apatheticchocobar - Tumblr blog

[apatheticchocobar]

solo date ideas

bookstore Bahrisons Booksellers Galleria Kunzum - DLF Mega Mall

library couldn't find anything nice in gurgaon :(

Different language libraries in south delhi https://www.reddit.com/r/delhi/comments/13ovdmb/libraries_in_delhi/

swimming Fitso Gallant

therapist

misfits (book club)

walking (eventually running)

exercise in room

cooking new recipes Jamie Oliver

kathak

guitar (buy and learn online)

malls Ambience Mega Mall

reading books

journaling

skincare, haircare

movie in theater

learn french

[apatheticchocobar]

almost a month already

...since job started

its nice i guess, i already know some people at work, only trainings going on for now

but i don't have any friends here, i don't think there has been even one weekend when i haven't cried about the loneliness

i don't have anyone to do anything with, i don't want to come off as desperate but my co workers are just that... coworkers

i resolve to try to do things on my own till i find someone, i will not become a sad person who does nothing on weekends just binge watch, eat junk food and masturbate

why can't i make friends easily, why am i so awkward :(

[apatheticchocobar]

apping

i don't wish to sound ungrateful, i'm very glad to have a job, to be given this opportunity but i don't want to live in gurgaon

it's just not for me, the safety issues, pollution, extreme temperatures...

i'll try to apply for more jobs and write my experience here, as mom said i have nothing to lose

first i need to make the dreaded resume

to be updated...

[apatheticchocobar]

trying

recently i have just stopped trying

to get something better, to learn something new, to do something even if i'm not good, even if i won't get anything out of it

this feeling that i don't deserve anything and i should be happy to have got what i did

that there are many people better and more deserving

i don't want to be like this

i'll try to get what i want, i'm capable, i'm deserving, if others can do it then i can do it too

be it a job, or any other opportunity

with this post i'll start trying

[apatheticchocobar]

last 5 insti days

i don't think i have ever been more stressed than i was in those days. just a reflection on what all happened and how i feel about it now 6th night starting with the attempt. we went to valfie, was so sentimental, cried a bit. went to a club after that, so many elec people. on the way there, we decided the degree is over now, no one was in the mood to go back to work on that last shit assignment. for the first time, i danced freely, well maybe not completely, but i actually had fun dancing in a crowded loud place. i felt so free. and also sad that it's ending, everything would be different now. came back, and was drinking aamras in the gymkhana, soaking it all in, when we got the call. it sounded unbelievable, i didn't know what to say or do, none of us did. we started running like crazy, in the middle of the road. somehow made it to energy, searched there frantically. went back to our hostel, tried everything

[apatheticchocobar]

(last) summer to do list

arrange room get rid of useless clothes/other stuff write yearbook messages check if any mastercard work remaining look for pg in gurgaon learn to drive scooter and car loose weight gmat prep go through all saved reels organise spotify finish writing the 5 days post

[apatheticchocobar]

is this it

10 days to go and idk what i feel like. definitely sad, also this feeling that i didn't make the best use of the resources i got. didn't do anything exceptional. didn't make a lot of friends. well going in i was worried if i will make any friends at all so at least i did a bit better than that but still. i've always wanted to do something big and idk if i'll ever be able to do that

[apatheticchocobar]

short term plans

what i can do now

to be updated

[apatheticchocobar]

some things i want to learn

dance guitar singing swimming gym driving french ice skating skateboarding makeup investing in stocks reading books skincare ADHD management badminton tennis kathak (complete degree)

[apatheticchocobar]

big dreams

i have these big dreams, one day i'll be a ceo, i'll travel the world, i'll write a book, i'll fall in love with someone while on an adventurous trip, i'll go to harvard...

realistically, they seem really far away. as of now, i have an okayish job in gurgaon and a very average transcript, graduating in 15 days.

i don't know what the future holds, but i really hope i get to do atleast some of this, that i get to take risks and try new things

i don't want to be 27, with a dead end job i hate, and getting arranged married to someone

or even if this happens, it's by my choice, not just because of circumstances

i don't want to be left with thoughts of "what if.." i had done something, but it's too late now

at 22, maybe i'm naive but i never want to stop being curious, open to new things, and enjoying life to the fullest

maybe i should start planning for the short term, what can i do in my job now so that these new doors open up

20 years from now you'd give anything to be this age again, have this time, and be this healthy

[apatheticchocobar]

to be bought list

my year of rest and relaxation

the bell jar

exciting times

razors edge

before the coffee gets cold

loveless

we learn nothing

girl, woman, other

rich dad poor dad

[apatheticchocobar]

the end of an era

i clearly remember going to my first offline class in insti, 302 (controls)

we were all wearing masks, took a picture in the end in the LH

was so wowed by how pretty the classrooms were, had sent the picture to mom and she was so proud and emotional

and now, it's the end. had my last class ever today. i don't know what i'm feeling. the graduating feeling has still not fully set in. but i do feel a little sad.

god knows how i'll be feeling on 10th may

We're only gettin' older, baby And I've been thinkin' about it lately Does it ever drive you crazy Just how fast the night changes?

[apatheticchocobar]

watchlist

MOVIES

The Wedding Guest

Lion

Wes Anderson movies

Madgaon Express

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Monkey Man

TV SHOWS

The Newsroom

Skins

[apatheticchocobar]

auroville

i wanna go to auroville again, live there, attend random workshops, volunteer, eat at cute cafes

[apatheticchocobar]

things i'll pay for when i have a job

flow club

newslaundry

wikipedia

netlix/prime etc

spotify

youtube premium

therapy/medication

kindle

[apatheticchocobar]

why did i say that

so on sunday we went out to dinner, all the graph people. there one of the girls was wearing a dress which had a deep cut neckline. she was wearing a bra underneath to cover that up.

i, as a joke, told her that she should just wear it directly and we both laughed about it

but then, for some reason, i went on about how bizarre it is that such dresses with such deep necks exist and who even wears such clothes

this other girl then said, yeah they do exist and people do wear them

and it hit me then, girls can wear whatever they want to, i have always believed that, why was i saying these judgy aunty things?? or in instagram terms, why was i "hating like a man"

is it my own insecurities showing up? that i won't ever have the confidence to wear something like this?

this is not the kind of person i want to be :(

[apatheticchocobar]

long time no see

hmm its been a while, new year, welcome 2024!

but same old me :/

this week: haven't done an assignment, its 2 days since deadline already ordering food atleast once everyday weighed just now, 65.8 kg :(( (have gained 1 kg instead of losing)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa