#but I don’t think prime did my boy dirty like Boom did

[acespeon]

anything: has Knuckles in it

me: immediate distrust, do not pass go, do not collect $200

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

[rosezure]

Songbird 3 - Firey

Songbird - Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is more of a filler. But, it does involve a certain 🔥asshole🔥 getting knocked out. So, yey? I guess? Anyways, hope y’all enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the BNHA/MHA universe, nor its characters. This work is intended for entertainment purposes only. My own characters are, however, of my creation.

Content warning: yelling, fights, tattoos, minor violence, swearing. Please, let me know if I’ve forgotten anything!

Summary | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

"Someone infiltrated HPSC two nights ago."

"Did the intruders take anything?"

 "The higher-ups aren't sure."

 "Do you think it was a group of villains?"

 "We shouldn't be talking about this... Especially not here..." 

Tomura Shigaraki heard the whispers of the guards outside his cell. He smirked, wondering how long it would take for him to get out of there. Judging by the recent events, either it was a new group looking to take those arrogant heroes down or, his old comrades were up to something. 

The news that the all-powerful HPSC had its walls penetrated somehow spread like a celebrity's scandal. The atmosphere was heavy, unstable. Workers struggled to feel safe within the walls of the agency for the first time since its creation. Unrest was the new norm. 

Keigo was shaken. Yes, he hated the Commission with a passion. But they were a law enforcement organization. They were supposed to be the epitome of safety and stability in society. Hell, it had been his first stable home once.

But why were they openly talking about it? In Keigo's experience, the Hero Commission had always kept things lowkey. They were pretty adamant in hiding his past and Endeavor's wrongdoings. Why were they basically advertising that their security system was breached? 

What game was the Hero Public Safet Commission playing?

Keigo's eyes narrowed as he watched the news in the teachers' room. Aizawa sat next to him, sipping on some tea. The older hero knew what game it was: diversion. He knew the agency was dirty and corrupt. Someone was probably trying to expose them; this was the president's attempt to vilify the perpetrator before they got the upper hand.

"They're trying to make sure civilians take their side," Aizawa answered Keigo's unasked question. The blonde turned to him with wide eyes.

"That would make sense," He scratched the stubble on his chin, "They're dirtier than the Yakuza..." Keigo trailed off, unsure if he should be unpacking this in such a public setting. He looked at his colleague, anticipating his reaction.

"You can say that again," Aizawa Shota dared to scoff and continue to sip his tea, as though he had just confirmed some mundane gossip.

The two left it at that, with Keigo going as far as turning off the TV just before two other teachers walked in. Ryo and Hizashi were gossiping about the new foreign teacher.

"I bet she can help me with some musical activities for my students," Hizashi clapped his hands in excitement. "Everyone knows learning another language is tons more fun when music is involved!" He raised a finger in the air, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I heard she has a healing-type quirk," Ryo growled, "Maybe she can help Recovery Girl, too. Though no one really knows how her quirk actually works. Nezu wouldn't tell me a single detail." The counselor scowled.

"Aizawa! Hawks!" Hizashi beamed when he noticed the two.

"It's Keigo," The young man corrected with a polite smile.

"Right! I keep forgetting you told the Commission to suck it and started using your first name!" The loud man chuckled. "GOOD FOR YOU!" He cheered a little too loudly for the others in the room.

"So..." Keigo tried to sound casual and unconcerned, "What do you know about this new chick?"

"Keigo," Ryo's gruff voice sounded teasing, "Are you perhaps... Curious?" His teasing smirk broke through, making Keigo get defensive quickly. Ryo took a seat next to him.

"What?! No!" He cursed himself for replying so fast.

"Don't bother hiding it," Aizawa advised as he got up to put his teacup in the sink. "Ryo can read pretty much everyone. And he's hardly ever wrong so, just be honest."

"Okay, yeah, I'm curious." Keigo slumped in his seat, crossing his arms.

"Boy, me too! Nezu is being so secretive, and I'm itching to meet her!" Hizashi added, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting next to Aizawa at the round table.

"Do you think she speaks Japanese? Or will she have a translator with her at all times? I heard her people speak something called Tupi-"

"Hizashi, I'm sure she speaks Japanese." Aizawa placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder. 

Hizashi squinted. "How do you know?"

"I've met her once."

This statement caused a commotion. Indignant cries of "why didn't you tell us!" and "you sneaky bastard!" sounded throughout the room. Aizawa sighed. He should've kept his mouth shut.

"Now you have to tell us everything!" Aizawa doesn't remember the last time Ryo looked so curious.

"Fine, but only if you all shut up!" He grumbled, already rubbing at his face in frustration. The three nodded excitedly. They unconsciously scooted closer, causing Aizawa to groan in the back of his throat. He really should've kept his mouth shut.

"I met her about five years ago. It was around the Emperor's birthday celebrations. The Queen of Pindorama was visiting for diplomatic reasons. A few days before the birthday ceremony, the Prime Minister invited some pro-heroes and Her Majesty to an informal dinner." Aizawa recounted, trying not to cringe at the memory of his etiquette mistakes. The other three men listened closely, doe eyes trained on him.

"I guess it was a show of the alliance the two countries had recently formed. Pindorama had some supplies Japan could use, I think. I'm not sure about the politics. But I do remember it was a recent union, and the Prime Minister was ecstatic about it." Aizawa shrugged. "Anyways, that's when I first met her-"

"FIRST?!" Hizashi's voice boomed, interrupting Aizawa's story. This earned him a hush from the other two. "Sorry!" He whisper-yelled, gesturing for Shota to continue. He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat.

"It was the first time I saw her. The Prime Minister introduced us all. All Might was definitely there, and I think so was Endeavor. There were some other Tokyo-based heroes too, but I don't remember who they were. After we finished our introductions, the Queen introduced the officials she'd brought with her. In Pindorama, they don't have heroes. They're called champions there, and they serve the Queen and the people.

"I remember feeling intimidated by them. I was a pro, so I felt ridiculous. But thinking back to that day, I'm not sure how I managed to stand straight in front of them. They were all very tall, muscular, and stoic. You could feel power emanate from them-"

"Never pegged you as the poetic, descriptive type, Shota," Hizashi snickered behind his hand, teasing the raven-haired man. Ryo quietly slapped him up the head. Hizashi made a noise of protest but quickly realized he had interrupted the story. Again.

"Anyways," Aizawa gave Hizashi a warning stare, "They looked lethal. But on the Queen's right stood a young girl. She was maybe a few inches over five feet. She was all-around small and fragile looking. I could see the other heroes think the same: what was a small teen like her doing with a group of strong champions?"

"Okay, I promise this is a valid interruption," Hizashi raised his hands up defensively, "Why was a supposed young healer doing at a demonstration that included the country's top pro-heroes?" He raised an eyebrow.

"That's actually a pretty good question," Keigo admitted, "But I bet it was to heal the injuries of the heroes if they got any." He uncrossed his arms, placing his elbows on the table. He put his face between his palms, looking at Aizawa expectantly. 

"I think Keigo is right," Ryo huffed.

"I was getting to that," Aizawa closed his eyes and sighed. "Maybe I should resume the story some other time."

"NO!" The three chorused. Aizawa's right eye twitched. "Fine. But get me a cup of water. I'm parched." 

Hizashi was fast to get up and fetch a glass of icy-cold water. He set it down in front of Aizawa with a blinding smile.

"As I was saying, we were all kind of questioning her presence. She seemed way too weak to be at the Queen's side so protectively. Man, were we wrong. We had a few friendly duels. The Prime Minister and the Queen sat at the side of the makeshift arena we were all in. I was matched with a man with long straight white hair and gray eyes. He took off his shirt to fight me, and when I tell you, I could barely see his skin under all those tattoos..." Aizawa seemed engrossed as he narrated the details.

"Most of the duels ended in a tie. Only Endeavor and the girl were left. He seemed extremely hesitant to fight such a tiny teenager, but the Prime Minister was right there. Endeavor didn't have a choice, so he tried to be as careful as he could. But she just stood there, barely moving as she evaded his attacks."

"You're telling me Mrs. Smalls was toying the Endeavor?" Hizashi giggled in delight.

Aizawa shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."

Keigo smirked. Months ago, he would've paid to see his idol fighting a foreigner. But now? Oh, he'd pay good money to see the young girl play around with Enji Todoroki. 

"He noticed that, too. You could just see his eyes glaring. He was getting frustrated and angry. Endeavor probably felt humiliated, which made him even more aggravated. Finally, after minutes of taunting him, he broke. He sent a sizeable flame ball her way." Aizawa bit his lip to prevent himself from laughing at the memory.

Endeavor had been sweating. This tiny girl was making him sweat, and all she was doing was evading his attacks. After seeing how easily she deflected his strikes, Endeavor started increasing the power behind his flames. But she just continued smiling and barely moving out of the way.

The exasperation painting his face red was humoring her. He was her little toy, and they both knew it. Fuck, even the Prime Minister and the Queen could see it. But Endeavor wouldn't allow her to win without even using her quirk. He could tell she was holding back. This made him even more furious.

He prepared the strongest fireball he could create in those circumstances and threw it directly at her. The flames seemed to hit their target this time. But, when they cleared out, there was no one there.

"Oi! I'm up here!" A feminine voice yelled above them, in Japanese. Endeavor slowly looked up, and there she was: hovering, blindingly-white wings fluttering behind her. 

The girl was smirking down at him, and Endeavor really lost it. He flew up into the air as he prepared a massive attack to hit her. This time, she wouldn't be able to escape. Her wings would succumb to the heat of his flames, and he'd win his match.

"Except he didn't." Aizawa chuckled lightly, "The girl was too cunning. She predicted his pattern of attacks and flew in his direction. She took him out with a calculated punch to the side of his face."

"She knocked Endeavor out of the sky?!" Keigo squawked, baffled by what he was hearing. A tiny teen K.Oed his former idol and top hero.

"Yeah, she did," Aizawa sighed, crossing his arms, "But she managed to catch him before he fell and carefully placed him down. She even bowed to his unconscious body. It was both hilarious and terrifying."

"Oh, I like her already!" Ryo growled in approval. 

"Same!" Hizashi bellowed with laughter, bending himself.

"So she's tiny, fast, smart, and has white retractable wings." Keigo listed off, removing his face from his hands.

"Yeah, that's her." Aizawa nodded. 

"Anything else we should note?" Hizashi gave him a toothy grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Actually, yes," Aizawa stood up, "Her eyes. I've never seen colder eyes in my life." With that, he strolled out of the room.

The other three groaned, knowing they'd be left in their curious state. Leave it to Aizawa to make a dramatic exit with a cliffhanger.

"Why did I bother with stealth if they were supposed to find out, Santos?" Asa hissed at the man on her phone's screen.

"Because you didn't want to get caught!" He rolled his eyes, "And mind your attitude. You'll be a teacher and nurse in just a few hours. Try to seem approachable at least."

"I am not here to be buddy-buddy with a bunch of wannabe teen champions." Asa's fist collided with the armrest of her seat.

"You are there representing her Majesty, the Queen of Pindorama. You. Will. Behave. Accordingly." Santos slapped both hands on his desk, his voice booming through the speakers.

Asa huffed, crossing her legs and arms.

"I'll try. For my Queen." Asa smiled sarcastically.

"Drop the acid," Santos sighed in frustration, "Look, Asa. If they publicize about it, it means they're covering something up. This means your mission served its purpose." His hands gestured the sequence of thoughts.

"To confirm the Prime Minister's suspicions on how transparent the agency really is." Asa realized as she uncrossed her arms. "Okay, that makes sense. I guess I'm just sensitive due to the jetlag. Now, can you explain why I had to leave so abruptly if I wasn't due at the academy till tomorrow?" She asked, her tone softer.

"To divert." Santos sat back into his chair, tension leaving his shoulders. 

"Yeah, makes sense." Asa looked down at her boots. She felt drained.

"Asa, are you okay?" Santos frowned, sensing her unease.

"Am I ever?" She joked with a sad smile. 

Becoming a healer wasn't something she looked forward to. She still heard her tribe's cries almost every night. How would she handle remembering and learning about them? What if her quirk had vanished? 

Sensing her fear, Santos called her name softly. Asa looked back up to the screen and took a deep breath to calm herself.

"This will be good for you. There won't be any nosy royal healers forcing you to train your quirk. You won't have to write reports on your wings' condition. You'll learn on your own, at your pace." Santos offered a kind smile, a rarety.

"Thank you, San," Asa smiled back, "I'll be landing soon. Once I get settled, I'll message you and Caique. Tell him I said hi, please?" She uncrossed her legs, moving closer to the screen.

"Of course," Santos nodded, "Oh! Her Majesty wants to say hello!" He excitedly turned the camera to the monarch.

"Hi, my darling!" The Queen waved excitedly. Asa laughed softly, finding it funny how carefree the Queen could be.

"Hello, Your Majesty! I miss home already," Asa pouted.

"You know you don't have to be formal when you're not uniformed, Asa!" The Queen playfully scolded.

"Right, I forgot!" Asa giggled, "I miss you, mother." She sighed softly, her shoulders sagging.

"Take a nap, my love. You should be landing soon. We'll talk again in a few days." Queen Yeba shooed Asa, making her laugh.

"Okay, okay!" Asa waved. "I'll see you soon!" They bid their goodbyes and ended the call. 

Asa put her things away and settled into her seat. The plane would be landing in about six hours. After that, she was going to be on Japanese soil. Many things crossed her mind as she prepared to sleep. But one particular thought made her smirk almost evilly: Maybe she'd reencounter a certain hot-headed and arrogant hero. And this time, she wouldn't play nice.

Chapter 4

[shhhlikeme]

Nin’s Matchup!

(SFW + NSFW)

Matchup Profile: Sfw+nsfw matchup pretty pls! (1/5) Name: Nin>Female>5’4>Film & sfx/theatrical makeup freelancer>V athletic in MS-HS: ballet, was in volley ball, soccer &Basketball teams>Miss my prime days>Scared to start workout again b/c I’ll get lightheaded>If sum1 helps push me through initial fear, I’ll keep growing from there> Likes chilling in ballet stretch poses>paints, photographs&draws as hobby>draws a pic a day (mostly portraits)>writing a comic atm >Always plan contingencies.🦄

(2/5) >embarrassed of my loud laugh(it’s like Kuroo’s)>introvert>not afraid to lead a team tho> V shy & quiet most times>8/10 times, feels awk in public,like idk what i’m saying, but others told me I seem social>Once I’m comfy w/ u, i joke a lot(occasional mum jokes 2 annoy+Sassy dirty ones w/ S/O)>hides behind ppl who likes 2 talk, but not when they’re 2 loud>laughs @ mistakes/when embarrassed>Will stop mistreatment, even if I get in trouble>values communication&genuine discussions🦄

(3/5) Sings when home alone>competes @ Street Fighter tournaments, trains everyday 4 it>Sings “Hit Me W/ Your Best Shot” when fighting bosses in game&swears melodically when i lose>eats chips w/ chopsticks >make hats out of my cat fur when bored>Workahokic night🦉>likes 2 teach >full convos w/ my 🐱>LIVES in oversized hoodies & flip flops, regardless of weather>no pants@home!>Feels incompetent sometimes, but keep practicing 2 improve>Analytical fast learner>idk why ppl think i look innocent🦄

(4/5)>Forgets 2 speak eng when tired (Thai 1st lang.)>Headrubs 4 s/o every night b4 bed>will miss u but is bad@texting>yelps like puppy when I’m surprised>Unconventionally resourceful: Wire hangers’s fixes everything! >stress bakes & will gets pouty if it didn’t turn out well.>overwhelmed to water my 50+ 🌱 >Doodles on smt (always have a pen on me)when i feel socially anxious> 2 dance sober @ clubs> Wants a stable relationship where we work tgt like a team to bring out the best in one another🦄

(5/5) I like a s/o who is lovable, kind, genuine, mature, independent and caring, but can also joke & be silly with like best friends. NSFW: open 2 try new things>❤️restraints, blindfolds & sensual tickle sex (as lee+ler) but had always been too shy to share it with any1>occasionally self conscious of food baby+stretchmarks>🥰edging/teasing >has a thing 4 height differences (likes to feel smol lol!) & primal play.>Is a switch. I’m so sorry if it’s too much info! Thank you for doing this!🦄

————————————

A/N: HI LOVE @crushzone !!!! I SMILE WHEN I SEE YOU IN MY NOTIFS GIRL I WORKED HARD ON YOURS OF COURSE💖 But no matter whaaaat I’m going to be very authentic in my matchups bc they’re based on compatibility and therefore, without further ado, lemme introduce you to your NEW BAE:

————————————

KŌTARŌ BOKUTO 🦉

SFW:

so you’re a theatrical makeup artist.

Aight.

Mind if I offer you a word of advice? :

RUN

“DUDE THAT’S AMAZING IT LOOKS SO SICK!”

Startled by someone’s loud booming voice, you smudged the eyeliner you were applying to your actor’s face all over their forehead. Whipping around to see who had disrupted your work you were faced with a beautiful black and grey haired owl. A rather tall... and very attractive ‘beautiful black and grey haired owl.’

He started walking around the dressing room like he owned the place, touching everything.

“Excuse me, you don’t have a badge. You can’t be backstage—!”

“Pretty obvious don’t you think, Miss ________?”

You didn’t take his bait, refusing to give this stranger your name. Bokuto shrugged.

“Well since I don’t know your name I shall label thee—Miss HOT GIRL of the 9 Kingdoms!” He nudged the knight actor who was sitting in your makeup chair with his elbow. “Did I sound 15th century ish or what??” The owl turned to you expecting to be praised. “I had to meet the person who made the medieval vampire look so scary in the last act. But that guy with the lights didn’t tell me anything about you being so hot.”

You were speechless because he was hot too

But he shouldn’t be back here so you tried to shoo him out anyway

He allowed you to try to shove him out but he was way bigger than you so nice try sis

When he yawned while you panted because you weren’t able to budge him an inch....

Bokuto wagered that he would leave if you agreed to make him look like the Hulk with your makeup skills for a Halloween party he had to go to

You didn’t really want to because you were a professional and you had no idea who this owl was but because you had 15 minutes until the second act and you needed peace and quiet if you were going to finish your job!!! ....

( This boy was not peace NOR quiet )

You agreed.... but because you answered so fast Bokuto kicked it up one notch

Prince of pushing his luck (king is reserved for Shōyo‘s extra ass)

He pretended to allow you to push him out of the makeup room a few steps but before you closed the door he stuck his foot between the door so it couldn’t close.

Smiling, he peered back in, looking down at you:

“AND...... you have to agree to go on a date with me. Tomorrow night?”

“Ugh FINE!”

Bo removed his foot and let himself out with a bounce in his step.

SERIOUSLY WHO LET THIS MAN BACKSTAGE......

Needless to say, after a few dates, mans won you over like he wins EVERYONE over

It surprised you how comfortable you became with him but he just has that affect on people

***

In terms of your athletic relationship Bokuto does many things:

He pushes you to go to the gym with him for one

He signs the two of you up for impromptu Beginner 30-day challenges that you both must stick to

So every morning for 30-days straight he jumps on you in bed to wake you up:

“NIN BABY TIME TO HIT THE GYM. BABY NIN TIME TO GET IN SOME SEXY GYM SHORTS. MON BÉBÉ NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN—“

“Kōtarō, please shut up.”

he doesn’t

He drags you there and eventually you get back into the swing of things.. killing it in the weight room with your supportive man cheering on your every rep!

You don’t even need him to wake you up during the second challenge!

Your volleyball player boyfriend also signs you up (without permission) for the neighborhood soccer team that Akaashi’s girlfriend is already on

You hated it at first because it was uncomfortable going back after not playing for so long but you soon realized that all the girls there were ex-athletes too and not stars

You formed amazing new girl friendships (especially with Akaashi’s gf) and double dates with them were one of your favourite nights of the week!

You owed that happiness in your life all to your Owl 🦉🥰

He and Akaashi came to every soccer game y’all had and you and the three of you went to all of Bokuto’s games, obviously

Btw you all were FITTTTTT OML

***

In addition...

You already know that your man finds your artistic talents insanely fascinating

On your first anniversary together Bokuto gifted you with a new paint set and new French stand:

Because he admires you Bokuto also tries to draw and paint seriously just like you

You stand over his shoulder and give him corrections and baby owl learns so fast it’s amazing

You two make ‘paint night’ a thing when you move in together and it’s always the most fun event!!!!

Bokuto CONSTANTLY and I mean CONSTANTLY asks for you to add him to the comic you’re writing but you say no because he wouldn’t fit in

He sulks but one day you surprise him by showing him that you drew a cute soaring black and gray owl in the background of almost every outdoor scene in your comic,

you pointed out that it was him

BOKUTOOOO WAS SOOOOO HAPPY

HE WAS SHOUTING FROM THE ROOFTOPS

He called Akaashi right away and almost cried tears of joy hahahahaha

***

Your contingent based lifestyle has saved your reckless boyfriend’s life and career many-a-times

It’s one of the things he loves most about you.

Also, it is important to mention that he is in LOVE with your laugh

Bby owl does anything to hear it and showers your face with kisses when you laugh to draw it out

He loves you so freaking much

When you don’t make sense and speak gibberish in public because your awkward side randomly comes out......your boyfriend loves to make fun of you:

“Huh? Nin, that wasn’t Japanese, that wasn’t Thai and that definitely wasn’t English. What planet is my adorable baby girl from, again? And how do I return her in exchange for a floating space car instead?!”

suh cute

All of Bokuto’s teammates really like you because you work in conjunction with Akaashi which means you actually have the magic ability to get Bokuto out of emo mode even faster than his best friend 🤯🤯🤯

When he’s at an away game in emo mode his teammates will literally FaceTime you and point their phone in his general direction

“Hey, Kōtarō!!!! Look, Nin’s on the phoneeee!”

Bby owl turns around slowly when he was sulking in the corner and when he sees you on the screen he’s running and jumping on whoever is holding your phone.”

“Kōtarō baby. You’re going to stop this emo mode right now. If not I won’t let you paint me nude like we discussed.”

mans was like: 😨😨😨😨🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

YEP the next second you see him hitting his best practice spikes and his teammate thanks you profusely

You do this several times until Kōtarō just knows to not go into emo mode anymore because you won’t be happy

A year into his professional volleyball career The Black Jackal’s coach sent a surprise fruit bouquet to your work one time:

With a note that read:

To Nin,

Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Love,

The Team

***

I know you don’t really like people who are considered “too loud” and Bokuto is like...... “MEGA LOUD 🎙 “ but you and Akaashi work together to quiet your boy down as he gets older

He’s perfect

And you love him

***

OKAY THIS IS THE FUNNIEST day THING:

You know how you like standing up for people (even strangers) and stuff?

Well one day, you and Bokuto get caught on a show called WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Where the two of you cussed out this cat-abusing actor on the show in a convincing scenario!

It was PRICELESS

Bokuto literally tells everyone that y’all are movie stars because of it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

***

More in the relationship:

Bo is always singing with you 💞 when y’all make breakfast it becomes a national sport to sing at the top of your lungs!!

And when he sees you eat chips with chopsticks he’s pulling a Hinata “🤩🤩🤩” face .

He begs you to teach him how

So you try

......and try

..................and try

He can’t do it bruv 😞

You see bby Owl’s emo mode return for the first time in like a year when the chip shatters between his sticks again

This time, you have to enlist Akaashi as the FaceTime saviour and Keiji just tells him:

“Bokuto. You should prefer eating chips with your hands anyway. It gets to your mouth faster.”

cue Bo’s 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 face

........And all is well again

There’s more:

So you’re a workaholic?

Bokuto is fine with that. He just makes you promise that he gets to take you out on your lunch breaks a few times a week or whenever he can

He’s so sweet and your coworkers are BIG jealous of your relationship

Your man BEGSSSSS you to teach him Thai but you find it too hard so when he’s travelling on a long flight he spends the time learning the language on YouTube (and actually get decent at it) so that he can understand you when you’re sleepy😴🥺💕

When Bokuto surprises you by wishing you goodnight in Thai before he falls asleep (while you’re giving him head rubs), your heart explodes BECAUSE why is he the cutest thing in the world ?!?!?!

RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION:

You don’t text/you’re bad at texting? That’s fine, mainly because bby owl is so busy with volleyball anyway, but if you don’t text him back when he is feeling needy the boy will call you 20 times in a row

When you finally pick up, your heart is beating like thinking it’s an emergency

But he will answer saying:

“Oh, no emergency. I just want booty pics. Please, Nin babyyyyy?”

you’re like: 😑

ANOTHER CUTE THING YOUR MAN DOES?????

AIGHT:

It’s cringey but.......

When you’re at work all day doing makeup and he’s home he will send you pics throughout the day of him taking care of your plants like they are y’alls newborn children:

His text:

Baby look!!! Ollie the Orchid grew to 7 inches today!!! Yesterday he was 6.8 inches!!!!! They grow up so fast 😭😭😭”

Your reply:

Not quite as long as your dick, Bo

His reply:

I hate when you get me horny when I’m trying to take care of the kiiiids 😭😭😭😭

Dkm

Of all the factors you look for in a man, Bokuto has all of them

Like I said he becomes much more mature when you and Akaashi are his closest compadres

What people don’t know is that Kōtarō is actually very mature he is just a hardcore optomist (besides emo mode lmao) so people often mistake him as immature or dumb

But He’s far from it and you see that everyday

It’s why you fell for him

When dealing with serious issues that life has to handle, you see a different side of Bokuto, a real side, the side he shows in every tough volleyball game when he makes you metaphorically step behind him so he can deal with any problem that comes your way

He would literally withstand all your battles if that meant you’d remain happy forever

We stan a relationship like yours💞

NSFW:

okay so you know how you chill in ballet 🩰 stretches sometimes?

THAT DRIVES KŌTARŌ WILD.

It turns him on so much and he is constantly testing how flexible you are in the bedroom

When you keep meeting his expectations he is POUNDING you cause he is so turned on

He fucking loves it

It also turns him on when you’ll be acting shy and stuff but then randomly you’ll lead your neighbourhood soccer team like a BAD BITCH

When he sees that he’s already asking Akaashi how long until the game ends because he’s horny:

Akaashi deadpans. “Too much information. And the game just started 3 minutes ago. Get a water and calm yourself.”

Bo is sad but it makes for one hell of a I’m-proud-of-you sexscape when you get home from your game!!

Your dirty jokes also turn Bokuto on.

A lot.

A lot a lot:

“Bo.....I was joking.”

“I know but if I hear the word ‘dick’ coming out of your mouth I automatically think of you blowing me so now I want us to go home.” He whines.

You sigh. He’s lucky he’s so fucking hot.

When you’re playing street fighter every night this boy will not leave you alone until you cockwarm him

“Nin can you pleaseeeeee warm my cock while you train? I miss you.”

Your concentration turns him on so he has to ask nicely 😊

You love his dick so of course you oblige

Bby owl is so happy just sitting there being in your company and in your warmth but sometimes or every time he ends up thrusting into you

Sometimes while he’s giving you deep slow thrusts he orders you to keep playing or he won’t get you off

Damn 🤤

Let’s not forget also that you drive your man wild by walking around the house in hoodies all the time and nothing else

Every day, another hoodie will be found in various RANDOM places in the house because Bo flings it off you before he makes love to you wherever, and they go missing

Finally, when you get all sad and pouty because one of your baker trials goes to shit (ruined chocolate brownies this time, boo 💔), your boyfriend is taking your hand gently in an instant, leading you to the bedroom:

“Don’t be sad my beautiful girl, you know how much I hate seeing you sad. It makes me sad.! Here, come in the room and sit on my face—I promise I’ll make you feel better.”

WELL DAMN—😳💦

Maybe you should screw up brownie recipes more often.

————————————

A/N: do you know the show what would you do??? Watch it on YouTube if you haven’t haha I couldn’t stop thinking about you and Bokuto being on it after reading your matchup profile!!!! I hope you liked it bb! Give me all your reactions, I want all the smoke 💞💞💞

[wyattvsmusic]

Westside Gunn - Pray For Paris ALBUM REVIEW

For the past 4 years, it seems like every year has been a Griselda takeover. Westside Gunn, Conway and Benny The Butcher put out at least 5 projects a year between the 3 of them and they really are one of the prime examples of consistency in Hip Hop. You know what you’re gonna get from these guys: bars on bars on bars over dirty boom bap beats. While these guys stay true to the  Buffalo sound that they created, they do have projects that sound different. I can definitely understand some of the criticism about a lot of their songs sounding the same as my biggest complaint about Flygod Is An Awesome God was that it sounded too similar to other songs in Westside Gunn’s extensive catalog. You know what you’re gonna get every time with Griselda and that’s not a bad thing at all. It would be kind of weird if Westside decided to do an Awaken, My Love! or a Rebirth. They know what their fans want and they are guaranteed to deliver. The debut Griselda album on Shady Records, WWCD, consisted of no sampling on the production which is bold for a group that uses samples almost exclusively for their beats. Westside Gunn prides himself in how quickly he can make great music and the inspiration behind his latest album, Pray For Paris happened to him not too long ago. A few months ago, Westside Gunn finally was approved to travel outside the country because he’s a convicted felon and one of his first stops was Paris for Paris Fashion Week. He was so inspired by the his trip to Paris, he started recording what was set to be an EP but turned out to be an album. I’ve been to Paris and I can see how some of the songs could have been inspired by Paris. I’ve noticed this on WWCD and Hitler Wears Hermes 7 but I didn’t fully think about it until I heard Pray For Paris that the beats are a lot more polished and sound mastered differently from the earlier Griselda classics. I’ve heard Westside rap over piano beats like George Bondo and French Toast before on songs like Lookin Like The Greatest, 94 Ghost Shit, and Eric B but these two beats have something two them that sounds a lot more expensive. The song Allah Sent Me reminded me a bit of Dinner Plate from Hall & Nash. Some beats on this album sound like classic Griselda but I don’t think I have ever heard Westside Gunn rap over a beat like Euro Step before. That song was fucking sick. There wasn’t much to that beat but it was super dope. Westside has some pretty historic collabs on this album as well. 327 has features from both Joey Bada$$ and Tyler, The Creator. In my CJ Fly review, I expressed wanting to have more Pro Era & Griselda collabs so this was a dream come true. Also, Odd Future were on MTV once many years back and FaceTimed Joey Bada$$ when he was still in High School so it’s cool to see it come full circle on this song. The beat is super laidback and before any of them started rapping, I could picture all 3 of them spitting on it. Joey Bada$$ killed it and Tyler hasn’t rapped like this probably since Cherry Bomb. I was glad to see Wale on this album because Wale can actually rap. Maybe we’ll see a wrestling-themed collab with Westside, Wale and Smoke DZA one day. One of the songs I was hyped for when I saw the tracklist was $500 Ounces with Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano and it did not disappoint at all. Much like what I said about 327, this song has one of those beats that is perfect for all 3 rappers. I’m surprised this is the first time we’re hearing Gibbs and Westside and Gibbs and Roc. Versace has a beat so soulful, it would have made a perfect Amherst Station 4. I was excited to hear the drop from Raw Is Flygod on Claiborne Kick as that is one of the most underrated WSG songs. For those who don’t know, Raw Is Flygod is a 14-minute track that Westside dropped a while back. I don’t think Westside Gunn has deepened his voice like that since Suede Mutumbos from HWH1 but I think it was to give Boldy James his shine. Westside Gunn and Boldy James first linked up last year on It’s Possible from HWH7. The first time I heard Boldy James was in 2013 and he has the perfect voice for rapping. I’ve kept tabs on his music since then but this year, he really reached his full potential this year with his second Alchemist collab album, The Price Of Tea In China. It is rumored that Boldy has signed to Griselda, making him the only artist not from Buffalo on the label but that is great news if it is true because it seems like Boldy is only now unlocking his potential even though he’s been at it for a while. Not too long ago, Griselda also signed Buffalo rapper Armani Caesar but I was wondering why she isn’t on the song. Keisha Plum of course is on Pray For Paris to deliver one of her fantastic poems. In addition to his feature on 327, Tyler, The Creator also produced Party Wit Pop Smoke has such a dope beat. I could picture Tyler spitting on this and I could picture Westside sounding good on various beats that Tyler has made like Rusty, Pigs, A Boy Is A Gun, Smuckers, Buffalo and Bimmer. Alchemist, Daringer and Camouflage Monk produced on the album like usual and DJ Premier produced Shawn vs. Flair which features some of the best rapping from WSG on the entire album. I was thinking about that as I listened to the whole album and I know Westside raps great on every project he’s put out but on some projects you can tell he’s putting in more effort to rhyme and have dope punchlines and this is one of those projects. Pray For Paris is probably Westside Gunn’s best release since Supreme Blientele and also the first time anyone has had tap dancing on a Hip Hop album before. What’s so crazy is that this album is so great but it’s only Westside’s first offering scheduled for the year. He is going to be putting out his Shady Records debut in June or July, dropping Hall & Nash 2 with Conway on September 11, dropping Hitler Wears Hermes 8 on Halloween like usual, and dropping his Madlib collab Gunnlib in December. That’s not even mentioning what Conway and Benny have stored for us this year. I hope Westside Gunn gets to travel more so he can make more dope music like this inspired by his travels because the music is that fucking great.

Fav Tracks: George Bondo, 327, Euro Step, $500 Ounces, Party Wit Pop Smoke

[alexkestavin]

This is not a happy story

( I just want to preface this by saying none of this is canon but I just wanted to try writing something due to my writing funk that I have been in. With Ellie’s constant adoration of it while I was writing I feel very comfortable posting this.)

WARNING: DEATH, BLOOD, TORTURE ALLUSION, AND PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR

Darkness swallowed around him like a void of nothingness. No sounds, no light, not even a feeling of touch. All of it was just black. Black and unending. And then a pressure. As if everything was trying to squeeze the last speck of life out of this void. The silence became deafening the darkness too bright. 

It was then that a voice boomed out, “We did not forget about you, flea.” The voice sounded large almost impossibly so. It threatened to break Alex’s ear drums. 

“We did not forget how you dabble in our darkness. How you swim within it. Taking its power for your own. We did not forget she who has driven our whispers out. Who has kept you sane for months longer. We have come to reclaim you, little flea. To take your sanity and corrupt it for our own making. You swim within our power and expect to stay free? No. You are ours to do with as we wish. You have lived freely long enough.”

Alex struggled against the voice. Feeling the darkness penetrating his mind. The darkness of his past coming to the forefront. The pressure that had been surrounding him and threatening him to choke on a lack of air seemed to release just ever so momentarily. Once it came back on however he was thrust forth. 

A soft crunch of snow could be heard under his feet as he stumbled forward. Everything sounded just slightly muffled. Much like the world when there’s a new blanket of snow upon the ground. The brightness nearly blinded him. His eyes adjusting slowly as he’d look around. He couldn’t figure out why this was familiar. 

The cold bit into his form as he’d trudge through the snow. The evergreens jutting up at odd angles all around him. The sounds of nature completely void. It was eerie in the way that a padded room could make someone crazy. 

His steps continued forward before he’d start to see drops of red within the snow. They continued the way he was headed and it caused him to pick up his pace. Someone needed help. As his hands rubbed at his forearm and biceps to gain some kind of heat from the friction, his eyes flicked back and forth over the drops of red that grew heavier and more numerous. Alex moved to pick up the pace. His eyes drawing forward. 

There appeared to be the crest of a hill before him. Or was it a mountain? Everything was disorienting and he felt as if he’d been making his way through this snow forever. The closer to the crest the red covered more and more of the snow. And once he reached the top his eyes went wide. 

Before him for seemingly miles before him were rows and rows of his wife. All of them laying within a plain of blood and flesh. Alex rushed forward to the closest one. The cold growing harsher as he got closer but the snow covered ground was just blood now. Alex waded through the viscous chilling liquid that stained his clothes and skin. His arms wrapping around the closest Ellie as he pulled her close to him, “No no. NO! I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Or that’s what he was trying to say. The words wouldn’t leave his lips. No sound could escape his mouth. But there was a deafening roar of screams that started to arc out all around him. Each Ellie’s mouth was open and wailing into the sky. 

As he held his wife and endured the constant screaming Alex felt his vision going dark. Tunneling before he’d fall back into the nothingness once more. That pressure returning as he’d choke for breaths. The voice returned.

It seemed to chuckle delightfully before speaking, “We can make that a reality. Hundreds of thousands, millions of your beloved all dead and screaming out for help that will never come. You can’t save her. Just like you can’t save yourself. You are -OURS-.” 

The pressure intensified as Alex would choke and gasp for air. He could feel his hands reaching out for something, anything. He didn’t expect to actually grab on to...something however. What terrified him is how it tried to wrench away from him. Something was there in the dark with him. 

And then he heard it. Himself, “Stop! Don’t hit her! Let her go!” 

Alex’s eyes opened as he’d look down. He was standing within his home...his old home. Before him was a terrified girl with jet black hair. And next to him was a boy, roughly ten or so. Alex just stopped as he’d drop to his knee. There he saw himself at ten years old. Which made him Andres. He’d stare down at his hands before looking up towards a nearby mirror. 

All Alex could see was his own adoptive father staring back at him. His eyes went wide before the room flashed. All he could see around him was blood and decay. A concordance of chuckling surrounded him. 

Upstairs was a thump...thump...thump noise. Spread out every ten seconds or so. He looked into the mirror once more. Now it was decayed and tarnished but he could still see himself a bit. Alex looked decayed and bloated. Only he still looked liked his adoptive father. Like how he’d look if he had died. His movement was sluggish. 

As he slowly made his way up the stairs the thumps grew louder. They were coming from the end of the hallway. Alex tried to look into each room but the doors gave away to pitch black. It was clear his destination was the door at the end of the hall. The thumping started to thunder in his chest. 

Those bloated fingers pressed against the door and the sight within was horrifying. Beyond the blood that coated the room Alex stood over countless bodies of himself. The child version or himself. In the corner stood a grown Alex who was slamming his own head against the wall and crying. 

When the door creaked open he’d jump out towards Alex before disappearing into a cloud of bloody dust. Alex felt his vision darkening once more. Then the pressure. All of it was so heavy. He couldn’t take this anymore. He wanted out. He needed out. But the voice would just chuckle.

“You don’t get to leave until you have sided with us, flea. Don’t you get it? You’re trapped here. Trapped in your own mind which is ours to control. Once you break. Then you’ll be allowed to leave. Not a moment before.”

The pressure subsided once more. Alex felt his senses return. First his feeling and then his sight. He could feel the thick liquid before he could see out of it. He was within a giant vat. His eyes searing with pain as he tried to look through the heavy viscous liquid. 

Outside of the vat Alex could see hundreds of himself and his wife, Ellie. They were just murdering each other in a giant war. Alex tried his best to slam upon the wall of the vat. Even going as far as trying to draw upon his magic. However the second he did so. Everything froze and stared directly towards him. 

Each and every person beyond the vat had a crazed look upon their face. Even those presumably dead on the ground looked at him with that same crazed look. Alex tried to swim his way up to push up on the top. 

It was futile unfortunately. Finding it hard to breath once more Alex watched as the hundreds of himself and his wife just continued to stare at him. Those unsettling eyes looking at him within the vat. That is until one of the Alex’s picked up a javelin from the ground and chucked it right at the vat. Unfortunately with no-where to go it speared right into Alex’s arm. While also shattering the giant glass tube that surrounded him. 

The jelly like substance spilled out from within the vat and the various hundreds of him and his wife immediately sprinted at him like animals. They ripped Alex out of the liquid and dragged him across the giant room. He felt so weak and he was coughing up that liquid that was in his throat. The javelin still sitting in his shoulder. 

Everything was so loud and unsettling. That is until he was thrown down before a throne. Or was it a set of thrones? However what he saw was even more unsettling. Sitting before him was yet another him and Ellie. However they were clearly the leaders here. They sat upon these thrones with those same unhinged eyes. Ellie was sharpening a dagger that was covered in caked blood. Alex was surrounded by what appeared to be other Ellie concubines of some sort. 

As the Alex sitting within the throne raised his hand. He was dropped by the subservient Alex’s and Ellie’s. Alex Prime just looked at everything. His right hand reaching up to clutch the wound in his shoulder. Coughing up more of the liquid, “What...what the fuck is this?” 

Around him a concordance of laughs seemed to erupt all at once. Said laughs were immediately silenced by the supposed “King Alex”. The concubine Ellie’s moved aside as King Alex stood up. That unsettling grin of his widening as he’d step forth. He seemed gigantic in size. His form seeming to stretch upwards forever until he stepped down off the raised platform. 

His right hand coming to smack across Alex Prime’s face, “We hear you’ve been dabbling in that dark magic. The void and shadows. What possibly made you think that was a good idea, hmm? How do you think this goes, Alex?” 

Behind him Queen Ellie piped up, “Let’s just kill him. It’d certainly be more merciful than the man deserves.” 

King Alex held his hand up, “No no. They want him alive. They want that mind. The resilient fortress it is. They want someone like that. Someone who takes so much to break that it will be beautiful to see. Like an explosion that takes a bit to go off.” 

Queen Ellie just grinned, “Let her torture him. If she can’t break him. I don’t know if there’s much that could.” 

Alex’s eyes half closed as he’d look down at the dirty marble floor, “I just want to wake up. LET ME OUT OF HERE!” 

As King Alex snapped his fingers the other Alex’s and Ellie’s would pick Alex up and take him to another room

Alex Prime’s eyes went wide as he saw a seemingly normal Ellie within the room. It was unsettling this gorgeous golden eyed woman offset by all of the torture impliments within here. The door was shut and she locked it once he’d been strapped down. A soft loving smile upon her lips, “You’re safe now, love. Nobody can hurt you in here.” 

Alex’s eyes were hopeful once more. Wanting to believe anything that could make all of this better. When she started to mess with some of the implements he would just smile nervously, “Ellie. What are you doing? Don’t listen to them. It’s you right? My wife? The one who can get me out of here?” 

The Ellie just grinned happily, “I’m afraid I’m not -that- Ellie. She hasn’t existed for a -looong- time. And she wouldn’t be able to help you here to begin with, Alex.” Ellie gave the man a perky smile before picking up a scalpel and what appeared to be a bone saw of some kind. 

What he had missed was the crazed eyes hidden behind the fake love and the fake caring. She was just like the others. Preferring to make herself seem like a friend instead of an enemy. Alex struggled at the bindings. His entire chest and waist lifting up off the table as he’d try to wrench away from the leather straps. 

It wasn’t of any use unfortunately. All he could feel was the pain of the blades cutting into his flesh. His scream echoed endlessly within the infinite halls of Alex and Ellie. And then a single sentence, “I love you Alex. You’re safe now.” 

Everything went dark once more. It was different though. Moon peaked through blinds. The snoring of wolves could be heard. The feel of his beloved in his arms were confirmed by a soft squeeze. Alex’s breathing quickened. Was this real? Or was this another nightmare?

He couldn’t tell.

He couldn’t know.

He doesn’t know. 

[andcurioser]

Avengers: Endgame - Here, Have Some Thoughts

At last, it is time to discuss Endgame. I’m still not totally sure how I feel about the movie. It’s the sort of thing I think will take time and rewatches to be totally certain of. But I want to get some stuff down here as a starting point, and then see how my opinions develop as time goes on. So, let’s ramble. 

General Thoughts:

I’ve been trying to figure out my overall sense of it, and I can’t really decide if it was a letdown or not. I don’t think it was explicitly disappointing, but the fact of the matter is, it was never going to be everything we wanted. It never could be. The best way I can put it is this: throughout the past year, I’ve had a lot of fun theorizing about what could happen in Endgame. Infinity War set up enough exciting possibilities, and as a fandom person, I specialize in coming up with things the narrative could do/could have done but didn’t. So the second that one potential plot was locked in as the one they were going with, there was a certain amount of wistfulness at the paths we weren’t going to take. That’s no one’s fault. They had to decide on something, and this was essentially what I’d expected for a long time. Still. When trying to figure out today if I feel like the movie delivered on a general level, I can’t really say it didn’t, but I can’t say I feel wholly satisfied either. Alas. That’s what fanfic is for.

So to that end: the movie was fun. It was a lot of fun to watch. After all that buildup, I was just tremendously excited to see what was actually going to happen. It was an enjoyable watch, and parts of it were quite good. Other parts, less so. I think they did some things very right and had a few very big misses. But I appreciate what they were trying to do, and I appreciate that I saw the care in at least most of it. They dropped the ball hard on a few things, but at least on first watch, I could feel the import of it all. If nothing else, it had the tricky task of placing a capstone (lol, Cap stone) on the extraordinarily ambitious experiment of the MCU, so if I feel a little residual malaise afterwards, well. At least I know they tried. 

When I think back on the movie, it seems like it naturally breaks into three parts, roughly corresponding to each hour of the movie. I think these three parts are uneven in quality, but they all had their strengths and weaknesses. To break them down: 

Part One, which I basically categorize as everything up to the Time Heist

Part Two: the Time Heist itself

Part Three: everything post-Snap Deux

And just as a last note, I’m sort of grouping the Russos and Markus and McFeely into one big team, so when I say the Russos, I’m usually crediting (or blaming) everyone in said team. Just a shorthand. 

For your mercy, since this became genuinely embarrassingly long, the rest is under the cut. I wish I could have collapsed each part into sections, but tumblr is so very limited and I couldn’t figure out if there was a way to do it. So this is what we’ve got. I split it up into sections under headers so you can scroll through to whatever part might interest you, so hopefully that helps its readability at least a bit. Beware: there is a veritable essay under the cut. But let’s bravely forge forward, friends. Onward! 

Part One

The movie was a little slow to start. On the one hand, I truly do appreciate that they tried to give the characters introspective moments instead of having it all be flash bang battle boom. That’s what we’re always asking for, and it’s what these movies need a lot more of. Unfortunately, I’m not 100% convinced they nailed most of said character scenes. I can’t remember everything - after all, I’ve only seen it the once, but I hope to shore up my evidence upon rematch - but while some of it worked for me, some of it didn’t. To make it even more complex, sometimes that happened within the same scene. Prime example:

The Steve and Nat scene. I loved it for Nat. I didn’t like it for Steve. In a very confusing way, this movie both did good and did very dirty by both Nat and Steve. I thought Nat’s characterization was very good. At last, her arc was focused on who I really think she is as a person: someone who cares very deeply about the people she’s let into her life, and someone who puts tremendous pressure on herself to fix everything. Her pain at her failure worked for me. Her inability to let go of what happened tracked. She was vulnerable and emotional but not in a way that betrayed the steel of her character. More than anything, she was allowed to be a person and not just the Sexy Femme Fatale with a snarky line, oh boys, eye-roll hair-flip hip-sway. I’ve said it before and this movie just further proved it: I only trust the Russos with Natasha. They’re the only ones who get her, who let her be multifaceted, who let her be whole. I love them for that, and this movie delivered me Nat in the way I was hoping it would. That’s a definitive Good in its favor. 

Alas. The Steve of it all. I have a lot of things to say about Steve in this movie, and I’m still trying to work it all out. His was the journey I was most focused on, understandably, and the one I was both most anticipating and certainly most dreading. Steve was barely in Infinity War, so I was very curious to see what they’d do with him when he took up a proper leading role again. And...I’m just. I don’t know. It wasn’t bad, mostly (aside from one very large asterisk, but we’re gonna talk about that a lot more later). But it wasn’t great either. It was. Fine. He wasn’t explicitly out of character, but he didn’t feel so essentially Steve like he did in the first two Cap movies. He had great moments, and he had meh ones. I think the scene with Natasha highlights a lot of what felt a little off about Steve for me. In theory, a scene in which Steve and Natasha commiserate would be my absolute bread and butter. But while Natasha worked so well for me, Steve seemed, if not wrong, still a little off. He seemed distant, a bit cold. I guess I just didn’t buy that Steve wouldn’t have been right there with Natasha during those five years. The implication that he’s been largely absent struck an off chord for me. If Nat’s the one in the chair managing the team, Steve’s the first person she’s sending out. Even more, Steve’s the guy in the kitchen, making her a cup of tea to make sure she’s hydrating. Their friendship was there, but it didn’t feel as vital as it did in Civil War. And it was essentially dropped after this scene, which is no good at all. So I don’t know. I think I need to see this scene again - it’s possible I’m not remembering it entirely well. But the fact that it wasn’t a scene I remembered as a standout means there was something missing. 

As for the rest of Part One, I thought it was a bit slow at first. I liked that they didn’t waste much time in going to get Thanos, because that tracked for me, but after the 5 Years Later title card, it started to drag a little. I did like the sense of atmosphere it established, though. Even if the dark, looming haze was a little pathetic fallacy - I suppose Thanos theoretically could control the weather, but I doubt he was bothering - it made for an appropriately effective setting. But Part One felt a little like it was spinning its wheels til Scott showed up. Speaking of which: 

I loved the Scott stuff! Paul Rudd is just so intensely likable, and I think they did a surprisingly good job of incorporating the more lighthearted caper-y feel of the Ant-Man movies into what is usually a more serious Almighty Doom Avengers vibe. But even more, I thought that Paul Rudd did a really good job with the emotional stuff. He’s a good actor! He excels at comedy, but he’s also so good at that stuff because he gets at the emotional cores too. He wasn’t overdoing anything, but when he reunited with Cassie, when he referenced Hope, I felt it. He did great. Scott’s stuff was pretty universally good. 

The Hulk stuff...not so much. On the one hand, it was refreshing to have Bruce/Hulk to be more comedic than ‘woe, for I am a Monster,” but this was...um. Not my favourite. It was just silly. Like, not bad bad. But I definitely didn’t need it. The whole lunch scene was as close to cringe as this movie came, and it was pretty close. I guess I like what it says thematically that Bruce was able to meld the parts of him that had always been in conflict, but I suppose I was hoping for more after the Infinity War storyline. I wanted to know why Hulk refused to come out in IW. I was intrigued by that in a way I hadn’t been intrigued by pretty much any of Bruce’s story lines until then, and the fact that that all disappeared and we got this instead was, well. Let’s use the intellectual term and call it a bummer. 

That being said, Brulk (what I suppose I’ll be calling him from now on) immediately worked better when he went into Thor’s storyline. I maintain that Thor makes everyone better, but I never actually enjoyed any of Bruce’s arcs until Ragnarok, and this movie proved that, unsurprisingly, Thor elevates Brulk like he elevates Rocket and almost every other previously lackluster character he touches. it’s a talent. 

I...did not expect Thor’s strolling to be. That. I really, really didn’t. That was the one true surprise of the movie, frankly. It’s not what I would have picked for him. But I guess I’m not exactly mad about it? For me, Thor is at the point where any storyline, no matter how ridiculous, works for him. Thor’s so good at this point, and Hemsworth is so charming, that I really buy whatever they want to sell me with him (not all they’s. Not Josh Wheat-thin. But we were nowhere near that level of awful). And to be fair, though this was all mostly played for comic relief, I can’t say it’s not also warranted. Thor clearly went overboard with the self-isolation and coping mechanisms, which isn’t strictly in character. But he went through so much, such an outlandishly awful string of events, that I can see how it would break him. It’s a weird way to process all that trauma, but they did the work to get him to a place where I could see him reacting like this. Again, not something I ever expected, and certainly not something I would have written for him. But after all that? I mean, I get it. And the most Thor thing about it was that his version of a breakdown was still sweet and kind to others. He wasn’t great for his people, but he’d given them a home and set them up with leaders who could take care of them, so if he retreated, it wasn’t really abandonment at that point. And when people came to see him, he wasn’t dark and dramatic and all ‘no one can understand my pain.’ He’s not that guy. He’s just too innately good. So even though it was certainly odd, and definitely not my favourite storyline, at least they kept the core of him intact? I’m bright siding here, but still. It’s fair. 

Though truly, I have to say: there’s something about this that I find mildly annoying. Thor and Chris Hemsworth are extremely objectified, and I’m certain that this was intended as a dismantling of the expectations we have for Thor to be the sex god that he is. But also...I don’t know, man. After so many years of us having to endure oversexualized female characters, you couldn’t let us ladies have just this one thing? The one time a male character is openly subjected to the female gaze in any long-term way, and it becomes a joke to remove that? I don’t actually think there was any ill will there. But I do think it speaks to the continuing inability of male writers and directors to really get it. To be absolutely fair, the Russos objectify women way less than the other films do, but still. They might think it’s funny to make fun of a character’s broad sexual appeal appreciated by a female audience by undermining it, but really, it’s just more of the same. 

Yay Korg! Yay Valkyrie being the real leader! Boo Valkyrie still not having a name (seriously, it’s her JOB TITLE. She was one of many Valkyries. Give her a name, for fuck’s sake.)! 

Tony being such a dick at the compound was a surprising move. It was a bad look, but I was intrigued that they’d let their golden boy act that badly. Tony’s always had such deep flaws, but they’ve always been simultaneously excused within the text, so to have him be so rough without excuse was interesting. Of course it was setting up for his ultimate redemption arc, but still. And then cut to 5 Years Later, and finally. This is the TonyI was promised in Iron Man 3, the Tony I still cared about. I liked him again in Infinity War, but I needed to see how they’d follow up to cement it. I’ll never love him like I do some of the others, but the only Tony I ever wanted to invest in is the Tony we finally got, the one who was fully and properly committed to Pepper, and the one who did the work not for his ego or his lack of impulse control, but who did it after a mature and honest discussion with his partner about the pros and cons, about what he was risking and what sort of person it would make him. This movie was primarily a sendoff of characters, and I’m not sure how many were supposed to be fully sent off. Btu there were two characters as the main objective, and the movie at least nailed one of them. 

I was so overwhelmingly ready for Tony Stark, billionaire playboy philanthropist, to go to bed, and for Tony Stark, devoted husband and father who uses his intellect responsibly and thoughtfully, to come forth. He got to keep an edge, but it tempered the parts of him that made him so easy to dislike. It’s too late for me to be a full Tony convert at this point, but I enjoyed him in this movie, and thought he was served better than most, which was 100% to be expected. But frankly, what some people think is a good sendoff is not always what I think is, so I was worried. And I was right to be worried, but surprisingly, not about Tony. More on that later. 

The time travel tests were fun, but I still found everything involving Brulk to be kind of painful to watch, so. Not saying I didn’t laugh here or there, though. 

Was Endgame sponsored by Audi?? Seriously, why was there so much Audi product placement. 

I’m not sure I even want to touch whatever was going on with Clint. I don’t think it was handled particularly well. In theory, the idea that one of them snapped (lol, sorry) at the unfairness of the random dissolving and decided to take out the bad people who should have been snapped away is interesting. But it was so barely glanced at, so underdeveloped, and then proceeded to go nowhere. We were clearly supposed to be concerned at what Clint was doing, but then he suffered no consequences for it? No reckoning, no moment of remorse, no acknowledgement that he’d let himself go too far? What was it all for? I buy that Nat would sacrifice herself to save hi, but it was an extra bitter pill to swallow given that I’m not entirely sure this version of Clint was worth saving. Certainly giving up Nat for him was a price too high. 

The Biggest Flaw

One of the things that disappointed me the most was the lack of presence for the characters who were lost in Infinity War. For a movie that was supposedly about loss and a drive to regain, there was absolutely nothing specific about it? So the whole mission read as generic hero-type “we need to save everyone because it’s the Right Thing to Do,” rather than a need to get their friends and teammates back. Of course the team wants to bring all the millions of people back, and of course they feel a responsibility to them because they had failed to protect them. But where was the sense of loss about their personal friends? Where was the feeling of lacking, that they had to adjust because the people they’d been fighting alongside for years were now gone? Where was their guilt that they’d not only let down the world at large, but the people whose backs they’d promised to always have? I think that’s part of why the first hour felt a little lacking to me. They were all so ad, but about what? The personal stakes were completely removed. The only one who had any degree of it was Clint with his family, but we don’t care about Clint’s family beyond an abstract familiarity. I suppose Tony had his moment with Peter’s picture, which served as an effective motivation. But what about the others? Why were Wanda, Sam, T’Challa, hell, even Vision, never even mentioned? The people they’d lost, the soldiers who’d fallen. That’s what should have made this movie different from the other Avengers ones: not that the team lost a big battle, but that they lost so many of their own because of it. That’s what hit so hard in Infinity War, and why it felt unique. And they didn’t pick that line up again. Such a missed opportunity. 

It’s taken me too long to write all this and I’m starting to forget everything, so fuck it, let’s move on to Part Two. 

Part Two

This was unquestionably the most fun hour of the movie. It's also probably the hour that's going to hold up the best in retrospect, simply because it was a lot of fun and had a good amount of drive without feeling overwrought. A lot of it was gimmicky, but it was the kind of gimmicky that I'm fine with in this type of movie. It was an unrepentant trip down memory lane, complete with all the cameos that get people so excited, and it was a little silly, but it was also a good time. If it was a bit scattered, it was also nostalgic and served as a neat little retrospective of where we've been. So, while it was definitely a little trite in its execution, it was also a lot of fun, so I'm cool with it.

I was highly suspicious of who was assigned to which stone because I knew it was setting up for more meta things rather than practicality. Steve and Tony had to go together to have one last bonding trip, and to be somewhere where they could meet their respective Important People from the past. Nat and Clint had to go together because they were the only team who would be resonant enough for a sacrifice (it couldn't be Steve and Tony that early in the movie, and they would never let Steve and Nat be a team even though by rights they would be). There were definitely more logical times to get some of the stones (seriously, why wouldn't they grab the Tesseract when it was just hanging out in that wall in Norway? Or when it was safely on Asgard in the vaults before Loki took it? Or or or, etc. etc. They chose a window that gave them about 30 seconds to enact the plan. I know, I know the first Avengers movie is a soft spot for most people. But logically, that was very nah.). But whatever. 

The cameos! There were so many, and they were surprisingly high-profile. I had always expected to see Loki again in pretty much this exact scenario, but I did not expect for Robert fucking Redford to make a two-minute cameo. Damn, son. Once I realized we were in the big leagues of cameo season, it was fun to guess who might make an appearance, and even more fun to see people I never would have expected. 

You know who I was surprisingly happy to see? The Ancient One. We rewatched Dr. Strange as part of my Marvel marathon a few weeks ago, and as thoroughly mediocre as that movie is, I forgot how much fun she is in that movie. Tilda Swinton is just really good. So she was kind of a delight. I still don't get her absolute faith in Stephen Strange, of all people, but I liked her scene even if I still don't really understand what the weird wizards do. It was also really nice to get to see Mark Ruffalo instead of Brulk for a bit. 

Seriously, Robert Redford! And holy shit, Rumlow! Super didn't expect that. And that elevator scene! I totally expected a repeat of the Winter Soldier elevator fight, though I'm not actually mad we didn't get one (it would never live up to the original, the Best).

Loved seeing Frigga again! I don't know that I buy Thor being that unable to rise to the occasion, and his therapy interlude with his mom was kind of a weird left turn. That being said, I liked it, and I'm happy they got to have that time, and I love Frigga and want to bask in her wiseness and perennial chillness always. It was sweet. 

I was also totally shocked to see Natalie Portman again (though I think I saw a headline that it was actually just old footage? I haven't confirmed that, but it would make more sense than Natalie Portman coming back for all of four seconds of filming), and I 1000% appreciated her (mostly off-screen) request for pants as her Asgardian wardrobe (which was subsequently denied). I love Jane. I miss Jane. 

So this now paves the way for random Loki appearances in the future, yes? Ngl, I grinned when Loki just noped out of space, and I'm all for vague possibilities of further Loki. Even if it raises a ton of questions about the space-time continuum (seriously, we're gonna talk about that), it was still fun.

I actually liked the Howard/Tony stuff. It was definitely a little saccharine and on the nose, but not too much. It worked, and it was sweet, and it gave Tony a nice moment that I think only really worked because he'd finally become the more mature version of himself. I buy that the Tony of 5 Years Later had a better understanding of Howard, and tried to give comfort instead of taking his own absolution. The Tony of all the other movies would have made this interlude about how he could assure himself of his father's love. This Tony just tried to connect in a way that seemed unselfish. While I was still lowkey stressed because, seriously, you guys are gonna get caught if you're just strolling out in the open like that, we know they're looking for you, I still liked this part well enough. 

Steve and Peggy, though...look. I don't know. We're gonna go much more into detail about this later, and some of this is clearly my own bias. But a) I do not care for the weird clearly film screenshot photo on Peggy's desk, which is a 100% no, and b) something about the chance of it all irked me. I'd buy Steve seeing Peggy's office and going in, but that he happened to hide in there? Nah. Not my fave. And him gazing wistfully at her...like, in theory, romantic? But I was already certain about where we were going with this, so all I could see were the problems in store, and I couldn't really enjoy it. Much more on that later. 

For the Agent Carter fans, I certainly appreciated the Jarvis cameo. I still haven't watched the show, but nonetheless. Cute. 

Steve vs. Steve

Look, I should have known better than to think that an Avengers movie could go without a big set piece internal conflict fight. This one was slightly less egregious because at least it made sense, but man. Every Avengers movie (Civil War included) features some big fight scene between friends and colleagues, and I’ve never known why Marvel is so into that when there are so many actual bad guys to fight. This scene at least led to some funny moments, but for real, why can’t these movies resist having the Avengers fight themselves, and in this case, literally themselves? I’ve always found it baffling. 

Meanwhile, more of me close-reading things that probably aren’t there: I like to think that the absolute bland stodginess of 2012 Steve is a veiled reference to Josh Wheat-thin’s paper-thin one-dimensional understanding of Steve Rogers. Maybe I’m giving the Russos far too much credit for this (I probably am), but Russos-brand Steve knocking down Wheat-thin’s Not!Steve was a physical manifestation of something I’ve long intellectually felt, so. It’s only that reading that kept me from sighing at how boring 2012 Steve was for a thousand years. So I’m sticking to it. 

That is America’s ass. 

Much like with RDJ and Tony, Steve has always been at his finest when they let Chris Evans and his charm bleed through. So the “I could do this all day,” *sigh( “yeah, I know,” was a clear comic highlight of the movie for me. That sounded like something Chris would say in an interview. Chris Evans is a funny guy! His actual personality (at least his public personality) is what won me over to him long before I started to like Steve. So whenever these movies let him be Captain America as played by Chris Evans rather than dull manifestation of watered down American values whatever that means Captain America, played by Man Who Is Not Robert Downey Jr., I consider it a win. That’s one of the Russos’ great strengths: that they let Steve be fun and quippy too. Not as much as RDJ gets to be, naturally, but still, their Steve gets to have a personality intend of being just a haphazard pile of tropes. The Russos nail him in varying and inconsistent degrees, less well in the bigger movies and never so well as in Winter Soldier, but at least they understand that you can have more than one character with a personality, unlike certain unnamed hack writer/directors whom I shall never stop excoriating. 

You know what I didn't love, tbh? Steve using "Bucky is alive" as a cheat phrase to shock 2012 Steve into letting him go. In theory, I can appreciate it. Steve knows that the only thing that can make him freeze is a reference to Bucky. It's a callback to what he talks about in Civil War - one mention of Bucky and he becomes 16 again, etc. etc. I get it. I understand that the Russos are sort of trying to throw a bone to the Steve/Bucky fans out there. However. Given Bucky's complete lack of presence in the rest of the film, it felt cheap? I never fooled myself so thoroughly into thinking the Steve/Bucky crew would ever get anything but crumbs, and that's exactly what they're giving us. But it's about what I discussed before: there was no feeling of loss throughout the entire movie, no lingering presence of the friends who'd been snapped away. I never thought they were going to have scenes of Steve caressing a picture of Bucky and weeping. But Steve didn't seem to care at all about who specifically was gone beyond a vague "we let down the world," so when he said this, it felt like a trick. It felt like manipulation, which it was, but it made Steve seem cold and dispassionate. Like he was playing his past, more emotional self. Idk, Steve was just so weird to me in this movie. He had awesome moments and then 30 seconds later, would have moments like this, which don't feel like Steve at all. Because he uses this cheap shot, gets 2012 Steve knocked out, and then doesn't follow it up with anything relevant. Just makes a quip and bounces. And don't get me wrong, I laughed at the quip! I did! But it further diminished the moment before, how he'd so casually thrown out this bit of information that had been so important to him in previous movies. It was his entire character arc in Winter Soldier and Civil War. And here, it felt meaningless to him, and the rest of the movie sort of supported that reading, and man. It just made me sad. 

And now we come to Natasha and Clint and the damn Soul Stone. 

First of all, a lot of this scene was repetitive. I get that they have to understand how it works, but man, we just did this. 

Next, did Nebula seriously not prepare any of them for this possibility? I suppose she couldn’t have known for sure how it worked, but afterwards, she sure seemed to connect the dots pretty quickly. Sure would have been logical for her to at least mention that there might be something shady going on over there. 

Ok, so. The sacrifice. I don't mind how they played it. One of the most in-character things in the whole damn movie was Nat and Clint physically fighting to sacrifice themselves to save the other. It works. HOWEVER. I really just...can't with the Soul Stone. I think it's so flawed. I understand the notion of a soul for a soul, but sacrificing someone else's soul? That's not yours to give. I don't understand why the Soul Stone would decide that you understand its power because you're willing to kill. And even if you have to specifically kill someone you love, that doesn't make you responsible, it makes you a zealot, which is exactly what Thanos is. I know this is how it went in Infinity War. But in the ensuing year, I've thought about it a lot, and I became convinced that there must be another way, because the logic is so bad. So I came up with the idea that the Soul Stone will also reward people who understand that the initial deal is bullshit and won't give someone else for their own agenda. And during this scene in Endgame, I basically started to write my own version, in which whoever won the fight to sacrifice themselves, not for their own designs, but to achieve the true greater good that they wouldn't even be alive to see, would be rewarded with the Soul Stone. So if Nat jumps off, sacrificing herself for her friend, to save him and save the universe, she would become the master of the Soul Stone. This makes sense to me. This is a cool twist. And once I thought of this, I became so sure that this made so much more sense than the Soul Stone rewarding murderers that I wasn't even able to fully feel the emotion of it all. I was just surprised that I'd been wrong, even though of course I'd been wrong. They weren't going to do something clever like that if they had a chance for an emotional sacrifice. I got too in my own head about it all. So I had to react very quickly to a scene that was already ending because I just wouldn't take the signs for what they were. 

Nat was always at risk, and I can't be mad about how she went. Of course she'd sacrifice herself for Clint, and for everyone else. But as I mentioned above, is this really the version of Clint that Natasha should give herself up to save? It's not out of character for her, and hell, at least Clint brought up what he'd done for the only time in the movie, but still. This wasn't a good trade to me. To quote another super lady I love, I suppose it's not about what they deserve, but still. 

But most of all, the problem was that once again, we had to sacrifice a female character for the good of the men. Individually, neither of the Soul Stone sacrifices were bad choices. In Infinity War, it could only be Gamora for Thanos, and in Endgame, Nat's arc had been building up to this. It wasn't a bad sendoff for a character like Nat. But on the macro level, just. I'm tired. And all it does for me is pinpoint the problems with having such a lack of female representation in the movies. They're doing better now than they were. Truly, they are. But after Nat dies, we have this scene of five men being sad and angry and throwing things, and it just drives home again and again that Nat was the token girl in the Avengers. There couldn't be another woman in that reaction scene, because in 2012, Marvel wouldn't invest enough in female characters beyond the Only Girl, so that's what we're left with now. If we want to foreground the original six Avengers, and we want to give Nat a dramatic death to finalize her journey, all we can do is filter that through manpain because those are the only characters we have left. And I know this is an old wound. It's futile to rail against it, and at least Marvel's kind of trying a little now with their newer movies. But the rot is still there, deep in the foundations, and it makes this stuff hard. Nat has as much right as anyone else to get a dramatic sacrificial death. But I didn't need both the Soul Stone sacrifices to be both the token girls in two sausage fest teams. I'm simply tired. 

Beyond that, when Clint comes back and the team reacts to Nat's death, Brulk didn't deserve the first reaction. He just didn't. At that moment, I was literally sitting there thinking, if they don't cut to Steve, I swear to god...and they did eventually. But Steve and Nat's relationship was so much more developed and meaningful than Bruce/Nat, so it frustrated me that Brulk got to have the big reaction. And frankly, it frustrated me that once Clint showed up, Steve and Nat's friendship was essentially dropped. I like Nat/Clint. I do. Their friendship worked for me in Avengers 1 in a way that pretty much none of the other relationships in that movie did. But Clint isn't Nat's best friend anymore. I don't begrudge them getting their moments, but I do begrudge the movie for sidelining Steve/Nat after that one scene, which already sidelined Steve/Nat in its implications. Frustrating, and out of character for the Russos. 

Not to mention the scene of them being sad together was very meh. I don't go for manly displays of sad aggression, even if you are part-Hulk. And their whole handwaving of 'she just can't be brought back, just deal with it!' Weak. I don't care for being told to just accept something you haven't explained. I think we all hoped there would be a more nuanced portrayal of whatever the Soul Stone is, shadowy and mysterious as it seems, and there just wasn't. We had to take it all at face value. I'm not one for willfully undoing deaths, because of course that lowers the stakes, but still. If you have an all-powerful gauntlet that can make and unmake a universe, you're gonna have to explain to me why you can't bring someone back, even if the circumstances were particular. Clint is not some expert on the Soul Stone. He just decided this was how it had to be just...cause. Nope. 

The Snap

This was, if nothing else, interesting. It was perhaps closest to the detail that we fic writers crave, because they actually discussed who would wield the gauntlet and why. It was akin to something I'd write for this scene, though it went differently than my own would (will...you'll see.). And I'm glad that at least the arguments were logical. I always assumed it should be Thor but wouldn't be Thor, though I don't know that I buy them sidelining him like that. I think he could have handled it. But whatever. I had assumed that for thematic reasons, they'd make it be Steve or Tony, so I guess I appreciated that Brulk did it, because frankly, the gamma radiation explanation made sense. I didn't think he was a frontrunner going into this movie, but the reasoning was logical and sound, something I wish there'd been more of in some of the big events of the movie. 

What I don't understand? The gauntlet itself. I don't really see how a random Iron Man suit glove would be enough to channel the Infinity Stones? They never fully explained how Thanos's gauntlet worked, but presumably metal forged from a collapsing neutron star would be formidable and unusually strong. I get that the Iron Man suits are fancy, but they're still just Earth metals. This has always been an inconsistency in the MCU that's bothered me - Tony's suits have intermittently been able to stand extreme displays of force only to become vulnerable to the elements a few scenes later - but this still seemed a bit handwave-y. It certainly won't make or break the movie for me, but hell, if I'm airing every single thought I had during this movie, which judging by the length of this thing I sure seem to be, well. Might as well mention it. 

I've forgotten to discuss all the Thanos/Gamora/Nebula 2014 stuff. Frankly, that's because it was the least interesting part of this segment. It was fine, but when I figured that Nebula would have a big role to play in Endgame based on what I'd heard about the comics, I didn't think it would be to our heroes' detriment. I grant that it wasn't her fault, but man. Everything that went wrong did so because of Nebula, and that's a rough thing to put on one character. 

This part also falters because in retrospect, that was another aspect of the time travel set up that failed. We're gonna go into the time travel problems in a devoted section, but if anything didn't make sense even at the time of watching, it was this stuff, which made it hard to love. Also, I've had more than enough scenes of Nebula either being annoying or tortured, and I just. Don't care. I've warmed to her more lately, but I'm still not invested in any of that stuff. I stand by my statement that Gamora is the only one worth anything in the entire Guardians franchise, and while it was nice to see her again, I don't love all this stuff going wrong because of an inconveniently timed technical glitch. 

The abrupt and brutal transition from Part Two to Part Three was intense, and I was into it. Part Three had some problems, but a lack of excitement certainly wasn’t one of them. So let’s get to it. 

Part Three

The momentum of the big battle was pretty excellent. Once it got going, it didn't stop, and if this is what these movies were building towards, well, it certainly did the job. As epic battles go? This one was really good. I think it got that edge because for once, we genuinely didn't know who would make it out. Shows and movies always tease that this one could be the one, no really, we mean it, so much stakes, such high stakes! And they never follow through. But we knew someone wasn't getting out of this one. It was even money at this point whether it was Steve or Tony or Thor (yeah, I said it. I wasn't sure about him), but I think we all knew that all of them surviving after all of this would be a cheat, so. Someone was going. And yeah, we all fretted about it in Infinity War, but we always knew there was another movie to go. This one is the confirmed end for some of them. So it wasn't a matter of if anymore, but when and how. And that, finally, made this battle feel breathless in a way that none of the others could. It's not that I'm bloodthirsty. I am absolutely not someone who thinks you need to kill off major characters in order for it to mean something. But to genuinely not know what was going to happen for once? That's an experience that a jaded over-analytical girl like me doesn't get a lot, and it's pretty unbeatable in terms of anticipation.

Having them split up like that from the get-go was fun. Clint clutching the gauntlet and running through the hallways away from those awful unexplained monsters was exciting as hell. Scott running to save the ones trapped in the flooding basement was great. I don't really understand why Thanos was just sitting there, but having Steve, Thor, and Tony as the ones face to face with him was smart, because those were the main guys, so you never had that sense that nothing important could happen yet. The big characters were present at the epicenter from the get-go. 

The billowing dark smoke and crumbling rubble were an excellent atmosphere. If nothing else, this movie did scenery very right. It felt apocalyptic without being unexplained. 

The Fight

The thing about me and fight scenes: I get super tired of formulaic, generic fighting. Big car chases, too much CGI, muddled directing, it bores me. The first couple of Avengers movies were like that, which made the fight scenes eminently skippable to me. But a good fight scene? I love it. I absolutely love good choreography, sharp directing, the way it can feel like a dance. This is why I can't say enough about the Winter Soldier fight scenes. They're exquisitely put together, and I find them utterly invigorating every time, no matter how many times I've seen them. This fight scene? It was somewhere in the middle, but it edged more towards the good end of the spectrum than the bad. The Russos are very good at directing fight scenes. They're not always awesome at articulating the reasons for said fight scenes (looking at you, Civil War), but they are adept at making fight scenes feel coherent and exciting. This is often because they understand that you need a focus. The focus can shift, but in every aspect, you need to have someone you're following, and you need to be able to understand what's going on. And more than anything, I think the Russos are good at centering on the physical toll that a fight takes out of the characters. Sure, there's a ton of CGI. You can't get away from that with a Marvel movie. But they're great at filtering it all through the perspective of a character, and they're best at it with Steve. They get right to the core of the grittiness of Steve in a battle. You feel his struggle, you feel how much it hurts when he gets knocked down but still gets up, again and again. This was not my favourite battle scene in the MCU, but I liked it a lot, because you feel like it means something. It isn't just an excuse to have cool explosions and CGI weapons going wild. This battle said something about who the people fighting it are, and that's the best case scenario for what this scene was going to be. 

I can't remember everything about the battle. I'll have to fill in some of the blanks upon rewatch. But hey, it was fun. I don't really understand why Thanos's weird blade thing was so powerful. I really don't know why it was able to slice through Steve's shield like that. But if I try to close read a battle too deeply, well, there lies madness, so. There was enough going on in distinct sections of the field that it kept things interesting. I knew everyone was going to show up at some point (thanks, Sebastian Stan, for spoiling that, like, a full year ago), but I didn't feel like we were spinning our wheels til then. And let's be real, most of it was Steve vs. Thanos, which was a good time for all sorts of reasons. Especially this one: 

STEVE AND MJOLNIR!!!!! Listen. Listen. I know I'm being played to. I know this is just one of those overly manufactured moments specifically designed to make you go "fuck yeah!" I knowwwwww. But goddamnit, it worked. Boy, did it work on me. The way they directed it, the way they hadn't tipped us off too much (like they did with some other things), all of it...I did go fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, man. That's my guy with Thor's spare hammer, because he's worthy and he's wonderful and he's gonna fuck Thanos up with it. And I remember when this stuff was first teased way back in Ultron, it annoyed me, because a) I didn't care about Steve at the time, and b) it didn't make any sense. Mjolnir is supposed to choose the person who is worthy to rule Asgard, and that was already Thor. Why would the hammer switch allegiances, and what, would Steve then rule Asgard? But at this point, Thor's got a new weapon, and more than anything, Asgard is gone. The hammer's choice no longer has real world consequences. It's merely an indicator of personal value. And that's Steve. So, fuck yeah. 

Again, it only really worked because the hammer wasn't choosing Steve instead of Thor. It was in addition, and Thor had Stormbreaker anyway, so I didn't have to feel threatened on Thor's behalf. But also, it allowed for little moments like, 'no, you get that one, I get the big one,' from Thor, which was delightful, simply because Steve and Thor's mid-battle engagements are always delightful. That's a tradition I'm pleased got to be continued in this movie. 

I know what they were doing, I see what they were doing, but hell, I'm gonna treasure the image of my man wielding the shield in one hand and Mjolnir in the other. I never knew I wanted it until I got it, but I will take it and cherish it always.

I'd been waiting for everyone to show up. I didn't know how they were going to do it, but I knew they were, because, well, Sebastian Stan had told me so, but also because I knew Marvel could never resist having everyone fighting all at once. That's what this movie was made for, let's be honest. So it was only a matter of time. However, I didn't know how they were going to do it, and frankly? On your left. ON YOUR LEFT. Reader, I loved it. 

Sure, all the portals were a little silly. How did they coordinate so quickly, and why did they all show up at once instead of each of them just coming in when they were ready so they could help as quickly as possible (I mean, we know why. But diegetically, etc. etc.)? And this was another one of those tailor-made 'fuck yeah' moments that more often than not make me roll my eyes instead because of the desperate transparency. But you know what? It was fun. I know what this movie was, and this was what it came to do, and I am capable of just enjoying it. So I did. Everybody shows up and the wizards are finally being useful and you know it's time to just abandon yourself to the crazy and let it all happen. It's grand. 

But truly, on your left was a perfect way to do it. Maybe I should have called it, except that I never would have assumed that something so precious to fandom would actually be what the film itself chose to do. There were certainly a disproportionate number of references to Winter Soldier in this movie overall, which I appreciated, but this was a dream. I got chills. Elegant, lovely, character-appropriate. A++. 

Once the madness got going, I was just along for the ride. I don't have a lot to critique about the battle royale. It was a lot of fun. There were little things peppered in that elevated it - particularly whatever character reunions we could get quickly. I was particularly partial to Scott and Hope and their smiles at each other (plus Hope calling Steve Cap. We'd just watched Ant-Man and the Wasp the night before, so I freshly remembered Hope mocking Scott for calling him Cap, and then here this was as a cute little reference to reward the loyal. Not too heavy-handed, but little sprinkles for the devoted fans, and that's the kind of care for the seriality of the MCU effort that I appreciate from the Russos). It was impossible to give every character fair play, but I enjoyed the characters who did get moments. I liked the team work of passing the gauntlet between people. I did wonder if anyone would put it on, but no one did, and I see why. Still, it was a fun sub-mission within the larger battle. 

CAROL. I haven't talked nearly enough about Carol in this movie. She was sadly not in it that much, which I suppose makes sense (apparently she filmed this before Captain Marvel? So she really wasn't fully Carol yet when they were doing this movie). But I appreciated that her clear power superiority was suitably respected. And before she turned up, that moment when the guns turn around and everyone's like, 'what are they firing at?' And I knew, I knew. And my mind screamed CAROLLLLL and there she was and it was glorious. 

The charge of all the women. Look, I know 100% that I was being played. This is the kind of soulless pandering to your female audience to make them think they're getting a lot more than they are. We've already talked about the iffiness of the female presence in this movie, and how they're continually sidelined for plot reasons. That being said. I can see what they're doing, I can roll my eyes at the manipulation within it, and still fucking love it. I can. I contain multitudes like that. And when all the women marched boldly across the screen to protect each other and break through the fight, I absolutely fucking loved it. I teared up, honest to god. I LOVE THEM. I love these women and I love their power and I will cheer with abandon at their strength and solidarity. I absolutely understand that this was yet another manufactured moment designed to hit at people exactly like me. And yes, I can be critical of the fact that they're not giving us more than token moments. But I will still love this moment, because look at all those women. I meant what I said when I admitted that Marvel's at least been doing better in recent years, because the fact that we even have women in the double digits to fill this scene is the result of maybe just the last three years or so. It's not enough, but it's better than it was, and I hope it leads to a better future. So my heart swelled and I smiled like crazy while my ladies got their moment. May it be merely one of many more. 

Also, Pepper got to fight! Loved that. I have long felt cheated out of the Pepper Extremis storyline, so while this doesn’t make up for it, hey, it was something. 

I don't know why it is that Tony and Dr. Strange as a pairing work for me. They're two characters I've had tremendous problems with who are somehow very interesting together. But when Strange looked at Tony and held up the one, and it was a quiet, intimate little thing amidst all this chaos - it got me. I don't know. Something about it was very affecting. The moment of understanding between them, and what Tony rose up to do. It really worked. 

So, Tony. Frankly, this was precisely the kind of moment I anticipated Steve going out in, but they gave it to Tony instead. I'm both surprised and not. They were always going to prioritize Tony and his journey. That being said, while I intellectually understood that Tony was at risk in this movie, I never really thought Marvel would have the stones to actually kill him and thus make it impossible for him to return. I was too spooked from the last round of wrapping up Tony's character arc only to strike a deal with RDJ and thus rework the entire MCU specifically for his benefit. So yeah, I could never fully wrap my mind around Marvel really letting him go. So in that, I was genuinely surprised. But on a narrative level? It worked. Yeah, this is something I'd have expected Steve to do instead, but honestly, Steve didn't need to do this to prove what kind of person he is. Steve was always the person who would sacrifice himself to save everyone. He's done that already, and he'd do it as many times as he needed to (the ending of this movie notwithstanding, I guess...). There would be nothing added by Steve sacrificing his life by using the gauntlet except an extra sharing of tears. Tony, though? Tony needed something like this to fully complete his journey as a character. Let's be clear: he didn't need to die. I'll never say that someone needs to die to achieve full redemption or growth. There are other ways they could have come to this point with Tony. But this is one way to do it, and it's not wrong. Really, it should have been someone else. There was probably time, and other people on the field had a better chance of surviving the Snap. But if you're in that situation, and you're maybe not thinking totally clearly and things are looking rough and you see an opportunity like that? Yeah, I get it. Tony's always been impulsive, and his growth in this movie tempered his impulsiveness. But if he's going to have impulsive moments, it's progress that they're for the genuine good. 

In a lot of ways, this climax was formulaic. While it's a stretch to call Tony a father figure, he's still a sort of father figure of the MCU, and they're usually the first on the chopping block when it comes to epic fantasy conclusions. But I didn't really have a problem with it, because it was clearly meant to be a tearjerker, but it wasn't just that. More than any other character, Tony needed something that would really indicate that he'd changed as a person, become better. Of course Tony has put himself at risk to help others throughout these movies. But it's never been entirely selfless in the way this is, somehow. I don't know that I can articulate why it's different. But it felt different, and it felt like something that worked for his character more than it would for others. I don't doubt for a second that Steve or Thor would use the gauntlet without hesitation, and Nat already proved that she'd do the same. When Tony used the gauntlet, he suddenly held more control than he's ever had in his life, and yet he gave up control in the most powerful way he could have. Tony has always been obsessed with directing the narrative, creating monsters in his attempts to control the future. But by using the gauntlet, knowing what would happen, even as an extraordinary display of power, he's relinquishing his stranglehold on control and fully giving himself over. In order to win, we have to lose. In order for the Avengers to win, Tony has to lose. At the end, he understands that, and he accepts it, and Iron Man can really, finally die. 

His death scene was effective. I felt things, and I could definitely hear a lot of the theatre sniffling around me. They also did the right thing in terms of the relationships they foregrounded. I was genuinely worried that they'd have Pepper move away for Steve to be the final moment with Tony, and I was ready to riot, but that's not what happened. I'll give them credit for that. Rhodey, Peter, and then Pepper, and it absolutely should have ended with Pepper. I have always said that Tony only works with Pepper, and this movie did a good job of establishing his devotion to her and the way it's inspired him to finally be better. And I really liked how quiet this moment was, and how calm and strong Pepper was. It felt like a natural continuation of that scene they'd had earlier in the movie when they'd discussed what to do. They have matured together as a couple, they went into this understanding the stakes, and they are genuinely prepared to face the consequences. It was really nice, and it gave me emotions in a way that a more desperate show of misery wouldn't have done. 

I saw it coming, but I still appreciated the parallel of “but would you be able to rest?” to “you can rest now.” It was lovely. 

If Tony's death scene was handled well, his funeral was a bit more meh. I get what they were going for, and it was fine, but it didn't get me the way the previous scene had. It was a little too grandiose. I enjoyed seeing some of the groupings - special mention to the Pym/Lang clan, which I'm surprisingly invested in - but the slow pan to every single group was a bit overdone. At a certain point, we were reaching clusters of people who had no real connection to Tony, and a general pan up to include the crowd as a group would have sufficed. It definitely started to feel a little overindulgent. But what else did I expect. 

That video, though - that was the kind of stuff that does get to me more, even if it’s an easy get. I don’t have much to say about it. It was nice. 

And now we must discuss the thing I’ve least been looking forward to going through...

That Ending

I've been having trouble figuring out how exactly to tackle this. I'm honestly really curious about how other people viewed the ending, particularly people who actively ship Steve/Peggy. Because truthfully, this whole ending felt incredibly off to me. I'm trying to parse out how much of it is that it's an extremely fanservice ending for a ship I don't fully ship, but I don't think that's all of it. Regardless, I'd love to hear what people who do ship them thought, and if the pros outweigh the cons if you ship them enough. I've been trying to sort out if I'd feel the same way if it had been, say, Bucky that Steve went back to live with (in a 10000% hypothetical world in which a Disney-owned franchise would ever dare). It's hard to discount the effect of shipper goggles, and maybe I'd be more forgiving if I were more attached to the pairing in question. But I've been thinking about it a lot, and I just can't get past a few major things.

For one, let's get it out in the open: I didn't like the ending, at all. That being said, I was absolutely certain they were going to go this way. Not the whole time - for most of last year, I was still putting even money between Steve dying heroically and Steve getting stuck back in time. But once the trailers started coming out, I became increasingly sure. First, the Peggy compass makes an appearance despite the fact that I didn't even know Steve still had it (seriously, did it show up in any of the previous movies? Maybe it did, but it was unremarkable enough that I didn't remember). Alarm bells started to ring. Then they had that trailer with Peggy's voiceover, and I was certain. Listen. I know when I'm being primed. I see when they're trying to 'subtly' remind me of characters, themes, relationships. They were laying groundwork to make people think they'd earned this ending. And I tried so hard to make myself ok with it. I really, really tried. I prepped myself, I talked it through with myself, I warned myself again and again to make peace with it, because this is where they were going. But still, but still...man, I hoped it would be better than this. Even when Steve mentioned Peggy as the love of his life during that therapy group, which was more than a little heavy-handed and definitely not his style, and I became 100% sure that we were locked into this path, I gave myself another shot of 'prepare for this! It's happening!' and just hoped for the best. And instead. Well. 

The most essential problem of this whole, messy thing, is that time travel just doesn't work. It just doesn't. We'll hit on that again later, but if you're trying to come up with an elegant solution to a problem involving time travel, it can't be done. This movie came closer than some, but it's an impossible problem, and it always will be. Separate from the logical pitfalls, though, there are myriad character problems that this movie just didn't deal with, which kept me from being able to find any satisfaction in the ending. First and foremost, they never committed to whether Steve was going back in this original timeline or branching off into an alternate timeline. The only logical thing would be the latter, because otherwise things would start to become undone before our very eyes, but the fact that he's sitting by that lake in our original timeline at the end ruins that option. In the days it's taken me to write all this, it's since come out that the Russos claim that it was in fact the former - that he was in an alternate timeline and it's a mystery how he ended up back in this one - but the problem is, that is not at all supported in the text. I 100% believed he had stayed in this timeline based on him appearing in our timeline at the end, and there's literally nothing in that scene that would indicate otherwise. So, frankly, no matter what the Russos are saying in interviews, the film itself does not make that clear, and there's no guarantee that any subsequent films will reference what the Russos are hinting at in the future. So for the moment, we can only assume what we've seen, and that's that Steve went back in this initial timeline and lived out his life from 1970 to now with Peggy. And the problem with all this, the risk you take in taking on time travel, is that if Steve goes back to 1970 to marry Peggy and live out his life, there are two and only two options. 1. He goes back in time and alters things, because how could he not? All the things he knows, the people he can help, hell, the very fact that he's there at all - they all change what the reality of this timeline is, and the repercussions echo through to the present and the whole world suddenly shifts. But clearly, that's not what happened, because Sam and Bucky and Brulk are still there, they don't feel a thing, nothing's changed. Which brings us to 2. Steve goes back in time, understands he can't change anything because of the risk involved, somehow manages not to change anything unintentionally despite his presence there (in itself, a complete impossibility - time travel doesn't work), and chooses to live his life quietly, without affecting anything, and that's his happy ending. And that? Is awful. 

So let's say I buy it. Let's say I believe that Steve can go back like that and not significantly unmake the world. To me, understanding Steve's character the way I do? That isn't a happy ending. That's a tragedy. That means that Steve will have to watch everything that he knows is going to happen, every injustice, every crime against humanity, and just let it happen. He takes a back seat throughout all the wars and the misery and the atrocities. He sees someone walk into the road in front of a bus and doesn't try to help, because that would alter the timeline. There's letting Steve retire, and then there's letting Steve become an apathetic drone out of necessity. 

But even worse is the personal scale. When I complained about this to my sister, she said that a person wouldn't necessarily feel the need to avert, say, the Vietnam war, just because they knew it was going to happen. Sure, fine. I'd argue that if any person would, it'd be Steve, but ok, let's say for the sake of argument that I agree. But what about the stuff that hits closer to home? Even if we can accept that Steve wouldn't care that Bucky was still in Hydra's clutches for roughly 40 more years (and hey, this movie made an honest effort of trying to say that Steve only tangentially cares about Bucky, so maybe we are supposed to believe that), could he really be happy knowing that Hydra is growing and taking over the very organization that his wife founded, and is currently working at?? We know from Ant-Man that Peggy remains involved at S.H.I.E.L.D. until at least the 90s, if not longer. How could he watch her go to work every day not knowing what she was helping to create? What about the Starks? Seeing little Tony born, knowing he could help, maybe ease the tensions between Tony and Howard, help them come together? Only you can't, because if Tony doesn't have the childhood he has, then maybe he never becomes Iron Man, and what would happen then. So watching all that happen, and then knowing the exact day his friends Howard and Maria get violently murdered, and sitting back and letting it happen. Knowing that somewhere out there, Natasha is a child being trained to be a killer, being gaslit, being owned, and just leaving it alone. This doesn't sound like a happy ending. This sounds like a genuine nightmare - paralyzed, watching a slow-motion car crash that you know you could stop if only you could just stand up. It's horrifying. And that's what I'm expected to rejoice in? Because him getting to date Peggy again makes that all worth it somehow?

But fine, let's be absolutely, totally fair. Let's say it's ok for the Russos to just tell us what happened vs. everything they showed us in the movie itself. So, cool, Steve went back in time and sprouted off an alternate timeline. Fine. It's better than the alternative, that's for sure. But it still feels wrong for him, and here's why. The tragedy of Steve's story has always been in the longing to go back while facing the impossibility of it. He lost his friends, his girlfriend (I guess...more on that later), everything he knew. It's heartbreaking. It's a lot of why Steve and Bucky are so popular in this fandom - they represent that feeling of nostalgia that we all feel about our lives, brought to an extreme and fantastical degree, and it's fascinating material. You can't go back, but oh, wouldn't it be lovely if you could? Except what makes Steve so incredible, so resilient, is that he adapts. He wakes up 70 years later and everything is different and he finds a way to move forward. It's sad! It's so sad to think of him like this, this man out of time. That's why we have so many fics about some magic trick that lets him go back in time like he's always wished to. But I ask you - how many of those fics end with him staying in the past? Genuinely, I'm asking. I've never read one that ends like that. Because that's not how these stories need to go. Returning to the past is so alluring. It is. I'm an exceptionally nostalgic person, and I absolutely romanticize my happy childhood, or my teens, or my college years, when things were good, when things were easy. Everyone does. But you can't go back. Even if you somehow could, it's not the same, because you're not the same. That's always the moral of these stories, because it has to be. Because humanity is about adapting, about moving forward because there's just no other choice. And of course escapist fantasies of going back and fixing everything are fun. But I've watched and read a lot of sci-fi, and the message is always that that isn't really what it's cracked up to be. And there's a reason for that. 

But sure, let's move forward. Let's say he creates a branched-off timeline and is thus able to affect change in a truly Steve Rogers way. Cool! So I'm gonna assume he roots out Hydra from S.H.I.E.LD., he goes and saves Bucky, he improves the lives of his friends once they're born. Awesome! What a cool AU! Except. It's still kind of a miserable fate to wish on Steve. He can't save everyone, and he knows that. He can do some good, but rewriting half a century of history is too much for any one man, even Steve. But god, imagine the pressure. Imagine the guilt. He does what he can, but he can't fix everything, and he's Steve Rogers, so of course it weighs on him. And yes, you can say, that's what people live with every day! We know there's suffering out there, but we find a way to live through it! Yeah, of course. But you know why? Because we have the blissful luxury of not knowing for sure. We know there are terrible things out there, but a) we're not super soldiers, and b), we don't have advanced knowledge. We can know things are going on out there, but we also can't know that it isn't going to get better, that there isn't someone out there about to fix it. If you go back in time? You know for sure. You know how many people die in useless wars. You know about the epidemics, the awful chapters of human history. And you know it doesn't get better. What do you do?? You can't save everyone. But then your wife comes home from work and turns on the news, and you see the latest death count from something happening out there, and you sit there and think "maybe I could have stopped that." It's ghastly. Time travel is great for fantasies and quiz questions, but it's a gift that it isn't possible, because it would drive you to ruin. It would break your heart every day. So when people say it's wonderful that Steve got to be selfish and live out his life in the past? I can only see the things that are going to make his life miserable. I'd love to be happy for him, but instead, it's this. 

But even beyond all that, what about what it says not only about his character, but about everything that's happened in the MCU so far? Listen, I'm the first to say that his friendships with most of the Avengers were tenuous at best. When the Team Tony contingent of the internet railed against Civil War Steve for picking Bucky over his 'new family,' well, I didn't have a problem with that. It made sense to me. But he also wasn't abandoning everyone. He wasn't completely giving up the life he'd built. But by doing what he does in Endgame, Steve's basically saying he doesn't care about any of the people he's formed relationships with over the past 13 years as much as he cares about dating Peggy. And I...look. Some people will find that super romantic. Maybe I would have when I was, like, 19. But at this point in my life? Romance is great, but so are friendships. So are the bonds with people you've formed over years of trust and companionship. And giving up all of them for a chance at a girl you were into for a couple of years a decade and a half ago? That's not romantic to me anymore. That doesn't do it for me. Steve deserves his chance with Peggy if that's what he wants. But not at the expense of everything else. And I'm supposed to rejoice in that? That after 5 years of missing his friends, he spends, what, a week with them, and then leaves them forever? I'm very carefully trying to remove my feelings about the Steve/Bucky of it all for fairness, but what about Sam? What about Wanda? Remember that relationship that I was so attached to? Even removing the Avengers, there are people Steve loves who I can't wrap my head around him willfully leaving forever (especially since, god, doesn't Wanda need support more than ever right now? He doesn't even stick around for that?). I'll admit, I buy it slightly more now that Natasha's gone (sighhhhh), but even if she'd lived, I don't think the writers would have changed their minds about this ending, and then you'd better believe I'd be screaming bloody murder about this. I don't know, man. Maybe it's me! I have definitely turned on a lot of mainstream romance plots over the years! But god, isn't that what these movies were supposed to be about? The bonds of friendship, the bonds of brotherhood and comradeship, soldiers banding together against an insurmountable army? Am I still, after all of this, supposed to be happy that Steve drops all of his relationships so he can have another shot at an almost girlfriend? 

So let's talk about the Peggy factor. I love Peggy. She's wonderful. But you know what's a real sticking point to me in all this? We know for a fact that she had a life that she loved, lived fully and without regret. In her own words, her only regret was that Steve didn't get to live his. But I never took that to mean she wished it for him at the expense of hers. And yes, I'm sure she would have been happy with Steve too! Well, at least we can hope. But one of the greatest gifts Winter Soldier gave us was allowing Peggy to be a character separate from Steve. As much as I love her in The First Avenger, she still mostly served as a support in Steve's journey. But in Winter Soldier, they made it very clear that Peggy was her own person. That she was there for Steve, that she loved him and cared for him, but that her life was not dependent on him. She found her own adventures, her own happiness. Everything she built, she did on her own, separate from her connection to Steve. I loved that. It was so refreshing to have a character who had been conceived as a love interest get to boldly make clear that she was her own entity. That she was a whole person. And then...this. 

I'm sure that lots of people don't think Steve going back in time and marrying Peggy alters this. None of my irl friends seem to mind this ending like I do. But for me? It feels like a life stolen. Peggy got married! I'm not sure if she had kids, but she might have, and she had a brilliant career and made a name for herself. And Steve knew this. And he decided to make it all never happen. He inserted himself into a place he no longer belonged and took it all for himself again. I know that some people are celebrating this choice as Steve being finally, rightfully selfish, after a lifetime of sacrificing his own happiness for others. But this? It feels wrong. It feels willful. And sure, if it's in a branched timeline, maybe you can look at it sideways enough that it doesn't feel like the theft of a happy life to you. But it still says something about Steve that doesn't sit right with me. I'm all for Steve being less self-sacrificing. When I headcanon my ideal ending for Steve, it always involves him getting to take a slice of happiness for himself. But not like this. Not by undoing someone else's life, not by taking something directly from others. That's not Steve Rogers. 

Meanwhile, let's settle an area of confusion. When I watched the movie - hell, when I first started writing this - I thought he went back to live in 1970 after he dropped off the Tesseract. Frankly, that was the only good thing I had to say about this ending (and I did say it when I was discussing the movie with my friends directly after) - that by going back to 1970, at least Peggy had some time to live a life without him, and he just joined her partway through. But given how long it's taken me to write this, other things have filtered in, and I guess the prevailing wisdom is that he actually went back to the 1940's? I know the cars looked old, so maybe that was the clue, but I wasn't certain, and maybe I just hoped it wasn't the case. Because while this maybe makes it better on the Steve front, it makes it worse for Peggy. She doesn't get to live a life without him at all. And listen, I don't doubt Peggy Carter! I think she can do anything, and she certainly doesn't have to be alone in order to establish herself. But do we really think that in 1945, hell, 1950, 1965, anyone would think Peggy did it all on her own when she had Steve Rogers on her arm? That was part of what I loved about how Steve/Peggy went down. While it was sad for them on a personal level, it meant that after the war, during a notoriously sexist backlash era, Peggy's success was never attributed to her connection with Steve. But with this? It's absolutely unfair, but it would absolutely tarnish her own agency. And I think she would suffer with it. I have long thought that Steve and Peggy, if given the chance to be together in the 40s like they planned, would have actually run into some problems once the war settled down. I have a whole treatise to write on this that perhaps I will someday. It's not that I think they wouldn't have worked. But I'm not certain they would have, because I think the things that make them wonderful as people would have made it difficult for them to be a couple. And this kind of timeline fuckery is exactly the kind of stuff that I think would have tested them, and not necessarily in a strengthening way. Maybe I'm not giving them enough credit. I absolutely don't think they're doomed to fail. But by forcing them into this kind of trite 'happy ending,' this movie is asking me to ignore what I know about these characters, who they are and how they live and what they've done. That doesn't feel like a satisfying end to me. 

Beyond that, it's impossible at this point to separate the way I feel about Marvel's treatment of its women from what happens in the narrative. In the same way that I don't dislike Nat's storyline for her character individually, but I'm fully raising my eyebrows at them killing off the token girl in the team, it's hard for me to separate all that stuff regarding Peggy. Diegetically, Peggy deserves her chance with Steve. But on an outside level, it doesn't feel great that she exists solely as Steve's Reward in this movie. She doesn't even have any lines. She exists to be gazed at, and then to be danced with. I know we know Peggy's powerful and amazing. But the fact of the matter is, if you only watch the MCU, Peggy's only been in two movies, and one of them for only a few minutes. They killed her off-screen in Civil War. And then she's this in Endgame. Howard Stark gets a long, extended walk and talk with Tony, and Peggy gets this. It doesn't feel great! The exhausted feminist in me is always struggling with this stuff. Peggy doesn't have to be alone in order to be her own person! But I don't trust the MCU to put any of their women in relationships with men (even friendships, frankly), and have them still be the main characters. God, no one even says her name in the whole damn film. I'm probably nitpicking! Welcome to the hell that is living in my own head 24/7! Pity me.

God, I don't know. It's all so complicated. I might be entirely wrong in this. I really would love to talk to others about this and see if I'm just looking at this all wrong. But even though I've long known they were going this way, it's still precisely why I was hoping this movie wouldn't go the time travel route. That way lies madness. It just creates so many more problems than it solves. Problem is, when I planned for this eventuality, I always thought it would be an accident or some sort of necessity and that Steve would get stuck in the past. He'd get cut off back in time and adapt like Steve Rogers does, find the happiness in his new circumstances like he always has. But somehow, it never occurred to me that he would choose to go. That he would willfully decide, all on his own, without consultation or discussion, that he was doing this. And something about that particular change has just been rankling me. For all the reasons outlined above, it lessens Steve's character to me in a way that I never anticipated. I always wanted Steve to retire. My happy ending for him is having him find other, non-fighting ways to help people while also getting to live his own life. But I always wanted it to be his own life, not someone else's. I'm certain people will argue that Steve was never supposed to be in 2012 in the first place, that he was meant to live out his life in his own timeline. But that's not what happened, and the MCU asked me to invest in the last 8 years of Steve learning how to adjust to the extraordinary things that happened to him. If I wasn't interested in seeing that, I would have stopped after The First Avenger. While I understand that Steve getting stuck back in time would have done iffy things for his agency, I think I could have made this work if that was how it all played out. But by him choosing this fate instead, I'm having trouble embracing it as a triumphant end. I wish I could explain it better. I've been soul-searching all week trying to figure it all out. But it just makes me sad at the end of the day. 

Last of all, but it must be said: Sharon Carter deserved better than this. Listen, I remain the first to eviscerate that weird romantic curveball in Civil War. It was a hot mess. But the same damn writers who wrote Endgame wrote that romance too, and they don't get to nope out of their own mistakes. Listen, I'm a fan of acknowledging when something didn't work! I am very pro how the Russos handled the failure of Bruce/Nat! But the thing I liked so much is that they breezed past it, but still allowed it to have been a thing that happened. That significant look in Infinity War was literally all I needed. That was a 'we know this was a misstep and we're calling the loss, but it still did happen and we can't ignore that completely, so we're allowing a diegetic reference to it and then closing the book on that.' Perfect! All I ever needed! Steve/Sharon as it was handled was thoroughly a mistake and absolutely should have been backtracked. But it definitely feels a little gross for Steve and Sharon to kiss and then for Sharon to never be seen or mentioned again. Not even once. All it needed was some side-reference in Infinity War about how Steve's life on the run had been too much to manage between them. That's it! Call it a loss and be done with it! But to completely cut Sharon out of everything just to gloss over the narrative stumble and smooth the way for Steve to get back with her aunt? Yikes. And I say this as someone who has absolutely zero attachment to Steve/Sharon. I appreciate that they didn't double down on that. But snapping Sharon out of existence from the entire MCU was a cowardly way to do it, and I judge them for it. 

Two final petty things: 

I am a little salty about them using "It's Been A Long Time" as the final song, which I understand is a bit irrational. The only reason I know that song is because of Winter Soldier, but man, it's always been a Steve/Bucky song. And I guess the Russos didn't see it that way, and hey, Winter Soldier is their movie, but it only makes sense if it's about Bucky, because in Winter Soldier, Steve has been hanging out with Peggy for a couple of years now, and the song takes place just before Bucky shows up. I know, I know. Shipper goggles are powerful. But I also know how to close-read a film, so. My perspective is probably skewed, but it's also not wrong. 

During that ending, I so, so hoped the Russos would just leave it up to interpretation. When Sam asks about the ring and Steve elects not to tell him about it, I sent a prayer up hoping that the movie would cut off at that. Of course it didn't, for fan service and heterosexual romance reasons, but I really wish it did, because of this: 95% of people would have understood that the ending was exactly what it turned out to be. But for the other 5% of us? For god's sake, dudes, give us that sliver of wiggle room. Let us headcanon what we wanna headcanon. I've always wished this, even for fandoms that I'm not in - fans are great at running with things if you just give them the slightest bit of room. Just let them have it. I've always thought that J.K. Rowling put "19 Years Later" into Harry Potter precisely so that people couldn't do this and they'd have to accept her version of the future, and frankly, I think it's why people have always hated that epilogue, even casual fans. Let us imagine the future. Give us hints, do whatever, but throw a bone to the fandoms out there and let us have some fun. I mean, yeah, we can still headcanon elements of that ending (and we certainly will), but it's still disappointing. Unsurprising, but disappointing. 

Time Travel Doesn’t Work

It just doesn’t, guys. Every movie that takes it on thinks it’s different. They’re all convinced that they have the solution. And they never do. It always, always breaks down. And yeah, that sucks! Time travel is super fun! But it just doesn’t hold up, and I’m tired of movies telling me they’ve cracked the code when they just haven’t. 

I really don't understand why they thought one throwaway line from Brulk was going to satisfy all the issues with time travel. I appreciated that Rhodey and Scott brought up all the other time travel movies that thought they had it down, but Brulk's brush-off was nonsensical. Yeah, if you go into the past, that becomes your future. Everyone gets that. But that doesn't protect the rest of it. Steve can go back in time and live out his future in another period. I 100% get that. But everyone he talks to - their paths will all change because they met him. Events will alter, timelines will branch off. It's a mess. Don't talk down to us like we just don't understand how it works. We understand that it doesn't work. Fuck off, Brulk.

I briefly thought they had a pretty good thing going, though, when they came up with the plan of returning the stones to the exact moments they took them. Honestly? That would have worked. That time travel storyline would have been clean and logical. They were almost there! But then they had to go and have Thanos and crew come to the present from 2014. And then it all breaks down. I don't get it! Are we just branching off another timeline, but in the original timeline, the world is still terrible? I like the twist that we get Gamora back through 2014 version showing up just cause I love Gamora, but it simply doesn't make sense. Ugh, the more I think about it, the less it makes sense. I similarly love Loki grabbing the Tesseract and bouncing because a) it's a very Loki thing to do and b) it gives us a vague but real chance of seeing him again. But it also doesn't work! If Thor doesn't bring Loki back to Asgard, all of Thor: The Dark World doesn't happen, which means present day Thor can't get the Aether, etc. etc., and fuck, is anyone else's mind spinning? Say it with me: TIME TRAVEL DOESN'T WORK. It's just exhausting. But they were there! They were almost there, to a place where it could have worked! We were so close! Oy. 

A Confession

Alright, I have to admit it. I was wrong about how much this movie would center on Steve and Tony’s relationship. I’m very glad I was wrong. I am pleased that the writers understood that there were more important relationships to focus on. There was still a healthy dose of Steve/Tony thrown at us, but it didn't supplant too much. So, I’ll allow that I was more worried than I needed to be (about that, at least). I’ll give you guys that, Russos and co. 

Final Thoughts

This has taken me so long and gotten so thoroughly out of control that I'm certain there were big things I was planning on talking about that I'm just totally forgetting now. But I just need to be done with this thing. I'm sure I'll write a lot more about this movie over the coming months, but for now, here are just a few more things.

SAM!CAP!!!!!!!!! It could only be this way. But I'm so, so happy that the MCU acknowledged it. I have always, always said that it needed to be Sam. That Sam was the only one who made sense, the only one who was really capable of taking up that mantle. But I still thought Bucky was the frontrunner because he's a fan-favourite pretty white boy, and you can never discount the odds in favor of that. But they did the right thing! I'm so glad. All hail Sam!Cap. 

Thor becoming one of the Guardians of the Galaxy was legit the only thing they could have done to make me interested in seeing another Guardians movie if Gamora isn't in it, so damn them. Damn them for hooking me when I thought I could get free. Fucking genius move, that. Presuming, of course, that Thor is actually going to be in the next one. If he isn't, I riot. MORE THOR ALL THE TIME. 

So where do we go from here? I assume there are going to be more Avengers movies, but how and when? Are we going to establish a new core team? Do we really need a team when Carol's around? It'll certainly be interesting. I don't know how long the MCU is going to be able to sustain all this, but man, as someone who takes an interest this kind of stuff, it sure is fascinating. 

Ok, so this whole post got super embarrassing. I set out to write a series of bullet points and instead ended up with a 10-page essay. It's truly unreadable, and I know that. I tried super hard to make the format bearable on tumblr, but such a thing is obviously impossible, so instead it's this. I genuinely expect no one to have gotten through all of this, but hopefully some of you have found bits and pieces that interested you, because I'd absolutely love to talk more about this movie. I've been stewing in my own thoughts all week, and I want to bring in other perspectives. So come join me in over-analytical hell! 

[cinderellaahhh]

FIND TEAM NAMES

MENU

🏐🏐🏐🏐Funny Volleyball Team Names

1. Hit For Brains – Definitely not the smartest team out there.

2. Size Matters – Only if you’re short... or small, even.

3. Beavis and Bumphead – After Beavis and Butthead.

4. Ball Busters – The ball won’t be the same shape after playing this team.

5. Phantom Balls – Now you see them, now you don’t.

6. Setsaholics Anonymous – They’re going to sets you up.

7. Block Magic – After the South Park episode Cock Magic.

8. ACME Roofing – There won’t be a roof for long when you play this team.

9. Balls In Your Face – That’s got to be painful.

10. Safe Sets – How sets should be.

11. Practice Safe Sets – Practice every

day.

12. Where’s My Beaches At? – At the

beach?

13. How I Set Your Mother – Do tell.

14. The Dirty Half Dozen – Nice and filthy.

15. Hit Head – Why score points when you

can reduce your rivals’ brain cells?

16. Sand Eaters – They have a habit of

falling over.

17. Donald Bump – Bumping away

ignorantly of the rest of the world.

18. Nine Inch Males – So small?

19. Heads In The Sand – Stay away from

danger!

20. Good Volley Ms. Molly – Why thank

you!

21. Clever Beaches – Get ready to be

outsmarted.

22. Sand In The Vaseline – I’m sure

they’re having a great time at the

beach.

23. The Fighting Amish – Playing the old-

fashioned way.

24. Ball Bangers – Hitting balls a little too

hard.

25. Bros And Hoes – For a mixed team.

26. Public Sets Offenders – They’re not

allowed near certain places.

27. The Blair Hits Project – Getting

beaten by them is like a horror movie.

28. Ball Whisperers – They’ll get that ball

to go anywhere they want.

29. Setsy Time – After Borat’s

catchphrase.

30. Natural Disasters – It’s totally normal

for this team to lose.

31. Kinky Sets – The best kind of sets.

32. Men In Speedos – They make

everyone at the beach feel awkward.

33. Net Servers – For a techie crowd.

34. Touch And Go – Win some, lose some.

35. Caution! Low Roof! – About to leap

into space!

36. Wild Sets – These guys are passionate

about sets.

37. This Won’t Take Long – Beating their

rivals in seconds... or are they the ones

who get beaten?

38. The Joy Of Sets – Gotta love good

sets.

39. Set ‘Em Hussein – After Saddam

Hussein.

40. Spike Me Hard, Baby – It’s the only

way it should be done.

41. Setting Ducks – They have no idea

what they’re doing here.

42. Will Work For Sets – Nothing wrong

with that.

43. We Need Sets – We all do!

44. Hits Don’t Lie – After My Hips Don’t

Lie by Shakira.

45. Kiss My Ace – With pleasure.

46. Thongs And Dongs – Another perfect

name for a mixed team.

47. All Net – A team with no chance of

scoring.

48. The Blazing Sunburns – You’ll spot

this team a mile away.

49. Team Ibuprofen – They may be a little

sickly.

50. A Case Of The Hits – The only illness

that’s guaranteed to help you win.

51. Chicks With Digs – Why can’t chicks

have digs?

52. Trump’s Wall – Non–existent then?

53. Sonova Beach – Say it fast...

54. Sets With A Stranger – Players, 100%.

55. I’ve Seen Better Digging In A

Graveyard – Ouch!

56. Sand Castles – They might get a little

distracted.

57. We Showed Up – To what? To lose?

58. Chewblocka – After Chewbacca from

Star Wars.

59. Itsy Bitsy Spikers – Too cute to be

taken seriously.

60. Drunk, Stupid and Clumsy – And

honest.

61. Spiky Nips – For a girls’ team that’s got

that perfect spike.

62. Full Of Hits – They talk a lot of crap.

63. The Powerpuff Girls – Great for a girl

team made of three.

64. Setsy And We Know It – And so does

everyone else.

65. Unprotected Sets – Not advisable.

66. Big Swinging Ds And Ts – Another

name for a mixed team.

67. Go Sets Yourself – Just not on the

beach.

68. Johan Sebastian Block – Composing

a win!

69. Scared Hitless – Is what the other

team will be!

70. Death Volley – Wordplay on Death

Valley.

71. Hit And Miss – Haven’t quite got the

hang of this game yet have you guys?

72. 2 Legit 2 Hit – Well at least you have a

reason...

73. One Hit Wonders – Will score and it

will be amazing, but only once.

74. We Like Big Balls – Big balls are more

fun.

75. You’ve Been Served – Will be in court

right after this game.

76. We Dig 4-Play – Looking for another

team that also enjoys a bit of 4-play.

77. Vertically Challenged – For a team of

shorties.

78. Salad Tossers – Good at throwing

things around.

79. Sand Slingers – Why play fairly and

lose when you could play dirty and win?

80. Not In The Face! – These team will

definitely get hit hard in the face.

81. Setsy Ladies – All the guys on the

beach are looking at them.

82. Bumping Uglies – Not the most

handsome team in the world.

83. Interracial Sets – For a team made up

of people of different racial

backgrounds.

84. Here For The Exercise – Not the most

athletic team.

85. That’s What She Sets – Wordplay on

the phrase ‘that’s what she said’.

86. Smack Your Balls – Painful.

87. Butt Sets – Kinky.

88. If Pigs Could Fly – A team of fat guys

who can jump amazingly high for their

size.

89. Wild Wings – Wordplay on the song

Wild Thing by The Troggs.

90. Sets On The Beach – A dream come

true.

91. Sloppy Sets – They need a bit of

practice.

92. Just The Tip – They’re gentle.

93. Ain’t That A Beach – It certainly is.

94. Six Packs – Great stomachs or a pack

of six beers?

95. Court Jesters – More interested in

making the audience laugh than

winning.

96. Couch Potatoes – They really get this

much exercise.

97. Sets Pistols – After the band The Sex

Pistols.

98. We’re All HIV Positive – And proud.

99. Blue Balls – You guys all need to get to

a doctor immediately.

100. Red Hot Silly Peppers – Another

bunch of comedians.

Cool Volleyball Team Names

A cool team deserves a cool name, the following are cool volleyball team names you can call your team.

101. The Tidal Waves – Invading the entire beach.

102. SWAT Team – Swatting that ball out of the way.

103. Score More – Than the other team.

104. Mission Unblockable – No ball gets

past them.

105. Cobra Kai – After the martial arts team

in The Karate Kid.

106. Atomic Block – Blasting that ball away!

107. Shaken, Not Stirred – Just like 007.

108. We Always Get Up – When this team

gets knocked down, they’re quick to get

back on their feet.

109. Big Digs And Hot Passes – You know

what to expect.

110. Arm And Hammer – For a tough team.

111. In Your Face – Winning and damn proud.

112. Bump It Up – That ball will never touch the ground.

113. Net Domination – The other team will never even get it past the net.

114. Soaring At The Net – Where they play best.

115. Air Force One – After the US presidents private jet.

116. In Motion – They can’t stop moving.

117. On Your Knees – The other team will

be...

118. That Hurt? – It probably did if it came

from this team.

119. Spin Doctors – They always think

they’re winning, even when they’re not.

120. On Fire – Just unstoppable.

121. Spider Chicks – They can reach

anything.

122. Net Results – Scoring at the net.

123. Killer Serves – The other team will be

flabbergasted.

124. Sabretooth Spikers – Aggressive

spikes, to say the least.

125. Pure Energy – The other team won’t

know where you get it from.

126. Attack Pack – They play like animals.

127. Hanging Loose – The most relaxed

volleyball team you’ll ever meet.

128. Prime Time Players – A team that’s

playing in its prime.

129. Gung-Ho – Ready for just about

anything.

130. Block Or Bleed – The other team will

be too afraid to do anything.

131. Bump, Set, Dismember – After they

beat you, they’ll cut you up.

132. Hit Me – If you dare.

133. Lightning Strike – When they hit that

ball they light up the sky.

134. Planet Volleywood – So good they

should be famous.

135. It’s Gotta Be Da Shoes – Nope, they

just play amazingly.

136. Now Serving – So get ready to lose.

137. Bumping Maniacs – Addicted to

bumping.

138. Elite Volleyball – The absolute best.

139. Set To Kill – The other team.

140. Sonic Boom – You can hear them

hitting that ball from space.

141. I’d Hit That – You really should.

142. Death At The Net – There isn’t a worse

way to die.

143. The Wall – No balls get past them.

144. Volley Girls – Girls who own this game.

145. The Lost Boys – Unruly savages.

146. Extreme Volleyball – Volleyball isn’t

supposed to be a leisurely sport, it

should be hardcore.

147. EZ Pass – Making the other team look

like amateurs.

148. That’s Some Serve – You bet it is!

149. Sand People – After the fictional

characters in Star Wars.

150. Hit-men – Hired to assassinate the

other team.

151. See Ya – Wouldn’t wanna be ya!

152. Block You Like A Hurricane – After

the song “Rock You like a Hurricane” by

The Scorpions.

153. Game On – Yeah, winning is great, but

these guys just love playing.

154. Court Hogs – Loving the game so

much, they won’t let anyone else on the

court.

155. Volley Vipers – They’ve got a bite

that’ll kill.

156. High–Performance Volleyball – Don’t

even think about playing this team

unless you’re in the same league.

157. Air Traffic Control – Spectators can be

forgiven for thinking that ball was a

plane.

158. Speedy Spikers – Fast and very spiky.

159. Flight Fight – Known to hit balls in mid-

air.

160. Team World Class – Should really be

playing in the Olympics.

161. Net Ninjas – Assassinating that ball

whenever it gets to the net.

162. Net Assets – They’re owning the

game.

163. White Lightning – Striking out the

other team.

164. The Challengers – They make the

other team want to play better.

165. Volleyball Above All – It is a way of

life.

166. All Set At The Net – Can’t pass this

defense.

167. It’s A Hard Bump Life – It is.

168. The WildCats – The most vicious team

you’ll play against.

169. Vision Quest – Playing to reach a

higher power.

170. Monster Spikes – Those are some mean spikes

#volleyball

[caileysmemes-blog]

WAR PAINT (act 2) SENTENCES

LONG POST WARNING

Inside Of The Jar:

‘ See, I told you so! ‘ ‘ They betrayed us. ‘ ‘ Well they say that a book can’t be judged by its cover. ‘ ‘ How it stings! How it seers! ‘ ‘ How they used us, abused us for years. ‘

Necessity is the Mother of Invention:

‘ Necessity is the mother of invention! ‘ ‘ I will think of new things to invent. ‘ ‘ And in war we must be on our toes. ‘ ‘ Before I call it quits, I’ll give ‘em my two bits! ‘ ‘ What more have I ever needed than the sharpness of my wits? ‘ ‘ Let the fight of the century begin! ‘ ‘ I truly felt impassioned. ‘ ‘ Women win. ‘

Best Face Forward (Reprise):

‘ I am putting my best face forward. ‘ ‘ Beg your pardon? ‘ ‘ What we do to be loved and adored! ‘

Now You Know:

‘ Now I hope you know how it feels to find yourself outside. ‘ ‘ Live and learn. ‘ ‘ Now enjoy your turn. ‘ ‘ For now you know how far from one of them you are. ‘ ‘ And now I know how much it wounds your pride. ‘ ‘ You may be fairer than me. ‘ ‘ But socially they value you no fonder than me. ‘ ‘ ... right? ‘ ‘ Not that this brings us closer than it ever did. ‘ ‘ Not that I feel some kinship that I never did. ‘ ‘ And oh what gates of hell they put her through! ‘ ‘ So now you know, the way it twists a knife in you. ‘

No Thank You:

‘ You’ve got to be in it to win it. ‘ ‘ No thank you, indeed! ‘ ‘ What has become of taste, elegance, and class? ‘ ‘ Beauty comes at great expense. ‘ ‘ Guess what else they’ll need? ‘ ‘ I blame corporate greed! ‘ ‘ Pushing prepubescents into early adolescence, where do such things lead? ‘ ‘ Where do such things lead? Marijuana weed. ‘ ‘ An unlikely, yet intriguing opportunity... ‘ ‘ I have nothing but respect for you. ‘ ‘ I insist, it’s sapphire like her eyes. ‘ ‘ You’re gonna regret it. ‘ ‘ You really don’t get it. ‘

Fire and Ice:

‘ Do you close your eyes when you’re kissed? ‘ ‘ Would you wear a sheet and nothing beneath, without thinking twice? ‘ ‘ Do you like to dance with your heels off? ‘ ‘ Cheap makeup makes whores out of all girls! ‘ ‘ Oh darling, if only she’d listen to me! ‘ ‘ You put the fire with the ice, what do you have? A puddle. ‘ ‘ This is so exciting? ‘ ‘ That’s what I said, right? ‘ ‘ Do you like to play down and dirty like the big boys can? ‘ ‘ Now you know the secret. ‘

Dinosaurs:

‘ You now the opposite of survival? Extinction. ‘ ‘ Boom, crash! Hear that fearsome sound? ‘ ‘ Ruthless but as toothless as their roars. ‘ ‘ Love ‘em, loathe ‘em. ‘ ‘ Look at us... ‘

Pink:

‘ Is that all I’m worth to them? ‘ ‘ Is that my only claim to fame? ‘ ‘ Just... pink. ‘ ‘ Could anyone have known how far I’d climb? ‘ ‘ In years to come I wonder how they’ll picture me? ‘ ‘ A legend? Or some aging erstwhile juvenile? ‘ ‘ The only shred of me they want. ‘ ‘ My one accomplishment to last when I put out to pasture. ‘ ‘ Pink! Always pink... ‘ ‘ My shoes, my furniture, my clothes... my life la vie en rose. ‘ ‘ Oh pink, the glint of sunrise on a frozen pond. The glow of twilight through the dark beyond. ‘ ‘ All for a document to sign in pink ink. ‘ ‘ Well, I never even liked the color. ‘

Forever Beautiful:

‘ These portraits they trap me in amber. ‘ ‘ They will live forever. ‘ ‘ In my small way, I do know something of this too. ‘ ‘ But in a painting, it is always your prime. ‘ ‘ She was bisexual. ‘ ‘ You see her love for me? Well, it’s sub-textual. ‘ ‘ I admit I am a little bit afraid to meet death. ‘ ‘ When I depart I’ll cheat death. ‘ ‘ I said to hell with fate, I’ll mold my destiny. ‘ ‘ I only know there must be something more. ‘ ‘ Who gives a damn! ‘ ‘ When you feel beautiful, you are. ‘

Beauty In The World:

‘ Nobody else remembers, do they? ‘ ‘ Remembers what? ‘ ‘ Eyes that glittered like a gem. ‘ ‘ Back then when there was beauty in the world... ‘ ‘ Gone the past. ‘ ‘ So tell me, you think it’s good? ‘ ‘ You’re asking me? ‘ ‘ I want a useful opinion, who else am I to ask? ‘ ‘ Hold still. ‘ ‘ We might’ve ruled the world. ‘ ‘ Now we stand among the many grains of sand. ‘ ‘ Strange with you, I see it all again like new. ‘ ‘ I never dreamed we would be standing here so near the end. ‘ ‘ Perhaps we helped each other to survive. ‘

Finale:

‘ Perhaps they will forgive us. ‘ ‘ Dangerous to tinker with success. ‘ ‘ Impolitic to enter arm and arm through the same door? ‘ ‘ You go your way, I go mine. ‘ ‘ It never happened, our secret. ‘