#but I have decided for myself that I want to try for better than good

[crabdragonz]

I had a job that basically always decided that I'd work every single holiday alone, major or minor, and it was a popular job. I was the only disabled employee they had. Every time outside of those shifts, when I'd walk slowly out of exhaustion from every single holiday, they'd tell me to "have more urgency" even on a slow day. I wasn't allowed to take breaks unless there were no customers there, meaning rarely ever sitting down and not being able to eat during an 8-10 hour shift. I wasn't even allowed to have my water with me. If I needed it, I had to go to the break room to get it. Then my coworkers started having problems with me where they'd tell me, "I know you're disabled and struggling, but uhhh... idk just do better" when I'd be doing everything I can to just get through the day and be good to customers and keep everything clean and clear. When I brought that talk up to my manager, she decided to facilitate a talk with us about it . My coworker said the same exact things, and my boss refused to let me defend myself about it. Here's the thing, though: it was better than before because my boss before this would discriminate and regularly antagonize and try to embarrass me in front of customers while on the job on top of this by trying to threaten me. When he was in charge, I was able to have breaks, but again, he was actively threatening me. I got him fired, not for discrimination (which the company knew about because it was on the cameras), but because he was stealing time from the company despite being salary. My next job gave me so few hours I couldn't even survive on the money I made. I was only getting 5 hours a week and being paid $10 a day, but their merchandise was heavily discounted and it's one of my favorite stores, so most of my paycheck went right back into the company. I got my name changed while working there, and they refused to change it in the system. It was just an overall nightmare. I haven't found work since then, and I'm honestly terrified that I never will despite wanting nothing more than to never need to work again.

I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.

I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.

My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."

That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!

[thatonefanficwriternooneknows]

FoxQuin Week Day 1 - Shovel Talk

Good Afternoon/Morning/Evening/Night!

Here for your reading pleasure is day 1 of FoxQuin Week! I decided to be extra (and hate myself) and work in both the quote prompt and the writing prompt because why not :D

So this one is Fox's Batch Giving Quinlan the Shovel Talk and "What do you mean you're married?" (@foxquinweek )

It is a little over 1k so enjoy :D

Quinlan is having a rather odd day.

It started with Commander Wolffe trying to corner him in the halls of the Temple, it continued with Commander Ponds staring at him during the council meeting he was asked to, and it kept up with Commander Cody trying to get his attention in the mess hall.

Now, when Quinlan was trying to spend some quality time with his padawan, that may or may not include some recreational murder, Commander Bly kept swerving the conversation around to Fox.

That’s when the dots started to connect.

“Why exactly do you keep bringing Commander Fox up, Bly? Is there something you want to know?”

Aayla’s head perked up, looking at Quinlan and Bly with her wide eyes, smelling gossip no doubt. Bly stuttered through some word vomit before caving and muttering “never mind”.

They didn’t get to their recreational murder, but Quinlan had a great time making Bly uncomfortable with random mentions of what Fox and him get up to in their spare time. Without specifically saying Fox’s name.

It was quite fun.

Odd, but fun.

As the day passed, the Commanders tried more and more interesting ways to corner him. It didn’t work because, one, Quinlan grew up here and knew every hiding place, and two, he was a kriffing Shadow. If they wanted to corner him they’d have to get up to Fox’s level.

But, all good things had to come to an end, and it ended with Quinlan sitting at the Jedi Commissary with Captain Rex sitting across from him…cleaning his blaster while pointedly staring at Quinlan.

Not subtle, this lot.

Quinlan smirked at the blond captain and kept eating his food like he didn’t have a single care in the world.

Which he didn’t, because Fox’s batch’s approval meant nothing to him.

Fox’s opinion was the only opinion when it came to their relationship.

Soon enough, every single Commander that tried to corner him today was on Rex’s side of the table, staring Quinlan down, their Jedi were sitting on Quinlan’s side radiating concern.

Considering the only beings that knew about him and Fox were Tholme and Aayla that was fair.

“So…Jedi Master Quinlan Vos.” Wolffe started and Quinlan chuckled at the concerned sounds coming from Plo.

“So, Commander Wolffe.” Quinlan was nothing if not an asshole.

The one eyed commander glared at him with his one good eye, likely hoping Quinlan would spontaneously burst into flame if he glared hard enough.

Jokes on him, though, Quinlan has been glared at harsher by worse.

“Let’s just cut the chase, what are your intentions with our kih’vod, Vos?” Cody cut in on the staring contest.

Quinlan chuckled at several Jedi Councilors choking on their food.

He leaned back in his chair, smirking happily at the group of angry vode glaring at him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you mean.” Quinlan shrugged and kept eating, moving his attention to his wrist comm and the message from Fox on it.

The Hot (definitely) One: please ignore my batchers

                Thorn told them

                he’s being properly punished

The Smart (allegedly) One: lol

no worries, babe

                this is kriffing hilarious

The Hot (definitely) One: you have an odd sense of humor

                are you in the Temple?

The Smart (allegedly) One: commissary

The Hot (definitely) One: be right there

Quinlan smiled and returned to his food, smiling at Wolffe who was ignoring his food in favor of stabbing it menacingly.

Hex definitely did it better.

(Fox’s batchers attempting a compactor talk was infinitely amusing. More so when one considers the fact that no one could possibly be scarier than the CMO of the Guard, and Hex had cornered Quinlan seconds after he convinced Fox to give them a chance.

That man was terrifying.

Quinlan was convinced the war would be over if they just set the Guard CMO on the Separatist Senate.)

“We know you know who Fox is, General.” Ponds finally piped up. Good for him.

“Oh I definitely know Fox. What does that have to do with your kih’vod?” Quinlan was definitely being a shit right now. He was entitled.

Wolffe slammed his fists onto the table top, rattling the dishes and startling everyone not involved in this conflict.

“Stop being obtuse, Vos. What are your intentions with Fox?” Wolffe hissed out, Bly placing a placating hand on his shoulder and muttering under his breath about tempers.

Quinlan rested his cheek on his fist and hummed.

“My intentions are between Fox and I, Commander.” He couldn’t help but purr out, tempted to see how worked up he could get the batch before they caved and started threatening him outright.

Wolffe let out a strangled scream and made to launch across the table at Quinlan, only to be held back by Bly and Cody and slammed back into his seat.

“Fox is a grown vod, he can make his own decisions. But Vos, if you hurt him…well…” Rex trailed off and started putting his blaster together with emphasized movements.

Quinlan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your compactor talk is so cute, Commanders, Captain. But CMO Hex already beat you to it. And ARC Captain Lex, Lieutenant Tina, Commander Thorn, Stone and Thire, even Sargent Apex. His was the funniest honestly.” Quinlan chuckled, remembering the scarred Sargent nonchalantly assembling a bomb while telling Quinlan all the things Fox has done for him and his batch.

It was almost the opposite of a compactor talk, actually.

The Commanders blinked in unison before their brows furrowed and their lips pursed.

Not his fault Fox’s batch weren’t up to date with the Guard personnel.

“Who is Fox?” Obi-wan was looking at Quinlan with his kicked tooka eyes and he vaguely felt bad for not telling his best friend about Fox, but also…things have been happening pretty fast.

He opened his mouth to answer, honestly for once, but a gloved hand slid around his neck and lightly tilted his chin up and Quinlan smiled as Fox pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

Fox’s answering smile was stunning.

“Me’vaar ti gar, riduur?” Fox asked against his lips, pulling back just far enough for Quinlan to have space to answer.

“Naas, ner riduur.” Quinlan responded before snaking his hand into Fox’s lovely locks to pull him in for another kiss.

Idly he heard the clattering of glassware and a strangled scream.

Quinlan looked over at their audience, smirking when Fox brushed his lips against his cheek while burying his face into Quinlan’s shoulders.

Everyone seemed to speak or shout at once and it echoed into the commissary, Fox’s shoulders shaking as his laugh echoed Quinlan’s.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE MARRIED?!”

[tinylilacbun]

Leverage

Summary: Rafe owes Barry a lot of money and the pogue is done with waiting, so he takes the only thing that gets the Cameron boy moving.

Pairing: daddy!rafe x little!reader, barry x little!reader

Warnings: age regression, dark themes, kidnapping, drugging, swearing, happy ending, set in season 1, word count: 1,4k

•─────⋅☾⋅─────•

You hum to the current song that's playing from your phone as you apply body lotion onto your skin, having just finished taking a bath and getting ready for the day.

Rafe is already out and about. He did ask if you wanted to come with him but you rather wanted to sleep in.

After you finish spreading the lotion everywhere you put on your clothes, a plaid skirt and pastel colored shirt to match and fits your headspace as you start to feel like regressing, fixing your hair a little before grabbing your phone and leaving the bathroom.

You make your way downstairs to eat some breakfast, ascend the stairs and walk past the entrance hallway, stopping in your tracks when you see the front door slightly open.

"Sarah? Wheezie?" You call out, getting no response as the house is completely empty, or so you thought.

Before you could take another step, a hand clamps over your mouth, muffling your screams as you trash in the intruder's arms, breathing heavily and suddenly starting to feel dizzy as you inhale a rather sweet scent.

"You can thank Rafe for this, sugar." You hear a familiar voice whisper in your ear just as your vision turns black.

When your eyes finally flutter open again you groan softly, sitting up on the creaky mattress as you try to get your bearings, lifting your hands only to find them tied together with rope that's tightly looped around the bedframe and tug on it.

You frown, your fuzzy brain getting a little more clear as you look around the room you're in, taking how messy it is and the smell of weed and other stuff you don't even figure out lingering in the air.

Your body jolts when you hear footsteps approaching the room, pulling your knees up and tense as the door unlocks and opens with a creak.

There stands Barry, with a cigarette between his lips and a twisted smile forming on his face. You barely know him, he's Rafe's dealer and that's about it.

Well, you only know his name, that hes a pogue, and now partly dangerous.

"G'morning there, pretty girl." He drawls, stepping into the room and beside the bed.

You instinctively scoot as far as your bound wrists let you, your lip trembling as the fear creeps up about not knowing what he's gonna do or why you're here in the first place.

"Easy. M'not gonna hurt you, I mean, unless you decide to be difficult." He chuckles, reaching out to pat your head in a patronizing way before taking a drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke in your direction. "Sorry that I had to drag you into this shit but your loverboy messed up bad this time, and I ain't gonna let myself be fucked around with."

"R-Rafe? What did he do?" You ask shakily, and hoping for your life that he's already on his way to get you because you can feel yourself panicking and regressing because of this whole situation.

"You see, he owes me 20 grand and has been late on paying it back. I'm done waiting and to get his ass moving, I have to motivate him a little, and what better way is there than you, his sweet girl." He explains, dubbing his cigarette out in an ashtray on the nightstand.

He pulls out your phone, looking back at you expectantly. "Code?" You keep your mouth shut, which seems to be a mistake when he narrows his eyes, leaning closer to your face. "Listen, either you tell me willingly or I'll force it out of you."

"2406..." You mutter out. it's the date you and Rafe got together.

"There, good choice." He murmurs, getting into your contact list and looking for Rafe's number, lifting the phone to his ear after hitting the call button.

"Baby? Where are you? I thought-" Rafe starts when Barry cuts him off.

"Country club, haven't heard from you in a while." Barry greets him enthusiastically. "A'ight, let's get this straight. I got your girl here and if you want her back in one piece you get me my money. I'll give you 24 hours."

"Barry, I swear if you touch a single hair on her head I'll-" Rafe is about to threaten him.

"You're not really in the position for making any threats, y'know?" Barry teases him.

"Let me talk to her." Rafe demands and Barry holds the phone to your ear with a smirk.

"R-Rafey?" You speak with a tremble in your voice, feeling tears building up in your eyes.

"Baby, are you okay? I'll be there soon, yeah? Just, stay calm and don't do anything. Daddy's gonna handle this, you hear me? I promise." He assures you and you nod even though he can't see you, starting to sniffle.

Barry lifts the phone back to his ear. "20k. 24 hours. And don't you dare pulling any shit, got it?" He warns him before ending the call, tossing your phone out of your reach. "Hungry or thirsty? Don't look at me like that. I may be a criminal but I'm no monster, sugar."

It's been awhile since you woke up. You have been fed and hydrated throughout the whole time, anxiously waiting for Rafe to arrive and save you.

You can't even get yourself to be mad at him for getting you into this whole mess, you just want to be held by him more than anything right now.

You're pulled out of your thoughts when Barry comes into the room again, walking over to you and untangles the rope from the bedframe but keeps your wrists still tied.

He grabs your arm and you yelp in surprise as he yanks you up to stand, pulling you with him while you stumble to try and keep up with him.

As you're dragged into another room relief washes over you when you see Rafe pacing restlessly, holding a black bag tightly in his hand, stopping in his tracks as his eyes lock with yours.

He instinctively attempts to take a step towards you but stops again when Barry pulls out his gun, pressing it to your side. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, you know better. Money first."

Rafe scowls but tosses the open bag onto the coffee table, the many bundled stacks of money visible as he holds his hand out. "Now let her go."

Barry nods, tilting his head a little to glance at you . "I'll miss your company." He breathes into your ear before he lets you go, tucking his gun into the waistband of his pants, looking back at Rafe. "Don't run off, gotta count it first."

Without hesitation you crash into Rafe's body, holding onto his shirt with all your might as you start to cry into his chest, all the while Barry sits down on his worn out couch and starts to count the money.

Rafe hurriedly unties your wrists, rubbing his thumb carefully over the slight rope burns, his chest feeling tight at your quiet whimper and wraps his arms tightly around you.

You instantly wrap your arms around him, gripping onto the back of his shirt.

"Shh, it's okay now, I got you..." He shushes you, his one hand holding the back of your head, pressing a reassuring kiss to your temple. "I'm sorry."

A few minutes later you hear Barry whistle, turning your head a little to face him as Rafe tightens his hold on you, afraid to let you go. "You're good to go, country club. See this as a warning as to what happens the next you think to fuck with me."

Not even answering, Rafe simply picks you up bridal style and leaves the trailer with you clinging to him desperately, making his way to his truck.

"I really didn't mean for this to happen, y'know that, right?" He asks as he keeps walking, feeling you nod against him.

"I knows...s'okay." You hiccup, nuzzling your face in his neck to inhale his cologne. "Was really scared, daddy."

"I know, I know. Daddy makes sure to never ever let this happen again, yeah?" He promises, setting you down in the passenger seat and buckling your seat belt, reaching up to wipe some of your tears away. "I love you, more than anything."

You give him a smile, leaning into his touch. "Luv you more..."

He leans closer to peck your lips before shutting the car door, walking over to the driver's side and hopping in.

Quickly turning on the engine he drives away from Barry's trailer, placing his hand on top of your thigh in a protective and reassuring way, occasionally squeezing or rubbing your soft skin.

[balkanradfem]

As you might have figured out, I don't like buying stuff. I despise the store, the supermarket, the mall, to hell with them. I will make whatever I need from stuff I have at home, or I will find it outside, or get it from someone who doesn't need it anymore, my last ditch effort will be the second hand market.

But, it also happens that I had a need to buy.. a specific thing. And I couldn't get it from the second hand market, and I didn't know anyone who had an extra one. This of course, caused me pain and anguish, because it meant I would have to walk into a store, grab a product that wasn't strictly necessary for human survival, and then pay for it, and walk out. Like a consumer.

And it's not like my life depended on it, I just, really wanted one, okay.

I needed a silicone spatula.

One thing I hate even more than buying things, is throwing food away, and sometimes,,, I could not get the last drop of the soup from the big soup pot, I couldn't wrangle out the last few drops of salsa sauce I canned, I couldn't get every last bit of pancake mix to drip outside the bowl. That is another torment which I tried to resolve by excessive spoon scraping, shoving my tongue inside jars, trying to dilute it with water and getting it out that way. But deep inside I knew there was a better way. That this could be dealt with in an easy, efficient, satisfying way with a single valuable object. A spatula.

I didn't do it impulsively; I had gotten some excellent news and I decided, as a celebration, that I would buy myself a spatula. It would be one thing I do out of my ordinary life, because it was an extraordinary day and I had just so much happiness and courage I could just manage to buy an object.

I have examined multiple stores to see what they were offering, and in the end found the cheapest, but the most beautiful looking spatula (it had a transparent handle with little bubbles inside, so fun!) and I grabbed it in awe, thinking how it will be the most beautiful object in the kitchen. But then. My environment-loving brain warned me that I'm about to buy an object made out of silicone. And I didn't know if silicone was environmentally friendly!

So I grabbed my phone, typed in 'environmental impact of silicone production' and read articles obsessively, standing in the store in the spatula isle. I found out it is better than plastic, but not ideal; it's not actively damaging the environment, it comes from natural materials, it's very resistant to heat and unlikely to damage anyone's health, it doesn't shed microplastic, but it's energy-consuming to produce it and it doesn't degrade or compost once it's made.

It wasn't a good environmental choice for me to buy the spatula. I was staring at it longingly, thinking of all of the food I could save with it. All the jars I could scrape clean, all soup that would be eaten. And I came to the conclusion that if this is the only spatula I ever buy, if I never throw it away, if I find someone to give it to at the moment of my death, who would also use it – then it doesn't matter as much that it's non compostable. It will be a lifetime object that I will cherish. And the rush and excitement I had built up, I couldn't give it up. So filled with existential guilt and shame for single handledly ruining the environment, I purchased my 2 euro spatula.

And it was glorious. Every single day I would be filled with happiness and satisfaction from this object, which would clean bowls and jars and pots from food so efficiently I actually had less work washing them later! I was getting more food, nothing was getting thrown away, my food-efficient brain was with me; this was an excellent idea. I am powerful, I am not wasting any food anymore, I can clean my pots and bowls with ease, all of the pancake mix is out, the joy could not be greater.

And just then – my new roommate moved in. And I love my roommate, and I noticed she didn't have any dishes or cutlery, so I told her with open heart, she could use mine as much as she likes, and I'd lend her pots and pans too if she needed them. Of course I would, she's a hard-working woman from Nepal who is so kind and works so much every day.

But this lovely, wonderful, awe-inspiring woman, decided to... she decided to cook her food exclusively using the spatula. We have so many wooden spoons meant for cooking and stirring, without even looking I can tell you we have 8. An excessive amount. They are all displayed in a big jar where I keep my spoons, wooden spoons and spatula. But the woman decided, no, I will use the spatula to cook every meal. Maybe it's because it's new and shiny? Maybe it's what she uses at home? I don't know.

And after cooking, she simply discards the spatula at the bottom of the sink.. and leaves it there.

And then I come to the kitchen, and look for spatula, and realize it's dirty, and I'm unwilling to do other people's dishes because that has never gone well in the past, so I just. Leave it there. And then make pancakes and weep. Because what have I done. I don't have the heart to tell this kind, warm, hardworking woman to not use my spatula, because she has enough trouble already in life, and she must like the spatula if she uses it! I can't tell her to wash it every time immediately because I know she has to rush for work and I also fail to do my dishes consistently and just wash them on Saturdays. I would look like a hypocrite. I can't tell her I'm a weirdo obsessed with scraping food from everything I cook in because I don't want to freak her out. And ultimately, does it really matter that much? It's just a spatula. It's just a spatula.

So I am writing to merely share my pain, caused by odd tendencies, enhanced by intense struggle with consumerism, and finding out in the end, it didn't even matter. My beloved spatula is currently in the sink, drenched and sullied from not even scraping food, but from stirring it instead. I was so happy to use it for a little bit. May she rest in peace.

[onionpainter]

just found your blog, I think your paintings are absolutely gorgeous! I've been wondering, what draws you to work with oil paints above other mediums? I've found them very tricky to work with in the past and I'm fascinated by the depth and cleanliness you can bring to them

Hello there, thank you for asking! I’m very glad to hear you enjoy my work :) I have many reasons why I must work in oil, allow me to offer you this numbered list. I am very normal about it.

The art which I have grown up loving and aspiring to make was largely made with oil. It is my strong feeling that if you want to recreate an art style, the easiest way to achieve this is to use the same medium in the same way that the original artist made their work in. All mediums have their own idiosyncrasies and it is far more practical to use the same medium than to try to recreate the effect of one medium through another medium. I learned this the hard way trying to achieve the particular look of paint tool SAI, first through drawings coloured with water based paints, then with clip studio paint. It is better to use the same materials that your chosen art movement used if you want to work accurately in the style. I was asked once why I don’t use watercolour. I don’t use watercolour because I can’t make an oil painting out of it.

They are difficult to gain control over. This seems like a point against them, but let me tell you why this is a point in their favour for me. There was a time in my digital illustration career when I hit a very brutal plateau. I was very bored and I strongly disliked working on my commissions. Digital art had ceased to be particularly hard in terms of program handling, but my drawing skills were weak at the time. I decided I needed something properly difficult, and not having had time or space until that point to work in oil, I took it up again. Being so unpracticed and unskilled, it was very punishing, frustrating, and unrewarding, and by the end of my painting practice I would be begging to return to the relative ease of my digital work. Of course, there is only so long that I can engage with a skill before I fall into a bottomless pit of commitment.

Another point regarding difficulty and maybe more importantly, perceived difficulty. I am a highly competitive person, some might say pathologically. And since oil is often seen as the most difficult medium [although I would say, again, it is the easiest thing to make an oil painting out of] there is then less overall competition within the medium than there is in water based mediums for example. I compare this to another scenario, that of horse training. Why would a horse trainer choose to work with feral, unhandled mustangs, when you can work with a nice horse who has been handled and conditioned from foalhood? One reason is to show very high level horsemanship. If you train a mustang then you really know how to train horses. Technical difficulty can be dealt with, it is only a matter of hundreds of hours of work. Oversaturation of a niche, however, is a much more difficult problem, which is also out of my personal control. I’d rather prove myself against one oil painter than three acrylic painters.

On the topic of perceptions, oil is commonly seen as the most valuable type of painting. I’m not saying that’s a fair perception, just that it exists. Often when people think of “good paintings” the paintings they imagine are typically in oil. I’m sure we’ve all seen particularly dynamic fotografs compared to oil paintings. This has two functions for me, one, that I can make these objects of perceived value, which please and entertain. The second function of them is to legitimize myself as an artist in the eyes of the general public. Digital art is a commonly devalued and little known or cared about art form, even though so much incredible contemporary art is of digital mediums. Unless someone is already involved in digital art communities, it can be difficult for them to relate to it or even imagine what it could be, or how it is made, even though it permeates society. Digital art is seen as low art. On the other hand, the first thing that comes to mind for people when they think of art or “Fine Art” is usually oil paintings. There are significant social advantages to being able to say “I am a painter” versus the awkwardness of having to admit “I am a digital illustrator” with all of the confusion and skepticism that brings. Again, I don’t bring this up in order to champion this line of thinking, I am just saying that this perception exists.

On a technical level, there is something about oil. The textures and handling needs of the different pigments and mediums, and the physical feeling of manipulating all of it is something I cannot do without. My teacher who first introduced me to oil compared it as painting with melted butter against the feeling of painting with glue or toothpaste, which he felt about acrylic paint. This is a matter of opinion, but one I agree with. There are tactile sensations which only exist in oil, and the longer drying time allows for much more mixing on the palette. I would be furious if I spent time mixing a colour only for it to dry and become unusable within the hour.

The dangers involved, both to the art in terms of archival quality, and to myself in terms of poisoning or fire, make this medium into something that demands strict attention. Many of my materials can kill if I do not handle them correctly. To me, this immediate danger brings the specter of death from the shadows and defangs him, transforms an unknown terror into a banal familiar matter. These materials might harm me, but instead they help me and they are my dear familiar companions. My duty is just to honour and steward them well and help them fulfill their purpose, which is to please and entertain.

In terms of my recommendation of this medium to others, I would recommend it if you are the kind of person who can withstand slow progress and who wants to earn something hard. Beginnerhood typically lasts a long time with these materials, unless you are a particularly strong painter in other mediums already and have a good teacher. I wouldn’t know because I am the initially unskilled type. A warning for the initially skilled people reading this: there will come a time in your practice when your initial skills are no longer adequate for the task ahead. I suggest you learn how to work hard before you come to this point so it will be less devastating for you. Enjoy the simple struggles of your beginning, even if it may overall be very boring. Lose yourself within it. The milestones of the intermediate stage are much farther apart than those in the beginner’s fight.

With regards to your comment on cleanliness, first I thank you, that is very kind. I allow myself to work slowly and try to control my impulsivity. Speed will come with time and experience, I am content with a slow and measured process for now.

[kikyoupdates]

Changing Plotlines ⭑˚💞⭑ 𝑠𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑚𝑝

yandere!ocs x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, yandere reverse harem, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, isekai

A desperate cry on your deathbed leads to you being given a fresh start at life. You're overjoyed at having finally obtained a healthy body and a real chance at living normally, only to discover that you've been transported into a yandere game, where danger lurks at every corner. Determined to protect your new life at any cost, you vow to stay as far away from the major characters of the game as possible. But things don't always go as planned.

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Sergei Garin. A major supporting character in Zodin’s Benevolence, and a man unfortunate enough to have fallen in love with the protagonist, unaware of how many twisted yanderes were pining for her affection.  

The game branched off from the main storyline after the player picked enough choices that would put them on a certain yandere’s route. Needless to say, regardless of whoever’s route it was, Sergei ended up dead in some shape or form. He wasn’t always killed off by one of the yanderes, but his self-sacrificial nature, especially towards the protagonist, sealed his fate no matter what. He would either protect the protagonist until his dying breath, or be killed off by a yandere when they discovered Sergei’s romantic feelings towards her.  

Put simply, he didn’t have any good endings. Which is why seeing him here, right in front of your very eyes, was something both awe-inducing and incredibly depressing. He didn’t even know it yet, but his days were numbered.  

Is it possible to keep him from dying? So long as he doesn’t meet the protagonist, then... 

You quickly shook your head. No, you couldn’t think like that. You’d already made up your mind not to interfere with the canon events of the game. If you tried to protect Sergei, you could unwittingly place yourself in danger. As upsetting as it was, you couldn’t risk interfering.  

“Er, my lady?” Sergei frowned. “Is everything alright? Were you perhaps expecting someone else...?”  

“Not at all!” you spluttered. “I’m very happy you’re here! Sorry, I’m just really eager to start training, so I guess I must look like I’m a bit out of it. It’s nice to meet you, Sergei. I’m [Name], as you already know. Thank you for making the effort to be here on such short notice.”  

“It would have been discourteous to refuse your family’s request. Although, it was certainly a rather strange request,” he said with a knit brow.  

You laughed. “Right. Sorry. It’s probably not every day a noblewoman decides to take up sword-fighting. But I’ve always been interested in it, and what’s the harm in learning to protect myself?”  

“It’s far from traditional,” he admitted, “but I’m not one to scorn a person looking to hone their strength. If this is truly what you want to do, I will do my best to facilitate the process for you.”  

“Great! So, can I try swinging a sword now?”  

“I’d say it’s a bit early for wielding a real blade, so you can start with a wooden sword first.” He removed the bag he’d been carrying over his shoulders and pulled out two wooden swords. One of them was noticeably bigger than the other. He handed you the smallest of the two. 

You weighed the object in your hands. “It’s a bit heavier than I was expecting. Aren’t these things usually hollow on the inside?”  

“They can be. But I thought it was better for you to get used to something with a bit more weight to it, especially since a real sword is quite heavy.”  

“Pfft, I’m sure I can handle it,” you waved off, grossly overconfident for some reason.  

Sergei gave you an unimpressed look. “And what makes you so sure?”  

“Uh... I’m optimistic?”  

“I see. So, no real reason, then.”  

“Ugh.” You obviously couldn’t tell him that you’d watched countless anime and were stupidly hoping that the moves you’d seen there could be somehow applied to real life.  

Sergei took a step back and crossed his arms. “Show me how you would swing that thing. Treat it as if it is a real sword. Go on, I’m curious to see what kind of approach you’ll have.”  

“Ready to be impressed?” you grinned.  

“No, not really.”  

“Hey!”  

Sergei looked like he wanted to crack a smile, but he maintained his stern, stoic expression. He wasn’t fooling you. You already knew full well from the game that despite his serious-looking face and rather blunt mannerisms, he was a real gentleman at heart.  

“Okay... here goes nothing!”  

You inhaled sharply, gathering up all your energy, then proceeded to lunge forward and slash the wooden sword through the air, in a downwards motion.  

“Ooh, that actually felt pretty powerful!” you enthused, turning towards Sergei with a bright smile. “Well? How was it? Amazing, huh?”  

Sergei’s expression hadn’t changed. “Definitely not amazing.”  

“But pretty good, though?”  

“Definitely not good.”  

“Uh... at least sort of okay?”  

He didn’t respond, which made you nervous. What was the big deal? It was just a wooden sword, for crying out loud! And it was your first time swinging one. For a total newbie, it couldn’t have been that bad. 

“Sort of okay,” Sergei hummed, pressing his forefinger against his lips. “I suppose that’s a reasonably accurate description. Then again, it’s only a wooden sword. If you were to replicate that same motion with a real sword, your score would drop considerably.”  

“You’re scoring me?” you gaped.  

He tapped on his head, smiling faintly. “In here, yes. But I’ll be keeping your scores to myself, so as not to discourage you.”  

“That just means I suck!”  

“There’s no point in getting worked up right at the start. Come on, try swinging it again. This time, adjust your grip so that it stays higher on the hilt. It’ll be easier for you to swing it that way. And make sure to keep your torso firm. A strong foundation is what determines how hard your attack will hit.”  

“Like this?” you asked, inadvertently arching your back. 

“What? No, that’s not—ah, I’ll just show you myself,” he sighed, picking up his own sword. “Look closely now. See how I hold the sword, and what angle I’m striking at. See how my body stays perfectly straight and doesn’t wobble around the way yours does.”  

It was only a wooden sword, but you could swear you felt the air in front of you being sliced in half. His motion left a distinct whipping noise behind, fierce enough that it rang in your ears.  

Sergei looked back towards you. “Do you understand now?”  

“Totally,” you nodded. “Basically, it’s all about how big your muscles are.”  

“I see you’ve understood nothing.”  

“I was just kidding! Look, I’ll do it again.” You took up your stance, tensing up just enough that your torse was nice and stable, just like Sergei had said. With even more strength than before, you stepped forward and swung downwards. “Hyah!”  

You were hoping to have been met with enthusiastic clapping, but Sergei was merely staring at you in disbelief.  

“What was that sound you just made?”  

“A battle cry, I think.”  

“I can assure you it was not a battle cry,” he frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And a lady like you shouldn’t be making such vocalizations anyways.”  

“But I thought a battle cry drastically enhances your physical prowess.”  

“...”   

“I'm getting the impression that you might not want to be here.”  

“You’re imagining it,” Sergei coughed into his hand. “Anyways. It was... better, I suppose. But you still need a lot more work. Keep repeating that same motion with your wooden sword, and I’ll be watching you to make sure you have proper form.”  

“But that’s boring,” you whined. “I want to move on to using a real sword. A wooden sword won’t be enough to protect myself with.”  

“I understand that you’re excited, but why do you keep stressing that you’ll need to protect yourself?” he frowned. “A lady like you should never have to fear for her safety. Is there something in particular you’re worried about?”  

Yes. The crazy bastards that live in this world.  

“Not really,” you lied. “But you never know what could go wrong, right? It’s best to be prepared for even the worst-case scenario. It’s a dangerous world out there for women, you know.”  

“That’s certainly true,” Sergei nodded. “I must say, you’re quite earnest, trying to prepare yourself for situations like that. It doesn’t exactly match your personality.”  

“Hey, what’s wrong with my personality?”  

“Nothing, of course.” He bit back a chuckle. “Forgive me. I just meant that of all the noblewomen I’ve ever met, you stand out quite a bit. You don’t seem anywhere near as concerned with etiquette, and you’re even treating someone like me as your equal. Perhaps that’s why I’ve gotten comfortable voicing my opinions.”  

“Well, that’s not surprising,” you said, proudly sticking your nose into the air. “I am pretty amazing.”

“And your boundless confidence leaves nothing to be desired, that’s for sure.”  

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”  

“Yes, please do.”  

You rolled your eyes at him, though it was in a playful, well-intentioned way. Even if Sergei’s tale was a sad one, you were happy to be interacting with one of your favorite characters from the game. There were few genuinely good people in Zodin’s Benevolence, apart from the protagonist, and he was definitely one of them.  

“Just you wait,” you huffed. “I’m going to become so good at wielding a sword, I’ll surpass you in no time.”  

Although Sergei’s expression was stern, his eyes were filled with mirth.  

“I look forward to seeing it.”  

In the end, you hadn’t gotten to use a real sword even once during your training session with Sergei. It was a bit disappointing, but he was the instructor, so you had no choice but to trust in his judgment. It was probably for the best that you build up some skills and confidence first, before attempting the real deal. Plus, the plot had yet to officially begin, so you weren’t in any imminent danger.  

Your parents frantically approached you after your session was over, checking you all over for any cuts or bruises. When you told them you hadn’t even gotten to try out a proper sword yet, they exhaled loudly. Look at you, endlessly worrying your parents even in a different world. Some things never changed.  

Still, you felt confident about the way you were choosing to approach things. There was no reason to afraid so long as you never interacted with the yanderes or the protagonist. Although the initial revelation about being transported into a game had come as a massive shock, you could very well live out a happy life here, just like you’d always wanted.  

“You seem like you’re having a good time.”  

Sometime after your training had come to an end, and you were relaxing in a bubble bath, you began to hear an oddly familiar, distinctively masculine voice in your head.  

“Hello?” you jolted, glancing around. There was no one, as expected. You were all alone in the bathroom, and even your bedroom was empty since the servants had left to give you space to relax. 

No response came, so you sank deeper into the bath, knitting your brows together. Was it just your imagination? A lot of strange things had happened to you recently, so you wouldn’t be surprised if you were hearing the odd remark every now and then. But that voice... you knew you’d heard it somewhere before. It was practically on the tip of your tongue.  

“Hehe. It’s fun watching you get all worked up over nothing. Your reactions are so expressive.”  

“Um—?!” You glanced around for the second time, but there was nobody there again. The voice was definitely coming from your head, and based on what it was saying, it didn’t seem like it was just your imagination.  

You clutched your arms around your chest, though the bubbles concealed most of everything, because apparently, they could see you right now.  

“This isn’t cool,” you muttered. “Whoever you are, can you give it a rest? How are you even talking to me right now? You’re freaking me out.”  

“I’m afraid that’s a secret. You’ll find out soon enough, I’m sure.”  

Great. As if you didn’t already have enough things to worry about with yanderes dominating the major plot of this world, now you had some creepy voice that could talk to you whenever it liked. And why did it sound so familiar? 

Could it be...?  

You didn’t know for certain, since you’d literally been dying at the time, but a strange voice had called out to you back then too. That voice was the whole reason you’d been transported here in the first place. Was this that same voice? The higher power that had saved you and given you a new chance at life?  

“Are you the one that saved me when I was dying?” you asked.  

No response. Either they had no idea what you were talking about, or they really were the same being from before, and they were deliberating avoiding your question.  

“Fine, don’t respond,” you sighed, lathering bubbles and squishing them between your palms.  

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I definitely didn’t save anyone who was dying.”  

Ah, so they were still here.  

“Who are you, then?”  

“Like I said—that’s a secret.”  

“Ugh. Great. Looks like I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.” 

“I’m not here to hurt you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m just here to observe. Don’t worry about me and just focus on what you’ve been doing up until now. It’s quite amusing.”  

You weren’t sure how you felt about someone calling your life amusing, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it. At the very least, you knew whoever this was wasn’t one of the yanderes, because none of them had these kinds of strange powers. The owner of the voice had promised not to hurt you, still, you weren’t sure how much you could trust them, especially since you didn’t even know who they were.  

For the time being, you just had one simple request.

“Please don’t spy on me while I’m taking a bath from now on,” you said crossly.  

Instead of answering, the voice laughed.

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[vibratingskull]

Do you think it's wrong to use chatGPT to write? I have lot of my own ideas of all kind of stories i even have entire scene in my head but I suck at writing (and I'm also super procrastinating) also with English not being my first language. So I use chatGPT (but I don't actually post it anywhere its mostly just for myself). Is it really bad?

Yes

Yes, I do think it is wrong.

I will hold your hand saying that, but sucking at writing and English not being your first language are not valid excuses.

You'll never get better unless you write yourself. You need practice. Who gives a fuck if the first stories are "bad" (whatever that means). You already have the most important thing for writing: IDEAS.

Why spoil those ideas with plain, boring, unoriginal, stolen Ai writing when you could give it your own twist, your very special flair, your very own je-ne-sais-quoi to flavor and elevate those ideas?

You don't have that je-ne-sais-quoi to make your story unique yet? Of course: You are using Chat Gpt instead of practicing and perfecting your craft. You will not develop it unless you practice it.

I know it can seem scary to write, it's overwhelming, but no half-baked AI story will EVER come close to the sentiment of satisfaction and self-accomplishment you feel when you put the final "." to a chapter.

It's unoriginal, stolen content, nothing truly creative and satisfying can come out of it. It has no flavor, it has no soul, no intent, no spark behind it.

It's just boring.

Try writing, do it FOR YOURSELF

You deserve BETTER than flavorless AI writing, your ideas deserve better than AI, they deserve that human touch, YOUR very own touch.

I can't even start to put into words the pure pleasure I feel when I write, it's a fire, a need I have to satisfy, I NEED to write, this is such a pleasure to see your story appearing on the page and have full control of it. This is MY story, MY ideas, MY VOICE

MY

UNIQUE

UNREAPLACABLE

VOICE

You need to find yours, for your very own creative soul, for your own good. No AI can give you that.

Let's say you try and the first chapter is "disappointing" to you

WHO GIVE A FUCK?!

You already put more effort into that single chapter than all of the AI users ever put in their """"own writing""" ever and you are therefore more legitimate. Your ideas are more legitimate. They inherently have more value than whatever AI may vomit on a document ever.

Write, draw, sing, make movies, we are inherently artful creatures, and you deserve to nourish and grow that part of you, using AI will only atrophy this part of yourself until it dies.

Write, erase words, create entire paragraphs and delete them, forget a WIP for months, and feel your heart jump in joy rediscovering it one day.

This is a muscle that needs training.

The first chapters won't necessarily be good, but this is NORMAL. You are new to it. Hell, my own first chapters are TRASH, but those are MINE, they came from MY CREATIVE SOUL and were made to please and cater to me. I kept trying, I kept pushing because it is a fire burning inside of me.

Do I still think my writing is trash? Depends, someday yes, someday no, but the pleasure of creation goes beyond the final results. It supersedes anything else.

I think my writing is still not good enough but some people find it pleasant enough to decide to stick around my blog to keep reading me, so my writing has qualities and values, even if I stop posting.

Nobody wants to stick around AI writing, it's easy and flat, not even taking into account Chat gpt's limitations on touchy subjects.

I started plenty of chapters with one intent and ended up with an unexpected final text because new ideas kept coming up while writing.

Ai will just give you a boring straight line from A to B, while your own writing will make you travel all up to Z and make you discover numbers and colors and music.

You are doing a huge disservice to yourself anon, very honestly.

And for the "English isn't my first language", well it's not mine either. Want to know how I got to write in English daily? I read fanfics.

Real fanfics real people wrote. It took some time but I got there. School did not give me my English current level, fanfics did.

Find a fandom you love and read, read, read, read, and read. Use all the Google Translate and WordReference you need until you are comfortable, it gets easier with time.

Like WRITING *gasp!*

Maybe you have an idea for an INSANE AU nobody wrote for that fandom yet, maybe it deserves better than some dry robot words and a real human influence instead.

And lastly "I don't actually post it anywhere its mostly just for myself", it may be just for yourself but using AI is endangering everyone, it is a DISASTER ecologically speaking. For each idea you put in Chat gpt you can just empty 20 water bottles on the ground directly and you'll have the same creative and ecological result.

TLDR : it's stolen, unoriginal, soulless content, its an ecological disaster, and your ideas simply deserve better than that.

(And I really, REALLY hope you did not feed anyone's fics to GPT to finish them or give it ideas for """"your"""" chapters)

ALSO, WHAT I SAID STANDS FOR ART TOO.

[spotaus]

Cackling rn, Y'all are so so great <3

EHHEHEHEHE!!!! Ancha I figured you'd enjoy the tragic siblings combo here!! And, like I figured, you absolutely blew this reply out of the water, I was sitting here reading it giggling like a madman haha! I'll get into it now!

YEs! Nine being the original one that was supposed to be perfect, to be molded and shaped, I thought it aligned well with the Xtale/Underverse storyline (X-Gaster attempts to have a timeline and uses one character as his special little blorbo basically to try and make the world perfect, and Papyrus' number is IX, implying that X-Gaster tried with him first, before scrapping that timeline and going with Sans instead, hense his X! So, Making Nine the older sibling makes that make a bit more sense, and then some fudging for realistic plot goals + setting stuff lol!), but also explained a lot into why Cross is how he is, obediant and always looking for approval and having a hard time making his own choices! Okay hang on, I'm getting ahead of myself-

Yep, super hard decision, but the one he thought was best. he was young, didn't have any way to protect Ten, not really, so he did what he could to mitigate the damage. Nine was sure X-Gaster wouldn't just abandon all the work he's already put into him, that he was sunk cost fallacied into focusing on him. But then. Well. Ten wanted attention from someone so desperately that X-Gaster decided to fill that role and realized Ten was basically play-doh to mould in his hands at a whim. Changed prey!

Nine DEFINITELY had those moments. Thinking about how Ten was being dumb, blind to the truth. And absolutely the jealousy and simmering frustration. Nine had to convince himself at the start to not get attached to Ten, and that wasn't easy at all. but then Ten becomes X-Gaster's main focus. Not only does he know, then, that his time is limited if XGaster ever loses use for him, but he knows Ten will be what Nine fought so hard not to be. He knows that Ten is everything that he should've been, and wasn't. (And, yeah, he hates Ten for that for a good chunk of time, because it quickly turns into Ten's interest in Nine being the only thing keeping him alive. not another project scrapped by XGaster.)

OUGH??? Hunting him into the arms of their mutual abuser, I'm gonna sob- but yeah, no, definitely. He absolutely did that. often. (I think another note here, that comes up in his behavior later, is that Nine is able to find a support group. XTori, XUndyne, XAlphys (I'll come up w/ better names later lol-) all of these other people who were around in one way or another, people he was able to bond with like a family, who had families of their own, who taught him during, and especially *after* the coup, what a family should be. He has a chance to reflect and be vulnerable very early on. After Ten leaves, there has to be a point where he (stoic and optimistic as a front) finally breaks down and tells someone *more*. More than the basics, more than the fact that XGaster was bad. Just glimpses at first, but all the horrible things he had to do, that he did to Ten, that XGaster did to both of them. There was a reason Nine would chastize Ten when discussing with the others, but NEVER condemn him for what he'd decided to do. Was he dissappointed? Yeah, of course. Was he blaming him? No, because unlike Nine, he had no safe avenue for escape, no reference point for a different life, because Nine didn't give it to him. So, point is, SOMEONE hears, just bits of this, and is horrified. Talks through it with Nine, explains that, no, none of that was okay, and what he did *was* shitty, but makes sense. he starts to slowly work through all of this, all while Ten is already gone. And, no one suggests they go searching either. Everyone still thinks of Ten as a lost cause, despite what Nine says. because of what Nine says. So, yeah, with his support group he decides he wants to reconsile with his little brother, properly... one day.) Oh and he totally hates himself for choosing the coup over Ten, even if everyone praises him for it.

And the note about Nine being so ready to rebuild their relationship! I think this is a big old yep!! Ofc, Nine just wasn't sure how to go about it. With the chaos of helping with the aftermath and the coup and reorganizing basically a whole country, Nine didn't have time (or so he told himself) to have that discussion with Ten. So, he kinda did what made him feel at home among the coup corps. Just... left Ten with the others, asked him to be involved but didn't smother him with attention. (<- Nine, as a main focus of XGaster, appreciated the moments when he could be one of the crowd, when he wasn't helping organize or leading). This didn't help Ten, who had no direction, no one willing to talk with him. Like you said, he only grew more isolated and saw exactly how much people didn't want him there.

And for the Cross leaving bit, I've had that up in the air, so I'm really glad you put some insight into it, haha!

I love the idea of them having a talk (or multiple) talks about it! Maybe Ten did get advice from someone (Like, backhandedly. Maybe he was struggling to figure out how to help (no orders, no direction, no guidance) and when he asks someone for orders, someone says, like, "You decide what to do based on what feel's good and what doesn't. With Nine as your 'brother' you think you'd know that, purebred." Or smth snarky like that, and.) and he takes it to heart. He realizes that being around these people does NOT feel good. That trying to fit is does NOT feel good. That staying around Nine does. not. feel. good. It all hurts. not like trainings used to hurt, when Nine would beat him up in sparring, but like when he got scared when he didn't react to a command fast enough and XGaster would see. It felt like bad things were going to happen. All the time. So he tries to tell Nine, to explain how he's feeling, but Nine just doesn't get it, or insists it's and adjustment and he'll be okay, and when that doesn't work, he gets manipulative like you mentioned! Just like X-Gaster. And Ten catches it. That same sick feeling in his gut like when he used to get orders. And that's his final straw. One more talk, a week or two later to let things simmer, and it goes south again. Ten decides he's leaving. And he goes. I love the comparison you added too, where the situations are happening generational trauma style <3

(Also, sorry, almost forgot, X-Gaster is TOTALLY dead! No chances being taken over there.)

BONUS ALSO. Almost forgot, I called the kingdom Ritten. Like, a play on the word "Written" becaus of X-Gaster's 'overwrite' button! I think I'm gonna stick with that for a bit, I found it while stumbling through my Cross drabble and, tbh, you probably remembered Ancha, but I seem to always forget so maybe typing it out will help me, haha!

Ofc ofc! Night is always, in my mind, a family-driven character! He broke 10000s of years of traditions (not actual numbers lmao-) to potentionally save his twin from an unknown threat. he was ready to let his only trusted follower and his loving guardian leave if it would make him happier. he was willing to cut off a treaty with the biggest powerhouse and most stable kingdom in the known world just to protect his knight and brother. For him, he has the power and means to make rash decicions for those who are close to him. (<- This is both a character strength and flaw in my eyes. Kinda guy who would let the world burn to protect his family, if it came to that.)

Anyways! Not about him!

There were totally rumors flying around after Cross' induction ball. nine felt awful because he figured maybe his brother had settled down, found a little place for himself where no one could hurt him again. But, no, he's working for another tyrant, one in the ranks of murderers and criminals. Was that what he thought of himself? had Nine screwed up so badly that his little brother thought that was his only option? And he's definitely disappointed to not see Cross in the group that visits first. He's hesitant, and worried, but like you said, the longer Night is in power, the more Nine realizes Nightmare isn't actually bad. He's good. he's doing good things, and has something to show for it. (I think he was skeptical when they first decided to ally with him. X-Gaster had a silver-tongue, who's to say Night isn't just like him?) And he decides, for peace of mind, that yeah. maybe Cross is happy over there. and safe.

And!!!! All that Lust scene?? Yea yea yea!!!! You read my mind istg, I'm not gonna linger on it for length sake, but Lust is someone Cross feels is very down to earth. he's aware that No One he knows has really had a normal childhood, but Lust is arguably the closest. he was never a soldier, or a slave, or coerced by a church, or a doomed prince, or an isolated traveler, or a runaway. Lust was a noble kid, which made some differences, sure, but he lived among the people, and Cross needs that outlook. And Lust is so kind to him and helps him talk through it. And!!! OUGH. I love them...

And THANK YOU. I owe you my life for continuing where I left off with that interaction, because I was STRUGGLING. You came out swinging!!!

That flinch is definitely important, but!! The way Killer jumps at the opportunity to defend Cross, and give Nine a taste of his vitriol for everything he put Cross through?? OUGH!! 'This is Crossy, my fellow knight and at this point my little brother.' HELLO???? Killer making it VERY clear that Cross has a place to belong, that he's loved and cared for, and that Nine has to step it the fuck up if he wants to *earn* that title of brother back, because he has some tough competition! (And omg, yeah, the knights having their drinking nights and that's when the heartfelt stuff happens is really honestly so real and true. Only way someone could pry any admittance of actual weakness out of Cross' mouth on a normal day lol!) Oh and the Night addition!! Night watching out for him brother!! Yippeee!!!!

And Nine would totally be trying to find a way to talk with Cross. (Maybe even resulting in an awkward situation where Nine is trying *really* hard to get Cross away and. maybe. just briefly. he almost tries to guilt-trip Cross into it, the same way he used to and how X-Gaster did before him. Maybe he catches is. Maybe he doesn't. Killer tells him to buzz off back to his post or something.) and Cross is so so on point here. He wouldn't want to leave Night and Killer's sides at all. He's on high alert. All the confidence he has atp is false, and he can't help himself but to be right back in the shoes of a 16-17 y/o him, when he used a different name, and these people all looked at him like he as a traitor, some sort of dog to be taken out back and shot if he acted out. He's freaked out, and like you said! It hurts to be around Nine again! It makes him feel awful, and double awful because he's not the way Nine expected him to be. Again. like always-

Dude, do NOT be sorry, this little Dust and Cross interaction at the end?? So tasty????? Cross being open and Dust relating and being willing to share his own story! (And maybe this is after Dust reunites with Phantom, maybe Cross has gotten to see a glimmer of their relationship, strong and friendly, even if a bit strained from time. Nothing like him and Nine.) And Cross getting the lesson Dust was trying to get to him wrong at first. Dust gently pointing out to him what he meant. How they need to apologize... ough... This is going in the drawer in my brain of wholesome interactions I love dearly...

And now from the other rbs!

Myeba, I am also going Crazy over Ancha's wording there. Made to hurt eachother. It's so tragic, I'm gnawing on my own arm about it :D

And the broken glass/porcelain analogy!!!! Shaking!!! I love love love the idea of something no longer being in its original form but still being used and loved no matter what. Reparied, repurposed, etc!! (Gives me the energy of that 'to be loved is to be changed' line going around on occassion haha!)

And lastly!!! THE ROT!!!!! Gods, do you guy know how much it means to me that the siblings with The Rot subtext (thank you for that btw) are the ones that come from Ritten? The clean and perfect and spotless kingdom where it was meant to be a utopia? That X-Gaster (who I think is a germaphobe and perfectionist, which he did pass down to Nine and Cross btw) was only able to foster the nastiest, most destructive, most horrid things under his creation? That festering just below the surface everything was actively eating away at itself? At his foundations? At everything??? And it's STILL GOING???? Losing my mind!!!!! (/pos)

Thinking about Cross' reunion with his brother!!! (New Age AU lore run under the cut lmao-) ( @ancha-aus this is what I was on about a few messages ago!)

So, Ancha mentioned it a while ago, but I agree that Cross and his brother Nine should certainly get to see each other again <3 (this post might involve things I've said before but I have horrid memory soooo my apologies lol-) Note: I'm thinking Nine should be Cross' older brother! It makes sense narratively and also I've got too many older siblings in the Main cast haha-

Cross (Ten at the time) had a strained relationship with his older brother. X-Gaster was their only parent, and created them with the intention of making the perfect super soldiers, men who would obey his every command. Nine was the only one of X-Gaster's previous attempts to survive, and he was very.... maliciously compliant we'll say? Nine was a clever skeleton who would follow his creator's every command, so well that any and all loopholes would be taken advantage of whenever possible. Nine did not like X-Gaster, and he didn't like his rule, and he didn't like how the people were treated.

Of course, he had to make a hard choice when Ten was created. X-Gaster wanted to use Ten as an anchor to hold Nine back from his rebellion. If he had a little sibling to worry about, surely he would be more obedient, right? Well, no. Nine made sure X-Gaster never could use Ten against him by doing his rebellion regardless of how Ten was treated. Did it hurt? Yeah. Did he know he couldn't afford to let Ten get hurt by his connection to him? So badly. He ignored Ten for much of his life, which meant that X-Gaster gave up on using him for leverage, but was also given the chance to craft Ten exactly how he wanted without any of Nine's backlash.

Aka? Ten got manipulated by X-Gaster. Nine broke the rules, and he got punished. Ten did well? He was treated well. It turned out that Ten was his perfect soldier, and Nine was the one he could keep around to keep Ten in check.

And, Ten adored Nine. When they got older, Ten never stopped looking up to Nine, even if he thought Nine was reckless and stupid for being disobedient. He knew Nine had his reasons, and frankly? Nine showing him ANY kindness (helping him patch up wounds after training, leaving treats for him, looking at him kindly, etc.) was better than nothing and far better than X-Gaster. They had a really strange and unhealthy bond, but brotherly nonetheless.

So when they were both older, abd Nine was planning the coup, and he tried to bring Ten to his side? It hurt. It hurt both of them when Ten turned away. Ten never said a word about how it was Nine who asked him to join. He told X-Gaster someone tried, and he denied them, but nothing more. And then when the Coup was in motion and Nine had to face Ten? They both had to do what they thought was best. Ten obeyed, all he's ever known, and Nine finally broke the rules and laid all his cards on the table.

And when they won, when Ten was left without a master, when he'd fought hard against his older brother? When Ten was without direction and looked to Nine, but he couldn't follow Nine because Nine had broken all their rules... Nine was willing to watch out for Ten. There was no more threat of X-Gaster, they could finally live as siblings, but Cross had been too indoctrinated. He was too adamant during the coup. No one else could trust him, they didn't want him around, nothing. So he was honest with Nine and told him he was leaving, in passing, before simply running away.

When the opportunity to reunite arises, it's because Cross' original kingdom wants to be allies. It's been years, Nightmare is hardly 18 or so, and he's been slowly working to bring people together. When the kingdom reaches out, they also ask about Ten, because it's not exactly a secret as to where he eventually ended up. They want to reconnect.

Night is cautious. Cross assures him Nine wouldn't support leaders who weren't doing their best, so an allyship would make sense. Night is more worried for Cross' wellbeing and the threat it might pose to him (physically or emotionally) to face those in his old kingdom. So, they agree that Nightmare would visit with Killer and Dust as his initial party. Cross would stay back with Horror (and Blue + Dream as added back-up as Knights) at the kingdom.

Only after several visits of Night's (and discussing it very heavily with Lust, the other Knights, Night, etc) does he decide he'll go in person. By then he's the only Royal Knight who hasn't gone with Nightmare, and they decide he'll go alongside Killer (Killer could be trusted to keep an eye on both Cross and Night, and as the first Knight it's kinda like a dibs situation to be able to look out for Cross).

And like. I haven't quite fleshed out Nine's personality yet... but I do believe that the moment he meets Nightmare and his men (because Nine became head of the guard in Cross' absence) he's unable to help himself from greeting Cross with a "Ten!" And I think Cross would recoil because, reading his old name is one thing, hearing it said is another. And he's really not sure how to respond.

(This is going to keep sitting in my drafts if I don't post it now, but basically this is just a quick look at my thought process so far for Cross + his Brother lol-)

[novelconcepts]

more and more it's feeling like we just...don't have room for people trying anymore. it's all or nothing; get it right the first time, or be crucified by a jury you can never fully see or convince. and this isn't new, isn't born of current events. it's become more and more prevalent over the last ten years thanks to social media putting every little thought on blast, but i'd put money on the idea that it's actually been brewing much longer than that. and, for me, it goes beyond being tiring or upsetting. it feels bleak. it feels downright fucking broken that we're all so busy trying not to condone anything remotely problematic that we don't leave room for good faith learning. watching people trying to suss out their own identity--something literally ONLY they can fully understand or explain--be vilified for trying to fit words around their own experience sucks. watching people misunderstand something and try to apologize for it later, only to be told they should have known all along, sucks. seeing people who once held truly toxic beliefs actually grow and learn and apologize and still be told to fuck themselves as if they're a lost cause--it sucks. just. does that not fill you with despair for the state of things? does that not break something in you, to think that if you one day don't understand something, or misuse a word, or grapple with complicated feelings, it will forever stain you in the eyes of perfect strangers?

dude the world is fucked, and we all see it, but like. it doesn't feel like it helps to be so goddamn reactive. it doesn't feel like it helps anyone to demand perfection out the gate. it's exhausting. there are enough people out there who don't want to learn, who aren't trying, who actively revel in cruelty. looking for malice in every little fuck-up from people who seem to be genuinely striving to live their lives with kindness strikes me as lending strength to an army that already glories in suffering. and makes the world look more fucked than ever. and i really don't know that that energy is what we need when there's already so much to set right.

maybe it's just me. maybe this last decade just shattered something in me. but i really, really hate the idea--reject the idea, frankly--that people can't learn and change and grow. that people can't be better than a bad day or a failure of understanding. i reject the idea that people are something to be thrown out because they fucked up. it just seems...yeah. bleak. really fuckin' bleak.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

comparing yourself to others will kill you and the reason why is that even if it starts out innocently enough, as appreciation, as "oh, that's so good, that's so much better than me, i could never!" the "i could never" starts to stick and eventually you'll realize that the reason you could never isn't because you're not able to, but because you've told yourself for so long that "you could never" that you straight up aren't letting yourself improve.

appreciate others. learn from them. but never think "i could never." give yourself permission to make your art and put everything, and i mean everything, you have into it. you can. you will. just let yourself.

[agenderarkham]

What if I exploded rn. I think it’d be good for me personally

[mpregwizard]

you absolutely can get addicted to things other than drugs because somehow out of the two things i was doing two weeks ago the one i cant stop thinking about and have to keep myself from doing at all hours of the day is not the edibles but watching yuri on ice

[adelheidvonschicksal]

The Love and Deepspace Boys Trying to Get You to Sleep ⋆｡°✩

Tags: Fluff, teasing, needy boys, mild sexual content, gender neutral reader (I had to re-write so please let me know if I messed up.)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Xavier is surprisingly softer than you expected when you first met him on your mission together. He’s an incredibly powerful hunter but possesses a quiet and gentle, almost oblivious, aura when navigating everyday life, like a ghost floating through the space he takes up. It should also be understood that this very nature of his makes him affectionate, so much so, that he won’t unwrap his arms around your waist and stop pressing his head to your shoulder as you sit at the kitchen bar, typing on your laptop.

“Are you planning on staying up later than the stars?” he mumbles.

There’s a gentle yawn against your skin from the sluggish man, highlighting just how long he’s been trying to coax you into going to bed.

“I wanted to finish this report for work.”

“The report will be there tomorrow,” he says. You swat away his hand that reaches for the power button on the laptop causing him to pout. He grumbles. “You should go to bed. Otherwise, I can’t sleep.”

Smiling to yourself, you decide to tease him. “Oh, so you’re really trying to get me to go to bed for your own benefit?”

“Well, you can’t very well expect me to do it by myself anymore.” Xavier nuzzles his head into the slope of your neck, cuddling you. “It’s your responsibility since you ruined my sleeping habits.”

“Ruined?”

“Ramshackled,” he repeats quietly, causing you to giggle. With an airy sigh, he presses his weight into you more. “How do you expect me to sleep when I can’t hold you?”

Defeated, you save your work and close the laptop. You swivel in your chair, enough to meet his eye, and cup a hand to his cheek. It never stops being endearing to you how he cutely closes his eyes and angles his head to snuggle your palm.

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to beg.”

His eyes flutter open, and the smile on his face grows as he wraps his fingers around yours. Carefully, he pulls on your hand to bring it up enough to begin to lace your wrist with affectionate kisses, tracing your pulse.

“I thought you enjoyed my begging.”

“That’s different.”

“It isn’t,” Xavier mutters into your skin, pressing another light kiss.

“It is.”

“So, you're resolute about that position?” he questions “innocently”. There’s something mischievous about the glint in those arctic eyes, which makes your face warm. You find yourself breaking eye contact, or else you’d lose it.

“Yes.”

Xavier chuckles then begins to lead his kisses down your arm. “In that case, care to explain the difference in detail, love?”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

“Sleep.”

“But—”

“Sleep.”

Zayne narrows his eyes at you from his side of the bed. You can’t blame him for being a little annoyed right now but the movie you put on to fall asleep was much better than you expected; and instead of falling asleep, you were more awake than ever at a very late one in the morning.

“I’m almost done with the movie,” you tell him, hoping he’ll cut you a little slack this one time.

“Everyone dies at the end of their own stupidity,” he bluntly states and grabs the remote. The television turns off with an overly loud click, and you pout. “Now, sleep.”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you huff. “You’re the worst.”

“I’m fine with that title if it gets you to rest,” he explains with a smooth yawn. “Poor sleep habits lead to bad decision-making later. You’re more likely to develop high blood pressure, and with your heart in particular—”

“I get it. I get it,” you say, wanting to be spared the lecture. Zayne is a good person and a better doctor, but you wish he didn’t worry about you so much just because you might have a little big heart problem. Sighing, you squiggle onto your back and pull the sheets up to your collar, kicking them a little childishly in the process (totally not to let him know that you were not pleased with his spoiling). “I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

“Very.”

Zayne turns over onto his side, away from you, and you frown at the loneliness. Softly, you poke him in the back, once, then twice then a third time before you finally get a hum in response.

“Am I really not getting a good night kiss?”

“Do you need one to sleep?” he asks, his voice deeper from the lack of sleep, urging you to convince him to kiss you even more.

“Duh,” you explain. Slowly, he turns back over to look at you, propping himself up on one arm with a look that says “Is that so” as you continue to ramble. It makes you a little flustered when he watches you so intently. He’s always had this silent dominance that makes you obedient, but you could get what you want from him just as easily with the exact opposite strategy. Cutely, you puff your bottom lip out at him. “There has to be some health benefit to it. Kissing makes people all happy. Happy is good, right?”

It takes a second for him to take in what you say, those smokey eyes closing in on you with thought before he climbs over you. He places both hands at your sides and quickly boxes in your upper thighs with his knees.

“You’re thinking of dopamine,” he says.

“Huh?”

“That makes you “all happy”,” he explains and presses a deep kiss to your lips, leaving you thoughtless and breathless all at once. He moves to your jaw, and you begin to squirm from the pressure of his impassioned lips.

“And Serotonin.”

Another kiss, lower.

“Oxytocin.”

He’s at your shoulder when he starts to nip your skin, and one of his hands moves to ski up the back of your thigh.

“Reduced cortisol.”

Flustered, you grip his arms.

“Zayne, stop, it tickles,” you whine, but it’s the last thing you actually want as he readjusts his position and hovers above you.

His usually neat hair is messier and his breathing a little heavier judging by how his chest laboriously rises and falls. Groaning, you bite your bottom lip as he knowingly leans in and whispers,

“You need it to help you sleep, isn’t that what you said?”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

“Why don’t you just say you don’t love me anymore?”

You look up from your phone screen at the sudden accusation. You’re resting on the couch, your back propped up by the armrest and legs splayed out on the other cushion while Rafayel looks down at you with crossed arms and a less-than-pleased scowl on his face. You’re entirely confused as to what you could’ve done to make him think something like that.

“Huh?”

“You’ve been playing video games for what—the last two hours?” he says, uncrossing his arms to grab your phone. It’s too late to warn him as he glances at the screen, clicking a few times. “What are you playing anyway? An…otome? Sheesh, go ahead and say you want me gone. Come on, tell me you actually hate me.”

Holding in your smile, you shake your head and affectionately roll your eyes. It takes an enormous amount of effort to not laugh as he continues to rant. “So, it’s one of those things. I thought I was actually in trouble.”

And by those things, you mean his dramatics.

“Hush, my complaints are perfectly legitimate,” he demands as he pushes your legs aside and sits on the couch. Leaning over, he flashes the screen at you to show the evidence he has that you’re completely unfair, unfaithful, and downright mean. “What’s this game giving you that I’m not? Are my dashing good looks and even better personality not enough? Is that it?”

Gently, you take the phone from his hand and set it down on the end table. “You’re plenty, perfect even.”

He scoffs and refuses to look at you. “Apparently not. Don’t you ever think about anyone else? What if I want to cuddle with you one day but you’re too busy to notice because you’re playing silly games?”

Ah, there it is. His real want. You never know why he can never just come out and say it.

“Rafayel, do you want me to come to bed and cuddle with you?”

“Want is a strong word,” he remarks but you can see his resolve (can you call it that when he planned to give in all along?) crumbling as he slowly turns back to meet your gaze, “but I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Not that you deserve it or care.”

Humming, you sit up, wrap your arms around his shoulders, and pull him down onto you. Lovingly, you snuggle him, stopping to only take in how red his neck and ears start to get when you squeeze him and start to stroke through his hair. You’re not sure if Lumerians can blow happy bubbles like he claims, but he definitely hums and relaxes his entire body weight to lay on top of you like he wants to sink into your skin.

Teasingly, you coo at him. “You’re so needy.”

“I’d rather say you humans aren’t needy enough,” he fires back as he wraps an arm around your waist and kisses the corner of your lips. “Ah, the sweet taste of victory.”

Giving out a gentle and short laugh, you lightly tap his back. “Go to sleep.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

[retrosabers]

𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

FICMAS DAY 3: GIFT-GIVING

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: as bucky’s secret santa, you’re determined to give him the best christmas present he’s ever received.

contains: grumpy buck fluff, some angst, idiots who are crushing hard, swearing

word count: 2.4k

a/n: this is a long one i’m apologizing in advance

i am SO SORRY for crickets in the ficmas department the past week, i hit a big brick wall with this and i’ve been so all over the place with my own holiday planning and such that i ended up having to cut the masterlist in half because i knew i couldn’t get it all done. i’m very sorry to anyone who was looking forward to what got scrapped, but i couldn’t bring myself to rush through writing and put out something i don’t believe it my best work.

also, do people even want avengers fix it fics anymore?? i debated between the “everything is fine the team lives at the compound together” vibe and setting this post tfatws, but ultimately decided the former was easier to write. and i think it worked in my favor because this turned out really cute :)

!! divider by @strangergraphics !!

FICMAS MASTERLIST

your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest.

who’s idea was this again? wanda? tony? steve? it didn’t matter anymore. all that mattered right now was that you didn’t pass out in the elevator. a feat that was becoming more and more difficult the closer you got to your destination.

a secret santa is supposed to bring you joy, not near paralyzing anxiety.

at first, you were 100% on board with participating in a gift exchange. as much as you wanted to shower all of your teammates with presents galore, not everyone shared the same sentiment, and thus the idea of a secret santa was proposed.

excitement courses through your veins as you reach your hand into the cheap santa hat tony grabbed from god knows where in storage, with little pieces of paper containing the names of your fellow avengers. you decided to wait until you were back in the privacy of your room to open it up, afraid of any wandering eyes taking a peak. the last thing you wanted was the element of surprise to be stripped away. it was half the fun after all.

as sam pulls the last name, you quietly excuse yourself and all but rush upstairs, too eager to get in the holiday spirit and brainstorm. as soon as the door shuts behind you, you hurriedly reveal the contents of the paper.

if it’s natasha, i can get her a pair of ballet slippers. she’s been mentioning how she wants to start dancing again.

what about bruce? maybe a journal for all his ideas? he always seems to be losing sticky notes in the lab.

a million different ideas swirl around in your head, reminding you just how much joy this time of year brings. to you, there was nothing better than seeing the gleeful looks on people’s faces when they opened their gifts. the corners of your mouth turn up at the memory of your first christmas with the team. how shy and reluctant you were, afraid of going overboard. now, a few years later, you’re completely unabashed in showing just how much you care about them.

your bright smile morphs into a deep frown as you unfold the paper.

bucky barnes.

quite possibly the most difficult person you could’ve chosen.

to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with bucky. he may be a bit grumpy and standoffish, but it’s with good reason and you know it. that also doesn’t change the fact that he’s going to be impossible to try and shop for.

what do you get for the man who seemingly despises anything the modern world has to offer? the same man who you’re 99% sure hates your guts. come to think of it, how did you even pull him? he most definitely wasn’t downstairs 20 minutes ago when everyone scribbled down their names and tossed them in tony’s direction.

it was irrelevant now. you were stuck being his secret santa, and you’d be damned if you didn’t give james buchanan barnes the best christmas gift he’s ever gotten in his century-long lifetime.

the two weeks it took to come up with an idea sure felt like a century. if it wasn’t for the concerning amount of snooping you did, you’d probably be showing up empty handed. thankfully, at almost 1 in the morning on a random tuesday, a lightbulb went off in your brain. you scrambled bright and early the next day to go shopping, and by some lucky form of divine intervention, you acquired the perfect gift.

flash forward to now, and you’re carrying an insanely large box up to bucky’s room. in a blatant stray from what the rest of the team was doing, you decided to give him his present one on one, secluded from everyone else. partly because you were afraid of public embarrassment if he hated it, and partly because you knew bucky wasn’t very fond of being put on display.

you hope he’ll at least be grateful for that.

when the elevator finally chimes, signaling you’ve arrived at the dormitory floor, the box nearly slips from your grasp. not just from how heavy it was, but from the nervous sweat coating your palms.

the hallway is quiet enough to hear a pin drop, save for the faint sound of christmas music playing over the speakers. with careful, calculated steps, you make your way down the length of the corridor, dragging your feet the closer you get to bucky’s room. there’s a small part of you that hopes he’s downstairs in the gym, the kitchen, the backyard, anywhere but here. dropping and dashing wasn’t what you had in mind, but the anxious thumping of your heart was becoming unbearable. you know it will only amplify tenfold if you’re forced to stare into those steel blue eyes of his. the thought alone sends a chill down your spine.

you freeze in place when you hear the sound of a door knob clicking open.

please be wanda’s room, please be wanda’s room.

in front of you, the very last door on the left creaks open, revealing the tall and brooding super soldier whose company you were aiming to avoid.

it’s easy to forget how handsome bucky barnes is when he normally does nothing but grimace in your direction.

you still weren’t used to his new haircut, but it was clear he felt significantly more confident with it. is that a hint of aftershave, or cologne? whatever it was, the scent fit him perfectly; cedarwood with a hint of spice. the green henley he wears fits snugly against his broad frame, emphasizing all the muscles you’ve been caught staring at on more than one occasion. for once, he’s not wearing a scowl, though that changes when he catches sight of you.

surely you must look strange, standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hall with a box covered in santa-printed wrapping paper and a big bow that you can barely hold. right now the floor opening up and swallowing you whole was at the top of your wish list. and st. nick better make it quick.

bucky’s expression shifts from one of disdain to curiosity as he quirks a brow wordlessly. your own knit together in frustration, knowing you now had no choice but to do this exchange face to face.

“need any help?” he questions monotonously. as much as you want to be prideful and reject it, your arms feel like they’re going to fall off any second. he seems to catch your drift despite a verbal response, because in the blink of an eye he’s striding towards you, sweeping the gift from your arms and into his own with ease. you try not to gape at the way his biceps strain against fabric.

you stutter out a “thanks,” as you straighten out your sweater. bucky grunts in return and eyes the package in his hands cautiously. you’re half expecting him to shake it like a child when you catch the tiniest twitch of his upper lip.

it’s the closest thing to a smile he’s ever shown in your presence. something that gives you the courage to actually form a sentence instead of continuing to gawk at him.

here goes nothing.

“this is for you, actually,” you manage to shakily breathe out. bucky halts his observations, a glimmer of surprise briefly dancing across his face.

a beat of silence passes between you. “don’t remember asking for anything," he finally says. it’s still laced with his typical dry sarcasm, but there’s a legitimate amusement in his tone that can’t be missed.

you narrow your eyes at him playfully, feeling a little bit more at ease now that he didn’t completely rebuff you.

“i’m your secret santa, smartass,” you jab with your hands on your hips.

for the first time ever, bucky smirks at you.

“don’t recall asking for that either.”

you throw your hands up in defense, offering him a surprisingly nonchalant shrug. “don’t blame me, i’m pretty sure steve was the one who put your name in.”

“punk,” the man grumbles. he shakes his head, attention turning back to the present in hand once more.

despite his apparent annoyance, you can’t seem to stop yourself from continuing on.

“i know you’re supposed to do this kind of thing with everyone around,” you start off shaky, afraid of upsetting him any more than you may already have. his gaze immediately falls to you upon hearing your voice.

“i also know you’re not a big fan of being the center of attention,” you continue, shoving your hands into the pockets of your jeans. “figured you’d like this better if it was in private.”

bucky’s features soften. his jaw unclenched, his eyes not so narrow and judgmental. he looks relieved, flattered; a myriad of things you can’t name or place.

“i appreciate that,” he admits, suddenly shy and impish. for a second, he completely forgets about the gift you brought. the simple fact that you were kind enough to consider his feelings, despite how cold he could be to you, makes his heart skip a beat.

you simply nod your head in reply, teetering back and forth on your feet awkwardly trying to decipher your next move.

“you don’t have to open that right now you know.”

he sets the box down on the floor next to his door. “kinda defeats the purpose don’t you think?”

you shrug. “whatever you’re comfortable with. doesn’t matter what you’re “supposed to do.””

why did you care so much about his comfort level? he hardly showed any concern for yours. the notion consumes his thoughts, prohibiting him from offering anything except a nod of acknowledgement.

that awkward silence comes once again, signaling maybe you’ve overstayed your welcome, or that the moment of peace is over. you check your watch in hopes that father time was ending this exchange for you.

just your luck, he’s right on schedule.

“i uh, better get downstairs,” you announce, pointing your thumb in the direction of the elevator. “don’t wanna miss thor forcing everyone to do christmas karaoke.”

a noise akin to laughter snorts out of bucky’s nose, evoking a delightful warmth in your chest. it was different than all the other times you’ve been flustered in the presence of the super soldier. this was less about intimidation and more about…camaraderie. now wondering if maybe he doesn’t hate you as much as you thought.

it’s exactly what you need to reignite your holiday cheer and shed any remaining worries.

before you can second guess, you turn on your heels, closing the gap between your bodies. wrapping a hand around his arm, his metal arm, and offering a gentle caress, the sincerity in your words is clear as day.

“merry christmas buck.”

your touch burns straight through vibranium all the way to his chest. across his entire body, igniting every cell ablaze. a fire consuming him in ways unimaginable.

and yet. he enjoyed the burn.

as you pull away, much to his dismay, the tips of his fingers brush against the inside of your wrist. goosebumps errupt on your skin, from the cool metal, or that fact that bucky was so pretty this close, only time would tell.

“you too,” he murmurs with a faint grin. the soft crinkles by his eyes are likely going to be the subject of your daydreams for the next week.

you flash him a smile over your shoulder before turning down the hall and averting his gaze, not wanting him to see just how much you were blushing.

while unbeknownst to you, bucky was now a very bright shade of red.

he waits until he can hear the elevator doors close before slipping back into his room and very carefully unwrapping the box. there’s a nervousness in his stomach that’s unfamiliar, but not unpleasant. as the bare brown packaging becomes exposed, he begins ripping back the numerous layers of packing tape. you really took your time on this, he thinks to himself.

that funny feeling only amplifies when he sees the contents of the box.

a record player, a very expensive looking one at that, sits inside with another three wrapped items that he concludes are vinyls, judging from their flatness. on top of it all, there was a small note shrouded in luxe stationary. bucky’s heart stutters when he sees his name scribbled delicately in your handwriting.

his fingers falter briefly before he digs into the envelope.

i know this isn’t like the ones from the 40s, but it’s the closest thing i could find. also got a few of your favorite records, and one i think you’ll like too. don’t forget i have quite a collection of my own in case you ever want to try something new.

merry christmas ♡

bucky unceremoniously plops down on the edge of his bed. the normally stiff feeling mattress now mirrored a sea of clouds and feathers. he’d gladly sink into the abyss of softness, if it meant pumping the brakes on his thundering heartbeat.

from the moment he met you, bucky knew he was in trouble.

you had an aura about you that was magnetic, always drawing people in and bathing them in your light. your unconditional kindness and consideration, hell, even your mere presence in a room seemed to liven it up entirely. it was a hypnotizing, almost dangerous thing for the man, and if there was one thing he knew how to do, it was to push people away. for their sake, and his. bucky was certain that once he started keeping his distance, that you’d eventually give up in trying to crack his tough outer shell, or that the silly feelings he had would disappear.

but right now, as he’s staring at your handwriting and rubbing his thumb repeatedly over that little heart, he knows it was all in vain.

later that night, he stares up at the ceiling, listening to the familiar croon of it’s been a long, long time wafting from his present. he tries to focus on the beauty of the song, or the lights he can see from his window twinkling out on the lawn, but it’s nearly impossible. you’re the subject of all his thoughts. have been since the moment he saw you standing out in the hall. from the scent of your perfume to the little intricacies of your penmanship. the thing that’s plaguing him the most, however, is your hand on his arm.

bucky’s real arm had been gone for over half a century, having stopped experiencing phantom limb syndrome ages ago. yet somehow he felt it there, clear as day. the same tactile sensations on his flesh, right arm, in the metal prosthetic of his left. an electric shock that he’s never recognized before, and that he wouldn’t be opposed to feeling again.

tomorrow, he plans to thank steve for mischievously adding his name into the lottery.

and to ask you about your record collection.

thanks for reading! <3

tag list: @alastor-simp @j4desblurbs @pandapetals

!! if you would like to be tagged in the rest of the ficmas blurbs, please send me an inbox message or leave a comment !!

[not-rigel]

Can't do it better

posted on AO3 but im also going to post it here. first sevika fic aaa.

warnings: top sevika, teasing, strapping, riding, multiple orgasms, mean sevika, aftercare, soft sevika, porn what plot, F!reader

Sevika's fingers trailed down your spine, sending a shiver through your body. She was still in that teasing stage of sex, where half her strap was inside you. She was just waiting for the right moment to push the rest of herself inside. You tremble because you know that she knows you love the teasing.

She thrusts with half the length, deciding to drag out the teasing even more. You groan against the pillow your face is pressed into. She echoes your groan, but there is a mocking tone to it. She grabs your hips, pulling your ass higher which pulls you a little further on her strap.

The extra inch of her dick brushing inside you makes you lose control for just a moment but that's all that it takes. You push your hips back to take more of her. Her hands stop your hips after you get another inch inside of you.

She lets out a disappointed sigh, "Oh no, baby.. Do you think you can fuck yourself better than I can?"

You gasp, having been caught and in deep shit.

"I'm sorry. Sevika-"

You're cut off when she hooks her left arm under your torso and pulls you up so you're on your knees with her still inside of you. She repositions herself, remaining kneeled but her thighs are on either side of yours. She pulls your hips down then her arms move back to support her weight from behind.

"Go on, baby," She coos.

"What?"

"Fuck youself on my dick."

You push your hips back, a moan coming from you almost immediately. You just cannot dig yourself out of the hole you created.

"You gotta keep going, baby." Sevika is being evil, speaking that tone. The one that is equally demeaning and sweet.

You grind your hips, trying to find momentum but each time you shift yourself down on her dick you shudder and pause. She always feels so good inside of you. But you know there is something missing.

"Sevika," you whine, "Please. I can't fuck myself like you fuck me."

She flat out ignores the plea and the confession. "Faster."

Pathetic little noises leave you as you obey her order and begin to thrust your hips properly back onto her strap. You moan again and try to push yourself all the way down her length but you end up short.

"If you wanted me that deep, you should’ve let me fuck you," she growls. If her tone is any indication, she is losing her own control.

"Please please, Sevika. It's not enough. I need you."

But again, she ignores your begging. She must not understand. Having her inside you was getting you so close but all you really needed was to be hers. You needed to be taken.

"I can't cum without you claiming me," you admit. You think your confession is pathetic. Sevika thinks it's the hottest, sweetest thing in the world. You swear you can feel her shudder through the strap.

Without warning, she pulls out. She turns you over, pushing you into the mattress on your back. She takes her usual place between your thighs. She grabs her strap and slides it through your folds, teasing but not entering. She is watching the display while you are watching her. She is in complete awe. She pauses her teasing, biting her cheek to hold in a groan then leans over to grab something from the bedside drawer. The one with several toys and accessories you keep closeby.

You hear shuffling and one item is set on the dresser. She returns to her position before you can question it. She ducks down for a kiss, giving you a little bit of sweet affection before claiming you. The both of you moan into each other's mouths, enjoying the passion preceding your pleasure.

Sevika is the one to pull away. She has to see your face when she enters you. You're so wet it only takes some repositioning of her hips for her to slide inside. Half the length slips right in before Sevika can resist the suction of your pussy.

"Oh," both of you moan. Sevika is set on completing her earlier mission, making you wait to take her full length. And there is no way you'll ruin it now. You clenched around her as she forced you to be patient. Sevika pushed herself to the hilt in after a short wait, not able to resist all the ways she wants to make you lose your mind. 

"Sevika!" your shout echoes off the walls and your arm reaches up to grab onto her. Your fingers end up digging into her shoulder. You wait for her to begin moving but she doesn't so you whine at her. Pouting is not the most effective tactic on Sevika but you're so horny you can't think to do anything else.

"I just have to take a moment," her voice is as teasing as it gets. You look up at her to pout more but what you see is her using one hand to tighten the straps on her harness, pulling it tighter on her hips. Before you can even react, she begins thrusting.

She fucks with a power that is so special to her. She isn't going full force, starting at a comfortable pace but there is desire and carnality behind her thrusts. Each push and pull of her hips is so deliberate and precise. Thrusts meant to make you contort for her. Her pace doesn't slow or quicken, but she does reposition your legs whenever you get close to cramping.

The steady stimulation works you up, the notes of an orgasm beginning in your abdomen. "Sev.." you don't finish moaning her name when her lips find yours. There's only one word for it, possessive. Her teeth nip your lips between harsh kisses.

"That's right," she huffs between kisses. The snapping of her hips increases in speed. She reattaches your lips. The new stimulation adds harmony to the impending orgasm. With a couple more thrusts, you're cumming for her. Your orgasm drowns over any other noise, playing its own tune through your body. Sevika hears you reacting beneath her but she doesn't relent.

"Sev! I'm cumming!" You groaned into her mouth.

"Your legs aren't shaking. So I don't care."  Her hips continue their pace through your orgasm and don't stop after you're done. She pauses for a moment and you think you've been spared then she pushes up and hooks your ankles over her shoulder.

She resumes her thrusting but now it's messy, uncoordinated, quick thrusts. She needs this. And evidently so do you because less than a minute later you're cumming again, tears leaking from your eyes, legs shaking.

It's a sight for Sevika, really. Your pussy convulses and cream coats her strap. Your skin is hot, your eyes are rolled back, eyelids fluttering. Your breasts bouncing as she fucks you. She is sure if she looked behind her, your toes would be curled. Pressing a kiss to your calf, she orgasms with you, her's lasting noticeably shorter.

"There you go. Now you're really cumming." She says as she watches you come down from your high. With a warning she pulls out then presses another kiss to your calf before exiting the position. She moves to stand on the side of the bed, loosening her harness and slipping it off. Next, she is bending down to grab your face in both hands and kiss you. There are three words you would use to describe this kiss; caring, passionate, possessive. She is the one to pull away. She has a task she needs to complete.

"Want a massage, baby?" She purrs.

"Hmm?"

She picks up the item she retrieved from the dresser earlier, which you completely forgot about. It was a massage oil, purchased a couple months back. The massage oil was really only ever used for aftercare. Not only that, but it was only ever used if Sevika really needed the aftercare. So of course, you accept the offer.

Sevika had explained it to you before. That she needs to take care of you after sex because she has to reassure herself that you know she cares. It's a bit hard for her to believe you trust she cares about you more than anything especially when you get into intense scenes. 

"I knew I was going to be rough, hence me getting out the bottle beforehand, but…,” she pauses and shakes her head, “I said 'I don't care' to you during that. It's getting to my head a bit," she admits.

She moves to your left thigh and drops some of the oil onto your skin, then rubs it in with her flesh hand. Her way of avoiding eye contact. She hates having to be vulnerable and having someone look her in the eye at the same time. So you compromise. 

"Sev, you know me so well. You know exactly what to do to make me cum as hard as possible. And you know exactly what to say. You did everything you knew to do to give me that best orgasm. And you did. I'd say that's really caring." Your words do reassure her, as they always do.

"Thanks. You're... perfect." She sighs. She feels much better but still wants to take care of her girl, "Whatever you want, baby, let me know. I really want to take care of you tonight."

"You already are, Sev." 

[ribbonprincess]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

"Do a lil twirl for me,yeah...your ass looks so good baby." Rafe chuckles,fixing his pants as they tightened around his crotch,the sight of you in a tiny white mini skirt the reason.

"You like it rafey? I bought It thinking of you" "yeah,no shit- you used my credit card" he chuckles. Moving from his spot on the bed,he walks over you,laying his hands on your hips as he squishes the skin. "You should wear it today while I go golfing,you can look pretty in the cart and if you're good enough daddy will buy you a drink."

He smiles before tilting his head down to press his lips against yours as you whine almost immediately,slapping his chest "my lipgloss! you just smeared it all over,daddy." Turning around to face the mirror as you try to deescalate the situation of your almost ruined makeup,dabbing at the area around your lips with a beauty blender.

"Yeah yeah,'s just lip gloss,it's nothing serious." Gasping dramatically you turn around,hand on your chest as if you've been shot as you point a finger at his chest "'s not just lipgloss.."

Chuckling to himself Rafe presses a kiss against your shoulder "I'm sorry cupcake, daddy's being mean yeah?" Nodding as you run your manicured fingers over his jawline,pressing your chest against his,making your tits more visible as you smile softly- a tragic contrast to your action.

꒦꒷︶°꒷︶°︶₊˚ʚɞ˚₊︶°︶꒦˚︶꒷꒦

As you sit prettily in the golf cart,sipping at your drink while watching rafe play with his friends,you can't help but feel lonely,so you decide to approach as he stands a few feet behind the others. "rayray?"

Turning around almost immediately Rafe's expression softens a bit before turning hard. "What are you doing here,told you to sit in the cart" "Yeah... I know,but I missed you" Emphasizing your words you run a hand over his chest,playing with the button of his slacks.

"Missed me huh?" Looking over his shoulder he shouts a quick "Little lady is feeling sick!" Before dragging you over the Golf cart and driving over a more secluded area of the field,covered by trees and bushes.

"Since you've been missing me sooo much,might as well show it. C'mon get on your knees" Taking one last look around you move to your knees on the moist grass,quickly unbuckling his belt as you pull down his pants and boxer just as much needed. Wrapping a hand around the base of his shaft you kiss the vein that runs on the underside of it, resulting in a harsh tug of your hair. "Don't fucking tease me."

Wrapping your lips around his tip before slowly moving down,twisting your hand around what you couldn't fit "Deeper...I've trained you better than this,kid" Rafe mumble from above you,shoving your head down until you gag harshly,tears already pooling at your lash line. "Yeah,there you go...nice and warm for me." Looking up through your clamped wispy lashes you start to move your head again,twirling your tongue around his length like a popsicle as Rafe groans from above you "Got myself the best girl,right? Sucking my dick like this where everyone can pass by"

Nodding as best as you can,you pull off him with a loud "pop". "Wanna make you feel good,daddy." Smiling to himself, Rafe wipes at your saliva coated lower lip before bringing your mouth back on him with a satisfied moan,brushing some strand of hair that have fallen over your face away. "Fuck,keep doing that and I'm gonna cum. You want daddy to cum in your mouth? Yeah,you do."

Meeting you midway as he thrust into your mouth,giving you no time to react or even understand. "shit- 'm cumming" As his rhythm gets sloppier,you suck around his tip holding onto his thigh as you feel a milky substance flood your mouth. Breathing loudly he pulls you away from him as he smirks "Show me your tongue,angel" showcasing your tongue with a proud smile you look up at him in search of praise. "good girl,what do we say now?" "thank you daddy!"