#but I just get overwhelmed SO easily recently I literally cannot cope | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

d3monslust · 4 years ago

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𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 - 𝐀.𝐃.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Only setting up traps for them , Andy didn't see any of this coming

𝐖𝐂 : 3,151

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: pregnancy, mentions of miscarriage & abusive relationships , cheating , manipulation , violence

𝐀/𝐍 : tumblr deleted the original and I thought for couple of minutes I haven’t backed it up to the point I had a panic attack :) also I worked really hard for this , any kind of interaction is appreciated!!

////////////////June 7th 2020\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

Every story has a happy ending , where the villain gets defeated and the heroes win , but in eden , no one could recognize the corruption and the decent. Everyone hid their darkest and filthiest desires deep down inside them , in their abyss of their souls . Andy knew that , from first hand . He was still getting to know the place , the idle juveniles laying in the sandy beaches , the laughs of the middle aged men echoing through the thickness of the trees’ leaves . A literal paradise ... with no God .

Dolan had promised his wife to keep her safe, and eventually after his decadence , he was more fazed than anything . Their inseparable form could be made out from kilometers ago, their vivid and full of life auras leaving hints of sunshine from time to time . Winning the couple of the year and being stunned was not in their plans but the did not dodge it . Until Dolan started venturing at inexcusable bars , reciprocal pink lipstick decorating one side of his neck while he reclined next to his bond , mumbling about his ambiguous accomplishments. He had her to the point , Mariah felt overwhelmed. The weight of his nifty assets , the gravitas of his clumsy , yet anticipated acts made her scream and wince .

But Mariah David Dolan , did not intend on giving up so easily , only because her husband was demonstrating his incompetent self . Haphazardly, or not , the female found herself at Sherlock’s , who fasty evaluated and corrupted all of her nasty problems . Taken the right measurements, Mariah decided to treat themselves to a dinner , the brunette averting his gaze back from his laptop to his wife. “Did something happen ?” Mariah never cooked , even at special , “crowded” occasions , she wouldn’t lay a finger at the metallic kitchenware . “No . I just though about all the work you’re recently hooked with. A nice dinner with your wife would help you blow off some steam” smirking at the fit of the last words, she left Dolan alone, drowning in his intellectually safe thoughts.

The capriciousness of the vexing atmosphere made the couple exchange some absurd looks. With Andy being the always tired one, sexual intercourse was lost long ago . “Something you would like to say ?” “No .” She went for a debate , any sort of the key for relationships , communication. If that clink unraveled , there would be no sweet salvation for the married couple . “Well , I want to say something.” Andy whispered a silent “go on” as one of their housekeepers wiped off him some of the pasta’s sauce . “I’m pregnant .” the brunette almost choked at the hear , she couldn’t be . “What ?” voice so small , the trait of vulnerability showing .

The fraction made his stomach toss and turn with anticipation, his dreams for the unknown slowly falling apart . “I’m pregnant on the 3rd month .” eyes infested with fury , the blue like sea color dissipated. “And when were you planning on telling me , hm ? When the waters would broke ? Or when the bump would start to show ? Or when you couldn’t fucking miscarriage?” his excessive, painful words ventured to withhold her insurmountable fury . Unceremoniously, his unbeatable character almost took back his sharp words , the marvel Mariah always waited for could intervene their scold and corrupt his grudge . Albeit she had cried and prayed for that baby to come , her husband didn’t yearn it .

“Did you talk to the gynecologist? Can you ?” he stated chastely , reclining his tensed back to the chair . Who could envision Andy Dolan with a child ? The reluctance became vexing , the tension had to be dwindled if she wanted to keep that inexcusable -for him- child . “Yes . We ... discussed and he said that I cannot ... get rid of it .” her unconvincingly words passed from the one ear to the other . He abruptly threw his crystal glass at the respective wall , agitating the woman to run to clean the mess . The hot , ambiguous tears wetting her cheeks . “Cant you just love me ?” she mumbled , her fasty movements elicited a cut from the sharp glass . She hissed at the pain , she wanted to resemble the perfect , sincere , housewife Andy pleased . To conquer the theme , so as to stand next to him with all her lucid pride while clutching his right hand .

And the things became even worse , chaos consuming the island , darkness drowning the residents . But the worst was Andy’s behavior shift . The unintelligible man faltered and his intriguing about his serene family faded , woefully leaving only his malice and possession . Fighting with his own demons , his rigid and virile facade came and ended up resented . The 24-hour absence of the paternal figure made the child cope with egregious insults and quarrels . Curling up in her little bed , her hands covering the ears as not to listen his beloved parents . Was her the reason they fought every night ? And as the family withered , Andy prepared to hit with sweet and sour vengeance .

“Please ...” the woman begged , the tears blocking her already blurry vision . Fatigue in her system degenerating, she tried to refrain this , but Dolan’s wrath could not be avoided . “Please what , hm ? You had a fucking debt ! Look after that damned child . And I swear to god Mariah ^ if something had happened to my daughter!” he scolded . “Oh come on ! Stop acting like you care ! You never did ... you never cared about your family .” His intimidating methods would usually work , and if not he would try for the vicious skin-to-skin contact . Slapping her and looking her terribly weak silhouette, squirming and crying under him . She remained frigid , not wanting to get that answer , Mariah ran to the basement , advancing around the marble halls like a lost puppy . Andy rubbed his stressed temple , waiting for his own kind of wonder to come and take him from this type of hell . The paradise where demons are hidden .

Andy never wanted to become one of them. That vicious, hungry, creatures . Demons . The olds said that if somebody approached the North river he would see a little red creature . A graceful , gorgeous demon . That was bullshit , demons didn't exist , his friend Michael had told him , that poor man - he had taken the subject of claiming to be the Antichrist of the end times too thick . He ended up at an asylum - good man , sick brain . “What are you thinking ?” . God , or whoever , heard him sent him his guardian angel . The nifty woman was everything he wished for . A real living angel . And that chaste, naive flirt shifted into this; whatever that was.

“Nothing to be honest . But let’s not talk about me , hmmm ?” the girl nodded heartily . Y/N had found her person , the one she could trust and never receive betrayal , the one she could cry at and talk about her insurmountable problems . Their meeting was casual - one , two drinks exchanged , some additional winks and the saccharine act of sex to help Y/N realize her feelings. When she was with him , the blithe and sybarite feeling would bloom inside her , becoming as beautiful as a sanguine rose . She chuckled at his works , could describe him as selfless ? No . But to her ... yes . Her despondent self hid his abusive and possessive persona . For her eyes and only , Andy Dolan was a god , innocent and perfect . “I wanted to ask about ... the divorce ? When are you two signing it ?” he had to be astute and answer handily . But they answer was always the same “Oh sweetheart, don’t worry . Mariah is a bit pertinacious but I’ll persuade her , okay ?” and she would fall at the trap , again .

“You’re always answering the same !” maybe today she would revolt and fortunately leave the poisonous love of Andy’s . His eyes shone dangerously, he didn’t want to do this . “Y/N’s not like Mariah” he would remind himself , but the poor girl was sticking her nose almost everywhere . “Aren’t you pleased , hm ? I took you from that fucking clinic , I helped you withdraw and this is your thank you ? I’m disappointed in you , Y/N .” his esoteric character on sight again . His cogent and invidious words caused the sentient girl spill the salty water . The male disdaining to help or comfort . “You deserve this anyway .” she stumbled back , her apprehension increasing whilst seeing him standing up from the bed . That absurdity had to stop , but he had saved her and it was her time now .

As Andy returned home , and the futile try to persuade his wife about the divorce exhausted him , he found himself at his daughter’s room . Observing her sincere and innocent moves . “Daddy ?” “Yes , Baby ?” his far-fetched sweet talk made the two smile in sync . The blonde’s smile making daddy crack . “Can I tell you something?” Andy nodded , hoping the child wouldn’t have read any of his recreational messages . “Mommy told me the reason she doesn’t want you two to break up !” his eyes lit up at her appendix . Perhaps it was the money or the child but anyway - Andy had to know . “What’s that ?” patting his lap for the girl to sit , Hera made herself comfortable at the warmth of his legs . “She said that she won’t let you fool around with every individual who has two holess.” “She said what ?!?!” “Yes , yes but what did she mean when she said “every individual with two holes .” ?” “Not now , Hera .” he quickly placed the kid down , as she sulked at her daddy’s extraordinary behavior.

By the time Andy stated the predicament , Mariah had ruminated on her terms . She should have said this , fuck she really shouldn’t . Her dull and attention-seeking words pushed her husband’s last buttons . “Are you fucking braindead ? What was that you said to my daughter ?!” she knew where that debate would end up . Condescendingly , she wrapped her arms around his neck . Her touch-starved grating amusing his carnal urges . Not wanting to dwell on the situation , Andy let it happen . Her amorous posture , the well-med hair , how didn’t he feel it coming ? Her hands traveling at his shirt’s buttons while Andy’s fingers went for her top . Discarded clothing were soon decorating the floor of their kitchen . His greed for more would eat him up one day . And he waited - patiently and calmly for that day . Her tenuous dominance caused waking up his boredom. But his prurient mind , thought otherwise.

She licked his upper lip , Andy letting her tongue slip into his mouth . The sloppy kiss turning into something more passionate, more loving . “I’ve missed this .” she mumbled in between breaths , making a smirk plaster on Dolan’s face . “I’ve missed you .” he hushed her by kissing her , the loving , lingering kiss making butterflies fly in her stomach . “Andy ?” he groaned at the call , not wanting to eye roll , he approved the question and motivated to go on . “Do you love me ?” “Yes. Only you . And no one else . I know things are hard right now but I’ll make it up to you.”

Bare bodies tangled . Two bodies in one . His hips snapped viciously at hers , hand grabbing a harmful fist of hair . Abruptly pulling it back , making Mariah hiss at the sudden contact of pain . The persona she would only see , not even Y/N , the sadistic one . Her head touching his sweaty torso , the tears in her eyes strengthening his stamina . The coil in her stomach tightened and as the loved noticed it - his hands traveled between her puffy lips , toying with her little bud . “I’m .... im-” her muffled cries interrupting her . “I know baby . Cum , cum with me .” and the coil in her belly broke synchronized with his . The addicting feeling of euphoria engulfing them both . “You did so well .” his sugary words causing her pride to rise , awaking her love for him . Just like the old times . “I love you , Mariah .” she perched at his tight embrace , inhaling his intoxicating scent . “Mhm me too .” she had to savor the moment . Mariah didn’t know what could possibly find her tomorrow .

////////////////

And as Andy distanced himself from Y/N, he kept his promise and made up the tangle. At least everything that could be fixed . The insuperable bond they created was ineffable. The somnolent love , almost dead , rose back from the dead . His pernicious and arcane self opened at his therapist . The Dolans couldn’t be happier . Apathy no longer lived between them . No invidious implication wafting around the tensed atmosphere. Just some more scarce , anticipated details and Dolan would finally fall into blithely.

Andy planted the usual good morning kiss on his wife . Excusing himself for his aimless absence on lunch and venturing to the car . The fraction of 2 to months without seeing Y/N, made him tacit. Where was the power Dolan’s hold ? He couldn’t falter, not now. He would withhold and keep things conservative. His conscience screamed no , but he shut it off , not wanting to trust his instincts . Choosing the obliviousness.

Approaching her modern like house , the cars of topical police confused his comprehension. Incompetent to walk inside , albeit he promised not to care - a part which was got circumvented - some of his worry remained to Y/N . “Officer , is she okay ?” the concern in his eyes made the blue - dressed man doubt his accusation . “Sir , are you Mr.Dolan ?” the man let his white scribbling block down , paying full attention to the brunette . “In the flesh .” two more patrols approaching, no feeling of timidity in their eyes . His envision had to be mendacious . A prosaic one , more realistic. “Andy Dolan you are arrested for the murder of Y/N Y/L/N” his conception blurred, everything changing into automatic. His eyes caught the figure of his wife talking to another police man - she wouldn’t? Would she ?

Everything happened so quickly, the metal handcuffs were clutched onto his hand, the ignominious state making him sentient. He would go to prison and there was no denial in that . At least he would leave Eden .

/////////////// Now \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

He had learnt the news . Mariah was in all this . She had been informed about Andy’s illegal affair , not only with women but with drugs , too . On the one side, she had managed to plan her husband’s perfect suicide but the contradiction she received made her tentative. Therefore she visited the professionals . Sherlock’s beneficial - for both Mariah and him- and handily trap got Dolan arrested . They had planned everything, even the littlest detail . The plan was easy , yet complicated.

He would wake up at 7:15 a.m. as always . Head to the kitchen to make his morning coffee , catch up with Mariah who would accidentally leave the house . His phone would remind him about his last meeting with Y/N , where she would end up thing with him . Or what Mariah had decided to do for her . Y/N had left the island months ago when Mrs.Dolan appeared in her house and threatened to kill her and her soon-to-be-born child. As Andy would drive his way , Sherlock would leave his fingerprint everywhere , placing them carefully at the edges of the gun . Next step would be Y/N’s doppelgänger, nice and murdered next to the white rug .

The unbearable route of the dull prison . The thousand of men behind the metal bars , hungry for every kind of fight and sexual intercourse nettled his every atom . Compelling himself not to communicate with anyone , Andy , who had received a life imprisonment lost and the last bit of faith . There was no salvation for him , it never existed . “You have a letter .” the word taking him out of his dwelling thoughts. His family never sent him letters , not that they were coming . Drugs were forbidden, or that was the law applied . “Sender ?” “Unknown .” Andy wasn’t in the mood for playing games . This almost one years in prison erased all of his lenient future. Additionally, alleviating his last mendacious fantasies about life .

Taking the rigid piece of paper , the handwriting of a woman caught his attention . Refraining himself from toring it apart and throwing it to the trash can , he want for abstinence. Cutting the edges with a small knife which used to hide right down his pillow , the form a photo fall on the floor . Inhaling a piece of pure reluctance , Andy took the shiny piece of paper between his hands . The silhouettes of two girls laughing at each other quirked his eye brow . But her ineffable and disheveled beauty stopped his breath . A baby adjoining her side , made him caught the implication . The transparent eligibility to join this family causing him to incandescent. That was his child and his Y/N .

Last thing , eyes traveling at the bottom of the photo

- SHOT WITH NIKON 456 | 6/4/2021 | 7:56 p.m.

And they were alive .

////////////////////////////////////////

Tag list ; @ferndolan @brooklinn13 @lavenderahs @mllxngdonswife @kitty4860

If anyone wants to be removed or added just say it lol

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marveloussupernerd · 4 years ago

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Crowns and Courtships - A Mystic Messenger AU

This AU is basically about MC being a princess who is courting during the Regency era! The readers can choose who MC ends up with :)

Chapter 6 - The Garden Party

Chapter 5

Words: 2500

Summary: it’s finally time to travel to the city to go to the first party of the social season, hosted by your close friend Duke Yoosung Kim. Will the party be a success? Will the group plotting against you make their next move?

You woke to a knock on your door. Blinking the sleep out of your eyes, you told the person they could come in. No surprise, it was Jaehee. “Good morning Princess, Sir Zen. I’ve gotten you some tea; we will be departing for the city soon. Would you like to get dressed before breakfast?

“That would be lovely,” you told Jaehee. Sir Zen excused himself and went to leave, but you stopped him. “Wait! Please tell me you will change my father’s mind and convince him that you should join us in the city.” You could tell he was going to object, but you stopped him once more. “Please. I feel safer with you around.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He smiled, then left. You could hear him making his way down the stairs, hopefully to find your father.

Jaehee got your clothes out, helping you step into each layer of the heavy travel clothes, then brought in some tea. “What happened last night, if you don’t mind me asking? I was surprised to see your knight in your chambers.”

You could feel your face heat up. “Oh! It’s nothing like that! Someone left a threatening note on my door, stabbed into the wood with the dagger. I couldn’t sleep… but with him watching over me it helped.”

“Oh! That’s awful. Are you okay?” She gently placed her hand on your arm.

“I’m honestly scared. That’s why I want him to join us in the city. It seems that if the organization doesn’t like my decision, they’ll attack me there. I already feel sick about the whole thing… having him by my side would help.”

“He is handsome… isn’t he?” Jaehee had a small smile on her face.

You giggled. “He is! He’s opening up more too.”

“Well, I hope we can catch these people, and soon. You should be excited about your first garden party, not dreading it!”

You set your cup down on the saucer, then stood. “We’ll have to hope for the best. I’ll meet you downstairs at the carriage soon! I have to join my parents for breakfast.”

When you sat down for breakfast, your parents stared at you like they had seen a ghost. “What’s wrong?” You asked, nervous that something else bad must have happened.

“We’re surprised to see you coping so well… Sir Zen brought us the note that was on your door,” your mother explained, concern evident in her eyes.

You sighed, your face falling: “Well… we knew there would be people who didn’t like my decision. It’s the consequences I have to face to achieve my happiness.”

“Well Sir Zen is joining us now, without question. He’s packing his things as we speak,” your father explained. It made you feel much better knowing that he’d be by your side, looking after you and protecting you from the people in the city.

“That’s good to know. On another note, I’m excited for the party today as well as our travels!”

“I’m glad to hear it. It must be exciting to be out and about during the social season. You’ll have to tell me all about it!” Your mother expressed happily. It was clear that she was disappointed she had to take part in an arranged marriage, but she was lucky her marriage turned out so well; it was clear that she loved your father dearly, which was surprising considering the fact you were born before your father had married. It was a lot to overlook, but the Queen’s love was able to overcome it all.

One you finished breakfast, it was time to prepare for the trip. You, your parents, and Jaehee took the main carriage. The others rode on horseback alongside the carriage. You smiled when you saw the horse you trained the other day leading the carriage. You walked over to him while the bags were being loaded.

“Why hello there!” You greeted the horse, patting its head. Mr. Choi sat at the front of the carriage, right above the horse and its partner. He raised an eyebrow at you. “Valiant. That’s his name,” you decided.

“A fitting name for a horse so daring and brave,” he grinned, petting the horse. “Let me know if you need anything throughout the trip.”

“I’m shocked you’re being so nice. Nervous? This is your first long carriage trip after all.”

“I just got used to leading one horse; now I have already graduated to two,” he said boastingly, but his face showed that he was quite overwhelmed by the prospect.

“Maybe you should let me know if you need anything throughout the trip,” you teased, turning his words against him. “Safe travels, Mr. Choi. My life literally depends on it.”

“You’re telling me… mine too.”

You loaded into the carriage with your family. You sat next to your mother, and your father sat across from you, next to Jaehee, who got the honor of sitting in the main carriage as your new lady.

You spent your time reading another book on flowers. You read for most of the trip, finishing the book in its entirety. You were lucky your home in the city had a large collection of books that you could read. You luckily made it without needing to take any stops, which was pretty impressive. Before you went inside, Sir Zen swept the house to make sure there was no intruder inside. Luckily there wasn’t. You took Jaehee up to your room to get ready for the garden party that was quickly approaching.

Jaehee quickly helped you get out of your traveling clothes and into your pink ensemble. The blush tone suited your skin tone perfectly; Jaehee had even packed a blush hat to match, since the party was outside.

She spent her time pinning each piece of hair into place, working on a low bun so that the hat would still sit nice. “I know we did not have much time to get ready, but I think you look wonderful,” Jaehee complimented, a small blush on her face. She practically pushed you out of the room before you could respond. “Off we go! We cannot be late.”

You made your way to the carriage with Jaehee next to you. You were lucky she was joining you since your parents weren’t going to attend; they were going to spend their time settling in. Still, it was nice to have some company.

Mr. Choi gave you his hand to help you onto the carriage, which you gladly took. Despite your recent fights, you still needed his help and wanted to keep things cordial. “That is… a lot of pink. You look like a flamingo,” he commented, taken aback by your dress. So much for cordial. It was obvious he was making fun of you to make himself feel better; you could tell by the stupid look on his face that he was just teasing you. You wouldn’t give in that easily though.

“Well, I figured you didn’t have taste, but this just confirms it,” you shrugged as he helped Jaehee into the carriage. “Let’s get going please; I’d hate to be late,” you urged him, and he listened.

“Who is holding this party again?” Jaehee asked as the carriage began moving.

“Duke Kim. I’m sure it was a lot of work for him to arrange the party on his own for the first time… especially since it’s the first one of the season. This is important though, because it’ll set the tone for the rest of this season’s events,” you explained.

You were trying to stay stoic but you were worried about Yoosung. He’d be crushed if the party wasn’t perfect, as if he had let his parents down. You’d take it upon yourself to make sure the party was a success.

But once you got there you weren’t too worried. There were a large number of round tables, draped in lavender linen. Vases of pink roses sat on each table, clearly expensive in order to impress the guests. A few nobles were already there, talking amongst themselves, Duke Kim greeting them.

You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face as he greeted you. “Nice to see you again, Duke Kim. This party is wonderful. I’m sure your parents would be proud,” you complimented. You meant every word; he was always an overachiever, but you were worried the death of his parents would kill his spirit. That wasn’t the case though! He was working even harder now.

“Your Royal Highness, it’s nice to see a friendly face around here,” he leaned close to her, lowering his voice: “I feel like everyone here is waiting to see me fail.”

“Don’t talk like that! Even if they were here for that, it’s not like they could say anything. You’re a Duke now. You outrank most of the people here,” you reminded him. The only ones higher than the Duke in the social status were the royalty. Yoosung should be proud of his title. “Plus! I’ll bet you’ll have at least half a dozen ladies swooning over you at the end of the event. You’ll never have to plan a party on your own ever again,” you grinned, reassuring him. A more genuine smile made its way onto his face.

“Honestly? I had a lot of fun planning this party. It helped take my mind off of things,” he admitted. Another guest entered, standing behind you, waiting their turn to talk to Yoosung. “Let’s talk later. There are place cards on each table to show you where you sit. I hope you enjoy yourself!”

It was obvious Yoosung had thought a lot about the seating arrangements. People sat by those in comparable class to them. Your table had Prince Jumin, Yoosung himself, Lord James, Lady Elizabeth, and Lady Sarah. The seats alternated boy-girl to help with the courting. It was very well thought-out.

Your only bit of criticism had to be Lord James. You had never gotten along with him well; he was extremely opinionated. Still, it was important to give him a chance. He approached the table first, addressing you before standing in front of a seat across from you.

“Hello Your Royal Highness,” he bowed to you.

“Lord James,” you curtsied, “how are your parents?”

“They’re doing quite alright. How has your kingdom and family been these past few months?”

“Pretty good. A little upset over my decision to court instead of going through with an arranged marriage, but nothing out of control,” you explained, downplaying the situation.

“Well I think that it is certainly a scandalous move. But, us noblemen are glad to see it occur. You look absolutely radiant,” he complimented. He eyed the pitcher of lemonade on the table awkwardly. You weren’t entirely sure what he was waiting for.

You ignored him, grabbing the pitcher and filling up your glass. His eyes were glued to it, still confused. “Is something the matter?” You asked, confused.

“I’m simply waiting for somebody to pour it for me. Would you like to do the honors?”

“I’d rather not. Thank you for the offer though,” you mentioned, allowing your voice to show a bit of annoyance. Luckily, Lady Elizabeth made it to the table to save you from the ridiculous conversation. You stood and swept her into a hug, not caring about appearances.

“My dear friend, it’s so good to see you,” you greeted.

“I’m not used to that sort of greeting, but I certainly will not complain,” she looked around. “The Duke has certainly outdone himself, huh? I didn’t realize he had this attention-to-detail in him.”

“Don’t be silly; he’s been straightening the silverware on the dinner tables at parties ever since we met him; this doesn’t surprise me at all,” you laughed. That was Yoosung alright. He had always been a perfectionist. Elizabeth joined you in a fit of giggles. You both sat down one seat apart from each other, Elizabeth getting the unfortunate pleasure of getting to sit next to Lord James.

“Who else is at our table?” Elizabeth asked you curiously, leaning closer to you to speak over the chatter.

“Yoosung, Sarah, and Prince Jumin,” you explained, looking over the table cards just to ensure you were correct.

“Prince Jumin? Oh, how exciting. I didn’t expect him to be showing up to all these events... is he courting too?” she asked curiously, twirling a curl of her hair.

“Well he’s certainly courting me. But besides that, not that I’m aware of. He stopped by the other day for tea.” Truth be told, though, Elizabeth was so beautiful and graceful that it was very likely Jumin would fall for her. Most people did.

“I don’t believe it,” she put her hand atop yours, “oh you must simply tell me all!” Prince Jumin walked over to the table, a smile on his face. “All… regarding how your mother is doing. Did she get over her flu?” Elizabeth asked, trying to cover up the gossip you were getting into. You had to restrain your laughter; no man wanted to see a woman gossiping, especially not the Prince, you imagined. Now the two of you couldn’t have cared less about Lord James, though, as he hardly counted as a man, but this was a prince after all.

“Prince Jumin, so lovely to see you,” you greeted, standing up to curtsy to him.

“I hope your travel was well?” Elizabeth chimed in, curtsying far lower than you had. Show off.

“My dear friend, Lady Elizabeth,” you introduced, “I don’t think the two of you have met formally yet.”

“It’s a pleasure,” Prince Jumin remarked, bowing to the both of you. “It seems I am seated between the two of you. Princess, I hadn’t realized your mother was ill. She seemed fine the other day when I saw her.”

You could feel your cheeks heat up. You didn’t like being questioned like this, especially when the cover-up was Elizabeth’s doing yet you had to dig the two of you out of it. “Ah, yes, well I actually haven’t seen Elizabeth in a while, so she was unaware that my mother had recovered almost a week ago.”

“But I thought we wrote one another just a few days ago? You even mentioned that one man who-”

“Well it seems I must have forgotten to mention it. It has been quite hectic at home lately,” you countered, eyeing Elizabeth, trying to hint that she should stop pressing the matter and be glad you saved her from the reputation of being a gossip.

“Well, Ladies, it looks like I’m at your table,” Lady Sarah announced, making her way in front of you both. “Prince Jumin!” she curtsied quickly, “Whatever might you be doing here?”

“Searching for good company, luckily it seems I might have found some,” he looked at you, smiling.

“I never expected you to be the type of person who would show up to the average boring garden party,” Sarah confessed. Behind her approached Duke Kim. His face fell at the mention of his party being ‘average’ and ‘boring'.

You knew it was your job to make Yoosung feel better. He had worked so hard on this party. He turned away, likely to excuse himself and take a moment. It hurt to see him so disappointed; he likely felt like a failure. You’d have to try and make this right.

#mystic messenger #mysme #Yoosung kim #zen #Jumin han #Jaehee kang #707 #au #crownsandcourtships

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masterthespianduchovny · 4 years ago

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As someone who constantly rewatches cap’s movies, his storyline makes sense emotionally. And I say emotionally because not even the MCU understands their time travel rules.

Let’s get something clear: Steve didn’t move on with Sharon, he tried to. If he’d moved on with Sharon he would’ve known about Peggy being her aunt way before the funeral. They clearly had very little contact before the funeral regardless of how they felt about each other.

As to why Steve didn’t focus on Sam and Bucky during the grief sessions, I can’t speak for others, but as someone who has lost both of my parents in emotionally traumatic ways (besides the obvious), my sisters and I can easily discuss our father’s death and not our mother’s.

Why?

Because our dad has been dead going on 13 years now. Our mom died almost three years ago.

Peggy’s death isn’t as fresh and is easier to discuss compared to the relatively fresh deaths of Sam and Bucky and HOW they died.

It’s not that Steve’s actions don’t make any sense, it’s that people refuse to critically think about it for two seconds. I can’t even talk about my mom with my siblings when it comes to certain topics before they literally tell me, “change the subject.” Just yesterday I mentioned two songs that reminded me of my mom and my sister flat out told me not listen unless I wanted to break down and cry, implying that she’d never listen to those songs for that reason.

Peggy was dead longer than Sam and Bucky, lived a long life, and died of old age. The way Sam and Bucky died was fucked up and hard to cope with because of how it went down. Understandably, it’s hard to discuss.

And it’s funny we mention how men can’t show emotions unless it’s about a love interest as if Steve isn’t depressed because of his friends’ deaths. Steve says that he cannot “move on.” That’s not about Peggy, it’s about the snap, Bucky, Sam, etc. we can see how hard Steve is taking it and his desperation to undo it all. We also don’t know if Steve spoke about them in other sessions. Sometimes when you cannot talk about a person or people, it isn’t that you don’t care it’s that you care deeply and your grief is overwhelming. Steve has constant traumatic reminders of his grief. It’s literally his biggest failure.

Finally his brain decided to work? Because he mentioned Bucky? I know you claimed to have watched all of the movies recently, but I’m not sure how you were watching them. People overstate Steve and Bucky’s relationship because of the lengths Steve goes to save Bucky (which makes sense considering the serum enhances everything). When Steve wasn’t saving Bucky, those two lived very independent lives. They cared for one another, but they weren’t joined at the hip. In 2012, besides being frozen in the ice for 70, the most traumatic thing was watching his friend fall from a train. Why wouldn’t anyone be shook to hear that their friend is alive?

The skinny Steve part is where this post starts to go off the rails. Lol. Not every spouse or parent has a picture of a loved one of their desk at work, which I highly doubt non shield people could enter. Since they likely can’t enter, how would they know. Also, considering that Steve saved the faceless man, his importance to Peggy in general, and how pivotal he was on her life, I doubt her faceless husband and children are tripping over the picture. Literally everyone knows how close they were, her feelings aren’t going to go away because he’s dead and she’s married. But her feelings for her was so much more than romantic love. And y’all constantly trivialize that for cheap laughs.

Here’s the thing: either Bucky knew or he didn’t (I doubt ppl truly cares if Sam knew bc this is really about Bucky for y’all). You can take his reaction one of two ways. 1. He knew, which is why he said goodbye, didn’t panic, immediately found Steve once he looked. 2. He didn’t, but he got what Steve did and understood. Either way, Bucky isn’t upset because he knows everything Steve’s been through and all he’s done for others. Steve’s entitled to live life for himself rather than everyone else.

What do “we” need closure for??? I have no idea why people are so invested in a friendship that was barely featured on screen even in the first movie. The friendship y’all are mourning doesn’t exist. Sam and Steve’s friendship is only valuable if they have years together? Being friends with old people isn’t worth it because they can die tomorrow??? What exactly are you saying here?

Steve’s development was about adapting and TRYING to move on. And I say try because Steve barely dates or doesn’t try to establish a life outside of the avengers. The friend he makes that isn’t one starts hero fighting with him. All Steve does is soldier shit and missions. That’s it. Where is this moving on? He barely dates Sharon before going on the run for two years.

And circling back to this “critically thinking” thing I mentioned earlier. We all know what a set back is. Say even if Steve did try to get that thing called a life, has it ever occurred to any of his critics who’ve claimed his development was thrown away that...Steve regressed due to the blip. Recall me saying Steve was depressed, felt like a failure, and was desperate? Remember Steve saying he can’t move on?

That perhaps, when they undid the blip, Steve went back in time because he spend his time in the future living for everyone else and doing jackshit for himself? All he did was live for other people and y’all want him to keep doing that.

In conclusion, anti EG Steve have totally warped Steve’s characterization to fit a narrative that doesn’t exist. If ppl actually listen attention and thought meaningfully about what was going on with Steve, they’d understand he was more complex than given credit for and his decisions nor his life revolves around Bucky.

Oh, and one last note, you make think watching the movies in one week this year means you can see “clearly”, however, you’re like to miss more because you haven’t given the movies time to breathe. Just about everyone having this debate, regardless of the side their own, have watched these movies several times and recently at that. I watched TFA three days ago and TWS and CW within the past six months. I watched IW and EG this year.

You don’t have more insight because you watched it recently, you have more insight when you actually think about what you’re watching, what that means, and can coherently articulate it.

Your opinion isn’t new or different than any other EG Steve anti from two years ago. It’s filled with superficial thinking and logic with holes in it.

Endgame!Steve and why he doesn’t make sense

I saw Endgame two weeks ago (yeah, I know, a bit late but at least I did it) and from the start I felt like something was of about Steve. The fun fact is that if you hadn’t saw all the Cap’s film in like a week as I did and it’s been like three years since you saw one, all his choices are perfectly believable. And that’s what I hate about it.

One of the first scenes we see Steve in is when they go where Thanos is after the snap. While they are in the spacecraft, Steve looks sadly at his compass whit Peggy’s photo in. It makes a sort of parallel with CA:TWS, where Steve does the same exact thing at the museum. But in CA:TWS Steve hadn’t a life. He was still in the past in his mind. He hadn’t any friend, he overworked himself and it’s pretty clear his mental healt wasn’t exacly okay. The first step for starting his new life is his chat with Peggy, where se basically says “live your life now that you can big idiot”.

In Endgame his two bestfriends (Bucky and Sam) died like two days before and he was staring at Peggy’s photo, who died TWO YEARS BEFORE and he knew he couldn’t have her back since 2011 (seven years before). He even moved on with Sharon (even thought I don’t like their relationship, it is there so show that Steve is MOVING ON, so please, don’t ignore it).

Beside that, your telling me that Steven Grant Rogers, the man who became an actual soldier because he wanted to save Bucky, who decided to burn down HYDRA after his death and who fucked up his entire relationship whit half of the Avengers and with Tony for him, didn’t even cry a tear? Yeah, very belivable.

And Sam? The man fucked his entire life for him, from helping him destroing HYDRA, to following him for two years all around the word to find Bucky, to helping him in the Civil War even thought he hates Bucky just because he is important fo STEVe, and you are telling me that Steve was staring at his fucking compass with PEGGY inside? PEGGY? At least Tony was watching a picture with him and Peter!

Five years after the snap, Steve is in a support group for people who lost someone in the snap. Who is he talking about? Bucky? Sam? The life he was sarting to have in the modern time? Obviously not, we are in a superheroes film and men are not allowed to have emotion unless they are for a love interest, so he is talking about Peggy. She hadn’t died in the Snap you big idiot! She was old and you KNEW soon or less her time would have come! Sharon doesn’t even exists anymore, RIP Sharon you could have been a good character if someone had bothered developing you.

Then there’s the time travel moment. Steve meets 2012!Steve and during the fight his brain finally decided to work. He’s fighting with himself, so wich way to win is better than cofusing the past version of himself with something he doesn’t know? So he uses his ace in the hole, that is, surprise suprise, Bucky. WoW, YoU wErE ReAlLy SaD AnD wOrRiEd ThE LaSt TiMe I ChEcKeD! You know, when he died in front of your eyes with you being unable to do something EXACLY LIKE THE FIRST TIME!

But don’t worry, because Endgame!Steve will soon return after found out that Peggy has a picture of skinny!Steve on her desk! But not one with her husband or her kids. If I were them I would have been extremely offended, like, I’m her kid/husband and she has the photo of that skinny bitch who died like thirty years ago and not mine.

Anyway at the end, after the funeral, the bitch (aka endgame!Steve) goes in the past to return all the gems and return as an old man. And Sam is there like “bitch, WTF?” because, you know, he hadn’t told anyone about his plan. Bucky knows, because he has the power (apparently because Steve told him, but I would like to, yanno, see it and not hear it in a line of TFATWS two years later) and… nothing else. That’s the end.

We don’t have a closure, whe don’t have anything more than a hug and a stupid line from CA:TFA, that was meant as a “see you later” and not as a “goodbye”. That doesn’t seem like a closure to me. Sam doesn’t even have that, he had a friend and now he has fucking shield and an old man who is probably going to die tomorrow.

All Steve’s development as a character was about moving on and learning that being a bit selfish wasn’t a bad thing, but for the sake of the first love that never dies (again, RIP Sharon) the writers threw away half of his development, giving us and ending that didn’t bring any closure, because Steve and Peggy had theirs in CA:TWS.

In coclusion, they destroyed Steve’s development and characterization in the whole film to not make it feel like his ending was OOC, making Endgame!Steve in general OOC.

I really had to take this weight off my chest. Thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

#peggy carter #steve rogers #pro captain america #or eg Steve

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johnboothus · 5 years ago

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New Round of Potential Tariff Hikes Threatens U.S. Wine and Spirits Businesses Already Reeling From Covid-19

At the beginning of 2020, it seemed like one topic would dominate the news cycle for the U.S. wine and spirits industry: Tariffs.

Then came a global health pandemic and, more recently, the growing social justice movement that’s swept the nation. Both issues have dominated the current news cycle — and rightly so, say multiple wine and spirit industry professionals contacted for this article. But the 25 percent tariffs imposed on certain European wines and spirits in October 2019 have continued to negatively impact U.S. businesses throughout this time.

When the tariffs were reviewed in February 2020, U.S. businesses were relieved to find that, while they remained in place, their rate was not increased to 100 percent, as might have been possible. The tariffs are now set for another round of reviews and the threat of 100 percent tariffs once again looms large over U.S. importers, distributors, retailers, and on-premise operators.

But this time around, those businesses are also dealing with substantial losses related to Covid-19. Not only that, the method by which consumers and trade can comment on the tariffs — the main tool at their disposal to oppose them — is set to become more complicated. Industry professionals worry this could dampen consumer and trade support in the fight against tariffs.

Why Were These Wine and Spirits Tariffs Imposed?

Announced by the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative (USTR) on Oct. 2, 2019, the tariffs on wine and spirits were enacted in retaliation to E.U. subsidies paid to airplane manufacturer Airbus. Also known as the ��Large Civil Aircraft Dispute,” the World Trade Organization concluded that these subsidies were illegal, and granted the U.S. permission to tax E.U. exports up to $7.5 billion annually.

When the tariffs went into effect on Oct. 18, 2019, a lengthy list of imported goods became subject to 25 percent duties. Those goods included still wines from France, Germany, Spain, and the U.K. that are not higher than 14 percent ABV and not packaged in containers bigger than 2 liters. The USTR also imposed 25 percent duties on single malt whisk(e)y from Ireland and the U.K., as well as liqueurs and cordials from Germany, Ireland, Italy, Spain, and the U.K.

Under the Trade and Development Act of 2000, the USTR is required to periodically examine and revise the list of products subject to a retaliatory tariff. Announced in December 2019, the first revision was set for February 2020. The USTR also issued a request for public comments on the listed products, and whether or not the tariffs placed on them should increase, decrease, or stay the same. In the worst-case scenario, the duties could have been raised to as much as 100 percent.

Already struggling to cope with the 25 percent tariffs, the U.S. wine and spirits community came together to raise public awareness of the issue. Through social media campaigns and interviews with multiple media outlets, they encouraged as many people as possible to express their opposition to tariffs, arguing that not only were they harming their businesses, the dispute itself had nothing to do with wine or spirits.

By the time the comment period closed, the USTR had received nearly 26,000 responses (not all related to wine and spirits). Finally, on Feb. 14, the USTR announced no changes to the tariff rate or list of products in the wine, spirit, and liqueur categories.

The news gave some respite to business owners. But the next period of review is fast approaching. Slated for Aug. 12, the USTR will announce the start date of the next 30-day comment period at the end of June (most likely on June 23).

How Have These Tariffs Affected U.S. Businesses?

At this point, some might be questioning why the tariffs have negatively impacted U.S. businesses when it was E.U. wines and spirits that were targeted. The answer to that question lies in the way Prohibition was repealed, and the three-tier system of alcoholic distribution in the U.S.

When a consumer walks into a wine store and buys a European wine, that retailer bought the wine from a U.S. wholesaler. The wholesaler, in turn, purchased it from a U.S. importer. All three are American businesses and only the importer works directly with European producers. Besides alcohol, there is no similar system for other consumer goods in the U.S.

“When the federal government put tariffs on E.U. wine [and spirits], I don’t think they understood so much of the damage was being inflicted on U.S. businesses,” says Benjamin Aneff, president of the U.S. Wine Trade Alliance (USWTA) and managing partner of New York’s Tribeca Wine Merchants.

Aneff says the vast majority of the companies hit were small businesses, which only amplified the damage that was caused. There are 47,000 independent wine retailers in the U.S. and over 6,500 small distributors, he says, and most of them are family-owned. “Tariffs are just an extra burden around the neck of these very small companies,” Aneff says.

In recent months, the impact of Covid-19 has further increased that burden. The pandemic itself complicates analysis of the full economic impact of tariffs. But according to data shared with VinePair from the National Association of Beverage Importers, certain wine imports saw notable drops before the pandemic hit. This could suggest that U.S. businesses were struggling to pay the increased costs of tariffed goods.

In January 2020, imports of still table wine from France, Germany, and Spain decreased by 26.9 percent, 13.1 percent, and 41.6 percent respectively, compared to January 2019. In contrast, imports of still wine from Italy — which is exempt from the tariffs — saw YOY growth of 12.3 percent.

It wasn’t just wine that took a dive. According to the Distilled Spirits Council (DISCUS), imports of liqueurs and cordials from Germany, Ireland, Italy, Spain, and the U.K. dropped 20.6 percent between October 2019 and April 2020 compared with the same period one year prior. It’s harder to gauge the impact on Irish and Scotch whiskeys because the U.S. trade statistics database does not distinguish between single malts and blended whiskeys. But DISCUS estimates these categories are also down nearly 30 percent YOY in the same period.

While we cannot definitively conclude that import decreases are entirely linked to tariffs, the manner in which tariffs are applied makes it seem likely. Importers have had to pay the added duty when the goods arrive at port. As wine distribution typically operates on credit, this means importers have paid the fee out of pocket and have had to wait to recoup the costs. Some businesses have struggled to accommodate the unexpected financial commitment.

“The biggest impact from these tariffs has been the cash-flow implication,” says Kate Laughlin, vice president of California-based importer and wholesaler Martine’s Wines. “We extend credit to all of our accounts, so by the time that we get paid for that wine, we’ve already paid the tariff weeks or months in advance.”

Though importers are paying the added duty upon arrival, the additional 25 percent in costs is often spread across the distribution channel. This is particularly challenging for small businesses right now. On-premise operators, and the distributors that serve them, have had to cope with the impact of enforced bar and restaurant closures because of Covid-19. Meanwhile, mom-and-pop wine and spirits stores are struggling to compete with large-scale online retailers with efficient delivery channels.

Even though Covid-19 seems like the more immediate threat, some restaurant operators warn that tariff increases should not be ignored. “They don’t feel as worrisome as dealing with opening under the virus, but it’s actually a bigger deal than before,” says Andrew Fortgang, co-owner and wine director of Le Pigeon and Canard in Portland, Ore. “Previously, a successful restaurant might’ve had the margins to absorb some of those costs — there are no successful restaurants anymore.”

The Next Round in the Fight Against Tariffs

Ahead of the August tariff review, U.S. business owners hope the wine and spirits community will rally in a similar fashion to the beginning of 2020. But this time around, the nature of the process has changed.

Following the overwhelming number of responses received in December and January, the USTR has sought to change the manner in which people can submit comments. Previously, that was as simple as clicking on a link to a Regulations.gov page, writing a comment (or uploading a PDF file), sharing some basic personal information, then clicking submit.

Now, the USTR has received approval to launch a multistep online portal. The exact submission process will only become clear when the portal goes live. In its proposed guise, however, users must input a range of detailed information before they can submit a comment. This includes details such as a 10-digit “Harmonized Tariff Schedule” code, which relates to the specific product users wish to comment on.

The USTR estimates the process could take commenters up to two hours to prepare and submit. In a document supporting the changes, the USTR writes, “The electronic portal facilitates the collection of comments, enhances USTR’s ability to view/organize data, and allows the public to more easily search/view public submissions.”

Some industry professionals have questioned whether there are additional, ulterior motives. “It definitely feels like a bit of a roadblock is being put up,” says Martine’s Wines’ Laughlin. (VinePair reached out to the USTR on multiple occasions for additional comments on the portal, but did not receive a response by the time of publishing.)

Either way, many in the industry are worried the process will be too complex for many consumers to complete. “Our concern is that people will get frustrated and they’ll never get to [the step] where they can attach their comment letter or type in their and general comments,” says Robert Tobiassen, president of the National Association of Beverage Importers (NABI).

The USWTA’s Aneff shares his concerns. “As Jeff Bezos can tell you, Amazon Prime works with one blue button. If you make [consumers] fill out six blue buttons, you lose people at every step,” he says.

In the coming weeks, the role of organizations such as the USWTA and NABI will be working to help consumers navigate the “blue buttons” of the online portal. But even these organizations are in the dark about the specific comment process until the portal launches.

Once the review process is over, the USTR has discretion on when it announces any modifications to the tariffs, and when those changes would become effective. If the history of these particular tariffs is anything to go by, that period should be around two to three weeks. The USTR first announced the 25 percent tariffs on wine and spirits on Oct. 9, 2019. They then went into effect on Oct. 18, 2019.

When the tariffs were reviewed on Feb. 14, the USTR announced the modifications (which didn’t affect wine or spirits) a week later. Those changes then became effective on March 5.

The conclusion to this particular battle should therefore be quick. Whether or not it will signal the end of the trade war, and spare the wine and spirits industries further damage, is less clear.

The article New Round of Potential Tariff Hikes Threatens U.S. Wine and Spirits Businesses Already Reeling From Covid-19 appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/eu-wine-spirits-tariff-hikes-2020/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/new-round-of-potential-tariff-hikes-threatens-us-wine-and-spirits-businesses-already-reeling-from-covid-19

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isaiahrippinus · 5 years ago

Text

New Round of Potential Tariff Hikes Threatens U.S. Wine and Spirits Businesses Already Reeling From Covid-19

At the beginning of 2020, it seemed like one topic would dominate the news cycle for the U.S. wine and spirits industry: Tariffs.

Why Were These Wine and Spirits Tariffs Imposed?

Announced by the Office of the U.S. Trade Representative (USTR) on Oct. 2, 2019, the tariffs on wine and spirits were enacted in retaliation to E.U. subsidies paid to airplane manufacturer Airbus. Also known as the “Large Civil Aircraft Dispute,” the World Trade Organization concluded that these subsidies were illegal, and granted the U.S. permission to tax E.U. exports up to $7.5 billion annually.

How Have These Tariffs Affected U.S. Businesses?

The Next Round in the Fight Against Tariffs

When the tariffs were reviewed on Feb. 14, the USTR announced the modifications (which didn’t affect wine or spirits) a week later. Those changes then became effective on March 5.

The conclusion to this particular battle should therefore be quick. Whether or not it will signal the end of the trade war, and spare the wine and spirits industries further damage, is less clear.

The article New Round of Potential Tariff Hikes Threatens U.S. Wine and Spirits Businesses Already Reeling From Covid-19 appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/eu-wine-spirits-tariff-hikes-2020/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/621638676285407232

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mybumpbirthandbeyond · 5 years ago

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Mindset

There’s every chance you might think I’m crazy when you read what I’m going to write about. That’s a definite possibility…however, I think it’s mark of how much my mindset has changed that I’m even contemplating this.

I’ve been thinking about this over the last week or so, and usually, throughout this process, the best way for me to express myself has been through writing about it. I have done a recent video on this, but here, I can probably explain a bit better what has changed.

I haven’t had this question asked of me, but if you were to ask me if it was possible to use a magic wand and make all of this disappear, would I? 6/7 months ago, the answer would have easily been yes. But now? I’m not entirely sure…crazy right? Let me explain and maybe you’ll understand.

This time last year, I hadn’t even started physio. I’m not one for hiding my head in the sand about anything. My mum would be the first to admit she does this all the time, but definitely not me. However, I’ll admit I was terrified. I was a first-time mum who was already in a vulnerable position for that reason, let alone what my body had gone through in a very short space of time. Within one of week of my son being born, I had mastitis to the point I developed a breast abscess (less than 3% of women end up with an abscess), and I had a temperature of 39.5. The doctor I saw thought it was close to being hospitalised.

By the second week since my son was born, I had developed thrush and let me tell you, I have never experienced pain like it. How some women persevere and continue to breastfeed after that, I do not know. The second bout of mastitis came hot on the heels of the thrush and I was well and truly done in.

During that time, I knew something was very wrong with my stomach. The midwife had told me she could feel all the way down to my bowel, so that was probably a good indication! Nevertheless, her attitude of ‘here’s a tubi grip and it should be fine by your 6 week check. If not, they can refer you to a physio,’ would lead some to believe it really wasn’t all that bad. Like it was common. I knew this didn’t seem normal. Somehow, I knew this didn’t happen to everyone and I was devastated. Everyone expected I would be the size I was before pregnancy, and if I’m honest, so did I.

When I started writing this blog, it was partly for my own mental health. It was therapeutic to be brutally honest about my feelings, when there was no one to turn to and no one who understood. There were suggestions of what I could do; of how the women (most of whom were normally my build and all bore boys funnily enough) had gaps and thought they still had gaps. How they did certain things and it helped. That didn’t help me, because I suspected this was much worse than these people experienced. I couldn’t understand why this wasn’t something I knew about. Nothing in the literature, nothing in the classes, nothing in the appointments, just nothing. How could something so significant be missed out? It’s tantamount to neglect if you ask me.

The progress initially in those early physio appointments was a massive comfort, as was the fact I was actually DOING something. I don’t like sitting idly and waiting. The fact I was progressing, made me think this is going to work, and I’m going to go back to normal if I work hard.

When I hit the wall and there was no progress, it took my breath away. I probably ranted a lot in that appointment and without swearing out loud, I probably spoke a lot of rubbish because it just didn’t make sense to me. I could not comprehend it. I was described as a model pupil in school. I behaved, worked hard and never put a foot wrong. I worked hard at physio, I was disciplined and I did exactly as I was told. So why was I failing?

I was by no means over other parts of pregnancy and birth my body had gone through. My episiotomy scar was giving me issues and I suspected it was scar tissue. I was referred to Gynaecology. I was referred to Ultrasound for my diastasis. I spent a lot of time at a hospital. Prior to having a child, I had only ever been to the hospital after a car crash when I was a teenager, and to accompany another family member to A&E or out of hours. Now, I was spending the majority of my time at a hospital.

So why on earth would I not want to change all of this? Makes me seem a bit loco after all when you read all of that. I’ll tell you why.

I’m stronger than I have ever been in my life. Not just physically - though I admit that’s certainly a bonus that I’m enjoying – but mentally. If you’ve read my earlier blog, you’ll know I lost my Dad at 14 years old. That either breaks you, or it makes you stronger. I was already mentally strong because of that. However, this is a different mental strength. I have fought inner demons since reality set in about the significance of all of this. Insecurities; shame; embarrassment; fear; resentment; failure; disappointment, the list goes on. I get in my head a lot with this, but there’s no one else I personally know who gets it, so there’s nowhere else to go.

Except for other women, there is a place to go now. I am not the only one who has shared my journey with this, but I have been sharing my journey with this since the beginning and I have recorded it since the beginning, which not everyone else will have done. Plus, I’m a lot closer to home for some women. I have received countless messages from perfect strangers who have connected with me and thanked me for sharing my journey – they know and they get it, but they also don’t know anyone in the same boat. That has been overwhelming for me. I never thought anyone would read this, let alone people search and find it. I said at the beginning of writing this, if I could help just one person who might be in the same position, all of this will have been worthwhile. Never could I have imagined that people would be thanking me for sharing my own personal experience.

Knowledge. I am more informed now than I have ever been. I can’t imagine having not gone through this, having a potential second pregnancy and possibly being in a worse position than I am now, because I knew nothing about it. Knowledge really is power. I may still have my fears around a second pregnancy, but I have the best team I could have who will help guide me. At the same time, I will continue to learn all I can because that’s how I’m built, and I couldn’t have better people to learn from.

I know women who have finished having kids that had no idea about diastasis. I know women who wouldn’t have had kids at the time, but that are pregnant now, that have said they are grateful that, because of what I’ve shared, they now know what to look out for. I’m hopeful none of them will be in my position; but we’re talking 1/3 who will be. The more I share, hopefully the more other women will share. Is it any wonder women suffer postnatal depression when nothing gets spoken about? Literally nothing is the same in your mind or body, yet we don’t speak about it. That is crazy and has to change. It has to be okay for women to share this, so they can get help.

That’s another thing. Help. As mothers, we’re probably the most guilty of not asking for help. I don’t know about you, but I’m a pretty proud (and stubborn) person. Asking for help is not something I enjoy or do easily. I wasn’t stupid enough to think I wouldn’t need help with this, but it was knowing who would help that was a problem. I know there are women who have never sought help and have suffered. I know my physios have seen women years down the line who suffered in silence and thought it was too late to get help. That is frightening. That’s why I am so incredibly lucky to have the physios I do. I’ve heard horror stories of those who were just dismissed, or told it was fat, or who were given little to no support. I have the best support network possible – as I keep saying I’m incredibly lucky from being incredibly unlucky. I have now spoken to a number of women about physios and it’s the first thing I would recommend to anyone.

Another reason I wouldn’t change it? The people I have met or connected with. Even more importantly, my physios. I wouldn’t have met these amazing individuals – Lyndsey, Grainne Antony or Helen Keeble – had it not been for this. I probably would have gone through life without possibly even knowing of pelvic health physio, and I’m not convinced that’s a good thing. The incredible work they do should be spoken about, I should know about it, as should every other woman out there - with children or not. That doesn’t just apply to diastasis; that applies to pelvic organ prolapse, incontinence, etc. Everything they do is so valuable, and they are the people who are making it okay to talk about these things; they are the ones giving people access to this information and raising awareness. They are the ones changing lives.

I cannot speak highly enough of the work physios do. Without my own physios I actually dread to think what state I would be in – physically and mentally. I have no problem or hesitation in saying they have each changed my life for the better, and I am a better person for having them in my team. They have given me everything on this journey and I know they will continue to do so when I reset again and again.

My physios told me in my recent consult that my language has changed. I didn’t even ask them what they meant, even though I wasn’t aware of my language changing. There’s a part of me that instinctually just agreed. My mind has been through about as much as the rest of my body, and more recently, was so up and down I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. And yet, something has changed. I don’t feel the same shame and I am starting to feel confident. That seems ridiculous as I have always been a confident person, but this is a different confidence. I am confident I am on the right track, and I am confident I can cope with this. Doesn’t matter how many times - I know I can do it, because I’ve already done it. My physios will probably be like ‘I told you so,’ because that’s how they have talked me down off the ledge during the downs. As we all know though, it’s easier said than done, and a tacit understanding of all of this is that I’m probably going to be a bit slower on the uptake, for fear of getting carried away. They know me well enough by now that that will come as no surprise!

It used to be about doing this because I had to. Part of that is of course still true. You don’t have much choice other than to give up, give in, or give it your all. The difference is I’m actively choosing to give it my all and that is a massive shift in mindset. It hasn’t come easily by any means, but that’s the beauty of this journey – I’m learning along the way and I’m changing for the better as a result.

#mybumpbirthandbeyond #diastasisrecti #postpartum #Progressnotperfection #firsttimemum

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remindersforabatteredbarist-blog · 6 years ago

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april 25, 2019

It is a beautiful day out, and it reminds me a lot of living in Ogden last year in my apartment with my ex. Right now last year, I would probably be sitting outside in the back yard of the building with my cat, some weed, an energy drink, music, and a strooong mixed bevy. We went through a solid amount of liquor there; in fact, it’s the only time employees stopped checking my I.D. anywhere for anything requiring one. And that statement includes two Ogden liquor store locations, as one closed earlier in the day than the other, I frequented both. I tried my best to drink through almost as much alcohol as my ex, seeing as I was paying for it all myself, and it would always be gone any time I left the apartment for work or to go see my friends or family. My pleading with him to stop using all my money on getting fucked up was always to no avail, and I continued to buy the alcohol because what I was going through was too much to face up to sober. I was working my ass off every day only to be more behind on bills, and the fighting between us was relentless, giving me almost no opportunity to diffuse from my overwhelming work week. I was caught in a sick cycle of being harmed and attempting to self-sooth in extremely unhealthy ways. I was missing many facets of myself and still believed I could catch up somehow, but that was not possible under the circumstances I chose to remain in.

He hated the music I ever tried to play when he was around – even stuff we used to enjoy together would anger him and I would be forced to retreat to avoid conflict. I often lied in bed alone with my headphones over my ears just trying to escape from my current reality as it was one of the only methods I had left that hadn’t been totally destroyed by him. He did his best to take everything he could from me and then some.

It’s been over two months since we parted ways this time, and every day away from him is a gift I choose to give myself to honor my true identity and innocence that I know is still buried deep in my heart, underneath all the layers of bullshit and pain I have endured. Yesterday was difficult. I got a ton of things done on my to-do list, but I still felt terribly empty and depressed inside. Nothing was wrong, yet I struggled through every single thing I embarked on throughout my day. I have been accustomed to that since childhood, as my depressive condition developed at a pretty early age, but I usually had someone or something to blame for any given bout of sadness I faced. Lately, the concept that my state is not due to more than my head and hormone chemistry has been making more sense, but it does not make it any easier. Often it can be confusing, distracting, and frustrating.

Today I woke up in a much happier place. Riding the waves of manic depression is a challenge I accept, as I know myself and love myself the way I am. This is a challenge that those around me do not always see as okay, and that in itself can be difficult as well. I believe that is why I attributed many of my adolescent mood swings to situational things and also why I masked it much more back then. I by far prefer my brighter self, but that’s just not always what I get. My dad used to always tell me growing up that every day is a choice and only I could determine the outcome. To an extent this is true, but I think I took it too literally and was always very hard on myself when my perfect expectations for myself and my time didn’t always turn out perfectly.

I have learned recently that I tend to be too hard on myself in general, and it’s okay to give yourself a break sometimes, or even a lot of times. Life is not simple or easy. But I live for the quiet moments of simplicity and peace I find in between the crushing reality that is this existence. So far today I have already enjoyed many of those moments, and I have a hell of a lot more contributing forces to thank for that than solely myself.

I am a lover; I have a lot of love to give and it always hurts me deeply when it is not received well. For that reason, I am blessed to have people in my life who have continued reaching out to me even when I stopped reaching back, for I was occupied drowning in an ocean I jumped into knowingly and alone. I am a creator; I always have been and always will be. I am also blessed to have found a new occupation where I continue to pursue my passion of artistic creation. The others I have gotten to know there have fully embraced me and my many levels of crazy-girl, and I am so lucky to feel home and accepted at my job.

This new life of mine has not come easily or without a cost. I spent far too long in a place I didn’t belong to learn I could never make it work the way I hoped. I allowed my ex to take the life out of me bit by bit as he left me covered in scars and bruises over small things that never amounted to the pain I bore from the results. Time stopped moving for me as I struggled to survive and make sense of my unthinkable daily reality. I thought I was doing my best to continue on, but truthfully I was only moving backward.

He would always tell me places aren’t haunted; people are. I think he held onto a lifetime of darkness that wasn’t necessarily his to keep. I think he craved more than what he felt or saw in the light, so he chose to take what he could of it and change it, warp it, and trade it in for cheap fronts. There was never really any amount of innocent blood available to give him the power he pretended to yield and lied awake at night afraid to admit to himself he lacked. Feeding the lie only made him weaker. But he still held power over me. I never understood his disdain for everything that made me happy until I admitted to myself that he wasn’t happy and couldn’t stand for me to be. I missed when I could bring something to him and not be immediately shut down with negativity.

A couple of weeks ago I gave myself a little St. Peter’s cross on the inside of my left knee. It was the first tattoo I did on myself; all of my previous stick & poke practice had been on him. This new symbol on my skin is a reminder that I’m a badass bitch who doesn’t need to take shit from anyone ever again. I am full of brightness and life; I cannot watch that light be put out again for someone else or by my own doing. I don’t want to be so broken like that; I’m already fucked up enough. My cross means I’ve been to hell and back and I can’t forget the struggle I underwent to come out alive. If I was still with him, I’d be covered in different marks right now than ink and scars; I’d be wearing fresh bruises and scratches from his hand. I wouldn’t want to be around anyone I love because it hurt to see the pain in their expressions as they noticed I wasn’t okay.

I always trusted his light-hearted darkness for some reason. He was covered in upside-down crosses himself, and took every opportunity to explain to those asking that it wasn’t an indicator of satan, but of a feeling of unworthiness and worthlessness. I still feel sad when I think of how I completely shut down for him and how long it took me to begin picking myself back up. All the love I still have to give could have been completely wasted on someone who would never receive it. I am alive and going forward despite all of this. I’m getting better at moving on and not doing so solely by blocking it all out unhealthily with reckless behavior. I am grateful I am finally growing again as a person and not just floating by.

“I can’t turn back

I love until it hurts

and every blessing feels just like a curse.

If you stay and help me cope,

you’ll see me fly

into the sun

into their vacant minds

to seal their fate

time after time.”

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wewomenbookclub · 8 years ago

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Gentleness x The Working Week - Advice from Mod Rose

I was raised to be an overachiever, to exceed expectations and I coped okay with that until I found myself in my current job. Suddenly my workload was so overwhelming that not only could I not go the extra mile, just reaching the finish line is a stretch on most days.

I hate this. It makes me feel like a failure and I spent a lot of months crying at 5.25 every day over all the things I hadn’t done and dreading the to-do list that awaited me late into the night. It didn’t matter how many people were telling me how well I was doing, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough.

And so I had to learn to be gentle (okay I’m still learning - most days I still feel out of control), and the best tool I have found for this is to be realistic, to restructure my to-do list as a reflection of what I can actually get done and to leave space to add the things I achieve which crashland into my carefully curated schedule.

Prioritising my to-do list, taking time to think out the realistic consequences of each thing not getting done to allot it it’s actual importance rather than my reflexive panic reaction to SO MUCH WORK is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane.

Here’s how I work it...

URGENT - For things than need to be done on the day. I make this list as short as I can, it is ONLY for things that literally cannot wait, that will cost thousands of pounds if they are delayed or will make my life significantly dificult should they be put off. On days where I can’t cope, where I am overwhelmed, the urgent list is often the only list I look at. I put a post it note over the others and attack only urgent. Under my urgent list I write my last resort, contacting my boss if I can’t cope. This reminds me that I am not in this alone, that if I can’t finish it is not my burden to bear alone. My company are aware that my workload is insane and if I run out of time, if delays occur beyond my control having that reminder written down forces me to acknowledge my limitations and forgive myself when I can’t control an outcome.

IDEAL - This is for the everyday stuff, for the things that all being well, mind being quiet and life going to plan I will get done in a day. This is generally the longest list and generally gets 2/3 done on an average day. At the bottom I write a reminder to treat myself, to reward success in this list, because achieving the everyday goals is a victory I am very very bad at acknowledging.

EXTRA - In my past, the extras have always come easily so it’s incredibly important for me to remind myself that they are actually bonuses, and not the basic requirements of my job. This list is for stuff that would be nice, projects I would like to invest in but are not essential, things I’d like to get a head start on and so on. This list rarely gets touched but on those days where everything is coming up roses and I have boundless energy, it allows me to feel like I’m on top of the world.

OTHER THINGS (PROFESSIONAL) - This is the most recent addition to my to-do process, because I realised that too often I was not completing my list and giving myself a hard time, but I wasn’t giving myself credit for the reasons for that perceived “failure”, for that urgent thing that came in and knocked half my ideal list out of the running. This is the space to write down all those rush jobs, those things that get thrown at you last minute that take up so much time. Write them down. Give yourself those victories, you’ll likely be surprised by how many there are.

OTHER THINGS (PERSONAL) - You may or may not want to include this on your work list. For me, I work from home a lot so the two things overlap, my evening often get work tainted so I have to practise self-care in the work day. It’s also useful for me to have everything in one place but it may not work for you.

REMEMBER: The noise in your head, the length of your list, the things you already know you can’t get done are not a reflection on your success as a human. Be realistic about your time and capabilities, be honest with yourself and your employer about your workload.

Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can. You do enough. You are enough.

#We Women #We Women Bookclub #gentleness #time management #self-care #staying sane #Mod Rose

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audiblesmirking · 4 years ago

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erratic heartbeats [a Saiki Kusuo no Psi nan fanfic] ~chapter 1: who???~

Saiki Kusuo deemed himself as the most powerful person in the whole world, supernatural power-wise.

That was, before he met someone whose smile can topple down walls and turn people into immobile statues, both literally and figuratively.

==========

Psychic powers make the impossible possible.

When two natural espers procreate, a fraction—most the the times all—of their powers get distributed to their offspring/s. In rare scenarios, a child may be unable to use their given abilities, rendering the power distribution a waste.

==========

Saiki Kuniharu and Saiki Kusuo were watching the regular weekend drama scheduled that afternoon in their living room, while Saiki Kurumi attended to her chores in the kitchen. All was tranquil, save for the sounds being omitted by the TV and occasional clacks of plates from the kitchen. The afternoon sunlight shone through the window, providing enough lighting to illuminate the room.

"The culprit seems to have used a Mizuno branded bat, season 3 edition. A limited edition bat that is impossible to simply say they bought it from the store. And I know just the person who would own one--" The show cut shortly within a blink of an eye, replaced with the grinning genius of the Saiki family "Hi~" Hacking is something Kusuke could easily do, so managing to project his call to their TV needed minimal effort to do.

When Kurumi heard the voice of greeting of her firstborn, she rushed to the living room whilst hastily wiping her hands on her apron "Oh, Kuu-kun!"

"Hello mom, little brother" Kusuke purposefully left out the greeting towards his father, but nevertheless, Kuniharu looked just as delightfully surprised as his wife upon seeing their son from the TV screen. Kusuo was not at the very least gruntled at the interruption, and he showed his displeasure through the glare he sent towards his sibling, knowing full well Kusuke could see it.

"It's nice to see you too, Kusuo" Kusuke beamed, completely ignoring his brother's exasperated stares.

"What brought you to call, Kusuke?" Kuniharu asked the bottomline question, Kurumi moving to sit next to him on the couch.

"My friend is moving there with her family. I didn't want her to, but the decision was already set. They already left the airport by now" Kusuke gave a downcasted look, catching Kusuo by surprise as his glare faltered. The mad scientist wasn't one for being attached to someone other than his family. Who is this 'friend' that Kusuke is so fond of, going as far as wanting her to stay with him? "I planned to visit every weekend, but school is taking up most of my time. So I'm entrusting her well-being to you mom, Kusuo"

Kurumi had a hand raised in front of her mouth, brows knitted as she absentmindedly let her next words roll out of her tongue "You mean the friend you're always talking about on the phone?" Everyone shifted their attention to the mother, looks of confusion aiming at her.

"–-You talk together often?"

"--You talk together often?"

Kurumi hesitated for a moment, having just realized she spoke out loud and in the presence of her other son and husband, before nodding at the two. The smile that once adorned Kusuke's face came back, "Yes, her" He confirmed.

If the psychic was intrigued, he didn't show it. But despite the lack of emotion and enthusiasm Kusuo was displaying, Kusuke knew he was curious. He knew all of them were "You would meet her soon, little brother. Don't get too excited"

And the glare was back.

•°●•°●•°●

"Why do I only know now about your frequent phone calls with Kusuke?" Kuniharu asked his beloved right after Kusuke ended the call. The sly scientist left with a smile that annoyed Kusuo to no end, and he knows his brother knows this. Kusuke even went to the trouble of prolonging the call until he left behind the end credits of the show his father and brother were watching. Kuniharu shifted his attention to Kusuo, an accusing undertone lying on his stare.

"Don't look at me like that. I don't know anything about this" Kusuo said, making his father look back on Kurumi, who was avoiding their gazes. The psychic tried to find any answers from the thoughts of his mother, but her head was overcrowded and disorganized, he couldn't understand. He didn't know if his mother was purposefully overcrowding her thoughts or simply too panicked to think straight.

"I thought we weren't supposed to keep secrets from each other, Kurumi?" Kuniharu continues with his questions, stating his wife's name to show how serious he was at the topic. Overwhelmed, Kurumi began to get emotional, words to answer her family's questions were slipping and untamed to form coherent sentences. She tried to keep calm, failing ultimately when her voice cracked the moment she had a word out.

"I'm so sorry! I promised Kuu-kun I would keep the fact of his friend a secret until he wants to tell you two! Kusuke just seemed so happy whenever we talked about his friend that I agreed. I didn't mean to keep secrets!" Kurumi cried, immediately being encased in the arms of her husband as the couple recited apologies to each other over and over.

Kusuo was confused, he knew his mother would have fussed over Kusuke's friend mentally, if not out loud, this is the first time he had a friend to call since forever. But since the topic involves Kusuke, he must have schemed in order for their mother to not spoil the secret. Kusuo waited until the cries settled down "Since when did you start talking to each other?"

Kurumi sniffed and wiped her tears. She slowly tapped a finger on her chin, taking a moment to recall "It was only recently, just last month"

Last month? No, impossible, no one could tear down Kusuke's walls that quickly and easily. He must have kept it to himself for years and only ought to tell his family now.

'Good grief, another nuisance'

==========

"Ah, coming!" Kurumi rushed to the door, leaving behind her broom and passing by Kusuo, who was busy watching TV on the couch. Kuniharu trailed after his wife, curious to see who was at the door after the intercom rang.

"Good afternoon, we just moved in the neighborhood. My name is Kanasawa Akina, and this is my husband, Kanasawa Aiken" Standing on their porch was a couple, each sporting a dazzling smile and semi-casual wear "I'm assuming you're Saiki Kurumi and Saiki Kuniharu? It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Kusuke-kun told me a lot about you, Kurumi-san"

Kurumi gasped, "Oh, you're the parents of Kusuke's friend! Come in, come in!" She opened the door wider for the two to enter. Kuniharu ignored the fact that his son did not tell much about him to Akina and Aiken, and moved beside his wife to let them in. Akina and Aiken bowed their heads a bit, apologizing for the intrusion, as they went to the living room. The Saiki couple followed suit after closing the door. By now, the TV was already turned off and the abandoned broom was kept.

'Thank you Kuu-chan!' Knowing her son could read minds, Kurumi mentally exclaimed

'Good grief'

"You must be Saiki Kusuo. Your brother seems fond of you, he always mentions you whenever we talk" Aiken pat Kusuo's shoulder, giving him a nod before walking past him and sitting next to his wife.

"Thank you SO much for looking after of Kuu-kun" Kurumi started once they were all seated, leaning her cheek on her palm "He left for college early, so we were worried he wouldn't know how to take care of himself properly"

Kusuo paid no mind to the conversation, he was perplexed at the silence coming from the Kanasawa couple's heads. There was only one person whom he cannot read the mind of, and that person was an idiot who had no use for thoughts. It is unlikely that Aiken and Akina are witless as well, so what was blocking him from listening to their thoughts? They also said they just moved in the neighborhood, so why didn't Kusuo know earlier? "Don't mention it Kurumi-san. My children have made quite a bond with Kusuke-kun" Akina smiled, glancing for a moment at Kusuo before returning her attention to Kurumi and her husband.

‘That seemed too suspicious. Are they maybe psychics like me?’ Kusuo commented while trying his best to not crease his brows. He opted to keep his blank facade to not worry his mother and disrupt their conversation.

"Children? Kusuke is friends with more than one person?!" Kuniharu's voice raised to a tone of disbelief, the meaning of his words sounding ruder than he intentioned. Kurumi concealed a gasp, elation beginning to flood her feelings. She tried to suppress the urge to cry tears of joy, instead, she displayed the widest grin she has ever made.

"Yes, my son initially befriended him since they were of close age in the college, before he introduced him to my daughter" Aiken explained, sighing a bit, "They are a handful whenever the three of them are together"

"Azumi is actually the same age as Kusuo-kun!" Akina added, clasping her hands together "We're planning on enrolling her to PK Academy. Since she's been homeschooled her whole life, I was hoping Kusuo-kun would help her cope with her new school, even if they're not schoolmates"

"Oh, of course! Kusuo attends PK Academy, too, so it wouldn't be much of a bother. Would that be alright for you, Kuu-chan?" Kusuo absentmindedly nodded, his attention focused on his attempt to see through Aiken and Akina's muscle and bones. Unlike towards the rest of the population, he does not need to blink after 3 seconds in order to not see through the bodies of the anomalous duo. He has been staring at them for more than 3 seconds and the sight of their bones have not yet been seen. Curioser and curioser.

•°●•°●•°●

As the sun set partially on the horizon, casting a soft orange glow on the landscape, the parents of the two families realized the time passed. "My, what time is it? How long have we been chatting?" Kurumi was the first to speak on the topic. Her son had long retreated to his room, during the midst of their conversation, but he could still hear them because of how his parents repeat whatever their guests were talking about.

With the information he gathered, this 'friend' that Kusuke wanted by his side, had an older brother. The older brother had a similar situation as Kusuo's brother; they both started college early. There, Kanasawa Atsuhiro met Saiki Kusuke, the latter being younger than the other. A year from then, they had Kanasawa Azumi join the two, and Kusuke became more attached to her overtime.

"Oh dear, there were a lot more stories I could have told" Akina frowned lightly.

"How about we invite them for dinner?" Aiken suggested, looking intently at the eyes of his wife "It's the least we could do for keeping them until dusk. Besides, you can talk more about the children that way"

To the words of her husband, Akina's eyes seemingly twinkled. She whipped her head to face Kurumi and Kuniharu "How about it? Would you like to have dinner at our house? I assume Azumi is home by now, you could meet her"

"Really?!" Kuniharu is now comparable to a child promised candy at the thought of free food. I mean, who doesn't want free dinner? "Then please wait for a moment while I go get Kusuo"

Kuniharu stood and dashed walked up the stairs, and the three in the living room continued their conversation until Kusuo came in with his father "Alright, let's go" Aiken said, standing up together with Akina and Kurumi.

The sun was quick to sink under the horizon. A few street lights flickered on to provide light for the few people walking and driving by, a gentle breeze blowing through the hairs of the Saiki's and Kanasawa couple.

"Do you have any preferences for dinner?" Akina asked once they were out of the Saiki residence and walking "Or perhaps do any of you have any allergies to anything?"

"Anything would be fine, we don't have any allergies that we know of" Kuniharu commented, passing by a tall and intricately designed metal gate.

"Where are you going Kuniharu-san?" Akina asked as she had a hand on the aforementioned gate, intending to push it open if she had not called out to Kuniharu. The aforementioned scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, walking back in front of the gate.

"This is our home" She pushed together with her husband to let in their visitors, a little flourish adding to the invite "Welcome to the Kanasawa residence"

•°●•°●•°●

"You have a lovely home, Aiken-san" Kurumi commented once they all sat down in the living room. Akina left for the kitchen to prepare dinner. "I still can't believe you live so close to us"

"It was actually Kusuke who suggested the land, we just renovated the house to our taste" Aiken said, placing down his glass of water before standing up "Right, you must meet my daughter, I will go and call her"

"To think they would be this well-off" Kurumi commented, whipping her head around to take in the interior design of the living room. It was spacious and fully-furnished, not what you expect from a recently moved in house. Kusuo took note of the modern style mixed with slight Japanese themes. An intricate and luxurious chandelier was pegged securely on the celing, and there were small framed photos on top of the mantelpiece not that far form where the Saiki family sat. Kusuo saw a portrait of his brother together with, whom he assumes were, Atsuhiro and Azumi. The girl was between the other two, an arm hooked around each of their shoulders as they bent down a little to accommodate the smaller stature of Azumi. Kuniharu leaned in close to Kusuo, his intent in mind. But before he could say anything, Kusuo cut him off with a glare. He planned to have Kusuo mooch off of their neighbor's daughter, but the psychic was not one for social interaction. He intends on just helping Azumi adjust to traditional schooling, because he promised his mother he would.

"Alright, everyone," They heard Aiken speak from the door, so they turned to face him "Meet my daughter, Azumi. Azumi, these are the family of Kusuke, Kuniharu-san, Kurumi-san, and Kusuo-kun" There stood beside Aiken, a girl with long hair the same color as her mother's, and eyes that are copies of her father's; turquoise and bluish-purple respectively. She dressed more casually than her parents, sporting a hoodie and leggings.

'I can't read her thoughts, too. Seriously, are they psychics?'

Azumi gave a tight-lipped smile, "It's nice to meet you Mr. Ku-" She cut herself off, clearing her throat before continuing "Kuniharu-san, Kurumi-san, and Kusuo-kun"

"Oh my, you're so pretty, Azumi-chan! You look just like your mother" Kurumi smiled, standing up and laid a hand on the girl's arm after she walked closer. A small 'thank you' left the mouth of the girl. "Kuu-chan here will be helping you with school, so I hope you two get along!"

The father and daughter walked to the other couch and sat, Azumi took a second before responding "Please treat me well, Kusuo-kun" She nodded her head courteously, and Kusuo caught a glimpse of something shiny on her ear when her hair softly swayed with her movements. He lightly squinted his eyes.

'An ear cuff? Is that what's blocking me from hearing her thoughts? Are the parents wearing similar jewelry?' Kusuo was intrigued, yes, but he noticed he seems so desperate to the point of suspecting a single piece of jewelry. He realized he was making a big fuss over the topic, and contemplated if he should just let it be. It may not be worth it to spend his thoughts so hard on something that seems so trivial. But it isn't. Kusuo's inner-self retaliated, no one else could block his powers like the Kanasawa's do. His powers, the ones that make him the most powerful in the world, could be neutralized without special technology like his limiters by a family of secrets. He wanted to know if there was a way to block everyone's thoughts, so he could finally reach his desired mental peace. He wanted to know if he is able to do it. However, In order to do that, he needs to get closer to Azumi to uncover the mysteries her family hides. He dislikes the idea of socializing, but if it would lead to the tranquility he’s been desperately wanting, he’d go as far as invite the other person over after school.

•°●•°●•°●

"Hey, about the whole 'helping with school' thing," Azumi approached Kusuo as the Saiki's were by the porch, ready to leave and go back to their home. Akina and Aiken exchanging farewell formalities "I get it if you don't want to accompany someone you just met everywhere starting tomorrow. I mean, I can take care of myself, so you can just do your own thing while I do mine. Don't wanna bother you too much." As much as Kusuo appreciated her intentions, he won't be backing down now that he's promised his mom and took interest in her family. If it were the previous him, he would gladly stay as acquaintances. Kusuo paused to form a proper response, but his parents were already calling for him a few steps away. He awkwardly shook his head—no, then walked away to trail behind his mother. His response, or lack thereof, perplexed Azumi to freeze and knit her brows.

"... What does that mean?"

==========

A/N

This was originally posted in Archive of our Own (Ao3), before my co-author and I decided to post this here in Tumblr, as well as in Wattpad and Quotev. Check my links in my bio for an easier access to my profiles.

#saiki kusuo no psi nan #original character #saiki kusuo no psi nan cast #reverse harem #fluff...?

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