#but I have so many ideas and the ADHD won't let me finish one first

[sunshine-and-her-ikevil-stuff]

Wondering if I should just post all of my ikevil (oneshot) fic ideas in case I never write them. Just so people can see the vision

This was inspired by another idea I got by listening to "The Last Great American Dynasty" and the quote "Nothing provokes more than the sight of a woman enjoying herself". And then me wanting to write a William x fem reader where he encourages the reader to enjoy herself and (upper class) people whisper about how she's crazy and going to ruin him, but his eyes draw her in and she finds she doesn't care. Let them think you're crazy, you're having the time of your life, with your love laughing beside you.

[monstersdownthepath]

A collection of Fey entities

A little different from my usual "a collection of..." posts. Making statblocks isn't my forte, surprisingly; I can, but ADHD Hellbrain kicks in and typically prevents me from actually finishing them, my energy and motivation running out typically by the time I need to select feats. A few of the creatures on this list are victims of that very phenomenon, but rather than letting them languish in my drafts forever, I figure I can share what I DO have in the form of lore and some basic ideas.

So, here's a bunch of fairies!

One of them I was going to write down, the Harvest Lords, are a concept I've developed too much for me to put here; they're a group of Archfey with proper domains and Boons, and thus will get their own post. Eventually.

Warnings: There are unsanitary themes in the Brughyorb Gremlin spot, as well as Totagoda. The final entry (Rotten Crick) deals with themes of animal death and allusions to animal torture, dealing specifically with sea life.

Brughyorb Gremlins (CR 1/2 Chaotic Evil Small Fey) are small, round, filthy creatures that are almost all mouth and stomach, resembling fleshy cauldrons when they fully open their mouths and scamper about on their arms and legs, and are thus also known as Cauldron Gremlins, Burplings, and Bowlbellies. Their grinding teeth and powerful jaws are best suited for plant matter (wood is a delicacy to them), but they won't hesitate to feed on whatever carrion they manage to find, even though the majority of what they eat isn't actually digested.

Brughyorb Gremlins hold most of what they shovel into their maws in the first of their two stomachs, where their pungent gut juices fester and melt their food into noxious sludge so malodorous it's actually acidic. Slow and unbalanced even when they're empty, they lay in waiting for an innocent passerby to cross whatever hiding spot they've holed up in before leaping out with a wet shriek, and when their victim inhales in order to scream in surprise, the gremlins unleash a horrific belch directly into the victim's face. Overwhelming nausea is the most common result of such a sensory assault (though especially unlucky ones may catch the fatal Filth Fever), victims disoriented not only by the scare, but their entire world becoming overtaken by an indescribably vile stink, preventing them from fighting back as the gremlin takes whatever it wants from them and scampers off into the shadows, cackling with terrible glee.

Though they're larger than most gremlins, Brughyorb Gremlins are just as cowardly and prone to fleeing whenever someone even moderately well-armed comes along. If a foe proves especially dangerous and their burps aren't cutting it, they'll loose the contents of their stomachs to form slick, acidic pools that carry an eye-watering reek with them to trip up and potentially even kill their pursuers, either immediately through acid damage or eventually through disease. Being directly disgorged upon is an experience so profoundly unpleasant that most beings subjected to it immediately switch careers into something that will prevent this incident from ever happening again... though the fact a Brughyorb's stench is nearly impossible to scrub away and lingers for many weeks means the horrible little beasts can easily track the scent of their past victims in order to get them again.

Despite their foulness, their gut juice is an alchemical reagent highly prized by alchemists for its ability to break down and, with a bit of tinkering, ferment just about any organic matter, making them highly desirable for anyone hoping to create not just powerful acids, but potent fertilizers, fermented foods, or alcohol. Alchemists desiring the gremlin's gut juice, of course, rarely risk seeking it out themselves.

----

Tintink Gremlins (CR 1 Chaotic Evil Tiny Fey) are also known as Nail Gremlins, Sharpener Pixies, Hammerlings, Nailbiters, Sharpies, and other such names. While most fey fear the touch of iron, Tintink Gremlins collect the substance in earnest despite being just as vulnerable to it as any other fey. Contact with cold iron burns and pains them, but rather than shrinking away from it, they revel in it, with many of them boldly wearing sharpened points of cold iron for the specific purpose of terrorizing and bullying other fairies, as well as protecting themselves from being bullied or terrorized by others.

Tintinks are obsessed with the collection and the sharpening of metal pins, tacks, screws, caltrops, and especially nails, pilfering such items from workshops, lumberyards, factories, and even homes. Loose items are of course the easiest for them to get, their tiny backpacks and leather aprons full to bursting with stacks of nails they sweep off workbenches, but they're also prone to using hammers, crowbars, and pliers sized for their tiny hands to wrench fasteners from whatever surface they're embedded in. Their hoarding slowly but surely destroys furniture, floors, rafters, and eventually entire structures one stolen screw at a time, fleeing only when the infested building collapses entirely.

Even when they're not destroying buildings, Tintinks are horrid menaces. Their wretched claws, coarse palms, and rough tongues can shave metal with the ease of a whetstone, and they use these to sharpen whatever points they get ahold of until they can pierce the thick leather of most common shoes or gloves... and they lay them out in preparation to do exactly that, cackling in wicked glee whenever someone impales their feet or hands on their sharps collections.

They are quite dangerous for a gremlin, capable of causing terrible wounds and even deaths if they're sufficiently motivated, but they are easily caught and removed by those who can take advantage of their fairy quirks. Their obsession with sharpening borders on an irresistible compulsion, and many Tintinks have been caught and exterminated by fey hunters leaving out piles of dull nails, bent forks, and chipped knives, which the gremlins cannot help but sit down among and work on, leaving them vulnerable to ambush.

----

Steraba (CR 2 Neutral Good Diminutive Fey) are also known as Honey Fairies, Porridge Pixies, Mice Fey, and other such names. They resemble miniature humanoids with mouse-like features such as dewy eyes, rounded ears, long tails, paws, or combinations thereof (sometimes to the point they're just anthropomorphic mice), scarcely larger than the pests they resemble. Despite their appearance, Steraba are not pests themselves and are in fact one of many helpful fey known as House Spirits, and can be a genuinely helpful force in one's home... if one forgives their tendency to pilfer easily-missed items left in their field of vision.

Steraba make their homes in mouseholes inside occupied buildings, living among families of mice (never rats, they despise rats) which they take great pains to keep safe, healthy, and out of sight of the mortals with whom they share a space. Their lives are spent going on frequent, exciting 'raids' with their mice families (whom they can both communicate with and easily train), scampering unseen through homes like a spy trying to avoid being spotted by guards as they run missions such as 'read the next chapter of a book,' 'steal the button,' 'get to the grain stores,' 'slay the attic spider,' 'push out the rats,' and other such objectives. Between missions, they engage in surprisingly elaborate crafting projects; anything inedible they steal is used to decorate their tiny homes, if not by itself, then as part of a greater project. Unknowing families may have entire miniature art galleries in their walls!

Like most House Spirits, Steraba dislike being seen or acknowledged, and spending too long looking at one or talking about its existence aloud with one's family or neighbors is a sure way to drive it off completely. Even more than this, harming a mouse is a grave insult to the Mouse Pixies, who may respond by pilfering valuable or treasured items with Mage Hand, performing acts of vandalism with Prestidigitation and mundane tools, and even causing painful or humiliating household accidents against repeat and grievous offenders. Treating the mice with the calmness and respect one would treat a neighbor, however, will see a household blessed by the tiny pixies who use their talents--magical and mundane--to slay more harmful pests, drive off more malevolent fey, and provide just as well for their "big families" as they do the "small families." A Steraba can magically turn a single grain into a whole loaf of hot bread or a bowl of nutritious porridge that's filling even for a Medium-sized creature, letting them stretch the most meager of food stores for days or weeks on end, and can conjure small amounts of honey, sugar, and jam each day to assure the meals are never boring. A Steraba who has lived in a home for many years and established a positive relationship with its big family may even begin gifting the mortals with pieces of art it has made, which act as good luck charms so long as the owner takes care to say it was a 'gift from my neighbor' if they are ever asked where the trinket came from.

----

The Filoxenia (CR 11 Neutral Medium Fey) are humanoid fey with golden skin and hair like stalks of wheat, so rare that it was believed there was only one for quite some time. These are fey many cautionary tales are spoken of, fey for whom the Laws of Sacred Hospitality are absolutes and generosity is the holiest of virtues. These fey take on the shapes of beggars, wanderers, and vagrants of various ancestries as they travel the world in the search of kindness, visiting the lowest muckrakers in their hovels, to the meager homes of farmers, to the mansions of nobles and royals to test their treatment of visitors. How, exactly, they perform their tests always varies, but it almost always begins with a simple request: Shelter, just for one night, and a meal of whatever the host can provide, just enough to let them see the next dawn.

The Filoxenia cannot be identified while they're in disguise, their own magic thwarting magical attempts to pierce it; the most reliable way to tell that you've encountered one is the gentle smell of honey and wheat which accompanies them, a scent they take pains to hide with mud and dusty clothes or, in rare cases, perfumes, but which they can never completely cover. Even if you know, however, it is in your best interest to play along and not allow it to sway your decision! Treating your new guest as you would any other is part of the test.

These fey exist to test mortals in their proficiency with and knowledge of the Laws of Sacred Hospitality, and each one has different means of both testing and rendering judgment. More lawful Filoxenia typically treat their task with the utmost of seriousness, and have a mental checklist they gradually move down during their stay in a mortal's home where failing even one step fails the whole test. More chaotic Filoxenia are much more likely to act as unruly guests, assessing the patience of their host, making gradually more unreasonable requests to see just how far the host is willing to go and rendering their judgment based on the host's breaking point; too soon (strict) or too late (lenient) and they fail.

The reward for passing their test is often simple but always beneficial; they may arrange for a parcel of valuable gems to be delivered to the host, repair flaws in their home, or magically enchant a tool or piece of furniture the host owns in a way which will always be useful to them. Impressing the fey may cause them to perform feats such as keeping the host's food stores full for a year and a day, blessing the host with a boon of good luck and health, grant them a useful magical item, blessing their livestock with health and virility, or introducing a helpful House Spirit into the home... but for all their potential blessings, their curses are the stuff of legends and horror stories.

Providing the bare minimum of hospitality is one thing (which earns the stingy host naught but a bowl of gruel or perhaps a new pair of socks for their trouble), but treating the Filoxenia poorly or, most damnably, rejecting their plea for mercy and assistance at one's doorstep? Such a host would be lucky if the worst thing that happened to them was the death of their livestock. An especially offended Filoxenia, such as one physically harmed by the host, can go as far as to curse an entire household to experience grave misfortune which, eventually, will lead to the death of all within in no more than a year.

----

Totagoda, the Uninvited Guest (CR 13 Chaotic Evil Large Fey) is a unique fey entity, an object of both scorn and amusement in the First World and a downright blight in the Universe whenever he deigns to enter it. He is a wild combination of a bloated toad and a gluttonous goat, standing on his back two legs as a man does, with three bulbous eyes always surveying the area as he searches for his next meal, the remains of which are added to the breathtaking tapestry of reeking stains over his clothing and skin.

Totagoda is a gluttonous, wretched beast of a fey, his primary modus operandi involving taking the shape of beggars, wanderers, and vagrants, hoping to gain invitation into the home of unsuspecting mortals who do not realize just what's standing at the door. Unfortunately, as one may surmise from his title, he is quite liberal with determining what qualifies as an 'invitation' into someone's home, with even strained conversation or simply holding a door open for too long becoming cause for him to push past his unfortunate host and slip inside. Only slamming the door in his face and refusing to speak will cause him to move on. Once inside, he takes a seat at the kitchen table and bullies his hosts into providing for him, often relying on the victim's fear or good manners (or both) to prevent them from seeking aid even as he wolfs down whatever food (or anything close to food) they can provide.

Victims of the Uninvited Guest quickly find themselves eaten out of house and home as his loud demands for food grow ever more violent and unreasonable, his monstrous form gradually revealing itself as he gorges himself. By the point he's revealed as a true and literal monster, it's far too late for his host, with him threatening their belongings, their health, or their very lives if they don't comply, the foul fey holding their treasured belongings or even their family members hostage to force their hand. When all the food in the house is exhausted, victims are forced into the marketplaces where they're expected to spend all their remaining money on a further banquet for the fey. Victims who can give no more may find themselves ensorcelled and forced to provide against their will, butchering their livestock, pets, or their unfortunate neighbors to feed Totagoda, until eventually he grows bored with the current fare and snaps up his host whole and alive with his massive tongue, moving on and leaving any surviving family members nothing but a destroyed home and horrific memories.

Sending out invitations to a party or celebration when Totagoda is stalking an area is a dangerous affair, because no matter the intended celebration, one can be assured it will end in tragedy and horror; many malevolent fey have, in fact, wielded the Uninvited Guest as a weapon by gifting him invitations to the party of a rival or hated enemy. When feeling especially peckish and shameless, he will use the public nature of taverns, restaurants, markets, and other such spaces where food may be found to barge in and begin stuffing his face, using threats, charming magic, or outright mystic domination against the owners, forcing them to ignore his crimes until they become too great to rationalize even with his spellwork clouding their minds. He prefers the 'thrill' of forcing his way into the homes of helpless mortals who cannot seek aid to feed him, using public eateries as a last resort, as he despises the concept of experiencing consequences (which is why he flees the First World as much as possible; he has made many enemies among Archfey and Eldest). Despite his considerable power and unnatural resilience, Totagoda is a coward and a bully, and at the first sign of any trouble (even trouble he could easily deal with) he is more likely to flee than fight, flinging his disease-ridden, acidic dung and unleashing nauseating belches at any pursuers until he can finally escape.

----

That Old and Rotten Crick, (CR 15 Neutral Evil Medium Fey), also known as Rotten Old Crick (and variants thereof), the Devil Fisherman, the Demon Angler, the Barnacle, Captain Hook, and a thousand other names with varying levels of fear or vitriol, is among one of the strangest denizens of the First World. Appearance-wise, he is a humanoid being, though not a hint of true flesh can be seen through the coverall-clothing of an angler that he wears; what isn't covered by clothes is studded with barnacles or coral growth. His vest is adorned by countless hooks, flies, whatever equipment he wishes to keep on hand rather than in his beaten up but magical tacklebox (the Artifact known as the Tomb of Karaphas), and extra parts for his Artifact-level fishing rod and primary weapon, the Tidepool Reaper. His face (if he has one) perpetually hidden in the shadow of his fishing cap, and he speaks with the smooth cadence of a devil and maniacal purpose of a daemon.

Nearly an Archfey in terms of power, Rotten Crick does not seek influence and remains outside of whatever political nonsense the others have going on... though his actions have a great many Archfey and even one of the Eldest furious with his very existence. Rotten Crick, you see, despises all life in the sea, especially the lives of any creature which could be called a 'fish.' His absolute hatred for all sealife has earned him a many enemies among waterway guardians and sea-dwelling fey, but just as many allies, though not for the reasons one may think; many stories circulate across many worlds of a mysterious angler approaching a fisherman or sailor with promises of rods, reels, baits, hooks, and nets which will assuredly catch enough fish to feed not only them, but their families and the families of their neighbors as well. Indeed, Rotten Crick has no animosity towards most mortal life, and is actually quite amicable, willing to help any down-on-their-luck man on the coast fish enough to live, or even make a business! There are rare stories of him going out of his way to save fishermen whose lives are endangered by the sea... but it is all for the singular goal of eliminating as many fish as possible and inspiring others to do the same. He will sit with other mortal anglers for many hours, fishing alongside them and making occasional, casual conversation, but anyone who knows what they're dealing with is advised to keep it casual, because any extended conversation with him will gradually turn towards alarmingly enthusiastic diatribes on how terribly fish suffer when hooked and dragged from the water, or disturbingly thorough explanations of the many deaths caused by sea beasts all over the world, in order to justify their torture and extermination.

He doesn't even eat any of his catches, enraged by the very idea of putting a fish in his body. If there is no one nearby to gift them to, he either abandons them on the shore to rot or, if feeling especially spiteful, slices them apart with fillet knives and hooks and leaves the disassembled bodies for the birds. He holds no love for creatures he calls "betrayers," which includes dolphins, whales, and seals, such unfortunates earning swift and terrible ends by his hands. Intelligent sea beings, especially merfolk, are in danger of torturous disassembly while still alive, as he draws sadistic joy from hearing their cries.

Why, precisely, he harbors such irrational hatred for sealife is something he has never explained to anyone who's asked, and likely never will. At the very least, any grand and far-reaching plans he may actually have to depopulate the seas of Golarion are slow going, if they're happening at all, held back by the sadism and hatred which drives him; it has been explained to him many times (primarily by daemons) that he could efficiently depopulate the seas by way of pollution, poison, and industrial expansion, but his hate is so great that he seems to prefer the more visceral, personal approach.

[perpetualexistence]

Sea Monster AU: Poor Unfortunate Soul (2/2)

(Why this cover in particular? Mainly because the thumbnail is cool. Also, annapatsu's covers always slap without fail.)

So! It's been a while! Partially because this chapter ended up longer than anticipated. Partially because I got distracted with other AUs because the ADHD mind takes me where it wants to take me. I think it's just going to be safer to not have a set schedule for when these come out because that's apparently just not how my brain wants to work. But I could never forget about this AU! Bit by bit, it will get done, as you can see here!

But here we are! Welcome back to Noah making drastic life choices because Alejandro is a toxic manipulative bastard. Drastic enough to warrant more content warnings.

Content warnings: Murder, cannibalism, toxic relationship, body horror

Once more, the asterisks return for the most gruesome bits. I've got a safer summary of what happens in the asterisks at the bottom.

If you ever think I need more content warnings, please do let me know and I'll add them immediately.

Without further ado, time to dive into Noah's further exploration into magic!

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With gills, Noah can now begin with proper magic. There's the spell that would make Alejandro smaller that he still needs to find in his book. There's also the problem of needing a back up plan. If he fails to shrink Alejandro, then Alejandro will kill him. He won't be able to talk his way out of it. He'll need the ability to fight back.

The book can sense his desire to defend himself. It flips to a page that promises a ritual that will grant his body the ability to do just that. It will even make magic easier to perform. Perfect. His only problem is the lack of details on the outcome. Try as he might, the book always flips back to how to cast the spell, and away from what happens after. Considering what happened the last time he tried to force something out of the book, he decides settling for this spell will be easier. The book throws him a bone with mention that this won't be as permanent as the gills, so that's something.

Noah's reading through the list of things he needs for the ritual. Rune knife, check. A bunch of salt, weird, but whatever. Flesh. At least a whole body's worth. The closer the attachment, the better the results. And to finish it off?

Consume the heart.

Noah's frantically looking at the alternative for flesh. He'd essentially need to alchemically recreate a human being. How many more ships would he have to sacrifice to make that happen? Countless, probably. People are already noticing the disappearances. There's no way he'd get all of this before he and Alejandro get caught. If Alejandro gets caught, people are going to go after him. Innocent people, sailing to their deaths because they have no idea about how Noah's been fighting to keep them off the menu.

So flesh it is. Time to kill a person. It's not like this is anything new. He already killed Chris. Even if that one was in complete self defense. And this one would very much be calculated. It'd be easier if he could just sneak away a corpse from one of Alejandro's feeding frenzies. But Alejandro's his ride there and back. There's no hiding a corpse from him.

So he's going to have to kill this one all on his own. In cold-blood. With his twig arms. At least he semi-knows how to defend himself.

Before he got Chef killed, Chef had insisted on teaching him self defense. Said his scrawny ass would have to worry about people just as much as monsters. Forced him to carry stuff with him. Noah did start noticing a difference, however small. Chef was gruff about it, but he did acknowledge it. All in all, Chef was pretty decent. He wasn't completely unreasonable. Not like Chris. Maybe-

No. Noah can't afford to go down that line of thinking. Chef loved Chris. He'd do anything for that man. Maybe Chef did know the true plan, and was still helping Chris. Even if he didn't, he never would have rested if he was allowed to live. Noah couldn't risk revenge killing. Chef had his uses, and now it'll make this job a bit easier.

He needs to kill someone on land. It has to be someone who deserves it. The closer, the better. Thanks to recent events, there's one person who comes to mind. The loan shark who has been hassling his family for years. He's back in town now, and Noah doubts anyone will miss him. He could use his hacking abilities to try to narrow down his exact location. Still, can't walk into a lion's den. He'll be really lucky to take the loan shark down. More than that? Absolutely not. Noah needs to isolate the loan shark, and have him come to Noah. That's going to require tact Noah doesn't have.

But he knows the perfect teacher.

Alejandro is incredibly pleased when Noah tells him that he wants to learn more about hunting. It seems that any concern about what he had been doing with Chef and Chris get quashed when Noah leans into murder. He has to lie about how it felt to kill Chris. Not as much as he thought he would. Chris had it coming. Noah just has to pretend the anger comes less from how he would have sacrificed the town and more from how he would have brainwashed Alejandro.

It's not like he's really lying about it per se. He would have felt bad to completely steal someone's autonomy away. Even if it had been Alejandro. Still, that doesn't dispel the worm of guilt as he swears he recognizes appreciation and fondness in Alejandro's eyes.

There's a part of him that wants to reciprocate. There is. It's the part of him that remembers that Alejandro is the first person he ever got close to and vulnerable with. That recognizes that their relationship has to be more than that of convenience. Why else would Alejandro insist on learning everything about Noah and hanging out even when not hunting? He gushes over romance novels and is jealous of Noah's dog, for fuck's sake. Neither of those things would obviously make him more endearing to Noah if that was Alejandro's goal. It's why they are so endearing.

Yet here Alejandro is. Gushing over his newfound appreciation for the craft of killing. How the yacht incident is forgiven. Forgiven? Like Noah was the one in the wrong for saying no to Alejandro one time? For having a nice night out with people that weren't Alejandro? My god, it wasn't even about the no, was it? It was that Noah could have a positive interaction with anyone except Alejandro. Enough to prioritize himself over pleasing Alejandro. The eel is possessive, and he got jealous, and innocent people had to die for that.

Noah is an object to Alejandro. A pet, if he's feeling generous. He's made that very clear. Alejandro will accept nothing less. So Noah can't give him that choice. He'll shrink Alejandro, and make him the pet instead.

It's the only way he anyone feel be safe.

So he plays up the monstrous version of himself that Alejandro wants. It's easier than it should be. Good. That makes it more believable. He uses the fact that his relationship with the loan shark is personal to excuse wanting to do the kill and take care of the body himself. He never outright says it, but he implies Alejandro as an inspiration for his change in tune.

He takes solace in the fact that all of this is still a lie. It has to be.

He gets in touch with the loan shark through nicking his mother's phone. Not one of his prouder moments, but that ship has sailed, sunk, and rotted away long ago. With the added guile he's learned from Alejandro, he's able to trick the loan shark into coming to a place near Chris's beach house. He's going to pay off the rest of the debt in person to make sure they don't have to do this ever again.

Noah is going to bring a suitcase full of cash that he's saved up from selling off his stolen goods. He needs a reason for the man to get close enough so Noah can stab him with his ritual knife.

Noah would love it if he could just put a bullet in the man's brain without having to get close to him. There are multiple problems with this. One, Noah would need a gun. Two, knowing how finnicky magic is, Noah would have to make a gun. Three, Noah would have to learn how to use the gun. Four, Noah might be searched for weapons. It's a lot of time and effort that Noah's not willing to spend.

The nice thing about magic ritual knives is that, once attuned, they can be summoned at will. So no worry about being caught with a weapon. So, time for the actual stabbing. It's not too hard to find the motivation. He remembers the time he called his oldest sister 'mom'. He was only about four or five at the time. He only knew his mother existed in theory. She just used home as a place to sleep in between jobs. The eldest siblings had been forced to pick up the slack of parenting by necessity. He didn't understand why his sister had sobbed and run to their mother. He could hear the words they shared. But he wouldn't process a child mourning the loss of their childhood until years later.

He knew their father was the one truly to blame for leaving them all to this situation. Noah would twist the knife into his father's back if he could. He'll settle for doing the same to the leech that took advantage of their situation and was still attempting to suck them dry.

***

He's more present for this murder than he was for Chris's. It feels like he's watching someone else in his body, but he's aware enough that he is controlling his own body and remembers this. He wants to remember this one.

Once the loan shark gets close enough, it's a knee to the groin. Noah's fighting to win. A summoned knife to slash him across the neck. Noah misses. The shark didn't fall as fast as he thought he would. The shark uses two hands to grabs him by the wrist and attempts to pull the knife away. Not good, Noah can already feel himself losing that battle.

With a flick of his wrist, the knife glows. It switches from his right hand to his left. He goes for a stab into the side. With luck, he can puncture a lung. He's not used to using his off hand. He doesn't hit a lung, but he does get him in the side. He pulls the knife out quick. Blood pours out from the wound Noah just made. The shark is bleeding now. Not enough for Noah's liking. Noah notices his knife glow, and sees that the blood is being sucked into the runes. That's concerning. But Noah doesn't have time to process that.

Not when the shark takes advantage of his self-made distraction to tackle Noah. Noah goes down quick. He drops the knife in the tackle. The shark is strangling him while he still has the strength to do so. Made even worse by the fact that the shark's fingers are digging into Noah's gills, too. He's gagging, and choking, and he needs to end this now.

He tries to wrestle the shark's hands away from his throat. It does nothing. His strength was never going to be a match for the shark's. He can feel the shark's nails dig into his gills. Now he's choking both on air and his own blood. Spots are dancing in his vision. They're broken by a soft glow. The knife. The knife!

Noah stops trying to stop the choking. Instead, he summons his knife to his hand once more. This wasn't how Noah wanted the bastard to get close, but it'll do. He's right on top of him. The shark is so focused on Noah's throat that he left Noah's arms free. He uses both his hands to make the knife pierces the shark right through his neck. The shark slumps over Noah. Shock? Death? Noah's not sure. He isn't taking chances.

He wriggles out from underneath and stabs him in the throat again. He swore he saw a twitch. Again. The breath of life attempting to work its way through the hole in his throat. Again. Glassy eyes reflect a face Noah can't recognize as his own. Again. Noah's throat feels raw. Was it the choking or is it his screaming? Again. Laughing, or crying? Again. It doesn't matter. Again. It must be done. Again.

His arms tire. The deed is done.

Clean up feels like it takes forever. Still, for all this work he's put into this, he can't afford to be sloppy now. He drags the corpse back. It was a risk hunting his prey so close to his beach house. But the farther he has to take it, the more he'd risk being spotted. So close it is.

Some tension leaves his shoulders once he's inside. But it's not over yet. He drags the corpse all the way to his cove. He dumps the sack of flesh into the water. He dives in after it.

The cool water soothes his aching gills. Right, he'd forgotten about that. He takes a moment to run his hands gently across his gills. At least his scarf will hide the bruises. He cleans the blood off. He hopes that'll be enough because that's the extent to his knowledge on how magic gills work.

Now for the ritual proper. The water is salted, the circle set, incantations spoken. Now, for the body. It's in the center of the circle, but that's not enough. He has to commit one more vile act to see this through.

No time for holding back. He's doing this so no one else has to. At least the earlier cut makes it easier to cut through and reach the heart. He cuts it out and holds it in his trembling hand. There's no going back after this. Then again, there never was.

He closes his eyes and bites into the heart. It feels softer than he expected. Leftover blood bursts onto his tongue. The iron taste makes him gag. He rips away the bite. He chews. He goes for another. His teeth are sore. This one feels easier. His teeth are sharper. The iron loses its sour tang and becomes sweeter. He'd be lying if he said he was never curious about why Alejandro always insisted on eating Noah's kind. He thinks he gets it now.

Oh god. He thinks he gets it now.

He consumes it as quickly as he can manage, before the rest of his thoughts catch up with him. Everything glows, and his body is racked with pain. He passes out in shock.

***

When he comes to, the circle is empty. His body feels heavier. He kicks his feet to try to get back to the surface to gather himself...but he can't. He looks down to see eight tentacles, amber with rings of blue and black, where his legs should be.

On instinct he tries to swim away, but he's not used to wielding eight lower limbs rather than two. Most of them smack at each other in an attempt to replicate legs to swim. Noah's fucked up. He's fucked up so bad. 'Won't be permanent' was a lie that he fell for and now he's given up the humanity he was struggling so hard to keep and why can't he just have his own fucking legs back-

And suddenly he's looking at his legs again. He blinks as he processes the new yet familiar sight. Okay? Okay. This is, maybe that was some kind of stress and magic induced hallucination? They had looked so real though-

And the tentacles are back. Of course he wouldn't be so lucky. At least the 'won't be permanent' thing wasn't a complete lie. He just has to learn how to control the changes. And control the tentacles. Just like the gills. And just settle into his new life as a half-octopus. Cecaelia? Merfolk.

Like Alejandro.

Oh. A body to defend himself.

Well.

He can work with this.

[Noah fights against the loan shark. He wins, and drags what remains back to the beach house he 'inherited' from Chris. He performs the ritual successfully and passes out due to shock.]

[numbbrainstrorm]

_________________________________________

WELCOME TO MY NON-GRAMMAR RAMBLINGS ( I'll bite your ankles and steal your kneecaps)

Me on my blog: *the wall is my two OG mutuals (love them)/pos*

Ello I'm Charlie ( Noah A. K. A Numb) /my 2nd ACC: @charlie-kton ( and many more to come lol)

I'm Transmasc and my pronouns are

He / him / they / them 🦐✌️

I do art as a hobby, not a job

Nor do I claim to be good at it ( and I'm doing it for fun)

I have ADHD OR IM JUST STUPID

I'm also self-thought ( semi)

English is my 2nd language

Time zone: UTC+01:00 or CET ( tbh idk which one is right)

This is my main blog where I like to

Post my art

Complain

I usually don't re-blog unless I really like something

My current obsession: transformers ( cyberverse sky byte sodndjjbs~ my beloved husband)

REQUESTS : Closed

SUGGESTIONS : Closed

COMMISSIONS : closed

ASKS : OPEN

I'm NOT doing art for you

I'm doing it for myself

So if you don't like what you see then

Block me

Please be patient I'm mentally exhausted

Is my theme music ( kinda- replace alive with dead)

Rules :

> Don't be rude ( I really don't want to deal with your shit)

> Don't take everything so seriously

> Don't repost my art

> Don't feed my art to the AI

> NO POLITICS STUFF I DON'T CARE ABT THE POLITICS

_______[ insert some sort of banner] lol____

Requests

Will do :

Only transformers

Ships

Rare ships

Silly comics

Silly things in general ( I like fun)

NSFW ( gore, cigarettes, suggestive, etc.....)

Won't do :

Proships ( problematic ships)

Hatespeech

NSFW ( porn / people really either hate this word or love, you guys are insane )

Elita-1 + Oplita, anything that touches her is a NO ( for me she doesn't exist)

Babies ( I'm fine with chibis)

Promotions (???)

Humans

Politics

---------[ MLEM ] - - - - - - - - - >

ASKS :

I'll answer anything

Besides personal stuff

Expl: Q - what's your age? (it's none of your business / I'm old enough :) )

-----------[*Snoring *] - - - - - - - - >

WIP IDK WHAT AM I DOING ( still)

RULES : Everything that is above

Will do:

- Ocs

- ships ( 2nd character is 50% off)

- Rare ships

- Mild gore

If you have any questions, Feel free to DM me via Tumblr

--------[ Rawr~] - - - - - >

COMICS CANCELLED BC: NO INTEREST

Rodiclash comic : it's a lot of work since I want it to be like an Opening to my AU /Icarus/ ( currently re-writing it bc I'm a dumb ass)

Update: working on my first predacon

So lot of word building to Do

And I gotta find an Art style I'm satisfied with

I can't promise that it's gonna happen

I have like a beginning done

So I'm lazy to write omfg

Icarus ( part: semi-organic cybertronian predacons )

It's an idea ( remember the part when Fort Max saved a bunch of Cybertronians with beast alt modes) of Cybertronians with beats mode being experimented on Organics that were almost instinct by Megatron / their 4-mill year-long war

It's that but dragons

Highly inspired by the book series Wings of Fire

And Transformers Prime ( Predacons)

> I can guarantee that it's gonna happen

> WHEN? Idk

And a bunch of small sillies comics that I plan to finish <3

----- [ done] - - - >

If you have any questions don't be shy and ask me

[freyito]

I’m so sorry if this is rude, but do you ever plan to update your queue post? I think some of the stuff on it might be stuff you’ve posted, but I’m not sure

ik u said to ignore this anon but ACTUALLY im gonna use this to my advantage. this isn't me like yelling at you lol just so you know. just to reiterate a couple things

the first is i am missing a couple asks on my queue post and i do essentially queue everything the minute i see i got an ask or i get an idea. normally i delete them off my queue or on my pinned post when i finish them (unless they were never on there which kinda happens a lot ((fics and ideas that just. hit me and dont let go)), but i do post a lot late at night and normally when that happens i update my queue and my masterlist the next day over cause i am too sleepy!!!!!

second is since im getting a lot more followers (like a lot more than i thought id get for such self indulgent pieces lol and even as a m! writer in general tbh) i want everyone to know what i said above!!!! BUT ALSO i dont rlly have a set schedule and i try and write when i can. i did JUST get a job so im still kinda learning to balance my writing and stuff like that since they haven't really given me a consistent schedule. so lowkey half the time i'll be like "new fic tomorrow". and then there is NOT a new fic that day. sometimes i just get rlly excited to post a fic and then i space out for a while, that happens a lot when youve got mad adhd and like sooo many things you can do and want to do!! that you just . do nothing.

i also tend to be overambitious (those who have read my fics since i first posted know lol and also my moots) so i'll like load up my queue with all these ideas and then a month later i'll delete some cause i like. totally forgot.

i also have had a couple of gripes with asks i get... which i hope i dont sound rude T_T. LIGHTNING ROUND THO!!!

i've had a couple of anons (before AND now) drop essentially the same ask (same anons), and i know i don't outright say which ask is which cause i try my best to give fics genuine titles, but just know i dont rlly delete asks !!!!!! unless they are against the rules

ON THAT NOTE!!! i urge everyone to pleaaaase read my rules waghhh!!!! i've gotten a lotta asks about a pregnant reader (specifically!!!!). i'm not here to yuck anyones yum at all but i myself am uncomfy with writing pregnancy (simply cause its a huge fear of mine lol). genuinely that is like the ONLY rule people gloss over (granted i need to update my rules uber soon). that doesn't mean i wont write stuff where reader and character adopt kids or whatever, just no pregnancy nothing like that

i've also had anons/people in my inbox ask "when will x fic come out" or ""check up"" on fics. please know that i am working on everything on my own time!!!! i try my very best to drop fics in order of my queue and i do prioritize requests!!!! but there are days where suddenly i am not feeling an ask or a fic i'm writing so to avoid burn out and fatigue and just overall producing a soulless piece i work on a different piece.

i'm also currently switching from headcanons & drabbles to mainly oneshots, cause i've just had a lot more fun writing bigger and proper pieces!!! that doesn't mean i won't write hcs/drabbles when i see fit ofc, but due to this lowkey like 80% of my asks went from "haha silly little drabble" to full on oneshots (and some even full on fics!). so my writing and ""production"" time has been significantly increased.

also another thing of note: over time i've kinda just slowed down if not halted completely on writing fics for fem readers... the Robin one will most likely be my last x Fem! reader simply cause it feels odd for me to write fem reader all of a sudden. mainly cause i am . a boy lol and i did start this account to write for male readers (cause especially after coming out several years ago it was just so hard to find x male readers yk??). I won't be deleting x fem reader requests cause lowkey they are all kinda bangersss so most of the time I will default to gn reader or switch to male reader as i see fit..

also lowkey circling back to the queue and masterlist in general, all my masterlists have a date at the very bottom for when i updated them o7

That was a LOT I AM SO SORRY.... but lowkey had to get a couple things out there T_T i think it's kinda cause i just switched up on mk and went into hsr so fast so my asks def have a different vibe in general lol...

[apatheticchocobar]

i did it

so I consulted the psychiatrist yesterday and finally talked about the possibility of adhd. of course i cried the whole time. but i did it. i'm proud of myself.

she listened so patiently and did not dismiss my concerns. and actually got me an adhd test. WHICH I DID TODAY!!! (thank you god for helping schedule it early)

i think i did match with most of the symptoms mentioned. i think i have mostly the inattentive symptoms. but don't know what final report would be

have to meet psychiatrist again day after tomorrow (friday) for follow up.

good thing that the timing has worked out well for this. would be going home for diwali after this, so would give me an opportunity to talk to parents about whatever the diagnosis is too

really really hope they understand and are supportive

a bigger problem right now though is i'm pretty sure i would have low hemoglobin levels. the last 2-3 weeks i have had horrible eating habits. skipped so many meals. never eat breakfast. sometimes having the first meal of the day at 3 pm.

it started as an innocent healthy diet/exercise thing. idk if counting calories was a bad idea. but some days i've literally had 1200 calories only. and mostly between 1600-1800 on other days

today i realised, the last time i had a waffle was almost 2 months ago. i'll order one tomorrow!

but its like literally the 3rd time i've let this happen. it always goes the same way. i keep thinking it's only a few times so won't really make a difference. don't really notice the effects initially. and then it hits me like a truck. the last 3 days from when periods started have been the worst mental state i've been in since a long time.

even while writing this, i feel a bit dizzy and have a headache. its 2 am right now. i have to go for the test at 8 am

i'm supposed to be working on btp right now but i literally cannot focus on anything. this constant headache makes me feel really weird and tired

i have asked the phd guy for a meet tomorrow, i hope he responds. but eventually (by friday definitely) i would have to face the elephant in the room. talking to sir and actually scheduling the final presentation. i'll send him the doctor's prescriptions and just hope he understands. presentations can be done till dec start. i'll request him to schedule mine as late as possible so i'll get time after endsems to work on this and make this situation less of a mess. (can the medical thing work for the missed aml assignment too?)

if (and i really hope so) i get diagnosed with adhd, i don't know if i would want to take medication for it. from what i read online there are 2 types: stimulants and non-stimulants. stimulants work better but are habit forming and have side effects, and you have to keep increasing the dosage. and non-stimulants but they don't work that well.

i don't want to have to keep taking medicines and be dependent on them for the rest of my life. i would prefer getting therapy and learn to manage the symptoms. but what if therapy is not enough. ig only time will tell

so this is it i guess. i hope things get better after this

something to remember from reddit for later:

The blame thing is a very common trap people with ADHD fall in. Once they get diagnosed, everything they do is later blamed as "I'm just ADHD" rather than actually taking effort in fixing those issues. This is a trap many people fall into and it's hard to get out of it. People with ADHD if anything have to work twice as hard to manage their lives. The diagnosis is supposed to be pretty much the start line for people. Not the finish. It's not supposed to feel like you got closure.

[krakenartificer]

One of the things that I find hardest to do, that turns out to be textbook ADHD, is figuring out how to get started on a project

(I say, after having procrastinated on writing this, for the last 4 hours. Actually, I have no idea how long I've been procrastinating - I have timeblindness. But I did post a Facebook comment right before I tried to start for the first time, so I can check that. goes to check facebook ohno.jpg) (Two hours. It was 2 hours.)

That overhead/activation cost is so high, I desperately want to finish every project all in one go, in one sprint, rather than have to pay it twice. "Slow and steady wins the race," they say; "Just break it down in to steps and do a little bit every day," they say; and I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to make that work, but just doesn't. Paying the startup cost for 10 minutes of work isn't worth it, and deep down I know that, and won't let myself do something so extravagantly wasteful of spoons. That's not me being immature or unwilling to work -- that's me making an accurate and intelligent assessment of tactical realities.

And yet the fact remains that almost nothing worth doing can be done all in one sprint with no breaks, and that forcing myself to try is detrimental to both my mental and physical health, and therefore I do need to learn how to shut down a project and then start it up again. This is not a complete list, by any means, but it's the best method I've found so far. The specific solutions may or may not work for you, but hopefully it'll give you some ideas on how to start designing your own methods.

My problems with starting my work fall into three broad categories: 1) reticulating splines 2) remembering what's happened, and what's supposed to be happening 3) translating knowledge into action

1) Reticulating Splines

"Reticulating Splines" is a concept I stole from Luna Corbden. They explain it in detail at [link], but the way I always think of it is that my brain only loads in high-res. There is no "just a quick overview" or "don't get into the weeds" for me -- you are getting every piece of information related to this topic, and every relationship between all those pieces of information, or nothing. And as we all know from waiting on high-res videos to buffer, that takes FOREVER.

Now that's not inherently a good or a bad thing.

Once that network map has loaded

I am amazing at pulling up details other people have missed: my map isn't fuzzy and pixelated.

I am spectacularly good at spotting edge cases and unexpected consequences: I'm looking at the entire project and all its interrelationships at the same time.

I am incredibly good at following other people's trains of thought even when they're communicating badly: I know every possible path between two statements, so when someone says they're related, I can back-trace what their route from A to B must have been.

I am a much better developer, a much better tutor, and a much better manager because of this capability, as long as you give me time to get the splines reticulated.

But it does mean that there's no such thing as a "quick question" for me. Imagine if every time you went to Wikipedia, it had to load every single Wikipedia entry in your web browser before it would show you the page you asked for -- that's what talking to me is like if you spring a conversation on me without warning.

It follows, then, that there's no such thing as a "quick code change" or a "quick edit" or (my apologies to all the ADHD peeps struggling to get through this essay) a "quick explanation". This is how the world exists in my head, with all these interconnected parts, and I don't know how to give you only part of it. If you want me to change the code to write to a different table, or to change my terminology, I have to load the entire program, or the entire essay, into my brain, then make the change, then shut it all down again, before I can move onto the next thing.

So that's problem number one: every time I stop working on something, and then try to start up again, I have to re-load the entirety of the project into my brain again.

So the first thing about starting projects is to

be compassionate with yourself while things are buffering.

You're not stupid for needing to take your time to review, and you're not wasting time scrolling back and forth and clicking between pages and re-reading things in an order that you could never explain to someone else, and you're not trapped in some failed-functioning dissociative circle of hell. You're buffering, and the extra time it takes you to load this data structure is proportional to your ability to do things with it once it's loaded. That's just how it works.

The other thing is to externalize the splines as much as possible. Which gets us into

2) Memory (working and otherwise)

Look, we all know how ADHD affects memory, I don't think I need to go into a lot of detail here.

So that's problem number two: every time I stop working on something, I completely forget wtf I was doing.

Which means that you shouldn't rely on your memory.

WRITE THINGS DOWN

I don't care if everyone around you thinks that this is easy to remember. I don't care if you understand it all perfectly right now and can't imagine ever needing a reminder of how it works. Your vision of perfect clarity is because the splines are reticulated; as soon as you switch gears, that vision is going to fade into nothingness and you will be left with only a distant fuzzy memory of the galaxy-brain comprehension you once had, unless you WRITE. IT. DOWN.

For projects, specifically, there are two things I find very important to write down:

A) the overall flow of the project: what the steps and the sub-steps are, how they fit together, what order they should be done in, and how to tell if they've been completed or not. (My system for this is described at length here [x])

B) What the current status of the project is right now.

Where am I in the overall flow of the project? What step am I currently working on? What is stopping it from being completed? As with writing down the overall flow of the project, remember that these notes are for you, not for anyone else: they only have to make sense to future!you. Don't write them down in a way that you would write a memo to your boss, or an way your English teacher would approve of -- write them down in a way that makes sense to you.

A sample of the types of notes I have left myself:

For reasons I cannot begin to explain, the enrichment template and the enrichment block strings that existed in the repo this morning bear absolutely no resemblance to the enrichment query that is currently running prod, and I cannot find any place that the correct templates and strings have ever existed. So .... idk, tbh. I can't explain it. But I can fix it. So. I have copied the query from a prod run in EMR, and pasted it into the templates, and submitted that as an MR. I also changed the block_strings in Rosetta. With those two changes, we end up with something that looks like what's in prod, even if it's not in Master. So can I proceed? Are we good? I don't know -- my brain is too tired and dumb to figure out how to tell that.

It's been running all week, but not actually providing any data, because apparently mvno_accounts hasn't been updating its metadata. So I MSK REPAIRED and that fixed the problem. I added an MSCK REPAIR to the code, and hopefully that fixes the problem. I still need to backfill everything between run_date=2021-08-10 and run_date=2021-08-17

Says it has partitions [screenshot] Says it doesn't have data [screenshot] S3 says the partitions have no data [screenshot] So that's nice, I guess. How do I get the damn thing to write?

It gives me a completely useless error each time, each time on a different query, and I have no FUCKING clue what the FUCK it wants. So it can just FUCKING FUCK OFF. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE

Things to note from these examples:

You are not being graded on grammar / spelling / punctuation. As long as the punctuation enhances your ability to understand the sentence, it's correct.

It's largely a snapshot of MY internal state, not the state of the project. In contrast to everything western-supremacist culture tells you about suppressing your feelings, emotions [x] make [x] memories [x] stronger. That last one may not look like much of a hint, but when I got into work the next day, I read that, and I knew exactly what I had to do in order to continue work on the project.

Also please note that I have been using this system for a while, and I've gotten pretty good at guessing what future!me is going to need. You'll get better with practice. Just keep swimming, and be kind to yourself

And then also write down ...

3) Translating knowledge into action

As Russell Barkley says, "You've got a real problem on your hands. Cuz you can know stuff, and you won't do stuff." [x] The ADHD brain (apparently, I'm not a neuroscientist, I'm just trusting this neuroscientist) has a gap, or a wall, between knowledge and performance.

That is to say .... apparently most people .... if they know what needs to happen .... that means they can just .... do it??? Like, that's enough?? IDK, it sounds crazy to me, but I'm trying to respect that neurotypicals are the experts on their own experiences

I mentioned this in my stimulus-setup post [x], but putting "I need to decide which window to put this fan in" doesn't do a damn thing for me. I KNOW I need to figure out which window to put it in; the step after that is measuring the window, and I can't bloody measure the window if I don't know which window I'm measuring, can I? That much is obvious; any idiot could figure THAT out. But how do I figure that out??

So that's problem number three: every time I stop working on a project, I've lost the momentum, and I can spin my wheels for hours trying to find enough traction to translate knowledge into action again.

The most common way to try to compensate for this problem is to just try to remember this information until I get back to the project, but that leads to so many other problems. I have to keep checking myself: do I still remember? What was that list? Run over it again? It's hypervigilance, and it causes all kinds of health problems, and it makes for shitty doing-work-while-I-sleep dreams, and it's also a terrible way to live. And also, even if I succeed, it means I'm keeping the damn thing in working memory, which I already don't have enough of.

No, what I need to write down, as the last line in that note I'm leaving for myself, is the actual next thing that needs doing. "Check which window better fits the fan." That's actionable. That's a clear instruction -- especially if I've already left myself a note about which two windows are the final candidates, and where the fan is. That takes the goal and turns it into a thing that can be done.

A sample of the types of notes I have left myself:

open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Docmentation.docx

Pull a chair up to the loom, and start re-stringing.

Find the damn manuscript

Go through the pattern and ID (and outline in bold) sections that could be sewn together with all one piece of yarn

Things to note from these examples:

Some of these steps are really really simple. Yes, in fact, I did indeed get hung up -- not on the incredibly gumption-draining process of re-stringing a loom, no -- I got hung up on the fact that we don't keep a chair next to the loom. If I pulled a chair up, I could do the rest of the project. I refuse to be ashamed of this. Neurotypicals suck at stuff I'm amazing at, and I suck at stuff they take for granted. If I write down "pull up a chair", the work gets done. That's what works for me. So I do it. Remember that you can't edit the manuscript until you find it. Write out the full path to the file; start your instruction with "go to the garage" ... do whatever it takes to make it actionable for you

for computer work, see if your OS gives you a way to make the computer do some of this work. In Linux and macOS, open is a valid command, which means I don't even have to remember how to open a document: I can just copy-paste open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Docmentation.docx into terminal, and the document I need will magically appear on my screen.

Because I already have notes on the overall flow (see step 2), I don't have to have a lot of details or context in these notes. I don't have to specify where "the pattern" is, because the project notes already have a link to the pattern for this project.

Actionable Takeaways:

Before you start work on something:

Figure out what needs to be done for this project and how all the pieces will fit together (Detailed post on that at [link]) into one big project operation

Write that operation down

Before you stop work on something:

Write down anything you're keeping in working memory in order to be doing the work you're doing

Write down your current emotional state / inner dialogue

Write down the simplest, clearest instruction you can on what actual action you need to do to proceed.

[kanesthirstblog]

NSFW ALPHABET: ABE HARUAKI

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Requires lots of aftercare but also wants to take care of you. Very clingly, like, will latch onto you and cuddle you for the rest of the night clingy. You should probably give him some reassurance or comfort, he seems like the type to stress about whether or not he was any good to you once the fun is over.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hmmm... Totally the sappy kinda guy who tells you he loves all of your body and thinks it's beautiful and 100% means every praise he sings you about it. He loves everything about you from your soft hair to the tips of your toes.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

God. Just imagining him sprawled out on any surface with an exhausted yet dopey look in his eyes, covered in his own cum (and/or yours of course!) after a few rounds of sex really makes me feel satisfied. Really can't explain this one

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Secretly a bit of a masochist but also scared of being hurt so he never asks even if he really wants to.

Also secretly owns a couple erotic novels he used as "research" when you first brought up wanting a sexual relationship. Since you are his first, he would want to see how he's supposed to act in that scenenrio so he could please you properly. (But damn was he shocked when you wanted to be the dominant one. That wasn't in his books.) Haruaki learns the importance of communication that day.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dudes a canon virgin y'all. This also excites me.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Secretly loves it when he's on his back so he can see your face as you ride him or peg him. He just thinks you're the prettiest person he's evermet and loves watching you even as you tease or toy with him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a sappy guy. Would probably look at you like a puppy who sees someone they really love. Besides that he's have that dopey look like he's never been happier than he is in that moment, smiling up at you.

Once you've had sex a couple times he might start opening up more, cracking jokes and asking shy requests from you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Yup. Makes sure he's nice and clean especially

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He really tries hard to be romantic but he has 0 experience in this area and often fumbles his way through it by trying to be sweet and make you feel good. Very bad at saying romantic things and would probably give up after a bit before he dies from embarassment.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Tbh I actually think he'd barely masturbate if he did at all. This is partly because I actually have an asexual headcanon for him and partly cause in canon he seems really put off by sexual things if not being outright afraid of them.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Contrary to some of the fandom headcanons, I don't really imagine the sailor uniform thing as a kink. It just seems like a typical fixation or something that gets played up for laughs to a strange degree. But maybe thats my ADHD dumbass brain projecting my ADHD onto a fave. (Off topic but him knowing everything about sailor uniforms, from design to creation, being able to make them himself, getting happy any time he sees one, ect. Are headcanons I have because his weird fixation with them reminds me of my fixation on rocks, mushrooms, and jewelry.)

HOWEVER

Praise kink. Body worship. He'd love to be pet gently while you tell him how pretty he is. How you love his soft hair or his long legs or slender form as you lightly trail you fingertips down his body or card fingers through his hair. And he would do the same for you too.

Might at least try pegging, and then realizes he actually likes it when you hold him down and pound his ass.

Would be too embarrassed and a bit scared to bring this up but actually likes the idea being treated roughly. If you could pull at his hair and bite him even a little bit he'd practically melt in your hands.

Might try bondage if it's light. Soft hand cuffs or silk ropes are the way to go.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

At home. Anywhere is fine as long as its at home

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The fastest way is probably being physical with him or just stripping for him. He gets embarassed and tries to hide but you know he's aroused, you can feel it when you sit on his lap.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He'd probably not be okay with having more than one partner. You might frighten him if he starts feeling like you guys are ganging up on him.

Public/semi-public sex is a no go. Especially since he is a teacher, he wouldn't risk his job on the off chance you both get caught.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I think he actually might no be very into oral at first. But will give or recieve though you may have to hear some complaint about it being kind of unsanitary or something. He's also kinda bad a giving oral but what did you expect? He's a virgin.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Personally prefers the slow and sensual kinda sex but you set the pace regardless so ultimately it's up to you. He won't be turned into a stuttering mess right away if you guys take it slow.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Alright with it as long as it stays private. You'll be the only one asking for these but try to get him in the morning before he leaves for work so you can corner him against a counter. Its best when his back is turned so you can grab his hair and lick along his throat, nipping here and there. He'd shiver in your arms as you trail a hand down to undo his pants

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as it isn't a risk to him (would probably be too scared to try knifeplay) or job (no public/semi-public sex) you could probably talk him into it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Hmmm... Depends I guess. I feel like he might only be active for a round or maybe 2 before he starts slowing down. You could still pound the guy into the mattress but he'll have those half lidded doe eyes cloudy with exhaustion. He'd wrap his arms around you loosely as if you'll help ground him to the waking world and try to hold you closer to him.

At that point you should definitely ask a few times before you start another round to make sure he's okay and reassure him that it's alright to stop now. Strikes me as someone who could easily fall into a place where he'd hide his desire to stop just so you can use him for your own fun since it makes you happy. That could be kinda bad for his mental health.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

You'd be the one with all the toys tbh. But you can sure as hell use them on him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's not much of a tease but if he's feeling playful, he might play up the innocent look of his. He really is a pretty innocent guy actually, but he knows you love that sweet look he's got to him and he will use it on you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So damn loud. This guy would moan and beg loudly, scream your name and plead for mercy, for relief as you all but eat him alive. Might even cry and whine and beg. Oh, but he tries to be quiet so he doesn't risk disturbing anyone. He'd purse his lips and turn away from you while you play with his body in an attempt to stay quiet but he always gives in quickly. It's easy to turn this guy into a whimpering, begging mess no matter how many times you do this.

You'll know when he's tired because he will be unable to make much noise besides low pants and gasps. Probably best to wrap things up at that point before ya fuck him unconcious.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I have a few actually.

-Has a hard time saying no to you. He's a bit cowardly and overthinks and he would be afraid to lose a first relationship. This is potentially hazardous to his mental health because he might say "yes" to something he doesn't want for fear of losing you. Consent is important though so even if it's difficult at first, keep checking to make sure he's alright.

-I actually headcanon him as a sex indifferent asexual. He can 100% live with sex or without it. Doesn't matter to him, though he's terrified of trying it for the first time.

-The first time you tried to get him in bed, you pinned him to a wall and he was terrified because he thought you were trying to shake him down or harass him. (Well, the latter part was true but not the way he expected.) And then you kissed him and he straight up broke, wrapped himself in blankets and hid under the futon for the rest of the day. Disappointing? Sure, but damn was it cute.

-I'm actually caught up on how he would take to dirty talk tbh since a lot of it I've seen or heard involves some form or another of calling your partner a slut or whatever. Seems to be popular. On one hand if he's secretly a masochist, he might be into it. But on the other, he also seems like he might take anything you say to him to heart and beat himself up over it and would ultimately not like it. Also probably would not be comfortable if he did the dirty talking and assuming he manages to make it through the night without apologizing to you for everything he says, then you'll hear it when you finish.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Mandragora patterned briefs. You cannot change my mind on this one.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very, so he's pretty chill about it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends on how much you exhausted him but it usually doesn't take that long.

Bonus:

Some more cute Haruaki.