#but I didn't realize that until after I wrote it >_>

[felassan]

David Gaider on Alistair, under a cut for length:

"Ah, Alistair. Depending on who you ask, he's the adorable woobie with the biggest heart or the irritating, over-used man-child. Yes, he is indeed all of those things. Good characters have flaws to go with their virtues. Ugly spots. That is literally their humanity. He was a bit of a bear to write, at the outset. James (Ohlen, the first creative director on DAO) had this idea he needed to be a grizzled Warden veteran - older, distrusting. Everyone hated him instantly. I call this the Carth Onasi Problem, and suggested to James that maybe I try something else. My observation says that the characters who are generally liked the most are the supportive ones. Enthusiastic. Funny? Sometimes, sure, but that's *not* required. I need to digress. See, at the time James had this (regrettable) period where he believed everything could be derived from a formula. He even sold this idea to the founders, Ray and Greg. Google 'BioWare formula'. Anyway, how this relates is because James thought the DAO cast needed a Minsc: a comedy character who would become super popular and, ideally, the icon of DA. "Isn't that Alistair?" you ask. "Arguable," I say, "but no." James had me to up a huge list of 'comedic archetypes' and I wrote some possible dialogue for each one. Then he had the team vote. The winning archetype? The Buffoon - like Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin. James was pleased. I was not. "The problem," I said, "is I don't find the Buffoon funny." 😅"

""But you're a professional." "Sure, I *can* write him... but comedy isn't science. I need to find him funny. If I write him, the only comedy I'll mine is where he makes fun of himself." James took that on board and then passed the character onto someone else. The result? Oghren. I rest my case. So back to the supportive character: that was my thought for a new Alistair. It was a special case, after all - the DAO PC was thrust into a terrible situation. They needed someone who had their back. A bud. A *likeable* bud. I was watching Buffy at the time, and my thoughts drifted towards Xander. Now, I know Joss Whedon is persona non grata these days, but this was 2006, OK? I was watching Buffy and thought, "man, Xander is such a wasted character" and considered how to fix him. Then I realized this might work for Alistair. Plus, I wanted to see if I could replicate the Whedon vocal patter. That was the new Alistair: a more useful and likeable yet equally dorky version of Xander. We had very strict rules in DA about language: no modern speech styles, colloquialisms, any words that came into use in our world after 1900 got severe side eye... but Alistair? Alistair got a blanket pass. Was it great that the lead writer's leading man got to break the rules? I guess not, but it's my opinion that you can break those kinds of rules - selectively, in small doses. Too much and you break the illusion. And it worked. Alistair was an instant hit. Not just with the team, but with the fans."

"Confession time? Yes, I knew Goldanna wasn't meant to be Alistair's mother. But neither was Fiona, originally. I think fans caught wind of some revisionism at work, and OK it's true. I had a more Arthurian idea for his birth but I stopped liking it... yet not soon enough to go back and make edits. Should I have just left it be, left Goldanna as his mother? Maybe. It was one of those writer things I just couldn't let go of and I probably could have used someone to sit me down and go "Gaider, please. Just stop." I still like Fiona, and where I took it. But I probably shouldn't have gone there. Casting Alistair was SUCH a chore. He required a weird mix of devilish charm, but with enough sincerity and adorkableness it didn't come off as smarmy. Every audition went full smarm... until Steve Valentine up and appeared out of nowhere. In the midst of a batch of audition files, there he was. We brought Steve in "just to try out", and he pulled it off. Even the "frog time" line, which (seriously) nobody else could. And when he got to the romantic lines, Steve's voice turned into pure butter without, again, sliding into "oh, he's slightly creepy". Both Caroline and I were sold. And he was so gloriously easy to write. It's a well I'd probably return to... a bit too often, maybe? Maric, then Anders in Awakening, and then Alistair kept popping up in future games and the comics because, yes, he was pretty much the breakout comedy character of DA. Which still makes me happy. 😁 CORRECTION: Goldanna was someone Alistair thought was his *sister*, and her mother his mother. Look, it was almost twenty years ago, OK? 😅 --- I actually had a whole scene written in DAI where Fiona tells him, but the requirements were so specific for them both to be in Skyhold and it seemed like it'd be relevant only to a small small sub-section of fans (and confusing to everyone else) so it was dropped. Rightfully so, I guess."

[source thread]

User: "The Buffy vibes were strong in DAO and I was very happy with that at the time. What I loved about DAO was the mix of dark themes entwined with bits of levity. That's how I like my angst. Dark, broody with a side of ha-has and y'all delivered in DAO for sure." David Gaider: "That's a me thing. I like going dark - really dark - and then pairing it with light, comedic moments. It provides peaks and valleys in the tone, and prevents either from becoming overwhelming. Hey if it worked for Shakespeare (alas, poor Yorrick), it can work for DA, right? 😉" [source]

[diamonddaze01]

Haiiii it's me again! Yes me the one who requested for jeonghan drabble. I wanna tell you that you wrote it so beautifully. The last part hit right into my heart. You conveyed every emotion so perfectly. I loved it!

I wanna request for another jeonghan drabble no. 70. Make them be rivals yk enemies to lovers. I love that trope. Oh and if you make jeonghan jealous in that fic it'll be sooo good!

Lastly love you <3333

sore memories

pairing: jeonghan x reader | wc: 1.3k prompt: "I didn't realize I needed your permission." au: college au | warnings: mentions of sex a/n: hello you are so so sweet! thank you for coming off anon to introduce yourself! I hope you love this as much as mafia!hannie

The party was alive with music, laughter, and too many faces you didn’t care to remember. Somewhere in the haze of flashing lights and sticky floors, you were trying to lose yourself in the evening. The guy in front of you—tall, generic, and charming enough—was speaking, but you weren’t listening. Not really.

Not when you could feel Jeonghan’s gaze burning a hole in the side of your head.

He leaned casually against the far wall, a picture of ease, holding a drink he probably wasn’t even sipping. His dark hair fell just enough into his eyes to look unintentional, and his lips curled in that signature smirk that could both captivate and infuriate. You hated how often it did the latter.

And, like clockwork, it started again—the simmering irritation in your chest, the sense that wherever Jeonghan was, peace was not. It always came back to this—the constant back and forth, the verbal sparring that sparked every time you crossed paths. You’d known Jeonghan for years, and if you could go back and change one thing, it would be meeting him.

It had started your first year of college, at a party much like this one. Jeonghan had been a stranger then, someone with an effortless charm that made people gravitate toward him. He’d introduced himself with that smirk of his, cocky and self-assured in a way that should’ve been a warning. Instead, you’d found yourself drawn to him, his easy banter and sparkling eyes too intriguing to resist.

By the end of the night, you’d ended up in his bed, tangled in his sheets and his laughter. For a fleeting moment, it had felt like something real.

Until you woke up the next morning to find the bed empty. No Jeonghan. Just a hastily scribbled note on his pillow.

“Thanks for the fun. See you around.”

The humiliation had crawled through your chest like a slow burn, leaving behind a simmering anger that hadn’t dulled with time. You’d told yourself it didn’t matter, that he didn’t matter, but the sting of his absence—and that damned note—had never quite faded.

It wasn’t just the note, though. It was the way Jeonghan acted after, like nothing had happened. Like you were just another face in the crowd. The way he leaned into every conversation with a smirk, always teasing, always too close. Like he enjoyed watching you bristle.

And now, years later, nothing had changed. Except maybe everything had, because the resentment wasn’t enough to drown out the spark that flared every time you locked eyes with him.

You looked away, focusing on the man in front of you. He was tall, his voice smooth, but the words might as well have been water hitting glass. You nodded along out of politeness, sipping your drink and willing yourself to stay in the moment.

But Jeonghan was watching. You could feel it—the subtle weight of his gaze, like an itch you couldn’t scratch.

And, inevitably, he approached. You didn’t notice him at first, too caught up in pretending to care about whatever the guy was saying. But then came the unmistakable sensation of being under a spotlight, the air around you shifting with his presence.

“Having fun?” His voice was warm honey with a razor’s edge.

Your grip tightened slightly on your cup as you turned to him, your smile thin. “I was.”

Jeonghan chuckled, a low sound that sent an unwanted flicker of heat through you. His eyes roved over you briefly, his gaze lingering like he was assessing your armor. He tilted his head toward the guy who had already started to drift away. “That guy,” he said with mock interest. “He your type?”

You let out a sharp exhale, already bracing for the inevitable headache. “Why do you care?”

“I don’t,” he replied, his smirk widening just enough to betray the lie. His eyes sparkled with something teasing, as though you were his favorite game to play. “I just didn’t peg you as someone who’d settle for boring.”

Your jaw clenched, your nails biting into the plastic of your cup. “And you would know, wouldn’t you?”

For a brief moment, something flickered across his face—too fast to name but heavy enough to make you pause. Then it was gone, replaced by his usual nonchalance. “Touché,” he murmured.

He stepped closer, and you fought the instinct to take a step back. He had a way of closing the space between you with casual arrogance, like the mere act of breathing the same air was his right.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jeonghan pressed, his voice soft but insistent, his dark eyes locking onto yours.

The irritation bubbled over. “I didn’t realize I needed your permission,” you shot back, your tone sharp enough to cut.

His smirk faltered, just slightly, and you caught the faintest hint of something raw in his expression. His fingers curled around the rim of his cup, tightening before he exhaled slowly. “You don’t,” he said, his voice quieter now, steadier. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to pretend I don’t care.”

For a moment, the noise of the party faded, the world narrowing to just the two of you. You opened your mouth to retort, but the look in his eyes stopped you short. There was something unnervingly honest there, a vulnerability that threw you off balance.

“You don’t get to do this,” you said finally, your voice quieter but no less pointed. “You don’t get to act like you care now.”

Jeonghan ran a hand through his hair, a frustrated motion that sent a few strands falling messily across his forehead. “I know I screwed up,” he admitted, his shoulders dropping as if the weight of his words was too much. “That night—I left because I didn’t know what else to do. I woke up, and it scared the hell out of me how much I wanted to stay. So, I ran. And I’ve regretted it every day since.”

The confession hit like a punch to the gut, your breath catching in your throat. Your fingers tightened around your cup, and you looked away, your vision blurring slightly as the memory of that morning resurfaced.

“You left a note,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jeonghan’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his jaw tightening. “I know,” he said, his tone softer now, tinged with guilt. “It was a coward’s move. But believe me when I say, it wasn’t because you didn’t matter.”

Your eyes flicked back to him, searching for any sign of insincerity. But his body betrayed no games, no walls. His hands fidgeted with his cup, his posture slightly tense, and for the first time, he didn’t seem so untouchable.

“Why now?” you asked, your voice cracking slightly despite your best efforts to stay composed. “Why are you telling me this now?”

His lips parted, his tongue darting out briefly to wet them before he answered. “Because I’m tired,” he said simply, his shoulders squaring again as if he’d made some unspoken decision. “Tired of pretending I don’t care, tired of seeing you with guys who’ll never know you the way I do.”

His gaze burned into yours, unyielding, and you hated how much you wanted to believe him.

“Say the word,” Jeonghan murmured, his voice softer now, almost pleading. He stepped closer, his hand brushing yours lightly, sending a jolt through your skin. “And I’ll walk away. But don’t tell me you don’t feel it too.”

You swallowed hard, the words lodged in your throat as your chest tightened. Your gaze dropped to the floor, your heart warring with your pride.

“You don’t get to break my heart twice,” you said finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

The faint tremor in your words made his expression crumble, his hand reaching out hesitantly before falling back to his side. “I won’t,” he said, the conviction in his tone catching you off guard. “Not this time.”

And for the first time in years, the walls you’d built around yourself began to crack.

send me an ask for my drabble game!

[winterdaphne2]

Thank you so much for answering this! There's no need to apologize for a delay at all :) I know I'm late in responding myself, so I'm going to tag you here as well @asherlockstudy in the hopes you'll see this.

You've made some great points, so thank you for giving me the chance to think about all this again. I still think I have more thoughts and unanswered questions, though, so I tried to respond...and then wrote the below, which is basically an excessively long meta of my own thoughts on when John may or may not have realized. I'd be happy to hear what you think if you'd like to reply again, but there's no pressure :)

First, thank you for linking to your meta about "John's choices." It's been a while since I've read it, but I read through it again and I'm really glad you explained the scene between Sherlock and John in the entryway to 221B at the end of TEH. I'm intrigued by your point about how John tries to get Sherlock to open up in this scene. Relatedly, I agree with your comments on this meta about the train car scene. In that scene, Sherlock deliberately led John to believe that they were both about to die in the hopes that if John thought those were his last moments, he would finally open up about his feelings for Sherlock, admit that he was in love with Sherlock and not with Mary, and agree to leave Mary for Sherlock. But Sherlock misjudged the situation. John still wasn't prepared to face his feelings at that point. For John, the confrontation in the train car came too soon after Sherlock's return and before he'd had enough time to process how he truly felt about Sherlock being back. Sherlock was heartbroken when he realized that John wasn't prepared to open up and say more than he did at the graveyard, but when he saw this was the case, he revealed that he'd already turned off the bomb and used humor to diffuse the situation (which is a strategy Sherlock uses several times in S3 when he and John get themselves into emotional situations that he thinks they're unprepared to handle).

I especially appreciate your point about the entryway scene because your reading of this scene suggests that John might have only needed another day or two after that tense moment in the train car before he actually would be prepared to talk to Sherlock about his feelings. This fits so well with John's earlier behavior in TEH! When Sherlock first revealed himself to John at the Landmark, John was furious with him, and they clearly didn't part on good terms that evening. But the next day, less than 24 hours later, John had already cooled off and was counting down the hours until he could visit Sherlock after work. So perhaps John felt very similarly during and after the train car scene. At first everything happens too quickly for him, and he isn't prepared to reveal how he feels. But a day later, he's had time to process and he's ready to have a more honest conversation with Sherlock, if Sherlock seems receptive.

But of course, Sherlock doesn't understand this. Sherlock thinks that John gave him his answer in the train car and that John still isn't prepared to face his feelings for him and leave Mary. Part of the problem, I think, is that Sherlock never seems to have realized that John tried to visit him at 221B the day after he returned to London. John tried to visit Sherlock that day after his shift at the surgery, but he was kidnapped by Magnussen's men before he got up to the flat. And when John came to visit Sherlock after he rescued him from the bonfire, John didn't make any references to his earlier attempt to come to 221B. It seems like Sherlock was away from the flat and out with Molly when John came by anyway, so he couldn't have observed John on the pavement. So Sherlock never seems to know about this. He never realizes that all John needed was just one day to cool off. As a result, Sherlock closes himself off from John in the entryway scene, trying to mask how he feels as an act of self-preservation.

I am less convinced that John already knows about Sherlock's feelings by this point, though. After all, Moriarty kidnapped John to get to Sherlock back in TGG, and that didn't seem to prompt any epiphanies for John. John didn't seem to realize what Sherlock and Moriarty both had by the end of the pool scene—that Sherlock was in love with John, and that Moriarty could destroy Sherlock by either hurting John or damaging Sherlock and John's relationship.

I agree that by the time the stag night rolls around in TSOT, John has started to feel desperate and would be fully willing to cheat on Mary with Sherlock (or perhaps even leave her for him) if he felt that Sherlock gave him the go-ahead. During the stag night, Sherlock carefully tracks their alcohol intake because he believes that John truly wants to be with Mary and he's determined not to mess this up for John by allowing the two of them to cross their carefully-maintained boundaries with each other. John, however, has other ideas. John purposely spikes Sherlock's drink and takes extra shots himself in a deliberate effort to get them both drunk so that he can make a move on Sherlock. When they're back at 221B and playing the "forehead detectives" game, John does exactly that. But even though Sherlock seems relaxed and comfortable, John doesn't think Sherlock gives him enthusiastic encouragement, and he backs down. (LIST explains this in their meta here.)

To me, all of this indicates that John thinks there's hope that Sherlock might return his feelings, but he still has a lot of doubts. John has never gotten what he sees as a clear answer from Sherlock, so the fact that he thinks they both need to be drunk before he can try to make a move reveals that John doesn't feel completely confident about this. I think this likely demonstrates both that John isn't completely sure how Sherlock feels about him, and that John still isn't comfortable with what his love for Sherlock means for his own sexuality. John seems to have a lot of internalized biphobia in S3 (which is a whole other topic). And even though John knows that he isn't in love with Mary the way he is with Sherlock, and even though he might feel conflicted about settling down with her, he also seems reluctant to let go of his chance at a heteronormative lifestyle with Mary unless Sherlock is completely clear with him.

I've seen a few other people also point to that moment at the wedding reception, after Sherlock reveals that Mary is pregnant, as the moment when John finally realizes that Sherlock is in love with him. I think that's possible, but there's one thing that happens after this that really, really throws me off.

It's the scene between John and Lestrade at 221B in HLV after Sherlock escapes from the hospital. John says to Lestrade, "But why would he care? He’s Sherlock. Who would he bother protecting?" as he sits down in his own chair. And John looks genuinely confused when he say this. John!! In that moment, John still doesn't seem to realize that he is the most important person in the world to Sherlock and that Sherlock would do anything to protect him. Perhaps giving us even more evidence of this, Sherlock calls John's phone a few moments later, and John doesn't immediately answer. If we're following the phone = heart metaphor, then Sherlock is trying to reach out to John's heart, but John still doesn't get it and isn't immediately receptive. ("Answer your phone, I've been calling you!")

I agree that the scene between Sherlock, John, and Mary at 221B after they return from Leinster Gardens is an incredibly important Johnlock scene, but I read John's actions in this scene a little differently from how you do. It seems to me that John still doesn't realize that Sherlock is in love with him, and in this scene John feels furious at himself for being so in love with Sherlock when he believes that Sherlock will never feel the same way about him. John is angry at himself for never being able to let Sherlock go, no matter how hard he tries. Making things even worse, John thinks, when he tried to move on from Sherlock and find someone who wasn't like Sherlock, someone who could give him the safe, heteronormative lifestyle that he thinks he's supposed to want, the whole thing blew up in his face and led to this awful situation. So when John grits out "Always your way," to Sherlock, I think he's expressing his frustration that no matter what happens, he will always do things Sherlock's way. John is disgusted and angry at himself for being so hopelessly in love with Sherlock and unable to move on when he thinks that Sherlock will never love him back.

I do think it's possible that John finally figures things out at some point in HLV, though, and that's because of the waterfall scene in TAB. In that scene, we get this exchange:

Sherlock: Thank you, John. John: Since when do you call me “John”? Sherlock: (smiling tenderly) You’d be surprised. John: (smiling back at him) No, I wouldn’t.

As you and @ivyblossom said here, this is the moment when John reveals that he knows Sherlock is in love with him. And I also think that the way John delivers this dialogue and the tender shared smiles between him and Sherlock indicate that John is completely at peace with this. So if we read this scene as one of the many scenes in TAB that tell us something about the parts of the show that we've already seen, then this seems to give us proof that by the time Sherlock got on the plane in HLV, John had already realized that Sherlock was in love with him—and had perhaps even made peace with that.

If that's the case, but John still didn't know by the time of the scene between him and Greg in 221B, then I think it's most likely that John figured it out after Sherlock shot Magnussen. That was an incredible act of love and self-sacrifice on Sherlock's part, and even though John doesn't seem to immediately realize this in the moment, his behavior during the tarmac scene suggests that he might have figured it out afterwards. During the tarmac scene, John clearly telegraphs through his body language that he isn't prepared for an emotional goodbye with Sherlock. Sherlock picks up on this, and because Sherlock is so incredibly selfless and loves John so much, he backs down from his initial plan of finally telling John that he loves him. Sherlock realizes that John can't handle hearing that, so he once again switches to humor to try to diffuse the situation and to make John more comfortable. So, I think it's possible that John realized Sherlock was in love with him after he shot Magnussen, and that's part of why he's so upset and so unprepared for an emotional goodbye on the tarmac.

But...I say this mostly because of the waterfall scene in TAB, and I don't think the tarmac scene alone gives us definitive proof. It would still be entirely reasonable for John to feel and act the way he does on the tarmac because of his own feelings for Sherlock, without knowing that Sherlock is in love with him.

Ultimately, I think TAB still leaves things murky. There are two other possible readings of the waterfall scene, as I see it. First, all of this happens in Sherlock's head, so it's possible that this is simply what Sherlock wants desperately. Sherlock longs for John to realize that he's in love with him, to finally overcome his internalized biphobia, and to accept both his feelings for Sherlock and Sherlock's feelings for him wholeheartedly. So this could all be Sherlock's dream, but not his and John's reality at this point in the show. Alternatively, I also think the waterfall scene was initially intended to foreshadow a different ending to the show (one where Moriarty was actually still alive) that the creators abandoned for some unknown reason when they made S4. I know you've written about this scene as foreshadowing in your TAB metas! So perhaps we could also read the dialogue between John and Sherlock here as foreshadowing, indicating that John would eventually come to realize that Sherlock was in love with him and accept this. But he hadn't yet.

So in the end, I'm not sure that we have an answer as to whether or not John ever realizes that Sherlock is in love with him. The big thing that really throws things off for me is that one scene between John and Greg in HLV, because it really seems to indicate that John hadn't figured things out before that point. (If you or anyone else reading this has another explanation for that scene, though, I'd love to hear it!) If it weren't for John's dialogue in that scene, I could definitely see a lot of the other scenes in HLV as evidence that Sherlock and John both know about each other's feelings. And I also totally agree with you that something seems to have gone terribly wrong behind the scenes after S3, and the creators scrapped their original plans for the show's ending. To me, that's a big reason why TAB leaves things feeling so ambiguous. Since we'll never know exactly what the creators were planning for the rest of the show when they made TAB, it's hard to know if the waterfall scene was meant to provide commentary on events that had already happened, to reflect Sherlock's desires and nothing more, or foreshadow what was yet to come. And if it was intended to do some mixture of all three, then we don't know what that means for the Johnlock moment in that scene.

Anyway, thanks again for replying to my ask! I'm sorry I wrote something so long right back at you, but this post just got longer and longer the more I thought about everything! A big thank you to anyone else who might have stumbled upon this and read it 😊

Hi! If you're still open to answering Sherlock-related asks, I was wondering when you think John realized Sherlock was in love with him? I know you've said you think they both know about each other's feelings, and I'm with you on when Sherlock figures out about John. But I've never been able to quite figure out when John recognizes Sherlock's feelings. I think the waterfall scene in TAB implies that John knows, and I think he might know by the time of the tarmac scene. But I'm not sure. Thanks!

Hello! I am so sorry for this huge delay. I was busy IRL and at the same time a lot of stuff was happening in another fandom which is very active rn, so the ask was kinda staying behind. I know answered asks get a notification however I will tag you here too @winterdaphne2 to make sure you see this after all this time.

Yes, I strongly believe John knows by HLV. I talk about it a little in the meta "Why did Sherlock push John and Mary back together?" . The key phrase "Your way. Always your way" and the context within which it was uttered, John's confession that Mary was never supposed to be someone he would truly fall in love with (as opposed to Sherlock who was ticking all John's boxes, adventurous people living in danger etc) and Sherlock understanding it but pretending he didn’t and thus failing John and provoking more anger in him ("Why is everything...always... MY FAULT?!"), all those things make me conclude John knew by that point that Sherlock loved him and yet he was insisting on doing nothing about it. In other words, John knew the truth.

As to when he first realised, well we should keep in mind that John suspects Sherlock is gay from the very first day they moved in together because everybody who knows Sherlock insinuates it, Mycroft, Mrs Hudson, Donovan... The fact that from the Blind Banker onwards John suddenly becomes very heteronormative and defensive shows he feels a "threat" in the atmosphere, both due to his own impulses but also due to Sherlock's flamboyant demeanour, his habits, including casually walking around him naked (see John’s blog). In fact, when John starts suspecting Sherlock might be into the Woman, he's equal parts angry and startled. I suppose there was no way to know before the third season because Sherlock was so emotionally guarded, however he did hope, given his suspicions that Sherlock was gay and that their bond was unique and he was visibly an exception in how Sherlock treated people in his life.

At the wedding night John sees the sorrow on Sherlock's face and nearly has a heart attack. I think everything was confirmed there for him. However, I think the time he started landing on the conclusion for good was in TEH. This is the episode in which, after John is kidnapped and thrown into the fire, John keeps pressing Sherlock for an answer regarding why one would choose to harm him if it's Sherlock they are after. He is not truly wondering though. He lingers in the pavement (always a romantic affair, Sherlock tells us in the next episode) and then goes up and asks this with a very knowing look. Then again towards the end of the episode, in the staircase. His face screams suspicion, it screams tease, it screams expectation to finally hear Sherlock say it. Alas, Sherlock doesn't. Met with Sherlock's stubborness and with a wedding proposal looming over his head, John has no choice but to open up himself so he starts telling Sherlock that he went to his grave and "spoke" to him. Sherlock acknowelges this but again chooses to avoid the conversation John tries to start multiple times. John gives up and resumes his proposal to Mary. I think at this episode John finally knew for sure but he also realised that Sherlock was determined to not act on his feelings. I have made a more detailed analysis of this with pictures in the meta "John's Choices (from TEH to TLD)".

Besides, the next episode, TSOT, is the only time John actually makes a physical advance on Sherlock. Sure he was inebriated but I think John had SO many inhibitions anyway that even when drunk he would not be so bold if he wasn’t getting all the green lights of the world from Sherlock at that moment. So, he knew. He knew that if Sherlock dropped his fascade, he would want this.

[whorekneecentral]

hmmm okay would you feel some toto after today? the launch had me 👀 i’m ngl

maybe something casual like hes still working so hard to get everything perfect for testing? and then you try to get him to take a break, maybe with prompt 6 and 67?

-🐣

this is from the merc launch 😭 this has been in my inbox for way too long lmao // prompt: “I didn’t realize I needed your permission” + “you cocky bastard.” “what’s that ? you want my cock?” 

"Mr. Wolff?" You knocked on his door, peeking into the dressing room. "20 minutes to launch." You tell him, giving him the time warning.

"Come in for a minute, would you?" He calls, back turned to you. You step into the room, letting the door shut behind you. "Tie or no tie?" He turns to face you, holding up the black tie.

"I rather no tie but up to you."

"I didn't realize I needed your permission," he starts, causing your brows to furrow, "you asked my opinion." You rolled your eyes, earning yourself a smile from him.

"I'm just teasing, y/n."

He tosses the tie onto the chair, moving closer to you. His arm out in front of you and instinctively, you reach out to fix the cuff of his sleeve.

"Aren't you always?" You glance up at him, moving onto his other sleeve. "You cocky bastard," you mumble. Toto grabs your chin, pulling you to look at him.

"What's that? You want my cock?" He asks, feigning a look of confusion. Your cheeks are bright red, you can feel the heat and his gaze is not helping.

"Stop that." You tell him, pulling away.

"Stop what, sweetheart?"

"They need you outside in 15," you remind him, letting out a breath. Toto's hand rests on your hip, looking down at you. "Then you better behave so we're back in time, hm?"

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[spooky-things-au]

Chapter 3 of the fic! So we're officially halfway through the first episode! Wooo!

And at this point, I counted something in my update schedule and... due some things that I was not satisfied with, I decided to change days, I update this story! New updates will now follow every Monday and Thursday/Friday (on my side)!

Also, my first time EVER trying to write something... aheam... more "mature" than I used to, so... let me know how you like it or what I should change about it!

(The chapter is also undercut)

Spooky Things

Season 1. Beginning

Episode 1. The vanishing of Ross Lynn

Chapter 3. Something's off.

School bus stopped infront of Frightville's elementary-middle school, as the driver was opened the door to let passengers out.

"Alright, final stop. Everyone's out." Kevin said, watching the kids leave the bus, last of which was Robert. "Have good day, kids." He added with smile, but that was ignored, as Robert, supposedly, spotted his friend outside.

Or he just ignored because they didn't have good relationship. Well, Kevin still needed to get his trust, he supposed... the poor kid had hard life, from Radford's words, and sudden appearance of new partner in his life was definitely not something he would accept that quickly.

Yes, he wanted to bond with the boy... but Kevin realized that Robert needed some time to get used to new person in his life.

"Hey." There was a knock on side of the bus, that made Kevin turn around, but that then turned to a smile.

"Hey, Ethan..."

The other man smiled, climbing inside the bus, standing next to Kevin.

"So, what happened last night?" Ethan asked, leaning against the metal. "You never replied to me back."

Kevin's eyes then widened, quickly pulling out his phone to check his messages... when he found nearly 10 missed ones from Ethan last night...

"Ah, sorry, man..." Kevin scratched back of his head. "I was just..."

"Radford happened, didn't he?" Despite how teasing it sounded... Kevin could also pick up notes of tension in his friend's voice. "Kevin, I warn you. He's bad news! He just wants sex, you know?"

"Well, if it all he wanted, why hasn't he left me yet?" Kevin smirked. "We've been together for nearly six months at this point and not even once we went past maki-..."

"Never went past making out, huh?" Ethan forced out a laugh. "Man, Kevin... for times like ours, you sure able to speak freely of this..." He crossed his arms.

"Hey..." Kevin sighed out. "I know... how it might sound to you... and believe me, I've had enough troubles with people... talking about us behind our backs... or making comments about me wanting to date a guy..." But he then smiled, leaning against the seat, as his thoughts left to the man, he loved with his entire heart.

Radford was definitely one of a kind. Caring and gentle, loving and supportive... loyal to his family and goal... not to mention being goofy and gorgeous... the blonde was everything, Kevin wished for his partner.

And yet, what attracted Kevin the most... was probably his determination and ability to get back on his feet when things get hard, being able to be there for people when they needed it... when his parents went away and he became the sole support system for his younger siblings... and still, he stood strong for them, ready to provide the best childhood for his two youngest siblings he could.

No matter how you looked at this... Radford was amazing... and Kevin felt so lucky to be able to call him his... lover. (Boy, that still sent shiver down his spine-).

"But I know what I want... and I don't care what some snobby stuck-ups might think of me..." Kevin finished. "I love what and who I love. And it should be my decision..."

"Hm..." Ethan looked to Kevin, now his face showed genuine happiness for his friend. "Well, whatever makes you happy, man... just don't you dare stopping be friends with me, you hear?!"

The two men looked at each other for another second, before both of them broke into laughter.

"You dork!" Kevin spat out in the end.

The public toilet was... definitely not the best place for this, but Kevin didn't seem to care much about it at the moment... he leaned closer towards his partner... his boyfriend as their lips sealed together for a kiss.

Radford called him to come over at his lunch break, just so they could chat and talk about plans for the night. To have a "mini-date" as the blond called it. But now, it turned into a making out session in the theater's restroom.

"Oh God-" Kevin breathed out. "Rad, please-... I need to go..."

"Oh, really now?" The blonde let out a chuckle. "Alright then... but only if you can give me a kiss... and that we can meet tonight..."

"Rad..." Kevin chuckled.

"Whaaat?" Radford came closer. "I'm not saying anything... dirty... I'm just saying, you and I... in my car... driving somewhere pretty to unwind after a long, hard day..."

"Rad, I can't..." Kevin sighed, but still didn't let go. "You know, my mom is over for now... and she still doesn't know-"

"You're dating a guy?" Radford said again. "No problem... your house has ladder, right? I can climb into your room..." He then touched their foreheads, that made Kevin chuckle, blushing lightly. "Ninja style~"

Kevin let out a light laugh.

"Well, deal it is, then..." He smiled, before pecking one last kiss. "I'll see you tonight~"

Radford was satisfied with this answer. A quick cuddle later, the two finally separated. Kevin splashed himself cool water to calm down from all the... excitement that just went down. After fixing his clothing into presentable look, he left exited the restroom.

Radford watched him go. When Kevin stepped out, the blonde sighed out again, tagging the collar of his shirt... ooooh boy! This was November, it wasn't supposed to be so hot in here-!

He heard the door open and saw Rick standing in the doorway. The two shared a look, before Radford cracked a light, nervous smile.

"You're..." He started, playing with his shirt. "...not going to tell the boss, are you..?"

Rick stayed quiet for a second again.

"...I don't get paid enough to care..."

And it meant no.

"You're the best" The blonde smiled.

A car stopped in front of police station as a man stepped out. Tired eyes looked over the building, before he sighed out, stepping inside.

"Morning, Patty..." John said to woman in front desk, before turning to the people further into the building. "Morning, everybody!"

"Hey, John!" Jack smiled, waving to him.

"Damn! You look like hell, Sherif..." Sophie commented with a chuckle.

"Oh, yeah?" John raised eyebrow. "Well, I looked better than your wife when I left her this morning!"

John waved to the others, starting to head to his office. While Connor and Sophie continued to laugh, Jack decided to follow John to catch him up with the news of the morning.

"Alright, John..." Jack started, taking out the list with what calls they got over last few hours. "We've got a few cases this morning... first, Ignacio Smith called. Said some kids are stealing the gnomes out of his garden again."

"Oh, those garden gnomes again..." John groaned, covering his eyes with his hand. "Well, Jack, I'll assure you, I'm gonna get on that in a few..."

Jack nodded, smiling to sheriff, before looking back on the list, as his smile faded. "On more serious matter... We've got a call from Aaron and Jaune Lynn."

John looked up, surprised to hear that.

"Jaune called?"

He knew her since they both were kids, plus she was his old schoolmate... one of first people to welcome him back when he returned back in town... but why were she and her husband calling them? They lived relatively quiet life.

"Yes. They called about... two hours ago..." Jack confirmed, his face still gloomy. "They said they can't find their son..."

Right. They also had a kid... if he remembered correctly, just entered his teens... so it would give... a couple of ideas, where the boy could be. John sighed out. Yet another overworried mother, freaking out over small things... but, well... he supposed he couldn't blame them either way, given what they have to go through to bring the whole new person into the world.

"Alright the... I'm gonna get on that..." John sighed out, making himself a cup of coffee. "Just give me a minute..."

"But John!" Jack interrupted once more. "Jaune is very upset-"

"Now, Jack, we've discussed this." John looked onto the younger man. "Mornings are for coffee and contemplation."

Then, Jack turned to go to his office. Jack followed him still.

"John, she's already in your-"

"Coffee and contemplation, Ja-!"

And then Jack opened the door to his office... to see it occupied by a worried out of her mind Jaune with equally worried Lila, who did her best to comfort her friend. The two women turned to face John, as Lila finally sighed out.

"There you are..." Lila breathed out, relieved.

The best way to describe next few minutes would be... a mess. Jaune was all over the place, yelling and screaming on top of her lungs, that made few other officers come in to check on them. Eventually, when Jaune accepted some water to calm herself down... she was finally able to have a normal conversation with John.

"We've have been waiting here over an hour, John!" Jaune said, still walking around the room in worry.

John covered his face with his hand, letting out a deep, long sigh. "And I apologize again..."

"I'm going out of my mind!" Jaune put her hands on the table, before Lila pulled her back again, quietly apologizing for it, getting just a nod from John.

"Look, Jaune... your son is... twelve right?" John started, as Jaune nodded in confirmation. "A kid... this age... he's probably just playing hookie, okay?"

Jaune's eyes widened. "What?!" She asked, shaking her head. "No, not my Ross! He's not like that! He wouldn't do that!"

"Well, you never know... I mean, look at my sister..." John showed onto a picture of a late teen girl in what seemed to be a white dress. "I was ten, our mom thought she was on the debate team... but then, next thing we know, she's getting married at sixteen, five months pregnant with her oldest."

Jaune looked at John in disbelief. She couldn't believe it. No. It couldn't be that. Ross wouldn't do that! Her and Aaron taught him better than that... he wasn't ever even interested in girls or boys. A part of her wanted to snap out again. To yell at John to even think of such thing! And yet, she held back. She sighed out.

"Look, he's not like your sister, Sheriff. He's not like you, Lila or me. He's not like... most." Jaune rumbled off. "He's a good boy, has a couple of friends, but... you know how kids are..." She crossed her arms. "Peer pressure and stuff, one of his friends hangs out with those other kids and... they're mean. They make fun of others. They call them names... I tried to step in once, but I think I only made it worse... they kept laughing at Ross... at his clothes, hair-"

"His hair?" John asked, rasing eyebrow. "What's wrong with his hair?"

"Nothing! He does dye it..." She looked away, wiping away the tear, covering her face.

She hated seeing her little boy suffering like this... something so small! She suggested changing schools, suggesting to fight them (yes, she wasn't above hitting a kid if needed) or going to self defense classes himself... but her little boy... Ross kept saying he was fine. He could deal with it.

"Does that matter?"

Jaune looked at John, a bit confused, but just shrugged, feeling defeated. "Maybe. I don't know..." She sighed out once more. "Maybe it's just not like it used to be and a boy dying his hair is enough to target a kid now..." Jaune then took a deep breath, looking into John's eyes. "Look, he's... He's a bit of a weird kid, sure, but... he's a good boy..." She then looked at her hand once more.

"I used to argue with my father back in the day about this... he would say that my child will be uncontrollable... he hated Ross had Aaron for a father... said he'd need a 'real man' for this role in his life, unless I wanted him to grow up a 'fag', as he put it." Jaune winced as she pushed out the insult. She hated going to that memory... and this time it was harder, as she had to say it out loud.

"Well... Is he?" John asked, cracking a light smile. Not to sound homophobic (that'd be hypocritical of him, honestly), but making fun of somebody being worried about this.

"He's MISSING!" Jaune cried out once more, tears falling down her face once more. "That what he is!"

John looked away, as Lila once more started to try calm Jaune down. Okay, it was a bad joke... The man sighed out, standing up.

"Alright, Jaune... when was the last time you heard from your dad?"

Jaune raised her head back up, surprised. But then sighed out, trying to think about the question. "Uh... last I heard... he was in Indianapolis..." She thought, before nodding. "Yes, there. He moved there ever since him and mom split up... But he has nothing to do with this."

"Why don't you give me his number then?"

"John, please." Jaune said again. "You're just wasting your time! He has nothing to do with this... He... he doesn't even know how Ross looks like!"

"Jaune." John said again, putting his hand on Jaune's. "Believe me, I've been on such cases before. Ninety-nine out of hundred times, kid goes missing, the kid is with a parent or relative."

"I know it, but..."

"What about the other time?" Lila finally raised her voice.

"Huh?/What?" Both, Jaune and John, turned their heads to the purple-haired woman.

"What you said, John..." Lila said. "Ninety-nine out of hundred. What about the other time? The one?" She repeated once more.

"Lila... not you too..." John covered his face.

"The one!" Lila raised her finger. "John, you haven't been in this town in over a decade, until four years ago! A lot happened in that time! The old hospital being shut down f-"

"And you wanna know the worst thing that's happened here in the four years since I came back?" John cut the woman off, as she stayed quiet once he did. "An owl attacking Narciso Evermore's head because it thought that his hair was a nest."

The two women shared a look, before turning back to John. All three of them stared at one another for a minute. Just as John thought it'd be another "two-on-one" situation, Jaune sighed out in defeat, rasing her hands.

"Okay, fine! Give me a note!" She said, getting the items.

"I'll call him right now, and if Ross isn't there, we'll look for him in the forest." John explained, walking to his old friend.

Jaune hmmed. "He'd talk to me first, before he talks to-"

"What? A pig?" Lila raised eyebrow, smirking lightly.

"A cop!" Jaune said back, while John gasped offendedly. But then (after a second long pause) the trio finally broke into light laughter, even if Jaune's was weak. Well, Lila could take that too. Whatever small, she'd considered it a win.

Usually, it would be Jaune trying to lighten up the mood in such situation... but now, Jaune had enough on her plate, so Lila had to be the one to do that instead.

And still, this happiness was only brief, as when Jaune finished writing down the last number on the sticky note, she handed it back to John... it made her remember the reason why they came here in first place.

"Do what you must do, Sherif..." Jaune nearly begged. "Just... find my son, John..." Tears once more started gathering in her eyes. "Find him!"

Lila stood by them, as her hands traveled up her figure to her stomach. Something so familiar, she did it completely absent-mindedly... a reflex, she still hasn't gotten rid of even after eight years passed.

She always did that when she was worried... worried about somebody close to her... whenever she watched missing people reports on TV... whenever she saw a missing kid poster outside her house.

Ever since that fateful night, on March 1st, of 2004.

Ever since that painful day, on December 10th, of 1998.

'I hope God is merciful to you... wherever you are...' She thought to herself, her mind going back to two names, that forever were drilled in her memory and her heart. 'Beverly... Sunny...'

@crossover-enthusiast @catsockpuppet @spookuzm @ferfbish @sunny6677 @momentokori @nottapossum @nostalgic-soda

[postmakerkiwi]

thinking again about thje series of peak instances of use of written language in narrative that is chili and the chocolate factory: fudge revelation

[kradogsrats]

writing a multi-paragraph conversation that's 90% unnecessary worldbuilding explanation like

[monster-noises]

Hgggg

Had one of those sundays where i felt just like

A little bit like shit all day

So i didn't really get any of my comic work done and it just kinda became a Lost Day

So now as consequence my brain won't let me go to bed because i did not Satisfy the Requirements as Set Beforehand

But i would like to actually set myself up for a successful week of going to bed on timebl because i haven't the last two weeks and i can Feel it slowly destroying me spiritually, mentally, and physically

But sometimes there js Naught you can do in the face of Wanton Mental Illness

[bunnyscar]

Tia's Decision

Tia stared up at her bedroom ceiling, tracing its bumps with her eyes and seeing shapes of strange and wild creatures up there, as she always had ever since she was a little child. When she gazed up at it, she could lose herself in an imaginary world of dinosaurs and strange people with elongated foreheads, a land where cats could have four ears and dogs were humongous. In that imaginary land, she could avoid the worries of the real world. When she daydreamed in her bedroom, she could drown out the painful memories of being picked on or having her schoolbooks thrown in the trash.

There was nothing she could do in reality to stop the bullies, for she knew if she retaliated or tattled on them, they would only become angry and harass her more. She just had to endure.

But she was tired of enduring, and even her daydreaming could only push back the despair for a short time. When Rasp had agreed to be her boyfriend and said he would help her with the bullies, a small hope had arisen in her, despite her uncertainty at having a boyfriend. But that had been a few days ago, and she had not seen Rasp at all since then. Perhaps he had just been joking with her.

She should be relieved, she didn’t really want to have a boyfriend, and she had only asked because the bullies dared her to. Yet a part of her badly wanted to see Rasp again, to know if he had really meant to help her. He had seemed so earnest at the time.

Breaking into her thoughts, Tia’s older sister suddenly slammed her bedroom door open and exclaimed breathlessly, “Tia! Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend!”

Tia sat bolt upright, her mouth dropping open. Surely her sister didn’t mean Rasp…. “Wh-what are you talking about?” Tia asked.

“There’s a boy at the front door calling himself your boyfriend,” Tia’s sister said eagerly. “Come on, Tia, why didn’t you tell me? Ooh, my little sister’s growing up,” she giggled.

Tia blushed in embarrassment. “He’s not—I mean, it can’t be,” she stammered, getting off her bed and following her sister downstairs.

When they reached the front door, she saw that it was indeed Rasp, grinning widely and peering inside curiously from the doorway. A woman stood behind him, looking disapprovingly at Rasp’s curiosity. It took a moment, but then Tia recognized the woman as Ms. Frazzle, the science teacher at school. Tia’s parents stood in the entryway, looking somewhat confused and flustered.

Turning to her daughter, Tia’s mother said anxiously, “Tia, what is the meaning of this? This boy says he’s your boyfriend and this lady is claiming to be your teacher and someone from some vampire ministry. Do you know them?”

“Hi, Tia!” Rasp said cheerfully. “Ah, sorry this is so late. Paperwork takes much longer than I thought. I know I said I would invite you to my place, but it seems like protocol is for me to visit you. So here I am!”

“P-protocol?” Tia repeated timidly.

The lady standing next to Rasp sighed and said apologetically, “Please do excuse the young man. He’s rather excitable. Might we come in and discuss some things?”

Tia’s mother looked like she wanted to kick them out immediately, but Tia’s father said quickly, “Yes, please, this way,” and he motioned towards the kitchen. Whispering in Mother’s ear, he said, “She’s Tia’s science teacher, plus she’s from the government, we can’t just shut the door in their faces.” Mother still frowned, but didn’t object.

“You’ve heard of vampires, I suppose?” Ms. Frazzle said after they had seated themselves at the kitchen table.

“A little,” Tia’s father said uncertainly.

“Vampires are overseen by the ministry of Vampire Affairs. Every vampire must be registered and given a caretaker, someone who is with him or her almost every hour of every day. I happen to be Rasp’s caretaker,” Ms. Frazzle, said, gesturing to Rasp. “But, as I am also a teacher and have other duties to attend to, I can’t be watching him all the time at school. Not to mention that Rasp and I have had some...issues with each other. To come to the point, Rasp is in need of another caretaker, and apparently he wants your daughter.”

Tia’s parents turned to her. She shrank down in her chair, wishing she could disappear. “Tia, a caretaker? Of a vampire?” her mother repeated faintly.

“It would be a joint caretaker role with me, since of course she would not be living under the same roof as Rasp. Nor would she necessarily be required to interact with him much. It would simply mean that she would need to be in his vicinity as much as possible at school, so she can keep watch over him and make sure he behaves,” Ms. Frazzle said. She sighed. “I can’t say I’m much of a fan of this idea either, but, well, he’s already had several caretakers that didn’t work out. He’s taken a liking to you, Tia, for some reason. And this is pretty much his last chance.”

Tia’s father asked, “What do you mean?”

Ms. Frazzle replied, “Every vampire is allowed a certain amount of time to find a caretaker that can successfully handle the vampire, but if he can’t find one that works, the vampire will be kept at the ministry’s facility. He won’t be able to leave or mingle with humans.” Seeing the shocked look on Tia’s face, she said, “Ah, the vampires are treated well, don’t worry. It’s just a safety precaution to keep them from biting anyone. If a caretaker can’t keep them in line, there’s no other way to keep everyone safe than for vampires to avoid human contact entirely.”

“O-oh,” Tia murmured. She glanced at Rasp, who seemed quite unfazed by this conversation and smiled back at her.

After explaining a bit more what the caretaker role would look like, Ms. Frazzle rummaged in her briefcase and pulled out a wad of papers, which she handed to Tia’s father. “These are the papers you and Tia will need to sign if you choose to accept; but please, take time to think this decision over. Here is my card,” she said. And standing, she and Rasp took their leave. Tia followed them to the door, and before he stepped out, Rasp turned to her.

“If you do accept, do you still want me to be your boyfriend? That was our agreement,” he commented. Casting a quick glance at Ms. Frazzle, who was already stepping out the door, he leaned in and whispered in Tia’s ear, “I also didn’t forget the promise to help you with the bullies.”

Tia hesitated. The thought of being called a girlfriend was rather embarrassing and confusing to her, but the thought of escaping the bullies was far more enticing than any discomfort a boyfriend would cause. Could she trust Rasp, though?

He looked so normal and friendly, not at all like the creepy monsters she had imagined vampires to be, nor like the sneering bullies at school. Feeling as though she were about to make a decision she might regret, Tia took a deep breath and said, “Sure.” With a wide grin and a wink, Rasp turned and followed Ms. Frazzle out the door.

Walking slowly back into the kitchen, Tia was met with her mother’s exclamation, “I will not allow my daughter to be around a vampire! Why do they even allow such creatures out in society? They’re dangerous!”

“Now, now, Cindy, calm down. I’m sure the boy can’t be that dangerous, otherwise they wouldn’t have offered for Tia to be a caretaker,” the father reassured his wife, but his voice was uneasy. “Besides, the pay they offer is quite good,” he murmured, looking at one of the papers Ms. Frazzle had handed him.

Tia’s mother’s eyes flashed with anger. “Pay! Who cares about the money? Our daughter’s life could be on the line!” she cried.

Tia’s sister, who had watched the whole affair silently, instead of voicing her opinions about everything as she usually did, finally spoke, “Why not ask Tia what she wants? She’s the one who will have to do the work.”

They turned to Tia. “Tia, you can’t possibly do this,” her mother pleaded.

Tia clasped her hands behind her back, fidgeting and looking at anything but her mother. “I-I want—to be his caretaker,” she said softly.

Tia’s mother gasped, while her sister grinned. “I-I don’t think that he’s dangerous. He has a nice smile and—he was nice to me in the cafeteria,” Tia mumbled.

Tia’s mother opened her mouth to protest, but her husband laid a hand on her arm. Gently, he said, “Are you quite sure, Tia? We still have time to think over it.”

Taking a deep breath, Tia said, “No, I’m sure. I made an agreement with Rasp. And I’ll keep it.” If it would save her from the bullying, anything would be doable. Even taking care of a vampire.

Previous || Next

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

[Image ID: a screencap of a tweet by Cary Dubek/@ tomwambgans that says ‘happy pride to them’ and contains promotional cast photos from seasons 3 and 2 of AMC series Halt and Catch Fire. End ID]

[dumbdomb]

if you've been blocked recently, it's bc i actually check my notes and have had so many blogs on my dni on my personal posts that i have been blocking anyone associated with those accounts. either you have your likes hidden for this reason or you don't pay attention to who you're interacting with and what content they're posting. check the source, ppl 🙄

[tuiyla]

YESSS!! I’m so glad you’re mentioning Renee Raps tattoo. Heard it forever ago and TikTok and instantly reminded me of Quinntana

I'm going insane over this song being a Quinntana one mostly because I've been so dumb all this time lol

Allow me present to you a timeline:

June 3 - Reneé Rapp releases Tattoos on Spotify

June 13 - The song is added to my Discover Weekly. I like it very much

The same day, I add it to my back then very short Quinntana playlist

Some months pass. I listen to this playlist often and sing along to Tattoos, one of my favourite Quinntana songs.

September 15 - I keep going on about said playlist so I'm asked to share a few songs form it. Tattoos makes the cut.

October 28 - I finally start watching The Sex Lives of College Girls

October 30/November 1 - I compare Leighton, played by Reneé Rapp, to both Quinn and Santana

November 25 - realization strikes as a series of events lead me to discoveries

So yes, this Reneé Rapp song reminds me of Quinntana. And I'm being super normal about finally connecting those dots after MONTHS lol

[neverendingford]

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[naturesbeat]

Send me “Can’t sleep?” to have a tired conversation with my muse in the middle of the night. // ACCEPTING

» @unmeiha

𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝙷𝙰𝙳 𝙰 𝚆𝙰𝚈 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝙾𝙵𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙻𝙳. The distant roar of waterfalls fell to a murmur beneath the cover of darkness, and the people of Ok'hanu slept soundly in their beds, borrowed or otherwise.

All but one, that is.

Eydis found herself tossing and turning as the hours wore on. The blanket had been the first to go, tossed aside with a frustrated huff; then went her shirt, and her pants half a bell later as the heat refused to break. She debated shedding her small clothes next ( the open walls of their lodgings be damned ), but she doubted even that would provide any true relief. So with a change of clothes in hand, she stole away from the room she shared with the other scions, and picked her way down to the water.

The rivers ran like lifeblood through the village. In their deference to nature, the Hanuhanu had built around it, hugging the dips and curves of the bank, and crafting their bridges only where necessary. Down below, the air was noticeably cooler, the water a balm against her flushed skin. She sighed as she waded those first few steps in, and cupped her hands to splash the water across her face.

Eydis resisted the urge to chastise herself. She had grown up with heat like this. To think it'd bother her now. Gone too long from Golmore, she thought, before she could stop herself. The years did little to dull the familiar pang in her chest. She turned again to the river, diving fully into the deeper currents that swirled her hair around her. There she stayed until her lungs burned - and a few seconds after that - before breaching the surface with a gasp.

It was then that a voice called out. Reflexively, Eydis lowered herself into the water, hoping to spare whoever it might be a moment of awkwardness. But seeing Koharu alone on the bridge, framed in moonlight, she relaxed again and smiled.

"It is too hot to sleep," she called back, paddling slowly until she tread right beneath the bridge. "And the river is still cool from the rain."

"You can join me, if you like."

[aizenat]

There is this girl I went to hs with and the nicest way I can say this is this girl was smart but not particularly so, and had a high sense of self despite being remarkably average. Again, that's the nicest way I can say that. She also got very triggered whenever I was better at her than something (in all fairness, she was like that with anyone better than her, but my friend caught her shit talking me once when I was the only person in my English class to get an A on my Catcher in the Rye essay--something I expected simply because I'm a writer, was then, and I never once got anything less than A on an essay my entire hs career--and that pissed me off particularly because my writing is the ONE thing in this world I can truly say I do better than most people).

Anyway, I learned a while ago that she moved to Boston, and she was associated with Harvard in some way. Without getting too into it, she works there in the weirdest and most random department (not as a professor or anything meaningful or prestigious, which will make sense in a second), doing basically admin shit it seems. I was curious because she's still listed on their site and it says she's been there for like eleven years. I was wondering if she ended up going there as a student in something, but without a linkden or something, I couldn't see. But every time I googled her name and the school, the only thing that came up was her staffing position. No information to indicate she was a student.

Which is funny. I looked up to see if you can go to Harvard for free if you work there, and the do have a reimbursement program, but you'd only get like 75% of fees back, so you'd still have to come out of pocket. And this is an IVY, so that's going to be pretty. And considering what she does, I can't imagine it paying that much where she could easily afford it. Maybe she does take classes and is slowly working her way to some kinda degree, but I doubt it. I feel like she'd at least be able to brag by now given how long she's been there (the site fucking says when she started lol).

Either way, the reason this is funny to me is because she was never even close or talented or impressive enough to anyone let alone college admissions to get into a school like Harvard (I know for a fact she didn't get in in hs lol), and transferring into schools is typically easier, she didn't get her degrees from there according to the site. So I just lowkey find it funny because the closest she'd ever get to Harvard is not as a student or even as someone brought in to teach, but by getting some admin job and sticking around long enough to get her picture on the school's site. She looks so proud in her Harvard shirt, thinking she finally "made it" but never in a way that would actually impress everyone.

It just all feels very fitting for her. In the right spaces to be around more impressive people while being overwhelmingly mediocre her own damn self lol.