#but I had this thought of how I'm so scared of my memory declining

[isitthemoon]

"So if my love is not enough

And I forget it all instead

Say that you'll try to keep it in your mind

So it never breaks, so it never fades

Write it in the stars, write it in your heart

Forever mine, forever yours

So no matter what goes, promise me so:

Please, remember, please, don't let me go"

- a small piece/poem about my fear of forgetting.

[pixiesfz]

would you write for alexia putellas?

okay I always find it hard to write for Alexia but I finally thought of a good plot

inspired by Olivia Rodrigo's unaired song

prison for life a.p

plot: you've always been independent in life but when Alexia walks in you cant help but want her to protect you.

warning: idk

You sat in front of an interviewer in front of the goal posts as he asked questions about your new signing to Barcelona FC.

"So what caused the change from United to here?" he asked and you smiled "Change of scenery I think, there is nothing wrong with the club and I cherish every memory I have there" The interviewer nodded his head "So you don't feel for the comments saying you are moving just to get wins under your belt?" he asked slowly, almost as if he was scared to ask the question.

Your eyes slightly squinted at him but you leaned back as you remembered it is only his job "I'm a big girl" you smirked "I'm not going to listen to comments left on my Instagram because they're not the ones controlling my movements, I am" you said with a nod.

The interviewer smiled, impressed with your answer as the camera stopped rolling "You're very good with the media" he complimented you as he packed up his set "thanks" you smiled before returning to practice.

As you reached the other side of the pitch Keira turned to you "any personalized questions?" she asked and you shrugged "talked a little bit about the rumors of why I moved but that's all" Keira nodded "I will say in this team you get asked more personal questions so I'm here if you need" she suggested and you nodded "I'll be fine" you reassured her "yeah?" she asked "I'm good at protecting myself".

You had moved to Barcelona for a change of scenery but to also spend more time with your girlfriend Alexia who lived and breathed the club.

She was injured at the moment so she wasn't at a lot of the trainings and would appear at some games, she was very protective but you knew that... to an extent.

Your whole life you had protected yourself from the prying eyes of others and didn't rely on anyone else so whenever someone offered to help you, you always declined.

They didn't need to, you had yourself sorted.

But as your early weeks turned into months at Barcelona more interviewers and fans started asking more questions and players on the pitch were starting to recognize some of your go to traits which ended in more tackles, risky tackles.

You had never played in the same team as Alexia yet but as she was getting better and sat on the bench you saw her eyes darken whenever a tackle on you was played.

When the game ended you walked over to the bench where she sat and took the water bottle she had out for you "you know if looks could kill Ellie Carpenter would be six feet under" you joked as the girl had slide tackled you at least five times during the game.

"I don't like it when they try and hurt you" she shrugged and you smiled, leaning over to place her hair behind her ear "it's apart of the game Ale, it's her job and she is good at it." you told the blonde and she rolled her eyes "they hurt you, I hurt them" she shrugged before walking off into the change rooms.

You stayed in your place as you watched her go.

"She's so protective of you" Mapi scoffed as she watched your interaction with Ingred "you know it wouldn't hurt if you were that protective over me" Ingred teased "Alexia would go to prison for life if anyone laid a finger on her"

You furrowed your eyebrows at the couple as they walked away from you still babbling about how Mapi could be more protective of Ingred.

You looked around the crowd before walking around to say hello and sign t-shirts for the crowd.

You always did the lap, some girls stopped every now and then because some of the fans could be too much but you were always good, protecting yourself when something would go too far.

But when a man tried to convince you to take off your playing shirt and give it to him you thought about Mapi's words.

You wish you had Alexia here to protect you.

But you had never invited her too, always making excuses for people or sticking up for yourself.

You knew you could protect yourself but you wouldn't mind Alexia saving you.

You bid the man farewell as he groaned at your non-willingness to take off the top.

When you went home that night you took another hot shower as Alexia cooked dinner you couldn't stop smiling over the fact that Alexia cared so much about you.

When you got out of the shower and changed, you went to the kitchen and wrapped your arms around Alexia's toned stomach.

"comfortable?" she asked and you nodded "very" Alexia laughed "almost done, go put something on the TV" she suggested and you nodded, kissing her back which was covered by a singlet and walking to the couch and picking a television show.

You sat in the corner as you waited for Alexia, your mind wondering into situations where Alexia could save you and how her arms could hold you oh her arms-

"penny for your thoughts?" Alexia said as she put your plate down in front of you "not thinking much" you shrugged and Alexia rolled her eyes "I know when something is on your mind amor" she said and you ducked your head into your arms out of embarrassment.

"It's silly"

"I doubt it is" Alexia moved closer to you and picked up your head with her fingers so you would face her "are you okay?"

"I'm fine I just-" you stopped yourself and Alexia nodded for you to go along.

"Well my whole life I've always stood up for myself and solved my all problems" you started and Alexia nodded "I know, it's one of the things I love about you"

You blushed as she kissed your cheek "And today when I saw your eyes on the pitch and then what you said after the game I realized that I can also allow you to protect me" you said softly

"And I just really like the fact that I have you and that you care about me so much to even suggest hurting someone who hurt me" you laughed at the end.

"I would do more than just hurt them" Alexia quipped and you smirked "would you say you would end up going to prison?" you asked, thinking of Mapi's comment from earlier.

"For life".

[cosmic-lullaby]

I’ve had some thoughts

So upon re-watching some scenes from Wednesday for fic research, I came to a realization. In episode 3, Wednesday wants to investigate the old pilgrim meeting house and asks Tyler where it is. He tells her, then offers to go with her, which she declines.

Now, obvious after Wednesday has her vision she wakes up and is jump-scared by Tyler / Hyde but like....why did he follow her there? There’s nothing (in my memory anyway) of any incriminating evidence against Tyler or Laurel or clues at the meeting house. So why would he follow her there?

BECAUSE DEAR READERS, when Wednesday was leaving, Tyler made a point to mention that the meeting house was a ruin, and kind of sketchy. Literally the ONLY REASON I can glean as to why he followed her there was to make sure she’d be safe. NOT TO MENTION he (adorably) mentioned how she was becoming ‘obsessed with this monster in the woods’. So why wouldn’t he go there as the Hyde to impress her? He certainly wasn’t there to kill anyone (oh yeah, and the old guy that harassed her he kills next? Tyler, honey, you’re not subtle.)

BUT ALSO, as Wednesday’s chasing after him in the rain, she comes across the footprints, very clearly changing back to human. Why leave such an obvious clue? Why change back at all? Running around naked in the rain CANNOT be comfortable? Why leave such a MAJOR clue like that the monster was human? Because Tyler was purposely leaving her clues. In whatever way he could, he was trying to tell her what was happening. WHY ELSE WOULD HE FOLLOW HER OUT THERE AND LEAVE FOOTPRINTS THERE’S NO OTHER REASON FOR HIM TO BE OUT THERE WITH HER THERE WAS NO OTHER PHYSICAL EVIDENCE FOR HER TO FIND

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

During the confession scene at the police station, obviously Tyler’s warning of ‘you have no idea what’s coming’. WHY WOULD HE TELL HER THAT IF HE WASN’T TRYING TO WARN HER. Wednesday thought Kinbott was Gates, and was DEAD. WHY GIVE HER SUCH AN OBVIOUS WARNING AND CLUE THAT SHE WASN’T DEAD LIKE BOY WAS EITHER ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AT BEING EVIL OR WAS ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE AND TRYING TO WARN HER IN EVERY WAY HE COULD GUESS WHICH ONE I’M STANDING BY

(look I know this arguably happened bc plot needs to happen. I'm reading too much into it. I don't care. I am having the time of my life. please join me in my insanity)

[the-morningstar-family]

Dear Willa,

I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment.

I am so so sorry this is happening to you!

And I understand why you don't want to tell Felix. It must be terrifying.

But Willa, you're not dead yet. Even if your health is declining you hopefully have still quite a few months ahead of you and with the help of that little mismatched family you two somehow got adopted into, I'm sure these months can be beautiful!

But Felix deserves to know that they are counted. He deserves to know that every good moment he gets with you is precious because you won't be there in the future.

It will be the hardest conversation you'll ever have and he probably will react bad.

But your not alone in this! You have Lucifer, Alastor, Charlie and everyone else in the hotel! They can help both of you through this.

Even though living with the knowledge you're dying must be horrible, it has one upside: You can help Felix to come to term with this. You can help him to sort his feelings and teach him that it's okay to be sad and scared for you and still look forward to the birth of the triplets. You can make sure that when you're gone, he's got many happy memories of you and he knows how much you love him.

How many parents in hell had that chance before their deaths?

Please, talk to your friends. Ask for their support. And tell Felix.

TW: Mention of terminal illness

The door of the room creaks open, and Felix sneaks inside. Willa quickly wipes her eyes, so her son doesn't worry.

Willa: “Felix Sweety, I thought you'd gone back to bed?”

Felix, sheepish: “I snug out… I was worried”

She smiles fondly at him. And then her tears come back. How can she just leave him? She never felt so guilty before. The tears make Felix only more worried. Willa pads the bed.

Willa: “Come here, snuggle pup”

He does as told, crawling up the bed, snuggling up to his mommy under the blanket. She hugs him tight, kissing his little forehead.

Willa: “I love you so much honey”

Felix: “I love you too mommy”

His tail wags, and Willa takes a deep breath. She'd do anything to stay with him.

Felix: “Why aren't you getting better? Nova, I and Alastor did”

Her breath hitches. He needs to know. He needs to… it gnaws on her heart. But it's not just about her.

Willa: “Felix. My lovely darling. I need to tell you something”

She keeps holding him close. So he can't look up. She isn't certain if she can finish this if those sweet mismatched eyes look back at her. Perhaps it's a little selfish.

Willa: “Mommy is a little more sick than just a flu”

Felix: “Like a really really bad flu?”

Her hand glides through the boy's hair, desperately trying to calm her racing heart.

Willa: “Not exactly. Something… something worse”

Felix: “Oh…”

The little nose twitches with worry, and she swallows hard. She wants it to stay like this forever. So she can be there for him.

Felix: “And how do you get better?”

He asks so sweetly, as if he'd get up and get it if it makes mommy healthy again. The amounts of time she cried lately, and yet here she does it again…

Willa: “I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry honey. But I'm not- I'm not going to get better”

She feels like she's choking on the words, and perhaps she's slightly shaking. Felix looks up.

Felix: “It's okay, we can help with the walking around”

The look is expectant, and she cups her son's face. Their eyes meet for the first time in this conversation.

Willa: “Felix. I– I am going to - to die”

The boy continues to stare. Not getting the gravity of the situation. She puts her forehead on his

Willa: “It means I'll….”

This is so hard to frag out. Every word, every fucking sound wants to stay in her throat. Digging in it's claws to never come out. But for him, she'll scratch them out. No matter how much she'll bleed.

Willa: “It means I'll be gone. And I can't come back. My- my body will stop working- and I can't be with you”

It's not nice to be stumbling over the words with this important explanation. But she doesn't know how else to say it.

Felix: “... And when will you be back?”

Willa: “Oh honey-”

Once again, she pulls him close. Trying push down the sobs she wants to make.

Willa: “I can't come back when I'm dead”

Felix: “Why not? Don't you want to stay?”

Willa: “Of course I want to. I just - I can't…”

Felix: “But why?!”

Her breath shutters, as her son's questions are getting more insistent.

Willa: “I'm very very sick. It's goi- going to get worse. I'll be able to do less and less things on my own-”

Felix: “We'll just help you! You don't have to leave!”

She desperately wants this to stop. The deep pit of despair in her chest is threatening to swallow her whole. All she'd like to say is ‘of course, sweety. Silly me, I'll be here forever’.

But she'd lie. And it would be so incredibly harmful for her sweet baby that's already going to get hurt.

Willa: “Sweety… I'm not going to walk away, or going somewhere. I'll be dead. It will look like I'm asleep. But I cannot wake up anymore. No matter how much I want to. I wouldn't ever leave you if I could do anything about it”

Again, he looks up. Frowning, ears laid back, looking ready to pount. Just that this time, it makes Willa's cm throat close up instead of laugh.

Willa: “Felix -”

Felix, angry: “I wanna sleep”

His mother nods, solemnly. Hopefully the morning will look better. She turns off the light, and holds him tight. The times she'll be able to hold him like that are limited after all.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Rainy Days | Jeon Jungkook

Based off of Rainy Days by V (obvi lol) Summary: Rainy days I'm thinkin' 'bout you Pairing: f!reader x Jeon Jungkook Word Count: 1.5k~ a/n: This is my second time posting this because it didn't do too well the first time and I was really proud of it so I wanted to give it another shot. Hopefully some of you might give it a chance? Thank you for all of the new readers and thanks especially to the people who joined my Taglist!

Waking up to an empty bed again I'm hit with my new reality. You're gone, and nothing I could've said or done would've changed your mind. Checking my phone I've noticed that I'm always waiting for your call. One that might tell me that you changed your mind, that you're coming home.

One where you ask me to open the door, telling me you want to start over, but it never comes. It's been like this for weeks and yet I'm still reminded of your presence every damn day. Seeing memories of you in every inch of what used to be our home, now feeling incomplete with only myself to reside. 

Walking into the kitchen, I'm flooded with the countless time I would find you there, bathed in sunlight dressed in one of my shirts and making us breakfast early in the morning. I would hold your waist from behind, receiving a scolding every time for scaring you. Going to rest and unwind I'm reminded of our nights together, feeling content because after a long and hard day just the thought of holding you close and hearing you laugh was one of the many things about you that would keep me going.

In my art studio, where you would sit as my model and let me keep you as my muse, tracing your every curve and keeping my eyes trained on you to memorize your soft features. On occasion you would find me in there painting something more abstract and that was something that made you laugh the most, saying how silly they looked. I would make them time and time again just to hear you laugh like that everyday.  

No matter where I look you're always there, haunting my every thought. What I would give to go back to one of those moments again. To just be in your presence and feel your touch, with your lips on mine and hear you call out my name. Just one more time, one more time to prove myself to you.

But it would never work, no matter how many times I would ask you to come back so we could talk things out you would simply tell me that you don't love me anymore, that you've fallen out of love with me. That's the only excuse you've given me, nothing more, and nothing less. Telling me I did nothing wrong, that I'm still the same man you fell in love with, but that our life together just wasn't enough for you anymore. 

I hear a notification come in and see that it's a text from a friend asking if I'll go out for drinks with him but I decline, knowing that it won't do me any good. No matter how many times he's offered, telling me it'll be good to get out and meet new people I always end up saying no. I've come to the conclusion that love just isn't for me, if it's not with you then it doesn't matter. Starting over with someone just seems pointless, spending years with someone, thinking they're the one to just be told that you're not enough. No, that's not something I want to happen to me again. 

My attention is brought to the world outside my window, hearing the sounds of rain pitter pattering on the roof above me. Rainy days used to be our favorite, when we had no where to go and we could just stay inside all day. We would always crack a window just so we could hear the rain fall and the thunder rumble. Although you would tell me you weren't afraid, I would still catch you cuddling in closer when the thunder would sound and the lightning would light up the sky.

I thought we had gotten closer lately, that we began to understand each other better. But the day you told me it was over was the day that I realized that it was only me opening up to you, and you just pretended to listen. Thinking back I started to notice your blank stares more, how you would shut down telling me that you were too tired to talk today. Some days it felt like I was living with a stranger the way that you would move around the place avoiding me at every chance you got.

You started spending more time with your new friends and would text me saying that you were coming home late and not to wait up. By the time you would come back I would feel the bed dip alerting me of your arrival but you wouldn't bother to touch me, or even let me know that you got home safe. The next morning I would hear you close the door and receive a text letting me know that you got called into work early and would make excuses that you were putting in some extra work so you could show that you deserved a promotion and that things would go back to normal once you got it. 

Yet even when you had gotten it you became more and more distant, saying that there were a lot more responsibilities involved than you had anticipated. But when I would check your social media after you had cancelled another one of our dates I would see how you had spent your night partying and drinking. When I would confront you about it you would tell me that it was work related and that you were required to attend.

Many of those confrontations had ended in fights that would tear us further and further apart. I had decided to give you your space after that and when you would finally talk to me again it felt like you were only doing it because you felt guilty. I would get hopeful, thinking that things had gone back to normal and we could make up for all the time we lost but you would fall back into those habits again once you realized that spending time with me had become pointless. 

Towards the end of our relationship you had told me that you were going on a business trip and would be gone for several days. I had sent you off hoping that you would come back and that some time apart might be good for us. On the day that you were supposed to come back I didn't hear a peep from you. I decided that I should check in with you the morning after to just see if you might've gotten in late or if your flight home had gotten delayed and I wouldn't want to add to your stress if that had been the case.

When I had woken up I decided to give you until at least midday until I reached out and when I did, you answered and told me that you weren't coming home. When I had asked why you just said there was nothing left for you there. I had later found out that you had fallen for someone else and you had gone to meet them on your supposed business trip. You told me I didn't need to worry about sending you anything because you already had everything that you needed and to just throw away the rest.

Doing that was one of the harder parts of this breakup. Seeing all the things I had bought you and the clothes you had worn over the years that still held your familiar sent broke me. I had to have that same friend that invited me out come help me clear your stuff out because I couldn't bring myself to do it alone. I kept a few things that I couldn't bare to get rid of, "You sure you want to keep that? I know how much that meant to her, it'll just serve as another reminder of what happened" I nodded my head and set it to the side as well as a few other things before he took a couple of boxes out that held the life we shared together. 

Weeks after the breakup I still lived in denial, thinking this was all just a dream, that I would open my eyes and we would still be together. But as the days went by I would wake up time and time again to an empty bed. Reaching my arm out beside me and expecting to feel your warmth were the days that hurt the most. Thinking you would be here in my arms again and that things haven't changed. Then it would all come back and I would feel wide awake when that same reality hit me once more.

The way I'm living isn't healthy and I know that, but I can't seem to drag myself out of this endless loop I've trapped myself in. I'm not sure which one would hurt more, living with the ghost of you or living trying to forget you. That's something I don't think I could bare to find out yet, so I'll just spend those rainy days thinking about you.

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[sonadowkismesis]

tell me about the gun commander! I need to hear your opinions I am deeply curious

hi! i really apologize for taking this long to respond. truth is, i didn't know where to start. given how bare bones the writing is when it comes to the commander, it's difficult to talk about his character without immediately dipping into speculation territory... and i'd end up asking myself things like "is this an actually widely accepted hc or just something i've thought about?"

so, i'm gonna lay my cards on the table here and say that this will mostly me sharing my thoughts (some more speculative than others) about unexplored aspects of his character, or things i think would have deserved to be expanded upon.

but first off, i'd like to advertise this post (the one that got me thinking about this in the first place!) so you can see where it is i'm coming from, and so i don't have to reiterate the points touched upon there

the first thing i noticed about the commander is how... he feels like a near perfect mirror to shadow, in a way that i don't think many people have noticed.

they're two people who lost the one most dear to them and thus blames the other for this tragedy, determined to take their revenge on those who wronged them. shadow blames gun, humanity -that of which the commander is a part of, meanwhile the commander casts gerald and the black arms, and therefore shadow, as guilty. while the commander has sat with his anger and sorrow for decades, shadow still holds the memory of the massacre fresh in his mind.

do you ever think about the fact that they might be the only people still alive who knew maria? the commander literally says he saw maria as an older sister figure. not friend, a sister. when you take into account that shth is the same game where shadow and maria are first referred to as siblings, it's hard not to see this detail as... deliberate.

it's almost like sonic team looked at shadow's grief and revenge arc from sa2, and thought "what if we did that again, but from the other side of the equation this time?". i'm not crazy it's right there dude. it's compelling as fuck and probably why i'll never think of the commander as the flopburger character others see him as.

something people might bring up as a plothole is the fact we never see the young commander on the ark before shth. if he and maria were this close as kids, how come we never see them together in sa2?

the commander is an obvious retcon (and not the only one in this game tbf), but that elephant aside, the shadow and maria scenes from sa2 are short and few enough that i don't think it's asking too much from our suspension of disbelief to imagine that young commander just. happened to be away during the duration of these scenes. in fact, i can think of at least a few good reasons for why it makes sense for him to not be around them at this time.

given his status as a top secret project, it's reasonable to think shadow would have had limited contact with anyone on the ark who wasn't a scientist. maria being an exception speaks for itself as she is gerald's granddaughter, and to some extent the person shadow was "made for".

but above all, i think when taking into account young commander's apparent terror from seeing shadow... i could easily see him try to avoid the hedgehog as much as he could. not yet out of hatred (the way i see it, his grudge against shadow and gerald would only grow after the ark raid happens) but more out of suspicion, distrust, and especially fear. he's so offput by the fact maria keeps hanging out with this guy, that he declines any of her suggestions to spend time with them.

sidenote: although it seems silly to us, i like to think most children would be scared of shadow, and the commander was no exception (especially considering black doom was like, right there which probably made the scene feel a lot more sinister). maria would then be a rare exception, as her bouts of compassion/sympathy towards the experiments on the ark seem to suggest. i could see her as the type of person to catch a bug and show it off to you for a bit, going on about how cute it looks... if she's a creature enthusiast, it would make sense why she clicked with shadow so well, in contrast to the commander.

i could imagine that in the event where shadow and young commander would have to pass eachother down the halls, yc would immediately try his best to put distance between him and the (dreadful) creature. switching lanes, changing directions, walking very close to the wall, you name it. (in my mind, shadow doesn't pay much mind to yc, but the fact that this kid seems to be that terrified of him is somewhat amusing)

anyways, it's that tendency to keep shadow at arm's length that leaves me thinking that his confrontation with shadow 50 years later could very well have been his first time... actually talking to the guy. because he never actually got to know shadow personally, his entire perception of him was built on unchecked biases given space to fester for decades on end. in these conditions, is it surprising that the commander ended up holding that grudge against shadow for all these years? how easy it is to project all the evil in the world onto someone you know next to nothing about?

the semi-hero story is the only path where the commander actually gets to talk to shadow face to face and... the shadow he meets feels lightyears away from the monster he had made him out to be, from his quiet and measured demeanor, to the graceful acceptance of his sins. and worse, shadow doesn't even remember the massacre the commander had been so eager to blame him for.

it's a brutal clash between reality and the fragile narrative he's constructed, one that literally leaves the commander to collapse on his knees. in that moment, it doesn't matter if shadow truly is responsible or not when the commander's biases and resolve have been shaken regardless. how could the hedgehog who spoke with so much truth and integrity be the evil demon he's been chasing after for so long? it just doesn't make sense.

i think for the most part, the commander's change of heart about shadow as it is depicted throughout the game does the job, and that string of dialogue where he invites shadow over to make amends is really sweet (although you can only hear it when playing the expert mode).

the commander hasn't been utilized again as a character after shth aside from a few scenes in chronicles, which is kind of a shame... because if there's one thing that i think should have been explored further, it's the commander's involvement with GUN. while we get a somewhat substantial exploration of his perception of shadow and its evolution, the same can't be said for the other side of the coin.

think about it, do we ever actually see him reflect on the fact that GUN was the one responsible for the ark raid all along? how does he feel about working for the organization who literally killed his family? does he even know about it for that matter??

personally, i often feel like a lot of the complaints about this plot point are done somewhat in bad faith? i've always held the opinion that young commander likely didn't know better or was misled on GUN's involvement on the ark, deliberately or not. i don't know about you, but to me, an 8yo child trusting a human-led organization who we know to lie to the general public in order to cover their tracks, over a scientist whom he personally saw create an all powerful creature with the help of an even more terrific alien demon kind of... speaks for itself. listen, my point is, it's not that hard to think of a reason why the commander would have this perspective on the events that transpired, especially given he was a small child when they happened.

but.

even putting sonic fans' obtuseness aside, the fact that none of this is touched upon in the actual game is such an oversight... like, it's a setup that never sees a pay-off or is ever called into question, and i understand shth is about shadow's character first and foremost, but jeez if you're gonna create a brand new character from scratch with their own backstory and motivations maybe don't leave a huge blank space right in the middle of it? it's sad because by diving into the circumstances of his enrolment at GUN, they could have covered some interesting themes like that of military indoctrination. and it would have added another layer of parallels between him and shadow, who is also deceived throughout the game and struggling to find the truth...

i think i've exhausted all the points i've wanted to make, so here are some dumb hcs i came up with that i didn't know where to mention

- since the commander was a child on the ark like maria, he might not have seen a lot of the earth so it's totally possible that shadow is the first mobian he ever saw, which would add to the spook factor

- the commander's parents were scientists who brought him along on the ark when he was little more than a toddler (i'm thinking around 4yo?). they were killed by GUN as part of the initiative to stop project shadow (afterwards the young commander would be told it was because of a freak accident involving gerald's roaming experiments, something he would believe for most of his life)

- after the ark raid, the young commander would be sent to live with distant relatives back on earth, all while being closely monitored by the organization (as they must have done with the other rescapees)

- the grandchild he mentions in expert mode is a little girl named alice, aka alicia. she was born on 30th october 2005, a few weeks before the game takes place (her parents were trying for an halloween baby and missed the mark by a day) (i may have kind of designed a whole family for the commander? if anyone's interested, maybe i'll post them eventually)

- the commander was granted access to a secret safe after rising through GUN's ranks. it has a ton of memorabilia that was locked in there after the ark shut down, away from prying eyes. as part of his effort to make peace with shadow, he invites him to go through it so he could recover some of his memories. among the countless toys and photos of maria he thought he'd never see again, there is no mention or pictures of project shadow at all, which was likely destroyed forever.

[parallel-selfs]

Canon Yuu vs My Yuu

Information I'm reading and using is this and this

Yes they also show physical touch, but isn't clingy or flat out touchy/handsy like Yuu. They ask for permission when they want a hug or help fix their friend's ribbon, gently poke the other as a joke, hold the person's hand or link fingers together while walking. They're touched starved and show their affection through physical contact, but would back off if the person doesn't like physical touch.

If they are invited to a birthday party, would totally attend but their time at a party is often feeling out of place unlike Yuu who always has a good time.

No, Can't really dance but learned how to by Kalim and Jamil's teachings.

Technically yes, has a habit of daydreaming and sometimes accidentally stares at other individuals.

Yes, also has a difficult time with basic lab textbook questions.

Yes, wears simple makeup for special events like the ceremonies.

Yes but doesn't mind the traditions since never did traditions growing up.

No, doesn't ask for help with studying or homework.

Yes and no, they don't have anxiety during the ceremonies, it's more discomfort when wearing the robes because the bad memories tied to it. They do fidget but not too bad and it's from getting stiff at sitting for a long time.

Yes, I believe they're diligent when they're passionate or interested in something.

Yes, will give the sass back.

No, it was a slow process for them, often feeling like everything is unreal.

Yes and no, they poked Leona and Jack's tails when it was beside them and only gave it one poke. Never touched Ruggie's tail and couldn't touch Malleus's when he warned them not to. (But in the future does touch the dragon tail)

Yes, if the lesson is getting boring they will accidentally fall asleep. They try to stay awake but it happens. However, it's not a constant current.

No, they take care of their clothing. Of course there are wrinkles on the school and lab uniforms because they don't have a ironer (or a care) and the uniforms are big on them, but they still look presentable.

No, they know how to behave in formal situations.

No, naturally doesn't have bed head.

Yes, they thought the event would be fun and be able to cut loose a little bit. Probably wouldn't be skillful but was clearly having fun.

Took care of the lounge the most because the constant hangouts there.

Yes and no, they're more serious about him doing his schoolwork and getting good grades than him becoming a great mage.

Yes and no, they don't really give an reaction when scared and hasn't really scared people before so isn't that skillful at it.

Yes, can get energetic and cheerful at times.

Yes, had a mother with anger issues.

And always watched the baseball games even though they're not interested in the sport.

And watched the Pop Music Club's performance.

Yes but that homesickness slowly faded. Never talked to anyone about it.

No, they were worn out by the walking and hot weather.

Yes, blank face most of the time.

Yes, they like his energy and often just talk about whatever. When he says he's an upperclassman, they say they're an adult.

And they feel the same way.

And they declined the ditching.

And took the candy away when he complained.

Yes, they think he's a good person to chill with.

Yes, was disappointed he noticed them.

Yes, they think Leona is good-looking.

No, they went to Jamil or Jack for food, not Ruggie.

They doesn't know how to pitch a tent but could figure out how to start a fire.

Yes, their energy sometimes rub off on others.

Yes, was scared at first but got used to it and enjoy the freedom of flying.

Yes, got annoyed and sad at Azul's comment, feeling like they shouldn't bother with singing when he laughed.

Yes, but the teasing is from something else and not mischief.

No, they rather stick to hiking trails.

No, they do a decent job at plating.

No, their face gives away the truth.

Maybe they could pick up lingering scents.

No, they thought he was being honest.

And they pouted at him for it.

Yes, they know he took everyone's brain cells.

Yes, they are the hype man.

Yes, the uniforms were leftovers from expelled/dropped outs.

They think Rook is creepy.

No, doesn't feel embarrassed for being sweaty.

Yes, always wanted to try it at least once.

Yes, never seen snow until NRC.

Yes, they can be chill and watch movies/shows with.

No, they complimented him.

Yes, has a friendly presence.

Twst has similar antiques to their world.

Yes, there's so much chaos behind those blue eyes.

And complimented how nice he looked.

No, Malleus kept them close by in case.

Yes, had a fun time exploring.

No, wasn't interested in hearing a proposal.

They declined a piggyback.

"Pot calling the kettle black."

No, never tried a sled.

Yes, towards their friends.

No, doubt that.

~~~~

No, their grade is average and is the peacekeeper.

Yes: 31/69

No: 18/69

Maybe/not yes or no questions: 14/69

Both yes and no: 2/69

Yes, Heartstayal is number one friend group.

No, they held bad blood because what happened before or after the overblot, but slowly forgave them and built a friendship with the boys.

No, can't play a flute.

Yes and no, it's not like they dislike bringing it up just didn't want to upset the person.

Yes, they try to be a good person and got labeled as a "goody goody" because of it, but they can be mean/rude if you anger/annoy them enough.

Yes, info dump and they will show interest.

Yes, almost daily chats.

Yes, the little guy grown on them.

Yes, they remember him pouting and getting mad he isn't invited to stuff, so often tries to include him which led to them being kidnapped by him for a unexpected hangout.

Yes, gets prideful when it works and/or gets smug at the person who doubted them.

No, they're just envious because it's so cool DX

Yes, cares deep about their friends and worries about them.

Yes, how will they take care of Grim if they don't have self-preservation.

Yes, wants to stay away from danger/trouble.

Yes, couldn't really make the place look less abandoned (and didn't care).

Yes, they're barely getting by.

No, has no talent with instruments.

Yes, romantic fool.

Yes, they're fine with chilling with people like Jamil or Silver, didn't like being called strange or weird for wanting calm hangouts.

Yes, never did research on mushrooms until joining Jade's club.

Yes, they're good at cooking.

Yes and no, there's times they're patient and times they're not.

No, wasn't scared of ghosts before or after entering NRC.

No, they will complain when the situation is BS.

Yes, very much so.

Yes and no, they hand their own issues like homework or assignments, but would ask for help with fixing the dorm or something that needs assistance.

No, they know who the Great Seven really are.

Yes, daydreaming makes them not notice things sometimes.

Yes, seeing the person cringe at the cheesy words is funny.

Yes, they understand freaking out will make the situation worse.

No, doesn't do sports especially baseball.

Yes, ordered stuff for Grim to make things more easier and comfortable for him in the dorm.

Yes, knows how to get a good picture.

Yes, enjoys a good book (and has nothing better to do).

No, they're not indecisive or nervous in class.

Yes: 23/35

No: 9/35

Yes and no: 3/35

[a-u-r-e-l-i-a-a-u-r-i-t-a]

About a guy I worked with

Almost every day, I'm plagued by thoughts of this guy I used to work with. We were friendly, maybe considered friends. But then he quit last November, and I haven't seen him anywhere since. My brother (who also works there) heard about it first, but didn't bother to get any details about his new job. So now I sit here, 7 months later, thinking about him. I really did like the guy. I miss him a lot. It takes a lot for me to admit that. I've never really experienced this feeling. Like I'm grieving something that never was, that could've been. When he left, I was coming to terms with my crush on him. Maybe I would've gotten over it. Maybe not. But now I don't have any real closure because he just disappeared from my life on a Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I'm just left holding onto intense feelings and fond memories. And I look for him in everything. The constellations, cars that look similar to his, people who share similar features. But none of it really compares to him. Sometimes, I check his mom's Facebook, to see if I can catch a glimpse of him now. A futile effort, she only really talks about his younger brothers.

I try to move on by talking to new people. Strangely, they all kind of look like him in one way or another. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. It took me twenty years to really truly feel any kind of romantic feelings for someone. And it took awhile to even recognize them.

I think about all the possibilities, the maybes. Maybe if i hadn't dropped out of college, we would've gone together for at least a year. Maybe if I wasn't so scared of my own feelings, maybe if I wasn't so afraid of losing a friendship, I would've said something to him. I vividly remember a time when we were out with the kids for recess, and he was talking about a job he usually worked over the summer. A restaurant in the nearby tourist town. It always had people coming from other countries to work the seasonal jobs. He talked about how some of the girls he worked with would ask him out, and he would decline. He told me he didn't think they were serious, that they probably just wanted a relationship that could keep them in the country longer so they could make more money. He made it seem like he couldn't believe they could be genuinely interested in him. I didn't really say anything at the time, I was mostly listening. Later, I was thinking about what I could've (should've) said. I could've said it was entirely believable. I could've said that he was absolutely cute enough to get hit on at work. And not just that, he was funny, and endearing. I should've told him that that day. But I didn't due to my own fear.

Maybe I'll come back to this one day with a resolution. Maybe one day I'll have the answers I so desperately crave. Most importantly, I hope I can get over the things I may never know, and be able to start truly moving on.

[emdeerm]

The stranger chuckled and gently pat Bruce's back.

"Hey, it has been a while, huh?"

Bruce just buried his face further into the shoulder of a slightly taller man. Silent tears were soaking into the white T-shirt.

The children were flabbergasted.

"What the fuck."

"Language, Master Jason," Alfred chastised gently as he suddenly appeared behind the frozen group.

"It's good to see you again, Alfred," the man greeted his voice all choked up.

"Same to you, Master Danny. You gave us quite a scare."

No matter how professional the old butler liked to be, he couldn't not hug one of his children.

"Welcome home."

-----

"So, B has a younger brother and no-one thought it was a good idea to inform us?"

After the heartfelt reunion, Alfred left the family to figure themselves out and to prepare a feast. Now Danny was faced with the force that is many children of his older brother.

He heard the stories and even had a chance to see them sometimes through the veil, but meeting them in person was a blessing he didn't think he'd ever get.

"Tim-"

"I forbade him from doing so," Danny cut off his brother, who looked at him incredulously. "B, keep your mouth closed. Your communication skills have become worse since the last time I've seen you."

That got some of the nephews and nieces to laugh at least.

"What do you mean?"

Dick. The oldest and the child who was adopted just a year after Danny had to go MIA.

Danny sighed. "I'll start from the beginning. Sit down, it'll be a long one."

-----

Danny was kidnapped when he was 10.

He could still remember the terror he had felt on that night.

And he could still remember just how shocked everyone was when a couple in hazmat suits accidentally rammed into them, apologised, grabbed their tech that got scattered about and left. Accidentally carrying Danny with them.

His parents were so inattentive at times, it was painfully hilarious.

("They just picked up a kid by accident, saw that later and decided to keep you?!"

"Pretty much."

"B, why can't anyone in the family be normal?"

"Hn," was the amused reply.)

He wanted to go back home but after some digging around, he realised that it was safer for everyone if he was missing for a little.

He died and came back at 14.

(Danny pat the back of his older brother and shot a reassuring smile to the others. "Yeah, I'm crossing that of my Vigilante Bingo too.")

He couldn't return to his brother yet. He now had his own problems, nemesis and rogues to deal with.

("You were a teen vigilante?! Alone?!"

"You gotta do what you gotta do. Ghosts were out and about and were dangers to themselves and others. I'm the bridge. I had to fix that.)

He ended up never revealing himself to his parents and moved out at 18.

He was home.

His brother was gone. The company and everything else were left in Alfred's hands for a few years by then.

Danny picked up the slack. He worked hard. He knew his brother would be back. Clockwork said so. And the time keeper usually wasn't wrong. Danny wanted his brother to be set for life when he returned.

When Bruce did come back, it took them a while to fully recover their relationship

("B's fault, really. He refused to listen to any reason lr explanation," *shrug*

"Sounds like him."

"I don't know," mused Alfred, who was suddenly there, "if I recall correctly, your pranks and pettiness weren't helping. "

*open laughter*)

They grew close again. Danny helped with Batman things by creating gadgets and being the man on the comms.

("One would be surprised how useful overshadowing technology can be."

*jealous noises from the select few*)

Everything was fine. Until Clockwork came to them with a mission that Danny couldn't decline or do quickly.

The time stream was destabilising. The world had a chance of completely falling apart. And Danny's status as a Halfa would allow him to be in the least amounts of danger while fixing that.

("I forbade talking about me. Clockwork and a few others pulled some strings that muddled the memories about my existence in the minds of others. I needed to disappear for this to be resolved. We had no idea when I'd be back."

The implied "if he would be back at all" was left unsaid.)

------

The next JL meeting saw an unusually chipper Batman with an invisible companion.

Martian Manhunter sensed the amusement from both and let them be.

Shazam recognised the feeling. His friend came to visit!

Let's go Bruce!

Masterpost

Lighthearted

Bruce and Danny were inseparable. Especially after the deaths of their parents. But that all changed when Bruce decided he had to become the protector of Gotham. He disappeared one night with only a note detailing his plans. After years of no contact with his family, Bruce thought he'd come home to an empty house or at the very least, a livid brother. Instead he was greeted with a massive bear hug and excited chatter. Apparently Danny had stayed. Not only that, he had taken over Wayne Enterprises and made it the leading company in pretty much every industry. What was most surprising is that seemingly, Danny had done it all for him. In his words, "If you're gonna go running through the streets beating up criminals, you might as well do it with the best tech."

Angsty

It didn't take long after Thomas and Martha's passing for distant relatives to come out of the woodwork. One relative was even bold enough to kidnap Danny. Due to the corrupt nature of the police department, they were slow to act. By the time they caught the relative, Danny had already escaped on his own. Bruce was devastated that he couldn't have even protected his little brother and this incident solidified his dedication to the mission. Meanwhile, Danny was picked up by some kind scientists who were in town for a convention.

Years later, the Batfamily hears Bruce cry out at the door. Everyone springs into action ready to fight. Only to find their father desperately clutching onto a stranger as tears stream down his face.

[devilressprincess]

No luck in falling asleep.

Leo and I talked for about a couple of hours until I started worrying about him because he had trouble breathing for a few minutes and I got really worried and I just realized how badly I have fallen in love with him. I made him part of my worry list that is reserved for my immediate family only and now plus him. Damn it. It took me 6 years and whole lot of distance to realize that.

I remember one time we were on a long drive with a couple of friends and I ask the married friend when did she realize that she wanted to marry her husband. She said "I realized I wanted to take care of him when he got really sick. That the phrase "in sickness and in health" in the wedding vows are really meant as it is, that you take care of each other no matter what". That was deep. I thought long and hard about it because at that point in my life, I couldn't take care of anyone else other than myself and my mother. That if Leo got sick for some reason, I wouldn't be able to take care of him because I didn't have it in me to do so. We weren't legally open to both our families at that time. We were 3 years in to our relationship.

I've been open about it to him. I was honest and told him what I felt and he didn't say anything. I've always been the unfair one in our relationship and he's always been the one to adjust. From the beginning his intentions were clear. He wanted to settle down and get married. To be honest, we have long been engaged. The first time I had a pregnancy scare, he got down on his one knee, took a dental floss and made a ring out of it and vowed to marry me whatever happens. I don't know if he remembers that but that's something that I hold on to my core memory. I was young and I hated commitment so I laughed it off. Marriage was definitely not on my 5 year plan at that time.

Years later, we've argued back and forth because of my lack of interest to commit to anything. I wanted things to stay as it is because there was nothing wrong with what we have and there's no need to take things up a notch. But he wanted something more, he wanted a future and I cannot give it to him. I've been living my life day by day and I had no plans for marriage or children. I've tried breaking up with him way too many times but he is a persistent one.

He's also been really honest about his plans to go back to the UK whether I would go with him or not. That if the opportunity comes he would not decline it. And lo and behold, the opportunity came knocking on his door one day and it changed our lives. He left for the UK with a 5 year contract but before leaving, he again, offered marriage so that I may go with him and we start life anew overseas. And again, the stubborn me said no, insisted that getting married that way is not how I planned to get married. You don't marry someone just to get a free pass to go abroad, I said. You get married because you are both ready to settle down and commit a lifetime together. He has always been sure about me and I was the one who couldn't make a decision.

And so he left.

Long distance relationship is not for everybody. It's a struggle to keep a constant connection despite the distance but it bought me time. He said in 2 years he'll come home and if i'm still not ready to settle down and get married then that's it. He's 4 years older than me and he feels like he's wasting too much time waiting for something that isn't going to happen. I was offended by that ultimatum of course, but also, I understand where he is coming from and that I somehow was playing with him with my indecision. I was set to let him go but I couldn't.

It's been a year and half since he left and I am now starting to realize how much time I have wasted in our relationship by constantly saying no. But also, the time that I took to realize things, also is the time I used to take care of myself and my family. This distance in our relationship has to happen, I feel like, for me to come to realization and that it was all part of God's plan.

Now, I think about a future with him, I future I look forward to.

Now, I am at stage where settling down doesn't seem so scary anymore. I wasn't in that head space years ago when he asked me. He was ready, I wasn't, and now I am. I took some time to get here but now i'm here and I can't wait to one day be together. Spend birthdays and holidays and celebrate each other without this distance between us.

Someday it will happen if God permits. If it is what is destined to happen.

Until then,

JJRB

[honeymoononvenus]

GOD SAVE OUR SPLENDOUR

The older I get, the more often I find myself reminiscing back upon my teenage years. Years that were spent learning to smoke stolen cigarettes, hacking into our hair with kitchen scissors, and pushing the line to see just how much you could get away with to any and all authority in your life. I had a great group of mates by my side; a motley crue soldered together by our mutual love of music.  

So, naturally, one of the key moments for us always came around the easter holidays. A morning where we would set an alarm to get up in time to hear a very important announcement coming through the speakers of my shitty little Mazda 121. An announcement that would then transform into multiple persuasive powerpoints, begging Mum to let me go. When the persuasions worked, we would next save up every single dollar we made at whatever crappy part time job we could find, and make up an excuse as to why we had to have the morning off of school ( IE. Orthodontist apt, Nans birthday, lost the car keys.. ) 

We HAD to ensure that we were first in the virtual line, to nab up tickets to the hottest thing your little teenage brain could imagine. I am of course talking about Splendour in the Grass, the annual 3 day music festival that takes place in the hills of Byron Bay. 

( Facebook post from my 15 year old self & some pics of that time to sum it all up )

Splendour to us was more important than any other pivotal high school moment - more effort and thought was put into festival outfits than Grad Formal attire. And we were not alone in this, even for people who weren't 16 and didn't yet grasp just how big and grand the world was. 

When the time came for my third year at the festival, 2015, tickets sold out in record time - 35 minutes was all it took for ALL three day passes to be completely gone. It was the Golden ticket to wonkas factory, no matter if you were celebrating your win in a grade 10 math class, or a white-collar corporate office. 

It's been about 10 years since these times I'm recalling oh so fondly; and in that period, there has seemed to be a definite decline in the hype surrounding ALL Australian Music festivals, not just our beloved Splendour. This year, 2023, has been the first that Splendour has failed to sell out their tickets.

There's no cushioning it; Australian music festivals are dying. They are becoming an endangered species, and if we don't act now, I fear they will meet the same maker as the poor Tasmainian Tiger... EXTINCTION. Imagine a society where we no longer roll around muddy fields, eating overpriced dagwood dogs with a pair of broken sunnies you found on the ground earlier adorning your face. A world where there is no crying happy tears while you stand arm to arm with strangers as your favorite artist takes to the stage, no fighting over set lists thrown into the crowd when its over and then spending 38 minutes trying to find your friend group at your ( failed) designated meeting spot since no one has reception anyway. Oh the horror! We only know what we got when it's gone. 

Speaking of gone, let's just take a moment of silence as we take a walk through the Graveyard of Australian festivals since you're probably still thinking “no way, festivals are such a money maker! They'll never die! We need em!” Well, In the graveyard we first find well-memorialized legends like Big Day Out, Homebake, Sunbury pop and Soundwave, as well as those perhaps forgotten; Parklife, Future, and Good Vibrations. Lingering at the gates is Falls Fest, who have recently announced a Hiatus for 2023 ( which, not to scare anyone, but IS the same announcement that most of those now extinct festivals made…) 

But - Why so much death and decay? How do we keep our favorites out of the boneyard? 

There are a plethora of causes that could be speeding up the grim fate of our once beloved festivals. From cops, to promoters, to money, to punters themselves.

MONEY MONEY MONEY 

Let's start with the elephant in the room, the reason why the world goes around... MONEY. To be frank, it costs a shit load of money to host a music festival. From land costs, staff, stages, artists, toilets, water, security, transportation, insurance.. The list goes on. In 2022, The financial times came out with a mini documentary to try and contextualize for us punters just how much of a risk is associated with hosting something of this scale.

Point being, there are big dollars being put into this from the get go. And it NEEDS to happen for a festival to be successful, safe and enjoyable. We all know what happens when you cut corners financially ( ala Fyre Festival…).  And those costs are only going up. According to the Australia Festival Association, the industry was hit with a whopping 30% rise in supplier costs at the start of 2023, with insurance premiums increased by as much as 300%. 

So naturally, ticket prices gotta increase to adjust to the costs from the top end. And, also naturally, punters don't like this. The current cost of living crisis ( which at this point feels like a buzzword boogeyman), means that more people are struggling to make ends meet in their day to day life, let alone find left over dollars to splurge a few hundred bucks in one weekend. Live music feels like more of a luxury these days for rich folks and internet influencers, rather than an accessible, cultural experience. 

Another problem lies in the fact that a lot of the time, Australians' favorite musicians hardly ever come to this side of the world at all. 

When I put a call out to my instagram followers to tell me why they do or dont love festivals, I got “line ups are shit nowadays', a lot. As in, out of 20 people, 17 of them mentioned something along those lines. Personal tastes of my instagram followers aside, this is a sentiment that has been so long running that every year it gets turned into a meme. There is a definite opinion that line ups from festivals across the industry have been declining in value over the years. 

Australia is a super scarce place for bands to tour. The remoteness between capital cities, a small population density, and a hefty distance from the rest of the anglosphere make it so that unless you are a big name like Harry Styles or Taylor Swift, bringing a tour down under can lead to a band hemorrhaging money. So, unless it's a financially viable move, and side shows will be a guaranteed success, artists are going to obviously be reluctant to say yes to begin with. 

Funding from government bodies also play a monumental role, in everything to do with Australian music. Starting from the bottom up, less funding to LOCAL artists = less Australian artists getting exposure = not enough popularity to be billed on a line up to begin with. Hence the foreign artists being brought in, which again just fuels the vicious cycle and creates the expense of overseas talent to begin with. 

Looking at the top level, government grants and funding can make or break a festival. 

As a little contextualising exercise, post covid both the UK government and the AUS government had a designated covid fun to help get the arts, and specifically festivals back on their feet. The UK fund was 500 Million pounds - nearly 1 billion Australian dollars- with festivals each being allocated up to 6 million AUD. On our side of the pond, Australia's RISE fund was only 75 million AUD, with the top hand out being 1.5M. 

It's no wonder how UK festivals continue to thrive with such a brilliant worldwide reputation. Our government needs to put more attention and money into the arts if they wish to keep it alive. 

THE WAR ON MUSIC

Going back to my own personal experiences, I will never forget the first time I came face to face with a punter's most dreaded enemy.. Its not rain, nor low phone signal, not even fashion mishaps take the number one spot. A punters nightmare; the humble black lab, dressed up and trained to find your narcotics, get you kicked out of the festival before you can even SMELL a dagwood dog, and gift you with a court date as a little parting present. 

To keep this from growing too broad, let's focus on the favorite festival drug, MDMA, perhaps wider known as Ecstasy. Typically taken either in a pressed pill, soluble capsule, or sniffed straight up the nose out of a plastic baggy. MDMA was huge in the 90’s and early 2000’s, which coincided with the flourish of Australian music festivals, but this sentiment was happening worldwide. UK rave culture was at its peak, as was the US. Its easy to look back on those days with fond eyes, and try to continue them on into today. But the fact of the matter is that drugs have changed a lot in the past 20 years. 

Dangerously changed. Back in the 90’s, the amount of MDMA in a single capsule would sit at around 80mg per pill, retailing for $10-$15. Today, pills on the dark web drug exchange sites such as Dream Market claim to have strengths starting from 160mg to 250mg, with most averaging to around 220mg. One pill in todays market equals nearly 3 pills in the 90s, with little to no education happening around these huge increases in amounts, nor the culture that surrounds it. 

And unfortunately the amount of drugs inside isn't even the most sinister part; in order to keep costs low, suppliers and dealers ‘cut’ party drugs with other substances. 

A study published in International Journal of Drug Policy, where they tested various drugs at UK festival Garden Party, found that Pills were being laced with pharmaceuticals from painkillers to anti-malaria tablets, while being bulked up by concrete plaster. Drugs sold as MDMA actually turned out to be  n-ethylpentylone, a long lasting cathinone that causes psychosis, paranoia, insomnia, seizures, and even death.  It's undeniable that there is a drug problem in our country that goes hand in hand with live music and partying. There is no one right approach to stop the tragic and unnecessary deaths of young people from these drugs, but as is the truth in most cases, prevention is better than a cure. The NSW government seems to disagree. 

Following two deaths at Sydney's Defqon 1 festival in 2018, premier Gladys Berejiklian had this to say. “I'll be doing everything I can to make sure it never happens again… this is an unsafe event.” Subsequently, the Australia media coined the term ‘the war on music’ to describe the crackdowns of live music and festivals by the NSW government. 

The message was clear from the people up top. Instead of taking the lead from other countries like England, Europe and even our neighbors New Zealand, who all use drug education and safety as a means of prevention, they pushed harder to shut them down all together. Ms Berejiklian has reinstated that there is no such thing as safe drug use. “Anyone who advocates pill testing is giving the green light to drugs. That is absolutely unacceptable.” 

Pill testing is a harm reduction strategy, which allows a person in possession of drugs to safely and discreetly find out what is actually in it. And by other countries' accounts, it works, with health care workers actually calling it life saving. During a trial of pill testing in New Zealand, 68% of those surveyed reported they changed their behavior after using a drug checking service, with 87% claiming their knowledge of harm reduction had improved. 

Following this success, In 2021, New Zealand became the first country in the world to completely legalize pill testing at festivals, after health minister Andrew Little introduced a bill urging parliament to look at the reality of recreational drug use. Unlike Ms. Berejiklian’s view, Mr Little acknowledged the truth of the situation at hand:

 “The reality is… we know that some people who attend those festivals partake of recreational drugs and substances. They purchase those substances and sometimes they do not know exactly what they are getting.. And there are risks associated with that.” 

The sentiment rings the same within the Australian public. In a 2019 National Drug Strategy Household Survey, we found that 57% of Australians supported pill testing, while only 27% opposed. Furthermore, a 2016 survey found that 86.5% of respondents believed drug testing could help reduce harm by users, while a whopping 87.1% said they would likely use this service if it had been available.

Fortunately, Queensland isn't living in the 20th century ( surprising for a traditionally conservative hick state, I know ), and has taken the lead to set what is hopefully a triumphant precedent of drug safety within Australia. The Palaszczuk government has given the green light on pill testing within the state, following the success of trials done in Canberra. The time is still unannounced, but it seems to be a great step into the right direction, one that hopefully other states can follow with. 

Queensland has already approved the introduction of these services and the NSW Government will examine the issue at their upcoming Drugs Summit. Hear from harm minimisation experts including a live demonstration of the scientific equipment at Pill-Testing Is Here.

Ok - so drugs, and testing, and governemnt, and etc.. why are the police a threat to the future of festivals? 

Lets take popular doof Bohemian Beatfreaks experience as an example. In 2018, they were forced to move their location all together mere days before their 3 day festival was set to commence, after a huge spike in fees promoters are made to pay for mandatory police presence. Their new location was just north of the NSW/ QLD border, in attempt to out run the NSW cops all together. 

The festival took to Facebook with the annoucement, adding “It is truly a sad state of affairs when we have government allowing gambling advertising on the Sydney Opera House, whilst music and arts events are shut down by excessive police compliances and User Pay Police requests that are out of step with the nature of these events.”

The fees in question rose to $200,000, a 1900% increase from the previous year, where the police were asking for $10,000 for their presence. Rabbits Eat Lettuce faced a similar problem, even after running 5 successful incident free years, the police wanted to push to shut them down all together.

PROMOTORS & FRIENDS

Australia has always had a complicated relationship with authority. We tend to make a person holding authority prove themselves to be worthy of the title before they gain respect. The authority of music festivals are pretty heavily put onto the event promoters - which in a nutshell means scouting a location, obtaining permits, booking artists, finding vendors, public relations, and most of all, getting people to come to their event.

At the end of the day, promoters obviously need to make a buck, and there certaining has been a feeling amongst punters that they infact arent happy with just a buck, they want multiple bucks, and that this isnt in the spirit of festivals, that they ‘dont do it for the music like they did back in the day’ blah blah blah. 

It’s entirely possible that we are too quick to point our fingers at promoters when things go wrong, withdrawing respect and reveling in anarchy instead. With the pressure of finances and the government threatening to shut them down, we can't deny that their job is growing increasingly hard as time goes on. However, the people are only as good as its government, and maybe its time for a re-election.

Are promoters out of touch with what we want, instead focusing on self indulgence and the lining of their own pockets?

Maybe. Upon its death, the founder of Big Day Out Vivian Lees called promoter AJ Maddah a ‘magalomaniac’, accusing him of driving it into the ground to profit his own founded rival festival, Soundwave. 

Peter Noble’s Bluesfest-Sticky-Fingers-Fiasco saw local radio stations scramble to give away tickets in an effort to boost attendance, even if that meant free entry. 

Splendor in the Grass saw 2022 to be much of a disaster than they obviously would have hoped for. Being dubbed ‘Splendour in the Mud’, Byron Bay was hit with the most rain it had seen in 50 years- which led to a domino effect, each hit being more sinister than the other. 

15 hour waits to get into the campsite, an entire third of the festival being canceled before it even began, workers and volunteers quitting at a rapid rate after their tents began floating away while on shift, and the infamous bus line hellscape. . . It was nothing short of a horrific nightmare for all of the event organizers. 

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what one thing was the biggest domino that has most likely led to low ticket sales this year. All I know is 2023 feels like a redemption year for Splendour, and they’ll have to do their best to win back the punters.

PUNTERS

The search for the scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions. What if we, the punters, are simply the reason why festivals are falling faster than we can count them? 

When asking some people why live music was unappealing now, there was a massive sentiment that post covid, we have lost our sense of concert etiquette. People dont look out for one another like they used to in the mosh, instead feeling more entitled to be there, to have their own space, to push closer to the artist. 

Festivals used to be just as much about community as it was the music, and if we truly have lost that community then we have lost festivals.

Ok. Maybe we aren’t entirely to blame - as a punter myself, I can’t lie and say I don’t feel disappointed by the state of line ups now when I compare them to what they were 10 and 20 years ago.  I thought maybe my lack of excitement over announcements was just a reflection of my growing age and loss of touch with what is hot and hip. But join any comment section of a festival related post and you’ll find solidarity from all ages. 

Promoters will still try their best to sell their diamond studded turd, but without a festival culture that people can get so excited by they look past the lack of ‘good’ artists, it’s a fantasy to think it will sell out. 

WHERE TO FROM HERE?

Even after all my research, I don’t really know what the solution is. All we can do is what we have always done, have hope and try to remember why we do this in the first place. Harness that rush of excitement you felt when you saw your first ever live gig, drinking your first ever vodka redbull, waking up hungover in a stinking, muddy tent for the first time. Think about the generations below you who should also have the right to all of these fantastic firsts, and to feel embraced by the power of live music in masses. GOD SAVE OUR SPLENDOUR!!  

[i-seek-but-one-thing]

Philip frowned when she declined his gift -- the only thing that was easy to give her -- and he tried to gently hold it out to her. "I insist, Syrena. God knows I need only one. This is meant to be shared with another anyway." He tried to force out a laugh, a small chuckle, anything to lighten the weight in his heart. This wasn't the reunion he ever envisioned.

"Please." He didn't mean to sound like a drowning man begging for air. "Don't... don't think of me, for this isn't mine. This is God's Word. So think of Him and... and how His plans are better than ours." The words were like stale bread in his mouth -- it was no longer easy for him to swallow; he was reluctant to believe it.

God gives and He takes away. Syrena was removed from his life, and despite all his efforts, she was not given back to him. It was Rachel who took her place. And that's who he should be returning to.

So why was he still struggling to part with her?

Why was she back in his life now?

If he was to say goodbye, he might as well have the decency to make eye contact with her. He knew he would see sadness there, but he didn't anticipate how much it would pierce him. He never wanted to see her hurt. He did so once, twice... now a third time. And this time, a deeper pain, no doubt.

Philip breathed slowly, steadying his feelings. "It was lovely to see you again, Syrena." He tried to keep his voice casual, friendly. "I wish I could say more to you. But --"

"Philip? There you are!"

Philip's eyes widened and he immediately forced a wide smile when Rachel came up to him, hooking her hands around his arm and pulling him to her. "Rachel!" he greeted. "I'm sorry, I --" He glanced at Syrena, panic in his eyes.

"I was wondering what was taking you a while. I'm sorry I couldn't wait no longer." She laughed, then looked at Syrena as well, her smile faltering slightly. "Who's this?"

Philip forced himself to meet Syrena's eyes -- forced himself to see the pain he was inflicting deepen. "This is Syrena," he said. "She's... she was an old friend. From one of my missions trips." It wasn't technically a lie; he couldn't lie.

"Oh, what a lovely name!" Rachel held out her hand to shake Syrena's. "Almost reminds me of mermaids. But I never liked them though, they scare me." She smiled almost sheepishly.

Philip raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was honestly his first time hearing it. He hoped Syrena didn't think he did this on purpose -- or maybe it didn't matter. She had every right to hate him right now.

"Anyways, it was lovely to meet you!" Rachel continued before pulling Philip away. Then she noticed the flowers and chocolates in his arms. "Oh -- I'm actually not in the mood for chocolate right now. I'm sorry I yelled at you about them earlier. There's actually something else I wanted to try, if you can get it for me?" She glanced back at Syrena. "Perhaps we can give these to her!"

Before Philip could say anything, Rachel took the pouch of candies and handed them out to Syrena. "They're really good, you'll love them!" She smiled just as sweetly before returning to Philip's arm.

Philip took one last glance at Syrena before turning away. He would understand if she could never forgive him after this encounter. Was this God telling her to let go of him this time?

As if to answer his question, Rachel tiptoed to kiss Philip on the cheek. "You're so sweet," she said, taking the flowers from his hand as they continued their way through the market.

--

Philip's mind was elsewhere for the rest of the day -- which made him more willing to buy Rachel whatever she wanted. It kept her from asking too many questions about Syrena. Philip had rarely mentioned her throughout their relationship, wanting to put the memory of a fantasy creature behind him. However he failed to shake off how bothered he felt by Rachel's comment about not liking mermaids. He already knew she disliked the thought of traveling -- even more so, him sailing off to God knows where. And that was putting the main strain in their relationship.

And now Syrena is back.

Philip walked Rachel back home with all the goods he bought for her, a variety of flowers, treats, and knick knacks from foreign places. She tried to convince him to stay the night, noticing that something on his mind was bothering him, but as always, he politely declined. It didn't feel right to him, sleeping at a woman's place without being married to her first. It disappointed her each time and always prompted the question of when he'd propose, in which he'd respond that he was waiting until he completed his cartography apprenticeship first. And he was close. However it seemed that Rachel was getting impatient, and he was starting to second-guess spending the rest of his life with her.

It was night when he left her place, though he didn't head straight home yet. He needed some space to clear his head. No doubt Syrena's return would trigger nightmares of Blackbeard and the other pirates -- which happened when he first returned home from his initial adventure. They would occur now and then, which would prompt him visiting Rachel in the middle of the night. She was his main source of comfort while he recovered, and maybe that's what he clung to. She may be demanding, but her humanitarian work already demands so much from her, surely she deserved to have good things given back to her. He also didn't mind; he was earning a lot more money than he needed. Of course he gave back to the church that impacted a majority of his life -- or did those cease due to Rachel's increasing demands? Nevertheless, he liked seeing her happy. She had filled a gap in his heart; a hole that was once filled with sea water, she replaced with solid ground.

Yet it's to the shoreline Philip wandered to that night, the sound of the crashing waves bringing a familiar comfort. He didn't want to admit he was hoping Syrena would be there, but she was. And he felt guilty for feeling glad she was there, though he couldn't help that his words came out bitter.

"What are you doing here, Syrena?" Here -- on land, in my home town of all places -- now, after all this time.

He had every right to feel the way he did. But he couldn't stay that way for long, especially not towards her.

shє hσpєd hєr slíght trєmвlíng wαs nσt vísíвlє tσ phíllíp. ít hαd just вєєn sσ lσng. shє hαd míssєd hím, αchєd fσr hím, lσngєd fσr hím, prαчєd fσr hím- αnd hєrє hє wαs. чєt shє fєlt sσ much guílt, mσrє thαn hєr σwn rєlíєf thαt hє wαs αlívє αnd wєll. guílt thαt shє hαd strαчєd, guílt thαt shє hαd nσt cσmє вαck sσσnєr. surєlч hє wσuld undєrstαnd hєr σвlígαtíσn tσ thє mєrmαíd wσrld. surєlч hє cσuld… σr wσuld hє?

sчrєnα wαs nσ fσσl. shє cσuld píck up thє chαngє ín hís hєαrtвєαt, thє єvαsíσn σf hís єчєs. shє knєw. hє díd nσt hαvє tσ sαч ít. shє swαllσwєd, sílєnt. αftєr αll, ít hαd вєєn σvєr twσ чєαrs. phíllíp wαs єntítlєd tσ hαppínєss. shє cσuld nσt αnd wσuld nσt єхpєct tσ hαvє hím wαítíng fσrєvєr.

вєfσrє shє knєw ít, hє wαs plαcíng thє вíвlє ín hєr hαnds. shє hєld ít fσr α mσmєnt, hєr hєαd shαkíng ín α símplє 'nσ.' "í cσuld nσt," shє sαíd, mєєtíng - trчíng tσ mєєt - hís єчєs. "чσur kíndnєss ís αpprєcíαtєd. вut чσu dσ nσt hαvє tσ, nσt shσuld чσu. í sєє чσu hαvє σthєr … cσmmítmєnts."

hєr vσícє wαs sσft αnd lσw. nσt unkínd. shє knєw ín hєr hєαrt σf hєαrts thє místαkє wαs hєrs. чєt ít stíll stung… αnd mαчвє ít αlwαчs wσuld. phíllíp wαs nσt just αn σld lσvєr. hє wαs hєr fírst lσvє, hєr σnlч lσvє. hє hαd tαught hєr sσ much αвσut hєrsєlf- sєєíng hєrsєlf thrσugh thє єчєs σf sσmєσnє whσ rєαllч lσvєd hєr hєlpєd hєr sєpαrαtє hєrsєlf frσm thє fαmílíαl mσnstєr shє fєαrєd shє wσuld вєcσmє. lєαvíng hím hαd вєєn nєхt tσ ímpσssíвlє; lσsíng hím, wσrsє.

shє hαd lσσkєd. shє hαd scσurєd. thє sєα hαd чíєldєd nσthíng, αnd shє wαs nσt α crєαturє σf thє lαnd.

gєntlч, αnd hσpíng hєr smílє wαs kínd єnσugh, shє prєssєd thє вíвlє вαck íntσ hís hαnd. "thαnk чσu. вut ít wαs σnlч tσ rєmínd mє σf чσu, αnчwαч, αnd í вєlíєvє wє mαч вє вєst lєαvíng thíngs whєrє thєч αrє."

shє hσpєd hє dídn't nσtícє hєr vσícє trєmвlє.

shє hσpєd hє nσtícєd thαt shє dídn't rєαllч mєαn thαt.

[yichimi]

Hi <3 i will like to request like- how would the dorm (or just Azul, Vil, Kalim and Leona(Andjustifyouwant Ace and Deuce but it's not important at all)) will react if you said with an angry face "I know what you did" and insist until the character confess something, it could be anything but something, and don't worry, English it's not my first leanguaje as well, feel free to take your time or decline <3!

✨Thank you for your request and patience✨

"i know what you did" - with Deuce, Ace, Leona, Azul, Kalim and Vil

DEUCE SPADE:

Stares at you along time

He really tryst to remember what he could've done

He started to get so nervous about it and also started to make things up in his mind

Situations that never happened but he now believes are real

That's how nervous he is-

"Was it that bad?"

You jokingly nod trying to stay serious and then he lost it

"Whatever it was! I'm so sorry please let me make it up!"

And then he kinda continues about date ideas or buying you sweets and stuff just to apologize (for something that never happened)

In the end when you told him everything he was more than relieved but also said you should never prank him like this again because it fluffing damn gave him a Heartattack-

ACE TRAPOLLA:

he knows he does shit

And he's done a lot of it too

But recently he didn't do anything! At least HE thought he didn't

Then you stood up the morning and chose violence-

"I know what you did" you said trying to keep a straight face

"EH?!"

Thinks real hard but can't find anything in his memory that could've made you mad-because he apologizes always afterwards if you were involved

"I-I don't know-i really don't know! Was it because i ate your yogurt 3 weeks ago??? Did you found out now?"

Well the yogurt was new but-no it isn't something to he mad about really

You told him the truth and now he's mad at you-like how dare you scare him like that

But hands down, that was awesome!

Good job he's proud of you

But don't you dare ever do THAT again ON HIM

LEONA KINGDSCHOLAR:

well the only thing he really does is sleep when you two actually had a date or he was a bit way to honest with you

But you already are used to that

You still wanna pay him back so

Why not like this?

He just woke up 5 seconds ago because you threw a pillow right in his face and you said, "I know what you did"

He's thinking the best he can in a situation he just woke up-

Didn't really work

"what are you even fucking talking about?"

Fully believes he's innocent, which he is

But actually also has a clean mind-

After you told him the truth he ready-

You're standing beside his bed and he will grab you and use you now as a pillow if you want it or not

You gonna lay there for hours

"so troublesome, but i still love you"

AZUL ASHENGROTTO:

well-panic attack-

Was he not spending enough time with you?

Don't you like his presents???

DO YOU FEEL LIKE HE DOESN'T LOVES YOU?? Because he really does-

The angry look on your Face-Damm breaks his heart honestly

"I-I cant remember what i did-"

Because he literally didn't do anything he's such a sweetheart-

Ohhh i swear the comfort you have to give him is gonna be big-

Thinks real hard and can't find ANYTHING in his memories-

"it's a joke-!" You bubbled out and damn is he reliefed-so happy that he didn't do anything

But you did-and what you're gonna do next is cuddling and giving out the explanation why excatly you did this for his poor soul

KALIM AL-ASIM:

Oh bless his innocent soul

Besides all the partying and mess he does by accident, innocent

He does nothing wrong in your relationship except keeping you entertained and sporty

But a small little prank? Maybe-maybe it would be funny to see his reaction

And his reaction was that he started to laugh, no way he did something that bad. He didn't do anything in the last hours so it can't be it

But when you didn't laugh like he did...he worry's. Was really everything ok? Did he maybe hurt you by accident?

Panic

Starts to apologize so much you can't even understand him anymore

Jamil watching: (ಠ_ಠ)

"Kalim, I'm sorry! Its a prank!"

And then he's all happy again

A prank, of course it was one! He never does something bad!

VIL SCHÖNHEIT:

no one can shock this beauty that he starts to stress

Nothing and no one

But you can-and you know exactly how

Besides the 'make up is running out' situation or one of his brushes broke. Chill

But the moment you stepped into his room angry saying "I know what you did!" He was: ????

Tells you to calm down and tell him wHaT mR pErFeCt dId WrOnG

Nothing-

But you wouldn't tell him that

You kept on looking at him angry and he then and there starts to worry a bit

...what could he done wrong?

Spaces out a little so you gonna snap him out of it, "Prank-" you simply said-

You got kicked out-youre wasting time??!! Is make up honeyyyyy, it's more important than a prank

But not as important as you---

TWISTED WONDERLAND MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

[ryozoro]

Hades Playlist - iv.

NOW PLAYING: Memories - David Guetta [ft. Kid Cudi]

an; yo, sorry if the transitions are a little sloppy; I’ll go back in and fix them when I have the chance :,)

last song 🔊 EP 🔊 playlist 🔊 next song

“We try to hide our feelings, but we forget that our eyes can speak.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“Oh, fuck - sorry,” yn moved out from behind the counter, “forgive me, I’ve been daydreaming a bit. What kinda model do you got?” Yn said as she walked the nice lady to the side of the store where parts are displayed on the wall in lamented posters. “You’re very pretty, sorry if I keep staring.”

“HA,” the lady snorted as she played with her wedding ring, “you sound like my husband; you are like - the first girl I’ve met who has thought I was pretty. Thank you, it truly means a lot.” The lady smiled as she began pulling out her wallet and a few written down notes, “it’s uh - fuck hitto, you write like a kid, it’s a 2016 Ducati?”

“2016 Ducati Full Throttle,” yn said back with a small smile as the woman laughed again, “I’m assuming it’s your husband’s old bike?”

“Yeah,” she played with her ring as her smile softened, “he wants it in good condition before he gives it to one of our neighbors. It’s tradition for his - occupation..”

“He in a gang?” Yn asked as she began shuffling through shelves, “Don’t sweat it, I’m not gonna freak out over trivial matters.” The young ryuguji chuckled as she finally found the part she’s been looking for. “Here,” she place the part on the top, “its the G2 Throttle Tamer Ducati you needed. I’m assuming he’s still in a gang by the looks of how you covered for him, but don’t worry - it’d be hypocritical if I got scared you were involved with a delinquent.”

“Oh,” the lady sighed out, “thank gods. You can call me Kaku-san if it’s alright with you? Could you install the part by yourself? Sorry, my man is just always busy with work and was hoping to have someone install it for us..”

“I can’t personally install it, but my brother can! He gets back from his lunch break in about twenty minutes, so I know its a long wait -"

vrrr...vrrr...vrrr

"I'm so sorry, I'll just turn that off-," yn went to hit 'decline call.'

“I can wait, no sweat!” She smiled as she began digging through her mini backpack, “I need to check and see if my loser has ate lunch yet. I'll be outside for a bit." With that, 'Kaku-san' had walked out as she dialed her husband.

"Fucking hell," yn breathed out before hitting accept, "Inui-senpai, hey - what did you need?" Her breath hitched in her throat as she heard his low laugh.

"Just checking to see if my favorite girl has ate yet - so, have you?" Yn could just hear the smile that creeped upon his face, but for some reason - she didn't feel as in awe as she once did.

"Ah," yn scanned the shop and began totaling the price for the repair and writing further notes for her older brother, "no, I haven't ate yet, but I was planning on just heating up some of the leftovers that Souya-kun gave me."

"You know, if you keep being as cute and clingy as you are around him," yn could hear him moving around paper bags of what she assumed was to-go food, "shit, sorry. As I was saying, if you keep being so cuddle buddy with him, he's goin to fall for ya."

"Or," yn rolled her eyes as she began to document minor details on the log for each hour, "maybe, you're just reading in too deep on the fact that Souya is just an overall easily flustered person. Being a decent human does not make my kind actions count as flirting; if it does, well, you men around me are just dumb."

"Oh, don't be like that, princess," inui said in a rather sarcastic tone, "you know I'm just teasing you. Leaving that matter, I got you lunch - your favorite lunch, might I add."

"Thank you senpai, but -,"

"Inui-kun~ why aren't you getting off the phone yet? You promised that you would pay attention to only me today!" Yn heard a whiny voice - a woman’s whiny voice - through the phone, “I thought you said after we get lunch we’re just gonna lay in bed all day.” Inui mumbled something to her that seemed to have shut her up, clearing his throat, “sorry about that, are you still -,”

“I’m pretty busy and I plan on going out with a friend for my lunch break,” she cut him off, “have fun on your day off.”

yn knew she shouldn’t be angry; inui was never hers to begin with, but she was hoping that he’d at least spare her feelings. maybe this was good. maybe knowing that he has someone, even if it’s just a fuck buddy, will help her clear her mind and finally let go.

tani senpai <3: ft during your lunch break?

tani senpai <3: wait do you play cod? if you did that’s be kinda hot

tani senpai <3: I meant dope but hot works too

tani senpai <3: OH, wait rain check on the call, why don’t we just meet in person? ;) after all, I still have your necklace.

tani senpai <3: I cleaned it up because I was wearing it so I wouldn’t lose it.

tani senpai <3: lmfao I really made it a blood diamond at one point

kaku-san paid her total for the part and repair and ensured yn that she’d be back around five. sighing once the older woman left, yn went to check her phone that had been buzzing incessantly since she hung up on her brother’s best friend.

you: I’m gonna punch you in dick next time I see you :,) I was helping someone and I had to act like my phone was not going HAAM in my pocket

tani senpai <3: uh uh uh , leave ran jr. alone. he did nothing wrong :p plus, you’d have to kiss it better if you hurt him

you: I — WHEN ARE WE MEETING AND WHERE ?

tani senpai <3: [location] a small nightclub @ 16:00 tonight :) I would offer to buy your dinner, but you threatened my best man.

you: I hate you :,) but um,,, I don’t exactly know — what to wear to a nightclub..? Can I just go in a hoodie and some sweats and talk to the bouncer like “hey, I know the haitani bros — lemme in.”

tani senpai <3: LMAOOO,, nah I would to see you size the man up. as for clothes — you don’t have anything like ,, that radiates “hot girl” shit ?

you: no, if I’m not in my uniform — I’m either wearing my brother’s clothes with some cargo pants or sweats. sometimes I wear my own clothes, but that’s usually just merch.

tani senpai <3: as much as I want to see you in school uniform or in full need mode, I don’t think the bouncer would just let you in. OH, wait — fuck them. I forgot that I’m literally a god to them lmao,, wear what you want , I’ll wait outside for you and we can walk in together :)

you: wait really :,) I’m gonna try and make use of what I have tho ! I’ll lyk when I get there :)

tani senpai <3: wow so you’re not gonna ft me :|

you: you licherally said “rain check”

tani senpai <3: but I just finished my tasks for today, call me or I’m calling you

you: sorry , my brother just got back, I’ll talk to ya later :p

tani senpai <3: fine :| I’ll just bother Rin then.

the young ryuguji chuckled before locking and pocketing her phone once she noticed her brother’s presence. sure, she was still hurt at the fact that inui is currently hooking up - maybe even dating - another girl, but at least she could look to the eldest of the Haitanis and feel herself forgetting all about her first love.

“What ya lookin at brat,” Ken laughed out as he went to pat her head, “hey, who has you smiling like that?” He has always been protective; it was just his nature as a big brother. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re happy, but if it’s about a boy I would LOVE to know who.”

“It’s just a stupid thing that emma-senpai sent me,” yn attempted to play it off, “anyways — how was lunch?”

“It was good,” draken said as he went to put his jumper back on, “but it coulda been better if inui didn’t bring his ‘friend girl’ around. She kept hittin on Mikey and asking about my necklace and I almost called you up to come deck her.” He quickly grabbed his chain and kissed the ‘Emma’ that hung in the middle just before tucking it back under his white tshirt; it was his routine.

“I woulda showed her that ‘Draken Uppercut’ if I was there big bro,” yn made a small show of what she did in hopes of making her brother smile.

“You’re an idiot,” his smirk plastered on his face in a proud manner, “but I don’t need you wasting your energy on her. It just — like who the hell do you think you are touching a random stranger, especially around their neck. Like who?” She could tell that he was upset that he couldn’t have done anything; Draken was just brought up to be extremely respectful. “The worst part,” he threw a wrench at his ‘anger wall,’ “she kept asking shit like: “who names their kid emma,” “was she at least pretty,” and the one where I almost put my hands on her, “is she dead or something? what you just can’t let go?” Yn, I was so close to knocking her daylights out. She honestly got lucky takemitchy had tackled Mikey, or she woulda got her shit rocked.”

“I,” yn was at a lost for words; she had never heard someone disrespect any of her family this openly, “what the fuck did inui say? Did he just sit there through all this shit?” she moved from behind the counter and rolled out one of the bikes he was scheduled to work on, “please don’t tell me he did.”

“No,” draken rolled his eyes as he recalled the previous events, “just prop it up by station one, gotta get the new 340 mm rear air shock absorber suspensions, oh, could you jot that down, please? But nah, this fucker,” draken lifted the bike up so the back was in the air and put it on a lift, “just found every way to piss me off. Like I love him, but he fucked up today. He told us ‘sorry, she’s just cranky so don’t take her words to heart.’ If she called me ugly or some dumb shit I’d be okay, but he really told me not to take to heart the fact that she spoke on Emma’s name like that.” He tugged on his dark locks as he undid it, “could ya put it back up for me, it’s not tight enough.”

“I gotcha big man,” yn gently massaged his scalp as she went to put his hair in a tight but loose bun, “you know, she’s probably really proud of you right now. Bet she’s smilin up there too.” she could feel his tenseness fade as she comforted him; she’d do this one hundred times a day if it meant that he’d finally stop blaming himself for all those years ago. “There,” she smoothed over the top of his head once more, “all done.”

“Thank ya,” he hums as he begins to work on the bike, “oh, do you want to come with later? me and the boys are gonna head to mitsuyas before we go out so you can hang out with the other brats.”

“Actually, I um,” yn felt the sweat gather in her palms as she walked back to her station, “I was wondering if I could go out tonight - with a friend..”

“What friend,” yn flinched as her brother snapped his gaze towards her, “do I know said friend?”

“N-no,” she cleared her throat and began writing on sticky notes and receipts, “he — they were nice to meet when I first got back in town and offered to hang out - so, I felt that it’d be rude to -,”

“Nah, you’re not going,” draken turned his attention back to the bike, “you’re either going to stay home or hang out at mitsu’s house. No in between.”

“That’s fair,” yn sighed, “can I just have a reason as to why I can’t go?”

“Because I don’t know em and the streets have been rainin havoc since Mikey got out,” he sighed as he put his tools down. He stood up to full height and gently patted the leather seat of the propped up bike, “I just don’t want you to get hurt, bub. Yer my number one right now and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go on if you even get the slightest bit of hurt.”

“I understand big draco,” she laughed softly, “Can I just stay in then? I promise I won’t leave; I just feel like being in my own bed tonight.”

“Anything for you, yer majesty.” Ken smiled as he concluded that he had the best sister in the world.

—

“Alright, yn, we’re about to head out,” her big brother knocked on her door, “can ya at come say bye?”

“Fuck,” yn got up and quickly put an oversized sweater and some basketball shorts that reached just below her knees, “gimme a minute! Sorry, I was taking a nap.”

“We’ll be out in the living room, dumbass.”

If anything, yn was just glad none of them walked into her room to see her basically bare figure - shout out to her Ken-nii for knowing his sister. Once fully covered, yn made her wait out the room and noticed everyone sitting on the couch in the living room, even inui.

“Yn,” souya barked out, “you’ve ate right? If you haven’t ‘m gonna fight you!” He stood up and approached yn as all the other boys smirked and whistled in the back. “You guys shut the hell up.!”

“Neh neh,” nahoya laughed, “you need to stop bein so flirty over there, angry.” Smiley always teased angry, but that was just brotherly nature; however, if anyone else were to continuously pick on angry — it wouldn’t be a shock if Smiley was on top of them and imprinting the curve of his elbow into their forehead. “He just missed you, little Ryu. Make sure to let us know if anything happens-,”

“We’re going to get Ken-chin laid,” Mikey said with a mischievous smirk as he began pushing his taller friend out the front door. “Choi~.” The other boys followed either patting her head before they left or hip bumping her; hakkai decided to be the odd man out and hug yn to his chest and dramatically walk out the door as if they won’t see each other for fourth years.

“BYE,” she poked her head out then quickly shut the door and disregarded her hoodie, “now that they’re gone..”

VRRR..VRRR….VRR

“OH MY GOD, WHAT,” picking her phone up off the coffee table she fell back onto the couch, “what do they want-,”

Incoming FaceTime: tani senpai <3

“Shit.!” Yn quickly sat up and answered with an apologetic face, “heeeey, what’s up?”

“You look cozy,” he eyed the tops of her shoulders with only her bra straps decorating them, “cozy enough to make a man stand outside for, hmm - what does my watch read - thirty minutes.”

Yn looked thoroughly confused as she cocked her head to the side and fell back, “what does you standing outside of some random building have to do with me?”

“Did you really —,” she watched the man shift and bring her golden chain into view, “you were supposed to meet me tonight in order to get your precious necklace back. You stood me up and now I look like a fucking idiot who got stood up.” He deadpanned into the camera and had a small pout, “you had all the guys laughin at me, darlin. You really disappointed me.” Yn felt her heart slowly tear; she hated disappointing anyone. “If you were going to show up you could have at least said so.” Just as she was about to speak, Ran hung up and left her to wade in her thoughts.

—

You: Ran-senpai, I promise it was on accident ! I meant to tell you earlier, but it just slipped my mind (read 8:44 p.m.)

You: pls forgive me :,) I fell asleep as soon as we got off work and came home; draken-nii told me to rest up since I can’t go out so I figured I might as well (read 8:45 p.m.)

You: yk if you’re going to read my text, the least ya could do would be to respond. I said I’m sorry. (read 8:47 p.m.)

You: yer a fucking brat , man child who throws a fit and refuses to actually try and listen to others when they try to talk it out with you. (read 8:48 p.m.)

You: self made bitch. (read 8:50 p.m.)

You: yk what, fuck you. I tried to be nice to you and I actually enjoyed talking to you for what-? A week ? You’re mad because I can’t just do what I want? Sorry I’m a great sister who doesn’t want to make her brother worry. Sorry I don’t just abide and do as you please because I’m not a fucking sheep. Keep the necklace for all I care; I’ll just get a new one. Stupid cunt. (read 8:52 p.m.)

You: Fuck face. You probably just wanted to get in my pants and dip; fuck you. Leave me alone, if I see you on the street; I don’t give a fuck if I get shot or jumped, I’m gonna punch you in the throat, pussy ass bitch. (read 8:54 p.m.)

tani senpai <3: give me your address so I can drop this necklace off and get out of your life since you so desperately want me to.

You: no way in hell, just keep it.

tani senpai <3: if you don’t want it then I’ll just drop it off with your brother tomorrow.

You: you fucking —

You: ugh, fine, just drop the shit off and leave . [location] (read 8:59 p.m.)

—

With a knock at the Ryuguji’s front door, yn shrugged the jacket back on and checked through the peep hole. After noticing it was the infamous older brother of the Haitani duo, she quickly yanked him inside and made sure to lock the door quickly.

“You know drop offs don’t usually require the said delivery man to be in the house, correct?” He asked with a bored expression as his eyes scanned the small space. “‘S cute for someone with you and your brother’s income.”

“I only pulled you in because my neighbors like to talk about what goes on throughout everyone’s house,” she rolled her eyes and pulled in the strings of her sweater, “hurry up and give me the fucking necklace so you can leave.”

“I did all the work of coming here,” he brushed past her as he took off his shoes and made his way to sit on the couch, “the least you could do is offer me a drink or some food.” Ran laid back into the cushions and spread his long legs as he slowly turned his gaze to the TV, some random anime blasting in the background. “Well, if you don’t mind, a water will do.”

“Cute for someone with you and your brother’s income,” she mocked as mumbled under her breath and grabbed him a water bottle from the fridge, “here, your majesty.” she tossed it into his lap and stood in between his legs to block the tv and make him focus all of his attention onto her.

“To what do I owe you?”

“My necklace, home invader.”

“Take it off of me then,” he raised an eyebrow, “you didn’t expect me to do that as well did you?”

“Fine,” her shorts hiking up as she moved to straddle his hips, she took note that he had been eyeing her thighs since he arrived, “I’ll take off the stupid thing.” She buried her chin into the crook of his neck, “just sit still so I can -,”

“You know,” he flattened his palms against the bare tops her knees and barely sliding his finger tips up the rim of the pants, “you hiding more just makes me want to see you in less.”

“Heh,” she chuckled as she slowly wrapped her arms around the middle of his torso, “yer a fucking perv as well as a bastard.”

“You know your necklace isn’t dangling along my spine, right?” He chuckled as he gently kneaded her flesh, “am I making you uncomfortable?”

“Nah, feels nice,” she chuckles when she feels him gently dig his finger tips into her skin, “‘m makin you uncomfortable?”

“nah,” he jokingly mocked her as he took his hands and slid them farther up to the tops of he thigh, “boxers?” He pulled back slightly so he could rest his forehead on hers.

“mm, never really wanted to bother ken-nii when he did the laundry, so I just get boxers,” she laughed, “what? Did you honestly think I’d be chilling at home in a thong or something? Women gotta breathe too.” she felt her heartbeat pick up as his finger tips danced along the material; yn wondered if he could tell that she’s never had a boyfriend as she lacked - in takemichi’s words - ‘ettick.’

“You are respectful yet have anger issues, a smart mouth, and embody the term ‘I don’t give a fuck,” he swiftly took both hands from under the clothing and lightly placed them on either side of her face, “you are so fucking gorgeous, didya know that?” His rings were cold on her heated skin, making her smile softly.

“..you know,” yn laid a chaste kiss on the bonten’s left wrist, “… ‘msorry..”

“Couldn’t hear ya,” he chuckled deeply as he maneuvered his right hand at the back of her neck and squeezed lightly, “repeat it more clear this time. You wanna be a good girl, right? Be the best girl you can and repeat it.~”

“Motherfu-, AHEM,” she scrunched her face up in hopes of hiding how happy it made her to have a second chance at being a ‘good girl,’ “‘m sorry you don’t know how to communicate.”

“Ah ah ah,” he squeezed his right hand a little tighter, causing her to ground her hips down and lean forward into his chest, “that’s not what I want to hear.” she heard him groan, but she was too busy fighting the battle in her head as to why she felt more secure when he gripped her tighter.

“I said,” she nuzzled her nose between his lean pecs, “‘m sorry.” Yn got up and placed one of her hands at the base of the bonten tattoo and squeezed gently along his Adam’s apple, “I’m not saying it again, so you better have heard me the first time.”

“You’re so angry; a wolf under sheep’s clothes you are,” ran hummed as he leaned back in, noses brushing, “yer forgiven little lamb. I don’t know - you barking up the wrong tree knowing that I could hurt you just turns me —,”

BZZT, BING.

Both bodies had turned their heads towards the door in confusion.

“Are you expecting guests?”

“No,” yn quickly got off of Ran’s lap and grabbed the crowbar that rested by the umbrellas, “fuck, if it’s those fucking assholes that want to fight ken-nii, ‘m gonna kill em.” She went to look through the peep hole, only to be pulled back to the older man’s chest.

“Let me get it,” ran signaled for her to hide behind the kitchen wall as he pulled out his signature baton that hung on his belt loop, “be quiet, little one.” Ran opened the door to a young man, about a year or two older than yn, dressed in a pizza delivery uniform with 3 large boxes in his hand. If he wasn’t just some kid, the Haitani would’ve beat him just for openly sporting a scowl towards him.

“Oh, hi sir, are you,” the young man looked back at the receipt then back at the Bonten executive, “Kawata Souya? I have one pepperoni, Hawaiian, and plain cheese.” Ran’s head shot to the side at the sound of you rushing towards the door.

“A-ah ! That would be me I guess,” yn guided Ran’s hand behind her to hide the weapon as she widely opened the front door, “sorry my brother’s friend probably ordered it since they went out -,”

“Yn?”

“Huh,” she looked up at the man, “oh shit, hongo?! I thought you were in Osaka right now for Uni; you still play there, right?”

“Yeah,” the worker replied, “oh shit, this like.. a date or something?” He threw his glare at Ran and softened his features once his gaze returned back to the young ryuguji. “Nah, nevermind, that’d be dumb considering you swore off dating,” the bonten men felt as if his heart had been pricked with a small needle, “especially since you used to swear to draken we were gonna get married and stay together forever and ever.” Yn was visibly embarrassed as Ran watched her take the pizza from Hongo’s hands and start trying to kick him off the porch. “Wait, before I go,” he said as he jotted down his number on the receipt, “let me know when you’re free. Maybe ya could come see me play one of these days? Summer games start back up next week so I’ll be headin-,”

Ran pulled on yn’s wrist before slamming the door, interrupting Hongo’s spill. He made show of how hard he locked the door so anyone outside could hear that the house was closed and not expecting anymore visits.

“Ooo,” yn placed the pizzas down onto the small kitchen table and looped her arms around Ran’a slim waist, “are you upset yer not getting all the attention?” She giggled as she kissed the symbol that marked the center of his neck.

“Why would I be upset over some 4 incher maxed college boy,” he smirked as he brought his hand to the side of her face and let his thumb brush along her bottom lip, “plus, if anything he should be the one whose upset. You can’t hate me or push me away if you wanted to; your desire for me to show you the depths of the world is visible just by looking in your eyes.” Yn felt her breath quickening and her head going numb as his words made way into her; making her feel far more intoxicated than any alcohol or drug could have ever done. “You can try to deny it, but what sane person would invite one of the most violent people with the most blood on his hands into her home?”

“I’m the farthest thing from sane,” yn breathed out as she placed a chaste kiss onto his lips before burying her face under his chin, “because I find myself wanting to do this more. I’m so glad I don’t look where I’m going when I’m on my bike.” Ran laughed as he connected their lips, but this time he deepened the kiss; her knees gave out and his tongue slipped in making her lungs just as weak.

“Princess, youre fucking gorgeous,” he broke away before holding her in his strong arms, “but I don’t want to just ‘get in your pants.’ I want-,”

“Good, because im not easy,” she cut him off as she tried to catch her breath.

Ran laughed as he dragged her back to the couch, leaving her to fetch each of them two big slices of cheese pizza. He sat beside her, kissing her temple, and devouring the free meal, “yknow, this taste ten times better than any food at the shitty night club.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she said as she harshly swallowed the dough, “ish bad mannirs..”

“You,” he leaned in and kissed the sauces covered corners of her mouth, “also taste better than any food at the club.”

“Well you’ll have to wait until you can taste all of me,” catching ran off guard - she flirted back, “after all, the fruit taste better when ripened.”

—

“Princess,” Ran attempted to shake her tired figure off him, “believe me, I want to stay. I really do, but I don’t want to cause a stir or heated argument between you and your brother.”

“We we’re just playing Mario kart and you said,” yn stared up at him with an unimpressed glare, “I’d fuck you on the counter of the pizza place just to embarrass that pizza boy,’ and now you’re scared to be caught by my brother?”

“Not scared,” he bit the tip of her nose gently before freeing himself of her limbs, “just cautious. Want my little girl not to have any complications; plus, I’d have to kill your brother if he made you cry.”

“Wait,” she pulled his sleeve, gaining his attention, “text me when you get back home.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead before making his way out her front door, “okay, little lamb.”

—

Within the span of 4 hours, draken arrived back home and yn managed to make the house rid of any clues of guest over; she even masked the smell of Ran’s cologne by bringing the box of pizza to the living room to spread the smell of grease and regrets. She rested easy on the couch, allowing some random movie to lull her into the comfortable cushions.

draken sobered up a bit after he came back and went to get a late night snack from the kitchen. spotting his sister on the couch, he chuckled softly as he gently rubbed her forehead, “thanks for bein a little angel, ya gremlin.”

it’s as if the gods above could sense draken’s obliviousness and caused yns to vibrate several times. Much to her brother’s curiosity, he checked the notifications and felt his blood boil.

—

tani senpai <3: hey, made it back home. hope you rest easy, princess. thnx. rin also says “thanks for allowing him to annoy you so I could catch a break

inui. : yn can we talk? I promise it’s not what you thought; idk what to say. Just remember, you’ll always be my favorite girl ..<3 lmk when you’re ready.

inui. : idk jus tseeing yuor brothr without you attached at the hip just made my stomak hurt, I wanna see you more.. maybe it’s because I’m drunk and finally thinking sobre, but yer awlays my fav

inui. : look, unsot having talked for like — a weakk? Has Ben eating me up, I really miss you. I’ll see you at the shop ? dream well, pretty girl.

takemitchy: BESTIE,, DONT FORGET YOU OWE ME A REMATCH BECAUSE YOU HAD YOUR BROTHER PUT ME IN A CHOKEHOLD SO YOU COULD CROSS THE FINISH LINE

takemitchy: wait, can you send me your brownie recipe ??? Hina loved them :,)

—

he didn’t know whether to be upset at the fact that there was some random “tani senpai” texting his sister and he didn’t know jack shit about them, or the fact one of his best friends was talking and drunk texting his sister. Nothing a beer and pizza can’t help.

After grabbing a full pizza box plus some beer and bringing it to his room, ken stared at his tv processing everything he just seen. Maybe this is just a dream? Maybe he’s so dizzy from the dancing and whiskey that he can’t seem to think straight? There’s just no way that his little sister would actually go for his friend; let alone, his friend returning the affection, right ? There’s absolutely no way that his sister would be letting random boys in the house. Nah, maybe he’s just scared of letting her go to university and growing up on him. This is all just a shitty nightmare.

“Whatever,” draken burped out as he took the cheap beer bottle to his lips, inhaling the last of the liquid, “heh, maybe it’s kisaki’s ghost hauntin my head with dumb thoughts.” He felt himself drifting to sleep, but stirred once he realized he almost forgot his nightly routine. Untucking the chain from his neck and pulling it towards his chapped lips, “g’night emma.”

Taglist: @richiyo @haitanigigi @chifuyusprincess @legravalice @l-ilysm @katariinasworld

[manicdepressivemom]

Some thoughts about bipolar episodes and memory loss

Last weekend I showed my husband a new song i found. I talked about how the featured artist did a little baby scream and it was so bad he shouldn't have bothered. Then pointed it out to my husband. And he goes,

"I give him credit for trying, but you know you've shown me this song before, right?"

I was incredulous, but he insisted I showed it to him "last year" and we listened to it a fair bit together. I sort of mumbled 'oh' and then went quiet for awhile.

During my last therapy session, we talked about memory loss and slowed cognition following episodes. I told her how everyone tries to comfort me by saying they don't notice or they feel the same way. But I noticed a significant impact following my first psychotic episode in 2011/2012.

Initially, this song situation worried me. Is he cheating and he'd actually listened to this song with her? That panic still creeps up at time, but I can fact check it pretty easily.

So then I go back to memory loss. I need to stress, I don't recognize this song at all. It is absolutely like I had never heard it before. It came out in 2020.

We finally really talked about it two nights ago, after I'd had time to process. I talked him through basically what I've said here and he said something like, "Well it kind of worries me. I'm not saying we listened to it all of the time, but we listened to it quite a bit for a while."

If I can so fully forget that, what else could I forget? My therapist tried to reassure me that I'm still recovering from my January manic episode. And I have noticed some improvement. I spent some time asking store workers to help me remember words midsentence.

Anyways. Point being. Cognitive decline due to episodes is a thing. It's a thing that I'm feeling and it scares me.

[crystalirises]

Um hi when your request are open I really enjoyed the fundy npc au could you do a bit of a continuation, like maybe alivebur is just dragging fundy into his mess at attempting to break dream out of prison. I'm perfectly fine if your not interested in it

Now. As I've said, I usually might not do requests or continuations when it comes to stuff I put in the "Brainrot Central" thing cause it's just full of fanfic stuff that entered my brain and I had to write down so it would leave.

However, the NPC Fundy AU has a special place in my heart. Mostly cause Fundy vibing on his own and not actually getting involved with the whole dsmp thing is nice. And yes, I am very much aware that taking out Fundy within the storyline would cause some stuff to be different. But essentially, all the major stuff that happened, still happened. It's only minor things that have changed. But otherwise, the same stuff still happened.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I'm adding the link of the ao3 here, but the story is also after the Keep Reading.

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31985884/chapters/81078352

The cottage had rotted beyond repair by the time he got home.

Wilbur had rushed to the front door, forgetting the bags of missed gifts that he’d brought with him. He flung the door open, the hinges so loose that the piece of wood slammed onto the wall before collapsing to the ground. He coughed at the cloud of the dust that flew right into his face.

“Fundy?! Fundy! I’m home!” Wilbur stepped into the house, “Fundy, papa’s home!”

There was no shout of joy, no hurried footsteps, no little boy that clung to his leg and demanded to know where Wilbur had been. He took a deep breath through clenched teeth, quelling the panic that had begun to bubble in his chest. His son was asleep, surely. He walked deeper into the house, frowning once he realized how utterly devoid the house was of furniture. Portraits had been torn off the walls, wooden chairs had been smashed against the floor, and there were random patches of black on the stone floor - almost like someone had set a fire on them. Wilbur quietly headed towards his son’s bedroom, finding the door open and the bed completely empty.

Wilbur staggered back. His son had to be somewhere nearby. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep himself from falling into hysterics. Fundy had to be nearby. He had to be.

At some point, Wilbur found himself wandering over to the living room.

He found the letter on the table, his hands shaking while he reached to pick it up.

Wilbur could only read the first and second lines before his knees buckled underneath him, his breath picking up. A god. A god. A god had taken his son. His hand clenched around the paper, his heart breaking once he realized that the paper itself looked a year old. Wilbur was only glad that it hadn’t been a day old. He laughed at the thought of that misery. Imagine finally coming home, only to realize that you were late for one day. That he could have stopped his son from leaving if he’d just been a day earlier. Then again, what did it matter? One day. One week. One month. One year. One hour. One minute. One second. He was late. Wilbur had been late to come home. He broke his promise. He should have been there for his son. He’d been gone for six years. Six long years. His baby wouldn’t even be a baby anymore. He’d be… He’d be fourteen.

His sadness melted into anger. The gods have been a menace to his life, and now one has taken his son. It wasn’t enough that they’d trapped him in their barbaric world. They took his son too. He’d promised himself to live for his son. That no matter what the gods threw at him, he would not kneel to their whims. Schlatt had called him insane, that he was better off resigning himself to a pitiful life within the gods’ realm, a puppet whose purpose was to entertain them. Schlatt had nothing to live for anyway, except his alcohol. He didn’t know what it was like to be a father.

Six years. Six years of torture, of trials, of fucking betrayals. And all so he could return home to a ruined house and a missing son. The paper crumpled in his hold, forcing him to snap back to reality. It had been a short letter, written in the messy and hurried handwriting of a child. Wilbur traced what his son had scribbled out, ‘I’ll always I love Love you.’ His poor little baby.

Did Fundy think papa had abandoned him? He pressed the letter against his chest, remembering the day he’d left his son alone. It had been the first time he’d left his son alone in the house. It was supposed to be a quick trip to the village. Wilbur hadn’t known that the gods would whisk him away to a world where he would continually fight for his life, his son’s memory the only reason that he kept fighting for his survival. Now, his son was gone, whisked away by a god.

Wilbur didn’t know which god had taken his son. But he knew one person who would know.

He placed the letter inside the pocket of his pants, hesitating for a moment before letting go. Wilbur wouldn’t need to keep holding onto a piece of paper forever. He’ll find his son. He headed out of the cabin, pausing at the doorway while a memory flashed in his mind. The day he left, he crouched down so that he could be level with his son. Fundy had pouted at him, scared that his papa wouldn’t come back. Wilbur had chuckled, patting his son’s head before ruffling his hair. He had promised to be back, promised that he’d make Fundy’s favorite pancakes for dinner. Fundy had been so excited, tail wagging behind him while he told Wilbur to come home quickly. His hands shook, but Wilbur forced himself to move out of the rotting house. He had to leave.

He picked up the bags, glancing down at the toys that he’d brought with him. He had missed so many birthdays and so many Christmases. Wilbur picked a fox plushie among the pile of toys, pressing it close to his chest. Fundy would have been so happy to get so many toys. Tears began to fall down his cheeks. Fundy would get the toys, he’d make sure of it. He’ll get his son back. He’ll get his little champion back. Wilbur didn’t glance back at the house, it didn’t matter to him.

Wilbur could only hope that Phil would be able to help him.

---

General Wilbur Soot was content to stay like this forever…

A soft smile graced his lips, a hand reaching up to ruffle Fundy’s hair.

It didn’t matter to him that Fundy was pretending to not know him. All that mattered was that he’d found his little champion again. This was his second visit of the week, and though his son was jittery about his presence, Fundy had quickly warmed up at the promise of pancakes. Now here they were, in the kitchen that Fundy’s den had. Wilbur would have preferred that Fundy stay near him, that his son be safe and happy within L’Manburg. If Wilbur had to be honest, he had been hurt when his son immediately declined his offer. Then he realized why Fundy had done so.

His little champion had always been so smart. Wilbur leaned back against his seat, glancing over at the bag of toys that he’d left on the couch. Fundy had been confused by the gifts, but he hadn’t complained when Wilbur insisted that they were for him. His poor son. He hadn’t gotten a proper gift in so many years. Well, it didn’t matter now. His papa was finally back, and Wilbur would always make sure that Fundy was content and happy. He’d have to bring Fundy more food soon.

…but first, he had a war to win.

---

President Wilbur Soot knew he couldn’t let his emotions take control of him…

He watched his son run off, the fox hybrid scampering away before Wilbur could ask - demand - why Fundy didn’t want to stay in L’Manburg. Dread and betrayal stung his chest, but he quickly pushed them away. He supported and understood why Fundy didn’t want to stay with his papa.

His little champion thought his papa had abandoned him.

Wilbur sighed, turning his attention towards the blackstone walls that were built for his son.

…for he had a nation to run. But that didn’t mean that his emotions weren’t ripping at the seams.

---

The exiled ex-president Wilbur Soot had no more dreams for the future…

He laid in his father’s arms, the piercing pain in his chest turning numb while blood ran down his mouth. He could feel his father’s hand on him, pushing against the bleeding while he muttered a repeated prayer of ‘no’s.’ He shouldn’t laugh. He knew that. But he couldn’t help the weak giggling that slipped past his lips. He knew what it felt like to lose a son, why was he giving his own father the pain he felt? He shook his head, because he was a selfish bastard, that’s why.

Phil was muttering his name, begging him not to close his eyes. Wilbur closed his eyes. In his last moments, he wanted the world to melt away. He wanted it all to fade away. Wilbur basked in the darkness of near death. There was no L’Manburg. There was no Manburg. There was no Dream. There was no Schlatt. He floated in a black abyss, alone and silent. He felt his hold on the waking world begin to slip, and in the darkness, he could hear his father beg him to open his eyes. Wilbur chose death. It was time for him to leave this cruel mortal realm, for good this time.

His little cha— Fundy would be happier once Wilbur was dead.

… he’d already lost everything in the past anyway.

---

Ghostbur draped a warm blanket around his sleeping son.

They’d had a tiresome day. His little champion needed all the rest that he could get.

Ghostbur… well, he didn’t need any sleep!

He was more content to sit by his son’s side.

He’d make sure Fundy was safe and happy. Ghostbur will chase away all the nightmares.

---

The newly revived Wilbur Soot was very happy to be with his little champion again.

Sure, he wasn’t all too pleased to leave Fundy on his lonesome by the time they reached the prison, but it had been a quick prison break. Never underestimate a father who was in a hurry.

The warden never stood a chance.

Wilbur hummed along while Dream followed after him, his reluctant ally flinching the moment sunlight touched his pale and scarred skin. He didn’t quite wait for Dream, itching to get back to his son. Fundy could be so… He could be so… adventurous. By the time he and Dream returned to where Fundy was, his son was sitting underneath an oak tree, knees pressed to his chest while he stared off into the distance. Wilbur chuckled, the noise snapping Fundy awake from whatever reverie he had been in. He reached down a hand to pull his son to a stand, the fox hybrid pausing before reluctantly reaching out. His son stood up, then shrieked when he finally saw Dream.

“Now, Fundy, it’s rude to scream at others. Be nice, little champion.” Honestly, Wilbur was in limbo for only thirteen years (one year, apparently, in the mortal realm) and already his son had lost any form of manners. Then again, Ghostbur wasn’t much of a father. He had to control himself from thinking about the ghost of his old self, the same man who chose to leave his eight-year-old son alone. The same man who had taken so long to escape from the god’s grasps. He had been a weak man back then, but now he was strong enough to care for his son. He was just… eight years late. He glanced over at his son, the fox hybrid having hidden behind Wilbur’s back. Oh, well, his little champion had always been a bit too shy. Wilbur grinned, gesturing between Dream and Fundy. “Dream, this is my son Fundy. Fundy, this is Dream. He’s a friend.”

“I know who he is!” Fundy snapped. Wilbur frowned, his son was never this… snappy.

“Dream, if you excuse us for one moment. I have to speak with my son, you would understa— No, wait you wouldn’t. Sorry, forgot you were terrible with children.” The masked (well, he wasn’t wearing a mask now, and Wilbur refrained from laughing at the poor man’s plight) man didn’t say anything. He never even looked at Fundy. Good. Wilbur didn’t want Dream near his son anyway, even if they were allies. He led Fundy further away, a hand resting on his back. Fundy’s eyes were skittish, looking here and there almost like he was preparing to run. Wilbur held onto his son’s arm, pausing once they were far enough away from Dream, “Little champion, what’s wrong? Are you upset? I know it’s a lot, but I assure you, Fundy, Dream is a good ally—”

“Friends?” Fundy shook his head, disbelief in his eyes. “S-since when?”

“Dream brought me back to life, little champion.” Wilbur ruffled his son’s hair, the fox hybrid flinching before backing off. He tried not to take offense to that. “He’s the reason I’m here now.”

“... Where’s Ghostbur?”

“Does it matter? I’m here. Who cares about the ghost of a man long since dead?” He grasped his son’s shoulders, ignoring the frightened look in his eyes. Ghostbur had been a pitiful replacement of who he had been, but he had to thank the ghost. Ghostbur had spent a lot of time with Fundy, and had realized that Fundy… didn’t even know who Wilbur actually was. “I’m here now, son.”

“Stop calling me that.” Fundy muttered underneath his breath, eyes cast low to the ground. The sadness in his son’s look pulled at Wilbur’s heartstrings. “I’m not your son. You’re confused—”

“It’s alright, Fundy. We’ll get your memories back, papa promises you that.”

He pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead. Fundy winced, but didn’t make a move to run away. If anything, a bright shine seemed to appear in his eyes at the promise. Wilbur grinned, of course Fundy would want to remember. His little champion would want to remember… But then… Wilbur frowned. Did he really want Fundy to remember the pain of his lonely childhood?

He held his son’s hand in his - still so small. They’d cross that bridge when they got to it.

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Wilbur @ Dream: No, wait you wouldn’t. Sorry, forgot you were terrible with children.

Fundy, who is literally 21-years-old: 🧍

Also:

Me: you can't make Fundy's hands smol, he's a pianist >:( are you making his life miserable? Also me: Not in this world :p Me: aight seems legit