#but I know a lot offhand so it’s just a matter of FUCK IDK THAT WORD

[chadsuke]

I have to write an essay for korean class. I was given a lil graph talking about how much the average worker works and two lil notes about how worker stress decreases efficiency

And so here I am figuring out how to talk about like fucking, labor rights in korean

[wandringaesthetic]

13, 20, 21 for choose violence game

oooh, I should have maybe asked to specify fandom I don't know what fandoms I share with you offhand I'm just going to do what I feel strongest about

13) worst blorboficiation:

Because it's really the only such case I have any kind of problem with: Emet-Selch. Like, I get it to an extent. Best Final Fantasy villain and it ain't close, and that's coming from someone who has a lot of leftover teenage psychosexual feelings about Sephiroth.

Um, what was I saying?

I hate this man. I have even less sympathy for him than the game wants me to have, I think. FANTASTIC character, I want to kick him down a flight of stairs. And I think that's a pretty normal way to feel until I happen upon some art or fic from someone who hardcore ships him with their WoL (or honestly with anyone I do not want to think about this man fucking) and they are just picking up frequencies I cannot receive and don't want to. No moral judgement because I live in a glass house, but I shudder.

20) part of canon you found tedious or boring

I find this one difficult because honestly nothing sends me out the door faster than "boring." I'm having trouble coming up with non gameplay examples, and even there, level grinding is kinda soothing in the right mindset. thhhhbbth FFX sphere puzzles and those were okay the first time they're just a roadblock to slow me down on all replays.

OH oh oh real answer: Homestuck first Intermission. The ONLY part of it that entertains me is Spades Slick murdering clocks. I've tried to reread homestuck like 3 times and every time I hit this like a brick wall.

21) part of canon you think is overhyped

Berserk Conviction arc: idk that it's all that overhyped but it's fairly popular with the fandom. It's probably the segment with the best art but it's also the segment where I question the narrative choices the most. The Farnese stuff is good and Lost Children is good and the rest is either third hand Satanic Panic stuff or so miserable I have a hard time taking it seriously and I just kind of wish someone who had more of a relationship, positive or negative, with Christianity was writing this? Really where Berserk comes closest to its reputation of being mindless grimdark. I find its shortcomings kind of comforting, though? As in, Miura had shortcomings and was still one of the best to ever do it.

evil answer: FMA 2003. It's not hyped in the sense that most people do agree that the manga and/or Brotherhood is better, but imo overhyped because I just do not think it is good at all.

alternate evil answer: The Empire Strikes Back. I mean it's good but nothing is that good, folks. It's the meat in the Star Wars sandwich but without that which comes before or after, does it matter? No.

[j2zara]

oooo what are aelwyn's feelings on the rest of the clones?? im picturing her finding j2 incredibly tragic & j3 a bit of a bimbo but idk

OK if we're doing this i think i'm just gonna have it be we're buying into a universe where Aelwyn would find out about the clones and not just think they're all jace. To be fair I do have other characters who in my heart absolutely know about the clones and can distinguish all of them or at least some of them (Zara can tell the difference, Eugenia can tell the difference, Lucilla can sometimes tell the difference if i'm feeling shippy).

I do think she would think J4 his honestly kinda girlfail if she got to know her for real for real and a part of the reason aelwyn has a crush on her is that she's this weird object of mystery but also she's like a goth femdom who once said she liked Aelwyn's haircut in a way that was like SO offhand and in passing that aelwyn had to be lay down like I think i hauve covid. She can make excuses for J4 that she can't make for jace tho. She's like oh j4 thinks wizards are stinky? Well. Pobody's nerfect

There's a llne in Ballad of Songbirds that describes Tigris as. Like. I think it was "having a soft nature that invited abuse" (yuck! Snow pov! Evil!) and i think that's a little bit how Aelwyn sees J2. But like. That's how a lot of people see j2. Like at least jace can kinda keep up with her on a back and forth barb level and not that J2 can't but usually he won't. And I do think she sees a lot of her relationship to her own parents in the picture of what is going on with J2's Deal so she's a little pricklier with him that she ought to be as deflection b/c. I'm in this picture and i don't fucking like it. They're the first, they're the ones that have to be perfect.

If she knew him she would maybe affectionately tease him but in that way that she teases literally everyone else in her life in that she has no idea what is the level of acceptable so she's like way too mean with it and hurts his feelings. His nail polish always chipped and he wears cardigans with snags in them and slides with socks no matter the occasion. What! We're playing! You know that's not right!

J3 i could see as her thinking he is. Incredibly fun and funny but also incredibly cunty in a way that she either gels with or completely bounces off. The thing is that. Aelwyn does think of J3 as a bimbo esp at first but just like. How Aelwyn knows that Adaine is incredibly talented and never underestimated her. The thing is that J3 is kinda flighty and understimulated and noncommittal but I also think he would do well if he was given any reason to rise to some sort of occasion. He does want to prove himself, but he also is living a cursed half life and has made it his mission to suck as much dick as possible so you're expecting him to use his spare time to do what, read??? In my mind J3 is probably the funniest clone and his flirtationship with Porter was actually almost... intellectual? Before they started hooking up. The problem with J3 is that he is incredibly like "i'm so sorry I just don't get this math problem i'm so stupid can you help me? wow you're sooooo smart maybe you could tutor me in a private lesson" coded while privately seething that like half of the problems are wrong. You know him. He's Cool Girl.

Anyway. I got off track. Aelwyn. I do think she finds him amusing but ultimately kinda tiresome. But he could be kinda fun. He's more tiresome than jace in large doses but she might like him more than jaceprime anyway. But at least he can keep up with her unlike poor J2 who is very "if we're just nice to the weird mean girl who is mean to us then maybe she will be nice to us". And initially she's like oh this guy is incredibly stupid he is not a threat but is like hm. I will not make that mistake again. I also think she sees a bit of Adaine's deal wit him as the one that is neglected one to her golden child but you didn't hear it from me. Which means she ALSO would probably mock him for essentially being the brutish "team muscle" even tho he's also a spindly little sorcerer.

He also thinks her story about hitting on jawbone is extremely funny but he will deny thus it’s bc he finds it relatable. The one where he’s like “we all hurt from time to time” and she says “I’m moving”

[foldable-mattress]

Give me your honest opinion on Mondo and Rantaro 👀👀👀

Oo okay (I'm so sorry that this has been sitting in my ask box for so long)

Mondo:

Favorite Thing: I love it when the big intimidating characters like smaller animals. Like you think this guy would like Pitbulls or Rottweilers or something, but nope. Also, I would kill for his jacket, it looks so cool!

Least Favorite Thing: This is difficult for me, I don't necessarily hate anything about his character (other than his hair, he's all you would be getting from me if I could draw his fucking hair). I guess that he's a little quick to choose violence, poor Chihiro (and Makoto). Definitely chapters 1 and 2 Fuyuhiko vibes.

Favorite Line: He has so many funny lines in the anime but I'm gonna stick to the game. Going through his voice lines, he's so fucking useless during the trials but he has a lot of funny back-and-forths with other characters. I like the one at the beginning of the first trial where him and Taka go back and forth a little bit. "Don't be a goddamn idiot. Why the hell would they raise their hand?"

BrOTP: Already said him and Leon for Leon's. I would love to see him interact more with Sakura and Aoi, though. Maybe they can teach him there are better ways to release your anger. Okay, maybe Sakura can teach both of them that lesson.

OTP: Ishimondo is an obvious one, absolute sucker for enemies to lovers. Though he mentions that he yells when talking to someone he has a crush on iirc and homie is always yelling so I am inclined to believe that he's had at least the passing thought of "oh, they're attractive/cool" with all of his classmates whether he likes it or not (bisexual struggles ig)

NOTP: Idk, I don't really like victim x blackened ships, so Chihiro, I guess. They can be besties, though

Random Headcanon: iirc in his graduation event, he tells Makoto he'll build a house for him once they get out, so I like to think he's a yes-man when it comes projects. You make an offhand comment about needing more storage? Bam! He's on your doorstep the next day with a homemade chest to keep all your shit in. His love language is definitely gift giving.

Unpopular Opinion: His and Rantaro's are going to be similar, but the butter jokes get old after seeing it constantly (admittedly, I am guilty for making these jokes when I first joined the fandom and I still make some out of habit every now and then). Jokes about his hair are always welcome, though.

Song I Associate With Them: I haven't thought about this too too much so these are off the top of my head. Bad Bad Things by AJJ, Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths, and Shit by Bo Burnham

Favorite Image: I couldn't find it, but I think it's like a promotional art or something where it's just a bunch of characters sitting around, and he's just like patting Taka on the head. Very cute 10/10 (I pray you guys know what image I'm talking about). Also this one is so funny

Rantaro:

Favorite Thing: He's so cryptic, and it's so good. He doesn't give us shit in the time he's around (minus FTEs), and I love it!

Least Favorite Thing: I don't dislike anything about him personality or writing wise tbh. His side profile haunts my nightmares, though.

Favorite Line: I would go with the classic "You wanted this killing game, so you have to win no matter what" but instead I'm going with "I was just thinking, what you said back there would have pissed off whoever's running this. They definitely don't want us holding hands, workin' together...They're going to come for you, Kaede. With everything they've got. I'm a little worried about you. You're just so...straightforward." Rantaro is secretly the Ultimate Clairvoyant lol

BrOTP: Him and Kaede are mlm and wlw solidarity and you cannot convince me otherwise.

OTP: I don't really ship him with anyone, but I really liked his Salmon Mode with Shuichi

NOTP: Him and Tsumugi, hands down

Random Headcanon: I like to think he is constantly dying his hair. It's just a faded green because he hasn't been able to redo it for two seasons, and he's going insane because of it.

Songs I Associate Them With: I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire by Kerrin Connoly and Ship in a Bottle by fin

Unpopular Opinion: The fucking avocado thing. Like, I don't mind comparing characters to things, but it gets annoying.

Favorite Image: NO LOOK OUT

[broodsys]

ugh.... i need to get to know some botanists and chemists bc there’s stuff i want to talk out with them. maybe virologists too. i will make friends with all the sciences just watch

looking into rain barrels, and there’s a big push to not use any collected rainwater on edible plants. i understand the point - rainwater, esp collected from your roof, can contain contaminants from things like bird poop or even roofing materials themselves, which can then wash into your rain barrel

however, i think that using it to water the plants is... fairly minimal risk? but putting that aside, let’s just assume it’s a genuine risk, i still think there are reasonable diy ways to treat it - offhand, im thinking a container on top that drains directly into the rain barrel, filled with a thick layer of sand and then a layer of activated carbon. if all the rainwater-from-the-roof moves thru that before it ever hits the inside of the rain barrel, i think that’d take care of most if not all potential contaminants, and at the least really reduce the overall amnt you’re dealing with

but also... plants and soil process this stuff. it’s not a I Put Chemical X Into The Soil So Then I Eat Chemical X kinda formula. it’s more like I Put Chemical X Into The Soil That All The Soil Organisms Process And Then Produce Waste Matter Which Has Processed Chemical X Mixed With A Lot Of Other Stuff Instead Of Pure Chemical X, Which Is Then Taken Up By Plant Roots And Mycelium And Further Processed Before It Ever Hits The Above-Ground Portions Of Plants, Which Are Generally What Will Be Consumed - root vegetables and the like notwithstanding, that may well be a different conversation

reminds me of the idea of contaminated soil in general, and how a big push to address that isn’t Get Rid Of The Soil or Get Rid Of The Contaminants, but instead Add So Much Other Stuff That The Contaminants Are An Increasingly Small Proportion Of The Soil Makeup

but like, idk how accurate my view of this is. there’s a lot of nuance and chemical reactions and changes. what if things bond to the undesired contaminants, do they lessen them or make them worse? do viruses foster underground or just die out? if u have any mycelium network, what’s the big difference btwn using collected rainwater on non-edible plants only, bc mycelium transfers nutrients and could arguably contaminate a whole group of plants you’re intentionally keeping rainwater away from? what about worms and other soil-dwelling creatures, they can physically transfer nutrients or contaminants. idk! part of me thinks these ppl are just being rly fucking paranoid, but then the other part of me is like hey, ur not a chemist, maybe sit down and listen.

other factor: we’ve been using rooftop runoff rainwater for years now with no noticeable bad effects so. yeah. there’s that!

[rezzyromance]

Could I request Heisenberg with a female s/o who's negatively pent up from anxiety and depression and feeling like they're not good enough for Karl but they always put on a brave face to not look weak? They just want to make him happy and proud maybe maybe when they're either fucking or just working, maybe he says an offhand comment that hits home, idk being called useless is a good one to feel like being stabbed. They love him but they've been hiding all their mental struggles and bottling it up be a use they always focused on him first? Mental health feels neglected rn and could use the hurt/comfort if you're okay with this! Up to you if you want to add smut or not, with or without is great

Of course, baby. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the story. (CW: Hurt/Comfort, mentions of anxiety and depression. Sexual scenarios: Fingering, face riding, praising, general NSFW)

Living with Karl is a task that can be mentally taxing on anyone. For you, this wasn't an exception. There was no doubt in your mind that you loved him, but that dragged along a few issues with it. You loved him so much, that you constantly felt an unbearable pressure that pushed you to attempt to impress him out of fear that he may view you as inferior to him. Karl is without a doubt strong, insanely intelligent, passionate, and all around tremendously powerful. Often times you wondered why he even keeps you around.

You had grown very close with him over time. He never put a real title on your relationship, but you both knew that he loved you. He loved you enough to let you help out on his work. He assigned little tasks for you to do such as organizing his blueprints, creating blueprints, and organizing his tools. Each time you did something, he would reward you with praise. Sometimes the praise would be heart to heart while other times it may be skin to skin. While the praise he provided felt rewarding, you began to worry what may happen if your work wasn't good enough. What if you weren't good enough? What if he stopped finding you useful or attractive? These troubling thoughts had been torturing you recently. But, you kept it all bottled up, worried that he may view you as weak if he knew you were so afraid of failure. Whenever you would work on something, you would sit there for hours on end. Nothing could stop you until you were finished. You did this as a way to imitate Karl and his tireless work. Though, Karl does have powers that help keep his body from shutting down the way yours does. That didn't stop you from constantly pushing yourself overboard, though.

A knot grew larger and larger in your throat as you attempted to sketch out a new blueprint, slouching while sitting on your bed. He had asked you to work on it that morning and it was nearly midnight now. The lines were uneven, your hand writing was messy, and it was easy to see where you had erased and redrawn a lot of little details all over the paper. A single tear fell from your eye and onto the paper, causing a wet spot where the ink began to smear. You ignore your body and minds cry for help by quickly wiping your eyes and acting as if it didn't happen. Your hands were shaking as you applied more details, not being close to finish. Your eyes were twitching, fed up with staring down so harshly at the paper for so long. Suddenly, the door to the room opens.

You jump and face the door, realizing how cramped your neck was from your poor posture. Karl entered the room, obviously tired from a long days work. His eyes looked heavy and he was running his hands through his hair. "Still working on that blueprint, buttercup?", he asks as he walks towards you. You look back at the paper and realize how low quality it was, along with unfinished. You quickly hold the paper to your chest, attempting to block it from him. 'Um it's almost finished I swear! I just n-need to add a few more little details.", you assure him. He holds his hand out. "Let me see.", he raises an eyebrow and begins to wiggle his fingers. You attempt to swallow the knot in your throat as you shakily hand it over.

Your hands clutch each other tightly, digging what's left of your bitten nails into your skin. His eyes scan each inch of the paper and his eyebrows begin to furrow. "What.. is this?", he looks over to you. "What?", you're voice is shaky and cracking, but you attempt to cover it up by clearing your throat. "(Y/N)... you've been in here all day and THIS is all you could do? What have you been doing all day?", his voice began to grow into a semi-shout. It felt like thunder as it shook your body. You take a deep breath, attempting to toughen up to his words. "I really did try! I did exactly what you told me an-" he cuts you off before you can finish. "Really? You did exactly as I told you?! You said you could have this done by tonight and i trusted your judgement. But (Y/N) this shit is useless!"

He continues to fuss, but it was all silent to you. All you could hear was the echo of his voice saying that word. "Useless." The one thing you feared of becoming. The one thing you feared of creating. Your balled fists begin to shake. Your lip begins to quiver and your eyes grow cloudy.

"I'M SORRY!", you cry out before looking down at the floor, failing to control your tears as they fell to the floor. Suddenly, your eyes began to flood. Your stomach and heart felt like they were twisting and turning with guilt. He froze, unsure of how to handle this sudden outburst. "Was I too harsh?", he thought. "I'VE TRIED SO HARD TO BE GOOD ENOUGH. GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! I'VE TRIED TO PERFECT YOUR WORK. I'VE TRIED TO LOOK MY BEST EVERY DAY! FOR YOU! I'VE DONE EVERYTHING YOU'VE TOLD ME TO!", your whole body shakes as you break down. "I never told you that you had to do any of that! What the hell have you been pushing yourself so hard for?", his tone was still stern, but he wasn't angry. He was very concerned, but had no idea how to express it. "I WANTED TO MAKE YOU PROUD!", you continue to cry.

The room was silent other than your quiet sobbing. He didn't know what to say. He had no clue that you had put so much pressure on yourself to impress him. He had no idea on why it mattered so much to you. And in that moment, something in him began to ache. He remembered being like that once. So dead set on making others proud of him no matter what it took. He had no clue what to say due to no one ever being there for him in his time of struggle, so instead he goes for a more physical approach.

He grabs you by the arm and pulls you to his body, holding you close. You bury your face in his chest to try and muffle your cries. He runs his hand through your hair, still confused as to why you pushed yourself so hard for him. "I just..", you sniffle. "I just wanted to be good enough.. for you...", you say as you try to stop crying. He lifted you up, carrying you bridal style to the bed. He crawled up and sat his back against a pillow, continuing to hold you close as you buried your face in his neck.

"Look at me.", he held your chin in between his thumb and pointer finger and waited for you to face him. You sniffle and pull your head up to meet him eye to eye. There was a new look in his eyes. Something unfamiliar to the both of you. Tenderness. "You are good enough. And I am so proud of you. Everyday you make me proud. Every time I look at you I'm proud.", he begins to wipe the tears from your face, struggling to find the right words to say. "Look. You don't need to overwork yourself. The fact that you stick around with me to begin with is enough for me." A small smile begins to grow on your face. The sight warms him and helps reassure him that he didn't say anything dumb.

Once you've seemed to calm down, he pulls you in for a kiss. It was warmer than usual. Softer than usual. And Karl isn't a man known for being soft or gentle. But this kiss was far from rough, but just as passionate. It was reassuring and safe. He pulls away and smiles at the sight of your now blushing face. "There's my pretty girl. Now, if you feel like it... since we're already on the bed.. I think I know a thing or two you can do if you still wanna feel useful.", he offers with a sly grin. You giggle and begin to straddle his lap. "Sounds good to me." you say as his hands start to wander around your hips.

"But, we're gonna be doing something different.", he says as his eyes scan every inch of your body. "What's that?", you go to unbuckle his belt but he grabs your wrist before you can continue. "Tonight's all about you. I wanna make you feel good.", he says. During every sexual situation you've had, you had focused on pleasing him first, not thinking about yourself and your own wants and desires. You don't object, so he moves his hands back to your hips and pulls you off of his body, effortlessly tossing you onto your back on the bed.

He then pins himself above you, towering over you. Your heart races at the new experience and your face glows more and more pink. His eyes meet yours and the sight alone is enough to start making your panties grow wet. He lowers his face down to your neck where he begins to place little kisses. Chills run through your body like ocean waves and you let out a quiet gasp as a kiss turns into a nibble. A hickey begins to form and he lets go, moving his mouth to your ear. "I want you to tell me what you want, buttercup." he whispers in your ear as one of his hands begins to wander across your body. It starts up near your breast where he fondles it gently, earning a lip bite from you. Then, he goes lower to your stomach where he scratches lightly at your skin. You squirm beneath his hand. He smiles and begins to kiss you once more before going even further, slipping his hands into your pants and cupping your vagina through your soaking panties. You gasp while your lips are still connected and he gently tugs on your bottom lip with his teeth, pleased at the reaction he's gotten from you.

"Is this what you want?", he slips two of his fingers into your panties and finds your clit, rubbing it slowly. "Mhm", you whine and press yourself into him. "Goodgirl.", he moves from where he was and makes his way down to your pants. He unbottons them and begins to pull them off. He throws the pants across the room and crawls back towards you on the bed. He removes your shirt and your bra underneath, throwing them in the same direction of the pants. He lowers his head down to one of your hard nipples and wraps his mouth around it, caressing it with his tongue. This causes you to moan quietly and grip the sheets beneath you. Your nipple was already so tender, so the feeling of his tongue was powerful enough to make you squirm. He lowers his hand back into your panties, rubbing your clit with his thumb. Your knees bend inward, trapping his hand between your legs. He chuckles with your nipple gently between his teeth. "Looks like you like this, huh?" You moan in response.

It didn't take long for you to feel a climax building inside you, coming closer and closer to exploding with each touch he inflicted onto your throbbing clit. Moans of all volumes filled the room as you got closer and closer. Then, right when you were about to cum, he stops. You groan in disappointment and look over at him. "I was just warming you up.", he smirks and lays on his back. "Come here.", he commands and pats on his chest, signaling for you to sit there. You do as he says and sit upon his chest. The second you sit down, His strong hands grip onto your hips and he begins to pull your body towards his face. He places you on top of his mouth. The next thing you know, your soaked pussy is being attacked by his tongue. You can't help but let a moan slip out between your lips as he closes is eyes, fully focused on bringing you maximum pleasure. He places each hand on each thigh, gripping them slightly all while his tongue swirls around your clit. You use one hand to grip the headboard of the bed and the other one to grip his hair, tangling your fingers in the grey strands. You grip harder as he sucks on your clit, causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. He let loose a few muffled moans and groans, causing vibrations on your pulsing clit. "Oh fuck Karl!", you feel your body weight sink lower and lower as you melt into the pleasure of his tongue. You begin to grind your hips back and forth, riding out your orgasm. He doesn't mind at all and begins to work harder to finally push you to your limit. With a loud moan, you cum into his mouth.

As you catch your breath and shake on top of him, he grabs you once again and pushes you over onto the bed. His beard was shiny around his lips due to a mixture of your sweat and cum. He looks down at your flustered and flushed face, pleased with what he'd done. You noticed a large bulge protruding from his pants. "I want you.", you pant as you reach over, massaging the hard lump. He responds by stripping, too breathless to verbally respond. Once he's fully naked, he makes his way onto the bed. You take him by the shoulder and pull his face into yours, initiating a passionate make out session. Your tongues caressing one another as you both toss and turn, ending up with you straddling him.

You rub his already throbbing dick, preparing for its entry. It was quite large and veiny. The hair that led from his lower stomach to his pubic area glistened with precum. You position yourself and begin to sit on his dick, letting it slowly fit inside you. Your extra wetness helped lube it. Once it was completely in, Karl groaned, grabbing your ass in his calloused hands. "Fuck.. you're so good.", he encourages. You begin to slowly rise and fall, letting your pussy stretch to comfortably fit his girth. You both moaned quietly. Once you feel comfortable, you wrap your arms around his neck and begin to bounce on it, feeling each thick vein add texture. 'What a good girl..." Every time you made your way back down, you could feel the tip of his dick reach your special spot, making your knees feel weak. As overwhelming as it felt, you couldn't stop. You continued to bounce up and down on his dick as his fingers grip your ass for dear life. "You're doing so good.", he praises you and you thank him by clashing your lips together, sharing sloppy kisses as you both moan with each up and down motion. "Such a good girl.", he begins to squeeze your breast, causing you to squeal and pick up the pace. It felt amazing, but your legs grew weaker and weaker with each motion, and he could tell. You were panting as you fucked yourself senseless on his dick.

"Wait a sec.", he gently pats your ass to get you to stop. You stop and rest your sweaty forehead to his, legs shaking beneath you. You didn't want to stop, but you weren't sure how much longer you could continue. Your legs felt like they were on fire. 'Let me help you.", his hands glide up to your waist where he clutches your sides and begins to bounce you up and down, continuing the motion you could no longer do yourself. You kiss him and whine into his lips as he slams your body up and down, grunting harder each time. "Such a pretty girl.." he pants. "Riding my cock so good..", he begins to slam his hips into you, reaching a point inside you that he's never reached before. You throw your head back and moan, tears of pleasure and bliss begin to form in your eyes. You're both exhausted and so close to finishing. You're whole body felt like it was numb and on fire at the same time as your climax creeped closer and closer.

And with a few more strong pumps into you, you both cum. He lets loose of your sides and wraps his arms around your back, drenching in sweat. You collapse on top of him, unable to move any of your body. Karl places a few more sloppy kisses across your face, his facial hair tickling your skin. "Don't you ever.. ever believe you're not good enough. Got it?", he pressures. You're too exhausted to form words, so you simply nod your head, laying down on his chest. His heart beat was rapid but soothing. Soon enough, it lulled you to sleep. He soon followed, keeping his arms wrapped tight around you the entire time.

[rollercoasterwords]

what's the deal with mcd?

ok i am pondering mcd this afternoon (three guesses why) and my sister (foolishly) made an offhand comment that just sent me back into my swamp of thoughts which was "unlike some people i don't enjoy feeling pain for no reason" -- in reference to reading fics with mcd.

so here i am once again to write my silly little essays on tumblr, bc like...why do i like mcd??

and when i say i like mcd, i mean i really like it. i am an avid mcd enjoyer. when mcd is done well, it quite literally stays with me forever and just...nothing else quite compares. i'm the kind of person who will hear something has mcd and be like "ok NOW i'm interested." yknow? like i love a good main character death. 

at the same time, i don't think of myself as a particularly masochistic person. maybe i'm kidding myself, but i don't think i'm drawn to mcd solely because i enjoy reading things that will hurt me (although...ok yeah maybe that's part of it). but like. ok hang on this is going to get both personal + philosophical but for ME, personally, i think i am very much drawn to stories that eschew 'happily-ever-afters.' 

like. i could get into this more but for now i will just say that i am very much skeptical of societal obsession with happy endings and futures. this idea that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, that the present moments in our lives only matter if we're using them to work towards an imaginary future where everything is somehow better and happier...i understand why those things bring comfort, and obviously i'm not like, immune to it. i think about the future as much as anyone else, i do things now because i hope they will make things better later, etc etc. BUT this overarching narrative of like...your life has meaning because one day you will find your happy ending just doesn't resonate with me. i don't believe in it. i need to find meaning in other ways and other places.

mcd pushes back against the happy ending narrative, in a lot of ways. obviously, many stories still end happily or hopefully because we as readers crave catharsis. but there is just something about following along with a character's death and following along with those left behind to grieve them that essentially holds a mirror up to our own mortality, to the fragility of our own hope for happily-ever-afters. like...yeah. we're human. we die. that's it. (maybe u believe in an afterlife--u do u! i don't tho). and life is beautiful and messy and painful because we get the moments we have, and that's it--they don't get banked for some imaginary future. we have the time we have, and...idk i'm probably just talking in circles but something about confronting that idea head on just makes life feel so much more beautiful and precious to me. fuck eternity, and fuck happily ever afters. why does it matter if there's a happy ending? the end is the end either way. 

and i think aside from that i am also just very drawn to the stories of those characters who live past the mcd, who are left behind to mourn. as someone who had to spend a lot of time figuring out how to keep going after trauma, reading about characters who are learning to live with their grief just...idk. it's important to me. it's special to me. grief is a part of love just the same as happiness -- it's all love, and it's all human, and...idk, maybe i am just a little bit masochistic at the end of the day. but isn't there something beautiful about knowing we can feel so deeply, and survive it? like...that's what life is!!! that's what meaning is!!! i am gnashing my teeth

[odinsblog]

Hey I have a question for you. I grew up in a city with high Black and Latino population, I myself am Latino. I have a group of non-ethnic white friends that I absolutely love, however, they are constantly using AAVE and it bothers me to no end. Mind you, my friends grew up in suburbs and had somewhat cushiony lives. So my question to you is how do I bring this up “lightly”? I don’t want to hurt their feelings but at the same time I’m like fuck that.

Also do you have any videos you might recommend on the matter? I am a big fan of your blog and I love the different perspectives you bring to light.

Have a good one!

- S.H.

Hey! That’s a tough one for me because I’ve never really been in that situation before (not because I don’t have any white friends, but because fortunately the ones I’ve had haven’t acted that way). I’m not certain that there’s a completely “light” way to broach the subject, and even if I could think of such a way, I’m not sure that I’d suggest that approach.

They’re your friends, and I get that, so I’m not saying to beat the snot outta them, but if it makes YOU uncomfortable, then maybe they deserve to experience what uncomfortable feels like too.

Sometimes, feeling our anger/pain is a part of learning. I am not one of those Black people who believes in a lot of gentle handholding with white people where racism is involved. If I were a tad bit more cynical—and I’m not, yet—then I’d say that this is the Information Age, where almost anything you want to know is at your fingertips; and many many Black people have been writing about this far longer and far better than I have, so some white people are either consciously or unconsciously making a choice to remain ignorant on this topic.

Look, one of the BIG problems America has in taking on racism is that people always tend to place white fragility ahead of the harm and discomfort that their racism causes—that is completely backwards. If they are really friends and truly good white people™ then you should be able to speak relatively freely with them, and a good friendship should be able to withstand some blunt honesty, right?

Sometimes our real friends need our directness

Offhand, I don’t have any videos that I can think of to help, but if you go to my blog’s homepage (not just the tumblr version) and use the search feature there (upper left hand corner), search for “AAVE” or “aversive racism” or “vocal black face” or “casual racism,” you might find something helpful. SN: I cannot access the desktop version of tumblr anymore, so I apologize in advance for broken links in my music player - I can’t fix them.

And I *almost* feel like I should apologize for this last part, but sadly whenever I couldn’t make this point to someone online, it always worked once I said something like, “would you be comfortable doing the same thing if it was homophobic jokes?” Idk why it takes going there sometimes …. it’s almost like some white people cannot “get” anti-Blackness until & unless you equate it to homophobia (and even then, it’s still a Herculean effort to get them to understand that Black Lgbtq people are an actual thing that exist too, and usually have it even worse).

This is important. Don’t downplay it to make them comfortable. If they’re good friends, they’ll hear you. And if not, then you’re better off without them.

If you’re a follower or a mutual reading this and you have any resources that might help, please feel free to add to this post.

Anyway, I’m about to finish my workday, so this wasn’t as comprehensive an answer as I would liked to have given. I’m sorry if this wasn’t helpful.

Good luck!

[zukkacore]

Whitewashing in AtlaLok: the Western & Christian Influence on s2 of LoK

Ok, so i’m not a big brained expert on all things indigenous or even all things asian but I do think bryke's christian & western worldview seeps so far into season 2 of LoK that i think out of every season it’s by far the most unsalvageable out of everything they’ve ever done in the Atlaverse and is a very insidious kind of whitewashing. I know that sounds hefty but here’s what I mean

For the record, I’m a mixed filipino person & while there is religious diversity among filipinos, more than i think ppl realize or that the catholic majority is willing to let on, when we were colonized a large percent of the population was indeed forced to convert to catholicism so that’s my background, & i don’t know everything about taoism or the what the tai chi symbol represents but the way Bryke westernize the concept of Yin and Yang is honestly… kinda bewildering. They get so many details about yin & yang wrong?? & Yes, it’s possible they could’ve been trying to create their own lore that differentiates itself from the traditional depictions of Yin & Yang, but in the end i think it doesn’t matter b/c the lore they invent is a very obviously western interpretation of the concept of “balance”.

The most important and honestly worst change they make is that concepts of “light” and “dark” are completely oversimplified and flattened to represent basically “good” and “evil” (which, the light and dark side are a bit more complex than representing just “peace/order vs. Chaos” like the show might imply but we don’t even have time for that, but is funny how they get the genders wrong. Like. Traditionally, light is usually coded masculine and dark is usually coded feminine, but never mind that, that’s just a tangent). This really simplifies the nuance of the s2 conflict and makes it a lot less interesting, not to mention just—misrepresents a very real religious philosophy?

And for the record, a piece of media going out of its way to do "the show, don’t tell" thing of stating in the text that “oh, light and dark are not the same thing as good vs. evil” without actually displaying that difference through the writing is just lip service, and its poor writing. A lot of pieces of media do this, but i think s2 of LoK is particularly egregious. The point of this philosophy of balance is that you aren’t supposed to moralize about which side is “good” or “bad”, or even really which one is “better” or “worse”. Even if the show states the concepts are not interchangeable, if the media in question continually frames one side (and almost always its “chaos/darkness”) as the “evil” side, then the supposed distinction between “light vs. dark” and “good vs. evil” is made moot. And besides the occasional offhand remark that implies more nuance without actually delivering, Vaatu is basically stock evil incarnate.

This depiction of conflict as “defeating a singular representation of total evil” isn’t solely christian, but it is definitely present in christian beliefs. And I think those kinds of stories can be done well, but in this case, in a world filled entirely of asian, Pacific Islander & inuit poc, to me it feels like a form of subtle whitewashing? B/c you’re taking characters that probably wouldn’t have christian beliefs, and imposing a christian worldview onto them. Not to mention removes what could have been an interesting conflict of any nuance and intrigue… and honestly, sucks, because I do think s2 has the bones of an interesting idea, mostly b/c there are potential themes that could’ve been explored—I know this b/c they were already explored in a movie that exists, and it’s name is Princess Mononoke! It has a lot of the same elements—tension between spirits and humanity, destruction of nature in the face of rapid industrialization, moral ambiguity where there are no easy or fast answers and both sides have sympathetic and understandable points of view. (Unsurprising b/c Miyazaki is Japanese & Japanese culture has a lot of influence from Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, etc)

Bryke’s western & christian worldview also totally seeps into the characterization of Unalaq, the antagonist of the season which is a real problem. I’m in the middle of rewatching s2 right now and what struck me is that….. Unalaq comes across kinda ecofash AND fundamentalist which is 1) seems like an odd combination but maybe it really isn’t? 2) i think is a really tacky choice considering that the water tribes take the majority of its inspiration from inuit and polynesian indigenous cultures.

I honestly forgot abt this but Unalaq gives this whole lame speech abt how the SWT & humans as a whole suck b/c of their lack of spiritual connection & it was really eerie to me b/c "humans are morally bankrupt and they must be wiped out/punished for their destruction of the environment" is total ecofash logic bc it blames all of humanity for damage caused by those in power—be they capitalists or whoever. It’s a worldview that blames the poor and powerless for something they have no say in, and has real eugenics undertones bc with every implication of culling, there has to be someone who appoints themself the job of culling—of who is and isn’t worthy of death.

This belief also struck me as......... kinda christian in it's logic as well which is WEIRD b/c once again........ their cultural inspirations are DEFINITELY not christian...... The whole "man is inherently evil and must spend their whole lifetime repenting/must face punishment for it’s wickedness" thing and the way that christianity treats humanity as born with original sin or inherently corrupt—as well as above or separate from nature are really stronger undertones in Unalaqs worldview....... which isn't really an indigenous way or thinking.

I'm generalizing of course but from what I have seen from the indigenous people who speak on this is that (feel free to point out or correct me if i’m mostly generalizing abt Native Americans and not other indigenous cultures & there are some differences here) is that while native tribes are not monolithic and do vary wildly, there are a lot of common threads and that reverence and respect toward nature and your surroundings is an important tenant of indigenous beliefs. (I specifically remember the hosts on All My Relations saying essentially that we humans are a part of nature, we are not separate from it, and humans are not superior to animals—I’m paraphrasing but that is the gist of it)

So, yeah, I think it’s just really distasteful to write an indigenous character who is characterized in a way that’s way more in line with a christian fundamentalist & wants to bring about a ragnarok style apocalypse end of the world when that isn’t really a tenant of our beliefs? (btw, the way the end of the world is framed is also kinda fucked up? If i were being charitable, I could say that maybe s2’s storyline is a corruption of the hindu depiction of the end of the world, but even that sounds mildly insulting for reasons I won’t get into b/c i am Not The Expert On Hinduism. I will say that once again, the framing of the concept is all wrong, the show views the idea of apocalypse through a very western lense)

To wrap this up, I think the depiction of Unalaq could *maybe* work b/c he is the antagonist, so someone who strays from the NWT cultural tradition in a way that makes his view of morality more black and white wouldn’t be a *horrible* idea for the bad guy of the season. Especially because the introduction of capitalism to the A:TLA universe could probably cause a substantial shifts to… idk, everything i guess, b/c capitalism is so corrosive. Like. Sometimes people are just traitors. I do think it would be interesting to portray the way capitalism manifests in a society without white christians. Like… I do think there are a lot of ways secular christianity and capitalism are interlinked. But Unalaq is not portrayed as an outsider, he’s portrayed as hyper-traditionalist in a way that’s vilified? I guess rightly so, he does suck, but it’s just hard to conceptualize how a person like Unalaq comes to exist in the first place. In the end, I don’t really think it makes sense, in a world without white people, I don’t really know where this introduction of black and white christian morality would even come from in the avatar world?

TL;DR, Bryke applying western christian morality & world views to non-white characters in a world where white people have NEVER existed to affect our beliefs is a subtle form of white-washing. It imposes simplified “good vs. evil” world-views & cultural beliefs onto its characters. Any attempt to represent or even just integrate our actual beliefs into the A:tla lore are twisted and misrepresented is a way that is disrespectful and saps out any nuance or intrigue from the story, and alienates the people its supposed to represent from recognizing themselves within the final product. And Finally, on a more superficial story level, these writing choices clashe with the already existing world of ATLA--and is honestly just poor world-building.

[urmomsstuntdouble]

i hope this helps you in your ranting/rambling mood! im curious about what hetalia canon you’d change, if any, and why. alternatively, what canon do you wish the fandom would pay more attention to?

1thanks for the ask! sorry this is so late btw, i sort of had to be Out and About today, but i do have many thoughts. i hope this is to your liking :)

 so the first thing that comes to mind is how infuriating the canon ages are. i dont think hima put very much thought into how ages work, or maybe he tweaked it to fit a specific character without considering the internal logic of the series at large. what he did was make it so that every character is about the same age during the modern day, and painted himself into a corner where ages need to be traced backwards from the present day, if that makes sense. like he wants everyone to be in their teens or 20s but not all countries are the same “age” if you can say that..idk, like how china and america could be confused for being the same age when china is like 25 times older than him. and this sort of results in some anachronisms (which, anachronisms and misinformation are inevitable when you try to personify countries because you’re just one person writing your interpretation of history and you have biases and whatnot, which is why its important for fans to DO YOUR RESEARCH) or just weird inconsistent stuff like america being the same age during the revolution as he is in the present day and also the entirity of chibitalia.

chibitalia makes absolutely no sense beyond a narrative perspective, and the narrative didnt even need children for it to be good. im also especially annoyed by chibitalia because it serves as proof that himaruya doesnt care about the internal logic of age in hetalia. factors such as “strength-” which i assume to mean military power- the economy, political stability, and cultural identity are what seem to be the driving forces behind the nations’ ages. so let’s take a look at chibitalia through those lenses. if we’re talking military power in the time frame of chibitalia, which im taking to be the early modern period (1500-1800), but it really could be When Fucking Ever during the hapsburg rule of northern italy. the papal states managed to organize and carry out several crusades to recapture jerusalem, and despite none of them being successful and also occasionally resulting in wars against the turks, it does take a lot to consistently organize and carry out that sort of military action without having what we today would consider a politically unified country. this is sort of acknowledged in canon, although its more of an offhanded mention thats brought up once and then never mentioned again, when turkey says that italy kicked his ass one time a couple hundred years ago. concerning the economy, italy’s economy during the early modern period was off the shits, actually. the whole. renaissance thing? although john green raises an interesting point of Did The Renaissance Actually Happen, its a convenient name for the time period, so we’re going with it. and especially where venice is concerned, seeing as venice was one of the wealthiest city states in the entire country, and i believe veneto still is. and then there’s political stability- this is an interesting one because it can be interpreted in different ways both in and out of the hetalia canon. for example, former soviet states are depicted as being younger, despite many of them being very old countries, and america and canada are depicted as babies during the colonial period- even though the colonies basically governed themselves with little oversight from the british crown. this also applies to moldova, who is referenced as being a fierce warrior by hungary when she’s a kid- about 1000 years ago- and is still depicted as being a 12 year old in the modern day. i think where chibitalia is concerned, hima used the control of northern italy by the hapsburg dynasty and the holy roman empire to mean that there was a lack of political strength for the northern italian city states, but! the final say in all matters belonged to the church. it had been like that for hundreds of years, and the church was very much not a design of the hre or the hapsburg dynasty. the church was kind of in greater control over the hre and the hapsburgs than the actual monarchs (until 1648) at some points, which i think would make italy a bit more politically strong than austria or hre. not that he’d be a whole adult or anything, more that they’d all be around the same age physically- or even that austria would be younger! and of course the italian cultural identity was long since formed. because of all that i dont think it makes any goddamn sense for italy to be a child- and of course this also applies to romano, who’s mostly representing naples and sicily. some things are different of course due to the north/south split, but most of this does apply to both. 

anyway, i also think that america’s age makes no sense. i love america as a teenager, i really do. teenagers scare the living shit out of me and america is teenagers. but the way that he ages is totally historically inaccurate. so he’s a child during the 7 years war? cool. why does he age like a regular human during the interwar period leading up to the revolutionary war? yes america was politically stable yes the south was filthy fucking rich off slave labor, but where’s the american cultural identity? nonexistent. the military might? there is no american military in 1750. so yes america should be a little older than a child, but he shouldn’t be the same adult he is in 1780 that he is in ww2 and in the modern day strips. i think this was done because it might be a lil fucked to have grown ass england be fighting a tween in the revolutionary war strips, although i say lean into that fucked-ness. of course thats just me, although i do think it might be more narratively impactful if arthur was an adult and alfred was a child during the revolutionary war strips, and more accurate. i think 11-14 is a good age, because at the time of the revolution, the states were more like their own countries, and no one particularly had an allegiance to america, they just had an allegiance against britain. people didnt really consider themselves americans over their state until after the war of 1812 (which ended in 1815), so him being middle-school aged at that point in time would really be interesting. kind of like an identity crisis, ya know? because it was, in all honesty, an identity crisis- who were the people of these united states (these united states is the og name)? n e whay, yeah. age is stupid and theres more characters i could talk about but id be here all night and i am tired! 

as for something i wish got more attention by fans, i think just all the weird shit. like they truly are Weird People, absolutely no sex appeal. anyway. im gonna go to sleep now, hope that was a cool answer! 

[ofgunshy]

⌠ ROSAMUND PIKE, 45, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, IRENE BRADFORD! originally hailing from GALLAGHER, this alum specializes in PROTECTION & ENFORCEMENT. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a collection of worn and creased baby pictures, wearing black to your own funeral, advanced martial arts in stilettos, a bathtub filled with rose petals, several different passports for different identities).  it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 1/22/20, and when they were still in school their most requested dish was STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE from the school’s chefs. hopefully their presence can help ease the minds of gallagher students. ⌿ kati, 23, she/her, est ⍀

i have no excuse for this except i’m messy and i live for drama !!! i’m trying to play an alumni for a hot second, let’s see how i like it ?? the tl;dr of her sobstory is under the cut bc i’m like that, but she’s a bad bitch who’s seen some shit and can crush all of u with her pinky. – @gallagherintro​

PINTEREST / BIOGRAPHY.

born to a prominent legacy family, her mother steps down from being a spy to become a homemaker for irene and her younger brother. her dad continues spy work, but irene is told he has lots of ‘business trips’ and he’s on the road so much because he drives trucks?

hears her parents fighting one night, and you can come to the conclusion that her dad is likely an assassin, trained at blackthorne. he might be part of the brotherhood...

either way, he’s killed in their kitchen when she’s ten, she finds the body. we love some lasting trauma!

she goes to a spy prep school and then gallagher academy, where she meets her best, lifelong friend laura sutton! they’re sort of the dream team, partners in crime and they push each other to be their best, always competing to be top of the class – but they lift each other up as well. tru homies.

she’s recruited for the CIA and is assigned to protect an ambassador. that’s when she falls in love with the guy trying to kill the ambassador and they embark on a clandestine relationship, meeting up in hallways, elevators, any chance they can get their hands on each other for a moment. all leads up to the moment of truth where...she should kill him or he should kill her and neither of them can do it. so, every time they said ‘no feelings’ was a fucking LIE.

he leaves his organization to pursue her, she thinks, and he takes a job at the CIA. idk whether he was telling the truth or not, doesn’t really matter. a couple years later she winds up pregnant – which they’d sort of talked about kids in an offhanded way, but didn’t really plan for it to be so soon. she’s scared to tell him, but he says “marry me” yk

during all this time, she’s been looking into her father’s past trying to figure out how he died and what was up with that and all. that’s when she discovers the ‘brotherhood’ and miles involvement.

she remembers what happened to her father and she won’t let her kids go through what she did. so, she packs miles things, tells him to get tf out.

when she has TWINS ! she quits her job to care for them and tries to live her normal life for a bit, but her name is compromised in a data breach. she’s on security detail all the time and so, she makes the difficult decision to give up the kids.

she goes back to the CIA, buries herself in her work, and rises in the ranks. she’s kind of following what her destiny was supposed to be at this point, and for about ten years, she gains a reputation (among those that are allowed to know) for her work. stays in touch with the suttons of course, but for the most part she does not engage in any romantic relationships ( sexual’s another story yk w/e )

for the past FIVE years, she’s gone undercover after faking her own death to work alongside a crime organization in europe, slowly helping take them down from the inside. most of her job involved protecting and ensuring the safe release of hostages, so idk, if you think after all of this she’s cold...she’s good at forming connections, she just detaches herself from meaningful ones, if that makes sense. she’s gonna make you feel fucking safe under her care though.

she switched gears when she got a call from laura sutton – when she heard the word ‘brotherhood’ she saw it as her chance to fucking end this and end the organization that really, ruined her life! she expected to see the suttons, pinch some cheeks or w/e, but she did not expect to run into her children again after yeeting them into the care of the government.

CONNECTIONS.

note(s): she’s maddox and tilly’s mom, and kass’ godmother ! she do be loving val as well though. 

people she’s worked on jobs with ! idk, any alumni that she’s worked with before. perhaps they got along, perhaps they didn’t ? we can kinda work this out on a case by case basis.

if your alumn went to BLACKTHORNE maybe they knew her husband better...maybe they still know him...very suspicious. 

old friends that chose her husband in the split lol

someone she was close with that did not get the memo she SURVIVED and thought she died five years ago lol. gonna be saucy when they reunite ig ! 

alumni fwb where yk, they probably shouldn’t be hooking up but you gotta blow off steam somehow ? she’s probably v cold to them otherwise

students that are her ‘problem students’ yk...they’re a hot mess, but maybe she wants to fix and help them

any protection & enforcement kids for her to mentor and help ! 

if your student has parental ties to the brotherhood, you can bet that she’s about to be all up in their business, even if your student doesn’t know anything, she’s looking for CLUES 

a student that really reminds her of herself while she was here ... someone with similarities that she really be relating to and loving them !!!!

idk bonus: if ur thinking of bringing an alumni, feel free to chat with me about miles and/or irene’s brother !!!

[astromechs]

anything that’s worth my love (is worth the fight)

idk, oneshot, character/relationship study thing, who knows. also i didn’t reread the bendis issues about the cancerverse before i wrote this, so i took some liberties and fuck bendis canon anyway

also on ao3!

i.

Peter Quill is a strange guy.

It’s not the most profound assessment, but it’s about the best that Rich has, even after almost three months of working with him. Just by looking at him, you’d think that he’d be one of those painfully serious guys out of an old movie, dark, brooding, and mysterious. But over time, it becomes clear that, in a lot of ways, he’s the opposite; he seems to come to life more and more by the day, a ghost of a smile here, something like a bad joke there, a lot of offhand comments that seemingly come out of nowhere but somehow prove to be completely relevant.

Rich finds that his eyes have developed a tendency to linger on Peter for probably longer than they should, as if just staring will somehow get him closer to figuring the guy out.

That’s it. Nothing more to it than that.

There’s no real reason that he’s continuing to watch as Peter walks away, and—

“Richard.” He’s still not used to the voice that’s now a part of him, yet he can't imagine life without it, either, somehow. (It’s not entirely a bad thing; he’ll take his comforts where he can get them, even if said comforts have an annoying habit of always waking him up in the middle of a few precious hours of sleep.) “I have found that your heart rate increases by an average of twelve percent whenever you are in the proximity of Peter Quill. I am analyzing — ”

“Shut up, Worldmind,” he cuts in flatly, but the words don’t leave his mind for weeks afterward.

ii.

Worldmind had calculated this plan’s probability of success to sit somewhere at approximately four percent, but Rich had thought that had been generous.

Direct assault has pretty much never been an option against the Annihilation Wave up to this point; this whole thing has been a game of finding the best time to evacuate civilians, and then retreat. He’d like for that to not be true, sure, because, well, maybe he hadn’t paid as much attention as he should have in his high school history classes, but he’s pretty sure no one has ever won a war purely through retreats. Even so, though, the fact is that even in the best case scenario of the United Front not running on basically a skeleton crew of troops, they’d still be massively overpowered, outgunned, and everything else.

But Peter had been right; something had to change to turn the tide, and this had been their best opportunity to strike. The crazy son of a schlag had just decided to do it himself before anyone else could argue.

That’s the long and short of how Rich had gotten here, crouched on the ground next to a second-in-command who had also just given them the biggest advantage they’ve had in months by putting himself in the blast radius of a well-placed bomb. And said second-in-command is still in one piece, somehow; a little worse for the wear, judging by the way he favors his right side as he tries to lift his body into a sitting position, but nothing that won’t see a full recovery.

There are about a million things on Rich’s mind, but each one gets away at light speed before he can grab on, and all he’s left with is a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that hasn’t managed to disappear. He swallows down the dryness in his throat, and when he opens his mouth to speak, all that comes out is:

“You’re crazy.”

“Maybe.” Peter shrugs in response, and after a moment, he actually smirks through the blood trickling from his bottom lip. “But it worked, didn’t it?”

There’s a part of Rich that’s definitely pissed, but the rest of him can’t help the smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth.

(And, okay, he can’t lie; he probably would’ve done the same thing.)

Peter Quill may, truly, be the craziest man he’s ever met in his life, but there’s a possibility that they could win this whole damn war because of him.

iii.

They’ve managed to gain some ground, but Krelar still falls.

It’s a brutal loss, probably the most brutal in a whole war full of them; a hidden horde of the Wave had decimated thousands of civilians before they could even retreat, and those who’d been left of the United Front had barely made it off the planet themselves. They’re all shaken, deeply, and Rich had ordered everyone to tend to their wounds and get some sleep before reconvening at the end of the night cycle.

An order he knows he won’t follow himself.

He tries, though, for a time, tries to lie back on his pillow in his quarters and shut his eyes; he can go without rest longer than most, but even with the entire Nova Force inside him, he’s still pushing his limits. But when he does, he sees Kree falling on all sides, hears their screams as they do. He sees Xandar dying around him, just as he has in his mind’s eye. Death, just death, and even with all this power, he’s always helpless to do nothing but watch it happen….

His feet hit the floor, wander the corridors aimlessly, until they end up at the door of Peter’s quarters.

It opens before he can even knock.

They stand there for a time in silence, Peter looking as lost and haunted as he feels. There’s nothing to say, anyway; no platitudes will bring the planet back, gallows humor can only go so far, and with both of those options gone, well. That’s it.

Except —

Peter leans in and presses his mouth to Rich’s, and Rich doesn’t take the time to think about what’s happening, instead pulling Peter’s body as close to his as possible. They stumble through the doorway like this, a tangle of lips and hands searching for some kind of solid reassurance.

It doesn’t make anything better, because there’s nothing that can, but by the time Rich wakes up after managing a couple of hours of sleep, head resting on Peter’s bare chest and the rhythmic thud of a heartbeat in his ear, he thinks he can stand on solid enough ground to take a next step.

iv.

“Let me buy you a beer” had turned into three over the past hour, with a fourth probably soon to come, and while Rich feels guilty about it on some level, Peter continues to insist. It’s returning the favor, he says, for the tip about Knowhere, which has proven to be a pretty good base for his team, some hiccups aside. And:

“You look like you need it more than I do.”

After the — week, month, six months, year? — he’s had, he can’t really find it in him to argue.

Starlin’s has most of its usual clientele this evening, the loud, violent crowd that sees at least three bar fights broken up before it’s forced to disperse. A few broken bottles fly past their table at various points through this, but they’re otherwise left alone; being a war hero commands some respect in certain ways.

“I went back,” Rich finds himself saying a time after the bar quiets down, swirling the mug in his hand absently. “To Earth, I mean. First time since everything went down.”

Peter turns in his seat, attention fully focused on him, something like concern in his eyes (both human, no cybernetics anywhere, which is still taking some getting used to). He doesn’t say anything, and Rich takes that as his cue to continue.

“It was like…” He trails off, and it takes him a moment to commit to a train of thought. “No one even cared. The universe as we know it was almost gone, and all anyone could think about was fighting among themselves. This whole damn galactic war happening right above their heads, and nothing even changed for them.”

It all has a bitter taste coming out of his mouth, more than he’d actually intended it to, but he can’t deny that now that it’s out there, he feels like a massive weight has been taken off of his chest. He feels — better, somehow.

“But.” Rich drains the rest of the contents his mug after a beat. “Home is home, you know.”

“Yeah,” Peter says, and Rich thinks it sounds a little distant. “Home is home.” He reaches a hand toward one of Rich’s, gives it a brief squeeze before letting go.

Maybe it’s the fourth beer he’s now starting, but Rich has a wild thought that right here, right now, he could feel more at home than he has anywhere in a long time.

v.

It’s so quiet that the sound of Rich’s own breathing pounds in his ears. For a reality where life has supposedly won, it seems awfully dead; visibility stretches for miles on end, and as far as he can tell, there isn’t a single sign of movement anywhere. Worldmind’s report from his helmet’s scanners chime in at the thought, but confirm what he already knew.

He peels off his helmet, because everything’s getting too stuffy. He thinks it shouldn’t surprise him that that doesn’t provide any kind of relief.

Next to him, Peter kicks the Cosmic Cube on the ground, and it clinks against an outcropping of rock.

“Thing’s dead,” he says, voice still breathless from their last seemingly never-ending encounter with the Revengers, from dying and being resurrected repeatedly. (Turns out, that kind of thing can take a toll. Who knew.) “Next time they come back, we’re gonna get our asses kicked even worse.”

Rich’s eyes drop to the ground, drift over to the Cube and stay there as something starts to occur to him. It’d had one shot, sure, and they’d already blown it, but what if a source of massive power could charge it again? What if — “Maybe not.”

He’s trapped here, probably forever; it doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out. He accepts it, too, because he’d known his choices when he’d followed Peter in here, and if he could do everything all over again, he wouldn’t change any of them. Robbie, his mom and dad, every single being on countless worlds are safe. That’s what matters.

But before that door is shut for good, he can open another. One he himself can’t walk through, because someone has to hold it; it’s the only way.

Peter deserves so much more than being stuck here in a barren wasteland, fighting and dying and coming back to life again, and again, and again. He deserves a chance to live in the universe that he’d helped to save. And Rich can give him that; it’s the least he owes him. For everything.

He bends down to gently lift the Cosmic Cube with the tips of his fingers.

“Rich — ?” It seems to dawn on Peter before he can even finish the question, and out of the corner of his eye, Rich can see Peter’s widen in horror. “Rich, wait.”

He closes his eyes and concentrates, tuning out the screams and everything else around him.

“Rich!”

Nova Force rips through his cells, and it feels almost warm.

[oursidae]

long ass rant abt bl3

just, so many spoilers under the readmore, things i thought the game did poorly and things i wish were changed

I should have expected it to be not great being that, borderlands was NEVER fantastic with its writing and character development. Ive been spoiled by tales from the borderlands tbh. I think borderlands three tho was like… fantastically underwhelming.

I had a blast with the beginning of the game up through the end of the first vault, where the excitement peetered off. 

Firstly, i wholly believe Maya was done horribly. Compare her death to say, Roland. Even if you hadn’t played BL1, you had almost the entirety of 2 to get to know him and his character and his place in the world of borderlands. Maya’s death was INCREDIBLY early in comparison. And not only that, the characters dont get to mourn aside from a few offhand voicelines. Mordecai mourned for bloodwing in a more substantial way - you get two full side quests about it. Zer0 says one offhand voiceline for maya. They were her friend goddamn it, i wanted MORE. 

ava is a good character but the fridging of maya just makes her into… what, a brat who accidentally got her killed and now has her powers? it would have been more interesting for them to develop alongside each other through the game and if maya died near the end, youd have cared a lot more about ava too. she’s just really one note right now.

Speaking of side quests, there were very few. They were sparse and honestly i dont think they added much to the plot of the game or the world.

in borderlands 2, side quests, at least in my eyes, were what forced you to explore the map. in borderlands 3 they forgo a lot of side quests in favor of the crew challenges, which were far less rewarding imo. like, build claptrap a gf with parts from dead claptraps in the world. disable COV radio towers for moxxi, kill fauna for hammerlock, people for zer0, etc, but except for zer0 and hammerlock you just get very similar voice lines in return. as well as xp. they dont add to the plot or worldbuilding or characters in any way. 

the lack of side quests i think really hurt my enjoyment of the game, because in bl2 it was the sidequests that got you to know the main cast and see that they were working behind the scenes. like brick and his slabs, moxxi asking you to sabotage opportunity, ellie and scooters more jokey side quests even!! it made them feel real with motives outside the main quest. bl3 didnt really have any of that past the first vault (i say this because lorelai gave some good sidequests.) in 3, moxxi and hammerlock only give u one side quest each. marcus (who gave u a lot on bl2) didnt give you any. he was literally just there to run the ammo shop. 

some of the more hyped characters dont really do shit. the b-team, mordecai/brick/tina dont really do…anything, they bust hammerlock out of jail, and then give you one side quest per person. thats really it. i hoped that, considering their roles in bl2 and their relationship to lilith, theyd have big roles here too. they didnt. they were truly forgettable. 

aurelia showed up to fill a villain slot and died. maybe im a sucker for redemption, but i hoped theyd had more in store for her. and they just…didnt. just like, a whole mission of wainwright calling her a harpy while hammerlock really wants to convince her to not be evil only to get fucking shot by her, like,,,,

vaughn is a joke. they did him truly dirty. his character development tanked into a “haha look at him hes strange and naked” joke. tftbl ending vaughn would NEVER. i wish theyd acknowledge the events of tales from the borderlands AT ALL. or had vaughn and rhys SPEAK TO EACH OTHER.

rhys is another thing, i rly dislike the relationship theyre pushing w him and sasha even tho sasha literally didnt show up in the game. apparently theres echo logs of him obsessing over and searching for her (i didnt find these in my own game but like, i believe it) and her picture on his desk and god DAMN it just let it rest,

BALEX was bland and so immediately misogynistic that i hated him on principle.

so then theres this character Typhon Daleon. he is the first vault hunter, but to my knowledge the only mentions of him occur in bl3. in fact, i dont think he’s mentioned in a main quest until after you kill troy and meet him in person, you only hear of him in the typhon logs which are optional. Then in the final quest you learn troy and tyreen are his kids, then he dies. i had no attachment to this character! he should have at least been built up in borderlands 2, if not in all of the previous games to get me to at least go “huh neat!” when its revealed hes alive, his kids are the villains, etc. 

tannis… they handled her being a siren poorly, my gripe isnt that i called it, its that it isnt really explained how she got her powers. i was pissed for like a good while after she reveals that she has ANGELS powers because i assumed somehow she stole or manufactured them. theres an eridian recording that KIND OF explains it, but again, those are OPTIONAL. idk if i just blanked out when she went, oh, by the way, heres why,  but to my knowledge its never explained to the player in a main or side mission, at least until you see ava get mayas powers. its infuriating.

worldbuilding wise, this is a much smaller issue, but i wish there were nonhostile fauna on the other planets. pandoras whole thing, the big meme the big laff, is that everything wants to kill u there. so it wouldve been nice to like, see some fauna thats docile. runs away from the player, is chased around by the carnivorous fauna or bandits or something. maybe a hammerlocks challenge could be to use stealth to kill a docile animal or something, it just would have been nice,

i also didnt think the ending made sense, lilith,.. punched the moon and disappeared? died? also brick and mordecai DIDNT GET TO BE THERE FOR HER OR WITH HER AT ALL. after all of bl2 where its SHOWN they’re good friends who care about each other, youd think theyd get to witness her death/disappearance. on top of that it felt like the whole game was building to something with lilith and the climax was so underwhelming. 

i just want to beat randy bitchford with a rolled up newspaper until he stops being a piece of human shit and borderlands can develop the characters and world.

the good parts of the game were…the graphics and the bossfights. the boss fights were all unique and interesting and FUN. katagawa jr, troy, the second vault monster, and tyreen were my faves in that order. hammerlock and wainwrights relationship was adorable and i liked the credits art of wainwright proposing. clay was a fun character but like all the others, didnt have development.

i also had a lot of glitches. my game would crash if i navigated menus too quickly, i had an issue with effects from shields staying on my screen even tho they should have ended, as well as a lot of glitching after cutscenes, most notably falling through the floor after the troy bossfight. a lot of my quest objectives glitched and wouldnt activate until i reloaded, which was frustrating.

i DID like the game. but i dont know if ill do a replay past promethea. i was just wishing itd be a whole game on the level of the Commander Lilith DLC.

TLDR i wouldn’t have minded the game being so lilith centric if the other characters got to matter at ALL.

[incorrigiblyhuman]

@sagaiisms replied to your post:

Gimme those sweet stats.

okay so i copied parts of what i put in response to an earlier meme, but i added a BUNCH of extra explanations and stats so HERE WE GO:

LEONARD HORATIO McCOY, VARIANT HUMAN, TWILIGHT DOMAIN CLERIC.

variant human:

extra language:  elvish, a.k.a. vulcan, which is as close as i can get to acknowledging his unique knowledge of half-vulcan half-human physiology. i’ll count it as comprehension of mannerisms, too.

ability score improvement x2:  dexterity, intelligence - he’s excellent with his hands (DEX), and a brilliant medic who has on multiple occasions come up with cures on the fly, in imperfect conditions, for never-before-seen illnesses and plagues. (INT)

additional proficiency:  intimidation, because he’s king of the curmudgeons and if you think you’re leaving sickbay before he wants you to then fuck you, you’re wrong.

feat:  war caster, because he serves on a starship that is expected to run into combat, he has to be ready and able to perform while under attack. and is, always. also, being able to use the somatic components of a spell even if holding a weapon or shield is so useful when people in sickbay keep fucking ATTACKING YOU.

twilight domain cleric:

proficiencies:  insight, medicine - medicine is obvious, insight is because the enterprise doesn’t technically have an onboard psychologist, so he frequently fills that role, and has the degree for it. also because he’s learned to read the people he sees day in and day out like the medical textbooks he studied in college, he just Knows Things.

eyes of night:  gives you darkvision with no maximum range, and allows you to give that darkvision to other people around you. okay so it’s a bit of a stretch, but i like to apply this class feature to the surgical procedure mccoy invented involving grafting neural tissue to the cerebral cortex, SPECIFICALLY because they ended up using it in st: voyager, which is like passing off the ability to see in the dark because mccoy himself saw through the dark to create that procedure years before.

vigilant blessing:  gives one creature you touch advantage on the next initiative roll. how many times has kirk been about to move only to pause because of mccoy’s warning “jim!” and then proceed again, more cautiously? that vigilance keeps his friends safe.

channel divinity : twilight sanctuary:  can refresh allies by granting temporary hit points and ending one effect that causes one to be charmed/frightened. not only is mccoy a damn doctor, but he’s also pretty DAMN good at taking the piss out of someone, or making light of a heavy situation.

ability score improvement x2:  charisma, wisdom - man is scary, charming, and sympathetic in equal measures (CHA) and he’s been around the block a few times, he knows how to handle people and he knows what he’s doing, even if he doesn’t always act diplomatically. (WIS) i chose ability score over a feat because so far he’s a DEX and INT focused build but CHA is a super important part of his personality so we can’t lose out on that, and he needs WIS to be a cleric with a decent spell save DC.

steps of the brave:  at 6th level, you get advantage on saving throws against being frightened. mccoy’s instinctual reaction to fear is to throw it back in someone’s face, outwardly he gets pissy far before he gets scared. and it’s an effective reaction, just look at the khan scene. this feat also gives you a flying speed in darkness but i don’t know what the hell to do with that except to say that he can and will come out of nowhere if he senses you’re being a dumbass on this ship.

feat:  tavern brawler + increase in strength score - how many times have he and other away team members ended up in prison/captured/stranded/under attack? so many. tavern brawler gives him proficiency with improvised weapons ( see: the mattress in “bread & circuses” ), a stronger unarmed strike ( see: his takedown of the transporter operator in “city on the edge of forever” ), and a bonus action to grapple a target when attacking with an unarmed strike/improvised weapon. ( see: restraining eleen so that she wouldn’t alert the guards when the triumvirate were trying to break out of captivity in “friday’s child.” )

divine intervention:  at 10th level, can call a deity to intervene on your behalf when your need is great. “angels and ministers of grace defend us” from st: voyage home. need i say more?

prepared spells:   CANTRIPS - GUIDANCE  -  kirk goes to him for advice a LOT. - MENDING  -  the man can sew. let him patch some shit up. - TOLL THE DEAD  -  a single “he’s dead, jim” seals your fate. - SPARE THE DYING  -  perfect for a miracle worker. - WORD OF RADIANCE  -  he’s a master of offhanded insults, i’d give him cutting word if it was an option. 1ST, 2ND, 3RD, 4TH, and 5TH LEVELS - COMMAND  -  he’s CMO, if he’s talking you’re listening. - DARKNESS  -  he can project his depression like a dark cloud i guess? this one’s always prepared for twilight clerics, idk. - DETECT EVIL AND GOOD  -  he’s got good gut feelings, like in “dagger of the mind”. - FAERIE FIRE  -  useful for picking a problem out amongst the cluster of human internal organs, and especially amongst alien internal organs. - SLEEP  -  he can knock you out with a hypospray at any moment. - INVISIBILITY  -  where’s that post like MCCOY EXISTS YOU ASSHOLES. that. it’s a triumvirate goddammit. - SPIRITUAL WEAPON  -  hypospray. that’s it. - AURA OF VITALITY  -  tell me you don’t just light up seeing him bounce on his toes. he brings vigor to the room and joy to the heart. - BEACON OF HOPE  -  “my god bones. what have i done?”  “what you had to do. what you always do: turn death into a fighting chance to live.” - CREATE FOOD AND WATER  -  he can pull alcohol out of his ass. - FEIGN DEATH  -  amok time. that’s it. - LEOMUND’S TINY HUT  -  another one that’s always prepared for this class. he just makes any place feel like home, i guess. also ‘leomund’ looks like ‘leonard’. - REVIVIFY  -  i mean it’s a staple for any cleric, but also he’s a miracle worker who will bring you back to life no matter what. - AURA OF LIFE  -  it’s like what he gave everyone in “wolf in the fold” to keep them from succumbing to the killing terror of the jack the ripper spirit. - FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT  -  he’s a healer, so i imagine he’s pretty free to do whatever the hell he wants by the laws of most societies. especially if there’s a chance he can help someone. likewise, he can grant it to others by just saying ‘doctor’s orders’. - GREATER INVISIBILITY  -  MCCOY EXISTS YOU ASSHOLES!! but the movies version. - CIRCLE OF POWER  -  this is just a metaphor for vaccines. he can grant everyone advantage on saving throws. - CONTAGION  -  this is the “mirror mirror” nod, the acknowledgement of that potential for darkness should it need to shine through. you think he’s not capable of weaponizing his medicine when pressed? try him. try mirror leonard horatio mccoy. it’ll be the last thing you ever do. - DREAM  -  this is just a nod to the dreams of the raven novel tbh, he can affect ya dreams. - GEAS  -  if you’re nearby and he needs an extra set of hands, you’re an orderly now, period. likewise, if you’re fucking around in his space, all he needs to do is give you The Eyebrow and you will immediately stop. - LEGEND LORE  -  campfire stories baybee! he’s got ‘em! also a thousand and one stories about some great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great someone or other.

i only went up to level 10 stats for the time being because look at how damn long this got already agshdjk but IN SUMMARY!

twilight domain is TECHNICALLY unearthed arcana and untested, so it’s not “legit” yet, but the description of it fits mccoy to a T:

“the twilight domain governs the transition and blending of light into darkness. it is a time of rest and comfort, but also the threshold between safety and the unknown. clerics who serve these deities tend to be brave, delving into the dark to hold its dangers at bay and to bring comfort to those lost far from the light.” 

like what could possibly better suit a space-traveling, bullheaded doctor who joined starfleet after losing everything?

[alkhale]

hi! idk if youre still doing requests (please ignore this if you're not!) but would you be willing to write something about hawks trying to win over/court an omega who is really prickly/rough around the edges/hates being an omega? thank you very much! im sorry if you arent open for requests!

OFC YOU CAN HAVE AN ALPHA! HAWKS HERE YA GO

Another ko-fi request! This was a blast to write so ty for the prompt

No Need (Alpha!Hawks x Omega!Reader)

“What the heck is that?”

In hindsight, for a man who prided himself on always trying to look at things from a bird’s eye view, he probably should’ve foreseen what would happen after.

But Hawks was twenty-two and tired, so cut him some slack.

To his credit, you don’t look annoyed or offended. There’s a slight twitch to your brow, a faint downwards curve of your lip. You don’t look up from where you’ve been doing your paperwork, filing away his latest mission reports. “Papers.”

Hawks thumbed the cup of coffee in his left hand. He shifted on his feet and then thumbed the other cup in his right hand. He’d gotten two, one for you and one for him as your usual routine called for. You were always sliding time out for him to bring him something and it was only right he do the same for you–strictly as a kind boss and a good worker (which is what he would say to you until you gave him the signal that he could say otherwise). He’d even gotten the cream right this time, just the way you liked that always made you smile that kinda small, goofy and cute smile that made some more primal part of him pleased that he was doing something right.

He’d said once as an offhanded joke to test the waters that it was an alpha’s job after all to take care of his “pack.” You, despite being a beta, had refused the coffee if that was the case and told him he should’ve gone with flock instead.

Second genders are strictly secondary. He swallowed, a breezy grin curling over his lips as he arched one of his brows and tipped his head to the side. His wings shifted against his back, ruffling uncertainly because, well, yeah that had been the idea but now…

It didn’t look comfortable, for sure. Sleek, black, and sturdy. It curved around your neck and protected all the sensitive spots any typical omega would need to look out for when it came to unwanted advances. Forced marking could be considered a crime under certain circumstance, and the popularity in such protective collars had skyrocketed with recent realization that sometimes matters had to be taken into your own hands.

The collar clipped neatly around your neck, complete with a small silver flower to make the whole thing seem a little cuter than it actually was. Hawks’ brain was currently trying to reroute itself and arrive back on track because the biggest problem here was–

“You’re an omega?” Hawks swallowed.

The coffees in his hands suddenly felt like dead weight. There was a urging in the back of his mind to take this information with him and fly as fucking far with it as he could because–yes, yes, yes. He wanted you–beta, omega, hell, he’d find some way to work with it if you were an alpha too just…you. This sudden realization suddenly had his instincts shifting to attention and as annoying as the damn things were half the time, in his opinion, he felt strangely in line with them today as he stared, watching your face avidly and eyes dipping down to your wrists and then back to your protected neck.

He wanted to hold you, touch you, contact, contact, contact.

Right there. His mind urged. Right there. Right there. Make it happen. You can do this.

Your face went tense for a moment. Brows creased and you stopped writing at his question. Hawks’ mind quickly backpedaled and he racked his entire brain for a semblance of charm and persuasion to have you seeing him as much more than just a boss (maybe in the bedroom) and as someone who could potentially be your mate.

He justed wanted to make you happy.

“Well, it’s just that,” Hawks continued easily, setting the coffee down gently on your desk so he could free one hand. “I always thought you might’ve been a beta.”

Your face slackened a bit at that. So you don’t like being an omega. Your pen tapped against the paper, looking thoughtful and Hawks added, “Or an alpha to be honest.”

Your eyes flickered up to him, wide and searching and curious. God, I love those eyes. His wings shifted against his back, itching to curl around you on instinct to make this a private conversation between two. “You’re always taking such good care of me, you know? Getting things done, always on top of stuff… There’s no way I’d make it this far without you.”

“You’re too much,” you huffed. But there was a pleased little smile tugging at your lips and you hummed, pulling his coffee closer to you. Hawks felt his chest swell in pride and he leaned further on your desk, brushing the edge of his wing teasingly against the wood. “It’s just my job, you dork.”

“C’mon, I notice a lot more than you think I do,” Hawks protested. He casually dragged a finger against the smooth surface of your desk, drumming his fingers. “A lot, actually.”

You hummed in response, tipping the hot liquid towards your lips. Hawks reached upwards, fingers reaching past your cheek and you went rigid for a moment. He saw your nose twitch, your eyes flicker and he consciously urged his sent, his aura towards to just teasingly so. You were a special case, one that required a tactful approach and he’d do no less with you. His sent flooded your senses and he watched you throat bob as you swallowed thickly, bringing the coffee closer to your nose and his fingers tapped the hard metal of the collar.

Hawks frowned at the sound, tilting his head. “So what brought this on?”

If you felt the least bit threatened–he would step in. There was no way he’d allow you to feel such doubts and fear when he could do anything about. He was the number two hero for God’s sake–he could do this much for you at least.

You looked prettier without it anyways.

An image of his lips on you skin flashed through his mind and Hawks smiled, just short of starving.

You frowned, reaching up and brushing his hand aside as you touched your own collar. An angry scowl marred your lips and you scoffed. “Some asshole got a little too aggressive at the train station. Think just because my heat’s coming I’m an easy fix? What a load of crap.”

Hawks took two important bits of information from that sentence. Filing one away for his own personal use, he latched onto the other, “You filed a report, didn’t you?”

His wings fluffed out, making him look twice his size. “Accurate descriptions. I’ll find him myself and make sure he doesn’t do a single thing again. I can’t have my cute secretary being bothered on her way home from work.”

“Thanks, hero,” you grinned, shaking your head. “They took him in for questioning. It’s fine, I can take care of myself.” You flashed him a sharper look and he held up his hands placatingly, setting them back down closer to yours. “Just… felt like I should put this on for good measure is all.”

You sneered at the desk, “Since it’s so hard for people to resist an omega in heat. Jerks don’t even think that it’s their fault, always ours.”

Hawks made a mental note to look into the case anyway and see to it personally. His wings drooped a bit, an easy task to make himself appear at ease and inviting. He pushed out with a soothing scent, urging you to relax yourself and he hummed lowly in his throat when he saw your shoulders slacken a bit and your eyes fluttered shut as you inhaled.

“People only see omegas when they want to see them,” you murmured, eyes fluttering open and he watched as you subconsciously reached out with a finger and he curved one wing around for you. Your index finger dragged against one of his contour feathers and Hawks’ low noise of approval increased, bordering a purr. You sighed, his scent curling thickly around the two of you like a protective blanket.

And to the employees skidding to a halt outside your door, a warning.

“That’s all we are,” you scowled. “Nothing more.”

A thoughtful look flickered over your features and you set your coffee down. “You know, you smell oddly good today. Kinda like–”

“I see you.”

You stopped. Your eyes blinked, wide and confused and traveled up to meet his gaze. Hawks reached up, bringing his visor down to hang around his neck. Those sharp eyes pinned you into place and you felt a chill you hadn’t felt in a long time run down your spine. Your throat closed up, senses flaring and you suddenly felt nothing more than a field mouse parting ferns beneath the watchful eyes of something far above you.

Predator.

Though his eyes were sharp, they burned. You felt a flare of warmth along your cheeks and Hawks smiled. A boyish, easy smile that curved against his roguish features. “I see ya.”

Walls rose up and you reminded yourself of the tightness of your collar. “Yeah, yeah, I get it–”

“So let me walk you home from now on,” Hawks said smoothly. Your lost your voice, words tumbling over your lips as you stared and he smiled. “Okay?”

“I can take care–”

“Not to take care of you,” Hawks shook his head, hand settling atop yours when did that get there and his fingers brushed against your wrist, “to keep me company. I’ve been missing you.”

“But–”

“And from now on,” his other hand had already set down the second coffee. You were still, lost in those swirling, engulfing eyes as his fingers curved around your collar. They brushed below your chin, tilting your head just a bit to the side and Hawks’ lips curved into a sharper grin.

Hungry.

You felt the collar loosen and a soft click resounded through your office. The weight of your collar slipped from your neck and onto the floor with a quiet thud. Hawks dragged a finger along the thin column of your neck and his scent washed over you, comforting, sweet, powerful and your normally witty and quipped remarks died on your tongue as his wings fanned out and curved over both of you.

Hawks leaned forward and the sun turned his eyes molten.

“You won’t need that anymore.”

- i was gonna make reader a little more catty but c’mon, he brought you coffee

[vagrantblvrd]

you mentioned an angstier version of your selkie au before. i'd love to see what you meant by that

!!! Okay, so.

I did some ~research into selkie lore while I was writing the first two chapters of The Manner of Things (...which I will get back to One Day, I swear) and came across this whole Thing about male selkies I’d never heard about before?

SO. The ~angsty version was going to be a play on that where Ryan had swung a favor or just me bending the rules a bit where Ryan was able to take on his human form for seven days every seven years. (Because handwavy plots reasons.)

In that time the main fic happens – Michael meets this idiot and doesn’t realize he’s a selkie and there are shenanigans in which Michael ~falls in love and vice versa. More shenanigans in which Adventure happens – typical FAHC AU shooty-shoots and car chases and other close calls and y’know, life-affirming kissing. (Gavin and Jeremy being giving Michael and Ryan shit/being suspicious of this asshole flirting with their BFF, that kind of thing.)

But then!

Ryan’s human!time is up and he has to leave and Michael is like “Wait, what?” because he was just starting to tolerate the asshole, really, and NOT feeling like his heart is being ripped in two and suchlike.

Ryan’s like, the first time in his life he regrets having to leave (idk, maybe he’s super Old or had some ~youthful indiscretions before Michael, I hadn’t quite figured it out.) and he gives him something to remember him by.

It’s kind of. He doesn’t tell Michael he’s got a Plan in case things don’t pan out, but he has a Plan. (Sea witches or regular witches, or something where he can take on his human form whenever, because handwavy plot reasons, idk.)

Jeremy is well aware Ryan has a Plan and keeps quiet because it’s risky and all that and goddamn Ryan’s an idiot, but he’s never seen him like this over anyone and he likes Michael and all that.

So, you know. Battle Buddies or whatever.

And then!

Michael doesn’t turn into a grieving widower after Ryan...leaves.

No, he just turns into a sad sack of shit who makes the mistake of letting Gavin call the shots for a while because he can’t be bothered to give a fuck. (Trusts Gavin not to get them into shit they can’t handle because he’s not that stupid.)

Oh, Michael makes a decent showing of being a functional human being for a while there. Takes jobs of his own and puts any fuckers looking to challenge his new-found reputation or give Gavin grief he doesn’t deserve, but other than that?

Cannot be fucking bothered.

And to Gavin’s credit, he does a stellar job of handling the rest for the two of them.

Picks and chooses the jobs they take on so they climb the ladder bit by bit until they get caught up in a mess not of their making.

Some assholes making a power grab and the two of them caught in the middle, meant to be scapegoats and they need to get out of Los Santos for a while.

So.

“You know, Michael,” Gavin says, bag of frozen peas doing fuck all as he holds it to the black eye he’s sure to have by now. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen Dan. Care to come with me?”

Like it’s any kind of question, and Michael’s heard a lot about Gavin’s Dan, so.

They go all the way to England while they want for things to cool down in Los Santos. (Michael gets the feeling Gavin’s got ulterior motives about heading there that has a lot to do with Michael’s sad sack life at the time, but he doesn’t bring it up and neither does Gavin.)

And anyway, anyway, Gavin’s been in the US for a while now, fucker deserves this.

Michael get to meet Dan and is honestly a little surprised to discover the asshole is exactly what he pictured whenever Gavin brought him up, told stories about him and the shit the two of them used to get into.

Big, lovable goofball with a startling love of explosives and the proper application of same, and Gavin laughs himself sick while Michael and Dan bond over this shared interest.

Dan is thrilled to teach Michael all about the shit he learned in the military, big boyish grin of delight when they go to some empty field or quarry to test something out. Helps pull Michael out of the funk he’s been in, laughing and giddy with excitement when the local authorities ccomes to check things out and they run the hell away like dumb kids.

Michael feels a little self-conscious when he shares the shit he picked up mostly through trial and error,   self-taught and all that, but Dan is just. He doesn’t judge Michael, even as he offers up a better way of doing a thing every so often, one that won’t (literally) blow up in Michael’s face if he gets the math wrong or whatever, and Michael relaxes when he realizes Dan isn’t like the assholes who taught Michael a few things about their ~craft way back in the day and they get along even better after that to Gavin’s satisfaction.

They’re staying at an old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, something, something, something, belonged to Dan’s grandparents before they handed it over to him and moved to the city or somewhere that would be less work for them.

A fair amount of land to stretch out in, no neighbors close enough to worry about (most of) the commotion they’re making out there. (Gavin picking up sniping again - “It was a bit of a hobby,” he says, damn near hitting the center of the targets every fucking time. “Reckon it might come in handy one day.”Michael shrugs and takes his turn. Not as good as Gavin or Dan, but he gets better. Figures Gavin’s got a point about it coming in handy even if he is pretty shit at it. (He’s not, really, and both Gavin and Dan tell him so but he just shrugs it off so they let it go for the moment.)

Michael spends a lot of nights up on the roof of the farmhouse when he can’t sleep, gets used to the sight of Gavin or Dan or both of them climbing up there to join him. Sometimes they’ll bring a case of beer up with them and they’ll just.

Sit up there on the roof far enough away from all their troubles for them to matter, the sky spread out above them and enjoy the chance to not think for a little bit.

Eventually Dan heads out on a job, first sign their little vacation is winding down. (It’s been months, of course it is.)

Gavin gets the two of them a car, tells Michael it’s high time for a road trip and whatever else bullshit is  bouncing around in that head of his.

It’s a shitty little car that shudders alarmingly when they go over fifty and runs out of gas on them twice before they hit the ocean. This lonely strip of water on an empty beach, rocks and ocean spray and this tight feeling in Michael’s chest he doesn’t want to give name to.

Gavin putters about the little shack he rented for them, leaves Michael alone when he goes for a walks along the beach at sunrise and again as the sun’s setting. (Like some grieving widow from a Victorian romance novel waiting for her husband to return from the sea, and Michael hates that he does it, thinking about it like that, but doesn’t know how else he should think about it.)

Gavin never says a goddamned word about it, doesn’t raise an eyebrow when Michael comes back to their shack – it’s really more of a cottage, all nice and quaint and darling – after one his walks.

Sometimes he feels lighter after them, sometimes he’s dark and broody like a storm brewing off the coast.

And Gavin, alright.

Gavin just looks up from his laptop – keeping in touch with Dan, the million and one contacts he seems to have every-fucking-where or playing fucking Minesweeper, who the hell knows – and smiles at Michael.

Asks him what he wants to eat, like he’s going to cook anything himself.

Gavin’s not terrible in the kitchen, but he just kind of puts whatever together, and Michael knows, okay. Knows part of the reason Gavin asks is to annoy Michael into cooking for them, or at least supervise Gavin in the whole cooking endeavor so they don’t just have cold beans for dinner. (Again.)

(Sometimes dinner turns out inedible, sometimes Gavin can’t be bothered and canned beans are hard to fuck up unless you really try.)

Whatever.

Gavin offers to cook and he either makes them something halfway decent, or just the thought of it riles Michael up enough to do the cooking for them or have Gavin act as his assistant.

The rest of the time Gavin’s content to let Michael do his own thing, figure out his life on his own while he’s just.

Around.

Makes friends with the cats that run around – there are boats out here, fishermen and whatever else and cats seem to go along with that. (Michael loses track of how many cats Gavin befriends because there always seems to be a different one.)

He listens when Michael opens up a little, sits there with one of the dumb cats and listens without judging him. Chimes in with a word or two there, some dumb little joke or something quiet and heartfelt that chokes Michael up. Has him reaching out to pet the idiot cat rubbing up against his calf because he doesn’t have words to respond just yet.

They stay there in that little cottage for a while longer, until Michael gets his shit sorted out, finds his words.

He still goes for his walks, but they feel different, that heartache easing up with each one. Still there, but he can breathe around it now, thinks he’ll be okay. (Seven years, right? He can do that.)

Gavin gets word that things have settled down in Los Santos and mentions it to Michael, offhand little comment over dinner one night.

Doesn’t want to push, since Michael seems to be doing better, but Michael insisted he tell him whenever that happened when they set out on this vacation of their.

Michael thinks about it for a bit, goes out for one of his walks and stares out at the ocean for a long, long time.

“Yeah, okay,” he says, when heads back to the cottage. “It’s about time we went back.”

So they head back to Los Santos – stop in to say goodbye to Dan who’s back from his job first, though. (Have one hell of a sendoff the night before, because Dan got his hands on some grade A explosives and Michael is in heaven.)

When they get back to Los Santos Michael goes looking for his own jobs again, and Gavin goes back to being the piece of shit he loves to be. (To be fair, he never actually stopped, just. Something.)

A few months after they re-establish themselves in Los Santos an old friend of Gavin’s comes to town.

This asshole with a ridiculous mustache and this look in his eye that spells trouble – more so when he hires both of them for what has to the most goddamn ridiculous heist anyone’s ever thought of.

Twirls that mustache of his like an old-timey villain as he tells them he’s got beef with the Corpirate, came all the way to Los Santos to end it. (Brought his buddy Jack with him to boot.)Geoff tells them the Corpirate will never know what hit him, and given the absurd plan he lets them in on, he’s absolutely right.

Geoff does some recruiting, gets Ray on board and sweet-talks some lower level Roosters into moving out to Los Santos and it’s an ugly, messy affair, but by the end of it the Corpirate’s dead and they’re divvying up the loot they grabbed in the aftermath.

Michael’s checking out Geoff’s shiny new penthouse when Gavin calls him over.

The table he’s sitting at is covered in files and the like, Gavin’s old laptop whirring away as it does...something, Michael doesn’t know.

Michael’s instantly suspicious because Gavin has this look on his face like he’s expecting to get yelled at for something or other.

And Gavin, okay.

Slides this glossy glamour shot of an ocean front house. Big beautiful thing, classy as hell, and Michael thinks he recognizes the area. Somewhere outside Los Santos just off the coastal highway, maybe?

Gotta be worth a few million for the land alone, and Michael listens as Gavin launches into spiel like he’s trying to sell Michael on the place.

No need to worry about property tax with Gavin and Matt around, and anything else would more than be covered by Michael’s cut, not to mention all the godawful “art pieces” around the place he could sell off if he wanted. The cars in the garage that aren’t quite Michael’s taste but go with the beachside property and Gavin is really, really working hard to sell Michael on the place.

“Geoff gave us first pick,” Gavin says as he winds down on his sales pitch, nervous, twitchy little smile like he’s not sure if Michael’s going to be mad at him for meddling or whatever. “Figured you might be interested in this one?”

Michael’s hit with a sudden swell of affection for Gavin, this little idiot who waited until it was the two of  them in the penthouse to show him this.

“Yeah?” he asks and sits down and tugs the folder about the beach house closer and flips through it, flashing Gavin a smile that has the moron smiling back.

Michael’s not really processing the information in the file, a rundown of the property and amenities and the like, his attention keeps being drawn back to the photos included in the file. The glamour shot Gavin first showed him.

The house is on a gorgeous stretch of private beach. Remote enough he won’t have to worry about nosy neighbors. Fair distance from Los Santos, but they’re all set up for life after taking the Corpirate down and even though Geoff hinted at future heists, they’re a ways down the road.

And...if Michael's being honest with himself he’s tired of fighting to stay afloat in Los Santos. Tired of taking shitty jobs and working for assholes to get by, doesn’t feel that itch to prove himself the way he used to.Thinks it would be nice to just. To just be for a little while (Knows if he does get restless, Gavin will always have something for them to do.)

“Michael?”

Michael looks up, feeling too fucking vulnerable by far, but this is Gavin, and he’s always been safe.

“You sure you’re not interested in this place?” he asks, tries to make it a joke, but there’s too much want in him to pull it off effectively.

And Gavin, brash, reckless idiot Gavin laughs, this quiet little thing as he does something on his laptop.

“No,” he says, warm and fond. “Too peaceful for my tastes.”

Michael snorts, because he can see another glamour shot of some property by Gavin’s elbow. Shiny building down by Del Perro Pier and a little closer to Gavin’s speed than a remote beach house.

Looks back at the files in front of him, that stupid glamour shot and tries not to smile like an idiot as he pictures living there like it’s just that easy.

Hears the shutter sound of Gavin’s phone as the idiot snaps a picture of him and knows he failed on the not looking like an idiot part.

No worry though, because Gavin lets out this little yelp and laughs like an idiot when Michael tackles him trying to wrestle his phone away, and it’s good, it’s all good.

========

Geoff thinks Michael has a thing for the ocean and all things nautical when he finds out Michael claimed the beach house, and Michael doesn’t have the heart to tell him the reason behind his choice. (Guy just gets so excited they’ve got something in common that isn’t crime-related and he’d hate to break his heat. Plus, he’s not entirely wrong.)

Goes along with it when Geoff invites him out on the Corpirate’s old yacht to share stories and shit. Offers to teach Michael how to sail – the Corpirate left behind a lot of shit for them to claim, and the guy loves his boats and ships and whatever the fuck else.

Michael doesn’t quite have the knack for sailing, but Geoff’s patient and a decent teacher and with the way the guy plans heists there’s no knowing when all that information might come in handy. (And you know. He likes Geoff, doesn’t mind the chance to have some one-on-one time with his boss/friend.)

After he gets settled into the beach house he invites the others out for barbecues and other shindigs every so often. Nurses a beer while Geoff commandeers the grill as Jack fondly heckles him.

Chases that idiot Gavin along the beach and does his best to dodge after the fucker kicks water at Michael when he catches him staring out at the ocean a little long.

They get caught up in shoving matches. Try to dunk each other, dragging themselves up on the sand laughing like idiots and the last of the weight pressing down on Michael's chest left behind somewhere along the way.

Some time later Geoff announces another heist he has planned. Some bastard who gave the Roosters a run for their money back in the day with a grudge against Geoff. (Common theme that must have something to do with Geoff’s sparkling personality.)

Tells them he’s bringing in some hired muscle for it because they were spread too thin when they tackled the Corpirate and he’d rather they not have (quite so many) close calls this time around.

Michael doesn’t really think much of the whole hired muscle thing at the time, at least until the day he walks into the penthouse and Gavin is beside himself with nerves. Stupid fucking sunglasses on his face and this grin fighting to get out like he can’t decide if he wants to run and hide or fucking who knows anymore?

So, you know.

Michael’s understandably wary when he heads into the conference room since Geoff called him there to go over things for the heist and sees why Gavin’s freaking out.

“Oh, Michael,” Geoff says, little furrow between his eyes as he looks up from the conversation he’s having with one of the hired guns. “You’re early.”

Michael shrugs, attention all for the asshole in the skull mask and his buddy in eye-searing colors.

Pair of goddamn clowns, really.

“Gav said it was urgent,” he says, which is paraphrasing things a bit since Gavin’s text was a string of incomprehensible gibberish and a smiley face emoji tacked on for whatever reason.

Geoff nods like yes, okay, perfectly understandable, and Michael -

Michael stands still as the asshole in the mask and his brightly colored buddy go off to handle whatever  job Geoff has for them. (Heart doing fucking somersaults in his chest when the guy slants a look at him in passing, this slight hesitation before he leaves the room.)

“Michael?” Geoff asks warily, because yeah, yeah.

The fucking Vagabond and Rimmy Tim are back in town and are apparently working for the Fakes, no big deal.

========

The job Geoff has for Michael dovetails nicely into the job he sent the Vagabond and Rimmy Tim on and they end up down by the docks again.

Also, shot goes wrong in spectacular ways because not only is this Los Santos, but they’re all part of the Fake AH Crew by now and it’s almost a requirement.“Oh, hey,” Michael says, dragging Ryan out of the water, heart in his throat as the idiot pulls his mask off. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Ryan grins up at him, the lines of his face paint starting to smudge, but something about it seems less angry than what Michael remembers, and maybe that means something.

“Hi, Michael.”

========

There’s a wooden pier on Michael’s property that goes out over the water and a perfect place to bask in the sun on a lazy day. Watch Ryan swim around, sleek form darting beneath the waves and playing peekaboo with curious dolphins and other sea life.

Fucker always, always has to be an asshole when he gets close to the pier and splash Michael, weird little laugh as he ducks under the water to avoid retaliation. When he pulls himself out of the water onto the pier next to Michael and shakes off excess water and he trades his seal form for his human one and lays down next to Michael.

“Hey, Michael,” Ryan says, soft and fond, sweet as anything and Michael’s heart too full for his chest as he leans over him for a kiss.

========

(Later on Ryan explains what the hell he was doing all this time – not quite seven years since they saw each other last, so Michael’s still having a little trouble processing the fact Ryan’s here and you know, human. (Looking.)Tells him all about (okay, mostly about because there are some details Michael’s better off not knowing, a few he can’t share with humans or there will be trouble, that kind of thing) his Quest to be able to take on his human form when he wants to.Bargains made, deals struck, that kind of thing. Tasks he was given to prove how serious he was about the whole deal because wow, not an easy thing to undertake? But he did it. Jeremy wasn’t there for all of it, but he knows how hard Ryan worked for it. Tells Michael he better fucking appreciate it like a good Battle Buddy, because someone has to make sure he knows and it sure hell won’t be lovesick idiot Ryan. And Michael is like. He gets it, and appreciates what Ryan did and Jeremy for sticking by him and it’s just. A lot, okay.And then you know, the Battle Buddies join the crew full time and it’s all chaotic shenanigans all over the place and all that.)