#but I miss the small next to the big
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Okay so I've been thinking about this post a lot during my DS9 rewatch and it just struck me how much I miss filler episodes. GOOD filler episodes. The ones that create characterisation and relief. Don't get me wrong, I love In Purgatory's Shadow, In the Pale Moonlight or Improbable Cause or even The Marquis ("It's easy to be a saint in paradise" line lives in my head rent-free) or any of the mainline story episodes, they're splendid, but they aren't what made me fall in love with DS9 on its own. The episodes I watch and rewatch and share with friends are not those. It's Only a Paper Moon, The Wire, Our Man Bashir, House of Quark, Hard Time, ... Nor the Battle to the Strong, Past Tense, Far Beyond the Stars, Doctor Bashir I presume, Bar Association, Trials and Tribble-ations, and so many others... All filler episodes I can't watch The Wire, Doctor Bashir I Presume or Hard Time without sobbing. I can't imagine a DS9 without Far Beyond the Stars. These episodes mean a lot to me for the experience it shares, the recognition I get to see. And they wouldn't be included in most new series. DS9 was so good at letting its characters be living, breathing, broken and healing individuals, and it got to do that by showing how they were also fighting their own battles or having fun. They showed us why their fight was worth it, and what I had to lose. It didn't just lower the stakes, it upped them at the same time because god, please, let my silly little goobers live, I want them to play the next chapter in their James Bond simulation, I want them to play some more sports, I want them to fall in love and utterly fuck it up. And the best part was that the filler episodes added storytelling elements, it lulled me into a sense of safety. It used its time to flesh out the world. Garak's shop blowing up? Can just as well be a filler or a main ep. Bashir getting stuck on a planet with a medical issue to solve? Time to worldbuild something about the Dominion! Quark getting into a scheme that completely spirals? Either it'll give you a laugh or it is the first time the Big Bad get named. I don't want big action sets every episode, I want to feel connected. I want these characters to be people, to live lives, to feel as real in the heartwrenching and hilarious extremes. Life is absurd, bigger than I can ever hold in my hands. Give me back the moments where I remember it is also small and meaningful, and worth going through.
I don't know what those '90s sci Fi TV writers were putting in their shows but I wish they'd start doing it again
#Please give me back my filler episodes#not even for every series#I don't mind a miniseries#but I miss the small next to the big#deep space nine#star trek#ds9
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Some process gifs of my paintings this year!
#the art of a lemon wedge#art process#man#i love painting#moat of my focus on these this year have just been committing to loosening up#vary my strokes and just not over working a painting?#most of that just means trying to keep as much of that first painting pass#since its has the biggest strokes and most energy when i lay it down#and also#NO ZOOMING IN#AHHHH#all this is painted with my seeing the entire piece and just working from big to medium then small#which is good cause u can keep track of details and what youve missed but it also feels like a huge mess for so long#at times its hard to see where ur even going#my favorite piece i think might be my otacon one#i didnt include him in here just cause that piece is like....3 layers?#it very much feels like those how to books that are like. circle. now draw the entire owl#BUT thats literally how i figured it out#1. base 2. simple clean 3. fine line detail#i do eventually want to do a full recording but the thing is#i just dont want to ......#ahaha#but i do#its just the idea of constantly being watched you know?#despite me wanting to share it....#anyways#TO NEXT YEAR#wonder what ill make#:D
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small PSA: if you shop at craft shows or artist alleys, please bring more than apple pay or a virtual card - especially if you're not comfortable entering your card number manually. not all of us have fancy card readers, so please also bring your physical card or cash, even if it's only as backup 👍
#psa#conventions#artist alley#not art#i've done two craft shows and two conventions with just my swipe reader. and cash ofc. but i did have to miss a couple sales at the cons#because people only had apple pay. no cash no physical card. It Sucks For Both Of Us!#when i say there are small businesses in the artist alley i mean some of us are Small#i don't speak just for myself but for other artists who have this trouble as well. some folks are just starting out and some folks#just do this for a hobby and can't afford or can't justify the bigger terminals yet or at all#if i get into ACEN again next year i'll opt for a terminal but they're Pricey and not something to start out with y'know#if you want to be an artist's best friend though? pay in cash.#not to mention if there's technical or wifi trouble - cash just works 100% of the time. no reader or wifi will stop you from using cash.#semi related but i had someone try to pay with apple pay at my last show and i said they'd have to enter their number manually then#and they said they'd go find their partner and see if they had card/cash. and then while they were walking away from their booth#their friend asked why and they said it wasn't safe. on one hand i can't be mad because its VERY good to practice card safety!#on the other hand. you're entering it into the same app that would process a swipe payment. it's exactly as safe as if you'd swiped it#i promise as long as you're entering the number into a square app your card info is safe lmao#anyway yeah a lot of us aren't Big Businesses. please just be courteous and bring some traditional payment methods Just In Case
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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life update
so im (formally, will informally still be working on a contracting basis) leaving my job in December and moving to western Maine where ben is and like.... very scary!! but also exciting! - going to commandeer the local historical society (already in the works with that :)) and also try to get an apprenticeship doing historical restoration (not going well)(considering posting on MAM or NEMA abt it) and also maybe either just start grad school online or work on getting my writing more formally published
so yeah
genuinely devastated to be leaving my job though me and my boss both cried but also!! excited to sign a lease longer than 6 months??? and live with ben and the cats again???!
so that's my life update, generalized
#excited to not live in a mold filled apartment anymore#but also#very nervous#both good and bad nervous#I will miss my job so much#bc it really is so great#but all my friends are moving away from that area#and its just getting more and more expensive to live tehre#but also!!!#im presenting at MAM next month so that's exciting and hopefully I will meet some people there#who can help me on my quest#bc I really just like to be around and helping work with historuy#bc its important!!! the big and the small!!!#museum curator#brick collector#personal blog#history#museum blog
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#happy birthday to me!! :))#i am at a restaurant at 12:40am after working on a play in toronto!!#it went pretty well!! im a bit mad bc a tattoo coverup failed me both nights#but i know it was the products not my technique so i know how to fix it for the next shows in a week#its really exciting to be working in another city on my birthday tbh!!!!!#feels like a big deal#i am however excited to be home tomorrow#i miss my bed and the silence of sleeping alone lol#tomorrow will be a fun day driving!! i like road trips#ive had a small amount to drink but im so happy to be here :))
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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me
#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks#but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score#im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again#the bathroom is not in the apartment btw#that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area#but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom#im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment#i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in#i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city#and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit#that would be nice#i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try#mostly i just miss that city#there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment#(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially#and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk#and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol#i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash#and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid#was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip#its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving#but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home#oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there#mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that#but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it#im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going#its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love#i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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So... Leigh and Emery weren't my first attempts at drawing a Parabolan reflection! Here is Wadiya's - my Bag a Legend PC!
Wadiya's reflection is one fused with the Vake, and presenting as one. They are based on Curators, with anatomy most similar to a Vampire bat, but lack both claws and eyes. Wadiya delights paradoxically in gaining inhumanity, hunting, and light, while her reflection is inhuman, but is unable to hunt or see. The Peligin-blood staining to her skin is missing, as are Wadiya's scars, and her Parabolan reflection is far, FAR meeker as a result.
#oc: wadiya babar#parabolan!Wadiya is closer to a description of a cryptid or folk legend creature#a big ole guy who hides from view but can be heard crunching through the forest if you enter quietly enough yourself#wadiya respects animals more than people so her reflection being mostly-animal is An Improvement in her eyes but. the claws are not#give all versions of wadiya claws 2k24#wadiya was the first one i like. badly sketched in 10 seconds. then damodar (youre next queen) then leigh and em#the Boys were just easier because they're ones i felt more confident with the details on#but yeah its miss wali next and then. idk if eliza gets one. it's just its mr. cards design ztlxitxtclyuf#but yeah gentle giant wadiya is fun hehe considering they are uhhhhhhh Small Quiet Stoic Hunter it's a fun little half-twist#fallen london#my ocs#dame's art
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august 10th - 3 birthdays
issho
hattori
gedatsu
#one piece#august#small heads up! the reblog on this post is going to be delayed!#i'll be on a flight when this posts and won't land until after the time when i schedule the rb sooo it's just going to be a few hours late#i refuse to pay for the inflight wifi lmao#yes i am aware i missed a pretty big birthday yesterday. i can't fix it until i get home next week ;_;#[head in hands] my credibility is in shambles#official website why must you keep betraying me
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I may or may not have started a project that will probably overwhelming me...
#by the time that copper tower completely ages i should have prepared everything...#the tall pallete is for the fantasy towers i will build on a windswept mountain next to my base#the small pallete is for the entire village#i dont get why most minecraft players hate the new bamboo blocks.. they're pretty!!#a bit biased because I use bamboo for my little Filipino hut as a main base#but really there's so much to bamboo people are probably missing on... it works well with cherry. blackstone. warped and crimson. mud bricks#and there's so much variety you get from crafting bamboo blocks as well...#BUT YEAH this is my first minecraft project and tbh i am scared 😂 but ey... been wanting to do this for the longest time...#my last village didn't quite do well... now im determined to make this work...#this is gonna be a big task as i cant build redstone machines... it'll kill my phone 😂😂😭😭😭... no automation all manual...#that's enough rambling from me... have a good day! ✨#wyn talks :)#minecroof
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idk why i am so compelled to write about marriages slowly breaking down even tho the couple love each other (nothing thicker than a knife's blade separates love from etc etc). do i call this the john darnielle instinct
#you know when you have a pair of shoes that you like SO MUCH#but they have an imperfection or something that like digs into your heel or they're 0.00001% of a size too small#and you're like whatever it's not a big deal#i love them too much to throw them out anyways i wear them every day!!#and then 5 years later you have a run of bad luck and miss 3 buses and have to hike home in the rain#and your stupid fucking shoes have given you blisters#and you dunk them into the garbage in a fit of incandescent rage#and then the next morning you meekly take them out of the trash and tape up your blisters and wear the shoes again.
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Happy four year adoptiversary to my handsome little boy Montgomery Montgomery Python!!!
Got him august 11th 2019 in lieu of my 16th birthday three days later. I’m turning 20 now. I cannot BELIEVE I’ve had this stupid little rascal for four entire years it does NOT feel like it. Hobbies include hiding in my computer, staring at nothing, and trying to escape his glass prison in the dark. I love him
#Named after montgomery x2 from a series of unfortunate events. And ALSO the Monty python pun#I just call him Monty that’s his actual name but his full name is both Montgomery’s + python + our actual last name for anyone who knows us#But on here? Python is his last name. Not doxxing us via the snake lmfao#He’s so stupid this asshole escaped one time and we literally found him the next morning#Yknow how most reptiles go missing for months if they escape. If they’re ever even found#ONE. NIGHT.#We heard a horrible THUD the next morning and came in on him laying on the floor like he’d fallen off the curtains#Actual fucking idiot boy I love him so much#Actually do not know his gender. He’s either had some weird urates or he’s actually a girl#So. Easy solution my snake is genderfluid just like me. Fuck it#BUT. He’s rather small for being four whole years old so he’s either a wimpy female or average male with weird slug-like piss#(Slugs being. Nonfertilized eggs)#3 is their ‘adult’ age for the record but they grow literally forever just extremely slowly#The first three years are BIG growth. He went from 10 inches to 3 feet in like under two years#Then they slow down#For anyone curious Hes in a 75 gallon tank. Prettymuch the biggest thing you can get commercially before you say#‘Fuck it!’ And just build your own. Which was the plan until we got lucky on craigslist#If he ever can’t stretch all the way tho. We’ll HAVE to build him another one. I want that man cozy damn it#Love this stupid fucking snake#ball python#snake#reptile#python#classic ball python#normal ball python
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19 !
"What’re you excited about for next year?"
Hmmmmm, not sure honestly. There's nothing too big but there's stuff I'm looking forward to!! Unfortunately I haven't applied for any abroad trips 😭😭😭 bcs that's what I was most excited about last year </3
I'm excited to see Aston and Fernando in 2024, I really hope it goes well. The classes I picked for next semester are better than this past semester, so I'm excited(mildly) for that. My school is having an Austrian conference so I'm excited to see if there will be any Habsburg experts I can talk to 🥺 And finally, there's a lot of books I want to read next year so hopefully I'll actually accomplish that...
#wish i had something big like a trip to look forward to#but i think ive kinda missed my chance#maybe idk#i like traveling but it also makes me anxious beyong belief so. its okay :)#theres small things i wanna do for me next yr(like reading drawing etc) so ig im just excited to see what the new year brings!#catie.asks.
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hands on hips. we used to cite our sources in our fics apa style
#okay real talk though.#i think i've gone from being someone who's more visceral in small descriptions to someone who focuses more on the big picture#less poetic/pretentious and more just. matter of fact?#and maybe that's helped with like. writing stamina#but i cannot lie i miss being able to pull good lines out of my ass#ughgh the temptation to just release the rest of nobody asks you questions and move onto my next project#punching a wall writing is a constant progress a fluid mosaic#it is okay to get worse in some aspects as long as we r cognizant and move towards improvement!!
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Almost forgot to take my migraine meds but like a winner I remembered and took it with my happy meal chocolate milk like a big boy
Anyways I deserve a medal
#reminder to take your meds if you need to#anyone else's happy meals coming with old toys#like i got a sonic 2 toy#which is fine i love sonic (tails>>>)#but like....why sonic?#isnt pokemon the toy for this month#idk i miss the days where there were small like displays of the toys#like the one i remeber is when there was like a cutout in the wall#just a small like square with a rounded top#think a pillow like a regular ass pillow you buy at Walmart...that big#with some shelves in the cut-out that would have every toy (both the girly and boyish toys) you could get#and it was nicely decorated to fit the 2 themes#and then a glass pane over it like a fish tank#and it would change each month#AND WHEN THE BOXES FUCKING TOLD YOU THE TOY THEMES FOR THE NEXT MONTH#idk if its just the boxes ive been getting but they dont tell you anymore#i remember when you look on the bottom of the box where all the text is it would tell you the theme for the next month and right under it#it would say “for children under 3 years ask for our baby toys” or something like that and it was just like a small beanie baby#im rambling#i should sleep
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