#but I hurt and can’t Sleeeep

[just-a-tiny-goldfish]

I’m on my period again wtf we literally just did this like a freaking month ago

[11271976-07142023]

Part of my newly found happiness is knowing you’re not hurting anymore. I never wanted you to leave, to ‘end’, but I very much wanted your pain and suffering to leave, to end. It’s a relief, that you’re no longer going through that. I felt your relief when you came out of your body. I can’t ever forgot that feeling. Ever. It was something I never imagined I’d ever feel/experience. You gave that to me, somehow. I know I was the only one in that room to feel/experience it. It made me happy🥰. Hence why I was the only one smiling, with no tears. I was puzzled, bc I looked around like, omg did y’all feel that?! 😃! Butno. Nobody else did. They were looking at me puzzled. 🙃🙃🙃. You were still there, my love. In me, maybe ? I dunno but you were still very much going. One day I’ll experience what you did. I do hope to see you again. You haven’t been in my dreams. Not since the ugly dream. Of you fading in and out, and Canada falling in love with some new Pisces woman who was very much Andrea. Haha 🔪🔪🔪. I know I’ve been a fool. For too long. But you’d say he’s the fool. You have said that. You said fuck him. He doesn’t deserve me. You right.

I miss you. Holidays are not the same without you. I would’ve wanted you here with me. I wouldn’t have went back home if you were here w me. Bc it was always like, eh, we have each other, & that’s all you and I ever needed. I’m missing a part of myself, Kurtis. It’s best we had not lived together. It’s best we lived parted. It was drawn out that way bc this is all I could handle. I was partially weened from you. It’s probably why you couldn’t speak to me, either. Bc …that was all that you and I could handle.

I’ve been a wreck. A happy depressed sad wreck ?¿ I’ll get better. I left Fish outside of the cage bc he was sleeeeping on the carpet. I don’t think he’s going to try to come up here. I love that Calliope stood down with him♥️. She did that last night as well, but he was in his kennel then. She can’t lose her big poppa rn. I’ll try to extend his life as much as I can, if it’s what he wants, which so far, it has been what he’s wanted. You.. you were a little different lol I was the only reason you were fighting. And I’m certain even then you were questioning it. You knew as well as I did that you were coming here. We would have never left each other alone. And ppl can talk and assume their reasons, but nobody else mattered. Especially their idiotic reasons. You could’ve had so many other women. Women/girls 🙃. Cute girls. Small girls. Hot girls. But no, you still wanted Miss Piggy lolll. Definitely not putting myself down, just bein silly.

I’m not going to rush to leave. I’ll leave when it feels right. As I do w everything. You comin with? Help me drive? 🙂♥️. I miss our road trips. Even though we’d be at each others throats near the end lol.

I’ve loved. I’ve been loved. And it was all true. And if it doesn’t happen again, I’d be fine with that.

Do me a favor? Halp Fishy stay downstairs to rest with MsKittyCalliope? That kennel thing.. I understand why, but he’s better off outside of it bc nobody wants to lie next to their potty 24/7 lol no matter how many times I swap it out lol that litter is just so messy and it’s impossible to keep tidy. Him restin on the carpet is okay. I shoulda put him a blanky but I didn’t think. He could pull the one from the couch down. I’m not going back down there again rn. I don’t want to wake him. I should sleep. I’ll shower and pack my bag in the morning. Minimal bag. Lazy clothes. Probably no makeup bag either. I just want to go for one day then come back the next bc mommas gotta make some $, & Fishy needs to be home. I don’t want to hear it from my family. They’re lucky I’m even making the trip out there, especially for just a day. Maybe day & a half.. I’d like to get my nails done out there & get a pedi done 👀. ..haha. I’ll think about it. Only if I feel up to it, Kurtis. I’ll have to research prices lol I am keeping some, duh, you know that, I just don’t know which. I’ll know when I see everything. But I know you’d want me to sell some to make $ lol heck, you were trying to sell them, too. Maybe. I ain’t makin promises. I also am not looking forward to what ppl have to say if they see that I am but you right, fuck them. Nothing I do is anybody’s goddamn business. Just yours and you already know. And I can feel you encouraging me lol still doesn’t mean I’ll do it.. lol lie with me, will ya? Scratch my .. no loll not my back this time, for once. Scratch ma fat head. And call me Baby. Like you would do. Tell me you love me. I never ever got tired of hearing it. I could have said it more. I’m learning. I hid a lot of love for you. I regret that. I am sorry. I hope you know now how much I loved you/how much I do love you still.

[vslattae]

ALL I COULD EVER WANT

ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ʙᴄ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴋᴘᴏᴘ ɪᴅᴏʟ...ʙᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇᴅ ʜᴏᴡ ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ ʜɪs ɢʀᴏᴜᴘᴍᴀᴛᴇs ᴘᴀʏᴇᴅ ᴀᴛᴛᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ..

Paring: Taehyung x Reader

Warnings: ...tae kisses y/n but then something happens.., slight fluff, a little angst, taehyung finally isn’t a dick for a phat second,...and yeahhh new character yes.

ᴀʟʟ ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴠsʟᴀᴛᴛᴀᴇ

UNEDITED. i just wanted to throw a curve ball :)

Chapter 3. Well now what..

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you’ve been in the car for a little over an hour or two...Jk took over driving while jin and haru made themselves comfortable in the middle row of jins mini van rented by the company. Which left you and Tae in the very back.

You of course were struggling to sleep and even attempting to get comfortable laying your head against the window and thinking about the messages between you and haru before you left. See...you telling taehyung your feelings is like letting him win. Sure he was heavily a dumbass but you as time flew by you noticed how much he payed attention to you..it’s like he can read your mind half of the time.

Behind all those snarky remarks and dreading the times taehyung flirted with you, it was drastically easy for everyone else to notice how much you really didn’t hate Tae.

Taehyung noticed how uncomfortable you were only because you kept mumbling and tossing and turning in your sleep. So common curiosity he carefully picked your head up off the window and placed it on his shoulder so you could peacefully fall asleep.

“thank you tae” you whispered. He was shocked that you weren’t actually sleeping yet. He of all people other than your brother and Haru knew you were a deep sleeper among everyone else. See...sometimes Taehyung wished you spent more time with him so this lovely 5-6 hour drive in the middle of the night was the closest he ever got to you.

“ of course y/n, sleep you need it” he placed his cheek on the top of your head and finally drifted to sleep too until...jungkook pulled over behind namjoons car because everyone needed a bathroom break and jimin was hungry.

The lights came on and you arose from the short nap...only to find your head on Taes lap his arm around your small petite body and of course he was still sleeping. The company must have overworked him for the last comeback.

Glancing as his sleeping figure, you finally noticed how undoubtedly attractive he was. His long lashes, soft lips that were partially opened and his soft curly brown hair that almost overflowed his face, the quiet snores that came from him. Flawless was the only word you could think of...until he woke up stretching his arms up and yawning then to look down to catch you starry eyed looking at him.

“ is there something on my face? Am I drooling?” he jolted and then in return you chuckled. “ No..i Just thought you had something in your hair” you lied smoothingly more than you had hoped.

He gave you that boxy smile as everyone hopped out to stretch there legs. “ Oh my god it’s freezing” you shivered running to the warm body that stood in front of you which just so happened to be tae. It was about 10 pm and you were close to the water so you guess that made the weather change.

Everyone walked around taking pictures of the moon and the stars but you and tae were the only ones closed in by the cars. Then that was when you knew...you promised haru that you’d tell tae how you felt and now was the time to do it. sure it seemed rushed but...if you didn’t tell him now you were probably never gonna let it out.

Focusing back on the subject and focusing your eyes on the only person around you he just stood still staring at your lips... “ Tae why are you staring at me like that” you questioned him “pretty” was the only word that came from his mouth as he walked towards you pulling you in. His lips ghosted yours like he was hesitating whether or not this was good idea but then again his lips swooped down and mashed against yours.

Magical. You swear on your life no one has ever kissed you like Tae did..he was so soft and gently barely using any tongue just him and you pushed against each other kissing gently. Until his phone rang. Disconnecting from the kiss made you a little woozy but he pulled his phone out answered the call and pressed it to his ear.

“ oh shit..” he hung up both of you spinning around to only find...Ryujii. Taehyung ex...and his first love. He was so whipped for this girl when you first met but of course she was just an occasional girl that hung out with the boys but now she was back..

Everyone now turning back to get in the cars and now seeing this girl that taehyung used to mess with. You of course told yourself that you should have known better...so as always you ran to hug your brother and stand by yoongi.

“ oh hey everyone...my uh friends left me here and like i need to a ride to the closest town.” she smiled hooking her arm around taes. “ it’s okay if we drop her off right hyung?” Tae glanced at jin and of course he nodded.

Haru noted how quiet you were. you should have been laughing and cracking jokes but you just stood there emotionless. “ Excuse me guys i think y/n is sick give me a moment” haru chuckled and pulled you away from the crowd.

“ what’s wrong what happened?” her eyes widening.. “ are you sick? or like what happened to y/n is she possessed hellooooo” she waved her hand in front of your face. “....we kissed” you spit out. “ but now haru came back and you know how she is and i can’t keeping playing this stupid game haru...i wanna be like you and jin but obviously that’s never gonna happen because guys that Tae don’t go after girls like me.” you stood there fighting the feeling not to cry.

“ y/n hold up. you guys kissed like actually kissed kissed?” Her eyes frantically scanning your face. “ yeah..( you wiped your face a little )...yeah we kissed but it meant nothing and this is stupid..i just want to get to where we’re going and have a nice time with my brother.” you managed to get out laughing a little. “ okayy...i’m gonna ask if jimin if the car is open for you to ride in there okay? I don’t wanna have to pull you out of a police car.” She laughed as you nodded.

Jungkook came looking for you and haru hoping you two didn’t get kidnapped. “ my gosh y/n...are you alright? what’s going on.” he asked tilting his head to the side. “ oh nothing y/n is gonna ride with joon and them she wants to actually sleep but you know how loud jin snores..” haru covering for you as you nodded frantically. “Jins car is weird and i usually ride with yoongi and them” you spat out walking back to the others.

“ so joon..is okay if y/n rides with you guys?” haru looked at namjoon. “ yeah yeah of course she’s gonna have to sit in between yoongi and jhope. you know how jimin is” he laughed. “ wait why isn’t y/n riding with us?” Tae asked puzzled. “ because we’re taking ryujii and there’s no room.” haru looked at tae trying so hard not to smash his face through the window.

Finally back on the road jimin and everyone else started to question you. “ so you wanna tell us the REAL reason why you decided to ride with us? I thought you and tae sorted shit out?” Jimin asked. “ hahaha that’s what i thought to until his ex girlfriend came out of nowhere. He kissed me out of nowhere and bam just my luck..shit” you covered your mouth and now everyone’s eyes were on you. You covered your face in yoongis shoulder.

“ YOU GUYS KISSED?” Jimin screamed making namjoon swerve a little he apologized and sank back down. “ yeah... i mean we all knew you had a thing for taehyung but we didn’t think it get that far after you shut him out every time.” Namjoon snickers.

“ Can you guys please not be a dick for one second..i’m going through a crisis and i’d like to throw tae out of a window god i’m so stupid.” you manage to get out but as always everyone comforted you. “y/n relax...everything is gonna be fine you know she cheated on tae and he’s never gonna go back to her.” jhope stated. “ oh but you guys don’t remember her like a month ago sneaking out at like 4 in morning?” Jimin questioned. “ what the fuck..guys i think i have to go to the hospital..i might have to get checked for stds.” you chuckled out.

“ chill taehyung clean as far as we know but anyways he kissed you? like in a rough dom kind of way orrr” jimin poked your cheek and smiled. “ ew gross no he kissed me like i was the last thing on earth and now i’m confused and like at this point i’m throwing away my feelings for tae because i obviously can’t handle this type of shit” you poked jimins cheek and pouted.

“ you’ll be fine everything is gonna clear up and you’ll have your chance with tae...hopefully” yoongi inputted. “ yes but for nowwww we’re gonna use y/n as our pillow and sleeeep night everyone” jhope layed his head on your shoulder and you layed your head on yoongis and finally drifted to sleep forgetting everything that happened in the last hour and half.

———————————————————————

an: welp. taes kind of fucked up and bam you got drama now so yay :) btw...you know that, that kiss meant everything to y/n and she’s hurt but she’s bottling it up cause she’s bad like that :) Until next chapter flowers 🌸

BTW lmk if you wanna be in the taglist :)

TAGLIST :

@hantaev @strawverryxmilktae

[veesoapbox]

And Now...the Surgery Story!

My surgery was scheduled for November 30th, a monday. I had gone through a few weeks of various tests and sessions explaining everything I’d be going through. I even took a COVID test. It was terrifying. We drove down into a cordoned-off parking garage, where we met with a makeshift triage village full of tents and folks in hazmat suits, more or less. One swab later and we were out! 

Fast forward to the day of surgery. I was there early in the morning, and most of my time in the waiting area was spent having to repeatedly answer COVID questions. Then I went into a room and stripped down into my hospital gown, which was awful and didnt tie off, making it impossible to close. I then had an IV poked into my damn hand, and wound up lying in a dark waiting area. It was also cold. Very cold. 

They came in a wheeled me out a few minutes later. We went into the surgical room proper, where I was greeted with horribly bright lights and a ton of people in masks and scrubs. Things were getting real. My anxiety spiked as they explained everything that was going to happen, but they were very friendly and funny, which helped a LITTLE. I kind of remember them asking me something about anesthetic flavors, and then I was out. 

I woke up later that afternoon in a private hospital room. My partner was there, and the doctors were asking all kinds of questions and saying a bunch of stuff that went over my head. I couldn’t help it. I was groggy from surgery and barely there. 

The next few days were a blur. I mostly slept and woke up to ask for pain killers and go back to sleep. I wasn’t even up for eating for the first couple of days. I just slept. They came in to check on me CONSTANTLY, and kept asking me my name and birth date. They administered tons of medications. It sucked because I just wanted to SLEEEEP. 

My partner kept coming in to visit me, and would spend the days with me where they could. They were snowed in one day and couldn’t make it, but otherwise was there with me, and it helped. I still hadn’t SEEN my surgical site, mainly because I was so out of it and in pain. But I did eventually, and it was puffy, red and MAGICAL. 

It’s hard to explain what this feels like. I mean, I waited so long for this, and it was there. It felt totally right. I felt complete. In pain, loopy and confused, but complete. 

AND THEN THEY REMOVED MY SHUNT. This happened a few days later. I remember a thing that was sewn into me being removed stitch by damned stitch, and it hurt like hell. Then they pulled the shunt itself out. It felt like getting shanked. But it was out! All I felt was pain, but hey, it was done! 

When I felt good enough to eat, I pretty much lived on a diet of apple cinnamon grits, bacon, and cheeseburgers. They were the least terrible thing on a terrible hospital menu.

The end of the week came, and it was time for me to head home. I got what is called a zero-depth vaginoplasty, which means my recovery time was a bit quicker, at least in the hospital. So it was time to heal at home. I remember the guy who wheeled me out being an asshole who kept banging me into things. 

My homecoming was sweet, with my partner and kids having set the house up with all kinds of welcome home goodies. I love my family SO much! 

So here we are, around a month later. I’ve had a couple of follow up visits. The first one was to get my catheter removed. It felt weird as hell, but didn’t hurt thankfully. I just went back last week, and found that my body is healing up some areas a little quickly, and they had to use some chemicals to burn that away. It hurt. A lot. for a couple of days it felt like it was burning. And as I write this, I’m dreading a visit in another two days to see if it was successful. Yikes. 

So for the most part, everything is healing well. I’m doing well. And I’m happy. Very happy. It’s weird adjusting to things, like how I still expect there to be a penis when I go to the restroom, but I’ve got the hang of it. It’s funny how many things are totally different, yet the same too. 

And it was all totally worth it. I’d do it again if I had to. I feel so much better about myself and everything since this was done. I could go on, but I really can’t find the words to express my joy. It’s not like feeling a whole new me, but more like feeling like myself FINALLY. 

[im-fairly-whitty]

The Way You Keep Me Guessing: Coco Teacher!AU

[Arc 1]

Arc 2: [Together] [A Talk] [The Visit] [Time] [Shot] [Dropping In]

Chapter 7: Penultimate

When Hector had said he was going to breakfast with his mother, Imelda had been perfectly happy to postpone her Saturday’s plans to keep an eye on Miguel for the morning. But as morning turned into afternoon Imelda began to be annoyed, and as afternoon turned to evening without even an explanatory text from Hector, Imelda was beginning to panic.

Which was ridiculous, Hector was a grown man with his adult mother catching up after years of not seeing each other. Honestly, she should have expected his visit to go longer than they’d anticipated.

But she still couldn’t shake her growing anxiety as the sun set, leaving her alone in her apartment with only Miguel and her unanswered texts on her phone.      

“Is Tio Hector ever coming back?” Miguel huffed, pulling his blanket tighter and looking up at Imelda from where he was leaned against her side, both of them on her couch watching yet another episode of El Tigre, having moved to her apartment around lunchtime, “Did Tia Mari kidnap him or something? We were supposed to go see a movie today, Tio Hector promised.”

“Si, I know, but Hector hasn’t seen his mamá in a very long time, I’m sure they’ve just lost track of things.” Imelda said, ruffling Miguel’s hair but only getting a grumpy sigh in reply, “In fact,” Imelda said, checking the time on her phone yet again and keeping her voice light despite the grim feeling she got from seeing the time, “it’s way past your bedtime, even for a Saturday.”

“I don’t waaaant to sleeeep.” Miguel complained, slumping across her lap with a moan, his voice muffled in the thick blanket wrapped around him, “We don’t even have school tomorrow, can’t I stay up until Tio Hector’s home?”

“If I had any idea when that would be I might say yes,” Imelda said, her own annoyance with Hector starting to show, “but as it stands that might mean letting you stay up forever, and I can’t risk it.”

Miguel struggled and twisted in his blanket to look up at her, his eyes wide, “He is coming back right?” he asked, his voice that wavering tone that kids always got when they weren’t sure if an adult was really joking or not.

“Of course he is.” Imelda chided, hefting him up off her lap so she could stand, “Don’t be silly, he’ll probably walk in as soon as you’re in bed.”

“Sorry...I just, I know Tia Mari leaves for years sometimes...” Miguel said, sounding embarrassed as he struggled to untangle himself from the blanket. “Can I at least sleep here tonight?”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Imelda said, trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that had just come over her, picking up the remote to shut off the TV instead, “Do you want any more blankets?”

“No gracias.” Miguel said, pulling one of the throw pillows toward him and tugging the blanket up, only pausing to let Pepita hop up and curl up by his side.

Imelda hesitated, she really should get him to brush his teeth, but both of them were still in their pajamas from the morning anyway and she’d really rather find out where Hector had gotten to.

“Goodnight, Miguel.” Imelda said, flipping off the living room lights, leaving the kitchen lights on for him.

“Goodnight!”

Imelda pulled out her phone as she walked down the hallway, passing her bedroom door and opting for her front step instead, closing the apartment door behind her and sitting at the top of the outside stairs, the night air brushing past her.

It had been twelve hours without a single response from Hector, the sun had set and they’d had plans that day that had gone un-rescheduled, worrying about him was completely justified at this point, right?

Imelda unconsciously fiddled with her necklace’s pendant as she scrolled through her phone. Sending Hector yet another text or trying to call him again wouldn’t do much at this point, but...maybe...

She sighed, pulling up Ernesto’s number in her phone before she could change her mind.

This is Imelda, have you heard from Hector at all today? I haven’t been able to contact him since he left this morning.

She hit send, chewing on her lip as she rested her chin in her hand. She hadn’t talked to Ernesto in weeks, and from what she could tell he and Hector had been on thin ice for months now. She’d been unable to get Hector to talk about it at all beyond a quick unconvincing shrug and a “he’s just like that sometimes”.

She looked down as her phone vibrated.

Welcome to Mari. Where do you think Hector gets his unreliable idiocy from?

Imelda bristled, nearly shutting her phone off as another text pinged in.

Good luck having that thing as a mother-in-law btw, she’s been making him miserable our entire lives and he STILL rolls over for her whenever she appears.

The sick feeling in Imelda’s stomach intensified. Aside from apparently knowing about the engagement, as snarky as Ernesto was being he was also putting her fears into words and she knew it. What little she’d heard about Mari had been anything but confidence inspiring, making her sound more like an obstacle Hector had been trying to overcome his entire life, not like someone that could make things any better by her return.

And as much as she and Ernesto hated the sight of each other, he was the one who had grown up with Hector, he probably knew Mari as well as Hector did.

Imelda started typing a reply, discarding half a dozen much sharper options before settling on Please let me know if you hear from him.

She sighed, pressing her thumb against her eyebrow. Hector has come in late without telling her before, he’d gone a whole day without texting her before. But it had been so long since he’d done that, she’d thought he’d gotten better than that, that he’d-

“Getting some fresh air, diosa?”        

Imelda jumped, looking up to see Hector climbing up the stairway to her.

“Where have you been?” she asked, shoving her phone in her pocket and getting to her feet as he reached her.

“Everywhere, it feels like,” Hector said, sweeping her into his arms and kissing her. As he pulled back Imelda could see how exhausted he looked under his smile, “I’m so sorry I was out so long Imelda, I-”

“Why didn’t you text me back?” Imelda asked, consciously reigning in her anger and keeping her voice down. As much as part of her wanted to give in to his obvious desire to relax together, she couldn’t help the hurt and anxious feeling still roiling inside her. “I’m glad you’ve been able to reconnect with your mother, but we had plans today, I had things I needed to get done.”

“I left my phone at home, I didn’t even realize it was gone until after lunch.” Hector said, grimacing as he took her hands, “And then before I knew it, it was already dark. I’m really sorry for worrying you, it’s just, I haven’t seen my mother in so long, and she was so excited for me to take her all over the city.”

Imelda sighed, sitting down on the step again, leaving room for Hector to sit beside her. “So what was it that you two did all day then?” She asked, trying to let her annoyance drop. This was an extenuating circumstance, it would be unfair to stay upset about it. And besides, he was safe, which was what really mattered.

“Well, we did go to breakfast,” Hector said, sounding relieved as he sat down beside her, “then we talked for a long time...after that she wanted to see the school so we went there. Then she wanted me to take her around the city, then we dropped in on some of her friends, then we went to a performance at a bar she’d heard about.” Hector rubbed his face tiredly, “I think that was everything, she’s got an incredible amount of energy, I’ll give her that.”

“Did...you have a good time?” Imelda asked, looking over at him.

“Of course!” Hector said, quickly pulling his smile back on, “She’s my mother, it was amazing to spend a whole day with her, there’s so much I’ve missed out knowing about her.”

It took every bit of Imelda’s self-control to keep from correcting him, that Mari was the one who had missed out on him.

“Well, it sounds like you could use some rest.” Imelda said, moving to get up again, but Hector caught her hand.

“I, uh, actually I wanted to talk to you about something.” Hector said quickly, the anxious tone in his voice putting Imelda on edge as she slowly sat back down. Hector kept ahold of her hand, idly stroking it as he continued, “So, this morning, when we were at breakfast, my mother was talking about an opportunity she has for me and Ernesto.”

“Oh?” Imelda said, only years of professional experience keeping her voice level.

“Sí,” Hector said, his thumb tracing circles on her palm, “she has a lot of connections in the music world, and she has a friend who’s an agent with a recording label that Ernesto’s been trying to get in with for ages. We’ll still have to go through some hoops to get it, but this could be the big break that we’ve been looking for.”

What?

Imelda blinked, completely blindsided. She hadn’t even heard him talk about Ernesto’s channel in months.

“You’re still doing music with Ernesto?” she asked slowly, “I didn’t know that, you haven’t mentioned it in ages.”

“Of course I am! I mean, we’ve both put so much work into it for years, I’ve just been really busy the last few months with other things,” Hector glanced up at her for a moment with a smile before looking down again, “I can’t just throw all that work away...and if this panned out, then it could end up being a lot more lucrative than teaching.”

Imelda stiffened, “You’re...quitting your job?” She said, feeling a bit like she’d slipped off the top step.

“No! I mean, not yet, I’m just thinking ahead!” Hector said hurriedly, no doubt seeing the look on her face, “I mean, Imelda, when we’re married I want to be able to provide for our family, and if I got back to working with Ernesto on music full-time and traveling then I could make plenty of money for us. We could push back the wedding a few more months, maybe until next year so that when we do officially get married we-”

“Hector, what are you talking about?” Imelda asked, staring at him, pulling her hand away from his, “This is a huge change in plans, you’ve never even mentioned a possibility like this. You’re talking about being on the road performing with Ernesto for a living?”

“Look, I know it’s a little out of the blue,” Hector said, swallowing, “but I’d probably only have to travel for the first couple of years, and then when we settle down you and Miguel and, well, any other kids that might come along will have everything they could ever want.”

“Years?” Imelda said, staring at him in shock, “Hector, if you’re out traveling for years then what’s even the point of getting married?”

Hector sat back, looking like he’d just been slapped. The fragile stunned look on his face made Imelda’s stomach twist.

“Hector, no,” Imelda said, reaching for his hand again, “I don’t mean it like that, I’m just, I don’t know why your mother coming into town is suddenly changing everything.”

“It’s not, I just, I just want to make sure that you don’t regret this.” Hector said, the unsteady tone in his voice making Imelda panic, “This could be my chance to make sure everyone’s happy, I’ll get to spend more time with my mother, Ernesto and I will get to accomplish everything we’ve worked so hard for, and I’ll be able to give you the kind of life you deserve.”

Imelda felt disoriented at the extreme emotional charge in Hector’s voice as he leaned in intently, holding her hand tight, as if she’d boarded a bus going the opposite direction of what she’d wanted. She had no idea why he was so suddenly intent on being able to provide, or why he sounded like he was being backed into a corner, or why it looked like he was going to cry under the strain of some unseen weight. Maybe it was the strain of being engaged? Maybe it had something to do with something his mother had said?

All she knew for sure was that she had the distinct feeling that another wrong move on her part could do all kinds of damage, and she had no idea what that wrong move might even be.

“That’s...great, Hector.” Imelda said, pulling on a smile that she hoped would hide her confusion and worry, “Let’s both get some rest, alright? We can keep talking in the morning.”

“I’m sorry this is so sudden, I know I havn’t-” Hector started, looking like he was starting to panic as they got to their feet.

“Hector.” Imelda said gently but firmly as she took both his hands, “You’ve had a long day. We’ll keep talking about it in the morning, alright?”

Maybe by then she’d be able to figure out what to say without scaring him again.

“Alright.” Hector said with a smile, but his shoulders slumped a little.

“Miguel is asleep on my couch,” Imelda said, hugging him, “you’re more than welcome to stay over too if you’d like.”

“That...sounds really good.” Hector said, finally relaxing a little into the hug as he kissed the top of her head.

“You go on, I’ll come in a minute.” Imelda said, giving him a quick kiss before releasing him from the hug.

“Alright.” Hector said, tiredly kissing her cheek before turning to walk to her apartment, quietly letting himself in and closing the door behind him.

Imelda’s smile dropped away as soon as he was gone. She sat back on on the step with a tired whine, holding her head as she stared at the steps below.

Traveling with Ernesto? Quitting his job at the school to pick up a full-time career in music? Rerouting his entire life on the whim of a mother who had dropped into his life unannounced after years of silence?

The worst part was that she couldn’t even put her finger on why exactly the whole mess made her feel so uncomfortable. Maybe it was the suddenness. Maybe it was the fact that it revolved so heavily around two people she didn’t trust. Maybe it was the fact that Hector would be gone so much if his career really were to take off like he seemed to think it might.

But...could she really say no?

She’d spent months learning to let herself trust Hector, to really trust him with everything from their work lives to their home lives and everything in between. She’d had to consciously keep herself from controlling everything again and now it felt natural to let him steer their lives too.

And if this is what he really wanted, if he really wanted to pursue his childhood dream, one that could provide well for their family, could she really put her foot down over some abstract discomfort she couldn’t quite pin down? Being from a military family would make a spouse’s absence for work much easier for her to cope with than most other women...but she’d so hoped that particular challenge wouldn’t be part of her married life...

Imelda grit her teeth, rubbing her forehead hard. It felt like she was trying to do a puzzle with half the pieces and she hated it.

She stared up at the night sky. All she could do was hope beyond hope that the morning would bring some kind of badly needed clarity to her thoughts.  

 ***

 Ernesto, I’m REALLY sorry about this morning...I’ve been thinking about what you said and I think you’re right. On SOME things. My mother has a connection with Alex Hernandez at Discos Phenix she wants to set us up with, and I think this could really be our chance to get everything you’ve wanted, we can start over. My mamá says we’ve really got something special, that we can’t break up now. Give me a call when you’ve got a minute. I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight.

Ernesto didn’t need to read the text again, it had already seared itself into his mind word for word. He’d thought it was a third text from Imelda, but the prickly relief he’d felt at seeing Hector’s name on his screen had died as soon as he’d read his text.

That monster, that she-demon of a mother had turned his head right around. Promising Hector fame and success that she clearly wanted to hitch a ride on, taking advantage of his talent because she didn’t have a bit of her own in her own tastelessly dressed body. And the fact that Hector would jump so eagerly for her too, so starved for her approval, even when he should have kicked her to the curb years ago for the way she treated him.

Ernesto knew Hector didn’t want that, the kind of life Mari was corraling him into would take him away from his precious teaching job, away from his fiancee and even the kid he’d fought so hard for.

Ernesto rubbed his eyes, an unopened bottle of freshly purchased tequila gripped in his other hand as he sat on the hood of his car, parked near the liquor store he’d promised himself he’d never go to again. At least not when he was upset.

Meaning he was very much breaking his promise now.

He dragged his hand down his face as he looked at the pavement, feeling like his grip on the bottle would shatter the glass at any moment.

Because this should be everything he’d wanted. Hector agreeing to come back, being willing to give up time to work together again for their music career, getting away from Imelda for weeks at a time. They’d finally be going back to the good days when it had only been the two of them and music on the road together.

But Ernesto could see that was a lie. He had to believe that he’d been smart enough to know that before Mari had gotten involved, and that only made it worse. Because it meant he’d been lying to himself too.

He knew how badly Hector tried to please people, and if his mother appearing had cranked up the pressure enough to break him then Ernesto knew perfectly well that his own performance that morning had done nothing but help her, a thought that twisted his stomach. Hector would only be giving in to a plan like this if he felt like he had no other choice.

If Ernesto went along with it he already knew what would happen, how could he not after knowing Hector so long? Hector would be dedicated at first, they’d make fantastic progress.

They’d start traveling, the marriage would keep getting postponed, when it finally happened Imelda would be resentful of how long it had taken. The longer they were gone the more lackluster Hector would become, the more Mari got involved the more Ernesto would hate it.

And the kid, Miguel, he’d probably end up growing up with an adopted father who was as absent as Hector’s mother had been. And Imelda was probably completely blindsided by all this too.

Ernesto grit his teeth.

None of that mattered to him.

He could make it work, he’d pulled Hector out of slumps before and he’d do it again, once the money started rolling in Hector would see it was worth it anyway to keep his family afloat. Miguel would be fine with an absent father, heavens knew it was miles better than Ernesto’s father had been anyway. No one ever got what they wanted just by waiting, you had to reach out and take it, sacrifices had to be made. And if this was what Hector wanted to do then who was Ernesto to stop him?

Ernesto stared at the bottle in his hand.

When he’d bought it he hadn’t noticed that it was his father’s favorite brand.

Ernesto took a deep breath as he got off the hood of his car, nearly biting through his own lip as he turned and growled, hurled the bottle as hard as he could against the asphalt. The shattering noise was enough to make a group of teens across the parking lot jump and turn to stare at him, but Ernesto didn’t care. Let them stare at the shards of glass and alcohol all over his shoes and the cuffs of his pants. Let them see what a pathetic man looked like.

Ernesto’s hand shook slightly as he pulled his phone out, but his face was perfectly emotionless as he pulled up Carlos’ number.

Coming to crash at your place again. Might be there for a while if that’s alright.

Carlos’ reply was immediate.

What did you do this time?

I’m moving out. For good.

Ernesto took a deep breath as he dialed Imelda’s number before Carlos’ inevitable flurry of texts came. Getting away from Hector would be the first step to making things right, but if things were going to go the way they should then Hector’s fiancée was going to have to know exactly what damage she was dealing with. Both from Mari, and from him.

He still grimaced anyway as Imelda picked up.

“Hector’s already come home, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.” said Imelda’s crisp voice from the other end of the line.

“I’m about to tell you everything you need to know to fix this,” said Ernesto, not bothering to shake the glass off his shoes before getting into his car, which he already knew he’d regret later, “and you’re not going to like most of it and you’re probably going to hate me even more, but please know that the feeling is mutual and that you’re our only shot at keeping Hector from being miserable for the rest of his life. ¿Comprende?”

There was a long moment of silence.

“He told you about the music deal Mari’s offering?” Imelda finally asked, her voice as icy and professional as his, “It’s exactly what you’ve been wanting isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Ernesto said, starting the car. It was a good thing so much of his stuff was already at Carlos’ from when he was camped out there after the concert-gone-wrong, he wouldn’t have to stop by the apartment, “And I’m going to tell you, in detail, exactly why Hector should turn the offer down.”

 ***

 Of all the things Imelda had been prepared to hear Ernesto say, that had not been one of them.

“I’m sorry, what?” she said, reflexively checking her phone, as if it had somehow been the source of confusion.

“First of all, Hector’s mother is a talentless, self-serving leech,” Ernesto said, ignoring her, ��the deal itself may be good, but if she’s the one trying to rope Hector into it it’s not going to be because she loves him and wants to spend more time with him, it’s going to be because she thinks she can hang on his coattails to get some success herself. She’s never once shown real interest in him as a person our entire lives, and she has no reason to start now. He’ll think he’s reconnecting with her but she’s just using him.”

“Ernesto, I don’t think-” Imelda started.

“Second, Hector loves you.” Ernesto said, surprising her into silence, “If I take this deal I have nothing to lose, but if Hector takes it he’ll be stuck traveling with me for years. He’ll pretend he’s alright with it for as long as he can, because that’s what he does when he’s miserable, you’ve seen it, but the longer he’s away from you the worse he’ll be. His music will get worse, and his relationship with you will get worse, and he’ll start hating me for it and I’ll hate him back. I’d give it two years tops before everything is in shambles, unless one of the three of us dies along the way.”

Ernesto paused, as if waiting for her to push back, but Imelda stayed silent.

“Third,” Ernesto said, his voice getting harder, as if pushing through something distasteful, “I’ve...been pressuring him into something like this for a long time, so he’ll think he has no choice with his mother ganging up on him too, but he does. This morning we had a long talk where...I made him question if he was ready to be married with a kid at all, so...if he’s acting shaky about that it’s not your fault...it’s mine.”

“What?” Imelda said, gripping her phone.

“For the record, I still hate you for the way you treated him the first time around.” Ernesto said, his voice sounding sharp but tired, “But this time...I’m part of the problem, and hanging around is only going to make things worse. I’m leaving town to stay with a friend from now on. Whatever choice you and Hector make is up to you, I’m not going to contact Hector for a long time. We...both need some space.”

Imelda had wanted Ernesto to just leave for so long, but she had never pictured it going like this. The whole conversation was making her feel disoriented.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked, the only fully formed question she could manage.

“Because Hector deserves to get what he wants.” there was a tired sigh, “And...that doesn’t involve me anymore.” Ernesto said, “But that means you’re the one who has to look after him, got it? You’d better keep Mari off of him or she’ll eat him alive. And...congratulations on your engagement. You’d better take good care of him. He’d do anything for you, you know that right?”

“Yes. I do. Thank you.” Imelda said, oddly grasping at what might possibly be the correct response to a congratulations-threat like that. She was having strange flashbacks to a certain conversation with Elena back in Santa Cecilia.

“Well. Good luck.” Ernesto said, sounding a little unsure now that they’d arrived at what seemed to be all he’d wanted to say.

“You too.” said Imelda said, just as unsure as he was.

There was a long moment of silence, then a flat buzzing sound indicated that the call had been ended.

Imelda sat staring at her phone for a long minute, quietly processing what had just happened. That was perhaps the longest conversation she’d ever had with Ernesto, and she had no idea how she felt about it. It certainly hadn’t been friendly, but it hadn’t exactly been hostile either. Maybe just...pained?

Imelda stood, pocketing her phone as she turned to her apartment door. Exactly what she thought about Ernesto’s call would have to be decided later, for now it would have to filed away under Confusing Emotions to Unravel Later. The only thing she knew for certain at that moment was that Ernesto had given her invaluable information when he didn’t have to, and she wasn’t going to turn down that kind of help, no matter the source.

Imelda was quiet as she entered her apartment and made her way down the hall, only stopping to briefly check on Miguel, who was fast asleep on the couch. When she let herself into her bedroom she was sure Hector would already be asleep, but saw that he was laying in bed staring at the wall instead.

“Are you alright?” he whispered, looking over as she came in, “I was starting to worry.”

“I’m fine,” she said quietly, slipping off her flats and pulling her hair out of her ponytail as she sat on the edge of the bed, “Ernesto called, we had a chat.”

“What?” Hector sat up, something like panic in his voice, “Why did he call you? I told him to leave you alone.”

“It’s all right, Hector.” Imelda said, kissing his cheek as he joined her at the side of the bed, “He told me about your talk this morning.”

“But- why-?” Hector started, but Imelda took his hand, giving him a look that made him quiet.

“Ernesto told me that he’s decided to leave town.” Imelda said, keeping careful eye contact, “He’s decided to move out, he said he doesn’t want to be around to force your decisions anymore.”

“But...the music deal.” Hector said, looking entirely perplexed, “It’s what he wanted.”

“I think it’s still what he wants, but the question is whether you want it.” Imelda said.

Hector swallowed, looking down at their hands, “I want to make everyone happy, and I want to be able to provide for our family. If this music deal is what will be the best for everyone then I’ll happily do it, I don’t mind.” he looked up at her, “But...you don’t want me to take it?”

It would be so easy to just take control now and make the decision for both of them, like when she’d mandated every bit of their first relationship, or how she took control at work as his boss. She could easily repeat the long, detailed list of reasons Ernesto had given her to convince Hector not to do this. But that wasn’t how she wanted to start the rest of their lives together.

“Hector,” she said, putting a hand to the side of his face, brushing her thumb across his cheek, “you spend so much of your time thinking about others. It’s one of the reasons I love you. I also love you because you always make the best of whatever situation you’re placed in, no matter how tough it is. You always find the brighter side of things, and you always work so hard to reach your goals.”

She looked into his eyes, “That’s why I’m not at all worried about marrying you. I know that no matter what happens, we’ll do just fine if we work together. If you want to pursue this or whether you want to keep teaching I’ll support you, but I want you to choose what will make you happy, I don’t want you to choose based on what you think will make others happy. Not me, not your mother, not Ernesto. If you can see yourself genuinely being happy with your choice down the road then that’s what we’ll do.”

Hector watched her for a long moment in the dark room, lit only by the streetlamp light filtering through the curtains.

“But...what do you want?” he asked, sounding a little sheepish.

“I want you to be happy and fulfilled.” Imelda said gently, kissing his jaw as she put a hand on his chest, “That’s what I want. I trust you.”

“This would be a lot easier if you just told me what to do.” Hector said, resting his forehead against hers, a weak smile in his voice.

In response Imelda just kissed him, not the quick kiss she had given him outside, but a real kind of kiss that got him to pull her closer.

“I think we should both get some sleep.” Imelda said softly, running her fingers through his hair, “You’re exhausted.”

“Alright.” Hector said, his eyes still closed as he gently kissed her neck, “I’m sorry for today.”

Imelda shushed him, pulling him to lay down beside her and pulling the blanket up over them both as she curled up against him.

Tomorrow would doubtlessly bring it own concerns and issues, Hector would still need to decide what it was that he really wanted, but for now Imelda had to trust that he would make the right choice.

And make sure that Hector knew that whatever it was, that she would be with him every step of the way.

--------

Hey guys, as the chapter name suggests, this is indeed the second to last chapter of teacher!au. This is the last chapter I’ll be writing for the main storyline and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. <3

@slusheeduck will be posting their last chapter soon which will be the end of the main timeline. After that we will each have an epilogue piece we will be posting, but this is pretty much it you guys, after a year and a half of writing this thing I can hardly beleive it. 

Thanks so much for being such a wonderful audience, I hope you enjoy the upcoming grand finale end of Coco Teacher!au. We’ve had such an amazing time writing it for you all.

- Wit

[ethien]

Zelda having to babysit a drunk Link and s/o?

Oh yes, drunk hylians xD

It’s a short one. Hope you like it.

Zelda – princess ofbabysitting

POV Zelda

I was veryhappy when [Y/N] asked me for help preparing a little birthday party for Link.He usually didn’t celebrate it with none of us. But after meeting [Y/N] andstarting a relationship, some things changed in his behavior.

Weorganized a little room. While I prepared the decoration, [Y/N] thought aboutthe food, the drinks, the music and the guests. We decided only to invite hisdearest friends. The difficult part was Link to prevent to help us. He wantedto help, because it’s his party. I am glad [Y/N] could talk to him about it.It’s his party, yes. But we want to thank him for everything. So it should be asurprise for him what we plan.

He was notvery satisfied with the answer.

The day ofthe party came and everything went well, I have to say. Link was indeedsurprise what we did and if I am not wrong, I saw some happy tears in thecorner of his eyes.

The guestsgratulated him, he got some presents and the atmosphere was happy, calm andconfident.

I left[Y/N] with Link alone. They should have their couple time. I would onlyinterrupt.

However Ihave to say now…this was a huge fault.

I wavedgoodbye to the last guests and went back to the party location. It reallylooked a bit messy, but I remembered the good atmosphere. Everyone laughed,danced, ate or drank.

“Where arethey?” I questioned myself and searched for the lovebirds. I know from thebeginning of the evening that someone ordered some wine and other alcoholicdrinks. I also saw Link and [Y/N] drinking some of it.

I shook myhead. “I don’t think they would drink too much. It will not suit them”.

I laughedat the idea of Link being drunk. We are friends and he wasn’t stiff anymore inmy near. He didn’t talk much, but he knew how to have fun with friends. He wasnot the person who drinks too much.

The proof Ifound said something else.

There hewas. His head lay on the table, in his right hand a glass with wine I guess.

“Link?” Iasked and shook his shoulder softly. I heard some groans from him. So I shookagain. He turned his face to me.

He was allred in face and he was sleepy.

“Let mesleeeep…” he yelled at me and closed his eyes. Okay, he was drunk.

“Link, youcan’t sleep on the table”

“I…cansleep where I want.” He hiccupped. “I am…annnn…adult, you know?”

His voicehad another sound. A bit childish and higher. No one would expect him to be thehero of the kingdom. Not in this state.

“Your backwill hurt in the morning. Come. In your bed it is more comfortable to sleep” Italked to him. He opened his eyes again and looked at me. He straightens hisbody and tried to sit normally on the chair. It looked hilarious.

I know Ihave to help him in this state, of course. But it didn’t change the fact I wasa funny thing to watch.

He tried tostand up and I was proud he could. I went to him and support him with ashoulder. When he talks in a different way, so I guess going will be alsodifferent.

UnfortunatelyI didn’t expect him to be heavy. “Link please. I cannot go alone. You’re tooheavy”

He lookedserious into my eyes.

“DID YOUCALL ME FAT?”

“What? No.It is only difficult to help you when you don’t act like you should”

“Iam….don’twaaant to act…like you *hiccup* want. I am my own maaaan, you know?”

It was liketalking to a child. Only that he was a drunken man who behaves like a child. Ohhylia.

“Would youdo it when [Y/N] is here?” I asked him.

“YES. She’smy mommy..” I tried to overhear the last one. He needed his bed. And [Y/N].

I took himback to his chair and searched for [Y/N]. Laying on the ground.

“Ohno…please be not” I pray but it wasn´t. [Y/N] was drunk,too.

“Hey, wakeup please. Link wants to go to bed with you”

[Y/N] wakesup faster as Link. Maybe [Y/N] was more cooperative in the drunken state?

“He wanswhat?” [Y/N] started.

“HEY LINK”

Oh my,please no.

“YOU WANTTO SLEEP WITH ME RIGHT NOW?”

Whatsituation I am now?

“No.Sleeping. You can’t sleep together in this state” I tried to speak in their mind.

“And whaii?”

“You cannotenjoy it. It will be very sloppy and messy, maybe you both fall asleep duringit. And I guess he can’t get in the mood for it when seeing you”

“DID YOUCALL ME UGLY?”

I reallydon’t know how I managed it.

I put [Y/N]in bed after arguing. I could calm [Y/N] down and now they slept. I alsomanaged to get Link in bed. He talked while we were going about dancing flowersand a fantastic rose elephant he wanted to ride with [Y/N]. But he falls asleepwhen he was next to [Y/N] in bed.

I lefttheir room. I questioned myself if I should talk to them about the things theysaid to me. Despite the mess, it was quite funny to listen.

The nextmorning was hilarious. I sat at the breakfast table and saw both of them. Bothlooked awful. I guess they had a huge hang-over. They quietly sat next to meand ate a bit.

“Morning,you two. Sleep well?”

They shooktheir heads.

“You bothremembered nothing?”

They shooktheir heads again.

“Glad youhave me. I helped both of you to go to bed and it was quite interesting whatyou said or did”

Each ofthem got flustered and the tips of their eyes went to a burning red.

“Maybe thenext party not too much alcohol, right?”

They nod.

It was anice party.

[chroniclesofawkwardness]

Enter the Dragana

I.

The title is a homage to the 1973 film Enter the Dragon starring Bruce Lee. I don’t know if what follows will have anything to do with the movie, but Enter the Dragana sounded cool.

Meeting roommates can be exciting, nerve-wracking, or a host of other adjectives that describe the tension between humans. My first encounter with Dragana was very brief. We hadn’t said much more than “hi” to one another before she left on vacation to Greece for a week. My little head thought she was an attractive woman, but all I knew for sure was that one of the four small rooms in the Crazy House now had a new tenant to help Raymond and Vesna pay for their son’s private school tuition and the washing machine none of the tenants could use. 

In the summer of 2008, I took a bus from Novi Sad to visit my sister-in-law, who was attending the Trieste Joyce School in Trieste, Italy. I’d paid Raymond’s mother a portion of my month’s rent before I left and promised to pay the rest upon my return to Novi Sad. She seemed cool with it. Raymond, however, was not. All hell broke loose when I returned from Italy. Raymond felt I was late on my rent. I don’t know if this meant he and Vesna couldn’t pay their son’s tuition on time, but I knew I had to change my living arrangements before somebody got hurt because there was no banister for the stairs that led up to our rooms, or someone found out that we four roommates were living in the Crazy House without any formal rental agreement. 

“You and I should get our own place,” Dragana told me one day. I’d heard from more that one novosađanin that people from Vrbas were crazy, but I wouldn’t know the full extent of Dragana’s pantyless, partying ways until I agreed to share an apartment with her to escape the Crazy House.

The apartment was modern for Novi Sad standards. It had a decent-size living room and kitchen, along with an upstairs you could get to using a staircase where each step as designed for alternating feet. The lone bathroom was at the top of stairs, to the left was a large bedroom and closet. 

Dragana was already in party mode the first night we spent together at our new place. Dragana had already taken the bedroom upstairs, so I laid claim to the pullout sofa bed in the living room. I soon noticed an odd reddish glow coming from the kitchen. I discovered that Dragana had used red nail polish to paint the kitchen light fixtures red. I worried that her artistic endeavor could be a fire hazard. All she cared about was whether or not the music was loud enough. I couldn’t fall asleep later that night because Dragana and her guy friends didn’t seem to be able to stop talking for more than ten seconds. As I lay on my back plotting my revenge on the sofa bed, one of them came downstairs. He must have detected that I was pissed off by the lateness of the hour and the unending noise. 

“I sorry brother,” was all he said. I wanted to tell him that he couldn’t just stick brate on the end of a sentence and expect that we’d be instant homies,

Dragana had a seemingly endless stream of male friends. I think Bojan’s father owned a construction company, which would explain why Bojan would always leave some money for Dragana either before or after a night out. Srđa would pull up porn sites on Dragana’s laptop and die laughing as she’d squirm uncomfortably. Boško had beaten up his girlfriend and spent three years in prison for involuntary manslaughter after shooting the wrong guy while working as a nightclub bouncer. Dragana said he regretted not bringing me a gift. She never said what the gift could have been, but I didn’t think Boško was the type of guy I should accept gifts from. 

For all of Dragana’s male friends, the guys she loved were the soccer players. 

Mladen played soccer for one of Belgrade’s two major sports clubs, Partizan (Partisan). I don’t know how he met Dragana, but I do remember that damn ham sandwich. Once, as I was tossing and turning on the sofa bed trying to fall asleep at around 4 AM, the room flooded with light from the hallway, Dragana and (this time) Mladen were home. I decided sleeping was pointless and I’d just get out of bed. As happy drunk Mladen stumbled toward me with the sandwich, he yelled something at me I’ll never forget:

“NOOOO SLEEEEP MYYY FRIEEEEND!!!”

“Shit,” I thought. This is going to be a long night. I was hungry, so I accepted the sandwich without knowing where it had been. As I ate, Mladen and Dragana swayed and sauntered up the stairs as best they could. Soon after, I could hear music playing in the bedroom, but more prominent were the unmistakable sounds of human copulation. Wide awake, I lay flat on my back with my eyes open. I could only take it all in. I don’t remember how long their session lasted. The next thing do I remember is Mladen leaving our apartment at about 8 AM. I never saw him again. Dragana’s belief that she was special in his eyes was misguided after all. 

When she came downstairs later, I confronted her about the previous night’s soundtrack:

“I heard you and Mladen fucking last night. I don’t care if you do that, but if Mladen is going to be in town, could you let me know so I can crash somewhere else?”

“But… I had the music on!”

“I know… I heard that too.”

I slept upstairs after that. 

II.

At that time, there was what I considered a trashy British TV show running on Serbian TV called Footballers’ Wives; the day Dragana showed up at our door with a Maltese puppy, I thought we might get our own spinoff, Footballers’ Dogs. 

Leno the Maltese belonged to another soccer player, Diarra, from Senegal. I think he was under contract with Belgrade’s other major club, Crvena zvezda (Red Star) His relationship with Dragana wasn’t sexual that I know of, but somehow they made an arrangement for Dragana to look after Leno while Diarra was playing in Turkey. 

We were only supposed to have Leno for a week, but he stayed with us for nearly a month. Dragana would complain that she’d take him out for hours but he wouldn’t relieve himself. Once, as soon as they hit our apartment door, Leno ran expertly up the stairs (much more deftly than Dragana’s own thoroughly confused Shar-Pei) and shit in the corner of the shower cabin in the bathroom. I don’t know if the little guy was waiting for the privacy of being behind a curtain, but he looked up at me afterward with a sense of accomplishment, as if to say, “Look what I did!”

I already knew Dragana could be gone for hours, days, and sometimes weeks at a time. As long as she paid her share of the rent, I didn’t mind. I thought sleeping upstairs would mean I’d see her even less. Sadly, any hopes I had that a change in sleeping arrangements would bring me a measure of peace were quickly dashed. 

Many people Dragana’s age were students at the University of Novi Sad. Dragana, on the other hand, had openly bragged to me not long after we moved into the apartment that although she was technically a student, her parents paid off her professors to give her credit for attending class. I never once saw her with a textbook of any kind. She thought of herself as a model and tried to get me to vote for her in the Ms. Serbia on Facebook contest in or around July 2008. She came in second place. Her performance must have been a boon to her confidence because her modeling aspirations led to two of the most bizarre incidents of our time together. 

On one occasion, she called me the night before she knew The Man in the Cowboy Hat and I would be passing by Štark Arena (formerly Belgrade Arena) to ask if I could bring her the hair extensions she sometimes wore. I don’t know if she had a photoshoot scheduled, or what. Picture me with an old-school Nokia in one hand rummaging through a woman’s closet with the other:

“Which one? Blonde or brunette?”

“The brown one!”

“Can’t I just bring whatever looks like hair and let you sort it out?”

Click.

Another time, she’d been to a club opening and hadn’t come home that night. The only phone in the apartment was downstairs. It rang five times, stopped for a few seconds, and then rang several times again. I ignored the ringing at first because I thought it was just Dragana’s grandma being persistent. But, by the time the pattern had repeated itself for what felt like twenty minutes, I was in panic mode. 

My brother was serving in the U.S. Army and had been deployed to Iraq. As the ringing kept on, I began thinking the only person who would call so many times was someone from the U.S. Embassy in Belgrade who’d somehow gotten my number and was calling to tell me my brother had been killed. 

When I finally answered the phone, I was boiling mad and sick to my stomach:

“Is Dragana there?”

 I’ve never been so angry at another human being. I yelled something like this at him in English:

Listen, you stupid motherfucker. Do you have any idea what it’s like to think your only brother is dead and you’re about to get the worst news of your life? If you EVER call here again, I will find you, and I will fucking kill you. Understand?

He was calling because Dragana was late for a photoshoot. 

After that, the phone didn’t ring for the rest of the day.

III.

The last incident I’ll never forget occurred when Dragana and a group of friends came to our apartment to remember a friend of theirs who’d been killed in an accident. Dragana was inconsolable that night and repeatedly mentioned taking drinks for her friend’s soul. I never got the person’s name, nor do I know exactly what happened to him or her. I was upset about all the noise she and her friends were making, but at the same time, I’ d never seen Dragana so emotional, so human. She never mentioned her friend or what happened that night around me again. I suppose some things shouldn’t have to be rehashed. 

Dragana was practically living in Belgrade by the time I moved out of the apartment. It was a miracle she paid her portion of the rent for as long as she did. My life was never quite the same after Dragana entered it, which is not a bad thing. I appreciate the experience. Wherever she is today, I hope she has consistently found whatever hair extensions she’s needed. She reminded me that no matter how different we think we are from another person, we all share in a common humanity, with a seemingly infinite capacity to frustrate and fascinate one another. 

Choose your roommates, partners, and puppies carefully.

[lady-fiona-rossi]

[miss-sad-marshmallow]

Heyyy guess who can't sleep at 2 am and has to get up in 6 hours (that doesn't sound like much but I need at least 8 hours of sleep to function) Spoiler alert: It's me I am just so restless and hungry and my belly hurts (ill be on my period sooon Yay) And just I want to sleeeep

[themadnerdwithahat]

karolsen.

Eeek, I took forever answering this. Sorry and thank you! :)

who holds the umbrella when it rainsJames holds the umbrella and they huddle under it together

who is the grumpiest in the morningThere are rare days when Kara is the grumpiest and just wants to sleeeep and not have to get up...its shocking when she’s not a morning person. 

who worries more when the other is sick/hurtHmm...kay I’m gonna say they both worry about the same amount cause...James worries but at the same time does his best not worry because he knows Kara is strong and will be okay but there’s always still the fear. And Kara worries because James is out there as the Guardian with no powers and could get hurt but she knows he just wants to be a hero buuut still the worry is there.  

who plays pranks on the otherKara tries to play pranks but they don’t always work out unless she gets Winn to help out..

who is always the first to suggest cuddling on the sofaBoth often suggest cuddling...but Kara more often is the one to intiate cuddling by just cuddling up on his side until he wraps an arm around her...and then cuddling.

who insists on creating nicknames for the otherJames attempted to give Kara a nickname but they aren’t really the nickname type none of the nicknames he came up with felt right and he isn’t a fan of nicknames so Kara’s never tried to come up with one.

who drools on the other when they’re asleepHmmm...neither. Maybe on the rare occasion Kara drools?

who says ‘I love you’ firstUhhhhhhhhhh...hmmmm.....James says it first....Kara has tried on multiple occasions before to say it but she can’t word it properly and tries to show it and say it through actions because she acts better and probably during one of those times James just chuckles at her and says he loves her too and Kara gets all flustered and kind of grumpy cause he knew what she was trying to say but let her blunder on foolishly...

Send me a ship

[muxmuxmux]

passed my math class!! (It was only a month long, lol) and also passed my vital signs test!

have a lecture test Monday along with a complete test on every skill (including a full head to toe assessment) on Tuesday that if I don’t pass, I fail the entire class

nursing school stresssss

also as we were leaving lab earlier this week my lab instructor Jokingly told us not to get sick

guess who is sick now

me

my nose and sinuses throb, I can’t stop sneezing and me throat hurts. on top of that I have a uti. I am le miserable. :C

I just wanna sleeeep

[astroellipse]

Finally continuing with the msq, need to note some things

ended up putting many screenshots in here by the end

I... have not been quite so sure on what the Final Days actually were for a while now. It all seemed vague, but apparently it was explained in some detail and I just forgot.

“Though yet confined to the lands across the sea, a terrible phenomenon afflicts our star. They are calling it the “Final Days.”

"Once that happens, all is lost. Fear, pain, despair...every dread impulse is siphoned from our minds and given substance: an eternal fall of fiery rain; an incessant spawning of nightmarish beasts...”

“ ...Yet oh how the star had suffered. So many species lost. The land was blighted, the waters poisoned, and even the wind had ceased to blow.“

Alright I got completely sidetracked 1. because good story 2. I was sorta racing this other guy bc I’m like that but also helped him at one part so it’s all good. I’m now sitting waiting in queue for the final boss. I hope he manages to catch up with that last dungeon and queues for this in time to be in my party that would be fun.

This whole sequence still gets me so giddy, man. That last cutscene was funny because I was in my dancer outfit which. This doesn’t show much but look at his cute lil flowers.

oh damn that’s what the actual screenshots are like, the one saved by the game. slaps the title right on it huh. Anyways this was such a serious scene, the WoL challenging Emet-Selch for the fate of the world, and for hurting their friends. And Doran’s making his stand in a loose top and short shorts. I’m doing the final boss as DRG cause cannon class and I prefer it in solo fights over DNC... it at least looks a bit cooler. The light here isn’t exactly flattering but impromptu picture:

I think I’ve mentioned before how goofy his face looks at times. This is one. Catch him in the wrong lighting and he looks so so so weird. Actually this image is still bad cause it doesn’t show his claws, or his pants very well but whatever. Oh, and you can’t see his horns very well at all... I’ll have to take better pictures later.

Huh, the weather here is called “Termination”. That’s a fun detail. I’ve been sitting in this queue for 20 minutes. Just me and this other DPS so far it’s sad. I don’t wanna leave cause THE song is playing. And I wanna see if the catboy I was racing with before shows up... assuming they can. I know you can see other players in the-

oh here we go!

oh my god. we skipped an entire mechanic that was fun. and i got 2 comms :) i uhhhh didn’t actually play well like, at all? probably should have done something else to try and remember how to play DRG lol. forgot to use my dragon eye for so long. and after the phase change i didn’t use blood of the dragon in time to get off my full combo the first time. butttttt it’s fine there were plenty of others with probably capped gear to carry me.

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE THIS GAAAAMEEFMEKMkfb just. god. this is so good. here are some screenshots from the last cutscene.

Anyways it’s official I’d die for Doran. Love this dude who is debatably also me but not really. There’s a positive message about self love there I think. Something freeing about taking a character you project onto and making them cute as shit and putting them in stupid also debatably sexy outfits. I have not taken a picture of my taking outfit yet. I’ll have to do that soon I am quite proud of it it’s funny.

oh fuck it brought me straight to the ocular hell yeah. picture time.

he is also wearing claws in this outfit, this time in red to go with the horns. also realized you can see his DRG outfit pretty much in full in the previous screenshots so no need for that. oh my god. I swung my camera around and all the scions are just standing there... but Urianger is the nearest and his head is snapped to Doran lmao.. just.

Very cute. Very unfitting for that one cutscene. Nice to have him mistaken for a girl. I’m glad that my level 80 relic weapon goes well with my outfit. The same cannot be said for some others. Why are SMN and DRG’s weapons so ugly? It’s unfair. AST’s is really pretty and I’m using it now.

Oh and here’s another one to show ANOTHER effect of funny lighting.

Look at his eyes. They look ghastly it’s so funny. This happens in the Adder’s Nest whenever I stand at the desk to do stuff. anyways more msq

I’m glad this is the last time I have to hear Varis speak. Oh my god I love Zenos he makes no goddamn sense. His dedication to the WoL is adorable.

I’m glad I managed to get all the role quests done before I finished the ShB msq but. Jesus fucking christ is this the same paladin lady from all those flashbacks??? The one that did that devious smirk in the healer role quest???? Has she been here this ENTIRE TIME?????????????? Hm. she wants. To speak in private. uhhhhh...... UH. THE TRUE VILLAIN OF THEIR STORY??? MEET HER ALONE ON THE ROOF??????? REPAY ME?????????????? Wait is she... confessing? To something? And wants me to kill her? She orchestrated this. From the very beginning before the WoL was really known? Huh? Oh and now we’re putting the timeline together. I played them super out of order I think but I have a rough idea. Alright I know that Cyella here is Cylva. But. She sounded repentant in the beginning, and... is smirking every time she talks about how everything went according to plan. What, is she just explaining all this before she kills me or finishes whatever she started or... I don’t even know. The... transformation... was intentional... what the fuck is the timeline here I’m lost. Like,t he world was meant to end with the flood why and how was she planning shit for after that.

Hydaelyn... made each party member a Warrior of Light in turn, only after they had made a suitably heroic sacrifice. What of our WoL, then? They received their first crystal after- actually no this line of thinking is stupid. The WoL was obviously chosen for a very specific reason. That’s why they were able to collect more than one crystal of light. Probably them being Azem, and... whatever they did during the time of the Final Days.

Oh is she *the* Shadowkeeper? Huh. She’s kinda cute tho? Why do I like elezen so much I’m fucking cursed. uh. sword? flashback? HUH? Alright she is it. But she really did like them?

OH. And Ardbert didn’t sacrifice anything either. But he’s also Azem!

From a world shrouded in dark... she’s from the VOID?????????????? WHAT.

Oh she was just inducing a flashback okay.

Oh she’s a WoL from the Thirteenth. A friend of Unukalhai?? Oh she was tricked too. Ardbert spared her, thus averting Calamity at that moment. Then he went after the Ascians and caused it anyways. Oh okay the transformation to sin eaters was not the goal, I think her words were purposefully meant to lead you astray. Oh. Ew. Vauthry did that to them. Fuck that guy.

Okay. She does want me to kill her. Honestly I think the WoL should kill her, not really as retribution but just to grant her rest. Atonement, instead. “You would have been good friends, you and Ardbert” fuck you game he sacrificed himself for me just a couple of hours ago.

Aw sick I got the cool title. “Living Memory”. And now I have to get to Reflections in Crystal to do the next one.

hghhggh. FUCK. HE BLINKED. I tried taking a screenshot of Urianger and Doran in the buggy ont he way to the empty but in the first one he’s stillt alking and the second blinking. goddammit. Anyways I will not lie to you I don’t care for the Eden raid questline. Lets me see Urianger more but that’s it. I don’t care about Gaia. Like Ryne and Gaia are cute but the WoL is at any given point a 3rd wheel to either Urianger/Thancred of Ryne/Gaia and it’s annoying. Time to skip some cutscenes babeyyyyyyy. also. there’s something wrong with me look at them.

he’s so goddamn tall... why is he nearly my platonic ideal of a character this is ridiculous.

it’s been hours since I last typed anything here it’s time to sleeeep

[ultravioletness]

uuhhj fck my legs hurt (???) and it’s super cold and I can’t fall asleep let me sleeeep

[mango-hell]

I can't fucking sleeeep

I just keep thinking all the bad things in my life and what I should've done differently. And I miss my friend but I can't forgive him even though I really want to. And I have a hard time to talk about all the stuff that I've experienced because I don't want people to hate those people who hurt me. Because there is still so much good in them. And I could've done things differently so none of those bad things would've happened.

[absolemdipity-blog]

Urgh

Been awake for like an hour and i just wanna blow my brains out. What's the point of dragging myself through another day just to do the same the day after day after day. The only person that's been to see me lately is A. He made sure I got home safely the other night. We ordered food but he stayed for an hour after I fell asleep. WTF. This is one of the reasons I got pissed off before. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP. I DON'T WANT AN OLD MAN WHO HAS SAID HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME , WATCHING ME FUCKING SLEEEEP!!!! Now I dont want to talk to him again. I haven't not really. Only to find out what happened the other night. He was able to fill in the blank(s) . Things made more sense. But I still can't go back. Not got any safe places left. I'm in a new house. And that doesn't even feel safe. Its been so fucking noisy this weekend. I dnt mind the odd party n that but when you are shouting and screaming in the street. Two nights in a row. I will find you. And I will go Tazmania Devil on ur arse. And there is my conclusion- one day someone is gonna get badly hurt by me. And actually when i think about it , going off all the bullshit that people say to people with mental illness especially trauma related - it's not your fault. Except when the tornado hits and your stood in amongst the rubble with nothin but blood on your hands. You're vulgar , unsafe, scary, insane, a danger; and everything is all your fault. Sorry, you're not welcome here. You're not welcome anywhere.