#but I fear I will have to go to school on Monday a complete wreck

[intofolkloreee13]

The sunshine court is still not available in my country on Amazon soo I’m anxiously waiting for it to be released on Apple Books…

Everyone who has read it, how much does it hurt on a scale from one to ten?

[btswishes]

Love me for who I am now

Bucky x Reader ( Chapter 1 )

Part1 / Next 

Summary: You apply for the Stark internship and end up getting it, so now you have 5 months to make a good impression to continue working with the Avengers.

A/N: This is my first Marvel fic and I am taking it as a challenge. It is opposite of what my account was made, but here I go. Sorry for any mistakes made, hope you enjoy it even a tiny bit.

Word count:  3,281

Warmings: fights, harsh language, not part of the original MCU 

Y/N- Your name Y/L/N:  Your Last Name

                                   --------------------------------------

  Through sleepless nights and dark circles, books and pens, through months of work you reached your goal. The moment you received the acceptance letter from Stark University you almost flew out the window without a fear in your mind. This was it!

  Time had passed since that moment, but it is still engraved in your mind- a memory keeping you strong during the hard midterms and piles of work, even the small glimmers of regret. Trying your best wasn’t an option, you could do only that and no less. It was no easy task, lost social life as much as you tried to keep it. You were really lucky you had good friends that understood and supported you. University wasn’t easy for anyone making this one even tougher. People of all ages, backgrounds and cultures were piled up with you in this building. The best of the best as the slogan said, the ones that proved themselves and emerged victorious.

  When you were young ,you used to spend a lot of time with your uncle at his places outside the country. He would introduce you to his work colleagues and things you had never seen before. There was a time where you would spend months on end with him. Not many memories were left from those moments in your head. At one point you spend a few years with him, your mother thought it would be good experience for you and it turned out to be nothing but the truth-at least you hoped so. You learned a lot from him and his friends, it felt like each spend day would offer you more knowledge in areas you never knew of. Computer work, ways of thinking and so much more that had become second nature to you.

  The sky was tinted in a wash of oranges, reds and yellows bleeding one into the other, swirling around the sun emitting them. The day was ending, but you found yourself filling up an application in the library, covered by the silence and smell of exam worry.

  Sponsored and founded by the one and only Tony Stark, this establishment offered an internship. Being part of the Avengers, Tony didn’t let just anyone from the students attending in, even if they were the best labeled by the school. It had been a year and a half since you started pushing yourself harder to be able to apply and there was nothing that could stop you. Pressing your finger over the enter button was very nerve wrecking yet simple. Even if it didn’t work out this year, you planned to do it again and again ,till he had no other choice but give you a chance.

  Usually F.R.I.D.A.Y. went over everything and left only the applications worth going over by Tony himself or Pepper. The next 5 weeks for you were very stressful, but there was nothing more you could do but wait and focus on your own work. The first person you wanted to tell about this was your uncle. He went to work in some distant place where they had no internet so you switched to mail. Not as much paper under his name passed through your hands, as he had stopped answering you. You missed him, but the muddy childhood memories kind of compensated for that.

“Did you send it in?” the phone muffled a bit the sweet voice coming from the speaker 

“Yeah, a few days ago actually.” You answered with a gentle sigh

“And no answer yet?” the girl’s pitch rose at the end of the sentence, amazed at that what she just heard

“I know, I know. Think about it though Nea. Who knows how many applications get submitted. Someone has to brush through them after all.” defending the situation was a form of coping for you, made you feel hopeful.

“So you are trying to tell me Tony Stark’s interface or whatever it’s called, can’t sort them out in a couple of hours? Come on Y/N! You and I both know you are trying to make yourself feel better.” The small pause made you anxious over what Nea said “Listen.” A breathy start of the sentence “ I don’t mean to brag, but I think I am one of the people who know exactly how much you deserve this. You were never the studious type, plus that you were gone for years on end with that mysterious uncle of yours. I never expected you to suddenly go for Stark University. Your dream changed you, from this quiet kid to crazy ol’ you right now on the call with me.I ain’t letting you bust yourself up over this just because it didn’t happen the first time around-”

                Ding ding

  Nea’s deep speech was cut off before she could unleash herself completely, by the slight ring of your phone’s notification.

“Who tf has the audacity to text while the great me is giving this legendary –“

                Ding!

  The second time the sound sung out made her choke up with anger, you could almost see the fumes coming out of the phone.

“WHO IS IT!” a loud hiss pierced your ear

“Maybe if you gave me a minute I could answer your question.” Pulling the call down, your finger ran over the screen to the email, making your notification lamp blink like a car. Almost instantly it opened before your eyes and you gasped. The action made you swallow suddenly and cough out a bit ,giving poor Nea an idea about the level of shock you were in.

“What?What? You can’t just almost die and not tell me what is going on.” She proceeded with a not so tasteful interrogation.

“I-…they accepted my application…” at the end a small smile flowed over your lips contorting the sound coming out

“Stop!?” she choked up as well “You gotta be fucking with me!? No fucking way this is real!”

“I am honest. It says here that they liked my skill set, my grades and the way of thinking I presented in my essay. I got the spot Nea! I fucking did it!” you threw the phone on the bed letting it bounce as you started dancing.

“Of course you did! I told you! You will be working with THE AVENGERSSSS!” at some point it sounded like your best friend was more excited than you “When do you start?”

“Well…” taking a second to calm down and re-establish contact with your phone, you looked up the schedule that came attached with the email “…ok…so it says here that I will be starting on Monday so~ in 2 days? “

“So soon! Any requirements for the job miss Avenger’s sidekick?” and the teasing begins

“A list, surprisingly.” Rolling onto your back, you held the screen away and above your face, scrolling past “ I guess my first job will be with Dr. Banner in the lab. Apparently I will be given some sort of assignments throughout the 5 months work span. I will be monitored by Dr. Bruce Banner and the grading, I guess if you can call It that ,will be done by Tony Stark himself.”

“Basically Hulk will be your babysitter.” once this girl starts teasing she never stops even in amazing situations such as this one, good thing you loved her “That sounds so cool though! You will be able to meet Captain America and Black Widow~! I am so jelly of you I swear! When you leave work make sure to wait for someone from the group to walk by, omgggg I am fangirling so much right now.What if you go to dinners with them!?AAAAA!”

“Fun thing about that.” Your eyes landed on the last paragraph of the email “It says here that I am supposed to move into the compound and stay there till further notice. The whole idea is that if I do things well I will get a permanent job. Weird…” you hummed

“Weird !? How? That is so cool! Who knows you might even become an Avenger! You will be living with them anyways.” at this point Nea was either not breathing or hyperventilating so fast you couldn’t hear it

“Don’t be ridiculous.” your attention landed once more on the thought process you had a moment ago “I don’t get one thing. They say here that my PE grades combined with my IT and overall studies make me a great candidate, but I don’t remember sports being a requirement at all, or even providing them in the first place. Does it mean that if my grades were low in that department I wouldn’t have gotten the spot?”

“I guess people of science aren’t that flexible. Who cares anyways! You got in, no ifs and buts. I am telling you, at this point you could be an Avenger.” poor girl began thinking of names and suit designs for you “ Hurry up and pack those bags before I drop by with take away, so we can gossip over Steve Rogers’s abs.”

“Um…don’t get me wrong he is super hot, I just see the Cap more like an older brother figure than anything.” It was true, you looked up to him since the first time you studied about the Civil War. Fearless, gave his life in a way for his people, astonishing man over all.

“Hey! Let me drool over him! You were always more of a Winter Soldier fan anyways.” Nea pouted audibly . Her words made some lone memory pop up in your head, but it was as murky as the rest. “I don’t know why I am interested in him. Somehow his look is very nostalgic and rugged. Anyways. ”you shook your head out of the mental image of the soldier “I will go pack up, tell my parents and fix up all my documents. Probably find some stuff from former Stark employees online. I want to have a bit of an idea of what he expects and what I am getting myself into.”

“Fine fine, you could have just said you like troubled guys. You were the one who was happy Loki got a second chance after all. I will be over in like 3 hours.” She informed you

“Hey! He deserved to redeem himself, he was used!” a firm Loki supporter as always “Ok then, see ya.”

   Hanging up the call you placed your phone to charge and rolled off your bed. The email gave vague information about what you needed, but clothing wise you would still be able to come home and get stuff if you had to. What was on top of your priorities were papers, documents, all your research materials and tech. Those things had to be organized no matter what ,since they got you this far in the first place.

  Nae came over as planned and you two had a nice sleepover talking about you know who. The night came and left, letting the morning find you in your bed at 11am. Your forearm rested on top of your forehead in a relaxed manner, letting enough space for an exhale to linger in the air in front of you. Your mind was going over everything that was about to happen to you. It was one of your dreams, you worked for it nonstop day in day out, so why were you so worried about meeting the rest of the Avengers? Maybe it was just anxiety or fear of the unknown, yeah made sense.

  All you did during the day was make lists for every piece of tech you were binging with yourself. Things seemed to be in order, but worry kept nibbling on your bones. The moment of truth finally rolled up and so did your suitcase in front of your house. Nea came to send you off as she promised.

“Sweetie, make sure to call us every day. Eat well, don’t overwork yourself and-“ your mom went off with caution about anything and everything that came to mind

“Mom, you know I am going 3 blocks down from here right? Plus I can come home at any time I want to. I am not moving to Mars or getting arrested.” You smirked the panic away from her, giving them a big hug.

“Call me or text me when you get there.” Nea pulled you in, whispering in your ear as quietly as possible “And don’t forget to sneak me a booty pick of good ol’Cap. You know what they say-”

“That is America’s ass.” Your voice came out in a mocking tone

“That i-…let me at least finish it by myself! Geez!” she pushed you towards the door “Ok ok, go now before you spoil me something else” her arms crossed in front of her chest

  The walk wasn’t that long, you were too invested in your own thoughts to notice when the time and distance had passed. The glistening windows of the compound building shined into your eyes. Your lungs filled up with a breath that they kept in for a moment, before releasing it back in the outside world. Pulling out the documents you stepped in. The fresh smelling air hit you making you close one eye for a second.

People were walking around you fast and concentrated. Some looked in a hurry, others were on break with a cup of coffee and a strain-leaving expression.

 Your feet, as slightly shaky as they were, took you right up to the front desk were a lady with a dark rich red colored uniform looked at you. She flashed a professional smile, her eyes asking for your purpose.

“Um, hello. My name is Y/N -Y/L/N.” she saw the logo on your papers and gasped

“You must be the new intern Mr. Stark told us about.” She signed something and reached out “Can you give me your hand for a second.” Your fingers didn’t go past the surface of the desk when she pocked your skin. Pulling in your extremity, your palm wrapped around the spot that began to sting a bit “Don’t worry about it. This is your identification pass. Fancy, no?” she smiled winking. Her body stood up as she pointed at the elevator far in the back of the foyer.

  Instructions were given with each step of the way, calming your nerves a bit. The moment you found yourself inside the elevator she pulled your hand to the sensor on the wall next to the buttons.

Recognized: Code 2514. Welcome Miss Y/N  

 Your head shot up when F.R.I.D.Y.’s voice echoed in the small space. The women smiled giving you a small nod and stepped out of the vicinity. Once her body was outside ,the doors slid closed. Over them glowed a protective blue light layering over the material like a soft veil.

 It felt like you weren’t moving an inch. Your body flinched when the sun stung at your eyes from the window. Your gaze landed over the view of the city, as you went higher and higher, ascending into the clouds  The blues and yellows were covering the inside of the elevator, such vibrant and lovely colors warming your body. For a moment your heart felt heavy- lost memory tugged onto it again. An often occurrence lately, yet you kept brushing off as deja vu. 

Floor 134. Welcome to the Avenger’s compound Miss Y/N

“134!?” the numbers cracked out with your voice. The interface made you turn towards the opposite opening doors revealing a room as big as a hall, if not almost a stadium. The ceiling was high being the lid to this round area. Your heart beat increased pumping blood to your body, dilating your pupils at least twice their original size. It look amazing, almost like you had just entered heaven. The walls were white, the furniture was perfectly placed and cream colored. Stepping outside you jumped at the sound of the elevator doors closing behind you. 

“Wow” escaped your lips, your hand pulling the suitcase closer. So this was the common room or the shared space. The windows were so big they were practically a wall of their own. The bright rays were making themselves at home giving the white paint a new color with each passing minute. The ceilings were probably the equivalent of 3 floors in height. There was this weird feeling of home inside, a bit of isolation maybe mixed in. 

“Miss Y/N?” your head swung to the side when you recognized that shy but bright smile. Throwing the papers on top of your suitcase, you extended your arm at the man.

“Ah.” Good thing your mind automatically responds politely to people without you giving it much thought “Dr. Banner. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance.” you shook his hand gently a couple of times and let go ,finding the papers and showing them to him “My name is Y/N-Y/L/N.” gentle bow and a smile followed the words skillfully chosen

“Welcome Welcome. Tony is out right now so I might be the only one actively walking around the compound. Well…”he scratched the back of his neck, lightly hunching over with a sheepish smile “I am one of the people you will be working under anyways, so I guess it is good that I came to get you. I would love to show you the lab, but I am sure you would like to set up your things first.” You nodded and he showed you to your room. The corridor had 3 tall doors scattered on the walls, all looking modern and elegant.

“This is the side where usually we have our female members. Natasha and Wanda will be your nextdoor neighbors. Hope it won’t be any trouble.” Bruce looked at you ,when an aggressive shake took over your neck

“No, no. Not at all sir. I am very grateful to have such amazing heroes next to me. As a matter of fact won’t they be troubled with me here?” and here came the normal anxiety that you had for everything

“I am sure they will like you. Don’t worry about it.” Bruce stepped next to the door and waved you over “You don’t have a key or a door handle as a matter of fact. Tony’s idea, don’t ask. If you got up here on your own I assume he made the girls downstairs give you an identification implant. That is basically your entrance for everything here. Kind of an Avengers thing.” You nodded and him wiggling his fingers like a spell. Placing your hand on the door like he told you activated F.R.I.D.A.Y.

Recognized: Y/N. Access and ownership granted.

  The metal frame slid open and you found yourself standing before a big room. It was nicely furnished. The desk was big enough for you to work on it and have everything around. Bookshelves empty and ready to be used on your left and a large bed on your right flush against the wall. The window was once more its own wall right in front of you standing behind the desk. The bathroom door was opening a space before the shelf the same color as the paint in the common room.

“I will let you set up. If you need anything F.R.I.D.A.Y. is always here. The room is interactive, you can ask exactly what works under the interface’s control. The door is one.Take your time.”he was on his way out “Would you like some coffee or tea?”

“I would like some tea, thank you very much.” Bruce flashed you a smile “F.R.I.D.A.Y. the door please.”

Door closed 

  Done as said and requested, clicking behind you. 

Would you like an extensive list of my functions as an assistant?

“Please do.”

[tuellertrails]

Why the PCT?

When I was 18, my coworker and I traded books for fun. I don’t even remember what book I gave her, but she gave me a copy of Wild by Cheryl Strayed, about a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail in the 90′s. I loved the book because not only was it about this great adventure of the solitary trek that she took, but it was also a story of healing, a search for meaning and the strength to move forward after losing someone that she loved.

The author lost her mom to cancer when she was 18 or 19 years old, and it came on very suddenly. Within a month of being diagnosed, her mom had died, and the suddenness of the event really wrecked her and her siblings and step father. For years afterwards, she struggled with a drug and a sex addiction, got married and divorced, and just felt lost (The quoted sections ahead are all shared from her book).

“I was a terrible believer in things, but I was also a terrible nonbeliever in things. I was as searching as I was skeptical. I didn't know where to put my faith, or if there was such a place, or even what the word faith meant, in all of it's complexity. Everything seemed to be possibly potent and possibly fake.” 

Randomly, she comes across a guidebook all about the PCT, and on a whim decides that she needs to do something different with her life. So she sells everything that she owns, goes to REI and buys a bunch of backpacking gear, and sets out to hike this trail with absolutely no backpacking experience. At the beginning her pack was so heavy that she called it “Monster” and could barely lift it. But she set out and hiked 1,100 miles in 94 days, reading, journaling and taking in this brutally hard experience. She conquered her fears and achieved this incredible thing that most people don’t even imagine doing. 

“Fear begets fear. Power begets power. I willed myself to beget power. And it wasn't long before I actually wasn't afraid.”

It was this incredible journey that she undertook that actually helped her move on with her life and deal with her Mom’s death, perhaps in a way that almost nothing else could have. I loved it. It’s an incredible story with so much beauty and wisdom, and it inspired me like nothing else ever has. After reading it, I knew that I wanted to have my own experience and hike the PCT for myself.

“I had diverged, digressed, wandered, and become wild. I didn't embrace the word as my new name because it defined negative aspects of my circumstances or life, but because even in my darkest days—those very days in which I was naming myself—I saw the power of the darkness. Saw that, in fact, I had strayed and that I was a stray and that from the wild places my straying had brought me, I knew things I couldn't have known before.”

I had briefly mentioned this “wild” ambition to Landon, but we didn’t start seriously talking about it until Spring of 2018 when I was finishing up nursing school. I told Landon that before we had kids, i wanted to hike the PCT. Always down for an adventure (especially of the outdoor variety) and being the supportive husband that he is, he enthusiastically replied “Ok, lets do it!”

So we sat down and started researching what it would take to turn this dream into a reality. We watched Youtube videos (we reccommend Darwin on The Trail and Homemade Wanderlust) and read blog posts of hikers who had hiked the trail. We looked up all of the different options for backpacking gear and decided which pieces we wanted for our own kits, and opened up a savings account to start socking away money for the excursion.

Our original plan was to hike in 2020, and though we had saved up enough money and had all of our gear, we ended up cancelling our thru hike that year due to the Covid-19 Pandemic. Things were very uncertain in April of 2020, and many of the small communities that are along the PCT came out with statements asking for hikers to please cancel their hikes to eliminate the spread of the virus, especially in those trail communities whose residents are primarily elderly and do not have access to much healthcare close by. Shortly after, the Pacfiic Crest Trail Association also came out with a statement parroting the same sentiments and asking hikers to respect the wishes of the trail communities and please cancel their hikes, which the majority of hikers did. Even though we were bummed, we felt like cancelling our thru hike was the right thing to do, and we were able to spend a lot of time doing self supported backpacking trips that summer and continue practicing on those trips and dialing in our gear choices.

Fortunately for us, we have one more window of opportunity to hike the PCT this year in 2021. Landon is in between his Bachelor’s and Master’s degree programs, and doesn’t have any obligations until Fall semester of this year, at which point we anticipate him having to leave the trail a little bit early to go to graduate school in Colorado, where I will join him shortly after completing the trail. I have been working as a travel nurse over the last year and completed my most recent assignment in March, which gave us about a month to travel home, see our friends and family, pack up for grad school, and prepare our resupply boxes for the trail this year. We are both very fortunate to have received both doses of the Pfizer vaccine and we are feeling much more optimistic about the safety of hiking the PCT this year, though we will still continue to wear masks in towns. As I write this, I’m sitting at the table in Landon’s Aunt and Uncle’s house in San Diego, where we’ve been resting for a week before we start our thru hike on Monday, April 19th (they’ve been kind enough to host us while Landon recovers from running 62 miles from his latest ultra marathon endeavor).

We are so happy to finally be taking this journey together and to be realizing a goal and a dream of mine for the past 10 years! It’s going to be an amazing adventure and we can’t wait to start. I’ll be posting here at least once a week writing about our experiences, and Landon might be convinced to write an occasional post here too. Feel free to comment below or ask us any questions at the bottom of this post! And thanks for reading and supporting us. Just 2,653 miles to go!

[charlthotte]

Breaking Through the Iron Wall - Aone Takanobu x Reader

Chapter 13

I tried to brace myself for my mother's inherent rage as soon as the door parted from its frame - almost shivering with fear, I shuffled back into my own house - which was something the average person wasn't afraid of. I was close to cowering away.

But, of course - she wasn't there - she'd probably left for work without giving me a second thought, as usual. Normally, a child's closest bond is with their mother, but not me. I couldn't fully remember a time where she had actually been there for me. It was almost as if my dad was a single parent - single-handedly raising me where she took every opportunity to leave the house; alienating herself from myself and Dad.

However, just as he always was - Dad was sat at the dining table, ready with a humble breakfast - but the gesture of it making it seem like a decadent banquet. A bright, warm smile plastered itself upon his face when he saw me, like a dog seeing their owner for the first time in the while. "Hey, kiddo," he beamed, "how was last night?"

Taking the seat next to him at the table, I turned to him, ready to converse and partially unwind with him. "It was... Complicated to say the least. But I think that I helped someone yesterday." I stretched my arms out, looking up to the ceiling, releasing a large sigh as I did so.

"Oooh, do tell me more..." He jested, jiggling his eyebrows playfully.

"Well," I hesitated for a while, "you've probably guessed where I was, so I'll just say it straight. Aone came here yesterday and told me that his dog was sick. Then, I went to the vet's with him and they said that his dog had around a week to live. And... I feel absolutely terrible for him: he thinks that it's all his fault. I'm just so worried about him." I looked down at my lap, tears pricking my eyes.

"Come here, kiddo." Dad suspired, holding his arms out for a hug. I almost fell into him, letting my tears fall. "(Y/N), don't cry, you've been a great friend, a truly amazing friend. I'm really proud of you, kiddo." Clinging onto him tighter, I started sobbing much harder - to the point that I could hardly form sentences. "You should eat something, okay? Then, you can go to bed and lay there all day. You deserve some rest." Feebly, I nodded, unlatched myself from our hug, wiped my eyes and began to eat. I hadn't eaten since dinner the day before. And as always, Dad's cooking was immaculate.

---

After having my fill, I slowly slumped up the stairs. In the adjacent few minutes I'd changed into my pyjamas before flopping straight onto my bed, burying myself in the covers. Drifting off to sleep in a matter of minutes. The sleep was dreamless yet peaceful, and also rather refreshing. 

Arising as I heard a knock on my door, I rubbed my eyes - yawning as I did so. "Yeah?" I asked lethargically.

"Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?" Dad poked his head through the crack in the doorway, his face entertaining a warm yet goofy smile on his face.

"Mhm..." I hummed, sitting myself upright.

He sauntered into my room, plopping himself on the foot of my bed, "Are you feeling any better?" he inquired, letting his eyes wander around the posters and paintings on my walls.

"Just about," I replied, "I probably just needed some sleep." I too, let my eyes wander around my room, until they fell upon a photo frame of my parents and I - looking happy - a rare sight to see now. Dad seemed to notice me staring dejectedly at the picture, he piped up...

"About earlier..." rubbing his chin, he began to hesitate, "About your mum... I'm sorry that she left before you could even greet her."

"It doesn't matter," I acquiesced, "I'm used to it all by now."

"Oh kiddo, she's your mother, she should at least hold some conversation with you, let alone acknowledge your presence."

"I guess all families are different..." Flopping back onto my mattress - sighing.

"Maybe you should try and organise a little get together with her, once she gets out of work." He suggested, taking notice to my apparent apathy towards that conversation.

"But she's never not at work, though. She probably wouldn't even agree to it." Feeling alienated from my own mother, I sighed once again.

"Well... I'll see what I can do." He chirped, a mischievous grin rising on his cheeks, he had always had a certain penchant for scheming. Jumping up from my bed, he headed out of my room. But I didn't move until the pitter-patter of his feet on the stairs came to a halt.

I didn't care to move - only in a mood to lay on my bed, bundling myself in the covers again. 

---

I awoke again in the late afternoon, having seemingly fallen asleep yet again. But that time, I made the gut-wrenching decision to leave my room - for the downstairs.

Not bothering to change from my pyjamas, I slumped down the stairs and plonked my body straight onto the sofa, flicking on the television without caring to flick through the channels. Dinner went by as usual, just myself and Dad, sticking to the status quo. So did the night, sleeping a dreamless slumber, until it was time for school on Monday morning. Two days until the fated Tokyo trip.

I wasn't exactly excited for school that day, and surprisingly, neither was I excited for my overnight stay in the capital. As I trundled down to the station with my feet close to dragging behind me, a looming grey was cast over the sky - thrusting the atmosphere into a dreary aura of despondentness.

Drab air hung low, stagnant - the clouds threatened to release their lamentation - hurling it upon the earth. I walked as fast as I possibly could towards the station, holding a certain desire to shelter myself from the heavy weather before me. Once under the station shelter, the skies opened, pouring their woes onto the world before me, emptying their sorrows into the atmosphere.

Little before the scheduled time for the train's arrival - it came, chugging along the tracks steadily yet rapidly - coming to a stop right before my feet. Unusual for a Monday morning - the train had little to no passengers - as if our little town had morphed into one for ghosts. But to no surprise of mine, Aone sat in his usual seat - gazing out of the foggy window - casting a void glance to the pavement outside. His eyes were hollow, accompanied by hefty bags underneath them. Pallor more gaunt than normal, offering a truly despondent image to whoever let their gaze fall upon to that poor wreck.

He barely smiled as I seated myself beside him.

There was nothing.

He was truly empty.

Needing to distract him, I brought up a topic for conversation - it wasn't exactly light, though, "Did something happen?" I questioned, my voice close to breaking. However, he didn't respond - he simply shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with me. Burying his head further into his shoulders. I sighed, "Hey, I'm here now, you can tell me whatever is on your mind," Pausing, I gazed at the floor, "You do know that don't you?" Once again, rather than responding - he hummed in affirmation.

That boy was a wreck, I needed him to talk to me - I needed to let him breathe freely for once, "Please, talk to me, Takanobu. Please just tell me how you're doing" He simply sunk his head further down, as if he wished to dematerialise on the spot.

In between the cloth of his collar, he hummed a simple response, "Not good." He softly yet bluntly spoke. However, he finally turned towards me - his eyes beginning to prick with the spirits of tears - nothing fell down his cheeks. Offering me a 'grin' that was really a pained grimace. Succeeding that action, he swiftly brought my hand inside of his - endeavouring to find himself the smallest amount of comfort that he could muster.

Suddenly, I froze - my body perplexed by his abrupt action. I wasn't flustered - I was simply shocked.

Taking myself out of that reverie, I began another conversation, squeezing his palm lightly, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I left you yesterday. I shouldn't have done that - just look at you now - this could have all been avoided." Beginning to ramble and panic - my heart rate rose. Takanobu seemed to take notice of that and gave my digits a warm squeeze in return, before completely letting it go, letting the drab, coarse air run along my skin.

"No..." He averred, almost breathlessly, "Don't say that."

Subsequently, I too, hummed in affirmation, giving only the word 'Okay' as a reciprocation. But further after that, following several moments of comfortable silence, I enounced, "Don't be afraid of asking me for help, Takanobu. You know I'll always be there for you." Saying that was usually a promise which I never made, simply in trepidation of being unable to follow through with it. What if one day I wasn't present - and someone really needed me?

Just like every other time, he stayed silent - a comfortable silence - telling me that he had comprehended my assurances. 

For the rest of the journey, we remained marinating in the serene silence, not feeling a need for a soliloquy or verse. And during that time - Takanobu's eyes became warmer and fuller with life's essence than they were when I had first laid eyes on him that day. Even the leaden bags under his eyes had considerably lessened in their protuberance. 

Something about what I had avowed during those short and sweet moments of conversation seemed to have lit a miniscule spark in his soul, reminding him of the tiny rays of light that still shone upon this world. Maybe there was hope for that wreck of a human.

All remained in that sense until we entered the gates to the school, only to be bombarded by the all too familiar presence of Futakuchi sauntering towards me. Before either of us could greet him, he spoke up, "Sorry to bother the both of you, but may I steal their royal highness for a moment or two?" Bearing his infamous smirk, turning me away from Takanobu before I could object or comply. Leading me a mediocre distance away, before stopping completely, "Sooooo..." He began, "I heard about what you did at the weekend and I just want to tell you about my absolute gratitude about that. Your majesty, you truly treat your royal subjects stupendously." Turning me back around swiftly, he offered me no chance to reply - as if he had planned the entire conversation word for word. I began strolling back towards Takanobu, ready to start the day as soon as possible. "Now then, get back to your royal duties, your majesty." He really was idiosyncratic.

Every scheduled situation went by as passably as it should have been, each lesson bearing no differences or defining qualities compared to any other. Hiroko and Rea were as distinct as always, each of them the Ying to the other's Yang. An excitable puppy with a rather aloof feline. Even the weather beheld nothing remarkable.

The train ride and walk home also held no similarities, but not until a request materialised inside my mind, and unlike me - I released it unto the outside world immediately. "Hey, Takanobu - would you mind if I gave Shiro a visit?"

As usual he gave no demur, simply nodding in ratification - letting me follow him towards his home, towards his best friend whom had been fated to leave everyone earlier than he should have. 

Once the door stood ajar, a four-legged creature bounded towards us - his face scrunching up in pure delight, unaware of his dwindling clock. In an instant, Takanobu's face lit up considerably, the bags under his eyes completely disappearing - as if a miracle had arisen right in front of his eyes. Shiro howled, also enamoured with the sight of being reunited with his best friend. However, beside Shiro stood another figure, a woman - tall and plump - streaks of white running along her raven hair. Even though she had the traces of age running along her face, a youthful glow still exuded from her. Her mouth trailed from side to side in a permanent smile. Upon seeing me, her smile seemed to grow even wider. "Ah, hello. It's very nice to meet you, I'm Ejiri Aone, Takanobu's Aunt. My, aren't you a sight for sore eyes, my dear?" The effervescent woman beamed - striking her arms out for a hug, and without a warning - she scooped me up into the warmest hug I had felt for the longest of times.

"It's nice to meet you too, I'm (Y/N) (L/N) - you could call me a friend of Takanobu's." I giggled, demurely - as it took her several eons for her to release me from her vice.

"Nonsense!" Chuckling vigorously, she motioned for us to step inside, "Anyone that my Takanobu can trust is instantly a member of our family! So, would you like anything to drink, my dear?" Honestly, it surprised me that someone so outwardly convivial could be so closely related to Takanobu - someone whose insides were bound by his exterior. So much so, that he had somewhat lost jurisdiction over many aspects of his life.

"Just water if I may." I replied - heading over to the sofa where Shiro sat, wagging his tail in diluted ecstasy. His fur appeared to be more scarce than it was when I had last laid eyes on him - even if that was less than forty-eight hours before. That simply delineated how quickly he was falling in a downwards spiral. Not a single thing could stop him from doing so.

In less that a minute, Ejiri had brought me a glass of water, sitting down nest to me after she did so. “(Y/N), would you care to tell me about yourself?" She questioned, a genuine smile of reassurance stretched across her cheeks.

Taken aback, I answered, "Well... I used to live in a little town in Northern Hokkaido until recently. At first, Miyagi seemed strange and alien to me, but it's a welcoming place now. I can’t say that my life's interesting - I'm an only child and live with my Mother and Father. I'm the manager for the school's volleyball team, and other than that - there's nothing much to me." Expressing that was made me truly uncomfortable - talking about myself always seemed rather bizarre to me - especially to someone with whom I had recently met. However, there was something about Ejiri's aura that made her exude a sense of welcoming and enticement - calming those who were gifted with her presence.

Beaming back at me, her eyes softened, glazing over with a sheen of humanity and compassion, "You know, (Y/N) - I only moved back to Miyagi recently after spending just over thirty years abroad in Denmark - Ærøskøbing specifically. During that time - I've fostered close to fifteen children; each from a different side of the world. I wanted nothing more than to benefit them entirely - each one of them deserved the world. But, after moving back to Japan, I had to put that entire life behind me, for the sake of my family. And now, I am almost always at the hospital, working. It's not often that I can spend time with Takanobu, so it's consoling to know that there's someone there for him. You're a good kid, my dear." Her words took me by shock - how she had laid her life's discrepancies bare to me - even within an hour of meeting me. It was like she knew exactly what to say.

While I sat, playing with Shiro - Ejiri and I carried on conversation - simply chatting about whatever subject she could dream up, and it made me realise - how much I craved a loving mother figure. Ejiri worked tirelessly to provide for her nephew, still managing to scrape enough free time to spend time with him. Whereas, my mother worked relentlessly - never letting herself rest - but even when nothing occupied her - it seemed that she would go out of her way to avoid even looking at me. It hurt, terribly.

As soon as I knew it, nearly two hours had passed and I bid the three farewell. Meeting Ejiri certainly wasn't expected, however I couldn't complain about that escapade - in that little amount of time, her influence had cast an almost enlightening shadow over my life, as her welcomed me into hers completely. Takanobu was truly fortunate to have an Aunt like her, perhaps too fortunate...

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Seventeen

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

(All I have to say is, please don’t be mad at me.)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen

Masterpost

Sunday night you realized why you were so tired, you had caught a nasty cold somehow. You shewed Harry away in fear of getting him sick. With your day off Monday, you made a big pot of vegetable soup that would help you through the week. On top of that Monday night you got your period. You wondered why you didn’t just go on the type of birth control that made it so you didn’t get it at all. Being on the pill, it wasn’t even a real period. You insisted to Harry that you didn’t need him to take care of you while you were sick, as sweet as you thought it was.

Tuesday morning you contemplated calling out of work, but you somehow managed to make it in. You wanted to gossip with Niall about the weekend you had. You decided to wear your loosest pair of slacks with a blouse and a blazer to dress it up. You both had busy mornings crammed with meetings. At lunch you both decided to get out for a walk and fresh air.

“So, tell me all about New Hampshire.”

“It was perfect.” You sniffle. He hands you a tissue. “Thanks.”

“Other than catching a cold.” He chuckles.

“Yeah, other than that. The drive up was gorgeous, the foliage was incredible. We had a lazy night the first night. The next morning we got up and explored the property. There were a ton of walking trails.”

“Your pictures looked great. I especially liked the one of the two of you.” He nudged you with his elbow. “Can’t believe you got him to do that.”

“I know, he was a great sport. Then we had the most relaxing massages, followed by a mani/pedi.” Niall starts laughing. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s like he’s your girlfriend.”

“I think it’s incredibly sexy and manly that he takes care of his nails the way he does.”

“Sexy, huh?”

“Oh stop.” You nudge him. “Then we had dinner at the restaurant attached to the inn, it was so fancy. Oh! And our room had this giant tub Jacuzzi, it was amazing.”

“What did you guys do after dinner?” Niall is grinning at you.

“What did you hear?”

“Nothin’, believe it or not I haven’t had time to speak with him about your little weekend. Sarah and I took advantage of the long weekend ourselves.” He winks at you and you roll your eyes. “I’m seein’ him tonight actually.”

“Oh good!” You were happy they were still making time for each other.

“Give me the tea, let’s go.”

“Okay, okay. Well, I bought this like sexy nightgown to surprise him with.” He gasps sarcastically, making you giggle. “Then, um, well…” You blush.

“Oh just tell me, would you?”

“We did what we usually do, you know, he, um, used his mouth.”

“Mhm.”

“I told him I was ready to do a little more.”

“You let him.” Niall makes a hand gesture with his fingers.

“Jesus, Niall.” You look around to make sure no one on the street saw him. “Yes, but not like full on.”

“What do you mean?”

“I only let him use one finger. Well, even if I wanted him to use more, he wouldn’t have been able to it was so embarrassing.” Your face is beat red. “But, just him doing that on top of everything else, it was incredible, he made me feel so good.”

“That’s great, so you didn’t like feel scared or anything?”

“I was a nervous wreck, but he managed to relax me enough so I could enjoy it. And then I, um, returned the favor. For the first time, in a long time, I felt like my old self.” Niall nods along as you talk. “It’s still going to take me some time before I’m ready for more of him, but I think this was a really good step for me, for us.”

“When do you see Dr. Mara next?”

“Um, tonight actually. Is it weird that I’m excited to tell her what happened?”

“Not at all. You should be proud of the progress you’re making. You seem like yourself again, which I’m happy to see. Is Harry goin’ home with you next week?”

“Yup, just doing a day trip, but I’m glad he’s coming with.”

“Me too, I know how anxious you get.”

“I’m worried my dad is going to grill him.”

“He’ll be able to handle it, he’s great with parents.”

“You know how my dad is though.”

“True…it’ll be an interesting day for sure.”

//

Harry brings a case of beer over to Niall’s for their little guy’s night. Niall ordered Thai food for the two of them, and handed him a video game controller. It had been a while since they played FIFA.

“So, (y/n) said you two had a nice weekend.” Niall says giving the game a pause an hour after playing.

“Yeah, it was amazing.” Harry cracks open another beer. “She let me finger her.” He said bluntly, maybe a little buzzed from his third beer.

“You don’t say?” Niall was trying to be coy.

“Mhm, well, only with one finger, but she seemed to enjoy it. And then she gave me the best head I think I’ve ever had.” Niall nearly chokes on his beer. Harry starts laughing. “Sorry mate.”

“It’s fine, what did she do?”

“I don’t know, it was like, okay I was expecting her to basically curl up and be shy right after I did it to her, but it was like, I can’t even describe it. She became this really confident person and took complete control.”

“Sounds about right.”

“How would you know?”

“I’m dating her best friend, I’ve heard a thing or two. Please, continue.”

“She just took it, better than any other time, and when I came, she kept suckin’ on me.”

“Oh, I love when they do that.”

“Right? She had told me she was gonna do it too, she was like I’m gonna suck ya dry, and she fuckin’ did. I couldn’t believe it.”

“She said that to you!? Jesus, Sarah like refuses to talk dirty.”

“I’m surprised by that.”

“She’s great in bed, believe me, but she just won’t do it. I’ve tried to get her to, but I think it makes her nervous or something.”

“What does she like?”

“Well, she certainly likes when I talk to her, that’s for sure.” Niall laughs. “She likes that I take good care of her.” He clinks his bottle with Harry’s. “Thank god for watermelon.”

“Thank god for watermelon.” He takes a swig of his beer. “What can I expect from her family?”

“Her dad’s a bit rough around the edges, and her siblings can be a bit judgy, but once they warm up to ya it’s fine.”

“What do you mean judgy?”

“They like to ask a lot of questions. She’s the youngest by a lot. Her siblings are like a good age difference older than her, so she’s not just their little sister, she’s their baby.”

“But, she’s also my baby.” Niall smiles funny at Harry, and puts his hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak so fondly of someone before.”

“I think, I think I’m in love with her.”

“What?!”

“Yeah.”

“When did you come to this realization?”

“Over the weekend, when I took this picture of her.” Harry shows Niall his phone’s wall paper.

“Aw, Harry.” He ruffles his hair, and Harry swats his friend’s hand away. “I don’t think you’ve ever said you’re in love before.”

“That’s because I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before.”

“When are you gonna tell her?”

“I have no idea. She just let me do this really big, intense thing with her. I don’t want to make it more intense. Plus, what if she’s not there with me yet?”

“You won’t know unless you talk to her.”

“I think I’ll just love her from afar for now. You know, she caught a cold and wouldn’t even let me take care of her?”

“The nerve.” Niall says sarcastically. “She probably just didn’t want to get ya sick, mate.”

“Enough about me, you’re going to meet Sarah’s family soon?”

“Yup, and I’m staying the whole weekend too. Her family is like three hours from here.”

“Good luck with that. Gonna sleep in her old room?”

“I think we’re getting’ a hotel actually. Thank god, I am too old to be sleepin’ in a little twin bed.”

“At least your feet don’t hang over the edge when you do sleep in one.”

“I’m not that short! You’re just freakishly tall so I look short compared to ya.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Well, we can both agree that we’re not as tiny as Lou.”

“Yeah, he’s a pipsqueak.”

//

You felt great after therapy. Dr. Mara thought you were making excellent progress with yourself. You had a big bowl of soup for dinner, and took some Nyquil to help yourself sleep through the night. You did that pretty much every night that week. Luckily, by Friday you were feeling much better, and your period had ended. Things were looking up.

Niall texted in a group chat to see if you wanted to go bowling that night. Both you and Harry agreed it would be fun. Rachel and the girl she had been seeing were invited as well. You couldn’t wait to see Harry since you hadn’t seen him all week. You decided to leave your hair down in waves. You wore a black pair of skinny jeans, and a light pink crop top. You wore a cardigan over it so you weren’t totally exposed. Sarah and Rachel came over to have a drink with you before heading to the bowling alley to meet your respective dates.

The boys and Rachel’s date (Lora) were waiting by the two lanes they had reserved. Harry looked good enough to eat. He was wearing his dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and his beanie. You practically ran into his arms, suddenly realizing just how excited you were to see him. You gave him a deep kiss, deeper than what he was expecting, leaving the others to be surprised at your PDA. You clear your throat when you see everyone staring. You and the girls go up to the counter to get your shoes.

“How should we make teams?” Niall asks.

“Let’s do girls versus…I mean, um, Lora would you pair up with the boys, and the three of us could be a team?” Sarah asks.

“Works for me.” Lora shrugs.

You and your friends were good bowlers. You often went bowling on Thursday nights in school.

“Let’s order some food and drinks before we get started.” You suggest. “Harry, wanna help me?”

“You got it.” You both walk up to the snack bar. He leans down to whisper into your ear. “You look so fucking hot tonight, feeling better?” It sends a shiver up your spine.

“Much.” You order a couple pitchers of beer and some pizza. He gives your bum a quick pinch as you walk back over. “Hey.” You give him a fake annoyed look.

“Sorry, but those jeans really suit you.”

You get into your teams, and start bowling. You, Sarah, and Rachel all get strikes off the bat, leaving the boys and Lora speechless. The bowling had strobe lights come on after a certain hour and started playing club hits. You and your friends dance while you wait your turns. The beer definitely hits your head quickly. Your pizza is brought over, so the six of you take a break. Rachel puts an arm around Lora, and you smile at them.

“So, Lora, what do you do for work?” You ask, taking a big bite of pizza.

“Right now I’m in grad school, I’m a GA. I’m trying to become a Biology teacher.”

“Wow! That’s so cool.”

“Thanks.” She smiles at you. You wanted to be as welcome as possible. She seemed to already know Sarah pretty decently.

After a while, you and your friends were more interested in dancing than bowling. You were at Pinz, so it’s not like you had to drive anywhere to go dancing.

“So, we think we’re gonna over to the dance floor is that’s cool with you guys.” Sarah says to the boys.

“Sure thing, I think we’re gonna bowl a bit more and then we’ll meet ya.” Niall kisses her on the cheek.

Rachel grabs Lora, and the four of you head over to the dance floor on the other side of the building.

“I really don’t want to dance.” Harry says, sucking his teeth.

“You danced with her fine at Halloween.” He throws the ball, knocking six pins down.

“I was hammered that night, big difference.” Harry throws his, knocking eight pins down. “We’re really not very good at this, are we?” He laughs.

“Look, girls like it when you dance up on them. So, we’re gonna put our shoes on, and go dance with our girlfriends, and you’re gonna like it.”

“Is that so?”

“Yep.”

Harry and Niall put their shoes back on, and make their way to the dance floor. The DJ had just put on The Hills by the Weeknd. Harry knew you’d be freaking out, you loved The Weeknd. They spotted your group, Harry stopped to just watch you dance for minute. You had this specific way you liked to move your hips to the beat. He noticed the way you’d flip your hair around and close your eyes while you sang along.

You were starting to sweat, so you took your cardigan off, and tied it around your waist, revealing your full crop top. Harry wasn’t thrilled that just anyone could see your stomach, but he could either stand there and pout, or go over, dance with you, and show anyone around you that you were his. He sighed and walked over to you while Niall was just wrapping his arms around Sarah. Rachel and Lora were lost in each other, not paying attention to anyone else. Harry grips your hips from behind and pulls your butt to his pelvis, you squeak out a giggle.

“Hey baby.” You lean back into him as you move together.

“This would be easier if this wasn’t in the way.” He says into your ear, referring to your cardigan. You turn around to grind against him front to front.

“How’s this?” Before he can even answer your mouth is on his. He pulls you closer to him so your breasts are pressed against him. You swipe your tongue across his bottom lip, and he opens up for you. You mold your tongue to his, sucking on him slightly. You feel the strain in his pants become more evident against your leg. You moan into his mouth, and that was enough for him.

“Okay, we’re leaving, yeah?” He says to you. Your cheeks were rosy, and your eyes hazy.

“Your place.” Is all you say. He looks over at Niall and nods towards you. You wave goodbye to your friends, and walk out holding hands with him.

Luckily he drove, and was sober enough to drive. He didn’t drink that much while you were bowling, and you had drank way more than you thought. You kept a hand on his thigh the entire drive. You really were acting like your old self, and it felt great.

Harry keyed into his place, and you slipped your tennis shoes off. He looked at you and untied the cardigan around your waist, letting it drop to the floor. You wrapped your arms around his neck while he picks you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, and he walked you over to the bed. He sits down, letting you straddle him. Your lips go right for his neck while your hips roll down on him. His hands slip inside the back of your jeans to squeeze your ass.

“I missed you this week.” He says into your ear. You bite down just under his earlobe, causing a groan to leave his mouth. “Don’t make me wait an entire week to see you again.” You suck harder on him. “Please.” You lift your head to look at him, your lips now swollen.

“Show me.”

“Show you what?”

“Show me how much you missed me, Harry.” Your eyes were hooded, pupils fully blown. You wanted him, bad. A devious smile grows on his face.

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

He lifts you up, and sits you near the headboard. He moves to hover over you, he runs his thumb over your bottom lip.

“I missed these lips, pressed against me.” He says taking your bottom lip between his teeth. A hand slides down to cup your breast. “I missed these pressed against me with the way the cool from your piercings sends a shiver up my spine.” He says into your ear. You can’t help but let out a moan at the way he’s teasing you. His hand moved down to your crotch, pressing his palm against your center. “And I especially missed this, the way you’re always so wet for me.” He nips at your earlobe.

“Harry, please.” You say with a heavy breath.

He moves between your legs and undoes your button and zipper, pulling your pants down. You lift your hips to assist him. He tosses them to the other side of the bed. You’re wearing a cute pair of red lace panties. You sit up and tug at the hem of his shirt. He lifts his arms so you can take it off of him. You run your hands up and down his torso. You take his beanie off and run your hands through his soft curls. He tugs at your crop top. When it comes off his jaw drops.

“You weren’t wearing a bra this whole time?”

“No, why would I wear a bra with that shirt? It’s practically already a bra.”

His face goes right for your chest as he wraps his arms around your back. He pulls you to sit on his lap. He kisses between each breast, your head rolling back at the way he takes the time to suck on each nipple equally. You don’t know what is it is tonight, but you feel really sexy. However, your eyes start to feel droopy.

“Harry, I think, um…” You try to open your eyes back up. “I think I feel sleepy.” You say, passing out

“Oh, shit.” Harry sighs, and lays you down. He grabs a glass of water and puts it on the night stand for you. He rolls you onto your stomach, and sticks a small trash can on the floor, just in case you throw up. He didn’t realize just how much you had drank. The combination of beer, and drinking a lot of tequila at the bar with your friends must have did you in. He takes his pants off, and climbs in next to you.

//

You wake up the next morning with your hair a mess, and your face smooshed into the pillow. Your head is killing you and it hurts to look into the light creeping through the blinds. You turn over to reach for Harry, but he wasn’t in the bed. You don’t remember much from last night. You remember him picking you up and bringing you to the bed, then nothing. You still had your underwear on, but your other clothes were missing. You sit up slowly, wondering where he could be. You hear a flush from down the hall, and sigh. He was just in the bathroom. He smirks when he sees you sitting up, covering yourself with the blanket.

“Hey you.” He says, sitting on the edge of the bed next to you, only in his boxers. “Feelin’ alright?”

“My head hurts.”

“Here.” He has two Tylenol in his hand and drops them into yours. You take the glass of water on the table, and pop the pills into your mouth. “You, uh, scared me last night.”

“Hm? Why, what happened?”

“Well, we were making out and you just sort of passed out. How much did you drink?”

“God, I don’t know. We had tequila at the bar, so between that and the amount of beer I had while bowling.” You nearly gag. “Not a great combo. I’m so sorry if I ruined our evening.”

“You didn’t, it was still a really fun night. Maybe, just, if we go out like that again…not drink so much? You’re not in college anymore, (y/n).”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You say, a little annoyed with his tone.

“Nothing, just you don’t need drink to excess every time you go out with your friends. You don’t see me doing that.”

“Only when Louis is around.”

“One time you saw me like that, and if you noticed, I didn’t pass out. You’re lucky you didn’t have your head in the toilet all night.”

“I don’t appreciate you lecturing me.”

“M’not.”

“Yeah, you are. I don’t see them that much, nor do I get to go out dancing and drinking that much anymore. So if I want to party, I’m going to, Harry.” You see your crop top on the floor. You get up, covering your chest, and put it on. He squints at you, unsure of what to say. “And now you’re all quiet is that it? Is daddy done giving me a stern talking to?” You roll your eyes and walk towards the bathroom. You hear him get up and follow you, he stops you from closing the door. “I have to pee, do you mind?”

“What the fuck did you just say to me?”

“I said, I have to pee.”

“No, before that.”

“You heard what I said, I’m not repeating it. I don’t need you treating me like a baby!”

“That’s not what I was doing! Am I not allowed to be concerned? You literally passed out in my arms. You scared the shit out of me (y/n).”

“Well, I’m sorry for that, really I am. I would never intentionally try to scare you. But sometimes these things happen. I don’t usually drink like that. You make it seem like I’m not allowed to have any fun.”

“You are allowed to have fun, but you’re-“

“Not in college anymore?” He just looks at you, almost defeated. “Trust me, I’m aware.” You sigh. “Look, I know I’m in the wrong here, I get that. But please, do not talk to me like that. I don’t need my boyfriend acting like he’s my father.”

“I wasn’t doing that. So, what, am I not allowed to call you out on shit? That makes me your daddy?”

“You can call me out on shit, call me out on whatever the fuck you want, just don’t talk to me like that!” You slam the bathroom door closed, causing your head to throb. You sit down to go to the bathroom, and start crying. You brush your teeth and wash your face quick, wiping your tears away. You knew you were being childish. He was probably up all night worried about you, and this is how you act? It was your first fight, and you didn’t like how it felt.

You open the door slowly, and walk back down the hall to find him sitting on the bed with his head down, twiddling his thumbs. He doesn’t want to look up at you, even though you’re standing right in front of him.

“Harry, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I got so mad. It was a stupid thing to flip out over. You took care of me last night, and instead of being grateful, I acted like a brat.” He looks up at you, his eyes are red. Did he cry too?

“I’m sorry I set you off. It wasn’t my intention to talk to you with that tone. And honestly, you were actin’ like a brat, I didn’t like it.” You look down at your feet, in fear you may just start sobbing. “Look, next time we go out with them, or if it’s a girl’s night or somethin’, could you maybe just dial it back? All I meant about the college comment was that you can’t just bounce back the next day. I know I can’t. It’s okay that you want to party with your friends, I don’t care about that.”

“No, you just care that you didn’t get to touch me last night.” You wipe a tear from your eyes as he stands up, towering over you.

“Wanna run that by me again?”

“That’s why you’re upset right? Because you didn’t get to diddle me, or that I didn’t get to do it to you? Because, because baby missed me all week?” You were starting to be cruel. You grab your jeans from last night, and put them on. “I had a fucking cold, and you made me feel bad about it. I just needed some alone time to recover, and you didn’t want to give it to me.” Harry blinks over and over, and then pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

“So which is it?”

“What?”

“Am I baby or daddy?”

“That’s what you’re choosing to focus on here?”

“You’re using pretty derogatory terms, (y/n). Why didn’t you just tell me I was buggin’ you last week, instead of bottling it up?”

“Because I didn’t realize it bothered me until just now.” You cross your arms over your chest. “I was just fine without you. I made myself a big pot of soup, I bought some Nyquil, and I even got myself the good tissues. I feel like you think I’m this helpless little girl sometimes.”

“I don’t think that. I’m sorry I wanted to make sure you were okay and be there for you. Fuck me, right?”

“Don’t turn this around and make me feel bad for being truthful.”

“You’re purposefully saying nasty things to me!”

“I think I should go.” You take your phone out to order an uber, but Harry grabs your wrist. “Let go of me.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. You don’t get to just walk away while we’re arguing.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s childish? Let’s just figure this out like adults.”

“There’s nothing to figure out! We’re having a fight, and I don’t want to be around you right now, at the risk of saying more nasty things.” You yank your wrist out of his grasp. “And the next time I tell you to get your hands off me, you better fucking listen.” You scramble to grab all your things, and rush out of his apartment, slamming the door behind you.

“What the fuck just happened?!” He says to himself. Your first fight. Over something completely stupid, all because he called you out on your crap. Did you always act this way when you did something wrong?

Why were you acting like this? Oh, you knew why. It was the hormones from your new pack of birth control that always made you act like a raging bitch. Harry got caught in the crossfire this month. No, you can’t blame all of this on hormones. You knew every word that came out of your mouth was going to cut him, deep. Why did you want to hurt him? Anxiety. Were you pushing him away so he wouldn’t want to go home with you? You could punch yourself in the face for acting the way you did.

You screamed into a pillow the second you got into your apartment. You took a long hot shower, and got into some sweat pants and a sports bra. He hadn’t texted or called, you knew you had to be the one to do it. You picked up your phone and swallowed your pride.

“Hi.” He says after waiting three rings to answer. Your voice breaks and you cry into the phone. “I can’t understand you.”

“I’m, I’m so sorry. I was acting like a child. I said such hurtful things to you. It’s not an excuse, but I think I’m just getting anxious about Thanksgiving, and I think I was trying to push you away. It was so stupid. I was wrong. There I was telling you not to speak to me a certain way, and I spoke to you like an asshole. You didn’t deserve that, especially not from me.” You wipe your eyes. “I love you so much, Harry, please I’m sorry.”

“What, what did you just say?” What did you just say? You admitted that you loved him.

“I, I said I love you.”

“I love you too, (y/n).”

“Really?”

“Yes….I’m coming over there.”

“Okay.” He hangs up, and practically races to his car. He couldn’t believe this is how you said this to each other. How cliché, during a fight.

[seasonofthegeek]

Here comes a personal post because this week has been a doozy and I want to get some words out. Also please don’t reblog this post. This is just for me to get some thoughts down and there’s no reason to spread it. Thanks. :)

Back in May, I began having passive suicidal thoughts and knew I needed to get some help. I didn’t want to actively hurt myself, but I thought it might be better for everyone in my life if something happened to me and I died. After a visit to the doctor, I started an antidepressant that worked for me and I got back to a mental level I was more comfortable with. A few months later, something happened to someone I love dearly and it showed me that I was just teetering on the edge, even with the meds, so I sought out a therapist to have someone outside of my life to talk to.

It’s been a great experience and my therapist is easy to talk to but also good at keeping me accountable in the tasks I’ve set for myself, while also reminding me that it’s okay to fail. She listens and offers advice when it’s warranted and some sessions I’ve just walked in and word vomited for an hour and that’s been fine. A few sessions ago, she suggested I start seeing a psychiatrist to get to the root of some of my issues. She was wondering if I had bipolar disorder (my brother was diagnosed with it ) and put the ball in my court to contact someone if it was something I wanted to explore further.

I was an anxious mess but called one of the psychiatrists my therapist recommended and set up an appointment. That appointment finally came up this past Tuesday and after battling an angry child not wanting to go to school, no time for breakfast, construction traffic, and school traffic, I finally made it to my appointment twenty minutes late (I called on the way, of course). 

I was a wreck and almost didn’t get out of my car when I pulled into the parking lot, but I forced myself out into the cold and then into an unknown office. After a few minutes, I was taken back to meet my psychiatrist and he was one of those people who can immediately put others at ease. He recognized the My Hero characters on my hoodie and told me his daughter loved the show. He smiled and made small talk.

And then he read aloud the notes my therapist had sent him with my consent.

I’m going to be honest, it was ROUGH hearing everything I’ve been dealing with read by someone I just met in the span of a few minutes. He went through it simply, not commenting, just relaying information. I took a big breath when he finished and told him it was hard to hear it all at once. And he smiled and suggested we just start from the beginning.

And that’s how the rest of the appointment was. He was pleasant and kept things simple and asked questions that led me down different paths of conversation. He told me that I would be diagnosing myself with his help and that I had all the power.

It was refreshing.

My therapist is great and she has helped me with a lot of issues, but she can mainly just offer advice on how to deal with things.

My psychiatrist led me to understand why I deal with the issues I have and where they stem from. It was something I’d never given much thought to honestly. I’ve had bad things happen to me, I think everyone has in different degrees, but I didn’t think any of them really shaped the person I am. I was wrong.

After discussing things, we both decided that I’m not bipolar because it didn’t fit for me. I do have depression and anxiety though and they were manifesting in ways that can mimic some of the symptoms of bipolar disorder. I have a feeling I’m always going to remember how he explained my level of anxiety too.

Dr. S: If I said to you, Kayla, do you think most people deal with this level of anxiety in their day to day lives? Would you say “no” or would you say “duh”?

Me, thinking my high level of anxiety is completely ordinary, laughed: I’d say duh.

Dr. S with his nice smile: Ah, see, that’s not the case.

Me: ...oh. Ohhhhhhh.

It was a bit of a revelation to find out this brain stuff I deal with constantly isn’t the norm for everyone else. I didn’t realize most people don’t think when they tell their family goodbye in the morning that it might be the last time they see them because something horrible is going to happen or that their house is going to catch on fire when they go on vacation. I didn’t know most other people didn’t check for their keys three to four times before locking their cars in the fear of locking themselves out. It didn’t occur to me that a lot of people don’t think their friends hate them just because they haven’t spoken in a few hours/days/weeks. 

It was almost a relief to find out and at the same time there was morbid fascination in realizing how off my thinking is because of the anxiety. 

He helped me trace it all the way back to being a child and what caused it and how the depression came into play because the anxiety was fear and fear made me feel helpless and that made me angry. I used to have angry outbursts and temper tantrums out of the blue up to adulthood. I learned to monitor myself better and get things out before they blew up as I got older, but with Dr. S’s help, I could go back and see where it had started and that I’ve carried it my whole life. 

I’ll probably always carry it, but now I know and now I can start working on it.

So that’s what happened with me and my brain stuff which is more than enough for one week, but my son’s brain stuff came into play on Friday.

My son is, goodness, he’s just amazing. He’s my world. He’s funny and goofy and creative and a butthead and moody and loving and better than I could’ve ever imagined. For the past couple of years, it’s become more and more obvious that he wasn’t quite like other kids his age. He was developing slower and didn’t start really speaking until he started doing speech therapy.  Even after a little over a year, a lot of his speech still comes from mimicking. 

He started school this year and I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. I was called back in on the first day after he’d been there for two hours. He’d had a meltdown in the cafeteria because it was too loud and his speech therapist (who thankfully was the same person he’d been working with the previous year as a private student) picked him up from his class and took him to her room as a safe space for him to calm down. He adores her and was able to soothe himself as soon as he was in that familiar setting. I went to a meeting on the first day of school to find that my son was not going to be able to make it through the whole school day, but the school wanted to work with him so he’d still be able to attend. We cut his days down to two and a half hours and went from there.

A month or so after that, a meeting was set up with the district psychologist who wanted permission to observe him and see what further help might be needed. She suggested letting an occupational therapist and physical therapist observe and test him too and I consented to all it. He was having issues connecting to the other kids in his class and he couldn’t seem to follow the schedule. The teacher worked with him the best she could, giving him a visual task calendar he could follow and use to point to and other similar things, but she also has seventeen other students. I knew more help was needed.

So for the past couple of months, he’s been going to his general education class and his speech therapy while also being observed by a psychologist on some days. He did a couple of sessions of testing with an occupational therapist and a physical therapist (who cleared him with a laugh that he is definitely strong and super fast). It was all coming down to the meeting we had on Friday.

Seven women sat around the table and showed me how each of them wanted to help my son. I’m tearing up just thinking back on it, to be honest. The psychologist broke everything down for me and made sure I could see every step of the process they’d all gone through while watching my son. At the beginning of the year, he’d started with paperwork stating that he was receiving help with speech and language but that was being moved to a secondary position because he was now being categorized as mild to moderate on the autism spectrum.

I’d had a feeling about autism. I’d wondered about it from time to time. He fit some of the indicators. Like with finding out about myself, it was a bit of a relief. There’s something about knowing that is just so helpful because then you can ask, “Okay, what are the next steps we need to take?” 

They suggested moving him into the special education class. It’s half the size of the class he is currently in, he’s already familiar with the teacher, his speech therapist works in that class a lot, and he knows two of the students from his group speech sessions. 

LIfe is kinda funny how it works out sometimes. My mom has worked with special ed kids most of my life. I went into her classroom all through high school and got to know the students in there. We’ve discussed the past year or so that my son might need that kind of help, even if it is only for a little while. So when this group of teachers and therapists and the psychologist recommended moving him, I felt comfortable agreeing. I know from the other side of things that it is not something done lightly or suggested easily. 

The psychologist even said it might be something he only needs for a year or two and if they can get him coming to school for longer periods of time, they want to get him back into the general class he was in for short periods. I know they’re looking out for him. They’ve already done so much to accommodate him and I can see they truly care for his development. I feel really lucky that he is going to the school he’s at.

I’m relieved and I’m worried. He’ll start his new class on Monday and I know it’s going to be a tough transition, but I hope it’s for the best. He’s such a smart kid and he’s got a great imagination and I know he’s got a lot going on in that lil noggin. I just want to do the best I can for him.

So I’m watching out for him and I’m trying to take care of me for me and for him (and for my husband and my best friend and my parents). It’s been a lot to learn in the span of a few days but I feel hopeful for the future. <3

[meganshinsou-tm]

So about me,

I have received a few asks from you all asking about what happened with the job thing and I’ll just use this post to address it and how I’m dealing.

So after working at the same hotel for the past 3-4 years I was let go today without any warning whatsoever over a text message. Apparently there were 14 documented complaints about me, none of these were brought to my attention so I had no idea anything was even wrong for me to fix them. Where I worked however I started to develop a lot of stress and a fear of men because constantly I was harassed by them and even threatened so it’s sort of a good thing I guess. However it was my means of living, I live alone and support myself fully. I have bills to pay, groceries to pay, animals to care for, along with the occasional pleasure buy. I’m fortunate however because I have a savings account with a greatly decent amount of money in it but I have a house to renovate before I can move into it and I wasn’t planning on using a lot of my savings for that but I have no choice now, along with having to use it to pay my bills and etc until I can find a job.

I’m not in a terrible bind cause I have a great family and mother who supports me, I live in her house and only pay a few bills. She helps me with things here and there but I’m the type of person that I don’t like asking for help when it comes to money. I definitely feel like a failure at the moment since I’m jobless now, I have no degree and for me to go back to school in the fall like I wanted it hurts that that may not happen. I’m not sure how long it’ll take me to get another job cause where I live it’s hard to find a job you can live off of without a degree.

Mentally I think I’m okay right now but I know deep deep inside unconsciously things are a wreck and building up until I hit a breaking point in a few days or so I’m sure. I’m just on autopilot right now really, going with the motions and not really associating. I hope you all can understand where I’m coming from and why I’m choosing to take a break from writing until sometime next week. I was already tired both physically and mentally since Monday and now this happened and my head is either scrambled or blank. I’m gonna take these next few days to do some de-stressing by cleaning my house, maybe start getting my items together for when I move next door and go through things I don’t need in my life any more such as clothes and junk. Maybe start putting together my cork boards or color, watch movies and shows. I have a concert this weekend with one of my best friends and that’ll definitely be a plus.

In the meantime on here I’ll share how I’m doing, reblog random shit that pertains to anime and kpop, lots of MONSTA X stuff since I’m excited to see them. I’ll post my usual dumb horny thoughts, maybe do some questionnaires I may find so I’m not completely silent on here. It’ll help me stay sane as well. I thank you all for understanding or being concerned about me. I’ll be fine I just need some time. I love you all very much and appreciate every single one of you. 💕

[elfigmlinkbf16insurance-blog]

How much would car insurance be for me? (teen)?

How much would car insurance be for me? (teen)?

I m 16. Driving a Honda Accord 2001, with 130,000 miles. I live in the state of Delaware. I m a male, with about. 3.0 average in school. If you had to guesstimate

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancefastfinder.top

SOURCES:

I m 16. Driving a Honda Accord 2001, with 130,000 miles. I live in the state of Delaware. I m a male, with about. 3.0 average in school. If you had to guesstimate

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[mininky]

Renatus (4)

Summary: (y/n) finds herself in a very unusual situation where her fate seems to be woven with Hades himself, who’s too much of a jerk for her to even admit that sure okay he’s kind of really good looking.

Pairing: Hades!Yoongi x reader

Warnings: still none yet, some cussing. I should mention, there will be eventual smut (nope still not there yet.)

Chapters: one two three four five

 Never had a weekend felt so unbearably long before this one. By the time Monday morning finally came you felt like you had to have aged at least a few years, if not a full decade. You had never been the type to act like a babbling incoherent schoolgirl in front of anyone you had liked before, in fact thinking back you had never really been much the type to 'crush' on someone before. After your last relationship (which had been well over a year ago) you had figured you were doomed to spinstership with a hoard of cats to keep you company. Butterflies, sweaty palms, being unable to form coherent sentences when around attractive people had never once been a problem for you. Usually, past relationships had been initiated by the other person and you typically agreed more out of boredom. Hades had changed all of that. Upon your realization that you didn't maybe but you certainly did like the god of the underworld on Friday you suddenly felt like a different person.    The weekend had been a complete mess. You prayed that Yoongi would return to his previous quiet, sarcastic self who spent all of his time with the departed. Instead, he spent the entire weekend in close proximity to you. He was there at every meal, he read in the library while you tried (and failed) to study, he had even taken you shopping after you made a comment about being out of your favorite pens. While he wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows, his lack of ever-ready argument starters made it even harder for you to form coherent sentences. You tried (and again failed) to be snarky, instead you usually just said a jumbled mess of words and had caught yourself staring at him constantly. The worst part was that there weren't really any conversations, and the few that he had initiated you were a freaking mess. This was mainly caused by the fact that Hades decided that he now wanted to be called Yoongi even in the underworld, you assume that his time speaking with you back on earth could be the cause of this. The one thing you couldn't really understand though was that you had received another promotion from girl to (y/n) and that was presumably the biggest reason why you were malfunctioning every time he spoke to you. By Sunday you were contemplating throwing yourself into the Styx or hoping that a hellmouth would open up underneath your feet and swallow you whole so you wouldn't have to deal with trying to figure out what you needed to do next.    The only good news to all of this was that Monday had indeed come at long last and that Yoongi was so incredibly dense he had assumed that your new behavior was due to a bad cold over the weekend. The best news was that Hoseok had returned and was the one who would be taking you back to school. You nearly cried when you saw him, the sweet relief of finally being able to be away from your own messy thoughts was actually in sight. Unfortunately, Hoseok had noticed in record time your unusual behavior and didn't hesitate to ask you about it.    "Good gods, (y/n) what happened to you? You look awful!" His usual smile was replaced with concern. If you didn't already feel like you looked like a train wreck you certainly did now.    "Less talking, more transporting. Come on Hermes, help me out here I'm begging you." Begging didn't work, at all. Instead, he only grew more concerned and was walking around you in a circle, as if afraid that you might burst into flames (gods how you wished you would.)    "Listen, if you would just please get me out of here I promise I will try to explain everything." If there was anyone you could talk to about this, it would be Hermes. Hoseok was a great listener, a better hypeman, and he wouldn't rat you out for the sheer joy of it the way that Jungkook most certainly would.    At first, Hobi seemed hesitant to do as you asked but you finally found yourself gulping in the frigid air right outside your campus entrance just moments later. "What's going on? Yoongi didn't threaten to throw you into the Styx again did he? You've got to believe me, he threatens everyone with that but he never actually does it, well okay he did do it once I think, but that was a long time ago. After all, he'd be the one who would have to process the soul afterward and that's more work than just emotionally torturing you." Had that actually been your fear his words of intended comfort still wouldn't have worked.    "No that's not it...listen, I've got enough time before my first lecture. Can we just go sit down, grab a coffee maybe?" He looked even more concerned at this point but finally relented.      Once you were eventually back in the same coffee shop (and at the exact same table you were on Friday) with another Matcha latte in front of you, you mustered up the courage to try to explain everything. "I...I think I like Yoongi."    "WHAT???!? OH MY GODS WHY HOW WHEN???" The only flaw in your plan with talking to Hoseok about this was that you had forgotten how loud he could be, at the very least you weren't in Hades but you were panicking that at this volume Yoongi could still hear Hoseok's panic all the way from the underworld. Quickly you tried to shush him and once he stopped hyperventilating he took a large gulp of his coffee. "Did you...did you say...I can't...really??"    "Wow, way to make a girl feel great about her choice in men. Also isn't he your friend?? Shouldn't you be like hyping him up or something?" He shrugged at that as if to say 'what's the point in lying.' "I know it's strange okay, but I mean...he's actually...not that bad and he does the obnoxious thing where he bites his lip when he's concentrating and his hands are really pretty and his smirk is actually kinda cute but he's also super considerate and when he smiles his eyes turn into these really cute little moons and he has this really gummy smile when he laughs andIdunnowhyI'mdoingthistomyselfI'mdoomed." Annnd you're back to being a jumbled mess again. Apparently, he doesn't even need to be in the same room for you to turn into a blathering mess.    "That's...you're...but he??" Hoseok was at the very least also a mess and while he was supposed to be helping you it was comforting to know that you weren't the only one who was unable to function over this revelation. "You've got it bad, huh?"    "Yup. I'm doomed." You sighed as you took another slurp of the latte, hoping that it would somehow magically cure everything. If all else failed you always had the Styx river to throw yourself into.    "Have you told him?" Hoseok seemed to finally start thinking straight, good, at least one of you could.    "How could I? Hi, Mr. Scary God Of The Underworld I'm kind of crazy for you, no please don't devour my soul? I mean, is he even interested in dating? Or Women?"    "Well not telling him isn't going to change anything. Also as for dating and women, the two of you were technically supposed to be married and he did have me send flowers to your doorstep every year."    "Point taken but you don't understand. Even if I could I can't. I can't even form words when I look at him, it's like my brain turns into TV static."    "Listen, you've got to try to tell him. Sure he's...moody...and usually angry...and a workaholic who usually forgets to eat...and sometimes terrifying but buried under all of that there's actually a really nice guy somewhere deep deep deep deep deep-"    "I get it Hoseok, I think you could have stopped after the third deep."    "Sorry, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there is absolutely nothing to gain from saying nothing but you might gain something if you try. Besides, he let you live down there, agreed to all of your conditions, and he actually makes time to talk to you which is more than he does for his own brothers. That can only mean that he likes you too. We both know that he's never going to admit that so you're going to have to be the first one to try."    Your brain malfunctioned so badly after he said that you don't remember any of the rest of the conversation or how you made it to your first lecture or what anything was about. When you looked at your notes you just saw a blinking cursor taunting you.    While you had spent the entirety of the weekend relishing your freedom from Yoongi that would arrive with Monday you had failed to understand that you couldn't just magically dump your brain of everything. Focusing in class had never been this much of a problem up until now and autopilot was something that while you were apparently equipped with it was very faulty. You had made it to all of your lectures, had managed after the first one to take some notes, but your brain was still constantly going back over the idea that maybe, just maybe you had a chance. You were also grateful that you had never felt this way about anyone you previously dated because this had been a complete and utter nuisance. Never again would you make fun of those people in romantic comedies, you were by large worse than them and you weren't just a character. Gods, feelings suck.    By the end of your last lecture you were trying to psych yourself up for what would probably be the lamest confession of all time but you couldn't bear the thought of having to deal with being this much of an idiot for another day. Halfway to the west exit, your thoughts were interrupted by Kihyun calling out to you. You had completely forgotten about your promise to work on the essay with him. "Kihyun! Oh man, I'm so sorry I totally forgot."      You failed to notice the short-lived downcast look in his eyes before he gave a cheery smile and said, "Mondays suck, huh? Do you still want to work with me on the paper?" In all honesty, you had already completed most of your essay over the weekend while trying to avoid Yoongi but you were pretty sure that it would be as much of a jumbled mess as your head had lately been. "That would be great! Is the library okay with you?"    "Yeah, sure the library sounds great!" And with that, you began walking back through the campus. The usual winter weather had returned in full swing after Friday, the crisp air snapped through your jacket and sweater as the two of you silently trudged your way across the icy paths.    "So, what did you do this weekend?" Kihyun interrupted the silence and you turned your body a little too quickly when you looked over at him to respond. Your boot slipped on just the right section of iced over cement and you felt your knees buckle and your backpack push forward in just a split second. You splayed your hands out in front to try to spare your face from the impact as your eyes squeezed shut, at the same time you felt yourself being pulled back up from your waist.    "If you aren't feeling well you shouldn't push yourself. Hobi told me that you looked like you were in bad shape and you almost bashed your face in just now. Honestly, you need to take better care of yourself, you should have just stayed home." You felt a tingle run up your spine as you felt his warm breath next to your ear. You glanced down at the hands and over to Kihyun who was standing shocked next to you and then finally craned your neck back to see that Yoongi had appeared just in time to help you from your own clumsiness.    Both you and Kihyun stayed silent as you gawked at Yoongi, Kihyun finally seemed to snap out of it before you and spoke up. "I'm sorry you aren't feeling well (Y/N), I didn't even notice. You should go home and get some rest, we can figure out another day to do the essay." Before you could even respond he quickly scampered away.    You glanced back down to see Yoongi's arm still wrapped around your midsection. It felt like you were back at war with your own conflicting thoughts. Half of you wanted to stay in this position, it was warm and comforting. The other half of you was growing more and more embarrassed that Yoongi witnessed your clumsiness and had saved you from almost breaking your face and you wanted to flee the scene. Another part of you wanted to find Hoseok and strangle him for getting Yoongi out of Hades to come to get you. You eventually decided that if you did try to flee or move too quickly you would just wind up breaking a body part.    "(Y/N), are you okay? You aren't saying anything, or moving. Are you even breathing?" Yoongi looked down at you with concern.    "Yeah, yup, yes mhmm I'm totally fine." If that hadn't already sounded unconvincing the fact that your voice was two octaves higher than normal had solidified that you most certainly did not sound fine.    "...Let's go home." His arms left your waist as he turned back around and took a step forward before looking back at you and holding out his hand. "Hold my hand, I don't want to carry you out of here with any broken bones and I don't trust that you'll make it all the way there without me guiding you."    "I would be perfectly fine without your help, that was just a one-time incident. A fluke. And besides, I have cat-like reactions I would have totally been a-okay." Your actions betrayed your words however as you grabbed his hand. You couldn't help but marvel down to look at your hand in his and your heart started to swell with warmth and those obnoxious stomach butterflies were back in action and stronger than ever.    "Mhhmm, sure whatever you say. Glad to hear you can still have that mouth of yours though, you were really starting to scare me there. Humans get sick too easily, you really should take care of yourself. There's no point in pushing yourself too hard and running yourself down. If you don't feel good you need to rest until you feel better. You should stay home tomorrow and rest. And it's too cold for you to not be wearing a scarf and gloves. Honestly, as an adult human you should already know this, should you not?" Just a few days ago hearing him say human that many times in a sentence would have caused you to almost foam at the mouth but now you were too focused on the idea of him being concerned about you to care. Maybe Hobi was right, maybe you really did stand a fighting chance.    You wrestled around with your thoughts as you trudged through in silence. How exactly were you supposed to confess? How did one confess to a god? Do gods even date? You tried to stifle a giggle as you conjured up an image of Yoongi thrusting flowers at you with murderous intent over a dinner table.    "(Y/N)...(Y/N)? Are you ignoring me on purpose or are you just daft?"    "Hmm, what? I'm sorry, I was just thinking..." You glanced up at him and realized that you had already made it to the back of the tree.    "Honestly, you really should get some rest...anyways...are you ready to go?" His voice softened slightly, his earlier exasperated tone gone.    "Ah, yep! Totally good, totally ready! One way stop to the underworld here I come!"    Yoongi raised an eyebrow but decided not to comment as he pulled you closer and closed his eyes. Just a moment later you found yourself back in front of the entrance of Hades. Even though it's been nearly a month of doing this twice a day five times a week it never ceased to amaze you how the Gods could just wish their way somewhere and suddenly be there. You made a note that you had to ask Yoongi how it worked someday.    Before you could even move you heard a loud crack and the sound of someone groaning. Immediately pulled you behind him and seemed to go on the defensive before quickly relaxing again. "Ah, Namjoon, I see that you still are rather abysmal at transporting yourself. What brings you here today?"    You peered around Yoongi and saw a man, no definitely a god if he got all the way here, sprawled out on the floor rubbing the back of his head and smiling up at the two of you. He promptly got up and dusted himself off and seemed to ignore Yoongi completely as he cocked his head to the side and seemed to analyze you, his smile growing wider. "This must be (Y/N). I've heard so much about you from Hobi and Kooki! Speaking of Kookie," He looked back over at Yoongi after you croaked out a small 'hello', "I actually came here to tell you that we're trying to throw a surprise party for Kooki's birthday. I know you always refuse to come by for any of our events but I figure at least once every thousand years isn't so bad, right?"    Yoongi glared at Namjoon as he mulled it over. Finally, he asked, "And when exactly is this party?"    "This weekend, it starts Saturday. It's at Jin's place, he's really pulling out all the stops this year. Oh and, (Y/N) you're also invited!"    Your eyes widened as you looked back and forth between Yoongi and Namjoon. "Why? I mean, I'm not a god..."    Namjoon waived his hand while laughing, "Oh who cares. Any friend of Jungkook should come, that means you (Y/N) and hopefully you too Yoongi."    Yoongi scratched his head and muttered something about having too much to do before letting out a frustrated sigh and glancing back over at you. "Do you want to go (Y/N)?"    "What? Oh, well...I'm not much of a party person but I would like to be able to be there for Jungkook! Besides, it would be nice to meet your brothers and friends..." You let out the last part more quietly as you felt heat creep over your cheeks.    Yoongi let out another sigh before looking back over at Namjoon. "Fine, I'll go too. Under one condition, you go straight back after this. It took me ages to try to fix everything after your last accidental fire."    Namjoon gave a more embarrassed laugh this time but his smile didn't disappear as he said, "Sounds like a plan, stan!" Another loud crack and he was gone.    "I'm not Stan.." Yoongi muttered as you both started walking away. You couldn't help but laugh at that.    "It's a human saying Yoongs. So who was that guy?"    "Namjoon? Oh, you'd know him as Prometheus. He's interesting to talk to but I highly recommend you don't give him an easily breakable object. He could give Perses a run from his money on his job title."    "You know that reminds me, every time I ask Jungkook what his God name is he just laughs. Who is he?"    Yoongi's eyes narrowed at mine for a moment as he stopped walking. Finally, he lowered his head down to the ground as he slowly started forward again, "Jungkook is probably known to you as Apollo."    "I never took the god of music and sun as much of a trickster but that's interesting...so I suppose I'll get to meet your other friends at this birthday party?"    "Mmmm. I suppose if that's what you would call them."    "Well, what would you call them?"    Yoongi glanced back over, a smirk on the edge of his lips. "Annoyances, idiots, trouble-makers. If they are only close friends of Jungkook then this should be interesting, if it's many of the gods then you might want to be careful..." He stopped for a moment as he looked at you intently, his face hardened and the fleeting playfulness just a second earlier had vanished. "Not all the gods are as understanding about humans forgetting most of them. Many are petty and jealous, and most have never tasted defeat especially at the hand of a human. They might want to wage a fight...I don't think that will happen...but... I would rather that you stay close to me, many of them do not understand death and they fear me so you should be safe."    "They fear death, or they fear you?"    Again he held a steady gaze as he mulled the thoughts over. "Both for some, mostly just death. Gods can die, but it is not common and unlike humans, we will not walk again. The time that we have can be eternal, but we can also be broken and slaughtered. There used to be brutal wars of Gods fighting each other, but we finally have all come to a relative peace mostly because they fear death so much. You ask interesting questions <y/n>, but I again would rather that you ask them to me and not to the other gods. It's safer that way..."    You tried to give a smile to Yoongi as you turned back to him. "Thank you...really...I appreciate that you listen to me and answer me....and I look forward to uh...going to the party with you. Well...I uh...I suppose I should get something to eat."    With a courteous nod and the ghost of a smile, Hades left you at the entrance of the house to return to work.

+++    Unfortunately, the rest of the week went by far too quickly. Your head had been a mess and while you had managed to at least refocus and get back in routine at Uni the hours outside of it were spent with you trying not to shout out that you kind of sort of technically had a date with Yoongi. While he didn't say he was going because of you, he did say to stay close to him and as Hobi pointed out he also agreed to come after you said you were going. Your brain was practically a fireworks show when that thought first came to your head but as the days grew closer you were starting to feel heavy pangs of anxiety. There was the thought that you were just a human that constantly taunted you, the understanding that you had to come clean and tell Yoongi soon, the fear that this bizarre little haven in the underworld you had quickly grown attached to might no longer be there. It wasn't even so much of the fact that you might never come back, it wasn't even the easier lifestyle, it was the thought that once you finally told Yoongi everything might come crashing down.    Hobi had told you that you should just get it over with and tell Yoongi as quickly as possible, and also warned you that Yoongi desperately hated parties and to not tell him the day of or the day after as he tended to be far angrier then. While the words were in a sense helpful, they were not comforting.    You weren't sure how but you had gotten Yoongi to agree to pick you up and get coffee with you again on Friday, and the feeling of butterflies and anxiety had melted together in your stomach until they formed deep knots as you awkwardly gazed at him over your matcha latte. You had tried to form a plan, at the best of it you figured that you would tell Yoongi everything over coffee far away from the Styx and hope that all would go well. The last few mornings Hoseok had been hyping you up and you were starting to finally feel prepared. Hoseok was right, there was no sense in waiting and hoping that something would happen. If you wanted something you would have to grab it yourself.    "So...how's school?" Yoongi's words stopped your thoughts and you squinted down at the drink as you tried to remember English.    "Ah, good. Say Yoongi...I uhh..." You wanted to listen to Hoseok's warning of 'just say it outright, he's too thick to understand otherwise' but you felt suddenly unsure and afraid as you looked across at him. "So, this party tomorrow. Umm..Namjoon never said what time it begins. When should we leave?"    Yoongi's gaze darkened as he looked down into his coffee. "Hmm...well they never really set a time. You just, kind of show up. I would probably say to leave after breakfast, I'm assuming that's when everything will begin. I should warn you, they'll want this to go on overnight and things can easily get out of hand...if you are ever uncomfortable just let me know and we can go. Under no circumstances do you have to stay if you don't want to, and you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I want you to understand that I'm here to help."    The knots seemed to loosen and a comforting warmth rushed through you at his words. "I...thank you Yoongi. I really mean it. I know you don't like these kinds of things so if you want to leave too, I'll go back home. It won't be much fun without you, and...I would rather be with you..." You concentrated down at your now empty cup as a blush climbed up your chest all the way up to your ears. Finally, you stole a quick glance and saw the most radiant gummy smile directed at you. While you had failed to confess and in that sense, this coffee 'date' had been a failure it had at the very least succeeded in melting away anxiety. No matter what Jungkook's party would bring, no matter the fact that you were just a human, no matter the fact that he didn't know he liked you, you at the very least had Hades by your side and that made all the difference.   

+++++ A/N

Okay, so I know that this is both rushed and also moving slowly but I’m already buried in homework and I wanted to get something out instead of just sitting on this forever. I actually had planned for this to be more the ‘big confession’ moment but it seemed too rushed when I did that. That being said the next chapter will most def. have some smut. Thank you for the love and I really appreciate you guys reading this mess!

Also for those who had to scroll by this in mobile, I’m hoping that the staff fixes the update so that the read more option works again soon!

[kayla1993-world]

‘It wrecked everything for everybody,’ Calgary mall bans students during the day

Frustration is mounting for hundreds of hungry school students after a northeast Calgary mall barred them from entering during the day. During lunch hour on Monday, students who headed to the Village Square Mall for a bite to eat instead found security guards and a note posted by property management banning their entry, leaving them with fewer options for lunch. That note on the door reads, "Effective October 1st, 2022, the students of Lester B. Pearson High School and Clarence Sansom School are not allowed in Village Square Mall from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily. There will be a security guard at each entrance door to monitor progress and ask the students to leave the property. Those who refuse to leave the property will be reported to the school constable and could be fined and/or charged with trespassing. Students believe the measures taken by mall management aren’t right. "We’re not gonna have anywhere to go at lunch. It’s just not fair to us, to be honest," says student Kennedy Schuler. Schuler’s friend and classmate, Aaliyah Whitman-Samir, says because of the ban, "students don’t really have anywhere to go, and that was kind of our place. I feel like we had more options and now we’re kind of limited to certain options." Other students say that the ban in place, it isn’t just hurting those looking for lunch, but those who serve it as well. "I don’t want to be rude, but we were basically the ones that were giving them business," says Grade 11 student Ahmed Thome. "I just feel like it wrecked everything for everybody," he adds. Several restaurant owners at the food court, including Tann Van, agree that the ban is bad for business. The owner of Van’s Café has been serving hundreds of teenagers lunch daily for nearly a decade. However, on Monday, the food court was empty, and his food went to waste. "We cook, but we cannot sell. Usually, at lunchtime, a lot of kids come in, very busy. Today, nothing," says Van. However, not everyone is upset about banning students from the shopping center. Hapreet Singh, who works in the mall, says he and some of the other employees were fearful for their safety, adding "every day the mall was damaged." Singh says he has worked in the mall for nearly six years, and now that the ban is in place, he says Monday afternoon was a completely different atmosphere—he’s never heard the mall so calm and quiet. "It felt weird when I came in. It was empty, there was no noise, no screaming, it just felt different," says Singh. Global News has reached out to the property management group for comment about what prompted the ban or how long it will last but has not yet received a response. The Calgary Board of Education says it is aware of the situation, and while it doesn’t know if CBE students are involved in any issues inside the mall, it expects its students to be good citizens inside and outside the classroom.

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

i’m a little stressed/nervous for Saturday-Monday.. my school has a debate class, and we have to participate in debates at other schools. Saturday we are hosting the tournament, which is the reason i’m stressed, and Monday i’m going to my first debate tournament and i’m really stressed about it.. i mean, confidence is key, and i’m a nervous wreck, i can’t even look confident! i have so many nervous habits that will mess up my partner and i’s chance at winning.. sorry to bother you with this -Ari

Hey it’s okay! I completely understand. I did debate myself and for me it was a nerve-wrecking experience, mainly because I’m not quite good at thinking on my feet. But I am thankful for the experience that I gained from it.

It is perfectly normal to be stressed about a new experience though! It’s your first time encountering it and your mind has no learned neural pathways for it. Thus, since you don’t know what to expect, your brain is just basically bombarding you with ERROR messages.

It’s like, your brain is a big dumb horse. It sees a plastic bag (or in this case a new experience) and immediately balks. Because it doesn’t know what it is, it’s foreign and thus it could hurt them. So it’s better to run away from it than face it. We humans like the easy path, and doing something that is both new and challenging  is the exact opposite of that path. 

Your brain is trying to protect you by warning against going down the hard path. Because in your brain’s point of view, new experience = life-threatening.

But you’re not the horse. You’re the rider--you’re the one in charge. Yes, it’s important to listen to your horse at times--but you shouldn’t let it become the one in charge. Or in this case, let the fear your brain is producing overrun you.

I’m not sure if you’d ever ridden, but it’s important for riders to act confidently while they’re in the saddles or otherwise the horse will sense uncertainty and try to wrestle power away from you. You might not feel confident at all--and that’s completely okay! But it’s like that old adage, you gotta fake it until you make it. Be mindful of the effect self-fulfilling prophecies have towards the mindset you have towards potential experiences. 

I’m sure you’ve done prep work leading up to this week for the debate, and as long as you do your best--that’s all that really matters! I’m rooting for you!

[alisamaefawn394]

I can’t believe that it’s been over three years since my S5 spinal cord injury. My life hasn’t been the same since, not at all.

I was brushed off my doctors when I first went to them with this injury, and it took three trips to a fracture clinic with both my wrist and spine for anyone to even x ray. I couldn’t walk or feel my legs properly, I was utterly dysfunctional but it was ‘just for attention’, until they saw that X-ray.

After the accident, I felt more tired than usual. My heart would race, I’d feel dizzy, I’d sometimes even collapse. My eating habits changed and I lost weight, my pain increased and my joints became more lax. I knew something wasn’t right, but my GP just said it was low morning blood sugar. I knew it was something more.

Due to the unusual status of my injuries, I was referred to a rheumatologist whom I saw almost three months after my injury (January 18) when I was back to semi-normal and I could use my wrist again. He said he feared I had anyone of: rheumatoid arthritis, marfans, haemachromatosis, coeliac, a heart condition, a thyroid problem. So he sent me for tests: a bone density scan, more blood tests than I can count, heart scans and ecgs, mris and xrays.

For many of these things, they took months to come through, and I was getting worse every day. My bien density scan cane back as slightly abnormal, my blood tests showed various deficiencies despite my good diet, the mris and xrays cane back as clear besides the fractures and scoliosis that were already acknowledged, and after all of that, it was still almost a year (December 18) before I had the heart scan.

Around October and November 2018, a year after my injury, I couldn’t cope. I’d come home from school and sleep for hours. I’d eat half the house and still lose weight. I’d collapse in dance class. My heart symptoms were getting increasingly worse, the pain around my s5 injury was worse, and I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I had the scan, and it came back on the border of normal. “You have this stuff in family history, don’t worry for now.” They told me, “but we still want you to have a 21 day ECG because of the symptoms you’re describing.” We don’t hear back from them for a while. Christmas happens, I go away for a few days on a city retreat and find I can barely walk and I faint often, the day I get back I collapse with chest pain and heart palpitations to the point my heart stops. Ambulance is called, abnormal reading, I choose not to go to the hospital, and I move on with my life. I celebrate New Years, i spend time with my gorgeous boyfriend, I party, I start back at school, I try to complete my mocks; all of this fails dramatically. Two weeks after the first ambulance, another is called, and this time? I have to go to hospital because my heart readings are through the roof and the area around my spinal injury is criminally swollen.

Hospital was fine, spent some time there, refused to spend the night, went back to school on Monday, was called to the hospital to get this 3 week ECG fitted as an emergency on Tuesday. I did my dance exam the next wednesday, with the machine on. Throughout it all, I missed some of my mocks from my pain and heart symptoms, and I even collapsed at my friends party because my heart was going at 150 BPM and wouldn’t slow. On January 26th 2019, I went to another party and drank a lot. I could, i was allowed. On January 28th I woke up feeling awful, chest pain and dizziness and heart palpitations and agony in my spine; just a lingering hangover I told myself. Not even an hour in school and I’m slumped on the floor and being rushed to hospital.

Within the expanse of just a day at the hospital, I’d deteriorated to the point that I was unresponsive, and yet no one wanted to do anything with me. I couldn’t speak or move or eat or drink or even get to the bathroom in my own. I just lay there, unconscious or crying. My heart was going from 30BPM to 150BPM in a matter of seconds, I couldn’t lie on my back, and it wasn’t looking good at all.

A week in the hospital later, various tablets and accusations that I’m marking it up, scans and procedures and blood tests galore, machines stopping working and more needles than I’d care to remember, I get the news. Ehlers Danlos syndrome, type 3, previously overlooked as simply being a bit bendy. Postural Orthodtatic Tachycardia syndrome, the cardiac symptoms feeling equal to chronic heart failure, the root of all of my heart and dizziness problems. Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, aka ME or CFS, one of this most crippling diseases with the lowest quality of life, the root of my fatigue. Chronic pain & fibromyalgia, pretty self explanatory. And what triggered all of these things? An untreated and ignored S5 spinal cord injury.

The accident that caused this injury gave my body such a trauma that it began to retaliate with these conditions. One fall and it wrecked my life forever. More than three years ago, and I’ve never been the same. More than three years ago, and I’ll never dance again.

[guessmonsta]

TENDOU'S S/O TRACING THE FRECKLES AND SCARS ON HIS BODY AND ASKING HIM THE STORIES BEHIND EACH ONE AND IT'S JUST CUTE HAPPY SHIT AND IT'S ALL CUDDLES AND KISSES AND THEY BOTH MIGHT BE NAKED BUT THERE'S NO SEX JUST BOTH BEING REAL COMFORTABLE AND TOTALLY IN LOVE NOBODY CAN WRITE THIS BUT YOU I AM 18823987% SURE

This ask was so pure I’m blessed… T/W for mentions of self harm

Lazy Saturday mornings were always Tendou’s favorite. It wasn’t that he was necessarily lazy himself, but the euphoric feeling of not having to wake up, take four shots of espresso, and finish three reports he had procrastinated on for two weeks on was an amazing change. Well, maybe Tendou was a bit lazy.

Tendou didn’t even feel like moving from his small space on the bed. He took lethargic interest with the way the sun cast through the blinds and how Mourning Doves vied for attention. He could roll over and fall back asleep, if he wanted to. Though, he was right on the edge of the bed and his girlfriend was still asleep on his chest, and he’d rather take a bullet than risk waking her up. He yawned, then noticed her stir for a moment before nuzzling back into him. At this point, Tendou was willing to stop breathing. She looked so peaceful, and Tendou couldn’t quite remember the last time he had actually seen __ with her eyes closed. She still harbored remarkable purple eye bags, though, to which Tendou made a mental note to tease her about later.

After about twenty minutes or so, Tendou didn’t oppose the idea of waking her up so much any longer. His mind wandered to places he’d rather not go when he wasn’t occupied with something. He figured he could just leave the bed and do something in the living room, but he knew for a fact the rest of the apartment would be absolutely freezing; February did not treat them nice. He slowly turned to his side instead, cupping her head in his hand and placing her down on the pillow next to him. She whined and burrowed herself in the duvet, still asleep, but gaining conscious. Tendou smirked, tugged the duvet out of her loosened hands and flipped her onto her back. He sat up and positioned himself above her and threw one leg over her side. He leaned down and pressed his lips against her neck softly, going in for a kiss, but decided against it. Instead he blew, hard, right against the part of her neck he knew was the most sensitive.

Almost immediately, she was up and screaming, her hands on his shoulders attempting to pull him away. He smirked and continued blowing raspberries, effortlessly grabbing her arms and pinning them above her head. She writhed underneath him, giggling incomprehensible words and attempting to kick him off of her. Usually, she’d have him flat on his ass in the matter of thirty seconds, but catching him at her most delirious gave him a definite advantage. After a while, he figured he had tortured her enough, her chest still heaving and a long, drawled out cuss spilling from her lips. He cut himself off with a wet smack to the red spot on her neck, which instantaneously quieted her down, too. She was completely awake, now, and able to rip her arms away from his and sit up. She merely looked him in the eyes, saying nothing. She used the fabric of the duvet to wipe his saliva from her neck, to which she grimaced, not noticeably, but Tendou noticed.

“You know, Satori, sweetheart…” __ sniffled in a broken voice. “For someone who pays all your damn rent, that was sure a lovely way to thank me.” Tendou smiled sheepishly, looking down at her from his seat between her legs.

“Not gonna say anything? Okay…” She shook her head and smiled, stretching her arms behind her head and cracking her back before snaking them around Tendou’s neck. “You’re so lucky I love you.”

“I know I am.” Tendou hummed, cupping her chin. She flinched, making sure he wasn’t going back for her neck again, before leaning into his touch.

“Now you’ve got something to say, huh?” She chuckled. She grabbed his hips and guided him off of her, leaving him laying on his back as she sat cross legged, rubbing her eyes. “If this thing is still here when I go to work on Monday and my boss asks me what it is, I dunno if I tell him the truth or make up a much more believable lie.”

“What’s so unbelievable about raspberries?” Tendou laughed.

“We’re twenty, that’s what.”

She finished rubbing her eyes and rolled herself on top of him, straddling his waist as he had hers seconds ago. Absentmindedly, she traced the skin on his bare chest, and Tendou thought she was either incredibly amused with how his skin felt or she was still in a sleepy haze. He didn’t mind though, watching her with a lovestruck grin on his face. He watched her as she slid her hand across his chest to his shoulders, and her fingertips taking sudden interest with his freckles.

“You know what I’ve always found odd?” She said, her pointer finger drawing triangles into his skin, presumably a shape his freckles had made.

“Hm?”

“You’ve got freckles everywhere, except your face.”

“Oh please, don’t say that’s odd.” Tendou snorted. The way her fingertips were running across his shoulders and chest made him sigh, suddenly. “Do you know how much more shit I would’ve gotten from people?”

“Aw darling, don’t say that.” __ cooed, scooting herself back on his lap to kiss at his shoulders.

“I kno-ow.”

“Anyways, I dunno about you, but I think the freckles are gorgeous. They add to your dorky charm.” Tendou shook his head, the silly smile on his face growing wider. He had to bite his lip to contain it. She traced the freckles on his chest and stomach next, drawing shapes and what he could only presume were constellations. The only time she stopped was to mutter, “that looks like a jellyfish”, as she traced a cluster of freckles on his stomach. Tendou didn’t really care what his freckles looked like, all he could focus on was her. Every time she ran her fingertips across his skin a jolt ran up his spine, because even after years of her touch, he was still starved for it. He found himself absentmindedly closing his eyes, even if he was trying so hard to focus on the beautiful little amused smile on her face. Tendou gave into the heaviness of his eyes and chuckled, he was absolutely living. His eyes fluttered back open when __ started fingering with the elastic of his boxers, pulling them down slightly to reveal his hips.

“Satori, darling.” Her fingertips traced gently over the puffy lines on his hip. “How did you get these?” With anyone else, Tendou would’ve been a nervous wreck discussing the scars on his body, but with her, he couldn’t feel more sane.

“I put ‘em there myself.”

She frowned, but didn’t stop brushing her fingers over them.

“How come I’ve never noticed these?” She frowned, taking the other side of his boxers and pulling them down completely, sliding them off his legs and throwing it to the edge of the bed. “You’ve got a lot, huh?”

Her fingertips moved from his hips to his upper thighs, rubbing at similar puffy scars. Tendou just watched her stare at them, the admiration her eyes once held, gone. The love hadn’t fled, though. In fact, Tendou swore he could see it more.

“I never really pointed them out ‘cause there was no need to.” Tendou shrugged, meeting her eyes. “It’s all in the past. I really don’t feel like that anymore, you know.”

“I know.” Her eyes flickered from his back down to the scars on his thighs. “Can I? Can I, uh…” She shifted himself so that she was face level with his thighs, and ever so softly, pressed a gentle kiss against the scarred areas. He gasped, not out of fear or disgust, but out of pure and utter shock.

“Ba-abe.” Tendou whined, throwing his hands up to his cheeks. “My heart’s gonna explode.”

She looked up at him, mouth agape, before pouting, and pecking another series of kisses along his right thigh. Although Tendou was used to the proximity between her and him, this entire gesture made his heart beat rapidly in his chest. When she shifted her weight and nuzzled into his other thigh, Tendou swore he giggled. He covered his mouth and cheeks with his hand, the latter burning furiously. He did this until she traced a trail of kisses up his stomach and pulled herself up completely, moving his hand away from his mouth herself. She then kissed his lips, short and sweet, before pulling him into a hug.

“I love you.” Tendou muttered into the tresses of her hair in his face.

“I love you too, my perfect angel.”

She gave him one last squeeze before sliding back on the bed. She sat cross legged by his knees, patting on her legs to signal him to kick his up onto hers. He did, careful not to force his weight on her too hard. She then took one of his legs in her hands, running her fingertips up his calves.

“I love how even your leg hair is ginger, wow.” She chuckled, sarcastically. “Makes it easy to see your pale ass skin, though.”

“It’s hard to imagine just two fucking seconds ago you called me your perfect angel, wow.” Tendou mocked her, lightly kicking her in the chest. She laughed, tightening her grip on his calf. He laughed with her.

She continued with her soft touches for a while, sending Tendou back into a relaxed state. After a while though, she stopped, pressing her finger over a certain part on his leg.

“How’d you get this?” __ asked. Tendou sat up and looked at the scar she was pointing at, a dark brown one sitting above his ankle. “It’s the only scar on your legs.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” Tendou shook his head. “In my last year of elementary school, my class took a field trip to a petting zoo, and since I was actually ten years old, I thought it would be hysterical to chase after a bunch of chickens-”

“Tendou Satori don’t you dare tell me you got a permanent scar from a flock of chickens.”

“Oh yeah I did. Don’t regret it one bit.” Tendou laughed at the way she shook her head, muttering something about, “I can’t believe I fell in love with you.” After that, she decided to leave his legs alone. She had him flip on his stomach, next, which Tendou had no complaints about. He loved the feeling of nails on his back, and if she took her time there like she did everywhere else, Tendou swore he would fall back to sleep in an instant.

The moment her fingertips brushed against his shoulder blades, Tendou had already melted. He audibly sighed, nuzzing his face into the pillow. He could hear her giggle from behind him, continuing to touch him.

“What are all the scars up by your shoulders from?” She asked him, running the palm of her hand across the nape of his neck to the small of his back.

“Acne scars, babe.”

“Oh.” She peeped. “Sorry.” She leaned in, her palm flat on his back, and kissed his nape gently.

“For what?” He laughed, flopping back down into the pillow. “This is literally the best day of my li-ife.”

Tendou swore he had reached Nirvana in those next five or so minutes. She traced all the freckles on his back, from where his hairline stopped to where his tail bone lay. He’d sigh every so often, the only indication he was giving her that he was awake. There was a point where she was doing nothing in particular, just scratching up and down his back softly, making his eyelids droop. He swore he was on the brink of passing out once more, just one more gentle touch, but she paused, her hand leaving his skin for a moment before it came in sharp contact with his bum. He whined in protest, but that was covered by her booming laughter.

“Wha’ was that for?” He mumbled, lifting his head up from the pillow to look at her.

“You have freckles on your bum. I thought it was cute.”

“So you slapped me-e?”

“Well, all’s fair in love and war.” She smiled fictitiously. “That wasn’t half as bad as the raspberry.”

Tendou shook his head, leaning across the bed to grab her in his arms. He held her there for a moment before throwing himself back onto the bed. She squealed, although she was silenced by Tendou pressing his lips against hers. She broke away then kissed him again, starting a cycle of soft lips moving against each other while hands roamed. Tendou parted away after a while, resting his forehead against hers.

“I love you…” Was all he said before kissing her again.

Times like these were just his absolute favorite.

[cariposa1990]

Update

So needless to say I have been away for awhile now. I think the last time I actually wrote anything i was still in the hospital.

Well a lot has happened since then. I finally finished my last round of chemo on the 31st of october Happy Halloween to me best treat ever lol

I found a dialysis center after about a month of not being able to get dialyzed i finally found one but it took me going back into the hospital to finally get one. This time around I was only there for like a week or so. My life has pretty much been non stop doctors appointments and dialysis. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are dialysis days and tuesday and thursday are days for doctors appointments. I was finally declared acute renal failure which basically means my kidney wont recover and i will be on dialysis long term, i haven't really given it much thought nor have i really had time to sit down and dwell on anything. It's pretty much just go, go, go.

To be honest part of me accepts it but another part of me the part of me that believes in a higher power believes that anything is possible and you never know, the possibilities are always endless and nothing is impossible for God.

We are walking into december already and my schedule for the next couple of weeks is looking crazy af. I basically have no days off for anything i have something going on everyday till like the third week of December. To be honest I don't mind being busy but dame, I also wouldn't mind some time off. Lol

I'm also trying to go back to school, i said once I was done with my last round of chemo I wanted to look into that.

So hopefully sometime next week after Thanksgiving break i can go look into it.

I have another surgery coming up in like a week or so its scheduled for the first week of December, it's basically to bring my fistula up more to the surface, the first surgery went well i was so scared because as much as only getting local anesthetic sucks going completely under always holds some kind of fear still. So i have like a week to prepare... mentally mostly, I know everything will be ok but still going into any type of surgery or procedure is always nerve wrecking.

I can only cross my fingers and pray that it's over soon and I don't wake up in a shit ton of pain. Like i said before having multiple autoimmune diseases makes dealing with pain different than your average person.

So in the spirit of giving thanks i guess i should mention something i'm thankful for since tomorrow is thanksgiving.

I am thankful for many things family, friends, my doctors. That's the average mundane answer but to be honest i’m just thankful to be alive to be out of the hospital don't get me wrong i am thankful for all of those things my family friends all of it. But im also thankful for the small things every day that im home that I get to spend time with my baby nephew. Or the weekends that I get to spend with my brat. The drives that I get to take with my hoe, or the fact that the other day Bugz and me got to finally have a girls night out and celebrate my last round of chemo.

I don’t think i tell them enough how much they all mean to me. But I don't think I could get through half the things i do without them. I'll never get tired of saying that.

I am thankful that this is the first year that i am making thanksgiving dinner for my family

I feel like it's such a blessing to be able to do that. My mom is in charge of just decorating and making the rice because I can't make the rice without it coming out mushy lol so she's only making that everything else im making and im excited.

So Happy Thanksgiving to you beautiful person. I'm also grateful for you reading this i send light and blessings your way.

What are you grateful for?

[megamikethomson]

Ande gradel observed her dad’s footsteps in winning a boxing name at notre dame: ‘ladies can do whatever men can do. It’s very empowering.’

A younger boy sporting a hat: ande gradel of naperville, a scholar at notre dame, within the basement of the joyce middle in the boxing room. Gradel is making ready for a charity boxing event on campus starting this week. © warren skalski / chicago tribune/chicago tribune/tns ande gradel of naperville, a scholar at notre dame, in the basement of the joyce middle in the boxing room. Gradel is getting ready for a charity boxing occasion on campus starting this week. Allow’s start with nicknames.. The hoop announcer needs something to work with … “macho” camacho, “boom increase” mancini, “bonecrusher” smith, “hitman” hearns. Wednesday night time at notre dame, a crowd on the duncan student middle will cheer on “complete throttle” gradel, a superb moniker considering the competitor’s final name is reported grah-dl. A group of human beings standing in a room: notre dame's ande gradel talks with train nathan walker as molly giglia looks on. © warren skalski / chicago tribune/chicago tribune/tns notre dame's ande gradel talks with train nathan walker as molly giglia seems on. The boxer’s first call is ande and she takes place to be a blonde with best teeth. She’s a civil engineering major jonesing for a black eye due to the fact “that might look unwell, very intimidating.”are there every other stereotypes she’d like to knock out? Gradel, 21, is vying to grow to be the maximum embellished boxer within the circle of relatives, having already gained  titles in notre dame’s baraka bouts event. Father ted “the truth” gradel received a bengal bouts identify in 1986, a year earlier than he kicked 14 subject goals and 33 greater factors for lou holtz’s eight-4 crew. Massive sister francie, now a first-12 months law scholar at arizona state, gained  titles. The hoop announcer introduced her as “dr. Cool.”

dorina vaccaroni et al. Posing for the digicam: notre dame student ande gradel, left, after a victory in the 2018 baraka bouts tournament on campus. © michael l bennett / handout/chicago tribune/tns notre dame scholar ande gradel, left, after a victory in the 2018 baraka bouts match on campus. Why dr. Cool?

“i used to be talking with ande one day and she said: ‘you can pretty much select whatever as lengthy as it’s no longer some thing dumb like mr. Cool,’ ” francie recalls. “i modified it to physician so it become gender neutral.”

the fact is the gradels love boxing nearly as an awful lot as they love one another. That’s pronouncing plenty due to the fact that is a tight-knit circle of relatives of five from naperville, even though ted is vying for a task that could require commuting to washington. He’s going for walks for congress, a republican contender hoping to win his birthday party’s nomination and undertaking first-time period democratic rep. Lauren underwood. Lou holtz narrated his introductory video. A group of people posing for the digital camera: ted gradel, left, after defeating john weber, proper, inside the finals of the 1986 bengal bouts boxing event on notre dame's campus. © handout/chicago tribune/tns ted gradel, left, after defeating john weber, proper, within the finals of the 1986 bengal bouts boxing match on notre dame's campus. His campaign slogan: “he kicked footballs in university. He’ll kick tails in congress.”

ande gradel, a pupil at notre dame, in the boxing room in the basement of the joyce center. © warren skalski / chicago tribune/chicago tribune/tns ande gradel, a student at notre dame, within the boxing room in the basement of the joyce center. His daughters kick butt in the ring.‘it’s very empowering’ande is 135 kilos of electricity. Her motto: “all gas, no spoil.”

“she once punched a female through the ropes,” her father says. Francie, now jabbing simplest with fellow law students within the wilderness, had an even greater aggressive, less protective fashion. She thrived in the army rotc application.“dr. Cool”? With “sgt.Says ted: “it’s a pleasant feeling to understand that they can guard themselves and keep their personal in any setting.”

ted started out boxing after attending the historic bengal bouts as a freshman. Knute rockne first prepared boxing tournaments on notre dame’s campus in 1920. The bengal bouts were created in 1931 as a fundraiser to advantage the province of east bengal, india (now bangladesh). The only-night occasion drew 2,000 fans and raised $500. The girls fight inside the fall — wednesday’s quarterfinals, monday’s semifinals and nov. 17 finals. An all-consultation skip fees $20, or $15 from a boxer, and proceeds advantage holy pass missions in east africa. The 2018 baraka bouts raised greater than $220,000 to construct facilities for colleges in uganda. Baraka manner “blessing” in swahili.“it’s a blessing for us due to the fact we’re truely creating a big difference,” says nathan walker, notre dame’s director of the guys’s and girls’s boxing golf equipment. The guys’s competition is what first drew ted to the game within the ‘80s. He competed as a sophomore, recalling that he couldn't carry his arms after the primary round, which lasted two minutes.

“i got beat up by way of a leprechaun,” he jokes, relating to a fighter who absolutely did don the irish gown for soccer video games. Ted worked out with a heavy bag inside the basement of the circle of relatives home. The walk-on kicker taught his daughters a way to address however not to punch. They located boxing on their personal, longing for a annoying exercise, friendship with like-minded girls and the pride derived from, well, punching people inside the face. Ted, like all dad, says he changed into “concerned and fearful” while francie and ande discovered their plans to field at notre dame. They talked thru their reasoning with ted and wife sarah. In the end, francie and ande laid down their trump card: “you’re there and we’re right here.”

asked if pals questioned their daughters’ choice to box, ted replies: “no, i suppose the general public are intrigued and surprised in a nice manner. There’s extra of a motion in the direction of empowering women. This a tangible example.”indeed, as a freshman ande watched her buddies duke it out and decided she desired in.i thought it turned into coolest thing ever,” she says. “seeing the whole show, it pulled me in. … it’s cool to no longer just talk the talk however walk the walk. Ladies can do some thing men can do. It’s very empowering.”walker says the gradel sisters have comparable fighting patterns, ranging from competitive to hyper-competitive.they have grit; they’re difficult,” walker says. “nobody might be more potent than them inside the ring. Ande isn't always afraid to take a punch. That takes away numerous the concern.”francie “cornered” for ande final yr, and one of the coaches joked at some stage in ande’s title run: “i don’t assume we ever taught a 40-punch mixture.”

‘holy right move’

after a exercising, gradel joins near pal and fellow boxer molly giglia at o’rourke’s, throughout angela boulevard from notre dame’s campus. We communicate approximately the grotto, and that i ask for ande’s favored spot on campus. No marvel, it’s where she trains six days every week inside the basement of the joyce middle.

“the pit,” she says. “that’s our basilica. Wait, is that sacrilegious to say?”

giglia and gradel are both captains, tasked with teaching younger students the basics of boxing. They wreck into a chant: “stance, toes, knees, facets, elbow, fingers, shin.”a reminder accompanies everyone part. Balls of the toes. Moderate bend to the knees. Get narrow. Elbows in to shield the scoring vicinity. Hand protecting the again of the face.we cause them to repeat it lots,” ande says. “they should hate us for it.”

violence is inherent in boxing, but baraka bouts isn't always most effective the arena’s largest women’s boxing club, with 260 contributors, in step with walker. It strives to be the safest. Ringside physicians reveal boxers sporting headgear, mouthguards and modern gloves. Giglia has boxed on the grounds that her junior year in excessive schooL

“i got three concussions from football,” she says. “one changed into from the ball. The second one was the aim put up. The 0. 33 … i overlook how i got that one. I feel a lot more secure boxing.”gradel, who overcame juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, has taken frame blows to the chest, something she describes as “now not nice.”

she also is inclined to dole them out, pronouncing: “once i step in that ring, i’m all about winning. Out of it, i’m exceptional.”before she steps in wednesday for the first of three 75-second rounds, she can be delivered as “complete throttle gradel.”giglia turned into tabbed “holy proper pass” as a primary-12 months student and “infamous mmg” as a sophomore. Now she’s in 12 months 2 with “the silent g,” an ode to her final call and boxing style.you never see her coming,” gradel says. “she’s so calm within the ring. I'm no longer like that.”

©2019 the chicago tribune

 go to the chicago tribune at  https://boxingday.in/

[trentteti]

A Look at the September 2019 LSAT

The scores for the September 2019 LSAT were released this Monday, a cause for celebration and consternation for those who took that test. But, for disclosed tests like September, score-release day is also test-release day. On these days, LSAC releases this exam to the public. Us LSAT instructors can marvel at a shiny new object, revel in the new games and passages as we journey through the exam, and attempt to identify trends that can help us discern what future exams may behold.

We’ve just journeyed backwards and forwards through the September 2019 exam, and we’ve just come out the other side with hard-won knowledge and a newfound fear of flowers (seriously, we’ll get to that flower game soon). And, as is our wont, we’ll now accompany you through another journey through this exam. But beware: these posts are always a long and windy road, a veritable field trip through the questions that confronted September test takers. So grab your sack lunch, get your parent or legal guardian to sign the permission slip, and jump into this poorly chaperoned school bus as we put the … ahem … petal to metal and drive through the September 2019 exam.

Logic Games

• We usually start these field trips with Logical Reasoning (we abide by bird rules at Most Strongly Supported — the largest bird section gets first spot in the pecking order), but the talk of this test was the Logic Games section. Boy, did people ever hate the living guts out of this LG section. We were pretty eager to take a look at this section, given the opprobrium thrown its way. So how did it stack up to supposed infamy?

It was definitely a hard section. That much we cannot deny. However, none of the individual games can bang with some of the hardest games of recent exams. Nothing here really touched game four of the July 2019 test, or of the December 2017 test — to say nothing of the curveballs thrown on some of the 2014-16 exams. Heck, there wasn’t even a rule substitution question in this section, which would be a rare treat on a more typical games section. Two things made this games section a little troublesome, though: (1) there wasn’t an outright easy game — the one that warms up your analytical reasoning muscles (wherever those may be located) and builds your confidence for the rest of the section; and (2) the order of the games was a bit unusual — which I imagine compounded test takers’ frustrations.

• The first game was probably the second hardest of the section, which is very unusual. The first game is typically the aforementioned calisthenics- and confidence-boosting one. This game was one of two combo games on this exam (tough break for our in-house prognosticator, by the way, who predicted there wouldn’t be any combo games on this test). We had to select five of eight kittens and puppies– given legitimately aww-inspiring names (seriously, I didn’t know the test writers had this level of charm in them) like Jaguar and Scamp and Wags — to display at a rescue shelter’s adoption event. So that’s the grouping element. But there would be five sequentially numbered pens, one through five, in which we’d place the five chosen pets. So that’s the ordering. Plus, since we were dealing with both kittens and puppies, however, we had to also create a tier of slots in our set-up, which was a lot.

Many test takers complained about this game being super time-consuming. I imagine many of those people rushed headlong, like a puppy to a postal carrier, into the questions. It did take me a long minute to determine the best way to construct scenarios in this game — I ended up making a set of scenarios based on whether two very constrained puppies were selected or not. But these scenarios made the questions super easy. That said, the novelty of the game, the complexity of the set-up, and the hidden cruelty in the tableau (seriously, why not take all the animals to find their forever home at the adoption event?), made this an inauspicious start.

• Next up was a rare “circle” game. And, goodness, do test takers lose their marbles at the sight of a “circle” game. It happened in July of 2018. And it happened again in September of 2019. If you, dear reader, were alarmed by the sight of this circle game, or if you are trembling at the thought of receiving a circle game on a later exam, I have an insider secret to reveal. Lean in close to your monitor, so you can see the next italicized paragraph as clearly as possible. Read over it a few a times if you need to. Absorb it into the very fiber of your being …

Literally no one is forcing you to make your set-up resemble a circle on a “circle” game.

Seriously, just set up so-called “circle” games like a normal 1-to-1 ordering game. Now, you do have to remember that the last slot is “next to” the first slot. Maybe draw an arrow from the last slot to the first one. But the biggest barrier of entry to these circle games is just the novelty of the set-up. So why not just use a set-up you’re familiar with?

Once you have a basic, familiar set-up, you’d realize that this was a fairly straightforward ordering game. There was a block, which apparently could only go in five places. Once you made a set of five scenarios with that block, you’d realize the block could actually only go in three places. You’d answer the questions quickly with your scenarios. Unlike your fellow test takers, your mind would not be spinning in circles.

• As I mentioned earlier, I heard a lot about the so-called “flower game,” which came third. Literally every test taker I spoke to — and most test takers who regaled their experiences online — mentioned this game. Usually with a twinge of trauma in their voice. So I was super excited to check this game out. Based on descriptions, it seemed like it a game without precedent. A sui generis creation. Something that perhaps an LSAT instructor could, from afar, admire as a beautiful and unique creation, but for the test takers who had to grapple with it, a thorny, tear-producing thing — um, not unlike a flower. As a fan of flowers both real and metaphoric, I was pretty excited to check this game out.

This game, however, wasn’t quite the unique creation many claimed it to be. It was, a few twists aside, a fairly standard underbooked stable grouping game. A game in which you’re given a certain number of groups, each with a defined size. In this case, we had five people making flower arrangements, with each arrangement containing exactly four flowers. But, since the game only provided us with four different kinds flowers to use, this game was severely underbooked — certain flowers would recur not only in different people’s arrangements, but sometimes an individual would use a flower more than once in their arrangement. Such games have been a staple of recent exams, having appeared on the June 2019, June 2018, June 2017 and December 2015 exams. They’ve been so prominent that even our frequently wrong predictor was able to accurately predict that the third game would be an underbooked stable grouping on this exam.

There were a few things that were weird with this game, though. For one, the fact that there were five people and four flowers may have led some test takers to believe that the flowers were the groups and the people the players (usually the more numerous variable set should function as “the players” and the less numerous the “groups” in your set-up). But, since we knew how exactly how many flowers would be contained in each person’s arrangement, that variable set had to be the groups. Additionally, the fact that some flowers could go more than once in an individual group is pretty unique on these types of games. Finally, a rule that required each person to have three different types of flowers in their set-up was an added complexity that did, truly, make this game more difficult.

But this game shared some similarities with many recent games — such as the first game of the November 2018 LSAT, the fourth game on the June 2018 LSAT, the first game of the December 2017 LSAT, and the fourth game of the June 2017 LSAT — in that you had to make methodical, restriction-based deductions from the rules. The limited number of flowers to choose from meant that once you were able to determine that one or two types of flowers couldn’t go in a person’s arrangement, you’d have a pretty good idea of what that arrangement looked like. And mostly these deductions came from knowing what the words “exactly” and “at least” mean. And like almost every recent game, there was a rule that created a couple of super solid scenarios.

If this game wrecked your September test day and has induced flora-based nightmares since, please don’t take all this the wrong way — this was still a quite difficult game! And of course, it’s much easier for someone to figure a game out in a comfortable and untimed environment than it would be during the mad dash of test day. But — and this was also true of the preceding “circle” game — games like these are always easier if you assume you’ve done something like it before (you probably have) and use a set-up you’re familiar with. Assuming the contrary — that the game is completely novel, without precedent — tends to lead test takers into an unnecessary spiral.

• Like an aged rock band on a reunion tour, the September LSAT closed things out with a classic — a scheduling combo game. We had three days of the week — Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday (and I would not be the first to note that this would be abbreviated to “WTF” in your set-up) — and a morning slot and afternoon slot on each day. This game was fairly straightforward rendition of an LSAT standard — there was a very constrained player whose placement led to four very helpful scenarios — not the sort of over-the-top craziness the “WTF” promised.

• So what can we take away from this games section? Well, once again, this section continued the trend of scenarios being helpful on every game. This has been true, in my opinion, on almost every recent exam. And on the recent sections in which this hasn’t been true, scenarios have been helpful on only three of the four games. So, not to state the obvious, you should be studying up on how to make scenarios, practice making them during your studies, and then actually construct them on test day.

But this exam also illustrates how important it is to trust your experience on these games. If you study extensively — and anyone reading this treatise on the September exam is presumably studying quite extensively — you’ll have almost certainly seen some variation of every game you confront on your exam. Test takers err when they panic — when they assume that the game is completely unfamiliar. But remember, these entirely unique games on the LSAT are few and far between. Honestly, in this millennium, I think there has been precisely one truly unique game (the computer virus game from the September 2016 exam). Everything else has at least some precedent. So try to approach each game using the set-ups, tools, and experience gained from older games. Even if a game seems unique — as the circle and flower games may have here — it’s important to interrogate it, to see if there’s a way to make it familiar. There pretty much always is.

Logical Reasoning

• Onto Logical Reasoning. Here’s how many of the different question types appeared across both LR sections, compared to the average number of appearances per test since the December 2013 test:

• As you can see, this was a pretty balanced set of questions included. No single question type dramatically exceeded or fell short of its average frequency. That’s pretty normal on a September test, by the way. For whatever reason, September exams have — for want of a better word — a pretty “normal”-feeling Logical Reasoning section.

• If there was anything peculiar about these Logical Reasoning sections, it was the distribution of the difficult questions. Like the narrative thrust of the classic three-act drama, the difficulty of a Logical Reasoning section typically starts slow, gradually rises, climaxes, then recedes in a dénouement in the final few questions. Both of these sections started with some mild questions, and coasted on that setting throughout the entire section, until question twenty-one or so. And then there was a gauntlet of brutally difficult questions.

• Two very difficult sections stuck out to me: questions twenty-four and twenty-five in the LR section with 26 questions. Question twenty-three was a Weaken question that argued that experiencing a traumatic event might stimulate the production of cortisol — a steroid hormone produced by the pituitary gland, but that’s not important. To support that claim, the argument showed that people who experienced a traumatic event but did not develop PTSD have higher cortisol levels than those who have not experienced a traumatic event.

So classic correlation to causation issue, right? On a typical Weaken question, the correct answer would weaken such a causal claim with an alternate cause (something else that may trigger the cortisol production in those non-PTSD-afflicted individuals), showing the cause frequently appears without the effect (perhaps by showing that people who experienced a traumatic event who did develop PTSD did not have higher cortisol levels), or showing the effect frequently appears without the cause (perhaps by showing that, contrary to what the stimulus said, people who have not experienced a traumatic event frequently have high cortisol levels). This, being an atypically difficult Weaken question, did not feature any of those in the answer choices.

The right answer presented what could be considered an alternate cause or cause without the effect only if you looked really, really closely at it. That answer choice claimed that the high cortisol levels in the people who did not experience PTSD helped those folks not develop PTSD. So it wasn’t the traumatic event that produced the high cortisol levels — it was a defense mechanism that produced the cortisol (which would be an alternate cause). Or, we could say that the answer choice introduces the possibility that those people who experienced a traumatic event and did develop PTSD do not have high cortisol levels (which would be the cause appearing without the effect).

But this question would probably have been easier to understand if we understood that it was also committing a sampling fallacy. In order to establish that traumatic event increases cortisol levels, we’d have to compare a representative sample of everyone who has experienced a traumatic event to a representative sample of everyone who didn’t. By only including people who didn’t develop PTSD, we were looking at an unrepresentative sample of those who experienced a traumatic event. The correct answer, then, shows just how problematic it is to only rely at the people who didn’t develop PTSD — they probably had abnormal levels of cortisol, compared to those who developed PTSD, if the cortisol helped them stave off PTSD.

The take-away from this question? It’s important to remember (memory, incidentally, is aided by cortisol) that sometimes difficult questions commit more than one fallacy. Focusing too closely on just one may make it difficult to find the correct answer. It doesn’t hurt, then, to try to take inventory of several fallacies that may be committed on a difficult Flaw, Parallel Flaw, Strengthen, Weaken, or Necessary question that appears towards the end of a section. Doing so might make these questions less of a traumatic experience.

• In a cruel twist, the very next question was another super difficult one. Question twenty-five was a Must Be True question that involved proportional reasoning. OK, imagine I told you I ordered a pizza, all to myself, both yesterday and today (if you know me, this shouldn’t be difficult to imagine). But let’s say today I ate a way higher percentage of my pizza than I did today. Let’s say I ate half of the pie yesterday, but I ate all of the pie today. But what if I also told you I ate same amount of pizza, by weight, today and yesterday. So I ate a greater percentage of the pizza today, despite the same amount of pizza today. What could you conclude about the relative sizes of the pies I ordered, yesterday versus today? Well, it must be the case that I ordered a smaller pizza today (today’s pie would technically be half the size of yesterday’s), if I ate the same amount of pizza but got through more of the entire pie.

OK, now replace “eating pizza” with “commercial fishing in all the world’s oceans” and “sizes of the pies” with “the total number of fish in all the world’s oceans,” and you have question twenty-five. That question told us that after 1995, commercial fishers were catching the a greater percentage of the fish in the world’s oceans year after year. But also, after 1995 they were were catching the same (or a smaller) amount of fish, by weight, year after year. From that, we could conclude that the total population of the world’s fish was declining, year after year.

If you understand the basics of proportional reasoning, you’d be able to get this question. But this type of reasoning is rarely invoked on the LSAT (and when it is, it’s usually in the context of flawed arguments), so it probably stumped more than a few test takers. In the rare event that this type of reasoning recurs on a later LSAT, here’s all you need to know. And since I am definitively not a math person, I can only convey this info through a pizza analogy.

Three elements define this type of reasoning: percentages (this would be how much of the pizza pie you ate), amounts (this would be how much pizza you ate, by weight), and the total size (how large the entire pizza is). When you have information on two of these elements, you can usually make a valid deduction about the third. So if I told you that today I ate a smaller percentage of the pizza pie I ordered, but I ate the same amount of pizza both yesterday and today, you’d be able to conclude that today’s pizza was larger. Or if I told you that today I ate more pizza than I ate yesterday, but the pizzas were the same size both yesterday and today, you’d be able to conclude that I ate a higher percentage of the pizza today. These questions will in all likelihood not involve pizza, but the logic remains the same.

• These, and a few other questions aside, neither of these Logical Reasoning sections were all that challenging. It’s unsurprising that most test takers’ ire was reserved for Logic Games and not to LR or Reading Comp.

Reading Comprehension

• In what was a welcome respite from recent exams, this Reading Comprehension section wasn’t as distressingly difficult as recent sections. Apparently, it’s not just pop music that’s feeling nostalgic for the early 2000s — this section was a throwback to that era’s milder Reading Comp sections.

• The first passage argued that Great Zimbabwe — a flourishing, enclosed city-state from the ninth through sixteenth centuries (think Qarth from Game of Thrones) — owed its prosperity not to gold, as previously thought, but to cattle raising. The questions were detail-heavy, but — unlike the large-scale efforts the ruling class of Great Zimbabwe to harness cattle and mine gold — not particularly demanding.

• Passage number two was the comparative passage; passage A argued that historical fiction requires the telling of effective lies (such as modernizing language, and inventing characters and dialogue), while passage B argued that autobiographical fiction is sometimes enhanced by false, but vivid and emotionally resonant, memories. These passages had a more direct and discernible relationship than most recent comparative passages, and the questions were accordingly a tad easier than most recent comparative passages.

• The third passage was the inevitable science passage. It involved a sort of terrifying discussion on how a microbiologist discovered that cholera could exist in a dormant state in sea water, contrary to the previous belief that it could only be spread by human hosts, and that cholera was consequently much more prevalent than previously believed. The questions featured a “resolve” question — fairly common in Logical Reasoning, but super rare on Reading Comp. Even with this rare question type, this passage was a tad less challenging than many science-based passages. Less stomach-churning than a cholera infection, at least.

• The final passage was the inevitable law passage, on international environmental law. This somewhat hectoring passage argued that nations don’t quite practice what they preach, given that most nations profess to accept the norm that they do no harm to other nations’ environments, but do all sorts of things that spread pollution to other nations. The author argues that scholars of international environmental law should reckon with this fact. This was probably the most challenging passage, but each of the correct answers were well-supported by the passage.

The “Curve”

• Here’s a chart listing how many questions you could have missed on the September 2019 exam and still earn a given score, compared to the same figure for other recent exams:

• You, frankly, love to see it. As we discussed before, we were expecting a generous curve on this exam. And, at least for the higher scores, we were correct. It’s been a while since we’ve had a -13 curve for a 170 score — June 2014, in fact. And we haven’t had a -20 curve for 160 since December 2017. A forgiving curve for those high scores means that test takers who score in that range had a harder-than-usual time with difficult questions, passages, and games. With some of the invectives test takers threw at that flower game, we didn’t exactly need the curve to confirm that fact.

You’ll notice, however, the curve starts normalizing once you start looking at the 155 and 150 scores. Given that there were many mild Logical Reasoning questions and a relatively moderate Reading Comp section on this exam, this also makes sense — your “average” test taker scoring in the low- to mid-150s would have had a fairly normal time with those questions.

What to Expect Moving Forward

And thus ends our long field trip through the September exam. And, as in the field trips of our youths, we have to kind of wrap things up with a “what did I learn” essay. So, what did this LSAT teach us about what future LSATs, like the upcoming October and November LSATs?

Maybe not a whole lot? This LSAT is fairly anomalous in terms of the distribution of difficult questions. Most recent LSATs have featured much more difficult Reading Comprehension section than this one. And most have featured a greater number tough and brutal Logical Reasoning questions, rather than the few brutal questions this exam featured. And there hasn’t been a Logic Games section this novel, or this difficult, since the September and December 2016 exams.

So if for whatever reason this was an especially difficult test for you — and if you’re planning on taking the upcoming October or November LSATs — I wouldn’t expect to see an LSAT that looks exactly like this. Keep studying Reading Comp, because in all likelihood those exams will feature a tough RC section. Practice a broad range of Logical Reasoning questions, because those exams will likely feature more tough and brutal LR questions than this one. That said, it never hurts to be over-prepared — so if you want to tangle with some incredibly difficult games on the off-chance those exams might feature some brutal games as well, we encourage you to do so.

A Look at the September 2019 LSAT was originally published on Blueprint LSAT Blog