#but I do think Lexa would do everything in her power to make sure Abby was ok for the rest of her years

[butmakeitgayblog]

No I *do* think Lexa would've become a shell of herself if Clarke had died. I think that would've changed her in a way that there was no coming back from.

Lexa, at her core, is an extremely tender soul. I remember someone once asked me for clexa who would be the puppy and their black cat girlfriend, and I thoroughly stand behind my answer that in fact Lexa is the puppy. She is tough and hardened in spite of her softness. Indra claimed that Lexa was a good Heda because she was calculating, and while that is true, I argue a large part of why she was such a good and revolutionary Heda was because of just how much she cared.

She cared about her people. She cared about their safety and their happiness, and she took on the mantle of having to make the tough calls and set aside her own emotions to push forward to what ultimately get them to a place where they could enjoy life. "Concede a battle to win the war," "Victory stands on the back of sacrifice." She was always talking about herself too. She was always willing to be the bad guy and bear their shame and their guilt for the ultimate good of her people.

But if she had lost Clarke that day?

While I do think she would've continued in her agenda for her people, I think in a lot of aspects Lexa rather than Heda would've become unrecognizable to those who knew the girl beneath the crown. Lexa would've shut off for good, just as she had tried so hard in vain to do before. Because she had Costia, her first love. Her last breath of innocence stolen away by the weight of her station.

And then there was Clarke. Her equal in every measure. Someone who Lexa could turn to and know she understood that very same weight. Someone who carried the same blood splatters and jagged pieces of a broken heart, just trying to survive long enough to remember what it felt like to be whole again. Someone who she knew could take care of herself, who she wanted so badly to believe wouldn't be a target specifically because of Lexa, but rather because Clarke was her own force of nature in the world. (Read: A menace)

Clarke was a chance.

She was a chance that maybe, someday, Lexa's feelings wouldn't get someone killed. Maybe Lexa, the real Lexa, could actually be soft with someone, and love them without feeling as though her love was a bounty on their head.

So if Clarke had died, that'd be it. Game over. Never again would Lexa let herself even entertain the idea of caring about someone beyond an abstract want for a good outcome, much less actually allow herself to grow close to them. I see pleasant, but cold. Aloof even beyond her Heda mask, because it wouldn't even be a mask anymore. That would just be her.

Empty.

Still Heda. Still driven by her task. Still moving and fighting for the goals she (and Clarke, always Clarke) had yet to achieve.

But empty in her victories.

That little puppy of a woman who fake-limped her way into our lives would've built a wall around her heart so tall and so strong, no one would ever find a way in again.

And I think she would've been perfectly happy with that, because she's had innocent love, and she's had the soul calming, feeling like you can finally breathe again simply because they're in the same room kind of love. And with someone like Lexa, I don't think she'd have any interest in trying to find anything else.

Hi )

I read your takes on Clexa and I am fangirling at how accurate I think they are. So I would really like to hear your thoughts on something, if you don't mins.

Imagine if accursed 307 went a little bit different at the end and Titus' aim was a bit surer and he got his target. So Lexa heard a commotion and went to investigate, she opens doors only to see Clarke's shocked face. Followed by Clarke's limp body fall into her arms. There is a lot of blood, Clarke is unresponsive and there is Titus, 10 feet away with a smoking gun.

What would be Lexa thoughts, emotions?

What will she do next, considering current political situation?

What do you think she will be doing if the wound is fatal?

Oof

Well 1. Thank you 🥹

And 2.

I think Lexa's initial reaction would've been complete shock and terror. That's what it was when she heard the shots from her room and you know that because rather than reaching for a weapon or armor or calling for her guard, she disregarded all of her training and all of her knowledge of power, and simply had to get to Clarke as fast as possible.

Heart pounding, terror stricken, she just had to get to Clarke.

And I don't think her initial reaction would've been any different if she had stumbled upon a wounded Clarke in thah room.

But that only would've been an instantaneous response that was then shed away, because she is so used to reacting on her feet. The gunshots posed an unknown threat, so admittedly it got the best of her (actually shitty writing got the best of her because she absolutely would not have done that but hahahhaha anyway 😒). But blood? Pain? She knows those intimately. She knows what to do with that. She's been in innumerable battles and delt with injuries and gore and so on from such a young age, and everything we ever saw of her showed that even when she was startled, her brain was always going at the speed of lightning. While everyone around her is still accessing a situation, she's already taken it all in and is mentally 10 miles down the road in terms of what she's going to do.

With that in mind, I think Lexa's next reaction would be to tend to Clarke, plain and simple. It would've been the instinctual thing she did - reach for her, run to her, scoop her up and be there to comfort just as she always did whenever she felt Clarke needed her. She would've shouted not only for Titus to get a healer, but also she probably would've bellowed for anyone within earshot to find a healer while she herself administered first aid (ya know more than just pouring water on it dO YOU HEAR ME TALKING CLARKE DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME)

*deep breath*

..... Anyway....

Emotionally speaking?

I think it would've probably been the most terror stricken she's ever felt in her life.

Because she can accept her own death. In fact has accepted the reality of it since she was first called. She has overcome the loss of her people, the potential loss of her power. Lost her own innocence and her first love. Has overcome the pain of having to take the life of her most trusted ally by her own hand and pretend it didn't bother her at all.

But I think the chaos of that moment would've kind of snapped everything into focus. Because while it's one thing to accept the danger in the abstract idea of sending Clarke back to Arkadia with a sweet kiss on her lips and a prayer that she'll be ok so that one day they'll meet again, it's another horror entirely feeling the warm finality of her death seeping out of a bullet wound and onto her hands.

Losing another lover? One she loves deeper than she ever thought possible? Her equal in every regard?

I just think she would have felt the most scared she'd ever been in her life. The most desperate. The most powerless...

As for what she'd do next, I don't think whether Clarke lived or died would've changed anything in respect to Titus.

I think she would've killed him.

Whether in that room or in a public execution, either way he would've died by her hand for personal reasons and political reasons, and I think rightfully so on both accounts, because consider how it would make her look in the eyes of her people.

He not only directly disobeyed her orders and went rogue with his own plans, he made an attempt on a clan ambassador's life without order or tangible justification. Lexa had not only publicly vowed that Clarke would be under her protection while in Polis, but she gave orders that they had until sundown to be back at Arkadia.

And he just said fuck it, fuck you, Imma do what I want.

In him doing that, he would've made Lexa not only look weak, but also look as though she wasn't even in control of her own direct subordinates. If someone as heralded and protected and trusted by the throne as the Fleimkepa can get away with subverting Lexa's rule... why should anyone else bother listening to her? Why shouldn't anyone else make attempts on any life they so wish? He would have effectively undermined every single thing she and her unified rule over the coalition stood for.

And on top of everything, Clarke is not just anyone.

She is Wanheda.

If Clarke died and Lexa didn't kill Titus, then that would indicate that Titus now has power over death. That coupled with him blatantly usurping Lexa's command? Uhhhhh. No. Can't let that stand. Not for a single second.

If Clarke lived and she didn't kill Titus, then that would indicate that anything Lexa says is free for challenge because she obviously does not follow through with consequences for direct crimes. Clarke's life is now even more free for the taking to any who should be so bold. The kongeda means nothing because Lexa's power is no longer absolute. Obviously, she can't let that stand either.

So really that bald bitch signed his own death warrant the second he picked up that gun, no matter the outcome. But also, no matter the outcome, for every bit he spewed his bullshit about Clarke weakening Heda, those actions alone would've severely hurt her image on the political stage regardless of the fine details.

Because now she's open to even more murmurings of deferential treatment to Clarke, specifically, but also to the Skaikru as a whole by sheer association. Her allegiance to the coalition vs Clarke and Co. would be questioned and antagonized and tested at every turn (more than it already was.)

Inevitably it all would've been a clusterfuck, and civil war on Lexa and the coalition would've become inevitable I think.

And frankly????

That would've been A Lot more interesting to watch than the slop that they gave us 🙄

[topazy]

The Fierce And Broken

2.07

Masterlist

“She’s going to break your heart.” You shoved Murphy playfully, as he continued to tease you. “I’m telling you, this could be the thing that pushes you over the edge.”

“The only thing that will push me over the edge is you John,” you quipped back.

“Raven hates me.”

You couldn’t argue with him. “Well...she has her reasons, but I’ll work on it.”Murphy let out a snorting sound. “Just give it some time, I at least want you to be civil.”

“You know you’d rather spend your time getting into trouble with me, than being bossed around by Jackson all day.”

You chuckled at his comment. Murphy was right, you had now become Jackson’s go to girl which didn’t bother you so much, but knowing you’d need to spend so much time with Abby was another issue.

“I’m never bored,” you shrugged.

A few hours prior you were surprised to see Major Byrne being brought into medical care because he had been punched in the face, but what surprised you more was finding out it was Raven that had hit him.

“Life down here is never going to be boring.”

He had a point. Lexa wanted Finn, and the grounders could attack at any moment. The mountain men still had the rest of your people, and Lincoln still had to be handcuffed like a criminal in case he turned back into a reaper. The chanting of ‘Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun!’ Seemed to be getting louder as well.

“One life for all of us...”

You stared at your friend wide-eyed. “John,” you said in a hushed whisper. “We can’t have this conversation.”

So much for getting Raven to like him.

“I know you are thinking the same as me Alba, you're just too afraid to admit it.” You pouted at his comment. “Does she make you happy?”

“She does,” Murphy tutted, causing you to smile. “What’s wrong with that?”

You knew from the mischievous look on his face, Murphy was still teasing you. “Nothing makes you happier than being back home in the ark.”

“Whatever,” you shook your head when you noticed Jackson waving you over. “I need to go, I’ll catch up with you later.”

—

“Hey, what’s going on?” You asked confused.

Raven looked furious as she walked besides Bellamy towards the ark station. She paused briefly to link her hand with yours, taking the hint you walked beside her.

Raven scoffed, “Jaha and Kane are back.”

Oh, this wasn’t going to be good.

“They are having some bullshit meeting that none of us can attend.” Raven continued ranting until you reached the door to the council meeting room. “Can anybody hear anything?”

You and Bellamy both shook your heads. Bellamy gave you a small smile when he noticed you and Raven holding hands. You’d never talked about how open you’d be about your relationship, but right now Raven needed you and that’s all that mattered.

You jumped back slightly when Abby opened the door. She looked just as taken aback to see three faces staring at her. Raven was quick to say what everyone was thinking, “What’s happening?”

“You were in there a long time,” Bellamy added.

Abby looked as if she was thinking up a new lie to tell. “There was a lot to talk about.”

“Well, what’s going on?” Raven asked, the irritation in her voice becoming more obvious.

“There was a lot to talk about.”

You frowned at the doctor repeating herself. She wasn’t prepared to give any of you real information. “We aren’t letting Lexa take him.”

Bellamy nodded in agreement. “Alba’s right, we are not turning him over to the Grounders.”

“If you give Finn over now the commander will know the power she has over us,” Abby glared at you as you continued to talk. “What happens when she wants somebody else to pay? What if it was Clarke’s blood she wanted?”

“Enough. Step aside now,” Abby said in a warning tone. “We’re all trying to find a way out of this.”

You stood in silence until all the council members were a good distance away. Bellamy let out a deep sigh, “they’re gonna give him up.”

Raven shook her head and began mumbling before walking towards the exit. “They can’t, we can’t turn on each other.”

You stayed back sensing Bellamy wanted to talk to you alone, and you were right. He leaned in closer to you, “do you still have your dad's gun?”

“Yeah?”

“Keep it close, I have a feeling we might need it.”

—

Gulping down you pushed the flaps to your tent open to see Raven rummaging around her bag for something.

“Fuck!” She hissed.

You moved fast to her side as she winced in pain. It’s fine she sighed, revealing the small drop of blood coming from her finger. “It’s just a paper cut.”

You held her gaze, “how are you holding up?”

“I’m not.”

At least she was honest. Raven was one of the strongest people you knew, and it was hard to watch her struggle. You sat down on the edge of the makeshift bed, and Raven did the same a few seconds later. “I just wish things were different, you know?”

You smiled softly, “things will work themselves out.”

You felt yourself melting into the touch of Raven’s hand as she brushed strands of hair behind your ear. Without warning her lips were pressed against your own. It was a soft and gentle kiss.

Leaning back you chuckled, “I almost forgot what I came to tell you. There’s plenty of bedrooms in the ark available now, we don’t need to stay out here in a tent anymore.”

“Is this just Jackson’s ploy to have you within shouting distance during the night?” She laughed.

“Most likely, but it will be so much more comfortable.” Standing up you noticed Raven’s finger still bleeding. “You sure you don’t want me to look at that? It’s maybe deeper than it looks.”

“It’s just blood they want.”

You kissed Raven on the crown of her head before adding another layer of clothing to your outfit. A longer top that would cover your waistline and hide your gun.

“Whatever happens Reyes, I’ll always have your back.”

“Likewise.”

—

Standing outside the drop ship you couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Somehow you, Raven, and Bellamy had managed to sneak away without getting noticed, but you had a feeling that wouldn’t last long.

You had your gun at the ready hearing somebody entering the drop ship. You stood confused upon seeing who it was. “John?”

“Ooh, hey, hey, hey.” He held his hands up defensively.

“Murphy. What are you doing here?” Bellamy asked.

Murphy looked at you, as he shrugged. “I was invited.”

“I thought we could use an extra gun.” Raven turned to look out the doorway. “Finn should've been right behind you.”

“Don’t worry. The spacewalker is gonna be fine.” Murphy said before coming and standing beside you. “Why do you look so surprised to see me?”

“I didn’t know you were coming, that’s all.”

Murphy frowned. “I assumed I was only asked because you’d told me and Raven to play nice.”

“We’ve had bigger things to worry about, I’ve not said anything.”

Something in the way Raven was looking at Murphy made your stomach tighten into a knot. It wasn’t the normal friendly Raven Reyes smile you would get, she was sending him a death glare.

“I’m going to take a look outside.” As you reached the doorway you noticed Finn carrying Clarke. “Somebody find me a rag, or a cloth!”

You ran beside Finn to inspect the bleeding wound on Clarke’s head. Bellamy quickly moved to be beside her once Finn got her inside. “What happened?”

“A Grounder hit her on the head.” Finn’s voice broke as he spoke, you couldn’t imagine the guilt he must be feeling.

“Clarke, can you hear me? You're gonna be fine.” You pressed the rag to her wound, and felt relieved to see the bleeding was stopping. “You just need to rest for a bit, okay.”

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Raven and Finn talking. It was odd to you that she didn’t seem overly concerned about Clarke. You couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. “Hey. It's just a bump on the head. Clarke’s gonna be ok. Are you? We'll figure this out.”

Finn shook his head. “That’s what she said. Right before I almost got her killed.”

—

After a little while Finn began pacing back and forth. “Still nothing?”

You shook your head. Finn groaned into his hands as Raven tried to reassure him. “Just give her a little time.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Finn’s confession made you feel awkward, despite everything going on between you and Raven you still didn’t want to get involved in their past relationship in any way. You’d given anything to have Murphy or Bellamy beside you at the moment.

“I know. Truth is, things change. Maybe that's for the best.”

You hoped that was true. Raven’s ability to forgive, and show kindness to those that hurt her never failed to amaze you.

You focused on Clarke and tried your best to block out the ‘We’ll always be family’ exchange. It was a private moment for the two of them to share. You sighed with relief when Clarke opened her eyes, “take it easy when you sit up.”

“How’s the head?” Finn asked, just Murphy and Bellamy came back into view.

“Awesome,” the blonde mumbled.

Finn kneeled down beside her, “When you went down... I thought you were dead. Because of me.”

You stopped listening to the others talking when you noticed the worried look on Bellamy’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“We got company! Get out here. Get down. Grounders.”

You looked past his shoulder and saw multiple grounders. “We’re surrounded.”

—

“They’re not moving any closer, why?”

Bellamy gulped down before answering. “Staying out of range. Probably waiting until it's dark.”

“If we hit them now, at least we'd take them by surprise.” You didn’t like your friend's suggestion, but you knew Murphy had a point.

“We don't even know how many of them are out there,” Clarke said coldly.

Murphy shook his head before scoffing. “I’m not hearing any better ideas, Clarke.”

“We’ll give them something.”

The moment the words came from Raven mouth you instantly stepped closer to Murphy. “The only thing they want is Finn.”

“Finn wasn't the only one at the village.”

You now stood in-between Murphy and everybody else. “Don’t even think about it!” You seethed. How could she even be considering this? “Don’t take another step closer to him.”

Raven looked visibly hurt but still continued, “Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They’d believe he was the shooter.”

Murphy hissed from behind you, “sick bitch.”

Both Bellamy and Clarke tried to talk some sense into her, but she refused to listen. “They want a murderer, we'll give them one.” Raven raised her gun and pointed it in your direction. “Put your weapon down.”

Clarke tried again to talk her down. “Put it down, Raven. Like it or not, he's one of us.”

Brown eyes stared into yours, “Alba move out the way.”

“No, I’m not moving so you’d need to shoot me too.”

“Alba, just move!” Raven pleaded.

Your chest ached with a pain you hadn’t felt before. Raven meant a lot to you, but Murphy was your best friend. Her doing this to him felt like a betrayal. You also found it hard to believe she was still pointing the gun in your direction.

“Raven...this isn’t you. Just lower the gun.”

Finn snatched the gun from her hand. “Stop! Stop! We're not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay. And defend this place.” He turned to face the rest of the group. “Murphy, go upstairs. Watch the rear. I'll take the lower level. You four, take the front gate. That’s the plan. All right?”

“I’m going with John.”

Once you reached the top of the drop-ship Murphy squeezed your shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

“It’s not me she wanted to hand over to grounders,” you shrugged. “I’m sorry John, I had no idea-”

“It’s not your fault Al, and as much as I hate her right now, I know she wouldn’t have hurt you.”

You said nothing. Deep down you knew Raven was acting out of love for Finn, he was her family. The only friend she had from the ark. What bothered you the most was that you understood why she did it. The impulse to protect the ones you love could cause you to do unthinkable things.

“I probably would have done the same for you,” you mumbled before looking out the window again. “Oh shit!”

“What?”

“Finn’s handing himself over to the grounders.”

—

You watched in disgust as grounders set up a post near the gates of camp. You jumped hearing a voice coming from beside you. “What is that?”

“They want us to watch.”

“We’re gonna get him.” Bellamy announced. “We’ll get in close and we'll hit them hard.”

You shared a knowing look with Clarke, both of you knew that was impossible. The only thing you could do was hope his death was quick.

Kane held onto Bellamy’s shoulder. “Son... there's thousands of them. Even if we could kill hundreds, they'd still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die.”

Clarke stood beside you, “I’m going to talk with the commander.”

“Don’t let him suffer,” you said quietly. “Try and convince her they don’t need to torture him.”

As Clarke explained her plan to the others Raven mumbled an apology to you before returning her attention to the blonde. “Give me your hand.” You watched Raven slide a small knife into her hand. “If she won't let him go, kill her. Things’ll go crazy, and we'll grab you and Finn. Clarke. You have to help him. I owe him my life.”

You silently linked Raven’s fingers with your own, and let her squeeze down tightly. She was afraid. No matter what happened before, and how angry you still were, she was going to need someone.

Minutes felt like hours as you waited for Clarke to emerge from the commander's tent and made her way towards Finn. She can’t save him. You felt Raven tense beside you. You chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for something to happen.

“I’m sorry Al, I’m so sorry.” Raven gasped under her breath as she shook.

You moved your grip to hold onto her tighter, “don’t be.”

Things were about to go from bad to worse real fast. No, no, no. When Clarke leaned in to kiss Finn you realised she was saying goodbye.

When the blonde stepped away from Finn his head fell down into his chest. He was dead. Clarke had killed him. Mercy kill.

You lowered yourself to hold Raven as she collapsed to the ground.

“No! No! No! No! No! No!”

[coeurdastronaute]

Nerd 14

Previously on Nerd

There weren’t many things considered as decorations in the house on the corner of Inglewood Street. The old stone house, with its black shutters and manicured lawn hid behind a stately oak and the polished Porsche in the driveway, glowed as a beacon in the neighborhood, of perfection and wealthy modesty. Inside, it was less populated than one might expect, never fully lived-in, at least not to the casual observer. 

Clarke moved her way down the stairs as she balanced the bag on her shoulder, fully prepared for work and then studying with her girlfriend on a fairly boring Saturday night. For the first time in a long time, she looked at the sparse frames of pictures of her family. 

Unsure of what made her pause, she furrowed, pushing her eyebrows tightly together and leaning into the image of her mother and father on a random date when they were together in college. They were carefree and at some bar trivia night. Abby hugged Jake’s bicep and nearly hid in his shoulder as he leaned forward, other arm lifted to interject an answer. He was smiling wide despite his eagerness, the flash ricocheting off part of his large glasses. His hair was floppy and fully, swept to the side and neatly arranged, while Abby was brimming with life. Clarke loved the candid picture because sometimes she looked at it, and these were two people who had entire lives and experiences and she forgot that. They probably got butterflies like she did when Lexa smiled at her. They probably spent hours excitedly waiting to see the other. 

In that picture, her mother wasn’t the person she was now, though both seemed insanely far away from Clarke. This college-aged person was alive, vibrant, in-love, awake, eager, and not cheating on her husband. The body language alone showed how much she adored him. 

In that picture, her father was the funny, charming man she remembered, not the angry, frustrated man who was skin and bones, who couldn’t eat, who couldn’t swallow, who had difficulties moving most days and remembering his own daughter others. He was alive as well. He was the man everyone wanted to sit beside for some reason, for som inexplicable reason he had this… he had a spark that drew those to him like a moth to a flame, except he was that flame, and he shared his light eagerly with those around him. 

Clarke relaxed her face after a few moments of looking and seeing and trying to find some kind of detail in that picture that would indicate that the couple in it would know what their life would like like two decades later. There wasn’t a single indication, and that terrified her. 

“Did you finish you math?” her mother’s voice called from the hallway, hearing her daughter shift and move to look at the next picture without seeing her first. 

“Yes.” 

The next image was a very tiny Clarke on her father’s shoulders and her mother hugging his waist as they all stood beneath a redwood tree. They had hiking gear, shorts, sunglasses, hats and sunscreen. They were all smiling. They were a family. 

“Did you email me that draft of your personal essay for applications?” 

Clarke gave up perusing, no longer feeling the yearn for that family unit that was far away. She rolled her eyes and stomped her way down the steps to find her mother sorting through envelopes and mail. 

“No.” 

“Why not?” Abby didn’t look up as she flipped.

“Because I’m a junior, and I have five months before applications are due.”

“That’s no excuse not to be prepared. Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time chasing after some gir--”

“Who am I chasing after?” Clarke scoffed, crossing her arms and peering at her mother. “Do you mean helping Lexa on her submission for film school? Do you mean tennis practice? Do you mean working part time? Do you mean having a social life?” 

“Considerate that you can help someone else get into college.” 

“It’s going to take her months to edit, which I can’t-- I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

That did it. Clarke knew it would. Clarke new an overt expression of her own independence would trigger her mother. She knew arguing and not appearing to care about college would give her the satisfaction of a righteous fight. She wanted it. It’d been brewing for about a week and a half, ever since Clarke said she was going prom dress shopping without her. Ever since Clark forgot to tell her about spending the night camping with Lexa and the film crew while the powered through the project. Ever since Clarke didn't’ come home for dinner last Tuesday and then raved about Mrs. Woods’ garlic chicken. Tiny things Clarke did with spite because she didn’t know what else to do, because she couldn’t do anything else. 

Abby’s nostrils flared and Clarke jutted her hip, shrugging to herself as she dug for her phone, ready to go to work and escape the house and the persistent smell of medical equipment and cleaner that haunted her until she was about two blocks from the house. 

“I’ll be home around midnight.” 

“Like hell you will. You’ll be home right after your shift.” 

“No,” Clarke paused as she turned to leave. “I’m going over Lexa’s to study. We’re watching a Cary Grant movie.” 

“You’re under the misconception that you get to make your own schedule and plans without asking permission. But that is not the case, Clarke.” 

“I’ve been doing fine.” 

“You’ve barely been home. Your father is--”

“Right there, in that room, asleep. I know this because I spent the morning with him. We made pancakes and played a game of cribbage. We talked about school and Lexa and I showed him pictures of the past week of my life. And I helped him with his meds because he’s having a bit of a flare. I told him I’d see him in the morning for omelettes because we’ve been watching cooking shows together and he wants to try the french style. I know exactly what is going on with my father.” 

She hadn’t meant to, but her voice began to raise as she spoke. Clarke felt her fist shake. She felt her muscles tighten and her jaw clench. She was okay with being considered lazy and unmotivated, but to be accused of negligence was uncalled for, especially from someone like her mother. 

“Don’t you raise your voice! You are greatly mistaken as to the nature of our relationship. I am your mother, and I am sick of your attitude, and your priorities not being your father and your family or your education.” 

“Lexa has nothing to do with any of that. Are you just mad I’m dating a girl? Or that I don’t care what you think anymore?” 

Slightly taken aback by her daughter, by her words, by her actions, by her entire demeanor over the past few months and frankly just sick of dealing with being the bad guy. 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore,” Abby shook her head. 

“I could say the same thing.” 

The two stared at each other before Clarke shook her head and adjusted her bag. She toyed with her keys in her pockets before checking her phone again. 

“I’m going to be late for work. I’ll be back tonight.” 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Abby insisted again. “You’re grounded indefinitely.” 

“Except I’m not,” Clarke sighed and shook her head. “I’m not because I don’t care anymore. I genuinely don’t.”

“You’re going to. Give me your keys and your phone.” 

“No.” 

“I’m not joking, Clarke. You’re going to need to readjust your priorities and attitude.”

“I think you should take your own advice,” Clarke insisted as she reached the front door. “Or are you too busy fucking Kane to realize that there is no more family here?” 

With a satisfying slam, she yanked the door shut. The anger that was stationed in her shoulders dissipated with the noise and movement. Clarke stood there in the quiet of her perfect neighborhood, the flapping of the flag lazily moving in the spring breeze was all she heard at first. Then the birds came. Then a lawnmower started in the distance. 

Clarke felt lighter than she’d felt in a long time. She also felt emptier than any other time in her life. It was officially the end, and now she had to deal with that because the anger and the hurt and the betrayal was all she’d had in her for what felt like months. It hadn’t made anything better, and it certainly ruined everything, but Clarke took some solace in the fact that now she could try to fill herself up with something else. 

XXXXXXXXXX

The party at Bellamy Blake’s house was in full swing by the time Lexa made her way up the winding driveway and into the belly of the beast. She wasn’t sure how she ended up there exactly, except that her girlfriend texted and said to show up. That seemed to be enough of a reason, though Lexa wasn’t particularly prepared. They’d had plans. Quiet plans. Private plans. Movie plans. 

And now Lexa was going to her girlfriend’s ex’s party. 

She shoved her hands in her pockets as she moved through the crowd, clearly not getting the memo that jeans were not entirely good enough attire, and in fact she seemed to be extremely overdressed. Her eyes bugged slightly as she watched a girl from her physics class walk by in a very tiny, very teeny lime green bikini. Lexa became suddenly aware of the appeal of such things, as if she hadn’t noticed them before, but then MIchelle who sat diagonally in front of her third period looked like that and she gulped. 

The music thumped loudly. The beats were rattling the walls and shaking the windows while the screams and giggles of her classmates sought to shatter glass. It wasn’t like the other parties she’d been to with Clarke. It wasn’t even like thrones Anya dragged her to when she visited. This was a night of debauchery and she hadn’t had time to prepare. 

And as much as she saw everyone else wearing bikinis, she hadn’t thought about Clarke wearing one. She’d seen Clarke’s boobs before. That was nice. But there was something to her girlfriend in a bikini that was… good. Very good, even. 

Lexa pushed her glasses up slightly on her nose and stared. 

“What are you doing here?” Gus asked, approaching quietly. She didn’t move or say anything else, just stared from across the pool, the steam billowing upward to ward the sky while everyone seemed to glow blue and green and red, the lights alternating around them, the flames of the fire pits dancing to keep everyone warm. The warm glow of the lights inside were lost on the white-blue shade to the water. 

“Lexa, focus,” he snapped his fingers in front of her face. “What are you doing here? Your sister would kill me if she knew you were at a Blake party.” 

“How is it different than any other party?” 

“It just is.” 

“Because of the pool? I’ve been to pool parties.” 

It hadn’t been since seventh grade and didn’t look like an episode of a CW show, but still, she’d been to a pool party with many of the same cast of characters that were currently on display. It was before puberty, but still. 

“We need to get you home.” 

“Clarke invited me.” 

“It doesn’t matter. This isn’t your scene.” 

“I can be in any scene. I’ve watched every John Hughes movie.”

“This is more of an episode of Euphoria than an 80s teen flick,” Gus sighed and took another swig from his cup. “And I fully believe you would fit in fine with Molly Ringwald.”

“That’s very kind of you to say,” Lexa nodded. “I’ll be fine.” 

She took her eyes off of her girlfriend long enough to assure her friend that she was perfectly fine now. She was dating the head cheerleader. She’d been to parties and seen--

“Gus-- is that cocaine?” 

“Okay, yeah, we have to get you out of here,” he shook his head and tossed his empty cup into a flowerbed. 

“Is it really?” she asked, craning her neck as he pushed her forward. “I’ve never see that in real life before. People actually do that thing with the credit cards and dollar bills? Astounding. Where does one get cocaine?” 

“You don’t need to know that.” 

“I’m not going to do it. I’m just curious.” 

They only made it a few steps before the ran into a sopping body. A tall, muscular, tan, perfectly chiseled and dripping body. It was the body of an actual god. It was the body of the perfect specimen, with biceps and the long swimmer cuts that pointed firmly toward his… his-ness. 

“Gus, long time, man. How you been?” Bellamy Blake grinned before slipping his cup in his teeth as he hugged the other football player. 

“Not too bad. Heard you’re heading to Oregon in the fall?” 

“Yeah, partial scholarship. We’ll see what happens,” he shrugged. “Staying close?” 

“Yeah, St. Johns, about three hours away.” 

“Full ride?” 

“Yeah. I got offered half to OSU, but would rather not have to pay anything.” 

“No, that’s smart.” 

The whole time they spoke, Lexa watched Clarke’s ex intently. She frowned to herself and wondered how her girlfriend broke up with him. He was effortlessly cool. He was huge. He looked like he knew how to go down on a girl, and Lexa was still apprehensive. She wished she could fast forward in life until she was really good at sex. 

She watched him grin and sip from his red cup, meeting her eyes curiously as Gus explained something about his college recruitment process. 

“I don’t think we’ve ever met before. I’m Bellamy.” 

He held out his hand. And though she didn’t want to do it, she sighed and shook his hand. 

“Sorry, I should have introduced you. This is Lexa.” 

“Lexa… Lexa…” He mulled. 

“Anya Woods’ sister.” 

“Wow, you’re Anya’s little sister?” 

“Yeah.” 

“How is she? I forgot she had a little sister. I remember her little brother died-- oh shit.” 

“Yeah.” 

“We were just heading out,” Gus interrupted. 

“I was actually just going to go talk to Clarke.” 

“Why would you--”

Before anything else could be said, before anything else could transpire between the two of them, before Gus had to interrupt again, Clarke appeared, launching herself into her girlfriend’s arms, wrapping her own around her neck, her body still slightly damp from the pool she must have just climbed out of during the awkward introduction. 

“You’re here. I’m so happy,” Clarke hummed against Lexa’s warm neck. She buried herself there, suffocating herself happily, slightly tipsy. 

“I told you I’d stop by.” 

Clarke kissed her girlfriend’s neck. She leaned most of her body against her there and giggled, oblivious to the eyes, too drunk to care about anything else happening. 

“I am have the worst day. Maybe the worst week. Maybe the worst year ever. No, wait. Definitely the worst year, and today I finally told my mom everything and then left. So Yeah. It’s been terrible. I got drunk.” 

“Not the healthiest coping mechanism.”

“Not a bit,” Clarke grinned, agreeing eagerly and with a wide grin. She leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend despite her words. 

“You can be healthy tomorrow,” Lexa offered. “You okay?” 

“As okay as can be.” 

There was some throat clearing that happened behind them, and Lexa felt a burning in her ears and chest at the display, unaccustomed to it all. 

“So this is your new girlfriend?” Bellamy asked, looking at the pair. 

“Lex, I suppose you’ve met my ex,” Clarke gestured. 

“Kind of.” 

“Is this party a little much?”

“If I remember correctly, this was exactly the kind of thing you liked. We went to many a party in our tenure,” Bellamy shrugged, lazily leaning against a counter. “Things changed since I left, I guess.” 

“I enjoyed not thinking,” Clarke offered. “You were great for that.” 

Gus and Lexa looked between the two and then at each other. She was almost certain she didn’t know what was happening, but that certainly, something was, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. 

“You moved on quick, huh?” 

“Hey, step back,” Gus interrupted as Bellamy took a single step. “This is Anya’s sister.” 

“Woods?” he furrowed. “You’re dating Anya Woods’ kid sister?” 

“Yup,” Clarke nodded. 

“I heard she was--”

“Standing right here,” Gus finished. 

Lexa felt Clarke’s hand move into her own and she smiled despite the fact that she was picking up a drunk girl at her college guy ex’s party. There was a lot in that sentence she wasn’t happy about, now that she thought about it. 

“You ready to get out of here?” Lexa asked innocently, ignoring the rest. 

“I think we still have a few more shots lined up, Clarke,” Bellamy smiled and Lexa understood the need to punch. 

Noticeably torn, she looked at her girlfriend and back at her ex before realizing that she was actually drunk, and that wasn’t good. Lexa smiled softly and rubbed her girlfriend’s back. She kind of imagined how it must have felt to implode and take her mother down with her. Lexa remembered the feeling of telling her father she was gay and sad. Clarke’s implosion didn’t seem as successful as her own, and Lexa was more than happy to try to help in whatever way she could. 

“Can I stay at your place tonight?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded quickly. “I’ll text my mom to let her know.” 

“You’re seriously leaving?” The college football player and terrible ex scoffed. “The night is still young. It’s barely after eleven.” 

“Thanks for getting me drunk, but I should probably go do something better.” 

“Thanks for showing me around,” Lexa offered nodding her head slightly toward the host before he could argue. “Have a good night. I’ll see you on Monday, Gus.”

“Get home safe,” the linebacker warned. 

Slightly dumbfounded, Bellamy Blake stood there, hands on his hips as he watched his ex weave through the crowd of people and disappear. As much s everything stayed the same, he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling of change, and how averse he was to it. 

XXXXXXXXXX

“Here, you can, uh,” Lexa quickly moved through her bedroom, leaving her girlfriend standing by the bed. “I have some old sweats if you want.” 

Already, Clarke began taking off her pants, and Lexa quickly looked in the drawers of her dresser. She felt the tips of her ears burn slightly as she looked over her shoulder, her girlfriend slumping into the bed, pants lost to the floor. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that party. I knew it,” Clarke sighed, rubbing her face with both hands to ride herself of the spinning. “But I didn’t care. I just wanted to… you know…”

“You had it out with your mom. You just anted to go far away. I get it.” 

“Don’t be nice to me. I knew better than to go, especially to anything involving Bellamy Blake.” 

“Why?” 

“He doesn’t care about any of it. Just has drinks. I should have called you or like done something else.” 

“You’re allowed to want to take a night off from a giant secret after a huge fight. And you don’t need my permission,” Lexa reminded her girlfriend, offering an old shirt. 

“It was stupid.” 

“Do you feel better?” 

Gingerly, Lexa tugged at Clarke’s shirt, pulling it over her head until she flopped back down on the bed, her hair fanning out against the pillow. Agitated at herself, at her clothe, at the unfathomable uncontrollability to the entirety of her life, Clarke growled to herself as she tugged off her bra, tossing it to the side and gracelessly pulling on the shirt Lexa offered. 

“I don’t feel better at all.” 

It was certainly a pout, and Lexa did her best to ignore it. Instead, she slicked off the light beside the bed, and slid between the sheets next to Clarke. Lexa laid there until Clarke turned to face her, until she placed her hand on her neck and cheek. 

“I’m sorry you had to pick me up.” 

“It’s okay,” Lexa whispered. 

“It’s not. I’m not like this… I don’t mean to be… I mean--”

“It’s okay.” 

Clarke leaned forward, shifting beneath the blankets until their knees were touching. She moved to only push the hair from Lexa’s forehead and she paused before kissing her lips. She tasted the warmth of the tequila there and she didn’t care. Lexa signed. 

“Please don’t give up on me anytime soon,” Clarke murmured. Stunned from the kiss, Lexa blinked in the dark and shifted closer. 

“I wouldn’t ever.” 

“I know you wouldn’t. I just had to say it out loud.” 

“Okay.” 

Lexa was certain she was going to get another kiss, but instead, Clarke dug her forehead under her girlfriend’s chin and pressed their bodies together, hugging her tightly and disappearing, being overwhelmed, anchoring herself to a steady force. Lexa rubbed Clarke’s back for a few moments until she fell asleep, and then she allowed herself the option of sleep.

NEXT

[100hearteyes]

First chapter of a fic I will likely never continue. Canon divergent. Unedited and riddled with typos. ~5k words.

Lexa straightens her posture as her horse halts just after the forest and at the first sign of civilization ahead. It huffs and hits the soil with one of its hoofs, expressing its disquiet. She shares the sentiment; Skaikru are very much an odd and unpredictable body in the grand scheme of things still.

The Sky clan had been at war with Trikru for over a decade since falling to earth, seeing as they had occupied Lexa's people's land,whrnh the Ice Nation offered them an alliance. Trikru yielded, aware that fighting both clans at once would be foolish. At the time, the Commander was from the Blue Cliff clan and no more than a religious figure, indifferent to the quells between clans. Lexa has changed that over the past few years — and is intent on continuing to do so.

"Heda." She turns her head only slightly to her right, just enough to be able to look at Gustus from the corner of her eye. "I do not have a good feeling about this."

"We both know that if it were up to you I would be locked up in the tower and never come out." She softens, regards her bodyguard fully. "You worry too much, Gustus. The Sky People will be a valuable asset for the Coalition."

"They think themselves superior just because they have guns and tech," he counters with distrust. "They are dishonourable in combat and gloat about it."

"The Coalition needs them," Lexa snaps, and that is the end of it. "And, hopefully, they need the Coalition, too."

Arkadia, capital of the Sky clan, is by all means an impressive sight, very different to anything Lexa has ever seen. Everything is metal and a heavy grey; from the wall protecting it to the pair of guard lookout towers, to the massive gates with the 'Arkadia' lettering on top. From her elevated position, Lexa can see a main building that rises slightly above the wall and takes up about a quarter of the whole area, and other smaller buildings sprinkled about the space left vacant by it. It is evident that while the Arkadians had no say on the positioning of the main building, they planned the city around it, since everything else is so geometrically placed, including the grey dirt roads that trace an intricate cobweb that winds through the empty spaces and gives the city an air of concrete orderliness. However, everything pales in comparison to the giant wheel propped just to the side of the main building, presumably what was once meant to surround the ship that Sky People lived in up in space before they fell to earth. It is clearly one of the few things that have resisted the decades unadulterated, even if it has been repurposed, as Lexa assumes from the sillhouettes of people climbing up and down its inner arms. It is a formidable sight, even for those more averse to the marvels of the world that Skaikru left back in space and have ever since tried to recreate on Earth. Nonetheless, Arkadia as a whole is an obtrusive presence in the midst of the greenery and unwavering power of nature. It makes Lexa almost squirm on her saddle, uncomfortable with such a demonstration of stubborn inadaptation — no village, town, or city should be so violently at odds with its surroundings.

They approach the city slowly and with only half the warriors she brought along, so as to indicate that they mean no harm — and make sure no one will frame it otherwise. Lexa's retinue is mostly made up of warriors, amongst them her personal guards, but she was also careful to include two of her most trusted diplomats; people who will negotiate in her stead when need be and will work to make sure that those on her side remain there. They are people who work the complicated web of politics and favor better even than her.

As they come closer to Arkadia, its inhabitants crowd close to the walls, looking at Lexa and her crew as though they are wild, fascinating animals. Such is the consequence of isolation. Lexa watches as a small group gathers just outside the walls and recognises Marcus Kane, chancellor of the Sky People, at the head of the greeting party.

Finally her group come to a stop just a few feet from the Arkadians and Markus of the Sky People steps up to greet Lexa with a genuine, welcoming smile. "Commander," he says in greeting and extends his hand. "It's such a great honor to have your visit."

She nods and grips his forearm. Marcus of the Sky People is a pleasant man, both in appearance and personality. His luscious hair and thick beard frame kind eyes and a jovial smile that make him extremely likable. Soft-spoken and invested in every conversation he takes part in regardless of its actual importance, Marcus of the Sky People is a dependable fatherly figure. He is also fierce and wise, however, and Lexa likes him even more for that.

"Chancellor Marcus Kane," she greets back, careful to use his full name, as Sky People do. "Thank you for receiving us on such short notice."

She lets go of his arm and lets her hand rest on the pommel of her sword. "We're just lucky you're here at all," he replies honestly, then turns to the rest of his group. "Please give your warmest welcome to the Commander, Lexa kom Trikru." She appreciates the effort to use her mother tongue — details like that can make the difference between a successful deal and a failed one, for it builds bridges where there are none. Marcus is a proficient builder of diplomatic bridges.

The first person to step forward is a woman in her forties like Marcus, though the lines of her face are more tired and severe. She looks like a woman who looks death in the face every day and when she extends her calloused hand for a greeting, Lexa realises that is exactly the case. "I'm Abby Griffin." Lexa clasps Abby's forearm and she spies a special brand of kindness in brown eyes that tells her that this woman is not only a caretaker, but also a mother. "I'm a council member and Chief Doctor of Arkadia and Skaikru in general."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," Lexa says as Abby takes a step back and a new member of the greeting party comes forward. "Raven, I assume," Lexa nods, clued in by the girl's oil-splattered cheek. "Your fame precedes you, tech master."

The girl beams, dark eyes shining brightly, and salutes. Her ponytail swings with the movement. "At your service, Commander. I hope your visit proves fruitful."

"That makes two of us, Raven of the Sky People."

"I'm Bellamy Blake." Lexa turns to the man that has stepped forward and clasps his outstretched hand instead of his forearm. She can tell that this is a man who likes things done his way; insecure enough to need to underline his status. "I'm in charge of all things military and security."

"A general, then," Lexa recognises. "Are you Octavia Blake's fabled brother?" She is careful to use her Sky People surname and not her Trikru suffix lest he become even less friendly.

His nose crinkles and his freckles dance angrily beneath dark eyes and unruly, short curls of hair. "Haven't seen her in almost a year since she got it in her head that she wants to be a barbarian."

Lexa lets the comment slide. "She is a fine warrior. My people are very lucky to have her."

He grunts and gives way to the next council member, a middle-aged woman with a gentle smile but a fear of the unknown in the way she clasps Lexa's forearm. "Hannah Green. Farming, hunting, and other resources," the woman greets. "Council member, too."

Lexa nods her acknowledgement and watches as Hannah kom Skaikru steps backward. Her replacements are two tall, robust men, their dark skin, eyes, and mannerisms nearly identical, though the younger one is more genuine while the older one has an air of arrogance about him.

"I'm Wells Jaha and this is my father, Thelonious," the young man says pleasantly, and Lexa likes him right away. She clasps Wells's forearm, then Thelonious's, and even their grips are different. How can two men look so alike and yet behave so differently?

Just from the introductions, Lexa is slightly worried. Bellamy, Abby, Hannah, and Thelonious will vote against entering the Coalition; a number that exceeds that of Marcus, Raven, and Wells. The chancellor has the deciding vote, but it will be for naught if the numbers do not even out.

The final person steps forward at last. A girl around Lexa's age, with blonde hair and determined blue eyes. "My name is Clarke," the girl greets, her voice husky and only moderately welcoming. Lexa studies the girl, looks for twitches and tells, but cannot read her at all. It is worrying; the last thing she needs at this point is a wildcard. She can tell, however, that her own first impression is lacking. "I'm in charge of urban and regional planning, and foreign affairs." Lexa extends her arm for greeting, but Clarke leaves her hanging. A golden, sceptical eyebrow is quirked and Clarke's eyes are narrowed, and it is all Lexa can do not to growl at such insolence. "Let me decide first if you're worth shaking hands with."

Lexa takes a deep breath and tells herself that punishing Clarke kom Skaikru's impertinence is not worth wasting the chance to draw the Sky People into her Coalition. So she purses her lips and clasps her hands behind her back, letting her posture straighten and her chin rise with defiant authority. Her eyes burn into Clarke's. "Very well." She turns to Marcus, who seems to have blanched considerably. "Please lead me to my quarters, Marcus of the Sky People. The day has been long and we have much to discuss tomorrow. I would like to rest."

~~~~

Arkadia isn't home. But it also is, because she has never known another place. Nevertheless, she has never felt at home inside its dull grays, angry lights, and obstinate refusal to fully mesh with its surroundings.

Clarke isn't one to fantasise about what could be; she locks her dreams inside drawings of another life and lives what is instead. There is no space, no time to wonder on the ground.

Still she can't help musing about a world where she would be able to travel between clans freely and adopt another as her own. She can't help musing about a world where they wouldn't have to fend off attacks from the other clans, even if the Ice Nation has helped them through the more difficult times. That is exactly why she finds the idea of a coalition so appealing — it's eating away at her, however, to entertain the idea of it being led by a tyrant like Commander Lexa.

She's heard all the stories and she knows which ones are true. She knows of the Commander's thirst for glory and power. She knows of her ruthlessness and disregard for human life. She knows of the Commander's penchant for spilling blood and autocratic style. She knows and she saw it all in the Commander's conceited bearing, in the cold press of full lips, in the raised chin of a despot; she saw it in the way the Commander's eyes flashed with anger, the only display of emotion during an otherwise frigid interaction.

Yet the cry for change reverberates through the halls of Arkadia, which thrums with the need to be more. And Clarke... Clarke wants the best for her people. Always. So if she deems joining the Coalition the right step to take, she will vote for it no matter how tough a pillow it will be to swallow.

Another tough pill to swallow? Kane's reproach for the way she talked to the Commander.

"It was unacceptable, Clarke. You embarrassed the Commander and risked being beheaded on the spot." It means something when Zen Kane gives you such a talking-to. "You shamed us all."

"Stop right there, Marcus." Oh, yes. Your mother defending you does make the situation a hundred times better. It's not at all ignored for being biased. "I think you're being unfair. Yes, Clarke should've minced her words, but she didn't same us."

Kane's eye roll is exactly the reaction Clarke's expected. "Look, Abby. I know you're her mother—"

Abby's affronted look is even more predictable. "This has nothing to do with—"

"Enough!" Kane and Abby as well as the rest of the council look at her. Clarke looks at each of the six other faces sitting around the semicircle-shaped table and then at Kane, who stands alone at the straight side of it. She sighs. "I made a mistake. I put us in a difficult position. I'm sorry."

Kane nods his approval. The small, dark room lends him a more solemn, even poetic appearance, and the way he cups his bearded chin while he thinks makes him look like a philosopher. "Thank you for acknowledging your mistake, Clarke," he says kindly as he lays a companionable hand on her shoulder. "There will have to be consequences, however."

She expected nothing less. Despite the little show she put on before the Commander, Clarke knows her place. "I understand, Chancellor," she nods, and feels more insecure the moment his fatherly hand leaves her shoulder. Her dad died years ago and no one will ever replace him, but the way Kane behaves towards her reminds her a little bit of what it was like to have a father. She's grateful for it; she misses the comfort of her dad's hugs and the pride in his smile.

The moments before he finally doles out her punishment remind her why she doesn't like this room — it's cold and dark and has an ominous feeling to it that makes her feel trapped. Like everything discussed in her is always too serious. It often is. She much prefers the strategy meeting room with its rectangular, waist-high table that causes them to stay standing and its glass-like boards with maps and notes written into them with colorful pens. It's also larger — so much larger. It's better illuminated, too.

Finally Kane stops thinking and meets her eyes. "You will be the Commander's shadow. An ambassador. You will show Arkadia and whatever else necessary to her and you will be her guide around here. You will make sure she has everything she needs and you will handle everything relating to her presence here."

Clarke can't help but scoff. "You mean I'll be her damn babysitter," she challenges.

"Yes," Kane acquiesces, not giving in an inch. "That's exactly what you will be."

"You can't be serious," she presses, because this is too heavy a punishment for her offence.

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, then scratches at the side of his beard. "Look at it this way: you will be able to get to know her and her culture better and it might help shape your vote. I know you're the only one of us who hasn't made up her mind yet," he notes with a meaningful look. And yes, he's right. Actually, her vote is pretty damn important because with the way things are it will decide the Sky People's fate altogether. "It might help you decide that being a part of the Coalition is nothing but trouble for us, or it might actually change your mind and show you that the Commander's intentions are not so bad after all. Whatever the outcome, it will have been a good experience."

Clarke knows he's right, but she can't imagine spending two weeks with the Commander and not confirming that she is indeed a bloodthirsty savage. Alas, she owes it to her people to at least try.

"Fine."

~~~~

Lexa is not unused to the bustle of early morning, the sounds of the city rousing to life outside, the doors that open and close and the voices that speak in hushed tones so as not to wake those sleeping. They often wake her anyway. What she is unused to are the boots that clank on metal, that fans that whir along the halls, and the flickering, buzzing light provided not by candles but by a hollow opening in the ceiling.

She left Anya outside of Arkadia to set up camp with the rest of her retinue. Gustus came with her, along with a handful of warriors and diplomats. Despite reason, she does not think they will be at risk inside the walls of the ally of their enemy. Besides, having Gustus by her side — or in this case, in the next room — is like having an army of twenty. Lexa trusts him with her life and that of those she loves most. There was only one time when she trusted him and he could not keep someone she loved safe. It wasn't his fault, despite the tears of guilt and regret that ran down his face when he came back, battered and bloody and without Lexa's lover. It took weeks for his wounds to heal enough for him to leave his bed. Months later, he would finally admit that it had not been ten warriors he had had to fight off, but thirty. Lexa never blamed him, never even imagined blaming him for what happened. There are only two people she has ever blamed for it — one of them is herself.

Lexa gets ready for the day in motions automated by the years. She resents Skaikru for not having proper bathtubs; she doesn't dare touch what the server girl from last night called a shower, so she foregoes washing altogether. There is a river nearby she can bathe in anyway. Once her pauldron is resting on her shoulder, its weight and looping red sash a permanent reminder of her station, Lexa leaves her bedroom, only to register with disapproval that the Sky Council did not assign anyone to guard her door. Instead she finds Gustus waiting for her, no doubt already having sent whoever he assigned to her door away. "Heda," he greets with a bow. "How was your night?"

"As would be expected," she replies, keeping her face neutral as she notices Marcus's approach. He sends her a warm smile.

"Commander." They clasp forearms with comfortable formality. "I hope you had a good night's sleep."

"The mattress was stiff. But I have spent much worse nights in foreign clans." It is both criticism and a compliment, and she knows it leaves Marcus slightly disconcerted albeit resolute to make sure her next night is better. It keeps him on his toes without outright insulting his hospitality.

"We'll look into the matter." A pause, then another smile. "In the meantime, I'm sure you would like to eat, Commander?" He waits for Lexa to nod before leading her and Gustus through numerous halls, walking by doors left and right. Lexa peers curiously as they pass by a by room lined with tables and people eating. "That's the mess hall, where almost everyone eats, but I'm sure you'd like to have a more... discreet meal, if you will. I've arranged for breakfast in my office."

"I wouldn't mind eating with your people, Marcus," she says truly as they come to a stop at a door, two staircases later. He fishes a key from his pocket and inserts it in the hole.

"Of course, Commander. But just for today, for your very first meal here, I thought you would appreciate something not as overwhelming."

"I do," she nods.

He opens the door for her and she stops into a room with a wooden desk and a mismatched chair next to the far wall. A battered couch sits against one of the walls to one side and on the other are several maps and eerily realistic paintings nailed to it. A lamp hanging from the ceiling provides light to the entire office and an open door near the couch leads them to a more open, free space. Marcus motions for Lexa to enter it and she is pleased to find a small, semicircular room with large, tall windows on the round wall that oversee Arkadia from two stories above. There is a round table in the middle with three chairs around it and several dishes waiting for Lexa's hungry stomach. Looking out the windows again, she wonders if this is a room they had up in space before the Sky People fell to the ground and if they could see the stars and the Earth from there.

"Did you live there? In space?"

Kane is now standing next to her and looking out the windows with his arms being his back, a pose that very much mirrors her own. It takes him almost a minute to reply; when he does, it is not without a sigh she cannot decipher. It sounds like nostalgia laced with relief.

"The Ark fell down about thirty years ago. I was just a kid then, twenty years old and sure that I would become someone important one day. Which I did," he acquiesces with a rueful smile, "but not for the reasons I wanted it then. The ground shaped me. I've spent more years on the ground than I did in space already. I have... changed a lot since then. I was eager, too ambitious, and too overzealous in following the rules. The ground taught me that rules need to be interpreted. I'm still eager," he chuckles, and Lexa almost lets a small smile escape her lips, "but what drives me now is love for my people. I want what's best for them, not for myself. And that," he turns his torso to her with a raised eyebrow and a kind smile, "is why I want the Sky clan to be a part of the Coalition."

"What do I have to do to make sure our common goal is achieved?" Lexa asks with caution as he turns back to the windows. She needs to tread carefully.

"Convince Clarke," Marcus says easily. It is as she thought. "Everyone else has their mind set. I have the deciding vote, but right now we are at a disadvantage. We need her yes to tie with the no's and activate the deciding quality of my vote. Otherwise, it's just a vote. Anyway." He turns to her again and extends an arm towards the table. "Shall we eat? Food's getting cold."

Lexa eats mostly in silence while Marcus tells her stories of the Ark, the stars, and their planet seen from space. She keeps her expression neutral, but is secretly fascinated and hangs on to his every word. She barely notices when she has finished eating and Marcus leads her out of the room. She is shocked out of her awe when he opens the door to his office to reveal none other than Clarke kom Skaikru.

"Commander, I'm sure you remember Clarke Griffin," Marcus says pleasantly. Lexa's eyes do not leave their new company's.

"Yes, our first meeting was... quite memorable."

Clarke has the decency to lower her gaze to the floor in a clear sign of shame. When her eyes return to Lexa's, she sees honesty in them.

"I wanted to apologize for that, Commander. I was unnecessarily rude," Clarke admits, and Lexa has to fight off a triumphant smirk. Instead, she dips her head in wordless assent. An uncomfortable silence spans for several long seconds, before Marcus clears his throat.

"So. Clarke will be your guide here, Commander. She will be at your disposal for anything you need and will help you acclimate to Arkadia. I genuinely hope that all your future interactions will be better than the first." He finishes with a warning glare at Clarke, who once again ducks her head in embarrassment. His attention shifts back to Lexa. "Commander," he nods. She nods back wordlessly and then he's off to somewhere else, leaving her alone with Clarke.

Lexa is not a fan of employing clichés, but the silence is deafening. Neither she nor Clarke know what to say or do now that Marcus is not there to act as a buffer. Eventually, Clarke clears her throat, thus ending their torture.

"I hope you enjoy your stay in Arkadia, Commander. Today, I would like to show you what each sector does around here."

~~~~

First, Clarke takes her to see the farms. Lexa is impressed with the technology they employ, some of it simple enough that the other clans can replicate. They lack the knowledge earned through years of experience, however, and Lexa can visualize how the other clans can help the Sky People complement their scientific expertise with conventional wisdom. The same would be true for hunting if her people were keen on using fire guns. Instead, it is a foregone conclusion that the Sky People have much to learn before they can hunt in an effective way that will truly allow them to live fairly comfortably through the harsher seasons.

During the day, Lexa realises that Clarke is bright and ingenious, though judgemental and opinionated. Lexa can see that the Sky Council member is making an effort, however, so she does not make her job too hard. Clarke talks her through her clan's decision-making process, some general laws and traditions, the way religion evolved on the Ark, and how the ground contributed to diminish the gap between classes.

"We all need to work to survive," Clarke explains. "Some people will always be lazy, some will work more than others, but opportunities are never amiss. If you work hard enough, life will be merciful. Or as merciful as it can be on the ground," she adds as an afterthought. Lexa takes the chance to point out that life can be easier for the Sky People if they ally with her. Clarke counters with a smirking 'maybe' and moves on.

Lexa feels a quiet sense of wonder, muted also byba slight prickle of fear and discomfort, when she first enters the medical aisle. Everything is white and pristine, and there are machines as big as Lexa that both sit the patients down in comfortable seats and lloom over them with big, mechanical arms. There are beds everywhere, an organised chaos of machines, healers, and patients. Lexa feels miserably out of place, but she can't help but marvel at how advanced the Sky People seem to be in terms of medicine. This her people can learn from.

"Raven has managed to build more equipment and make our medical aisle as effective as it can be." Clarke's husky voice provides pleasant commentary on all the technological wonders around them. "A lot of the doctors are still in training, but soon we'll have a hospital ready to answer everyone's needs."

Lexa turns to Clarke, dips her chin in a slight nod. "Our methods are more traditional. We answer many needs, but often find ourselves lacking the means to further our expertise. Our healers could learn a lot from yours," she says. Clarke turns to her with a pensive crease between her eyebrows. "And maybe they could teach your healers how to draw from nature to cure many ailments."

"That's... not such a bad idea," Clarke concedes, and a smile ghosts over pink lips, making the beauty mark above them tip upwards. "But we would have to think things through very thoroughly. That is, if we joined the Coalition."

"Of course."

Their day draws to an end when the sun has already hidden behind the walls of Arkadia and the sky is the same purple that colours its flags. Clarke explains to her that each of their cities is represented by a colour and together they form a rainbow. "I may have had a hand in that," Clarke confides, although the meaning of her sly smirk is lost on Lexa.

Clarke takes her to the door of her quarters and it is not until Lexa is about to nod her goodbye that the Sky leader clears her throat and extends her arm. Lexa's eyes take in the proffered arm, then find Clarke's gaze with a raised eyebrow. Clarke purses her lips and takes a deep breath.

"Look, I am— genuinely sorry for... for what happened yesterday. My behaviour was unacceptable."

Lexa is tempted to punish Clarke a bit further, but decides to offer an olive branch instead. She clasps Clarke's forearm and feels soft fingers wrap around her own. "You are unwaveringly protective of your people, Clarke. I can appreciate that."

Clarke's small, grateful smile is worth the concession.

~~~~

The next morning, Lexa leaves her quarters to find Marcus and Clarke waiting for her. Once all pleasantries are exchanged, the Chancellor invites her, with an eager tilt to his voice, to have the first meal in the mess hall.

Lexa accepts the invitation with polite words and Marcus takes the front of their little group of four, Gustus included. Lexa and Clarke walk side by side just a few steps behind.

"I hope you are liking your stay here, Commander," Clarke says after several seconds of silence.

Lexa gathers her thoughts before she answers carefully: "It is in many ways an experience unlike what I am used to. The sounds are different, the clothes too. There is no shortage of metal."

Clarke hums in agreement. "Technology has its pros and cons. Against it is the fact that you find yourself turning your back on your surroundings." Lexa's eyes must hold a question in them, for Clarke answers it immediately: "When everything you need is inside a wall, you end up exploring the world outside less and less."

"Maybe I can help your people find their balance."

Clarke shrugs noncommittally, but Lexa spies indecision in her eyes. It is not until some seconds later that Clarke decides to voice her thoughts.

"The problem with alliances is that they only last for so long. Eventually one clan's needs trumps the alliance's and everyone falls back into their old, warring ways."

Lexa understands Clarke's doubt; it has plagued her sleepless one too many nights. However, it is not just a matter of conviction. Lexa knows that if she manages to find a balance between codependency and independency, she can keep the Coalition alive for many ages. She wants her legacy to be enjoyed by many commanders after her.

"Clarke, I am trying to build something that will last for many generations. An alliance that will stand the test of time, a brand of peace that will outlive all of us," she says, unable to keep a thread of passion from her voice. "Something much stronger than the Pauna's fist and far greater than a hero's glory. War breeds legends, peace feeds civilisations."

Clarke's smile is teasing, but Lexa recognises it for the deflection that it is. "Nice speech, Commander."

She shrugs and lets her eyes glint with mirth. "I am not above making rousing speeches to sway your vote, Clarke."

~~~~

(there was more but it was incomplete so I figured this would be the best place to cut)

[lionsgane]

People thinking Clarke shooting Bellamy is out of character...Huh?

Clarke has been a selfish hypocrite since day one. Take off the character stan goggles, the shipper goggles. Hello. Welcome to The 100. Join the rest of us.

Clarke is not the only hypocrite on the show - Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Abby, etc. have been/can be as well - but the fandom has no problem pointing out their flaws. Heaven forbid Clarke, White Savior, Wanheda, Savior of Us All, be analyzed for who she is. 

I found the murder weapon at the scene of the crime, cause that makes sense. I'm going to tell everyone Murphy is a murderer. Everyone tries to kill Murphy. Oh no! This is exactly what I wanted, but I'll pretend it's not.

Charlotte kills Wells in cold blood. I'll protect you from justice.

"We don't decide who lives and dies down here!" Two seconds later - except you, Murphy, you're a piece of shit for being falsely accused of murder, beaten, hung, and seeking revenge against the actual murderer. I banish you, which is a death sentence anyway.

Murphy was tortured as a result of his banishment; I understand why he cracked and told them everything. Murphy, you're a piece of shit.

"We don't decide who lives and dies down here!" If Murphy refuses to leave camp after I towel off a couple spots of blood as 'healing,' then I'll kill him.

"I'm trying to save all of us!" Steals the bunker for Skaikru and tries to kill Bellamy when he wants to open the door.

We need to save the human race. Refuses to let anyone but Skaikru into the bunker even though there's room for hundreds more, and the potential to share genetics and skills is a good thing.

We need to save the human race. Helps McCreary literally destroy the Earth.

We need to do better. I've never done anything wrong; you all suck.

Monty wouldn't want this. I thought Monty was disposable.

We need to save the human race. We will definitely need engineers after Praimfaya. But only two. We don't need the guy who's helped save us countless times. Monty doesn't make the cut.

"I'm trying to save all of us!" Only cares about Madi.

I love Madi. She's my "daughter." Shock-collars her.

Finn commits genocide for you. This is your fault, Murphy. You should have stood in front of a violent kid with a loaded gun in a mass shooting.

Murphy kills two people, while your death count is easily 600+. YOU'RE EVIL MURPHY. YOU DESERVE HELL.

"What did you do to my friend?" Leaves Murphy in Polis with no-good Titus, crazy, power-hungry Ontari, and doesn't once wonder if he made it out alive or even ask where he is since supposedly Titus was going to free him. Some friend you are.

Bellamy is my best friend! Repeatedly acts against him, threatens to kill him.

Someone else has a good idea. No.

"I bear it, so they don't have to." Literally adopts this mantra from President Cage, who approves of murdering your people and has committed genocide and other atrocious acts for years.

Dad, we have to tell the people what's happening on the Ark. They have a right to know. No, we can't tell Skaikru about Praimfiya. No, we can't tell Skaikru only 100 can survive in the Ark. I'll just make a list of who gets to live.

Mount Weather is evil for bleeding Grounders and taking bone marrow from Skaikru to survive. Bleeds Luna without consent and tries to test Emori and Murphy in precisely the same manner.

Consent and free will are vital. Violates this repeatedly, including trying to force the Flame into Luna's head.

I know what's best for everyone. Why are you rebelling? Why are you mad at me?

Why did you come up with a better idea? No, we can't do that.  

Someone lists legitimate grievances with Clarke. I've never done anything wrong, ever. Spits a fake apology through grinding teeth. So sincere.  

Let's crowdsource to find a solution to this problem. No way; I'm the only smart one here. We can't tell these sheep anything. I'll just keep all the pressure on me and you.

A serious problem arises. Why don't you immediately have a solution, Raven?! Why is this taking more than one minute? What about you, Monty, whom I believe is expendable? You're supposed to save us before I let you and hundreds of others die.

"You may be the Chancellor, but I'm in charge." Why does everyone expect me to do things? I have to make a lot of tough decisions, but I never asked for this. Be nice to me as I'm cruel to you, dammit.

I'm trying to save us all. One hundred percent values a handful of lives over everyone else within Skaikru, grounders, etc.

Becomes a natblida thanks to her mom and her "selflessness." Immediately tries to become the Commander by force, demanding Gaia give her the Flame.

All the grounders must follow the rules. But we totally need to cheat at this conclave. Let others die.

I'm trying to save everyone. We should all survive. I totally respect everyone. Steals the bunker.

Jasper, stop being depressed. No! You can't destroy the Flame, that's Lexa. Only I'm allowed to miss loved ones.

I respect grounder customs; my love for Lexa would never let me disrespect ascension. Shits all over tradition. Tries to force the Flame in Luna. Tries to become Commander herself and gets pissy when even Abby rejects her.

We sacrifice the few to save the many. But not if it's someone I care about.

We need to do better. Monty didn't save us so we can be violent again. Doesn't acknowledge that she's the one who's done the most wrong. Or that she's the only survivor who didn't even value Monty as a person.

Monty would be ashamed of you. Monty would actually be ashamed of me, but I won't admit that.

I just helped destroy the entire planet and even though there's about five people on this dropship we need to leave immediately so I can live. Oh right, Madi, who I did all of this for, and all of my "friends."

I am absolutely the hero of this story. Is definitely the big villain of the entire series. Even Eliza doesn’t get it.

And that's just the stuff from the top of my head through season 5. You can of course like Clarke. For sure. But seriously people, acknowledge who she is.

[ecfandom]

Polis 433 sneaky peaky!

***

Lexa carried Ellie up the front stairs and waited patiently as Clarke fumbled for the keys in her purse. She was glad for the late night shadows that cast her flushed face in darkness. Her heart was racing, her body still buzzing from the feel of Clarke’s body pressed close, her cheeks still burning from the hot brush of Clarke’s lips.

“Jesus christ,” Clarke huffed, rifling through her purse more aggressively now.

“Here, let me help,” Lexa said, pulling herself out of her thoughts. She pulled out her key ring and flipped on a little flashlight she had there, shining it into Clarke’s purse.

“Thank you,” Clarke murmured, smiling at her quickly before locating her keys and turning her attention back to the lock.

“Got it?”

“Well,” Clarke mutteres, a tinge of worry in her voice. She looked back at Lexa, something unsettled in her gaze.

.

“What is it?” Lexa asked.

“The door is unlocked. I know I locked it before I left.”

Lexa frowned and stepped forward, handing Ellie to Clarke. “Hang back for a second.” She guided them to stand behind her and moved towards the door. Silently, she edged it open, moving with the practice stealth of a soldier. If Clarke weren’t so worried about what they might find, she might be enamored by the strength and power that each silent movement of Lexa’s strong body held. Lexa held up her hand when Clark moved to follow.

“Let me look around first,” she whispered.

“Do you see anything?” Clarke asked, leaning forward to peer over Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa looked at her and grinned at the adorable expression of mixed curiosity and worry on Clarke’s face hovering so close to her own.

“Just wait here a second.”

Lexa moved cautiously down the hall, scanning in front of her as the living room at the back of the house came into view in the dull glow of the kitchen light. She stopped at the end of the hall, peering around the corner into the living room.

“Is there a reason you’re slinking around my daughter’s house like a hungry alley cat?”

The voice made Lexus heart leap into her throat, but she didn’t jump. Forcing herself calm, she turned slowly, meeting the chief of surgery’s eyes as she stood in the kitchen, backlit by the open fridge.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Lexa said, with as casal tone she could muster as she tried to corral her heart back into her chest. She then added, “respectfully, of course.”

Abby grinned, amused and even a little endeared by the hint or protectiveness in Lexa’s tone. She held up a bag of groceries. “I picked up some things I noticed Clarke needed last time I was here. The grocery store’s a quick walk between here and the hospital, so I thought I’d drop by. When she wasn’t home, I let myself in. Your turn.”

“My--what?”

“Well, I assume you’re not breaking and entering.”

“No! No, I drove her home from the baseball game,” Lexa said, eyes widening at the very assertion.

“Oh, was that tonight?” Abby returned her attention to unpacking the groceries and Lexa let out a long breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. “Who won?”

“I’m not sure. We left early.” Lexa stepped forward, nodding at the groceries. “Can I help you with those?”

Abby smiled. “Sure.”

“Let me just let them know the coast is clear.”

Abby looked up at the sound of voices coming down the hall and stilled, intrigued by what she saw. Clarke and Lexa’s arms brushed they stood so close as they walked. Ellie was asleep against Clarke’s chest, but even in sleep she leaned towards Lexa with a comforting familiarity. Every step brought them closer together. Lexa’s hand moved to the small of Clarke’s back as she stepped around her towards the kitchen, and the smile Clarke gave her in return was something Abby hadn’t seen in a long time. It was warm and trusting, and most surprising of all, it was genuine.

“I’m just going to get Ellie tucked in and I’ll be back down,” Clarke said to both of them, her hand unconsciously skirting down Lexa’s arm as she moved away.

“Take your time, honey,” Abby said, looking down at the groceries in front of her to hide her smile. “Lexa here’s going to help me put up the things on the tall shelves.”

Clarke eyed them suspiciously. “I don’t trust you. You’re planning something.”

Abby waved her off. “Oh hush. My only plan is to get you stocked up and then I’m gone.”

“You’re scheming. I know you are,” Clarke said with a sigh, but when she looked at Lexa and was met with a small, almost dopey grin, her heart fluttered and all she could do was shake her head in amusement. “Alright then. Behave, you two.” She turned and headed for the hall.

“Don’t worry,” Lexa called after her, “we’ll only be talking about all your most embarrassing secrets.”

Clarked looked over her shoulder and shot Lexa a dubious smile. “Uh huh. I don’t doubt it.”

Abby watched all of this curiously, unsure what to feel. Certainly elated at seeing Clarke so happy, but she also knew her daughter; she knew that it would take nothing short of dragging Clarke kicking and screaming through a minefield of trust issues to get her heart to truly open back up. She was hot and cold, ready then not, intrigued then terrified, loving then harsh as the Northeastern winters she grew up in. She had the stubbornness to outlast five lifetimes, and there were not many who had the patience to wait her out.

“Let me get that,” Lexa said behind her, taking the extra packages of paper towels and placing them on the top shelf of the cabinets.

“Well, don’t you just make me feel short.”

Lexa grinned at her and took the clorox wipes Abby handed her. “I get that a lot.”

“How tall are you? 5’9? 5’10?”

“5’11, 5’10 on a good day.” Lexa shuffled some things around on the shelf, organizing the items she could tell had been tossed up there, likely with fingers crossed.

Abby chuckled. “Shouldn’t that be the other way around?”

“Not when you’re sick of people asking you how the weather is up here.” She took the package of sponges and paused. “Do you think she might prefer these under the sink?”

“Oh, she has plenty down there. I just like to get her stocked up from time to time,” Abby said, quickly, looking back to the bags of groceries on the ground. Lexa didn’t miss the hint of embarrassment that flickered across the surgeon’s normally steeley facade.

Lexa smiled to herself, recognizing her sister in Abby. Abby needed to take care of Clarke perhaps more so than Clarke needed the care. They’d both suffered the loss of Clarke’s father, and it was obvious, now more so than ever, that Abby was lonely. Lexa grabbed the second package of sponges from the counter and fitted them neatly beside the first. “I know she appreciates it,” she added quietly.

Abby smiled, then cleared her throat. “Well. I’m just about done here. Shall we wait for Clarke on the back porch? It’s a lovely night.”

“Sure.”

“Water?”

“That’d be great.”

Abby fixed them both glasses and led the way out onto the porch, flicking on the strung lights above them, then settling into one of the adirondack chairs facing the yard. Lexa followed and sat beside her.

“So how are you doing?” Abby asked. Lexa frowned in confusion and Abby rolled her eyes fondly. “If you’ll remember, you were in my ICU not that long ago.”

“Oh, that.” Lexa waved the memory off like an annoying fruit fly rather than a dire medical emergency. “Just a false alarm.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling the stopping of your heart? A false alarm?”

Lexa turned her head, studying Abby. There was scrutiny in Abby’s eyes, but also something else. Something warm. “Is this about Clarke?”

“I don’t know. Is it?”

Lexa leaned forward, dropping her elbows to her knees with a heavy sigh. She turned the glass of water in her fingers, watching the droplets of condensation drip to the porch beneath her. Abby watched her quietly, giving her time to think. There was something about Lexa that was so much like her Jake it made her chest ache. They were quiet, stoic even. They thought through every word before speaking, constantly observing, always processing the world around them. It’s what made them so great at their jobs. More importantly, it’s what made them so god damn good at being the person that everyone needed them to be. It was easy to see why Clarke was so drawn to her, but it was also clear that Lexa held so much inside.

Lexa finally turned, looking at her carefully. “I know that I scare her,” she said, quietly. Just as quickly, her eyes returned to the glass in her hands. “My job scares her.”

“Your recklessness scares her,” Abby corrected, smiling to soothe the sting when Lexa looked up at her. But there was no arguing with the truth. After a long moment, Lexa sighed and nodded.

“I’m not used to having anyone to really worry about whether or not I come home.”

Abby ignored the sharp pang of sadness that struck at Lexa’s words, wanting Lexa to keep talking. Wanting to get to know this mysterious stranger who had somehow unlocked the cage around her daughter’s heart. “What about the lovely woman with you in the hospital?”

Lexa shrugged. “My sister. She was a cop. She gets it.”

“Maybe she does, but I’m sure she also wants you to get home safe and sound each night.”

Lexa nodded. “Sure. But the risks just come with the territory. It’s not like I’m going out of my way to get hurt.”

Abby hummed. “Are you sure?” She asked, gently, placing her hand on Lexa’s wrist when Lexa tensed. Carefully, she pushed up the edge of Lexa’s jacket sleeve, revealing the scarred skin that served as a constant reminder of everything Lexa wanted to forget. Lexa could still feel the warmth of Clarke’s touch on her scars the day Clarke had sat with her in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber. Abby’s eyes held the same sympathy Clarke’s had at the time. “I saw your medical file when I was checking into your heart history to decide whether or not to clear you for firefighter work.”

Lexa’s head snapped up. “You were considering not clearing me?”

“Of course I was,” Abby said with tisk. “You heart stopped on my bathroom floor.”

Lexa sighed and leaned back, barely avoiding a petulant huff. “I’m fine.”

“Yes, you are. Because someone happened to find you in time. Because Taryn was able to restart your heart. Because of sheer dumb luck,” Abby said, her rising frustrations sharpening her tone. She pointed to the scarring on Lexa’s wrist. “Those were third degree burns, were they not?”

Lexa tugged on her jacket sleeve, covering the damaged skin. The clench of her jaw was answer enough. Abby shook her head.

“I read your file, Lexa,” she said, her voice softening at the look of pain masked with fury on Lexa’s face. “I can’t imagine what you went through that night, sweetheart, but I do know what it’s like to wish it had been you instead. There’s nothing worse than watching the ones you love suffer.”

Abby didn’t have to say what Lexa already knew. The Griffins had lost a beloved family member, but there was something else. Something they were both still dealing with, and Lexa knew it had something to do with the demons that settled in Clarke’s eyes when she thought no one was looking. It made Lexa ache to have Clarke in her arms again. To hold her close and protect her from whatever pain lingered in Clarke’s heart.

Abby took Lexa’s hand into her own and squeezed it. “You are here for a reason, Lexa,” she said, earnestly. “Don’t waste this second chance. You have got to stop punishing yourself, because if you let them in, if you let them love you, it’s not you that suffers the day you don’t come home. I’ve seen the way that my granddaughter looks at you. Don’t do that to her.”

Lexa swallowed hard at the thought of breaking Ellie’s heart, and was quiet for a long moment. “I’m trying,” She finally said, barely a whisper. “I don’t want to hurt them, believe me.”

“I know you don’t, sweetheart. We just need you to start being careful.”

Lexa nodded and placed her empty glass down on the porch staring at it as the chirping of the crickets kicked up and a gentle breeze rustled through the trees lining the fence.

“Can I ask you a question?” Abby asked, peering over at Lexa, trying to catch her gaze. When Lexa looked over at her, Abby grinned. “Have you kissed her yet?”

Lexa was so stunned for a moment all she could do was gape, but then she felt the laughter bubble out of her before she could stop it. “No,” she said, shaking her head with a chuckle. “But five minutes ago I thought we were about to.”

Abby nodded, her smile growing contemplative as she looked out into the backyard. “Give her time. She’s been through a lot the last few years.”

“I want to help.”

“You already are, hon. More than you know.” Abby said, patting Lexa’s knee.

“You think so?”

“I do. Trust is not my daughter’s strong suit, but it’s there with you. I see it in her eyes when she looks at you.”

Lexa dipped her head, trying to hide both the smile and the blush that immediately leapt to her face. They both laughed when Lexa failed miserably at hiding either.

“Goodness, could you get any cuter?” Abby asked, giving Lexa’s knee a shake where her hand still rested. “My babies have a good thing going in you, I think. Don’t you let Clarke push you away.”

“That’s up to Clarke,” Lexa said with an embarrassed chuckle.

“What’s up to Clarke?” Clarke asked, stepping onto the porch. She came around the chair, her face immediately forming into concern at the sight of Lexa’s glassy eyes and red cheeks, mistking the look for distress. “Jesus, mom, what did you do?” She asked, swiftly walking up to Lexa. She took Lexa’s waist into her hands without a second thought to her mother’s company, and tugged her close. She inspected her face, nervous eyes flitting across every feature. “What did she do?”

Lexa laughed, unable to hide the joy that boiled over at the Clarke’s sweet, but possessive touch. “Nothing.”

“You were crying,” Clarke stated, frustration tugging at her tone.

“No, it’s okay. I’m happy.”

“You’re sure?”

“Of course I am. How could I not be? I got to see all of your baby pictures.”

Clarke gasped, dropping her hands and stepping away with a look of mock betrayal. “I swear to god.”

“I’m only joking,” Lexa said, reaching out to catch Clarke before she could escape too far. She reeled her back in, grinning as Clarke begrudgingly let herself be captured. “There were no pictures.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Okay,” Abby interjected, pushing up from the chair, “as fun as third wheeling this little shindig is, I’ll be calling it a night.”

“Oh, mom,” Clarke said, exasperated.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I was on my way out when Lexa came stalking through the house anyways.”

“Well, I wasn’t stalking, exactly,” Lexa said, frowning at the matching grins both Griffin women gave her.

“Whatever you want to call it,” Abby said, kissing Clarke on the cheek, then giving Lexa’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll see you two later,” she called, waving over her shoulder and disappearing into the house.

Clarke groaned and let her forehead fall to Lexa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry about her.”

“TDon’t be,” Lexa said with a fond chuckle, looking down at where Clarke rested against her arm. “Ellie okay?”

Clarke hummed. “Fast asleep.”

“How about you? Doing okay?”

Clarke nodded, still not moving from Lexa’s side. Lexa was solid and warm, and the evening breeze had turned chilly as the night wore on. As if reading her mind, Lexa turned, gathering Clarke into her arms and pulling her into a hug.

Without thinking, Clarke pressed closer, nuzzling her cheek once against the soft fabric of Lexa’s jersey. She inhaled, taking in Lexa’s distinct scent. She smelled both like fresh laundry and bonfire, and it’s familiarity was instantly soothing. When Lexa’s han swept up her spine, then into her hair, cradling the back of her head as she gently massaged her scalp, Clarke nearly purred.

“Thank you,” she sighed.

“For what?”

Clarke shrugged. What could she say? Thank you for making the world feel safe? Thank you for being so good to Ellie? Thank you for those wonderful eyes and beautiful smile that made her heart skip a beat? She turned her head, pressing a kiss to the strong muscles beneath Lexa’s collar bones. “For everything,” she decided, pulling back to look up at the woman that had changed so much of her life in so little time.

[lingeringscars]

bellamy’s mindset through the show can basically be broken up into 3 parts: we save who we can save (s1-4, 6), the ends justify the means (5), and sacrificing the few to save the many (7). there are caveats to all of this: in s1-4, bellamy will put the life of octavia over everyone else. in season 5, spacekru is where his loyalties lie and who he is willing to protect above all else, but only after his relationship with both octavia and clarke is severed. in season 7 this just isn’t true anymore. he’s trying to save everyone, not just his people, and he isn’t willing to run into situations that would get himself killed to save them anymore. it was the start of him learning how to balance himself and what he wants/believes in ( for once ) with the interests of the people he loves. for the first time ever, the few include his family. prior to that, he was willing to do anything for them, willing to die and kill, and it was just what could have been a conclusion to his arc because finally finally finding self love and not putting everything he is in others. that’s all i’m gonna say about s7 bc .. yeah. 

in early seasons, he also focuses more on protecting his people as a way to justify his choices. i once read a post talking about how bellamy says protect and clarke says save, and I think that does a good job at hinting where his mindset is. bellamy takes preemptive action as a way to try and protect his people. he can’t see 89 steps ahead of him, he only sees what is directly in front of him. this inability to look ahead and focus on saving who is in front of him has indirectly caused the deaths of multiple people -- and because it’s bellamy he of course blames himself for them too but it’s not something he thinks of until confronted with it. 

season 1

i don’t really have a lot of examples for s1 because it’s really .. a lot of protecting octavia & himself

hanging murphy is one though. when they discover murphy’s knife, i do believe bellamy put the pieces together before everyone else. i’ve talked a bit before about that and how based off what’s been shown, i think he was going to talk to murphy when they were alone instead of outright. this is also one of my examples when i think about how bellamy & abby have a similar leadership style. he’s more willing to keep that a secret because he understands how people will response - and he ends up being right. instead of blaming himself for this though, he transfers the blame onto clarke because he didn’t want people to know for this exact reason. he at that point had also put trust and faith in murphy and would have wanted to protect him from that, but by the time he hangs him, he has to choose between murphy and the rest of the delinquents. the delinquents are more important to keeping octavia safe if they’re on his side, and he has to go through with it. flash forward, and his relationship with murphy becomes increasingly contentious because murphy then leads the manhunt against charlotte. charlotte, to him, is just an innocent kid and he can’t handle murphy being willing to go after a child ( basically insert misplaced big brother feelings ). he feels the intense need to protect charlotte, even when it comes out that she’s guilty, and that goes first.

destroying the radio. this was a big protect himself ( and therefore protect o because he still believes he’s the only one that can ) moment. if raven could contact the ark and let them know that they’re all alive, then he’s as good as dead. he doesn’t know about the culling of the ark, at least not that it’s happening now. even still, clarke saying that it’s his people ( factory station ) that will die... isn’t on his mind. he knows that’s true, knows that it’ll be his people and not the elite. the beginning of s1 is rooted in his focus on the power dynamics on the ark in this way and it’s how he connects with the delinquents. by destroying the radio, he effectively signs the death warrants of 300 people. while he does try to stop this by showing them where he threw the radio and working on setting flares off, it’s another way that bellamy indirectly kills people because of his desire to protect (himself and) octavia. 

focus on the number dead vs alive. this is just a big bellamy thing especially earlier on. bellamy focuses on the number dead when they’re leaving camp, and clarke has to correct him to the number that are still alive. the delinquents at this point are his people, and he has felt every death ( she only came because of me ). his focus is on the people he couldn’t save, and that continues going into season 2

season 2

mel. when faced with mel, bellamy says that they don’t know how if their people are still alive, but they can save this one girl. this really begins his we save who we can save today mindset, and he focuses on the fact that they can help her when the odds are insurmountable. 

infiltrating mount weather + protecting echo. the 100 are his people; it doesn’t matter what the risks are because he’s doing what he can to bring them back and get them out. while in mount weather, other people become his people, such as maya. it’s also another moment where bellamy has to kill someone in order to escape the cages ( a direct threat to himself and others there ). bellamy has no reason to trust or protect echo at this point because he’s just come out of the war with the grounders and still prejudiced against them, and yet when they come at her, he makes noise so they take him ( the strong ) instead. he does what he has to to ensure that she’s protected for the time being, and then she helps him in return. killing the mount weather guard didn’t completely hit him until he saw the son of the person he killed, having to confront that there are children in mount weather and that the person he killed had people that needed him. 

pulling the lever. bellamy focuses on the people that have helped him and the children in mount weather as people that need to be saved too. they helped him so there has to be another way. it’s hearing raven being tortured and seeing that octavia will be too that makes him change his mind and help clarke because he sees that they don’t have time. as much as the other’s have helped him, they aren’t his people. octavia is his responsibility and he needs to make sure he protects her first. 

season 3

the massacre. i’m only going to focus on this here because it’s really the main thing but also brings him back into the we save who we can save. he asked gina to stay back to protect her, thinking she’d be safer there. he spent early s3 focused on finding and bringing clarke back as well. bellamy is also still recovering from having to kill people in mount weather because of lexa’s betrayal, and because of his prejudices, he lumps all grounders into one and is unable to see that azgeda blew up mount weather, not trikru. when lexa sends trikru warriors to protect them, he doesn’t believe the intentions because the last time they were there to help them, they made a deal with the enemy and turned their backs. they’re always going to put their people first. so is bellamy. the entire time he backs pike, it’s focusing on protecting their people. he doesn’t go into the massacre thinking that he wants to kill people, tries to get pike to spare the women and children and does convince him to spare indra ( i honestly don’t remember what the reasoning was but i think it has to do with her importance to octavia and at this point lincoln too ). he thinks that he’s protecting his people before they can get killed. this is a shift from the past two seasons too, which obviously influence this because he didn’t strike first in season 1 or against the mountain men in s2 and it led to the deaths of some of the delinquents and torture of raven. act first and he doesn’t have to live in fear of them attacking first, and thus convincing himself that he’s protecting everyone. 

season 4

blowing up the hydrogenator. this is one of the best examples of bellamy being unable to think ahead. outside of his intense faith in raven, he thinks they have six months to figure something else out. he sees the suffering in those people now. he can’t do anything about praimfaya, but he can save the people here. they’re being forced to work, they’re going to be moved, and a little girl tells him all of this. he sees the suffering and has to act ( how many people do you have to save before you forgive yourself ). these people had one day, but by saving them, the skaikru survival number has gone from 500 to 100. raven and clarke are able to see that he just sentenced all of these people to death, but bellamy sees that he gave them another day to live. 

opening the bunker. octavia above everyone else. clarke is telling him what the consequences of opening the bunker would be, but he can’t focus on that because octavia is on the other side of the bunker. it’s not just octavia though because kane is out there too. by opening the bunker, bellamy is again sentencing 400 people to death, and he again doesn’t view it this way. he sees that octavia and kane will die if he doesn’t. by doing this he also inadvertently saved 600 more people, which matters after the time jump.  

protecting echo. this !! is the moment that sparked this entire thing. it’s so subtle but when emori’s suit breaks, bellamy steps in front of echo and stops murphy from taking it. it’s another one of those moments where by doing this, he effectively sentenced emori to death. it’s not that he was trying to do this, and while i also use this moment as a way to show that b/echo always had a foundation even if bellamy pretended like they didn’t, it’s also just that he knows echo. anyway, if murphy takes echo’s suit, echo will die. bellamy steps in front with that mindset, not that by not letting murphy do this, emori dies.

season 5

threatening the lives of 300 inmates. not much has changed huh. bellamy threatening 300 people for the life of 1 ( who it’s important to note he originally thought was octavia ). octavia still comes first even after six years in space. upon finding out that clarke is alive, he doesn’t change his strategy because ... well.. she’s alive. he then uses this as leverage to save the rest of his people -- which at this stage, now includes wonkru just not in that train of thought. when it comes to saving the people in the bunker, he wants them all saved. even if o is still the priority at this point. 

killing kara. ends justify the means. taking lives to save them. the difference is that now bellamy actually views it this way. it isn’t just about protecting his people, he’s acknowledging that he is killing them. he is sacrificing the few to save the many. the only reason why he isn’t completely in this mindset is because he’s trying to save octavia from herself. it’s the beginning stages of sacrificing his own people though, which was never an option prior to season 5. he was willing to do anything for those he had promised to protect, and kara was originally skaikru. now, she was completely wonkru but bellamy didn’t want to believe that wonkru was completely the enemy and that his sister was still in there somewhere ( this didn’t change until after she burned the farm because he would never be able to forgive her willingness to sacrifice her own people when there was another option. when peace was an option. he is entirely unable to see octavia’s perspective and why she needs to be out of the bunker. he’s had peace the past six years, even if not peace of mind, unlike octavia and so he only sees that there is another way ). 

poisoning o + putting the chip in madi. prior to s5, he never would have poisoned o. he always thought that she would wake up and that they would have peace and she would understand. honestly prior to s5, putting the chip in madi probably also wouldn’t have been an option because of her age. this time he actually can see ahead more than he could before space, but he still doesn’t anticipate what does happen. he’s willing to betray clarke because honestly he thinks she’s overreacting. he still doesn’t think octavia will harm madi and he believes this is the only way to save them all. he’s terrified when it looks like madi might not wake up / take to the flame. ( and honestly part of why he can forgive clarke quickly is bc of this - he put her daughter in danger and he once upon a time would have done anything for o. ). putting madi at risk was a necessary risk to him though because it meant that all of their people might survive. he knows that the rest of his family is in danger if this doesn’t work, so it’s also putting spacekru above everyone else, and in the end he does decide them over o and clarke.

season 6

casting octavia out. while in s5 he had decided that his people specifically were spacekru, casting octavia out was because she was a threat to all of them. she had walked them into a war that destroyed earth, and after monty and harper died, he takes doing better to heart. he hasn’t forgiven himself for his actions on earth, many of which were to protect octavia, and his first action on sanctum is deciding that octavia is a threat that needs to be contained. she isn’t someone he knows anymore, and she is a threat to his family and everyone else. it’s not an easy decision, but he is deciding that she needs to go to keep everyone else safe from her. if octavia had died, it would have been another indirect death as a result of his actions, which i think he knows. i also think he blames octavia for monty & harper because if she hadn’t forced them into war, earth never would have been destroyed and they wouldn’t have spent their entire lives trying to find a new home for them. he isn’t going to let octavia threaten what monty and harper left for them.  

clarke. i don’t remember a lot of s6 but he does backslide into putting one above all. he does try for peace prior to finding out clarke is alive, but clarke brings up all of these feelings in him about protection in general. he’s already cast out octavia, lost harper and monty, and he’s grieved clarke before. he can’t go through that again, so they come up with a plan. when it goes south, he still looks to echo for confirmation that she can handle it. when she gives him permission, he leaves. he no longer thinks about the people he left behind because all he can see is that clarke will die. if he doesn’t take action, she WILL die. he believes in echo and thinks that she can handle herself and so the people he left behind.. they’re safe in his head but clarke isn’t. he also partially blames himself for this because he should have known clarke would be a target and didn’t do anything. clarke is the person that needs to be saved and the one he knows that they can. when he finds out that that aren’t safe, he works to make sure that they will be.  

[the-two-headed-deer-survived]

The 12 Clans vs Ark Station: Nuance

I’m honestly not fond of grounders as a whole or their society, and basically this is to explain where a lot of that stems from.

So, basically this “essay” is going to compare the society of the 12 Clans (grounders)* to that of the Ark Station. The worldbuilding around the ark station is complex; everything surrounding the grounder’s culture boils down to violence or revenge.

The Citizens of the Ark:

The society and government of the Ark were deeply flawed: its one child policy, classism, “all crimes are capital crimes”, teenaged criminals are basically kept on death row for months or years until they can be executed, its willingness to sacrifice the few for the sake of the many. But we see aspects of their culture beyond that; I’m not even arguing that they’re redeeming characteristics, just that the worldbuilding is nuanced and the society doesn’t seem completely awful.

Democracy

The Ark has a functioning democracy. Former Chancellor Sidney was voted out of power, so Chancellor is not a position held for life and the Ark’s democracy is functional enough that Chancellors can be voted out by the people

The fact that theoretically the people of the Ark could vote in a Chancellor whose campaign centered on say, repealing the one child policy (or at the very least, pardoning anyone who breaks it); idk it just adds nuance to me that the people have power and that at least many of them support the Ark’s draconian policies- it’s not all the government being tyrannical

They have very limited resources and thus everyone’s use of resources is limited- even the Chancellors

As we see from early season 1 after Jaha is shot, everyone- including the Chancellor, the most powerful person on the Ark- has a “legal limit” on the amount of blood and other medical resources that doctors are allowed to give them. The fact that there’s at least some equality in their harsh system

Religion

We see some of a religious service held by Vera Kane, and we see how their religion centers around the small tree they have, which followers water with drops of their own water

(And we see Nygel dismiss this as “a waste of water”; like in real life, not everyone is religious)

The Traveller’s Blessing, which we see used as funeral rites

I think it’s interesting the insights you can take from it- “until our final journey to the ground” echoes Clarke’s “man can go home, back to the ground. The ground, that's the dream”; I get a sense they as a society long to go “home” to the ground, viewing the Ark as almost a liminal place  

Unity Day

We see one of their holidays- Unity Day, as well how they celebrate it- we see both a Unity Day pageant and a Unity Day masquerade dance 

Unity Day celebrates the founding of the Ark, and their Unity Day story told in the pageant gives some insight into their values (”they realized life would be better together“) and thus their culture

Chess

In a flashback, we see Clarke and Wells playing chess in a rec room surrounded by other people playing chess. So, we get at least a small glimse at what the people of the Ark do for fun

The black market

This one isn’t necessarily a positive, but through Nygel (and Raven trying to buy a pressure regulator from her) we see some of the common people subverting the laws of the Council; the people aren’t powerless. (And it makes it feel more like a real society).

Plus, Abby states that “Kane’s been trying to get [Nygel] for years”, indicating that their justice system requires at least some proof

Education

Obviously, the people of the Ark have an education system/have been educated, but I feel like it’s important to note that they’re passing down information beyond what’s necessary for survival- Bellamy’s numerous references to the greeks/romans, Monty knew Korean, Bellamy and Clarke know about Oppenheimer, Clarke was probably taught by someone how to draw, etc.

Yes, the Ark has a class problem, but everyone gets an education

Well’s quote: “ It's called cutting sign. Fourth-year earth skills”; we get a glimpse into their education system   

There’s probably more, but you can see how the Ark feels like a real society with a flesh-out culture; with both good and bad elements.

The 12 Clans:

Really, my main issue with grounder culture is how everything stems back to violence and revenge, and how highly violence and revenge is held. There are the obvious, of course: Jasper the unarmed teenager is speared for crossing a river, Anya reacts to the flare killing Trikru villagers by attacking barely armed teenagers in the woods and then deciding to wipe out all 100 of the teenagers, “death by a 1000 cuts”, the fact that Finn’s execution was supposed to start with fire, Lexa reacts to Skaikru killing army of Trikru soliders (so from the same people that only months ago tried to wipe out the 100) by declaring that she’ll wipe out Skaikru (despite the fact that she knows that had lost that challenge/duel only days ago, that same army would’ve been used by Ontari to wipe out Skaikru). There’s more (so much more) but I’ll stop there.

And like, this would be one thing if the grounders had a culture outside of violence and revenge. Or valued other things besides how good people at fighting. But we don’t see that at all. Every worldbuilding element stems back to violence.

“Your fight is over”

Even their funeral rites tie back to violence; peoples’ lives are defined by fighting and wars, and the only way to escape is to die

The Commander

The Commander is a tyrant who can murder ambassadors- and thus, presumably anyone- without consequence (see Lexa and that guy she kicked off the tower for questioning her)

Religion

So mid season 3, we start learning about grounder’s beliefs (Becca, the inifity sign as the sacred symbol, praimfaya), but surprise! it’s all about violence after all

Who gets the Flame (which is basically the be all and end all of their religion) is decided by a conclave aka children fighting to the death

That’s the cornerstone of their religion (and also their political system- fun); children fighting each other to the death

Fleimkepas- the priests basically- go around kidnapping nightblood children from their parents and then the head fleimkepa raises them to kill each other when the time comes

(Yes, I’m sure some parents voluntarily gave their nightblood children up, but Madi’s parents felt the need to hide her from fleimkepas, meaning they take nightblood children with or without their parents’ consent) 

“Love is weakness”

This really tells you a lot about their values, doesn’t it

“A warrior does not mourn until the fight is over”

War > love/family/personal connections

Children train from a young age to be warriors, and are sent into battle as young teenagers

Infants with mutations are left out to die as “a stain on the bloodline”

Wanheda

You gain power from your kills

Kill marks

Language

Even the language, trigedasleng, (per word of god) was supposed to have started out as a code language used by the warriors (which makes no sense, as it’s also the universal language of the 12 clans now, but I digress) (sidenote: this might now longer be true now that we know the language was created by Callie)

Only the warriors speak English (which also makes no sense because trigedasleng is the universal grounder language why do the warriors need to know English at all, but that’s canon, Lincoln said it early season 2), which might indicate the warriors get better education (or more likely is just bad worldbuilding)

All the leaders are warriors

The tattoos/facial scarring

They’re used to distinguish the clans, but as we recently learned in season 7, that the meaning behind them (for Azgeda, at least) is that they’re ready to go to war

And like, even if it was just to signify membership in your clan, given how the clans seem to be constantly at war, it almost seems like just a way to identify “us vs. them” (see: Echo, as an Azgeda spy, didn’t have any facial scars or tattoos)

Medicine

Most of what we know about their knowledge of medicine/biology is from how they use ‘medicine’ for war: Lincoln’s poisons and antidotes, trikru’s use of biological warfare in season 1

The clothing

You cannot convince me that the Grounder Look (all the black leather that they wear) is not just for the Badass Warrior Aesthetic TM  

To be fair they do burn their dead, occasionally name people after local pre-apocalpyse landmarks, and have clan symbols. But really isn’t enough worldbuilding-wise.

So, violence surrounds almost every aspect of their culture and thus it does not seem real or anything but irredeemably awful.

And yeah, it’s really the fault writers’ and I applaud fanfic writers who try to create some sort of actual culture for the grounders but like this is what we canonically have and thus, grounder society annoys me. 

  *I’m excluding Luna and her people from this; they were explicitly described as trying to get away from the 12 Clans/the Commander’s Coalition and its wars and culture of violence

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E12

quarantine: may 31 2020

season 2 episode 12: “Rubicon”

the guy is running. watch he just die and no one gets clarkes message. i would love it if clarkes plane just backfired but of course they save him. 

ok but wait why was cage just random carrying a oxygen tank when he himself doesnt even need one.

tsing out here with her own personal army. then just plucking these kids one by one. damn 

these grounders really be listening to clarke just because lexa said so?? damn these grounders be loyal minus gustus and that one guy that tried to kill clarke but then got eaten by king kong

is raven really the only person out here doing all this crap?? like does clarke not realize how big of an ask shes asking of raven? raven is magic and shit but she has some limitations just to be somewhat realistic. just chill the fuck out clarke raven is doing the best out here arguably more than clarke.

i love how bellamy is still wearing that hat still looking like sean malto. but also how has someone not noticed him? but i guess bellamy like joe from you as in if he wears a hat he magically blends in.

“...all of this is for nothing” way to put pressure on prettyboy bellamy like he didnt already know that. chill clarke everyone is trying their best out here. ngl i would hate to have clarke as a manager cuz i think she would micromanage the shit out of people. 

remember in the last episode when clarke asked what her job was well i think that i figured it out:

i also wanna mention that finn literally died idk less than a week ago but clarkes in charge being out and about commanding people years her senior. i get that we had that whole episode dedicated to how finns death affects clarke but still she got over that pretty quick. a little too quick. but i guess that if youre a sky person your emotional metabolism is just through the fucking roof...

ooo clarke still be salty toward her mom. but yeah kane is kinda an enabler

but why do these people have clear paper. the art department is feeling themselves on that one. like is it because they wanted to be edgy and futuristic or is it from an actual realistic viewpoint that the space people dont have trees to create paper................does this also mean that the space people didnt have toilet paper???????? but also back to the paper thing did these kids never learn how to write in cursive??? since i would imagine actual writing utensils are limited so idk if they waste it on teaching kids cursive. actually tho does anyone have an answer to these questions??? 

where did jaha get that antler stick. i kinda want one. i like to imagine that he just saw it lying somewhere on their way to the desert and said to himself i would look epic holding that stick and then went to pick up and started using it even tho he doesnt actually need a walking stick....any hunter x hunter fans?

jaha’s mask at 8:29 is an example of what not to wear during corona season

“thanks for the water?”...while looking down a bit flustered ”its, uh..it was no problem” emori and murphy? ship?

bellamy crawling through air vents to save the day...magenta from sky high who??

also bellamy’s ear piece is giving me everything. *i know that the following meme is just a tiny phone but i just really like it so idgaf

again with the inaccuracy of bone marrow extraction.

but what really gets me is clarke recognizing what procedure is going o just by the sound of a drill. ok who is she? she be like the boy that can identify a vacuum just by the sound. For those that don’t know what I’m talking about:

https://youtu.be/Ar5nLNku0CM

A missile?? where did these people get a missile

But also imagine if clarke was like actually i didn’t catch any of that conversation and bellamy just had to recap it like Luis in ant-man. I would die

thats a lot to ask of raven clarke. Like i could never get that shit done no matter how long you gave me. Yeah ppl be screwed if i was part of the 100

That hug btw Clarke and raven...ship? Jk i know it was just a friendship hug but yah can never know with these writers. Like i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the writers said enemies (being part of that love triangle with finn) to friends to lovers

murphy and emori are definitly a ship. walking together behind with everyone else. Murphy said “i killed two people. I had my reasons but nobody cared.” Fuck you murphy you killed them cuz you a salty bitch. I also hate how he says this so blasé. Like dude want?? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Murphy also said im the bad guy. Murphy is a billie elish fan?? Duh.

woah when that girl pulled out her claw????? I fell out of my seat. its actually huge. she could grab a whole basket all. They did a great job concealing/ not drawing attention to her hand before like i was so fucking surprised.

“Its pretty badass” and murphy looking at that claw tho...murphy is into kinky shit. But also that look he gave her while she walked away that was the most genuine look I’ve ever seen out of murphy.

Bellamy shoving jasper into a wall and whispering...bellamy and jasper? ship?

this secret talk between bellamy and Dante....bellamy and president Dante? ship?

But i also like to imagine that during this meeting that bellamy has the song dont be suspious. Dont be suspious playing in his head

woah. Mountain man said inconito mode activated. Reminds me of one of those green soldiers in toy story especially during the opening scene of i think the first movie

This character development in clarke is something else like remember when she talked about the grounders wanting finn out in the open and not in private causing a huge public uproar. Look at her now talking in private with Lexa about the missile. Phenomenal character growth if you ask me.

they really put all their eggs in one basket with bellamy. But bellamy be a really good basket tho. Trust Lexa trust.

where tf did this guy get an RPG??

Woah Emori be the real bad guy. But honestly she could slit Murphy’s throat and he would still live because cockroaches can still live without their head.

raven you should have just shut up. You really dropped the ball there.

lincoln???? What are the chances??? Isn’t he still a druggie?? Honestly octavias little speech would not motivate me at all. If anything it would make me want to take more drugs. At this point i would just say to Lincoln “dont fight it”

i like how they took everything but they let jaha keep his stick.

caspian is reall dressed like a hipster that sells artisanal kombucha

Jaha really has some faith in murphy...jaha and murphy? ship?

Also that was a really good shot of them murphy, jaha, and their crew climbing up the hill with a giant moon in the background

Lexa is giving me padme vibez wearing that head scarf like that

they were going to let kane and indra die

yeah sorry to break it to you abby but your child is a killer but then again so are you sooo..you really cant be out here to judge your kid like that. Like mother like daughter. But you really cant lecture clarke on this. you literally gave your husband up and you let your daughter blame her best friend for it. And on top of this you were part of the council that sent 100 kid down to earth without even knowing if earth was survivable. ma’m get the fuck outta here.

but all those lives for bellamy. i think its worth it. Because bellamy is worth everything.

theyre linking arms they got monty no!! absolutely not. they took jasper but i gotta say better he than monty bc Monty is king. Yeah jasper really fumbled with that gun. Really not smart. jasper should have just shot tsing instead

Oof a containment breach. wow what an epic door stop. Sooo loong tsing. That was such a cruel death tho but yeah she kinda deserved it.

Does Dante play the cello?? A real renaissance man isn’t he?

wow this makes octaiva and lincoln like an epic couple that conquered the world. power couple. Goals *gag* but ok does that mean that Lincoln just stopped cold turkey just like that?? Hes just automatically better? No this is not how drug addiction works. But ok sure Jan.

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1: I’m ready now

Chapter 2: The 13th clan

Chapter 3: Soulmates

As Clarke exits the room, leaving her mother and Kane to get ready for the ceremony, she's told by the guards that Lexa is waiting for her in the throne room. She smiles at the idea of being in her presence again, but her smile fades away as soon as she remembers Abby’s. Don’t expect me to be ok with this. It doesn’t matter how bad Clarke wants to convince herself that she’s not a kid anymore, hence she doesn’t need her mother. She’s always going to care about Abby’s opinion, and she really wishes for her mom to be approving and happy for her right now. But unfortunately, that’s not how Abby feels. That's really the thing about her mother: she always says Clarke can talk to her, but she never really listens to, or understands, what her daughter has to say. Oh well, whatever, she might not be able to change her mom, but at least she can tell Lexa it worked...

"Clarke?" Lexa asks from her throne when she sees her entering the room with tear tracks on her cheeks and a blank expression. Clarke seems too busy worrying her mind with whatever it is that's bothering her that she doesn’t even notice Lexa’s presence. Actually, the Commander is pretty sure Clarke doesn’t even realize where she is right now. Not understanding what the hell is going on, Lexa can’t help but become worried as she moves to stand from her throne. She walks towards Clarke, who has yet to look at her, and tries again to get the girl’s attention.

"Clarke? Clarke, what's wrong?" Only when Lexa places a hand on her shoulder does Clarke finally raise her head to look at Lexa. She’s almost surprised to see her standing in front of her, and she darts her eyes around the room as if to figure out where she is.

Clarke’s confusion only makes Lexa worry even more. "Clarke, what happened? Did your mother disagree to join the coalition?"

Clarke looks back at Lexa for a moment before closing the distance between them, embracing the other girl tightly in her arms. Lexa is left dumbstruck for a second, still trying to understand what’s the meaning of Clarke’s strange behavior. But she soon collects herself, returning the hug just as fiercely.

"My mother said yes." Clarke mumbles after a while. "We'll become the 13th clan."

"I knew I was right to have faith in you." Lexa smiles as she leans down to place a soft kiss on Clarke's hair. Her words, though, only manage to bring more tears to Clarke’s eyes.

As soon as Lexa feels the wetness on the skin of her neck, her smile falters and worry overcomes her again. She gently leans back so she can look her in the eyes. Clarke feels so vulnerable right now she can't even bring her gaze up to meet Lexa’s. Of course, she knows she'd only be finding understanding in those beautiful green eyes, but she still can’t get herself to look up at her. Since Clarke doesn’t move, Lexa places her hands on both her cheeks, and starts wiping the tears away with her thumbs. Then, very gently, she starts tilting the girl's head up. "Please, tell me what's wrong. Why are you crying?"

Shaking her head and chuckling lightly at the emotional mess that she is, Clarke places a hand on her cheek over Lexa’s. “I'm sorry. It's just... It's stupid, really. Don't worry about it." She attempts a smile, but that doesn’t seem to be convincing enough for Lexa.

"It's not stupid if it made you cry. You can tell me. You know I won't judge you." She strokes her thumb over Clarke’s cheek to reassure her even more.

"That's the thing. You don't ever judge me.” Clarke starts saying as she moves away from Lexa’s touch. “You’ve always placed your faith in me, even when we were just two strangers to each other. You've always been reluctant to trust other people, but for some reason, you've always trusted me.” Lexa looks at her with a look of confusion, not understanding where this is going. “After killing Finn, I was drowning in my own guilt. But then you came around and told me about Costia. You told me love was weakness, and… I knew you were wrong. I did. But I still believed you hard enough to be able put myself back together.” Clarke comes back to stand right in front of Lexa before finishing. “I don’t know how you do it. But you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better."

Now Lexa's eyes are watery as well. All she’s ever wanted was for Clarke to be okay, and knowing her words helped feel better just makes her the happiest person in the world.

"Your mother's only ever seen the Commander’s side of me. Give her time, she'll come round at some point.” Lexa looks down and takes Clarke’s hand into hers. she remains focused on their joined hands or a moment, then she looks back up at Clarke with determination in her eyes. “I'll make sure she knows I'm more than just the heartless Commander who abandoned you at Mount Weather."

"You're not heartless, Lexa. You're quite possibly the most caring person I've ever met. You care about each every one of your people with all your heart. you care about me. And I know deep down you care about my people too.” A warm smile appears on her face as she speaks the next words. “And once again, you knew exactly what was bothering me, and what I needed to hear to feel better. I don’t think a heartless person would be able to that.” Lexa returns the smile as Clarke cups her cheek and wipes away a tear with her thumb.  

They stay like that for a little while, until Clarke decides to close the distance between them, embracing Lexa in a warm hug. Not letting go of the other woman, Clarke whispers softly in her ear. “I think you’re my soulmate, Leksa kom Trikru.”

“Soulmate?”

“Yeah. It’s… like a best friend. But more.” Clarke moves out of the embrace so she can face Lexa as she explains. “I mean, you’re the one person in the world who knows me better than anyone else. You even make me a better person. Because you inspire me… to be better.” Clarke pauses briefly, giving Lexa time for her words to sink in. “I know, you're the one person I will carry with me forever. Cuz… Lexa, you’re the only one who knows me, and accepts me, and believes in me, before anyone else does. Or when no one else will." Clarke places her hand back on Lexa’s cheeks as she stares straight into her eyes to say the last part. "Ai hod yu in, Leksa kom Trikru. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever. Nothing could change that." And with that she leans in and kisses Lexa with all the love she can convey.

They kiss slowly until they need to part for air. Keeping her forehead pressed to Clarke’s, Lexa finally finds her voice again to let the woman know how she feels. "I love you too, Klark kom Skaikru."

Not that Clarke needed to hear it anyway. Of course, she knows Lexa feels the same way about her, she’d known that from the moment she told her "Not everyone. Not you.". But still, it’s really nice to hear her say the actual words. The grins appearing on both their faces in the moment are so big they could as well light up the whole city in the darkest of nights. Their eyes get watery again as they lean in to kiss on more time. It's just quick a kiss, but it carries nonetheless all the love they feel for each other. Plus, they’ll have plenty of time to kiss once the ceremony is over, and the deal with Skaikru is sealed.

Speaking of, Clarke suddenly realizes that she doesn't really know how said ceremony will work. All she knows for sure is that she’ll have to bow to the Commander of the 12clans, but besides that she’s clueless. That’s why she decides to take advantage of the moment to ask Lexa for more details.

"So about-"

"Maybe we should-"

They start at the same time, blushing and cutting themselves short. They look at each other in silence for a little while, neither wanting to speak first. Finally, Clarke takes the initiative and starts talking again.

"About tonight's ceremony... I... I don't really know what we're supposed to do. To become the 13th clan, I mean." The timid look on Clarke's face makes Lexa smile in amusement. The girl is so adorable. How can she and Wanheda be the same person is beyond her understanding.

"Well... Wanheda is expected to bow to the Commander in display of the fact that your power is now joined with mine. Then, to symbolize our union, the leader of Skaikru needs to be marked with the coalition's emblem."

"And that's going to be either my mom or Kane.” Clarke says in a defeated tone. “There's no way they’ll never recognize me as their leader…"

"Well, actually… That might be a good thing..." Seeing Clarke's questioning look, Lexa continues to explain. "We need an ambassador from each clan to stay here in Polis. And I was thinking... I thought that maybe you could be the ambassador for Skaikru.”

A smirk appears on Clarke’s face as she speaks. "Is that your way of asking me to move in with you, Heda?"

"Maybe. I mean… Would you? Stay here in Polis with me?"

"Remember when outside Mount Weather you asked me what I wanted, and I said nothing?" Lexa hums in affirmation and Clarke continues. "You said I should've come with you to the Capital, that Polis would've changed the way I thought about you."

"And you said I already had."

Clarke's gives her a confirming nod. "I might not have been ready to be with you at the time, but of one thing I’m sure. I was already deeply, madly in love with you, Heda." Clarke moves closer to Lexa, and takes hold of her hand. After intertwining their fingers, she goes on talking. "I do know what I want now, Lexa. I want you. It doesn’t matter where I live… here or in Arkadia… I just wanna be with you. You are my home."

"Your people might not be very happy with your choice to stay here."

"I don’t care. Everything I ever did on the ground has been for my people. I’d like be selfish for once and do something for me. I mean, I love them, but… I'm kind of tired of fighting for their lives as I can barely survive in the meantime. Maybe it's time you and I get to live too. Don't you think we've earned that?”

"Maybe we have." It's barely above a whisper, but Clarke hears it loud and clear. And with that, she moves in to kiss Lexa one more time. 

"You sent for me?"

"Yes. Octavia has nothing to fear from me. I do trust you, Clarke."

"I know how hard that is for you."

"You think our ways are harsh, but that's how we survive."

"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Don't we deserve better than that?"

"Maybe we do."

Yeah. They definitely do. 

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

[kl4us4]

THE RED STRING

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Summary: According to the myth of the Red String, the gods tie an invisible red cord around the ankles of those that are destined to meet one another. On the ground, everything is different and the rules are non existent. In the midst of a war, this is how Bellamy Blake discovered that red string.

Song: love will tear us apart - evelyn evelyn

masterlist // TRS masterlist

PREVIOUSLY... What if this is the end of your story? Will the universe continue writing the path you need to follow… or does it all just end suddenly and quietly without another word?

“Oh, thank god.” Comes the muttering from the entrance of the cave.

“Murphy.” Bellamy states roughly, eyeing the man who limps into the cave, holding his shoulder, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.”

“You’d probably die trying,” Murphy responds back, gazing at how horrible Bellamy looks, “You really look like shit, Bellamy.”

Bellamy glares at the boy who was once his trusted second in command. Now he’s someone who brought the downfall of the 100. “I’m getting better by the hour. And when I am better, you better be out of my sight.” Bellamy promises.

“Calm down, both of you,” Clarke orders, looking between the two tense men, “We’re lucky to be out of there, don’t kill each other now.”

“Yeah. Some luckier than most.” Bellamy spits back, voice full of hate. How could no one be there for you? He doesn’t understand.

“Where is the smart-mouth, then?” Murphy wonders, looking around. 

Then, suddenly, like the sound of a gunshot ripping through the air at great speed, there’s a scream outside. Finn’s eyes rush to Murphy. “Who did you bring with you?” 

Murphy frowns, confused. “No one. I thought Y/N had escaped... her cell was empty.”

“Were you followed?” Clarke asks him intensely, stepping towards the entrance. 

“N-No,” Murphy admits, not even convincing himself. Bellamy gives him a look, furrowing his eyebrows. Murphy thinks about how he escaped... they just let him go... Murphy keeps quiet about that fact but nevertheless continues, “Well how would I know if I were followed?”

“I’m gonna kill him.” Bellamy sighs, rubbing his hand over his features.

“God, Murphy.” Clarke sighs, “Don’t you get tired of coming back and causing problems?”

“Don’t you get tired of letting your friends die?” Murphy throws back, his eyes never leaving Clarkes, she doesn’t respond. She can’t. “Isn’t that why one of us is missing right now?”

Tension fills the room, another shout erupts but quieter now. Lower. As if it’s dying out. “Can we press pause on this so we can save another life?” Bellamy states, moving the conversation from you and onto the person outside.

“It could be a trap,” Abby states, advising against going outside.

“Or it could be one of our people.” Bellamy shrugs, pulling himself up and stepping towards the outside world. Finn places a hand on Bellamy’s back, holding the man up better so he doesn’t collapse. “Let me go.” He begs, breathless.

Finn doesn’t have to speak, he just gives Bellamy a look and the taller man sits down, defeated, trying not to cough his lungs out. Clarke, placing a hand on Finn's shoulder, “We’ll check it out, everyone else stay put.” 

You can’t breathe. You can barely even see. But you know it’s bright wherever you are. And green. Wherever you are is uncomfortable and cold. But someone places a hand on you, and you can’t help but shout and try to get away. It’s Lexa, you know it. This is just one of her twisted forms of torture.

“Hey, hey, hey,” The man's voice is calm and quiet, you look up through blurry eyes.

“Finn.” You cry, squeezing your eyes shut in case this is some kind of joke. “You can’t be here... Lexa, she - she‘s-”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Clarke states, placing her hand on your wrist and a look of distress on her face, “We have to get you to Bellamy. It’ll be okay.”

You pause, just looking at her for a second. “Bellamy’s alive?” You gasp, thanking whatever higher power there is. “He’s alive. H-How is he?”

“You’ll see him now,” Finn smiles, trying not to take Clarke's terrified tone too harshly after she checked your pulse. And now, you’re being helped up. None of you realises that you have a pair of eyes watching your every move. “You’ll see Bellamy now,” Finn repeats, convincing himself.

Inside the cave, everything feels as though it’s in slow motion when Clarke and Finn bring your body in, laying you down beside the fire. Bellamy can’t breathe and it’s not just because of the sickness now. God, he feels like he can’t move. He can’t believe what he’s seeing. 

Bellamy can’t stand the very sight of you. Feeling his entire stomach turn, he knows it’s not because he’s ill. It’s because he looks down at your figure, all red and very still. And Bellamy can’t imagine anything worse. Not even imagination can beat reality. Reality is far more unkind and unrelenting. 

He thinks back to yesterday. How beautiful you looked, laying beside him and looking at him so fondly. So lovingly. Are you looking at him now? “Are you gonna wake up for me?” He mumbles, hands shaking as he brushes a thumb against your soft cheek. Christ, even your eyelashes have your blood in them. If Bellamy pretends hard enough maybe he can imagine that you’re just asleep and not that the love of Bellamy’s life is dying right before his very eyes. He remembers confessing to you that he was scared when he was laying down, looking up at you, being taken care of by you... but nothing can compare to how terrified he feels in this moment. 

Bellamy feels the utmost amount of dread in the core of his heart. Though he’s up and walking now, he recalls how the infection affected his actions. He had yelled at you... cursed at you... pushed you away. 

Bellamy wipes his eyes, pushing the warm tears away before he quietly whispers what you told him. He’s laying next to you, holding your hand, wondering if this is how it ends for the two of you. “I’m sure we’ll meet again in another life... We’re tethered together, remember?”

“Bellamy,” Octavia states, tensing up at the sight of the Commander entering the scene. O places a hand above her sword.

“So?” Comes Lexa’s voice, making Bellamy regain his composure.

“So.” He stands tall, shoulders back, turning around to face her and he speaks. Bellamy frowns at the Commander, his burning eyes never leaving hers, though there are guards at every exit. “What the hell do you want from me?”

Lexa tears her eyes from Clarke, looking to “Bellamy Blake,” Lexa announces, “Skaikru’s leader.”

He shakes his head, “I was never their leader. She was.” 

“Give yourself some credit,” Lexa notes, glancing oddly between the two leaders, “Your people listen to you.”

“Is that what you came to tell me?” Bellamy wonders, his eyes unable to leave yours as Abby takes care of you as much as she can.

“I came to warn you,” Lexa admits, her eyes never leaving her opponent. “I am not a woman to be trifled with. My people are not your toys.” Bellamy feels as though he has no fight left within him. So he just listens. “Azgeda are coming for you.”

“Azgeda?” 

“The Ice Nation.” Octavia finishes, crossing her arms, “Apparently everyone hates Skaikru.”

Bellamy looks down. “Skaikru. Is that who we are now?” He mutters, shaking his head as he lets out a tired sigh, “Just another group people want to kill?"

“Like your hate against the grounders who were here before you?” Lexa wonders. Bellamy shakes his head again, fiercer now. 

“I used to think that the only people who deserved to live here were my people.” He admits, disgusted with his past self, “Then someone came into my life and taught me differently. This is planet earth. The planet we’ve all been trying to live on. We all shared it once and we can share it again.” He looks to Lexa, “All of us deserve to live here. All of us.”

It breaks his heart to think that his dream may not come true. “You put on a convincing act.” Lexa admits, “But Azgeda isn’t like me, Bellamy. They are less concerned with making peace that they are with spreading bloodshed.”

“You nearly killed our friends just to tell us you forgive us?”

"She’s sending a message.” Clarke nods, taking a step closer to The Commander, “A poor one.”

“How so?” Lexa speaks back.

“You’ve just proved your weakness, Commander,” Clarke tells her truthfully, “You’re like us more than you led on. You don’t want to see any more people die. We share that.”

“I agree that enough of my people have died.” Lexa nods, turning slightly, “But if Y/N is the last member of Skaikru that dies, I am okay with that too. That is something we do not share.” And with that last comment, Lexa walks out of the cave and out of the narrative.

The weight of a hand on yours... the movement of light in front of your eyes. You want to speak but you feel so frail and weak like if you were to try you’d just fall asleep again. But you try anyway, even though no one can understand you. “H-He’s...”

“Y/N?” Abby whispers, her eyes wide and filled with tears, “Bellamy, Clarke, she‘s waking up.”

Rushing up to you, Bellamy feels his heart stop in anticipation. You finish your sentence, feeling the room spin, “B-Bell.”

“I’m here, I’m right here.” He whispers back, placing a hand on your cheek. “I love you.” He has to say, not sure if you’re waking up or giving up.

Murphy watches on, furiously wiping tears away. He can’t help but feel guilty. You’re in this state because you wanted to help him. Murphy can’t stop himself from remembering when the two of you first met on the dropship. It seems so long ago now.

You nod, eyes still unable to open although your mind is screaming, I love you too, back. “Can you hear us, Y/N?” Abby inquires, placing her hand in yours. As soon as she touches you, you use whatever force you can to pull away. You sit up, though your body is aching and you feel the bruises and cuts all over. “N-No, please... Lexa.” Your eyes are squeezed shut incredibly tight.

“Y/N, baby,” Bellamy whispers, looking at you with desperation, “Open your eyes, it’s me.” You struggle to open your eyes and understand how the hell you got where you are, “It’s me.” Gently touching you, you don’t freak out anymore. You know it’s him, you just feel so out of it that you can’t react. 

You let out a sigh of relief, feeling his arms wrap around you and you close your eyes once more, feeling as though you’re waking up from a deep dream. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” You tell him, your voice dry and unlike how you normally sound, “I thought...” You cut yourself off, feeling familiar tears prick at your eyes.

Bellamy can’t hold you as tightly as he wants to but he never thought he’d hold you again or hear you again. “You were scared for me?” Bellamy cries, pulling back to look at you, “You were missing... I thought I’d never see you again.”

Letting a lazy smile stretch over your features, you rest your head against him. “Y-Yeah, but you... you were sick.”

Bellamy nods, forgetting all about his sickness. “I’m better now. And so are you. You’re going to be okay,” Bellamy whispers, making sure his tears don’t fall onto you, “Just hang in there.”

You grunt back, forcing your eyes open and taking a deep breath. Your body is exhausted. It really needed that half an hour of sleep, that’s enough for you to at least wake-up or regain some consciousness. “Murphy... is he-”

"Right here,” he answers, stepping closer to you, “Thanks to you.”

You smile back, closing your eyes. “Everyone's okay?” 

“Yeah,” Octavia smiles at you, kneeling beside her brother to give you a nod, “everyone‘s just fine.” Smiling, you finally close your eyes.

TAGLIST: kuro-neko88 blue-berry-barry-allen doctorwhoandrory feelins-fadin jaib2-blog justacrush cainismyname @blathenathegroundergirl  @imaginexmeintheuniverse​  a-sweet-littlefangirl @galileeooh yesivefallenpreytothechoicestrap your-idiotic-excellency  (hopefully I haven’t forgotten anyone!!)

[butmakeitgayblog]

randomly stumbled across your AWTR au at 1:00 in the morning and I’ve spent the last hour reading through EVERY post under that tag instead of sleeping…

anyway if you’re still up for prompts I’d love to hear about their wedding! especially their vows to each other 😍

Ok well, 1. I apologize to the fullest extent of the law for so many things in that tag 😔 while I do enjoy hurting your guy's feelings, I'm also sorry for it. Know that 💕

2. Can't believe I've never answered this 🤧

Their wedding is a small affair, given the underwhelming population of their town and everything else involved.

Lexa doesn't have any family other than her father, and it's not as though she had a wealth of friends to fill up her side of the church. She has acquaintances around town, sure. Plenty of regulars that roll through the bookshop. Friendly faces that chat her up after her sessions at Sunday School are done at church. But... no one who she'd really feel comfortable bothering for something as insignificant as her tiny wedding.

So when Clarke made the executive decision that they were just not going to deal with any of that, she agreed with just a twinge of disappointment, but more readily— unmitigated relief. Because if Clarke's not interested in the frills of it all, well then Lexa isn't going to be either, so when they sit down with their pastor and parents, they make it clear that it's just going to be a quiet affair.

And that's exactly what they do.

They have a small intimate ceremony in the morning that is only them, Gus and Abby, right in the same church where Lexa's own mother had said 'I do'.

Lexa wears a simply yellow sundress with delicate flowery embroidery, and her hair pulled back in braids that complement her wild ringlets. Clarke once said she likes it when Lexa wears her hair in ways that show off her neck, so she meticulously found something that worked with her dress and still fit that bill for their big day. Clarke wears a power blue midi dress and leaves her hair down in relaxed waves, because she likes the way her soon-to-be wife runs her fingers through it whenever they kiss.

And that's it.

Or... it was supposed to be.

That had been the entire plan on paper.

Except when Lexa thinks that'll be end of it, just the plain vows in the church and then a quiet ride back home, Clarke takes her for a surprise ride instead. She takes the long way out to the lake where they had spent so many moon drenched nights falling deeper and more recklessly in love. And it's worth it, all the secretiveness and all the planning, when Lexa stares dumbstruck at the grassy field filled with people.

All the people she hadn't thought would want to come. The same ones she'd felt so silly for even thinking about bothering with an invitation.

Clarke had spent the most of the night before with her merry band of delinquents mowing knee-high grass and setting up tent poles, hanging lanterns and slinging up fake, waxy vinery she'd bought on clearance in the city over everything that stood still. It was tastefully understated, she had decided at around 2am when they'd finally called it a night. Classy even... if you squinted and turned your head just a bit to the side.

It was still technically a small gathering. Nothing but friendly faces who had jumped at the chance to show the quiet girl who served them coffee and sang to the little ones that they actually did care.

And Clarke just beamed next to her with a silent nod when Lexa looked at her to make sure it was real. Because she'd spent weeks planning it all out. Had nearly thrown up a few dozen times just getting down the logistics, all while lying to her fiance through her teeth.

A forgivable sin, she had steadfastly decided.

And so under the cheap vinery in the shade of Lexa's favorite reading tree, Clarke and Lexa recited their vows a second time for their friends and extended family.

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 season 6 - theories and predictions.

No episode this week, I know, it sucks. So, I’ve decided to do jot down some thoughts and conspiracies I have. Feel free to argue with me. I love hearing I’m wrong and why.

Episode 6 is called Memento Mori, Latin for "remember that you will die", is the medieval Latin Christian theory and practice of reflection on mortality, especially as a means of considering the vanity of earthly life and the transient nature of all earthly goods and pursuits.

Episode 7: Nevermind -  used to tell someone not to worry about something because it is not important.

Episode 8: The old man and the anomaly aka Gabriel and time travel.

Episode 9: What you take with you - when you die?

Episode 10: Matryoshka: also known as Russian nesting dolls, stacking dolls, or Russian dolls, are the set of wooden dolls of decreasing size placed one inside another.

Episode 11: Ashes to ashes -  derives from the English Burial Service. The text of that service is adapted from the Biblical text, Genesis 3:19 (King James Version): In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Episode 12: Adjustment protocol

Episode 13: The blood of Sanctum

All of the above refers to mortality and death. The entire season will thus focus on both the continuance and destruction of the primes. 

Murphine in cahoots

Luckily Murphy loves Emori, because that hookup would have made me nauseous. I HOPE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN. Okay, he will do whatever it takes to avoid hell and get eternal life. Call me a big old Murphy marshmallow, but I refuse to believe he’ll put his family in harm's way. 

Josephine will have to promise their safety in order to gain his co-operation. The rest he doesn’t care about. Including Clarke. I know he saved her during the eclipse but he needed her help to rescue Bellamy. He seems pretty mad at her, I’m sure he doesn’t want her dead, but she’s not on his list of top priorities.

Josephine needs to learn how to create nightbloods and only Abby knows how to do that. And Abby will swim across the Atlantic to save Kane. Ding Dong, create another nightblood to save Kane, but who will that be? One of McCreary’s crew, a fellow Wonkru warrior or will Abby sacrifice herself? Not sure if a man can utilize a woman’s body.

She is so determined to save the love of her life, that she ignores the gravity of her own daughter writing with the wrong hand. Further, she has already expressed her opinion on how Kane deserves to live while they don’t. She bears a lot of guilt for the things she has done. But Abby wasn’t comfortable with their experiments in Becca’s lab. It will take a lot of persuasion; can she be convinced to take another life?

Maybe Murphy and Josephine will tell Bellamy that there’s a way to bring Clarke back to get him on board. They’ll have to temporarily kill her parents to continue with their scheme. Russel is firmly against Josephine’s breeding plans and creating new nightbloods means murdering red-blooded people. 

Head over heart Bellamy would not be okay with this, but I think he might lose his head over the loss of Clarke. More on this later. Jordan will do whatever it takes to save Delilah, so he might board this “saving” ship too. Raven will torture herself when she finds out about this and probably go above and beyond to help bring her back. Echo and Emori might be indifferent.

Josephine vs Clarke

A lot of you have argued against my Mount Weather theory last week. I’m still not convinced it’s not time travel via the anomaly but I’m not psychic. So, my other option is that Josephine will experience Clarke’s past as dreams. Bellamy explains, in trig, that it’s how his victims haunt him. Perhaps a little foreshadowing.

Russel was in a hurry and distraught to clear the host (kill Clarke) and bring his daughter back. In my 6x05 review, I did a bit of research on the meaning of Gabriel’s biology terms and came to the conclusion that Clarke is not dead, only in a deep vegetative state. Gabriel stressed the fact that they had to wait for the serum to reach the claustrum. Perhaps it didn’t take full effect.

Josephine did not sleep her first night back, but when she does it might be restless and filled with Clarke’s demons. Clarke Griffin is a fighter, trust her not to back down. Not to give up. She’s gonna taunt you until you wanna crash the Ferrari. We know both Jake and Maya comes back, so this is probably where we’ll see them. Unfortunately, in the process, she’ll have to relive it herself.

The crazy smoothie that cleanses the body of all evils

Ingredients:

1 x Red Queen

1 x Terrorist

1 x Rebel named Xavier

1 x Old man

1 x Temporal Anomaly

Mix all the ingredients together and you have the perfect solution for a prime pest problem. Octavia and Diyoza are desperate to find Gabriel and if it means time traveling through the temporal anomaly, then so be it.

Octavia’s hand aged when it came into contact with the temporal flare. So, I’m fairly certain they’re either going back or forward in time. IMDB shows Hope as a little girl in 6x08, which means Diyoza visits the future and Octavia might go back to the bunker to slaughter Bloodreina.

Once they make it through, they finally encounter the old man himself, who has all the answers with regards to the primes, Sanctum and ridding Clarke of the devil that possesses her.

I have a strong idea that this will be how the Blakes bury the hatchet. Octavia will help Bellamy and the others to revive Clarke. Meaning Bellamy will see the good that still exists inside her. Even when he couldn’t see it, I never gave up hope of Octavia returning. A lot of you did not agree with his decision to abandon her, but I think it’s the best thing he could have done for her.

Madi vs Sheidheda

I’m still not sure what’s going on here. I’ve seen some theories about using her bone marrow in an attempt to create other nightbloods. It could be, but they have a lot of nightbloods to put to use. And Abby won’t use Madi, that’s for sure.

Also, Madi has machinery strapped to her head in the trailer, which made me think that Josephine doesn’t know how to reverse engineer “memory chip” technology like Gabriel did and will need to explore the flame to create one for Murphy.

Or perhaps Josephine fails in convincing Abby, finds out that Madi has Becca’s memories in her head and tries to download them from the flame? 

Either way, Madi’s nightmares are enhanced during the experiments and she will obviously battle the dark commander for power. Without Clarke and Gaia’s guidance, she might lose, become him and in turn the villain of season 7. I just hope it doesn’t cause her death. Can you imagine Clarke returning to find Madi’s gone? She’s had to live through numerous deaths: Jake, Finn, Lexa, Marper, Jasper, please don’t do this to her.

The romance section

I don’t think we’ll see Delilah again. Jordan will do everything in his power to bring her back, just like Clarke, but I have a feeling she’s gone. For good. So, RIP Jolilah.

Emori is also on my deathdar for some reason. It’s no secret that I ship Murven, but I really don’t mind Memori. They’ve had their problems in season 5 and Murphy’s fear of dying might push them apart again.  Look, some people die each season and so far it seems like there’s no further story for Emori.

Raven and Murphy have always been better when they’re in the presence of the other, but I like them as friends as well. Murphy somehow calms Raven and she inspires him to do better. 

I know it’s harsh and I want Raven to be happy, but unless Raven and Ryker are endgame, I hope they don’t set them up romantically. The writers probably had a bit of a muddle with Shaw leaving for another show while wanting to give Raven a happy arc this season. Somehow, I do think all the primes will be killed (the blood of Sanctum) with the exception of Ryker since he seems a bit hesitant towards their living style. If that’s where it’s heading then I’m fine with it because they did have instant chemistry and a lot of it. More than she had with Shaw. Don't @ me. But please show it to us over time.

Please don’t hate me but I don’t think Niyalah and Octavia will become romantic either. As far as I know, Jessica Harmon is working on Izombie and I think her death is soon. Besides Octavia has to mend in herself before she can focus on relationships with other people. Including her brother.

I spy with my little eye a Becho breakup

I’ve feared that Bellamy and Echo might be a long term pairing many times before, and I’ve even sort of accepted it because I refused to let it ruin the show for me. Now, more than ever, I believe they’re on their way out. In the 6x06 promo, Echo is in the woods, searching for Octavia? She may even team up with them.

Echo does not understand Bellamy’s complexity in a way that Clarke does. On the ring, they lived in harmony, whereas now they have countless tribulations to overcome and they’re not the same people. 

Also, there’s been continuous scenes where she’s shown as inferior and submissive to both him and Clarke. They bark the orders and she follows, Emori even called her out on it in 6x02. A relationship can only last between two equals.

If that’s not enough, there’s no way in hell, no mountain too high, no river too deep for Bellamy Blake to bring Clarke back. He’ll fight who has to be fought, kill who has to be killed, leave no stone unturned. One of those obstacles might even be Echo trying to convince him she’s gone. Bellamy will refuse to lose her again. When Echo sees this, she’ll realize what Clarke means to him and either confront him or cut him loose.

There is no more beautiful romance than Bellarke

Think of all the most romantic books you’ve read or movies you’ve watched. What was the trope? I bet you’ll find it in Bellarke.

Titanic - “You jump, I jump right?” - “If I’m on that list, you’re on that list.”

Beauty and the beast - Enemies to friends to lovers

Tangled - Deep, longing looks during firelight 

Love in the time of cholera - A love triangle due to logicality and comfort vs love

Romeo and Juliet - A girl from a wealthy family falls for a boy from poverty. Both willing to die for the other.

The Notebook - “I wrote you one letter every day for a year.” - “When you were on the ring, she called you every day for six years.”

The Time Traveler’s wife - Two lovers constantly separated by time and space but love always prevails.

I can sit here all night. The fact of the matter is that they love each other. Of course Bellamy notices that Clarke is not herself first. Even after six years apart, he is attuned to her and knows her on such a deep and intense level that he can’t be fooled. 

When she leaves to head to the school, he follows. He allows himself to be vulnerable with her when she apologizes. Clarke’s biggest regret is leaving him to die. She trusts him to bring her child home safely. He trusts her to bargain for their safety. Bellamy stares while she dances with someone else and asks about it later. Then his reaction to her overshare of the details is a mixture of confusion and jealousy. 

But the best part of all is the horror and heartbreak when he finds out he’s lost her. Again. That part of his heart, only reserved for Clarke, will now come to the surface and there will be no more denial.

To wrap up, I can only speculate based on what I’ve seen and heard. So, I can’t include all the characters that have been MIA. Indra most of all. I miss her. Please let me know if you think I’m crazy. I’d love to hear it.

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Polo 3

Previously on Polo

The sun was glaring; absolutely murdering the entirety of the world in the noontime shine of a clear day in the early spring. The heat couldn’t come just yet, still not allowed due to larger forces like the tilt of the planet and the distinct absence of a certain player, yet to be seen despite a not-so-covert glance at the pitch during warm ups. The entire event was going to be the largest of its kind, and it was like the world knew it, opening itself up and shining all of the kindest wishes on the sport, as a large herd of watchers made their way to find a place to watch. 

The tents were stocked with alcohol and snacks, people in hats and those who were there because they were supposed to be. But along the pitch, bleachers filled up with anyone who wanted to watch, creating an atmosphere of joy and excitement that’d been lacking at the private matches. 

There really wasn’t a reason to be there. Clarke had more than fulfilled her daughterly duty for the entire year with her increasingly frequent showings at events for both of her parents. She chalked it up to growth, and becoming a better person, to make an effort, to try her best to show her mother that she was happy for her, and to prove to her father that she was deserving of her name, even if that meant trudging through society things in lieu of his wife. 

But seeing as Kane’s opening of the Gauntlet of Polo opening day party was not her mother’s, nor was it something she felt compelled to do to represent her father, Clarke had no true reason to go other than because Kane was nice enough to invite her, and she truly had nothing else to do. 

“So where’s the hot polo playing Argentinian underwear model who recites you poetry and fucks you in stables?” 

Clarke grit her teeth before sighing and shaking her head, giving her best friend a look that should equal death, if she’d been luckier. 

“What?” Raven shrugged. “I want to get a good look at the girl that convinced you to be okay with your parents divorce. I’m sure there are over-paid therapists who would kill to know how to do it.” 

“She didn’t--”

“And made you nicer in general to your parents. And me. And your life is less chaotic now-- I’ve noticed you are volunteering. That must be some of the worlds most powerful puss--”

“Kane! Mom!” Clarke interrupted her friend’s tangent, thankfulness apparent in her voice as she found the host and hostess. 

Her mother was always beautiful, but Clarke began to see how much nicer happiness looked on her, and as much as she claimed to always love her father, there was a girlish spark that came when Abby was near Marcus. It took Clarke long enough to put aside her feelings to see it, but when she did, she couldn’t have been happier, despite the occasional bitterness about what was lost. It was Lexa’s stupid notions of love that messed with her brain and her ability to hold a grudge. 

There’d been a truce between herself and Kane, reached gently and treated very cautiously, but still, it remained. She had dinner with them just a week ago when they were in the city, and it wasn’t entirely painful. As much as she wanted to dislike Marcus Kane, she couldn’t bring herself to do it because he was just… nice. And he made Abby smile in a way that Clarke didn’t realize she hadn’t seen in a while. 

The real benefit of all of this love and joy being that while Abby got to live her best truth, it meant less comments about Clarke’s “wasted potential,” and there was a bigger focus on her art, which led to less stress with their average communications. 

“Oh, honey you made it,” Abby smiled and hugged her daughter, kissing her cheek quickly, squeezing her shoulders. “I didn’t think we’d find you in all this.” 

“Believe it or not,” Clarke explained as she accepted a quick hug from her mother’s boyfriend. “It’s easy to find the guy who owns a team in a tournament sponsored by his company.” 

“I’ve been looking and couldn’t find you.” 

“I took Raven to see the ponies.” 

“Look at that,” Kane grinned. “She’s using proper jargon already.” 

“Clarke’s given me a quick rundown, but I don’t know if I trust her expertise yet,” Raven offered after all pleasantries were exchanged. “Care to teach me, Kane?” 

“The more the merrier,” he smiled wider, like a kid in a candy store, surrounded by people who wanted to listen to him explain his favorite sport. “We better go find a good spot. It’ll start soon.” 

Raven turned and gave Clarke a wry grin before linking her arm with Kane’s as she maneuvered them through the crowd. Clarke let her mother squeeze her and follow along a few steps behind. 

“It means a lot that you’ve tried to take an interest in something that Marcus finds important,” Abby offered as they meandered along. 

“Just a good reason to be outside, and Raven loves selling rich people her programs and things,” Clarke dismissed her effort for anything benevolent as she grabbed a flute of champagne gratefully. “I’m fairly certain that’s the only reason she keeps me around.” 

“Whatever the reason. It means a lot to me. I know it wasn’t easy to find out--”

“We don’t have to do this.” 

“I know,” Abby relented. “You just never cease to amaze me is all. Marcus is important to me, and you’ve taken the time to get to know him, just like I’m sure you would when your father starts--”

“Dad won’t date anyone else.” 

The words came out a little bit too harsh, and Clarke wasn’t sure why she felt so protective of her father’s refusal to get over a broken heart. 

“He will eventually, and believe it or not, no matter how he feels about Marcus and even me right now, seeing you be open to our happiness will make it easier.” 

“I guess I’m just a saint.” 

It was meant to be a joke, but Clarke felt suddenly a little guilty. They took their seats beside Kane and Raven, and Clarke looked out on the pitch, wondering if she would be there at all if it hadn’t been for the oddest addiction she somehow developed for a stupid girl who argued with her every time she saw her. 

She might not even get to see Lexa today. She might only see her on the pitch. And would that be a waste? Should she think about this perfect stranger as often as she did and look forward to this stupid even for the past three weeks? Was she proving Lexa’s points right about lust and love and soulmates? Did she believe in something like soulmates? How could she? And what did it matter. Wasn’t this a lot to do just for sex? Very, very, very good sex, but still--

“You’re not zoning out already, are you, Clarke?” Kane smiled and waved his hand in front of her face, bringing her back to reality. 

“Just listening, making sure I remember everything.” 

Raven gave her a look. 

“Now tell me about your team. Clarke was telling me all about how skilled the one… what was her name?” 

“Lexa,” Kane offered excitedly, before Clarke could bring herself to utter the name. “She is incredibly skilled. I’ve never seen someone ride with such passion. She is so fluid, covering everything, seeing plays before they happen. And she’s got this passion in her blood for the sport. She hits hard, and takes a licking-- Are you okay?” 

Only when Kane stopped talking did Clarke realize she’d spilled her glass, letting it tilt back toward her chest as she remembered exactly how passionate and fluid and licking that Lexa had been. The cool liquid froze her chest, dripping down her front as she hurried to pat it dry. 

“Fine, fine. I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“Off in another world,” he offered politely. 

“This girl has her head in the stables,” Raven joked, though only Clarke understood it. “I get now why Clarke’s so passionate about those ponies. You are a hell of a salesman, Kane.” 

“This is something that costs me money. Imagine what I can do with something I want to make money off of.” 

They shared a laugh and Clarke joined in, only half paying attention as the team was announced and she caught the now familiar jerseys making their way to the center for the start of the match. 

There was an air to the polo player, helmet on, stoic and sitting tall as she stood beside her fellow teammates, her horse still as she was. Lexa listened politely to the anthem, she listened to the announcer, but she didn’t move more than necessary. It was by a stroke of luck that she found Clarke in the crowd, though Clarke wouldn’t agree anything was lucky about it, because now she had to sit in the stands after getting the full weight of Lexa’s glance. Only slightly did Clarke notice the pull of one corner of Lexa’s mouth and the fire behind her eyes. It made her gulp. 

Lexa didn’t look away the entire time and neither did Clarke. She didn’t have to say anything. They both knew. 

XXXXXXXXXX

It was an actual match, and a hard fought one to begin the Gauntlet that would last the next few months, and Lexa ached in the most delicious kind of ways after the win. Over the next week she’d have to win five more to hoist the first cup, collect the first purse, and move onward in hopes of completing the perfect Gauntlet, winning all three cups, and collecting the bonus purse that would triple her yearly income. 

No pressure at all when trying to impress a girl who was set to inherit billions. With a B. 

Showered and cleaned up, Lexa made it to the crowds in time to catch part of the second match. The sun was dimming, fading into the trees, giving a bit of a sunset despite the lights that shined over the pitch. It was a perfect evening for polo, and Lexa felt it, still riding the high of her win and feeling the limitless possibility of the next few months. 

It didn’t hurt that she caught a certain girl’s eyes before it started and put on a show. No, Lexa didn’t think about that at all. 

There was absolutely no way she had a chance with someone like Clarke, prize purse be damned. Lexa was the person who got a taste-- who was used for the pleasure of someone who had other responsibilities. In all of her dealings with people like Kane, with people like Clarke, she knew she was an interloper; destined to be a tagalong, someone who was never quite part of their world. Those were the things that she thought about after that momentary rush of seeing Clarke-- an intense loss at never having her completely. 

She didn’t look for Clarke in the tent with the other donors because she could feel her. It would take her a moment to get back to being okay with being a plaything. It had its perks, and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, to be someone who only got a taste when that taste was delicious. Lexa was okay with the being just a fling, if only her heart would listen and not get in over its head. 

“You, in that dress,” Lexa whispered as she approached a bare back, the navy blue of the dress, dipping along spine, hanging on shoulders. “Has all of my attention.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Lexa half-smiled and grabbed a flute of champagne, handing it to the woman beside her before taking one for herself. Only then did she allow herself to look at Clarke, meeting blue eyes and lips she desperately wanted to kiss already, after exactly one second of being within her orbit. 

“It’s becoming a problem, princess. You look too distracting in everything.” 

“Maybe you should stop looking?” 

“Would you like me to stop?” 

With her words, Lexa shifted closer, and Clarke felt it. Their bodies moved around, hovering and refusing to touch though desperately wanting to feel the next. Clarke licked her lips and looked up from beneath her lashes while Lexa looked over her cheekbones as she took a sip and played with the stem of her glass. 

“It’s been three weeks. You didn’t try to find me?” 

“I’ve been busy training,” Lexa tried, unsure of if she was supposed to find Clarke. She never knew it was an option. “And I didn’t… Three weeks, and were you preparing for a Gauntlet?” 

“You were the one that was trying to convince me to fall in love with you.” 

“Or lust.” 

“Right, or lust,” Clarke nodded. “I couldn’t find you. That’d just prove you right.” 

“And we wouldn’t want me to be right, would we?” 

Despite herself, Clarke smiled, small and there. She blushed a little, right beneath her jaw, near her earlobes. Lexa gorged herself on it. 

“If you’re right, you get all of the power. I can’t give you that.” 

“But it would be great if you did. I promise to be a benevolent overlord.” 

“What if I don’t know how to be kept?” Clarke asked after a moment of quiet. It was the most honest thing she’d said in their time together. 

Lexa reached forward to touch her, finally. She ran her finger along her forearm, and she paused at Clarke’s wrist, running her thumb along the small protrusion there. She watched her fingers move against Clarke’s skin. 

“I’m good at being still. I’ve broken more wild things than you, princess.” 

As she stood there, Clarke felt Lexa’s warmth, and she wondered to which level they were speaking, because almost accidentally, she’d confessed one of her truly darkest fears, that she wasn’t one to be in love, that she didn’t know how, that she wasn’t sure she was worth being looked at like Lexa looked at her, whether it be love or lust of something between. 

“I completely mean to interrupt whatever is happening over here,” a voice rang out, oddly cheerful and not at all in line with the tone established. 

Lexa retracted her hand quickly, finishing the rest of her champagne as a result of compensating for the movement. Clarke stood up, her body language becoming alert and afraid. There was the shame, Lexa saw and pretended to ignore, of being caught with someone like her. 

“Hell of a game you played out there, Lexa,” the new woman explained as she grabbed them another round of drinks from a passing tray. 

The crowd cheered for whatever was happening on the pitch, and Lexa looked toward it in hopes of finding a reason to escape, the trance of Clarke Griffin broken for a moment. 

“And I heard all about how amazing your play was from Kane. Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes off of you, and I have to say, I get it now.” 

Lexa found her interest turning back to this shorter, nonplussed member of their group, her interest piqued as she recognized a fellow interloper, although someone who seemed to own it much better and in a way she almost envied. 

“I wasn’t--” Clarke began before taking a breath, earning a grin from her friend. “Lexa, this is Raven, my best friend dating back from elementary school, so please don’t hold it against me.” 

“I couldn’t. She seems to have such great taste if polo players,” Lexa grinned, extending her hand. “Lexa Woods. It’s a pleasure to meet you--”

“Raven,” she offered, shaking it heartily. “I’ve heard many things.” 

“All good, I hope.” 

“Mythical, some might say.” 

Clarke coughed and cleared her throat until her friend returned the hand it’d been shaking and went back to sipping her champagne. Lexa felt her chest puff a bit, and she couldn’t help it. 

“I should go make the rounds,” she finally offered as the two ancient friends glared at each other, having an entire conversation. “I’m sure Kane has some constructive criticism, and plans for the next matches. I hope I see you both around, and thank you for coming to support us.” 

“It was nice to see you again,” Clarke offered with a slight nod. 

Brazenly, Lexa leaned forward, placed her hand on the small of Clarke’s back so that her thumb could touch the bare skin of her spine. She kissed her cheek. 

“I hope you choose to find me, princess,” she whispered. “I love wild things as they are.” 

Lexa pulled away quickly and shook Raven’s hand again. 

“It was nice to meet you, Raven. I hope Kane didn’t bore you terribly.” 

“Not at all,” she returned. “I hope to come to more, if Clarke will invite me.” 

But Clarke didn’t answer, just stared at Lexa until she nodded and walked away, fading into the crowd in search of her benefactor. 

“Holy shit she’s hot up close,” Raven finally offered after a moment where Clarke downed her champagne. “Like. Insanely hot. Superhuman hot. And when she did that thing, that being so close to you but not touching you thing. Damn. And then, I think she practically was undressing you with her eyes when I walked up. I’ve never seen eyeballs look like murder, but hers were coming for me.” 

“You see what  mean, right?” 

“Yeah, you have a problem there,” her friend agreed as Clarke finally took a breath and nodded weakly. “I’d have to go for it.” 

“Yes. Without a doubt.” 

XXXXXXXXXX

Even though there was an entire week of matches for the tournament, Lexa still waited for a girl to appear, to make the move, to find her. She knew that it had to be Clarke who appeared, who made the move because she was the one who was most afraid. It was supposed to be a joke, but Lexa knew it was the most honest thing about her to admit that she was already in love with the stranger. 

She knew nothing about Clarke, not really, and yet she felt like she understood her on a cosmic level, an inherent kind of language they both spoke, that defied time. Lexa craved that poetry, and perhaps it was the works of the great romantics that she kept reading and clouding her brain with such notions, but she couldn’t help it. It seeped into her very DNA. 

The week led to the first win out of three for the Gauntlet, and Lexa hoisted the cup valiantly, happy that she was worth her weight in gold, as Kane liked to explain. And after all of it, after they made the trip home, and she made sure the stables were taken care of and schedule made for the following day, Lexa sat on the porch to her small home about five miles from the horses, and she opened a bottle of beer. 

The night was colder than the day, giving off the heat and letting the warmth disappear with the sun, but it was a clear night, the moon bright above, casting moonbeam shadows in the tall grasses and from the fence posts. She could have lived in the city, gotten a place an enjoyed the splendor of her generous paychecks, but Lexa had a need to be near her ponies and to be close to the games. She wouldn’t commute if she didn’t have to, and she wouldn’t allow herself any distractions. 

And then headlights appeared in her driveway, following the gravel up toward the converted cabin. 

She stood and tapped her beer against her thigh as she leaned against the railing, squinting into the light in hopes of figuring out who was going to bug her after a rather long week and an impressive win. 

She wasn’t in a dress. She was in an old jacket and jeans as she shoved her hands in the back pockets and made her way around the car once it turned off. It really was becoming a problem, because every time Lexa saw her, she was distracted. She really didn’t think about the car and how many questions she had about the absolutely devastating piece of machinery. 

Instead, she took another sip and smiled. 

“Congratulations,” Clarke offered. 

“Did you watch?” 

“I didn’t, but I heard.” 

“Good news travels fast.” 

Despite her initial burst of courage, Clarke paused near the stairs, looking up at the polo player, the lights from the glowing windows giving her a little bit of color. Lexa didn’t move to fix the height gap between them, instead, waiting for Clarke to make the moves. It was her porch, but it was Clarke’s rules, and she wasn’t sure she’d trained wilder things than Clarke Griffin, but she was a tamer of beasts. 

“I found you,” Clarke offered, as she took a step. 

“You did. I’m not hard to find though.” 

“I think we should applaud the effort,” Clarke grinned, stepping up another until she was just one below. “I was impressed with your win. You must be happy.” 

“I’m honestly happier that you’re here right now than the trophy.” 

“Are you going to show me your home?” 

“I don’t want to move,” Lexa offered as Clarke stood in front of her now. “I’m afraid you’ll bolt the moment I do.” 

“I showed up. I made the move,” Clarke sighed, looking at her lips. “You have to teach me the rest.” 

“Three conversations for you to fall in love with me,” she grinned, closing the distance and moving so she was touching Clarke, pressed against her front. “I can work with that.” 

“Lust.” 

“For now.”

NEXT

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 18: Thoughts on The 100 2x07

Okay, gonna try this again with another ep. Long Into the Abyss

The last time I was watching T100 I was back at the beginning of S2 so I could remind myself of some stuff for a fic so now I’m really out of sorts.

I remember watching this ep for the first time and thinking, ‘oh, I guess Keenan isn’t going to be important, then.’ The fucked-up-ness levels of this scene are supremely underrated. Much like how they experiment on Maya--they know no shame. Also I feel like the implication is that Keenan isn’t the first person they’ve killed in this way. Does no one.... miss them? Why was there no revolt from the populace on the grounds of ‘they’re experimenting on us’ if not on the grounds of ‘they’re experimenting on these random kids’?

That Keenan was felled by rain makes me think that the rain was....dun dun dun, acid the whole time.

“Civilian check-in will take place at 0900 hours. All civilians must be accounted for by your station supervisors.” I mean first there are only two stations lol but otherwise... collecting more data for the Ark AU.

“This is not our home, it’s theirs” is SUCH a retcon and I’m still angry about it.

It makes absolutely no sense that Abby is still in charge even though the duly elected Chancellor is back in the settlement. I mean I know they’re just making shit up now but they’re not even trying.

Jaha’s faith would be more compelling if it didn’t mean randomly abandoning big chunks of his people--not just Marcus and the 48 but every other station that may or may not be out there. I guess he still sees them as a whole not as individuals or even as sub-parts. (I’d say he’s being selfish but in fact he will sacrifice himself too.)

This would have been a good time to lean even more into the 100 as a distinct people all their own. Clarke (and co.) care about the 48 than anything else. But no one else does, really; they were already thrown away.

That was the worst speech Chancellor 1 and Chancellor 2 could have given because now it’s super obvious they are not on the same page.

“The Grounders are attacking because of me” is 100% true and you should say it. People in this fandom love to hate on fuckboy Finn but the actual main characters stuck behind him right up until the bitter end lol, let’s not forget that.

Also yes Clarke’s line is stupid (”The Grounders are attacking because that’s what they do”) but.... she’s not entirely wrong that the Grounders have historically targeted them for almost no reason, over and over, since day one. So yeah they’d probably be attacking anyway. Not five minutes ago Jaha was saying they were just trying to get ‘invaders’ off their land so....yeah no one knows.

Raven’s Gate!

The Mount Weather delinquents! I love them. I love their group dynamic. I love the bizarre way Jasper is sitting, and how much faith he has in Clarke, and Monty being the voice of pessimistic reason. I do not love Monty’s hair. That is an unfortunate cut.

WE’RE CRIMINALS RIGHT SO LET’S BE CRIMINALS.

Says the boy whose crime was being a stoner.

Like tbh now that I’ve looked at the whole season from afar, trying to make it make sense for fic writing purposes, I see that this whole ep’s story line probably mostly exists just to buy some time while actual progress is made outside the Mountain but... I still love it.

Give Ricky Whittle an Emmy lol.

S2 Clarke was such peak Clarke... she’s so smart. Figuring everything out all the time.

[All Grunting]

David Miller is the true and only MVP I said what I said.

Mount Weather population: 382. You know people can give bone marrow without dying. Perhaps you could stop being so greedy and impatient.

Octavia trying to be brave and strong while looking young and scared and small is Endearing.

Totally forgot Nyko was a healer.

Or an Angel of Death lol.

I’m just going to say it. Bellamy was turned on by Clarke electrocuting Nyko.

I’m not super crazy about the Finn and Lincoln comparisons given that Finn acted of his own free will and Lincoln was turned into a cannibal.

The only scenes that really matter are the MW ones as per usual.

“Ye of little faith.”

“That’s my boy.”

I love Miller’s little thief kit omg. And Monty the Stereotypical Hacker.

“And they said we wouldn’t amount to anything.” UNDERRATED LINE.

“Abby, you cannot seriously be taking seriously the thoughts of a teenage girl we previously agreed was completely expendable lol??”

I’d say ‘why do the Grounders need such a comically large force to wipe out a tiny little enclave of scared refugees’ but of course the last time they went up against an even tinier group of refugees they got roasted, toasted, and burned to a crisp so...fair enough.

“She was Anya’s second” as in that should matter because Clarke and Anya were such good friends....?

Jaha hates not being in power so bad. Like he’s this-close from saying ‘Abby stop playing and hand over the pin to a real adult.’ Like he truly thinks she’s just fucking around and he’s entitled to the final say because...habit I guess?

Another point to Finn: if they left they would NEVER come back for the MW kids lol. What an obvious lie. Does Jaha believe his own bs??

Also someone should have pointed out that the Grounders have literally never been good faith with them. Never. Like who says that if the Ark left the Alpha Station site that the Grounders wouldn’t pursue them and kill them anyway? The delinquents abandoned the dropship site and were followed and attacked. (Am I mis-remembering or was ‘leave or die’ the offer then too?) The Ark doesn’t know how much land “belongs” to Trikru (prob because none of it does lol). Like, Jaha’s confidence that Lexa wasn’t lying to him the whole time--like every other time she opens her mouth, because almost everything she says is in fact a lie--is wildly misplaced imho.

All of that said and I completely stand by it--he’s not wrong that he’s the real Chancellor and it is ridiculous that the actual elected Chancellor has to beg the rando who just happens to have the pin to do something. Like--he is right  on the procedure but wrong on the substance is what I’m saying.

And here another example of how only the person who controls the army has real power.

Remember when Abby and Clarke had a good relationship? And it was significant and moving? Anyway another answer to ‘why are you throwing everything away on this plan’ would be ‘because it’s not a shitty plan, you’re just not hearing it out,’ or alternately ‘because we need to deserve to live as I have already said back in the pilot and walking away from MW would be morally abhorrent.’

Netflix subtitles don’t know Miller’s name lol.

MW surveillance of Alpha Station.

Honestly as soon as the stuff with the Grounders moves to the fore I just zone out. Maybe it’s because the tension is gone when you know what happens or maybe it’s because I never really believed ADC but...eh. She has a cool glove though.

They really do hammer home the idea that the MM aren’t really “alive.” Someone bring back that ‘they’re the souls in the underworld’ meta stat.

“This is our world. We deserve this.” Imo this is the hubris of the descendant of American Executive Branch survivors, the belief that, because they were chosen to live for their importance to the whole concept of America, that they now deserve not just survival but a return to that which they themselves destroyed. (I know in this universe it was some rogue AI blah blah blah--it’s more interesting if it was a nuclear war in the traditional sense in my opinion.) Dante has the other side of the argument: We are the keepers of history. The responsibility, over the entitlement. And he recognizes that this legacy is already stained, perhaps irrevocably. Is it ridiculous that he drew his line in the sand? Did he even make that decision, about the Grounders, or did his father make it? Does he think it’s okay because the Grounders are ‘savages’? Because the MM can survive without the bone marrow but not without the blood?

I’m going to be honest, I have no idea what the concept is here with saving Lincoln. Like is this real science about overdoses or just like shit made up as they went along? The only thing I got was the heart thing with the electric shock but like...unclear on the rest... is it just waiting out the detox, I guess?

The dropship has a cute tiled floor. I never noticed that.

They didn’t lie! They were just being as dramatic as possible! Griffin women specialty.

I never shipped M/inty but that was a nice moment. Love those attempts to expand Miller’s character. Also completely forgot that what Miller found was the engineering schematics.

“It’s not complicated really. We just need to keep them alive long enough for the drug to leave their system.” Okay so I was basically right. Not sure how she came to that conclusion from the fight scene but w/e.

L just strikes me as like a young person pretending to be a leader rather than like an actual leader... I’m sorry. But that’s just my read.

Anyway here she is, bad faith as always--moving the goalposts again. “You can have your truce if I get one thing”--LADY YOU GOT YOUR ONE THING THE FUCKING REAPERS HELLO. You don’t get a second thing. I mean fuck really you’re already getting two things: the Reapers and an ally in taking down the Mountain. Now you want a third thing?? No. No more things.

“The one you call Finn”--see, honestly, fake. You’re from fucking Baltimore, no one talks like this or has ever talked like this in the history of human speech.

Anyway, that was intellectually exhausting. Missed seeing my girl Maya. And even more importantly, Raven. And Bellamy had so little to do. He looked damn fine though.

[qboo78]

After everything that happened in got, do you ever think about all the awful things Bellamy and Clarke have done and we still see them as good people? Like I think I understand better what they meant with them not being the "good guys", it's still their story and that's why they're the heroes but even if I always understood and loved them in spite of what they did, I feel a little bad for not seeing sooner how fucked up it all was. Like, they committed genocide and we barely acknowledge it.

Before I answer your question anon, there are a lot of things to say that need to be said so bear with me. You are right anon, I am indeed a fan of GOT and The 100. But more specifically I’m a fan of House Stark and the Original the 100 crew including Bellamy and Raven of course. Bellamy is family to one of the 100 kru and Raven is family to another the 100 kru so yeah they are included.

While I’m a fan of both shows, the only thing I can see in common with both shows are the House Starks and the North and the Original the 100 crew. Why is that you ask? well, because the 100 and Game of Thrones have completely different scenarios in their stories, The 100 always talk about SURVIVAL while GOT always talked about that stupid ugly chair, the IRON THRONE. Although, it has to be said that some people/characters in the GOT world thinks that sitting in the IRON THRONE means SURVIVAL for them like they have to come up on top so they can make sure that they won’t die but then once they sit in that chair, you then can see that “what they are” really gets amplified to infinity and that is why there’s a lot of people dying if the one who sits there is already a bad evil person to their core.

I say the one common thing of both shows is HOUSE STARK and the original 100 crew because these two groups of HEROES (and make no mistake they are heroes to ME) has always just been fighting to SURVIVE and actually just wants to live in peace and to be SAFE. But, unfortunately, these two groups of heroes lived in a time where to do that is actually quite difficult to do.

House Stark never wanted the IRON THRONE and they just want to be left alone, be independent and never to be under an evil tyrant’s rule ever again because, obviously, if they are under a tyrant’s rule they will end up dying because their honor will always lead them to protect the innocents and do what is RIGHT. Which means, they will end up being the target of that tyrant inevitably. So they fight and they kill to do the right thing. Why must they have to do that? Because it is how this world works, you cannot just “talk” in this world because the people you are up against will never even let you talk and will just end up annihilating you.

In the case of the Mad King, Ned’s father, brother and sister became a target and was murdered so Ned fought for them. With the Lannisters, his best friend and King was killed so Ned tried to do the right thing which ended up him becoming the target and killed. And because Ned tried to do the right thing, his family became targets getting some of them killed. Robb and Catelyn were murdered first while the rest is imprisoned or on the run. You see the pattern here? Then came Ramsey Bolton, Sansa had to escaped and seek refuge with Jon because she was tortured and raped. Then Jon, The Night’s watch, the Wildlings became targets of Ramsey, Rickon was imprisoned and eventually killed by Ramsay. Jon and Sansa had to team up with The Wildlings, The Northern Lords who answered the CALL and The Vale to defeat Ramsey, they then won and Sansa killed Ramsey in the end of that battle. Then came Danaerys, Jon gave up his crown to her. Why??? Jon’s reason was to protect the North and gave the living a fighting chance but she ended up killing some of those living later on, killing the innocents and almost everyone in King’s landing. And after that threatening every man, woman, boy and girl in Westeros if they don’t accept her rule and possibly even when they surrender, she will just end up burning them anyway, because that is what she already did in King’s Landing. And of course, Danaerys will soon come after the Stark sisters specifically Sansa, because Sansa knew what she is (which is a TYRANT in case I’m not clear) and Sansa wants to do the right thing by choosing the rightful heir who is a far better option to rule than the Mother of Dragons, which means Sansa, Arya and the North have now ALL become targets of Danaerys, so Jon killed Danaerys. Jon is the only one who can because he can get close enough to her without Drogon frying him. Drogon can sense the Targ in him so he let Jon go near Danaerys. Jon then tried to TALK to Danaerys but of course since what she is will always be a murdering bitch who will not show mercy because she thinks she is right and everyone is wrong (A TYRANT pretty much) so Jon killed Danaerys to protect the Seven Kingdoms but more so to protect his FAMILY, the STARKS. Jon chose FAMILY. Sansa chose Jon and also Jon chose Sansa. Just as every Stark in this STORY have always chosen. FAMILY trumps everything.

Anon, you must be wondering why I take too long to answer your questions about the “good guys” and how committing genocide is a bad thing but all the things I’ve mentioned above explained some things. If we are talking about “good people” and “good guys”, this does not mean that they cannot do bad things or should not do bad things. In fact, they definitely can when pushed. When their loved ones are threatened, being killed/murdered and when they are all in danger of being annihilated that is when they will definitely do whatever it takes to protect their family, their kru. They protect their own. They will kill when their own is in danger but they will never go out of their way to  randomly wanting to rule other groups, killing other groups or kidnapped other people because they can. But the other people in their world do just that.

The 100 original crew in the beginning came down to Earth because they had no choice, they were sent by the Council, the powers that be in their world, to become guinea pigs to test if the earth is survivable. They were told they were pretty much disposable. At first, the kru are not united, they have some rotten apples within them and they do not trust each other but in the end they ended up uniting because all of them were being threatened and not just threatened let’s face it if they had not defended themselves and fight and kill then they would have all been wiped out and annihilated. So they barbequed the 300 that was sent to kill them in a ring of fire. Are they bad guys? Well as you can see, IT WAS WAR. KILL OR BE KILLED. The 100 won this battle. But then Clarke and most of the 100 kru was captured by the mountain men and then got fed with lots of BS were they were told that some of their kru the ones that are not with them have all died and they are the only ones left and then they were told that they are guests but in truth they were prisoners because they were not allowed to leave. So Clarke not trusting the mountain men, investigated and found out that they are all actually not guests but food. These mountain men wants to get their bone marrow without their permission so the Mountain men can finally go up and lived under the daylight and not get burned. Pretty much the equivalent of Vampires, which means Clarke and her the 100 kru are again in danger so she escaped. She had to because the mountain men realized that she knows their secret and so she cannot even warn the others and had to escape. When Clarke found out from Anya that the Grounders only want to attack them when they unintentionally burn a village because of their SOS to the ADULTS in space, and she realised that the Grounders and the 100 kru have the same enemy, the mountain men, she then proposed a TRUCE to the Grounders. To Team up and fight the mountain men together and save their people that are imprisoned in that mountain. But since, as we all know, in the end the Grounders, specifically Lexa, broke their truce/agreement and betrayed them by accepting the mountain men’s proposal to not be part of their war against the Sky Kru in exchange for their imprisoned grounders and for the Grounders and the mountain men to finally have treaty. Again, in this situation, the mountain men and the Grounders are saying to Clarke that her family, her the 100 Kru, are just disposable. Not worth saving and only good for dying so the mountain men can survive and live above on the ground again. She then went in the den of the mountain men with Octavia and then reunite with Bellamy and Monty and Jasper. These five people that I mentioned have always been the ones who lead their kru in protecting themselves from others who want them harmed. By this time Raven, Abby, Kane, Harper, were already captured. Then, later on Jasper and  Octavia was also captured. So that only left Clarke, Bellamy and Monty to try to save them. Let it be said that they did try to TALK to the mountain men, to ask and beg them not to harvest the bone marrows of their loved ones and end up killing them. Clarke tried to tell them that maybe they can make some arrangement that could get all of the mountain men be able to live above on the ground with the Sky Kru still alive and not dead. That maybe there is a way that the 100 kru and Sky Kru can share their bone marrow to the mountain men that will not make the 100/Sky kru end up getting killed. But, oh no! Cage Wallace of course will not listen, because TYRANT!!! Remember they think they are always right and they think they are the only ones who deserved to survive, so he decided to harvest Abby’s bone marrow first. Abby, Clarke’s mother, is being tortured and getting killed right in front of Clarke. I tell you if a person experiences that and also knows that one can do something to stop that wouldn’t you chose to do that? And what about the other mountain men that are not part of Cage’s kru that tried to do the right thing by protecting our heroes like Bellamy and Jasper and Monty? Did they stop Cage from doing the harvesting of bone marrows and killing the other prisoners/100/Sky Kru or even helping the imprisoned Grounders? Nope, they didn’t, they stood by and watch as grounders for almost a hundred years are being kidnapped, tortured, and killed just so they can continue to survive and also now with the promise of finally being able to go up and live on the Ground, they also just stood by to watch and then partake in getting The 100 kru killed so they can go above. So nope they were also not innocents, IT WAS WAR. So Clarke, Bellamy and Monty chose their own. They protected their family. For me, they did not commit genocide. They just went to WAR and protected, defended and SAVE their loved ones and family. They tried to do the peace way, they tried to not harm all the people in Mount Weather, they tried to ask for a compromise where EVERYONE can LIVE but unfortunately the other group led by Cage just wants to KILL them. So they did what they CAN do and protected and save their own. They chose their family. Did the 100 kru asked to live in Mount Weather? No, but they were captured and imprisoned anyway. All the 100/Sky Kru wants is to be left alone and to be safe and to survive. Sounds familiar??? Indeed it is. Because that is also who the Starks and the North are. It’s like Ned in GOT, he kills but he doesn’t enjoy doing that. The heroes of the 100 also kill but they do not enjoy doing that. They just protect their loved ones and kill the person that threatens the safety and life of their loved ones especially when that person who threatens them will not even listen to them. So make no mistake, they are the heroes of their stories and to me they are still the Good Guys because they protect and defend their own against the tyrants and evil of their world. 

So anon, does this answer your question?

P.S. Thanks for the asked, I enjoyed this because I love my heroes in these two shows. House Stark and Original the 100 Kru for the WIN.

Cause in both these shows, there are only two options so far, either you WIN or you DIE. I said SO FAR because I long for a TIME when my the 100 kru can finally live in peace and not have to just try to survive. I want them to finally be SAFE and flourishing. HOUSE STARK already did that in GOT so now the small people, the common people can now flourish, be safe and protected under the rule of HOUSE STARK, but the 100 Kru is yet to experience that. But I am still hoping they will be fine in the end.