#but I need my adhd to work with me first
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starcatchingsnake · 2 months ago
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…thinking about the impact being shown someone else’s life and death, dying yourself, being violently brought back to life, and then inheriting that person’s aura and powers would have on a person.
Specifically Aira Shiratori, how would witnessing someone destroy their whole being for their child, only for it to amount to nothing, change a person, how would the trauma that she experienced continue to live on through Aira?
Would she begin to hate the smell of Seiko’s cigarettes because the heavy cloud of smoke makes her forearms itch, and her eye burn with phantom pains? Would the ash invade her lungs and would a child’s scream pierce her ears?
As she breathes in the scent would she even realize why her body has tensed, as in preparation for a battle? Or why her heart rate has skyrocketed, why she’s now clutching at her chest, eyes darting around frantically for the source of her unease?
Is that part of why she’s distanced herself from the Ayase household? Why she holds Momo at an arms length when she’s grown closer to the rest of their friends? Is the smell of burning which clings to Momo’s clothing why Aira remains reluctant to grow close? Because no matter how hard she tries, that pain and indescribable panic always surfaces whenever Momo’s near?
How long would it take before all of these new sensations and constant anxiety over the simplest of things broke her? How long until she’s begging to be let go of all of this?
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deoidesign · 8 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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say-hi-intrepid-heroes · 2 months ago
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anonymolly · 23 days ago
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#one of my silly little goals this year is to talk more about my accomplishments even though they aren’t super recent#I’m tired of resigning myself to being a burnt out former gifted kid. I studied at Oxford for a term.#I taught a college class. I TA’d for two other college classes. and volunteer TA’d for the department’s hardest course offering#because I was already being used as a TA that semester for a different class and the professor still wanted someone to run review sessions#I had professors fighting over me to do work and research for them! I had departments fighting over me! I did summer research!#I was the first person in my department in nearly a decade to ask to do a senior thesis. for fun.#I ran programs and clubs and I was a writing tutor for the writing center AND the resume lab/career center#I was the only person in my writing professor’s tenure to earn a 100 on my research paper for that stupid fucking class#in high school I was second in my class and did it while writing one-act plays for production and doing district choirs and acting#I’m so so so tired of beating myself up and falling to my knees and doing penance for the past 4 years.#I fumbled some stuff at the start of my 20’s. I’m an adult with ADHD that no one clocked while I was growing up.#I was supposed to go to St Andrews for an MLitt and then the pandemic happened and I had to withdraw.#I just need to get over it and stop agonizing over every misstep I’ve made since college#otherwise I’m never going to make it out of my 20’s alive#so yeah. for those of you who don’t know! I am a silly cumdrunk braindead good girl PART-TIME#the rest of the time I’m clawing my way back to the high standards I set for myself from first grade onward#my stuff#ignore me i’m rambling
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lolly-dolli · 10 months ago
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Here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna go down to your local Aldi's, buy a 24oz bag of frozen mango chunks, a bag of rice, and two cans of black beans.
If you don't already have them; salt, lime or lemon juice and cumin; maybe some meal prep tupperware. Pouch tuna if you like that stuff.
Once home, put that bag of mango chunks in a bowl full of warm water so they defrost. Don't pen it. The bag needs to stay closed. This'll make sense later.
Prepare enough water in a pot to cook two cups of that rice. Make sure the pot's big. Big enough to hold way more rice than you expect there to be. Add a teaspoon of cumin, two tablespoons lime or lemon juice, salt according to preference. Pat of butter.
Boil. Make sure the butler's melted. Stir to combine.
Add your rice. Cook according to rice bag.
If you have a protein, you can cook that now. 20-30 minutes at your disposal. If not, that's why we got the second can of beans for.
I recommend Aldi's tuna steaks - quick to defrost, 5 bucks for 2-3. Lean protein. Real nice. Creme de la crumb's tuna marinade also works real nice if you have the energy.
A pouch of tuna's just as good functionally.
Less mercury that way.
You can mix it in that if you want, too.
Strain your beans. Conserve a little bean water for the rice if you want.
Your rice is done.
Add your beans. Twice as many if you're feeling like it'll be a bad week. Two or three pouch tunas too if you want a little extra.
If you have the lemon pepper kind you can probably nix the citrus juice.
Now we go back to your mango. If all's worked correctly, the warm water should've thawed them somewhat, the heat warming the air in the bag.
Dump 'em in, turn the burner to low heat. Stir until well combined.
Portion out into Tupperware.
You've got a good couple meals right there. Even more as side dishes if you have the energy to cook chicken nuggets or fish or veggies or whatever.
Lunch. Breakfast. Dinner.
Carbs to keep you awake and moving.
Protein to fuel your muscles.
Bit of fiber to push it all through your guts easier.
Citric acid to avoid the scurvy.
Can be eaten hot or cold, and the shit's good, too.
You're gonna have something tasty to eat whether you can operate a microwave or not this week.
That's what you're gonna do.
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fbfh · 2 years ago
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The ending to chapter 11 of LUTD reminded me of this, ngl...
Nico: Y/N, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be Leo's girlfriend.
Goth Shawty: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Girlfriend? I don't want to be Leo's "girlfriend".
Nico: Well... what do you want then?
Goth Shawty: I don't know. I just wanna be with him all the time. I wanna hear about his day, tell him about mine. I wanna hold his hand and smell his hair. But I don't want to be his stupid girlfriend.
Nico: Y/N, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.
Nico, under his breath: And a pretty clingy one at that.
JLKGJSLKJSSLKSDJD LITERALLY. anon you just described Leo and goth shawty perfectly. reader really said "I don't want to be his girlfriend ew no I just want him to be completly devoted to me and not touch anyone else or be attracted to anyone but me."
nico: "...so you want to be his girlfriend."
seriously though once Leo gets goth shawty to really open up she's going to be the clingiest motherfucker on earth but like same bc it's Leo. who wouldn't be clingy as hell with him.
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babykittenteach · 1 month ago
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my top song this year is the subject of ongoing legal actions predicated on the idea that it was artificially made popular by bots but no i just have hated that man for ages and have adhd
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grmpgm · 8 months ago
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ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually
#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can#i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed#i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline#my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up#and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf#it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do#it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time#kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly#it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly#it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person#it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t.#so i won’t be i guess.#and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional#worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully?#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place.#i have literally no excuses#it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better#and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!)#it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL
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callixton · 8 months ago
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took 10 mg of my ex's ritalin in the hopes it would balance out my adhd and i'm having like. a real weird reaction to it. it is making me paranoid i don't have adhd but i think it is much more likely that my body just isn't sure how to deal with having a stimulant in it for the first time. i'm also not like. high in any way. i'm just sort of jittery and physically unable to settle. and i'm still having trouble focusing but not the way i usually do which i suspect might also be bc this isn't overriding how tired i am. i also can't stop talking when in a conversation
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aurosoul · 2 years ago
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🥹.
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sillyfreakx5 · 4 months ago
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it's so annoying how abbreviations repeat in psychiatry. like when i see "ASD", my first thought is autism spectrum disorder. but noo, in this article it's acute stress disorder
WHYYYY
/lh
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cassarson · 10 months ago
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Do any of y'all have adhd and bipolar or know of any good accounts of what having both is like? I've noticed that I've been having some seriously abnormal moods recently, and the more I look into it, the more I think that it looks a lot like bipolar, but I'm not sure how it would interact with my adhd, or even if there's anything other than my adhd going on at all. Feel free to DM me if you don't want to talk about it publicly
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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 3 months ago
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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qhazomb · 4 months ago
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"maybe writing this In Sound Mind fic will get me back fully into a writing mood and i can finally start writing my THINGVRAI fic!"
and then that didn't fucking happen
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volivolition · 8 months ago
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Is the Wip game finished? Can I still ask for stuff? If I still can, can I get a snippet from the one that give me the most rot (meet the parts)? If no, then I'm just swinging by to say hi how are you doing? <3
HI RED!! thank you for swinging by, im doing better than earlier!! my ear is getting better and im eating pizza :]!
okay so TECHNICALLY it's no longer wednesday, but i LOVE spoiling my fics so of COURSE you can have a snippet from Meet the Parts hkjh <33 you are always free to ask anytime, i will always be happy to share bits of my stories <3 AND SINCE THERE'S NO RULES I CAN SHARE MORE THAN THREE LINES!! here's like, a whole React Speed thing i just wrote :]
LOGIC – Along with Coach and Sparks – Flighty and Fingers too, I suppose – they're why you have trouble sitting still for long periods of time. The attention deficiency disorder... Or are they exacerbated by it? I still haven't figured out which is the cause and which is the effect...
REACTION SPEED – Point is, we got zoomies! Can't sit still. Always more to do, more to see, more to say.
YOU – "Are you why my leg is always-"
REACTION SPEED – Bouncing, yep! Fingers tapping, hands flapping, feet moving, words flying- hey, if you had wings like me, we'd never be touching ground.
YOU – "You have wings?"
KIM KITSURAGI – He jots this down with an interested hum.
REACTION SPEED – Yes! Books, what- which animal–
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] – You have the hovering wing type of trochilidae – hummingbirds, colloquially – with their ability to rotate their wingspan at the shoulder and elbow joints to create maximum lift. However, though you exhibit some iridescent feathers associated with the birds, your wings also connect to membranes, which share the Voronoi tessellation of the species anisoptera, the common dragonfly.
REACTION SPEED - Yeah, exactly! I'm a hummingbird and a dragonfly. Both of 'em. :)
#task: meet the parts#inland drabbles#volta transmissions#the :) is not in the original but i added it here for fun <3 :)!!! ALSO YAY my reaction speed has wings :]#im glad you like meet the parts :'] its hard for me to work on it but i just wrote this scene thinking ''oh but red loves these guys'' hkjg#like! i LOVE the premise of meet the parts as much as the next guy but i dont like how im writing it hkjgh? i dont know what im doing :']!!#i need to finish my character analysis for all the skills first because i feel like im writing them too shallowly... ough im trying#how am i introducing kim to the skills when even i dont know the skills!! im building a house with a foundation made of peanuts hkjh#like hm. ency wouldn't touch on so many subjects so briefly? he'd zero in on one topic and talk.... or not? idk!! im not an int guy!!#reaction speed does use a LOT of exclamation marks though i love this for him. his sentences are often short and cut into phrases.#''Blam! Straight in the eye. Straight in the old eye-orb. In *the lookin' ball*!'' short pointed sentences. also oh my god he's silly <3#restless and energetic. coach wants you to move; echem needs the dopamine; but react speed puts the Hyperactive in ADHD!#sidenote: canon in reaction speed's description ''working in tandem with your Intellect skills'' GUY WHO GETS ALONG WITH THE INTs :D <3#anyway this is also the one of the few skill-centric fics im writing that don't have my usual skill actions :0#''REACTION SPEED flutters excitedly; twisting to try and catch a glimpse of his own wings - Yes!'' vs just ''REACTION SPEED - Yes!''#which means a lot of what the skills are doing or thinking as characters are cut out unless i have them mention it in dialogue#which SUCKKSSS for me because i LOVE focusing on the skills but i often leave it out when the outside world is involved (harry and kim)#it presents a unique challenge to just write characters with only dialogue. ough... curse my current lack of interest in the humans hkfjh..#ANYWAY im running out of tag space so im done rambling hkjhg thank you for asking red! :D#esprit: Red
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seventh-district · 6 months ago
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i ​also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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