#but I still think they are interesting as they tell future readers what beliefs queer people had at the time

[gautierprotectionsquad]

through a quick search, i found these

Bisexual and Pansexual Manifesto (first published in French)

Pansexual Manifesto carrd

Does pansexuality have its own manifesto? If so, link it to me. Unfortunately, all I find are manifestos from 2021, which I actually remember someone saying pansexuals have a manifesto from before that. Thank you.

hi! so i don't know if there are any out there. i don't think i've specifically looked.

[bookish-bi-mormon]

Question, what exactly do you mean when you say you’re a witch? I’m LDS too, but isn’t witchcraft not something we believe in/condone-? I’m not asking in a judgemental way. I just really like all of the witchy stuff that’s rising right now, but I can’t make myself believe that it does anything. I don’t want to do witchy things “for the aesthetic” or just for the intentions, because that seems disrespectful to the people who do think that magic is real. Thoughts? (Sorry if this is totally incomprehensible.)

Hi! This is a fantastic question, one I was asking myself just a few months ago (and honestly am still asking myself, cause I'm still figuring everything out)

A couple things you have to understand about me first:

My relationship with Mormonism is weird. I'm bi and nonbinary, and there are a few BIG tenets of the LDS Church* that I don't subscribe to. So what I have to say on the subject is definitely not church sanctioned. I still go to church pretty regularly but I'm planning my queer wedding right now, so my future with the church as an organization is a little uncertain. (I see from you're bio you're also a "progressive latter-day saint" but I still felt this disclaimer was important)

I just started researching Witchcraft in March, so my knowledge of the craft is extreeeemely limited. Witchcraft is a very complex, almost "create your own" buffet style kind of spiritual path. There are a few things that you need, but there a lot of different paths to follow and ways to be a witch, and I have just barely scratched the surface of all that.

So basically take everything I saw with a grain of salt, or two. Or like twenty handfuls of salt. I'm just trying to figure stuff out.

But I feel like the core of your question is "is being a witch contrary to Heavenly Father's commandments and/or can you practice witchcraft while not believing the same as other witches"

More under the cut cause this got LONG

I first got interested in the idea of "Mormon witchcraft" because there is a man named Josh Baird who is creating a Mormon Tarot deck (each card has figures from Mormon history). On his Patreon there is an article that mentions the "folk magic" that was common among early Saints in Josephs' day.

I found a book called "Early Mormonism and the Modern Worldview" by D. Michael Quinn that explores in depth these "magical" practices. Lucy Mack Smith was a palm reader. Seer stones, tarot cards, folk healing, etc was believed in by many.

There are a lot of things inherent to Mormonism that make it more "magical" than other protestant Christian religions. Namely: Patriarchal Blessings (fortune telling), Ordinances for those who have passed (affecting the afterlife), as well as other aspects of Temple worship (signs and marks). I've always felt the Priesthood was a kind of Magic.

The Temple Endowment was reportedly somewhat inspired by Joseph Smith's membership with Freemasonry, which I don't know much about but I know most of the world sees them as a kind of "occult" group.

I already know a lot of members of the church who practice Tarot and no one seems to think much of it, so why not branch out into other "witchy" practices?

I have felt the spirit more strongly in my life since I've started learning about the way witches think about the world, nature, and energies, and I've had a few tarot readings that I truly believe were led by Our Heavenly Parents.

Will it offend other witches?

Witch beliefs come in all shapes and colors, there are agnostic and atheist witches, who practice spells with a belief that the intentions and energies have an affect on themselves and the world around them, without any kind of divine intervention. Witchcraft is open to any kind of belief system (although, I suppose you do have to believe that the magic will do something, if only to yourself (like help you be more confident etc)).

There are Christian Witches who follow Jesus Christ and adapt wiccan/witchy** beliefs to their Christian life. If other Christians can do it, why not us? (I have a book by a Christian Witch that addresses the general Christian aversion/condemnation of witchcraft and I'd be happy to share their explanation with you, it's long though and this post is already super long

What is the difference between a prayer and a spell? A prayer is me connecting with God, thanking him, talking with Him about the things I need and want, and asking for His guidance. A Spell is very similar, it just also uses the physical elements of this world that Our Heavenly Parents created, to help ground and specify our desires and intentions. Spells can be used as a way to give thanks or a way to ask for things we feel we need. Tarot is one way to ask for guidance and get a more tangible answer (for me that helps a lot). It still takes intuition, and listening to the Spirit's voice. I don't believe that my intention and spells have any power to go against the Will of God, any more than my regular prayers do, but it does help me to feel more involved in the process.

Keep in mind I've done like 2 spells. And they were both about helping myself emotionally. Like I said, I'm pretty new at this.

Many witches will warn you of the need to purify, cleanse, and protect when you are doing spells. I don't have much experience with this, but I always say a prayer when I'm attempting anything magical. I ask Our Heavenly Parents to be with me, and I always close in the name of Jesus Christ. If there are malevolent spirits that can harm you while doing magic, I believe these prayers protect me. (please do more research on this I don't know, I need to do more research before I do more complex spells).

Feel free to DM me if you'd like to know more! I have a few books and discord servers I can share if you're interested. Learning is always good, even if (and maybe especially if) you discover this isn't the right path for you!

*I use "Mormon" and "LDS church" separately, one to mean the belief system set in motion by Joseph Smith in general, the other to specifically refer to the institution run from Salt Lake city, although I'm currently a member of both I find myself pulling from historical Mormon beliefs that have been out of practice in the church for a long time, so "Mormon" feels more apt to me. I know we were asked to stop using it but I'm not sure how else to refer to my belief system when it stretches outside of the Church's definitions.

**Wicca is a specific religion with a theology and covens and specific deities. Wiccans are witches, but not all witches are Wiccan. There are witches who follow norse, greek, egyptian, celtic etc. pantheons, among many many other types.

[bumblebee-moreno]

LGBT EDUCATION EVENT

I posted a bit ago to see who might be interested in an event for anyone to ask me any question they want about my LGBT identities, or the LGBT community in general, and there seemed to be quite a bit of interest, so here we are!

Event goes from midnight to midnight March 30 (starts in 5 minutes, lasts for the full 24 hours).

For those of you who don’t know me (you can skip this part if you already know who I am):

My name is Bumblebee, but you can call me Bee. I am white and use he/they pronouns. I am FTM nonbinary, queer, demisexual, and polyamorous. I work part-time at a non-profit targeted towards trans youth. At the non-profit, I moderate our 24/7 chat (I’m not the only moderator, don’t worry, I do sleep), am a facilitator for our middle school support group (When one of our high school facilitators cannot make it, I also step into that group occasionally). I also help create and present workshops (We are currently in the process of creating a presentation for Microsoft). My other job is as a receptionist for a Veterinary Clinic. (For safety reasons, I will not be sharing which nonprofit I work at, or which veterinary clinic I work at. If, for some reason you find out where I work, please keep this information to yourself). I was diagnosed with ADHD in February, and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder two years ago. I have lived in the USA my whole life, and was raised in a non-religious household. My extended family is mostly Christian, with a few relatives who are Norse Pagan (we are originally from Norway). I am agnostic.

The purpose of this event:

Education. That’s literally it. I’ve noticed a lot of misconceptions about the LGBT community, and want to combat that with a good ol’ fashioned Q&A.

Here are a few rules before we start:

(I do have a TL/DR at the bottom, but if you have the time, I encourage you to read the full thing)

- This is a safe space.

This means a few things: You can ask any question you like and I will not be offended. Nothing is to be taken personally, it will always be assumed that you are trying to learn, unless you’ve clearly proven otherwise. If you’re hurt by something someone (including myself) has said, you’re free and encouraged to say something about it. All identities are welcome. Everything will be tagged with appropriate content warnings (If I don't tag something you need tagged, let me know and I will happily tag it!)

- Who can participate:

Anyone wanting to learn about anything LGBT, including but not limited to:

Cisgender/heterosexual people who want to become better allies, Writers who want to learn how to be more inclusive, People questioning their gender/sexuality, literally anyone prepared to be respectful to anyone else participating

(I do want to note: this event is open to NSFW conversations. If you are uncomfortable with this, please filter the tag “adult conversations”.)

- Any question is okay to ask.

This is a space for everyone to learn, regardless of their prior knowledge. I will never get offended by a question. I will not be offended by the phrasing of a question. If I am not comfortable answering something, I will explain why, but I will not be annoyed. Part of learning is making mistakes, and I want to be courteous to that.

I am super open, so I will answer almost every question, regardless of how personal it is, with a few exceptions (see the “my boundaries” point.

Yes, this means you can ask questions that you’ve been previously told never to ask. I want to clarify though: I will make it clear when a question is inappropriate to ask in normal circumstances. Since I am telling you beforehand that it’s okay to ask personal or private questions, it is acceptable to do so in this context. However, I will always add a note explaining why you shouldn’t ask people this in other circumstances so that it’s still clear which questions I am making exceptions for.

- My boundaries

I’m not going to share identifying information. That includes: My legal name, where I live, where I work, photos of myself, etc.

I’m not going to share my deadname either, though I am willing to have conversations about deadnames themselves.

I’m not going to share what my plans for bottom surgery are. I am fine to talk about bottom surgery itself, I am fine to share where I’m at right now, and have next to no boundaries about top surgery. But I’m not going to share what my plans for whether or not I’m getting bottom surgery are.

I’ve worked as a receptionist and trans advocate for long enough that I take nothing personally. Because of this, I ask that if you need to get upset or aggressive about something related to this event, please come to me directly instead of attacking a participant. I’d rather you send me hate than sending it to someone who is trying to use this safe space as a learning opportunity. This includes if you’re frustrated with a participant. I’m happy to facilitate a healthy conversation about a disagreement, but I will not tolerate anyone attacking others.

- Hate will be blocked.

When you’re talking directly to me, I’m going to assume you’re well-intentioned. HOWEVER. If you’re directly attacking others who are involved in the conversation, you will be blocked. If you have a problem, please come to me and I will work to resolve it. Sending hate to people other than myself is in violation of the safe space.

- My intention is never to speak over anyone

I don’t know everything about every identity. As a white person, I experience white privilege. As someone who passes as male about 80% of the time, I experience male privilege. I am able-bodied. I try my very best to educate myself, but I am still learning (and always will be).

If I speak on an identity that is not my own, I will always add a note to clarify this. I will only be speaking from the stories shared with me by people who have that identity, and from the additional research I have done.

MY WORDS ARE NEVER THE ONLY TRUTH. I cannot say this enough. Don’t take my words over those of someone who uses a specific label. Even if I also use that label. Everyone experiences the world differently. My words are a STARTING POINT. Please be aware that other opinions and experiences exist. I will try my best to have resources paired with every conversation so you can further your learning, but please be aware that I cannot teach you everything.

If I don’t know the answer, I will do research as well as provide you with sources.

- No question will go unanswered

Yes, this includes questions that come across as “disrespectful”. I have said this already, but I will always assume good intentions unless it’s proven that you’re coming from a place of malice. If a question is phrased in a way that comes across as harmful in any way, I will still answer it AND explain why you should ask it differently in the future or not ask it at all going forward.

If I don’t respond within 2 hours, please message me again: I either didn’t receive it or I am still writing my response. I don’t want to miss anyone just because you think I’m ignoring you, I promise I’m not.

The ONLY time I won’t answer a question is if you’ve made it clear that you’re only here to attack the people using this safe space (I will have already asked you to leave).

- If something upsets you, don’t ignore it.

If you’re hurt by something I, or someone else said, please let me know. My intentions are never to hurt or upset anyone.

You can disagree with people, including me, as long as you’re polite about it.

If you need me to talk to someone for you, I’m happy to do so. If you want a private conversation with me, my DMs are open. If you want to stay anonymous but don’t want your questions posted, use this 🌙 emoji (or just say so), and I’ll make a post trying my best to answer your question without sharing the contents of the ask itself.

I don’t expect you to educate me as to why you’re upset by something: that’s not your responsibility, I can educate myself. I do appreciate anyone willing to talk about differing views or why something upset them, but that is not the purpose of the event and you are under no obligation to educate anyone else. I will do my research the moment someone says something bothered them.

- Please don’t weaponise my words.

Please don’t use anything said here as a way to attack people. This event is to educate people. I hope there’s nothing said here that can be manipulated to hurt people, but I didn’t want to leave this unsaid; the point of this isn’t to attack people who are uneducated, it’s to help educate them.

- Most importantly: Please come into this with a desire to learn

This event won’t be helpful if you’re determined to not learn anything. The purpose of this is to ask questions and learn something. I can’t decide for you that you want to learn. I can’t force you to learn. You have to be willing, or this may seem very pointless to you. I’m not trying to change opinions or beliefs, I’m just trying to spread a little education. If you’re unable to take my words and really think about them, this may not be the space for you, but that’s up to you to decide.

Any topic is okay!

This includes (but isn’t limited to):

- Writing LGBT characters (such as how to incorporate same-sex representation without fetishizing gay people, writing for gender-neutral or non-female readers, making content trans-friendly, etc.)

- What to do when someone you care about comes out

- Coming out

- Transition-related questions (HRT, surgery, binding/tucking, deadnames, etc.)

- Defining terms or labels you’re unfamiliar with

- Working out your feelings about something (such as something you saw in media and need to talk to someone about)

- Various laws (questions about laws may take up to 3 hours to answer, as I would have to research your particular area, depending on the question)

- Literally any other question you can think of that has to do with the LGBT community in any way, these are just some ideas off the top of my head to get y’all started.

TL;DR: This space is open to anyone, any topic, any question just please be open-minded and respectful!

(Just like my first post, I’m including tags for the Pedro fandom because I’ve seen a lot of issues within that community, but this is open to anyone that wants to participate, regardless of what interests you have.)

@phoenixhalliwell

[bookswithelli]

a darker shade of magic: review

synopsis:

Kell is one of the last Antari—magicians with a rare, coveted ability to travel between parallel Londons; Red, Grey, White, and, once upon a time, Black.

Kell was raised in Arnes—Red London—and officially serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, traveling between the frequent bloody regime changes in White London and the court of George III in the dullest of Londons, the one without any magic left to see.

Unofficially, Kell is a smuggler, servicing people willing to pay for even the smallest glimpses of a world they'll never see. It's a defiant hobby with dangerous consequences, which Kell is now seeing firsthand.

After an exchange goes awry, Kell escapes to Grey London and runs into Delilah Bard, a cut-purse with lofty aspirations. She first robs him, then saves him from a deadly enemy, and finally forces Kell to spirit her to another world for a proper adventure.

Now perilous magic is afoot, and treachery lurks at every turn. To save all of the worlds, they'll first need to stay alive.

review under the cut!

stars: ★★★★☆

First of all, although I rated this book 4 stars, there were some issues with it (mainly involving representation and characterization). I rated it 4 stars because I enjoyed reading it despite its issues, but I recognize that the mediocre representation may turn others away from this book.

characters & representation

Before I begin this section of the review, I would like to say that I am not visually impaired and therefore do not have any authority on that subject. My comments on the treatment of Lila's missing eye are merely based on my own observations and what I have heard from visually impaired people on the topic.

Lila:

A cross-dressing thief and aspiring pirate with a penchant for knives, Lila Bard brings to mind the likes of Inej Ghafa from Leigh Bardugo's Six of Crows and Elizabeth Swann from Pirates of the Caribbean. There were times when I really liked Lila; she can be sassy and morally questionable which is always interesting to see when well done. However, her character had a few issues that I wanted to address.

“Delilah Bard looked like a king. No...she looked like a conqueror.” pg. 289

When will fantasy authors stop romanticising conquerors and colonization?! This may be a smaller issue since aside from White London (which is villainized) there is no mention of it in the overarching plot, but this line just really bothered me. It makes me think that V.E. Schwab is a fan of adult and YA fantasy authors like Sarah J. Maas and others who write their main characters to be colonizers and romanticize it in the process. I don’t think this line was necessary at all, and I wish the second sentence had been removed or modified to something a little less problematic (e.g. she looked like a pirate/captain/etc.)

"How did you lose it...your eye?" -Master Tieren, pg. 327

It is revealed near the end of the book that Lila has been missing an eye for as long as she can remember, and she wears a glass eye as a replacement. This is all well and good, but the consequences of her impaired vision are never explored. The only reason the reader knows that Lila is missing an eye is because the author tells them. The narrative never discusses how Lila's lack of an eye affects her day to day life, and it's only brought into the story when it is needed for the plot.

It’s also worth mentioning that Lila is the only female character with a large role in this book, and no matter how “feminist” her character is, there’s not a lot of women in this book that are portrayed positively and with depth.

Rhy:

I actually really liked Rhy and I loved his relationship with Kell. I love sibling love in books and we so rarely get positive sibling relationships, so this was nice to see! It’s also really important to have queer people of color in books. However, I don’t think Rhy’s character is good bi/pan representation (I will refer to him as bi in this review for the sake of brevity, but it’s worth mentioning that neither term is mentioned so Rhy could canonically identify as either).

“He would flirt with a nicely upholstered chair, and he never takes anything seriously.” -Kell, pg. 254

As a queer girl who has identified as bisexual in the past and may in the future, this is bad bi rep 101. Schwab is perpetuating the stereotype of the “promiscuous bi”, or one who flirts and/or sleeps with everyone and everything. This is not a bad characteristic in itself, but it is harmful bi rep because that is the way every bi character is portrayed in media. It reinforces the idea that bisexual people in real life are all like this, and it also reinforces biphobes’ points of view when they say that bisexual people are more likely to cheat because they sleep with more people. This is pretty much the most common stereotype of a bisexual person, so while I doubt that Schwab intended to be harmful in her portrayal of Rhy, it shows that she did not do much research on LGBT+ rep when writing her characters. I do know that some bi people were not bothered by this; however, I believe that writers should stay away from stereotypes, especially when writing characters that are marginalized. Even though promiscuity is not an inherently bad trait, it is harmful when applied to bisexual people because it reinforces real peoples’ beliefs and affects real life bisexuals. This is especially important here because Rhy is the only narrative-confirmed LGBT+ character in the first book. It's not the worst representation I've seen, since Rhy does have a personality outside his flirtatiousness and promiscuity (in fact, it's confirmed that this is a coping mechanism for him) but it's certainly not the best, and I'm just tired of seeing bisexual people represented this way in fiction.

Kell:

I know a lot of people who didn’t like Kell very much, and that is understandable. However, I found him really compelling. It’s refreshing to see a male lead in this genre who’s not jacked and a brooding asshole whose only redeeming quality is his dick size. He’s definitely moody, but not to the point where he becomes an abusive alpha male type guy (yes, I am aware that this is a very low bar). I genuinely enjoyed his character because he’s flawed. He’s stubborn and moody but he’s incredibly caring and he genuinely wants to help people. He feels alienated from his family so he rebels and gets himself in trouble. His character is written well because he’s not perfect by any means, but he’s still likeable and you still root for him.

Holland:

Holland is what every YA love interest wishes they were. Honestly. He’s given no excuses for his actions, and yet he is still sympathetic. You understand that he is under the control of Astrid and Athos, but you also understand that all he has done for years is carry out their orders, and that changes a person. His story is heartbreaking, but that doesn’t change what he has done. He knows it, Kell knows it, Lila knows it, the reader knows it. Honestly, if he were in a YA fantasy romance, I bet Holland would be the love interest; his female “mate” would change him for the better, and he would never face the consequences of his actions. That makes his arc in this story all the more enjoyable. Holland is one of my favorite characters of all time, and not because he’s a perfect “book boyfriend” or whatever, but because his story and character are genuinely interesting and executed well.

worldbuilding

I loved the worldbuilding in this book. There was a bit of an info-dump in the beginning, but I’m willing to look past that because the world was so engaging and interesting that I forgot about the dense first chapter once I got past it. Each London has a distinct feel, and they are all almost tangible. The descriptions of each made me feel like I was in the Londons along with Kell and Lila. It seems like the system would be complicated, but Lila sums it up well:

“There’s Dull London, Kell London, Creepy London, and Dead London.” -pg. 198

After the initial info-dump, Schwab weaves information about the magic system seamlessly through the book, leaving enough mystery for the reader to wonder at what might happen in the next books, but never leaving out so much that the reader is confused. I really appreciated the rules that existed around magic. It’s draining, and Antari magic requires blood, which means there is a limit to how much you can perform at once. Magic is seen to affect the world beyond the characters and their main conflict, which I was very happy about as well. There are too many fantasy novels where the magic system has no rules and only exists to further the plot, but in this world you can see it everywhere. The politics of Red London and White London are affected by magic, even where it is not necessarily relevant to the plot. You can see small amounts of magic being performed in the streets of Red London: spells to protect from thieves, etc. Magic is normal for the people in Red London, and it is treated as such in the text.

pacing & plot

This book flew along. I’ve read it multiple times now, and every time, I can’t stop until I finish. And then I want to move along to the next book immediately. It manages to keep up a great pace and still build up to an exciting climax. Schwab’s lyrical writing is not flowery, but it draws the reader in and carries them along the story effortlessly. It’s very engaging and accessible language, which makes it a good stepping stone into adult fantasy (especially if you’re coming from YA).

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. The representation that it gets praised so highly for is disappointing, but aside from that I enjoyed most of the characters and the writing was beautiful. The plot and world were engaging and made me want to read the second book immediately (even though I’m on my 3rd or 4th reread). I would recommend this book for fans of YA fantasy who want to get into adult fantasy - this book is categorized as adult, but I found it a lot easier to read than other adult fantasies. For me, this book is a reminder that you can recognize the flaws in a book and still enjoy it, so remember to stay critical, even of your favorite books :)

[writeforsoreeyes]

BL LookBack - Only the Ring Finger Knows

Welcome to BL LookBack, where I’m rereading some of the oldest BL series still on my shelves to see how well they hold up for me today!

[image description: cover of Only the Ring Finger Knows; two teenage boys in school uniforms pose intimately with rings prominently displayed on their fingers]

story by Satoru Kannagi / art by Hotaru Odagiri originally serialized 2001 - 2002 (Takuma Shoten) English edition: 2004 (Digital Manga Publishing)

Only the Ring Finger Knows was a pioneer in the United States--one of the first BL published here and an early hit. I feel safe in saying that nearly everyone who had an interest in BL in the 2000s at least knew of it, if not read it. Many considered it the ideal “beginner’s BL.”

I recall liking it well enough back when I first read it ~10 years ago. I even remember the plot keenly thanks to its simplicity and unique elements. It felt odd (dare I say queer) to reread it now that I am closer to 30 than 20, out of the closet, and a lot better informed on problematic tropes. Still, I’m pleasantly surprised at how well it holds up all these years later (relatively speaking.)

Wataru is an ordinary teenager who, by chance, meets Kazuki, a popular upperclassman. Kazuki is the prince of their high school, with what seems like the entire female student body crushing on him. In fact, even girls at other schools adore Kazuki. He’s handsome, smart, athletic, rich, and-- above all else--known for his kindness.

Wataru, therefore, is shocked when Kazuki treats him rudely during their first encounter. He continues to be a jerk to Wataru during future meetings. Why does he treat me differently? Wataru wonders. As time goes by, his thoughts become more and more preoccupied with Kazuki.

[image description: Kazuki yanks a handkerchief from Wataru’s grip and tells him, “Wash your face at home.”]

I’m sure you can all tell where this is going. It’s an old plot, made popular for centuries by works like Pride and Prejudice. What distinguishes Only the Ring Finger Knows from similar stories is its one quirky plot element: the rings.

At Wataru and Kazuki’s school, rings are popular. Two friends might wear matching rings on their right ring fingers to show off their bond. A student can signal that they are single by wearing a ring on their middle finger. And, most importantly, couples wear matching rings on their left ring fingers.

Wataru isn’t keen on the trend, but he does have a ring that he wear on his middle finger due to his personal attachment to it. And (gasp!) Kazuki happens to have a ring that is the exact same design.

You can probably guess where this is going as well.

[image description: Kazuki says that he had to get his ring back from Wataru because “it’s creepy being paired up with a guy.” After a moment, Wataru says, “Same here!”]

The plot is beat-by-beat predictable, which isn’t necessarily a detriment within the romance genre. What the story does notably well is the character writing. 

Wataru is relatable for readers: aware that he doesn’t stand out and righteously upset at being treated poorly for no reason. He stands up for himself, pushing back against Kazuki’s bad behavior verbally and-- when necessary-- physically. He’s kind to his sister, doing her the favor of delivering a friend’s present to Kazuki even though he’s loathe to talk to Kazuki more. Perhaps most importantly, he’s honest to himself about his feelings, even as they confuse him.

[image description: Wataru presents Kazuki with a large, wrapped gift. Kazuki is taken aback and Wataru notes that Kazuki’s surprise seems genuine even though Wataru thinks Kazuki must get gifts frequently.]

Kazuki, meanwhile, is compelling for readers primarily because they suspect what his true feelings are and wait on bated breath for those feelings to be revealed. It’s always satisfying when a proud character admits something that they view as a vulnerability. However, 

Kazuki as a character ages poorly for me. The “he teases you because he likes you” mindset persists even today, but it’s becoming less tolerable for modern readers and may turn some off this story. 

In addition, Kazuki leans dangerously into the “bully but secretly gay” trope. It doesn’t feel quite accurate to call Kazuki a bully-- he doesn’t purposefully seek Wataru out to harass him or humiliate him in front of peers. But he does nettle Wataru during every interaction. Whenever Kazuki feels the conversation is becoming too intimate or he has exposed too much of himself, he sabotages the conversation by pissing Wataru off.

[image description: Kazuki leans forward so that Wataru is backed into a wall. Wataru looks irritated. With just inches between their faces, Kazuki says, “Thanks for the special delivery.”]

I’ve no doubt that these traits would make him an unacceptable love interest for many readers. However, some people enjoy such characters and Kazuki never does anything to Wataru that absolutely crosses the line into irredeemable. (Your mileage may vary.) 

Furthermore, when Kazuki finally confesses his feelings to Wataru and admits that he had no hope of Wataru ever liking him back, it’s instinctive to respond to that kind of vulnerability. Who among us has never feared that they valued a relationship far more than the object of their affections, whether it be a lover, a crush, a friend, or a family member?

[image description: Wataru tells Kazuki that he threw his ring away. Kazuki is shocked.]

The other element of the story that doesn’t age well is its attitude towards homosexuality. While Only the Ring Finger Knows is not as egregious in this respect as some other BL, it’s still tiring to read things like “It’s creepy being paired up with a guy,” and “You sure you aren’t ‘funny,’ that way?” 

Also, the characters exhibit a prevailing belief that being gay is something a person chooses. Even as Wataru accepts his own unexpected feelings for Kazuki, he thinks to himself, “Someone as popular as Kazuki has no reason to turn to another man for a partner.” (Despite the fact that he himself didn’t “turn” to Kazuki and fell for him quite naturally.) Likewise, Kazuki’s cousin makes a comment to Wataru’s sister that she’s surprised Kazuki didn’t “choose” to fall in love with her instead of Wataru, since Wataru and his sister look so much alike.

In addition, the most chaste displays of romantic affection between two men are treated as borderline obscene. In an epilogue, Wataru and Kazuki kiss briefly in front of Kazuki’s young niece. It’s meant to be a humorous and somewhat shocking moment, captioned with “in front of a child.” There’s nothing scandalous about the moment though, so the “humor” falls flat and ultimately it comes off as prudish at best and homophobic at worst.

As typical of BL from this era, there’s zero discussion of the troubles queer people face in a conservative society. The few people who find out about Wataru and Kazuki’s feelings are supportive. Neither Wataru nor Kazuki seem to think that they might be ostracized at school when people realize they are dating-- they mention that rumors may occur, but nothing nefarious. Indeed, the word “gay” never comes up in the story, nor does any related terminology.

[image description: Kazuki confesses that he found it hard to speak with Wataru because he was struggling with his feelings, adding “I never imagined that I’d find myself in love with a younger... man.”]

Many BL (old and new) have an issue of treating their female characters poorly. While none of the actual female characters in Only the Ring Finger Knows receive bad treatment, it’s troublesome how the manga paints basically every female student as being obsessed with Kazuki. And I do mean obsessed-- a mob of girls show up at Kazuki’s house on his birthday uninvited and end up rioting.

Despite these grievances, I did enjoy my reread of the manga. It’s a classic tale told well, with each scene showing how Wataru and Kazuki circle around each other, slowly drawing closer. The emotional payoff when they get together is satisfying, even if I can’t help but begrudge Kazuki his happiness somewhat.

*final verdict: still recommended with mild disclaimers*

[rachelillustrates]

A stream-of-counciousness-ish, overanalytical observation of Karolina Dean/Julie Power, from the perspective of a Xavin fangirl.

Follow up to two other overanalytical posts about Karolina and Xavin, which I highly recommend reading first.

First post here

Second post here.

(And a third mini-commentary here.)

Spoilers for the recent “Runaways” series abound, of course. 

As they established/discussed in “Avengers Academy” 27, Karolina and Julie DID feel an attraction to each other from their first encounter – waaaaaaaaaaay back in the early Runaways stuff, before Xavin even showed up. Regardless of team affiliations.

But in terms of this re-introduction to each other - it is a note of betrayal that Julie still fights back even when her team is trying to break up Karolina’s FAMILY. Yes, all sides stop fighting once they start actually talking it over, but Julie is NOT the one to initiate that. She assumes her leaders know what’s best first, and tries to understand second.

As for the “Understand” spell Nico casts in issue 28 – I am assuming that there’s a reason they show certain individuals sharing certain memories with specific other individuals. Like how Nico sees Tigra losing a love she was “supposed to have a whole life with” (doesn’t THAT open up a can of worms, wow), and Chase seeing two lovers who choose not to be together due to future memories (extra poignant considering what’s going on with him and Gert in recent issues).

And dammit, Karolina and Julie seeing what they see of each other – especially Julie seeing the breakdown Karolina had with Nico, which I wrote about in the second aforementioned post.

The fact that she sees THAT is important (and again, better writing than I expected - I am such an angry Xavin fangirl). So even though Karolina said she was only “sorta” engaged *ahem. Still bullshit* Julie herself must SEE the seriousness of that Love and the loss in Karolina’s heart.

Karolina saying “Oh my god, you are so awesome” to Julie right after the spell is also pretty telling – she saw a vision of Julie’s supportiveness to another queer comrade, a supportiveness and solidarity she herself has never experienced. Nobody else on her team has professed themselves to be anything like her, in that sense, so she’s never had that kind of support from anyone, nor been able to GIVE that kind of support. So she probably sees in Julie a validation of her own identity, and feeling of not-being-alone that must feel amazing in the face of her new loneliness.

It still bothers me that Kar speaks so flippantly about her relationship with Xavin. Maybe that’s a defense mechanism, whatever. But the knowledge Julie gains from this spell is indeed important - and what she says right after really shows that she understands the pain Karolina’s been through, and I HOPE means that she will be a solid, reassuring force in Karolina’s life. The fact that she is super gentle about asking Karolina out later in the issue is also heartening.

….I may not approve, but I do understand the emotional trauma Kar must feel, and I do want her to feel safe.

What we see of them together in issue 39 is reassuring, too, in terms of that sense of safety – it’s only a moment, of course, but they appear happy together.

When we see Karolina in college at the beginning of the new “Runaways” series (issue 3), they still seem pretty solid – in her inner-monologue-narration….thing, she describes Julie as “the kindest, most beautiful, BEST girlfriend.”

And she, herself, is trying very hard to move on from EVERYTHING – not just Xavin, but her entire old life and the family she built with the other Runaways. Everything she says in that monologue thing about her therapist’s advice, about her right to be happy, is beautiful and valid.

Buuuuuuut.

Wtf?

Is this the same Karolina that always fought so hard to keep everyone together, really?

(I DO love the fact that Gert calls her out on that, btw. “…my Karolina would never leave Molly behind!” TRUE.)

It does seem like the pain of everything – what her parents did, what happened to her people as a result, everything what happened during her time with her new family (not even just the Xavin stuff, they have all seen some weirdness) – MUST have hit her even deeper than she let on in the previous series…es. We just didn’t get to see that, as readers. Even the cover of the issue seems to imply that, with all those different hands reaching out as if to grab her (and sadly I can’t tell if Xavin is one of those hands - if anyone caught that, please let me know!).

Or maybe she herself didn’t even see it until that family broke up, and she was on her own, for real. 

Which means Julie is probably an even more stabilizing force in her life, being a constant source of love and support that is OUTSIDE of all that pain.

And I imagine that’s going to be very hard for Karolina to face, or leave – I mean, if (WHEN!!!) Xavin returns. It’s hard enough that she’s chosen to return to her family at all. They show her breaking down intensely about it in that same issue, when everyone shows up at her door and she tries to NOT go with them: First, she absolutely trashes the memory of what they all had together – “We weren’t anything real. We were just….together. We were just a bunch of scared kids who didn’t have anyone else.”

Absolute bullshit, btw, and I do not for a second think she really believes that – again, defense mechanism, probably – but OUCH.

All that therapy, all that self-autonomy and college and whatever, seems to actually be making her into a WORSE person. She seems to have been on a HUGE downward slide in that manner since Xavin left. But I digress.

And then she has a real, pillow-hugging darkness-crying breakdown when Nico leaves the room after calling her on THAT bullshit. And that mantra…. “I am a good person. I am my own person. My parents’ decisions don’t define me. I forgive myself for the mistakes I made when I was too young to know any better. I am allowed to be happy.”

I wonder how often she has to say that to herself. And I think that the difference is – when she’s with the Runaways (her FAMILY, goddammit), she is actively DOING something to address that guilt and pain inside of her. Instead of just trying to “move on” and “be happy.”

I know from personal experience that in order to be happy, you have to FACE that guilt inside yourself. Own it. And I don’t think this Karolina is doing that AT ALL.

That is, until we see her again in issue 5. She seeks out Nico on her own (with Julie’s help – more on that later), and seems resigned to being back with them. But when Nico tells her that their reunion has fallen apart, she DOES seem genuinely disappointed (and at the end of issue 6, she does say “let’s go home,” so she does seem to move from resigned to happily-accepting pretty well).

As for Julie, when Nico tries to kiss Karolina, she adamantly (as in freak-out-ishly) defends herself, almost shouting that she “has a girlfriend.” I mentioned before that that specific defense bothers me – after all, Kar “has a fiancée” still for all she freakin’ knows – but the word choice is interesting, too. She declares her relationship status, not that she doesn’t want Nico, but that she’s already taken by someone else.

(Though to be fair, it seems like Karolina is ALWAYS going to want Nico. First love and all.)

In my mind, that reinforces the space that Julie must fill for Karolina – a stable, safe space. Somewhere to belong after all the drama and trauma she’s been through with other people. God, the fact that she seems to need – and WANT – that, a shining safe happy rainbow place with no issues, makes me worry that she’s too bright and innocent for Xavin, even after all they’ve been through together. Noooooo bad thoughts.

I know this whole investigation is coming off very Karolina-negative. And I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. Even in this reread it looks like she’s been spiraling since Xavin left – and while I WANT to believe that’s a sign of how important Xavin was to her, it just reads awful (not in bad writing, I mean I’m just sad for her, and I question a lot about her with what she’s chosen to do in their time apart).

And I probably shouldn’t blame her for wanting that. We all deserve to be safe and happy. I just feel like she’s not really facing her demons and she can be- and HAS been – SO MUCH BETTER and so much MORE.

In terms of Karolina-positivity, though, she does kick ass in the fight against Molly’s grandma, and stays true to the beliefs we do know and love about her – Molly tells them not to hurt her grandma, then the cats, then her ‘mom,’ and Karolina sticks loyally to that demand (until the threat is too much, of course). THAT’S the Karolina I know and love.

Back to her connection to Julie – as I pointed out before, she does call on Julie for help, first to find Nico, then she suggests calling her when they need to contact the Avengers about Molly’s grandma. She clearly relies on her a lot, and it seems like it’s a solid situation for her. She knows she can rely on this person, and that must have been proven again and again in ways we haven’t even seen.

That shows really clearly, too, from the way Julie reacts when she can’t get a hold of Karolina in issue 7. When she doesn’t hear from her for a whole day, Julie freaks, and calls out the point that she’s allowed to freak – considering Karolina’s history and the danger she could be in at any second. I do actually find that admirable. At this point, it does seem like Karolina wants someone who will be that overprotective.

But I think if she really wants to grow, she needs someone who can and will respect that she can handle herself.

And I STILL believe Xavin is that person. They have been, for her, in the past – yes, a little overprotective in moments, but VERY aware of her own power and capabilities (I’m thinking specifically of the moment in “Dead End Kids,” in 1907, when she goes out exploring on her own and Xavin just says “Have fun. And then stop having fun and come back.”). An maybe Julie will grow into that, I don’t know, but I want my space lesbians to reunite thankyouverymuch so I AM going to be rooting for their reunion and reconciliation no matter what.

No matter how frustrated I am with Karolina’s behavior, even.

As for issue 7, again, we do get to see Karolina making a compromise with herself. She’s there, and showing up for her family, but she hasn’t given up her desires in terms of still going to school and still being with Julie. The fact that she’s skipped some classes, and will have to skip more to pick up Julie, doesn’t exactly bode well.... but for now, it seems like its working. And she does talk to Nico about HOW back she is – when Nico turns down her offer of money (also, DAMN, about her being so financially set), saying “we have to figure out how to do this on our own eventually,” Karolina immediately says “I’m part of ‘we.’ I’m part of ‘our own.’” I know I complained a lot about her fractured loyalty in her first appearance here, but I am truly glad that her need to be with her family again, REALLY be there, seems to be resolved. Even if it sounds like she still plans on living on campus, not at the Hostel.

It really does seem like a lot for her to have to figure out, and so suddenly :/

And as for that phone call, again, it is nice to see that Julie is so supportive of the fact that her family is back and THAT implies that the off-screen conversations they’ve had about it show that Kar is much more on board than it seemed at first, when her past literally came back to haunt her.

So I guess in closing, I am glad that Karolina has support and love. I am.

But I still think Xavin is better for her, especially if they’ve done the growing I hope they’ve done (as I talked about in my last post). 

If you just jump back into the new series without rereading the old runs, it seems like nothing happened with Xavin at all – all that’s been swept under the rug, and only mentioned in passing if you lump them and their love in with the comments that the monologue-thing includes about Karolina’s people and her parents’ actions. That’s not fair, and that’s not enough. I want closure, at least.

I’m worried they won’t give it to us. I guess we’ll see, with how they very Julie/Karolina-focused next issue goes. 

And I’m sure I’ll have words about that, too.

[storyswept]

Jon Snow and Dragons (Part I: Of the Existence of Dragons and Their Dangers)

Introductory Note

This analysis is based on book quotes mentioning dragons, taken mostly from Jon's chapters. Other POV chapters were only quoted if they were conversing with Jon and dragons came up, or if relevant to the current discussion. I bolded the parts I found interesting.

Warning: spoilers for all published books, mention of a very popular theory on Jon's parentage. Plus, I have watched the show, so I'm sure it must be coloring my opinions.

Part I: Of the Existence of Dragons and Their Dangers

Of the Existence of Dragons

[Jon] had the Stark face if not the name: long, solemn, guarded, a face that gave nothing away. Whoever his mother had been, she had left little of herself in her son. "What are you reading about?" he asked.

"Dragons," Tyrion told him.

"What good is that? There are no more dragons," the boy said with the easy certainty of youth.

"So they say," Tyrion replied. "Sad, isn't it? When I was your age, I used to dream of having a dragon of my own." (AGOT, Tyrion II)

At the start of the series, Jon Snow tells us: "there are no more dragons", just moments after Tyrion was reflecting on his parentage. How ironic. Since Jon has no reason to question his beliefs, the next volumes find him issuing similar opinions on the subject:

"I have never seen a dragon."

"No one has. The last dragons died a hundred years ago or more. But this was before that." (Ygritte & Jon, ASOS, Jon V)

We should have twenty trebuchets, not two, and they should be mounted on sledges and turntables so we could move them. It was a futile thought. He might as well wish for another thousand men, and maybe a dragon or three. (ASOS, Jon VIII)

And finally:

"Pyp should learn to hold his tongue. I have heard the same from others. King's blood, to wake a dragon. Where Melisandre thinks to find a sleeping dragon, no one is quite sure. It's nonsense. Mance's blood is no more royal than mine own. He has never worn a crown nor sat a throne. He's a brigand, nothing more. There's no power in brigand's blood." (Jon, AFFC, Samwell I)

"He is not dead. Stannis is the Lord's chosen, destined to lead the fight against the dark. I have seen it in the flames, read of it in ancient prophecy. When the red star bleeds and the darkness gathers, Azor Ahai shall be born again amidst smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone. Dragonstone is the place of smoke and salt."

Jon had heard all this before. "Stannis Baratheon was the Lord of Dragonstone, but he was not born there. He was born at Storm's End, like his brothers." (ADWD, Jon X)

I'm sure Jon isn't the only person to find this notion nonsensical. Far from it in fact. But we readers know all about the return of the dragons in the East, which did involve blood magic. Also, if R+L=J is true, then Jon has indeed royal blood… another way to point out that Jon Snow knows nothing (compared to us) and that dragons can indeed be woken.

In "A Dance with Dragons",  Jon hears from Tycho Nestoris of "troubling reports":

The narrow sea is perilous this time of year, and of late there have been troubling reports of strange ships seen amongst the Stepstones."

"Salladhor Saan?"

"The Lysene pirate? Some say he has returned to his old haunts, this is so. And Lord Redwyne's war fleet creeps through the Broken Arm as well. On its way home, no doubt. But these men and their ships are well-known to us. No, these other sails … from farther east, perhaps … one hears queer talk of dragons."

"Would that we had one here. A dragon might warm things up a bit."

"My lord jests. You will forgive me if I do not laugh. We Braavosi are descended from those who fled Valyria and the wroth of its dragonlords. We do not jape of dragons."

No, I suppose not. "My apologies, Lord Tycho." (ADWD, Jon IX)

He doesn't take the assertion very seriously, as you can tell. And who can blame him? (well, aside from people who don’t think dragon jokes are funny). It's rumors… for now.

However, considering Aegon and the Golden Company's arrival in Westeros and Sam finding out the truth in Braavos, I think we can safely say Jon's beliefs on dragons will find themselves challenged in the future, if he survives his stabbing that is.

It's not unlikely Jon will want the dragons on their side in the fight against the Others. Why?

Remember his throwaway comments in the quotes above :

"He might as well wish for another thousand men, and maybe a dragon or three" (ASOS, Jon VIII)

"Would that we had one here. A dragon might warm things up a bit." (ADWD, Jon IX)

Add to this Maester Aemon's belief, that Daenerys was their hope (because of dragons):

"No one ever looked for a girl," he said. "It was a prince that was promised, not a princess. Rhaegar, I thought . . . the smoke was from the fire that devoured Summerhall on the day of his birth, the salt from the tears shed for those who died. He shared my belief when he was young, but later he became persuaded that it was his own son who fulfilled the prophecy, for a comet had been seen above King's Landing on the night Aegon was conceived, and Rhaegar was certain the bleeding star had to be a comet. What fools we were, who thought ourselves so wise! The error crept in from the translation. Dragons are neither male nor female, Barth saw the truth of that, but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame. The language misled us all for a thousand years. Daenerys is the one, born amidst salt and smoke. The dragons prove it." Just talking of her seemed to make him stronger. "I must go to her. I must. Would that I was even ten years younger."

 (...)

"No," the old man said. "It must be you. Tell them. The prophecy . . . my brother's dream . . . Lady Melisandre has misread the signs. Stannis . . . Stannis has some of the dragon blood in him, yes. His brothers did as well. Rhaelle, Egg's little girl, she was how they came by it . . . their father's mother . . . she used to call me Uncle Maester when she was a little girl. I remembered that, so I allowed myself to hope . . . perhaps I wanted to . . . we all deceive ourselves, when we want to believe. Melisandre most of all, I think. The sword is wrong, she has to know that . . . light without heat . . . an empty glamor . . . the sword is wrong, and the false light can only lead us deeper into darkness, Sam. Daenerys is our hope. Tell them that, at the Citadel. Make them listen. They must send her a maester. Daenerys must be counseled, taught, protected. For all these years I've lingered, waiting, watching, and now that the day has dawned I am too old. I am dying, Sam." Tears ran from his blind white eyes at that admission. (AFFC, Samwell IV)

Unless Sam never gets around to telling him, I don't think Jon would dismiss one of his mentors' opinion so easily.

But is relying on dragons really the safest way to defeat the Others? As Aemon just told us, "we all deceive ourselves, when we want to believe".

Of Dragons and Their Dangers

In fact, Jon is exposed to plenty of evidence that speaks of the dragons being dangerous.

Exhibit A: the rest of Jon and Tyrion's conversation about dragons.

"(…) When I was your age, I used to dream of having a dragon of my own."

"You did?" the boy said suspiciously. Perhaps he thought Tyrion was making fun of him.

"Oh, yes. Even a stunted, twisted, ugly little boy can look down over the world when he's seated on a dragon's back." Tyrion pushed the bearskin aside and climbed to his feet. "I used to start fires in the bowels of Casterly Rock and stare at the flames for hours, pretending they were dragonfire. Sometimes I'd imagine my father burning. At other times, my sister."

Jon Snow was staring at him, a look equal parts horror and fascination. Tyrion guffawed. "Don't look at me that way, bastard. I know your secret. You've dreamt the same kind of dreams."

"No," Jon Snow said, horrified. "I wouldn't …" (AGOT, Tyrion II)

Jon is understandably horrified at what Tyrion is insinuating.

What we can conclude: Dragons can be used to burn people (not a mind-blowing conclusion, I realise). Even your family if that your thing…

Exhibit B:

"Ashes and cinders."

"Kings and dragons."

Dragons again. For a moment Jon could almost see them too, coiling in the night, their dark wings outlined against a sea of flame.

"If she knew, she would have taken the boy away from us. Dalla's boy, not your monster. A word in the king's ear would have been the end of it." And of me. Stannis would have taken it for treason. "Why let it happen if she knew?"

"Because it suited her. Fire is a fickle thing. No one knows which way a flame will go." Val put a foot into a stirrup, swung her leg over her horse's back, and looked down from the saddle. "Do you remember what my sister told you?" (ADWD, Jon VIII)

What Dalla told him:

Jon faced him. "If you've had the Horn of Joramun all along, why haven't you used it? Why bother building turtles and sending Thenns to kill us in our beds? If this horn is all the songs say, why not just sound it and be done?"

It was Dalla who answered him, Dalla great with child, lying on her pile of furs beside the brazier. "We free folk know things you kneelers have forgotten. Sometimes the short road is not the safest, Jon Snow. The Horned Lord once said that sorcery is a sword without a hilt. There is no safe way to grasp it." (ASOS, Jon X)

Melisandre gives a counter-argument to this:

He turned back to the red priestess. Jon could feel her warmth. She has power. The thought came unbidden, seizing him with iron teeth, but this was not a woman he cared to be indebted to, not even for his little sister. "Dalla told me something once. Val's sister, Mance Rayder's wife. She said that sorcery was a sword without a hilt. There is no safe way to grasp it."

"A wise woman." Melisandre rose, her red robes stirring in the wind. "A sword without a hilt is still a sword, though, and a sword is a fine thing to have when foes are all about. (ADWD, Jon VI)

What we can conclude:

Dragons are associated with kings, ashes and cinders.

Fire is a fickle thing, and so is sorcery. Dragons are no different. As Maester Aemon said: "Dragons are neither male nor female, Barth saw the truth of that, but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame." (AFFC, Samwell IV)

Sometimes the short road is not the safest: Dragons might destroy a lot of the dead, but also a lot of the living as well.

A treacherous weapon is better than no weapon if you have foes. There's risk of personal injury however.

Exhibit C:

"My lord jests. You will forgive me if I do not laugh. We Braavosi are descended from those who fled Valyria and the wroth of its dragonlords. We do not jape of dragons."

No, I suppose not. "My apologies, Lord Tycho." (ADWD, Jon IX)

What we can conclude: Angering dragons or dragonlords has consequences.

Exhibit D:

Burning dead children had ceased to trouble Jon Snow; live ones were another matter. Two kings to wake the dragon. The father first and then the son, so both die kings. The words had been murmured by one of the queen's men as Maester Aemon had cleaned his wounds. Jon had tried to dismiss them as his fever talking. Aemon had demurred. "There is power in a king's blood," the old maester had warned, "and better men than Stannis have done worse things than this." The king can be harsh and unforgiving, aye, but a babe still on the breast? Only a monster would give a living child to the flames. (ADWD, Jon I)

"Refuse, and the boy will burn. Not on the morrow, nor the day after … but soon, whenever Melisandre needs to wake a dragon or raise a wind or work some other spell requiring king's blood. Mance will be ash and bone by then, so she will claim his son for the fire, and Stannis will not deny her. If you do not take the boy away, she will burn him." (ADWD, Jon II)

"Pyp should learn to hold his tongue. I have heard the same from others. King's blood, to wake a dragon." (AFFC, Samwell I)

"I looked at that book Maester Aemon left me. The Jade Compendium. The pages that told of Azor Ahai. Lightbringer was his sword. Tempered with his wife's blood if Votar can be believed. Thereafter Lightbringer was never cold to the touch, but warm as Nissa Nissa had been warm. In battle the blade burned fiery hot. Once Azor Ahai fought a monster. When he thrust the sword through the belly of the beast, its blood began to boil. Smoke and steam poured from its mouth, its eyes melted and dribbled down its cheeks, and its body burst into flame."

What we can conclude:

Lightbringer seems to have an effect similar to dragons.

The price for dragons is high.

Conclusion

Currently, Jon Snow believes dragons to be extinct. If he survives and finds out about their return, textual evidence suggests he might be interested in them as a potential weapon against the Others. However, Jon's chapters seem to contain warnings about their use. Which asks the question: will he heed them?

Link to Part II: Of Dragons and Gold

[gapimnydiaries]

Diary Entry #13

Dear Diary,

The Gaysian Diaries was created exactly one year ago when I opened up about my childhood in Diary Entry #1. I wrote the entry at 4am in one sitting one night and cried the entire time. I always knew what I lived through, but when I wrote my own story on paper, I gained an additional perspective on myself that allowed me to truly understand why I am the way I am and how I can grow to become the person I want to be.

I was never a fan of the spotlight, so I was apprehensive about publishing something so intimate about myself. At the same time, I was passionate about launching The Gaysian Diaries, and I would not allow fear to hold me back.

Immediately after I published the entry, I was overwhelmed by the amount of support I received from childhood friends, GAPIMNY members, and even people who had not met me before. Since then, I have taken the lead in coordinating The Gaysian Diaries and have met the greatest people in the process.

It has been an amazing year for The Gaysian Diaries. Each entry has not only touched me emotionally but has also shaped me and my outlook on life.

I lived most of my life feeling alone and isolated. I spent most of my life battling anxiety and depression. But reading the stories of bravery and strength from other contributors on The Gaysian Diaries made me realize that I am not alone and overcoming obstacles in life will ultimately help me become a better, stronger person.

Over the past year, these stories have transformed my belief system. Below are a list of principles that summarize my current belief system:

I do not believe in changing people, but I believe that people can change.

I believe that sadness is not a personality trait. It is not something that makes you unique.

I do not believe in “broken” people.

I believe in looking past people’s appearance and reputation.

I believe perception is not reality.

I believe in seeing past how people make you feel.

I believe people’s character cannot be fully judged based on their religion, political party, or world views.

I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt, and giving people chances.

I believe in seeing the good potential in people.

I believe in not caring about what people think about you but still striving to be the light in their lives.

I believe in being open and sharing as much about yourself as possible.

I believe that society is ridiculous, and to not take life too seriously.

I believe in doing good for as many people as you can, as often as you can.

I believe in letting go of the negative past.

I believe your past does not define you.

I believe that life is not always easy.

I believe that life is short.

I believe in patience, and not rushing through life.

I believe we are each just a spec in the context of the universe.

I believe that one person can change the world.

I believe there is a fine line between selfishness and good intentions.

I believe in thinking long term and not sweating the small stuff.

I do not believe in perfection.

I believe that humankind is stronger when we stick together as a whole.

I do not believe division is good or can ever be good.

I believe we are more alike than we are different.

I believe in being generous, in time and in love.

I believe you hurt yourself when you hurt other people.

I believe your career alone cannot make you happy.

I believe in balance.

I believe in making mistakes.

I believe in being authentic.

I believe in dreaming while you’re awake.

I believe in living life.

I believe a ‘no’ now is a better ‘yes’ later.

I believe in prioritizing your health over everything.

I believe in being open about sex.

I believe that worrying is the equivalent of self-sabotage.

I believe in enjoying the company of the people around you.

I believe every individual is worth getting to know.

I believe if you give the world your best, you will receive the best.

My belief system has influenced the way I think and feel at all times. The way we think and feel is shaped by what we see, what we hear, and what we read through the stories told to us in mainstream media, online content, and our personal conversations. Through the stories we tell, we are shaping the world and creating the future.

I am proud to be a member of GAPIMNY, an organization that is shaping the world and creating the future. I owe a lot of what I have today to GAPIMNY, through the community it has built and the safe spaces it has provided. Having recently joined the GAPIMNY Steering Committee as Social Media Chair, I plan to continue doing my part in Uplifting Our Communities.

The Gaysian Diaries would not be possible without the platform that GAPIMNY has provided through its extensive mailing list, social media following, and internal support. A special thanks to the current and past GAPIMNY Steering Committees for seeing the value of The Gaysian Diaries and continuing to support the project.

I want to thank all of the contributors once again for sharing your most personal stories. It takes time, bravery, and courage to write an entry, and this project would not have thrived without you.

A big thanks to all of the readers, who continue to support The Gaysian Diaries by reading each entry. Without you, we would have no reason to continue the project.

The Gaysian Diaries will continue to be a platform for queer Asian Pacific Islander men and transgender people. We are always looking for contributors of various backgrounds, ages, and experiences to share their stories. If you are interested in contributing or have any questions about the project, please contact us at hello@gapimny.org. Here’s to another year of powerful storytelling.

A quick update on me: I consider myself to be in a happy place in my life, but even the happiest people have tough moments. I count my blessings each day and try to surround myself with people and things that make me happy.

I’m thankful that I no longer blame my past for any negativity in my life. I have my whole life to become the person I want to be.

I’m optimistic about the future, and I believe that the best is yet to come. There are many ways you can help shape the future of our world. I hope that you find your own ways of shaping the future and together we become more empowered to create positive change.

Charles Lin