#but I honestly haven't had the energy for it so I went w/ what I'd been liking most

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for filming parts of concerts? I love going to see live music whenever I can, and before recently, I was very much of the opinion that there was no point in filming the songs you're listening to because they wont be worth listening back to anyway bc the quality will be so bad, so you're just wasting your time not enjoying the music when thats what you paid so much money to go there to do! But now I have a better phone that actually does manage to capture the moment pretty well, I really like recording sections of songs to listen and watch back later on. I post them on my private instagram, but they are really just for me. It's really nice to be able to go back and not just remember that moment that you were there better, but also feel the energy of the crowd and stuff like that and relive it just for a moment, and any time I haven't captured part of a concert I've been to I've regretted it later on.

Thing is, I also agree that there is literally nothing worse than standing in a crowd and not even being able to see the damn stage because all you can see is phone screens! It's really disruptive and takes you out of the experience. So I try and strike a healthy balance with it. I only record like, one chorus, maybe at /most/ a minute of the song (but even then I feel cheeky), and I do not do it for every song, like maybe 3/4 out of the set list, just my favourites or the most popular ones. I dont want to be standing there recording the whole song anyway, I have moshing and jumping and ugly scream singing to be done that can't be done when I'm recording.

But I do wonder if even recording this much makes me a horrible hypocrite and an asshole full stop. Like I said, those people who stand there recording the whole concert start to finish literally make me want to tear my eyes out (i've stood behind people like this before and spent the whole concert trying to dodge around their phone screen). The last concert I went to, I was recording the opening section (along w/ many many others) and some guy behind me screamed at everyone to put down their phones and I had a bit of a come to jesus moment bc I'd literally done /exactly that/ a few concerts ago and it made me wonder. Honestly even if I am an asshole for this, I probably wont stop :') . But I at least will accept that I am a little bit of the very person I hate. So is life.

So AITA for recording small parts of concerts to watch back later on?

[ibelieveinghost]

4/7/24

up-dates!!!

1st off!: got my visa!!! finally!!!!!! actually, i got it on Wednesday but never found the energy to write here haha. oh! i graduated on Friday too and somehow talked the school into refunding the rest of the tuition. so everything went great in the end.

but seriously. i haven't write in so long, and i'll try my best this morning(rainy Sunday vibes yay!) to cover as much as possible. ok moving on---

i've been drawing/sketching on and off, and it sorta feels like a habit. lighthearted efforts and ease, something i rarely experience w/ making art since...since high school.

i've been updating more consistently on my blogs/twitter now. i got some response. some. not as much as one'd wish haha. but honestly, i felt so grateful that people are liking my stuff.

on the other hand, the job hunting has been going... well it has been going! not a ton of jobs being posted out there since early March, and i'm starting to realize that i'm only pretending to be really wanting certain positions. i got so accustomed to idea of working as a researcher/scientist, but. man. wasn't that why i left school in the first place, that i fucking hate it despite pouring ~10 years of my life into it and seemed to be going somewhere. having bright prospects and all. now that i knew. well. i need a little more time to think and un-think, to not rush ahead, and be complete honest w/ myself. getting the visa means i got all the time i want. so again, all worked out in the best way possible.

oh yea! birthday coming up in couple weeks! woo hoo! been planning a little overnight trip somewhere! probably 軽井沢 or 伊豆高原. idk! haven't gone anywhere not Tokyo/Yokohama since early Jan, and traveling alone is totally my thing! actually, growing older is so much cooler than i'd thought when i was in my early 20s. but like. past me: imagining feeling more grounded, taking things less seriously, and being more in tune with urself.

ok! dumping some photos seem like a good way to continue:

(reverse chronological order)

(コメダ I literally come here everyday now lol)

(graduation cert came with a bear! + my lamys... i'm not collecting them! they're super easy to write to write with and i adore the bright neon colors that's it!)

( i went to the 4D special viewing of prisoner of Azkaban and man---it worked so well w/ the 4D format. i mean it is the rainy/icy snowy one of the 8, so a lot of spraying water on your face situations! i was wearing a wide grin the whole time i guess. it was so much fun. that being said, i def shed a few tears near the end when harry realized no one's coming to save the two of em, so he stepped out and did what he didn't even know he's capable of. a scene my younger self never managed to relate to. but it def resonates now.

i love this movie so much, probably my fav out of all of them. watched it at the theater w/ dad when i was probably in...middle school or younger?)

(awww)

(the day i got my visa)

(date w/ S!)

(dinner later that night, w/ the gang)

(us, acting a little stupidly ha + interesting cards i took from the bar)

(last Sunday)

(the komeda near ogikubo station, it went all orange that day + cute lil book i might come back and buy later)

(the night i last hang out w/ A)

damn we're reaching the 30 photo/post limit

so guess that's that! i'm coming back to wrap up this epic photo dump soon(later today)

it felt so nice to just recounting my life, sharing all the bits and pieces on one had ever asked for. to me, it's a cute and ultimately therapeutic thing to do. my future self must be thanking me for taking the time to record everything haha.

anyway! see ya soon!

[spacecadetspe]

Oct. 22, 2023

I took Friday off. W woke us up early with a hacking, gasping cough and hysterical tears. I wound up taking him to the doctor instead of school. He has croup. I swear, I thought only toddlers only got croup this bad! The doctor gave him a single dose of oral steroids and sent us on our way with a note for his teachers.

I spent my paycheck from teaching almost entirely on groceries. We ate dinner at a local authentic Chinese restaurant where we were able to get some soul-warming soup, and where W learned that spicy food was good for his stuffy nose. I got crispy intestines, which were stuffed with leeks and dusted with white pepper. Absolutely phenomenal! I was surprised there was nothing left when we were done!

Because W was sick, I made roasted tomato soup. I'm surprised I made it that far, considering I haven't been sleeping well.

Vassilios came into my suite and draped a hot wash cloth over my forehead on Friday morning. He told me that because of the frequent interruptions to my sleep, I had become unresponsive, and Phantasos had had to carry me back to my quarters. I'd broken my crown chakra in several places.

Vassilios reset my crown, which felt like several consecutive spike headaches, and had me on bed rest while I recovered. Phantasos dropped in to keep me company, which Vassilios doesn't seem to trust.

Honestly, I'm not sure about Phantasos. He's nice. Very nice. And I guess that makes me a bit suspicious. He hasn't done anything to warrant my suspicion. When we had our last fiasco, he was the first of the brothers to embrace me; to trust that I had their interests at heart. And Phobetor was the last... and as far as I know, he still isn't sure about trusting me.

Phobetor deliberately placed me at two arms' length, and I'm sure in time he'll have his own regrets about keeping me there. But in the interim, I'm more wary of others' intentions toward me.

Great. Another trauma response.

Still, perhaps I could make use of this; take some time to be a little independent and try to regulate my energy more efficiently.

Phantasos did give me something to do, at least. He says there's been some debate on whether or not to outlaw soul magic, since it's kind of a grey area between dark and white magic. Phantasos uses it, himself, but the majority of it comes from the dwarves. So I went with him to visit Eitri to ask some questions about the practice.

At first, Eitri wasn't so sure I was asking my questions in good faith, but I eventually convinced him. He's got plenty of guilt over the weapons and armor he's made over the millennia, but I quickly shut that down. He's a blacksmith. He doesn't have any responsibility to the ones killed by those blades. As I told him, "Cain killed Abel with a rock. Do you blame the creator, or the murderer?"

As a gesture of good faith, I offered him my last aspect, "Try." I encouraged him to see where she had come from, and what it meant for me to separate her off from me. She was so powerful that she took a layer of skin off his hand with her gravity! But eventually Eitri had a wonderful idea on how to use that aspect: to turn her into a tool that disassembles items made with soul magic; the Balancer. That way, Eitri and the other dwarves could continue to make soul weapons and armor, and when the pieces were eventually retired, Balancer could separate them into their parts to be recycled. No more "trying." No more directionless effort. Only pure purpose. After that, the aspect formerly known as "Try" wrapped herself around my finger and settled down. And I made a cloak for Phantasos for coming with me on my errand; made with illusionist magic from the Uttgartloki.

And setting that aside for a while, I've had plenty of time to spend shopping and cooking with my little man! We went back to the farmer's market (where he got a bit too excited and accidentally smacked me in the face with a candle), and we got breakfast, bought some preserves, and he painted a pumpkin in the spirit of the season.

I made him stuffed shells, and wound up with enough to feed the neighbors! One of them has a daughter around W's age, and I promised I'd cook for them one day. Perfect timing!

And today, I made pumpkin chiffon pies. W ate two big pieces before I had to take him back to X. And once I had the apartment to myself again, I made myself a sandwich of sautéed blue oyster mushrooms, lion's mane, garlic aioli and bacon, with sides of fried potatoes and carrot sticks.

I'm getting my passion back. I can feel it!

[birb-tangleblog]

My take on a potential design for Vedis from TRoFR + some extra design rambling under the cut.

So Vedis doesn't have a ton of physical description in the book outside of his build (big boi) and eye color (blue), so I had a lot of liberty and just played with it! His only clothing item that gets mentioned is a sleeveless leather vest- and apparently I decided that he’s rocking a tits out kinda look LMAO.

The Brotherhood tat is said to be on his bicep but it ended up on his shoulder b/c I thought it looked natural there.

I wanted to differentiate him from Quirin and Ed, but I think he still ended up looking too much like them/there’s some sameface going on- so along w/ his proportions, that might be smth to try to stylize and push more if I draw him again.

And I really said just give me that discount Sky/rim look for his Brotherhood armor lmao- but since Quirin and Ed are already plate armor-wearing, tanky, classic knights, Adira’s monk-like, and both she and Hector wear lighter armor, I thought it might be interesting to go in a diff direction for him? Some of that barbarian/berserker warrior vibe.

Might’ve strayed a bit too close to Hector’s aesthetic (since I think it’d work equally well on him) or gone a bit overboard w/ the lion pelt but it was fun.

(The leopard skin on his circus outfit is also absolutely nonfunctional and purely ornamental- it might be a memento from his DK days or smth new, but either way my thought was the Baron insisted he wear it as part of his animal tamer ‘costume’ to impress the guests. At one point he was going to have a prop whip as well (to crack over the heads of the audience, not for use on the animals) but I did not want to draw it I thought Vedis might’ve put his foot down and objected.)

[sunball]

i just went through all the points you made in your astro observations about persona chart xD and checked my persona charts 🤩 it was all so trueee (except for ones that are about the future or ones that i don't know what my placements meant so i can't confirm the accuracy for those 🤣🤣)

it's not 'not so good' (on the title) at all!!! it's so cool that you learned about all these and share it with us <33 i only read that one just yet and i will check out your other observations right after i send u this ask 😁

i just noticed that there's only one compliment from anon that you put on your 'best anons' pinned post and i scrolled through your recent posts too but i haven't seen any compliments ಠ_ಠ

so i'm gonna send you virtual hugs and happy energies right here right now 😊💖💖💖💖✨✨💓💕❤️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💝💝💘💫💫

it's also possible that you get tons of compliments and i just don't know abt it but nonetheless i'd still send you this to say that i admire u so much and thank you for your posts because it's so easy to understand and i do feel confident to keep learning abt astrology thanks to you😁

i saw that you're taking a break, so i hope you feel better soon 💓 and really just do what you want to do because you're the only one who'd stick with yourself at the end of the day and you are responsible for all your actions anyway, so you should care about yourself the most and do what makes u happy!!

i'm not at all pressuring you or expecting anything from you so do not feel the need to quickly come back from the break !! take all the time you want and maybe try out the things you used to enjoy or things that brings u joy 🤩

whether it's a long or a short break, temporary or permanently, it's all good as long as you feel good 💖☺️

and hey, literally just don't give a damn about other people. it's a blog for u to post whatever u want, not a blog where u post what people want 💖 i have a blog as well so i've been trying to do that too and honestly it's so challenging but during moments that i stop giving a shh abt others, it feels so great 😎💅✨

change is fine ❤️ different is fine ❤️❤️ i have pisces in 1st house so i'm inconsistent as hell in everything lol anyways, what matter is that the people who likes and accepts you would stay w you and that you enjoy and like your own content 💕

gosh i'm so sorry for making it this long 🤣 i'm also actually glad that you decided to take a break and take care of yourself 😁😁 i hope u get well soon 💫💖

u don't have to reply to this 💓 i only want u to read it and hopefully feel a bit better ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Omg how did I miss this?? I AM REPLYING SO LATE I AM SO SORRY ANON. you wrote so much omg )): I am so glad that you feel confident learning astrology and that you think my posts are easy to understand because writing is honestly something I’m not good at😭 it’s very cool that people appreciate and learn from something that I am insecure about 😮‍💨

what you said is very true. I posted my last astrology observation for myself tbh, I knew that the stuff I said were very obvious but I didn’t know about the explanation myself and I had so much fun researching about mythology. Although it didn’t get many notes, I’m proud of the work I made and what I observed (I just know old me wouldn’t accept 300 notes). I also completely changed my theme and many people unfollowed but you know what.. I don’t regret anything. I feel great about this change. I don’t have to worry about people not liking my content and my blog because hey, if they don’t like it, then they can just unfollow or not follow me at all. and yeah I am posting for MYSELF. I am doing all of this for MYSELF.

idk if you will see this but I am very thankful for your message. I appreciate it! also good luck on your blog, I’d love to see it (if I haven’t already 😳)