’t feel it now, but don’t you dare tell me you felt it then!”

He waved his hands in exasperation. “Why? What is so damn bad about hearing me tell you how I felt?” he asked.

“Because you just don’t get it! You don’t get how pathetic I feel because I never got over you! I never moved on! I promised you I wouldn’t let you hold me back, but I lied to both of us! For over 100 years, I never moved on! I’m pathetic!” she yelled.

Only the wind dared to break the silence that followed. A soft rustle of the spring leaves. A sound far softer than her confession.

It took everything in her to not crumble in on herself. “You just don’t get it, Robbie. Maybe it was easier for you to move on, but I just...I never could.”

He grabbed a hold of the railing, but made no motion towards her. He only looked pained. “I don’t know what to say here, Purah. Nothing I can think of will make you feel better.”

[just-like-playing-tag]

A Letter from Norman reactions

Tonight I was feeling like reorganizing the notes I took after reading the novel for the first time. Just some random personal reactions I had after reading it; if anything catches your attention and you'd like to know more about a particular event from the novel, please feel free to ask and I'll be happy to help!!!

Under the cut because it's l o n g. That is, if Tumblr allows me to add a "read more", which has never happened before, but I'll keep hoping in it.

• Disclaimer: I'm suing anyone who ever said that the novel is all about NorEmma. I've literally put off reading it because I didn't want to get into something overly romantic while there's??? Nearly nothing about it that is romantic??????? Just a slight mention in that last chapter and that's it???????? Why are y'all like this

Prologue

• I need you all to know that the important letter™ through which Norman informed Emma about his plan starts with him describing the weather. I just think it's a relevant information.

• Ok I'm at freaking page 1 of “A letter from Norman” and. NORMAN IT'S A FREAKING LETTER TO EMMA NOT A SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY THERE'S LITERALLY NO REASON TO BE THIS POETIC

Maybe, I would get it if it was directed to Ray, but to Emma?????

Chapter 1

• Emma in 2038: Let's befriend ghosts

Emma in 2047: let's befriend demons

Seems like a logic consecution to me

• Ok but why has nobody ever mentioned the extremely precious Emma / Gilda moments in the novel???? My heart was completely melting that was the most adorable thing I've ever read??????

• The way Norman is constantly in awe of Ray is so adorable... Baby is so sweet I swear, he deserves the world

Chapter 2

• OK BUT THE SWEET EXCHANGE between Ray and Isabella before him and Emma go out at night?????? Ray is so pure is swear... He's a precious baby who didn't deserve all the shit he went through.

Reporting it in case anyone's curious; for context, Norman is sick, and Emma wants to go out look for a flower that she's read is going to help him feel better. Emma and Ray are convinced that Norman is going to die because babies are just that dramatic, and easily impressionable as well. They're seven here.

“ «Ray, I'm counting on you!»

Isabella pressed an hand on the boy's shoulder, who turned his face to her and diligently nodded, before continuing: «Differently from Emma, I don't think the flower is going to help Norman heal».

«What do you mean?»

«However, it's better than having to sit back and watch without doing anything. I too, like her, want him to heal as soon as possible.»

«Sure, I understand...» ”

NOW that hits so hard. You have to understand, this is after Ray had made the deal with Isabella. He had already started to plan the escape. In this occasion, he was on a very thin line: alone at night with Emma, outside the House, a child who knew the truth. Isabella knew those were the right conditions for him to attempt an escape, so she decided to test his loyalty; one misstep, and their deal - which was fundamental for the escape Ray was planning - would have ended.

But at the same time, Ray needed to go. Because, just like Emma, he just couldn't stand to lose Norman. And to see these three children caring so deeply about each other even at such a young age makes me honestly bawl. This is quite certainly my favorite thing from this series. And Ray deserves the world.

• Ray was so determined to save his two friends, he even considered for a moment, in the woods, to tell Emma the truth about the orphanage. I find it very nice how the novel hinted of all these times Ray almost revealed the truth, it really puts emphasis on how he was trying to find the best moment for the escape- but it also hints to how desperate he was to share this grievous burden he was forced to carry for the longest time.

• “ Ray, you must keep on living, Norman whispered to himself like a prayer. ”

I'm... I'M 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Doesn't help the fact that this bit was literally at the end of pages of Norman praising Ray and how brave he had been for so long.

• “ Nobody in the House would have wanted for Ray to pay with his life to amend the silence of all those years. ”

I love this bit. Nobody between the children ever hated Ray for speechlessly assisting to dozens of his siblings being lead to death, because they all immediately understood how much he was suffering, how powerless he must had felt, and also, even though it only led to him being even more hurt, how deeply he loved them all. It's really nice to realize that no children ever hated Ray- no one besides from himself. His siblings love him unconditionally, and that's precisely what he deserves 🤧🤧💕💕💕

• Norman: *adventures in a detailed description of Ray's features and gestures for no other apparent reason than the fact that he finds him pretty*

Chapter 3

• Ok I know people use to see Ray and Susan's interactions under the light of Ray having a crush on her but honestly? I think they make the cutest brotp. I never knew how much I needed Ray-having-an-older-sister content untill now.

• For real though!! What hits you really hard is to find out, even though he would had never ever showed it, how desperate he was to have somebody care about him, and to be loved. He literally grieves for losing someone that looks after him and is there to check on him in his lowest days- we know it's the thing Isabella never gave him. Man, this boy didn't deserve all the shit that happened to him. Tpn may have become an old known story for me, but Ray's sufferings in his early age will never stop tearing my heart apart.

• Ok, I wasn't ready for all this angst on Ray's part. I mean, I obviously know GF were hard times for him, but I didn't expect for him to take over the pov. Sis, how wrong I was. Now I'm crying.

• Coming to the realization that Ray's initial plan actually was to bring everyone in the escape, but he clearly had to give up on it after having realized it would have been impossible to save them 🥺🥺🥺

(I mean it was not impossible. He believed it was. But it wasn't.)

• Ok but. The last part of the Ner chapter. I really don't want to spoil it for anyone because it really was a beautiful chapter but I really need to say: Emma and Norman. The way it wasn't just Ray always being there for them, protecting them from afar; no matter their blissful ignorance, they have always been there for him too. They never abandoned that lonely boy, and they made it so that he could have a last reason not to give up. A single, dim light of hope in that pitch black, devastating world he was born in. I may or may not be crying my eyes out.

(Btw I had written this before the Ray special chapter came out, and it's kinda funny to look back at it now)

• The thing with the Ner chapter is: you enter in it after reading two chapters of normal, wholesome children's stories. There's a dark undertune in it, but it's very subtle and it doesn't interfere with the happy, cheerful atmosphere of these children facing adventures together with each other. But then the Ner chapter strikes, and the Ray pov arrives, and it's like being beaten with a bat in the stomach several times. Deep down, you had always known it; but you suddenly realize that all these children are going to die. And, even worse, there's one child who knows. There's one child who has to assist to everything powerlessly. There's one child, one freaking-nine-years-old who knows that all his siblings are going to die, and there's nothing he can do. That a single mistake could ruin the chances of making just two of his siblings survive, which is everything he's hanging to right now. One child who only needs to be loved. Well that... That hits hard.

Me expressing my thoughts: girl this form is shit you can't write something that is understandable to save your life can you

• Also can we please appreciate Norman taking so long to get out of the forest as it's a recurrent characterizzation of his character to be desperately willing to live just *French chef kiss*

• I really like how the novel underlined how Norman's choice of sacrificing himself corresponded to a betrayal toward his friends (when you think about it, Emma definitely felt betrayed). It's almost like in his last moments Norman chose to switch roles with Ray, taking on his shoulders the burden of being both the traitor and the sacrifice.

Chapter 4

• Norman: * “ He instinctively closed his eyes and abandoned himself to the sweet memory of that time he understood how deeply loved he was. ” *

Somewhere, Ray: Can't relate

• Emma: Norman, what you want to do when you grow up?

Norman: It's a secret.

Me:

• “ Ray woke up before everyone, as usual. ”

A remarkable detail. You'd think Ray, as a good depressed person as he is, would sleep more than the average. The truth is: he doesn't sleep at all.

• Norman: There's... Another person I like

Me:

• OK NOW WHY did none tell me about the nine (9) lines of Norman / Don interacting it was worth reading the novel solely for that.

• WHY DID NONE TELL ME ABOUT DON ALMOST STRANGLING NORMAN AND MAKING HIM LITERALLY PASS AWAY IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH READING THE NOVEL SOLELY FOR THAT

• Reading about Conny being there hurts a lot but reading about Sadie and Hao brings up a totally different kind of pain. Also who the hell is Cindy?

• Norman: Oh yes, Emma and Ray, my most dear friends, my closest siblings, the reason I wake up in the morning, my only reason to live, the ones I'd entrust my life with,

Also Norman: Dunnot in the last thirteen hours and six minutes they have been acting pretty sus, I'm kinda sure they're betraying me somehow ://

• “ «I agree, but it feels like you've fallen down a rabbit hole. You're restless, you constantly look off...» said the raven haired boy, distorting his mouth in an hardly intelligible grimace and giving his friend a meaningful look.

«Norman, about that mysterious girl...»

«No, you're mistaken! I...»

Norman, filled with frustration, raised up his voice, starting to lose the coolness that was usually characteristic of him.

«But I haven't said anything yet!»

That being said Ray, with slightly mocking doing, turned on his feet and went away, leaving Norman like that. ”

I LOVE THIS BIT SO INEXPLICABLY MUCH I'm always *so* in for Oreo finishing each other sentences / reading each other's thoughts. Here, Norman answered Ray's question before he could even expose it, because he already knew what it would have been. Equally, Ray knew what Norman was going to say even though he cut his answer halfway through.

I love how much on the same page they are, they really... Totally and fully understand each other even without words, and I find it so sweet. Seriously, their dynamic is so wholesome

• Norman's last birthday gift: the thing that matters the most to him: his family's happiness

Emma's reward: the thing that matters the most to her: her family's happiness

Some things hit harder than others.

• I don't know like. When you read the novel after the series has ended, everything hurts so much more, because you know these are all memories Emma has lost forever.

• So you made colorful clothing by "coloring old clothes"? Have fun realizing y'all have celebrated Norman's birthday wearing your dead siblings' clothes

Bonus this epic note I randomly took I completely forgot the context of:

• Isabella is a bitch. I don't give a fuck about your dramatic past woman, leave that boy alone

(When the protect Ray mood hits™)

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Our scars': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Our scars"

"We all have a story to tell about our scars, aren't we?"

Chapter Summary: Yirina woke up after facing again a very recent memory of her life, her state looking better on the outside but still struggling on the inside...

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3100

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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That music...it was staying in my head as I was having a feeling to have heard it before in my life, was it...the brainwashing...or something else? No, it had to be the brainwashing, the music was like echoing inside my head, like torture to me even if I was no longer reliving that memory but it all suddenly stop when my eyes slowly opened, breaking me off my sleep for the night. I passed my fingers through my eyelids to speed up the process of having a better vision and discovering which time it was now, the room still darkened with a bit of light coming from the outside.

When I moved my head slightly to look at my nightstand, I realized that I woke early...at 5:47 AM, never managed to get awake at that time and it caused me to sigh, only wanting to go back to sleep as Park was still holding me with her arms, her right hand still well-positioned above my heart. It was bringing me a little smile to have her with me and I wanted to go back into my sleeping mood but there was a little something that was avoiding me as if I didn't want to reface a memory like this...

Slowly realizing that I couldn't close my eyes in fear, seeing myself on that chair while either Stitch or Freya tormenting me for my choices, I decided to get myself up from bed even if it wasn't the time for that, gently removing Park's arms to let her sleep peacefully, and then, gathering my clothes that were still on the ground at my side of the bed to dress up, now wondering what I was going to do: breakfast? Stay on the couch?

It was when I put up my pants that my look got back on the nightstand where I could see Lazar's diary that I didn't look at it for days...since we came back to London from Verdansk, Park having read it all before I had to save her in that bar and since, I didn't read it because I was scared but now, I was curious, curious to see what was written in it. So, when I was finished and ready to get out, I took the diary with me before heading out.

Having it in my hands and it was like I was holding a big weight in my hands, given to what could be written & told inside it about some details I never knew about Lazar. Instead of going directly to get something to eat & drink, I walked to the living room main couch, installing myself on it and I was uncertain to actually open it as what Park saw caused what she did that night but...I needed to know, Lazar was a brother to me...so, I took a deep breath...and I opened it to the next page...

--------------------------------------------

Eleazar 'Lazar' Azoulay

1980

Today was a different and weird day to live for me, not because of my status or what I'm fighting for but for things that I will never have to do in my life, the risks we're taking to preserve our interests but also, to preserve what I'm standing for and what I want to believe.

A while ago, there were some rumors of people getting beheaded by a mysterious person and that case was very special to me as it was the first time I was facing such atrocities that a human can do to another one and it shakes me when I learned that it was one of us do.

She used to be called 'Madam Shell', a top MI6 agent that went rogue recently, known to kill some of her victims in particularly gruesome ways, including beheading, and today, I managed to find her in Cyprus all by myself.

My thoughts wanted at first to capture her and bring her to the MI6 for her crimes but something inside of me was saying that it couldn't bring justice for those who suffered from her, so instead of letting her do her life, I did exactly what she did to others: I beheaded her and threw her head in a river.

I know that it was gruesome for me, putting myself into questions of the things I'm doing for the others but I know myself that it was necessary, a sort of poetic justice. I did what's good for me but doing this kinda makes me question my own behavior.

Was I myself becoming someone I don't want to be?

----------------------------------------------

It was the first page I saw, the next one as a lot of pages were not here, having been teared up and it was talking about what he did to the person who made Park's neck scar and...it kinda brought a tear to my eyes to see that from him, it was something that put himself to question who he was...it was just troubling to see his writing and his diary after all these years away...troubling...

"Shit, I'm sorry, Laz'," I apologized, closing the diary with my hands along with my both eyes as if that memory I relived with Stitch put back my responsibility in Lazar's fate.

"Yirina?" Park's voice came inside the room, surprising me on my seat, like sending chills in me to hear her voice now. "It's almost 6 AM, why are you awake?" She asked me as she stepped inside, making me turn my head around to see that she was just wearing a simple long shirt with nothing covering her legs and feet.

"I woke up earlier, had a little nightmare," I replied to her, keeping my left hand above the cover of Lazar's diary as Park arrived at my sight in front of me. "You don't have to worry about it," I tried to lie but her face knew that she was seeing through me.

"What's wrong?" She demanded, walking to sit next to me on the couch before her eyes went on Lazar's diary. "You...you read it?" She chuckled at its sight.

"Just one page, just one," I whispered, taking a look at the diary before I decided to put it gently on the little table in the middle of the living room. "The page where he explained his vision on that day that he killed the one who...did it," I explained, my left hand pointing out at her scar on her neck.

"Madam Shell," She muttered, her look still on the diary. "I remember when I talked to you two about it...a few moments before we kissed," She said, remembering that perfectly, one of my first memories I recovered. "I wasn't even sure to talk about it freely, even with you,"

"You said that you weren't proud of it at that time," I remembered her words about it, feeling the pain that she had to face to talk of it. "I don't remember everything but what I could remember was a woman who managed to talk freely about it," I complimented, looking at her with a little smile on my face and her reaction was to put her eyes on me, returning a smile to me.

"I was just opening myself but thanks for it, Yiri," She grinned at me as she was holding her head with her right hand, her elbow on the backrest. "I'm getting over that part of my life but I can't still show it to the others that aren't you," She added in a low voice, her left hand posing slowly and lovely on my lap.

"If you don't want to show it, don't show it," I advised, not wanting to force herself in it. "Me, I got things that I can't hide," I stated, mentioning my scar on my head and the other's one.

"I like it, even if...well, you know," She told me, her voice meaning it despite the context of how I got it.

"Thanks but like you, I'm trying to get over it with no actual possibility to hide it," I snorted, scratching my chin with my right hand. "We all have a story to tell about our scars, aren't we?" I suggested to Park.

"Yes but I'm not sure that some will actually want to know about it if they don't ask," She responded, her left hand moving up along my shirt to get above my heart as she did in the night. "All of our scars are saying a story but are we willing to share them?" She asked, biting her top lip at me but I only raised my shoulders to her, couldn't know how to answer to it.

"If only between me & you, yes but with the others, can't tell," I decided nonetheless to give a little answer to her as she was looking rather curious. "Even if we both know about them, telling them to each other can maybe bring us more closer," I thought of it and she nodded at me.

"Of course," She agreed. "It isn't just thanks to our scars that the two of us are together but yeah, they helped to get us in each other's arms," She affirmed, her left fingers making some little circles around my heart. "As we're up, do you want something? Coffee?" She demanded.

"Well, I just want a coffee and...maybe I would get back on the bed to think freely," I replied, wanting to return to bed for having some clear thoughts.

"Don't move, I'll give you one," She ordered before she landed a soft kiss on my right cheek, and then, going back on her feet to walk towards the kitchen direction.

My mind was getting a bit confused about having to relive that memory with Stitch in that base even at this moment on the couch during my talk with Park of the marks that were on our bodies and inside, I know that there was a little struggling between not thinking of that dream or even about that music that was still getting heard through the very back of my head, almost going to moves my lips according to the song but I managed to hold on.

"Two coffees," Park spoke up as she was coming back in the room with two cups of coffee in both hands, me moving my arms to grab the one she was holding in her right hand.

"Thanks," I said in a low voice after grabbing the white cup in the palm of my hand, feeling the heat of the coffee inside of it and the white smoke coming out.

"You're good?" Park asked me as she got to sit back next to me, holding her own black cup with a little British flag on it in her left hand.

"I was thinking about the memory I relived," I responded to her before taking a little taste of the coffee...milk & sugar...as I love it...

"Can you tell me about it?" She questioned me obviously, knowing well that I was going to tell her about it anyway.

"It was like before: tied up to a chair in Verdansk and facing Stitch," I started, putting my both hands around my cup and looking at it. "Torturing me to make me speak, wondering why I was working with you and managing to know the reason...you," I continued, slowly turning my head around to look at her, taking a sip.

"I'm sorry," She apologized, moving her right hand behind my left shoulder.

"It wasn't your fault, not at all," I reassured her about that before looking back at my cup. "He was forcing me to listen to music non-stop, drugging me and trying to make myself responsible for what happened to Lazar," I added, a knot in my chest to pronounce these words as my right eye could see Park stopping in her moves. "Stitch wanted to give me back something I managed to get over,"

"It was never your fault, Yiri, you know that," Park said, keeping her hand on me and I was processing that sentence in my head, wanting to make sure that it was staying...it wasn't my fault. "We...well...no, we can't talk about this," She cut herself numerous times and I wasn't reacting to her as she was right.

"Was it something the CIA did?" I asked her like that, referring to the music.

"What?" She raised both eyebrows to me in a curious way as I wasn't very specific.

"Listening to music, was it something that the CIA used for me?" I clarified my question, wanting to make it clear. "Like...for the brainwashing or the normal interrogations methods?" I gasped at talking about it as normal for me.

"Yes, Adler used it on you...was it...'Staying alive'?" She guessed right as I nodded to her, giving me an answer about one of the things CIA did. "Shit, how did they know about that?"

"Perseus managed to get their hands on some CIA files about me and the MK-Ultra project, surely to either break the brainwashing...or to make a new one," I answered as that part was never put in front of our discussions since we got free. "They wanted to make a new one...and they did worse," I snorted, quickly passing my hand below my nose. "These memories, I don't even remember them...like if they tried to make me forget about it,"

"And somehow, you're living them again," Park thought, moving her hand on the top of my shoulder as I took a sip from my coffee.

"Did they hurt you, you know, after I broke?" I asked her about it, fearing the worst as remembering the day I broke down in front of Freya & Stitch was like falling headfirst from a building.

"Yes, they did," She said, causing me to gasp in sadness, closing my eyes but quickly open them back as I didn't want to see pictures of Park getting hurt in my head. "It was either Stitch or Freya but she was the one doing it the most, it was...more mentally than physically,"

"What did they do?" I chuckled at asking that.

"Freya was angry, wondering why I was playing with you as she was sure that you were loving her but as I was the one to fuck up your life," She alleged, her hands trembling as she put her black cup down on the table in front of us. "She was right for a part but...she wanted to make me realize that I was only here to brutalize you, to make you weak, and to make you forget about her true feelings," She added, sounding like she was going to cry to tell that.

"I don't know what happened but she's seeming obsessed with me as if she couldn't live without having me around," I stated, my right fingers delicately scratching the side of my cup before I decide to finish it entirely. "We got raised like sisters but...she was ready to sacrifice everything and even her relation with Sonya to have me back," I mentioned before putting my cup away on the table.

"Yeah," Park breathed in a very low voice before I turned around to look at her, hiding her face with her hands.

"You're alright?" I asked her and she slowly moves her hands to see that she was silently crying, a tear on her face coming out of her eyes.

"No...I...I'm sorry, Yirina," She broke out in tears before moving her arms around me, our conversation having surely done this to her.

"I'm sorry, we shouldn't have talked about this," I told her in her ear as I was getting my arms around her, to comfort her. "Do you want to go back to bed with me?" I proposed to her.

"Yes, please...please," She pleaded with me but as I wanted to go up with her, she wasn't moving at all from her spot, looking paralyzed on the couch.

I couldn't let her like that so I decided to take her in my arms, holding her in them and getting her bare feet off the ground before starting to walk away from the couch with her inside my arms, hers getting wrapped around my neck to stay well and be sure that she wasn't going to fall on the ground along the way, something that no one wants here, holding her was like seeing myself back when we were escaping Perseus with Sonya's help.

A few seconds later, we reached out our bedroom, opening with one of my free hands the door before moving to Park's side of the bed where I put her on it before I decided to install myself back at my side, staying now with her and cuddling her from behind as the sounds of her cries were still heard in my ears, resisting to not cry.

"I'm sorry, Yirina for what I did," She continued, feeling herself again guilty about everything.

"It's okay, I forgive you, you're forgiven," I reassured her as my arms around her were holding her softly and gently, not wanting to give her much harm. "I can't blame you,"

"You have to blame me, I was there with Adler," She stated in a raised broken voice against me but my only reaction was to only close my eyes and put my head against the back of her neck. "I was there, I helped him,"

"You're forgiven, Park," I repeated to her, giving a comforting kiss on her neck, myself resisting to not cry despite her owns. "You're an amazing person, I know it, Zasha knows it, Portnova knows it, you're amazing," I told her, telling the whole truth to her, she was amazing.

"Rea-Really?" She muttered, my right hand slowly moving towards her neck to touch along her scar in a comforting way.

"Yes, I love you, people can maybe think badly about you but you don't care, I'm here for you," I said in a very serious voice, feeling her skin & scar on my fingers, realizing that it was my first time been the one to comfort. "I love you, that's the main thing here," I affirmed, finally removing any space between us. "For me, you're the best person I've met," I confessed and her reaction was to turn around by herself against me.

"Really, you do think of it?" She demanded in a low voice, her hands slowly crossing to touch my cheeks and I nodded slowly but surely and to add, I kissed her on the lips, proving to her that I was meaning it at 100%

"Yes, you're the one I love, the one I'm protecting," I confirmed after the kiss before I moved my arms around for a big hug, getting my right hand behind her head that was now next to her, wanting to feel her secured with me...

"Don't worry, no one will hurt you with me, no one, you're a good person,"

[suchabadtush]

😐, 👀, 😈, 🌈 - hairdresser/model AU, 🧠. I also want to say that in that AU, Kyo's experience with being ace lined up weirdly well with my own at the time, and I considered commenting on the fic proper several times while you were posting it, but I chickened out every time. It's kind of late now, but thank you so much for writing it. - rowan

Oh, hey more questions, thank you!

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

Gee, I mean, almost everything. I get super nervous writing any kind of sex scenes, I know I'm preachy sometimes, and my writing is basically never poetic or profound. But theoretically the more I write, the better I ought to get at it, so eh, what're you gonna do.

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

Hmm, do I? Never say never! I have a lot of WIPs, and I figure I'll get around to posting all of them eventually? Oh hmm, maybe not my Orphan Black/Mononoke Hime AU. It was such a good idea when I was writing it, but I feel like I missed my window on that.

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

Going 2 months without updating. jkjk, I don't enjoy that either, yikes. I think everyone likes to make their readers suffer a little, right? But I hope they don't actually hate the things I enjoy doing, or hopefully they would just stop reading. (Or do I lose readers that way and never know about it? Guess there's no way to know.)

🌈 What inspired you to write "Your Hair Was Long When We First Met" (Hairdresser AU)?

A few things. Maybe I talked about them some in the author's notes on the fic, too, but for one thing obviously I just really love Kyo doing other people's hair, it just makes me happy to see (Not gonna say it's quite a hairdresser kink?? But it's got a lot of potential, like Shane from The L Word? Or there was a photoshoot I think where Suda Masaki was doing hair, too and it's just a whole thing). I don't remember why exactly that idea ended up combined with my wanting to make a story with Kyo on the ace spectrum, but that was something I'd wanted to do because (of my own experiences/struggles with all of that, but also) I was just tired of seeing stories (maybe especially fanfiction) where one character isn't interested in sex/doesn't enjoy sex/whatever it is, but then they meet The One, and suddenly sex is the best thing ever and they're Fixed because True Love. Maybe sometimes it works out that way(?), but other times it's a lot more complicated. I wanted to tell a story where that still wasn't an aspect of the relationship the character was interested in, but that didn't mean they couldn't have a fulfilling relationship, even if it was a struggle to come to that understanding.

🧠 What's an idea you have that you can't quite call a WIP yet?

I have over thirty fics on my To-Write list. Maybe half of those are no more than a handful of vague bullet points. There's like a community theatre AU, a traveling carnival/firespinning AU, an angsty kinda one involving amnesia? Flower shop/Tattoo Parlor AU. A few Kk ones. And some that are not AU, obviously too... Yeah, there's a bunch, haha.

And oh, wow, you're very welcome and I hope it could be helpful to you in some way? I think it's never too late, and I'm so glad to hear it now. It means a lot, thank you for telling me. And thanks again for the questions!

[dr-astormylasthurrah]

💎⛰️🔬🎢☀️🎵⭐ + 😊 "retract your final bid goodnight and breathe again. i need you to wake up because i can't do this without you."

YEAAAAAAAAA (spoilers under the cut!)

💎- What was your favorite part?

i’ve answered this already but as soon as i posted that i remembered a whole bunch of other things SO here’s some of my other favorite parts:

the ch4 trial. just the ENTIRE ch4 trial after chiyo figures out that maru killed ririka and iris. ryouji mcfreaking losing it. alexei living.

actually just about anything with ryouji in it. the fight in 5-1 hurt me to write and i care him so much. but also the cooking day in 2-3... the conversations with chiyo in 4-2, 5-3, and 5-5... the reconciliation with maru in 6-1... i think just, adding ryouji atsui to any scene makes it better. point of fact.

this is a tiny thing but i think the moment after maru voices that prospero has to be clause, and there’s this dead silence until caliban starts laughing

⛰️-  What was the hardest part?

i feel like every time i am asked about what i didn’t like abt aslh i say “case planning” and i feel like every time i’m asked people expect me to say something different. no. it’s always case planning. case planning sucks so much. it’s also really hard for me to outline in formal documents so i’ve just decided i don’t do that anymore. sparrow you’ve seen my planning process but for those of you who haven’t seen it, i just have a writing server, and i’ll just complain and spitball for about 50 messages and then suddenly in the middle of it i’ll switch to all caps because i had a galaxy brain moment. that’s how i plan my stories.

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

this is another list.

THE CHIYAL KISS... again, chiyal wasn’t at all planned, so i wanted it to be meaningful and poignant

in a similar vein, the ch3 body discovery. ha. haha.

ch4′s body discovery was like this too

ch6 obviously but especially claude’s reveal, and alexei shooting him. i think those two moments in particular are THE most cinematic in the entire story

ALSO THE CH2 TRIAL BUILDING UP TO TRISTAN ACCUSING TIANA

in general, a lot of the finer points of aslh weren’t actually planned from the start, so i had to get them right enough that they didn’t seem unplanned. the other thing is that i tend to get really poetic and rambly and i wanted the moments to hit properly without dragging onwards! or finding the right words

🎢 - Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

a lot of the scenes i was building up to for the previous questions were ones i figured would throw people for a loop. i always worry about getting big enough of payoff, i’m definitely like... if i were to be a mastermind, my aesthetic would be very claude-adjacent, and i want to pull out all the stops and milk everything for maximum drama. if that makes sense? so i’m always worried about getting enough of a reaction LOL

on a more serious note i’m actually really self conscious about my poetry so pretty much the entire time during interludes i was worried about people calling it out on being bad. iris’s poem i’m so sorry

☀️ - Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

not really “symbolism” but i have a lot of flowers associated with people in the cast, and the forget-me-nots ended up being brought up again and again. amal’s eyes are compared to suns a lot so i guess there’s a sun/moon thing going on with amal and chiyo? ch1 has ryouji making cake for maru because chiyo wanted to get to know them better, and ch6 has ryouji making cake for maru because he wanted to apologize, sort of. that was accidentally circular but i think it vibes

also, did you know that for the five “alt routes” of aslh that i’ve made, a different weapon becomes the incredibly symbolic one? the one in aslh’s main route, affectionately dubbed prospero route, is the gun. (antonio = sword; desdemona = sledgehammer, miranda = knife; emilia = ariel/birdbot)

🎵 - Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

sparrow i love you but i’m not linking all the playlists. take this though

⭐ - What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

okay tbh yeah claude’s reveal was probably just the most climactic of the whole thing. however, i also think the ch5 execution + aftermath is The defining aslh moment and it was iconic, legendary, and the moment

😊 - Leave your favorite line from my story in the ask and I’ll tell you what I was thinking. "retract your final bid goodnight and breathe again. i need you to wake up because i can't do this without you." 

okay full disclosure i took “i need you to wake up because i can’t do this without you” from a writing prompt post that i found 3 years ago. that, apparently, a hamilton blog made. i am so sorry, i am not a wordsmith, merely a word magpie that plucks gems of literary charm to place in the eyes of skulls. and stuff.

that said when i was writing the ch3 body discovery... i do my writing in chunks of different documents and then daisy-chain them together because i tend to get distracted and bored easily. so when i was writing the ch3 body discovery i’d been having a bad night and i was tired and crying and i was like “you know what? fuck it.“ and drafted it out. there’s a lot of moments of aslh that are very clear and crystalized in my mind in terms of what i was doing when i was writing them, and that’s one of them - i remember sitting at my desk in pitch black and my phone on my charger, and i was still sort of crying but stopped as i started to write.

interestingly, while there are several scenes in aslh that i wrote while crying, only two of them have actually made me cry: ririka’s death, and the post from takeshi and kiyoshi in X-3. scenes like chiyo dying and stuff were things i’d been emotionally preparing for, so i got to write them on my own terms in isolated documents when i felt ready to do so. ririka’s death, however, i tried to write in a restaurant while waiting for an order, and i thought about it too much and started tearing up. then a lot of the scenes in X-3 weren’t planned very meticulously, so i think it was writing that post that made me realize that hey, this is ending. this story is over. so many people are gone and they aren’t coming back but they loved each other and that has to have been enough. i might cry if i keep writing this post.

thank you sparrow i owe you my life

[jangirus]

I need to write more often and a short story about crushes I started to hate

This blog should be all about my English practice and I want to express my thoughts on English, cos I think it is good prevention of Alzheimer's disease and also it might help me to travel (if we will be able to travel).

I gave up this blogging idea and did not even told my promised story about something I don't really remember. This time I will write more, and tell not only about gay part of my life, but about whole my life. I hope I will manage this. But I guess Tumblr is out of sight of our Government so I guess it will be ok for me to have full freedom of speech, without getting to prison cos somehow there are more politics in my life than ever.

Ok, lets get back to gay stuff.

I live in a city where guys mostly looks something bearish. So no wonder I have alot of crushes among my coworkers and friends of my friends.

I never do anything wrong with the guys I like, most likely we will be friends after a while. I also can't imagine having sex with them. I just like them. If all this gay stuff was ok, I would defently ask them for a date. But its impossible now, cos i got a boyfriend and we can't speak about it.

But recently I realised that all my recent crushes are morons.

First one, he's our new coworker.

He is the most bear looking guy I know. Handsome, tall and powerfull with a deep voice and really hairy body. Everyone who he worked with hated him cos he was really arrogant, selfish and not very clever. I tryed to defend him infront of collegues but he started to chat with me more often. And I realised that he is unbearable. I honestly tryed to help him and so on, but he is so weird and arrogant that I can't stand it.

Guy number two.

Among the group of people I started hang out about 8 years ago was a handsome guy and he was super nice to each other, with weird but nice humor and we were only ones in this group who do not drink alcohol (now I am alcoholic of course but back then I was clean and always sober). So we became friends kind of and he was always asking me to go for a walk or hang out together and I was like YAS!

But one day we were walking with my friend and this guy and he started to spread out some homophobic shit and we couldn't stop him or prove them wrong. And that's made my heart broken.

But I forgive people for hatred of one thing in their lives, and also it might mean that he is really gay but he is afraid of himself.

I really thought that, but he asked me to go for a walk not that long time ago and started to say misogenistic nonsence. And in my opinion he was always so poetic about womens but he was truly hatefull inside. Gosh. I started to ignore him after that.

And as a cherry on top of the pie - he put our modern Z symbol on his profile picture to show everyone what a moron he truly is.

Third one

There is one guy at work who I liked since the first days I met him. He is chubby guy with a beard and a curly hair, shorter than me, wide in shoulders. And all together it made me think that he looks like god.

But after a story about the Second Guy here I went to stalk him in social media and discovered that he reads only propaganda social media. Gosh, you can't read Russia Today without throwing up. So my 5 year old feelings to him ended there.

That's how political situation makes some people less attractive for their views, suddenly. I never thought it could happen to me, but here we are.

[spacechip707]

Hey hey hey. I just read a bunch of your Saeyoung writings and I just can't get enough lol~ If you're taking requests, do you think you could write either number 71 or 49 from the prompt list for Saeyoung? (I live for the moments in your writing where there's lots of kisses and MC and Saeyoung just being SO in love with each other ahsjhdjs, so if you wanna put that in haha~) As always, endless praise for your talented writing and I can't wait for your future works!!! Have a nice day/night~❤️❤️❤️

Haha, thank you so much! I hope this is okay! If you want something less fluffy, let me know, but I hope you like this all the same:D

49.)  “I have to tell you something”

The wind combed its fingers through your hair, sending pleasant shivers down your neck. The air was cool and crisp and absolutely delicious. Across the horizon, tall buildings loomed in the distance, a few lights glittering the city like stars in a night sky. All of your senses were engaged, and you would’ve have been thoroughly enjoying it–you know, if you weren’t dangling over sixty feet off the ground.

You weren’t sure how you ended up in the rickety seat of a Ferris Wheel, but you blamed the red-head sitting beside you. That’s right. It was your stupid boyfriend who had asked if you wanted to go, and you had stupidly agreed because he gave you that stupid grin that made it against your very nature to refuse.

“Are you trying to crush my bones?” Saeyoung yelped, stretching out his fingers from your death grip. Without his hold to anchor you, your stomach took a steep plunge, and for a moment, you thought the rest of your body had too. You gasped at the gust that rocked the small passenger car. Instinctively, you clutched onto Saeyoung’s jacket and shut your eyes.

The warmth of his fingertips across your lower back bid you to open them again. Resisting the urge to look down, you fixated your gaze on the man in front of you. He surveyed your face, brows quirking inquisitively. “Are you okay? You’re really pale.”

You swallowed hard as that cotton candy from earlier burned at the back of your throat. “I have something to tell you, Saeyoung,” you said. You would’ve laughed at how dramatic that sounded if your stomach didn’t keep trying to get back to the ground without you.

He grabbed both of your hands, his eyes glimmering in the bright lights of the amusement park below. “Are you going to ask me to marry you?” he said. “I’ve been waiting for this day, you know.”

For a moment, you thought he was serious, but the edge of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly giving away his jest. You disentangled one hand just to slap him upside the head. “No, you dummy!” you shouted over his laughter. “I’m…I’m a bit squeamish when it comes to heights.”

His outburst died down to a few chuckles. “Then why didn’t you say so before?” he said. He took a hold of your hand, but his lack of concern was suspicious. Your intuition told you not to relax, and you wished you would’ve listened.

His other hand slid from your shoulder to your waist. Before you could recognize it as something other than an innocent touch, you jerked forward in your seat with a strangled cry seizing your throat. While you were still regaining your wits, your boyfriend was shaking from hilarity.

“Saeyoung!” you scolded, shoving his shoulder only to clasp it as the bench shifted. You were almost at the top now, and you were already formulating an apology to the unfortunate stranger who might get some regurgitated cotton candy splattered onto their head.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he said, panting for air. “No more pushes. I promise.”

You eased back into your seat at the vow. He wrapped an arm around you, securing you in his hold as the ride continually crept higher into the sky.

Your heart was racing the entire trip, but it completely stopped when the ride did…leaving you and Saeyoung suspended in the air…with one wrong move leading to your deaths. Oh gosh, you were really going to be sick.

Saeyoung clicked his tongue, and his grip on you loosened when he leaned over the railing. His gaze swept over the scene below, and you wondered how he was stomaching it. “Looks like the ride broke.”

Your eyes widened, and this time bile did sting your throat. “What?” you breathed.

He turned back to you, a smirk plastered on his lips. “I’m kidding. They stop the wheel at random times so a lucky couple gets to enjoy the view. Guess who’s the lucky couple?”

You didn’t exactly agree with the perceived state of your fortune. With a bemoaned groan, you pressed yourself back into the seat. “Couldn’t they just skip us?”

Saeyoung sighed, his breath swirling into mist with the chilly air. He tapped your nose. “It’s only for a few minutes,” he said. “Besides, think about how much closer we are to the moon! If we’re getting married in the space station, this is good practice.”

“But space doesn’t have gravity,” you pointed out, shuffling your feet underneath you. “You can’t plummet to your death in space.”

His teeth flashed in an amused grin before he once again entwined his hands with yours. He leaned back into his own seat and jerked his chin ahead of him. “How about we admire the view? Tell me what you like. It’ll calm you down.”

You were skeptical, but you thought you might at least try his methods. You begrudgingly shifted your gaze from him to the cityscape ahead. “Well,” you began. Your eyes wandered across the vastness, actually taking in the scene before you. “The buildings…they kind of look like mountains, right? And you can see part of the sea from here too. The moon looks really pretty from here and…it’s reflection on the ocean is amazing.”

His hold on your hand tightened, and suddenly the tense atmosphere vanished. You hated to admit it, but he was right. Suddenly, your mind was sharp and focused on every detail. The noise from the crowd below faded, and you were really only aware of the luminous night sky and his warmth radiating onto your palms.

After a few minutes, you noticed he had yet to speak. You elbowed him without moving your attention from the landscape. “Hey, your turn. What are you thinking?”

“Beautiful,” he said, his voice distant and barely above a whisper. You tilted your head in a mix of confusion and surprise. Saeyoung could be quite poetic in times like these, and a single worded answer wasn’t what you were expecting. When he didn’t elaborate, you turned your head and found he wasn’t looking at the view at all.

He was staring at you.

Your eyes locked for a second before he jumped at the realization and abruptly looked away. It was hard to see in the dim light, but you swore you saw his cheeks flush. That was just fine because you were pretty sure yours were too.

It was funny, really. A few moments before, your mind was convincing you that the contraption you were currently riding would be your cause of death before the night was over. And now, with a single word, the man in front of you very nearly stopped your heart completely. Eighty feet in the air and all you could think about was how you were so in love with him.

You sucked in a sharp breath, drawing his attention back to you. “Well, your idea worked,” you said. “I’m not that scared anymore.”

A smile graced his lips, and he let out a throaty chuckle. “That’s too bad.”

You raised a brow, scooting away at the statement. “Excuse me?”

He nudged his glasses further up his nose. “I had another method, if the view didn’t work.”

“What was that?” you asked, fidgeting at the way his hands rested on your torso. That didn’t go so well before.

“I read somewhere that fear comes from association. So, if you get someone to associate a good memory with their fear, they get over it,” he explained. “Do you want to try it anyway?”

His fingers tightened around your jacket, and your heart was already pounding at the possibility of another scare. But of course, he was wearing that stupid grin again, and you found yourself nodding despite your brain’s screaming protests. “But I swear, Saeyoung, if you try to push me again I’ll–”

Your threat was interrupted with the taste of cotton candy and the traces of electricity dancing through your veins. Your breath was caught somewhere between your lungs and your mouth and remained there even after he pulled away from the kiss.

The edge of his mouth brushed yours as he smiled. His amber eyes flickered across your features, and your face heated at their thorough inspection. “Told you this way was better,” he winked. Laughter tumbled out of your mouth, whether it was from the joke or out of sheer happiness, you weren’t sure.   

The ride lurched forward and you two were moving towards the ground once more. Oddly enough, disappointment panged at your chest, and you wondered what might’ve occurred if it had paused just a few moments longer at the top.

“Actually, MC,” Saeyoung said, interrupting the silence. “I have something to tell you.”

“What’s that?” you asked, snuggling into his chest.

“I lied about the whole fear thing,” he said. You looked up at him, catching the glint behind his lenses before he shrugged. “It was just an excuse to kiss you. But it was super smooth, right?”

As he continued to praise his own “smooth moves”, you rubbed your face wearily. Gosh, if he wasn’t the most unpredictable, incorrigible dork you knew. But of course, you were, and always would be, hopelessly in love with him anyway.